#they truly are all things to each other
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in homosexual white collar news today, neal is handing over his wedding ring for peter :/
#white collar#homosexual white collar news#god i love this show#i'm on rewatch rn#to be clear i don't actually have a word for what i think their relationship is exactly#they truly are all things to each other#its like yuki yuki to matsu said:#“you're my mother you're my father you're my snot-nosed kid”#this bit in particular is very romantic coded tho#for anyone curious it's s2e14#the exact context is that peter has been kidnapped by keller#(side note i love keller he's so funny)#keller is demanding $2.5 mil to pay off the russian mob (long story) or he will kill peter#the only thing neal has worth that much he can access in time is the wedding ring he was going to give kate#(side note the ring is SO ugly lmao if i was kate i would divorce him just for that)#so he's giving it up#it literally represents his dreams of marrying and growing old with kate#and he's willing to give it up for peter#it's symbolic of him getting over kate's death#and he can only do it because peter needs him to#makes me truly insane
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i have suddenly become obsessed with a theme that HoO established but never proceeded to extrapolate on, which is:
You are Percy Jackson, and you have been swapped with a boy who was allegedly everyone's favorite person, but they have decided to replace him with you. They just met you. You stand next to his best friend and the people he's known his entire life. In his home. In his cloak. In his place. They stopped looking for him.
You are Jason Grace, and you have just found out you have a long lost sister who completely replaced you in her life with this girl you just met. Your lives and personalities are mirrors. She is you, living the life you were robbed of.
You are Annabeth Chase, and you have just become starkly aware that you have been inhabiting the void left behind by your best friend's long lost brother. You and Luke were just replacements for him. Now you have to look him in the eyes when he has nothing and know you took that life from him.
You are Piper McLean, and you have just found out your relationship is fake and built entirely on the memories of Annabeth Chase. You have been given a boyfriend when hers has been taken away. You have no idea how much of it is real or not but regardless you feel like if your relationship isn't exactly in their image that you have failed.
You are Leo Valdez, and you have just learned that you are the echo of your great-grandfather. You are not your own person. You just exist to be a mirror of him. A doppelganger. An actor and stunt double facing all the danger he never had to but wearing his face. To be there for his best friend decades later simply because he couldn't. You are playing a role. A seventh wheel and a pawn for a goddess who carefully sculpted your entire life for her own purposes.
You are Hazel Levesque, and the only reason you are alive is because your brother couldn't save your his sister. You are a consolation prize. An apology. Your existence here is misplaced in every way but you inhabit it anyways.
You are Frank Zhang, and you are a shapeshifter. Inhabiting your own body feels strange and clumsy when you could be literally anything at any time. You are anything and everything and live your life with the simple certainty of knowing exactly how you will die.
#pjo#hoo#heroes of olympus#percy jackson#riordanverse#jason grace#annabeth chase#piper mclean#leo valdez#hazel levesque#frank zhang#meta#analysis#me shaking hoo: what if we actually address the interpersonal dynamics of the characters. please. please. please. please.#frank is the only person on the boat not having an identity crisis tied to another member of the crew somehow and that is FASCINATING#but also WHERE is all the interpersonal literally anything. hello. please. making grabby hands. everybody identity crisis go.#i wanna see the entire argo ii crew stumbling through trying to figure out their places and senses of self!!!!!#particularly in relation to each other!!!!! we get snippets but we rarely ever get the full thing or a resolution!!!#like. HELLO??? Piper acknowledging that her relationship with Jason is artificially sculpted in the image of Annabeth and Percy???#and that her ideals of what Jason and her can be are just that she feels like they need to be like what Percy and Annabeth have????#and thats just DROPPED COMPLETELY????#poor Jason is getting replaced twice. Leo is not his own person.#Hazel at least gets the resolution that Nico does not truly see her as a consolation prize#but Annabeth gets to be hit with the like EIGHT YEAR DELAY of learning the place she inhabits in Thalia's life is the echo of someone else#cause like. yeah she knew Thalia had lost her brother but i dont think it clicked for her until she met Jason that oh. she *replaced* him#Frank at least has some certainty about his identity in one aspect (his curse). everybody else is floundering a bit#except for maybe Percy but its kind of the camps of ''i replaced this person and it weighs on me'' versus ''i have been replaced''
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Kiss Kiss Fallen Tree!
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#wei wuxian#lan wangji#Sorry to everyone who was looking forwards to this comic only to find out I put WWX in the ugliest outfit.#Continuity came first. Plus let's be honest; he did *not* show up in anything fancy. Or in all black as seen in most fanart.#We are at the middle of WWX depression arc. His self-care was 100% because Jin Yanli would be sad if he didn't try to look nice.#Okay okay. Fine I've delayed talking about the kiss long enough.#It is absolutely a core LWJ scene over a WWX scene. Which is made even more fascinating because we don't get his POV.#But we get so many insights! His loss of control and his firmness all contrasted against how he trembles.#And all of that wrapped up in a wonderful self-loathing bow! You go Lan Zhan! You hated yourself so much for this!#WWX is a hilarious narrator for this because he is truly just...baffled by what's going on.#He would push the person away but he doesn't want to hurt their feelings or pride (putting other people first again are we?)#I do understand why this one is divisive for people though. I choose to look at it through a character/humourous lens.#I've seen people defend and admonish this scene as a particularly shitty thing LWJ did and let's be very clear here: It was.#That's why I like it. LWJ did a shitty thing and struggles with it. It's part of what makes him so robust as a character.#It's also fine if you enjoy this scene for it's eroticism. You're not a bad person for that. You are just A Person.#People will have their own experiences with this topic. Be kind to each other alright?
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etho said actually you _don't_ understand the intricacies of how tango is my boyfriend and bdubs is my ex
(and how tango and bdubs kiss too)
Scar: We went on that little adventure, you know! Etho: Yeah, yeah, we had our adventure, that's true, that's true. Scar: You disparaged your teammates. That's it, all right, no more spoilers. Etho: (laughs) Our team has -- our team has some weird dynamics this -- this season. Cleo: (overlapping) Really, Etho? Is there trouble in paradise? (pause) Who's third-wheeling with you, again? I can't remember. Etho: (laughs) Uhh. The -- Cleo: Genuinely can't remember. I know it's you and Bdubs. And...Tango? Tango. Tango. Etho: (loudly) Why -- Why is Tango the third wheel? Why -- why isn't Bdubs the third wheel? Cleo: Because it's you and Bdubs. I'm sorry. I understand how that relationship goes. Etho: (dissatisfied) Hmm.
#why is this what makes me post again#tangtho#etho#ethoslab#tango#tangotek#tango tek#bdubs#bdoubleo100#bangtho#< saw that in etho's comments. and. yeah#also consider that tango and bdubs were together first this series and etho is the third wheel#to the fucked up love hate thing they have going on#there's never been something more appreciating and adoring BUT biting each other as tangdubs#goodtimeswithscar#hermitcraft s10#wild life smp#wild life smp spoilers#(Sorry but some people have ethubs blinders on but that's so much less interesting to me than the whole.#Yes bdubs is pathetic and will always be at etho's feet. and Yes etho will pity bdubs and want him protected.#but tangtho (!!!) has SO much more to play with...to Me.)#and Why is etho being a tango girl so under-noticed??? lmao. it's there to be noticed All the time#hot mic! hot mic!#but also lowkey dreading ep2 lmao#anyway I'll regret posting this lol#(also I see you asks in my inbox. sorry I haven't replied yet <3 re: s7 oh do I have thoughts! it's where it truly kinda began... I started#forming a reply to you back in May I think but I've been kinda averse to posting/participating in the fandom side for a while. sorry I#stopped being a good place for your tangtho snippets </3 I've still been watching and enjoying the streams and the tango etho joy continues#just haven't really felt like posting)
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"Existence is chaos. Nothing makes any sense so we try to make some sense of it. And I'm just lucky the chaos I emerged into gave me all of this. My own glorious purpose." LOKI 1x02 - The Variant
#lokius#lokiedit#mcuedit#marveledit#lokitvsource#loki tv#loki series#loki disney+#loki odinson#loki laufeyson#mobius m mobius#loki is already so fond of this odd little man#who knows how how long loki had been at the tva for at this point#one of my favorite things about his show#the fanfiction gaps lmao#also mobius just casually tangling his legs in between loki's#that's truly what altered my brain chemistry#they're so comfortable around each other!!!#we deserved more scenes like this 😭#episode of all time#loki s1ep2 you will always be famous#mine: gifs
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I think Aventio and Screwtio shippers shouldn't fight. After all, Ratio has two hands!
That's right. Two hands.
One for his chalk.
One for his codex.
Both of which he's holding in an embarrassed death grip as they chat away with each other about him.
#I'm on to something here#screwtio#aventio#hsr aventurine#veritas ratio#dr ratio#screwllum#hsr#honkai star rail#now as a disclaimer I'm not personally a huge fan of aventio#exclusively because i think they are so SO much funnier as gay friends#but something about combining the two clicks really well to me#Aventurine and Screwllum would be pretty fantastic metamours i think#they'd have a lot of fun playing off each other#but also Screwllum being there to dispute Aventurine's doubts over whether or not Ratio cares as a verified outside perspective#listing off shit like upticks in heartrate pupil dialation etc on top of being like#he talks about you fondly he knows your favorite things i can personally attest that you are very evidently important to him#stuff Aventurine can't easily write off when coming from not only an outside perspective but also a literal Genius#and on the flip side Aventurine would finally have someone other than Ratio and the Trailblazer he can talk to with relative ease#someone who has also been through a frankly incredibly traumatizing historical event#someone who is also under constant pressure to perform a certain way#someone who has gained wealth and power at the cost of carrying responsibilities on his shoulders and never being truly free#appearing free to anyone who glances but neither of them really are#Screwllum seemingly able to freely pursue whatever research he wants but ultimately permanently shackled with his titles#and public pressure to be the perfect poised representative for all of inorganic kind#forever treading the line of being both a desirable ally and a sufficient threat that you wouldn't want to cross him#and similarly Aventurine stuck in his cycle that he feels only death can free him from of gambling with his life on the line#because the IPC basically owns him#because let's be honest Jade's offer was just a lifetime labor contract he couldn't refuse#granted the illusion of freedom through gaining money and power but never truly free
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early seasons spn homophobia is actually so crazy because they literally do not look gay. hamfisted gay jokes when the characters look straight as hell. "you look the type" they literally don't. is the thing
#spn#there just truly was something in the waters of 2005-2008 in general. everybody just ITCHING to make gay jokes#even if there was really no actual foundational set up for it.#i'm rewatching himym right now which is. well it's many things but it IS interesting. to see#and there are SO many gay jokes that like. don't even make sense???? they're so forced.#like why are y'all so desperate to mention gayness even when it doesn't even suit the situation to make that joke.....#like you didn't need to do all that. you didn't need to even mention it. but you went out of your way to make a little gay joke#wish i could write some sort of thesis on the flirtation society had with gayness in 2005-2008 like. omg i don't even KNOW how to sum it up#obsession with gayness but still have to put on the front of it being Not Desirable but still can't help but mention it at every opportunit#like kids pulling on each other's hair and calling each other names in an effort to get attention#but that was mainstream society + culture @ the concept of being gay
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Consider: I repackage another ace attorney au (split phoenix au) into mp100 for the sillies
#doctorsiren#mob psycho 100#reigen arataka#shigeo kageyama#mp100 fanart#mp100 au#split reigen au#digital art#my art#procreate#see split mob would be verrrry easy to do and I will do it once squib and lily finish the show#but split reigen is also very easy bc bro literally said that thing about how everyone has another side to themselves#so here we have Arataka. the one who is lonely and depressed and smokes#and then we have Reigen. the one who is confident and a businessman and charismatic.#he always tries to portray himself as Reigen 😭#he has a sucker in the third drawing bc he’s still not allowed to smoke in the office#also I think Arataka would say the manga thing:#‘I was never particularly proficient in anything and I wasn’t curious about anything’#and Reigen would say the anime thing:#‘I did everything efficiently and I was filled with curiosity about everything’#and so Reigen is who he wants to truly be but he has to come to terms and work on solving the problems of Arataka hello I am insane#I love pulling characters apart into two silly little versions and making them face each other externally :3#aw man Reigen got all the ADHD while Arataka was left with the depression 😭/silly
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https://youtu.be/RbgDHyeQNdE?si=WXnghZZuAyvgumVL
Keith saying him and Matthews fiancé do the cooking for him and he just sits there and heckles them. So on brand.
"And how about your barbecuing skills? It looked like you knew what you were doing behind that grill!" "Well, Matthew is pretty useless so! Unlike Brady—Brady can, you know, does things on his own but Matthew likes when I'm down there so I do cook and his fiancée, Ellie, does a great job so. He just sits back and critiques us but forgets that we're the ones doing all the work for him. Which—hey! It was playoffs! I'll do anything for my children."
NHL Tonight: First Shift | 10.16.24 (x)
unfortunately tracks for him and im still crying into my hands its always the one who cant cook for shit thats the mouthiest about it
and considering this clip from faceoff it really does track
#ask#matthew tkachuk#brady tkachuk#keith tkachuk#florida panthers#i love when you can see the family tree of vocal tics#the ei! is intricate#the apple does not fall far from the tree in terms of vocalisms#oh the tkachuks what a family#the peanut gallery does have a lot to say huh id like to see you pick up those tongs you brat#the art of barbeque is an intricate one MAFFHEW SHUT IT#but maffhew giving ellie shit like the little brat he is#i think it makes the banana bread clip cuter he was soooooo proud to brag about it#but he probably was a little shit about it when she was mixing the batter#“ill do anything for my children” like being his personal cook despite him being a whole ass adult. parenthood is beautiful thing.#(no its terribly sweet btw)#godbless this family who does not take each others shit at all thats the best kind of fambily#like a whole tree of chickadees they do not stop chirping#special thank you to @/fannyyann because its truly a gift you screenrecorded those episodes and it makes clipping so much easier amen 🙏#maffhew being described as useless. oh the princess will not lift a single finger! she will not!!#she is here to be pampered and loved and to be waited on hand and foot!!!!
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Luo Binghe is the kinda psychopath to pull out scrabble on a date and call it flirting and Shen Yuan is able to respond positively to this because man has zero, negative, and infinity levels of rizz catching all and simultaneously no bitches at once because these radio frequencies are all different lengths in this essay I will...
#svsss#svsss shitpost#shen yuan#shen qingqiu#sqq#luo binghe#bingqiu#scum villain self saving system#SY would unironically thing LBH's scrabble skills are impressive and hot#it's not even LBH spelling out the spicy words#its 'OOH 3 words in and already using 12 letters? in one word?! bold sexy astute'#'a Q? how debonair'#they're made for each other#not because any sort of soulmate nonsense but because they're both right type of freak to respond well to that#imagine being taken in by the intellectual prowess of another man's scrabble skill because youre that much of a prick and a know it all#SY is simultaneously a good and terrible person#truly a redditor#meanwhile LBH is someone who never made a friend in 12 + years of schooling and simultaneously is extremely popular#equally freak behavior#both does and doesnt have a hobby#would be an incel if he didnt choose his target and won't let go#kids these freaks are professionals#do not repeat#not even getting into how SY is both pulling not with mulitple people constantly and its like you think how is this man single?#and yet is not how#its where and when but also why
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the fact that they made it illegal to make ads louder than programs on tv in 2010 but haven't updated it to apply the same regulation to streaming. who do i have to call.
#jack facts#like do they think we don't notice#i truly do hate it here#i really do think that we should get to a ''you ruined it for everyone'' threshhold with ads at this point tbh#circulating ads should be a need based allowance#below a certain nw you can circulate as many ads as you want provided they follow guidelines#then above a certain nw you get a quota. you can have x number of ads circulating at a time.#and i don't mean distinct different ads that can be put wherever. no. if you have an ad on youtube that counts as one#and if you put the SAME AD on a different platform or tv channel or at the fucking gas station pumps or on a billboard or ANYWHERE#each different instance of the ad counts as another ad in your quota!#& if you have like a 1min skippable + a 30sec unskippable v of the same ad on the same platform. that counts as two. FUCK you.#and then above another nw line. you cannot have ads at all. bye you don't need them they serve no purpose they are just annoyances.#also paying influencers to hawk your shit counts as ads! fuck you!! paid word of mouth is not actual wom that is also an ad! fuck you!!!#oh u want ppl to rec ur product & u don't have any ad spots left?? well sugar you better have a fucking good product then lol :) fuck you#also if a co breaks an ad reg that co and any co it owns/parents can never make another fucking ad ever again in its existence#AND if a ceo breaks an ad reg w one co then disbands it and makes a new co and breaks ad reg w that one#then the CEO or any co they have ANY % ownership or investment in can never make an ad ever again. FUCK you.#charities/nonprofits and sole proprietorships get one (1) appeal to a total ad ban#that's IT!! ENOUGH!!!!! ENOUGH!!!!!!!! FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#AND ONE MORE THING. ''pay us not to see ads on our platform/app/other thing'' should also be illegal.#''pay us for basic ass functions'' illegal. pay to win. illegal. sale/product announcements in things that are not press. illegal.#creating an ad or listing for something that doesn't exist and only manufacturing it after it is purchased. illegal.#ads that are full screen when a user has not already selected full screen on a video player. illegal.#pop up ads. illegal.#ads with audio on a platform that doesn't. illegal. video ads on a platform that doesn't have video. illegal.#ads w epilepsy triggers. illegal everywhere forever always w out needing to be reported by consumers. cannot be circulated in the 1st place#ads w graphic violence or soundscapes that mimic it. see epilepsy triggers.#ads for things that are not actually consumer products. illegal.#anything else u want to circulate like an ad must go thru other regs to qualify as psa or edu. if it doesn't qualify tough shit get fucked.#[insert gif collage of people talking extensively while wildly gesturing for emphasis here]
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The Three Subcon Bosses [My fanon version lol]
The trickster shadow, the wrathful queen, and the disappearing moon
Lore Below <3
Snatcher: Once was a kind lonely prince whose only talent was painting, often overlooked and ignored due to this. He fell in love with Vanessa quickly as she was the only one who understood the loneliness of his paintings. The two married after a year of courtship, but the prince worked hard to learn to rule by her side, even going to law school. Unfortunately, he ignored the terrible treatment by his frantic wife for fear of true loneliness until it was too late...
Now the kind prince turned into a terrible and manipulative shadow, using robbed souls and his smarts to grow as powerful as he is, growing to be the sole ruler of the Subcon Forest. He prefers to be in control and over-possessive of everything he deems 'his', including the terrible wife who killed him painfully. He despises her but deep down knows she's the only person who will ever truly care for him even as a monster so she gets to stay as his pathetic little toy <3
However, he can't help but enjoy the very small snippets of moments between them that remind him of a better time when they were young and naive. He can't help but smile as the princess Vanessa was once shines through that red mass of anger, oh how he wishes to rip open the beast and find his princess within it, safe and innocent as she used to be
Vanessa: She was once a kind and sweet princess filled with so much loneliness especially since her father ran away. On a visit to a foreign kingdom, she was immersed in the large gallery of paintings depicting how she felt perfectly, lonely. She soon fell for the painter, a kind but mischievous prince who was just as lonely as she was. But her horrible mother was jealous of her daughter's happiness and poisoned her heart and mind with her evil words, reminding the princess of her father who ran away. The princess' desperate thoughts turned dark and possessive, wanting the prince all to herself, even getting rid of her mother who she thought wanted her prince. The now Queen was more desperate, her heart and mind growing darker and bitter with each day that passed without her beloved... Soon it would all explode, taking every soul within Subcon with her.
After a few years of mindless wrath and pain, she 'cooled down'. Finally gaining sense and guilt, but since no one wished to accept her apologies, she learned not to care over such matters anymore. Her heart grew bitter, cold, and uncaring of much but the evil monster her beloved became. His very existence enrages her, reminding her that her kind sweet prince is gone and all she has is this thing, this terrible and evil shadow who took everything from her. But even so, she can never get rid of him, for he is the only one who will 'care' for her, who could relieve her of her loneliness even if his actions are cruel and taunting. She doesn't want to be truly alone, but he is the only one she can truly trust, so he is the only intruder who will remain safe from her terrible wrath even if she hates him so. Though she knows her prince is gone, she relishes the small brief moments she could see a flicker of him through the monster's wicked being. Oh, how she wishes she could grab her prince in that brief second and never let him go.
Moonjumper: He was once a naive but adventurous lad, a time traveler who shone bright with the moon. Crashing into the strange planet, he met a cold princess whose heart was as cold as ice. He felt understood as he didn't understand what love was either, so he decided to stay with the princess and become her king to find out what love was. They soon had a princess who they named Vanessa. The king loved his daughter very much but didn't love his title or his wife, for he was a being of freedom. Without confronting his wife, he planned to take Vanessa and escape, but he left her behind once his wife figured out his plot. His wife, who grew to love him, was heartbroken and distraught over his betrayal, and so she cursed him with her magic to death, over and over again.
The man became a distorted time rift, cold and alone, wanting nothing more than to find someone to stay with him in his lonely horizon, especially his little princess.
Hundreds of years have passed, and he watches on with great pain as the sweet girl his daughter was once turned into a monster. All thanks to the monster who took over Subcon with that disgusting smirk, he made his daughter the monster she is! And she was no better! Being easily influenced by that monster and turning into a monster herself, they were both horrible beasts! Both were responsible for taking away his little princess! Once he has the chance, he'll get rid of them both! But since he is much weaker and scared of them, he'll abide his time until he can finally avenge his sweet daughter. For now, he searches for someone he could keep in his lonely prison, someone who he can raise to be just as perfect as his little princess...
#a hat in time#ahit#ahit fanon#The Snatcher#Queen Vanessa#Moonjumper#ahit snatcher#ahit vanessa#ahit moonjumper#Subcon Bosses#So yeah thank u for reading this whole mess lol#it's not really an au but rather my fanon verison of things lol#It's a nice mix of HCs/Canon/Shane Frost's interpretation#They all horrible and need therapy but yaknow would rather die again than admit it lol#Anyways TLDR#Vanessa and Snatcher are in a very normal and extremely toxic situationship#They can't stand each other for much but they cannot exist without the other#because they are extremely lonely and know that the only person that truly understand them is each other#Moonjumper hates them both for different reasons but won't admit his part in everything#They all rule their own part of Subcon but Snatcher has more control of the general area + Van's territory#This also applies to his toxic situationship with Van. He wouldn't entertain this otherwise if he wasn't the one in control#Overall a toxic soap opera <3#Heights: Snatcher: 8'9/Vanessa: 6'0/Moonjumper:5'8#My Art#Demondoodles
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#fobedit#fall out boy#peterick#pete wentz#patrick stump#fob#zane lowe interview#anni edits#they're so funny to watch they're ready to just jump in and finish each other's sentences literally all the time#they truly talk as one person lol#also i love hearing so much about their process it's so chaotic#anyway this was the funniest moment in the whole thing for me.#i will KILL YOU!!!
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Did you see the clip of Joe yesterday?
Is it a clip now? Oh lord....was it funny at least?
It was the first time he ever used the F word in a conference.
He cursed? Y'all lying...I be trying to get him to curse, he don't curse when I'm talking to him...
#again love love loveeee this style of press conference where they get joe to talk about ja'marr a lot the first day#then report everything he said back to ja'marr the next day#truly they do have to communicate with each other in the MOST indirect convoluted ways#exhausting! just make them do these together!!! can you imagine them arguing about whether ja'marr's ever asked for the ball like that??#but still. this version of reality is also Very Good.#is it a clip now?? oh lord... just so wife embarrassed about husband coded if i'm being honest!#like 'oh what did he say now!! i hope it was at least funny!'#and then not believing that joe cursed (just like he didn't believe joe winked earlier in the year)#constantly trying to figure this man out <3#you know he's going to be on joe even more to curse now#the thing is i feel like joe probably doesn't curse much in casual conversion. midwestern polite boy and all that#but he's a grown-ass man so i'm sure he DOES curse occasionally#but maybe knowing how much ja'marr wants him to...he purposefully does it less around him to mess with him#that's a dynamic i fully believe for them#ja'marr chase#joe burrow#joe'marr
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ok I have A Lot of thoughts about the staircase confession (well really about Edwin's whole character arc, but all roads lead to rome) but for now I just wanna say that, yes, I was bracing myself for something to go terribly wrong when I first watched it, and yes, part of me was initially worried its placement might be an uncharacteristically foolish choice made in the name of Drama or Pacing or Making a Compelling Episode of Television but at the expense of narrative sense--
But I wanna say that having taken all that into account, and watched it play out, and sat with it - and honestly become rather transfixed by it - I really think it's a beautifully crafted moment and truly the only way that arc could've arrived at such a satisfying conclusion.
And if I had to pinpoint why I not only buy it but also have come to really treasure it, I'd have to put it down to the fact that it genuinely is a confession, and nothing else.
That moment is an announcement of what Edwin has come to understand about himself, but because it takes the form of a character admitting romantic feelings for such a close friend, I think it can be very easy, when writing that kind of thing, to imbue it with other elements like a plea or a request or even the start of a new relationship that, intentionally or not, would change the shape of the moment and can quickly overshadow what a huge deal the telling is all on its own. But that's not the case here. Since it is only a confession, unaccompanied by anything else, and since we see afterward how it was enough, evidently, to fix the strangeness that had grown between him & Charles, we're forced to understand that it was never Edwin's feelings that were actually making things difficult for him - it was not being able to tell Charles about them. 'Terrified' as he's been of this, Edwin learns that his feelings don't need to either disappear completely or be totally reciprocated in order for him to be able to return to the peace, stability, and security of the relationship with which he defines his existence - and the scale of that relief a) tells us a hell of a lot about Edwin as a character and b) totally justifies the way his declaration just bursts out of him at what would otherwise be such a poorly chosen moment, in my opinion.
Whether or not they are or ever could be reciprocated, Edwin's feelings are definitively proven not to be the problem here - only his potential choice to bottle it up - his repression - is. And where that repression had once been mainly involuntary, a product of what he'd been through, now that he's got this new awareness of himself, if he still fails to admit what he's found either to himself or to the one person he's so unambiguously close with, then that repression will be by his own choice and actions.
And he won't do that. Among other things, he's coming into this scene having just (unknowingly) absolved the soul of his own school bully and accidental killer by pointing out a fact that is every bit as central to his self-discovery as anything about his sexuality or his attraction to Charles is: the idea that "If you punish yourself, everywhere becomes Hell"
So narratively speaking, of course it makes sense that Edwin literally cannot get out of Hell until he stops punishing himself - and right now, the thing that's torturing him is something he has control over. It's not who he is or what he feels, but what he chooses to do with those feelings that's hurting him, and he's even already made the conscious choice to tell Charles about them, he was just interrupted. But now that they're back together and he's literally in the middle of an attempt to escape Hell, there is absolutely no way he can so much as stop for breath without telling Charles the truth. Even the stopping for breath is so loaded - because they're ghosts, they don't need to breathe, but also they're in Hell, so the one thing they can feel is pain, however nonsensical. And Edwin certainly is in pain. But whether he knows what he's about to do or not when he says he 'just needs a tick,' a breather is absolutely not what's gonna give him enough relief to keep climbing - it's fixing that other hurt, though, that will.
Like everything else in that scene, there's a lot of layers to him promising Charles "You don't have to feel the same way, I just needed you to know" - but I don't think that means it isn't also true on a surface level. It's the act of telling Charles that matters so much more than whatever follows it, and while that might have gone unnoticed if anything else major had happened in the same conversation, now we're forced to acknowledge its staggering and singular importance for what it is. The moment is well-earned and properly built up to, but until we see it happen in all its wonderful simplicity, and we see the aftermath (or lack thereof, even), we couldn't properly anticipate how much of a weight off Edwin's shoulders merely getting to share the truth with Charles was going to be, why he couldn't wait for a better, safer opportunity before giving in to that desire, or how badly he needed to say it and nothing else - and I really, really love the weight that act of just being honest, seen, and known is given in their story/relationship.
#dead boy detectives#edwin payne#the case of the very long stairway#im sorry this really IS the short version of my thoughts i swear#i didnt want to get long and rambley backing everything up and mentioning everything else this forces me to reconsider#i just feel like i've barely interacted w this fandom and still seen quite a few odd duck takes on this moment imo#i dont think he wouldntve got the nerve to say it otherwise#(he was already going to! & if anything his new experiences in hell only cement that being the right choice)#and as much as i get what fear can do to a person i still definitely dont think he was resigned to staying in hell if charles reacted badly#i truly think he just couldnt keep it to himself any longer#the show is upfront about his escaping hell being a testament to his own strength rather than a lucky break of some sort#so i think even being on the receiving end of a rescue mission getting out still must take a lot of strength in this universe#and telling charles that definitely made him stronger/in less pain#so yeah totally necessary it happened where and when it did in my book#also i hope it doesnt sound like im being dismissive of anything charles says in this scene#but the way i see it those were all things they both already knew#so reaffirming them just adds to the idea that the act of Telling Each Other Things is what's so important here#rather than counting as a truly separate thing this conversation achieves#just my two cents
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Curly had two days to act and Swansea had two months.
I think it’s just interesting that every defense of Swansea not immediately acting are the same ones that are argued against for Curly. “He didn’t want to alert Daisuke or makes things worse for Anya either Jimmy!” I mean people also assume that about Curly and the crew. “He has to think about his plan of action and a right moment!” Again so did Curly, power and authority aside, he still would have to think of what he had to do. “He makes sure he doesn’t have to be around Jimmy!” So did Curly and they only do this to an extent, both give Jimmy more than a few opening to keep harassing Anya.
This isn’t defense of Curly nor a damnation of Swansea. Their actions are very parallel to each others in tragic and sour ways when it comes to how they approached helping Anya. In the grand scheme of it all they both did the same thing: Nothing. No action either took stopped the inevitable outcome of her death nor Jimmy’s continued damage to themself.
The only real difference is Swansea didn’t like Jimmy which is pretty substantial, but also just as damning as Curly knowing how bad Jimmy could get to an extent. He had even less of a reason to wait, even more of a reason to act seeing as he was now worried for Anya AND Daisuke. He is not bound by the possible procedure as Captain and actively does not care about what happens next. So what does it matter if he acted in the moment? Why did he wait? I think he’s just as morally complex and grey as Curly and we hold him on a pedestal that still perpetuates things in rape culture the game critiques.
It’s not just enough to dislike and be abrasive to predators/abusers like Jimmy. It’s not enough to just put yourself between them and the other person. It’s not enough to hold tensions when you know someone is vulnerable. He and Curly do the exact same things but on different sides of the coin. I ask how is it better to not turn a blind eye but still not really do anything about what you are seeing? Not until it affects you atleast…
The game makes a big point to not put men doing the bare minimum or who wait to do more on pedestals and I’m actually surprised so many are missing that point.
#like I’m sorry two months? he couldn’t have explained it at all to Daisuke?#he’s no better than Curly and it’s likely Anya found comfort in the fact that Jimmy would at least avoid being around Swansea#tho everything he went off to drink or passed out she would be acutely reminded that things are still taking precedent in his head#she is not his top concern nor is seeking justice for her like he is admittedly more concerned about Daisuke he doesn’t mention her#outside of the fact that they were def talking about what Jimmy did and likely the fact he might’ve crashed the ship but pls don’t mistake#his final acts as being majority for Anya. the game keeps showing how these men keep prioritizing things over her even when they say they#won’t and it’s sad it’s so sad that we keep trying to say but what about him like they all do it#it’s not intentional but that’s what’s also bad about it like I doubt she made a suicide plan with him two months in advance#these characters are acting to get out of this and she knows her ending is not happy if she leaves or not she’s taking that choice to do it#and hell Swansea might not have known by the way he speaks to Daisuke and Jimmy that that was her plan to khs#likely either to just keep her and Curly locked in med bay until they got rescued or died#but it’s all speculation and thinking and I can only implore people to think why are you giving Swansea more credit?#cause I see him bittersweetly so used to the negatives he cares not for futile efforts#two months vs two days and each time nothing was really done for her other than prolonging her suffering around Jimmy#Swansea slept outside utility was drunk most of the time and it’s clear Jimmy was able to have access to Anya whenever#I mean look at the teaser where they sit at the table he is far from her with Daisuke#like it’s just frustration at this point thinking any guy on that ship was doing good by Anya specifically and not for their own reasons#like at least Curly was direct on the issue he still did mostly Jack shit but Swansea doesn’t even let Jimmy know he knows#and that’s another issue in rape culture of men avoiding calling other men what they are even if they hate them like#the game plays with the idea of knowing vs acknowledging and neither truly acknowledge it as a part of their actions#against Jimmy and god no one did better than Anya for Anya. they just weren’t heinous like Jimmy#mouthwashing#mouthwashing game#curly mouthwashing#captain curly#swansea mouthwashing#anya mouthwashing#nurse anya#it’s not all men but all men can and do play a part especially in the extreme scenario mouthwashing deposits
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