#they don't realize it though and generally don't have the emotional intelligence to communicate their needs

[teslacoils-and-hubris]

finally managed to finish that angsty drabble of the first time Butch said I love you! under the cut cause its long and also warning for general emotional angst and like. mild gore mention? nothing too graphic but you know, be aware and all that

oh also theres some context for the situation in the tags if you're interested in that kinda thing

The sickly green fluorescent lights had been on the verge of death for as long as Bug had been waking up sewn back together on the cold metal table. They’d gotten used to the flickering, buzzing annoyance over the years but never quite managed to tune it out. Across the room, the crrk fwoosh of the faucet signaled their saviour washing their blood off his hands. 

It wasn’t the first time they’d been brought back to life in the shady backroom of a butcher shop (they had the scars to prove it), and it certainly wouldn’t be the last with the luck they’d been having. Fuck, her head was pounding.

“We can’t keep doing this.” The voice was harsh and painful in their ears; their headphones must have been lost during whatever skirmish got them killed this time. “Reanimation don’t work forever, Ant, you know that.” 

Like it was their fault. Like it was ever their fault. Bug simply huffed and rolled over the best their sore body could manage. The metal embalming table had started to warm up slightly now that her heart was beating, but it was still cool enough to soothe her aches. Whoever jumped him really did a number. Ow fuck. Maybe rolling over was a bad idea.

"No, come on," was the buzzing always this loud? "You don't get to ignore me, Bug!"

Bugs eyes shot over to Butch. He never called them that. This was wrong. Everything was wrong. They wanted to throw up. The fucking lights never stopped flickering.

"If you're mad about me not paying the last couple of times, I can." Their voice was hoarse. It always was after revival. "Name your price."

"Name my- you think this is about money?!" Butch was shouting now. It hurt. He waved his hands as he spoke, passing in front of the already flickering lights in ways that made Bug's aching head spin. "I found you cut in half- fucking bisected! On the side of the road!"

Bug was currently trying to cover both their eyes and ears at the same time and wasn't all that interested in the state Butch found their corpse. "Don't you eat people?" It was barely louder than a very annoyed whisper. "Shouldn't you be used to gnarly corpses?" That wasn't the right thing to say. They knew it as soon as it left their lips. This was why they were always ending up in Butch's revival shop. They never fucking think before running their stupid fucking mouth.

"Are you listening to a fucking word I've said!" It wasn't a question. "I can't keep doing this! You have to be careful!"

If Bug had had a clearer head, they might have picked up on the desperation in Butch's voice. Instead, the shouting drilled into their brain like an ice pick, making their face flush and their heart race. They growled, ignoring the pain to lug themself upright to glare at the brick wall of a man and the current source of all their problems. Her tail writhed against the quickly warming table. 

"You don't get to control my life just cause we've fucked Butch," they spat, and the way Butch jolted away like the words burnt him hurt worse than every death they’d gone through combined. They just had to keep digging, did they? Why can't they ever stop digging?

Bug was always very aware of Butch's size. The man was massive and completely shameless about taking up space. It was a constant teasing point in their friendship how much shorter Bug was. But they'd never felt the full weight of his size until this moment. Even sitting on the raised table (customized for Butch's height), the man towered over Bug, and as he leaned closer, Bug started to panic. 

"I'm not trying to control your life," Their heart was racing- close, too close! "I'm trying to keep you alive!" Bug's small wings puffed up as much as they could to make him look bigger to the perceived threat. Something smelled like blood, it made Bug want to retch. They wanted to scratch and bite and protect themself, but all they could do was add more fuel to the fire.

"What do you care if I'm alive?" 

At those words, Butch closed the distance, slamming his hands on the table with a BANG! Fuck shit- they'd done it again! They finally went too far and run their stupid fucking mouth again and now the one person they- 

"BECAUSE I LOVE YOU, YOU STUPID FUCKING ASSHOLE!"

Time froze. The admission hung heavy in the air as the pair processed what just happened. Butch seemed to realize his position and instantly backed away from the table. He tried to make himself look small, hunching over himself. Bug didn't notice. 

Every muscle in their body was tensed, screaming out to bolt. They needed to run, needed to hide away, and be anywhere but here. Their limbs refused to move. When did they start hyperventilating?

When Butch next spoke, it was quiet and full of regret. "Bug I-" but the sound broke Bug out of their frozen state. Faster than their healing body should allow, they were gone, slamming the heavy metal door behind them. The fluorescent lights buzzed and flickered, then all at once burnt out into dark silence.

[randomfanner]

I got tagged by @nyda-the-tav

TavTash Tag Game

@bearhugsandshrugs post about the very small TavTash community inspired me to make this: I want to learn more about you and your Tavs!

Tell us a bit about your Tav!  Anya is a half elf, college of lore bard (though she wanted to be a wizard) who worked at the Golden Eye Tavern for several years under her 'father' Otus(who is actually a devil named Plutus in disguise, running the tavern to attract souls and debtors). She worked as a porter and server Here is a picture, she only has art because she is chubby and I don't have BG3 on PC and her look in game isn't CLOSE (Enver made her cloak)

What alignment is your Tav? How does that align or clash with Gortash? Do they agree with him morally? She is Neutral Good and they argue a l o t. Gortash thinks he can sway her from good at first though and he is proven very, very, very, wrong

What God does your Tav follow? Is Gortash's position as Bane's chosen an issue?  Anya was raised by Ace, a aasimar son of Zeus with so many daddy issues and general dislike for the gods, and that kind of rubbed off on her(this adventure is proving that more and more). BUT, she hopes that Selune will take her soul for you know, saving her kid, killing Ketheric a traitor and saving Shadowheart. So it doesn't really come up. Anya is vaguely curious for more info but the more she learns the more she thinks she is justified in not- Granted Gortash being the chosen of Bane causes a lot of troubles for HIM and having feelings.

What did your Tav think of Gortash when they first met? Did they take his offer of an alliance?  Depends on what instance they first meet, because when they were children Anya was quite excited to bother him when he was working on inventions, and bringing him food. When they are adults she isn't exactly the most trusting of him, but does accept an altered version of the alliance, she will get the nether stone from Orin and then, after they know the Netherbrain won't be an issue, they can kill each other.

How did Gortash and your Tav get together? What do they see in each other?  Gortash was lonely, he would never call it that but he really, really missed my Durge: Calax. He figured that he just needed to make a new alliance with someone who had recently proven themselves of being capable. Perhaps needed to be... persuaded to see the right way of things, he knew she was still quite naive to the world, but perhaps was opening her eyes. So he made a deal with Anya that he would give her one thing of her choosing(to which she asked him to make Karlach a new heart) in exchange for her keeping him company. Eventually, after learning Enver was her childhood friend(because he did not look the same age as her, even if he is a human), she figured she would give a shot of actually being his friend. She also had to admire his intelligence, inventions and earnestly enjoyed his company. For Gortash, meanwhile, he cannot figure out WHY he likes her at all, and it is because she cares about him and can read him. Which he does hate sooooo much.

What does the future hold for your Tav and Gortash? Are they in a relationship, a one time thing, are they going to rule the sword coast together or kill each other in a tragic showdown? ... Ok so realistically, kill each other in a tragic showdown but the Author is a slut for happy endings even when they aren't deserved. So Gortash accidentally kills Anya before the fight, has to deal with a boat load of emotions... only to realize Anya was brought back from the dead later. And that is when he realizes that he isn't going to be able to go through with killing her intentionally- which he fucking hates for every single reason he would hate that... so he reluctantly steps down, Anya wins a bet to get Bane to let Enver free, and he gets sentenced to be the city's maintenance guy until he dies. Which he isn't happy about, vocally so- but he does eventually come to find some satstifcation in it. They also end up having three kids, Callie, Dante(Adopted) and Prometheus.

@bg3-stole-my-soul now you have to talk about Kieran

[iocainesmoothie]

Been playing ffxiv, paid to skip HW but really enjoyed stormblood, saw emet-selch for the first time.

I'm very impressed that his first introduction to the player was to be shot and rag dolled down the stairs, it immediately differentiates him from the other ascians who just say ominous and vague nonsense that never amounts to anything. It was almost more sinister, because it really illustrates the point that the ascians are noncorporeal horrors piloting a meat puppet.

Also very minor detail but I noticed even back in stormblood, instead of writing a boring talk quest as "go talk to so-and-so", instead they say "go meet SOMEONE at such-and-such place". Like it's so very minor, but instead of straight up telling me who you're going to meet they just sorta hint and say how excited that person is to see you again.

Mechanically it's the exact same boring quest format, and maybe I don't otherwise even care about that character, but even that tiny bit of speculating who it is and the implication that they have any kind of emotional response AT ALL is already elevating the writing.

I get the majority of quest text boils down to telling the player to go to X or talk to Y or collect Z and there's only so many ways to do that, and clarity of communication is always top priority, but in something long format like an mmo where the player has likely plugged in a hundred hours already you can kinda assume they've been trained to expect a certain order of events and can play with the format a bit.

Also the last duty of sb was one of those "everyone shows up at the big battle as npcs and cheers at you to go on to the big boss while they hold back reinforcements" fights and it's very anime but honestly it always works on me.

Been leveling up dark knight, but I bought the level 80 warrior boost because I hate playing with other people and I wanted to solo a bunch of the main scenario raids instead of queueing. Also I'm playing dark knight because aesthetics, and tanking for a group is too much responsibility for me.

Honestly dk kinda sucks compared to paladin and warrior, way less mitigation and self healing, and though it feels like I'm doing more damage it's still not as much as a pure dps.

Also bought a bunch of clothes on the shop in a moment of weakness, but now my outfit is so cool I don't want to change into anything else! And I kinda miss wearing vanilla gear and seeing your outfit change as you pick up upgrades. Oh well atleast I'm cute and it avoids those awkward moments when a piece from a new set doesn't fit with your current fit.

Ffxiv clothing designs are so gorgeous, even the shitty low-level vanilla garbage is kinda cute. Ppl who buy store stuff obviously look good but I have way more respect for the glamours I see where people just got really creative with in-game items. The graphics are like 10 years out of date but the hair and clothes and faces are still miles better than some of biowares stuff (guys I love you I'm on your side let's figure this out you can't just make everyone bald)

Also I've noticed the cuts scene cameras do a trick anime does a lot to cut down animation costs, the framing and panning and angles do a LOT of the work when they otherwise can't get these limited models to emote that much. Or else they just fully cut away and let a sound effect imply an action took place and your brain just fills in the difference.

Anyway I'm addicted and am probably wasting a lot of time on things I should be doing instead but it's nice to have something to hyper fixate on for a while, and I haven't even started SB or EW and I've heard they're both life changing so maybe I'll just glut myself until I've wrung all the dopamine I can out of it.

Also I've realized there is such a jump in writing quality in SB that I'm only really emotionally attached to lyse and hien and the general, the rest of the scions are all kind of... idk unlikable?? They're all the same kind of snarky but not really funny, and speak intelligently but not really with any character or having much to say. Allisae being maybe the exception but I feel like she doesn't get much screen time compared to her brother.

It was very touching that she's the tough prickly one, but very honestly tells you she feels alone and sadly asks you not to leave her in a moment of vulnerability before the fight where she reaches for your hand desperately before her soul is teleported away. Like damn yeah this is manipulative but you got me! I'm invested now!

Also that little crystal cat boy was in arr and I never finished/paid attention to his quest line so idk how he ended up i SB, guess I'll find out.

[litcityblues]

'Ashes of Victory' --A Review

The ninth novel in the Honorverse series serves as a conclusion to a three-book arc in the series that begins with In Enemy Hands, continues with Echoes of Honor, and concludes here. Honor Harrington is alive, and well and has returned home with half a million prisoners from the Havenite Prison Planet known as Hell.

Ashes of Victory is the story of her triumphant return home. I would say the first third of the book or so is centered around just Honor coming to grips with having been declared/believed to be dead. She has an emotional reunion with her parents (her mother had given birth to twins, which satisfied the requirement Grayson had for an heir to her Steading) and her cousin Devon has inherited her Manticoran title (Honor is amused by this, as she can imagine his horror at the news-- while we don't meet him, he's described as a bookish/Professorial type who would very much not interested in things like a title.) She also has to face the facts: the extent of her injuries is going to keep her from active naval duty for at least a couple of years since she'll need reconstructive surgery.

There's a heart-wrenching moment for Nimitz as well-- as the extent of his injuries becomes clear and the humans realize he has lost his ability to communicate with his fellow Treecats, though his bond with Honor remains intact and as strong as ever. It's unclear if he recovers some ability to communicate with his fellow Treecats, but what Honor does is manage to help prove that Treecats are as intelligent as humans and full communication starts to become possible thanks to sign language systems.

Honor gets her battlefield promotion confirmed (and becomes Admiral) and, since she's out of the fighting for a bit, starts teaching at the Saganami Island Naval Academy to shape the minds of future generations of naval officers-- not just from Manticore, but from Grayson as well.

Hey, remember Steadholder Mueller? He was sort of kind of involved in a plot to overthrow Protector Benjamin that got somebody else beheaded and he frantically threw everyone he possibly could under the bus to avoid being implicated himself? (Flag In Exile, fifth book of the series.) Well, he's back and he's been biding his time and martialling his power and he's emerged as the leader of the Opposition on Grayson. He doesn't know it, but he's also under investigation but before that can come to fruition, his conspirators are revealed to be agents of Masada. There is unease on Grayson- especially when rumors start flying that annexation into the Star Kingdom is being discussed. (It's not precisely that: the famously independent San Martin has joined, but it's... kind of a commonwealth situation? They maintain their autonomy but also have representation of some kind in Manticore's Parliament?) Poor Mueller is in over his head and doesn't realize until it's too late.

Meanwhile, on Haven, things are going great, and by great I mean that Rob Pierre is dead. Admiral McQueen tries to launch a coup. Oscar Saint-Just detonates a hidden nuke underneath the Octagon and decimates McQueen, her forces, and a hefty amount of the military leadership to boot. Admiral Theisman is recalled to take charge of the Capital Fleet. Admirals Tourville and Giscard are believed to be next on the list of Admirals to go (i.e. be shot) and the military situation collapses on them. They are on the verge of utter defeat thanks to Manticore's new offensive and technologies to boot.

But, a surprise assassination attempt on the combined leadership of Manticore and Grayson fails- but kills Manticore's Prime Minister which leads to a change of government. The opposition comes in and demands a halt to the fighting, believing Haven to be defeated. Queen Elizabeth is fucking pissed about it but has no choice. A ceasefire follows along with negotiations and Admiral Theisman launches a coup of his own, killing Oscar Saint-Just.

Y'all...

I am not sure how to feel about this book. The first third to half of it is just about perfect. Pays off so many plot lines laid down in the previous two books of this arc. There are great character moments as Honor returns home and is reunited with friends and family and faces up to the cost of her injuries and time on Planet Hell. (The weird awkward romance between her and White Haven is touched upon, but we don't get back around to that-- I'm thinking we will at some point though.)

But the ending to this one leaves a bad taste in my mouth. It's... awkward. To his credit, Weber acknowledges that he had to make a mild retcon in an afterword. Basically, eagle-eyed readers noted that in an earlier book, the Prime Minister of Manticore must command a majority in the Commons. Weber tweaked that here to make it the House of Lords. That change is small, but significant and explains how the Opposition was able to force a change in government-- and, it turns out that Monarchs of Manticore are required to marry a commoner. I am assuming that this will be paid off in future volumes... somehow. But a political short-circuit on Manticore's part also covers up for the fact that Haven is a hot mess.

How can any polity survive such instability? It's all coups and counter-coups and counter-counter-coups and nukes going off and just randomly killed a million people or so. I don't see how you can have that instability without some kind of popular unrest breaking out.

I mean, on the one hand, I get it: the Honorverse train keeps on rolling. But on the other hand: this is kind of a wet fart noise of an ending to a really excellent three-book arc to this series. (Also, there's a lot of really technical exposition in this one-- maybe more than in previous novels, I don't know. And yes, it's military sci-fi, so what did I expect, but it slows this book down in parts in ways I did not like.)

Overall: Starts strong, but the ending is not particularly satisfying-- however, these three book-arc have sold me on keeping on keeping on when it comes to the Honorverse, so I guess we'll see what's next. My Grade: *** out of ****

[mbti-notes]

Anon wrote: Hi, I am INTJ female and I have issue opening up to people. I can open up to very few people easily and I have lasting bond with them. But it is very difficult for me to open up to others. I am trying to improve on my social skills.

Issue is, people from office or many social situations expect me to open up, not sure why this default expectation. Maybe because I am female, not sure. If I don't socialize much, they do take it in negative sense and somehow label me as dark, attitude issue etc when I am no such thing.

I need to worry about this as this people are from my office and though there are people who know me and support me, I do not want to create ill relation with anyone in office just because of misunderstanding. I am not socially bubbly. But I am not arrogant too. Its just that I have calm, sometimes detached demeanor which I can not help much. I do not get panic easily nor I get excited easily.

Question is, should I really need to see this as issue and solve this, at least fake things for sake of it or push people to accept me as it is. Is it normal or do I have any issue like social anxiety?

------------------------

Yes, societal expectations can be sexist. Women are generally expected to bear more emotional labor and they are socialized to be more people pleasing. These gender expectations often operate implicitly in professional environments. And failing to live up to expectations can unfairly slow down your career advancement. How to deal with sexist expectations? Communication. Disarm people's implicit biases by bringing them out into the open, talking about them, and helping people understand your perspective.

Male or female, not everyone is a "bubbly" person. Everyone should be given enough freedom to be themselves within reason, even in the workplace. However, you have to choose the right methods of achieving that freedom. You need to speak up for yourself, make your strengths and weaknesses known, and teach people how to approach you in the way that you prefer. And you have to explain to them what your actions mean so that they don't get the wrong impression or misunderstand your intentions. Yes, it is a bit unfortunate that introverts are harder to read and generally have to do more to make themselves understood. But these difficult conversations are worth the effort if they result in more freedom to be yourself.

It seems that lack of communication is where things are breaking down for you. Perhaps you should read up on emotional intelligence and communication skills, see the resources page for recommendations. Something becomes a psychological "issue" or "problem" when it holds you back in life and interferes with personal growth. Look at the bigger picture: reflect on what you really want in life and how your wants influence the goals you set for yourself.

For example: Do you WANT to open up but can't? Do you WANT to have better relationships with your colleagues but can't? Do you WANT people to have a more favorable impression of you but you can't achieve it? If you answer "yes" to the above, then you've got an issue, obstacle, challenge, or problem to overcome for the sake of personal growth.

But if you don't actually want those things, because they are not important to you at all, then live your life the way you want. Nobody gets to dictate your wants except you. Keep in mind, though, that people are self-deceptive. When they aren't able to get what they want, they can convince themselves that they don't want it, rather than putting themselves through the hard work required to get it. If you're lying to yourself, it's a defense mechanism, which is a problem.

Being narrow/closed/small-minded is a psychological hindrance and it's a common developmental issue for Introverted Thinkers. It prevents you from broadening your horizons and realizing your greater potential. How much do you care about realizing your potential? With Ni, INTJs should care a lot about it. Healthy Ni+Te should care a lot about being held back by something that is well within one's ability to control and change. How can you fully own yourself and come to know your true power when you're cowering from a self-inflicted problem?

Social anxiety is frequent and persistent fear about socializing poorly, including things such as: getting negative attention; embarrassing yourself in social situations; getting mistreated, rejected, or ostracized; losing the respect or love of people you care about; being judged and dismissed as flawed or inadequate; etc. I don't believe you meet the criteria for social anxiety.

However, being too closed-off to the social world can be indicative of a different sort of fear, usually fear of vulnerability. People fear vulnerability for a variety of reasons, oftentimes it is related to control issues in TJs. It sounds like you need to reflect on why you fear vulnerability and get to the root of it.

Nobody's saying that you have to reveal everything about yourself to everyone. Personal and professional should be kept relatively separate. But if you aren't even able to: speak up for yourself as necessary; express your feelings and emotions when appropriate; let people know about your needs and wants when appropriate; make reasonable requests of people to empathize with you; help people understand you better; etc, then you don't even possess basic social skills and you ought to make some improvements on that front. It's not about "being fake". It's about learning how to express yourself in a way that properly balances the needs of self and others.

[pippin-katz]

I don’t think the reaction to Miguel’s comment was entirely discomfort, and rather somewhat embarrassed/bashful. In the second half of his reaction, you can see him trying not to smile as he tries to think of a response.

I wrote a whole-ass essay about Alex and his bisexuality with an entire section on Miguel if anyone is interested who hasn’t read it.

As much of a piece of shit Miguel ends up turning out to be, prior to sandbagging Ellen’s campaign, he and Alex are friendly; they’re more than acquaintances but not quite friends. I also think that Miguel’s flirting is partially genuine. He’s for sure trying to get close to Alex for info, but he’s definitely attracted to Alex (who isn’t?) outside of the politics.

And to be fair, Alex’s hesitance prior to their fallout was rooted in the fact that he was a journalist, not because he said he didn’t like him.

It’s also worth noting that he genuinely doesn’t realize there was something wrong with his article on Texas. He’s pretty dimwitted for not thinking it through further, but he didn’t actually intend it to be malicious. He’s near-sighted when it comes to politics because he’s a journalist whose entire job is to stay on top of what’s happening “NOW!”. It’s later when he leaks the emails that he’s being intentionally harmful.

To clarify, Miguel is still an asshole, and everyone is perfectly within their right to hate him, but it does bother me a little when people go super overboard on him prior to the Texas article and the leaks.

I guess, it makes me feel defensive of Alex, actually.

Somehow my emotions associate the heavy bashing of Miguel (again, pre-fallout) with indirectly insulting Alex.

Like, Alex is not stupid. If Miguel was being completely fake, he would notice. If he was truly uncomfortable with his advances, he would shut him down. This is a man who regularly picks fights with the fucking Prince of England. He is not afraid to stand up to someone when they piss him off, as Miguel later experiences for himself. Alex is in fucking law school for a reason. He is argumentative and intelligent. He writes a fourteen-page memoir that impresses and convinces the fucking president to try and flip Texas. Hell, when Miguel tries to talk to him about politics at the party, he deflects him super easily until Henry shows up, and even then he just mumbles a single sentence, that Miguel is only able to use because he has access to confidential documents.

So, when people act like Miguel was the devil incarnate before they fallout, my brain goes: “Do you think Alex is stupid enough to fall for it/let Miguel get away with it for so long? Do you actually think Alex would allow himself to be manipulated so obviously?”

No disrespect towards anyone intended!! I just thought I’d share my thoughts! I have been trying to work out why I felt frustrated, and I finally figured it out!

ADDED SECTION

I'm adding this on here because the more I think about Alex being "uncomfortable" with Miguel, the more confused/frustrated I get. You can tell by the look on his face in the rest of the conversation that, to quote Nora, "not NOT into him".

Why do you think there's so many GIF sets from this conversation that don't include the actual dialogue or shots of Miguel?

BECAUSE HE LOOKS FUCKING HOT OKAY??? HE'S GRINNING AND LAUGHING AND LOOKS SUPER FUCKING FLIRTY!!

And this look alone tipped people off that Alex may have had/have a "thing" with him, before Miguel implies it directly, before Alex confirms later:

And to clarify AGAIN, Alex isn't sure about hooking up with him again because he's a journalist. And to clarify AGAIN, Alex only gets nervous when Miguel starts talking about it.

This actually a trait of Alex in general, in both versions, though easier to see through the book. He internalizes a LOT. I didn't mean for this to be so long and in depth, but here's a couple lines from the book that indicate/show that genuine communication is a bit difficult for him:

"And I know we're, uh, not really friends, and we don't really talk about this stuff. . ." - page 91"We don't really..." Alex coughs. "I don't know. Talk like that?" - page 180 . . . and not just continuing this thing where they fly across the world to touch each other and don't talk about it. - page 220"I honestly don't know if I'm good enough or smart enough to ever be either of my parents. But I could be that." He drops his head down. He's never said the last part out loud to anyone before. - page 229

So, of course he's going to get closed off once he's forced to talk about it face-to-face with another person. It's easier to just go with the flow if he's having fun.

He does the same thing when Henry says they need to stay casual. He could have told him that he wanted more much earlier in their relationship, but that's terrifying, and he's basically been rejected in advance. It's the other way around in the book where Alex simplifies it:

"Hey," he says. He pokes Henry in the arm. "Don't freak out." "I'm not freaking out," he says, enunciating the words. Alex wriggles an inch closer in the sheets. "It was fun," Alex says. "I had fun. You had fun, right?""Definitely," he says, in a tone that sends a lazy park up Alex's spine. "Okay, cool. So, we can do this again, anytime you want," Alex says, dragging the back of his knuckles down Henry's shoulder. "And you know this doesn't, like, change anything between us, right? We're still... whatever we were before, just, you know. With blowjobs." - page 144

Alex basically tells Henry to just have fun and not to think/worry about it. And that's what Alex himself does. Weird feelings in his chest? Henry being the only thing on his mind? Imagining him in domestic settings? What does that all mean? NOPE. He's out; thanks for stopping by, but he's leaving this train station of thought.

ANYWAY

This turned into a way longer ramble than I had intended it to be, but thanks for reading if you got this far!

Thanks for reading!! If you enjoyed this essay & would like to support me, you can give me a tip on my Ko-Fi! ☺️

avoiding eye-contact (uncomfortable) avoiding eye-contact (affectionate)

[astrojulia]

Disclaimer: These general free readings are made in good faith for entertainment purpose.

warnings: none

Hello Marble, how are you?

Take the pic that recovers a moment of your life, to do that follow this:

How to choose a pile:

When you have different cards to choose from in pile 1,2,3… look at each of those cards. Wait until someone reminds you of a memory. Perhaps a character’s outfit resembles one of your own. It is this pile that has its message. What if they all remind me of something? Go for the one with the strongest memory, one might look like her earring but another might be the favorite candy you got from your grandma when you vacationed at her house. But what if none reminds me of something? Take a deep breath and wait a little longer, without charging yourself or creating worries. Relax, some will awaken some memory in you, I promise!

Feedbacks will be really appreciated

Pile 1 - Book

You move very fast, almost like a hare, not to cling to anything and run away from people. You are a very intelligent person, a social butterfly not because you like to talk to people, but because you are terrified of attachment. You want to be loved and understood, but it seems like other people never understand you, others can't understand how deep you are and that's why you don't even try to create a connection, a commitment, that's why you run away when you realize things are going too deep, because as soon as feelings start to arise in you, you see that you are starting to be vulnerable with people and even though you want so much to open up, the fear of being vulnerable with someone is much greater and you run away.

You are a very open person at first, you hope that things will work out and that now this is a real friendship, until the first big challenge comes, talking a little more about yourself, lending money, a trip to the hospital , for you it seems that it is a sign of the universe saying that this relationship is not for you, but in fact it is a challenge that you have to go through to go deeper into it, you want to have friends, lovers, but you are afraid of being dependent on them and not having your individuality respected, so before those feelings grow, you leave in search of a person you think is best for you.

You need to elevate your conscious self. Your heart is your power center and channel of communication with your higher consciousness, trust it to chart your life, don't keep thinking it's always a sign to walk away but one to make deeper connections. Your inner master will guide you to your own higher path. Be dedicated to yourself and your emotional growth, then be dedicated to others because you can't want to be loved unconditionally if you can't do it with others. Your mantra: “I am guided by the strength that lives in me”.

Pile 2 - Frog

You are a person very attached to the past, for you it was better before, your childhood was the best time of your life, you want to live in the past again, you hope that things go back to the way they were before. Knowing it can't. You are not like before, the world is not like before. You wait for something to come back, for someone or something to come back to you and give you the opportunity to wake up from this life you are in today, for you everything seems like a bad dream and that soon you will wake up to a better life, but it is not.. You've never had so much power in your hand, you've never had so many experiences to make your life work, give value to who the child you miss raised. You have a lot of sadness that hinders your growth, demons that hurt you in your present, you give a lot of value to who you were, as if that version is stronger than your current version, stronger than the version that survived it all. You need to understand what your real need is with this attachment, were you more free? Could you eat your favorite dish all the time? Do you get more hugs and affection? What makes you want to go back so badly?

You need silence, silence the mind to realize the soul's desire. Living a life of purpose is critical to growth. Silence yourself and listen to your inner self. Serving others, serving your parents, children, bosses and employees must come after serving you and your needs. Your manta is: “I hear the voices of my silence”.

Pile 3 - Old Lady

You live in a world of creation, you create, create… and it never ends. You like the new, the explosion of creativity, but you are the first to kill it, because you don't think it's good enough, because you think it won't succeed, because you think it's just a waste of time. You have a very strong creative capacity, a feminine creativity that brings things from within, that talks to the soul and emotions, you want to express your spirit and you have already learned how to do that, you know how to transform your soul into art, into lessons, you know how to communicate with writing, painting, music, dancing... But you always think you are a failure, you fight when you don't do it the way you should,” I wish I had done better”. You also don't accept criticism from others, because your internal fight is already so big that accepting what others have to criticize is a knife in your heart, so you also can't see if what you're doing is good for everyone too. You don't let the world see your creation and you destroy everything, to start all over again...

You need to collect, and for that it takes time, you plant, care and harvest. It's time to receive the answers, reap the fruits of all the learning over time. When a cycle ends you will receive the reward and a new cycle will come, but if you kill everything while you are still a sapling, this cycle will never end, trust yourself, make changes midway if necessary, but don't change the essence, don't try to start from scratch all over again. Your mantra is: "I receive the abundance of the Universe and I give it my gratitude".

[aphrostarot]

The Chariot Pick a Pile

How can you know if this pick a pile is for you?

If you know what your goals are but don't understand how to reach them.

If you need help creating a path from where you are to where you want to be.

Please remember that this is a general reading and some things may not apply to you. Don't force it to fit. I offer paid readings on my page if you would like a personal reading. Prices are listed there. Please message me if you are interested!

Pile One (Amethyst):

Charioteer:

What is the current state of your journey?

The Wheel of Fortune:

In your journey so far, you have experienced many ups and downs. Currently, it appears you are at a low point. You have been struggling lately, and you feel like you will never reach the end of the road.

Two of Swords:

The Two of Swords confirms to me that you have been struggling lately. Nothing seems to be coming your way anymore. As of recently, you are at a standstill on this journey, after previously moving extremely fast. Nothing is coming and nothing is going, making you feel as though you will never reach your destination.

Dark Horse:

What is distracting you?

The Chariot:

The idea that you need to constantly be moving forward without any breaks on this journey is distracting you, according to your guides. As your guides tell you, this mindset is keeping you in the stalemate you are currently experiencing. Breaks are necessary from time to time, and after the run you have been on, it is a good idea to take a break.

Ten of Cups:

There is a part of you that thinks this journey will lead to your fairytale ending, but your guides are telling you here that the destination may not be everything you expected. Whether it's a different person or a different job, your guides are telling you with this card what they have in store for you is in your best interest, so you need to release your control issues and trust them.

Light Horse:

What leads you to your desired goal?

The Tower:

Your guides will help you reach your desired goal if you lose your mindset from above. You must let go of the idea that you know exactly where things are going, since not everything you are desiring is in your best interest according to your guides. Additionally, you need to let go of your impatience and the notion that you must not take breaks, that this destination must be reached as quickly as possible.

Page of Swords:

You have been led towards your destination by your cleverness and intelligence, according to your guides. They are saying that you can remain sharp no matter what the Universe throws at you. They want you to use this part of you to further yourself on this journey from now on.

Channeled compliments from your guides on what is helping you in this journey:

“You are so trustworthy! Anyone knows they can count on you.”

“You are so smart and witty, always knowing what to say.”

Next Step:

What is the next thing you should work on?

Knight of Pentacles:

The next step on your journey is to develop patience, according to your guides. Since you have started your journey, you have been fairly impatient and anxious for things to come your way as soon as possible. This mindset only hinders your progress, as it was mentioned above. The key to escaping your current impasse is patience.

Obstacle:

What challenges will you face on this journey?

Three of Cups:

Your inability to slow down has prevented you from celebrating how far you have come on your journey. As your guides point out, if you don't celebrate yourself, you are not truly experiencing this journey.

Destination:

What will your destination look like?

Three of Wands:

At the end of this journey, you will have a large community around you. You may soon take up a hobby that allows you to work in a team. You will be very successful in this hobby and feel very happy with the people in your life. In this group, you'll be very social. You'll constantly go out and do things with them.

Page of Cups:

The end of this journey will bring you a highly sensitive person. They might be younger than you or just a young soul. This person will become an extremely important part of your life, allowing you to express yourself more sensitively without fear of judgment.

Channeled Messages:

“Move beyond ancestral patterns”

“Magic exists in the form of energy. What is your energy creating today? How does it make you feel?”

Pile Two (Amazonite):

Charioteer:

What is the current state of your journey?

The Fool:

You may be in the beginning stages of your journey. You have just found something that you are willing to put a lot of effort into. Having a strong passion for this journey, you are eager to dive in headfirst, without looking back.

Ace of Pentacles:

By embarking on this journey, you are laying the foundation in your life. As a result, you will start to feel comfortable in every aspect of your life. I feel that you are embarking on a new hobby or career, something that will earn you money. The income has not started to flow yet, but you're just beginning your journey. You hope that more money will be forthcoming soon.

Dark Horse:

What is distracting you?

Eight of Pentacles:

You are very sure of where you want to go in life and how you want this journey to play out. Making you unwilling to accept anything that is even remotely different from what you desire. This mindset is preventing you from making progress on your journey, according to your guides. In order to make progress, you must recognize that not everything you desire is good for you.

Six of Wands:

When it comes to your career or hobbies, you may think you're more talented than others. Your guides are warning you that your arrogance is only hindering your progress on this journey.

Light Horse:

What leads you to your desired goal?

Knight of Wands:

You have great enthusiasm when it comes to things that you are passionate about, and you are very passionate about this journey. Your guides are saying that your ability to move quickly and successfully through all that life offers you is what will bring this outcome to you much quicker.

Page of Wands:

Your guides say you are very friendly and full of amazing ideas, both of which are helping you on this journey. They encourage you to keep your friendly side because it will benefit you in the long run.

Channeled compliments from your guides on what is helping you in this journey:

“You are so magnetic and attractive! Everyone is turning heads after you!

“You are fierce like a lion! Everybody knows not to mess with you!”

“You have such great intuition, detecting the unseen truths.”

“You are so cute and bubbly, you make others feel like home.”

Next Step:

What is the next thing you should work on?

Seven of Pentacles:

When it comes to this journey, you have been pushing forward, channeling fool's energy for some time now and that has served you well for the time being. However, your guides are telling you that the next steps are for you to begin to plan how you want to execute this journey instead of leaping headfirst into everything.

Obstacle:

What challenges will you face on this journey?

Eight of Cups:

In most of your life, you have been too quick to give up at the first sign of difficulty. Throughout this journey, you will struggle with this. The world doesn't always work out how we planned, and that's a bummer, but we are meant to get back up and keep going, utilizing what we learned from the past. It is their desire that you do this instead of giving up when things get tough.

Destination:

What will your destination look like?

The Artist:

You may be an extremely creative person and this journey's outcome will allow you to use your creativity almost continuously. You are working towards a career and/or hobby that is highly creative and your guides are saying that once you get there it will allow you to utilize all of your creativity.

The Hierophant:

This is oddly specific but for some, I feel like you are working towards becoming a party planner of some sort, particularly at weddings. This is a sign that you will get there and be excellent at using your creativity when it comes to weddings.

For others, this may be a sign that the outcome of this journey may result in you getting married to either your current partner or someone else.

Channeled Messages:

“Unlock the magick within”

“You are our answered prayer.”

Pile Three (Sodalite):

Charioteer:

What is the current state of your journey?

Four of Pentacles:

Currently, you are feeling very possessive over certain things in your life. It feels to me like you think people in your life constantly take from you without giving any thought to the pain it causes you. You have a history of being very generous, but you are now becoming tired of making others happy all the time.

King of Cups:

Your emotions are what you are feeling pretty possessive about. You have been a doormat in the past, allowing others to walk all over you and take from you. Especially when it comes to your emotions and energy. But now you've realized it and you are no longer allowing others to take from you.

Dark Horse:

What is distracting you?

Eight of Pentacles:

You are pretty set in stone about how you want to embark on this journey. You believe your way is the only way, and you do not take advice from anyone, including your guides. It seems to me that you hear what your guides say, but if it interferes with your plans you ignore the message saying to yourself, "That wasn't meant for me." or, "they're wrong.". According to your guides, the way you think is holding you back from moving forward.

Seven of Wands:

With the people in your life, you have reached a boiling point. You've allowed them to walk all over you for too long and now you're fighting back. Your guides are telling you that being extremely negative to your family and friends will not help you on this journey. Yes, you should set boundaries, but you do not have to continue to punish them for what you have allowed in the past. The treatment you received in the past is partly your fault, and you need to take responsibility for it. Give the people in your life a chance to follow your boundaries. Stop punishing them.

Light Horse:

What leads you to your desired goal?

Queen of Cups:

Despite the negative points listed above, you are still a very loyal person. You do not give up on the people in your life, continuing to stick by them even though they have hurt you in the past. This is an aspect that has been helpful to you and will continue to be helpful to you on this journey.

Channeled compliments from your guides on what is helping you in this journey:

“Yes, you are different. But that’s what makes you special!”

“Your eyes are beautiful. You can see the universe in them.”

Next Step:

What is the next thing you should work on?

Five of Swords:

Perhaps you recently lost out to one of your competitors. If that's the case, then your guides are telling you that your next step is to get back on your feet and start fresh. Taking the loss in stride. If that has not yet happened to you, this card indicates that it will soon. The next step for you is to prepare for the loss you will soon be suffering and not let it completely defeat you.

Obstacle:

What challenges will you face on this journey?

Two of Cups:

An obstacle you have been facing on this journey is your willingness to stay in toxic relationships. In the past, people have not treated you right and stayed in those relationships because you feared making the other person upset. This has recently been changing for you, however.

Destination:

What will your destination look like?

The Hierophant:

With this journey, you will learn from your past mistakes and grow from the pain that you have endured, resulting in a better understanding of what a good relationship is. This will result in you marrying someone good for you and to you.

Ten of Cups:

A fairytale ending awaits you at the end of this journey. At the end of this journey, all the things you wanted as a child but as you grew thought were unreasonable will be available to you.

Channeled Messages:

“Meditate more, ground yourself.”

“Times of heightened emotions and sensitivity call for extra self-care and gentleness.”

Pile Four (Rose Quartz):

Charioteer:

What is the current state of your journey?

Page of Pentacles:

Lately, you have been pretty sensitive. Feeling more in touch with your emotions, which may have been neglected for some time now. You have been getting more comfortable showing and expressing your emotions with the people around you.

The Hierophant:

Additionally, you have been more traditional in your life, adhering to the expectations of society rather than going against them. While you may have spent most of your life rebelling against what others want from you, you have recently begun to accept what others want from you.

Dark Horse:

What is distracting you?

Eight of Cups:

Your recent behavior of adhering to the expectations of others has made you feel guilty. You feel as if you are leaving the people you met on the way behind, and you feel as if they are disappointed in you. Your guides are telling you that this guilt is preventing you from excelling on your journey. There are times when you have to leave people and things behind in order to excel yourself, and feeling guilty won't help you do so.

Nine of Wands:

You feel as if this journey has been going on forever, with no stop in sight. You feel as if you are being faced with obstacle after obstacle, and things are never going your way. This mindset is hindering you, your guides are saying. You must remember that not every journey is linear. There will be bumps in the road, but that doesn't mean that you will never reach your goal.

Light Horse:

What leads you to your desired goal?

The Fool:

In a way, you embody the Fool's passion, which is to dive headfirst into their passions and not think twice before jumping. You're always starting new projects and have a never-ending passion for new beginnings. This is what has been leading you towards your desired goal.

Ace of Swords:

You have very strong emotions especially when it comes to love and hate. When you love something or hate something, it encompasses your whole being. It is the love you have for your passions that helps you along this journey.

Channeled compliments from your guides on what is helping you in this journey:

“You are hilarious and have an amazing sense of humor!”

“You are such an inspiration! Everything you do is magical.”

“You are so trustworthy! Anyone knows they can count on you.”

Next Step:

What is the next thing you should work on?

Queen of Cups:

The next step in your journey is to strengthen your loyalty. As you go through life, you constantly change your mind about things and move on to new adventures. You get bored very easily. This pile is giving me strong Gemini energy. Because of your constant boredom, you struggle in the loyalty department, and your guides recommend you tackle this next. Whenever you become bored with one of your passions, try finding new things in that passion to keep yourself engaged.

Obstacle:

What challenges will you face on this journey?

Three of Cups:

In your journey, you tend to ignore red flags, thinking that they are only there to add flavor. You may also be afraid to rock the boat, which leads you to ignore warning signs. According to your guides, this mindset has hindered your progress.

Six of Cups:

It's not uncommon for toxic people from your past to try and get back in touch with you. When these people come back into your life, your guides are telling you not to accept them. They are not meant to be in your life. I am also getting strong Pisces and Cancer energy.

Destination:

What will your destination look like?

Ace of Cups:

If you are currently single, your guides are telling you that you will find new love at the end of this journey. If you are not single, this may be a sign that in the future you will be pregnant. In the event that this is not possible, then this new baby could be from a friend or family member. It is likely you will be extremely close to this baby, thinking of them as your own.

Four of Wands:

You will end up purchasing a new home with this person. Your new home will allow the two of you to live happily and healthily together. Your dream of a happy family life awaits you when you reach the end of this journey.

Channeled Messages:

“Get out of your own way! It’s upsetting me and your ancestors.”

“Follow the voice of your soul.”

Though tips are not required, they are very much appreciated. Thank you!

Venmo: @ aphrostarot

Paypal: paypal/aphrostarot

[stars-self-ships]

As mentioned in my previous post, I've been playing quite a bit of Winds of Change lately, and from being about two hours into the main story thus far, I'm enjoying it just as much as I thought I would! With its wide cast, there are naturally several characters in the Winds of Change world that I haven't met yet… though the characters I have met and ventured alongside in my quest to Mazeo have all been nothing short of wonderful.

And since both characters are wildly obscure compared to my other F/Os and have next to no representation on tumblr, I'd like to introduce the self-ship community to two new F/Os of mine that have become incredibly special to me in the past few days...

💖 Valessa and Fortaime! 💖

Before we dive into talking about Valessa and Fortaime, I think it's necessary to provide readers with a general overview of Winds of Change's story so that certain plot points are fully contextualized before I begin gushing!

The game begins with a vision of your beloved hometown, Valinorth, in the midst of a heated onslaught. Fires run rampant, strange armored entities litter the townscape, and the screams that ring throughout town are unsettling to say the least. In spite of the horrors set before you, you can't make sense of what is happening around you, as though you are thrown into the situation at hand without any recollection of prior events… but why could that be?

Throughout the carnage, you sneak around with two companions you have supposedly known for quite some time: the protective and burly Ulric, and the intelligent although inquisitive Valessa. While the two of them have some context as to what is going on, it becomes apparent to them that you don't rather quickly, and a distressed Valessa takes notice.

She gently enlightens you that you play a significant role in the safety of Valinorth, and the world of Alestia as a whole— you are the sacred Seer, having been blessed with spirits which allow you to catch glimpses of visions of the future, as daunting as they may be. With this revelation, she also realizes that— because of how you've been acting— that the destruction you've found yourselves in is a mere vision you're having, and that Valinorth is still at peace… for now.

Valessa encourages you to use this devastating vision to warn Valinorth of its impending doom. With knowledge that an attack is on the way, there's a high chance that you as the Seer can stop it, no matter what it takes. And with a rather macabre conclusion to the vision, you wake up in the comforts of home, relieved that nothing you just witnessed was real after all… but action must be taken so that said events don't happen whatsoever.

With that out of the way... who exactly is Valessa?

Valessa is a caring and emotive fox who is the Scribe to the Seer, and her job is to collaborate with the Seer on visions they may have in interpreting and making sense of them. It's very evident that she has a close relationship with the Seer, and is often seen being supportive of them as well as uniting with them to get to the bottom of the disturbing vision the Seer caught a glimpse of.

Those who read the tags of my prior Winds of Change post might have read that all it took for me to give the game a go was one specific character in Winds of Change's promotional artwork, and surprise surprise, that character is indeed Valessa! It should come as no surprise that adorable furry girls like herself are my ultimate weakness, though it was when I began playing Winds of Change that my feelings for her began to really blossom.

Valessa, as a contrast to many of my F/Os, is notable for having a major speaking role in her source material, so every image you've seen in this post so far has corresponding voice acting to go along with it (Save for the inclusion of my name, which is usually dubbed over as 'Seer'). It's one thing to imagine an F/O saying something sweet to you, but actually getting to hear them say it is on another level COMPLETELY.

As you can probably imagine, I have several screencaps of cute and sweet things that Valessa has said throughout my time in Valinorth thus far, but the above screencap may just be my current favorite. Valessa speaks in a calm, soft voice— which already is perfect— but getting to hear her remind me to 'do my best to keep calm' made my heart flutter, and it's a reminder I've been keeping close to heart ever since I heard her say it.

Legitimately every second that Valessa is on-screen, I can't help but smile. Every emotion she has artwork for is nothing short of adorable (Her thinking artwork featured in the promo art was what sold me on the game. Just LOOK at her), and I'm sure it's more than obvious on how much I love supportive characters like her, so much like Zulius, Valessa was decided on being my newest romantic F/O on sight. ❤️🧡❤️

Now that we have some insight on Valessa's character, let's talk about Fortaime!

Fortaime is an adventurous and kindhearted rabbit that serves as the Protégé to the Scribe of the Seer, and works valiantly under Valessa in the hopes to fully understand what it means to be a Scribe should the need of him having to step up to the position come about. Where Valessa takes her studies seriously, Fortaime has been known to become easily distracted during their lessons, though he still has a good grasp on understanding how to interpret visions regardless.

When Winds of Change introduced Fortaime to me as the player's best friend, I at first knew that I was going to at least like him, but that quickly escalated into me actually seeing him as a best friend. His playful nature coupled with the fact that he is the first person to join your party earned him a spot on my list of platonic F/Os— and he is for certain one of my ultimate favorites.

Fortaime is never one to leave the player out of a conversation, and tells you time upon time again that you have his trust and that he'll stick with you on your adventure until he very end. He may be a smidge more infantile compared to Valessa, but there's something to appreciate about his bright outlook on everything and his unending love for his friends.

And how could you not appreciate Fortaime? LOOK at him!! He is absolutely adorable! I think my favorite artwork of him so far is when he's overjoyed, of which you can see in WoC's promo art— this man's smile is everything to me. Fortaime is everything to me. Valessa and Fortaime are everything to me. While I'm still early on into the story of Winds of Change, I couldn't be happier knowing that I'm sent on such a journey with these two wonderful people whom I cherish to no end. 💖💖💖

[risingmoonyue]

Batman/P5 Crossover

-Sometime before Akechi but after Futaba or Haru

-Damian is sent to Tokyo to check it out for whatever reason (maybe they had a fight, or he’s going stir crazy, or he’s just the only one they can send at the time and didn't bother with all that "you're not old enough" business)

-Dami is younger than Futaba by a year or three or four

-He is baby

-He is transferred to Shujin as a child prodigy where he also immediately joins the "outcast" community because of his attitude and intelligence

-Talia goes too, manages to cut off all his communications with the Batfam, and is planning to take him home in a month whether he likes it or not

-For whatever reason, Batfam doesn't realize this??? (Like, either she's faking reports or they're too busy (think fight or chaos in Gotham scenario maybe???))

-Anyways, obviously Dami doesn't want this

-Somehow the Phantom Thieves hear about the situation

-Maybe he was assigned to shadow Makoto for a while, and they managed to overhear a phone conversation either to Talia or Dami trying to get in touch with the Batfam and nothing really working

-And eventually they outright see him fighting with his mother with him at some point (either in person or over a phone call) mentioning that she already disowned him, he's happy with his Father's family, and that he will head her family business over his dead body—and oh would you look at that, you already managed that, care to try again Mother?

-The PT's are understandably alarmed

-And learn her name from Damian (from Makoto maybe or someone else he bonded a little with) (MORGANA) (THEY GAVE HIM MONA FOR A DAY AND NOW THEY KNOW EVERYTHING FROM HIS MANY PETS TO HIS LEAST TO MOST FAVORITE SIBLINGS STARTING FROM TIM TO DICK TO HIS FAVORITE FOODS TO EVERYONE IN HIS FAMILY’S NAMES TO HOW STUPID HE FINDS EVERYONE AND WHY THEY'RE STUPID TO HIS FAVORITE MUSIC TO WHY ANIMALS ARE SUPERIOR TO HUMANS AND MONA’S LIKE OMG TMI BUT LOVED IT THERE BECAUSE HE WAS PAMPERED LIKE NO TOMORROW GOT ONLY THE BEST FOOD AND THE BEST BEDS AND TOYS THAT HE GOT TO TAKE WITH HIM BACK TO LEBLANC AND NOW AKIRA AND SOJIRO ARE LIKE DUDE WHY AND MONA’S LIKE IM KEEPING HIM THIS HUMAN IS GOOD SORRY AKIRA YOU’RE DEMOTED)

-The palace is basically a fortress full of assasin ninjas and clones

-Dunno what her keywords are tho

-Or her what her palace actually is

-Help?????????

-Cognitive Bruce, Ra's, Damian, Dami clones, and Jason (maybe rest of batfam??? Idk)

-Long story short, the traps are so assassin-y that they need someone who knows the actual Talia because egads, this is the closest they have all come to actually dying

-And they didn't really want to do it and were just gonna power through

-But Dami manages to find out and get in and of course uses his background to help out whether they like it or not

(-he's slightly off put by Joker's name, but then decides to just solely call Gotham!Joker "The Clown")

-At some point they are captured by the Shadow Talia who is decked out in super fancy traditional Arab clothing and probably every conceivable hidden weapon known to man

-Talia says Damian won't and can't ever change from who he "is meant to be", referring to him as her Alexander and basically brutally addresses all of his insecurities concerning the batfam and people and society in general

-And all this is kinda killing him cause he still loves Talia despite the fact that she killed him and had a violent citywide custody battle with Batman but he also loves the batfam too even if he would absolutely never admit it (except to maybe Grayson)

-Joker does his emotional kick-start thing and/or Dami is like Makoto and just gets so mad he triggers it himself, but either way, lo and behold, Damian is now a persona user, usurping Futaba's place as the baby of the team

-The outfit is kinda inspired by his future adult league outfit with the top and bottom and gold jewelry, but has a raggedy cloak with dull gold edges, a Robin mask and gauntlets, and his main weapons are batarang-sword hybrids

---acknowledging his past and moving on with his present

-Persona: Aladdin, Tsun Zu, Ali Baba, somone else???? Need ideas plz help

-Probably the fastest member of the group

-His small body makes his hits not as strong, but hoo boy can that kid move around

-Hits a lot and dodges most

-Most of his Persona abilities are physical and have high crit and/or are status affects

-Downside is he has not a lot of SP (compared to the rest of the group)

-And he has pretty good HP

-Those good ol' “superior genetics” have to be good for something after all

-Anyways they escape to find the treasure another day

-And Dami is all smug because HA you definitely can't stop me now

-And the PTs are just resigned to keeping an eye on the extremely competent snotty assassin/vigilante child

-They do like him though so it's not too bad (comes with learning all his darkest secrets via his mother and thought processes that tends to accompany watching someone at their lowest get a persona)

(-They do manage to temper him a bit and help him adjust better to actual society too that's nice)

-As such, they also know about Batman and Robin and his whoooole family. Both sides.

-Damian decided not to tell batfam because he does agree with the whole "most adults suck" mentality that the Phantom Thieves have; despite his deep, deep respect for his father and mother and Grayson, they all do kinda suck

-And he’s rather not get pulled out as he surely would if he told them

(-On a side note, he likes Sojiro

-The man gives him coffee, curry, and leaves him mostly to his own devices

-Instant win)

-He is dubbed "Mockingbird" apon return to the metaverse because of his freaky talented vocal skills in mimicking anyone and everyone's voice

-Eventually, they beat Talia

-She doesn't publicly confess to all her sins unlike everyone else

-PTs don't realize it worked until Damian came into school with a genuine smile on his face, and more relaxed than he'd been since he got there

-PTs are confused until Damian's like, this works out because hey, don't want to have several people assassinated and draw the entire freaking league to Tokyo

(-Which was probably why Talia didn't)

-They agree

-But she does break down to tears in Dami's arms and promise to ACTUALLY TALK CIVILLY with Bruce to try and make up for everything and try to fix up the league

-He stays for the rest of p5

-But steers all his reports very much away from the Phantom Thieves

-If anything, he downplays absolutely everything, and makes it seem like it's nothing super big but he's gonna stay a while to keep and eye out because y'alls are busy and I like it here and I haven't gotten expelled so there

-The PTs like to add funny stuff on there just to see if they’ll notice

-Like, Akira likes to have Dami describe his day in excruciating detail. Like, recounting the entirety of his nine or so months to Sae during police interrogation, excruciating

-Mona is pushing for the shiny stuff

-Yusuke just likes to put in bursts of randomness (Dami once mentioned that an acquaintance made another acquaintance T-pose in a church for art lol)

-Ann loves to rant about food

-Haru is always insisting on about feelings

-Ryuji likes to complain about everything and puts in ridiculous requests

-Futaba is just putting in every gen-z thing ever

-Makoto is actually responsible and tries to get him to talk about his progress in school and his social life

-And Akechi is absolutely nowhere near any of this and doesn’t know it exists

-When they have the Tokyo/Japan-wide calling card, Batfam sees it too because let's face it, that's totally the sorta thing that they would keep an eye out for even if he didn't look at the news in the entirety of the time Dami was in Tokyo

-And they send a message to Damian (the first actual communication they've had since before Talia) saying "WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON OVER THERE????"

-And with the entirety of the Phantom Thieves looking over his shoulder, Damian's just like "Chill dudes, everything's fiiiiiiiiiine"

-And they're like "UH WHAT PART OF THIS IS FINE????" because they've dug around a bit and found every news report, and oh hey, this isn't anywhere near as calm as Damian described and he’s being super OOC and what’s going on?!?!?!?!?!

-And Damian, being egged on by the most of the PTs, just sends a winky face

-Just

-😉

-And he's smug, because it's still chaos over there so they can't actually come get him and try to pull him out because he's being super ooc

-Which means he's free to do what he wants/needs in the meantime

-Cue the end of the game

-And Dami is going with them on their summer road trip and cackling because the batfam is scrambling to find him in Tokyo but lol nope he's in a van the Japanese government tried and fail to follow

-And he found all the trackers like, a year ago

-Every

-Single

-One

-They eventually track him down to Akira's house where they're calmly eating dinner (and they've been expecting this for the past week so Mona was keeping watch just so they could pull this off) and talking about how uneventful the school year was

-Cue mass confusion in the batfam

-As the PTs enjoy just confusing them so much

-By talking to Mona

-Talking normal then crazy then normal again

-And just generally being their normal selves lol

-They explain absolutely nothing beyond gushing about how much progress socially and academically he’s made (gotta embarrass the baby of the group somehow) and making sure that if Dami absolutely has to go home that he's able to stay in touch

(-Later, Damian forms his own hero persona outside of Batman and Robin)

(-He names it Mockingbird)

(-Batfam proceeds to have a brain aneurysm while the PTs dab their happy proud tears out of their eyes on their regularly scheduled tea time at the Wayne Manor)

(-Damian sends a private plane every week or two lol)

(Bonus: ARTTTTTTT)

(Psst if you guys have ideas for art, outfits, interactions or scenarios, let me know)

[fair-fae]

this is nervewracking to ask, but i'm going to do it anyway. what did cyril do that was abusive? i can't see it, and honestly that just makes me scared that i do some of the same things and don't recognize it.

Hey, anon! This is a perfectly fine question and there’s nothing wrong with asking it (the issues lies in people who don’t see the abuse and then decided obviously that means it’s just not happening… and then go the extra mile of harassing the victim and their supporters). Thank you for asking! I’ll try to explain as best as I can, but the best advice I can give is to Google signs of emotional abuse and you can find a lot of lists of certain behaviors. Most are framed in terms of romantic relationships, but they can happen with friends, family, RP partners–anyone, in real life and online alike.Cut for length and general sensitive content dealing with emotional abuse and the dreaded “drama”

Here are some common ones that imo appeared in the logs:Isolation

Abusers often try to isolate victims from their friends/family and any other relations they might have. A sad and lonely victim makes for an easier target, as does one with no support network to help them escape their abuser. It also means less people around to find out about the abuser’s true nature. In the logs we see him try to cast doubt on her friends, telling her that her friends were bothering him and calling him “her keeper” or coming to him about her private conversations with them that they were displeased about (yet refusing to say who, to leave her questioning everyone), not mentioning her friends and tumblr followers were worried about her and trying to reach her until after the fact, etc.Walking on EggshellsA lot of people in abusive relationships describe it as feeling like “walking on eggshells.” They try to avoid doing things that might set off their abuser… but their abuser has to keep them from being content and confident to keep them in control, so they’ll find smaller and more irrational things to get upset at them about. Replying “if you want” to being asked about taking screenshots becomes a point of contention. “When are you going to stop being sad?” becomes an angry question. She’s blamed for deleting her own blog even though he knew she did it for her health/happiness. She’s blamed for the smallest inconvenience of people asking him if she’s okay even though she has no control over them choosing to reach out to him and for the most part didn’t even have any knowledge of it. Rather than answer them or ask them to stop contacting him, he ignores them, then blames her for him continuing to receive questions from them and the perception he believes that people think he had a falling out with her.

Gaslighting

This is what I saw the most of them in the logs and the most alarming thing. Gaslighting is turning everything around on the victim and making them doubt their own memory/sanity/intelligence/credibility. No, that didn’t really happen, you’re lying. No, what I did to you wasn’t that bad, it was normal, you’re just dramatic. No, I didn’t really say that, you’re misremembering. It’s a lot of lies, justifications, twisting words and scenarios, and taking things out of context.You can see how everything is spun as her fault and actually hurting him. Her deleting her blog is her fault. Him receiving messages about it is her fault. Her not doing anything about the messages is her fault, even though he just now told her it was bothering him, even though he just now told her he was still even receiving them past the first couple ones. Her being unhappy is her fault and a bother for him. Her not being enthused enough to do things with him is her fault, why doesn’t she appreciate that he so generously offered to hang out just to make her feel better? Obviously it’s all because she just hates him. He’s not treating her like an inconvenience, that’s just her mental illness telling her that. She tries to talk to him about her feelings and the way he’s treating her, and rather than acknowledging it, he turns it around–rather illogically and irrationally–about how he is actually the one being mistreated and inconvenienced.Passive Aggression 

A classic way to make people feel like shit but then pretend you did nothing and act like it’s all in their head. Look at the language he uses. Calling her “childish and rash” for “expecting” him to answer messages about her even though she never said she expected that. “It’s better than nothing” when she tries to do something to address the people messaging him as soon as she finds out it’s bothering him. “I don’t think you handled something well -  whatever -  people handle things in different ways” in regards to her deleting her blog for her own happiness. “I would have hoped we could resolve the problem if we’d talked it over” as if he wasn’t the obstacle in that.Those are just a few examples from the first album (the others get into less passive aggression, and more… downright aggression but still have plenty of examples, “delete them - so you don’t just repost them later without my knowledge again.”).ControllingnessThe staple of abuse is an attempt to control the victim. Look how weirdly hung up he is on her deleting her own blog and not doing it in a way he approved of (I almost wonder if he’s upset because he lost the status points of having a “tumblr famous” ship partner?). Look at how, even after they stopped being friends, he wants to keep her character on his ship page after she’d asked him to remove it and he admits to intentionally doing it to make her talk to him and give him leverage over her. Look at how he won’t let her go talk to her own friends in private for advice regarding him and shames her for it being an invasion of “privacy,” as if the logs showed some personal/RL info and not just him being unreasonable. Look at how concerned he is with people on tumblr not assuming the two of them are on bad terms. Look at how, even after they stop being friends, he browses her blogs for posts he believes are about him and tries to tell her what she can and can’t say on her own blogs.It’s evident in his branding post, as well. If people cut ties with him on terms he doesn’t like, they can’t RP having a brand–because he said so. Even if they change the story of how they received it and what character gave it to them. Even if they had that idea before they met him and asked him to RP it with them. Even if they change the look of the brand so it’s no longer his design. This isn’t even a unique idea or something he came up with on his own. Branding slaves has been a RL practice. It’s been made into a trope with… pretty much every fictional slave storyline.And while I’m generally of the opinion of the opinion that IC =/= OOC, IC does not exist within a void unaffected by OOC and vice versa. It’s just speculation since there’s nothing wrong with RPing the type of character he does, but there could very well be a reason he’s drawn to an antagonist/rapist/slaver/abuser/sadist/kidnapper type character.Lack of Care for BoundariesShe says she doesn’t want to be friends anymore, she blocks him, she asks him to delete her number, so what does he do? He not only keeps her number, but texts her because he hopes she hasn’t blocked him there, too. Not even to make an apology, just to say “I would have hoped we could resolve the problem if we’d talked it over” as if he hadn’t been an obstacle in that and “if you change your mind, I’ll be here” to put the onus of fixing the problem on her. When that doesn’t seem to get a response? He keeps their ship on his page despite her asking him to delete it and says, “I used it to make a point, since I knew that you wouldn’t continue the conversation unless I had something to get your attention.” He knows she doesn’t want to talk to him, so rather than honoring it or even finding a respectable way to approach her and make amends… he’s does something against her wishes that he know will upset her so she’ll feel compelled to reluctantly reach out to him. And when he gets that platform he wanted, does he use it to apologize? Nooope! He uses it as leverage to make her delete her screenshots of their conversation.Ultimatums How do you make someone do something they want to do? Give them an alternative that’s even worse. You want your name removed from my ship list so people don’t think you’re associated with me after you’ve realized I’m not someone you want to be around? You have to message me, delete your logs of our conversation, and not say anything about me. You don’t want me to embarrass you by posting logs of your confession to me and me rejecting you? You shouldn’t do things I don’t like, then… oh, but I’d never actually do that, don’t worry, silly! :) :) :)General Narcissism There are numerous times he demands he should be more appreciated. I did all these things to try to cheer up you, be grateful no matter how I’m treating you now. I’ve been so nice to you, how dare you say you feel like I don’t care even when I’m disregarding your feelings. Heck, look at the posts about his rules regarding his branding. He acts like it’s a revolutionary idea he came up with all his own and anyone he’s RPing with is being graced with this groundbreaking idea and if they keep some element of it in their RP after cutting ties with him they’re just “piggy-backing off" his time, effort, and energy to make up for their “lack of creativity” like srsly dude??Even though he refuses to apologize or acknowledge any wrongdoing, he really wants her to forgive and her to make things up to him, to still be his friend, to still have a positive opinion of him so he won’t lose that control. He can’t just let things die. Look at how many times he brings up being “villified” to her friends, the community, etc. He is desperate to have the world see him in a good light, which goes back to the other things mentioned. Control over the perceptions people have of him. The power of popularity and being liked to better isolate victims. Respect from the community to lend credibility that he’s trustworthy and definitely not gaslighting.

And not directed at you, anon, but in general.. for all the people trying to spin at as someone mad they got rejected who was actually terrorizing him… really? The only person who brought up her feelings in the logs was him doing it to spite her. idk I’ve dealt with a lot of admirers not taking rejection well and lemme tell you, I don’t invite them to hang out IRL (I try to avoid seeing them IRL, actually), I don’t ask them to hang out with me in game, I don’t go to lengths to contact them when they’ve blocked them, I don’t ship with them and try to parade it on my blog even after the ship has been retconned, I don’t desperately try to stay in contact with them and convince them to see me in a positive light, I don’t manipulate them into messaging me when I know they don’t want to talk, I don’t try to control their lives and their blogs, and I definitely don’t threaten them with ultimatums. Honestly, nobody deserves that in any context, even if they were a terrible person themselves.

[theintuitivewildflower]

What an amazing quote to start this week.

"But if you bury your sadness under your skin instead of letting it out; what else can it do but grow in your veins, to your heart." -Nikita Gill

It gets me thinking about how healing, for me, went into high gear when I quit resisting emotions as they came to me; rather I let them flow to me, then from me. Knowing that the darker feelings will still come along but they'll also go away helps to me work through them; as I know after the darkness comes more light. This too shall pass is the kind of approach I found worked best because it will pass. Feelings are meant to be felt and awareness of them can help you in knowing yourself and what makes you tick. Awareness of our feelings brings about healing by way of self-love, mindfulness, personal growth and emotional maturity.

Healing is crucial for you if you want healthier relationships in the future including those with family, friends and partners.

Starve the Ego; Smother Your Distractions

Today I'm discussing starving the ego, our personal or false self; starving distractions in our relationships, dating, co-parenting, families and friendships. Feeding the soul is more beneficial to your true self; soul work is simply aiming to align with your authentic self, who you are at your core. So here we go, here come some tips that are working for me regarding how and where to begin your own feelings to healing process.

"But if you bury your sadness under your skin instead of letting it out; what else can it do but grow in your veins, to your heart." -Nikita Gill

You cannot pour from an empty cup.

Feelings Bring Healing

Hurt people hurt people! -Russ

Loving yourself enough to give yourself time to heal can help you foster healthier relationships in the future. You really can't love anyone else properly if you are not complete yourself.

Ego is your false self. It is who we want others to perceive us to be. It is the people pleaser in us; the mask we wear for fear that someone will see who we really are. Also known as the shadow or our dark side. We all have one and we all choose whether it gets fed or not. Often, subconsciously, we allow ourselves and others to feed it and if we aren't careful it can take over our authentic self and get out of control if we aren't paying attention.

The quote by Nikita Gill "But if you bury your sadness under your skin instead of letting it out; what else can it do but grow in your veins, to your heart." -Nikita Gill

In life, we all experience these events that bring up emotions that are difficult and painful for us to feel. Then, we do what?

Add another layer of ego to cover it like a band aid?

....put another mask on?

Move on? Suck it up? Get over it? Hold grudges?

Forgive but don't forget? Get angry? Get even? Keep them a secret?

WE NEED TO FEEL THEM, BE IN THEM, LEARN FROM THEM, FACE THEM AND TRY TO FIGURE OUT A WAY TO APPLY THE LESSONS AND HEAL FROM THEM IF NEED BE.

Healing is hard work!

Healing is profound in terms of starving the ego! Not many realize that pain, sadness, sorrow, grief, guilt, abandonment and other low vibration emotions can be hidden behind that mask we wear! It isn't just instant gratification via sex pride ,flirting, compliments, likes on Instagram, Twitter followers, accolades and honors that feed the ego. There are other feelings we all face that we either decide to deal with or we try to hide them away. Maybe because it just plain hurts to feel them or maybe we think they'll fade away or lay dormant never to haunt us again.

I just mentioned SOME of the unhealthy ways we can respond to pain and sadness that feed the ego and not the soul my friends; things that cover them up rather than things that shed light on our issues. While working to truly know oneself we must allow ourself to feel every emotion we have; good and bad. This is what feeds the soul; knowing what makes you tick, what gets under your skin and why ; also recognizing whether your reacting or responding to people out of ego, in authentically or from your soul, out of love.

My goodness, sometimes it isn't pretty when we start shedding old layers ego. Sometimes it's like having nightmares only your awake and living in them. Often, it can be more painful to feel the feeling​s than experiencing the actual pain and hurt the event caused in the first place. However, covering up those feelings for the sole purpose of not feeling them isn't going to do your spirit one bit of good. In fact, it will further crush your spirit crippling you from fulfilling your purpose, knowing who you are and becoming who who are meant to be.

We're Conditioned to Lack Empathy...

Hear these as a child?

✋🛑stop your crying.....

🙏get over it.....

😭Crybaby.....

😪Big girls don't cry ......

😎boys don't have feelings...

🙄Suck it up......

✔️Be a big girl/boy

🤔I'll give you something to cry about.

These are the traditional societal norms we've been conditioned to live by; this is just the false self, hiding behind our emotions and trying not to ever catch feelings.

Fine, don't catch feelings. None of them stay forever anyway. Simply focus on recognizing them, feeling them come to you and then letting them flow past you. While you are having an emotion visit you try to be mindful about why you feel that way, what is the root cause, is it positive or negative? Did it feel comfortable or were you ready for it to pass? How long did it stay? Did you do something that made you feel another emotion instead?

After this pattern of behavior begins, the fed ego and its to toxicity begin to starve your soul, taking you away from your purpose and spirit early on. Often, negative self-talk begins here because though your following society's norm, hiding your feelings, your still feeling them. Therefore, as young children we feel guilt, shame and humiliation because we've been made to feel inferior, weak or sensitive for having emotions.

We further feed our ego and not the soul when we focus only on those events, activities and people that just make us feel good emotions. However, I want the long term benefits of emotional intelligence, don't you?

Instant gratification is what the ego seeks so we must be careful and ask ourselves when deciding, responding or reacting...

These statements so many of us heard growing up about crying being a weakness and hiding our feelings are pivotal moments in our lives. Moments in which many of us were conditioned to avoid feeling pain, sadness, grief or anxiety as opposed to being presented with a handling a life-event lesson or a discussion about what emotions are and how we can use them to evolve into a better version of ourselves.

The results of raising generation after generation in this inauthentic mindset is emotionally unavailable men and emotionally immature women; neither of which know how to communicate in a healthy way. In turn, we see marriages dissolve, friendships fade, family ties get broken. We also fail to forgive, empathize and show compassion to ourselves and others when we choose to hide behind our false self. When we hold emotions in they stay within us and soon become toxicity in our veins but bubbling and ready to erupt.

If so, let's ask ourselves if we are passing this habit of hiding the sadness on to our children?

Would it not be healthier to allow our children to be sad when they are sad and even empathize with them when they are?

We need to reverse that behavior, that choice! We need to choose US, our heart, our soul, our dreams and our healing.

So have the life events, feel all the feelings that come along, process them, get help if needed. Begin to heal from your hurts, don't just bandage them up. For things to change you have to change. Show yourself some love and let others notice the positive changes in you as you gradually heal and grow more emotionally mature.

....is this feeding my soul or my ego?

Also, what will the future or residual benefits of this choice be? If there aren't any, then you can be fairly certain that your just feeding your ego. Your soul may be malnourished and in need of some TLC.

When we choose to cover up pain or sadness, refuse to feel it and then not seek to heal or face the emotions we have..... they remain within us. They fester, they flow through us even while being ignored and they contaminate our actual authentic self and pull is further from our purpose. They remain there, feeding the ego, remember; the ego is who we want to be perceived as, our fake self. If you are a parent, please pause and take a moment to ask yourself if your are suppressing sadness from your own childhood that you need to process ; through the soul this time so you can actually heal.

That's how we can begin to raise kids that aren't ashamed to tell their parents how they feel. Lastly, parents don't hide behind your mask with your kiddos. If you have repressed feelings you need to process be real about it. Be the example. Be the parent you needed when you were that age.

Feelings are just that, feelings. You are going to have them, this is undeniable. When we hide them and feed them to our ever-starving ego , the ego grows; our fake self then grows more confident and the dark side of us, our shadow, gets stronger. Ego will consistently be pulling you further from your divine purpose as long as your feeding it. If you feed the ego , you starve your soul. You can't feed both, it's a choice.

We can all be out here starving the ego more, feeding our souls more nourishing content, living with more zest and having a powerful purpose if we'd be simply commit to peeling that mask off. We gotta stop hiding out inside ourselves; letting that let sadness and pain contaminate our soul.

What will you choose the next time you catch a feeling?? Ego or soul? Will you feel it or will you resist it?

Then, let that soul of yours shine. That's the good stuff!! That's where your purpose is, waiting for you to get Aligned with it!

Personal growth requires growing pains. However, nothing is more painful than remaining in a place you don't truly belong.

Karyn Dee

...FEEL IT TO HEAL IT AND DON'T QUIT YOUR DAY DREAM LOVELY!

#theintuitivewildflower

Love you bunches

[sableaire]

Hey, I just wanted to let you know that I really look up to you for considering everyone's opinion and being calm and level-headed. I feel like I don't see a lot of toxic, passive-aggressive Tumblr stuff here. It's a breath of fresh air imo. I was just wondering how you do it? Like, what do you tell yourself, when you feel angry about someone else's opinion, but want to remind yourself that they're entitled to it? It would really help me! Thank you.

Hello - thank you for your kind words, Anon. I try hard to try and make my blog a comfortable place for the most amount of people, and though I sometimes feel like I slip up, I’m glad that you find my blog something refreshing.

I can’t really say how it is that I avoid the toxic, Tumblr passive-aggression. Part of it may just be that I avoid it myself, so it never ends up on my dash. However, thinking on it now, I guess a lot of that is a deliberate choice as well.

Something that gives me a lot of perspective on things like this is that I’ve changed a lot as a person in just the last six years. The transition from high school to college to now near-graduation was a significant one, and I underwent a lot of personal growth.

As such, I know what it’s like to make mistakes as a teenager (or younger). I know who I was, how I thought, and I know what would have worked on me and what would not have. 

This post has gotten super-long, possibly my longest yet(?) so I’ll put it under the cut as usual. If you want to just skim the example given and go straight to tips, skip down to the bolded portion, ahaha. More under the cut:

Just a warning, but this example contains mentions of homophobia and, additionally, some highly negative or dangerously neutral opinions that I personally held in the past. I no longer retain such beliefs. I ask that you look upon this example as a story of growth, as I do. 

For example, as a young teen, I had a very firm belief (not taught, just a personal belief that came out of nowhere;;) that anything sexual was bad, and I was more morally pure for having no interest in it. Additionally, I was raised in a highly homophobic environment, and because I had no concept of romantic/sexual attraction in the first place, I had no reason to really think about the idea of why loving the same gender would be bad. I just accepted it as a fact of life, just as I accepted it as a fact of life that eventually I would fall in love and marry a man, etc.

It was to the point where I kind of just… didn’t realize gay people existed. Hell, I didn’t even know there was gay media. I was just straight-up oblivious. But that fun fact aside, my complete disconnect from the existence of gay people meant that, if the topic came up, I probably would have made some highly ignorant comments.

((Side note, I barely realized heterosexual people existed - I didn’t realize that people were having sex in my high school until I was a senior!))

At the same time, I was a highly prideful individual. I know for a fact that if someone, especially some stranger I don’t know, confronted me in anger, calling me homophobic and a terrible person for some of the things I blithely said, young-teen-me would have drawn myself up to save face. I would have gotten offended, angry, and discredited whoever it was. After all, why would I believe some internet stranger over my environment - over myself and my experiences?

If someone had attacked me for my ignorance and these beliefs born of complete ignorance, I know for a fact that I would have ended up more firmly aligning myself with those beliefs. I would have felt the need to stand my ground, partially to protect my self-esteem, partially because as someone who looked down on emotion (I could write a book on my past self;;), I would not have wanted to be associated with a group of people that were so angry. 

So, now that I am older and have moved beyond that, now that I know better, I approach these kind of issues in a way that I know my past self would have been more receptive to. I don’t get angry, and I don’t try to enforce my own ideas on other people. Instead, I offer more information. I trust the other party to be a strong thinker in their own right, and then I offer them a choice that might not have been available to them before.

As a young teen, I had no option to accept gay people, when I had no concept of their existence and the vague ‘fact’ that it was a ‘dirty’ or ‘sinful’ thing to be gay. I had no option to accept the idea that people should be able to love who they love when my belief on romantic love was that you just choose the best option available to you once you’re ready to marry (aroace, woo, fun times).

But I was a headstrong teenager, overconfident and smart enough to sound impressive, so if anyone attacked my character or intelligence over my homophobia, I would have felt the need to assert my autonomy over myself. Telling me what to think? Telling me how to behave? That would have been unconscionable. My indignation and anger would have kept me from ever trying to learn more about the topic.

If, instead, someone gave me an option - just made the topic of being gay something more normalized in my life, gave me more historic sources (either of cultures where same-sex relationships were accepted or records of the horrors the LGBTQ community suffered), and just gave me more information to reform my beliefs on my own, I would have been more likely to change my views.

Looking back now, that’s exactly what happened. The way it happened, however, is also something a lot of people might not have agreed with. What brought the concept of ‘gay people’ into my sphere of awareness was in fact a friend’s interest in BL content. My desire to support and share in her interests, along with a natural curiosity and interest in storytelling, led me to read a number of BL manga. I never got into the BL community because I didn’t experience it the same way they did - as a sex-repulsed asexual, I wasn’t reading it for sexual gratification, so I couldn’t relate to their titillation. Even so, because I never do things by halves, as a teenager, I continue reading BL as a hobby.

Some, of course, was blatant fetishization, and I am now embarrassed that I have ever read those. Actually, I’m embarrassed about this period in my life in general, for various reasons, but I’m sharing the story! Just for you, Anon! 

In any case, some was blatant fetishization, but I did also encounter some actually well-written stories with emotional stake. Now, I’m not saying this is in any way ideal, but it was these stories that exposed me to the idea of social rejection, fear of being disowned, etc. due to homophobia. 

These particular themes struck a chord with me, because even though I had just accepted the idea that I was going to marry someone and have children, etc. I also had a vague awareness that I didn’t want to. In Korean society, and with my grandmother, I did have an ingrained fear that I may be somehow rejected by my family should I ever not want to go to any of my grandmother’s blind dates for me and such. 

Sometimes in high school, when I answered that I didn’t have an interest in dating, family members would accuse me of being a lesbian in a tone of near disgust. Prior to reading the BL stories, I likely would have been offended by the accusation. After reading the BL stories and reading about situations where people got cut off for being gay, I was more hurt by the idea that if I was actually gay myself, I likely would have been rejected. It better helped me to better understand and empathize with some struggles that LGBTQ persons may go through in their lives.

This empathy led me to be more open to reading about the LGBTQ community, and it helped me to better control my surprise when I found out some of my friends were bisexual or had kissed girls, and it was a gateway to more information, with which I have shaped my current beliefs and moral code.

This is another reason that I don’t really engage in Tumblr’s moral crusades. I’m of the firm belief that people grow given the chance, and that growth is shaped by three things: information, support, and choice. In this example, my ‘information’ came from places that the more morally aggressive side of Tumblr would consider irredeemable: BL media. 

I’ve written a post or two on the topic in the past, so my followers already know that I disapprove of the fetishization often inherent in this kind of media. However, I simultaneously cannot bring myself to bring myself to just tell people, “Hey, you shouldn’t read BL,” because it would not have worked on me, personally, and also because my experience reading BL actually contributed to the who I am in present day.

Let’s create an Alternate Universe - remove this source of ‘information’ from my formative years. I had no opportunity to empathize with an example of emotional rejection. Due to living in South Korea with a limited social circle, attending a Christian school, I have limited opportunity to meet actual gay people. Instead, as I grow up, my increasingly evident disinterest in guys leads to more disgusted/concerned accusations from family members that I’m a lesbian, which I react to poorly because I am both repulsed by the idea of a romantic relationship and also because I have been told all my life that being gay is something undesirable.

I eventually make a homophobic comment, because I start to associate the concept ‘lesbian’ with my personal revulsion. In response, someone calls me a terrible person, irredeemable, etc. and challenges my moral character, something AU me has a high opinion of. Insulted, I feel the need to defend my position because, psychologically, it is easier to decide that other people are wrong than admit that I am wrong.

The new ‘information’ available to me is that people who support gay people are ‘overly-emotional’ and will attack a person’s character without knowing who they are. Perhaps I receive a death threat or they tell me that people like me are better off dead. Then the new ‘information’ available to me is that people who support gay people are potentially dangerous.

As an upset teenager, in this AU, I speak to my family about this. Due to some ingrained homophobic beliefs themselves, they validate my experience. Some of them might tell me that people who support gay people are “just as bad as gays themselves.” My mother, especially, is furious about the death threat. She tells me that I’m smarter than they’ll ever be, how dare some stranger say that. Is it possible to report them to the police? I tell her, no, that’s not possible, mom, it’s the internet and also they’re probably in a different country.

This is AU me’s ‘support’. It reinforces the ‘information’ that I received, and it makes it more difficult for me to accept conflicting information in the future. Online, I may encounter other individuals who have received hate and or death threats for their homophobic beliefs, and I connect with them. We commiserate. This is more ‘support’ which makes it even harder for me to change my mind in the future.

And throughout this whole series of events, AU-me feels that she is in control of her own actions. She didn’t ‘give into’ the people trying to force her to change. She is proud of who she is, and she feels confident in her autonomy of herself. Due to basic psychology, she feels that her choice is the right one, and she instinctively seeks out biased evidence that confirms her beliefs.

Flash forward to AU age 22, I would be a completely different person to who I am today. I would not have the friends that I do. I would not be on Tumblr writing this post. My moral code and personal beliefs could be completely different.

So then, here’s a philosophical question: Does the very real possibility that I could have become an elitist, sexist homophobe make me a bad person?

There are some people who believe that people who are morally good will always end up where they are. I am not one of those people. I consider myself blessed that I met the people I did and had the experiences that I did. I am grateful that certain hardships in my life gave me time and reason to sit down and think about the kind of person that I want to be.

Due to the information that I was lucky enough to encounter and the support I was able to find, I was able to make the decision to commit to being an open-minded person. 

Of course, I recognize that my experience is unique to myself. It is very possible that someone else, in my aforementioned example, would have ended up homophobic in a different way - fetishizing gay people, applying BL fantasies to real life people, etc. - but in my case, that wasn’t so. And that’s the issue. You can’t accurately predict people’s trajectory of growth upon exposure to controversial topics and or media. However, it’s almost certainly guaranteed that anger and threats will be poorly received, and likely counter-productive. 

I believe that people are a product of their experiences. There have been a lot of kind people in my life, such as yourself Anon, who have told me that they respect my approach to situations or my philosophy on life or how I conduct myself, etc.

Ultimately, it is just that I am a product of my own unique set of experiences, and those experiences encompass both circumstances and mistakes. Upon coming to college and spending time away from my family, I really started committing to my self-betterment. I spent a lot of time thinking about my beliefs and the kind of person who I want to be. I took courses in Conflict Negotiation and Social Psychology because they were important to me. 

Right now, I am still learning, and I’m still trying. I’m really, really happy that I can be someone others find helpful for their own personal growth.

With that being said:

So, Anon, your question was, “I was just wondering how you do it? Like, what do you tell yourself, when you feel angry about someone else’s opinion, but want to remind yourself that they’re entitled to it?“

It’s not necessarily that I believe someone is entitled to their beliefs. There are some beliefs that I find dangerous, and I do not believe any person should have them. However, before I get angry, I think about my own experience as a person with less-than-stellar beliefs, and I think about what kind of approach would have best worked with me.

In my experience, the elements that contribute to a person’s opinions on something are the following: information, support, and choice.

So, things to keep in mind:

Every person uses the information available to them and the support system attached to that information to make, what they believe to be, an informed choice. People always believe in things and behave in a manner that makes logical sense to them, and that is important to remember.

Choice is the most important element of the three. The psychology of autonomy, especially in highly individualistic societies such as the United States, is incredibly powerful. Even if someone changes their behavior because someone else tells them to, they may later on start to resent both the behavior and the person that forced them. Ultimately, if you want someone to really change, you have to let them come to a different conclusion on their own. 

So, how do you change someone’s mind? Give them information and let them know that should they desire to change, they have your support. If someone is ignorant about something, rather than condemning them for it, it is most effective to present information in a neutral manner. Give them the option to learn, and let them choose the option for themselves. And, should they want to learn more about a certain perspective, offer your availability and aid. Allow them to make their own mistakes and learn from their own mistakes. Act as a guide they can choose to follow rather than trying to push them down a certain path. This is the approach Daryl Davis took towards the KKK, to great success.

That being said, I realize that this is a best case scenario. It is incredibly time-consuming, and it is for many people emotionally taxing. This method is not for everyone, and part of the reason I stick to it is because I recognize that I am one of few people who have the patience and the temperament to carry it out, and I believe that it is a necessary method in this world. However, I recognize that it is unfair to expect people with great emotional investment in a topic to just swallow their feelings and bear with it. Sometimes, certain topics are deeply upsetting to individual people. Especially in these cases, I recognize that it is highly difficult for people to take on such a goal-oriented approach. 

I am additionally committed to my approach because I know that there are some people who will be receptive to it, but not everyone can make use of it. As such, many people I know in my life ask for me to mediate conflicts or help them figure out how to change someone’s mind. I am an ally to many causes by being this more neutral, more open-minded person. I have received criticism for this before, that there’s no point trying to change bigots’ minds or that there’s no arguing with certain people. However, as someone who acknowledges that she could have become someone completely different (someone who thought poverty was the fault of the poor, that sexual assault is fault of the victim, that being gay was an abnormality, etc.) I know for a fact that people, especially younger people, can change their minds, given the opportunity.

However, like I said, this method is time-consuming and emotionally taxing. And as much as I want to help people, I also have an obligation to myself. So, part of the reason I avoid toxicity and passive-aggression or fan/anti debates is because I’m… I’m on Tumblr for fun. For a good time. Why would I willingly throw myself into more trouble when I can avoid it? The thing is, I already know that I can’t change everyone’s mind, so it doesn’t matter if I don’t go in and engage every single person on Tumblr whose opinions I disagree with. Instead, sometimes I’ll get Anons who ask my opinion on certain topics, and I can make a long post like this one. People interested in the topic will then read and reblog it, and it will eventually reach a wider audience. The thing about my approach is, I can’t please anyone on any one side. I have people who disagree with me on both sides… but, unlike other approaches, I also have people who agree with me on both sides. In any case, I’m on Tumblr for fun, and I don’t have a responsibility to anyone but my own followers.

That is also why I try to keep my Tumblr free of discourse, for the most part. Not everyone can handle emotionally charged controversy, and not everyone can easily ignore it if it just shows up on their dash. Although I try to tag everything so people can opt in and out of content, I also want my blog to be mostly a fun and friendly place for people where they can occasionally learn things. There are enough sources of stress in the world. I hope I’m never one of them. ((On occasion I will reblog a post which involves my political beliefs, but that is because I feel that, in this case, given the current US political climate, I would feel personally uncomfortable if I didn’t make my personal alignment known.))

Also, it’s important to note: If you’re engaging in dialogue and trying to change someone’s mind on a topic without thinking about how to succeed at it, at heart, changing their mind may not be your ultimate goal. Often times, a lot of Tumblr controversy comes, not from a place of wanting positive change, but wanting emotional gratification. Sending angry messages on the internet may feel good in the moment, but it often drags you into a frustrating argument that leads nowhere. It also will not have a long-term positive effect. Having the moral high ground in a situation can feel fantastic, and I’ve been there - but again, it doesn’t actually enact positive change. It just creates a survival-of-the-fittest environment for negativity. You’ll chase away the people who have room to grow, and only the loudest, most stubborn, most arrogant people will remain. 

Further, getting angry at people’s opinions on the internet creates an environment where it’s terrifying to make mistakes. On the internet, it’s impossible to tell someone’s age and or circumstances. A lot of people on Tumblr are kids, and they may or may not be lying about their ages to seem older. Think about parenting, and how criticizing small mistakes in behavior can lead to a long-term fear of making mistakes. Life is all about making mistakes and learning from them. Creating a system where one mistake can haunt you for the rest of your life is counter-productive to personal growth, and that’s what a lot of Tumblr controversy seems to be.

Actually, now that I’ve written all that, I just realized something I should have mentioned in the very beginning: I am not someone interested in changing the world. I’m not even interested in enacting social change. That’s far, far, far to broad a scope for me. There are some people built for such positions, and they seek to enter politics or start grassroot fundraisers, etc. I am not such a person.

Instead, I hope to become someone who can be a positive source of change for individuals. I don’t want to change the world or society, but I hope to be someone who can change one person’s worldview. An act of kindness for to a person who has lost hope. Someone who can translate languages and bridge cultures for individual people. Someone who can inspire someone to commit to their own self-development. 

To this day, I consider learning that I inspired someone to learn a new subject or pursue a new career path my greatest achievements. Few things delight me more.

I want to be a writer, and if the book that I publish can make a positive impact on just one reader, I will consider that book successful. That story would have been one worth telling.

There are some people who can make a goal to change the world and make it happen. I find that far too grand a dream for me. I lack the motivation for it, the strength of will for it, the vision for it. However, engaging with people one at a time, I can manage. So, there really is no reason for me to engage in Tumblr discourse. If someone comes to me directly, I can work with that. I can talk with someone one-on-one, and who knows, maybe I will come out the person changed. But that’s a personable scale, and it’s a level that I can comprehend.

I cannot change the world itself, but I can change the world for one person.

I don’t know if this was the answer you wanted, Anon, and I’m sorry it’s so long, ahaha. Ultimately, my advice to you is, decide what kind of person you want to be, and work towards it. This isn’t about achievements or careers, etc. - those are external things that label you. Who do you want to be? What kind of impact do you want to have on others? What kind of impression do you want to leave? And all the while, what role in life are you comfortable with on a physical, emotional, and ethical level?

After you figure that out, think about how you can become that person. The thing is, you never will, not completely, but you can improve yourself month by month and get a little closer, and every step closer to being that person is a victory. 

Most people in the world never take the time to think about it, so by taking the time to do so, Anon, you’ll already be a step ahead. 

..... I feel like after all that, I didn’t actually... answer the question very clearly. I’m sorry;; I hope you got something out of this ridiculous response, Anon;;;;

[lovestrucklaundry]

i feel like there are many ways that could've played out tbh. there are just too many variables imo to categorically say how it would've played out (like who speaks first, what is said, when it happens...) BUT going strictly from what actually happened + peter's continuous disdain for the symbiote i imagine most of these scenarios wouldn't end up very well... or at least they would not be together in the end...

namely for two main reasons:

1) peter didn't seem open to sharing his body with someone like that. or his life in general. at that point he was having issues even with his aunt and felicia (in terms of being open and maintaining genuine connections and all) iirc. so i feel like if the symbiote being a living intelligent creature came up at any point unexpectedly to peter he would have rejected it all the same (though maybe less violently depending on the circumstances? idk). and if he had known from the start... i don't think he would have even touched the symbiote in the first place. or like if upon first "putting on" the symbiote it had said something to him directly i think he would just be like "oh shit" and taken it off pretty much immediately. though this would actually be the best rejection scenario imo since it wouldn't have been long enough for that to be an impactful experience for either of them other than just a big awkward Oopsie.

2) the symbiote's first contact with humans (+ human emotions, experiences and relationships) was with peter. and it was a very confusing overwhelming first contact. i think it needed a time away from peter (and also to bond and even just communicate/relate with other humans) to get a better grasp on everything and on its own self (what it is, feels, wants, deserves...). so if they had somehow stayed together i think the symbiote would end up doing Not So Good things to peter (more so out of genuine confusion over boundaries and feelings and so on. not really out of malice at all) that would lead to him rejecting it at some point. and i feel like with this rejection the later the worse (because it would be even more confused and hurt by the rejection and it would have grown more dependent on and obsessed with peter at that point as well, adding to the overall mess). OR it would realize the relationship with peter wasn't really ideal, exactly because of the ever growing dependence and confusion (because peter really would be its only compass to understanding everything it was seeing and feeling and experiencing. everything the symbiote is would be constantly going through a peter-filter that the symbiote didn't get as easy of a chance to mature into its own filter. because peter really would be all it knew) would lead to IT rejecting HIM at some point. and that would also be very painful for it...

so i feel like they just weren't meant to be honestly. at least not at that point in time.

what i DO think would be interesting to think about (though i don't really think it would end romantically at all) is them, in the context of what actually did happen in canon and the rejection and the symbiote bonding to eddie and going after peter, eventually sitting down to talk it all through. ideally to me it would start with peter seeing the symbiote with eddie and thinking that, even if the bonding did feel extremely wrong to him, maybe it wasn't an inherently bad thing (though he still felt venom was objectively terrible). and then when peter starts seeing eddie more sympathetically and understanding him and his motivations he would also extend that sympathy to the symbiote. and eventually the three of them (or maybe even just the symbiote and peter) would sit down and talk about all that happened. i think they wouldn't really forgive each other but they would reach the joint conclusion that neither was in the wrong at the beginning and the initial misunderstandings just escalated terribly. so they'd still agree to at least overlook the past and try to start over more amicably. which could eventually lead to a genuine friendship (or even something more intimate? though i'm not really into that myself due to their past).

What do y'all think might've happened if Peter hadn't rejected the symbiote?

[aphrostarot]

What is Coming in Love

What is coming to you in love this month?

Please remember that this is a general reading and some things may not apply to you. Don't force it to fit. I offer paid readings on my page if you would like a personal reading. Prices are listed there. Please message me if you are interested!

Pile One (Amethyst):

The Sun clarified with 2 of Cups

There is a soulmate energy coming through this month. The moment you meet this person, you will click. The two of you will have a great deal of happiness together.

The Hermit clarified with King of Pentacles

There is a great deal of abundance in this person's life. They are a leader and have accumulated success throughout their lives. But they tend to be rather shy and private. They often behave in a very reserved way when they first meet someone. Virgo represents the Hermit, but I feel this person has more Taurus energy than Virgo. Therefore, Taurus may be prominent in their chart.

2 of Swords clarified with 4 of Cups

You guys have had some stalemate in your lives, nothing coming in and nothing going out. You two have some mirroring going on currently. The both of you have been feeling very bored in your lives and that will change this month.

Ace of Cups clarified with Queen of Wands

The Ace of Cups tells me you do not know who this person is, they are completely new. You are a very ambitious person who knows what they want in life and is willing to do whatever it takes to achieve it. This person will help you get all the things you desire.

7 of Wands clarified with Ace of Swords

You may have had some arguments in the past or this person has. This fight has not been resolved and you don’t know what happened and why there were problems, to begin with. You and this person getting together will help the both of you to find the origin of the problems you had before getting together.

The She-Wolf

It is a symbol of ferocity and strength within the She-Wolf. They are the embodiment of wanting to protect the ones they love. This person will help bring this side of you out and you to them. Each of you will be very protective of the other and help the other to embody the inner strength you both have deep down without knowing. This person will help you find the strength you need to fight for what you want out of life.

Pile Two (Amazonite):

3 of Cups clarified with 7 of Pentacles

Based on the energy I received from this pile, it feels like an ex is coming back this month. Someone has been planning to come back to you for a while now, and it will happen this month. With the 3 of Cups coming out too it is telling me that you want this person back into your life just as much as they want to be in yours. You will be celebrating this month.

2 of Pentacles clarified with Ace of Wands

You and this person share similar interests and you may even want to start a new hobby or business together. Since you broke up with this person, you have had difficulty maintaining balance in your life. Once this person returns, you will be able to find that balance again.

6 of Cups clarified with 3 of Pentacles

The 6 of Cups is confirming that this is a past love coming back into your life this month. They left your life because it wasn’t right for either of you at that time. Both of you have learned from your past mistakes, and now it's time for you to be together.

2 of Swords clarified with 10 of Cups

There was a stalement in your relationship because it wasn't the right time for you to be together. Spirit is telling you that it's time for you two to be together and that you'll have your happily ever after with them. You will get the dream life the two of you dreamed of.

8 of Swords clarified with 6 of Swords

Your insecurities and anxieties have increased since the breakup. During this month, you will be making progress in your healing. Regaining this person's presence in your life will enable you to heal from the wounds they opened in you.

The Mystic

Spirit says this relationship won't be like the last time you were together. Both of you will benefit from this relationship as it will help you transform and master your divinity.

Pile Three (Rose Quartz):

King of Cups clarified with 10 of Cups

This individual is very kind, empathetic, generous, and pure of heart. As a result of their emotional intelligence and authority, the people around them follow them. Based on the energy I receive from this pile, it feels like an ex is returning to your life. The 10 of Cups tells you that they will return this month and they want a happily ever after with you.

10 of Swords clarified with 6 of Cups

You felt that your life had been turned upside down when you and your partner broke up. Suddenly, just when you thought you were happy with this person, and that they were the one for you, things changed, leaving you to pick up the pieces they left behind. It was devastating for you.

9 of Swords clarified with 8 of Swords

This person saw you as the one that they wanted to marry, you are the love of their life and this scared them. The two of you had so many plans for each other, but they felt unworthy of that happiness, so they ended things. Their insecurities and anxieties got in their way. The reason the two of you broke up was a result of them getting in their own way.

9 of Wands clarified with 8 of Wands

You may have communicated poorly with this person previously and that may also have contributed to your breakup. Spirit is saying that this time around your communication with this person will be better. You have both learned from your past mistakes, and this will help you to work together more effectively.

The Devil clarified with The High Priestess

There is a very strong spiritual connection between the two of you, not to mention that it is also filled with desire. Together, you two were put into each other's lives to enhance your spirituality. Passion and spirituality will fill your relationship.

The Magical Girl

Both of you are very spiritual and have great abilities whether you know it or not. Those abilities become even more powerful when you two get together. There is an element of magic in your relationship.

Pile Four (Fuchsite):

2 of Pentacles clarified with 10 of Swords

You have been through a lot in the recent past, and it has hurt you deeply. Life has been plagued by disaster after disaster and you haven't been able to catch a break. Spirit wants you to know that will change this month.

5 of Cups clarified with The Fool

After being struck with disaster after disaster, you have become extremely depressed. Because of your depression and fear, you have missed out on opportunities. Spirit wants you to know that this person who is going to enter your life this month will help you to get over this sadness. They will help you embrace the Fool's energy of losing fear and going after everything you desire.

3 of Cups clarified with The Moon

I believe you know who this person is and that you are friends with them. Because of your own depression, you haven't realized that this person is right for you. This month you may start going out more and spending time with this person, which will help you to realize that this person is the one for you.

9 of Wands clarified with Ace of Pentacles

Possibly, your finances have also been hit recently, which could also have contributed to your depression. This person will not only help you get back on your feet in society but also in your finances this month. You can find new ways to make money with their help.

The Devil clarified with 8 of Wands

There is a lot of desire and passion between you two. There is a lot of communication between you two and that helps you both feel attracted to one another. Conversation and passion will fill your relationship.

The Final Girl

The Final Girl is the one who has survived all that life has thrown at her. You have had this person by your side through all your ups and downs, and no matter what happens, they will still be there for you. Your relationship is in it for the long haul.

Though tips are not required, they are very much appreciated. Thank you! Venmo: @ aphrostarot

Paypal: paypal/aphrostarot