#theres so much more to my thoughts but if i write more itll be a book

[alwayshere195]

I wish we got Diego and Five in the timeline subway instead of Lila and Five. The deep desire for us getting the same premise but with a different execution.

Imagine Diego going and asking why Five can't blink only to end up in the subway with him. Five reluctantly, explaining everything he knows. Something Diego isn't fully comprehending but understands.

The silly idea of Diego coming up with the timeline travel and getting stuck in the subway with Five. The possibilities of their interactions.

The idea of Apocalypse Five shooting at them, causing Diego to ask who's that. "Me, of course, who else was in the apocalypses?!" Five responds, heading back down into the subway. Diego follows, "Well, sorrrry! I thought you had better aim than that!" Five shoots him a look.

The idea of when they realized they're trapped, we hear dialog. Diego shouting that this is EXACTLY what Five wanted. Klaus was right! He is a chaos junkie!

Five, throwing his hands up: I don't know why everyone says that! I'm not. This isn't what I wanted.

Diego: You appear in your element!

Five: Of course I do! This is all I know, Diego! I got stuck in an apocalypse at 13! 13! I was trapped for 45 years in it! Besides living in it, need I remind that I witnessed it again and again and again?! But that doesn't mean I want it!

Diego: Then what do you want? Because (mocking) Need I remind, you went off to join the CIA. You barely kept in contact for the past 6 years. You-

Five: I want peace! I want silence! I want to not worry about you idiots! I want... Forget it. Let's keep looking to get out of here.

How it finally pushes these two to talk. Their relationship has been rocky but there's always trust between them. Plus, Five doesn't really open up. So for the day to come where Diego once again pushes Fives buttons but the correct ones this time to get a

Five: I'm tired, ok? I have seen you all die again and again and again. I'm tired. I tried time traveling, I tried talking, I tried murder, I've tried, and it all keeps going to hell. There's only so much before it feels impossible or that I'm the problem. Sure, Viktor caused the first three apocalypse but not those after that. Not all this (refering to the subway). Only I could come here...

Diego, sighing after hearing all this for the first time: Yeah, you are a problem. A problematic piece of shit like the rest of us. And for holding all this in like a secret to take to the grave. But you're not to blame for everything. If anyone's to blame, it's Dad.

How they grow closer and Diego realizes just how tired Five is. He's exhausted and barely holding on. It doesn't help that no one in the family ever truly thanked him. So he does. Gives Five a genuine "Thanks by the way. For spending 45 years and some figuring out how to save us. I appreciate it. I like being alive." And how Five gets quiet as thats all he ever truly wanted. A thank you.

How Diego opens up about his relationship issues and how his rants turn into frustration about it all. Him voicing how he'd LOVE "bookclub" because FUCK MAN he needs a "bookclub" too! He'd be in full support! And he wished she was more vocal about things like he is instead of playing the guessing game. And how it turns into all the things he wants to do when he sees her again. Tell her everything. Open up. Hold her. Kiss her. Be in the same love he always really had for her. Fives there supporting him.

Five finds the journal and ponders it. Keeps the information hidden from Diego for a day or two before he's caught reading it. Diego's rightfully upset but Five brings up points.

Five: I was reading it. Making sure I understood what to do before we had a talk.

Diego: A talk? What is there to talk about?

Five: What if it went to shit out there and everyone's died? What if-

Diego: No, Five. There is no ifs here. We're going back and we're going to see how things are. Worst case scenario, we go back in time and save their lousy asses. Together. Best case scenario, we see our family again. I get to see Lila and my kids again.

Five: Right...

They go back and they find out that Luther and Lila ended up going to the CIA because "My husband always talks about this place, and my brother-in-law works here. So maybe there's information." And it makes Diego's hesrt flutter.

Just... what we could have had.

[puppyeared]

its so hard to watch time pass when things like careers and assignments exist. what do you mean im supposed to take that seriously

[marsixm]

something interesting about art and music, to me, is when you make it you make it. its done. it lives forever now. like a recording of a song can be played forever even though its done being recorded. you paint a painting for a few hours over a week and then it can hang on a wall for hundreds of years. i remind myself of this sort of stuff when i feel like im not doing enough because like. if i can just do a little, if i can get some stuff done, i can still do all the other stuff i need to do, like take care of myself or have a job. or try different forms of art

[nats-revival]

nsfw ! — thinking about ex!ellie with a marking kink. she just couldnt help herself when you ended up back at her place. and obviously youve been with other people since her, but she fucking hated the thought, loathed it even. shes fucking you so good (the both of you knew this but youd never tell her this), her strap hitting your g-spot has your eyes rolling.

ellie wouldve been holding you close while sinking her teeth into any part of your body she could. your neck, your shoulders, your collarbone. it feels like shes all over you all at once. shes grunting softly while shes listening to those oh so pretty noises she enjoys so much. she sinks her teeth into your skin one more time for good measure while you’re on the brink of your orgasm. it was hard enough to draw blood, and she laps it up with no problem. while you’re cumming for her, she smiles, but it wasnt a content one.

she admires her work for a second, running her hand across the marks while you were catching your breath. “i wonder how long itll take before you come running back to me again after saying youre ’done with me’.” she jeers, making you roll your eyes.

aestras notes: i will not be elaborating on this until further notice. 😇 i didnt proofread this too much so please dont kill me if theres grammatical errors. 💔💔 writing to you while i am also not wearing my effing glasses!!!!! i hope it was good at least tho xx. rbs/comments r appreciated cause im def chronically online and will respond in like thirty seconds!! 😜

[tossball-stick]

heyy i saw your latest post about john's aromantic trutherism and i didn't exactly understand what you mean by that... could you explain? i too don't think he is actually in love with abigail if that's what you were saying...?

hiii!!! 1: thank you for asking about this im excited to write and analyze him in this way

2: plsplspls get the idea outta ur head that aromantic people cant love. noooo i couldnt have been misunderstood more. i wanna clarify that i do think john loves abigail. i just dont think that love is all that romantically motivated and ive got a few reasons to believe so.

3: uhhhh uhhh this ended up being like 2.5k words of analysis on john im sorry. no one on tumblr has asked me my thoughts about him before so this is the first time im talking about a lot of the stuff here and theres so much ive thought about johns character and its all messy and intertwined. itll be a little all over the place. i am deeply sorry.

okay. first reason? hes otherwise not much of a romantic. whether he wants to be or not, he falls flat on his face every attempt there is at being romantic with abigail (rarely do we see him be romantic with other women) is usually met with disdain, if there even are many to begin with. its rare to hear john say something pleasant about having a woman, and its rare to ever witness them having a good time together while in the gang.��

...up until the epilogue and john gets his shit together. but by that point i could argue further analysis as to how john isnt wholly himself by that point. hear me out.

john and arthur are two halves of one whole to me. its clear theres some sort of void in john after arthur dies, and he still holds the memory of arthur very very dear. he does his best to keep the memories alive, in fact, in a way to keep arthur alive. 

this starts extending to some kinda interesting parallels, though. writing and drawing in arthurs journal like he did, the hat being placed on johns head, john proposing with marys ring, the phrasing and tone of johns proposal is also shockingly familiar to arthur telling john that itd make him happy if john went to his family... after arthurs death, i find john taking on many of his traits even. he becomes more quiet and closed off, we see it even in rdr2 with arthur telking him to "knock it off with the whole being mysterious thing" or whatever. arthur claims its to act like dutch, but ill do you one better, its clearly just john idolizing his older brother and trying to be like him to be a proper man. this brings me to my next point...

the time period of rdr2!!! yayyy cowboys, the victorian era, Did u know. being a man was something you had to do in previous american and european cultures? this slowly started fading as we roll over into the 20th century, but there was a lot of emphasis placed on performing your role as a man. to be a good man, you must do xyz. otherwise, you are seen as immature, as a boy, as a child. 

throughout the entire series of red dead redemption, both 1 and 2, theres a lot of stuff pointing towards jogns struggle to Be A Man. arthur and dutch frequently refuse to let him grow up, still calling him "little john" and still treating him like hes a rowdy unruly boy that needs to learn better, not a man who should know better. hosea is the only man treating john like hes a man, and even then id say hes fairly lax with the guy. only as the story of rdr2 progresses do we see arthur start to shift his view towards john. not as a boy to stay a boy, because the gang isnt gonna be around forever. john cant keep being a boy. he needs to become a man, take care of his family. 

working off a distinctly gentleman influenced view of masculinity, johns inability to be a man is almost directly tied to his inability to be a proper romantic for his wife. compared to arthur, who is seen taken women on dates and flirting with them just to make them laugh at times. hes dancing with the ladies and helping them up and down the coaches, wagons, and horses. john like. just barely remembers to do that for abi in the epilogue. again, his failings to be a true romantic are tied with his failings as a man. 

in rdr1, this even extends to bill having the bit of dialogue, "you always were a scared little boy!" continuing to imply that john is not a man, hes never been a man. the only reason we can read him as a man Now is because we are going by arthurs definition of manhood. we can extend this further and say bill still views john as a boy because john does not live up to bills expectations of manhood- while arthur may view being a man as something chivalrous, more gentlemanly, bill clearly views masculinity as power and violence, without much to do with women. john does not live up to that, to bill, until the end.

if you read "masculinity" as "being romantic and chivalrous towards women", then, as john fails at being a romantic, he too fails at being a man. there are a lot of other ways john is immature and childish but this is a really easy one to point out if you know the time period and just how much emphasis was placed on both romanticism and manliness, and how they intertwined.

third reasoning for aro john: his family wasnt his for so much of his life. this one is another one that needs a bit of elaboration i fear.

the story of john and abigail getting together is simple enough. she joined the gang at 17 as a sex worker, slept around with some of the gang, then for one reason or another, very clearly believed that the pregnancy was johns. john runs away for a year.

in this time, we dont know a whole lot about what gang life was like without john. however, with arthurs comments about marrying abigail himself and loving her, and his close relationship with jack, i think its pretty clear arthur was the one being a man in johns place. when john left, there was a john shaped hole arthur had to fill. (i also like to think this because the potential misery of arthur having to lose his family a second time once john returns is fun to me.)

even in the story of rdr2, we see john Love and Care For his family, but its never in the same, romantic way arthur seems to involve himself in abi and jacks lives. john will defend them with his life, but when it actually comes to pulling himself up by his bootstraps and being a father or a husband, he kinda just drags his feet and gets lost. he has to be told to reunite with his family at jacks party, despite, in my eyes, his love for jack being very clearly displayed while they were looking for him. 

this is only bolstered by the conclusion of rdr2, with john and arthur on the mountain. arthur, in all his holy parallels, like jesus passing the virgin mary off to john the beloved, arthur tells john it would make him very happy if [john] went to be with his family and left. arthur is passing his family off onto john, the same as jesus passed his family onto saint john. (this one hits harder if you know the rest of the "arthur is jesus" parallels and symbolism but i feel like those would be more impactful as a web weave, and i cant make one right now haha. most obvious one i can think of to support this though is arthur being a scapegoat, dying for the gangs sins.) remember these points they are the most important and will come back later.

reason number four: "but javier-!" shhhhshshsh lemme talk. yes. john is infinitely more intimate with javier than abigail. however, again, we must take the time period into account.

not that far off from many disgusting redpill communities today, back in the 1800s it was typically expected for men to socialize with men and women with women. there was a certain level of bonding you only had with your wife, as well as a certain level of bonding you only had with the men who were close to you. 

i have got to grab this fandom by the shoulders and say rockstar did not make these men as affectionate as they should have been with each other, and thats completely platonically. this is taking romance out of the equation, these men considered each other brothers and family. they were all in a cult together. they would have been very close, and also very affectionate! they would confide in each other and hold each other and cry to each other. they would make gifts for each other and sing and dance together. you can at least see them all pass around beer bottles between each other.

do i think john and javier are closer than most? yes absolutely. do i think javier is in love with john in some way? yes absolutely. do i think its romantic? ehhh maybe. do i think john loves javier? yes absolutely. do i think its romantic? ....noo not really. their whole dynamic reads as one sided through and through to me. even if they ever got together im sure they were quickly apart again, and i doubt the relationship would have been fulfilling in the ways javier would want, leaving him longing still.

the "ive always loved you, even now" immediately funneling into a crate being shoved onto john to knock him over can also be metaphorical- javiers love is disarming to john Because he does not know how to react to it. hes never known how to react to it. hes never known how to react to love from anyone, because "love" seems to feel so much different for everyone but him.

reason ff. fiiiiive. dear god. im sorry for this being this long: john loves. he clearly loves very hard. he was clearly wrecked by arthurs death, he would clearly crawl through hell for his family, he was clearly hurt because his love for javier eventually stabbed him in the back. however, to me, a lot of this love feels similar to the love john has for dutch, or arthur, really. its familial, its platonic, it sure as hell isnt romantic. (even if the games themselves like to joke about it being so lol.)

its just clear to me that he loves. he cant not love jack and abi after everything hes done for them. he cant not love javier after being so close for so long. but in the same vein, he cant not love dutch for the same reasons. ysee what i mean? his devotion to his wife and child feels identical to the devotion to dutch, compared to arthur, whos devotion to eliza and isaac directly went against his devotion to dutch.

much like with dutch, where john was still seen as a boy, he will ferociously do the big things for his family (saving jack, defending the ranch, tackling gangsters and robbers). he will almost always fail to do the little things that would make him a true man, though. yknow. winding down, relaxing, just working, not getting involved in fights. spending some time with his family maybe. 

he can shape up and be good, he just never does. 

and i think thats why hes so torn between leaving on his own, leaving with his family, or staying with the gang. theres no difference between romantic, platonic, or familial love for him. when arthur tells him to go be with his family and john replies "youre my brother" its not only announcing arthur as family, but i think it only reinforces that blurred line of what love is for john. "i love you the same as them, why must i leave you behind? if they are family and i love them, then you too must be family, for i love you."

point six: i hope you remembered the first few points like i told you to. you did remember right

this brings us back around to john not being a man by not being a romantic, arthurs family being passed off to him, and also john not wholly being himself later on. in the epilogue, between 1899 and 1908, we hear about how john has been unable to avoid trouble and has them on the run still. whenever abigail asks something of him, he instead goes and does what he wants. its only after she leaves him (ultimate failure of being a man) do we see him start to shape himself up again, and i would argue this shaping up increases substantially after he reunites with charles. charles sets him on the right path and reawakens that memory of arthur. i imagine being close to blackwater also helps here. id argue due to charles' apparent closeness with arthur, and then sudden closeness to john due to john being all thats left of arthur... it makes john also feel like hes all thats left of arthur. i believe after speaking with charles and thinking to himself, he decides to fulfill the one dream arthur had, seemingly, at the end: take care of the family he had lost. well, eliza and isaac are six feet in the dirt so next best option: abi and jack. 

john starts to become quieter and more in his own shell- by rdr1 hes struggling to even really ask people for help with the most basic things. he becomes a lot more of a romantic speaker. he had always used fancy words with the gang, but never with charismatic purpose in the way i feel he does in rdr1. he starts making the decisions he thinks arthur would make. as a result, the hole that arthur left behind when he died, does not get filled by john. instead it simply gets filled with whatever arthur john can muster from within himself.

id also like to bring up john being the favorite, but not the golden boy. he was the youngest and most spoiled, but he was not the one dutch turned to for just about everything. he was still living in arthurs shadow, so i imagine all of that also plays a role in johns choice to live like arthur to get his family back, to be a man. he failed at being a man by his own merits. arthur was a real man by his own merits, lets just do what we've always done and look up to our older brother about it. copy what he does. clearly hes got it all figured out, even though you know he didnt, after reading the journal. 

this all is finally bolstered by john making the choice to kill micah and repeat the VDL cycle of violence, which ruins the perfect life he made for himself. he makes another decision HE, not arthur, HE would make, and thus has to deal with the consequences. 

in conclusion: i think john loves a lot and very hard. hes passionate about these people. but in his own words towards javier that start to become readable as projection, "hes a cynic that wants to be a romantic" and "hes all passion, no love ('no love' being how he perceives it, due to the views of those around him. he loves abigail and jack, he loved arthur, though because his version of love was different than theirs, its not read as love. therefore, he has none in his own eyes)." 

all of this coupled with a detached attachment style that leaves him cold and distant leaves him being tugged along in romances he truthfully does not feel the same about. he says he does, because he loves, but he doesnt know why the love isnt the same. so, clearly, since he loves, he must want the romance. he has to perform it for love regardless of if he truly does want romance or not. if he loves, he must be a romantic, and hes failing at being a romantic, so he cant be himself. he must be someone else in order to convey his love to his family.

i hope i got everything across alright ^-^ feel free to ask questions or send more asks ive got plenty more where that came from

[200070063]

Sure! Let’s hear it!

putting it under a cut because itll probably be long (context is p0psugar asked what couldve triggered pillows personality change. the art that goes with it is gorgeous btw go look NOW)

okay so first off. from a writing standpoint! ive noticed tpot has picked up a lot of seemingly forgotten early bfb gags and brought them back. especially for the characters that didn't get a lot of time to shine. theres a lot more emphasis on basketballs robotics knowledge, nickels strange speech patterns, yellow faces ads (not necessarily forgotten, but it was pretty much gone in bfb from what i remember), clocks love for loser lore (for better or for worse...). hell even the death pact itself, something that was just mentioned every now and again, has a lot more emphasis put on it! its the cause of a team-wide conflict!

thats basically what happened with pillow! she didn't have much personality outside of researching, so they seem to have took the silly "did someone say killing?" line and... well..... y'know........

it became this!

i dont know how most people feel about it and i might be biased because tpot made me a big fan of her but i like this approach. a lot. i may not like all of the changes it caused (that is NOT clock four replaced him with a clone i swear to god) but i appreciate how much life it gave to the less...... characterized contestants.

as for in universe, thats a bit harder for me to answer. i could argue that its just because shes not in the pact anymore but,

its clear that didnt matter, cause she was like this anyway! but even then its clear she did Try to prevent death (not getting screenshots right now but im specifically talking about the fork thing in todays very special episode and her trying to muffle fours screech in getting teardrop to tall), and as much as i want to chalk that up to the writers still getting a grasp of her character, thats just. not how i operate LOL im an overanalyzer at heart

so there's a few things that could be going on here:

1, there wasnt a personality shift at all, most of her moments like this were just offscreen.

2, the whole "death=good luck" thing didnt come to mind until after her time in death pact. or was maybe even a result of it. they didnt really prevent much death in bfb, so its still possible despite the teams immunity streak, something that was brought into question after she first brought it up. (←my petsonal theory)

3, the belief DID exist back then, she just either pushed it aside for the sake of the team or it wasnt as strong.

or maybe even something else! idk! i actually think about it quite a lot its nice to put my thoughts together like this. i heart pillow they could never make me hate her

[bredrawz]

Which oc of yours has the most character lore?

(Also hiii I'm so glad you liked my artfight drawing 😋)

vikki and glume have the most lore out of my ocs (for all my current ocs)

even ocs within their universe arent as fleshed out! all the ocs and some of their spoiler-free info are on my art fight page, but all of my current ocs are linked into one universe so heres a ranking of how much lore each character has:

1 - Vikki

this girl definitely has more lore considering her ghost seeing abilities adding onto her character

1 - Glume

being the main protagonist of the universe she almost ties with vikki with how much lore she has. but since vikki has supernatural powers i think shed be considered to have more but these two are at a. lose equal tbh

3 - rose and edric

will not give any info on their roles in the story but they definitely have their own story i have thought out

4 - nancy and eleanor

youve seen nancy on my art fight but she has a supporting story as she was the previous wife of edric, but she doesn’t have too much lore and is just simply mentioned in the comic (thats as much as ill say regarding her). as for eleanor, you’re all just hearing about her today but to prevent spoiling my own comic before its even published… ill just say she has a backstory lol

5- eli

i hate him but think hes so silly at the same time. hes not spoken too much about in the comic but does have a few appearances, i’ll definitely make minicomics with him but despite not much being said about him in the book he actually has a history with glume and an entire profile on their equivalent to twitter where he posts about being an “alpha male” unironically. no, he cannot name 5 soap brands.

6- mark

hes a dead sassy asshole who has a backstory of his life that isnt really explored in the comics besides a small summary since he isnt too important plotwise. but again, along with the other characters with little appearances i might make minicomics oitside the book for him.

7- summer

little is explained about her life besides her occupation and a reference to how she died

8- violet and kevin

more character new to the public but they have a bit of lore and these kids wont be featured in the book but if theres a book two i might add them in. honestly they were made after i finished writing out the full story, i just wanted to expand the universe for funsies yk

9- anne

i feel bad this queen is so low on the list since i love her but i havent thought of a proper backstory for her. all i have is shes glumes sister and is used to kinda bring out glumes character more and is a supporting character. her backstory wouldnt even be relevant in the story as shes a background/sligh side character, but she still deserves one (all the characters that remain vague on lore do)

10- the bathroom ghost

no this is not hanako, in fact, this dude is not even close to being as cool. i cant say much but theyre bland and you only hear about their death. theyre yet another character that is new to the public.

if you actually listened through my ramblings about my ocs congrats, heres a cookie 🍪

if you’re interested in the comic tumblr is the place to be since i’ll probably talk about it most here

for those curious about the current state of Paranormal (my comic), i’ve decided to do all the bases traditionally. i filled two sketchbooks with a rough draft, but now im working on the actual comic itself on a new sketchbook. its fairly small so once i finish it, ill transfer that book to digital, then get new ones of the same size, and work on the comic segment by segment. honestly itll make the process seem smaller than it is so ill get done faster (i think idk). but so far im moving fast and the style changed again. i might post a sneak peak on here.

feel free to ask questions regarding Paranormal, the characters, or even specifically one character youre interested in.

okie bye :p

[iiota]

my unasked for hades 2 overview for no one that asked

first off im gonna say this game is so much fun and wildly different than the first game which doesnt make it feel as repetitive as i thought. a lot of hades 2 focuses on longer range attacks which definitely will take a while to get used to as someone who replayed hades 1 a bit before playing thinking itd be similar playstylewise

the main new introduced gimmick is charged attacks and a change cast that is a circle placed on the ground over a launcher which i LOVE now but the weapon charge attacks are really hit or miss for me. im also a tad disappointed with the weapons i like the staff and the skull but the axe and twin flames arree kinda difficult to use with how i play. the sickle im neutral on and i think theres one more i dont have unlocked

the environments are gorgeous. end tweet the only time i remember im playing an early access game is coming across placeholder assets.

a bit of the combat feels like itll get rebalanced later but its not the Worst. its not really buggy besides like 3 really minor things most ppl wont notice (my timer turning off when i reopened the game, sometimes damage numbers dont show when i hit hecate, not being able to change my monitor in settings)

i do not like how you cannot trade ur tools once you get into a run..i forget what i have sometimes..the tarot card upgrades are a cool concept and fit the witchy theme

i feel..less attached to a lot of the characters than the first one which is funny bc i didnt really care too much about them in the first bc the story writing in 1 is awful but character interactions were fun sometimes. melinoe's design is. not Bad but its not really great it feels a bit too disconnected from..like everything when it feels like shes supposed to be a mix of hades but with evidence of being raised by hecate but the orange and blonde hair............girl i do not like it are they allergic to giving a woman dark hair (minus like.. nemesis) (in trying to make melinoe the opposite of zagreus they kinda just made her into a very bland Woman she should have been a slob too idk shes kinda just like..perfect)

I DO like nemesis more than i thought. much more fun to have some woman come antagonize you other than just helping. but dora is the best character so far..my weed smoking shade roommate. i feel like my feelings on the designs are obvious but i will give a pass to chaos because i do think its a bit of a slay but i cant help but laugh at the bishounenification

scylla's songs are way better than all the vocal tracks from hades 1 like no contest in the blood sucked

the story is fairly non existent atm mostly bc i havent beaten a run yet..its..fine i guess. better than 1

the nude headshots from the bath cutscenes are so scary they need to back the fuck up

[kaleidosouls]

im too lazy to put the vpn on to tweet so im gonna tumblr post; talk watch abt the amazing digital circus ep 3 (spoilers ofc) [Edit: i had more thoughts i guess il put it in the replies bc tumblr has those now? maybe itll be more accessible for my twitter generated yapping disorder)

finally some appreciation for my man and favourite character kingler like he goddamn DESERVES. i actually have not enjoyed tadc very much theres so much i rly dislike abt it but its like super well produced and indie so like you watch to be on the loop (i wish it was actually rendered closer to the quality of cd games from the 2000s that it seemed to be referencing but like, it looks how it looks and thats how it is), i rly disliked the script for the mpst part in the first 2 eps but ive loved kingler from day 1 so having an ep with mostly just him and pomni (i have mixed feelings on her too but w/e) was great great great and we had some lore n stuff but rly like i could smell a fellow traumatized man whos a bit wacky to cope from miles away and im glad to be proven Right

sorry im older man fucker so he rly hits all the boxes bc hes actually so sweet and helpful hes just mentally unstable (love him for that) and a lot of his endearing like caring nature comes thru in the physical aspect of the character and with less dialogue, rly the less dialogue the show has the better, idk who does the scripts and i dont wanna diss them but like oof i fucking hate it shkdh like its not like its never funny but its just, off, ive still not been able to properly explain to my wife the way that its off to me, and it bothers me to not be able to cohere those emotions! anyway

kingler so cute so very handsome and uwu so gentle and kind 💖💖💖 i love how gentle he is and good to pomni (ofc ppl are gonna call it fatherly or god forbid grandfatherly when hes like 40, and now if you ship them ppl will say its incesty when theyre two grown adults but w/e) like idk i just love a kind mentally unwell man!!! im simple!!! him just overexposing at the near end in dialogue was rly awkward in the writing like man they just, the dialogue is so not good. but in theory his character is so good and the thing abt the darkness and such was sweet. like hes just always been so endearing and the ep just gives a lot of free real estate kingler screentime to drink with my eyeballs, it doesnt change my opinion on the character at all bc ive always loved him this much

the rest was ok just the typical fare for the most part, like tadc rly often makes me so dissatisfied bc it has so So much potential but the ways it kinda just ends up like a dumbed down typical cartoon is really meh. i do love caine though and more proof that hes a non malicious (although maybe harmfully ignorant) ai. his gags almost land for me if they werent really Really lampshaded, i love how much he cares but is incapable (yet) of improving, i thought it was sweet zooble was so earnest with him. like, the whole tadc def improves the less mean spirited it is, for me. which is hard bc the most favoured character is rancid mean disney purple guy.

gghh why is this show so agdidhsifirh (gestures of anger) like its like, much worse ENA or smth but i know theres more that bothers me abt it than that, and i cant grasp it. im stil in hell irl so i cant cohere a lot in general so w/e, i need to chill and let go. i did like the horror trophy head designs of everyone that i could see (i wanted to get a better look at kinglers but i couldnt find a good frame from watching on my phone) like they were super over the top and fun. i wish the settings they travelled to still felt like, even remotely circusy? they truly feel like just we’re in a different cartoon. but its ok i only hate 749374947493 things abt the shows style choices

i want a framed photo of kingler so i could kiss it. or maybe i could trt to makena plush of him. he is my beloved to hurt/comfort. hes wacky and nice and traumatized and has memory issues and i wuv him

[kozykricket]

PL Z-A rough thoughts

okayokay ill write some of my thoughts on PLZA, though this is very unorganized. and not even touching on the title really... besides Z and A being like. end and beginning. future and past.

so at first i assumed it'd be in the FUTURE instead of past (as did everyone) cus yknow, the blueprint style being all neon glowy... and also scarlet n violet setting up the idea of past present and future (though honestly i think ih ave more to write on how terapagos was kinda shafted and i really wanted more on imagination-born-creatures or timelines tbh, or even just more on what terastalizing even is) anyways, i mean. they're both hexagon related... zygarde n terapagos right, uh. what point in time will it be? well, with the amount of evidence ive seen for it being in the past, id say it makes far more sense to take place in the past. HOWEVER heres my crazy game theory: it'll take place in both. theres no way this will come true, but imagine: you are in the future or present of kalos, and lumiose city has ended up devastating the ecosystem, causing zygarde to be pissed because yknow, its whole thing is protecting threats to the ecosystem. and . balance and such so then you travel back in time to FIX the urban planning. you get yoinked to when lumiose city was being built into what it is in the modern day, and ... heres where it gets to Unlikely territory. the gameplay loop would consist of you hopping back and forth, seeing how your time in the past changing peoples minds and suggesting different more eco friendly designs for the redevelopment of the city... effects the future of the city! realistically though itll just be "you go in the past to stop zygarde from getting pissed. but because this is a game and there needs to be a threat, zygarde gets pissed anyway" either way itll definitely be like. surely itll be about "welp, the people designing the city got a bit overambitious and too human-centric, rather than a nice balance of humans and pokemon in mind... but, im genuinely really glad we're gonna get a game where zygarde can shine (and where kalos can shine) because they both got HEAVILY shafted (x2 and y2 canceled, presumably to make way for sun and moon for the 25th anniversary. or to be less predictable) so yknow zygarde just got slapped into alola for no reason really

and i think... the balance of people and pokemon living together in the early days of pokemon society is. obviously something that will tie into the ecosystem ofc

its. all very interesting

im curious what role zygarde will ultimately play though, because like. i thought giratina or arceus would be the main big thing in PLA, and didnt expect arceus to just kinda be guiding you

so i suppose zygarde could end up just being a Guide and you're helping it regain its power or basically filling its role...

id much prefer if we got to see zygarde doing its job, though. in a scary way.

really also wondering how xerneas or yveltal may fit in, considering life and death

my biggest reasoning for thinking we'll visit different time periods of lumiose is ... well, that the game takes place "entirely in lumiose city"

so yeah uhhh anything else im forgetting

honestly i cant really word what im tryna say about how the XYZ legends will fit into the story and what roles they'll play, but i essentially kinda hope it isnt too much of a repeat of PLA. i think zygarde shouldnt be a postgame activity, but rather at the Main Climax of the story. kinda bummed that you just get to choose dialga or palkia mysteriously being angry as the big climax in PLA

[demadogs]

oh please elaborate on your ocs & story if it's not a secret project!

its not a secret project at the moment but i would like it to be one day so i dont wanna share too much! i also couldnt share too much if i wanted to just because its SO new and fresh that theres still so many plot points im still working on. ive got a lot of character traits for each of them but not a lot of the world building. like its post-apocalyptic but i still dont even know why lol. im leaning towards a meteor. something interstellar, not human caused.

basically its a gay mlm love story between a deaf character and a hearing character in a post-apocalyptic world where everythings in shambles. theyre not quite enemies to lovers, more like reluctantly working together and tolerating each others presence to friends to lovers. theyre in their early- mid 20s. theyre traveling long distances together but dont speak the same language. one only uses sign language and doesnt speak or read lips and the other doesnt know any sign language so they write in mud or sand any chance they get and when they take rests he teaches him the alphabet in sign and so they can eventually talk through spelling things out.

they do have names and i have a lot more details than that but im feeling very protective of them and dont wanna share too much lol. ive always had little ocs and stories in my head pretty much since i started reading regularly in high school. id take my favorite traits from multiple characters across like five different books and make my own little stories. its always just been a fun little thing to daydream though. ive never actually considered creating a story with it but when i thought of this one i just got so attached and now i fear im gonna have to actually create something because i cant stop thinking about them!!!!!

if i do, itll be in the form of a screenplay. i see it as a movie or miniseries, not a book. i got my degree in film and have taken screenwriting classes and feel way more comfortable writing in that format. i havent written anything yet though. i have like 10 scenes perfectly crafted in my brain but nothing on paper. i also will have to do lots of research on deaf culture and sign language! ive already bookmarked some sources and i follow some educational deaf youtubers that i plan on watching more of and taking notes. thats definitely the first step. ive just been too busy lately to really start but one day i hope she exists in the world. <3

[r4bidcherry]

had a shower thought that turned into a shower rant so

heres my explanation on why next season (if we get one) having even more queer rep wouldnt be "too much" (this is mostly for like td reddit and twitter cause i know the fandom here wouldnt complain about having more queer rep lol)

(also realized in the middle of writing i drop a lot of hot takes and controversial opinions so uh oopsies)

firstly, the main one we all know, mkulia. they have a lot of chemistry already, hell even more chemistry than most of the straight relationships have had ik terry has joked about it a lot but seriously. and not to talk about queer discourse here but theres this idea that lesbians somehow have it easier to get queer rep, which im pretty sure most of us agree that isnt true lol, and the fact that so many people already think that rajbow is enough and that lesbians just need to stop complaining is pretty gross to see and kinda proves that thats not true lmao, especially all the stuff that terry is saying on twitter and im glad to see that im not the only one that thinks thats weird as hell. honestly most of the time i wouldnt care if i ship i like was made canon or not, however mkulia being canon would be the thing that rajbow shippers love to brag about rajbow being which is a big step foward. ive already made it pretty clear how i dont think rajbow is some godsend that absolves freshtv of all of their homophobic wrongdoings, however my opinion could very well change if we got mkulia because it would actually show me that they actually care about queer rep and didnt just add it in for brownie points. ik ive been sucking mkulias dick but seriously it IS important

secondly, there are like a buttload of straight ships in total drama, like probably even more than the average tv show considering all the characters and the fact its focused on, yknow, drama, having like 3 queer relationships out of like the 40 straight relationships is farrrr from being "too much". weve had even more in the reboot too like chemma, ripaxel, priyleb, we could have some more variety to even it out a bit

thirdly, the reboot is set in the present day. queer relationships are way more common than they were back then and honestly having mkulia and hell even maybe another queer relationship wouldnt be so out there crazy

but also if we dont get mkulia and/or another queer relationship itll be disappointing but honestly it isnt anything to like attack anyone over lol trust me. however it will be my conformation that freshtv doesnt deserve as much praise as theyre getting for giving us the bare minimum lol

[cal-writes]

L A W Z O  for fic asks :)

("Law's 11" for the A question)

L: What’s the weirdest AU you’ve ever come up with?

peww mhh well weird is a spectrum but like i guess based from canon honestly train au is kinda out there considering the source material haha but no its probably hachi/zoro smut zone. which is just "how can i contrive a plot to have them have the nasties sex ever" so thats fun!

A: How did you come up with the title to [insert fic]?

Law's Eleven is a play on the movie Ocean's 11! a las vegas casino heist movie with george clooney that had two direct sequels and a spin off. (oceans 13th is the best) and i thought that fit the vibe. it was a placeholder name but it stuck. and the universe ive started to call ocean's verse bc ocean, the ocean, ocean is the chracters name in the movie, you get it.

W: Do you like more general prompts, or more specific ones?

both can be fun! but i think like general prompts with like one specific hook or a vibe is also cool. really depends what gets me monkey brain going that day, some days itll be nothing and other days ill be like

Z: Major character death–do you ever write/read it? Is there a character whose death you can’t tolerate?

i used to write it quite a lot! i had days as a teen where i was pissed off and id just put my favs through hell and murder them all (super healthy im sure) nowadays i find death weirdly like.. not boring but its just a dead (ha) end you know. i can see it used creatively and i do occasionally but i always think like... theres so much worse things you could do to that character than kill em yknow

O: How do you begin a story–with the plot, or the characters?

usually a vague plot vibe, maybe a dialogue or a scene and then it grows from there

thanks for asking!

for this ask meme

[ipegchangbin]

HOLY SHIT Z WHAT THE HELL⁉️⁉️😟😟🤯🤯

NEVER HAVE I EVER READ A FIC THAT MADE MY PUSSY THROB THAT MUCH‼️‼️🤭🙁🥵🥵😳😳😱😱😱

I READ THAT THING LIKE FIVE 5️⃣🖐️🤯 TIMES AND TMI BUT I GOT OFF ON IT TOO BC DAMN WAS THAT GOOD😝😝😋😩😫‼️💕🙏💕

I WOOOOUULLDD DO LIKR A WHOLE ANALYSIS (hehe analysis 😼😼🤭😛) BUT UMMMM UR GIRL IS HIGHKEY ASS AT WORDS‼️‼️😥😰😱😭😫 LIKE POOKIE‼️😫 I LITERALLY FAILED ALL OF MY ENGLISH CLASSES BACK IN HIGHSCHOOL😀😀😀😀⁉️⁉️⁉️BUT AAAANNNYWAYS WHAY YHE HELL Z 😱😱🤯🤯

THE WRITING IS LITERALLY SO AMAZING🤩😍😝😋😋😋

WHY⁉️⁉️😡😡

WHO GAVE U THE MF RIGHT TO WRITE THIS GOOD😡⁉️⁉️⁉️😡🤬🤬😡🤬🤬😾

BUT FR POOKIE WHAT DO U PUT IN YOUR FICS BC🥴🥴🤤🤤🤤😵‍💫😵‍💫😵😵‍💫😵‼️‼️‼️

THERES BARELY ANY BOYPUSSY FICS OUT THERE WHICH IS DEVASTATING 🤬🤬🤬😓😢😩😫😡🤬

UR MY SAVIOR Z‼️‼️🥹🥹🙌💕

ALSO YOUR ART OF BOYPUSSY HANNIE IS SO FUCKINF DELICIOUS LIKE I OPENED THAT LINK AND ZOOMED RIGHT ON THAT PUSSY AND I FUCKING DROOLED‼️‼️🥴🤧🤤🤤🤤💦💦 GUESS WHO TOUCHED HERSELF WHEN SHE SAW IT❓❓❓THATS RIGJT‼️‼️ ME😻☝️💕💕💦 I NEED MY MF MOUUUTYHH ON THAT JUICY MF PUSSSAAYYYYYY‼️‼️‼️🙏🙏😫😝👅💦

READER IS MUCH BETTER THAN ME🙌🙌🤧🤧 CAUSE IF IT WERE ME I WOULD’VE PUT THAT VIBRATOR IN HIM AND ATE THAT MF PUSSY OOOUUTTT AND SUCKED THE LIFE OUTTA THAT CLIT😝😝😛😋😋🙏🙏🙏 RIGHT AFTER HE SQUIRTED LIKE IM FR GONNA MAKE HIM SQUIRT AGAIN BUT THIS TIME IN MY MOUTH 😋😛😛😜💦💦🤪😍😍😍LIKE THIS TONGUE IS GONNA FUCKING ABUSE THAT ALREADY ABUSED CLIT EVEN MORE 👅👅💦💦‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️DID I MENTION I LOVE CLITS❓❓❓ IF NOT THEN I WILL NOW‼️‼️‼️ I LOVE CLITS‼️🙌😋 CLITS ARE SO FUCKING AMAZING‼️‼️😍😍😜😫🙌 EVERY TIME I SEE SOMETHING ABT STIMULATING A CLIT IM IMMEDIATELY BRICKED 🧱🧱🧱 UP⬆️☝️🆙👆CAUSE IF IT WERE ME I WOULDVE TIED SUNGIE UP WITH A VIBRATOR TO HIS CLIT AND LEAVE HIM THERE FOR HOOOUURRRSSS‼️♾️😝😛😫☝️😋💦 I WOULD SPEND THE WHHOLE MF DAY ON THAT DELICIOUS CLIT ‼️‼️😍😛😋🙌👅💦😽👉👌OH MY GOD I SOUND GAY ASF BUT IDC BC ITS PUSSY‼️‼️😻🫰WHO DOESNT LOVE PUSSY⁉️⁉️⁉️😾😾I LOVE PUSSY‼️‼️‼️😛😛👅😻😽🙌 I WOULD EAT HANNIES PUSSY OUT ALL DAY ALL WEEK ALL MONTH ALL YEAR ALL CENTURY‼️‼️‼️‼️😝😜😜😽 THAT PUSSY IS SO MF JUICY💦💦 WND DELICIOUS AND IS BEGGING TO GET TOUCHED‼️‼️🙌👉👌😋

anyways pookie keep up the good work, amazing writing as always!! <3 🥰🥰💕 (definitely not rereading it for the fifth time and getting off on it…nooooo definitely not… ☺️☺️)

OH YM GOD i just logged in and this is the first thing i see 😭 I FUCKING SEE U ANON‼️ u are very seen

ANON I LOVE U SO MUCH MORE WTF THE AMOUNT OF PRAISE THAT U POURED OVER THIS 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 HAS BOYPUSSY BROKEN US BECAUSE IT SEEMS AS THOUGH IT HAS 😭😭😭 GOOD LORD and to think that this was supposedly just a private gift but mei is kind and i was able to post it … NOW IM SO GLAD I SHARED IT BC U HAVE FOOD TO EAT MY DEAREST ANON 😁

“ure my savior” yo…yo dont perceive me as messiah itll inflate the shit out of my ego /j and give me impostor syndrome /hj BUT IN ALL SERIOUSNESS gosh i cldnt stop giggling u made my day with these compliments like im just Some Guy but because of ur words i am now Some *Happy* Guy

and omg! URE RIGHT MAYBE SHOVING THE VIBE IN AND EATING HANNIES PRETTY BOY CLIT OUT WOULDVE BEEN SO GOOD…but then again…TEASING THE BOY JUST FEELS SATISFYING ‼️‼️ i love hannie and his clit actually i love pussy in general i wish i had boypussy especially boyclit in my mouth rn (in a non sexual casual way) (which was what reader intended) (until y/n and han both went CRAZY)

i wont lie this ask gave me massive eye strain from the emojis /pos like that brings me joy ?! its an impressive thought to know that somebody out there is losing their mind over silly words i wrote and a few lines that i drew. CRAZYYYY thats crazy?!!!

ill keep this entire ask, print it into a booklet form, and reread it as if its a mini prayer guide. i cant anon ure so silly and precious HAHAHAH hope u have the nicest day always!

[devondespresso]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

tagged by @museumgiftshoperaser

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

technically 2, but its a sfw and nsfw version of the same fic fhajklfjdalfjk

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

...6,357. i promise i write.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

just stranger things so far, but i have seriously thought about writing about Fender's gender from Robots (2005) and I promised my friend a Shark Tale fic for their birthday fjalhfdjkalfdj

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Never Again

Never Again (sfw)

fascinating statistics arent they

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

never gotten comments on ao3, i do reply to what i get on tumblr tho because it literally makes my day

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

(including my unposted work) Never Again, tho i think its more bittersweet than unrelenting angst

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

tho its technically not finished, We'll Be Alright (Steve Henderson AU) has a very happy ending

8. Do you get hate on fics?

no, thank god

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

im gonna say no? despite writing something spicy at the beginning of Never Again it was not a good time (for me or Nancy)

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

haven't yet, and while i wont write them off entirely itd have to have really strong potential for me to want to do it

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

nope

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

no

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

no, and i dont know how well id go. on the one hand im usually good at group stuff but im also an annoying perfectionist with my writing

14. What’s your all time favorite ship?

platonically stobin 100%. i dont get nearly as attatched to the romantic ones so i kinda just bounce around the fandom. Really love a lot of the steve harrington rairpairs floating around, plus robin and vickie

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I dont realllly have a writing wip i know i wont finish cause i've just been posting those vague ideas instead of actually writing them becuase i know i wont. My only active wip is the steve henderson au and im hoping praying to god that i dont suddenly loose passion for it

16. What are your writing strengths?

dialogue probably, coming up with how different characters are saying things, what theyre saying, what they mean, all the little differences in their voices, I love it. that and having characters interact with the environment

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

overthinking and underthinking, stopping myself from making something happen or a character do something because theres this pull in my chest telling me its wrong. even just standard selfishness or saying something without the express intent of making sure it wont hurt someones feelings. i also start sentences with verbs djaldjdjaf

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

makes sense if characters are speaking multiple languages i guess. depends on pov and how limited it is to the pov character. like if the pov character doesnt speak spanish it'd be better to write "and they said something in spanish they didnt understand" instead of writing the spanish out assuming the audience doesnt know it either

19. First fandom you wrote for?

stranger things

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

definitely my steve henderson au. i wish it was shared already but at the same time i've editied and changed so much im glad i havnt officially yet. its helped me work through a lot and has even caused noticable improvement in my relationship with my family even if they dont know it exists. i cant promise itll be fully posted soon, but i am so exited for when i do

tagging @stobinesque @marvel-ous-m @eriquin @itsthestrangestthings @findafight @fag4dykestobin (no pressure ofc 💕)

[mental-health-advice]

Hello!

(tw mentions of sh but nothing graphic)

I really dont know if this is the place for this, if so simply being able to write this out is probably helpful. I am in a romantic relationship with someone who self harms (were both 19). This was a thing i knew about before we got together, we were both going through a rough patch then and bonded a lot of beinf able to talk about our problems, i think back then i was so busy dealing with my own mountain of problems and thoughts of self inury (that i luckily never followed through on) that worry for someone else didnt even fit.

While all the resources I can find are really helpful im at a bit of a loss now, ive done everything right, i already had expierience with other friends and myself. They are in therapy and are on the path to healing, take good care of the wounds generally and we can openly comunicate about this and generally have been able to do so effectively.

These last few months however theres been more slip ups than before. I know progress is not linear, and its still much a work in progress (this has been an issue for 7 years, 1 year of recovery is obviously nothing). I am incredibly proud of the progress they have made, last year it was twice weekly trips to the ER, so even twice a month is huge already. also know they wont be able to quit or even signficantly reduce the self harm until they move out, since their family is unstable and does everything wrong (gets angry, threatens with ultimatums, generally extremely scared of their scars).

last few times with a slip up its made me freak out too, I have an anxiety disorder which this now triggers (i used to have a slightly better grip on this) I try to remain calm and helpful for their sake, but its mostly incredibly upsetting im not there to help them, and i know being there to talk helps but ive run out of material ways to help. It also feels like it proves my fear that something will always go wrong, which can lead me to have panic attacks. Ive talked about this with them of course and we get through it together, i really want to be better at keeping a slightly leverer head though. I used to have counceling too who helped me, but since i turned 18 and finished school im now on a waitinglist for adult help, and while talking to other friends helps somewhat its still generally makes me panic, sleep badly and sometimes have nightmares. I really love them, whenever were together we bring out the best in eachother and im afraid if i talk about this too much to people theyll tell me to break up with them.

we have plans to move in together for university next year, which im sure will help a lot (i know they wont magically heal then either, but ill be there as a more sturdy support and theyll be able to access ER, etc without being shamed) and ill have a therapist again then too, so its just these coming months that are going to be very rough. I just never know how to calm myself down, i know its not rational (they are hurt but never badly, they always talk to me about it, their psychologist will generally help too) i also know im allowed to feel sad and scared, i just want to be more in control.

back when i had a therapist she used to talk about trying to stay at my own feelings, not getting dragged down into someone else. But i just dont know how to do that, whenever it happens its just so sad and i hate it. No matter how much i remind myself even after ive allowed myself a period to be sad that itll be okay and they are relatively safe and i see them every week it feels so awful. Its not very tennable to ruin my whole night, next day on this every time. sorry this is sooo long but i feel the context is important as ive gone through a lot of advice, thank u tho.

Hey there,

Whilst I think that it is great that you have been able to help this person for such a long period of time, unfortunately it is not always sustainable no matter how much we would like it to be. This though doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t try if you want to, I am just trying to point out that unless you look after yourself too and put a bit of a barrier between you and this person then it is likely that things may not change or improve for YOU.

I know how great it can feel when we help another and especially when we see such big improvements for the person we are trying to help and support, but the end line is that we can only do so much until we ourself begin to crumble or struggle a bit (which it sounds like you are to some degree) and so I am wondering if you can put some space between this person and you at all to focus on yourself a bit more and self-care may be of some benefit to you.

In regards to this person, any day of no self-harm is an amazing achievement and no amount of set backs or slip ups/ relapses can take these achievements away from them. It’s important to know that that recovery comes from within and so unless this person chooses to and is ready to focus on their recovery then it is unlikely that things will change for them and they will still be in survival mode. This is in no way your fault, and nor is there much you can do about it as we cannot choose recovery for another person, it has to be when they are ready and choose to try to commit. And even then, it’s quite normal to go back to survival mode and go back and forth between recovery and not, this does not mean they are not still trying, but rather they are just human like everyone of us are. I remember in my own recovery away from self-harm I did go in and out of trying to not self-harm depending on how strong I felt on the day and what triggers may have come up that made me want to self-harm, this didn’t mean I wasn’t trying or that, it was just that I was really struggling and the urges to self-harm were too strong to try and fight them.

So, what can you do?

To begin with try to be patient with yourself and this person and know that even when they seem to not be trying, they actually are. Try to put some space in between you and this person to enable you to look after yourself too. You can do this by practising good self-care (trying to eat healthy, doing some exercise a few times a week and trying to get a good nights sleep) and tyring to have some ‘down time’ where you can simply just think about yourself and do some things that you enjoy doing whatever that may be. I know that you may feel selfish and bad for taking some time out for yourself, but if you don’t look after yourself then it won’t be sustainable to help support others and be there for them if you choose to do so.

In regards to how it can make you feel when this person does self-harm or is struggling quite a bit, as your therapist mentioned to you, try to take a step back and allow yourself some time to grieve or feel sad and try to be kind to yourself – I know how it can feel like a loss to you as well when someone is struggling and self-harms as a result, but in reality it has nothing to do with you and how much or how little you are there for the, it is bound to happen anyway and this in no way reflects on you and how good a job you may be doing to support them through difficult times and days.

I know that you mentioned that it can cause great anxiety when they do self-harm now, and so when this happens, again, try to be kind to yourself and do try to take some time out for you. And I know, this is much easier said than done, but it will get easier though with practice and it may also be helpful to check out our page on calming anxiety and panic as well for some more ideas on different coping strategies.

I really hope that this has helped a bit and please do let us know if we can help to support you in any other way!

I’m thinking of you and hope that you are going OK!

Take care,

Lauren