#these days i come on this app i post my products at a very silly hour n then radio silence again

[officialrapunzelfitzherbert]

fruits basket earrings in my shop now hehehehe

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

Do you have any crack headcannons like you did with Ace with hitting on Jamil?

I have one of Grim knowing how to use a toilet like a person would but not how to open doors. So during book 5. Guys would see Grim using the toilet, in the dark, in the middle of the night if they have to. They see two bright circles in the bathroom until they turn on the light.

[Referencing this post!]

👆 This scene from Puss in Boots 2 except it’s Grim and Yuu—

I have a lot of silly personal headcanons (probably way too many to contain in a post)! Off the top of my head:

A frequent topic among the first years is romance. It's mostly because Ace instigates (usually to brag about how much experience + game he has and how everyone else is a LOSER). Deuce and Epel are flustered, Jack tries to be mature and call out Ace's childish behavior + views, Sebek loudly compares what Ace says to the things he has read in his romance novels + advice from Lilia, and Ortho--shockingly--is the most level-headed and logical of the group. (He'll take one look at Ace's vital signs and declare the guy is actually lying about having rizz.)

(PREFACING THIS ONE WITH THE CONTEXT THAT I WAS SUFFERING REALLY BADLY FROM MONTHLY CRAMPS AND CAME UP WITH THIS TO COMFORT MYSELF) Due to their heightened senses, fae and/or beastmen are able to sense very subtle changes, such as shifts in weather (ie a storm is rolling in) and changes in the body. For example, local feminist king L*ona can somehow sense when "that time" of month is coming and will show up on some poor woman's doorstep a few days before it starts with a plastic bag of [feminine hygiene products], snacks, pain relief medicine, and a heating pad in it. He gives NO explanation, just unceremoniously tosses it on the floor before he turns around and peaces tf out.

Mostro Lounge staff are granted paid lunch breaks, but if they choose to eat from the lounge then they still need to pay for 50% of it. They once tried to unionize, but Azul sent in the twins to shut it down real fast.

Jade and Trey love really bad puns and dad jokes.

The Magic Carpet is Scarabia's unofficial mascot. The mobs generally like it and act like it's the dorm's collective pet dog. Sometimes they drop scraps of food for it from banquets/parties (... D-Does it eat? If so, how...?).

Crewel and Vil heard about the time the Ramshackle Ghosts designed and made Yuu + Grim Halloween costumes. They decided to work with the ghosts to make a fashion line using repurposed old fabrics for a charity fashion show. Proceeds went to an environmental conversation organization.

Lilia hates milk substitutes. He finds them offensive and it breaks his heart to see others ask for the "fake stuff". Insists that those are not "true milk", "It's just nut or grain water!! NUT OR GRAIN WATER!!"

Lilia goes on dating apps just to see who he can bag, then he kicks down the door to the Diasomnia lounge to brag that he’s “still got it”.

Malleus learned about swear words from Leona. (He asked Lilia what a “flying fuck” was because Leona said it in front of him 😭)

Crowley has a 20-step beauty routine. Also sings (terribly) while he engages in self care.

Fellow goes on dates just to scam women of their valuables and/or to leech off their resources for a little while. His ideal targets are lonely wealthy widows and/or lonely wives whose spouses are often busy with work or traveling. Usually ends with him getting smacked by the woman, chased off by an angry spouse, or him pathetically groveling for mercy at their feet.

[braisedhoney]

i think a lot of the stuff you've made is already inherently beautiful and meaningful. you put time and effort (however small or large) into every line you've ever drawn and every word you've ever written. what you make is a product of millions of years of evolution and decades of personal experiences that have all culminated into that one moment where you sat down and decided to create. every little piece of time and work put into willing something into existence is so minimal and meaningless in the scale of the universe and because of that it is so so so large and sacred. i know that you're likely looking for a specific kind of beauty and a specific kind of meaning that you don't feel like you've achieved through the things you've already made. but i also know that there are dozens or hundreds or thousands of people out there that have been looking for their specific kind of beauty and their specific kind of meaning that found it through what you've made. the act of creation is beautiful in and of itself, regardless of the source or product. im glad to have seen your creations through this silly little app. hope you're having a good day!

;; anon... god this is sweet.

genuinely, i wasn't looking for compliments or anything like that, it wasn't a vent post. i was just expressing a bit of my frustration with the work i've been doing/have done. you did definitely nail it right on the head about looking for something though ^^;

i think most artists struggle with searching for a specific idea that they don't feel they've reached with their own work, or that they see in others. it's just part of the artistic process i think, which is both what makes it satisfying and what can be frustrating. double sided coins and all that — progression is great, but it does make the stagnation sting a little lol.

the fact that you sent this does mean a lot, seriously. it's exactly why i always make annoyingly long tag commentary paragraphs on art reblogs; because i want to point out every detail of every piece of art that i can. it's my way of communicating my appreciation for other artists and their hard work. (and hey, i like reading tags, i hope they do too.)

it's easy to get lost in things like comparisons without analyzing what it is you can do as an artist to improve and bring yourself closer to whatever it is you're looking for. but just because i may not be satisfied with it doesn't mean that invalidates the meaning or beauty someone else might have found in my art. i don't like invalidating other people's feelings, especially when it comes to stuff like media or music or generally harmless things that make them happy. at the end of the day i share my art here because i want people to enjoy it with me, and also to share in the brainrot. it's fun that way.

i appreciate this reminder of that, it's very kind <3 thank you.

[fischlcatgirl]

ok so in a separate rb i want to talk about this playlist for a minute because again im definitely NOT PROCRASTINATING. theres a post on this app thats like "you should be able to write why you chose certain songs in the playlist" well thats what this is for.

you're so vain - on there for pretty obvious reasons i feel. theyre both such egotists and they LOVE insisting the other person is the vain one + it comes first because it sets a tone and because it's a little bit silly. i love starting my playlists with songs that are a little bit silly for the theme

come on eileen - for, again, their ego and ambition but this time it's combined + i really like come on eileen. PLUS. that line where the singer is explaining why they won't fall to the same fate the rest of the people they know have and he says "we are far too young and clever" thats. young kavetham. second because it ties into the first song and because. i like it a lots

don't dream it's over - for the way they're kind of constantly falling apart? theyre always fighting but so long as they dont talk about it it's fine

call me al - dude i cant even explain it its just like. you gotta listen to the song. this was the first song i put on because i kept hearing it at work and also because i am "currently" "writing" a fic called angels in the architecture. so

head over feet - they've got this thing where it's like they HATE being near each other and being in love with each other but they can't help it

live and let die - this one is more for kaveh because he's my silly i confess. but i do think its nice for the shift between younger kavetham and older kavetham

runaway train - for their getting back together after kaveh's ruin with the palace and the withering and the debt and stuff. definitely for sure an older kavetham song but also kind of in the period where they're between so it's right in the middle of the playlist

my own worst enemy - GOD. what is there to say. they're prone to really fucking each other up just kind of as a side effect of their fighting. kaveh in addition is particularly prone to substance abuse and self sabotage

losing my religion - they are in love but they cannot talk to each other about it. theyre literally searching for any sign that the other person is in love with them but will not either of them confess and its driving both of them up the fucking wall AUGH

karma chameleon - if they dont have conviction what do they have huh. ALSO has the thing where theyre like. theyre fighting. theyre really intense and they cant talk about it

don't speak - the communication thing ONCE AGAIN. they have never had a productive conversation in their entire lives. also slower than some of the songs before it which helps lead into the next song

heart of glass - younger kavetham again where they think they have an idea of each other but theyre like. when you get two puzzle pieces that seem really close but then turn out not to be

that don't impress me much - they have this thing where they cannot admit to the other's positive qualities because that would be too much like losing ground in an argument. PLUS having shania twain on here means that i get extra points its like using a q in scrabble

good riddance (time of your life) - separation of younger kavetham. kind of that very sarcastic fake goodwill and also i like green day sue me. near the end because its a song with a sense of finality

breakfast at tiffany's - another kind of silly one to end because again. i like the sillies. they have very little in common, and what they do have is extremely superficial except for like. they like arguing

KAVETHAM PLAYLIST. they're so um. silly <3

[tetsustation]

APPRECIATION POST !!

in another words, lina loves her friends a little too much & doesn’t necessarily know the right means of expressing it </3

cass [ @misutv ] — uh im in a sappy mood so if you’re not rockin with the sap please scroll! epic, okay. hi... lol hey. thanks for pushing me to do this. now i know you know that i love you, with my chest! from when we first started talking to all these months later, that feeling hasn’t changed (even though you took two months ALLEGEDLY to warm up). i think our friendship is unique in the sense that i really never expect anything from you, when we’re on the phone or texting it feels natural and when i think of you my first thought is that i want whats best for you. isn’t that crazy? i don’t think i say it enough, but i care a lot about you—about all of you, whatever your feeling at any given moment or whatever project you chose to pursue at the time just know i’m there to back it and never expect anything from you, besides just that—you. i hope this is making some sense, knowing me this might be a bit of a mess, a ramble even. still, i think your exceptional—inside out, i’m really glad to be your best friend even if its just through some silly little app. i appreciate everything you do for me, even if i’m shit at saying so, because its baffling that you feel so inclined to dedicate some time in your day to me—i could melt i think. fair warning, i’m gonna crush your lungs at the airport. all my love loser >:)

hesther [ @hesthermay ] — how many months has it been now? hesther, you are such a solid constant in my life and i literally cannot thank you enough. from our strangely comparative music taste to the oldest sister bonding, i really feel like your the one person i can really resonate with that i haven’t met in person (yet). even if it’s weird to say, i love reading your marvel drabbles and personal pieces because it’s oddly intimate in personal in a way that implies a lot of trust. i know i can rely on you if i need anything, and vice versa. every week i pull you into my world, and the next week you pull me into yours—it’s an entertaining constant that remains me i’m not alone in my silly little struggles. i’m really glad i met you, and i’m so grateful i get to call you my friends (and i get butterflies when you call me butterfly). not to be gross but please don’t stop being you, it makes me smile, thanks hes <3 love you. 

selene [ @hajigumi ] — hey whore (lovingly). we’re coming onto two months now and it doesn’t really feel like it but i guess i’ll take it. honestly, it feels like we’ve known each other for a really long time—maybe its the same timezone thing but you just feel so familiar. i get a little skippy when you tell me that i’m stuck with you because i really love being your friend, its such a comforting experience and i’ve grown such a fondness for you i don’t think will fade. you suck, frankly, for being so welcoming. i love hearing about your day, boring or not—and i’m grateful your always willing to be about mine. despite what anyone says, your a great cat mom and an even better friend... giggles... love you mwah.  

ly [ @kyotarou ] — i almost typed out the govt name help... babe i love you so much. it’s impressive how you put your heart into everything you do, and it’s really shocking to me when you yourself don’t realize just how much of yourself you put into the things you do. just today when you were making those little polaroids, the dedication that you had to finish them and package them all pretty was truly heartwarming. that, among many other things—including your work which is always quality despite the seemingly mass production of it. i know your younger than me, but i aspire to be like you in that respect. your wit never ceases to amaze me and i think you were one of the first people i felt comfortable thirsting with because our taste is so similar (daishou fucker solidarity i think). i have such a strong appreciation for you as a friend and i hope it stays like that for a long time. 

angela [ @oikirstein ] — i think i’m gonna take a step in the right direction and try to be civil (kidding) but bestie when you’re sending audio messages of you scream sobbing about manhwa i can’t help but giggle. something that drew me into you was your humor, because honestly, i couldn’t help but feel really comfortable with you? even one on one, its just easy to talk with you because theres always so much on your mind—so much so that it’d be impossible to be bored. NO YOU KNOW WHAT SIDETRACKING BECAUSE YOU JUST CALLED ME THE EVIL TWIN UM. angela please never change, i don’t think i could bare it. i tolerate (love) you... ig....stay swag. 

violetta [ @hikariakaashi ] — once again i am tempted to pull out the govt name HELP. that’s just how comfortable we are with each other, i think. you were one of the first people to interact with me on hq tumblr, so far back that you probably remember my red/black alyssa layout lol—but thats really shocking to me because our friendship has grown so much sense then. it makes me giggle to think that i can just text you about stupid stuff and you’d tolerate it. you’re another person i feel as though i know in real life, its just so easy talking to each other, and my only hope is that we get even closer. mwah mwah!

rissie [ @levbug ] —rissie rissie rissie! i don’t care how much we slander and tease you, i love you to bits. please because you’re so funny and easy to talk to i feel like we’re besties. i could listen to you ramble for like an hour i just wanna hug you bae, thank you for being the only armin lover in the room—it makes me feel very seen. we gotta stick together >:)

rheya [ @diorpieck ] — hey rheya twirls hair...i really have a lot to thank you for because without hq radio i wouldn’t have met over half the people on this list and it baffles me how close we’ve become since. you are such a natural leader and i feel so honored i get to talk to you (the fact that you handle me is just as surprising). thanks for looking out for me and everyone else, because i don’t think we’d be where we are without you. thank you :>

jade [ @iwaizoom ] — jade i honestly do not know how to say this but apparently i’ve followed you since like last july (this is news to me too) and i’ll spare you the speech—but in short there was some fan behavior. i truly love talking to you, its so smooth and your energy is beyond welcoming. laughing at stupid shit with you makes me giggle like crazy and i’m so glad i get to call you a friend. stay in school mwah!

issy [ @cafemiya ] — hey pissie <3 i don’t know what it is but your presence is so comforting i love just talking to you, being around you, interacting—it feels like spring if that makes sense. you’ve written a lot of my comfort fics on this hellsite and for that i am permanently indebted to you. please consider this the start of my reparations and just know your existence in and of itself makes me all bubbly (lovingly) KISS! 

nayru [ @luvoratomi ] — i feel like we’ve known each other forever even though it’s only been a few months. still, you’re so consistent which is something i really admire about you, your messages to ask me about my day or hanging out in the discord is so grounding because i know i can count on you—which sounds silly but just know despite the teasing i love you a lot <3

cal [ @lovekags ] — don’t tell anyone but you’re my favorite epic gamer cal, i know we just started getting close but you’re so incredibly cool and talking to you feels so natural! your raw skill in so many different areas is baffling to me and makes me all blushy lol, thanks for rockin with me and i can’t wait to see how that powerpoint turns out >:)!!  

[crushzone]

Nin! I’ve been seeing this around recently, but I would love to see you ship your moots if it is ok! ♥️

Hahaha hey there, sure thing! It’s so difficult to be bias free because I know my moots’ crushes, but I shall do my best! I’ll mostly likely pair you guys with someone outside of your crush, just to introduce some new potential partner to your life ;). If I had left anyone out by accident, I am SO sorry!!

✨ Shipping my Moots ✨

@scorpiosanssexy

Sugawara Koshi - Lil sis, I am so sorry it is not Kei. I think Suga is absolutely hilarious and a sweetheart, I’m sure he loves it when you roast him here and there because he’d do the same right back at you. He’s also such a sassy man, so if sassiness is something you enjoy (*cough* like Kei’s, except he’s not a meanie 😠), he’s got it! If you do not know how to cook, neither does he, but you will get to suffer together. He’s also a teacher (which I know is also your thing), so let’s pretend he had to read so many books that he has to eventually get glasses! Will 100% dance real silly with you when you’re both tipsy, but please try to calm him down when he keeps getting ID’ed whenever he tries to buy booze, he’s got that forever cute baby face.

Look, I photoshopped him in glasses for u. ☝🏼

@ceo-of-daichi

Takeru Nakashima - Tbh, it was really difficult not to go with Daichi for this one. I know Takeru may not suit your appearance preferences, but I think you guys would be a very adorable pair! He is very family oriented, had grown up with a bunch of siblings, is a team captain (i know u like captains 😉), and seems like a sweet guy in general. So he will 100% be a fun pal to joke around with, but he’s also really responsible and will take care of u on your night outs. I can see you with his little family cheer squad, they are all just in love with you and consider you a part of their family. 10/10 husband material with that A+ domestic lifestyle.

@honey-makki

Saeko Tanaka - I shall pair you, my queen, with my other queen, Saeko. 👑 Together, you are unstoppable, and just the sight of you both hanging out together would make me run away because I tend to do that whenever I am near anyone attractive. Imagine Saeko picking you up on her motorbike just to go grab some dinner downtown together. All the jokes you’d share, how loudly you would laugh with each other, regardless if whether you are in a public or private place!! She’d probably help you proof read your fics and brainstorm any spicy scenarios with you too! Bet she loveees having you lay on her chest as she strokes your hair, alternatively, she also loves being your big spoon. 🥺

@heauxzenji

Kuroo Tetsuro - My other queen, I shall offer you my nerdy king, Kuroo. 👑 Idk man, appearance-wise alone, I already think you’d both be such a beautiful pair. You two are definitely the type of couples on Tik Tok (or whichever apps people use now a days LOL 👵🏻) with a bunch of “relationship goals” in the comments. He’d be a lot of fun to joke around with, will take great care of you, loves to smack your booty (respectfully) because he knows you are absolutely beautiful, and will call you the cutest nicknames. He also secretly reads your spicy fics without telling you, and will maybe try out a new thing or two from it the next time u guys baaaaang. 💥Spiciness aside, he cherishes all your quiet moments, just sitting next to each other as you sip on some tea, your books in hand as you lean shoulder to shoulder against one another.

@tedwardos

Azumane Asahi - idk, I think you both would be incredibly adorable! He is basically kind of like Yams but with a whee bit more softness. He absolutely loves to cuddle, play video games with you (but please go easy on him, he’s a little scared of certain games), and learn new things (e.g. playing DnD for the first time). Tbh, I think he would be great at DnD because he enjoys the imagination and character design aspect, bet his characters are always the best dressed one. Will help style your hair, cook you breakfast, give you shoulder massages, and just spoiling you in general, as long as you hold him close and tell him you love him every now and then to keep him well assured. You’ll never get cold during winter, he’s basically a human furnace who always make sure your feet are covered by the blanket when you cuddle on the couch.

@nonexistent-social-life-mainacct

Akaashi Keiji - I genuinely think this would be a wonderful match. Firstly, he is a wonderful listener, so he’s there for you to come home to after a tough day at work. If it is not something he can actually help you with, he will do his best to cheer you back up after you had gotten everything off your chest. Secondly, look at this 👇🏼

Girl, he will PROTECT you from all those mysterious bruises that tend to appear on your legs haha. Lastly, I know that when he loves someone, he will do all these adorably thoughtful things for you: like massaging your feet, leaving you cute post-it notes before he leaves for work and buying you flowers randomly. I just, I just want the best for u and I KNOW Akaashi will not disappoint at all.

@mer92

Tadashi Yamaguchi - ok hear me out! Baby boy had been crushing on you from a distance for the longest time, he just absolutely admires how you are so hardworking and passionate towards your dream job. He sees how much you care for your friends and he’d always wished he could be a part of your group too. Eventually, when you are both together, he is a wonderful listener, will go out of his ways to spoil you just to see you smile again. He will give you shoulder massages when you are being too tense, and if anyone gets in the way of achieving your goals, he will step up and defend you. Will also buy extra onigiris from Onigiri Miya and bring them to u for lunch, just to make sure that you don’t accidentally skip any meals because you’re too laser focused on your studies! Speaking of studying, he loves studying with you, and is actually a wonderful work buddy. (Always sneaks a glance at your adorable concentrated face)

@danibby

Kotaro Bokuto - Bokuto ADORES you with all his heart omg. When he catches you dancing or choreographing, he will straight up sway or beg you to teach him some moves, before proceeding to absolutely crush it. If he sees you trying out or applying some makeup/skincare products, he will ask you if he could watch or play with it too. Basically, he loves you so much, he just wants to understand and be a part of what you are doing, while he’ll also do the same where he’d teach you the little things he loves to do (will probably try to get you to play volleyball with him ahah). Is fantastic at cheering you up when you are not feeling too good about yourself, and will tickle fight you until you smile for him. Speaking of tickle fights, initiate it at your risk, because he is hella strong, he’ll pin you down or pick you up really easily to his advantage. BIGGEST HYPE MAN, you can walk out, wearing a trash bag and he would still be 😻😻😻.

@shhhlikeme

Aran Ojiro - I know I’m not being too original with this pairing because you actually crush on him to begin with, but you two are just perfect for each other tbh (was going to pick Toshi at first, but thought Aran would be a better fit)! Firstly, you are both absolutely S T U N N I N G ✨, I would be SO intimidated to come anywhere near this power couple. Secondly, you’re both so diligent, kind, and smart, everyone looks up to the two of you, wishing they could be you (Keep wishing, peeps 💅🏼) . Lastly, he seems like an absolute sweetheart, loveeeeees to spoil you with random hugs, kisses, and gifts, and will joke around with you a lot. He’ll find any way he could show you off to his friends, and they’d all be so jealous. It is nice to know that you can always lean on him if you ever have to, and he knows he could do the same with you. Bet your family absolutely LOVES him too, 100% the kind of guy you would want to bring home.

@bjbex​

Yu Nishinoya - Noya is IN LOVE with you, he thinks you are freaking beautiful, is a hottie, and basically his queen. He’d keep crushing on you until you finally give him a chance. When you are together, he’d do anything to please you, ultimately, he just wants to see you smile and happy all the time. He’ll crack some jokes and be a little goof just to cheer you up! Also wants you to freaking DOMINATE him hahahah, trusts you completely, please do as you would like, he’s all yours. Loves getting his lil booty smacked and pegged, but is also always down to pleasure you. Just grab him by his hair (loves getting his hair pulled) and put him in any position you want him.

Will pull some “accident” like this often, so please prepare yourself. Will travel the world with you and take a ton of photos, then proceed to set photos of you as his wallpaper/lock screen on every device.☝🏼

@dymphnasprose

Tendou Satori - Tendou ADORES YOU, for real, he freaking ADORES you (But I adore you more, so he can back down 🤚). He loves to be your little spoon (will literary purr if you give him head rubs), boasts about you to his friends all the time (especially to Toshi), likes to endearingly tease you a lot, and will cook you some nice food all the time (he probably went to culinary school, after all, to become a chocolatier). The first thing he does when he gets back home from work? Hunt you down and immediately cling on to you as he pepper kisses all over your face with that oWo face, if ya know what I mean. Also LOVES to get freaky, this man is flexible, he just loves being intimate with ya, so tell him what you want to do and he will most likely be down to at least give it a shot. ;) Also loves to randomly buy you some cute clothes or jewelry you had been eyeing, he doesn’t do it often, but he’ll spoil you with it here and there when he can. Loves to sing random songs for you, “Dymph-nuhhh, Dymph-nuhhh, my darlin, Dymph-nuhhh~~”

@pleasantanathema

Akiteru Tsukishima - Let me start off by saying that I am absolutely in love with Akiteru, and because I love him so much, I shall pair him with you! Lauren, I am in love with you from the very first moment you’ve hit me up, I feel like our vibes match and because I feel the same way with Akiteru, I believe he would really vibe with you too! He’s an absolute sweetheart who will go out of his ways just to make you happy, you’d both spend hours chit chatting about the most random things, just giggling constantly, and before you know it, it’s already really late at night. He LOVES taking photos of you, and his phone is filled with photos of the two of you. Kei doesn’t really care much about you, but Akiteru will keep bringing you up in conversations with him anyway because he’s just extremely grateful to have you in his life.

@afictionalwhore

Ittetsu Takeda - Listen, as much as I believe Keishin is the perfect man for us you, Takeda is another husband material, adorable man who would also be just as perfect.

LOOK AT HIM REALIZING THAT HE IS IN LOVE WITH U. Also Keishin looking like a snacc right next to him, but this post is not about him mmkay?

Takeda is so weak for you, he’ll spoil you rotten where he can, and his affection bank is unlimited, will constantly remind you that he loves you. He’s also really shy, so sometimes, he’ll try to be “sexy” and initiate something, only to stutter and blush terribly when he attempts to execute it, so please be kind HAHA (I think find that really endearing tbh). Fully understands how tiring it can be to work with children, he is also a teacher after all, so at the end of each day, you’ll both take warm baths together, cuddling as you laugh about all the silly things your kids had done today. Sometimes he will help substitute for you too, if you ever need to take a day off.

I’m very proud of this list, ngl, I stand by my ships 😉

[gallavictorious]

”You going out? I thought you weren't working tonight.”

Mickey looks up from his tie to see Ian leaning against the doorframe, in uniform and with his hair neatly slicked back.

”Nah, it isn't work. Well, not exactly,” he says, finishing the knot and taking a step back to admire the result in the mirror. He's getting pretty good at this. Lots of practice in the last few months, ever since he took the bodyguard gig officially on the road. Clients like it when he wears a tie. ”You know the chick I've been babysitting for the past few weeks, the one whose stalker I caught trying to climb in through the fucking window? She and her dad's taking me to some fancy place, uh... Piccolo something, to thank me. Since you're working the late shift, I thought – ”

Ian interrupts, straightening: ”Piccolo Sogno? Like, that really romantic place down in West Town? You telling me the girl who has a crush on you is taking you there?” He pauses, looking at Mickey with a cross between disbelief and bemusement. ”Are you going on a fucking date?”

Mickey stares at him. ”What the hell are you talking about?” he demands. Crush? Date? What?

---

The chick's name is Charlotte Eckerton.

He was supposed to call her Ms. Eckerton, she insisted he say Charlie, and what he actually went with was usually some classic television reference that she didn't get, or – when she's was being particularly annoying – ”hey, brat”. She was probably no worse than any other spoiled little North Side princess, but Mickey sure as hell didn't get why anyone, no matter how loony, would want to stalk her, because literally all she did was go to class, study, shop, and party with her equally irritating friends. Oh, and endlessly updating her Instagram stories with every last detail about her fascinating life, of course. He put a quick stop to that, because continually announcing your location to the public when a deranged psycho was stalking you was... well, let's face it, it was about as stupid as he expected from these people.

She threw a tantrum when he swapped her phone for one with restricted access to social media apps, and she tried to give him the slip at least twice a day for the first four days, going as far as paying some other goons to attack him while she made a run for it. She was not completely stupid, he had to give her that, and he was beginning to understand why her father had come to him rather than hire a more well-established firm. The girl was a complete nuisance, and occasionally quite clever about it. Clearly needed someone wise to all the tricks, and unafraid to rein her in and tell her in no uncertain terms when she was being an idiot.

Mr. Eckerton was loaded, having made his fortune doing some IT-shit or other, and for the kind of money he was offering, Mickey was prepared to put up with a quite a lot of hare-brained shenanigans, as well as hanging out at the Magnificent Mile afternoon after afternoon, and listening to the brat's endless babble about... hair? Make-up? Bands? Whatever. He didn't really pay attention; he'd have needed to be paid hell of a lot more than he was to do that.

After a week or so of thwarted escape attempts Charlotte had exchanged overt defiance for a more subtle approach, trying to throw him off his game by suddenly gifting him stuff, like a dark gray shirt ”that goes really well with your eyes”. He took the shirt, because it was pretty nice, as was the watch and the stupidly expensive hair-product she produced in the following days. He was a little insulted she thought he could be bought so easily, though; she'd have needed to double her father's money, at the very least – or gotten him a nice car. He had said as much to Ian, who had eyed the gifts with an unreadable expression on his face, and had failed to comment.

When bribery too proved a failed tactic she started asking a lot of personal question instead, fishing for weaknesses to exploit. Her strategy was pitifully obvious, however, and Mickey gave her nothing but monosyllabic responses. Finally, she resigned herself to being stuck with him for the time being, and mercifully stopped pestering him about letting her go to whatever concert or party was happening that night. She still dressed up and put on elaborate make-up every damned evening, though, even if it was just the two of them chilling at her place, but he supposed it was something for her to do. Fuck knew he could sympathize with the boredom of being locked up.  

So that was Charlotte, spoiled and stubborn and maybe a little bit clever underneath it all. Not the worst person he could imagine babysitting, not by a long shot, but not one he'd think back on either, now that the job was done. He probably wouldn't even have accepted her and her father's invitation to take him out for a meal, if it hadn't been for Ian's occasional insistence that he needed to be ”nicer to his clients” and ”cultivate professional contacts”. This only made his husband's reaction to the whole situation all the more annoying –

”It is not a date,” Mickey says flatly, irritation coloring his voice, because Ian is smiling at him in all too knowing way. ”I probably saved her fucking life, she wants to buy me dinner. That doesn't make this a – Listen, her fucking father is going to be there.”

”Yeah, sure he will.” Ian crosses his arms, still smirking like an asshole, but there's just a hint of an edge to the smile now. ”Does she even know you're gay?”

Mickey rolls his eyes. ”Of course she fucking knows, because I open every damned conversation with 'Hi, I'm Mickey and I love cocks' like a normal fucking faggot. Jesus. It hasn't come up. She knows I'm married.”

”Like that's gonna – ”

They're interrupted by the door to Liam's room opening, the boy stepping out to give them his very best judgemental look. ”Why are you yelling? I need to study.”

”Oh, it's nothing,” Ian says casually. ”Just Mickey having a date tonight. With a teenage girl.”

”She’s nineteen, and I am not – !”

Liam frowns. ”Is this like when he was fake-dating Byron to make you jealous? Are you going to go on a fake date too? With a girl?”  He pauses, frown deepening: ””Is there a Grindr for straight people?”

Ian's spared a reply as Lip comes up the stairs with Freddie in his arms. He pauses on the top step, brow furrowing as he takes in the scene: Mickey, dressed to the nines and with a scowl to match, Ian smiling with his arms crossed, and Liam wearing his trademark look, the one that says that everyone else is a bit of an idiot. ”What's going on here?”

”Mickey's going on a date with a woman.” Liam offers it readily, a true believer in the free dissemination of information. Probably something he picked up at private school.

Mickey gives a half-choked groan. ”It's not a – ! You know what, fuck you.” With one last glare and an extended middle finger, Mickey grabs his jacket and storms off.

Ian, Liam and Lip watch him go, nonplussed. Lip glances at Ian: ”Huh. Less than a year of marriage and you've already turned him off men.”

”Yeah, well. Have to admit I didn't see that one coming.”

---

The restaurant is fancy as hell, linen cloth and candlelight, one person to take his coat and another to show him to the table. Charlotte is already there, blonde hair pulled back in a strict ponytail, something expensive glittering around her neck and drawing attention to the generious helping of skin her lowcut black dress offers.

The table is set only for two. Mickey frowns as he takes his seat. ”Your father coming?”

”No.” The smile she gives him is very innocent. ”He got held up in a meeting, so he called to say he can't make it. He said to tell you sorry, and to thank you so much for your service.”

Listen to those alarm bells going off all at once... Mickey tries to mentally shake it off. It's nothing to worry about. Just Ian putting weird ideas into his head. ”Uh, yeah. Don't worry about it. Just doing my job.” He waves for the waiter to bring him a beer. He does need a drink, quite urgently.

Charlotte leans forward, looking up at him from under half-closed lids with a very intense expression on her perfectly moisturized face. ”You were so brave when Smithson attacked me. I don't know how I can ever thank you enough. You know, my father is paying for this meal, but if there was something else you wanted... ?”

And that's her grabbing the olive from her drink and very deliberately pushing it past her lips and that's... that's her foot, sans shoe, slowly sliding down his calf.

Oh. Fuck. This is a date. Inwardly groaning, Mickey rubs a tired hand over his face, before looking straight at Charlotte: ”You know I'm fucking gay, right? Like, married to a man?”  Jesus, Ian is never going to let him hear the end of this...

Charlotte reels back just a little, mouth falling slightly open. He's prepared for shock, disgust even – but instead a dreamy look appears on her face. ”Oh my god, that is sooo hot!”

What?

---

He feigns sleep when Ian returns home a quarter past midnight, but his husband isn't fooled. ”How was your date?” he murmurs as he slips in under the covers and wraps his arms around Mickey from behind.

”Shut the fuck up.”

A quiet laugh, a kiss pressed to his shoulder. ”I take it you're sticking with cocks for now then.”

And sure, there's a teasing edge to the words, and sure, he'll hear about this for-fucking-ever, but... Mickey turns around, facing Ian. ”I guess I am,” he agrees, reaching up to run his thumb over Ian's cheek.

Whatever mischief is there fades from Ian's eyes, from his voice: ”I'm glad,” he says simply, and pulls Mickey in for a kiss.

Yeah. So is he.

---

This one goes out to @starkcravingmad​  who suggested a teenage charge crushing on a clueless Mickey, in a reply to this post. I know you didn't ask me to write it, and I have no idea if this is even vaguely related to what you had in mind, but for better or worse you planted the seed, and here we are. Didn't intend for it to get this long, or this silly, but yeah.

[atths--twice]

Moving right along... This is one I wrote in February for a friend of mine before she had to go to the hospital for a major surgery. She was very nervous and as I am very far away, there is only so much I can do. Well, she loves the family stories and so... I wrote this for her as a sweet surprise. 

Hope you enjoy it. 

Happiness Triumphant      4/5

Summer has officially begun, and Mulder cannot wait to spend it with his little girl, who has just completed her first year of preschool.

June 2022

School was nearly over for the year, and summer was stretching out before them like a never ending road that promised many adventures. Camp outs, staying up late, trips to the library for story hour, arts and crafts, or simply being home and doing nothing.

Mulder had been looking forward to it for weeks, much to Scully’s amusement, even going so far as to crossing the days off the calendar with Faith. Big black X’s that made him smile, but for reasons Faith would never understand.

The square on the calendar for the seventeenth of June, was circled and decorated with ice cream cones, happy faces, and shooting stars. No way could anyone miss the importance of the day.

On the seventeenth, he waited at the school for Faith, pacing internally for twenty minutes as he sat in the car, working at getting the high score on Candy Crush, a game he denied playing anytime Scully questioned him about the app.

“I don’t play that game, Scully. It’s silly. You downloaded it and it showed up on my phone too, that’s all.” He would tell her as she nodded with her eyebrows raised, a look he knew all too well.

School’s Out began to play on his phone, interrupting his game, and he shut it off. Hearing it playing, he grinned, happy he had taken the time to figure out how to set it as his alarm.

It was finally noon and time to get his girl. He was giddy with excitement as he stepped out of the car and all but ran across the parking lot.

He was the first one at the gate, and he grinned when he saw her face pressed to the classroom window, her blue eyes shining with happiness, and a huge smile on her face.

She ran to him when the door opened, her dark hair flying free from the braids Scully had taken the time to put in that morning.

“Daddy!” she shouted, wrapping her arms around his neck. “It’s the day, Daddy! It’s ice cream day!”

“It is and so much more! No more school! You don’t have to be back here for three months! No more school! No more school! Oh… sorry Miss Cole. We, uh…” he said, catching sight of Faith’s teacher. He looked at Faith and she smiled, absolutely no help to him in his moment of awkwardness.

“It’s quite alright, Mr. Mulder,” Miss Cole said with a smile. “If you promise not to tell anyone, at this time next week, I’ll feel the same way.” She put a finger to her lips and winked.

He chuckled and nodded, reaching into his back pocket as he shifted Faith to his side. “This is from Dana and I. I know Faith gave you her card…”

“Which I will treasure always. Hand print flowers are my weakness.”

“Right. Well, we wanted you to also have a little something extra, so this is for you.” He handed her a pink greeting card envelope and smiled at her. “Thank you for everything this year. Faith has enjoyed your class and she’s really blossomed. I know you had a lot to do with it, so thank you.”

Miss Cole sniffled and took the card with a shaky smile. “Thank you. She’s been a joy to have in class and I’m excited to see the person she continues to become.” She touched Faith’s shoulder and she dove into her arms. Miss Cole gave out a laugh which ended on a sob, as she hugged her tightly.

“I love you Miss Cole! Do you want come and get ice cream with us? I like chocolate,” Faith asked, pulling back to look at her.

“No… I…” Her eyes were wet and she swallowed a couple of times. “I would love to, but I have to say goodbye to the other children. You have a wonderful summer, and I’ll see you next year, okay?”

“Okay!” She slid down and went to grab her backpack and lunchbox.

“She’s a very sweet girl. I know we’re not supposed to have favorites,” she said conspiratorially, looking at the other children. “But come on…” He laughed and nodded.

“I agree, but I am rather biased. Thank you again. Have a great summer.” He smiled as Faith ran back to him and handed him her things, hugging Miss Cole once more.

Taking Faith’s hand, they walked past the other parents who were beginning to trickle in to pick up their children, most of them not appearing to be as excited as he felt. But then, they did not have a blue eyed girl who had been counting down to today, her excitement nearly as high as his own.

“Daddy, can I have sprinkles on my ice cream?”

“Don’t you always?”

“Uh huh. But it’s polite to ask, right?”

“It is indeed, my girl,” he said with a laugh. “It is indeed. How about today you get sprinkles and gummy bears?”

“Really?”

“Sure! It’s the last day of school! We are freeeeee!” He threw his head back and howled and she copied him, both of them howling to the sky and then laughing as they looked at each other.

“Come on, my wild girl, let’s go get that ice cream.” He scooped her up and buckled her in her seat, dropping her bags on the floorboard, and waving goodbye to the school as they drove away.  

“See you next time!” Faith called and he smiled as he looked back at her in the rear view mirror; a little carbon copy of him and Scully all rolled into one little person.

The drive to the ice cream shop took about fifteen minutes, during which she told him about her last day of school. They played most of the day and then helped Miss Cole box up the toys for the children to play with the next school year.

“Sounds like you had fun and you were productive.”

“What does pro-duc-tive mean?”

“It means you worked at something and accomplished a goal. The goal was to box up the toys and help Miss Cole. You and your classmates worked together, you were productive, and you finished that goal,” he explained, glancing back at her again.

“Oh. Yeah, we were very pro-duc-tive. I helped Elijah put the cars in the red bin and Margot helped Ryan do the instruments. Miss Cole said it was good teamwork.”

“And she’s right, you all worked hard and got the job done, now it’s time forrrrrrr ICE CREAM!” he shouted as they pulled into the parking lot and she lifted her arms in the air in celebration.

Walking into the shop, he let her go ahead of him, waving at the girl behind the counter, and then startling when Faith suddenly yelled out.

“Mommy!” she said, as she ran to the left and sure enough, there stood Scully, smiling as she bent down to receive Faith’s hug. “You surprised me, Mommy!” Scully laughed and met Mulder’s eyes over Faith’s shoulder.

“Was it a good surprise?” Scully asked, as Faith pulled back and held her face in her small hands.

“The best surprise! Are you getting ice cream too?”

“I am, my love.” Scully smiled as she brushed Faith’s hair back and kissed her forehead. “Come on, let’s pick out our flavors.” She stood up and grasped Faith’s hand, smiling at Mulder as she walked closer. “Surprised?”

“Without a doubt,” he said, kissing her lips and squeezing her upper arm. “What are you doing here?”

“Well, I couldn’t miss the most important day of the year. It’s only been on the calendar for two months now,” she teased and he smiled, kissing her again.

“You joining us just for ice cream?”

“Nope,” she smiled. “I took the rest of the day off. Just had to finish up paperwork this morning and I am here for it all.”

“Well, that’s the best surprise I could hope to hear.” He placed his hand on the small of her hack and they walked over to place their order.

Sitting down at a table, Scully stopped Faith from taking her first bite, tying her hair back first, knowing how messy she could get.

“What happened to the braids I put in your hair this morning?” Scully asked, tucking a strand behind Faith’s ear.

“I was Rapunzel today. She doesn’t have braids,” she responded, taking a big bite of her chocolate ice cream, a gummy bear falling from her spoon and into her cup.

“Hmm. Can’t argue with that logic,” Scully smiled and shrugged, taking a bite of her own ice cream; chocolate with salted caramel sauce and brownie bits.

Mulder winked at her and scooped a large bite of his ice cream into his mouth; strawberry with white chocolate sauce. Licking his lips, he watched Scully staring and leaned forward with a napkin.

“Oh, you have a little drool there,” he teased with a smirk, wiping at the corner of her mouth.

“Oh… you better just knock it off.” She laughed and pushed his hand away as she shook her head.

“Daddy, here, have one of my gummy bears.” No chance to politely refuse or even lean away, she shoved a cold hard gummy bear between his lips and into his mouth. He coughed as he sat back in his seat, rolling the candy around on his tongue, letting it thaw a bit before he bit it.

“Instant karma, I love it,” Scully laughed and Faith took another big bite, watching him chew the candy.

“Double karma,” he said, making a face. “It’s a green one.” Scully laughed harder as Faith frowned. “Thank you honey, I love it.” Her frown changed to a smile as he kissed the top of  her head, making another face at Scully.

They continued eating their ice cream, as Faith told them what she did on her last day; playing and having fun with her friends.

“Miss Cole gave me a present. It’s in my backpack. Can I open it in the car?” she asked Mulder, her lips and chin covered in chocolate. He smiled and wiped her mouth and then saw the state of her hands.

“Why don’t you and Mommy go wash up, I’ll toss out our trash, and we can go see about that present?”

She jumped down from her chair and they went to the bathroom while he cleared their table. When they returned, she took each of their hands and they walked out to the car.

As Faith opened her gift, a book she had loved in the classroom, Scully moved her car to a shadier spot, before getting into Mulder’s car.

“How about we go to the children’s museum?” she suggested, as she buckled her seat belt and Faith cheered.

For the next two hours, Faith ran around playing with everything: the water area, the pretend city where she shopped and then scanned her groceries, the stage where she controlled the lights and sound, and the little farm area with real live chicks in a plastic covered habitat.

Watching a puppet show, with Faith sitting front and center, Mulder and Scully sat in the back on a faux log. Sighing as the children all laughed, Mulder glanced at her.

“You okay?” he asked, interlocking his fingers with hers.

“Hmm? Yeah, I’m okay,” she said quietly.

“Didn’t sound very convincing,” he replied, nudging her a little with his shoulder. She sighed and squeezed his hand, putting her head on his shoulder.

“It’s going by so fast,” she whispered and he watched Faith, pointing excitedly at the puppets along with the other kids, telling them to look behind them.

“Some of it, Scully. Not everything,” he said and she sighed again. “I’ve loved every age and stage of her life, but this right now, this is the best. She can express her feelings, her wants and needs, and she can understand consequences- good and bad. She’s so much fun, so intelligent, and has such a beautiful soul.”

“Mulder,” she breathed, taking a shaky breath and sniffing.

“Hey, I didn’t mean to make you cry. I’m sorry,” he said, letting go of her hand and putting his arm around her, pulling her close. “What are you thinking?”

“I don’t know,” she sighed. “I love working, but I want to be at home too. I know this was my decision, and you’ve never made me feel I’ve made the wrong one, but… I don’t know. Should I have waited until she started kindergarten in a couple of years? She will be there full time then…”

“Scully, stop or you’ll make me cry,” he said with a heavy sigh. “I don’t even want to think about that right now. This past year has been hard enough. The three hours she’s gone, twice a week, is bad enough. But all day? Five days a week?” She chuckled as he shook his head and she placed her hand on his thigh, giving it a squeeze.  

“I say, we enjoy the moments we are in, and worry later, especially on a day like today. It’s ice cream day, Scully.” He rubbed her arm and she laughed.

“Yes, it is. Okay. No more crying. Be in the now, right?”

“Well if we’re talking Wayne’s World, the quote is live in the now, but otherwise, you’re right.”

“I wasn’t talking Wayne’s World.”

“Seems silly not to be, but then I suppose that means you’re right,” he said, moving his arm to clap for the end of the puppet show along with everyone else.

“I do enjoy hearing that,” she teased, as they stood up to meet Faith.

“I know you do,” he said, close to her ear, and he heard her chuckle.

Deciding it was time to leave, they walked through the gift shop, telling Faith she could pick one item. Taking her decision very seriously, she walked around the shop looking at everything. Hearing her gasp, they both wondered what had caught her eye.

She reached out toward a black picnic box covered in brightly colored planets, comets, stars, and meteoroids. All of them, save the tiny stars, had happy smiling faces.

“That’s Earth. And that’s Saturn. Mars. Neptune. What’s this purple one?” She held the box in her hands and pointed to it, looking up at Mulder.

“I don’t think it’s entirely accurate, but it’s pretty cute. Let’s see what’s inside, shall we?” He knelt down beside her and they unlocked it.

Opening it, they found a tea set. Four cups, plates, and saucers, a tray to serve it on and a teapot all decorated with stars and planets. The tray had an astronaut, a monkey, and a dog wearing round clear helmets as they stood on the moon.

“Ohhh, I love it,” she said, touching the teapot. “It has a dog on it. Like Bella. Can I have this?”

“Absolutely! One tea set coming right up!” He stood up and handed it back to Faith. “You lead the way, my love.” She grinned and carried her purchase to the register as they followed her.

“She already has a tea set, you know,” Scully said quietly.

“Not one with planets,” he said just as quietly and she laughed.

The girl at the register smiled as she rang up the tea set and Mulder handed Faith the money to pay for it which she did happily. Change given, they thanked her and walked out, Faith carrying her lunchbox with a big smile.

They dropped Scully back at her car, with plans for her to pick up food for dinner, while they went home to put away the school things and give Faith a bath. Scully waved as they drove away, Faith chattering in the backseat about her new tea set.

When they got home, they greeted Bella who was very happy to see them, running around the yard and chasing Faith. She laughed as she fell in the grass and Bella licked her face, before lying down beside her, pushing her head at Faith, wanting to be pet.

“You’re a good girl, Bella. I love you,” she told her, kissing her head and getting up to go into the house with Bella following.

Inside, they had a ceremonial putting away of her cleaned out school backpack and lunch bag, saying thank you for the school year and they would see it in a few months. Then they went upstairs and Faith had a fun time splashing and playing in the mountains of sweet smelling bubbles added to her bath as Bella lay beside the tub keeping watch.

Dried and dressed in her unicorn nightgown, Mulder braided her hair, though not as neatly as Scully always seemed to get them. Adding two sparkly clips, they went downstairs to open her tea set.

“Oh, wait!” she shouted, as they had it all set up. She ran upstairs, coming back down with her alien and a small purple unicorn. “We needed more people.” She set them on the coffee table in front of the plates, as Mulder knelt down at his place.

“May I please have some tea, Miss Faith?” he asked, holding out his tin star covered cup.

“You may,” she said, lifting the tea pot and pouring some water into his cup.

“Mm, it smells delicious. Which flavor did you choose today?”

“It’s cinnamon and honey.”

“An excellent choice,” he said, taking a small sip with his pinky in the air. She poured some into the other cups and then lifted hers to take a sip.

“Mm, it’s very good. The honey makes it very sweet,” she said knowingly and he nodded.

“May I have a cookie, Miss Faith?”

“You may.” She offered him the plate of shortbread cookies, adding one to each of the plates and to her own.

“Such lovely treats you’ve prepared today. Thank you for inviting me to such a splendid party.”

“Daddy, you’re so silly,” she said with a giggle and he made a funny face at her.

Halfway through their second cup, Scully came in with bags of food. Deciding on a picnic in the house, they put away the tea party, laid a blanket out on the floor, and sat down to eat their dinner.

They each snuck bites of food to Bella who was ecstatic at their apparent new eating arrangements. Faith giggled a lot as they ate, the fun of the day seeming to catch up with her. Scully told some funny stories, thus increasing the laughter and soon they were all laughing and trying to stop, thought it was nearly impossible.

Once they had calmed down and dinner was finished and cleared away, Mulder suggested a movie night, something they had not seen before.

“How about Rapunzel, since you pretended to be her today, Faith? We haven’t seen that yet, right? No wait, it’s not called that, it’s something else. What’s it called? Wrapped Up?”

“I think you mean Tangled,” Scully laughed and he nodded.

“Yes.Tangled. Let’s have a pajama party and watch that movie.”

So they did. Popcorn was popped, waters brought to the coffee table, and cozy blankets gathered. The lights were dimmed as the movie started, Faith snuggled in between them, her alien in her arms.

Fifteen minutes in and she asked at least thirty questions. Mulder paused it to try to answer them in better depth so she understood that Rapunzel had been taken from her parents and raised by the mean mommy, who did not love her, but only her hair.

“Her hair is really long,” she said, watching the mean mommy slide down it as Mulder unpaused the movie. “Why doesn’t she cut it?”

“Remember it turns brown, like when she was a baby. She can’t cut it or it will lose its magic,” Scully told her.

“Oh, yeah.”

Mulder looked at Scully and smiled as they watched her watch the movie. She did not watch much television, but when she did, she was always engrossed in what was happening.

It was quiet for a bit as they watched the funnier bits, all of them laughing at the horse, and Rapunzel trying to shove Flynn into her closet.

“I don’t like her mean mommy yelling at her,” she said, turning her head and hiding on Scully as she held her arm. “She’s being mean.” Mulder looked at Scully again and she stuck out her lip with a smile.

“I like the lizard, he’s funny.”

“He’s a chameleon, honey. He can change colors.”

“Oh no, her mean mommy is back. I don’t like her, Mommy. She makes me sad.”

“Do you want me to turn it off, baby?” Mulder asked and she shook her head.

“I just want to hold onto Mommy,” she said, her head on Scully’s arm as she held it. Scully smiled as she leaned her own head down on top of hers.

Again watching Faith more than the movie, she had become quieter, but very animated, and they smiled. She sat forward, soaking it all in, as she hid her face, covered her mouth, and stared at the television with wide eyes.

“The mean mommy is trying to trick Rapunzel. Mommy, I don’t want to see her.” She hid in Scully’s arm, only looking when they said she was gone.

“I like the horse, he’s like Bella. Oh, they’re at the castle now. It’s so pretty there. I like all the flowers in her hair too.”

She got off the couch and spun around as Rapunzel danced with Flynn, actually named Eugene, and Bella barked at her as she did. Scully reached for Mulder’s hand and squeezed it, her chin scrunching as they watched her spinning around and then stopping as the music did, Eugene and Rapunzel also stopping. She stood in front of the television, watching the movie, not coming back to the couch.

“That’s her real mommy and daddy. Is her daddy sad?”

“Yes, he is,” Mulder said, and she turned around, her eyes big.

“Why is he sad?”

“Because he misses his little girl. Remember the mean mommy took her away from them when she was a baby and they have missed her very much.”

She looked back at the movie and then came over and crawled into his lap, her head under his chin as he wrapped an arm around her. Scully moved over and he put his other arm around her as they sat silently watching the movie.

Until Faith gasped and sat up, leaning forward.

“The lights are so pretty. So many beautiful lights.”

Scully leaned her head on his shoulder and took a deep breath. “Makes me think of the lanterns for my mom,” she whispered and he nodded, squeezing her arm.

“Oh no, the mean guys are there, Daddy,” Faith burrowed back in his lap and he smiled, holding her tightly.

“Look honey, Rapunzel figured it out. She remembers seeing the sun when she was a little baby. She knows she’s the princess that’s been lost,” he said and she turned her head to look before hiding again when the mean mommy was coming after Rapunzel.

“Oof,” Mulder said with a groan as Eugene escaped from jail on the horse. “No chance for the royal bloodline to advance after Eugene lands on the saddle that hard.” He shifted his legs a little and Scully laughed.

“The horse is flying!”

“Oh Daddy, I don’t like the mean mommy,” she said, leaning back against him, reaching her arm up to wrap around his neck.

“Oh! Eugene cut off all her long hair!”

“Damn. Pascal just straight up murdered Mother Gothel,” Scully muttered as Faith leaned forward again.

“It’s okay, he’s a chameleon. He knows how to cover it up,” Mulder murmured and she covered her mouth and giggled.

“Her magic hair is gone. She can’t help Eugene and he’s hurt.”  

“Let’s just see what happens, honey.”

Faith gasped as Rapunzel’s tear fell on Eugene’s cheek and he began to glow a bright yellow before waking up, completely healed. She smiled and clapped her hands when they hugged, climbing into Scully’s lap and hugging her hard, then reaching for Mulder and hugging him too.

“Look, her mommy and daddy are happy now,” Faith said, when the family was finally reunited. They nodded, both of them suddenly unable to speak past the lumps in their throats. She got down off the couch and danced around again as the movie ended and they wiped at their slightly wet eyes.

“That ending just about did me in, Jesus Christ,” he muttered, thinking of how they all fell to the ground as they hugged. “Leave it to Disney, as usual.”

Turning off the movie and television, he looked at Faith and smiled. “So, what did you think, honey? Did you like it?”

“Yes, but not the mean mommy. She took Rapunzel away from her family. That’s not nice.”

“No. It’s not, but she’s with them now and they’re all happy again.”

“I don’t want someone to take me away,” she said, her eyes filling with tears. “I don't want to leave you.”

“Oh, honey, come here,” he said, hating to see her so upset. Her eyes were the exact shade as Scully’s. Seeing her cry made him ache, just as it always did when Scully cried, and he saw such pain in the blue depths.

Faith came over and climbed onto his lap, crying hard as she clung to him. “If the mean… mommy took me… I would be… all alone,” she sobbed and he turned to Scully for help, only to discover she had tears in her eyes as well.

“Oh come on,” he whispered, not knowing what to do as both his ladies were crying. “This isn’t fair. It’s double the blue eyes against me.”

Scully tried to laugh but it only came out as a sob. He pulled her close and they became a mirror image of the movie, the three of them huddled together in tears. He shook his head as they cried, letting out a laugh of disbelief at the drastic turn the evening had taken.

“Faith, my love, no one would ever take you away from us. Not ever. Not in a million years. This was just a story, one that a person made up to be fun and exciting,” he said, above her soft cries. “Nearly every book or movie has a villain, the bad guy or girl, and a hero, the good guy or girl. For this movie, the villain was the mean mommy and the heroes were Rapunzel and Eugene. They worked together to stop the mean mommy and they saved the day.”

“It was teamwork?” she asked softly.

“Yes. In fact, there was a lot of teamwork. All the guys helped Eugene and then he was able to help Rapunzel.”

She was quiet and then she sat up, staring at him with big, wet eyes. “No one will take me?”

“No one. Daddy and Mommy would never let that happen. Or Bella. You think Bella would let anything bad happen to you?” She smiled as she looked over at Bella who was sleeping on her bed and shook her head. “No way. She’s your protector and she would bite whoever tried to do anything to you. Probably right on their butt.”

He smiled at her and she laughed as she looked at him again. He wiped her eyes and stroked her cheeks, kissing her forehead and sighing.

“Better now, my love?” She nodded. “And you, Mommy? Are you okay?” Scully laughed softly as she sat up. “You ladies can’t both cry like that because what am I supposed to do then? Four blue eyes filling with tears is too much for anyone, but especially me.”

Scully sighed and stared at him, her eyes still wet as she gave him a knowing look. He nodded, aware of what and of whom she was thinking.

“It’s not the same.”

“I know,” she whispered. “It’s just…”

“I know.” She sighed again and he stroked her cheek.

“Faithy, I think Mommy could use a great big monster hug.”

Faith leaned over and Scully pulled her into her lap, hugging her tightly, murmuring in her ear. He watched them, upset that he had chosen a movie which caused sadness, but glad that it could be fixed with a hug and some extra love.

Not wanting to end the night on a bad note, and even though it was getting late, he made a decision and suggested another tea party. Faith’s eyes lit up and they worked together to clear the coffee table. He filled the teapot with cold water and brought over one cookie each, setting them on a plate.

Gathering around the table, they nodded at one another, stating what a glorious evening it was for such a wonderful tea party. Cookies were distributed, tea was poured, and together they smiled, lifted their cups, and took a sip.

The happy replacing the sad. The heroes triumphantly defeating the villain.

[fmdjaewonarchive]

► agree.

date(s): july 2020 - february 2021 mentions of: champion members, unity members (samsoo, yul & sunghee mentioned by name but like... blink and you’ll miss it)  word count: +/- 2.3k words (870w lyrics/660 words composition/740 words production) warnings: mentions of anxiety, panic attacks and car accidents details: full lyrics and full composition verification for agree, 3/3 verifications for jaewon’s upcoming album escapism. jaewon doesn’t only know how to write sad boi music, he also writes angry boi music, the only two emotions he’s ever experienced rlly. (a/n: i lost my braincells within the first 100 words and still haven’t retrieved them, read at your own discretion)

the song is born out of frustration, anger blocking up his throat to the point it feels hard to breathe.

it’s the kick-off point of champion’s world tour, a concept that has jaewon disgruntled enough as it is, snatching him away from unity and dropping him in the states like he is supposed to care about this group, like he doesn’t have better things to worry about.

but alas that’s beside his point, as much as he detests the idea behind champion, it’s not his main source of frustration.

traveling out to the states, that part is hell. now jaewon has never been a huge fan of traveling, suffering from a crippling fear of flying ever since predebut that somehow has not gotten any less severe with the sheer amount of flying all over the place unity has been doing. jaewon also absolutely hates airports, they’re too crowded, too hectic and far too stressful to not immediately put him in a godawful mood.

the cameras shoved right into his face both prior to departure and directly after arrival definitely didn't help.

comparatively, champion’s trip to the states this time hadn’t been that bad. jaewon just happens to be in an extra foul mood today but rationally, he has to admit that he’s seen far worse throughout the years.

but maybe that’s exactly the problem, how common these things have become, that getting pushed and pulled at while trying to get on flight was considered to be mild.

jaewon’s frustration isn’t solely aimed at an isolated instance, it’s at the ridiculous standard that’s been set for idols, the things they have to accept like they are normal.

normally he would call soo to complain about whatever was bothering him but with the time difference, jaewon knew his boyfriend was ought to be asleep at this hour and he definitely wasn’t waking him up for something this minor.

he even humors the thought of perhaps finding sunghee or yul to complain to but with most of champion out for the night doing whatever (admittedly, jaewon didn’t listen when they were making plans, he wasn’t gonna tag along anyway) that isn’t really in the cards either. perhaps that’s for the best, jaewon isn’t the biggest fan of actually talking to the younger unity members about what was on his mind.

either way, jaewon is stuck in a hotelroom by himself, no one around to really vent his frustration too so instead, he might just as well write it all down.

and that’s exactly what he does, settling down at the desk in his hotelroom, scribbling on a notepad randomly found laying around.

on the plane the person in the seat next to me that’s not my fan apparently buying info off the airplane company

it’s not entirely relevant to what happened at the airport earlier but jaewon feels angry all over just thinking about it. unity has had it’s fair share of experiences with saesangs, seemingly only increasing the more popular they keep getting. sure, that makes sense but it doesn’t mean it’s okay, contrary to what dimensions seem to believe with how easily the company brushes it off under the pretense of it just being another part of the job.

at the airplane lounge there’s a war between the 200 mm guns privacy, panic disorder, they barter with one another...

in the first place, jaewon’s main concern is unity, it always is. he’s willing to put up with a lot if it means the younger members are left off the hook. but he has to admit, since the panic attacks have started to become more prevalent, it’s a lot harder to take that stance. it’s hard to take care of others when he fails to take care of himself.

jaewon tries not to think about what that means for his position as a leader.

from early morning put on a mask and fight on in short, call it being a puppet...

jaewon knows he’s not an ideal idol, he’s never been and he never will be. maybe in retrospect, he would have done things differently but there is no use in considering those what-ifs now. there is, however, no denying that all of it is just a bigger struggle with him, it will never go as easily as with people who were made to stand in front of the camera’s. why shouldn’t he get to be open and honest about that? he’s not the perfect idol they want him to be, he will never fit that mold.

i know, that’s right that’s right that’s right that’s right that’s right that’s right i know that’s right that’s right that’s right

written out, the chorus feels a bit silly, but jaewon feels justified in his creative choices. not that the song is ever going to be used for anything, it’s just an attest to his frustration. jaewon knows he’s ought to sit down and silently accept whatever is expected of him.

it’s been years since he’s been his own person. these days, he’s dimensions’ property first and that of the general public second, there is no use in fighting that, no space for his voice.

so sure, whatever, he agrees, what else can he do?

---------------

jaewon forgets about the lyrics he’s written down after that.

in the moment there had been no intention to turn them into a full-fledged song, a haphazard combination of lyrics that in their raw form, probably held very little meaning, too much filler between the few parts that he did properly think through.

so jaewon forgets all about it before he even sets foot back in korea again. unity is busy enough, the release of neo zone lurking around the corner and with multiple schedules of his own, jaewon can’t even think about the song if he wants to.

it only comes drifting back into his consciousness at least a month of two having passed since champion’s american tour dates.

the day in itself isn’t anything special, if there is anything remarkable about it it’s the fact jaewon isn’t working for once. he’s just hanging around his and samsoo’s apartment, scrolling through whatever app on his phone keeps his attention for long enough.

until an article pops up.

it’s a news post about a rookie group he’s never heard of from a company he doesn’t know the name of, it has nothing to do with him, but he finds himself reading through it anyway. apparently, they got into an accident on their way home from schedules as they were being followed by saesangs. no one got injured and truly, it’s not the first time jaewon has read news like this but it does fill him with the same sense of anger as what he had experienced that first day in the states with champion.

because this type of news shouldn’t be common, for how long are people gonna pretend it is?

maybe he should finish that damn song.

wait does he even still have the lyrics?

jaewon vaguely remembers at the very least putting the sheet of paper in his backpack after the concert as he had been packing up to move to the next city of their tour but after that, he can’t say he recalls having seen it lay around.

he’s really ought to get more orderly with his drafts.

luckily for him, jaewon does find the sheet of paper, not in his bag but shoved in between the pages of a notebook and with the draft of his lyrics obtained he makes a beeline for his home studio. normally he’d do this stuff at the company headquarters but truly, that sounds like far too much work in the moment.

obviously, the song is meant to have an angry undertone to it, supposed to convey the same anger and frustration that swallowed jaewon whole as he had written the lyrics.

the deep, resonating boom of low brass sounds for the opening of the song are a no brainer, the sound gives a bombastic, ominous vibe, immediately setting the song off on the right note. it’s supposed to sound grande and honestly a little bit intimidating, a dark feeling creeping around the corners.

of course, the sound is far too theatrical to be underlaying to the entire song so jaewon alternates it with a deep, booming bassline, the brass only reappearing right before the chorus other than in the opening section as if to give off a warning. to fill up the verses and the parts in between, jaewon adds rumbling, deep drums in the background, making them feel less empty.

what really makes the song however is the rapidly-cycling electronic stuttering a rhythmic pattern across almost all parts of the song. it feels a little distracting at first before jaewon decides that really, that’s exactly what he’s going for. the melody feels just a little too fast, uncomfortably so and in a song reflecting so much stress and strain, that only feels fair, reflectives of the way his chest tightens up when he can’t breathe, when his hands tremble and his heart beats so fast it might as well make him sick.

jaewon thinks it conveys his frustrations pretty damn well.

---------------

it doesn’t seem in the books for the song to ever be released until the process of selecting songs for escapism comes along. while jaewon regains some of his creative freedom, most of it had been under dimensions terms, leaving it up to them to shape the album in a way they prefer over his creative vision.

until somewhere near the end of completing the track list, the head producer asks jaewon if he has any songs laying around that could fit in with the rest of the album.

‘agree’ is the first thing to come to mind.

the head producer seems to like the songs, enough to approve it at least and jaewon can’t help but feel a flare of pride. the producer seems intent on leaving the creative process in his hands, letting him handle the production.

it makes ‘agree’ the first song ever that’s entirely his own that he gets to release, it feels like a milestone to jaewon.

he does get a little list of suggestions, mainly pertaining to the lyrics. the producer leaves a few remarks here and there about where lines could be stronger, what he would do differently but all of it are very loose recommendations, jaewon isn’t actually under an obligation to do anything with them.

in the end, he does anyway, shuffles some lyrics around, dares to be a bit more assertive in his wording, right onto the border of what he would consider too gloat-y for himself. but the producer is right, it gets to pack a punch, it gets to be a little bit self-important. somehow having the external confirmation makes it easier to write those lyrics without feeling like a fraud. it’s still his, his writing, his song.

with the last tweaks done they’re quick to get to recording. they’re still on a time crunch as jaewon’s manager reminds him (jaewon likes the man well enough but dear lord would he never let him forget). it's one of the last songs on the album to be recorded after all and at this point, they are cutting it close.

with everything else he needs done, all jaewon has left to do is fine tune the song, the last tweaks and sounds to be added like missing puzzle pieces now he has the bigger picture pretty much laid out in front of him, polishing and detailing it to elevate the song worth of something to be released on an album.

the instrumental is already pretty hectic, fully intentional of course, but with a proper, clear recording it’s easier to spot the empty gaps, spaces to add the last finishing touches. he adds more brass, less grande and dramatic than the ones in the pre-chorus, curling around the edges of the chorus to round them up neatly and as if to scale down again for the verses, still fast paced but somewhat a breath of fresh air between one chorus and the other.

he delays the part at the opening before the brass and bass kick in, a silence before the storm feels even if the hyperactive stuttering beat is already there, he considers taking that out at first too but the point kind of is that it is more or less omnipresent, it’s always there even when there is nothing else much, like the anxiety that feels permanently stuck to his head.

there is also the addition of an extra melodic line, lingering behind that main, slightly headache inducing electronic synth. it doesn’t really stand out, especially not compared to it’s main competitor but it does remain prevalent in the few parts the main instrumental motif is nowhere to be found, giving it small moments to shine. it serves a clear function, or to jaewon listening ear at least (maybe he’s overanalyzing at this point). the little bounces of the electronic beat all over the place keep up the pace of the song, making sure its explosive nature prevails over the dark dreary undertones of the bassline and brass sections, giving it an overall dynamic feel.

it takes some fiddling, jaewon pulls something close to an all-nighter to finish up the song with the sheer amount of detail he ends up focussing on but by the time he sends it in, he has a good feeling about it at least.

when he presents the final product to the head producer, there are no more suggestions. it’s good, and it’s all his own work.

[mynachopaper]

Heyo...I’d like you to answer all of the weird questions that say a lot please...😇🖤

That’s very naughty of you. I expect payment when I’m done...

1. coffee mugs, teacups, wine glasses, water bottles, or soda cans?

Wine glasses. I love their shape

2. chocolate bars or lollipops?

Chocolate

3. bubblegum or cotton candy?

Bubble gum, I like the oral fixation

4. how did your elementary school teachers describe you?

Wierd, creepy, creative. “He needs to find an outlet or have a beating”- My arabic teacher

5. do you prefer to drink soda from soda cans, soda bottles, plastic cups or glass cups?

Glass bottles

6. pastel, boho, tomboy, preppy, goth, grunge, formal or sportswear?

Tomboy

7. earbuds or headphones?

Headphones

8. movies or tv shows?

Both

9. favorite smell in the summer?

river in the cedar forest

10. game you were best at in p.e.?

Fencing

11. what you have for breakfast on an average day?

Nothing (sometimes fruit if I need to)

12. name of your favorite playlist?

SHmood

13. lanyard or key ring?

key ring

14. favorite non-chocolate candy?

Turkish delights

15. favorite book you read as a school assignment?

Simon versus the Homosapien agenda

16. most comfortable position to sit in?

Legs to my chest on a chair

17. most frequently worn pair of shoes?

My trainers

18. ideal weather?

Thunder and rain

19. sleeping position?

Curled up on my side

20. preferred place to write (i.e., in a note book, on your laptop, sketchpad, post-it notes, etc.)?

Notebook but laptops are great for convenience

21. obsession from childhood?

Horror stories and or occult (Yes I cringe too)

22. role model?

Don’t have one

23. strange habits?

I like to practice voices and movements (mostly for DnD) anywhere. Shopping, cooking, with the cat. normally I’m on my own but I’ve been caught a few times.

24. favorite crystal?

Obsidian

25. first song you remember hearing?

Wide, wide as the ocean- My dad sang it to me as a kid

26. favorite activity to do in warm weather?

Swimming

27. favorite activity to do in cold weather?

Bonfire jumping (used to do it with the scout kids)

28. five songs to describe you?

Fall into me- Alev Lenz

Rush- I am waiting for you last summer

Smile- Nat King Cole

Limb to limb- Fatal

Kiss breakdown- Micheal Brook (Perks of being a wallflower soundtrack) 

29. best way to bond with you?

Discuss your passions and your fears. Other than that, play silly games with me.

30. places that you find sacred?

Anywhere that is deemed so. 

31. what outfit do you wear to kick ass and take names?

My pajamas (honestly no idea)

32. top five favorite vines?

Don’t have favourites.

33. most used phrase in your phone?

I love you to the moon and back.

34. advertisements you have stuck in your head?

I have adblock so I don’t hear enough for them to get stuck. Maybe the old spice commercial.

35. average time you fall asleep?

12-1am

36. what is the first meme you remember ever seeing?

The orly owl

37. suitcase or duffel bag?

Duffel bag

38. lemonade or tea?

lemonade

39. lemon cake or lemon meringue pie?

Lemon meringue pie (obviously)

40. weirdest thing to ever happen at your school?

Nothing too weird. We did have a slew of dead birds that were killed and placed in weird positions. They were claimed to be omens.

The culprit was never caught. But I did have an old journal where I kept notes on them. I lost it in the move though..

41. last person you texted?

My online friend in the uk

42. jacket pockets or pants pockets?

Jacket pockets

43. hoodie, leather jacket, cardigan, jean jacket or bomber jacket?

Hoodie, I need the soft

44. favorite scent for soap?

sandalwood

45. which genre: sci-fi, fantasy or superhero?

Fantasy, DnD for life

46. most comfortable outfit to sleep in?

Shirt and underwear

47. favorite type of cheese?

Brie

48. if you were a fruit, what kind would you be?

Orange

49. what saying or quote do you live by?

Already answered

50. what made you laugh the hardest you ever have?

When my friend and I got stuck in traffic so we listened to the John Mulaney story about the salt and pepper diner. Afterward we actually made the playlist and listened to it. We died, the song got to us and we lost our minds.

51. current stresses?

My Father being ok back home. Me not finishing uni. Breaking my promise to my friends back home of making something of myself.

52. favorite font?

Bree Serif

53. what is the current state of your hands?

Their ok, quite dexterous. My nails have grown out too

54. what did you learn from your first job?

People take production for granted. The public opinion of a show means little. The entertainment industry is weaker than everyone treats it.

55. favorite fairy tale?

The Bloody Chamber

Book by Angela Carter

56. favorite tradition?

Our family does breakfast in bed for the birthday person

57. the three biggest struggles you’ve overcome?

Self harm, the invasion of my country, getting out of my old life.

58. four talents you’re proud of having?

I improvise well, I remain calm in an emergency, and am often the first to act. I have good emotional skills. I will always find a way, though it often comes at great cost.

59. if you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be?

After someone tells me I can’t do something “HAVE YOU MET ME?!”

60. if you were a character in an anime, what kind of anime would you want it to be?

Probably Shonen. Love me some JoJoBA

61. favorite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/etc.?

Yeah, I stayed. I stayed, because every time you threw a brick at my head, or said I smelled, it *hurt*; but it could never hurt more than every day of my life just being *me*! I *stayed* because I thought, if anyone can change me, can make me... *not* me, it was you! - Kung Fu Panda

62. seven characters you relate to?

Tarzan-Stich-Quisimodo-Ginger (From Chicken run)- Po (Kung fu Panda)- Mulan (Yes really)- Charlie (Perks of being a wallflower)

63. five songs that would play in your club?

Shut up and dance with me- Walk the moon

Suzy- Caravan Palace

Rocket Fuel feat. De La Soul - DJ Shadow

Come with me now - KONGOS

Dance with me tonight - Olly Murs

64. favorite website from your childhood?

Miniclip

65. any permanent scars?

Some on my arms and a large one on my forearm 

66. favorite flower(s)?

I’m a cliche, I love roses

67. good luck charms?

My Celtic ring and my pride pin

68. worst flavor of any food or drink you’ve ever tried?

It was chocolate shrimp in Sanfrancisco. Fad food with an abhorrent mixture.

69. a fun fact that you don’t know how you learned?

Spiders don’t kill every prey that falls into their web. Sometimes they just wrap them up and let them squirm helpessly.

70. left or right handed?

Right, unless eating

71. least favorite pattern?

Uh... not sure

72. worst subject?

Maths

73. favorite weird flavor combo?

Fries and Icecream

74. at what pain level out of ten (1 through 10) do you have to be at before you take an advil or ibuprofen?

8

75. when did you lose your first tooth?

I was 5

76. what’s your favorite potato food (i.e. tater tots, baked potatoes, fries, chips, etc.)?

Baked potatoes, especially with Sour cream and garlic 

77. best plant to grow on a windowsill?

A succulent?

78. coffee from a gas station or sushi from a grocery store?

Sushi from grocery

79. which looks better, your school id photo or your driver’s license photo?

School Id (not by much though)

80. earth tones or jewel tones?

Jewel tones

81. fireflies or lightning bugs?

Fireflies

82. pc or console?

PC

83. writing or drawing?

Writing, though I wish I could draw

84. podcasts or talk radio?

Podcasts

84. barbie or polly pocket?

Neither

85. fairy tales or mythology?

Mythology

86. cookies or cupcakes?

Cookies

87. your greatest fear?

That I had no impact on anything

88. your greatest wish?

To gain the power to change the world

89. who would you put before everyone else?

The one I love. A partner (If we had a child then it falls to them)

90. luckiest mistake?

When I had an accident at work over my selfharm wounds. Some metal staging scraped against my arm.

91. boxes or bags?

Bags

92. lamps, overhead lights, sunlight or fairy lights?

Fairylights

93. nicknames?

Teddy, Monster, Quis

94. favorite season?

Winter

95. favorite app on your phone?

Reddit is fun

96. desktop background?

My current Pfp

97. how many phone numbers do you have memorized?

2 My parents

98. favorite historical era?

Don’t really have a favourite

[thestray]

The 62 2020 Movies Releases I Watched During 2020 Ranked

Like the awkward title says, I’m going to rank (and talk about) all the 2020 movies I watched in 2020. This is not meant as any empirical list of what was best, it’s ranked by what I liked the least to the most, and my main criteria is what kind of impact it had on me and/or how much I enjoyed the experience of watching it.

Little bit about myself, I went to art school for animation, then after art school I went to a community college where I studied screenwriting. Never ended up pursuing either thing professionally, but I still write screenplays in my free time and read screenwriting books and listen to screenwriting podcasts. I'm the type of person that loves special features, seeks out behind the scenes information and director interviews, and watch youtube videos analyzing films. I love film, and thinking about film and talking about film and sharing the films I like, and maybe one day making films of my own, who knows.

Ranking and reviewing 62 movies was a more ambitious and challenging task than I anticipated, I rearranged this list swapping titles back and forth so many times, and then I’d remember a movie I forgot I watched and have to add that and figure out where it ranks. I started this on January 1st and am just now ready to post it on the 17th, I was still switching rankings right up until posting this. Even looking at it now there are some kinda want to switch but I’ve accepted that this is more or less arbitrary, lol. 

The more I learn about film and what goes into creating a movie the more lenient I am about them. It’s not like I’m never critical of films, but I try to consider both the good and the bad of a movie instead of thinking in a binary of films are either amazing or trash. Some of these films aren’t great, but I typically still enjoyed them to some degree. Except Mulan, lol. I’m sorry Mulan. Speaking of Mulan...

62. Mulan

I'm going to try to say something nice about all these movies even if I didn't like them at all. So... I like the cast, and there are some nice visual moments. I actually was looking forward to this movie before reviews started coming out, it has 2 of the martial arts G.O.A.T.s in it, Donnie Yen and Jet Li, and also Jason Lee as the bad guy, so I figured it might at the very least have some decent action, but they were all underutilized. There’s not a single moment in the film where I felt anything at all. I think all these Disney live-action remakes are doing is making a case for how effective animation is for storytelling.

61. Color Out of Space

I heard a lot of good things about this movie, and it’s really cool visually, and I love Nicolas Cage always, but I really couldn’t get into it. I guess my main issue is that it starts off already too campy for any of to the Lovecraftian horror to really hit. It felt like a B-movie with great production value, and maybe that’s what they were going for? I really wanted to like this but I really just did not feel invested in anything going on, did not relate to anyone in the family, so I don’t think I got much out of it besides the cool visuals.

60. Bloodshot

I think the main flaw of this movie is that is that Vin Diesel was a producer on it, and Vin Diesel should be kept away from making creative decisions on movies. How Did This Get Made did a great podcast episode on this movie. It’s absolute nonsense, it has a couple of cool sequences and special effects in it, and Lamorne with a British accent is great, he’s the main redeeming value of this movie.

59. The Midnight Sky

It seems like this movie wants to be Interstellar, it’s structured in a very similar way, but it just didn’t quite have that same emotional punch. It looks very good, it’s well-acted, it has it’s moments.

58. The New Mutants

It's not as much of a trainwreck as people make it out to be in my opinion, I think the cast is good and it has some good character interactions, but it mostly suffers from the fact that it's way too predictable, from the beginning you're way ahead of the characters, and it doesn't help that they're in this confined setting so there's not a lot for them to actually do. But I appreciate the attempt at using mutants to do a horror breakfast club thing, good concept.

57. Vampires vs The Bronx

Vampires as a gentrifiers taking over the hood, great idea. Mero is in it, the brand is brolic. It was a fun set up, but it was neither funny enough or scary enough in my opinion. The vampires die so easily it's like okay whatever. It's like a really long Goosebumps episode.

56. Freaky

I don't think the execution lived up to the great concept, but Vince Vaughan was really great in those sincere moments playing a teenage girl. Horror fans will appreciate the gory kills. I'm not going to spoil anything but I do think there are some narrative issues that keep this from being stronger than it could've been. If you made the killer a creepy janitor at the school or even one of the teachers, then I think that would've created more interesting situations.

55. Eurovision

I love Will Ferrell, I even love some of his flops like Casa De Mi Padre and Kicking and Screaming, and even the House I think had a lot of really funny moments. This was definitely one of the least funny movies he's done to me. I think the director David Dobkin couldn't commit to being silly the way Adam McKay can cause there's a lot of this movie that just has no jokes, and the movie is over 2 hours long which isn't normal for comedies so you spend a lot of time watching unfunny scenes and extended musical numbers.

54. The Wrong Missy

I'm not a big fan of most Happy Madison movies, the jokes are very hit or miss for me. I'm a big fan of Lauren Lapkus though so I watched it to support her, and she plays an absolute psycho in this. It's so over the top it's like this character is not a human being, but I have to admit there are a few moments where she made me laugh pretty loud. I'd never watch this movie again, but maybe I'd look up certain parts on youtube.

53. The Platform

High concept dystopian sci-fi horror. Reminds me of the Cube. It's one of those things that makes you think about what you'd do in the same situation. It's a very on the nose allegory, so by the end of it my only takeaway was "Yeah, it really be like that." 

52. Archenemy

Another high concept movie. Joe Mangienello is good in it, but Glenn Howerton and Paul Scheer are my favorite parts of the movie, it's fun to see comedy actors play bad guys. My main problem with the movie was that I did not find the teen character to be interesting or relatable at all, in fact he can be kind of obnoxious. In his introductory scene he's REALLY bothering this random guy minding his own business, not respecting his boundaries at all. Then the rest of the movie is about him exploiting a homeless man and being really pushy for likes on some app, and he doesn't really have a character arc. Also wasn't a big fan of the animated sequences but I forgive that knowing this was a low budget movie and those sequences were done by a team of just 3 people. 

51. Power

Jamie Foxx is great. I think he makes almost anything he's in watchable to some degree. The idea of this movie is fun but I think the action sequences are kinda underwhelming, but Jamie makes it worth watching in my opinion.

50. Birds of Prey

This movie was all style and absolutely no substance. When your main character doesn't have a solid purpose or goal you're really just watching shit happen, and that can be okay if the shit that's happening is occassionally fun or funny, but it doesn't really make for a memorable story in my opinion.

49. Wonder Woman 84

The most panned movie of 2020 maybe? It's got flaws for sure and some narrative choices I just can't understand why they made. It has some fun performances though and I ultimately appreciated that our superhero wins not by using her fists but by appealing to goodness. I feel like you rarely see that kind of idealism any more. It may not be realistic but I think that's one of the things fantasy is good for, showing us a way things could be better to strive for. But yeah, the Steve Trevor things was fucking weird, why'd they do that? And neither Steve or Diana seem concerned with about this random guy's fate. I'd probably rate this film higher if they had Steve simply appear out of thin air, I mean why not? It's magic. But I loved Kristen Wig and Pedro Pascal in this. Pedro is performing with his whole body, did he film this after season 1 of the Mandolorian? Maybe being under that helmet for a season made him want to be really expressive. The films overall kinda campy but I didn't necessarily mind that.

48. Peninsula

Sequel to the already classic Train to Busan, this film decides the up the scale, which is what sequels often do, but I think it was a mistake in this instance. This is more of an over the top action movie than a character-driven horror film like the first. There's a climactic Mad Max-esque car chase scene that is almost entirely CGI. I don't think it was a bad movie, it's an okay popcorn flick, but it definitely doesn't live up to the original.

47. The Old Guard

In terms of action I don't think it did anything interesting, but I like how they explored how horrific and heartbreaking it would be to be immortal. Coming to terms with your own mortality is a tough thing to do, but we often don't consider the idea that death is a blessing we take for granted. 

46. Sputnik

A Russian sci-fi thriller about a young doctor being tasked with trying to figure out how to separate an alien parasite from a Cosmonaut that's returned from earth. Good performances, creepy vibe, and lots of interesting questions about ethics. It has a sort of epilogue ending with a reveal I didn't quite understand the significance to the story, but didn't take away from either. Solid.

45. The Invisible Man

Fun sci-fi thriller about toxic abusive relationships and gaslighting. Elizabeth Moss is great in it and my favorite sequences are before her character actually catches on and you have moments where the camera is just focusing on a random place, very creepy and effective.

44. Sonic the Hedgehog

Personally I would've preferred a fully animated film taking place in Sonic's world. I don't know why they always feel like they need to make these movies about human characters and then spend a lot of time having to hide your CG character and having people do comical reactions to them. It feels very played out to me. BUT Jim Carrey is great in this, of course. Jim Carrey is the reason to watch this movie. He makes the movie. And it goes without saying thank God they changed that character design.

43. 2067

What I liked about this dystopian future is that the cause was basically everything. War, famine, ruining the environment, pandemics, just all our collective fuckery has resulted in a world where the human race is on the verge of extinction, plants are extinct, and oxygen is synthetic. Enter time travel, a young man is tasked with traveling into the future to bring back the solution to saving the human race. Very timely obviously. I liked it.

42. Monsters of Man

Some asshole tech bros let some killer robots loose on a remote southeast asian village as a trial run. It has lots of flaws but I give it some leeway because this is the first film of a guy who wrote, directed and was the cinematographer by himself, he didn't have a huge budget or much experience, so it's hard to expect perfection. My biggest criticism is that the film centers a white guy living in this village and some westerner medics, not the actual Asian people of the village. Could've been so much more of interesting commentary about racism and eurocentrism dropping these robots in a village of brown people no one will miss just for practice. That aside though I think it was a solid enough thriller and the robots looked pretty good.

41. Family Romance LLC

An interesting movie about a Japanese entrepreneur who has a business where he'll play whatever role in your life you need. Father, husband, coworker, etc there's a scene where someone even pays him to be scolded in his place by his boss. The main thrust of the film though is him playing the role of a girl's absentee father, pretends to reconnect with her and take her out on the town for activities. It's shot very documentary style, and there are a mixture of first time actors and non-actors. Sometimes there are long awkward conversations that feel just as awkward as real life. I really liked the premise, and the only thing that keeps it from being higher on my list is it doesn't have a strong enough conflict nor does it really have a satisfying conclusion.

40. Over the Moon

Directorial debut of animation legend Glen Keane, I really liked this visually. It was sufficiently enjoyable, but it doesn't have that emotional gut punch that Pixar or Disney films tend to have. But I guess cartoons don't NEED to make you bawl your eyes out to be good. I think there were some missed opportunities narratively, like I guess this is spoilery so just scroll ahead if you don't want to know, but she gains a step brother that she doesn't like and doesn't want to spend time with, once the adventure starts on the Moon they get separated very early on, and don't ge reunited until towards the end, but she somehow now cares about him and considers him her brother. I didn't feel like that was really earned, they should've been together throughout the adventure getting to know each other. But I otherwise liked the story aside from that nitpick. Loved the colors of this movie, almost everything in the moon world is luminescent which provides some nice visuals. Hope to see Glen direct more in the future.

39. The Croods 2

Nothing revolutionary but it has some solid physical comedy and great voice acting. All of Nicolas Cage's overacting is perfect for animation, and I liked Peter Dinklage as Mr. Betterman as well. There's a lot going on thematically but it all works pretty cohesively.

38. #ALIVE

Another Korean zombie thriller. I really liked this because I felt like as far as zombie outbreaks go this is the most realistic scenario. Once you realize what's going on you will just stay in your house rather than risk going outside and fighting zombies. But that poses the problem of a limited supply of food and water. The main thrust of the movie is not how this character survives though it's about him trying to retain his will to live. It's the perfect pandemic isolation allegory.

37. Love and Monsters

It looked kinda corny but I actually enjoyed this more than I thought I would. I like Dylan O'Brien, I love Tom Holland as Peter Parker but I've always felt like Dylan O'Brien would've been a great choice too, he has a good everyman relatable quality. There's also a dog in the movie that I loved. Put a dog in peril in a movie and I will be on the edge of my seat guaranteed. It's a fun movie with some interesting creatures in it and a solid character arc for our main protagonist.

36. Extraction

I love the trend of stunt coordinators directing films. That's the main reason why the John Wick series is so good, and the reason why this also has some very solid action. Nothing crazy here in terms of story or themes, everything is an excuse for Chris Hemsworth to fuck people up and it delivers on that. There's one scene where he slaps around some kids attacking him that I found hilarious as well. Fully welcoming an Extraction 2.

35. Save Yourselves

A couple decides to take a break from social media and get away to a cabin outside the city. While they're disconnected from the world an alien invasion occurs, furry little basketball sized poofs. This movie was pretty funny. I'm a little ambivalent about the ending but I enjoyed these hipsters arguing about what to do about aliens.

34. Bill and Ted Face the Music

A most bodacious movie. Fun gags and a robot that steals the show. It's not as good as the first 2 but I don't think that's any surprise. I think it borrows a little bit too much from the previous films, like the collecting legendary musicians thing, could've done without that. It was a fun movie though, and the daughters really worked.

33. An American Pickle

Seth Rogen playing an orthodox Jew who's been preserved in pickle juice for 100 years and his modern day app developer grandson. I think this may be Seth Rogen's best acting role, as silly as this movie is he's kind of endearing as this character from 100 years aro, and as the grandson he's a lot more understated than he usually is in movies.

32. Tenet

Tenet! Is it controversial that this is not higher up on the list? I really like Nolan's films, actually been a fan since watching his first film Following in a film class. Nolan likes playing with time in his movies so it was inevitable that he'd do something that addresses it very directly eventually. I love the time travel genre and I think this is one of the most ambitious and unique approaches to it to ever done. I actually braved theaters to see this because I did not want to miss the opportunity to see it on the big screen. I did it as safely as possible and booked a reserved seating theater where I knew I wouldn't be sitting by anyone, had a mask, gloves, antibacterial gell on deck, sanitized my seat with wipes, etc, there only 2 other people in the theater all of us sitting way for from each other. Weirdest moviegoing experience I've ever had but glad I saw it on the big screen because the visual spectacle of this is excellent. The reason it's not higher on the list is because as conceptually cool as it is as I did not feel invested. Just on a story level having a character we know very little about pursuing a goal he knows very little about for no clearly defined reason makes it feel like... we're just watching events unfold as opposed to watching a character-driven story. There's a moment at the end that you can tell was meant to be an emotional moment, but I felt nothing. They try to introduce some emotional stakes with the female character, but idk, since it wasn't tied to the inciting incident it felt more like a b-plot than fundamental to the story. So it was a really fun cool looking puzzle, more like watching a cool Rube Goldberg machine, but not something I really thought much about after it was over.

31. Guns Akimbo

I really have been enjoying Daniel Radcliffe's post-Harry Potter career, he'll do some solid dramas he seems to prefer doing fun weird shit like Swiss Army Man, Horns, his role on Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, etc. This is in that vein of fun weird shit, a guy who gets guns bolted to his hands and is running around the city in a robe trying to survive essentially a real life video game. A lot of the movies lower on this list had fun concepts but were lacking in execution, but this is one that is just as fun as the idea sounds, even more fun actually, it's funny, the action is good, and there are some great visuals. I found it all around enjoyable.

30. Let Them All Talk

Glen Close as a celebrated author who invites her nephew and 2 estranged best friends on a cruise with her.  It's a very light-hearted movie with some underlying conflicts that the characters are afraid to address head on. Glen Close is great, obviously, she plays this pretentious self-important woman with affectations but is still likable and warm. It's a fairly pleasant almost slice-of-life until the 3rd act where everything comes together. To me it was a movie about communication, saying what you mean, saying what you feel, and those unspoken assumptions of what those around you are thinking or feeling about you. I know I can relate to the idea of wanting an apology from someone who might not even be cognizant of the fact that you feel slighted by them, or vice versa finding out someone's had a long standing problem with you when you thought you were cool. One sided grudges do no one any good.

29. True History of the Kelly Gang

I've heard of Ned Kelly, but I've never seen the Heath Ledge or Mick Jagger movies about him and I don't know much about him other than he's a famous Australian outlaw and something of a folk hero to some. The performances and cinematography if this are great. George MacKay from 1917 is the lead and he's amazing, sometimes vulnerable and soft, other times a madman. It spends a lot of time in his childhood and the child actor who plays Ned is great as well. It's gritty and sometimes surreal in it's imagery. From what I can gather previous films seemed to focus more on what happened with him and his gang, while this movie seems to focuses more on everything in his life that led up to him becoming who he is and forming that gang. Like a 3rd of the movie is spent in his childhood, and once the gang is actually formed things move at a pretty brisk pace, seemingly skimming over the exploits of the gang to the conclusion. The film feels very raw and gritty and very fuck the police which I always appreciate.

28. Lucky Grandma

A stubborn grandma in New York's chinatown gets her fortunte read and is told that she's going to be very lucky and come into a fortune, she then comes into possession of a bunch of money that belongs to a gang and she decides to try to keep it feeling it's owed to her by the universe. A funny crime drama with the unlikeliest of protagonists.

27. Da 5 Bloods

Spike Lee is an icon but he can honestly be a little hit or miss for me. I don't always enjoy every choice he makes, for instance he uses real footage of war attrocities in this, and it's really upsetting to see REAL people, including children, be killed, when you're not expecting that. I understand it's meant to be upsetting, but it does make the movie something I'll probably never rewatch. Spike Lee's films to me can also feel at times heightened to the point that it feels a little cheesy (Miracle At St Anna), and there moments in this that kinda took me out of it to be honest, but overall I enjoyed it. The performances were great, Delroy Lindo in my opinion is one of the most underrated actors of all time, he's just always good no matter what he's in, everyone else in it is good too, but of course I have to mention Chadwick Boseman who was great. At the end of the day it gave me a lot to think about in terms or race, war, America, forgiveness, trauma and so many other things.

26. The Devil All The Time

There's a LOT going on in this movie, maybe a little too much, it's like 2 or 3 movies smashed into one, but... I really liked it, and that's probably because Tom Holland is so good in it.  Really liked Robert Pattinson in it too. I can’t really think of more to say about it say I won’t. Next movie.

25. Bad Education

A true crime movie about school district officiala who stole from the budget of a highschool. Hugh Jackman is great in this. I loved Jackman as Wolverine, but now that he's done with that I'm excited to see him other stuff cause he's always interesting to watch; The Fountain, Prisoners, The Prestige, he's always solid. I enjoyed this, it was done with nuance, it doesn't let them off the hook for what they did but it doesn't paint them as absolute monsters either. I really have to ask myself, if I could get away with stealing money that no one would miss... I don't know, I think I'd not do it out of fear not altruism, lol.

24. My Octopus Teacher

This is a documentary on Netflix about a diver who immerses himself in the world of underwater life and documents the life of an octopus. It's really beautiful, both in terms of visuals and in content. There's not a lot to talk about because it's fairly straightforward, but it was really fascinating to learn about this octopus and see the bond they mutually formed, and again I can't talk about how great this movie looks, it's like you're in a different world. This is something I could put in and mute while I draw just for the ambiance. 

23. Kajillionaire

A quirky dramedy about a family of really obtuse poor scam artists. As absurd as their behaviour is I can totally imagine a trio of weirdos like this living in Los Angeles ( I can say that cause it's my hometown and where I lived most of my life. It's Evan Rachel Wood's best role, I never would've imagined her doing something like this but she's great as "Old Dolio". It's funny, at time sad but not in a hammy melodramatic way, and I feel it had the perfect ending.

22. The Gentleman

Guy Ritchie doing what he does best. It's fun, stylish, witty, has layers and twists and reveals. Everybody's good in it. It doesn't have anything poignant to say, but it's fun to watch the entire time

21. Run

A thriller about a wheelchair bound teen who suspects her mother is drugging her and tries to get to the bottom of it. You can tell this director is a Hitchcock fan because it definitely has that Rear Window vibe but takes it a step further, and in many ways it's even shot and paced like Hitchcock. The lead actress is actually wheelchair bound herself so it really adds to the realism of all the things she does in this film. Oh, and Sarah Paulson is the mom, when is Sarah Paulson ever not good?

20. Horse Girl

Alison Brie is an awkward neurotic woman getting over recent grief and a history of mental illness in her family, she starts to have weird dreams and then notices people from her dreams in real life, starts blacking out and having gaps in time, and starts to believe it's due to alien abduction conspiracy. Is she losing her mind or is it really happening? Alison Brie is really really good in this, and she co-wrote it too, it has a lot of moments where you really feel sorry for her or scared for her and you start to question what's real yourself.

19. Swallow

I  found this movie really fascinating, it's like what if you turned one of those My Strange Addiction episodes on TLC into a movie. It's about this woman who ostensibly, at least from appearances, has the perfect life (at least by societal standards), she came from nothing and is now housewife to a rich successful man, and behaves almost like a Stepford wife. Then develops a compulsion to swallow inedible things, like marbles and batteries and thumbtacks, which is a real condition called pica. Its the kind of movie that gives you a lot to think about but no easy answers.

18. Time to Hunt

A Korean heist thriller set in the near future. A bunch of childhood friends rob the wrong person and have an Anton Chigurh-esque killer sent after them to retrieve the money and kill them. It's a really tense cat and mouse thriller with good performances. The ending seemed to turn a lot of people off based on a lot of youtube comments I read, but I didn't mind it. My only real gripe is that they set this in the near future but aside from some imagery in the beginning it doesn't seem to come into play that much, this all could've taken place in modern day or even the past with no alteration of the story. I think the future setting was more just for some social commentary that maybe went over my head a little bit because I'm not from Korea, but I think if they were going to do near future they could've added some futuristic weapons or something. But that's just nitpicking, while the future setting didn't add to the story much it didn't take away from it either.

17. Tigertail

As I get older one of my worse fears is making decisions that I will regret for the rest of my life, so this movie really hit home as a cautionary tale. It's a kind of quietly devastating movie. There's no huge tragic horrific even, just a huge miscalculation. Decades of your life of work and unhappiness go by and all you can do is wonder what things could've been. I also especially appreciated the cinematography and music of this film.

16. Mother

It's been a while since I hated a character this much, but this titular mother really pissed me off. She's a neglectful mother who only sees her son as a tool, but he sticks by her cause he loves her. It's definitely not a fun movie to watch, but it made me feel a lot and meditate on the idea of love and whether it in itself has innate value.

15. Call

I went into this movie cold, having no idea what it was really about other than that it was a thriller that revolved around a woman getting mysterious calls. I'm glad I had seen no trailers and did not know the gist of the plot becuase it went places I really was not expecting. One of the most fun thrillers I've seen in a while. So, I'm not going to talk about the movie but what I will say is that Jeon Jong-seo, who played the woman in Burning is in this, she was great in Burning and she's great in this. After watching it I googled her to see what else she's been in that I can watch and this is only her 2nd film. Apparently Burning was her first audition EVER and she BOOKED IT! Like, one a million success story right? But she deserves it cause she's great and I look forward to seeing what else she does.

14. Possessor

This was directed by Brandon Cronenberg, the son of David Cronenberg, big shoes to fill, and I think he's going to fill them fine cause this is already a cult classic in my opinion. The visuals in this, which look like they were mainly created with practical and in camera effects. There is some very graphic very realistic violence in this. The movie is about an assassin who works for an organization and uses some type of scientific process to "possess" people to carry out hits. When she's in a body for too long who's in control starts to blur. It's really fucking trippy, like a fucked up Black Mirror episode.

13. Borat 2

Been a fan of Sacha since the old Da Ali G Show days when Borat was just a side character. I'm amazed with out Sacha can stay in character the way he does, especially when later on in the movie he shelters in place with some Qanon conservatives with who knows how long staying in character. Maybe they'll reveal they were paid actors who knows, but whatever I fucking laughed a lot at this movie. There's a black woman in this movie that I hope to god was not an actress cause I loved her and her reactions so much. It was a breath of fresh air to watch something that's just goofy in 2020 because it wasn't a good year for comedy. As much as I love film sometimes I got a little fatigue from watching so many things with very heavy themes, this also had heavy themes it was satirizing, but also chimp pornstar jokes, so..  a fun time.

12. A Sun

A drama about a family's eldest son going to juvenile detention for his involvement in a violent crime. We see how his father, his mother, his brother and his pregnant girlfriend all deal with this. I found it very engaging. My only gripe is that there are some moments of levity where they use this really generic comedy music score it and it really takes you out of the film. No music at all is better than bad generic music. Other than that I really loved it and the ending is great. I really thought this would end up in my top 10 but the following films just had more personal relevance or were more fun to watch.

11. Ma Rainey's Black Bottom

R.I.P. Chadwick Boseman, this movie is like an acting showcase for him, he has so many great monologues here, the ending really took the wind out of me. It's also packed with really still relevant commentary on race.

10. Onward

You already expect a Pixar movie to make you cry, but this came from angle I was NOT expecting and I bawled hard at this. This movie was so applicable to my life experience it's like they specifically engineered it to make me personally cry. Honestly there are better movies lower on this list, but movies are just like any other art, when a song touches you on a personal level it doesn't need to have complex instrumentation cause it's how it made you feel that matters.

09. Palm Springs

A comedy released during a pandemic about trying to find stimulation and meaning when every day is the same thing? Ya don't say! Another take on Groundhog Day, which at this point I feel like it's its on genre with the amount of times the concept has been done, but I'm not complaining, I typically enjoy a good time loop movie (or show; Russian Doll). I don't know what else to say besides that it's really funny and Andy Samberg and Cristin Milioti are both charming and great in it.

08. Scare Me

This movie was funny, creepy, the performances were great, and it's just really unique and clever. Written, directed, produced, and starring Josh Ruben, who I know primarily does really idiosyncratic "impressions" on instagram. It's 2 people alone in a cabin telling each other scary stories, they don't cut away to the stories you just watch them act it out. 4 people in the cast, one location, and it still manages to be a fun ride of a movie and manages to touch on some good themes in the overall story. I really hope to see Josh Ruben direct more films because I think he's really creative.

07. Ride Your Wave

A romantic comedy about a woman trying to find joy and purpose in her life. I often go into movies very cold, so I didn't know much about what this movie was about, just knew that it was from an animation studio and director that I really respected. It's very beautiful, very grounded, until it's not. Kind of movie that breaks your heart so it can uplift you later.

06. Uncle Frank

I really did not expect a lot from movie, not that I thought it would be bad, I just thought it be your middle of the road movie. It's about a teenage girl who really looks up to her uncle who she learns is a closeted gay man, in an era where that was potentially dangerous to be. They go on a road trip home when his father dies and learn about each other and themselves, it sounds kinda cookie cutter, but it really surprised me. Paul Bettany is so very good in this, and it made me cry. Easy way to get on high on this list is to make me cry lol.

05. Children of the Sea

This film had to be in my top 5 because I'm an animation nerd and this is one of the most beautiful animated films ever. Ever. It's right up there with Akira and the Ghibli catalogue, and the works of Satoshi Kon, and all the Disney movies and everything else. It focuses on details and nuances in a really gorgeous way. The story is VERY ambiguous and gets very metaphysical towards the end, the climax is like watching an acid trip. It's about a girl who meet 2 young boys who have adapted to living underwater, and they form a bond, and then... uh... there's no way I can concisely explain it. The creator has said it's not supposed to be understood logical, instead it's supposed to be felt. There's a lot of symbolism and metaphor, it's very philosophical and explores themes of connection and the cycle of life. It's produced by Studio 4°C, which is my favorite animation studio because they really push the envelope, they're responsible for Mind Game, Tekkonkinkreet, and the recent Mutafukaz, and other, if you've never heard of any of those definitely look them up, they're unlike any anime you've ever watched before. Anyway, beautiful movie and the cryptic plot allows for you to rewatch it multiple times and take different things away from it. I can't wait to own it on blu-ray.

04. 37 Seconds

I saw this very early in the year and love it. It's about a young woman with cerebal palsy who is also an aspiring hentai artist trying to get laid. Her mother who takes care of her like a child smothers her, so it's not only about trying to get laid but trying to have some independence. Firstly the performance of this woman who actually does have cerebral palsy and is a first time actor is so natural and endearing, secondly there are things they portray with an uncomfortable amount of realism and awkwardness that it really draws you in to the nitty gritty of her reality and what it can be like for someone who is wheelchair bound to try to have sexual experiences. I like that there were 2 films this year about characters in wheelchairs that used unknown actresses that face the same things their characters do, it adds to the authenticity of either film. Films like this are why I think diversity in film is not just about doing something for the demographic you're depicting but also giving everyone else not of that demographic new unique stories and perspectives.

03. Soul

I guess spoilers if you haven't seen this because it's easier to talk about why I liked it if I talk specifically about the plot. I wasn't expecting much from this when the initial trailer dropped, it made it seem like it was going to largely take place in this imaginary soul place with these blue things, and for most of the first act it seemed like that's what it was going to be, but when they come back to earth and the story really starts I really started enjoying it. This movie tricks you into thinking the film is about finding or fulfilling your purpose, only to throw a curveball that living life in and of itself is the "purpose", and this movie resonated so much with thoughts that were already on my mind. I relate so much to Joe as a creative person myself with so many unfulfilled dreams, at 36yrs old, having to put many of my goals on the backburner just to survive, and generally having that feeling that I'm still waiting to live life because I'm not fulfilling my "purpose". Sure reaching for goals is great, but I think our culture breeds this idea that happiness is a destination, an accomplishment, a certain amount of recognition, a monetization of your passion. I really loved how the film depicted that there's a dark side to focusing on your passions and how it can become a source of stress and unhappiness. This movie is just about savoring life itself, which people have been expressing through platitudes since forever but this film illustrated it in a way that words fail at, and that's what makes film such a great form of art.

02. Sound of Metal

This movie had one of the best trailers of 2020, I couldn't wait to watch this movie. FIrst of all I love RIz Ahmed and think he's an underrated and underutilized actor, he's fucking amazing in this, he needs an Oscar nom FOR SURE. His frustration is so palpable and he feels so natural in this movie. It follows a metal punk drummer who loses his hearing and goes to stay in a deaf community to acclimate. One thing I think is absolutely brilliant about this movie is the sound design. I'm not deaf so I can't speak from any type of experience, but they try to replicate what going deaf sounds like, what the audiologist tests sound like, what hearing aids and cochlear implants sound like, it's very immersive. I almost think of it like a companion piece to Soul, cause I had almost the same take away, it's just coming from it at a different angle.

01. I'm Thinking Of Ending Things

Okay, so I’m going to have a lot to say about this movie.

Maybe a very controversial pick for my number one because so many people absolutely hated this movie, lol. I am biased given that I'm a huge fan of Charlie Kaufman, he's my favorite screenwriter, and his films have only gotten weirder and weirder, so I know to expect the unexpected when going into one of his films. I can understand how this would be an offputting experience if you're expecting the conventions of normal narrative structure. It was surprising and perplexing to me how this film unfolded but I've watched non-narrative and experimental films before so I was intrigued rather than frustrated. You think it's about a woman who is thinking of breaking up with her boyfriend as they head to meet his parents. Once we get to his childhood home things start getting surreal, and that surrealism just escalates to the point where you realize this film is not at all attempting to depict reality and doesn't even have any continuity. This is the most a movie has ever felt like one of my dreams. I don't know how other people dream but this was so much like every weird nightmare I've ever had where I feel trapped in a situation. 

There's a scene where the family is talking about art, the dad says he hates abstract art because it takes no skill, he prefers paintings that look like photographs because that takes real skill, the son asks why make a painting look like a photograph when you can just take a photograph, the woman states she paints pictures of landscapes and tries to imbue them with a sense of interiority, capturing the way she feels, the dad asks how can a landscape be sad if you don't have a person in it looking sad. I felt like this was a bit of meta commentary on the film itself. After I watched this movies I had my own theories, I watched some analysis videos on youtube that confirmed a lot of my ideas and gave me insight on other parts of the film, I watched the film again and formulated more ideas, it's so dense with things to project meaning onto and interpret it. I went on instagram and ended up having lengthy discussions about what the film meant both with people who loved it and hated it. Everybody I spoke with had slightly different interpretations and takeaways. One woman who initially did not like it came away with an appreciation for it after we had a lengthy discussion about it's meaning. 

All of this is why it's my favorite film of the year, not only did I relate to it on a personal level because I'm in a stage of my life where I'm approaching middle ages and afraid I'm going to end up like the guy in this film, but I can't remember the last time a film led to such meaningful conversation about life, death, love, mental health, loneliness, trauma, etc. So like the scene where they're talking about art, I think this movie is neither intended to be abstract or realistic, it's supposed to be imbued with a sense of interiority. I know I sound way pretentious right now, but I just really appreciated Charlie Kaufman for making something unabashedly expressionist and serving it up to mainstream audiences. I really feel like I grow as a person and an artist every time I watch one of his films.

------------------------------------------------

So there ya go. That’s it. That concludes this arbitrary exercise in ranking the movies i saw last year, thank you for wasting your time on this, lol. I think it was a very good year for movies. 

If there was a movie you were expecting to see on the list and it’s missing I just didn’t get to it in 2020, I may do an unranked follow up list of 2020 movies I missed in 2020, maybe.

That’s it.

End of post.

Bye.

[missmentelle]

This might sound very silly but I just don't know how to be more proactive. I've been very passive all this years until this point where I feel like I can't anymore. I wish I could be more hardworking for the things I want but I get all overwhelmed and don't even know how other people have the energy or the motivation. People think Im just lazy. I don't have almost any skills let alone any that I can monetize, I feel like Im going to be a looser forever.

I think this is a problem that a lot of people - especially younger people - are struggling with right now. We want to achieve great things, and we feel like we should be achieving great things, but many of us are so paralyzed by doubt/anxiety/apathy/uncertainty that we have a hard time mustering up the motivation to run basic errands, let alone chase our dreams. I’ve certainly spent more than my fair share of time beating myself up for the countless days that I’ve fucked around on Reddit all day instead of actually achieving anything, even when I was fully aware that I was sabotaging my own dreams and goals by doing so. I just couldn’t always muster up the ability to care about the things I needed to be doing, even if there were dire consequences for not doing them. The good news is, there are definitely ways to overcome this issue, and reach a point where you are happier with your progress and your life. To get started, I recommend:

Decide what it is you actually want. Telling yourself to “be more proactive”, “work harder” or “have a better life” is not helpful if you don’t actually have specific goals that you’re working towards. It is very, very easy to find ways to be “busy” for 8 hours per day - but being busy doesn’t necessarily mean progress. Take some time, and think about some rough goals that you’d like to actually work towards. Don’t worry about how much work or effort it would be to achieve those goals, just start thinking about what you want in life, and what’s the most important to you. Think about the kind of life that you would like to have someday, and start figuring out the steps you need to take in order to get yourself from your current life to the life that you envision. It’s okay if those things are very far apart - the point is not for you to get overwhelmed, but for you to have something to be proactive about. 

Start slowly. You cannot go from “spending 8 hours per day mindlessly browsing the internet amidst a pile of old take-out containers” to “running 5 miles every morning before making art for 8 hours in a spotless apartment with a fridge full of vegetables” overnight. Trying to change your routine too drastically and too quickly will lead to you burning out in a couple of days and going right back to your old ways, with an added dose of self-hatred because you tried and failed. Trying to be more productive and more functional is a process, and a long one at that. It’s not at all unusual or abnormal to take several years of work before you get your life to where you want it to be. Start slow. Start with incredibly tiny changes, and slowly build up those changes over time. If you currently live on a diet of fast food and candy, and you want to be a shredded, clean-eating fitness guru, you can’t rush into that all at once. Start by swapping out full-sugar pop for diet pop for the first month, and trying to drink more water. That’s it. Don’t make any other changes. Then the second month, switch out diet pop for flavored water. And so on. Change only sticks when it’s gradual. 

Focus on one thing at a time. Again, trying to do too much, too soon is a recipe for fast burnout and self-hatred. Start by trying to change one area of your life, and one area of your life alone. Once you feel like you have a pretty solid handle on that part of your life and you have established some new habits, then you can add on a second area of focus. Spend some time, and really think about which area of your life is the most important for you to change, and which area of focus will improve your life the most. If it helps, envision your problems as rocks that you are carrying around in a backpack with you at all times. What’s the heaviest rock in your backpack? If you are overweight, unhappily single, making no progress building your YouTube channel and failing out of college, then your college grades are probably the thing causing you the most stress in your life, and they’re your most urgent concern - focus on that, and give yourself permission to let the rest of it sit on the back burner until you have boosted your GPA. Only then will you be ready to start changing something else. 

Go easy on yourself. I think one of the pitfalls that many young people face these days is that they absolutely crush themselves with unrealistic expectations of what they “should” be doing with their lives; it’s hard to get up the motivation to do anything when you’ve convinced yourself that the bare minimum for success is an impossible ideal. I have friends with master’s degrees who still consider themselves failures that haven’t done anything in life. Remember that you are not a machine. Even at your most successful and high-functional, you will not be perfect and productive 100% of the time. You will still have lazy days where you don’t get much done. You will still occasionally order takeout instead of making a home-cooked meal. You will still occasionally procrastinate. Don’t set yourself up for failure by comparing yourself to an unattainable ideal - just aim to be a slightly better version of what you are right now. 

Get used to tracking, even without making changes. It’s hard to set goals for improvement if you don’t have a solid idea of what you’re actually doing right now. Telling yourself things like “stop being so lazy and do more things” is setting yourself up for a spiral of self-loathing if you don’t actually track what you’re doing, because you won’t be able to see the small, gradual progress that you’re making. Being able to actually see yourself taking baby steps toward your goal is important for keeping you motivated, and keeping you from beating yourself up. Don’t track absolutely everything in your life - that becomes obsessive after a while - but keep an eye on some of the major things that you might want to change in the future. Install apps on your phone and laptop that track how much time you spend doing what. Set up the step tracker on your phone. If you want to eat better in the future, start tracking roughly what you eat now. I’m a pretty avid bullet journaler, I track a lot of my daily habits. Keeping track of the things you do, even if you’re not proud of them, and even before you start to work on them, gives you a baseline to work with, so you can establish how bad the problem is and see when you’re heading in the right direction. 

Forget the obsession with monetizing. A lot of us have gotten this idea in our heads that we need to find ways to monetize everything that we’re even remotely good at, or doing that thing is somehow a waste of our time. I don’t want to generalize about millennials and gen z too much, but I do feel like our generation was raised on the belief that “doing what you love” is the most important thing in life; I personally have many friends that are obsessed with monetizing, to the point that they no longer do anything unless they can find some way to funnel it into advancing their blogger/influencer/creator career. I think this is a mistake. When you monetize something that you love doing, you turn it from a hobby into a job, with all the stress that comes with that, and I think it’s important for everyone to have at least one thing in their life that they do just for the joy of it. It’s okay to let work be work, and play just be play. And I say this as a person who has monetized one of my hobbies; I love true crime and forensic psychology, and I co-host a true crime podcast that has recently had a huge surge of popularity and is on the cusp of being monetized. I could write an entire post about the mental health side of being a creator with a public online presence, but in a nutshell, turning my podcast from a hobby into a business has required me to take it a lot more seriously, and it now falls more into the category of “work” than it does “fun”. My enjoyment of life requires that some of my other hobbies - like playing music - just stay un-monetized hobbies. Let yourself create and do things that don’t have economic value. 

Don’t compare yourself to what you see on social media. I have had both personal friends and followers on this blog tell me that they feel bad about themselves because their life doesn’t measure up to what they see on Instagram, or because they feel that their own lives would not be worthy of posting online. This is a toxic mindset to get into. The things you see on social media are not reality, no matter how much they appear to be - people put incredible amounts of effort into carefully cultivating an online persona that makes them look more productive and accomplished than they actually are. I have a brother who who is a somewhat successful Instagram “influencer”, alongside his more successful girlfriend, and I could write an entire post about the lengths they go to to fake having perfect lives on Instagram, and the toll that their Insta careers are having on their mental health. If you are looking to be a more productive version of yourself, it’s best to steer clear of “motivation” from people who are paid to pretend to be successful online. 

Set measurable, achievable goals. Goals like “be healthier” and “do more stuff” won’t get you anywhere - they are so vague that it’s not possible to tell when you’ve actually achieved them, or how much progress you’ve made. If you want to be more productive and feel like you’re getting more done, you need to set goals that can actually be worked towards and checked off when they are done. Instead of “go to the gym more”, aim for “go to the gym 5 days per week” as your end goal, and start with a solid couple of months with “go to the gym at least once per week”, and slowly increase from there. If you’re aiming for something big like “have an awesome job”, break that down into medium-sized goals like “finish an undergrad degree”, and then break that goal down even further into “hand in all my assignments on time this semester”, and break that down further into “write the first 10 pages of my paper by the end of the week”. Set tiny goals for yourself that you can easily achieve, and that will gradually accumulate into big accomplishments. 

Remember that slow progress is better than no progress. If you write one sentence per day, it is going to take you a really long time to write a novel. It will take you a whole lot less time, however, than if you get overwhelmed at the thought of writing a novel and never write at all. Sometimes you need to break goals down into steps so small that they also seem not worth doing. It can feel a little silly to congratulate yourself for things like “brushed my teeth today” and “texted someone back today”, but those are little habits that add up into bigger things, and giving yourself that positive reinforcement is important. “Greatness” and “success” are not things you achieve all at once, they are made up of tiny habits that you’ve been working on for months or years at a time. 

Take care of your mental health. Not feeling the motivation to do anything, even things that you enjoy, can be a symptom of depression. Everyone beats themselves up from time to time for not being more productive, but if your brain is constantly on a feedback loop of “I’m human garbage and I’m wasting my life”, that’s a pretty serious problem, and a solid sign that it’s time to seek out some professional help. Trying to make major life improvements without addressing underlying mental health concerns is kind of like trying to drive a car without wheels - you’re just not going to get anywhere until you’ve dealt with the obvious problem. 

Remember that setbacks are okay. Even the most highly proactive and high-functioning people have days where they say “fuck it” and order takeout to eat in front of the TV. Everyone occasionally misses deadlines or leaves things to the last minute when they shouldn’t. Everyone shows up late occasionally. These things happen - we are humans, and none of us are perfect. The key to long-term proactivity and productivity, though, is not to let those small setbacks define you, and not to throw away all the progress you’ve made over a bad day or a bad week. Eating healthy six days per week will put you in a much better position than deciding “fuck it, I blew it” after one bad meal and returning to eating unhealthy meals 7 days per week. As the saying goes, don’t let perfect be the enemy of good - in other words, perfection is not attainable, and getting hung up on being perfect will prevent you from achieving many things that are good. The idea is not to be perfect; it’s just to keep striving to be a slightly better version of yourself. 

Best of luck to you!

[loulougoingsolo]

Ignore the Rot

I’m quite particular when it comes to snacks. If I find a good snack, I tend to buy it again and again. I don’t buy snacks very often, so when I do, I want to be sure that my choice doesn’t disappoint me. Over the years, my desire to stick to what I like has led to problems, whenever a favourite snack has been discontinued - or (this is even worse) when for some reason unknown to me, the manufacturer has decided to change the recipe.

On today’s  (ok, yesterday’s since I’m a little late) GMM, Rhett and Link try discontinued snacks in order to determine whether they should be brought back or not. And, because this is GMM, and these items have been discontinued, the snacks are also more or less expired - but let’s not have that affect the decisions, right?

The first discontinued snack is Cheetos Sweetos, which for me sounds good - can you really go wrong with sugar and cinnamon? And if you can both eat the snack and use it to propose to someone, isn’t that pretty perfect? (Oh, and FYI, you can wear your engagement ring on the right hand, too, Rhett.)

So, it’s a no for the Sweetos from Rhett and Link, even with their versatile uses as jewellery and snacks. I personally think the spotted tiger looks cute, but ok, I’ll consume my cinnamon treats in some other form.

I’ve never heard of Pitch Black Mountain Dew 1 or 2, but if anything has a branding issue, it’s this product. Not only is that drink a very suspicious shade of toxic green (I really hope it was never black), but also, the name taints the legacy of one of my favourite sci-fi movies, Pitch Black. That’s what you should watch instead of any Daddy’s Home movies. 

I wouldn’t trust Rhett when he says hard stuff can’t rot. I bet it can. And there are hard chocolate things you can suck other than Tootsie rolls, and I think I captured the moment when Rhett realized that himself (and based on the slightly disappointed expression on Link’s face, he realized it too). Moving on.

I can only eat popcorn if it’s hot and fresh. I don’t particularly like it, but hot popcorn is hard to resist. I’ve never been able to understand why anyone would buy popcorn already popped, in a bag, like this Israeli Bart Simpson one. I think popcorn goes stale in an hour, and in my books, there is no way anything as old as these popcorns can be edible.

I can’t say I’ve ever eaten snacks that are quite as old as the ones Rhett and Link try, and I’ve therefore never experienced the smell they talk about (and I hope I never need to). I tend to think that if my food has a smell that gives me an instant headache, I should probably eat something else. I took a class in microbiology years ago when I was supposed to become a scientist, and I can come up with quite a few things that could produce a nasty smell in expired food, let’s just say, none of the options that come to mind are good. I’m not saying I’d rather eat my shorts (like Link) or anyone else’s, but if you have to eat ancient popcorn, at least buy the non-popped kind, and kill whatever is growing in it by popping it in the present time.

Okay, those nuts have definately gone bad. Also, not to be an ageist, but 72 year old nuts of any kind do not sound appetizing. I do love the fact that Rhett instantly starts to talk about Grindr for old people. I know very little about dating apps, but I think old straight people must date, too - so why was the first thing that came to his mind, Grindr? (Also, this reminded me of the amazing series of Old gays on YT, especially the episode where they try Grindr. The old lesbians series is awesome, too!) And the way Link refused to understand what Rhett was talking about made me giggle. Woodchipper, yeah, right.

The GMMore was a Mythical Society voted SMore, and this time, the winning vote went to Rhett and Link reading each other love letters, and while they do that, they also prepare a discontinued box of Sponge-Bob mac’n’cheese. All of this after Rhett makes Link stare at him with blank eyes and a smile on his face by rubbing his chest.

In theory, reading love letters is a brilliant concept (and the one I voted for), but at least for the first two letters, the performances were a little lackluster. As famous as William Shakespeare is for writing all these amazing love stories, I have to say, it takes a pretty accomplished actor to make his verses sound romantic by modern day standards. Rhett and Link are not shakespearean actors, and they didn’t quite reach the emotional level required to deliver these verses, which are, in fact, pretty amazing.

Link taggles the sonnet 147, in which he basically tells Rhett he is madly, insanely in love with him. He can’t be cured of his desperate love, despite now knowing that Rhett is dark as night. Not the happiest of love, this one.

Rhett, in his turn, reads my favourite sonnet (of the ones I’ve heard / read, I am not an expert in Shakespeare by any means). Sonnet 18 is absolutely beautiful, and basically compare the loved one (in this case Link) to a summer day. Instead of saying that Link is as lovely as a summer day (which can be pretty lovely), Rhett says Link is more lovely. A summer day can be too short or too hot, and sometimes, due to weather, not as bright and beautiful as it could be, Link is eternal summer, whose beauty never fades. As long as they shall live, his love will last. That is honestly, the most beautiful thing you could say to someone you love. Rhett’s interpretation with rough sex, hanging buds, and manscaping is hilarious, though. Please, do make a series of Rhett and Link trying to understand Shakespeare. What is ow’st? made me laugh out loud (and it’s own nowadays, btw).

Stir the pasta is not an euphemism to anything, but I’m pretty sure Link’s response, “I like a good wooden spoon”, is.

The second love poems are much easier to understand, and whoever wrote them, did an excellent job. Link’s poem to Rhett was sweet, romantic and cute, without being in anyway over the top.

I googled the song Rhett mentions when he starts to read his poem to Link, and it didn’t quite have the same message as the letter. I think Rhett’s cheeks almost turned pink while he was reading, and with all the silly rhymes, this was very much like the poems people sent each other back when I was a kid. If this is what we get on a regular Monday, imagine what Valentine’s day will bring!

But how friggin’ awesome is it that after reading these, Rhett’s conclusion is that yes, he has a wife, but she understands - to which Link responds with “We all have our roles to fill”. What makes me smile about all of this is not that I actually believe these two are romantically involved in real life, but the fact that they are comfortable enough in their current lives to joke about how close they are without feeling too awkward.

And now I’m off to watch today’s episode, because this post took me way too long to write.

[happyacademia]

Includes: tips, resources, and step-by-step advice!

When I say I’ve been dealing with school-induced anxiety throughout my whole academic career, I’m really being serious - my parents told me I used to ask them all the time if it was difficult to learn how to read and write, and worry if I’d ever get the hang of it like my older sister had done. Soon enough I started stressing about homework, exams and extracurricular activities, and it hasn’t changed much since, but I learned how to overcome it. 

I admit I get good grades, and the reason I work so hard it is because I worry about my future. Therefore, being concerned about your performance is a crucial part of succeeding, but once that concern turns into obsession and something that often overwhelms you, it means that it’s become something unhealthy - and that is what’s going to damage your performance. This kind of anxiety has become a big thing not only among college students but also the younger ones, who are still struggling to graduate and get into university, and unfortunately, most don’t know how to manage it. 

Anxiety and stress can lead to major health problems such as depression, fatigue and many behavioral, sleeping, respiratory and mood issues. Personally, I’ve been dealing with insomnia, mood swings, chronic migraines and some other things due to school-induced anxiety and stress, but thankfully I’ve been feeling much better once I decided to do something about it and care more for my well-being by building new healthy habits and getting rid of bad ones.

Today’s education system still has a lot to improve and we do need desperately to talk more about mental health in schools, but for now, l’d like to share some tips that have personally helped me how to stay on my feet and keep my head held up high despite the many bumps on the road.

Keep organized all year long

The one thing that will save you that one week filled with deadlines and exams is your level of organization. How do you store your notes, scored past exams and completed exercises? These are crucial during a revision session, and if they’re not in hand once it’s time for that, it can further worsen your mood. Having everything in place for when you need it will make you feel in control, which is exactly how you want to feel. Here’s a few steps to help you putting everything in their rightful place: 

Keep a thin plastic folder on your bag, and whenever you’re given a sheet, place it inside the folder at the end of the class.

Once you get home, organize all the sheets inside the folder. You can do it every other day or every weekend if it’s troublesome to do it every day. If you use a binder for the corresponding class, place it there. If you use a notebook and don’t like gluing papers onto the pages, consider buying one of those thick folders with multiple compartments - this way, you can place the sheet in the class’ compartment and find it easily once you need it.

Regularly throw away papers you don’t need anymore - having useless stuff around might cause even more stress.

Have a space in your room which is exclusive for your books, binders/notebooks and all other school material so you always know where to put things and where to find them.

I want to stress the importance of a pencil case - it might seem like silly remainder, but I know a lot of people who just don’t have them. It doesn’t need to be fancy; some of my friends use ziplock bags as pencil cases, and they work just fine. It just helps you keep your pens, pencils, highlighters and whatever else you need in one place. 

Keep up with your calendar

This is like the second part of the whole “keep organized” tip. I seriously can’t stress this enough. Dates are important; please keep track of them. The best way to do so is by having a calendar on your wall and a planner with you all day. 

Again, it doesn’t have to be anything fancy. I’ll have some free printables of calendars and planner pages below, but you can make your own monthly calendar out of a A4 sheet (which is what I usually do), and you can find some pretty cheap planners out there.

Just to make sure it’s clear, I’m talking about planners, not bullet journals. While bullet journals are great to keep up with tasks and such as well, the advantage of planners is that you can write down things that will happen in weeks by turning a few pages since the dates are already printed for you. While you can write down reminders in the bullet journal, you might forget to check later, while the planner will remind you once you get there. The calendar on the wall is also a great way to keep up with reminders. 

Like mentioned above, even though it’s not essential, keeping a bullet journal is an awesome hobby, and can be a really good friend if you’re serious about boosting your productivity and keeping up with daily tasks. I’ll leave some in-depth posts about it below as well! 

Remember to write down everything on your planner: when your homework/essay/project is due, the date of your test, any holidays, etc. It will be super helpful once you need to plan your study schedule before a exam season.

If you prefer having an app that can do that for you, I highly recommend the My Study Life app.

Resources:

emmastudies' 2019 yearly calendar printables

emmastudies' 2019 monthly calendar printables

emmastudies' weekly planner printable

studydiaryofamedstudent's printables (habit tracker, weekly planner, meal planner, month planner)

jackiejapalture's exam study kit printables (exam schedule, finals week schedule, weekly planner, essay planner, definitions sheet, notes sheet)

bullet journal tutorial by studypetals

Exercise

You don’t have to lift heavy weights or run a marathon, and you don’t have to exercise every day either. Try to exercise three days a week, the way you like the most. Exercising is an extremely efficient way of releasing stress and maintaining a body that is body healthy physically and mentally. If done in the morning or before a study session, it can even improve your concentration.

You can go on walks outside! Create a playlist with your favorite songs, put on some comfy sneakers and just go. It can actually be quite pleasant and not difficult at all.

You can enroll on a gym if you don’t like walking outside, and maybe even ask a friend or a family member to start going with you if you don’t like being on your own.

If neither of those ideas sound appealing to you, you can try doing some home exercises. There are plenty of easy workout videos for you to follow online. These include pilates, yoga, but also some pretty intense bodyweight and cardio ones. 

Yoga is one of the best physical ways to release stress. I don’t do it regularly but my sister convinced me to try it a few times and it’s amazing. There are a bunch of yoga videos online, such as morning and bedtime routines, that have really helped me start the day in a good mood or manage to help me sleep once it’s over. There are some that are even targeted to when you’re feeling very anxious or stressed.

Resources:

Yoga for anxiety and stress

Yoga for bedtime

Total body stretch

Apartment-friendly cardio workout

Eat healthy

Eating healthy doesn’t mean you have to go on a diet or try to lose weight. I know plenty of people that are quite thin or don’t really want to lose weight, but who eat really crappy food. Eating bad food can have several bad side effects other than making you gain weight, such as acne, low energy, mood swings, insomnia, and many other things. That doesn’t mean you can’t eat that cookie daily, but eating processed food for every meal definitely won’t do you good on the long run. Here are some practical tips:

Try to have lots of veggies with at least one of your meals

Try leaving junk food and soft drinks exclusively to the weekend

Eat your favorite fruits for snacks

Sometimes buying your breakfast instead of making it when you “don't have the time” it’s even more time consuming; I’ll leave some really good and ridiculously easy recipes bellow!

12 healthy smoothies

5 lazy, quick & healthy meal recipes (vegan)

5 healthy lunch ideas for school & work

Drink water

Again, so important! Keeping your body hydrated has so many advantages, especially when it comes to your mood. You need to replace the huge amounts of water you lose everyday by drinking it all back, and help maintain the balance of body fluids - they’re responsible for things such as digestion and transportation of nutrients. And so, drinking water can help you relieve fatigue, keep concentrated and think more clearly, which are essential things for a student.

It can be hard if you’re not used to it, so you can start small, with 1 liter (33 oz).

Try to slowly increase you intake to 2 liters (which is about eight 8-ounce glasses of water, and hence why people say you should drink about 8 glasses of water per day)

Measuring the quantity in glasses can be quite troublesome sometimes throughout the day, so what I like doing is bringing my water bottle everywhere. I have a 600ml bottle and my goal is to drink 3 liters daily, so I have to drink 5 bottles. 

To keep on track and remember how much I’ve already drank, I use the Drink Water app. It’s really simple to use, and you can adjust your goal accordingly! I'm not sure if it's available for Android, but you can easily find similar apps for any phone!

Communication

If you think you need it, please open up about what’s been going through your mind to someone you trust. If you don’t feel like talking to a family member of friend, look for a teacher you trust at school. You can even search for your school’s psychologist - most have it, and they’re generally the nicest people out there, and would be very happy to hear what you have to say and give really good advice. 

Finally, please consider seeking professional help. Therapy really does help; talking out loud with a professional who knows exactly what to do to help you will certainly be a good option. When my anxiety was really bad, I used to go to a psychologist weekly and she helped me made the right decisions and keep going! I don’t need her assistance anymore, but I’ll always be grateful for her help, and proud of myself for deciding to keep visiting her even when I didn’t feel like it. 

Resources:

International helplines

Take a break

Sometimes the healthiest way to put yourself back together is taking a few steps back and letting go for a while. Maybe a day. Maybe an entire weekend! Take the time to read a book, hang out with your friends, binge-watch your favorite TV show... the ideas are endless. Just don't do anything school-related.

Of course, if you're near exam season this would be hard, but if you keep organized all year long, I'm sure an opportunity will arise - to take it!

Keep going!

Never forget that you can do it! No matter how difficult it seems, you can always keep going as long as you’re not overworking yourself and seeking unhealthy coping mechanisms. By keeping organized and taking care of your health, you’ll see that your daily routine will become easier and your mind will clear up, so don’t give up!

“When you reach the end of your rope, tie a knot in it and hang on.” – Franklin D. Roosevelt