#they are forever partners

[sbgyri]

Jeaneil doodles

[color-ns]

Sometimes tweeter people know their stuff- this is the right kind of toxic angst I want to read.

[nikki-rook]

smitten | adjective | smit·​ten deeply affected with or struck by strong feelings of attraction, affection, or infatuation

[inkskinned]

in internet posts it is easy to cut them out of your life. they are hurting you! they aren't listening to you!

they held your hair back. they lent you lipstick. they held your hand at the train station and got you home safe. they rounded on your bully, got loud, said get fucked, spitting-mad in your defense.

they also cut the hair off again. told you that you should really think twice before wearing something like that. took you for granted. took your insecurities and threw them in your face again.

you know logically it should be easy. all the internet advice comments always read it will feel better. like an equation - if a person is rotten, you just remove them. you pull the tooth that's hurting.

but it was never a big flare-up moment. you don't live in a sitcom. they never tried to take your boyfriend or steal from your apartment. they showed up to birthdays and they wrote songs about you and bring you water without you asking. once you found out they carry an emergency inhaler for you, even though you haven't had an asthma attack in years - just in case.

where is the line? people fuck up. sometimes they fuck up badly. sometimes people have raw personalities, like a powerline, and being around them is dangerous. addicting. sometimes they can't help themselves, but you know they're trying. sometimes they are just rough-around-the-edges. sometimes they don't even realize how they sounded when they said that. sometimes it's just - you've both loved each other for so long now, the way this thing hurts goes back to the root.

and that's the fucked up part. you have pushed your fingers against the sweetheart of memory. things these days are electric, tense, harrowing. they didn't used to be. there were a lot of good days in there. sometimes you want to just close your eyes and say can this be over yet? do we still need to be fighting?

doing that would give up any chance you get of getting an apology, but you don't always know that you need an apology, you love them. once they flaked on your birthday party. once they told you to get over it, people are always dying. they also let you crash on their couch for a week after the breakup, handfeeding you when you were so sad you couldn't eat. they are also judgmental about everything, occasionally react to banal statements with an attitude that is weird and fiery. they also love you like a lighthouse sometimes, so strong they cut the storm like lightning.

but the problem is that you might be storm. you might be the thing that needs breaking. what if you are two forces who are desperately, horribly drawn to each other, shaped by the other person's passions, and both good for each other and bad in equal measure.

what if you're both just people, and you're no saint neither.

just cut them off! swallowing the saltwater, you catch yourself in the mirror. you've been shaking more than usual. there's an ache in you that is oblique, loud, impossible to soothe. is this what it looks like? when life is "easier"?

your mouth will always have a hole, is the thing, if you remove the tooth.

[dawnatlas]

(raven neil au) im having so many thoughts about them all the time

[kevindavidday]

thinking of neil's pause before asking jean what happened to him in tsc. the five second window where he was probably like: "kevin might kill me for this but i think i might have to beat the shit out of jeremy knox if he's done something to jean."

[omokel]

no thoughts just them

[ionlydrinkhotwater]

Neil is willing to kill for Jean, having only been his partner at the Nest for three weeks. Can you imagine if they had grown up together?

Also I can't get over the thought of Nathaniel comforting Jean whose pining for Kevin.

And that because they both grew up so unloved and uncared for they always use terms of endearment and hug a lot (they still snark each other, of course). They are the most important person to the other.

Imagine if they got rescued by the Foxes and the headache Wymack, Betsy and Abby have trying to coax them out of their codependency. Lol good luck.

Wymack: maybe go for a walk Jean

Jean: ok I'll get Nate

Wymack: or you could go by yourself?

*Jean and Nate start screaming like they're being murdered*

[meatiors]

end of my tether

[kev-day]

ok yesterday i saw a post about how kevin lost $10 in a bet about neil which was silly goofy and whatever but it got me to thinking about how actually kevin has so much faith in his people that i could bawl my eyes out.

[sadboyjacinter]

feeling fucking sick after reading the sunshine court and then rereading the banquet scene where jean lists off all of neil's false identities. like u know jean was staring at this man who was supposed to be his partner—his brother—with so much resentment. he looked at him and thought of what could have been. i know jean says the names casually but i like to think with every name his tone became a little more clipped. each identity a reminder of who neil was supposed to be, who he was supposed to be for jean. and it probably hurt even more that it was kevin who found him. kevin who gets everything. kevin who gets to leave. and now, kevin who gets to have HIS partner. jean was devastated in ways neil and kevin couldnt even comprehend.

[kitamars]

👊‼️‼️

[you-know-i-get-itt]

jean and his experience with drowning while in an otherwise dry and dark place vs neil and his experience with fire while feet away from the ocean

[mellosghosts]

this is how their little brains work methinks

[dawnatlas]

(raven neil au) wanted to draw them napping together again....

[lotus-pear]

"feels like we could go on for forever this way.." (x)