#they do fascinate and scare the shit out of me tho

[stillfrownyclownlol]

Gonna throw up If I can't talk about them-

Bunch of Aiden analysis under the cut because he's just SO OBSESSED CODED AND NOBODY TALKS ABOUT IT 😭 (I will be very weird about it)

The way it's so doomed from the start. He's already so fascinated by her. It's in the little jump he does when she sits in front of him, like a secret they're both in on, like her sitting in front of him is some obscure way of her inviting him into a conversation.

Why is he like this (not positive but not negative either)

He has such a cocktail of personality traits and, most certainly, mental disorders, and his own history that makes it so, when he's in love, that it WILL blow up in his face.

The fact that he's been homeschooled for his entire life- he has no idea. HE DOESNT EVEN KNOW. He doesnt realize that its not normal. of course he doesn't :( His parents obviously leave him alone for long stretches of time and he doesn't seem to mind this. He hasn't had the chance to develop his social skills at all-

It's why he's so, let's be real, creepy. Ash makes it very clear she's not interested and he just keeps worming his way into her life. He plots so that she'll go on the field trip, he follows her around, he goes to her fucking house on the first day. LIKE, HELLO? RED FLAG?

He's having evil thoughts here I swear 💀

And already so quickly after meeting her he makes Ash his priority. He asks to sit next to her, he engages and makes an effort to talk to her. Tries to joke around with her. Gives her a nickname. Touches her. He's so touchy.

And defends her!!! When Tyler gets pissed at Ash, he honestly goes off on him even tho he KNOWS Ash can defend herself- and he's so...dark about it. There's a threat hidden behind his words. He's MAD here, right? Tell me I'm not crazy, please-

He also very clearly has violence on the forefront of his mind 💀 He's the first one to actively attack the phantoms; not to defend himself, not to defend somebody else (well, he pulls Ash out of the way), but for fun. And he's disappointed when they don't scream. He's sadistic, he likes causing pain, it's something he relishes in.

I mean look at how he smiles!!! None of the other kids have such an...active ENJOYMENT in fighting the phantoms, but for Aiden, it's almost like he finds relief in it, some way to vent out his frustrations. He's eager for a fight, for a thrill.

That's how Aiden sustains himself, he pretty much operates under "I'm here for a good time, not a long time." Everything he does gives him a boost of adrenaline, no matter the consequences. He got into a fight? Eh, who cares about all the bruises, at least it got his blood rushing. Broke a bone while doing parkour or smth? Whatever, the way his stomach dropped when he was falling as totally worth it.

It's a very dangerous mentality to live with, obviously. He's an adrenaline junkie. He's an addict. More than anything else, Aiden wants something that makes him feel alive.

And what makes you feel more alive than love?

Like not to minimise or anything but he's known her for like. 2-3 months- and he's already SO scared of losing her. Like I just don't think he would have had this type of reaction with anybody else besides Ben. He would have absolutely lost his shit if Ash 'died'.

He's a straight up love junkie. He's obsessive. Nothing beats the high love can give you. It overrules everything else. If Ash (or whoever he's interested in) feels bad because of smth, he's done with it.

He LIKED dying. He LIKED the adrenaline rush. But he won't do it again. Not because he had some realization that he didn't want to die, that he still wanted to live and do things, but because Ash was upset. Because this, this rush of care from her part, the way she was so scared of him dying that she was shaking, nothing could fill the hole in his heart better than that. And now that he has a taste for it, he won't let go easy. He will keep on living- if it means Ash will be by his side.

Which is a very dangerous position to put her in. Ash already feels responsible for her friends, and she doesn't even know that Aiden has "put" his life in her hands, not that it's her responsibility, because it isn't, but she will certainly feel responsible if Aiden does something FOR her.

Like He's so fucking obsessed and he doesn't even realize it- like look at how he sees her 😭 THE HEAVENLY GLOOOOOOW, LIKE SHES AN ANGEL AND HE THINKS SHE CAN SAVE HIM. BABY SHE CANT, YOU HAVE TO SAVE YOURSELF.

He could spiral so fucking bad. He could do some absolutely heinous things. Because he just doesn't know. He doesn't know how to love truly, yet. For him love really is that rush of adrenaline, the knife carving out his heart, he could be putty in her hands, or her executioner. This love that can be so obsessive, that he NEEDS it to function, like its water, like its the air he breathes. Its a compulsion, a fixation, a longing that burrows into your very soul. Ash doesn't even know what she's getting herself into-

Godddddd, it makes me so sick/ pos, it's SO FUCKING INTERESTINGGGGGG. I LOVE THEM SO MUCH.

I literally cannot function around this drawing 🫠

The. The hand. That way he's grabbing her. He's pulling her back. Towards HIM. like "this is mine. And I'm not sharing." And that little fucking look in his eyes, he just looks SO fucking pleased with himself. And Ash looks so...resigned. they're so doomed-coded, i love them so bad.

I don't know how I was supposed to NOT make a killer au, when he's just...like that around her.

Love is a wonderful thing. But love is also cruel, it is vicious, it is possessive and obsessive, and it will leave carnage in its wake.

Romantic love is an obsession. It possesses you. You lose your sense of self. You cannot stop thinking about another human being. -Helen Fisher

[weebsinstash]

When I say with my entire being in my heart of hearts that I know with certainty that this-this-this THING right here would do the absolute most unbelievable petty gross obsessive dahmer level shit to you

He's petty he's evil he's got a childlike fascination for seeing what breaks people down and I hate him I hate him I hate him but ALSO what that dick do tho? 🤔

Mahito is the yandere over here doing shit like imprisoning you for his own selfishness and perhaps genuine affection but making you live in absolute deplorable conditions because He's Not Fucking Human And He Doesn't Even Know How To Feed You. He locks you away and disappears for an entire day and comes back with like a single can of wet dog food that he watches you eat from a squatting position like 5 inches away looking at you like Harley Quinn and the egg sandwich. Motherfucker would take all your clothes because he wants to see more of "the natural shape of you" and then doesn't understand why you start shivering. Or he deliberately keeps you like that because he wants to see how long it takes you to crack and beg him for help. He wants to see the depths of your pride as you refuse to grovel, curious of the lengths you'll go, the limits of your body against the chill

This depraved fuck will do dehumanizing little emotional experiments on you where he does shit just because he wants to see how you think and feel and what you'll do and I mean like he'll do SOME REAL SHIT. I'm talking maybe he's stalking you and you can't fight or use cursed techniques and you think he's just like, a human shaped spirit or something who's just a trickster, he's not being violent or getting you alone or anything yet, and then you come home to your apartment one day and he's literally disemboweled your cat on your coffee table and he's playing with pieces of it and says you were giving it more attention than him and sits there pouting as you scream and even tries to like touch you or hold your hand or hug you with. The fucking blood covered hands. like he would be so fucked up on purpose, "awww do you need me to hold you? You're so sensitive but i dont mind :3"

This man out here like "wdym you want me to stay away from you, all I did was kill your cat kill your mom kill your neighbor kill your best friend kill your boss' cousins' landlords' newborn baby BUT WAS THAT REALLY SO BAD 🥺" and does something infinitely worse to scare/coerce you into tolerating his presence

I'm not really uh into body horror or gore but as a side detail I feel like. Uh. There's like a legitimate risk of him actually unintentionally REALLY hurting you and has to use his powers to heal you. Like the one good thing he does is if he were to have you on death's door or like horribly injured he could just. Fix it. He twists a limb in a way he doesn't know it's not supposed to go and breaks it and then puts you back together like a broken toy while ooo'ing and aaa'ing at the way your skin stretches over the grotesque misalignment. Dare I say the horror of "him putting things that are way too big or weirdly shaped in you" also yeah he's one of the things he's putting in you and he's got a really gross like fascination with learning all about that stuff

He's really living just to see how many different ways he can make you cry and how many different emotions he can get you to display, just absolutely dedicated to terrorizing you while also chasing his own internal weird repressed desire for his own sort of belonging. You could be sitting there sobbing and he's either borderline getting off on it or he's standing there MAKING FUN OF YOUR CRIES like deadass even fake crying back to you

And the worst part is he'll do all this fucking shit to you and then the night comes and he'll still be over here like "and you'll let me cuddle you while you sleep right? 👉👈" and he'll be doing that Every. Single. Night. And what are you gonna do, try and kill yourself? Have fun risking accidentally making yourself a Curse and being stuck with him basically FOREVER

[ju1cyfru1t]

Hiii pooks! 😙 I love❤️ ur writhing sm

I’ve been having such a spider man phase after watching the new spider verse movie and I was wondering what would the turtles think when they figured out reader being NY’s Spider women or spider person like they haven’t told thier turtle bf about it and stuff (live for the drama😵‍💫)

Always love you and def feel free to ignore!

I LOVE THIS thank you pookie 🤭 hope u like it 🫶🏻🕸️ u didn’t specify so I’m gonna assume you meant the rise turtles!

Rise! Leo, Mikey, Donnie, Raph x Spider-Woman! S/O

ROTTMNT x Reader

fluff! :D, fem! reader, contains swearing, not proofread

Leo

- He may not be the brightest mutant, but he is observant

- Probably interrogated the info out of you

- -> “Y/N, where exactly were you last night?” “Oh, uh…I was with, um, April.” “That’s funny…considering April was with us!”

- It didn’t really shock him to find out you had a big secret, what did shock him is what that secret is

- He’s also a little hurt that you didn’t tell him. Don’t you trust him??? But that wasn’t his biggest concern

- “Wait, so like…spider woman as in like, big mama kind of spider woman?” NO-

- You would have to really explain it to him

- But let’s be real, he still wouldn’t understand so you’d have to show him by like climbing up the fucking wall or something

- But he really does think your powers are super sick

- Laughs when you try to explain your spidey senses -> “wait, you’re serious?”

- ^ calls them your “tingly thing”

- maybe you can web his fucking mouth shut

- LOVES your suit, thinks you look stunning and super awesome

- “You know, I always said that was your color Y/N!”

- Invites you to patrol with them! (then he doesn’t have to do as much)

- thinks you’re so hot when you fight (NOT IN A FREAKY WAY YOU FREAKS) and hypes you up

- freaks tf out if he ever gets a web on him, including if you were to swing with him to get out of harms way

- doesn’t ask for them, but he can’t deny he likes the iconic Spider-Man kisses

Mikey

- would just straight up ask if you’re hiding something. Dr.Delicate touch DOES NOT PLAY ‼️

- Of course this would be something you’re hesitant about, but he would remind you that you can confide in him

- Def was not expecting THIS.

- He is asking you a million questions all at once, and will sit nicely and listen as you explain with starry eyes (stop lookin at me with them big ole eyes)

- You’re #1 fan and biggest hype man

- Thinks you’re the coolest person ever fr

- Wants to swing around on your webs with you. Around NYC, in the lair, in Donnie’s lab, on missions, it doesn’t matter he WANTS it.

- THE ICONIC SPIDER-MAN KISSES ALL THE TIME ITS HIS FAVORITE WAY TO KISS YOU NOW

- weirdly interested in your webs 🕸️

- Compliments your suit anytime you wear it around him; thinks your mask is so so cute

- ^ in his free time he’ll sketch and color new suit designs to show you (also just drawings and paintings of you in your suit)

Donnie

- isn’t going to pry any secrets from you; but he does secretly wish you’d come to him on your own.

- so you can imagine his gratitude and relief when you finally tell him what’s up

- Doesn’t really say anything about it, but he doesn’t get why you didn’t just tell him sooner. I mean, you do know he’s a hero too, right?

- he’s fascinated, he’s never seen anything like your powers before. especially because you’re not a mutant.

- really just asks questions about how it all works. Your webs, how you stick to surfaces, your enhanced senses, the whole deal yk?

- He did NOT like big mama’s webs, and he doesn’t really like yours either I’m so sorry.

- ^if he needs them, would ask to use some like he did with Big Mama’s

- It’s not you I swear he just can’t do it

- you could like climb all over his lab ceiling and walls and scare the shit out of him tho

- ^ “Y/N get down this instant! WE TALKED ABOUT THIS-“

- admires your enhanced senses and intuition of danger

- is absolutely gonna make gear for you, as well as offering to make upgrades to your suit

- wouldn’t really directly say it, but he really likes the design of your suit. it just fits you so well. (he IS going to make a purple one for you)

- would scream if you ever just dropped down in front of him to kiss him spider man style

- ^ traumatized; it’s not his favorite thing but he doesn’t mind terribly

Raph

- might take him a while to notice if something is off about you. Leo or Mikey would probably have to directly point it out for him to realize fully

- Isn’t going to beat around the bush and just asks why you’re acting lowkey shady

- really shocked, might take him a second to process even if he doesn’t really know exactly what you mean at first

- honestly he understands why you keep it a secret, just a little saddened that you kept it from him

- He’s gonna need you to really explain your powers

- “…where do the webs come out of tho?”

- would deepen your bond and connection. you can really relate to each other carrying a deep burden and the pressure of responsibility.

- AMAZING DUO with his strength and your agility

- very good hype man

- takes you on most missions and patrols, thinks you’re a really valuable asset to the team

- also calls your spider senses your “tingly thing”

- it’s not that he doesn’t like your webs, something about them just make him nervous. Refuses to let you swing him on them unless he’s in immediate danger.

- does NOT let you crawl around the lair walls, he’s scared you’ll hurt yourself

- ^ “Y/N! You’re gonna hurt yourself, GET DOWN!”

- really thinks you look so pretty in your special suit, he just doesn’t know how to say without feeling like he sounds dumb. He would DIE if it was red.

- “ I really…er, like your costume.”

- very supportive! he gets the struggle of protecting the city, but is happy you get to do it beside each other. :D

- he likes the spidey kisses, they just really fluster him

——————————————————————————

y’all I’m sorry if there is any misinformation in this don’t flame me but I haven’t seen atsv yet

[screams-of-the-damned84]

I’m completely obsessed with your TGS swap au. I need to know more!! How does Jasper’s werewolfness work? Does he have any control over his wolf form? Does he have to run away/lock himself up/etc bc he’ll attack people? Or does it just need like, enrichment and some snacks?? Does he see it in mirrors like Jekyll/Hyde? Does Rachel still bake? Maybe just as a hobby? How does Lanyon react to Hyde?? Is he just like aw hell yeah, second boyfriend to woo? Or is he offput by him so Hyde tries to woo Lanyon instead. What triggers Jekyll/Hyde’s transformations? Is it just random or emotion based or a secret third thing? Sorry for all the questions lmao!! Love your art!!!

EEEE ANSWER TIME!! :]

this might be a lil long so putting it under cut wbsvgegd

• jasper’s werewolfness! I’m thinking that the more he can accept that he’s a werewolf, the more control he has over it. however he’s not really doing a great job at the whole “accepting I now might be a monster and everyone might hate/be scared of me because of it” thing so his transformations are much more sporadic. and since he was bitten not that long ago, he’s still a little out of control when he transforms. a little more feral..? it really depends on his emotional state when going into his transformation. it’s not so much an alter ego/separate state of mind like hyde is in canon but more like a uncontrollable release of his emotions, so I don’t think he’d be able to see his wolf form in mirrors (that would be funny tho lol). he would definitely enjoy snacks and enrichment when transformed tho. puppy behaviour.

(I don’t have this entirely fleshed out and if someone else has a better idea, shoot!)

• rachel still bakes!! I’m not really sure if she’s still the society’s main cook or not but she definitely still likes to make snacks and treats for everybody.

• lanyon tried flirting with a cute guy he saw only to end up with a surprise two for one deal lmao. he initially went in just trying to woo Henry for shits and giggles but slowly gains more of a real interest/fascination with him over time. lanyon likes jekyll but is *definitely* offput by hyde. however, I think he eventually comes to like them both (in their own very separate ways). i think Robert finds it fun to try and see what tricks work on who and what traits carry over and which ones don’t. learning to love the entirety of his bf thru his two halves <3

• jekyll/hydes transformations i think are a mix of randomness and emotional shifts. they almost have a reverse arc as they do in canon? like they’re super unstable at the start but as they develop the potion and learn to work with one another better they start to have more control over it.

ty for all the questions these were very fun to answer!!! <33 I hope they semi make sense ahwggdgs. and again if anyone has other/better ideas go for it!!

[just-some-random-blogger]

Head cannons for sandor having a wife/so who’s laboring/giving birth and how he is afterwards when he sees his daughter (bc we all know he’s a girl dad duh)

WOOOO NONNIE inchresting. 🫶🫶🫶 This was super fun to do thank you for this my love 🫶🫶🫶

!!! GIRLDAD!SANDOR HEADCANONS!!!

Pre-dad Sandor would definitely be a worry wart

10x that once his wife is pregnant lmao

very much giving 'let me do it for you'

super fascinated and in awe of his wife's growing belly

Loves rubbing her pregnant belly

Would cut a fool who gets too close to her, or if she gets crowded

Is physically unable to say no to whatever his wife needs

Loveeeessss giving (iykyk) when she aches (;

Mid labor, esp if his wife is having a hard time, Sandor would be panicky as hell, but he wouldn't show it

Ya know men weren't allowed to watch births if he wasn't there he would be scared out of his mind thinking about it

Buttttt if he was there he'd not leave her side

"you're doing so well my love"

Man's accustomed to gore but feels a lil lightheaded watching her crown

Tbh I feel like he wouldn't give a fuck if he became a girl dad or boy dad, but I myself am super biased to girl dads as well

Sooooo

Post dad, or rather, official dad!Sandor would sob at the sight of his daughter

"she's so tiny 🥺💔😭"

If his baby girl ever grabbed his finger, and did the baby grip thing he would bawllllllll

He'd definitely get super existential, "this innocent darling is my blood?" SCREAMING CRYING THROWING UP

"she's so precious and pure tho" BASHING HIS HEAD AGAINST THE WALL

Yaps about his daughter 24/7

Would get matching lockets with her

"Sandor, shes a babe, she can't wear jewelry 😐"

Hangs the locket on her cott instead

Would literally bring his newborn around, showing her shit she can't even see cos her eyes haven't gotten the sight update yet?????

"LOOK ITS A HORSE!"

Baby girl passed out making faces

"LOOK AT THE SKY, MY LOVE, ITS AS BEAUTIFUL AS YOU!"

His wife sometimes watches as he explains things to the sleeping girl and thinks it's super funny

Picks flowers for her baby and puts it in her hair

Shows it to everyone who has eyes "look mah baby so cutie 😁"

Trains her to say papa from day 1 🫡

Practices braiding hair on his wife for the baby

Is super jittery when the baby cries

Does the dumbest shit known to man just to make his child smile

🫶🫶🫶

[aroanthy]

thinking about nanami and touga both telling utena not to trust anthy at the end of the series. whilst nanami and anthy being friends is something that makes me bawl like a little baby and overjoys me immensely, ive never bought a reading of nanami post-32 that is anthy positive. like idk how you could get that impression when all she does is talk about how anthy is a terrible and dangerous person. she’s scared of her. and you know she shouldn’t be, but it’s understandable why a 13 year old living in ohtori academy might be scared of someone she already didn’t like after finding out something deeply traumatic regarding them and not having the tools to make sense of it in a compassionate way. and it makes me want to eat drywall

what’s really interesting about all this to me tho is how both kiryuus tell utena not to trust ‘the chairman/end of the world or himemiya anthy/the rose bride’. anthy and akio are a package deal of toxicity and harm to both of them and if that isn’t just the most fascinating thing ever. also the difference between nanami’s ‘chairman/himemiya’ and touga’s ‘end of the world/rose bride’ (nanami giving her warning during the badminton scene, touga giving his at the end of his duel. so much going on here wrt roles and settings and rituals and reality). but getting back to my real point isn’t it so cool (agonising) how nanami and touga are incapable of extending compassion or understanding to anthy despite the fact that they’re the two people who know the most about her other than utena and akio. and like. they don’t know a Lot, but theyve both had a smidge of insight into an abusive relationship that mirrors aspects of their own lives in myriad ways

idk something about the rose bride as a symbol who bears all of humanity’s hatred. and in the end all girls are like the rose bride yes, but key word here is like. an approximation; all trapped, all agonised, yes, but not all literally fucking crucified for eternity by a million swords that shine with human hatred. not abstracted in such a particular and insidious way. i always find anthy/kiryuu parallels compelling wrt issues of race and class and mannnnnn. nanami takes a step away from the duelling game. she’s not out, but she’s not actively partaking, not actively being exploited. touga, whilst a little more overtly involved in stuco business and still meeting with akio, does also take a step away. like, they’re both able to do that. it’s a bit of an artifice, sure, they’re still here, but oh my god oh my god oh my god. theyre not anthy. am i making sense can anyone hear me holy shit

i think what im trying to say is that for everything that both nanami and touga learn about ohtori academy and the people living in it, for everything that forces them to self-reflect and question the ground that they stand upon, they fail to break the chain with it. like, they too contribute to anthy’s abstraction. she’s an idea that they secretly embody/emulate (not sure which word works better for what im trying to say just yet), and not a person who shares experiences with them but is still wholly separate from them. this kind of compassion is like. it’s too hard, when you’re in the situations that all three of them are in. anthy too perceives both of them as nonhuman, but there is a crucial power dynamic at play here. how can you stomach such a kindness to someone you can only see as a poor imitation of the worst parts of yourself, whom you loathe??

^ THIS GUY loves it when characters commit acts of extreme violence against one another that they themselves have experienced. the nanamianthytouga brand

[blue-banana-milk]

nah cause tell me why this man is my #1 brain parasite what the FUCK

okay, personal Diluc headcanos even tho Ive never played the game, shut up:

Cat person, shut up

Everyone mischaracterizes this man as an asshole and that's such bullshit

It's a front that he puts on but the moment he sees a little meow meow HE IS MELTING

If it's a kitten: is very careful and makes sure to guide them back to their litter/mom and gives them little head scratches

If it's a full grown cat: admires from affar with the urge to go up and pet them. let's them approach him as to not bother or scare off the cat

LOVES holding them in his arms so he can pet and nuzzle their little faces, it's his favorite way to relieve stress while working

bonus: has a very big soft spot for small animals in general

he has freckles, shut up, he does

he got teased for them when he was a kid and by proxy, doesn't like when people comment on them

Has burn scars that have caused severe damage to his hand and forearms, therefore wears lots of gloves and longsleves, is almost never seen without them

doesn't like taking them off and and especially not in front of others

he gives "loved school and was really good at it" vibes which came in handy later down the line

NON EXISTENT LOVE LIFE, this mf was busy on his killing spree, no time for ladies

but still upholds his gentleman virtues and treats everyone with basic respect cause he's not a dick he just is bad at expressing his emotions

He feels like the type of person to very heavily dislike the use of profanity but once HE starts using it, you know you fucked up BAD.

Bonus: is very careful with his wording around children

Speaking of kids, he can tolerate them and is kind of fascinated by them with the way they think

He's okay with not being the person the kids go up to, but on the rare occasion that one does, you better believe he is treating them so kindly and so sweetly, maybe even giving them a smile

Has adopted Donna in his mind and doesn't mind the fact that she seems to hate his guts, he still treats her kindly and respectfully, goes out of his way to protect and care for her like a big brother/dad

Same thing with Klee

He definitely donates his money, come on

he wears a nightgown to bed, COME ON

goes to bed with his hair down and wonders why his hair is all messy in the morning

Not all his scars from his years as a man on the run; some are from his childhood (aside from the mental scarring) like small scrapes or cuts from playing outside

Has a REALLY BAD habit of overworking himself but not to the point of getting himself sick/risking his health, still pushes himself a little too much tho

Has definitely fallen asleep at his desk more than once

Has definitely called Adelinde Mom/mother in both childhood and adulthood

She thinks it's adorable

THIS MAN IS STACKED AS FUCK

he is buff as fuck and forgets his own strength sometimes, especially when it's inventory day and hes moving a shit ton of boxes without breaking a sweat

uuuuuhhhhh

fat milkers, don't @ me

that's all folks

I'll probably do another one of these where's it's focused on Diluc as a romantic partner

also sorry for being so passive aggressive, I just really like Diluc :3

[arctic-hands]

Long ass post about being a sick and disabled child with pediatric imposter syndrome and inattentive and flat out ableist adults ahead. It got ahead of me but there's nothing I want to cut. No I'm not putting it under a read more. Look at my post, boy.

I wonder if my childhood fascination with wheelchairs was based in the chronic pain and exhaustion I was feeling even by the age of seven.

In second grade we had a "disability week" (tho I wouldn't be surprised if they had called it "differently abled" but I can't remember for certain) where we had disabled adults come to speak to our (allegedly) able-bodied class and the school as a whole. The ones i remember were just explaining the disability and a simplified ways to treat it and things like it's rude to stare and such. Not too too glurgy in that out of context...

...but the memories about it are def tainted by the fact that any kid who was sick or disabled was forced to give presentations on their medical conditions to "educate and de-stigmatize" the students.

This wasn't part of Differently Abled Week, we were just forced to present when we just got diagnosed or whenever the condition got noticed by anyone. The first one i saw was in first grade as a fifth grader gave all the individual classes a presentation on her diabetes. I was forced to give one in third grade after I came back from being dramatically rushed to the hospital after my heart started beating so fast and hard that you could see it thru my shirt, and after about a week out of school in another hospital in the bigger city two hours away because my hometown hospital wasn't equipped to treat pediatric cardiac problems. My third grade presentation on supraventricular tachycardia was well-received, and the school was sympathetic because all my classmates and teachers were like omg this angelic little child has a heart condition and everyone was scared that I might die 😢

... Next year's fourth grade presentation on I Shit Too Much Disease was less well-received, even as I tried to self-censor the inherently disgusting details. To add to that, my SVT had been corrected (for a few decades, it appears to be coming back after 2) by an ablation in late third grade, so the Scary Heart Explodey (not really) Disease had been tied up neatly and I was free to live as a Normal Child. But Crohn's disease was something else, something relatively new to the lexicon in the early millennium and I constantly had to explain my health to strangers as the unwilling IBD Ambassador of the town. This would be and still is life-long and particularly hard to treat (my Crohn's was once compared to brittle diabetes in the way it never did and still doesn't respond to treatment), and the sympathy of the ableds is fickle and short lasting. Even just a year after my Diagnosis, my teachers stopped caring WHY I was missing school and sleeping all the time and in the bathroom too long and only saw these as delinquent behaviors to be punished, and my classmates no longer had sympathy for the perceived special treatment I barely got and were convinced I was faking it all for attention

Anyway I'm digressing, but I did need to feel the need to give context to my school's attitude towards sick kids. Back to Disability/Differently Abled Week

...We were allowed to play with mobility aids. Yeeeah. To de-stigmatize of course, totes not to keep us occupied. At one point we played with wooden beads of different shapes to make "hearing aids" and microphones in the style of the day, and each class was allowed one wheelchair, two sets of crutches, and a few arm slings for kids to be assigned to use for half the day.

I had seen these before. There were only a few sick kids in my school and none in mobility aids, but 7 year olds do have some life experience in being in the outer world, and my hometown was a city and not insular, so I had been exposed to disabled people before. My grandmother's best friend was an old lady with a basic prosthetic foot and used a cane, and she was patient and i daresay a little proud to show it off when i was really little and we'd go to have tea/hot chocolate with her and i stared in fascination and asked innocently offensive questions. At seven I hadn't been diagnosed with SVT or Crohn's yet and my intense and agonizing leg pains had been dismissed by my pediatrician as a hysteric and melodramatic little girl's response to "growing pains" (I've stopped growing but still feel them, I'm just used to them enough after thirty years that I barely notice them unless my legs are touched). I knew about broken bones and as someone who still had potent memories of toddler ear infections that were bad enough to send me to the E.R, I had even taken a few rides in wheelchairs.

But being in a wheelchair constantly was a new experience for me, especially as this was a manual wheelchair that you pushed yourself with the big wheels in, not the hospital kind that nurses push for you. The thought of never having to use my legs was an intoxicating thought, and I had childhood delusions of being strong and muscley enough to be able to handle maneuvering it with my scarily emaciated noodle arms.

Aides were assigned by last name down the list, and the teacher just arbitrarily decided which one you'd get. My last name is fairly down the list, so I waited the better part of a week to get assigned, all the while eyeballing the wheelchair enviously as my classmates assigned to it got to play disabled in it. I wondered how to pop a wheelie in it (for the record, my immediate reaction to being given roller skates on my fourth birthday was to immediately try to do a trick jump off the porch and landed hard on my ass with miraculously intact bones and face). But mostly I was fascinated by the thought of never having to use my legs for an entire half a day. I kept my composure at school so not to be labeled a crybaby, but by the time I got home I sometimes couldn't even focus on Pokémon because my legs were too agonizing and I'd be crying. My parents were sympathetic enough to my leg pains that they bought me hot water bottles to sooth my knees and tried to get me to take my mind off it by meditating the pain away (I'm too bipolar to focus in meditation even then but everyone's reaction to my bipolar is another long ass post in the making). But they didn't care enough to advocate for me against my pediatrician, even as he ignored all my other dramatic symptoms that were beginning to become un-ignorable. It took until my heart emergency for any adult (ily Dr. Stein, my pediatric cardiologist who immediately realized I needed more help than just for SVT) to notice the misery I was in and get me the right help (ily Dr. Maizle, my first pediatric gastroenterologist and the only one who actually listened to me when i said some of the meds felt worse than the disease).

Anyway I was assigned crutches when my name was called and i nearly did finally snap and cry at school. Nearly. And the crutches (basic under armpit ones, not forearm crutches) sucked. They were painful in my armpits, they weren't adjusted to my height properly, and I fell a few times because I was trying to swing both my legs at the same time because BOTH my legs were in constant agony and I was trying to alleviate my body's pressure on them both. I had a miserable time "pretending" to be disabled, but I was the only one who complained about the crutches and so I went ignored, setting up the theme for my childhood.

This fascination with wheelchairs stuck with me and as I became a bigger kid and my body just piled on more illness and pain, but despite all that my legs were technically functional so I kept my yearning for a chair quiet for fear of being offensive (didn't know what appropriation meant back then but that was the feeling) and an actual attention seeker like my classmates accused me off. Sure, I was sick and constantly in pain, but at least I wasn't actually "stuck in a wheelchair". Could be worse. At least it's not cancer, after all.

It got to the point that by middle school i was having idle fantasies about being grievously and dramatically injured to the point I lose my aching leg(s) and thus was finally granted a wheelchair. In my darkest moments I wondered how much pain doing it myself would be in the moment, but the thing that snapped me out of crippling (I use that word deliberately) myself was that I genuinely love the feeling of sand beneath my feet and the way beach sand (I wouldn't see the ocean until my twenties, but the artifical lake we went to had sand) felt in between your toes and how my feet didn't ache so much as the hot sand conformed around them. I still kept this quiet because I knew it was crazy and was beginning to realize that I as a whole being was crazy, but I didn't want to be treated as crazy so I kept my fantasies secret.

I've lost the point I was trying to make as I ramble on about these physically painful memories but I'm going to end by saying lmfao I've been using a cane for my pain (to not great success tbh) and have been told I'll prolly need a wheelchair in the next few years. My trepidation about this is totally devoid of any "be careful what you wish for!" karma and everything to do with how infamously inaccessible the Atlantic Coast of the United States is for mobility access. The buildings are all old and pretty and no one wants to ruin the aesthetics of the rowhomes and the shops (except the liquor stores, make of that as you will) don't want to put in the money to add or replace the stairs getting up to the shops with ramps.

This is really dumb even before I started using aides, because EVERYONE can use a ramp while only SOME people can use stairs. And that's not even the end of it, if you manage to get into the shops the aisles are too small to get even a folding chair in between, and no one wants to put in the extra work to rearrange the store to cater to those seeking "special treatment". For years I thought the A.D.A had a grandfather clause that said historical buildings didn't have to adapt unless they renovate and that's why the older cities on the East Coast are the way they are. Nope, that clause doesn't exist. But no one is willing to enforce the A.D.A except SOMETIMES for federal buildings. Even some medical facilities are on stairs with no ramp. Baltimore IS in the middle of a years-long A.D.A lawsuit, but it's only for the absolutely abysmal sidewalks that prevent wheelchairs from going over them at all and makes it treacherous for canes and crutches. I see people in wheelchairs on the road more than I see them on sidewalks because it's the only way to get a wheelchair to move. Baltimore drivers are legitimately and legendarily terrifying. I wouldn't even want to ride a bike (were I still able) in the bike lanes, let alone wheel myself IN a major road. This is going to be a terrifying experience here, unless something very much changes and soon. But will the abled leaders care enough even if they're under lawsuit? I don't feel optimistic. But what choice do/will I have? It doesn't HAVE to be hard, but it WILL be because ableds don't care enough to make even the slightest change to make it easier for EVERYONE if it takes even the slightest bit of effort. See: their collective response to covid

[thequeenofsarcaasm]

It's for Fanfic Writer Ask Game, thx :

🍬💛💭🔥

Here we gooo!

Do you write for multiple fandoms? If yes, what is your favorite fic of yours for each fandom?

Haikyuu: Baby Steps

It’s a 8 chapter established relationship KageHina fic about relationship milestones (basically wants to take the relationship further but he doesn’t know how to express his desires. Then you have his boyfriend who’s literally shaking in his boots cause he doesn’t know how to say “I love you”. I wrote it during covid and it made me really happy.

BSD: They were roommates

It’s a “will they or will they not” type of SSKK fic. They live together and they’re really close to each other but they’re too scared to face their own feelings and be fully vulnerable with each other. It’s full of tooth rotting fluff and non explicit spicy content. A tad bit angsty tho.

Banana fish: Portfolio

It’s Ash and Eiji’s story through photographs. I always found it fascinating that despite hating cameras, Ash agreed to Eiji taking photos of him like all the time. I used it as a sort of character analysis for Ash. I really enjoyed writing it. Every photo has a different story and style. I didn’t know much about photography before writing it but I did a bit of research to get it right. A clair obscure piece doesn’t have the same goal as a candid shot or a bokeh etc.

JJK: This one is hard cause I’ve been writing a lot for that fandom but I’ll just choose one semi randomly. Probably Love is in the hands cause I’ve been working on it since December. It deals with heavy themes but it’s also full of humour and tooth rotting fluff. The story is full of hope and unapologetically queer characters.

Summary: After getting kicked out of his home for being queer, Suguru comes across his childhood sweetheart in a strange gay bar that is owned by his new “family”: a bunch of queer social rejects who were taken in by Yuki, an eccentric matriarch. He finds a new home (and his lost love) there.

Versailles: Masterpiece

I wrote it to cope with the end of the second season. I was 18 back then and it’s the second fanfic I ever wrote.

I’ve written for other fandoms but just one fic for each so I won’t add them. I think my first fic was a Sns one. I have one for KilluGon too. Also them kids from TR.

What is the most impactful lesson you've learned about writing?

The audience doesn’t matter. Just write whatever makes you happy. Write what want to read. Not what you think others want to read.

What inspires you and your writing?

Everything. Music, outfits, fan art, something I heard someone say, people I know, different cultures etc

The inspiration comes from absolutely everywhere. For example, I added a storyline to Love is in the hands cause I wanted to mention a piece of classical music. I wrote a whole 10 chapter stsg fic cause my friend told me I had the vibe of a Witch. I just be writing shit tbh. I don’t care if it doesn’t make sense. Imma write it if it makes me happy.

Have you included any sexy scenes in your fics? If yes, do you find them easy or difficult to write?

I love sexy scenes. I didn’t write smut until I started writing StSg but now I loooooove it. It’s super enjoyable and dare I say easy. I’m a huge sap so it helps.

Thank you so much for asking ❤️ I love you

[beheworthy]

I understand that you appreciated enough things about Love & Thunder (as in Jane's scenes, Thorjane, etc) to consider it canon, but what are your thoughts on the Thor2 deleted break up? I can't help but prefer them breaking up because of the long distance, or Jane being so overwhelmed that she "couldn't imagine a life with him" after everything, than what we got in canon. Maybe my opinion would change if I watched the movie, not sure, but I'm interested in your take on it.

*takes a deep breath* Buckle up.

1. I appreciate you saying whether I'd consider anything canon or not. Buddy, my acceptance is irrelevant. Anything Marvel puts out IS canon, regardless of how we feel about it. That's the whole entire reason I can't let this shit go. Because he's CANONICALLY drilled into the ground by Marvel with nowhere to go. And it depresses me.

2. I hate both break-up scenes because I simply don't want my OTP separated. Period. But if I have to validate any one, I'd go with Thor4 because at least its idea was understandable, the issue was its failed execution. The Thor2 breakup makes no sense and regresses their characters. The two reasons you present that the movie presents:

a) Breaking up because of long distance is such a bastardization of their magical relationship that transcends realms that I just cannot. He's not a coworker or a one-night stand she tried to have a relationship with and decided it wasn't working out. He's the Prince of the paradise in the clouds that's advanced to her realm by a millennium. He's a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity as far as boyfriends go lol. And his mother died to protect her. Why? Because she had all but accepted her as her daughter-in-law.

You don't just break up with THAT because of long distance, that's unbelievably simplistic.

b) Jane being overwhelmed that she "couldn't imagine a life with him" is also against her character because she is such a zero self-preservation inquisitive soul that was so fascinated by Asgard's advanced technology, she would be at home on Asgard. She would want to be with him and explore his magical world she's studied about her whole life.

And ok, she was so overwhelmed that she would dump him. For what? To return to her boring 9 to 5 life and do theories of the phenomenons she could do practicals of on Asgard. That makes no sense with Jane's character.

Or she was so scared by the challenges of a life with him (even tho she was ready to die saving him a scene ago) that she just quit? That's not the Jane I know either. She takes challenges head-on and is not a quitter.

The ONLY reason she would break up with him is for him - like I said in my theory that Odin made her do it.

3. Even from a story-telling perspective, it was a terrible choice because it resets every character to their factory settings, rendering the development of Thor1 and 2 completely pointless. Jane becomes a meaningless person forgotten going forward. Thor and Odin are chilling in Asgard with nothing to do and Loki and Frigga are dead with their sacrifices for Thor and Jane amounting to a big fat 0. Why dedicate two whole movies to their romance only to break up because of freakin long distance?

You can't have the event of Ragnarok with Thor in Asgard. You can't have him on Midgard for Avengers movies. What is the point of this then?

-

Not to elongate an already long answer, but I always thought the plan was to make her the Queen of Asgard, the perfect foil for King Thor. Her love and quest for knowledge + kindness to help shirtless strangers combined with Thor's sense of justice and protection of his people would make them the PERFECT rulers. Do you know what I'd give for this to be Thor's final ending in the MCU?

Like, I thought she was written to be so fascinated with the stars beyond because that where she belongs. That's where she'll rule. That if anyone from Midgard in the MCU was meant to leave it and stay on Asgard their whole life, it's Jane because she's so far ahead of her time.

But I was Boo Boo the Fool. Her entire purpose in life was to die for him. Because Marvel's all about feminism.

[spirituallyunhinged]

SO in this post i wanted to kinda track myself up until now to better see my progress throughout my practice but, as my own shit memory works against me constantly, im sure i’ll remember more as i go or like randomly in the near future

also its kinda my intro for this blog atm so thats cool (this took several hours n ik im missing key stuff but like its totally fine)

Rough timeline of my practice

got really into tarot

i watched so many videos on youtube with a friend of mine during like the end of 2020 to like beginning 2021 i think it was closer to 2021 tbh (this was also so many crisis times for other things too but once i went to college n ended up on calls with my friend we kinda got into it together)

2021

bought my own tarot deck and started doin readings for my friends n myself

side note: after reading for myself like twice n had no idea about veiling i gave my friend a few — the second time i did this i ended up gettin kinda possessed by their guide it was crazy n id love to be able to do it safely but it left me mad sick n i havent figured out how to do it without the sick afterwards but yea i ended up veilin hardcore for readings for a whileee after

stopped considering myself as a being apart of organized religion

while i was raised in the christianity kinda ive had multiple points durin my life where ive fallen off or gotten back on BUT after actually fading away from it i just decided i didnt wanna deal with the labels thing — tbf i wasnt really thinking i was anyways but i just kept puttin it off so i didnt have to deal with it :)

started gettin into like witchtok n witchcraft

i was super fascinated by witchcraft n i still am

went home for the summer and decided to pack it all away so my fam wouldnt notice

ended up still on the passive learning about witchcraft n tarot but like it was very little cuz i was goin through it

went back to college n my roommate was into tarot too

this was legit the best n i did so many readings for strangers when my roomie didnt wanna

started listenin to guided meditations on youtube n tryin to meditate myself

i struggle with it so bad tho hence the guided vids but yea no i hated it alot n dropped the everyday one like a week into it (now i do more like flow state meditation n i hate it alot less i want to do the silence one but i actually despise it)

i made a protective spray for our room

i was dumb about it tho n had to use a water bottle i stabbed holes in cuz i had only a tiny ass spray bottle (this one ended up goin with me everywhere

figured out out room was kinda haunted n while bein kinda scared i was more pissy about it

we left to the cafeteria n talked about it before goin back n i ended up talkin to our ghost n then we were vibin with em but ooo before we were cool they kept fuckin kickin my bed corner as i was about to sleep for legit two weeks before i brought it up n found out my roomie saw them knock shit off the desks n we both had been hearin the corners humming fuckin randomly until we looked over there like oh it was a time

i got into makin moon water n charging everythin i could get my grubby mits on

i kept stealin rocks from the campus n my friend gave me some theyd gotten for me when theyd gone out n about into nature it was great

ended up constantly veiling and worryin about protection on myself

this was due to being overwhelmed by the energy of large crowds i got like constant headaches n it was bad :D

oh subplot of the protection i ended up using the like shield technique before i was veiling and it was effective but like i didnt think it was enough n THEN i started veiling like all the time 🫠

got really into cleansing

this is something im still really into but at the time i did it like once a week n now i do it every time im in the shower since i saw a hack about using the waters properties as well as the cleansing stuff so yea that was it for me so yea while i still cleanse when i feel like i need to usually i cleanse myself everytime i shower

got into candles and candle magic more

bought some protection based books

i def read them but like ehh i use some of the things from em but i only got two n one seemed kinda intimidating since it was very hecate based which was so cool but like idk they were that guys personal stuff n i didnt wanna intrude (?) it was weird ik but eh its fine

sun cleansing! + a lil bit of sun water makin

kept drinkin the moon water until the aries one set me off for like two days of physical shaking

i didnt stop drinkin it but like i think about it more now instead of being like welp i made it im finna drink it all rn for fun 🤩

struggled with astrology— birth charts specifically

i still dont really understand birth charts n they confuse me :) so i had costar on my phone instead for a while

durin a readin for my roomie from another friend i ended up gettin kinda possessed again

this wasnt my fault i wasnt veilin cuz i thought i was safe… i was very wrong which lead to me veilin anytime someone was gettin a reading from my roomie

got a concerning amount of obsessed about soulmates

big yikes past me was still goin through it BUT in their defense past me kept gettin weird ass intuition based things about what i think was a potential soulmate kinda situation n then that person kinda kept sendin shit into my energy n latched on a lil bit but all good now 🫡

dreams dreams dreamsss

had so many vivid dreams that seemed to hold a shit ton of messages n everythin from “the divine” which then transferred to from my spirit team lmao

incense since my roomie loved it — smoke cleansed n protected the room with salt alot

started hearin things during my roomies readings of ppl

like i started pickin up on the shit their readings were sayin without doin anything which like this was primarily through songs but also really jarring yellin sometimes

went home for the winter break n accidentally brought our ghostie with me cuz i was worried theyd be alone n my roomie was takin the plant so

at home i was able to better sense the house ghost that was in the spare room i was sleepin in at the time

2022

went back to school n the veiling had to be bumped up to like all the time

aura colors!! like had to focus on ppl but ooo was so cool

was wearing protective charms n charged jewelry all the time

used so much music in my divination (shuffle that shiiitt)

woke up late at night n saw some like bad energy tryin to fuckin seep through the celling at me

was havin issues with a girl who wanted to like take over my place to be with my roomie n im pre sure that was from her but eh

said girl asked me to help her protect her room n i did cuz u wanted to be nice

did some candle magic for her n read her tarot like all the time too

had to take a theology course n an ethics one

the theology one was really into the old religions n mushrooms n like all sorts of stuff like that n the teacher was a Buddhist so it was so good

had a dream for my roommate n it was so vivid n weird cuz i did shit i would never ever want to do

when i woke up i realizedthat we had talked about her doin that thing like a month ago n i realized what the message was actually about but holy shit weird

learned about spiritual guides some more n tried to meet them

kinda worked kinda didnt but like i was using a guided meditation off youtube so after tryin again had some success (mainly through dreams)

went home for summer again n put it kinda on pause

it was during this time that i had a dream for another friend of mine who was all up in my energy at the time n it was actually fuckin terrifying

i have no idea what the dream was about but i had it woke up scared to some tall ass ppl over my bed like sternly tellin me to tell the other person n i asked them if i told them theyd leave n let me go back to bed without the terror — they said yes n was like “TELL THEM” kinda loudly n it was actually scary but yea i frantically typed that up n sent it to the person n once i did their ppl immediately left n i was immediately okay again

went back to school with a new roomie n more into protecting my room every few months

was learning n vibing with my spirit guides oh n more dreamss

saw a figure of a lady over my roomie late at night was pre freaky at the time

when i brought it up to her she was like oh 😀

stopped protecting so hard

instead of every time i cleansed i put up shields i kinda just put em up when i really needed em — stopped veilin all the time but like i kept up with the protective jewelry n rocks

in retrospect i think ive been doin it subconsciously n when im not my guides take care of it more now which is super nice im ngl

i learned about alters/shrines n that kinda worship

used that knowledge to make an alter for my spirit guides that was in my closet

made incense offerings n various food stuff

i remember giving them a huge ass chocolate easter bunny for help with something one time

did a protection spell in a teacup that sat on their alter too for a while

used a pendulum like all the time

read some tarot at a party for like five ppl

2023(?)

also sometime around here felt called to give a smoke offering for help with something n gave it to some greek pantheon figures

i really shouldve seen the hellenic polytheism coming like dammit it was so obvious

was like giving physical offerings i think pre often before learning that you could give energetic ones without a physical offering too

i was charging the physical offerings like every time before learning about how some ppl just give energy when they cant give physical stuff

a relative got really sick n i kept giving energetic offerings n incense for like almost a month

said family member decided to not go through any more treatment n once i found out i tried giving more but after visiting with my whole family i went back to my dorm n i got this feeling n heard “2 weeks” with like finality n it was like such a heavy feeling that came with it n i tried to put it off but like i knew that was all the time she had left with us

i ended up going home n spending as much time as i could there but yea it was like two weeks later when she passed n i was really not okay about it n i was angry that i hadnt given enough to get her to stay but ik there wasnt much we could do n i think my offerings mightve helped but couldnt have put that kinda thing off much but yea oof that was rough

took a week or so where i shoved my practice away after askin about her n makin sure she was okay

after that week or two i started doin more energetic offerings

saw a relatives dog right after he had been put down like before i knew he was gone n saw him run around the kitchen then walk over to my family member id lost earlier that year

dont remember anything else rn other than cleansing all the time n energy offerings like every night to my spirit guides

2024

reworked my alter

did some protective candle magic for my friend

basically on my own so been learning n havin some experiences here n there but having trouble with specifics rn

learned more about spirit guides

learned more about other forms of divination

mainly bone throws, dice, cartomancy, n some others i can’t remember

energetic offerings every night for my guides n talkin to em them

got wayyy better at hearing my guides

became really aware of the spirits id been seeing all of the sudden when talkin to my ma

once i realized id been seein them or like their energy n i focused i could see some features like what they tend to do n hair colors specifically

got really into learning about hellenism n devotional work

granted u had learned about it before as well but i came back into learning about it with a fervor

had some spirits turn up right before i went to bed

asked them to come back in the morning so that i could read tarot on it

started doing some worship type stuff for the greek pantheon through energetic offerings n while doing certain tasks

randomly tasted iced coffee for a few hours which i never have so i asked if someone wanted an offering n got a yes so did that which was cool

set up new alter/shrine spaces

started giving energetic offerings to my new shrines as well

last week of may i gave specific offerings because i was panicking about some medical issues n couldnt sleep it was a whole thing so i reached out to Hypnos for help sleeping and Asclepius and his daughters for help with the medical thing

this was a great idea from panic filled me tbh n ive been sleeping wayyy better n feelin better

ive been givin offerings since to them along with a few physical offerings

since then ive been tryin to learn n worship in my own kinda way

also ended up on new meds (im chronically ill lmao) n then because im allergic to em i ended up overnight in the hospital haha so i ended up turning to some if the gods for help

i gave a bunch of energy offerings since i was ya know not at home n then once i was free to do ish again i poured some offerings down the sink in the hospital

ive been attempting to add to my shrine rn but since i crocheted the cloth my spirit guides’ shrine has so i wanted to do that but i made like two version n hated em so far so im still workin on it

thats it for the moment but ill try to update it as i remember or like as ish happens!

[thischarmingand]

Book ask: 9, 16, 17!

Ok, this is super funny. Both you AND @straydog733 asked me for the exact same numbers.

So now that it's been a day since I accidentally deleted my first response let's try that again...

9. Did you get into any new genres?

Arguably, cookbooks, in that I read two of the purely as texts this year: B. Dylan Hollis's not very good (sorry!) Baking Yesteryear and Max Miller's excellent Tasting History. Both of them are essentially Tik Tok/YouTube books, but while Hollis admits he's neither a historian or someone who... actually knows how to bake... Miller clearly loves food history and knows how to do actual research and... write words coherently (again, sorry!)

Miller's book also doesn't consider America from 1890 onward to be the be-all, end-all of history (a thing about Hollis's book which strikes me as extra strange when you remember he isn't American!), and the recipes sourced from ancient Asian and Latin American history are particularly cool.

16. What is the most over-hyped book you read this year?

Hmmmmm. Probably the 1/3 of In the Lives of Puppets by TJ Klune that I tried? I don't know that I'd call that specific book super overhyped, but I'd argue Klune himself is, and as a new release it's a little more buzzy than most of the stuff I read. It's also super boring. Fascinating behind the scenes drama with his sensitivity readers, tho. (So much yikes that this man puts out into the universe and... simply could not!)

17. Did any books surprise you with how good they were?

I feel pretty fortunate this year that I read a lot of things that I expected would be good and then were instead great. Stephen Graham Jones' My Heart is a Chainsaw not only made the case for turning the Lake Witch books into a trilogy, it retroactively made me like the first book of the bunch so much more. Grady Hendrix's How to Sell a Haunted House is for me the best work he's done to date (evil puppets are honestly such a good device for trying to unpack the baggage your parents leave you when they die, metaphorically and also in the literal evil puppet sense). Wolf in White Van is the first John Darnielle novel I've read that feels like it actually achieves what it sets out to do with all the ambiguity and artifice. Allison Rumfitt's Tell Me I'm Worthless scared the shit out of me and made my cry and hasn't left my brain yet. And Lavendar House is a rare modern queer historical fiction book that manages to properly address the psychic damage that period-typical homophobia would do to a protagonist without being a primarily queer suffering story (and the murder mystery is pretty decent too!)

[haunted-linguini]

Hi I want to request a match up if it's not to difficult?

I'm a 5'1 ft girl with lower bust black hair, slightly tanned skin and asian. I have wavy, thick, uncontrollable and alot of volume hair. I love sweets but will often avoid cakes, picky eater and will enjoy the more simple meals than the more complicated and fancy ones. My love languages is Acts of Services(Giving), Words of Affirmation(giving and receiving) and Physical touch(giving>> and receiving>). I love the night time, sketching and drawing, nature, reading, writing, playing games, laying down, I am fascinated by anatomy and would often study it to draw f*cked up sh*t(g*re) in my sketchbook. I would describe myself as a shy person at first, not engaging in conversation at first but it would take a while for me to be comfortable but I am quite chaotic once gotten to know. I enjoy my safe space(bedroom) and treasure privacy the most. I am anxious often and would overthink about the smallest thing, but also get distracted quite easily but will end up always remembering the thought that caused me anxiety. I have poor memory and forget easily:(( I have bad habits. I like to cling and do anything for attention whenever I feel left out or unappreciated from time to time. I have a stuffed animal I still sleep with, I cannot go to bed without it. I love horror but get scared easily. I take attention to alot of things, and will add many meaning to everything I do(Deel meaning towards the nickname I give, emotional significance to the slightest action I make) and I have a bad sleep schedule and often sleep at near 4-5 am. Also I have Teratophilia... I guess that's all! Sorry for the long description btw.

this one was hard for me to match because this fits two people perfectly, but the monster fucker thing (no offense because SAME) rlly sealed this for me. enjoy qt! <3

i match you with: Eyeless Jack!

eyeless first found an interest in you when he saw you making a detailed sketch of someone torn apart by a clawed creature

and it being anatomically accurate??

made him kind of suspicious because you did notttt look like the type to engage in such things

was def into it tho

very observant - the type to leave little things he'd think you'd like without saying it was him

new, expensive pencils? that was him. a book he overheard you saying you wanted? also him. new game? all him!

with the help of BEN cOugh

would 100% be the type to ask you out by surprising you with an actual human heart in a box w a note that says "you stole my:"

he's corny like that

does NOT understand the sweets thing; he is very much a savory/salty kind of person

DOES, however, understand being picky

bro is on some hannibal lecter shit

eyeless enjoys being the "protector" in some aspect of his life rather than the threat - so he lowkey has like 'damsel in distress' syndrome but FOR you

all around a pretty awkward dude, so he totally gets the 'awkward' phase of talking to you

"so what do you like to do for fun?"

"........murder (???????)"

he is also highly attentive to detail and can read you like a book

*you changing the posture of your shoulders*

"what happened at work?"

makes sure to NEVER make you feel not included, especially in group settings

very much the type to get asked a question and be like "yeah blah blah blah, but my SIGNIFICANT OTHER-"

shows you he adores you through damn near constant affection + the leaving of corny cute notes (that may or may not be in someone else's blood)

....understands the monster fucker urges

does notttt blame you ;)

[gothwizardmagic]

lots of homeschooling lore in your tags these days LMAO would you mind sharing a bit about how that works? genuinely curious

lmao sure tho it isnt the most exciting story

my mum always wanted to homeschool bc she wasnt a fan of how restrictive school curriculums are (shes v much an advocate for montessori style child-directed learning) but i wanted to go to school Like The Kids On TV so she let me. i spent about 3 years at primary school where i was the classroom punching bag THE ENTIRE TIME. highlights include being pushed down a flight of stairs IN FRONT OF A TEACHER WHO DID NOTHING, another teacher punishing me for being better at maths than my classmates bc i kept tearing through her worksheets too fast (i cant do maths for shit anymore she scared it out of me) and a "friend" of mine's brother getting his hands on the axe they had for firewood and chasing me around while i was over on a "playdate" (these quotes are bc this girl was in fact horrendous to me)

i was actively suicidal by the time i was 8 and my mum just stopped even trying to take me to school at that point (around the time i started throwing up with fear every morning) and after a lot of VERY angry meetings the best the school would do was an anti bullying assembly, which meant everyone knew i had tattled. my mum was fucking furious about all of this & went ahead with the homeschooling application she had halted when i decided i wanted to go to school. the guidelines at the time (im not sure what they are these days) were just that a child had to be educated "as regularly and as well" as they would be in school, with check-ins from the MoE every few years.

i dont remember how long it took the application to go through but yea after that i was homeschooled. my mum bought up a shitload of textbooks and workbooks and drew up lesson plans but her focus was still on student-directed learning so as my interests developed in various areas that was where the focus went. we did have designated sit-down time every day, but for the most part she would give me resources and assignments/goals and let me go hog wild at whatever my current fascinations were with some guidance and oversight along the way. it did mean losing access to anything that required specific facilities - i dont know shit about chemistry bc we didnt have like. a lab lmao. but yea by the time i was 11 i was on to university textbooks for some subjects (this is not a big flex these were early 00s computer science textbooks the first lesson in cs101 was literally "this is called an on button. this is called a mouse.") and by the time i was 16 we were doing uni-level work in pretty much every subject i was interested in, at the expense of subjects i didnt give a shit about. (i do not know fuck shit about like. geography or maths to this day)

the assessments were pretty chill, govt people would basically just take a few random samples of my work to look over and do a lil interview with me to make sure i was learning shit. for socialisation my parents made sure i did plenty of after school activities (dance, swimming, scouting, drama, conservation club, etc) and my dad took us on trips to like. the museum or nature reserves or whatever every weekend for Enrichment.

once i was 15/16 we started looking into uni entry, but the rules had changed since i started homeschooling. when i started there was a single uni entry exam you had to sit at sixth form and that was that. they replaced it when i was. 12-ish i think with the current system, which involves a complicated nightmare of three years of both internal (classwork) and external (exam) credits and the requirements are nebulous and seem to change year to year and basically it sucks shit and every single assignment from fifth form onwards counts towards your uni entry so its massively high stress. this also means you CANT get uni entry as a homeschooler, because theres no way to get those internal credits. we tried a few different routes to get UE but the best option we were given was one high school offered to let me sit fifth, sixth, and seventh form all at the same time in one year to get my credits. this was Unideal because the whole point was to Not go to high school, it was work i had already done and didnt wanna do again, and it was three years worht of work crammed into one. so i never got uni entry and have basically been bumming around since.

UE problems aside, homeschooling worked really well for my family. my mum is disabled so she was home all the time anyway. both of my parents are highly educated so they had the backgrounds to provide a cohesive and varied curriculum, and my sister and i are both neurodivergent so the one on one attention and flexibility in format was ENORMOUSLY helpful for us. my sister has never been to any kind of mainstream schooling and it would have been absolute hell if she had tried. (shes very severely dyslexic and schools in the early 00s were. not set up to help with that)

so yea thats the homeschooling lore - i missed out on a lot of stuff for sure (met one of my exes entirely beecuase i wanted to go to formal SO FUCKING BAD and my only option was to go to someone else's so a mutual friend set us up so i could go with her lmao) but it took me out of an extremely bad situation and gave me an education that was much better suited to my own learning needs. i know homeschooling has a Certain Reputation, especially in the us, but my experience was wholly unrelated to that side of the homeschooling community, and it was unbelievably beneficial to me. looking back i dont regret the time i spent in mainstream school (i met my best friend there and i literally dont know where i would be without them weve been through the fucking fire and back) but homeschooling was the healthiest thing possible for me and my family and im so so so grateful my parents were able to do that for me

[ab-arts]

I finished the game a few hours ago, still almost doesn’t feel real skndjsjs

But HOLY FUCK it was amazing!!

Of course I have my nitpicks but overall I give it a solid 9/10! Wish my shit ass computer would’ve given me more than 3-5 fps sometimes (not exaggerating)

Some rambles regarding the game below, nothing coherent or an official review just some thoughts:

Alright so first of all HOLY SHIT THE GRAPHICS, GOREGOUS

SOUND DESIGN, INCREDIBLE

MUSIC, AMAZING

Even the very beginning of the game I was on edge, the atmosphere the game gave was immaculate

Once again wish I hadn’t been lagging so bad I was constantly faceplanting into walls XD

All the mirrors in the game actually worked!! Idk why that amazed me so much but it did

Audreeeey, omg I love her, I love her so much,,

She reacts to things! She’s dynamic she’s alive!! Henry I love you too but please man you’re a little bland considering the horrors around you dhdjdh—but ooh I love her and her personality,, there’s some parts I wished she’d reacted to more n had more lines but mostly I just really loved listening to her talk,,,

SPEAKING OF HENRY, HENRY HAS A CANON DESIGN NOW!! NEAT! Still keeping my own the same though cuz I like it better jdndjdh

ALSO JOEY WAS THERE TOO—he was so fascinating?? Like..he wasn’t this evil guy, he regretted what he did? And he and Allison were friends I think? And he helped Audrey? AND OH MY GOD THE REVEAL THAT HE MADE HER IN THE REAL WORLD?? I was blown away honestly. And omfg my design for Joey had a Bendy pin and GUESS WHAT CANON JOEY HAD

A BENDY PIN

I WIN AT PREDICTING THINGS NSJDNDJ

OH OH GOD AND THE INK DEMON, HE TALKS??? HE TALKS SCARY????? HIS VOICE IS SO FUCKING COOL AND TERRIFYING??? SCARED THE SHIT OUTTA ME??? HOLY FUCK

His design is a little weird for me tho? Like it’s cool and absolutely is scary, I’m just not fond of his face?? His teeth?? That’s not a smile that’s just teeth, he gotta have a smile, turn up the corners of his mouth plz

Also was not very thrilled by the mechanic where you have to hide from him, except he’s not even there and it’s just a countdown to insta-death? I was hoping to actually get hunted by him and have to stealth, Alien: Isolation style. The mechanic also annoyed me in another way cuz it usually caused a lag spike aaaand it’s hard to hurry and find a hiding spot when you have 3 fps and keep running into walls, though that was caused by my shit computer, not the game itself, so it gets a pass. Still would’ve preferred getting hunted by the Ink Demon though

Also can we talk about whatever the FUCK the Keepers were?? Those things were CREEPY like, EIEHGHHG WHAT THE HELL, the way they TALKED dear god

They don’t even have legs they just SLITHER AROUND

The Lurker was funky but I don’t have too many thoughts about it itself, more about the LONG ASS SIDE QUEST you can do for it that I didn’t know was OPTIONAL

I had to go all the way back up to the fuckin Animation Ally and oh my god the amounts of times I died, the many times the map broke or the one time it just wasn’t there at all (once again I blame my computer), the time in a fight in which it was lagging so bad it nearly crashed and the audio was freaking out, and what do I get after all that? A FUCKIN SCHEMATIC AND SOME COLLECTABLES

EAT MY ASS, LURKER

Allison omg, I loved her in this- I only wished she showed up more, she was a delight and I really wanted her and Audrey to become friends. Tom was there too but I don’t really care about him kdndjjd

ALICE THO, GOD what a return, and it was SPECTACULAR. The riddle (that was fun to solve, and not stupid hard like some of the other fuckin puzzles I hate puzzles I suck at them), the fucking ELECTRIC CHAIR she put Audrey on, HAVING A GUN??? THE WHOLE OH SO TENDER SCENE BETWEEN HER AND ALLISON,,,?? God I have feelings

Wilson is..hard to describe cuz honestly I didn’t know what to make of him? Like the beginning scene with him in the elevator was very ew creepy please stop, I could just feel Audrey’s discomfort, and obviously the whole turning on the ink machine (I was so obsessed with the gathering ritual items for the pedestals parallel) and murdering himself and Audrey scene was a big red flag, and ofc the creepy ass posters and lying and just having dictator-y but distant vibes, but later on he kind of seemed like he had decent motives?? Idk..but OH IT WAS A TRICK, A TRICKY TRICK—HE TRIED TO TURN AUDREY INTO HIS OC

It was sooo funny to watch that scene play out and Wilson starts dragging her toward that machine, and I was just going like “push him in push him in push him in” and then she DID and I was like YEEEAH

And OH MY GOD WHAT HE BECAME, NO EXAGGERATION IT WAS SCARIER THAN THE INK DEMON LIKE WHAT THE FUUUCK

I’m not sure which is scarier though, that thing whatever it’s called or the fuckin SPIDER THINGS WITH TEETH

Oh my GOD I hated those so much, ESPECIALLY THE BIG ONE

I think I was either lagging too much of never got killed directly by it to see it, but aPPARENTLY IT HAS A DISTURBING DEATH SCENE WHERE IT EATS AUDREY ALIVE

I wanted to see the deaths scenes in non-laggy format and I watched it and YEAH

THANKS MEATLY IM GONNA HAVE FUCKIN NIGHTMARES

Oh I can’t forget about Bettyyyy, what a sweet gal, I love her and I need more of her

And whatever the fuck that weird book was, the Mug and the Maiden?? Who wrote that they sound hilarious

The whole thing about the ink world and the real world being SEPERATE WORLDS was wild too, like—there was a CITY there, it was HUGE, and the implications of the ink people there being memories, like Joey—the real world versions not there at all but simply alternate copies living a hell (ofc the exception being Audrey and Wilson I’m assuming who’s real world selves were Actually There)

OH OH AND BABY BENDERSSS!! Didn’t do hardly anything and kind of just followed me around for a bit but he was cute! Immediately followed with oh my fucking god as I found out he got tortured by the Keepers

Also in this butcher shop (which had a clever little Meatly reference in the name that made me chuckle) there was just these words that said “the beef is people” and like wow, Audrey accidentally committing cannibalism real

NO CUZ ID BEEN EATING IT. THERES FOOD ALL AROUND (more than just bacon soup! It was all very creative and I liked it ^^) AND SOME OF ITS SLABS OF MEAT

PEPOPLE MEAT. IVE BEEN. FEEDING AUDREY. PEAOPLE MEAT

EUHGHEUHUGHGUH

But anyway, I saved the most important details for last—THE PARTS WITH SAMMY!!

There were hardly any. My day is ruined and my disappointment is immeasurable. BUT, I did enjoy the ones that were there! Sammy having a couple memos, him being held in a cell by the Keepers (FREE HIM) as he’s designated a Cyclebreaker, just playing his banjo looking all vacant, and during the final combat scene HE HAD VOICELINES! A few, before he was SHOT OFF A BALCONY BY ALLISON. ALLISON HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME. FIRST YOUR HUSBAND NOW YOU. WHY

He did a fucking Wilhelm scream as he died (for the 4th time in the series mind you) tho so that was hilarious, but STILL

GIVE ME MORE IN DEPTH SAM CONTENT JDS. DO I NEED TO BRIBE YOU. (for legal reasons this is a joke)

But yeah! Overall these are most of my thoughts regarding how I feel about the game, and though there’s things I would personally change (aaand considering I didn’t get nearly all of the achievements and there’s probably bounds of secrets I didn’t find, there’s prolly a shit ton I still don’t know), I still thoroughly enjoyed playing it! For me it was worth the wait ^^

[pub-lius]

What is your opinion on Aaron Burr?

he. he him. he.

i don’t know BEKWBWKWN

burr was an icon im not going to lie but he’s also the bane of my fucking existence and whenever i remember he was a real person i get a little scared.

but fr tho like. out of all of those freaks, i think i would get along with burr the best. like he wasn’t great, he could be pretty shitty, but i feel like we could have a conversation and agree a lot and it would probably be genuinely enjoyable instead of me probing his brain like i would do to hamilton or jefferson or sobbing my eyes out due to daddy issues like i would if within a 500 mile radius of lafayette or washington.

i also think he is generally undervalued and the musical did a horrible injustice to him. i never really defend him unless im arguing against a misconception spread by chernow and/or lin, which is like. a lot of the time. its really sad that most of the time i spend discussing burr is arguing false information that a VAST majority of people think is accurate because of the musical, which is now being TAUGHT IN SCHOOLS.

i don’t think the musical made him into a villain, but it made him into someone he wasn’t. it wasn’t authentic to him, and i think the person he was deserves that credit. this man was a war hero and lin manuel miranda spent like an entire musical calling him a nark like. who the fuck are you talking about

also, like hamilton, im mostly just fascinated by his character, not bc i think he was just a swell guy. one thing i do appreciate about chernow’s biography is that he acknowledges the many parallels between burr and hamilton (even if he overdoes it a shit ton), i just wish he did the same thing with jefferson and hamilton, bc they had the same thing of like. being each other’s reflections, if that makes sense. its a thing of like burr reflected hamilton and hamilton reflected jefferson, but burr and jefferson don’t have that. idk if that makes any sense but if i need to explain it more lmk

what i think isnt talked about enough is the fact that burr was a good father and grandfather, and thats one of my favorite things about him. idk why i just find it really comforting that he had good family relationships. idk exactly why, i just think its sweet

so yeah, generally i think pretty positively of burr, but i do treat him a lot like hamilton in my study in the ways that apply. although he and hamilton weren’t close, i see them as pretty un-intertwinable when it comes to understanding either one of them, and that’s always my goal when it comes to my Specialty Dudes (tm).