#they just. didnt go far enough with Anything.
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https://www.tumblr.com/prettyboykatsuki/772075315170344960/what-self-indulgent-idea-is-this-time-twin
Not self indulgent if I want to hear what you have to have to say so fucking bad… You’re indulging ME now bestie
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its just so .. like LISTEN.
like. walk with me. but you're basically like. isagis childhood neighbor right. he's a few years older than you by then you too. like you're in elementary and he's in middle school. one of these days you're in a fight with other older kids (and they're kicking your ass) and isagi gets in the way and pulls his whole like tsk tsk what r u doing bullying a kid younger than u shtick and the kids then run away
and from that he tries to walk u home and u basically idolize him and he just. figures you're a little boy. like u have a gender neutral ish nickname and u dress in boardhosrts and big shirts and its hard to tell and plus you always rough house with isagi. you just have a Rough personality in general and u call him aniki which he finds funny.
and for the few years ur in the same neighborhood ur basically always with him and he never figures it out. ur in his room and he teaches u to play soccer (u prefer baseball at that point) and u spend all of ur time in his room even when he's in exams etc.
i think u move like,, just as he gets into highschool. far enough away that he doesnt see u again for years and years.
and then when he's in his mid twenties he comes back to his hometown and subsequently So Do You.
you've been moved in for a while and his mom had told him that before once in passing but isagis spent a long time playing in germany so he hadnt thought about it until he comes back and his mom is like. oh u should go visit them and say hi and isagi is fondly like aw yeah i wonder how that kid grew up.
and so . u know. he goes over. plans to say to your mom. is curious about how u grew up cause he hasnt kept in touch at all. yk.
and then. he goes over and a woman answers the door. and hes like ....?
but before he even gets to ask, you positively light up. like BEAMING. and you go "aniki? is that you?"
?!. isagi is in shock. he literally is like. What. Huh. but like. that voice. that face. like you look the same but the years have softened you out, made your features more... idk... he feels wrong saying girly but ? maybe thats it.
and the way you talk is EXACTLY the same. rife with slang, kind of rude, clearly picked up some gyaru slang while u were away but you're not exactly dressed that. u have boobs now and isagi is . short circuiting. and he says your name and FUCKKK your smile is exactly the same. like the same toothy almost silly vibe about you.
you invite him in like nothings changed and for u it probably hasnt. but he's literally malfunctioning trying to keep up. bc its YOU. like it is. you're the same kid he remembers messing with his soccer ball in his room and frowning at the stuff he studied for his highschool entrance exams. and those few years between u then felt like so much but youre both adults now.
its so disorienting. isagi really loved you even when you were kids. obviously it wasnt like That then. more like u were a fond, distant memory of his childhood that he can appreciate looking back. u have siblings but isagi didnt so it was less lonely with u around since he was an only child.
and he was looking forward to reconnecting, really!! he had all these plans about going to play soccer with you and asking if you had a girlfriend. but . But . what !!!!!!!!
he doesnt say anything i think. but you do insist he takes you down to the 7/11 to get snacks like when you were kid, and you make the same cheeky comment about making him pay since he's older and he's rich now and isagi gets the most doki-doki lovesick as feeling and almost passes away because no!!!!!!! why is he feeling that for you!!!!!!
internally he's yelling at himself but he does do it anyway bc he still likes making u happy. its familiar and warm and you end with your legs stretched out in a loose hoodie sharing chips and a drink and you're like,, smiling so familiar about old memories and the feeling just keeps Being there persistently. and he's like stop that rn!!!! he cannot!!!! for many reasons!!!!!!!
bc it feels weird since he rmbs u as kids but also bc it feels unfair to only be thinking of u this way now that he knows. and after he spends all evening with you he Resolves himself to not pursue anything while he stays with his parents.
(but how well does that resolve hold up when he begins to Notice your rather obvious feelings for him?)
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"and you could read us stories,"
this one line, and johnny asking ponyboy to read to him in the hospital (in the book), make me think about him so much. it makes me think about how johnny could've been as much as a lover of books as pony was, but he never got the resources to enjoy reading.
for one reason or another, you take your pick, he couldn't really read. not easily. and because of his home life, his reputation, and the time period he is in, he gets absolutely zero resources to help him. i doubt dyslexia was ever something that was explained to him. his parents didnt care enough to help him at all. teachers don't tend to look twice at a greaser with bad grades.
but still, he is consistently shown wanting to enjoy books. i believe in the book itself, pony thinks johnny just got the book bc he knew pony wanted to read it, and because it would be a good way to pass the time. but you can't interpret the line in Far Away from Tulsa as anything other than Johnny longing to read/enjoy stories like pony does.
i dont really know where i'm going with this but i just. i think about the tragedy that is johnny cade being unable to pursue any possible interests he might have just because of his circumstances. and i think about how he represents every single under-privileged kid in the world.
#the outsiders musical#the outsiders broadway#the outsiders#the outsiders 1983#johnny cade#johnny the outsiders
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everytime i feel bad and stressed about my life i remember that i might be in a troubling situation and having a bad time but im not season 4 fiona gallagher in the clink after leaving crack on the counter which my 3 year old baby brother happened to ingest resulting in a fatal near-death experience thats wracked me with never-ending guilt and forever altered my life
#this storyline was stupid you expect me to believe two-apples-tall liam gallagher came close to the crack AND managed to ingest it?#the crack which is lined up on the kitchen counter?#Also i don't believe that fiona would be irresponsible enough for liam to have been able to be close to the crack#that was an ooc moment and not like “its ooc cause thats the point shes going thru a tough time”#morelike “so ooc that it seems like a discrepancy that was overlooked for the sake of drama and shock value#as an older sister i feel like being watchful of your younger sibling if crack is in their general vicinity is an unstoppable instinct#its just not a plausible situation sorry like this is coming from someone who wholeheartedly embraces the realistic idea#of fiona falling short sometimes and being very human by struggling to consistently maintain her doting attentiveness#but anyways it's complicated cause Fiona clearly put it somewhere he cant reach#so how did he get access to it????#its like getting mad at a parent for putting a glass of wine on the counter#not comparing that to literal cocaine obviously this whole situation was nonetheless messed up#but just for some perspective... the writers were clearly doing cocaine themselves if they thought that#liam was bungee-jumping onto the counter and showing off his skills as an apparent budding olympics gymnast#not justifying anything but. listen.#the fact that it was on the counter FOR A REASONNN shows that fiona was careful to keep it out of reach and NOT do something insane like#putting it on the table#liam somehow magically having access to it defeats the purpose of it being on the counter.#if they really wanted for it to be believable that liam managed to snort it they should've put it on the table#but we already know that situation wouldn't be believable in its entirety cause we know that fiona would literally never leave it there#WHICH IS MY POINT. LIKE THIS SITUATION IS JUST ANNOYINGLY UNBELIEVABLE. FIONA WOULD NOT DO THIS AND HOW DID LIAM EVEN GET TO IT??#theres like 39482939 overlooked discrepancies just for the sake of getting to the shock#just to circle back Fiona would literally never let liam go near crack no matter how far gone and fucked up she was#I KNOW THIS BECAUSE I AM AN OLDER SISTER.#its just so UGHHHHH anyways obviously i still think in canon yeah Fiona was at fault shouldve been more careful and watchful#no matter how you look at it its clear that a risk like this just cannot be taken and she had to be blamed to an extent#but me personally? i reject it because it didnt feel natural to me at all there were 394939 other ways to frame a Fiona downfall#And i loved all the other ways her spiral was shown like getting messed up and ending up in Sheboygan#all the shit she got into with robbie + the impulsive urge to ruin the good thing she had going with mike#so human and believable and deeply flawed unlike the liam situation which was horrifically OOC and unrealistic
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Who would have thought that eating cherrios 2x daily when I'm allergic to oats, and several pastries when I'm allergic to wheat, would come back to bite me in the ass? Surely not I! 🙃
#marquilla#fighting for my liiiiife sgdgdgdgdg i thought i was gonna shit myself at work today in the breakroom and i was mentally trying to figure out#if they would say anything if i ran out/how fast /could/ i run out without them saying anything 😭 i also didnt wanna risk it bc with my#luck someone would be in the bathroom or walk in when i was in there 😭 or worse the trashy coworker would be in there brushing her teeth 😬#(it's not that she's homeless btw i know for a fact she has a home she just chooses to brush her teeth in a public bathroom bc she doesn't#feel like getting up earlier to fucking brush at home. fucking nasty man. like it's one thing if you really have no where else to do it but#i KNOW she does and she openly (and kinda proudly) admits it's bc she's lazy like okay nasty)#anyway anyway i was able to hold it til i got home and could shit in peace 😭 im aware how lucky that is/ that you dont always get the#luxury of choosing what bathroom you go in sgdggdgd#but if i had to rank best bathrooms to go in 👀 Khols is by far number 1. their custodial staff rule man it's always so nice and peaceful#shdhdhgdgdgd number 2 would be cracker barrel for the atmosphere and 3 is target but thats hit or miss (not blaming the staff i blame target#for not staffing enough people/paying enough to clean em often)#anyway anyways ughh
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“John decided I didn’t have to die over an honest mistake” WHAT.
#WHAT.#WHAT?#WHAT!!!#god what the fuck#so many people have died in these games unjustifiably#Bobby’s wife is the first one to come to mind since that was last movie#but fucking. the ice popsicle lady that witnessed a crime but didnt say anything.#Timothy young that felt remorse and guilt after killing a kid.#Lynn who’s only crime was infidelity as far as I can remember.#fucking everyone in saw 2 who were put in the stinky house specifically for crimes they didn’t commit.#AND THE COPS KID FROM SAW 2 WHOS ONLY CRIME WAS BEING BORN.#you just. you cannot say that this far into the franchise you can’t#the disparity between adopting Hoffman for committing murder under johns name and adopting Logan for making an itty bitty innocent mistake-#-is too much. what is going on.#I don’t have enough mental dexterity to explain how bad that twist was but holy fucking shit did that piss me off#god is spiral gonna be worse than this. it is isn’t it.#that’s it goodnight#saw#jigsaw#Starry speaks
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When it comes to hygiene tasks and self care with disability and chronic illness, its pretty much a constant case of: don't let perfect be the enemy of the good.
Basically: it's better to do something, than to do nothing at all.
TLDR: Just because you can't do something "properly" doesn't mean you shouldn't do it at all. Do it half-way. Do it shitty. Do it barely. Do it on a technicality. But do what you can. Just try, because doing something will help you.
If you don't have the energy to scrub your body with a sponge, just rub soap over your skin with your hands.
If you don't have the energy to wash your whole body with soap, just hit the places where sweat accumulates, or where you're smelliest.
If you don't have the energy to wash with soap AT ALL, just sitting in water is better than nothing. It will wash away dirt and oils.
If you can't bathe or shower at all, a warm wash cloth is your new best friend. If that's too much, then try bath wipes. They're a bit bigger than regular wet wipes, and a bit more heavy duty. They're designed to help keep bed ridden patients clean in hospitals.
If you don't have the energy to dry yourself after a bath or a shower, just put on a bathrobe and get into bed. If you don't have the energy to get dressed afterwards, just don't. It can wait until you can.
If you don't have energy to brush your teeth for two minutes, honestly, just a cursory scrub is better than not doing anything.
If you can't brush your teeth twice a day, brush in the evenings. It will help take away the build up of food from the day.
If you don't have the energy to brush AT ALL, honestly, just take a cloth and wipe the plaque off your teeth. Rinse with mouth wash after if you'd like. Something is always better than nothing.
If you can't floss twice a day. Try once. If that's too much, try a few times a week. If that's too much, try setting aside a day once a week as a goal. If you can't keep a schedule, do it when you're able to. Hell, I keep some floss next to my bed so that if I forget and don't have the energy to go get it, I can just reach over.
If you can't iron your clothes, don't bother. Wrinkles are fine. Wear jumpers over wrinkly t-shirts. No one will know, and honestly, most people won't even care. If it's really wrinkly and it's A Big Deal And It Needs To Be Ironed, here's my life hack. Step 1: take a spray bottle, and spritz the item of clothing (while you're wearing it is easiest) until it's lightly damp. Step 2: use a hair-dryer on the clothes until they're dry. It gets rid of creases like nobody's business, it's easier than lugging out the iron and ironing board, and you get to have nice toasty warm clothes afterwards.
If you can't fold your clothes, try just hanging them up. It's less commitment. It's quicker to do. Granted, you need to have the space in order to do this, but it is also good at helping you downsize, and lets you visualise exactly what you have.
If you can't put your clothes away, invest in a couple of laundry baskets, and then just keep your clean clothes in the baskets. You can then separate washed clothes into underwear, pants, and shirts baskets. You can just leave them like that. I'm giving you permission to never fold your laundry again if you can't. Just leave it unfolded. Who's going to care? Something is better than nothing. If you can, try to put those baskets into your closet so that you can keep the clutter out of sight, and give yourself a more restful environment.
If you can't separate your clothing out into different categories and wash them "properly" (whites, warm tones, cool tones, darks, delicates / switching between hot & cold washes / paying attention to laundry instructions on the label) then just don't worry about it. If you cold wash your clothes, colours won't bleed. Maybe gradually over the course of dozens of washes there'll be some changes in hue, but it's really not as high stakes as the One Red Sock In The Whites Turns Them Pink trope makes it out to be.
I've pretty much come to the point in my life where if a piece of clothing can't survive the washer and dryer, then it's just not meant to be. I colour separate my clothes, and if I have the energy/remember I'll take my bras and jumpers out of the washing machine to drip dry. But otherwise, I leave it to the universe.
If you can't separate out your recycling, then don't. If you have a large amount of rubbish you need to get rid of but the idea of separating it out properly is stopping you from doing so, then just don't worry about it. I know it's not ideal, but if you have garbage in your room/house and you need to get rid of it, please just get rid of it. Don't let the problem get bigger and harder to deal with. Don't let "doing something properly" get in the way of keeping your living spaces clean. Please. Give yourself understanding.
If you can't wash your dishes, get paper plates. Obviously, it's not ideal, but it is better that you eat food than skipping meals. It is better that you have a clean kitchen, rather than having dishes piling up and making it harder to look after yourself.
If you can't prepare meals for yourself keep making the tasks easier and easier. If you can't do recipes, then simplify. Use pasta sauce from the jar instead of making it. Eat canned soup. Buy food you can just stick in the oven. If you eat fish fingers and microwave veggies every night, it's better than not eating anything at all. It's better than having to fork out money on take-out. If you need ready-made meals, then get them. If you're literally just eating a raw cauliflower for dinner; 1) I see you, 2) me too, sis, 3) something is better than nothing.
These are the basic things you need to do every day to function as a person. They are your activities of daily living. Brushing your teeth. Bathing or showering. Using the bathroom. Getting dressed. Eating. Drinking. Sleeping. Keeping your environment clean. You don't need to do these things perfectly, but they need to happen in order for you to have a decent quality of life.
And it breaks my heart, because I know that so many disabled people can't do these things every day. I'm not saying this to guilt or judge, I'm saying that these are basic needs; you deserve these things. These things bring dignity. If a disabled person is unable to do these things, it diminishes their quality of life. It robs them of dignity.
If you need help to do these things, Its okay to ask for help. It's okay to need help. But if you can't get that help and you have to do these things by yourself -- or you just plain want to be independent and do it without help-- then don't hold yourself to standards you can't meet.
Don't let perfect be the enemy of the good. Doing something is always better than doing nothing. Even if it's not perfect. Even if it's not done well. Do what you can.
#lord knows that im still trying to pull myself out of the muck and into independence and dignity#i had to set a rule for myself that i need to wear clean clothes every day. and that i need to wear pyjamas to bed#that one's been hard. sometimes I dont have the energy to do it and i just stay in the same clothes for two days at a time#or i go to sleep in what i was wearing. but when i do follow that rule my quality of life is drastically better#not feeling dirty or gross goes a long way to making you feel more like a person#i also made a rule that im not allowing myself to look frumpy outside anymore. that means clothes that look nice#no more trackies and pj pants and all that stuff. i basically lived in perpetual pyjamas for four years and im over it#i still dress comfortably but the important thing is that i dress. i look put together. i wear things that make me happy#(and i didnt need to buy anything to do so. i just needed to start taking better care of myself)#and i stopped letting perfect be the enemy of the good. i started doing things shitty rather than not doing it at all#and the more i keep pushing with my ADLs the better i feel#what helps is now i dont have to contend with stairs and that has made a dramatic change to what im able to accomplish#ive also finally built up enough strength in my body that im able to go to the shops by myself. so i can buy things to make easy meals#and mum doesnt mind if i just put some things in the oven or air fryer for us for dinner.#i still cant really cook. i felt bad about that for the longest time. i didnt even try bc i knew what id make would be disappointing#or it wouldnt be up to the standards of what everyone else was making. i was so sick of feeling like a let down all the time.#now i just make what i can and my mum doesnt complain bc shes in the same boat.#and yeah. having help would be nice. it would mean id be able to do more than what i can do by myself.#and its great to see how far ive come. but im not a burden. and when i have the accommodations i need i can do a lot more#i do something rather than nothing and my life has dramatically changed since then. ive just gotten better and better.#chronic illness#disability#chronic pain#spoonie#one things for certain and thats that im never going to let myself rely on anyone else ever again.#i never want to be on the other side of that ever again. I don't want to be anyone's burden. i dont want that hanging over me#i do things by myself or i dont do them at all. and god fucking willing i'll never go back to needing as much help as i used to#i really didnt realise just how much of an obstacle living with stairs was in my life. it was the biggest barrier against everything#stairs stopped me from being independent. if i couldnt traverse them i just didnt go anywhere. my world shrank so much#and not having the proper wheelchair shrinks my world even more. im stronger than i used to be but im still severely limited in where i go
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ffxiv garlemald discourse is so funny because people will go "ugh people just cant stand it when things aren't black and white" and then you look at how the empire are portrayed in stormblood and shadowbringers and its like hm. that seems like a pretty intense and accurate display of violent imperialism to me! Wow I wonder why people in this day and age may find it hard to feel sympathy for them or even hate them on principal. god its such a mystery.
the games like 50/50 to me on how it tackles these themes because I actually like the garlemald arc in EW, I think it has a lot of horrific and powerful scenes depicting how self destructive fascist propaganda and beliefs are, but I also think it doesn't go far enough on some fronts. the garleans' xenophobia is most notably and obstacle to getting them to accept the contingent's help, which is what they're there to do,
but there's never an admission of harm from any garleans on the uuuuuuuuh massive amount of war crimes the nations around them are still suffering from they're just kind of like "we misjudged you...but you actually wanted to help us all along" like yeah thats great now can we get you all some deprogramming because you keep talking about returning to your prime and glory days and I think we need to unpack some stuff you really SHOULDNT return to. im not even really talking about EW proper but the patches where things are a bit more chilled out and people are recovering.
It feels like they wanted to have their critique of imperialism and also have things end with the beauty of human connection and reaching out and these things just don't mesh well because hey a lot of your modern day audience is not gonna like having to treat people yelling xenophobic things at the cast and your character with kid gloves after you showed them hours and hours of the awful things these people's beliefs have done. especially in the present day hoo boy.
#im kind of torn between 'no characters dont need to be 'punished' to be redeemed but also the characters just being so lenient with the#colonizers after we see far too many people being lenient if not supportive of the colonizers irl. well. it really blows afslkjfalkf and#yeah you can argue if they'd gone through with the garlemald expansion they would've had more time to go into this but the fact is that its#absent from what they did do and I especially think the patches when we go to garlemald and the EW role quests going 'hey maybe the#provinces can help us rebuild' as if they'd have any goddamn right to ask that just make me feel like they didnt stick the landing#seeing all the characters who have suffering time and time again bc of the garleans or seen the results of their actions having to clamp#their mouths shut every time someone said something xenophobic in EW isnt satisfying and it leaves so much unsaid!#also some people feel like the narrative didnt blame emet enough but ngl I think thats reductive even with his micromanaging scheming littl#ass and the intention of garlemald turning out a shitshow that doesnt make anyone else less complicit. most governments like this exaggerat#and lie and spread propaganda but I dont think most people here excuse the actions of a bigot because 'they were raised that way'#this is also my issue with gaius' writing. hes primarily upset that ascians were behind what he thought was his good old fashioned natural#conquering ideology :( and doesnt it suck so much he killed people for it. like yeah he seems pretty aware what he did was wrong but his#ideology remains bizarrely intact and unchallenged by the characters around him. no dude it wasnt just the ascians the system is a lot more#complex than that by this point aaaaaugh#final fantasy xiv#ffxiv#siren says#I hope people are nice to me about this I dont think I said anything particularly controversial to the Tumblr crowd (twt maybe but fuck em)#ig my main point with this post is that the game isnt perfect at writing this and also that look. I actually liked the main arc in EW and I#like quite a few garlean characters but I completely understand why others didnt like it or any garleans esp if they have their own persona#experiences with colonialism and I dont get to tell them they're invalid for that. too many people get judgmental about this understandably#upsetting topic and you just gotta accept that this is a big line for many people
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Guys I missed the countdown by 7 minutes can we redo it?
#would anyone believe me if i said i was distracted by wrestling cable around a piece of wood#i got the best shower thought to pull my amp so it faces into my room instead of into the corner#just rotating it#and the fuckening cable was stuck under a wooden art project (like a canvas) and i had a sbahj moment trying to figure out...#...which side of the canvas the majority of the cable was on#i know where the cable is connected to the wall but i didnt know how far along i pushed it along the wall#ughhhhshdjdossb#rip my back but im determined to go into the new year playing guitar#so can we redo it now 14 minutes later? bc i cant explain the configuration of my room#ShitPost.exe#OBLIGATORY: 'DISCLAIMER: i'M HI (HIGH)' TAG#wait i need more minutes i think i gotta tune to C please hold idk what tune this band does#firmly grasp the moment. go back to 2359 and hold the moment for me ill hit unpuase when im good and ready#edit: unpause i was being dramatic its only drop D but i found the keyboard riff so ill learn that on guitar instead#WE'LL START FROM FIVE... 4... 3.. 2.. fuckyou#dundundununundundjndunnizndnndndjsn#listen up yall#edit 2: i wasn't being dramatic lmao the song i was planning on in the shower was actually C#but i changed my mind when i sat down bc i couldnt remember which song (ive had the playlist on repeat most of today#so fuck my life back to tuning ig#its okay tho i fiddled around on the midnight in my heart#wow can i say anything without innuendo#edit 3: oh thank god its drop c not c lmao still maybe i should prank future cori by leaving my guitar in drop c for the next time i play#gonna pull it out like 'holy shit whats wrong with this thang' (i would not lol i tune it every time)#but ill remember this moment and shake my fist at past cori bc theres nothing future cori can do to stop present cori#can u tell im procrastinating lol. my amp made a funny sound when i turned it on and its not nearly old enough to need warming up yet#fuck i mean i need time to warm up too but like . fuck lol.
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ngl i think i kind of was a genius for being like 'yeah this character is a scary killyou cannibal scary killer who scary kills you' and then realizing that the way my worldbuilding works out is that there's a nonzero chance that if you leave literally any body parts over they can just come back, depending on what they believe in their heart of hearts can kill them. Of course she'd start eating her kills. She probably tried normal stuff first and then realized it didn't work and she had to try harder if she wanted to actually keep them dead.
#red rambles#im working on a character who i made up years and years ago and wasnt even happy with then because he didnt seem to have enough like#interior thoughts he was just like a guy who killed people when he was stressed and his life was constantly stressful and then he killed on#person too many and they were like 'this is fucking untenable and he has to die' and then they killed him#which is soooooooooo absolutely nothing honestly. Like it works as a barebones summary but i want to stress there was actually straight up#nothing else there. the entire rest of his whole whatnot was just being entangled with Haven who is a different character who at the time#ALSO felt unsatisfyingly lacking in interiority but at lesat he had really complex motivations and action flowcharts. that werent just 'i#get grumpy and i just go kill some random person with no regard for what the consequences will be and then i am so mean and i kill you'#now theres a lot more happening. i really didnt. like.#okay so i had a Backstory worked out but it was vague because i didnt know what the fuck he WANTEDDDDDDD right like. i had no motivations a#literally all except 'oohhh i kill people ooohhh i like killing people ooohhh im erratic i kill people' and the background i HAD was like.#Upper class scion of some rich family whose family honest to god just did not like him very much and also [gestures vaguely] i guess he#maybe kicked dogs or something and then he ??nebulous timeline meets haven and then kills his sister or kills his sister and very quickly#thereafter meets haven but i usually lean toward the former because haven LOVES convincing people to kill their whole families its like#cathartic for him because he would love to kill his entire family but physically cannot do it. but like kind of the implications of this#as far as i was concerned given this is set in the mid 1800s was like. ehhh he's getting away with this because he's rich white and male an#it pays to turn a blind eye to his indiscretions or w/e. a genderswap means that she'd be subject to a lot more scrutiny on basis of like#misogyny. LOL. and i already had the preexisting 'hates half sibling' (i genderswapped the sister into a brother because why not) and 'hate#parents' and 'parents strongly dislike her' and 'unsettling' and it worked nicely to start giving me actual fucking. Literally anything to#work with there. because it means that by going off with Haven she walks out of one situation where she has like 0 agency into another one#and like to be clear i respect anyone who is sitting around in haven's general vicinity for snapping and just starting to kill people. me t#but this works. SOOOOOOOOOO much better for real#im still working the kinks out but like also this means that she wins. she wins like multiple times actually. she comes closer to killing#haven than anyone since he learned what fucking species he was and causes him more trouble in the interest of getting the FUCK out of there#than anyone else has and then she fucking gets what she was going for against literally every effort haven could've made over ~five decades#get owned loser.#every time i draw her i cant help it i write some shit like PLEASE JUST GET DIVORCED on it even though i wrote the fucking narrative i know#it will never fucking happen and thats why she does all this shit instead#in another world she'd be like the wildly capable owner of Raytheon 2 or some other shit like that. like she'd never be a nice or good#person but she wouldn't be dead. god she could be in charge of a country or some shit. Alas. Please get divorced.
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never gonna be enough for my dad
#vent#rant#me talking#i keep trying to put in applications and he says i need to do even more acting as if it's my fault that im not getting hired#as if im not trying hard enough#and on the rare occasions that i do get an interview#which have so far all led nowhere#then he just tells me to keep looking while i wait to hear anything and that even if i do get a job#i still need to keep looking for better and better careers#and when i finally was able to do a commission he just said 'cool then do more keep going'#first of all i need to wait for clients#and second of all cant you say youre proud that i was able to do one? that i was able to make a little extra money?#no of course he can't#it's always about moving on to the next thing and pushing myself more#oh yeah and i got my hair cut the other day#and sure i did tell the hair stylist to get it as close to a full buzzcut without being an actual buzzcut#cuz dad refuses to let me buzz my own hair and im too tired to argue at this point despite being an adult#but when he saw it i could tell he didnt like it#he gave the vague 'oh well it's different! showing more forehead. i liked it better when you had longer bangs but thats just me...'#nothing i do pleases him#im tired of it#and i dont know how to tell him that he's part of the reason i constantly feel like a fucking failure#and there have been times where i'll see a car approaching me as i drive to work and for a split second i wonder what would happen#if i hit it hard enough to kill me. then i wouldn't have to disappoint my dad anymore#although knowing him it would still be a disappointment cuz i fucked up driving so much#but i never actually consider doing it#obviously id never want to hurt the other person and if i simply swerved instead to hit a tree#where only id die#i couldnt just let myself die when i have so many others that i care about#but anyway sorry this is a lot i have a headache i promise im not gonna hurt myself it just sucks rn
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Hey guys maybe if you have an issue with the way your housemate has cleaned something or left a bit of a mess maybe don't clean it up and then tell them a whole day after instead of just. You know. Asking your housemate who is literally in the next room to just clean it up
#i spilled something and i wasnt wearing my glasses#so i didnt know it got all over the floor as far as it did#and it turns out when i was watching tv in the next room my housemates cleaned it up when they couldve just asked me to come back in????#and then a whole day later my housemate corners me to tell me about how much of a fuss my garlic granules caused#and when i said they shouldve just told me they were like 'we're not your mum we shouldnt have to tell you'#but like???? you're also not my mum so you shouldnt clean up after me#i dont understand how cleaning it up and then telling me way after I could do anything about it is the solution#this is the housemate who sits in the kitchen to study all the time which is cool#but then she always watching how you clean up and will tell you off if youre not doing it thoroughly enough#but shes nice otherwise i just dont understand why she does it in the way she does yaknow#it feels less like actual concern and more about wanting to have a go at me for the sake of it if that makes sense?#idk if you can tell but i get very paranoid about if my housemates hate me lmao im probably just making things up atp#personal
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I’m going to lose my mind oh my god I am so scared for this quincenera wtf
#NOT MINE BTW I MISSED MY CHANCE LMAO#but Jesus Christ family I’ve never met before flying in from Panama…. god I’m so scared#I’ve already been dealing with some wack ass imposter syndrome ass shit cuz of how I was raised this is gonna make it SO MUCH worse#I DIDNT EVEN KNOW PANAMANIANS GOT QUINCES#i was raised with almost zero influence from any culture whatsoever I wasn’t even raised close to that side of the family#and like I’m mixed with white but I can’t even use that as an excuse cuz the cousin who’s quince it is is also mixed#and that side of the family is super tied to the culture and they speak Spanish and shit#i don’t even speak Spanish even if the family from Panama doesn’t think ima. total embarrassment what if most of them don’t speak english#when I’m surrounded by white people 24/7 I feel like a total outlier but the second I’m around anyone else latine I feel like that but WORSE#i don’t speak Spanish I don’t know anything about the culture I’m from the fucking pacific northwest and do digital art and watch anime#i am so far completely removed from everything I’m gonna be sick#my grandma is already so judgy about stuff my uncle was even WORSE and made fun of the stuff that was too white or too American about me#my cousins throwing the party are the least of my worries cuz at least their mixed and second/third Gen too#but oh my god the family I’ve never met before I’m so scared I’m so scared#i was already thinking like. can I even call myself latine bc of how I was raised and how far removed I am from everything. I’m mixed so -#-should I just associate myself more with the white side of my family. am I being fraudulent by identifying with that term just bc I have -#-the blood is that even enough maybe that kid had a point when he said I shouldn’t count as hispanic if I don’t know spanish#and thinking about showing up to my cousins quince as. me. it’s terrifying it’s awful I want to go I want to meet these people I want to -#-celebrate my cousin and be happy for her but GOD what if everyone hates us and just tolerates us cuz we’re related to them#i would say we’re the black sheep of the family but I feel like white is more fitting cuz I feel like we’re just slightly brown white people#god god god I’m so stresssd out by this#is this a weird thing to be worried about is this stupid is this selfish#and to make matters worse I DONT KNOW WHAT TO GET HER FOR A GIRT#vent
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i started watched arcane last night and i LOVE the art style and the movement in the show, but goddamn is that soundtrack fucking abhorrent. its almost unbearable at times
#the scene in the first episode where the main cast is walking down the street of the undercity#and fucking bea miller is blasting at full volume 😭😭😭😭😭#its so unfitting#the majority of the scenes in the first episode didnt have ANY music accompanying it either so idk why they couldnt just keep it silent#for that scene as well#the atmosphere is cool enough to where they dont need a top rasio hits soundtrack to carry it#if anything it just makes the show feel corny and like it doesn’t know what tone it wants to go for lmao#i’ll still watch more of it bc the way it looks is so good! and the plot seems interesting so far#it just feels corny whenever fucking imagine dragons starts playing at full volume ahaha
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"oh, yeah," we think, "we could probably cross this over into Li nked Uni verse if we actually draw out the canon for long enough, smacking different versions of the same character into each other is always fun especially when it has the potential for massive cultural differences and shit like running into things where the thing that has been forgotten has significance beyond the things that are remembered. Hey, we should probably check the comic in order to comply with the six-month rule, we don't think we ever finished-"
We return from the reference images. We have remembered why we didn't finish looking into the base comic.
#we speak#negative chatter#moving one level of fandomization away from og LU to merely use them as inspiration for bootleg LU with more base game inspiration#we forgot why we had the author blocked. we remember now#we probably wont elaborate further on this because we keep a firm policy of not publically shit talking folk at random#we just kinda got Unexpectedly Sandblasted by them being weird abt furries&otherkin in a random twi light reference post#we are censoring this so it does not go into their tag btw! no one likes random shit talk and this is just us being vaguely pissy#the wording is vague enough that they feel like theyre like. they dont mean to imply they DISLIKE this group#they just find them strange and offputting and they strongly dislike that they project anything onto A Character#as we do not control their life and theres nothing we can do to force them to Not be uncomfortable or act Strange towards a group#all we can really do is like. scrunge up at an attitude we find it VERY difficult to mesh with and go our separate ways#the multitude of takes on these characters and the way that their fandom is so creative about them and produces so many different Ideas#is very fun! and we heavily enjoy reading it sometimes! however we cannot enjoy the base comic#because though we know that the author likely didnt intend it to come off like that and we know accusations of hate would be FAR too strong#we cannot shake the feeling that we are the sort of thing that they would look upon as a deeply offputting aberration#and they merely avoid voicing that out of a mix of manners and a wish to not get into discourse while hundreds of people are watching#so it is best to keep our distance where we don't have to be uncomfortable at the subtle bias that will pervade through all art#and they dont have to get grated against in ways that may negatively impact things from us having little shame in our existence#which is to say theres like a solid chance that the bias is not malicious and is in fact just like. lingering cultural bias type shit#however we arent gonna deal with that and us being a huge obnoxious weirdo might be liable to push them against us via abrasion#being exposed to smth more often can very easily actively push you against that thing by virtue of dislike of the people who like it#and though our individual action may not mean much in the scheme of things it will do less harm to both of us if we back the hell off#give that shit some time to soak without being prodded at too hard and hopefully someone else will be able to open the conversation better#because with bias especially you CANNOT break it down with one or two discussions#and you very much have to have the person with the bias willing to step back and examine that pattern of bias and unravel it#because if you go up at people like “this is WRONG and heres why” theyre far more likely to get defensive and feel attacked#and then double down because they feel attacked and don't want to give in to people who have been Nothing But Rude To Them#its a pattern of thought that can be a real bitch to deal with and we really arent capable of the subtle approach it requires to break thro#anyways. where were we. oh yeah we forgot why we blocked someone and now we're making a tumblr post about it
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there's really not much better than art. the creation of it, the sharing of it, the appreciation of it. i fill my walls and floors with art (when theres not enough space on the walls) and i just want to continue doing it!! so i will!
#for some reason my mind keeps prodding me with this memory so ill tell it#last semester when i was in an oil painting class my prof told us that we should submit some of the art we've created in school for this#show. i didnt have much art i was proud enough of to submit but other people in my class did. and i was good acquaintances with about half#of the class so hearing they got in i was excited. my prof told us we should go to support if we can so i did#and so i went with my parents cause they enjoy art too and i cant drive and it was pretty far#but so i went and a bunch of people from my class were there and i said hi to them all. upon meeting they all asked if i had anything in#the show and i said 'no i just came cause i want to see cool art!'#and just idk like. i think that speaks on how i view art and how i want art to be for me? i always said i never wanted to go to art school#because i didn't want it to ruin it for me by being turned into a job or source of stress#and if i do go into film or whatever it'll be interesting to see how that turns out bc of my views on art but yeah i just. i just like art#i like it a lot
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some of you folks were NOT listening to the Baroness Schneider when she was talking to Captain Von Trapp and it shows
#as far as villains go she was actually a real one#i mean she was also in a movie with nazis so its hard for her to be a real villain under those circumstances#but still#sound of music#anyway it's gay-org like the baroness said#also not to go on a tangent#but for rEAL baroness schneider was a real homie and i appreciate her for that#like YES she planned on putting those kids into boarding school but im gonna be real those kids needed more structure#if they could have been in a mixed boarding school so they were all together that would have been perf#also the baroness is a wealthy woman of class she's not going to educate mere children#even if they were her own she wouldn't it wouldn't be acceptable#and yes i accept that she acted in her own self-interests when she talked to maria#but consider this she never lied to maria#she may have played the innocent but there was no knowing how maria would react she didnt know maria well enough#so throwing maria that bone and seeing whether maria would gnaw or swim away wasn't like unfair or anything#and when maria returns and the baroness sees she's been outwitten she - get this - bows out gracefully#much more gracefully than maria did running away the way she did#also let's not imagine the baroness is marrying him for his money or anything she's richer than he is she wants to marry him fOR HIM#(who doesn't tho he's not called captain van snacc for nothing)#the baroness may be shrewd but she's not precisely evil#for the sake of the plot she wasn't a 'goodie' but she also wasn't a 'baddie' and i appreciate that nuance#the writers allowed her to be just a woman who wants what she wants and knows when she's beaten to the punch#that's some protofeminism for hollywood qf#anyway to come right back aroung it's gAYORG#thank and goodnight
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