#there's more reactions of me losing my shit

[zhuoyichenpretty]

Ep 25 Commentary

“難受嗎？難受就對了[...]卓大人，你習慣就好。” Is it difficult to bear? Good [...] Zhuo Daren, you'd better get used to it. —Zhao Yuanzhou, Ep. 1

Oh my god what the fuck ep 25. Ohhh my god. I don't think I ever stopped going "holy shit oh fuck" for the entire forty minutes. My head is in my hands. Why is FoF experimenting with onscreen physical/emotional/mental whump at a frequency and intensity previously unknown to man? To my favorite character? 我前輩子得罪了誰？？(Who did I wrong in my previous life??)

Quote from ep 1 because I had just re-watched it earlier in the day and those words came back to me not with any particular use towards interpretation but just as a characterization of—all of this. It is indeed difficult to bear.

Spoilers incoming.

Also spoiler for how I feel about this episode in case the sound of me wailing in lament in the distance makes it unclear: It was probably one of the most effective episodes for me thus far, personally. It struck many, many chords and did not stop for breath at all.

Honestly I'm kind of at a loss for words because I really, truly, did not expect shit would get so much worse for ZYC so incredibly rapidly. The speed with which the situation deteriorated broke the fucking sound barrier (I'm exaggerating, I'm being dramatic, but jfc I wasn't prepared). I apologize in advance if any of my reactions become a little bit repetitive, there are only so many ways I can express continuous distress and shock and despair.

My stomach dropped during the watchman attack scene. I can't believe how effective it was for me, this moment coming at the heels of ep 24, how that episode was a whole meditation on the goodness of ZYC's heart, his gentle and sensitive nature, the reasons why everyone loves him, the way things are bad but they will not break us and we may lose heart individually but we will persevere together.

And then in one single moment, all of that is threatened and very nearly destroyed. I felt every one of ZYC's dry heaves.

This drama is not one I necessarily go to for subtlety of intention, so the fact that I really had no inkling how at-risk ZYC's irreproachability would be in the coming episode despite being very invested in his arc made it all the more shocking and well-done, personally. They set him up as high as they could so they could tear him down as thoroughly as possible in an instant, and I did not notice the set-up at all.

I also have to say, I really appreciate PSJ. How quickly she cut to the chase about what he'd seemingly done, how she'd said the things that aren't just hard to hear but also hard to say. Because that's exactly what ZYC will care the most about. It seems to me her righteousness helped keep his own intact. In such a moment of complete and utter vulnerability and devastation, her moral clarity is as terrible as it is necessary and true to ZYC's belief system, just when it is most susceptible to collapse. And I say this not to mean that I think he is culpable for the supposed attack, given how much discussion the show goes into about culpability or lack thereof when not in one's right mind, but just that I find PSJ's moral compass to most closely align with ZYC's beliefs as he has been carrying them out throughout the show, and she keeps him from contradiction in a moment when it may be on everyone else's mind to spare him from the double-edged blade of his own righteousness. (Also, I may be reading too far into WX's statement later on that PSJ protected ZYC with her decision, but it could be interpreted that WX agrees or understands that as well on some level.)

And the fucking fact that all this takes place in front of a shrine for the Righteous God of Virtue and Blessing. As I said, I'm speechless.

(Speechless, she says, as she continues to ramble.)

Ouughhhhhh the reversals. ZYZ draping the cloak on ZYC this time. Fuck. The dungeon. Oh god. The way ZYZ loses more and more of his facade of calm, even just from his somewhat tense but understated distress in ep 24 to this unblinking, almost unseeing stare at ZYC in shackles.

Also, I'm glad for the moment PSJ and WX have to themselves once ZYZ proves ZYC's innocence. The way we get to see them navigating a situation so dire together despite its potential to push them utterly apart. PSJ's near-silent delivery of "friend" fucking kills me. It's loaded with so much emotion that neither the voice nor the term can truly handle that weight. That's art to me.

And then oh god, the Tianxiang Pavilion scene. I don't even know what to say. How everything spirals completely out of control. How we literally watch ZYC's worst nightmares play out. WX's first shout, the way I don't feel like I've heard that particular shade of emotion in her voice up until now, even with everything they've been through. Honestly, each of their expressions as the mob began to jeer and before they were separated was so effective. Ying Lei's indignation, PSJ's alarm, ZYZ's agitation, WX's fury. And the palpable panic as the crowd surged around them and pulled them apart.

I've watched this whole scene three times now. Every actor is giving their all here, and it's so impressive because this isn't at all the usual context of their angst and heartbreak. This isn't a decisive battle over life and death. The range of tragedy stretches so far in this kind of fantastical drama and yet they are able to create such tension and emotion that the shock of that first egg thrown has all the impact of a fatal wound. And it's worse in some ways because it means so little to an outsider and everything to this family.

That rage and helplessness in WX as she wipes ZYC's face and asks who threw it, when she says if the crowd goes any further, they'll fight back—her delivery is so raw. When I heard her lines, I felt the fantasy genre completely slip away for a moment and it became absolutely personal. Like, this point is getting a little away from mere commentary so please forgive the brief aside but those are words I can hear in my own family's voices.

Then, watching the very last vestiges of ZYZ's composure fully crumble away in real-time. God, I wish I could say something more substantive about ZYZ's entire reaction because it's so so good but I'm feeling levels of angst I truly don't know how to convey, which is really saying something given how much of an essay I usually write despite claiming I'm speechless.

Just. The way this is the most desperate and near-breaking we have ever seen them, in a completely different manner than the grief that has come before.

Alright, and then, the juxtaposition of the mob and the cheering crowd around ZYC?—yeah, that's when I started sobbing. As I've said before, the effectiveness, the efficiency, of TJR's acting. The way we can read every emotion off of young ZYC's face: his awkward pride, his self-consciousness, his bashful happiness. Even though this is a memory only recently and fleetingly alluded to in the previous episode and this is a ZYC we have never actually met, we know him and all his mannerisms and expressions so well. He is so alive with his character and so familiar, and then we cut back and, god, how unrecognizable everything is now. That absolutely broke me.

Finally, ZYC and Li Lun's conversation. Again, so so good and again, not sure I can offer much substance in my commentary to do it enough justice. I've been writing this commentary for over three hours now, so if my coherence is petering out, I do apologize.

This is so much of what I wanted and didn't even know I wanted from them, simply because they've been kept apart by the plot for so long. To see some of this come to pass is so satisfying. For Li Lun to claw so desperately at ZYC and try to bring him down, what that means about how he views ZYC's role in ZYZ's life right now. That this is twofold, to ruin ZYC and to be understood, and how he can never get the latter if he is still holding onto the former, wanting to pull others into the abyss rather than seeking a way to perhaps be pulled out of it. Li Lun is so precise in his brutality towards ZYC, digging his fingers directly into the worst of ZYC's fears, and yet ZYC is so insanely clear-eyed and incorruptible and incisive with his words in a way Li Lun has never experienced or had to combat (ZYC, articulate king fr). And for all of Li Lun's bluster as he continually makes to take the physical and conversational upper hand, how quickly that becomes a pitiful immaturity when ZYC truly fights back (in defense of ZYZ). Yan An plays this part so well, when he's looking up at ZYC.

And seriously, talk about ZYC delivering just the most on point monologues to struggling characters ever (ZYZ, Bai Jiu, now Li Lun), and doing all that after the day he's had?? I don't know what direction this conversation will push Li Lun. I can see it go either way because yeah ZYC just basically rubbed in his face how alone and pitiable he is and how he'll never get what he wants out of ZYC, but at the same time I've never seen Li Lun so close to understanding why he has ended up alone, nor look so desperate enough to not be that he might end up making a different choice for himself. And just as Li Lun is that mirror showing ZYC the darkness of the abyss, ZYC must be reflecting to Li Lun how bright the dawn could be. (Oh the inextricable nature of character foils.) Even though ZYC has denied Li Lun the understanding he wants, he has seen through Li Lun so thoroughly that that is an understanding in itself.

And then oh my god. The reverting to Bai Jiu's voice and body. One of the most top-tier narrative choices ever. Li Lun, deconstructed by ZYC completely, is really so unbearably young in his heartache.

Okay, I think that's all I have to offer. I'm so wrung out, and I apologize if the quality of the commentary declined in the second half, but I hope some of this was enjoyable to read!

[writingtraumaforever]

Uncontrolled Chaos: Chapter 11

Notes: Probably my last chapter for the day. I'm queasy. ;u;

Summary: Sonic and Shadow discuss what happened to diverge their timelines..

Chapter Select!

Link to my AO3!

Start:

“So it sounds like our stories line up all the way until I fell from the ARK..,” Shadow says quietly from his spot on the couch. They moved to the living room to get more comfortable, figuring this conversation was going to be a pretty long one. Sonic had whipped up a chilidog for Shadow, of course. While they’re not the most appetizing food to Shadow, he’s not picky when he’s starved.

He sets his empty plate down on the coffee table for now, taking another long sip of his water before looking back to Sonic who sits diagonal to him in the loveseat.

He looks a bit drained.. Apparently the incident with Shadow falling from space was one that haunted this Sonic pretty regularly. He didn’t enjoy reliving it..

Neither did Shadow, to be fair.

“...They have to disperse somewhere,” Shadow concludes with a rub to the side of his face, sighing and pursing his lips a moment.

“...What happened next for you?” Sonic asks after a pause, looking at Shadow now. His eyes look red around the rims.. When’s the last time this hedgehog got any sleep?? “Well..,” Shadow is quiet a moment, trying to gather his thoughts. Losing one’s memory several times definitely makes one rethink them when retelling them. But he’s pretty sure he’s gotten everything sorted out correctly in his head at this point. “I was awoken by Rouge–” “Rouge??” Sonic questions, a furrow of his brow, “..the bat?? Like the jewel thief?? Works for GUN, has a on and off thing with Knux– that Rouge??” “Yes, who else?” Shadow questions, his brow raising a bit questioningly at Sonic’s reaction.

Sonic’s head shakes a bit at that, placing a hand on his own chest, “I am the one who found you.”

Shadow blinks at that, his eyes widening a bit. The diversion. This must be where their universes separate.. “You?”

Sonic nods, moving a hand to rub the back of his neck as he averts his eyes, “Yeah- after you fell, I couldn’t sleep. It wouldn’t sit right with me. It felt like I was missing something. So I started doin’ some diggin’. I thought maybe if I got to know your story the best I could, maybe I could find some sort of closure over your death. So I broke into GUN facilities, raided abandoned research caches, even made a deal with Rouge to retrieve all information she had given GUN on you before your death.. I learned everything I possibly could about you.” Shadow listens silently as Sonic explains his obsession with Shadow after his supposed death. He can’t say he doesn’t relate to it.. He’s certainly experienced similar amounts of guilt. It’s enough to make someone spiral if they don’t have the proper support system..

“I knew there were still pieces missing. Gerald Robotnik’s journal was redacted to the point it was hardly readable. That’s when I figured Eggman might have access to the full story.. Maybe he had the whole journal, ya’know?? So I broke into one of his bases and… well..”

“You found me,” Shadow finishes, slow realization creeping onto his face.

“I found you..,” Sonic breathes as if experiencing the relief all over again, “...I can’t tell you what I felt when I saw you in that tank asleep..”

Shadow doesn’t speak a long moment, pondering Sonic’s words and how something as simple as Sonic being the one to wake Shadow up could change so much..

“..and what of Omega??” Shadow asks, trying not to show too much concern in his tone.

“Omega??” Sonic asks, seeming a bit thrown off by the question before snapping his fingers and, “Oh yeah! That robot that was there when I woke you. He put up a decent fight, but you scared him off pretty quick. He said he had more important business to attend to before flying away. Only ever saw him again working with Rouge at GUN. He always talks about annihilating shit..”

Shadow smirks slightly at that. Some things never change, he supposes..

“...What happened then?? When you found me??” “You couldn’t remember nothin’, Sonic answers with a sigh, leaning back in his seat, “I told you who I was. That I was there to help you.. You seemed skeptical, but you eventually let me take you back to Tails. He ran tests on you and stuff. Said you had amnesia, but were indeed the real Shadow.”

“You thought I potentially wasn’t??” the ebony hedgehog questions with a tilt of his head.

“Well, you did fall from space and survive,” Sonic smirks a bit, “Not many can do that.. And we thought if one Robotnik could make a Shadow, then another potentially could. So we made sure.” “Hm,” Shadow nods, crossing his arms, “Fair enough..” “After that, you stayed with us for a while. I told you your story, showed you the things I had discovered about you. You were extremely appreciative, and when you asked how you could ever return the favor, I told you not to worry about it. Just don’t go falling from the sky again,” Sonic snickers a bit, his eyes looking off at the floor as if reliving the moment, “...You joined my team. Said we worked well together, and you wanted to help me protect the world. Just like Maria would want..”

Shadow’s brows knit a bit at the mention of Maria, looking away as he chews on the inside of his cheek.

“..The rest is history,” Sonic shrugs, clapping his hands on his thighs before rubbing up and down them with a grin, “We’ve been unstoppable since.”

Shadow hums, his mind racing with all this information. There’s the obvious questions of how major events differed with Shadow and Sonic working together.. Such as with Infinite.. Did that even happen?? And did Shadow accompany Sonic on all his adventures?? Did Black Doom ever invade, and if so, did Sonic stick by Shadow’s side through all of it??

And then there were the smaller things, too. Like how Shadow’s personality had changed due to this. Was he an obnoxious smirking hero like Sonic in this world?? What about Rouge?? Did he even have any sort of affiliation with her??

The thought made his chest ache a bit.. He hoped she was alright in this world.

None of that mattered in the end, though. It was a world that wasn’t his, and its history had no effect on him. So he swallowed his curiosity in fear over overwhelment.

“...What happened in your world?? You said Rouge found you?” Sonic asks, leaning forward some to show he’s listening. “Yes, Rouge found me. She was looking for treasure of some sort in Eggman’s base when she stumbled upon me. She actually talked Omega and I down from a battle, and we all ended up teaming up together to find Eggman for some answers– well. Except Omega. He just wanted to kill the bastard.”

Shadow snorts almost affectionately when he says this, but Sonic’s smile seems a bit uncomfortable.

“Did he??”

“Kill him?? No. Not in the end. It’s complicated,” Shadow assured, continuing, “We ran into your team at some point. We battled for the sake of it, I suppose.. But in the end, we all had a common interest, and that was defeating Eggman’s rogue robot that had been leading us all to a trap.” “Metal??” “Mhm,” Shadow nods, “We won, of course. You and your group defeated him with relative ease once you used the chaos emeralds to transform. After that, Black Doom invaded with the Black Arms–” Shadow pauses, noticing how Sonic sucks in a tiny breath and how his hands clench his own thighs a bit tighter..

“..I guess you’re familiar with them.” Sonic nods. Nothing more..

Shadow doesn’t push it, nodding in return before continuing, “After their defeat, I decided to move on with my life. I had regained most of my memory, but it didn’t feel like me anymore. I was.. disconnected with that life. I wanted to continue on doing and being whatever I chose to do and be with nothing from my past defining it.. That was until the Time Eater came and quite literally made me face my past once more..”

Sonic shifts a bit in his seat at that, brows knitting up as he speaks quietly, “That.. happened here, too. I hated it.. I wasn’t able to be with you for most of it because I was having to restore the timeline. But when I finally found you in the White Space, you looked so frantic and confused and hopeful and stressed..” “I was hoping to save them..,” Shadow explains quietly, looking away again, “...in my world, Sonic and I raced for the emerald. I ended up tricking him and giving him a fake.”

He pulls out the fake then, holding it up with a small smirk, “This one, in fact.” “How’d you pull that off if I needed them to defeat the Time Eater?” Sonic smirks right back with a quirk of his brow.

“Swapped it before you faced it,” Shadow explains, tossing the emerald up and down in his palm absentmindedly before tucking it back into his quills, “You never even knew.” Sonic snorts, rolling his eyes with a little chuckle, “Sounds like a lot of trouble. Bet there’s lots of times you and your world’s version of me could simply get along and team up and get shit done quicker, but make it more difficult because your egos.” Shadow looks insulted for a moment, opening his mouth to argue with this but–

It’s a fair point.

Shadow shrugs at this and leans back in his seat, “To be fair, my Sonic is the biggest pain in the ass and nearly impossible to reason with.” “Aw- I’m sure he ain’t that bad,” Sonic snickers with a little grin playing on his lips, “He probably just has a cr–”

He stumbles. Stopping himself before he finishes as his eyes widen slightly at what he was about to say. “--rrramp. Yup. Running like that all the time definitely gives you cramps. Maybe it makes him moody? Heh heh..”

Shadow’s eyes narrow at Sonic’s obviously improvised words, eyeing the hedgehog that now looks a bit nervous. 

“Right..,” Shadow mutters, not convinced but deciding not to push it. He may not like what he discovers if he does..

Instead, he looks off at the wall again, now getting a closer look at some of the picture frames hanging about. There’s one of Shadow sitting in a field of lavender, someone else having taken the photo. There’s one of Shadow with Sonic, Cream and Amy at Twinkle Park. 

There’s one of just Sonic and Shadow.. Sonic’s arm around Shadow’s shoulders and hugging him close enough that their faces are smushed together. Sonic making a peace sign with his lips puckered and a wink at the camera, while Shadow just smiles small and shy.. He’s looking at Sonic.

“You know, my Shadow and I had a lot of tension between us for a while as well,” Sonic says after a moment, regaining Shadow’s attention back to him, “We bickered a lot. He was so serious and quiet and focused and I was so–” “Obnoxious?” Shadow finishes with a raise of his brow. “I was gonna say opposite,” Sonic’s eyes narrow at the hedgehog before he continues unbothered, “Anyway. It was hard for a while.. Learning each other’s mannerisms and ticks and boundaries.. It was definitely a challenge.” Shadow hums. “But thank Chaos we both like challenges, huh??” Sonic beams, winking at Shadow. Shadow just rolls his eyes with a small groan. “I don’t like challenges. I just refuse to be made a fool by some egotistical moron running around without a care in the world.” “I’ve got plenty of cares,” Sonic corrects with a pointed look. “..plenty.” “Right,” Shadow says unconvinced, his tone sarcastic and precise.

Sonic huffs a bit at that, grumbling mostly to himself, “I soo didn’t miss this..”

Shadow’s own huff escapes him in response before he looks out the window.

It’s getting dark out. Shadow isn’t precisely tired after resting so long. More groggy than anything..

He looks back to Sonic and finds he’s also looking out the window.

A longing in his eyes..

He misses him. His Shadow..

Shadow tries not to think too much into that, but..

“...Sonic–” “You wanna go for a run??”

[tea-time221]

genji's honest reaction to finding out that his best friend has fallen in love with the brother that tried killing him^

live laugh blackwatch cassidy x scion hanzo AU

miscellaneous r76 ft. angel gabe AU because i never see anything for it. the dynamic is great i need ya'll to see it

CRINGE CULTURE IS DEAD

REBLOG OVERWATCH ART IN 2023 😽🫰

[iguessitsjustme]

*takes you by the hand as gently as I can*

You can dislike Maya without turning her into a one dimensional villain that serves no purpose to the story.

You can dislike Maya without disparaging the story and message the show is trying to convey.

You can hate Maya without moralizing your hatred. You can just hate her. It’s okay.

[justaz]

listen. my guilty pleasure is those merthur fics where merlin is handed over to foreign lords and they get violent and then arthur finds out and goes apeshit. love it. so fun. but what i think is so funny is that like,,, merlin would punch back. maybe not realistically, maybe he’d restrain himself, but spiritually merlin is throwing hands. i just think its funny bc in like all the fics ive read merlin is the personification of 🥺 over it

[starlight---starbrights]

Undertale yellow flowey embroidery

This took about 40 hours, give or take a few

[dirtytransmasc]

Loving the vibe of Izzy and Stede... I won't say their necessarily getting along quite yet, I don't want to jinx it, but like... they're getting along and it's fucking great.

the way he actually tries and help Stede out, in his own way (which is aggressive but very real and upfront, and it clearly shapes Stede), he helps him with the crew and the curse, gives him that little 👌 when he manages to scare the guy with the wanting shot, he stands behind him with the rest of the crew, showing his support of the new captain.

I think he genuinely gives a shit, if even a little one for Stede, and a massive one (though he'll never admit it unless his hand is forced, which I see coming in the near future) for the crew, and isn't just acting like a good dog/right hand. like I think he's genuinely healing, in the best way? absolutely not, but, it's definitely something and I love that for him.

also, him and Lucius getting along, in there own fucked up way, and Izzy giving him the shark and the advice, it's great. (loving the nickname twatty, it's killing me)

[chronurgy]

I'm starting to dread (ha) Dreadwolf, partly because Solas is the main antagonist and I have...... Absolutely no feelings about him at all, actually. The best I can summon is a big old "meh". And if they center him (which it seems like they plan to) and make a big deal about whether you want to kill him or redeem him or stop him or join him... Well frankly I just won't care and I'm worried that means I won't have a damn thing to care about in the game's main plot

I'm also worried that his success or failure at taking down the veil will be preordained since that's too big of a plot line to leave up to the player - there just wouldn't be any way to structure future games to account for that player choice. This is obviously a less well founded worry, but it makes it really hard for me to care about the stakes of the game

Idk I'm not trying to shit on people who are excited for this game (I am too, despite the bitching and moaning) but it's really hard to get excited for a game when the one thing you know about it is so completely uninteresting to you

[mitstrawburi]

yea no i fucking LOVED Nobara and felt personally wronged by her death but bringing her back is.........................not it

[gay-fordeath]

.

[maximus-gluteus]

nothing to see here

[raspberrybluejeans]

:-)

[green-and-grey]

misjudged how long my special gloves would last and yesterday i ended up having to use the store's gloves for an hour

my hands and wrists and forearms still feel like they're sunburnt and covered in poison ivy and it hurts when they brush against even the softest objects. the only thing that's not painful to the touch is cool, running water.

I'm about to camp out at the kitchen sink and pour a cup of water over my arms repeatedly for hours

[snekdood]

i really dont think i actually deserved all that bullshit. the internets traumatized me now at this point and literally no ones gonna care unless my abuser is honest and its so fucking exhausting.

[sisyphus-prime]

see, okay, see, okay, i can't find where i said "I like compartmentalizing based on this game" but it is actually helping me rn to fucking do that because i'm like

sitting here. i did 2 finals today. they're good finals! i'm proud of myself. and then yk something pops up like "hey no. bad"

but by allocating that as talk-to-able entity like thing, i'm able to seperately go "hey fuck off", in a much stronger way than when i normally try to undermine myself here.

[nattousan]

i love people's willingness to get hype over dumb shit.

I was driving home today and pull up to a light. As i'm slowing down i 👁️👁️ lock 👁️👁️ eyes with the dude in the car next to me. I spring into action, this is the moment I've been waiting for.

Now, something you must know about me is I drive around with several small plastic 🦀crabs 🦀 on my dashboard, One: for the whimsy of it all and two: on the off chance i encounter another driver who i think could benefit from witnessing them.

This young gentleman was one such someone.

As i pull up, as previously stated, our eyes lock and I hold up one☝️ finger☝️

Perplexed by my unprompted gesticulation, the young man rolls down his window, "what the devil could this perfect stranger be about to tell me?" he might have been thinking.

I present a singular dashboard crab, green and brown, homely but not without its charm.

I study his reaction, grinning encouragingly. He's nodding, obviously intrigued by my plasticine crustacean.

I wag my finger and shake my head, removing the crab from view. Confusion again, but he leans forward, invested. I have him now.

I grab my second dashboard crab, a rotund white and brown crab, easily the most beautiful of my crabs as it sports large discernible claws of an attractive size and silhouette.

✌️ TWO ✌️ i tell him.

He's cheering now, and rightly so, as these are delightful little beasts that anyone would be happy to encounter. But now comes the clincher, time to seal the deal.

My finger wags once more. He's awestruck, I have him completely enraptured. If a car had come and smeared us both into the pavement we would not have noticed, so wrapped up in my display were we.

I bring out my showstopper: a bright pink spider crab with delicately long legs the likes of which had never before nor since been seen in mid afternoon traffic.

As emphatically as i can express, I display all three of my dashboard crabs to this man, three fingers pressed triumphantly to the glass.

the guy is losing it in his car, mouth wide in what i assume to be a primal shout of crab derived excitement. His arms are pumping so vigorously its shaking his stationary vehicle.

We sit there, sharing in a moment of mutual jubilation, and then the light changes, and we move forward in line. He drives off, honking his horn in rapturous exultation,

and we part ways, exactly the same perhaps but changed nonetheless.

🦀