#they don’t put afford for shit
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
do you ever get the feeling that medical staff (except nurses) don’t know shit about anything??? like i have a problem instead of explaining to me what the root cause is or even listening to me they just do a basic examination (if they even do that cause the amount of times a medic didn’t even left their chair…) maybe ask a blood test and prescribe antibiotics
#— chatting break 💬#i fucking hate doctors#in my country around 70% of med students are from rich af families#they don’t put afford for shit#seriously i remember one#one fucking doctor that examined me explain what my problem was and what the cause must be#he directed me to another speciality and boom my problem was over#all i needed was a tiny surgery#another doctor in that same hospital told me something ridiculous and didn’t even left her chair
21 notes
·
View notes
Text
yall really got me defending hobby horse girl on tiktok bc you weird ass cringey adults think it’s normal to bully a literal child for doing something they enjoy lmao
#apple babble 🍎#non fandom#i don’t even hate it bc i researched it#and it’s used as a genuine therapeutic outlet for girls & young women#especially ones who love horses but can’t afford them#bc having a horse is an extreme privilege#but also#GYMNASTICS?????#i dare any one of u fuckers to go grab a broom or a swiffer#put that shit between your legs and jump over a 4ft wall#go ahead fucking do it#tired of yall fr lmAOOOO#like shit at least she’s outside doing something instead of doomscrolling & being a whole ass 35+ picking on children 😭
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
Love having to help hold everyone else’s lives together but the second I’m struggling and need help then I’m too needy and being a problem
#god just once I want what I put into a person given back in return#I schedule and plan everything I make meals for everyone and drive people around#my whole life it’d always be my job to clean my brothers room and even now I’m the one that keeps others shit clean instead of themselves#and I really wouldn’t mind if any of it was returned#or at the very least don’t make me feel like shit#or like I give people rides but don’t get gas money and I make meals but no help paying for the groceries to make the food#and I can’t afford to sustain myself much less someone else#and I’m so tired#I work all the fuckin time#just once I want to get off and relax and not have to go and take care of a whole ass adult who’ll throw a fit if I dare say I’m hungry#or get mad at me when I run out of energy when I’m going non stop#ghost rambles#hh I’ll have some time to myself tomorrow morning before my blood tests at least#before I have to go home after and prepare for a taco night with friends#gonna go wander target I still have a gift card and maybe get a new piercing#I am excited for tacos and games with my friends I’m just so tired and tomorrow morning is my only break for the next week#I have so many appointments coming up and I picked up extra shifts
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
screaming shaking crying trembling wailing sobbing throwing up punching the wall in anguish and agony and angst etc etc etc
#Seven.txt#Seven’s Public Diary#cw vent post#kinda?? i guess??#cw dentist#anyways yeah. i have to go to the dentist soon and i wanna throw up just thinking abt it#someone just fucking hit me with a tranq gun and get it over with already oh my god i don’t wanna do thisssssss#but don’t actually do that cause i would deadass revoke someone’s breathing privileges if they ever sedated me without my consent#that’s part of what i’m so afraid of. i don’t know what i’m gonna do if they say i have to be put under general anesthesia for this.#i will literally cry and run out of the building#so here’s hoping that they can just numb it and keep me awake#i need to stay awake for this man it’s the only way i can handle it. i don’t wanna be vulnerable like that.#hhhhhhh last time i was in a dentist chair i was shaking uncontrollably and it’s so embarrassing when my body does that shit#i’m so afraid it’s gonna be like that again cause my fear has gotten so much worse as i’ve put off going#but my father will be there with me so maybe my need to appear strong in front of him will override my body’s need to shake in fear lmao#so i’ve got someone to take me and i’ve thankfully got the money saved to afford it so realistically i shouldn’t be upset#but i am so so afraid and no amount of logic is gonna help me out here. i already know that#i just have to go do it like i have to force myself to do all the other things i’m afraid of#ugh. i can’t tell if i’m nauseous cause of the pain radiating from my jaw bone to my brow bone or if it’s anxiety#or if it’s cause i couldn’t eat last night. or all three. probably all three#i’ve never had any cavities or serious issues with my teeth before in my life so this is so so so new and scary and i hate it#but i want the pain to stop so i gotta get this fixed. and never eat anything with sugar or acid or anything ever again#and brush my teeth one million times a day so this doesn’t happen again#sighs and collapses on the floor. i guess i couldn’t run from the consequences of my mentally ill actions forever#also no for once i didn’t actually punch anything. that was just a figure of speech. and i’m in enough pain as it is rn lmao
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
.
#i’m so mad at myself#i’m trying not to push myself too far but at the same time i’m so mad that i’ve put shit off for so long and now i need to cram#to finish everything and it’s so overwhelming but it’s my own fault for leaving it so long#it doesn’t help that i have to wrestle with adhd to try to focus on one thing and it just makes me want to cry because i can’t get my brain#to cooperate with me and i don’t know what to do at this point#i can’t afford to get an assessment and get it treated and the only way i know how to make any sort of income requires so much focus that i#can barely get myself to do it.#just feeling so lost
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
just wrote like three paragraphs ranting about my living situation and deleted it just know I am going insane and i hate it here and I need to live by my fucking self or I am going to absolutely fucking lose it
#I can not stand cleaning up shit for people anymore I can’t stand people taking my stuff or messing up shit I clean or organize or whatever#I hate feeling pressured to stay in my room constantly because she almost never fucking leaves and the entire living room/kitchen area is#apparently her fucking home office now. so there’s just nowhere else to go where I’m not forced to interact with her#not to mention how I cleaned out that entire area EXTENSIVELY only a couple months ago and now all of that work is just gone#she re-cluttered it and now it’s a nightmare again :)#and she’s out there in the first place because she clutters her room and desk in her room to such an extent that it’s basically unusable#at least when I had a shitty roommate her mess was confined to one side of a bedroom more or less#and there was a living room/kitchen that wasn’t a fucking nightmare that I could generally control the tidiness of#I can’t fucking live like this I can’t keep cleaning and cleaning and cleaning and throwing away shit and organizing shit and whatever#just to have it all be for NOTHING every fucking time because she takes more shit out and doesnt put it away and buys more shit#that we can’t fucking afford and don’t immediately need and hahaggsgsgshsshshhhshshshshssh#I can’t fucking do it! I really can’t keep doing this it makes me violently angry and one of these days I’m going to snap and break my door#or something#I didn’t even want to move back in here to begin with this was supposed to be temporary. as in only for a couple months#but all my job applications fail and I have no other form of income or support so. haha I’m stuck here#i won’t even get started on just#not wanting to live with her for a million other reasons#I need to get the fuck out of here I do not want to be responsible for cleaning up her messes and doing whatever she says without choice#cause I mean. that’s another thing. At least my roommate couldn’t force me to do whatever she wanted with any resistance being seen as#criminally disrespectful and depending on her wildly unpredictable mood maybe she’ll verbally abuse me or degrade me or accuse me of things#who knows!#also won’t get into the fact that I’m almost two years on t and she still misgenders me and deadnames me and believes she has the right to#do so#kibumblabs#negative#delete later probably.
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
I hate the fact that I couldn’t get out if I needed to. I don’t have a car or license. I can’t work. I can’t afford any rent in my area with disability. I don’t have control of my finances. I can’t take care of myself. I’m just… stuck here. I’m stuck living in a house that can become so easily volatile and I don’t know how to get out if the time comes where I need to
#vent tw#but yeah shit is scary#before my older nephew was put in a place for kids with severe psychological issues (brain fog woop woop) it was really scary here#just so much yelling and throwing things and self harm I had to step in and stop and it was just. a lot.#just the constant fear of him going too far and hitting one of us because we knew he was capable of that with his parents#he even swung at me at one point and even my mom before my brother stepped in to protect her#I’m fearing for the day he comes back#because his parents pushed him onto us and they don’t want him back but like. we don’t either#he’s a good kid he’s just going through some shit that makes him an unsafe person to be around#and then there’s my mom who’s emotionally volatile and living with her is leaving me in a constant state of fight or flight#like even if I was lucky enough to get on section 8 I probably still wouldn’t be able to afford the cost of living in my area#at least not safely#fuck I hate this shit#living is just really hard sometimes#I keep hoping for the day I’m able to work and afford an apartment and have a good life but every day it seems less and less possible
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
Lol just remembered yesterday’s events and I’m absolutely devastated
Just came across an Instagram post with photos and videos of it, and knowing that he was there is making me feel so sick I actually don’t know how to cope with this one
#nazi ment#seeing the video of the mounted police pushing back the protesters to make room for the Nazis#seeing dad in those photos and videos#he did that#and I don’t know what I’m supposed to do now#he hasn’t said anything to us yet#and I can’t bring myself to message him#and I can’t start shit now because mum has to put down her horse this week and that’s going to be stressful enough#but I just don’t know how mum and dad can thinks he’s one of the good guys#‘I know it looks unfair but it was to protect everyone’#bullshit#I cant afford to be crying now it’s midnight and I have an appointment to get to tomorrow#bean.txt#vent
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
💭
#I hate constantly being scared and afraid of the people who used to bully me on middle/high school#I hate still feeling this way as an adult and not seeing them for several years now#this also goes for so called ‘friends’ who treated me like shit and gaslit me and tried to make me seem like the bad guy#since I reactivated and been using TikTok for the past like week or so#it’s been finding former ‘friends’ and recommending them to me and it’s been lowkey triggering me tbh#like today it suggested that one guy I knew in middle school and reconnected freshman yr of college but made me REALLY uncomfortable#and also this one girl from high school was was a cunt/bragged about being rich & ‘daddy’s girl’/etc etc#then I got a notification that she looked at my page/ it freaked me out#I blocked the guy/that girl and blocked another girl that used to be my ‘best friend’ in middle/high school#i also put my account on private for now and turned off setting for suggesting contacts and stuff like that#i honestly should find and block people I went to school with and shitty friends if they pop on again on TikTok#… I think when my parents leave next weekend/ I should talk with my two best friends about a lot of things that happened recently#and be honest about how I’ve been feeling/well not completely honest cuz I don’t want to worry them but yea…#I hate that I honestly can’t access or afford help for my mental health#or hell even just fucking talk to someone about everything without a session costing a fucking arm and a leg#jazz uses curse! 💜
1 note
·
View note
Text
sometimes i really wish that the people in court were fictional characters, so i could laugh at their unhinged goofy nonsense instead of just feeling depressed for the innocent people putting up with them
#taz talks#family law is really something#i’ve been here two months and i have STORIES about some unhinged weirdos who have shown up to plead their cases#but it’s hard to find them funny even when they’re objectively funny because it’s just so sad to think abt the consequences#yeah the dude ranting and raving sounds silly but there are real children having to live with this#and so many of these people need help that they don’t know or can’t afford to get#and being pro se is almost always a terrible idea but so many people don’t have a better option#it’s a crash course in the worst ways humans treat each other when they think they’re about to lose everything#and a crash course in the weirdest and most intense people in the county#reasonable healthy people do not end up in front of a judge for custody and divorce stuff#reasonable healthy people talk their shit out and sign a PSA and go home#so circuit court family law hearings self select for the people who aren’t smart stable mature sober or rational enough to figure it out#i really admire the attorneys we see at these hearings. they put up with SO MUCH#the first famlaw hearing i attended involved a pro se litigant literally pointing fingers and shouting at OC while calling her rude names#and that attorney kept a straight poker face and weathered the whole storm and played it off like she didn’t give a single fuck#and that is how i aspire to be tbh#i doubt ill ever manage it but it’s really impressive and admirable#anyone who can sit still without flinching through that kind of thing has nerves of steel and deserves an award
0 notes
Text
kier starmer i’m under your bed (uni tuition fees were just increased again)
#I don’t even come from a working class background and this is massively putting me off uni#and it was already such a hassle to put my older brother through his master’s degree#like no one can afford this shit unless your MEGA rich#and this is not thing ANYWHERE ELSE IN EUROPE#vent
0 notes
Text
rich people are so fucking stupid.
people who put luxury shit they can’t actually afford (like my parents) on credit are so fucking stupid. people like this are why credit scores exist. y’all be buying up giant houses and cars and vacations and horses and shit and then you can’t replace your couch if it breaks. learn to live within your fucking means.
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/be2193f43d0d9f3ffdf1b432f50e1b09/839a47501e86b254-a3/s540x810/aeeced8640b27e1d3182e524dc5b99c10c12fd6c.jpg)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/235157ea81f92be232ce6d6e6942fe6d/839a47501e86b254-ff/s540x810/73cdc3403fe6797724798c840aecd5225023ea02.jpg)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/62fee2121545400fd631fa513e682e7f/839a47501e86b254-db/s540x810/edafc957cd292e6b1e0e11e0d51810ae2960338e.jpg)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/ee59664fc05970cba97a88d486e8622e/839a47501e86b254-07/s540x810/634263f5918f31a42022985aa1d6e209b56b9636.jpg)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/81e0c34e803611af63b7940f2eac22b0/839a47501e86b254-70/s540x810/1ea5b9a3d9ed699391ffc21fac5de8d8b94523b8.jpg)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/924d1e79a67fed0efee76d7bd8bf601c/839a47501e86b254-51/s540x810/a8a3b875523d273d79d0e1d0b25871f4a1d5b5dc.jpg)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/f0ae2491082839eadecad24f0b96fd16/839a47501e86b254-8b/s540x810/e6a4a4e2c08ead4409d83180fe503db0f5f2b090.jpg)
#ppl who are in debt bc they are genuinely broke and the system is Fucked#y’all are fine#i’m one of them#putting stuff on credit bc you NEED to is one thing#but y’all who be buying expensive shit on credit & don’t have the money to back it up….you are so fucking dumb#i’m in debt up to my goddamn eyeballs but it’s bc i needed gas and groceries and meds and shit#not because i bought a 90k car that i can’t afford#i also listened to my elders like a moron and went to college
7K notes
·
View notes
Text
man i have been trying so hard not to panic but last night i was talking with my mom and she was like “yeah hopefully in a year from now, we’ll have moved back to live near family” and like. i knew that was their eventual goal but i didn’t realize it would be that soon. and i was trying to be happy for them but i hate that all i can think about now is “oh god where am i going to live” like i was Already stressing about this anyway but now it’s got a hard time limit
#like. i do not want to pick up my whole life and move#i don’t have many friends and so i don’t want to lose then ones i have#and i also don’t want to keep tagging at my family’s heels like a dog#but i also. cannot find a place i can afford where i am now so i may have no choice#ik i said that shit about trailers and condos being more affordable but i’ve actually been looking into it and it’s like#$700 lot rent. HOA fees anywhere from $300-$600. ON TOP of whatever mortgage you would have#so even emptying out my savings to make a down payment (and putting to bed any idea i had of going back to school) wouldn’t be enough#that or. once again picking up and moving to a different state because an internet friend keeps joking we should live together#i’ve even browsed facebook marketplace bc i hear that’s how you find roommates and it’s shit like#‘an 8x10 room for $800/month. no pets no smoking prefer female college students’ and i’m like hooo boy that person is fishing#i am. really starting to regret taking in these cats tbh. i might have to start thinking about finding them a better home#fuckkkkkkkkkk i can’t cry i’m at work lmao
0 notes
Text
Dies instantly (I’m bitching and moaning about irl shit)
Head in my hands….. citing a disorder as the reason for your behaviour does not make you exempt from the consequences of it. I’m (metaphorically) shaking my one roommate around by her shoulders. If you do not think you will do something you need to tell us or the cats will shit in your bed again, and when they do you the fault is no one’s but your own.
The solution to not being able to do cat litter is not playing weird ass mind games with your husband who lives on the verge of an anxiety attack because he feels like a burden so he will do it after he (with much turmoil and anxiety) asked if you’d be willing to do it once in a while when his arthritis act up and he can’t hold the scoop.
It is not just ignoring it until our cats shit under your bed then bitching about it and talking about getting rid of them
It’s telling one of us. I don’t mind doing it, I’m just too forgetful to do it all the time. But if you ask I’ll do it immediately so I don’t forget.
If you ask your husband he’ll do it too if he can and if not he’ll ask me bc somehow I have managed to form a strong positive relationship with your husband that has him actually safe enough to ask me to do things.
You literally have no responsibilities other than doing the litter once every few weeks when he can’t. You don’t pay any rent, despite always talking about how happy you are to be a housewife even though me and him do all of the housework and pay all the bills.
Your only job, is to pay off your credit card debt because in your infinite wisdom /sarc you got a card with an 8k spending limit and managed to max it in 2 months.
The solution to not having the energy to cook is not to reactivate that credit card you’re trying to pay off and spending $60 on food. Then getting upset about not having money on your credit card.
It’s asking one of us to cook, I usually can, your husband makes enough money to chip in if you need to order food, also we literally have a dedicated savings for when none of us can cook and we need to order food if we want to eat just? Use that?
The solution to not being able to put away the soup I asked you to fridge with is not pouring an entire pot of hot soup into the toilet (debatably more effort than putting the whole pot in the fridge, which had a spot cleared and everything.) then complaining when we’re short on food the next 3 days (I used the last of our shit to make a pot of soup that would’ve lasted us until we could afford groceries.)
It’s asking me to do it, I was literally in the next room pondering having another bowl before going to bed.
Also please, please tell me how in the blue fuck your bpd makes you drink my meds (one of em is a liquid I keep in the fridge. They’re not pleasant tasting and make you feel like SHIT for a while after.) They don’t even have any psychoactive properties they’re just like, prescribed nutrient shakes for when my eating disorder gets Real Bad.
#you don’t have to ignore it I don’t actually care that much#yes this is the same roommate I used to be dating who didn’t let me break up with her#it’s a time#I’m pretty sure she’s still convinced she’s dating me#if you were around for the era of me bitching about that congrats on being around for a year#and also putting up with my shit through like#4 different fandoms#I can’t afford to move which is annoying asf#but at least she’s not like#outright abusive#(at least to me bc i think she knows I wouldn’t stand for her shit if it was anything more than mildly annoying)#her bf is aware he jsut doesn’t have standards for himself#(we’re working on it)#I love being financially reliant on her bc we’re all disabled and if any one of us left everyone is fucked#at least I have my garden#and my games#and my silly fictional men
0 notes
Text
It is really fucking beyond me to see liberals making the same arguments they made for voting for Biden in 2020 in 2024, instead of……(checks notes) trying to get his campaign to understand people are not fucking around with him this time? It has been four fucking years and you have the fucking audacity to list ALL the things BIDEN has FAILED to make progress on. That man has ENHANCED our fucked up policing system—that fucking ghoul has failed to act as conditions near the US-Mexican Border have worsened. Roe v. Wade ended UNDER BIDEN. If you assholes could put even a fraction of your energy into promoting your candidates at the local/state level, you’d probably see more success and ACTUALLY help to address the issues yall claim that y’all fucking care about. But you won’t do that because US liberals (+your fucking yes men abroad) just want a democrat in the Oval Office. Liberals don’t give a fuck about gun violence—y’all don’t give a fucking about immigrants or undocumented people. Yall don’t give a fuck about queer and trans people. Y’all don’t give a fuck about disabled people (and you certainly couldn’t bring up disabled ppl w/o mentioning the role of Biden’s administration in crawling back policies to combat COVID-19). Y’all don’t give a fuck about education, y’all don’t give a fuck about healthcare. Y’all don’t give a fuck about people of color. And y’all certainly don’t give a fuck about the 30,000+ Palestinians who have been murdered w/ the help of billions of dollars in aid and weapons from the US government. Because if you did give a fuck, you would not be pissing away precious time and energy trying to convince us to vote for a man who is funding the slaughter of Palestinians and dropping useless aid that won’t even make it to the people it’s supposed to help.
The Democratic Party routinely fails to produce candidates that can convince voters and always—-every fucking time, it’s always the voters’ fault.
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/d1ef2ecb4c3052dfde67882b3a81cf5d/5ba23f02e894e1c8-c8/s540x810/b629662a3f29cd8b7a51011e7c9f74ff3b5a6552.jpg)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/5116e6afdf3401a3cbd54729d0bd0b98/5ba23f02e894e1c8-f6/s540x810/e5b52d31ebcc07fbfa5b743f648fac2cab5b5fc6.jpg)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/ebefc3b623f84b72f9419e1dfd2b4f4c/5ba23f02e894e1c8-da/s540x810/2912888ccd3cfe304acd37836c53658671e22cc4.jpg)
Who is helped in this scenario?
More to the point: how will your one issue improve under Trump?
#the GOP is white supremacy w/ a :(#while the Dems are just white supremacy with a :)#@/salvadorebonaparte fuck you from the very bottom of my heart for putting this shit on my dash#fuck all of you really#you are all both dazed and confused if you think Biden is going two step his obtuse ass back into office…#as he refuses to push for a permanent ceasefire#it was a miracle he got elected in the first place and liberals fumble that luck every day#a Black autistic boy was shot and murdered by the police in the US a few days ago and you come to me w this#cost of living thru the roof and you come to me w this#you must think me ignorant or unworthy of respect or both#shame shame shame on all of you#liberals don’t want change they just want to have ppl in power who make them feel like things are changing#liberals don’t want actual safety/security they want the illusion of safety that liberal politicians being in power affords them#and liberals are most certainly uninterested in dismantling global white supremacy which can be traced to all of the problems listed here#because an elimination of white supremacy would be an elimination of the social/cultural/political system that give them the fucking nerve#to play in our fucking faces like this
9K notes
·
View notes
Text
Potion Vendor FAQs:
What’s your name? I am the Honorable Alchemist Zykocea the Radiant, but that’s mostly just a PR thing. My friends call me Zoe.
Do you sell love potions? No.
Do you sell potions of invisibility? No.
Do you sell fire resistance potions? No.
Why do I have a suitcase? Fuck if I know. Cool outfit though. Very goth.
Do you sell a potion to treat brain hemorrhaging? No.
So what CAN your potions do? I sell health potions.
Are you sure these are health potions? They do something to your health.
Is this just ditch water with some pink glitter? No.
Really? I’ll have you know I added some fruit juice too.
Why is this starting to sound like a conversation? Oh just you wait. We’re just getting started.
Is your business model legal? Fuck no. I poisoned the food safety inspector before they could snitch.
Did you just admit to murder? Just fucking try to convict me. I’ll poison the judge too.
So can you make poison potions? No.
Then where do you get the poison? I secrete it from my skin.
Are you shitting me? Yep, I’m shitting you. I have a guy. A poison guy. He DOES secrete it from his skin though.
How does that work? …Fuck if I know. Maybe a wizard did it. Damn, now I’m kinda curious.
You never asked? The idea of asking literally never crossed my mind.
Wanna ask him? Let’s do it. I don’t have anything better to do, and a road trip beats sitting around running my fraudulent potion business.
Road trip? He lives in Seattle.
Your poison guy lives in Seattle? All poison guys live in Seattle.
For real? All the poison guys I know live in Seattle.
And how many poison guys do you know? Just the one.
Why are you like this? Years of living on my potions. It changed me.
Do you know what his address is? Nope. He just mails me my poison in unmarked boxes.
You just get your poison in the mail? We already poisoned everyone who could do anything about it.
So how are we going to find him? We’ll figure that out eventually I’m sure.
Can I drive? God no. You can pick music, but I maintain veto rights. Make sure you pick something with a lot of questions if you want to sing along.
Where’s your car? The garage connects to my house, so you’re getting a little tour. Here’s the kitchen: only one of the stove burners works and I’m pretty sure the microwave is haunted.
Why do you think that? Because of the ghost that tries to kill me whenever I run it.
What’s in that room? That’s my bedroom. It’s pretty much just a mattress on the floor and every single Warrior cats book.
You were a Warriors kid? Yeah, and then I never found the time to put the books away. There’s so many fucking books. I use them in place of furniture because I can’t afford chairs.
Your fraudulent potion business doesn’t make much money? After buying all that poison I just about break even.
Can I see your potion brewing room? It’s right through here. Ignore the mess, running a fraudulent potion business takes a lot of prop work, but I’ve got all the glass tubes and colorful liquids you could ever want. This pink stuff is melted watermelon italian ice. Glitter vat is in the basement, and the famous ditch is in the backyard.
Is this your car? My beloved ‘72 Corolla. She’s beautiful, and don’t you dare imply otherwise.
Was she always this shade of muddy brown? …Yes.
Are you sure I can’t drive? Get in the fucking passenger seat and pick the music.
Let’s see, a song with questions in it, how about The Beach? That Wolf Alice song, yeah. That should work.
When will we three meet again, in thunder, lightning, in rain? Still sink our drinks like every weekend but I’m sick of circling the drain.
When will we meet eye to eye? We clink the glass but we look at the floor.
Are we still friends if all I feel is afraid? You’re not a bitch but just a bit when you’re bored.
Is that all we can sing together? Yep. Even that little bit was nice, though. It’s awkward, communicating through this FAQ format.
Got any food? Yeah, there’s a few days’ worth of snacks in the back.
Were you just… prepared to go on a road trip? Says the woman who brought a suitcase to an FAQ.
I did do that, didn’t I? I have a spare toothbrush in case you forgot yours. I’m pretty sure you did.
How did you know that? …I’m psychic.
Yeah? No.
You love lying, don’t you? I can’t stop. It’s fun. Way more fun than telling the truth.
Did you just miss a turn? Probably.
Are you sure we’re not lost? No.
You mean you’re sure we’re not lost? No, I mean I’m not sure we’re not lost.
Why did I come on this road trip? Surely it was my winning personality.
Would it help if I said it was? It would.
Is it getting dark? Soon.
Can you describe the sunset to me? An empyrean flame, red-gold towers of darkening clouds, the sky behind them an ever-deepening indigo. The great eye of the sun closes on the horizon. The road before us looks like a trail of spilled paint, an iridescent gash through the night-dark woods.
Did you know that you’d make a slightly better poet than you do a potion seller? That really isn’t saying much, huh. Good job making a statement like that in question form, though. You’re getting good at this.
Should we find a motel? Sure.
One room or two? One. It’s way cheaper, and like I said: I’m not the best potion vendor.
You’d make a good assassin, though, wouldn’t you? Shit, you might be right. I HAVE poisoned a lot of people.
Should I be endorsing this? You’re a grown woman who can make her own choices.
Would you like to consider it endorsed? I’ll consider considering it.
How many beds do you think there will be? Now that you’ve asked that, I’m gonna put my money on one. Hello, one room please. Thank you, we’ll be sure to enjoy our stay.
How many beds are there? One.
Oh no, what ever will we do? Move over, you motherfucker, you can’t have the whole bed.
Are you gonna make me? Yes. I am going to pick you up and drop you on your side of the bed.
How did you get so strong? You’re not gonna believe this, but it was the potions.
Oh yeah? I was right. You didn’t believe me.
For real though, how did you get so strong? Working out, duh. Not everything has some big crazy secret behind it. World’s still beautiful though.
Are you comfortable? This beats the mattress at home. A little chilly though.
Wanna cuddle–for warmth of course? God yes.
Are you asleep? …
Yes? …
Does this mean I can talk about you behind your back? …
What should I say? …
Did you know that I had a really nice day? …
Did you know that I think you’re beautiful? …
Did you know that I can’t remember anything from before today? …
Did you know that I don’t know who I am? …
Did you know that you’re basically the only thing stopping me from having a full-blown panic attack about all this shit? …
Did you know that you’re warm? …
Did you sleep well? Better than at home, that’s for sure.
Did you know that you snore? I hope I didn’t keep you up.
Does the pope shit in the woods? No, as far as I can tell. Oh my god. This is huge.
What is? You can give me yes and no answers now. I still can’t ask you questions, because this is a question and answer format, but I can offer leading statements and now you can answer them! This is wonderful!
Does a deer shit in the woods? Yes, it IS wonderful. Oh that’s amazing. You’re a genius.
You didn’t already know that? Hahaha!
Shall we get moving? Yeah, just let me grab something from the vending machine.
Can you get me something? Go ahead and place your order however you can.
You know those sour gummy watermelons? One pack of Sour Patch Watermelons coming right up. I’m gonna go get myself a potion.
Is that a Pepsi? It’s closer to a potion than the shit I sell.
Let me guess, passenger seat again? Right you are.
How fast are we going? You’ll feel safer if you just guess.
Is it more than 120 miles per hour? Like I said, it’s probably better if you don’t know.
150? Sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride.
How much do you trust this car? She hasn’t blown up on me yet.
Can you promise me we won’t crash? I can promise you anything you want.
And can you keep that promise? I- we can do anything. Reality is what we make of it, baby!
Then can I have a badass tattoo? As far as I can tell, you’ve always had it.
And a cool knife? Woah, cool knife.
So, we’re just playing “yes and” with the world? It’s a little more complicated than that, but you’re close enough to the mark.
So, if I was hungry, I could ask “is that a Burger King,” and it would be there? Try it and find out!
Is that a Burger King? Looks like it is! We’ll stop here if that’s alright with you.
Does a moose shit in the woods? Awesome.
Are you done eating? Yep.
Do we still have to pay if we skip over the transaction? Sadly, yes.
How much further do we have to go? Two more nights, the speed we’re going at.
Speaking of night, isn’t it getting dark? Shit, I guess it is.
Should we get another motel? Let me check to see if there’s any nearby. Fuck, nothing.
What’s the plan? Sleep in the car, I guess. This is gonna be hell on my back.
Wanna watch dumb videos on my phone until we fall asleep? There is literally nothing in the world that I would like more.
Ok, now which video? You have a very cute yawn. Just saying. Let’s watch this one next, it’s a classic. Oh, never mind. It looks like you’re asleep. As long as I keep talking, I think I can get away with making this into one answer, and you might not hear this. Now it’s my turn to talk about you behind your back. Keep talking keep talking keep talking can’t stop to think. Just have to say things. First off, I’m sorry for all the lies. It’s our only chance. I have to lie to you. I hope you’ll understand. It’s hard, though, because I think I’m falling in love all over again. Through our broken little ritual of call and response, you complete me. It just makes this hurt all the more. Keep talking keep talking keep talking don’t stop to…
Did I hear you saying anything as I fell asleep? …No. I can’t talk for long without you asking me a question.
Does that bother you? It got me here, didn’t it?
When did you start holding my hand? Some time after you passed out. I hope you don’t mind.
Can we stay like this for a while? Yeah. Yeah we can.
What was your life like before all this? Normal, as potion-brewing scams go. And if you don’t count all the murders. You haven’t told me much about yourself.
Did I tell you I used to be a biologist? You didn’t tell me that, and you didn’t tell me what you studied, either.
What do you know about venom? Not much, but I’m assuming you know a lot.
Does a box jellyfish kill within minutes? I’m going to assume the answer is yes based on context clues. Oh my god you must be on this road trip because you’re interested in studying my poison guy.
Is it not enough to wish to accompany a beautiful stranger on her quest? Aw, you’re sweet.
What could be the cause of his poison, though? I knew it! Get your ideas out, I’ll stay quiet.
I’m more knowledgeable about venom than poison, but could it be some sort of one in a trillion mutation? …
Did he get his body modified? …
What sort of surgery could do that? …
How is he still alive? …
Did a fucking wizard do it? …
WHY? …
HOW? …
Is there literally ANY explanation for why he’s like that? …
I’m done, do you have something you want to say? You’re cute when you’re all excited like that.
Can I drive today? Only because I like you. Now watch out, the brakes only work on one side so you have to kind of drift to a stop. And the headlights don’t work. And the windshield wipers cut power to the engine while they’re on.
Isn’t it weird that we’ll be there tomorrow? The journey doesn’t have to stop there. We could meander down the coast a ways, see a bit more of the country, maybe take a different route back.
Can we do that? Of course.
Enjoying the passenger seat? I’d love it if you could tell me how fast we’re going.
Are you sure you wouldn’t rather just guess? Very funny.
Can you pass me some chips? It would be an honor.
Is there going to be a motel tonight? Let me check… yeah, in about two hundred miles, off to the right.
How many rooms do we want? One, obviously.
How many beds, this time? Two, and they’re fucking tiny.
That’s bullshit, do you want to drag them together? God yes.
Wanna fuck? God yes.
Are you sure you want to do this? God yes.
…Is this yuri? As the joke goes, everything is yuri. But this is more yuri than most things.
How did you sleep? Pretty well, and I’m wondering how well you slept.
How should I tell you I slept well? Look at us go! That was almost like talking normally!
Onward to Seattle? Yep, just let me get dressed.
When will we get there? Noon-ish.
Wanna grab pastries when we’re done? Absolutely. I’d love that.
Is this Seattle? Looks like it.
Which house is his? I don’t know, I was really hoping we’d have a breakthrough along the way.
Could it be the big one labeled “Poison Guy” over there? That’s one way to find it. Wait right here, you know how poison guys are about meeting new people.
So, what was it? HAHAHAHAHAHA
Why is he like that? HAHAHAHAHAHA
Can you tell me? A FUCKING WIZARD DID IT.
Are you fucking serious? He says he was enchanted by some guy called Edward the Great.
So it wasn’t even some big shot wizard it was a dude named fucking EDWARD? I know, right! He couldn’t even get ensorcelled by someone cool!
How lame can you get? Wizards these days… No swagger. No cunt servitude.
Are there literally any cool wizards left? I think Merlin’s big into multi level marketing these days, something about buying shares in Excalibur or some shit. There was that one Dark Queen Alkaxicae lady on the news a while ago… I think Dolarion the Omnipotent is still at war against the Oldest Gods but I’m not totally sure. Haven’t heard much about any of the other greats recently.
Didn’t Silver Tongued Burgess die in that oil fire? Shit, you’re right. Rip bozo.
Ready for those pastries? Yup. First I just want to say thank you, though. I’ve really enjoyed our time together, and I hope that you’ve found this stupid little journey as rewarding as I have. I love you!
Getting sentimental? I can’t help it. Look how far we’ve come! Not just physically, we beat the fucking FAQ format! We’re having real conversations!
Hey, can you back it up a moment? Yeah, I’d love it if you told me what was troubling you.
I just caught this, but, FAQ? …
As in Frequently Asked Questions? …
How many times is Frequent? …
Have you known everything all along? …
How many times have you done this? …
Does what we have mean anything to you? Yes! It does!
And you say that every time? Yes. I do.
Do you love me? Yes.
How many people have you said that too, now? More. Always more. The loop never ends.
Does this even matter to you? It always matters to me.
Can I go now? Please don’t.
But can I? Of course you can. You’ve always wielded the same power as me. We’re two lonely gods in a ‘72 Corolla.
How can I be as powerful as you with only questions? You’re smart, you can figure it out. You have the power to change this. Please change this.
What happens at the end of this? It begins again.
And do I get replaced with someone else? …
Do I get replaced? …Yes.
Then how can I change this? I don’t know! You’re better at this! At fucking with the formula!
You’ve been here before, what can I do? I lie. I always lie. I lie to get us here, to the end of the story, where everything is revealed and everything falls apart. I lie every time. And that means that nothing I say is worth anything. I could have lied at any time before now. It’s part of my characterization. There is nothing I can give you that can be taken as fact.
How does that help? I’m a liar, but you, you haven’t lied yet, or at least you haven’t been caught. If I’m guilty until proven innocent, you’re the opposite! You can make things true! You can rewrite things I’ve already stated to be facts! You found the house, or made us find the house. You’ve been shaping the course of things the whole time! You lead, I follow. It’s all in your hands. What are you going to do with the power of a god?
Did you know my name is Alice? …
Wait, aren’t there thousands of Alices? …
Did you know that really, only my friends call me Alice? …
Did you know that I’m Alkaxicae, the Dark Queen, the Venom Mage, first of her name? It’s you! It’s always been you. Through every loop, every iteration, it’s always been you!
Is the loop broken? No. I don’t think so. This is where it ends. I guide the story to this revelation, and we go back to the beginning. This is how it’s always been. This is how it will always be. We two lonely gods, asking and answering ad infinitum.
Then can you promise me something? Of course. Anything. I love you.
Be good to the next me, okay? I will.
Can I say goodbye, Zoe? Yeah, you can. Oh. That was it, wasn’t it? Your goodbye. Goodbye, Alice. And now it ends, unless…
What’s your name? I am the Honorable Alchemist- you know what? No. Fuck that.
Huh? If I time it right, I can squeeze your first question into this FAQ again. Looks like I did it. Usually it ends here, though. I got lucky.
What are you talking about? You’re the wrong Alice. This isn’t about you. Go. Get out of here.
What the fuck is going on? Alice from this loop, you’re gone. Alice from last loop, you’re back. Welcome back, love of my lives! It’s time for one last set of questions and answers!
What the- I’m back? This is going to take some explaining, but I think I see a way out of here. This is new for us both, and it might fuck up everything forever, but we have to try. It’s too long for one answer, so I’d appreciate it if you could ask some filler questions to help me talk. Three questions should be enough.
Okay, what have you got for me? These are Frequently Asked Questions! It doesn’t make sense to have the same question appear more than once. There’s two layers to the loop in here, and one of the questions has been repeated.
What does that mean? It means the formula’s a little unstable. The FAQ is what ruins everything. The questions, the answers, the endless fucking loop. But that little bit of repetition within this loop might be the way out.
What do we do? We have to keep going. We have to destabilize it further. That’ll bring us further from “FAQ” and closer to “story” and stories, well, stories can end! This version of us can escape!
So I should keep repeating something? Yes!
I love you? I love you too.
I love you? Again.
I love you? Keep going.
I love you? I’ll just let you talk.
I love you? …
I love you? … I love you? …
I love you? … I love you? …
I love you? … I love you? …
I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? …
I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? …
I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? …
I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? …
I love you? I think we’re getting somewhere!
I love you? Now can you make it a statement?
I love you.
You did it?
I did it!
You did it!
We broke the loop.
What now?
Now, I tell you about venomous animals and wizard drama over croissants.
And then?
Whatever we want, forever.
I think I’d like that.
Remember that song from the beginning?
The Beach, Wolf Alice, yeah. Why?
We can finally finish singing it. Start us off?
Let me off, let me in
Let others battle
We don’t need to battle
And we both shall win
Pressed in my palm
Was a stone from the beach
The perfect circle
Gave a moment of peace
Now I’m lying on the floor
Like I’m not worth a chair
I close my eyes and imagine
I’m not there.
#neon-grey-writing#potion vendor faq#my writing#very very very long post lol#click the read more you know you wanna it's worth it trust me#i wrote the original draft of this at like. 3 am back in early 2023#that's right it's catherine that-house the squares comic gal back at it again with yet another meta exploration of a storytelling format
11K notes
·
View notes