#they absolutely have to! but wasps are like oh youre standing too close to me? me who landed on YOUR soda? fuck you ill sting your

[bunnyb34r]

I just saw a post ab how people hate wasps bc they're not cute like bumblebees and babe let me stop you right there, it's bc they don't die when they sting you so they're GONNA sting you without fear

It's fear more than anything. We don't see them and go "ew a wasp, how UGLY" we see them and go "oh god please dont sting me please dont sting me please please oh fuck"

[carduelis-carduelis]

Izzy Hands Is Not the Wasp That Stung You

My problem with wasps

When I was very young, maybe three years old, I met a wasp for the first time in my life. Of course I didn’t know what wasps were or what they could do, and by the time my dad had finished saying that I should just stay still, I had already flailed and got stung. It hurt, but that wasn’t the worst thing. The thing that shocked me the most was that there are these unpredictable insects that can just come out of nowhere and sting you, if you don’t stay still.

This incident led to me having two possible reactions when encountering a wasp. My first instinct was ”flight”, meaning that I would do anything it takes to put as much space between me and the wasp. Hearing the buzzing and/or seeing the black-and-yellow stripes was enough to send me running. If this was not a possibility, ”freeze” was the second option. After all, people kept saying that wasps won’t do anything if you don’t aggravate them, so if you stay still, they’ll let you be. But staying still was always the worse option out of the two, because the wasp could decide to land on my face, or just keep circling me and I would have to hear the horrible buzzing and just wait for it to fly away. 

So, usually I ran. One memorable time I jumped into the lake from a rowboat, because there was nowhere else to run. One time I ran, tripped over my own feet and scratched my knees on the pavement. I was over 20 at the time. I’m twice that age now, and I still run whenever a wasp starts to circle me. I can’t help it. Sometimes the buzzing alone is enough to trigger it, even if it’s not a wasp. It can be a horsefly or a bumblebee. Seeing black-and-yellow striped hover flies works similarly. The first reaction is to get away. If I concentrate, I can maybe take in some additional information and assess if there is an actual danger. What’s the pitch of the buzz? What’s the flight pattern? How big is the insect?

Horse flies can just fuck off. They are going to try and take a bite of me, no matter what I do, so there’s no harm in trying to swat them, it won’t aggravate them more.

Bumblebees and honeybees are a different thing, though. Like wasps, they can sting if they feel threatened, so you should avoid swatting at them. But they aren’t as aggressive, and honeybees can’t even sting you more than once. These fuzzy buzzers just want to be left alone. They are important pollinators. Some people even think they are cute. I have friends who go ”awwwww, look at that fluffy little butt” when we walk past some flowers and there are bumblebees doing their work. And I hear the buzzing and see the stripes and quicken my steps. Even when I logically know that bumblebees are generally harmless, it doesn’t stop me from panicking if there’s a bumblebee in my immediate vicinity and I can’t get away from it.

One time, I was on a bus and there was a bumblebee trapped inside. Luckily, it was quite far away from me, so I just tried to breathe steadily, kept my eyes on it to make sure it wasn’t coming too close to me and hoped my stop would come soon. The bumblebee was in the middle of the bus, bonking against the window, trying to find a way out. There was also a group of people standing in the middle of the bus, and one of them went into absolute panic when they spotted the bumblebee. They started sobbing and yelling at their friends that they have to kill it. And I thought ”oh, but it doesn’t want to harm you, it’s just a bumblebee, I get that you are scared, but it’s really not posing you a threat right now.”

 What does this have to do with Izzy? 

There are people in OFMD fandom who interpret Izzy as an abuser and a bully.

The thing with interpretations is that they are extremely subjective. They depend on your personal life experiences. They are not undisputed facts. Everyone is entitled to their own interpretations. Also, those personal life experiences we have, they give us individual triggers.

I understand that there are people who get triggered by Izzy, I really do. He does something that reminds them of some real life abuser. He brings back bad memories. Izzy has black-and-yellow stripes and he is buzzing, therefore he must be swatted with a rolled newspaper. Anyone who tries to say that he’s just a little guy who’s just trying to do his job (and look at his fuzzy little butt!) is clearly just an abuse apologist. There is no difference between Izzy and the Badmintons, they are all stripy buzzing bastards.

I am absolutely in favour of ”get the fuck away from the same space where there are stripy buzzing things” if it triggers you, no matter if they are wasps or just bumblebees. Also, maybe don’t hang out with people who study bees for a living and can’t shut up about them (unless you’re trying to do some exposure therapy). Keep yourself safe and take care of your own wellbeing. 

I am also absolutely against people trying to stop others from studying bees or talking about how fascinating bees are. Just because I got stung by a wasp and that traumatised me doesn’t mean everyone else went through the same thing. Of course there are wasps in the world and they will sting people, but I don’t go around calling people ”wasp apologists” if I see them saying that bumblebees are cute.

Izzy is not the wasp that stung you. Izzy is the worker bee who is trying to get things done and who will defend the hive when needed.

[poisoned-peppermint]

Part 4 of incorrect quotes because i feel obligated to make more due to the sheer number of people who liked it

Dream: My dearest beloved fuckos, is a fun, gender-neutral way to begin a speech

George: See also, esteemed bastards

Bad: Gentlefolk, Ferals, and Domesticated cryptids. 

Sapnap: My fellow yees and haws

~~~~~~~

Techno:Hey I know skyrim is revered as a classic but are we just going to ignore the fact that the entire game only had like 3 voice actors

Wilbur:Stop right there criminal cum

Techno:My ancestors are smiling at me, bastard, can you say the same

~~~~~~~

Foolish:When's your bedtime :)

Purpled: Whenever I next collapse in purely up to the gods

~~~~~~

Ranboo:Human skin is a fursuit for skeletons 

Tubbo: i’m going to debone you like a fucking trout

~~~~~~

Bad:You’re enough

Bad: love yourself!!!!!!! or suffer my wrath!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dream:And by wrath I mean love!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bad:no I mean wrath!!!!! You reading this, if you don't love yourself I’ll beat you with a stick!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

~~~~~~~

Bad:I hope everyone is today well! And tomorrow!!!! After that you’re on your own.

~~~~~~

Bad:what am I supposed to do all day while you’re at work

Skeppy:I don’t know, what do you normally do while I’m gone

Bad: wait for you to get back

~~~~~~

Velvet:For my next stunt, I’ll wake up at 5am on the day I can sleep in

Ant:Early to bed and early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise.

Velvet:Early to bed and early to rise makes me a massive bitch

~~~~~~

Tubbo: 3:23 AM make a wish

Ranboo: I wish that you would go to sleep

Tuddo: Yeah well I wish I grew an inch taller every day as you get an inch shorter until you’re as flat as as a piece of paper and I’m 11 feet tall

Ranboo: You’re going to die of a mixture of skeletal instability and heart disease.

Tubbo: Yeah but I’ll look good while doing it.

~~~~~~

Bad:Disrespect me again and I’ll determine your bodies resonant frequency and play a jaunty horn solo that boils your miserable organs inside out 

~~~~~~

Quackity: If I were dating you?  Well, heh. Let’s just say horses wouldn't be called horses anymore

Karl: hey what the honk does this mean…..I’m shaking what does this mean!

~~~~~~

Skeppy: Are you ok?

Bad wrapped in a burrito blanket drinking his 6th cup of coffee: Yes, this is exactly what mental stability looks like

~~~~~~

Sam: My hands are cold

Ponk: *holds their hands*

Ponk: better?

Sam: My lips are cold too

~~~~~~

George at dream’s funeral: can I have a moment alone with them?

Sapnap: of course *leaves*

George leaning over dream’s casket: Now listen, I know you’re not dead.

Dream: yeah no shit

~~~~~~

Skeppy, jokingly: I should have Bad kill you for that.

Bad, peering around the corner: Who do I need to kill?

Skeppy: Wh- no, I was just kidding around.

Bad, pulling out a switchblade: No, who’s bothering you

~~~~~~

Bad *watching the news*: Some idiot tried to fight a squid at the aquarium.

Skeppy *covered in ink*: Maybe the squirt was being a dick.

~~~~~~

Peacock: *spreads feathers at Bad*

Skeppy: It’s trying to attract a mate

Bad, extremely confused: *shyly lifts top*

Skeppy: No!

~~~~~~

Sapnap: Karl, do you eat olives? My dad wants to know

Karl: No, I hate olives. Olives are the spawn of satan. I hate olives so much my mom forced me to live in Mount olive for the rest of my childhood as a curse from the olive gods. Do you understand how much olives have ruined my life? I'm so offended that you asked me that have some consideration for people who have been abused by olives please!

Sapnap: K A R L ……….they’re just olives!!?

Karl: JUST OLIVES EXCUSE!

~~~~~~

Tommy: If you’re bored you can simply close your eyes and rotate a cow in your mind. It’s free and the cops can’t stop you

~~~~~~

Wilbur: is there anyone even named sheldon irl?

Tubbo: my class turtle from 6th grade :)

Wilbur: that’s a turtle

Tubbo: When god sings with his creations, will a turtle not be part of the choir?

~~~~~~

Ranboo: No bcuz why do ppl like salad?? What’s so good about it

Tubbo: chew leaf like god intended

Ranboo: No

Tubbo: Abandon god and see what he does next time you lift your hands in prayer

~~~~~~~

Tommy: Guys, there’s a monster under my bed and it’s really ugly.

Wilbur, on the bottom bunk: Honestly, fuck you.

~~~~~~

Quackity: So according to the cease and desist order I got, apparently you can’t ‘legally’ be a lawyer if your license is ‘cut out of a cereal box’.

~~~~~~

Puffy: If you had too, what would you give up food or sex?

Bad: Sex.

Skeppy: Seriously, answer faster.

Bad: I’m sorry honey, when they said sex I wasn’t thinking about sex with you.

Skeppy: It’s like a giant hug.

Puffy: Ant, what about you? What would you give up sex or food?

Ant: Food.

Puffy: Okay, how about sex or dinosaurs?

Ant: ……...Oh my God it’s like the movie Sophie’s Choice.

Gumi: What about you Velvet? What would you give up sex or food?

Velvet: Oh… um… I don’t know, it’s too hard.

Gumi: No, you gotta pick one.

Velvet: Um, food… no, sex… no, food…sex… food. Ugh! I don’t know! I want both! I- I want Antfrost on bread!

~~~~~~~

Tommy, holding a gun: If the conspiracies about life being a simulation are true WHOEVERS CONTROLLING MY SIM I JUST WANNA TALK.

~~~~~~~

Bad: Why are you guys acting like this?

Boomer: Oh, we’re not acting. We really are like this.

~~~~~~

Techno: Dream has only knocked me out three times this week. Our friendship is really developing.

~~~~~~

Tommy: You’re pathetic!

Wilbur: You’re pathetic-er!

Techno: You’re both losers.

~~~~~~

Bad: I wish I could help you, but I shorn’t.

Skeppy: Bad, please!

Bad: What part of shorn’t don’t you understand?

~~~~~~

Tubbo: Why did you leave Wrestlemania on for Michal?

Ranboo: They need to learn how to protect us.

~~~~~~

Antfrost: I regret getting dragged into your heterosexual tomfoolery.

~~~~~~

Bad: Strawberry milk doesn’t taste like strawberry OR milk.

Skeppy: Go the fuck to sleep Bad!

Bad: LANGUAGE!!

~~~~~~

Ranboo: Tubbo, please calm down.

Tubbo: I asked for two large fries!

Tubbo: *dumps fries onto table*

Tubbo: But all they did was give me a MILLION FUCKING LITTLE ONES!

~~~~~~

Bad: That was the worst throw ever. Of all time.

Skeppy: Not my fault. Somebody put a wall in the way.

~~~~~~

Wilbur: When you’ve been on the internet for as long as I have, you develop thick skin.

Tommy: Navy blue isn’t your color.

Wilbur: Navy blue brings out my eyes you prick! *Chases after Tommy*

~~~~~~

Bad: *Pulls a glass a water from out of nowhere*

Puffy: Where did you get that?.

Bad: My pocket.

Puffy: How do you keep a glass of water in your pocket?

Bad: Skills.

~~~~~~

Tubbo: I will come to your house after work and knock on your window at 11 AM. You will not open the curtains, knowing full well what awaits you, but the knocking only grows louder, more demanding. Finally it stops, your ears ringing. You nervously let out a breath you didn't know you were holding. You're safe now. Minutes pass by and you start to relax. And then you hear a knock at the front door. Like before, you stay still and clutch the blankets around you. You try to tell your self that it's just your imagination. Maybe the milk man? But why would he come so late? Everyone else was asleep, save for Naomi who was playing video games down stairs. To your relief, the knocking stops after a few. Minutes and you breath easy once more. Until you hear a knock on your bedroom door. You don't move. It's just your imagination. She isn't here. She can't be here. You tell yourself, shutting your eyes and willing yourself to sleep. The knock comes again, but with horror you realize that it came from the closet inside your room. You know that you have no choice. You get up, climbing out of bed with shaking limbs. You walk to the closest, trembling, and holding back the tears threatening to spill over your porcelain cheeks. You hesitate with your hand over the closet handle. Maybe it's just your imagination? She's not really there. You can go to sleep and laugh it off in the morning. Your naive thoughts are cut off by another, more demanding knock on the closet door, inches from your face. You know what you have to do. You open the closet door, and there she stands. Chuck e cheese, the mouse looms over you in the dim light. It's soulless eyes boor into you. It raises its arms, and you flinch as it begins to floss at lightning speed. Tears spill over your cheeks. This is the last thing you'll ever see.

Ranboo: Wait, Chuck e cheese’s pronouns are she/her? Trans Chuck e cheese? Good for her.

~~~~~~~~

Bad: Would you like something to drink? *They opened the fridge* We have water, milk, juice, spiders, Dr. Pepper-

Quackity: Spiders?

Bad: Spiders it is then.

Quackity: No, that wasn’t-

*But they were already pouring him a brimming glass of spiders…

~~~~~~

Puffy : Make her pussy wet not her eyes.

Velvet : Make his dick hard not his life.

Punz : Break her bed not her heart.

Skeppy : Play with his boobs not his feelings. 

Ant : Get on his dick not his nerves.

Bad : Always salt your pasta while boiling it.

~~~~~~~

Wilbur: Bet you can’t eat 15 crayons!

Tommy: Bet you I can!

Phil: *sips coffee, checks to make sure 911 is still on speed dial, and goes back to reading the paper*

~~~~~~~

Ant: We need a way to lure in new customers?

Ponk: Maybe we could have some fun, interactive events!

Skeppy: Badboyhalo bath water.

Bad: ABSOLUTELY NOT!

~~~~~~~~

Fundy: GET BACK HERE YOU DUMB FUCK!

Wilbur: LET ME RUN FROM THE CONSEQUENCES OF MY ACTIONS!

~~~~~~~~

Bad: Mint is just cold spicy.

Pummel party Squad: …

Gumi: What the actual fuck is wrong with you.

~~~~~~~~

Quackity: Isn’t it amazing how I can feel so bad and still look so good?

~~~~~~~

Tommy: Why does my arm shake and turn bright red when I’m eating dirt?

Phil:

Phil: Why are you eating dirt?

Tommy: Did I ask you if I should eat dirt? No, so answer my question.

~~~~~~~

Tubbo: I wish I could control wasps and bees to sting my enemies.

Quackity: You’re too young to have enemies.

Tubbo: You don’t even know.

~~~~~~~~

Skeppy: Is there a cactus where your heart should be?

Puffy: What’s up your ass this morning!

Bad: *walks in* …Hi!!

Puffy: Hmm… nevermind.

Skeppy: WAIT NO!

~~~~~~~~

Skeppy: Ha! Don’t you know the trappers trap can trap the trapper?

Skeppy: I must be losing it, I’m quoting Bad.

~~~~~~~

Skeppy: Bad, I sense hostility.

Bad: Good, because I hate you

~~~~~~~

Bad: Are you a painting?

Skeppy: What-?

Bad: Because I want to pin you to a wall.

Skeppy: OH GOD I THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING TO SAY YOU WANTED TO HANG ME OR SOMETHING-

~~~~~~

Tommy: You’re giving me a sticker?

Phil: Not just a sticker. That is a sticker of a kitty saying “me-wow!”

Tommy: I’m not a preschooler.

Phil: Fine, I’ll take it back-

Tommy: I earned this, back off!

~~~~~~

Dream, sweating: George, there’s something I need to ask you-

George: Finally! You’re proposing!

Dream: How’d you know?

George: Dream, you’ve dropped the ring five times during dinner.

George: I even picked it up once

~~~~~~~~

*Bad and Skeppy looking at a locked gate into a park*

Bad: Aw. :(

Skeppy: You know what they say.

Bad: Please don’t-

Skeppy: BE GAY DO CRIME! *hops gate*

Bad: Frick-

~~~~~~~~

let me know if ya’ll want more <3

[toadwarts]

Safe At Last

Two humans in love manage to escape from an abusive home and right into the twisted world of Mother Miranda's village. After fleeing from mutated monsters, they meet with The Duke, who offers them board and food in exchange for their work. It is their first night in his caravan, and they discover that they may have another person to add to their romance...

Fluffy and flirtatious, this is a self indulgent and simple fic about The Duke and polyamory. It is written first person, but made so you can also insert yourself into the narrative if you so please.

Read on A03 or Fanfiction! Or you can read here, below the Read More!

I stared down at my empty bowl, reveling in the warm feeling of a full stomach. The Duke’s cooking was more than high quality--it was incredible. It had been a long, long time since either I or my partner had a meal with high quality ingredients, and not something wilted, slightly green and fuzzy at the edges, or simply scraps from someone else’s meal. 

I looked over at my partner, a calm feeling unfolding in my chest. They looked right at home here in the back of The Duke’s caravan, surrounded by the wealthy man’s various wares. A content, dazed expression was fitted on their hard features, and when they met your eyes their own lit up. 

“Did you like your meal?” They asked, smiling as they nodded to my bowl. It was clearly a tease, since I had all but licked it clean. 

“I don’t know, did you?” I laughed, playfully knocking into their shoulder with my own.

“Yeah, I think I could eat this food forever!” They said, patting their stomach and leaning back on the elegant couch we were sitting on.  “Plus, it doesn’t seem like the vampires or lycans come anywhere near here.” Their gaze flitted up to the garlic hanging overhead, then back to me. “Do you feel safe here?” 

I paused. Before we had run away to find the village, my partner and I...had not had the best of lives. Trapped beneath my mother’s thumb for years into adulthood, we lived in a less than sterile and a more than hostile environment. It felt as if the trauma was as much a part of me as the bones beneath my skin. 

Then of course, the village...was not as dream-like as we had hoped. We had narrowly escaped a group of lycan like creatures before stumbling upon the Duke’s caravan. He had offered us a place to stay and some food to eat in the back of his wagon in exchange for work--seeking out wares, cleaning, and just a little bit of heavy lifting. It was our first evening here and so far… It seemed too good to be true. 

“I do feel safe.” I finally said, swallowing down the hard lump in my throat. “But that’s what scares me.” 

They leaned back, sighing heavily. “I know how you feel. It makes me wary, but...what choice do we have?” 

“He does seem nice.” I nodded in agreement. “Even if he is very interested in his stock.” 

My partner laughed, their hand encircling mine as they pulled me close. “It’ll be okay. Maybe this is what we’ve been looking for! He did say he travels...so who knows where we might end up?” 

“I don’t mind as long as it’s far, far away from there.” I whispered, suddenly choked up. I couldn’t believe we were really gone. That we were in this immaculate, clean and beautiful oversized wagon, with an immaculate, clean and...admittedly, beautiful oversized man. A kind man. We would never have to go back to that evil place ever again. 

“Never again.” They whispered, pulling me close and planting a kiss upon my forehead. “I love you, dearest.” 

“And I love you.” I returned, nuzzling into the crook between their neck and shoulder. 

The back of the caravan swung open then, letting the fading light of dusk in. “Well, well, how are we doing back here, little ones?” The Duke stood before us, leaning on an ornate cane to support his heft. He was a massive man, both in height and girth, immaculately groomed and dressed to the nines. He was the finest gentleman either of us had ever seen for sure, and we felt lucky to have been found by him. 

“We’re okay,” I said shyly, standing up. “The meal was absolutely perfect. Thank you so much!”

“Of course, of course!” The Duke smiled broadly. “I quite enjoy cooking, so if there’s anything in particular you have a craving for, just let me know. All I’ll need is assistance procuring ingredients, but that should be no trouble at all.” He heaved himself up the steps to the caravan, ducking through the doorway and coming inside. He had quite the mighty presence indeed, radiating a quiet elegance and strength despite his jovial tone and quaint attitude. 

“Is there anything you need us to do tonight?” I asked as my partner took our bowls. My feet ached terribly from running so much , and I shifted a little from side to side. Like The Duke, I was also fat, and unaccustomed to the sort of travel and fleeing we had been facing in the days prior. I yearned to sit back down, but my politeness won me over. 

“No dear, not tonight.” The Duke said. “You two just rest after everything you’ve been through. Tomorrow is an early day though, so do be prepared!” He walked over to the couch, settling down with a sigh. “I have some stock for Castle Dimitrescu, so we will be heading there.” 

“Castle Dimitrescu?” My partner said, dubious. “I heard...less than good things about that place. I’ve already dealt with enough vampire hags!” 

The Duke laughed heartily, as if my dear one had said quite the funny joke. “No need to fret! I have a truce with all of Castle Dimitrescu, as well as the other Lords you have heard about, so there is nothing to fear since you are now being employed by me. You simply have to look pretty and do a good job of peddling my wares.” He winked, leaning back. 

My partner blushed, and so did I. The Duke was also a rather straightforward man. 

I kept shifting from foot to foot, feeling uncomfortable but doing my best to not to show weakness. Before, weakness had gotten me beatings and beratings. Though The Duke seemed benevolent, I had no desire to discover if he had a dark side. 

“Are you alright, little one?” He asked, eying me up and down. “Feet hurting? After a long day, I certainly know how that feels. But you’ve had many long days, yes?” 

I grimaced. “Ah… Yes. They are, a bit.” I flushed with embarrassment. 

The Duke leaned forward. “Why not have a seat, my dear?” His face crinkled with concern. “No reason to cause further harm to yourself. Rest easy now.” 

I began to lower myself to the floor, but jumped back up when the large man’s jarring laugh rang throughout the back of the wagon. “W-What?” I said, flustered. My partner was then protectively at my side, their hand at the small of my back. 

“You don’t need to sit on the floor! While it is certainly a nice one, that will only hurt your back.” The Duke said. 

“But...there’s no where else to sit.” I looked around. Duke took up the couch we had been sitting on, and there was really nowhere else to go but the floor now, unless we went to The Duke’s bed further in the caravan. The thought made me flush. 

“You can sit right here, I don’t mind.” The Duke patted his sides. His ample belly and the arms of the couch made for a makeshift seat for sure. “And you too,” He said, pointing to my partner. “I know you, the strong type--never wanting to rest, always pushing yourself for everyone else. Come, be comfortable, and let’s chat.” 

I looked up at my partner, face red as a bushel of roses. I was delighted to see that they were too. It was rare that I saw my partner this flustered, and it made butterflies dance in my stomach. 

“Are you comfortable with that?” They asked me, squeezing my hand, a knowing look in his eyes. We had talked about this sort of thing before, but nothing had ever come to reality. 

I nodded, feeling like a storm of wasps was zooming around in my guts. The Duke really was incredibly straightforward, but it didn’t seem as if he had any ulterior motives. He just wanted to offer comfort and good company to both of us--and I guess it was obvious that both my partner and I thought he was pretty cute. 

My partner glided forward, hand still in mine. We stood before The Duke, who had a calm and knowing smile on his face. He offered his hands to each of us, which we shyly but gladly took. We climbed up on either side of him, settling down and reveling in the softness of his sides. We sat there stiffly for a moment, feeling completely out of our leagues. 

The Duke chuckled gently, his strong arms coming ‘round to encircle us. I felt myself go stiff when his hand brushed against my back, the cool metal of his rings soothing as he placed his hand there. “Is this alright?” He asked both of us coolly, looking from my partner to me. I nodded, locking eyes with my partner as he nodded too. 

My partner was long and thin, a wonderful contrast when sidled up next to the massive Duke. I was short and fat, but even I felt swallowed up by The Duke’s own plush body. He felt like the world’s comfiest...well, not human exactly, but something.

“Good, good. Last thing I want is to make my newest proteges uncomfortable.” The Duke nodded firmly before beginning to rub soft circles into my back. “Now, try to relax. The two of you deserve it. “ 

I let myself lean into The Duke, resting my head atop his pillowy chest. I relaxed into his side with a soft sigh, relinquishing myself to his soothing touch. 

“Protege?” My partner asked, their tone light. “Since when were we your proteges rather than just employees?” 

“I don’t let just anyone handle my wares!” The Duke announced with a chuckle. “I could tell there was something special about the two of you. I’ve heard of the sensation of le coup de foudre.” 

“Love at first sight.” My partner said coyly. “You don’t play around, do you?” They slid an arm over The Duke’s soft belly, reaching for my hand. Tenderly, I reached my own arm forward, taking their hand in mine in an embrace that came as easy as breathing to me. The feeling of my partner’s fingers squeezing mine atop the pillowy expanse of Duke’s midsection was heaven. 

“Oh no, not when there’s sales to be made!” The Duke laughed brightly. “And new friends to make. Perhaps more?” 

I reveled in The Duke’s scent--rich cologne intermingled with the faint touch of expensive cigar smoke. I looked into my partner’s eyes, bright as the sun itself. I let myself relax even more, cuddling up to The Duke and relinquishing myself to comfort. I was finally free, ready to face the world with the love of my life, and we had both run right into the arms of someone else with plenty of love to give. The future was surely ripe with possibilities.

Both of them smiled down at me, and I felt...safe. 

Safe at last. 

[marvelous-space-nerd]

My dearest Bee

Hi dear tumblr people! I wrote a thing and I quite like it,,

Summary: Time travel, is, well something. Who would've thought that you would get stuck in the 1800's?? Well here you are, part of the Van der Linde gang, ready to face the past.

First chapter can be read as a stand alone chapter. It takes place a few years after Isaac died. The relationship between the reader and Arthur is platonic. Enjoy!!

ao3

My dearest Bee,

So I hope these letters- I can’t call them letters if they’re in a book right?- Anyways, I hope these will find you, I hope you’re home, safe. I hope you saw your dog again, I miss her. I have a horse now though! Maybe I’ll name her after you, or just wasp. If I remember correctly you weren’t the biggest fan of wasps. But really, I’m not sure if we timetraveld or were transported to another universe where everything just started like 100 years later, the latter case making it a whole lot harder for you to find this. I just really hope you’ll find this against all odds, because I said I’d write to you if I made it. And I did! I guess. After the whole thing blew up some cowboys found me, I think they call themselves the Van der Linde gang? But yeah, they feed me and gave me a bed for the small price of doing some chores. I’d like to do more though, did you know that the 1800’s are really boring even though you can die at any second? It’s spicy but in the wrong way. I’d like you to know though that it’s not all bad here. People are lovely when they’re not trying to shoot you. You should see a campfire evening- hell any evening- here.

Yours always,

(Y/N)

“(Y/N) get off your lazy ass and do the chores we asked you to do!”

“Mister Morgan! No need to yell, I got it perfectly under control. I was just, taking a break, that's all. Everyone who works all day has the right to take a break.”

“Boy as much as we want it workers are exploited ‘till they fall to the ground face first. You however are not so-” He took a deep breath, closed his eyes before speaking agian. Softer this time than the louder tone he was using first. “get to work, please.”

“Fine fine, but-”

“There better leave something good out of that big mouth of yours.”

“Hey that's just rude! But I want one of you lot to teach me anything. I can’t even ride a horse for Christ's sake.”

“I still don’t get how you can’t kiddo.”

“I told you I lost my memory at the explosion, maybe I lost my skills too.” You said avoiding his piercing gaze. Nothing is better at covering up lies than staring at rocks being sad over the skills you’ve lost.

“And we all know about that blatant lie.” Fuck, maybe rocks aren’t good at covering up.

“It isn’t-”

“Boy I don’t give a damn, you could work on your handwriting though, you’re almost worse than John. But fine, when you’re done with your chores I'll teach you to ride.” He said, finally giving in.

“Yay!” You said while doing little hand clapping motion. “I won’t disappoint, I promise. I’m a fast learner!” You said with smiling eyes

“And how’d you find out you were a fast learner boy?” He spoke out as he raised his eyebrows, just enough for you to feel them piercing right through you, poking at all the holes in your lie. You thought you’d last at least a few months, well here you are, exactly one month deep in this shithole being caught red handed.

“Fuck” Is all you managed to cram out while your eyes lost all their focus. You being back in your own mind instead of the wild world.

It made the silence hard. The only sound that of the other gang members and the birds and the bees to give you something to focus on. It’s so hard out here, no amount of scouts will ever prepare one for the real wild.vIt’s much scarier out here. The real wild is the place where you die if you trip over the wrong rock. The scouts will make sure the rock isn’t even there. Every bird will just put down another rock and god I want the silence broken, just as broken as my lie is.

“I know there’s probably a reason you’re not telling us anything.” Athur said, as he moved closer, his eyes smaller. Like they could see right in his head “You can’t hide forever, not who you are.”

“...”

“Use your words boy”

“I’m sorry, Mister Morgan, I don’t know what to say to that.”

“You’ll figure it out, but first geT your ass back to woRK.” His voice became louder this time, I mean this was the third time he asked. He put his hand on your shoulder, shoving you away from your shared tent towards the hay bales you were supposed to move. A bit harder than anyone in the twenty-first century would’ve done, but for Arthur it was just a friendly push.

“I will, I will mister Morgan!” You said trying to act cheerful. Arthur made a “tsk” sound and waved you off, absolutely done, it seemed. You moved to the hay bales that were still in the wagon, ready to be fed to the horses.

The hay bales were heavy, yet they seemed lighter than they were a month ago. Your hands weren’t soft no more and being covered in dirt and dust wasn’t rare anymore. The luxuries that the modern world gave you disappeared the moment you decided that Bee was the one who should go home. One to run to the portal the moment it opens, one to pull the lever and jump through afterwards. Both of you knew that people don’t want you touching their stuff, let alone interdimensional portals or time machines. You knew someone would be quick to show up the moment you turned it on. It was surprising to see the portal become unstable, blinking in and out, in and out of existence. It left you with 2 choices. Option a: jump in it praying it would still transport you back home, back to all you knew not leaving you in the empty pocket of a closed portal. Or option b: run away for the inevitable explosion.

Gods you hated thinking about it. It played and twisted your mind. You couldn’t even talk about it, no accessible therapists in the wild west. And you’d prefer not to tell anyone you’re a helpless time traveler. Stuck in 1895 traveling with a gang of outlaws. A surely unique situation only you could get yourself in. You don’t even remember what you chose. You just remembered waking up surrounded by a bunch of cowboys.

“And how is our newest member doing?” The man's smooth and easy voice was easily recognizable. Dutch Van der Linde. Isn’t it ironic that he has a dutch surname and that his parents called him, well, Dutch. It’s a question that always on your mind, why his parents did that and if it’s iconic or just stupid. Dutch was one of the first people who introduced himself, right after Arthur- who was very inclined on being called Mister Morgan- and Hosea. The trio who showed you the wild west wasn’t all bad.

“Dutch! It is absolutely lovely to see you.” You said while putting the last hay bale down. A little bit of healthy sweat decorating your face. “I am doing absolutely great. Arthur- Mister Morgan is actually going to teach me how to ride a horse when I’m done.” You said while eyeing Arthur. Clearly not being amused with the situation. “Eh, he said yes, it’s his problem now.”

“I’m surprised you got through that thick skull of his!” He said with a smile, each word a little louder than the last. He clapped his hand on your shoulder as he let out a little chuckle.

“I think he likes me even though he won’t admit it actually.” You lied, confidence was half of the battle, as they say.

“I think I don’t you annoying little bastard.” Arthur said, joining the conversation. Dutch clearly talks loud enough to make sure any gossip subject will show up to the gossip. Definitely not the fact that you made eye contact with him “Now get to your horse before I change my mind.”

“Arthur! Oh shit- Mister Morgan! I’ll be there before they can even give me a speeding ticket” You said, maybe it was a bit too modern this time, but isn’t the wild west about living on the edge?

“You speak a strange version of english boy.” Arthur said. “You know how to saddle up a horse right?”

“Hosea taught me so I could help around with chores. And Wasp already had a saddle when we found her so I’m all good to go Mister Morgan!”

“Great, now go get her saddled up so we can go.” He said, motioning towards the horses.

“See you in a flash.” You said while snapping your fingers, forming finger guns to point back to Arthur. You dismissed the look of confusion on their faces, clearly not used to the finger gun motion. You walked off to Wasp and gave her a little pet and a snack. As you were putting her saddle on you overheard the rest of the conversation between Arthur and Dutch.

“We can both see you have a soft spot for the boy, Arthur.” Dutch said with a chuckle.

“And we both know youngins have great hearing and that he’s spying on our little conversation.” Arthur said in response, eyeing you. You kept saddling Wasp up as if you heard nothing. Let the deaf chicken inside of you arise and all. Hoping they’d say more.

“I know Arthur, I know.” Dutch said with a chuckle. About to walk away. “Oh before you go, he’s a kid Arthur, don’t be too hard on him and be carefull.” You didn’t think you were a kid, maybe not a full grown adult, but at least you were half an adult, no kid. But you weren’t going to say anything, you were eavesdropping after all. “He’s all yours, (Y/N)!” He yelled at you, before leaving for real. You turned around and gave him a smile and a quick wave. Arthur walked

“Take her by the reins, we're walking to an open spot first.”

“Shoar '' You said, absolutely trying to mimic the western accent you hear all around here. Apparently it was just bad enough to make Arthur chuckle.

“We’ll make a cowboy outta ya yet.”

Traveling in the wild was absolutely amazing for the most part. Abandoned camps are in fact disgusting. They leave their trash! And it’s not like they cleaned their cans so it smells. But besides that the mostly untouched nature was beautiful and the air was so clean. It all felt much more, how to put it, real. No factories everywhere, no house on every corner of the street, just, the world how mother nature intended it. It was peaceful. There was an open field about ten minutes walking from camp, and that’s where you arrived. Reins in hand.

“You ready to go (Y/N)?” Arthur asked. You put your hand on your hips looking at your horse with abosute pride and stupidity because how to fuck were you going to do this?

“Absolutely.” You said. “Remind me how do I get on again?”

The words were taken by the wind as they made room for silence. Arthur’s expression could be described as a mix between surprise, disbelief and the OhMyGodAreYouStupid emotion. Yet it all quickly made room for a smile, or a laugh. He could definitely be laughing at you.

“I didn’t expect to need to teach an 18 year old how to get on a damn horse.”

There was no fire behind the words, but as they say, fight (fake) fire with (fake) fire.

“And I didn’t expect to end up here for the life of so I did not think horse riding would be a viable skill to know. So get your pretty ass in the saddle so I can.. mimic you or something.” You said making a hand gesture at Arthur’s horse.

He gave you one more smile as he turned to his horse, getting on slower than usual. He got on on the right side of his horse so he put his right foot in the styrup. He lifted his body up effortlessly and as elegant as a western outlaw could get. And there he was, in the saddle, in full western glory.

“Looks easy enough.” You said, an absolute lie as it turned out. The stirrups were way higher than expected, and the getting on could be called anything but elegant or the cool western movies you saw. Turns out your own body is heavy and there’s quite a lot on a horse to get stuck behind. But you ended up in the saddle, full western glory.

The rest of the riding lesson went about the same. Arthur did something really cool looking and whenever you did it it felt like you were some old slime blob.

“Squeeze your lower legs to get her to move, (Y/N)!”

“I am this horse is just broken- OHMYGOD SHe’s moving!”

“Never blame the horse for the rider's lack of skill, boy. Now steering.”

He explained it all to you. How to properly hold the reins and how to use them, how to do it with one hand and how to do it with two. Western and English style he called it. He taught you how to move your horse around and what not to do. The one and most important thing being to have no doubts and no fear. The horse will sense it.

It felt odd at first, to have control over another living being. It wasn’t easy no, Arthur had to tell you how to correct your posture every 5 minutes. But after a while of correcting everything you started to get confident. It started getting easier to steer. Every muscle of yours was getting tired but it was so worth it. Maybe one day you’ll look like an actual movie star.

Once you got the basics down you could go a bit harder. From a walk to a trot, a canter and even a little gallop. And as the wind brushed over your face blowing your hair away, it felt like something the 21st century didn’t have a lot of. Galloping through the grass hearing every step as more and more grass was thrown into the air. Arthur still giving you instructions on what to watch out for, riding by your side in case of emergency. And the horse, Wasp, god she deserved a cooler name. Her big strong muscles moving beneath you, her breath as she was running, the heat radiating from her skin, gods it felt so great. No modern bike or car could ever top this feeling of freedom.

Cars and bikes could however top the feeling of falling off. You lost control quite a few times, losing balance, a rearing horse throwing you right where you belong. But nothing modern could beat that feeling of getting on again. Of it working when you tried it for a second time. Hell, maybe the third time. Arthur was there to make sure you were okay, and you could have another go. And another. And just one more for good measure. Lying on the ground trying to see if this time you did break something wasn’t a strange thing after today. Hell it happened at least every hour. But determining it as fine and getting on again, it felt like a lot.

You didn’t even realize it was getting late until the sky started turning orange. The normally so bright sun started becoming more yellow and stopped burning at your eyes. Instead it just seemed pretty. The clouds became yellow just like the sun, and the sky turned a bit darker with every passing minute. Yellow and orange were happy colours, maybe this was an good omen, maybe, just maybe, you wouldn’t think you’d die somewhere in a ditch. Bee would be proud to see you haven’t given up. You knew that for once.

“Time isn’t a real thing Mister Morgan, I swear.” You said looking at the sunset.

“Call me Arthur.” Said Arthur Morgan, though guy in the west in dire need of respect. Arthur “You call me mister Morgan boy” Morgan.

“Wait, did someone hide weed somewhere because this must be a hallucination! Can I really call you Arthur?”

“Wouldn't have said it otherwise boy.” He hissed, the mister Morgan just wouldn't leave Arthur.

“Well, Arthur, thank you. I’m happy I only have to say half the syllables now.”

“Shoar thing. Now let’s go back to camp before they send out a search party to see if you haven’t broken anything today.” He said jokingly

“I would never! I am obviously the best horse rider in the entire United states!” You said sarcastically, if you fake confidence long enough, it might become real.

Arthur laughed at that. “Well see about that boy. Now let’s go, we should be there soon considering you can ride now.”

“Of course, good plan. I can show off my skills now!”

“Shoar, go ahead boy. Don’t make your entrance too dramatic.”

“I will, I absolutely will. Oh and Arthur?”

“Hm?” He said, quite relaxed actually.

“Thank you, for everything today. I’m happy you let me bother you today.” You said with a proud smile.

“You’re welcome boy. Bother me all you want, we ain’t getting rid of you just yet.” He said as he ruffled your hair a bit. “Now let’s go home, I’m realll hungry.”

You absolutely couldn’t hide the smile on your face. “Hell yeah, I’m starving.” You said as you kicked the stirrups making Wasp move, you rode to camp in the beautiful orange sky. Maybe he did actually care about you, just a little.

Reblogs and comments are always appreciated!

[hawksugarbaby]

Kirishima x reader- Freezer burn

Fluff

Quirk info: you have fire breath, you're always too warm because there's literally fire inside of our body. It also means when people are close to you they're really warm to, you're pretty much a radiator.

"Bro... (y/n) is eating a popsicle" Kaminari muttered to Kirishima who was unable to peel his eyes away from you no matter hoe hard he tried. "I know bro" is it wrong to be looking at her like this, I can't look away she was just perfect and- *crunch*

The boys watched in horror as you bit off the top of the popsicle and there was a very audible screech from the middle of the courtyard you and your classmates were in. you thought someone was hurt so you instinctively whipped your head around to see where the noise came from but instead, you saw sero and kaminari dragging Kirishima away to the door with bakugo holding the door open and signalling like a marshaller to hurry up and get him out of the courtyard. You shrugged and continued to much on your popsicle and made a mental note to ask Kirishima about it later.

Kaminari sat him on the couch and sat down next to him and handed him a water bottle. Bakugo knew something needed to be done, he wouldn't sit there and let his friend suffer, he stormed up to the boys and stood in front of them "OI, you need to fucking get it together shitty hair. You might as well just ask her to suck your dick dude" Kirishima choked on his water, most of it landing on his vest "BRO! I- I don't want that I just want her to... be my girlfriend and stuff you know" he said rubbing behind his neck in embarrassment "hey if it makes you feel better, think of how todoroki feels, midoriya's wearing leggings and I'm pretty sure he deepthroated that popsicle" he said though not really helping the conversation. "Why can't I just be normal around her?" he asked burying his head in his hands "just fucking go back outside and be yourself" bakugo reasoned, this time with some much better advice.

While this conversation went on inside the house you realised it was getting hotter, originally you had come outside in a white bodysuit and (f/c) shorts and a hoodie. to begin with, you had sandles on, but you had to take those off, your hoodie was who knows where and you were standing in the fountain as if it was a waterfall accepting the fact that you were being drenched with cold water, but you were still too hot. You had been through at least 4 popsicles so far, todoroki had already tried to help as much as he could but to no avail and as the sun climbed higher into the sky the temperature went up also.

"Fuck this" you shouted and ran back into the dorm not realising that your white bodysuit was pretty much see-through by now. You sprinted past the boys on the couch to the kitchen and there it was your lord and saviour... the freezer. You wandered round to the commons and asked, "hey who wants to help me get in the freezer?" they looked at you with confusion and 3/4 boys looked in the other direction while Kirishima turned the colour of his hair "d-do you want t-to change your t-shirt first?" he asked and you looked down realizing everyone could see what was underneath your top "oh no I'm wearing a bra how unfortunate, Kiri help me get in the freezer!" you said pulling him up from the couch and dragging him to the kitchen "(y/n), no I mean if your shirt's wet and you're in the freezer you'll get hypothermia" he pointed out, even though that certainly wasn't what he meant but he didn't want to be rude.

You stopped realizing he had a good point "then I'll just take it off?" you said and walked towards the closest bathroom "NO (Y/N) THAT'S NOT MUCH BETTER" he shouted after you making you stop again, he looked around for a better idea and suddenly a small lightbulb appeared above his head (in his mind) "here take my vest" he said pulling it over his head and handing it to you, he had no issue showing his abs off. Your face lit up red at the sight of his gorgeous body and you took the vest and sped toward the bathroom.

You came back with his vest on which covered your shorts since you were a fair bit shorter than him and... another popsicle? "Where did you even get that!" Kirishima asked questioning how you could have got a popsicle "hun I keep popsicles all over the dorms, I'm not going to suffer if it's a hot day" you said continuing to suck on the (f/f) popsicle not realising what it looked like to him. "Um (y/n), d-did you take your bra off?" he asked noticing there was no band showing at the back of the vest (y' know how you get those vests with the really deep backs?) "well yeah that was wet too so it just made sense," you said, making a good point 'okay Kirishima calm down. Your crush is wearing your vest, without a bra, and eating a popsicle... I wonder how far- NO'

The brilliant thing about the freezers in your dorm was how big and empty they were, you were teenagers, after all, you weren't going to put very much effort into making food so that freezer was never more than a quarter full. "So what's our gameplan here?" he asked looking in the freezer and putting down a blanket to make it slightly more comfortable for you "lift me up, and put me in the freezer, but leave the top open so I can breathe," you told him the plan and he nodded "okay 3, 2, 1, go," you said and clutched to your boxes of popsicles. he picked you up by the waist and placed you in the freezer and you sat down taking in the cold air, he looked over the side and smiled "care to join me kiri?" you asked patting the spot next to you, he thought for the second and his conclusion was, what's the worst that could happen? He vaulted over the side and landed like a gymnast in the freezer and sat down next to you.

You both sighed and shut your eyes letting the cool air surround you. The good part was that neither of you would absolutely freeze because you yourself were always too hot anyway, and you kept Kirishima warm also.

"why did you get dragged out of the courtyard earlier?" you asked checking off your mental note to ask about it and sitting in the freezer together seemed like the perfect time to ask about it "o-oh um there was- there was a wasp" he said lying through his pointy teeth. you unwrapped another popsicle and shook your head "the manly red riot is scared of wasps?" you asked offering him a popsicle that he pushed away, the way you said his hero name sounded so much better than the way he did "uh, yeah just. Don't like them. Too buzzy" "but you're fine with bees?" he looked at you with surprise, how did you know he liked bees? "I never said I liked bees" he pointed out and you laughed "Kiri yesterday you went out into the courtyard specifically to, and I quote 'water the flowers so the bees are happy'" you said remembering him walking around in a short-sleeved flannel with a silver watering can "how do you know what I said?"

you didn't feel like telling him you got distracted from your studying because he was taking care of the bees so instead you changed the subject slightly "it's the popsicle isn't it," you asked pointing to him with the frozen goodness in your hand "w-what gives you that idea?" he asked looking away "hm just something about how you keep looking at me when I eat one and you grimace every time I bite it?" you point out looking at him even though he wouldn't look back, no answer "if you want me to suck your dick just ask dude" "WHAT" you laughed at his response and it took you a minute to calm down "I'm kidding I'm kidding," you told him and he let out a sigh of relief.

"Yeah it's the popsicle," he said folding his arms across his chest "you could've just told me how you felt dummy. You know that right" you said poking his cheek with the newest popsicle stick "well (y/n)... I like you like I really like you like I want you to be my girlfriend kind of like you" he said confidently. "I like you too, and I will happily be your girlfriend," you told him and leaned your head on his shoulder "you're really hot" "why thank you" you laughed knowing that wasn't exactly what he meant but the compliment still stood.

BONUS CONTENT

"So how far down can you-" "KIRI!" a silence fell between you "...Full thing" and he looked at you with surprise "wanna see?" "YES"

Part 2 here

[generic-hufflepuff1]

My Tma favorites (per entity per season)

In honor of the finale of Tma, I'm looking back and going through the seasons and picking out my favorite episodes. I'm sorting them by entity and Im gonna write a little piece at the end of each fear as to why I picked that episode.  It is relatively spoiler free but still keep your wits about you.  

Also this is only up to Mag 197

The Stranger

Season 1: 1 Anglerfish tied with 34 Anatomy Class 

Season 2: 77 The Kind Mother

Season 3: 83 Drawing a Blank, with 96 Return to Sender as a close second

Season 4: 128 heavy Goods

Season 5: 182 Well being, but 165 Revolutions is very very good

Overall: 1 Anglerfish

So all the of The Strangers’ episodes are really evocative and well written and I have to say that it was a very, very close call for almost every single season and I still cannot really decide if I truly like Mag 1 more than Mag 34 but I have to say that Mag 1 is so very good at drawing you into the world and works as a stand alone piece.  

The Buried

Season 1: 2 Do Not Open

Season 2: 66 Held In Customs

Season 3: 97 We all Ignore the Pit

Season 4: 132 Entombed

Season 5: 184 Like Ants

Overall: 2 Do Not Open

I love Mag 2 as the protagonist straight up did not have any of this bullshit.  And they even got a mike drop moment with the frozen key.  Like in this house we stan Joshua Gillespie.  His determination to not have to deal with that shit is so incredibly strong that it sticks with you.  

The Web

Season 1: 16 Aracnopobia

Season 2: 69 Thought for the Day

Season 3: 81 A Guest for Mister Spider

Season 4: 136 The Puppeteer 

Season 5: 172 Strung Out

Overall: 81 A Guest for Mister Spider 

Honestly Mag 81 is absolutely brilliant and serves to contextualise so much of season 1 and 2 and ends up being incredibly important to the world as a whole.  That plus the delivery and excellent premise gives it a slight edge over Mag 172 that is a pure exploration of the controlling and manipulative nature of addiction

The Vast

Season 1: 21 Freefall

Season 2: 75 A Long Way Down

Season 3: 91 The Coming Storm

Season 4: 124 Left Hanging

Season 5: 174 The Great Beast

Overall: 174 The Great Beast

So the first half of season 5 does an amazing job of truely fleshing out each fear and the Vast is no exception.  The split between the two protagonists makes it clear that The Vast is not just about big things or empty space but deep existentialism and the fear of the inevitability of life.  

The Spiral

Season 1: 26 A Distortion

Season 2: 74 Fatigue

Season 3: 85 Upon the Stair

Season 4: 126 Sculptors Tool

Season 5: 177 Wonderland, tied with 187 Checking Out

Overall: 187 Checking Out

This one was difficult as Mag 177 and Mag 187 as both of them lingered in my head for literal weeks after listening to them.  In the end Mag 187 was so completely mind boggling in how it completely changed my perception of the Distortion.  And is a masterclass in writing a character twist.  

The End

Season 1: 29 Cheating Death

Season 2: 70 Book of the Dead

Season 3: 94 Dead Woman Walking

Season 4: 155 The Cost of Living

Season 5: 168 Roots

Overall: 168 Roots

I have quite literally experienced some version of what the victims are describing.  But more than that the realisation of the implications of this domain for the world as it elevates the episode much higher than any of the Ends other appearances as eventually the other entities will fear the End just as the mortals do.  

The Flesh

Season 1: 14 Piecemeal

Season 2: 58 Trail Rations

Season 3: 90 Body Builder

Season 4: 131 Flesh

Season 5: 171 The Gardener

Overall: 171 The Gardener

Everything about Mag 171 just speaks to me.  From the visual it conjures, to the brilliant use of botany metaphor to describe various body image issues, to Jared’s simple but weighty request.  This episode lives rent free in my brain at all times.  This is the first time that I have zero contenders for my favorite of an entity.  

The Corruption

Season 1: 32 Hive

Season 2: 68 The Tale of a Field Hospital

Season 3: 102 Nesting Instinct

Season 4: 153 Love Bombing

Season 5: 164 The Sick Village

Overall: 32 Hive

Although Mag 164 does have a very particular place in my heart and in the history of literature due to its topic and the precise time it came out, but it does pale compared to just how brilliant Mag 32 is.   As the first real mention of the entities it reveals just little enough to keep the suspense whilst providing just enough answers that it's obvious in hindsight.  But once more none of that matters in the face of “There is a wasps nest in my attic” the shere delivery of this episode has placed it in many people's favourite lists.  

The Slaughter

Season 1: 7 The Piper

Season 2: 42 Grifter’s Bone

Season 3: 105 Total War

Season 4: 125 Civilian Casualties

Season 5: 163 In the Trenches 

Overall: 42 Grifter’s Bone

Mag 42 is very interesting.  I’ve mentioned in some of my other posts that Im pretty sure that Jonny Sims finds some fears harder to write and the Slaughter is definitely one of them but I’ve only come to this conclusion by looking at how frequently they show up but listening to the show you would never be able to tell and Mag 42 is one brilliant example of this it is a brilliant way to expand on how the Slaughter manifests.  

The Desolation

Season 1: 37 Burnt Offering

Season 2: 67 Burning Desire

Season 3: 89 Twice as Bright

Season 4: 139 Chosen

Season 5: 169 Fire Escape

Overall: 67 Burning Desire

I find Mag 67 so intensely interesting as it leads into one of the major themes of Tma, that love can and will defeat and overpower even the most gripping fear.  The simple love of a simple man sowed just enough doubt to destroy an avatar of destruction.  Tma is filled with similar moments but personally this one is my favourite.  

The Dark

Season 1: 25 Growing Dark

Season 2: 63 The End of the Tunnel

Season 3: 86 Tucked In

Season 4: 143 The Heart of Darkness

Season 5: 173 Night Night

Overall: 173 Night Night

I remember the reaction to Mag 173.  It was so incredibly powerful to watch most of the fanbase (myself included) react in exactly the same way the characters did to the reality of this domain.  First with dawning realisation, then anger followed sudden confusion at where to direct that anger.  It was quite eye opening to say the least.  

The Hunt

Season 1: 10 Vampire Killer, with notable mention to 31 First Hunt

Season 2: 56 Children of the Night

Season 3: 112 Thrill of the Chase

Season 4: 133 Dead Horse

Season 5: 176 Blood Ties

Overall: 112 Thrill of the Chase

I absolutely love Mag 112.  It is such a brilliant idea, and as a result I end up valuing it a bit more than Mag 133 or 10 which are particularly telling for me as it proves that the Hunt is weirdly the fairest of the entities and absolutely condones fighting back and even killing its avatars or that it just cares about the circular nature of the hunt.  

The Eye

Season 1: 23 Schwartzwald

Season 2: 53 Crusader

Season 3: 82 The Eyewitnesses

Season 4: 138 The Architecture of Fear

Season 5: 183 The Monument

Overall: 138 The Architecture of Fear

Oh Smirke.  Poor naive and enlightened Smirke.  I love Mag 138 more than the other Eye related episodes because it is due to this character that we even have a metric through which to observe the world of tma

The Lonely

Season 1: 33 Boatswain’s Call

Season 2: 48 lost in the Crowd

Season 3: 92 Nothing Besides Remains

Season 4: 159 The Last

Season 5: 170 Recollection

Overall: 170 Recollection

Covid lockdown hit me quite hard and I have not seen a single piece of media that captures the feeling of having hours and days drift into each other quite like Mag 170 so along with Mag 164 it has a very strange place in my heart.  

The Extinction

So this one is a bit of a different situation so im gonna simply list my top five in order

175 Epoch

149 Concrete Jungle

65 Binary

157 Rotten Core

156 Reflection

Mag 175 is another example of a statement that my mind will drift to if I leave it alone for too long.  From the vivid visuals to the subtext of the descriptions to the delivery of every line it is easily one of the best episodes of Tma in my personal opinion. 

[feeling-weirdy]

Bidding For Attention Pt. 1

AU request from @carouselunique and her friend <3

Tony has a bachelor auction and Hope Van Dyne bids on Vision to upset her dad for fun and then Hope and Vision hit it off and keep hanging out which makes Wanda realize her feelings for him have changed.

Part 2 coming soon <3

"And our next Avenge-A-Bachelor is one I know many a lady have has their eye on...the one, the only, accessories included, The Vision!"  Microphone in hand and with a long swipe of his hand, Tony introduced the synthezoid who stood begrudgingly beside him.

Vision stood stale-faced, eager for this night to end. He had unwittingly been roped into this Win A Date With An Avenger charity auction or whatever Mr. Stark had coined the event.  He had preferred to skip the experience altogether, but apparently Stark had other ideas.  Dressed him head to toe in one of his old suits and placed him in front of this crowd that looked none too pleased or willing to bid on a mechanical man.�� Had he been human, this little charade would cause embarrassment.

Things had been going well with Wanda, yet despite his desire to move their relationship further, Wanda seemed hesitant.  Even in the crowd, she avoided his eye contact, happily keeping her attention glue to Miss Romanoff beside her.

Mr. Stark wouldn’t have heard his pleas even had he tried to explain the situation.  It was all “for the children” or whatever creed they had decided on.  Vision cared little for this type of charity.  They were superheroes, not dolls.

“Oh, come on ladies!”  Mr. Stark egged them on.  “Who wouldn’t want their own personal vibrator, eh?”  He laughed, tightening his face when he glanced over in Vision’s direction who was not amused by the comment.  Yet again, his thankfulness for being anything but human knew no bounds.

The crowd was silent, nervous glances shot back and forth.  The only chatting came from Wanda’s table, who was still thrilled at the conversation she was sharing with the others who surrounded her.

"$500.”  A woman’s voice rang out above the others.  The bright lights in his eyes shielded her face, but he was certain her voice sounded familiar.

“Coming in with a bid.  Way to go, big guy.”  Stark smacked Vision’s shoulder, once again receiving a look in response.  “Any others?  Once, Twice, sold to Miss Hope Van Dyne, our very own The Wasp.  Be careful with him now, might need to keep the oil handy.”

Vision quickly disappeared behind the curtain, anxious to be free from the prying eyes of the attendees.  He had heard of Miss Van Dyne before, but he was certain they had never interacted before.  Mr. Stark kept ample tabs on everyone he deemed entertaining, so he had certainly gone through her file as he studied his comrades.

With a heavy sigh, Vision made his way down the stairs, ignoring the comments thrown his way by those tending the curtain.  He just wanted to get this date over with and be done with the whole event.

Hope stood waiting for him in the corner once the bidding came to a close. 

“You’re...Vision, right?”  Hope trailed off, her eyes narrowing.  It had clearly been a formality after spending so much on a date with him.  She had to have known exactly who he was.

“Indeed,” Vision answered respectfully.  “It’s a pleasure.”

“Great.  I hope you don’t mind.  I honestly could just use someone to help get back at my dad.  Plus you looked upset.”  She frowned, pouting playfully up at him as she looked around at the guests that had suddenly started to crowd around them.  Several women with their awarded dates had already begun pulling them out the door and none of the Avengers looked all too thrilled by the arrangement that Mr. Stark had set up for them.  Even more so as he mysteriously wasn’t on the docket himself.

“Hardly.”

“One word kinda guy, huh?  Great...great.”  She nodded her head, her eyes scanning the crowd.  “Well, I did pay for a date.  If you’re happy to go ahead and do that now, that’ll help ease some stress.  I don’t know, you just looked like someone I could talk to that wasn’t some stuck-up asshole like your friend over there.”

Hope nodded toward Tony who was shaking hands and continuing his inappropriate comments towards each of the bachelors he had auctioned off.  They had put together a solid amount of money, with himself being the lowest bid.  The concept being utterly ridiculous seeing as how his pinky finger cost more than 10x times the amount they raised during the event.

“It is interesting that he did not put himself up for auction with his ego.  Though I would assume Miss Potts had more to do with that than some may realize,” Vision chuckled.  He caught Wanda’s eye as he scanned the room, though she quickly turned away upon the occurrence.  Vision frowned, turning his attention back to his supposed date. 

“You’re right about that.  He seems pretty wrapped around her finger.”  Hope folded her arms, her eyes focusing in on the couple who had somehow made their way back onto the stage to perform their next bickering act.

“You have no idea.”  Vision took a deep breath, a light chuckle escaping him as he smiled down at her.  “Well, Miss Van Dyne, shall we be off?”

“Please call me Hope.  That just sounds like a mouthful and it gets old fast,” she scoffed.  “I’d much prefer we be on a first name basis with you, if that’s alright.”

“Very well...Hope.“  Sliding her hand into his outstretched arm, she smiled up at him.  “This actually gives me the perfect opportunity to pick your mind.”

“Oh?”  Her eyebrow raised a grin spreading along her face as he began to pull her down the hallway.

“Your suit is absolutely fascinating.  I was told you and your father crafted the shrinking technology used in both your suit and The Ant-Man, is that correct?”  

“We certainly did.  And here I was worried we’d have nothing to talk about.”

-------

Wanda leaned forward, trying to keep the two in her line of sight for as long as possible.  Once they turned the corner, however, Vision and Hope disappeared.

“They hardly know each other and she’s already hanging all over him.”  Wanda frowned, turning back around in her seat with a huff.

“Doll, I don’t know what to tell you,” Natasha started, twirling the straw around in her drink.  “You could have bid on him if you were going to be this torn up about it.”

“Yeah, but then we’d have to actually go on a date...”  Wanda huffed, pushing up against the back of her chair as she nibbled on her bottom lip.  She hadn’t expected to be so worried about this.  She knew full well this was going to happen the moment Tony brought it up, so what the hell was wrong with her?

“That is kind of the point.”  Raising the glass to her lips, Nat tried to hold a steady conversation with her, but even Wanda could see that her mind had been elsewhere.

“It’s just not that simple.”

“Seems simple enough, but that’s on you.”  Standing up, Natasha gave Wanda a pat on the shoulder.  “You sit here and wallow, I have my own fish to fry.”  Wanda watched as she disappeared in the crowd, the swagger in her step telling the young witch all she needed to know.  She had her own date.

“Good luck...”  She stated reluctantly.  Wanda sighed, her eyes peeking back toward the corridor where the pair had disappeared.  She hadn’t expected anyone to actually bid on him, hoping desperately that they would go home together and could spend another gabbing about whatever they could think of.  It was her own damn fault, really.  She could have easily won that time with him and since she hadn’t, she would have to suffer the consequences.

Consequences sucked.

Wanda pushed herself to her feet, taking one last sip of her drink as she turned to make her way out of the event hall.  Bidders and their Avenger dates had been paired off, as if she needed anything else to cause her any more pain.

The men had all dressed up nice for their dates, their nerves easily seen even from this distance, but the girls who bid on them didn’t care.  It wasn’t every day that they got a date with an Avenger and who could blame them?  

“Hey...”  Clint stopped her, grabbing her wrist suddenly.  “You heading out already?  There’s a whole lot of party left.”

“Y-yeah.  I should really be getting back.  I think I’d just put a damper on the party if I stuck around, so...”

“Well...if that’s what you want.  I can walk you back to the compound if you’d like.”

“Pretty sure you have your own date to tend to.”  Wanda winked, nodding back towards the table with the brown-headed woman.  She seemed eager to have Clint come back to the table as she ran her tongue along the toothpick to the two olives that were speared on the other end.  The woman kept constant eye contact with Clint, a move that clearly worked as he found himself unable to look away.  “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do,” Wanda chuckled, leaving him behind to fend for himself.

Wanda walked out, slowly making her way back to the compound on her own two feet.  While flying would have been the preferred option, the cool night breeze ran along her skin in a way that teased and clouded her mind.  It gave her the perfect opportunity to take her time getting back home, allowing her mind to wander and think about the relationship she had formed with Vision.  

Clearly, whatever they shared between the two of them had blossomed in some way, but she was scared, worried that was going on between them would shatter at the first opportunity.  Just as it had time and time again throughout her lifetime.

Making her way into the front door, she stopped in the kitchen to pour herself a cup of coffee.  Why was she so bothered by the fact that he had a date with her?  He didn’t even know her.  It wasn’t like they were going to form some romantic connection within the past hour they had spent together.  It didn’t make sense.  Raising the cup to her lips, she allowed the hot liquid to slide down her throat.  Regardless of how she tried to swallow her feelings and push the notion that nothing was going to happen out of her mind, the thought remained.

Vision was charming, sweet, and almost other-worldly in the way he spoke to you…any woman would be a fool to pass up that kind of opportunity.  

Her hand fell, resting the cup back on the table as she stared off into the vast windows on the other side of the room.  Wanda’s mind had wandered so far off that she didn’t even hear Vision’s light chuckle from the other side of the door.  She froze hearing the woman’s laugh following swiftly behind his.

“It’s just absolutely fascinating to me just how much you were able to accomplish,” Vision prattled on, completely engrossed in their conversation.

“Yes well, someone had to pick up the slack from my father.  He was certainly able to put together the foundation, but the rest was practically up to me.”  Hope genuine excitement seemed to flow out of her as she continued their conversation as they entered the room, the woman still latched onto his arm.  Hope’s eyes widened upon catching her standing silently in the bathroom.  “Oh, hi there!”

“Hello,” Wanda responded quietly, taking another sip of the cup she daintily held between her fingers.  Her eyes unintentionally shot up to Vision, offering him a small smile which he returned wholeheartedly.

“Hi...”  Vision’s voice fell, his eyes softening as they locked eyes for the first time since she could remember.  She had tried so desperately to stay out of his way during the event, that she had nearly forgotten that they hadn’t spoken.

Rather than answer, Wanda pursed her lips, her eyes falling back down to her cup.  

Check out my other drabbles here or feel free to request some!

[jaeminscoffee]

Nemesis (m.)

Nemesis- a formidable rival or opponent.

Pairing- Seo Johnny x reader

Genre- Smut.

Word count- 3.68k (these just keep getting longer)

Warnings- rough sex (is it a Lyra smut if this isn't included), edging, thigh riding, oral (m receiving), size kink, masochism, unprotected sex, begging, Johnny is cocky af. Could be more but i have no clue pfft.

Summary- From your local club, you find yourself in Johnny's bed

You hated Johnny. No, let's rephrase that. 

You hated Johnny's guts. Having him around always made you the second spotlight of the performance. Doesn't matter where, wherever Johnny goes, people swoon over him like a bunch of wasps. Granted, He's got everything a girl could ask for. Looks, attitude, sweet talks, money, body, you name it. 

You had them all too, but Johnny's popularity made you the centre of attention, that is, after him. 

You would've been fine with that if it weren't for his tauntings. He's inevitable. He's everywhere you go. 

You, till date don't know what the universe has against you, but the pair of you got accepted into the same university, the same company, even the same branch. There too, you're the second, Johnny's the ace. 

So having had to hear 'Johnny this' 'Johnny that' 'oh look Johnny's this' had you fuming by the weekend. And here, you've found yourself in the club, two of your girlfriends beside you, trying to calm your about to erupt veins. 

You felt a little free here, maybe even conceited. No Johnny, you had the spotlight. Oh and you knew it. You'd specially picked out your best club outfit, low cut v-neck, the black fabric barely reaching down your ass, tight fitting, highlighting all of your best features. 

Eyes followed every single move of your body as you vibe on the dance floor, letting loose of all previous tension. With your friends beside you, rooting for you, it was perfect. 

It was only after you'd worn yourselves out, you walk towards the bar, each sitting on one of the bar stools, ordering a drink, you hear your friend's fangirl over some guy or girl, could be any them. You down shots after shots, not paying attention to your surroundings feeling way better than you'd felt the entire week. 

"Yo, he just winked in our direction" Stella said from beside you, continuously hitting your arm as you slightly shove her to the side, "One of us is gonna get some action today and i hope it's Y/n" Lola exclaimed, wriggling her eyebrows at you. 

You give her disgusted glare, chuckling as she kept going with her eyebrows. 

"Eesh" you rasp out, feeling the alcohol start to burn your throat. "Why would you even want that" you inquire, Lola turned towards you dramatically, placing her hand on your shoulder, "Because, you look like a sad hot mess, darling. That can't do" she stated, "Agreed" Stella remarked, eyes still undressing the guy she previously mentioned, maybe even the other guys in the room.

"What? No? I look fine?" you say, more like questioning yourself. "you look fine as fuck and sad. So stop wasting yourself here and go get some" Lola retorted, patting your back and then mixing herself up with the crowd. 

"Yeah you see Y/n? I think this guy's absolutely perfect for you" Stella said, once the both of you stood up to go up to the dance floor again. "Which one?" you ask, eyeing the entire place quick, not actually caring. 

She smiled sweetly at you, turning you around, and pushing you with all the force she could muster up. 

"What the fuck-" you exclaim, feeling your body collide with someone. "-That one, babe, have fun!" she said in a singsong voice, joining Lola. 

"I'm sorry-" you look up to the body you just crashed with, feeling yourself turn solid from spite. Why does he appear every fucking where?

"Johnny." you sneered, pulling yourself out of his grip, dusting invisible lint from your dress. The lad in front of you did nothing but smirk, taking your hand in his and bringing it up to his lips, placing a soft kiss there, taking you off guard. "Y/n." he responded. 

As much as you hated him, you felt yourself drowning in his honey eyes, the party lights in the club making him look ethereal, pulling you out of your facade for a second, before you step out of it, glaring at him again. "Here alone?" he inquired. 

"None of your business" you said, comically as he'd have clearly seen you with two other girls. 

"I see, What got you here?" he further asked. 

"None of your fucking business." you hiss. Johnny let out an airy chuckle, "Aren't you in a bad mood" he asked. "Does that have anything to do with you" you ask through gritted teeth. 

"Practically, no. But I need to make sure if my runners-up is doing fine or not" he said, double tapping your cheeks with his palm. You felt the coldness you previously had melt down, replacing it with nothing more than pure hatred and annoyance. 

"Fuck you, Seo." you reply in a tight voice. "Oh, she's getting annoyed, isn't she?" he said, voice teasing clearly trying to get up your nerves. 

"No." you retort, turning back wanting nothing but to leave the room in order to not breathe the same air as Johnny. "Really, doll?" Johnny asked, bending down to look at you straight in the eye. It felt intriguing, you were drawn to his gaze, trying to break out but to no avail. You look away, clearing your throat, looking back at him. "Yes." you say. Johnny walked closer, "Say.. Does my presence annoy you?" he inquired, obviously knowing the answer, "Yes.." You said, lowly due to the proximity. 

"Then why aren't you walking away?" he asked, you let out a sigh, knowing even if you want to walk away, your friends won't take that well. "Because I can't," you reply, gesturing at your two friends standing still, watching your exchange of words. He looked at them, then back at you with a smirk on his face. 

"I see. That's good. Because I've been dying to tell you this one thing" he moved closer, pushing your hair back, pulling you close by the waist, leaning into your ears, 

"I've got this strong urge to rip that dress and fuck your attitude out of you." 

-x-

That's how after a 10 minute ride, you find yourself, flat against Johnny's wall, hands on either side of your face as the lad didn't fail to explore even one corner of your mouth. 

Maybe it was the alcohol in your system, he looked extremely appealing. That sentence he'd spoken had gotten you all weak in the knees, palms flat against his chest, as you immediately pressed your lips against his at the club. 

This was another thing you hated about him. He's just so fucking fine not even incubus or other sex gods could say no to anything he says. 

You try breaking away from his grip on your hands, wanting desperately to touch him, feel him. 

"Stop squirming." he said sternly, breaking the intense kiss having a string of saliva connect the lips still. His eyes roaming all over your body, technically eye fucking you. 

"Then let me fucking go" you roared, chest heaving from the previous make out, breathing in the air containing his manly musk. Johnny's head made his way towards the side of your face, nuzzling on the flesh before retorting to your earlobe, nibbling on it, you hear him hum. "Hm, why should i do that, doll?" his voice deep. 

"Do you need a fucking reason to let me go?" you ask, rubbing your thighs together, his height making you feel extremely small, turning you on incredibly. 

"If you want the dick better watch your attitude baby, i don't like brats." he replied, biting down on the skin of your neck, making you hiss slightly. 

"Does it seem like i care-ah!" you yelp, feeling yourself get lifted off the floor, you look at him. 

"Behave." he said slow, having the freedom of moving your hands now you immediately pulled his head closer to yours, locking his lips with yours, biting down on his bottom lips. 

He broke away first. Looking at you with nothing but shock and lust. 

"I get what i want, Seo. You don't tell me to behave" you remark, a smirk evident on your face. You hear him let out a chuckle as you felt yourself being thrown down onto the bed. "Not with me baby, you behave, you get what you want. Act like a fucking brat i won't hesitate to put you in your place." his eyes had gone dark, voice dangerously low. 

Johnny made his way towards the bed, shirt already disposed along with his black denim jacket, he eyed your spread our body, admiring each and every curve as you gawk at his toned middle, chest chiselled adding onto why Johnny Seo is oh so perfect. The anger you felt, turning into pure lust, desire of wanting nothing more than for him to ruin you. 

"Behave you say, well you're in for a long ride, Seo. I don't like behaving" you taunt, sending a wink in his direction, moving back the bed as he crawled forward towards you. 

His demeanor was intimidating as he stared down at you with his cold eyes catching your ankle stopping you from crawling further up.

"I shouldn't even give you anything with that attitude of yours, baby." he said, pulling his body over yours, placing hands on either sides of your face, weighing his body down in order to not crush your bones.

"You're saying that cause you know you can't satisfy my needs. Poor baby boy," you feign empathy, running the back of your fingers down his face slowly, feeling his jaws clench.

With one pull, he had himself seated towards the edge of the bed, with you on the floor in front of him, seated between his legs, looking down at the floor as you try calming yourself from the sudden movement.

You felt hands grip your hair, pulling it back, forcing you to look up into his eyes. They were now void of any emotion. It scared you the slightest, but you didn't show it.

"When i said behave. You should've fucking listened, brat." he said, voice dripping venom, making your clench your thighs together, the feeling of vulnerability and how small you felt, made you needier than intended. 

His grip on your hair wasn't soft, your roots felt like they'd detach any second, but you enjoyed every second of the pain. 

You open your mouth to make another cocky retort, when the force of the tug intensified. "Better shut your little mouth and put it for another use." he said, pulling you in closer, his pants discarded behind you as the red angry shaft his toned stomach, the red tip dripping precum making your mouth water, the knot in your lower abdomen tightening.

He looked at you with a demanding look, eyes narrowed as you look up at him, eyes basically begging. 

"Suck." is all it took, and you pounce at his member, earning a throaty groan from Johnny. You start at the tip, licking the slit, clearing of all the white substance there, then slowly wrapping your lips around the head, sucking in gently, wanting to tease him as much as possible. 

Johnny rested both his hands on your head, pulling the hair back in a makeshift ponytail, trying to push your head further down.

"Stop teasing or you'll j-just make it worse for yourse-fuck.." he couldn't complete his sentence as you lower down completely, almost till the base, before pulling away feeling the head hit the back of your throat, activating your gag reflex. 

Not letting you pull away fully, he pushed you back down, mouth open ajar, hitting your throat again, resulting in tears forming in your eyes. 

You bop your head up and down, "That's right baby, uh-" he inhaled sharply as you hollow your cheeks, sucking in too hard. 

You kept moving your head up and down, Johnny setting the pace with his hands still on your hair. You feel your jaws starting to hurt, neck starting to cramp a bit so you move your head faster, desperate to get him to his orgasm. But he had other plans. 

You reach out between his thighs, still sucking and licking on the shaft, hands palming his palms, causing him to jerk his hips forward. 

"Fuck Y/n stop" he tapped your cheeks as he felt his high approaching, but you didn't stop, rather you started bopping your heas faster, with more aggression.

"Ah! s-stop" he said, growing sensitive having his orgasm just by the doorstep. 

Seconds before reaching his high, he tore you away from his dick with a sharp pull, causing you to hiss in pain, and whine in desperation of wanting to taste him. 

You sat there still, wiping your mouth as drool had managed to escape amidst the blowjob while Johnny sat by the bed, looking at the floor trying to catch his breath. 

Once calm and normal, he looked up at you, eyes burning with anger and lust. 

He got up from the bed, while you stayed seated on the floor, making his way towards you with slow, agonizing steps.

"When i say stop.." he took a step forward, the anger in his eyes scaring you completely, making you crawl back. 

"You stop." he took another step forward, you moving backwards. 

"Then tell me. Why didn't you." he bellowed.

You stop your chest from heaving that fast, as he keeps moving forward, you soon find your back hit the wall, nowhere else to escape. 

"Because i didn't want to" you rasp out. 

Johnny took one large step forward, bending down, wrapping his fingers around your throat, standing up, pulling you by your neck, causing you to stand up along with him. 

"You are such a fucking brat.." he rasped out through grit teeth, jaw tense. 

He tightened the grip, moving closer as his figure towered yours, "You look so small, yet you have that attitude. Fucking respectable" he roared pulling you along and throwing you onto the bed the second time. You let out the breath you didn't know you holding in, eyes shut tight, opening once you regained the oxygen he'd cut off a few seconds away. 

Johnny moved up to you, pulling your body towards the edge, ripping your dress off your body, the material of your panties being ripped into two too, as you moan silently at his sudden aggression.

"You're so fucking wet, just like a good little slut. But nope she has to have a fucking attitude" he said, shoving two fingers straight into your core without a warning, causing you to scream. Your juices splattered around from the movement of his fingers, squelching noises produced by how wet you are as Johnny showed no signs in slowing down. 

"John oh!" you moan out. 

His fingers were knuckle deep inside you, curling and pumping in again, brushing the soft spot. You jerk forward, hips moving along his fingers as he pressed the pad of his thumb onto your clit, driving you closer towards the edge. "Mm fuck.. " your voice small, feeling yourself clench around his fingers at the thought of being completely in his mercy. And oh is he merciless. 

"Oh? You seem close, right, pretty doll?" he questioned. You were unable to answer as his fingers moved faster and faster, not able to form a comprehend able sentence only letting out lewd noises. 

His free hand came flat down on your clit, causing you to jerk forward, "Fucking answer me." he resumed playing with your clit. Your knuckles turned white from how hard you were gripping the sheets. "y-yes, i..oh fuck.. I am!" your face contort out of pleasure, feeling the orgasm just two steps away, immediately fading away as Johnny removed his fingers from in you. 

"Come on!" you cry out, feeling your high go further and further away. 

"Hm? What happened baby?" he said, face portraying fake sympathy. 

"Johnny, I was so close!" you let out a sob, unknown to the fact that tears had started falling. You hear him let out laugh, "Yeah you made that clear, didn't know your pussy that strong" he replied, removing the last piece of clothing article from your body, both of your bodies covered in sweat, glistening the light reflecting from the window. 

"Johnny.. Please" you desperately try voicing out, wanting nothing more than a release. "oh she can beg! Pleasant surprise" he marveled. "Say, will you behave?" he asked, eyes narrowed looking at you as you let out a chain of sobs. 

"No if you can't make me fucking cum-" you scream out before being able to complete the sentence, his fingers shoved back into you. 

You were sensitive, shitless, your walls hurt and your orgasm denial was still fresh. "So being treated as a slut it is." he grunted, moving his fingers in an inhumanly pace, his other hand over your waist, holding you down flat onto the sheets as you grip that hand in a tight hold. 

"Oh fuck.." your breathing fastened, feeling the previous orgasm come back to life. 

"you look so fucking good, so small, so desperate for me" Johnny added pressure back onto your clit, rubbing fast circles. 

"Ah!" you yelp when you feel him add a third fingering, curling and twisting inside of you, as you feel yourself reaching your high. You let a cry, orgasm almost there, but one last shove and he removed his finger, leaving your core desperate and pulsating. 

"Johnny please!" you cry out louder, tears pouring down your cheeks faster as you grip onto his hands. He looked at you with a smirk on his face. 

"Want to cum?" he asked, shoving his fingers into his mouth, licking your juices off of it. 

"Yes! Oh yes please!" you reply, nodding your head frantically. 

Johnny acted as though he was thinking for a while, "Well.." he started. 

"You gotta work for it babe" he placed a kiss on the inside of your thigh. "So. Be a good little girl and beg for my dick." he said, seeing you all fucked up, hair all over the place, lipstick smudge, tears running down your face and so small, vulnerable yet you looked gorgeous. 

Now you see, all the rationality you'd previously had was all thrown out the window. You wanted the release. You needed that release. 

"Please, please fuck me Johnny, i promise I'll be a good girl! Just.. Please put your dick inside me, I swear I feel good!" you cry out, spreading your legs further open, as he sees your core glistening. Johnny let out a low growl, wasting not a second, holding you by your hip as you aligned himself by your entrance, the tip poking in. 

He looked at you, seeing you stare back at him, and kept his eyes on you as he pushed in all the way, watching your face contort out of pleasure and maybe the slightest mix of pain. 

"You're fucking right, princess-" he started, pulling his member out completely, before shoving it in, you scream, extremely sensitive but nothing you couldn't take.

"You feel extremely good. So fucking tight" his pace was fast, hips steady, no signs of it going sloppy anytime soon. Your orgasm was fast approaching, the build up begging you for it to be released, he pushed in further, leaning down and capturing your lips in a slow kiss in contrast to the pace of his hips. 

"Joh-n.. I'm g-gonna.. fuck!" you couldn't complete the sentence yet the message was delivered. "Let go baby, it's fine" he said, going faster, rubbing circles onto your clit to encourage your orgasm. 

You cum with a loud moan, clenching around him, trying to shut your legs close from the intensity of the orgasm, but his legs in between stopped you from doing that. 

Johnny slowed down for a movement to help you calm a bit but not stopping completely. Growing impatient as you take your own sweet time to calm down, he gripped your thigh from the bottom, lifting it up to let your leg dangle off his shoulder.

He started fast again, your clenching pulling him closer and closer towards the edge.

You pant heavily, "Johnny i can't.." sensitive from all the edging and the high that not even a second ago. Causing a faint pain in your core, getting you all worked up ready for your second orgasm again. 

Oh how you were a sucker for pain. 

"Yes you can. And you will" he said, going deeper, slowed to feel each and every inch of your inside, feeling you clench around him again. 

"Shit.." Johnny rasped out, feeling his high approaching from your constant pressure on his member.

He went faster, the only sounds in the room being those inhuman sounds coming from both of you, skin slapping and the sound of your wet core being pounded at. 

"Johnny!" your voice wobbly from all the cries and moans, clenching around him faster wanting him to cum faster and get this over with. 

"Fuck baby, scream my name again, I'm so, so close" his voice cracked, hips stuttering, but shoved into you powerfully once again. 

"Johnny, ah!" your feeble voice screaming, your small cunt taking him this well, and your constant clenching pulled his last string. 

You felt him twitch inside of you, then seconds later his seeds coated the walls of your core, driving you to your second orgasm, as Johnny rode the two of you out of your high with his deep voice letting out gasps and groans. 

Johnny flopped down beside you panting from the action, the room smelled of sex. 

After a while of quietness filling the air, Johnny broke it first. 

"Well that was.. Something" his voice was more raspy than ever, as you gulp down the dryness from your throat. 

"Yeah.." you reply tiredly.

"Want to go for a second round and see who lasts longer this time?" Johnny let out jokingly with no actual intention of doing so. 

You turn to your side with a little bit of struggling, wrapping your hands around his torso as you pull your body closer to his.

"Just shut the fuck up and cuddle me"

[squishneedsahero]

Tillitsfull

The Earth Shaker

Part 5 of ?

Word Count: 1388

Loki x Reader

Just a 2012 style avengers fanfic that is Loki x Reader. Sometime you just need cute fluff that is absolutely nothing more than self indulgence.

Five of your friends agreeing to give Loki a chance is more than enough for you, you take off running to the room he's kept in and excited telling him that he can come out for a while. You're so excited, bouncing on the balls of your feet as you tell the one you still considered your best friend. "Do you want too?" you finally ask Loki.

Loki is quiet, getting up and walking to face you through the glass, a neutral look on his face. He looks at you, a million thoughts going through his own mind, you hadn't changed a bit in 700 years. You truly did still trust him, just an hour ago you had told him you still wanted to love him, after knowing everything he had done you still didn't see him for the monster he was. He wants to tell you that you're an idiot, that you are a fool for ever having loved him. But he looks into your eyes, sees the joy on your face at this opportunity to let him out of here and he can't refuse, "of course." As much as he hated to admit it, as much as he had tried to keep hating you for the pain he had gone through when you had disappeared, he hadn't been able to bring himself to do so. You were still his one soft spot and after so long of pushing everyone away, of trying to take over both Asgard and Midgard, after killing hundreds of innocents, you didn't want to give up on him.

The smile on your face only grows larger when he agrees, you quickly go to unlock the door and let him out. When you aren't looking he lets a half-smile, smirk, come to his lips and he shakes his head. Once again you were making it extremely difficult for him to be mad at you or even think about betraying your trust to escape. Odin above he wanted to hate you for the pain you had caused him, the years of mourning he had gone through, thinking you had betrayed him then died, but it was next to impossible. It was especially difficult considering the fact that your story of why you'd disappeared was nothing but truthful, you'd attacked Odin for the pain he'd caused him.

He turns to look at you as the door opens, as soon as it's open you offer him your hand to take. When he hesitates to take it you realize what you're doing and quickly use your hand to wave him out of the cell before dropping it to your side. "Are you coming or not?" You ask playfully.

"Are you sure this is smart?" He questions, "after everything I have done you're just going to let me out of here like that? With no back up," his voice lowers to a growl, "you're more of an idiot than I thought."

You only tilt your head as you give him a deadpanned look, "really? Loki, I'm a dumbass but I know you." Automatically your hand reaches up to cup his cheek, "lashing out at me, calling me an idiot and yourself a monster, you've done that same thing for years and it has yet to work. Just like when we were kids, I'm not leaving unless you can actually say the words that you want me to leave you and never come back."

Your reaction catches him off guard, the same stubborn dumbass you'd always been, this was the first time in over a year he'd been close to anyone. Here you were standing inches away from him, showing no fear or disgust even knowing everything he was. He finds himself looking into your eyes, he's taken back to all those times as teens when you'd been in similar positions, hidden in alcoves. He finds himself doing what he had done all of those times, he brings his hand up to your cheek and leans down to press a kiss to your lips.

It's your turn to be in shock when he kisses you, and you're about to kiss him back when he pulls away. You take a look at his face before shaking your head, "you idiot, don't you remember like an hour ago when I professed my love to you?" With that you pull him back down to you and kiss him, it's short, but you just want to reassure him.

You shake your head and take his hand, "now come on, Clint already accused me of just wanting to let you out because I'm horny and I need them to know that is not the case." With that you drag him after you back to the sitting area with the others.

"Oh look who's going to join us, none other than the one who tried to name himself king."

"Brother!" Thor says and pulls Loki into an unwilling hug.

"Clint, shut it, he's been behaving but I won't promise anything if you provoke him. You'd probably be safer going and shooting a wasp nest," you respond to Clint's sarcastic comment before rescuing Loki from the bone crushing hug.

"Didn't you promise that he'd behave?" Tony questions you.

"I did promise that, but I didn't promise anything about myself and if you provoke him when he hasn't done anything I'll have good reason to toss you out that window. You need to give him a chance."

"Says the one who's wanted nothing more than to go in that cell with him since he got here," Clint retorts. Odin above it wasn't often that he and Tony got along but when they did it was exhausting.

You open your mouth again but Steve interrupts, "just give him a chance, I agree with y/n on the fact that if you provoke him it isn't really a fair chance, even if throwing you out a window is a bit extreme." You look at him and incline your head gratefully before taking Loki with you over to the empty couch.

This becomes a normal thing, you getting Loki out to sit with the other Avengers for once a day. Slowly you extend the time that he spends out of that tiny cell, making it longer and longer, even if you don't spend most of the time with the others. You introduce him to the library, where the two of you spend most of your time, in silence as you read, it's perfect. Just enough time with the others that they begin to see what you do in him and enough time not with them that Loki can relax. The two of you don't talk about the fact that you had kissed or that you had proclaimed your love to him. It was a silent agreement that Loki wasn't ready for that even if he considered you his closest friend and still felt the same way.

As you spend time together you slowly let your guard down more and more, mostly testing out his boundaries. You don't want to invade his space but you're longing to be close to him, so you slowly begin sitting closer and closer to him. Then eventually you lean your head on his shoulder as you read.

He's hesitant about all of this but he doesn't push you away. He begins to realize exactly how much he had missed you and your touch. You'd always been able to get him to relax, the only one who got him out of his shell, the shell he used to protect himself from everyone else, somehow you knew how to get through to him.

Eventually he begins to relax as well, it starts with his head leaning against yours, then his arm around your shoulders. Finally the two of you end up sharing one of the oversized chairs and cuddling, rather than sitting in separate chairs. You sit in his lap and allow yourself to doze off one day when you'd returned from a mission, it's this act of trust that finally solidifies things in his mind, you truly do trust him and you truly weren't going anywhere. He lets himself do something he had been wanting to do for a while, but he wraps his arms around you and presses a kiss to the top of your head.

[just-a-poor-boy-queen]

Alternate Universe requested by anon

The first thing Freddie noticed when he woke up was that he was wearing waders.

This was most peculiar. He never wore waders. The only person in Garden Lodge who wore waders was Jim for when he was cleaning out the koi pool. Freddie would sometimes throw them on as a joke, laughing at how they were too big for him; but today, to his surprise, they fitted perfectly. Even stranger was the pair of large wellington boots he was sporting on his feet, caked in mud and the most hideous shade of green. This was an outfit he wouldn’t be seen dead in, let alone asleep in.

What the hell is going on? He thought to himself as he stumbled out of bed, only realising once he was at the door that this wasn’t his bedroom at all. It was much smaller, with hideous peeling wallpaper and a tiny, single bed crammed in the corner. The place reeked of an odour that he couldn’t quite pinpoint. It almost smelled like… dog.

This was either an elaborate prank or some horrific dream, Freddie decided as he quickly descended the staircase, hoping that he might suddenly snap out of this nightmare if he ran into a familiar face. He heard Phoebe’s voice coming from the lounge downstairs and he quickly made a beeline for the room, desperately throwing open the door.

‘Phoebe, something weird is going on!’ He declared, only to stop in his tracks when he saw the other man.

Phoebe was… working out. Lifting weights, more specifically. In all the years that Freddie had known him, he had never seen Phoebe lift weights. Even more shocking was that the usually chubby man was now built like a tank. It was so surreal it was almost disturbing. Phoebe was a round, jolly guy who loved his food and never worried too much about his body image. This guy on the other hand...

‘What is it now?’ Phoebe sighed and set his weights down, flexing his huge bicep. ‘Shouldn’t you be out doing the garden? The boss is going to kill you if he catches you slacking.’

‘The garden?’ Freddie replied, appalled. ‘Why would I be doing the garden? That’s Jim’s job!’

Phoebe rolled his eyes. ‘Very funny, Freddie. Now, if you don’t mind, I was in the middle of something.’

Freddie opened his mouth to protest but Phoebe had already gone back to his weights and started lifting again. Annoyed, the singer turned and stormed out of the room, unable to believe how rude and dismissive his friend was being. And what was all this about “the boss”? Freddie was the boss!

Maybe Joe could shed some light on what was going on. Freddie quickly made his way to the kitchen, where he found the American in the midst of baking a cake, carefully sieving flour into a large bowl.

‘Joe-’ he began, only for the other man to shriek, flour flying everywhere until half the kitchen looked like a Christmas card.

‘Oh, it’s you, Fred.’ Joe clutched his chest dramatically, his glasses completely white. ‘What are you doing here? You should have finished the garden ages ago.’

‘Why does everyone keep banging on about the garden?’ Freddie grumbled, angrily wiping flour off his moustache. ‘And since when are you so easily startled? You nearly shat yourself!’

Joe looked slightly annoyed – at least, Freddie assumed he did, as he couldn’t really see his face under all the flour – ‘you know what a scaredy-cat I am, Freddie. The smallest drop of blood and I’m passed out on the floor. It’s a curse, really.’

Alright, whoever this was, it definitely wasn’t Joe. No way in hell was this the same Joe who, only last week, savagely beat a wasp to death with the kitchen mop, then left its severed head on the kitchen windowsill as a warning to the other wasps.

‘God, look at this mess.’ Joe rushed to the kitchen cupboard and took out a broom, sweeping up the mess on the floor. ‘When the boss sees this, he’ll break my neck!’

‘What are you on about?’ Freddie snarled, ready to tear his hair out. ‘I’m the boss! This is my house!’

‘I’m really not in the mood for jokes right now, Freddie.’ Joe replied, not even looking up at him. ‘Hurry up and get the garden finished, otherwise we’ll all be in the doghouse.’

Freddie couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Whatever parallel universe he was trapped in, he wanted out right now. But Joe had already turned his attention to cleaning up the mess, so Freddie had no choice but to leave him to it and trudge out into the garden.

He took a moment to survey the area; he didn’t know the first thing about gardening, despite sometimes watching Jim while he was working and occasionally helping him plant seedlings for his favourite flowers. He noticed a rake laying nearby and decided to start by raking the leaves off the lawn. How hard could it be?

--

‘Freddie? Freddie! Where have you got to?’

The sound of Jim’s voice echoing across the garden alerted Freddie, and he almost tumbled right off the ladder he had been balancing on to trim the hedges. He had never realised gardening was so much work; he was covered from head to foot in soil, his waders ruined and his hair dripping wet from when he had attempted to reposition the stone bowl in the koi pool, only to fall in face first. But none of that mattered now. Jim was here. His wonderful Irish husband was here, and he was going to sort this horrible mess out.

‘Jim!’ He cried as he entered the conservatory and found the Irishman standing there, looking unusually solemn. He immediately threw his arms around his neck. ‘Jim, I’m so glad to see you! You won’t believe the day I’ve had-’

He was cut off as Jim abruptly pushed him away; taken by surprise, Freddie didn’t have time to steady himself and ended up on the floor.

‘What the fuck do you think you’re doing?!’ Jim barked, wiping off the dirt that had smudged all over his expensive looking shirt. ‘You really think that’s an acceptable way to behave with your boss? You should know your place by now, Mercury!’

Freddie stared at him from where he sat on the floor, dumbfounded. What was going on? Why was Jim treating him like this? There had to be some mistake.

‘Jim,’ he said softly, his eyes large and confused, ‘it’s me.’

‘Yes, it is. Unfortunately.’ Jim huffed, crossing his arms over his chest. ‘For God’s sake, you’re filthy! And what the hell have you done to my garden?’

Freddie glanced out of the conservatory window, noting the misshapen hedges, the large holes in the lawn from where he had clumsily attempted to plant flowers, and the overturned stone bowl in the koi pool which miraculously hadn’t crushed any of the fish. Gardening clearly wasn’t his forte.

‘I-I did my best.’ Freddie insisted nervously.

‘A blind monkey could have done a better job.’ Jim snapped, crossing over to the drinks cabinet and pouring himself a glass of whiskey. ‘I sometimes wonder why I keep you on, Mercury. You’re absolutely useless.’

Freddie felt the colour drain out of his face. This wasn’t the Jim he loved. This man was cruel and demeaning, treating him like he was nothing more than mud beneath his shoe. His sweet and lovely Jim would never do this.

‘Jim, please!’ Freddie scrambled to his feet, grabbing Jim’s sleeve desperately before he could take a swig of his drink. ‘It’s me, Freddie. Your husband.’

Jim scoffed, shrugging the Persian off as if he were an annoying fly. ‘Husband? Sorry Mercury, but I don’t bat for your team. I don’t know what sort of weird obsession you have with me, but you’d better stop it. I won’t have any of that queer shit in my house.’

His house? What did he mean, his house? This was their house. Well, legally it was Freddie’s, but he had always considered it Jim’s home as much as his own. Tears rushed to Freddie’s eyes. This couldn’t be real. Any moment now, he would wake up and find out this was all just an awful dream.

‘Jim, I’m telling the truth! I’m your husband!’ Freddie rambled, heart breaking as Jim rolled his eyes in disgust and took another sip of whiskey. ‘Look, you bought that ring on your finger to show your commitment to me! And you bought one for me too, right here-’

He went to show Jim the ring on his right hand, only to find his finger bare. He immediately panicked. Where was it? Had he lost it? Had it fallen into the koi pool during the incident with the stone bowl? Had someone stolen it?

‘I’m not sure what planet you’re living on, Mercury.’ Jim finished his drink in a single gulp, completely ignoring Freddie’s distress. ‘But I bought this ring to show my commitment to my fiancée, not you.’

‘Your fiancée?’ Freddie could feel the walls closing in around him; in that moment, his entire world shattered and suddenly his lungs were fighting for air. ‘But who-?’

‘Oh, Jiiiim!’ The sound of the front door closing came from the hallway; moments later, the conservatory door swung open, and a familiar blond woman strode inside, laden down with dozens of shopping bags.

Freddie’s jaw almost dropped to the floor. ‘Mary?’

Mary pulled down her sunglasses a moment to acknowledge him, ‘oh, hi Freddie,’ before she immediately turned her attention to Jim and pressed a big wet kiss to the Irishman’s mouth. ‘Thank you so much for giving me another credit card, darling. I know I maxed out the last three, but I just had to buy that new dress I saw in the boutique window.’

‘Anything for the love of my life.’ Jim crooned, rubbing their noses together in a way that made Freddie want to vomit. ‘I’m glad you’ve had a better day than I have – just look at what that idiot’s done to the garden!’

‘Now, now, Jimmy.’ Mary replied, looking at the man as if he was a deity. ‘You know we have to be patient with the help. It’s not like anyone else will hire him.’

Freddie had never hit a woman in his life, but right now Mary was really tempting him.

‘Here,’ Mary held out her bags to Freddie, looking down her nose at him as if he were contagious, ‘take these up to my room, would you? Jimmy and I need to discuss the plans for our wedding.’

Freddie’s cheeks burned with both anger and despair. He went to take the bags when he noticed the gold band on her left hand; it was much smaller, clearly fitted for a woman, but he would recognise it anywhere.

‘My ring!’ he cried, hands clenching into fists as his entire body began to shake. ‘That’s the ring Jim gave me!’

‘Don’t mind him, love.’ Jim put an arm around Mary, a horrible sneer on his face. ‘I think he’s been snorting something; all sorts of crap is coming out of his mouth today. Make yourself useful, Mercury, and go take the dogs for a walk. Maybe that will sober you up a bit.’

‘Dogs?’ Was all Freddie managed to get out before the door flew open again and he was set upon by at least six or seven four-legged fiends.

Don’t misunderstand, Freddie liked dogs. But unlike cats, dogs lacked any sort of grace and dignity; they piled on top of him like they wanted him dead, tongues licking mercilessly at his face until he managed to wriggle free and take cover on one of the sofas.

‘Since when do we have dogs?!’ he practically screamed over all the barking, holding up a pillow to shield himself as a dog the size of a bear leaped onto the sofa to join him.

‘Your memory needs testing, Mercury. We’ve always had dogs. You sleep in their room, for God’s sake.’ Jim refilled his glass and called over to the Newfoundland, which was currently smothering the Persian man. ‘Bad dog, David. You know you’re not allowed on the sofa.’

‘David?’

‘Yes, David. Phoebe said we should have called him Goliath because of his size, but I thought David would be funnier. Completely catches people off guard.’

Freddie felt his spirit rise out from his body and drift up towards the ceiling.

‘Right, you’ll need to keep him on a tight leash if you’re going to take him through the park – you know how much David loves children and I don’t want any parents filing a lawsuit because he’s knocked their kid over.’ Jim said, as Mary took out a small pocket mirror and began applying lipstick. ‘Juliet gets really nervous, so make sure none of the others bully her. And Samson hates you, so just keep out of his way.’

Freddie glanced over at the white poodle with brown markings, who was growling at him menacingly. No, no, no, not Delilah. She was his baby, his princess. How could she ever hate him?

‘By the way, Jim!’ Mary chirped, seemingly oblivious to the chaos around her as the dogs swarmed the conservatory. ‘I took another test this morning and it came back positive – I am pregnant!’

Freddie covered his ears and screamed.

--

‘Freddie? Freddie, wake up!’

Freddie bolted upright, panicking when he felt his arms pinned to his sides, only to realise he had cocooned himself in the bedsheets. Jim was right beside him, carefully untangling him and smoothing back his sweaty hair while the singer trembled, mind still stirring from the nightmare he had just awoken from.

‘Sweetheart?’ Jim said softly once his husband had time to calm down. ‘You were crying out in your sleep. Did you have a bad dream?’

As if snapping out of a trance, Freddie felt his right hand in the darkness, almost weeping when he realised it was bare. ‘My ring! Where’s my ring?’

‘Shh, shh, it’s okay, love.’ Jim soothed, reaching over to turn on one of the lamps and pointing to Freddie’s bedside table. ‘It’s right there, safe and sound.’

Freddie immediately grabbed it and slid it onto his finger, vowing never to remove it again, not even when he took a bath. He turned and snuggled into Jim’s arms, head tucked under the Irishman’s chin, relieved that he wasn’t pushed away.

‘That must have been one hell of a dream.’ Jim murmured, kissing Freddie’s temple. ‘Are you alright?’

Freddie wasn’t sure if he’d ever get those images out of his head. Having to wear waders. Phoebe with a six pack. Joe being skittish as a kitten. Destroying his own lawn with his terrible gardening. Jim treating him like garbage. Mary wearing his ring on her finger. His lovely cats transformed into a kennel of hyperactive, smelly dogs.

But it was just a dream. He was back in reality now, safe in Jim’s arms.

‘I am now.’ He mumbled sleepily into Jim’s neck, placing a kiss against his throat. So long as Jim was his, he would always be alright.

The prompt

OH MY GOD I AM DYING😂😂😂😂

Ahh fuck this is so good I am STILL DYING😂

Firstly, kudos to the anon who came up with such a brilliant prompt. I mean this is innovative af, and you did complete justice to it, writer anon! I had actually forgotten about the prompt, and was afraid that it wasn't a dream😂

Freddie reactions were the best part lmao. How he's utterly horrified at the aspect of Jim and Mary (behold the return of jimary!) being partners, his baby delilah (rather her counterpart) hating him, Phoebe being a gym-aholic and ahhhh Joe, sweet baby Joe actually being sweet like a baby kitten😂😂 I loved it all! Imma reread this so many times ahahahahahah oh god.

(More drabbles by writer anon)

[bluemoonbeam15]

Since I notice you’ve posted about gravity falls before, remember that ask about hopper fighting a bunch of wasps I sent you?

Imagine hopper beating up a bunch of wasps… but it’s exactly like that scene where Stan pines beats up all the zombies. (If you haven’t seen it, here’s the link. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=bBJ8HOHRLtY It’s super cool.) in this case, dipper and mabel would be dot and flik, maybe?

Alright, got a day off from work so we'll call today "prompt day" XD.

And I remember this episode, absolutely one of my favorites. Stan really does capture a lot of Hopper's energy in the show. I don't have any backstory to incorporate on this so I'll just jump straight into the action. Plus, I know you wrote about a similar scene for one of the prompts I sent you so I hope this one doesn't tread too closely to yours.

Warning! This does have violence and blood and other things that are associated with fighting! Don't read if you can't stomach that stuff...please. I can't...really make you guys do anything but...can't say I didn't try.

<><><><><><><>

Flik sprinted down the tunnels. Like he was going to stay put while the others were out there fighting. Hopper couldn't tell him what to do. With so many things running through his mind, he nearly slammed into the princess as she zoomed in front of him, "Flik!"

He dug his heels in the ground to stop, "Dot? What are you doing? You should be in the bunker!"

"And so should you!"

The inventor held up his new invention: a curved piece of wood with a string tied to either end. A basket of arrows was strapped around his chest, "I'm armed, you're not."

"But Hopper said--"

"Hopper is out there risking his life! The last thing I'm gonna do is sit around and not do anything." He sidestepped the princess and hurried down the tunnel again.

Dot huffed and hurried after him, "Well, if you're going then so am I!"

"Dot, stay here."

"You can't tell me what to do!"

"I'm older than you!"

"And Hopper's older than you!"

Flik ran a hand down his face, "That's different--" But Dot had already zoomed past him and toward the top of the anthill. "Dot! Get back here!"

"Can't hear you! Too far away!" Flik screamed internally as he raced to get to her.

The second he reached the outside, a wasp landed heavily in front of him. It stayed still...dead. He stared with wide eyes and looked up to see that some of the colony was catapulting acorns from the tree branches -- another one of his inventions being put to use. He readied his bow and searched frantically for Dot. The princess peeked out from behind his legs, "We need to get back inside, Flik!"

He looked down at her, "Dot! Don't ever run out like that again!"

"Did you hear me?"

"I'm not going back in, go on and get to the bunker," he pushed her back toward the entrance.

"B-But--"

"Dot go!"

She glanced behind him quickly and screamed. Flik whirled around to see a wasp -- a good five feet taller than him -- looming over dangerously. He was taller than Hopper. "Another termite?" He grabbed Flik by his ankle, holding him invertedly, "Where do you pests keep coming from?"

Flik swallowed and held onto his bow tightly. The ground looked awfully far away from where he was hovering. "D-Don't make me--"

"What?" The wasp hissed with a crooked grin, "D-D-Don't. Broken thing, aren't you? Takes you an hour just to speak. Maybe slitting your throat will fix that," he pushed a claw down on the bottom of the ant's chin. Flik whimpered as he felt it begin to break through.

Something slammed against the wasps head and he grunted, releasing Flik. The ant winced from the impact. A stone lay not too far from him and he looked over to see Hopper standing his ground near the wasp. "Oh boy, you're a big one, huh?" The wasp chuckled and wiped the blood trickling down his jaw, "I always love a challenge." He swung a fist out but froze when Hopper caught it and dug his claws in. "What the--?"

Hopper twisted his arm back and kicked the back of his knee. The wasp took in a sharp breath and fell to his knees. Hopper wasted no time in grabbing the other arm and twisting it behind him, pushing the wasp further to the ground and using his lower arms to rip out the stinger. "Gah!" The wasp squeezed his eyes shut and became frantic to escape. Hopper pressed a foot down on his back and leaned close, holding the stinger flush against the wasp's neck.

"You talk too much," he growled lowly, "maybe slitting your throat will fix that." The wasp choked as the stinger broke through a little. Hopper looked up at Dot, "Get inside, Squirt." When the princess didn't move, he bared his teeth, "Now."

Not a second later, she was diving back into the entrance. Hopper waited another moment before driving the stinger into the wasp's throat and dragging it down his chest. With the stinger still embedded, he rammed a foot down on the wasp's legs to break them. Hopper lifted his face up while the blood-soaked the ground beneath him, "Should've thought twice before messing with my family." With a quick twist, he snapped his neck and watched the wasp go limp on the ground.

Flik swallowed and shakily stood up, bow trembling in his hand, "I-I--"

"I told you to stay in the bunker, kid," Hopper wiped the blood from his cheek. "Anyone would half a brain would know how to do that."

The ant straightened, "I wasn't gonna let you get yourself killed."

Hopper laughed darkly and gestured to the wasp, "Speak for yourself." He strode past Flik and nodded toward the hill, "Now get back inside before something worse happens."

Flik held up his bow, "I'm armed, actually, so I can fight as much as the next guy!"

Hopper looked back, unimpressed as he eyed the weapon. "Kid, I'm the next guy. That stick isn't gonna do anything against this swarm. Now I'm not gonna tell you again, get back in that bunker."

"You can't tell me what to do," Flik clenched his fists. By God he was going to fight. If everyone would stop treating him like a child! Who all was in the bunker? The children, the newborns, the elders...even some of the females were out here fighting. And Flik was subjected to the same treatment as most -- if not all -- of the most vulnerable subjects.

Hopper was silent, eyes lidded as he stood before Flik, leaning down to be almost nose-to-nose. Flik forced himself to not shrink back. There was still blood staining the grasshopper's face and the scar glittered in the light from where some had splattered in the slit. It had been quite a time since he found himself intimidated by Hopper that he nearly forgot what it felt like. The sight before him now, though, reminded him why the colony had so easily submitted to him before.

"I can't huh?" Hopper regarded the ant imperiously, "And what makes you think that?" Flik finally had to divert his gaze and his resolve wavered. He heard Hopper sigh and glanced up to see his look softening, "Go back in the bunker...please. I'll let that one slide," he nodded to the dead wasp, "for touching you. But if another one so much as grazes your arm I'll have to slaughter this whole swarm. And my chances of getting into Heaven are already slim as it is," he chuckled.

Flik smiled small, nodding, "Alright, I'll go back."

"Thank you," he brushed Flik's antennae back with the hand not soaked in blood. "Don't worry about me, kid, I'll see through." He started his wings and pushed off toward the heart of the battle.

Flik bit his lip, watching the chaos from a safer distance. He took half a step back...before hurrying toward the edge of the clearing. If Hopper fought for his family then so would Flik. The last thing he would do is let Hopper get hurt trying to protect everyone. "Don't worry about me either," he mumbled and pulled apart the bow where it connected halfway. He reassembled the contraption. Pulling back on one of the pieces sticking out, the machine made a clicking noise and he broke the end off one of the arrows, inserting the sharp bit into the barrel of the stick he had hallowed out. Another pull and click set the machine and he held it firmly against his chest. "I'll see through."

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Aw man this was so much fun to write! I have to do more action scenes like this cause this was just fun to imagine. Hope you like it!

[aughtpunk]

White is Not the New Black

Crowley woke up feeling weird. Like, weird weird.

He laid in bed a good three hours just trying to find the best way to describe said odd feeling. Like if someone spackled a crack with whipped cream and for some unknown reason it worked. Like a completely boneless adorable kitten that kept slipping through his fingers. Like floating safely on an inner-tube in the middle of a stormy ocean. Like stepping on dew-covered grass knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt there were no red ants for miles around. It felt like the time Warlock decided to bake cookies using marshmallows and kool-aid mix. It felt, for reasons Crowley could not comprehend, a bit like Aziraphale.

So of course Crowley decided to ignore it.

Crowley was an expert at ignoring his feelings. He should be, considering he’s been doing it since before The Fall. There was nothing with feelings per say, it was just they tended to get in the way of things. Feelings made it hard to do evil. Feelings compelled Crowley to save children, to save Aziraphale, to save those two bloody unicorns, to save Aziraphale, he was thinking about Aziraphale again, he was thinking about Aziraphale and that odd feeling in his chest only got worse. 

“Shutupshutupshutup.” Crowley muttered to himself as he watered his plants. He opened his mouth to snap at them only to find that nothing would come out. It was as the feeling was forming a wall between him and his usual projected self-loathing that morning. Crowley fought down the staticy sensation and gave being mean to his plants another shot.

“You,” He said pointing his finger at a particular irritating Norfolk Island Pine, “you can do better! Don’t make your needles as sharp! Stop looking so smug for being mistaken for a Christmas tree! There better not be a single dropped needle on this floor or, or,” the words scratched at his throat, unable to escape but unable to settle as well, “or I’ll gift you to Aziraphale this Christmas! And you know he’ll go full Victorian on dressing you. He’ll use candles. Real candles.”

That got the Norfolk Island Pine to stop looking so smug. 

(Crowley was rather proud of himself for the sudden popularity of the Norfolk Island Pine. He had convinced humans it would be a perfect Christmas plant, what with it being vaguely pine-ish and having the word Pine in its name. In reality the Norfolk Island Pine was possibly the worst plant to have around the holidays. It was a tropical plant that needed high heat and even higher humidity with multiple waterings a day and frankly had no business being in a cold dry climate. Because of this they tended to drop dead the second they left the store. The fact that once it died the dried pine needles became as sharp as rose thorns but three times as long was just an added bonus.)

Crowley rubbed an odd spot on his chest. Mentioning Christmas had only made the odd feeling grow feelers and wiggle about. Maybe he just needed coffee. Or a drink. Or Aziraphale.

Don’t think about Aziraphale.

Evil, he decided, he needed to go do evil. That would fix this right up.

***

Being evil didn’t help.

It did cheer him up in that the-misfortune-of-others-is-hilarious sort of way, but it did nothing to get rid of the feeling in his chest. In fact, the feeling felt as if it was growing. He couldn’t rid himself of the mental image of it being this multi-limbed fuzzy insect lodged in his chest. Right between his lungs, he decided. Just this spider-wasp-scorpion thing clawing at his internal organs. In a metaphorical sort of way, of course. 

After an afternoon spent causing traffic jams and making people forget their significant other’s birthdays, Crowley knew there was no use putting it off any longer. He had to go see Aziraphale. Not that he didn’t want to see Aziraphale! In fact he felt totally the opposite way. Ever since they toasted to the world Crowley’s only desire was to spend more time with Aziraphale. Possibly all of his time. He never wanted to leave his angel’s side and that was a problem because there was no way Aziraphale wanted the same. 

This was Aziraphale! The dear angel who spent a decade re-reading every book he owned because he quote ‘didn’t feel like going out’ end quote. Crowley knew that Aziraphale would be sick of him hanging around within days. Yes, they were best friends. Yes, they had chosen each other over Heaven and Hell. But that didn’t mean Aziraphale wanted Crowley to hold his hand and never let go.

The odd feeling wasn’t love. Crowley knew this because he had felt love for Aziraphale since Eden. He could feel it still as he drove over to the bookstore. His love had no odd descriptions attached beyond the usual overwhelming yearning for returned devotion. Not a single insect leg or boneless adorable animal to be seen. Just love. Simple, pure, unrequited love.

The bookstore was closed of course. Crowley could count the times he had seen it open on one hand (He would have been able to even if he got two fingers cut off before the count). That didn’t stop Crowley from opening the clearly-locked front door and walking in. The shop knew better than to keep Crowley out. 

“Angel?” Crowley called out as he entered the shop. Even after all of these weeks there was always a funny twist in his stomach when he came to visit Aziraphale. This feeling, unlike the love and the squirmy feeling that current reminded Crowley of a bowl of ice cream covered in stale pieces of candy corn, was one of dread. The fear that Crowley would find the shop burning once more and his angel missing for good. Crowley had managed to convince himself that the reason he visited Aziraphale so often was to check in on things, and not because it was the only way for that fear to die down.

Crowley was very, very good at ignoring his feelings.

“Crowley! You’re just in time! I need your help with this.” Aziraphale popped out from between the shelves holding what must have been someone’s lost smartphone. Yes, a lost smartphone that just so happened to have little angel wing stickers on the case. The white case. The sparkly white case. Oh no.

“Oh no.” Crowley groaned, “Angel, where did you get that? Why did you get that?”

The angel beamed with happiness even as he kept his eyes glued to the screen. “It was Miss Device’s idea! This way we can keep in touch with each other in case anything happens! I already have the numbers for Adam and all of his friends, too. We really must go visit them some day. Pepper, the girl who killed War, she’s trying to explain how I can set up a twitter account and I thought oh, Crowley helped make that, I should ask him--”

Aziraphale finally lifted his head up enough to look at Crowley.

He froze on the spot, causing the phone slipped right out of his hands and land on bookshop floor with a muffled thud.

(Luckily the phone liked the angel stickers so much it refused let its screen crack.)

“Uh.” Crowley cleared his throat once the silent went on a beat too long. “Angel? Aziraphale? You okay?”

Aziraphale didn’t respond right away. His eyes were wide with shock, his lips parted, and he looked one loud noise away from passing out on the spot. “Crowley,” he finally managed, “Are you okay?”

Crowley almost lied out of habit, but the feeling stopped him again. Well. If anyone knew about weird feeling it would have to be Aziraphale. “No? Kinda. I feel...off.”

“Off.” Aziraphale echoed.

“Yeah. Like, like there’s something in me that shouldn’t be there.”

“I see. What does it feel like?”

“Like if someone glued fake fur to a balloon and inflated it in my chest.”

Aziraphale didn’t respond to that.

“And the balloon is filled with those little sphere things that grow when you put them in water.”

Aziraphale closed his mouth.

“What the hell are those called, anyway?”

Aziraphale took a few steps forward. 

“I’ve seen them used for growing bamboo.”

“Crowley.” Aziraphale finally said once he was within arm’s reach of his dear friend. 

“I should try that sometime--”

“Crowley, show me your wings this instant!”

Crowley didn’t even think about questioning Aziraphale. He did as he was told, unfurling his wings for the first time since Almost-End and giving them a good flap to stretch them out. A few feathers shook loose, as they tended to, sending bits of white fluff flying across the shop floor. “There? Happy? I know, they’re stunning, I know, but that doesn’t--”

Bits of white fluff.

White fluff.

White.

White.

Crowley spread his wings out wide enough to circle around him and Aziraphale. 

White. They were white. Pure, brilliant white feathers sparkling in the bookshop’s dim light.

Aziraphale took Crowley’s shaking hands within his own and said in a hoarse whisper. “Crowley. That weird feeling you’ve been experiencing is holiness.”

***

“Fuck.”

Crowley laid on Aziraphale’s couch, waiting to see if anything would happen. When the feeling--the feeling of God’s Grace--didn’t go away, he decided to experiment a little more.

“Fuck. Shit. Arse. Arsehole. Dick. Prick. Fucking shitting arshole prick cu--”

“Crowley, cursing isn’t going to make you re-fall.” 

Aziraphale placed a nice hot cup of tea on the small side table next to the couch. Not close enough to imply that Crowley had to drink it, but close enough to let the demon know the option was there. 

No, Aziraphale reminded himself, not a demon anymore. 

He was still kicking himself for not noticing the second Crowley stepped into the shop. Demons didn’t give off the same energy as angels. In fact, they absorbed it. Standing around a pack of demons was spiritually akin to getting one’s shoelace stuck in an escalator. Crowley’s pull just happened to be weak enough that Aziraphale stopped noticing it after the first few thousand years. At most all it did was given Aziraphale the heads up that Crowley was somewhere in the immediate area. But now?

Now Crowley was burning. 

The ex-demon (that was easier than thinking of him as an angel) was absolutely crackling with holy energy. It was probably strong enough to give everyone in Soho a lovely day. Maybe even powerful enough for them to find a fiver in an old jacket pocket! Aziraphale hadn’t felt such pure holiness since...well...since before. Before it all. 

Crowley sat up and removed his sunglasses. “What about my eyes? How do they look.”

“Still very snake-like.” Aziraphale said, which was the truth. Unfortunately the truth also required him to keep going. “But they’re less yellow and more um, gold.”

“Gold.”

“Yes.”

“In what way?”

“In a...um...golden-angel-halo sort of way.”

Crowley promptly fell back onto the couch. Aziraphale waited for him to say something, anything, but when it was clear Crowley wasn’t going to say a word Aziraphale did his best to fill in the silence between them. 

“It must have been the whole saving-the-world thing that did it. Too much good all in one go. And frankly I don’t see why you’re pouting about this! Isn’t this good? Isn’t un-falling, ah, isn’t rising exactly what all demons strive for? Don’t you feel...better?”

Silence. 

“You told me falling felt like having a part of you violently ripped out. That demons aren’t filled with evil, they’re filled with nothing. Absolutely empty! You said, and I quote, it feels like slowly bleeding out for eternity! That you spend the first thousand years on Earth simply getting used to the pain!”

“I was drunk.” Crowley finally replied. 

“Drunk means you were telling the truth.”

Crowley let out a deep sigh before rolling onto his back. “Drunk means I was melodramatic. Falling didn’t hurt that much.”

“But it did hurt, didn’t it?”

Crowley didn’t answer that. 

“Does it hurt now?”

“Hasn’t hurt in ages, angel. Decades. Not even sure when it faded. Just realized one day it was...gone.”

Aziraphale sat down at the other end of the couch, just far enough to let Crowley’s feet dangle in peace. Crowley was lying. He knew if he pressed Crowley would not only tell him the exact day but the exact moment down to the millisecond. Not that Aziraphale needed to do that. He already knew the answer. “The church.”

Crowley stared up at the ceiling above. “Yeah. After the church.”

Aziraphale wasn’t sure when his hand moved onto Crowley’s ankle, or when he begun to soothingly trace a circle against his friend’s skin with his thumb. Funny. He had always dreamed of what life would be like if Crowley was an angel. If they were on the same side since the very beginning. 

(What Aziraphale nor Crowley realized is that they had been on the same side since the beginning. Their side was formed the second they stood side-by-side on the Garden’s wall and made small talk. God had looked down upon them and said oh, oh this is new. This is interesting.)

“Do you really hate angels this much?” Aziraphale said, his voice barely above a whisper. 

“What? Aziraphale, angel, course I don’t.” Crowley said as he finally sat up. “It’s just that it’s, well, it’s wrong. All of it feels wrong! It’s like, it’s like there’s always been this balance, right? You being all goody-angel and me being all, all demony-demon! It, it worked, didn’t it? Six thousand years it worked fine! I mean, humans go on about having a bloody angel and demon on their shoulders, right? No one ever goes oh no I’m in a terribly difficult situation, better consult the angel on my shoulder and the angel on my other should who is just like the first one but dresses in black. But not his wings! Nooooo, can’t have an angel with black wings. Gotta be white! Perfect bloody bone-bleached wings! Only pretty clean doves allowed in Heaven! Noah never would have accepted that olive branch if it was being held by a damned raven.”

Aziraphale stared into Crowley’s desperate now-golden eyes, his heart ready to burst from his overwhelming desire to help his dear friend. Yet at the same time thought over everything Crowley had said with a fine-tooth comb. He knew Crowley better than himself. He knew the snake always had a terrible habit of showing his hand. He also knew that sometimes Crowley was just...Crowley.

“Crowley. Darling. Are you upset because white wings ruins your aesthetic?” 

“They bloody destroyed it!” Crowley shouted as he threw up his arms in defeat. “White wings! Six thousand years of black going with everything and then I get white wings dropped on me like a damn missile! Do you know what white wings go with, angel?”

“Cream and tartan?”

“Nothing in my bloody closet, that’s what!” As if to punctuate the point Crowley outstretched his wings again and pointed at them as if saying ‘see?’. And as much as Aziraphale hated to admit it Crowley was right. The white wings didn’t go with Crowley’s normal attire at all. 

Aziraphale struggled internally with his centuries of British politeness. “Now Crowley, they’re very...well maintained. Impeccable grooming as always, darling. All the feathers are pointing the right way. Yes. Very good wings.”

Crowley sunk into the couch. “That bad?”

“You look like a salesman's half-hearted costume for an office Halloween party.”

“You don’t have to rub it in, angel.” 

Crowley drew his wings close to his body, using them to create a feathery barrier between him and the rest of the world. Aziraphale had seen him do it many times, usually after humanity had done something awful or when a TV show he really liked ended. The worst part was that these sulk sessions could last months, if not years. Aziraphale had to do something to shake his now angelic-snake friend out of it before it got bad.

“I have an idea.” 

Crowley peered at him through his feathers. “Good idea, or bad idea?”

Aziraphale thought it over carefully in his mind before settling on “Stupid idea.”

***

It was an immensely stupid idea. So stupid that if any of their human friends were around, yes even the children, they would have sat the angel and slightly-different-angel down and explained why this was a stupid idea. Why it wouldn’t work. That feathers don’t work that way. Ink doesn’t work that way. That the world didn’t work on cartoon logic. But they weren’t there, which meant Aziraphale’s stupid idea worked perfectly.

“There! That’s the last one!” Aziraphale stepped back with brush in hand to admire his work. The ink had soaked through Crowley’s feathers, turning them that lovely shade of endless void they used to be. “Now we just have to wait for it to dry--”

Crowley snapped his fingers.

“--or you could be an impatient child and miracle them dry. Really, Crowley?” 

“Just because I’m all holy now doesn’t mean I’m into any of that patience is a virtue nonsense.” Crowley stretched his wings up and out, their feathers once more the color of the space between the stars. He twisted his wings as best he could, marveling at the way the bookshop’s dim light danced across the feathers. “They’re perfect, angel! Course we’ll have to do touch ups whenever new feathers come in but that’s a small price to pay for fashion. What do you think, uh, Aziraphale? You okay?”

Aziraphale stood there, brush still in hand, his lip trembling the way it always did when he was upset. “Crowley. Are you really okay with this? Being...one of us?”

Crowley took the brush from Aziraphale’s hand and dropped it into the large ink pot on the floor. “It isn’t like I’ve never been an angel before. Besides, I’m not with,” he waved his hand vaguely in the direction of heaven, “them. We’re on our own side, remember? I’m not with Heaven as an angel the same way I wasn’t with Hell as a demon. I just got to get used to this...holy-feeling.”

Aziraphale removed his cotton gloves and let them fall to the floor. “Wonderful, isn’t it?”

“It feels like someone handed me a baby lamb wrapped in a blanket and told me that if I drop it I’ll die.”

“You didn’t answer my question.”

Crowley shoved his hands as deep into his jacket pockets could go before mumbling “Yeah it’s alright, I guess.” 

“I’ll just have to be a little bit more of a bastard to balance everything out.”

They smiled at each other, as they always did, right within arm's reach yet so far away. There had always been that barrier between them even as they stood side-by-side at the end of the world. A barrier that, in roughly thirty seconds, both men would realize wasn’t there anymore. Crowley reached the realization first, most likely because of those long dangly legs of his.

“I’m not a demon.”

“Yes, Crowley. We’ve established that.”

“I’m an angel.”

“Yes, Crowley.”

“Aziraphale, we’re both angels.”

Crowley may have reached the conclusion first, but Aziraphale was the first one to move. He closed the distance between them, happy to find that Crowley was already leaning down enough to welcome his angel with a kiss. When the world didn’t try to end again they followed it up with a second, a third, and then quickly lost count in the double-digits. They spoke between the gaps, neither man willing to let go long enough for proper dialog.

“I was afraid--”

“I thought we couldn’t--”

“What if Heaven found out--”

“What if you Fell--”

“What if it hurt you--”

“What if your saliva counted as holy water or something--”

“That’s not how it--”

“Doesn’t matter, not anymore--”

“I love you--”

“I love you so much, angel--”

“You can’t call me that anymore now that you’re,” Aziraphale suddenly pulled away, his eyes wide, “oh fuck, you’re an angel. If you’re an angel that means Heaven--”

“--Will find out.” Crowley said, slightly annoyed that the kissing had to stop for a bit. The second this conversation was done, however, they were going right back at it. “And Hell. Bugger all.”

Aziraphale reached up and tugged on Crowley’s jacket enough to pull him back down for a softer kiss this time. “Maybe we should beat them to it with an official announcement?”

“Angel, you got that right-bastard look in your eyes.” Crowley laughed, the holiness in his chest mixing in with the rest of his love. Once combined they settled in naturally, allowing the odd feelings to finally pass. “Another stupid idea?”

“Better. This idea is hilarious.”

***

There were angels missing in Heaven.

Gabriel flipped through the ledger again, as if the missing names would simply magically reappear. Oh look, those couple hundred names were just hiding in the index! Nothing to worry about here. No angels going AWOL and seemingly vanishing from Heaven’s gaze for good. But no matter how many times Gabriel went through the old ledger not a single missing-angel name popped up. The worst part was that it wasn’t like they fell because their name would have been scribbled out like the rest of the demons.

He paused mid-flip as an absolute terrible thought occurred to him. Some people thought Gabriel wasn’t smart, or a bit thick, or any other number of phrases that meant he wasn’t the brightest angel. This was only partially true. He--and many other angels--may have been clueless when it came to Earthly matters, but were very sharp when it came to celestial matters. That was why Gabriel returned to the first page of the ledger and began counting the scribbled out demon names. 

Two hundred and seventy-five were missing, the same amount as the missing angels.

Gabriel closed the book with loving care before pressing it against his face to muffle his screams. He found screaming very therapeutic. He couldn’t really curse at God as that was a big no-no, but he could scream to the universe at large about that damned angel and that double-damned demon and their damn-damn-bloody-damned ineffable plan and--

Gabriel’s scream session was cut off by his holy smartphone going off. He could scream at whoever was on the other side, he thought. Even better! Gabriel answered the phone and was just about to start bellowing when the person on the other end cut him off.

“GABE! WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO?!”

Beelzebub. Great. His eternity wasn’t going bad enough. “Beez--”

“DO NOT CALL ME BEEZZZZZZ!”

Gabriel took a deep breath before continuing with “Beez, if this is about the missing names in the ledger I’ll have you know I had nothing to do with it, Heaven had nothing to do with it, and if you actually sat down to read the thing you would see that there’s just as many angels missing as demons--”

“I didn’t mean that! I meant the pizzzzzzzza party!”

“The what?”

***

“The Pizzzzza party!” Beelzebub sunk down on their throne, phone in one hand and slice of pizza in the other. “Hell is full of pizzzza!”

There was a beat of silence on the other end before Gabriel replied, “What like, just lying around in piles or--”

“No! There’s, there’s tables! And streamers! Balloons! There are balloons here, Gabriel! In bright cheery colors! And there’s this one really long table full of different types of candy and and ice cream it’s supposed to be a, a,” Beelzebub lowered the phone just enough to shout “Ligur! What did you say it was called?”

“An ice cream sundae bar!” Ligur shouted back.

“An ice cream sundae bar!”

“Hold up, didn’t you tell me that Ligur was dead?”

Beelzebub shrugged even though they knew Gabriel couldn’t see it. “He showed up right before the trial. Said he just stopped being non-existent.” 

“I got better!” Ligur shouted again. 

(Of course Ligur was better. When Adam said he was going to put the world back together he meant it. That included any and all demons killed over the course of the week. There were also a lot more bees and whales than before but Adam figured no one would notice.)

“Anyway!” Beelzebub snapped, “No one down here did this so it must have been one of your lot!”

“My lot?! If you think any of ‘my lot’ would sully themselves with pizza and ice cream--”

“No but your lot is more likely to use their powers to create a pizzzzzza party large enough for all of Hell because they thought it was nice or something!”

“I am insulted! I will have you know there’s not a single angel up here who would waste even a drop of mercy for ‘your lot’ and you know it!”

“Well if it wasn’t me, and if wasn’t you, then...who…” Beelzebub let their voice trail off. Much like their counterpart, Beelzebub was not stupid. But they were a fly, and sometimes it took their brain a bit of buzzing around before landing long enough to connect the dots. 

“Fuck me.” Beelzebub said the exact same time Gabriel said “For fuck’s sake.”

It was at that moment Hastur popped out of the milling crowd of Hell and said “Hey boss? Ligur found a cake and uh, I think you need to see it.”

“Of course there’s cake.” Beelzebub said as they shoved their phone back into their pocket without bothering to hang up (Butt dialing was an invention of Hell after all). They wolfed down their slice of pizza disturbingly quick and followed Hastur through the crowd, eager to get this over with. If you asked why Beelzebub was impatient they would say something about needing the time to plot against this grand insult against Hell and all of its demons. They would not under any circumstances say because they wanted one of the cake’s corner pieces before a far less worthy demon claimed it. 

The crowd parted as Beelzebub swept through, giving them a clear path to this mysterious cake. Beelzebub was slightly disappointed to see that it was round, therefore meaning there were no corner pieces to claim. In just a few more minutes Beelzebub would be even more disappointed when they found out it was an angel food cake. But at that very second all they could focus on was the sprawling script written across the cake in flowing gold-frosting letters punctuated with a tiny angel wing on both sides.

He’s mine.

- A. Z. F.

***

Back in Heaven Gabriel didn’t hear Beelzebub’s frustrated scream on the other side of the phone because he was too busy staring at a sticker. 

He had no idea how he missed it during his numerous searches through the ledger. Whoever had placed it in the ledger did it in a way that it covered a name that could have been angelic or demonic scribbled-out.  It was absolutely hideous. A mess of holographic rainbows and sparkles designed to catch the light of Heaven at just the right angle to annoy Gabriel with its glare. The sticker also so happened to be in the shape of a black and red snake wearing sunglasses.

Gabriel couldn’t even find it in himself to scream. 

The door to Gabriel’s office opened as Michael stepped in with rather puzzled expression on his face. “Gabriel, I apologize for interrupting but I just got word from my informant that there’s been a massive miracle performed in Heaven and Hell and I wanted to speak to you about--”

Michael stopped talking. Odd.

“About…?” Gabriel asked as he finally tore his eyes off the garish sticker. Michael was staring at him. “About what?”

No, he thought, Michael wasn’t staring at him. He was staring up and over Gabriel’s shoulder. Dread pooled in Gabriel’s stomach as he turned around in his heavenly office chair to see what was behind him. 

There, right on the back wall above his desk, was a large portrait of The Serpent of Eden, Tempter of Mankind, Boyfriend of That Angel We Don’t Talk About, and a General Royal Pain in the Ass, Crowley. He was grinning from ear-to-ear, shooting double fingerguns to make it absolutely clear that he was far cooler than anyone looking at the painting. Aziraphale was there too, pressed up against the serpent’s side with his head propped up on Crowley’s shoulder. And there, under the painting, was a shining golden plaque with a single line engraved across its surface in a style that Gabriel didn’t know, but any Earthbound human would recognize immediately as comic sans. 

ANGEL OF THE MILLENNIUM - ANTHONY J CROWLEY

Gabriel didn’t bother to muffle his screams this time.

[404gendernotfound]

Picture Perfect: Part 1 (Prompto x Reader)

Summary: You just wanted spend some quality time at the park when a cute blond boy fell from the tree you were laying under. You befriended him and his best friend Noctis and spend the rest of the day with them.

Contains: fluff

Warnings: none              

Wordcount: 2,6 K

Enjoy!

________________________________________________________________

It was a beautiful Monday morning. Finally after one week of terrible weather with a lot of rain and stormy days it had cleared again. The sun was shining right into my face as I woke up this morning. It was pleasantly warm and the sky was almost completely cleared from clouds. I stretched in bed and then stood up to get dressed and eat breakfast. I was really happy about the weather since I really wanted to go to the park again to just chill under a tree and maybe read a book or listen to some music. I packed my bag with a little something to eat and drink, one of my favorite books and of course my headphones before I left the house. The park wasn’t very far from where I lived so I just had to walk a few minutes before arriving there. It was already pretty crowded so I decided to maybe find a more secluded spot were people wouldn’t usually go. Since the park was actually pretty big I had a few options to choose from. I could get closer to the lake which was a very welcome way to cool down but I was sure that there would be the most commotion. Another possibility was to get closer to the forest which would be a bit colder and darker since the sun couldn’t really manage to break through the treetops. The last spot that came to my mind was the space right before the fields behind the park began. There would be a lot of insects like wasps and bees which made that park of the park pretty uninteresting for people that planned to go picknicking cause as soon as you took out some food they would be everywhere. I decided to find a place in the shadow of a tree near the field since I was sure that there wouldn’t be a lot of people. As I arrived there I was right. There were a few single people sitting or laying in the sun and there was a shadowy spot under a near tree that was still free. I walked there and laid down in the grass. I grabbed my headphones and plugged them into my phone before I used my backpack as a pillow and closed my eyes listening to some calming music. I loved to just lay in the park and do nothing for hours. Just feeling the cool summer breeze and smelling the fresh air would keep me at balance. I was laying here for some time until I got startled by a loud thump next to me before I hear a quiet “Ouch” right next to me. I sat up and looked next to me to see a blond boy with a camera in his hand who looked like he was a little bit in pain. I removed my headphones. Did he just fall from the tree?

“Are you ok?”, I asked slightly laughing at the thought that he had just fallen from the tree.

He turned his head towards me and my heart almost stopped to beat. His cheeks and nose were painted with a ton of beautiful freckles. He was dressed in black and dark brown clothes which really looked good on him and his beautiful blue eyes and blond hair were mesmerizing.

“Oh hi there. Yeah I’m fine”, he laughed and smiled back at me.

I couldn’t stop smiling. He looked so cute as he awkwardly scratched his neck before he stood up and brushed the dirt from his clothes. I kinda wanted to start a conversation with him since I thought he was cute. I remembered the camera again and spoke up as he was about to leave.

“Are you a photographer?”, I asked and watched him turn around to me again.

I could see his eyes sparkle from here. It looked almost as if he had waited for someone to finally ask him about that.

“Yeah. I love photography. This here is actually a pretty good spot to take photos”, he started to explain and walked towards me again before he let himself fall onto the grass next to me.

“Is that why you were in that tree?”, I asked curious.

“Yeah. I like taking pictures from higher up and you have a great view from up there. I’m sorry if I scared you with my fall”, he apologized which just made me laugh.

“Don’t worry it’s fine. I was a bit startled but I was more worried about your wellbeing than about myself”

“It’s not the first time he fell from a tree”, I suddenly heard an unfamiliar voice say.

I looked up to see another young man with black hair standing next to us. The cute blonde turned to him and sighed.

“Oh come on, Noct. You didn’t have to say that”, he protested and the black haired just smiled.

“I’m sorry if he was bothering you. He can become very smitten when it comes to beautiful women”, he said and I noticed the boy next to me look at him with an almost killing gaze.

I felt flattered by his comment and noticed my cheeks get a little warm. They both seemed to be very nice young men. The black haired stepped closer towards me and reached out with his hand to shake mine.

“I’m Noctis btw. This idiots best friend”, he introduced himself and looked at the blond one.

“Hey! I’m not an idiot. I’m just naturally clumsy that’s all”, he whined and then looked at me.

“I’m Prompto.”, he added and also shook my hand.

“I’m Y/n. Nice to meet you two”, I introduced myself before I watched Noctis sit down in front of me.

“So what were you up to on this beautiful day?”, Noctis asked.

“Oh. I was just thinking about spending my day here in the shadow listening to music and enjoying the fresh air. Nothing special”, I explained.

“Well…we were about to get lunch and maybe you’d like to join us?”, Prompto asked and fumbled with his camera while looking at me.

I looked at Noctis who was just smiling at me. Going to lunch with the two boys didn’t sound that bad and I would have time to get to know them better.

“Sure. Lunch sounds great”, I answered and noticed Promptos bright smile.

“Great. Then let’s get going.”, he said and stood up holding out his hand for me to take so he could help me stand up.

I had to giggle at his enthusiasm and packed my stuff back into my backpack before I grabbed his hand. He pulled me up to my feet and smiled down at me as he noticed that I was smaller than him. We three walked next to each other as we left the park together.

“So where do you plan on getting lunch?”, I asked.

“There is a diner about 10 minutes away from here that has the best food in town. We could walk there”, Noctis explained.

“Yeah…or we could…NOCT LOOK”, Prompto said and pointed towards something.

Noctis and I looked into the direction he pointed and both started to laugh. Right in front of us on the other side of the street was a chocobo rental. Noctis leaned over to me and grinned.

“Prompto is OBSESSED with chocobos”, he explained and I had to smile.

That fact made him even cuter. Prompto crossed his arms and looked at us.

“I’m not obsessed. I just really like them”, he tried to defend himself and fake pouted.

Could he get any cuter? I just giggled and playfully hit his shoulder. Riding chocobos didn’t sound bad to me.

“So how about it? Let’s rent some chocobos”, I suggested and Prompto looked as if he had just seen an angel.

Noctis rolled his eyes saying “Fine” and started walking towards the chocobo rental. As we arrived there Noctis talked to the person responsible for the renting while Prompto and I went over to the chocobos the feed and pet them. As I watched him practically cuddle with a chocobo I had to grin like an idiot.

“Hey Prompto”

“Yeah?”, he asked confused about me suddenly calling his name.

“Give me your camera for a second”

He looked at me a bit confused before he took the camera from around his neck and gave it to me. He didn’t pay much more attention to me and more to the chocobo in front of him that happily puffed his feathers. I took a few pictures of him and the chocobo until he noticed what I was doing. His cheeks turned a faint pink as he looked right into the camera as I took another picture.

“Hey stop that.”, he said and hid his face in the chocobos feathers.

“Never. You two look way too cute”, I admitted and heard the chocobo kweh.

Just after that Noctis returns. He laughed as he saw Promptos slightly flustered state and posed for the camera as I turned it towards him.

“The chocobos are rented, but I only managed to get these two since the others were already reserved. So I guess you two have to share one”, Noctis said and winked towards me which made me roll my eyes.

“We have no problem with that, right Prompto?”, I asked and watched his cheeks darken.

“Yeah…a-absolutely n-no pr-problem”, he stuttered and Noctis almost died laughing.

“If there is no problem then let’s go”, Noctis said and already mounted his chocobo ready to go.

Prompto got onto the chocobo first and I squeazed myself into the saddle behind him. I put the camera around my neck and then held onto his waist.

“Ready?”, Prompto asked.

“Ready!”, I said happy and snuggled myself closer to his back.

“Alright. Then let’s go”, Noctis announced and we began to ride towards our direction.

Prompto was riding in front of Noctis which gave me the opportunity to take some pictures of Noctis. He smiled for the camera while I struggled to keep myself steady with just one arm around Prompto. He must have noticed that I was barely hanging on since he reached with one arm behind him to put it around my waist to keep me from falling down.

“I don’t want you to get hurt”, he said as he looked at me.

The look on his face was so heartwarming that I had to take a quick picture of it. Prompto smiled as I took more pictures of him and then concentrated back on getting us safely to the diner. As we arrived there we left the chocobos at the entrance and walked into the nice little diner. There weren’t too many people there right now which was pretty nice since we could choose where we wanted to sit. We chose a booth at the windows and sat down. I was expecting Prompto and Noctis to sit on the opposite side of me but as Prompto was about to walk past me Noctis pushed him into the seat next to me and sat down across from us with a huge smile. A blind could see that he was trying to play the matchmaker for us and I wasn’t complaining since Prompto really was a cutie and I couldn’t wait to get to know more about him. He on the other hand looked like he would rip Noctis head off as soon as he was alone with him again. A waiter came over and handed us the menus. Since we couldn’t really choose what to get we decided to get a few dished and just share them. While we waited on the food Noctis started to talk about his car. He showed me a few pictures and it looked really cool.

“I would love to ride the Regalia one day”, I said fascinated by the cars beauty.

“I mean if you want we could just take you for a ride whenever you like”, Noctis said and smiled at me.

“I’d love to”, I said and watched Prompto look a bit jealous next to me.

To change the topic I grabbed the camera from around my neck and gently nudged him into the side with my elbow. He turned his head towards me.

“Let’s see how the pictures look that I took”, I suggested and his eyes began to sparkle.

“I’m sure they came out amazing”, Prompto complimented me and I noticed my cheeks heat up a bit.

We looked through the pictures together. They really didn’t look that bad. While we were concentrated on the pictured our food came and we started to dig in right after. We spend some more time in the diner talking about different stuff before it slowly got dark outside.

“I think we should take you back home before it get’s too late”, Noctis proposed and Prompto nodded.

“Yeah. You never know what’s lurking in the dark at night.”, he added and we left the diner.

We got back onto the chocobos and I told the boys where I lived. Prompto and Noctis brought me back to my apartment in no time. I hugged and pet the chocobo one last time before I turned towards the boys.

“Today was a really fun day. We should hang out more often”, I said and yawned shortly after.

“You can just call us whenever you like to hang out. And maybe we’ll pick you up in the Regalia next time”, Noctis suggested and smiled at me.

“That would be so cool”

I yawned another time. I hadn’t even noticed how tired I suddenly was. I saw Noctis whisper something to Prompto before he turned to me.

“I’ll accompany you to your apartment”, Prompto said and I whispered a small “ok”.

Noctis stayed with the chocobos while we walked up to the third floor. As we arrived my apartment I unlocked the door and stayed at the door looking at him.

“I really enjoyed today”, I said suddenly feeling a bit shy with just him here.

“I did too.”

“I’m really glad you fell from that tree”, I laughed and watched his cheeks flush a little bit.

“Me too”, he answered and softly smiled at me.

“Then I guess good night”

“Goodnight, Y/n”, he said and turned around to leave.

“WAIT”, I screamed after him and he turned around again.

“Yes?”

I just held my phone towards him and he instantly got what I wanted. He came back, grabbed my phone and typed in his number. Prompto gave the phone back to me and smiled.

“Text me”, he said.

“I will.”, I whispered and stepped forward, got on my tiptoes and quickly kissed his cheek.

Promptos eyes widened and his cheeks turned pink again.

“Goodnight, Prompto”

“Goodnight, Y/N”, he whispered and I watched him walk away.

I went into my appatment and squealed happily. I got his number and I had the courage to kiss his cheek. I was really proud of myself. I checked my phone and saw that he had saved himself as “Prompto❤” which made me blush a little bit. My heart was still racing as I walked towards the window facing the front of the building. I saw Noctis and Prompto still standing in front of the apartment. As Noctis spotted me he waved in my direction and Prompto noticed shortly after and joined him. I waved back and then watched them get back onto the chocobos and ride away.

to be continued...

[carpstan]

hi @wasp-factor! i'm your secret santa. i just wanted to say how happy writing this fic for you made me - i love gakushuu too, even though i never had the chance to write about him before, hopefully it's in character. i know you like gakushuu/isogai, and i tried to include it in the fic (apparently i really like this ship, i never thought about it before). i hope you'll like it and, since we don't know each other, maybe we'll become friends. happy holidays!

Asano Gakushuu discovers the magic of Christmas

He had done it on purpose. There was no other possible explanation.

Winter holidays were approaching and the headmaster himself had given class A a social studies assignment about the influence of Christmas. Normally, Gakushuu would not have minded writing a paper on a topic that he deemed to be quite fascinating, but that was really not the case: the headmaster apparently thought it would be delightful to have everyone discuss a different aspect of the main theme, so joining all the students’ essays would result in a rich dissertation that would cover every little detail. The problem was the theme he got. 

According to the instructions he received, his task was to understand what made Christmas so appealing to people in terms of improvement of their mood and behaviour; in easier words, he had to investigate the odd phenomenon known as “the magic of Christmas”. Oh, and he had to provide actual evidence to support his thesis as well. He had to go on the streets and interview people. 

So, his father absolutely did that on purpose. Forcing him to reflect on a social event he considered not only pointless but plain out dumb, while also having him interact with random strangers who were likely just as dumb was an extremely clever way to torture him. Like that was not enough, he knew he could not complain about it with his friends, who he was sure considered him lucky and would have immediately said he got the best topic. The audacity.

It could have been literally anything else. And to say he was almost excited - no, not the right word. He was intrigued when the theme was announced. He had made some research on his own and he had stumbled upon an interesting article regarding the frailty of a consumist economy which revolves around a single month of extreme consumptions, he would have been ready and enthusiastic to write about it. Ren got that part instead. Now that was luck.

Well, he better start to plan out his actions. First of all, he was going to complain to his friends: they were not going to understand him, but he still needed to get rid of some frustration. Then he would start right away. The deadline was two weeks from then and he needed to get properly organised to avoid spending too much time on this project. The sooner he turned it in the better.

---

It was not going as well as he expected. He thought everything would have run as smoothly as usual, but he should have taken some factors into account. The problem was that for the first time in his life, he found himself in the unenviable position of talking about a topic he had no knowledge nor experience of. 

His father and he never celebrated Christmas, or any holiday to be fair. Their house was the only one in the neighbourhood, or maybe in the whole city, which was completely missing decorations. Once he was asked how he felt about it, and the truth was he did not feel anything at all. His family was not religious, and not believing in Jesus Christ sounded like a perfectly good reason not to celebrate his birth to him. He did not mind his house keeping its sobriety either; being exposed to flashing lights for more than two minutes gave him a mild headache, actually. He never thought it was sad, or whatever people said about those who did not celebrate, it was just behaving like usual in a time of the year which was just like any other period.

Still, he was having some troubles doing his deed. He had decided to start off with the interviews, since he knew from the beginning he would have had to rely on other people’s experiences, and also he wanted to get rid of the most distressful part first. That turned out not to be a good idea too.

Well, to be fair he did not have a choice. He just seemed to be particularly unlucky with the people he met. He tried his best to select those who looked more likely to actually answer his questions, but these last days also did their best to remind him the one thing he’s not good at: understanding others.

He wanted to develop a good thesis, so his intention was to gather information from people belonging to different social classes, age groups, gender, occupation and so on; he had thought that, if he had been able to analyse the phenomenon through different perspective, he would have also found the key to see the whole picture. Apparently he could have not been more wrong. 

Apart from being dragged down a rabbit hole of war stories and memories of a long dead man by an old lady, witnessing a college student have a full on mental breakdown and having a business woman tell him that her children were ruining her life and their expensive desires were driving her crazy - that would have been helpful, if only he had got the part about the economy - he received the same answers from everyone. And those were not answers he could work with.

A lot of his targets claimed that presents were the best part - both receiving and giving. It made sense, at least the part about receiving, because he really could not see the appeal of wandering all day through the streets - oh, the irony - looking for gifts and getting crazy while trying, and probably failing, to figure out what someone might appreciate. Again, it could have been an interesting take to explore for the economic aspect, but he should stop thinking about that.

No, the tradition of presents was actually a decent starting point, maybe it was kind of shallow and too closely connected with the intrinsic materialism of a consumerist society - okay, enough - and it was not completely clear to him why everyone was so obsessed with Christmas and not any other holiday if it was just about gifts, but he could make it work. What actually bothered him was the other answer he frequently received.

It was lights. People actually told him that they liked the little lights all over the buildings and all the other decorations. Lights. Was he supposed to say that what made the population radically change its habits and attitude in the month of December depended on lights? What is wrong with everyone?

Exchanging presents and “festive atmosphere” really was all he got. He could feel his average grade suffer. He was not going to let it happen, let alone because of a social studies assignment on the magic of Christmas. 

---

It was his fifth day of scanning the streets for someone who would give him some good material to work on. He had been reviewing his notes and the night before he had had an idea: it was his last resort, but time was running fast. Reluctantly, he made his decision. He was headed towards the 3E building and he intended to make a truce.   

When he did arrive at the building he could not find anyone. Class E was definitely odd, but how skilled each of them appeared to be at getting through that hell of a path down the mountain was beyond weird if you asked him. Maybe it was for the better, he thought. He would have found another way, he did not need any help, certainly not from them. 

Just as he was about to head back he noticed someone walking out of the building and towards him. Isogai arrived at the spot where he was standing fast, stopping at an appropriate distance before speaking.

- Asano-kun, I didn’t expect to see you. Do you need anything?

He did not look too happy to see him there, but he was very polite, just like it was expected from him. Isogai also seemed eager to know what brought him there, which was legitimate; he swallowed down his pride and forced himself to do what he came for. 

- Actually, yes, I do.

Gakushuu straightened his back before continuing.

- I’m writing an assignment for social studies about the social effects of Christmas and I need to interview some people. I haven’t received any satisfying answer so far, so, would you mind if I asked you a couple of questions?

Isogai was surprised by what he could tell. Fair, he thought. He was not aiming at him specifically, but any 3E student would have had the same reaction. Or a way less polite one. He had to admit, he was quite content having met him: he did not insult him and sent him away, which was already a lot, and Gakushuu did have some sort of respect for him, if he could call it that. He acknowledged he was smart and most importantly he was skillful enough to be able to use his intelligence to do a good job as class representative. He was from class E, so he mostly despised him, but a little less than he despised the others. 

- Of course. What is it?

He had hesitated for a couple of seconds before pronouncing the words, and Gakushuu guessed he had debated whether he should indulge in their conversation or not until the very last moment. 

- Do you consider Christmas important?

Isogai pondered his words upon answering.

- My family is Christian, but I’ll admit we don’t give much weight to the ritual celebration. Apart from that though, we do take Christmas seriously.

Gakushuu nodded slowly. Not religion then. He had already figured that bit on his own, religion might have been a relevant fuel in the past, but it could not get such an effect in these times. It was time to ask the infamous question then: he really hoped he was not going to hear presents and lights again; this really was his last resort.

- If not religion, what is it that makes Christmas so special? How is it different from any other holiday?

Isogai took yet another pause.

- Well, it is the only holiday that brings my whole family together. On Christmas day no one is at school, or at work, and even if it happened before that we had to spend it in the hospital, we still were all together.

A small smile was forming on his face as the words rolled out of his mouth; he may have not even realised the corners of his mouth rising ever so slightly.

- We also usually get to eat a meal that is a little more elaborate than our usual, and since we cook all together too it’s another chance to spend as much time as possible with each other without worrying about everyday’s problems. It’s the one day we can live completely carefree. And since everyone else tends to feel more generous, they leave higher tips, which is convenient.

Family. Was that the key? It was the message that also laid under those college students who mentioned some dishes that their relatives were going to cook and that they were looking forward to eating. He should have understood before, he told himself, but he knew he could not. He just could not. He was never going to understand what it really meant, he knew because he had forced himself to do it before. Even those times he had tried to picture a cohesive family, he still did not manage to get past the notion that the concept of family itself is supposed to be on a higher level than most things. Why would something one had no control over ever be so important? How could relationships decided by casuality alone be more relevant than those born out of mutual choice? It did not mean anything to him. He was never going to understand. 

But at least he had enough material to write a good essay now. He could have just thanked Isogai and left, but there was that last sentence he had said. He did not think too much before opening his mouth again.

- Don’t you think that’s hypocritical?

Isogai now gave him a full, conscious smile, even though it had a shade he could not quite place: it looked almost sympathetic. He shrugged before finally replying.

- Maybe it is, but I’m not in a position to judge, if anybody is.

Gakushuu was not sure about what he should do with that statement. It was something to think about.

- Alright, that’s all I needed. Thank you, Isogai-kun.

---

Gakushuu did not write the essay right away. Instead, he took his time to adjust all the information he had gathered. He did not take any notes while talking to Isogai, but he soon realised that was not going to be an issue at all: he remembered all his words perfectly, he noticed, and he proceeded to write them down in the evening. 

Later, he caught himself thinking about that conversation more than once. They did not even say much, and he wished they had taken some more time. Speaking with Isogai again was something he would have liked; they did not have much in common, but he still thought they might have some interesting discussions, if only they had the chance. 

He actually ended up handing in his paper on the last day. It was not usual for him, or, to be honest, it should be said it had never happened before. He knew he had made excellent work.

---

It was not evening yet, but the sun had set long ago. The sky was clear and a soft yet glacial wind was blowing; Christmas lights seemed brighter when the moon was not high up in the sky, drowning the stars themselves with their overwhelming glow. After a careful analysis, Gakushuu was confident in confirming that he hated them, and the flashing ones still gave him a mild headache. How all those people could appreciate them was forever going to be a mystery. 

Mindlessly walking through the city centre, he was still thinking about that assignment. It had kept him occupied for a good portion of time,  and he was glad it was now something he did not have to worry about anymore. As he was passing close to a café, something at the corner of his eye caught his attention. He stopped by the side of the street, unsure of the reason, and peeked through the café’s window: there he saw Isogai serving a couple of elders with a warm smile on his face. He was working hard, probably, no, surely looking forward to spending the next day with his mother and siblings. The man he had just served handed him what looked like a very generous tip, and his mind trailed back to that one conversation again. He could not understand Isogai’s situation either, he had to admit it, at least to himself. At the moment, it felt okay. Realising he could not understand everything for once did not feel like a tremendous crime he had to atone for. It actually seemed to him that he could empathise with Isogai, just for a second, and despite knowing it was nothing but an ephemeral feeling that was going to be gone in a flash, it made him feel well. Maybe poor people deserved rights, after all.

Then Isogai noticed and his face went pale. Gakushuu did not immediately interpret that reaction correctly, but he soon became aware of what his presence there had meant in the past: he thought he was going to tell his father about it. 

Isogai excused himself and rushed outside to meet him without even bothering to grab a coat and started talking before Gakushuu had the chance to clarify his intentions. 

- Asano-kun, I know I shouldn’t be working but I really-

- I’m not going to report you to the headmaster.

Gakushuu interrupted him immediately. Isogai did look significantly relieved.

- I was just passing by. But since I’m here I wanted to thank you for helping with my assignment. It was an interesting conversation.

Isogai’s eyes were wide open - he almost looked like a deer caught in the headlights. But soon he started to warm up and reserved him a smile similar to the one he gave to the clients in the café.

- Oh, I’m glad I was helpful. It was interesting indeed.

Gakushuu could almost feel himself starting to smile in the moments of silence that followed, which he hurriedly broke. 

- Well, it’s cold. You should head back inside.

He quickly said then. Isogai was almost shivering actually, but he looked somehow pleased. Gakushuu suspected he had seen him smiling, but he could not be sure.

- Yeah, that’s right. Merry Christmas then, Asano-kun.

He greeted him; his smile might have been brighter than those Christmas lights.

- Merry Christmas, Isogai-kun.

He really did not despise him that much.

---

After leaving the café, Gakushuu decided to head home. The walk was not long and he deemed it quite relaxing. He was not paying a lot of attention to the familiar buildings of his neighbourhood: everything was in place, just as it was when he had left the house in the morning. 

Except there was a difference, a small detail that could have gone unnoticed and that most people had surely missed, but which appeared like a massive change to his eyes: on his house’s front door there was a Christmas wreath. It was small and quite simple, but it was there. He stared at it for what might have been a whole minute before snapping out of the shock and entering the house. 

He found his father sitting on the sofa reading a book like nothing had happened, but he was the only person who could have put it there. 

- What does it mean?

Gakushuu asked as soon as he arrived in the living room, without bothering to greet him first.

- What is it? 

His father asked, his eyes still fixed on the book in his hands. 

- The Christmas wreath on the front door, what about it?

- I don’t know what you’re talking about. 

Gakushuu stared at his father for a handful of seconds, before huffing what sounded like a “whatever” and going straight to his room. There, he allowed himself to smile.

[mysticalmusicwhispers]

HELLO I'M BACK!! GUESS WHO HAS A TERM BREAK COMING IN A FEW DAYS I'M VERY HAPPY :D this ask is Very Long so i'm going to split it up into a few parts

part 1/2

But honestly, it would probably be something like “I’m going to bring a (dead) chicken to class for show and tell and you two need to act horrified and cause a ruckus because it would be fun and it would scare the other kids :)”. (this is probably bullying, so in an effort to make them slightly better kids, an alternative plot is that a stray cat has been coming to their school and in order to make friends with it, they feed it a whole-ass dead chicken Nyo China got from the butchers and was planning to cook for dinner. The teachers are horrified and confiscate Yao’s backpack for fear of germs and salmonella.)

hhhhhh the first idea is SO FUN my gremlin repressed anger eight year old self would've loved it. the idea of bringing a stinking plastic bag to school, opening it, revealing a dead, fly-infested chicken and then maybe playing a small game of lobbing the chicken around for funsies is both simultaneously horrifying and amazing. however the second idea is also amazing, one of my previous schools had stray cats and staff and students would feed and pet them (and i miss it :( ) and it was the Best feeling... or maybe they could do BOTH? but this time they're planning to bring a dead chicken to feed the cat (aw, even if yao probably gets detention. also a lecture from nyo china on what exactly you should feed a cat, including why you shouldn't steal the chicken she bought to feed it.) and the next time they can bring like. a bunch of dead flies to show their classmates but in a not bully way. i went once to this family friend's house in a part of the countryside that had an abundance of flies. (i literally haven't thought of this in years i'm remembering so many childhood things because of this omg) they had this paper covered with glue that the flies would land on and then be stuck on the paper. it was both disgusting and amazing to watch a black mass of bulbous bodies straining with their legs (which were probably thinner than my hair) to escape the paper. i also think that indchuran, being both little sadists in the making and having an abudnace of fascination like many children, would take great delight in watching an unsuspecting fly landing on the glue, watch it still, glancing around eerily similarly to when humans realise they have gotten themselves in a bad situation, and then start struggling with all their might to get out. but fuck the flies tho they landed on our food all the time there and it sucked. they can die :)

THE PROBELM is... how will they get that many flies in what i assume would be a gentrified ass area with frequent fumigation efforts given that nyo china would not accept anything than the best elementary education for her ward?? (i have a solution) maybe indus has friends in the countryside and she goes with aditya to visit them. and while they are talking aditya wanders about and discovers a few pieces of paper filled with flies. because he is a gremlin, he is Fascinated with these pieces of paper, and he takes one out to Further Examine. all the adults yell at him, but he is Fascinated and will not be stopped. and then a Thought occurs to him: who would probably enjoy this as much as he would? duh, his friends of course! good things must be Shared even if they're kind of disgusting! so what he does is he gets a disposable plastic tupperware like container, very gently places the fly paper into it, pokes a few holes for air, sprinkles some sugar because he thinks that'll keep them alive, and wraps most of it up in duct tape he found so indus can't see it. unfortunately most of the flies died on the way home because the container was stuffed into aditya's bag and the paper slid to the side + there wasn't enough air, BUT the dead flies are still a Sight to behold when he visits iran's house (which yao is /coincidentally/ visiting) to show them. then he brings it to school after the weekend, and everyone is Fascinated and thinks it is Very Cool, at least until the teachers see it and start screaming. they throw it away but indchuran get an Idea to put dead flies into the bags of people they hate (this is now just bullying) so that opens up a very few interesting weeks of attempts to collect flies in a fumigated city and Horror for the school. fun times for all!

😔 finding and reading that encyclopedia is probably one of my formative memories now and i wish it wasn't 😔 i bet yao during his teenage years would look back on it and be like "... oh my GOD." but i think he would appreciate her directness even if he didn't absorb all the information correctly or remember most of it lmao because it seems like only a very small percentage of the world has actually good sex ed and i don't think indchuran's school would be an exception. at least nyo china like you said instilled a good sense of consent with them 😔 also the idea of saying fuck in mandarin makes me break out in hives the AUDACITY of saying fuck in your first language but of course he would. he WOULD. nyo china probably wouldn't even have purposely taught him that which is why he doesn't know what it means, just that it's an insult, but once they come up to her to complain all she does is give them a Terrifying Contemptuous Glare and steer yao away from them. yao is her kid and therefore entitled to say fuck whenever he wants.

Prev

First things first I hope you had a good term break! this is... very overdue sorry about that :(

Second, ALSK:FJ:SLFDKSFDLKJSLDF the fly infested chicken is disgusting and I want so badly to intervene,,, they need hELP. Please learn about proper sanitation, children, I’m begging you T-T. Also, headcanon accepted: they’re ostensibly bringing it to feed the cats (which is hopefully allowed) but also they want to terrorize (or awe) their fellow classmates with this discovery. Watch the school call up nyo china about this, but she gets annoyed only because yao wasted human food in order to feed cats, not because he brought an inappropriately dead chicken to school that scared the younger kids and fellow classmates lol; what a great value system. Also this scenario def happened:  School: your child got in a fight. Nyo China: Oh no! Did he win?

I am both fully revolted and half fascinated by the flypaper thing because on one hand I CANNOT stand flies, and killing them is 178% gross. But also the way you described it is... very compelling and I would like to experience that, gross as it is lol. So yea I can definitely see those three nastily observing the flies getting stuck to the flypaper one by one... they all intently watch the flypaper with round and curious eyes and it really looks very cute from far away, three heads of fluffy hair close together and bent over something, carrying on an animated whispered discussion, until you get closer and see that they’re watching flies on flypaper •—•;; An even more gross scenario would be if one of them accidentally squashes one and they crowd around to see what fly guts look like 😭 bonus points if it happens during school. Also YES to Indus’s countryside friend; I feel like India would have a lot of fun exploring over there and would be able to bring back v cool stories for city slicker Yao, and also Iran (although I don’t know where they’d live precisely. I feel like they’d probably have a medium sized house with very nice art and Classy furniture (they got good taste from somewhere), but they’d also knows a lot about how rural areas work and stuff, so uh.. suburbs? Or something like that?)

“then he brings it to school after the weekend, and everyone is Fascinated and thinks it is Very Cool. . .” O—O sigh... three balls of absolute chaos. At least the other kids are fascinated this time instead of apprehensive ^-^ but the dead flies in lockers AL:KDSLFDSJF PLEASE NO me as an elementary student would have been absolutely horrified and I. really hope they get detention for that lol; Please Tone Down kids 😔 (also do y’all get flies in the lights at school? Because every single classroom I’ve been in has either had flies, wasps, moths, or some other black spots in the lights and they’d multiply as the year went on 😭 I never thought about it too much but... what if they linger around to watch the lights get cleaned? o-o)

“i bet yao during his teenage years would look back on it and be like "... oh my GOD."” YEAH there’s always a select few memories that make you realize “what even WAS that” and I think this is one lol. Yao just buries it in the back of his spacious mental closet and makes India and Iran swear not to bring it up again but inevitably they do :))))) they find it rather hilarious, actually. Also yes at least Nyo China did a good job in that department!

“also the idea of saying fuck in mandarin makes me break out in hives the AUDACITY of saying fuck in your first language but of course he would” lol I wrote that thinking he'd call someone a 王八* (because it could technically pass as a regular noun o-o. Who knows, maybe he was insulting someone for being slow like a turtle but it got out of hand due to word choice lol) but... the second scenario is quite something... I don't know whether I should laugh or cry. RIP the other parents who just have to fervently hope that disgraceful kid from next door grows out of his foul mouth soon (he never does, just gets better at pretending his language is elegant and not at all dirty XD)

*for non mandarin speakers 王八 is literally a soft shelled turtle, but is actually a pretty big insult in mandarin :)