#they would CURE my disordered eating

[neurotypical-sonic]

Imagine all the things you could make with Chao fruit! You could probably make a good syrup with that, or maybe put in pancakes, or a smoothie, or a fruit salad, or maybe drizzle chocolate over them, or-

I NEED THEM IN MY LIFE SO BAD

[kiwidotcom]

was about to 'tap in' and find a photo of myself at 21 before realizing that 21 was absolutely peak eating disorder so no i will not be going through photos of myself at 21 😅

i love trends like this tho. wish i had a body that was loved to show you!!! \

[neonstatic]

help! i'm craving batteries

[kakusu-shipping]

What if I did another F/O take over event for February? For my birthday? But this time instead of it being every F/O it was only the Ideal Polycule? Would y’all interact with that? Just askin

[philsmeatylegss]

Tw

[giantkillerjack]

This is the kind of shitty trope that can only be worth anything but a purposeful and mindful inversion of the trope, which not everyone can pull off well, though I believe it is possible.

Another separate example of a shitty harmful trope that only truly becomes worth anything when it is inverted is the trope of "a timeskip has happened, and now to show that the character has turned into a pathetic disgusting loser, they have become FAT." -- This is my least favorite trope of all time, and it genuinely makes me lose some of my will to live.

But the inversion of that trope is like the end of the novel series my wife is writing, in which there is a timeskip and the main character is now chubby -- and this is framed as a clear sign of healing and growth for this character who has been underweight and malnourished for 3 books up til now!! -- As a fat person trying to recover from an eating disorder, this makes me feel seen and happy and loved! (I LOVE MY WIFE.)

Similarly, with the "disability reveal illiciting fear and pity" thing, it's like @cripplecharacters said: the issue is the fear and pity, especially when framed as an obvious and natural reaction from neutral or good characters.

And now before I list some ideas for inverting the trope, I wanna give the caveat that if you are not representing a disability that you have, you should first and foremost ask yourself why you want a remarkable reveal of the character's disability in the story in the first place:

-- What function does it serve? What feeling is it meant to evoke from the audience? (Fear, pity, shock, or disgust = bad answers.) Is this a matter of making disability a spectacle[bad]? Is this a matter of body horror[very bad in relation to disability]?? or is it a genuine educated attempt to represent someone from a community you aren't a part of[has the potential to be okay]???

Ideas for inversions:

The people expressing shock/pity/disgust/fear are explicitly framed as FUCKING ASSHOLES for doing this, who are eventually INVALIDATED by the larger narrative, which is committed to proving them to be in the wrong by centering the disabled character as a hero. -- The disabled character is a bigger character than any of the assholes, with their own inner life, active agency in the story, and pain response to being treated poorly. Perhaps they make the assholes look like ignorant fools in the very same scene! (Note: if you are representing a community you are not a part of, this kind of nasty prejudice is NOT OKAY TO PUT IN JUST FOR ~FLAVOR~. You need to have something to SAY about it with your storytelling beyond "isn't that just so sad that some people are mean to cripples??", or else you're a hack for ***exposing your disabled readers to a painful reflection of their own trauma for no good reason.***)

The disabled character has their own inner life and active agency in the story; and when they reveal their disability, it is met with delight and excitement - perhaps by another major character with a disability who feels pride and comradery over this in their current situation.

It's possible to have a good scene where someone reacts wrongly with pity/ignorance to a disabled character, and then the disabled character (a full character who is in the story for more than just this purpose) carefully and generously explains why this is harmful -- with the ableist character apologizing and meaningfully changing their behavior. But tbh it is more likely that this will end up as a stilted and unnecessary scene if you are not a disabled person yourself. Especially if you aren't consulting actual disabled people.

There is no grand reveal, but rather a simple acceptance and even celebration of disability. Characters have totally awesome wheelchairs; people with scars and unusual body types have loving partners and active sex lives; characters are not considered unworthy of being the story's hero just because they are disabled!

The Jaws Effect is dangerous and even deadly, but the flip side of that coin is GOOD representation for us, in which we get to be full characters that have hopes and dreams and fears outside of just being disabled setpieces for abled characters to react to!

If showing wheelchair users as inherently miserable only serves to make real wheelchair users actually miserable because abled people end up thinking that our lives are hell and therefore we need endless harmful "hLep" and dangerously dehumanizing pity that veers into eugenics......

Then the opposite of that would be to show how FULL our lives can be! How we are still entire complex humans, who don't need to be magically turned into abled people to remain a part of the story!! Our chairs are GOOD and offer FREEDOM, and showing a wheelchair user going about their life and being part of the story can go a long way towards communicating that, even without focus on the disability itself as part of the narrative!

How could I do a "classic disabled reveal" (Example: The guy reveals that he has a mechanical limb and the spectators feel pity/scared) in a better way, without using the tiring tropes and drama?

The thing is, you can't.

The tired trope and the drama, is, in fact, the 'pity' and the 'fear' spectators feel at seeing a disabled person and a sign of their disability.

That is what's tired, not the dramatic moment of the reveal. The reveal itself is whatever.

The tired trope is that disabilities and signs of them are something you should be scared of, that you should pity, that you shouldn't be seeing or have them being shown to you.

And this trope is not harmless, and it hurts real disabled people in the real world. It extends to people's feelings about real disabled people, the way they treat real disabled people. It contributes to thinking that disability is something inherently scary, bad, and required to hide. Disability is neutral, not the end of the world.

Someone having a disability is not automatically scary nor something to pity. Someone having a visible disability is not automatically scary nor something to pity. Disabled people are just people living life. Disability is a part of their life, our life.

Here is a post on the "Jaws Effect." Please read it and take it into consideration.

Hope this helps you understand.

– mod sparrow

[scivors]

Andre Nikto head canons

We have little information about Niko but here's what I've gathered..

((Also I'd like to kindly add, hi, hello, my name is Mika and I am a Bosnian. The chances of me adding some accurate slav head canons are always high but never low!!🙏🏻 ALSO IM TERRIBLY OBSESSED WITH NIKTO SO IF ENJOY THIS AND YOU WANT DATING NIKTO HEAD CANONS PLEASE LET ME KNOWWW))

Genuine head canons:

Andre Nikto (Никто) is a (scary) Russian military man, roughly 193/194 centimetres (when you compare him to Simon's height) He suffers with acute dissociative disorder (better said DID) yet is still serving the military cause of how he preforms during battle.., so the military still views him as a ideal soldier for combat despite his disorder..

No hate but from what I've seen in some art works claiming it's his "face reveal" you people have to understand that under his mask, his face is disfigured.. so, no he won't be an attractive super model under that mask of his..

I don't think you people are aware how badass Nikto is as a character, almost SIMILAR as Ghost who's in the military for the same reason as everybody else, to risk their life.

Although judging by Nikto's voice lines, he doesn't care who he's killing..if it were up to him, if his teammates serve him zero purpose he'd care less if they die..(after all, you're just a target..) but being a professional, he can't allow that to happen to his teammates

If you look up closely, Nikto wears a military uniform that is different from everyone else with MP-0 written on it. Now if you don't know, MP stands for Military Police (enforcement agencies connected with, or part of, the military of a state.) and zero next to it meaning "nothing" and this is important which is what Nikto refers himself as..

Yeah so about that..

I have a theory about Nikto's nickname

After being captured and brutally tortured with whatever sick tendency mister Z had in store for him. It was Mister Z that couldn't really get much Information about Andre.

They would start torturing him while repeating to Andre that he's nothing, he's no one, what he is is nothing but what he is is everything. Those words play in the back of his head and they never seen to go away.

(This is extremely relevant cause Mister Z tried to get to know a bit of Andre by looking through some research come to find his citizenship and language are censored making him a nobody. Keep in mind, if he found any information about Andre viewing from personal life etc. it will be used as blackmail..)

After recovering his scars and taken to therapy after 7 years he was diagnosed with DID

NOW moving on to the DID part

(What I said about the fact that people overlook Nikto's disorder, I mean it..

Some don't really write about his disorder which is fine but when someone does it gets messy. )

Alters aren't easy to deal with, it's actually gonna haunt you till the day that you die cause there's no cure for it. And in Nikto's case it's from PTSD and Nikto is very aware of his alters..

Let me tell you how Nikto's disorder affects him. Switching can be consensual, forced or triggered, Nikto values silence as much as the next person cause he's dealing with much inside his head already. The kind of guy that would "watch TV" while dissociating with a 100 yard glare with very slow blinking and a slight headache..

There are times where his personalities would correct him when hes referring to himself (example: I'm up..(his personality correctes him) WE'RE up..)

"He made us do this" (and other voice lines I can't recall..)

Maybe cut bits of an apple with a knife and eat it while watching TV..

He has medication prescribed for him but he didn't wanna depend on medications cause they're just drugs..they're nothing to him but just drugs..

He has dissociative amnesia too, sometimes he would wander around confused maybe even annoyed. The amnesia appears to be caused by traumatic or stressful experiences endured or witnessed..Although the forgotten information may be inaccessible to consciousness, it sometimes continues to influence behavior

Like I said he likes quiet people, someone who doesn't waste their air on small talk..

Example; don't really talk to him about the weather, unless you have something interesting to say but if the conversation is gonna go nowhere , don't talk..he finds that a waste of time

People assume just because he's Russian that he likes vodka, he doesn't like vodka...-He doesn't like any alcoholic beverage cause it makes his problems a lot worse,...maybe If you were lending him some as an offering, he'll take it but he has SOME self control, he's okay with coffee, though..

It's relevant cause he stays awake at late hours since he finds it difficult to sleep, he'll stay up late with no music, nothing, just a silent room. It doesn't matter if he tries the military tactic where you just close your eyes and turn off your thoughts, it's very different when you have voices screaming inside your head...

Despite everything he's still intelligent, so being smart + strength + sharp reflexes and you got yourself a criminal

Death doesn't phase him, but to him death is like sleeping, he's not scared of death considering that he's been through hell those past few months.

He likes the simple things, don't complicate anything..because he's quick with catching an attitude..be blunt and forward and stumble over your words..

Nikto shows confidence in the battlefield,just like König, except he has a high rush of adrenaline and will laugh at the enemies death.

Fun fact: in this one comic Price calls Nikto "psycho"

And it's without a doubt that he is one.., a sadistic, sociopathic, psychopath

After splitting, his alters can and will get more aggressive and do more harm and damage to others cause they're doing the most at protecting the host.. (depending on the alter, some wanna protect him while some wanna hurt him)

Oh by the way about the intelligence part, I mean he has a good good memory with remembering faces..

He doesn't like people looking at him funny, he'll get angry really fast and annoyed at the same time.., he won't show hesitation when it comes to approaching you and asking you what are you looking at (it's like trying to avoid eye contact with a homeless man Infront of a store, that's how scared you would be)

He's slow with jokes or any form of humor that you throw at him??? You'll be excited to tell him a joke, and when you do he just looks at you and tells you never to do that again..,or just straight up tell you he doesn't get it...??? and probably trying to explain it either he gets it or not he'll still tell you that it's not funny

He doesn't argue, or he does? Arguing with him will costs you avoiding getting objects thrown at you so you can get out of his sight..tragic, now you have a teammate that hates your guts and won't apologize for it.

[andhumanslovedstories]

I’ve been struggling lately with the feeling that my job is pointless. Intellectually I know it is not—nursing is one of those professions where you get to be real smug about knowing the value of your work. But it’s still felt very pointless. Like I’ll start a shift thinking, “what am I even doing here,” and end it thinking, “what have I actually even done.” It’s been a ROUGH couple months.

But I had a really good shift last time I worked, which was good for the soul and also a very useful data point. I got to do pain management advocacy and symptom management, met a bunch of cool patients, did education for new nurses, and had several long heart to hearts, which the kind of midnight heart to hearts that I think are the most important part of night shift, all of that while being well staffed with very pleasant and appreciative patients and coworkers, and I was still like. Pretty depressed. I had a sense of satisfaction and moments of joy and meaning, but it turns out that one good shift did not cure the depression that has been latched on to me for the last few months like some kind of fucked up mental health leech. As I realized I was still depressed and that it was still interfering with my life even when everything was going well, the sense of peace washed over me was the best I’d felt in a while. Because I was like, okay! None of my usual stuff as worked! I have no excuse not to try something new to get my brain out of the shit ditch it’s slipped into.

So I’m applying for short-term disability. I’m worried I won’t get it, and I’m not sure what the next step is if I get rejected, but I feel so much better having decided to pursue it. It’s so much fuckin paperwork for sure, to a degree that’s overwhelming except that that the form could be a checkbox that says, “you want money?” and I’d be like “THIS IS TOO MUCH.” I’m totally not writing this post instead of finishing an email to my manager. I’m definitely not writing this post to avoid dealing with coordinating all my various care providers. I’m certainly not at every moment worried that I’m secretly faking all this so I can get three to nine weeks of a cool summer vacation.

I was thinking about how I almost flunked nursing school in my final semester because I turned in assignments late for a class with a “no late homework” policy. The professor said that this was reflective of real life, where if you miss deadlines you’re just fucked. I ended up appealing my grade and passing, because frankly it was a weak reason for making me repeat a final semester when there was no issues with my actual work or knowledge. During my appeal, I was like “I also think this policy is ableist. Harsh penalties for late work hurt students with health problems, especially chronic health problems when you aren’t asking for one week off due to the flu but instead for a general and never ending flexibility. I’m not trying to make an excuse but explain why this policy is a bad one. Disabled healthcare workers are an asset to healthcare.” I’m trying to remember my own argument as I pursue help. My depression and ADHD and eating disorder do help me be a better nurse, not because like depression gives you superpowers, but because I manage my chronic illnesses every day, in ways that range from hardly noticeable to life or death. Being kind to patients means being kind to myself, and vice versa.

I’m rambling. I really do not want to do this paperwork or send these emails. And I’m not sure if I deserve the leave I’m trying to take. But I miss being love with my job. I miss enjoying it. I wouldn’t judge someone else for going on medical leave, and my job doesn’t want me to burn out or quit. It almost feels like I have to be skeptical of applying for leave because no one else is. Everyone I’ve spoken to has been very supportive, including my manager. And considering how many unpaid days off I’ve had to take lately, disability leave would be an improvement over some of my recent paychecks. All in all, short-term disability makes sense and seems like a reasonable response to circumstances. But FUCK. I wish it required like 90 percent less documentation.

[mickstart]

Do you have any Ratiorine or individual headcanons you haven't been able to fit into fics? Maybe established relationship?

(also hi I hope you don't mind asks like this 🫡)

I LOVE ASKS LIKE THIS. ALWAYS. THANK YOU.

Okay. Ahem. Sorry for shouting.

Ok so one I kiiind of got into in my last fic but didn't really get to go into how it would play out in their established relationship - Aventurine struggles to be verbally honest and vulnerable, so he shows his love a lot of the time by buying Ratio everything and anything. He doesn't have anything else to spend his money on - he buys things just for the sake of buying them, the feeling of owning something. So having someone to SPOIL? He loves it.

Ratio mentions the university's coffee machines are awful? There are new machines AND fancy coffee varieties on campus by the next week. Ratio mentions passing interest in wanting to carbon date a rare fossil up for auction? Aventurine buys it. Ratio's microscope is calibrated wrong? Aventurine buys him a new laboratory. Key feature of their relationship is Ratio being showered in gifts. He is the galactic sugar baby.

Also just.... they are both very touchy and clingy because they can only be like that with each other. Aventurine drapes himself over Ratio like a blanket at any opportunity, hangs off his arm like a purse, and Ratio is at his absolute happiest when he's reading a new academic article with the weight of Aventurine's head on his chest.

They will both deny this but with Ratio's lack of friends / companions, and Aventurine's Trauma, they are both very possessive of each other. (In Aventurine's case he's afraid he's doomed to lose people.) But that's okay because they're both into it. That strip of exposed skin on Ratio's side permanently has bite marks on it after they get together.

Some more individual hcs below the cut because I'm rambling sfhgsfdjhg and also because the aventurine one discusses disordered eating!

So I have a lot of headcanons for aventurine. For one he is Skinny - like, worryingly so, because of a combination of growing up the way he did and the habits that's instilled in him. He dines lavishly just to say he can, but he will NOT eat regularly throughout the day unless he's going Out to eat. He squirrels food away and only eats it when he hits that "so hungry you're getting nausea" threshold. He can't stop coming up with wildly unlikely scenarios where he'll end up without food again and he'll need a stash of it.

(Fortunately, Ratio is literally a trained chef and once they're together he regularly visits with lunch or has Aventurine over for dinner so he starts eating 3 meals a day instead of 1 big meal. Aventurine is the only stoneheart with a packed lunch lovingly made by his husband.)

A lot of my headcanons for ratio tend to be more autism and projection related. (The bust is a sensory thing. The robes are actually heavier than they look because having weight on his shoulders calms him and lets him think clearer.) But I guess one thing for him is that he Really resents how the guild is reliant on IPC funding while The Genius Society gets money thrown at them simply for the status their names have. It's one of the reasons he and Aventurine have tension at first bc Ratio is Sick of the IPC lording money over them and expecting weapons and pointless research in exchange for giving him the resources to cure another disease.

[unluckilyimnot]

Hello^^can I please ask for headcannons with izana, mikey, baji and ran with reader who has eating disorder (like cassie from skins:( ) please don't do this if you're not comfortable

S/o with ed

Characters : Izana, Mikey, Ran

Type : angst, hurt to comfort

Words count : 0.8

It’s fine, I can write about it, it’s just the same as an old one I did : I speak as a girl who experienced it in a certain way (which is not as “hard” as Cassie) so I’ll do my best and I don’t mean any hurt it can cause. If you’re struggling with ed we can talk about it if you feel like it, but at least don’t hesitate to talk about it. You can get through it even if it’s hard (I did but I’m not cured at all)

I love you, take care of yourself and people around you ♡

Izana noticed quickly how you start to eat less and less. He cooks for you both the most and he can’t help but notice how a picky eater you’ve slowly become until eating barely enough to go on. As a small eater himself, he gets more and more worried when you start eating less than him. He knows you’ve never really been comfortable with your body and so, losing weight isn’t a bad idea if you feel like it’s what you need.

Yet, it got out of hand when he finally noticed your showing ribs even when you’re not stretching or breathing out. He sees them a little too much to his liking.

“You can’t go on like this.” he pointed out one day, during a meal. You haven’t touched your plate and you gulped at his words. “It’s not too much,” he added, pointing to your plate, “you’ll have to learn to eat again now.” he paused, waiting for your answer that is never coming. “It’s ok to be a small eater, but not to not eat at all.”

You clenched your jaw. As if you don’t know it well enough. As if you could just eat like that after all this time. His words hurt you more than anything, you thought he would understand.

“I know it’s hard, you don’t have to go through this alone.”

“You don’t know anything.”

“Darling what do you think ? Have you seen me ? Isn’t it obvious enough ?” You looked at him, thinking about his habits a bit more and the way he looks before it hit you. Your eyes water, you were too focused on yourself to notice him, to even realize.

“We’re in this together.” he said with a smile.

Mikey doesn’t notice. All he noticed is that you’re not eating with him anymore. You go out with him but don’t ask for a bit anymore, nor do you take something for yourself. He doesn’t understand and sadly doesn’t know either how to handle it.

“Why aren’t you taking anything ?” he pouted, almost refusing to eat if you don’t.

“I’m simply not hungry Mikey, it’s fine, eat!”

“You’re never hungry lately !” It sounds more like a tantrum than anything else honestly and you can’t help but lie about it.

“I eat well enough at home, don’t worry. I’m just trying to lose weight lately.”

“What ? No !” you can hear him pouted. “I like you the way you are, I’ll be sad if you lose weight. It wouldn’t feel the same when I’ll hold you. I hate to think about it.”

He was so pure in his words, you didn’t have the heart to tell him the truth.

“I’ll try not to lose too much then.” So you lied again, but seeing his smile was more than enough.

Ran is more than aware of what this is. You sleep too much. He does too, he knows that, but you always seem exhausted. Your skin is dry and almost gray. At first he checked your temperature for a few days, on those when it hit hard. Then he started to look at your activities, you still have to go to uni and stuff, maybe that’s what makes you this irritated. You don’t laugh much these days.

Finally, he started to look out for what you eat and he was met with the terrible truth that you’re not, and that’s probably what’s causing all of that. He has rough memories with that, and he wishes to not live them one more time.

“My love,” he purred into your ear, holding you from behind while you’re cutting some fruits.

“Yeah ?”

“Are you gonna eat more than that ?” You froze in his arms, not knowing what to say. “Would you share some ramen with me ? You don’t have to eat much, just something else other than an apple.”

“Ran I –”

“You know, it happened to my mom,” he cut you. He understands your side, but he wants you to understand his as well. “She was really sick because of this. And well, you know the end,” he snuggles his nose in your neck. “I don’t want this to happen to you.”

You don’t know what to say. It’s easier said than done and you don’t even wanna get better, not now, not now that it’s working and you’re close to your goal. Not now that –

“So, would you ?” but you can’t say no to him. And it’s not too much right. It’s just this time.

“Yeah, ok but just a few bites.”

“Right, I don’t want you to be sick.” he smiled against your skin. “Thank you. I love you”

I skipped baji sorry I hope it’s not your fav, I didn’t have an idea sniff. Mikey’s one is a little simple but young mikey is pure and rather simple minded at first.

[hotchswifey]

insomnia - dean winchester x reader

(this is the first thing i have written in about 2 years 😭😭😭😭

it kinda sucks but i like it

warnings: insomnia (i am aware that any sleep disorders cannot be cured by another person and i do not mean to take away from people who suffer from these conditions, this was just a cute little idea i had), a little angst?? (just about how much deans life sucks.), fluff, cuddling, overthinking, thinking badly about yourself (ur thoughts can be mean but ur lovely and brilliant <3333)

also i have a hc that dean goes really silent when he's tired, except he can't go silent around most people bc then they start to think something is really wrong™, but actually he is just too exhausted to try to talk (self-projection? maybe.)

word count: 2373)

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You rubbed at your tired eyes, walking into the bunker’s kitchen, your eyes adjusting to the light that definitely shouldn’t have been on - considering it was 3.32am. Your eyes fell on Dean, who was hunched over the island counter eating cereal. ‘Should’ve figured it was him who couldn’t sleep, too’, you thought. As bad as your sleeping habits had gotten, you always marvelled at Dean’s capability to be a functioning human with so little sleep.

He had noticed you as soon as you stepped foot in the room, but he did nothing to acknowledge your presence. Figures. You reasoned that the poor guy’s probably slept twice in the last week. You didn’t address him either; whether it was sleep deprivation or knowing he wanted to be left alone, you didn’t know. You just went to grab yourself a bowl of cereal. 

It was quiet (except for the sound of pouring milk and Dean’s chewing), but it was comfortable. It gave you some peace knowing you weren’t the only one who couldn’t sleep - something so simple yet far out of your reach. You didn’t know when it happened (your inability to sleep), but ‘it comes with the life,’ you supposed. You grabbed your bowl and left Dean to ponder on his own.

---------------------------------------------------

You rubbed at your tired eyes again. The same routine - lay in bed for hours, eventually get up because you’re hungry, head to the kitchen and find the light on. Again and again, this happened - Dean always sat there. It had become a funny thing kind of (in an unhealthy, oh-my-god-i-just-want-to-sleep-but-i-guess-it’s-nice-to-see-dean type of way). 

He didn’t acknowledge you, you didn’t acknowledge him, you poured your cereal to the sound of Dean chewing and went back to your room to eat. You wished he would invite you to sit down, even if you both ate silently. It was nice not to be alone at night, overthinking every gruesome and terrible thing to come. But you knew it was Dean, and he definitely needed some peace, quiet, and alone time (and this was the most alone time he willingly gave himself). 

You ate back in your room, not sleeping for yet another night.

---------------------------------------------------

You and the boys had just got back from a vamp hunt. Sore, tired and, frankly, pissed off. The hunt was fine, you all supposed. But, god, it takes a lot to completely decapitate somebody. Your energy was all drained, and the only thing you wanted to do was sleep - but could you? No. Of course, you couldn’t. Why? A thunderstorm? Fireworks? Gunshots? No. Because your brain hates you. God forbid you get an ounce of sleep.

Your routine ensued again, more sluggish this time and certainly more pissed. All you wanted to do was behead a few vamps and sleep it off, but no. Of course not. Try to sleep, fail to sleep, get up and haul your ass to the kitchen, pour cereal, eat cereal. How did your life become so dull?

The lights are on again. You think, ‘There is no way in all hell Dean is awake. That boy put himself through more physical torment you could ever even dream of (not that you’d want to)’. You weren’t too shocked when, even after today, you saw Dean sitting there.

It wasn’t a surprise that Dean Winchester (saviour of the world, the perfect killer) was still awake, even after killing eight vamps single-handedly (but from how he was sitting, you were sure he’d hurt his back on the hunt). Dean. Again. In the kitchen. Not sleeping.

You didn’t know why, but it pissed you off more than it should have. 

“Why are you still up?” You asked, walking past the island to the cereal cupboard. No response. Of course. You rolled your eyes, fishing out the box of lucky charms you reserved for awful days. You caught Dean’s eye as you turned around to get a bowl. 

He might’ve been the strongest man you knew physically and mentally, but he looked so tired. More tired than you had ever seen him. More tired now than after ending the apocalypse or returning from purgatory. How could he look so exhausted after one vamp hunt? You thought about it for a second, only now realising how many times you had gotten up and he had been in the kitchen. Every time you got up, he was in the kitchen. What are the chances that when you can’t sleep, neither can he? Or was it more likely he wasn’t sleeping at all?

If you were being truthful, the strongest man you knew looked like hell. He looked like a little boy who couldn’t sleep because he had a nightmare and wanted his mom. Except he wasn’t a little boy, he was living through the nightmare and had no one to turn to when things got bad.

You had felt pity for Dean before (how could you not, the man has quite literally been to hell and back), but this was a different kind of pity. This was the kind of pity that only came when things were terrible. When you realise this was how it had to be, how it would be, forever. The kind of pity that came when you realised you couldn’t do anything about it. You felt useless looking at him in his dressing gown, hunched over the counter.

He was the world’s saviour, and you had to assume that came with consequences - like not sleeping.

You didn’t say anything. Your anger had dissipated into sadness - sadness for being unable to help your friend. There was nothing you could say or do. There was nothing at all. You stared at him, and he stared back, and that was it. You went about your night - pour the cereal, return to your room, and not sleep.

---------------------------------------------------

Another day. Another hunt. Another sleepless night.

You considered buying the strongest sleeping pills and calling it a day. But you knew you couldn’t. Dean would haul your ass out for another hunt tomorrow, and he’d be pissed if you were fast asleep.

‘He should take some sleeping pills’, you thought. Maybe he would actually be remotely okay then.

Not fall asleep, get up, walk to the kitchen, see Dean, not acknowledge each other, get your cereal and leave. Again and again. You may have liked it, though. Just that little bit of routine in your hectic lives. Even if it was a bad routine.

You poured your cereal, your back to Dean, in complete silence. It was nice. Comfortable.

You picked up your spoon, ready to head back to bed, and turned around to find Dean already looking at you. You paused on the spot, unsure as to why he was staring. He didn’t stop when you noticed him. He looked as tired as ever. The sight of him, looking exhausted, with a bowl of cereal and beer, was heartbreaking. It physically hurts to look at.

He looked at you, and you looked back. Silent. Again. You wish you knew what to say, but what could you say? ‘Hey, Dean. You look like shit.’ You were sure you looked just as bad.

The sudden eye contact didn’t end. You both are not blinking, not moving, simply just looking. It was like you were communicating telepathically, just understanding each other and the hell you were both going through. This life was bad enough with sleep.

He didn’t say anything when you moved to sit down next to him, he didn’t say anything when you began to eat your (soggy) cereal, and he didn’t say anything when you finished eating. He just drank his beer and ate his cereal wordlessly. He said nothing when you sat there for 5… 10… 15… 20 minutes. Not one word.

You wanted to know what was going on in his head so badly. You wanted to know how you could help if you could help. But Dean doesn’t share his problems. You knew that, Sam knew that Cas knew that- everybody in the damn world knew that.

You sat and sat and sat silently. Half an hour passed, then an hour, then two… before you knew it, Sam was walking in- tired and grumpy. The sun had risen (not that you could see it), and a new day had started.

“You look like shit, dude”, Dean said to Sam, who promptly rolled his eyes.

---------------------------------------------------

This time, when you couldn’t sleep, you didn’t go to the kitchen. You just laid there. Unmoving. You’re sleep-deprived mind was overthinking everything- what if you fucked up on that hunt 3 years ago, and Sam and Dean still hate you to this day? What if Sam hates you? What if Dean hates you? What if Dean is so fucking sick of you interrupting his nightly cereal time? You were a victim of your mind- your thoughts and inability to sleep. 

Ugh. You were so hungry. But, right now, your brain was convincing you you were single-handedly Dean’s biggest annoyance right now (if Dean could read your thoughts right now, he would be calling you his biggest idiot).

A knock on your door startled you more than it should’ve (considering you had been hunting for quite a while at this point).

A knock. At (you looked over to your alarm clock) 3:34am. ‘Why is Sam awake at this time? Why’s he knocking on my door?’ you thought. ‘It can’t be Dean. I’ve done nothing but piss him off for the last month. You squint your eyes preemptively as you reach over to turn on the lamp by your bed and get up. The floor was cold under your feet, and your body was exhausted from the lack of sleep. You reached towards the doorknob, preparing to see Sam. 

Sam. Who was definitely not at the door. Because Dean was standing there, in boxers and a white t-shirt, holding 2 bowls of cereal, looking as tired as you felt. Huh.

He looked at you silently, extending one bowl towards yourself. You took it hesitantly, staring at him, confused. He didn’t react. He didn’t say a word. Just lifted his bowl to eat his cereal. You moved to give Dean the option to come in. It was like a silent agreement had happened between you. Cereal and silence.

He walked in and sat on your bed; you closed your door and joined him. Wordless. Silent.

Maybe, you weren’t annoying him. Perhaps, he enjoyed this as much as you did. Maybe. Maybe.

Ten minutes passed, and you finished your cereal and leaned over to put it on the mahogany desk. ‘The Men of Letters enjoyed a frivolous life, huh. Who needs a mahogany desk?’ You thought, trying to distract yourself from your overactive mind. Dean moved over to do the same, leaning into you whilst he did. 

He didn’t seem to lean away from you after that. He didn’t seem to move at all. He just sat close as you both stared at the wall, unblinking. God, you were tired. You just wanted to sleep. You felt like your body was going to shut down any day now.

“You should get some sleep,” Dean’s groggy voice came out of nowhere. It surprised you, him actually talking. 

“Yeah, I’m trying,” you replied. Hell, you were trying. You were trying so hard, you just needed to-. Dean moved before you could finish your thought, standing up and moving to the top of the bed, pulling back the dishevelled sheets. He laid down in the bed, propping his head onto his hands.

“Are you just going to stand there?”

You moved to join him in the tiny twin bed. He pulled back the covers to let you in. You weren’t too sure what to do with yourself, then. You sat there with your knees to your chin, shoulders hunched. He had invited himself into your bed, and you felt like you were invading HIS space. Why were you still overthinking this? Why were you still thinking he didn’t want you here? Obviously, he did! 

His arm wrapped around your shoulders before you could think anymore. You looked over at him, his green eyes reflective in the lamplight, and he looked back at you. Wordless. You gave him a small smile and moved to lie down. He joined you, his arm still wrapped around your shoulder. You debated whether you should lean against his chest but decided not to overthink it and just do it. You were sick of overthinking every little thing.

His other arm wrapped around your waist, yours wrapped around his. This was good. He was good. Nothing was exchanged between you; there wasn’t a need for words. You both knew this was what you two needed- each other. Dean had never really been alone (whether it was Sam, Cas, or Benny), and he needed somebody there to remind him that everything was okay. You were okay- sleep-deprived and needing a new career, but okay. 

Your eyes were shutting before you could help it. Dean’s steady heartbeat in your ear and arms around your body calmed you. It was almost funny how quickly you were falling asleep now. Months and months of sleepless nights, and all it took was Dean to be here, holding you. You wished you could enjoy it more (not knowing if this would happen again), but you were so goddamn tired. 

---------------------------------------------------

You awoke the following day to repeated knocks on your door and Sam’s voice shouting your name. Damnit Sam. He opened your door before you even had the chance to fully wake up.

“Have you seen Dea- oh.”

The man in question was fast asleep, his arms still wrapped around you, your legs tangled together. You looked towards Sam as he mouthed a quick ‘sorry’ and left hurriedly. You were surprised it didn’t wake Dean. A pin drop could wake him up. You looked over at him, admiring how peaceful he looked. It was simple. Simple and nice and sort of domestic. Or as domestic as a hunter’s life can be.

You leaned against his chest, his arms tightening around you, falling back asleep.

You two had a different routine from then on- if either couldn’t sleep, you would find each other.

[obessedwithfictionalmen]

Until you come back home pt.2

John Egan X Female! Reader

Summary: Y/n received a letter from Bucky, but it was enough to push her into madness...

Warning: Obsessive love disorder/ mental institution/ electric shock/ freezing bath/ 1940s asylum treatments/ use of Y/n/

Word count: 1.9k

When Harry Crosby came in her room with his letter, she couldn’t believe it. She was going crazy without him. Harry had to argue with the Colonel that she was still sane and still able to do her work, even though it was a lie. She snatched the envelope from his hands and quickly opened it. ‘’Told you he wasn’t dead, Croz, I was right’’ she said, smiling.

My darling Y/n,

I hope you’re doing well; I’ve read every single letter you sent to me. I miss you like crazy, say thank you to Crosby for me, I know he’s taking good care of you, and I’m grateful for it. I’m going crazy too, you know, I miss you so much. I miss everything about you, the conditions are awful here; we only eat potatoes and the other day, we have to kill a cat to eat its meat. It was disgusting, the mattress is so uncomfortable, my back hurts, and I can’t sleep well without you. On a good note, Buck is alive, and he’s here at this camp. That helps a little, but I’m still going crazy. I’m going to try and come back to you, in the meantime, I’ve sent you my necklace, it’s in the envelope, it’s not much but I hope it helps you. I think about you all the time, I’ve started to do the same thing as you, calling your name, until I come back home. I’m driving the guys crazy, but I don’t care. It keeps me sane. We have to keep hoping, I feel that we’re going to see each other again, and when we do, we’re going to get married, and we’re going to live together. I love you, my darling, so much it drives me crazy. Until I come back home; Y/n, Y/n, Y/n…

She hugged the letter before showing it to Crosby. Something in her eyes wasn’t right, something changed. The last bit of her sanity evaporated with the letter, she opened the envelope, taking the necklace and putting it around her neck. ‘’We’re going to get married, Croz’’ she giggled maniacally. ‘’Y/n are you okay?’’ he asked, very concerned with his best friend’s attitude. ‘’Bucky, Bucky, Bucky’’ she kept calling his name, over and over again. ‘’You’re scaring me! Are you okay?’’ he raised his voice. ‘’Never better, Croz’’ she smiled. It pained him, but he had to place her somewhere, she didn’t look okay, and frankly, Crosby was afraid that she would hurt herself, and others. So that night, he went to talk to Colonel Harding, and then, went to his desk, to write a letter.

When Bucky saw that the letter he got was not from Y/n, he was confused. When he saw that it was from Harry Crosby, he was worried. He quickly opened the envelope to see why his girlfriend wasn’t writing to him.

Hello Bucky,

Sorry for not being Y/n. I appreciate your kind words in her letters, I tried to look after her in the best way possible, but after your letter, she’s gone mad. And I don’t mean it lightly, I was afraid for her security, I thought she was going to hurt herself and others on the base. That’s why Colonel and I found it better to send her away, where she can get the help she needs. I wasn’t happy doing it, I felt really bad, but trust me, she needed it. The psychiatrist told me she has an obsessive love disorder. It is easy to cure, but it’s going to be hard. She will still be in love with you because I can tell she truly cares about you. The problem is she’s obsessed with you. She can’t live with the idea of you being dead or injured. She can have self-destructive behavior, so that’s why we decided to send her away. I visited her often. The first weeks were hard, but today marks the second month she’s been there, and I can tell she’s improving. I hope you’re okay, I’m going to try to keep you updated on her progress.

Harry Crosby

They put her into a mental institute. He couldn’t believe it, she wasn’t crazy, she was in love. Even if it made him angry, he understood why he did it. Bucky was just hoping that she was okay, and that they weren’t torturing her.

Electrical shock, that’s how they were ‘curing’ her, by electrocuting her. They also put her into an ice bath. But the doctor said she was getting better at first, she fought the guards, but by the time she did her fifth treatment, she grew tried of fighting them, so she stopped. Today was important for her, she was going to be evaluated by the psychiatrist and he was going to determine if she could get out of here, she needed to be on her best behavior. When guards came in her room, she was sat on her bed, ready to be escorted to his office. When she entered the room, she was nervous, her hands were shaking, and she felt like she was going to throw up. ‘’Hello Y/n, how are you today?’’ Dr. Phillips asked. She cleared her throat before speaking. ‘’Hi Dr. Phillips, I’m quite well, how are you?’’ she spoke nervously. He pressed his elbow in his desk, looking at his notes before responding. ‘’Good, thank you. So do you know why you’re here today?’’ she nodded and gulped. ‘’You’re going to tell me if I’m crazy or not’’ she whispered. Dr. Phillips laughed. ‘’Oh, Y/n, you’re not crazy, who told you that?’’ he laughed. He did, multiple times as he gave her shocks. ‘’Trevor did’’ she lied, Trevor was her only friend here, he was here because he could hear voices. Trevor claimed that he was blessed by the gods. ‘’Y/n, I’m the one that can say if you’re crazy or not, and from what I’m seeing in your file, you’re not crazy anymore’’ she shifted in her seat. She fixed her hair, looking at the ground. She couldn’t look at Dr. Phillips in the eyes, she was scared of him. ‘’Can I, uh, can I, g-g-get out?’’ she stuttered, whispering. She was afraid that he was going to give her an ice bath. ‘’Yes! That’s why I wanted to see you, I wanted to tell you the good news myself, your friend, Harry Crosby, is waiting for you in the lobby.’’ Dr. Phillips exclaimed.

His feet were bouncing on the ground, he couldn’t wait to see her. Harry Crosby got a call yesterday, saying that Y/n was going to be released. When the door opened, he saw her. She looked weak, fragile and tired, what the hell did they do to her. She was skinny, did they feed her? Her cheeks were hollow, and she had purple circles under her eyes. But when Y/n saw her best friend, she smiled, that was the first real smile she had in weeks. ‘’Crosby!’’ she exclaimed, walking towards him. ‘’Hey you! It’s so good to see you!’’ he exclaimed, trying not to show his concern in front of the doctor. ‘’She’s all good and ready to go home, take good care of her.’’ Dr. Phillips patted her back, but she flinched.

The second they were inside the Jeep, Harry drove far away from this place, he was going fast. ‘’Are you okay? What did they do to you?’’ he asked, concerned. Y/n turned to look at her friend. ‘’They cured me’’ she simply said. He sputtered. ‘’Do you still love him?’’ he asked, scared of her answer. ‘’I think so’’ her gaze was empty, it wasn’t normal, something was off.

Gale Cleven escaped, he managed to escape and now he was back on the base. He looked for Y/n, Bucky asked him to go check on her. He knew she had been in a mental institute, but when he saw her, getting out of Crosby’s Jeep, he felt sick. It wasn’t the Y/n he knew, who was this woman. She was walking towards him, smiling, but her eyes were numb. ‘’Gale! How are you?’’ she asked him, smiling. ‘’I’m good, Y/n, how are you, you look hungry’’ he stated, seeing how thin she was. ‘’I’m well, but I am hungry, can we go eat?’’ her tone was monotone, like a robot. It was like her brain was fried. ‘’I gotta go, please can you try to get information on what happened there’’ Harry whispered in Buck’s ear, he nodded as they both walked towards the cafeteria. Since it wasn’t the rush, the cafeteria wasn’t crowded.

She took a bite of the food and smiled. ‘’It’s good?’’ Buck asked. She nodded. ‘’Very, I only ate porridge and bread’’ she admitted, unknowingly. ‘’You look better, Y/n, what did they give you?’’ he asked, hiding his concerns. ‘’Stuff’’ she took another bite of her food. ‘’What kind of stuff?’’ he asked. She zoned out, she thought about the shocks and the freezing water on her skin, her eyes filled with tears. ‘’Baths and a painful treatment’’ she mumbled, but Gale understood every word.

When Bucky came back on the base, he couldn’t wait to see his girlfriend, but Harry Crosby stopped him. ‘’Bucky, wait, we have to tell you something’’ he grabbed his arm. ‘’What Cros?’’ he asked, annoyed that he couldn’t see his girl. He tilts his head to tell him to go into another room. The Colonel was leaning against the table, Gale was seated on a chair, Harry closed the door and offered Bucky a chair. ‘’Major, I would sit down if I were you’’ Colonel Harding ordered. Bucky was confused, what the hell was going on, where was his girlfriend. ‘’Where’s Y/n?’’ he asked. ‘’She’s in her room, but she’s different, Bucky. That place changed her’’ Buck started. ‘’How could they change her?’’ he chuckled nervously. ‘’I didn’t know what kind of treatment they were administering her, but she told Buck everything’’ Crosby started. Bucky looked at his friend, he had his head down. ‘’Electrical shock, ice baths, steam baths, they gave her shock, they almost fried her brain. They fed her porridge and bread; they wouldn’t let her sleep’’ he explained. John Egan couldn’t believe what he was hearing. ‘’H-how’s that legal?’’ he exclaimed, nervously. ‘’But the problem is, the treatments worked, but we don’t know how she’ll react to you being there, Major’’ Harding explained.

Y/n was sitting on her bed, reading the letters she missed when she was away. She heard a knock, and she turned around. There he was Bucky was in front of her. She got up from the bed and smiled. ‘’You’re alive?’’ she choked up on emotions. ‘’I am, darling’’ he said, cautiously, not wanting to trigger anything. ‘’You’re real?’’ she asked. He nodded, she carefully walked up to him, she took his hand, she was making sure he was real. His hand was warm, and his skin was soft. Her eyes filled with happy tears as she looked at him. He gently put his hand on her cheek, wiping away the tear with his thumb. ‘’I love you so much’’ she breathed out, before hugging him. In his arms, every shock, every bath and every torture went away. He was back, she was hugging him, he was real. ‘’You came back home’’ she cried out. ‘’Told you I was coming back, darling’’ he softly whispered in her ear. ‘’Never leave me again.’’ She pleaded. ‘’Never, darling. Because I don’t wanna live forever if my life is not with you’’

[isabelawritesthings]

My headcanons for EVERY (I think) Mortal Kombat 1 character

— Liu Kang is a big fan of Chinese food, because well, in the previous timelines he was Chinese, so he constantly goes to Madam Bo's restaurant to eat.

— Johnny Cage is a great dramatic actor, but unfortunately, Hollywood studios always cast him as comedic characters or male characters who are himbos, wasting his potential as a dramatic actor.

— Kenshi met Suchin after saving her from being attacked by thugs in Tokyo, and the two's connection was almost instantaneous, with Suchin agreeing to run away with him after Kenshi left the Yakuza.

— Raiden has a huge crush on Kitana, and constantly draws pictures of the two of them kissing (he's a cartoonist btw)

— Kung Lao loves Chinese and South Korean comedy dramas, his favorite South Korean comedy drama is "True Beauty".

— Kuai Liang is extremely protective of Harumi, like, if Harumi gets a scar, he won't rest until the person who did it pays dearly. When he was dating Cyrax, he was also quite protective of her as well (He's not a sexist who thinks women are too defenseless to protect themselves, he just wants to keep Harumi safe because he loves her so much).

— Bi-Han trusts women more than men, thanks to the complicated relationship he had with his father and the loving relationship he had with his mother (thanks to his daddy issues, he doesn't trust masculine nature very much, even though he is also a man).

— Shang Tsung is not a "victim of Liu Kang's intrigues", this guy is a sociopath to the core!

— Tanya is not Mileena's first lover, she had a girlfriend as a teenager, the daughter of an archduke, but was forced to end the relationship because the archduke's daughter had to marry a man, breaking Mileena's heart.

— Kitana is a voracious reader, she loves books, especially about the history of the Earthrealm and Seido, her favorite historical figure of Earthrealm is Queen Mary Stuart, a queen of Scotland, reflecting the thinking of some outworlders who think that she should be empress in place of Mileena, just as some 16th-century English Catholics wanted Mary to be Queen of England in place of her cousin, Queen Elizabeth I.

— I don't usually do SMUT headcanons, but I like to think that Sindel and Jerrod had an active sex life, and she never married any man after Jerrod because she only liked to have sex with him, she herself was impressed that she only had the twins and not like, three more children!

— The souls within Ermac have been in the living forest for so long that over time they have become one big family.

— Quan Chi was a thief when he was young and was sentenced to work in the gold mines as a way of paying for his crimes, which is why he hates Sindel so much.

— Tanya was not given to the Umgadi when she was a child, she was actually stolen from her mother's arms like several other Umgadi (a bit cruel, but I wanted to make it similar to Marvel's black widows).

— Li Mei has always been in love with Sindel, but she never had the courage to express her feelings.

— Takeda is destined to meet and fall in love with Jacqui, even though in this timeline she is not Jax's daughter.

— Sektor is a lesbian and has a fraternal relationship with Bi-Han.

— Cyrax can speak several African languages, including Zulu and Arabic.

— I'm going to join @rasta-bot AU that Nitara is also a lesbian, there's a 19th century irish lesbian book called "Carmilla" that I really like, it's about a sapphic vampire, just like Nitara.

— Reiko was a mommy's boy, just like Bi-Han.

— Shao suffers from narcissistic personality disorder.

— Syzoth and Ashrah's love language is physical caresses, such as kisses on the forehead and cheek.

— Ashrah is pansexual (yes, another wlw woman, it's "Mortal sapphic Kombat" for me) she has always felt lonely, so she would like any romantic companionship, no matter the gender.

— Baraka prays to Delia every day that a cure for Tarkat will be discovered (this is actually canon btw).

— Slavery is (unfortunately) legal in Seido, and Havik was enslaved (also canon), so he is an anarchist.

— Tomas is a polyglot, he can speak Czech, Chinese, English and Japanese.

[maaarine]

My PMDD hell: why I went abroad to have my ovaries removed (Sarah Gillespie, The Times, Nov 27 2024)

"For six years, from my late twenties, I have lived with a condition called premenstrual dysphoric disorder, or PMDD.

Due to a genetic quirk, I have a brain sensitivity that makes my body intolerant to its own hormonal changes.

Instead of becoming moody and irritable, as with PMS, I become catatonic and racked with pain.

Dysphoria blooms in my brain, making me depressed and paranoid. I binge on carbohydrates, needing 3,000 calories a day just to function.

This happens for 7-14 days every month, during the latter half of my menstrual cycle, as hormone levels plummet.

On the third day of my period, the fog lifts and I feel normal again. But relief is soon replaced by dread as I survey the destruction.

There are relationships to repair, overdue bills to pay and excess pounds to lose.

It is the life of Sisyphus: every month, I roll the boulder up the mountain only for it to roll down again. (…)

PMDD is surprisingly common and, according to World Health Organisation data, affects 5.5 per cent of women of child-bearing age — about 824,000 women in the UK.

Of these, more than a third have attempted suicide. Yet hardly anyone’s heard of it.

No one knows the cause, either, though scientists generally agree that it’s genetic — hence why psychological therapies can’t fully fix it.

It was only in 2019 that the WHO added PMDD to its international classification of diseases and related health problems (ICD-11), legitimising it as a medical diagnosis (though there are still medical professionals who dispute its existence). (…)

After diagnosis, women with PMDD are put onto a ladder of treatments ranked from least to most invasive.

But as the body ages and hormones become more erratic, PMDD gets progressively worse.

So even when I found a rung on the ladder that worked, I never got to rest there for long.

First, there were lifestyle changes: diet, weight training, high-intensity interval training (HIIT).

Then supplements: chasteberry, evening primrose, magnesium, calcium, L-tryptophan, vitamin B6. Then antidepressants: fluoxetine, sertraline, citalopram.

Then contraceptives: Evra, Yasmin, Eloine. Finally, there was HRT: Utrogestan, Estradot, Estraderm.

I climbed that ladder for five years. Only HIIT and fluoxetine worked, for about nine months each; the rest worked for two months, if at all. (…)

After all this, only one rung was left on the ladder — one with a 96 per cent satisfaction rate, the closest thing to a cure.

This last-resort treatment is a bilateral salpingo oophorectomy: the surgical removal of both ovaries and fallopian tubes.

Upon their removal, all hormone fluctuations would stop, my hormone levels would drop to almost zero and I would enter menopause.

I would need to take hormone replacement therapy (HRT) until my fifties or risk the early onset of osteoporosis, heart disease and dementia. It would also make me infertile. (…)

Getting approved for surgery on the NHS requires a trial period in a reversible “chemical” menopause: monthly injections that would shut down my ovaries, end my suffering and “prove” that I had PMDD.

That was the idea, anyway. Instead, the injections threw my hormones into chaos, resulting in a PMDD episode that lasted for 11 months.

Deprived of even the monthly breaks in my symptoms, I languished in bed.

My attention shattered; I spent countless days scrolling my phone. I gulped down painkillers and sleeping pills like Skittles.

My finances were collapsing. I gained more than two stone in weight.

“It should be working by now,” the gynaecologist said after three months. “Have you tried eating more vegetables?”

The next gynaecologist was no better. “If it hasn’t worked, that suggests it’s not PMDD,” she said. “I should probably refer you to a psychiatrist.”

After months of my pleading, she agreed to write to the surgeon. But her letter was an act of sabotage.

“Sarah has diagnosed herself with PMDD,” she wrote, ignoring my GP’s diagnosis.

“She is on many help groups and accessing a lot of support from other PMDD sufferers online.” In other words: “This hypochondriac is spending too much time on the internet.”

Yes, I was on the internet, but I wasn’t talking to help groups any more.

Instead I’d been digging into scientific papers to find studies on chemical menopause.

Eventually, I found one — a meta-analysis of five clinical trials published in the Journal of Clinical Psychiatry.

It stated that chemical menopause treats PMDD in “upwards of 70 per cent” of cases — but not 100 per cent, as the NHS doctors had said.

The International Association for Premenstrual Disorders (IAPMD) backs this up.

On its page on chemical menopause it says, “In rare cases [chemical menopause] does not fully suppress the cycle and there are breakthrough symptoms… If this was the case, you may still respond well to surgical menopause.”

Two months later, I was in Lithuania. Feeling desperate and unable to afford the £10,000 it would cost for private surgery in the UK, I had googled “gynaecology surgery Europe”.

This led me to Nordclinic in Kaunas, which treats about 2,000 British patients annually.

I sent my medical records to the surgeon, who agreed to perform the surgery. (…)

Though it’s early days, I still can’t believe how well I feel. My future unfurls before me without interruption.

I have so much time: time to write, to see friends and family, to travel, go on dates, paint and sing and read and run.

Time to cook, as I can now handle knives without fear. Time to sit and do nothing and burst out laughing from sheer wonder — for life without PMDD is so, so wonderful and I will forever be grateful for it.

That said, I still need to reckon with all the time taken from me over the past six years.

My trust in our healthcare system is broken and will probably never be restored.

I need to kick away the crutches — food, phone, pills, alcohol — that have held me up and rediscover better ways to cope.

But this time, I don’t need to keep starting again and again and again every month.

Yes, the scars are still red and raw. But by next summer, they’ll be gone."

[alexandraisyes]

This is a flag I found for ASPD. There's an entire archive of support flags for people with different kinds of Cluster B Disorders. I just really like this version.

Antisocial Personality Disorder can be disabling and is considered a social disability. Depending on the psychologist it’s also considered an emotional disability like ADHD or Bipolar.

This may not make sense at a glance, but there’s psychologically found logic behind this.

People with ASPD have severe Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), Chronic Depressive Disorder, and General Anxiety Disorder GAD).

The disorder also tends to be comorbid with Bipolar Disorder, Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), and Depersonalization-Derealization Disorder (DDD), as well as some psychotic disorders like Brief Psychosis Disorder and Schizophrenia. although these last two aren't as common.

There's also a chance for people with ASPD to have overlapping traits from other Cluster-B Disorders (NPD, BPD, HPD). And many people with ASPD struggle with impulse disorders. Common impulse disorders related to ASPD are as follows:

Intermittent Explosive Disorder (IED): Characterized by recurrent outbursts of verbal or physical aggression that are disproportionate to the provocation.

Kleptomania: A recurrent urge to steal items that are not needed for personal use or for their monetary value.

Pyromania: An impulse control disorder characterized by recurrent and deliberate fire-setting behavior.

Pathological Gambling: Persistent and recurrent problematic gambling behavior that leads to significant distress or impairment.

Trichotillomania (Hair-Pulling Disorder): An irresistible urge to pull out one's own hair, resulting in noticeable hair loss.

Many people with ASPD also struggle with addiction and may be fighting addictions to drugs, alcohol, sex, shopping, binge eating, and social media because these are quick endorphin fixes that help us feel something due to the inherent nature of ASPD to be numb almost 24/7.

It's extremely rare for someone with ASPD to get disability aid. Which probably sounds ridiculous, when you look at this massive list of issues. A large part of it is our society. People tend to see someone who has a label that is synonymous with Sociopath and Psychopath (there's a difference between the two) and immediately want them in jail. And it doesn't matter how long they've known that person, or what their relationship is. (I got dumped last year when my ex found out I have ASPD and almost disowned during Christmas when I told my dad. The only reason I haven't been being that he thinks it's a demonic issue that can be "cured with prayer".)

On top of that, our psychology system isn't built to handle someone with a personality disorder like ASPD (or even NPD). I get told a lot "You're really self-aware." Which is basically them saying they aren't going to help you. Of course I'm self-aware if I'm going into the therapist's office for advice (at the least) and actual help (would be great), but I get turned away because if I'm "self-aware", so I should be able to figure it out. This isn't an issue that pertains directly to ASPD, it's also one that affects every disorder that's hard for a neurotypical to understand.

This is more personal. Feel free to read this in a mildly irritated, but not very much, tone of voice. Preferably a tired scholar from Skyrim, that'll make my day.

I cannot function in today's society. I can't hold down a job, and I've tried time and time again. I get a few months in and I hit a wall and my mental health goes to shit. I had to quit my last job for my physical safety because I got bored with just life in general, to the point I was seriously considering sticking my arm in a fry vat.

I haven't even managed to get a proper diagnosis because I don't have health insurance, and I have so many false disorders on my medical diagnosis sheet from my narcissistic father bullying my long-term therapist into giving me damn near every disorder except for ADHD and Conduct Disorder (I was below the age of 18, but it would have helped me in the here and now with securing the diagnosis I need for medical reasons.) Growing up several doctors I worked with wanted to get me set up for an ASPD diagnosis and my father told them no. And because of where I lived I had no say in it, and even if I did my father was abusive, so goodbye to ever speaking up for myself.

On top of that, I'm a woman. There's a severe gender bias in ASPD, as well as the fact that women with ASPD are reportedly less likely to be physically aggressive and more likely to be mentally aggressive, so our symptoms show up slightly differently than the stereotype. And don't even get me started on the stereotypes. Plus women are more likely to be studied for comorbid disorders than psychologists even considering ASPD. This is the same shit autistic women struggled with.

There's a massive underreporting in the female ASPD populace because of this, and a lot more masking going on because everything gets chalked up to "she's just a bitch" or "hormones". There's also just not enough research done on females with ASPD to understand how it may be different from a male with ASPD.

I'm tired. I've been fighting for a year to get people to recognize me as an individual who deals with ASPD. Every time I run into threats of being abandoned (which is horrible, considering I was abused and then abandoned by my biological mom, then put in foster care for the next 4 years), or the road block of "You're a woman. Are you sure you don't have BPD? That's the female disorder." Or just getting tired of the uphill slope. I only have so much stamina, and sure I have a lot of spite for the world, but eventually that's going to run out too. And then I'll probably kill myself.

The suicide rate in general is less than 2%.

The suicide rate for people with ASPD is 23%.

[lillaydee]

In Time Part 12

Rancher Joel Miller / Reader

You lost your dear Uncle. Your TV Star boyfriend dumped you. You needed a job. You got one at a ranch in Wyoming. Where you met Joel. A very grumpy man. Grumpy man has issues.

WARNINGS:

Grumpy Joel, Hurt Joel, Grieving Joel, Joel is Bad at Feelings (The Last of Us), Joel Needs a Hug (The Last of Us), Joel Has PTSD - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (The Last of Us), Mentions of Hostage Situation and Shooting, Alternate Universe - No Cordyceps Outbreak (The Last of Us), Mutual Pining, Fluff and Angst

SERIES MASTER LIST

Part 11

---

Joel was at a loss; he was shocked by what was happening. One second, he was comforting his inconsolable ex, the next, her tongue was invading his throat, and she was aggressively grinding on his lap in the middle of the chow hall. He was torn between biting her tongue off, or just throwing her on the floor, risking deliberately harming a woman for the first time in his life.

But his thoughts were all moot.

Because the next thing he knew, she was pulled off him and thrown onto the floor by a very angry pair of hands.  

Cleo slid on the floor for a good few yards, shock written all over her face, magically no longer devastated at all, looking around for the powerful source that literally yanked her by the hair and waistband off of Joel before she found herself sliding on her ass. For a moment, she thought she should be looking for a big burly man. But no one fitting that description was anywhere near her, save for Joel who was still in shock on the chair she had pushed him into.

The only person standing near her was you.

The soft spoken, lady-like, would-never-harm-a-fly you.

You, who didn’t do anything when you found her naked at your boyfriend’s house.

She opened her mouth to shout at you, but the look in your eyes actually threw ice-cold daggers all over her insides.

You stood over her, advancing on her as you spoke, forcing her to shuffle backwards to get away from you. All the frustrations you had ever felt for this woman came pouring out of you like a faucet.

“I’ve had it with you trying to get your slutty paws all over my men. You already stole one man from me, and you want to steal another? You think you had it bad right now? You think you’re ashamed right now? You think you’re at your lowest now? You forget yourself, Cleo. I lived in Hollywood for over twenty years. I had top notch producers and directors and A-listers as neighbours and babysitters. I walked their dogs, I babysat their children, I made a living chopping their dogs’ balls off and curing their pets of cancer. One phone call to the right person, and you will know what being cancelled really means, Cleo. Get your ass off our floor and get the fuck out of here. If I so much as catch you breathing anywhere near my man, let alone put your filthy hands on him ever again, I will draw and quarter you myself. You understand me?”

She scrambled to her feet, opened the front door and ran off, not looking back.

It was like you floated out of your body and got snapped back into it.

You were standing in front of the main door.

How the fuck did you get there?

You turned around and walked back into the chow hall, your stomach rumbling.

You were met with many pairs of eyes staring at you.

“Well,” Mrs Adler said, “looks like we don’t need a guard dog after all.”

“Damn, Doc,” Tommy said. “The hell did you find the energy to pull her off like that?”

“She pulls calves and foals off of cows and horses. One malnourished D-lister? No problem!” Frank chimed in, eating his lunch as if nothing just happened.

You picked up a plate and began piling food in. Suddenly famished. Joel joined you, an amazed look on his face.

“Well, that was… something. You okay darling?”

“Yeah. Course. I’m just hungry,” you said, suddenly horrified that this man just saw you hulk out.

You sat down, and began eating, doing your best to avoid eye contact with him. He placed a glass of water next to your plate and sat next to you.

“So, your man, huh?”

Oh God, he heard that.

You couldn’t look him in the eye. The She-Hulk had been unleashed, and she was more than content to go dormant again for a long, long time.

He chuckled and leaned in to kiss you on the cheek. You got up to your feet and put your hand out in front of him.

“Nope. You are not getting those lips anywhere near me until you have brushed your teeth at least ten times and gargled an entire bottle of mouthwash. Perhaps sanitize your mouth with alcohol too. I am not kissing you right after that.”

You shuddered at the thought.

He laughed and put his hands up in surrender.

“Okay, She-Hulk,” he said, winking at you, retreating to his house to do just that.

You sat back down and continued eating. Tess and Maria joined you. Tess eyed you, impressed at what she just saw.

“You know, when I first met you, I thought, shit. She’s not going to last for long on a ranch. Too soft, too polite. Damn, I am proud to say I stand corrected.”

“Joel better watch it. Fierce, and chops balls for a living. Love it, sister,” Maria said with a grin.

You couldn’t help it. You laughed. You honestly couldn’t believe you just did that.

Would it be wrong to be proud of yourself a little bit?

---

Not a week later, Maria called you to the office, a lawyer representing David and Cleo with her. The entire family was there. The lawyer brought in an NDA, trying to ensure that you and the family wouldn’t be exposing his clients’ unfortunate past mistakes, ailments, misbehaviours and misfortunes to anyone. In exchange, they will keep all your identities secret and never bother you again, and Cleo would not be pressing charges on you for ‘attacking’ her, twice. He had even located ‘the source’ of the leak, and they had agreed to sign a document stating that they will not make any more statements regarding Sarah or her family, for a little incentive, of course, paid for by Mr Landon himself.

Maria, ever the lawyer, made sure the documents were iron clad, the family’s privacy must be protected at all costs. She advised you that if you declined to sign, the whole family will back you up, and she will personally make sure any lawsuits Cleo threw at you will be thrown out, but the document was legit now, and she and David will have no choice but to leave you and the entire family alone. Only once everything was to her satisfaction did everyone, yourself included, sign the document.

---

Of course, the world was not always fair. Cleo and David got back together, putting on a strong front, although you suspected they were only doing it for show. They never announced their supposed split, so pictures of them holding hands were everywhere, looking all loved up and happy. Cleo appeared on some talk show, talking about PPD, and her ‘experiences’ being affected by it, a supposed ‘expert’ supporting her claims. And then, of course, she put on the waterworks about how much she had been punished, her child taken way too early, and how she had found God, and hoped to see her in the Pearly Gates. Her fans ate it all up, loving her bravery for coming forward amidst all the criticism thrown at her.

No one showed those clips to Joel, naturally.

David suddenly was an inspiration to younger men with ED everywhere, talking about his problems on national TV before endorsing little blue pills for men like him. The couple appeared together promoting their show, claiming that they had married in an intimate ceremony, just close family and friends, which you suspect was a lie too. Their strategy seemed to work. People seemed to love them still.

Although, their show was cancelled pretty much immediately. Funny, that.

You didn’t hear of see much of them after. Last you heard from your friends in LA, Cleo was seen walking dogs and working at the pet saloon now. David had taken up teaching acting to aspiring actors. They were definitely no longer together though, never seen together again after that interview. Apparently, the offers dried up. Shame. Such a fickle industry.

---

The day after the lawyer came in, Tommy drove you and Joel to town to pick up your new secondhand car. You were very excited. Tommy dropped you two at the dealership, before leaving to run his errands. Joel stood in front of your new car, an incredulous look on his face.

“This is what you bought?”

You nodded excitedly, and unlocked your new car, only a few years old, practically brand new. You got in and watched as Joel struggled to get his huge frame into the passenger seat of the Mini Cooper you just bought. His grumpy face was back on as you drove the little car back to the ranch, his head bumping on the roof several times as the car bounced off the gravelly road to his house.

When you’d arrived, you gave him an excited look, and asked him what he thought of your new car. He responded by pulling you onto his lap, which ended with you bumping your head on the roof. Okay, maybe this was a bad idea, frowning a little, upset that making out in this car was near impossible with your hunk of a boyfriend. He kissed you on your nose with a small laugh, telling you he loved your car, but maybe let’s go inside?

After a bit of a struggle (for him) getting out, he dragged you into his house, and carried you straight upstairs. He began to pull your clothes off before you even got up the stairs, his lips on your body, never leaving it for a second as your bodies get all tangled up together in his bed, filthy moans and whimpers filling the room, before the two of you lay sated in each other’s arms.

“You really don’t like my car?” you asked him.

“I love it, but maybe we’ll take my truck if we go out okay? I think I’m in great danger of a concussion if I ride in that car too often.”

You smacked him on his bare chest playfully.

“It’s not for long. It’s already June. My contract runs out in November.”

He stilled.

“Do you really want to leave?”

You didn’t know how to answer that. How do you tell him that you wanted to stay more than anything, but it was up to him? This was his territory. His life. His family. He hadn’t dated anyone since Cleo, and that, to you, meant that you had no right to set the rules of this relationship. You couldn’t just decide to stay, even if you could afford to without the job. You two had been seeing each other for what? A month? Bit too soon to be making life altering decisions, no? Sure, you were crazy in love with him, but technically, you were still in the getting to know each other stage.

“It’s not up to me, Joel.”

“Where would you go if you leave?”

“I dunno. Back to England? Travel? I really don’t know.”

“Then stay, please.”

“Joel…”

“No, I’m serious. Stay.”

“When Peter comes back, what would be the point of staying? I can’t stay and take up his business, his livelihood. But I can’t stay just being your… whatever this is. We haven’t even decided what we are, it’s been a month!”

“I want to be with you. If you decide to leave, I will leave with you. Whatever you want. But please, think about it. Stay, stay here, with me. Please…”

Your lips involuntarily curled into a smile, happy to know he wanted you to stay.

“I’ll think about it.”

He kissed you; muttering thank you over and over.

“But we will still take my truck when we go out.”

“Okay.”

He stopped kissing you.

“Okay? Okay you’ll stay or okay we’ll take the truck if we go out?”

You didn’t answer, just pulled him back down for another kiss, one that didn’t stop for hours.

---

He picked you up at home, dressed in his best flannel and jeans. You asked him, yet again, if he was sure he wanted to do this? He was, he said. He needed to.

The drive over was silent. He had insisted that you sit right next to him rather than across the bench seat, he needed to feel you pressed up to him. You kept your head on his shoulder as he drove, your hand on his leg, occasionally stroking his arms as he let go of the steering wheel to take your hand in his. He was nervous, you could tell. And you couldn’t blame him, you would be too.

He parked in the lot designated for family for the day. The family was already there, he hadn’t decided to go until the last minute. You had called Tess when he decided to take the leap, and they had waited for the two of you in the parking lot.

All of you walked hand in hand towards the store. A tent had been erected right out front, the pictures of those who lost their lives three years ago stood at the front, their families sat in the front row.

It was a beautiful service. Representatives of the families spoke about the people they’d lost, spoke of grief, of hope, of courage. Anita spoke on behalf of the family for Sarah, and Ellie spoke for Annie, Joel’s hand on yours the entire time.

After, he and Ellie went up front, placing flowers underneath the pictures of their lost loves, holding hands, followed by a long hug. It warmed your heart to see them like that; they had come a long way, even in your short time there. You couldn’t imagine them any other way. Their evenings spent riding together, Ellie joking around with Joel, endlessly teasing him for being old. He acted annoyed, but it was clear to anyone who saw them together how much he loved her.

The entire family visited the cemetery next, Ellie officially introducing you to her mom, telling her what a kick-ass vet you were. She had been disappointed to miss the throwdown with Cleo, claiming she would have paid good money to have seen that.

When you got back in the truck after, you asked him if he was okay.

“Surprisingly, yeah. I thought I was going to cry, completely lose my mind, but I guess, talking to her every night made it feel as if she was still around, you know? It felt like she’s gone, but still with me.”

You could only nod. You could relate to that. Talking to your parents and Benny had kept you sane, so to speak. It felt good to know that it had done the same for him.

Everyone stopped at the Bison for dinner that evening, you a bit apprehensive to see Angela again. But she was nowhere to be seen. Andy told you that she had quit a couple of months ago, no idea where she disappeared to. Tess might have suggested that maybe she was making full use of a windfall she may have gotten. People in the village knew it was her to leaked the entire David-Cleo thing. Rumour was, she got away with more than a million dollars to her name.

“Well, at least I can come work here when Peter comes back. I’d go crazy sitting at home waiting for this one to come home from being fawned on by tourists and the mysterious surge of ladies who had signed up for horse riding lessons if I don’t have a job,” you said, laying your head on Joel’s shoulder.

“You’re staying? Even if Pete comes back?” Ellie squealed.

You shrugged. “Where else am I gonna go?”

Joel turned to look at you, asking you if you were sure. When you nodded, he pulled you in for a kiss, which earned an “Eww… get a room old man… I don’t know how you could let him kiss you like that Doc…” from Ellie.

Joel got up and pulled you with him, tossing some cash on the table before taking you outside and into his truck. You pressed yourself up to him, ready for the drive home, but he turned and pushed you onto your back, devouring your mouth as if he would starve without kissing you, his hands roaming all over your body, his mouth travelling to your ears, your neck, your chest, before ripping your panties off and unbuckling his belt. He searched in the console for a bit, tore open the packet he found, and the next thing you knew, the top of your dress was pushed down, you were screaming his name, your legs locked around his waist, his mouth on your nipples as he rocked himself into you over and over until the both of you stilled, mouths opened in silent screams before shuddering uncontrollably, breaths quivering, hands holding each other tight, not wanting to separate, ever.

“You’re really staying?”

“Mm hmm… I’m really staying.”

The grin he gave made him look sixteen again. He kissed you long and sweet, happy that he would get to do this for the rest of his life.

A knock on the passenger door jolted the both of you out of your rendezvous, Tommy stood with his back to the truck, warning the two of you to leave before everyone else comes out. Tess will have your heads if Ellie saw you two like that.

Joel thanked him, the two of you got dressed quickly and drove home. Joel reminded you that THAT was a good reason to use his truck whenever you two go out. You smacked him on his chest before cuddling up to him, sighing contentedly.

Joel made love to you again and again that night, his heart too full of you, wanting to show you over and over how appreciative he was that you’d decided to stay. As you were starting to doze off in his arms, he told you he loved you.

Sleep became the last thing on your mind after that.

---

You were sitting in Maria’s hospital room, her brand-new baby boy in your arms, Ellie cooing at him, her head on your shoulder. Oh, you were so in love with him already. Thank God you decided to stay. When you thought about it, saying goodbye to Joel wasn’t the only thing making leaving difficult. You couldn’t imagine not seeing these people every day anymore. And now, this dashing young thing arrived, and completely stole your heart.

“You are so cute, yes you are, yes you are, you are so cute I’m gonna kidnap you every day and put you in my little pocket!” you cooed at him, while Ellie giggled in your ear.

Joel sat at the other end of the room with his brother, watching you coo over his nephew. Oh shit. You’re a natural. Something about you holding a baby stirred something in him. You pregnant with his child. Him, talking to your belly at night.  Now, that’s an image he couldn’t get out of his head, no matter how many times he shook it clear. God, Joel. It’s only been a couple of months. Chill. Take it slow.

He came over and took his nephew from you, much to your chagrin. He started speaking to him in his low, low voice, telling him he would spoil the living shit out of him, that he would want for nothing. Come to Uncle Joel if your daddy gives you grief, huh?

You sat in your chair, watching him coo over his nephew. Oh shit. He’s a natural. Something about him holding a baby stirred something in you. You, pregnant with his child. Him, talking to your belly at night. Now, that’s an image you couldn’t get out of your head, no matter how many times you shook it clear. God, Amelia. It’s only been a couple of months. Chill. Take it slow.

---

When August came, Peter called. He had reconnected with his childhood sweetheart while back home. He was giving his three months’ notice. Looked like you were really staying now, and Joel’s hidden worry that you would be working with Andy every day dissolved.

You were happy to keep working, your only problem being the many, many swarms of buzzing ladies who kept fawning over Joel during those touristy things. Shameless women crooning at him, telling him to teach them how to ride properly, calling him the BDE rancher, asking you to give them his number, wondering out loud how you could stand to work with someone that hot every day.

Joel shut them up, though, going out of his way to get close to you any chance he got, kissing you sweetly, telling them in not so many words that he was happily taken. And apparently, there was a new rule now, there was strictly no separating from your group if you were on one of those tours. Word was, an email the resident vet had received from a certain Italian vet asking for advice on force birthing a cow had the owner in a tizzy, convinced that ‘ciao’ had a hidden meaning somewhere.

No matter, when all was said and done, when the tourists had gone home, the two of you came home to each other, and the next morning, kissed each other goodbye, matching thermoses in your hands, filled with drinks made by each other, for the other.

---

“Come on, I want to show you something.”

You took his hand, and he led you at a leisurely pace towards the Benny place. It’s still your favourite place to go on the ranch. As you got nearer, he stopped you, and covered your eyes with his hand. He carefully guided you to where he wanted you to stand for the big reveal.

“Ready?”

“Yeah.”

He took his hand off, and you blinked several times, before seeing a brand-new giant hammock tied between the two oak trees.

You squealed, hugged him so tight, whispered thank you over and over, kissing him all over his face, getting lipstick everywhere.

You ran to the hammock, calling for him to join you. You made him stand on the other side and told him how important it was to get this right. You cannot afford to topple over today. He nodded, putting on his focused face.

You asked him to follow your movements, exactly. With some difficulty on your part, the two of you managed to climb on, before the hammock tilted dangerously towards his side, him being a lot heavier than you. He quickly adjusted, going towards the middle, and caught you before you could fly off it. You fell half on his body, laughing hysterically, remembering all the times you fell off it at Benny’s. He wrapped his arm around your body, his other hand behind his head. You wrapped your leg over his, your head on his chest.

“Do you remember the first time I brought you here?”

Hmm… you replied. Remembering the first Christmas you spent with him.

“That was the night you healed me.”

You looked up at him, confusion on your face.

“I talked to Sarah for the first time that night. And everything just… fell off my shoulders. Woke up feeling lighter, happier, like I could move on. Like I would be okay. And it was all because of what you said to me, that night, here.”

You couldn’t speak, remembering what he was like back then. Hidden in his shell.

“I was so angry at everything, everyone. And now, look at me.”

He kissed you on your temple, long and deliberate.

“It just takes time to heal, that’s all. I’m glad I’m here to enjoy this wonderful man you have become.”

He turned towards you, placing his fingers under your chin, making sure your eyes were on his.

“It wasn’t time that did it, darling.”

And he kissed you, like it was the first time, like it was the last time. This man you fell in love with, the love of your life.

“Oh, my God, I knew it! I found them, guys! Really? Again?”

The family came rushing towards the Benny place, Ellie leading, having found you after the two of you disappeared, yet again. Tommy arrived in Joel’s ratty old truck, freshly washed for the occasion.

Joel groaned at the interruption but conceded that you should probably get going. He gently helped you off the hammock. The two of you quickly said your goodbyes, hugging and kissing everyone, Joel escorting you to the passenger door and made to open it for you. You held up a hand at him and did the jiggle-push-pull combo with ease, and the door opened with a creak. Joel laughed out loud, and lifted you up, placing you in the cab, making sure your skirt and train were all in before closing the door for you.

He got in, kissed you, hard and true, and began driving.

The red, rusty, ratty, old beater of a truck with ‘Just Married’ sprayed across the bumper and cowbells tied across the back rattled onwards, flower petals and rice, along with joyous laughter and cheers from loved ones following in its wake.

---

Epilogue