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#they say talk to people but so many people don't want to listen
all3-stxr · 2 days
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i like the way you kiss me
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you and satoru were both teacher at jujutsu tech. as always, he pestered you just as much as he did with nanami and yaga. now, he was sitting on your desk of the empty classroom as you dusted off the chalkboard, pouting about the higher ups.
"i just. . . i don't get it. how they don't give a damn about those kids. i think i do a good job about caring, right?"
"you do really well, satoru." you ruffle his hair before returning back to cleaning the chalkboard.
that makes his cheeks flush a little red, not used to such praise. well, sure, he's praised by so many people, but from you, it just felt. . . different.
he cleared his throat before changing the subject. "so. . . wanna go out and get dinner? or is it too early for all of that?"
you hum quietly. "well, actually, i've been meaning to talk to you about something."
as you turn to face him, his blue eyes met yours as he tilted his head to the side. this was something he wasn't prepared for, but he could deal with it. "yeah? what's up?"
you were only able to meet his eyes directly since he was hunched over on your desk (thank god for that). "i want you to leave jujutsu."
he blinked. did he hear that right? sure, the idea of leaving did come across his mind every now and then, but he could never bring himself to do it. he opened his mouth to protest but hesitated before saying anything. ". . . why?"
you glance away for a moment. "they're just using you."
he stared at you for a moment. he knew you were right. hell, everyone knew it - he hated it just as much as you did - but there was no other option. he sighed, running a hand through his hair. "i know. . . i know they are. but i can't just leave. not now. i have responsibilities, there's so much more that i have to do that i can't just leave."
you gently cup his cheeks, tilting his head back up to look at you, despite his blindfold being on and you didn't know where his eyes were trained. "but you deserve more than that."
he didn't hesitate to lean into your hands, letting out a shaky breath. he wished he could leave. but who was going to take his place? he was the strongest for a reason. and what happens to his students when he leaves? megumi? itadori stuck with sukuna? he would never stop blaming himself if something or someone got hurt after he left. "i- i know but- i can't."
"if you wont leave, then promise me this-"
he didn't hesitate to nod, eyes trained on you as he listened to each and every word you had to say.
"-always come back safe to me."
he was a bit taken aback by this. he was strong enough to take on anything, that was what he was made for, right? he didn't doubt his abilities at all, but if it would ease her anxiety and make her happy, then he'd do it. "i promise."
your eyes narrow, taking in his expression with great scrutiny, making sure he wasn't lying. you gently lift his blind fold onto his forehead, finally meeting his beautiful blue orbs (he knew you loved just looking at them).
"thank you, 'toru." you say softly.
his ears grew a little pink at that. "of course." he muttered quietly.
you couldn't help but laugh a little at how shy he seemed for a moment. "dork."
"but i'm your dork, right?" he smirked down at you, looking at you with those bright, adoring eyes.
you roll your eyes and tug the blindfold back down. "yes. my dork."
he was a bit surprised by you tugging down the blindfold but could only smile like an idiot. that's all he was. he was just a big idiot when it came to you. "good. all yours~" he smiled, leaning down to press a soft kiss to your forehead.
you hum. "you know, i never see you kissing nanami's forehead. . ."
he snorted. "i never kiss anyone's forehead. except for yours." he hummed, pressing another kiss to your forehead, then to your nose. he really was just trying to kiss any part of you he could.
"alright, lover boy, that's enough." you smile and push him away gently.
he pouts and tugs you back against his chest. "come on, just one more. please?"
you shake your head which causes him to whine and pull you closer, your thigh sliding between his and you feel him. all of him.
"i need you." he murmured into your ear.
now, this wasn't the first time you two have gotten a little handsy. working as a sorcerer, you don't have much time for relationships, but that doesn't mean you can just stop being horny. so, just as satoru was your cure for that, you were his. and you couldn't just leave him like this.
"i didn't even do anything, satoru-!" you're cut off by him grinding his hips down against your thigh and you feel that familiar heat pool in your stomach.
"don't need to baby, you're just so fuckin' pretty."
you have to bite back a groan at the sultry hint in his voice, his lips brushing over the shell of your ear. "please, angel."
you push him back against the chair, making him sit, easily sliding off his belt like it was an everyday occurrence (which it practically was from how good this man felt and sounded while he was balls deep inside of you).
his eyes are trained on you and he slides off his blindfold once more so you can look into his eyes. but what he wasn't expecting was for you to get down on your knees after sliding down his boxers to his ankles, and begin pressing kisses down the shaft of his pretty pink cock.
he has to stop the moan from escaping his lips just at mere kisses, and a large hand clamps over his mouth as your tongue swirls over his flushed tip, leaking with precum.
"so wet already." you snicker, but before you can utter out another word he bucks his hips up into your face, dick sliding down the slippery hole of your throat, making him groan loudly. "mm, i'm sorry. so so so sorry, baby. please- ngh- forgive me." he babbled out, hand coming down to gently stroke your hair as you tried to suppress your gag reflex from acting up.
you can only hum, the vibrations sending shivers down his spine as you began to suck him off, hands holding down his toned thighs to stop him from fucking your throat until you couldn't breathe.
his hand bundled up your hair to give him some sort of leverage so he could try (and fail) to hold himself together. that's when his eyes flicker over to the open door and he almost cums right there on the spot - you fucking knew.
"y/n, the door-" his voice is muffled by his hand, and the look in his eyes shows he's about to lose it. if nanami or yaga, or even one of the kids walked in right now-
you slowly slide him out of your mouth, swallowing his slick as you respond. "then be a good boy and be quiet, sweetheart."
he whines at your words. you knew how vocal he could be, especially when you sucked him off - nothing but loud groans and praises, practically begging for you to let him cum in your pussy next or he "might just die."
for someone known as the strongest, he didn't act like it the second his dick came into the picture.
he watches intently as your candied lips slide over his length, cheeks hollowed out, making room for him just because he got hard after kissing your face.
he's entranced by the way only his tip stays in your mouth when you pull up, then sink back down around him in a heap, and he's biting his shirt just to shut himself up (not that it was doing him any favors). you could still hear his pretty groans as his head rolls back, hips faintly stuttering up into your mouth as he tried to close that space and feel your tight little throat around him again.
"fuckfuckfuckfuck-" his hand begins to guide you, pushing you down and slowly lifting you back up easily. he can feel your throat spasming every time you take him in fully, little white hairs tickling your nose before you're back up to just his tip.
you blink up at him and god is this view ethereal. brows knit together, long white lashes fluttering ever so slightly at each thrust, his uniform wettened by his mouth as he moans into it, saying your name like some sort of prayer. you feel just how wet your panties are, and you know you're gonna ask those long fingers to do you a favor later.
"'m gonna cum," the shirt falls from his mouth as he warns you, but you just hum some more, and you know that's what set him off as he lets out the most pornographic moan and keeps you at your pace to ride off his orgasm, and you're sure every person in the school could hear it. creamy white liquid just filling your throat and no matter how many times you swallow, it just keeps coming.
and your thoughts are only confirmed when nanami's voice comes from down the hallway and you almost choke on his load. "gojo?"
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lycheeloving · 1 day
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Why is there almost no Lex Luthor content... I saw him in Young Justice and immediately got inspired lol
Anyways, here's a yandere!Lex Luthor fic, with Superman and Batman rescuing you, but do they have good intentions? 👀 (gender neutral reader ofc)
Warnings for mind controlling/altering devices & substances ✌️ and general yandere stuff ofc
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You're not the biggest fan of big events with many people, but with Lex at your side, you find you don't really mind anything, even the gala you're currently at.
Holding his hand, you happily watch him as he talks to rich people you couldn't care less about, when he turns to look at you.
You perk up as he presses a kiss to the corner of your mouth. You try to lean into it, but he pulls away too fast for your liking. At least you catch a whiff of his scent, he always smells so good...
"Be a doll and get yourself a drink at the bar, would you?"
Ah.
That's code for "we're going to talk about confidential business stuff". Sure. You can spend some time away from him, even if it makes you feel a bit uncomfortable. You'll do it for him!
You silently nod, reluctantly let go of his hand and start making your way across the room towards the bar.
As you're leaving, you make out the word "Justice League". They have been giving him trouble recently, is that what their conversation is about? You can never remember what exactly their issue is with him... He's just a CEO!
Unfortunately the bar is out of earshot, so you can't keep listening, which is exactly why he sent you away in the first place, but you sit on a stool from which you can still easily see him.
He always says that you shouldn't worry your pretty little head about his boring business stuff, so you don't, but he always looks so good when talking about it! So serious and in charge...
After ordering a fun looking cocktail you sigh, already missing him.
You didn't use to like alcohol, but everything tastes better now that you know him, so you indulge in the occasional drink.
You catch yourself staring at Lex. Maybe you shouldn't look at him this much? What if people think he's weird for dating someone who's this obsessed with him? You don't want that for him, he has so much to deal with already... Swishing your drink around, you try to tear your eyes away from him.
You sigh again.
Somebody slides onto the stool next to you and orders a fancy sounding drink. He turns to you.
"Are you ok? I could hear you sighing from across the room."
"I'm fine... I just miss my boyfriend." You hold back another sigh and absentmindedly trace the rim of your glass.
"Oh, so you came here alone?"
"No, he's over there." You subtly point at him. "He's just talking about some important business stuff without me right now."
"Lex Luthor?" He pulls a face as you nod.
"So you're..." He says your name. Apparently people know you! Huh. You hadn't realized.
"I'm Bruce Wayne, by the way."
Now that he mentions it, you don't know how you didn't notice it before. He is quite famous. You probably should have recognized him, but you were too distracted by how dreamy Lex looks...
"What are you doing with him? I mean, he's not known for being fun. Or kind."
He sounds like he's joking, but you don't think it's funny. Your face turns serious.
"You must not know him very well, then."
He holds up his hands in defense. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend you or anything. Or him, I guess..." He trails off.
Changing the topic with a grin, he says: "I'm guessing that means I don't have a chance with you?"
You shake your head. He can't be serious.
"...What if I shave my head? Would you consider leaving Luthor for me if I was bald?"
You crack a little smile at that. But your answer remains the same.
"No, I wouldn't leave my Lexie for anyone."
His eyes widen. "Oh, wow, so your relationship is pretty serious, then?"
Why would he even ask that?
"Of course it's serious, I love him!"
He pauses for a moment, seemingly contemplating something.
"...and does he love you?"
You gently touch the spot where Lex last pressed a kiss to your face and look in his direction, only to find he's already looking right back at you. You smile.
"He does." You're sure of it.
Bruce gets up from his chair as Lex starts making his way towards you. "Well, it's been fun, but I'm going to go find someone I actually have a chance with." And avoid a confrontation with Lex.
He winks at you. "Bye!"
You don't say anything back as he leaves, because you're too busy looking at Lex, who's now standing right in front of you. He puts his hands on the bar behind you, caging you in with his arms.
"What did Wayne want from you?"
"Oh, I don't know, nothing important." Already distracted, you reach up to play with his tie.
He raises an eyebrow. "Were you not paying attention to him? Good. Can't have you leaving me for him."
Your eyes widen and you shake your head, even though you know he's just teasing you.
You would never! He smirks as if he can read your mind.
"Well, I have some more business to attend to. I have informed our driver that he is to take you home whenever you wish, while I will be returning to the office."
You pout at him. "I know your work is important, but please don't take too long. I'll miss you..."
He smirks. "I know, darling. I will hurry back to you."
The kiss he presses to your lips is eagerly reciprocated by you, before he gently pulls your hand away from his tie and goes back to the people he was talking to earlier, vanishing through the door.
No reason to stay here now that he's gone, right? You finish your drink and leave the building, but as you turn to look for your driver, you bump into someone.
You go to apologize, but the other guy is faster.
"Sorry! I'm sorry. I didn't mean to-"
His eyes widen and he straightens his glasses.
"Wait! You're Lex Luthors significant other, right?"
You nod with a smile. How lovely that this is what people know you as!
"I'm Clark Kent, with the Daily Planet. I've been meaning to talk to you about-"
Your smile vanishes. "No comment."
Lex told you that no matter what you say, reporters twist it in a way that makes you look bad, and that it's best not to engage.
He seems a bit disappointed at your quick response. "That's fair. But off the record, can I just ask how you met him? As far as I know, you weren't a part of these circles before you showed up on his arm one day."
"Off record?"
He nods.
You think you can trust him, at least with some of it.
"We met at my workplace. I used to be a barista."
Not knowing how to make it sound nice, you leave out the part where you thought he was rude to your coworker and reprimanded him, and how you only grudgingly agreed to go on a date with him because he cornered you after work and threatened to get your coworker fired if you refused.
But it was all a big misunderstanding! During that first date you realized that you really like him and that he's a really good guy!
He just didn't know how else you'd agree to go out with him after you were so angry at the beginning!
"So it was love at first sight?" Kent questions.
"Not first sight, maybe, but I knew he was the one during our first date. It just... felt so right."
Lex, of course, did know at first sight, but he's always been smarter than you, so it's not a surprise that he caught on more quickly.
"Well, thanks for the conversation. I'm going to find someone I can actually interview now, so my boss doesn't get too mad at me. Bye!"
He stumbles towards the building, bumping into someone else. What a clumsy guy! You catch him looking at you again before he enters through the door.
You finally make your way to the driver and get into the limo, driving home in silence.
Time for a lonely night without Lex...
After you get home and get ready for bed, you put on one of his shirts and go to sleep on his side of the bed.
That way you'll definitely wake up when he returns, because he refuses to sleep on your side. He'll have to get you out of the way somehow, probably pick you up...
Burying your face in his pillow where his scent is the strongest, you fall asleep.
A noise from the direction of Lex's home office wakes you up.
You're still on his side of the bed. Did he come home and keep working? Seriously? Maybe he'll let you sit in his lap while he finishes whatever he's doing...
Quietly walking towards his room, you hear low voices. Is Lex on a call? In the middle of the night?
As you make it to the entrance, you can finally make out words. It's not Lex.
"-only let you come because you said you could be stealthy. If I knew you'd be this loud, I would have come here alone."
You sneak a look around the door. Is that Batman? And-
"This is my city, and I know Luthor better than anyone, that's why I came along. Besides, I didn't make that much noise!"
-Superman!
You take a step back. Where is the button that alarms security again...? Next to the bed, right? You start making your way back to the bedroom, but...
"We have company."
You're almost at the button, try to start running towards it, but Superman is in front of you before you can blink. Shit.
"Sorry, can't let you inform anyone that we're here, we still haven't gotten everything we came for!"
He actually looks apologetic. What is wrong with him? Breaking into your home, but pretending to feel bad about it?
He holds onto both of your arms and leads you back into the office, where Batman is tinkering with Lex's computer. What could they be looking for?
"Well, if you're here already, we might as well ask you directly. What do you know about Luthor's mind-controlling technology?" Batman asks you.
Mind-controlling? What would Lex need that for?
"I- I think you've got the wrong person. I have no idea what you're talking about."
"People who usually would never cooperate with Luthor have started working for him, so I got suspicious. After some research I was able to figure out that he uses microchips to control them. But we haven't been able to figure out how to extract them without causing damage to the person they've been installed in."
Batman takes a step towards you.
"So I'll ask one more time. What do you know?"
You really have no idea what he's talking about.
"Wh- What would Lex even use that for? I don't understand!"
"Batman, are you sure they know anything? We're already 99% sure there's a chip inside of them as well, maybe one of its effects is not remembering anything about the chips?"
"It was worth a try." Batman turns to look at Superman. "I assume this means you haven't checked for a chip yet? Make yourself useful and use your x-ray vision."
"Oh, right! Right..." Superman mumbles. "No need to be rude about it."
He focuses his gaze on you. It's pretty unnerving, knowing he's looking inside of you. There's nothing you could hide from him, nothing you could do to make him stop looking at you. You hope he's really only looking inside of you...
After looking at you for too long for comfort, he chimes up: "Yep, there's a chip! Right in the shoulder."
Of course there's a chip in your shoulder, but that doesn't mean you're being controlled!
"That's just a tracker! Lex put it there in case I'm ever kidnapped or something, so he'll immediately know where I am!"
"...You let him put a tracker in you? Voluntarily?" Superman seems confused.
"Yeah? Why wouldn't I?" You're confused as well. Why wouldn't you let him? He did it because he loves you! To take care of you!
Batman doesn't seem to care, only humming in acknowledgement and going back to fiddling with the computer.
That reminds you that Lex put another gadget on you...
Your necklace (beautiful, expensive, and of the letters "LL") sends him a discreet emergency signal as soon as you take it off! You just need to be able to reach it...
"Um... Superman?" You crane your neck to look up at him.
"Do you have to hold onto me like that? I mean, just, what could I do to get away, right?"
You look up at him and try to look as confused and innocent as possible.
You glance at Batman. He seems to not be interested in your conversation at all, instead focusing on the computer. Good.
"You're fast enough to immediately catch me, before I could even take a tiny step! Just- This position is kind of awkward to be in, right?"
Please fall for it, please fall for it...
"Sure, you've been pretty cooperative so far, I don't think we have anything to worry about with you..."
He chuckles, almost embarrassed, then reluctantly lets go of his hold on your arms, flexing his hands.
Holy shit. It worked.
"Nice, thanks!" You smile. What an idiot.
Now you just have to play it cool...
Act natural and normal and not like you're up to anything...
You reach up to rub your neck, as if having turned it to look up at Superman strained it.
Well, it did, but you're mostly doing it to get your hands near the necklace. And now you just have to-
The necklace opens with a quiet click, followed by an alarm sounding from the computer.
Right. You forgot it sends a signal to all of Lex's technology, including the computer in this room. Oops.
Oh well, doesn't really make a difference if they're aware that you alarmed Lex or not. What could they do about it now?
Both Superman's and Batman's heads snap towards you. You smile. Lex should be on his way now.
"Superman, why would you let go of-" Batman cuts himself off. "Doesn't matter. I have the information we came here for. Let's go."
"Are we just going to leave them here?" Superman sounds concerned.
Batman walks towards you, holding something up to your face. "No."
It smells weird, what is that? You feel dizzy, try to pull your head away from it, but Batman is holding onto you, you can't move.
Then, everything goes black.
You wake up on a bed in a bright, unfamiliar room with an ache in your shoulder.
There's a bandage in the spot where your tracker is. Or, used to be, you assume.
Rude of them, to dig around in your body without your permission.
Lex will freak out when he hears about this. He must be looking for you already.
What is this, some kind of infirmary? Where exactly are you?
Just when you decide to get up and try to leave or find out more about where you are, Superman enters the room.
"Oh, you're awake!" He gently pushes you to lie back down. You don't object, you know how strong he is, even if he is being careful right now.
"You shouldn't get up yet, your body should still be adjusting to the chip being gone."
He looks at you with curiosity. Or with hope? You can't quite tell what his expression means.
"Which, by the way, do you feel any different? About Luthor? Any memories popping up that you couldn't remember before?"
Now that he mentions it, some of your time with Lex seems... clearer. You suddenly remember the whole chip thing. And that he's constantly trying to fight (and kill) Superman and the rest of the Justice League. And a bunch of immoral business choices. And villain stuff.
But you still love him.
"I don't feel any different."
Lex must have had a good reason to block those memories from your mind.
Maybe it was for exactly this scenario, so that if the Justice League kidnapped you, you wouldn't be able to tell them anything! Unfortunately they were able to restore those memories, but that doesn't mean that you have to tell them that and make it easier for them!
Superman looks disappointed. "Oh... That's unfortunate."
Why does he seem to be so invested in this? Just because he hates Lex? What does he care if Lex is in a relationship, that shouldn't concern him at all!
"So can I go now?" You throw your legs over the side of the bed and sit up again.
"I mean, now that you know that I wasn't influenced by that chip? You can't keep me here, that would be kidnapping!"
It already is kidnapping, technically.
"Sorry, I can't let you leave." He doesn't look super apologetic about this.
"Batman is still working on something."
"I'm done working on it, actually," Batman responds.
Wait, when did Batman get here? You didn't hear him enter the room...
Superman perks up. "And did you find anything?"
"I did." Batman turns to you, his expression even more serious than usual.
"Blood tests revealed that you are affected by a toxin that messes with your pheromones. After digging through more information on Luthors computer, I was able to find correspondence between him and Poison Ivy. Apparently they made a concoction that is specific to your dna, meaning only you are affected by it, and it causes you to be attracted to him alone. He must have used it as an aftershave or perfume, but it seems pretty long lasting. The effects should last up to a month after exposure."
No. That can't be true.
"You're lying. Lex wouldn't do that. He had no reason to do that, I love him!"
Batman ignores you. "Luckily I was able to synthesize an antidote. Hold still."
You don't hold still, of course, trying to scramble off of the bed, but Superman holds onto you.
"Shhhh, calm down. You'll feel better soon," he whispers, his mouth unnervingly close to your ear.
Batman gets closer to you with a syringe, preparing to inject you with a green liquid.
"This is going to hurt."
"Wait!" you try to protest, but-
-you feel the syringe enter your skin, and then you feel pain. In your entire body.
It hurts! Why does it hurt so much!
You squirm in Superman's grip. Your head feels like it's going to explode.
There's nothing but pain for a few seconds that feel like eternity.
But then- nothing.
You feel nothing. No pain. And-
"Holy shit." You blink.
"Holy SHIT."
What did that fucker do to you?
"I was in a relationship with Lex Luthor? Why did nobody stop me! What is wrong with everyone!"
You blink again.
"I mean, I guess you stopped me. So... thank you?"
Superman lets go of you, seemingly content that you've come to your senses.
Batman seems to be holding back a smirk.
You're not done processing everything yet.
"Why would he-"
You forget what you were going to say and gasp, distracted by a new thought.
"Wait, what the fuck am I going to do now! Where can I go? I moved in with him and he made me break off contact with all of my friends! I don't have an apartment anymore or friends to stay with!"
You look at the two heroes. "D- Do you think he'll look for me? Probably, right? I mean, we were going to get married."
You feel sick.
"Wait, is an engagement legally binding? Fuck. Can I just leave? We didn't make it public yet, but that doesn't make a difference, right? Fuck!"
Superman puts his hand on your shoulder. "Don't worry, we'll take care of all of that. We won't allow him anywhere near you ever again."
Batman adds on: "And you can stay in the Watchtower for now. That's the safest place for you. He won't manage to get in here."
You frown. "Are you sure that's ok? I don't want to be a burden..."
Superman's smile gets wider, it's almost creepy.
Batman moves closer to you, putting his hand on your other shoulder. You're starting to feel a bit smothered.
"We'll gladly take care of you. For however long it takes."
You wonder if that means forever.
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Fall mansion rambles
I'm just in a fall mood today so I wanted to do some fall-themed rambles because listen, listen, I feel like everyone in the mansion fucking loves fall.
They play different music year-round, and I feel like Liu as the resident jazz lover breaks out his jazz records and just plays them for everyone to hear and it sets the MOOD. The mansion feels so much cozier with the sound of Autumn jazz drifting through it, and it puts everyone at ease.
Then, the DECORATING. They go all out in the mansion for Halloween, and they do a mix of general fall decorations and Halloween decorations, everyone decorating the outside and inside of the mansion until they pretty much run out of decorations. Also, they totally have that one decoration from Target that says "I am Lewis" and he's right at the entrance of the mansion, I will not hear otherwise.
Tim and Slender really break into their fall baking, constantly making new pies and cookies for everyone to eat, and they get devoured. The two of them bake so many fucking pumpkin pies from September to the end of November that it's ridiculous, but every single one is eaten in like a day or two with how many people are in the mansion. I feel like Tim is the drink maker for everyone, and he's always making fresh hot cocoa or something that is pumpkin spice flavored for everyone to enjoy, and it just sets the mood so well. They light the fireplace and just all gather around it eating pumpkin pie and their respective hot drinks and it's the best vibe ever.
Speaking of pumpkins, by the way, DECORATING THEM! I feel like Helen helps everyone every year carve or paint their own pumpkins if they need help, and he supplies all of the tools for it. Slender takes them all to a huge pumpkin patch and lets every single creep pick out a pumpkin or two that they really want and they all have a good time running through the pumpkin fields. I can just see them all sitting together at Slender's long ass dining table, every creep making their own pumpkin. I think they would all be set out on the porch, all stacked together and placed wherever anyone wants theirs to be, and if any of them start rotting they'll make another one to replace it. I feel like Toby gets the most excited about carving and painting pumpkins and I can see him decorating at least like 10 of them by the time Halloween rolls around. If he could he'd do more than that but I feel like he tries not to go too overboard.
Then all the talk of who's dressing up for Halloween, and what everyone is going to be going as. I feel like I could see Trender stopping by and literally offering to make everyone's costumes for them like it's a yearly tradition for him to just show up randomly with a fuck ton of supplies, and I can see Jason pitching in and helping too. The two of them just spend their free time customizing everyone's costumes exactly how they want them, talking and chatting over some tea and the piles of fabric in front of them.
I don't know why specifically, but I just get the vibe that fall into winter is the happiest time of the year in the mansion as a whole, not that they don't have spring and summer joyful times, but I just feel like the vibes are so good that everyone is more relaxed. They're all calm and at peace and content, with less fighting, less sadness, just wonderfully calm cool fall times.
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mymarifae · 3 days
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yesterday someone on strawpage asked me what made me go from a dr. ratio hater to a dr. ratio enjoyer and that response took me. four hours . to put together. so you know what i'm going to share my thoughts here too. here's why i like this ⬇️ jackass a lot now!!!!!!!!!!!
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he's a tricky character! the first interactions we get with him are so off-putting and unpleasant that i feel like a lot of people are like "wow, this guy is a self-absorbed dick, i don't respect him at all. can he go away" - i know that was my reaction! and he IS a dick. but like. listen.
it's really, really, REALLY easy to misconstrue 90% of his words and actions. it doesn't help that he has the speech patterns of a haughty asshole. and it alsooooooo doesn't help that aventurine's stunt in penacony required orchestrating a "betrayal" between himself and ratio. i think some of the things ratio said during All That constitutes the bulk of most people's persisting dislike of him. So:
1. everything ratio did and said was exactly what aventurine asked him to. this was all pre-negotiated. i think aventurine's insecurities acting up and the way he started doubting whether ratio was truly just acting threw some people off as well, but there is plentyyyyyy of evidence that no, ratio does not hate him and was not waiting for the perfect opportunity to stab him in the back and rid himself of this "damned gambler" but i'll get more into that in a sec ok? i have another bullet point to make first. and it's important so read it carefully ok? promise?
2. any comments from ratio pertaining to aventurine's race were said to fuel the narrative SUNDAY was building in his head probably from the second he learned which ipc executive would be coming to penacony.
aventurine's plan hinged on sunday's prejudice. he needed sunday to think of him as a liar, a cheat, a silver-tongued honeypot - basically, every avgin stereotype floating around in the universe. he needed to invoke a sense of insult. how could someone so... despicable invade the family's sweet dream? he needed sunday to be so wound up over his presence in penacony that he couldn't resist the urge to put The Vile Avgin back in his place. idk THIS ("this" being the real world parallels of how the catholic church ethnically cleansed the rroma during the 16th and 17th centuries) is a whooooole issue in itself that i don't have the time to go into rn because we're supposed to be talking about dr. ratio. oops
anyway the important thing to understand is that ratio absolutely does not look down upon aventurine's heritage. he was acting, with aventurine's blessing, to feed into sunday's biases. and he wasn't even good at it 😭... like look at this exchange from 2.0:
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one snarky comment from aventurine and his ass is immediately Apologizing. his ass that's supposed to be acting like he doesn't respect or like aventurine At All. in fact, aventurine's "even under the watchful eye of the harmony..." comment feels a liiiiittle pointed lol. it's a subtle warning to ratio! like, "hey, dumbass, did you forget we're being monitored at all times?? knock it off."
and like this isn't even the only time ratio breaks character and puts aventurine's plan in jeopardy. he learns nothing from this interaction because it's worse next time. lmao:
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this stupid fuckignb note. is extremely significant in manyyyy ways so we have to talk about it. first of all, stopping to check on aventurine's condition and to say "tell me if you can't hold on any longer" RIGHT IN FRONT OF SUNDAY (basically, since the family was monitoring everything and a few minutes later we see one of gopher wood's birds hanging out in that general area)?? BRO
if he wanted to, this brief interaction would have been enough for sunday to call their bluff. and aventurine knew that; many of his lines here feel like attempts to redirect ratio into picking the act back up and to stop trying to help him.
next, the stupid fuckignb note's contents. yes yes the second half is very sweet and it's all anyone ever wants to talk about and i understand because it probably meant the world to aventurine especially in that moment but i need you to look at the first half
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ratio gave aventurine the answer..? he. gave him the answer. you might be wondering why this matters at all and i'll just have to redirect you to his actions in 1.6, wherein he notably refused to give any answers and let asta, stelle, and like everyone else on the space station flounder, learn from their floundering, and - ultimately - Grow
ratio is a teacher through and through. if someone isn't one of those "geniuses" he wants nothing to do with, they're a potential student in his eyes. and everything that happened in mundane troubles was the space station's final exam, so to speak. his inaction wasn't out of cruelty or because he didn't care about the fate of all the people on the station - obviously he did, because he was the one using the phase flame to teleport the missing researchers to safety...
he posited himself as a safety net in case things went horribly terribly wrong, but he left most of it up to stelle and asta, because he believed in them. they had all the information they needed; they just needed to figure out how to utilize it. and if they failed, well... they had their safety net, and failure is a learning experience too. like, ratio wants people to learn. he wants them to have all the skills and knowledge they could possibly need to take charge of their lives.
the "geniuses" of the world, the head honchos, the impossibly rich 0.0001%? whatever you want to call them, there's always this Upper Level in society that can do things "ordinary" people can never dream of doing. their way of life is simply unattainable. ratio disagrees. he believes that anyone can do anything, if someone would only take the time to teach them. and he's chosen to be one of those teachers! instead of sitting on his ass and just theorizing about a better, fairer society, he's doing what he can to make a difference.
(not so self-centered after all, huh?)
so like. when you remember how much of a teacher ratio is, like this is a philosophy ingrained in his very bone marrow, it's a pretty big fucking deal that he just GAVE aventurine the answer he needed. it shows how concerned he was! and how guilty he felt about the part he had to play!!!! his words and actions were so far removed from his actual thoughts and feelings that he literally HAD to put the whole operation at risk to remind aventurine that he doesn't view him the same way sunday did, give him a safety net, AND let him know it's there. because at this point he felt that the plan was too risky and he cared too much
like honestly i think he hoped aventurine would read the note before putting on his "performance" and readjust accordingly. but then he didn't <3 and acheron had to remind him that it was still sitting in his pocket <3 if she hadn't said anything about it i don't think he would have opened it adgsmbfdndhfbkjjbg <3 oh i love a mess <3 anyway i think this serves as a suitable refute for the "dr. ratio was racist towards aventurine" sentiment that continues to fly around in some parts of the fandom, so? MOVING ON
i ended up talking about this already, but looking more closely at how ratio looks at the world was a biiiiiig part of why he grew on me So Much. it's all actually really noble and worth admiring. again, he just talks like a dick so it's easy to get confused LMFAO
he never received nous' recognition not just because he "cares too much" (as you'll see some people vaguely claim and then not elaborate), but because he fundamentally disagrees with the ideology that allows the genius society, the path of erudition, and even nous themself to exist.
there's like... a certain "threshold" of intelligence and knowledge that nous operates off of. the unknown, the near-or-actually-impossible to comprehend, things that the average person would never be able to grasp and would never care to try because it's simply beyond them - that's all nous cares about. but ratio doesn't believe this threshold exists. he doesn't believe in knowledge that cannot be taught. just to reiterate: he believes anyone can learn anything if someone teaches them, and they will care if they know someone will be there to teach them.
but if anyone can follow the footsteps of geniuses, then Genius is no longer a superior echelon of society. the end goal the erudition seeks is no longer "beyond the limits of mortal wisdom."
nous rejected ratio because he rejected them - long before he fully understood that he did so.
i think he only ever tried to seek their recognition because it was expected so highly of him. like, he was a prodigy child, absorbing new information and collecting phds at the speed of light. of course every adult around him was like, "oh yeah this kid's a future genius society member" and then they told him this. over and over. and he was like, Okay, so this is the path i'm supposed to embark on, and i must do it and i must succeed (or i'll let them down; i'll be a disappointment, a failure, a waste of resources and all the hopes and dreams everyone's pinned onto me.)
he spent a good few years trying and failing to conform to nous' surprisingly (ironically?) boxed-in mindset. but they ignored him, probably because they predicted that even IF they recognized him while he seemingly ascribed more closely to the erudition's beliefs, he would ultimately wander off and "waste" time trying to nurture the achievements of "mere" mortals instead. and then he had to sit there and be like ok i apparently fucking failed at the one thing i thought i was supposed to do with my life, What Now
and this results in the dr ratio we meet in game. still haughty, still has an attitude problem and a bad temper, still has a tendency to talk down to people (i think though at this point his condescending tone is more of a defense mechanism and a way of isolating himself from others before he is once again rejected from a "part" of society after trying, trying, and then Failing to conform to a box), but! considerably more humble and far more focused on others than himself. he cares, ok. he cares an awful fucking lot. he believes in the good of humanity. humanity's ability to do good, to grow... to find the answers to its problems, implement them, and save itself.
plus, "character that's very admirable and very kind and loving IN THEIR OWN WAY (<- this is important because ratio isn't any of these things in a traditional sense and that's another part of why i've come to like him; it's interesting) but is cursed to just sort of talk like a total jackass forever" is an extremely entertaining concept
one other thing that's less significant than realizing ^^^^^^^ALL OF THAT. GOD .but still played a big part in my warming up to him, is how fond he is of those stupid rubber ducks and the goofy poses his statues are in. and also how his very first introductory cutscene is him playing chess BADLY (😭😭😭😭) against himself. that speaks to a sense of whimsy and playfulness that he doesn't have much of an outlet for. which i find... cute. and an aspect of his character that's a ton of fun to play around with
IN CONCLUSION: i mean he's okay i guess
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dragonsgirl572 · 2 days
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kind of a vent post (please don't report this post. my parents have access to the email this account is on. i have people in my life who can help me. if you don't believe me, then i'm tagging them in the comments. i'm okay. i promise)
this post is just so i can get this off my chest.
I've been thinking about death a lot.
The idea of death is comforting to me for some reason. The idea that someday, this will all end. Is it painful? Is it comforting? I'm so, so tired. Why am I thinking of this? I don't wanna die, not yet anyway.
"Don't think that!" Some would say, "You have so much to live for!" But do I really? I have friends, I have a family, but other than that, I don't have anything. Actually, now that I think of it, so many people would kill to have what I do. But... I can't help up think that.
"You're a burden," my brain supplies me, "They hate you. All of them. No one likes you. They think you're annoying. You talk too loud, you laugh too loud, you're look hideous, you're an embarrassment. Just die." Why do I believe that?
I hate myself. I hate my body, my face, my voice, who I am, I hate it all. Why am I like this? I'm not the child that my parents wanted. They wanted a daughter who was straight. They wanted a daughter who didn't question her gender. They wanted a daughter who listened to whatever they say, not me.
I'm not the person my friends want to be around. They want someone who didn't talk so much, who wasn't loud. One that didn't insult and hit to encourage. They could be friends with anyone in the world, so why me?
I don't want to die. I'm too much of a coward to do it anyway. Everything feels so numb. I hate this. I miss feeling normal. I just wanna be normal again. Why can't I be normal?
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yuri-is-online · 2 days
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Listening to True Crime podcasts and while I know the timescale between Yuu getting sent to the Shadow Realm Earth and Grim starting the Apocalypse in your AYuu is very short, but I couldn't help but think about all the True Crime Podcasts and hot takes about a Yuu in a High Profile Relationship (Vil, Leona, Malleus, Kalim etc) going missing, all the theories and comments and then just Yutu finding them when trying to do research on his parents' relationship. I can't tell if he'd be morbidly fascinated by an outsider's perpsective on what had happened to his parents, or sickened by people talking about this awful moment for content. Especially the gosspiy judgy ones.
I like True Crime podcasts myself but lord there are so many creators that are entering the space and continuing to lower the bar for humanity as a whole. The time scale is short sure, but it's not like that would stop anyone from yapping on social media. I think how they feel would depend on the Yutu?
Malleus! Yutu doesn't like people. He's sort of spared by Briar Valley not being talked about much by outsiders but still. The human consort of one of the most powerful mages in the world goes missing? There's going to be some judgy people saying things, it makes him sick to his stomach to read about. These people don't know his family at all and because of what happened he barely does either. Now that everyone is in the same boat he wonders if they would take back what they said, if they remembered saying it at all.
Leona! Yutu is sort of split between morbid curiosity and disgust. General consensus is that his father was super popular with Magishift fans and certain pockets of the Sunset Savannah but he didn't become a beloved royal figure until after his death. The press around him marrying Yuu is mixed, Yutu is absolutely sitting there with a (≖_≖ ) look on his face reading about people simultaneously shitting on his dad for marrying a commoner while celebrating that he'd never be king. Like... Cheka exists that was never going to happen? And then there's all the stuff screaming about how Yuu ran away from an abusive relationship, or Leona killed them, or aliens are real and kidnapped his parent. I think he likes reading those ones because of how absurd they get while being eerily close to the truth.
Kalim feels like someone who would be known for gushing about his partner. He loves his partner and everyone knows it, when they go missing it's a tragedy. His Yutu probably has the easiest time actually learning things about his parent's relationship. Kalim doesn't mention doing interviews often, but he's the sort to talk readily about the people he loves so while there are some crazy people it's easy enough for him to filter those out and just find his dad talking about how excited he is to be a father and how lucky he is to have Yuu.
Vil. My lovely fairest Vil. I have to start thinking about this for his post and his headcannons but Vil in general seems to have good PR. He isn't as popular as Neige because he lacks the every man/boy next door appeal, but he's still extremely popular. What fucks him over is that he keeps his personal and professional life very separate so when Yuu goes missing people take this as their permission to say everything that has been on their mind ever since he announced he was dating. His Yutu has a really strong will, so he sees those posts and he wants to vomit but he keeps a polite smile and moves on down the line looking for more information. He doesn't find it.
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sugarycloud1 · 2 months
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I miss sleeping. I miss not waking up all the time. I miss being able to fall asleep. I miss being able to sleep in the dark, rather than with the blinds half open cos I panic when it's pitch dark. I miss when eating dinner didn't feel like an accomplishment. I miss when I was able to eat dinner that isn't some crackers, or a sandwich, or anything that required a hob or a kettle. I miss not having to talk myself through a meal and tell myself well done. I miss having a shower not being an effort. I miss not having to tell myself that I'll feel better after and that's what gets me in and out. I miss my flat being tidy. I miss absolutely everything not feeling like an effort. I miss coming home and not bursting into tears and crying all evening. I miss not being overwhelmed at being alone cos it's just me and my dark thoughts. I miss not feeling like absolutely no one gives a shit. I miss not feeling like I'm screaming into a void.
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There are SO many cool interactions and lore things we can look forward to now that Rubius says he'll come back to QSMP (not only as an angel / demon, but potentially as a human too!), but that little detail reminded me of something:
Even though q!Vegetta and q!Rubius were mutually interested in each other wayyyy back in the beginning of the series, as an Angel / Demon, Rubius said he can't have relationships with humans because it's against the rules.
But a bit ago on stream, Rubius said that he's thinking about having a "human" side so he can build and do more things on the server as a regular player. I'm excited because this means he can have more casual interactions with people and we can see him interacting with his friends more (and he can experience The Horrors), but also...
I think we're in for some very interesting drama in the next few weeks.*
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* ( Assuming Rubius doesn't get harassed off the server by toxic shippers and weird fans of the Eggs again. Please be nice to Rubius and welcome him back kindly, he's a very cool guy and his character is SO interesting )
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wayfinderships · 1 month
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I'll be so doomed the day I ever get a girl f/o
#pan rambles#I say doomed in like. a positive way. In a “I'd get way too flustered” way#I haven't really talked about it here because I don't feel like I owe it to people to talk about my attraction and the complexities of it#But I'll talk about it a bit bc I just need to ramble#I'm 99% I'm Aro. At the very least some flavor of it. I don't care about finding a specific label- I've spent many years stressing about it#And I don't really feel like spending even more years stressing about it#Despite being aro- I like the idea of being in a romantic relationship one day#Even if I know it'll probably never happen#Not only am I perfectly content with my QPR rn but also because I don't think most people would be open to the idea of dating an Aro#Which hey! Is completely fair! I know the love I feel is different than what I think most people feel#Though I'd argue that even if it's not exactly the same type- It's still plenty strong.When I love my friends it's a strong feeling#I'd do anything for my friends and I love them so much that I'd literally do anything to see them happy! The love I feel for them is strong#But it's not. Romantic y'know? Augh I'm getting distracted!#Back to my initial point!!! I can't tell if I like girls or not!#I'm not exactly in a safe place irl to try to experiment with those feelings so I've been pushing it aside for so long!#But I think there's definitely a chance I like girls in the same Aro™ way that I like guys!#I'm not gonna try to find a label for it because I don't want to label it but yeah#There's definitely a few crushes and f/os that I've headcanoned as Transfem before#But I've never romantically f/od a girl#Afksnfksnfkskd Ok yeah that's enough of Panchi rambling for tonight!#I just needed to let that out!#Thank you to anyone who listened to my Rambling about Attraction and stuff-
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gender-euphowrya · 4 months
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spell of explode all transphobes Activate
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bylertruther · 2 years
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"will shouldn't use a gun in season five because his father probably taught him how to use one and that could be a bad reminder for him" have you considered that will using what was very likely a Bad experience to save his life in what is undoubtedly an even worse experience could be a good thing? have you considered that him using a skill he was forced to learn to save not only himself but (as is likely more important and meaningful to him) the lives of others could give him a sense of usefulness and safety knowing that he isn't defenseless and can stand his and others' ground if need be? especially considering that's a skill that we've only seen hopper and nancy possess, making it that much more valuable and himself more helpful to the group? after everything in s1 and s2, he's probably felt guilty for having endangered them and dozens of other people multiple times, i don't think it'd be out there for him to feel "happy" that he can finally return the favor and protect them for once (especially after having complained about being babied and treated like a doll).
"will doesn't have and shouldn't have powers because that makes him different and he doesn't want to be different" not only are you wrong lol <3 but how have you not noticed that will's entire thing since the very beginning is that he is different and he knows it and while he does get his heart broken over the fact that this means he faces constant unfairness in life, he still refuses to be any other way? will doesn't conform nor does he ever try to even when others try to force or shame him to. he gets frustrated and upset at being treated differently, yes, but he stays true to himself. to battle that feeling he sometimes gets that tells him he's a mistake, a feeling he gets not from his own otherness but from living in a world that Makes it an otherness and thus isolates him for it, he seeks out that which he loves and enjoys and throws himself wholeheartedly at it. will lives his truth and is willing to suffer the consequences for it. he refuses to live in darkness and let it take a hold of him. he holds on to hope and all that makes him feel better for being different. he holds on to art, to dnd, to video games, to his family and his friends, and everything that brings him joy and reminds him that it's okay to be different. in s1 joyce defends will ("he's missing is what he is") and jonathan tells him he shouldn't like things that other people (namely their homophobic dad) try to force him to like, that he should like what he genuinely likes. in s2 jonathan gives will the freak speech and tells him that no one normal ever accomplished anything and mentions bowie. in s3, he doesn't get a speech, (though joyce does tell him that when he falls in love he won't find it gross [avoiding the word girlfriend and leaving it neutral]) but he does face backlash from someone that IS trying to conform and IS shaming will for not letting go of "childish" things aka his interests, what's important to him, and what he wants. does will back down or shy away in shame? no. instead, he lets mike sit in his shame for having said something that hurtful, and he says "yeah. i guess i did. i really did." clearly this is a conversation about what makes will different aka his sexuality bc he goes and destroys castle byers (the safe place he and his brother built once their homophobic dad left which is a place will can be himself unapologetically) with what is likely a bat that lonnie gave him when trying to get him into baseball. he calls himself stupid and donates his dnd books, but i don't see this as an act of conformity (he tells mike as much, suggesting he'll just use his books + if he was ashamed he wouldn't have painted the party as their dnd characters and given it to him of all people lol). he felt stupid because he thought they'd always be crazy together, that they were of the same mind and heart still, and that they had the same brand of "otherness" if you catch my drift. then in s4 we get jonathan's tender "you're my brother and there is nothing absolutely nothing that will ever change that" which is the most direct anyone has ever been about that which makes will different. and he doesn't shy away from it! he doesn't deny it, because we can see from his confession and how he breaks down that he's desperately been wanting and needing to hear that. he accepts that love and allows himself to be held and seen by someone else, as he has every other time. because will doesn't hate being different, he just hates that he has to live in a world where that's seen as wrong and thus makes him feel like he doesn't belong because of it. but he doesn't change himself. he doesn't feel ashamed of it. he doesn't see it as a flaw in himself or others and he never has. will is different and he knows it and he wouldn't have it any other way.
will's story since the beginning has been about being different and going through awful things, and managing to not only find the light in it but also make it out stronger because of it all. it's always been about using what makes him different as a good thing and as something he uses to save himself and others.
will being good with a gun bought him time with whatever kidnapped him. will knowing how to run and hide kept him alive in the upside down. will acted as a spy while possessed and managed not only to save hopper but also tell them how to finish this. will's experiences and senses helped them figure out what was happening in season three. will's love and loyalty inspires mike and manages to bring him to a better place even if just for a moment in the van, and again he's the one that knows vecna's current state, aaaand had he been in hawkins at the time it likely would've gone a lot better because as dustin said "we need will".
taking something awful and turning it into a good thing and a source of strength is a wonderful trope. it's inspiring and empowering not only for the character but for those that could use that hope and reminder that there's always a silver lining, that life isn't all darkness and shadows and hurt. not only that, but it's something that they've literally always done for will since the very beginning. he is the prime character for that. his entire message has always been that it's okay to be different and that you can find strength and peace in that; that the things that make you different aren't a detriment, they're precisely what make you strong. like... i'm sorry, but have you not been paying attention at all whatsoever this entire time or... :/
#some of u heard 'sometimes it makes you feel like a mistake' and just forgot every other season ever it seems like#but idk maybe IM the outlier here lmao#characters like mike steve and eleven i can see the conformity argument for#BUT WILL?!?!?!?#will who has always drawn and listened to his music and wanted to hang out with his friends and play dnd and who#gets made fun of for so many things even by those that mean the world to him but has never ONCE tried to change#anything about who he is over that..... THAT'S who you think thinks being different is a bad thing!?!?!#will who has never lied about being a loner or what he likes or what he wants in life or has dressed like other people want him to#will who specifically has received multiple It's Okay To Be Different speeches and came out of them believing them is the character#that you think hates being different? will who loves mike's nerdy self and thinks the absolute world of him and TELLS HIM AS MUCH AND#CONFESSES HIS GAY LOVE TO DESPITE THE SUMMER OF HOMOPHOBIA AND THE AIRPORT FIASCO AND THAT DREW A#FUCKING HEART ON HIS SHIELD UNABASHEDLY AND CONFESSED IN FRONT OF TWO OTHER PEOPLE TOO ON TOP OF THAT#IN THE EIGHTIES!!!!!!! TO MIKE!!!! WHO COULDNT TOUCH HIM AND HAS A CONSERVATIVE FAMILY AND DIDNT TALK TO HIM FOR A YEAR#IS WHO YOU THINK HATES BEING DIFFERENT . HELLO#literally everything that he goes through is turned into something 'good' because that's the POINT!!!!#HE DOESN'T WANT TO BE NORMAL!!! HE IS NOT THE CHARACTER U SHOULD BE MAKING THOSE ARGUMENTS FOR LMAO#jus say u don't want him to have powers bro don't be lying on my blorbito's name like that 😭😭😭😭😭#anyway. crazed frenzy is over im normal now <3#u kno how the long and all too passionate bordering on Is This Bitch Okay mobile posts go#back to being offline now byeeeee 🏃‍♀️
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outlying-hyppocrate · 10 days
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sometimes i think about killing myself just so my family will be free of the burden that is me and finally leave the country.
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scribblingface · 13 days
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I went into bg3 fully ready to have a good time and have done so despite many ways in which the game is not good and have not worried too much over various dramas about patch changes but my chill streak has finally ended and I am wailing gnashing my teeth etc. about patch 7 (the supposedly final one with story/content changes) not adding companion reactivity for any of the durge content in act 2
#gotta regain my chill about this. it doesn't change the good version of bg3 that exists in my head#but like. durge is literally the protagonist character. and a huge chunk of story is just bizarrely missing from act two#all the baddies recognize you and no one reacts#warden says you were an important guest no one reacts#kressa says she had a great time torturing you for weeks no one reacts#and it's so misaligned with companion reactivity for everything else. like#I am one of those players who goes around the camp circle talking to every single companion after anything even mildly important happens#to hear the couple of lines of dialogue they have about it#because they've got a couple of lines of dialogue about every plot development and significant moment in other companion storylines!#but they don't have a single word for enormous central plotline revelations about the player character#it makes the act 3 reactions bizarre too because everyone's shocked by what gortash says and it's like#literally everyone in moonrise was like 'oh hey it's you again' what did you THINK 😭#a lot of people complain about the resist!durge final scene after killing orin being lackluster#and yeah sure I feel it's lacking in a few ways but like. at least it exists.#a cutscene does play and afterwards the companions do react. ymmv on whether those reactions are impactful or fitting#but they do--crucially--exist#whereas in act 2 there is straight up nothing#when people say right in front of the companions 'hello fellow villain fancy seeing you back here again'#there is not even so much as a 'dude are you okay' after kressa talks about keeping durge prisoner and torturing them#okay okay it's fine I'm getting it out of my system I'm gonna be normal about this again#the companions had reactions in the good version that exists in my head 😔#scribblingface plays bg3#okay actually also like larian has made so many changes based on fans complaining a lot about something#often changes that made the complaining people happy but pissed off everyone who already liked the current version#not weighing in on the merit of various specifics but it has struck me as a sometimes odd and unwise degree of#listening to what the players want. like just tell your story and accept that some parts won't please everyone#but THIS THING is universally agreed on by every durge player#because it's not something 'wrong' it's something completely absent that should have been there in order to align with the rest of the game#and yet. we don't get this change in the final update.
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non-un-topo · 1 year
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Talking to my sister can be one of the most aggravating experiences
#just allowing myself a few moments of self-pity today#because i'm a little overstimulated/sick of people talking AT me#i have begun to notice that i'm never asked anything... not a single thing. no questions about my life or interests or how school is going#no questions about my partner or our anniversary and no acknowledgement of the big haircut i just got#no questions about my BIL's wedding. none about my health.#every day it's just people talking AT me. kind of tired at the moment...#and this is made worse by my sister's holier-than-thou attitude about literally the smallest and most insignificant things#like washing clothes? and cooking rice?? idk she talks like a housewife now.#and i get to listen to her complain about her 35 year old boyfriend and not say ONE kind thing for 2 hours straight#not a single question for me. not a single nice thing. and i'm talked over constantly#it's not like i don't raise my voice or speak my mind lol#it's just that. between my family and my partner's family. it feels like no one knows just how smart i am and how much fun i can be.#my partner is perfect in so many ways. my best friend and the kindest and most compassionate person i know.#but i really could brag and boast like my sister does over absolutely nothing. because i have actual achievements. but i don't#because who does that lol. fucking annoying and rude people.#maybe my family just thinks i'm okay and so they never ask me anything or call me. ever.#but see.... i don't talk to them because i want advice or help or money. i talk to them because they're my family#and i would very much like to feel cherished and loved by them#/ end angst and self-pity boo hoo
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cookiecomics · 9 months
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selvepnea · 10 months
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Been thinking about my body a lot
#Sel talks#Listened through Fat Talk by Virginia Sole-Smith which talked a lot about how bodies are tools#And the way she talked about how thin-ness shouldn't be something we strive for#And I can't help but draw parallels between my own desire to go on t? I don't know. Been having too many thoughts stewing#I keep coming back to isabeau's line of “maybe it was easier to change into someone I could love than to learn how to love how I was”#And I had drawn both hrt and diet culture back into this; but. Neither of them are from self love?#It's. Idk; a friction? On how you perceive yourself and how the world perceives you?#Or. Idk idk. It's hard to articulate now that I'm trying to get it down#If I remember right; one of the messages of fat talk was how bodies should be for function first and foremost; and should hardly-if ever-#Considered for aesthetic. And yes- trying to loose weight is one of the most damaging aesthetic changes you can do-#Idk! I feel like I'm looking too far into it#Something something you're not happy with how your body looks/is perceived so you want to change it#Whether that's influenced by society; loved ones; or something biological; it's still a desire to change your body#Although one is vastly more accepted than the other#Trying to become thin is trying to make yourself more comfortable in a vastly fatphobic world; to placate the people think they have say#Over your body; make yourself more palettable to the world around you.#Which I guess is an important distinction#Becoming the person you want to be even through everyone telling you that it's wrong or disgusting#But a part of me can't help but think a part of the reason I want to do hrt might have something to do with our male centric society?#I'm too tired to elaborate any further but I feel less busy now that I have it out
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