#they actually say the B word
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starry-bi-sky · 5 months ago
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Blood Blossom Au: Baby's First Commissioner Meeting :)
TL:DR This Post: Danny (orphan) gets poisoned with blood blossom extract by Vlad. He runs away from him and ends up under the care of one Pre-Robin Battinson Batman! Starry is loudly pushing her batdad agenda.
(Also known as "Late At Night, When The Nightingale Sings" on my ao3!)
This was a fun rough idea I've been sitting on for weeks, thinking about how Commissioner Gordon and Nightingale's first meeting might go.
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Commissioner Gordon likes to think that he's adjusting to the new normal of Gotham very well, -- the new normal being grown men running around dressed like bats, in military-grade strength body armor, committing acts of vigilantism, -- and slowly, little by little, he was no longer being surprised when this new normal pops up out of the shadows like the world's most terrifying daisy. His shaving lifespan thanks him for it.
....
The kid is a surprise though.
Granted, he seemed to be a surprise to the Bat too.
There's been a string of murders lately, -- which, in Gotham, is kind of like saying there's been another storm during monsoon season. And there's just been another; in some dilapidated building down in south Gotham, with the broken, boarded-up windows and mildew-crawling walls to match. The victim is a man in his thirties, multiple gunshot wounds to the chest, left in the center of the room for the blood to pool out around him.
The place is already secured when he arrives, the building swarmed with officers and the forensic detectives. The Bat emerges shortly after he does -- or, he might've been here the whole time, hiding someplace dark and shadowy. For his own sanity, Gordon doesn't think about it too hard.
The kid is a surprise, and he appears like a bolt of lightning.
He shows up in the middle of a conversation Gordon is having with the Bat.
A whistle, sharp and loud, slicing through the air, meant for open air rather than a confined space. Gordon's ears pierce and protest the sound, and the solemn, murmured chatter floating through the room abruptly cuts off like the swing of a gavel. As he turns towards the sound -- as they all do -- he swears, up and down, that he sees Batman's shoulders jump, just slightly.
At the source, perched on the window, is a boy. A boy in a gray-blue scarf and an oversized black hoodie, one that hangs off his frame and has ace bandages wrapped around the wrists in some attempt to cinch the sleeves. The hood is up, big like the rest of it, and threatens to swallow the upper half of the boy's face whole in the fabric. What upper half Gordon can see, is smeared with some kind of opaque, black face paint. He's holding onto the side of the frame with one hand, on his hip is a grappling hook. A familiar grappling hook.
Gordon has multiple questions, and his officers tense up.
Martinez puffs up, brows furrowing as his face shapes into a frown. Shoulders rolling back. "You can't be here, kid--"
The reaction is immediate, like a spark to gunpowder, the boy yanks his fingers from his mouth and his mouth twists into a scowl. Head snapping over to Officer Martinez, his hood manages to stay on but Gordon swears that as he bares his teeth, the glint makes them look sharper than they should be. His voice is rasp and quiet and harsh; snappish in its hissing; "Put a fuckin sock in it, Martinez. I'm not stayin."
Martinez reels back, and the boy immediately veers his attention off him. Like a switch, his demeanor drops. Despite half his face being covered, his mouth twists into a cringing, apologetic smile. Slanted and off-beat, embarrassed. It'd be disarming if this wasn't Gotham, and if he didn't just hiss at Martinez like he was about to bite his head off.
"Sorry." He whispers, voice deceptively polite and softer now. Gordon has to strain his ears to hear him. "I was looking for him."
He points his finger towards-- Gordon? No, Gordon follows the direction, and finds himself looking at -- the Bat.
The Bat, who always looks stiff as a pole, now looks even stiffer. Somehow. Well, the explains the grappling hook attached to the boy's waist.
"What are you doing here?" The Bat says, gruff and unable to completely smother the stumble of surprise in his tone.
The boy still holds a sheepish smile, and slips off the window ledge. His feet hit the creaky boards with a near-silent thud, the Batman finds his feet and rapidly begins crossing the room.
Gordon notes the slight tremble in the boy's legs as he straightens. He adjusts his scarf, which droops close to his knees now that he's standing, and slings a backpack -- how long has had that? -- off his shoulders. When the Bat reaches his side, he does as he always does, and looms over the boy like a spectre. A threatening mass of shadows cloaked in all-consuming black. Standing next to him, the boy looks teeny in comparison.
The Bat is a man who terrifies even the most hardened criminals, Gordon has seen grown men shiver in fear at the mention of his name. And yet when the boy looks up at him, he doesn't even flinch.
Instead, his sheepish smile melts away like ice under the sun, holding only traces of his previous embarrassment. It remains as a shadow on his face, a small upturn at the corners of his mouth. The boy pushes his hood back just enough to reveal glinting, ice-flint eyes surrounded in tar-black face paint. He holds the backpack up with one arm. "You forgot this."
#I have never seen Batman (2022) so really I'm just using battinson and crew as templates for my fic. but hey what else is new lol#dpxdc#danny fenton is not the ghost king#dp x dc#dpxdc crossover#dp x dc crossover#dpxdc fic#dpxdc au#dp x dc au#dpxdc fanfic#i dont know shit about detective work or true crime so forgive me for any bad terminology or incorrect procedure for how these things work#just a fun rough idea for how i imagined gordon's first meeting with nightingale goes LMAO. im sticking to the idea that danny doesn't#officially join the field for a *while* due to more than just health reasons. so his first appearances are brief and usually to give B smth#danny: im only here as express delivery for vader's little brother over there. yall stay safe tho.#bruce: *kill bill sirens bass-boosted* ohmygodwhatishedoinghere#batman: how did you get here... | danny: you have so many spare grappling hooks it was pr easy to just grab one and go#also danny is whispering on purpose because he doesn't have his ghost form to fall back on as a secret identity. so he *is* actually taking#extra steps to keep his identity safe. and people usually sound different when they're whispering. he also has personal beef with#office martinez despite the fact that they've never met. Danny's HEARD of his ass. he hATES his ass.#Martinez: *to batman* freak | danny: im going to Bite Him. | batman (reluctantly): hmr. please don't. | danny: im going for his shins#Martinez and Nightingale have this whole thing going on between the two of them. danny WILL slap a sticky note on Martinez's back that says#'asshole' on it and its the one spot square on his spine that martinez can't reach.#someone: why are you beefing with like. an actual 12 year old | martinez: HE'S A LITTLE RAT. THAT'S WHY. he's here to torment me#battinson: *did you grapple the whole way here* | danny: yah. it was kinda fun. i would've gotten here faster but i kept having to stop#battinson: *hnnn* im driving you back | danny:.. are you sure? | battinson already pulling him out of the room: y e s#i've been thinking about this for literally WEEKS. what did bruce forget? good question! i'll figure that out if or when i get to this#danny has Issues behind the word freak so its like a mini beserker button for him regardless of who the word is aimed at lol. lmao#martinez calls batman a freak once while nightingale is within range and its just the doom ost as danny simply Disappears from sight#like oops. you are now. In Danger. rip couldn't be me.#blood blossom au
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bumblingbabooshka · 2 years ago
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Star Trek comedy gag where Sarek is explaining to Spock why Vulcan parents cannot be as close to their children as humans are meanwhile Tuvok’s in the background buying his children two large fries (to share amongst them) on their way back from the park because they all got good grades this year - not perfect, but progress is always to be commended. 
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thebirdandhersong · 4 months ago
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???? something something deep discomfort with body image is it generational?????????
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muirmarie · 8 months ago
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Me: I joke about writing the same McCoy centric story over and over again in different ways
Me: and like. I love doing it and imma keep doing it because it makes me happy.
Me: but also. I do sometimes wonder if it's like. A little Much.
Me: like maybe I should branch out or something
Me: [reads another fundamental and extremely insulting misread of McCoy's character by someone who is clearly making a Choice to cast McCoy as the villain, because they have to get him out of the way of spirk, because they're too???? idk immature??? to realize that even when you're in a relationship with one person, other ppl can and SHOULD still be important to you]
Me: lmao I hope I AM too much actually!!!! I hope it is 100% obnoxious how much I love that doctor!!!!! Time to write more versions of the same story of McCoy being forced to realize that he is loved and cared for!!!!!!
Me: I KNOW MY NICHE AND IMMA DIE IN THAT NICHE, THANKS
#mine#not putting this in the mcc*y/tr*k tags bc i am venting not trying to start 💾🐎 [discourse]#but woof. WOOF. i want you to know that if you hate the doc then sp*ck and k*rk would hate YOU#like seeing someone say they're sp*ck or jim coded and then say flagrantly absurd things about mcc*y.......u are garbage coded actually.#sp*ck and k*rk would literally never#i will never understand how so many ppl can ship mcc*y’s besties and then???? hate on mcc*y?????????#i block LIBERALLY so i have a lot of b*nes haters blocked already tbf#i just stumble across one in the wild sometimes alas#that mindset btw is how that counseling fic came about lmao - we were talking about how if sp*rk dated they'd still drag mcc*y EVERYWHERE#romantic or platonic he is THEIRS just like they're HIS. it's a triumvir*te my guy#any two of them hook up they're still making the third stay at their side 24/7 lolllllll#how can you claim to love sp*ck and k*rk and so fundamentally misunderstand them and their relationship with b*nes#genuinely tragique#you are missing out on so much fun#we are not watching the same show lmao <3 leave my doctor alone <3 leave his bfs alone too <3#me: i should let things go / sp*ck: have you instead considered being a petty bitch / me: what / sp*ck: they can get fucked and die mad 🖖#me: ur so right sp*ck / sp*ck: i usually am#guess who literally just found out that if the word is contained w/in a longer tag it now shows up if you search that word!!!!!#that change very well may not be recent but i just found out!!!! anyway. asterisks added.#i give up. tumblr keeps putting this in the fucjing tags. hellsite (full of hatred)#eta: didn't think to make this non-rebloggable earlier but now it is lmao. it's just a vent post y'all <3
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perilegs · 6 months ago
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i know astrology is fake but i'm not too keen on how a lot of people on this website seem to be clowning on it as a hobby a bit too hard. i swear the woman who thinks it's neat how she and her friends with the same sun sign are all similar isn't trying to say that you are who you are born as and there is nothing you can do to change it. it's a hobby. an interest. what happened to finding meaning and joy in the small things. does it affect you if someone enjoys tarot reading or crystals. does it make you upset someone has interests that they enjoy.
#im not saying astrology/tarot/crystals/etc. get clowned on so much bc theyre hobbies mostly enjoyed by women But....#i saw a post about some astrology study and made the mistake of opening the notes on that bad boy#not fun. and that reminded me of that old post that was basically like ''liking astrology is transphobic''#anyways idk maybe its just that my bestie is very much a ''crystal girl'' but like. stuff like that are such neat hobbies#she makes some cute little jars with pretty rocks and they make her feel better bc if you believe in something you can make it happen#when it comes to small things#like yeah if you pick up a stone that's like ''this can help you be more open with your emotions'' and you are like ''oh hell yea!''#ofc that will be on your mind and the item will be a constant reminder and actually help you with your goals#and its like. ok what really stuck with me was when i was talking with my bff and i was like ''i think all this stuff is interesting but i#feel bad bc i am superstitious and believe in some signs like lucky numbers but i know that logically its just. if i pick a lucky number of#i pay extra attention to it but i want to believe its lucky but i know how human brains work in that aspect''#and she was just like. ''so? those things dont have to exclude each other'' and it clicked#if i have a little tigers eye with me it does not make me feel more grounded magically#but if i decide (or believe) it's grounding then it will b bc it's a reminder for me to calm down#and stuff#like. ah idk how to put my thoughts into words#but i just think its unfair that a few rotten apples have ruined the perception of fun hobbies for a lot#not every astrology enjoyer is trying to sell you mlm essential oils or genuinely believe peoples entire lives are dictated upon the stars#or something#idk i just feel like these things are v misunderstood even tho im not personally like super into them myself#but ppl super mean about that stuff arent invited to look at my medieval themed fortune telling cards#idkk im sleepy and cant articulate my points someone else say this but better#leevi talks#im just saying. i dont think its bioessentialism to decide to believe you personally have a season for growth when the stars are in a#certain position or whatever
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designernishiki · 2 years ago
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it’s kinda funny to me how that dumb scene in kiwami 1 of majima getting shot and left for dead in the harbor was basically just added as a half-assed way to explain majima not being around for a bit of the plot, but they accidentally(?) just made it seem like start of a chain reaction where majima ended up feeling slighted and heartbroken after being abandoned like that and then lashed out about it via smashing a big truck into the building kiryu was in. and yeah that isn’t inherently a romantic thing as-is but then they go and add the part where majima grabs a hostess and performatively hits on her as in-kiryu’s-face as possible, she says she’s already in love with someone, and majima lets her go immediately, no questions asked, making a big fucking point of it just to say see THAT kiryu? I appreciate when people are HONEST about their FEELINGS. people who won’t just BACKSTAB someone who CARES about them to save themselves. is that so crazy kiryu?? huh??? anyway make it up to me get down here and fight me right fucking now
#I think on another level he was sorta saying like ‘hey kiryu. you’re making it extremely clear that you don’t trust me and my intentions#and I’ve been trying to show you- over and over again- that I’d do just about anything for you and your safety#but I can’t just let my mask fall off in front of everyone- I need to keep up the unpredictable morally grey wildcard act for both my sake#AND yours. because disguising my helping you as crazy random violent outbursts and weird stalker behavior#is the only way I CAN help you. do you think it would go over well with shimano or literally anyone else if I was outright helping you out#of the kindness of my heart and fondness for you? stop being so fucking dense and look past the crazy wacky nonsense for a second and#maybe you’ll realize that all I do at the end of the day- really- is help you and put my own life and reputation on the line for you.#I am an honest guy when it comes to my real values and when I told you I wouldn’t let anyone kill you unelss it was myself- I meant it.#I’ve taken a knife and a bullet for you now. can you REALLY not see through the act yet? am I REALLY that unpredictable when you think about#it?’#that was a longer explanation than i intended but. it was difficult to put into words#I basically feel like it could be read as him implying kiryu shouldn’t backstab the people who put themselves on the line to help him#and/or pointing out that he’s never actually done kiryu dirty and has stuck to his word protecting him in the ways he can#trying to say yeah all this is a crazy act and all but when it comes down to it you Can trust me#it really makes sense when you think about it that he’d have to help kiryu/show affection towards kiryu in unpredictable convoluted ways#at that point in time because. I mean. there’s a reason he was the only person who showed up to welcome kiryu when he got out of prison#and that’s because A) he sticks to his word and his loyalty to people he cares about and B) no one else had the balls or the batshit insane#mask to wear to ward off anyone asking real questions like majima did. because ANYONE associating themselves with the supposed#patriarch-killer was a HUGE NO-NO at the time. someone important showing up for kiryu and welcoming him back outright could’ve caused#all-out warfare probably. except majima. because majima was dedicated and smart enough to use his widely-feared wildcard persona#(that everyone tended to view as incapable of having any Real agenda to worry about) to his And kiryu’s advantage#does that make sense??? I feel like it makes a lot of sense if you get it to click in your head#kazumaji#majima#kiryu#yakuza#kiwami 1#yk1#rambling
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steinwayandhissons · 2 years ago
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arctic monkeys and every time the word ‘love’ is mentioned
whatever people say I am that’s what I’m not
tonight there’ll be some love, tonight there’ll be a ruckus yeah regardless of what’s gone before
~ view from the afternoon
oh there ain’t no love, no montagues or capulets
~ i bet you look good on the dancefloor
all that’s left is the proof that love’s not only blind but deaf… yeah I’d love to tell you all my problem
~ fake tales of san francisco
she makes a subtle proposition, I’m sorry love I’ll have to turn you down
~ when the sun goes down
lady, where has your love gone, i was looking but can’t find it anywhere, they always offer when there’s loads of love around but when you’re short of some it’s nowhere to be found
~ no buses
well how can you wake up with someone you don’t love and not feel slightly phased by it
~ leave before the lights come on
favourite worst nightmare
it’s wrong wrong wrong but we’ll do it anyway cause we love a bit of trouble
~ balaclava
and those dreams weren’t as daft as they seem, aren’t as daft as they seem my love
~ fluorescent adolescent
there’s room for the trouble and there’s lovers to be had
~ this house is a circus
it’d be a big mistake for you to wait and let me waste your time, really love it’s fine, I said really love it’s fine
~ the bad thing
old yellow bricks, love’s a risk… houdini love you don’t know what you’re running away from
~ old yellow bricks
another roll around and another push and shove, further away from the idea of love
~ da frame 2r
the more you keep on looking the more it’s hard to take, love we’re in stalemate… you’re slacking love where have you been
~ the bakery
am I too quick to assume that the love is no longer in bloom
~ too much to ask
humbug
i had a hole in the pocket of my favourite coat and my love dropped into the lining
~ i haven’t got my strange
suck it and see
i wanna feel your love brick by brick
~ brick by brick
do you still feel love is a laserquest or do you take it all more seriously… when I’m not being honest I pretend that you were just some lover
~ love is a laserquest
your love is like a studded leather headlock
~ suck it and see
jealousy in technicolour, fear by name, love by numbers… crushing up a bundle of love
~ that’s where you’re wrong
before she showed you how to shake love’s steady hand
~ the blonde o sonic shimmer trap
your love’s not what I need, so don’t give it to me
~ evil twin
am
it’s not like I’m falling in love I just want you to do me no good… the look of love, the rush of blood
~ no.1 party anthem
love buckles under the strain of those wild nights
~ mad sounds
I heard that you fell in love, or near enough
~ snap out of it
love like locked horns, love like dominoes… love like thunder, love like falling snow
~ electricity
I know you’re nothing like mine cause she’s walking on sunshine and your love would tear us apart
~ you’re so dark
tranquility base hotel and casino
love came in a bottle with a twist off cap, let’s all have a swig and do a hot lap… but it’s alright, cause you love me
~ star treatment
when true love takes a grip it leaves you without a choice
~ golden trunks
pattern language in the mood for love
~ the world’s first ever monster truck front flip
I wanna stay with you my love, the way some science fiction does
~ science fiction
the dawn won’t stop weighing a tonne, I’ve done some things that I shouldn’t have done, but I haven’t stopped loving you once
~ the ultracheese
the car
lights out on the wonder park, your saw toothed lover boy was quick off the mark
~ jet skis on the moat
put your heavy metal to the test, there might be half a love song in it all for you
~ mr schwartz
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cleromancy · 1 year ago
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sexiest and funniest thing roy harper ever did was look at dick grayson and go i could fix him
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apleasurableillusion · 18 days ago
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Immediately unfollowing anyone who posts “democrats aren’t doing anything”. Like it’s fine if you think they should be doing something specific, but then say that
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caulfect · 28 days ago
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y’know. something that gets overlooked often is kate’s video, and the confirmed implications of it.
whether you believe nathan assaulted kate or not, this doesn’t take away from the fact she was canonically sa’d by multiple boys at the vortex club party. there are no names given, but we know this is undoubtedly true due to the video’s existence as well as everyone talking about the contents within said video. we also know that kate was visibly out of it in the video given max’s remarks when she finds it on victoria’s computer, and that passed out girls are a common sight at vortex club parties given the unresponsive student across hayden at the end-of-the-world bash :
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regardless of where you stand on nathan’s involvement, it is undoubtedly obvious that kate is a victim of sexual assault. she was drugged and then mauled by a group of boys who could probably tell something was wrong, but just didn’t care enough to check. after all, as victoria puts it, people get wasted all the time … how are they supposed to protect or care for every which one of them? ( excuses! )
lis:1 in general has always handled sexual assault with nuance so rarely found in media. they do not make harsh lines in the sand about what ‘counts’ or not. they do not make a show of brutalizing the women on our screen via borderline fetish content like most do when discussing themes of rape. instead, there are undertones : max in lis:de, for example, treats the dark room like a sexual assault trauma specifically. she also goes through her own victim blaming by harping on how attractive she found jefferson, how much she wanted to marry him … this occurs in her nightmare as well, where max behaves as though she wanted what happened, what jefferson did to her, when we know she didn’t. obviously, max was not raped. she was not kissed or groped. but there is an underlying sexual gratification jefferson gets from framing her -- there are perverted comments whispered in her ear, she’s being posed with her purity being talked about, and she is being photographed in a vulnerable, helpless state. it just paints a picture. max comes out of it well aware that jefferson was into it, into seeing her that way, and he moved her while she was unconscious and took his sick photos and that’s enough for the trauma to settle in the sexual assault category. most people wouldn’t count it as that, but the game itself does. the dark room has always been a heavy handed look into young girls being abused and preyed on by older men. it is not shocking that it’s one big metaphor for sexual abuse as well, especially sexual abuse that is demeaned and invalidated by others, sexual abuse that isn’t believed. cue jefferson’s whole character. a man who is too perfect and beloved to suspect. a man who told kate to her face that she’s just seeking attention and likely enjoyed what happened to her. a man who got away with such remarks.
the newspapers go out of their way to claim there isn’t any evidence of sexual assault among the victims, and i believe that’s because they weren’t assaulted in the only way the public cares to look, which is penetrative sex. i could also see the article lying, as papers do, but i think it paints a more prominent picture of how weird people are about sexual assault victims and how downright demanding they are about what counts, what doesn’t, and what’s okay for victims to do or say about their own experiences. it is all rather disgusting, honestly! and i’ve always been enamored by the more complicated, unpopular takes lis:1 took with that plot. i feel like to harp on sexual trauma that genuinely isn’t confirmed and to then ignore the girls’ actual sexual assault ( jefferson, the vortex club ) does a rather huge disservice to the game’s more interesting themes. to put it plainly, it’s a major simplifying tale of the story.
#tbt.#tw sa#been thinking abt this forever tbh?? like. why does nobody actually talk about that damn video#i just find it amusing when people act like nathan decides kate’s victimhood or not. because he doesn’t.#whether he touched her or not doesnt matter — she was canonically touched at that party and recorded and MOCKED for it#multiple boys touched her. this is an undeniable fact. the boys are anonymous but they are confirmed#to act like saying that nathan didn’t assault her removes her victimhood is frankly ignorant and weird to me#he’s already a pretty shitty guy? like. we KNOW he’s done fucked up shit.#whether he touched her or not doesn’t negate the fact he drugged her at all and let that happen to begin with lol#why are some people so …. obsessed? with the fact that he supposedly sa’d her?#again. i don’t care whether you hc that he did or not. i could see either or but! some people are weirdos about it#and i think making very bold takes about kate’s victimhood is weird as fuck anyway#a.) way to prove the game’s themes right in the fact that people are so weird about sa to begin with#and how people act like dictators and actively take away victim’s voices by using big scary words to prove that their opinions are right#and everyone else’s is wrong so if you’re wrong you’re actually disgusting and don’t care about sa#and b.) some of you ONLY view kate as a victim of nathan and nothing more. or just a victim in general. and i think that’s interesting!!#anyway this isnt about any mutuals dw dw but like i’ve had this in my drafts for five days so im releasing it!!#how lis handles sa is so important to me and i hate that people dumb it down and turn it into a morality war??? so weird#but yeah <3 will try to respond to msgs later today
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first-ex-wife · 1 month ago
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love getting say shit like fuck bones death sex blood shit damn die hell penis dead vagina etc 🥰
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townofcrosshollow · 4 months ago
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So a little while ago at work I was cashing out a woman who was mostly communicating with intonation but no words, which was perfectly understandable, and she seemed to understand what I was saying but I did more gesturing like I usually do with customers who may be deaf/hoh. At some point she made a motion with her hand that looked like sign language to me, and I felt a little embarrassed because I keep meaning to learn ASL and just... haven't. So after she left I started trying to see if I could figure out what she signed at me.
Boy. I was not prepared.
The entire fucking search results were just articles titled things like "sign language for beginners!" showing me words like "UP" and "MILK." I got so desperate I was typing in search terms like "basic american sign language FOR ADULTS"
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solarpunkani · 4 months ago
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Minor W for the solarpunk zombie story, we finally reached the front gate of the town GOD BLESS
Already shoving other OCs into the project as minor characters
Now the problem.....
I am overthinking EVERYTHING
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eclaire-went-bam · 10 months ago
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bcs i'm aware of how i automatically percieve people, i earnestly try to give the benefit of the doubt a lot. i tend to believe people are Actually Just That Dumb™ when they're joking about something, so i try to get ahead of that & tell myself people are joking when they say something stupid, so that i don't look stupid
all i've learnt in doing that, is most of the time, people aren't joking. they actually did mean what they say, & i made the situation 10× worse by laughing at what they said.
not only does it reinforce the idea in my head that people are Dumb so i need to take the reins on literally Everything, but it also leads people to believe i'm making fun of them for saying something silly & talking to me less, when, if i knew it were a genuine thing they thought, i would have gladly explained it without judgement
but i don't really know how to stop treating them as jokes, because what if they ARE joking so they laugh at me for how Stupid i am for taking the bait? i can't handle being made a fool of, i think i'd rather die
#this is in part bcs my father was like this all the time i believe#i'd talk abt one of my special interests & he'd deliberately say something stupid about it#so that he could laugh at me whenever i explained how it actually worked#a lotta ppl in my family tend to pretend to be dumb around me actually. so i gave up on talking abt science special interests#i do have personal gripes with words like “stupid” & “dumb” so know in my head i Know they're toxic & have ableist connotations#but my automatic kneejerk reaction to things is to think Stupid even if i don't say it bcs of the constantly devaluing of everyone around me#everything's a competition. don't lose or show your hand and things will be better for you.#don't give people a reason to think you're incompetent. isolation is better than risking danger & ridicule so long if it's isolation because#you're on a higher plane than everybody else.#or something like that#it's not that deep#npd#narcissistic personality disorder#cluster b#autism#bcs i cant with tones#i guess this may be a fine way of looking at things on the internet with strangers bcs bait is rlly annoying#however when it comes to interpersonal relationships irl and online it's a problem. especially when logically you KNOW your circle doesn't#rlly have anyone who pretends to be stupid to you so they can laugh at you. i think they will anyways.#if anything *i* tend to be like that to people i like less. i pretend to be stupid abt something so they can mansplain it to me & i get#silent supply off so easily having control over what they're feeling towards me & what they're doing even if they think They have the reins#in the discussion. tho i won't view it as making ppl take the bait & i won't openly mock people#i'm a hypocrite
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meowkusunoki · 9 months ago
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ocgrammers reblog and tell me how your characters type
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monster-noises · 6 months ago
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Anyone out there got a solution for when you're feeling really stuck with your art and everyone and their mother tells you the solution is to do studies and figure drawings and other such things but even just thinking about doing those things makes you Spiral and want to Kill Yourself?
#monster noises#it's 1am no one will see this it's fine#it's a genuine problem though i Wish i could be aotherfucker who found it engaging and satisfying to do figure drawing#but i both A) had some bad experiences with this type of learning in highschool that i guess kinda make them triggering for me i guess?#and B) my brain doesn't seem to be able to like.. Learn Things.... That Way.... or at least not Obviously#i mean obviously i've improved as an artist over time in general#and i won't lie and say i've Never done figure drawing or studies or anything#but i never leave those situations feeling like i've Learned anything#mostly i've just sat for several hours growing increasinglyore frustrated#at my limitations and inability to achieve what i feel should come to me intuatively#and even if i Did feel like i've learned something i can seemingly never turn around and then apply it to something else#my brain does not make those lateral connections#it's why i can't do word problems in math.#and plus i also find stuff like figure drawing especially Rarely helps me make progress on the parts of my work i Actually want to improve#fluidity/mobility/stylization and surrealism#and only reinforces practices i want to pull away from#realism/'correctness'#all this combined leaves me just kinda stuck because i really can't power through my fear of these practicing methods#because i also don't find them useful#but i have no alternatives because it's like.. the only thing anyone suggests because theoretically is Does Work#but just not when you're Specifically Busted like I'm Busted#and so I just continue to stagnate until idk.. i find something else that can abruptly and suddenly launch me forward again?.#augh.. being an artist is The Most Enjoyable (_=<=)_
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