#they like love each other and can't live without each other

[depresssant]

Shades of Cool

NEGLECTFUL!PLATONIC!YAN!batfam x GN!reader

synopsis : growing up with a shit mom and constant step-dads and mom's boyfriends, your view on life has grown pretty bleak. you just want to die, since it doesn't seem to get better than this. things can't get any worse, can they?

wsp guys. it's been pretty long, huh?... OK IM SORRY FOR NOT POSTING IT QUICKLY. here, damn 🙄. anyways, i hope yall enjoy n im glad u guys liked the first chapter. lets just hope this one lives up to yalls expectations 😭. follow me and repost this if u want a chapter three. also I NEED SOMEONE TO EDUCATE ME ABOUT SUNDAY FROM HSR BC I WANNA WRITE FICS ABOUT HIM SO BAD SO PLS SOMEONE EDUCATE ME N ALSO IF U KNOW LOVE AND DEEP SPACE??? PLS HIT ME UP AND EXPLAIN THIS LORE BC I WANNA WRITE YANDERE FICS FOR THEM SO BAD

“Why are balls called balls when testicles sounds hella fancier?”

At your friend’s bizarre question, the face of your other friend, Zarian, twinges in disgust. “Jayelene… why do you feel the need to put that out there?”

You huff in amusement, focusing on your pizza before what Jaylene says ruins your entire mood.

“I’m just saying! Testicles just seems more appropriate⏤the type of fancy shit drake and his family would say.”

Tim Drake Wayne…

Dinner with him and his freak-a-zoid family was like trying to make it past no-man’s land without any help to shield you from the straight up chilling vibes they gave off with their constant comments about bat facts. Bats. The atmosphere during the entire time you spent there was dreadful and quite literally heavy since Tim's youngest little brother wanted to sneak stares at you as if you wouldn’t notice his bug-looking eyes creeping into your soul.

Rich people really are weird, huh?

The Wayne family is nothing like how you expected them to be. They’re supposed to be cold, mysterious, and irresistibly enchanting, but all you’ve got are creepy vibes and a strong urge to stay away from them as much as possible. From the way Mr. Wayne made that weird comment about your father in the limo to how forcibly happy Richard or “Dick” was with you, you’ve come to an understanding that rich people are complete lunatics.

The Wayne family is full of a bunch of lunatics.

And you’re not afraid to voice that.

“There you go again,” Jaylene sighs when she notices the irritated expression on your face. “It’s never that serious, [Name]. You just hate everyone.”

“No, you don't get it! They were creepy as hell! Like… Like bats in dark caves coming at you all at once. They talk funny, they look funny⏤they act funny! What normal man name drops your mother’s name after knowing each other for about thirty minutes?”

Zarian huffs in amusement. “That’s the creepy part. How does Mr. Wayne know your name?”

“I dont know.” You run your fingers through your hair and lean back against the booth seat. “I don't want anything to do with them. Billionaire or not, how the hell does he know my mother’s name.”

It was perhaps towards the end of your stay at the Wayne’s manor for dinner, and you knew you had to go home, so you had largely hinted at leaving to Drake. Everything had gotten wrapped up, but when you were just about to leave, Mr. Wayne had told you, “make sure to tell [M/n] I said hi.”

You could only stare at him in shock as your body carried along, because how does a man as famous and wealthy as bruce wayne know your mother⏤your mother? He’s the chief executive officer of Wayne Enterprises yet mentions your mother?

That moment alone is enough to wave every red flag in your brain that screams at you, telling you something is up with these shady people. The only question is what? What can a billionaire possibly want from you? Out of everything the world has to offer, the most influential billionaire in America wants to target some meager high school kid?

What do these people want from you? Is it a rich people thing to play around with those below you? Well, you guess it probably is. Like, is Mr. Wayne gonna pop out with his soulless eyes and say, ‘you’re my long lost child?’ or something?

You still don’t know why you’re being a goat stuffed before slaughtering. These people want something from you, but you? You’ve got nothing to offer that they could want. Why the hell do they even bother? If there's one thing you really hate, it’s being left in the dark like this. Not knowing is terrifying. It's dangerous. Not knowing means not being prepared, and if you’re not prepared, you won’t make it out. Damn it, you should’ve booked it the moment Mr. Wayne mentioned your father in the limo. Movies and shows always display rich people as eccentric and psychopathic weirdos, and now you’re finally believing it.

Damn it.

You’re in danger. Okay.

Maybe that’s an exaggeration. But maybe it’s not.

You’ve watched enough true crime and have enough intuition and trust in your gut to know when something is wrong.

It’s not adding up.

You’re not dumb. You see all the warnings there, but what if you're exaggerating. What if this is just the nature of the Waynes, and you think you’re special enough to be noticed by them? Mr. Wayne is a damn billionaire! He’s got the money to do whatever he wants, so it’s only natural for him to do a background check on everybody that interacts with his sons, right?

It’s all in your head… It’s all in your head.

Sighing, you stare at the plate of food in front of you, appetite long gone. Still, you grab a fork and continue to eat as Zarian and Jaylene scream back and forth next to you. Drake, who had accompanied the three of you to the diner after practice, has left, thankfully. He left as soon as his food arrived while talking about some family emergency, and honestly, you’re pretty damn grateful for that.

Ever since dinner at his house, he’s surrounded you like a pillow smothering you, and you can’t do anything about it. He’s a billionaire’s son, for fuck’s sake.

It doesn’t take long for you and your friends to finish up, and you all part ways at the door of the diner before you clutch the straps of your backpack and walk around the city endlessly. This is a habit for you now⏤a way to put off going home as much as possible ever since you found out your mother’s boyfriend doesn’t come home until one or two in the morning.

That balding, ugly, sleazy piece of shit.

He’s as gross as every other man your mother’s brought home under the terribly veiled illusion that he’ll provide her a good life and treat her right. No matter how many times you try to tell that blind bitc… No. It's wrong. It’s not your mother’s fault.

But it sometimes feels like that, though.

Most mother’s destroy their own lives for their children, yet yours cannot even think about leaving the man that beats her child on a daily. Those types of mothers leave their spouses the second they see something wrong, while your mother treats those finger-print bruises around your neck like a necklace instead of abuse.

You’ve given up on her. You gave up on her back when you were eleven years old locked in a room with her boyfriend, and she didn’t listen. Or when you were twelve. Or thirteen. Or fourteen. Or fifteen. Or sixteen. Or seventeen. And now eighteen.

And each day feels like a repetition of the same. Wake up, go to school, practice, walk around, go home, get beat, and sleep like none of it all happens. It’s a routine you despise with every fiber of your being⏤makes you wanna jump over Gotham City Bridge before thinking about returning home because who would want to? Who wants this average life?

A life where you’re not happy enough, not sad enough. Not good enough, not bad enough. Not energized enough, not tired enough. You feel like a survivor of a plane crash floating on a raft at the center of the endless ocean with no way out. Everything just seems so vast, wide, and unreachable. How can you find the shore on a simple raft? How can you find a way out of inescapable misery if it’s not by drowning?

You’ve been waiting to find the shore, but it’s been a whole eighteen years since you’ve found yourself floating along the ocean.

That whole “it’ll get better” shit is a tragic lie.

Whatever.

It doesn’t matter⏤not anymore, at least. You’re going to get far away from this place and never look back. Never have to relieve this wretched city. Never have to be confined by chains again. You’ve only a few months left before you’re free.

Until then, you’ll have to be patient and go home because the sun has fully disappeared.

Nothing but satellites twinkle in the disgustingly polluted sky of Gotham City, and the streets have come to a staggering halt as you stroll about the sidewalks, trying to find the longest path to get home. One in the morning is always the perfect time in Gotham because it’s too late and too early to be outside, so it’s generally safe for a walk.

Of course, the universe likes to prove you wrong at every point.

The sound of a thud followed by a pained groan behind you has your legs locked and ready to run with your brain screaming alerts, but you take a deep breath and turn around. How bad can it get, anyways? The sight before you surprised you nonetheless. It’s… Nightwing, a Bludhaven hero, here in Gotham, just randomly popping up behind you?

With clear bleeding cuts and sprouting bruises across his body.

In the random alley you just happen to be in?

No. You’re looking into it too much.

His eyes lock onto and they make you freeze right then and there like he’s cast some spell upon you. But that’s for a cold, brief second before you’re hooking your thumbs under the straps of your backpacks and turning around hot on your heels, refusing to spare him a single second. 

You even hear him murmur a strained, “wait,” but you don't care. 

It’s rude, mean, cruel, and it’s also none of your business. All you simply do is walk ahead to your approaching doom with an pit of unease and bitter understanding of your helplessness in your stomach. You can already feel the soon-to-be new bruises blooming along your back.

You’re not a good person.

But, really, who is?

Smoking really does skill.

But now you know why people do it.

Each drag is more out of necessity than it is a choice ever since you’ve met your friend’s plug at the dumb age of sixteen, but it's a way to dull the harsh truth of reality. The world just fades into nothing but muted and mixed colors like the loud city underneath your balcony it blurs into a faint hum the longer you stare at the spiral puffs of smoke that disappear into the air. 

Everything’s bitter⏤the joint and you.

Really bitter at the blood semi-dried on your face and the dull ache along your back.

You’ve got about an hour and a half until you have to head out to school, so what other way is there to spend it than smoking away your brain? The joint’s a temporary escape, but it helps you stall whatever new feeling of despair you’ll feel for the day. Until you’re interrupted by your phone buzzing⏤the sound still a dull hum in your ears

“... Hello?”

“[Name]!”

Zarian’s voice?

“Where the hell are you? Hurry up and get to school or else you’re gonna get in trouble for not helping to set up the club fair, and coach will be on our ass! And don't forget to bring money for the tickets!”

Coach?... Club fair?... Club fair! Holy shit!

Your eyes shoot open, and you frantically scramble up, tossing the joint over the balcony railing before hectically staggering through the living room like a drunk man. Damn it, how could you be so clueless and forget such an important event? Especially one you need money for! Damn it⏤damnit! What do you do?

… Mom! She’s got a box of money somewhere in her closet, right? You’ve seen it before! It's just twenty dollars, and she wont notice. Okay… Okay. You’re quick to get ready. You wash away all the blood that’s dried on your face, brush your teeth, and change into baggy jeans and a clean shirt before storming into your mother’s bedroom and rummaging through her things. 

She’s off at work. Her bastard boyfriend doesn't come home until late at night, which means he’s probably already taken money for the day. Okay. That's fine. They won't notice.

But you can't find anything! What the hell? Where is that fucking box? You could’ve sworn it was there on the top shelf last night, but as you swipe your hands across everything on the shelf, you can’t find it. All of a sudden, something made of wood hits the top of your head and falls to the ground with a crack. You hiss, palm moving to cover where you got hit, but your eyes land on the box that now has money strewn all across the floor and a broken… false bottom?

What the fuck.

You pull away at the rest of the false bottom to only be met with countless photos of you as a child with your mother. Mom’s shit boyfriend had all the family photos taken down for some weird reason, so they’ve been here this entire time? All of these photos are full of you throughout every stage of your life, but some have different people in them as well. Their faces are either scratched out or they’re ripped out of the photo entirely.

From what you can gather, the figures are a man and what seems to be a teenage boy. The absurdity and even slight creepiness of the scratched out faces has you laughing, yet even with your now dulled senses, your eyes land on a photo you failed to notice earlier. Maybe you’re hallucinating. There must be something wrong with your brain. Or your eyes. The universe must be playing with you because is that a photo of you and a teenage-looking dick grayson?

Your eyes widen because it looks just like the strange man you had the unfortunate opportunity of having a conversation with during dinner with the Waynes. It’s him! More importantly, why the hell is he holding a ‘three year old’ you’s hand? You probably should be screaming. Yelling. Maybe panicking? But all you can do is shuffle through the rest of the box before your fingers graze against something metal that has your heart jumping.

It’s a small camera.

With a bat engraved on its side.

Ears ringing so loudly in your head you can't even think, you wipe your teary and red eyes hastily before grabbing a twenty dollar bill, putting everything except for the photo and camera in the box, set it back on the closet shelf, and hastily grab your backpack before making way to school.

The second you reach the damned place, you seek out your now three friends and drop into a seat with a heavy thud, sighing and meeting Tim's eyes with a burning gaze.

“You mean to tell me [Name] found the camera? And you decided to tell me after school?”

Time Drake Wayne sighs and runs his fingers through his black hair, shrugging apathetically while scrolling through every photo in his phone that he’s taken of you during the club fair. His brother, Richard, is pacing throughout his room anxiously as he rambles off about their latest fuckup. 

“Look, Bruce doesn't let any slip ups happen,” Tim murmurs in exasperation. “He wouldn't let this happen because [Name]’s mom and him talked this morning. Relax, he probably knows.”

It's not a lot, but it’s enough to calm Richard down. The man takes a deep breath but finds himself sitting down next to Tim, trying to get a good look at the pictures. “How mad was [Name]?”

“High, for starters, but clearly pissed off. Very observant, too.”

“Don’t tell anyone else. Not until Bruce gives us the okay.”

TAGLIST :

@ilovemyhusbandnanami (so real), @missikkj, @ferakillia, @darlinqvi, @soriansick, @sleepydhanie, @h0rr0r-10ver-69 (love ur blog aesthetic bae), @anuttellaa (OK WINX 😽), @feral-childs-word (love the pfp), @shycreatorreview, @friesandfixations, @stuff6969fuckyou, @babiebubsie, @jsprien213, @cattioo, @cherrydaisymanic (cheetah?leopard? printttt 😍), @00hellohello00, @princessloveweird, @amber-content, @idonthaveanameforthisacc, @f1lover4ever, @dreamsarenicer, @imaginarydreams, @solkara (love the calm aesthetic), @bobfood, @toast-on-dandelioms, @ijustfuckme, @cantfindmelol, @xx1shadow1xx, @azulawayne, @box-of-kinderjoy, @iamaunknownsecret, @missybabes, @phoenixgurl030, @couldeatthatgirlforlunch, @devils-blackrose, @arevvv, @freakthis, @yourhornysister, @kirahhhh, @perfectparadisegardener, @testishere, @spaceunicorn293, @vanilliona (love the pfpp), @uknowimdumb, @esposadomd, @dakotali, @lilyalone, @kore-of-the-underworld, @pix-stuff, @hellcatsworld, @chericia, @mspoisoncoil (love the bannnnerrr) , @devotedlyshamelessdetective, @cheeseburgercasserole (love the aesthetic), @twismare

so follow me n repost if u want part lll. and somebody pls explain hsr and love and deepspace lore to me. making a taglistttttt. if this post doesnt get as many likes as the first one, im deleting this series 😭. if u see a grammatical mistake, no u didnt 😃🔪

if anybody’s got requests about this series or in general, feel free to ask!!!

WAIT!! FOLLOW MY WATTPAD ACCOUNT : @depresssant. I JUS PUBLISHED A HISTORICAL YANDERE X READER STORY

[hollyoongs]

I can't feel my face when I'm with you But I love it, but I love it, oh. (the weeknd - can't feel my face)

ᨓ 。lee heeseung x fem reader ꒰🎂꒱﹕pure smut with little plot ﹕tbc

contains: mean dom!heeseung, sexting (brief moment and a mention of it later, reader is in bold and Heeseung in italic), oral (both), p in v sex (reader is on the pill but wrap it before you tap it), use of sexual toys (anal butt plug, dildo and vibrator), anal, squirting (Hee just loves it), lots ass spanking, multiple orgasms, petnames (cockslut, bitch, cumslut and more), choking, deepthroath, dick slapping, cum eating, voice audio recording, double penetration, daddy kink and let me know if I missed anything. ┈─★

synopsis: Heeseung just wanted to get his face numb between your thights and show you some manners after sending him a picture of what he will get when he arrives to your place.

Today marked a significant milestone for you, six other guys, and millions of fans. Heeseung was turning the so afraid 23 years old, and everyone was planning something for your boyfriend, including you. You'd helped the staff set up his Weverse live, and a small after-party would follow at the building afterward.

But you had your own surprise waiting at home. After six long months apart, not seeing or touching each other had been pure torture. The moment Heeseung landed back in Korea, all you wanted was to run into his arms, but the staff had kept you apart, saving the reunion for later. It was hell—a living one.

Still, that didn't stop you from teasing him.

You took advantage of him not seeing you at all while helping the staff, sneaking around corners and staying hidden as he tried to find you. After everything was ready, you quickly left, thanking the staff and leaving a small gift with a note saying it was from you, but the packaging of it was screaming it was you in a subtle way you and him knew.

You arrived home, letting yourself relax before decorating your bedroom. You had everything planned, and it had to be perfect, from start to finish. Your phone vibrated three times, pulling you from your thoughts. A smile spread across your lips when Heeseung’s name lit up your screen.

"I saw what you did to the office and the lobby, I’m so lucky to be yours."

"I love you, baby, thank you."

"I’m going to start my live, I missed you so much. Hope you can watch it, love."

With a smirk, you turned on your tablet and went straight to the app, catching the live just as it started. There he was, looking as handsome as ever, greeting his fans with that soft voice you’d missed so much. It was the time to start the plan, and you knew you would get in trouble, but everything had a purpose, and it was a small payback of what he used to do when you were at your university having classes. Your playful side was screaming. You had been apart for too long, and now it was time to make things interesting.

Leaning back on your couch, you slowly took off your shirt, leaving yourself in just your black bra. You snapped a picture of yourself lounging, the tablet resting on your chest like you were hugging him.

"Anything for my birthday boy. Looking good, baby."

Without giving yourself time to second-guess it, you hit send, your heart racing. Sure, you have taken suggestive pictures of yourself, but it was your first time sending a nude to your boyfriend. You watched the live as the message appeared on his phone. His eyes widened for a split second, a slight pause in his speech before a smirk curled on his lips.

“Wow, ENGENE are arriving fast to the live. We’ll start in a few minutes,” he said, glancing down at the cake in front of him as if nothing was out of the ordinary.

Your phone buzzed again, and you already knew who it was.

"Honey, what the fuck are you doing?"

"Giving you small preview of my birthday surprise."

"Angel, don't do it."

"I will, baby. P.S: Hope you like my gift (say it comes from one of the members.)"

You saw the screen where the live can be watched, and you saw how he moved in his chair.

“Okay, okay, let’s get started,” he said, his voice smooth as he addressed the fans. “We’ve got a lot planned for today, so thank you for tuning in." then the live continued smoothly; you even saw yourself being captivated by how he interacted with fans. You decide to let him breathe for a moment to continue with the decoration. Rose petals were laying on the bed and floor. You positioned some unlit candles around the room, and now you were looking for your Victoria Secret robe, on that Heeseung bought for your birthday with some lingerie.

"Now, I would like to open the gifts from my members," you could hear in the distance, and you left everything to go watch again. He was opening all the boxes until he came to yours, a big box wrapped with golden paper that had a sign that said "careful.". "This is from Jake."

Heeseung’s eyes widened in genuine surprise as he pulled the new gaming equipment from the box, his fingers tracing the edges of the gear he’d been wanting for months. He chuckled softly, looking down at the hidden post-it note that only he could see. His heart swelled with warmth, knowing just how much thought and effort you’d put into this gift. It wasn’t just the equipment itself but the fact that you understood him, knew exactly what he wanted, and worked so hard to get it for him.

“This is amazing, Jake,” he said, laughing as he played along with the cover story. “You really outdid yourself. I’m going to use this every chance I get.” He flashed his signature playful grin toward the camera, but his thoughts were elsewhere. He was thinking about you—the person behind the gift, the person who always knew how to make him feel special.

Your heart is fluttering at his reaction. You knew Heeseung well enough to catch the subtle emotions behind all of his smiles. He was touched, and even though he couldn’t say it out loud during the live, you felt the connection between you two stronger than ever.

"You liked it, baby?"

Heeseung’s phone buzzed again, and though he was still live, he discreetly glanced at it while the camera focused on the other gifts. He quickly grabbed his phone, excusing himself to the viewers, saying it was his brother texting him while being live.

"I love it. But I love you more."

Your heart skipped a beat as you read his message. Heeseung will always find a way to make you feel like you were the only one who mattered. You smirked, fingers moving fast on the keyboard.

"You better. There’s more where that came from, but it’s waiting for you here."

"I can’t wait, angel. What else do you have planned?"

You then decided to be a little more suggestive; you ran to your closet, a hidden box you had for your little toys that you used when Heeseung was gone. You put the dildo in the middle of your breasts, still covered with the bra, and your tongue sticks out in an action to lick the tip of it. You snapped a picture and pressed "Send" after checking it.

"What do you think? Everything for my birthday boy."

You looked back to the screen, and you let out a chuckle. This time, his eyes went wide; he was trying so hard to not send everything to hell and ran to fuck the living hell out of you; you just knew it. He suspended his phone and saw the staff's hand being extended, giving his phone to the staff, but Heeseung looked at the camera, his eyes looking deeply at the camera and keeping up with the live.

The moment the staff took his phone, you grinned to yourself. Heeseung couldn’t respond, but you didn’t need his words to know what was going through his mind. You’d pushed him to the edge, and now all that was left was to wait for him to come to you.

Your heart raced as you watched Heeseung struggle to maintain his composure. He was barely holding it together, and you knew that once he was free from the live and the afterparty, he’d be all yours.

You returned to your preparations, adding the final touches to your room. The soft flicker of candlelight cast a warm glow over the rose petals that trailed from the doorway to the bed. You adjusted the sheer Victoria’s Secret robe on your body that Heeseung had bought you, making sure it hung perfectly over your shoulders, revealing just enough of the navy blue lace lingerie underneath. Your body hummed with excitement, counting every minute that passed by.

Your phone buzzed again, but this time it wasn’t a message—it was a notification that Heeseung had wrapped up his life. You smiled, knowing that meant he’d be heading to the afterparty soon.

"Have fun at the afterparty, baby. Don’t keep me waiting too long."

Heeseung didn’t have his phone, so you didn’t expect a response, but you knew the moment he was able to check his messages, he’d see it. You paced around your room; you wanted everything to be perfect, despite the fact that you two will forget everything after falling into the bed sheets.

Minutes felt like hours as you waited, your heart pounding louder with each passing moment, and, you had to admit, your mind was creating several scenarios, making your entrance wet. You could feel how your pants were sticking and how your body temperature got higher, like you were having a fever.

Your fingers barely grazed your entrance, but the heat radiating from your core made your knees weak. The moan that slipped from your lips was soft at first, but the sensation was too overwhelming to contain. You bit your lip, eyes fluttering shut as you pressed your fingers harder against the soaked fabric of your pants, trying to relieve some of the pressure building inside you.

You couldn’t help but picture Heeseung’s hands on you instead, his lips trailing over your skin as he took control of your body, just like he always did. The mere thought of it was enough for you to make you smile in delight. Your breathing became shallow as you pushed your pants aside, your fingers slipping easily through your wet folds. The friction sent a jolt of pleasure up your spine, and another moan escaped you, louder this time.

Your head fell back as you teased yourself, your mind lost in fantasies of what Heeseung would do when he finally got his hands on you. Your hips bucked against your fingers, desperate for more, but no matter how much you tried, it wasn’t enough. Only Heeseung could make you feel the way you needed.

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, you heard the faint sound of footsteps approaching the door of your apartment. Your breath caught in your throat, and you straightened up, adjusting your robe and pants one last time as the doorknob turned.

The door creaked open slowly, revealing Heeseung standing in the doorway, his sharp features illuminated by the soft candlelight. As you got closer, you could see his eyes with a layer of desire, locking onto you immediately. He stepped inside, shutting the door behind him with a controlled force that made your heart race. His posture was tense, his jaw clenched, and there was something dangerous in his gaze—and you were so ready for it, for him.

"Angel," he muttered, his voice low and dripping with authority as he took a step toward you, removing his coat in the process. His eyes roamed over your figure, taking in every inch of your exposed skin under the lace lingerie and sheer robe. "Fuck, you look like a dream."

Heeseung's intense gaze never left you as he stepped closer, tossing his coat onto a chair without a second thought. His presence was overwhelming to the point that you could even feel it a mile away. Your heart was pounding in your chest as his eyes devoured you, lingering on your barely concealed skin.

His hand wrapped tightly around your waist as he yanked you close, making you gasp and your tremble a little with your balance, which made you put your hands on his shoulders. His lips curled into a wicked smirk as he leaned down, his breath hot against your ear.

"You almost get me in trouble," he whispered, his voice dark and commanding. "Sending me those pictures while I was in front of millions… What was your intention on it?"

His hand moved up to your chin, forcing you to look directly into his eyes. You could feel the power he held over you in that moment, and that made you smile.

“I hope you’re ready to pay for that,” he murmured, his tone darkening as his grip tightened. “Think you can play games with me? Let's see if you can handle the consequences.”

Before you could even react, Heeseung’s lips collided with yours in a heated, bruising kiss that made your knees weak. His grip on your thighs tightened as he hoisted you up, your legs instinctively wrapping around his waist as he pressed you against the wall. Your head was spinning, and you could feel your body buzzing with his touch.

His tongue dominated yours, the kiss desperate and filled with the frustration of the time you had spent apart. His hands gripped your ass tightly as he carried you effortlessly into the bedroom, kicking the door shut behind him. He separated from the kiss and saw all the decoration that was happening in the bedroom.

Heeseung’s eyes flickered as he took in the soft glow of the candles and the delicate trail of rose petals leading to the bed and some other things you put. His grip on your waist tightened, his chest rising and falling with his heavy breaths as he looked around the room and then back at you.

"You went all out for me, didn’t you?" His voice was low and teasing, sending shivers down your spine. "Thought you could butter me up after teasing me all day?"

His eyes darkened with lust as he leaned down, brushing his lips against the shell of your ear. "Too bad it won’t save you from what’s coming, baby."

Before you could respond, he spun you around, pressing you against the wall once again. His body pressed against yours, his lips grazing the back of your neck as he whispered, "You want to know if I like it? I love it. But that doesn’t mean I’m going to take it easy on you."

He pushed you back against the bed, his hand gripping your wrist as he held you down, his other hand sliding the sheer robe off your shoulders, exposing the delicate lingerie underneath. He hovered above you, his gaze burning with intensity.

"So pretty for me," he growled, his fingers tracing along the lace, teasingly close but never touching you where you needed him most. "And so needy, did you really miss me that much?."

His grip tightened on your wrist as his other hand finally slipped beneath the lace, his fingers brushing against your heated skin. But instead of giving you what you wanted, he pulled back, making you whimper in frustration. Heeseung smirked, clearly enjoying how worked up you were already.

"Heeseung, please." You plead, and he just smiled.

"You don’t get to make demands, angel. Not after what you pulled today," he said, his voice dripping with authority. "You’re going to take what I give you. Do you understand?"

You nodded, your body trembling and your entrance getting wetter by the second, but that wasn’t enough for him. His hand tightened around your wrist as he leaned down, his lips brushing against your ear. "Use your words."

"Yes," you stammered, barely able to breathe under the weight of his dominance.

"Good girl." Heeseung’s smirk widened as he released your wrist, trailing his hand down your body, making you shiver under his touch. "Now, let’s see how well you behave when I’m done with you."

What followed was a blur of sensations—his hands on your body, his lips claiming yours, and the overwhelming intensity of his dominance—that dominance you missed so badly.

His lips and yours collided in a passionate dance, humming at the sensation of finally, after months, being this close was like touching heaven yourself. With his hands, he ripped the clothing you had, more specifically, your pants, making you gasp as his hot breath made contact with your cunt.

Heeseung barely gave you a moment to catch your breath before diving back in, his tongue lapping at your soaked folds as if he couldn’t get enough of you. Your thighs shook uncontrollably because of the sudden movement; your body was already overwhelmed, but he showed no signs of stopping. Heeseung groaned into you, the wet, obscene sounds filling the room as he worked you over with relentless precision.

Heeseung was out of his mind; he missed you so bad that he wouldn't mind not feeling his face afterwards if the reason behind it were your sweet thighs on each side of his face suffocating him and shaking with the beautiful background music of your loud moans asking for mercy, but he loves it.

“Fuck, Heeseung, please,” you gasped, your voice already hoarse from screaming his name. You tugged at his hair, desperate for a break, but he only grinned against your core, his eyes flicking up to meet yours.

He sucked hard on your swollen clit, his tongue swirling and flicking with expert skill as he knew your body completely; your whole body convulsed in response. You were shaking, crying out his name over and over as pleasure rippled through you in waves, each one more intense than the last. Your vision blurred, the world spinning as you lost yourself completely to the sensations he was pulling from your body.

“Heeseung, I—fuck!” Your words broke off in a scream as another orgasm tore through you, your body arching off the bed as you gripped the sheets like a lifeline. You were so sorry for the neighbors, but God, he was doing such a good job. Heeseung groaned in satisfaction, his tongue working you through it as you trembled and bucked uncontrollably, the tip of his nose sometimes touching your swollen clit.

“That’s it,” he murmured, his voice thick with lust. “Scream for me, baby. Let them hear how good I make you feel.”

You were barely coherent, your body reduced to a quivering, overstimulated mess beneath him. Heeseung’s fingers dug into your thighs, keeping you exactly where he wanted as he devoured you like a man starved. The pressure was too much, the pleasure too intense, but all you could do was moan and beg, your voice cracking with each desperate plea.

“Heeseung, please,” you cried out, feeling yourself teetering on the edge of another release. “I can’t—I can’t take it.”

Heeseung pulled back just enough to flash you a wicked grin while his fingers started to go inside you, his lips glistening with your arousal as he moved his fingers fast, touching your sweet spots that made you roll your eyes. “Oh, you’ll take it, angel. You’ll take everything I give you.”

Before you could protest, he dove back in, his tongue fucking you relentlessly as his thumb pressed against your clit, sending a fresh wave of pleasure crashing over you. You screamed his name louder than ever before, your body convulsing as yet another orgasm ripped through you, leaving you breathless and shaking.

Heeseung finally pulled away, his face drenched, but his smirk was pure satisfaction. “That’s my good girl,” he murmured, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand as he watched you struggle to catch your breath. He took the back of your head to kiss you again, rough and passionate; you were so into the kiss that you didn't feel his hand going back to your entrance, making you cry.

He began to enter his fingers inside you, a particular motion making you shut your eyes and legs, but Heeseung wasn't about to let you close yourself off from him. With a low chuckle, he used his free hand to pry your thighs back open, his eyes dark and filled with pure, unrelenting desire.

"Don’t hide from me, angel. I want to see every reaction I pull out of you," he whispered against your lips. His voice had authority in it that was very clear, and it was your first time hearing this voice in him. He moved his fingers with a torturous rhythm, curling and pressing exactly where he knew it would drive you over the edge again, for the third time.

Your body responded helplessly, hips bucking as his fingers plunged deeper, reaching that sensitive spot that left you seeing stars. You gasped, clinging to him as the pressure built unbearably, your body tensing with the inevitable release he was forcing from you.

“Hee—Heeseung, please,” you begged, your voice choked with pleasure, your hands grasping at his shoulders, nails digging in as you felt yourself unraveling, but he didn’t let up. He drove his fingers faster, his thumb finding your swollen, sensitive clit again, rubbing with expert precision that had your thighs trembling.

His eyes were locked on you, watching the way your face contorted in pleasure and the way your body arched and quivered beneath him.

You shattered, your body convulsing around his fingers as a wave of intense pleasure overtook you, leaving you completely undone. Your release spilled over as Heeseung coaxed every last tremor from you, his hands still working you through it; half of his still-dressed arm was wet with your squirt. He once again put his mouth on your clit, and that when you lose it.

Heeseung moaned against you, his deep, satisfied groan vibrating through your core as he eagerly lapped up every bit of your release. His mouth never stopped moving, his tongue swirling and flicking over your overly sensitive clit, creating another wave of pleasure out of you even as your body trembled and twitched from the intensity.

Your breaths came out in ragged pants as you lay there, boneless and thoroughly spent, Heeseung’s satisfied grin hovering above you, his fingers going to your mouth.

Heeseung’s eyes darkened as you parted your lips, welcoming his fingers into your mouth. He pressed them gently onto your tongue, a soft, possessive smile playing at the corners of his mouth as he watched you. "Taste yourself for me, angel," he murmured, each word dripping with satisfaction and a hint of pride.

You closed your lips around his fingers, tasting your own sweetness, the heat in his gaze intensifying as you obediently sucked, swirling your tongue over his fingertips. His free hand caressed your cheek, his thumb tracing gentle circles, contrasting the intensity of everything that had just happened.

"That’s my girl," he murmured. You lost count of how many orgasms your boyfriend gave you with his mouth only, but you honestly didn't care. He unbuttoned his pants to take his dick out of his underwear. You licked your lips, seeing how his dick stood tall and proud, leaking cum only to the sight of you at his mercy was making you feel everything despite getting "punished.".

Heeseung let out a low chuckle as he noticed the way your eyes trailed his whole length. “Go to the floor, baby,” he murmured, his voice thick with desire. “Return the favor.”

You did as he said, legs shaking, but your will to give him was bigger. His fingers trailed down to your chin once on the floor, lifting your gaze to meet his—that familiar spark of challenge in his eyes. He leaned back, positioning himself as he stroked his length, waiting for you to take him in. You crawled forward, feeling the anticipation build as he held himself steady, guiding you closer. With his dick, he slapped your cheeks and mouth, making you open it again.

Slowly, you wrapped your lips around him, savoring the taste of him as you took him deeper, inch by inch, until his tip hit the back of your throat. He let out a sharp groan, his hand weaving into your hair to gently guide your movements, his hips subtly rocking in time with your rhythm.

“Look at you, angel,” he breathed out, his voice filled with admiration and heat. “Taking me so well. You have no idea how good you look like this.” He tightened his grip on your hair, encouraging you to go deeper, his breath hitching every time you swallowed around him.

Your view started to get glossy; you weren't holding back the moans each time he thrust into your mouth; your hands went to his teeth to keep your balance, but he separated them out, making you whine.

“Missed your pretty mouth; always do wonders,” he groaned, his head tilting back as you moved in perfect rhythm, pulling every reaction from him that you could.

As you worked him, his hips started to rock a little harder, his groans turning into soft, filthy praises. “That’s it, baby. Take all of me—let me feel that pretty throat,” he rasped, gripping your hair tighter as he lost himself in the sensation. "Hands behind your back."

You did as he told you, hands behind you like you were cuffed, his palm firm at the back of your head, starting a slow pace. You could see how his legs got slightly shaky, but he was holding it; he was trying to prolongue as much as possible to cum right there.

Heeseung’s breathing grew ragged, his gaze darkening as he watched you obediently with your hands behind your back, looking up at him with those pleading eyes. “Just like that,” he murmured, his voice dripping with desire as he thrust deeper, testing your limits. His hands gripped your hair even tighter, keeping you in place as he began to lose his restraint, his control slipping.

“God, you’re perfect,” he groaned, his eyes rolling back momentarily. “You’re taking it so well, baby. Can feel you fighting to keep that throat open for me,” he continued, a wicked smile appearing on his lips as he watched you try to keep your composure. “Messy for me… so eager.”

Heeseung’s hips snapped forward harder, filling your throat as he watched you struggle to take him fully. His hand tightened in your hair, pulling your head back slightly before driving himself deeper, testing just how much you could take.

“Come on, choke on me, drool, make a mess of that pretty mouth.” The thrill in his tone sent a shiver down your spine as you felt yourself giving in, the sounds coming from you louder, wetter. Every time he hit the back of your throat, a needy, guttural whimper escaped, pushing him even closer to the edge due to the vibrations your moans were giving to all of his dick.

“God, you look wrecked,” he groaned, his voice thick with satisfaction as he thrust even harder, holding you in place. “Exactly how I like you. You’re taking all of me so perfectly. Such a good fucking whore.”

You had tears running down to your face; he let your mouth free, making you gasp for air. Your sore throat was worth it seeing your boyfriend sitting in bed due to his weak legs, pumping his length so fast with his eyes fully shut in pleasure.

You got near him, your mouth open and eyes shut, knowing what's about to come. You felt cum shots splashing on your face and tongue.

He groaned, the sounds rough and guttural as he emptied himself over your lips, cheeks, and tongue, each pulse driving him deeper into his heart. Your face was a mess, and you didn’t even care—every drop felt like a victory, a sign of how completely you’d unraveled him.

“God, what a view,” he panted, chest heaving as he took in the sight of you covered in him, lips parted, breath coming in shallow gasps.

You slowly wiped a finger across your cheek, gathering some of his release before slipping it between your lips, never breaking eye contact. The heat in his gaze reignited, and he reached for you, pulling you onto his lap, his fingers tangling into your hair as he leaned in close.

“I’m not done with you yet,” he murmured, his voice dark and dripping with lust. His mouth claimed yours hungrily, tasting the remnants of himself on your lips, his hands sliding possessively down your back as he guided you into his lap, feeling you warm and ready against him.

“Think you can handle more?” You nodded eagerly. He already made you see the stars with his mouth and fingers, but his dick was the one you were waiting for. You needed him.

He left you laid on the bed covered in a few rose petals as he went to the box he loved to open every once in a while in your closet. He went again to the bed, opening the box and surprising himself with something in it, taking it in his hands with some ideas running through his mind.

"Mind you to tell me what's this?" He held up the object, and you smiled.

"I decided to be lazy for Halloween and be the female version of that character," you answered, and he dropped it to the bed. He started to strip all of his clothes on. Eyes on you as usual, but you can see something in his eyes, mischieve. "Why the question?"

"Because you won't need it anymore," he said, finally revealing all his naked body, his length slowly getting worked up again as you opened your legs, your inner thoughts sticky.

"Why?"

"Because I'm using it to fuck you." Your mouth left a moan as he put on the ghostface mask, his hand gripping his length, pumping it once again. He looked at the box, looking for something specific. He showed it up to you—the pink anal plug.

Your cheeks flushed as he held the plug between his fingers, eyes gleaming darkly from behind the mask. He looked every bit the sinful predator he was tonight, and you felt a rush of excitement course through you at the thought of him taking control so completely.

“On your knees,” he ordered, his voice muffled by the mask, but the command in his tone was unmistakable. You complied, heart racing as you turned and positioned yourself, head down, hips raised, feeling the cool air against your skin. The anticipation was electric, each second stretching longer as you heard him move behind you, the rustle of the rose petals intensifying your awareness.

He leaned down, his breath hot against your neck even through the mask, and you felt his hands glide down your body, his fingers brushing over every curve as he spread your cheeks, admiring the sight. He teased you, letting the blunt end of the plug trace along your sensitive skin, a reminder of what he had planned.

"Such a good girl," he murmured. You felt him spitting into your hole and later adding a decent amount of lube to it.

You shivered at the feel of the cool lube and the heat of his breath as he worked his fingers around the sensitive ring of muscle, loosening you slowly with practiced ease. Each press, each teasing circle, sent a shiver up your spine as he prepared you, letting his fingers slide in just enough to make you gasp and arch back, craving more.

“Fuck, you're so tight,” he growled, his voice dripping with satisfaction as he watched you squirm under his touch. “So tight I'm going crazy."

With his other hand, he rubbed the head of his cock along your slick folds, collecting your wetness. He pressed in just slightly, just enough to make you whimper, before he pulled back, laughing lowly as he saw the desperate look in your eyes. Then, with one hand still gripping the plug, he pushed it in slowly, inch by inch, his other hand splaying across your back to hold you down firmly.

You moaned, feeling the stretch as he settled the plug deep inside you, leaving you open, vulnerable, and aching for him. The fullness was dizzying, and your hips bucked involuntarily, seeking more friction and making you clench around nothing.

“Stay still,” he ordered, voice harsh through the mask as he smacked your ass hard, the sting only adding to your arousal. He took a moment to admire his handiwork before diving again to the box. He smiled behind the mask when he found that pink, lush, remote-controlled vibrator.

He stood up to take both your and his phone. With your phone, he quickly set up the vibrator, and with his, he opened his voice note app, hitting record and putting it right next to you.

He gave more spanks to your ass, which let your moans out and shut your eyes in delight.

"Baby, do you want to remind yourself what have you done?" The mask made his voice sound haunting, sending a thrill through you down your spine.

"I sexted you while you were on a Weverse live today." Heeseung started to align the vibrator, the tip of it pressing firmly against your second entrance.

“You don't even deserve to be like this, but I love how you're so obedient.” His voice was almost a growl as he began to slide it inside, filling you completely. You gasped when you felt his hand going around your neck, putting a slight preassure on it, lifting you to only be on your knees. You could only see his mask, but you didn't have to know the face he had, a pure bliss one.

"Are you going to be good for me?" you nodded.

"Yes…"

"Yes, what?" You smirked a little at the question.

"Yes, daddy." The vibrator inside you started abruptly, and you went back to your initial position, sitting on your pillow with the phone next to you and your ass all up for him to see your wet entrance.

A low chuckle escaped him as he watched your body react to the sudden vibrations, hips grinding involuntarily as the toy buzzed deep inside you. He tightened his grip on your waist, steadying you, enjoying how you squirmed under his touch.

“Look at you, baby,” he murmured, his voice dripping with amusement and lust. “You’re already shaking, and I’ve barely started.”

He leaned down, his gloved hands sliding up your sides as he brought his mouth close to your ear. “You really think you deserve my cock after teasing me like that?” His fingers grazed along your neck, applying just enough pressure to send a shiver through you, his grip both possessive and thrilling.

You gasped, the vibrations intensifying inside you, making you clench and arch back against him, desperate for more of his touch. His free hand moved down to stroke his length slowly, making sure you could hear every sound of him.

He eased the vibrator up to its highest setting, chuckling darkly as your moans filled the room. With his other hand still recording, he whispered, “Keep making those sounds, baby. I want a reminder of how needy you get for me.” His fingers traced along your jaw, forcing you to look forward as he positioned himself right behind you, letting the head of his cock press teasingly at your entrance, brushing back and forth.

“Are you ready to be filled completely?” he asked, his voice a seductive growl, every word dripping with the promise of complete control.

“Yes! Daddy, please,” you whimpered, barely able to hold yourself steady.

Without another word, he took the vibrator and pushed himself into you, the stretch overwhelming as he filled you inch by inch.

With a final thrust, he filled you completely, making you cry out as he began to move, each thrust driving you higher, deeper, until your moans filled the room and he was lost in the feeling of you clenched tight around him.

“That’s it, baby. Take everything. You wanted this,” he groaned, his voice heavy and possessive, each word sending another surge of desire through you as he claimed you completely, the mask hiding his face but not the intensity behind every movement.

His fingers grazed along your neck, tightening it on your neck, pulling you back just enough so he could whisper in your ear, “You wanted to act up, didn’t you, baby? Teasing me like that in front of everyone, knowing I’d have to punish you.”

Your breath hitched, his words sending a thrill through you. “I’m sorry, Daddy,” you whimpered, though you could barely hold back a smirk, loving the way he was taking control.

“Sorry doesn’t cut it, princess,” he growled, his grip firm as he forced your hips down onto him with each deep thrust, his cock filling you completely. “You’re going to remember tonight every time you sit down. Got it?”

“Yes, Daddy,” you moaned, the words slipping from your lips as his hand slid down your body, gripping your waist firmly, holding you in place as he drove into you mercilessly. All of you were on fire, overwhelmed with sensation.

“Such a cockslut,” he continued as he picked up the pace. “Such a needy little thing, so desperate for Daddy’s cock, aren’t you?”

“Yes! Yes, I need it,” you gasped, unable to contain the need in your voice as he filled you over and over, your body melting under his rough touch. His fingers dug into your hips, holding you exactly where he wanted, and you loved every second of it.

“Good girl,” he praised, his voice softer but no less intense as he watched you. “Daddy loves seeing you like this, all spread out and taking me so well.”

You could only moan in response, the words driving you closer to the edge. He pulled back briefly, watching you tremble, and then slapped your ass hard, making you gasp as the sting mixed deliciously with the pleasure.

“I want to hear you beg for it,” he commanded, his voice a dangerous whisper. He took the plug and exchanged it with the vibrator, turning it up even higher, the relentless buzzing driving you wild to the point you were seeing stars. “Beg Daddy to fill you up.”

“Please, Daddy,” you moaned, every nerve alight as you pressed back against him, desperate for more. “Please, I need you to fill me up. I need you to own this pussy.”

A wicked grin spread across his face as he heard your desperate pleas. “That’s my cumslut,” he said, finally slamming into you with full force, his rhythm relentless as he gave you everything you’d been begging for.

And as his thrusts grew rougher, your body trembling under him, his grip on your hips tightened even further, his voice a low, satisfied growl. “This is what you get when you tease Daddy, baby. Don’t ever forget it.”

"Fuck, yes! Harder, Mr. Ghostface."

The sound of your new nickname for him seemed to ignite something even darker in Heeseung. His grip on your hips tightened as he slammed into you with renewed intensity, each thrust harder and deeper, his breaths ragged behind the mask.

“Oh, you like calling me that, huh?” he growled. “Calling for Mr. Ghostface to ruin you.” He punctuated his words with a sharp slap to your ass, making you gasp and arch back against him, your skin tingling from the sting.

He slid his hand down, gripping your throat as he held you still, his other hand pressing the vibrator firmly into you.

“You’re Daddy’s little slut, aren’t you?” He murmured, his voice laced with approval and lust as he kept up his punishing rhythm. “Answer, princess.”

“Yes, Daddy, I’m yours,” you whimpered, the words tumbling from your lips as he drove you higher, your body at his mercy. He stopped for a second to look for a particular diddle.

Knowing what's about to happen, you fully lay on the bed. You extend your arm to catch the forgotten lube and put it again all over your entrance and on Heeseung's length. He slowly took out the vibrator from there to enter his dick, a groan leaving your mouth in a cry as he touched your sweet spot again.

He gave you the dildo, "Fuck yourself with it."

You put the dildo where his dick was before, and it slipped so easily, yet you were tight looking at the mask. But even when his whole face was covered, the piercing stare could be felt miles away.

Heeseung’s eyes darkened as he watched you obey through the mask, his breaths heavy and controlled, each one fueling the intensity between you. "Such a good little slut for Daddy," he rasped, his voice muffled but dripping with authority as his gaze raked over you. The way you filled yourself with the dildo had him throbbing, barely holding back as he watched you move it in and out, slick and needy under his command.

He reached down, his hands caressing your thighs before gripping them firmly, his fingers digging into your skin as he positioned himself at your entrance again, the dildo still moving inside you. He leaned close, his masked face inches from yours as he spoke, his voice a low, dangerous whisper. “Keep going, baby. Show Mr. Ghostface just how desperate you are.”

With each thrust of both, the dildo on your cunt and his dick on your other hole, you whimpered, your body arching into him, lost in the pleasure of following his every instruction.

"Fuck! Daddy!" you screamed, tears slipping again to your cheeks bc of the pleasure, you could feel yourself drooling as you were getting fucked numb.

“That’s it, princess,” he murmured, voice full of pride and possessiveness. “Take it nice and deep. Show Daddy just how much you can handle.”

Your pace quickened, moans spilling from your lips as you met each thrust with the toy, the fullness of it making you feel more needy, the stretch and rhythm heightening every nerve in your body. The feeling of him filling you completely and the toy thrusting within you was overwhelming, and you were losing yourself in the pleasure of it all.

He leaned in close, pressing his lips to your ear, his voice dark and possessive. “Such a good little bitch, taking it so well,” he growled, each word sending shivers down your spine. “You love being Daddy’s toy, don’t you?”

“Yes, Daddy,” you managed to breathe out, your words laced with need as you moved in perfect rhythm, every thrust driving you closer to the edge. “I love it... I love being yours.”

“Good girl,” he praised, tightening his grip just enough to make your heart race. “Now, keep going. I want you to cum with me inside you, and I want you to feel every single second of it.”

The intensity of his words drove you wild that you felt yourself spiraling over the edge, your entire body trembling as you squirt, his name spilling from your lips in a broken cry. Heeseung followed soon after, his grip tightening as he buried himself deep, his groans blending with your own sounds of pleasure.

When he finally released his hold on you, he leaned back, admiring the sight of you—breathless, trembling, and entirely his as he was entirely yours.

He took the mask off still burried inside you, his hair got messed up, his eyes were so glossy of lust and his face was red, he threw away the mask, starting a new slow pace. He took both of your legs to put them over his shoulders, both of your moans combining at the feeling of overstimulation.

"Open that pretty mouth for me." you did as he said, his spit landing on your tongue as you swallow it, "You're the best gift I've ever had, God."

"Happy birthday, Daddy." your back arched as his pace got faster and it didn't take long to give him another squirt, this time bigger as your throat hurting from how much you let him know how good he made you feel. He left your inside to have his face between your legs once again, taking again all of the squirt mixed with his cum, hugging your legs in the process to not make you move anywhere.

Both decided to end the night when he let his face burry in between your breasts, catching his breathe along with you. One of your hands went straight to his hair to brush some strings of hair that were attached to his forehead due to the sweat and the other stop the voice note.

"Did you like your birthday night?" you said, and Heeseung laughed, knowing how both of you wouldn't be able to even wake up for the next day.

"It was perfect," he replied, his voice still a bit husky from the night’s activities. He left your body to lie next to you, both of you facing each other. "We should clean the bed and sleep on the inflatable bed you have; we’ve definitely… uh, made a bit of a mess."

"We must, but... fuck, we just had sex like bunnies," you panted, and he laughed once again, this time, you joined in.

Heeseung’s laughter was infectious, filling the room with warmth and lightness “At least we’re not the only ones who are tired,” he said, glancing at the crumpled sheets. “This bed is definitely in need of some TLC.”

"Get lost Heeseung." you said, unable to stop your laugh, he quickly gave you a kiss, smilling at how suddenly you got quiet and your cheeks got red.

"I'm so grateful for this 23rd birthday. Thank you for making it so… unforgettable. And I'm so sorry for all the months I left you alone, I'll make it up for you." you kissed him after he finished it.

"Honey, you're a singer, and when we got into the relationship, we knew it was going to be hard," you replied softly, your fingers tracing the outline of his jaw. “But I wouldn’t change a thing. Moments like this make it all worth it.”

Heeseung smiled, his eyes warm and sincere. “You really mean that?”

“Of course I do,” you said, your heart swelling with affection. “I’ve always believed in us, and I know we can get through anything together.”

He nodded, pulling you closer as if to emphasize your bond. “You’re my everything, you know? I don’t want to take you for granted again.”

You looked into his eyes, seeing the sincerity and promise reflected back at you. “And I don’t want you to feel guilty for the past."

"I will never stop loving you, baby."

"Me neither"

PERMANENT TAGLIST: @kwiwin @hees-love @taeghi @glitterjay @caratstick @hvseung @hxxsxxng @jungwonmeover @awqken @021894s @intromortal @heeslomll @rikiluvbot @alvojake @ja3yun @jakeflvrz (adding some of my moots, but lmk if you want to be removed or add to the permanent taglist ♡)

↷ 𝚑𝚘𝚕𝚕𝚢'𝚜 note: Happy belate birthday to my boy Heeseung and happy late halloween for all of you too, slowly making a comeback! SCREAM fans don't come after me pls, this is different :3 (leaving this quick edit i did of Heeseung Ghostface as a peace offering) 🦋

[notanactressyayy]

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐭. | natasha romanoff

. ݁₊ 𝑠𝑢𝑚𝑚𝑎𝑟𝑦 . Natasha and you were the only 'constant' in each other's lives. poor you, to think you could get over her so easily.

. ݁₊ 𝑤𝑎𝑟𝑛𝑖𝑛𝑔𝑠 . smut! i am not responsible for your content consumption! — making out, g!p Natasha, guided masturbation, orgasm denial, unprotected sex (p in v), choking, swearing, homesickness, fluff, reconciliation.

. ݁₊ 𝑛𝑜𝑡𝑒𝑠 . english isn't my first language (🇧🇷) so i apologize for any spelling errors. been in love w Nat for a damn long time — i've been away for a while, but turns out i can't really live without her. i miss my red so much :(

Natasha Romanoff rarely had the chance to see the same face twice. She saw a lot of people throughout her life — as a spy, as a superhero, or simply as Natasha. The thing is: it was unlike she would return to a place she’s been before. It wasn’t uncommon for her to be on the run. Thus, she traveled around the whole world, and saw thousands, millions of different faces. Destiny made sure not to let her cross paths with the same individual again. It wasn’t only the diversity of people that she witnessed, though. This woman saw the world. She knew life’s ups and downs, and at some point in her life, she just got used to the idea that it would forever be like this: boring. Boring experiences, boring women, boring men, boring relationships. Nothing was ever exciting, thrilling. It felt like she was advanced in time, and the rest of the world wasn’t following her. This wasn’t a complete lie, she got her maturity at a very young age, which made her pay the price now, in adulthood. 

For a spy, the most important thing is to learn not to be caught off guard. But it seemed like life was never on Natasha’s side. And this time — it felt good. Oh, it felt so good. 

At first, she didn’t want to get high hopes. It would be just another temporary friendship to help her pass time, nothing more. However, you managed to surprise the red haired Avenger in the best way possible. When she decided to spare a little time of her life and get to know you more, it was really mind-blowing the side of herself she discovered. She never thought she could actually be.. giddy. Like a silly, hopeless romantic girl. That is what she became whenever it was time to see you. She got excited. Actually excited. She couldn’t see through you, read your emotions or body language, like she did with other people; It was a natural thing, sometimes she didn’t even mean to do that. But you, something within you, kept her at bay. Like you effortlessly turned Natasha into a normal woman. Somebody who could love. Somebody that wasn’t raised and enhanced to be a killer. Not that you went through anything like she did, but you weren’t naive. You showed her that people didn’t necessarily have to be traumatized to be aware of things, of reality, of the surroundings. And for her, you’re the most beautiful person in the whole world. Inside and out. She adored you. 

Opening up was never easy. Revealing the broken parts of herself wasn’t like having a simple chat. But patience is a virtue and thankfully, you followed that say just fine. Little by little, the secrets came out. Most of the parts you already knew — it’s not like she wasn’t a worldwide known superhero. What you mostly had to acknowledge were her feelings, the point of view of the little girl who was experiencing it all, and becoming a strong woman, with built up walls around her heart. Doing that was no problem. Natasha couldn’t be more thankful. 

She couldn’t be more infatuated. More in love.

She’d always remember that one day: in the bar with her team, and you — chattery, music, tons of drinks and laughter. Stolen glances. Stomach butterflies, wild. The moment Clint pulled Laura a little closer to himself, and Tony kissed Pepper’s cheek. How she used that as an excuse to pull you into her lap. Your breath getting labored. Eyelashes gently fluttering, to the point she could count them. Your gentle yet tight grip on her shoulders. Your goddamn eyes staring right into hers. And the part where everything would change: her own bodily reactions to all those little details about you. When you restlessly shifted on her lap, quietly gasping when something poked you through your dress. Eyes going wide at the bulge showing on her black jeans. 

From that point on, you belonged to her.

Or so, she thought.

The sex was great, but she was in conflict — she couldn't tell if the only reason for it to be that enjoyable was because you were both tipsy, almost drunk, or if it was really meant to be that way. It felt right, yes, to have you in her arms like this — naked, piles of discarded clothes laying by her bed.. the sound of your quiet snoring as you cuddled into her. It was also a relief to her. To have someone care for her, desire her, after so long, after forever. The night had been amazing. She was a mature woman anyway, wasn't she? She could sort her feelings out without messing up everything.

Wrong. By the morning, everything would change.

You stared at her as she got up and got dressed again, eyes still a little blurry from sleep, eyebrows ceasing into a small confused frown. "You're not staying?" you'd ask, sitting up and leaning against the headboard, bringing up the sheets to cover your unclothed body. "Ugh, my head hurts like hell,"

"Got things to do." she simply answered, cradling the side of your face and kissing your forehead. You could swear the look on her face was.. apologetic. She tilted her head towards the nightstand, where some aspirin and water waited for you. "Take these. I'll text you later."

"Okay.." you mumble, disoriented. As she leaves, you reach out, shoving the aspirin in your mouth and downing the pills with water. Was there something you were missing? Because all you could remember was how good her hands felt on you, the way they wrapped around you neck while she—

You shook your head, lying down again, and closing her eyes. All the fun and pleasure you had been given from the previous night was slowly vanishing and being replaced by a feeling of uncertainty and confusion. Natasha was an enigmatic person, okay, but you thought you knew her better. She had no reason to leave you just like that, especially when she had already vented about all her past experiences, flaws and failures. Nah, it was probably nothing, you were overthinking. Perhaps she indeed had something important to take care of. You closed your eyes as fatigue took over, and slept for a little bit more.

Natasha went back to her apartment — one of her apartments, and for the whole day, her thoughts ran like crazy. Her emotions were all over the place. She had just fucked her best friend, the one person she felt comfortable and at ease with. She considered her feelings carefully; this.. dinamic, between you two, had not been platonic for a considerable amount of time. But not being platonic doens't necessarily means being romantic. It could either be love, or lust. What happened the day before was carnal, once the two of you were way too much in a drunken haze to actually feel anything.

And, like always, Natasha didn't want to think about falling in love. She felt scared just by thinking about this. It was a new territory, one she wasn't willing to deep dive in. So she took her phone and deeply sighed, opening her chat with you.

"Yesterday was fun. But I need some time. I don't think this can work. Hope you're doing okay. xx"

That text just completely shattered you.

You had no idea what you did wrong. It was not like Natasha was pushing you away forever — but while being with her, the only thought running through your mind was: I wanna be with her. I wanna explore this with her. And Natasha didn't give a single sign that she thought the opposite. You felt... disappointed. With yourself and her. For hoping.

Yeah, getting involved with an ex kgb Avenger killer spy probably wasn't the best idea.

You wouldn't simply forget everything you shared together, so the easiest way here not to create a big tension was.. being fake. The two of you weren't stupid, you were aware of the unspoken feelings going on. But what happened that night should not happen again. So your friendship was what prevailed. A friendship like the start. But obviously, with a few changes. Natasha and you didn't lose touch — on the contrary, you were closer than ever. You spoke and flirted (a lot), but with one small rule, a rule that you subconsciously added to this.. situationship. No feelings involved. It would be singularly that. Friends, some casual hookups, and nothing else.

It didn't last, because that's not what you both wished, longed for.

Little by little, this turned boring again. Not that you were the boring one and she just didn't realize this before. Far from that. The thing was: Natasha and you were supressing your feelings, consequently, supressing all the thrill, the delicious tension that hanged in the air whenever she, once again, crossed paths with you. The russian wanted nothing more than just grab you and kiss you hard, pour all the emotions that she kept bottled up throughout her life into the kiss. But unfortunately, she couldn't. She had a duty to fullfil, as someone born, destined to save the world.

And with all of this, you and her settled a distance. You with your previous and trivial life, and her, saving little girls from bad guys, and bringing down cats from tall trees. It was truly shocking: one day, you lived for Natasha Romanoff. She was your everything and everything you'd ever want. In a blink of an eye, it ended. You followed your paths, like two completely different people, with different purposes.

Right person, wrong time.

Fool her, to think she could get over you that easily. Poor you, to try and put that inside of your head as well.

Sometimes, when normally doing daily tasks, you would catch yourself thinking about her — when you were going to watch TV and put your legs on the coffee table, instead of simply sitting. It was an habit of hers. Or when eating something with peanut butter. It was her favourite late night snack. When it rained. She liked to watch the rain. With somebody else's hands on you. It wasn't right. It was never right to have somebody else touch you. You were constantly thinking about your life before things with her changed — the memories brought comfort, a sense of nostalgia.. at some point, you weren't living in the present anymore. Just faking. Faking your feelings. Pretending it was okay to let her go.

This woman ruined you for everything and everyone else.

Natasha could relate to that. In a life that could be resumed in one word: a 'whirlwind' of a life, and you were her only 'constant' among all of this... she couldn't bear this anymore.

So she made an important decision.

The decision was today.

Today: she'd take you out again, praying that, if not reconciliation, she wanted at least to say everything she had to say. Because if life taught her one thing, was to make choices that she wouldn't regret in the future. And it was damn right she would regret choosing not to meet you tonight.

Sitting in the stool of the bar, in a more secluded corned, her eyes followed your figure as you approached — purse hanging on your shoulder, dress exposing your back and a little bit of your waist, eyes so awfully soft and gentle as you looked at her. It wasn't fair. A pang of guilt hit her hard. Oh, she regretted letting that go. She wanted you to be mad at her. But you were not. She shakily rises to her feet to kiss your cheek as you stand in front of her, thankfully not stumbling. Your eyes lock again, already in a trance. Just like that other day.

"How are you doing?" you ask. Natasha could cry. She missed that voice everyday. "Did I take too long? I'm sorry."

"No, no. Don't worry." she swallows hard. You both sit on the stools by the countertop. When the bartender comes, the redhead dismisses him. She wanted the two of you sober for this. "I'm... so much better now that you're here, honestly. How about you?"

"Amazing." you chuckle, tilting your head to the side and watching her. She didn't change a bit. Hair braided, black jeans, leather jacket. That was your Natasha. "I didn't expect you calling me here, to be honest..—"

"Me neither." she admits, in a whisper. Her tongue darts out to moisten her lips, eyes involuntarily starting at your mouth. She sighs and looks into your eyes. "But I had to... I can't get you off my mind."

Her sincerity never fails to amaze you. With each second that passes, the butterflies in your tummy return, to remind you of the past — feelings and sensations resurfacing. You bite on your bottom lip and look around the bar, quickly scanning to see if there was anybody paying attention to the two of you. Maybe a few eyes here and there, which didn't linger. Everyone else was too busy minding their own business — and it's not like you'd care if someone was staring anyway. Natasha turned some heads. You felt greedy for that. You were the one having her. The only one having her.

"You live in my head rent free, Natasha." you tell her, voice having a sultry edge to it. You slowly stand, walking closer.

You take her hands and open her arms — making it possible for you to straddle her thigh. She tenses almost immediately. Her head tilts up to stare into your eyes, arms circling your waist to keep you close, where she wanted. You shake your head when you see a small frown between her eyebrows — lips pressing against that small spot, coaxing a little exhale of hers. She missed you. Everyday. Every minute. She wanted that respect and care all the time.

"What are we even doing here?" she whispers, so quietly you almost can't hear it. Her hands cup your waist and gently roam up and down your sides, palms brushing against your bare skin every now and then, all thanks to the waist slits of your dress. Your face leans closer to hers, noses bumping — the smallest of touches, making you both crave what you once had. "Why didn't I just invite you to my place right away?"

"I don't know. Why didn't you?" you raise one eyebrow, fingertips caressing her jawline. Her hands give your waist a squeeze — and you almost moan. She swore she could hear it. It replayed in her head, the beautiful sounds you made for her. She wanted to hear them again. She was going to make you sound like that again.

It wasn't just a physical thing — your body and mind craved her touch, her presence, so much that just the mere thought of being on her bed again got you soaked. She felt something wet through the rough fabric of her jeans, and that got her brain spinning. She fell for you hard. So painfully hard.

"Let's get out of here," she groans, hands firmly grabbing your thighs and lifting you up — wrapping your legs around her waist and carrying you out the pavement. Her hardness pressed right against your core — you blushed, hiding your face on her shoulder, wrapping your arms around her neck.

In a heartbeat, you were back at your house.

Your place, because it was the fastest way, when taking the cab. No words were exchanged, not yet. The aching, burning need had to be taken care of first — before properly talking. Your back hits the wall hard as Natasha pushes you against it — her body trapping you between herself and the hard surface — hands hardly, possessively holding you by the hips. Desperately, even. Making sure you wouldn't slip away from her grasp. Her lips dance with yours, tentatively, yet naturally, tongues tasting one another after what felt like centuries. She felt so good, tasted so good.

"Nat..—" you moan against her lips, having her bottom lip trapped between your teeth, then releasing it. Your forehead against hers, eyes soft and filled with desire. Your hands hold her cheeks, traveling to her jaw. Needily, you press kisses to the side of her throat, breathing shaky, heart hardly thrumming. "I never stopped thinking about you..."

"Yeah?" she hums, grabbing the hem of your dress and lifting it up, bunching the fabric by your hips. Her fingers hook around the elastic of your panties and pull them down, pooling around your feet — making you gasp, and pull away from her neck. Eyes wide open. The air hits your heat, making you needier for her.

You almost mewl.

"God, I need you." Natasha utters. She grabs you again and smashes her lips against yours once more, now with so much more passion, more need, more anxiety. Her bulge presses against your now unclothed wetness, coaxing a tiny cry of need out of you. You breathlessly pull away from her, reaching down and fumbling with the buttons of her jeans — until she stops you.

"No—"

"Quiet." she shushes, maneuvering you back, until your body hits the mattress. She climbs onto the bed and stays in a kneeling position, hungrily taking you in. Messy, needy, all for her. Sober, like she wanted planned from the first time. "That dress goes off."

Her voice is commanding, yet not harsh — and her eyes betray her a little. Her eyes are almost pleading, that it is clear how much she needs this. To have you all to herself, to show you how much she wants that. Her underwear becomes even more tight as she sees your trembling fingers, pulling the dress over your head and tossing it aside, lips parted. Just by her look, you can tell she wants the bra off, too. So you reach behind your back and grants her silent wish, breasts now exposed to her sight.

"There you are..." she moans to herself, shamelessly taking in the sight of you. You're a work of art. With her hand, she coaxes your knees open, and parts your legs. "My... you're so wet. So perfectly wet."

"You're still with a lot on.." you quietly complain, feeling hot and shy at the same time. But her gaze is enough to wipe away the confusion from your eyes. She had a plan.

"Touch yourself for me." she breathes out.

Your eyes briefly widen with the unexpectedness of this statement. You had certainly done this before — touched yourself thinking of her — but the idea of showing this, while she watched, never crossed your mind. But it wasn't an unpleasant idea. It was actually... hot. Sensual. They darken, pupils blown wide as you make yourself comfortable against the pillows, eyelids fluttering as your legs spread a little more, palm resting on your stomach, then moving down. Deliberately, it reaches your sex, a shakily sigh leaving your lips when your middle and ring finger collect some of the slick coat covering your sensitiveness, using it to slowly rub your clitoris, getting you to gasp louder.

"Natasha..." you whisper, eyes falling close, thoughts wandering.

Wandering back to the start — when you first discovered your feelings for her, then the climax, when you both got in bed due the alcohol — then the aftermath, when you needed her so much, felt so alone at night, that your fingers were the only solution. Little wet sounds echo within the room as you rub circles on yourself, applying just the right amount of pressure, that it doesn't take long for the pit in your stomach to manifest itself.

"Faster." Natasha rasps out, taking her jacket and quickly throwing it away. She pulls her tank top over her head, then undo the buttons of her jeans — leaving the bed, just so she can get rid of all the uncomfortable fabric, and climbing it again. She crawls closer to you — eyeing you as you worked on your pussy, her hands caressing your thighs, adding to the stimulation.

"Please...!" you whimper, doing as you're told — rubbing yourself faster — slipping one of your fingers inside your entrance, almost cumming, that quickly. "Please, I need you..!"

"I need you too," she moans to herself, and harshly grabs your wrist, pulling your hand away. You moan loudly in protest — Natasha wouldn't tease you. Not today, when you both needed each other so much. She discards her undergarments, finally — groaning as she's set free. Your eyes lock on her hard length, which was practically hitting her abs now.

"Put it inside me." you beg, grabbing her shoulders to pull her closer. She hovers over you, bracing herself on her forearms, on each side of your body. Your fingernails gently graze her back. Natasha was feeling so much, so much more than she ever felt. Your eyes were sparkling so much, like you were crying — shimmering with the depth of your adoration for her. You grab her cheeks and press your lips to hers, in a gentle peck. Knowing her past, she didn't have to explain her reasons for what had happened. She was scared before, and you respected. "Go on. Love me."

She couldn't wait no longer. She lowers her forehead to your shoulder and places her hands on your hips — her chest against yours, as she lined herself with your hole, effortlessly pushing inside. Stretching you out, like she once did. Having the chance to hear that delicious sounds again.

"You're mine... shit," she groans, rolling into you gently, getting you used to the feeling first. You're so tight, so perfect around her. Natasha's overwhelmed. Her hands press against the base of your throat, squeezing firmly, yet leaving enough room for air. She's so hot. "That pussy is mine. You're mine. You're all mine—"

"Yes," you moan, wrapping your legs around her middle. You wouldn't take long to come tonight. Maybe she'd make you come over and over. She rocks into you, pace not too slow, not too fast. Just right. The right tempo to bring you both the pleasure and connection you so much needed. "Mhm.. fuck, Nat, missed your cock,"

"You're gonna take it over and over—" she comments — kissing your shoulder, roaming her hands up your body, her right palm cupping your breast and giving it a firm squeeze. Your head lolls back, mouth opening to allow a satisfied moan out. "I'm never fucking letting you go again,"

She accelerates, pulling almost all the way out just to slam back into you again — feeling her climax approach. She moves her mouth close to your ear and moans — her own sounds now mixing with yours.

"Natasha...! Fuck, you feel soo good," you gasp, a wave of pleasure washing over you as you get closer. She takes the hint immediately, cupping the back of your knee and pushing it up, allowing her a better angle. "Ah, gimme more,"

"My greedy girl," she groans, her head tilting back. Her cock twitches inside of you — precum already painting you white. She glanced down at where your folds swallowed her, eyes darkening impossibly more. "You're so goddamn tight... 'm not gonna last, moya krasivaya malysha,"

"Okay.. 'ts okay... Cum with me..." you beg her, tangling your fingers into her red strands of hair, pulling her down more, so her forehead rests against yours — the eye contact increasing the intimacy of the moment. She didn't know what to expect now. Didn't know what to think. Only that she had to fill you up.

"C'mon.. nhg, darling.. c'mon.. cum around me," she encourages, feeling her own legs shake as her orgasm washed over her.

She grabbed your hips hard and slammed into you — once, twice, three times, filling you up with her hot release. You squeezed your eyes shut as your body shuddered forwards, breasts pressing against her own as a long, strangled moan flowed out of you, nails digging into her back, pressing her body against yours as you finished. Your walls clenched around her cock, swallowing her more, not allowing her to pull away just that. "God.. I love you!"

Natasha blinks, not sure if she heard right. Her heart squeezes in her chest, arms wrapping around your body. Her back hits the bed and she flips you on top of her, still inside of you — but now, her member softened. The adrenaline was running wild, but you had calmed down a little bit. Just a little. Because this time, it wasn't pure sex. It was lovemaking.

Your face is buried in her chest as she brings up the covers, creating a cocoon of warmth around you. She buries her face into your hair and inhales deeply, staying silent. Just to process things.

"I love you, too. So so much." she murmurs into you hair. She felt terrified to say this. But once you're someone who she already showed her scars to, it's not that bad anymore.

"You do?" you ask expectantly, feeling tired, drowsy. Natasha smiles at that. She feels her eyes burning with heavy emotion. She nods.

"Yes... I love you so much." she confirms, softly stroking her hair, brushing some strands away from your sweaty forehead. "And I want you to be mine. Will you be mine?"

"You're asking me to be your girlfriend after the sex?" you chuckle quietly, but happiness was evident in your voice. Now you could sleep at peace. The first night of rest you'd have in a long time. In the arms of the woman you cherished, worshipped.

Natasha had won now. She was so fucking relieved. All because of a phrase.

"Of course I will, you idiot."

"I'm never, ever, ever letting you go again." the room is messy, smell of sex lingering around you. But now things were sorted out. By the morning, you could have a more direct, serious conversation. For now, you'd rest together, wrapped up in each other's arms, like it was always meant to be.

[tommyssupercoolblog]

PERIOD. Like, even if your system is more individualistic like mine, this is still a thing. Like I don't see Seán, or Joey, or our core, or anyone else, as the same person as me; but they're all important and non-negotiable. you can't take one "part" of us and say you hate everyone else in our system, that's so offensive. We're a family. We support each other. Even alters I've never met have supported me, sometimes without even knowing it; we share so much of our lives that it's impossible not to affect each other, and a therapy appointment or step forward for one person is ultimately helpful for the collective as a whole as well.

If you live in a house with a lot of roommates then their mental health and life choices affect your own- that happens in systems too, and a lot stronger because you literally share both a body and a brain; we are a family and keeping the family unit as a whole healthy and happy is important. We have to support each other, and we care about each other and WANT to support each other too. It's not always easy, but it's something that matters to us. We don't always get along, but ultimately we're all important and we're all part of the same family; the same system.

Asking us not to talk about each other or not to switch (which we can't always control anyway) is asking us to shut out MOST of our lives and experiences, to hide almost everything.

And saying you don't want to interact with any of us but one is shitty because...what are you talking about, how DARE YOU, I love these people and I need them and we depend on each other. Say that to my face and I'll fucking lose it on you, I will BITE you, watch yourself.

You don't get to pick and choose. This is a package deal.

"I'm okay with you having DID, I just don't want to talk to or meet any of your alters."

I'm an alter too, you know. Every single time you've interacted with me, I'm an alter. Even before you knew I had DID, even before I knew I had DID, we've been speaking to each other as various different alters. To ask to only interface with one singular version of me because you find the other versions of me uncomfortable to be around is hurtful.

We have little to no control over who's fronting at any particular time. We switch a lot, that's the nature of my system. Even we don't know who's fronting all the time, not least because we're discovering new parts still all these years later.

And, ultimately, they're all me. If you've only met one version of me and like that one version of me, do you truly like me? If you've only ever gotten to know me in that particular mode, how well do you actually know me? How can you say you love me when there's all these other me's that you cast aside and ignore?

You can't say you're okay with my DID but then ask to never get to know my alters. Because, ultimately, that means you never get to know me. And that means you're not okay with my DID- or with me.

[respectthepetty]

Gosh I’m so curious about your insight into why Juyeong removed his cross again in episode 6 and how Dohoe noticed it and became upset. I am so confused

IT'S ABOUT GOD!

Okay, gather 'round, you heathens (affectionately)! Let me school you in religious righteousness and shame.

Although I questioned if what Ju Yeong wore was a cross,

If it is a cross, Ju Yeong took it off BEFORE he confessed to Do Hoe.

He was using that moment to confess not only his love for Do Hoe, but also his sin.

So now, act like you were raised in a super religious family and truly believe that Jesus Christ is your Lord and savior who died horribly on the cross, so YOU could get into heaven one day.

That's right! God sacrificed his only son, so YOU wouldn't have to go to hell.

It's a heavy cross to bear, the weight of knowing someone died for your sins. Someone scarified their child, so you could have eternal happiness. God condemned his only son to be executed for you.

However, the catch is that you cannot sin in order to get into heaven.

You have to obey your parents.

You can't commit murder.

You can't idolize anyone above God for there is only one God, and he willingly allowed his son to be killed FOR YOU!

Oh, and you cannot lie because that's a slippy slope to hell.

So, once again, imagine you are that boy who wears a cross necklace and truly believes you will go to hell for your sins, so when you confess to the boy you like, you take off the necklace, because God should not bear witness to this offense.

But then, you sacrifice your body for that boy to be happy. You also take care of that boy's father to make up for the sin. You become the prodigal son, so the boy you like can live in eternal happiness even if it's without you.

And you keep wearing the cross, so God is with you in all you do and He will see the good in your heart.

God is with you always, in everything you do because the necklace is always on as a reminder of the one time you liked a boy and almost sent both of you to an earthly and eternal hell.

But the thing is, we know Ju Yeong takes the necklace off, and so does Do Hoe.

So how must that feel to Do Hoe to know that Ju Yeong removes his necklace when he is with him? How must that come across? Probably as if Ju Yeong carries shame about Do Hoe, or specifically about their relationship with each other and that Ju Yeong does not see what is between them as godly, but rather sinful, shameful, and even more, wrong.

When Do Hoe told the truth about the night of the incident, he looked at Ju Yeong's neck.

And it could come across as sexual, like he wants to kiss or touch Ju Yeong after such a brutally honest moment or when it's snowing, but in the context of the argument, that is an odd time to fantasize about wanting someone in such a sexual way.

But it's because Do Hoe is looking for the necklace. And it's there.

Ju Yeong had it on the first time he kissed Do Hoe, but he didn't wear it when they kissed in the van nor during their first time, so Do Hoe is checking to see if it's okay to kiss him now, with the necklace on.

Because if the necklace is off, he knows Ju Yeong will allow himself to be selfish, abandon God, and accept the sin.

But that has to be a fucking awful feeling, no?

To believe that you, a person who probably lied about your schooling and now sit in a fancy apartment with your nice car and cushy job because of that lie, are in love with a man who is so morally righteous that even your relationship with him is so sinful that he has to take off his cross and forsake God to be near you.

Once again, Ju Yeong could not be wearing a cross, but imagine being a liar in love with a saint.

Hell, I'd hate myself too.

@heretherebedork, @benkaben, @chicademartinica, @anxiouswannabe90skid

[bunnwich]

This is altogether random, but I feel you might appreciate the idea: since Leona is doing his internship with a mining company in Sunset Savanna, I like to think if he were to propose to his partner, any ring would have a stone he found himself (then or years later) that made him think of them, because they’re worth the effort.

No, I love this so much and this actually inspired to think of some HC for Leona and Yuu's engagement!! So pardon me as I use this as an excuse to yap/draw.

🧡Leona x Yuu Proposal

🧡Engagement:

I picture Leona and Yuu would be together a while time before he worrys about marriage. Leona as we know is not traditional by any means. And the two are so used to just…being there for each other, lives intertwined like a braid. 

At this time after NRC I see Leona having his hands in a few things, but mostly just there as support for Yuu and even Ruggie as they navigate graduating. After his internship he currently sits as a member of the Board of Environmental Utilization.

I think they would already live together in a somewhat isolated place near the edge of the Outlands and Sunrise City. Leona originally helped get it for Yuu to have a forever home but now he finds himself there more and more. It's a bit of a fixer-upper, reminding Yuu of the Ramshackle.

I imagine their house has a revolving door policy and often has uninvited guests, Ruggie comes to visit a lot and uses it as a place to crash when he's in town to see his Granny. And then there's Cheka (who is now a teen rebelling against his parents.)

Often the two take late-night drives in Leona’s jeep to get away from the craziness of all. Leona struggles trying to adapt to a more humble living situation and lifestyle. (he still can't work the microwave for a damn), but he tries enjoying the quiet life he has with Yuu. Yuu is still figuring out how they will fit in in their new homeland as a Sunset Savanna citizen.

I feel Leona’s family would be hassling them about marriage for years but neither are too keen on the idea of it liking their private life. However, Leona knows it’s the easiest way to protect Yuu and make sure they always have a home and inherit the house they fixed up together. (Should anything ever happen to him.) Plus, it would give them full citizenship in his homeland. 

So one day, he decides that it's time to make it legal. Of course, he already knew a long time ago that they belonged to one another, this is so cemented in his mind and he’s not even that nervous about it. At this point, they’ve been through so much together they live together, they are one. So, he does it in his Leona way.

On one of their sunset drives together he pulls out a special ring his sister-in-law helped him design with Yuu's three favorite stones that he’d sent them in their time apart. He had two requests when he had it made: it had to have a moon for Yuu and a stone for both of them.

Leona during his internship would often collect stones he would find in the mines, finding some to send to Yuu. He knew that they liked that sorta stuff even if he didn't care for it. And he didn’t mind writing down little geological facts for them. 

“So…ya wanna be married to me?”

Yuu would honestly not expect it. And he said it so casually too! Smug bastard. But as usual, he was…right, their lives were so connected they couldn't imagine not seeing his cocky face every day or hearing his soft words of encouragement then loud ass snores every night.

“Okay.” They say with a shrug, and Yuu would be crying for both them. He was right, it just made sense. Besides, what would the lion do without them?

After putting the ring on their finger he'd wrap his arms around them, intending to never let go after that. He can’t help but get teary too. He never thought that he’d have someone like his brother did, to be by his side always.

“Well, now, yer stuck with me.”

“That’s okay.”

🧡Wedding:

As for a wedding, I KNOW Falena and Sis-in-law would press for a big, fat traditional Sunset Savanna wedding. There is a bit of controversy among some old-fashioned council members that Leona is marrying an outsider and a few murmuring that Yuu is a human too. But Leona’s favorability in the kingdom has always been so divided that some take an apathetic view, expecting this behavior from the second prince anyway.

Being a “spare heir” works in Leona’s favor this time, as there is not as much pressure for an arranged marriage for him as his brother had. Though there’s still some pushback. They were fine viewing Yuuta as a fling but it’s tradition for royal family members to have political marriages.

It’s a bit of strain on their relationship during this time with the stress of the capital’s spotlight on them. Since Leona told no one about it until after he proposed to Yuu. But, because a few on the council are fond of Yuu already, (as well as the queen regent), it all works out eventually! (Leona threatens to take Yuu and run away so many times.)

It is an…adjustment getting this much attention for Yuu. But, because the house they chose is already out of the prying eyes, the two compromise by agreeing to a true royal wedding…

This doesn’t last long. The two get fed up and…elope a few months later in the middle of the night. Cheka/Ruggie sneak out to be witnesses. Falena and the queen are pissed and make them promise to get married again in a few years publicly.

🧡Traditions:

Rings are a bit more of a modern marriage tradition in the Sunset Savanna as other countries' cultures melded with theirs over the years. Leona has never been one for traditions anyway and he liked the idea of matching rings, made out of the same ore and gems.

An old tradition of Sunset Savanna marriages is that of permanent bracelets, braided by hand by the officiating party. They are meant to stay on til death. Often colored beads are added to represent each personality. The braided hemp itself represents an eternity together in this life and the next. Through the circle of life, they are connected from then on out. 

[larluce]

Arthur and Merlin travel back in time without knowing the other is from the future too AU (SERIES 2)

FIRST PART (SERIES 1) >> PREVIOUS PART >> NEXT PART

In "The Nightmare Begins"

In Arthur's chambers.

Merlin: (enters, shyly) Uhm, hi.

Arthur: (stands up from his bed quickly) Hi! you... finished Gaius chores.

Merlin: Yeah.

Silence.

Arthur: (nervous) Uhm... Are you... going to undress me or-

Merlin: Right! Sure, because that's my job. Obviously. That's why I'm here. (stands infront of Arthur, blushing, but doesn't make any other movement)

Arthur: (looks at him, tenderly) Merlin you have done this thousands of times, you don't have to act all shy.

Merlin: (blushes more furiously) I'm not acting shy I'm waiting for you to lift your arms, you idiot!

Arthur: (blushes) Oh... of course (lifts his arms)

Merlin: (starts putting Arthur's shirt off with trembling hands)

Arthur: (feels Merlin's fingers brushing his skin having no so good thoughts)

Merlin: (finishes to put Arthur's shirt off) Th-there. (avoids Arthur's gaze)

Arthur: (keeps looking at him still having no so good thoughts)

Merlin: (dares to look up)

Arthur and Merlin: (get loss in each other's eyes and then look at each other's lips)

Merlin: (snaps out of it, thinking) My magic! I can't lose control of my magic!

Arthur: (snaps out of it, thinking) He said he wanted to go slow. SLOW, Arthur!

Merlin: You-your trousers.

Arthur: (fearing he'll have a boner if Merlin changes his trousers) Uh...I rather put those on myself.

Merlin: (in relief) Oh, thank the gods! (realises his slip up) I mean, less work for me, yay! (goes to the door that conects to his chambers quickly)

Arthur: Merlin.

Merlin: (stops and turns around)

Arthur: (goes to him, holds his hand tenderly, smiling like a fool) Good night.

Merlin: (smiling like a fool too) Good night.

Another silence. Merlin start swinging their hands.

Arthur: Merlin?

Merlin: Yeah?

Arthur: We have to... let go.

Merlin: Yeah, we should do that.

Another silence.

Arthur: (chuckles) You are still not letting go.

Merlin: (chukles too) You neither!

Arthur: (brings Merlin's hand to his lips and kisses it) Good night. (finally lets go of his hand)

Merlin: (off guard, with a very high pitched voice) Good...Good night! (enters his chambers and closes the door quickly)

That is just the first night after confessing their feelings to one another. Merlin screams in a pillow after that and Arthur sleeps hugging a pillow with a smile plastered on his face.

The next day, is pretty much the same, with Merlin and Arthur acting all ackward around the other, but constantly smiling for no reason, together or not. It reaches the point Merlin puts Arthur's clothes on wrong twice and Uther scolds Arthur in a meeting for being too distracted staring at his manservant. Of course, everyone notice this change and new rumors spread, saying that the Prince sudden change of humor was due to Merlin finally accepting to bed him. But for once Merlin can care less about what they say. His so long believed impossible love, loves him back! He is living his dream! There is nothing that could ruin that!

Then the second night comes and Merlin's little bubble of happiness beggins to shatter.

That night, Merlin has one of those strange dreams he's been having since he travel back in time. He can't move and can't see a thing in those, there are no images, but rather sounds and feelings. Sometimes he's warm, sometimes he's cold, sometimes he feels the breeze or water showering him, like rain. There are sounds of animals. Normally birds singing. But mostly there is always a voice talking to him.

"I'm not the best at prune. You'll have to settle. Not that you can complain anyway" Sometimes the voice is happy.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry!" sometimes the voice is sad.

But lately, for some reason, the strange voice has been sounding more like one he knows very well.

The voice sounds like Arthur's.

An the dream Merlin has this night is not the exception.

"I love you" the voice says this time, but instead of sounding joyful and tender like when Arthur actually confessed his love to him, it sounds broken, as if the true of those words were killing him. "I love you and I hate you, so, so much. All the secrets you kept from me, Merlin. I've forgiven them all but one. Of all the moments you could have... Why didn't you say it before? Why didn't you keep it to yourself? Why..."

Merlin wakes up in the middle of the night, with tears rolling down his eyes. That was a cruel blow of reality. A premonition even. The secrets, the fucking secrets! He has been so happy since he and Arthur confessed their love to one another that he forgot Arthur not knowing about his magic means that Arthur still doesn't know all of him. Will Arthur still love him once he knows? Merlin still remembers how Arthur reacted in his other life. Though Arthur eventually came around, the memory of the initial rejection still hurts him in his very core. He doesn't want to experiment it again, not so soon when he's beginning to be happy. He doesn't know what he did or what changed for this Arthur to fall in love with him. And for the same reason, he doesn't want to risk it, he doesn't want to lose him! He knows he must tell Arthur, but... Is it bad that he wants to be a bit selfish?

Suddenly a scream gets him out of his thoughts.

Merlin: (alarmed) Arthur! (runs to Arthur's chambers)

In Arthur's chambers.

Arthur: (looking around, frantic and shouting) Merlin! Merlin! MERLIN!

Merlin: (enters running) I'm here! I'm here! What happened?

Arthur: (pulls Merlin till he's sit on the bed and starts checking him, touching him everywhere, even more frantic)

Merlin: (very worried, though he still blushes) Arthur,wait-What are you-Stop it- ARTHUR!

Arthur: (Stops, his hands holding Merlin's face, still with fear in his eyes)

Merlin: (comforts) It was a nightmare (puts a hand on Arthur's) Just a nightmare.

Arthur: (suddenly breaks down and cries)

Merlin: (holds him, wanting to protect Arthur from whatever was tormenting him. His heart aching with each sob, while he comforts him) It's alright. It wasn't real. It's alright.

Arthur: (pulls Merlin away just enough to see his face) Merlin.

Merlin: Yes?

Arthur: (begs) Don't leave me, please.

Merlin: I won't. Never.

Arthur: (kisses Merlin abruptly)

Merlin: (startles but soon kisses back)

The way Arthur kisses Merlin is not tender this time, not even passionate, but rather driven by full need. Need to feel Merlin, need to make sure Merlin is there and still with him. Soon Merlin is also lying on the bed and Arthur is on top of him kissing him more deeply. Merlin moans against Arthur's lips, his hands on Arthur's naked back and Merlin thinks he'll go isane. Why did he even deny himself this?

Then he hears movement, opens his eyes and notices some things floating around the room and he remembers why.

Merlin: (puts a hand between their chests and pushes to separate their kiss and says, breathless) Arthur.

The things fall and the sound makes Arthur get out of whatever trance he was.

Merlin: (thinking some explanation for the things falling) Uh-

Arthur: (Doesn't even acknowledge the things falling and gets off Merlin quickly, very ashamed of himself) Oh, Gods! I'm so sorry. I wasn't-I just-

Merlin doesn't have the chance to say anything cause a guard suddenly opens the door.

Guard: Sire, the- (notices Merlin is on the bed) Uh, forgive me, I didn't mean to interrupt-

Merlin: (too quickly) No! It's perfectly fine.

Arthur: (too quickly) Yeah, we just finished.

Guard: (thinking) I didn't need to know that...

Arthur: What is it that you came?

Guard: Is the lady Morgana. There was a fire in her chambers.

Arthur and Merlin: WHAT?! (Stand up quickly and run outside)

Time skip. In the morning, after they finished investigating Morgana's chambers. Arthur and Uther walking through the corridor.

Arthur: It's not possible. There are too many guards. I'm telling you, it was a thunder.

Uther: No. Someone started the fire with magic. I'm sure of it. Arrest all those we have under suspicion.

Arthur: I can't arrest people without solid proof-

Uther: You can and you will. My ward has been attacked. I won't give them the chance to attack again. (leaves)

Arthur: (sighs)

Meanwhile. In Gaius' Tower. Merlin spying on Gaius and Morgana from outside.

Morgana: (cover in a blanket, still pretty shaken) It happened so quickly. It was terrifying.

Gaius: (puts a hand on her shoulder) It's alright. You're safe now.

Morgana: ...

Gaius: Is there something you like to tell me, my child?

Morgana: ...No.

Merlin: (thinking, confused) How weird. She confided Gaius she believed she caused the fire before, why isn't she doing it now? (enters) I brought the herbs.

Morgana: (tenses)

Gaius: Just what I needed. (to Morgana) I'll have a remedy for your nerves in no time, my child.

Morgona: Thank you. (stands up quickly) I'll go (passes Merlin fast and leaves)

Merlin: (very serious) It was magic. Uther can be unreasonable when its comes to magic sometimes, but he's not dumb. And neither is Morgana.

Gaius: Merlin-

Merlin: Her dreams are visions, you've known that for a while and that's an hability only users of magic could have. She did this and you know it.

Gaius: She's better not knowing.

Merlin: NO! Not knowing it's what's tearing her apart! She needs to be told that she'll be okay, that her power is not something she should be afraid of. She needs... (trails off)

Gaius: What, Merlin?

Merlin: She needs guidance. Someone that can help her control her gift. Like me.

Gaius: No, Merlin. You can't!

Merlin: I'm not asking you.

Gaius: Are you out of your mind!

Merlin: You can't drug her and make her believe she's going insane for the rest of her life!

Gaius: Your magic must stay secret!

Merlin: Secrets be damned! You don't keep secrets from the people you love! It's always a lie, after lie, and then one day everything will blow in our faces and there's nothing we'll be able to do to repair the damage!

Gaius: ...

Gaius: This is not just about Morgana, is it?

Merlin: (sighs) My magic keeps acting on its own when Arthur and I kiss.

Gaius: Your magic is linked to your emotions, my boy. It's normal. Once the initial excitement has cooled off-

Merlin: It's not just that! I can't keep my magic a secret from Arthur anymore! It's not fair to him. (sinks in a chair) I shouldn't have started anything romantic with him without telling him in the first place! (sinks his face on his hands) He'll hate me now.

Gaius: What do you mean "now"? (pauses and then opens his eyes wide in realisation) Merlin, are you planning to tell Arthur? I thought you were going to wait until he is king!

Merlin: (gets his hands of his face) That was before we became... lovers (blushes, but then sighs, kind of defeated) I can't have our relationship be based on lies.

Gaius: Your magic has nothing to do with your relationship.

Merlin: It has everything to do with it! I don't just have magic, I am magic and he deserves to know who he's giving his heart to.

Gaius: (sighs)

Merlin: This is the part when you tell I'm crazy and I shouldn't even think about doing this.

Gaius: Actually, I think you should tell Arthur too.

Merlin: WHAT?! 😨

Gaius: Not for the same reasons you are saying though. I'll feel more at easy knowing you have Arthur's full protection.

Merlin: Let me get this straight. You think telling Morgana, who actually has magic, is insane, but telling the Prince of Camelot himself is more than fine?

Gaius: He almost started a rebellion against his own father for you. That's more than enought proof for me that he wouldn't let any harm come to you. In the worst case scenario, he'll send you away for your own protection, but I vehemently believe even that is pretty unlikely.

Merlin: It's not banishment I fear or that he wouldn't forgive me. I know he would eventually. (His eyes water) But what if he doesn't want to be with me after I tell him? What if he doesn't love me anymore? (Tears run down his eyes) I don't think I can't go back to being his friend. Not now that I know how it feels to be loved by him.

Gaius: Oh, Merlin. (Holds him)

Merlin: (crying) I love him so much, I don't want to lose him. (Keeps crying)

Arthur: (enters) Gaius, I need-Merlin! 😨(Runs to him, concerned) What happened?!

Merlin: (snifs and wipe his tears) It's nothing.

Arthur: It's not nothing. You are crying! (makes a move to put a hand on his shoulder)

Merlin: (stands up quickly, evading him) I'm fine.

Arthur: Merlin-

Merlin: I have chores to do. (leaves)

Arthur: Merlin! (makes a move to go after him)

Gaius: (stops him) Better leave him alone. He'll come to you when he's ready to talk.

Arthur: (even more worried) Is... is this about last night?

Gaius: (confused) Last night?

Arthur: Gaius, I swear to you I didn't mean to cross his boundaries. I don't know what came over me when we kissed-

Gaius: Sire, as much as I appreciate the trust you have on me to tell me some things, I rather not be informed in whatever is that you do with my ward in private.

Arthur: But-

Gaius: Shh!

Arthur: I-

Gaius: No! Do not involve me! I will not be an intermediary between you and Merlin. You two solve your things on your own.

Arthur: (sighs in defeat) Alright.

Gaius: Now. What is that brought you here, your Highness?

Arthur: My father insists the fire in Morgana's chambers was started by sorcery, so... I need names.

Gaius: (his face changes) Oh... I see... (sighs) I'll write down all the suspects I can think of for you, my lord.

Arthur: Thank you.

Gaius: (starts writing down names in a parchment)

Arthur: (looks angry as he does it)

Gaius: (notices and decides to test him) You don't seem particulary happy about this decision, Sire.

Arthur: I'm not. But I can't disobbey the King.

Gaius: But you think the king is wrong?

Arthur: (thinks for a moment before answering) Even if his suspicion were true, arresting everyone suspected of doing sorcery is unjust. Is like arresting everyone that has a sword just because someone was run through with one.

Gaius: (nods and finishes to write) From what I recall, everyone in here had contact with druids or sorcereres at some point, Sire. Geoffrey should have the record of more and their whereabouts, especially the names of the relatives of executed sorcerers in the last years.

Arthur: Thank you again, Gaius, for your service.

Gaius: (gives Arthur the parchment) Once you finish collecting all the names you need, be careful where you put the list, Sire. It would be a shame if someone got a hold of it... and gave the suspects a head start.

Arthur: (catches the message and smiles) I understand. (takes the parchment) I'll keep that in mind. (leaves)

Gaius: (thinking, smiling) They will be fine.

Time skip. In a corridor. Arthur aproaches Merlin.

Arthur: Merlin!

Merlin: (thinking) Shit! (says) Do you need something, my lord?

Arthur: No, don't call me "my lord". Not now. You've been avoinding me all day.

Merlin: (hangs his head) I'm sorry.

Arthur: (sighs) No, it's me who should apologize. Merlin, last night I... (trails off as he notices Merlin is carring some flowers)

Merlin: (nervous, thinking maybe Arthur did notice the things floating around) Right... Arthur, I need to tell you some-

Arthur: Why are you carring those flowers?

Merlin: (looks the flowers) Oh, they are for Morgana. You know, to cheer her up after the fire-

Arthur: (angry) You are bringing flowers for Morgana?

Merlin: (confused) Yes? Is that...bad?

Arthur: (sarcastic) No, it's fine. Totally fine. You gifting a girl flowers. Why would that be bad?

Merlin: It's not like that. Why are you... wait... (smiles in disbelief) You are jealous?

Arthur: (still angry, but blushes) No.

Merlin: You are!

Arthur: Stop smiling! I'm not jealous, but if I were I'll have every right to! You avoided me all day and when I finally find you you are giving a token of your affections to someone else!

Merlin: (now angry too) It's not a "token of my affections". I was just being nice. I told you, I wanted to cheer her up after the fire. Because that's what friends do.

Arthur: Really? Because we've been friends for more than a year and you've never given me any flowers.

Merlin: There was never a fire in your chambers!

Arthur: Right. 🙄

Merlin: (offended) What are you saying? That you think I'm cheating on you?

Arthur: What? No!

Merlin: I can't believe you! We've only been together for 2 days and a half and you already think that low of me? (looks hurt)

Arthur: No! I would never-

Leon: (enters) Sire, the King wants to know if... Uhm... Did I interrumpt something?

Merlin: (turns to Leon with a polite smile) No at all, Sir Leon, you just missed the part when giving flowers to a friend means I'm a whore. (turns around and walks away at a furious pace)

Arthur: I never said that. Merlin!

Merlin: (already gone)

Leon: I'm assuming your apology didn't go well, Sire.

Arthur: Shut up.

Time skip. At night. In Morgana's chambers. Morgana sitting on the bed while Gwen finishes to arranged the room.

Gwen: Oh, I almost forgot. (points the vase with the flowers) Merlin brought this for you.

Morgana: (very surprised) He... did?

Gwen: Why so surprised?

Mogana: (forces a smile) Oh, I just thought he wouldn't dare. With how jealous Arthur can be.

Gwen: They did get into a fight for that. (giggles) Their first couple fight, can you believe it?

Morgana: Uhm.

Gwen: (worried, thinking) She's not even asking for the details. She must be really upset. (sits on the bed next to her and says) I can stay if that would make you feel better.

Morgana: You've done so much already.

Gwen: I don't mind.

Morgana: I thought you were going on a date with Lancelot tonight.

Gwen: I canceled.

Morgana: Gwen-

Gwen: My duty to you is first. (puts a hand on hers) You are not only my Lady. You are my friend.

Morgana: (smiles, her eyes watering with emotion) Thank you. (looks the candles in the room) Can you... take the candles out?

Gwen: Of course. (takes the candles out of the room and then comes back)

Morgana: (lies on the bed leaving a space for Gwen)

Gwen: (lies on the bed next to Morgana)

Morgana: (cuddles with her) I'm scared.

Gwen: A thunder can't strike in the same place twice. You're safe.

Morgana: Not of the fire. My nightmares are getting worse day by day. Telling me horrible things about everything and everyone. And it's getting to the point I... (trail off)

Gwen: What?

Morgana: (tears roll down her eyes) I don't know who to trust anymore.

Time skip. The next day. In Arthur's chambers.

Arthur: (about to enter)

Merlin: (opens the door just when he's about to enter) Oh... hi.

Arthur: Hi...(notices Merlin is carring his chainmail) You are just cleaning that? I told you to do it yesterday.

Merlin: Sorry, I was too busy collecting flowers.

Arthur: (sighs) Merlin, I'm sorry, alright? I never meant to-

Merlin: No, really. Look. (gets out of the door frame so Arthur enters and points the vases full of flowers in the room) I... picked them myself. (blushes)

Arthur: (enters, looking around in awe. The flowers are everywhere!)

Merlin: (puts the chainmail aside) I still think you were jealous obnoxious prat (crosses his arms, angry, but soon softens his expression, blushing) But it's true I haven't had any romantic gesture with you. And you had so many with me... I didn't want to be left behind.

Arthur: (walks to one of the vases and touches the flowers delicately)

Merlin: I know this can't compare to a horse, but-

Arthur: I love it. (turns to Merlin with a big emotional smile) It's perfect.

Merlin: Really? 🥺

Arthur: (laughs softly and holds Merlin's hands tenderly) Really. The most beautiful gift I ever been given.

Merlin: 😍

Arthur: It's also the cheesiest gift I ever been given.

Merlin: You are one to talk! Sir "I got you a purple lily in a pot so it doesn't die".

Arthur: (laughs but then his face changes to worry) Wait, you said you picked them ALL yourself?! 😨 That's too many plants! Are you okay? (holds Merlin by his upper arms)

Merlin: (blushes more) Eh...Yeah, collecting herbs for Gaius it's barely a sting now. This was nothing.

Arthur: (his eyebrows still frowing in concern)

Merlin: (moved by his worry, takes Arthur's hands off his arms gently, but doesn't let go of them) I really am fine.

Arthur: (smiles, more calm) Alright.

Silence.

Arthur: (smiling like a fool) We are... still holding hands.

Merlin: (smiling like a fool too) I know.

Arthur: Do you... want to let go?

Merlin: No.

Arthur: Me neither. But I need this one (lets go of one of Merlin's hands) to give you this (gets a parchment out of his pocket)

Merlin: (takes it) What's this?

Arthur: It's a list of everyone suspected of consorting with sorcerers, witches or druids. Names and last known dwelling places. It's all there.

Merlin: (his face falls) Oh... right. Why are you giving it to me?

Arthur: I don't know what my father will do to suspects once I arrest them, so... I want you to give them a warning before I gather the men to go after them.

Merlin: (in utter shock) You... want me... to help them escape?

Arthur: I know it's a great risk and you probably won't be able to reach them all. Putting you in danger it's the last thing I want. (puts his free hand between Merlin's shoulder an neck) But you are also the only person I trust with this task.

Merlin: (a pang of pain in his heart) Trust?

Arthur: And with my life, to be honest. There's no one I trust more than you.

Merlin: (lets go of him and steps back, the parchment falling to the floor)

Arthur: (frowns) What is it?

Merlin: You shouldn't.

Arthur: What?

Merlin: I haven't been honest with you.

Arthur: Merlin-

Merlin: No! You've been so good to me. It's not fair I haven't been corresponding you in the same way. (his eyes water) Since we started this, us, you've given all of yourself, while I've just been giving you pieces. I should have let you in from the start, I know I should, but I couldn't. I was so scared, I didn't want you to hate me. But thats's also selfish. You deserve more, Arthur, you deserve-

Arthur: Are you leaving me?! 😨

Merlin: What? No!

Arthur: (gives a sigh of relief and brings a hand to his chest) Don't scare me like that!

Merlin: I would never leave you, Arthur... But you may want to leave me after I tell you this. (takes a breath) Arthur-

Arthur: I know.

Merlin: (very surprised) You do?

Arthur: And I understand completely. This is your very first relationship, it's normal that you are not ready for doing some things.

Merlin: ... What? 😧

Arthur: (takes his hands, lovinly) Merlin, I would never force you to do anything you don't want to do.

Merlin: Arthur, that's not-

Arthur: What happened that night, I was affected by my nightmare, but that's no excuse. I acted out of line and for that I sincerely apologize. I'm more than okay with going slow. Truly.

Merlin: (thinking, teary eyes, moved) Why do you have to be this sweet now? You are making this even more difficult! (sighs, thinking) Well, This will have to do... (says) Arthur, I need you to look into my eyes closely and to not stop looking at them, no matter how scared you are.

Arthur: (confused) Why would I be scared?

Merlin: Just do it. Please.

Arthur: (does it)

Merlin: (lets go of Arthur's hands and puts his hands together) Gewyrcan lif. (his eyes turn gold and he opens his hands, a butterfly flying out of them)

Arthur: (between in shock and mesmerized, because he has never watched Merlin doing magic so closely before and it's so beautiful he thinks he'll fall in love all over again)

Merlin: (evades his gaze as soon as he finishes, too ashame, too scared, preparing himself for Arthur's rejection and yet not wanting to recieve it) I… I have magic (tears roll down his eyes) I'm a sorcerer. But I only use my magic for you, Arthur. Only for you. Please, don't hate me-

Arthur: (aproches) Merlin-

Merlin: (steps back, shaking) I was born with it, I didn't have a choice, I swear! I couldn't tell you, but you deserved to know. That's the only thing I kept from you. Everything else is truth! My feelings are truth! I'm still me, I'm still the same person you knew. Please, believe me-

Arthur: (reaches him and lifts his chin so Merlin looks at him in the eye)

Merlin: (flinches, but doesn't move away)

Arthur: You told me to not stop looking at your eyes.

Merlin: (confused, tears still rolling down his eyes and a vulnerable expression on his face) What?

Arthur: I don't hate you. I could never hate you. The only think I hate right now is that you seem so scared... of me. (his eyes watering) You flinched from my touch for the first time and that should never be. You should never feel unsafe around me.

Merlin: I...

Arthur: (smiles) Thank you for trusting me with this. It mustn't have been easy for you. And you have nothing to fear. I won't tell anybody, your secret it's safe with me.

Merlin: (dumbfounded) You... forgive me?

Arthur: (gives a teary laugh) There's nothing to forgive! We are in a kingdom where magic is outlawed. I can't hardly blame you for keeping it secret. (thinking) And yet I did before. And I'm so sorry it took me so long to understand. I'm so sorry, Merlin.

Merlin: (daring to hope) And... you... still love me?

Arthur: (cups his face with one hand lovinly) I love you. All of you. You having magic doesn't change a thing.

Merlin: (breaks down in a crying mess because this was more than he ever bargained for and he's so relieved and so happy, and also so scared none of this is true, because it's too good to be true)

Arthur: (hugs him, protective. His heart breaking for Merlin and furious with the world that made him live in fear for so long) It's alright. You're safe with me. I won't let anything happen to you. You are safe.

Merlin: (still not believing it) You love me!

Arthur: I love you. Everything is alright.

Merlin: (pulls away a little and kisses him suddenly)

Arthur: (startles, but soon kisses back)

Merlin: (turns the kiss more desperate, his hands curling in Arthur's shirt)

Arthur: (separates the kiss, with labor breaths, but still holding Merlin close) Wait, you're vulnerable now. I don't want to take advantage of you.

Merlin: I want to. I really want to. I was just holding back because of my magic.

Arthur: (confused) What are you-

Merlin: (begs) Kiss me. Show me that you love me. Please.

Arthur: (kisses Merlin passionately)

And Merlin knows everything it's alright because Arthur still loves him. Arthur accepts him wholy. Everything is alright.

...

Do you remember that the very first part of this AU said that Arthur confessed he always knew about Merlin's magic and that he is from the future shortly after Merlin confessed he is a sorcerer? Well, let's say it's not going to be that shortly after anymore for drama and plot purposes 😅

I hope you liked this magic revealed. 😊

I'm not done with "The Nightmare Begins". There's still Morgana. What do you think her dreams where about? What does she knows? Find out in the next part of "Merlin: IT WAS ABOUT FUCKING TIME"

Tagging @aceauthorcatqueen , @fallenxjas , @smileytrinity ,@lucifertookmyshoe , @an-entity-i-think , @thecornerofbelu , @griffonskies , @odinjm , @cinnabon-sweetroll-tiramisu , @thelady-mary , @bennedict , @nightninjaboy , @st8-of-grace , @starrieisdelusional , @error-username-not-available , @dogberryrowan , @jamieweasley13 , @tansyuduri , @tercais , @robynnemrys , @evadne01 , @serasvictoria02 , @hairdryerducks , @curiously-lazy , @harriettesthings , @andrealux16 , @wacko-weirdo , @greatdonutenemy , @yougottobekittenme , @anxiousosaurus , @kinkforwings , @someweirdassnamee , @impracticalantlers , @miyriu , @hobipabo , @whitemaskcd , @bogslob , @braziiis , @rubinaitoart

[chaifootsteps]

It's nothing short of maddening because do you think I don't want these two to have more chemistry? That I don't want to want them to be together? Of course I do, a lot of the fandom did! Two characters pining over each other and eating sad cheese products in the dark because they can't live without one another should be the dream!

Either Viv is such a desert of empathy that she doesn't know what drives two human beings to fall in love or she simply doesn't know how to write it, but either way, it's like throwing a bag of seeds down on the hard, rocky, untilled dirt and being confused when you have no crop to show for it three months later.

Stolitz has never had a drop of kindness in it, it's not a love story. It's the story of an abused, gaslit, self-loathing person giving up.

[mc-lukanette]

Marinette didn't know Luka's friends very well despite the years of the two of them knowing each other, so she tried to balance keeping herself "outside" of their friendly bubble while also chiming in whenever she was asked a question directly. It helped that she had her sketchpad with her, so she could mindlessly draw when she wasn't part of the conversation.

It was going well until Claudine spoke up, not at her specifically but it definitely got her attention.

"Hey, anyone know if Luka likes someone?"

Marinette's head snapped up, suddenly very aware of everyone in the room. "W-what?"

Roche acknowledged her with a glance, then raised a brow at Claudine. "Did he do anything to make you think that?"

Mito, who had made himself comfortable sitting on the backrest of the couch, tilted his head at her as well. "Why ask?"

"I'm curious!" Claudine raised a finger. "And because it's a crime! When you hear an amazing song, don't you hate when you learn it's not a hit?"

Roche nodded, but Mito and Marinette remained perplexed.

"That's Luka," Claudine clarified, arms spread. "The guy's soft as a marshmallow and so nice, but he's not dating anyone and can't hold a relationship to save his life!"

That, Marinette could understand. The whole being an adult thing had meant that they'd had to spend so much time getting their lives together, so she'd tried to ignore the pang in her chest when they met back up again, so certain that he would've been dating by then, but nothing. Luka always had so much love in his heart that it seemed like a shame that no one was on the receiving end of it.

Wait—

"Can't hold a relationship?" she repeated. "So he's been on dates?"

Roche answered rather than Claudine, "A few, when they ask."

They. So it wasn't Luka initiating, apparently. It was an oddly relieving feeling.

Claudine nodded at Roche. "And it usually ends after one or two dates."

"Isn't that because he's not interested?" Marinette figured.

"But he always lets them decide if they go on another, and you know how he is," Claudine argued. "He's a sweetheart. I bet he tends to their every need, shows them a good time... why wouldn't they follow up if they felt like they had a chance?"

"Hmmm," Mito hummed, tipping a hat he didn't have and miming smoking from a pipe. "A mystery."

"He might not be good at romance after all?" Roche suggested as an alternative theory. "He just seems like it."

Marinette raised a hand, adding on, "It doesn't sound very Luka to go on dates if he already likes someone."

"Maybe he wants to get over them?" Claudine shrugged. "Could be any reason."

"Who'd reject Luka?" Marinette countered. "Unless he never confessed?"

Mito adjusted his imaginary hat. "You know what they say: love is mute."

"That's—" Roche shook his head, deciding not to bother correcting him.

Marinette considered the information presented to her. The idea that Luka was in love with someone without her knowing sounded ridiculous, because while she'd been away from him for a while, he could've found time to say something to her if the crush had happened before then.

He could've brought it up when they'd watch romance movies together, like when they pressed against each other during one movie in particular where things were tense enough to feel like a horror movie. They'd turned to each other and pretended not to notice until the scene was over, so he could have made conversation then.

And he was so complimentary! He would call her "beautiful" when she was just in her pajamas, "cute" when all she'd done was make a little noise or wiggle excitedly, and constantly praised her intelligence. If he'd already been in love with someone, he would save such compliments for them, and what date of his would not ask for another one when he was like that?

It was as Mito said: a mystery, and one that was making her unconsciously draw Luka in her sketchpad, oops—

"Hey, I'm back," Luka called from the hallway, carrying a drink holder in his arm.

Marinette closed her sketchpad as casually yet quickly as possible, looking up at him with a beaming smile. "Oh! Hi!"

"Hey," he greeted, despite having already done so.

She bit her lower lip, eyeing Luka up and down. He was even more attractive than when they were teens and just as considerate, the size of drinks in the carrier varying depending on how much each person usually drank. She was so curious, wondering how such a man couldn't be dating anyone nor manage to keep his dates from coming back. She racked her brain, idly tapping on her sketchpad as she tried to figure out how she could resolve this for both her and his friends.

Then, something clicked, and the words came out before she could stop them.

"Luka, would you go on a test date with me?"

His smile faltered, shocked lips parting at the sudden request. She shifted anxiously in her seat while the eyes of his friends went to the both of them, and she wondered if it'd been too much. Was she so undateable that even calling it a test date was weird?

Luka's grip on the drink carrier unconsciously loosened. Mito, speeding off the couch towards him, ducked down and placed himself just under the nearly fallen carrier. Standing up fully, he took it from Luka by perfectly balancing it on his head, taking it back to the others so Roche could put it on the table.

The action made Luka move again, eyes darting over to his trio of friends. "What were you guys talking about?"

Marinette pushed herself up, leaving her sketches behind as she approached him. "We were wondering why you can't keep dates with anyone. I thought..." She blushed, gesturing between the two of them and already feeling silly. "If we went out on a date, I'd know?"

"Ah." He covered his mouth, making it harder to know exactly what was going on his head. She tried to peer into his eyes, but he evaded, staring off at a corner of the ceiling.

Were his cheeks pink? Was he thinking about his mystery crush just at the mention of a date? Was Claudine right?

Just as Marinette started to get worried, the hand on his chin lowered to reveal a lopsided smile. He made eye contact with her again, voice full of amusement. "We could do it, but I don't think you'd be able to tell."

She tilted her head at the emphasis, which implied that she specifically wouldn't be able to tell. Was it because she didn't know who he liked, or he thought she wasn't perceptive enough, or...

Eyes narrowing, she asked directly, "Is that a challenge?"

Luka went wide-eyed, his hand dropping from his chin and hovering awkwardly at chest level. Roche, Mito, and Claudine had already whipped out their drinks, sipping from them and huddled together as they watched the two intently.

"What?" Luka blinked helplessly. "No—"

"I accept." Marinette straightened, poking him in the chest as her competitive side came out front and center. "I'm going to figure you out. Looking forward to our date, Luka Couffaine."

With a huff, she turned back around and went to her seat, plopping down and reopening her sketchpad. She blushed seeing the sketch she'd just drawn of him, then hurriedly flipped to another page and started drawing something else.

She could handle this, she thought. Worst case scenario, she'd still get a date with her multi-year one-sided crush.

[jeonscatalyst]

Fuck Hybe and Fuck Min Heejin. I hate how they keep using their artists as meat shields.

Hybe made this whole thing public to try to use MHJ as a scapegoat to all of their wrongdoings, and used their artists for sympathy to get the public on their side.

Then Min Heejin manipulated NewJeans into ruining their careers for her and put this horrible mentality in their mind that they're nothing without her.

Then we find out Hybe has been mistreating Taehyung, letting the people who leaked Jimin's personal documents go without taking any legal action, committing fraudulent album sales, and prioritizing gaining money over their artists protection and wellbeing.

And now, Min Heejin is trying to use Taehyung for sympathy points by bringing up something that happened last year, and pretending she's his friend. He's already dealing with the hardships of military service and now she drags him into her mess. If she was really his friend she wouldn't use him like this, especially at such a delicate time for him.

I hope all the artists are well. I can't imagine how hard it's been for them to deal with all the consequences of the company's mistakes. I just wanna give them all a huge hug 😢💜

Let's protect ourselves as well, as infuriating as it is, we can't let this mess take over our lives and ruin our days. The best we can do is support the artists and remind them about how loved they are. Taking sides and sending hatred is only helping the perpetrators fight each other.

I hope you're doing well!

Borahae 💜

Hey @moo-mood

I understand what you are saying but I think some of the points your brought up are pure conjecture as there is not a single shred of proof from the documents that shows that any of the BTS members are being mistreated. I think that fans are so sensitive of their idols they don’t understand the difference between a label having an opinion on an artist and an artist actually being mistreated.

I have seen people read and misunderstand those documents and I don’t even know where to start from in correcting some of those things. I have seen Tae’s fans promise to bring down the company because apparently the company has been sabotaging Taehyung but there is actually nothing in those documents that support this claim. They had an opinion on Tae’s album and suddenly that was sabotage to Tae stans. The same way they mentioned that Tae’s dating rumors might have helped other members live more peacefully in their private lives and Tae fans took that to mean that Hybe orchestrated the rumours so other members could live freely. The lack of reading comprehension or even understanding what those documents were about in the first place is truly astounding.

Don’t get me wrong though. I don’t for one moment think that company is innocent. As a matter of fact I think they are just as dirty as any other entertainment company and everyone with a brain knows that for these companies to get so big, they have to dip their feet in dirty waters and Hybe definitely is no different. They all have to play the dirty game to keep up with the competition and taekookers are acting like they were right all along and are trying to link every mention of Jk , Tae and Jimin in those documents to a nonexistent romance between Tae and Kook. I don’t think of Bang PD as a saint but I think he actually cares about BTS members and this isn’t because of anything he does or says but because of what the members do and say and how I have seen them around him for years. Watching them, you could easily tell that he didn’t treat them like a boss would but actually like his little friends or younger brothers. You see how he allowed the boys to be able to give him their honest opinions of how he ran things starting from Rookie king when he made it possible for the boys to climb that platform and yell out any grievances they had towards him or anyone else and how Jimin wasn’t afraid to tell him that his previous melody for DNA sucked and he listened and changed it . That is not a dictator. That is not something someone who doesn’t care about the boys or their opinions would do. You also see how freely they tease him, how happy they seem around him, they even have this funny drawing of him that they always laugh about, the even go as far as teasing him about his weight and he just laughs it off.

They have spoken endlessly about how well he treats them and about how good he has been to them. He is usually in the habit of treating the boys to one on one meals and even invited Jin over and cooked for him. We even see how closely Jungkook worked with him in the solo era and I’m sure working with him wasn’t the only option he had.

One thing that I have always found funny is that Tae stans swear that Tae detests bang PD but watch these videos

And this one

Is this how people behave with someone who maltreats them? Pay attention to the part where bang pd calls them after they win first place, Tae is the one excitedly holding the phone and calling him “shiyuk hyung” instead of referring to him with more professional appellations. Also recently, bang pd did a show or something of the sort with JYP and Taehyung screenshotted it and posted it on his instagram story and captioned it something like “does this mean he “JYP” is now my uncle?” Why on earth would he do this if he hated bang pd? Why would he do this if he was sabotaged and mistreated so much by the company?

I think Bang PD is a piece of work and is just like any other money hungry and egotistical boss is but I think he always cared about BTS, I mean that was his first group and they came up together from nothing to something. This isn’t to say that they probably haven’t had misunderstandings but generally I think they have a good relationship with the company regardless of what some fans think.

As for Min Hee Jin, I am somewhat indifferent about her because I don’t know enough about her to form a strong opinion and I Know that in her fight with Hybe, both parties are definitely guilty of things but I think her move to mention how Tae contacts her amidst all of this was low, even for her. Dragging the members into their fights to gain sympathy is low and she knew exactly what she was doing because now she has supporters from within the fandom who are Tae stans and that is because they think she cares about him and Tae likes her. She claims she cares about NJs but look at the nasty things she said about them.

Anyways, hun, let’s just trust in the members and know that they are old enough to take care of themselves and know what is good for them and what isn’t. If at all they are being mistreated, I trust that they would know how to deal with it.

Thanks💜

[transbianmuffin]

Memories pt. 3

cw manipulation but we all know she wants to be a pet, also two queer flirting and a hint of gaslighting

********

this thing is huge, and it's almost nonsensical, so much complexity so incredibly decorated so alienating?

"This is...incredible..."

"This, dear, is Opicala. The main Affini ship overseeing Jupiter."

"How? How? It's..."

"Huge? Fantastic? I know you tend to struggle with words." "Majestic!" "Haha, yes majestic is a nice one to describe it." "..." "I know, I know, most of sophonts don't comprehend the grandeur of Affini's architecture." wait those two affini have people? on a leash? what the hell? I've heard about domestication but I thought it was mostly reducing them to zombies and those guys are making out? they seem so happy so carefree what is happening and why why why I- I like it? No I don't want to be a slave I want peace not being a slave again "But I guess you're not looking at the architecture, don't you?" "Those people, collared, on a leash. Are your slaves? Is this what's gonna happen to me?"

they seem so happy, their eyes filled with bliss their mouths drooling each other's saliva and they seem no to care about a thing which is not their own tongues twitching and swirling "Slaves? Dirt, no! Absolutely not. My dear, those are pets. Domesticated sophonts, and we love our pets so much." "I was told that you enslaved people, keeping them drugged and compliant and used them as your servitude or to do menial work for your empire..." "The rebel propaganda really got you there, my beautiful terran. No, not at all. Well, they are drugged most of the times. That part is true, but I can assure you they really like it. As you did, a couple of days ago when we had our first chat." "What will be of me?" "Well, techinically you'd have been sent to forced domestication since you are a rebel. It is also true, though, that you did what you did and that would make you a defector. In addition to that you surrendered without any resistance and moreover you gave us some very useful intel." "So?" "So, my dear, I filed a special plead for you. You won't be assigned to forced domestication. You will stay here for a while and then we will drop you wherever you like on Jupiter. Lastly, we will grant you the status of 'independent terran', unless..." "U- unless?" "Unless you'd actually want to stay and be a pet, my dear. Oh you would be the cutest of them all. You'd have to either pick or be picked by an owner and you will live forever in care and bliss." oh god oh god a pet? would I be a good pet? I mean those two earlier seemed to be happy but maybe there were only high as fuck but being a pet seems so nice

"An owner, like you?" "Ah, you're saying this, not me~" "I- I don't know." "There is another little thing I forgot to mention." "Now you're scaring me." "Good, you will learn to fear the giant plant girl which work consists mainly in interrogating and inflicting terrible tortures to rebels." "...Sinea..." "Just kidding, just kidding! Look at your face, stars you are so damn cute! Anyway, I saw from your medical report that you were under special medications for HRT, am I correct?" "Y-yes." "Well I think it is worth mentioning that the meds you were taking are nothing more than candies compared to our Class G. Which is basically the same thing but way more advanced and effective." "Oh..."

is she lying? maybe she wants to drug me again but maybe I can trust her, she's been so kind with me and advanced HRT is a dream come true

"Am I picking your interest there?" "Y-yes." "Of course this is not to convince you at all. I am just saying that here you will be loved in a way you have never experienced. You are free to go whenever. Just say a place on Jupiter and we'll drop you there instantly, Deena." "I need some time. I am tired and it's a lot to process." "That's perfectly understandable, little one. Want me to carry you?" "..." "Stars, when you give me those puppy eyes I- I simply can't! Come on. Here." "Those pets."

god they seemed so happy I was envious? jealous? yes that's the word

"Those pets, yes." "Those pets." "Yes those were pets. Do you have any specific consideration you want to make here or are you simply stating a matter of fact, my dear?" "They seemed so happy. Their kisses so blissful, their minds overwhelmed with joy and passion." "Florets usually do that. Here they are safe, protected, free to explore their true self, their true nature. Nobody judges them and the joy you saw in their eyes was certaintly shared by their respective owners."

"I would like to talk to one of them, if possible." "I have a better idea. There will be a little social gathering among florets later, their owners will be there but they won't interfere too much in their interactions. While I am not still your owner, I am your temporary ward so I can vouch for you. There you can talk to any of them and maybe even do something more than talking~" "S- still?"

what does she mean with still? still? she wants me to be her pet? what?

"Uh?" "You said you are not still my owner." "No, no my dear you must have misheard. I said that I am not your owner, which is true. I mean I could be your owner if that's what you want but the choice is yours and only yours."

maybe I misheard? I am sure she said that but I'm also tired and the feeling of her vines around me are so beautifully distracting

"I- I think I'm sure of what i've heard?" "Aw darling~ you are so tired, sometimes it happens to misheard stuff when we are tired. Misheard or projecting. Anyway, would you like to go to the floret's gathering?" "Maybe you're right. I am really tired but yes, Sinea, I'd love to go." "Very well, but first I must to inform you that I won't let my ward take part in a social event without some glowing up. You still smell of surgical sanitizer and your dress is unacceptable. I have a reputation." "Sure..." "That's my good girl. We will go at mine, have a bath, some grooming and I'll provide you with something suitable to wear."

hehe good girl~ wait a second a bath, a dress? what am I a doll? but I don't want to make her feel bad at the gathering I guess I can see how it goes

********

[hestzhyen]

Chapter 56 Karasu Posting

Hooooooly moly dear void. I will de-feral this as much as possible before posting, but full disclosure: I am not hiding my Hakuri bias at all this time. Thank you once again for tolerating my bullshit.

Now that I have access to the JP version, I can try to TL the editor's notes that are left out of the EN version! They're not super important or anything, but it's still an unnecessary corner to cut IMO. Other languages like Spanish keep them in...

(Please consider this and all other TLs practice for myself and not an actual competent interpretation, kind void.)

First page: 代償と覚悟- [taishou to kakugo-, "Cost and resolve..."]; I think a better, less literal translation would be along the lines of "The cost of one's resolve...", but again, not in any way competent at this. Last page: 妖刀振るう者の実力戦況が動く-!! [youtou furuu mono no jitsuryoku senkyou ga ugoku-!!, "The tide of battle shifts as the Bearer shows his true abilities through his enchanted blade...!!"]; 戦況 (senkyou) literally means "progress of a battle" or "war situation" but I think it's equivalent enough to the phrase "tide of battle" to translate it as such. It sounds a lot less stiff that way anyway... and yeah, 妖刀 (youtou, bewitched/magical/demon sword) is what the enchanted blades are called in Japanese, just like 振るう者 (furuu mono, wielder) are the Bearers. This one's honestly a toughie for me since it's hard to keep all the connotations without the sentence getting clunky or too far off from the original. Welp, that's why I'm just a total amateur still!

Also, putting this here in case it's left untranslated in the EN version: In regards to Samura's command when he draws Tobimune, karasu (鴉) means "crow" or "raven"- hence all the feathers. What an awesome reuse of the theme from Roku no Meiyaku!

Someone save this one-shot from MTL hell pretty please

Crows can represent good omens in Japan- they're associated with gratitude, guidance, and good luck in addition to the usual things like cleverness and trickery. Pretty fitting for Samura, I'd say! Especially with the backstory we got about him and the Makizumi this chapter.

On Respect for Life

I love Hokazono-sensei's chibi style. Look at Samura scolding his guards like Shiba scolded Hakuri and Chihiro!

This manga seriously never misses on the found family wholesomeness. I know we're getting this backstory to make the potential upcoming deaths hurt so much more- the only question I'm asking right now is how many of them will live through whatever the Hishaku's trump card is. I just love seeing characters care deeply for each other beyond the sake of duty, y'know? No mater how they meet, they connect and come to value each other's lives as much as or more than their own. That's peak shounen!

Samura's so passionate about saving the lives that others are willing to give up for his sake that he can't bear to leave them behind even when it's for the best. It takes Uruha's intervention to get him the hell out of there but he immediately wants to charge back in. He wants to save no matter how much it conflicts with his personal beliefs or how much it will cost him personally- no matter how much it will cost the whole nation if he dies (sounds like someone else we know).

What about Uruha, though? He's not quite like his (former) master- he's been tempered differently and I can't wait to find out why. He seems to be very accepting of letting other people die for his sake again.

Uruha has the same abundant respect for life and the desire to protect that Samura does but it manifests completely differently. He still recklessly jumps in to save the day, but he's far more prudent about strategy despite being younger. To Uruha, valuing the lives of the guards means acknowledging the importance they place on his own. He respects their devotion by staying alive to ensure their sacrifices aren't in vain. It's about honoring the choice they made, even if it hurts him to do so. (And possibly another thing, but that'll be near the end since it's kind of a reach on my part.)

Master and disciple of the same style with completely different outlooks on how to emphasize the importance of life. Which one will be given credence by the story here, though? Depends on a technically unrelated third party.

Hakuri, the Makizumi, and Samura

Hmmmmmmmmm who does this sound like.

If there were any doubts about what this part of the arc is for, let them be forever cast aside: this is for Hakuri's growth. The Makizumi, Uruha, and even Samura are here to focus on key aspects of Hakuri's character, namely his two biggest flaws: "freakishly devoted" and "not valuing himself enough or in the right way".

The obsessive devotion of the Sazanami clan was cast in a negative light- seeing themselves as tools, tradition over humanity, Soya's entire character. Now we have the Makizumi, a clan who also see themselves as tools to live for a master's sake. They're being shown in a positive way though: they're lovingly devoted to Samura's well-being, and the sacrifice they plan to make is noble instead of terribly pointless. But it's not because of their mindset- that's way too close to the Sazanami's for comfort. It's because they were humanized by being with Samura.

He rejected their protection and utility despite the air-tight logic of their argument. He absolutely refuses to let them die for his sake even though they essentially exist to do so. He's not a guy who trivializes life even if he's given full license to do so because it goes against his sincerely held beliefs. Instead, Samura sees them as people to care for and protect in return- that's how he values life (who else does that sound like?).

Now look at Hakuri.

Like the Makizumi, he lives to be useful. Working with Chihiro means making the world a better place so there will never be another Ice Lady. His life has no value other than how useful he is and what Chihiro sets it to (hence all the allusions to Hakuri being Chihiro's dog in the Japanese version).

Like Samura, he absolutely will not let others die for his sake. Even disregarding his own inherent value as a person, it doesn't matter to him that he's a key part of the plan for national stability. Whatever happens to him is of no consequence if it means others are safe. He will not let another life slip through his hands again.

So yes, this part of the arc at Senkutsuji is (almost) all for Hakuri. Uruha was an obvious parallel to him from the start, and now Samura's a mirror of his ardent savior complex while the Makizumi reflect the mindset that fuels it.

Sazanami Hakuri: #1 enabler of recklessly suicidal behavior.

What happens next depends on where Hakuri's character growth is intended to go. If he's supposed to be more like Samura, his actions will save the day and everything will be fine even if he himself is out of commission for a while. But if he's supposed to be more like Uruha, then this victory will be fleeting. I think the latter is the more compelling development, personally. There's nothing new or exciting about a character exceeding their limits to achieve an upset victory here. Hakuri's done it three times now, in fact. But I'll have more to say on this later. For now...

Shameless Hakuri Praising

I am absolutely insane over the colour page. It's the first one for a solo character that isn't Chihiro and it's just to show off Hakuri looking absolutely incredible!

Normally don't post the full thing but LOOK AT HIM. HE'S SO COOL!

//NOTE: May as well mark it in the off-chance it isn't removed: the kanji in the blue box is just the title of the series (神楽鉢, Kagurabachi).

I should have been more confident and not let someone talk me out of the "I'm the only one" connection to Kyora's willpower last week. I won't go back to edit it- that mistake will stay forever. But holy shit. I am in love with this colour page and all it represents. I've been waiting for ages for us to get reminders that Hakuri is still a Sazanami! He only destroyed his family about 24 hours ago, so their ideals are still very much present in him and core to who he is.

It's even down to the suit he's wearing! It's the same as his younger appearance in the Ch. 20 flashback panel, just with Kyoura's ugly tie from the Ch. 31 colour page:

Apologies yet again for my shitty MSPaint skills.

This is everything I wanted! Repudiating his family's ideals, taking them down, and leaving them behind to make the world a better place didn't undo everything that he was trained to do for his deeply-held beliefs. Hakuri still carries the legacy of his family with him in how he devotes his entire being to a cause. He's still his father's son.

There's his name, too! 伯理 [Hakuri] means "logical chief". It implies that the person is due respect as the family's role model, among other interesting things. So dressing him up in a suit and giving him his dad's tie makes me go just a skosh feral. He's the true Sazanami ideal that Kyoura could never be- living up to his name despite everything that happened between him and his family. Call it reaching if you want! I won't deny that it's a tenuous implication at best. But I love this kind of shit so I'm going to hold it close and gnaw on it in delulu land.

One last possible interpretation (and my personal favourite)- if the JP text is removed as usual from the EN version, the caption on it is: 胸に秘めたその信念- [mune ni hi meta sono shinen-; "The conviction(s) hidden in his heart..."] (curse Japanese for being vague about singular vs. plural so often) .

Hm. What could such an exuberant character like Hakuri be hiding? This guy is completely open about what he's thinking and feeling at all times- there's no mystery about what's going on with him.

Unless, of course, it has to do with his whole raison d'être.

Ice Lady is a complete unknown to Chihiro, Shiba, and everyone else. He only mentioned her as "someone who set [him] on the right path" in a flash back panel in chapter 34. He keeps what he did to her close to his heart, hidden away from the world. I hope this part of his backstory comes into play this arc or in the future. Her suicide completely changed his mentality but it got mixed into his slavish devotion mindset. He just shifted the focus of that resolve from the Rakuzaichi to saving lives.

But there's something else too. Something much more fundamental affects how Hakuri sees the world and himself that he doesn't talk about, much less acknowledge.

Most people would not frame this kind of physical harm as "love" in any way, shape, or form.

I made a separate post to go way too-depth about this facet of his character but here's the gist: Hakuri's deeply held belief in his own lack of worth is a key factor in his suicidal recklessness when it comes to acting on his other convictions.

He's used to thinking of himself as completely disposable just from the indoctrination he received as a Sazanami, but shovel a heaping helping of abusive, manipulative "love" on top of that? Hoo boy. Hakuri's got some harmful beliefs about his self-worth that he's not ready to face yet, much yet talk about. There's a reason why he's still got those Visual Metaphor Tools still hidden in his warehouse.

Hakuri's true reasons for acting the way he does are hidden alongside the beliefs about himself that he's yet to address, the combination of which are sending him into a self-destructive spiral. Deprogramming arc when?! I've always got my clown suit ready but come on...! Mentioning it so prominently means it's important, right? I'll get to see him talk about his past and trauma with Chihiro (or someone else he comes to trust) to start healing for real, right? RIGHT?!

Nice delusional rant, bro. But what about the chapter itself? Well, there's this deliberate artistic choice:

Chs. 42 & 56

Like father, like son.

Note the cracked mask and double lines that give a sort of distorted pulsing impression for them both. It's a cool as hell way to show them working against enormous mental strain, and they're the only characters to have this effect in the series so far. We're truly meant to see Kyora in Hakuri this chapter.

Of course he passes out right after. But never, ever doubt a Sazanami's capability to defend to the death.

[incoherent screeching]

God I love Hakuri so much. He responds to Samura's will resonating with his own and gives him exactly what he needs to save everyone like he's the Lady of the Lake: Kagurabachi edition.

Hakuri's resolve is the stuff of legends, no doubt about that. Chihiro was right to feel like he couldn't measure up to this guy's sheer tenacity; he's got a will of adamant, just like Kyora.

It's also leading him down the same path of self-destruction. So this moment is clutch as hell and I am cheering for him, yes... but I'm also wondering how the narrative will punish him.

Again, he's not dying despite that being noted as a possible outcome. So the question becomes: how dire was Healer Lady's "you'll lose your sorcery" warning in truth? I'm still 50/50 on him losing access at all, much less permanently. Might lean closer to losing access now than before, but it's not changed much.

Instead, I'm waiting to see how much I should keep glazing the writing.

Death Tangent (Hakuri Edition)

I lost a lot of faith in shounen series in general after I realized that "stop, you'll die!" is just a flat-out lie 99% of the time. Yeah, I know, death doesn't have to be the end result just because a character yelled about it. But the consequences of risking death should make me believe that it really was a possible outcome. It's almost insulting for a writer to try and convince me that the stakes really are that high before having everything be fine after a short bed rest.

Hm, that sounds familiar...

The stakes (chapter 42).

The consequences (chapter 45).

Shiba already committed this sin in chapter 42 and I let it slide because it was the only time so far it'd been invoked. And yeah, Chihiro probably would have went poof without recourse if he couldn't get out of the storehouse in time. But he's the main character so of course he wasn't going to die. Hakuri was the only one truly in danger there.

Char's existence also negates the worst outcomes. It's pretty safe to assume that she can heal any physical wounds our heroes incur- she can even regrow missing limbs with enough time after all! So the default stakes of "stop, you'll die!" are zilch unless the character is killed on the spot or succumbs before they can get to her (which is also undermined by Shiba's teleportation abilities).

...Or if they injure themselves in a way that Char can't help with. Which is why Chihiro's fine, but Hakuri's still struggling.

So, I might be giving the author too much credit with what I'm going to say here. I fully and freely admit it- it wouldn't be the first time I've done this. Yet I feel like the "deadly outcome" scenario here in chapter 56 isn't purely to create tension through cheap tactics. Neither, in fact, was Shiba's line in chapter 42 despite me writing it off as such. Instead, they're mentioned to highlight how self-destructive Hakuri is and set him up for changing that. Reasons being:

Healer lady mentioned death as a worst-case scenario alongside the more plausible consequence of losing his sorcery.

2. This is a direct continuation of the consequences from Shiba's exclamation in Ch. 42 instead of another one-off moment for dramatic tension.

Hakuri is mostly OK after Char's help and a good night's sleep. But he can't use his sorcery without passing out and looks like he's got a bit of a headache too. And what's this? He'll be fine in a few days but he keeps straining himself over and over? He's KOed by the pain with a nosebleed when he keeps pushing? Would you look at that- consequences. And he keeps making them worse!

Hakuri is trying to do that shounen protagonist thing of bashing his head against the wall until it crumbles from his sheer persistence. He got off almost scot-free the first time but he won't wait the few days it'll take to recover. He won't even let himself be taken elsewhere to shorten the time to 30 minutes. That's why we see him in the same state as Kyora when he was fighting off Magatsumi's influence in his death throes- Hakuri's actually risking his life using his abilities now. He's going to genuinely invite death over and over until he's forced not to somehow.

So what'll it be for him? Losing all his sorcery forever- or maybe only temporarily? Shoved offscreen in a coma? Another good night's sleep and actual rest for a week or two to be right as rain? Still running on fumes until the end of the arc? I'll be (unfairly) using the outcome of this situation to decide whether or not to take my sky-high evaluation of the series' writing down a notch. I have no problem putting on a rainbow wig and squeaky shoes if this all turns out to be me making delusional excuses. God knows I've done that plenty as a long-time KH fan and SoRiku shipper. I just want to know what to expect in return for trusting the author with my emotional investment. I can forgive a lot of things, but not having proper consequences for invoking death as an outcome really sticks in my craw.

Miscellaneous Thoughts

Samura and Uruha's argument also ties into the larger themes that I'm hoping get explored when it's time to focus on the Kamunabi as an org: the greatest good vs. the greater good for all. There are strong cases to be made on both sides of the divide and it's possible that some of them will be explored through Chihiro and Hiyuki when we get to them.

In Samura and Uruha's case, Samura is going against the government's well-justified interest in keeping him alive at all costs to act on his personal beliefs. It's noble and heroic- no one can deny that saving lives is an immensely good deed. But it's also a selfish act that exposes the nation to risk. Uruha is the voice of the other side of that philosophical argument saying that it's justifiable to sacrifice a few for the benefit of the many. He loathes that people are dying for him just as much as Samura does. But like Hakuri noted, he understands his own value in the grand scheme of things and acts according to what's best for the majority. In this case, he prioritizes his own life so that the Hishaku can't use a magical nuke in the event of his death.

This could just be reaching on my part, but I feel like it's a prelude to the eventual values conflict between Chihiro and Hiyuki. Chihiro acts in his own interests to do the greatest good he can while Hiyuki (so far) aligns with the Kamunabi's views that power of that level should be controlled for the good of the nation. Her view of Chihiro as a person shifted after the Rakuzaichi- she's willing to help him make his case to her superiors. But we haven't seen a hint of change in this mindset yet:

Ch. 20

Not to mention Kazane and Ikuto still (barely) hanging around after the Sojo debacle.

Chihiro's position hasn't budged at all either. He's got his dad's words about not letting the Kamunabi have access to the blades front and center in his mind, right next to the Hishaku wanting the Kamunabi to have exactly that. They're gonna clash over this for sure. I'm just waiting for the time to come.

On character writing...

I know it's just basic storytelling and Hokazono-sensei's not the first or only author to do it so well, but I truly admire how intricately he writes characters to compliment and bounce off of each other. There are never polar opposites who are simple contrasts. Hakuri and Chihiro, Uruha and Samura- each foil pair is a pleasing blend of shared and opposing ideology and expressions that highlight each other's defining traits, bringing out both the best and worst in each other.

Also, I love all the passionate men in this series. It's so awesome to have a cast whose ages skew heavily into the 30's and 40's still be so damn fiery and hot-headed. Even more temperate ones like Kyora are so full of conviction that they put the younger generation to shame in some respects! They aren't there to just dispense sage wisdom and remind the youngsters to keep the bigger picture in mind. They're flawed people burdened with trauma living life and guiding the younger cast with the best they have. There are some major fuck-ups along the way too- like everything Kyora did to his sons, and Samura accidentally influencing Chihiro to think he's a monster. They have issues that are unconsciously passed along to keep amplifying the manga's core theme of "legacy"- how it's made and echoes through generations. I LOVE STRONG THEMATIC STORYTELLING AT EVERY LEVEL.

Guess I had a lot to yap about this time after a few lighter weeks in a row. Sorry about that, void. Thank you as always if you made it this far. Do a small act of kindness for yourself today, okay?

[desperatelyneedcoffee]

Not something I normally post about but like I absolutely love the series Bones. I've watched it a good few times so I know what to expect. I haven't watched it in a few years so I started binge watching it again this year.

I just got up to the episode where Sweets dies. I saw Aubrey and I knew Sweets was going to die soon. I was prepared and all that and I thankfully didn't find it as sad as I used to.

His death made me realise that he's one of the only people to truly know Booth. We have Brennan, Dr Saroyan and Sweets. Dr Saroyan knew Booth better before he formed a close relationship with Brennan. She still knew him really well but I feel like they may have drifted apart slightly so she didn't get to know the him that grew more since he met Brennan.

Brennan obviously knows Booth from before they became partners but they weren't close. They nearly had their chance earlier on but they decided not to follow their feelings that night. Then they began to trust one another once they became partners, fully trusting each others abilities and knowing what each other would be thinking and doing during certain situations. She knew his trauma on an emotional and physical level, knowing where each bruise, fracture and break was. She may not have understood the reason why Booth did things or thought certain things sometimes but she went along with it anyway.

Sweets knew Booth's scars, mental and physical. He knew how his brain and heart worked. He knew what God meant to him, what his job and colleagues meant to him, his family, his friends, victims and fellow inmates. He may not have known where each bruise, fracture and break was like Brennan but he knew his backstory. He could somewhat relate to it as well and use his experience to understand how Booth felt without using his psychology. He knew how Booth felt when his trust was broken and what would go through his head when processing it. How it would take time to actually be able to trust his close friends and family again even if they weren't the ones to break his trust. He could quite literally analyse Booth without even talking to him, he knew what to expect with him. And Sweets is gone. The person that knew when to back off and when to push to get Booth to open up.

I know Brennan and Saroyan may be good at these things but I just think that Sweets was on another level. Some things they just can't understand or get out of Booth like Sweets could. And I think Booth would miss him a shit ton. He quite literally was a son to him. Like he fucking lived with him and was treated like a child half the time. His apartment neighbours literally thought he was moving out of his parents' (Booth and Brennan's) house when they helped him take his stuff to his new place. Booth literally lost his nerdy, adult, psychologist son who knew him much better than anyone else in certain ways. Like omg. How tf does he even cope???

[noomyguts]

reading daniel and armands sections from queen of the damned, like damn yall its real, they kiss on the mouth and say shit like "my beautiful boy" "my beloved" "my lover", armand trying to be the ultimate sugar daddy and give daniel everything a human could want, while daniel begs to be turned and gets depressed when armand says he'd rather kill daniel than see him turned into a vampire

[meidui]

the way tony is so ruthless when he's fighting steve in siberia but then steve actually goes down and tony tells him to stay down but when has steve ever stayed down and this time tony just stands there watching him get back up and we don't get to see tony's face because the iron man helmet is on.... he was probably feeling the most convoluted compound of hurt and hatred and anger and admiration and oh my god i'm going to chew through his titanium gold alloy

i give this movie so much shit but the choice of showing robert's face versus only showing the exterior of the iron man armour in the sibera fight scene is so good because when we see his face either exposed or with the hud (did you know) (do you even remember them) (i don't care, he killed my mom) (so was i) (that shield doesn't belong to you, you don't deserve it, my father made that shield), he's being very human and sympathetic, and to me it kind of shows how steve is also seeing *tony* and we're reminded that tony is steve's friend and a protagonist as well, but when his face is hidden (for example when he blows off bucky's arm and during the whole sequence between "so was i" and steve finally disabling the suit) it's like he's being poised as the villain in the scene but then the helmet comes off in the end and tony's all battered and broken under there too just like steve is and aahhhhhh

what would it actually take for them to break up forever?? i think NOTHING because tony tried to kill james bucky fucking barnes and steve not only never faulted him for it, he sat down and wrote him a letter where his first words were "i'm glad you're back at the compound, i don't like the idea of you rattling around a mansion by yourself" and the last words were "if you need me, i'll be there"???? and tony's bruise hasn't even healed yet when ross calls about the raft prison break and he doesn't think twice about covering steve's ass????? WHAT THE FUC K IS WRONG WITH THEM

[aleksanderscult]

Was Aleksander power-hungry or wanted power to use it for the protection of his people?

This question is one of the most hotly debatable in this fandom and I decided to clear this out not by analyzing his words through the POV of other characters (who don't believe him and therefore the reader finds him a liar) but through his own perspective in "Rule of Wolves".

So let's take an objective look inside his own thoughts and find out.

His very first thoughts were how could he reclaim his powers, describing the whole experience as somewhat painful and confusing to him. His second were about Alina.

And these are his third ones. He explains how utterly worthless Nikolai and Zoya are to save Ravka. How immature and weak. Aleksander finds himself to be the only one able for this task. His powers, experience and general abilities are testament to that.

But note how he calls Ravka "his country". From the carved woods decorating his bedroom to his knowledge of "every pebble and branch" of it, this country is special to him. He loves it, feels a connection to it and wants to protect it.

(You just can't call the Darkling "unpatriotic")

He displays bitterness for his loss and Ravka's new state just verifies to him that his plans would only prevent this decaying fate.

Yuri: "Sankta Alina who gave her life for Ravka"

Aleksander: "Am I a joke to you?"

And indeed is he?

Aleksander displays a very strong resentment for the lack of recognition he has gained. His statement: "I gave my life for Ravka" probably doesn't only allude to his death from Alina's hands but also his total commitment in the protection of the Grisha and Ravka that lasted for centuries. He gave his life away by pushing his personal happiness and well-being aside and wholly dedicating his life and skills to a selfless goal. He wasted years, allies, soldiers, endured otkazat'sya Kings that rule him, a bitter mother and his own immortality only for others to hurriedly erase any memory of him once he's gone.

So it seems that his desire to be seen only stems from his long-awaited and secret wish for his actions to be recognized.

Based on the last screenshot, he views his actions as justified not because of a "power-hungry nature" but out of his efforts to help others. Whether these actions are justified or not depends on the reader.

I believe this is one of the most concrete evidence that Aleksander truly cared about the Grisha.

He felt intense anger for those who were ignorant and apathetic towards the Grisha's fate and he himself cared about who was gonna sit the Ravkan throne.

No matter how much humanity he shed as the years passed, it seems that he didn't shed all of it by the time of these books.

Apparently Aleksander had two main goals in this book:

- To protect his people and country as he always strived to do.

- For others to finally give him some credit and have their acknowledgment that yes, he has done something for this country all these years.

In order to help the Grisha and change their fates he needed to be in a position of strength, hence his desire to take the throne. He views himself as a fatherly figure towards his people. A protector and guardian.

But he also wants to become a Saint and king. For people to look up to him. So many Saints had done less than half in comparison to Aleksander and they still won people's love. Now it's his turn and he thinks he deserves it.

I'm adding a short parenthesis here.

His concern didn't only extent to the Grisha but to his blind, otkazat'sya followers as well.

He cared about what would happen in the battlefield and seemed ready to create nichevo'ya to protect them. Merzost is extremely painful but this "selfish" villain is ready to use it to protect his naive but innocent army.

A hundred of years ago Aleksander refused the King's gold as payment for his services. Instead he opted to plead for the construction of a palace. A home and haven for all the Grisha that were hiding out of fear from the persecution against them.

He saw his chance and took it to make the lives of his people a little better.

So this whole "the Darkling created the Fold out of his desire for power" was bullshit after all.

He wanted power but only to use it to end the wars. Ironically, the result of it (aka. the Fold) only aggravated the problem.

And the Darkling's dream never came entirely true. He gave them a home but never a safe life. Ravka was almost always at war, Grisha were never accepted, the Ravkan kings never paid much attention to the Grisha's problems regarding their role in society which placed them almost at the bottom of the food chain.

All these things worried Aleksander and pushed him to action both when he created the Fold and when he started the Civil War.

The Darkling has a very different mentality than those who don't have the burden of immortality on their shoulders.

Aleksander uses time as an advantage and has a remarkable patience. He bides his time and strikes when he sees the opportunity, leaving other people to die since they're only just a part of a whole. He probably thinks: "Well, I'll meet plenty more new otkazat'sya in the future so why should I be concerned for this bunch here?"

But the bleak future of the Grisha make him stop and think. They're the only reason why he stays and fight and why he proclaimed Zoya a Saint.

So it's obvious that Aleksander only used power for the benefit of his people and country.

- When king Yevgeni offered him a handsome reward, Aleksander turned it down and chose to appeal for a better future for the rest of the Grisha.

- When the wars didn't stop coming and Grisha were again getting killed, he tried to use merzost to augment his powers and put a stop to it.

- When he tried to use the Fold as a weapon with Alina at his side, he did it to place Ravka in a stronger position in comparison to his enemies.

- He viewed Nikolai and Zoya dangerous to the rest of the country.

- He was concerned of what would happen to the Grisha if Demidov became king.

- He was determined to save Ravka and lead it as their king and protector.

- Even though he thought of leaving, he stayed out of concern for the Grisha (again).

Contrary to the people who say that the Darkling began selfless but by the time of these books became selfish, it seems that he never lost his selflessness. He still kept thinking about others and his last moments he was unrepentant for his crimes since he did them for others not for himself. It's true that he had pride and an ego but rightfully so. No one else was as powerful or as capable as him to make a change and, honestly, no one else made a decent effort but him.

He also displayed a strong bitterness for the fact that others were so quick to forget him and his actions. He felt wronged that after all he had done, none wanted to acknowledge his own part in the protection of Ravka. He wanted to be seen and appreciated. His anger and indignation came from a place of injustice as he saw it. Whatever he did was labeled as wrong and people only feared him, never feeling gratefulness or love towards him. The Darkling wanted others to give him his due for what he went through, did and tried to do. Recognition after so many years of feeling invisible and hated.

It was something that even his enemies admitted about him:

The strongest evidence of his yearning to shield his country is how he willingly gave his life for it at the end. He would be tortured forever but at least his people wouldn't forget him and he would have fulfilled his desired role as a protector of his country.