#these are just things that give me gender envy
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Gender Envy
#it's just been one of those days yk#tw gender dysphoria#ftm#ftm dysphoria#ftm gender envy#pretty much everything found on pintrest or reddit#apart from the trans flag#found that on wiki lol#transgender#trans#these are just things that give me gender envy#they aren't inherintly “guy things”#I just feel like for me I could do them if i were cis#and i probably will do them#but hey#i guess i'll have to just wait and see#eyestrain cw#I want to look like this so bad
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when bitches bring up Donnie Darko and now everyone knows you’re autistic 😔
#donnie darko#jake gyllenhaal#donnie darko 2001#donnie darko movie#donnie darko x reader#favorite movies#movies#best movie ever#autism things#Im extremely autistic about stuff#especially Donnie darko idk#it’s just such a good movie and Jake Gyllenhaal gives me gender envy#i want to be Pilot Kelson and Donnie Darko
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Batb: Other Than Human - Themes stuff (& why I Called It That)
That's right folks, the self-indulgent "throwing any concept I like at the wall and haphazardly mixing together what sticks" au rewrite Thing has Actual Themes! That kind of happened accidentally but they are so real for that so let's get into it.
The Main Narratives Themes Trio of the story now all also embody expanded themes about being an "Other", when being a person is not enough to be properly considered human- more specifically of a neurodivergent/queer girlhood type flavor.
Summary is that it's called "Other Than Human" because the prominent theming is about being considered something other than human due to not fitting the mold of the 'norm'.
[This is a long one so details & specific character stuff are under the cut<3]
Amalure has the greatest departure from her original counterparts thematic placing, so we'll start with her. Amalure retains Gaston's social standing, reputation, etc. But it's of course not quite the same- because she is a woman, and she is not revered for being the picture of ideal womanhood/femininity. Instead, she excels in masculinity, but remains firm that she is and always will be a woman. So, to justify the desire & awe people have for her, they dehumanize her: She doesn't need to follow the Rules because she is outside of them. Amalure is not a person: she is a symbol, a figure, an object. A legend, a folksong, a modern myth. Her skills are not skills they are blessings, inherent, a mundane magic or supernatural. Despite having grown up in Villeneuve for her entire life, she is considered exotic, and is practically, if not actually, fetishized. And through all of this, the status quo and social order gets to be retained without question, and she gets to exist as the exception that proves the rule, rather than the Undesirable that she'd be marked as otherwise.
Amalure is fine with this, because this dehumanization is her status quo: She doesn't really view herself as a person either, she is defined by her relationship to other people, by who she is to them. Amalure has never been a person to anybody: Growing up she was never just a girl, never just Amalure: She was a girl with a mans brain, an embodiment of her fathers greatest achievements, an embodiment of her mothers worst mistakes, she is her fathers daughter or her mothers daughter, but not her own. (and she never both, it is either or, mother or father, never both, never parents.)
Princess Eve/The Beast is the other end of this, of operating through her dehumanization. Upon being cursed, she adheres to what societies have oft wanted to happen to their Undesirables: Hide away and never be seen by the public again. It is entirely self-inflicted, as most of her suffering truly is. She operates not through others dehumanizing view of her, but her dehumanizing view of herself and its warping of how she believes others view her. Because, well, the servants still view her as a person. I mean, they're still human- under the new object forms. And the separation of humanity that is easy to slip into on matters of royalty is awfully minimal as well; they watched her grow up, and she grew up among them.
The girl's bratty, spoiled, temperamental, and is a ball of horrid consequences of the shallow views and ideals learned from surrounding nobility. But she's also the girl that fell asleep listening to Cogsworth explain the many technicalities to managing servants; because she was stubborn in asserting her authority as the mistress of the castle, and thus she Must have say over its goings ons. But the majordomo's voice can be awfully soothing when he's not high-strung on anxiety, and it's hard to pay attention when you don't understand what's being discussed, so its all going in one ear and out the other. And She's Lumiere's 'Evie', who was so amused when Lumiere would draw on a little mustache when dancing the male roles so the princess could learn some duo dances, or because she didn't look very "waiter-like" (because Eve wasn't entirely sure what a maître d' did, but it seemed to have something to do with waiters), and who got annoyed every time the dance teacher/maître d' would warn her not to hurt her body in her pursuits, because it seemed so silly, why would anyone do that? And she's the girl who dragged Mrs. Potts to have tea with her, because she made the best tea and as princess she would have only the best; and if you're going to have tea you may as well have a tea party, and you can't really have a party of one, but two isn't much of a party either so she's going to drag Babette away from her duties too, since the maid was so elegant and thus would be perfect.
Honestly, the girl probably would've turned out fine if she was raised by just the servants. But they weren't the only forces in her life: she's a princess, so she's got to host and interact with important people and learn how to Be noble which isn't something any of the servants can teach her. And it is under the pressures and eyes of nobility, is in mixing and learning their social rules, that learns the lessons that will lead to her curse: That to be considered human and treated as such, one must look human. And to be such as a woman meant to look beautiful, like the ideal. As a woman, to be worthy is to be beautiful and vice versa. And even if she does not, she must have some way to serve men. Otherwise, she is nothing. Eve met these requirements well, and where she did not yet her authority as princess covered. So when a beggar woman is at her doorstep, the princess turns her away: because she is old, ugly, so long past her 'prime'- there is no worth to her anymore. There is no point caring for her future.
Helene stands as both the middle ground and inverse to the other two. She is an Other by virtue of her mind, she is Objectifiable by virtue of her beauty. She sits on the precipice between Undesirable and Desired, seeming nearly apathetic to where she lands despite popular encouragement to embrace or smother aspects of herself. Helene is quite sure she's a person like anyone else, thank you, and is frankly frustrated and a bit weirded out that others seem to have a hard time getting the memo- she doesn't like or want to assume the worst, though, so maybe she just missed another confusing untold social rule or something. I mean, the local triplets really do seem to be advising in good faith- they really do think of her as one of them to an extent (for reasons Helene is yet to know); they just don't understand her.
When Amalure pursues her, there's an unspoken aspect to the deal of marriage she proposes: Helene will get a secured place on the in of the community, a secure standing the promises people no longer questioning or trying to encourage her to no longer be herself. But Helene just isn't interested in Amalure like that, and she also sees what the real trade-off of that security is; that uncomfortable dehumanization that is exactly what Helene doesn't want to deal with anymore. If Amalure is fine living with it than she is free to do as she pleases, but the huntress doesn't seem to understand what Helene could possibly have a problem with- and it's not like they can discuss it, because it's unspoken, and you're not supposed to speak the unspoken things, because they're unspoken for a reason- even if you don't know what that reason is. Helene knows that rule, at least.
When Helene meets the Beast, she regards her as she does any other. It's plain as day that the Beast has a humanity to her, whether she's really "human" or not- she thinks and she feels, and that's enough for Helene.
Because Helene grew up raised by a single dad who she got most of her brain workings from, and he is a man of compassion and science. Off he'd send his beloved daughter to go and question and figure out the world for herself, to experiment and learn and become whatever she desires. Off to bed he'd send her to tell her fairy tales and have their lessons of love and compassion and humanity understood as she drifted off to sleep. Helene was never Odd with her father, never Other, in fact they were so easily two of a kind. It was so jarring, hearing people imply Tyndare less than sane; his logic paths were so easy to follow- but apparently his voice gruffs enough that others have a hard time understanding what he's saying sometimes, so that's where things seem to get lost in translation she guesses. People became jarring in other ways as she grew up too, because suddenly there seemed to be lots of social things she was supposed to know or be but didn't and wasn't, and it became very apparent very quickly that she was an Other among her village.
Overall: Eve & Helene get to go through these themes through the main plot, and post curse-breaking is when Eve gets to properly deal with the internalized issues and whatnot. Like she's learned beauty doesn't matter when it comes to love, and shouldn't decide whether or not someone should be cared about, and Helene loves her despite her having been beastly and despite her being a failure of a woman- (because she no longer fits the feminine ideal after the curse is broken, and frankly she never will again.) But she's still a Failure Of A Woman and Helene deserves Better Than That! So there's still work to do.
Amalure remains static on this aspect of the narrative until after the battle at the castle, where she does survive! .. barely. and it's later, in an argument with her mother that same night, bleeding out on the kitchen floor, when she asserts that she's her daughter too, not just her fathers. she has always been her daughter, always will be, she is the daughter of both of them, because that's not something that just switches or turns on and off- and it's an entire rant that I will not recite here, but the important part is the assertion that she is, always has been, always will be, the daughter of both her parents at once- that's the first little step for her arc of recognizing her own individual personhood and whatnot.
#Amalure's mother is a CHARACTER alright#she has a ref I need to make too...#fun fact Amalure falls asleep in her childhood bed that night being convinced the last thing she did was yell at her mom#and acutely aware that there is no comfort for her in this house.#Wire monkey mother frfr#anyways uh hi.#how obvious is it that the person making this is a she/it ND sapphic???#because Hi hello that is I#Yes Helene is VERY definitely Neurodivergent.#I can easily say she's autistic because the traits she displays are most commonly associated w/ it#but tbh I don't have autism and I didn't give her those traits with specifically autism in mind or research#so she's just.. generally Not Neurotypical.#project whatever you want onto her as you will#Fun fact the physique change Eve gets after being uncursed is me finding a justification for me basing part of her design on thinking that#Amalure seeing her and immediately having the Worst gender envy of her life since her dad died#while Eve is having like the worst body image issues of her life#would be kinda funny lowk#Also I might have a type but shhhhhhh#anywayss uhhh#gem stop yapping in ur tags#ramblez brambles#doodlez#I just did some mild editing w/ the ref art cuz I'm too lazy to make new shit for this and I didn't want this to Just be a text post#Princess Eve#Helene#Amalure#sorry of any of this is rambly/hard to read I randomly woke up at like 2:30am#idk when I started writing this post but idr doing much of anything beforehand besides making the little banner thing#and it's... 6:13am now.#batb: Other Than Human
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ellis would be the type to not have his schedule memorized so nick would see a blood spot on his pants and ask "damn fireball, who shot you on your ass?" and ellis would turn around and realize "fuck, man, its that time of the month"
#TRANS ELLIS !!!!!!#TRANS ELLIS IN THE HOUSE !!!!!!!!!!!!#he gives me the most gender envy so im hitting him with the trans beam lmao#he's so me#also such a tragic thing to have your period during an apocalypse#id imagine itd get delayed so bad during super stressful times but the drawback would be crazy#anyways#l4d2#l4d#l4d2 ellis#l4d2 nick#just a silly goofy hc
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Ash. Ash we might be getting another friend to watch godkiller rpg :3
YOOOOOO!!!!!
also i just met someone today who's heard of it.... screaming
#my ass has been DEVOURING chaos protocol.#like. six episodes in two days#just MUNCH MUNCH MUNCHIN#rgghdhhh it's so good...#I'd started it a while back but dropped it bc i gor fixated on another thing.#but now it's back babeyyyy#just. ughhhhhh valiant and cai both give me SO MUCH GENDER ENVY#seir not so much#xainan YEAH#it's odd#also Connie......#they give me SO MUCH ENVY#ughhhh#and samm is just. ughhh i want to PAINT HER#like i want to put the silky softness of her voice into a bottle and keep it on a locket#not like *steal* it but have it with me all the time yo#*yk#ash answers#azurecake16#transplanar rpg#GOD#the chaos protocol#godkiller: last hope
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At this point I think my ideal gender presentation would be to look transfem butch-esque. Idk is that weird to say lol? Asking for y'all's point of view on this.
I don't wanna demean transfem transitions since, well, this is a transmasc speaking here. I just really like how a lot of more androgynous transfem people look. Like the general silhouette, the way clothes fit on them, the way they do makeup (if they wear any) and how their hair looks when they've just grown it out. It looks really cool to me. I'm an androgyne/multigender/??? and the fem part of me aches to look like That. I would be so much more comfortable with the Woman™ side of my gender if I did...
#I'm not talking about like. feminine trans women just starting on their transition#Though you all look awesome too!!!!! That's just not the specific presentation that gives me envy lol#Also I don't want to imply all transfems look androgynous for obvious reasons#My brain only goes ''Woahhh...'' when they're like obviously fucking with gender..#Wearing a she/her pin with unshaved stubble and a biker jacket. That sorta thing#Idk. (kicks rock) Lmk what y'all think#transfem#transgender#trans#transfeminine#brain slop
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i want the same kinda genderfuckity energy that hermie has. the RANGE of this guy. dorky awkward nerd to sassy girly bitch to silly devious creature. i like to think of his gender as "genderfluid but in a fake way" and tbh me too
#copying from my insta story again lol#but do u get what i mean#like treating gender just like a fun little show to put on and not a real thing#this stupid theater kid gives me such bad gender envy i am shaking him like a ragdoll#hermie the unworthy#dndads#siren says
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so maybe I'm not as mentally stable right now as I thought I was because I just saw a photo of Kristen Stewart with a buzz cut and I actually almost started crying
#she's so pretty with a buzzcut it gives me SUCH gender envy!!#the picture was from Underwater 2020 btw I'm gonna watch it tonight#kristen stewart#underwater 2020#hashtag just transmasc things ✌️😔
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omgg lol [guy who won't stop going "more like scapeGOATED" voice] now hold! on!! lmao [same guy just saw encanto voice] Hold on!!!
#& [it might be 5am but i'll still see if i can draw some] trackpad homemade reacts. inhales & hands to head/face x9 then walking off#site giving pretty random Suggested assortment there where i was like oh right sure. prob not tumblr keywords captures lmaooo#(plus happened to have it open in firefox) but my god Not the scapegoated literal seers lmfao. whoooo. my god#also it was just really good anyways like right nice. damn#the (queerrr) seerrr the perceiverrr the truth tellerrr the ruinerrr the scapegoat be-errr the internalizerrr the neurodivergerrr#& now i Know there is 0% chance ppl weren't putting ''always a gay cousin or it's you (avuncular edition)'' in that thing#family tree design not even leaving space for the hypothetical kids of this relative we mostly pretend is nonexistent hmm#also that necessarily. it's giving all intents & purposes Disability abt a dozen ways & it's saying [accept that] vs [we'd better fix him]#you don't cite said [it's giving disability] as part of the We All Hate The Horrible Little Freak scapegoating justification & then be like#''actually we don't have to do that anymore b/c he's sooo normal :)'' or not if you're serious about [don't scapegoat your family] anyways#which like oh ok they Are serious so The Weirdo's scapegoating / casting out / lack of support Isn't justified#so he's still weird & you just gotta get over that b/c otherwise. bye. having a natural rat affinity is such a slay btw#& we've all been there like ''you NEVER want two scapegoats talking it's Over if they do'' + littlest kid is like um. they're the best#plankton voice Correct! inhale i'm so impressed like. getting to go ''finally someone Normal'' (serious abt letting someone Be Weird(tm))#which also always counts as like mm hard time suggesting someone's Not queer & also autistic for a start lmao. an award#adding in suggested layers like talking to oneself; talking Oddly / w difficulty; physical uncoordination; rituals ; acting; animal friend#the layer of ''& all that's fine? like?'' again rather than him ever suppressing or even changing it so far as it's suggested#besides that it's observed as Weird like but so? or else what? nonrhetorical: hostility / rescinded support & driving someone off is what?#& that Truth like the [worse treatment / exclusion / scapegoat] oft recipe for someone giving the support they're not getting themself#again Never let the [ppl both experiencing this] talk oh it's So over. or the child who's all i like family support & kindness actuallyy...#obviously also like the complete opposite of billions. knowing what they're about & letting this Just As Beloved crucial guy be So Weird#but billions Also [hmm feels right for our scapegoated guy to Perceive / Tell Truths / openly want/need & then be hurt] now get his ass#anyway [guy who could always go way on could go way on but only has thirty tags & it's 6am & i still mean to try some drawing] voice#remarkable amt of So True & ''it feels like ppl on the same page w/exactly what they're doing are all behind this''#remarkable amount of concentrated My God That Is So A Slay located in bruno all at once. what a gift#sticking to ''sometimes someone In Your Group is Weird. Disabled. deal'' firmly enough there's no ;) oh u can bet we'll Fix Him in the end#everyone always assumes the worst so....me when i'm [always as a kid yearning for Living In Secret Passages]. emile gtmpota?#oh congrats to whatever rando who will be having his dramatic gay reunion w/bruno just out of frame obviously. i perceive#now imagine if That rando was....emile gtmpota! what a crossover event. haunting4haunting. do i have enough tags for this lmao. yea#& having 1 more tag to say: as though the [endless serving] isn't enough bruno's also as close to gender envy as it gets. incl rats; sure
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yk what would be great. being able to know like objectively and definitely what you were feeling at any given time
#like.#i would love to be able to just be completely certain abt stuff#like ‘i definitely have a crush on my friend’ or ‘my friend definitely gives me gender envy’ or ‘i definitely have a squish on them’ etc#hate hate loathe detest not knowing exactly what i feel abt sth#all those like queer books where they have like their little relationships with all the blurred lines and its like in between platonic#and romantic or like its its own third thing?#thats great. thats lovely for them#but me personally#i want to know What I Am Feeling#not a vent#rambling
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Adding Richard to the list of characters whose hair I love to draw, alongside Mikleo and Archie Dandelion
#i 💜 bishie hair it's so floofy!!!!!!!!!#they give me gender envy even tho my hair is lowkey like that already#so maybe it's just more like gender affirmation#but it's not about gender either it's just presentation. is presentation affirmation a thing?#dolphin noises#most of the dolphin noises i make while drawing said hair involve chanting the words 'prettyboy' rapidly#which is actually a reference to youtuber CallMeKevins LP of a wrestling game where he made a custom character whose name was Pretty Boy(x4)#oh god adhd im shutting up now
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I want to state, for the record: Julian Kostov is so fucking gorgeous it makes me self-conscious.
#I mean this in the most respectful way possible#Also I mean this lightheartedly#But Julian Kostov the man that you are#HE IS SO FUCKING PRETTY AND FOR WHAT#I AM GOING TO BE SO ANNOYING WHEN MW3 COMES OUT#BECAUSE IM GOING TO BE TWITLING MY HAIR AT THE SCREEN#HOW QUICKLY CAN I GET A HAIRCUT AND DRESS LIKE MAKROV FOR HALLOWEEN TO APPRECIATE HIM#BECAUSE HE’S ALSO GIVING ME SOME SERIOUS GENDER ENVY#I am looking at him with so much respect in my eyes#Not an inappropriate thought in sight#He is just#So fucking handsome and pretty and gorgeous#I just#I needed to say that out loud#ALSO#ANOTHER THING#BECAUSE IM FUCKING CRAZY#Have you seen that man’s smile?#That shit gives me butterflies I swear to god#AGAIN#RESPECTFULLY#And not to infantilize the man because that’s not what I mean#But FUCKING LORD IN HEAVEN#HE ALSO WENT TO THE FUCKING AZORES???#MY FAMILY IS FROM THERE#THIS IS A MAN AFTER MY OWN HEART WITHOUT KNOWING IT#FUCK#SOMEONE DATE ME SO I STOP BEING SO DELUSIONAL#Julian Kostov#Юлиан Костов
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on going gender revelations.... stay tuned for results...
#ive identified as a version of nonbinary for like 5 years but never really settled on a sublable bc i didnt want/feel the need to#then settled on genderfluid because yk gender is fluid#but i was talking with my cousin about general queer stuff and she asked about it bc ive got my pronouns in my instagram bio#and so i had to say my reasonings out loud for the first time in like years#and just wow#yeah idk it helped a lot#like i know how i feel and how i like to present#gender is a thing that is done To me#im like a clay blob someone could go hmmm could be a vase and make me into the shape of a vase but really id still be a clay blob#the mobius strip gives me gender envy#nico's thoughts
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Why has my brain decided it is time for reviewbrah brainworms now?? What happened????
#i cant explain it but his video make my brain produce chemicals#also he gives me gender envy idk what to say#anyway guess its been a long time cominng and i just always avoided it and now here we are#idk whats going on with me but i guess i could be doing worse things woth my time than watching years old fast food reviews#also i have wanted a suit for ages but this makes it more urgent#asdfgjkll#mine#delete later
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brb finished the latest season of anime and now I need three business days to recover and reflect
#and to get over the gender envy these stupid little lines give me#like bro come on#he’s just lines#(gender IS a performance though? so like??? it doesn’t really matter that he’s just lines??? y’know??)#(anyway)#(talk me out of dying my hair blonde again)#(literally the last season of this after I got done watching I went and dyed my hair blonde)#(because of the same character)#(anyway I hate that tumblr won’t let you tag things more than once now)#(tumblr mobile at least idk about desktop)
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Yes im trans girl Laios-pilled for several reasons but honestly the thing that hits home for me the most is Laios's rejection by izutsumi (both personally and done multiple times on her behalf by the other members of a party) and how isolating and confusing it is that he personally is given separate boundaries for reasons he can't understand.
As a child and long into adulthood id have these experiences where certain situations where our collective is suddenly split by gender. the girls are doing this together, this conversation is girls only. My exclusion made some kind of sense, I was a boy. But it felt deeply upsetting that there was some thing about me that i didn't even understand that made me not one of them. And no one else seemed upset about being put in the wrong category! So the only conclusion i could make was my desire to be included in the girls' spaces and activities was strange and creepy, itself justifying my exclusion.
Back to Laios, we've already talked a lot about is autism, and how he deeply relates to monsters and how they are misunderstood. Kitty-moded Izutsumi rejects pets from Laios, but in the normal world, his exclusion is almost entirely enforced by the others (mainly chilchuck). We know that Laios is not being a pervert when he wants to look at Izutsumi, she herself explicitly doesn't care about being seen naked, but the rest of the group decides this is a boundary that shouldn't be crossed. Similarly in the adventurers' bible, Zumi tries to find comfort in sleeping next to Laios, who starts giving her pets as if she were a cat. Again, Izutsumi herself isn't uncomfortable with this, quite the opposite. Chilchuck sees this and aggressively puts a stop to it, allowing her to share a bed with him instead. Both reasons i could think of for doing this, that he perceives it as either perverse (which it isn't) or as bad optics (it is) both exclude Laios from a connection with Izutsumi on the basis of conforming to social norms.
Ignoring all that, just the idea that Laios envies Izutsumi for traits that for herself are deep sources of self-hatred is like yeah, trans :3
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