#they are actually have a queer platonic relationship

[queerclownaf]

A tale of two hearts, an Ever After High Fanfic

   -Don't move- Briar cautioned- I dont want to paint your finger.

   Apple smiled politely, like she always does, but continued moving her head to the sides, so she could take a glance at the movie that Briar´s head was preventing her from seeing.

   -I said don't move!!- Briar raised her voice

   -Shhhh, Ashlynn is sleeping- laughed Apple.

   -So don't move-

   -Ok… I will try.

   With an angry, but jokingly glance, Briar continued painting her friends' nails. Her chosen color was a nude, a more pinkish nude than the once Apple was used to wearing. Briar had a considerable large collection of nail polish, going from vermillion to jade green to lemon yellow, however Apple chose that color, as she was only allowed to wear nude colors on makeup. On clothing she was allowed to wear more colors, specifically the ones of the White family, red and gold, that Apple wore proudly. She didn't see that family law as a prohibition, she understood it better as a way to show their status as the actual royalty of her family.

   She gazed at her friend, her head full of pink strikes, her fluor green nails, her mismatched pijama clothing, with a blue short and an old band t-shirt, so old the entire logo was gone. Then she scanned herself, her two piece champagne color long pijamas, her long and well maintained blond hair, she was exactly like a princess should be, she even took pride in it. She thought about all the lessons, how to be a perfect princess, how to sit, how to dress, how to think. Her mind rambled a while on those teachings, whose memories started when she was a toddler, being told how to play, how and when to talk. She focused on her friend again, in how you could always know what she was thinking, she could express how she felt. She then felt something on her chest, a pain she tends to feel when thinking about other people's behavior. For a long time, she understood that pain as being judgemental, as her being critical of her peers behavior, as something she should take note to not do it herself. But at that moment, relaxed and actually analyzing herself she realized that the pain was another thing. It was jealousy, she was jealous of Briar. She was so open, so chatty, so herself, and everybody loved her for that. She thought of Briar's favorite color, fuschia, something that everyone would know; she was always trying to introduce that color in her daily life. She then focused on her own favorite color, red, the color she took so much pride in, the color of her family, the color of her destiny, when she bites the red apple and gets in a coma, to be recued by her prince. The favorite color of her mother, and her grandma, and every Snow White ever born. She was not special, something that should make her feel connected to her destiny, but it only made her feel… artificial. Everything on her life was monitored, was created, she was her mothers little doll. With horror, she realized she didn't know herself, even though she tried to think about something that differentiated her from her mother and her understanding of the perfect daughter and future queen, she was blank. She was a stranger in her own mind. And then was Briar, she was allowed to find herself, to experiment with her presentation. She was allowed to be. 

   Her eyes alarmingly opened, as the realization settled on her mind, a single tear fell from her blue eyes. The pain of her chest, jealousy, was replaced by guilt, guilt she felt for feeling that of her best friend forever after. Tears continued to fall, she tried to stop them, looking to the ceiling, but it didn't work. She started crying. Briar, surprised by the sudden crying noise, looked up, but Apple´s eyes avoided hers. Briar grabbed her face, with quite more force than she would have liked, but that exactly made her friend look at her in the eyes. She saw desperation, pain and loneliness. She understood her perfectly. Briar smiled a little, physically closer than she never had ever been with anybody. Apple smiled at her back and Briar smiled even bigger, she was so beautiful. Without second thoughts, Apple shortened the distance, and pressed her lips toward Briars. Before she could realize she messed up, Briar started kissing her.It was a long and warm kiss, although pretty inexperienced, but it was the best one that Apple had ever had. Her first kiss was with Daring, it was short and it felt wrong, something was lacking. When the kiss ended, she obviously smiled politely (like she always does) and said that they should wait till they are married, and maybe, she thought, it would be enough there. This kiss, however, felt full, caring, loving, amazing. 

When they separated, both with full smiles on their faces, they hugged. Nothing mattered, because they had each other. They got into bed, grabbed each other's hands, and fell asleep. 

[boredlime]

“kind of dating” but not as in a situationship or talking stage but in that your relationship is unique to you and transcends the boundaries of being friends and being in a romantic relationship in a way that is much too complicated to explain to someone without discussing it for at least half an hour and we don’t have that kind of time because you were just casually asking who they are to me

[beanghostprincess]

When I said Jotaro was the gayest Jojo, I lied. It's Josuke. At least Jotaro can be bi for plot purposes but I don't think Josuke could even kiss a girl without feeling something's awfully wrong.

[mintaikkcorpse]

Me reading a fic where the person had an identidy realization that they were in he aroace spectrum and now they were figuring themselves out(I finally found something that understood me and a romance I could relate to after all these years)

[ratatoast]

my heart yearns for Alastor qpr fanfics...

if I were to potentially write one, perchance

do keep in mind tho that I've never written for hazbin before lol, not even a simple draft

however, as an aroace menace, I feel that it's my job to contribute at least this much haha

edit: it's up :] I made it my pinned post xoxo

[w-40-k]

On the subject of names in regards to the Titus x Graia posts (also Graia's appearance)

So, for this we'll first start out with the names I have used thus far and then move onto Graia itself.

- Tigerius' representative is named *Tiresias*

Now I was thinking 'hey wouldn't it be funny if the liberian (magic man) is named after the roman version of Merlin'

Like, either it was going to be that, or whatever the male version of the name Belinda is (witch who beings the Christmas gifts in Italy).

When looking it up (anchient/roman version of merlin) one site proposed both the name of a real person who lived during that time Diogenes), and the myth that might've actually inspired the merlin myth itself, who happened to be a guy named *Tiresias*.

I was originally thinking of combining both of those names for a full given and family name, but decided against it.

Though if the Tiresias in our discussions ever happens to become a reoccurring figure, then I'll definitely give him a given name.

- Next up is our dear bother chaplin Leandros himself.

The decision to name him Telamon stems from the fact that @mellennia compared him and his character to the myth of the titan Atlas (I'd reccomend you'd read that portion of the post itself, for yourself bc he put it very well) during our discussions at some point.

I was originally going to just keep the name Atlas as Leandros given name but it didn't role of the tounge all that well, unlike your typical 40k name.

So i asked the Internet (anchient roman version of atlas) and one site:

https://study.com/academy/lesson/atlas-in-greek-mythology-story-facts.html#:~:text=Therefore%2C%20Atlas%20was%20condemned%20to,pillars%20used%20to%20support%20buildings.

Gave said that the Romans called Atlas, Atlas *Telamon*.

Telamon apparently is a builder term and translates to 'pillar'.

That *fit* for several reasons.

1. Leandros as a chaplin, plays a vital part in his brotherhood, being one of the pillars of his community

2. Leandros as @mellennia pointed out very much fits the myth of Atlas in how he is burdened by his past (current stuggle).

3. However, part of the *why* and *how* that happened is bc he treated the codex as a ruleset or even a texts of *law* (past stuggle,[expanded upon in the discussions])

4. Laws which are a fundamental part of the three pillars of the separation of powers, which divide and control state power in a democracy. Which Leandros in his duties as a chaplin deals with every day.

Also Guilliman's eventual plan, for after the astartes would run out of things to fight, was to turn the UM into statesmen, administrators and the like.

(Got to put all of that trans-human smarts and durability to use for the good of humanity, whilst also giving them smth to do, you know? Birds and stones and all that)

On a somewhat related note, I've also decided that if Leandros given name translates to pillar, his parents might've been builders, stone masons or some other type of artisan who builds things

(roman inspired legion means on Macragge there's going to be alot of aqueducts, briges and other big structures that need building and maintaining)

- Now we come to Titus who in his flashback was briefly referred to as *Subject 20*

'T' is the twentieth number of the alphabet. Also i wanted to demonstrate how Thorax views Titus not as a person and individual, but just another case. Dehumanisation is merely another one of his tools to get the results he wants

The numbering also has conotations with inmates, prisoners and prisons in general.

And it occurred to me that *Nullus* is also a number. 'vīgintī' is the Latin term for twenty.

But that would still sounds like a *name*, as oposed to a hard, cold *number*, (clinical and impersonal). It also very much looks different on page.

*20* vs *vīgintī*

Next up we've got

- *The Ones without the Spark of Life*

Graia as a warp entity can see souls and since every living thing (humanoids and animals, no idea about orcs though, since those are mushrooms, but mushrooms are also not plants) tends to have a soul.

Necrons (with few exceptions) don't have souls, ergo to Graia they appear as though they have no life or are dead.

Also, as it has been sourced (literally) from a time prior to the birth of Slanesh, it is far more akin to just another force of nature (as oposed to modern deamons who are *angry* forces of nature). Thus it sees souls a something akin to sparks and the warp in general akin to an electric current (what with the whole *Sea* of Souls thing, since both electric currents and liquids tend to be described as *flowing*)

Finally we've got the Master of Mankind

- *Light Maker*

The Astronomicon has many times been described as a light. Then there's how astropaths during their binding to the emperor loose their eye sight.

The emperor is the souce of the Astronomicon and thus Graia equates that to him *making* the light.

So, before we can get to Graia's *name*(s),

[note the plural, bc there are infact *several* names Graia has been and will be given over the course of our discussion]

We first need to take something of a detour discussing the inspirations for it's character appearance before we can properly discuss the matter of it's name(s).

For it's appearance, I was originally inspired by a post containing a gifset of some kind of c-drama, with the focus on the nail guards the women depicted in them were wearing.

This gave me the idea that the population of the people who would eventually settle Graia, might've been descended from the region on terra of what was at some point China

(china itself doesn't seem to have a 40k equivalent from what i could find, though during the unification wars that general region seemed to be controlled mostly by other factions.)

Secondly there was a post depicting the eldar as propper *aliens*, (as oposed to canon were the eldar mostly fall into the elfs, but with some of that fun uncanny Valley range), captioned 'make the eldar weirder'

With this I realised that bc Graia is a fundamentally *alien* entity, and some might argue a *thought construct*, i can make it look *weird*.

So, the initial idea was that bc it had been nurted by and made from the collective population of Graia there would've been some degree of that culture

(i *do* recognise that a whole planet wouldn't *just* be a single culture and ethnicity, especially after several thousand years and spread across an entire planet)

influencing it's general appearance.

Then after it spends some time on the roman inspired chapter wold of the UM, the culture and perception of it's people would then also begin to slowly influence it's appearance.

(Also bc anchient rome and anchient china actally knew of off and did trade with each other, so that was just kind of fitting)

In general I imagined that Graia would have a more public facing appearance, that would disguise some of it's more obviously deamonic and alien features, so to better interact with and be less frightening to look at by mortals and non-deamons.

Specifically i imagined that

- the nail guards on it's hands would disguise, that those *are* in fact just it's actual *very* sharp and pointy claws, it could rip you to shreds with.

- what appears to be just some very pointy and long ear decorations (think fake elf ears), to hide it's actally alien looking ears

- a line of colourful dots underneath both eyes, which are actually *eyes* that open once it drops the public face and takes a more traditionally deamonic form.

(There was this post about the difference in eye position betwixt prey and predator animals, and if graia has *both*, it very much hints about how at it's sheer alien nature, and has characteristics of both predator and prey bc the warp is very much running on perception)

- on the subject of eyes. It's eyes are dark enough to look black, but depending on how the light hits them, they can turn any shade of the visible and invisible (bc astartes apparently can see ultraviolet light?) light spectrum

- a constant regardless of the form it takes, are the green necron glyphs that originate from how the necrons turned it into a battery. Those same markings might become a lot more intricate and elaborate once it drops the public face however.

Though even in it's public facing form, it's skin is the colour of freshly turned soil, but in it's more deamonic form, texture wise it starts to look a lot more like mother soil and red clay.

- it's 'hair' is a thick curtain of willow branches, with tiny berries growing from them (bit like the berries of the olive plant bc ancient roman inspired chapter world).

As it spends time on macragge, they eventually get turned into one of those sown hairstyles, but since it's hair is made from actual branches it also looks kind of like a woven basket. (50/50 on if there would be an actual fruit basket or no)

(I remered the title of some danmei fic, iirc the title was 'the mouring of the willow tree' or some such and when i turned to the internet, willow branches seem to hold quite a bit of significance in Chinese culture.

Amongst them is that, since many people lived on coasts and rivers that had willows, the willow tree became pretty important and eventually would lead to the praxis of a willow branch being given as a parting gift for safe travels.

Also, both the Romans and Chinese valued the willow for its medical purposes, with the willow apparently being native to China.)

- clothes wise it would rock something similar to calgar in that one comic, akin to a toga but without a tunic beneath, and a belt, who's end trails down behind it and behaves a lot like a tail (fun bit of shape language).

The tunic-less look is bc I imagine it wouldn't have nipples (bc deamon so why would it) until it has a conversation with smb about that

(my low level blank, grox herder oc in this case, who basically goes 'huh, haven't seen smb without nipples before, then again I've seen weirder' graia notices and aproches him to ask about that, both conclude that it is unusual and then it makes itself some nipples, much to the bafflement of it's companions)

[Also, i might as well include it here, but i was thinking of how some people include specific information from their jobs in their fics.

So i was thinking of ways to do that and then i had that vivid image of Graia whilst accompanying squad damocles on some mission or another, kneeling down next to a body of water or even a canal, touching the water and going 'i know where it is', basically beeing able to track that thing all the way from across half the planet.

Bc there's a *ton* of things living in water, such as bacteria, small animals and other things.

Also water doesn't just have the general, water gives life connotation.

Like, there's the fact most things need water to surrive, as well as the spiritual connotation of water as life giving (think the sping of youth and the holy grail). Such as the drinking of wine as a substitute for the blood of christ in Christian mythology, or the literal worship of bodys of water as the actual body of a deity. Or how Chinese dragons have water breath. I also stumbled on the roman god janus who has a lot of conotations to water and a theme of past, present and future]

Then I was thinking I might be focusing to much on the god/animal aspect and got to thinking on that bit about willows and people living next to rivers. I was thinking of how a child might make a crude clay puppet and give it willow branches for hair.

Then I remembered that many cultures have myths about golems or/and hymoculi and i remembered how in Greek mythology humans were originally created from clay. Also many cultures have traditions in some form or another about 'from the earth you came, to the earth you shall return'. What with the dead things fertilise the soil, which in turn nurishes them.

That's how we ended up with Graia during it's introducion taking the shape of a humanoid, featureless clay puppet with willow branches for hair (i was going to add that at some point, during the course of the conversation, it would make itself a pair of eyes that basically look like dark river stones [bit like the coal eyes of a snow man], so people don't feel as unnerved by it, but that part went on for so long i forgot about addding it)

Now that we got Graia's appearance out of the way, we can actually discuss it's *names*.

- We've got the name it introduced itself with

'Shaduf'ankh pr niwt'kemet'

Which translates to 'Source of the Planet' in high gothic (bc the necrons knew, what we now know as Graia, by a very different name)

Let's break that down into it's different components (in ancient egyptian bc necrons)

Source - water well [Shaduf] + life [ankh]

(A souce is in our case a regenerating resouce that gives life.

I imagined water, a natural spring, but looking up the word for sping gave me the season spring, so i went with a water well instead, for that life giving angle.

I then wanted to include vitality, but life is more of a concreate concept that is easier to translate. 'ankh' is also called 'the key of life' and that is rather fitting for a source of water, no?)

of - belonging to (property) -> House [pr]

(Nuf said, of can in many languages be translated as belonging to, or originating from a certain place. As 'belonging to' can also mean 'property of'. Though in our case it's more so the former then the latter)

Graia (planet) - population center (city) [niwt] + soil [Kemet]

(Graia for our purposes gets simplified as planet, bc graia only ever heard it's name in the context of 'x thing happens bc of the souce of the planet' so graia thinks that that is it's name, though it would probably also know whatever name the necrons referred to the planet with.

[Then again whatever dynasty made graia into a souce only used the planet graia as a mining outpost]

People live on a planet, generally in groups, and soil is another term for earth, bc farming has been an important part for much of human history. In our case im specifically referring to the black, nutient rich soil that gets left by the river nile after the flooding season)

Put it together and you get that *very* fun name. (If we end up involving the necrons into our discussions, then i might do more of this)

Then there's the name Titus will begin to call it at some point (after graia stops being quite so much of a constant reminder of Titus trauma, and began to be seen as an actual *companion*)

- Graia

Now Graia at the beginning is going to be refered to mostly as some variation of 'Source of Planet Graia' or even just energy source in official reports and such. Bc as far as the warp is concerned, giving things names, gives them power in turn.

Now, after Graia receives it's official status as an imperial deamon and is deemed a relative non-threat (though graia is very much still the equivalent of a force of nature, just one that doesn’t *actively* try to kill you)

people might begin to bond with it. That's still going to take time though before smb. actally gives it a propper *name*. In our case that is going to be Titus and will signify quite how close they have become.

Then there is it's *true name*.

Now, from my understanding a true name is generally the name you are called with plus number of different titles attached.

For Graia who spent much of it's early existence as a source, it would at that point maby have only one or two titles, however after if begins following titus that number would slowly expand over the years until it's true name becomes the lengths of that of one of the adepts custodes.

For the sake of argument, say we are dealing with the Graia who accompanys Titus after the test trial phase. At that point it's s true name could look something like:

- (insert necron name for graia), the source of (insert necron name for graia), (insert number x of however many more deamons got turned into an energy source beyond Graia)

- Little Old One

Fun affectionate name the astartes of the 2nd company will eventually begin to call Graia once they actually have begun to build a rapport and bonded with it.

It's a play on how graia is simulation several billion years old, but in terms of lived experience it is at most only going to have a fraction of that. For example as of gaining It's official stamp of approval, it has a total sum of five, but at most only a decade of lived experience.

At that point it's also very much still trying to figure out how to person (that is to say learning how to person from the perspective of a non-mortal, non-human entity). Which is what the 'little' part of the name referrs to.

Also whilst it generally could take a form to make itself *larger*, a smaller size (small in this case would still be pretty tall baseline though) certainly has it's advantages

(such as talking to baselines and getting into places you shouldn't, [even though it probably *could* turn intangible, but then, were would be the fun in that])

Finally a note on true names in general.

I imagine that deamons can probably see each others true names, but generally you'd think twice about invoking or misappropriating the true name of a deamon more powerful then yourself.

Now, since Graia itself wasn't actally 'raised' in deamonic society and thus it wouldn't know any etiquette or generally agreed upon conduct, beyond the instincual knowledge all deamons posess.

This leads Graia to view everyone (mortal) but especially astartes (bc their geneseed originates from creatues made partially out of warpstuff, and to a degree that get's passed onto their genesons) as a very much lesser

(in terms of connection to the warp and not that humans in it's eyes are of more or less value then deamons)

deamons.

It instinctively knows a true name is *important* (the why and how of titus knowing it's true name are discussed in our posts to a degree) and it has observed how humans rarely if ever use their true names (all titles + full name), except for rare, very important occasions, so it acts accordingly and calls people either by all of their titles or their full name

Depending on what it referrs to you with (names or titels), you can generally tell where you stand in it's regard.

However, I'm undecided on if it would be funnier if, bc 40k places such a heavy emphasis on titles, it fucks with people it doesn't like by calling them by their full name only (insted of their titles like they are used to [inquisitiors and the like]).

Or if it calls only the people it *likes* by their full names (i like and respect you as a person so I'm calling you by your full name to show how close we are [Leandros, calgar, the 2nd company])

Now, Titus himself, it refers to as 'Companion' (vey much after titus named it Graia). It does this both to protect titus by giving him a title (bit of that fey, 'if i have your name nobody can steal it'), and also because the bond between them is very much that of Companions.

(Companion is also affectionate enough, whist at the same time being just ambiguous enough to reflect the nature of their deep bond itself [deamon and astartes, like, you'll be hard pressed to apply any of our M3 labels to what they have going, though baseline is that they both care *deeply* for the other])

[kiwisandpearls]

I feel so weird about amatonormativity in fandoms.

because like on one hand I most definitely agree with people who criticize those who will instantly assume that two characters must be in a romantic relationships based on the actions they do for each other.

on the other hand tho, ive seen so many people use that criticism to do nothing more than just discount people who ship queer ships, along with the phrase of ‘oh so girls/guys can’t be friends anymore?’ especially for queer ships that while not technically canon have a lot of material for shippers and would have no one bat an eye if one of the characters were the opposite gender and in some cases would probably make the ship more popular (example: farcille).

[barebon35]

So I'm sure we've all seen those "gay people can never just say I love you they gotta pull this shit [insert any queerbaited scene]" and I realized that the reason gay people in media never say they're gay, beyond y'know not being allowed, is because they're showing without telling. All the scenes are of people silently professing their love and dedication to another through action or forgiveness or sentiment and it's. It's just. They do say it. We do say it. They don't have to say they love each other because it's already been said a hundred times over. "I forgive you" "I chose you" "I remembered" "I came" are all so much more profound to me than hearing someone verbally say they love you. Maybe I'm asexual. Maybe it's digiorno. Maybe it's because with all of these scenarios love is just a given. So it doesn't need to be said, because it's already known.

[velvet-games]

having big feelings about being aroace rn 🥺

[pigeonentity]

please stop phrasing enthusiasm for your ship/annoyance at your ship not being canon as an attack at people who don't ship it

its rude but also we keep dipping into arophobia here

[princesslesbo]

no. they are not "like siblings". they are literally just good friends. not every platonic relationship needs to be tied or related to familial bonds.

[starswallowingsea]

Don’t just say someone doesn’t have reading comprehension or isn’t “media literate” just because you don’t agree with them lol. Enjoy your shitty gacha game that’ll never have characters get in fulfilling relationships because their target audience is fujos

I was going to take this in good faith until I saw you were sending everyone who reblogged Cryn's response to you asks that clearly show you aren't interested in an actual discussion. Go play D4DJ if you need characters kissing in a CG to prove that they're gay or something if that's what you deem a fulfilling relationship.

[antlerkitty]

Sexuality/attraction ramble (started off basic but ended up spewing thoughts):

Honestly feel very insecure about being lesbian sometimes. As masc-presenting person who uses primarily he/him pronouns in real life, and has no she/her or they/them (besides exception of a He/They pronoun pin I have on my backpack because it makes me feel like have control over it when people call me they)... just don't feel lesbian enough. At same time, feel like may be gaybian (gay and lesbian) but just not willing to be in situation where I am not seen as a boy or as a he/him butch creature.

I think medical transition will help with figuring these things out. Am not sure. At same time, with how autism works, have complicated feelings about things like family. Because have complicated definition of family due to not understanding the boundaries between relationships.

Honestly just very confusing. Think ideal situation in most ideal world ever would be to have small commune of people in the forest (all very similar ages besides maybe caregivers) and we're all in a queerplatonic relationship with each other and all like family. But maybe that is weird. Because for me, it's like queerplatonic + familial is base love state. Hard for me to get out of it. If I care about you, I either see you as family, or I see you in queerplatonic way (platonic with added glitter depending on who you are to me). Main exception to this is partner, but even then tend to default to romantic-leaning queerplatonic.

[the-lesbian-orpheus]

I love and cherish by edits and stuff of my dramatic high fantasy guys, my minecraft guys, my silly little monsters, my dramatic sci-fi guys, my animated guys

But can we please also normalize making edits and stuff of like regular ass sitcom guys

Like where are the badass edits of Rosa Diaz, the crush edits of Tahani al Jamil, the ship edits of David and Patrick, the comfort edits of Chidi Anagonye, the fun yet sweet edits of the Derry Girls in their chaos?

I say this as a person who lives in fantasy and whimsy content

I feel like we deserve both

(Ps I rambled a lot about this in the tags so maybe check them out :3 👀👀👀)

[alexcole1326]

when you get a platonic gf❤️❤️❤️ (qpr)

[dallonwrites]

okay actually looked at the lover boy wip intro again and this has me crazy because the grief in this was meant to all be about bobby but "remember that his favourite fruit was peaches and try not to cry over it" got me because felix's favourite fruit being peaches is like. a recent but definitive part of his character. and i can't remember if i just used peaches as a placeholder for bobby's favourite fruit (he does not give peach to me) and if i first wrote this before or after i decided peaches were felix's BUT now i'm like. what if this passage is him grieving bobby but it spirals around his grief for his relationship with felix??? find a lover the way you found felix and don't lose him this time but also find a lover because you're trying to find a connection as deep as the one you had with your best friend even though you know it can never be replicated. you can never find a lover that will love you like bobby (platonic, to be clear) loved you. find a lover in the fact you are alive even though it makes you nauseous because it just reminds you that your best friend isn't. how do you grieve someone who's still alive whilst simultaneously grieve someone who isnt? trying to grieve two people in two different ways and you feel guilty at the way they blend and blur because it feels like you lose your separate grips on both of them and you don't feel like you have space in you to accommodate all this ache. and like what if i edited all this to make that parallel more clear?? that his primary grief is bobby because he's the one who's dead but he's also grieving felix and probably doesn't even realise it?? and then the two become blurred?? and if he realised this he would actually feel fucking awful about it and like a bad friend?? haha just kidding unless??