#they all make me feel like i belong
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Happy Autism Awareness + Acceptance Month! Shout out to these characters, gotta be some of my fav acoustics in media
they're just like me for real for real
#autism#autism awareness#murder drones#the owl house#sonic the hedgehog#ducktales#dungeon meshi#mob psycho 100#lego monkie kid#my little pony#steven universe#gravity falls#hange zoe#zane ninjago#pidge gunderson#rottmnt donnie#dipper pines#razor genshin impact#genshin impact fischl#autism awareness month#they all make me feel like i belong#which is cringe but its true
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Thinking about the fact that Mabel and Dipper didn't know they had two great uncles.
Yeah they are 12 and at 12 I had a shotty understanding of my family tree- But really? Nobody brought up their great uncle? Stanley? Especially since they'll be staying with his twin brother, Stanford?
Shermie never went to Stan's fake funeral, which to me means the twos relationship was strained on some level. If Shermie is older that means his view of Stan was poisoned in some way, that even as kids they weren't close. If the Shermie is younger then he never even got to meet Stan and all he knew about him was how he failed his family. Hell, people probably barely mentioned Stanley TO Shermie.
The fact that Stan had become a black stain upon the Pines family name makes me so vividly upset. Stanley faked his death and the family just- seemingly decided to strike him from the record. To pretend he didn't existed to spare themselves the sadness and shame.
Stanford and Shermie Pines. The only children worth mentioning of Filbrick and Caryn Pines.
It was never Stanford that was lost to the world. It was Stanley, ever since he had to leave New Jersy- it was always him that had to be struck from the record. Change his name, change his state, change his affiliations, destroy the remains of ghost that was Stanley Pines. Kill him so the family doesn't bring him up, doesn't ask questions, stops asking "Stanford" about his twin.
I just keep thinking about the fact that since the day he made one single mistake all the way up until Ford walks out of that machine- Stanley Pines was killed and did not exist. And Stan himself had no one to blame, he had to play the part in his own demise- He is the only one who ever knew Stanley was alive and has been for decades.
He lives in the multitudes of every personality he's ever taken, all in the hope that he himself can stop being Stanley Pines.
#gravity falls#grunkle stan#stanley pines#STANLEYYYYYY#STANLEY THEY COULD NEVER MAKE ME HATE YOU STANLEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#sharky rants#Just. Imagine the fucking shame you have to live with#the shame that you can never be yourself. That anything you were is unwanted and forgotten#The shame of just BEING- Of taking space of- of /breathing-/#Imagine the world; your friend; your family; your colleagues being so ashamed of having known you#that you feel more comfortable with a persona to present.#You feel more comfortable stealing the identity of someone you care for deeply if only to help#If only to feel capable for once. To feel like you belong- Like youre doing something good for once#Imagine the shame that brings you to be comfortable not being yourself for 40 years.#ALL CASE YOU BROKE ONE FUCKING PROJECT??????? COME ON#I mean- the deeprooted shame was started from earlier. He was 'the stupid twin“; 'the troublemaker”; “the cheat and thief”#This was a long time coming#But those werent MISTAKES- The one time he genuinely made a Mistake he lost everything#Like he really mattered so little to the people around him#and he cant really blame them.#My cousin is a genius. Hes smart and academically achieved since I was a baby.#The only thing I had that he didnt was my ability to draw. to be creative. The guy for the longest time had a better social life then me too#I used to get brought to tears seeing his accomplishments- seeing people praise him. The shame lived in me any time I had to see him#The shame that I was the black sheep of the family next to the golden standard for a son- for a student- for a friend.#when I was none of those things#And Im lucky he was my cousin- cause if he was my brother that would have haunted me EVERY DAY rather then once or twice a year#Im better with it now; Im more content with who I am- But trauma dump aside-#I very very very much understand Stans shame in being the stupid one. The unachieved one in a family full of achieved people#the shame thats angry at him for being better. at the family for treating him special. and most of all at yourself that you cant be better#its a visceral feeling that I sadly understand
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shaped like love, like sunshine, like happiness - a boundle of joy | dedicated for @raplinenthusiasts tiny tan (3/7)
(cr. 0613data}
#bts#btsgif#dailybts#btsedit#hoseok#jung hoseok#bts hoseok#jhope#bts jhope#tinyoon#rékagif#usersky#julia darling - i promised you something as a belated present! and it just felt right dedicating this to you#you kept me sane with your waiting for hobi posts and it just feels right - this set belongs to you#i hope you find as much joy in this as i had while making it - he is just love and happiness and warm sunshine all around! like you:)
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(wips) who here likes serijose or joserei!!! *exactly three ppl in the crowd cheer*
#this is what a lack of new mp100 content is doing to me... im i feel like im digging into crumbs#YES i know joseph and reigen have never even spoken to each other but just think of the compatibility between them!!!#they both uhh smoke?? or at least reigen used to... anyway theyre both bad at their jobs and have similar smuggish personalities...#yea thats all i got sorry#i like to think they met when reigen was still working at the water cooler company... in fact maybe they where coworkers even... huh huh#actually that reijose belongs with a compilation im making where reigen flirts with like every man in mp100...#you could call it a hoe down throw down if you will#now what the hell do i tag these ships as#mp100#mob psycho 100#my art#mp100 joseph#serizawa katsuya#reigen arataka#serijose#???#joseseri#????????#reijose#joserei#fuck i dont know!!!!#wips#cw smoking
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A kindling of a swordless bloodshed,
The creaking of a voiceless door —
Another piece inspired by something @mincemeat-the-warforged said that absolutely altered my brain chemistry (the same 1 am conversation that sparked this in fact!)
#curse of strahd#rahadin#strahd von zarovich#sergei von zarovich#my art#curse of strahd spoilers#curse of åsane#every day i wake up and think about strahd and rahadins dynamic#they make me sick#Rahadin being loyal to the von zarovich family rather than *only* to strahd is a critical detail to me#like aze said#wtf do u do when someone kills the only remaining member of ur ‘adoptive’ family#ur stuck w him now. obviously. there’s nobody else to turn to and u still love him despite the atrocities#esp since you’ve done just as much against the people used to belong to. you cut yourself off and now he’s done the same#(through tears) do yall think Rahadin mourned Sergei or do u think he repressed and smothered all those feelings#ik we all laugh at the rahadin amber temple frog incident but despite its weirdness it still shows how much Rahadin *cares*#sorry sorry i have too many thoughts abt this old man#ugh. strangles him#anyway
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He's considering leaving their annoying asses behind smh
[original] [follow up]
#spnfanart#spn fanart#destiel#good omens#ofmd#good omens fanart#ofmd fanart#wiggleart#i stg i wasn't gonna do another follow up#but i couldn't stop thinking about how ANNOYING they'd all be together lmao#i know a lot of people like to think cas would belong with like Az and stuff but not to me#this grouping makes the most sense#even tho dean and cas' situation aren't really similar#since they were forced apart and would prefer not to be nor are they afraid of their feelings#anyway
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scribbles based on my Another Wonderful Life file where i discovered Rock and Nami showing up together at Vesta’s farmhouse late at night on multiple occasions to cause various types of chaos and disturbance and havoc until Marlin and Vesta’s bedtime (which they both announce in unison to kick everyone out) this included
Rock levitating and attempting to rizz up vesta
Nami making a beeline for Celia’s room where she stands around making very subtle remarks (celia isn’t even in her room)
Marlin Enduring
haunting crime scene photos of the shenanigans:
#bokumono#my art#harvest moon#rock tumbling (sos)#hm anwl#harvest moon a wonderful life#hm awl#story of seasons#harvest moon another wonderful life#rock (awl)#cora clownposting content#nami (awl)#marlin (awl)#awl pony#sos awl#story of seasons a wonderful life#hmanwl#for some reason i’m very amused when people visit each other in awl#levitating rock reminded me of mystery of the druids somehow. hence lowryposing#marlin is halligan coded. to me#rock and marlin were both on the murders squad when they lived in the city and fought for dominance over the pair of scissors#(the scissors don’t belong to either of them)#marlin’s myriad health issues come from his diet of pitza and cigarettes and straight medical alcohol#also the last picture is inspired by a very suspicious line vesta says in response to seeing the milker#which somehow sounds worse in japanese because of the phrasing#instead of ‘planning to milk me?’ she’s like ‘are you trying to squeeze mine?’#anyway. rock would take her ‘i’d like to see you try!’ literally and then get killed i think#i’m sorry (not sorry enough)#after analyzing everyone’s dialogue very scientifically i once again feel that the girls anwl lines have 1000% more bittersweet yearning#(no bias in analysis at all) i can’t explain it their lines obviously were targeted at me to make me long for them
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i will always shout praises of bi4bi but given recent discourse I feel the need to say that I love bi4het too! I just love bisexuality in general in its many forms, and anyone who only likes it when it's 'queer enough' for them is biphobic. Bisexuals should be able to bring their LaMe CiShEt BoYfRiEnD to pride without being made to feel like spectators and outsiders to their own event.
#3 am queer discourse take <3#anyways hot take number two. cishets do belong at pride. everyone who wants to celebrate queerness should be welcomed at pride#if a completely cishet business major fratboy wants to come to pride and vibe with us then he should be welcomed!#not even like. oh he has a queer sibling. no. if he's just a cishet dude who wants to spend his saturday at a parade then hell yeah#like completely ignoring that you have no way to tell he's definitively those things. it shouldn't matter regardless imo#pride is not a secretive club you need to be let into. it's a feeling and a celebration and a statement and a state of being#and whatever you want it to be#burying my other related hot take under the tags readmore ksdjksdjksdj#idk. i'm just tired of a lot of the things people seem to think about bisexuality's validity relating to bi women specifically#this is frustration with the gatekeepy and straight-passing discourse of it all#I'm tired of people being expected to act and to preform and to BE queer enough for others' opinions.#am I still welcome if I haven't been with a woman in a few years? if I dress boring? if I like m/f? if I don't listen to chappell roan?#joking on that last one but like. idk. never straight enough for the straights but never gay enough for the gays#constantly some mercurial in-between that offers no comfortable easy group to put us in.#what do i have to do to not be judged as a filthy hettie? are my doc martens enough for you yet?#like oh sorry let me cuff my jeans and have a bob and wear a button up over a cami and wear etsy earrings. am I visually bi enough yet?#let me apologize for the cardinal sin of liking men too. let me wash my hands of any time a cishet man has held them.#if it was a bisexual man then just hand sanitizer is fine right? where do you draw the line on my queerness?#let me preform for you in a way that makes me queer enough.#anyways. sarcasm aside. I think I've made my distaste for this whole affair evident#if you don't want cishets at pride then what happens to those you incorrectly deem as cishet? do I need to prove myself to you?#am I passing as straight? am I passing as gay? am I enough for onlookers?#is it not enough to just show up at pride and celebrate? anyone and everyone who wants to?
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NO I AM NOT OKAY. IF THIS PERSON WHO DID IT IS SOMEONE WHO FOLLOWS ME TAKE IT FREAKING DOWN. I NEVER GAVE PERMISSION FOR SOMETHING LIKE THIS AND NEVER WILL.
If someone knows about this fic. Please please please I beg you please send a link to me so that I could report it. If I remember correctly it is only the author who could report something being stolen on wattpad. (The story they took from is one of my original works that is Just One Drop) And please if you do know or if you find out don't go attacking this person.
#i dont know how to react to this... lost sleep a couple of time cause i was always scared that one day i will find out that someone#stole my works and say that it was there own or something like that.#but now that it finally happened i feel like a deflated balloon more than anything#more of the mentally of like “I guess it finally happened to me.” i cant say i am too surprised about this situation#but i am definitely not happy about this at all.#if you are someone who stole one of my works why do you even do this?#likes or whatever??? there is literally nothing nice about the whole thing. do you feel happy?#do you feel happy that you get likes over something that you didnt make? will anything do to make you happy then at this point??#i am not trying to be understanding here i am trying to get it in your skull that in the end#you get nothing from this#doing something like this will only get you likes if not that numbers then what else? You built everything on stuff that didnt belong to yo#fame? what fame could you even get from something like this. sooner or later you might just abandon it and then what??#there is nothing to feel good about it.#this is the reason why people hesitate to even post stuff online at this point cause why even bother#when everything that we make will be stolen at one point and posted again under someone else when we clearly said that we do not want that
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Autumn, 1900
For the rest of the day, Winifred worked quietly; still rather disoriented from her train being delayed that morning. Those sorts of things always seemed to put her in a strange mood, and Francis' genuine reassurance over her insecurities had only made it worse. She had never intended to lie to her coworkers about who she was; it was an honest mistake — when she filled out her application; she signed her maiden name, Monet, instead of Baudelaire and didn't notice until she was proof reading before handing it in; and she had truly had intended to change it. However, for a fleeting moment she thought, 'why can't I be someone else for a while? It would only be like playing a part,' and soon, she was posing herself as a 30-something year old spinster trying to make her own way in the world. There at the Windenburg Daily, she was not just Mrs. Baudelaire, a rich man's life, or a mother struggling to exist outside of that title. Of course, she considered the idea of explaining the mishap and coming clean. Except that, when she thought of how angry JJ, Terence, and especially Francis would be, she could never bring herself to try. As the years passed by, her double life had brought her the sense of self she'd been longing for. But she was no fool. She knew it was not a matter of if her folly would catch up to her, but when; and all she could do was hope that at the very least, she might publish a few stories beforehand and it would somehow be worth it.
next / previous / first
transcript below the cut
*click* *click* Winifred: oh, bullocks! *panting* I'm sorry I'm late, guys. My train was delayed Terence: Relax, Winnie; he isn't here yet Winifred: But, I hate- Francis: He's right, Win; you need to learn to relax a bit <the day goes on> *typewriter clicking* Francis: The days just get longer & longer. Winifred: Shhhh!!! Terenece: Here comes- JJ: *groggily* Good morning everyone. *in unison* Morning, JJ! Winifred: *mouthing* I forgot the coffee. JJ: Winnie, dear, my coffee? Winifred: Um, yes, I- Francis: She wanted you to try the coffee next door! Terence: She was just waiting for you to arrive. JJ: Ah, what a splendid idea! Winifred: Well, you know, I just thought with it being so chilly and all. JJ: Good thinking; Francis, go along with her. Francis: Yes, sir. Winifred: We won't be gone long. Francis: It smells so good in here. Two coffees, please. *liquid pouring* Winifred: I don't think I make a very good secretary. Thank you for covering for me back there. I don't know what I'd do without you and Terence. Barista: Two coffees, to-go! Francis: You know we like having you here, right? JJ, too. He likes you a lot. He's just... Winifred: Uptight? Francis: Well, I was going to say particular, but I suppose that is part of it, yes. And you're not a lousy secretary, okay? Terence and I understand it's a hard life for a spinster, but we don't see you that way. Always remember that. Winifred: Yeah...I-I will...
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shoutout to everyone who has sent me lovely asks regarding their identity and how i’ve managed to help them figure things out. i’m just existing here but it’s nice to know existing can help someone else figure their own things out too. man. love you gamers :)
#i’m all emotional haha#started to tear up writing this because man#you guys#it’s crazy how much you gamers mean to me#and knowing me just existing and being my annoying self has helped you all#somehow#it just makes my heart so full#sometimes you may feel like you don’t belong anywhere#but knowing despite that feeling people are being helped while i just sit here existing#that’s cool#thank you
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and they were singin', bye-bye Miss American Pie // american oldie i think kuwabara unironically listens to
(low effort lyric edit im queueing here in May cos im probably gonna forget it exists otherwise)
#qeued post#for June cos hey pride#the idea of kuwa seeing his friends in a holy almost godly light namely yusuke#and having them all leave unexpectedly#cos before that night at Genkai's i feel like it was solidified in kuwa's brain DESPITE the sidekick complex#DESPITE the fact that he's human and the least powerful member they are still decidedly a team#A team he has a place on. But then all suddenly springing this... YUSUKE springing this departure on him. shatters that belief#yusuke says he'll be back and it seems to make things better but even so kuwabara's face still looks so solemn when he leaves#Likely cos he knows yusuke is just saying shit and doesn't even know if it's possible to come back#this wasn't supposed to be a kuwameshi post it's really not but there's always that undertone when i talk about them so#He just admires them all so much yusuke above all others only to be left behind and that's gotta fuckin hurt#The way we don't see the resolution to this feeling. The lack of belonging the abandonment#next time we see him he's just supposed to be over it but we don't really know if it actually happened#So I like to play with the idea of like . Did he really like healthily accept things or#did he just repress it and deal. Cos like eng dub he tells yusuke ''forget all that stuff I said'' immediately taking back#his harsh words bc it's either stay mad stay upset or quickly forgive and move on cos this could be the last time. or even the jdub#where he doesn't even allow the vulnerability to show enough to trail off he just spouts the normal shit bc it's what they DO he immediatel#tries to get back to the normal dynamic and push himself to being fine with it right now bc he doesn't have the luxury of being upset#when it doesn't matter cos yusuke's leaving. the last thing he hears from him shouldnt be reckless shit he was saying when he lashed out#aka i dont think kuwa's feelings get seriously addressed enough and this episode haunts me cos of that very fact#Im not making any sense. Nico as my witness I swear I was more eloquent yapping to him about it#kuwabara kazuma#yu yu hakusho#kuwameshi
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just finished playing portal revolution. I like evil science lady and her rabid vacuum cleaner
#my art#portal revolution#very well put together portal mod#puts in on the shelf with stories mel of good portal mods i have played that connect gaps in the story or add to it in some way#i think i shall put this in the portal tag as well. apologies if it does not belong there#portal#portal 2#this mod was well written and well voice acted. only thing i didnt like so much was the ending. them being sent to the moon was funnny tho#i mean the after credits scene made me feel better but at first i was just like. huh? so they just all die in the end?#it was a bit fast paced like riiiight at the end. the very very end#also while im talking ive noticed a lot of portal mods struggle with 'boss fights' and making them puzzles but still fast paced.#which is fair because its hard to make fast paced puzzles while still being challenging while still being easy etc etc#the puzzles in the last chamber were a bit confusing to figure out at first and i got stuck a lot#which led me to just standing there trying to figure out where to go at times which slowed down the pacing#the rest of the puzzles were great tho. maybe a bit easy but still great#also i spent like 5 hours in the game! so far! thats a good 5 hours of extra portal content! woohoo!#art of duck
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it was always a strange dichotomy. every middle school classmate i had told me i'd be a millionaire when i grew up, a Famouse Artisté. it's easy enough to imagine as a teen, i suppose: skill equals fame equals money. i was doubtful about this prophecy, not because i wasn't confident in my ability to draw, but because it was hard to imagine a world where i'd be paid for it.
it was an ice breaker game at summer camp. horrible one, really - everyone in a group were given a character profile. now we had to imagine that it was the zombie apocalypse, and the helicopter to safety was two seats short and we had argue why we deserved a spot. the character i got was an asshole doctor of some kind. i don't remember if i argued my way into the helicopter or not, but i do remember the feeling that's been hanging over me my entire life - if the apocalypse happens right now, i have nothing to contribute.
there's something really painful about it. i have cultivated a skill for my whole life, i can make art and tell stories that are entirely unique to me, there is no way to get someone else to create in the exact same way i can, and yet - i've contributed more to capitalist society by sitting in an empty hotel reception for eight hours a day.
which made me develop anxiety, to boot.
i illustrated two children's books. they're some of my best work. the contract i signed was industry standard and the indie author who had hired me was incredibly kind... but even after stock sold out i had earnt little more than some pocket change.
in high school we had an outing to dig our own snow caves that we would spend the night in. in teams, thankfully. i have so little physical strength to speak of, most i could do to help was clear away the snow rubble and toss it outside. i know, i know, my classmates reassured me it was an important job to do, i was an invaluable member of the group, sure - but it's that feeling, you know?
what would my task be in the communist solarpunk commune?
a person cannot be useless. it's a human being. they just exist, no ifs and buts about it. one can only be useless in the eyes of an ableist, capitalist society that sees no value in being alive beyond production and profit.
sometimes i receive messages from internet strangers to tell me something i said - often several years ago - was helpful to them. maybe it was a throwaway comment on a forum. maybe it was replying to a question they could've googled the answer to. maybe it was an encouraging reply to someone's artwork. turns out it mattered to someone. huh.
of course you can learn new skills. i have learnt plenty over the years! i have also learnt that there are limitations to what i can do. that some of the obstacles i face are not in fact obstacles everyone faces. it's not that i can't break tasks into smaller steps, it's more that half of those steps are going to be "rinse your hands because you Touched a Thing and now you're going to have to touch Another Thing." i wonder if that's adding to my cognitive load or something.
i was never raised to be a man, so by all accounts i do not understand why i'm so haunted by the spectre of toxic masculinity - what would i do if i was a medieval peasant and a war broke out? what if i was in a pre-historic hunter gatherer society and i was expected to hunt? what if i was a humble farm boy discovering the sword of the chosen one and the world depended on my non-existing courage to face certain death?
look, it's stupid. these are not scenarios i will find myself in. besides, pre-historic humans depended on community and taking care of each other. that's how we survive.
i'm not useless and i decided to make peace with being useless anyway.
we're surrounded by digital clocks. we can't really escape them. do we need watchmakers? would they save me a spot in the zombie apocalypse helicopter? no, don't answer that. i'm just happy i found something that requires a light touch and an observant eye.
#too long for twitter#I AM NOT ASKING FOR ADVICE I AM JUST MUSING AND WRITING A BLOG POST FOR THE JOY OF WRITING BLOG POSTS#not mentioned: the bachelors degree in art history i took to procrastinate with my life.#i would love to work as an illustrator still. if the opportunity to do so comfortably comes along i will take it#but im also happy to pursue my passion in my free time as something that belongs to me#number one question im asked whenever i tell someone i go to watchmaker school is 'BUT DO YOU STILL DRAW??'#it's like asking if i still breathe. yes! i still do the thing that makes me feel alive#it's just. we live in a world that's hostile to Live Comfortably and Pursue Creative Passions at the same time#and a society that can be so largely dismissive of art sometimes; all the while consuming it en masse#ah you probably get it. you dont need me to tell you
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i haven’t been here much recently, and i’m sorry i’ve only been negative on the off chance i’ve been online, but let me just say one last piece before the end of this month, so that maybe the next might be better….
#or maybe my time here ends w this month…i’m not sure i guess it all depends on how i feel but as of right now#everytime i think i'm fine i open tumblr and immediately am sad again the whole app has become my doomscroll at this point#i got a notification on a random talking post from a while ago and it felt like reading the words of a completely different person#lately i find it difficult to find any joy here at all when it always feels so lonely… a type of loneliness i’ve never experienced before#everyone always has ppl interacting w them who are interested in their stuff or are always sent things that are reminiscent of them....#i’m always praised for remembering stuff abt other ppl but i wonder if anyone remembers anything abt me#what is it about me that is so forgettable am i dull am i uninteresting did i not solidify myself enough do you guys just not like me lolz#but i don't want this to come across as guilt tripping or being ungrateful to what i do have because ik comparison is the death of joy but#it's still hard to watch when it's so in your face and it makes me think if ppl only talk to me because they feel obligated to#because anyone can say empty words.... i wish my perception of things didn't turn bitter i wish i hadn't become so jaded but#over and over i've felt irrelevant cast aside overshadowed and i cannot exist in a place where i feel like i'm a ghost in the corner#idk i've never felt like This before and i'm at least glad it's something i can walk away from by just....leaving...#sad that this used to be somewhere i can run away To but now it's become somewhere i want to run away From#i don't know...even if i get over whatever this is...things will never be the same for me... i just don't think i belong here#if only i had never made this blog then i would have saved myself a world of turmoil
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Is this a safe place to admit I don’t really like the way Castiel is often talked about in relation to destiel or will I be crucified for the second time
#listen okay#I get it I get it destiel website#but#I really hate the way Dean is often used as the ONLY bit of free will Cas has#and that Cas ’belongs’ to Dean#I like can’t stand it#especially when Sam is often used as the butt of the joke as being lesser to Dean#like Cas did rebel before Dean multiple times#he really WAS in love with humanity!!!#and making his character solely about Dean removes a lot of the things that make him interesting to me#this kinda goes hand in hand with the way Dean feels more…. centered in the later seasons??#ill probably make another post detailing this but#I don’t hate Dean or anything but there’s certain things I find very strange in later seasons is all#and by strange I mean I wanna put all the supernatural writers into a box and shake them around a lot#Castiel#spn
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