#they are more knowledgeable of trans issues than ableism

[itwouldbenicetohaveaname]

My mom just shared that at 22, her partner, had told her he couldn't touch doorknobs, "I didn't listen at all to those stories. I was only 22, I had no idea about OCD"

I knew what OCD was by 7. I learned more accurately about this disorder (and manifold more) through social media and Google years later (I know those sources are not equivalent to professional ones don't need to tell me)

What I'm saying is, gen-z has made leaps of progress happen for mental health education. We are way more educated about mental health than our parents.

It is bittersweet cause it creates a gap between generations. How are you supposed to talk about self-harm when your parents think it is only a thing suicidal people do? Educating about such topics is particularly exhausting cause they don't really believe you. Anyway.

Congrats gen-z

[originalleftist]

PSY-OP ALERT:

Sorry for how long this ended up being, but there's a lot to cover. My sincere gratitude to anyone who actually reads through it.

We have seen again and again how easily supposed progressives, even those considered long-time allies, can quickly fall into believing and acting on fascist psy-ops.

There's no sure way to know that someone is a trustworthy ally. One might say that there is no such thing, since everyone has faults and blind spots and prejudices and is hypocritical to one extent or another.

But here are a few common ways in which so-called Leftists, progressives, feminists, etc get duped into supporting fascist agendas. It's both a litmus test of sorts, red flags that someone may not be as reliable an ally as you think, and also a good shortlist of major narratives the Right uses to try to infiltrate and co-opt progressive communities and divide their opposition, which you should be on the lookout for.

1. Ukraine/Russia. If someone is defending Putin or vilifying Ukraine, they are likely being influenced by Kremlinist-fascist propaganda designed to sway Leftists under the guise of being "anti-imperialism" or "anti-war". This is a larger subset of how opposition to wars and imperialism has been used for decades to draw Left-wingers into supporting conspiracy theorism and hypocritically aligning with dictatorial, even fascist regimes that are seen as opposing "the West".

Note: a specific subset of this, which I've found even people who otherwise don't necessarily fall for it sometimes do, is Assange apologism. Julian Assange is not simply a journalist who was persecuted by the government for exposing its secrets. He is closely-aligned with the Kremlin and its propaganda, and leaked information selectively to hurt Clinton/Democrats help Trump during the 2016 election.

2. Covid. Anti-vax conspiracy theorism used to be a position more associated with the Left, though it has been largely coopted by the fascist Right, thanks to Trump. A lot of this was built on opposition to capitalism/big corporations/"Big Pharma" and probably also environmentalist concerns about toxins in our environment, which appeals to Left-wing sensibilities.

There's also a heavy dose of ableism, particularly fear-mongering about/misrepresenting autism, which is another prejudice that has appeal across the political spectrum. Even if one accepted the (widely-debunked) claims linking vaccines to autism, that means that the central premise of the anti-vax agenda, when you strip it down to its core, can be summarized as "Your child is better off dead of a deadly disease than alive and autistic."

We might also have a word here about support for DNRs*/"assisted dying"/euthanasia and making "assisted dying" more accessible to disabled people, typically framed as letting them "die with dignity" without actually providing them the support that would let them LIVE with dignity (see Canada's MAID controversies). Though I am pleased to see pushback from Left-leaning parties on this recently.

*I should note here that I do not oppose DNRs in principle, nor the right of any patient (assuming they have the ability to do so, and if not that's what living wills are for) to refuse medical care. I DO have a problem when people are mislead or pressured to choose them, or even have them issued without their knowledge/consent (as in the widely-reported case of people with disabilities being given DNR orders in the UK).

3. Trans Rights. Many a proclaimed feminist has shown their true colours once the subject of trans rights came up. Falsely attacking trans people as male predators or fake women does not protect women- trans people are actually one of the most likely groups to be subjected to sexual violence, and if one wants to prey on women, there are far easier and less-stigmatized ways to do so in our society. Transphobia also ultimately serves to oppress cis women, as women who do not perfectly fit white patriarchal standards are investigated and accused of being trans (as seen with anti-drag laws potentially criminalizing non-traditional dress choices, and the attacks on cis female athletes of colour, particularly at the 2024 Olympics).

4. Israel/Palestine. Many so-called Leftists have embraced conspiratorial and even outright genocidal Anti-semitism masquerading as opposing "colonialism" and genocide. This narrative seems to rest on two primary lies- the claim that Jews are not indigenous to the Levant, and therefore colonizers (this is contradicted by overwhelming historical, archaeological, cultural, and genetic evidence), and the usual group-think/collective guilt and "us vs them" mentality (the belief that all Israelis/Jews are collectively guilty for the crimes of the Netanyahu government, and the belief that the rights of Palestinians and Jews cannot coexist, but one must come at the expense of the other).

5. Johnny Depp. Many so-called "feminists" quickly embraced or at least turned a blind eye toward misogynist abuse and conspiracy theories from incels/"Mens' Rights Activists" against a queer activist and DV survivor, out of fandom for Johnny Depp (who also has close ties to both the Kremlin and Saudi governments). Presenting Depp as "the real victim", and Heard as a fake victim undermining "real victims", and as a privileged elite using "white woman tears" to gain sympathy, were other ways in which the Right played on Leftists' sympathies and rhetoric to co-opt them in this case. Amber Heard hate/Johnny Depp fandom is a clear indication that a "progressive" or "feminist" can be swayed to abandon their convictions by celebrity/fandom, and/or lacks understanding of Intersectionality (ie how someone could be relatively privileged in certain ways but still disadvantaged in others, particularly against someone like Depp).

6. Immigration. Many supposed Leftists have proven susceptible to narratives accusing immigrants/foreigners of "stealing" jobs from the working class, while the reality is that immigration also creates jobs (more people means more demand for goods and services), automation is a threat to jobs that has nothing to do with immigration, and immigrants often do jobs most Americans don't want to (which is actually exploitation-in typical DARVO fashion, immigrants are vilified for their own exploitation). Anti-immigrant rhetoric is a divide and conquer tactic used by oligarchs to keep the working class fighting each other, instead of focusing on who's really exploiting them.

7. Housing. Attacks on the Unhoused are one of the most acceptable forms of bigotry in our society on both Left and Right. Often this boils down to simple selfishness- whatever a person's abstract political views, they don't want to see "homeless" or "poor" people around, falsely equate them with criminality/drugs, and are worried about the effect of encampments or even the construction of low-income housing on their property values.

These are all ways in which the Right commonly infiltrates and co-opts Leftwing circles, and pits its opponents against each other (divide and conquer). Of course, there are other issues, other examples. This is not a definitive list. So its important to learn to recognize patterns, so you can spot psy-ops/divide and conquer tactics in other forms/on other issues.

One frequent pattern in these narratives is of course collective guilt/guilt by association: Ukraine is bad because it is aligned with the West, Russia is good because it's against the West. Heard is bad because she's a (relatively) rich famous white woman (somehow Depp isn't, as a rich white man). Israel/Jews are evil because of the crimes of the Israeli government, Hamas is good because they're against Israel. Related to this is the use of DARVO tactics to allow oppressors to falsely claim status as victims, further muddying the waters (and a hard argument to counter, because anyone guilty of it can immediately accuse anyone who points it out of doing the same thing). Assange, an oppressive of the Kremlin, is painted as just a heroic journalist persecuted for exposing the truth. Depp, an extremely wealthy, famous man with a long history of racism, misogyny, violent criminality, and ties to the Mob and dictatorial regimes, is the helpless victim of his ex-wife/a feminist conspiracy. Upper/upper-middle class home owners are the real victims because poor people exist in their communities. White workers are the real victims, not immigrants exploited as cheap labour who don't dare complain if their rights are violated because they might be deported.

A third common trick is to simultaneously paint the target group as a deadly, even existential threat, and as pathetic and weak. This seeming contradiction is a hallmark of fascist propaganda specifically (Umberto Eco listed it on his list of 14 traits of fascism). For example, unhoused people are all lazy pathetic drug users, but also criminals destroying our neighbourhoods. Amber Heard is both a talentless, obviously lying gold digger, but also powerful and competent enough to terrorize her husband (in his home, surrounded by private security on his payroll) for years and mastermind a vast international conspiracy spanning a decade to frame him. Ukraine is not even a real country, but also a huge threat to Russia's security justifying its invasion (propagandists often sidestep this absurdity by simply treating Ukraine as an extension of the US/NATO- this allows them to simultaneously portray Russia's genocidal war as the underdog defending itself against "Western imperialism", and to reinforce their genocidal narrative that Ukraine is not a real nation).

Learn the tricks. Call them out when you see them. And if someone else says you're falling for them, don't get defensive and immediately double-down- listen and consider whether you are, in fact, being misled.

[anti-katsuki-lounge]

While I normally don't read them, the thing that really gets to me are the gender swap(specifically Izuku only) or transgender character(normally Izuku as well), and how often these traits are used a props for angst or for porn scenes. Now I am fine with transgender and nonbinary people IRL, it's something about how the subject matter is used in fiction, that negatively affects the experience. While I am aware of the fact that Japanese is beginning to open up on these idea and that MHA takes place in a future version of modern Japan, which wouldn't bat an eye at transgendered characters as we do have a canonical transmale hero with the Wild Pussycat, there's just something more off about when Izuku is the subject character.

Now I am aware that gender swapping characters are likely one of the most common tropes used and is likely one of the first of types of fics a new writer would write about. I'm wondering if it's because of the combination with Izuku being Quirkless, that it combines ableism/disability with sexism/transphobia. Now yes, these are topics that need to be talked about and fiction is a good way to experiment on the writer's knowledge on these topics, it's another thing to go to the "stay in the house" idea or to make Izuku a prop in order to praise Bakugo, since female Izuku x Bakugo(or vice versa) is a common pairing. This isn't even going into the Omegaverse, which probably has its origins based off of a combination of transgenderism, that one redacted study on wolf hierarchy(where the author redo and investigated even more), and wanting to justify MPreg.

So I’m not really going to touch the trans/non-binary fanfics because it’s not my place to talk about them. I do agree that in canon, people wouldn’t really bat an eye to a trans and/or non-binary person, but I feel that those fics are made for the author to talk about trans/non binary issues, hence why the world’s more aggressive to them in these fics. It’s them writing their own experiences through fiction if that makes any sense and I have no place to criticize what they do in those fics.

For the gender swap, I actually have a fic that co-stars a female Izuku. Why did I make Izuku female? It’s to prove a point. A lot of people shit on Izuku for being overly emotional and that he should’ve stood up to Katsuki sooner. I feel that there’s a lot of sexism around these ideas and honestly feel that if Izuku was female, then no one would really have these claims and that Katsuki would be seen in a negative light. However, I do know that a good chunk of fics that star a female Izuku are mainly porn fics and are used as a means to write a straight BkDk story which has Izuku simply exist to be a prop for Katsuki. As someone who is a shipper, I like it when my ships are mutually beneficial to both parties rather than having one person be a prop or prize for the other and agree with what you’ve said there.

[aseriesofunfortunatejan]

The issue remains that TERFs are hijacking feminism. When I wrote that one essay in the past, my point was to demonstrate - and I was validated by the evidence I found - that the acronym "TERF" wasn't even synonymous with radical feminism, let alone feminism. The acronym was specifically created to differentiate the transphobic types of radical feminists from the non-transphobic types. The alleged originator of the acronym even suggested using TES, for "trans exclusionary separatists", instead soon thereafter, when they pointed out that the transphobic bunch they were describing couldn't really be said to actually be radical feminists, but it didn't catch on.

With the knowledge that I have and with my relationship to feminism, I will sometimes talk or write about feminism, or even mention radical feminism, although I am admittedly not well-informed of whether radical feminism still exists proactively today. Despite being against TERFs and the amount of time I have spent fighting for my life [...] to defend anyone who needs feminism from TERFs, even despite my strong wording against TERFs, it is not uncommon that someone who has grown afraid of TERFs will dismiss (or, in an online space, block, which impacts me less) me on sight.

If my disabilities ever allow it, I would like to spend more time physically interacting with feminist associations and groups in the future. As it stands, my limited interaction with political associations - not by choice, as I have unfortunately talked about the ableism and classism that prevent people like me from getting fully involved before - causes an unfortunate amount of my activism to be done from a distance and/or online. And I'll say it - reactionary tumblr posts are just not representative of reality. I think a lot of us know that to some degree, but few realise the extent of it. Because of the culture around conversation on tumblr, we all fall victim to it to some degree.

But I'm in an awkward position - to the many "casual" cishet feminists who don't even know about the queer movement, my detailed knowledge of the wrongs caused by TERFism makes me incomprehensible. To those negatively impacted by TERFs, my feminism and/or my interest in talking about the history of radical feminism makes them wary of me. It can't really be helped. I will never be hurt as much by being accidentally misconstrued for a TERF from time to time than a trans person will be by TERFs. And to come full circle - as a fellow cis feminist, I am in a position to understand that the ignorant cishet feminists aren't ignorant out of malice - that's not how ignorance works.

By all means, I'm not yet in a good place to perfectly communicate what I mean and support the movements I care about. Inclusive feminism is important to me, but too many groups are only inclusive on paper - and I'm just excluded enough not to be able to have the impact I'd like, but not enough that someone would be able to see it on my face and hold my hand. I've mentioned before that I suffer from the inaccessibility of protests in my city, and when I do attend, I feel frustrated by the limitations that I know I'd have the knowledge and experience to do something about if only I could metaphorically fit through the doorway. By being stuck online, which I know insufficient, I also worry about accidentally scaring and hurting the people I want to help, largely because I don't have the spaces and tools to learn how to better communicate and, possibly, to learn more that I do not yet know and that could be limiting what I say.

[brightbeautifulthings]

The Memory of Babel by Christelle Dabos, trans. Hildegarde Serle

"'For your information, little lady, peace is a purely theoretical concept. There are, and there always will be, conflicts, whatever semblance they take. You need only go out there, dressed in your provocative uniform, to see it for yourself.'"

Year Read: 2023

Rating: 3/5

About: There are spoilers ahead for A Winter's Promise and The Missing of Clairdelune. When Archibald comes to free Ophelia from Anima, she decides not to join him in his search for LandmArk but to follow a clue to Babel in the hopes of finding Thorn. But Babel's culture is as fraught as the Pole's, and God is still hunting both of them. If God reaches LandmArk first, he'll have the power to destroy all the Arks and the world as they know it. Trigger warnings: character death (on-page), fire, captivity, guns, violence, injury, ableism, oppression, bullying/hazing.

Thoughts: This is probably my least favorite in the series so far. It seems like Dabos is trying to replicate here what she did in A Winter's Promise, and while many of the features are similar, there are diminishing returns. Once again, Ophelia finds herself immersed in a new Ark and its unusual culture, and she’s trying to fit into a place with secrets and threats around every corner. Once again, things are tense between Ophelia and Thorn, and I'm not sure whether I'm supposed to ship them together or not (despite the fact that they're now technically married).

These things worked well in the first book, but they're a bit tired here. By this point, I was expecting Ophelia to retain some of her character development from the first books instead of regressing into meekness, and I expected her to understand her own husband a little better. I didn't find Babel as compelling as Anima or the Pole, nor does getting lost in its minutiae effectively serve the overarching plot all that much. I suspect readers who enjoy world-building for the sake of it will find more to like about it, but as you know, I already struggle with the fantasy genre as a whole. It's more slow-moving than even the previous novels, and I absolutely hated the chapters from Victoria's perspective. While they give us important information about what God is up to in the Thorns' absence, I take issue with gratingly simplistic child perspectives. At no point did I feel like I was reading from the perspective of a real human, child or not.

My favorite thing about it wasn't the world or even the characters this time, but one of the central themes about information. Babel is steeped in detail, but it lacks truth. Words like "war" are stricken from the lexicon, but violence still seethes underneath its peaceful, oppressive veneer, even as blatant murders are waved away as "accidents." There are a lot of interesting comments about language's ability to conceal as well as illuminate, and the way that drowning people in distracting amounts of information and detail can actually keep them from knowledge instead of strengthening it. It's not enough to carry an entire novel, but they're well-developed throughout the book. Overall, The Memory of Babel is a very long-winded way of moving the plot forward hardly at all and giving us not very much information (which is actually kind of meta, given the themes).

[dueling-jesters]

[THE FOLLOWING INFORMATION HAS BEEN DECLASSIFIED.]

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🂡 Ace 🂱 23 🃁 ⚧They/Them, He/Him⚧🃑

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Please read before you follow!

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I mainly post about:

Spy vs Spy

Spy x Spy

My Spy-persona, or Spysona as you will

Character Tags: Black spy, White Spy, Grey Spy

Fanart, headcanons, and ramblings about these silly little blorbos abound.

General Content Warning: Cartoon violence and antics, usually slapstick but may also feature blood and angst. Mild cartoonish gore may appear rarely, but nothing too graphic or realistic. All public accounts are SFW, but will occasionally be suggestive to a small extent.

If you need me to tag anything with specific content warnings, please send me an ask to let me know and I will list what to filter here!

I will occasionally post about things which are off-topic, as my accounts are semi-personal. Resources regarding current events and issues are sometimes reblogged as well.

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⌧ Basic DNI criteria applies. Racism, sexism, misogyny, antisemitism, ableism, homophobia, transphobia, etc. are not welcome. Bigots, nazi/genocide apologists, pro-forced-birth/anti-abortion, pedo/zoo/necro, proship/anti-antis, and the like will be blocked. I'd prefer if NSFW-heavy accounts do not interact with my SFW accounts. If you fetishize marginalized peoples or are into rape, incest, and/or ageplay, do not interact with me. I block very generously.

If you're here to defend someone I've aired my grievences about in the past, go away. Some actions of theirs are inexcuseable and I want nothing to do with them. Please leave me alone about either circumstance.

I will not list my own specific personal triggers here due to the chance of that knowledge falling into the wrong hands.

I have every right to protect my internet safety, privacy, and mental health. This is non-negotiable. ⌧

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FAQ:

May I share your SvS fanart?

Absolutely! I cannot control what you do, but I'd appreciate being credited if you happen to share. I would prefer you to ask first, but won't have a problem unless you do something egregious with it or if I am uncomfortable with where it is being shared.

Is there anywhere I can purchase something with any of your fanart printed on?

Unfortunately, no. Not only might that cause legal issues, but it wouldn't feel right for me personally to do so. Full answer can be read here.

Do you take commission?

Not under these accounts, sorry. If you have any ideas you'd like to send my way, please do so! However, I cannot guarantee I will respond to every ask.

Why did you make the spies gay and trans?

Because I'm gay, trans, and can do what I want. In all seriousness though, I've made a couple of posts about these headcanons at the very start of my blog, but I could've gone a lot more in-depth.

Why haven't you been active for [insert amount of time here]?

I tend to take breaks from social media due to stress and other mental health issues. I'm also autistic and have a chronic health condition, so there's always a chance I might not have the spoons to be active on here, make fanart, or immediately respond to direct messages. Other than that, I do have a personal and professional life completely separate from my SvS fan accounts.

Is there anywhere else I can find you?

Other than this blog, you can find me on twitter. (Or my private twitter, but I must warn that it is exclusively 18+.)

As mentioned before, I keep this completely separate from the rest of my life and work, so I will not disclose any of that information. Please don't ask if I'm [insert artist's online handle here] or ask any artist if they're Ace Dueling-Jesters. If any user claims to be me (other than, obviously me on my blog, public twitter, or private twitter), do not trust them.

What's up with those funky red glasses?

They're therapeutic lenses! I draw them slightly different from how mine are irl to protect my privacy.

What is your gender/sexual orientation?

I'm bigender, or more specifically, a transmasculine nonbinary person. Please refrain from asking which body parts I do or don't have. I'm gay and Trans4Trans, but also somewhere on the asexual/aromantic spectrum. It's complicated.

Why are your posts so long-winded?

It's the autism, babey! *finger guns*

[antiterf]

Okay so to make sure no ones surprised, here are some beliefs on discourse and morals.

I'm generally open to talking about them, but please do not fight me on the morals aspect. You can ask for more info but I may get meaner than I'd like if you fight me on morals, I hold them very close to me.

People generally want to do what's best for themselves and for others. Human beings inherently want to be good.

Every human life has value, one life lost is years of experience, knowledge, love, and care lost. It is never just a statistic, as only ten 60 year olds dead is 600 years love and experience of life lost.

Even with this belief I feel that if the rich don't do something about the enormous amount and wealth and power they hoard, their death is more valuable than their life like how a piñata is only beneficial when it's broke open.

Making fun of someone based on a minority status only hurts the entire group of oppressed people. Making fun of someone for their appearance will do harm to people who've done nothing to you.

Hating someone for something they have no choice in isn't going to help shit. So don't do it.

You cannot only fight for one minority because you'll end up ignoring the less privileged parts of your own minority.

No one owes you an explanation to anything, you don't owe an explanation to anyone. This doesn't mean that the person is simply obligated to believe what you say.

Your worth is not dependant on how much you're able to work and produce.

No one is worth any less for needing assistance, whether it's for an hour or for life.

Now to the not morality stuff

If the people in power are going for one minority, prepare to be next.

You can be trans without having gender dysphoria (I am dysphoric btw)

NPD and ASPD don't make people inherently abusive and to hate someone solely because they have those disorders is ableism.

Narc abuse is just emotional abuse with some specific aspects. Please stop calling every abuser a narcissist or armchair diagnosing your abuser.

Having a multisexual identity other than being bi isn't biphobic

The ace and aro spectrums exist and ace and aro people shouldn't even have to deal with the question that they belong in the LGBTQ+ community or not, they do.

Intersex people are a part of the LGBTQ+ community if they want to be.

Being a bi lesbian is valid

Having an identity that seems contradictory is valid

It/its pronouns are valid (I have had them used on me in a derogatory manner btw)

I am uncertain about transandrophobia or the other commom terms for it. I believe that afab trans people can and do experience oppression because of their agab and sex characteristics (otherwise abortion rights and healthcare wouldn't be an issue for us). But at the same time I feel like trying to make a term that centers around trans men will exclude nb people who experience the same. I have also seen many transandrophobia fighters be blatantly transmisogynistic and it doesn't sit right with me.

ACAB and BLM

Basically, I'm not against transandrophobia but I'm not for it either.

To say I don't get uncomfortable with the people who are heavily against it would be a lie though.

No person is illegal

Religion is important to many people and we can address the harm it does while still respecting the help it does as well.

I'm a psychology major but recognize that the field of psychology has a major role in determining what's "abnormal" for someone to be and is usually ableist.

Queer isn't a slur, but you should still respect people who don't want it used on them. I will use "the queer community" when talking about issues because I'm an LGBTQ studies minor and that's how we usually speak.

I believe that trans men and nb people can reclaim the T slur. Mostly because reclaiming it myself has helped a lot with my internalized transphobia.

TERFs hurt trans women the most out of anyone. I usually do not say things like that but trans women are usually their main obsession. This doesn't mean that other groups aren't hurt a lot.

If you're still in the Harry Potter fandom then you're not a trans ally. You really shouldn't be putting a book series over the millions of lives being fucked over by the writer.

You will become disabled eventually. If you're ableist then I mean this as a threat.

I'll add more as they come

[ascalonianpicnic]

so the twisted marionette is back and it seems like a good time for this~ @mystery-salad requested I do an essay on Scarlet and discrimination in STEM so~

Warning: discussions of sexism, racism, and ableism. If I got anything wrong (in terms of real world issues) or was disrespectful in any way about certain subjects please let me know

Hey, let's talk about Scarlet Briar. 

More specifically, I wanna talk about Ceara, and how she became Scarlet Briar. Because I'm a gay mathematician and former computer science major, and I think Scarlet is cool.

So let's start here. STEM (science, technology, engineering, and mathematics) is a heavily male dominated set of fields and career paths. A few decades back in the real world, there was this deep set societal belief, at least in western society, that cis women were just "worse" at STEM related things like math and chemistry. It's not as visible of an issue now, but, like I said, STEM fields are still really male dominated, and that's because STEM fields still have a massive issue with sexism. Women have full on left the field due to the sexism they faced in workplaces in just the last decade. Trans women in STEM share really interesting and important personal accounts about how before transitioning, they were treated with respect, offered high level jobs, and entrusted with loads of responsibility, and how post transition, despite having even more experience, are offered significantly lower level jobs, worse pay, and are all around treated like they know less. STEM has a sexism problem. 

So, why is this important to Scarlet? Well, her backstory and her life before Omadd's Machine actually tie in to this real world issue in a really fascinating way. It's about Respect. And Scarlet's story is about how she was denied respect over and over, because she was a sylvari, because she was a woman, and because she was neurodivergent. Let's talk about Ceara. 

Ceara was a sylvari secondborn, and an engineer from the start. She emerged from the Pale Tree when her race was still brand new to the world and largely unknown. She spent 8 years of her life studying all the Grove had to offer her about mechanics and nature and the universe. She was born curious and as such, was determined to learn everything and anything she could get her hands on. After her time in the Grove, Ceara left, off to find new teachers and extend her knowledge further. After the Grove cane Beigarth, a famed norn smith. He gladly took Ceara under his wing, seeing her genius and potential. For a year, she trained under him, his best student. Then, much to his dismay, she left, feeling she had learned all he could offer about what she wanted to know. She moved south, going to study under iron legion gladium and demolitionist Asagai. Asagai was an old charr, and it took some convincing on Ceara's end, but she eventually took the sylvari in and taught her about gunsmithing and artillery. And after two years, Ceara moved on again, this time heading for Rata Sum and its colleges. 

The asura of Rata Sum did Not like Ceara. She had to fight to be allowed to study at the colleges. She won in the end, being admitted into the college of Dynamics. Within a year, she finished the course work, and, feeling like she was finally getting somewhere, she applied again, this time getting admitted to Statics. Two years and two colleges down, at the top of her class both times, Scarlet still wanted more. The Arcane council was curious now if she could keep this streak up, so they let her enter Synergetics. This was what she had been looking for, and she got deep into her studies, taking her time. The Arcane council was unimpressed with her work at best. While not driven from the colleges, she found herself being walked off and looked down on more and more, so she sought other sources. These other sources, both of knowledge and support, came from the inquest, and it wasn't long before she fell in deep. It didn't last, however. When the krewe she was working with ran into trouble, she was abandoned as a scapegoat, and thrown out of the asuran colleges. She wandered on her own for a while, taking the time to study alchemy with the michotl hylek, but mostly keeping to herself. Until Omadd found her, pulled her back into his personal research, and, with her help, built Omadd's machine. Once it was finished, Ceara walked in, and Scarlet walked out. 

Sexism in STEM means that people perceived as female are often perceived as knowing or understanding less than they actually do. It's because of this that you'll find young cis male students in STEM classes trying to correct or speak over their female presenting professors. It's why you'll find men at science conferences telling the women presenting for certain topics that they don't seem to understand the topic they're covering or grasp the basics that well, and then recommending or referencing books and research papers written by these women. It means that women will often be overlooked for internships, research positions, and grants. And that is the sort of thing Scarlet faced as a young woman trying to learn everything she could. She had to work for the apprenticeships she could get, and with Beigarth, despite how highly he thought of her, she had to work harder to prove she was ready for more each step of the way. Finding anyone to teach her at all among the charr was a struggle, until an older woman took her in. And no one in Rata Sum took her seriously. 

There was more than just the fact that Scarlet was a woman at play with Rata Sum though. As stated, STEM has a bad sexism problem. But that's not all. STEM isn't just mostly men, but also mostly white men, and as such, the fields have a bit of a racism problem as well. Personally, I can only speak so much to this as I myself am white, have never faced racism, and never will face racism. I do know that the intelligence, skill, and effort of people of color goes largely unacknowledged. They will be denied the same opportunities and respect that their white peers receive, and their work and contributions will be ignored, exploited, and stolen. 

Racism in Tyria isn't the same as it is in the real world, though it is still present there, and prevalent. And it is something Scarlet has to face and struggle with repeatedly as a sylvari. The sylvari are young and new to Tyria. Because of this, the other prominent groups all tend to think of sylvari as innocent, ignorant, and overly naive. The asura are especially bad about this. They already think of themselves as the smartest of Tyria's inhabitants, above everyone else. And when they first encounter the sylvari, the asura refuse to believe this new group could even be sentient. So, when 11 year old Ceara shows up at the colleges, the Arcane Council and the asura in general doubt she could possibly understand asuran studies. She's a sylvari, after all, and just a girl on top of that. There's surely no way she could keep up. 

So when this young sylvari girl finishes at the top of her class in just a year, not once but twice, the Arcane council is intrigued. They don't respect her. They don't hold her work in high esteem. But they do want to know if this is some sort of fluke or if she can do it again. So she's admitted into the third and final college, and when she gets caught up in her studies, genuinely interested and invested in what she's learning and wanting to take her time to take it all in, the Council is disappointed. Never mind that Scarlet has already done what no other non-asura has. She took too long doing what she loved, learning, so the Council dismisses her, and dismisses her hard work. Her theories are looked down upon and ignored, and she is left with only support from Omadd, who can use her and her theories for his own gain, and the inquest. Omadd and the inquest make her feel valued and respected. The inquest let's her try anything she wants, it lets her really explore the fields of study she's most drawn to. The inquest makes sure to profit off her hard work and, when it comes down to it, the inquest leaves her to take the fall for everything. It's easy, after all, to pin the blame on someone already so looked down on by the society she's in. Scarlet is kicked out of the colleges and the city. She loses her access to information, her belongings, and even her own research and findings. All her hard work, taken from her because the inquest was more than glad to use a sylvari. 

And then of course, there's Omadd. He was glad to have Scarlet as a lab assistant, and endlessly fascinated by and supportive of her work. So once she's gone from Rata Sum, he leaves too, taking her research and starting on his own personal project. He gets stuck, he seeks Scarlet out, and he convinces her to help him again. Once Scarlet is back on board, the project goes smoothly and the two construct Omadd's Machine. Omadd's. Despite being built off Scarlet's theories and research, despite her being integral to the construction of this machine, it's Omadd's and it carries his name. Funny how that happens, isn't it? And once the machine is up and running, he thinks Scarlet should test it first. Who knows what could happen in there, better to leave it up to the assistant to try it out, and frame it as her getting the honor of the first try. As we all know, it goes poorly. Scarlet learns so much more, all the knowledge she had been seeking for over a decade, but in return, the seeds of Mordremoth are planted in her mind and slowly take over, destroying her. 

Now Scarlet, who has been used and devalued and disrespected and infantilized every step of the way, her whole life, is going to start tearing down the things that held her back for so long. She just needs a plan, and with the help of a certain sleeping dragon, one begins to form. 

There's something I glossed over earlier that is so important to note, and that's how Scarlet was treated in the Grove. Now, it's been stated explicitly by Scott McGough, a narrative designer for the fame, that Scarlet emerged with lacking empathy. Low empathy doesn't make Scarlet, or anyone, a bad person. It's sometimes a symptom of autism, as well as some personality disorders, and it does affect how Scarlet is treated. As an autistic person myself, Scarlet very much reads as autistic to me, between low empathy, a one track mind, and an intense special interest in the universe and its mechanics. She has a hard time connecting with others, is easily bored by subjects that don't relate back to her special interest, can focus intently on and get caught up in her work, and doesn't really get social graces or expectations. Regardless of any diagnosis she would have if she existed in our world, Scarlet is treated differently due to her low empathy, a trait she cannot help about herself. 

From the moment she emerges in the Grove, she is treated differently. She is talked down to. Her desire to take in her first sights and how it overwhelms her is dismissed as overconfidence and rudeness. Her own brother, barely older than her, talks like he knows so much more than her. Scarlet is an outsider among her own people. How does it feel to have low empathy among a race connected to each other deeply through empathy? Probably not great. Her studies in the Grove are limited, she is treated as rude and prideful for wanting to be independent and needing space. Rather than being accommodated, rather than being understood, Scarlet is infantilized, dismissed, and disregarded. She isn't neurotypical. She was born different. She's punished for it. 

When she emerges from Omadd's Machine, made from her own hard work and creativity, Scarlet Briar is a young woman who has frequently been overlooked and rarely understood. All these thoughts and ideas, all this passion, and the only people who have ever even seemed to understand her have used and betrayed her so thoroughly. Scarlet Briar has always had to look out for and take care of herself, as a woman, as a sylvari, as someone who is neurodivergent and is in a field that doesn't respect a single aspect of her identity. The world won't accommodate her and the world won't take her seriously. So why shouldn't she show the world what she can do? Why not force everyone to recognize her for who she is? Why not give in just a little to that voice that has been calling to her in her nightmares since she left the machine? After all, it promises power and recognition and a sense of belonging. 

[johannestevans]

transmisogyny and anti-transmasculinity absolutely affect trans people whether they're out of the closet or even aware of their gender or not, because like

yes, we might experience varying degrees of dysphoria depending on where we are in our experiences and our level of comfort, but like. cisgender people are also constantly obsessing over gender and aggressively enforce it, and they are even more aggressive to those who don't appear to understand their expected roles / obey them intuitively

transmisogyny is bound up in effeminophobia and homophobia, and can be everything from policing a young "boy"'s longer hair, their desires to be clean or keep things neat, how they dress, how they speak, how they hold themselves, even how they move, stand, or hold facial expressions, let alone what activities or hobbies they actually enjoy, are good at, or are drawn to

anti-transmasculinity is bound up in lesbophobia and esp issues with butchness, but will involve a lot of similar policing of all of the above

and these two primary bigotries and issues with gender nonconformity also of course intersect and crossover with bigotries and disgust that people hold about intersex people and what they perceive to be intersex and/or gender nonconforming traits - not to mention other intersecting bigotries such as racism, ESPECIALLY anti-Blackness, colourism, and texturism; fatphobia; ableism; general misogyny and homophobia, and classism

and for ALL of that comes not only a more complex relationship with puberty - for ourselves navigating it, the attitudes of others around us, our changing bodies and the changing bodies of others, our relationships to our own sexualities and desires throughout and the extent to which these things are clocked by those around us

adultification bias affects children who for whatever reason act more mature or are TREATED as more mature than other nearby children - young Black girls for example are often accused of being too fast as they grow up, and are more likely to be sexualised from a young age because of people's sexualised bias toward young Black bodies, although this is applied across the board to a lot of people who are perceived as or treated as female by those around them, especially as their bodies develop

and this sexualisation is also sometimes applied to young queer and trans people, esp thinking of young trans girl eggs or out girls, and young cis gay boys, because people perceive traits they determine as gay as worthy of sexualisation or indicative of sexuality

i think for a lot of trans people there's that experience of oversexualisation, including as children, because of the ways in which gender nonconformity and intersex traits mark some children to abusive adults as disposable - less likely to be valued or believed about accusations, more likely to be viewed by other adults as sexual or slutshamed, less confident in their self-expression or knowledge of consent and autonomy, etc etc

all this stuff is wrapped up in the lack of bodily autonomy and rights for all children and teenagers, of course, but there are a lot of traits at play here that specifically impact different trans and intersex people's experiences of presumed cisgender gender expression and treatment, because there are myriad ways we might be treated differently and especially subtly abusively by cis society around us

I've essentially made this post before but trans people are not in fact a useful insight into like. Comparing the subjective experience of men and women imo. Like I think a nascent trans girls experience of being a guy is not really thst similar to most cis guys experience. There's a nonzero amount of information but like to the extent we're talking about "the male experience" and "the female experience" trans people do not really experience Representative examples of either

[nonbinary-androids]

Tamara, The Betrayer

So, I was writing a response to a post by @teartra and @fxthieves (link will be in first rb) that was talking about the characters, and me being me, I wanted to hone in on one really niche aspect of Tamara’s character and then it hit 1k words and I decided it needed to be its own post lmao

I’m going to put this out there: I like that she does this! It adds a really interesting layer to her character, and especially in regards to how the reader will interpret her relationships with Call and authority! However, the way that these fairly serious breaches of trust are handled (or rather, not handled) is.... really bad.

Also, as an additional preface: I am not arguing whether or not Tamara was right to betray Call in these situations, nor does any of this make Tamara a bad person or a bad character- they make CC and HB bad writers, and Tamara seriously underdeveloped. Don’t let this make you hate her!!! Let this be the motivation that you need to write her the narrative that she deserves!

There are two main betrayals that I’m going to bring up here: when Tamara tells Rufus about Alastair in TCG, and when she abandons Call with Joseph in TSM.

Both of these happen because Tamara thinks that she knows better than Call, and so she goes over his head and reports him to authority figures; namely, the Assembly. In both cases, there is danger in going to the Assembly. In TCG, the Assembly know knows to target Call’s father, and Call has serious (and reasonable) worries that Alastair will be hurt. In TSM… well, even before the whole continuation of the war thing, she knows that the Assembly has imprisoned Call in the past. Now that’s he successfully raised the dead, what does she think they’re going to do??? Throw him a party?

Now, I’d like to note that this is narratively appropriate- someone has to raise the stakes (although how high the stakes rose in TSM is.... borderline laughable), and Tamara does this in a way that tells us about her and creates drama within the group to be brought up later. The problem here is that it never really comes up again, as so often happens with these books. Call just forgives her after a little while (or after no time at all in the case of TSM), which makes their relationship feel really awkward, makes Tamara look like an asshole, and makes the whole Aaron-in-Call’s-head thing so much weirder- like, fam, this girl was ready to start a war bc you didn’t want to kill him, but now that he’s living in your body (and feeding you lines?), it’s all cool?? No hard feelings from anyone involved????????? Hello????????????????

If they had actually fought over this and come to a compromise- I’m not saying it would have sold me on Calmara, but jesus christ, it would have made me a lot more comfortable throughout TGT. It definitely would have made their relationship more secure!

Going a little deeper into the implications that these betrayals have for the Calmara relationship, I think that this says something about the way that she sees Call.

As a disabled person, the way that she circumvents Call’s judgement kiiiiiiind of feels like ableism. One of the biiiiig issues in the realm of ableism is something called “infantiliziation”. On Tumblr, this is usually discussed in regards to turning people into soft uwu (usually very femme, for extra sexism) babies who can’t make their own decisions and calling them idiots, etc. This is also more commonly discussed in regards to afab trans people, east Asians, and neurodivergent folks, but it’s still a big problem in physically disabled people- however, this is usually seen in the later stages, where disability/presentation is seen as a reason to take away autonomy. That sounds drastic, but it often happens in small ways, often ones that are intended to be helpful, like steering a wheelchair user without asking, or trying to lead a blind person by grabbing them. It often happens subconsciously!

Whether or not you think it’s ableism, I think it does show that she thinks of herself as above Call, at least unconsciously. She decides unilaterally that her own judgement is best in both of these cases, even though Call is more informed on the issue at hand. Now, you could argue that Tamara was coming at it from a less emotional, more objective angle, but she also steamrolls Call’s attempts to justify/explain his rationale, which makes this questionable to me. (Again, not arguing whether or not she was right to do this, just going over how this affects her character!) This makes sense for her character- she comes from a place of really high privilege within the mage community, and we see her benefiting from it.

This is likely also a reason for the way that Tamara betrays Call; she does it by going to the Assembly. Tamara grew up with the Assembly, and as a rich legacy with parents on the board, she’s never really seen them as anything but good. In other words, she grew up with a massive amount of privilege, and it’s this privilege that makes her turn to these authority again and again. She believes that they are fair and rational, most likely because they are fair and rational to her, even with evidence to the contrary.

(Sidebar: that privilege also ties in to something I’ve mentioned in the past: Tamara is the book smart one of the group, and she understands how to move through mage society, but she is not the one with real knowledge of the world. The person with actual practical knowledge of this system, the world, and how it treats people? That’s Aaron!)

Now, I'm going to reiterate what I said at the start because I know that this seems to be a very negative piece: DO NOT HATE ON TAMARA BECAUSE OF THIS!!!!!!!!! Yes, I’m talking about a lot of flaws that she has, but those flaws are good! Flaws tells us about who Tamara could be, should be, and how she should have grown over the course of the narrative. This is also a very narrow analysis, focusing entirely on two interactions, one of which happened when the books had gotten so bad that they’ve largely been ignored. Tamara Rajavi has the potential to be an incredible character, and her flaws are just one facet to be explored.

[rotten-zucchinis]

Part 3: Alternative meaning of “should”

This is part of a series exploring the language of “I choose to...” and “I am prioritising...” (and avoidance of “I should...”) as it is regularly used in a particular Relationship Anarchy/Anarchism community... and some the ableism in how I’ve seen that play out (particularly insofar as it impacts folks with limitations related to chronic illness and neurodivergence).

Introduction (contextualising this conversation) [text]

Part 1: The meaning of “can” (or “I often do things I can’t do”) [text]

Part 2: “I choose to prioritise…” [text]

Part 3: Alternative meaning of “should”

Part 4: Navigating the costs…  [text]

Part 5: Choosing between a rock and a hard place [text]

Similar to how “can” and “can’t” often mean different things depending on people’s various dis/abilities (discussed in Part 1 [text]), that issue is also at play with the word “should” and the deliberate community project of avoiding it in order to reject and resist any implicit obligations and in order to take ownership of personal choices. I agree that making things explicit that are otherwise taken-for-granted is important (and a necessary first step in the process of evaluating whether these things align with our values). In the context of relationships and the coercive systems of reciprocal obligations and entitlements that are regularly at play, this little word “should” both conceals and normalises powerful, harmful assumptions. There's a lot to unpack there that need unpacking. But it's not always a simple as replacing “I should do __” with “I choose to prioritise __” because “should” here is shorthand for something a little more complicated than a simple choice of priority.

Often it's the second part of an “if... then...” statement related to natural consequences and instrumental actions: if I want to do X, then I have to do Y in order to make that possible, and since I want to do X, then I should do Y. People routinely take actions that are instrumental in achieving future priorities. I should start cooking the food now because I want the food to be ready in time for the event's dinner break. “I should get started on food prep” doesn't mean “I'm choosing to prioritise food prep right now”. It means “I'm choosing to prioritise having food ready for the dinner break and if I want to accomplish that, then I need to start now”.

Sometimes, people face limitations that connect goals in the future to actions now in ways that aren't obvious to everyone and whose sequences of natural consequences are specific to those limitations. For example, I might want to go on a postering run this evening (or participate in a zoom discussion) and support my friend with a doctor's appointment tomorrow. But if I'm already near or over capacity and if I go on the postering run (or participate in the discussion) I likely won't be able to lift the walker tomorrow without risking breaking it and/or I'm likely to lose my words during the appointment. And in that appointment, if I don't confidently affirm to the doctor that intentional weightloss is not an evidence-based treatment for __ and use my knowledge of the medical literature to debunk their points/arguments, then my friend won't get access to the healthcare they need. So going me postering this evening would most likely set off a chain of events resulting in my friend's mobility device incurring damage and/or my friend being unable to access appropriate healthcare.

If I opt to skip the postering run (or virtual discussion) so that I can rest so that I can do a good job of supporting my friend at their doctor's appointment tomorrow, my priority isn't self-care, or if it is, it might be only an instrumental priority in service of a higher priority. (Not that prioritising self-care for its own sake woudn't be valid— it would be, but that's not an accurate representation of my priorities in this scenario). Instead, I'm recognising my limits and prioritising helping my friend mitigate the discrimination they face in a healthcare context for being both fat and disabled (and trans— though my presence as another obviously queer-looking possibly trans-looking trans person probably isn't going to help that aspect). It's just that, unlike for other people, choosing to prioritise helping my friend tomorrow means having to duck out of the postering run (or discussion) today because it is not within my capacity to do both.

So in that context, “I should skip the postering” or “I should skip the discussion” means “I'm choosing to prioritise supporting my friend tomorrow and therefore I can't go postering tonight (without risking compromising that goal)”. But communicating that in a context where people are deliberately avoiding “shoulds” and “can'ts” would take a lot of explanatory work. Since most people could go postering tonight (or participate in the discussion) and also support their friend tomorrow if they wanted to, a lot of people have difficulty understanding my limitation. That means simply naming the priority (i.e., “I'm choosing to prioritise supporting my friend tomorrow”) would generally fall flat— from experience, that sort of thing just tends to confuse people, because what does supporting my friend tomorrow have to do with my choices for activities today?

If I want people to understand the connection between my choices to opt out of certain things and my priorities to do other things, then I need to do a lot of educational work (explored more in Part 4 [text])— and it's a rare gift to be around people who understand the connection without needing an explanation. In other words, providing this explanation is extra work that would be required of me (if I want to achieve understanding) only because I face limitations that other people don't face and that aren't taken-for-granted as “normal”. Ultimately, whether or not I'm willing to do this work, I face more barriers to other people understanding my choices than do those with more typical ranges of abilities.

[jawnkeets]

Hi, I am the anon who asked about diversity in Oxford, and more specifically Magdalen. I have noticed that you have answered a couple asks but have possible avoided my one (?). I wasn't trying to put you on the spot or somehow hold you accountable/representative of anything, I simply wanted some insight and to know some of your thoughts on the issue as a student. It's okay if you don't want to answer, but it would be very helpful to me and (I am sure) to a lot of others as well.

hello my love! i’m so sorry for not replying before; i’ve been working at the pub all afternoon and the other asks only took a minute or so to answer to whereas this required a more detailed response. for anyone this may help, here was the original ask:

Hi! I had an interview at Magdalen in December and I really liked the tutors and college. However, I was thrown off by the lack of diversity at interviews :( , possibly bc I come from London so my perception of what is considered ‘diverse’ is probably quite skewed. How was your experience regarding this and is it really as bad as others make it out to be (e.g. magdalen is full of tories, it is very private-school-y)?

i honestly had no idea how to reply to this at first, because the last thing i want to do is put you off magdalen, when i adore both my college and oxford in general. i also would hate for you to make decisions based upon one viewpoint that is definitely not comprehensive or even necessarily accurate. 

that said, i don’t think it’s very diverse on the whole. i’m pretty sure magdalen has one of the most disproportionate private to state school ratios out of the oxford colleges, and i haven’t personally encountered much diversity when it comes to ethnicity either, although BME intake has been increasing (here’s a breakdown on the oxford university website if you want to look into ethnicity statistics further). however, the college have stated they are working on diversity (from access to life around college), and there have been compulsory racial and lgbt workshops in freshers’ week introduced within the last couple of years, as well as reps for equality appointed who continue to challenge the college’s lack of diversity and listen to/ speak out for minority groups. i would say that the college is diverse in terms of sexuality, however, from my experience (there isn’t such a big trans community, although it is present to my knowledge in oxford more generally). in terms of whether magdalen students are generally conservative, i have encountered a wide variety of political opinions. 

i would like to say though that the private-state school ratio is not as intimidating as it seems! the students and tutors here have been in my experience very friendly, whether private or state-educated (my victorian tutor this term was first gen like me), and the majority are more clued up on issues of racism, sexism, homophobia, transphobia, classism, ableism etc than most of the people i knew at school and conscious of what privilege they have. i have state school friends and private school friends. sadly i can’t guarantee that you won’t experience discrimination at magdalen or oxford in general (and i won’t lie and say that i always feel i fit in, or that i haven’t had to toughen up a fair bit since october) but i would say that it isn’t something you would have to worry about especially at oxford over other universities (there will be respectful and disrespectful people attending any institution). it isn’t a perfect place by any means, but i’ve had the most amazing two months of my life here so far. 

best of luck in january! would be awesome to see you at magdalen next october :+) 

p. s. for anyone else who’s wondering why i haven’t replied to their ask - i’m so sorry! over the past 3 ish months due to workload they’ve been piling up and i currently have over 325 messages in my inbox. feel free to resend x

[brightbeautifulthings]

The Count of Monte Cristo by Alexandre Dumas (trans. Robin Buss)

"'I have heard it said that the dead have never done, in six thousand years, as much evil as the living do in a single day.'"

Year Read: 2019

Rating: 3/5

Context: Last year’s year-long Les Mis read went so well, I decided to choose another intimidating classic to tackle in the same fashion this year. I know myself, and if I don't deliberately pace out a book like this, I'll try to read a thousand pages in a week, and it will just be a miserable experience. (That's not to say some classics aren't miserable experiences regardless of how you read them, but that's another issue entirely.) The Count of Monte Cristo was calling to me from the shelf, and by pure luck, I already owned the edition I wanted to read (plus a B&N abridged version that promptly went into the donation box). Reviews overwhelmingly praise Robin Buss’s translation for ease/modernity, and the Penguin Classics haven’t let me down yet.

For my less coherent updates in real-time: I, II, III, IV, V, VI, VII, VIII, IX. My review is spoiler-free, but my updates are not, so read with caution if you’re not familiar. Trigger warnings: In a book with a thousand pages? Everything, probably, but for sure death, parent/child death, suicide/suicidal thoughts, severe illness, guns, abduction, poisoning, slavery, mental illness, sexism, ableism, grief, depression.

About: When forces conspire to have sailor Edmond Dantès arrested for a crime he didn't commit, he spends years in a hellish prison, fighting to stay sane. Through bravery and good fortune, he manages to escape, and he assumes a new identity for himself: The Count of Monte Cristo. Under this guise, he inserts himself into the lives of the French nobility, vowing revenge on those who wronged him.

Thoughts: Like most thousand page novels, there's no reason this novel needs to be a thousand pages, but the one thing I can say about them, collectively, is that I come away feeling like I have a relationship with them that I usually don't get from a shorter book unless I've read it multiple times. And it makes sense: I've been reading this book for a year. I've had relationships with actual humans that were much shorter than that. Dumas's prose (helped along by Buss's translation) is accessible and not overly dry, if not quite as humorous as Victor Hugo’s. Thanks to both of them, I now have a rudimentary understanding of the French Revolution and the difference between a Royalist and Bonapartist (because truly the only way to make me read about history is to put it in a novel).

Dumas proves himself more capable of staying on topic though, with one or two exceptions. The only margin note I cared to write was, apparently, "Horrible digression", and I stand by that. As soon as the novel leaves Dantès’s perspective, it gets less interesting, beginning with Franz encountering Sinbad the Sailor on Monte Cristo and continuing with the Very Weird and Terrible Side Anecdotes about bandits in Rome. Otherwise, much of the storyline is more or less linear, without the intricacies of Waterloo or the Paris sewer system. It grows more chaotic as the book goes on though, with frequent digressions into every character's backstory.

The plot takes such a drastic turn that it's almost like reading two different novels with two different main characters. At the beginning, it’s most like an adventure story. There are sailors, prison breaks, and buried treasure. Yet, for all those things, it’s surprisingly un-suspenseful. Dumas has a very stolid way of story-telling. The pace is almost supernaturally consistent, so that even things that probably should have tension in them are presented as a matter of course. (Or maybe I’m just hugely desensitized by media.) I wasn’t as excited as I thought I should be during some of the more compelling parts, but there’s something reassuring about Dumas’s relentlessly straightforward story-telling.

The middle takes a major dip in interest. Cue a lot of long and tedious backstories, plus Monte Cristo's elaborate set-ups to take down his enemies. It basically devolves into a soap opera of the various dramas of Paris’s rich and powerful families. Monte Cristo barely needs to lift a finger to destroy these people, since with a few mostly harmless suggestions, it looks like they're all going to self-destruct at any moment without outside help. The ending never really recovers from the action of the beginning, thanks in large part to the characters. There are more than it's worth keeping track of, including a lot of side characters, family members, and name changes. A detailed, spoiler-free flow chart of how everyone is connected to everyone else would have been helpful. (But be careful about Googling those because spoilers.)

Edmond Dantès is an easy hero to pull for, since he’s honest, good, and capable, and he has a kind of earnest faith that things will work out that’s endearing. He goes through a fair amount of character development in prison, and his father/son relationship with Faria is especially moving. On the other hand, it's difficult to like his alternate persona, The Count of Monte Cristo. Dumas goes a bit overboard in making him filthy rich and knowledgeable about literally every subject, and no matter how generous he is to his slaves, they're still slaves. Whether he’s playing the part of a pompous ass or is actually a pompous ass is sort of irrelevant by the end. There are a couple of flailing attempts at character development in the last sections where he wonders whether he had the right to do everything he did, but it's too little/too late to make much of an impact.

The story wouldn't work without some Shakespeare-level villains. Danglars is Iago whispering in Othello’s ear, and Villefort is even more insidious because his upstanding citizen act is so convincing. Caderousse is just a coward, and it’s interesting to see how jealousy, ambition, and fear all play an integral part in condemning an innocent man. Mercédès is a bland love interest; Valentine and Morrel are basically the Cosette and Marius of the novel, but at least there are some decent people on the page to pull for. Much as I dislike all the descriptors of Eugenie as “masculine” (because she must be less of a woman if she has a mind of her own), she's a powerhouse, and I was living for her lesbian relationship with her piano instructor.

It's clear Dumas has no idea when to end a story, since every time I thought we'd wrapped up a plot with a certain character, they'd resurface a few chapters later to spin it out a little further. Though everything (and I do mean everything) moves much more slowly than necessary, I was satisfied with the way it all played out. It's hard to come back from a main character I can barely stand though, and I happen to not like novels where nearly every character is terrible. While I found Les Mis surprisingly relevant on its social commentary, I’m struggling to see why Monte Cristo has stuck around. Only the first parts could reliably be called an "adventure novel," and the rest is purely middle of the road.

[big-gay-bird]

I just need to like... word vomit vent about everything because I’m not really sleeping again and it’s causing some not so nice idealtions in my head.  Cw; bureaucracy, pain, food problems, parents mentioned, ableism, internalized ableism  

So I have to renew SNAP and my general assistance which requires printing off proof of EVERYTHING. All of the documents I give them will be almost identical to the ones I gave them last year and the year before.   MA is still not letting me fill out the digital form; an issue we called them about months ago.  I still have no idea how to fucking even begin SSI and am completely reliant on my mom’s blessing every step because she is financially supporting us in a big way and any financial choices I make affect her.  (She’s not like abusive about it or anything this is just not a fun place to be in as a 22 yo. )  My doctor is having me run through all the same specialists again to see if they’ve missed anything. (They have not and I am more knowledgable about fibro than too many of them) My body is finding new and exciting ways to make me suffer; I have stabbing pains in my ribcage that won’t fucking stop despite the anti inflammatories and have some how lost even more of my appetite to the point where I feel violently ill and gag constantly when I don’t eat things I specifically crave.  My ASL professor is going way way too fast for everyone in the class and is a general hard ass about grading when I am pushing past my boundaries to give it my all. We’re all panicking because we’re getting shitty grades and if I don’t get good enough grades I can’t get into the program I need to get into.  So all this is going on in the background and today I just broke when I got a message from my GI saying my genome doesn’t test for celiacs. He’s been patient and professional but it’s very clear he thinks I just have IBS which does not explain many of full body symptoms that I get.  I am so overwhelmed and I am tired of feeling so pathetic and useless while rehashing my trauma of being gaslit by doctors all the damn time.  I just want to feel ok for once. I want to have just some, any, financial independence so I don’t have to beg my partners like my parents for more than essentials. I want to help pay for house, I want chickens, I want a nice wedding, I want kids. I want to feel like an adult and live my goddamn live. I want a life where I finally have a manageable level of stress, a level that doesn’t make every inch of my body worse.  I hate that this is all too much to ask.  I hate my body  And I hate everyone that makes me hate my body when I am constantly doing so much fucking work just to live in not only as a disabled person but as a fat q*eer trans one too 

[toronto-aces-and-aros]

Would you like to facilitate ace/arospec workshops in the GTA?

As some of you already know, Ace Toronto has an Education & Outreach Team that facilitates workshops around ace and arospec topics. We also do various other activities like host info tables at various event, develop printable resources, etc.

We've been facilitating workshops through Ace Toronto for more than 3 years and have developed positive relationships with various community organisations. Most of our workshops are for youth, but some are for teachers, service providers and more general audiences.

This work isn't necessarily "the same ol' 101 stuff", as we try to take a more integrative approach based in recognising and challenging larger systems of marginalisation and oppression. (This means things like racism, ableism, heterosexism and other systems of oppression always need to be part of our conversation about things like compulsory sexuality and amatonormativity.) And of course, all our work also includes information about gender diversity and trans and/or non-binary identities. (Our work is politically in line with our Mission Statement.)

We also try to be more interactive and do most of our workshops without powerpoint.

We are looking for more volunteer facilitators!

Do you have knowledge of ace and/or arospec stuff or issues around relationships, consent, etc. but no experience facilitating (but would like to get some)? Please volunteer!

Do you have experience with facilitation but not so much with ace/arospec stuff (but would like to learn more)? That's great too!

Are you new to ace and/or arospec stuff and also new to facilitation? If you're willing to put in a bit more work with training, we'd be glad to have you!

There are facilitation activities throughout the year but late mid-late fall and mid-late spring are our busiest times. Workshops are often on weekday afternoons and evenings, though there are also occassional weekend events.

If you're interested in getting involved, please e-mail us (ace.toronto.general@gmail.com) with:

a bit about yourself (e.g, name, pronouns, roughly where in the GTA your are, how your situate yourself in the context of ace/arospec stuff, and anything else that you'd like to share),

what kind of experience you have that might be relevant to doing this kind of work, and

why you'd like to become a facilitator (it doesn't have to be long!)

Please note that while Ace Toronto often receives financial compensation for these workshops, the individual facilitators do not (beyond the possibility of being reimbursed for travel costs). All money received from our outreach and educational activities goes toward Ace Toronto event costs (e.g., allowing us to have ASL interpretation for some of our events, occasionally book spaces that require fees and print some resources).

Please pass this along to anyone who might be interested.  @yu-aces @ryepride @teenhealthsource

[reading-while-queer]

If I Was Your Girl, Meredith Russo

Rating: Great Read/Mixed Review Genre: Realism, Coming Out, High School, Romance Representation: -Trans girl protagonist -Trans woman supporting character -Bi supporting character -Lesbian supporting character -Mentally ill protagonist (anxiety and depression) Note: This book does contain sexual content Trigger Warnings: Attempted suicide, rape (mentioned), sexual assault (in scene), physical assault, hospitalization, scars, guns, f slur, d slur, ableism re: psychosis

I’m conflicted between “Great Read” and “Mediocre.”  On the one hand, If I Was Your Girl is an Own Voices story about a trans girl by a trans author, which makes it inherently more valuable than anything cis authors are writing about trans characters.  That alone recommends it—there isn’t enough trans-authored YA for us to be choosy. The narrative was compelling, and I really cared about Amanda as she navigated a new town where nobody knew her, where she could actually live as a girl without her transgender status being public knowledge.  It was a page-turner.  Amanda’s high school romance was cute and over the top romantic.

On the other hand, it’s never that simple…

Amanda meets every standard for the “correct” way to be a trans girl.  Amanda knew she was a girl from a very young age, she’s attracted to men, she isn’t good at masculine-coded things like sports, she passes after one year on HRT, and at 18 she has already had “the surgery” (Russo’s words, not mine). Russo even addresses how larger than life Amanda’s transition is in an author’s note.  She says: 

“I have taken liberties with what I know reality to be.  I have fictionalized things to make them work in my story.  I have, in some ways, cleaved to stereotypes and even bent rules to make Amanda’s trans-ness as unchallenging to normative assumptions as possible.”  

Reading that author’s note, I was left wondering what purpose Amanda serves, then, if getting on hormones at her age (let alone GRS) would have been a much more arduous—even impossible, given her family’s income—experience in real life.  Just what are young adult readers supposed to gain from this book?  

I have thought really hard on this question, and I don’t have an answer.  If Amanda’s life is almost universally unattainable for real life trans girls, is she intended to be a power fantasy?  She has everything.  She’s friends with the popular girls.  All her friends comment on how beautiful she is.  She has an attentive, sensitive boyfriend on the football team.  And (spoiler alert) she even wins homecoming queen.  On the whole, I can see why Russo chose to have Amanda win the “genetic lottery” re: passing and transition.  She doesn’t have body dysphoria.  She manages to get on E before her voice changes.  There is no way for anyone to know she’s trans unless she tells them.  She is in complete control of her fate—in no danger unless she chooses to take the risk of coming out.  I imagine for a good number of readers, Amanda is a powerful escape.

But you could also argue that Amanda’s physical perfection, her perfect assimilation as a beautiful girl who gets hit on by straight guys at parties, while maybe intended to be a power fantasy, is really just a slap in the face to most girls, for whom that reality is not remotely in sight.  I think that different readers will have different experiences of the text depending on what they need—and that’s okay.

What really bothered me wasn’t Amanda’s adherence to impossible standards, but the combination of Amanda’s admittedly idealized transition with a narrative that won’t stop beating her, literally, into the dirt.  It felt like Russo couldn’t make up her mind about what she wanted the novel to be: uplifting escapist fantasy or violent social criticism?  I’m not saying there isn’t a place for violence in trans literature.  It’s the reality for so many, and those stories should be told.  Amanda was beaten in grade school, in sophomore year she tried to kill herself, and the catalyst for her move to live with her father was an assault in a women’s restroom which left her hospitalized. After her move (beware: this is spoiler territory!), it seems like If I Was Your Girl is going to be a story about healing.  She’s living a high school romance novel, identical to any average YA romance.  Yet disaster strikes.  Amanda places her confidence in someone who betrays it, outing her to the whole school, and leading to a graphic sexual assault.  

I was disappointed.  Amanda is the “right” trans girl—she’s got the “girl parts,” she’s stealth, she hangs out with the popular kids—but instead of being the power fantasy for young trans readers that she should have been, the narrative takes a twist for the “reality check” with her assault.  Her boyfriend dumps her.  Her friends stand by her (sort of), but the novel ends before she and her boyfriend reconcile. While Amanda is hopeful at the end of the book, it’s certainly not a happy ending.  Paired with the power fantasy, I just didn’t understand why Russo went with the “reality check” plot—it seems like a complete mismatch, and gives trans girls the awful message that even if you pass perfectly, even if you meet every cis standard, you should expect sexual violence as a fact of life.  That’s the kind of terrorization that is completely unnecessary to afflict upon young trans readers.  Trans girls don’t need to be told they are at risk, and certainly not in a novel which started out as a promising romance—only to have that ripped away.

Honestly, the “outed in front of the whole school” plot wasn’t well developed, and even if it had been done well, it’s a plot that I think does more harm than good as a staple of queer YA.  It preys on queer kids’ fears in order to sell them mediocre writing.  I went into If I Was Your Girl believing it was a romance novel featuring a trans protagonist, but it really wasn’t.  It was the same should-I-come-out-or-stay-closeted angst I’ve read a hundred times.  I could have dealt with that if it had at least had a happy ending like most books that use that formula.

More than all of the above, though, I was bothered that the novel encourages Amanda’s poor self image. She never learns that she deserves better.  She eagerly applauds the “love the sinner, hate the sin” acceptance of her conservative friend.  “I probably would have done the same, if I found out one of you was trans” (paraphrase) she says to her friends when they didn’t text or call after she was outed. “I understand if you don’t want to be with me anymore” (paraphrase) she says to her boyfriend.  She never learns to value herself.  Being trans never becomes a positive for her—it’s always shameful.  Her older friend from back home, also a trans woman, would have been the perfect voice for self worth, but no one ever tells Amanda she deserves better.  By extension, no one ever tells the reader they deserve better.

I’m willing to accept that I just don’t understand this book.  Like I said before, it was a page-turner.  I loved Amanda.  I wanted her and her boyfriend to get together.  I was interested in the secondary characters and their issues, especially Bee and Chloe.  I was so, so disappointed when the narrative offered her happiness and then snatched it suddenly away, only to give back a pittance compared with what she had had before. Amanda deserved happiness, and it is just really puzzling to me that even in a fictional story where Amanda can have everything transition-wise, a high school romance is still beyond what YA is willing to give a trans girl.

I may be being unfair.  After all, this is Own Voices fiction, and I have to be aware of the tendency to criticize marginalized authors more harshly than straight and/or cis authors. The fact of the matter is, I can’t reach a conclusion with regards to If I Was Your Girl.  I’m confused by it.  I don’t understand why Russo made the choices she made.  I can’t even really speculate because I just don’t get it.  And I’m willing to say that maybe the problem is I’m not a trans girl and I’m not straight—Amanda’s is a very different queer experience from my own, and readers with her experience may find something in If I Was Your Girl that I didn’t.  Some people might need this book, and I think that’s completely valid.  For others, this book might be painful.  It’s all up to what the reader is looking for--I would urge any reader to proceed with caution and consider the trigger warnings I’ve listed, but don’t let this review prevent you from picking up the novel.

For more from Meredith Russo, visit her Tumblr here.