#they dont really show their lives outside of work at all
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klingercollection · 5 months ago
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i think my ranking of the mentalist main characters goes like this:
#1. patrick jane
on a fucked up quest for revenge, always wearing the same three piece suit, a trickster, whiny, vulnerable, damaged, definitely unstable. hot.
#2. kimball cho
deadpan, shortest of the men, genuinely worried about spells and witchcraft, muscular and a bit hairy(!), the "straight" man in comedic terms but always the first down for janes insane schemes, fiercely loyal. hot.
#3. grace van pelt
had to murder her fiancee who betrayed her and never truly loved her, started lashing out as a trauma response, fucking hates indifferent social workers, hallucinated her dead fiancee while lost in the woods then demanded to know what he wanted fully aware he was a hallucination, loves horses, agreed with jane torturing a guy.
#4. teresa lisbon
from chicago! has been putting up with jane's insanity for a decade and hasnt cracked, does not enjoy lying but enables jane, is in charge of four clearly dangerous people and regards the situation more like babysitting unruly kids than keeping four people who have all killed in check. this last one is probably directly related to her having multiple brothers. sorry lisbon your character is mostly defined by your position of power relative to others. shes kind of scully xfiles to me tho
#5. wayne rigsby
tall, a dad, hates his own dad but avenged him anyway, sorry man you dont have much going on for me, i dont care about your crush on grace. his hair is too short imo
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opens-up-4-nobody · 2 years ago
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#*problems occur on a project multiple ppl r working on* my boss @ me: what do u wanna do?#me. disastrously burnt out: i couldnt not even to give a fuck abt all this. i dont care i dont care i dont care#but thats not what i say. i say ok ill talk to the ppl and see how i can drop everything to help. and that probably means driving an hour#away to the other uni which is irrationally terrifying to me to the point where it will probably destroy my whole week a prevent me from#sleeping when i already am struggling to sleep. but its fine. ill get it done and itll be fine. for this stupid fucking project i dont#care abt. ay its so weird. ive never been this angry abt things. i mean its not even really anger its more dispair and frustration but it#manifests as just wanting to scream and throw a fit like a toddler. and i mean its my fault. i dont have to live the way that i do. i mean#i do but in an irrational compulsive way that i cant entirely control. but like its Saturday and i sepent 6 and a half hours taking#measurements and then met with my boss for like an hour and she was showing me cool imagines and talking abt cool new collaborators at her#new school and im just sitting there trying to maintain a smile bc my brain is semi disconnected from my body and im so exhausted#ugh. my brain is so fucked rn. i dont want to drive with even lower functioning thsn usual. and i was gonna meet my friend Tuesday morning#for once. and i might have to drive back and forth multiple days. ans what's my reward if were successful? two fucking weeks of watering#and measurement taking and i might have to stand around other ppl in all that time as well. usually im off spinning in circles by myself#amd looking unapproachable. i dont want to have to b a person around the undergrads#god im so weird. its like from the outside perspective if u were looking thru the window at me u would see me using a hammer and assume im#putting something together and i am but im also hammering nails thru my hand which no one asked me to do#so then why do i have to do it? ugh. thats y its a hard thing to complain abt bc ppl r like oh it sounds like ur compulsive habbits make u#productive and successful and yea sure but they're also destroying my life. im laying on the floor doubled over in pain and ppl r like oh#look how useful u r. who gives a fuck everything feels stretched and distorted like im suffering some sort of selfimposed Devin punishment#whatever. fuck this. tomorrow ill try my hardest to relax. literally i cant remember the last time i stayed in bed until at least 7am. ugh#but i also have some bullshit i have to get done tomorrow so well see#uuuuuugh let me leave this place @ schools send me ur official offers pls i wanna plan out my life for the next 5yrs#unrelated
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sensitivegoblin · 16 hours ago
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Vent
#why am i punching bag for my dad and sister?#hes not abusive obviously but when the pressure is getting to him he picks on me......#i feel so worthless like a used sponge#if he wasnt forced to sit next to me i would be cry9ng qnd cuttibg#hes showing me his dumb stupid AI memes as though im supposed to be his good lil audience member and give him a laugh#when i show him stuff he always disagrees with it or makes fun of it.....#if i do what he does suddenly im horrible#i hate my existence#im just an audience member/energy bank for everybody#i can feel my chronic pain writhers and tightens against my bones. it stings like a poision.....#i just wish people werent so mean to me........why cant people treat me at least the same way i treat them?#constantly doing so much more cus its natural. then im surprised when im dehydrated of energy.....#he just told me not to raise my voice when all i did was calmly explain i dont feel like arguing......#im CONSTANTLY the bad guy#i get mad at my family sometimes but i never directly lash out at them the way they do to me........#i spend nights sleepless trying to figure out the perfect way to explain myself only for it not to work or get shot down or something bad#speaking and stepping outside of my mind gets me nothing but punishment.....#my family is devoid of emotional thinking and thats the only way i can think#.....its really cold tonight. my dad rearranged the living room swearing it would be warmer......im now SO much colder#it doesnt help that hes a trump voter and just....doesnt care about any of that stuff so i have no one to comfort me in my anxieties#it just feels like im trying to fit in the wodden shape box but i belong to a completely different toy..ill never join those pieces that fit#thats how i feel about life#i keep TRYING to get my life going and be happy#but i dont think im meant for this world....i wish it was easy to end it#im fighting tears cus ny dad will just get mad.....hes such a fucking ogre.#i would rather him never buy me another thing again AND BE NICE#ive said that before and he just blew me off lmao#i keep having dreams that im going to Hell :(#i just want the pain to stop :(
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autism-corner · 11 days ago
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#ok nothing post about nothing important :3#there are. a singular hand of relationships ive had personally (aka non-schoolgroup basically)#since ive been 12 or so. maybe only 3 of which ive had one-on-one meetups with outside of school.#and its. fine with me. i think.#but#out of these there is one that was a very very important person to me.#and i was. very rude at breaking it off. i think.#getting a 'i cant do this anymore' message musnt have been. great.#i tried to explain the next day but. that was the last message ive sent them.#and i do feel bad about it. they sent me a happy bday message two months later that i also. ignored.#but. im not used to relationships. it was and still has been very hard.#everything was just starting to happen with me which. wasnt good.#and. i couldnt do it anymore i think. anxiety every single day about getting messages was. difficult.#despite it beivg the very closest a person has ever been and might ever be to me i couldnt. handle it.#and i still dont know why. it hurts thaat the only optioni saw was running away but i still dont know what i couldve done differently.#anyway.#sillyposting#i feel bad for breaking it up the way i did but i dont know how i couldve done better.#i dont think i couldve held out but i do wish i had the words to explain.#ALL OF WHICH IS TO SAY. i still feel guilty. and ive never really felt that before.#we both live in the same ~100.000 people city so everytime i go near their house im afraid to see them.#its never happend but. today they showed up at work. and i dont know what to do.#ive never had an ex like this and. again i still feel very very guilty.#i dont know if i should say hi. i dont know if i shoulld offer an apology.#i mean. i think i do. i think i dont deserve to give them an apology. i think they deserve to not worry about me.#but it. i dont want to really leave it hanging like this either.#hm.#whatever.#theyll probably not come up to me bc of how our bar works but also. theyre a jury of the current showing and will probs have a talky afterrr#sooo =3=
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team-frightfur · 8 months ago
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(Theyre also blushing but i cant figure out why). Both Kenzan and Johan are more focused on Judai tho, which could either be bc theyre both gay for him or cause this takes place post s4 (so theyre happy to see Jou enjoying life again after his depression). Then you have Fubuki and Asuka in the corner. Fubuki is doing his standout uncoordinated cloudcuckoolander bit by not wearing blue/black/white/yellow like everyone else (get with the program, man!) Instead he's going for that... christmas ensemble? With the rare red....tho now I see it, there's also judais pants and the coke bottles and the red cups and oh my god it was a red/blue/green/yellow colour scheme all along. ANYWAY, while Asuka is more serious with her modest clothing and walking boots, she has this small smile. Like, clearly she's not super duper ecstatic over his dumbass ukelele serenades, but she'll humour him today of all days, not just because it's a special day but because she looooves having her brother back.
Final verdict: this pic honestly just gets better the more you look at it. It makes me wish i had synesthesia just so I could taste the cozy hot chocolate vibes. Like its truly utterly immaculate. Kudos to you for all time!!!
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#Incrredible absolutely incredible vibes here holy cow. Especially as an australian freezing in midwinter. Unmatched coziness#like it has that top tier cozy wood cottage setting (respect for graining the floor panels btw) so you can practically see the snow outside#I know they're drinking coke but in my heart that is hot chocolate ok it is beautiful hot chocolate and maybe there is pho somewhere#anyway I also really like how the orange/blue/green mesh together in this piece. It's not too uniform or restrained or blocky. Instead#the colours are diffused throughout the piece. This gives it a lot of balance while simultanously preserving the warmth and cohesion#like manjo asuka ryo and johan in their matching obelisk blues + the night sky outside + the blue books + the blue on Yugis poster tv etc#then ofc the green of the plants + yellow/green rug + Jims croco and fubus pants. The green works esp well to bridge the blue and orange#as opposed to a blade runner style scheme. Anyway I also love how you use blue/black shadows. Specifically how they go fuzzy at the ends#With a nice lil orange glow. I think the strongest example of this is Johan. his white shirt really shows off the blue/orange -> purple fuz#It makes the lighting feel really soft. Also mad respect for this whole setting concept like this room is impressively geometrical#and perfectly angled yet it has that lived in clutter vibe with the book under the tv + the abandoned singular sock + the unkempt comic#books + spread cards + etc. Theres also so much personality to it in the kitty rug smiling clock and posters all over.#Im gonna guess its judais place bc pharoah and the pic of Judai and Johan. Also its slightly irresponsible in a very Judai way.#this would NOT be jims place! he would NOT let his croco eat. uh. Movie film? its not croco food is all Im saying. Anyway. Adding into how#cozy and real this piece feels is the excellent lighting work. Not only is there multiple sources of light and shadow but they overlap#impeccably and have a subtle yet defined limit. I particularly love the two lamps by Asuka and Fubuki. The little shadow hatching on the#walls and window sills around them + the soft airbrush lighting makes this lovely subtle yet defined circle shape. Together with the#light coming thru the door its rly nice. Then theres the general shadow on Croco side of the piece with the deeper shadows from the house#ornaments and edo and such. Like its a small thing but it requires so much thought and dedication and fuckin math that I must salute#speaking of maths the most impressive part of this pic geometrically is the wall at edos side. The angle is sharp yet feels so natural.#yknow what I think that gets into the coziness too. The setting is so boxy and well defined that it almost seems to snug hug the characters#we get the sense of a limited space which is filled by the presence personality and warmth of this friend group. Nothing feels empty#this realisation makes me appreciate the cut off second floor that the stairs lead to cause it adds a roof which further boxes em in#the effect is like peeking into a moeblob yugioh diorama. But instead of being saucy or claustrophobic its just so cozy you could die#anyway last notes I love how the calendar on the wall has a little x we can infer is today!!! because the homeowner was So! Excited!!!#and I love the lonely fan on the bookcase and flower on the cactus (that is a well loved spiky boye). Anyway. Now onto the characters!#now onto the characters! (tho I feel like the environment deserves even more love I just dont have the words yknow) to start with#I love all the eye contact and how it economically explains so many relationships. Edo has this smug grin @ Ryo while Manjo looks both#annoyed and unimpressed (maybe because Ryo is late after work?). All of them have suits to show theyre all hard working pro duellists#Sho and Judai are also looking to Ryo but with a more casual vibe like “welcome home bro!” “welcome home bro of my bro!” Theyre also
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brattyspence · 2 months ago
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sober thoughts | s.reid
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summary: pining!reader makes a drunk call to spencer after going out with friends, and is aggressively trying to flirt with him. 
tags: reader is DRUNK! alcohol!! dont read if thats not okay!!, fluffy as fuck, spencer is the most gentle of gentlemen, pining!reader, reader wears makeup/dress/heels, spencer is lowkey bad at flirting but he shows affection in weird ways, one use of Y/N (sorry i know)
a/n: this has been bouncing around in my head for a while. sigh.
word count: 1.9k
masterlist
He was used to seeing you tipsy, if that was even the right word for it. 
You were friends, after all. Best friends, even. And the fact that he lived only a few doors down from the pub the team frequented made it stupid not to offer his couch to you after going out with the team. 
You weren’t a heavy drinker by any stretch of the imagination. Every now and then on a Friday night, you’d head out with the team and have one, maybe two drinks if you were feeling particularly adventurous–but you still didn’t want to drive home, especially when he was offering his home to you. Truthfully, you just liked getting to hang out with him. You liked getting to exist in his orbit and discuss a random topic late into the night. It had become normal for you, an excuse to do something together that didn’t revolve around work. 
What was not normal was the fact that it was a Saturday at 11 PM and you were really drunk, calling him. 
Your contact photo filled his screen, illuminating the dark room. You weren’t one to call, preferring the convenience of a text. Especially this late, which worried him a bit. He picked up quickly, tucking the phone to his ear.
“Hey, you okay?”
“Hey, Spencer?” It wasn’t your voice. “This is Molly, Y/N’s friend. I’m sorry to call so late. We’re out with some friends from college celebrating someone’s birthday, and she got… like, drunk drunk, kinda sloppy… and she’s been blabbing about you for a while. She wanted me to call you.”
“Oh,” he sighs. He runs a hand through his hair, preparing himself. “Can you put her on?”
“Yeah. Not sure you’ll get anything out of her, though. Here…”
He can hear the general chatter and chaos of the bar over the call. There’s some rustling sounds before you finally take the phone.
“Hi,” you say, your voice dripping with a certain kind of fondness. He can hear the smile through the screen. 
“Hey,” he replies. ”You having fun?”
“Oh, Spencer, I was… I haven’t heard your voice in so long. What’re you…” you trail off, lifting the phone from your ear to answer someone else. “Sorry. ‘S so loud in here.
He chuckles to himself. “I saw you yesterday.”
“Yeah, ‘nd that was… Oh, I can’t do math right now. A long time ago.”
“Are you okay?”
On the other side of town, you were sitting in a barstool, swiping your finger along the beads of condensation rolling down the glass of water in front of you. 
“Mhm. ‘M good. Fine. Drunk.”
“Yeah, I can tell,” he smiles. “Are you gonna be able to get home?”
“Uhh…” you pause. “I was gonna Uber… but then I thought that maybe… if you weren't busy… we could hang out…” 
He could vaguely make out dialog on the other end of the phone. Some kind of “Girl, this sounds really pathetic,” followed by a “Shhhh!” in two other drunken voices.
“But I could also make Molly order me an Uber,” you added. “‘S okay. Nevermind.”
“No, you're not getting in an Uber inebriated. That’s ridiculous.”
“‘M not inebriated.”
A background voice comes back. “Yeah, you are.”
Spencer sighs into the phone. “Just… send me your location, please? I’ll come get you.”
“O-kay. ‘M sending it right now, jus’ tell me when you-”
The call went dead before you could finish your thought, which he chalked up to some kind of drunken user error. A few seconds later a text came through 
You: dropped a pin
You: its molly again. let me know if you got this
He responded, relieved that you had someone looking after you, before getting ready and grabbing his keys. 
-
You were sitting on a bench outside the bar. The air was cool and crisp, but you were warm, your skin clammy from the alcohol. You had been mumbling something incoherent about Spencer, he’s just so good to me, Molly, and oh, god, I don’t know what to do with myself, and…
Molly, who had been trying to sober you up (unsuccessfully), was standing in front of you, arms crossed, listening to your incessant rambling.
“...’nd sometimes he talks to me, ‘nd I have no idea what he’s talking about but he’s so hot when he’s smart. You should hear, it, Mol’.”
Cars pass on the street behind you, filling the silence momentarily. Molly looks over her shoulder, scanning the street before turning back to you. “Alright. Be quiet. He’s here” 
“Don’t care.”
She puts her hand out to help you up, which you accept rising to your feet. You’re surprised by how unsteady you feel, but you focus on putting one foot in front of the other.
“I’ll make fun of you for this tomorrow,” she says. 
You only have a few seconds to grumble in protest before Spencer reaches you. He scans you quickly, chuckling to himself.
“You are a mess,” he says, amused. 
You feel slightly infantilized watching Molly hand over all your personal effects to him. You weren’t even sure when you’d put down your wallet and keys, much less where, but you’re thankful she picked them up and not someone else.
“Good luck,” She tells him. She pats your arm before turning back to the bar, leaving you alone on the street with him. 
“You okay?” He asks. You watch him shuck off his jacket, which he helps you slide over your arms.
“‘M fine,” you reply. “Warm.”
“Because you’re drunk.” He keeps his eyes trained on the zipper of the jacket, or really anywhere that isn't you in that dress. “Alcohol is a vasodilator. So you feel warm. But it's forty degrees outside, and hypothermia doesn't care.”
You pout at him, watching as he pulls the zipper tab up enough to shield you from the cold. Only then does he really look at you. 
“I wanted you to see my pretty dress,” you pout. Your words come out slurred still. 
You meet his eyes for a split second. He opens his mouth, seemingly about to reply, but quickly decides against it. He shakes his head as if to clear the thought.
“Come on. We gotta get you home.” 
“You don't like it?” 
“I didn't say that.” He tucks a hand under your arm as you begin back down the street, keeping you steady. 
“So you do like it?” You look over at him, your face more excited than he was expecting. 
“It’s very pretty,” he replies.
Your shoulder bumps his as you walk, seemingly unable to maintain a straight path along the sidewalk. The click of your heels against the pavement is uneven, despite your efforts to maintain some kind of composure, and unfortunately for you, he’s right, and it's freezing outside. You make steady progress down the block, placing all your focus on not falling flat on your face. Thankfully, he doesn't live all that far.
“D’you think I look pretty, too?” You ask, approaching the steps to his apartment.
“What are you trying to do?” he asks, looking down at you. He takes in the slight flush of your cheeks as the effects of the alcohol battle the chill in the air.
“I’m trying to flirt with you. And you didn’t answer my question.”
“Oh, you're going to be difficult all night, aren't you?” He sighs, ignoring the question. He pauses outside the door, keys in hand, and unlocks the door before guiding you inside. 
“You don't ever want to flirt with me.”
The door falls shut behind you with a clunk. The room is dark, with only the distant light from a lamp somewhere across the room illuminating it. You squint when he turns on the big light.
“That’s not true,” he says, quietly. If you weren’t hanging on to his every word, you might have missed it. He carefully unzips the jacket, tugging it off your shoulders and setting it on the table.
“So why won’t you flirt with me right now?” 
“Because you’re drunk,” He guides you towards the couch, his touch still careful as ever. 
You flop down onto the cushions. The leather sticks to your legs as you sit. Being the gentleman he is, he has already left pajamas out, his pajamas, you’d since claimed as your own, with the blanket you steal every time you stay over. 
“So what?” You begin working at the clasp on your heels, fumbling with the leather straps to no avail. 
“So, you’re drunk.” He repeats, reappearing in front of you. He sits on the edge of the coffee table in front of you, and hands you a pack of makeup wipes. “Do you need help with your shoes?” 
You nod. A soft breath of laughter escapes him as he leans in to help you take them off, setting them on the carpeted floor. 
“Spence,” you look at the pack of wipes. “Why do you have these?”
“Because every time you’re here you forget them,” he replies. 
“Oh.” You rip them open. “You don’t have a secret girlfriend?”
“No,” he replies, lowering your foot back to the ground. 
“You don't let other drunk girls sleep over?” You paw at your eyeliner, effectively smearing it around more than removing it. 
“I don't let anyone sleep over,” he says, taking the wipe from you. “Just you. Close your eyes.”
“Because you love me?” 
His fingers find the underside of your chin, gently tilting your face towards his so he can finish swiping away the last of your eyeliner. Maybe you’re blushing as a result of the alcohol warming your bloodstream, but the more likely answer is him, at this proximity. 
As soon as he’s done wiping your eyes, you open them again to look up at him. 
“You’re bold when you’re drunk,” he says, smiling. He sets the used wipe down on the table.
“Mhm. You didn’t answer my question.”
“I’m not going to,” He says. “Sorry. Go get changed.”
“That wasn’t a ‘no’,” you say. You collect the clothes off the couch and slink across the apartment into the bathroom to change. You don’t bother shutting the bathroom door before slinking off the dress you were wearing and sliding on the pajamas he’d left for you. Once you finish, you collect your dress off the floor and make your way back towards the couch, settling right into the cushions as you frequently did on nights like this. 
You were formulating another complaint about his lack of reciprocation, but your thoughts were interrupted as he pulled the blanket on his couch over you. Your blanket, or at least one you’d claimed as your own during one of your nights spent here. He had already turned off the ceiling fan, which you’d always insisted off when you slept over. You followed him with your gaze as he turned the lights off, swapping them instead for a smaller, softer light somewhere in the kitchen, remembering the way you’d always insisted he leave a light on somewhere, just for you. Your phone was already charging on a side table, your heels sitting nicely by the door, your keys on his key holder, evidence of you, everywhere, details that were distinctly for your comfort. Maybe you had missed his signals. 
“I think you do love me…” 
He reappeared a moment later, crouching in front of you with that look. He rolled his eyes, but he was smiling. “Go to sleep.”
“And I love you. And I called you because I wanted to tell you that.” 
“You really need to sleep it off. You’re saying things you don’t mean.”
“But I do mean it,” you whined. “I swear. Ask me again tomorrow.”
“You won’t remember this tomorrow,” he laughed. 
“But I will. I promise,” you replied. “No bedtime kiss?”
Of course, this time you did pick up the way he looked at you. 
“No, honey. Maybe tomorrow.”
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malkaviian · 2 years ago
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how to realize i've had enough academically speaking today: i started to think about rafael and luca's domestic life, in case they somehow meet and get together after rafael's divorce.
#oc talk#i imagine he would be heartbroken but luca would be able to lift his spirits just by existing. luca would come home#after doing grocery shopping and he would be like 'ah!! i forgot salt and cheese!' while rafael's all 'its ok<3 i'll buy it get comfy'#he would be. really protective; the type to kill the bug except luca would feel bad so he asks him to put it outside instead.#these little kind gestures he shows through the day would enamour him more tbh. i dont think they would fight that much#because luca is just too soft to get angry; and he would be way too soft towards him to get angry at anything he does.#ok maybe he would get a bit angry on the whole 'not doing anything else besides blocking to the person who sends me death threats'#but its not directed at him its more the frustration over the fact he seems to be too kind and non confrontational for his own good.#a family can be a femboy who lives off streaming on twitch; a divorced soldier#and the guy who seems part of their lives because he loves to send said femboy horrific and medically accurate death threats.#also finally luca can live off something that isnt delivery or instant noodles because rafael will cook sometimes for the both of them#although he also doesnt know to cook. a lot of things bc charlotte used to be in charge of that (like the fucking patriarchy /j /s)#but hey at least they can eat homemade soup. or chicken wings. its better than nothing.#another thing is that he would feel suspicious of anything luca's fans send him and inspect the package just to see it doesnt contains.#an explosive or something KJDNKJDSNFJNJ the package needs to surpass his vibe check /j#oh and he would feel extremely awkward appearing on stream even if accidentally so whenever luca is Working™#he secludes himself on the living room and talks to mary or smth. luca on the other hand would probably talk about him on stream#whenever he knows he will be busy and not come home for a few days or more. he would miss him a lot:c#another thing before going to sleep and because i needed to say it: rafael's sex life would suffer a significant downgrade. and i dont mean#that sex became bad; moreso he doesnt have sex like. ever. his meat stick has no use now besides peeing#maybe now that hes dating someone though luca may be open to have sex SOMETIMES; but for him sometimes is like. 1 time every 2 months#and rafael's used to be way more sexually active (plus the few times would need to be way softer compared to how he was used with charlotte#i imagine that can be a bit frustrating tbh and as any guy traumatized by being cheated on (even more on his case) he would be#somewhat scared that luca doesnt likes him actually and that hes already looking for someone else/has someone else 'satisfying' him already#he realizes it doesnt makes sense at all because hes not that type of person; or so it seems. he was already tricked once for years.#but its ok they will find a solution because theyre 💖💘💖IN LOVE💖💘💖 the lingerie luca had for onlyfans could be useful for something#probably
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libraford · 2 years ago
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Now that I work with a bunch of homophobes, I feel the weight of being a 'one of us.'
"Why are women so --- oh but not you, you're different."
"Why are gays so--' but you're not like them, you're more like us."
Krusty The Bird Killer rants for five minutes about black women being 'sluts that all have eight kids with different fathers because they'll lay with anything that moves,' and then talk sweet to our secretary, a black woman in her 40s who doesnt seem to count as a black woman when he's ranting.
I've been trying to put words to this behavior for awhile now. And I think it just comes down to 'us vs them.'
I showed up to work in a cowboy hat and work boots, wasnt afraid of the men's room, and lifted a 50 pound trash bag full of dog shit on my first day. I'm not like other women to them. I dont count. I'm one of us.
I talk about my girlfriend in a quiet way: I dont declare queer supremacy and I dont make my whole life about being queer and oppressed. I'm not like other lesbians. I dont count. I'm one of us.
They dont know me. They dont know my girly interests and they dont know about my political art pieces and they dont know about the fake eyelashes that I wore during pride. They certainly dont know I'm trans.
I passed their test. I'm 'one of the dudes.'
I'm really not, though.
If they saw me outside of work, I would be a Them. But they got to know me first. I'm in their list of "thems that are us." And every them that they meet can be an us. But they dont go out of their way to meet many thems.
I'm a Gay. I'm not the Gays. I'm (to them) a woman. I'm not Women. The secretary is black. But shes not The Blacks (pardon the phrasing, it hurt me to even type it that way.)
Every person is the stereotype of their group until someone gets to know them. But that doesn't disprove the stereotype- it just means that the person doesnt count as part of that group anymore. They're with us now.
Respectability politics really dont get us anywhere. If you're out to disprove the stereotype out of a sense that you'll change their minds, I'm telling you that energy is better spent living authentically if you are safe to do so.
Your influence on them doesnt change their perception of the box they put you in. They just put you in a smaller box. Fuck their opinions.
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suiana · 12 days ago
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yandere peacock x humming bird darling? :3
dont know about the humming birdbut i can DEFINITELY do peaCOCK yandere
in a world of demihumans, male peacocks are known for their bright and vibrant feathers. it is said that these feathers are usef to scare predators away and to attract any potential mates. however, in a society where looks are becoming more of the main focus, male peacocks have started to just use their flamboyant feathers to appear, well, more flamboyant. especially that one, your neighbour.
he's a flamboyant man, that's for sure.
he moved in next door and you haven't really saw him much. that was, until, he heard your singing and went 'holy crap, you're a beautiful singer'. well actually, you don't know if he said that. but he only started showing interest in you after you caught him standing outside the door to your karaoke room.
conveniently enough, that was when he started showcasing his... army of feathers, passing by your door several times as other neighbours complained about him blocking up the whole damn hallway. you live in a tiny apartment complex after all. that meant tiny hallways and little to no space to walk if someone decided to spread his feathers and pace up and down a certain door.
you don't know what to do except tell him you're not interested repeatedly. because let's be honest, do you really think this guy is gonna leave even after you reject him? he's just going to come back for seconds and say that he's simply showing his feathers because they're beautiful! not because he wants to woo you...
that definitely didn't happen already. yup, definitely not.
"𝓰𝓸𝓸𝓭 𝓶𝓸𝓻𝓷𝓲𝓷𝓰 𝓰𝓸𝓻𝓰𝓮𝓸𝓾𝓼..."
"good morning."
a quiet sigh escapes your lips as you lock your front door like you always do. lately though, you think that your door might be broken. it's always open whenever you return from your job. did you not lock it tightly enough? also for some reason there's always a hint of expensive floral fragance in the air. were you hallucinating? maybe a neighbour just bought some flowers?
well whatever, you'll just get a locksmith to see to your lock soon. maybe this weekend? as for the floral scent, it's no big deal. the scent is rather pleasant so you don't mind.
"heading to work, beautiful?"
you nod your head. yeah... another day of work at your boring job. you're really wasting your potential as a hummingbird demihuman. you could've been a famous singer by now!
orrrr... maybe not. you'd lose all your privacy if you became famous. no way in hell did you want that.
"be careful my pretty, i heard there's been a ton of accidents on the road these days. wouldn't want my neighbour to get hurt now, huh?"
oh how considera-
and there he was, flashing his damned feathers at you as a mysterious sparkle flashes around him. this... this stupid golden light that seemed to shine down on him, illuminating his godly sculpted features even more.
what a damn adonis.
no, he's more like narcissus. always admiring his beauty. you swear you've caught him staring at himself in a mirror store before while out shopping. that was one hell of a time.
you deadpan at him for a moment, just staring as he strikes pose after pose, body carefully twisted in such a way that would show off not only his feathers, but also his slender body. he's gorgeous, you have to admit that.
"have a good day neighbour."
"𝔂𝓸𝓾 𝓽𝓸𝓸 𝓭𝓪𝓻𝓵𝓲𝓷𝓰- wait what? you're leaving already?"
your peacock neighbour deflates IMMEDIATELY, lips turning down into a pout as his feathers grow soft, falling down behind him. do his feathers act like a dick? you've always wondered that. they get hard and erect and soft sometimes. maybe you should ask him that someday.
"yeah, i have work dude. i'll be late if i stall any longer."
you waste not a single second before leaving him behind to pout childishly as a dark aura envelops him. you swear you even heard him mutter something about showing your boss who's in charge. what a weirdo. how would he even know who your boss is? dumbass.
what a weirdo your neighbour is, am i right fellas? definitely don't want him as your secret stalker, that's for sure! haha!
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captainshyguy · 9 months ago
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its because theyre the closest thing the fandom has to twinks and fandoms explode if they cant ship two little skinny guys or something
I finished Super Paper Mario earlier today for the first time after 16 years of owning and adoring the game and
I have a question for any Limentio / Dimigi shippers out there.
Why
#sorry my friend sent this to me and we both laughed bc like🤝yeah same. anyway this is my mean and mostly true answer#my answer where i give people benefit of the doubt is- (and i apologise for the length lol)#a lot of people are already drawn to spm because ofthe whole 'its the darkest mario game' and the high stakes of it#so getting to explore a fan favourites “dark side” is something people are already interested in- which is why mr l is so popular#and then dimentio usurping count bleck and in a lot of peopels eyes like 'being the chessmaster' gives him a layer of danger and intruigue#which is why he's so popular too. then u put these two 'heehee dark themes- high stakes' cocepts together into super dimentio#people lose their minds. they see it as a window to explore a dark side of a beloved character- with dmentio being a sort of corrupter i th#then it spirals from there into....whatever the hell they do with them. i dont get the fluff lol#personally i think that 'idk i get gay vibes from them and maybe somethig happened in the time they worked together' isnt like...#idk its a bit of a leap but its not the wildlest leap this fandom has made. people do 'heehee they hate each other- enemies to lovers' a lo#but i think i ur gonna do that u really need to own the ick of it. examine what it means#the 'guys. luigi isnt...himself right now he is literally hypnotised' like if ur gonna use that to further their charcters#by using it as a device to show dimetio cutting his bridges with people and deciing he's gonan hurt everyone aroudn him and do what he want#and then use it later for luigi to have to recover from and examine- both the trauma of being taken advantage of in such a moment#and 'why was hypnotised me about that. why did he go along with it' etc like idk i can respect that. bc its not abt the romance#its abt what it does to them and says abt them#BUT THE CRUCIAL THIGN IS YOU CAN GET THAT FROM OTHER PAIRINGS TOO!!!!!#you want to explore dimentio deeply hurting and manipulating someone to see how far he's falling? o chunks. floro sprout#you want luigi angst about him getting hypnotised and recovering from that. NASTASIA DID IT FIRST!!!#but o chunks is a big ole bear and nastasia is a woman and the fandom just arent into them. they have the least attention by far#and at the end ofthe day a lot of fans will go back to the guys theyre into- which...is usually the skinny twinks#i do NOT get dimigi outside of that shallow answer though im sorry. luigi just doesnt like him its entirely twink corruptign yaoi#or 'redeeming dimentio through luigi bc i want him to live or something'#also i say this as both a twink and a big enjoyer of mlm myself lol (and someone whos fave is dimentio)- it just doesnt make sense#i guess at my most charitable i could see- 'the person who dimentio hurt the most helpig him redeem himself' could be compellig#but that leading to romance doest interest me at all and also i think luigi deserves better than to have to reform that bastard lol#also i think its way more interesting if he never comes back lol i like the tragedy of it. he just hurts everyone around him#and then he's gone and they have to live with it#also side note if any shippers want to debate this with me i do not sorry <3 im giving my perspective then running thank u#mario
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missfertileandferal · 4 months ago
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lowkey super anxious to post this but im missing you guys so much <3
i plan on a solid return soon! i just wanted to get off my chest whats been going on:
Earlier this year, I dealt with an awful situation of my kinky stuff leaking into real life. My insane coworkers found my content and as I was serving on the clock, proceeded to show my customers and all the staff. then i was fired. Im traumatized to say the least but I over came it.
Come mid summer, I planned so step back for a little bit to move apartments no more than a couple weeks. What happened was both my job (i worked with close family friends so stressful) and a really bad situation with a companion found about my kink stuff. i never expected or was prepared for the humiliation, deception, and pain that would come from my fetish journey
My last job was such a loss. I had been blessed with a cute job as a medical office assistant without any credentials (i wasnt doing anything out of my capabilities of course) it was so peaceful and perfect compared to the drama of my last gig plus working with familiar people felt just like home honestly. Then I got covid. I was out for 2 weeks, at the same time i was moving into my new place. I tried calling them back to let them know I was cleared and ready to get back to work. I received a humiliating text. I was dismissed. That turned into a crippling anxiety of them confessing to my family what I do in my past time
The following week I was met with more disappointment. Ive said this before but I dont have many people in my corner. It used to suck to admit but I stand with pride now knowing those who are around me love me 100% regardless what I do or dont do.
One of my dearest dearest friends, who I had previously communicated what I do (not to a full extent they always respected it) called me very dramatically only a week before I planned to see them (they live across the country and we ALWAYS visit each other when in our cities) It still doesnt feel real tbh, the call only last 40 seconds. I was informed that “I was going on the wrong path” and could no longer be associated with. That’s alls that happened. 8 years down the drain
I was informed by outside sources that my hometown opps had gotten hold of my content (who my ex friend still associate with but I despise bc they’ve always been obsessed with me but in a bad way) and they had confronted him about being my friend. he pussied out and cut me off. they also mass reported my last instagram account😡🤬
I had to take some time back to seriously debate if these loses were worth it. I was swallowed with so much anxiety knowing that an uncomfortable amount of people in my zip code knew what ive been up to. its already complicated being into this and while at the same time not being in a plus size body. thats another conversation tho
That debate has turned into me accepting these events as the universe weeding out people/things that no longer serve me. This has shown peoples true colors, if I am not to be associated with because of my sexual freedom, body acceptance, and undoing of fat phobia then PLEASE LEAVE ME ALONE.
Im recovering ❤️‍🩹 but my heart and hedonism can’t be helped. i love being a kinky lil gut slut. its helped me grow in so many ways from acceptance to living an esoteric dreamy life. i love all the hot girls and guys that i see on my timeline. they hype me up and vise versa. i love this little corner of the internet. my fellow freaks keep me going. i’ve been so on and off online but every time i come back to the sweetest words and support. thank you guys for your patience and consideration
my anxiety is to the roof as im typing. its crazy that these privacy problems havent been within the actual community. funny. if your still reading this I love you extra. ill be streaming on ig on my comeback day!
new ig acc @missfertileandferal💘
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the-flaneur · 3 months ago
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hi flan! Could i pleas have charles leclerc and a boiling flask labelled with a sticker (i dont mind a marker if you would prefer) to mix together phosphorous, cobalt and tin with a blue pill and bath water?
double trouble (cl16)
pairing: charles leclerc x reader
phosphorus "you know, i could always get you off here right now" + cobalt "please..." "you need to learn to be better with your words, don't you think? tell me what you really want" + tin "i know for a fact that you can be a hell of a lot louder than that” & blue pill sub!reader + bath water size kink
warnings: 18+, MDNI, NSFW -> smut ft. rough sex, public sex (or sex in a public location aka the bathroom), unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it), size kink, bratty!reader, very little plot
wc: 1865
a/n: first request ever! hope you guys enjoy, and feel free to send me more requests :)
[masterlist] [requests]
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the quiet jazz in the restaurant was of little comfort to charles tonight. 
usually, he was excited at the prospect of a double date with you, max and max’s girlfriend, eager to be able to catch up properly with his friend and their lives outside of racing (albeit max’s still very racing dominated off time)
however tonight you were being a fucking brat.
you had been teasing him all day, from your grocery shop this morning where you “accidentally” backed into him, rubbing your ass against his bulge, or when you went to take leo on for a walk, and you accidentally bent down too far while scoping up leo’s poop, showing charles your gorgeous lace panties under your skirt, or even just before the date, when you walked into the bedroom, stark naked except your heels, and then cheekily asked if you looked good and then shutting the door so you could change in “peace”
charles was hard, horny and desperate to get his hands on your hips.
so when you started your teasing again, charles knew he had to do something about it.
it being the fact that your hand was trailing up his thigh, your manicure tickling the skin near his bulge, before you pressed a firm two fingers into his bulge and rubbed it.
“merde,” charles groaned quietly, leaning back into the plush booth couch and very grateful that the jazz trio had started their music once again, so that his exclamation remained unknown to max and his girlfriend. 
“mmm cherie, please move your fingers away,” charles muttered, trying to grab your wrist, but you giggled, before moving you fingers instead towards his belt, and toying with the buckle.
"you know, i could always get you off here right now,” he bit his lip, watching as you slowly pulling his dress shirt out, revealing his gorgeous waist and lightly defined abs which you loved.
“you say otherwise but you love this, don’t you…imagine me giving you a handjob while our friends are just sitting across from us,” you teased, and charles almost growled aloud at your teasing words, and now he was done with you.
snatching your wrist away from his bulge, pinning them to his lap, before working his own hands beneath your dress
“yeah you would like that you slut, wouldn’t you? me at your mercy for once in your life. well too bad, cause you’re my slut, and my brat to play with tonight,” he whispered, pressing his mouth against your earlobe, before tapping his fingers against your soiled panties
you whimpered softly as charles' words sent shivers down your spine, the touch of his fingers against your damp panties making you clench around nothing, "y-yes... i'm yours," you breathe out, a softness creeping into your voice against your brattiness tonight.
as charles continues to whisper dirty promises, you suddenly feel an urgent need to escape, "wait, i really have to use the restroom," you address the group, trying to sound casual while squirming slightly in your seat and pulling charles’ fingers away.
charles raises an eyebrow, a smirk playing on his lips. "oh? and why's that, little girl?" he leans back, folding his arms across his chest as he watches you intently. "trying to get away from me already?"
you bite your lip, avoiding eye contact as you fidget with the hem of your skirt. max and his girlfriend exchange knowing looks, aware of the brattiness you bring to the relationship and charles’ rough hand to bring you back down to earth.
feeling flustered under their amused gazes, you quickly stand up and make your way towards the restrooms, trying to maintain some semblance of dignity. once inside the stall, you take a deep breath, letting the cool air hit your flushed face. leaning against the wall, you run a shaky hand through your hair, attempting to calm your racing heart.
after a few moments, you hear the door creak open behind you. glancing over your shoulder, you spot none other than charles entering the stall, a mischievous glint in his eye.
"well, well, well... looks like my little fucktoy needs some privacy," he says, closing the door behind him and locking it. his voice is low and husky, sending a thrill straight to your core. without warning, he steps closer, his large frame crowding you against the wall.
your breath hitches as charles looms over you, his presence both intimidating and exhilarating. the smell of his cologne mixed with the musk of his skin fills your nostrils, making your head spin.
"what do you think you're doing, coming in here with me?" you manage to stammer, even as your body betrays you, pressing back against the cold tile in a futile attempt to create distance from his overwhelming nature.
charles chuckles darkly, his hands finding your hips and gripping them tightly. "i could ask you the same thing, sweetheart. you're the one who insistently teased me on this little alone time."
he leans in, his hot breath ghosting over your ear as he whispers, "but since we're here together, let's put that pretty pussy of yours to good use, hmm?"
“please…” you whimpered pathetically, watching in a haze of arousal as charles rips your delicate panties to shreds, the torn fabric fluttering to the floor. your cheeks burn with shame and desire as he teases your sensitive clit with a single finger, circling the swollen bud with maddening slowness.
"you need to learn to be better with your words, don't you think? tell me what you really want," he growls, tracing his fingers maddeningly close and smirks when you attempt to push yourself down onto him.
"i-i want... i want you to fuck me," you admit, the words tumbling out in a rush, "please, charles... use me. make me yours..."
his dark chuckle vibrates against your skin as he presses harder against your clit, coaxing out more of your needy whimpers, "that's more like it, baby girl. now, let's see if you can handle something a bit bigger than just my fingers, shall we?"
"i-i want... i want you to fuck me," you admit, the words tumbling out in a rush, "please, charles... use me. make me yours..."
his dark chuckle vibrates against your skin as he presses harder against your clit, coaxing out more of your needy whimpers, "that's more like it, baby girl. now, let's see if you can handle something a bit bigger than just my fingers, shall we?"
gasping sharply, you nod eagerly, craving the sensation of being stretched wide by charles's girthy cock. the thought sends a jolt of liquid heat pooling between your thighs. "yes, please... i need it," you plead, spreading your legs further apart in invitation. "fill me up, charles,"
with a wicked grin, he frees his impressive erection from his pants, the thick shaft bobbing menacingly as he lines it up with your entrance. "brace yourself, darling," he warns, his voice dripping with sadistic pleasure.
then, with a powerful thrust, he sheathes himself fully inside you, the sheer size of him forcing a strangled cry from your throat. you cling to him desperately, nails digging into his back as he begins to move, each deep stroke dragging you closer to the edge of ecstasy.
you cry out loudly as charles plunges deeper, the stretch of his massive cock tearing a raw moan from your throat. each brutal thrust hits a spot within you that sets off sparks of electric pleasure, making your toes curl and your back arch involuntarily. you attempt to clasp a hand over your mouth, trying to curb the wanton noises escaping between your lips, but charles has none off that.
"i know for a fact that you can be a hell of a lot louder than that," charles purrs, his lips brushing against your ear as he pounds into you relentlessly. "let me hear how much you love taking my big dick,"
despite your best efforts to keep quiet, your quickly body betrays you, moans spilling past your lips with every merciless stroke. the shame only adds to your arousal, your inner walls clenching tighter around charles's throbbing length as he fucks you with wild abandon.
"you're so fucking tight, baby,"
wailing shamelessly as charles ravages your aching cunt, you lose yourself in the overwhelming sensations coursing through your veins. the obscene slap of flesh against flesh echoes through the small stall, mingling with your desperate cries and charles's guttural grunts.
"so full... oh god, charles!" you keen, fingernails raking down his muscular back hard enough to leave marks. "fuck me harder!" he obliges with a feral growl, pistoning his hips faster, driving his huge cock impossibly deeper. your vision starts to blur at the edges as the coil of tension in your belly winds tighter and tighter, threatening to snap at any moment.
"gonna cum soon, aren't you?" charles rasps, nipping at your neck roughly. "go ahead, slut. cum all over my fat cock."
with a final keening wail, your orgasm crashes over you like a tidal wave, every muscle seizing up as pure ecstasy consumes you whole. your pussy spasms violently around charles's enormous shaft, milking him as you convulse helplessly in his arms.
"f-fuuuuck!" you sob brokenly, tears leaking from the corners of your eyes as the intense pleasure borders on pain. it feels like charles is splitting you open, reshaping your insides to fit him perfectly.
in response, he snarls savagely, burying himself to the hilt one last time before erupting deep within you. thick ropes of molten seed paint your quivering walls, marking you as his property in the most primal way possible.
shuddering through the aftershocks of your climax, you feel charles' hot release flooding your already oversensitive pussy. the sensation of his heavy balls slapping against your ass as he pumps you full of cum only heightens your bliss, leaving you limp and boneless in his grasp.
as charles slowly softens inside you, he pulls out with a wet pop, his spent cock glistening with your combined fluids. you can't help but gaze up at him
"look at you," charles murmurs, tucking his softening member back into his pants. "such a good little cumslut, taking everything i give you without complaint." he smirks, adjusting his clothing with a satisfied air.
still reeling from the intense fucking with charles, you stumble out of the bathrom, blinking in the bright lights of the restaurant. to your surprise, max and his girlfriend are nowhere to be seen, the table where you ate is cleared of their presence.
a folded piece of paper catches your eye, sitting atop the now-clean tablecloth. curious, you pick it up and read the brief message scrawled across the page:
we know how much fun you guys like to have so here's dinner on us, but you owe us for next time ;)
a flush rises to your cheeks at the implication, and you quickly crumple the note, tossing it aside. just then, charles appears beside your shoulder, looking every inch the self-assured boyfriend once more.
"well, looks like our friends made themselves scarce," he remarks, his dark eyes glinting with amusement.
“wanna go back home for round 2?”
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permanent f1 taglist (comment or msg me to join)
@charlesgirl16 @tallrock35 @sweate-r-weathe-r @unlikelystay @alex-wotton
@daisyfreecs @euphorihan @louloucs @oikarma
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© the-flanuer || do not copy, rewrite or translate any of my work on any platform.
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into-f0lkl0re · 7 months ago
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kk arnold x reader
this is for all my kk arnold girlies (yall dont get enough love it hurts)
warnings: none i think maybe just my horrendous spelling
sfw (i might do something nsfw later but idk 🤷��♀️ If yall like this i will)
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Before dating
* y’all are either team mates or you like work on the uconn wbb team for something
* i cam honestly see you working on the media team (yk how it is with the kk arnold show)
* like you are a student at uconn but you do this to put on your portfolio/resume and also it pays
* you are the only media girly who puts up with kk’s antics
* like everyone else runs for the hills when kk starts acting up but you are there trying not to kys- i mean laugh
* like the whole team loves you cuz you take fire photos and you are just awesome and amazing in general
* but kk is like 😍😍😍 “she doesn’t find me annoying or atleast acts like she doesn’t” 😍😍😍
* talks paige’s ear off about you to the point where paige is contemplating murder
“Paige-paige did you see y/n today”
“she looked so pretty i wonder if she thinks about me”
“do you think we should invite her on the live”
“ paige do you think y/n likes crumbl”
“ i bet she likes warm cookies”
“ do you think she would want to hang out with me?”
and paige is just like 😟🔫
“kk why don’t you just ask her? what is the worst she could say?”
“GIRLLL BOO ARE YOU DUMB TF?!?!?”
“kk the worst she could say is no”
“SHE SAYS NO AND THEN NO MORE KK ARNOLD SHOW AND THEN WHATS THE POINT OF ANYTHING??!!?”
“you have issues”
kk:☹️
the entire team gets so pissed off by kk’s rambling that they take matters into their own hands
it’s after practice or media day or something and you are packing up your gear and kk is just like admiring you from the bench. paige and ice just kinda grab her and push her towards you whispering “man up dude”
kk being kk stumbles and almost falls on top of you then awkwardly just like stands there 🧍‍♂️
“HI”
“oh hey kk what’s up?”
“you took good photos today”
“thank you”
“ofc! you also look really pretty today”
you like her and yk that she likes you so you mess with her a little
“so i didn’t look pretty yesterday?”
“UH-NO-YOU-I MEAN-“
poor girl is sweating
“YOU ALWAYS LOOK REALLY PRETTY”
“thank you kk you look really pretty as well”
“you think i’m pretty?”
“ofc i think you are pretty kk id be blind not to”
“would you -uh- maybe like -uh- wanna go out sometime just us or not like we can invite the rest of the team unless you want it to be just us which would be cool but if you dont-“
“kk i would love to go out with you”
“c-cool like just us? or like the team?”
“like just us”
“ok! cool! cool!”
kk is frantically wiping her sweaty palms on her shorts and does not know what else to say because she didn’t plan this far ahead she just kinda assumed you would say no
��——————————————————————
while dating
* kk absolutely adores you
* she is a big physical touch person
* it’s how she shows her love
* she will just lie on top of you and hold you and will not let you go
* she holds on to you for dear life
* like if you have to go to the bathroom while yall are cuddling she is having a fit
“kk get off i have to pee”
“so you are telling me you don’t love me”
“kk you are lying directly on my bladder get off”
“so you hate me and you wish i was dead”
“kk literally what??”
“why do you wanna leave me???!??”
“kk i promise i will be right back”
“ can i just come with you “
“..fine”
she sits outside the bathroom while you are in there
she once tried to hold your hand and you were like
“i love you but i have limits i will not hold your hand while im pissing”
•she loves showing you off to the live
“bab-baby cmere the live wants to say hi”
“hi live”
“yall this is my beautiful girlfriend”
“baby we are doing a talent show what’s your talent?”
“yall my talented girlfriend is gonna sing for yall”
“kk i don’t want to sing”
“baby please”
you end up singing like shake it off or something
“YUP YUP THATS MY GIRLFRIEND!!”
“DOESNT SHE SOUND GREAT!-ANY HATE AND YOU ARE BLOCKED✋”
* you take all of her fit photos and she loves it
“kk baby move over here so the sunlight is infront of you- look to the side and then down- ok perfect hold on-“
and you are just like crouching weirdly with your digital camera or phone trying to get the best angle and you always do
and anyway yall are just perfect and wonderful together
this is kinda shit but i love kk and she deserves more love
i hope yall like it 🤞🤞 please send in requests idk who to do next and idk what to write for fics
thank you for all the love 💗!!!!
big forehead kisses💕💕
-faye
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lemon-shark-gamer · 12 days ago
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The Genshin Impact fandom is fascinating to me when it comes to fanfics, because I feel like I struggle to find any fics that really *get* the characterization of certain characters and I'm loathed to write my own because dammit I just want to read the specific itch I crave without resorting to creating it. Give me three more months and I'll cave in.
For example, Diluc is one of my favorites and I find his backstory fascinating in terms of his father Crepus possibly being more morally ambiguous than most fans are willing to admit and how little we know of Diluc's murder spree in Snezhnaya.
For example which Harbinger(s) did he have a run-in with? Will we find out more about the secret intelligence network that took him in, that he apparently had a high position in? Did he ever find the answers he was searching for? The list goes on.
It's hard for me to find the specific characterization of him I crave for in fics because I think his platonic relationship with Kaeya is incredibly nuanced and complex but I feel like his character often gets assassinated for Kaeya angst but like, the man had the worst birthday ever?
Imagine being Diluc, living through a literal worst nightmare. Your dad is dead after you failed to protect him yourself. Not only is your dad dead but he died after wielding a delusion--you dont even know what a delusion is but its clearly bad news. Why the fuck did your father have it and how?
On top of this, the Favonius Knights--the organization you proudly served and the very organization that your father heavily encouraged you to serve--insists on covering up the truth because it makes them look bad. The Favonius Knights, who are supposed to be honorable and uphold integrity, are anything but that.
Then your adoptive brother, who you've known for years and trust with your life, shows up and tells you he's been spying for a foreign nation since you were kids with the intent of harming Mondstadt and everything about your relationship is possibly all one big lie and well--how do you not snap??
Now, I'm also incredibly fond of Kaeya and he was just as traumatized by Crepus's death. He was wracked with guilt for *feeling* relieved that he didn't have to worry about betraying his birth father for his adoptive father since Crepus was dead. He anticipated Diluc's anger and felt like their duel was a punishment for his lies.
To me, it hints that Kaeya probably didn't reveal the truth expecting Diluc's understanding, but rather he knew how he would react and perhaps he wanted Diluc to strike him down in that duel. Or at the very least, he wanted to distance himself from Diluc and cut off ties in order to avoid emotional attachment stopping him from his mission.
I personally head-canon that Diluc withdrew upon seeing Kaeya's vision because well--why would the gods bless Kaeya with a vision if he truly had the intent to harm Mondstadt? So in spite of what Kaeya revealed, he isn't a threat. But there's still a lot of hurt there to navigate through.
I think it's fascinating seeing where they stand in present game because Kaeya obviously has the ideology of working the system from within. He stayed in the knights (even taking over his brother's position) and with Jean rooted out the Inspector and his cronies.
Meanwhile Diluc just isn't that type of person. He doesn't settle, he refuses to work in a system he views corrupt, he rather accomplish what he can outside of it. Curiously, he doesn't challenge the status quo beyond being vocal of his distaste of the Knights.
This is head-canon fantasyland, but I like to envision Kaeya and Diluc do use a lot of the same informants and collaborate on intel relating to the safety of Mondstadt (especially since Diluc can move in ways against the Fatui that the Knights can't due to political reasons) but they struggle to have the same connection as before.
For example, Diluc's story quest--Kaeya was essentially giving Diluc an alibi with the Knights. Even if Jean damn well knows who it is, they still have to have official documentation stating otherwise.
Kaeya is good at reading people, he has to be given how he was raised to be a child spy. But I like to think he struggles to read Diluc like before. Diluc is much more jaded, pessimistic, quieter than before. He prefers to work on his own as much as possible. From Kaeya's pov, the only person he's seen Diluc willing to fully trust enough to work alongside with is the Traveler, and he states as much.
The opposite is true of Diluc. Kaeya was his shadow, a quiet but inquisitive, witty observer. Cavalry Captain Kaeya is much more outgoing and friendly, his charm on full display. Did he ever really truly know Kaeya or did he only show Diluc what he wanted him to see? Is Kaeya happier this way?
Fanon often depicts Kaeya as essentially being barred from the dawn winery from the duel by Diluc himself, but I don't think that's quite the case. Much rather, given the reason he told Diluc that night, I think he views himself as undeserving due to unresolved guilt.
Canon seems to hint at all of this through his hangout and Hidden Strife, the latter of which is unfortunately a time-limited event that occurred before I even played (hoyo please stop having heavy lore drops occur in time limited events).
I think the two want to trust each other again, but both are afraid of destroying the tentative truce they have so they leave all of it unaddressed. Kaeya refuses to be completely truthful ever again and Diluc acknowledges the past but refuses to discuss it. The tragedy in their relationship that neither is at fault for what happened--it's a twisted emotional mess of grief and heartbreak.
The last point I'd like to touch on is the parallels between Kaeya and Diluc both being essentially child soldiers for their fathers' causes.
For Kaeya, being abandoned in Mondstadt to be a child spy is the most overt. For Diluc? Despite Crepus's strong ambition to be a Favonius Knight and to have a vision--neither happened for him. In Diluc's vision story, it states that he views his vision being a result of their "shared" ambition, hinting that his vision was granted after Diluc's strong resolve to achieve his father's dreams for him.
We know Crepus heavily encouraged Diluc down this path at very young age, given Diluc received his vision at age 10 and became the youngest Captain at age 14. In some ways, I'm sure Kaeya was a bit jealous of Diluc for having a loving father present in his life that was overtly proud of him.
I am not saying Crepus wasn't a good father, I think he cared immensely for Kaeya and Diluc both, but I do think he did some morally grey shit.
Diluc abandoning his vision is fascinating and it's almost never explored in fics. He is the only vision holder we know of (aside from the Inazumauns whose visions were taken by force) that had their ambition for their vision shaken in such a way that they voluntarily discarded their vision for a time and only took it back after reigniting a new ambition to have it (and as far we know the only allogene that faced no negative setbacks from using a delusion long-term without their vision present).
I don't know where to end all of this, except if you have ragbros fic recommendations that you believe cover it in a more nuanced way, let me know!
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runaeveena · 4 months ago
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intense meta acting boot camp was actually the best decision they made for filming band of brothers because those actors truly Truly embodied the characters so much so that they physically look different from any other character they play like if i look at any picture of donnie wahlberg anytime in his career i am filled with apathy and disdain EXCEPT for when he is on screen as carwood lipton. you ask me whos my special man that i wish was my mom and i point at his potato ass head, you say "that's donnie wahlberg" and i say no that's band of brothers real life character carwood lipton and you say "bro that's donnie wahlberg he's in blue bloods" and i say no no no thats lip that's my mom and he's having speirs' baby and you say "what" and i point at real life character ron speirs and you say "is that matthew settle? from gossip girl?" but im not even listening anymore because i can't acknowledge these actors existing in anything outside of the 2001 masterpiece band of brothers and then you say "arent these real life people? dont you think youve crossed a line in how you interact with the fictional portrayal of these real people who felt vulnerable and embarrassed about the most traumatic part of their lives being made into a ten part television series?" and i say yeah that's all true, a character is bordered by an outline of historical fact that influences the way a writer or researcher who never met the man can perceive them and then mold personality traits to fit into something palatable for a story that can only try to achieve the truth because all media is art at its core. maybe the real men felt a mixture of relief and disappointment that their lives and stories were not accurately shared, and that's why there's about fifty books about them, but really the reason why there's so many people who are willing to read those books, who want to know more about these men's lives, is because the series showed us a snapshot of ordinary lives being celebrated, and those ordinary lives were crafted, honed, and acted so well because those actors did the most work they could to make each character feel alive and special. even if they weren't accurately portraying the real men, i continue, they are nonetheless influenced by them, literally taking their direction in how to behave and the final product of the show lives on as its own entity, separated from the real people, yet connected by a moment that happened eighty years ago. you nod a bit, "and that's why you're okay writing donnie wahlberg mpreg now?" and for the last fucking time its not donnie wahlberg anymore dale dye beat that name out of him for the entire duration of filming it's LIPTON
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3liza · 2 years ago
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tumblr live should not be this mysterious
the plug-n-play streaming package that Tumblr installed as "Tumblr Live" is a white label product from a company called Livebox (developed by the Meet Group, subsidary of Parshipmeet), who have a homepage riddled with spelling errors and purport to operate the dating apps Meet Me (formerly My Yearbook), Skout, Tagged, and Growlr, all of which appear to be identical except for Growlr, which is specifically for gay men. all of them are just dating apps with a livestreaming feature. i would venture a guess based on the architecture that Livebox is also powering Superlive, which is the only one of these I have any experience with. it's popular with camgirls outside of the USA, especially in countries where full nude camming is illegal.
i don't really understand what livestreaming has to do with dating apps and don't know anyone who uses these platforms for anything. i assume some of it is just sex work, some of it is just ad space, lots of data brokering, and judging by the performance issues the users complain about, possibly crypto mining(???).
looking through the app pages on the Play store shows the same reviews for every single one of them: app crashes constantly, bans are arbitrary, support is no help, the apps drain your phone battery suspiciously quickly, and there are about 20 bots for every real person profile. i dont know what the exact dates are because i cant see site analytics and dont know what the Live development schedule was, but it's interesting that the sudden increase in porn bot activity on tumblr seems to roughly overlap with the Tumblr Live development and implementation, at least from a tumblr user perspective.
i dont know where the strangers in the Tumblr Live bar are streaming from, in terms of what you would consider their "home network". im guessing, but it really looks to me like they are streaming on whatever familiar platform they've got an audience on, and then being split-streamed to Tumblr. i've been meaning to sit in one of the popular streams and check usernames of audiencemembers, because my guess is that most of the audience are not going to have accounts here either. many of the streamers ive checked do not have tumblr accounts. some of them have tumblr accounts, but most of those accounts appear perfunctory: only a few months old, completely impersonal reblogs from the trending tab (you know the type), instagram-type language and general aspirational influencer stuff, which absolutely does not exist on tumblr organically because this site does not have market share for sponsored products OR a userbase with disposable income, it's a waste of time for an instagram model type to post here.
i've tried to talk to these streamers once or twice about this stuff but didn't get anywhere, and it would be rude to press the issue. but that is probably the next step.
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