#there's a chance I got ocd too

[cypric-rat-hyperfixation]

umhhh I may (??) have bpd 😍✨

tune in for the latest in op's growing collection of mental illnesses next month, on an all-new episode of

disorder hoarder

[halfdeadwallfly]

so.. i accidentally touched a trash can which made me feel like my hand was burning so i went to go and wash it and in the process i nicked the faucet with my fingernail and i got like dirt(?) under it. which. terrifying???? anyway i started hyperventilating and my hand started burning again but worse and i was trying to figure out what to do bc i was in the bathroom of all unsafe places to be, so i like ran out to the hallway and my hands are covered in soap and water which feels unsafe enough as is, and everything is just dangerous and i feel like someone's wedged something under my fingernail and tried to pry it off me and i'm trying so hard not to scream again bc i don't want to freak my mom out and i'm still hyperventilating bc there's this unknown thing on me. so anyway. it took a bit to get it together enough to like. go back and wash my hands again. and now i'm like. completely exhausted. aaaaand i still feel like i can't breathe like an hour later :') i had lovely plans to go out this evening and maybe walk and watch the sunset but now i feel like death! point being. fuck ocd :)

[springwitch26]

flowers and firsts (melissa schemmenti x fem!reader)

summary: being the gracious friend you are, you offer to share your weed with melissa and jacob for a fun friday night at their place. when jacob goes to bed, things get heated between you and your favorite coworker.

warnings: smut (18+), consensual high sex, recreational marijuana use (be responsible), strap-ons, praise kink, vibrators, soft melissa, stoner reader, attempts at comedy (it's a fun fic guys), mario kart 8 GONE SEXUAL

notes: happy 4/20. this wasn't requested, but my OCD is beating the fuck out of me rn and writing it brought me comfort. let me know what you think. much love from your favorite slutty stoner 💚

"i know kids are curious, but eighth grade is a bit early to try weed, right?" jacob bounced his leg anxiously as he raised the question to his friends in the teachers' lounge. one of his students had just been suspended for bringing marijuana to school, and jacob was characteristically worried about the kid.

"i started in tenth grade, but teenagers are growin' up younger and younger these days," melissa responded. barbara raised her eyebrows in shock, and melissa reacted with an amused half-smile. "like trouble over here. when was your first time, hon?"

you tried to ignore the innuendo as melissa invited you into the conversation. you had been hired to teach the third grade a few months ago. you and melissa had a rapport from the first moment you walked into the lounge. every time you were in a room together, you made each other laugh. melissa made you feel at ease in your new workplace, and you felt lucky to have her.

because you both got along so well, ava often paired you up for team-building exercises and combined-class activities. the two of you weren't exactly close friends yet, but you had chemistry. that much was obvious to everyone at abbott.

"tenth grade for me, too," you answered between sips of your morning coffee. "a friend and i did it in the bathroom before art class. good memories."

"what, did you have some kinda fancy vape pen?" melissa cocked an eyebrow at you.

"i wouldn't call it fancy, but yeah, we mostly smoked carts," you explained. "bought 'em from the upperclassmen in the parking lot before school. i'm pretty sure they weren't pure weed, though. we had to be smoking battery acid, or plastic or something."

"god, your generation is weird. smokin' chemicals out of a flash drive," melissa said, gesturing wildly to convey her amazement. "the first time i got high was in detention. my buddy steve would sneak in and bring us cigarettes and blunts. they all looked the same, so we played russian roulette with it. now everybody walks around with those neon devices in their pockets."

"i can't tell if you're being serious or if you're referencing the breakfast club," you giggled, nudging the redhead's shoulder jokingly as you sat down next to her.

"ha ha, very funny, little miss," melissa deadpanned. you had asked her to stop calling you "kid" a few weeks ago. she respected your wishes by coming up with all sorts of endearing synonyms to call you instead. "what about you, jacob? you used to vape—ever experimented with mary jane?"

"or mark john?" you added. melissa snorted and gave you a playful swat on the arm.

"no, actually, i haven't," jacob said, rolling his eyes at your quip. "i didn't have many friends in high school or college, and after that i had to be drug tested regularly for teachers without borders. i never got the chance."

"well, if you ever feel like trying something new, i have plenty to share," you offered. "can't have you over at my place, though; every time i bring guests around, my crazy neighbor thinks they're cia operatives."

everyone in the room except melissa gave you a shocked look. barbara looked especially aghast, her brightly painted lips curled into an 'o' shape.

"damn, i thought janine was the only after-school stoner here. what a pleasant surprise!" ava broke the silence.

"i suppose i would partake given one of those weed pens you mentioned," jacob said to you. "the only thing i've been vaping lately is air, and it gets stale after a while."

"oh no, i haven't used a cart since high school," you clarified. "if you're smoking with me, you're smoking. don't worry, it's easy. just like vaping, but better in every way."

"first of all, no smoke circle is happening under my roof without me." melissa chimed in, looking at you with a silent question in her eyes. you nodded—of course you wanted her there. "and second, where do you even get the weed? if you buy the legal stuff from new york or massachusetts, you're not bringin' it to my house."

"i wouldn't dream of it," you affirmed. "i only smoke authentic philly weed. don't worry about it; i got a guy."

---

that friday night, you showed up on melissa's doorstep wearing a casual t-shirt dress, with a tote bag full of goodies slung over your shoulder. jacob was the one to answer the door.

"hey! come on in, melissa's making pizza," he said cheerfully, a bit jittery with anticipation.

you followed jacob inside and found melissa leaning over the kitchen island, smiling fondly at you. she was wearing sweatpants and a loose-fitting striped shirt, with her hair loose and a bit messy from cooking. she looked radiant and comfortable.

"you know, the pizza will taste better if we smoke before dinner," you proposed.

"bold of you to assume my pizza could taste any better," melissa joked back.

"i'm game," jacob said. "i want the full marijuana experience."

"in that case, help me set up," you said to the history teacher. "i want you to see how everything works."

you laid the contents of your tote bag out on the island countertop: a ziploc baggie full of flower, a little purple grinder, a holographic pink bowl, and a yellow lighter with white flowers on it.

"jacob, this is a grinder," you said, uncapping the grinder and opening the ziploc bag. "we're gonna use it to break up the flower into little pieces."

"oh wow, that is... pungent," jacob remarked. he watched as you ground up the weed, then handed the pink glass bowl to him.

"and this is a bowl, or a pipe if you're lame," you said. "you wanna do the honors?"

jacob grinned and reached into the grinder, bouncing excitedly on his heels. you put a hand on his shoulder to steady him. he filled the bowl, looking to you for approval several times while he did it.

"awesome, we're ready," you said. melissa placed her pizza in the oven and joined the circle.

"let's take it out on the patio," melissa suggested.

she led you and jacob out to the patio, a small ledge overlooking the city with three chairs conveniently set up in a tight circle. it was 7pm and the sun had just begun its descent, casting philadelphia in an orange glow.

the three of you sat down. you held the bowl up to your lips and moved to light it, but melissa snatched the lighter from your hand. she leaned in and held the flame to the bowl, her face inches from yours. you tried to concentrate on the task at hand, rather than her painted lips or her vivid green eyes dancing all over you.

you took a long inhale of the smoke and blew it up toward the sky. melissa plucked the bowl out of your hand and took a hit. she held the smoke in her lungs for an impressive amount of time for someone who didn't smoke regularly. she passed the still-lit bowl to jacob.

as soon as jacob took his hit, you knew it was gonna hurt. he overestimated his own lung capacity, and he didn't even finish blowing the smoke out before he was coughing.

"happens to everybody, pal," melissa patted jacob's back to ease his pain.

"ugh!" jacob sputtered between coughs. "why didn't you guys tell me smoking hurts?"

---

several rotations later, the three of you were high. well, you and melissa were high; jacob was outright fried. not altogether unexpected, but funny as hell.

when melissa's pizza was done, you all resolved to eat outside so you could watch the sunset together.

"this is heavenly, mel," you moaned after a delicious bite of the pizza.

"ha!" jacob exclaimed, and you and melissa turned to him, confused. meeting melissa's gaze, he threw his arms up in the air—like he expected her to understand what he meant by that one noise. "she stole two syllables from your name. you can't just take syllables, y/n. they're not yours."

"since when do you care about private property rights?" you quipped back before turning your attention to melissa. "i'm serious though. this pizza is sooo good. like last-meal-on-death-row good."

"keep talkin' sweet like that, and you can call me whatever you want," melissa replied with a wink, sending a flood of warmth to your face.

"what were we talking about? just now?" jacob chimed in, his eyes wide and darting every which way.

"... i actually don't know," you said with a giggle. you tried to remember, you really did. but you could feel melissa's eyes on you, and you heard her words echoing in your head. and it was hard to focus on anything else.

"short term memory loss! add that to the list of things you guys didn't warn me about," jacob scoffed.

"jacob, eat your damn pizza," melissa cut in. a peaceful smile graced her lips as she stared out at the city skyline, now a twilight blue in the absence of the sun. "i've missed this feeling, everythin' all fuzzy and light. how are you holding up, lovebug?"

your heart fluttered at the endearing name. melissa, it seemed, wore her heart on her sleeve when she was high—judging by the adoring way she gazed at you while she awaited your response. maybe the weed was messing with your head, but you swore she'd never looked so beautiful.

her eyes lacked any trace of the fire you were used to seeing (though they were quite red). for once, she wasn't on guard. her plump lips curled around her wine glass as she took a sip of merlot, vocalizing her sensual appreciation with a hum.

her long auburn hair was tucked behind her ears, resting on her shoulders in loose waves instead of her preferred meticulous curls. you wanted to run your fingers through her locks, feel their softness and smell her shampoo.

entranced by the redhead, you forgot she had asked you a question. melissa tapped your knee in reminder.

"i feel perfect," was your soft reply. you were beaming brightly before the sentence even finished. rather than sitting in a chair, you felt like you were floating on a cloud. the colors of melissa's patio and the sky blended together in a beautiful, swirling mosaic. the sounds of the city were clear and pleasant as philly wound down for the night. "i'm so happy."

"glad to hear it, sunshine. but i'm pretty sure jacob is asleep," melissa chuckled and patted the man's shoulder. he didn't stir, remaining slumped and conked out in his chair. "he's been losin' sleep over the kid who got suspended. bending over backwards trying to keep 'em on track."

"oh gosh," you said sympathetically before patting jacob a bit more firmly than melissa had. "jacob, hey. c'mon, it's time for bed. get up, go get cozy."

your words were slurred and hushed, but they seemed to pierce the veil of jacob's slumber as he awoke with a start.

melissa stood behind jacob's chair, gently rocking it back and forth to bring him back to the conscious world.

"can't go to bed, we just started," jacob grumbled, but his eyes were still closed. he was dangerously close to falling asleep again.

"from the looks of it, you're either gonna spend the night sleepin' in this chair or in your bed, so get up," melissa said resolutely.

"yeah, and besides, there's always next time," you assured jacob as he stretched and groaned his way into an upright position. you made eye contact with melissa, and this time you winked.

---

after helping jacob into bed (his motor skills really deteriorated when he got high) and smoking another bowl together, you and melissa were ready to continue your night.

"alright, sweetheart, it's down to you and me," melissa said, sitting down next to you on the couch. "what do you wanna do?" you pondered the question, looking around the room for inspiration.

"oh my god, you have a nintendo switch?" you asked excitedly, gesturing to the black tablet plugged in next to the cable box.

"that's jacob's. he showed me one of the games on there—animal crossing, i think it was. i don't get it. why play a game if you can't win?"

"alright, i know what we have to do now," you said, walking over to jacob's game cabinet and pulling out mario kart 8. holding the case up for melissa to see, you grinned. "four races. whoever wins gets whatever she wants from the other."

you were distantly aware of the implications, but you were too high to reconsider what you'd proposed.

you figured melissa would want something from your thoroughly decorated classroom if she won. if you won, you'd ask her to make you a custom pizza.

"you have no idea what you just started, hon," melissa said with a confident smirk.

"may the best woman win."

---

how the hell was she so good at everything?

melissa had needed some time to warm up to the switch controls, complaining about how the little red rectangle was too small to hold comfortably. but she was a quick learner with skilled fingers, and soon she was absolutely demolishing you.

it also didn't help that your coordination escaped you when you were high. you had driven off of too many ledges to count.

"two wins in a row for luigi," melissa bragged as she crossed the finish line of the third race. "hope you're ready to give me whatever i want, princess. don't think i forgot about our bet."

"daisy won the first race," you pointed out calmly. "i can still bring it back. but you know what this last race has to be?"

"what?"

"rainbow road. it's the perfect final showdown course," you explained, navigating to the course with your controller.

"get ready to be mine for a night," melissa said lowly. god, you knew she was talking about the bet, but she knew damn well what she was doing. by this point your panties were almost uncomfortably wet.

you leaned into her unconsciously as the race countdown began. you both held your controllers tight, almost shoulder to shoulder.

3...

2... (you push down the gas pedal button)

1...

GO!!!

daisy took off with a boost of speed thanks to your timing. luigi had a false start as his engine blew out. you cheered, and melissa cursed.

"how the fuck do you do that?" she asked, exasperated.

"play the game!" you demanded without looking away from the screen.

the competition was intense. you and melissa weaved around curves, nearly fell off the road, passed and bumped each other. neither one of you spoke until lap 3.

coming up on one of the last turns of the last lap, your hands jerked and you swerved. reacting on instinct, you bent your arms dramatically in the other direction to overcorrect.

melissa's arm bumped into yours, sending your controller flying out of your hands.

"hey!" you said, thinking she was cheating.

"hey yourself," she said, her eyes still fixed on the screen.

if she was gonna play dirty, so were you. you thrust your arm forward to grab her controller. but she saw you coming from a mile away. effortlessly, she shifted the controller into her left hand alone and held it up and out of your reach.

desperately competitive (and stupid high), you launched yourself toward the controller. you'd stop at nothing to get even. before you could snatch it out of her grasp, though, your balance faltered. you fell out of your position and started to fall backwards off the couch.

melissa dropped the controller and wrapped her arms around you, pulling you back up before you could hurt yourself. there was only one problem with this heroic act.

you were in her lap now.

her hands remained clasped at the small of your back, and your balance shifted forward. you put your arms out for stability, and wrapped them around her neck.

"careful, don't hurt your pretty head," melissa cooed. the two of you stared at each other for a moment. she surged forward and pressed her lips to yours.

if sitting outside with her felt like floating, kissing her and feeling her body against yours felt like riding the ocean waves. but unlike the atlantic, she was warm. you relaxed into her warmth as her tongue licked into your mouth.

you felt her tongue everywhere. in response to her, you gave a few tentative kitten licks. she moaned, she moaned, and pulled back before giving you one last kiss on the lips.

she stared at you with heated eyes for a while before switching her focus to the tv.

"look, baby," she said smugly while gesturing to the tv screen, where luigi was driving victory laps after placing first on rainbow road. "i won. you remember what that means?"

it was a fair question, considering how many conversations you forgot happened tonight. still, you nodded shyly and bit your lip.

"smart girl," melissa praised. "can you guess what i want from you?"

you shook your head no with a frown. melissa beamed and kissed you on the forehead. then she leaned in to whisper in your ear.

"i wanna touch you everywhere. i wanna hear your pretty voice moan my name and see your face scrunch up when you come. i want you to feel me all over you, and i want you to spend the rest of your life craving that feeling," melissa said her piece all at once, as if revealing a long-buried secret to you and herself.

you swallowed.

"would you let me do that?"

you nodded, pressing your forehead against hers.

"i need to hear you say it," she said softly, so softly you almost missed it.

"i want you, melissa. i have since the day we met."

that was all the confirmation melissa needed to attack your face and neck with kisses.

"sorry, let me just," melissa said as she pulled away abruptly and reached for the tv remote. she changed it to cable mode and navigated to the jazz music channel. "there we go, perfect."

"you're ridiculous," you giggled upon seeing melissa's proud face.

"honey," she leaned in to nip at your ear before whispering, "watch your mouth. you wanna be on my good side tonight, trust me."

you shuddered and wiggled in her lap, aching for her touch. a slow grin spread across her face and her hands found your legs, running up your thighs and lightly dragging her nails along your skin. they soon made their way up your waist to your breasts, cupping and squeezing them. melissa even took two fingernails and circled your nipples teasingly, to which you squeaked.

"do you know how many times i thought about havin' you like this?" melissa whispered. her voice was sweet like molasses and flowed right through you. you could feel your nipples tingling where her fingers had been, swimming in a bubble of desire. "in my lap, all whiny and squirmy."

she pinched your nipple and you keened. you held your breath as her hands once again traveled to your thighs, making a beeline for your core.

"and now i got my angel in my arms," she said, gently spreading your legs for better access. you sucked in a breath and trembled when her palm caressed you through your panties. "but i gotta say, even in my imagination you were never this wet for me."

she punctuated the sentence by pressing her pointer finger on your clit through the fabric, drawing tiny circles. you gasped and hid your face in her neck. the high made every touch feel like it rippled through your whole body. the world felt like it had been knocked off its axis, and melissa was your new center of gravity.

"aw, don't be embarrassed, babygirl. it's cute you're so sensitive," melissa soothed, easing you out of the crook of her neck to face her again. she trailed her fingers down to swirl around your wetness under your panties. "let me take care of you, yeah?"

---

a few minutes later, you were spread out on melissa's bed, naked save for your (now useless) panties. she'd practically carried you to her room as you were baked and horny and unable to walk straight.

in spite of your writhing and needy whines, the redhead took her time to savor you. she kissed every inch of your torso before she even considered taking your panties off, mumbling sweet nothings between love bites.

when she finally pulled away to admire her work, the view did not disappoint. you were panting and covered in melissa's marks, and god, you were her favorite piece of art ever created. all hers.

"alright, sweet girl, i know," she cooed as you continued to plead for her touch with your best pout and puppy eyes. unable to resist you, melissa hooked two fingers in the waistband of your panties. "i'm gonna slip these off ya, okay? there, down they go."

melissa discreetly tucked the saturated material into her pocket. not as a trophy or proof of her conquest; rather, a token from the first of many magical nights with her girl. she would treasure it.

she wasted no time getting situated between your legs so she was face-to-face with your pussy. she inhaled deeply, basking in the heady aroma of your arousal. you overwhelmed her senses. everything she saw, everything she smelled, everything she felt, everything she thought—it was all one big, bottomless pool of you. and there was only one sense left for you to conquer.

the first drag of her tongue up your slit set you ablaze, flames licking from your core all the way to your extremities and your head. she let out a small noise of appreciation, and you felt it more than you heard it.

"you taste like fuckin' heaven," melissa rumbled between determined licks through your folds. her comment reminded you of the pizza, and you found yourself amused at how much things had changed in just a few hours.

"last-meal-on-death-row good?" you joked, and melissa seized the moment of levity to latch onto your clit. you cried out before remembering jacob was sleeping in the next room. you clapped a hand over your mouth.

"mhmmmmm," she moaned in agreement, and the vibrations on your bundle felt incredible. "but if you're still crackin' jokes, i'm not doin' my job."

with that, she shut you up completely. her tongue poked at your clit between harsh sucks. your back arched and melissa changed her strategy, prodding at your entrance with her tongue while her fingers took over on your clit. when her tongue penetrated you, you bit down on your hand to keep from screaming.

"i said i wanna hear you, remember?" melissa pulled out to chastise you.

"but jacob—" you managed.

"is passed out. he's dead to the world. now sing for me, angel," melissa's tongue dove back into your weeping cunt and lapped at your walls. you wailed her name.

"oh, mel, right—ahhh—there!" you mewled as her tongue teased your most sensitive spot. now that she'd located her target, melissa changed her play once again. two fingers replaced her tongue and crooked into your g-spot while her mouth returned to your clit. "close..."

melissa nodded her permission, her mouth busy with your button. with another hard roll of your clit between her lips and drive of her fingers into your sweet spot, you fell apart. you moaned and cried unbidden as she worked you through your orgasm, which felt twice as powerful thanks to the intoxication factor. your body shook in the grip of seemingly endless waves of heat.

your climax eventually died down and you squirmed away from melissa's touch. your mouth opened in dismay when instead of staying by your side, she stood up and disappeared into her closet.

after a short while, the older woman reappeared by your side. she was now nude and sporting a long, girthy strap-on. she placed a few other items on the nightstand, but you couldn't tear your eyes away from the thick faux cock. unless it was to look at her gorgeous tits, which swung with her every move. she was a goddess.

"okay, sweets, i'm gonna spell this out nice and slow because i know your brain is a little messy right now," she said as she crawled on top of you. "i'm gonna fuck you with my strap. and i know it's so big, but i have this to help you take it."

melissa reached over to the nightstand and retrieved a green mini wand vibrator. her intentions were clear, and you gulped. the redhead peppered kisses all over your face in reassurance.

"now relax, little love. let me in," melissa instructed as the wand buzzed to life. she smeared your wetness around your clit with her fingers, then pulled back its hood to position the vibrator tightly against your nub. even the lowest setting was a shock at such a direct angle.

while you were distracted trying to adjust to the clitoral stimulation, melissa aligned the tip of the dildo with your entrance and pushed in. you both groaned, and you felt yourself stretch around the toy. melissa turned up the vibrations on your clit as she progressed to being fully seated inside you.

"that's a good girl, so brave," melissa cooed. you thrashed underneath her, the sensations overstimulating you. the pain of the intrusion staved off a powerful orgasm from the wand vibrator.

again, you wondered if the drugs were messing with your mind—the dildo felt indistinguishable from a part of mel's body, and you were full to the brim of her.

as she began to rock her hips back and forth, you saw her bite her lip. you assumed that the strap had some kind of clit attachment for her based on the telltale signs of pleasure.

melissa built up a steady rhythm and drank in your pathetic sounds of pleasure. her tits swung in your face with every thrust, and you made a mental note to give them proper attention next time. with another tactical increase to the wand's speed, you felt yourself approaching the edge once more.

"you gettin' close? yeah, i can tell. feels too good to hide it, huh bunny?" that was a new one. you clenched at her words and she set the wand to its maximum power, rubbing it up and down on your clit. your vision went white and you spun out of reality as you came. "that's my girl. good little princess, coming so hard for me."

with a few more thrusts, melissa also came to a release. she shuddered and shimmied her hips at random while she rode it out. as soon as she recovered, she turned off the green wand and relieved you. next, she eased herself out of and off of you.

with a chaste peck to your lips, she sat upright and reached for the nightstand. she smiled at your fucked-out expression as she laid out the pajamas she'd picked out for you.

you watched in awe as she took off the strap and put on her own sleep clothes. her red hair was wild from the night's activities and glowed like a warm hearth against the white backdrop of her walls.

in your state, you wanted nothing more than to cuddle up with melissa and fall asleep. but she insisted that you get ready for bed so that you'd be comfortable through the night. she guided you into the bathroom and gave you a new toothbrush to use.

returning to the bedroom, you found a silky green nightgown with flowers on it waiting on the bed for you. given your exhausted and intoxicated state, melissa had to help you into it. neither of you minded. as a reward for your cooperation, she gave you a kiss.

the two of you snuggled into bed, tucked in together with you curled up against her chest. the tides of slumber lapped at your feet.

"g'night, lovebug," melissa whispered as you drifted off. "sleep well. see you in the morning."

and tomorrow would be the first of a lifetime of tomorrows waking up in her arms.

[xiaowang123456]

My friend really loves employee 432 so I drew my version of him seriously.Also as a complement of 'my parable'.

Emloyee 432，the timekeeper or the settings person whatever (Let's just call him 432) was the former protagonist in the story. At that time,the narrator was not as performative as now.On the other hand,he was far too serious.He made lots of crazy experiments on 432 to study human and that led to 432's madness.

Later the narrator felt bored with the mad person,so he deleted 432.BUT SOMEHOW IT DIDN'T WORK PERFECTLY.432 was alive though his existence was nealy erased.What's more,for his strong will,he became a demigod of the parable.

He was once a nice person.(however,his OCD and overcuirosity made him hard to finish his task in time.so not be welcomed by his boss and the narrator~)But through all thoes nonhuman experiments,432 lost his capacibility to empathize.After a long time being trapped in the company,he just wants to get back the feeling of controling his life.

He is very clever actually.Soon got uesd to his power and takes the best advantage of it.Finally there is a chance for enjoying his hobbies and having fun.The most intereing thing is obiously the new toy of NARRY:Stanley.It would be pretty fun to control someone else and see the narrator angry.

Different from the mean narrator,432 behaves much more kinder to Stanley.He insists he stands the same side with Stanley and is willing to help.Well,that's a dirty trick.The real purpose is to control Stanley both physically and mentally.

I know my thought is too dark but I really love this design.Hope you guys like it too.If not,I am very sorry for that.

The second pictrue shows how 432 uses Stanley's psychological weakness to gain his trust.He successed literally.And this scene is very simliar to that old meme.So I drew the third pictrue.

Because there is just a little content about the narrator,I'll just pass his tags.

[bonny-kookoo]

Jungkook

𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐓𝐢𝐦𝐞𝐬 [Part 2]

Everyone sometimes needs that special push- that one good reason- to break out of old shells, walls and habits, and make that change.

Tags/Warnings: Non-Idol Jungkook, Dog Hybrid!Reader, former criminal!Jungkook, mentions of past neglect/abuse, reader has some pretty bad psychological problems (OCD, Anxiety, Selective mutism, hints at an eating disorder), hypersomnia, road to recovery, hurt and lots of comfort, angst, Jungkook has some problems with aggression and swears a lot, more TBA in future chapters

There is no taglist for this fic.

A/N: You can have early access to this and other selected fics on my Patreon!

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It's right where he thought it might be.

You're basically drowning in the fabric of his sweater, but he's also never seen you so visibly calm during sleep. He can't even be mad about it- even though he usually does get rather irritated about his own clothes being taken by others.

He hates it. But for some reason, if it's you, he doesn't mind.

In fact, he's got to admit that you look cute like this. "We'll take a small walk to the park with the dog hybrids today. They need their time outside." Hana informs him as he puts the card hanging from the red string around his neck, so staff knows who he is. "They're all ready at the front, so you can go and check in with Yoha." Jungkook furrows his brows.

"What about her?" he asks, pointing to you who's still napping in the corner you're usually found in.

"She doesn't tag along." Hana says, as if he should know that. "She's not mentally fit for trips like that."

"I mean, on paper." Jungkook says, almost scoffing. "But like, did you ask her?"

"No, because she never comes along." She says rather defensively now. "Jungkook please, we know her better than you. Just stay here if you don't want to come along, but don't try and lecture me or anyone else here who's worked with her and other hybrids for years." She scolds.

But it seems like she doesn't know Jungkook.

Walking over to you, he's careful not to touch you, well aware that it could freak you out especially if you're asleep.

Doesn't know you, he scoffs to himself. He knows you better than her it seems, that's for sure.

"Hey." he tries, but you're sleeping too deep. "Hey, puppy. Wake up." he demands again, and now he can notice your ears moving, eyes opening after a few seconds, until his eyes widen at the sigh. You're smiling. Your tail is wagging.

You look genuinely happy.

"Hey there." he says, unable to hide his own smile either. "Hana said we're going to the park. You wanna come along?" he wonders, and he can see for a second that you're hesitating. "It's okay if you don't. No hard feelings. Just thought, you know, I should ask." he adds on, when you slowly sit up, playing with the strings of your sweatpants.

Then, you point at your shoes.

"Oh fuck, yeah, I forgot!" he shoots up, running to his bag where he pulls out another plastic bag, before running back to you. "I bought them a size smaller cause those you have seemed to big, but if you wear like, I don't know, socks or some shit in them they might fit." he explains, before pulling out some slip-in chelsea boots with almost no heel. Your eyes are like dinner plates at the sight. "Would be a good chance to try them out, no?" he wonders, nodding towards the small crowd of dog hybrids at the front, Yoha already counting everyone it seems.

So much for 'she doesn't ever come along', he angrily thinks.

And then, you pull on his sweater to get his attention. "Hm?" he wonders, just for you to hesitantly grab his sleeve. "I'll stay with you if that's what you're scared of. And we can go back at any moment." he reassures.

And that's what seems to make it work for you, because you move to slip into your new boots, before you get up and grab your coat from the hangers close by. He wants to say something to the staff-

But he composes himself, bringing you along to the front where Yoha and Hana already wait.

"Here." Hana says, giving him a yellow reflective.. Leash? "It's mandatory for her. I'm sorry, but without it-"

"Yeah yeah fucking protocol crap, I know." he grumbles more or less to himself, snatching the leash from her hands before he carefully clips it onto your collar. He cringes at the sight, hates it, and he hates it even more that somewhere in the backside of the logical part in his brain, he understands it.

He also comforts himself with the fact that you seem perfectly fine with the arrangement. It gives you a sense of security, equal as if holding onto his hand but without physical contact. You're skittish, still very much scared, but walking close to him seems to calm you down enough to make it work.

He didn't think you'd genuinely play at the park like the others do, and you don't- but that's fine.

The fact that you're here, that you're outside and at least attempting to find your way back into life away from your little bubble you've created shows him that you're not a lost case at all. A bit of work, and you could surely be adopted by someone nice who looks past all those issues. But somehow, the thought of you living with someone else makes him upset.

He knows he's not a good fit for someone like you.

He's talked to his best friend about it the night prior. It's a lot of responsibility already to live with a regular hybrid- but you're special needs. And considering his past mistakes and criminal record, there's simply no way to file for emotional support or therapy assistance.

It's beginning to rain a little, and he throws the hood of his sweater over his head before making sure your jacket is zipped up properly as well- like second nature.

You've noticed this before as well. He looks scary, with his piercings and tattoos and bold body and angry gaze. But he only looks that way. He's like a guard dog for you; a protector, because with him at your side nothing bad will ever happen. He's nice, a bit rough, but always friendly in his own way.

You like him.

Meanwhile Jungkook himself can't see what you see in him.

He's not the right person for you.

Next to him, you're perfectly content with your situation. Your tail is wagging sometimes in shared excitement when the hybrids in sight throw and catch a ball, but you also don't look like you actively want to participate. Watching seems to be more than enough, though you do check in if he's still next to you, tail wagging eagerly when he responds with a short smile your way.

He's not the right person for you, and he knows this.

When you walk back, he can feel your fingers grabbing the edge of his sleeve tightly, weighing his arm down a little. He notices the way his skin brushes against your fingers every now and then- feels how you do not react anymore, at all. There's a small moment of pure bravery, the sight of a road ahead, and the view of every hybrid standing in pairs holding hands that leads you to carefully slip your fingers between his. He quietly responds, holding your cold hand in his warmer one, thumb running circles over the soft back of your palm.

He knows he's not the right person for you.

But he wants to be.

[theyapper0]

Litte details abt my Hazbin rewrite that i wanna share :)

OK SO!!! IT'S DOOOOOONEEEE!!!!!!

So I FINALLY finished drawing out everything I wrote out for some major plot point in my hazbin rewrite 😋 BUT!!!

There's some things that I have made art of or talked about that are sorta important (but they're really not, just some silly things that I pictured in this that I never got the chance to talk about yet LOL!!!)

If you don't really care, feel free to skip this but there are some little doodles here too that will basically get all my points across just as well!

-So first point, I've touched on this a little bit here but Niffty and Husk are BROS. Like fr ride or die with each other.

In this rewrite, I want Niffty to have been an overlord like Husk (or at least just as powerful as he is because I feel like Alastor is EXTREMELY attracted to power and he wouldn't just make deals with weak as shit people unless he was gaining something GRAND).

But Husk and Niffty, they both.... really hate Alastor. I think Husk is much more vocal with his hatred towards Alastor but do NOT be fooled, NIFFTY WANTS HIS ASS IN THE GROUND TOO!!!!!!

And I think it's because of this hatred, because of this shared, unfortunate situation that they've both found themselves in in regards to being contracted to the Radio Demon, I think they are really close. Like, they look out for each other and watch each others backs because who else is gonna do it? ALASTOR? LOL!!!!

-Here's my Sir Pentious and Cherri Bomb designs!! I realized when I was making all those drawings for the rewrite that I never drew them! So here they are! 😋

Pentious has prosthetic arms that he made himself not too long after he arrived in Hell YEARS AGO bc I wanted to REAAALLY lean into the whole snake thing. And I also made him more steampunk-y because I think it's cool and that he'd look super adorable with little gear markings on his scales

And I read that Cherri died in around the 80's so I wanted to give her an aussie rocker look LMAOO Wild hair, big ol' hoop earrings and tattered clothes because she's COOL!!

-Niffty is the (m)hotel's maid/rooms keeper still (and it was only SLIGHTLY degrading in the beginning). The biggest reasons Alastor made her the maid is because of her OCD (he's an old man from the 1930's, he thinks OCD means being a neat freak) and because she is able to control all kinds of insects and vermin- which the hotel is INFESTED with

Niffty is also the only one with a spare key to Charlie and Vaggie's house, she's honestly the one they trust the MOST out of everyone at the hotel to have a key to their place in case of an emergency (and she only abuses it SOMETIMES)

-HUSK IS NOT THE HOTEL BARTENDER IN THIS!!!!!!

When I designed the hotel to look more like a motel, obviously there was no place to put a bar and I WANTED THAT! Like, I understand the humor in having a bar in a rehabilitation facility (it IS REALLY FUNNY I KNOW) but I really don't think that, even in this, neither Charlie or Vaggie would allow Alastor or Angel or anyone else to tell THEM what the hotel needs.

Like, they LITERALLY built this place with their BARE HANDS, I think they're both verrrry resistant to any changes and such that others may want to implement (for both the good and bad), even if that person was THE Radio Demon

So instead, Alastor had brought him in as a sorta bodyguard for the hotel (as a huge middle finger to Vaggie, who is not only the hotel manager but also is a very ready protector of this place)

(Husk DOES still sell liquor though, like that is something that is totally happening, it's just very hush-hush. He keeps it in his room and sells it to the patrons of the hotel (sometimes Pretentious and most of the time it's just Angel. Charlie and Vaggie have no idea this is happening))

(Niffty 100% knows since she's the one who cleans the rooms but she wouldn't sell out Husk because that's her bro)

-And speaking of the Radio Demon!!! Neither Charlie or Vaggie are scared of him. I mean, they're not really scared of him in canon (they could be sometimes tho ig)

Charlie is one of the strongest beings in Hell and Vaggie is (secretly) an angel who, as far as they all know, can't be killed by a Sinner. So neither of them are really threatened by him. Vaggie definitely voices this more than Charlie does, in fact, Charlie is almost always more than happy to just let Alastor talk and threaten as much as he wants because she's not violent and is very humble (that's what good people do, right?)

Alastor is also just as good of a Facility Manager of the Hazbin Hotel as he is in canon, and by that I mean he does not do his job and when he does, he sucks at it LOLLLL. He is very unhelpful.

-Sundays are the only day where the hotel isn't doing any reformative work/lessons so it's everyones' day off (it's holy day AMEN!) 

(Charlie WOULD make them pray on Sundays if it wasn't for the fact that every time she would try to guide a prayer, she would bleed from every hole in her body) 

-AND THE LAST POINT IS....

The Hazbin Hotel doesn't JUST do lessons in goodness, they also teach about the 10 Commandments and go on “field trips” to do volunteer work (soup kitchens, cleaning parks, helping Hell with one smile at a time :)

Thanks for reading and be sure to check in tomorrow for the first page of a comic retelling Charlie's meeting with Adam in episode one!!!

[vasito-de-leche]

Do you have any specific queer headcannons of r1999 characters if so which ones and why?

I wrote a bunch of stuff for this post but then tumblr fucked me up and reloaded without saving it so here we are..... rewriting it all over again ... OAUGH. usually I default to seeing everyone as Vaguely Bisexual and Not Cis until stated otherwise, but you asked for specifics so here we go!

6 is aromantic or demiromantic.

On one hand, it's because I love projecting on my faves. On the other hand, it's because he genuinely doesn't feel like the type of person to be interested in relationships. But this isn't something that's tied to any potential disgust, repulsion or even trauma related to his Revelation and struggle against fate -- to me, 6 just doesn't feel romantic attraction. At the very least, nothing strong enough to consider pursuing. It's not in his priorities. I really dislike this specific thing that fandoms do in which every single character who is introverted, or who happens to be alone/isolated (either by chance or by choice) is secretly lonely, touch starved, pining and desperate for attention and romantic love. It feels like such a huge disrespect for their equally important platonic or familial relationships. 6 already holds a lot of love for his own community and his childhood friends, a type of affection that is shown in his subtle and unique ways. I like it when his character focuses on those aspects instead!

Mesmer Jr. is aromantic and asexual.

In her case, she's the opposite of 6. Mesmer Jr.'s trauma and OCD is much too intense for her to even consider the idea of an emotional or physical bond with anyone. She's disgusted at the idea of touching others so casually, and she's afraid at the possibility of allowing a person (someone she logically cannot have any control over) into her life because what if they throw her off her schedule? What if they mess every meticulous thing she's planned for herself and her mental stability? What if she loses her grip? Yes, it's plausible that she may find a partner who works perfectly with the way she needs things to be, and yes, you can headcanon that she heals and her OCD becomes "manageable" enough to have a stable relationship, but personally? I just like it when characters don't get to have stereotypical happy endings in which everything gets better through love and friendship and support -- like, yeah everyone loves to see their faves happy and all but eh... It's a bit of projection on my part! Some people don't get to heal and do all the things their disabilities prevented them from doing, even if we're given all this support and love. Some of us just have to find ways around these things, anything that works for us that makes our lives easier.

Sweetheart is queer but has a complex relationship with love. In a somewhat similar vein, Blonney has gone through every single letter of the LGTBQ+ community.

I tried my best to explain my thoughts on Sweetheart but at this point she deserves her own post because it's honestly a LOT, this single part was just too long so I cut it out entirely. Just trust me when I say she's queer and has a very complex relationship with love. In Blonney's case, we discussed the possibility of her being written as comphet and it got me to think a little about her. I see Blonney as the type of girl who presents as a straight bimbo, following the themes of her character and all, but who has constant crisis after crisis in the privacy of her bedroom, the only place she's allowed to be more than just a blondie. This constant journey questioning her orientations and gender happens entirely in her head and in private. I like to think that she just has these long monologues in her head. Sure, she's identified as straight her whole life, but maybe bisexual works better because there was that one girl she kept meeting under the bleachers. Oh, but maybe she's a lesbian, since all her boyfriends are just huge disappointments and none of them ever make her truly happy. Oh, but maybe that's just because she has bad taste in men, there was that one guy in class who keeps making her laugh after all. Ahh, this would be so much easier if she were a guy, her femininity is mostly performative after all. Ah, but she actually really loves pink and fashion... Nonbinary then? No, she's not the type to pick something so vague, it's one or the other. Oh, how about both? Genderfluid! Etc etc. If you ask her about how she identifies, she'll simply brush you off with a "What's it to you? That's none of your business, creep!" and move on, but this is something very personal to her. So far, she knows she likes being femme presenting and that she likes Jessica!

Eagle is a trans girl.

Have you guys seen those posts going around tumblr about how important it is that trans women exist because they fight for their own womanhood and girlhood in a world that constantly looks down upon feminine things and all women as a whole? Yeah. Yeah. Eagle being a scout that fights so hard to prove herself, the feelings of not belonging into the Boy Scouts and seeing how the Girl Scouts are created eventually, a space for her. The fact that she visits her father's grave so that he can see her grow up.

Kaalaa Baunaa, Oliver Fog, Medicine Pocket and Melania are probably bisexual, but they're super busy with work so they don't have time to address that.

Self-explanatory <3 I do like to think that Kaalaa and Medpoc are more chill about it, Kaalaa because she's a grown ass woman who is very mature, and Medpoc because they genuinely give no fucking shits about dating in general, so who cares about confirming whether they're bisexual or not. Oliver Fog is a little more flustered at the idea of exploring his orientation and whatnot, but it's tolerable. BUT MELANIA? I LOVE to think that she's FULLY aware that the MOMENT she acknowledges her bisexuality, she will have a crisis and then what will she do? She has 3 papers due next week and a heist this weekend, she can't possibly sit there wondering about liking girls! She's got things to do!

And here's the extra round of HCs that don't require that much text to explain or that lean towards being more silly!

Eternity has literally outlived the concept of gender. She/They royalty.

37 has QRPs instead. It Just Works. No one but herself and her partners understand the dynamics, though. As god intended <3

APPLe is a raging bisexual and has been spotted in many gay bars. Regulus is also bisexual.

The world would've been a better place if Bette was a butch lesbian.

Balloon Party and An-An Lee play with gender like its playdough.

Baby Blue is Not Cis and she's Not Straight either because none of that shit matters to her anymore, since she's been disconnected from reality and society for so long. She also doesn't care about labelling herself.

Diggers is trans, but no one can figure out which way exactly. It doesn't help that he refuses to clarify either. The same thing happens with John Titor, except she's very vocal about being a transwoman.

Bunny Bunny is bisexual but she hasn't realized this yet. In similar fashion, Horropedia is bisexual but he just forgets about it sometimes.

Druvis III as a trans woman goes hand in hand with Forget Me Not as a gay man. This is why they're both super divorced.

Leilani is pansexual because she prefers the colors of that specific flag over the bisexual one. Spathodea is pansexual because the personal distinction between pansexuality and bisexuality matters to her.

Tennant is bisexual because she can scam and seduce more people that way.

The Fool is nonbinary. Mf should've been born in the 2020's, I just KNOW he would've loved mirrorgender.

Zima is in the closet not out of shame but out of safety. Just in case.

Sotheby assumes that every girl in the world likes girls. So far no one has been able to prove her wrong because all she does is interact with other sapphic girls.

Pavia is nonbinary out of spite. But I also love transguy Pavia HCs so so so much, give that guy boobs, he would never get top surgery <3

Vertin is nonbinary too but she doesn't care about people knowing about it. She does, however, make the effort to be a little androgynous, as a treat for herself.

Madam Z and Katz absolutely had a Situationship going on during university. Katz was bicurious and Madam Z helped her experiment. Now the Situationship is between Madam Z and Constantine, the latter using Madam Z as a rebound after fumbling her relationship with Vertin's mother <- the machinations in my brain will astonish you.

TTT is genderfluid by virtue of being a picture on a TV, so I like to think she can just shift her appearance. In similar fashion, gender means nothing to Alien T and Voyager because they're aliens.

I specifically love the idea of all of the 1.2 gang joking about how Tooth Fairy is their token straight adult figure -- she's actually bi and asexual, but likes to keep that to herself so the kids can make their little jokes and have fun.

Enigma is gay and homophobic because his self-loathing is just that strong.

Turns out that the push Click needed to explore his own sexuality was getting killed on the battlefield, so now he's free to be gay. perhaps bicurious.

[wrensartstash]

It's Soap Saturday so I bring you a(fairly scattered) Soap analysis

"Oh she only has OCD and no more she's written badly" I HAVE OCD AND WHILE THAT DEPICTION WAS EXTREMELY DAMAGING AND COULD'VE BEEN DONE BETTER, IT'S UNFORTUNATELY ACCURATE FOR SOME PEOPLE(it's me I'm some people). SHE OBSESSES OVER EVERYTHING AND BEING A SOAP BOTTLE PROBABLY DOESN'T HELP SINCE OBJECTS ARE EXPECTED TO ACT ACCORDING TO THEIR OBJECTS

She can't HELP IT!!! SHE TRIES TO GET BETTER BUT LETTING GO OF YOUR HABITS IS DIFFICULT ON YOUR OWN AND AGAIN, AS A BOTTLE OF SOAP, SHE PROBABLY FEELS MORE SOCIETAL PRESSURE TO BE GOOD AT CLEANING!!!! SHE FIXATES ON EVERYTHING BECAUSE IT'S ALL SHE FEELS LIKE SHE CAN DO TO HAVE ANY CONTROL OVER THE SITUATIONS SHES IN!!! Besides cleaning, she has ONE coping mechanism, and it's one that everyone else HATES(singing). So no WONDER she ends up just cleaning. For hours. And hours. And hours. To the point where it's irrational

ALSO THAT'S ANOTHER THING!! Having control over situations is very big for me, and fixating is one of those things that helps. For Soap, being in a clean space and cleaning the hotel helps her feel like she can actually be calm and helps control her emotions, because without her cleaning? The hotel would be in shambles! If SHE wasn't helping, then everything would fall apart!! Sure, this isn't reality, but for her? Someone who has tried again and again to make things better but just making them worse BECAUSE of her impulses? She needs to feel like she's doing SOMETHING or else she's nobody. Just another stereotype ignored by the narrative

It's not HER FAULT that she has OCD and it's not HER FAULT that societal pressures force her to be who she is. Besides, after Tissues got eliminated, she could've thought that SHE had a higher winning chance because he got eliminated for his trait being. Well. Sick. So, as the opposite, the fans should love her!! Right? So, she goes further, she puts soap on the pizza, she has a musical number while fixing the hotel, she does all of these things to not only give herself a sense of stability, but also to hopefully boost her appreciation from the audience

And it didn't work

The moment she STOPPED cleaning, it didn't work. She told Mic to listen to her heart when walking through the portal, but if we're being honest(and if we see the comics), she went right back to cleaning. The moment she tried to be less impulsive, she was eliminated. And there goes her control once again

As of now she's likely right back in that loop, cleaning endlessly despite being asked not to as it isn't needed, but she won't, because if she's not CLEANING, then she doesn't have a purpose. She can't just pick up a new hobby, this is her LIFE, and if she can't sing, then she only has one option left

Or maybe I'm just reading too much into a one note character, who knows

Happy Soap Saturday

[princessofmarvel]

Wonderland

summary | renfield sees a woman that catches his eye and knows that he shouldn’t speak to her, but he finds that he just can’t help himself.

pairing | robert montague renfield x fem!reader

wc | 1.2k

warnings! | none! maybe some cursing and not really proof read but it’s just fluff lol

genre | fluff!

author's note! | I saw renfield on sunday and just knew that I needed to write for him lol, especially since there are only a few fics on here about him, most of them are written by the amazing @youlightmeupfinn so definitely go check those out! this is a part of my “swift series” (where I write fics based on taylor swift songs)  so if you have any requests for the swift series (or for just something that you would like for me to write) please send them in! I would be happy to write about them! and as always, I do I have really bad OCD that causes me to write in some random capitalization, and punctuation, but I think that we don't have to worry about that in this fic lol. and let me know if there are any mistakes, but please be kind!

 Renfield was taking a stroll down the streets of New Orleans, he tells himself that it is to relax and to clear his head but in reality he was trying to figure out what to bring his master to eat that night. He didn’t want to bring him anyone innocent like he so desperately wanted, that's why he joined the support group in the first place, to bring those people's monsters to him. To bring people that he wouldn’t have to feel so guilty for. But, his boss didn’t like the taste of those people too much. 

He spotted a coffee shop that doubled as a bookstore a few paces down and decided to slip in to sit and think about this. That was when he spotted her. Someone he knew his master would actually praise him for bringing back to the lair. She was the most stunning beauty he had ever seen. Sat in the back corner with a latte and what appeared to be a new romance novel that she was on the last few pages of. She was perfect. 

Renfield ordered some tea and took a seat not too far from her, but not so close that he would seem weird. He knew he couldn’t bring her to him. No matter how much his master would appreciate it. No matter how much praise he would get for doing such a good job, he just couldn’t do it, it couldn’t, wouldn’t be her. 

He wanted to speak to her, he knew he shouldn’t though. He knew that he should never involve someone like her in his life. But, he also knew that if he had the chance to, that he would regret for the rest of his life if he didn’t 

The girl then got up and moved towards the bookshelf. He watched her as she spotted something on the very top shelf that she wanted. He watched as she frowned to herself and huffed and she tried to reach for it but couldn’t. He knew he shouldn’t do this, that this one simple and kind gesture would end up leading him down a rabbit hole, but his feet thought for him as he stood up and made his way to the bookshelf and reached up and grabbed the book she wanted and handed it to her. 

“Thank you so much! I wish these things weren’t so tall.” She said as she looked up at him. Her voice just added to her appeal, it was soft and you could tell she was kind just from the sound of it. 

“I agree, It’s like the person who invented them just wanted a cruel laugh.” He said before he could stop himself. 

“Yes! Exactly! Oh I’m (Y/n) by the way.” She said as she put her hand out to him, his body taking over his mind and shaking it. 

“Robert Montague Renfield” He said as he shook her soft hand. 

“That’s a nice name, sounds fancy.” She said which earned a chuckle from him. “I noticed you’re alone, would you like some company Robert?” She asked. He could tell she was nervous to ask, but seemed like she wasn’t asking out of pity, but out of genuine interest in talking to him. He found himself saying yes and following her back to her table in the corner. 

The two spoke for hours, she asked about where he was from, which led to him talking about how hard it is to find good tea in america. He asked about the new book she had picked up, which was ‘Alice in wonderland’, which led to her talking about her love for the 1951 animated movie (He made a mental note to watch it later). They just laughed and talked for hours. Then the conversation led to work. He found himself telling her about having a narcissistic boss that worked him to the bone. And, it never seemed like he really Appreciated it. Then he accidentally let it slip that his boss made him feel like he was undeserving of happiness. He regretted it immediately because he saw how sad it made the girl look. 

“Oh Robert, that's just not true. Everyone is deserving of happiness.” She held up her hand to keep him from interrupting and stopping her. “I know it seems like sometimes you don’t, maybe because you’ve done some things that you regret, but as long as you make peace with those things and accept those things, to know that they were the wrong things to do. And, you work to better yourself from them. Then there is no reason why you should not deserve happiness.” She said to him with a smile. 

Then he realized that her hand was laying on top of his from across the table. She must have realized that she had done that because she pulled her hand away and seemed slightly embarrassed. 

“Thank you, you don’t know how much I needed to hear that.” he said while looking at her. He felt like he needed to change the subject, in fear of making things awkward. “So, what do you do for work?”

“Oh, I uh, work here actually.” she said finally looking back at him after feeling embarrassed. “Oh god i seem pathetic, I swear I have a life and friends, I just like to come here when I have some time to relax.” She said while letting out a small laugh. 

“You don’t seem pathetic, I would do the same if my work place was as relaxing as here.” Renfield said while giving her a soft smile. 

“I actually go in later, wait what time is it?” She checked her phone and jumped up out of her seat when she saw the time. “Oh my god I was supposed to start an hour ago, and I’m here, Linda why didn’t you say anything?” She said turning around towards the older woman working the register. Who in return gave her a wink and a smile before tending to the customer now in line, the first in hours. 

“I’m so sorry Robert, I have to go.” She said as she gathered her things. He knew he shouldn’t, but he needed to see her again. 

“Perhaps we could do this again sometime?” he said, folding his jacket over his arms.

“I would love to, you could give me your number and we could plan something.” The girl said with a smile. 

“Oh, I don’t have a phone.” He said, which he immediately regretted since he knew in this day and age was weird. “I broke it yesterday, I was going to replace it tomorrow.” He said quickly thinking of something. “But, I can pick you up here this weekend, if you would be interested.” 

“That sounds great, what time?”  

“I was thinking maybe around 1:00? I hear the weather will be nice on Saturday, so I thought maybe we could have a picnic.” He said, knowing that doing something during the day would mean that his boss could not interrupt it, 

“That sounds wonderful, It’s a date.” She said while making her way to the registrar. “I’ll see you then Robert.” 

He smiled and said goodbye as he made his way out the door and onto the street, the sun starting to go down. He had realized what exactly he had done. He knew that he couldn’t let his boss find out about her, and he also knew how hard that would be to do. But, knowing that he would get to be with her, made how hard this would be worth it. 

“Oh fuck me.” he said making his way back to his boss, but with a smile on his face, something that hadn’t truly been there in a long time.

[roe-and-memory]

was thinking about it and realized another Lovely idea for sally !

ocd, right. shes got it. a lot of her intrusive thoughts surround other people, but when her and lightning starr dating nd get married and everything, everything just gets.. so much worse.

every race, all she can think about is him crashing and dying. it’s an impossible thought for her to avoid - i mean, obviously, its an intrusive one - but even after the race is over she Cant shake it. instead, her mind moves onto “what if this is just a hallucination and he really Did crash and die during the race, and im just so grief stricken that i dont realize this isnt real?”

she never brings these thoughts up to him - maybe after he eventually chooses to retire - but she already struggles with the fact they just exist, she couldnt have him being Aware of their existence too.

all race, every race, she sits in the pits with her headphones on and her stomach fills with dread while she watches him drive. she puts her head down, closes her eyes, presses her hand against her heart, and takes deep breaths, and nothing makes them stop. in reality, they just get a hundred times worse as time passes, and she’ll get very physically distressed about it. she taps Her Pattern into anything that makes noise, whether it be the metal of the pit box or just tapping hard into her own skin on her leg, and she Counts. and she does it over and over again because Sometimes it brings her peace knowing that doing this means shes “lessening the chances” of him crashing and getting hurt.

but, like i said, these dont go away easy. after a race, later that night when theyre dozing in the motorhome, she’llmpress her head against his chest and cling to him like a lifeline. sally will fall asleep to the sound of his breathing and his consistent heartbeat, and she Cant bring herself to let go of him.

eventually she does bring these thoughts up to doc, and hes understanding. he tells her theres nothing wrong with it, theyre just Thoughts, and she isnt manifesting anything. it doesnt help much again, but doc wasn’t necessarily trying to tell her its impossible. instead, he picks up on her distress in the pits and teaches her car-lingo so she can understand if lightning is saying somethings wrong with the car. he’ll wrap his arm around her shoulder in that Dad way and promises her nothings gonna happen to him, he’ll be Fine.

imagine when lightning crashes in cars 3 and doc Isnt there to console her.

:3

[strawberryflavoredvenum]

Creepypasta hcs.

TW: Mental illness/sh. It's nothing too graphic but if you don't want to hear about that I would recommend not reading this sorry🩷🩷🩷

Toby

🤎has LOTS of piercings. It's not like he can feel it so why not? Not just on his face, everywhere. With an unsterilized sewing needle he found somewhere. It's a miracle they don't all get infected.

🤎 Toby's one of the girls according to Nina. He's also known to attend a tea party or two with Sally.

🤎He basically lives in ejs room. His own room is just for storing belongings at this point. He sleeps late so there isn't an issue with him interrupting ejs routine.

🤎LOVES extreme flavors. Spicy, sour, salt and vinegar. He has a bad sense of taste so these flavors make food more fun for him.

🤎He is bisexual. He thought he was asexual before meeting ej. He had a brief crush on clockwork but she made it clear that it wasn't going to happen.

Ej

💙Very quiet and awkward with most people. Nina likes to rant to him because he listens well and she likes to talk a LOT.

💙He looks tough and like he doesn't care but in reality he gets really overwhelmed in social settings.

💙He has OCD and horrible intrusive thoughts. He struggles with self esteem issues because of that and the cannibal thing.

💙A bad intrusive thought he has is imagining himself eating other proxies. It makes it hard to talk to them face to face. He feels really guilty.

💙He worries a lot about freaking out toby but he couldn't care less. Toby doesn't care about cannibalism or the ocd repetitions or anything. Why would he?

💙He is so lucky he managed to get a room with a bathroom attached so he can do his morning routine without interruption.

💙He doesn't have a label when it comes to sexuality. He doesn't think about it at all. Toby was his first and he doesn't think there'll ever be anyone else.

Nina

🩷has a slight crush on clockwork but doesn't do anything about it. She would still be with Jeff in a heartbeat if he gave her a chance so it doesn't feel right to pursue Natalie.

🩷Erotomania hit her HARD. It's what started this all. Since becoming a proxy, it slowly got better. Especially when she gained female friends. Talking with Jane really helped. She still likes Jeff and is prone to relapses.

🩷She didn't have friends before becoming a proxy. She was a 'weird kid' and she scared other kids off. It majorly contributed to her mental illness/ obsession with Jeff

🩷 She's a maladaptive daydreamer. Sometimes she'll pace around her room listening to music and imagining things. Sometimes she'll convince herself that the things she'll imagine are true(Jeff).

Jeff

❤️he is absolutely disgusting. He'll murder people and later crawl into bed without even taking his clothes off. Shoes in the house/ on his bed. He doesn't care. Slenderman had to intervene a lot.

❤️He is very aggressive with the other proxies. He's in a constant spiral and it honestly saddens the others. They are tired of him but also sad for him.

❤️he yelled in Sally's face one time when she touched his stuff and got beaten up by multiple other proxies(with Sally out of the room of course). Safe to say they don't get along.

❤️ he's surprisingly gentle with smile dog. They love to play with each other and smile sleeps in Jeff's room. He's always in a lighter mood with smile dog. He's just a dog person in general.

❤️ Despite how he acts he does like most of the other proxies. It's very hard for him to apologize but he does feel guilty when he rages. His way of saying sorry is usually in the form of handling missions for them or a chore they had to do.

Slenderman

🤍I wouldn't say he feels parental towards the proxies but he definitely feels something towards them. Idk if even he knows. They are under his control and they do his bidding but he also worries about them. It's not a Healy relationship obviously but it's more than worker and boss.

🤍He has a soft spot for Jeff. It's why he gets away with more than the others do. He takes care of him as best he can while dealing with everyone else.

🤍He spoils Sally and lazari so much. The proxies do to. When they kill people the retrieve toys or candy from their houses for them. They get their way 90% of the time. Everyone mostly feels bad that kids are living in this environment.

[changingplumbob]

Foster Household: Chapter 9, Part 1

CW: Mental Health Struggles - Guide to content warnings

Back with the Fosters! All blood related, it’s just their last name is Foster. Carson is a teen and has more than his fair share of problems. On ageing up he found out he had asthma which led to him developing OCD in an attempt to control it. He is on some medication to help and at long last it seems that Sulani is getting a counsellor to see him for talk therapy. It’s his first appointment today so he’s feeling a bit worried.

Harvey: We definitely made the right choice moving here, no such thing as Winter

Kayleigh: I don’t know, the house feels too big with all the kids gone

Harvey: We’ll have grandkids to fill it soon enough. Morning Carson

Carson: Hmm? Oh, hey dad

Kayleigh: You okay honey?

Carson: You know me mum, nothing can dent me

Kayleigh: You say that but being a teen is hard, remember we were teens to

Carson: I am aware mum, that’s how growing up works

Harvey: Are you sure you don’t want to come for a run with me this morning

Carson: Thanks for the offer dad but I can’t risk it

Kayleigh: Because of the asthma?

Carson: Yeah. My inhaler disappeared

Kayleigh: What would Deanna’s brother say? You know the paranoid one

Harvey: Mod must have been deleted

Carson: It's not enough to talk about Reece but now you're talking about his stupid friends to? I really don’t know that I believe in mods but I swear I’ve looked everywhere

Kayleigh: You shouldn’t need it unless you have an attack right

Carson: Technically but it helps to know it’s there

Kayleigh: Well make sure you mention that to the counsellor

Carson: *sighs* I will mum, I’ve got a whole mental list of stuff

Harvey: When you’re finished meet us down by the beach, my club is having a get together

Carson: Will they all be there? Bob and James and stuff?

Harvey: Yep, and this is my chance to meet Ariadne. She likes fishing apparently and James is looking for more things he can do with her

Carson: Cool. Well I better get on, I’ve got homework and stuff first

Kayleigh: The appointment will go well honey, try not to worry too much

Using the most of the fine weather Kayleigh went out for a swim. Yes the ocean was right there but so was the swimming pool. Harvey went for his normal run around the island. He may be getting on in years but he wasn’t going to let his body condition slip away from him. Still inside Carson stuck to cleaning, there was a lot to do if he just looked for it. Dishes needed rinsing, and the sink could really do with a clean, and the fridge was getting messy inside. Eventually he did enough to take a break and call his best friend.

Carson: Hey, I didn’t wake you right?

Onyx: Nah, I’ve been up for hours just reading to Maelstrom

Carson: You and that horse, it’s like you’re merging in to a centaur

Onyx: You worried about seeing the counsellor

Carson: No! I mean... maybe, why

Onyx: You’re extra cranky when you’re stressed, which I get because me to you know

Carson: It’s just he’s bound to ask all these questions and what if I don’t want to talk about things

Onyx: I mean you’re going there to talk right? So you’ll be talking

Carson: Yeah but I just thought, what if he asks about like crushes and stuff

Onyx: Why would he ask that

Carson: It’s just... all my feelings are so confusing I can barely figure me out

Onyx: Well maybe talking about it could help. Just because I’m pan doesn’t mean I understand all about orientations. *chuckles* You really don’t want to ask her out till you get your head sorted huh

Carson: I really don’t. Am I just being a coward by not telling her I like her though

Onyx: Carson, it’s taken you long enough to find someone attractive at school dude, it makes sense you don’t want to rush it

Following her swim Kayleigh decided to do some more painting, she had maxed skill but practice never hurt, especially when she wanted to create masterpieces like the ones that hung framed on her walls. She’d recently moved some pictures of her kids and their partners down near her eye level to add inspiration.

Before he left the house Carson made sure to clean the stovetop. If he didn’t then his dad could start a fire and burn the house down while he was out. Then he would be an orphan, and his siblings would hate him. Safest thing was just to clean it himself to prevent any fire causing build up. He sighed. The intrusive thoughts were something else. He didn’t have a way to shut them off except going through the cleaning motions. Hopefully the counsellor could help.

Carson: Okay Mum, I’m... I’m going

Kayleigh: Be safe honey. Remember the counsellor is there to help you

Carson: Sure he is. Probably think I’m nuts and recommend I be locked up

Kayleigh: What was that dear

Carson: Nothing Mum, I’ll see you after

Previous (Knightstone) ... Next

[sudokufag]

Mmm it's something I've always wanted a chance to talk about but have never gotten a real chance to online or in real life but since it's disability pride month and all

I wanna give a huge shoutout to people with phobias. (long post ahead)

I feel like phobias aren't talked about nearly as much as they should be in mental health spaces. We talk a lot about people's triggers related to traumatic events, but we don't really cover what it's like to have a trigger from a phobia.

Phobias can come from trauma, but just as many times that happen for no reason at all. Sometimes a slightly uncomfortable, embarrassing or spooky one time occurance buries itself into your mind for no reason at all and it just stays there because the human mind is funny and often slips up.

There's not really a community for phobias, if you look up your phobia online you will be flooded with really triggering images, you can't search any tags online because those tags exist to censor triggers, not to form a community. (not to say that those tags aren't important ofc they are) The closest I've seen is the tag "actual phobia" in Tumblr but this seems small and drowned out by fandom posts somehow.

Phobias are hard and exhausting. They effect you in ways that people wouldn't expect and you cant really explain. They can be humiliating to have: kids in middle school intentionally would trigger my phobia because they didn't understand the severity until I fainted onto the floor. I'm an adult by my mom has to hold my hand and head at the doctors office so I don't break down like a child, the worst was when I had to get my covid shot and confused children and judgemental elderly people alike stared at me in the midst of my meltdown.

Phobias are very isolating. That new movie everyone raves about has triggering subjects right on the poster and no one really thinks to tag it while it's trending. That video game looks right up my alley, but oh, it triggers my phobia and theres no way to censor it in the settings. You try to tell friends and family about your issues as they halfway pay attention as they file your fears under the same urgency "needs to ask their partner to kill the spider". If you've got an uncommon or silly sounding phobia, you will straight up get laughed at for expressing your fear, even in what should be really progressive and accepting places.

It's hard to really describe a meltdown to someone who's never had them. Phobias often make people cry and scream and kick involuntarily, we can vomit and drop in blood sugar and have migraines and faint. To say that it's the feeling of walls closing in on you is to only put in the slightest terms. When I have a meltdown, I feel like I am dying. It's the most pain and fear you can feel, reverting you back into a confused childlike state, and the only reprieve I can get is knowing that I 15 minutes I will feel better if a little tired and I will get to drink a coke with a silly straw as congratulations for making it through.

Lots of people will give you a flat and unsympathetic "get help." even when they're typically progressive enough to know it's rude to say that to people suffering from things like depression. It applies to us too! It's damn hard to get a therapist already, even harder to feel ready to look a phobia in the eye. Signing up for exposure therapy is a very scary thing to do.

So to anyone reading this with a phobia or phobias:

Weather being the very common ones or ones so rare and niche that you aren't taken seriously, and God help you on avoiding triggers

Being unable to enter doctors offices or grocery stores or the post office without shaking in fear

Those whole also struggle with OCD too and have intrusive thoughts about their phobias, triggering them even when sitting alone in their room

Those who's circle doesn't take their phobia very seriously and feels lost and alone when triggered

For those who have been hospitalized or institutionalized because of their phobia

You're not alone! And all feelings, even the very worst feelings, always will come to pass.

I wish that there was a community around phobias the same way there is for my conditions ADHD and anxiety, so we could learn coping mechanisms and better understand ourselves as people through each other's experiences. I'm not sure how that'd work or what that'd look like, but the best way I can think of to get started is to post things like these!

*feel free to share you experience if you want to in the tags

[death---dealer]

from concerned anon,

please be cautious moving forward, with trying to have a baby. Children can change the dynamic of the relationship drastically for the worse due to the parents being unprepared and in a lot of cases, unfit . and a lot of husbands change after children come into the picture .

make sure your husband doesn't become or already is a child you constantly have to clean up behind, and you, as the woman should not be solely responsible for the majority of the domestic labor of the home ...

there's too many stories of men cheating on their spouse while she is pregnant, and using children to trap women to keep them away from their careers and hobbies / to slow them down

babies are extremely expensive and are an insane amount of work . not even including the several health risks for you, the mother.

i just really hope your husband is an actual good man and is actually worthy of a wife and children (99% of men are not due to societal conditioning)

i watch ceciliaregina275 , sheisapaigeturner and other related stuff on tiktok for tons of extremely valuable , educational and basically life saving content for women when it comes to men, dating, children, etc .

just want to make sure you are in a safe, secure, and healthy relationship ... and are making the best decisions for you

Hiii. Thank you kindly for the concern and I really appreciate you reaching out to me regarding. I really don't share much about my life regarding my husband and such because no one knows the inner-workings of our relationship.

I trust my husband - he trusts me. I think that is a very good basis and we've been on and off talking about having a child for the last year. I am Diabetic, and it was a heavy thing on my agenda to get myself in the best shape possible for a baby, and my husband was incredibly supportive of that, considering pregnancy for me will be considered very high risk. I am supporting my husband as he goes through some things for his OCD - both of us recognizing that they are pressure points that could and most likely will flare up upon the arrival of a baby. We have learned great coping and to learn how to depend upon each other in circumstances of need.

This has been a discussion we've had for three years. We have followed the plan we set for ourselves since then. We moved into an apartment together, we got engaged, we had a wedding, we got a house ( this year baby ) and I actually wasn't the one to bring it up first - My husband did, and he told me he felt it was time, that we are both ready and we are both equipped with proper tools.

Like said, thank you so much for taking time to send me this, I really do understand where you are coming from, but like said, no one here knows the inner-workings of our relationship, etc. Be assured that I myself have done a lot to ensure I am ready ( I am also the youngest of 7 and have seen all of my siblings go through it. In fact, my brother is going through it right now with his incredibly narcissistic and emotionally abusive wife and I am taking notes ). I was also in a very abusive relationship before I met my husband, and ended up having to do some things I wish I never had to do and never thought I'd have the chance again. So, thank you again. The concern is heart warming, and I am posting this message in case someone else needs it.

[rin-and-jade]

Damn it, Back to Square One: A Post about Skill Regression

It's like how that one time you had an interest to practice a cool trick for impressing people, and you're fully committed until it was pulled off perfectly, only to be performed once before its forgotten for a good while.. Yet, when you thought of going back to that well-practiced trick, it barely replicated the results that was from the previous attempt.

How? You perfectly knew how to do it inside your mind, but your hands failed to perform otherwise. Which means being forgetful wasn't the culprit, but to how our brains store these learnt skills--or behaviors. This is an example of skill regression, let's learn more!

TLDR fast pass: AVAILABLE

What was that?!

That setback? - oh, not to shock you with it being a real thing, here's the general definition of it:

"A phenomenon which entails gradual or abrupt loss of previously acquired skills." - PubMed Central

Yikes, um, nevermind. That DOES sound like a shocking problem... but yes, to put it simply, this regression can be regular or abrupt depending on the circumstances that triggers it. Skill regression also can manifest as temporary or permanent loss of any skills, too.

By the way, everyone can experience this type of regression, though for those who are neurodivergent,, they actually risk skill regressing 5x more than a normal person would, double freaking out right now? Save your screams, i haven't said it is doom's day with no cure.

Then why,, why?

im not telling. Just kidding,,

Here's where thing's get complicated.. There's two common neurodivergence, and those two divergence have fully different reasons why a skill regression was triggered. Isn't this wonderful--you're going to read longer than you'd expect now. (Ha! But knowledge is power.) I'll attempt to keep it as concise though;

Those with ADHD, this is why you got setback:

Stress - it can impede how well you perform or think, causing a temporary regression. Tasks that are usually effortless now takes double the amount of effort to achieve the same result.

Unfamiliarity - You might've practiced singing in your own personal home, the unique atmosphere, and audience who resides in that abode feels like a default setting due to exposure and repetition. So, if you were to do it outside in public, or a stage, the sense of anxiety and zero preparation in a different setting causes your brain to simply.. short circuit. It's temporary though.

Executive Dysfunction - because of how it impairs many other processes such as planning, action, memory, and focus,, these impairments can severely impact how you apply the learnt skills to reality. This is a comorbid-related default reason for regression.

Those with Autism, this is why you got setback:

Overstimulation - sensory disruptions and overwhelm can cause an imbalance in cognitive function, it's like how a computer lags from the sheer amount of information and causing all necessary operations to a halt. This is temporary, upon retreating from stressor.

Unpredictability - routine and stability is where people with ASD function at peak, obstacles that got caught up in the way breaks this flow of mind, as if a train had derailed from it's tracks. Depending on if it is solvable or not, it can be temporary or permanent regression.

Inconsistency - Skills need to be practiced, and often require repetition to further ingrain it. Without it, you would have difficulty applying to different contexts or even worse, fail to create a solid neural pathway and decayed. It can vary from temporary or permanent regression.

Other conditions that cause skill regression:

Neurogenerative diseases such as Alzheimer or Parkinson

Brain damage

Psychological disorders such as depression, OCD, Schizophrenia

Nutrient deficiencies that impact brain function

Withdrawal side effects

Stress

The issue complicates even further when you have other conditions, and/or have ADHD and Autism at the same time. This causes higher chances of overlapping and potential stressors that triggers the regression.

How is this system related?

I promise this post is also related to systemhood, but the basics on this phenomenon still has to be taught so you and i are on the same page. This has been sufficient, so let's finally get to the point of this post!

Right, this is where the questions start flooding, "why do alters have different proficiency?" "why are some unaffected, yet others are susceptible?", and other kinds. Let me go straight to the point.

Alters retain different memories, and they don't get to choose what they remember. These memories can be explicit or implicit information:

Implicit - Where actions are unconsciously adapted and performed, needing no conscious awareness or effort. Automatic. E.g. riding a bike, writing, holding cutlery.

Explicit - Where actions require active recall and thinking in order to be performed. Manual. E.g. math multiplication, reading comprehension, speaking (needs vocabulary)

Skill regression can impact two main aspects such as:

Your social skills - how you pronounce, how to start speaking, or how you use the words, or stay engaged in a conversation

Your motor skills - how you do independent actions, how well is your rough and soft skills, or muscle memory

And sometimes, you can have both skills impacted

Which means.. what the part remembers, can also impact different kinds of regression it will be susceptible too. For those who have shared skills but cannot perform as good, or at all, compared to the proficient alter, this regression is natural due to the dissociative element.

Something feels wrong..

What was that? You just had a realization which unintentionally causes you to function worser than ever without the skills returning?

It seems like you learnt to do things when masking. It basically means when you are used to living in a tight little box, and finally got out of it,, it is more difficult to fit in there again which conveys the strain in upkeeping the skills you had learnt previously.

The purpose of masking is to function on a daily basis to avoid conflict or negative experiences,, it can be as simple as conforming to the norm of "eye contact when talking" or alternatively it is how you cope while being unaware of your condition (such as baring uncomfortable textures, thinking everyone feels that way)

Problem here is, because it feels wrong/unaddressed yet it keeps you going, it will take more energy the longer you upkeep these skills in a masked state as the core issue wasn't tackled. This will slowly bring you to a burnout. So when you realize that this isn't the norm, your mind just drops everything on the ground in relief as its silently detrimental to your health, no matter how convinced you it is helpful.

This is a permanent skill regression caused by any kinds of exhaustion.

Things won't go back to normal?!

Sadly... no. Good news is, you can always build a new framework!

Though, you will be immediately greeted with a problem: hypersensitivity.

After realizing and being aware of the situation, the accumulated stress, and any other factors that comes into play,, being overwhelmed would happen in a daily basis when left unaddressed, so make sure to minimize the sensory/emotional stressors and pay attention to any heightened senses. Also incorporate regulation tools, since if emotions were suppressed when masking, unmasking means releasing these pent-up feelings, making emotions more intense than usual.

Burnout is not normal exhaustion too, so refrain from overexerting yourself and implement lots and lots of rest.

From here on, it will be easier to re-learn everything from the start, and specifically in ways that accommodates your needs. It takes plenty of time in order to see results, if you need any help in this aspect, you are always free to reach out to me or search for any resources regarding this.

Another reminder for yourself, this type of skill regression also cause other symptoms such as trouble focusing, poor memory, and overall difficulty in doing regular tasks as it feels taxing.

Last notes

Okay my bad, you must've expected that alters are involved with skill regression due to CDD's--but apparently, it is closer to neurodivergent experiences that manifested in systemhood.

What are your thoughts on this? I was surprised myself, were you too? Let me know what's interesting in this post so far, and other questions you might have!

- j

--

TLDR

What is Skill Regression?

Skill regression is the loss of previously acquired skills, either temporarily or permanently.

More common in neurodivergent individuals (e.g., ADHD, autism).

Causes of Skill Regression:

ADHD:

Stress: Impairs performance.

Unfamiliarity: New settings cause anxiety.

Executive Dysfunction: Affects planning and memory.

Autism:

Overstimulation: Sensory overload disrupts function.

Unpredictability: Routine disruptions cause setbacks.

Inconsistency: Lack of practice leads to skill decay.

Other Conditions That Cause Skill Regression:

Neurodegenerative diseases (Alzheimer’s, Parkinson’s)

Brain damage

Psychological disorders (depression, OCD, schizophrenia)

Nutrient deficiencies

Withdrawal side effects

Stress

Skill Regression in Systems:

Alters may have different skill levels due to varied memories and experiences.

Dissociative elements can naturally cause skill regression.

Addressing Skill Regression:

Build new frameworks tailored to your needs.

Minimize stressors and incorporate regulation tools.

Ensure plenty of rest to avoid burnout.

Skill regression is more correlated to neurodivergence which in return affects system experiences, rather than where being a system causes skill regression.

[eebibly]

The Fairy Tail anime should not have made the Eclipse Spirits arc.

Spoiler Warning

I was super excited for this arc. I knew it was filler and would end up relatively inconsequential to the main story because it can’t (or at least shouldn’t) mess with manga canon, but I felt like the Eclipse designs were really cool (most of them anyway) and the celestial spirits were finally getting the attention that they so deserved! So when I finally got to watching it as the episodes came out week by week, I was so disappointed to slowly witness the anime equivalent of a train wreck that only got worse with every new release.

It’s bad. Might as well start with that. Plain and simple. It’s horrible. It lures the viewer in with an intriguing premise: Lucy’s golden spirits aren’t appearing when summoned, her silver spirits are harmed and in distress. Suddenly, her beloved Zodiacs appear before her —having taken on completely new forms— to declare their freedom from the shackles of celestial contracts; even though they have no memory of Lucy and what they’ve been through together.

And, already, therein lies the anime’s first mistake. The Zodiacs, simultaneously, have absolutely no recollection of their previous lives or masters, and yet also harbour a deeper resentment for both. So much so that they are willing to give up their immortality and lives just for a taste of some ‘true freedom’. This implies that, despite the amnesia, there is deeply-rooted residual trauma that Lucy and friends could have addressed in order to reach out to them. Although Lucy, famous for being especially respectful of spirits, may not have done anything specifically wrong, this could still be a good chance for her to better understand what freedom, bond and loyalty actually mean to her spirits. And then, she could readjust to meet their needs. Instead, the anime gets very stuck by the fact that they’ve forgotten everything. So the spirits just end up sounding like petulant children, covering their ears. The anime can’t decide whether we, the viewers, should be taking their concerns seriously or just feeling bad for Lucy who has to deal with her oddball pesky spirits again- But This Time, They Might Die!! Edition.

One could argue that the anime didn’t want to explore the same concept of freedom 12 times over. Except, they didn’t have to. There are so many different ways to explore what freedom means to each spirit, especially since each one has a room dedicated to them. It’s a perfect yet wasted opportunity to actually delve into each spirit and how they feel about their existence. Some quick, underdeveloped ideas: Leo could have been a reflection on what it means to have power, but the way that that power is used is out of his control; Aries could be a deep-dive into how to deal with abuse and trauma when stuck with a soft heart; Aquarius could have a been a deliberation on independence vs codependence; Virgo— exploring the difference between loyalty and servitude, etc.

One may argue that it would have taken too much time to do that though, considering the allotted amount of episodes for the arc (being 15). But I would argue that some of the *checks Wikipedia* 10.5 extra filler episodes before and after this arc could have been used for this purpose, instead of filling more space with (cute, but mostly mediocre) one-shots that, honestly, could have just been OVAs. I don’t think they’re useless or anything, I just feel that those episodes could have been better spent on making the Eclipse arc actually good. (Except Kemo-Kemo~ sweet baby’s story is exactly where it should be and he deserves so much love.)

However, we instead get a hodgepodge of slapstick gags and situational ironies in nonsensical minigame-esque battles. Taurus getting defeated because he’s a germaphobe? Really? You’d rather make fun of OCD (or other related neurodivergent diagnoses) over just actually having a meaningful conversation about what Taurus wants to achieve out of this rebellion? A boring Game Show where Levy is forced to reveal her oh-so-not-secret crush? Magic The Gathering Scorpio??? Don’t even get me started on Aries and Virgo… On top of that, the characters speak to one another as if they’ve resolved… something (for example, Wendy and Aquarius wanting to play together again someday), and will see each other again in the spirits’ eclipse forms—which I had assume they were trying to revert. Unfortunately, there’s literally no point to any of their bonding… especially after they forget it all when they become normal again anyway.

Not to mention, every other conversation is just a looped wall: “Loke, I’m saving you cuz you’re my friend and Lucy is sad!” - “My name is Leo!!!”; “Virgo, let’s talk, I don’t want you to feel enslaved, I swear!” - “Yeah right, stupid human, have some mayo down your tits”; “Please, Libra, I just wanna be friends again!” - “Shut up, balance is all”. Worst of all, these are the few examples where the humans managed to break through to them minimally. Everyone else simply had no brain cells left and were just like: “Welp, guess I lost. Peace out.” It is just the laziest writing. They even chose to ignore Loke and Gray’s canonical friendship, all for the sake of making Natsu shine again… (listen, I love Natsu- but THE BROMANCE C’MON. It all just felt forced.)

And on top of that, you know all those interesting themes that could have been explored but that ultimately amount to nothing? The story then pivots and decides: “you know what? It actually DOES mean NOTHING!!!” Because (plot twist!) the freedom they actually wanted was from their power-hungry overlord beast of a King! (|Sarcasm incoming->) But of course, that wasn’t a believable enough reason for wanting freedom, and they’d rather die than ask humans for help. (Sarcasm over|) The fact that Ophiuchus tricked them into giving up their lives “for the king” without the Zodiacs realizing is probably the worst plot twist I’ve ever read.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t necessarily mind “we did this all for nothing” or “we tried to help but ended leading them to their demise” premises. Having said that, not only was this one poorly executed, but it also removes any reason for the viewer to take the spirits’ concerns seriously. After all, they were just taking out their misunderstood fear on the humans. Their feelings were misplaced, therefore we no longer have to worry about them wanting to actually leave Lucy or choosing to die. Also, why did they hurt the silver keys? Were they just acting out? Were they working under the influence of the king? Or is the implication that it’s actually the king who hurt them? If it was the Zodiac spirits who hurt them, despite the fact that the silvers are also under threat of the beast- WHY???

*siiiiigh*

In short, just because filler arcs should be inconsequential to the canon story line, that doesn’t mean that they can’t have something meaningful to explore or add to the existing story. Instead, Fairy Tail anime decided to waste everyone’s time on half-baked battles, cheap (borderline offensive) gags, and a plot twist that ultimately implies: “if the spirits don’t belong to Lucy (and Yukino), then they don’t matter.” And then— The spirits don’t even remember being saaaaved. *slow clap* Veeeery funny, anime. What a clever clever this-was-all-for-nothing final jest.