#theres not enough..... but ill take it....
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Update, turns out those two different scenes are part of these "leaks", but the criticism stays the same; the details are different in such an obvious way when comparing them -im not talking about drawing style, but the ways objects are depicted in different ways. For example, I thought the right one could be a real one or closer to it as the suitcase follows the description we got in 430 -on the sides there are white spaces in a particular geometrical shape, shrinking at the end of the sides, and has some other details under it. In the left one we get a clear rectangular white shape with nothing under it, getting bigger and taking the whole space. I still dont know how Izuku's face looks so wrong in both, or why in the same "chapter" we would get even less details in a scene just to add some more in the next page.
No matter what happens, this is still a sloppy job where we jump to different qualities from page to page, and never getting the actual level of skill the author has shown previously in the same volume.
There are some more backgrounds with more details too, but a big part of it doesnt have that at all making it feel weirder; the moments that look better are because the light work improves, but still there are scenes with worse shading than others in the middle of it -the ack of consistency cant be justified by not having enough time, as this probably was one of the chapters with most time to work on ever in BNHA.
Idk how much pressure there was, im not part of that world and ill never get what it feels like, but theres no way to consider this a great close to the series both as a story and as art -the bad anatomy doesnt make sense to me, as some stuff like Deku's finger going down weren't typical mistakes (even as a complete beginner you just had to go out of your way to depict holding a glass like that).
I don't see BNHA when I read whatever this is, I see repeating chapters 428-430 in order to quickly tell us Ochako's character isnt completed unless she tries to date Deku. Its repetitive, we go back to the past and reverse the characters (both Izuku and Ochako live in the past, even if they are trying to accomplish things everything they do turns out to be an act tinted by guilt and shame over the war according to these "leaks") without saying anything new besides what look like little character fun facts.
The lack of All Might and Wonder Duo makes this feel like it isnt BNHA, like it could never be that in the universe "431" suggested.
What if it's confirmed these aren't real pages and we've been upset over some fanart???
Like this looks like hori's old art style (or in some panels not at all like his art??) Like here's his re-draw of that one Deku scene compared to a scene in the epilogue
like??? He's had so much time to work on it,so why would it look like his old art style? Especially if we can expect to see THAT (on the right) in the same volume??? Something is fishy here.
like the only people confirming this is real/cannon are leakers,and even some of the Japanese fandom is confused/upset about this. I haven't seem any of the official announcements for this,and a TON of the pages are missing. Like they're meant to be 30+and there's only like what the same ten going around?
If these were leaks they wouldn't be so high quality and they would,y'know,look like hori's art style? I know I said some of it looked ai generated,and I still do think some panels do,but this really feels like a different manga.
Story and art wise this feels empty and disconnected from the series. Like it's the exact opposite of what happened in 430. Like Hori decided that he hated Katsuki and forgot all about literally everything to do with Izuku and Katsuki's relationship?
He said he didn't want a naruto ending,but he decided to give us one in the epilogue??? He said he wanted an ending like heroes rising,so he decided to contradict the whole damn movie for this epilogue????
Nothing makes sense about this. I have hope this isn't official,but honestly I'm starting to give up on Hori,and I don't like that. I always trusted him to write what he wanted,but what I've seen and read doesn't seem like Horikoshi's,it's not mha. It feels like a dudebro wrote this.
Like Izuku is so emotionless in this. It's empty. He's empty. And I'm supposed to believe this guy drew all of THIS and decided to go back on all of it with a few pages????
this is just SOME of the recent stuff. So why the sudden change?
I really don't think this epilogue is going to be official,I HOPE it isn't,but I haven't much of a reason to think Hori wrote/drew this horse shit. Besides leakers saying so. And I don't really trust them very much,so I don't really have any reasons to think this is cannon.
But only time will tell.
#grrr talking#bnha spoilers#ngl my crack conspiracy is this being a punishment to leakers for leaking the chapters so they could learn to respect the release dates lol#like- it would be so funny- imagine they just made another ending just to fuck with ppl and taking away everything ppl could love the serie#for#like- no dad might no dadzawa no teaching moment no fight scene no villains (to empathize with) no villains (to fight/catch) heroes have no#no future wonder duo doesnt exist deku prefers to be a teacher and sometimes be a PH taking himself into account means he has to talk to oc#ochako while blushing but they dap and dont confess so no actual 100% canon izuocha no kamijirou no momojirou no endeavor (some ppl love hi#him okay?) hawks looks ugly af no hisashi midoriya no plus ultra no with your friends you can do anything no I want to be a hero and help t#to change things no breathtaking artwork no scene that makes you emotionally invested#who is this for? maybe for the ones that wanted some gag scenes?
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yaoi propaganda irl...
#ok i finished going thru the tags for mac and cheese content#theres not enough..... but ill take it....#im sad tho bc twitter search stopped working... what if theres been more fanart in kr fandom too#+ en fans who dont have tumblr#i think i might have to draw 1 more thing for them... just get 1 more out before i never draw them again KFJJSJ#me holding hands w the handful of clowns who got too attached to cookie npc yaoi#*INHALES* I WISH THEY WERE POPULAR SO THERED BE LIKE THOSE RLY GOOD KR TWITTER ARTISTS WHO FIXATE ON THEM AND DEDICATE THEIR ENTIRE ACCT#TO MAKING COOKIE BL FANART OF THEM#speaking of which i miss milkyam... theyre playable but theres still not enough content... there can never be enough <3
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if i said i picked up this issue for anything but drunk erik i fear i'd be lying
(Wolverine (2020) #3)
#xmen#xmen comics#krakoa#magneto#ok fine logan can get a tag too. this IS his story after all ja/lkLAJVEAVKLJ#wolverine#snap scans#i should read the rest of this run but its like 47 issues i think so. gonna take some time with that#spliced up the panels so its easier to look at everything. and so i can frame drunk passed out erik on my wall#someone uploaded some of the first page some time ago but 1.) i forgot to rb it 2.) it didnt include the rest of the scene#it ESP didnt include erik fallin face first on the table and his lil sleepin face on the next page like please im gettin cuteness aggressio#im so miffed that these are printed on the same page cause i woulda framed this spread otherwise like PLEASE#this shit got me GIGGLING SO BAD i cant. 'dare i say it .......' he's so unnecessary i love him so much#he's so silly ..... also someone said it best in that whenever erik's drawn like a bug it's the best thing#like look at him. that's a beetle. that's my little beetle and i love him i need to put him in a terrarium and watch him#honestly theres a LOT of things i have scanned and wanna share however i have to do it. Reasonably so to speak#in that i dont want to accidentally drown out all my doodling with comic scans jvEALKVJEAKL#maybe i'll do it sandwich style ... art -> scan -> art -> scan etc etc#that does remind me i have a doodle i wanted to do today. so maybe ill do that and share another thing i got scanned ....#unfortunately i do very much love reading the comics. a troublesome thing cause theres so much i wanna share and talk about#like from this issue too i love how hank describes what charles' mutation feels like#its not a grand thing but i love it whenever charles' telepathy is described and how it effects him physiologically#maybe hank was just Theorizing what it feels like but still ... i love that insight so much .....#i'll share that quote another time- i prob won't scan the page cause it's just a text log but i will say it was from here dont worry#ok ive rambled long enough BYE im gonna go draw charles
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Every once in a while I think again about the end of Thriller Bark and feel completely insane and ill about Zoro's sacrifice, FOR LUFFY, specifically (you know, the character Kuma's threat was directed at). It wasn't even that long into traveling together, a few months maybe, yet Zoro was ready to give up everything in that moment - in the chapter with Kuma appearing being titled The End of the Dream ! - to protect his crew and Luffy, so he could continue in his journey.
Since Luffy and Zoro met, they always understand how words and promises were imporant to them - with Luffy punching Helmeppo in ch. 3 for lying to Zoro. Zoro learnt how serious Luffy was about his dream, and soon he realized he backed up his words with actions as well - untiying Zoro and giving him his swords back - his biggest treasures. It meant that Zoro could be honest and honor-bound in the same way to Luffy, to gain this mutual respect and trust between them since day 1. To wield his swords to protect both Luffy and later their whole crew, and to step in a way between Luffy and danger.
He was being actually more upset that Sanji got up from the previous Kuma's attack and interrupted their fight - Zoro was trying to keep the whole crew safe by this exchange for Luffy's head - if Sanji was offering his life for Luffy half dead and without much strength left to fight for himself (he started the offering of his own life already believing he woudn't survive, with a "you should find a new cook"), then this very specific sacrifice would be meaningless to the crew (- if this arc was taking place post WCI, then it would turn out very differently, with the strength of Sanji believing in Luffy, but it wasn't his moment during this scene) - it would hurt them more than help them, because as much as Zoro was prepared to die as well, he was prepared to keep fighting until the last breath.
Zoro was thinking he might die - Kuma's words were pretty certain he WOULD die - but he still had the willingness and strength to take on the deal for Luffy, for his captain and his crew. ("if i die here, it just means I wasn't worth much to begin with" this line he says times and times again during the overall story, like in Rogue Town throwing Kitetsu and waiting if it would cut off his arm, up until standing against King in Wano "it's my power that was lacking", and all the other times he was questioning his worth - it's something he tempts the fates he doesn't believe in, to actually harm him, to take his strength away if he doesn't deserve to survive. and it's him saying he knows and accepts his own weaknesses - of not being strong enough (in comparison to Sanji in this example), and always fights through them.)
He threw away his swords, including Wado Ichimonji - literally throwing aside his and Kuina's dream, to compell Kuma into a duel (with the anime playing 'The Very Very Very Strongest' when Zoro bowed down and pleaded Kuma, offering him his head instead of Luffy's) so Kuma wouldn't go after the crew and specifically Luffy later - no matter the outcome if Zoro would surive or not.
And then, he was actually strong enough to survive taking his captain's fatigue, agony and pain! Possibly being the only one who could survive taking Luffy's pain.
Zoro could have back out when Kuma offered him the 'taste' of the pain, with the realization of the scale of the hurt with the very possibility of dying from it. But that wouldn't be Zoro now, would it? He accepted and took all of Luffy's pain so his captain wouldn't have to suffer or die, and when they found him afterwards, he still kept standing, tense with the fatigue but alive! (again, with anime adding the music of 'Luffy's Fierce Attack' to underline the importance between these two).
He was training for this since the beginning - to become stronger to shoulder the pain of his crew if necessary. (And not only that - he was preparing for that so another Kuina incident didn't have to happen). He was the first one to fight one of the Warlords before anything really began: his fight with Mihawk at Baratie really set the tone and his own goals to overcome - a glimpse to see on how much different levels the Warlords actually were in comparison to Zoro, Luffy and the others, and if they were supposed to beat them so Luffy could become the Pirate King, that always meant to be ready and to get even stronger than them.
(small spoiler for egghead, ch. 1102: seeing Kuma (a Warlord at that time) remembering this Thriller Bark event later, during Egghead arc, and thinking that even he might have passed out from the pain, makes it all the more meaningful that it was Zoro who took the pain and withstood it - establishing how high was the strength of his willpower, already before timeskip.)
There could be so many other nuances and details from these last few chapters of this arc, and even what this deal meant for the following arcs! Zoro was still in pain on Sabaody, and because of that the crew wasn't as strong as it could have been (not to say they would have a chance anyway, knowing what all was in the motion).
The next is the tragedy and beauty of LUFFY never finding out about this. Half of the crew knew: Sanji, Brook and Robin knew the details, but would never tell Luffy - and that shows their loyalty to both Luffy and Zoro (and Zoro's decision). Luffy woke up and first thing he did was to jump up and down, excited not to be weighted down by his injuries, and only seeing his swordsman being down with injuries so severe he was out more days afterwards, knowing that something else attacked them (him = Zoro), after he was passed out from the fight against Moria, brought down his mood (even if it's not much noticable, but the change into subtle worry is there in the few next chapters).
"I can't explain it either!" - meaning he was thinking about it too, possibly how weird it was for him to move normally after such long fight. We don't really ever hear/see Luffy thinking about something, except when it's mentioned how he came up with a solution or idea, telling us there's more to Luffy than just being straightforward in his goals and speech. With Luffy being sometimes very emotionally intelligent when he wants to be, he could have figured it out from all these other people in the room asking similar questions and deducing. Even Usopp was putting two and two togehter. We might never find out if Luffy actuallly knows or not. Luffy probably wouldn't ask Zoro directly, especially if Zoro wouldn't tell first and didn't want to talk about it
- because for Zoro, nothing happened! Nothing, that would compromise his and Luffy's first promise. For Zoro to become the Strongest he couldn't back down from the duel with Kuma (just like before with his duel with Mihawk at Baratie. When he's faced with something he swore to overcome, he can't back down or evade. Even back then Luffy understood that as he held back Johnny and Yosaku, but Sanji was perplexed how far Zoro (and Luffy) would go to reach their dreams). When Sanji was asking him in front of Kuma "What about your dream?" Zoro was still thinking about his dream- it was just that the context has changed, it changed into a journey. His dream is the most important thing, but it wouldn't mean much, if, when on his way to accomplish that, he would betray his other words and promises.
#I will never get over how this very important “nothing” happened!#the first draft of this was just a shitpost with one block of text. but it seems im incapable of not adding more and more on top of it#one piece#roronoa zoro#gif:op meta#monkey d luffy#monkey d. luffy#thriller bark#zolu#luzo#kuma#bartholomew kuma#mine#gif:op manga#one piece meta#gif:zolu#one piece analysis#everytime i go into the thiller bark tag and see posts blocked bc of the other ship. i take 10points of damage ://#can we talk about how this was zoro's deal for luffy? can we? i know theres posts about it. i made few too. but theres still not enough....#for how this moment was big. for how kuma had a memory of it even in egghead. and zoro was the only present one there (after the ursa shock#insane and ill about it yeahh never gonna shut up about zolu thriller bark#luffy one piece#zoro one piece#long post
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....I just wanted to draw gators :T at this point these 2 are more 'a representation of my last 2 brain cells' then they are actual characters 😅
#im living vicariously through the cartoon guys#because i want to A. pick up gator (strong man style)#and B. ..pick up gator (hug)#ok but so i recently found out an area where i take stupid little walks for my stupid little mental health#has! GATORS!! (potentially. theres signs.)#and this is great cause seeing gators would def heal me as a person#but ok so when i look for hiking places i always look north cause the terrains more hilly#but now im lookin south more cause turns out i AM in fact far enough south to see gators!!#and yeah looks like theres a handful of nature reserves w hiking trails the same distance away as the little mountain trails i go to#its flatter and the trails are less extensive so ill hafta see if i think its worth it#but then too theres a really big black water swamp that.. further away then i wanna drive..#but also i drove 5 hrs once just to go to mammoth cave as a day trip so.. we'll see..#my friend says he wont go w me tho :T he'll just report me missing#this has been a tag ramble about my sudden outset intrest in seeing a gator#my bullshit#lol barely but still#also- i told myself not to over do it drawin the scales or coloring it#and as you can see i dont listen to myself ever#lol they look outta place but idc i got to draw 2 of my favorite characters and also ALLIGATORS :U#living the dream rn
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jamiazu / ashenviper week day 6: toxic yaoi overblot
SORRY it's very much a rushed mess especially in the lower half jdkslfjksd i was v busy today and trying to hurry to get something done for this before midnight [covers up the clock... i was close enough,,, it's still day 6 in some time zones jkfdlsjfs]
unfortunate that the overblots have so much going on and take me ten billion years to draw otherwise i think id like drawing them more bc they LOOK VERY COOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#ashenviper week 2024#twisted wonderland#twst#jamiazu#ashenviper#azul ashengrotto#jamil viper#cereal tries to draw#and boy did i try. JFKLDSJFLDSJG#i kinda shot myself in the foot deciding today on the day i STARTED WAY LATER#to be the day that i wanted to try shading in the tones lol#and then. picked the day i was doing stuff with a lot of dark black parts#with no color to balance out the similar tones jkLJFSDKLJFDKLJS#im not exactly good with tonal contrast and UNFORTUNATELY IT'S VERY APPARENT HERE TODAY SORRYYYYYYYYYYYY#whatever it's practice teehee. good enough is GOOD ENOUGH!!!!!!!!#anyway i was gonna draw them looking more evil but i kinda ended up goin the route of like. evil while gay#as in kind of extremely obsessed w/each other in their toxic yaoi state idk#like i think if they overblot at the same time it woulda been over for us boys theyd be too strong#uniting the powers of hypnosis and blackmail and also the fine print. and gay. to take over the school and then probably the world#u probs gotta click full screen squint on this one bc if ucked it up stupid style theres too much dark lol#USUALLY I HAVE THE OPPOSITE PROBLEM I DONT GO DARK ENOUGH#[professor voice] youre kinda stuck in the midtones#well. this time i went mid/dark and forgot the light lol#if i had more time maybe i coulda done some like actual shading to round it out but I DONT WANNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA IT'S LATE#AND IM SLEEEEPYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY#if drawing overblot details didnt kill me tho i think id like to draw them being overblot together more often lol i enjoy the concept#maybe if i can shorthand it or GO BACK TO MY BELOVED TINY GUYS#i spent the most time on this one of all the other drawings this week#tomorrow i do not anticipate ill spend as long on but#i was considerin the glomas outfits which are ALSO SCARY DETAILS AUGHHGHGH <- it's bc im bad at drawing. LOL
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sae is not amused (supposedly)
Bonus: rin lol
merch art used for inspo under cut:
#I FORGOT THE FUCKING RABBITS FUCKK#its fine its whatever ill just gnaw on the wall#anyways ignore the inconsistences between the rendering of shidou and sae- omg look guys more ryusae <33#ik when s2 comes out theres gonna be a lot more merch art with ryusae and god i dont think im strong enough to survive that with the amount#of brainrot i already have#blue lock#bllk#shidou ryusei#itoshi sae#ryusae#shidou x sae#bllk fanart#fanart#art#my art#digital art#artists on tumblr#drawing#illustration#i tried to experiment with the same style i used with the last piece only in a shorter amount of time#and experiment failed i spent 18 hours on these ummm#but i think i got a hand of this new way to shade hair and clothing#its a smoother look and bit more akin to those anime rendered art pieces i love so much so im quite happy with it#still prob not gonna use it for most art pieces bc im lazy and god does this take a shit load of time#but its a cool look i think :3
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okay none of this is coherent bc i'm on the verge of sleep at 9pm rn but that right hand man as dog post literally has my gears turning bc that's mitch fucking marner bro. that's mitch and there are so many levels to it. mitch who has made his whole career being the assist guy... takes pride in the fact that he can help the team even if that results in his point accumulation seeming lesser bc they're not goals. taking advantage of the skills and iq he possesses to try to make the people around him better and literally set them up for success...always the first one there to congratulate them on it too.... literally naming his whole foundation the marner assist foundation bc he embraces that role on a team with a generational goal scorer who's made it clear he wants to play with MITCH and appreciates mitch's talent and communication. like. actually his right winger... his right hand man. okay and even happy with being the second best, as he's been for large portions of his life w an older bro who's good at everything right on into a stacked draft class.
and mitch personality wise gets the dog description sometimes too. loyal, happy go lucky, wants to be around his guys all the time, and it's where he's the happiest and thrives the most. he's energetic, he's buzzin, he's willing to entertain, he's the life and love in that room in so many ways that are loud.... that bark but don't necessarily bite (THOUGH THEY CAN BITE. criticism can be doled out and taken as long as it's from the right places with him) but like. especially when he was younger too, he was literally the team emotional support puppy who loved cuddles and attention and with age comes protection from the outside a little bit..,. dialing back what he's willing to show or admit to people on the outside but it's still there and what keeps the camaraderie alive despite an ever rotating roster. and i kNOW. i know. so much dog imagery and symbolism has to do with being protective and fierce, and in hockey for mitch that doesn't necessarily translate on the ice the same way bc he's not big and rough and physically forward the way some people wish he was, but he probably would take a bullet for most of those guys. and in ways, he has taken on the shield or become the punching bag... he was with babcock, he's taken on the scapegoat with media so a lot of critique is thrown squarely at him for group failure. he's the martyr even if that's not exactly what he signed up for.
he's grown more guarded but he's LITERALLY. literally. a dog. a dawg. auston's dawg.... their dawg. the epitome of lots of good things about hockey culture (and i'm sure some bad too), but he embodies so much of the loyalty.. the side kick.. the best friend energy in some ways.... it makes me emo. and....... and to think of him with his own dog trying to recreate unbridled joy from his childhood (cut to those pics of him as a kid w his chocolate lab vs him now w zeus).... like he's desperate for love and recognition of his loyalty and companionship. he's gotten used to being second fiddle, not necessarily in any resentful way but like. these past few weeks he's kind of gotten to step up and be the guy™. he's the heartbeat...... the dog's not usually meant to be the main character but maybe he is worthy of it.
#mitch marner#all of that to say: good boy#anyway none of this means anything im just rambling n sentimental and pmsing an d images arre flashing in my head rrn like#theres web weaving nonsense in there somewhere but idk if therres a tight enough conclusion to draw to make it so but.#also lead me to violent imageyr but ill save that in my brain but im just saying#martyrdom is real sometimes.#klfdsjklfsjkdl#he will NOT be the sacrifice on this fucking team orr ill burn that city to the ground no problem lol#this is a semi oversimplification of some parts of his personality but obviously. we do not know him.#BUT HIS JOURNEY. IS THE JOURNEY OF THE SECOND BEST WHO TAKES A LOT OF HEAT. AND A LOT OF BLAME. in the shadow of the person he loves#its main charracter enerrgy even if the dog rarely is#i feel like therre was a pivot in media for a while w a shift to charracters that were morre like. Side role archetypes like#anyway.#help is this nonsense everryone look away#m like that lisa meme#tumblr is my own private journal where i put together the least academic thoughts imaginable soryr abt that
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Family Tree Version 3, now featuring dwarves, hobbits, and the intricacies of however ainur are related!
Double lines on each side of a line break are used where lines overlap (---ll | ll---). Dashed lines indicate unknown numbers of generations, and dotted lines are for adoption. Grey text is used for alternative/old draft versions and assumed relationships (such as sticking oropher in with the sons of galadhon, or putting one of the dunedain as the tooks' fairy ancestor).
Version 2 here
#silm#silmarillion#lotr#lord of the rings#family tree#house of finwe#house of thingol#elves#ainur#valar#numenoreans#edain#rohirrim#hobbits#assorted hobbits#okay that covers everybody i think#fun fact! progress on this has significantly slowed down because the file has gotten so big it now takes three minutes to open or save#not to mention the lag while adding people#why are hobbits so horizontal -_-#theres so many of them... in so few generations...#im planning on changing the transparency of the grey text to reflect different canonicity levels but the layers keep crashing my laptop#theres a few people im missing i think#i dont remember if i got erellont in there? and i know im missing the tol eressea bunch and the giant whale#also yes the trees get to be in here too :)#sorry for the lack of closeups i couldnt get it to stay loaded for long enough#i might transfer this to a more powerful computer for getting all the pics off it later#oh well ill figure that out once i finish
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This has probably been already said but what about Raven!Neil in an AU where he escapes with Jean. They are on the run for a little while and amidst the chaos of two Ravens missing, Kevin's hand is broken.
Nathaniel gets word that Kevin is taking sanctuary with the Foxes' very own Coach Wymack. Nathaniel, being the shit he is, concocts the plan to get Wymack to sign him and Jean to make it look like their disappearance was intentional.
Jean hates the plan. Kevin hates that he can't get away from Nathaniel. Nathaniel doesn't give a shit at long as he is away from Riko and is on a court.
#shut up capt#callum rumbles#aftg#i am aware of the amount of holes this concept has in it but *waves hands* look at them#nathaniel having little empathy for kevin besides the fact that his hand prevents him from playing#and being more focused on Jean#andrew coming in later and still taking in Kevin#eventually andrew figures out that his deal with kevin means little when nathaniel has all the resources to keep riko away from them#andrew and nathaniel fighting for a hot moment before realizing theres something more to their bickering#jean becoming very close to renee and by extension the upperclassmen and eventually andrew#nathaniel and jean learning that they can survive being apart and deviating from the buddy system#nathaniel embracing his new number 10 instead of his 3#but jean feeling ill when he realizes he has to be 11 instead of 4 now#thats enough rambling#aftg au#the perfect court#neil josten#kevin day#jean moreau#coach wymack#riko moriyama
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college … wasted on the youth (me)
#didnt help that 2/4 yrs was covid telezoom but man.. MANNN#forgetting how impossible it is to pursue rhe degree plan u actually want (advising hell) i feel like . theres just#so many diff things i want to learn now Knowing that im more solidified in my interests and who i am and what i would be interested in doing#and like.😭RGAAAAAQH TEARING MYHAIR OUTTT every other week i have a night where im sititng there like damn i couldve been sm1 completely dif#dgmw i still rly enjoy some of the upper div classes i Did take but what if i took x and liked it more or minored in y and it led me to z#bc i do feel rly set in where i am rn which . i DO ! like it but im never gna be in that environment where u have the flexibility to explore#ykwim . i wish i had taken physics and calc srsly . i always thought i hated that shit but i like it. i like it quite a lot actually😟#or more geology .. urrghh.. sprinkle in sme extra art history . no bc thats what actu pissed me off ab school#i rmbr wanting to dual major and they straight up told me no i cant . but then i was like maybe an arts major bio minor when i wanted to do#science illustration but sry we dont offer bio minor . ok bio major arh or studio art minor . no sry not enough open spots we rly only#reserve it for when we have extra openings post admission❤️#and then even late into sophomore year u would still be last in registration so all the cool classes would be closed#and then bc of covid half that shit was cancelled bc they couldnt transfer labs online (rip comparative vertebrate anatomy)#and then by senior yr an additional collection of classes were unavailable bc u dont have the prereqs bc the prereqs were cancelled during#covid and u dont have enough semesters left to actually take it . like it was gen such an awful experience so ik why i couldnt ever do what#i wanted but .😭 AND LIKE the classes i DID enjoy like genomics or molecular genetics were closed by registration and i had to email and beg#for access . thts crazy .literally crazy .#anyways . i think i want 2 start reading textbooks bc i think thats the closest ill get LMAOO#i remember seeing my coworker read a textbook for fun one time and idk why i just didnt understand why bc it seemed so dry but i Get it now#like yeah .. u knew what was up ..#sad too that like . i could theoretically audit a course but i Work..during the day .. so sad . so sad#guys wht if i just said yes to grad school (<the devil talking.dont agree)
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i think my biggest problem in time management is that i totally overestimate how much energy i have
#so for example ill be like Oh ill play one game. and sometimes i do play more than one lol#but a lot of the time i get to the end of that game and... im too tired to do anything dhbdjdj????#i dont know if its mental or physical but. theres a problem lmao#hmmm i guess if i try to switch it around. but hmmm.#i want to say 'maybe its just about motivation i bet if u switched the tasks around u would#have enough energy left to play a game' but that doesnt necessarily say anything about motivation#it might just mean eg 1 hour drawing takes less energy#also really fucking annoying how autocorrect doesnt want to work in tags
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who up seeing their disorder in a fictional character but feel like its not their place to put a name on it
#id have to be waterboarded before i can talk abt how i see a lot of my adhd and personality in mitsumi iwakura let alone post it#idk how to talk abt this without feeling like im talking over or invalidating ppls experiences relating with a character#someone was talking abt how ppl tie laios' autism to special interest and social difficulties but not much else which kinda flattens it#and then went into a respectful in depth analysis of other autistic behaviour that laios exhibits and it wasnt phrased meanly#its fascinating and important to me to hear someone explain a little bit abt traits that they recognized and often go overlooked#because it does help me learn more about it. but i think thats also where hesitancy kicks in when it comes to depicting it accurately#like i have adhd and some of my adhd symptoms overlap with autism (time blindness and pattern seeking behaviour) but that only means#it feels familiar to me even without having autism. on top of that traits arent always cleanly determined as being /caused/ by#a disorder. to understand my environment i compare it to something unrelated but similar to make it more familiar and for the longest time#i thought that was a personality thing and not an information processing thing since i loved playing pretend in my head as a kid#so if you make a character who experiences that hoping to reach people that also experience that and tell them its not weird or#smth youre making up like. thats the goal. ppl who dont get it arent expected to it just means it doesnt cater to them but it helps them#become familiar to it yk? since i dont have autism myself i dont feel confident i can depict it properly or explain it in my own words#but that doesnt mean im trying to dismiss it or try and cut it out completely.. ill just leave the floor open to someone who /can/#a lot of issues around fanon depictions are when smth is baselessly popularized or a characters personality and behavior is flattened#especially to fit them into a trending meme. its harmless and its supposed to be for fun but it gets tricky when you drag things that#need to be carefully explained beforehand or else it gets lost in translation. like that tweet abt 'hyperfixating' on cooking pasta#once it becomes popular language usually the original meaning is left out for the sake of simplifying it for everyone that when it#circles back theres a sort of hesitancy like. am i using it the way it was intended or am i unknowingly using the popularized version of it#actually thats probably why i felt wrongfooted during diagnosis bc it felt like i was misusing the words i heard to describe what i felt#i /know/ i see a lot of myself in mitsumi because our minds are always somewhere else and we tend to put good faith first and for me#that personal connection is enough. but idk it feels like its always gonna have to be 'palatable' first before i can talk abt it openly#mad respect to writers and creators who stick to their story even if theres the looming fear of ppl misinterpreting it and letting them#have it.. its been almost 2 weeks and i am so close to deleting that m3 dunmeshi drawing bc ppl keep saying chilchuck wouldnt have 200 HP#IT LITERALLY SAYS I MADE IT WHILE WATCHING EP 1. I USED EARTHBOUND LOGIC AND I WASNT EVEN TAKING IT SERIOUSLY CHILL#yapping
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about halfway through the career now, how exciting!
#simblr#ts4#ts4 simblr#the sims 4#the sims 4 simblr#the sims#the sims community#re not so berry#re nsb gen1#mynthe berey#i should get better about taking screenies of skill gaining too but. am lazy#theres enough screenshots of other stuff ill just show screenies when they master the skill HSJBHDNJFKLM
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#i saw someone else's post about deleting social media for a while and tbh i think i might do the same#if you have my discord you know where to find me#if youre close to me you probably already know that im not well right now#i think i just need to shut the world off for a while and pretend im in a very small bubble where only surviving to the next day matters#im safe i have folks looking out for me and im feeling more lucid today than i have been lately#and if that changes i made safety nets to make sure i cant hurt myself#but I m gonna just step out for a while and plan on maybe not opening social medias other than discord till next year#i need to make my world feel smaller for a while and just stick my head in the sand until im in a safer place mentally#if youre reading this and youre in a place like i am know that youre not alone#know that its ok to close your eyes for a little while and be selfish#its ok to make your world smaller right now and take a break from fighting if you need to#i understand theres a lot of shame for not fighting for everyone else or feeling suicidal when other folks have it worse off than you do#idk right now im lucid enough to just say i cant think about that right now and thats ok#if you need to focus on just keeping your own feet on the ground for now thats ok#ill see yall next year. please still be here with me. im gonna try my best to still be here too
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"You'll come back," Manon said.
It sounded like more of a threat than anything
Dorian smirked. "Would you miss me if I didn't?"
Manon didn't reply. He didn't know why he expected her to.
He'd taken all of a step, when Asterin clasped his shoulder. "In and out, quick as you can," she warned him. "Take care of Narene." Worry indeed shone in the Second's gold-flecked black eyes. Dorian bowed his head. "With my life," he promised as he approached her mount and grasped the dangling reins. He didn't fail to miss the gratitude that softened Asterin's features. Or that Manon had already turned away from him.
A fool to start down this path with her. He should have known better.
The hours that passed were some of the longest of Manon's existence.
From anticipation, she told herself. Of what she had to do.
Abraxos, unsurprisingly, found them within an hour, his reins sliced from the struggle he'd no doubt waged and won with Sorrel. He waited, however, beside Manon in silence, wholly focused upon the gate where Dorian and Narene had vanished.
Time dripped by. The king's sword was constant weight at her side. She cursed herself for needing to prove-to him, to herself-that she refused to let him go into Morath for practical, ordinary reasons. Erawan wasn't at the Ferian Gap. It'd be safer. Somewhat. But if the Matrons were there … That was why he'd gone. To learn if they were. To see if Petrah truly commanded the host there, and how many Ironteeth were present. He had not been trained as a spy, but he'd grown up in a court where people wielded smiles and clothes like weapons. He knew how to blend in, how to listen. How to make people see what they wished to see. She'd sent Elide into the dungeons of Morath, Darkness damn her. Sending the King of Adarlan into the Ferian Gap was no different.
It didn't stop her breath from escaping when Abraxos stiffened, scanning the sky. As if he heard something they couldn't.
And it was the joy that sparked in her mount's eyes that told her.
Moments later, Narene sailed toward them, making a lazy path over the mountains, a dark-haired, pale-skinned rider atop her. He'd truly been able to change parts of himself. Had made his face nearly unrecognizable. And kept it that way.
Asterin rushed toward the mare, and even Manon blinked as her Second threw her arms around Narene's neck. Holding her tight. The mare only leaned her head against Asterin's back and huffed.
Manon hadn't dwelled long on what she'd say.
And as the three hundred Ironteeth witches filed into the hall, some coming off their patrols, Manon half wondered if she should have. They watched her, watched the Thirteen, with a wary disdain.
Their disgraced Wing Leader; their fallen Heir.
When all were gathered, Petrah, still standing in the doorway where she'd appeared, merely said, "My life debt for an audience, Blackbeak."
Manon swallowed, her tongue as dry as paper. Seated atop Abraxos, she could see every shifting movement in the crowd, the wide eyes or hands gripping swords.
"I will not tell you the particulars of who I am," Manon said at last. "For I think you have already heard them."
"Crochan bitch," someone spat.
Manon set her eyes on the Blackbeaks, stone-faced where the others bristled with hatred. It was for them she spoke, for them she had come here.
jacket, then hoisting up her white shirt. Rising in the stirrups to bare her scarred, brutalized abdomen. "She does not lie."
UNCLEAN
There, the word remained stamped. Would always be stamped.
"How many of you," Asterin called out, "have been similarly branded? By your Matron, by your coven leader? How many of you have had your stillborn witchlings burned before you might hold them?"
The silence that fell now was different from before. Shaking shuddering.
Manon glanced at the Thirteen to find tears in Ghislaine's eyes as she took in the brand on Asterin's womb. Tears in the eyes of all of them, who had not known. And it was for those tears, which Manon had never seen, that she faced the host again.
"You will be killed in this war, or after it. And you will never see our homeland again."
"What is it that you want, Blackbeak?" Petrah asked from the archway.
"Ride with us," Manon breathed. "Fly with us.
Against Morath. Against the people who would keep you from your homeland, your future." Murmuring broke out again. Manon pushed ahead, "An Ironteeth-Crochan alliance. Perhaps one to break our curse at last."
Again, that shuddering silence. Like a storm about to break Asterin sat back in the saddle, but kept her shirt open.
"The choice of how our people's future shall be shaped is yours," Manon told each of the witches assembled, all the Blackbeaks who might fly to war and never return. "But I will tell you this." Her hands shook, and she fisted them on her thighs. "There is a better world out there. And I have seen it."
Even the Thirteen looked toward her now.
"I have seen witch and human and Fae dwell together in peace. And it is not weakness to do so, but a strength. I have met kings and queens whose love for their kingdoms, their peoples, is so great that the self is secondary. Whose love for their people is so strong that even in the face of unthinkable odds, they do the impossible."
Manon lifted her chin. "You are my people. Whether my grandmother decrees it so or not, you are my people, and always will be. But I will fly against you, if need be, to ensure that there is a future for those who cannot fight for it themselves. Too long have we preyed on the weak, relished doing so. It is time that we became better than our foremothers." The words she had given the Thirteen months ago. "There is a better world out there," she said again. "And I will fight for it." She turned Abraxos away, toward the plunge behind them. "Will you?"
Manon nodded to Petrah. Eyes bright, the Heir only nodded back. They would be permitted to leave as they had arrived: unharmed.
So Manon nudged Abraxos, and he leaped into the sky, the Thirteen following suit.
Not a child of war. But of peace.
#Dorian Havilliard#Manon Blackbeak#Chapter 43#Kingdom of Ash#Sarah J. Maas#1st read-readW me-read along-no spoilers please-chapter spoilers in the post&tag+more notes/quotes/ reacts/annotations/etc-ordinary dagger#would be his only weapon-and the magic in his veins-If I don't come back he said while she tied the ancient blade2her keys must go2Terrasen#the only place he could think of-even if Aelin wasn't ther2take them-them u'll come back Manon said It sounded like more of a threat than#Dorian smirked Wouldumiss me if I didn't-Take care of Narene Worry indeed shone in the 2nd gold-flecked black eyes-A fool2start down this#pathW her He should have known better-hours that passed were some of the longest of Manon's existence-Time dripped byKings sword a weight at#her sideShe cursed herself4needing2prove-2him2herself-that she had-she refused2let him go in2Morath4practical ordinary reasons Erawan wasnt#Ferian Gap Itd b safer Somewhat-He had not been trained as a spy but hed grown up in a court where people wielded smiles&clothes like weapon#He knew how2blend in how2listenHow2make people see what they wished2see-She'd sent Elide in2the dungeons of Morath-Darkness dam her it didnt#s2p her breath from escaping when Abraxos stiffened scanning the skyAs if he heard something they couldn't-& it was the joy that sparked in#her mounts eyes that2ld her-Asterin rushed2ward the mare&even Manon blinked as her 2nd threw her arms around Narenes neck Holding her tight-#Their disgraced Wing Leader; their fallen Heir-It was4them she spoke4them she had come here-Crochan bitch-hell no that's a witch queen-She#doesnt lie-UNCLEAN There the word remained stamped Would always bstamped How many of U-silence that fell now was different from be4 shaking#shuddering-Tears in the eyes of all of them who hadnt known&it was4those tears which Manon had never seen that she faced the host againManon#ifted her chin u are my people-Whether my gr&mother decrees it so or notuare my people&always will bBut I will fly againstuif need B2ensure#theres future4those who cannot fight4it themselves2o long have we preyed on the weak relished doing so It is time that we became better than#our4emothers-words shes given the13-Theres a better world out there she said again-& I will fight4it She turned Abraxos away2ward the plunge#behind them Will u-their if u die ill kill u vibe-ugh obviouslyulove each other just get over it-warned hum-my life-gratitude even softened#the witch-Shapeshifter-bye bluebell birdie-His ice-the Valg-just this once-if it keeps them alive then good enough-him&Vesta-terse-dont let#Aelin go4them either please-& the magic in his veins-his true weapon is smarts-come back-she cared her eyes say it all-Wmy life-not a fool#just in love-colds their middle name-her waiting😭-Lys would bproud of his skill-joy in wyverns is giving cuz she screamed4U like I did-Petra#their fallen Heir-a life debt-yes I had2switch2short dashes there’s just2o much going on all the time-4 them she spoke2gather2save-Asterin b#b-made-are monsters born or maid chicken egg wyvern solved-only queen-k how old r they-glory-always-my bb13crying2gether now imma cry-ur#Future is giving a better world vibes-I have seen it-a good queen-real love-u are my people-yes Manon speech-not a child of war but of peace#Manorian#The Thirteen
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