#they both deserve healing endings like they have been through so much

[quinnigallagherjones]

NEED THESE TWO TO HAVE HAPPY AND HEALING ENDINGS PLEASE !!!!!

[neontiger]

sunday morning

MDNI 18+

~ In which you decide to become jason's favorite alarm clock ~ jason todd x fem!reader ~

Nothing compares to the sleep you fall into after a long night with Jason – well, maybe you can think of a few things he’s capable of that can compare – but after so many years of waking up with the sun your body seems to do it naturally. There’s not much you can do when that soft light creeps through the thin curtains on the window by the bed, paints the two of you as you lay tangled together, tugs at your eyelids.

You bury your face in the pillow. Behind, Jason sleeps peacefully. Only a soft snore greets you when you glance at him through heavy-lidded eyes.

Lucky him, sleeping like a baby. But he deserves it.

You watch him. Bask in the view of him streaked by the morning sun, the steady rise and fall of his chest with every breath. Your eyes trace the shapes of him, the hardened muscles, the scars making a landscape to explore. Puckered bullet wounds, thin slices of knives, short stabs of daggers…the Y-shaped scar that divides him, a straight line down his abdomen you always end up following. A thousand stories to read on his skin.

You move to nuzzle his chest and lay your head on his heart. It beats in your ear. For a brief moment it makes you sad, because your thoughts run to that dark place he came from. You hadn’t been there back then. There was nothing you could have done, but that doesn’t make you feel much better.

He’s here now. He’s alive, blood pumping through his veins. And he makes it back to you every night – he promised he would, and he’s not broken that promise yet. You pray he never does.

A deep breath lifts you a little higher. Ah, and the smell of him – musk and the hint of gunpowder. You never thought that would become one of your favorite scents, and yet here you are, inhaling and taking him in with all your senses.

Wait, you’re forgetting taste. His taste…what does he taste like?

You pick your head up. Jason’s eyes are still closed, his lips slightly parted. There’s a cut on his upper lip that he got last week in a fight, still healing, and a new bump in his nose from a hard punch he got last night. That didn’t stop him from nearly folding you in half and driving his cock into you until you were stuffed full of him and you were both satisfied. You weren’t complaining; he deserved to be spoiled.

He won't wake easily. A challenge. You test the waters with a kiss to his bicep, watching his face for the slightest twitch, but there’s none except the standards.

Another kiss, this one to a scar on his chest, a little wetter. You purse your lips and suck gently. Not enough to leave a mark, not yet. Another, closer to his nipple, a spot so sensitive that when he’s awake it sends a shiver down his spine. You close your lips on the bud and flick your tongue.

That elicits a response; the faintest twitch of his eyebrows, a wrinkle in his nose. His next breath is a little heavier than the others, but he doesn’t wake. You’ll have to work harder.

No more gentle kisses. You press your lips to the skin of his abdomen and nip, like some teething puppy. A trail of little pink marks follows you as you make your way to the patch of hair that runs from his belly button under the blanket. Jason shifts again, this time moving his legs apart, as if to make room for you. You stop and watch again. He might be awake.

Whatever. Breakfast is waiting for you just underneath the covers, a thick swelling lifting the blanket between his strong thighs. You continue your kisses downward but don’t move the blanket. Instead you kiss his legs through the fabric, feel the muscle tighten and shift. He turns his head and sighs.

You inch closer to his swollen member still swathed under your flowery pink blanket but you don’t dare bring your lips to it. Every few kisses placed on his covered legs or exposed skin causes a twitch. Sometimes a sigh escapes his mouth, a half-moan. He turns his hips and tries to chase your lips in what he thinks is a nonchalant, casual way, but you know better.

The teasing is fine, you think, but between your legs you’re growing sticky with arousal, and for your sake you decide it’s time to give him what he wants. You kiss the tip of his covered cock lightly.

Jason curls his fingers into the bedsheet, biting his lower lip.

You inch the blanket down, dragging it slowly over his engorged member, until it pops free at full attention. For a moment you marvel at his cock – so thick your index and thumb didn’t meet when you wrapped them around, lined with throbbing veins that ran from a base of curly black hair to the darker, leaking tip. Maybe you’d tortured him a bit too long, you thought, as a bead of precum rolled down the underside.

But that thought doesn’t make you go any quicker. He likes it, you know, letting go of control and putting up with you. You drag just the top of your tongue along the underside of his cock, tasting his precum – salty, strong – and flick off the head of cock.

It’s faint, but unmistakable. A grunt, a fuck through gritted teeth.

“I know you’re awake.” You wrap your lips around the tip of his cock and give a single suck before popping off again. “How long are you going to pretend?”

Jason places his arms behind his head, propping up enough to smile down at you. “I didn't want to disturb your fun. But don't stop now, baby. I promise I'll stay still, and you can do whatever you want.”

“Whatever you want, right?” Starting at the base, you plant wet kisses along the length of his cock, first up and then down again. He wets his lips, entranced with watching you.

He sits up to reach a hand down and squeezes your shoulder. “Come here,” he says. “Sit on my face.”

You laugh at the brazen, sort of awkward way he says it – but you obey, moving to straddle his head, still facing his cock with the intention of taking care of him while he does the same for you. He squeezes your ass in his calloused hands as he brings you down further.

It starts with a tease; his tongue light on the outer lips of your already dripping cunt, maybe revenge for what you put him through, making him wait. “Jason,” you whimper, squirming in his grip.

He likes that, the helpless moan that drips from your lips, but he also is incapable of teasing you. It's as much torture for him as it is for you. He flattens his tongue against your clit and drags it up to bury inside you. A tremble runs through your body, causing your hand around his cock to tense and tighten. You pretend it was intentional by quickly rerouting the move into a pump up his shaft and wrapping your lips around him again.

His cock throbs in your mouth, urging you to take him further, and a steady rhythm of pump, suck, up, down, is all you can manage as he buries against your cunt, eating like a man starved.

Shocks of pleasure roll through your body and release as muffled moans as you remain wrapped around his cock. His hips buck upwards on their own at the hummed vibrations, desperate to be buried further inside your warm mouth. You can't resist the urge to do the same, grind your heat against his mouth, making desperate circles on his tongue.

You break away from his cock and collapse with a cry as he gives a sharp suck to your clit. Can't concentrate on what you need to do when he's like that, when he's doing so good. You press your lips against his throbbing length and whimper.

Then nothing. No peak. Nothing but a wet burning crying out between your thighs and in your stomach.

You whine. “Jayy…”

“You stopped, so I thought we were done.” The heat of his breath so he chuckles brushes against your clit, making you shiver.

You weigh the options: sit down fully on his face and suffocate him – he'd like that, probably his favorite way to go – or take your seat elsewhere.

You move off of him. Jason makes as if to sit up, but you quickly straddle his lap and flatten your hands on his chest to hold him in place. He grins, hands gripping your hips, as if guiding you into place. You hold him steady and sink down, purposefully slow, teasing as you take him inside your welcoming heat a centimeter at a time. His brow furrows, a sharp inhale sucked through teeth, hands tightening and fingers curling into your soft flesh.

Full, heart racing, you exhale as you fully seat yourself on him. Jason smiles up at you, pupils blown out with lust. He reaches a hand to cup your cheek and guide your lips down to his.

The two of you stay like that, tongues slipping over each other and exploring, his cock nestled inside your walls, warm and exciting. His fingers rub your back while yours play in his hair. As perfect as the moment is, the sun streaking through the window and over your intertwined bodies, you can't stay this way forever. There's a pressing matter between the two of you crying for release.

Slow. You lift halfway and sink down, the head of his cock pressing that spot inside – you jolt and tighten around him, the feeling still new and fresh. Your fingers curl against his muscled chest, nails dragging over the sensitive skin. He squeezes your hips and bucks up softly to meet your next sink down.

You lean forward, grip the pillow around his head. His hands smooth over your warm skin to grab your ass and guide your movements. Blue eyes meet yours and lock in place, soft and inviting – contrast to feeling deep inside as pleasure swells and burns, his fingers squeezing and urging, his thrusts picking up speed and depth.

Forget trying to keep up; you give him control, letting your head fall to the pillow. He kisses your ear. “Tired already?” He says, voice raspy, thick with lust. “It's okay, baby. Let me take care of you.”

Consent takes the form of a whine from your lips, and he grabs you tight to flip the two of you over on the bed. Your head lands on the pillow. Jason reaches next to you for the unused set of pillows.

“Lift your hips,” he says, and you obey, lifting your butt off the bed despite still being wrapped around his cock. He stuffs the pillows under you to prop you into that perfect angle – perfect for him to drive into you and make you crazy.

Jason presses his lips to your ankle before placing both on his shoulders. You gasp as he thrusts – just once, a taste, just for him to see your face contort with pleasure.

“Want me, baby?” Another slow thrust, a full out, a steady press back inside until he's completely buried once more.

Your hair clings to your forehead and flushed cheeks. Focusing on him through lidded eyes, his hands caressing your thighs, you nod, urge him forward with a wiggle that shifts you on his cock.

“No, baby.” Jason leans forward, folding you nearly in half, so he can grip your chin. His thumb brushes your bottom lip. “Use your words.”

The look, the touch, the position – everything a reminder that you're so weak underneath him, that despite who you might be elsewhere here you are one thing – his.

“Want you,” you say. “Please, Jay.”

He smiles. “Good girl.”

Slow, arduous, dragging – each thrust of his hips pressing the head of his cock against your cervix, causing your walls to flutter and tighten around him as the pressure builds. His eyes never leave your face, but you can’t maintain eye contact, the feeling too great – your eyes roll back, eyelids fluttering, as his pace quickens, bringing you closer to the peak.

“That’s it.” He sounds out of breath. “My good girl…come for me, baby…”

Faster. You clench around him, nails dug into his knees, the only piece of him you can reach in an attempt to ground yourself. Your head swims, body tightening and tensing, as control breaks.

Your release crashes around him. He breaks from watching your face as you come undone to look down at where you connect – to watch as you swallow him, pussy swollen with hot excitement and from him, his cock slick with your juices. Each panted thrust, each grunt, each swallow and choke tell you he’s close.

“Inside,” you manage to squeak out.

Jason glances up. You force the word out again – “Inside, Jay” – and that’s all he needs.

It’s a struggle to keep his eyes open, to lock them on yours again, as his release crashes through his body, causing his hips to stutter. Deep-rooted instinct and need bury him as deep as he can inside you as he lets go, filling you.

He’s quick, grabbing your lower back to lift your limp body to get rid of the pillow, before laying his body on yours. Sticky and sweaty and burning under the sun. He remains inside you, throbbing with the last shocks of his orgasm, as his lips press yours.

“Good morning.” Jason’s mouth curves into a smile against yours. Another kiss, slow and lazy. He chuckles. “Good morning.”

You wrap your legs around him to keep him in place a little longer, exhilarated at the feeling of just…him. “You like that, did you?” No more begging good girl, back to pinching his cheek and giving back the same attitude he hands out freely.

“It’s a good way to wake up. I wouldn’t mind if…maybe you could be my alarm clock.” Jason runs his hand up your side to cup your breast. He tweaks your nipple between his thumb and index, and you jolt, clenching around his cock again.

“You’d…” You swallow. Fuck. “You’d have to stay over more often.”

The words sound dumb. Jason Todd wouldn’t. No, there was too much at stake. He wouldn’t risk putting you in danger.

But he swallows. His hand leaves your breast to cup your cheek. His eyes search yours – maybe he thinks you’re being shallow, you just want him for sex – but then they stop.

“Considering it,” he says softly. He kisses your forehead.

Your heart skips.

“What do you want for breakfast?” He asks. The answer is obvious.

[magical-reid]

Mornings Are the Hardest

Paring: Bucky Barnes x reader

Warning: Angsty with a happy ending

Word Count: 1.5K

Summary: Bucky Barnes has pushed away the person he cares about most, afraid of being vulnerable, of letting someone into the broken parts of himself. After an emotional breakdown, he finally admits that he wants more—more than the fleeting moments and the painful goodbyes—and when he opens up, he finds that the person he loves feels the same. With that realization, both Bucky and the reader can begin to heal, together.

Bucky Barnes used to love mornings—well, he used to. Back when the days were simpler, before everything got complicated. Before Hydra, and most importantly, before you.

Mornings were never a thing to him. He’d wake up, usually alone, the cold sheets around him just a reminder of the battle scars on his soul, his body, the battles he’d fought, both in war and with himself. He was fine with being alone. He had to be. After everything, he learned to push people away—keep them at arm's length. It was easier that way.

But not anymore.

Not since you.

You broke through the walls he’d built around himself. What started as a late-night distraction, a way to escape the nightmares and the crushing loneliness of his life, became something much more than he ever intended. The moments spent with you—soft laughter in the dark, the comfort of your touch, the way you made him feel like maybe, just maybe, he wasn’t beyond saving—those moments filled something inside him he didn’t even know was empty.

But the mornings… they were the hardest.

He hated waking up to an empty bed, the space beside him cold, and the imprint of your absence hanging in the air like a ghost. He could still smell the faint traces of your perfume on the pillow, the lingering heat of your skin where you had been, but you were gone. Always gone by the time he woke up.

It used to be that those bruises you left on him—the marks of your passion, of your need—didn’t mean anything. They were just physical signs of a fleeting thing. But now? Now, they felt like something else. Reminders of everything he couldn't keep, reminders that you weren’t sticking around, that whatever this was between the two of you was always just temporary.

He had no right to want more. He had no right to ask for it, especially when his life was built on lies, blood, and broken promises. But the more time he spent with you, the more he realized that he didn’t want to be alone anymore. Not like this.

But how could he tell you that? How could he admit that he was falling for you when he was so broken, when he was convinced you deserved more than someone like him?

When Bucky arrived at the compound later that afternoon, he could feel the tension in his chest, the anxiety that had built up all day. Everyone was doing their usual thing—Sam was cracking jokes with whoever would listen, Natasha was on her laptop, and Wanda was sipping coffee on the couch. But you, you were sitting at the table, talking with Steve, laughing at something he said.

The sound of your laughter hit Bucky like a sucker punch. It wasn’t the kind of laughter that made him smile anymore—it was the kind of laughter that made his chest ache, that reminded him of all the things he couldn’t have.

He stood in the doorway for a moment, watching you, his heart heavy. You looked so carefree, so radiant, and it made him feel even more like an outsider. His stomach twisted, the familiar pang of jealousy clawing at him when he saw the way Steve smiled at you. But you didn’t see him standing there, didn’t notice the way his world seemed to slow down as he watched you talk, unaware of the war raging inside him.

“Bucky!” Sam’s voice broke through the fog in his mind. “You gonna stand there all day, or you want to join the rest of us?”

Bucky snapped out of his trance, forcing himself to move forward. “Yeah, sure,” he muttered, slipping into the seat next to Sam.

You turned then, offering him that soft smile that used to make his heart race—but now, it just made him feel like a fraud. A stranger sitting across from someone he wanted to be close to but had no idea how to be.

“Hey, Bucky,” you said, voice light, casual. Too casual. “How’s it going?”

Bucky opened his mouth to respond, but the words caught in his throat. He couldn’t do this anymore. Not with you. Not like this. “Fine,” he said, his voice rough. He avoided looking at you, his gaze darting to the beer in front of him.

“You sure about that?” Sam asked, raising an eyebrow, his gaze flicking between Bucky and you.

“I’m fine,” Bucky repeated, his voice hardening. He picked up his beer and drank it too fast, hoping the burn in his throat would drown out the emotions bubbling inside him. But it didn’t work.

You leaned in a little closer to Steve, laughing at something he said, and Bucky’s stomach churned with the kind of frustration that only came when he felt out of control. He couldn’t take it. He couldn’t just sit here and pretend everything was okay when he knew it wasn’t.

Without another word, he stood up abruptly. “I’m gonna head out,” he muttered, already turning away.

“Bucky—” you called after him, but he didn’t stop. He didn’t want to hear the emptiness in your voice, the concern that you probably didn’t even realize was there.

By the time he got home, he was suffocating under the weight of his thoughts. He slammed the front door behind him, trying to ignore the questions from the others. Inside, he climbed the stairs to his room, pacing back and forth, hands running through his hair, a desperate need to escape the thoughts that were drowning him.

“You can’t keep doing this,” he muttered to himself. “She’s gonna leave.”

It wasn’t a question. He knew it. He was pushing you away—had been for weeks now—but he couldn’t stop. The thought of you getting too close, the thought of you seeing all the parts of him that were still broken, terrified him.

He grabbed his phone, scrolling through his contacts until he reached your name. His thumb hovered over the call button for a moment, the fear of rejection tightening his chest. But the ache in his chest—the one that felt like it would tear him apart if he didn’t do something—drove him to press it.

"Need me already?" you teased when you answered, your voice low, almost playful, like nothing was wrong.

Normally, that would’ve made him smirk, would’ve made him feel alive. But tonight, all it did was break him a little more. “Can we talk?” His voice was quieter than he intended, a mixture of fear and longing.

There was a long pause. “Talk?”

“Yeah. Talk.” Bucky's grip tightened on the phone. “Please. I need to talk to you.”

You hesitated. “Okay. Now?”

“Yeah. Now.”

When you knocked on his door, Bucky opened it before you could even raise your hand a second time. He was shaking, nerves and fear clashing inside him. “Hey,” he said, his voice hoarse.

“Hey,” you answered softly, your gaze immediately scanning his face for any sign of what was wrong.

“Come in,” Bucky said, stepping aside.

The two of you sat on the couch, the space between you thick with all the things unsaid. Bucky fiddled with the sleeve of his jacket, his heart hammering in his chest as he tried to find the words that would make everything clear.

Finally, the silence broke, Bucky’s voice raw as he said, “I can’t do this anymore.”

Your eyes widened in surprise. “What?”

“This,” Bucky gestured between the two of you, his chest tightening. “I can’t keep pretending it’s enough. I can’t keep waking up alone. I can’t keep watching you walk out of here. I want more.” His voice cracked. “I want you.”

Your breath caught, but Bucky was already going on, the words tumbling out faster than he could control them. “I want to know you—your hopes, your fears. I want to be there for you. I want to wake up next to you and not feel like you’re just going to disappear the next morning. I want to be with you, really with you. I want to be… yours.”

There was a sharp intake of breath, and then the silence between you both felt unbearable. His words hung in the air, fragile and vulnerable. You blinked, eyes filling with tears, and before Bucky could say anything else, you leaned forward and kissed him.

It was soft, tentative, but there was a depth to it—something that neither of you had allowed before. When you pulled back, your foreheads resting together, Bucky searched your eyes, still unsure.

“Does that mean…” he whispered, the question hanging in the air.

You nodded, a tear slipping down your cheek. “I want more too. I want you.”

Bucky let out a long breath, relief flooding through him as he pulled you into his arms, holding you close, as if you might disappear if he didn’t. For the first time in a long time, he didn’t feel broken. He felt whole. Maybe mornings wouldn't be so bad after all.

[willbyersabyss]

So what are Will's flaws?

Is Will totally perfect in every way? Is he a jealous saboteur? Or a secret third option... neither. Let's discuss Will's flaws and nuances!

1. Emotional suppression

Will avoids his problems. He hates talking about both his emotional and physical danger because he doesn't want to be treated differently. From a young age, he was taught by Lonnie that he shouldn't express his emotions because that makes him "sensitive" and "weak." So now he likes to hide.

This emotional suppression causes his feelings to worsen over time. Once he finally lets it out, he explodes. Instead of healthy conversations, he says and does things that he'll probably regret later. He blows up at Mike, he yells at Jonathan, he destroys Castle Byers, he shows his hand (what about us?)

Will's avoidance doesn't only have consequences on him, but others. If he had told someone he was feeling the Mind Flayer earlier, they might've been able to save some of the Flayed. But he couldn't tell someone because that puts him in a place of emotional vulnerability. That's exactly why he waited until after he fought with the boys to mention the supernatural. He traded one vulnerable situation for another, allowing him to avoid opening up about his true feelings. It was a distraction.

This also doesn't let others to heal from their altercations. Both Lucas and Mike try to apologize to Will, but he brushes them off. Will thinks he doesn't deserve consideration. The walls he puts up forces others to hold onto their own guilt, leaving a sore spot in their relationship. We can see this soreness in Will and Mike's relationship in s4. They never healed from the rain fight. Well... not that Mike tried to apologize after the Mind Flayer debacle. Again, distraction on Will's part.

Will’s inability to handle change is also due to him bottling up his feelings. His trauma and suppression makes him stuck in the past. He doesn’t let himself move through each day where these emotions would be felt.

It's interesting how Will is deemed the emotional one when his sensitivity is actually a result of him keeping his emotions in. Once that dam is opened, it's hard for him to stop. He breaks, just as he fears.

2. Self-hatred

And all that emotional suppression leads to Will internalizing other people's view of him. Will's self-hatred stems from bullying and his father's abuse. He thinks he's to blame, that he's a mistake. As more people distance themselves from Will, he believes there's something wrong with him.

When he thinks he deserves mistreatment, his relationships crumble more. They're unable to reconcile. True forgiveness can't be achieved if he doesn't think he should be apologized to in the first place.

Will's hatred is the reason why he tried to sacrifice himself in s2 to save his friends. He doesn't think he deserves to be saved. This makes him an easy target for Vecna. It's very likely that Will's self-hatred will factor into his upcoming supernatural plot.

The more Will hates himself, the more he hides, the more he suppresses his emotions.

3. People pleaser

If Will is anything, he's a people pleaser. He's selfless. So much so that this is the first thing we find out about him. While admirable, it actually leads to more bad than good. His people pleasing tendency goes hand in hand with his emotional suppression. Will doesn't like to take up space and inconvenience other people.

Will's never ending effort to please others leads to him making assumptions. Wrong assumptions. Whether it be letting Max join them on Halloween or pushing Mike to give a love confession, Will tries his best to use his mediator role to give people what they want.

But he doesn't know what they want, does he? Will wanted to make Dustin and Lucas happy, but this created a rift with Mike. He thought Mike was itching to profess his love for El, but that wasn’t what either of them needed. In an attempt to help, he's making it worse.

He must be successful sometimes, though, because there's an expectation from his friends that he'll fulfill their needs at the flick of a wand. This vacancy from Will makes him a pushover. They think they can make fun of him and he'll just take it because that's what he does. When Will finally stands up for himself, they're shocked. That's out of character for him. It's like they want to say: “Why isn't he letting us be mean to him? :(”

Mike even expected Will to tell him that his own girlfriend was being bullied. Will's people pleasing explodes in his face. So now when he's unable to read their needs and fix it for them, he's to blame. Will takes on the weight of their problems too much. While it's good that they rely on him, there shouldn't be pressure for him to judge their every whim. But it's not exactly their fault because Will set the stage for this behavior.

Weirdly, Will's need to please others is the reason why he didn't call Mike. He thought Mike wanted nothing to do with him, so he didn't reach out. There he goes assuming things again! But Will was there, waiting for the rare occasion where Mike did want him. He went so far right that he ended up left.

Will's behavior towards El is also an instance of wrong assumptions. Will didn't like being treated differently in s2, so he assumed El would feel the same way. He used his own experiences to inform how he should treat others. Babying El would make her feel more ostracized. Instead, he offered emotional comfort, similar to the comfort he received, after the bullying. This doesn't really help her because she doesn't have the same emotional mechanics as Will.

So Will assumes things, pushes his own wants down, and lets people walk all over him all in the name of being pleasant.

4. Freeze, fly, fight. In that order!

When Will is scared, he freezes. This flaw is so significant that they talked about it textually multiple times. I'm not sure I would consider it a flaw since it has saved him more than it's harmed him, though.

The few times Will has decided to fight instead of freeze, he was kidnapped and possessed. Confrontation isn't an option for him. His body believes he'll be put directly in danger if he does anything but freeze/fly. Fight is only used as a last resort.

It only really enters flaw territory when it's an inconvenience. He froze during the sauna test, when El was being bullied, and when he should've shot the creature in the shed. Will is unable to help himself and others when he's scared.

When he snaps out of it, he cries and feels guilty for being so hesitant. He wishes he could do more but he can't. This wraps back around to his self-hatred.

5. Jealousy

When his best friend of 10 years that he's in love with starts to ditch him for some random girl, it's not shocking that there would be some jealousy! Will is the silent jealous type. His jealousy doesn't really manifest into resentment or outward action against the other person. Unlike a certain someone...

Will only shows it through rolling eyes, a snarky comment here or there, or an outburst at his most emotionally vulnerable. I mean, if Will really wanted to see El crash and burn, he could've kept his mouth shut the entire Rink-O-Mania day. Or he could've ignored her in the courtyard as she picks up the pieces of her project. But he didn't.

The worst we've seen Will's jealousy was during the rain fight. He called El stupid. There's no beating around the bush, he was in the wrong for that. But this came out of Will because his emotions were at an all time high. Why? Emotional suppression!

A lot of Will's snarky comments towards El are out of genuine confusion. He doesn't understand how El can have exactly what he wants, but she's willing to ruin it by lying. Unfortunately, he later learns that exact lesson. He's envious that she can do what Mike hates without major repercussions, while he's somehow blamed for her lies. And why does he get blamed? People pleaser expectations!

Will waited until a quiet moment to inform El of her mistakes. Will's goal isn't to humiliate El. He doesn't let his jealousy lead to resentment. Instead, he tried to (snarkily) lead her to make better decisions because it's not fair! It's not fair that she can have it all without working for it!

And now we're back at self-hatred. Some of his jealous moments make it bubble back up. He bends his painting, something he put his blood, sweat, and tears into, because he isn't enough for them. Their ideal day is without him. Will's art is an extension of himself. He's aiming his anger back at himself by hurting his art.

All of his flaws connect back to his low self-esteem in some way. This is why it's important for Will to receive and accept love in his life. A big part of his arc is self acceptance.

So there it is in all its glory! All of Will's main flaws in one post. What did we learn? Will suppresses his emotions, hates himself, pleases others to a fault, freezes, and is green with envy. And he wouldn't be Will without 'em!

[charliemwrites]

Nikto's Commandments part 8! (and the first half of the Jealousy Duet).

I'll be honest, I got stuck with this one! For some reason I just couldn't get a good flow going and had to try writing this a few different times. I think it shows in the beginning, but I get the rhythm back towards the end.

Also, apologies if there are more errors than usual. I kind of powered through it and am too afraid I'm going to hate it if I try to read it over.

Anyway, please enjoy as always <3

Content: Jealousy, Acts of Devotion, Declarations of Love, Kissing

It’s your first mission since Nikto failed you.

(You may have forgiven him. He’s even accepted that you have, merciful as you are. But that doesn’t change the truth of what happened – that he failed you. That he left your side, and then almost didn’t return. You’ve forbade him from hanging himself with “almost,” but that doesn’t mean he can’t feel the noose around his throat.)

You’re long since healed and recovered under Nikto’s devoted watch. Nurturing may not come naturally to him, but he’d bend himself into any shape for your use. So, he made himself into your caregiver. Weeks of helping you sit up, walk, bathe… until you were back in the gym, right by his side, gritting your teeth through physical therapy.

A scar is all that’s left now, silvery and tender. The only sign that Nikto’s world nearly bled away on dirty concrete. A reminder of his failure, his disgrace. How could he possibly deserve a place at your side, when he couldn’t even protect you? When he thought, for even a moment, that vengeance mattered more than your life?

Still, he returns to your side. Because you told him to, all that time ago. Because he has so much to make up for after everything. And because you haven’t given him leave to be anywhere else.

(He prays that you don’t the only way he knows how. Through meals from his own hand while you grin, nipping at his fingers. Through tea shared from one cup. With fragrant products in your wet hair while you sigh. You haven’t told him he could be anywhere else, beckoning him into a bed bigger than the one on base, still tucking in close like one of you might fall off the edge.)

It’s not that he thinks you incapable now. He would never blaspheme that you are anything other than utterly competent. It’s just that every blink superimposes pools of blood over his vision, a strobe of you near death.

In his most selfish, private thoughts, he imagines taking you away from it all for good. Tucking you away warm and safe in the cathedral of your off-base apartment, where a god belongs, in their own house. He soothes himself on visions of devoting himself to you fully and wishes he were a prophet. But for all you’ve given him, visions of the future are not one of them.

You were eager to return to duty, nearly cornered O’Conor once you got final clearance from the doctors. Nearly shook him down for a new assignment – for the both of you. Even if he had reservations about sending you to duty so soon, an opportunity to keep Nikto and his temper away a little longer was too tempting. (The bruises Nikto left on his throat were long gone, but the memory clearly was not.)

And so here you both are, in the gym of an SAS base, sparring with Task Force 141.

“Oi, lass! Care for a match?”

“Bring it, MacTavish!”

Nikto stands back to observe as you and the sergeant square off.

The 141 has been cooperative, despite previous tensions with KorTac. You, Nikto, and Konig have managed to build a decent working rapport – though most of that work has been yours. Their captain seems to like your friendly personality and straightforward professionalism; their lieutenant has been cordial. But the two sergeants (especially the Scottish one) have taken a liking to you.

“Fuck!”

Nikto jerks as you get taken down on your bad side – no, it’s not your bad side anymore. You’ve fully recovered; he must remember that. Interrupting a sparring match would be unwelcome and unnecessary. Not just overprotective on his part, but disrespectful to you as well, as if he doesn’t think you can hold your own. Still, he balls his hands into fists as you struggle against the sergeant.

At least you’re laughing, breathless and curse laden as it is.

“She is okay, ja?” Konig asks.

Nikto grunts the affirmative, eyes sharp as he watches you knee MacTavish’s side. Good, he thinks proudly as you twist to get on top. You’ve been working tirelessly to improve your groundwork techniques, learning all the different ways you can use your smaller stature against bigger and stronger opponents.

“He is… friendly,” Konig continues.

Another grunt of agreement. Most people are with you. It’s a natural reaction in the face of divinity; to reach out to a smiling god. It worked on Nikto, anyone else would be helpless. It’s just the natural order of things like green grass, blue skies, or gravity.

There’s a pause that starts to prickle the back of Nikto’s mind. Disinterested as he may be in socializing, he understands how it works. A program that runs in his mind – body language, tone, inflection, facial expression. A complex algorithm that computes to emotion, conversation, feeling. It’s just not an equation that applies to him, or that he can apply to himself anymore.

And right now, Konig is trying to imply something. Nikto cuts his eyes to the side, meets Konig’s.

“Too friendly, don’t you think?” he adds.

Nikto snorts and turns back to the match – where you are just tapping out. MacTavish is unwinding his arm from your windpipe. You’re sat between his legs, back to his chest. A tough position to get out from in a fight. As you’re scooting away, the sergeant pats your hip, leans to say, “good match” in your ear. You shoot him a grin over your shoulder and then push to your feet, sauntering back to your own team.

“Whose turn is it?” you ask, wiping sweat from your brow.

You don’t see MacTavish’s eyes darting up and down your body, zeroing in on the sliver of skin revealed by your lifted shirt. But Nikto does.

“Mine,” Konig answers, stepping forward.

You smile at him, bump fists with him. “Kick his ass for me, yeah?”

“Ja.”

He shoots Nikto one last, pointed look before stepping onto the mat. But Nikto has no interest in watching his match. Not when you’re right in front of him, a sheepish look on your face.

“I can’t believe I lost like that,” you groan. “Guess I need more practice.”

“We will practice,” he promises.

You beam and knock the back of your hand gently against his.

Like an insidious weed, Konig’s observation takes root and sprouts. Sergeant MacTavish’s friendliness.

It’s almost like Nikto is hallucinating again – or perhaps that he has just stopped. A veil pulled away from his eyes. A creature camouflaged in the brush, his eyes skipping over the landscape until an irregularity in the pattern was pointed out to him. And now he cannot stop seeing it.

MacTavish saying hello to you first every morning, asking how you slept with a twinkle in his eye. He offers to accompany you to training sessions, often chooses you first for cross-team drills. In downtime, he’ll invite you to socialize (with the rest of the 141, sure) and always save you a seat or a spot. Usually right next to him.

And it is not that he doesn’t acknowledge Nikto or Konig. He is amicable with both, works well with either of them when paired up. But there is always a tilt to his mouth when he speaks to you, a lilt to his voice. A subtle incline to his shoulders that makes every interaction seem just that slightest bit intimate.

A week into the assignment, and he is touching you freely. First a hand tapping elbow or shoulder. Then an arm around the back of your neck. Platonic, commiserating. Within a day, that arm drops to your shoulders and he’s leaning the side of his head against yours, something a bit warmer than a hug.

One morning, he scoops you up in a hug, your toes nearly off the ground. You seem surprised, reciprocate with a pat to the back before you’re set down and offered a chair.

And the sparring… the sparring gets worse. Not just an exchange of blows and a chance to improve skills with a new partner anymore. It’s become a game of teasing you, joking with you. Tagging you with hits to coax you into going after him. Wrestling with you on the ground and dragging it out while he grunts and huffs against you.

And Nikto… Nikto burns.

This is not hell, he knows; but maybe this is some form of purgatory.

He has no place, no right to suffer. Knows that trying to claim you as his own would be like trying to cage the sun. It wouldn’t just be selfish; it would be heresy. You’ve already given him a miracle; you told him you love him. That is far beyond anything he could deserve, anything he could hope or dream or long for. To take after all that, to demand more of the time, attention, energy you pour into him like holy water…

And yet.

And yet he wants to claw his skin off when MacTavish winks at you. Wants to set the world on fire when that accent purrs “bonnie” or “hen” at you. An awful, deafening static scream fills the fractures of his mind when you smile at the sergeant, when you wish him a good morning or evening.

“How are you with a sniper, hen?” MacTavish asks one day.

You hum, glance over at Nikto. He’s been training you with his own rifle for months now – though it’s obviously been on pause since your injury. “Well, I’ve been working on it, but I definitely need some improvement.”

MacTavish crosses his arms, biceps bulging against the sleeves of his t-shirt. “I wouldn’t mind giving you a few pointers, if you want to come down to the range with me some time. Promise I’m a good teacher.”

You blink, hesitate. Then lightly, “Yeah, maybe!”

Nikto can’t hang himself on an “almost,” but he’s gutted on a “maybe.”

That night you come out of the bathroom frowning. There’s a furrow between your brows that you only get when you’re both frustrated and worried; if it stays, you’ll have a headache within the hour.

“Nikto?”

He glances up from the knives he’s polishing. You stop, eyes darting all over him, towel frozen in your hand.

“Hm?” he prompts.

You don’t answer. Instead, drop the towel carelessly on the floor and stride across the room. Towards him. He only just manages to shove his equipment out of the way by the time you reach him. And you don’t stop, climbing onto the hard desk chair he’s in, straddling his lap. Your fingers curl so tight in his chest straps that he can hear them creak.

He’s trapped as much by your gaze as your weight. Something swimming in the pools of your irises that he hasn’t seen in them before. Doesn’t know how to name or how to tame.

“What’s going on?” you ask.

He jerks back in surprise, but you’ve got a solid grip and there’s nowhere to go.

“Did I… do something?” you ask. “Or… or not do something?”

He stares. “What?” he asks, mouth gone suddenly dry.

Your eyes are still darting between his, like you’ll find answers playing peekaboo between them.

“You haven’t been right the past few days. Maybe even a week,” you explain. “I’ve been giving you space to tell me, but you won’t. And I’m sorry, I’m not trying to pressure you, but please just talk to me.”

Now his brows furrow. “I haven’t been…?”

You sit back a bit, assured that you have his attention – as if that isn’t guaranteed.

“You’re not eating the same. Didn’t even take the green beans I put aside for you,” you say. “You’re not sharing my tea or letting me wrap your hands. You keep leaving for a smoke in the middle of the night. Hell, you’re wearing your mask in our room.”

It dawns on him like apocalypse. That he has been worrying you, affecting you.

“And you’re not… you’re not talking to me.” Your white-knuckled grip eases a bit as you run out of steam, sadness tinging your expression. “I know we don’t talk the normal way but… I haven’t been able to read you. You won’t look me in the eye or press our legs together. You’re even pulling away in your sleep.”

His heart is trying to claw out of his ribcage, wants to crawl into the palm you press to his chest.

“So… if I’m doing something or not doing something… you can tell me. I promise I won’t be upset. I just miss you.”

He crumbles.

Weeks under torture, but he breaks at four words.

You gasp as he rips the gear off his face. Try to help, but he just pushes your hands away. Knows he’s aggravated the old wounds, but a balm is at hand, pressing his face into the crook of your neck.

“моя любовь,” he whispers fervently. “моя надежда. моя богиня.”

You curl around him instantly, arms around his shoulders, fingers fluffing through the fuzz of hair at the back of his skull. Gentle and kind and everything that sinners and saints would fall on their swords for. And yet all you ask of him is to speak, to confess.

“I fear,” he rasps into your skin.

“Fear what?” you ask.

He is your protector, your disciple. Yours to command, to damn, to sacrifice if you so wished – and he would gladly spill his corroded innards at your feet, careful not to bloody your shoes. And he fears that you won’t ask him to.

“You are not mine, but I fear losing you,” he admits. You suck in a breath, arms tightening around him. “If not to MacTavish, then to the world. I will be left here without you again.”

He squeezes his eyes shut as the scars sear all over again, crushes his crooked nose against your collarbone.

“I am yours,” he whispers, lungs burning, “and I cannot be that if you are gone.”

You shift, pressing closer, tighter. Lay your cheek on his head and squeeze him so tightly he wonders if you’re not inviting him inside your ribcage.

“I thought you understood,” you whisper, and even that cracks with emotion. “I’m sorry, I thought I made it clear. I thought you knew…”

You urge him back. He wants to resist. Wants to stay right there in the hollow of your neck, breathing in the soap you two share, basking in your warmth. But you are bidding him to do something, and he is a weak man to your command.

Your eyes are shiny, but there’s a smile on your face when you look at him.

“You’re mine,” you assure him, “you will always be mine. I will never turn you away.”

His eyes flutter with relief. Always. He has no business questioning the truth of that. You’ve said it; it is so.

“I’m yours too, Nikto.”

His eyes snap open again, but you hold him still, hold him right there.

“Our love isn’t a cross for you to bear,” you murmur. “I belong to you the same way – the exact same way – that you are mine.”

“I don’t—”

“You remember what I told you in that car all those months ago?”

Don’t deserve it? That’s not your choice. Don’t understand? You don’t have to. I just do. It wasn’t a choice I made.

Your word is genesis. It is revelation. It is creed and commandment, redemption and atonement.

You’ve said it; it is so.

“Here.”

You snatch a pad of black ink from one of the desk drawers, grab at one of his useless, hovering hands.

“What are you—”

You smear his bare fingertips across the damp pad. Then press them to your forearm. He jerks his hand back, but it’s too late. His smudged fingerprints stain your skin in inky little pools. When he looks up at you, you’re grinning. Wide and beautiful and so damn proud of yourself.

“C’mon,” you coo. “Do it again.”

He hesitates. But his eyes are drawn back to his fingerprints on your skin. His mind echoes with your declaration.

You are his. You are his.

To deny you this, to deny your belonging, would be beyond blasphemy. Beyond sin.

You have said it; it is so. You. Are. His.

You beam as he takes the inkpad and gets his fingers wet again. Begins leaving marks all over you. Along your arms, over your collarbone. Lean back to get palm prints on your thighs. Sits you on the desk to smear lines up your calves. You even tug your shirt up, giggling all the while, so that he can mark up your stomach.

He pauses at the gunshot. Places his blackened thumb over the entry scar. Pulls it away to see the whorls of his fingerprint covering it.

You soften, kind hands cupping his jaw and guiding him up. Up and up… until your plush lips are slotted against his. His own stained hands land on your hips – likely ruining your little sleep shorts – and pull you as close as he can get you. Infusing himself with the taste of you, of your love, of your belonging.

“Yours,” you murmur against his mangled mouth.

“Yours,” he repeats.

The next day, you walk into the mess hall with Nikto’s fingers hooked into your belt loops. There’s a single black smudge on your jaw.

First | Previous | TBC...

Masterlist

[cozage]

First of all, love the way you write the characters and stories!! They’re so fun to read and always is a huge moodbooster!

May I request Law or the monster trio finding reader after finishing up a huge battle? (Like where the reader is too exhausted to move)

Please remember to take care of yourself so to not end up like overworked reader!! You’re always allowed and deserving of rest 🫶

Characters: gn reader x Law, Luffy, Sanji, Zoro Cw: post-battle exhaustion  Total word count: 800

Post Battle

Law

Law would be pissed that you spent all of your energy to fight a battle. Especially a battle that he started.

He would be more scared than anything, and he would also blame himself for putting you in this situation. He just wants you safe, and it’s not fair that you ended up like this because of him.  

He would probably scold you and warn you not to take things too far again (“your body can’t take much more of this y/n-ya. You know better”)

But he doesn’t want to lose you. That thought is the scariest thing in the world for him. He can’t live without you. 

And the fear of losing you comes out in the form of anger. But his fear will quickly extinguish, and he will quickly become the soft, loving man you know in secret. 

He’ll pick you up and shambles you both away to safety, where you are priority number one. He cares to your wounds and caters to anything you possibly need (even if he does fake-grumble about it, he really does love it)

In the future, he promises himself that he will do better and he will never put you in a position like that again. 

Sanji

Sanji didn’t even want you to fight. He’s angry that you put yourself in harm's way. Someone should’ve been there to protect you. He should’ve been there. 

Not that you can’t handle yourself. He trusts you to get the job done. He’s just mad at himself for leaving you in the first place and putting you in a situation where you had to fight. 

When he whispers your name and coos in your ear, promising you that you’ll be okay.

He calls for Chopper and he wipes your hair out of your face. He doesn’t want to move you in case he ends up hurting you further. He’s trying his best to stay calm. 

He wants to panic, and every bone in his body is screaming in agony seeing you like this, but he doesn’t want you to panic, so he tries his best to act normal (he's not super great at it tbh he is so obviously scared for you)

He keeps saying stupid things like “no no don’t talk, save your strength” or “you look so beautiful everything is going to be okay” and you have to remind him that everything WILL be okay. You’re not dying, you're just tired. 

While you're recovering he makes so. much. food. You have to pawn some off to Luffy when Sanji isn’t looking because there’s no way you can eat so much. 

Luffy

Luffy would be proud. SO so proud. 

Covering you in kisses and cheering and showing you off to the world proud. 

He trusts you to handle whatever battle you’re in. And he knows you’ll hold up your part of the deal. You’ve never let him down before. 

He keeps you close though. He takes a post-battle nap with you, intertwined with your body. 

He feels safe with you next to him like that. He swears your body has magical healing properties, because he always wakes up 200% better after sleeping next to you (you feel better too, though you can’t explain why).

He keeps you next to him through the feast and the party, and he examines your new cuts, bruises, and scars. He only admires them, which helps you feel a little less insecure about them. 

Sometimes you all have matching cuts or bruises, to which Luffy celebrates with another round of booze and another plate of meat. 

Zoro

Zoro is also insanely proud of you. 

He never doubted you, but he knew it would be a hard battle. It was for everyone. But of course you got it finished. You were a person of your word and you would do what you said. 

He tries to be casual about it. He won’t admit that he was a little worried about how you would end up, but he’s so relieved to find you mostly okay. 

He doesn’t admit how his pace quickened when he saw you crumpled on the ground. How just for a moment, he found himself considering a quick prayer to some random god to make sure you were okay. 

But you were just tired. And he knows how to fix that. He gently picks you up and carries you back to safety. 

He lets you sleep while he runs his fingers through your hair and across your skin, so so thankful that all you need is a little nap to be okay. 

And to be honest, he could use a nap too. He’ll blame you for needing a nap, but he always sleeps easier with you around, especially after a battle.

[ssa-danhotchner]

Happier | Aaron Hotchner x fem!reader

summary: Years after their breakup, y/n struggles with seeing Hotch move on with his new partner, Beth, while still working alongside him every day.

cw: use of y/n, past relationship, heartbreak, angst?, themes of moving on, Haley mentioned. let me know if I missed anything

wc: 1k

note: English isn't my first language so please be kind. I had the entire sour album stuck in my head. Please give me some ideas to write

read part two here

The sound of laughter echoed faintly through the bullpen as the last of the team packed up for the night. You sat at your desk, staring blankly at the screen of your computer. The words of your report blurred together, the glowing monitor casting pale light over your exhausted face. You didn’t even know why you were still there; everyone else had gone home.

Everyone, except for him.

Aaron Hotchner.

It had been years since the two of you had ended things, but the wound never seemed to fully heal. Time had dulled the ache, sure, but it hadn’t erased the memories.

You could still see the way he’d smile when it was just the two of you, the way his hand would linger on yours longer than necessary, the way he whispered your name like it was the only word that mattered. Back then, it felt like you had something unshakable, something real. But life had a way of pulling people apart, and for you and Aaron, it had been no different.

It wasn’t a dramatic breakup. There were no screaming matches, no accusations hurled in the heat of the moment. It had been quiet, almost agonizingly so. You’d both known it was over before either of you said the words. The demands of his job, his grief over Haley, and the ever-present weight of being a single father—it was too much for him to bear. And you, despite loving him more than anything, hadn’t been enough to bridge the growing gap between you.

“I can’t give you what you deserve,” he’d said that night, his voice heavy with regret. “You deserve more than stolen moments and half-hearted promises.”

And that had been it.

You had cried, of course. For weeks, maybe months. But you told yourself you’d be fine, that you’d move on. You tried to convince yourself that his words weren’t true, that you could have made it work. But deep down, you knew he was right.

Still, knowing it was the right thing didn’t make it any easier.

Now, years later, you had settled into a new normal. Working alongside him every day was a constant reminder of what you’d lost, but you’d learned to compartmentalize. You had to. There was no room for personal feelings when lives were on the line.

Or at least, that was what you told yourself.

Your eyes drifted to his office, where the light was still on. Through the glass, you could see him sitting at his desk, his phone pressed to his ear. His face softened as he spoke, a small smile tugging at the corners of his lips.

You knew who he was talking to.

Beth.

The name tasted bitter on your tongue, though you hated yourself for it. She was kind, warm, and good for him. You’d never met her formally, but you’d heard enough to know she made him happy. And wasn’t that what you wanted? For him to be happy?

But it wasn’t that simple.

Because every time you saw him with her—every time you heard him mention her in passing—it felt like someone was twisting a knife in your chest. You wanted him to be happy, but not like this. Not with her.

I hope you’re happy, but not like how you were with me.

The lyrics played on a loop in your mind, echoing your most selfish thoughts. You wanted to believe he still thought of you, that some small part of him missed what you’d shared. But the rational part of you knew better. Aaron Hotchner wasn’t the type to dwell on the past. He had moved on.

“Hey.”

His voice startled you out of your thoughts. You looked up to see him standing in front of your desk, his expression tinged with concern.

“You’re still here?” he asked, his brow furrowed.

“I could say the same to you” you replied, forcing a small smile.

He didn’t return it. “You should go home. It’s late.”

“I will” you said, though you had no intention of leaving just yet.

For a moment, neither of you spoke. The air between you felt heavy, weighed down by all the things left unsaid.

“Are you okay?” he asked finally, his dark eyes searching yours.

You hesitated. “Yeah. Just tired, I guess.”

He nodded, but you could tell he didn’t quite believe you.

“Goodnight, y/n” he said softly, his voice carrying an undercurrent of something you couldn’t quite place.

“Goodnight, Hotch”

You watched him walk away, the sound of his footsteps fading into the quiet of the bullpen.

Once he was gone, you let out a shaky breath, the weight in your chest threatening to crush you. You hated how much power he still had over you, how his presence could unravel you so completely.

Leaning back in your chair, you closed your eyes, letting the memories flood in despite the pain they brought. You thought of the nights you’d spent tangled together, whispering secrets in the dark. You thought of the way he’d kiss your forehead before leaving for work, murmuring promises to come back to you.

And you thought of the way it all ended, the way he walked out of your life without looking back.

It wasn’t fair.

You wanted to move on, to let go of the love that still clung to you like a ghost. But every time you tried, you found yourself pulled back to him, to the man who had once been your everything.

You sighed, grabbing your bag and shutting off your computer. As you walked to your car, the night air was cool against your skin, but it did little to soothe the ache in your heart.

Sitting behind the wheel, you gripped the steering wheel tightly, fighting back the tears that threatened to spill over.

“I hope you’re happy,” you whispered to the empty car, your voice cracking. “But don’t be happier.”

The words hung in the air, a quiet confession to a love you could never fully let go of.

And as you drove away, the memories of him lingered, a bittersweet reminder of the love you once had—and the happiness you’d never find again.

[astralspen]

Something amazing about In Stars and Time is how it makes you feel what Siffrin feels.

And yes, when you go through Act 5 and everything breaks down that's cool.

But when Siffrin feels loved and safe, I think that's what's special. That's what makes this game and these characters so special to me.

As someone who, too, had a similar feeling of feeling unlovable for a very long time. This game really healed that part of me.

When the timeloops start, and Siffrin clings to being useful, you still feel little bits of love. Small, barely there, a little distanced, because Siffrin feels distanced. But it's still there. The party looks out for you, pays attention to you, makes stupid jokes with you.

As you go through, you feel love through Loop. Loop who despite all the teasing and bullying helps. Helps the person who they so wish they could be. The one who holds their own heart, who has the family they lost. Loop reaches out to you, reminds you, you're here, I see you. It hurts, but I see you. And I will always see you and sit with you. And I will keep you from becoming as detached as I did, whether that be by annoying you or having a heart to heart or just yapping in general.

You feel love from the head housemaiden. That cruel kind as she weeps for your situation, and crys tears you can not. As she apologizes over and over again. Euphrasies loves by showing you the painful kind of mercy, the one that stabs you in your heart and makes you want to scream, because she loves through pity. Through pitying you and your suffering. No matter how much it hurts it is love nonetheless.

And finally, in the end, after everything you've done, after everything you went through. You feel love again. This time in your face, so burning and bright that you can not ignore it, you feel loved from the very people you loved from the start. The party who runs in to save you, despite everything you said. Who tells you it's ok, you were going insane, we may be a little mad at what you said, but in the end that doesn't matter. Because we love you. And man, when they really showed the unconditional love, I was going to cry. Because a love like that, especially one with the party, is so hard to find. And it's so precious.

Finally, you see love, one more time. Twohats. The Loop fight. Loop, who is trying to kill you, Loop who is so jealous because that is the love they so wanted. They want their family back. Loop who despite everything. They still can't kill Siffrin. Siffrin, who despite being forced to fight again, who could drop dead at any moment because of his craft exhaustion, refuses to oblige Loops request. They both refuse to kill. Because they still love each other. Siffrin who pulls Loop into a hug, and apologizes. Apologizes to who they once were, the Siffrin who should've gotten this. The one who had their family and their heart stolen from them. The Siffrin who never got to feel love. He thanks who they are now, Loop. For sticking with them despite everything. Who watched Siffrin, guided them, gave them a shoulder to cry on, bantered with them so Siffrin did not lose himself. Who despite everything, still decided to help. Siffrin isn't mad at Loop, because Siffrin knows, he would do the same. Siffrin gives Loop back all the love they gave. He let's Loop move on, knowing they're loved. That they always have been. Loop accepts that their family is gone, that they loved them all the same. They learn that even with them gone, they were still loved. Loop is allowed to be happy as they leave.

And isn't that just what this game is about? That no matter what, everyone deserves to be loved. To know it too, and to be happy. And that's what healed me a bit. Because if even the King, who spent his days weeping for a kingdom long gone, who lost all his family and could not build a new one, who froze everything in time, was still able to know and remember the love he had in the end, then why can't I? Why can't anyone? If even the ones who hated and cried and destroyed everything, the ones who hid it all until they couldn't, who didn't understand their emotions and felt trapped within a construct, who didn't feel like them no matter how much they changed, then can't we, too, love and be loved?

This game shows that love does not have to be romantic, does not have to be displayed in any way, is not something earned, but is a basic right for all of us. And for that, I thank it.

[gay-dorito-dust]

Could I request some platonic batboys comforting their bestie after the bestie has to break up with someone? Going through it rn </3

I got you! Fuck your ex partner if they were a dick to you, fuck them for breaking your heart and you will come out of this with a healed heart and a sense of self because you deserve everything and everything! I also added Bruce as a bonus.

Dick would have you come over to his house, saying that Hayley was ready to also help you heal pass this relationship, all the while putting the dog into your lap and encouraging you to cuddle the blue staffy because Hayley was there to provide extra comfort beside him.

Dick had been through relationships himself and would offer the most advice to you in your time of need the best out of all the boys, he understands how your feeling in the moment, as if your life was coming to an end but he would remind you that’s not the case and that you were just not use to being independent.

‘You might feel like you’re dying right now, but you won’t feel that for long.’ He says as he rests a hand on your shoulder. ‘you’ve just grown a custom to being with someone that being without them feels as though you can’t function but I’m here to tell you that you can. You were independent before and you’ll be independent again. So I wouldn’t fret about things that’ll soon become irrelevant.’ He adds as he presses you against his side, kissing your forehead like he always did when he needed to calm your racing mind.

‘Okay?’ He asks as he looks you in the eye, smiling. ‘We’ll take care of you won’t we Hayley?’ He then looks at his dog who had long fallen asleep on your lap, letting out a little snort as you both laughed at the cuteness of Hayley and the hilarity of the moment. Dick would make sure that you were getting out and would have you come on walks with him and Hayley, or just getting coffee together, anything he can do in order to help you realise that just because your relationship didn’t work out it didn’t mean that you have to give up being happy all tighter.

You can be happy on your own as you can be happy in a relationship, you’ve just gotta find the right people to be happy independent alongside with.

Jason would also solicit similar advice as Dick, seeing as he’s been in a few relationships himself, telling you that you might feel as though you’ve lost apart of yourself but in reality it was you hiding that part of yourself in fear of your true self being rejected.

‘Such isn’t what a relationship should be, you should see each other for your best and worst, not just one or the other and you should feel comfortable being yourself with them too.’ He says to you as he throws his arm over your shoulder as you both overlooked Gotham together becuase you couldn’t enjoy the stars with all the light pollution. ‘You’ll get back up on your feet sooner or later but for now eat your food before it goes cold.’ He then scolds as he gestures to the food he had made for you before dragging you to the rooftops for fresh air.

He wants the bash the idiots head in, but he knew you needed a shoulder to cry on right now and that’s what Jason will do, for you were in a vulnerable headspace and were prone to doing stupid stuff; and Jason felt it was his duty to make sure you took care of yourself properly and would do things that you didn’t or couldn’t do if the breakup hit your mental health hard.

Jason would make sure that you and your ex’s paths never cross as he acts as a blockade between you both, having much against the ex for being a uncaring bastard for hurting you while making sure your day went by undisturbed by anything or anyone. He’s looking out for you and most of your time is spent either in a bookstore or in his apartment, where you two would watch shitty reality television, before making predictions on who’ll get kicked out tomorrow nights episode.

Damian

‘Shall I end them for breaking your heart?’ He says as he puts a hand on your shoulder, obviously not use to being the one to comfort another, but with the help of Dick he hoped he was being at least somewhat comforting for you in your time of need.

You raise a hand to pat his hand on your shoulder, weakly chuckling at the seriousness of his tone, for while he might say it out of a need to bring you some assurance that he will be by your side. Damian wasn’t one to half ass his words and was most likely not joking about taking out your ex boyfriend for breaking your heart. ‘Thanks but no thanks dami.’

‘You’re better off without them. They were weak and couldn’t keep up with you, they were intimidated by your presence and how you easily prove yourself as a powerful individual who can look out for themselves and was scared of your power.’ Damian replies as he sits down next to you, setting aside his sword as he has Titus draped across your lap and Ace lounge next to your side, knowing how much you loved the dogs as much as he did.

And you know he’s not lying becuase Damian saw no point in lying to you, it’s ridiculous and serves no purpose whatsoever other then to guard another persons feelings, nope Damian says it as it is and needles to say he didn’t like your ex and now they’ve proved that feeling he had right by breaking your heart. While you said that he couldn’t kill him, Damian would oh most definitely stand outside their window menacingly without really trying.

However until he gets the opportunity to scare the shit out of your ex, he’s by your side with you throughout your healing journey as you realise that Damian wasn’t joking about you and your power. Your heart might break but it’s still beating and to Damian you alleys proven you were stronger then your ex ten times over. Hell you might even spar if you’ve got some anger to let out…Damian will use this as an excuse just to say;

‘Imagine their face and attack with everything you’ve got until there’s nothing left.’

Damian is an advocate for expressing how you fell in whatever form you can available to you, whether it’s through art, writing, music or otherwise just let it all out because how can you feel better when your repressing your emotions; thus hindering your own healing.

Tim has ice cream, your beloved fluffy blankets, your favourite show and or movie queued up on his computer with take out on the way the moment you had told him the news of your break up.

He doesn’t waste time and tells you to put on your most comfortable clothes because you were staying over the night to recover from a rather lacklustre relationship, away from someone who didn’t deserve you in the slightest, though this is very dependant on what relationship you had with your ex partner but the message remained the same with Tim: movie night with a side of gossip session where you shit talk about your ex partner and their glaring red flags now you were out of that mess.

Seriously by the end of the night you are no longer crying tears of sadness but tears of laughter every time Tim had something to say about your ex partner, easily roasting them into oblivion while your grasping at your stomach as it ached pleasantly, before joining in on the roasting yourself by giving him some insider information that his hacking skills could never give him.

Bruce ‘I’m rich’ Wayne who takes you out on shopping sprees to heal your heart by attempting to make a dent in his wallet.

After all what wouldn’t heal the heart faster than spending ridiculous amounts of money on comfort foods, items and clothing of various kinds.

Seriously this man will tell you to get the biggest, most expensive jellycat plushy the shop had, only to tell you to get like two more of similar sizes before gifting you his card and telling you to go nuts on what you want. That or he’d buy you it himself when he sees how hesitant you are with sending his money, quickly to pick up the things you side eye for too long or wince at the price tag of and buying it in bulk for you without hesitation.

He’s treating you to a expensive dinner afterwards with expensive drinks being brought to your table bottle by bottle along with good food, not that Bruce cared in the slightest as the night was far from over for the both of you, far from it as by the end of the night you would’ve completely forgotten about your ex when your rich friend spoils you rotten.

No friend of Bruce’s will cry over a broke loser, this man will remind you of your worth but in a less threading way like a certain son would, even if the encouragement was there in spirit.

[beebeeswee]

i will be a juvia defender until the day i die.

i really do welcome anyone to dm me or send me an ask and i'll talk about this more - because i really think anti-juvias completely misunderstand both her and gray's characters, and the context of the show they're in.

juvia is a character who has been excluded her entire life, her magic made her abandoned by and outcasted from her peers and former romantic partners. then she meets gray, the only person in her whole life who has stopped the rain (and when he leaves her the rain comes back), and she falls in love with him and the rest of fairy tail, where she finds people who accept her wholeheartedly. i think it's beautiful that she's able to stay resilient and wear her heart on her sleeve after everything she'd been through.

gray is a character who doesn't believe he deserves love, he has such a deep self-loathing he can't imagine a world where he's worthy of happiness after 'everything he's done', and juvia is someone who loves him unconditionally, who never turns away from him, despite everything he's done to her. part of his development over the main series and 100yr quest is him realising that about himself. they heal each other.

the biggest complain that anti-gruvias have is that she's a 'sexual predator' and a 'stalker'. @ermbehindyou made the excellent point that if she's a sexual predator by that logic so is gray - his constant stripping (even infront of minors!) would be enough to get him on a list in pretty much every country in the world. but that is naturally ridiculous.

(mentioned multiple times in this scene that he is fully nude - not just in his underwear and wendy is on the boat the entire time).

fairy tail is a show that plays on sexual gags constantly, which i do take a real issue with. but that's the show, that's the humour and standards set from the beginning of the main series, and like most of the characterisation of the show, it has become insanely exaggerated as the series progressed. having said that, i think it's misogynistic to single out juvia's actions and ignore the actions of every other character. and i mean that.

call me a crazy feminist all you want but i think many of you are seeing a confident, unashamed female character with overt sexual desires and it repulses you, because it doesn't conform to society's standards of femininity. this was definitely not mashima's intentions when writing her - but his interpretations of her aren't relevant to this debate anyway are they?

i'll end this by saying juvia and gray truly match each other's freak when the humour allows it; but who show true and serious displays of selfless love for one another when it matters, and it's beautiful.

[steddieas-shegoes]

i'm onto you

It may be Halloween, but it's also...@simplebtromance's birthday!!! You've been here with me pretty much since the beginning, and you deserve so much more than this ficlet, but I hope you love this anyway! We've had many a discussion about queer Wayne, so this is just a little something for you to sip on as a birthday treat 💖

rated t | 1,605 words check ao3 for more tags

Wayne liked to think he couldn’t be rattled, not since Eddie “died” and showed up on his doorstep being held up by Steve Harrington and Dustin Henderson looking like he hadn’t slept in a week and hadn’t showered for even longer.

But walking into his trailer to see Steve Harrington wrapped up in Eddie’s arms on his couch did startle him a bit.

It’s not like Steve was a stranger, not since he’d explained some of what happened to Eddie with certain looks that told him he wasn’t able to say more, please don’t ask, please accept what I’m telling you as the full truth and nothing but the truth. But he’d only been over when the kids were over, hanging back and watching them have fun with Eddie with a soft smile on his face.

Wayne noticed, he always noticed. But he didn’t really think much of it until now.

Steve was lying on top of Eddie, head on his chest and hand gripping his shirt like a lifeline. His face was relaxed, though, lips parted as he breathed shallowly. Eddie’s arms were wrapped around his back, hands not quite gripping, but clearly holding him tight.

It could be nothing.

It could just be that both of these boys had seen things that most wouldn’t understand and found solace in each other.

It could be that they didn’t mean to fall asleep like this.

It could be that they were exploring something together.

Wayne smiled to himself when Steve’s hand loosened, falling away from Eddie’s shirt. Eddie’s arms tightened briefly, his head turning so that his face buried more into Steve’s hair.

He walked towards his bedroom with the same fond smile on his face.

– – – – – –

It wasn’t the first time Wayne was woken up by the sound of loud music playing, but it was definitely the first time that it was the sound of Blondie blasting through the speakers of Eddie’s boombox.

His alarm clock said that it was almost ten in the morning, so he couldn’t be too mad. Six hours of sleep was more than he got for years, and from the sounds of it, Steve was still here and probably making them breakfast.

He’d done that a lot when Eddie was healing, unable to do much other than walk to the bathroom when he needed to and eat in his bed. Wayne was grateful for it, for Steve.

When he walked into the kitchen, he froze.

Eddie was sitting on the counter, Steve standing between his legs.

Kissing.

He considered turning around and pretending he hadn’t seen it, figured they’d both come to him when they were ready to acknowledge whatever they were.

But when he heard a quiet moan, he had to let them know he was there.

“Mornin’ boys.”

They jumped apart quickly, Steve turning towards the pan on the stove full of bacon with an obvious flush covering the back of his neck.

Eddie jumped off of the counter and tried to hide Steve’s discomfort.

“Hey. Sorry, we didn’t mean to wake you up,” Eddie started tugging on the ends of his hair, his nervous habit from childhood, even before his hair was this long.

“Music’s kinda loud. It’s okay though. Whatcha makin’?” He asked, pretending everything was normal, not pointing out that he’d just walked in on them making out in the kitchen.

“Bacon,” Steve’s shaking voice came from behind Eddie. “Fried eggs. Toast with peanut butter or jelly.”

“Sounds great,” Wayne said, walking to the coffee pot to grab a cup of coffee, smiling to himself when he realized that one of them had started a fresh pot not too long ago.

He snuck a glance at Steve, who looked like he was going to start crying any moment.

And that just didn’t sit right.

He didn’t want Steve to ever feel uncomfortable here, whether he was here as a friend to Eddie or more.

He set his mug back down without taking a sip and gently pushed Eddie aside to tug Steve into a hug.

Steve tensed in his arms for a moment, then relaxed, a shaky breath leaving him as Wayne rubbed his back.

“You’re allowed to be happy here, Steve. You don’t gotta tell me anything you don’t wanna, but you’re safe in this house. You and Ed both,” he said softly against the top of Steve’s head.

He was reminded of a similar discussion he’d had with Eddie when he was 14, when he’d been caught kissing an older boy when Wayne came home early from a shift at the plant. The boy ran, and Eddie had locked himself in his room for 15 minutes, furiously packing. When he opened the door to see Wayne leaning against the wall next to the door, unimpressed look on his face, he froze.

“Goin’ somewhere?” he’d asked him.

“You won’t want me to stay now, right?” Eddie had tried to sound confident, emotionless, but he was failing.

“Be a bit hypocritical of me to kick ya out for kissin’ a boy when I’ve got a boyfriend, wouldn’t it?”

Eddie unpacked, and they talked for a bit about Wayne’s boyfriend, Eddie being gay, and how he’d always be safe in Wayne’s house.

Steve had clearly never been given that kind of comfort, maybe hadn’t even had the chance to find that comfort in his own home. Wayne could give that to him.

“You don’t care that I’m, that we-” Steve started, almost immediately getting shushed by Wayne.

“Son, I’ve known Ed’s gay for years and if you think I wasn’t onto you the day you brought him to me half dead, I dunno what to tell ya.”

Eddie was standing to the side, watching quietly. Wayne didn’t need to see his face to know he was grateful.

“Sorry we kinda defiled the kitchen,” Steve finally said as he pulled away.

“Kissin’ ain’t defiling anything.”

Steve blushed again, wiped his eyes as he turned back to where the bacon was probably about to burn.

“No it’s not.”

Wayne paused as he thought about the phrasing of Steve’s response.

He looked over at Eddie, who was conveniently pouring his own cup of coffee. He didn’t even like coffee.

“My one and only rule is that you clean up after…whatever it is you’ve done to defile the shared space,” Wayne smirked. “I’d prefer it stays in the bedroom, though, kay?”

“Yes, sir,” Steve agreed, not making eye contact.

“Got it,” Eddie replied.

Any leftover awkwardness disappeared when Wayne tried to reach directly into the still sizzling pan to grab a piece of bacon, only to be swatted away by Steve.

“You’ll burn yourself!” Steve shook his head. “Now I see where Eddie gets it.”

“Hey!” Eddie protested. “I do not reach into still cooking pans! I wait until the food is on a plate before I burn myself!”

“My apologies. You’re just an idiot later,” Steve rolled his eyes, but the fondness in his tone gave away how much he cared about Eddie.

– – – – – –

Wayne started seeing Steve more often, usually wrapped in Eddie’s arms or holding his hand, or watching him play guitar.

He spent the night more often than not, and Wayne sometimes overheard his yelling when he had a nightmare.

Eddie explained to him that they’d gotten better, but he’d probably always have nights where the monsters made an appearance, and unfortunately, getting him out of the nightmare was pretty difficult.

If Wayne was awake already, he usually brought a cup of tea to Eddie’s room and gave them both a quick kiss on the head.

He also made them breakfast most mornings, liked cooking for them, experimenting with new recipes and finding interesting flavor combinations.

After a few months of this, Wayne suggested he look into culinary school.

“There’s a place in Indy, I know one of the chefs there. He’d probably be able to help ya get started,” Wayne said around a bite of his peach pancakes with vanilla syrup.

“I dunno if I can do much besides breakfast and desserts,” Steve shrugged, looking down at his plate. “Plus, Indy’s too far to be driving back and forth every day. I still have to work.”

“Not if you live there. And you could probably work at a restaurant in the evenings.”

Eddie watched them both, unreadable expression on his face.

“Maybe.”

“You know, there’s a few bars there that I could play at. A record shop that probably would hire me,” Eddie chipped in casually, taking a bite of his pancake.

“What?” Steve asked.

“Yeah. I mean, we’d need to find somewhere cheap, but we could swing it. I’ve got some money still from the government.”

“Yeah, but-”

Eddie’s fork clinked against his plate when he set it down.

“Stevie. Do you want to try?”

Wayne watched them watch each other, small smile forming as he started to understand their silent conversation.

“Only if it’s with you, baby,” Steve finally said.

“Then we’ll go this weekend to check it out.”

– – – – – – – –

Wayne got to watch them choose each other.

He watched them choose a life outside of Hawkins.

He watched them choose a future where they could have a happiness he could only dream of.

They came to visit often, and invited Wayne to their apartment almost as often.

They even brought him to one of their favorite bars, known for being a safe place for queer people, where he struck up a conversation with one of the bartenders, Larry.

And then he got to choose a life outside of Hawkins too.

One that led to more happiness than he could have pictured for himself.

[sunlighthroughthe-ashes]

i want to talk about how tenderly and tactfully the subject of trauma has been handled in family by choice. full credit to the original c-drama for the story — but the remake is my first introduction to the show and its premise.

families can be a person's first experience of a wound: that single unanswerable ache from which each of your hurts flow and fountain forward. it's rare for k-dramas to acknowledge this: to acknowledge that the individual to whom you are born may not belong to you. may not give you the grace you require to grow. may not take your small, hot hand; hungry for solace — and instead simply cast it aside. your family can be your first sharp disappointment — your first clear shock at the sheer ugliness of the world. to some, love is freely given — to others it is nothing more than a bone flung from a scant table. you hug the hunger like it's your own bed-pillow — it becomes your only home. the only house you ever live in.

through sanha & haejun's characters; one can see how the talons of trauma can mark you forever. both actors deserve accolades for the raw desperation and confusion in their eyes at the weight they're being asked to carry — especially inyoup. there's a muted, exhausted malaise in his eyes — the gaze of an adult caged within a teenager's body. by contrast, haejun appears younger than his years — a helpless, childlike hurt and betrayal borne by his eyes. both boys carry boulders unfit for such delicate shoulders — because there is a special kind of cruelty in asking a child to bear a burden that was never theirs to begin with. in lining their shoes with the gravel of grief since they were old enough to walk.

what does it to do to a child (in haejun's case) to be told that love is not intrinsic — and that it has to be earned? that it has to be paid back? what does it do to a child (in sanha's case) to be told that you are not enough as your own self — that you will never be forgiven for a flaw that was never yours to start with? what does it mean to taste a parent's neglect on your own tongue — to have it tint every part of your speech for the rest of time?

what does it mean to be a father to such children — as juwon's appa so fiercely upholds? to treat their scars as sacred. to harbor their hurts in his own hands. family by choice is as much about trauma as it is about healing — about the people knitted to you through their knowledge of your wounds; their patience with your past; their trust that your tears are temporary. about the neighbors, friends, and forged bonds that may not be of blood, yet sustain you nonetheless; surround your spirit with warmth. the people who choose you knowing the charred heartbreak in your chest — who love and accept you knowing the latticework of your loneliness: the people who press it all away with a single touch or smile – they are your true faith. they are your true family. they are the only ones who matter.

sanha, haejun, and juwon all have their crosses to bear — but they also have each other. there is always light to temper the dark. there is always sanha's eyes; and the way they soften when he looks at juwon: the jewel-toned reverence with which he reflects on every single thing she does for him. wherever there is trauma there is also and always a tryst with hope — a heart holding on to the idea that there will be more. there will be peace. there will be resolution. there will be sunlight at the end of the black silence.

family by choice reminds me of this quote by poet and novelist ocean vuong: "we were born from beauty. let no one mistake us for the fruit of violence—but that violence, having passed through the fruit, failed to spoil it."

[callsignpxnguin]

We Were Ghosts Before We Died

A dark Simon ‘Ghost’ Riley x fem!Reader fanfiction Click here for the AO3 version TW: pills, suicidal idealisation, gruesome physical deformities, depression

Part One

23 years. 23 fucking years on the force — 23 years of scarring missions, 23 years of putting himself through gruelling horrors, 23 years which he spent loyal with his life — all to prove meaningless the moment his left leg got caught in some forgotten landmine and rendered completely useless.

Couldn’t he just do paperwork? Classified documents couldn’t be released to those not directly involved. What about management? Same problem, and the 141 already worked well without one. Goddamn it, couldn’t he just be some sort of medic then? Not until his leg had properly healed up and he had gone through the necessary training. Both of which were impossible.

And so, without much more discussion and even less of a goodbye ceremony apart from getting wasted at the bar, Simon ‘Ghost’ Riley, legend on and off the battlefield, a mere myth to some and the worst nightmare of others, was honourably discharged.

That was a month ago. What a load of bullshit.

In some ways, he couldn’t even bring himself to care. Following the loss of his best friend earlier that year, following having to watch the life leak of of his once-twinkling eyes with a horrifying clarity, he just about lost all of what little sense of emotion he had remaining in him. John Price — captain, mentor, guide — recommended therapy, because even other people could see that Simon was being even more reclusive and alone than his usual isolated self.

Not that Simon ever went. He had enough on his plate without having to waste extra energy to hyper-analyse what it all meant. Everything was hell, he knew that already.

In other ones, he didn’t even need to care about the change for it to impact him. That job was his life. His purpose. Without it, he was nothing. An empty shell of a man, brutally honed since he could remember for a use that he could no longer perform. It was ironic, really, how everything turned out in the end. How Makarov still lived, Johnny didn’t, and Simon was left in the middle of it all, completely useless to do anything about it.

The moth-ridden sofa creaked under his weight as he shifted. He didn’t dare look down at his legs as he did, keeping his eyes firmly on the damp ceiling where black mould spiderwebbed out from every corner — he’d just get sick again and clog up the already-faulty toilet. It had already happened too many times.

Outside, the dull evening sky of Beswick was cloudy and miserable. It was all he could have expected, in a town like this — one of the roughest areas of Manchester, and that was saying something. If he was being honest, that was exactly why he was there. To torture himself, to make himself suffer, to pay for the sin of how he lived, and Johnny didn’t. How his breath was wasted on someone who could barely move, when it should have been spent on his brilliant, cheeky, too-fucking-good friend instead.

And look where that got him.

His bloodshot eyes flicked to the various pain medications splayed across the floor, as the soft tick-tick-ticking of the grandfather clock, the only nice piece of furniture he owned, droned into his mind like a metronome. They were always there; they that there as an option, a last resort. Maybe not even that. Maybe something more impending.

Maybe the inevitable.

Was that what it was, what they would turn out to be? They called to him like a siren song, tainting his thoughts, taunting his mind. They could end it, if he gave them a chance.

With a grunt, with the shifting of something in his mind, he hauled himself off the couch and suddenly gathered all the pills he could find into a pile. Death couldn’t be worse than the life he lived right now. It would be quiet, peaceful — even that was more than he deserved. Was a better, easier way to go than the agony that Johnny endured in his last moments, surrounded by chaos and gunshots, suffering with the agony of his wound. But it would at least be a relief, the repentance of his sin. He had no-one to bring sorrow to with his disappearance, save for perhaps the captain and Gaz. But they hadn’t been in contact in months, and wouldn’t find out for probably another year, by which time he supposed he’d already be fuzzy in their memories, a man once known now turned into a faceless figure in their minds. One that they perhaps knew a one upon a time, but that time was long gone.

His leg cramped painfully. That was the last straw. Simon’s eyes blazed in frustration and agony, both mental and physical, and he pulled himself to his feet, dragging his stupid leg along the floor with sickening thumps as it hit various objects strewn around. It only took two hobbled strides for him to reach the peeling door, throw on an old army cap, and force himself out the door. He hadn’t even bothered with a mask. He wouldn’t need to, if he wouldn’t see anyone else after this evening.

The hallway was quiet. It always was — no one in their right mind would live in one of these apartments, save for the occasional squatter. And even they avoided the place once they realised who their neighbour would be.

Rational humanity feared him. Hated him. He couldn’t blame them; so did he.

A lone streetlight weakly lit up the path down the road once he left the building, bulb flickering precariously every few moments, the way a flame would. No matter. His destination was only another few miles further, and he preferred the dark anyway.

Not even crickets chirped as he limped along. It was as though the entire street was dead — to be honest, it probably could be, and Simon wouldn’t have been able to tell the difference. Most cars avoided this part of town, too, and with good reason. Lucky for him, he supposed, because the pavements were always disgustingly filthy.

Ka-thump. Ka-thump. Ka-thump.

Jesus Christ, he felt like the monster in a fucking horror movie. He hated his leg — despised it. Abhorred it to the point where… well, where something like this came about. With every hopping step he took, it hung behind him like a phantom, hitting the concrete with soft, eerie thuds.

Two blocks away, now.

One.

The sky had somehow deepened to an even gloomier shade of grey, a singular crow cawing its dissonant song, as he walked up to the restaurant of his choosing. The only place he wanted to visit just one last time

An American-style 80’s diner. Blinking neon signs, checkerboard floors, red booths, the whole pizzaz. Stupid, really, and a goddamn stain on Johnny’s name, but… he couldn’t help it. It was oddly comforting, served good food, and he figured he may as well enjoy it one last time, if nothing else.

Knuckles knocked on the door harshly. After a moment he let himself in and slid (with some effort, damn leg) into the booth furthest away from the singular other occupied table, then waited. Soon enough, a waiter approached him absently. “Order?” The young man asked drily, mind clearly occupied with something else other than the customer in front of him as his eyes kept lingering on the kitchen door.

Simon bristled at his tone. “…Black coffee and a steak. Medium rare.”

He nodded, and whilst it wasn’t an order that needed to be written down, Simon would have appreciated a little more confirmation that he understood the order. “Got it,” he said after a moment, before promptly disappearing off.

Bloody friendly, he was, thought Simon with a soft scoff, leaning back into the oddly textured but plush seat as his eyes drifted towards the ceiling. Everything so far had been… uneventful. He didn’t know what he was expecting, leading up to what he planned to do, but a normal evening definitely wasn’t it.

The family in the other corner’s conversation was loud, and it reached a crescendo of giggles and exclamations once he was settled, but instead of tuning it out at he usually would, he listened to the discussion quietly.

Simon had never cared much for others — that much was clear in the way he attached himself to only a mere few, never dated for more than a few weeks, and was just distant generally. He found people not confusing, but immensely tiring. He could read everyone too easily and it got to a point where it just drained him to try.

Johnny, and the rest of the task force for that matter, was different. He had definitely been tiring, but in a good way. In a way that left Simon fulfilled. He was in no way a good man — none of them were, with the amount of blood that stained their hands — but he was as good as he possibly could have been. Good, and far too brave for his own good. And now he was gone, forever, and soon Simon would be joining him.

Life was a funny thing, really, Simon decided — his food having arrived as he began to chew on the steak with slow, firm chews. Given so freely, lived so differently, and taken so easily. An innocent child could be killed before even offered the chance to experience it, and a murderer could live to a ripe old age without any morals before passing away peaceful.

He knew it was never fair — he didn’t think anyone truly believed that. But sometimes, in his bunker with the snores of his sleeping teammates the only sounds to accompany him, he used to foolishly hope that maybe things didn’t have to be tragic. That whilst bad things did happen, there were people who did good, too. They may not get recognition, and no one may ever know how many there were or what they did apart from the receivers, but they still went on for the sole purpose of bringing others joy.

It didn’t matter. The world would still go on without him, and other people could analyse human behaviour and have the same hopes that he had—

An unfamiliar voice cut through his thoughts. “Hey, just letting you know your waiter’s shift ended, and I’ll be your new one.”

Simon jerked in surprise — locking eyes with you as you smiled at him kindly. “I— oh, okay. Sorry for overstayin’ his shift.” He was a blunt man, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t polite. And also didn’t mean that he wouldn’t at least try to live his last hours showing kindness to people who showed it to him, especially after all he had thought about. Maybe the stuff he was taught in kindergarten did have a use, after all.

You smiled even wider at the large man before you as he muttered out his response. Because you recognised the expression he had had on his face as soon as he had walked in the door. “No worries! Hope you enjoyed your dinner. Would you like anything else?” I have to keep him here for a while. I can’t let him leave like this. You wouldn’t. You weren’t the kind of person to let things you could’ve changed slip by out of cowardice or laziness. Whilst you were no saint — and could’ve accurately been described as the complete opposite a few years back — recently you had tried damn hard to do the best you could.

He hesitated, and the thoughts that ran through his head were laughably obvious on his face, for a man you assumed lived most of his life showing nothing at all, judging by the faded army cap on his head.

You almost sighed in relief when he decided, “…Yeah. I’ll take another black coffee, thanks.”

“Sure thing!” You chirped, gathering his empty plates before scurrying off behind the counter.

He watched you as you left, blinking at your sudden but attentive departure. You were… quite eager. Sweet. Maybe a little younger than him, and definitely more naive. In any case, he preferred you to the man who had served him previously. He could only assume that you were fairly new as a waitress here, though, because he’d never seen you before.

Or maybe he’d just never cared to take notice.

The constant reflections that his ultimatum prompted him to have sobered him a little. Put life into the kind of jarring clarity that only hindsight could provide. It was refreshing, really. Allowed him to really see what kind of person he was in the past, and then what kind of person he had become now.

But never the kind of person he could be in the future.

“Here you go!” You had already returned, sliding the piping-hot coffee in front of him with pride. “Made it extra large. Figured you might appreciate it.”

So, you’d noticed? That was interesting, Simon thought. Didn’t really matter, though, because you were most likely just into him and trying to flirt. It happened far too often. “Thanks.”

You froze at his quick reply. Oh, no. You weren’t going to let him dismiss you just like that. Your mind went into overdrive in a moment, desperately trying to cling to something that you could bring up a conversation with, before you asked hesitantly, unsure if the query was too forward, random, or private, “So… army, huh?”

The man stiffened, muscles tightening beneath his vest, and you feared for a second that you’d said the wrong thing. But he didn’t push you away, and instead asked roughly, “How’d you know?”

Thank God. You had been certain that he was either going to yell or ignore you. This was much better. “The— the cap.” The few words you omitted were still loud — and the scars. They were beautiful on him, really — battle marks that reflected what he had been through. What he’d had to endure to be here today. They curled over his cheeks like spiderwebs, cutting through his pale eyebrows. Some trailed up into his scalp, under his short blond hair, and some pulled at his lips. The most notable one, and the one that first caught your attention, wasn’t a scar at all — just his crooked nose. Broken multiple times, by the way it bent awkwardly. Something no amount of surgery could ever truly fix.  Something no surgery even needed to fix, in your opinion.

The man cocked his head at you, brown eyes roaming your face like they’d give him the answers to the questions of the universe. “And how’d you figure ‘army’ from that?” He was fair to ask the question, as it wasn’t exactly conspicuous. Wasn’t even vaguely camo or embroidered with any obvious logos.

You flushed a bit at the speed at which he caught on to your slip-ups. “My dad has a few from when he served.”

That got his attention. “Huh. What did he do?”

“Oh, nothing particularly interesting, or anything similar to something like the SAS,” you said casually, though you internally jumped as you saw the spark of recognition flare up in his hazel eyes as you mentioned the one division he was most likely in. Or had been in. That, you couldn’t tell quite yet. “People used to get excited when they asked him about it until they realised that he was just a colonel.”

“Good on him,” the man rumbled after a pause, dropping his gaze again to stare at his coffee. “…But the SAS isn’t all that. He’s much better off for not being part of it.”

Your eyebrows raised in faux surprise. Bait for him to latch on to. “Yeah?”

“I was in the SAS.” The words are spoken almost bitterly, and forced out the way a confession would roll off the mouth of a sinner in church. You expected him to continue, but he remained silent.

“Can’t talk about it?”

His eyes cut back to yours again, sharp and piercing, moving as fast as they had left. “That. And I don’t want to.” Ah. There was the defensiveness, not that you expected anything different. The privacy. It was hard — of course it was, to even try and talk about the bare minimum of the stuff he must have had to go through.

He wouldn’t have that look in his eyes if it wasn’t.

You nodded slowly, not pushing, but also not leaving. Lingering in case there was something else, anything, he was willing to offer you.

“Hard night, then?” You asked softly.

Something shifted in his composure. He slumped, though almost imperceptibly, and his ink-soaked muscles loosed. “Somethin’ like that.”

A warmth filled your chest, despite his defeated words. The man before you was obviously heavily scarred, both mentally and physically. You didn’t know yet what haunted his dreams, what formed his phantoms at night, and whose screams echoed in his mind, but you intended to find out. You had to make it better for this one man who you had seen walk into the diner so many times before, always silent and alone, and save him from his own mind like you weren’t able to so many years before. You were determined. And you could tell that you had already eased down his first line of defence. “Well, there’s always tomorrow, yeah? Nothing gives you a brighter perspective on things than the dawn of a new day.” You paused, watching him take your words in, before you added, “If you message in advance and come early enough tomorrow, I might just be able to get you some free pancakes. Extra maple syrup.”

“…Not a fan of syrup.”

You laughed lightly. “But not saying no to the pancakes, I see. Here—” You quickly grabbed a napkin and scribbled down your number with the pen attached to your shirt, before shoving it in front of him so quickly it could’ve been burning you. The only opportunity you could see was now, and you intended on taking it.

The man stared down at the napkin like it was some sort of alien.

Didn’t throw it away or turn you down outright, though, you thought.

When he glanced back up at you, he only nodded. Silent, but the action spoke volumes.

You beamed; the smile was more genuine than any of the others you had offered that evening. “You come here a lot. Nice to finally chat to you. Diner opens at six tomorrow, just a heads up. Have a nice evening!” And with that, you disappeared behind the counter one final time, and didn’t reemerge.

*

Simon honestly didn’t know why he took the crumpled napkin with your number, when he hadn’t accepted that offer from women for years, and put it into his phone —albeit under the name ‘Diner Waitress’. He also didn’t know why, when he walked back through the door into the apartment, he slid the pile of pills to the side instead of taking them as he planned. And he certainly didn’t know why he had decided to see you again tomorrow for pancakes, and intended on not changing his mind.

And he knew he wouldn’t.

Something deep in his bones compelled him to do all that, and whilst he didn’t enjoy it, he also didn’t hate it. It gave him a chance to occupy his mind, and a chance to get free food from his favourite diner. Two things he didn’t necessarily despise. He also hadn’t thought about his leg all evening, he realised, climbing into bed with the usual amount of heaving effort. Besides, the pills could wait for a while. They were still an option, it wasn’t as though he couldn’t just take them in a few days.

That night, Simon slept completely dreamlessly — a rarity, considering the chilling nightmares that had been plaguing him for weeks on end, now. And you were right. The morning was a little more refreshing, cheered him up just a bit more than he had been feeling the night before.

He wrapped his fingers around his phone, resting on the pillow beside him.

Pancakes? Was the lone word he sent to your number the next morning, 6am on the dot.

Taglist: @moonfriesbruv @snburntandsad @asweetheart @vampsauce91

(This is the depressed Ghost fic I mention a few weeks ago, remember?)

This is one of the most favourite series I’ve written so far, so I hope you enjoyed ❤️

Please ask for the taglist, and feel free to share any thoughts below! Every comment makes me inexplicably happy :)

[90sbee]

Sometimes a saviour is a soldier afraid of peace

Levi Ackerman x Fem!Reader

4.4k words. Also on ao3.

He looks at her in quiet admiration.

He doesn’t deserve her. But again, he doesn’t really deserve anything. He already has gotten too much: spoiled by the sweet possibility of life when all his comrades have fallen, their bodies twisted, mangled by titans and enemies alike.

Levi hardly cries, but he wants to cry in that moment. She turns on the stove for him, and rummages through his cabinets. She finds two cups and a sob is trapped inside his throat.

He doesn’t fucking understand why she stays, why she puts up with his sorry ass but, damn it. Damn it if he at least doesn’t try.

The war is over, but the demons still haunt Levi. Luckily for him, the last member of his Squad seems focused on remaining by his side as they both face this new enemy: peace.

This was !!! My first fic written in English, actually. Also my first (and only time so far) writing for aot. Levi is such an angsty angel, and this story wouldn’t leave my head, so I had to end up writing it, ofc. This has been in the drafts for... months. Too many months already. And tbh I'm not a fan of how it came out. But. Posting it in case someone else can enjoy Levi finally getting some love and comfort, sjsjs.

Content: Use of 3rd person pronouns. No use of y/n. Mostly Levi's pov. Reader was part of his Squad. Post!Rumbling Levi. Written with the manga ending in mind. A lot of fluff, rude Levi even if he doesn't mean it (but reader knows he means no harm). Healing. Spooning (Levi as the little spoon btw. He deserves it).

Warnings: depressive thoughts, self confidence issues. Mentions of past violence (but nothing gruesome, it's all in passing). SFW. No beta reader we die like everybody in Aot here.

They always meet. Every single day, she leaves her little flat to find him near the fountain in the Marleyan park, eager to push his wheelchair and pass some time with him.

Levi doesn’t understand. When Onyankopon, or Falco, or Gabi let her take the wheelchair, he just ponders. He could understand why they would accompany him: because he is old? because they feel pity of him?… But her?

Nonetheless, every single afternoon, she comes to him. He doesn’t recall when this custom began. It’s like slowly, but surely, she started digging a place into his routine. She was part of his remaining squad, and he really didn’t see any point to her bubbling-self still being by his side.

Still, he appreciates her visits. She exchanges pleasantries with Gabi, already smiling. Why is she smiling?

“Hi, Captain,” she says. Should he feel mocked? He isn’t a captain anymore and the title feels too much, even if it’s comforting in some way. Levi doesn’t reply. He just nods, silently acknowledging her presence. “Is it okay if we go to the stalls for a while, Captain?” She inquires, as if it was the first time they did it, and not a weekly occurrence. His jaw tenses. He doesn’t understand, still. She surely pities him. She has to.

He agrees to her proposal, though.

“Sure,” he replies, barely any emotion on his face.

She smiles at him. For a moment, they look at each other. She sees that familiar scarred face, a grey eye gazing into her soul. He sees the older face of her remaining squad member, some wrinkles next to her eyes, her figure dressed in green. For some reason, he liked that colour on her.

He doesn’t share that with her, though.

“Let’s get going,” she adds, a little chuckle in her voice — he can hear it — as she starts pushing the wheelchair. They check out the little shops that are already so familiar. Sometimes she signals a piece of jewellery or clothes. She asks for his opinion, or points at a silly artwork, in hopes of making him laugh.

When the cold starts to set in, she stops them in front of a coffee shop.

“Wait here a second, Captain,” she tells him.

“Where would I go, anyway?” He wants to say, snarky, but he doesn’t really bother in opening his mouth. He stays silent still, perking his head up to see what’s she’s doing.

“Oi. coffee?” He complains.

She directs her gaze to him and chuckles, paying the vendor.

“I know you like tea but it’s time to broaden your horizons,” she explains. She comes up to him again, and hands him one of the cups. He sighs, but accepts the drink still.

“What is it this time?”

“Just chocolate. Hot chocolate,” she answers, already sipping hers.  She lets out a content sigh when the warmth of it starts to fill her belly.

“I don’t like chocolate,” Levi mutters under his breath. He is lying and she knows it.

“Tsk. That’s not true. Everybody likes chocolate.”

“… Fine,” he sips his drink and, admittedly, enjoys it. She hands him her drink so she can push the wheelchair again, and he takes it, guarding both cups on his lap, a familiar action for the two of them now.

“Where do we go?” She asks.

Levi shrugs. “As if I had a choice.”

She looks at him still, and when he can see her, barely from his peripheral vision, he sees a softer face. She’s waiting for his reply. He looks at her, looks at her lips. She isn’t smiling anymore. Levi sighs, suddenly feeling guilty.

He doesn’t understand still why she does this for him.

“Captain?” She says, just above a whisper, since there are people around them and they both just want to have a calm evening, without the risk of being recognised.

Levi nods before he even opens his mouth.

“The bridge.”

“Good,” she agrees as he sips from his drink again, guided by her. He does feel warmer. Levi inspects the people around him in silence, letting himself be carried, taken to a nicer place. “Hange would have like this,” he thinks. He looks down to suddenly realise he is clenching his fist, hard. “If you could even call it a hand…”

“We’re here, Captain,” she announces, letting his wheelchair rest next to a bench, overlooking the water. She takes a seat next to him, and Levi hands her the drink. He wonders if she noticed how tense he’s been feeling today.

“Be quick with that, brat, or it will get cold,” he warns, as if to pre-emptively shut down any words from her. He’s not sure he could handle it.

She just nods.

“It’s still warm,” she mentions after a moment.

The sunset is taking its place on the sky, a beautiful palette of oranges and pinks against a very flat horizon. A reminder of what was once lost.

“Good,” he says.

Levi looks at her. She is still looking forward, features illuminated by the falling sun, breeze caressing her face. There is something in his heart that aches, but he doesn’t want to think about that. He doesn’t dare to. Levi is old, too old, and too broken. And she only pities him.

He coughs to catch her attention, though.

“Hmh, yeah?” She immediately says.

“I heard the Scouts were going back to Paradis tomorrow,” he begins, the question lingering in the air. The small group was leaving first time in the morning.

“Yep.”

Levi blinks, expecting her to say more, but she doesn’t. He doesn’t want to ask. It feels… too much. He feels too exposed doing that, lower lip trembling.

“Are you going?” He finally dares to ask.

She turns back to him again, and looks at him with the sweetest gaze. Levi doesn’t miss how she looks at his lips first.

“I’m not.”

“Why?”

“I don’t have anything there,” she replies, matter-of-factly. Levi wants to hit his head against something, still uncertain about what that means. Does that mean that she has something here? Someone?

She must notice his doubts, so she lowers her gaze. “I mean. You know I lost my family during my first years as a Scout. And knowing that we tried to stop Eren… All the military forces in the island won’t be very happy to see me. Or any of us. I’ve done my part. I do not want more fighting.”

“… Right”. That still doesn’t answer his question, but it is enough to satisfy his curiosity without seeming to eager. He sips his drink again: it’s getting colder.

“You didn’t want to go, Captain?” There it was again, that fucking title that felt like a joke. He chuckles, not looking at her anymore but rather at the sunset.

“Why do you still call me like that?” He spits back.

“Captain?”

“Yeah,” His tone is unintentionally rude, but he can’t help it, not even around her.

“Well… It’s a sign of respect, don’t you think?”

Levi chuckles, amused.

“I never took you for a polite person.” He doesn’t want to look at her still. She hasn’t added anything, said anything else. What is she thinking of?

She looks at him. There’s a warmth in her belly which has nothing to do with the chocolate anymore. She knows: Her Captain has been way more vulnerable and open since the Rumbling. The little gestures that he could so easily hide before are now an open book. Or at least she feels that way, since she was always one to look at him.

It was so easy to just… stare at him. Admire him in every sense of the word, even now. When they were both soldiers they would fight alongside each other, against innumerable dangers. He was barely visible in the spectrum: always so fast, always so precise. A ray of dark hair and strong limbs, destroying everything to provide peace, to provide protection.

There was no point in denying how she felt about him… Except, maybe, to him.

“I don’t think I would like going back to Paradis,” she finally adds, finishing her drink. He seems to reflect on that idea for a moment, before nodding. He wants to ask why but he doesn’t dare to. “I’m just… comfortable here,” she finishes with a sigh. “This is okay.”

“That’s good,” he says, barely a spark of enthusiasm in his voice, but enough for her to notice.

She looks up at him again. And he feels tiny and scared suddenly, because she looks at him with wonder and care. Levi doesn’t mean to, but he ends up letting his drink fall from his hands, whether due to his nervousness or the state of his hand after the war.

“Shit,” he spits, upset.

“Sh, it’s alright, Captain.” In a second she is picking up the cup, handing him a handkerchief to dry his hands. She walks a few steps to throw both cups into a trashcan and is again, by his side. Such a quick interaction so as to ease his shame, he could notice it. “Are you alright?”

Levi still doesn’t know. He doesn’t know why she still treats him with such respect, why she seems to care so much for him. But he wants to find out, somehow. He barely nods, but she notices it.

“Good,” she says, while taking the handkerchief back. She is about to put it into her bag again when she feels a hand grabbing hers.

Levi.

He doesn’t even say anything. He doesn’t know how. She seems to understand, though, squeezing his hand, softly. Levi quickly lets her hand go, his cheeks going red. She gets behind the wheelchair again, as the sun is about to disappear, and Levi can hear her chuckling.

“Let’s get you home, Captain.”

He stays quiet, unsure if he could even say something useful.

There’s so much he doesn’t know how to say. How to do.

While she is pushing his chair he notices it again. A slight tremor in her right hand. “My wrist seems to ache lately… Must be from holding the blades for so many years,” she had explained in passing a couple weeks ago. He realises that it’s probably taking a strain on her to push him every fucking day.

“Oi,” he says.

“Yeah?”

“Stop pushing me. I can handle it,” he explains, tone serious.

“Oh, no,” her hand is trembling still. “It’s fine, it’s no bother for me, Captain.”

“… It’s an order,” he commands after a moment. She stops in her tracks and he can hear a gentle laugh coming from behind him.

“It had been a while since that, huh.” Confidently, she places one of her hands on his shoulder, gently tapping it. Levi smiles. Barely curving his lips, but he does. He is about to be brave, hold her hand on his shoulder when she removes it from him. “Shit,” he thinks. “Too slow… Too slow? Slow for what? Tsk.”

Despite his missing fingers, he can still push his wheelchair quite properly. It also helps that he can see his street far ahead. She walks comfortably besides him, a silence and gentle ghost as his most devoted companion.

Yeah. There’s definitely something aching in his chest. He had been noticing the past days, feeling getting more painful as they both approach his place. And it has nothing to do with his faulty joints or damaged body or excessive age.

When they reach his door, she asks for his key. Levi gives it to her, his hand lingering for a second too long, reflecting on the brief touch of hands as she grabs it to unlock the door.

He is tired.

And he feels incredibly silly when he realises he doesn’t want her to leave.

“There we go, Captain. I help you in?” she suggests with a bright smile, opening the door.

“… Yes.”

She steps inside and pushes the chair into his living room, almost getting it next to his couch.

“That’s enough” he decides, in a semblance of independency he still wants to maintain.

She nods. “Okay… I guess… I’ll get going, Captain.”

Levi lifts up his gaze. He wants to ask… He wants to know… He savours her image for a moment, her tired expression and the way her dress now looks clumsy and wrinkled but he doesn’t care. Before, before everything had ended up like this he would remind every single cadet to iron their uniforms, all the outfits presentable, so as to look like respectable soldiers and honourable bodies if the occasion arose. Now she can have the privilege of looking messy. Of not worrying about death so often.

“No,” he mutters.

“Huh?” she inquires, taking a step forward.

“Shit,” Levi thinks. “I… I want tea,” he makes up a quick lie.

“Oh, sure. Yes, Captain.” She leaves her bag on the couch and goes into the kitchen, getting a kettle full of water.

He looks at her in quiet admiration.

He doesn’t deserve her. But again, he doesn’t really deserve anything. He already has gotten too much: spoiled by the sweet possibility of life when all his comrades have fallen, their bodies twisted, mangled by titans and enemies alike.

Levi hardly cries, but he wants to cry in that moment. She turns on the stove for him, and rummages through his cabinets. She finds two cups and a sob is trapped inside his throat.

He doesn’t fucking understand why she stays, why she puts up with his sorry ass but, damn it. Damn it if he at least doesn’t try.

He stands up. His body still holds that ability, though his legs get tired rather quickly. He can still walk, so he does until he reaches the kitchen. She is still deciding on the teas when she sees him.

“Oh, no, Captain, please, just don’t…”

He interrupts her, grabs her waist carelessly and pushes her towards the couch, barely moving her.

“Let me handle it myself.”

“Levi…” She whispers, their faces inches apart.

“Go. Sit,” he mumbles, biting his lips and sending his eyes lower, so as to avoid her face.

“Are you sure?” She inquires a moment after, still close to him. He notices she has a hand on his waist as well, a protective aid making sure he stays on two feet.

“Yes,” he says, more commanding this time. He grabs that hand of hers and pushes her away gently now.

She nods, understandingly.

“I’ll be in the living room,” she adds.

Levi nods at her, making sure she finally gets that ass of hers in the couch. He is now faced with his kitchen. Most of the cups and teas, everything has been moved lower, so as to accommodate to his wheelchair. Slowly, he kneels, searching for a specific flavour for her. When he finally finds the peppermint and rose one, he mentally cheers. He stands up again, slowly, as if to show confidence, making sure from his peripheral view that she isn’t coming to his aid.

She isn’t. He catches her averting her eyes, though. A confirmation that she has been staring.

He decides to stare as well. Supporting himself on his weakened legs, he waits for the kettle to boil, while looking at her. It’s as if she could notice that, because her head doesn’t move, still fixated on an indescriptible point in his living room.

“Oi, what you looking at?” He says, a bit more light-hearted.

A smile forms on her lips before she even turns her head towards him. She doesn’t answer. Just keeps smiling at him.

“Fuck,” he thinks when he realises he has also slightly curved his lips.

Quickly he turns towards the stove, the kettle already boiling. Levi carefully fills the cups with water, letting the leaves rest. He lifts his gaze up to her for a second but it is already enough for her to notice.

“Need help with the cups?” Her, always so worried, so in tune with his needs. No need for words.

“Of fucking course.”

Still, the only answer he gives her is a polite nod. She stands up, approaching him.

“I’ll handle it, Captain. Just take a seat.”

He lets out a sigh, taking himself to the couch and plopping himself there.

“It’s hard,” Levi thinks as he sees her come back to the living room, two cups in her hands. He accepts the drink, his gaze not leaving her features. “I… I can’t.”

He knows he can’t accept kindness: he doesn’t know how to. Still, he tenses his jaw and forces himself to sip the tea as she takes a seat next to him.

“Peppermint, huh?” She hums mostly to herself.

 “… Yeah,” comes out of his mouth, unsure, less braver than expected. Is he insecure? Has he made a mistake?

“Good choice” She declares and he breathes again, realising that he had been holding his breath. “Bet you already knew that, right?” She adds, cocking her head.

Levi looks at her again. He has been avoiding her eyes but he hadn’t been trained as a soldier to back down in times of peace.

“I did,” he says, his tone firm, a very weak attempt at showing confidence still. “It’s the one you would always ask for when we would have meetings with the Scouts.”

“It’s good tea.” Her tone seems softer now.

Levi hums, too deep inside his mind to notice it.

She wonders. Wonders if he has ever realized that the only reason she would wander through the headquarters late at night was just to be found and reprimanded by him, the way she would be easily entertained by Levi’s stern face. Wondered if Hange had ever told him about the time she had fallen asleep in their office and woke up, mumbling his name, much to Hange’s delight, though they had promised to keep it a secret.

He looks down at his legs, at his carpeted floor.

He wonders if she had ever noticed the way he would mindlessly lick his lips after looking at her, the boring uniform suddenly a beautiful outfit, making her stand out. Wonders if it was too late to tell her that, yes, after Hange and her had found him, and stitched him up, that he had heard every single word she had uttered near his heart, softly pressing her timid hands on his chest. There hadn’t been time then to discuss anything or even think if it had meant anything else than old scouts being protective of each other, but now…

They finish their teas in silence. It isn’t uncomfortable, rather the opposite, despite the fact that Levi has started nervously tapping his feet against the floor. It is dark outside already, the light from the lamps flowing into Levi’s house, a dog barking a few blocks away.

She stands up, makes sure to wash her cup in the sink and put it away before returning to him.

“Captain?” She mutters. No need for more words.

Levi hands her the cup with slow movements, as if trying to prolong that insignificant action for as long as possible. And when she is already about to head into the kitchen, little plate and teacup in her hand, he decides to be brave. No more lying to himself, no more being a coward. Too many people have died, have bleed, have sacrificed the little they had for a selected group of survivors to be able to live. To enjoy the remaining Earth. For the little ones that survived to be able to find some meaning. Something worth all the pain.

Basking in the fear serves no one. In fact, makes all the death meaningless.

So, Levi looks up at her and grabs her hand, even if he is scared still. Trembling fingers dancing on hers until they secure her hand softly in his. He feels warm even if he doesn’t know what to say, how to convey what he feels. Such a shadow of the man he was. So stupid now.

Levi just wants her to say.

She gasps at the contact but quickly composes herself. A shy smile showing up on her face. They stay like that for a moment, neither daring to break the silence.

“Levi?” She asks after a moment, moving closer to his face, as if asking for permission.

He can only look at her lips in reply.

She shortens the distance between them and kisses him on his lips. It isn’t a big kiss, too flashy or provocative: just a tender contact between two broken people. As soon as he has processed what was going on, she has already moved forward, pressing a kiss on the tip of his nose.

And then, even higher, another kiss on his forehead, her lips remaining close to his face. Levi can’t say anything. Barely reacting. But when she looks at his eyes, she is greeted by the sweet glimmer of tears in them.

Levi. Happy, at last.

And as if reading his mind, she utters: “Do you want me to stay, Levi?”

“Yes. Yes, I do.”

She complies. In the quiet, late hours of the night, Levi wakes up, his body feeling too rested already. It was a habit hard to break, he wouldn’t sleep much anyway. He sighs still, feeling her body pressing against his, holding him from behind. She has one hand on his shoulder, the other keeping him safe and secured, hugging his waist close. He dares to smile and grab that hand across his belly with both of his hands, so as to make sure that it is real: he is being held. There is someone else with him. Levi isn’t alone. Someone is taking care of him. Someone he’s been devoted to for so many years.

He wants to nuzzle up closer, hide in her chest or neck and feel more.

But he doesn’t dare to. He can’t allow himself to do that yet. 

So he stays awake in silence, hearing the soothing and steady rhythm of her heartbeat.

Levi still doesn’t understand, though.

He doesn’t want to think of why she has chosen him, how he got this privilege so late in his life, when all hope seems to be lost and the thought of a partner didn’t cross his mind at all. He also doesn’t know what to do with this gift, this blessing. Why? How? He is such a crippled shadow of what he used to be. Slow, so consumed by roughness and violence and so useless now.

He has always had something to fight for: his life, his friends, his Squad, Erwin, Hange. Yet since the Rumbling he has just… fallen behind. He is just existing and it seems like his body has finally caught up to his age: no longer agile and strong, but a weakened man, finally leaving the survival mode that has characterised every single aspect of his life. He doesn’t have any goals or dreams now. Everything had been slowly trampled down like the titans destroying all land and all life.

He shivers, remembering that day and holds her hand tighter.

Once he had completed the promise made to Erwin, his last order, he had nothing more. No more commands. No more slaying titans.

Just existing.

He doesn’t want that. He has been a fighter, a rebel, a monster his whole life. He only knew of endurance and compliance with the spirit of life, of resistance. He doesn’t know of anything else: the calmness, the quietness, the routine walks and just reading books and sitting on his porch… That is not him. That isn’t life. Being able to choose things for himself, devour life gently and enjoy it instead of painfully trying to keep it close, to grip it between calloused fingers… Peace isn’t familiar.

He has nothing to devote himself to, nothing to prove or fight for.

“Yeah,” he thinks. “Everything is… meaningless… Or it was.”

He closes his eyes, relinquishing himself in the warm body against his.

Some things… Some things have meaning still.

Her.

The way she would scrunch her nose when laughing or buy him drinks or attempt to make him laugh or wear that damn stupid wrinkled dress and — “Fuck. I know her so much by now…”

She had been a Scout too. She had fought and devoted her heart and did everything a Scout had to do. She had fulfilled her duty in the same way he did. She has survived and she doesn’t regret a single thing. Not even this life.

She is at peace.

He wants to sob.

He doesn’t understand peace. Sure, it was his goal, what he always dreamed of, but, damn it. Levi had never thought he would actually get to see something resembling it. Unlike her. She understood what it was: she has accepted peace with open arms and a smile that — fuck, somehow— has been shining on her face throughout the years. Despite so much pain and death…  She still allows herself to fucking live in peace. She forgave herself for the death, for the pain and crimes and let go.

He isn’t sure if he can do the same.

Peace is foreign, strange even. An oddity. And he isn’t stupid, he knows that time would run up someday and that things would turn against them for a second time.

But, still, the promise of the rest of his life in peace lingers.

He could have it.

He fucking could.

Levi reflects on those thoughts for a moment, silent still.

He thinks he can get to an agreement. Maybe, when she wakes up in the morning, he can try to spill his soul to her a little. Try to understand how she handles this life, how she can get up in the mornings after killing so much, and just have tea with him.

But for now, in the quietness of the night, as the old warrior he was, he does the only thing he knows: he promises to dedicate his heart once more.

He finally has a reason, a purpose, something worth protecting again.

Levi lifts his hand, crossing it on his chest the way all Scouts would do. But he doesn’t press it on his heart, but rather, moves it to hold her hand, the one resting on his shoulder. He squeezes it gently, suddenly feeling too overwhelmed by her. By the silent love she had been proclaiming to him all these years and that he couldn’t reciprocate before.

Yes. Now it is the time.

Levi would dedicate his heart once more.

To her and only her.

That may have been the cheesiest ending ever written but !!!! He deserves it, I know. Also someone stop me before I write for Hange, the feelings got to me indeed. Dividers by @/cafekitsune @/saradika and @/vase-of-lilies

[thelostgirl21]

Julian Alfred Pankratz (a.k.a. Jaskier) going directly for the jugular since the early 1230s.

- How can you think my feelings for you are a lie? - Because that is who you are, Radovid, at your core.

I kind of loved that, when Jaskier finally decided that he'd had enough and fought back against his bully in "Sirens of the Deep", he knew exactly what to say to hit Zelest where it would hurt him the most.

It showed that, even as a child, Jaskier was highly aware of the power of words, perceptive of other people's deepest fears and unresolved issues, and vicious enough to target those directly for threatening things and/or people he holds dear.

I also found it interesting that Zelest is the bastard son of a king that spent his whole life trying to prove himself to him in the hopes of finally being worthy of his father's love and recognition.

And that, the very moment King Usveldt finally gave Zelest what he thought he'd been after all along - the very moment that he finally said "watch yourself, son" - in a last-ditch attempt to maintain his power and control over him - was the moment where Zelest realized that he no longer wanted it!

Jaskier left Bremervoord to become who he wanted to be. Zelest stayed, trying to gain the love, approval and acceptance of someone that simply had none to give.

Zelest, as a child, felt so small and vulnerable, that he kept overcompensating by picking on those that he perceived as being even smaller and more vulnerable than himself to make himself feel bigger and stronger.

And, as an adult, he essentially became a vessel for his father's prejudices and cruelty.

But that isn't who he is. And,the very second King Usveldt realized that he'd lost his hold over Zelest - the very second he no longer had any use for him - he called him nothing but a mistake that he'd always wanted to erase, and ordered his death!

He even implied that the only reason he was willing to put up with how much of a disappointment his legitimate son, Agloval, was to him, was because of his obsession with his own legacy!

And I was truly glad that Jaskier was there to witness Zelest finally having the courage to take a stand against the person that had caused them both so much pain (as Zelest's own issues had caused him to take that pain out on Jaskier), and to reveal himself to be someone fundamentally honorable, that would rather fight to protect others than push for senseless war.

I was glad that Jaskier got to fully witness just how bad things had been for Zelest, and where all that hurt, pain and violence had come from.

Not because that justified any of what Jaskier himself (and others) had been through at the hands of Zelest nor made everything okay again.

But it opened the door for the two of them to really start healing from their respective traumas, better understand it, and move on.

For Jaskier, more specifically, it gave him the chance to understand that he'd never deserved any of this, and to gain some recognition and respect from the person (Zelest) that used to redirect his own suffering on him.

And the saddest part, perhaps, was that no one appeared to mourn Zelest's loss, or truly be affected by it, in the end, besides Jaskier.

When Geralt mentioned that Usveldt used to have two sons, and now he had none, it was clear that the king still only cared about how Zelest's loss affected him.

As for Agloval, I suppose that he wouldn't have been too inclined to discuss his half-brother's death with his heartless father - so maybe he did mourn him off screen, at the very least, but the movie never showed it.

Zelest's violent death, however, caused Jaskier enough emotional distress for him to pick up Zelest's sword in the aftermath, and launch himself at a group of vodyanoys that hadn't even appeared to have been paying any attention to him until then (even that first one that Jaskier attacked had to turn around a bit to better face him... So, it really looks like the first blow came from Jaskier, not the other way around!)!

Jaskier went from having fantacized about Zelest dying of syphilis in a debtor prison half blind, crazed and salivating...

To being so upset about his death, that he stupidly grabbed the man's sword and tried taking on four freaking vodyanoys at once on his own (I'm sorry, but more than ever, I'm 100% convinced that this bard has a solid case of ADHD!)!

Because, shortly before reaching that point, Jaskier had heard Zelest openly acknowledge that he had been right to leave, and then he'd seen him pull the same "plank trick" that he'd used to torment him back in the days, but to save his and Geralt's lives with it this time around instead.

Zelest took a painful memory that they both shared, and used it to protect Jaskier and someone he loves.

And, from the way we could see Jaskier smile in that scene, it seemed that Zelest had just successfully managed to go from a personal tormentor to a personal hero in Jaskier's heart.

The moment Zelest finally allowed himself to stop trying to please others and embrace who he is instead - the moment he stopped being a potential threat to Jaskier to instead adopt a protective role towards him - I think Jaskier genuinely fell in love and connected with him in the puppy-like way he often does with people.

All the unconditional love, acceptance, understanding, and admiration that Zelest had spent his whole life searching in his father's eyes, he finally received from Jaskier - the boy he used to have fun tormenting - instead.

And then, the sea witch took him, Jaskier lost him, and the grief really hit him!

Zelest was both loved and mourned by a person that had every reason to hate him, while the one person he'd devoted his whole life to only wished him dead.

A part of me really wishes that Zelest would have been given a happier ending - one where he'd have had the chance to experience a life free from his father's toxic influence, and free to fully figure out who he is - but life is often unfair, sadly, and rarely about what one deserves.

So while, in the presence of someone that he perceives as a (potential) threat, Jaskier has been known to be very effective when it comes to the art of throwing salt on the biggest exposed, bleeding wound he can find...

(Ex:

Zelest: Not being "good enough" to be worthy of his father's love and recognition.

Radovid: Yearning for a sincere connection with someone that can see and love him for who he is, rather than who he needs to pretend to be to keep himself safe at court.)

...it seems that, when that person ceases to be an immediate (potential) threat to him, and Jaskier's given the chance to take a good glimpse at the reasons that pushed them to say and do those stupid things, then Jaskier's ability to forgive, love, and care for them is incredibly huge.

But confusing...

So, so confusing...

Poor Radovid...

Although I do admire how fast he can recover!

[throneofsapphics]

Hello how are you Irene??? I hope you’re well you amazing thing!

If you’re a still taking requests, could I please ask for Rhyzriel and a sick or injured reader? Gimme that hurt/comfort trope badddddd 😂😂😂

Love you and your work!! ❤️❤️

horrible timing

Rhyzriel x Reader

Summary: Rhys and Azriel come home, finding you injured. 

Warnings: injury, mentions of blood 

A/N: thank you so much <3 I’m doing well! I hope you’re having a great day !

It was stupid, really, how you ended up in this situation. Falling up the stairs, mother above. You’d deserve any teasing coming your way. Gritting your teeth, trying to drag yourself up and yelping. Something was broken, but you couldn’t figure out what. 

“Fuck, fuck, fuck.” 

You chanted as many curses as you could, like that might alleviate some of the pain currently shooting up and down your leg. Daring a look down, you saw - nope, and tilted your head back up to the ceiling. 

Running the stairs in the House of Wind. Cassian’s idea. Now, you were stuck on step one-thousand something, both Rhys and Azriel out in Illyria, and Cassian upstairs. Maybe he’d come looking for you if you didn’t return. 

After a few minutes of careful breathing, you realized you’re the only one who can get yourself out of this situation. Miserable, this was misery in it’s prime. Given the situation, you figured some dramatics are acceptable. 

Palms pressing against the stone, you winced as your upper body took on the brunt of your weight, alternating each push with a yell - as if someone might hear. 

Maybe twenty stairs, and you were already exhausted - your head swirling, nausea creeping in. You pinched your cheek, now is a horrible time to fall asleep. 

-

Rhys couldn’t quite put a finger on it, but he knew something was wrong. Off. He and Azriel were due back that night, and the only thing getting him through dealing with the Devlon was the knowledge you’d be waiting there for them. Maybe awake with a book, or a cup of tea, waiting for them, cuddled in a blanket. 

Rhys, Cassian’s panicked voice came through, faint with the distance. 

What? He questioned, panic starting to rise in him. It took minutes for the reply to come back. 

She’s hurt. Fuck. Devlon was still pattering about something insignificant. 

“There’s something we need to deal with,” he said coolly, hiding his panic, and held an arm out to Azriel. “We’ll be back.” 

Azriel followed his lead without question, and he dropped them into the sky just above the house of wind, flying the rest of the way in. 

The first thing he scented was blood. Your blood. Then your fear, and a hint of your pain. 

-

Apparently someone heard your yells, or realized something was wrong, because you awoke laid out on a couch, Cassian crouched next to you. 

“Don’t look,” he advised. “Mor’s getting Madja. They’re on their way.” 

Relief filled you, mostly that they, meaning Azriel and Rhys, were on their way. 

“I’m an idiot,” you grumbled. 

“We've all been here,” he chuckled, “how did this happen?” 

“Will you keep it a secret?” 

His mouth tilted up at the corners, but the smile didn’t quite reach his eyes. “I promise.” 

“I fell up the stairs.” 

Laughter, and then rapid footsteps. Cassian backed up, clearing the way, and Azriel and Rhys were there in seconds, a blink and they’d crossed the room, even though they couldn’t winnow in here. 

Rhys’s hands ran over your face, panicked, and paled when he saw your leg. “I wouldn’t look,” you said a bit weakly. 

The pain started coming through again, the tiny relief of adrenaline wearing off. You vaguely heard Mor telling them Madja’s on her way, but pain encompassed every inch of your being. Flaring through your nerves, flooding your senses, vision, screaming at you, taking over every sense, and black greeted you, unconsciousness tugging you back under. 

Complex break. A week to heal. Take it easy. 

Fragmented phrases came in, your vision blurring in and out. Head tilted, a tonic poured down your throat, your body too weak and limp to try and protest. Gods, it was nasty. 

When you came into full consciousness, you were awake in your bed. Clean, changed, and tucked into cozy blankets and pillows. A hum of content left your throat, not unlike a purr. 

Clattering against wood. Peeking your eyes open, Azriel had dropped a dagger on the dresser, a sharpening stone still in his other hand. You gave him a weak smile, and he crossed the room in a few powerful strides, sitting next to you on the bed, clutching your hand like a lifeline. 

Cold, your hand was cold, even in the absolutely boiling room. His was warm against you, scarred skin brushing the cold away, his thumb running soothing strokes over the back of your hand. 

Azriel didn’t say anything, only looked at you like he was seeing you for the first time again, memorizing every inch of you. 

“Hello,” you said quietly, giving his hand a small squeeze. 

“Hello,” he replied, brushing some of the hair away from your face. 

The door quietly opened, Rhys sliding in. 

“You could’ve told me she’s awake,” he hissed at Azriel, shoving him off the bed, taking his place next to you. The other male grunted, pinning Rhys with a look that promised vengeance. He didn’t notice, only running his hand up and down your cheek. 

“How do you feel?” 

You wiggled your fingers, and they felt heavy, like you were trying to push against something. The same thing with your toes, but … there was some kind of hard bandage wrapped around your left shin and calf. Kicking your other foot, you started trying to push down the blankets. Rhys picked up on it, and much more gently tugged them the rest of the way down. Sure enough, thick bandages covered the entire area. But … you couldn’t feel any of the pain, everything was numb. 

“Numb,” you’d come across the right word. 

“That would be the tonic,” he said dryly. 

Azriel was still glaring at him, and you caught his eye, patting the mattress on your other side. They could share. Still silently seething, he settled on your other side, looping his arm around your shoulders. 

“How did this happen?” 

“Cassian didn’t tell you?” 

“He refused,” Rhys answered. “Said you asked him to keep it a secret.” 

A small laugh, “I forgot about that.” 

“How did this happen?” Azriel repeated himself, not seeming quite happy to do it. 

“Your shadows didn’t tell you?” you teased. It was rare you knew something he didn’t. 

Put him out of his misery, Rhys said to your mind, he’s been trying to figure it out for days. 

Days, you’d been out for days.

“Promise you won’t make fun of me?” 

“Never, darling.” 

A slow exhale, and you leaned into Azriel, his arm tightening around your shoulders. 

“I fell up the stairs,” you mumbled, burying your face into his side. Neither replied, but you felt his chest moving - a barely concealed laugh. You pinched his side, but he didn’t react. “I told you not to make fun of me,” you said a bit louder. 

“We haven’t said anything,” Rhys moved closer, voice laced with amusement. 

“You’re laughing.”