#these two robots make me go absolutely bonkers

[digit4lech0]

[thecursivej]

SOTU - 2024

Well, I'm forcing myself to watch the State of the Union while I grade speeches, so I figured I'd record my reactions and thoughts here.

Do I hope for the words "Immediate Ceasefire"? Absolutely. Will we get them? Looking at the track record, probably not. But I remain optimistic because otherwise I'd be six feet under by now; ANYWHO here is a list of my reactions/thoughts/general feelings of the evening's watch.

I do want to give a point of clarity: I technically am identified as a democrat; truly, I'm a socialist, but seeing as how the U.S. is stuck in this godforsaken two-party-system, that is where I am. Though both sides have me feeling very french-revolutionary-esque.

Of course the first thing I see if MTG rifling through her purse on screen. I quite literally despise her.

AP is discussing Ukraine's need for weapons and funding; I would truly rather us align with Ukraine than Isr@el. I will stand unapologetically firm for Palestine and Ukraine.

Who is actually in the cabinet? I know Blinken, Garland, and Buttiegeg. Damn, wish he was running again. Would rather have him than Biden.

How insane is it that the Sec. of Defense didn't even let the White House know that he had to go in for surgery because of cancer. Like, that's just bonkers to me.

Republicans truly look like fucking robots right now. No warm greetings, no hellos, simple nods.

Republicans out here wasting fucking time with that impeachment of Mayorkas. Like how about we house the homeless populations with the money they wasted on this circus.

Oh funky fresh look at the Ultra-Mormon(TM) Mitt Romney.

MTG with that stupid fucking MAGA hat on is just... disgusting. Like this bitch is crazy.

Okay Joe, speed it up down the fucking aisle please. I got papers to grade.

Lowkey Joe looks like he might have had a five-hour energy drink with that big-ole look in his eyes.

I do appreciate that Joe still smiles and is kind to MTG. She truly doesn't deserve it.

Okay this is getting just a wee bit too monarchy for me.

MTG holds up a button saying "Laken Riley..." (couldn't read the rest). Riley was a 14 year old girl murdered by a man who was an illegal immigrant of venezuela, and instead of handling this situation with grace, empathy, and love; MTG and others seem to be capitalizing on her death to push their anti-immigration rhetoric.

Okay, cool selfie skills Joe, but let's get on with it.

ALSO HOW IS JOE BIDEN GONNA BE SO IN DEPTH WITH TECH AND "Savvy" WITH IT WHEN MOTHERFUCKER WANTS TO BAN TIKTOK!? Hello?!

BERNIE AND RAPHAEL! I feel like I haven't seen these guys in 10 million years.

Oh thank god we're starting.

Aww the little hand shake thingy he does with Kamala makes my heart happy.

Did Joe just yell "tony"?!

Wow, even got some republicans clapping for him (probs not a good thing but here we are)

Okay, good bit of humor at the top; and a throwback to the 40s. Funky fresh.

Yeah we ain't living in ordinary times for damn sure.

Interesting point of democracy being attacked here in the U.S. AND Internationally. (Mentions Ukraine and Putin; no word on Gaza yet).

Someone busted out a Ukrainian flag and shook it; rock on.

OH SHIT HE GOT MIKE JOHNSON TO CLAP!

Appreciate the insistance that the U.S. won't send troops to UKR.

Good use of Reagan to connect with the Repubs; and compare to the predecessor (aka Tr*mp).

Mike Johnson nodding instead of clapping about the predecessor comment, trying to save his ass in Orange Man's eyes.

Welcome to NATO, Sweden!

If there is one thing that should connect Democrats and Republicans; it's hatred for Putin. Yet there's a mix of Repubs standing in agreement and sitting to back up the predecessor's comment on Putin doing "whatever the hell he wants"

Talking about Jan 6. What breaks my heart? My parents still believe it wasn't an insurrection. Yikes on Bikes for me.

The line "You can't love your country only when you win" hits hard and even got Mike Johnson to applaud in agreement.

Foreign AND Domestic. Need a hefty focus on that with the right-wing republican group (@ MTG, Gaetz, Cruz, etc.)

Discussing IVF in Alabama; good connection to the overturning of Rowe v. Wade. It sucks that Republicans HAVE THE POWER to protect IVF nationally but shot the damn bill down not even a week ago.

ABORTION IS A HUMAN RIGHT. BODILY AUTONOMY IS A HUMAN. FUCKING. RIGHT. (@ The Missouri Senators who support taking away bodily autonomy).

WOMEN AREN'T WITHOUT ELECTORAL AND POLITICAL POWER; WE ABOUT TO TURN UP IN FORCE MOTHERFUCKERS!!! Bring back the strats from the 1900s; time to use our power and go bonkers.

Someone get Joe a glass of water please. Motherfucker looks a bit parched and keeps coughing. I get that when my throat goes dryyy

Can Biden not restore RvW? Can he not by an executive order make RvW the law of the land already?

Revisiting COVID's start from 2020 (Next week is the four year anniversary since the global pandemic).

PFFT idk who just yelled "LIES" but that was comical AF.

Well, the pandemic still controls a big part of our lives... so...don't agree with that shit.

Man, everyone sitting-and-standing must be getting a HELLA calf work out.

Sure, unemployment is down and new jobs are built; but corporate greed is quite literally killing us. Can Congress or Biden do something, damn it?!

Are we beginning to feel it, though? Are we feeling good economics? I doubt we are.

Good job pointing out how both parties have failed to buy american products, but how this admin has established that.

There's a good two rows of Republicans who stand in applause; but the rest just... sit there. Like robots. It's freaky as fuck.

Joe is actually doing pretty great with the flow of this speech. Only a couple of stumbles, but overall pretty gucci. (He'd get a 9/10 on delivery in my public speaking class).

God these fuckers are really gonna make me run for office at this damn point.

Removing poisonous lead pipes... but there's still a water crisis in Flint, Biden. Like, what the fuckeroni do you mean?

Yes, let's invest in family farms; lets stop selling our farmland (especially in Missouri) to foreign countries (@ China buying up TONS of Missouri Farmland).

I love that the UAW president is here, because he straight up is my kind of people. Dude wears eat-the-rich shirts and calls out the unethical-ness of billionaires.

UAW President pointing to Biden saying "It's you!"; nah dawg, it's you Sean.

MIDDLE CLASS DID BUILD THE COUNTRY AND UNIONS BUILT THE MIDDLE CLASS MOTHER FUCKERS!!!

Yes we get back up but right now...we might be getting more french revolutionary-esque if y'all don't stop PLAYING WITH OUR LIVES.

Oh jesus not the 4-more-years chants.

Oh now we talking about the future

YES PLEASE END TRICKLE DOWN ECONOMIES.

Says he's not anti-corp; but points out how trickle down economics has only helped the wealthy.

Yeah, how the fuck does it hurt the wealthy to pay just a weeee bit more in taxes? Like dawg, what are you gonna do with another million? What's the point?

Ooooh is Biden about to rope the repubs into some bipartisan shit? Please do.

What is Republicans huge issue with capping insulin? Truly? Who does it harm? Billionaires still get billions.

[welcometothejianghu]

Welcome to another round of W2 Tells You What You Should See, where W2 (me) tries to sell you (you) on something you should be watching. Today's choice: 절대 그이/My Absolute Boyfriend

My Absolute Boyfriend is the 2019 Korean live-action adaptation of the Watase Yuu manga "Absolute Boyfriend." (There are two other adaptations, one Taiwanese and one Japanese.) It tells the story of a woman who has just broken up with her celebrity boyfriend, and the robot who becomes a real boy by falling in love with her.

(And yes, the reason we started watching it was because of Yeo Jingoo, since the tantalizing prospect of "that guy who played Han Juwon, playing a robot boyfriend" was too amazing to pass up.)

I need to note right off the bat: I am not usually a consumer of bippy k-dramas, romcoms, or het romance in media in general. No shade to anyone who likes these thing; they're just not my regular cup of tea. So if your tastes are akin to mine, you may have looked at the poster and been like, hm, no thank you.

Thus I am here to try and sell you on it even if you are not a fan of these genres.

This show is so unwatched that (as far as I can tell) there is nothing for it on AO3. There are a mere eight hits for the manga, Zettai Kareshi | Absolute Boyfriend, but there's nothing at all for this adaptation. This is an absolute crime, for reasons I will detail in the forthcoming five reasons to watch (above and beyond the simple pleasure of watching Yeo Jingoo be a handsome goober, though that remains a serious point in its favor):

1. Balls entirely to the wall

You know those Tumblr posts where someone comments and is like, at no point could I have predicted what the next word in that sentence would be? Yeah, that, only the sentence is the show.

This show is absolutely bonkers. It is absolute storytelling mayhem. It is gleefully head-clutching weird. Someone told it that girls like exactly three things -- cute boys in adorable outfits, cute boys with their shirts off, and cute boys in Situations -- and it is ready to deliver.

I could tell you what the plot of the show is, or at least I could try, but that wouldn't convey the sheer volume of shenanigans it gets up to. I feel like every time it had a flashback montage (set to one of its six licensed pop songs), I was like, oh yeah, that happened.

The thing, too, is that it's so self-aware. This show knows precisely what it is, and it's having fun with it. The acting is often melodramatic, but obviously very consciously so. I'm not going to say the show never takes itself seriously (because it does -- see my point #5), but it never doesn't know exactly what it is.

Browsing the MyDramaList page, I can see that a lot of viewers had lukewarm feelings on the show as a whole. (Normally I don't make the mistake of reading the comments, but since this is such a non-property in English-speaking fandom, I had to go find out what the hell.) And yeah, I can imagine that if you came into this expecting a more straight-faced entry in the genre, what you get could be confusing and alienating.

If you watch this, take off your nitpicker's hat. There are many, many points that do not make sense. Just go with it. Let the cute boys take off their shirts. Kiss a robot. Embrace chaos.

2. A++ Girlfriend

Eom Dada is great. She's just so weird. I love her and I absolutely understand why those two boys want to get with her.

She is a special effects makeup artist who runs her own three-person team that specializes in sci-fi/horror properties. One of the first things we see her doing is mixing up a bunch of different types of fake blood, because, hey, a lot of different stunt people are going to die today, and you can't just use one type of blood for everybody!

She is a dadgumn professional, is what she is.

What she isn't, however, is a pick-me, not-like-the-other-girls girl. Several times, she gets dressed up real cute and femme, and she never expresses negativity toward her more girly-girl friends. It's not that she's rejecting femininity so much as that her vision of femininity is big enough to include creating beautiful fake severed body parts. When someone describes a female character as "quirky," I cringe reflexively. But that's what she is! She's got quirks! She's a nice, normal girl who is also a big weirdo.

Since I did go read the comments, I found out pretty quickly that a lot of viewers hate her. Part of this, I'm sure, is just your generic vitriol you see aimed at any woman in a show, because holy fuck, we sure do hate women.

But I think part of it may come from how she's not asking "how high?" every time those boys tell her they'd like her to jump. There's some real viciousness out there toward women that turn down men, epecially from other women. Without getting too much into psychoanalysis about it, an awful lot of hate gets directed from other women toward the female ex-/partners of desirable men, much of which comes from the terrible assumption that if you were in her position, you'd be appropriately grateful! You'd treat that boy right! That lucky bitch doesn't know how good she's got it!

...You see how that's bad, though, right? Like, really bad and toxic?

Eom Dada tells those boys "no" when she doesn't want what they're offering. She's realizes early on that setting yourself on fire to keep your partner warm is terrible, so she stops. She's going to make them wait until she wants it -- and if she never wants it, well, those boys just get to keep right on waiting!

Read me loud and clear: I'm not saying the only reason to dislike Eom Dada is misogyny. Sometimes you just don't like a character! It happens! It's legal! What I am saying, though, is that when you look at a lot of the hate toward her all at once, certain trends emerge, and they're more than a little bit ugly.

And I think that's unfair because she's an absolute pumpkin who deserves all the smooches and spicy noodles she wants.

3. ...Are they gonna kiss?

And by "they" here, I don't mean Girlfriend and Robot Boyfriend, who obviously smooch. I mean Robot Boyfriend and Ex-Boyfriend.

They hate one another! They make heartbreaking sacrifices for one another! They're vicious rivals! They team up to solve mysteries! They're incredibly suspicious of one another! They trust one another completely! What the actual hell is going on with these two? Because oh boy, the show itself sure doesn't know.

Their relationship yo-yos constantly throughout the length of the series. They're never friends, but they get weirdly close on several occasions, including rescuing one another from terrible predicaments. They also both seem fascinated with each other, above and beyond how they're competing for the affections of the same girl. The actors have some solid chemistry (much of it comedic) in their shared scenes. They're certainly not afraid to get right up in each other's personal space.

This isn't queerbaiting, it's not using gay as a punchline, it's ... something, that's for sure. And by that I mean, I don't know if I've ever seen a more powerful vindication of the principle that the optimal solution to every love triangle is a threesome.

This to me is one of the flaws of the show, that it has decided it must never acknowledge the strength of their independent bond outside of its place in the central love conflict, and to keep from doing so, it keeps nuking Ex-Boyfriend's character back to square one. He learns about love and trust and growth! ...and then we need the plot to have a which boy will she choose??? conflict, so he's got to unlearn all of that real quick so he can be a real dillhole again. If it didn't feel obligated to do that, things would get sexy fast, I'm just saying.

Here is the main reason I'm baffled that I'm getting no AO3 hits for this: These three would be one hell of a throuple. Where are my bisexual horndog fix-it fics where all three of them wind up sharing Ma Wangjoon's comically large bed?

4. Weirdly healthyish messages about romance?

I mentioned earlier that het romance in media is not my thing, and one of the main reasons it's not is how many just gross messages it delivers about normative gender roles and behaviors.

This show absolutely starts that way. Robot Boyfriend is raised on all your classic romcoms and taught that love is all about giving everything with no concern for your own well-being, while at the same time overriding all your partner's objections because you know what she really wants. When he first latches on to Eom Dada, he's kind of your classic overbearing comedy stalker who doesn't take no for an answer, because True Love.

And then ... he changes. He realizes that his romcom education is not going to help here, so he decides to figure out what kind of boyfriend she actually wants. Once he does that, he starts to figure out that he wants to be loved too. And that's when things get interesting.

He never stops being pretty forward about things, but it becomes far more playful when he's not pressuring her, just reminding her that the offer is still on the table. Eom Dada then responds by becoming clear about how she definitely wants to take this boy out for a spin -- just at her own pace, when she herself is ready for it.

It makes an interesting contrast to how, when she was with Ex-Boyfriend, all she wanted was for him to acknowledge her (which he wanted to do too, but couldn't, for absolutely bonkers reasons, because this show is just Like That). The two of them are still in love, but the show makes it clear that being in love doesn't mean you're going to be good together -- and it doesn't mean you have to forgive the bullshit your ex-partner pulled back when you were together.

But the love triangle isn't even the sole source of romance! There's a whole 'nother love ... triangle? quadrilateral? Whatever, you've also got Robot Boyfriend's charmingly goofy MIT-educated co-creator/trainer/big brother, who becomes the object of affection for at least two of the supporting characters.

My take on this is that Handsome Robot Hyung deserves the whole harem: the boss lady who can pick him up, the cute thirsty girl who does yoga, and the sweet gay-coded boy who is so impressed that he knows robots. (This is another tragic casualty of the NO HOMO attitude of the show, where that boy should be treated as a legitimate love interest, but can never be. But we know better!)

I'm used to seeing love triangles solved in one of three ways: 1) one point on the triangle gets demonized so significantly as to make the other one the obvious choice; 2) the eventually unchosen point gets given a Consolation Prize Significant Other so we don't fell too bad about how they didn't get chosen; or 3) one point dies or is otherwise removed from the narrative, letting the other two hook up without guilt. None of those things happen to either of these love polygons. Despite some genre-appropriate catty, melodramatic speed bumps, everything gets resolved in the manner of adults with reasonable amounts of emotional maturity. It's weirdly kind of nice.

(This isn't to say there's no toxic bullshit that slips in -- for instance, I still don't know what to make of that one arguing couple, or what Robot Boyfriend says to them. It's just much less than I expected.)

Your mileage may vary about the choices the show makes at the very end. It's not how I would have ended it, sure, but I also don't think it could have ended any other way -- remember, this is a show that never forgets what it is. It is contractually obligated by its genre conventions to keep certain narrative promises. If anything, I think it's interesting how much it feels it can get away with leaving hopeful yet unresolved, up to and including how many people are still comfortably single at the end of the show. Partnered romance isn't always the solution to everything! Sometimes you've got your career and you've got your friends, and now you've got some time to work on yourself! Maybe it won't always be that way, but it sure is right now. And that's great.

5. A surprisingly sophisticated meditation on memory and mortality (say that five times fast)

Real talk: In the past four months, I have lost a lot of people, places, and animals who were very dear to me, and had some close calls with a couple more. It has sucked exactly as much as you think it has.

So yeah, in the last few episodes, I blew through some tissues.

To a certain degree, it's exactly the kind of melodramatic tearjerker narrative you'd expect from a property like this. And let me tell you what, there is nothing wrong with getting a good, sappy cry going because of the overwrought dramas of fictional people. There are plenty of objectively mediocre shows and movies I put on because I know I'm going to be a blubbering wreck by the end.

This show, however, has the extra layer of interest that Robot Boyfriend is both Boyfriend and Robot. I don't want to spoil anything, but I will say that having a guy designed to be reformatted every time a new person smooches him adds a whole lot of interesting layers to what counts as death and mourning.

Add that to how Eom Dada is still grieving the loss of her beloved father, who taught her everything she knew about her career, and you get some surprisingly moving little moments that creep in through the wacky hijinks that make up the rest of the show.

Look, it's nothing I'd ever teach in a Philosophy seminar, or anything so profound as that. But it's quiet and nice, and it has more depth than I expected, and it all hit me right in my tender little feels box. If that's the kind of thing you're open to, you could do a lot worse.

Thinking about giving this one a shot?

Viki's got the series in its full 40-episode run. (It's actually 20 hour-long episodes split in half because of commercial break rules, if you're wondering why it's sometimes Like That.) So does Tubi. I guess your choice then becomes which one's ads you'd rather sit through.

I think if you go into this with the attitude that you're just going to go with it all and laugh at how zany it is, you're in for a fine time. Whether or not you think it's good is up to your standards of quality. But it's hard to deny that it's a whole lot of fun.

And then get your ass to AO3 and give me some OT3! Mama needs these three cutie patooties to smooch~

[girlfriendsofthegalaxy]

tuesday again 10/17/2023

started explaining why this one is a little lighter than last week's gallery wall behemoth bc of a uhhhh kind of dire week, personally and professionally speaking, but then realized when fic authors do that in front of chapters i don't actually care or require an excuse from them, im just delighted to have a new chapter.

listening

this is a deeply cheesy little folk song but the lyrics "man you name it and if we ain’t got it: we’ll get it" gave me a sensible chuckle.

now for a moment to expound upon houston: they truly have imported every possible food service establishment. the two chains i miss most from jersey, jersey mikes submarine sandwiches and 7-11 gas stations, are both here. i get that this is the fifth largest metro area in the US or whatever but both of these companies are SO niche. absolutely bonkers. spotify.

i think this started autoplaying after a playlist inspired by f/allout: new v/egas came on??

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reading

i originally had a very mean-spirited graf about the utility of a pool in northwestern massachusetts and the kind of person who can comfortably lose $31k, but it is genuinely awful that there are no rules around zelle. that money goes into a black fucking hole and there's no way to get it back, which is not the case for any other kind of recognized money except cryptocurrency

Did we confront Gary Kruglitz [the pool contractor]? Yes we did. We marched right into his office and grilled him hard until he defeated us with a simple and probing question: What's a zelle? It defied belief, we quickly realized, that a man who had been trapped in technological amber since the Nixon era was running a cyberscam designed to come between us and our money out of an AOL account.

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watching

Van Helsing (2004, dir. Sommers). this movie is horrible. this movie is terrific. i don't have anything to say about this movie bc i was distracted by equal opportunity tits and asses the entire time. the time of the “Kate Beckinsale in a corset” movie genre is long over but GOD. watched with my sister bc it's leaving tubi soon

playing

one week i will have the energy to try New Thing but until i do it’s genshin. there's a poetry event that has terribly boring minigames, but the story quest has finally tied a bow on a piece of folkore we came across in the very first release so that was fun!

wrapping up some stuff in sumeru bc im running out of map pins, this game has done one of the things i hate most: progress-locking one extremely long and tedious collectible hunt (the music gates) behind another extremely long and tedious collectible hunt (the robots locked in the vines). the next time i see one of those little fucking budget koroks i am going to drop kick it into the sun. what the fuck is the circumference of teyvat anyway. it feels like we have explored so little of this planet's surface

i have graphics turned down pretty low bc of performance issues on my elderly laptop and this is still such a remarkably pretty game. look at this big estuary leading off into the distance

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making

i wildly overextended myself this week, partially bc im trying to take advantage of this brief post-covid heightened immunity. lot of dinners. lot of late nights. on top of that BOTH of my siblings were in town for unrelated professional reasons this week :) no overlap so we did not have a nice fambly dinner :( but did have pretty okay separate dinners :) if they could learn to fucking communicate their trave plans and the number of peope that will be showing up at my home that would also be pretty okay >:(

one of the party games i played this week asked the question “what could you give a 40-minute PowerPoint presentation on” and i started saying facts about the downfall of the penn central railroad and they very nicely let me continue saying facts about the downfall of the penn central railroad, the largest bankruptcy in US history until ENRON, until the round timer went off.

i have some thoughts about Train Guys and how it's very easy to fall into being a Train Guy, bc there's a very easy template to follow, and there's a lot of Train Guy content, and have i been doing this bc i actually like trains, or bc it's easy to listen to Well There's Your Problem on repeat bc it's familiar and comforting, or do i just really really really fucking hate flying?

who could possibly say.

mackintosh update: allowed herself to be scooped up by my brother (who she met at christmas and loves) but did NOT allow herself to be pet by the strangers in his company. did hang out in the middle of the floor observing tho. a regular little extroverted socialite!

[cyberdragoninfinity]

*stokes the fire* Aporia

thinking about that tweet that's like "i like your funny reply friend! you'll be buried in my pyramid with me when i die"--that's how i feel with you delightful anons who give me excuses to Go Bananas About Aporia. said with so much love in my heart. thank you <3

favorite thing about them: GOD. THERE REALLY IS SO MUCH. Of course I love his design, it's absolutely bonkers in the best way--if you told me two years ago there was a nine foot tall monster robot yugioh character with angel symbolism out the ass i would have been like EXCUSE ME. HELLO. *RUNNING OVER* but also!! his arc is just fucking GOOD. he's just this sad and complex and angry and miserable old old old man in a robot werelion body who's actually three people who are actually just one person. peak yugioh villain nonsense i absolutely adore it. and i LOVE when villains have the face turn and fight back against the Big Bad as much as they can. it goes hard!!! (but also, specific small thing thats one of my favorite things about him--it's like, very implied despite being Gigantic he's fairly dexterous and gentle with how he handles things?? Always grabbing his tiny cards very delicately and doings little tricks with them and in tag force 6 (Citizen Kane for Insane Aporia Girlies) he actively tells you the protagonist that he doesnt make mistakes with how much force to use with things (being a machine and all.) idk it's just very cute to me. it's a sweet detail.)

least favorite thing about them: pained smile. big man proper's literally only in.....about 9-10 episodes total??? <:) crying. wailing. my kingdom for a SLIVER of more screentime. it's also a shame like. 2/3s of his episodes never got dubbed, I would have absolutely adored to see what the dubbed version would have looked like!! (especially since those eps include like. my Favorite 5ds duels. it'd be like having two whole cakes babey!!!!)

favorite line: ok im restraining myself from picking something from Tag Force because all of his dialogue in TF6 makes me sick in the head and i love it but I WILL PICK. SOMETHING FROM THE ANIME. LIKE A NORMAL PERSON. god. it's gotta be these.

also "I was imprisoned by my feelings, so you can have my feelings" which he says immediately before this, also to Z-ONE. A.) theyre just raw as hell, B.) ooohhhh my god ohhhh my fucking godddddd he loved him so fucking muuuuuch buy my fucking SILENCE

brOTP: when people draw him being friends with leo and/or luna i get soooooo soft ;_____; my kingdom for an AU where aporia got to live and could interact with them for once not under the pretenses of needing to Kill Team 5Ds. WAUUGH. also i guess brotp adjacent but him interacting with his embodiments is so fucking funny and it's apparently just me and the tag force devs who see and know the truth on that.

OTP: ooouugh...oughhhhh you Know im talking bout those old old men!!!!! i am #1 absolute adorer of the Iliaster Four Stars Peepaw Polycule (Aporia/Z-one/Paradox/Antinomy) we know this we know this. but special mention to my most favorite combo of that of all, my beloved Z-ONE/Aporia. see above. it doesnt even have a damn ship name 🤪they just!!!! make me absolutely fucking insane. theyre married theyre divorced theyre god and his most devoted archangel theyre old friends theyre a Fleetwood Mac album and theyre EVERYTHING TO ME!!!!!!! the second i get over worrying about being annoying i will Not shut up about them even more!!!!!

nOTP: i think if you ship with rua/leo you should go to jail and then directly to hell immediately after <3

random headcanon: Aporia Aporiaaaa my beloved bisexual italian/cuban autistic nonbinary dadgirl. i think in another life where he wasnt Extremely Fucked Up and Died Like Five Times he could have been good with kids. also. i think in the implied fixed future where the Four Stars get to live normally he would be a furry. him and eurea both. furcon couple

unpopular opinion: he's a GOOD CHARACTER!!!! HE AND THE EPISODES HE'S IN HAVE MERIT!!!!!! NOBODY BUT LIKE MAYBE 12 PEOPLE GIVE A DAMN ABOUT THIS GUY BUT HE ROCKS AND I THINK MORE PEOPLE SHOULD KNOW ABOUT HIM!!!!!!! drawing my big sword (draw tablet) I Will Make Them Know About Him. >:)c

song i associate with them: i, dana "the mountain goats lover" ninetales of course. keep finding tmg songs to associate with characters. And Genesis 30:3 is one of my favorite songs for Aporia, especially re: his dynamic with Z-ONE. "I will do what you ask me to do/Because of how I feel about you." IS SO!!! MUFFLED WAILING.

favorite picture of them: oh man. *slams my giant briefcase of aporia screenshots down on the table* ok. ok let's see. just ONE favorite? alright. ok. i got this. hm. this one i think

A.) aaauuughh i love his 'broken' form i need to draw it sometimes....the Moment energy lines...... B.) TINY TINY FUCKING CARDS!!!!, C.) this is from the exact moment where something in my brain clicked and was like "oh. oh this guy is in my head now for real. maybe i do fuck with his design" and. well. things snowballed <3

[skunkstripe]

top five horror movies, top five movies in general, top five music genres, top five ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm creatures

ohhhhh shit ! asks in bulk!!

okay ummm top 5 horror movies:

1) bride of re-animator. some of the most impressive practical effects i've ever seen. it's just absolute insanity the whole time. truly the most entertaining thing i've ever watched. no plot only medical malpractice and gay divorce.

2) coraline. stop motion rulesssss i love you stop motionnnn!! and this movie was, at the time of release, the most complex stop motion movie out there. the kind of movie where you'll notice something new every time you watch it. i also have a weakness for stories about doppelgangers and the horror of having a family.

3) us. for many of the same reasons as coraline. has a lot of absolutely jaw dropping moments for me. every time i watch it i see it from a different light. the music rocks. the characters are all so compelling and the actors are doing suchhh a good job playing two roles each.

4) the lighthouse. this movie is bonkers i love it. the atmosphere is phenomenalll everything feels so grimy and worn down. you're never sure what's real and what's imagined. both those guys acted their dicks clean off i really have to hand it to them.

5) this is a tough choice!! if short films are allowed, i'll say jack stauber's opal. i'm also tempted to list hausu or susperia (1977), although i've only seen those movies once each.

top 5 movies in general:

1) bride of re-animator. (see above.)

2) coraline. (see above.)

3) us. (see above.)

4) pacific rim. incredible self confidence demonstrated by this movie. we see the kaiju almost immediately out the gate, there's no waiting around for the plot to start. everything and everyone has a name that is equally as cool as it is ridiculous. characters are all great, kaiju are all great, giant robots are cool as fuck and these ones are literally powered by love like come ON you gotta love it.

5) the nice guys. my favourites take on the buddy cop formula because neither of these guys are cops lmao. when i rewatch i'll usually notice a visual gag i missed previously. there's just a lot going on and i love it. march is a sopping wet beast with a scream only dogs can hear and healy is my transition goal.

top 5 music genres:

i don't think i'm enough of a music expert to make this list tbh! often my favourite songs are ones that combine genres or defy categorization. which is why gorillaz are on my spotify top 5 every single year lmao. but punk music is forever my favourite genre.

top 5 creatures:

1) virginia opossums. i'm biased bc that's my fursona hehehe. they've got 13 nipples in a spiral shape and they eat ticks. everyone clap and cheer for canada's only native marsupial!

2) red pandas. as a wise person once said, they're red, what else could you ask for.

3) giraffes. been thinking about these guys a lot lately as they are truly one of the strangest animals on earth. the most distressing fact i know about them is that they're the only animals born with horns.

4) platypuses. for much the same reason as giraffes. i'm a monotreme fan 4ever. i think god had a bunch of parts left over on the sixth day and said, ah fuck it, and the platypus was born.

5) all the other creatures :) i love you aminals <3

[rex101111]

Aaaaand that's it! Time is up and let's tally the score...*BZZZT* Oh! So sorry folks. To be fair the answer isn't too far, but let's go one by one on these, providing videos where I can find them, and tell you about the weird ass world of Ratchet and Clank (contains context free spoilers for a few games, the answer to the poll will be bolded if you just wanna skip to that): 1. One of the main themes of the series, first two games especially, was making fun of consumerism and the overreach of capitalism. One of the best jokes in the second game is when faced with a computer that contains plot critical info, it refuses to operate without first being paid ten thousand bolts (the games currency). Ratchet is not best pleased: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hzcPER6hwwI

2. In the game Full Frontal Assault (also known as Q Force), the main villain turns out to be a former side character from the second game; Zurgo, a fanboy of Captain Quark (who is both a superhero and celebrity). When learning of his true identity, Quark mentions he got a lot of letters from Zurgo...some of which contained "very disturbing fanfiction". 3. Okay a few tags about this one tickled me because they went "this sounds too normal this has to be it" but nope, here he is: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oHNZftXmf1U Not only that, but he's actually a secret bonus boss, that you need to come back with late game equipment to find and fight. Fun fact about this guy, you can only fight and beat him once per save file. In New Game Plus if you've beaten him before his arena stays closed.

4. Ah yes, the timeless tale of Lance and Janice. Dr. Nefarious, one of the most prominent and popular villains, is an evil robot with a curious little glitch. If he gets too angry, he short circuits and he starts broadcasting an absolutely bonkers soap opera about the seemingly endless troubles of two lovers. Its pretty much every soap opera cliche and joke on overdrive. Its great.

5. In Ratchet Deadlocked, the main villain is a network producer named...Gleeman Vox. And his network is, of course, the Vox Network. He's sleezy, he's rude, he's pompous and arrogant, and he runs a death game where he kidnaps heroes from across the galaxy to make them fight to the death. The game isn't that political, so the most Fox News-y thing he really does is use his Vox News show to slander Ratchet with obviously faked pictures and biased testimony...from former villains.

6. Okay God was a bit of intentional overstatement on my part...but only a little. Appearing in the first game as a quick gag (Plumber's Crack), he shows up again in he second game in a semi-secret area, making a quip about "seeing you in a year or so". About a year later the next game came out. And it just of spiraled from there. In the first PS3 game he makes a joke about "not recognizing you in High Def" and every time he shows up again it seems like he's not only aware of the fourth wall, but future events.

7. The winning option! And to be fair if I didn't know this series I would probably pick this one too. One of the bosses of Deadlocked is The Eviscerator, a huge bug guy with arm blades. An unlockable in New Game Plus reveals he's really good at cooking and spends most of his off time making gourmet meals.

8. Again, a bit of an exaggeration, but the Groovitron is no joke. Introduced in the first PS3 game, this baby can make every enemy and NPC in any game it appears in dance to the beat. All of them, even the final bosses! Of course its effect is rather short lived on bosses, but the fact remains that nothing is immune to this thing, and that's just funny to me.

9. Slim Cognito, yes that's his name, was introduced in the second game as a seller of After-Market ship upgrades, as well as a black market weapon mod dealer. He reappears in the third game, which is set in a different galaxy from the second, and explains his presence as having to escape from police after "a Suck Cannon upgrade was mistakenly sold to a minor." He even gives the old "I swear he looked 18!" excuse. Golden. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1ADZ9Ze-pGU

10. One of two options to get no votes! I'm actually kind of impressed, but I guess the entire plot of the second game is a bit harder to hide. But yeah, one of the main plot threads of Going Commando revolves around a manufactured pet that is a lot more dangerous than advertised.

11. Here it is, the actual right answer. Now this might have thrown people off because I kinda went with a technicality here. One of the most reoccurring weapon types in R&C is the "animal ray gun", which is always an unlimited ammo laser that turns enemies into, usually, harmless animals. First game had chickens, then sheep, ducks, one of the mobile games had cows, but no pigs! Technically. In Deadlocked, there's a weapon mod that you can optionally equip that turns enemies at low health into random animals, one of which being pigs. But a weapon that specifically turns people into pigs? Nope.

12. And the second one to get no votes! I guess I shouldn't be too surprised though, because if anything was going to escape this series to be known by people who never even played any of them...it was gonna be Death To Squishies. Yes, that pop star is named Courtney Gears. The game came out in 2004, give up a break.

Okay, inspired by my Ratchet and Clank thoughts, non-R&C, players, which of these DIDN'T happen in the franchise:

[seekerpsycho]

The ACME Special

Do you enjoy derailing your DnD campaign with bonkers overpowered combos? Well let me tell you about a maneuver I created called The ACME Special, and how it worked a little TOO well in my campaign. STRAP IN! So, you’re going to need four items to pull this off: 1. A Bag of Holding 2. A heavy object no more than 500lbs which can fit in the Bag of Holding, such as a safe filled with cannonballs. 3. An intelligent creature which obeys your commands and can fly (a Homunculus is ideal. Mine is a steampunk spider-robot named Bobbert. [art pending. Bobbert substitute from “Meet The Robinsons” below])

4. A Ring of Spell Storing or lesser-powered equivalent.

Now, if you’re an Artificer, you can instantly build your own Bag of Holding and the Homunculus yourself at level 2. Getting an object of nearly 500lbs is easy enough; find a rock, or chunk of a pillar (though a safe is the best option, for comedic value). Ring of Spell Storing is trickier, but you might persuade your DM to give you the opportunity to buy one from a magic vendor or such. You don’t even need a fully functional Ring of Spell Storing as written: you just need something that can store and release a level 2 spell (specifically, Enlarge, which an Artificer can learn at level 5) (Also, the Artificer can build an equivalent Ring at level 11, but the earlier you pull this off, the more epic). Now, how do you unleash the ACME Special? 1. Put heavy thing in Bag. Heavy thing is light while in Bag. 2. Charge Ring with a casting of Enlarge. 3. Give Bag and Ring to Homunculus. 4. Instruct Homunculus to fly 200ft above target you wish to absolutely obliterate. 5. Instruct Homunculus to flip Bag inside out, ejecting the safe, 6. and as it’s falling, have the Homunculus use the Ring to cast Enlarge on the safe, doubling its size in every dimension, and more importantly OCTUPLING ITS WEIGHT, to 4000lbs! 7. Argue with the DM that as per falling damage rules, a falling hero takes 1d6 damage for every 10ft they fall, to a max of 20d6 (which I interpret as terminal velocity after falling 200ft), and surely whatever the hero hits will take equal damage, so off the bat, the falling safe will deal 20d6. BUT, I argue that heavier objects should naturally deal more damage, surely that makes sense? So let’s assume that the 5e falling damage rules were built around the “average” hero weight of, oh, let’s say, 300lbs. Given our Enlarged safe weighs 4000lbs, it should deal (rounding down) 13 times the normal damage a falling hero would, meaning that The ACME Special should deal 260d6 falling damage to whatever player, monster, or other poor unfortunate soul it lands on!!! 8. Watch target magically lose its 3rd dimension. Now, have I unleashed The ACME Special in game? Yes I have. Did the DM let it play out as I designed it? Yes, but no. So, the scene: I’m a level 7 goblin Artificer working with a band of stoned misfits on a mission to assassinate a king to stop a war. Along the way we manage to charm a giant sea serpent, which we later cast Enlarge on to basically turn it into a kaiju.

We attack the capital city, leading with the kaiju. I instruct my Homunculus Bobbert thusly: “Bobbert! Guard dog mode! Follow kaiju! If encounter Omega-level-threat, deploy... The ACME Special.” Bobbert flies off with the Ring and the Bag and hovers a comfortable 200ft above our kaiju, ready to obliterate anything that might threaten our beastie.

The kaiju wrecks merry havoc, distracting the king’s army and citizens, and we break into the castle and begin searching for the king. We run into two boss monsters, but they would quickly become irrelevant.

Outside the castle, very much in a Godzilla vs Kong type encounter, a second kaiju has emerged from the sea to challenge our kaiju. The enemy kaiju is a beast we had encountered previously, and was well established as this universe’s version of Godzilla, and this is a territory / alpha male dispute type thing. The kaiju immediately clash, with the poor city citizens caught in the crossfire. The battle is fierce and epic, so huge that it’s changing weather patterns. In any case, this definitely qualifies as an Omega-level-threat, and so Bobbert diligently unleashes The ACME Special, which I’m confident will one-shot the enemy kaiju.

As I explained the mechanics of The ACME Special to our DM, there were a couple things I did not factor in, all stemming from our DM liking my clever idea a little TOO much. I failed to factor in: 1. The DM decided the “max of 200ft” rule of terminal velocity was silly. The higher the fall, the more damage, period. 2. Unbeknownst to me (that is, my goblin, currently in the castle), Bobbert had been swept up by a tornado and lifted to the whopping height of LOW ORBIT.

Bobbert unleashes The ACME Special.

A 4000lb safe, the likes of which would make The Looney Toons themselves weep at its beauty, plummets from the sky, catching fire and melting into a molten ball of slag and kinetic death as it does so.

The DM has me roll my original damage calculation, from which he would multiply his own numbers.

834 damage.

This number is meaningless.

The safe lands; it misses both kaiju but strikes the ground between them. The shockwave manifests as both a kinetic blast and heat, knocking behemoths across the city. Buildings are obliterated. Streets buckle, shatter, and are blown away. Once nigh insurmountable defensive walls are reduced to so much gravel. The king’s castle is blasted apart as if it were made of glass.

Through a combination of accidentally taking shelter in the castle basement and plot armor, my goblin and the rest of the team survive by the skin of our teeth.

One-point-five million civilians are not so lucky. There are zero other survivors within the city limits (other than the boss monsters, who wisely surrender immediately).

Bobbert hath become death, destroyer of worlds.

My character is now a mostly-accidental terrorist who has committed a war crime of magnitude never before seen in this universe. He is trying to keep this under wraps, which is thankfully possible due to the very limited pool of surviving witnesses.

But hey! The king (and the rest of his bloodline) is dead! Mission accomplished! I guess!

So,

take with you this forbidden knowledge, the DnD blueprints for a tungsten-rod-drop. Use it wisely.

The wisest move might be to never use it at all.

[lostinspacehypetrain]

One, im sorry for the note dump on your blog.

Two, this blog needs to stop making me cry, but im totally here for the emotion that is Lost In Space so the tears are all worth it.

I guess i should ask something. Favorite episode?

Don't worry about it, it's always fun to see someone fall down the same rabbit hole that I have, and it's totally worth the tears!

My favorite episode is, no doubt, S2 E9 Shell Game

There is so much going on but it's all compressed down so well - every individual character has their own agency and development happening concurrently and interacting with each other.

Hastings shows his true colors and throws John and Maureen out the proverbial airlock, leaving the remaining Robinsons without their support system. With Hastings hot on their trail and Dr. Smith getting back into form, helping him with a double-double cross- the Robinson children are forced to take the helm without the guidance of their parents. And they FLOURISH! The three scenes we get of them shows how much they have grown and developed as characters over the last two seasons.

Will finally following Robot and his choices, helping him do what is right and save Scarecrow, being a good friend and accepting change - directly influencing Penny to do the same with Vijay in the stairwell scene (cue Will being the heart of the Robinson family, their compass. I JUST- HMMMM- LOVE THIS SHOW).

Judy is grappling with her shaken faith in her mother's choices (cheating to get Will on board) and handles it beautifully - without shaking her siblings faith in their parents, while also pushing them to grow into their responsibilities.

All the while you have Adler coming to grips with Robot's possible sentiency, and the terrible things he'd done to Scarecrow over the past few years because of his denial. All to get home to his family. And now, all Hastings is asking him to do is to be in denial a little bit longer.

Judy and Penny driving the stolen Chariot down the halls of the Resolute is so bonkers-insane and completely Robinsonesque-

Don (after nearly dying again, resting) "Is something wrong?" (lays back and closes his eyes in exasperation with the universe and every Robinson in it) "What am I talking about of course there's something wrong."

Adler's complete and total paradigm shift and his face of realization-

S2 E10 Gets major credit for following through with the energy and giving us THAT Scarecrow fight scene, but Shell Game absolutely wins in my book.

[transtimusprime]

Can I raise you one completely bonkers? Because imma raise you one but it's absolutely bonkers.

The last panel looks like an eye.

An even before, it was a circle with a slab in the middle and the EmberStone placed in the middle. Looking like an eye too.

We know that it was used by Quintus Prime, but we don't exactly know what has happened to the guy. The only thing we know is that he got separated from the EmberStone. We also know that he helped establish Cybertronian culture.

But also, the EmberStone can give life. It can create new bots. It can grant power, and in that case it's to connect the terrana together. It also has water that can restore the terrans. Flow of life.... Blood if you will.

Why blood? Because if we take in account the huge eyes, the water, the fact it can create life and restore it but also grant power... I propose a bot.

And not a small one. A huge one.

If we take in account all that and bring up the fact that it seems to connect them all together to the EmberStone and that Mo asked for help from Quintus Prime and received it... It might be or Quintus Prime himself (but not sure since it's said that he lost the EmberStone but also the entire Quintesson business), or a bot he left behind as a guardian to the EmberStone.

Why a guardian? Because you're telling me that two kids in a cave can make the ground break??? When there could've been so many animals getting in there and being much much heavier (remember there's bears in the forest). You're telling me that the ground breaking and them finding the stone, while being kids who have parents who know, understand and accept cybertronians, is pure coincidence ? I don't think so.

There are forces at play here, and forces we don't know about since there is a damn inscription on the wall, left by Quintus Prime, that Bumblebee didn't manage to read.

Not only that but the capability to feeling what the other is feeling and being able to help them through that? Counsellor job. Which is great to have in a family, but also in a society.

Because yes, I'm also thinking about a city with Mo and Robby acting as city speakers. Or at least a guardian stuck in old cybertronian and since the gauntlets were given by them then they can communicate with the kid or something.

Because again, Quintus Prime helped establish Cybertronian society. Earth has Energon. (There's also the entire Unicron business, but we ain't talking about him rn). And what if Quintus saw earth, thought it was a nice place to have life on it and decided to leave the EmberStone do its job at creating new cybertronians? Because another thing is that only Mo and Robby were here during the creation of Thrash and Twitch. And after Alex was here too for Hashtag, Jawbreaker and Nightshade's creation. And despite them being cybertronians, there was only humans around, with Mo and Robby not having seen any real one before, and even less touched. So how did the stone knew how to make them, and most importantly mix them with humans, if it wasn't programmed in the first place?

Or maybe it was left here and it learn through time by itself, but again, you can't tell me that a bot creating stone didn't try to create anything before humans touched it. Yes I'm talking stone robot here.

Like really I'm going bonkers, but that last pic looks way too much like an eye here and I'm dying.

So new terrans? I don't know. But new life? Yeah maybe.

.

Also on the doctor part, as much as it would be interesting, there's the fact that we still don't know what Jawbreaker's is about, but also that being a doctor means learning all of that and no one knows precisely how terrans work so that would be a tough job. Interesting idea though.

New Terrans?

If something we have noticed is that when the emberstone is activated, it turns green and then gives life to the Terrans.

In the battle against Hashtag, the cave turns green indicating that the Emberstone was activated granting Twitch powers.

Although they didn't show it on screen, what if the emberstone created new Terrans?

If that happens, hopefully there's a Terran doctor out there who can treat Bumblebee's injuries. Not to mention it's something the family is missing.

[robobrainrot]

WHY IS ARCEE SO BIG IN TFP??

I love Transformers Prime and have an insane amount of respect for the animators and style direction of the show but this drives me bonkers.

Arcee is a motorcycle in alt-mode. Mass wise, it makes no sense for her to be that big when she is standing. Even if she was really curled up or compact in motorcycle form. (Also the fact that her wheels "split" so two tiny ones are in her feet and her front wheel is in her back doesn't make any sense to me)

Motorcycles are deceptively big but I don't think it justifies her being like 15ft tall when standing. Jack barely comes up to her knee when standing next to her and he's supposed to be 5'9."

I'm all for giant women, and I love how absolutely badass they made her in this iteration, but I just don't think her size makes sense mass wise. Personally, I think she should maybe be like 10ft tall. This would make her tinyyyy compared to the other Autobots, so I understand why they made her bigger but STILL. SHES HUGE!!

Tbh Everyone is HUGE compared to their alt. mode but that's another thing~

(This post was also just an excuse for me to take a bunch of screencaps of Arcee for reference. This show came out like 10 years ago so this is all pointless but uhhhhh pretty giant robot makes brain go bbbbbrrrrrrhhhhhh)

[unimooshi]

my friend gave me her recipe for spaghetti and im absolutely going bonkers i'm gonna eat this shit two days in a row and im gonna have the time of my life i love filipino spaghetti it's so good it makes my robot loving heart grow three times bigger

[transmascfrankiero]

all of mcr’s songs ranked out of ten based on whether or not you can strip to them:

romance: could work if you were going for a Super Melancholy smiths-esque vibe but overall too slow and pretty. 1/10

honey: headbanger soundtrack to showcase your revenge body to ur ex. bonus points for underlying ‘gonna murder shitty boyfriend’ context thanks to audition-inspired video. but slightly too angry to be seductive. 5/10

vampires: too goth, too many feelings. reminds me of pot dreads frank. would not work. 0/10

drowning lessons: this song is cursed and cannot be listened to in public unfortunately 0/10

sorrows: if u were going to do a strip routine while beating the shit out of someone for trying to stealing ur tip money this would be a gr8 choice 6/10

halos: it’s about blowing your own head off and taking too many pills to cope w/ wanting to die all the time. 0/10

turnstiles: please do not!!! strip!!! to a song!!! about 9/11!!!! what is wrong w/ you!!! -100000000/10

monroeville: if u were doing a private lil strip dance for your george a. romero-obsessed s.o. where u both cry over the idea of having to kill the other person b/c they turned into a zombie then sure??? but other than that no. .5/10

best day ever: ehhhhhh. too fast. kinda weird to get sexy to unless u have a hospital kink. 0/10

cubicles: wow the thought of doing a strip routine to a song about pining for ur coworker who doesn’t know u exist is too sad to even joke about -20/10

demolition lovers: it’s a long song but it’s got cool tempo changes for variety and if u got the stamina then go for it. 4/10

helena: so, like, i get it. it’s a bop. u could dance to this beat for sure. the costumes and color scheme from the video make for gr8 stage pictures and the dancing corpse lady is v pretty. i could understand why if u were doing an emo strip routine u would want to use helena. but please for the love of all that is holy do NOT strip to a song gerard way wrote about his dead grandmother okay i am BEGGING you -∞/10

give ‘em hell kid: FUCK YEAH YOU LOOK PRETTY WALKIN DOWN THE STREET IN THE BEST DAMN DRESS U OWN. 10/10

to the end: this would be a hilarious choice for a bachelor party ngl 7/10 for that alone

prison: absolutely you could strip to this song but u gotta COMMIT okay u gotta light something on fire onstage and challenge gender norms while screaming your head off 8/10 but only if ur not a coward

i’m not okay: it’s a bop, but can u strip to it? no. 0/10

ghost of you: mikey way did not die on a beach in fake normandy for u to strip to ghost of you. seek help -5/10

jetset life: dude this song like. actually works??? for a strip routine??? so long as you don’t actually listen to the words, from a musical perspective, u could totally strip to this 10/10

interlude: what kinda weird catholic shame kink do u need to have to strip to this song. also it’s too short and too pretty. -5/10 (unless ur into catholic shame idk)

venom: this would require such a high energy routine but if u can make being sweaty work then this is a gr8 choice 7/10

hang ‘em high: this is a BATSHIT INSANE choice for a strip routine but if u want to do it then PLEASE do. i like ur style. 8/10

deathwish: u can strip to this only if u introduce ur routine by dedicating it to everyone who ever said eyeliner on dudes was gay. 5/10

cemetery drive: i think not. 0/10

never told you: if u are a highly theatrical highly murderous stripper then yes definitely 7/10

desert song: this song is Way Too Beautiful to strip to sorry you can’t have it -300/10

the end.: the only sexy thing about this song is how good gerard’s voice sounds so no. 0/10

dead!: this is a bold fucking choice but u have to play your cards just right. high risk high reward but SO much to potentially get wrong 6/10

how i disappear: u could. but why. 2/10

sharpest lives: holy SHIT yes ABSOLUTELY u should strip to sharpest lives. the drama. the beat. the spy rock guitar that frank accidentally nailed. this is one of THE choicest options from their catalog. why aren’t u stripping to this right now 50000000/10

wttbp: cute idea but don’t actually 0/10

i don’t love you: again, a bold fucking choice. u could strip to this in an edgy, meta sort of way but it’s missing the trashy factor so it’d have to be part performance art and part strip routine. if ur into that then totally 5/10

house of wolves: i mean i would pay money to see someone strip to this song so 7/10

cancer: LMAO YIKES -2000000/10

mama: this would be GLORIOUS if u fully embraced the sheer insanity and went Bonkers in Fuckin Zonkers burlesque-show-in-hell w/ it. 100/10 but u gotta pound the floor wailing at some point

sleep: i’m conflicted on this one like on the one hand it’s a good tempo for stripping but on the other hand it’s a song about being cruel to ur loved ones in order to force distance between u and them b/c you’re terrified of them getting hurt and it being all your fault. so maybe don’t strip to this one actually 0/10

teenagers: a bop w/ a great beat and fun costume ideas from the video but two major drawbacks being 1. ur getting naked to a song about teenagers which is uhhhh sort of Inappropriate and 2. it’s kind of also about school shooters which is also Inappropriate to get naked to. 0/10

disenchanted: why would u want this. you sad fuck. idek what to say except if you want to strip to this song i’m crying on your behalf -100000000/10

famous last words: don’t????? don’t. Do Not. stop that. -12/10

blood: this is HILARIOUS omg please strip to blood 10/10

kill all your friends: sure?? no objections but it’s an odd choice. this goes for the demo too. 2/10

heaven help us: if u want to strip to this then you definitely just read unholyverse for the first time and while u are valid, Don’t 0/10

my way home is through you: not an especially sexy song but it’s fun!! you do you 3/10

astro zombies (cover): uhhhhhh it’s a no from me dawg. i’d be thinking about danzig, like, the whole time. 0/10

desolation row: sure but u gotta be willing to get punched in the face by the riot squad for maximum effect 4/10

common people (cover): just b/c gerard would strip to britpop doesn’t mean u can. 0/10

emily: NO!!!! -50000/10

party at the end of the world: nah. 0/10

not that kind of girl: literally please consider the subject matter of this song and rethink ur life choices. -10/10

all the angels: it’s a cool song but don’t strip to it that’s weird -2/10

jack the ripper: you and the person who wants to strip to astro zombies can go sit in the suicidegirls corner together how about that. 0/10

na na na: a banger!! strip away my friend 9/10

bulletproof heart: a good song but not a strip song 1/10

sing: sorry this song is [REDACTED] it gets no score

planetary (go!): you could try to strip to this but it’s such a classic four-on-the-floor that i think you’d end up just regular dancing to it and forget to be sexy so 4/10

the only hope for me is you: are you doing a strip tease for michael bay. stop. put ur shirt back on shia lebeouf 0/10

party poison: like this is a hilarious option and i support you but realistically it’s pretty fast for a strip song 3/10

save yourself, i’ll hold them back: this is a safe option. Too Safe. almost soulless. a person who’d strip to this would avoid eye contact the entire time and never smile and later when you went out for a smoke break you’d overhear them on the phone with their ex arguing over child support payments. 4/10

s/c/a/r/e/c/r/o/w: the more i think about it the more fun the idea of stripping to this becomes so i say go for it 6/10

summertime: i’m Certain that gerard would prefer if you didn’t -5/10

destroya: is this objectively the best mcr song to strip to? Absolutely. it’s got everything you could possibly want right down to built-in moans and fever dream drums. but the only person in the universe who Can Must and Should strip to this song is gerard. sorry them’s the breaks. ∞/10 but only if you’re gerard way

kids from yesterday: don’t. 0/10

vampire money: 100% yes you should strip to this. bonus points for stealth twilight references 1000000/10

we don’t need another song about california: do i like this song? yes. is it sexy? no. 0/10

black dragon fighting society: i can’t understand what the FUCK gerard is saying in this song AT ALL so i can’t recommend that u strip to it b/c i have no fucking idea what it’s ABOUT 0/10

f.t.w.w.w.: i mean. this song is about eating pussy. and robots that are built specifically to fuck. so yes you can strip to this but you gotta dress up like a pornbot 100/10

mastas of ravencroft: again i cannot understand most of the fucking words and the ones i do understand are something something RICKETY BONES RICKETY HANDS so like. probably not the one 0/10

boy division: i could go either way on this one like it’s really fast but it’s also about cocaine so??? 3/10

tomorrow’s money: while this song slaps overall violent nihilism does not a strip song make 1/10

ambulance: no. 0/10

gun.: antiwar messages are sexy but not the right kind for stripping 1/10

the world is ugly: PLEASE no. 0/10

the light behind your eyes: oh my god this is so DEPRESSING why would you want to strip to this who hurt you -2000000/10

kiss the ring: yes yes yes it’s got built-in audience participation conceit factor if u let ur audience kiss ur ring, totally works 10/10

make room!!!: again, slaps, but not a strip song 1/10

surrender the night: dude we talked about this!!! dying violently w/ ur loved ones is Not Sexy!!! 0/10

burn bright: i guess you could strip to this but again it’s Too Safe tread carefully 3/10

fake your death: i want frank iero to strip to this song so i can throw tomatoes at him for being a LYING SACK OF SHIT FOR TWO YEARS i’m not gonna rate this one but frank if ur out there i have a basket of slightly squishy heirloom tomatoes and i am COMING FOR YOU

[just-dreaming-marvel]

Out Of Time ~ 107

MASTERLIST

< previous chapter

Word Count: 4,300ish

Summary: The team figures out the monolith and tries to save Simmons

“Do something!”

“Fitz,” Y/N got up and hurried to him. She was afraid to portal, scared of what the monolith might do. “Come on.” She grabbed his arm but he tore it away. “We have to get out of here!”

“Leave me alone!” 

He turned and decked Y/N in the face, causing her to tumble down the steps and to the ground. Y/N gently touched her face, pulling her hand back to see blood.

“Fitz! Y/N!” Mack shouted, rushing to grab Fitz from the container.

“Fitz, get out of there!” Hunter yelled, getting the door.

“Are you crazy?”

“Close it!” Bobbi yelled. “Close it!”

“Y/N!” Daisy rushed over. “Oh my gosh, you’re bleeding.”

As soon as Bobbi and Hunter closed the container, the monolith turned into liquid. Everyone was panting.

“Damn it, Fitz,” Coulson murmured, coming into the room.

“I had to know,” Fitz panted. “Had to— had to know—“

“I already lost Simmons to that thing. I cannot afford to lose you or Y/N, too.”

“Trying to get yourself killed?” Hunter wondered.

“Sorry,” Fitz said. “I won’t give up. I can’t give up.”

“None of us want to, Fitz, but…” Daisy tried to say.

“Fitz,” Bobbi knelt down in front of him, “you tried. Okay? You tried your hardest. Everybody knows that.”

“No,” he shook his head. “I missed something. I m… I missed something.” He wiped something off his face.

“What is that?”

“Proof.” Fitz got up and ran to the lab.

“Y/N,” Coulson said, the others turning to face her. She was still on the ground, breathing heavily. “Oh my…” There was a long cut down the right side of Y/N’s face. “Did he—“

“I’ll be fine…” She panted. “I’ll be fine…”

“Come on,” Daisy urged, helping Y/N up. “Let’s get that stitched up.”

Daisy took Y/N to Coulson’s office and Bobbi brought all the supplies to help patch up the cut.

“He didn’t mean to,” Bobbi said quietly.

“I know,” Y/N responded.

“He just misses Simmons so much.”

“I know.”

“It hurts—“

“I know, Bobbi! Just stop, okay?” Tears formed in Y/N’s eyes. “Out of everyone here, I think I understand the most… I lost Bucky… no one could find his body… I was torn. I acted out too. That’s how I’m here… So I understand. I get that now we know Bucky’s alive, but we didn’t then. And I didn’t think he would ever come back… Honestly, at least he has hope. That’s more than I ever had.”

~~~

Fitz showed up in the office not too long later. He had a tablet in hand and pulled up his findings.

“Sand,” he stated. “Not just sand. Impossible sand.”

“The monolith’s case is a clean room,” Mack said. “There’s nothing in there but that rock. Not even dust.”

“Unless you blast it open with a shotgun and contaminate everything,” Hunter retorted.

“That’s not what this is,” Bobbi shook her head.

“Okay, the sand itself, not unusual,” Fitz continued. “Mostly silicone-dioxide particles just like on Earth.”

“Wait, are you saying…” Y/N paused. “You’re saying this sand is not from Earth?”

“Carbon dating show that—“

“It predates the Earth by a billion years,” Fitz interrupted Bobbi.

“So you think the rock is a portal?” Daisy asked.

“No. No, I’m proving that it’s a portal. Okay, to another planet, a-a very old planet. A crack in space-time that carried Simmons away… and carried the sand back. Which means…”

“She’s out there,” Coulson stated. “But it’s been months.”

“Yeah?”

“She could be long gone from wherever this thing dropped her.”

“Yeah.”

“She could be dead.”

“Yes.”

“But we’re gonna find out, aren’t we?”

“Yeah.” / “You’re damn right.” / “For sure.” / “Yeah.”

“Okay, Fitz, what do you need?” Y/N asked. “I can get Tony to bring some things as well.”

“Uh, uh, well, uh, more historical data. People have studied this thing for centuries. I need an expert on quantum mechanics and Einstein-Rosen Bridge theory. And a— a sandwich would be nice.”

“I might have an idea,” Coulson said, nodding, “about the other things.” He turned to Daisy and Mack. “You two, stay with our new inhuman guest. Be here for Dr. Garner’s assessment. Building that team is still the priority.”

“What did I say?” Daisy commented, her and Mack exiting.

“Bobbi—“

“I’m on this with Fitz,” Bobbi responded.

“Yeah, haven’t you been on this with Fitz the whole time? Hiding his trip to Morocco, covering for him on a constant basis?”

“Have I?” She smirked, walking out.

“And you know where you’re going,” Coulson said to Hunter. Hunter nodded and left.

“What about me?” Y/N asked. “I’m staying until Simmons is found. I’ve already texted Tony and he’s on stand-by if we need anything.”

“With me.”

~~~

Coulson explained that they were going to make a visit to a Professor Randolph. He was an Asgardian, hiding out on Earth. The team had a run in with him once when Y/N was on a break. Bobbi and Fitz joined them.

“I’m sorry,” Randolph said, reading a book inside of his cell. “I can’t help you.”

“Can’t or won’t?” Coulson questioned.

“Potato, puh-tah-toe.”

“And your reason?”

“The nightly news, cities flying into the atmosphere, government task forces, and now the public is freaking out about alien outbreaks. Pretty crappy time to be on Earth if you’re not a local, so I am staying low. And of course,” he chuckled, “there is my current situation.”

“Destruction of property, public drunkenness,” Bobbi clarified.

“And here I thought that Asgardians could hold their drinks?” Y/N retorted.

“Yes, well, Asgardians can generally hold their drink. It’s just, well, one night I tried to hold all the drinks.”

“Asgardians are also strong, right?” Bobbi questioned. “You could easily break out.”

“What? And miss dinner?” He chuckled. “Oh, no. Yes, norse prisons are surprisingly evolved—decent food, comfy bed, extensive library, and no attention being drawn to me. Come back in a few months, why don’t you? Maybe then I’ll be in the mood.”

“Can’t I just call in Thor?” Y/N muttered to Bobbi.

“We don’t have a few months,” Fitz stated.

“And neither do you,” Coulson said. “I don’t have to remind you that I saved your life. Though I did just mention it in case you forgot. But I’d still have no problems contacting those task forces you mentioned. I bet they’d go bonkers to have a real life Asgardian to dissect in their labs. I don’t know how comfy you’d be there.”

“Why, Agent Coulson…” Randolph said, standing up. “Are you threatening me?”

“I wouldn’t call it a… well, yeah, I guess I am. That’s absolutely a threat.”

“You’re different now. You know that?”

“One must accommodate the times or things get messy.”

“What’s with the hand?”

“Things got messy.”

“Well… you’ll have to cover my realize. And if there is a portal, which I will have to see to believe, you are diving into very dangerous waters here.”

“We live in the dangerous waters,” Y/N commented. “And have been for a while.”

Randolph exhaled sharply. “Alright. Well, it’s not like you’re giving me any choice.” 

He quickly tore off the door and the alarm started blaring. He grabbed his coat and they began walking out. Guards rushed in.

“He did it,” Randolph said, pointed at Coulson.

Coulson gave a nervous chuckle and a smile.

~~~

After talking themselves out of it, they took Randolph to the base. He walked around, observing the monolith.

“Well, I hate to disappoint, but it looks like your regular, old—“ He stopped when the monolith turned to liquid then back into a rock. “Oh. How often does it do that?”

“It’s random,” Fitz answered.

“No. No, no, no, no. It may seem random. But… something is clearly triggering it.”

“I’ve checked it against tides, relation to the sun, rotation—“

“On this planet. So you have no idea how to control it. Why come to me? I’m no interstellar-travel expert. I’ve never even studied gravitational lensing or zero-point energy fields or quantum-harmonic oscillation theory.”

“Yet you know all those words you just said,” Bobbi retorted.

“And you’re scared of portals,” Coulson added. “You’re scared of being dragged back home through a portal. Y/N?”

“It would be my pleasure,” Y/N replied with a smirk. 

She walked up to Randolph, opening a portal behind him and pushed him into it. Another portal opened on the other side of the room, causing him to exit from it.

“Impossible,” Randolph panted. “No human should be—“

“I’m connected with the Tesseract,” Y/N interrupted. “I can channel it. And I know it’s on Asgard and I’m pretty sure if I tried hard enough I could send you back there.”

“What I think, Randolph, is that in your drunken stumble through history, you’ve probably investigated every story involving a portal,” Coulson said. 

“And I’ve seen you eyeing all of your exits,” Bobbi added. “My knee brace, wondering if you can get away with it. The only reason you came with us was to confirm its existence.”

“And destroy it,” Randolph confirmed.

“You’ll have to go through me,” Fitz stated.

“And I could. Literally. But, then, I don’t know what amazon woman and robot hand are capable of these days. And don’t get me started with the Avenger over there. So I will help you get her back. I’m not entirely heartless. But if I do, I want your word that we will demolish this portal and no one passes through it again.”

“I’ll sleep better at night,” Coulson confirmed.

“Good. Well, I’ve investigated a lot of these wormhole rumors. But that’s all they were, rumors. None have panned out. So we know nothing of its origin.”

“Kree, maybe.”

“And this parchment was found with it,” Bobbi said, grabbing the paper and handing it to Randolph.

“Well, hello,” Randolph said, studying the parchment through the bag it was in. “I’ve seen this.”

“It’s a common Hebrew word.”

“Yes. What else do we know, Mr. Fitz?”

“Uh, well, the monolith changed hands a lot,” Fitz explained. “Germanic tribes, spent the hundred years’ war in France. But before the Napoleon era, it was moved again. I lost track of it somewhere in—“

“England.”

“Yeah. How did you know that?”

“Because I have seen this word carved into the walls of a castle in Gloucestershire, England, in 1853. To the plane!” Then Randolph started for the door, when no one followed he turned around. “W—am I allowed to say that?”

“Let’s all go to the plane, I guess,” Coulson agreed.

~~~

While on the flight over to England, Y/N was talking to Tony.

“Are you sure you guys don’t need my help?” Tony asked. “I could get there at the same time as you still.”

“I’m sure, Tony,” Y/N replied. “The lead we’re currently following seems solid.” Y/N sighed. “I just want to bring Simmons home so that I can come home.”

“You’ll find her. I know you will.”

“I miss you.”

“I miss you too.”

From the doorway, Fitz cleared his throat, drawing Y/N’s attention to him. He looked guilty.

“I need to go, Tones,” Y/N said. “I love you.” She hung up, slipping her phone in her pocket. “You need something, Fitz?”

“Yeah, I, uh…” Fitz started, coming to sit beside Y/N. “I need to apologize… I shouldn’t have hit you back like I did. You were only trying to help… I’m so sorry.”

“I know, Fitz.” She rested a hand on his knee. “I completely understand… I was the same way when Bucky died. Or, I guess, when I thought he was dead… So I get it, Fitz. I think that’s why Coulson called me in.”

“Or cause he missed you. You and May left, he lost his hand and Simmons… I think he just wanted a little of the good old days back.”

“Sadly, after we find Simmons, I can’t stay… I need some more time. I’m doing much better than I was. But I don’t think I can ever go back to this life full time. I don’t think it’s in the cards anymore.”

~~~

Randolph led them into the castle. They looked around with their flashlights, searching for the carving.

“Yes. Yes, yes,” the Asgardian exclaimed. “I came here for a costume ball. That was the pretext, of course, ‘cause I had heard rumors of travel to the stars. Found it all to be nonsense. But it was a fun party.”

“The carvings?” Coulson questioned, trying to get back to the point.

“Oh, right, right. Of course. So I was here admiring the stone work, and…” 

Randolph turned and shined his flashlight on the stones over the door. There was the word, carved in to one of the stones.

“The same as the scroll,” Fitz stated. “Death.”

“Maveth,” Randolph clarified. “Yeah, one of its translations is actually ‘death by punishment’.”

“Could mean no trespassing,” Coulson suggested.

“A Hebrew warning carved in an English castle struck me as odd. Out of place. Seems ancient.”

“But you stopped looking into it?” Y/N asked.

“A man dressed as an owl, of all things. I got him drunk enough to admit that no travel to other worlds was even occurring. Just ritualistic killings.” Everyone continued to look around as Randolph talked. “En, the whole thing stunk of half-baked satanism. Just some fabrications to entice new members. And, well, there were fire dancers. I got distracted.”

“Here’s another one,” Coulson called. “This is why I got rid of all the SHIELD logos on our vehicles. It’s like screaming for attention.”

“About time,” Y/N muttered.

“You know, there’s an ginormous eagle symbol on top of our jet,” Bobbi pointed out.

“Yeah,” Coulson agreed. “Sometime I can’t help myself with the cool.”

Coulson then pushed a stone in the wall, causing part of it to open up. Revealing a passage way.

“You certain about this?” Randolph asked. “It does say death by punishment.”

Fitz and Y/N went in, examining the walls. They made their way down the passage. Eventually it led to a round room, with old equipment in it.

“Okay, well, this wasn’t on the last tour,” Randolph said. “It’s an odd shoe for architecture this period. Definitely built after I was here.”

“Reminds me of the bunker under the Louvre,” Bobbi commented.

“What? There’s no bunker under the Louvre. That’s a joke, right? You messing with me.” Bobbi simply glanced his way and walked to the other side of the room and Y/N chuckled. “Alright, great. Now I’ll have to check.”

Fitz knocked on the metal he was studying. “It’s late 1800s,” he stated. 

He pushed the lever up. Suddenly, electricity crackled and the room lit up.

“Still got some life to it,” Coulson commented.

“I hear water,” Bobbi added. “Could be a stream underground, maybe hydroelectric power.”

On the other side of the room, Fitz hit the control panel on the wall and Randolph pulled down another lever. Suddenly, a round floor panel, in the center of the room, disappeared. They all walked up to it, looking down.

“This looks a lot like it was made to hold—“

“The monolith,” Fitz interrupted Bobbi. “This machine was designed to control the portal, to open and close it at will.”

“Do you know that, or is that just what you hope it to be?” Coulson asked.

“Well, there’s only one way to find out.”

Sighing, Coulson pulled out his phone and dialed a number. “Mack, I need you to load something onto Zephyr One and bring it to us.”

“What exactly am I bringing, sir?” Mack against on the other end of the phone.

“Yeah… you’re not gonna like it.”

~~~

It wasn’t long before Mack and Daisy arrived with Zephyr One and the monolith was being lowered into the hole. Fitz and Randolph were getting the systems working. Bobbi was guiding the container down, monitoring the monolith on the tablet she was holding.

“Zephyr One,” Bobbi called into the comms, “you’re clear to retract.”

“Wow. Room full of ancient gack,” Mack commented as him and Daisy entered the room. “Kind of reminds me of your office, director.”

“Realistically, what are the odds of this thing working?” Daisy asked.

“If we were realistic, we never would have gotten this far,” Coulson said.

“With anything,” Y/N added.

“Well, Andrew Garner thinks I need to be more so,” Daisy said. “He recommended three months observation and counseling before reassessment for Joey. Says I’m reckless.”

“Wonder what he thinks about me.”

“Don’t take it personally,” Coulson said. “He probably just meant that—“

“He said you’re desperate,” Daisy added.

“What? He didn’t say that. Did he say that?”

“I can read minds, Phil,” Y/N said. “He definitely said that.”

“You can read minds, too?” Randolph pipped up. “Why is the Tesseract gifting you all these things?”

“Long story.”

“Let me guess,” Bobbi came up to them. “I’m struggling to come to terms with physical limitations and losing my sense of self instead of redefining it.”

“No,” Daisy said. “He didn’t mention you.”

“Oh.”

“Oh, he did. That’s what he said.”

“Oh, good.”

“Yeah.”

“Mack,” Fitz called. “Mack, push that lever.” Mack turned to a lever. “No, the one— the one that’s— the one that’s down. The one— the one beside it. Push it.”

Mack did as directed while Fitz did the same thing on the other side of the room. The gears starting turning, the machine started working. The room began to tremble and the monolith turned to liquid.

“Fitz, it’s working!” Y/N exclaimed.

Fitz knelt down beside the whole, pointing a flashlight into it.

“It’s staying open,” he stated. “Light! I need more light!”

The trembling began to get to Daisy. Y/N watched with concern as she groaned and put her head in her hands. She went over.

“Daisy?” She quietly called. “Daisy, what’s happening?”

“We got a problem!” Mack shouted.

“I need some bloody light!” Fitz yelled.

“Fitz!” Coulson called, tossing him a flare gun. 

Fitz shot it through the monolith. Daisy held her head as she began panting.

“The gears have locked!” Mack yelled. “Bobbi!”

Y/N’s eyes grew wide as she saw blood coming out of Daisy’s nose.

“Daisy!” She exclaimed. Y/N caught her as she fainted, slowly lowering her down. 

“Skye?” Coulson called, coming up beside them. “Hey.” The trembling and machine stopped. “Skye, are you okay? Skye?”

“It’s Daisy,” Daisy replied softly.

“What?”

“It’s Daisy now,” Y/N responded.

“You’re really having a hard time with this, huh?” Bobbi wondered.

“Damn it,” Coulson muttered. “Yeah. Daisy, hey.” Daisy lifted her head up. “Are you alright?”

“Yeah,” she replied. Y/N helped her sit up. “I’m better. That pulsing sound was killing me.”

“What pulsing sound?”

“Are you serious? It was deafening.”

“The vibrations,” Y/N whispered. 

“What?”

“The vibrations. You can sense them. And there was so many, that it was too much for you. It’s kind of like, how if you’re all thinking at once, especially about a similar think, I can sense it.”

“Maybe, Y/N’s on to something,” Bobbi agreed.

~~~

The team was currently trying to find a way to put the machine back together.

“It’ll just rattle apart again,” Fitz stated. “We have to reinforce the connections.”

“Reinf— look, most of the workings are under the ground,” Mack said. “We just can’t tear the castle down. And actually, we’re lucky the room is shaped this way, or the machine might have shaken it apart on top of us.” The two bent down to try and pick a piece of the machine up.

“Wait. Wait. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That’s the point. Quantum harmonic oscillation theory, like the professor said.”

“I know that look,” Bobbi commented.

“It’s a strange shape for this time period because it’s made to resonate, uh, to—to—to—uh— create a-a quantized field within the stone.”

“Fitz, you’re talking, but we’re not totally following,” Coulson said.

“The room is a speaker. The machine is an amplifier. Uh, a sub—subsonic frequency to resonate with the monolith.”

“You saying you figured out a way to fix the machine?” Mack asked.

“No. I’m saying I figured out that—“

“We don’t have to,” Daisy said, glancing at Y/N. “I can do it. I can open the portal myself.”

“Daisy, no,” Y/N said. “It’s too risky.”

“If I can open the portal and help save Simmons, then I’m doing it.”

~~~

The team added a frame with a lot of rope, to lower some into the portal and bring them back.

“Well, turns out we’re standing in the in the middle of the world’s largest subwoofer,” Randolph stated.

“Yeah,” Mack agreed.

“If the point of the machine was to resonate the room at a certain frequency,” Daisy said, “I can do that.”

“And you can replicate it?” Coulson asked.

“Kind of drilled into my brain.”

“And it could kill you,” Y/N stated, not at all happy with this plan.

“How long do you think you can hold it?” Coulson asked. 

“Maybe a minute,” Daisy responded.

“If it’s too much, you pull back. I can’t lose you, too.”

“I got this.”

“Here we go,” Bobbi said, reentering the room with a machine. “Camera and data sensors are hard-lined back to us through a cable. No signal loss that way.” She clipped it onto a cable to be lowered into the portal. “If Daisy can hold it, we’ll get a visual of the other side.”

“That’s what we’re looking for,” Coulson said before turning to Daisy. “Alright, you listen to me. You take care of yourself. We lose that probe, nobody cares.”

“Uh, I’m confused,” Randolph spoke up. “What exactly is she planning to do here?”

Allowing her space, everyone moved as Daisy readied herself. She held both arms out to the sides, causing the parts of the old machine to tremble.

“Sorry,” she strained an apology. “Still tuning.”

After getting the right tune, she aimed at the monolith. Causing it to turn into liquid. 

“Hold it open as long as you can,” Fitz stated.

Everyone turned to him. He had clipped himself onto the cable. He ran towards the liquid monolith.

“Fitz, no!” Coulson shouted.

But Fitz jumped into the monolith, disappearing.

“I’m going in after him!” Y/N yelled. 

“No!” Coulson held her back. “I can’t lose you anymore than I already have.”

“But I’m the best chance to get back if Daisy can’t hold it long enough.”

“You don’t know if you can do that.”

“And you don’t know if I can’t.” They stared at each other. “If Daisy looks like she’s ready to give out, I’m going in. And no one can stop me.”

The trembling and the cable rope moving was causing the structure that was keeping it steady to lose up. Mack, Bobbi, and Y/N all quickly grabbed onto a different piece, trying to keep it steady.

“Damn it. Pull him back,” Coulson ordered, rushing around to where the cable was. “Get him back here.” He pulled the lever and the cable began spin back up.

“I can’t hold it!” Daisy shouted.

“Y/N, don’t! We can’t lose the both of you!”

Before Y/N could jump, Daisy stopped the trembles and the monolith burst into pieces. Every looked down in the hole, hoping, praying, for something to give. Suddenly, Fitz uncovered himself and pulled Simmons up. Daisy fell to the ground, Mack and Y/N rushing to her.

“You did good, tremors,” Mack said. “You did good.”

~~~

Y/N brought everyone onto Zephyr One quickly. Simmons needed to be checked out immediately and Fitz needed to be monitored in case of radiation. They laid Simmons in the containment module, hooked up to IV’s and allowed time to rest. Randolph and Y/N were standing outside as Coulson came to update them.

“They’re gonna be okay,” he informed. “No sign of radiation or infection. Fitz would never have found her, but she saw the flare. We brought a woman back from the dead today.”

“Yes,” Randolph agreed. “And, happily, you kept up your end of the bargain. The portal is destroyed.”

“Thank Daisy for that.”

“Yeah. Agent Coulson… what exactly is Daisy?”

“The call themselves inhumans.”

He looked surprised. “I have not heard that word in a very long time.”

“You know it?” Y/N questioned.

“I know more about them than I do you. You are something else… The Tesseract you said, that’s how you get your abilities?”

“Part of them.”

“Interesting.”

~~~

They were landing at the base when Y/N pulled Coulson aside.

“You’re leaving,” he stated.

“I am,” she replied.

“Anything that I could do to convince you to stay?”

“No… Look, I’m sorry, Phil, that I left and May left. But sometimes you need to tap out. SHIELD can’t be everything in anyone’s life… Even yours.” Y/N pulled him in for a hug. “If you need anything like this again, I’ll be there.” She pushed herself away, walking back towards the portal she opened. “Just don’t go opening anymore portals to other planets any time soon. Okay?”

“Okay.”

“Bye, Phil.”

~~~

“But she’s safe? There’s nothing wrong with her?” 

“Nothing,” Y/N shook her head. 

“Wow,” Tony leaned back. “That’s… that’s—“

“A miracle. An absolute miracle.”

“And you’re sure you don’t want to join the team again?” Tony pulled Y/N in-between his legs. “You didn’t miss it at all?”

“I missed them. But not SHIELD. Plus,” she gave him a kiss, “I wouldn’t get to do that as much as I would like.”

Tony hummed. “Good. Can you do it again?”

next chapter >

NOTES: from now on the taglist when be added by a reblog. I will reblog it using my second account, @just-dreaming-marvel-2​. Just so that my main page doesn’t get too cluttered.

If you want to be added to the tag list, please dm me or send in an ask.

[meetmeatthecoda]

It’s bonkers how Liz and Ressler can literally have sex and then still be on a last name basis with each other. Even Red calls her Elizabeth lmao. But seriously, if K—nler is endgame, is this really the writers’ idea of romance? Barely any buildup, BOOM they have sex, then these awkward, forced ‘moments’ between them? *deep sigh* Idk, maybe I’m being harsh, but I guess I feel like the least they could do (if they won’t give us Lizzington) is give us something decent to watch. What are your thoughts/theories on this mess?

Hello, dear anon!! ❤️ Firstly, omg, I know!! All the “Hey, Keen.” and “What, Ressler?” is so intensely romantic 🙄🙄🙄 The thought of Red calling Liz just “Keen” is so laughable to me. As you so rightly say, he at least calls her by her full name, which is much more telling imo than any robotic surname crap. (Plus, he would never call her “Keen” bc it’s her fake name from her fake marriage to her fake husband, but I digress.) Regardless of whether it’s Lizzie or Elizabeth or Agent Keen, it still sounds like music coming out of Red’s mouth. Whether that music is a funeral march or a symphonic poem... well, it varies 😒

ANYWAY you make such a good point!! If we’re striving to be objective (which is a pretty unobtainable goal for me at this point), there is  n o t h i n g  inherently romantic about K**nler. I’m sorry, but to me - no matter which way you slice it - there’s been absolutely NO romantic coding with these two over SEVEN SEASONS, really only a handful of scenes together at all that mostly consist of “STOP! FBI!”, and very few personal/meaningful moments. And of those VERY FEW moments, they all appear to me as platonic/work friends/colleagues. And listen, I’ve always liked Ressler and Liz as BFFs. Liz always offered a listening ear and a shoulder to cry on about Audrey in the good ol’ days and Ressler did the same about T*m, plus I’ve always loved how Ressler offered to “rough him up” in that gruff, brotherly way. There was never any jealousy between them at their respective romantic partners, like there always is with those Will They/Won’t They ships. And I think pilot!Ressler hating Liz’s guts gradually morphing into them being best buds over the ensuing seasons is super cute. But it’s never screamed “romance” to me. There’s been no anticipation, no build-up, no close calls, no nothing. My prime ship example for that sort of thing is Caskett from Castle. They spent 4 seasons building those two up with plenty of close calls and jealousy keeping them apart for as long as they physically could before they finally came together with fireworks. There has been zero of that with K**nler. (Lizzington on the other hand? Yes. Not to mention all the Lizzington suggestions FROM RESSLER: ”Sounds like someone’s jealous Uncle Red’s got a new crush”, “You in the dog house or something?” - but I’m slipping into my Lizzington googles, so I’ll stop there.) Not to mention I’ve never really liked Ressler as a character. Sorry, no shade to Diego, but it’s not exactly a dynamic character. And TPTB have a marvelous reputation of tabling characters until their designated plot lines and episodes, with no measurable growth or continuity in between, so it always feels forced to me. To just throw a long forgotten character - whose only role in the past 11 episodes has been driving around and answering phone calls to catch the weekly blacklister - in my face once a season and say, “LOOK, WE THOUGHT OF SOMETHING FOR THIS DUDE, REMEMBER HE CAN TALK?!” and expecting me to feel invested is wildly unrealistic imo.

In conclusion, anon, I don’t think you’re being harsh at all, rest assured that I have been much harsher in tags, DMs, and especially my own head about this so-called “romance”. I think you’re definitely correct that they could at least give us something decent to watch with time, a true romantic build-up, and a satisfying culmination. I mean, I know this is primarily an FBI-mystery-mythology-government-action-procedural-show but... AS SOMEONE ONCE RIGHTLY SAID, “I think it’s a love story.” and babe? ..... this ain’t it. I’m sorry, Lizzington remains the only pairing on this show that has had a veritable phone book of romantic tropes written for them, including - but certainly not limited to - tense undercover operations, dancing, jealousy at other partners, killing for each other, actual DECLARATIONS of LOVE,  T H E  L I S T  G O E S  O N, not to mention I’m of the steadfast opinion that they were the initial endgame for the show, and that’s a hill I am prepared to die on. I HAVE and WILL go down with this doomed ship until the end of my days. Amen.

As for my thoughts/theories on this mess, I am flattered that you’re interested enough to ask, and I think I probably gave you way more than you bargained for in the ^above^ rage!typing 😂 The only things I would venture to add are: 1) K**nler is a barely a ship by my admittedly high standards and, if it is indeed intended to be The Great Romance™ of the show, TPTB did a piss poor job of making it AT ALL satisfying 2) The current “plot line” is an inconsistently written, infuriating, OOC across the board, “twists” pulled out of a hat, PIECE OF CRAP mess, and I’m so over it and 3) I have genuinely no idea how they plan on digging themselves out of the sizable RED VS. LIZ hole CRATER they’ve dug themselves into and, if they plan on having even a mildly successful season 9, they had better claw their way out soon bc, by all accounts, pretty much nobody likes pathetically-evil!Liz and most are rooting for heart-of-gold-&-incredibly-sympathetic!Red in every single way. Sooooo... idk. I’m really bored by the whole RuSsIaN oPeRaTiVe arc and I wish we could fast-forward to the season finale to see if they plan on making any effort at all to improve the core relationship of the show, or if they have indeed given Liz up to mannequin-man and revenge-filled-rage-induced-mentally-unstable-out-of-left-field-evil-Kaplan-hallucinations and Red over to simply sad-lonely-romantic-tired-puppy-dog-who-deserves-better.

At any rate, thank you dearly for this ask, anon, it turns out I had a lot of negative feelings (surprise, surprise) that needed an outlet and I hope it wasn’t too painful to slog through!! Feel free to send another/more asks to keep the commiserating going!! I have dearly missed asks in what’s left of this fandom, but my ask box is still open!! 🥰 I will continue writing fic and shipping Lizzington pretty much in AU now as, unfortunately, that seems the healthiest and only remaining option 🥲 Much love to you!! ❤️❤️❤️

[geshertzarmeod]

Favorite Books of 2020

I wanted to put together a list! I read 74 new books this year, and I keep track of that on Goodreads - feel free to add or follow me if you want to see everything! I’m going to focus on the highlights, and the books that stuck with me personally in one way or another, in approximate order. Also, all but two of them (#5 and #7 on the honorable mention list) are queer/trans in some way. Links are to Goodreads, but if you’re looking to get the books, I suggest your library, the Libby app using your library, your local bookstore, or Bookshop.

The Faggots & Their Friends Between Revolutions by Larry Mitchell, illus. by Ned Asta (originally published 1977). I had a hard beginning of the year and was in a work environment where my queerness was just not welcomed or wanted. I read this in the middle of all of that, and it helped me so much. I took this book with me everywhere. I read it on planes. I read it on the bus, and on trains, and at shul. I showed it to friends... sometimes at shul, or professional development conferences. It healed my soul. Now I can’t find it and might get a new copy. When I reviewed it, in February, I wrote: “I think we all need this book right now, but I really needed this book right now. Wow. This book is magic, and brings back a sense of magic and beauty to my relationship with the world.” Also I bought my copy last July, in a gay bookstore on Castro St. in SF, and that in itself is just beautiful to me. (Here’s a post I made with some excerpts)

Once & Future duology, especially the sequel, Sword in the Stars, by A.R. Capetta and Cory McCarthy. Cis pansexual female King Arthur Ari Helix (she's the 42nd reincarnation and the first female one) in futuristic space with Arab ancestry (but like, from a planet where people from that area of earth migrated to because, futuristic space) works to end Future Evil Amazon.com Space Empire with her found family with a token straight cis man and token white person. Merlin is backwards-aging so he's a gay teenager with a crush and thousands of years of baggage. The book’s entire basis is found family, and it's got King Arthur in space. And the sequel hijacks the original myth and says “fuck you pop culture, it was whitewashed and straightwashed, there were queer and trans people of color and strong women there the whole time.” Which is like, my favorite thing to find in media, and a big part of why I love Xena so much. It’s like revisionist history to make it better except it’s actually probably true in ways. Anyway please read these books but also be prepared for an absolutely absurd and wild ride. Full disclosure though, I didn’t love the first book so much, it’s worth it for the sequel!

The Wicker King by K. Ancrum. This book hurt. It still hurts. But it was so good. It took me on a whole journey, and brought me to my destination just like it intended the whole time. The author’s note at the end made me cry! The sheer NEED from this book, the way the main relationship develops and shifts, and how you PERCEIVE the main relationship develops and shifts. I’m in awe of Ancrum’s writing. If you like your ships feral and needy and desperate and wanting and D/S vibes and lowkey super unhealthy but with the potential, with work, to become healthy and beautiful and right, read this book. This might be another one to check trigger warnings for though.

The Entirety of The Daevabad Trilogy by S.A. Chakraborty. I hadn’t heard of this series until this year, when a good friend recommended it to me. It filled the black hole in me left by Harry Potter. The political and mystical/fantasy world building is just *chef’s kiss* - the complexity! The morally grey, everyone’s-done-awful-things-but-some-people-are-still-trying-to-do-good tapestry! The ROMANCE oh my GOD the romance. If I’m absolutely fully invested in a heterosexual romance you know a book is good, but also this book had background (and then later less background) queer characters! And the DRAMA!!! The third book went in a direction that felt a little out of nowhere but honestly I loved the ride. I stayed up until 6am multiple times reading this series and I’d do it again.

An Unkindness of Ghosts by Rivers Solomon. I loved this book so much that it’s the only book I reviewed on my basically abandoned attempt at a book blog. This book is haunting, horrifying, disturbing, dark, but so, so good. The character's voices were so specific and clear, the relationships so clearly affected by circumstance and yet loving in the ways they could be. This is my favorite portrayal of gender maybe ever, it’s just... I don’t even have the words but I saw a post @audible-smiles​ made about it that’s been rattling in my head since. And, “you gender-malcontent. You otherling,” as tender pillow talk??? Be still my heart. Be ready, though, this book has all the triggers.. it’s a .

Felix Ever After by Kacen Callender. This book called me out on my perspective on love. Also, it made me cry a lot. And it has two different interesting well-written romance storylines. And a realistic coming-into-identity narrative about a Black trans demiboy. And a nuanced discussion of college plans and what one might do after college. And some big beautiful romcom moments. I wish I had it in high school. I’m so glad I have it now! (trigger warning for transphobia & outing, but the people responsible are held accountable by the end, always treated as not okay by the narrative, and the MC’s friends, and like... this is ownvoices and it’s GOOD.)

The Starless Sea by Erin Morgenstern. My Goodreads review says, “I have no idea what happened, and I loved it.” That’s not wrong, but to delve deeper, this book has an ethereal feeling that you get wrapped up in while reading. Nothing makes sense but that’s just as it should be. You’re hooked. It is so atmospheric, so meta, so fascinating. I’ve seen so many people say they interpreted this character or that part or the ending in all different ways and it all makes sense. And it’s all of this with a gay main character and romance and the central theme, the central pillar being a love of and devotion to stories. Of course I was going to love it.

Fierce Femmes and Notorious Liars: A Dangerous Trans Girl’s Confabulous Memoir by Kai Cheng Thom. “Because maybe what really matters isn’t whether something is true, or false. Maybe what matters is the story itself; what kinds of doors it opens, what kinds of dreams it brings.” This book was so good and paradigm shifting. It reminded me of #1 on this list in the way it turns real life experience and hard, tragic ones at that (in this case, of being a trans girl of color who leaves home and tries to make a life for herself in the city, with its violence), into a beautiful, haunting fable. Once upon a time.

I Wish You All the Best by Mason Deaver. I need to reread this book, as I read it during my most tranceful time of 2020 and didn’t write a review, so I forgot a lot. What I do remember is beautiful and important nonbinary representation, a really cute romance, an interesting parental and familial/sibling dynamic that was both heartbreaking and hopeful, and an on-page therapy storyline. Also Mason Deaver just left twitter but was an absolutely hilarious troll on it before leaving and I appreciate that (and they just published a Christmas novella that I have but haven’t read yet!)

The Truth Is by NoNieqa Ramos. It took a long time to trust this book but I’m so glad I did. It’s raw and real and full of grief and trauma (trigger warnings, that I remember, for grief, death (before beginning of book), and gun violence). The protagonist is flawed and gets to grow over the course of the book, and find her own place, and learn from the people around her, while they also learn to understand her and where she’s coming from. It’s got a gritty, harsh, and important portrayal of found family, messy queerness, and some breathtaking quotes. When I was 82% through this book I posted this update: “This book has addressed almost all of my initial hesitations, and managed to complicate itself beautifully.”

Anger is a Gift by Mark Oshiro.  I wasn’t actually in the best mental health place to read this book when I did (didn’t quite understand what it was) but it definitely reminded me of what there is to fight against and to fight for, and broke my heart, and nudged me a bit closer to hope. The naturally diverse cast of characters was one of the best parts of this book. The romance is so sweet and tender and then so painful. This book is important and well-written but read it with caution and trigger warnings - it’s about grief and trauma and racism and police brutality, but also about love and community.

The Prey of Gods by Nicky Drayden.  This is a sci-fi/fantasy/specfic mashup that takes place in near-future South Africa and has world-building myths with gods and demigoddesses and a trip to the world of the dead but also a genetically altered hallucinogenic drug that turns people into giant animals and a robot uprising and a political campaign and a transgender pop star and a m/m couple and all of them are connected. It’s bonkers. Like, so, so absolutely mind-breaking weird. And I loved it.

Crier’s War and Iron Heart by Nina Varela.  I absolutely LOVE LOVE LOVED the amount of folktales they told each other with queer romances as integral to those stories, especially in Iron Heart. A conversation between the two leads where Crier says she wants to read Ayla like a book, and Ayla says she’s not a book, and Crier explains all the different ways she wants to know Ayla, like a person, and wants to deserve to know her like a person, made me weak. It lives in my head rent-free.

Queen’s Shadow by E.K. Johnston @ekjohnston . I listened to this book on Libby and then immediately listened to it at least one more time, maybe twice, before my borrow time ran out. I love Padmé, and just always wish that female Star Wars characters got more focus and attention and this book gave me that!! And queer handmaidens! And the implication that Sabé is in love with Padmé and that’s just something that will always be true and she will always be devoted and also will make her own life anyway. And the Star Wars audiobooks being recorded the way they are with background sounds and music means it feels like watching a really long detailed beautiful Star Wars movie just about Padmé and her handmaidens.

Sissy: A Coming of Gender Story by Jacob Tobia. I needed to read this. The way Tobia talks about their experience of gender within the contexts of college, college leadership, and career, hit home. I kept trying to highlight several pages in a row on my kindle so I could go back and read them after it got returned to the library (sadly it didn’t work - it cuts off highlights after a certain number of characters). The way they talk about TOKENISM they way they talk about the responsibilities of the interviewer when an interviewee holds marginalized identities especially when no one else in the room does!!! Ahhhh!!!

Bonds of Brass by Emily Skrutskie. Disclaimer for this one that the author was rightfully criticized for writing a Black main character as a white author (and how the story ended up playing into some fucked up stuff that I can’t really unpack without spoiling). But also, the author has been working to move forward knowing she can’t change the past, has donated her proceeds, and this book is really good? It has all the fanfic tropes, so much delicious tension, a totally unexpected plot twist that had me immediately rereading the book. This book was super fun and also kind of just really really good Star Wars fanfiction.

How To Be a Normal Person by T.J. Klune. This book was so sweet, and cute, and hopeful, and both ridiculous and so real. I had some trouble getting used to Gus’ voice and internal monologue, but I got into it and then loved every bit after. The ace rep is something I’ve never seen like this before (and have barely read any ace books but still this was so fleshed out and well rounded and not just like, ‘they’re obsessed with swords not sex’ - looking at you, Once & Future - and leaving it there.) This all felt like a slice of life and I feel like I learned about people while reading it. Some of the moments are so, so funny, some are vaguely devastating. I have been personally victimized by TJ Klune for how he ends this book (a joke, you will know once you read it) but it also reminds me of the end of the “You Are There” episode of Xena and we all know what the answer to that question was.... and I choose to believe the answer here was similar.

You Should See Me in a Crown by Leah Johnson. I wish I had this book when I was in high school. I honestly have complicated feelings about prom and haven’t really been seeking out contemporary YA so I was hesitant to read this but it was so good and so well-written, and had a lot of depth to it. The movie (and Broadway show) “The Prom” wants what this book has.

Plain Bad Heroines by Emily M. Danforth. I never read horror books, so this was a new thing for me. I loved the feeling of this book, the way I felt fully immersed. I loved how entirely queer it was. I was interested in the characters and the relationships, even though we didn’t have a full chance to go super deep into any one person but rather saw the connections between everyone and the way the stories matched up with each other. I just wanted a bit of a more satisfying ending.

Honorable Mention: reread in 2020 but read for the first time pre-2020

Red White & Royal Blue by Casey McQuiston. I couldn’t make this post without mentioning this book. It got me through this year. I love this book so much; I think of this book all the time. This book made me want to find love for myself. You’ve all heard about it enough but if you haven’t read this book what are you DOING.

In Other Lands by Sarah Rees Brennan @sarahreesbrennan​ . I reread this one over and over too, both as text and as an audiobook. I went for walks when I had lost my earbuds and had Elliott screaming about an elf brothel loudly playing and got weird looks from someone walking their dog. I love this book so much. It’s just so fun, and so healing to read a book reminiscent of all the fantasies I read as a kid, but with a bi main character and a deconstruction of patriarchy and making fun of the genre a bit. Also, idiots to lovers is a great trope and it’s definitely in this book.

Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe by Benjamin Alire Sáenz. This book is forever so important to me. I am always drawn in by how tenderly Sáenz portrays his characters. These boys. These boys and their parents. I love them. I love them so much. This is another one where I don’t even know what to say. I have more than 30 pages in my tag for this book. I have “arda” set as a keyboard shortcut on my phone and laptop to turn into the full title. This book saved my life.

Last Night I Sang to the Monster by Benjamin Alire Sáenz. This book hurts to read - it’s a story about trauma, about working through that trauma, healing enough to be ready to hold the worst memories, healing enough to move through the pain and start to make a life. It’s about found family and love and pain and I love it. It’s cathartic. And it’s a little bit quietly queer in a beautiful way, but that’s not the focus. Look up trigger warnings (they kind of are spoilery so I won’t say them here but if you have the potential to be triggered please look them up or ask me before reading)

Ella Enchanted by Gail Carson Levine.  When asked what my all time favorite book is, it’s usually this one. Gail Carson Levine has been doing live readings at 11am since the beginning of the pandemic shut down in the US, and the first book she read was Ella Enchanted. I’ve been slowly reading it to @mssarahpearl and am just so glad still that it has the ability to draw me in and calm me down and feels like home after all this time. This book is about agency. I love it.

Radio Silence by Alice Oseman @chronicintrovert . I’ve had this on my all-time-faves list since I read it a few years ago and ended up rereading it this year before sending a gift copy to a friend, so I could write little notes in it. It felt a little different reading it this time - as I get further away from being a teenager myself, the character voice this book is written in takes a little longer to get used to, but it’s so authentic and earnest and I love it. I absolutely adore this book about platonic love and found family and fandom and mental illness and abuse and ace identity and queerness and self-determination, especially around college and career choices. Ahhh. Thank you Alice Oseman!!!

Leia: Princess of Alderaan by Claudia Gray @claudiagray​ . I have this one on audible and reread it several times this year. I love the fleshing out of Leia’s story before the original trilogy, I love her having had a relationship before Han, and the way it would have affected her perspective. I also am intrigued by the way it analyses the choices the early rebellion had to make... I just, I love all the female focused new Star Wars content and the complexity being brought to the rebellion.