#theres nothing open. i dont know
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feeling so strongly like i will not ever find a job where i wont be highly uncomfortable in some respect or another
#heart2heart#i wish my brain wasnt so broken i wish HS wasnt my highest schooling but i dont have any way to solve that#i dont have any skills and the sort of thing i want to do might not exist. i want to be in the background. i dont want to speak to customers#i dont want to help with hotel check-in. i dont want to have to pursue other people about their appointments#i wish libraries werent impossible to get into#i wish libraries werent the only place i think i might be happy and i dont even know that for sure#i dont think ill ever be happy in any job#i cant think of anything that would be doable that i would be capable of#or that exists. i would like to try with. like. a CAT boarding facility but i guess those dont fucking exist or no one ever leaves those so#theres nothing open. i dont know
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Someone killed my boss last night and he sent me this I'm so fired
god I can't wait to make this comic.
#not me making a prelaunch link so I can share it on art of them that I do and then immediately being like hm#feels kind of weird to link a comic that doesnt exist yet#HAHAHAHAH#theres just no pleasing me#oh well I'll stick to my guns. I thought about it a long time#and doing things that feel weird is kind of the name of the game when it comes to making art#we were legion#zagan#this is so funny to me#its like not even that funny but#I love him. idk I think because I know what the comic is gonna be like stuff like this is 1 million times funnier to me#he sucks so bad and it would suck to read if he were the only one in the comic but because luciel is also there#then its just funny. cause juxtaposition#I love luciel too but theyre less good for standalone drawings and memes without comic context#so my brains like erm... theres nothing there....#also my tags are bugging out when I type them on the ocmputer idk how to explain whats happening but its kind of annoying#jumping around all over the place. makes it hard to read while I'm typing them. its fine#if theres typos its cause somethings going weird with my computer#lately when I've opened firefox its just shaking all over the place#til I alt tab out of it and back to it. I have straight up no idea why#and my internet has been bugging out. the LAN connection keeps flickering and then going out...??#YES I switched the ethernet cable connecting the modem and the router NO I dont know whats going on#I dont wanna deaaaaaal wiiiithhh customer serviceeee its fine. I'll do it later if switching the coax cable doesnt help#uh. anyways none of that matters cause I can still make my fuckin comics babeyyy#as long as I've got my comics. I'm good. though it is annoying when I cant look up references or spelling of words cause I do that constant#but its fine!#love I can draw without internet I dont even notice when it goes out sometimes aughajkghagj#anyways I'm super excited about this comic and if you're intereted theres a presave link now so#yeay#I'll post places other than webtoon but I'm just doing webtoon early so TTA readers can switch over easier
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@vulpixisananimal sifstem art jumpscare!! more specifically i got bored and decided to mess around with sif and mal's outfits.
#my art#this is how I think theyd present themselves either in person or in headspace. the slouchers <3#sifs outfit is simple; the boots i always give them (but with star laces for funsies); loose sweater; simple pants#the pants are Meant to be jeans but isat doesnt Specifically Have Jeans so. theyre just Pants.#the sweater is slightly looser bc sif doesnt seem like a Form Fitting Clothes kinda guy to me but hes Trying to be more open#on particularly good days theyll roll the sleeves up or wear a sleeveless one methinks#even if everyone Knows abt the self-harm scars its hard to Look at them.#i also associate them being more open with them not wearing an eyepatch. esp bc hes the only one of the three to go without it#for mal (or 'ami' as i like to call it) i wanted smth reminiscent of a mourning outfit bc mal du pays means homesickness#and i picked 'ami' as a nickname bc ami means friend :] at least according to my basic translator. i dont speak french <3#ami's outfit being dark is also reminiscent of the inversion thing its got going on in canon.#ik the veil is starred in the original but i think ami would want the fewest reminders of home. on account of The Issues#(actually if i can come back to sifs laces sif also has issues with reminders of it bc of the memory loss but the shoelaces are His Choice—#—which gives them a form of control over it and they can keep it subtle or undo it if he wants. which makes it easier)#anyway. i put amis hair in an updo and smoothed the hat bc i think ami wants to be Unremarkable. Unknown. so it keeps its silhouette Simple#(it still keeps the pins. theres smth comforting abt them. they shine like stars and theyre not stars and theyre not Home. but theyre You.)#and i kept the long hair i gave loop. dont ask me why its so long when the canon hair is short. maybe their hair kept growing over the loop#OH and i drew ami in a side profile bc Silhouette and also bc i think itd make an effort to keep people away from its blind spot#andddd i think thats about it? plus i actually managed to keep this one within a reasonable timeframe.#if their hair changes lengths/the proportions change between drawings. no they dont 💛 peace and love and body craft#OH AND YOU FINALLY GET TO SEE WHAT I MEAN ABT SIFS BOOTS BC THESE ARE THE BOOTS I GAVE THEM ON MY REGULAR DESIGN ARENT THEY NEAT#i did actually try to give sif a different font but nothing Works for them like the pixel font. i cant explain it.#i think 'ami' would be a nickname that mira gives it. bc. shes Fantasy French. and its a sort of 'youre more than your yearning/loss' thing#me every time i think abt sifstem: yeah they just rotate in my head. nothing major#me every time i talk abt sifstem: oh hey im almost at tag limit again#au Good what can i say
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hello people who live in my phone. why did my computer take a dozen screenshots of the Minecraft video settings menu instead of the game while I was walking around taking pictures of the house i built? I'm sad :(
#this is a joke. i dont care to know but i Am sad. i built zephyr and renards house bc i needed to figure out its layout.#i wanted to show people but No my computer thinks the fucking pause menu is more interesting#Like TBF i have modded this bitch. a pretty decent amount. this could very well be my fault#i didn't build an exterior i just did the interior#its the worse looking thing ive ever built#ie an extremely accurate depiction of those white on white on white remodels that have no definition or soul#white carpet white walls white ceiling. grey or tealy blue furniture. You know the vibe#So boring theres nothing to object to when you look at it.#Anyways their house is two stories 3 bedroom 2 bath with a basement sunroom thing a small finished attic.#Lots of places to get separated and hide out from eachother#Open floor plan in the main space though. I didn't make it large enough for the living/dining/and kitchen to be completely separate#still a fucking massive house#for two guys with no family that can vist and no desire to have kids#they dont need that much space
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Are saint's eyes naturally Heterochromic or is that just when Ascension Mode is on
Bold of you to assume there's anything natural about Saint actually..
#ask#anonymous#hes a cursed undead spiritually enlightened old lesbian#theres nothing normal or natural about that creature#anyway saint doesnt open his eyes unless doing the ascension so i actually dont know#hes not blind he sees somehow as a weird echo creature does#cartoon logic also works#i like his cryptid energy...
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trying to go through the fallout tag to see what people are saying about the show and to reblog my silly little gifs but all i can think of is that tweet thats like "yall would fuck a fence if it was white"
#txt#like if you want to fuck the ghoul thats fine whatever thats not an inherent bad thing dont twist my words#but the fact that 99% of the tag is about the ghoul or shipping him with lucy and theres barely anything about maximus#we all know why this is happening be for fucking real#if maximus wasnt black the fandom would be obsessing over him as their pathetic little meow meow babygirl i know it i just know they would#his character is at the very least just as interesting as the ghoul and yet hes barely talked about i hate you all so much#maximus sweetie you deserve soooooo much better than this . punches a wall#i love him so much and find him soooo interesting i think he is such a great character and then i open tumblr and. next to nothing#disappointing but are we surprised? unfortunately no! how fucking sad is that!!!!!!!!!!#fallout
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they werent lying that knuckles series barely has knuckles in it
#i pirated that shit Btw just so we're clear. also gonna talk about it a little bit in the tags#nothing too spoilery but also might not wanna read if you want to go in knowing absolutely nothing? idk#anyway he WAS a main character still he was present for a decent amount of the first couple episodes#but the amount of screentime he gets just starts dropping after that . hes barely there at all in the second half ???#and it feels like theres a lot of scenes mostly focusing on wade and his problems and not near as many for knuckles and his whole deal#overall it feels more like a wade show with knuckles in it than a knuckles show with wade in it. which sucks#and human characters having plot relevance isnt the problem here i dont mind human characters at all i think they can be really fun#its the fact that the human characters are taking over the story and spotlight when the show is called knuckles#and all the marketing makes it look like knuckles is the main focus#and i also would have preferred if they just went with a differnet character to be knuckles' human friend#because i dont particulraly care about wade. and the knuckles (and sonic and tails) i know would not be friends with cops </3#well at least the story wasnt knuckles training wade to be a better cop like a lot of people were expecting but thats like.the bare minimum#also aside from the issues relating to knuckles' screentime (or lack of screentime) i thought the ending was unsatisfying#regardless of all that though there WERE some parts i enjoyed or found kind of funny or whatever. because knuckles so cutesy as always#knuckles being a cute little guy is the most important part of the show actually#and i liked the parts with sonic tails and maddie even if they were only there for like 5 minutes#(i really wish those three had gotten more screentime. i feel like they could have easily worked in at least one more scene with them)#and its a minor thing but the opening sequence is cute. was honestly expecting just a title card or something#overall the show is just . kind of okay i guess. not the worst thing ive ever seen but still disappointing ? idk how to explain..#my expectations also werent very high in the first place#so maybe im being a bit more generous than i would have been otherwise. idk#and i definitely would not recommend this to anyone who already dislikes the sonic movies . youll probably hate this more#like people who thought the human characters got too much screentime in the second movie would lose their minds if they saw this
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i shouldve played pokemon violet in spanish....
#on top of being good practice i bet it wouldve kept me more engaged....#but if i restart now#what if replaying the same stuff makes me disengaged again but in a different way.....#i have not touched the game in months and im not even halfway thru it argh.#i wont touch it today anyways i have to clean a bunch of shit. but still i find time to agonize over inconsequential things#adddna#also to be clear 'im not engaged' doesnt mean its a bad game. it means im a shit ass gamer#i am. NOTABLY. bad at engaging with games the way that youre supposed to.#its a miracle pkmn sun & legends arceus went as well as they did#but alas. the amount of free choice in violet makes my little pea brain confused#legends arceus was my max capacity for open world story driven games i guess.#'dont you own breath of the wild' i sure do. i havent played it in over a year i think. maybe 2!#and girl you KNOW i am even LESS close to halfway thru that one#'hows spore different' theres not a story im just encouraged to fuck around! its like an art program. to me :)#meanwhile in violet and botw i cant draw on things. i cant make a little guy of my own. &i can barely play dress up#im supposed to be entertained by GAME mechanics???? in the VIDEOS GAME??? and not just creative tools and/or linear narrative???#bull shit . game mechanic of skill is nothing but agony for sydney. the least you could do is give me a good consolation dress up game.
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In my JD era
#heathers the musical#jason dean#jd heathers#heathers#freeze your brain#ive been through ten high schools/they start to get blurry/no point planting roots/'cause your gone in a hurry/#my dad keeps two suitcases packed in the den/so its only a matter of when/i dont learn the names/dont bother with faces/#all i can trust is this concrete oasis/seems every time im about to despair/theres a 7-Eleven right there/each store is the same/#from las vegas to boston/linoleum isles that i love to get lost in/i pray at my altar of slush/yeah i live for that sweet frozen rush/#freeze your brain/suck on that straw/get lost in the pain/happiness comes/when everything numbs/who needs cocaine?/freeze your brain/#freeze your brain/care for a hit?/does your mommy know you eat all that crap?/not anymore/#when mom was alive#we lived halfway normal/but now its just me and my dad/we're less formal/i learned to cook pasta/i learned to pay rent/#learned the world doesn't owe you a cent/you're planning your future veronice sawyer/you'll go to some college and marry a lawyer/#but the skies gonna hurt when it falls/so you'd better start building some walls/freeze your brain/swim in the ice/get lost in the pain/#shut your eyes tight/'til you vanish from sight/let nothing remain/freeze your brain/shatter your skull/fight pain with more pain/#forget who you are/unburden your load/forget im six weeks/youll be back on the road/when the voice in your head/says your better off dead/#dont open a vein/just freeze your brain/freeze your brain/go on and freeze your brain/try it#Spotify
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I may seem very picky but honestly, despite having themes or dynamics i like or dislike, I'm able to love everything AS LONG as it has fixed dynamics of my preference.
No "switching as default", no "i used to too but now i will bottom for whatever reason", no "I'm bottoming now but I'm topping next time", no rapid character change just because there's stereotypes around what bottoms or tops act like. No. Just character preferring to be the bottom and default being seen and wanted as a bottom. That's it, that's all I want to be happy and all over someone's idea.
BUT IT'S SO RARE
#i had yby in mind but honestly its so many chars#yby jzx and lxc for example as the fixed bottoms#wkx as fixed top#honestly the whole 'switching is default and the only way to have a healthy relationship' bothers me#switching is as much of a preference as top/bottom exclysivity#irl i can only be a top otherwise the idea of bottoming turns me off even repulses me from the act#that got TMI but its relevant to my point#ANYWAY oftentimes i wish dynsmic based ship names returned#like difference between yexie and xieye or wenzhou and zhouwen etc#it saves so much time#and heartbreak#like this way id immediately know theres nothing for me to read#rather than click open 20 tabs then skim through and then close them after its the usual dynamic i dont prefer#or worse get invested and then get my day ruined when the sex scene happens#yes ruined because im Like That TM#hcs
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household objects i am afraid of
magnets
tape measures
blenders
the floor
light switches with unknown purposes
the garage door opener
#i know magnets dont do this but im always worried that they are going to pull all theiron out of my blood#also they kill electronics#also neodymium ones can rip apart your body trying to find each other if you accidentally eat one#tape measures are just scary all around#they have SHEET METAL (sheet metal cuts are not fun) that moves rapidly and uncontrollably#AND your fingers can get stuck in them#bad#blenders. do i even need to explain#im not scared of the floor as much as i am avoidant of it bc my feet are too sensetive and it feels like walking on spikes#light switches scare me bc our house is very poorly made so theres a bunch of switche sthat do nothing or weird stuff#one of them turns on the garbage disposal#one of them turns off the power to upstairs#its weird#and im scared of the garage door opener because if the springs break out they have enough tension to literally blunt force kill you#it almost happened to my grandpa once#apuff's inane ramblings
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.
#really randomly fell down a weird rabbit hole today#i was watching the X-Files and finally felt like reading up on david duchovny#like i see u fellow slav what kind of slav are you#so i opened up his wikipedia article and saw that his dad was jewish and from ukraine and went like AHA WE ARE THE SAME#and just out of curiosity looked up the place he's from because im curious about jewish shtetls in the ukraine#because my whole family except my biological father is from several of them and i thought hey maybe they were neighbors#which they fucking are omg theyre just 20km apart#my greatgreatgrandma is from makhnivka which i even found articles and history about and how the jewish population grew & declined#even though i did not find any steinbergs in the archives#anyway when i read up on Berdychiv where duchovnys family is from it said#early settlement by the Chernyakhov Culture#which was an archeological culture between 200 and 500 CE existing at the same time as the roman empire#....... is this how i finally find out where my name is from??????? like?????????#i wish i knew so much more than i do#like i only found out that im not russian i was just born in russia like 7 years ago or so??? because my mom never tells me anything#all the information about my great great grandparents and where theyre from is from my grandma#and her dementia is really bad now and shes just angry and screams and calls people names#my russian is too bad to properly read up on stuff like that and theres barely anything in english or german#i just want to know idk#but genetic testing is too expensive and also very america centric and the only family i have in the us is super conservative#i had to block them on facebook when my grandma made me write to them once over 10 years agl#and i know a huge chunk of my grandmas family moved to israel too so i dont want anything to do with that either#although id be curious if it would actually find my half siblings i found out about also like 8 years ago#i just wish there were more archives and more people i could talk to about this#on my grandfathers side theres nothing really left#my grandfather passed suddenly and apparently before he did he took ALL THE FAMILY PHOTOS AND DOCUMENTS somewhere to maybe digitalise them#but we dont know where so theyre literally gone for ever#but his whole family was from kiev and is apparently named after this culture era#his dad was a higher up at a sugar factory and i still cant find anything#my grandma had so many cousins and they were so interconnected and knew so much and i literally just have my mom and no one else
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God I don't wanna go to therapy tomorrow. Sick of talking about my feelings in a clinical setting. I do enough psychoanalysis just by myself, and now I gotta sit through it with someone else??? Come on.
#speculation nation#i say as if i didnt submit myself to this and am not willingly paying for this to continue#idfk man ive always hated therapy. just kinda kept it going bcus i was so messed up about the whole grief shit#and i guess it's been maybe helpful. i dont know.#SHOULD i mention this tomorrow? i already know it's ass and entirely undeserved#if i did it'd mostly be another source to complain about it. theres really nothing anyone can say to make it better#bc it's bullshit and it already happened. and i already have the objective proof of yet another person losing interest in me.#... i dont know. i feel like it's inevitably going to come up. it's already taken up so much of my thoughts.#my every dream last night stemmed from it all. it was such a fitful night of sleep.#i can only pray that i dont dream about it tonight too. i want a fucking break from it all.#i hope she loses sleep from guilt. i hope she hurts every time she remembers what she did to me.#i hope she comes around tomorrow so she can see the face she kissed and she lied about loving#so she can remember im a person with feelings too. a person who opened up to her. a person who trusted her.#............ okay maybe i should talk about my blatantly vicious retaliatory remarks with my therapist.#i tried to reign it in but Bitch Mode definitely came out earlier today. when it was fresh. and i just wanted to make her Hurt.#i still want that honestly. i want her to truly regret doing this. to be filled with so much guilt for how she chose to do it.#i cant change her feelings. no matter how much i might want to. but i sure as hell can make her regret it.#i feel like im allowed a bit of petty bitchiness after this bullshit. but i also dont like the person i become like this.#anger issues. perhaps i should talk about my anger issues with my therapist.#easier than just rehashing the whole breakup. though i'll probably have to do that some too.#but better to have a goal for it. a direction to focus on. so that it's not just me complaining.#... it still wont be fun. and my ex mentioned coming round an hour after my therapy ends for dropping the shit off.#so Assuming she actually shows up (still not convinced she will after she flaked on me twice)#it's gonna be therapy and then seeing her right after. god it's gonna suck.#i'll try to do some homework maybe. and then maybe see if anyone wants to hang out later tomorrow.#my friends r the real ones. hanging out with me for 7 hours... they traded off between them but still#for 7 hours i was not alone. and that was very nice of them to do.#good things. positives! focusing on the positives. i am a healthy person with a healthy outlook on life. smiles.
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Me? Having a meltdown due to stupid changes in the work scheduling process?
More likely than you think!
#personal#work rant#vent#whatever its called#probably scared the shit out of my partner cause i was holding it together#and then they asked me what was weong#and i ended up crying on the kitchen floor for a half hour wanting nothing more than to quit#wish therapy was this week ngl#i felt good last week and it was wasted then....#if it werent for the faxt my partner is in the house id started smoking again#im fucking done#yeah no actually im not done ranting about this#we used to get an email from the scheduling team email address#and we replied 'no changes' or outlined whar changes occured in the current and upcoming weeks#now we use a stupid ass centralized program for scheduling that shows soft booked things etc without telling your its softbooked/tentitive#so it LOOKS like i have work for next week but really that file isnt in yet and i wont know inless i open the file.#which you dont do unless your starting the file so like!?!????#instead we are supposed to open every single file on our calendar for the next three weeks to see if they are actually in or not#follow up with the file manager on an eta#then 'contact resource management'about any changes#but then say give various ways to contact them#teams email d365 etc#but heres the kicker other than d365 theres no longer a general resource management contact so you have to reach out to an individual#and i dont know the individuals? so i dont know who to contact?#and if i process changes through d365 its per file#so if im making a change on 5 files its five request#the new system was supposed to make things easier and reduce the scheudling work as its non chargable#instead its increased the time needed and made it a clusterfuck of methods across the board#a centralized system with a bajillion work arounds to make it function
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I wanna scream. How can a restaurant be this fucking filthy and the manager ENABLE AND ENCOURAGE IT
I shouldnt have to come in after days that I don't close and winder what I'm gonna have to clean. I shouldn't have to wipe down dirty tables from the night before. I shouldn't have to spend TWENTY MINUTES sweeping up shit from the day before.
I get it, you switch jobs to somewhere that doesn't have as many cleaning requirements so you lax a little. I do. Hell I've laxed a lil from the standards of one store I've worked at. But there's a difference in not scrubbing the ice bin everyday and not FUCKING SWEEPING OR TAKING OUT THE TRASH.
This is just one shitty thing about this place. I'm not talking about the improper food storage, or the lack of expiration dates, or the lack of food handlers licenses, or food not being kept to correct temperatures or the fact that are cleaning rags aren't being washed. That's a completely different set of issues. I'm talking about the absolute bare minimum in terms of cleaning. Because I know that this place has mopped front of house maybe twice since it opened 2 months ago and both of those were within the first 2 weeks of opening.
#rant#the fact that none of these is expected of me so doing it is goingbabove my wage is wild#im expected to clean the windows and the bathrooms#which apparently doesnt include taking the trash because that is rarely done when i dont work#im sooooo glad i have orientation for a new job friday#at a big place so i know theres cleaning standards#every restaurant has there violations that they choose#some have less than others#but fucking hell this place takes the cake#times like this make me miss my old job at starbucks#where even 3 years after that location opened it still looked like it was in its first week#where the daily weekly and monthly cleaning tasks were actually done#and i know that isnt all starbucks locations but it was ours#our tiny town starbucks was rated one of the best in north texas for multiple things within the company#fuck that store manager for blacklisting me i did nothing wrong
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Augh
#ive been through ten high schools they start to get blurry no point planting roots cause your gone in a hurry my dad keeps two suitcases#packed in the den so its only a matter of when i dont learn the names dont bother with faces all i can trust is this concrete oasis seems#every time im about to despair theres a 7/11 right there each store is the same from las vegas to boston linoleum isles that i love to get#lost in i pray at my altar of slush yeah i live for that sweet frozen rush *slluuurrpp* freeze your braiiinnnnn swim in the ice get lost in#the pain happiness comes when everything numbs who needs cocaine freeze your brain freeze your brain go on and freeze your brain#care for a hit? does your mommy know you eat all that crap? not anymore when mom was alive we lived halfway normal now its just me and my#dad were less formal i learned to cook pasta i learned to pay rent learned the world doesnt owe you a cent your planning your future#veronica sawyer youll go to some college and marry a lawyer but the skys gonna hurt when it falls so youd better start building some walls#freeze your braainnnn suck on that straw get lost in the pain shut your eyes tight till you vanish from sight let nothing remain freeze your#brainnnn shatter your skull fight pain with more pain forget who you are unburden your load forget in six weeks youll be back on the road#when the voice in your head says your better off dead dont open a veiiinnn just freeze your brain freeze your brain go on and freeze your#brainnn try it bum bum bum bum
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