#and being pro se is almost always a terrible idea but so many people don’t have a better option

[sayaratyriea]

sometimes i really wish that the people in court were fictional characters, so i could laugh at their unhinged goofy nonsense instead of just feeling depressed for the innocent people putting up with them

[zevlors-tail]

Shinsou x Reader x Deku Zoo HC’s

Pairing: Poly ShinDeku x Reader/Shinsou x Reader x Izuku

Description: A day trip to the zoo with Reader!

Warnings: Established poly relationship, otherwise none. Maybe tooth rotting fluff.

A/N: First and foremost! Both boys and the Reader are in an established poly relationship, are Pro!Heroes, and are aged 21+. Bet y’all can’t guess where I went today lol. Today had hella Shinsou vibes, and of course I will forever love the green ball of sunshine that is Izuku Midoriya, so this happened. Enjoy!

A Day At The Zoo

-It’s so rare that the three of you ever end up with the same day off together, so most of the time you have to plan ahead if you want to have outings or adventures, the zoo included!

-It was Deku’s idea first. Well, not idea per se; he just suggested it in passing and you hopped on that train of thought so freaking fast! A whole day spent looking at cute animals with your cute boyfriends? Um, yes please!

-Shinsou had never been to the zoo before, so he didn’t really understand the hype at first. What exactly was the point in visiting animals other than cats? Especially when you can’t pet or hold them? But if it made you and Izuku happy, then who was he to say no?

-Izuku recommended a zoo that was a little bit farther away than your local one, but it had so much more than the typical barnyard animals at yours. He’d gone a few times himself for fundraisers and meetings but you and Shinsou had never been there before.

-So the three of you planned out a day in advance, took the day off from your respective places of work, and thus, the adventure began!

-You talked about it for weeks beforehand, right up until you were parked at the front gates. “Are you guys excited? Because I am SO excited! I’m gonna pet the goats, and the stingrays, and the sharks, and look at all the birds, and take so many pictures-!”

-The first thing you spot is the giant monarch butterfly chilling on the flowers outside of the front gates, so you already know it’s gonna be a good day. You already have your camera whipped out to take a pic.

-Izuku thinks it’s the cutest thing, and Shinsou is literally taking a picture of you taking a photo of the butterfly. The butterfly might be photogenic, but honestly, he thinks you’re the real work of art here.

-The three of you pay and no sooner than when the receipt was in Shinsou’s hand were you running off to the first exhibit, both boys trying to keep up with your pace so they didn’t lose you.

-The first exhibit had some arctic animals like polar bears and seals, which you watched for a while with a content smile on your face. The bears were up and playing around with a dented bucket and a huge rubber ball, and you got some really cool pictures of them. Izuku even managed to get a video of a seal gliding through their underwater tunnel.

-Once again Shinsou is taking pictures of you taking pictures of the animals, because he thinks it’s absolutely adorable. He has this little smirk on his face as he watches you from the camera lens. Although he has to admit, the polar bears are super cute. 

-You keep bouncing around from exhibit to exhibit. One moment the boys are watching the wolves with you, and the next, you’ve wandered over to the giraffes by yourself. Shinsou briefly wonders if they should invest in one of those backpacks with a leash for you.

-Eh, they can just use Izuku’s arms instead. At some point in the day, you’re not really sure when, Izuku just resulted in wrapping his arms around you and holding you while you’re looking at exhibits to keep you from running off. He likes to rest his chin on your head and listen to you gush about how cute the animals are.

-And when you’re walking from place to place, you can bet he’s immediately reaching for your hand to lace his fingers in yours. You end up in between him and Shinsou who also wants to hold hands with you.

-You point out all the animals, even the ones that aren’t a part of the zoo, and the boys think it’s endearing. “Awe, look at this dove over here in it’s nest! Isn’t it so cute!?”

-”Y/N, I don’t think-” He’s being good-natured about it and laughing because he finds it sweet, but Izuku can’t finish his sentence because Hitoshi is slapping a hand over his mouth.

-”Just let them be. It’s precious.”

-”Hello, Mr. Squirrel!” You probably name all of the local ducks and geese walking around, too.

-Eventually you guys make it to the aviary, and you start to explore all the bird exhibits.

-Shinsou, immediately: “It’s so loud in here.”

-Izuku seems to know little random bits of information on the birds, and really enjoys watching them fly around.

-”Shinsou,” you beg him, “can you take my picture next to this giant bird!?”

-He perks up a little after that. Also, he already took your picture. He’s super sneaky and really good at taking pics while you’re not looking. Some of the best photos he has of you and Izuku are candids he took without you knowing. Nothing terrible; they’re all literally still shots of your smiles, your eyes, or just of the two of you doing routine things. His whole camera roll is full of you and Izuku.

-After the birds, you come to the penguin exhibit.

-Penguins just so happen to be Izuku’s favorite animal at the zoo. He loves how they waddle around without a care in the world, and he thinks their black and white patterns are just so unique!

-Definitely embarrasses Shinsou by imitating the penguin walk. He’s a goofball with the two of you, you know he would! And you’re right there with him, following him around with your hands at your sides as you waddle behind him. 

-”I don’t know them,” Shinsou jokes with the people next to you. But he loves you both, you can tell by the way he’s smiling. He thinks it’s cute how the two of you act like this together...in a dorky way, but still.

-Finally, you guys get to the aquarium. The moment you step through the door, Shinsou is practically mesmerized by the fish. He’s never seen so many before; there’s so many colors and shapes and sizes...

-He feels peaceful while he’s watching them swim around.

-You like all the really weird fish. Izuku likes the tropical ones with all the crazy colors, and Shinsou...

-He loves the moon jellies. The second he stepped in front of that tank, he was gone. You and Izuku just watch him for a moment as he relaxes his shoulders and stares into purple tinted waters, totally serene and carefree.

-Izuku takes a 2 minute long video of him bc the moment is just so precious. RIP anyone else who wanted to look at the jellyfish today, bc Shinsou’s literally been there for like 10 minutes now

-Shinsou decides he really likes the zoo after that. Every other exhibit is much more enjoyable and he’s in such a better mood. Not that he was in a bad mood when he first got there, it’s just that he didn’t see the point in all of it at first. 

-Izuku also spends a while looking at the sea turtles, which happen to be his second favorite animal.

-You guys spent the most amount of time in the aquarium no thanks to Hitoshi, but you did manage to make it to the museum before it closed for the afternoon as well.

-Izu reads all the plaques out loud to the two of you and tells you all about the animals and displays. Some of them are interactive, and you can’t help yourself from pressing every single button and listening to the noises and information it gives you.

-There’s a section in the museum where you can pet stingrays. You had never done something like that before, and neither had the boys, so the three of you decided to give it a go.

-It was so soft.

-Stingrays feel like wet velvet, almost. 

-Izuku decides he’s done so he just ends up taking pictures of you and Shinsou. But soon you’re done too so you grab Hitoshi to leave, however-

-You and Izuku are walking away and suddenly: “Uh, Y/N? Wasn’t Shinsou with you?” “No, I thought he was with you?” “Where’s our boyfriend!?”

-You turn back around and he’s still there petting the stingrays. He’s SO fascinated, please don’t make him leave. He’s having the time of his life! It melts both of your rapidly beating hearts (you know, from the mini heart attack you had bc your other third was missing for a second).

-You both let him stay there for however long he wants, and when he reluctantly leaves (finally), you make your way to the giant gift shop at the end of the zoo.

-You guys buy so much stuff it’s not even funny. Partly because as Pros, you have the money to spend, and partly because you want to support the zoo so you can come back. They always appreciate business and donations.

-Speaking of donations, Izuku whips out his checkbook and makes a huge donation to a cause for sea turtles. The zoo is super thankful and you couldn’t be more proud. 

-You’re sure that if there was fund for jellyfish, Shinsou would be donating too.

-You all end up buying each other a plush of your fav animals; Izu gets a penguin, Shinsou gets a jellyfish, and you get your favorite animal too.

-You may or may not have bought a shirt as well... It has the zoo’s museum name on it along with some really cute animals.

-All in all a really great day! 

Bonus Content:

-Shinsou wants to book another trip as soon as you all are back home. He loves the zoo now and he wants to go, like, all of the time.

-You and Izu have caught him watching jellyfish videos on youtube on more than one occasion. He finds them relaxing and can’t wait to go see the real thing again.

[margridarnauds]

Okay! This just came to mind BUT...fancast for Bres/Sreng, and your favorites of the Fomorians, TDD, and Fir Bolg, also, fan cast your favorite Ulster Cycle characters! :D

GOD I’ve thought of it a lot, and I’ve never quite come up with someone who FITS. 

Sreng-

He isn’t QUITE as beefy as Sreng should be, and I’d actually rather Sreng not be conventionally attractive. (Personally, my take on Bres/Sreng is Bres doing a Fleur Delacour and being like “I AM GOOD LOOKING ENOUGH FOR BOTH OF US, I THINK.” Personally, I’d LOVE to have it be more region-accurate, as far as getting actors from the relevant regions of Ireland to be them (so, someone from Munster for Sreng, possibly Northern Ireland for Bres, etc.) and I would genuinely love to see someone who’s not white as Sreng, provided it was done well. (Emphasis on ‘well.’) For centuries now, the Fir Bolg have been coded as POC, as writers used them and twisted them into a pro-colonization narrative (”The Tuatha dé were totally right to eradicate this primitive people”), and I would love to see a triumphant reclamation of that, especially since to this day, there’s this idea that Ireland is all white (Hint: It’s not.) But again. It’d have to be done well, and I’m not sure that would be MY take on it to tell because, as is well known and documented, I’m very, very white. 

But, Aidan Turner’s Black Irish, which fits some of the later descriptions of the Fir Bolg, I think he could do a really good job capturing the different dynamics of Sreng’s personality and his development. I think he could REALLY nail Sreng at the beginning, where he’s this young guy in a family that’s tearing itself apart but who is still devoted to his king as he develops into the king of a conquered people. 

Bres - 

I’ll be honest, I’ve NEVER seen anyone who quite fits into my image of Bres. Bres is just…TOO pretty. There’s no one who’s pretty enough to be him. Like, I’ll search for “Hollywood’s Prettiest Actors” and get “Hollywood’s handsomest actors” and see Chris Hemsworth’s face and I’m just like NO. DON’T YOU SEE? If you can picture him cutting wood outside a log cabin, that’s not BRES. 

Personally, I see Lee Pace MORE as Elatha (and again, I’d rather someone actually FROM Ireland play Bres), but he’s also the closest I can come to Bres. On one hand, he’s 40 while Bres is…young when everything begins, but I think he could really sell the snark factor, and come the actual time period for CMT…he would be about the right age, even though Tuatha dé…aging…it’s complicated. But still. Closest thing. And it wouldn’t be the first time we got someone playing a character half their age. 

Fomoire - 

Indech-

Look. I tried to resist it. I really did. Especially given that he looks next to nothing like the actress I’ve ALREADY cast as his daughter. But like. MADS MIKKELSEN AS INDECH. I REPEAT: MADS MIKKELSEN BEING PROBABLY THE MAJOR VILLAIN OF THE TEXT, NEXT TO BRES AND ELATHA.He was going to either HAVE to be either Balor or Indech, and Balor’s…actually not that bad a guy, all things taken into account. Indech, though? Holy SHIT. And he could be BONE-CHILLING. Imagine him saying Indech’s line about grinding the Tuatha dé’s bones to dust, while Bres kind of just looks at him like “This is what I signed up for.” Him killing Duirgen as in the Dindsenchas poem, but doing it almost casually, the same as him swatting a fly. 

Indech’s Daughter-

I will give you a hint to how MUCH I want Katie McGrath as Indech’s Daughter (who I have many, many feelings about at any time of the day despite her brief appearance): There have been times that the only reason I keep on with my WIP is JUST because I know she’s not getting any younger and I NEED to see her there. THE SNARK. THE SCHEMING. And, in my ideal adaption of CMT, we’d see more of her relationship with her brother(s), father, etc., and I think that she could sell it. Do I think her acting is always the best? …Not really, BUT at the same time…KATIE MCGRATH AS INDECH’S DAUGHTER. PLEASE. 

Ochtriallach - 

It is surprisingly hard to find a Scandinavian actor under 40. HOWEVER, I think he could do a good job, even if most of the Vikings style decisions make me want to pull my hair out. We KNOW he can play brutal characters, and Och is…brutal, though I would also want to show a softer side when it comes to his sister/Ruadan. I’m just going to have to accept that the Indechson family is one of those families where no one looks like each other (and where one of them is slightly more…Irish than the other two).

Tethra- Gerard Butler 

Tfw your sister wants to marry some random ass mortal from Ireland, aka the country that you tried to invade, like, two thousand years ago, and Bres is on his bullshit and all you want to do is go fishing. 

Balor - 

Because redheaded Balor IS a hill I’m willing to die on. Just give Kristofer Hivjuan eyepatch and we’re good to go. 

Cethlenn -  

Look, I KNOW “I think you’d do a good job playing a character named ‘Cethlenn of the Crooked Teeth’ who is also the grandmother of one of the main characters in the story” isn’t what EVERYONE would want to hear, especially when she’s not THAT much older than her prospective grandson, but…I think Myanna Buring could do it. (And anyway, aging is fucky with immortals, so)

Indusa - 

Can anyone ELSE play Bres’ only daughter? 

Ruadan - 

Because I’m almost out of young, ginger Irish actors. 

TDD - 

Eriu- 

Alyssa Sutherland. I could REALLY see her rocking it, just from what I’ve seen in Vikings. Eriu’s an interesting figure, and I don’t think she gets enough credit for being the equivalent of a single mother in a society that…while you have different types of marriage, so Bres STILL has inheritance rights with Elatha…there was definitely a stigma. Especially for raising a son who NO ONE knew the father to. (It’s left ambiguous, but my personal read on the text is that Bres was raised by all the women and that Bres was kept out of the loop as far as who his real father was, hence why he asks Eriu later on.) I also would LOVE to see her as the years go on, watching as Bres and Elatha’s relationship breaks down and being in the state of not being able to help her son, because it seems like any choice she makes just drags him closer to his doom, and I think she could really show that, and really give us an Eriu with spirit. 

Bríg-

Look, I’ll be honest here: Bríg is NOT my favorite character. It’s not that I HATE her per se, it’s just that I get rather sick of hearing about her all the time and about how she was SO OPPRESSED by her TERRIBLE ARRANGED MARRIAGE to Bres. (Note: We have NO IDEA why they married, when they married, or how long they were married. There’s a LOT of info you can fill in the blanks on. People take a lot for granted, not least being that Bríg would be the ONLY one who hated being married to someone she didn’t love and was vastly incompatible with.) Like, she has VERY LITTLE to do in terms of the actual myths, she’s not as well-documented as Bres, she doesn’t have as much of a PERSONALITY as Bres, and yet I have to hear about the self-insert version of her 24/7 while people trash my son. 

BUT MY BITTERNESS ASIDE: Bríg…we get very little on her, and so I’m not going to fill in more than needed, but she’s highly associated with the aristocracy of skill. Think of it: Doctors, poets, smiths, ALL of them are the top, top, top of the social ladder in terms of skills, and she’s patroness of all of them. It’s not said whether she dabbles in them herself or not, but she’s obviously interested, and I think Eleanor Tomlinson is very good at being upperclass when needed, even though people most know her as Demelza from Poldark. I also think that, judging from the rest of her career, she could do a very good job showing that kind of gut wrenching grief she shows at Ruadan’s death. (The way I picture that scene going down, it’s BRUTAL, with Bríg being devastated for this boy she’s never really known and furious at Bres for his role in it, furious at the Tuatha dé and the Fomoire alike for their role in bringing it about.) She wouldn’t be a passive Bríg, I think she’d play a Bríg with a little more agency and spark while hopefully not veering into anachronistic territory. 

I don’t necessarily like casting Bríg in particular with an English actress, but…well…she’s a good fit. 

Airmed - 

HELL YEAH SARAH BOLGER. Airmed is…a delicate figure. Like, think of it: She loses two brothers close together (Cian and Miach), the latter of whom she was prevented from even MOURNING because her father was still so insecure and bitter. She’s as brilliant as anyone in her family (keeping in mind that she’s the aunt of LUGH), but…realistically, you’d have to be TERRIFIED of being too smart, after seeing what happened to Miach. Like, the text itself doesn’t do much in terms of giving her a sense of interiority, but I like to imagine that, when her father says “And Airmed shall remain,” he leans over, gives her a fatherly kiss on the forehead, and she tries to repress a shudder. And Sarah Bolger is very, very good at playing aristocratic ladies with that sense of vulnerability while still being poised and elegant. 

Ogma - 

Doesn’t look QUITE as strong as Ogma needs to be, but I think he could sell it. He tends to do a really good job with the “second in command standing loyally by” type of roles, and I think that works really well with what we get of Ogma. 

Lugh - 

Look….Jamie Campbell Bower could rock it. I know, ANOTHER Brit, BUT…he could rock it. He has that kind of androgynous pretty boyness that’s kind of a main thing with Bres, Lugh, and Cú Chulainn, and I think he could portray Lugh as the bitch that he needs to be. Someone dedicated to the Tuatha dé, yes, but also brutally determined to do whatever it takes to make sure that he ends up on top. (Personally, I think he could be utterly terrifying during the scene at Carn úi Neit with Bres.) 

Nuada - 

I’ll be honest, my gut response was “Colin Farrell” but…I already called him for King Eochaid. And John Lynch is a good actor with a long filmography under his belt. And Nuada…he’s a tragic character, but there’s also a dark edge to him. A dark edge to all the TDD, really, and I think he could do it, as well as show Nuada’s vulnerabilities after losing the arm. (Though I’d also be willing to switch Nuada and Eochaid out.)

Uaithne, the Dagda’s harper- 

Look, it was only a matter of time before I cast Hozier as ONE of the immortals; I just thought it would be HILARIOUS if, after the battle, the Dagda is FREAKING OUT because his harpist has been stolen, and then we cut to fucking Hozier strumming out a song while even Bres looks to be having a good time, and then the Dagda, Ogma, and Lugh BURST in and there’s this “Oh shit” moment. I for one think Hozier would make a very good damsel in distress. 

Fir Bolg - 

On one hand, it would almost be a waste given how little he actually gets, but Colin Farrell would make a DEVASTATING King Eochaid. 

Tfw the TDD arrive out of nowhere and try to threaten you at swordpoint and you probably spent your younger days/your father DEFINITELY spent his younger days enslaved in Greece and so you’re sick to death of colonizers and their bullshit and then they kill you in a three on one battle but not before you leave the throne to your cousin whose brother you killed as part of a generations long feud and who is also disturbingly hot for the champion on the other side and OH MY GOD WHAT HAVE YOU DONE. 

Tailtiu- 

Actually had a devil of a time, coming down to Marie Doyle Kennedy or Elena Anaya (the latter of whom had a slight leg up for actually being Spanish), and then I remembered Ruth Negga’s existence and I was like “OH.” I’m not AS familiar with her work on other things, but from what I’ve seen, I think she could do a really dignified take on Tailtiu, where she mourns, but she has to pick herself up off the ground. Tailtiu is a survivor, she’s a woman who left Spain to be with the Fir Bolg (and Eochaid), and then was left a widow, yet managed to become a fixture by being the foster mother to Lugh. (And, ultimately, by marrying Bres’ grandson, which never ceases to be hilarious to me.) I think that we could get a multi-facetted side to her, dealing with her in issues of state as well as her personal life. (I would KILL for some Tailtiu VS Sreng arguments when they’re making the decision to leave or stay.) 

Ulster Cycle:

This will be considerably quicker given I’m not as attached to it as my mythological peeps. 

Blathnat - Evanna Lynch 

My girl. My angel who deserved so much better. Personally, I think Evanna has this…kind of distant, “out there” vibe, which is probably mostly because of knowing her as Luna, and I think that really suits Blathnat. 

Emer- Tamsin Egerton

And yes, ANOTHER English actress. For an Irish/distantly Scandinavian noblewoman. know. I know. But LOOK, she looks very…Emer-ish to me.  

Aiden Gillan - Bricrui or Forgal the Wily 

The man’s made a career being devious and cunning on TV. This is perfect. 

Uathach - Freya Mavor

Aífe - Eva Green

In all fairness, THIS time I didn’t cast an Irish character with a Brit. I just…cast a Scottish character with a French actress. But look, my girl deserves JUSTICE. And I believe Eva Green could give it to her. 

[pensurfing]

Tearing Down Other Illustrators Does Not Make You A Better Illustrator.

The title says it all. But you’d be surprised how many mutuals I have that just get a sick kick out of “giving critiques that destroy a person’s whole being” simply because “it happened to them”. 

[[Jesus where to begin where to begin? Maybe disclaimers? Sure. At some point in the post, it will go from my calm, cool, collected tone to “I will cut a bitch’s throat”. If it hurts your feelings then that means the kitchen is too hot for you (probably because you do said nonsense) and now you gotta leave. Go sit, cool off, and then maybe try again. Probably when you’re a better person.]]

Let’s take it back to school:

In school, I failed at being a girl: mainly because I just failed to do ‘girl code’ things because I questioned it a LOT. Some girl code things make sense mind you, but not all of it. One of the girl codes that I questioned was “why are we being mean to the other girl if she didn’t DO anything and especially if she didn’t do anything to you?” Bam. The new target, me. It wasn’t anything I was ashamed about, I just don’t see the need of tearing someone down because they sit outside of your normal. Basically, the undertone of this experience is this: As a girl, if you made fun of other girls, it somehow magically made you prettier and more desired by your crush.” But you learn in grade school that this is not the case, and you especially learn in high school that this made you “a bitch”. Now fast forward a bit, looking back as an adult what were you supposed to learn from this? Girls pick on other girls usually when whatever little power they have is being challenged. Girls can also pick on other girls simply because they find the other girl pretty as well and this causes yet another inferiority complex. It will usually continue for a while simply because no one wants to question the ‘status quo’. 

Why did I bring all of this into play?

As an illustrator, there is such a thing as a genuinely great critique. Great critique states things APPRECIATED about the piece; things that can be better about the piece; and solutions to the piece that the then illustrator can then either use as advice or just take it as the critique it is. 

Then there’s just what I will call ‘straight bad-mouthing critique’. Nothing good to say about the piece, the person actually sits there and asks did the artist put eFfOrT into it. Tells them to just ‘draw more’. And some that just ‘rip the art to shreds’. Nothing good or positive. Said person will even go on to just insulting not only the piece but the artist and their character.  How did we go from ‘the piece in question’ to just calling the artist a terrible person for attempting to draw a ‘insert whatever it was here’? 

I do not give out the perfect critiques. Where someone will see ‘bad anatomy’ I’ll see ‘an attempt at foreshortening, and if they just...’ and I could go on. I see a bright color palette and warm tones in someone’s portfolio, someone else will see it as “you use to similar of colors and you need to get better at setting the mood with color in your pieces.” A difference of opinions is one thing, and it is up to the artist in question to decide which is more helpful. This is a different case and is USUALLY inspiring to create more variety to demonstrate your skills. What I no longer think I can tolerate is just words that do not fit into the situation or critique at hand. 

I have examples: 

I went to a portfolio review and had my artwork looked at by some professionals in the industry. (More professional than my...attempts... LOL! i’M a pRoFeSsIoNaL.) The main push for this was a couple ‘critiques’ that just weren’t helpful, useful, or even good. 

I had five pieces presented to said ‘it’s a coin flip’ critiquers: Designs, Finished pieces, Sketches, WIPs, Roughs, I mean I gave em a LOAD to look at. I sent this to a couple groups where we bounce around ideas and I have left them all and have not regretted a single moment of it. Out of the three I sent them to, two straight up ignored them. (I’m used to my artwork being ignored by my peers at this point. I haven’t gotten any feedback whatsoever to where now I just assume they do not like my art style and just choose to not say anything because it’ll come out wrong.) One group only made the comment that not only rubbed the wrong way but in a way took down a community(?) “It looks furry erotica. Only they would like this.” ((Paraphrasing, but only slightly. The tone towards furries was something I was not ignoring.)) Do not use furies as some group to be looked down upon. And if they’ll like it then dammit I’m printing it. I’m an equal opportunity money grabber here babe. 

“Hey Cait, her leg looks a bit short.” “Hey Cait, the colors here are awkward.” anything along these lines that actually were wrong with the piece could have helped. 

I don’t draw NSFW stuff (I should at this point. It’ll be my step before becoming a stripper.) But no other comment besides that per se doesn’t help encourage or fix what could possibly be wrong. I’ve had a share of bad critiques, but this one was just useless. I stopped showing my pieces in WIPs and rough stages because I just genuinely didn’t get good feedback EVER. It came off as: Caitlin your ideas are slipping, they suck... Caitlin this is just another black girl, what’s your deal? Well damn sway, sorry my black ass drawing black ass art is bothering you. I almost was sick of it. 

Now here is the portfolio review time by pros:

I go to it thinking “I’m just going to get my portfolio reviewed. No way am I good enough to stand in line for the job fair(s) going on.” So I got my reviews, the results? “Hey, I see you really enjoy backgrounds and telling stories with your finished pieces. Why don’t you draw more interiors so that way it cohesively harmonizes together better? It does great now, but you’d do pretty well adding more interiors.” “Wow, your linework is so crisp. Have you tried this technique? You have with recent pieces, great! Lets network.” “Your color choices are breathtaking. Here’s a tiny corner where your craftsmanship failed a bit, try buffing up this corner a bit.”

Good critiques, useful stuff! I was so pumped you know what I did? Went to the job fair half. My results? I have piles of individual business cards and personal. My professional network grew. (I guess I should log in and add things to Linkedin huh?) and I got a single big toe wet. (Not a foot in the door, not feet wet, just that one toe. But hey, ripples start waves. And as a surfer, you just gotta wait for the perfect wave ok?) 

I hadn’t gotten a good critique since college. In college, I will commend my professor for teaching this: How to give a good critique. Did some of my colleagues forget how to do this step? Yes. Do some forget that it isn’t their piece of concept and you can’t make someone DO anything? You bet. But it’s just a shame how with mutuals it’s “Caitlin your art isn’t great and is too black.” versus the reviews and studios that gave me the thumbs up and said, “call me later, otherwise I’m calling you later.”

Now do I think there is a slow “status quo” complex going on in my mutuals because now I’m no longer the sucky drawer? Yes and that’s a new rant for a different post. Does tearing down my artwork help theirs get better? Hell nah fam. They don’t even practice what they preach. 

I said all of this to say: I can’t stand people in ANY group of friends, art group, a community who does this. I can not. What do you benefit? Did your house get bigger? Is your butt bigger? Are you prettier? Is your artwork studio quality? Did a pile of money just land in your lap? 

No. It never works that way.

I started this habit to test out my theory and only one friend has caught on; that one still has my respect. After getting a bs critique, I’ll always ask how a person is doing and they’ll go on about how their day-to-day isn’t as good as usual. The one friend that caught on and I quote: “Woah Cait, I’m sorry. I took my frustration on you, let me look at this on another day when I’m in a better mood.” And guess what? She did. Gave a USEFUL critique and we moved forward. 

Sometimes if you're not in the mood to critique DO NOT DO IT.

I repeat:

If you are in a bitchy mood, do not destroy someone because your life sucks and you wanna take a massive shit on someone else. Doing so isn’t going to fix whatever is wrong in your world. It isn’t going to give you a large sum of money and isn’t going to make you a better illustrator. Do not take the phrase “tearing down the ‘competition’ so literally.

“Caitlin, are you sure you’re just bad at getting critique?” 

Nah. I’m bad at taking BS critique and pointless comments anymore and said critiquers themselves are just upset that I’m no longer being a doormat for whatever is wrong in their life. Other illustrators feel the same way too. 

“Caitlin, why do you look for critiques and get mad at people who don’t give good ones?”

Anyone in any field can acknowledge the fact that when you stare at something too long, you start to blur the object in question together. Is it finished, are there major flaws? A simple solution is just getting a fresh set of eyes to look it over. In any aspect of life: choices you made, something you’re prepping to cook, a document you’re writing, and guess what? A piece someone is drawing. It is a prosaic and even instinctual action to share and express ourselves with others for a response. Look at all the billionaires who invented social media. 

We as a community need to start treating each other better. And when someone asks for a critique, follow these instructions that were on so many damn elementary school walls but cleARLY we need these put somewhere again.

Be better dolls. Be good and make good choices. This is the last text post I’m writing today. 

TRD: There are some people who still don’t think before they speak and I see it too often in my own life too. So I’m saying something about it. A reminder for something you learned in grade school: Being mean to other girls won’t make you prettier just like tearing down other illustrators and their artwork won’t make you a better illustrator. 

[purplesurveys]

275

Another one of these because there’s nothing like looking back at your most traumatic years and opening up about them in a room full of strangers. [Elementary School] Do you still remember any dreams you had a a child? Nope. Young or old, I’ve always forgotten most of my dreams upon waking up. What was your favorite game to play back then? I played tons of Filipino games. I’m listing them down even though nobody would know how they’re played–patintero, Chinese garter, 10-20, piko, ice ice water, langit lupa, luksong tinik, and lots of clapping games. Everyone also played dodgeball in grade school. How many best friends did you make through the years? My best friend was constantly Angela even though she made many friends herself and put me aside when we were kids. She has always been my go-to. I was always shy as a kid and so I never made another best friend. How many enemies? Ugh, there was this girl named Niña who was just a huge pain in my ass. She was a consistent bitch and man, she was the devil. Her mom was a complete sweetheart so I don’t know what happened to her. Did anything tragic happen to you when you were little? Yeah, alcoholism ran in my family and it gave me a twisted view of alcohol and family life up until I was around 18.

Did anything absolutely amazing happen? There’s this water resort called Club Manila East that we frequented almost every weekend. I felt like a kid there, made temporary friends, and swam to my 5 year old heart’s content. Its quality has degenerated over the past decade or so and I haven’t been there in that time frame, but I’ll always remember it as one of the places I’ve had the most fun in. How was your relationship with your parents back then? Fine but I’ve always been a little distant with them since they never tried to build a relationship with me. My mom’s position at work then didn’t allow her to be at home whenever I was so I never saw her nor bonded with her. My dad has worked abroad since I was 2, so the same thing happened. Did you believe in cooties? No. That was never a thing here. Did you ever get a cootie shot? A what now??? What was your favorite snack to eat? Oreo O’s and Twix, when they were still flower-shaped. Local junk food was also a favorite of mine. Did you own any pets during this time? I did. I had tons of goldfish. We had chicks a couple of times, too. The house we lived in wasn’t conducive for dogs (too cramped) so we didn’t have one. What was your personality like? My family didn’t really encourage me to try new things, make friends, or explore at all...so growing up, I had no idea how to be and as a result I had virtually zero personality. I was a very shy kid with zero creativity, and was too afraid of people to try reaching out. What was your favorite song[s]? The entire High School Musical soundtrack was my jam. What kind of toys did you like to play with? I liked toy soldiers more than Barbies since I grew up with male cousins who had the former, as well as robots and other action figures. I also played with any kind of set–kitchen set, dollhouses, doctor’s toy set, makeup set, etc. and cash registers since they had so many options to play with. The Play-Doh factory was great fun, too. [Middle School/Junior High] How did your personality change from Elementary to Middle School? My humor became so much darker, even to a worrying extent. I guess it was a result of all the traumatic things that happened in my old house + start of my depression + all my friends migrating to other countries + being isolated from my entire batch because I liked pro wrestling and metal bands at the time + my mom giving me an increasingly difficult time. I started making surveys around this time and one would see the sociopathic answers I used to give; that’s all because of how terrible middle school was. Everyone was fake, puberty killed your moods, and you're struggling to know who you are, what you want, and what you’re supposed to do. What was your favorite thing to do during this time? Staying in my room alone. If I was in school, then I liked staying by myself. I barely talked in this period. I had no friends either. Who were some of your closest friends? Angela but during this time she found other people who were more stable than I was, so I was temporarily alone for a time. I did not become friends with Gab until the seventh grade. How often did you get involved with Middle School drama? I was mostly invisible except for that one weird time in sixth grade when rumors were spread that I was in a relationship with Andi. Just the fact that someone was willing to start a rumor about me was strange in itself hahaha I was such a boring person. The rumor died quickly, and nothing about it was dramatic at all. What kind of "clique" were you in? Or did you not beleive in cliques? I hated the idea of cliques, and I wasn’t in one till late high school. I was literally all by myself. I didn’t even form or join a group with the other loners; it was just me. How did people treat you? I was virtually nonexistent to so many people. Gabie had no idea who I was until we met, even though I knew her since we were 4. Do you look back on these years fondly? Not one bit. Fortunately my brain did me a favor and removed a huge chunk of middle school, so when I try to look back on it, I hardly see anything from that time at all. What was your typical kind of lunch during school? I don’t remember anymore. What school[s] did you go to? I went to an Assumption school in the Philippines. Was it really as bad as some people say Junior High is? At least in my experience, it was. Did you like to read? I did. I read a lot and it was partly why everyone chose to ignore me: because I always had a book with me. What was one good memory you have of this time? Meeting Gab and having my life subsequently get better and easier. Were you still enemies with someone from elementary school? Yes. I haven’t talked to her in nine years. If you could go back and change one thing, what would you change? Let’s keep it simple: for my depression to have never formed in the first place. [High School] Are you still in High School? No, I graduated two years ago. Who were some of your close friends? Athenna, Angela, Sofie, Gabie, Katreen, Hans, Fern, Kaira, Aaron, Chelsea, Eva, Rap, Raf, Jez...man they were a lot and I can’t list them all. We were a riot in high school. Who were some of your enemies? I had no time for enemies in high school. How did your personality change from the previous years? I became more open; for some reason it just happened. I learned how to talk to people. And then it became I wanted to talk to other people. I didn’t want to be all by myself anymore and spend all my weekdays in crippling isolation. Having friends became fun, and it made me look forward to going to school. My days became brighter. Going in, did you really think they were going to be the best 4 years ever? I didn’t think it was going to be the best per se, but I just stayed optimistic about it since I thought I could start off with a blank slate. Were they? (or are they if you're still in High School) Definitely. I grew up a lot, went through a lot, sweated and cried a lot, learned a lot. Things happened that could have only happened in high school and never anywhere else. What's one memory of High School can you look back on and grin? All the times my friend group broke the rules, made a mess, and laughed it off. It’s not high school without some suspense and being a dick once in a while. Did you ever cry while you were in school? Yeah, whenever I got a letter to be given to my parents explaining that I failed a test. I’ve always been grade conscious so those letters hit me super hard. How was your love life? I was crushing on Gabie for most of it. People teased me about Mike and for a time I did consider it, but he was ultimately not my kind of person. How was your social life? Rich. Extensive. Healthy. Did you have any teachers that you just absolutely loved? Yes. Did you have any teachers that you just absolutely despised? Yes, and they all hated me back too. Shoutout to Ms. Tin who was always mega bitchy to me! How were/are your GPA? We don’t have GPA. I did graduate with like a 93. Did you know anyone who got pregnant? No. [There's no time like the present] Do you currently have a job? Nope, I’m only in college and I’m not really qualified for a job until after I graduate from university. What kind of job do you *want* to have? Something that’ll allow me to utilize my skills, obviously. I want to meet new people, but not too many new people that it would give me anxiety everyday. What do you like to do on your free time? These days I like hanging out at Skywalk and talk to my orgmates. Watching videos and eating out has also been my favorite things to do recently. What's your relationship with your parents now? Strained. It never got better from childhood. Do you own any pets? Yup, I’ve had a lovely dog for the past ten years. How many places have you traveled to? Too many to count. We go out of town all the time and I’ve been to several countries as well. Do you own a cell phone? If so, what kind? Yeah, I have an iPhone 8. What are your goals for the future? Get a job and save enough money to move out and subsequently survive on my own. What's your favorite kind of drink? Milkshakes always get me. Did you ever get into the Twilight saga craze? You bet. What about the Harry Potter craze? No. Where is your mind at: The Past, the Present, the Future, or all around? I’m too obsessed with the future. I want to get there already. What's a really good movie you've seen recently? I haven’t seen any new ones in a while. Are you happy where you are right now? Like I said in a previous survey, I’m never happy but at least I’m not asking to die today.

[clubofinfo]

Expert: Despite tremendous hardship which the Venezuelan people are having to face, despite the sanctions and intimidation from abroad, President Nicolás Maduro has won a second six-year term. Two weeks ago, at the Venezuelan embassy in Nairobi, Kenya, where I addressed several leaders of East African left-wing opposition, an acting Charge d’ Affaires, Jose Avila Torres, declared: “People of Venezuela are now facing similar situation as the Syrian people.” True. Both nations, Venezuela and Syria, are separated by a tremendous geographical distance, but they are united by the same fate, same determination and courage. During the Spanish Civil War, Czech anti-fascist fighters, volunteers in the International Brigades, used to say: “In Madrid we are fighting for Prague”. Madrid fell to Franco’s fascists in October 1939. Prague had been occupied by German troops several months earlier, in March 1939. It was the blindness and cowardice of the European leaders, as well as the support which the murderous fascist hordes received from populations of all corners of the continent, which led to one of the greatest tragedies in modern history – a tragedy which only ended on May 9, 1945, when the Soviet troops liberated Prague, defeating Nazi Germany and de facto saving the world. More than 70 years later, the world is facing another calamity. The West, mentally unfit to peacefully end its several centuries long murderous reign over the planet – a reign that has already taken several hundreds of millions of human lives – is flexing its muscle and madly snapping in all directions, provoking, antagonizing and even directly attacking countries as far apart as North Korea (DPRK), China, Iran, Russia, Syria and Venezuela. What is happening now is not called fascism or Nazism, but it clearly is precisely that, as the barbaric rule is based on a profound spite for non-Western human lives, on fanatical right-wing dogmas which are stinking of exceptionalism, and on the unbridled desire to control the world. Many countries that refused to yield to brutal Western force were recently literally leveled with the ground, including Afghanistan, Libya and Iraq. In many other ones, the governments were overthrown by direct and indirect interventions, as well as deceit, as was the case in the mightiest country in Latin America – Brazil. Countless “color”, “umbrella” and other “revolutions” as well as “springs” have been sponsored by Washington, London and other Western capitals. But the world is waking up, slowly but irreversibly, and the fight for survival of our human race has already begun. Venezuela and Syria are, unquestionably, at the front line of the struggle. Against all odds, bleeding but heroically erect, they stand against the overwhelmingly mightier force, and refuse to give up. President Hugo Chavez “Here no one surrenders!” shouted Hugo Chavez, already balding from chemotherapy, dying of cancer which many in Latin America believe, was administered to him from the United States. His fist was clenched and heavy rain was falling on his face. Like this, died one of the greatest revolutionaries of our time. But his revolution survived, and is marching on! I am well aware of the fact that many of my readers are from the West. Somehow, particularly in Europe, I cannot explain, anymore, what it really is to be a revolutionary. Recently I spoke at a big gathering of ‘progressive’ teachers, which took place in Scandinavia. I tried to fire them up, to explain to them what monstrous crimes the West has been committing all over the world, for centuries. I tried and I failed. When the lights went on, I was drilled by hundreds of eyes. Yes, there was an applause, and many stood up in that fake cliché – a standing ovation. But I knew that our worlds were far apart. What followed were pre-fabricated and shallow questions about human rights in China, about “Assad’s regime”, but nothing about the collective responsibility of people of the West. To understand what goes on in Syria and in Venezuela, requires stepping out of the Western mindset. It cannot be understood by selfish minds that are only obsessed with sexuality and sexual orientation, and with self-interest. There is something essential, something very basic and human that is taking place in both Syria and Venezuela. It is about human pride, about motherland, about love for justice and dreams, about a much better arrangement for the world. It is not petty; in fact, it is huge, and even worth fighting and dying for. In both places, the West miscalculated, as it clearly miscalculated in such ‘cases’ as Cuba, Russia, China, Iran, DPRK. “Patria no se vende!”, they have been saying in Cuba, for decades – “Fatherland is not for sale!” Profit is not everything. Personal gain is not everything. Selfishness and tiny but inflated egos are not everything. Justice and dignity are much more. Human ideals are much more. To some people they are. Really, they are, trust me – no matter how unreal it may appear in the West. Syria is bleeding, but it refused to surrender to the terrorism injected by the West and its allies. Aleppo was turned into a modern-day Stalingrad. At a tremendous cost, the city withstood all vicious assaults, it managed to reverse the course of the war, and as a result, it saved the country. Venezuela, like Cuba in the early 90’s, found itself alone, abandoned, spat at and demonized. But it did not fall on its knees. In Europe and North America, analyses of what is happening there have been made “logically” and “rationally”. Or have they, really? Do people in the West really know what it is like to be colonized? Do they know what the “Venezuelan opposition is”? Do they know about the consistency of the terror being spread by the West, for centuries and all over Latin America, from such places like the Dominican Republic and Honduras, all the way down to Chile and Argentina? No, they know nothing, or they know very little, like those Germans who were living right next to the extermination camps and after the war they claimed that they had no idea what that smoke coming up from the chimneys was all about. There is hardly any country in Central or South America, whose government has not at least been overthrown once by the North, whenever it decided to work on behalf of its people. And Brazil, last year, became the ‘latest edition’ of the nightmares, disinformation campaigns, ‘fake news’ and coups – being spread with ‘compliments’ from the North, through local ‘elites’. You see, there is really no point of discussing too many issues with the ‘opposition’ in countries such as Venezuela, Cuba or Bolivia. What has to be said was already pronounced. What goes on is not some academic discussion club, but a war; a real and brutal civil war. I know the ‘opposition’ in South American countries, and I know the ‘elites’ there. Yes, of course, I know many of my comrades, the revolutionaries, but I am also familiar with the ‘elites’. Just to illustrate, let me recall a conversation I once had in Bolivia, with the son of a powerful right-wing senator, who doubled as a media magnate. In a slightly drunken state he kept repeating to me: We will soon kick the ass of that Indian shit [president of Bolivia, Evo Morales] … You think we care about money? We have plenty of money! We don’t care if we lose millions of dollars, even tens of millions! We will spread insecurity, uncertainty, fear, deficits and if we have to, even hunger… We’ll bleed those Indians to death! All this may sound ‘irrational’, even directly against their own capitalist gospel. But they don’t care about rationality, only about power. And their handlers from the North will compensate their losses, anyway. There is no way to negotiate, to debate with these kinds of people. They are traitors, thieves and murderers. For years and decades, they used the same strategy, betting on the soft-heartedness and humanism of their socialist opponents. They dragged progressive governments into endless and futile debates, then used their own as well as Western media to smear them. If it did not work, they choked their own economies, creating deficits, like in Chile before the 1973 Pinochet’s coup. If that did not work, they’d used terror – naked and merciless. And finally, as the last resort – direct Western interventions. They are not in it for ‘democracy’ or even for some ‘free market’. They are serving their Western masters and their own feudalist interests. To negotiate with them is to lose. It is identical with playing the game by their own rules. Because behind them is the entire Western propaganda, as well as financial and military machinery. The only way to survive is to toughen up, to clench teeth, and to fight. As Cuba has been doing for decades, and yes, as Venezuela is doing now. This approach does not look ‘lovely’; it is not always ‘neat’, but it is the only way forward, the only way for progress and revolution to survive. Before Dilma got ‘impeached’ by the pro-Western bunch of corrupt freaks, I suggested in my essay that was censored by Counterpunch but published by dozens of other outlets world-wide, in many languages, that she should send tanks into the streets of Brasilia. I suggested that it was her duty, in the name of the people of Brazil, who voted for her, and who benefited greatly from the rule of her PT. She did not do it, and I am almost certain that now she is regretting so. Her people are once again getting robbed; they are suffering. And the entire South America is, as a result, in disarray! Corruption? Mismanagement? For decades and centuries, the people of Latin America were ruled and robbed by the corrupt bandits, who were using their continent as a milking cow, while living in the repulsive opulence of the Western aristocracy. All that was done, naturally, in the name of ‘democracy’, a total charade. Venezuela is still there – people are rallying behind the government – in terrible pain and half-starving but rallying nevertheless. It is because for many people there, personal interests are secondary. What matters is their country, socialist ideology and the great South American fatherland. Patria grande. It is impossible to explain. It is not rational, it is intuitive, deep, essential and human. Those who have no ideology and ability to commit, will not understand. And, frankly, who cares if they will or not. Hopefully, soon, both Brazil and Mexico – the two most populous nations in Latin America – will vote in new left-wing governments. Things will then change, will become much better, for Venezuela. Until then, Caracas has to rely on its far-away but close comrades and friends, China, Iran and Russia, but also on its beautiful and brave sister – Cuba. Evo Morales recently warned that the West is plotting a coup in Venezuela. Maduro’s government has to survive another few months. Before Brazil is back, before Mexico joins. It will be a tough, perhaps even bloody fight. But history is not made by weak compromises and capitulations. One cannot negotiate with Fascism. France tried, before WWII, and we all know the results. The West and its fascism can only be fought, never appeased When one defends his country, things can never be tidy and neat. There are no saints. Sainthood leads to defeat. Saints are born later, when victory is won and the nation can afford it. Venezuela and Syria have to be supported and defended, by all means. These wonderful people, Venezuelans and Syrians, are now bleeding, fighting for the entire non-Western and oppressed world. In Caracas and Damascus, people are struggling, battling and dying for Honduras and Iran, for Afghanistan and West Africa. Their enemies can only be stopped by force. In Scandinavia, a Syrian gusano, who lives in the West, who smears president Assad and gets fully compensated for it, challenged me, as well as the Syrian ‘regime’ and Iran, during the Q/A session. I said I refuse to discuss this with him, as even if we were to spend two hours shouting at each other, in public, we would never find any common ground. People like him began the war, and war they should get. I told him that he is definitely paid for his efforts and that the only way for us to settle this is ‘outside’, on the street. Venezuela and Syria cannot fall. Too much is now at stake. Both countries are presently fighting something enormous and sinister – they are fighting against the entire Western imperialism. It is not just about some ‘opposition’, or even the treasonous elements in their societies. This is much bigger. This is about the future, about the survival of humanity. Billions of people in all parts of the world have been closely following the elections in the Bolivarian Republic. There, the people have voted. President Maduro won. He won again. Scarred, bruised, but he won. Once again, socialism defeated fascism. And long live Venezuela, damn it! • Originally published by New Eastern Outlook (NEO) http://clubof.info/