#theres so many more but this is all i could think of right now haha

[ajortga]

always for you

pairing: jenna ortega x fem reader

thank you for your support! honestly i'm so so grateful you guys like my writing<3 this was from a request that i loved making, (especially the texting part.) requests are packed! theres so many more so i won't be checking inboxes till i'm finished with the majority of them! to whomever requested, i hope you like this!

-

can I request another soft!jenna x r?? I know your requests are closed, and you can do this anytime if your free. I can wait.

Where r's phone is acting up but doesn't want to buy a new phone cause r is broke, jenna sees r struggle with the lag and buys r a new phone

-

(shes so cute)

Jenna always thought you were too thoughtful and selfless, you always thought of others before yourself, you gave love to every person you possibly could before you could even love yourself.

You gifted Jenna the new black noise canceling headphones for Christmas, you loved music as much as she did. But even with your immense love, you still managed to have wired earphones, though they were tangled almost everyday. 

There was a day the brunette noticed the way your phone had been acting up. She won’t mention how you dropped it in the bathtub while trying to give your cat a bath, and she’ll leave out how it somehow didn’t crack the numerous times you dropped it on the table or carpet. But whenever she texted you, you’d take longer to respond, apologizing endlessly.

“goodmorning my love! my phone was glitching again, it keeps bringing me back to this stupid dancing vegetable i put on for nephew cash last week. It took me a while to finally get back to messages! i'm sorry:((.”

“oh my god it did it again, now it’s a piece of radish dancing”

Sometimes you’d respond halfway and then stop there too cause your phone would crash

"y/nnnn, baby, i used the damn salt for our cookies instead of sugar and i put so much and i wanted to make a pickup line for you. i was literally pretending you were there and said "you're as sweet as a cookie" and i bit into it and it tasted so salty and i coughed so much"

“HAHA oh my gosh your like the silliest person i know, you literally remind me of-”"

10 minutes later

“MY PHONE CRASHED AGAIN”

“it did it again, it kept bringing me to different tabs so i had to get back in here. baby i can’t even talk to you properly anymore, i think we should-”

25 minutes later

“THE DANCING VEGETABLE IS ON MY SCREEN AGAIN”

"jenna? are you there?"

"i amm here"

"IT'S FRUIT NOW"

"baby 😭"

-

She did talk to you about getting a phone, she knew that you wanted to spend your money on others until yourself. You saved a little portion for yourself, so your portion made you a little broke. But you insisted that if it still worked and was helping the way it was supposed to, it would be okay.

It was funny to her, she would try charging both your phones before you snuggled to sleep together, but she always struggled on charging your phone because it wouldn’t charge.

You could hear her grunting as she cursed under her breath, “You have to use the first charging port and twist it at an 80 degree angle to the right, the phone has to be facing up.”

As it finally charged, she made a small sigh and smiled as she looked at you, softly saying, “You’re always too thoughtful Y/N, there’ll be one day where life will give it all back to you.”

You nuzzled into her chest, “As long as I can make others happy, that’s all I need to make myself happy,” you said drowsily as you rested on her chest. She kissed your forehead as you dozed off, cradling you to sleep.

-

The next day, Jenna got up so early and unattached herself from your grasp, making you make a small noise as you subconsciously looked for her embrace.

The bed creaked as you made a small murmur, looking up at Jenna barely awake.

You yawned, really sleepy, “Where are you going??” You said sadly, a little tired pout forming.

You sounded so drowsy as Jenna giggled, kissing your temple, “I need to pick up some strawberries, we need some pancakes for our breakfast and some other goodies sunshine. It’ll be packed in the afternoon, it’ll be quick, I promise.”

You made a sad noise, your hands reaching up for her and scrunching her arms as she hugged you, taking her giant stuffed animal and letting you hold it.

Soon enough from her scent on the stuffy, you were asleep, snuggling it.

Jenna changed into a sweater, jeans, and wore her headphones you gave her as she was off.

She was going to buy you that phone, no matter what you said.

Her footsteps crunched against the leaves as she listened to her music, getting a new idea as a proud smile sneaked on her lips.

She entered the electronic store, buying you the latest white phone that she had as well. She also went to the head gear section and bought you Sony headphones, a white one that would look so pretty on you. Her fingers signed the signature as she payed with her card, buying you guys two matching phone cases with two black cats on them.

Two hours later she came home, opening your bedroom door as she walked in.

“Y/N, sunshine, I’m here,” she whispered as you made a small murmur again, opening your eyes.

“Mhh…”

A small grin appears on her face as she shows you the new phone and headphones as you stare.

You were so tired you stared at it in disbelief and confusion.

Then you looked at her, your eyes teary as you pouted, “Baby.. Why? You didn’t have to-”

“You deserve it, you always think about me and all your friends hardly before yourself. And you deserve the world. I want you to be able to use your phone and those headphones. I like seeing you happy.”

Your pout turned into a wide smile as you pulled her collar to your level and hugged her tightly.

“Thank you. You really didn’t have to do that for me," you said, your voice happy as you nuzzle into her, not wanting to let go.

“Always.”

“I love you.”

Jenna smiles, her soft lips pressing to your temple, "I love you too."

--

[ender-cloud]

HYDE IS IN THIS UPDATE!!! AND LANYON MY KINGS

Tgs spoilers under cut

Haha, you guys remember that one off comment i made last week

Ha ha ha……. Oh god, I’ll get to that when I get to it. Lets start with more of Jaspers good points and leadership skills first

Jasper makes a great point here.

The Lodgers are the society! They make the magic, the energy, the environment, Jekyll is just the ring leader of it all making sure things don’t get to out of hand, but in the end he had started to have a hard time being able to find that control and keep them in check.

This is why a type of “revolution” like this will do more good then harm in this situation because it will allow Jasper to take Jekylls place of keeping everyone together as the times turn and they need to protect themselves.

But uh… maybe the lodgers might not see this as I do

Ok ok, I get the Lodgers hesitants, Fritz brought to my attention that because Jasper is the newest lodger, despite everything they probably dont have enough trust in him.

Which I definitely get, they are in hard times right now and its hard to trust Jasper, even if they’ve known him for a while they were just betrayed by someone they’ve known for years, how can they trust someone they’ve known for a little over a month (I think)

Also theres a reason why I said that one off comment, not only because it was a trope I see a lot, but because I truly felt like it was a possibility

BUTTTT!! With this it doesn’t necessarily mean that they wont 100% not follow through with what Jasper is saying.

It is clear that they are unsure, yes, but they may need to think it over, and theres got to be a few lodgers who agree with his points.

Some who agree with Jasper that may help the other Lodgers get on board to. If they are truly Reluctant to Jasper leading them because they haven’t known him for long, if some people who they have been living with for years joining up may give them the boost to join.

Jasper made many great points in his speech, and with so many people not everyone could have disagreed with what he said.

I believe this moment of doubt will be just that, a moment, but once other people start agreeing and maybe adding their own points, then it will grow into what Jasper wanted before, the lodgers believing him and letting him lead them in this hard time

It will be the next part of this turning point into someone more confident for Jasper, because while motivating the lodgers with words might be easy, actually forming a plan and leading them through it will be harder, it will also teach him to not give up quickly when things look bad.

Hyde’s just casually acting like he didn’t just have a mental breakdown and immediately just teases Lanyon (I love them so much chat it’s unreal)

ALSO THIS CONFIRMS THAT HYDES MENTAL BREAKDOWN WAS HAPPENING THE SAME TIME AS JASPERS SPEACH!!!

Anyway, back to the actual pannel.

I find it interesting how in Hydes head, he also has a reputation to keep up, its not just Jekyll. The only difference is that hyde has his tough guy, bad boy rep (I hate myself for saying that) He cant let anyone see his weakness, not even Jekyll.

He clearly has mentally trained himself to be able to just change his mood on a switch, but even if he can change how he acts his face has to show some evidence of what happened, i mean we’ve seen him be a little bloody from the glass and Lanyon must have seen that too.

He might be talking about what Hyde looks like when he said he made quite a mess out of himself, not only the glass, which might make Hyde nervous, i feel like he wont be able to keep his facade up for long with how he was acting before.

It’s a little hard delve into the few words they exchanged but im excited for the next update, which may include some blaming of what happened to Jekyll.

(Also more Lanyon and Hyde which I’ll take anyday 🙏🙏)

Happy Holidays Btw!! I hope you have a great Christmas or anything you may celebrate!!

[stitchwraith-stingers]

sorry for never shutting up about how people treat hazel but ohh my god shes my fave character atm.... i get to be mad!! she has good enough information that you can play around with headcanons freely

the only moments people wouldve brung up is when dev is in the episode, there was no reason for the episode that showed her tendancy to overthink and be emberassed over small mistakes by wishing a do-over and over again, having to realise that running away from the idea of creating a problem wont help her in the long run JUST so people could go "omg haha dev has a crush on her" i could litterly not tell you what the general concensious on most episodes are because i dont know peoples opinions on them because in general they dont discuss them beyond his scenes

fanart too, ive personally muted the dev and devzel tag and when i look up #hazel wells i want you to guess how many posts i find that arent hidden! spoiler alert its barely any of them, listen im not saying im shocked at the fact The Characters Made As A Duo are drawn as a duo, its whatever and while im not personally a fan in general i really do get the appeal, but you have to admit that at some point it gets really suspicious when the only fanart you can find in one character is only with the more popular one, over 200 fics in the hazel tag on ao3 and theres only 20! without the dev tag! (10 more then when i last checked, crazy! go read fly bird, fly now), and my main problem is is that hazel is shown to be her own person OUTSIDE of their friendship, infact wouldnt you know it shes the protagonist herself! the fact that most aus ive seen are focused on dev/dale/peri is whats most confusing to me, "oh but theyre so interesting to work with"

really! youre telling me you cant think of a fic / au idea on her own? miss "i was going to have a previous godparent who didnt listen to me at all", miss "i am very anxious and i overthink to the point where my desicions", miss "i had an encounter with my evil shadow self when i was a fairy" (shout out to fairy bound au btw, im a big fan), miss "my mom doesnt fully know how to handle children inspite of being a therapist and tells me im handling things mature so i feel like i should be", miss "with the fact that im terrified my friends are making fun of me behind my back, i didnt know how to talk to anyone and a cafetiria made me so overworried and i speak to my rocks could imply the fact that i was outcasted at a young age", miss "my brother who has been my anchor and i has taught me everything i need to know has left me and hes also struggling to adjust to everything and we were insanely close to the point where the reason this whole thing started is because of him", miss "i regularly help my dad hunt a ghost that doesnt exist but it makes him happy", miss "i am litterly friends with the coolest kid in elementary school", miss "my landlords are litterly doomsday preppers and our parents want me to get along with their werido twins", miss "i didnt even hestitate to kill myself if i had to save potatoes for humanity after i pissed off mother nature", miss 'i got called out on projecting my past bonding expiriences on my best friend by some werid demon posessing her body right infront of me' none of that makes you want to think of something about her on her own? not even a spark of an idea? its almost like you guys watched exclusively 6 episodes and watched 5 minutes out of them at most

hazel is very interesting and shows her own struggles, she likes puns and fries and rocks and anime and horror movies (and apparently mushrooms if you count that one scene), she tries to problem solve so that no one is unhappy (patty being alive so winn wasnt upset, trying to get the band and orchestra together, accidently haunting her house and wishing her dads day was extra special, trying to find a dinosaur she spontaniously teleported his own job), she has multiple episodes showing her insecurities and how she tries to hide it so she doesnt look like a bad person, but inspite of it all is a understanding person and a peacemaker and doesnt like arguments, hell shes even such good autism represntation im 99.9% sure it wasnt intentional at all

dont even get me started on the takes ive seen in the finale, listen the finale has alot to be said and it definatly wont be everyones cup of tea (i think them trying to refrence every episode felt so chaotic personally) but regarding people with the ending is still giving me a headache, "she shouldve used her wish on him" that wouldve been so boring and predicable, say what you want on what she actually used it for but i think you guys should realise that for the kid whos regressing back into his bad copium mechanisms should get to face his concequences, 'hes 10 and neglected so thats why he acted like that' and 'she doesnt need to put up with how he treats her and hold his hand and be his personal therapist' can both coexist, people being pissed that she lightheartly agreed that he fucked up when HE admitted it is crazyyy CRAZYYY (also the fact ive seen someone say 'her moms a therapist she shouldve known' ???)

this isnt even touching on "hazels other relationships like her friends and family arent developed enough so thats why ppl dont care that much" while that is a valid critism i have with the show in general i still dont think applys to what im specifically talking about to demonstrate dale has appeared in THREE episodes (four if you want to stretch it), meanwhile hazels parents have appeared more often and im barely seeing them in fanart "but dale has a backstory!" so do those two have a whole episode explaining how they met "b-but dale is interesting as a role as a villain!" the guy is barely a villain [so far atleast], but also is being a therapist and a parascienists already not an interesting enough? are you guys suddenly not able to make as much headcanons expanding apon them as you did with dale? thats the thing that confuses me the most, whats stopping you from giving random information from your head to anyone else?, (i didnt know how to word this point so hopefully this makes sense)

listen im going to say it right now MOST OF THIS IS DEFINATLY UNINTENTIONAL AND NOT EVERYONE IS DOING THIS ON PURPOSE but some of u guys might really need to uncover some biases on why you think the black girl should coddle the rich white boy when he wasnt treating her well at the time, if that makes sense

[pinazee]

Disco didn’t die. it was murdered!

Psych is one of the best at doing these themed episodes. They change the camera work, the lighting, the background theme, and even the outfits. Like, they go all out and its always fun :)

Look at this smug bastard. I don’t mind arrogance, but i do mind the fake modesty. It made me roll my eyes haha

Now to settle my own curiosity, i looked into all the things shawn and gus point out about the chiefs phrases and grammar.

“I could care less” and “i couldn’t care less” are used interchangeably though english scholars will say the latter is the correct phrase and should be used formally.

“Goes without saying” was originally a french term ça va sans dire and my understanding of it is that it meant more like “absolutely” or “of course” where the English equivalent is more like “obviously”. Either way we can blame the french for this one haha

The chief did in fact split an infinitive when she said “why don’t you tell me how to properly say this-“ Splitting an infinitive is when you put an adverb between to- and a verb. Such as to boldly go, to casually walk, or to gently push. Whether or not its proper english is debated i believe. But if you ask me, it wouldn’t sound right to have Kirk say to go boldly. Just doesn’t have the same ring to it.

Heres a Phil collins/ corbin bersen side by side

Also, obviously the chief never should have put shawn on the case. Not only because henry is his dad, but also because he’s a “psychic” and i would think if they were trying to get a solid legal case against him, they wouldn’t use mr.woowoo. But again, its a cable show so we ignore this haha (but also no way they won that in court?? It was circumstantial at best)

“It was the 70’s, we did what we had to do but only when we knew we had the right guy.” Henry…is kind of a hypocrite? Like hes all about following the rules and especially the law but also thinks it was okay for him to do it because he had a good reason. Okay, maybe to give him a little more credit than that, the fact that hes so nervous and touchy about it (fiddling with the key, shouting at gus) is because he knew the search warrant was bogus and screwed up, but his pride prevents him from owning it outright. So, i like that it ends with Henry thanking Shawn for essentially fixing his mistake. I’ve been kinda iffy on henry this whole rewatch so far, and how he is with shawn aside, i at least know its more important for him to get the right guy (or at least be right) than it is to get a bust for the sake of his ego. Though, now that i think about it, thats really the bare minimum to be a cop so…

Ive said it before, but i like that the difference between shawns tactics and his fathers in getting information from people is that henry will bust through or even intimidate, while Shawn makes them feel good about themselves and in some cases like theyre a part of the team. There’s an argument that shawns way is more manipulative, and i think if we didn’t know him as a person it might come across that way, but instead it comes across as him just making friends with everyone he meets.

Gus thinking his story ends with a wrongful conviction explains him freaking out so much in season 7’s ep Office Space. Theres also a commentary there about this being a genuine fear in the black community which makes me very sad at the state of my country.

NATIONAL TREASURE IS A NATIONAL TREASURE GUS

Now, about shawn spending all their money on the car- i am of the belief that he did it on purpose either to be a stinker or to make it more challenging, or maybe I’m in denial that negotiating is not in his skill set considering he’s ridiculously good at so many other things haha

I just wanted to put their clue spotting side by side because i like that their similar and different at the same time :)

Incidentally my filipino coworkers reacted the same way when i told them my mom called my pookie, to which they explained (after laughing) that a “puki” was ahem, vagina in tagalog. Language is fun :)

This is going to sound weird but this is the first ep that juliet and lassie felt like actual partners. It just feels like their on the same level finally, and that level being a dick to mcnab for no reason haha. But im glad karma hit back real quick for them (also, their treatment from the coast guard was a preview for the next ep, though i would think they’d have met chief vicks sis in the process)

Who cuts a cucumber like this? Its one of the easiest vegetables to cut. I dont know why this bothers me so much haha

I could hash out the henry and shawn argument, but as Gus pointed out, they have this same argument pretty frequently. So i think, yeah, im just going to store it for later.

Okay, correction from my post on Daredevils!, this was the dumbest thing he ever did. He risked so many peoples lives like wtf?? And i was about to say shawn wouldn’t do that unless he had a trick up his sleeve because he did know how to turn it on, but then when no one is looking he is genuinely relieved it worked so he really didn’t think it through and im so disappointed in him. Bad psychic.

P.S

Dulé!

[tsprants]

*infomercial voice* BUT WAIT THERES MORE!

stanley’s wife. the apartment ending. huuuhhh huuhhhh? 😝

based on many other endings in the game, it’s a fairly safe bet that that ending was completely false, and therefore, made up by the narrator! why is it false, you ask? GOOD FUCKING QUESTION!!!! look, a lot of the endings in the game are contradictory, which is fine in of itself, because it’s a psychological game, right? not too focused on story! i think. BUT but but butttt having contradicting endings means that not all of them can be true! picking up what i’m putting down? noooo? okay let me explain (i’m going insane) the apartment, or i think i’ve seen it called the wife/mannequin, ending is where the narrator basically tells us that the stanley parable doesn’t exist. stanley is a boring guy with a boring job and not a lot of choice in what he does all day, his life is a routine. so he starts to imagine stories in his head, adventures and such, and he likes to imagine these exciting things happening to him. eventually he starts imagining all of co-workers, and his boss, just disappear. gone. the thought excites him, so he imagines two doors, and he gets to choose which to go through, and he doesn’t care what’s on the other side, because it’s just thrilling that his choice MATTERS! so he keeps imagining it, and he calls it the stanley parable. buuutttttt massive fat juicy gyatt, BUT he starts having trouble differentiating between this fantasy and reality. the narrator claims that the longer he spends indulging in the story, he’s slowly killing himself, just sitting at his desk pressing buttons and rotting away in real life, living in his head. he claims that he’s trying to help him realise what’s happening to him, but he has a purpose to serve. what’re the implications of all of this? i’m glad you asked even though you didn’t and probably won’t read any of this! which is fine i’m mostly doing it for myself (if you’re reading this through send me a bucket emoji). but back to what i’m saying. firstly, the apartment ending implies that stanley exists outside of the parable. he’s a real person, the office is real (to a certain extent, if the story is imagined then a lot of what we see in the building is false) and the narrator DIDNT create him. in fact, if you go for this ending (which is basically the equivalent of “oh it was all in his head/a dream haha oopsie” in movies) it suggests that the narrator is just a voice in his head, and therefore doesn’t exist. which means there can’t be a script. employee 432/timekeeper, TECHNICALLY, could not exist, at least by a lot of the lore the fandom gives them (i would also like to talk about tk at some point but not rn i think), and maybe even the curator. now, i would like to add that technically, yes, this ending could explain the game. it could explain every single nonsensical thing that happens, every ending, bam! it’s in stanley’s head! but come on, this is the stanley parable. when has it ever been that easy? not to mention, if you try to LEAVE the apartment building during the ending, a brick wall shows up and stops you, and the narrator says “sorry, you’re in MY story now” (hot), implying that yes, the story is in fact his. and just that: a story. not to mention the broom closet ending! again! narrator is a. not human and b. addresses the player! which would invalidate a lot of other endings, very important endings to the game and lore. the skip button ending, the not stanley ending,the zending, all of it would be fake, and (you guessed it!) the apartment ending. how could stanley be both a real person that exists outside of the parable, and have a player? now, that mostly invalidates the broom closet ending, and not actually the apartment ending, but it does show that the apartment ending conflicts heavily with a lot of other endings. so, to summarise, yeah, the apartment ending COULD technically explain the game, all of it. i, however, think it to be false. it just doesn’t make sense to me, and invalidates just so much of the lore for other characters, fandom theories, and other endings

[added ten minutes after i wrote this] OH MY GOD I FORGOT TO SAY SO MUCH okay so if the narrator is trying to ‘help’ stanley what about the countdown ending? insanity ending? games ending? huh? huhhhh? BUT BUT BUT also most of what narry does seems to be reactionary! so can you consider him an antagonist? I DONT KNOW!!! would he be a dictator? I ALSO DON’T KNOW! it’s three in the morning

[system-architect]

ok here's my collected JW thoughts in general. obviously this is spoilers

OK.................................... so i think anet is Back. its not quite "we are SO back" levels but it COULD be "we are SO back" levels depending on what they do in the next installment

they did good, though, and i think the most obvious jump in quality is actually in the maps themselves. they feel so much better than soto maps just to run around in and explore. theres a LOT more detail and they actually feel pretty intriguing and immersive with a lot of fun easter eggs and surprises!

the story didnt always hit for me but it was still overall Better than soto. the first instance alone grabbed me more than all of soto had tbh. the bears don't personally interest me but the mursaat do, and we're getting somewhere with all the bloodstone and titan stuff

i DO enjoy the angle of the commander starting to go kind of lie-lie man acting in personal interests. isgarren is a bitch but we can also be rude to waiting sorrow for no reason oops sorry nice again haha oh man how'd this bear teleport here that's craaazy.. there were points at which i actively lost track of who we had lied to about what and when, and while the confusion grated me a bit it was also funny in a way? like yeah if i was the commander i'd lose track of this shit too right

the commander doesn't have much of a personality technically, beyond "person who does good(TM) things", and what we make of our canon commander's personality is mostly just our own notions and conceptions and interpretations being placed on them, BUT that said it felt like the story did take the commander in some interesting directions for me.

i felt like i got the sense that the commander really is sort of a "free agent" now, which is fun. when you've already killed all the dragons and your life's purpose is TECHNICALLLLYYY over but you're still around and you're still many things to many people, what do you do with your life? this, apparently.

i like us being kind of a mirror of isgarren in the sense that the comm is an ultra powerful guy, with a lot of worldly+scholarly experience at this point, who a lot of other very powerful figures respect and Need, but that not everyone necessarily Likes. yeah this is our free-range deployable killing machine politician who's kind of strange interpersonally.

my favorite instance in the whole story was the one with the bloodstone ghosts btw. i thought they did a really good job imbuing each with a fair amount of personality and showcasing a wide array of perspectives on what happened in gavril-- a thing which i was prepared to not be particularly interested in tbh, and yet...

ALSO, the voice actor for the gavril citizen ghost was SUPER good! i'm pretty sure they were a new VA but i'd really love to hear more voicework from them. in general i felt a lot of the VA work in this xpac banged-- it feels like they got a decent amount of new/fresh talent?? it's been nice, i hadn't realized how stale the world was starting to feel only hearing the same 3-5 voices constantly (no shade towards the longer-standing VAs who DO do a good job, i just wished for more variety)

REALLY liking the amount of unique voice lines and racial dialogue also

features wise its also been pretty good! i like the repeat renown heart thing plus the return of the hearts. as a revenant with a condi set i cant say ive got any issues with the spears LOL. and warclaw is super fun once you get the hang of it-- i like that it has a learning curve and some nuance like most older mounts do, as opposed to skyscale's fairly 'flat' mobility. have NOT really tried out decorating my homestead yet and ive heard mixed opinions on it, so we'll see how i feel there!

[i-sveikata]

what does pete think of PDA? 🧐 like is he an affectionate lover/person? especially when he’s in love or in a relationship? what does pete think of committed relationship/serious relationship? i’m sure vegas is so ready to put a ring on his finger, but is pete there yet? 😳 did vegas ever think of marriage or something like that before pete or is pete his first?

for word game: ring, relationship, lips and heartbeat please and thank you💙

tbh i dont think pda is a big thing in thai culture (or at least of what i've read/ seen) so in terms of his character i think he likes affection but gets a little bit more uptight/ more shy if that affection is given in public. i think he is pretty affectionate once he's in a relationship but what we're seeing from him at the moment is denial that he's actually in a relationship (when we all know that's not the case) so he's intentionally avoiding all of those common relationship practices. ie he's not as relaxed with vegas to initiate the usual kind of casual, affectionate touches that he would normally do. we're not getting the full partner experience from pete yet because hes so firmly in denial of actually being one lmao.

pete isn't trying to blur the lines too far beyond just sex (though of course we know he is giving vegas wayyy more indicators that their connection is more meaningful than that- i mean they practically ran away together lol). pete is a serious, pragmatic person in this fic so id say he applies that same kind of intensity to his relationships once he does go all in- and we will see a bit of a change there when pete does admit he wants to be with Vegas.

right now vegas is immediately prepared to put a ring on his finger and make as many vows as Pete will allow him haha but he is also very aware that Pete isn't at the same level yet- and he's worried about scaring him off by pushing too far. he knows that pete could likely end things in a second when their relationship feels so undefined and precarious- even with Pete enmeshing their lives in a way that reflects how they would behave in a real partnership.

i dont think vegas much considered marriage beyond background idle thoughts because he's never had the kind of serious relationship before that he now has with pete- hes pretty self deprecating in his own mind so id wager he believed something like that was unlikely or not on the cards for him. If anything, if his father hadn't died (and pete wasnt in the picture) his father might have brought it up with the intent to use vegas to secure some potential power alliances through marriage to another powerful family. id imagine he would have found it easier to try and partner vegas with a woman, even knowing that he sleeps with men because mr kan believed himself so in control of vegas that he'd do such a thing out of duty if hed commanded it. and because mr korn wasnt doing the same to his own children, kan would have seen that as an advantage, a way to get more power for their own branch of the family by marrying vegas off and making more wealth connections for them. obvs it wouldnt have happened in this story because by the time pete got into the picture, mr kan was already starting to realise that he couldn't control vegas and he'd already lost out in the role of most important/ most influential figure in his life- vegas had already given that to pete.

for pete it is wayyyyy too early to be thinking about making that kind of commitment right now. like hes so twisted about about how they started out that he can't even admit to them being in a relationship!!! theres no way hes ready for more. and whenever they continue to come across the normal milestones of a relationship those moments are just going to continue to freak him out. i think hes very afraid of making a mistake with this, of being placed in a situation again where he might feel powerless or out of control like he did in the safe house. but hes especially afraid of putting all of his faith in vegas and fully giving him his heart and still losing out/ being betrayed by him. thats why so much of pete is like one foot out the door already. he wants to be able to jump out before the door snaps shut behind him. before any of his decisions become irreversible. which is obviously not a great liminal space to be in. esp if the both of them are finally going to take this seriously and admit what they really want from each other- something lasting beyond the (mind blowing and all encompassing) sex. but i do see pete as the committing type. so the deeper they go- the more likely he is going to be the one who says yes down the line when vegas (finally) turns around and begs pete to marry him. yeah of course here you go!! no relationship mention but yes to the rest!

“What are you getting from him?” Pete demands, because he refuses to go in there without at least knowing that. “Tell me now.”

Tankhun sighs, but relents. “A ring.”

“A ring?”

\

Vegas’ catches at his chin to make it easier and Pete opens his mouth, a lazy, imperfect meeting of lips. The mood feels languid and easy but Pete’s quick to notice that Vegas’ lower half is still shifting. Still rocking lazily into him.

\

He’s looking at Pete.

Pete pauses at the sight, heart beating a little faster at the expression on his face. He doesn’t know what Vegas is expecting him to do.

“What-?”

“Show me.”

[anachronistic-falsehood]

yes hello I would like to order one jrwi. haha. anyways ur actually gonna make me start listening to this shit I can’t do this I can’t take more pain whiskey stop making it look enticing

HI HELLO!!! HI. jrwi is a rly fun ttrpg podcast and i've only listened to 2 of the campaigns so far but they're SO GOOD. the patreon is the main place to watch/listen to the episodes but people have put together youtube playlists of the video versions :3 i'll give u a couple of them here if u want :3

prime defenders- FAVOURITE ONE RN BECAUSE I JUST FINISHED IT. it's about teenage superheroes!!! starts out as kind of a sitcom-esque series where the stakes are very low. but then the stakes get high. and things get dire. and just. soooo many things happen. like it goes from zero to one hundred REAL DAMN FAST. and then it somehow goes past a hundred in season two. every character is so fucking good and i love them all and i think u should watch it, it's got 64 episodes total and there are a couple of oneshots in that playlist too if you want to listen to them!!! bizly dms this one and he's sooo fucking good at doing voices and stuff i love every single npc <3 HIGHLY RECOMMEND WATCHING THIS ONE TBH. ITS SO FUCKING GOOD.

the suckening- VAMPIRES IN LOS ANGELES BABEY!!!!! this one is the first one i listened to and it's what convinced me to get the patreon so i could listen to the rest. this is a google drive of audio recordings from the final seven episodes (the first five are available for free on their youtube and spotify) but i can def put together a playlist of the youtube versions and send it to you!! this is just what i had on hand. anyway it's so fucking good. literally parts of this had me crying laughing. it's a comedy horror and it's SO GOOD. charlie slimecicle dms this one!! it's got 12 episodes total right now and theres going to be a season 2 :3

blood in the bayou- again this is a google drive but i think there are video versions if you'd prefer and i can def make a playlist and send it 2 u :3 this one is 4 episodes so if you're looking for something to just dip your toes in u can start with this!! i haven't listened 2 it yet but it's a horror and it's got lots of blood and gore. and bugs! lots of bugs. i love bugs <3 i need to listen to this one. also dmed by charlie

apotheosis- this one's a youtube playlist!! dmed by condifiction!!! i don't know much about the plot of this one personally but i think it's about a team of three people, one of whom is trying to kill, god, another of whom is trying to become god, and another guy who i think is just. there to be a fucking nerd. i know barely anything about apotheosis but i DO KNOW that two characters canonically have gay sex. i have watched the gay sex scene.

there's also riptide which is their publicly available campaign thats fully up on their youtube and spotify!!! it's dmed by grizzly and it's about pirates. i have not watched it myself yet because it is like. over a hundred episodes at the moment??? it is a large undertaking but i will brave it eventually. i have heard from very reliable sources such as my mutual mac that it is very good. i personally rly think u should watch prime defenders :3 it's very good :3 it will not grab ur heart and rip it into two pieces :3 trust me

[swifty-fox]

Hello I’m here to say that I love KFAK so much that I had to come follow you on tumblr (I’m the reader that re-read the whole series on my lunch break yesterday LMAO). And I am once again reading on my lunch break and I wanted to tell you how much I love your use of the dog motif for Gale. It’s really giving Mitski’s “I’m your Man” and also is breaking my heart. There’s so many layers to Gale as a dog both in his yearning for his John and in the way he’s been beaten yet loyal. So fitting.

Also I just wanted to say that it was really nice coming to your tumblr and seeing that you’re also a lesbian like OF COURSE only a lesbian could have the third eye opened vision to write such a good WW2 homosexuals fic. I was just joking with my good friend (who hasn’t watched MOTA but who has heard all about John and Gale) that even though MOTA is a “dad show” that I know there are fellow lesbians out there who have watched it and been blessed with sight to see the romance between the lines—and I was right!

Thanks so much again for writing and sharing KFAK it’s probably my fave fic in the fandom (followed closely by “in our bedroom after the war” by sterobone if you’ve also read that) and I have now read all 500+ fics in English so I’ve been able to discern real quality here.

All the best! If I come back with more KFAK analysis/thoughts, well, I apologize in advance 😅

omg yesss hi!! I hope you enjoyed the reread. I post snippets here all the time if you wanna read the 'kingdom for a kiss' tag or my swiftywrites tag! you'll find some stuff that hasn't been posted yet there :)

I just love dog motifs in general, I think there's something so intriguing about them!!! I think about my dog who will bite someone for trying to move her and then with me I can shove my hands down her mouth, hold her upside down, do whatever and she accepts it. Thats Gale to me <3 He's just such a fascinating character to play with

LMAO theres so many gays in the HBOwar fandom frrr. I've been into these shows since I was a teenager but never really got involved in the fandom until now! Something about the yearning of the time period just hits in the lesbian feels idk.

haha @stereobone and I are friends :)) I also think their fic is amazingggggg and one of my faves! i feel like we explored similar themes between the two fics (though mine takes an opposite direction in the fixing up a house motif) it happened independently which was pretty fun to be like oh! same hat!

please come back with more thoughts and analysis I love it!!

[your-local-uwu-artist]

ALIRHGTY finished season 6!

OMG so this was just THE jay season

ughhdgaanksdka okay heres my htoughts

-I liked that both nya and jay kept their memories of the events. I also like that Jay got to make mistakes and improve from them. Like yeah, it's easy to see him as someone that could fall for nice-guy/incel type mentality, what with the whole 'guide to wooing woman thing'. it calls to mind his 'true-potential' episode, but delving into it a lot further. and it was really neat to see his characters insecurities come to light and watch him react to and learn from his mistakes. I really got the feeling that Jay was afraid of nadakhan. which made his evveuntual defeat more satisfying. I REALLY liked the scene where Nya pushed Jay through the portal. it not only felt like she was getting to take her power back but also Jay talking with his parents was a great scene. very nice story structure wise as well.

-speaking of great storytelling woagh SO many good scenes. one that comes to mind is Zane and Nadakhan's encounter with the chess. litterally fucking brilliant visual storytelling. it's simple but god does it work

-clancy was his name right? the pathetic snake guy? voice actor fucking slayed that role. anyway. dang I hope we somehow see him again.

-nadakhan was almost as good a villain as chen! a lot less of a fun viallin then chen was but that's more like a villain genre differnece. anyway. he clearly had a couple layers we didn't get to see, def has severe daddy issues. like Daddy Issues tm we're talkin. I'm also very curious to know what the truth about Dellora is. like, what with how he acted towards Nya (which my god wow I know he's a bad guy but damn this fuckers like, fucking horrible. disgusting even.) so I thought that he didn't actually care for Dellora at all but then why would he have a locket of her? and when Dellora was like revived(?) throguh Nya and Nadakhan was all like 'i can give you anything you want!' and Dellora said "i jsut want you'- idk, something about the line delivery... I just got the feeling that perhaps much like his daddy issues he may have had relationship issues as well. I think those small things made him more believable, like so he wasn't just this stand in figure for a bad guy. I think the main strength of ninjago villains in general is that there are both litterally powerful and threatening but also tend to be very manipulative, so they present an emotional challenge for the characters as well

-I REALLY loved Jay gathering his 'replacement ninja' allies. I really like rag-tag teams saving the day because the main heroes are unavailable ( haha you guys will never guess my favorite mlp 2 parter [sarcasm] )

-Gosh though. that ending. damn can't believe Nya and Jay just have to like- move on with life now? after being traumatized and shit?! excellant! can't wait to read angsty fanfiction about that later

-ummmm that's all from the top of my head. haha I'm sure theres more thoughts in there but for now

guess its time to face day of the departed then. haha wish me luck guys!

[prof-peach]

Hello! I love the website for your electus comic it’s so clean and easy to follow! I was wondering if you host it on a website or make it from scratch? A lot of webcomic sites don’t have any information on how they were made and I certainly don’t want to copy anyones design, I would like to start posting a webcomic online one day though. Are there any tips you could give to someone new to website creation. Right direction to start in for example?

Ah im glad its easy to navigate, but I will be honest with you, I date a graphic designer who handled the whole build for me, because I so much as look at a computer wrong and it freezes up on me :')

The good news however is I watched them make it, it seemed very intuative and simple, and they were able to teach even me the back end, so adding pages is super simple. It is hosted on SquareSpace, and it comes with templates, easy to use tools, and because its so widely known and paid for, theres SO many tutorials! It's very easy to do with a small amount of effort to wacth some videos.

You can pay varying ammounts per year (and month I believe) to host, which I do, to make it available to all who want to view it without costs to them. Its not for everyone, and is from what I recall, roughly £160/$200 a year for the domain I use, though there are varying packages and prices. Many creators choose to use comic sites like tapastic or the likes, as its a free version, but due to legalities, artists have been veering away from that to protect their creations.

Honestly, I think theres a lot to be said for youtube tutorials, people have been swearing by squarepsace for yeaaaars now, and the interface is very simple and easy compared to other web building options (wordpress im looking at you, youre terrible)

While we did not use templates or preset fonts (partner made it all custom to make it unique) the site offers SO many good options that can be edited to suit your needs, so no need for complex processes if its an option you choose to go for.

Sorry I couldnt be more help, im a huge technophobe, anything electrical seems to hate me haha

At least you have some names for things and can dig further from here, good luck bud! you got this.

[peacockrulz]

dont say sorry we love the paragraphs!! tbh i cant stand a lot of md fanfics because of how they characterize uzi in particular, they just do not do her depth justice. and you're so right about the narration too. its so subtle but a lot of great fics go above and beyond to take narration from just describing the world to actually representing a characters perspective- literally and figuratively. hostile takeover is a masterclass in it tbh. its actually inspired me to try and get into writing for md because you need to be the content you want to see in the world ig- im starting with rp rn though because i find that to be the easiest way to get into a characters head, ya know? also your dollxn piece made me physically ill (positive). im shipping them now but exclusively in the way your fanart is framing it (also great song choice listening to it and staring at the art really sent me) - juzi anon

I think a good narration is like, an unspoken art when it comes to writing. I LOVE fics that make a point to have the characters thoughts be a part of the narration; It speaks volumes to how that person write the character themself and can even make for some really impactful dialog thats not even spoken. I think the biggest strength of Hostile Takeover (from the chapters I've read!) is its ability to make a character's narration show the subtle, unseen things about the characters themselves. (Which is why I love J's chapters so much, J puts up such a large persona that being able to read the thoughts she actually has is so!!! arugh!!!!!)

Also: I'm glad to see you taking an inspiration for writing, I've honestly thought many a time to force myself into writing fics just because theres so many ideas I have that I do not have the time or skill to illustrate lol. I actually started posting artwork because I wanted to see more fanart for my own rarepair!!! And I can understand the whole roleplaying thing (I haven't roleplayed canon characters since my.. *shudders* MMO days /j) I grew up on roleplaying and still do on occasion! (OCs I mean haha) I think its a great stepping stone to writing full blown chapters and stuff, all about practice or whatever!!

oh and: I'm glad you liked that piece lmao. N x Doll is one of those ships I thought about for 2 seconds and went "wait no I get it.". I've honestly thought about making more art of it just because its left such a impact on my skull. (ITs... the only enemies to lovers you could HAVE with N canonically w/o messing w/ his character and i am OBSESSED)

[cheryxshug]

i need to think more about my hollyleaf au. there are so many fun hcs that ive thought of that i can literally make whatever tf i want

this was supposed to be a thought post but it turned into a hollyleaf ramble. enjoy .

holly has reflective time travel powers; though she cant alter anything. its essentially just being a ghost in another time period than the present. need to think more about How they work, whether it manifests as dreams or waking visions or if its a will sort of thing

yellowfang plays a significant role in her powers; a sort of guide almost though there is resentment. i feel spottedleaf and yellowfang juxtapose eachother, spottedleaf is definitely a sisterly (not motherly. sry. yellowfang is the mom) figure to hollyleaf. they can relate to one another regarding their relationships with starclan but better yet, spottedleaf is gentle and patient.

a less thought out plotpoint is fallen leaves and flametail. unsure if flametail is a reincarnation of sorts or if the two were sort of merged upon flametails death. i need to reread hollyleafs novella and solidify my opinion on fallen leaves but whatever it is i Know fallen leaves and hollyleaf are not romantic; if anything its trauma response attachment . whether or not i keep fallen leaves and his stuff as is, flametail will be relevant. ive thought before of him having involvement with the dark forest, if he has shit with fallen leaves i imagine he "made a deal with the devil" (haha kitty cat satan hawkfrost) in order to be granted some sort of resting place other than the tunnels. this brings him to hollyleaf (whetehr this is related to his jayfeather resentment im not sure) who hes been ordered to recruit. its possible that hollyleaf accepts (—> dark forest trainee under a false identity —> meets ivypaw —> bond forms —> neither of them are evil —> ivy is unaware who she is until she returns for the great battle).

lots of trains of thought but sol could also pose as a dark forest recruiter, he failed to persuade hollyleaf however. the difference is in their tactics; flametail provides emotional connection whereas sol offers power. hollyleaf values one over the other

hollyleaf is very aroace to me . shes experienced crushes and genuine love but nothing that could reach her. willowpaw/shine was her first attachment when she first wanted to be a medicine cat, when she still held such faith in the code. it was moreso an admiration/longing than anything but cinderheart? cinderheart grew up with her, there was always something there though neither of them ever got the chance to directly address it. they both knew, and they knew eachother knew but there was a sort of solace about that silent understanding and connection. it was nice. but with hollyleaf gone cinderhearts only option was to keep going, something hollyleaf had seemingly already done herself

hollyleaf and cinderpelt are very close in starclan. cinderpelt knows hollyleaf better than she would've guessed after all that time living through cinderhearts experiences. she feels for hollyleaf, and shes there whenever hollyleaf is ready to reflect. after some time hollyleaf has begun to know cinderpelt in return and the two form their own bond. cinderpelt helps hollyleaf reach cinderheart when the time comes and the two reconnect often in her dreams.

theres more trust me. leaf and squilf are so so so significant but i cant verbalize that right now. thsi wasnt even supposed to be a Post post it was just one sentence at first.. i will go more into depth with lionblaze and jayfeather as well when the time comes

[mmuffncakes]

Do Dagan/Rayvis, since it’s your fault the tag exists

youre right,... it is. but also your fault cause you wrote it for me <3

but!!!!

so originally i had it as a ship just cause "haha, lorge tentacle man + power bottom twink make brain go brrrrrrrrr" when i first saw them. but the more and more i played, and after playing several times and reading more lore and watching rayvis's reactions, learning his motivations and such (im a whore for rayvis, im not sorry), the more i realized that like...

this is *such* a toxic ship, in the best way possible. i know that sounds fucking whack, it is. but hear me out:

obviously, theres a power dynamic situation going on. dagan has control over rayvis completely due to rayvis's code that he follows through to the end. and rayvis? not happy about it. mans is PISSED that he not only got BESTED, but then got bested by someone who went missing for over 200 years. he could have said "fuck it, dagans dead, im free" but he spends his entire life seeking out what santari hid away because he REFUSES to break his code. and most people would assume death to a humanoid man after so long but he refuses to give up.

now, when we DO see the two together, its not just the code that rayvis follows. rayvis and dagan still share the same goal: tanalorr. but rayvis has just gotten infinitely more tired over the years because he wasted away in a prison for so long and then hunted down a man he could only hope was still alive. so he's just wanting to SEE tanalorr again since he'd first gotten there way back when. but with so many delays (and annoyances: peek cal and bode), the exhaustion is finally getting to him. but he refuses to give up on his and dagans dream.

on top of that, when we see them together, there's still this sort of scorned married couple on the brink of divorce. the lines "say that again and i'll cut out your tongue" "...it'll grow back" lives rent free in my head. rayvis KNOWS dagan can best him, kill him in even. but he doesnt. why?

because dagan likes the power/control too much. he likes it too much when rayvis kneels in front of him, confirming his loyalty and doesnt care that rayvis tenses when he leaves the room. dagan likes it too much that rayvis is still walking on hands and knees for him because of his code that rayvis so desperately wants to break but doesnt because he's too honorable of a man. and dagan uses it to his advantage. but there is, i think, a small amount of him that hopes that rayvis TRIES to break the code he has. dagan wants him to fight back, actually have no honor, break it.

"break it," dagan will whisper into rayvis's ear. "i know you want to." and rayvis wont, no matter how much he wants to. because that would only prove dagan *right*.

this ship is so like, toxicly co-dependent of each other. holding each other over one another in a way that just MMMMMMMMMMMM feeds me in a way i didnt think it could. they are messy, and toxic, and TERRIBLE for each other but FUCK mmmmMMMMMMM do i love it

that answers the first two questions last one is fucking "do i have an unpopular opinion" NO, its MY SHIP i have aLL THE RIGHT OPINIONS

still love your fic thooouuuggghh <3 (blow u lil kiss)

[bizlybebo]

Life is strange spoilers just in case bee tee double you

Theres one scene where max goes back in time and tries to save chloes dad and make sure he never dies but because of the butterfly effect, in the present chloe is slowly dying because of a car accident that disabled her a few years back and she asks max to kill her with an overdose because shes in pain every day and her condition is fatal and then when max fixes the timeline and lets chloes dad die and the worlds back to how it was before max hugs chloe so hard and is so grateful shes alive and chloe has no clue about any of it but max tried to make chloes life better and it seemed chloe was just doomed to die no matter what

Anywayz do u think this could be demonkicks or ghostkicks

RAHHH I WATCHED THIS MOMENT BACK IN LIKE 2021? WHEN RANBOO STREAMED LIS OKAY

this could absolutely be both of them augh. i think dakota could try to go back and save william from that first fall, or go back and save ashe's mother.

i still have pretty little knowledge of this game but like if dakota tried to save ashe's mother. there's so many ways that could go wrong. what if instead mark got killed, or ashe was never able to fight the trickster off (i like to think it was the shock of her mother's death that made it possible for ashe to fight off the trickster the first time), or maybe she did fight it off but it took her far longer and she sustained far more injuries, etc. or maybe ashe just straight up died because she wasn't lucky enough to have somebody there waiting to save her who was experienced enough.

and i think if it's ghostkicks then dakota would try to go back and save william from falling that first time. like imagine being 16 and falling off a cliff but some mysterious stranger boy randomly grabs your hand and pulls you back up and he's like 'haha yeah i was just in the area'. of course i think william was destined to become the whisperer but if he didn't and dakota became his friend after that, dakota would probably still try to pursue the hero business and william would be like a 'guy-in-the-chair' for him but would end up dead in the midst of a conflict and incapable of coming back. since he never got those powers yknow.

AUGHGHGH youre exploding my brain with this now actually. this could fit both of them super well especially cause all dakota ever wanted was to fix things for everybody and be a hero and do what's right and bear their burdens for them and aughgjkwntm.

all i can imagine is dakota coming back to both of them after fixing the timeline and just. hugging both of them so hard AUGH

[my-castles-crumbling]

hi cas, reg kin anon back already haha

(again, cw/tw for medical stuff and complicated family dynamics)

firstly, thank you for your supportive and kind words, they really do mean a lot to me (and everyone else you help; youre genuinely such a wonderful person and deserve everything good in life ♡)

i think ive come to the conclusion that i havent really processed the whole situation yet, honestly. even though i wrote it to you, i havent actually said the words out loud about my mother's diagnosis (and honestly writing them out again is a struggle haha, like my fingers are blocked from doing it), and it kind of feels like saying it makes it real? does that make sense? i dunno. it feels so impossible to imagine my mother being genuinely sick with something so serious. 'my mother' and 'cancer' dont fit in the same sentence.

but i didnt really realise until now just how major of a major life event this is for everyone and everything. because (and remember, i have a very complicated relationship with my mother. i once defined it as 'i dont have to like you to love you' and i think thats really relevant to now, too) my mother was going to help me with moving out (both buying things ill need, as well as actually moving out on the day) but she told me yesterday that ill have to go out to get things myself because she physically cant right now. i didnt think id mind so much, i like having my own independance and doing things myself, but i went out today to buy everything i need and i was struggling so much more than i thought. i genuinely almost had a breakdown crying in the first shop i went to.

honestly part of that was because i had no idea what i needed or where was best to get it or what any of the fancy words about different types of stuff meant (like, who even knows what depth their mattress is to buy the right bedsheet?? what is a tog??? whats the difference between a bath sheet and a bath towel?? they look the same!) but also because that was something we were supposed to do together. i dont like her and theres so much about her i want to change, but theres a huge part of me that was looking forward to a parent/child experience that so many normal families have, especially because i didnt get a lot of other typical 'growing up' moments with my parents due to how my family is.

part of me, in all honesty, considered waiting to move out, partly so that she could still be part of it, and partly so that i was in a better place emotionally to be able to handle the change. but if i were to do that, id have to wait another year (im moving out to go to university, and i already put it off last year to get a job instead because i was scared and anxious about university) and i dont know that i could go a whole extra year stuck at home. theoretically, i could afford to move out and rent (or buy, if i went to one of the cheap areas) when i felt ready in however many months time, but itd be a huge drain on my savings and would be nowhere near where ill be for school the following year so itd be a waste of money and time. itd be stupid and silly for me to put off university for another year, but i did consider it. i wont, but part of me is scared and wants to.

i met up with my older brother for lunch while i was out (who, sticking with the black family dynamics, is kind of like the andromeda of my family. he moved out 5 years ago to break away from the family and rarely comes home, and is probably the one person in my life who i feel genuinely comfortable and safe around) and we talked about it which was nice, especially considering my family is typically very much a 'do not talk about your feelings at all' sort of family, and as a whole we have not discussed anything further about my mother's health or how we're all handling it since that first conversation. he was super gentle and caring and honestly that in itself made me want to cry a bit because hes just so not at all like our parents?? idk who raised him but i wish theyd raised me too hahaha

but anyway, he was really open and supporting with me. he talked a bit about how he was feeling (which was super validating, because he was also hit hard by it and had complex feelings about it all) and he was really clear too that if i needed anything at all, i could always go to him and would always be welcome at his flat if i needed time away, even when i move out. (seriously, who raised this perfect older brother????) basically he was everything i needed in that moment and i am really genuinely thankful he exists, so at least my parents made one decent thing haha

still, though. i think its starting to hit me now just how many things are going to change and, as selfish as it is, how many things im going to lose and miss out on because of it. i dont like my mother, but i want her there to help me take that next step in my adult life, yknow? she, nor my father, have explicitly said she wont be able to help on moving day, but its not likely, and theres no way on earth i could ever ask whether she will (again: selfish thinking.)

my brother did mention, though, that the type of cancer our mother has is apparently one of the worse types if it isnt caught early enough. as far as i understand it (which isnt much, honestly, i dont understand much with medicine), she has cancer in her abdomen and its usually caught too late to get rid of. i didnt know this until today, i think our father didnt want to worry me? but i dont actually know how far along the cancer is (which stage it is? i think thats the right term) and i dont know at what stage it becomes too late. my brother also didnt seem to know, but now thats put a new worry in my head because my father explicitly did not mention that to me, so of course my brain has jumped to conclusions about why and what that means. im trying not to spiral, but ever since i found out about her diagnosis, i dont actually think ive gone ten minutes without 'fuck, my mother has cancer' or something similar going through my head, and restarting the breakdown id just pushed down again.

as expected, my sister was already making inappropriate jokes about it by the next time i saw her. i spoke to my brother about this too (hes cut contact with her entirely, like i plan to) and that was part of why he offered to let me stay with him if i ever needed; to escape our sister as much as our mother. i dont understand how she doesnt care a single bit. i know shes never got along with our parents but like, at least have a little decency and sensitivity?? she was literally laughing about it and i just... i dont get how someone could be such an awful person. sure whatever, she doesnt have to be upset if she really doesnt care, but thats crossing a fucking line.

this is getting to be another long ask so im gonna stop here for now, but before i do i just want to say thank you again for being such a safe place for myself and others. you are so, so wonderful cas ♡

- reg kin anon

Hi hon ❤️❤️❤️

I know there’s not a lot I can say right now to make you feel better because unfortunately I don’t know the future. I don’t know how this will turn out and neither do you. But I want to say again that your feelings - all of them - are okay and valid and none of them are bad or shameful. It’s okay to mourn the things that you might miss and it’s okay to have mixed emotions. No feelings are right or wrong here, and I’m here when you need to vent. Also I know move in Day will be hard but I’m so proud of you for continuing to prepare for university.

Sending so much love ❤️