#they are similar in many ways but some ppl dont realize it. but they are.

[trainerethan]

I am coming to love leaf too. To me she is also autistic. But instead of having a very blank 😐 face like red she defaults to 🙂 to come off as more friendly. Red isnt Unfriendly he just has the flat affect of all time and doesn't bother/never learned how to mask/force himself to emote 'properly' in social settings. Leaf also technically isn't the best at emoting "normally" she just defaults to the 😃🙂 smile which can be either very sweet and friendly or can make people a little uncomfortable if it's not the type of situation you'd typically smile in. Also I like the idea of her and red being twins. The autism sisters insert that meme of the cats.

[arolesbianism]

I love drawing Aris as sif so much she's so cutsies. It almost makes up for the horrors of having to draw her as sif. Almost.

[crushedsweets]

Who are the people that Toby likes the most?

Natalie, Jack, and Ben!

Toby has known Natalie for about 5 years, and Jack for 4, and Ben for 3. ok now im gonna do long ass headcanons for their relationships bc im just soooooooo silly . .

toby and natalie knew eachother when they were at the height of like.. using murder as a relief/power trip. it was a really sick and fucked up thing to bond over, and it wasnt something either of them took lightly or as a joke. but it was something they did talk about, moreso 'let me tell you about my night' and they'd kinda just allude to the murder part of it. eventually, natalie stopped killing as much (and stuck strictly to freak weirdo men at bars/clubs who try taking advantage of ppl). toby doesn't have the luxury to stop bc he only did it when the situation/order calls for it.

they usually just lounge around together. watch trash reality tv, natalie was ashamed of her art for a while but toby loves getting her to show him her stuff. toby taught her how to axe throw and cut down trees. he helped fix up the barn she stays in so it's actually livable. he even got brian to help with shit like insulation cuz theres no heat/ac in it. sometimes he does her hair if shes having an awful night. she never had someone to brush her hair growing up, having no mother/sister/girl friends, and finds it to be insanely fucking relaxing. lulls her to sleep so quick. it reminds toby of lyra and he cried one time after she fell asleep from it. she never found out about it.

toby was the first proxy to be nice to jack. not that tim and brian were horrible to jack (only after he was . . 'tamed' i guess). but toby was the first one to like, bring him things, talk to him, actually attempt bonding. if tobys feeling lonely and natalies not in the mood to entertain, jack was almost always welcoming. ok maybe not welcoming in the like :) hiiii toby. way. but in the. 'ok yea whatever come in i guess' way.

jack used to cook a lot before he was sacrificed. now he doesnt have the same taste buds, and while he can eat human food, its all pretty bland to him. best he can enjoy is insanely spicy stuff, and thats more sensation rather than flavor. BUT TOBY. that fucking dude can EAT. he's brought like a fat steak and veggies and rice and random shit to jacks and asked him to make him dinner. and oddly enough jack was willing to do it. toby continued to do that stuff. jack didnt know about tobys CIPA for a while and was baffled when this white boy from rural colorado could actually handle the spice anytime jack made south asian food LOL.. ("how much spice do you want" "i dont care make it as spicy as you like" "toby are you sure of this" "yeah i can take it").

of the 3, toby is the least close to ben. mostly bc ben is best fucking friends w jeff and toby doesnt like jeff very much(who does?). plus toby figured ben was like a kid and wasnt exactly crazy about being besties with a 12 yr old. But then ben played some video games with him. ben doesnt really Act like an. ipad fortnite tiktok middle shcool type of kid so toby was like Oh he's cool i guess.!

they dont have much in common at all tbh, didnt have similar childhoods and toby didnt play many video games growing up. BUT toby finds so much joy in just having a fucking boyish childish fun stupid relationship where he could play video games and talk shit and eat like crap with yk. they have a very brotherly friendship and it's kinda weird for toby being on the big sibling side of something, but he's fond of it. they get into petty arguments about stupid shit, and went a while without talking bc toby punched jeff and jeff was bitching like 'uumm dont hang out with that prick' and ben was like lmfao ok. toby didnt even realize ben wasnt talking to him tho. . ("hey sorry i was avoiding u jeff was bitching" "u were avoiding me ?????")

[blubushie]

I hate how many characters get transmasc'd. its not that i hate trans ppl or whatever, its that it 99% of the time happens to popular male characters with an afab fanbase. And that those male characters also get woobified and infantilized. Its happening with scout tf2 and its happening with daisuke (from Mouthwashing. hes a relatively innocent/morally good character who is described as a ray of sunshine, incompetent at his job on a flight crew, but willing to learn.) They both get mischaracterized as uwu flowercrown-wearing meowmeow blorbos and, obviously, get trans-masc'd. it feels like the fanbase just doesnt want to admit they like a male character but dont want the backlash of genderbending, so they just make him trans. thats just Man Lite! Thats not really a guy, just a cute girl with short hair we call 'man'! that means its okay to like him now, not when he was an icky cis guy! idk if im making any sense. i hate how people stereotypically trans male characters' gender. its like they cant like a man wholeheartedly unless they 'soften the edges' by making him 'less of a man' via transness, whether they realize it or not.

Bad bait but in the off chance it's not:

Have you considered that a lot of these are trans men who are seeing themselves in a character and headcanoning to share something more physical with them?

I do agree somewhat with the latter part of that paragraph but I do not like how you phrased that. I'm sure there's something there but I find it more concerning if people are doing that out of the sense that trans men are "men lite" and not real men. Because they are real men. Maybe I'm being sensitive but "That's not really a guy, just a cute girl with short hair we call 'man'!" rubbed me the wrong way, hyperbole or not.

That said I think the vast majority of people doing this are either doing it for a diversity aspect of a largely cis cast, or for point #1. People see a character similar to themselves and want to share more similarities with them so they feel more represented and less alone.

A more common trend I've noticed is that characters who are canonically personalised as immature (at least in comparison to their peers) are the ones getting the trans headcanons. I personally would like to see more Very Mature And Masculine Men headcanoned as trans, but also this varies by fandom widely, and while I want to see them it doesn't mean I hate other trans headcanons. In TF2 it's mainly Scout, but I can reckon that's because he's the youngest on the team and a lot of the fanbase (especially here on Tumblr) vibe with him on the level of young and brash and cocky. And again, this varies by fandom. The character that most people will trans HC varies widely, though it's often the character that the majority of the fanbase has something in common with.

I'm gonna be honest mate anytime someone has to start a paragraph with "I don't hate [demographic] but-" the next thing to come out of their mouth immediately makes it sound like they don't like that demographic. And you sound like you don't like trans people all that much.

Work on that whether you're cis or trans, cuz you sound like you got some prejudice going on either way.

[sir-arlieosaurus-lung-struggler]

the aromantic is confuesed

☆ Aromantic culture is just genuenly not understanding the difference between romantic relationships and platonic friendships.

☆ Fyi: apologies for the plethora of "like," statments, it just feels more natural for some reason. I expect this to possibly get hated on? I dont know, couldnt care less if it dose tho 🤷🏻��♂️

☆ Like, I just dont understand the concept of cheating. I get its considered bad. I get why its considered bad as its a breach of trust/boundaries/etc, but i dont understand why people prefer to be monogamous as i genuinely just dont see a difference between friends and romantic partners, I get that there is a difference, i respect that differece where people draw it themselves, I just can't see it.

☆ Like, I see the difference between queerplatonic relashionships & friendship, but I just can't distinguish any other type of relashionship & romance for some reason.

☆ And i just dont get why theres a distinction between monogamy & polyamory either? Like, were people? Why not be open to the possibility of feelings not following the preset mold of a random relashionship Hiarchy? Like ofc you can have your own rules in a relashionship, but I just dont get why monogamy with the 1 perfect "other half of you" is the priority vs fulfillment? Like, I don't expect 1 person to be my "other half" for the rest of my life, nor do I want someone to expect that of me cause that just feels like dumping way to many expectations onto 1 person. And like, you can devide yourself amoung multiple friends why not multiple romantic partners?

☆ And i dont get wanting a lifelong relashionship like that? I mean i do get wantinv 1 but expecting 1 i feel is just throwing alot of expectations on anither person, people change, feelings change, alot changes in life. It reminds me of how people are expected to choose what they want to do for the rest of your life as a teenager.

☆ Why r y'all bringing the government into your relashionship? And why do y'all STRIVE for that? Like, "lets officially legaly combine ourselves into a unit and make it real damn difficult if we end up seperating." Why should having a romantic partner logustically help you in life?? Like "hey, these 2 ppl said i do infront of an officiant, lets see if we can improve theyre taxes." How is they're logistically a "making this relashionship official" outside of- consenting parties deciding they're in a relashionship????

☆ Like, everyone was assigned to make a different venn diagram and label it with arbitrary concepts and they're relation/similarities/lack thereof, and its graded on participation; But everyone still argued over the non answer because they just can't fathom they're being no wrong answer.

☆ This isn't really meant to change anyones mind on romance, do whatever tf you want with your relashionships its your life; This is just me being real fucking confused at why people arbitrarily made these catagories lol.

☆ This was origonally gonna be an ask on an aromantic culture is blog but I quickly realized this was gonna be way too long for that.

☆ I may or may not add more mini rants to this in future reblogs this is just what I could think of as I was writing. Thanks if you actually read all of this

[p0th]

ik im probably rlly late to the party but what is objectum, like is it a role play thing, is it a coping thing? I need someone to explain it to me like im 5 bc i genuinely just don't understand what it is lol

So the literal definition of being objectum is someone who's attracted to inanimate objects, whether that be platonic, romantic, sexual, or somethin else. However, looking at it with only its literal definition doesn't really account for the intricacies that such a label brings.

I just want to point out that while some people see objects as alive (the label for that being POSIC), others dont. Animism is also a similar term for where people percieve inanimate things as having souls. Personally, I dont see my object as alive, but do sometimes use gendered terms to describe them and feel comforted by their presence. People can also be objectum and be attracted to actual people too.

Being objectum is also more common in autistic people. Object personafication is a common trait seen in autism and other disorders and i can see how that can lead people to being objectum. Though I have never been formally diagnosed with anything, i am probably neurodivergent & maybe that has a part in me identifying as objectum idk!! Theres a study on autism in objectum ppl here if u want to glance over it: https://www.nature.com/articles/s41598-019-56449-0

For me, I started using the objectum label coincidentally around the time I started finally figuring out that i was aroace and not attracted to real people. I realized that the love I feel for my friends is equivalent to the love I feel for my hobbies and interests which was also the same love i felt towards certain objects. I drew this out cuz i think its a lil confusing how im saying it LOL. Theres also a thing called "conceptum" which is the attraction to concepts which I think i actually fall more into, but I just go by objectum because it is more general.

You know how people will swear they have this great relationship with nature? How they feel so so connected to plants and how they love watching the ocean and how they wish they could live outside forever because the forest is a part of their flesh and blood? How they feel more alive feeling the earths fresh air and how nature teaches them things they never even knew about themselves? okay, so, why is this normal to say but once u turn it around into something that’s an object it is insane talk!! I feel like there's this interesting dynamic where its okay to be super attached to nature but kinda weird to be super attached to inanimate things but i think i am rambling & getting off topic!!!

Personally, I dont really have objects that im attracted to in the same way I would be attracted to a human. It is very broad for me. Others though, have certain objects that they really like and thats fine. For me, going by that label just makes me comfortable even if i dont fit into the literal definition. I like computers in general, not just my own personal computer. Objectum for me is just another way to say that my love for inanimate things can be just as great as my love for animate things. Theres just so much complexity and nuance in it that it is hard to describe unless you've experienced it yourself.

As for it being a coping thing, I've heard some people say its a result of not being able to trust people due to past trauma, but i dont believe that's necessarily true for the majority of people and not too good to generalize. Ive grown up surronded by friends and in a loving environment and am able to maintain relationships with living people, but also use the label of objectum because it makes me comfortable.

I can very much see how someone can look at someone saying theyre attracted to objects and just cringe a little bit and thats okay LOL. At this point, I have been exposed to so many concepts -being online so much and surrounded by so many diverse people- that i just dont even pay it mind. But, I know a lot of people have literally never heard of this label before and are just weirded out by it. I think honestly people need to think about the limitless potential a relationship can be when in the hands of such a complex being as a human. At the end of the day though, it doesn't hurt anyone but its also okay to be a lil unsure of it as an outsider. Just be kind to others!!

Im sorry if this is a bit of word vomit, if u cant tell i got a lil too into it & my thoughts tend to be rlly scattered LOL. thank u 4 the ask & plz let me know if u need any clarity on anythin cuz i know i am very hard to follow at times !!!

[antiadvil]

thank u for being the migraine advocate around here it’s nice to see someone giving context to what phil and other migraine sufferers (like me!) deal with. i have recently started actually doing something more about my head issues than just taking utterly useless NSAIDs as needed so i dont know a lot of things yet and i didn’t know there was a word for that extreme touch sensitivity! its been especially tough since i have been dealing with 2 slow-healing ear piercings that are still pretty sensitive so i cant really have my hair down but then it also hurts to put it up 🙄 so frustrating!! anyway yeah phil is insane for the hat thing id rather die than have anything wrapped around my head like that

ahhh that means a lot to hear :') this quote is probably garbled bc it's like third or fourthhand by now but someone once told someone else that part of everyone's migraine treatment plan should be activism and somehow that quote made its way to me and i thought it was kind of silly at first but i get it now. i was like how is raising migraine awareness going to help me?? i am already aware of my migraines?? and then i realized that a big part of how i got this bad was a complete lack of understanding about my condition on so many levels and i was like oh. ohhhhhhhhh. it's too late for early intervention for me but i hope that by sharing my experiences ppl can learn from my mistakes. my migraines are super genetic, both sides of the family get bad headaches and my younger siblings have really similar headache patterns to me when i was their age, so it brings me a lot of comfort to know that whatever happens with my headaches, my siblings are better positioned to deal with theirs because of what we've learned from my experiences.

i'm glad to hear you're doing something more about your migraines!! i hope things go well for you. migraine treatment can be such a painful slog sometimes but i hope you find something that helps quickly and with minimal side effects. i love to see ppl discover treatment options other than ibuprofen bc i used to think that normal pain meds were the only way to treat headaches and i was like well no one's going to give me opioids so if ibuprofen doesn't work i should just go die i guess :') and i was right that no one was going to give me opioids lmao but i didn't realize that there were migraine-specific options. i also didn't realize that i was getting migraines but you know! that's a whole separate thing.

and the earring thing sounds super annoying! that's another downside to getting a daith piercing that i didn't consider lmao. tbh one of the reasons i'm cutting my hair (it's pretty long right now) is it's difficult to take care of when i can't put it up. i never realized how often i need to put my hair in a ponytail until it started hurting lol.

also, migraines are soooo complicated and can have so many weird symptoms, i was really lucky that the doctor who did my neurology intake was super thorough when taking a history and explained that a lot of problems i had been dealing with were actually migraine related. i'd been dealing with some weird low-level but constant congestion for a while and my neck was always stiff and achy and i thought it was maybe allergies or something wrong with my pillow but OOPS turns out those are just migraine symptoms. and there's a lot of terminology that i didn't know either, i still cringe at my misuse of the word aura for a few months (i thought it was just any migraine symptom that wasn't a headache 😭) and i also did not know what chronic migraines meant lmao. i was correct when i said i had chronic migraines but only on accident (i thought it was like, chronic if you kept getting them for months/years, bc usually chronic just means a long lasting condition but for migraines it refers to a specific number of headache/migraine days per month). and like it's just words and i don't want to place too much importance on words but it's nice to know that other people experience the same symptom and knowing medical words makes research and dealing with doctors easier. i have probably gone a little bit insane and definitely do not need to know as much about migraines as i do but oh well :') i've always felt the need to understand my treatment options and the medications i'm taking, and i am proud of the amount that i know about migraines and migraine medication and my medication specifically.

unfortunately, the wad hat remains a medical mystery, lmao, phil said it helped with migraines from his phone so i thought maybe it was a light thing?? but he seemed to think it was the pressure helping, and i do get why that helps some people when they already have a headache (even though it doesn't work out very well for me), so maybe it's just like, light sensitivity causing a headache but the headache usually goes away when he stops looking at the light? i get headaches like that sometimes, where they go away when the light source/other trigger goes away, the thing is, i always have some level of a migraine, and phil's said he doesn't get the painful ones continuously (which is what i have lmfao). but i've heard of some people with chronic migraine dealing with symptoms like photophobia during the interictal phase (and idk if he's still dealing with continuous vestibular symptoms in which case it's not really interictal anyways), so maybe it's something like that? i need someone to study phil's wad cap under a microscope. i don't expect like, broadly applicable results from this study, i just need to know.

[bg-brainrot]

ok im wondering if you regret making this blog a side blog since ppl dont like know youre following them and stuff from your main blog so like making moots is like trickier. just asking cuz i was thinking of starting a little writing side blog myself and im like debating making a new acct for it! hope u have a good day :)

Hey anon, great question!

And YES. To be honest, my previous Tumblr days were many moons ago (10+ years), so I made a new blog to start fresh. I figured my main blog would be more general and I'd add sideblogs as I felt I needed them-- little did I know I needed something like Baldur's Gate to hit me like a freight train to actually begin using Tumblr again.

Initially I thought I would use it once in a while to look at nice fan art and see if there were any cool writing challenges, but once I realized I could actually like, talk to people, I was in too deep. 🥲

It definitely makes things like asks, likes, follows weird since it comes from my dead main blog-- I can't speak for how my moots feel, but I feel awkward when I'm like 'hey it's me again, promise I'm not a robot'. If I could, I would have just repurposed my main blog as an Astarion only blog, but, alas, Tumblr doesn't have any good way to transfer blogs from what I've Googled 😞

There are probably some good ways to handle this, like I've seen folks name their blogs similar things or use their main blog for something else, but I haven't honestly found a reason to use my main one yet-- maybe if I get obsessed with something new someday!

Thanks for the ask and hope you have a nice day too! ❤️

[just-a-carrot]

okookookkokoko WHERE DO I EVEN START. I LOVE THIS GAME SM SMH BUT I HAVE A HARD TIME EXPLAINING STUFF SO TAKE THIS SHORT PASSAGE. (Most of this will be an unorganized ramble btw)

(SPOILER WARNING FOR MOST ARCS)

I played T2A2G and OC before this so um. Guess which route I did lmao. SPEAKING OF ROUTES, GENZOU GENZOU GEZNOU GEZNOU GEZNOU OMG GENZOU. I RELATE TO THIS MAN IN WAYS I DID NOT KNOW I COULD RELATE TO A CHARACTER. LIKE WTH?? HE HAS SUCH A TRANSPARENT CLOSET LOL. And also speaking of Genzou I do have a few questions related to him

-Is Genzou fully blind? I don't think he is bc of his cane but I heard it's different in some countries so idk

-We learn Genzou is (supposedly) taking antidepressants in Arc 2. Is he clinically depressed? (According to the Visual Noval Database he is anyways but idk)

-HOW TF DOES HE DEAL WITH BEING CANNIBALIZED TWICE LIKE DAMN..I WOULD HAVE A BREAKDOWN NO MATTER WHO I'M WITH??

-Did Genzou's friends ever like assume that he was gay?? Or like did he tell anyone?? Or did he try his best to hide it lmao

-Did anyone think/know that Gen had a crush on Iggy??

-GENZOU WITHOUT HIS HAT <333

I love Genzou sm if you couldn't tell already /p

ARC 3 CONFUSED ME SM LOL. I thought that I had accidently switched routes (even though I hadn't even made my LI choice, I ofc didn't know this atm though) from Genzou to Orlam and I was fr so confused like waht. Also like I feel so bad for Orlam wth </3.

HUMAN JERRY.

OO ALSO SOME MORE THINGS

-During some parts (mostly during arcs 3/4) I HAD TO PLAY A RELAXING PLAYLISTS BECASE I FELT OVERWHELMED/ANXIOUS/IDEK?? AND AT SOME POINT I JS GAVE UP AND STATED PLAYING HYPERCORE LMAO

-I LOV ELOVE LOVE THE WAY THAT THE NEUTRAL ENDING COLLIDES(???) WITH OC LIEK WHATWHDWATDHFWHWFTHAFG. IDK BUT FOR ME IT MAKES ME FEEL LIEK IT'S THE MORE "CANON" ENDING EVEN THOUGH THERE IS (probably) NO CANON ENDING.

-I IMMEDIATELY WENT TO THE GALLERY LIEK OMG??

-Some of my favorite liens in the game were the homicidal gardener lines (both referring to Iggs and Gen), when Gen was arguing with Jerry, When Genzou was telling iggs during the Arc 5 Kiddie Cruise scene that it shoudn't be a choice like I WAS GONNA CHOOSE DONT JUMP JS TO SEE WHAT HAPPENS LOL

-I also relate a lot to Iggy in some forms

-GIDGET.

-I took a total of 260 screenshots of this game (as of now heheh)

UM YH THATS ALL SORRY IF IT'S HARD TO UNDERSTAND OR TOO ENERGETIC BUT I TRULY LOVE THIS GAME SM. Ima go replay OC again byes <3 :3 BEST REGARDS ILYSM /p

KDFJLADFA this message is so chaotic, i love it

first off, i'm really happy you like the game (and genzou) weep. thank you so much for all the kind words 😭💕 i'm also always super intrigued to see where/how ppl came into the game, so hearing you played T2A2G and OC first is very interesting to me lakdjfkdjfa

regarding your questions:

yes he is; i do think he sees a bit of light/shadow (which is different to an answer i gave some time ago, but i've been thinking about it since) but that's about it; it's a result of traumatic optic neuropathy

yes he is; he's been on meds and seeing a therapist for a while

i cannot answer this question LOL 🤣 i also don't know. i guess the only answer is that he has no choice

mmm... he never outright told anyone in the friend group. tbh he doesn't outright tell many people, mostly as he's just a bit of a private person in that regard and keeps to himself outside of attempting dating apps every now and then. i would not say he actively attempted to hide it though aside from around iggy. as for other people assuming i think it was something many of them did kinda realize but never said anything also

similar here, i think some of them kinda knew. i think gidget knew, even if they kinda ignored it, because it prompted their jealousy on a few occasions. i think orlam had a bit of a guess but it wasn't really confirmed until later

LDKAJFSLDKFA THAT'S NOT A QUESTION

LOL about the routes. indeed, if you don't realize that actually all the "routes" are mandatory parts of the story until the finale then it can be confusing if you thought you were going for a specific char early on or something 🤣 it's not like the games where you can pick your route and then the rest of the game is that route

hahaha yeah i wouldn't say there's a "canon" ending. for one, i feel like that would kinda defeat the point of having different possibilities to begin with. why make other choices if there's only ever one canon ending? i want people to be able to choose however they want the story to end. i mostly connected the neutral ending to OC as a sort of self-indulgent gift to myself, because i thought it would be very sweet if iggy would still have a chance to find companionship with one of his friends later on even if he chose to focus on himself first. like that it just keeps it open. i also just thought it'd be a fun easter egg to give ppl more incentive to at least try the neutral route as i figure most ppl would not choose that route as it's kinda short compared to the others and doesn't give as much closure to the other chars

260 SCREENSHOTS LDKJFASDLFA

sob thank you for this lovely message!! it was really fun answering your questions hahaha and i'm really glad you liked the game so much!! it means a lot!! 💕

[sylsaccount]

rare ramble post

it is so hard to be like. yes i am a trans woman. yes i believe that i am biologically male. yes i hate males and i am literally kam about everything. yes i do not think of myself as a man but if someone were to ask me "does kam include all male people in general" i would say yes bc its kind of biased for me to say no and i dont think its worth it to spend the resources to figure out the like 0.001% of good ones. not that kam is a thing i realistically believe in just like. theoretically you know. idk.

its weird trying to live mostly separatist but not earnestly being part of the group u wanna separate with you know? and like. i literally dont believe in gender yet i am a gender haver. that is simplifying it for sure, its not like the way i think about things isnt consistent, but on the outside it seems like i dont make any sense. i dont get along with most rad-aligned ppl for obvious reasons, and i dont get along with other trans people for obvious reasons. ive met a lot of detrans folks lately that i get along with, but i am not and i doubt will ever be detrans myself.

ig i should say i dont get along with trans women, not trans people lol. ive known plenty of trans men over the years, some of which have been close friends. the truth is 99% of trans women act "like males", at least in my experience. and like. i just cant deal with that lol

i just made a post saying im the only real gender abolitionist so its kind of funny that i say "like males". i am not a biological essentialist nor do i like calling behaviors "masculine" or "feminine". yet any woman reading this knows exactly what im talking about. even the ones that claim to be the "good ones" that are "actually women" etc. are walking caricatures. if i have to see one more instance of that hsts slaaay yassss motherrrrr i love sabrina carpenter shit i will blow my brains out (you are fortunate if you have not encountered this group. i personally find them just as evil as those knee sock programmer catgirldick types)

i cant help but wonder if someone similar to me from an outside perspective would judge me the same way, u know? a lot of my interests are stereotypically male, i am autistic, i am kind of an asshole. ofc at the end im always like. well i have actual feminist values and i cant stand males and i always prioritize women over everything so like. its just me being anxious over nothing i think.

this is mostly unrelated but ive also been thinking a lot abt the ppl who follow me. ive had an influx of followers as of late, but there r others who have followed me for a long time. its kind of funny looking through... i have ppl that i know for a fact hate trans ppl. me being trans is not something ive ever specifically hidden, but its also not something i bring up a lot. i just realized bc of that weird anon the other day that its the first time ive explicitly mentioned it on my blog in a couple years. i couldnt help but be worried abt it! at the same time, i have some old friends i dont rly talk to anymore... a couple of which, despite knowing that i am respectful towards other individual trans ppl and that i am not truly transphobic, im sure have taken issue with the types of things i reblog and strongly personally disagree. yet as im looking over who im following, it doesnt look like ive lost mutuals from either camp.

id like to talk to more people too. its hard to dm people for me, as i think it is for many people here. i have some mutuals i would love to talk with, but i am kind of an ass, and they are kind of an ass, and thats why we follow each other, so its like... they may not even wanna be bothered like that u know? i know what its like when u have some coworker or acquaintance u like well enough but then they start trying to be buddy buddy with u and they become a nuisance. i dont wanna be that!!! i am extremely misanthropic myself so its easy to imagine being on the other end

my friend group (some irl and some online) has a little discord group chat we use. we just added someone new and its been very nice. i really do love meeting new ppl when i vibe with them...

u could say. sylvia why dont u just go meet people irl. well, unfortunately, i cannot tell people irl that i have extremely regular homicidal fantasies and think 50% of the population should kill themselves. i cant rant abt all the dystopian shit i am subjected to on a regular basis, bc they dont view it as dystopian. i cant even discuss my own life and perspectives on things because SOMEONE is going to have their feelings hurt (despite me being the one who has trauma abt it -_-). on the computer there are lots of intelligent people with interesting lives who r also kind of losers and hate everything. i like those people.

i dont rly have a point on any of this. just thoughts ive been having.

[akindplace]

Can you help me? I dont have friends. I have been going through some stuff a few years and had severe depression and then covid came and basically I lost touch with everyone. I also moved cities the same time so like I cant actually find a way to hang out with my old friends and since I kinda just cut off people I cant really go back

See now the issue is im in a new place but i have so much social anxiety i barely talk to ppl. I sometimes think I can do life by myself but I realized that I dont even have an emergency contact? Like I know a couple of my neighbors but thats pretty much it. I just know them. I also work from home and its not really a job which needs talking

Help me, how do I make friends? I am in my late 20s and I used to be someone who had so many people but now I am just so alone and scared it will never change.

Im honestly a big fan of just messaging people I think are cool on their dms, it’s a a good way of chatting people and talk about interests, so if their stories show them in a concert, I can just go “wow I love this band, xyz also has a similar sound, have you heard xyz”. There are apps for making friends or so they say, but I don’t know if they work. There are also group activities you can join depending on your interests, like book clubs, film clubs, churches, volunteer groups, and courses since the frequent proximity helps friendships to happen.

I think the scary thing about friendships is the vulnerability aspect of it, because you need people to connect with but that connection means they’ll see you in ways you can’t really control. And when we get really anxious it’s hard to do things without panicking and being afraid the other person is judging you. You’ll probably have to talk to others while still being anxious, but it will get a bit easier with time. And if you’re still feeling too anxious, maybe try therapy, if it’s a possible option of course. We all want to have friends but I think we’re all more lonely than we show, so it might help to think of someone else as a person who is just as lonely as you are.

Edit: hey is someone has more information to help anon please say so in the reply section of the post, please?

[angelnumber27]

its so hard not to be fearful of ppl with personality disorders. As i was abused by someone with npd and separately (and worse) someone else with bpd. Sigh i dont wanna be prejudiced though but my experiences andconsequent trauma bc of these ppl have made me really wary

I have bpd and it is primarily because I was also abused a lot. We are similar and I think it is best for survivors like us to stick together 🖤 Please try to see that we are not all monsters or inherently bad people. There is a really harmful stigma around people with bpd that is not true. Many psychiatrists or psychologists will not take on the cases of people with bpd because they assume it will be impossible and too difficult to treat. Which feels horrible. I am very thankful and blessed to have found a psychiatrist and therapist who are very kind and helpful regardless of the things I struggle with. Which is how it should be :)

I have met many wonderful people with bpd. I know I am not at all a bad person, in fact I would consider myself good. I know there are people who have personality disorders who are abusive, just like there are people who don’t have those disorders who are abusive, but I just want people who think this way to understand that it is absolutely not all of us and some of us are great people and really try to be kind and loving despite our struggles. I am very sorry you have had to experience those things, you didn’t deserve to go through that. I hope you come to realize that the abusive behaviors were not solely because of your abusers’ personality disorders, there are many many people who have bpd who are kind and gentle and sweet and understanding because we know what it feels like to hurt. I personally just want to help other people. I think that those who do have personality disorders and abuse others do so because of something within themselves, not inherently because of said disorders. 🖤 please understand that just like with anything else, it is unfair to generalize and unfair to base your opinion on every person who falls under a certain category on one or two people.

[wc-confessions]

ok apologies if this sounds like weirdo conspiracy theorist talk but like. i noticed smth abt the way the fandom has evolved in its treatment of nightcloud specifically and i think its. Interesting.

in the Beginning (aka the Early Days) ppl HATED her for similar reasons to squirrelflight, sandstorm, dovewing, and p much every female character that was widely disliked at the time. its no secret that warriors and its fandom have deeply misogynistic content and in the old days ESPECIALLY ppl would hate on a lot of female characters for petty things. in nightclouds case ppl hated her simply for "being mean to crowfeather" and getting in the way of leafcrow shipping. generic misogynist fandom bullshit u know how it is

then came the animatic "nightcloud's tale," which became popular enough for people to consider her in a different light. ofc, hating her was still the majority opinion in the fandom, but the video did portray her in a sympathetic light that got many ppl to change their minds.

then came the mid-late 2010s, when dr*ikinator became popular. they (do they still use they/them? iirc they do, apologies if they dont) happened to be a big nightcloud fan and crowfeather hater. they made what some ppl referred to as "nightcloud apologists" into a more popular subculture within the fandom, w more ppl realizing that she was unfairly hated. ofc, there was nothing wrong with that; liking nightcloud and hating crow was NOT what made dr*ik a bad person. but their later controversy does make the fandoms next phase more significant.

after dr*ik was called out, ppl began to react EXTREMELY harsh toward anyone who shared similar wc opinions to them, including liking night and hating crow, portraying night as sympathetic, or even jokingly calling crow cishet. this was when the term "nightcloud apologist" was officially coined, and it was used to negatively and subtly compare fans of nightcloud to dr*ik. basically, the mindset at the time was that if u did anything similar to dr*ik (like hcing a lot of wc characters as lgbt, sympathizing with mapleshade, or even shipping mothpool), you were just as bad as them. yknow, dr*ikinator, the person who sent p*rn to a minor and told others to off themselves for disagreeing w them. and obviously being compared to dr*ik is never a favorable thing, so nightcloud fans had to constantly deal with being called dr*ik supporters.

now, thankfully, the fandom is starting to come around again toward nightcloud, at least if this blog is any indication. i think ppl just needed time for the dust to settle after the dr*ik incident. tho ive always thought that logic was pretty stupid from the get-go. its like "ohh well THIS horrible person liked roses so if YOU like roses then youre JUST LIKE THEM" yknow??? anyway in conclusion nightcloud deserves better. nightcloud + nightcloud fans i am so fucking sorry for everything u had to go thru (also sorry this ask is so long jfc)

[snekdood]

"Narcissistic abuse" vs NPD

Hey guys, i feel like I need to talk about something, if only because i was one of those ppl who ended up watching a lot of videos about "narcissistic abuse" which demonized tf out of ppl with NPD so now i feel a moral obligation to do something, whatever that may be. So I guess this is one of my attempts to do something.

Because im someone who ended up watching a lot of those videos, it really forged my perceptions of people with NPD, but i think theres an important distinction here to be made. I do personally feel like narcissistic abuse exists, but i dont think it exists *only* within the realm of people with npd as a lot of these videos and articles suggest. I think just about anyone can engage in narcissistic abuse because the point is the abuse is incredibly selfish and self centered on part of the abuser. I dont think it has to be connected with people with NPD and the only connection is made with the similar names, so maybe we need to come up with a new term for it, because ive personally found a lot of value out of those videos, it helped explain to me what was going on, the way people abused me, the way their mind worked, what they were likely to do, etc. And has pretty much been on the nose. I dont think multiple videos like this would exist if there wasnt a common experience. I just dont think its something people with npd exclusively do like a lot of these videos suggest. Im like 90% sure one of my bullies abused me this way, would do anything to maintain their social standing and keep me on the bottom, but i do not believe that person has npd and it wouldnt be fair for me to diagnose that person anyways because i barely know anything about that person personally.

Part of the reason these videos kinda revealed to me its not just an npd thing is the fact that they kept having to come up with new, scarier words for ppl with npd. Like "the dark triad" or whatever because the realization that their trauma is the reason they act the way they do makes the victim upset and not want to have to sympathize, which is understandable, but its not healthy and it means they have to make it sound like its something more extreme to have a justification for essentially wanting that person to be kicked off the planet, which i can understand why an abuse victim might feel that way, i just dont think its helpful to shunt all the responsibility on to ppl with npd and obviously that abuse victim needs to be more practical, empathetic and realistic because you cant control other people and you're likely to not actually do anything to your abuser to get revenge, so sitting here seething in your contempt does nothing but hurt you long term while your abuser has essentially forgotten you exist. But i digress.

The biggest issue with these videos is the name of the abuse and the association with ppl with npd, because theres many reasons why people would want to keep their social position outside of an extremely insecure sense of self or whatever tf. The other issue with these videos is the huge demonization and misunderstanding about people with npd. The idea that theyre all abusive, that they cant change, that they hold every Bad diagnostic criteria and it makes them *evil* or whatever tf. The way people talk about ppl with npd in those videos is pretty horrendous actually. It gets to a point where you wonder if the person posting the video wants to essentially genocide ppl with npd, which i think is kinda fuckin crazy ngl, i dont think thats a solution nor do i think all ppl with npd are such a huge problem that we need to get rid of them or exile them from society or whatever tf. Ppl with npd more than anything need therapy of some sort, and these videos 100% can talk about this form of abuse without throwing ppl with npd under the bus every 5 seconds.

I know people dismiss this as just "any kind of abuse" but i really dont think it is, its a really specific, insidious type of abuse where someone will do anything to maintain their position, they will toss away all their morals bc maintaining that position is the most important thing to them. They are people who are very driven by their ego, and anyone can be driven by their ego, so no, its not just an npd thing. Theres other forms of abuse that arent driven by a need to maintain their social position, so also no, its not all the same and i dont think it should all be labeled as general abuse, because the trauma this can cause is notable and having a space to talk with people who've had similar experiences is really important and helpful. We just gotta stop demonizing ppl with npd since its very much not their sole issue, nor would i say its a guarantee ppl with npd will treat you that way, and its pretty toxic to assume that, especially since ppl without npd routinely engage in this form of abuse. I dont believe theres truly any justification for ostracizing and wanting to essentially kill off an entire group of people and ppl should stop trying to find excuses to do so.

Anyways, thing i wanted to say and have been thinking about for a while has been said, you may proceed with whatever judgements you seemingly endlessly have about me.

[end-orfino]

Everything surrounding mental health is so weird currently. "People are more aware of it so more mentally ill ppl realize they're mentally ill", "The way we currently live makes us have issues with our attention spans, overwhelms us with more stimuli than ever before on a daily basis, etc., and thus even NT people might have issues similar to neurodivergency", "The media around us provides a false idea that a 'normal' person is happy and doesn't really have any struggles with themselves, thus anything else is easier to be considered as smth being 'wrong', SO some ppl don't have a way to know if what they're experiencing is a mental illness or not", "We dont get to truly stop and try to fix or adjust our lives so the idea of a prescription that would do something about our flaws on its own is tempting to many people", "the people who are supposed to help with this stuff are fucked and often suck at their jobs" and "the internet is an echo chamber that fucked shit up so bad I dont even have words to describe it with in a nutshell" are all statements that seemingly coexist with each other. Unless you have more 'obvious' symptoms or something you really have no way to know if you could genuiely benefit from help or if you just need to get your shit together.

[silly-fox-and-its-stuffies]

small intro (writing this realizing I dont know crap abt myself /hj)

disabled with a neurological condition (FND), age regressor, Universic + pagan? maybe?, pangender and boyflux, gay, aromantic, I think ace spike or ace flux, way too many microlabels

warnings: I use caps and cuss a lot, lmk if you dont like if I say ily or use hearts, I'm a minor but not saying age, I'm autistic and prob have bpd, I'm also the host of a polyfragmented DID system (do NOT involve us in discourse, also dont ask our system origins, that's none of your business)

⚠IF IM ON SHARK WEEK ITS THE ONLY THING I'LL TALK ABOUT⚠

lmk if that bothers you and I'll try to not mention it while directly interacting with you, I'll also use the 🔴 emoji in my bio as a warning during that week

i also talk about religion sometimes, I usually forget to tag so here's your warning if you're uncomfy with that

DNI: T.R.A.S.H. (transphobic, racist, ableist, sexist, homophobic), fatphobic ppl, over 30 or so idk 25+ is on thin ice usually, FARTs (another acronym for terfs/swerfs), age play/ddlg, pro narc abuse, radqueers (doesn't include dissodic or whatever the word was for the similar community, those are welcome here but radqueers arent)

interests/hyperfixations: kandi, minecraft, BLUEY, religion, whale sharks, NEUROLOGY, queer identities, objectum

I have a tree!! https://decomytree.com/home?hashedId=NIp0S8v8kzPi

I made a blog for aac emotes! @bumblebee-emotes

I made a community for people with FND! :D https://www.tumblr.com/join/RyaP0NeQ

current partners:

@sleepinginmygrave (platonic)

@arson-keeps-the-fire-going (romantic)

Ripple (romantic)

Faven (platonic)

Christah (platonic)

Please do not DM me without warning. Seriously. It gives me really bad anxiety and I'm probably going to end up upset instead of wanting to talk to you bc you ignored this. This is because of trust issues. If you ignore this don't be mad when I'm upset at you because you made me extremely anxious not knowing who messaged me.

People who can DM: @raeprise @sleepinginmygrave @kittentism @camp-bruins @theseusistired @oops-i-started-a-fire

***asks will be off for a few weeks, I heard about some raid thing? Idk, I just want to be safe***