#there's so much more i wanted to say initially when i decided to log in again

[anucalor]

Mutuals pt.2 (Onyankopon x Black! Reader)

haii! im so sorry for taking literally forever to post this. i was so ready to get back into writing, but i started taking my classes full time (which i passed（＾∇＾）) but now i am getting ready for state and with three jobs... its a lot lol. but im ready to try to get back into it!

i also have Kofi if you ever wanted to support in other ways!

anywho, here ya go!

y/n is a little shy. when she moves back home, her friend mika tries to get her out the house. what better way than to meet mutuals?

(w.c. 2.6k)

warnings: none, language (if any)

__________

It’s Thursday. 

Today shouldn’t hold so much weight, but it did. Besides being the beautiful day before a weekend, it’s the day before Ony and I go on our first date.  

I can’t help but think about it every now and then. Receiving his texts throughout the day doesn’t help either. I've realized he’s much more of a subtle flirt than I would have thought, constantly catching me off guard. I smile and shake my head before looking away from my Apple watch to continue charting. 

I check the time and see it’s a little after seven o’clock. After filling in a few people on my floor and making sure everything is logged in, I go to my locker and grab my belongings. I make my way to the elevator and ride down to the first floor. As soon as I step off of the elevator, I get a phone call. 

Ony. 

I bite my lip to prevent myself from smiling too much before answering. 

“Hello?” 

“Hey, pretty girl,” I smile a little wider, “how was work?” 

“It was good. Walking to my car, now.” 

We make casual talk as I continue towards my car. Once I’m inside with my doors locked, I start my engine and begin making my way home. After a few minutes, Ony finally brings up the day I’ve been too nervous to ask about. 

“Mmm... you ready for tomorrow, mama?” 

My heart skips. 

“I, uhh, I am.” I try to sound as relaxed as possible. I can only hope he doesn’t hear how hesitant I sound. 

“What’s wrong? You don’t sound so sure.” 

Of course, he heard... 

“I’m sure... I just have a lot on my mind,” I explain softly. 

“You wanna talk about it?” Ony offers. 

I smile, "Just excited for tomorrow, ‘s all.” I can almost hear his smile in his ‘mhm.’ 

I assume that’s a fine enough answer because Ony doesn’t push the topic, opting to change the subject.  

After about a 10-minute drive, I finally made it back home. I grab all of my belongings and make my way towards the door, making sure to lock my car. I unlock the door to my apartment and walk in, making sure to lock it, as well. 

“You inside yet, mama?” I hear Ony’s voice mumble through my phone. 

“Yeah, I’m inside.” I walk to the island in the kitchen and put my bag on the counter before looking over at my buzzing phone.  

Ony is FaceTiming me.  

I answer the call and gently lean my phone against a nearby object on my counter so that he can see me. The call finally connects and I see Ony leaning back in his chair, fingers moving around on his controller as he plays the game. The corners of my lips slightly raise at the sight of him before I look away for a moment to place one hand on the counter and use the other to remove my shoes. 

“You look pretty, (N/N),” I hear him say over the speaker. 

  I couldn’t help but chuckle as I pick up my phone, shoes, and purse and walk to my bedroom. 

“You say that every time we're on the phone,” I mention with a tired yet teasing tone, “but thank you.” 

He ignores my initial statement and smiles, eyes returning to his TV screen, “You’re welcome.” 

~ 

The night goes on as it normally would; I change and sit on the phone with Yanni for a little over an hour before deciding it is time for me to take a shower and go to bed. 

When I wake up the next morning, it takes me a moment to become fully oriented. When I do, I can’t help but think about how the night could go. Ony and I can realize that being friends is what’s best; we could not like one another, or we could continue in pursuit of a relationship. Of course, I’m hoping for the latter, but only time will tell.  

After talking to God about my worries, I feel a little better and finally decide to get up and get ready, leaving my phone on its charger. After brushing my teeth and washing my face, I walk into my room and look through my wardrobe for a dress that’s fancy enough for a dinner date but not overly obnoxious. Wanting to remain on the safe side, I decide on a long black, long-sleeved dress with some heels. Feeling content with my decision, I decide to pick up my phone to check any notifications. 

The very first one is from Ony. 

Ony: Good morning pretty girl. Ima be a little busier today so I won’t be able to talk much. Make sure you’re ready by 6. I’ll see you soon 

I smile before responding to his text, feeling slight butterflies in my tummy. I make sure to let him know I appreciate him telling me he’d be busy and that I’ll see him tonight. Checking the time, I decide to go ahead and grab some breakfast, opting for some fruit, feeling too nervous to eat too much. 

I try to talk myself down, trying not to get worked up over some guy.  

‘It’s just another date with another guy... it’s just another date with another guy... but it’s not.’ 

There's something about Onyan that makes me hope that what we have goes further than ‘just another date.’ Although we’ve only really been able to speak over the phone since we met, he seems to be more genuine than any other person who has tried to pursue me. Mikasa’s words continue to play in my mind as well. Knowing from a reliable source that he doesn’t mess around for fun also puts me a little at ease.  

I just need to relax and trust that no matter what happens, everything’s gonna be okay. 

~  

I sit in front of my vanity, applying any finishing touches I think I need. I stand and take in my appearance. A smile makes its way onto my lips as I reach to grab some perfume. I spray to my heart’s content before grabbing my purse and phone and walking to the living room. Again, I look in the large mirror at my reflection, feeling happy with how I look. Minutes pass before I hear a knock on my door. 

My heart drops to my stomach. I take a deep breath before walking to the door, unlocking and opening it. Once it’s open, I see Ony with a bouquet of light pink roses with white lilies. I give an endearing smile before hugging him. 

“Ony, these are beautiful. Thank you.” 

He carefully wraps his arms around me, a smile on his face as he responds, “You’re welcome, (N/N). I’m glad you like them.” 

I lean away before gently taking the bouquet from his grasp, my hand lightly brushing against his. I lead him inside for a moment while I carefully replace my older flowers with the newer ones. Once that’s done, I grab my purse. 

“You ready?” Ony glances up from his phone once he sees that I have my purse. 

I nod and watch as he smiles, taking in my outfit for the night.  

“You look beautiful, (Y/N).” He stands from the barstool he sat in while he waited and makes his way to me with his hand out.  

  I take my lower lip into my mouth to try to prevent me from smiling like an idiot, and it just barely works. My hand interlocks with his as I respond. “Thank you, and you look very handsome.”  

Which is true. Ony has on a solid black shirt with some loose black pants and white forces. He, of course, has his chain and studs on and a black and white bomber jacket. He bites his lip as he looks down at me for a moment.  

“Thank you, mama.”  I smile before looking at the ground. Ony let out a breathy chuckle at the way I couldn’t hold eye contact before leading us to his car. He leads me to the passenger’s side and opens the door for me. I give a soft thank you before sitting down and bringing my legs inside. When I get situated, he closes the door and makes his way to the driver's side before driving off.  

~ 

After 25 minutes, we make it to our restaurant. I know I haven’t been here before, so I don’t know what to expect. Ony parks and makes his way to my side to help me out. I place my hand in his while he leads us inside the restaurant. The host leads us to a secluded booth towards the back of the restaurant. We walk hand in hand until we reach the area, separating only to sit across from one another. Our host hands us our menus and tells us our waitress will be with us soon. 

I gently look through the menu, eyes slowly gazing over what all the restaurant has to offer. Ony, sitting across from me, can’t help but allow his eyes to gaze over me, only giving his menu half the attention since he already knows what he wants. He swiftly thinks of something to talk about and opens his mouth to speak. 

“Don’t hesitate to get anything you want, by the way. ” My eyes flicker up to his at the sound of his voice. I smile softly before briefly returning my eyes back to the menu. 

“I’ll keep that in mind, thank you.” 

Ony gently licks his lips before closing his menu completely and giving me his undivided attention. 

After that, conversation was nothing short of wonderful - Ony smoothly leading the us from one topic to another. I could feel my attraction for him grow the more he spoke to me in that soft, deep tone that I’ve grown used to. Due to me not being the best conversationalist, I was hesitant for this date, but it comes so naturally with him. As if he knows exactly what to say and when to say it. 

From childhood memories to stories about work to ranting about the group that we’ve grown to love so dearly. It felt as though we had known each other for years.

After ordering, it took us bit before our food was brought out to us. Even then we joke about how it got quiet when we started eating, knowing that the restaurant he picked was a good choice. We each took our time, slowly realizing that we didn’t want the night to end just yet. Even after Ony paid for our meal, we still stayed to talk for about another 30 minutes.  

After laughing at a joke he said, I turned my phone over on the table to check the time and sigh. 

“Ony, we should probably head out. It’s getting late.” 

He picks up his phone and gives a soft smile. 

“Yeah, you right... Alright, let’s go, pretty girl,” he directs softly before standing. 

 I scoot just a little before turning my legs to the outside of the booth where Ony was waiting with his hand outstretched. I gently place my hand in his and stand. 

“You got everything?” I turn to make sure I didn't drop anything before nodding.  

“Mhm, yeah. I’m good.” 

And with that, he leads us towards the exit. Once we get to his car, he opens the door for me before going to his side. I watch as he walks to his side, trying to hide the goofy grin that’s trying to make itself known.  

He finally sits down in the car before turning to look at me, narrowing his eyes slightly. 

“What?” he asks with a small grin. I shake my head before picking up my phone. 

“Nothing.” By the way I bit my lip to keep from smiling, I’m sure he knew it wasn’t ‘nothing,’ but he chose not to push. Opting for “whatever you say, (N/N.)” 

The drive to my house was mostly done so in peaceful silence. Other than the speakers and the occasional quip, we just enjoyed each other’s presence.  

After some time, Ony pulled into my apartment. He turned off his car and made his way to me. 

“Aww, such chivalry. Walking me to my door?” I quip once my hand is in his. 

He immediately smacks his lips before closing the door. “Mmcht, man gon’ on somewhere.” He couldn’t even finish the sentence without smiling, causing me to giggle. 

We make it to my door, and I turn to him with a sigh. 

“Thank you for agreeing to go out with me, (Y/N),” his voice low and clear.  

I lean my shoulder against the door and sleepily look him in his eyes. “Thank you for taking me out. I really had fun.” 

“Enough fun to want to do it again?” he asks, taking a step towards me. 

I look off to the side, hide my smile behind my hand before dropping it. “Yeah, Ony. Enough to want to do it again.” 

He looks down, a smile plastered on his face. 

Only a few moments passed before he looks back at me and takes another step forward. I tilt my head a little to the side before feeling him take my hand in his, standing directly in front of me. 

“I’m gonna be very honest, (Y/N) - I would really like to kiss you right now.” 

For some reason me being a little tired made me a little bold and I ask, “So why haven’t you?”  

A moment after those words left my mouth, Ony’s hand rests on my neck, his thumb, pointer, and ring finger gently grabbing my jaw to tilt my head upwards. He leans down and presses his soft lips onto mine. I don’t hesitate for a moment before meeting him halfway. Ony slides his other hand around my waist, pulling me in to completely close the space between us. My left hand slides to his wrist as he deepens the kiss.  

It felt too soon when he pulled away. I opened my eyes to see him looking intensely at me. I quickly shy away, opting to look at the ground, my hand gently rubbing the remnants of Ony from my lips as I try not to smile too hard. 

“Thank you again, Ony,” I mumble trying to keep my rapid heartbeat under control. 

Ony looked at me with an adorned look in his eyes.  

“You’re welcome, mama. Go get some rest, okay?”  

“You, too... Goodnight, Ony.”  

“Goodnight, (N/N).” 

---

It’s been three months since Ony and I have been dating, and it’s been amazing. He’s been amazing. He continues to show me just how caring and protective he is - genuine and fun. The way he never fails to make me smile (whether it be after a tough day at work, or I’m just feeling a little down) is something I didn’t realize I needed. 

‘I’m so glad I listened to Mika,’ is something I constantly think to myself. 

She was right when she told me that he would show me the type of person he is. 

And I couldn’t be happier. 

Ony and I are a little more comfortable with visiting each other's houses, opting to just stay in and relax most of the time. Each time we do, we learn so much about one another. From likes to dislikes to family and more. The more we spend time together, the more I can’t help but think about what it would be like to actually be in a committed relationship with him.  

I’d be lying if I said I didn’t try to shoo the thought away, but it’s so hard when Ony is... himself. Going above and beyond is not foreign to him. His emotional intelligence is evident through his desire for clear communication and his (surprising) amount of empathy.  

Gosh, he’s so wonderful. 

My thoughts are cut short by a soft *ping!*  I glance at my phone to see Ony’s name pop up. I bite back a smile before opening his message.

Yanni <3 : Be ready by 8. I got a surprise for you 

---

ah, please be nice. im still getting into the swing of things. i really hope you guys enjoyed this. please excuse any mistake!

i love you but Jesus loves you more. <3

@kxllanxtdoor

@prettypink-princesss

@sevikasblackgf

pt.1

[caligvlasaqvarivm]

I know you've touched on it in your Gamzee Essay/general alternative timeline post but may I hear some more about your ideas regarding GamTav (or only Tavros)? You get these two in a way the broader fandom doesn't (which is fine, I'll still reblog even the most vanilla ooc art of them) so I'd really love hearing more of your thoughts:3

Ok, I think this is going to be someeewhat controversial, but I think they're destined for pale together, despite Gamzee's initial flushed flirting. I did in fact reread ALL of Tavros's logs for this.

I think the first thing we need to establish is that Tavros actually feels really shitty about himself. It's obvious that his problem is "self-esteem," since he's constantly prattling on about it, but there's a bit he says as Tavrossprite that's pretty enlightening as to where his actions stem from:

TAVROSPRITE: i SYMPATHIZE ENTIRELY WITH YOUR SOCIAL IMPASSE, cAUSING NOT GOOD REFLECTIONS ABOUT YOURSELF, tHAT MAYBE ALSO DOUBLE AS LIBERATING STUFF ABOUT YOU THAT YOU RANDOMLY DECIDE IS FINE SUDDENLY, TAVROSPRITE: oLD ACQUAINTANCES, aND GUYS YOU ONCE CALLED FRIENDS, TAVROSPRITE: tHOSE ARE VERY HARD, TAVROSPRITE: bECAUSE OVER TIME THEY GET EXPOSED TOO MUCH, tO ALL MY FLAWS AND INSECURITIES, TAVROSPRITE: aND THEY START LIKING ME LESS BECAUSE OF THAT, TAVROSPRITE: aT LEAST, tHAT'S HOW THE TRUTH FEELS, iN MY BRAIN, TAVROSPRITE: sO i START THINKING, mAYBE THEY CAN'T BE THAT IMPORTANT TO ME, aFTER ALL, iF i'M GOING TO WANT TO FEEL NOT SAD ABOUT MYSELF ALL THE TIME,

He has a mixture of self-loathing and social anxiety, the latter of which exacerbates the former, as his mind tells him that his friends secretly hate him. However, his real problem is what he then does with those feelings - he avoids them and the situations that cause them. This causes two major knock-on effects: the first is that he actively ends up distancing himself from people who ARE nice to him and DO care about him, only adventuring with Vriska because he's a pushover and she's very pushy (he adventures completely alone up until that point, and winds up sleeping almost all the time afterwards); the second being that, because he refuses to actually sit with and address his negative feelings about himself (or anything else), he's never able to fix them, or remove himself from shitty situations.

Something consistent with Tavros is that every time he tries to make a decision before his death and Vriska-prototyping, it's by trying to rely on something external - whether that's his imaginary friend, his robot legs, or the story of Pupa Pan... or relying on advice from Kanaya, or seeking approval and forgiveness from Vriska, or earning flushed interest from Jade. He believes himself to be deeply flawed and untrustworthy, so he allows other people to make his decisions, and when relationships do get intimate enough that someone might get him vulnerable, he peaces out. Even his ill-fated attempt to kill Vriska is heavily encouraged by Vriska herself:

AT: aND THAT BEING THE CASE, AT: eVEN THOUGH i'M TERRIFIED OF YOU, AT: aND nOT AS STRONG, AT: oR REAL CONFIDENT, AT: oNLY MOSTLY FAKE CONFIDENT, AG: Yeeeeeeees? AG: Go on. AT: i THINK, AT: i AM GOING TO HAVE TO STOP YOU, AG: Yeah! That's the spirit. AG: Pretty weakslime threat there, 8ut it's a start. AG: Tell you what. AG: If you can find me in this la8, you can have at me. AG: I'll even give you a free shot! No funny 8usiness or anything. AT: oK, AT: tHEN, AT: hERE i COME, AG: I'll 8e w8ing. <3

As we see with Jade, whom he's attempting to flirt with flushed, he's actively trying to impress her using "self-esteems" explicitly gained from "fake" things he's acknowledging as fake - that is, refusing to be genuine and vulnerable with her, because he doesn't believe anyone would like him the way he actually is.

AT: bUT WHAT ABOUT, AT: mY ATTRACTIVE BRAVADO, AT: aND IGNORING MY INSTINCTUAL COWARDICE HARD ENOUGH TO SAY THAT i LIKE YOU, AT: iSN'T THAT, AT: sUPPOSED TO BE VERY ATTRACTIVE, aND ENCOURAGE THE MAJOR HAVING OF FLUSHED FEELINGS IN OTHERS, AT: i GUESS WHAT i MEAN IS, wHAT ABOUT ALL MY CONFIDENCE, AT: wHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THAT,

His "dating" Vriska in the dream bubbles is also dubious and one-sided at best, as John calls him out for faking it and Tavros isn't willing to bring up wanting the Ring of Life because he was planning to propose to Vriska. Thus, once more, he's attempting to use something disingenuous (in this case, a human proposal) to win another person's affection, which he believes would be a symbol of actualizing his "self-esteem".

We also literally see him do the "deciding someone wasn't actually important to you after all, so it hurts less when you cut them off before they can hurt you emotionally by noticing your flaws" thing with Nepeta - he actually quite likes Nepeta, and would certainly have enjoyed having her play the game with him, but he assures her that it's not a big deal basically immediately, and insists he'll just find someone else:

AC: :33 < tavros im sorry i cant be on your team :(( AC: :33 < im not allowed AT: oH, AT: tHAT'S OKAY, AT: tHEN i GUESS HE SAID NO, tHEN, ... AC: :33 < hmm purrhaps AC: :33 < but i still f33l bad AT: i'LL FIND ANOTHER PLAYER, iT'S NOT A BIG DEAL, AT: gOOD LUCK, bEING, AT: oN THE BLUE TEAM, AC: :33 < ok thanks :((

But, perhaps most strikingly, is the way he leaves his good friend Gamzee on read after Gamzee suggests... gasp... intimacy.

TC: WhEn wE Up aNd sTaRt tO KiCk aT ThIs rEd TeAm NoIsE, TC: YoU ShOuLd mAkE YoUr wAy tO GeT YoUr hAnG On aT My hIvE. AT: oH, yES, tOTALLY, TC: We cOuLd sPlIt a tIn oF ThE PiMpEsT SnEeZe i gOt oN HaNd, BaKeD Up aLl sPeCiAl fOr yOu. TC: AnD ThEn mAyBe mAkE OuT A LiTtLe. AT: uH, TC: ;o) AT: , AT: ,,

It freaks him out, and he's never seen hanging with Gamzee again. And this is a huge shame, because not only is Tavros one of the only people who is nice to Gamzee and appreciates his religious beliefs, but Gamzee is one of the only people who hears out Tavros's genuine insecurities and desires without making fun of him:

AT: tHE ONLY THING MORE FLY THAN THE RHYMES, AT: i'M SAYING TO EXPRESS ALL MY MALICES, AT: iS THE ABILITY HE HAD i WISH WAS MINE, AT: iNSTEAD OF i GUESS, THIS EXCESSIVE PARALYSIS, TC: (lOoK OuT FoR ThE HoOk bRo!!!) TC: GeT OfFa tHoSe wHeElS, gEt oFfA ThOsE WhEeLs. TC: If mIrAcLeS ArEn't fAkE He'lL GeT OfFa tHoSe wHeElS! AT: bUT HIGH, iN THIS CASE, hAS DOUBLE THE MEANING, AT: iT MEANS HE CAN FLY, pLUS DOES HIGH SELF ESTEEMING, AT: tHAT'S TWO THINGS HE HAS, tHAT i'D RATHER WERE MINE, AT: hIS TWO FLAPPY WINGS, aND hIS BIG HEALTHY SPINE, AT: oOPS, AT: tHAT'S THREE THINGS,,, TC: GeT OfFa tHoSe wHeElS, gEt oFfA ThOsE WhEeLs. TC: If mIrAcLeS ArEn't fAkE He'lL GeT OfFa tHoSe wHeElS!

(Compare:)

PAT: i'M SORT OF, lYING ON vRISKA'S FLOOR RIGHT NOW, PAT: lIKE, iN HER BLOCK, PAT: lYING DOWN, PAT: uHH, yOU KNOW, bECAUSE i CAN'T WALK, CCG: OH NO SHIT REALLY??? CCG: YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS, WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN.

He isn't able to do a REAL self-confidence at least until he gives Vriska the bird and flies away, for the first time asserting that he thinks she's an asshole and doesn't actually want or need her validation or approval. After that, he's able to convince a ghost army to follow him using friendship and asking and niceness. Breath powers! Also Page powers! Also actual self-esteems! Although I don't personally hold anything after Game Over as anything more than soft canon, I think we can still see a fairly straightforward character arc reach a natural conclusion there.

But as to why I specifically think him and Gamzee are destined for pale, despite what appears to be flushed leanings from Gamzee's end, and despite the fact that I usually believe what the comic tells me, is because what brief few interactions we see between them are very much pale in nature, and it would be kind of narratively bizarre if Gamzee were set up to have a failed moirallegiance - the quadrant described as "soul mates" - without managing to find his real soul mate after. And who's it going to be? Equius? Or the guy that Gamzee literally says he feels "at chill with" talking to?

Gamzee kissing Tavros's corpse is often used as evidence for his desire for flushed, but I disagree - however Gamzee feels about Tavros romantically, kissing a dead player is how you revive them, so it reads to me - especially given how sad Gamzee is about Tavros dying - more like a desperate act to bring him back. Lest we forget, Terezi also gives it a try, and Karkat kisses Kanaya for the same reason - the reality that their extra lives are gone hasn't sunk in yet for these 13 year old kids, so they must try revival even if they know it won't work.

Moreover, Gamzee indirectly describes Tavros as his "best friend," after having called Karkat that through most of the game, and having an implied pale crush on Karkat during that time.

TC: YOU MOTHER FUCKING KNOW, BROTHER. TC: its the fuckin puppet. TC: THE ONE THAT'S ALL GOT TO BE MY BEST FUCKING FRIEND I GOT NOW. TC: now that my other buddy managed to be having his head chopped off. :oC

Moreover moreover, what Karkat cites as being the cause of their moirallegiance's failure is Gamzee's religious beliefs:

KARKAT: HE STARTED GETTING SO UNBELIEVABLY SELF SATISFIED AND PIOUS, LIKE WAY MORE THAN HE EVER WAS BEFORE. KARKAT: LIKE HE'S JUST SO COMPLETELY CONVINCED HE'S FOUND HIS CALLING, THAT THIS SESSION IS THE GATEWAY TO THE PROMISED LAND WHERE HE'LL FULFILL HIS DESTINY. KARKAT: HE'S SO CAUGHT UP IN HIS IDIOTIC SCHEMES HE COULDN'T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT ME ANYMORE.

Which are explicitly what Tavros invites Gamzee to speak on, and appreciates:

AT: yEAHHH, yOU CAN TALK ABOUT THE CLOWN THINGS, wHICH, AT: i DON'T REALLY UNDERSTAND EVER, bUT THAT'S OKAY, AT: bECAUSE IT'S KIND OF FUNNY, AT: wHEREAS, i'LL ADDRESS SOME TOPICS PERTAINING TO MY INTERESTS, AT: aND i GUESS, pERSONAL MOTIFS, TC: YeAh! FuCk YeAh, ThAt Be HoW sHiT's AlL uSuAlLy Up AnD fUcKiN lOcKeD bRo. ... AT: dO YOU HAVE TIME FOR, mY MIRACLES, rELIGIOUS FRIEND, }:) TC: Do yOu gEt yOuR NoTiCe oN Of tHe mIrAcLeS AT: sO MANY, uH, gRATUITOUS EXPLETIVE, mIRACLES, tHE MAGIC MOTHER, aLSO eXPLETIVE, mIRACLES, TC: FuCk yEs, HeReS WhErE ThE SlAm tUrNs tO NoThIn bUt hOnKs... TC: HoNk hOnK HoNk hOnK HoNk hOnK HoNk TC: HoNk hOnK HoNk hOnK HoNk hOnK HoNk AT: HONK, TC: FuUuUuUuUuUuUuUuUuCk! AT: iT'S LESS APPROPRIATE FOR ME TO DO THE HONKS, tHAN YOU, bUT THAT WAS STILL GREAT, TC: YeAh, BrO. yEaH!!! AT: tHE SLAMS WERE TRULY PRIME, aND, AT: yOUR RELIGIOUS VIEWS, tHOUGH i DON'T SHARE THEM, aRE, AT: rEASONABLY INSPIRATIONAL, AT: i THINK i'M IN THE PROCESS OF RELEASING AT LEAST ONE TEAR,

But also in Tavros's single conversation with Gamzee, we see Tavros stand up to a highblood:

TC: :o) HoNkHoNkHoNkHoNkHoNk AT: }:o), hEH, TC: hAhAh FuUuUuCk, YoU sToLe My FuCkIn NoSe BrO! TC: WhAt GoT yOu EvEn Up ThE gUmPtIoN tO aLl FuCkIn Do ThE sHiT lIkE tHaT? AT: eRR, i DON'T KNOW, iT'S JUST, AT: kIND OF THE OBVIOUS THING TO DO, AT: sTICK THE CIRCLE IN FRONT OF THE DOTS, aND, bEHIND THE BENDY ONE, AT: pLUS, oH YEAH, mY HORNS, TC: hAhAhAhA. AT: mAYBE WE CAN SLAM ABOUT IT, ... TC: fUuUuCk, So FuCkIn FrEsH. TC: YoU nEeD tO bE sLaPpEd FuCkIn SiLlY wItH a MoUtH lIkE tHaT! hAhA. AT: aND, iF YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH IT, AT: tHEN i SUGGEST YOU GO AND RAP IT DUDE,

He feels safe with Gamzee, enough to take a bit of an attitude with him, enough to open up about his insecurities about his disability and how much he wishes he was like Pupa Pan, and Gamzee explicitly states he feels calm when he talks to Tavros, which is the stated function of a moirallegiance.

TC: Me tOo, BrO, yOu mOtHeR FuCkIn kNoW ThErE Be sOmE Of mY EyE's RoYaL JeLlY To gO WiTh yOuR EmOtIoNaL pEaNuT BuTtEr. AT: wHOA, aHA, hA, TC: ThIs iS BeAuTiFuL, dUdE, i fEeL So aT ChIlL WiTh yOu. AT: yEAH, fRIENDLINESS WITH YOU IS, pRETTY MUCH ALWAYS NICE, aND FUN TO HAVE,

And the thing is, trolls are constantly getting into moirallegiances when they want to be flushed (Eridan, Kanaya), having palecrushes when they want to be friends (Gamzee), and winding up flushed with their moirail (pale solfef is forshadowed in the same breath as pale erikar, and they don't seem to confirm a matespritship until after Sollux's actual flushed crush, Aradia, explodes). Especially for Gamzee, who was neglected by his lusus and struggles with social interaction to the point where he feels like he has to hide his real self (casteist beliefs, constant talk of religion and murder, which, by the way, come out when he talks to Tavros), it'd be easy for him to mistake the "instinctive attraction" of moirallegiance for the passions of matespritship.

These thoughts are all pretty disorganized - I'm really sorry, it's super late/early for me and I'm exhausted for other reasons - but I hope that that . was what you wanted? hahah

[reasonsforhope]

hey i get what youre trying to say with the taylor swift post but as of a few days ago shes trying to sue a college student who posts her (publicly available) flight logs. she very much does not give a shit about her carbon emissions and she shouldn’t be celebrated for her mediocre attempts to seem climate-conscious

I get what you're saying, definitely. I also did actually know about the thing with the college student when I posted that, so I wanted to give some context about why I made that post:

First, I personally didn't view it as celebrating her so much as celebrating progress. I think that if we never acknowledge wins, we'll end up dispirited very quickly

Second, recognizing when people decide to be less shitty is, at least I think, an important carrot in the carrot-and-stick dynamic of using public opinion to influence public figures

Lastly - and this may well be an unpopular opinion - but I don't actually hold her actions re: the college student against her

Why?

Well, for one, it was a cease and desist letter, not an attempted lawsuit. A cease and desist letter isn't legally binding, nor is it the start of a lawsuit - it's more like she's Putting Him On Notice. A cease and desist order can be followed by a lawsuit, if it's ignored, but it doesn't initiate one. Likely Taylor Swift will try several other steps of resolution before actually telling her lawyers to sue this guy, if only because the headlines would Not look good (x, x)

But more than that, I don't hold it against her because when Taylor Swift says that it's a matter of life and death for her, I believe that's very true.

Like, don't get me wrong, I'm not mad about her flight data being up either. And I'm not particularly a fan of Taylor Swift

But I also think that if I had to read through the rape and death threats she gets on an almost-certainly-daily basis, I'd want to vomit.

And I think that was true before Trump and his minions got obsessed with the idea that she's the keystone in the next Biden-election-stealing Pentagon psyops plot. Now - especially in the days right before the Superbowl, when this alleged conspiracy is supposed to happen - I don't even want to think about the brutality of the threats she's receiving

(For anyone going "Uh, wtf?" about the MAGA Superbowl Taylor Swift conspiracy thing, yes, I hate to inform you that it's A Whole Thing. More info here: x, x, x, x, x, x)

Taylor Swift does have stalkers, and now she has a bunch of MAGA paramilitary conspiracy theorists absolutely furious with her. If I were her, I'd want to do every single thing I could to keep information on my movements and in-the-moment location off the internet, too

tl;dr: I don't necessarily think she cares about the environment, but I'm not mad at her for sending a cease and desist letter because I think without her extensive security, she would be in real danger now, including possibly danger of being killed by armed MAGA conspiracy theorists

You're allowed to be mad at her and dislike her (obviously!), you're allowed to totally disagree with my attitude toward the cease and desist. I just wanted to share my rationale for including the post (and it is something I went back and forth on tbh)

[tagidearte]

"Pongo, the Imp Clown. Some say he used to be a Star, others say that's just his delusional ramblings." -Original Character for a (so far) unnamed Original Story.

I'm still in the early stages of designing him and his "friend" Pinga. However, I decided to share these initial drafts regardless! This way someone other than me can join in on the character design journey! Let's see how much he changes until the final design! Thoughts below.

Concept Log #1 - Pongo

Aka I want to ramble and my friends don't care robot clowns. Really big rambly rant below.

Also no, this is not a d/ca oc. Trust me, making a robot clown/jester is like walking into a laser trap when you've been obsessing over those two for the past three years. The only d/ca inspiration here was making Pongo warm coloured and Pinga cool coloured. If anything, this was more inspired by the Funtimes.

For now, I hate all the outfits. They don't fit his vibe, his personality, his whole persona. He's an imp clown, but he has... Delusions of grandeur. I need to make him more princely, perhaps? I'll attempt that next time. I already have the chibi base, so it'll be relatively quick.

I also want to make his casing... Different. Either paler with pink shadows, or a darker, more solid pink. He's meant to have only warm colours, contrasting with Pinga (you'll see him some other time) who only has cold ones, so no blues or greens... But I must say. Darker pink will probably win. When I painted his face white it looked too much like a Slay Button En/nard. In fact, I added all that eye and lip makeup to make him look less like En/nard.

The coil torso is the most important part. On a final drawing I'll make it have more loops, which should give the impression the thing is stronger and capable of more powerful bounces (which can hurt you if he decides to launch) - but for these concepts I merely half assed it. The star shaped hat with the back cone coming out is my favourite part!

Hope you enjoy his star shaped nipple coverings as much as I did coming up with them! Originally (not pictured here) he was going to have a big star on his chest, to mimic what I see in a lot of jack in a box's boxes. But the nipple coverings were so raunchy and funny, yet still appropriate for younger audiences (in world), that I left them in. Him being a reformed villain (in the media he's built after, inside the world) allows for messing around with the makeup and eccentricity, but we can't go to far - he needs to look PG while being predominantly adult/teen entertainment as an amusement park bot.

For context... Ever since I got into FN4F I've wanted to do something similar - with a location and mascots -, but instead of an USA animal band, I wanted it to be based on a cartoon set in a magical forest (like Noddy from my childhood - with a city of living toys and two imps that lived in the eViL wOoDs-, but funny for all ages rather than so 5 year old centric). Overtime, the thought of sentient robots forced to work - objects that were given a soul, trapped in a synthetic shell that is their body, dependent on humanity and property to it despite technically being alive, easy to manipulate via some changes in code - wormed itself in.

But I never really had the proper setting or characters for it. That, and I have another original story that has plagued my dreams ever since I was 12/13.

Until now.

I won't go into setting details yet. Let me just say Pinga and Pongo are a ping pong pun, because they both bob up and down with coils - Pongo on his torso, which makes him kind of like a jack in a box; and Pinga on his legs, which allows him to jump really high. They are based on cartoon characters that exist in world, from a movies series that ended up with a cartoon too, sort of like disney stuff but... Not disney. The entire mythos of that company's content takes place in one single world/franchise, it just explores different parts of it with each new series/movie/game.

Pongo is an egomaniac, programmed the be flirty to adults, who struggles on the line between property and self. He used to give a lot of trouble to the park, because his AI allowed him to learn new tricks rather quickly... and most weren't really all that safe or appropriate. So, time and time again, he got sent back to fix it. Having his "brain" messed with has made him deeply afraid of not behaving like a machine, which clashes with how self pleasing he is - you just don't realize it at first, because he's programmed to be a flirty little demon with an attitude. It's just that his real attitude is much more... intense.

Let's see if posting this online makes me not put the project aside too quickly lmao.

[thousand-winters]

I like to think Hunter and Eber had a pretty okay relationship when Hunter was younger and before Belos put the indoctrination in overdrive. Like young Hunter loved to hold Eber and touch his fur because he’s soft and the texture was nice, Eber also liked to show off beast keeping tricks to him but then Eber noticed how uncomfortable Hunter made Darius and decided even though Hunter was an alright kid, he cares more about his best friend than some toddler he doesn’t really know. So he started ignoring Hunter and eventually growling at him which as you can imagine confuses and hurts Hunter and unfortunately as Eber later sadly concludes when everything is over with, pushes Hunter deeper into Belos’s arms

Ow.

I usually figure that Belos kept Hunter pretty isolated and it didn't matter much when Hunter was a kid because he was being trained as a scout along with everyone else, so there are chances people didn't even know he was Belos' nephew, even if it was quite unusual for a powerless kid to be in there.

The possibility that he did interact with them is painful tho... I could imagine Eber being good with kids because they know how to be patient and they're also used to beasts here and there being somewhat rowdy so a little kid? Is nothing compared to that. All the other Coven Heads were NOT interested in entertaining a little kid or they were probably kinda creepy and Hunter didn't want to get close to them (looking at you, Terra), so he probably would have started approaching Eber more than anybody else, and unfortunately for him, that means Darius as well.

I can't imagine Darius did anything different than what he did later on, aka, simply ignore him and not give him the time of day, which he could excuse very well because he's a Coven Head, he has his responsibilities and he can't just spend his time entertaining a kid that isn't even his, least of all the Emperor's nephew who presumably should be well taken care of. Technically he's royalty.

But of course, Eber of all people wouldn't buy the "oh, I'm just not paid to be a babysitter" and would notice something else is up with Darius' reactions and as bubbly as the kid is, it's not like he knows him personally so between his friend/sibling and a random kid... well. Eber keeps his loyalties.

I'm thinking he might not have even intended to be that hostile initially but say, maybe when Hunter officially became the Golden Guard, Darius was particularly tense for obvious reasons and Hunter approached which made Eber react out of instinct and... well. It worked, Hunter backed off and Darius looked a little calmer and Eber kinda didn't think about it further than that.

I know the technical reason why Hunter points out Darius and Eber in his palismen logs and none of the others probably has to do with them being the only Coven Heads that had been properly introduced at that point, plus the rebels, but it's sad to think too he always noticed them in particular even then because they were the nicest anyway even if they were avoiding him like the plague. He knows they don't want him around, but they're still the closest thing he had to a friendly presence around, which is just depressing but what about his life isn't anyway...

[idyllic-ghost]

title: dear valentine

pairing: student!woozi x student!reader

genre: idiots to lovers, rivals/friends to lovers, fluff, romance

warnings: slight angst if you squint, mentions of alcohol consumption

synopsis: valentine’s day is approaching fast, and your university is set to celebrate it well. a group of students calling themselves the pink eros group has created a website for other students to send anonymous love letters to a random match. you and your friend, jihoon, find it stupid and a waste of time… but in secret, you decide to create an account. it’s not like a love letter to a stranger can change anything, right?

a/n: this is a @svthub collab! if i hadn't had such a busy schedule, this would be a lot more detailed - but it is what it is!

word count: 6.4k

rating: PG 13

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"They can't be serious...", you sighed.

"Would anyone even agree to do this?", Jihoon asked rhetorically.

The poster hung up on the wall was bright pink. With big, bold, letters it said: "Looking for a Valentine's day date? The Pink Eros Group is to your rescue! Join our website, www.pinkerosletters.com, to join in the search for true love. More information is to be found on the website!"

"This color combination is atrocious", you grimaced.

"But it does bring your eyes to the price, right?", a voice appeared behind you, "You see, if we want people to see it, it has to be right. Basic color theory."

You turned around to see Seungkwan, looking proudly at the pink poster. He was in a few of your classes, and you knew him enough for him to sneak up on you to not be incredibly strange. Seungkwan was the definition of sweet and sour. He was always kind, but he could get passive-aggressive if you poked fun at him. All in all, he was a social butterfly. If anyone would have anything to do with this poster, it would be him.

"That's not what color theory is, Kwan", Jihoon sighed.

"Whatever it's called, it worked", he shrugged, "Are either of you interested?"

"Not in the slightest", Jihoon scoffed, and you hummed in agreement, "Did you do this? Are you the Pink Eros Group?"

"Well, it's me, along with a few others. We got some from the student council, that way we could get ahold of their budget and use it for the website. You guys know Kim Wonwoo, right? He helped us set it all up. There are a lot of people in this group, including Jeonghan- you guys know Jeonghan, don't you?", Seungkwan ranted.

"Do you realize that the initialism for Pink Eros Group is PEG?", you asked as you kept looking at the poster.

Jihoon tried to hold back his laughter, while you could feel Seungkwan's cold gaze on your neck. However, as always, he had a comeback up his sleeve.

"Well, hopefully, some people will get that through our hard work", he shrugged, "Don't hide away my poster with your bad vibes. Don’t you have class or something?"

Both you and Jihoon huffed out an excuse and started moving, saying goodbye to Seungkwan in the process. It was a stupid idea, the Pink Eros Group, it really was... but a part of you was a bit curious. You looked over at your friend walking beside you. Jihoon and you had been friends since high school. Even back then, you were butting heads over who would get the best scores on tests. It was a tradition that had continued in university. In all classes you had together, you would compete against each other. The otherwise playful motivation tactic had turned into a shield for you. If you were so focused on academic conquest, you would have no time to think about your growing feelings for your best friend. And it was for the best this way. There was too much history that could be ruined by your confession for you to ever dare try to tell him.

"What are you thinking about?", Jihoon brought you out of your thoughts.

"Next week's test...", you mumbled.

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Towards the end of the day, when you had finally gotten home, you logged onto your computer to look through your upcoming assignments. You stared blankly at your screen, reading the words but never understanding their meaning. There was only one thought in your mind - "Pink Eros". Maybe by focusing on a new love interest, of sorts, you could forget all about your unruly crush.

With shaky hands, you typed the website into the search bar. To your surprise, the site wasn't as horrifyingly pink as Seungkwan's poster. It had a baby pink background and one bubble in the middle saying 'type here'. Above that bubble was text. "Write your email address or phone number here. You will be provided with another link, along with an anonymous username and password", it said.

"What am I even doing..?", you whispered to yourself as you typed in your number, hoping that no one would get a hold of this information.

For the next few minutes, you stared at your phone as you waited for a message. When it finally popped up, you clicked on the link and typed in the information it gave you. You contemplated if it was really worth it if your username had to be "dear_valentine17". Nevertheless, you typed in the given information and were then greeted with a form you had to fill out. It told you to click on your preferences, such as age range, gender preferences, interests, and so on - just like a dating site. You clicked through the options with only one thing in mind: trying to find a replacement.

Once you had finished setting everything up, the website told you to wait while they found you a match. A sigh escaped your lips as you leaned back against the wall by your bed. This must have been one of the most delusional things you had done. You put your hands over your face and rubbed your eyes, it was time for bed. Maybe this could lead to something, maybe you would be over this tomorrow morning. Either way, you had to get away from it now.

That morning, you went over to the kitchen of your dorm and started making breakfast. One of the girls in your dorm was also there, happily humming as she made tea. You didn't remember her name, but you did know that she wasn't usually like this.

"Good morning!", she said.

"Morning", you mumbled, "Having a good start to your day?"

"I am! I just got my Pink Eros match", she said, "Did you sign up?"

"What? No", you lied, "Sorry, just not my thing"

The girl laughed a little, and it seemed to you like she knew. However, you didn't mind, or tried to, as you continued making your breakfast.

"I think it's a cute idea", she shrugged, "And, if anything, it's a great way to meet new people... unless you get matched with someone you know... then it'll be awkward."

"Well, there's no chance of that", you chuckled and then quickly added, "You know... because I'm not making an account."

"Right", she giggles and starts to leave, "I'll see you around, wish me luck with my valentine searching!"

"Good luck...", you waved goodbye.

People started coming into the kitchen, making you quickly finish up what you were doing and escape back to your room. You didn't feel like sitting through people's teasing about the Valentine's day app any longer.

After eating, you got ready for a day of classes - from time to time you would check your phone for the message. While walking to class you stopped by a café, where you knew you would find Jihoon. As soon as you spot him you smile. His entire posture exuded tiredness. clearly having stayed up for most of the night, and his hair was wet, probably from a quick shower after going to the gym early this morning. Sometimes he surprised you with how hard he worked, but you'd never admit that to him. The most you would do was pat him on the back, and tell him to go to bed. He looks at you, waves, and smiles kindly. The kind of smile that is mostly seen through the eyes, and not from the corner of the person's lips perking up. It was his tired smile.

"Good morning, sleepyhead", you said and sat down in front of him.

"I ordered you a coffee", he answered, "They'll come out with it in a second."

"Why thank you", you smiled at him, "You haven't started reading through the new material without me, have you?"

"... I might have skimmed through it a bit last night", he admitted and pulled up a book from his bag and put it beside his computer.

"It's alright, I read it last night too", you grinned, "What do you say about a discussion before we go through the text in class?"

"Sounds great"

A buzzing signal sounded out. Both you and Jihoon pulled up your phones and looked at them, but there was nothing on your screen. You put your phone down on the table in slight defeat. Jihoon's ears started turning red as he read his message, but instead of answering he put away his phone. You were feeling jittery, and trying not to make it show by focusing on looking through your bag. Just a few seconds later, your phone buzzed. A message, saying that the Pink Eros Group had found your match.

"... so", you put your phone away, "What did you think about the text?"

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The two of you talked about the text until the coffee came out, then the conversation drifted off to other subjects. Soon enough, you started walking to class together. You were tempted to take your phone out and look at your match, but you couldn't when Jihoon was watching. Him finding out would be the most embarrassing thing to happen to you yet. You wouldn't be able to put up with his teasing. So when the time came, while you went to the bathroom during a break, you looked at your phone.

Welcome, dear_valentine17!

The Pink Eros Group introduces to you, your match: 01_loverboy! If any complications would come out of this match, we have a block button and an option for you to find a new match.

For now, you will be able to send an introduction letter to your match whenever you want. After that, one person will have to wait while the other person writes their letter - think of it as digital snail mail! Please be aware that there can be delays when sending a message.

Thank you for joining the Pink Eros Group! We hope we have found your match!

// The Pink Eros Group

"... loverboy", you sighed, "What am I doing..?"

When you got home that night you decided to sit down and look through your match's profile. He was a man the same age as you, with interests in music and baseball, and he was looking for something fun and not too serious. After looking through his profile you started typing out a letter for your match.

Hi, loverboy! I'm happy to finally match with someone, I hope we'll find out we have a lot in common. I'm sure you can find out most of my information in my profile. I don't know what else to say, I'm not very used to these sorts of things. Hope to hear from you soon!

As soon as you sent the message another message popped into your inbox. It seemed that you had to send that first message to unlock the one he had sent. However, as soon as you saw what he had written you only felt embarrassed by the sorry excuse of a letter you wrote.

Dear Valentine, It's a fitting name they gave you. A few days ago I couldn't imagine making an account here, I'm hoping you'll make it worth the invasive questionnaire (and I hope I can do the same for you). I don't usually do these kinds of romantic things, but this may be good for me. I'm curious, what is your favorite thing to do? What hobby would you say defines you? I know that most people would say that studying is my defining quality, but I really enjoy making music. I play a few instruments, and, if you promise to keep it a secret, I've been making a few songs. They're very personal, so I don't think I would ever release them, but I really enjoy the process. Maybe you could be my next muse? I'm only joking, of course. I'd love to hear from you soon. I don't know how this website will work, but I hope it won't take too long for me to hear from you. Yours truly, Loverboy

You stared in awe at the text. In comparison, your message was shit. Moreover, when you click away from the message the screen reads "wait for your match to send a reply". You couldn't even make up for the little bit you had written! If he didn't block you, he would for sure not be interested. You leaned your head back and took a deep breath. Maybe you were thinking too much about this. It didn't have to be that serious.

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When you woke up the next morning you couldn't bring yourself to check for a letter. Instead, you went about your day as normal and ended up at Jihoon's student apartment at the end of the day.

"Hand me the vocab sheet, would you?", Jihoon sighs.

When you hand him the paper, your fingers touch his, and it makes you quickly pull your hand away. Jihoon seemed to be too tired to notice it. He rubbed his forehead with one hand, while he held the paper in the other. It was always nice to be in Jihoon's apartment - you remember how much he bragged when he first found it. And it was a good deal, it was fairly close to campus and he had privacy.

"We should take a break, Ji", you say, "You're practically asleep."

"No, no... I got this", he sighs yet again.

You close his laptop and he only glares at you. The one annoying thing about Jihoon's apartment is that it was so small. Right now, the two of you were sitting on his bed. It was either that or his kitchen table. You moved his computer and propped yourself up against the wall.

"Rest", you insisted, "You need it."

"... you won't try to get ahead of me, will you?", he joked and moved to sit beside you.

"I'm resting with you", you said.

Jihoon leaned his head on your shoulder and closed his eyes. His breathing was slow and steady, and you could feel his pulse from his temple against you. Your hand grabbed his hand and started playing with his fingers. Jihoon huffed out a short laugh. This wasn't friend stuff, no, but it was just the sort of relationship you had with him.

"Don't let me fall asleep...", he murmured.

"Fall asleep if you need to fall asleep, alright?", you hummed, "I'll be here. I'll wake you up before I have to leave."

"No, you can't leave...", he slurred.

Your heart started beating faster. He always did this, but it never got easier. After a short pause, you let go of his hand. He had fallen asleep. It wasn't hard for him to fall asleep quickly on days like these when he had barely gotten any sleep the night before. You picked up your phone and noticed an unread notification.

You have a new letter!

You sighed and looked over at Jihoon. He really was asleep. So you opened the message and decided to read your new letter.

Dear Valentine, I have to say, the first letter to send is the hardest. This system is slightly flawed, but we can work with it. I'm sorry if I came off very strong in my first letter, I was overthinking it a lot. You seem like a calm person, I appreciate that. I'm sorry if I sound extremely Shakespearian, I won't compare you to a summer's day or anything - unless you want to. But I hope you get back to me soon!

A smile crept up on your lips. It was nice to have a complete stranger be interested in you despite you making a complete ass of yourself in the first message. This Loverboy must be pretty positive to look at your message on the bright side. You looked at Jihoon, sleeping soundly beside you. It wouldn't hurt to just type out a few sentences right here, he was asleep after all, and you really wanted to respond as soon as possible.

You didn’t come off too strong at all, don’t worry about it! If anything, I should’ve put a little more thought into my message (o^ ^o) 

You pressed send and then let it go, deciding to scroll on your phone a bit more, in an attempt to let Jihoon rest before you woke him up.

Before you left that evening you woke Jihoon up, like you promised. At first, he only gripped your arm tighter, not letting go. When you laughed and told him to let go of you, he did so reluctantly.

"You could sleep over", he sighed, "I can sleep on the floor."

"I don't think so", you chuckled, "You need proper rest."

Jihoon rolled his eyes, and you ignored him. As you gathered your things you could feel his eyes on you. You knew that if you looked back he would get you to stay. He wouldn't beg. Jihoon would never. But he would look at you in a way that you couldn't say no to.

"Alright, I'm off!", you went for the door, "See you tomorrow before class?"

"Same place as always..."

Later that night, as you were getting ready for bed, you got a new message:

I’m really happy you replied! (ᵔ◡ᵔ) I got worried for a second when I didn’t hear from you for an entire day.

You started feeling bad for not responding faster, and decided to type out a message immediately. 

Sorry about that! I wish I could say that I was busy, but I was really just scared〜(＞＜)〜

It didn’t even take a second before he replied again:

Oh, that’s alright! I get it, I’m not used to this either

You smiled at your phone. Whoever this was, and whatever he looked like, you could at least say that he was nice. Maybe you were being a bit naive, but it just felt right.

I’m actually about to go to bed now ( ╥ω╥ ) We keep missing each other

Stay on with me for a little bit longer? He wrote.

Sure! But only a little bit… what do you want to talk about?

It took some time for him to respond, so you got comfortable in your bed and waited patiently. When he finally replied, you almost jumped in excitement.

Tell me about yourself. I want to get to know you.

Once again, you smiled at your phone. You were now determined that this was a good choice after all. 

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As the days passed, you started getting closer to your loverboy. He was timid, yet charming. Sometimes he was hesitant to tell you things, but who wouldn't be in this situation? Either way, you were always happy to see the notification from him. A part of you wanted to tell him your name, meet up, and forget about your unrequited, real-life, crush. But it never came to that. Your real-life crush seemed to be as ignorant as always. The two of you kept meeting up as usual, and only a few times would he do things that made your heart race. During those times, you kept thinking back to your letters in an attempt to convince yourself that you were "spoken for". You weren't actually though, and this method never really worked as a result.

One night you were at a house party, where the host was the friend of a friend. You didn’t know many people, and you thought it would be fine. However, as soon as you walked into the place, a big apartment that still had too many people in it, you felt claustrophobic. As soon as you could, you snuck out onto the balcony. There was nobody there, understandably so since it was so cold, but it was perfect for you. You pulled out your phone and looked at your notification. 

Hey, what are you up to tonight?

It was your loverboy. You smiled at your phone. Drink in one hand, you used the other to type out a message back.

At a party with my friend. I lost her some time ago, and now I’m standing out of sight… how about you?

It took some time for him to answer. You took the time to look around for your friend from where you were standing. There was no way you could find her. Worst case scenario, you would have to text her that you were leaving soon.

I’m trying to figure out how to avoid going out. But I promised someone, and he’s very persistent. Wish me luck!(>_&lt;)

You wrote a quick “good luck” and put your phone down. As you were debating if you should go back in, you locked eyes with Jihoon. He waved at you as his smile grew, and you waved back. Without hesitation, he started walking to the balcony. Soon enough he was standing right beside you. The music from inside the apartment was booming, but the glass doors muffled it slightly.

“How are you doing?”, he asked and put his beer down on the table in the corner of the balcony.

“I’m freezing”, you admitted, “But it’s better than being in there. I got dragged here by someone, so I feel a bit obligated to stay”

Jihoon started pulling off the zip-up hoodie he was wearing and handed it to you. You tried to stop him, but he wasn’t listening. A few seconds later, you were wearing his hoodie. 

“You should be wearing more clothes”, he huffed, “I won’t always be around to save you”

“I had a jacket, but I put it away when I got inside”, you explained.

He picked up his beer again and took a sip. There was a moment where you just watched him, and you didn’t feel weird about it because he wasn’t looking at you. Jihoon was looking inside, clearly amused about something. He turned his head to you, and motioned for you to look inside. Soonyoung was in the middle of the room, clearly already drunk, and dancing like no one was watching.

“So that’s why you’re here”, you hummed, “Are you helping him home later tonight?”

“You could say that”, he sighed, “He’s probably going to crash at my apartment. We’ll see.”

“Still… I’m glad you’re here”, you said and then quickly backtracked, “Because, you know, otherwise I’d be freezing my ass off right now”

Jihoon laughed and you felt your heart do a summersault in your chest. There was something so satisfying about being able to make him laugh. He pulled the hood of the jacket over your head. It hung well over your eyes. When you moved it to look at him he was grinning widely. At this moment, you felt like maybe you should say something - that now could be the right time to actually confess to him. Jihoon looked back inside and tapped your shoulder.

“There’s someone in there waving at us”

You looked inside and saw your friend quickly approaching the glass doors.

“I think that’s my sign to leave”, you started taking off the hoodie to give it back to Jihoon, but he quickly stopped you.

“You should keep it on if you’re leaving. Even if you do have a jacket, it’ll be very cold, and your dorm isn’t exactly near here.”, he explained, “I’ll be fine, I brought an extra jacket.”

“Thank you”, you smiled and quickly made your way inside.

Later that night, you were still in his hoodie. It smelled like him and made it feel like he was giving you a constant hug. You were going to give it back… but maybe you should just wash it first to be nice.

✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧

Jihoon was sitting in front of you in the library. It was a secluded corner, but it wouldn't matter if you sat in a crowded area; you would still only be paying attention to him. The hoodie you had borrowed was neatly folded and hanging over the armrest on his chair.  He was reading, sighing as he flipped the page. You knew he didn't like this particular course, so you offered to study with him even though you weren't in his class. You were supposed to be working on an assignment, but you couldn't focus.

"Have you heard anything about that Valentine's website?", he asked out of the blue, not pulling his eyes away from the book.

Your cheeks flushed red, thinking what if he knew that you had made an account. The best option was to lie, but you had to calm down before you could speak. You picked up your water bottle, giving yourself a moment to collect yourself while you were drinking. Jihoon looked up at you when you hadn't responded for a while. His eyes were piercing your soul, looking for an answer, and you nearly choked.

"No, I haven't...", you shook your head and put down the water bottle, "Maybe you should ask Seungkwan."

"It's nothing serious", he explained and looked back in his book, "Just heard that people are apparently meeting up now."

"Meeting up?", you hummed, "What about it? You're not on there, are you?"

"No chance", he scoffed, "I just sort of think that it defeats the point, doesn't it?"

You felt like you were back in high school again. During Valentine's, you could get as many cards or chocolates as you could imagine, but it never really mattered. Jihoon never got you anything. Understandably so, it wasn't in his nature to do something like that. And it's not like he was obligated to do so. However, every year you got your hopes up that maybe he would. Instead, the only thing you got from him was a short speech about how it's a holiday created for people to buy more things. You watched as his pointer finger fiddled with the page he was about to turn, before finally turning it. Jihoon put his hand on the sentence he was reading before looking back up at you.

"I think it's nice", you admitted while looking back at your computer, "I know you don't like Valentine's, but some people do, and if they want to meet up, then they should."

Jihoon stayed quiet for a while. You could feel his eyes on you, but you refused to look up. You were getting tired of this, especially now that you had a person paying attention to you. Sure, you had never met him, but during the time you had been messaging him, he had been more affectionate toward you than Jihoon ever had.

"I like Valentine's", Jihoon huffed.

"No, you don't", you scoffed and finally met his eyes, "You always call it a materialistic holiday."

"It is a materialistic holiday", he started smiling, "That doesn't mean I can't appreciate it for its fundamental message."

"Shut up", you laughed, "You're making fun of me!"

"I'm not making fun of you, I'm serious!", Jihoon laughed with you, "All I'm saying is that if they meet up it defeats the point of being anonymous letter-buddies."

You looked at him as if he were ridiculous. He lightly shook his head and looked back in his book. You felt like you had dodged a bullet.

"Why do you care all of the sudden?", you hummed and went back to your assignment.

"... I don't", he shrugged.

"Sure you don't..."

"What? I don't!", he looked back at you, "Why would I go on a website when I have you?"

Even though you knew what he meant, your heart skipped a beat. He was joking, it was obvious in his tone, but your body still reacted to it. As you were about to respond, you were interrupted by a text message coming to your phone. You looked at it, it was from your loverboy. An involuntary smile crept its way onto your lips.

“What?”, he asked, suddenly a bit more serious.

“It’s nothing”, you played it off and put your phone down.

Jihoon hummed in response and returned to reading. You looked at him for a while, trying to read what he was thinking, but you got nothing. Instead, you looked back at your phone and decided to read the message.

I was thinking of you earlier, I’ve been trying to figure out a way to ask if we could ever meet up(o´▽`o)

A sigh escaped your lips, not loud enough for anyone to hear, and you put your phone down. You looked over at Jihoon. He was still not looking your way. You could lie to yourself, say that you really did like this stranger and wanted to meet. However, it was getting harder and harder to do. Jihoon flipped a page again, and you simply watched as he followed the text with his pointer finger. No, you couldn’t tell him now. You could never tell him. If you did, he would only reject you and everything would be ruined. But you couldn’t lie to yourself and pretend you didn’t like him, or ignore your feelings with the help of another person. That wasn’t right to do, you were using this stranger, and he was clearly into you. You put away your phone and packed up your things.

“Do you want to get coffee?”, you asked Jihoon.

“Hm? Oh… sure”, he nodded and started packing up as well.

Just because you were suffering didn’t mean that anyone else had to.

✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧

That was the last time you ever heard from your loverboy. The years passed and you forgot about him completely. Now, ten years later, you were doing well for yourself. You had a stable job in a field you enjoyed, an apartment in a good neighborhood, and even a cat. However, you never managed to find yourself a partner. You had dated around, but nothing more had ever happened. That’s why, while you were laying in bed and procrastinating falling asleep, you decided to go back to that Pink Eros website. Maybe it was also because Valentine’s day was approaching, and you were feeling a little desperate. It took some tries before you could remember the password, but you got it in the end. The website still worked. It was slightly different than you remembered, so it must have been reused after you left school. Without second-guessing, you typed out a message:

Hey… how are you?

Then you put your phone down. It was enough for tonight. You weren’t even sure that you would get a response. But the very next day, in the middle of making breakfast, your phone pinged. You looked away from making your sandwich to check your phone. It was a message from Pink Eros.

It’s been a while, Valentine. I’m good, how about you?

You let go of everything to answer.

I’m alright! I’m sorry for not answering you for all these years.

It only took a few minutes before you got a reply.

Things happen. What can you do?

You took a deep breath and hesitated to send the next message.

Maybe I could make it up to you? Do you want to meet up sometime in the future?

Sure.

It just so happened that you and your anonymous pen pal were in the same city right now. The two of you had agreed to meet up on Valentine’s day, just for coffee. So, you put on the most Valentine-esque thing you had in your closet and were off. The two of you had decided on a small street corner café, which was just a few blocks from your apartment. To signal that it was him, so that you didn’t have to walk up to strangers and ask if they were your anonymous pen pal, he would be sitting at a specific table in the corner and he would bring a red rose to put right in the middle of said table. You were practically skipping down the street. A bag in your hand, with a small box of chocolates as a present for him. This might have been the most reckless thing you had done in a while, but you decided not to think of it. 

 The door to the café let out a delightful ding as you stepped inside. There weren’t many people around, so your eyes immediately drifted off to the corner where your pen pal should sit. You were met with a familiar pair of eyes. Jihoon. Now older, but not in a way that made him look worn. After college you had tried to keep contact, but the two of you had started leading such different lives. You had drifted apart. Not completely, of course, there were the usual texts. Sometimes he would come into town to visit you, but it had been a while since he last did that. You noticed the red rose on the table, and your feet started moving on their own towards him.

“Hi”, was all he said, and you couldn’t answer, “... I’ll get you a coffee.”

He got up from his seat and walked over to the counter where an eager barista was waiting for him to order. You watched them interact as you sat down. Jihoon was timid, yet kind, as he ordered for you - your usual. The barista had a big “customer service” smile on her lips. You could tell that rush hour hadn’t started yet in this little café. When Jihoon returned, you kept your gaze on your hands in your lap.

“You remember my order?”, you asked softly.

“Why wouldn’t I?”, he said, and made you look up.

“Jihoon, we haven’t seen each other in almost two years”, you pointed out, “Why didn’t you tell me you were here?”

He was quiet, and you hated it. It meant that he didn’t have an answer. He didn’t have an excuse for not contacting you when he was here. By the look on his face, you could guess that he had been here before without telling you too.

“I don’t know”, he sighed, “This is… a bit too much. Can we start over?”

“Sure”, you took a deep breath, “Are you… were you on that website all those years ago?”

The barista came over with two cups of coffee, and took away the cup that Jihoon had already finished. You both thanked her and waited for her to leave until you started talking again.

“Well, clearly”, he let out an awkward laugh, “I’m sorry for not telling you, it was stupid.”

You paused again, looking into your coffee cup. The latte art was of a heart. It was so pretty you almost didn’t want to drink it, and the clump in your throat certainly didn’t help. It never crossed your mind that this could happen, that it would be Jihoon sitting in front of you right now. 

“I never told you either, you know”, you said, “I was just as stupid… this is for you, by the way.”

You gave him the small bag, and he murmured out a thank you. Jihoon picked up the small box of chocolates from the bag and opened it. A smile spread across his lips as he saw what it was. 

“Thank you, Y/N”, he seemed more comfortable now, “I’m sorry I didn’t get you anything.”

“You bought me coffee”, you picked up the rose from the table, “And this, I guess”

The two of you chuckled. He put his hand on the table, and in an experimental step forward you put your hand right next to yours. His pinky slowly moved closer to your hand, but he never broke eye contact. You finally took his hand in yours, his touch sending sparks through your chest.

“I missed you”, you admitted, “A lot.”

“I missed you a lot too”, he gently rubbed his thumb across the back of your hand, “I should have called you.”

“Well, I could have called you too”, you added, “I never had the guts to. I didn’t even have the guts to respond to your last message on that stupid website, which I’m sorry for just leaving you like that.”

“It’s fine, you had your reasons I’m sure.”

“My reason was actually… you.”

He looked at you, slightly confused, and you can barely believe that you just said that. You gripped his hand, suddenly scared that he would go away. But he didn’t go away. In fact, he squeezed your hand right back.

“I stopped writing to you because I was in love with… well, you”, you admitted, “Of course, I didn’t know that I was writing to you- I’m sorry this is so confusing.”

Jihoon’s ears were bright red, and his hand gripped you even tighter. Your heart was beating out of your rib cage, and you wished that your hands weren’t sweating profusely. 

“... you were in love with me?”, he asked softly.

“So incredibly in love with you”, you laughed, “I… if I’m being completely honest, those feelings never went away. I understand if this is a bit uncomfortable, but I just needed to tell you.”

“It’s alright”, he took a deep breath, “I started liking you back in high school. Never really stopped either.”

“High school? When?”, you smiled.

“... it was the summer before our second year. We were on that old playground, on the swings”, he explained, “You… had done something new with your hair and you kept playing around with it. I mean, you were completely messing it up- but in a cute way, I guess. I don’t know…”

“That means… you started liking me before I liked you”, you grinned, “Which means I win.”

“You win? What?”, he scoffed, “You’re making this a competition?”

“Of course”, you shrugged, “Isn’t everything with us a competition?”

Jihoon’s eyebrows raised as he thought about it. He started nodding and pursed his lips, letting out a soft “yeah” in agreement. The two of you laughed. You noticed that his hand was still in yours, and nothing had ever felt so right. 

“So, you’re loverboy…”, you took a deep breath.

“And you’re… my valentine”, he smiled, “Is that okay?”

“More than okay”, you nodded, “I don’t think you understand how much I’ve wanted this.”

“If it’s anything like how much I’ve wanted it, then I think I understand”, he said.

There was a lot to figure out, and you knew it wouldn’t be easy, but for a moment you let yourself enjoy this. You could finally spend your Valentine’s day with someone you love.

[angelfevr]

akane kurashiki is (not) allocishet: an analysis

[pt: akane kurashiki is (not) allocishet: an analysis. end pt].

okay so we’ve been meaning to write this for a while but havent bc we’ve been focusing on other projects. slight disclaimer if u dont agree w this hc thats fine, just dont be a dick just bc it interferes w ur own interpretation . we all have our own ways of reading the text so. Yeah!! lets get started

so i just wanna say akane is a character i resonate with in a lot of ways, and a lot of what im going to say comes from my and others’ experiences. ur identities and experiences r def gonna affect how u view a piece of work right? 

so when i played through the series in 2023, i initially viewed akane as everyone else did: she’s in love with junpei, and even hced her as bi like most of the fandom. but the more i studied the source material, the more i felt thats not rlly the case?? esp after ztd, like im sorry but i cannot buy the idea that both junpei or akane wanna marry each other. junpei is for another day but in terms of akane i wanna talk abt the idea that she may be aromantic. 

immersing myself in the fandom, a lot of ppl’s first impressions of akane’s june persona is that she was initially gonna be this ditzy girl next door who only serves as a love interest for junpei. ofc that ended up not being the case, but i see ppl say that they only rlly cared for akane after finding out she’s zero. which imo is such a missed opportunity for analysis.

as june, akane interacts with the world through tropes. the first thing she does when we’re introduced to her is fall on junpei. and overall is seen as this nervous girl who wouldn’t harm anyone. she flirts w junpei throughout the game, yadda yadda yadda. when it comes to her identity as zero, she desperately wants a perfect ending where she can be with junpei. its guesswork as to which aspects are true of akane, but i personally see these traits as smth she thinks “kanny” would do. 

[id: screenshot from 999’s script, black text on a white background that reads:

“Junpei: Well, I dunno. Anything. I mean, you're hiding it. How would I know?

June: You mean, like...the number of men I've dated?

Junpei's heart stumbled over itself.

June: Do you want to know?

He had to admit, he was a little curious.

June: Don't worry.

She smiled at him.

June: Only 18...

!?

June: ...Times 0.

June: Yeah... I guess I just haven't met Mr. Right yet…”

“Number of men” is highlighted in green. End id].

of course, bc of her tumultuous childhood and how she didn’t have many friends, she never rlly had experience w dating. but not much suggests she would beyond her own words.

[id: screenshot from 999’s script, black text on a white background that reads:

“Kanny: You...meant a lot to me...when we were kids...

Kanny: I've liked you...for a long time, Junpei... A really...long...time..”

“Liked” is highlighted in green. End id]. 

.

[id: screenshot from 999’s script, black text on a white background that reads:

“"Okay..."

My voice shook as I answered.

It was hot in the room. It felt like my heart was on fire.

6 minutes or not, my heart burned with my feelings for him.

…”

“burned” is highlighted in green. End id]. 

but actions speak louder than words, and she doesn’t go far beyond flirting and declarations of love. in ztd, she doesn’t even make these advances even when she’s trying to lighten the mood or make things right with junpei. the only time being when she speaks with carlos in the pantry. 

[id: a log of dialogue from zero time dilemma which reads: 

akane: if it was because of me somehow… then this time i need to rush to his aid. that’s what i’ve decided anyway.

carlos: you really like junpei, don’t you?

akane: wh-what in the world are you saying, carlos?! 

carlos: i’m out of my depth when it comes to romance.

end id].

[id: a log of dialogue from zero time dilemma which reads: 

carlos: did you bake heart-shaped cookies full of love for your darling junpei?

akane: oh carlos… would you please stop teasing me… 

june is meant to be seen as the ideal japanese woman, and since performance/identity is a huge part of her character, it wouldn’t be a stretch to say that she’s performing heterosexuality/amatonormativity, by extension femininity (but that’s an analysis for another day). 

akane is also slotted into the role of a mother figure for kyle just as sigma with the role of father. i can’t help but think of the scene in little shop of horrors (1986), audrey sings abt a stable and “ideal” middle class life. i remember watching it thinking it was odd, given that im aro and am not interested in settling down or emulating cishet middle class values. but my friend, who is poor just like audrey and akane, told me that it’s a common occurrence for poor ppl to think this way. to want a sense of stability even if it’s stereotypical. i feel like this applies to akane as well. i also hc her with bpd, and instability is a common symptom for us, so it makes sense for her to see junpei as a beacon of such, of normalcy. he’s rlly the only normal part of her childhood. she wants him to fix her lol . 

[id: screenshot from virtue’s last reward which reads: 

“i pleaded with her to leave, but she quietly shook her head. there was someone very special to her, she told me. he had saved her life once, and she felt her death would help to repay that favor.” end id].

and while we do see oldkane/vlrkane reminisce abt her life w junpei thru kyle, the passcode being jumpydolls, i feel like thats less abt love and more abt the fact that shes lonely, which a lot of ppl mistake that like. love can fix that.. when it rlly cant. not to mention what i said earlier

akane and junpei rarely make physical contact beyond junpei holding her in his arms and hugging. you can of course be a couple and not be that physically affectionate, but junpei is the only one initiating this. also like?? not even an “i love you” when you haven’t seen each other in nine years???????

[id: cg from nine hours nine persons nine doors. junpei holds akane’s shoulder with a worried expression. Akane has her eyes closed. End id].

[id: screenshot of zero time dilemma. junpei hugs akane near the basketball court in the lounge. akane wears a wedding ring on her right hand. end id].

[id: screenshot from zero time dilemma. junpei holds a ring in his right hand. white text on the bottom reads, “well, remember back in elementary school your dream was to wear a ring?” end id].

this is actually a common experience for aros who dont realize aromanticism is even an option. i remember when i was a kid, i’d have daydreams of getting married and dating ppl but when the opportunity actually came, i was uncomfortable and rejected it. 

i feel like junpei’s proposal and akane’s acceptance were reckless of both of them, and probably not even signs of true feelings. junpei’s arc is abt regaining agency, and akane’s is abt control (hashtag cinematic parallels), so it makes sense this would happen. both wish they could return to their childhoods, hence their emotionally immature attitudes + tendency to reminisce abt the past (junpei is counterphobic to this though and eventually gets over it in vlr’s timeline, though akane continues to act this way going forward). poor decision making is a sign of trauma after all. 

i mentioned how akane (and junpei but again. Another story for another day) subverts gendered expectations w her personality. aro ppl (as well as lesbians if u wanna go for a lesbian akane reading) tend to feel disconnected from their agab bc yk we arent straight and like a cishet woman liking a man is a sign of womanhood according to Society............ so like what if ur a girl who likes girls? or doesnt like anyone??? what does that make u??? (again, this could either be a trans reading or a lesbian reading)

anyway my point is. i think its more interesting to read akane’s interest in junpei as her wanting stability and a normal life, esp given that she is traumatized and was once poor. i feel like fluffy junepei fanworks make their dynamic very one-note and lack what makes their dynamic intriguing. but hey!! thats just my opinion as an aro person and how i prefer to interpret it 

[teecupangel]

can you IMAGINE a Burn Notice/Leverage type show where Desmond decides to leave the Brotherhood after the solar event (having miraculously survived) and now he's on the run from both Abstergo and his dad (just like old times)

but of course he can't just run and only look out for himself, not with three mentors in his head telling him to fight from the shadows (so not completely like old times)

so it's a problem of the week show where every episode there's a new glowing golden person who has something Desmond needs who also *just so happens* to have a problem that needs solving

it's bloodier than Leverage or Burn Notice though because while Leverage never kills anyone and Burn Notice only kills the problem to death like 10% of the time

Desmond solves a surprising number of problems with stabbing

even ones that you would initially assume could not possibly be solved by stabbing

(when you're an Assassin, every problem starts to look stabbable)

And the Bleeding Effect makes Desmond a one-man con team.

Need someone to act like a rich dude? Use Haytham's bleed for a posh British old money ("I think he's a distant royal family member!") elitist or Altaïr's bleed for an arrogant oil tycoon ("He might have connections to the president, are you sure you want to get in his bad side???"). Planning to style a piece of art? Ezio's bleed makes him become an awesome art critic or a great tour guide.

Have to pretend to be smart? Take your pick. Connor has deep knowledge of the flora and fauna of the United States. Altaïr has a more general vast knowledge of the classics, especially of philosophy. Haytham most definitely has an insight into the historical and political situations of every major event the Templar had a hand before and during his time. Other than the arts, Ezio's noble background meant he would have a more religious background so theology is his jam and he can say prayers in Latin. (And the image of Desmond pretending to be a priest then charming his way into where he actually wants to go is so blasphemous I find it funny)

In terms of Leverage, Desmond is pretty much Nate, Sophie, Eliot and Parker all in one. What about Hardison? Well, what use are all these fancy expensive gadgets and security when Desmond has the Eagle Vision? Sure, he can't hack to make cameras go on a loop but he knows the exact blind spots of the cameras. He doesn't know what the red wire does but it glows gold so he just pulls it out and, voila, lasers go offline. When everything else fails, create a blackout and use the darkness to hide.

Letting Desmond loose in 21st century without any support other than his Bleed as a 'third party' against both Abstergo and the Assassins and doing shady things for other people means he's gonna be a more chill version of Agent 47. Lots of pretending to be other people and, as long as he finally covers his scar with concealer and lots of makeup, he'll just be a generic white dude. Just knock out someone with the uniform he needs and he's good to go.

It doesn't even have to be a stabbing. There are a lot of things that can become poison if applied correctly.

AND if we include Edward in his Bleeds (which we can since AC Valhalla did say that he had a dream of being Edward in one of the audio logs), Desmond would have a more in-depth sailing knowledge together with Connor's knowledge which he could probably use to figure out how to sail a boat or a yacht if he needs to and... Darts. Which includes the OP dart: Berserk darts.

But he's not a 'gun' for hire. No, no.

Everyone in the 'underworld' knows of him.

And if anyone asks about him... All they would hear would be...

"You don't find him. He finds you. And when he does, that means he wants something from you and, in exchange for what he wants, you can ask for anything. It will never be money. What he will always ask will be something important to you. Only if you're willing to part with it will he grant your wish."

"That's why we call him the Djinn."

[lykaiosthinks]

new series, journal entries from V's pov pre-roadtrip arc and post-broadcast arc

Day 1:

4:32 - Radio broadcast finished

4:51 - Started prioritizing materials

5:05 - Consolidating stuff

Well, Cleo asked what I was doing, then pointed out that it wouldn’t be much help to whoever read this if it was just a time log, so I guess it’s a journal now.

I guess I should probably explain what happened. That broadcast was the first thing we ever heard from anyone outside of the city after the fallout. Coincidentally, it was also the last thing we heard from anyone while we were inside the city. Reason being that the broadcast was basically our 30 day timer to get out. They were dropping a bomb on the city in an attempt to clear out the infection. I guess that probably means our city was a hotspot, which means that if you’re reading this you’re far enough into the future when this city is finally hospitable again. Or you’re just some insane adrenaline junkie who decided to journey far and long enough to somehow find this. (If that’s the case, please leave this for someone who needs it. You clearly don’t.)

Anyway, I guess this is just a record of what we’re doing, but we haven’t done much yet. Cleo and Jo were quite taken aback at the news, which is understandable. I suppose I’m just numb to everything around me at this point. It took a while for them to calm down and rationalize that we had plenty of time to figure things out. The first thing we did was figure out what we were gonna need to leave this place. Food and water was a must, but the problem was how much? I wasn't sure how soon it would be before we could find another sustainable source of food. I decided that we would bring as much as we could, and dump some if we needed something else. I guess I don’t really need food as much, but honestly what I need is probably more scarce.

I guess I should also introduce myself. I’ve been going by V, for fear of not wanting to reveal my full name. I guess it doesn’t matter so much now that I know Cleo and Jo better, but I see no reason to change anything. Cleo is the youngest of us, and she lost her sister soon after the fallout happened. She’s been looking for her ever since, and the news of the bomb hit the hardest for her. She still believes her sister is okay, but there’s been no evidence of her life or her death, so it’s hard to say. Jo is a little older than Cleo, and they get along very well. A little too well at times, honestly. They can cause more trouble than the infection itself, if given enough time. I think I’m older than Jo, but my memory’s really been going since the initial breakout. I suppose I should mention that Jo and I are both technically infected, but I managed to throw some sort of antidote together. It doesn’t really fix the problem entirely but it keeps it from getting worse, which is what matters. I didn’t really care too much about my wellbeing before Jo and Cleo came around, so I’m basically surviving entirely off of pills and such. That’s my theory as to why my memory is going; whatever is keeping me alive and functioning certainly isn’t normal.

Anyway, the rest of the day was spent packing things up and deciding what would be good to take and leave. I insisted that any personal belongings should be kept to a minimum, but Cleo and Jo claimed there were things that had to be taken with them. I figured it was fine as long as I wouldn’t be carrying anything, which they said wouldn’t be a problem. I suppose this is all we’re going to be doing for the next month, so I should probably get used to it.

I need sleep. Any rest I can get will be crucial to our plans. I should have been asleep a while ago, but I forgot about this journal thing. No wonder, but maybe writing this stuff down would help me remember. Maybe this will all be useless. I’ll forget about it again, maybe. Leave it somewhere no one will find it. I’m not really sure what’s worth my time anymore.

This isn’t good, is it?

[spumonibones]

dotHack//Genshin Impact

Gonna do periodic reblogs adding more each time, because I have SO MANY ideas and nowhere near the time to do anything with it. So I'll just tag the ships in each post that it's focusing on, and cry at the fact I'll never have time to write it in full. Might attempt one-shots?

Anyway. First one is XiaoVen, for I am weak and they are cute. (Might even write the occasional random chapter...)

It's basically a modern day setting, but majority of the characters play a MMORPG known as, "Teyvat." (Instead of, "The World") So it goes back and forth between the two.

Venti's first character he makes is Barbatos - a Flick Reaper class. (Reason: there is no archer class. I considered a Macabre Dancer, but went with Flick Reaper because a, it looks cool and b, Barbatos reminds me of Zelkova from the G.U. games. It's a vibe, I can't explain it further). He founds the Favonius Guild, of which is initially known for how relaxed it is.

Venti's second character is ToneDeafBard, a Steam Gunner (the closest to an archer class). He creates this one when the Favonous Guild deviates too far from his original intentions, and he needs a break from it.

Unfortunately, he ends up having so much fun on his new Player Character (PC) that he hasn't really logged back in to his Barbatos PC in... A long time.

Xiao's first character is Alatus, a Lord Partizan (closest thing to a Polearm) that joined his pseudo-adoptive father's guild, Guardian Adepti. (This version is based on his beta design)

Xiao's second character is VigilantYaksha, of which he created initially to experiment with the Adept Rogue class (of which I went with 100% because Xiao and Haseo have similar hair styles and the whole, "hard exterior, soft interior"). When he found out about Venti making a new PC, he offered to use this one as it was a lower level but still high enough to be helpful.

Venti and Xiao met through Zhongli, and for Xiao it was love at first sight but he was too shy to really say anything. Zhongli picked up on it, and as he knew both played, would invite Venti to join their party, or to come over and all 3 play in the same room. Over time Venti started to fall for Xiao, but neither will say anything. Everyone else seems to know, and there are bets. No one will interfere, as it'll result in getting disqualified.

Venti has a dog named Dvalin that is a Newfie, and does in fact sometimes sit on Venti to prevent him from leaving. (I considered Dvalin being a Rottie since they are big softies but people typically find them scary due to bad owners which is perfect given Dvalin's lore, but... Giant fluffy won)

Venti (26, it's a joke on us knowing Barbatos is at least 2600) has graduated from college/uni, but I've no idea what his degree is, what his job is. Xiao (23, as while I considered doing 20 to keep with Genshin we know, I didn't want much of an age gap? And the game's lore about adepti is opening their "third eye," so 23) and no idea what he's studying in college/uni, but he doesn't have a part-time job due to Zhongli wanting him to focus on school.

Xiao's roommate is Itto, and from the outside most people don't understand how that works. There's probably a story behind how it happened, but haven't decided how just yet. But the Xiao and Itto friendship is art. (Thank you, Chasm quest)

Venti shares a single bedroom apartment with his twin, Carmen (Nameless Bard, name taken from Venti's constellation title). The couch is a pull-out, and sees the most use from Xiao and Vanessa. Sometimes Venti and Carmen and Dvalin.

Venti and Xiao found themselves coming up with a role-play for their new PCs, both wanting to maintain a connection to their main PCs and to play the game's story but with some tweaks. Venti's ToneDeafBard (TDB, or just "Bard") is a reincarnation of Barbatos, but doesn't have any memories of that life but he is tasked with reviving the Goddess Istaroth (instead of Aura from the dotHack games). He is assisted by Xiao's VigilantYaksha (VY, or "Lord Yaksha"), who was requested by Zhongli's Morax to protect TDB.

TDB and VY may or may not be flirting, with both Venti and Xiao trying to decide is this okay??? It's okay if their CHARACTERS are flirting, right?? That's a normal thing to do? It totally isn't their individual crushes bleeding through and influencing the story or creating a forbidden love subplot or anything.

And since this is a dotHack-inspired Genshin AU, obviously there must be a quest to save someone who fell into a coma and may or may not be trapped in game.

While playing one day, Venti gets a message from Carmen asking for help. Obviously Venti assumes his twin means outside the game, and goes to check on him. Finds Carmen unresponsive, headphones still on. Venti rushes him to the hospital, terrified and worried sick. During this, he keeps getting notifications from his game's app. After a few stressful days, he goes to check it and then delete it but...

All the messages are from Carmen's PC, NamelessBard. And every single message says, "help me," or, "find me," at the base.

So Venti does.

[remimibanana]

Thank you, Pomu!

By the time I post this, Pomu has graduated (╥﹏╥)

I want to take this time to thank her. THANK YOU POMU FOR EVERYTHING!!! YOU ARE AMAZING!!! I ALWAYS HAD FUN WATCHING YOU!!! (*´▽`*)

I tried writing this twice elsewhere but it didn’t save both times much to my dismay so I’m doing it here because it’ll save and I can add pictures.

All my sappy rambling below the cut!

I didn’t watch Pomu as much, in all honesty. Just like I don’t watch many of the vtubers I like since I don’t have time to watch streams in general. Woes of being a uni student.

But from the ones I did catch, and the clips I’ve watched, Pomu never failed to make me laugh or smile. Not once.

My favourite clip is where Pomu is reacting to a Nintendo Direct with Elira and they laugh their butts off at the casting for the Mario Movie. I’ll never forget Pomu going “CHRIS PRATT?????” and then subsequently laughing insanely alongside Elira.

I’ll also never forget when she said that the Mario Movie will be good upon seeing Jack Black lol

Another one of my favourites is where Selen is totally drunk and is playing Minecraft. Pomu is in the server and when Selen tells her that she’s stuck in Seffyna’s wool shearing farm thing machine, she just straight up leaves LMAO

When Selen says she'll have to kill the sheep she's stuck with, Pomu comes back going all NO NO. Pomu gets stuck in an attempt to help Selen, Selen kills the sheep anyway and then they break the farm in an attempt to get out and then they try to fix it.

They fix it and then Seffyna comes in and Selen snitches when Pomu ditched LOL

I love drunk Selen and I love how Pomu was practically a babysitter lmao

I love this clip so much.

I was watching Pomu’s Totsumachi, and at the end of it she mentioned that she wanted to wipe ass at Pokémon Black since she was doing a challenge where she would beat the game with six Chandelure.

I wrote YESSSSSSSSSSS into the chat, and pretty much after I did, Pomu said “YESSSSSSSSSSSSS”! It happened twice! It felt so cool, you know?

I’m not sure if it was my comment exactly but I’m going to pretend it was. Delulu is the Solulu, my friends.

Speaking of the Totsumachi, I was there for when Pomu talked to Vivi! I honestly didn't know too much about Vivi, I saw a few clips here and there but I really like her now after this!

They talked about Gaia Online at the very end, and Pomu mentioned how she wanted to try and log back into her old account. I heard of Gaia Online but I never played it. I played Moshi Monsters, Poptropica and Secret Builders as a kid. I'm old, I know lol

My interest was piqued and I made myself a Gaia Online account. It’s so early 2000’s, I love it. Reminds me of the old internet, it was much more happier and fun.

Feel free to friend me if you have an account.

I actually watched the entirety of the stream where she played Pokémon Black, and I’m so glad I was able to be there to see her complete the challenge! She beat the Elite 4, N and Ghetsis with six Chandelure! It was so entertaining and honestly nerve wracking to watch!

The RNG at one point was so bad, Stone Edge never missed and Flame Body never hit lol

It was a lot of fun.

As you can see, I sent Pomu a super chat! I have this tradition where I send one to those who are graduating as a final goodbye and to show my support for one last time.

I did it with Pikamee, Mysta, Mika and now…Pomu. The list keeps growing...

Why does every person I like leave ;;

I also became a member! I wasn’t going to initially, but I wanted to show my support and use emotes for the first and last time. I joined the lowest tier at first, but decided I wanted the Member Wallpapers, so I upgraded.

I managed to get them all, which I’m really happy I did! Pomu’s membership got paused after her graduation so there’s no way to access any of the perks anymore.

For Pomu's graduation stream, I caught all of the Crab Game with Niji EN and the final part. One of the reasons I sent the super chat in the Pokemon Black stream was because I wasn't sure if I would be able to catch the graduation stream at all.

It started at 3:30am for me and I had no idea how long it would go for. I'm a bit surprised it went for 10 hours, but I'm glad it did because I was able to watch a bit of it at the very end!

I think it's better I sent the super chat in the Pokémon Black stream, since I love Pokémon and Pomu! It feels more special to me.

I think graduations only prove how fast time flies and how one day, the people I like to watch will go too. I know its bound to happen and it is a part of life but still...it hurts to see those who you like to watch go.

I remember waking up one morning and seeing the notice of Pomu graduating, I went "WHATTTTTT??? POMU???? NOOOOOOOOO". I really didn't think she would graduate, but it was right there. People were sad, and I didn't know how to feel.

I felt like I didn't watch Pomu enough or support her enough as I could have. I still feel the same way. I did show my support at the very end, but it shouldn't take a graduation. I should have showed my support from the start, or watched her more. You never know what you'll miss until its gone, I suppose.

But I can't change the past. I'm happy I was able to watch her at the very end, and that's what matters! I'm glad I could say goodbye, watch a full stream from her and have fun until the very end!

Once again, thank you Pomu! I wish you all the best in life! We're all Pomu at the very end, aren't we?

I'm going to take the PP Energy Pomu gave us and be more confident this year! I won't let you down, Pomu! I'm going to work hard to be the best person I can be.

If I could be anything like Pomu at the end, then I think I would be happy. Someone who is so kind and is like a beacon of light people go to.

Pomu was a pioneer, and I hope she knows just how much she was loved by all. We will never forget you!

OtsuPP!

[blackjackkent]

All right, well, this has been an intense day and I feel utterly fucking fried, which means it's a perfect time to put Hector through The Horrors some more.

Possibly. Alternatively my brain might just decide writing is Not Happening tonight. :P We'll see. But for right now let's keep exploring the Lower City!

The quest log is starting to look extremely sparse indeed; our remaining known objectives prior to the endgame are:

Take the Orphic Hammer into the Prism

Help Nine-Fingers against the impending betrayal by the Zhentarim

Find the rest of the Dribbles Bits

Rescue Shadowheart's parents from the House of Grief

Take Wyll to fulfill his destiny in the Wyrmway

Current plan: we're going to continue clearing out the rest of the Lower City map first (which I imagine will take care of #4 and maybe #3), then go to the sewers for #2, then to the Prism for #1, then the Wyrmway for #5.

And then the endgame. :O Eep. (Feel free to holler at me in comments if there's anything specific I'm missing. :) )

------

Stopping for a long rest after the adventures with Oskar, and Shadowheart, of all people, has something to say in camp.

"That graffiti from before - I never thought I'd see it again."

The what now? [frantic googling]

OK, this is a reference to some graffiti scrawled on the back of Jaheira's house. Looking at YouTube, if you have Shadowheart in your party when you go past it, she comments on it: "That graffiti - it almost looks like it was done in my hand. Did I do this?"

(The odd thing, actually, is that I feel like I remember hearing her say this at some point, but I also haven't had her in the party since we picked up Minsc and certainly not any time we've been in the northwest of the city. So this is a bit puzzling. But anyway - we'll assume she and Hector wandered around at some point and she saw it. :P )

"Why did it stand out?"

"Well... I think I was the one who did it. I can recognize my own handwriting."

(I'll be honest - I'm not sure I would recognize my handwriting on a wall as compared to what it would be on paper, but fair play enough I suppose. XD)

"How long ago was this? Years? All the time I spent training, hidden away from the world. I think... I think I must have wanted to leave my mark somewhere, just to prove I existed. Even to myself..."

Aw. <3

As mentioned, gameplay-wise we haven't seen much of Shadowheart since getting Minsc, but I think she and Hector have definitely done a lot of talking in camp over the weeks since the business in the Shadowfell.

Sometimes she asks him questions about Selune or about his training. Sometimes she talks about flashes of memory that have come back to her. Once she tries to ask him about his parents, after talking about her hunt for hers for a time; she's a bit surprised to learn that growing up cloistered without a family is another thing they share.

It's gratifying to both of them, I think, to be moving past the things that initially divided them and finding common ground.

[rootvegetableboy]

cm dev log #11 - september 2024

hi everyone! i hope you all had a fabulous september. i’m posting this two days earlier than normal because i’m getting top surgery tomorrow (yahoo!!!) and i expect to not have much energy on the 1st. i’ve had a pretty busy month with personal life/surgery prep things so this dev log is going to be fairly light on actual game content; instead, i’ve prepared some concept art i thought you all might be interested in!

CHARACTER SKETCHES!

a lot of what i worked on this month was stuff that i can’t show you: namely the script, the story’s outline, this world’s timeline, figuring out emotional beats & thematic through lines, etc. but i also did some character sketches: behold, These Guys!

alda is the player character, which you may have already gleaned if you’re a Project CM Certified Lorehound. also depicted here are thea and lyle; thea is a fat lesbian with a huge sword that can & will kick your ass. lyle is thea’s best friend/resident pretty boy and is the #1 women’s wrongs supporter. he’s extremely emotional, chaotic, and he always wants to see the best in people; thea is a lot more restrained, logical, and direct.

i love them all a lot. i wanted to have digitally drawn portraits of all three of them ready for this dev log, but my arm started cramping up, so i only have thea’s… anyway, i’m really excited for you to meet them :)

ENEMY SKETCHES!

i only have two enemies in the game right now, but i’ve been cooking up a lot of other guys to fight! here are some regular-tier (not mini/bosses) enemy concepts that i’ve been playing around with.

i’ve also been sketching out a particular boss idea… not much to say here lest i say a little too much, or lest i end up deciding to change something down the line. but i am very excited for you all to meet her, as well >:)

UI… SKETCH…ES?

this is probably only exciting to me, because no casual player should be paying much attention to the layout of the user interface. long-time followers of my development logs may recall that i have a pretty unique save/load system in place for this game; i’ve been sketching out different ideas for how i want it to look on paper, because it’s much less time consuming to do a little drawing as opposed to spending two hours coding something only to realize it doesn’t even look that good.

actually, this sketch harkens back to a drawing i did over a year ago, when i was first starting to conceptualize how i wanted the game to look:

things have turned out pretty different from the initial concept i had in mind while drawing this, but it’s still really beautiful, so i’m glad i’ll still be able to use the basic layout in some way!

that’s all i have for this log. i’ll see you all in november for my one year anniversary of development <3 i'm so excited for this little project's birthday!

see you then!

[pretty-idol-hell]

Oooh!

Hooray.... grey........

Huuaaah.

Okay, so. Since I noticed myself slipping into the 90s during the day, when I got home from work I decided to just focus on getting in another rank-up before my bonus is gone and forced myself to NOT look at or stress over the ranking until I finished. Currently, I am....

....65th!?

I guess it's safe to say I made it. I'm in the top 100.

Wow.

WOW!

Goddamn.

It seemed so impossible after the March event, but I did learn a lot from that experience. So, now that the event is almost over (actually it will be over when by the time this is posted) I'll share about my strategy. (And other thoughts.)

In the March promise event, I thought that as long as I had a lot of promise tickets I would be fine and tried to grind them down using instant promises towards the end of the event. (At this time, I was used to one good day of grinding being enough on SIF events.) But, I could never catch up to where I wanted to be and quickly realized it was too little too late.

So, I knew this time I had to start early and play consistently. I also decided to do mostly normal promises instead of instant, so I could get the most iine possible out of my tickets. In the meantime, I joined other people's promises while waiting for my own to fill so I could get some free iine on the side.

And this did work noticeably better. But I still wasn't able to crack the top 100.

And that was when I finally caved and did the thing. I put on the classic, the Laala Welcome SCR, and warmed up my fingers for some OPEN DREAM LAND.

So, up until this point I had actually been thinking that promises in the Welcome SCR wouldn't fill because everyone else would be sick of it by now too. But I was wrong.

SO WRONG.

Sometimes my promises filled so quickly that by the time the promise menu screen loaded, it was literally ALREADY FULL. So, as long as I was using the Welcome SCR it was basically the same as doing instant except for full points.

So, at this time I stopped joining other people's promises for the most part, and was largely doing my own regular promises in the Welcome SCR. And this was when I really started getting somewhere.

Unfortunately, this was also when I also started buying promise tickets. For the record, I do think it would have been possible to hit top 100 just using the promise tickets you have and joining other people's promises when you get more. But, only for those who don't have a full-time job and can play full-time Idol Land PriPara. I do have a full-time job, from which I gain money, which can be used to exchange for promise tickets haha ha....

Also I had a 65% bonus from the gatcha. A-Anyway....

During the last few days when I was cruising through the ranking, I was briefly lured into the false sense of... we did it. Maybe we really did it. We saved Idol Land!? How could the game be dying when my promises are filling SO FAST!?

Until of course, I logged into Lucky's account and played one promise to find out that... there are... less than 10,000 active players..... that's half... the number there was... two months ago.............

I was pretty crushed.

I mean, I should have known better but... yeah.

It's been something I've been thinking about all day. About how the game still feels so active despite this?

And I realized hey, wait. What if Idol Land was designed to run better with a smaller player base? I mean, less promises on the board means promises are more visible, which means promises fill faster? Could be.

After all, a lot of the problems we had during Idol Land's launch resulted from them not properly gauging how high initial demand was.

The game is running much better now, and the fans that are left are pretty ride or die at this point I think.

But is that enough.

...............................pro...bab....ly not............

Well, we'll see. If not tomorrow or next week, we'll find out something about the longevity of the game when the Season Select tab updates.

Ah well, no regrets. Idol Land has meant a lot to me, and I really wanted to show them through this event. Even if it was technically all for nothing, I don't feel like it was, strangely.

Well... There's more to say, but I'll pick up on this train of thought when EOS is actually announced officially.

Goodnight all! See you on the other side of the maintenance.

[sith-shenanigans]

npc ask game; The Master (from the Revanite quest on Dromun Kass)?

Hi! Sorry! I originally couldn’t answer this, because Alderaan and the Revanite b-plot were both a disaster and I had to resolve them. (These things are related because when I originally played through, I thought that when I closed Act 1 by confronting Zash, I might lose access to Act 1 quests. So Ahene went running around cleaning up every old quest in the quest log, and so she did the Revanite quest right before the finale of Act 1. And then it… turned out to be extremely important for character growth. Despite happening at the wrong time. Oops.)

So instead of being the Dromund Kaas planet quest, the initial Revanite plot turned into the main sideplot of Act 1. If you don’t want spoilers about specific plot twists in Liminality—which you probably do because you sent me an ask, but everyone else—now is the time to look away.

All looked away? Good, great, fantastic.

So the way the plotline starts is that Aleeleti, the friend who introduces Ahene to the Broken Chain, is of course a Revanite. And then the questgiver shows up to blackmail Ahene into spying on the Revanites, saying that if she doesn’t, he’ll just report that the whole Broken Chain is involved, and that won’t be hard to sell at all. So Ahene has to deal with the fact that a) her least complicated friend is actually putting everyone at risk, and b) now she needs to betray said friend, which she is really not on board with doing.

So this means that the bit on Nar Shaddaa with the vault is a Bonding Activity (because Ahene manages to get herself recruited after Balmorra), and also kind of a Revanite Trial, and she is coming to the conclusion that she honestly does not really care about Revan but these people are somehow the most reasonable Sith in the galaxy despite being a cult dedicated to a long-dead historical figure who didn’t live in the Empire anyway.

A bunch more stuff happens on Alderaan. The mask of Revan is involved. Those two Revanites who both want it? They go to Alderaan. As per the plot, they both try to get Ahene to give it to them. Not as per the plot, she says no. You both want to be the one to decide what to do with it, she says, but that’s not either of your calls. It’s your boss’s call, actually. The only person she will give this mask to is your boss.

She’s still not sure whether to betray them or to confess. She doesn’t want to betray them, but she’s… not really sure they’ll let her live if she confesses.

Cue the arrival of Tari Darkspanner, who kind of knew the whole time, and who decides to give Ahene a chance anyway.

This is a gesture of trust that Ahene really, really wouldn’t have expected. It’s barely in her worldview as A Thing People Might Do at all, much less a thing a Sith might do. Much less a thing a Sith with everything to lose might do—and Ahene keeps thinking that so much of the selfishness, so much of the cruelty, comes from having everything to lose.

We learn something about Ahene, here: the fastest way to earn her loyalty is to give her actual trust.

This isn’t something Ahene knew about Ahene until just then.

She goes back and convinces the blackmailing questgiver that he should just bury the whole thing, because if he tries to go after his master no one will believe him, especially with a piece of evidence that means nothing out of context. So he can’t turn in Aleeleti, either. (Possibly she’s keeping the amulet, so that she can threaten to go to her own master with evidence that would be much harder for her to get than for Darth—Charnus’s?—own apprentice to get, and turn the whole thing into nonsense and politics and the Inquisition all over everything, and of course Charnus will throw his apprentice under the bus.) Very much a “if I go down, you go down with me” kind of situation.

Ahene and Tari probably don’t speak again. Unless they do, briefly, when Tari tells her to go her own path afterwards. But Ahene considers herself a Revanite until it becomes clear that the Revanites don’t.

(Tari would have liked to think otherwise. But someone who was trustworthy as an apprentice is not necessarily trustworthy anymore, now that she has so much power. Or if she is, she is perhaps trustworthy to someone else. Darth Marr does not make political alliances—but it has been rumored, recently, that he has. And Tari knows that if Darth Occlus is anything like the strange, desperate little apprentice she met… Ahene would never betray that trust.)

[npc opinions]

[mbav-obsessed]

Sooo...I’m conflicted.....

TW: Grooming, grooming allegations

Okay, so I just wanna say something about Atticus’ allegations because it’s been a couple days now since finding out and I have thoughts. Ones that may have changed since my initial reaction. That, and I’ve been getting tons of anon questions regarding how I’ve been doing since then.

First off, I wanna say that people may not agree with what I’m about to say but HEAR ME THE FUCK OUT, OKAY? Please don’t immediately come for me and yell at me. Hear me out. Okay? Okay, here we go, long post ahead…….

If you’ve been following this blog for the last couple of days, you’ll know that I’ve decided to log back on here and see everything I’ve missed. That being said, you can probably imagine how shocked I was when I saw a post from someone else saying something along the lines of “Sooooo is Atticus just gonna ignore these allegations oooorrrrr….?” And I’m like “Hold the fuck up….what did I miss? WHAT ALLEGATIONS???!??!!” My jaw dropped and my heart shattered after looking it up and watching the victim’s two TikToks (the first was the initial one exposing him and the second one explaining how everything happened).

My immediate reactions were shock, anger, disappointment, disbelief....you name the negative emotion, I probably felt it. I even texted my sister and told her what was happening with proof.

My reaction was so strong because Atticus actually has responded to my comments on Instagram and Twitter multiple times over the past 9.5 years. They’re on here if you look DEEP through my archives. Nothing even close to how he responded to her, but he’s aware of my existence.

Now, I mention this because not only have I been one of his biggest fans since I was 14 (I’m now 25, turning 26 in less than a month), but I’m also in a wheelchair. In my mind, I was thinking That could have been me....I’m 2 years older than her, but he could have noticed the chair and targeted me....

Nobody has ever taken advantage of me like that, but that was the thought that went through my head because I know people can be sick and do that. I was just shocked that he would even have the audacity to talk to a 16 year old girl with THAT intention later on.

I unfollowed him on everything I had him on because why wouldn’t I? I even thought about deleting his music and MBAV off my devices.

It has been a couple days now and I’ve had time to cool down and really think. Now, I want to say that I in NO WAY, SHAPE, OR FORM CONDONE WHAT HE DID. Because NOBODY in their 20s, no matter who they are, should ever be trying to flirt with an underaged kid, let alone a 16 year old. I also 100% believe the victim and my heart goes out to her, and I hope she continues to heal.

(Now for the part people may attack me on.....) With all of that being said...I want to give Atticus the benefit of the doubt. I hate what he did, it bothers the hell out of me, but as far as we know, he hasn’t done it to anyone else. Once is still disgusting, so I’ll probably still back off and not support him as much as I did before to keep my guard up, but I don’t think I’m going to cancel him completely.

For example, I’m still gonna watch the upcoming 3rd season of The Hardy Boys when it comes out but that’s because I’m already invested in the show, and it’ll be the last season. Same if anything ever comes up for My Babysitter’s a Vampire because come on, why the fuck wouldn’t I?! However, I will not be going out of my way to spend money on his content (his music, his movies or shows if I can’t stream them, etc). Same goes for here, like, I might reblog or make something related to a show or movie he’s in, but not actually him (interviews and whatnot). However, this may also change as time goes on or if he fucks up more.

So yeah. I’m conflicted. TL;DR: I absolutely hate what Atticus did and am disgusted by it, but I’m not outright cancelling him for it while still keeping my guard up.

You guys can do whatever. Cancel him completely or not, I get it and I support you