#these two drive me to drink

[vatrocvet]

awestruck

[floccinaucinihilipilificationa]

[sysig]

Maybe something with Mousey being jealous of Hunter and Smoker for one reason or another? hehe

Day 7 - There might be a reason for that

Bonus:

[killkaramazov]

I am going to become Ivan Karamazov

[ac-art-and-stuff]

Imagine Marius goes down in battle. Imagine Lethica, unable to control her fear as something tugs at the emptiness in her mind. Something unsettlingly familiar that she's felt before. Imagine the breaths in between her prayer to Shar to return him to life. Ragged. Pained. Panicked.

Something bright and hot pushes against the cool darkness in her memories. She thinks of the pyre outside of the mines. "By Lathander! By Shar!" She thinks of the vision of Marius in her the burning house while on the roof of the church in Cyril. "No...! No no no! What have I done!? I'm so sorry!" She thinks of the comforting chill of his hands as they danced, her own uncomfortably warm within them. "I'm sorry... for everything; but I've enjoyed every moment with you."

"No no no!" She demands. "Not again!"

I won't lose you too.

I can't erase myself twice.

[rintinningvt]

Started watching the Bayverse movies with my besties and... Are we just too gay for these movies??? Admittedly we only finished the first two and got through a quarter of the third, but the second one was such a drag to sit through at times and it probably doesn't help that we do NOT care about Sam that much. I hope that there is a character arc for him in the rest of the third movie. Because so far he has not been fun to watch in that one. He just comes off as a slight manchild to me, like... I can see why he would be frustrated with where he is in life but the way he acts with others and lashes out does not help him in the slightest. I do have to admit though that seeing him go to Cybertronian Heaven in the second movie was the funniest part for me and my besties lol.

I'll just hope that the other guy in the next movies will be at least a bit more interesting. Doesn't even have to be a good guy, just an interesting guy for me lol

[xbasement-baitx]

Playin the game of how many mgs of caffeine am I gonna need to get through my 11 hour shift

[erstwhilesparrow]

okay actually gonna use some of my data to open tumblr and make this post because outsiders apo+owen makes me want to start biting.

the thing about outsiders apo and owen is that at the end of beach episode, owen comments on what a lovely day they've had together and says, "i can't wait to do this all again tomorrow." and there's no way he doesn't know, okay? multiple characters demonstrate over the course of the day that they remember what happened before this -- even if they hope otherwise, they know they're going back to the maze eventually; this day is an impossible and perfect dream. and look how they choose to spend it. apo and owen see the sun setting and hear the cries of the gulls melt into the birdsong of the clearing and the thing they do at the end of this unrepeatable day, knowing they will never have this moment again, is turn to one another and promise they care. they've been running all over the place reminding each other all day: i care about you, you're my best friend, i want to spend time with you, i trust you so much i'll jump down into the mouth of a volcano with you. whatever happens before or after this, it matters that for this one day they sought each other out and played stupid games and shared food. it matters that this was real for them. it matters that at the end of it all, they could not bear to part without saying first: hey, you're important to me. do you get it?

and also, do you ever think about that conversation apo and owen have before the second clearing about what they're going to do next, what they think about the maze, and just before they go off their separate ways, they say, "i trust you," to each other in the same tone most people say "i love you"? do you ever think about how the roots of that trust went so deep in owen that when it was broken, his faith in the entire clearing was broken? no one can be trusted, he said. everyone was working against me, he says. he decides something must be profoundly wrong with this world, because it is a world where apo was able to look him in the eye and lie him. it CAN'T just be about apo because his care for apo was so fundamental to his understanding of the world -- there is no place he can go or word he can say now without remembering him. owen's world is (was) the maze, the clearing, rasbi, apo. and even after all that, owen still says the next time he sees apo, it will be to drag him to the maze's exit. even desperately hurt and swearing to himself that they're done, leaving apo behind for real is unthinkable!! do you get it??

and the prison visit itself: i hope you know you were everything to me, apo. of course i regret it, owen, i lost you. apo made cheesecake. owen says, don't try to make me pity you, and i thought, oh, it's absolutely working, isn't it? you wouldn't be half so upset if you didn't care. if you could escape your care for him, you wouldn't have spent so much time circling the prison, pulled by the gravity of apo, apo, apo. and then the escape, and apo's memory becomes part of owen, hanging over him as a haunting, as much a real presence as the living person. "he's dead" becomes nearly like a chant -- owen wants nothing more than to put those memories to rest (he says) but he also can't stop saying it: he's dead, he's gone, he's been dead for months. as if he needs to remind himself, somehow. apo's gone, apo's gone, apo's gone. but owen can't bring himself to stop saying his name. can anyone hear me. do you understand what i'm saying??

after reunion, i spent a lot of time yelling in a friend's DMs about how owen should have died with apo -- that killing should have killed owen with it, and in some sense maybe it did, but owen walks out of that encounter still breathing and apo is still right there with him. this is the start of something new and apo was there for its birth. how do you silence the voices of the people you kill, he asks magic, because he can never seem to. some of us hesitate at the thought of killing our friends, he says to rasbi. i'll give you ten seconds, he says to apo, and maybe that's just a hunter playing with his food but maybe, for all that owen hardly seems to recognize his friend during reunion, something was still sticking in him. confronted with impulses he did not have the context to understand, owen thought his purpose was to protect everyone. and then his memories come back and it doesn't matter that it's apo in front of him because that's a demon, but maybe it does matter. maybe no matter how hard owen tried to forget it, it never stopped mattering. i don't know!!! do you get me!! do you get what i'm saying!!!!!!!

[wetlandwanderer]

Finally got my one shower for the week in town and immediately nullified it when I realized I actually had time to go explore the creek by the road up the mountain.

I have acquired the curse of minor creek grime for another week. However! I did find a giant signal crawdad and a bunch of different mayfly larva, so it evens out.

[tchaikovskym]

Me: I'm feeling okay, physical activity will be good for me

*one lame ass yoga attempt later*

My lungs: oh hey! You have a nasty cough now!

My hip: also you're actually 84 years old and I'm going to hurt for a while

[natjennie]

someone get me out of hereeeee

[piratebay]

my therapist asking if i'd tried anything other than meds drugs and/or alcohol to sleep before. like bruh. the list is long. the nighttime ritual i had as a child worked most of the time but since then nothing really has been that effective. also probably because i haven't been able to form any routine on my own without outside reinforcement. ever. much less one that works in the long term. :smiles beautifully:

[uselessgaywhovian]

the problem with playing D&D is you have ships 'n' blorbos that only 4 other people know about

[philsmeatylegss]

I mean it when I say 15> years for killing someone because if drinking and driving is not nearly enough

[literally-12-people]

If you can not forgive you are destined to never heal.

Like, sorry, you can not be mad at someone for making a mistake and then be angry about it for 3 years and be like "why am i not over this".