#they understand the loyalty to your own people so they would never blame the other for not showing up for someone else’s city over their own

[lliquidllyrium]

The only complaint I have about Lucanis’ romance being locked after not saving Treviso is if you’re a shadow dragon because by design I think there’s a double standard given who he ends up with if not romanced

[whatifyoulivelikethat]

never not mine, m | jjk | "... in your eyes."

pairing(s): jungkook x reader

You'll find that you were never not mine. Wandering sometimes leads to finding. Finding sometimes leads to the truth. The truth sometimes leads to pinning someone to the wall and kissing them. But only if it feels right.

part i | part ii | this is part iii

warnings: rated M (18+) for language; sloooow burn; exes-to-lovers / second chance romance; angst and fluff and feels; your POV; smut (nipple play, scratching / marking, handjob, cum-eating / feeding, fingering, penetrative sex - missionary, doggy)

non-idol!AU; fashion model!Jungkook — ft fellow model/actor!Kim Taehyung and model/businessman!Kim Seokjin; reader is not part of the entertainment industry

--

“What is the most important lesson in your life you’ve learned so far?”

The most important lesson I’ve learned, huh… I think I would say that even though this world is difficult, tough, downright unbearable at times, it is okay to be comforted by the small things. I think a lot of people ignore those small things when they’re upset since they seem frivolous or out-of-touch to appreciate when you are having a hard time. But those are the most important times to enjoy them. We should not feel guilty about a small happiness. A taste of a favorite sweet. The sunset sky when you look up. Laughing with a friend even though everything around you feels dark. These moments will become the stars that will light up your universe in this black world.

For such a friendly, unassuming young man in a suit, he had been such a poet.

At first, you wondered if this was something you could apply on to your life. You had asked, it works in reverse too, doesn’t it?

He had tilted his head, inquisitive. What do you mean?

Small, painful things can slowly but surely break a reverie too, if you don’t take notice of them.

Ah. You’re right.

Each conversation had been insightful in its own way. The woman in the white dress. The most important lesson I’ve learned is loyalty. You might not make as much money or be as famous as you would if you turned your back on someone, but money and fame are fleeting. If you nurture those around you well, you will live a fulfilled life. The man with the silvery-blonde hair and white dress shirt. What an odd question. For me… to be proud of doing what I want to do, even if I may not measure up to the success of others. When I was younger, I thought it was more important to reach a massive audience, to have many people see my color. But now... I don’t think that’s what I want. I want to be an important part of someone’s life, short-term or long-term. I want my time to count to those who count. The woman in a tight denim number and lots of colorful bracelets. It’s important to be yourself. No one walks the same path. You might be too much for some but you might be just right for others, and those people will end up understand you best. The last one, a man with a bright smile and black dress shirt that seemed to barely contain his energy. An important lesson, huh? I guess I would say, go for it. Sometimes I’m uneasy or not confident in a new situation, and I have to remember to just go for it. Yeah, I think I’ve learned a lot from just doing rather than thinking too long about it. The only thing holding me back was being scared. But, being scared doesn’t mean you can’t take action. It means you can, because you have the strength to acknowledge your fear.

Yes, well.

Going for it sort of ended in smashing over a million won worth of liquor into the ground.

You couldn’t blame the advice though. Honestly, you were glad for it. You were glad for each and every connection you made tonight with those strangers. You weren’t sure if Kim Seokjin had set it all up or if each one had approached from their own curiosity. A mixture of both, maybe. Before, they had all been only pretty faces. A shallow judgement for each individual’s hopes, dreams, and realities. You were sure that was Seokjin’s plan – for you to see for yourself what kind of world you were in.

Maybe not so vapid after all.

A little silly, perhaps.

“Hmph, well, at least I can thank you for not letting me walk into a porn scene.”

You winced as Kim Seokjin folded his arms. You both had stopped at the end of the hallway with Seokjin waving the guards away to speak to you directly. Your feet were mildly hurting from standing up for so long. It could have also been due to the emotionally draining past hour.

“I had no intentions of that,” you protested.

Those perfect brows furrowed in disbelief. “Uh huh.”

You made a face. “Nothing was happening back there.”

“Uh huh,” Seokjin tittered again.

You couldn’t keep looking up at him anymore. He held a hand up as you shifted your eyes to the wall, crossing your arms too. Mostly to keep warm. And to hide a bit.

“Nu uh, I don’t want to know what dirty things you two were talking about.”

You couldn’t help but roll your eyes. “It’s not like that–”

Seokjin cut you off abruptly. “Did it help?” he inquired pointedly. “Did smashing one of my most expensive bottles of alcohol provide the catharsis you were looking for?”

You felt your cheeks heat. “S-Sorry, I’ll pay for it–”

“Hmph!” He sounded and looked offended. “I don’t need money. I have plenty of that. What I don’t have plenty of is somewhat sane people in my life. I watched you destroy public property and slap one of my security guys as if it was a normal Friday night for you.”

You cowered a bit. “Ah… I’ll apologize to him too.”

Seokjin sighed. He was a refined man with a hint of childishness that gave him eternal youth.

“I was glad to see it.”

He laughed slightly, shaking his head. You stared at him.

“I was nearly afraid that dating Jeon Jungkook had broken you.”

Wait.

“Broken me?”

His large shoulders slumped a little. “Ah, it was… It was so obvious. With Jungkook, too. It was as if the light had been sucked out of him. And you. There was a coldness about you that formed. I worried if you could hear all the whispers behind hands. Hoped Jungkook-ah had shielded you from them or, I don’t know, made you impervious somehow. But you could feel it too, couldn’t you? The ostracization. And he had contributed to it, in time.”

He had noticed.

That was enough to touch your heart.

You faltered. “It’s none of your fault. Or his circle of friends.”

Seokjin waved his hand. “Of course not. But it was still there. Hearing mindless droning all day is still a minor annoyance that builds up to a hornet’s nest over time. And I – no, we – spoke up too late.” He lowered his arms, defeated. “There isn’t much I can do, I know. But I wanted you to know that not everyone among us feels that way. Not everyone has their head in the clouds. Not just my circle of friends, but lots of people in this industry are good people with good intentions who are much better at comforting words than I am.”

You felt a surge of gratitude. Maybe for the first time tonight, you felt like crying. You lifted your head to soft, black brown eyes that were the windows to a big heart.

“Thank you.”

He seemed taken aback. “Ah… Right. Yes, you’re welcome,” he mumbled awkwardly.

You bowed to him.

“S-Stop that!” He smacked your shoulder with a mix of panic and defiance. “Don’t be ridiculous. And, anyway, I didn’t even succeed! You still ended up in an altercation with that big-nosed dongsaeng of mine. Hah…”

You laughed a little. “Ah, I’m sorry about that too. It was my fault he was so riled up.”

Seokjin gave you a contemptuous look that would put even the most disapproving aunt to shame. “No, really?”

You tried not to laugh. He was making it very difficult. It was probably the designer suit and corporately-parted hair mixed with his cartoonish reaction. “Please don’t be too hard on him.”

He made a disgruntled face as if he had to deal with an obnoxious puppy. “You should be worried about me. I’m sure he’s back there stomping his feet and being a stubborn little shit. Hah, well. I’ll have security escort you to your car waiting outside. Don’t slap anybody.”

You pouted. His youthfulness was infectious. “Aish, I won’t. I know my limits.”

“If only your other half did.” Seokjin threw up his hands in exasperation. “Go before I change my mind.”

He wouldn’t.

You backed off anyway, letting Seokjin saunter off, and was greeted halfway to the door by a kind security guard who didn’t ask if you were going to slap him. He did seem amused though. He was professional enough to keep it to himself, leading you to a side entrance where a black car was waiting to take you home after a very long and enlightening night.

-

Night felt different now.

Days felt different too, but the change wasn’t as obvious due to the hours consumed by work. There was plenty of distraction during the day, although you became strangely aware to how the world seemed different. How the sunlight seemed brighter. How there seemed to be a rhythm to the birds’ wings as they flapped away. How you occasionally caught yourself scanning the faces on streets, looking for something.

Someone.

But the sunset is when you noticed the shadows dancing around you. As the day died, you watched people slip from their responsibilities to their desires. A warm meal. A visit to the store to pick up a visual treat or a world within pages. A chance to see a familiar face, ending in a hug or, if lucky, a kiss. Stories within bodies.

You, too.

You found yourself at the movie theater again. You spent a moment, scanning the titles, picking an action movie you had never heard of. Even splurged for the popcorn, shaking it up in the bag with the salty, garlicky powder getting on your fingertips. You spotted a few clusters of friends. Couples. But also a few single individuals that were busy getting comfortable in their seats, placing their belongings just so, as if they did this all the time.

So, you too, sat down and placed your black bow purse beside you, adjusting your popcorn bag to the perfect snacking distance. It was exciting as the lights dimmed to black, enjoying the music score in surround sound, sucked into another world of imaginary action that you could safely enjoy despite all the bullets.

With popcorn, of course.

It felt different now.

It was only after you made your way home that you realized why.

And you smiled.

Another night, you decided to stop by the mall. Not to buy anything really, but to listen to the music at each of the stores. In this day and age of everything online, it was rare for you to make the effort. It was different now though, somehow. Honestly, not so bad. You purchased an overpriced drink and pretended to look at all the clothes as you listened to what was popular right now. Occasionally, you heard something interesting and pulled out your phone to search for the title of the song vis one of the lyrics, the usual way you used to do it. There were definitely apps for identifying songs instantly now, you thought, but there was something hands on and extra satisfying of replicating an old process.

You found yourself in front of a wall of skirts.

You looked up at the colors, the patterns, and saw nothing of what was currently in your wardrobe.

At work, you were required to dress semi-professionally. A lot of single-color blouses, long black skirts, simple silhouette dresses. A cardigan was your idea of spicing it up. In fact, today you were in a maroon button-up blouse with a high neck and billowy sleeves, and your signature long black skirt. Black heels with a cross strap detail, nothing special. Before, while you were dating Jungkook, you had borrowed a lot of clothes, as they had been required for specific events. Transactions. Nothing you personally owned, nor needed to. Even the small, tight dresses that you had purchased for dates you didn’t own anymore. You had donated them all. They had been purchased with the intent to look like a model’s girlfriend. Not to look like, well.

Yourself.

A pink gingham miniskirt with small red strawberries stitched onto it caught your eye.

You left the store with a brown bag with a few parcels wrapped in pink tissue paper and a lighter bank account. Did you know where you were going to wear these clothes? Nope. It was different, buying without a purpose, and yet.

It was an excuse to find an occasion.

You settled on a bench with a smile.

You held your drink and lifted your head, watching people walk past. Seeing glimpses of their stories through the windows of shops. A surprised face at seeing something they wanted. A look of bliss once they took a sniff of a scented candle. A wringing of hands in front of a gift shop, running out of time and paralyzed by decision. You took a sip, wondering if they would be successful. Your thoughts wandered, as they always did. I have someone. Individual realities parallel to yours, with the occasional interaction a demonstration of interaction. Moments that required moving against the natural course for a purpose. Sometimes a brief purpose, and sometimes entangled because they wanted to be.

The question was, did you want to be?

You had become aware of how your line had been. Dulled by distraction, lacking intersections, moving the lonely course without remorse. All the small things becoming a blur of monotony. The roses had become colorless from the coldness that you had inadvertently held onto.

Bit by bit, you were finding color once more.

You stood up with your empty cup, hurrying to find the appropriate trash can to dispose it in.

“Hey, excuse me!”

You started.

A mother with her arm around a small child’s shoulders waved at you. “Your shopping.”

“Oh, sh–sorry!”

You went back, bowing repeatedly as you picked up the brown bag, startled that you had forgotten your quite expensive purchases. The child shook their head at you. You sheepishly laughed, letting yourself be scolded by the kid. “An adult shouldn’t be so careless!” Well, that was a bit harsh, but you thanked them anyway, waving as you parted.

You turned around, returning to your escape route.

Careless, huh?

Maybe the kid was right.

Someone in black was walking down the path. A man. He was walking fast. An oversized grey beanie with dark hair poking out. Body drowning in a slashed black hoodie and ripped jeans. Black boots. Black face mask. It was a bit odd because he was wearing sunglasses inside. Still, there was no reason for you to look twice. He looked up.

Somehow you knew your eyes had met.

You slowed down.

Jeon Jungkook slowed down, reaching up to remove his glasses.

Would your eyes have met if you hadn’t had to double back to retrieve your shopping bag?

If you weren’t careless?

You saw him catch his breath as soon as he knew it was you. You weren’t sure how he knew. Then again, how did you know? This entire adventure had been on a whim. He stopped at a reasonable distance from you, and half-lowered his face mask, as if to greet you. But neither of you could utter a word. You held your small black purse that you haven’t changed in several years. It was a simple design with the designer embossed in very small font above a leather bow sewed flush to the front. Unremarkable, really, unless you knew.

And he knew, because Jungkook had brought it for you.

The first gift at the very beginning. He looked from the bag to you. Wondering if he should comment on it. He hesitated, and you understood why. Two parallel lines. No interaction would occur unless one moved against the natural course and doing so would be, well.

Careless.

“I hope,” you started, cautiously. Something flickered in those big brown orbs. “I hope Kim Seokjin didn’t scold you too much.”

He lowered his head a bit, half-laughing and half-scowling. “I did get a scolding for causing a commotion.”

“It was my fault,” you acknowledged once again.

He shook his head. “No, it was mine.”

You half-smiled. “Wanna fight about it?”

Jungkook raised his head, still holding onto the bottom of his face mask. You could see the mirth in his stance. It was almost as if there wasn’t a weighing limbo trapped between you and him.

“Actually, yeah.”

Almost immediately, you saw him falter, as if he knew he shouldn’t say something like that. You felt a sting witnessing it. He opened his mouth, and you almost heard it, his casual, just kidding, and this wasn’t like him at all.

“Hey, Jungkook.”

You interrupted him before he could add, just kidding. He stiffened, exposing hints of the printed white t-shirt under the tears of his hoodie. You were both occupying space on the walkway. People needed to walk around, some unbothered, some slighted by the inconvenience. His name on your tongue felt foreign and familiar at the same time. An end and a beginning all at once.

I have someone.

So did you.

You smiled.

“It’s really good to see you out and about.”

His eyes widened. You hoped he could tell that you meant it. “Yeah.” He cleared his throat a bit, trying to eliminate the sudden croak. “Yeah. You too. I’m…” His eyes shifted a bit. He was always focused on you, regardless. “I’m glad I ran into you today.”

And maybe that was it.

You were okay with that, though. That might have previously been a lie, but not now. It was probably unnecessary to say. Perhaps you had spoken up for some sort of closure, for both you and him. A chapter ended in some way.

He rubbed the back of his neck, ticking his head to the brown bag by your side. “You came to shop today?”

You held it up halfway with a chuckle. “Ah, well… It wasn’t the plan. Ended up that way.” You noticed the way he intently observed your actions. Couldn’t avoid it, really. You lowered the bag, not hiding even though it was maybe the better thing to do. “What about you?”

He paused. Had he forgotten already? You watched him gain his bearings with bemused patience.

“Ah, I…”

Jungkook looked and sounded embarrassed.

“What the hell,” he muttered, shaking his head. “Actually, I cancelled a shoot last minute.”

Your head tilted. “I’m surprised. That’s not like you.”

His pink lips upturned. You could spot that tiny mole underneath them, right at the center. “Yeah…” He trailed off, unable to meet your gaze. Ashamed, almost.

“It’s okay, though,” you offered. You hated to see that expression on his face. “You did what you felt was right. These things happen.”

He scoffed, shoving his hands in his pockets. “I haven’t cancelled a shoot since…” He stopped.

You waited.

Jungkook glanced at you. You saw a pink twinge dust across his cheekbones.

“Since I first asked you out.”

You blinked at him. “What are you talking about?” You frowned. “I don’t remember anything like that.”

He winced and looked up at the ceiling, rocking on his heels a bit. “Actually, I… I lied. I pretended I wasn’t getting any bookings. Just to spend time with you in the beginning. But, uh, then I felt guilty. I wasn’t the man I thought I needed to be. The man you deserved.” He sighed, yanking one of his hands out to scratch his eyebrow absentmindedly. “But maybe I never was, because then I got swept up in all that bullshit.”

Jungkook looked down.

“I know it’s too late to say such things now.”

He seemed to collapse a little bit despite his tall frame.

“Now, it’s…” He sighed. “I can’t concentrate at all. I keep asking myself what I’m doing. For a while there I kept working in hopes that you would…” He grimaced again, but chose to ramble on anyway. “So you would still see me everywhere. Stupid, huh? And now it’s just…” He shook his head. “I think I should give up.”

You didn’t know what to say.

He took a deep breath and straightened. “Ah, my bad. I went on for nothing.” Bowing slightly, backing away. “I have a lot on my mind. I didn’t expect to run into you and now I’ve run my mouth like a madman.”

“Jungkook.”

His name came out of your mouth before you registered it. He stopped moving, looking back at you, halfway between pulling up his face mask. You struggled to find the words, clutching your unexpected purchases and your racing heart, his first present to you against your ribs.

“Don’t give up.”

You made sure not to break eye contact.

“It’s not like you to give up, you know. It’s my… my favorite thing about you.”

He seemed stunned.

“R… Really?”

You couldn’t help but smile. Nervously albeit fiercely determined.

“One of many.” You relaxed a bit, relieved that you were able to say so. You laughed a little at the absurdity of it all. “Although perhaps we need to stop doing these kinds of things in public.”

Jungkook jumped, seemingly realizing all the people around too. “Ah… Whoops.”

You bowed as you spoke. “Then, I’ll…”

The way he said your name, so soft and dreamlike, made you freeze mid-movement. He seemed flustered, stepping a little closer to you. It was the correct moment to pull back, replace some respective distance between you and him to keep a measure of strangers, and yet.

You let your eyes meet his under wisps of black hair sticking out of his beanie.

“Can we spend a little more time together? If it’s not too much trouble?”

It was. You had work tomorrow. You needed to get home and put away your things. Wash up. Do your nightly routine to unwind. Get back to being a responsible adult with responsibilities living a responsible life.

Your lips curved into a mischievous smile.

“Sure.”

-

“Where do you want to go?”

“Anywhere.”

You were standing by his motorbike now. His pride and joy, yet you knew it was rarely used in his day-to-day life. For the best, probably, considering the risk. You weren’t surprised to see it today though. He always rode when he felt frustrated or out of it. The walk here had been silent, which you had expected. Jungkook was the king of speaking without a plan. You didn’t mind it, though. It reminded you of good times.

He awkwardly shuffled, obviously realizing that himself now.

“Hey.”

“Uh?” he answered distractedly.

“Why did you ask me out back then?”

He fumbled with his hands a bit. “Ah, that’s…”

You tilted your head, patiently waiting.

“I…” He stuttered a bit. Cleared his throat again. “I just couldn’t help but look twice. I thought you were hot as hell.”

You almost snorted. “Don’t you encounter enough of that at work?” you chuckled.

He shook his head. “No, it’s more like… Um, even if they’re attractive, everyone knows it is pretty for a purpose. They’re all taking care of themselves. Looks are the selling point, after all.” He poked at his own chest. “Me too.” He raised his head to you. “But you’re different. You don’t have to think about how you look will reflect in a paycheck. You take care of yourself for yourself.”

You thought about it. It didn’t seem that extraordinary. “Well, anybody can do that.”

He smirked.

“If anybody could do it, why could I only see you?”

Heat rushed to your cheeks. You raised a hand to smack him and stopped short. Instead, you let your hand fall and half-rolled your eyes. “Ehhh, don’t try to pull that stuff on me.”

He laughed behind his hand. “Have to try.”

You frowned with feigned annoyance. Jungkook had always been taller than you, even in heels, assuming you weren’t opting for miniature stilts. Still, you always had the impression he was never looking down at you, but up, even when his eyes were downcast.

“Yeah, that.”

You narrowed your eyes. “What?”

“That look you’re giving me right now,” he chuckled sheepishly. “I knew you’d be able to balance me out and set me straight.”

You squinted at him. You let out a puff of air and looked away, tumbled into memories where maybe you could have been the one to change the course of these parallel lines. “Yeah, and look where that got us,” you muttered.

Sigh.

Somewhere behind you, a car honked loudly.

“Standing next to each other?” Jungkook quietly asked.

Two cars were having trouble at an intersection at the end of the row.

Standing next to each other.

Your gaze drifted back and locked with his. He didn’t try to hide the emotions his eyes. You were quite sure he could see through you too. The impasse remained, not because a bridge couldn’t be built, but because it couldn’t bear to be burned once more. Once more meant it would crumble to ash and disappear forever. You had thought it already had, until tonight.

You tried to reason with the unreasonable. “You cannot believe you skipping work and me deciding to spend a good chunk of my paycheck to mean some serendipitous shit, can you?” you scoffed.

He gave you that brilliant smile that had tamed you from the very beginning.

“You–”

You poked him hard in the chest.

“Ahh!”

Jungkook must not have expected that at all.

He almost fell over.

Your hand shot out and grabbed a fistful of his hoodie, dragging him back. His body lurched, slightly off balance, and your elbow swung forward, bracing onto his abs, leaving your faces close enough together for bystanders to get the wrong idea. For him to get the wrong idea. For you, too. You were close enough to count his eyelashes.

Enough time elapsed that you might as well have.

“What… What is with you?” you muttered, gripping his clothes. “You’re so… dramatic.”

He had another piercing on the side of his right lip now. Huh. How come you didn’t notice? Probably too busy being mad at him. Or not staring at his lips in fear of indecent thoughts. This current proximity and shared heat were not helping. His hands were somehow on your shoulders. Probably to steady himself. Or something else. You weren’t sure.

Jungkook stared at your lips.

You didn’t back away.

He leaned down and kissed you.

He must be an idiot to put you both in this position again. You must be an idiot too, because you kissed him back. Fuck it. Your hand on his chest relaxed, fingers spreading out, pressing your lips to his, breathing him in. He still used the same cologne you had complimented on back then. It made you smile into his lips. His tense hands on your shoulders fluttered, one slipping down to your upper arm, the other grazing your neck. His thumb brushing the side of your cheek. His other fingers weaving into your hair, tilting his head slightly. No promises, but.

A dream made.

You tapped his chest, forcing him to break the connection.

“W… What?” Jungkook gasped, his short breath mixing into yours.

“Not… Not here,” you chuckled, feeling your racing pulse in your throat. “I think we’ve done enough public reconciliation. Adding public indecency is not it. Someone is going to recognize you soon.”

Those shadowed eyes watching you were telling you he was ready to risk it.

“No,” you gritted, punching his chest lightly. Surprisingly, Jungkook did not budge and held on very strongly to your arm. “Stop that. Stop it with the sex eyes.”

He grinned. You could tell from the way his eyes crinkled. “Is it working?”

You pried yourself from him with some effort.

“All you’re telling me is that you really like handcuffs.”

“Promise?”

You straightened your clothes and answered absentmindedly. “Promise what?” You looked up to give him an indignant expression. He took your purchases to place them in the back of his motorcycle, giving you no verbal response.

Just a sneaky smirk in return.

-

“What did you think was gonna happen?”

“Uh…”

Before he could make another sound, you grabbed Jeon Jungkook by the collar and dragged him to you.

It was different.

Just not in the way you thought it would be.

Part of you thought to hold back. Build a solid foundation to see if this would work. Talk for a long while, move slow, step by recommended step. Then again, if you actually believed that, you would have instructed him to take you back to your apartment. Maybe send him off with a kiss and a pat on the head. You know. The complete opposite of shoving him up against his living room wall and tracing your tongue over his moaning lips with his hands gripping your waist. If this was going to work, it was always going to work. It didn’t matter if it was the wrong way or the right way.

This love was either going down in a blaze of glory or start an everlasting fire.

Might as well get on the ride.

You let him kiss down your neck, your hands sliding down to his. Interlocking fingers. Shivering at the sensation of his lips in your skin, familiar and new. Body-to-body. You pulled up his hands to force him to lose the top layers, including the beanie, exposing his toned chest and gleaming tattoos going from his right hand to his shoulder. His hoodie and t-shirt fell to the floor in a soft thump. His hair was different than when you had last seen him. Sides shaven, the top still long, messy black waves due to being crammed into the beanie. He flicked his head back, sending black strands all over his half-moon eyes, glistening pink lips parted in a soundless gasp.

You took his wrists and pinned Jungkook to the wall.

Panting, watching him under you despite looking upwards.

“W… What?” he breathed, locked in your transfixed stare.

It was different, yet it was the same. You could feel it. There could have been many others between the last time and right now. You knew there wasn’t. It was both sad and validating, because you knew how much he hated being alone, but now you knew there was truth to those promises he had said to you between sheets and pillows.

You leaned down and licked a wet, fat stripe over his chest, dripping saliva all over him.

Jungkook moaned, leaning his head against the wall.

“You belong to me,” you whispered over his heart. Raised your head and he was looking back at you.

Only you.

“I belong to you,” he whispered back.

You skimmed your lips over his skin.

“Prove it to me.”

He surrendered.

To your tongue, tracing patterns over his collarbones. To your lips, dotting kisses and making him flinch, whining for more. To your hands, holding him down and at your mercy, exploring him with sight, touch, and taste. You let go of one of his wrists to trail your nails over his abdomen, observing the way his body rippled, lifting towards you as sensitivity increased. You let your fingers wander, around his waist and into shaded territory, running your nails down his spine, watching his reaction. His head tilted back, hair in wisps around his temples, dark eyes clouded in lust.

Your name slipped from his lips.

You dug your nails into his lower back and pulled yourself up, unable to keep the side of your lips from curving upwards at his delicious whines.

“Take off my blouse.”

His fingertips slid across the slinky maroon fabric. Button by button, the fabric began to unravel in his hands, your forehead to his as he did so. You took his breath, tracing his muscles, murmuring his name just to feel him shiver as he heard it.

“I never had anyone else after you,” he mumbled, circling one of the buttons with his thumb. “I couldn’t.”

“You could have,” you hummed. “You were a free man.”

Jungkook undid the last button and stared into your eyes.

“No, I’m not.”

You half-smiled. “I wouldn’t take it personally.”

He leaned in again, brushing your lips with his.

“I belong to you.”

His touch, his kiss, the dance of mesmerizing senses. You stepped back. He followed. Tangled in each other, your blouse slipping off and dropping to the floor. Your bra unclasped, tumbling, his hands all over, places he had been a million times and desiring forevermore, squeezing your breasts with his hands, almost tripping over your skirt as you stepped out of it. His pants joined the trail of passion, and then his tongue was on you, lifting you in his arms and tasting your hard nipples with your hands in his hair, clutching his head for support with your legs around his waist.

“I’m going to fall,” you gasped, breathless.

“Over my dead body,” was the muffled answer with his face buried into your breasts. “Fuck, I love your ass.”

Perhaps to avoid death getting two for the price of one, Jungkook let you down, devouring you with kisses with your taste lingering on his lips, sinking his fingers into the soft curves. You curled your tongue against his, making him moan, hips grinding against hips, feeling his insistent hardness against your softness, trapping himself between your legs. You were still in your panties and he was still in his boxer briefs, although the thin fabrics were merely a nuisance to the inevitable.

“Jungkook…”

He was thrusting into you and jamming his cock in between your thighs, his strong arms wrapped around you and his teeth on your shoulder. You hummed, torn between telling him off and enjoying the feeling of his arousal swelling between your legs, but it was he who gasped and threw his head back, his hard length twitching against your clothed pussy.

“You ready to include me in this?” you questioned, amused.

“S-Sorry… Can’t help myself…”

Somehow, by instinct and minor effort, you were both in his bedroom now. The familiar bed you had once called yours, remembering the future dreamed upon those white sheets. Jungkook pulled you to them, calling you to the paradise that could only be created between two. Don’t, was your meek protest as he pulled down your panties and kneaded your thighs, shaking his head, I don’t care, and his tongue slid over your heat. Wet, dripping, your sweet taste and his saliva. He moaned between your legs, decorating you with kisses before sliding his tongue over you, drinking you desperately, you taste so fucking good, fuck, and your fingers buried into the sheets. He remembered everything you liked. Steady, soft licks, then harder when your legs tensed, tipping his head to bring his lips around your clit, drenching his chin with your wetness.

His hands turned and slipped under your legs, dragging you to his face by your ass.

“F-Fuck, Jungkook…”

You reached down and gripped his hair as you came on his face, his muffled gasp of surprise drowned out by the moan produced through your arched back and prolonged euphoria. Fuck. Fuck, it hadn’t been evident how much you missed this, no, him, your knuckles against the crown of his head, his hot tongue all over, his fingers locked onto your ass, even the way his nose brushed against your oversensitive clit as he thrust his tongue into your pussy, triggering another wave of pleasure, sparking electricity that burned through your veins.

His.

He pulled himself up with a groan, his mouth all over your body. Leaving bites, kisses, licks in his lustful wake. Your nails dug into his shoulder and he made that whimper you loved, obviously wanting more, and so you clawed his upper back as he pretended to resist you, refusing to move higher as he sucked on your nipples, gazing at you under half-lidded eyes, rubbing your other nipple between his fingers.

“Take it,” you growled under your breath.

He did, rubbing his hard, neglected cock against your thigh, denying himself longer.

Over time, you had hesitated to do such things. Jungkook had gotten in trouble before for being marked up. After all, his body was his selling point, and booking back-to-back shoots with poor choices in between ended up in humiliation. Unjustly so, perhaps, but you never did it again. Maybe you should have been more considerate this time too, but, no, that wasn’t what he was asking for.

He wanted the consequences of you.

He brought his face close to yours, your orgasm still on his breath.

“Mark me,” Jungkook demanded, his voice low and deep and gravelly. “I’m yours.”

So you did.

Hickeys on his perfect neck, sharp nails over his ass as you pushed down his underwear, adorning him with fierce, vicious passion that bruised him. He kissed your forehead, buried his fingers in your hair, and pinned you to him, pre-cum dripping onto your hip as he kicked off his restraints, pressing his hardness to you.

“You’ll get in trouble,” you warned even though the damage was already done.

“I don’t care,” he retorted, his thigh rubbing against your still-wet pussy. “I don’t care if I have to cancel the rest of the week. I don’t care if I never work in the modeling industry again. The only thing I care about is making sure you always know how much I love you.”

You froze, your lips above the inked floral mandala on his right shoulder.

“I should have made time.”

His arms drew up and encircled your head, his lips against the crown.

“I’m so, so sorry for not realizing how disrespectful I was to you. And I won’t do it again,” he murmured, leaving kisses intertwined with your hair. “I promise.”

“I…”

You reached up and held his shoulders, anchored despite the turbulence of an emotional sea.

“I missed being by your side, Jungkook.”

If his hard dick wasn’t literally throbbing against your hip, you might have cried.

You reached down and touched him.

“Ah!”

“Woah.” Your arm hooked around his waist as your hand enclosed around his girth. “I’m just making sure he’s keeping interest even during this emotional breakthrough.”

His cheeks flushed as he realized he had chosen his moment with possibly suboptimal timing. He didn’t have to worry. His body seemed to recognize your hand right away. You could feel the way his cock eagerly twitched on your palm. You cocked an eyebrow. He gave you a the-fuck-you-expect look, and you curled two fingers around his balls, lightly massaging with the pads of your fingers, simulating your tongue. He gasped, gripping your shoulders.

You leaned down and spit in your hand.

“F-Fuck!”

You backed up and slowly, leisurely, spread the slippery saliva all over his cock, letting him adjust his knees to give you a better positioning. Your other arm had moved behind you, lifting your torso up as you jacked him off. He seemed to not know what to do with his hands, foreign objects in his possession before his eye line drifted down. Down. His fingers trailed over your breasts, squeezing them and playing with your nipples as you increased the pace.

“Handcuffs could come in handy right now,” you commented.

He glared at you.

“S… Shut up.”

His cock had throbbed at the suggestion though.

You tilted your head, watching his breathing quicken as you applied the pressure where he liked it, the same pulse every time, not too fast and not too slow, building the frustration with a smile.

His face tensed.

Faster. A little tighter. Your thumb rubbed just under the base of the head with every ascent. He placed his palms against your hard nipples and you felt the familiar snap of his hips, leaning into your hand, his eyelashes fluttering, and for a brief moment you considered stopping.

Then again, these weren’t your sheets.

He gasped out your name and shot all over your stomach and thigh.

Hot, thick cum splattered onto your skin, making you suck in a breath as you felt it, saw it, smelled it, intense and strong and all over you. You were lucky it was on the thicker side, white streaks sticking to your body rather than running off. A painting of perverse proportions. Jungkook stared at his work, still semi-hard in your hand, clearly turned on by the sight. You sent him a questioning look.

“What now?”

Then he shocked you, and probably himself, by diving down and running his warm tongue over your cum-covered skin.

“Oh, what–”

Instant burning tingles spread throughout your nerves at the contact, vibrating through to your core, dripping as you witnessed the milky white coat his tongue. Your hand touched his shoulder, drawing him up, and he was tamed by your gesture, rising, his lips smeared with his release, and you drew closer to the heavy scent, to him. Lips to lips. Drank it from his mouth, swallowing the mixture of saliva and orgasm. Your tongue tangled in his, his fingers in between your legs again, thrusting two fingers into you, following the pull you had on him. Deep, slow, faster as the kiss grew more intense, breath to consumed breath, rolling your hips up into his hand, tightening around him, and Jungkook moaned, getting harder in your hand as your slick arousal drenched his.

“Condom?”

They spilled over the bed in his haste.

You were pleased to see it was the same brand you usually enjoyed. There wasn’t much to be read into that, though, because they had become his favorite as well per your introduction. You wondered if there would be a second first-time awkwardness and you were immediately proven wrong from the desperate and experienced way Jungkook dragged your ass to line up his dick. There was no time to be anxious, it seemed.

“You’ve acting like you’ve never had me before,” you teased.

Those dark eyes narrowed. “Don’t act like you don’t have the tightest, most perfect pussy I’ve ever been in.”

You half-shrugged. “Things could change.”

He slid in and clenched his jaw.

“You liar.”

You smirked and closed in around his length.

“F-Fuuuuuuuck me…”

You could have probably kept it up if it wasn’t for how fucking good he felt inside you. Just the right girth, and he lifted your legs, deeper, gasping, reaching the depth you liked. Your thighs against his chest. You locked eyes. Jungkook cocked an eyebrow with a familiar smirk. The corner of your lips ticked upward, and the rough, powerful pace began, your hand gripping his tattooed forearm and the other the sheets, losing yourself to the pleasure, pressed between the mattress and his hard body. His eyes closed, your lashes fluttering, witnessing glimpses of bliss, whispers of sweet nonsense lost between moans, leaning your head back onto his pillows, sinking into his scent.

Belonging to him.

His hair flicked sweat onto your chest. Your hand on the bed bent back and shoved the pillows down, using the leverage to lift your hips to his thrust, moaning at the visceral sound of slapping hips, wet and loud and vibrating throughout the room.

“You’re so fucking beautiful,” he panted out between gasps. “Fuck, you’re so fucking beautiful.”

You tried to deliver a compliment back but it was getting harder and harder to breathe. Your orgasm abruptly interrupted any coherent though, forcing you to bury your head back and endure the vice-grip of wanton delirium, barely able to gasp out his name as the hot wave dragged you under, your inner walls viciously pulsing all around his length. You heard Jungkook groan and attempt to say something, probably how much he enjoyed feeling your orgasm, he had done so before, however he seemed to be in his own dilemma as well, clenching his jaw and snapping his head down, the muscles of his chest taut and tense, and, in your intoxicated haze, you realized he was attempting not to follow, but.

“Fuck!”

He slammed his cock into you and cursed, throwing his head back as you felt the jerk of his cock spilling into the condom, trapped in your tightness, dragged into the kind of fever that couldn’t be sweat out, sinking down, down.

You stilled, suspended in bliss.

It was a little easier to breathe now. You missed this. Him, specifically. The sex you had together, carnal and intense and unparalleled. Closed your eyes, breathing hard, feeling the familiarity of Jungkook on top of you, spent, sweaty, frantic for round two. He didn’t like stopping if he could help it. It was one of his best traits. You felt him lower your legs carefully, backing out of you with a hiss.

Then you heard a wet, dirty sound.

You opened one eye.

He was staring at your body.

Running his fingers over his still-hard cock, bringing it back to full hardness.

“Let me look at you.”

You hummed. “You’re only seeing one side.”

His dark eyes shifted up to yours.

“Okay. Turn over.”

Desire turned his voice deeper, huskier.

With a sly smile, you rolled over, and scooted onto your knees, spreading your ass for him. You heard him suck in a breath, that’s so fucking sexy, and you flexed, letting him watch, entrancing him with the visual and the obvious sound of your wetness.

“Every part of you is perfect.” You could hear him jacking himself off, hard and fast. “Fucking perfect.”

“I feel that your judgement is clouded right now,” you answered back, muffled by his pillows in your face.

You heard the ripping sound and then a groan as he rolled down the condom. Then his strong hands grabbed your hips, prompting you to let go, and he sank into you.

“Fuck no, it’s not,” he gasped, picking you up by the hips to fully sheath himself. You managed to pull a pillow to your chest to allow ample breathing room. “I don’t want anyone else. No one else can satisfy me.”

You made your pussy tighten around him and he moaned again, his hot breath washing down your spine.

“Then let me satisfy you,” you purred, leaning back into him.

Your ass met his crotch in a loud, gratifying smack, easily locking into a rhythm you both enjoyed. Hard, aggressive, powerful, not holding back, you lifting a hand to extend back, and he caught your forearm, thrusting deeply as he held onto you. All of his power was directed below, the grip on your arm simply a symbol of possession, forcing you to lift your head and arch your back, adjusting to that more fruitful angle, sending heat all throughout your blood and nerves, the tension building, louder, harder, more.

He let you go, and you bucked back against him.

Moaned your name, delicious and desperate, begging you.

It was hard to count your orgasms. They seemed to blend into one another, entangled with the passion and the beat, not wanting to stop even as you struggled to breathe, clutching the pillow so hard that you could still feel your nails digging into your palm. The lust searing and yet not enough, chasing more, wanting more, wanting him, only him, your only, the one that belonged to you.

Your head tipped back, seeing only fragments of your surroundings, your hair a mess over your face.

“Jungkook, I love you,” you gasped.

You felt his hips flinch and he moaned your name, long and drawn-out, his hard cock jolting inside you, gripping your hips so tightly you probably had imprints of his fingertips. There was a flurry of expletives and panting. The haze of inexplicable euphoria settling, unavoidable and desired. You closed your eyes, savoring his release, feeling the radiating vibrations of his high pour into you as he slid down, his hot hands over your back, his shuddering exhales warming your shoulder blades.

Sweat, in small shivering droplets, sprinkled onto your skin.

“I love you too.”

He pressed his fingertips into your rising and falling body, touching you all over, confessing to your racing heart beneath his lips.

“I love you so fucking much.”

-

“Are you sure about this?”

“Yeah, totally.”

You turned your head to see Jungkook staring at your tits. You tucked a knuckle under his chin and forced it up. He gave you the big-peepers-in-headlights look.

“Huh?”

“Are you sure about this?” you repeated once more.

He gave you a confused look. “Yeah. I thought we talked about it?”

You raised an eyebrow. “Pardon me, but I’m not sure how much I can trust a discussion we were having with you balls deep inside me.”

“Eh?” His lower lip upturned. “Why not?”

You rubbed your temple with two fingers. “Why not, hah…”

“I meant it.”

You pulled one of his pillows over your naked chest so he could focus. You weren’t even sure why he had these. Jungkook slept on one of those stiff cylindrical pillows that was supposedly more comfortable. You weren’t too sure about how good that was for his neck, but sometimes you just have to accept the strangeness of your significant other. He must have kept these for the look of a nicely made bed. Or for moments like this. His eyes went back to your face again, reluctantly. He seemed a little disappointed.

“You don’t think I meant it?”

You saw his eyes were drifting to your thighs now. “It’s not really that…” You considered it. “It’s more… Well, we’ve tried already, you know. Aren’t you afraid it’ll happen again?”

His gaze shifted. You waited, letting him collect his thoughts.

“Afraid?” You saw him reflect the past and the mistakes. “Yeah. Yeah, I guess I am. I’m definitely going to change from how I was before. I can see how my work-life balance was shit, as both a friend and boyfriend. I don’t want to go back to that either,” Jungkook mumbled, rubbing the back of his neck. “I get it now. I can’t get time back. I was stupid, thinking me overworking myself wouldn’t drive you away, you know, we would have so much more time later… I went about it the worst way. I didn’t even discuss it with you. That was just me being selfish, and that selfishness made me insecure… I don’t want that anymore. I promise you that.” He shook his head and looked up at you guiltily. “Still… I can’t promise I won’t fuck up in some other way. And that scares me. But I have to act, even if I’m scared. Even if your final answer is, let’s not see each other anymore, at least I will have honestly given you my all this time, because you are it for me.”

You shook your head too. “There could be someone out there for you that is a lot more suitable than me. The world is the big place.”

He frowned, exasperated. “No. No, you don’t get it.” He placed a hand on your knee and looked into your eyes. “You are it for me. The world is big place, but my world is right here.” He poked you and you laughed, startled at the suddenness. A smile burst onto his face, holding your knee down, trying to drive his point home over your mirth. “Hey! Hey. I really meant it. All of it.”

You stopped laughing.

Somehow one of your hands was covering his now, feeling his warmth and hard knuckles in your palm.

“I belong to you,” Jungkook repeated, his own I love you. “I can’t love anyone else like how I love you. I don’t care if you believe me or not. Even if you leave me, sure, I might find someone to not be lonely with, but I will only belong to you.”

You held onto his hand, curling your fingers into his palm. “You…” This man was crazy, saying things like this. He affectionately squeezed your knee, flashing that killer smile of his.

“So… Yeah, I’m sure.”

He pulled his hand from under yours and touched your cheek, his knuckles against your skin.

“I’ll go along with whatever you choose.”

Truth was, you had already chosen.

“I’ll do my best too,” you murmured quietly, holding the pillow tightly. “I won’t let myself be complacent anymore.”

From the look in his eyes, you saw that Jungkook recognized that it had become an unintentional consequence of his actions. He smiled, still stroking your cheek.

“Yeah. Let’s be a team this time.”

You nodded, smiling back.

An extended silence of staring into each other’s eyes.

“Jungkook.”

“Hm?”

“Are you just imagining rubbing your dick on my cheek?”

His rough fingertips grazed over your jaw. “Yeah,” he replied dreamily.

You smacked his hand.

“Ow!”

“Pay attention!”

“W-Wha, what?” He pouted. “What am I supposed to do!”

You grimaced, feigning annoyance but also not really. This guy. “No wonder we could only have serious talks in public or incarcerated…” you muttered.

“Ah, yeah, that reminds me.”

You raised an eyebrow at him as he twisted around and reached over to his phone, watching the ripple of his back muscles as he moved. Damn. This guy. He bounced back, messing about on the screen. You were too busy admiring the definition of his arms to notice, until.

“What kind of handcuffs should we buy?” Jungkook chirped, turning his phone to showing you the screen display of a sex goods webstore.

You blinked at him.

“What.”

And thus begun round two.

-

epilogue

“Hey- oh, wow.”

You stilled, surprised.

‘Oh, I thought you were going to meet me there?”

In your hand was your well-loved small black purse with a bow. Your other hand held the door open, seeing the tall form of Jeon Jungkook gawking at you in his matching denim jacket and jeans. Calvin Klein, the same brand as his white t-shirt under the jacket. That same brand was holding a lunch event today, except one of their attendees was blocking your path, open-mouthed at your hips wrapped in a tight, pink gingham miniskirt with embroidered red strawberries. Then his stare went to your chest, to the emerald-green satin blouse that complimented the little green accents of the mini strawberries, although you suspected his interest was less in the color and more in the way the seams accentuated the curve of your breasts.

You raised your eyebrows.

“I… I left early. I wanted to pick you up,” he was saying absentmindedly.

You gestured to the black car waiting at the front. “I already ordered a car, though. I can’t ride with you on your bike in this skirt.”

“We can get in the car.” Jungkook’s eyes went back down. You knew he wasn’t admiring the delicate crisscross straps of your black velvet pumps. “Damn, your legs,” he mumbled.

The driver of the car was about to watch a live-action porno if you didn’t take action. You set the alarm and lock before stepping out. Immediately, Jungkook’s hand raised, as did his gaze. You looked from the tattooed hand to his face. He grinned, creating sparkles in his big dark brown eyes.

“I ran off, hehe. I just wanted to personally accompany my darling,” he admitted. “Hopefully no one noticed.”

You fitted your hand in his, letting him lead you. “You’re too handsome not to notice. What a troublemaker,” you joked, pleased at his rebellion.

“Your troublemaker now. Where are we eating?”

“There’s a French themed café near some shops. After, could we stop by the tea shop? My dad has a request I need to fulfill.”

“Ooo, I love adventures with my future wife.”

You gave him a curious smirk. His mischievous grin just kept getting bigger, that underlip mole suddenly visible like a secret wink. He had been dropping such hints lately. You pretended to gloss over it even though the discussion of dream rings had already happened months ago. You reached out to open the car door and Jungkook impatiently nudged your hand away, doing it for you so you could enter easily in your heels. It was a very nice thing to do.

Taehyung probably grilled such behaviors into him. Not that you were complaining, of course.

You confirmed the destination with the driver as Jungkook got in the car from the other side, taking care to hook his sunglasses on the front of his shirt. You heard his phone vibrate. You turned your head to see him snickering at it.

“Taehyungie’s mad that I left him alone.”

“Whoops.” You did feel a little bad.

He waved a hand, tongue in cheek. “He’ll get over it.”

Your eyes met.

He had such beautiful, expressive eyes that held the stars every time he saw you.

“You sure?” you asked quietly.

Jungkook reached over and stroked your cheek with a smile.

“I’m sure I want to eat lunch with my future wife, yup. Then I’ll buy tea for her dad so I can get on his good side.”

You laughed. “Sounds like a sweet master plan.”

His black hair loosely styled over his forehead made him look younger. You knew better. Perhaps grown was not the word for it, but you could tell he was becoming more and more of the man he wanted to be every day. Attending events with Jungkook was different these days; he checked on you throughout the night, actively included you in conversations, and even introduced you to people he thought you might enjoy talking to, now to the point that familiar faces would come up to you first before they recognized him. But what was more important was this – arranging quality time to spend together, more communication, and obvious commitment. The pleasant surprise not being flowers or sweets or other material things, and instead his presence earlier than expected.

His laugh at night.

His forehead kiss in the morning, even if you were half-awake in bed.

His silly photos of fogging up a makeup artist’s mirror with his breath and drawing a heart with your name inside it.

He still had a hectic schedule, but now you and him knew when enough was enough. You could finally talk about it before either of you became too stressed out or lonely by it. That improvement was worth that entire roller coaster to get here.

You smiled.

He smiled back, his knee touching yours.

He was still stroking your cheek.

“Jungkook.”

“Hm?”

“What are you thinking right now?”

He didn’t respond right away. He just adjusted his legs suspiciously and gave you his most innocent look that indicated he was most certainly guilty.

“Eh?”

You took him by the wrist and slowly lowered it before the driver could notice your partner-in-crime’s suspicious behavior. He pouted at you. The tent in his pants twitched. You cocked an eyebrow. Then you remembered something.

“Oh, by the way.”

He perked up. “What is it?”

You unzipped your purse a little bit and flashed the edge of shiny silver metal and chain.

“I borrowed something from a friend.”

Jungkook looked down.

Odd that it took him more than a moment to recognize handcuffs, considering that he – and you – had so much prior experience with them. His eyes went wide once it clicked. His cheeks flushed red. You smirked and rezipped your bag.

“What the fu–”

fin.

-

i hear... | ... the whispers... | ... in your eyes.

inspired by taylor swift's imgonnagetyouback :)

--

masterpost

[skywalkr-nberrie]

Girlboss Padmé stans saying that her dying out of sadness over losing Anakin is “out of character” (when it’s actually not.) because she would want to live for her twins, as she’s always desired to have her own children one day? They missed the huge part of her character that said she desired to have a “family” specifically, which included her husband. She wanted to settle down with someone she loved and have children with THEM. Nobody could ever impress Padmé enough to stir her away from duty until Anakin came into her life. Padmé finally found that one person whom she could have all she desired with and that was Anakin. She could have her kids, her husband, her very much desired family, they all are mentioning.

She loved Anakin way more than her duty, and this is the part they purposely ignore. Which is why her ending doesn’t add up to any of them. Willfully ignoring her character and behave as a hypocrite when they say they “understand her.” Yes, duty was important to Padmé, but she always wanted to step away from that to enjoy her life, which she was so close to having. And blaming her for dying out of an unendurable heartbreak is cruel.

Constantly bringing up the deleted ROTS concept of Padmé going to Mustafar to end Anakin, and claiming that ending would be “better” for her proves you’re only projecting your own ideals into her character and not truly loving and appreciating her as she is. Funnily enough, the knife concept is widely misinterpreted by these fans as well. They see it as the colder and more detached version of Padmé’s character, but that’s a huge misconception 🤷🏾‍♀️ in the OG concept, Padmé only went there with the intention to end Anakin’s life because she loves him so much, then inevitably isn’t able to actually kill him because of the amount of love she had for him.

And I’ll be the first to say that had anyone else been reported to be seen killing younglings and other Jedi, it would be in character for Padmé to bring this issue in front of the senate and bring the culprit to justice. However, it was never going to be the same when it came to Anakin, and that’s the pill these girlboss stans can’t swallow. They can’t handle that Anakin was more precious to Padmé than duty.

Fact is that Padmé would choose him over and over again if the opportunity presented itself. Of course, she wouldn’t have joined him when he asked to rule the galaxy with him (in the same way Luke doesn’t when Vader asks his son the same question. And somehow people are still able to comprehend that Luke still loves and believes in his father, despite refusing to join him, but don’t apply this same logic for Padmé?) nor would she justify his actions, she’d be severely against them 100%. She’d even in her own way take up actions against the Empire, and go up against anything Anakin was being put up too. (Like working with the Rebellion, and taking Anakin away from the chaos.) But she’d never lose faith in his goodness, nor would she ever abandon him. (like many insist she should’ve, or choose to turn him in to the authorities.)

It’s 100% in her character to put Anakin as her top priority. Her first and main allegiance and devotion is to him (she even says so in ROTS junior novel that she couldn’t betray Anakin, despite being told what he’s done.) her loyalties was from day 1 with Anakin, more than anything. And why is that? It’s because Padmé not only loves Anakin, but she knows him. In fact, It’s because she knows him, that she loves him so deeply. She can understand and sympathize with him, she knows he’s a good person at his core, and would never hurt anyone out of malice or aim for power. If he’s committing atrocities? Padmé would know he’s doing it out of a desperate act of love, which is something Padmé can relate to and understand.

And if you ask me, talking as if Padmé chose to die, is completely unfair, and shows no compassion nor sympathy for her character. Even if she did, holding that against her is also inconsiderate. No, this poor woman couldn’t handle the loss of her husband, whom she loved so much, and mourning the loss of the family they’d have together. It was too much, that she lost heart and succumbed to death. She couldn’t handle it! That in no ways makes Padmé a “bad person” nor does it make her a “bad mother.”

All in all? Padmé loved Luke and Leia so much, and she wanted nothing more than to be with them. Don’t try and downplay that because she lost the will to live. She spent the last bit of strength she had left to bring them into the world, see her babies with her own eyes, and give them a name herself. You can see in her eyes how much she loved them, and how badly she wanted to be with them. But her heart couldn’t take much more. It’s truly tragic. Her whole life was in service of others, and she couldn’t even have one thing to herself. Now she can’t even die in peace thanks to some of these fans 💀

[jacarandaaaas]

What you hate about each Encanto character and what you love about each Encanto character?

oh this is such a fun ask! a hard question as I love all the madrigals and the fact they’re so flawed makes them more fun to follow!

alma: i love her commitment, how she vowed to protect all these people even sacrificing her own needs to provide for others, how she promised these people a place of refudge and was always there to provide.

dislike: An obvious one here but I dislike how controlling alma can be, how her need for perfection can blind her and lead her to disregarding her own families feelings as well as her own! Her generally dismissing a lot of the problems of her family like telling pepa to control her emotions or not realizing how hurtful her comments are to mirabel.

pepa: i love how emotional she is! when pepa loves she loves with her entire heart she pours her all into every interaction and she wears her heart on her sleeve! she’s so compassionate! pepa truly is an open book and I love her for it!

dislike: i would probably say how she can get irrational very quickly and cause situations to elevate fast! Although I really can’t blame her for this based on the circumstances!

julieta: i always describe julieta as warm and i feel like no other word can capture her comforting nature and gentleness. I just love her warmth and her soothing energy!

dislike: I would say how she tends to coddle mirabel a lot. I know it comes from a place of love but you can see it doesn’t help mirabel and only makes her feel more insecure because julieta doesn’t understand her.

bruno: for bruno I would say I love how selfless he is. It’s a big thing to sacrifice your own sanity like that for someone else and it’s touching how much he truly cares about mirabel to want to protect her like that.

dislike: i would have to say how he’s timid a lot of the time. It’s sad to see him become so resigned and almost accept his fate and stay in the walls possibly forever. He had no fight left in him.

felix: I adore how felix is just the epitome of life of the party! he’s so uplifting and I love how he never gives out to pepa for her emotions. He’s the best at cheering people up and a sunshine in everyone’s lives!

dislike: about felix? that’s hard to say I feel like we don’t see enough of him for me to really base my answer on anything so I’m just gonna say how he told pepa about the vision at dinner😭 dude that was the worst idea!!

agustín: i love how supportive he is! He continuously supports julieta he runs after luisa when she’s upset and he promises mirabel he would hide the vision to protect her! the fact both he and julieta tried to go after her when she ran for the candle too! He also fiercely stands up for mirabel in such an iconic way and he doesn’t back down!

dislike: I would have to say how he can often hammer in the fact he is also unexceptional to try relate to mirabel but it makes the situation worse.

isabela: I love how loyal isa is. She was doing everything for the sake of the family and was willing to sign her entire life away just to keep them happy. Her loyalty knows no limits and I just feel it’s such a defining trait for her.

dislike: probably how smug she can be at times a key example being the apologize scene! it is funny but it’s also infuriating how smug she was making mirabel apologize for something she didn’t even do. Also how she tells mirabel to shut up and her general rude remarks to her!

dolores: for dolores I would say I love how attentive she is! small scene but how she immediately notices alma needs help and goes to offer her support! She notices the small details even without her super hearing! Like how she points out how mariano talks loud even though she hears everyone’s voice his always stuck out to her <3

dislike: probably how she blurts stuff out without thinking it through! like we know she was trying to be helpful when she told the kids mirabel doesn’t have a gift but she didn’t consider how mirabel would feel about that.

luisa: I love how kind luisa is! she was always willing to lend a hand to the people who need her even when they absolutely could deal with a lot of issues themselves! She’s also very sensitive and soft and I love when she allows herself to be vulnerable!

dislike: this might be unexpected but for dislike i would have to say how she kept ignoring mirabel when she wanted to talk. I understand she was stressed and mirabels being irritating but she could atleast look at her, mirabels already ignored a lot already and all she wanted was to talk to her sister about an issue.

camilo: like how mirabel says in the opening song I love how camilo won’t stop until he makes people smile! whether it be through his humor or his compassion I get the impression he would always be there for people. the scene where he comforts pepa is such a key example of this!

dislike: he can be a bit too blunt at times where it’s definitely not called for! he also has a tendency to exaggerate the truth for dramatic effect!

mirabel: have always said this and always will mirabels core trait is her empathy! Her ability to see others perspectives and empathize with them is so important! I always think of the “I need you” scene as a key example of this. She put aside her own feelings and focused on supporting antonio making sure he’s ok! how when she learns of the other madrigals struggles she tries her best to help them or comfort them! empathy is such a strong defining trait for her!

dislike: when it comes to mirabels negative traits I would have to say her stubbornness is the most prominent. the entire scene in isabelas room is proof of this she would have rathered let that house collapse than apologize or even listen to isabelas struggles the fact she was supportive and empathic to everyone’s issues but isas (at first) she was too stubborn to put aside her issues with isa! but also her recklessness and impulsiveness tie into this as well.

antonio: I love everything about him he’s so sweet and caring and I love how he returns the support mirabel gave to him! he always believed in her and was her biggest supporter and best friend! also how offered his plushie to comfort bruno when he was nervous! antonio is just such a caring kid!

dislike: nothing literally nothing how can u dislike this baby?

[disco-troy]

I realize that this was initially retconned in the new 52, but I just assumed that now that we are out of the new 52 the ntt backrounds would be canon again for Kory… instead I have to sit into 3 pages that completely invalidate some of Korys core themes for what?!? Why can’t we be free of Lodells retcons!?!?

WHAT R U DOING?!? Kory and Koms relationship is interesting because inherently doomed to happen, created by factors beyond their control. Kom, born hated, was pushed into being the Tamaranian equivalent of “child that was not embraced by the village grows up to want to burn it down”. Kory, born heir apparent, takes Koms throne. How are you supposed to come to terms with being hated by your parents and your people as a young child?!? She takes it out on Kory as she seems the only acceptable target but it only makes her only more hated by her own sister. It was an inevitable self propagating cycle… Making them always co-rulers changes the entire narrative!!

They created sibling rivalries do you even care?!!?!??

The tragedy of they being they only two who can understand what each other went through but they will never be able to at the same time.

Kom being the only character who on panel tells Kory what she needs to hear - that Korys parents pretend to sacrifice when it’s Kory who is being sacrificed! All they have done in exchange for her undying loyalty was sell her to slavery and then exchange her for a political marriage - both arguably having other solutions that would have only required more bravery or political sacrifice (said by character explicitly on panel!)

Kom - older and more experienced is the only one who can recognize just how much their parents fucked them up. But Kory can’t because her parents being correct is the only way she can justify the years she spend in slavery. To bring the cycle full circle Kom becomes Korys only acceptable target

Kom couldn’t blame her parents. Kory still can’t. Myand’r and Luand’r lurk large in the life of their childen…

The parents who… are dead?!?

You are going to take the Fucked Up Parents away from girl in the Fucked Up Parents team?!? DO YOU EVEN CARE??

You don’t need to kill Korys parents to have things in common with Dick? You can parallel their needs to do their duty for their parents sometimes against their own well-being!! You want to talk more parellels? Korys backstory is packed with parellels to the other titans!

What happends to both Kory and Joey having parents who hurt them, and instead of ever apologizing always double down on how hurting them is the only and best option?? What happens to Korys seeing herself when Raven exchanging herself so trigon will leave earth alone!?

GIVE HER HER PARALLELS BACK HER THEMES!!!

[thecorvidcurio-if]

For as long as you can remember, no one you've loved has ever lasted very long.

The moment you come to love someone, no matter the type of love, tragedy befalls you both. In a desperate attempt to escape this cycle you've been moving from place to place, uprooting any time you start getting too close. This new city shouldn't be any different. It wouldn't be any different, if not for your new neighbours.

The more time you spend around these bizarre people, the more obvious it becomes that there's a layer of reality you've previously been unaware of. As you discover more of what was previously hidden from you, though, it begs the question:

Is there something more to your tragic circumstances than an unfortunate run of bad luck? Could it be the result of some power you don't understand? If so, does that mean there's a way out of it?

Does that mean there's someone to blame for your suffering?

Or click here if the image link doesn't work.

PLEASE NOTE: This game is in very early development. Only the first two chapters are posted, the writing will be continuously revised as I write, and there may be bugs or glitches. If you run into any issues, please let me know.

Cursed Ambrosia is an interactive fiction novel that deals with topics of death, loss, and love. It's a supernatural fantasy with a focus on interpersonal connections. There are six relationship routes, two women, two men, and two non-binary options. All romance options will have a platonic route as well. More info on them under the cut.

Note: Though these characters are romanceable, you do not need to romance them to play out their routes. On the platonic route, you still get the same plot content, just minus the romantic bits.

Vicente - An exceedingly polite and seemingly put together man who values kindness and compassion, but struggles to accept those things himself. He's keen to look after others and encourage them to accept help, yet insists on handling his own troubles alone.

Abby - An overwhelmingly enthusiastic and eccentric "person" who values curiosity and freedom, but struggles with moderation. He has more energy than he or anyone else knows what to do with. He's got a talent for mischief and is incapable of going very long without causing trouble, intentionally or not.

Kaida - A bitterly jaded and taciturn fellow who values knowledge and secrecy, but struggles to trust others. He's always many steps ahead of everyone else, and always knows more than he lets on. He's someone very useful to know... Or, he would be, if anyone could get a straight answer from him about anything.

Marina - An unapologetically loud and rambunctious woman who values rebellion and individuality, but struggles to let her guard down. She's brilliant, but easily bored. If you tell her she can't or shouldn't do something, it's just about guaranteed she'll be doing that thing in the near future.

Thea - A theatrically elegant and captivating woman who values loyalty and honesty above all else. On the job she's glamorous and confident, captivating any who hear her hypnotic voice. Off the job, though, she's something much different, and hopes to find someone who can appreciate both sides of her.

Shiloh - A cripplingly shy and skittish entity of uncertain origin who values privacy and comfort, but struggles to leave the safety of what it knows. Shiloh enjoys observing others interacting, and lives vicariously through witnessing the connections other people form with each other. It is quite sure that it will never manage to make such connections itself.

[firecrackerhh]

I swear to God dude people only like Stella purely out of spite for Stolas and nothing else, at least someone is well aware she isn’t a good fucking person instead of some people who are just fucking delusional enough to think she’s actually a good fucking person.

Like I don’t know why so many Stella defenders are legit delusional enough to think “no she’s a good person guys Viv just can’t write good female characters!!!” Like ok my dude, hope you’re having a good time in fucking la la land.

…

Look, no one, and I mean, no one. Deserves the fucking wrath of Kiwifarm users. Those people are full on fucking stalkers and creeps who get some sick thrill out of talking shit about people who at best are cringe and at worst, even if they certainly aren’t good people themselves, stalking them and harassing them to the extent those people do doesn’t actually do Jack fucking shit and constantly talking shit about others is just as sad and pathetic as the people they talk shit about.

But! Same with 4Chan, if you seriously go to those places for info on hazbin, or vivziepop, or anyone fucking else, of fucking course you are going to find the scummiest fucking people! Maybe, just maybe, if you actually wanted decent information on the various bullshit that Viv is constantly getting herself involved in, you don’t go to a place known for cyberstalkings harassment, racism and transphobia? Just a fucking thought?

Like I’m not gonna say I’ve never gone to Kiwifarms before out of pure curiosity but I sure af never actually interacted with those fucking basement dwelling fucks, cuz I actually respect my fucking mental health, they make threads on their own users! They have no loyalty to each other! Why tf would they be nice to you when you obviously have mental weaknesses they have no care if they exploit?

You for all intents and purposes went to a site run by fucking psychopaths and your first fucking thought after the whole debacle is “This fandom is terrible, this is totally Viv’s fault somehow?!” Bitch do you think they like her either? I’ve been on the vivziepop thread out of burning curiosity, trust me, they don’t! They don’t fucking like anyone! I don’t think those people like themselves dude! That’s why they talk shit about other people! Because they so desperately want to feel better about their own shitty meaningless lives!

Like I’m sorry this whole thing is giving me “I blame vivziepop for literally everything wrong in my life ever, nothing is ever my own fucking fault!” Vibes. I bet every morning when they wake up their first thought is some kind of “I’m glad vivziepop didn’t kill me in my sleep!” Or some wack shit like that, Viv is this bitch’s boogeyman I swear to God.

I get that they clearly didn’t understand as a dumb kid the extent of Kiwifarm’s shittiness, I get that, but with how chronically online this bitch is nowadays (chronically online is not merely an online-all-the-time thing, it’s a state of mind imo) I would think they would recognize that the people there are wretched, and that isn’t Viv’s fucking fault? And maybe they should’ve just given up on this fucking moral crusade the second it started actually affecting their mental health to the fucking extent it did? Like Jesus Christ what the fuck are they getting out of this beyond some masochistic fucking thrill? Because it’s beyond obvious all this bullshit amounted to nothing.

Like I’m sorry if that sounds extremely inappropriate to insinuate against somebody online but good fucking God what other reasons could there be for why this bitch is constantly going on about Viv even when it’s beyond fucking obvious their whining and obsessive compulsion does nothing but make their own life worse?

I’m sure some people who read my posts on the daily are probably thinking “Yknow, you could say that about yourself?” Yeah I know, that just means I know wtf I’m talking about LMAO!

At least I’m brutally honest that I enjoy getting pissed off (my life is so fucking boring y’all don’t understand) and it’s definitely better than feeling fucking nothing.

At least I actively fucking enjoy something in my shitty life, even if it is just a fucking cartoon, I’m convinced this bitch doesn’t actually like anything, all I ever see this bitch do is whine and complain.

[lilac-witch]

This is such a fun idea! I may do something similar when I reach 100 followers!

🌌 I’m bi, but lean towards men. If you have time to do one male and one female character that would be really cool!

- I’m not sure if you like astrology, but I’m an Aquarius Sun, Virgo rising, and Aries moon

- friendly, pretty patient too, but man oh man if you push my buttons I’ll fucking end you. I don’t really tolerate people being rude or inconsiderate. And I physically can’t stop myself from speaking up if I see someone being an ass.

- I enjoy my own quiet time, socializing can be draining for me, and I need time to recover. With that being said, I’m also the “friend group leader” so if there’s ever gonna be a party planned—I’m probably the one hosting

-books! Video games! Art! Writing! Hiking! These are the things that bring me joy and recharge me.

-I’ve got 4 best friends, I’d go to war for them. Of those 4 best friends, only one of them is straight.

-sometimes life gets hard, I’m not the type to share that on social media tho. I’m pretty private about family drama or traumatic life events.

-hate the cold, but live in Connecticut, and will likely never be able to leave lmaooo

-I don’t have any kids of my own (child birth is scary!), but I’m a step mom. I think I’m killing the whole coparenting thing. I’m very conscious of boundaries and keeping things peaceful for the sake of the child.

-always taking pictures cause I have a really terrible memory otherwise.

-adventurous and spontaneous, so long as I don’t think it’ll kill me or put me in jail, I’ll try anything once.

-NOT A MORNING PERSON. Night owl all the way.

I wish you all the best with writing and gaining followers!!😊

I’d pair you with Mor and Azriel.

As a fellow Aquarius, I can definitely understand the limits of your social battery, and I think Azriel would as well. He himself, with all the love he has for friends and family, gets tired and needs time to himself.

Mor on the other hand, would help you plan the party of a century. I think that bubbly, chaotic energy may even rub off on you and make you want to socialise longer, but I don’t think she’d blame you if you snuck away for some peace and quiet.

I can see both Mor and Azriel stepping up beside you to protect your friends. After all, they’ve both come from traumatic familial backgrounds, and loyalty to those they love is extremely important to them.

As far as timeliness goes, I feel like both Mor and Azriel are not morning birds, for two very different reasons. Mor loves to party, so late nights and even later mornings. Azriel because Rhys’ tasks for him are never ending. So there’s definitely a balance there.

I think it’s inspiring that you’ve adopted the role of step-mom, and I think both Mor and Azriel would agree. Mor, like you, has a fear of childbirth stemming from her own childhood in the Court of Nightmares, so I feel she would acclimate to that role with your guidance. As for Azriel, I just think he loves kids, whether they are his or not.

[jrueships]

anon who asked me to post some of the nba player sun+moon combos that make me feel different degrees of insane.. grah grawh. unprompted and unelaborated for now. will reblog with more later because there is always more

I AM NOT A PROFESSIONAL, idk if it's real or not & idc. it is fun & i like feeling like i am right abt things (i never am). leave me to my delusions please. im joking on these but also am i really

kyle lowry: ☀️ Aries, 🌙 virgo

what a bitch combo, people can't staaand you, huh! one moment you're having friends <3 you're having fun <3!! the next you're having a moment where you accidentally snap and regret everything but not fast enough for your friends and now all those friends of yours that made you so happy are gone and in the wind <3 with the only one left to blame being the only one left all alone : you <3 !!!

Ja Morant: ☀️ leo, 🌙 leo

do you even have your own personality at this point if we take away every outside influence youve tacked on to protect it or what. but hey, keep live, breathing, dying to the method acting, right 🥰 ?? cause when they hate you, it's not really hating YOU, huh? it's actually pretty genius !! ... i don't think YOU even know who's the real you at this point anyways, so no one will EVER hate the you you really are inside!! AND!!!!! they won't ever Love It either !

phenomenal acting ja! you're nothing without entertaining, as always 🥰 !! 🩵🩵

Anthony Edwards: ☀️ leo, 🌙 aquarius

'im not like OTHER girls'

* posts video of him being H*mophobic. *

Draymond Green: ☀️ pisces, 🌙 gemini

you could murder someone and still be the victim ( you have . )

JJJ: ☀️ virgo, 🌙 scorpio

the face of a man that would die if he couldn't throw in his stupid two cents into a fountain that specifically has a sign against throwing two cents in it .

Pg: ☀️ taurus, 🌙 leo

outside you're lovable until the wrong person (a person who actually DOESNT want to feed into the luxury of your own ego, WHAAAT😱😱?!??? NO FUCKIN WAY 🙀!!! ... AUTONOMY ⁉️⁉️) spends too much time with you for them to realize that you're actually a piece of immature shit. not even solid, liquid. the worst kind of asshole is an unpredictable asshole. because they can hurt the hardest and get hurt the hardest ( when it's least expected ). BUT YOU DONT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT THAT TOO MUCH if you actively distance everyonee who DONT automatically feed into your own delusions and only surround yourself with people that do or make you feel secure to the fact that theyll never ever call you out enough for you to actually acknowledge how much your shit stinks!! because you devoted too much loyalty to them for that to even HAPPPENN!!! it's a COMPLETELY HEALTHY and MUTUAL and TOTALLY NOT CODEPENDENT relationship ‼️ they compliment YOU, feed into YOU, you give them what they want, work for them for whatever they want, you provide enough where they feel too weak alone without it.... or at least not Whole thanks to you merging to their side like a parasite BUT A HELPFUL ONE!!!! .. so they have no choice BUT to excuse your gluttony and your selfishness and stubbornness because man!! you just work SO hard, huh :( !! scorpios just HAVE to understand because they work just like you!! virgos too!! and cancers just HAVE to feel bad because you've done SOOOO much for them ALREADY , haven't YOU ? what a good relationship . it's so . ' loyal . '

they can't leave you because that'll tear out too much of the life YOU gave them !! they can't LIVE without you (now)!! and you know that because you made SURE of that !!!!!!! because you ONLY EVER actually try whenever it's what You want. if others end up benefiting from it as well. sure. whatever. as long as it always adds to Your wants and Your demands, they can have their little cookies or struggles or whatever other people face that aren't you .

( i just Know it eats him up everyday that he can't include cancer zodiac dame into his little circle of Close Friends That Are Close Friends Because They Agree With Me. i just Know It. )

double the loyalty with double the selfishness too! but you make sure only to hang out with the people that you KNOW need that loyalty so they can value it while excusing the .. certain cons that come with it. hopefully excusing it to the point of pretending it doesn't even exist!! that would be GREAT 😁😁!! ... considering that's the entire reason you did all this work in the First Fucking Place .

you're such a HEROOO, and if you can't be that... at least you can be mentioned as the sidekick! eitherway, you're getting the limelight you always work yourself (more like others) to view you in! congrats pg ! you really EARNED it.

deserved can be up to debate .

but wait, no actually. because you never let anyone in too deep that ever Dares debate with you! so nevermind . wow . congrats .

Deebo: ☀️ Leo, 🌙 Libra

leave me alone right now (DO N O T leave me alone i will CRY ) i just need some time to myself (WHY ARE YOU LEAVING M E ALONE?????? with TIME !?!?? to MYSELF????? WHOSE PERSONALITY CAN I BASE MINE OFF OF WHEN I'M ALONE ?@???? my OWN??!?!?!???) please just leave me alone or i might say something i don't mean ( please don't leave me alone or i might do something i might not mean ) i don't want to look clingy ( but let's be honest..) don't make me regret ( please )

Kd: ☀️ libra 🌙taurus

Keldon: ☀️ libra 🌙 scorpio

oh i just KNOW that preservation lying is Prominent and Delusional

Lebron: ☀️ capricorn 🌙 aries

all the achievements you already have pale when it comes to chasing after the unattainable. Living and yearning like a Gatsby

[hbprophetie]

Hello. Nothing to do with Snape or HP this time, and I'm sorry to annoy anybody with my feelings right now so please if you don't care about hearing anything a bit personal (and I do not blame anyone for that!), then do not feel any shame in skipping this post! (It's nothing of real importance anyway and I'll continue to make HP related posts!)

(I might delate it latter. I'm not especially super fond of exposing my feelings but if anyone want to talk about it I'll be very happy to do so)

I have very bittersweets and a rather hurting feelings about something, and I thought that maybe it is an experience that has ever happened to someone, and that maybe that someone would know how to cope with it and give me advices. At least, I think it may make me some good to get it out of my chest, even if it's a bit shamefull to expose.

I have been leaving in Japan for about 10 months now because I studied the language in France and had the chance to be able to participate in a cultural exchange. I've been frequenting a University in a little city in countryside called Tenri, made a lot of encounters of peoples from all over the world, with different cultures and languages.

Now the date of my departure is nearing, and while I'm not sure if I'll move back to France or move in Tokyô to find employement, most of my new friends will go back to their own home countries and I will for sure not be going back to Tenri before a very long time.

I'm already very sad about the goodbyes I'll have to do in the next 2 months, knowing that some peoples I'll probably never see again and I shared such incredible experiences with them that I already know how leaving them will be difficult. At least, I know that those feelings will in some great extend be mutual, and that I'll not be alone to be sad to part ways.

But, my biggest apprehension is to say goodbye to the Japanese coworkers, with whom I have been working for a few month as a part time job outside of my studies. I have been working in a Japanese convenient store and while it has arguably been one of the most difficult and challenging experience of my stay in Japan (because of the intensity of the job itself but moreso because of the difficulties of language barrier, both when dealing with clients and my colleagues), it ended up being one of the (if not the) things that brought the more happiness and rewarding feelings in my daily life. This work provided me with a feeling of belonging and some sense of confidence in myself in a moment I felt very isolated and helpless. Now, I realise that in one or two month, it will be over for good. Because this experience was very intense, I developped very strong feelings of loyalty and attachement towards my colleagues, that I know I should rather not have developped. I understand very well that they are unilateral, and that this is very normal because while for me it's an extremely out-of-comfort-zone experience that makes everything unique, for them I'm most probably just another temporary part-time employee - who looks a bit limited and awkward because not being able to apprehend the language perfectly, at that.

Therefore, I feel a big sadness at the idea that the farewell will be very hurting for me but most naturally not for my collegues. Japanese peoples are very kind, but they have a very different way of thinking than wersterners especially when it comes to social relationship and they are very reserved about expressing feelings. Therefore, I don't know if I can tell them what I feel to any extend without causing them uneasiness and maybe incomprehension (because, maybe for them we are not that close - my strong affective response is caused by my own circumstances) - and this is only if I'm able to express my feelings in Japanese, which is one of the most difficult things to do in any other language than your own. I'm very sad about parting ways, that I'll not be bold enough to communicate my gratitude, that this experience may not have real closure and that they might forget about me a few weeks after my departure.

It's not the first time I have to say goodbye, I graduated from schools and said goodbye to close friends and coworkers before. But never to people who live in the other side of the world from where my hometown actually is. This is the first time I have such intense feelings towards it. And some of these feelings I never had before.

It will be alright in the end, but for now I'm affraid about missing opportunities and not having a chance to be honest and sincere.

Is there anyone who ever felt those things, or would have advices of how to deal with it, I wonder.

[bonesandthebees]

[“I think I hate her now,” he confessed. “I hate her because you’re so fucking loyal to her despite all the horrible shit you’ve gone through in her name.”] -Tommy. See this is a mood. I know plenty of people that I hate because they hurt someone I care about even id they never directly wronged me. It’s justified anger and it shows that he cares.

I do find it very interesting that Tommy is pinning all the blame onto Clara. He does it later in the chapter too. He makes the entire struggle about Wilbur’s loyalty to Clara and the damage being Clara’s vessel (the Pythia) has done to Wilbur. He’s ignoring a lot of the other factors. He’s completely skipping last Schlatt, even though that’s a big part of the reason why Wilbur doesn’t want to go back (with a clever placed reminder of what Schlatt’s like to really sell the deal). Tommy is also ignoring the people who enforce ‘Clara’s’ rules. (and I’m writing ‘Clara’ like that because I don’t trust humans ability to properly pass down rules from generation to generation and some of these rules are very obviously to control the oracle better).

Anyway, Tommy is ignoring the people and their actions to focus on hating the Goddess. Case in point: [“She took your name from you!” Tommy exclaimed, his eyes burning as brightly as the flames in the Pythia’s chest. “You got told that you were fucking empty inside! Don’t you see how messed up that is?”] Clara did none of those things, the previous Pythia did, as did the one before her. It’s a game of telephone that could have every easily gotten mixed up along that way. (Also, I’m not defending Clara per se, I’m just saying there’s room for human error and Tommy is ignoring some of the complexities to push his own agenda.)

And that hate of Clara in turn sets Wilbur of again (which shitting on Schlatt wouldn’t have done). [“I am empty!” He shouted, his voice echoing off the walls of his room. “I’m not a fucking person, Tommy, and I keep trying to tell you that but you won’t listen!”] I think it would have hurt less if you’d just shot me instead.

This is where shit gets heated, so I’ll need to split of into yet another ask. (and get my popcorn out, lol.)

(3/?)

-🌲

yeahhh while tommy knows that schlatt was shitty to wilbur, he's focusing most of his hatred to clara because he sees firsthand how badly damaged wilbur was by the institution of the pythia itself. like yeah, it sucked for wilbur that he was ignored, but in tommy's eyes the bigger issue is how dehumanized he was. and that wasn't schlatt's doing. that was 'clara's' doing.

organized religious worship is a human's perception of what a deity wants them to do. that's something I've kept in mind with all the religious worldbuilding for this fic.

but yes, tommy is directing his anger towards clara rather than the institution, which isn't exactly right. but considering tommy's been hunted down by a government because of his own religious beliefs in the name of clara, it's understandable why he's pinning a bit of a grudge to her.

I knew that line was going to hurt you guys hehe

[awideplace]

there’s this girl who made a huge mistake to me (she lure my boyfriend to cheat, *i saw proofs & all) *also i’m fully aware that cheating are two way street* anyway, this girl is a seminary student in our church, she’s a christian worker & then that happened. when i learned about that thing of course i was so angry to my boyfriend (and her) confronted him & broke up with him. i never talked to this girl even after she learned that i am fully aware to what she did. i’ll be lying if i’ll say i’m not expecting any apology from her, i mean that’s the least she can do. she apologized thru sending me a cup of coffee and very lame note saying “i’m sorry” & that’s it. she messaged me thru fb messenger also saying she wants to apology personally but during that time i wasn’t ready to face her and my schedules & priorities too are also different and also i’m not sure with what i wanted to tell her. i really don’t know. now, there this one event in our church that we finally came into one place again after the incident, in short, we saw each other again. she never looked at me. she never apologized. and there’s this anger inside me that i suddenly feel seeing her as if she didn’t mean her apology. i think i partially expected that she will apologize to me personally because what she did is really horible. but she acts as if it was nothing. our common friends asked her why she acts like that or atleast show a little remorse to what she did be, her answer makes me feel upset, she said “i’m already down, i know what i did, why would i let myself down even more? this is how i help myself, i have to act normal again.” people advised me to not talk to her again. they even said that based on what they see towards her, she just want to apology to me to lift her guilt but not because she’s really sorry. tbh, i wanted her to apologized. i feel sorry for myself for feeling this way. is it wrong that i am expecting an apology from her? is it wrong for me to feel angry towards her for acting as if she didn’t do anything horrible? is it wrong for me to hate her guts and the confidence she’s showing with her reason that God forgaver her and she already forgive herself so she feels free and all. i don’t know exactly what to feel.

Hello, I'm so sorry for your pain. This sounds like a complicated situation, but what entails cheating on someone? As a Christian couple (which I'm under the impression you are a Christian and your boyfriend was a Christian) what does being caught cheating mean? If your boyfriend and this woman exchanged flirty text messages perhaps that is what it means (because I can't imagine there was sexual immorality in the sense of physical relations before marriage if everyone is a Christian here) or perhaps they kissed? If so, your boyfriend bears the responsibility for being a man and being in a relationship and not being faithful. As for this woman, what she did was wrong also, but your boyfriend was your boyfriend and to you and the Lord is to whom is loyalty should be with, so I would not blame her per se, he needs to bear the responsibly for his sin and he has hopefully apologized to you and repented before the Lord for his lack of faithfulness. He chose to sin, you cannot blame the other party however tempting they may have been–God holds us responsible for our own sin and a woman needs to hold a man responsible for his own doing in an act of unfaithfulness and not blame the other woman so to speak, he made a choice. She was also a guilty party, but he chose to be unfaithful to you.

You did mention this woman messaged you via Facebook wanting to personally apologize but you didn't take her up on it. As a Christian if someone sins against you and apologizes, you do need to forgive them (Matthew 18:21-22, Ephesians 4:32, Colossians 3:13). Now it sounds like she is "moving on" in the sense of trying to heal by, well, moving on from it all and this upsets you. I understand this, but it sounds like she did contact you via FB and try to apologize by saying she wants to get together and personally apologize, so what else can she do?

To answer your other question, "is it wrong for me to hate her guts and the confidence she’s showing with her reason that God forgaver her and she already forgive herself so she feels free and all." Yes, it is wrong (please see verses below) and just a side note: forgiving ourselves is not a teaching found in Scripture, we don't forgive ourselves nor are we told biblically to do this; the Bible has a lot to say about forgiveness, but it does not specifically address the concept of forgiving oneself. God's forgiveness of us is enough, we do not need to also forgive ourselves–to say we also need to forgive ourselves is to say God's forgiveness is not enough for us and we need to add our forgiveness because His isn't powerful enough. It sounds like, from what I understand, that she asked God for forgiveness and she tried meeting up with you to ask you for forgiveness but you said no, so I think she is in a correct standing to try and heal and she has received God's forgiveness.

"Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you." Colossians 3:13 "If someone says, 'I love God,' but hates a fellow believer, that person is a liar; for if we don’t love people we can see, how can we love God, whom we cannot see?" 1 John 4:20 "If anyone claims, 'I am living in the light,' but hates a fellow believer, that person is still living in darkness." 1 John 2:9

I pray your heart heals and you forgive your former boyfriend and this woman and seek the Lord for His forgiveness in areas where you may struggle to forgive and remember, I say this out of love, "Bitterness is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die." I am sorry for your pain. <3

[parasite-core]

hey this is chance and here’s week 4’s prompt. how do strangers within the world view your protagonists? how would they describe them? and how does this contrast against how the protagonist views themself?

Hi Chance, as always thanks for the fun prompt 😊

So we’ll go down the list.

Roland: People who don’t know him see a stoic man who is reserved and dedicated solely to his duty to his religion and the people around him. He outwardly seems like the paragon of a religious follower to a good deity.

Inwardly he struggles to keep it up. He has PTSD and depression and he is extremely hard on himself. He is his own worst enemy, and he in many ways uses his dedication and loyalty as a punishment for his past deeds by overworking himself if others don’t step in and make him go at a more reasonable pace.

Kaius: The world sees what he wants them to see. And that’s generally a suave, quick-witted, well put together, lone-wolf gunslinger. He has a story for every occasion to try to perfect how others view him.

Inwardly, he is a quick-witted gunslinger, but he is also a loving and loyal husband and father, a bit of a trickster, and a habitual liar.

Umbrolus: Outwardly he looks rather intimidating at first look—he’s a large strong tiefling with shadowy colored skin, wild hair, and two sets of draconic looking horns. Then he opens his mouth and unless you’ve made him mad on first impression, that all flies out the window, because he’s just an overgrown puppy who wants to make everyone happy and protect his friends and loved ones, especially his SO Kleio. First impression is only right if you made him mad by hurting said friends and loved ones. Then…run.

Inwardly he’s not much different: he wears his heart on his sleeve, he’s very open about who he is and what’s important to him, so most people who meet him get a pretty clear understanding of him if they’re around him for any amount of time. He is also a terrible liar, he cannot lie to save a life, his poker face is non-existent, so even if he tried to hide some part of himself from others it wouldn’t stay hidden long.

Draven: Outwardly she is a paragon of Iomedae’s light. The Adamant Shield, temporarily Iomedae’s Herald, who never falters before a foe, who shoulders any burden to protect those around her. The One-Eyed Knight, who led an assault against impossible odds to take back the fortress town of Drezen and yet emerged from the depths of that fortress to fly over the battlefield victorious with the enemy commander’s head held aloft. She is a myth, a demigod in the flesh, and yet somehow she still walks amongst mortal men.

Inwardly…Draven is a disaster. First there’s the PTSD from all the times people around her have died violently, and the self hatred and blame she puts on herself that it’s *her* fault they died. That she is a blight on the people closest to her, that no one who loves her can survive contact with her. Then there’s her awful luck. She’s just the most unlucky person to ever live, her luck is cursed. She falls into pitfall traps others manage to avoid, she is targeted by enemies who are choosing their targets at random, and a million other little things in her life where her luck just turns sour for no reason except that she’s her. Draven also has a self-detrimental hero complex. Because she blames herself for others’ deaths around her, she tends to jump in and put herself in danger to save others to avoid more such deaths. She uses her own extraordinarily durable body as a shield when her own shield fails, and she will keep throwing herself in front of blows until either she’s dead or the person she’s protecting is definitively safe.

[noxianwilled]

When Katarina was sent on her first mission, she wanted to finally put her skills to use for Noxus, yes, but it was her father she wished to impress. She had his favor, though she wasn’t the only one he trained; it was less about winning it than it was about proving she was worthy of it, and of being raised above others, not only because she was his blood, but because she inherited his skill.

The lesson she learns from her failure puts an end to that. Katarina could have tried harder, further submitted to the General’s ways and orders to regain his favor; could have, were she anyone else. But not only was her pride wounded, by sending Talon to kill her, her father also broke her loyalty to him. Until then, it had always come first, though I don’t think it was something conscious; her duty to her country and to her house and to her father were all deeply entwined in the way young Katarina saw things, and up to then she never really had to differentiate those things. From then on, there is a sharp contrast between them; a contrast that could have made her loyal to family first and country second, had Du Couteau acted differently, but it isn’t what happens in truth. 

Her father wanted to punish her for shaming him and their house, but the lesson Katarina took from her mistake wasn’t about him, but that she failed as a noxian (in no small part because she’s simply unable to be humble enough that her father sending an assassin after her would have resulted in humbling her instead of making her furious but anyways). Because of that, Katarina strives to do right by her country (and by herself) rather than her family. In a way, I think it helped to move her mentality away from the privilege she grew up in, and closer to noxian philosophy that it is strength that ought to be followed, regardless of name.

And regardless of blood, too.

I know voice lines aren’t necessarily an accurate representation of lore, but given what little there is about the lore surrounding her relationship with her father, as well as the General’s fate, some of them seem to be quite tied to what happened, or at least how I understand those events. Swain, talking about Katarina, says “He asked her to do what she could not. To kill me.” And to me, it doesn’t sound like he’s talking about her skill as much as about an unwillingness to comply with that request, especially because if it was a matter of her trying and failing, I think there should be more of a feeling of antagonism or even superiority on his part (or hers! but as far as we know she seems to be working with him, not against him). In a separate line, a taunt to Kat, he says “Do they know who killed your father? Or do they still blame me?” which suggests that both of them are aware of who it was that killed her father and that it wasn’t Swain, regardless of what people mostly seem to believe. In one of Urgot’s taunts to her, he says “I hope your father begged when Swain betrayed him” which is in line with the idea generally speaking people think Swain is to blame for the General’s death, and supports the idea Katarina and Swain know that wasn’t so but this isn’t widespread knowledge. 

So Swain isn’t to blame for his death (but something happened between them, for people to think Swain betrayed him when Du Couteau was one of his biggest supports early on). My take is that Katarina got caught in the middle of it when her father asked her to assassinate Swain for him. But instead of choosing blood, she chose strength, and she chose Noxus — and instead of killing Swain, it was her father she killed.

I don’t think she’s fanatically devoted to Noxus (hear me out), but she’s deeply loyal because it’s the only bond of loyalty she truly has. Katarina had no childhood and no friends, even in her own family, being trained as an assassin from the moment she was able to hold a blade. Whatever warmth there may have been between her and her mother or her sister, if there was any, grew distant and stale over time, especially after they stayed in Shurima and she left with her father. She has no strong bond to them, and she never had a strong bond to anyone but her father, who constantly trained her and kept her around in order to make her into the assassin he meant for her to be. Even that strong bond of loyalty she had to her father was lost, since he sought to punish her failure in her first mission with death. 

All of this means that more than being genuinely all about Noxus, Noxus is the only thing she has a deep connection to, so it is first on her list no matter what; but were she to develop a connection to someone else, that might would likely change. Noxus can’t really offer her its loyalty in return; people can. Ultimately, Katarina is unable to set aside her personal feelings and connections entirely to make herself only a weapon for the empire (which is also not what she wants to be, not anymore; she wants to be more than just a weapon). And that could make a world of difference on where Kat stands in regards to her loyalties, but she has long since chosen to set aside her personal feelings in favor of remaining loyal to her country, so the road to get there would be hard, to say the least.

[nyasialiveshere]

The commoners are also to blame, they planned on contributing to the upper class and becoming apart of it rather than change it. That is the ultimate goal of the average human. To join not change. It's humanity's own hive instinct that is the true downfall. The rich or powerful is such a pointless term. People agreed to give power to the few because they hated their enemies more. They wanted to keep and block out others, so they pledged allegiance to leaders who will guide them in wars to destroy their enemies. The true enemy is ego. Do people who live in the jungles feel inferior. Do they demand money? No, they don't even know what that is. They don't care. If you play someone else's game of course you won't beat them. Giving value to the aristocracy is a mindset. Workers in the end were invented to replace indigenous people who lived off the land. There are no workers in nature. It's an unnatural process. There is only adding to the group your own family. Everything else is fantasy. Rich people don't know you and you don't know them. It's only the ideal of a society that makes everyone work together. That makes 100 people work for one person or a thousand people pay a membership fee to a store to buy food from it. There's nothing like it in nature. So of course one person will screw over the other. It's impossible to demand loyalty from someone who doesn't care about you. And why would they? Nothing in the movie talked about dismantling capitalism or giving back to nature. It's such a sham of a movie. Rich people love it because they recognize it as commentary of how desperate and envious poor people of them. And poor people think it's the rich upper class admitting that they are bad people. In reality it's simple showing both truths from a neutral perspective. Korea is one of the most classist places on earth. Poor people are treated as subhuman. The movie cast is full of rich people. It's barely a critique and if it is it is a very ironic one. No real lessons were taught and obviously nothing was learned from the film seeing how much people love it. It was simply another puff piece to make the upper class feel clever. The irony is poor people all over the world spent money watching this all while feeling like it was for them. That if anything is the lesson. Stop trying to get rich people to understand wealth inequality. The lion will NEVER feel bad for the gazelle. But having a victim mentality is even worse, selling out one another as a response is why the poor are still the poor. Spending money on, promoting and endorsing movies that glorify rich people's ignorance is why we cannot complain too much.

when parasite said the rich can afford to be kind, when parasite said global warming is most catastrophic for those least responsible, when parasite said the rich are the ones with access to sunlight, when parasite said the efforts of the working class are invisible to their exploiters, when parasite said water only ever flows from the rich down to the poor and never in reverse, when parasite said the rich are the real parasites for leeching off of their workers' labour

[integratedheart]

So many bits and bobs to keep up to date with and thoughts to lay out. So many solid conversations lately with myself and my partner. This has been such a big year of undoing. I'm realizing more and more what I need in friendships and what I need in partnership and what I need to keep myself happy and healthy. I've struggled this past year with letting go. I've always been horrible at it. I used to be strangely proud of it - that quote about having left claw marks on things resonated - it felt like pride. It isn't pride. It isn't an accomplishment to say "I cannot let go of things that no longer benefit me". It isn't loyalty to myself or another. It's trauma. I'm learning to let things go. Be it people, places, or things. It's been a big year of very hard things. I haven't properly addressed or faced some of those things and I'm going to talk about it in therapy tomorrow. I'm still angry. Still disappointed. Over having not one but two separate break ups. They both have individually forced me to look at a lot of things I've known but ignore. - That niceness was too centered in my life and sometimes you need to flat out tell people "You are not good enough for me" - That I'm fucking sick of people putting me on a pedestal and crafting some fantasy of who I am or rather looking at who I used to me - I'm sick of people acting like I'm a wild horse that needs to be caged - I'm beyond over people pushing their insecurities on me - I accepted less than I deserve because my self esteem was shit again and I was looking at "nice" vs "standards" - Having to face that I could always get what I truly want but settled for less - That someone who knew me for years, never knew me at all because they only see me as who they are supposed to be with romantically not an actual human being There's lots. I'm honestly stream of consciousness-ing this because I haven't journaled in a hot minute. At the root of everything - I'm not for someone else's consumption. I never have been. I'm mad that someone I care about and love could ever treat me in such a way and not notice. But I cannot control other people. I cannot make people realize their errors. Their fantasies. Their self fulfilling prophecies. All I can do is be myself. And I'm sorry to my Ancestors because they were trying to protect me before when they said I should break things off. Maybe I should have listened and it wouldn't have ended so horribly. I avoid it all. But I don't want to be like her. Her avoidance of her past is part of what caused our own relationship to break - although she'll never acknowledge it. She'd rather blame it on me being nonmonogamous or "trying to replace" her versus seeing the truth - if she had spent time working on herself, these things would have never happened. But what's meant to be, is meant to be. It wasn't God's will. Maybe the timing was wrong. Or maybe it's back to the originally statement that it's just not in this life time. I hate you for not telling me Happy Birthday. I hate you for pretending I'm the villain. It's not actual hate. It's sadness and disappointment. I think part of me hoped you'd come here in person and maybe we could talk and work things out or get some clarity. Maybe I hoped you'd finally put something on the line. Put your money where your mouth is so to speak. I feel resentment even if I understand it all. But I did the right thing. For the first time in my life, I did the right thing for myself. And nothing can ever take that away from me. I just wish I didn't lose a very special bond in the process. But I always said I'd choose myself first and I meant it.