#there’s stuff i want to do after the fan meeting but walking in 40 degree temps with my southern subtropical ass sounds miserable LOL

[akkivee]

wh-what’s this????? a bad ass temple prayer circle so i can take all three of them with me?????

lol i’m off!!!!

[ladydarklord]

The Mighty Boosh on the business of being silly

The Times, November 15 2008

What began as a cult cocktail of daft poems, surreal characters and fantastical storylines has turned into the comedy juggernaut that is the Mighty Boosh. Janice Turner hangs out with creators Noel Fielding, Julian Barratt and the extended Boosh family to discuss the serious business of being silly

In the thin drizzle of a Monday night in Sheffield, a crowd of young women are waiting for the Mighty Boosh or, more precisely, one half of it. Big-boned Yorkshire lasses, jacketless and unshivering despite the autumn nip, they look ready to devour the object of their desire, the fey, androgynous Noel Fielding, if he puts a lamé boot outside the stage door. “Ooh, I do love a man in eyeliner,” sighs Natalie from Rotherham. She’ll be throwing sickies at work to see the Boosh show 13 times on their tour, plus attend the Boosh after-show parties and Boosh book signings. “My life is dead dull without them,” she says.

Nearby, mobiles primed, a pair of sixth-formers trade favourite Boosh lines. “What is your name?” asks Jessica. “I go by many names, sir,” Victoria replies portentously. A prison warden called Davena survives long days with high-security villains intoning, “It’s an outrage!” in the gravelly voice of Boosh character Tony Harrison, a being whose head is a testicle.

Apart from Fielding, what they all love most about the Boosh is that half their mates don’t get it. They see a bloke in a gorilla suit, a shaman called Naboo, silly rhymes about soup, stories involving shipwrecked men seducing coconuts “and they’re like, ‘This is bloody rubbish,’” says Jessica. “So you feel special because you do get it. You’re part of a club.”

Except the Mighty Boosh club is now more like a movement. What began as an Edinburgh fringe show starring Fielding and his partner Julian Barratt and later became an obscure BBC3 series has grown into a box-set flogging, mega-merchandising, 80-date touring Boosh inc. There was a Boosh festival last summer, now talk of a Boosh movie and Boosh in America. An impasse seems to have been reached: either the Boosh will expand globally or, like other mass comedy cults before it – Vic and Bob, Newman and Baddiel – slowly begin to deflate.

But for the moment, the fans still wait in the rain for heroes who’ve already left the building. I find the Boosh gang gathered in their hotel bar, high on post-gig adrenalin. Barratt, blokishly handsome with his ring-master moustache, if a tad paunchy these days, blends in with the crew. But Fielding is never truly “off”. All day he has been channelling A Clockwork Orange in thick black eyeliner (now smudged into panda rings) and a bowler hat, which he wears with polka-dot leggings, gold boots and a long, neon-green fur-collared PVC trenchcoat. He has, as those women outside put it, “something about him”: a carefully-wrought rock-god danger mixed with an amiable sweetness. Sexy yet approachable. Which is why, perched on a barstool, is a great slab of security called Danny.

“He stops people getting in our faces,” says Fielding. “He does massive stars like P. Diddy and Madonna and he says that considering how we’re viewed in the media as a cult phenomenon, we get much more attention in the street than, say, Girls Aloud. Danny says we’re on the same level as Russell Brand, who can’t walk from the door to the car without ten people speaking to him.”

This barometer of fame appears to fascinate and thrill Fielding. Although he complains he can’t eat dinner with his girlfriend (Dee Plume from the band Robots in Disguise) unmolested, he parties hard and publicly with paparazzi-magnets like Courtney Love and Amy Winehouse. He claims he’s tried wearing a baseball cap but fans still recognise him. Hearing this, Julian Barratt smiles wryly: “Noel is never going to dress down.”

It is clear on meeting them that their Boosh characters Vince Noir (Fielding), the narcissistic extrovert, and Howard Moon (Barratt), the serious, socially awkward jazz obsessive, are comic exaggerations of their own personalities. At the afternoon photo shoot, Fielding breaks free of the hair and make-up lady, sprays most of a can of Elnett on to his Bolan feather-cut and teases it to his satisfaction. Very Vince. “It is an art-life crossover,” says Barratt.

At 40, five years older than Fielding, Barratt exhibits the profound weariness of a man trying to balance a five-month national tour with new-fatherhood. After every Saturday night show he returns home to his 18-month-old twins, Arthur and Walter, and his partner Julia Davis (the creator-star of Nighty Night) and today he was up at 5am pushing a pram on Hampstead Heath before taking the train north to rejoin the Boosh. “I go back so the boys remember who I am. But it’s harder to leave them every time,” he says. “It is totally schizophrenic, totally opposite mental states: all this self-obsession and then them.”

About two nights a week on tour, Fielding doesn’t go to bed, parties through the night and performs the next evening having not slept at all. Barratt often retreats to his room to plough through box sets of The Wire. “It’s a bit gritty, but that is in itself an escape, because what we do is so fantastical.”

But mostly it is hard to resist the instant party provided by a large cast, crew and band. Indeed, drinking with them, it appears Fielding and Barratt are but the most famous members of a close collective of artists, musicians and old mates. Fielding’s brother Michael, who previously worked in a bowling alley, plays Naboo the shaman. “He is late every single day,” complains Noel. “He’s mad and useless, but I’m quite protective of him, quite parental.” Michael is always arguing with Bollo the gorilla, aka Fielding’s best mate, Dave Brown, a graphic artist relieved to remove his costume – “It’s so hot in there I fear I may never father children” – to design the Boosh book. One of the lighting crew worked as male nanny to Barratt’s twins and was in Michael’s class at school: “The first time I met you,” he says to Noel, “you gave me a dead arm.” “You were 9,” Fielding replies. “And you were messing with my stuff.”

This gang aren’t hangers-on but the wellspring of the Boosh’s originality and its strange, homespun, degree-show aesthetic: a character called Mr Susan is made out of chamois leathers, the Hitcher has a giant Polo Mint for an eye. When they need a tour poster they ignore the promoter’s suggestions and call in their old mate, Nige.

Fielding and Barratt met ten years ago at a comedy night in a North London pub. The former had just left Croydon Art College, the latter had dropped out of an American Studies degree at Reading to try stand-up, although he was so terrified at his first gig that he ran off stage and had to be dragged back by the compere.

While superficially different, their childhoods have a common theme: both had artistic, bohemian parents who exercised benign neglect. Fielding’s folks were only 17 when he was born: “They were just kids really. Hippies. Though more into Black Sabbath and Led Zep. There were lots of parties and crazy times. They loved dressing up. And there was a big gap between me and my brother – about nine years – so I was an only child for a long time, hanging out with them, lots of weird stuff going on.

“The great thing about my mum and dad is they let me do anything I wanted as a kid as long as I wasn’t misbehaving. I could eat and go to bed when I liked. I used to spend a lot of time drawing and painting and reading. In my own world, I guess.”

Growing up in Mitcham, South London, his father was a postmaster, while his mother now works for the Home Office. Work was merely the means to fund a good time. “When your dad is into David Bowie, how do you rebel against that? You can’t really. They come to all the gigs. They’ve been in America for the past three weeks. I’m ringing my mum really excited because we’re hanging out with Jim Sheridan, who directed In the Name of the Father, and the Edge from U2, and she said, ‘We’re hanging with Jack White,’ whom they met through a friend of mine. Trumped again!”

Barratt’s father was a Leeds art teacher, his mother an artist later turned businesswoman. “Dad was a bit more strict and academic. Mum would let me do anything I wanted, didn’t mind whether I went to school.” Through his father he became obsessed with Monty Python, went to jazz and Spike Milligan gigs, learnt about sex from his dad’s leatherbound volumes of Penthouse.

Barratt joined bands and assumed he would become a musician (he does all the Boosh’s musical arrangements); Fielding hoped to become an artist (he designed the Boosh book cover and throughout our interview sketches obsessively). Instead they threw their talents into comedy. Barratt: “It is a great means of getting your ideas over instantly.” Fielding: “Yes, it is quite punk in that way.”

Their 1998 Edinburgh Fringe show called The Mighty Boosh was named, obscurely, after a friend’s description of Michael Fielding’s huge childhood Afro: “A mighty bush.” While their double-act banter has an old-fashioned dynamic, redolent of Morecambe and Wise, the show threw in weird characters and a fantasy storyline in which they played a pair of zookeepers. They are very serious about their influences. “Magritte, Rousseau...” says Fielding. “I like Rousseau’s made-up worlds: his jungle has all the things you’d want in a jungle, even though he’d never been in one so it was an imaginary place.”

Eclectic, weird and, crucially, unprepared to compromise their aesthetic sensibilities, it was 2004 before, championed by Steve Coogan’s Baby Cow production company, their first series aired on BBC3. Through repeats and DVD sales the second series, in which the pair have left the zoo and are living above Naboo’s shop, found a bigger audience. Last year the first episode of series three had one million viewers. But perhaps the Boosh’s true breakthrough into mainstream came in June when George Bush visited Belfast and a child presented him with a plant labelled “The Mighty Bush”. Assuming it was a tribute to his greatness, the president proudly displayed it for the cameras, while the rest of Britain tittered.

A Boosh audience these days is quite a mix. In Sheffield the front row is rammed with teenage indie girls, heavy on the eyeliner, who fancy Fielding. But there are children, too: my own sons can recite whole “crimps” (the Boosh’s silly, very English version of rap) word for word. And there are older, respectable types who, when I interview them, all apologise for having such boring jobs. They’re accountants, IT workers, human resources officers and civil servants. But probe deeper and you find ten years ago they excelled at art A level or played in a band, and now puzzle how their lives turned out so square. For them, the Boosh embody their former dreams. And their DIY comedy, shambolic air, the slightly crap costumes, the melding of fantasy with the everyday, feels like something they could still knock up at home.

Indeed, many fans come to gigs in costume. At the Mighty Boosh Festival 15,000 people came dressed up to watch bands and absurdity in a Kent field. And in Sheffield I meet a father-and-son combo dressed as Howard Moon and Bob Fossil – general manager of the zoo – plus a gang of thirty-something parents elaborately attired as Crack Fox, Spirit of Jazz, a granny called Nanageddon, and Amy Housemouse. “I love the Boosh because it’s total escapism,” says Laura Hargreaves, an employment manager dressed as an Electro Fairy. “It’s not all perfect and people these days worry too much that things aren’t perfect. It’s just pure fun.”

But how to retain that appealingly amateur art-school quality now that the Boosh is a mega comedy brand? Noel Fielding is adamant that they haven’t grown cynical, that The Mighty Book of Boosh was a long-term project, not a money-spinner chucked out for Christmas: “There is a lot of heart in what we do,” he says. Barratt adds: “It’s been hard this year to do everything we’ve wanted, to a standard we’re proud of... Which is why we’re worn to shreds.”

Comedy is most powerful in intimate spaces, but the Boosh show, with its huge set, requires major venues. “We’ve lost money every day on the tour,” says Fielding. “The crew and the props and what it costs to take them on the road – it’s ridiculous. Small gigs would lose millions of pounds.”

The live show is a kind of Mighty Boosh panto, with old favourites – Bob Fossil, Bollo, Tony Harrison, etc – coming on to cheers of recognition. But it lacks the escapism to the perfectly conceived world of the TV show. They have told the BBC they don’t want a fourth series: they want a movie. They would also, as with Little Britain USA, like a crack at the States, where they run on BBC America. Clearly the Boosh needs to keep evolving or it will die.

Already other artists are telling Fielding and Barratt to make their money now: “They say this is our time, which is quite frightening.” I recall Vic Reeves and Bob Mortimer, who dominated the Nineties with Big Night Out and Shooting Stars. “Yes, they were massive,” says Fielding. “A number one record...” And now Reeves presents Brainiac. “If you have longer-term goals, it’s not scary,” says Barratt. “To me, I’m heading somewhere else – to direct, make films, write stuff – and at the moment it’s all gone mental. I’m sort of enjoying this as an outsider. It was Noel who had this desire to reach more people.”

Indeed, the old cliché that comedy is the new rock’n’roll is closest to being realised in Noel Fielding. Watching him perform the thrash metal numbers in the Boosh live show, he is half ironic comic performer, half frustrated rock god. His heroes weren’t comics but androgynous musicians: Jagger, Bowie, Syd Barrett. (Although he liked Peter Cook’s style and looks.)

“I like clothes and make-up, I like the transformation,” he says. Does it puzzle him that women find this so sexually attractive? “I was reading a book the other day about the New York Dolls and David Johansen was saying that none of them were gay or even bisexual, and that when they started dressing in stilettos and leather pants, women got it straight away with no explanation. But a lot of men had problems. It’s one of those strange things. A man will go, ‘You f***ing queer.’ And you just think, ‘Well, your girlfriend fancies me.’”

The Boosh stopped signing autographs outside stage doors when it started taking two hours a night. At recent book signings up to 1,500 people have shown up, some sleeping overnight in the queue. And on this tour, the Boosh took control of the after-show parties, once run as money-spinners by the promoters, and now show up in person to do DJ slots. I ask if they like to meet their fans, and they laugh nervously.

Fielding: “We have to be behind a fence.”

Barratt: “They try to rip your clothes off your body.”

Fielding: “The other day my girlfriend gave me this ring. And, doing the rock numbers at the end, I held out my hands and the crowd just ripped it off.”

Barratt: “I see it as a thing which is going to go away. A moment when people are really excited about you. And it can’t last.”

He recalls a man in York grabbing him for a photo, saying, “I’d love to be you, it must be so amazing.” And Barratt says he thought, “Yes, it is. But all the while I was trying to duck into this doorway to avoid the next person.” He’s trying to enjoy the Boosh’s moment, knows it will pass, but all the same?

In the hotel bar, a young woman fan has dodged past Danny and comes brazenly over to Fielding. Head cocked attentively like a glossy bird, he chats, signs various items, submits to photos, speaks to her mate on her phone. The rest of the Boosh crew eye her steelily. They know how it will end. “You have five minutes then you go,” hisses one. “I feel really stupid now,” says the girl. It is hard not to squirm at the awful obeisance of fandom. But still she milks the encounter, demands Fielding come outside to meet her friend. When he demurs she is outraged, and Danny intercedes. Fielding returns to his seat slightly unsettled. “What more does she want?” he mutters, reaching for his wine glass. “A skin sample?”

[allie1804-fan]

Kerensa

Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5 , Chapter 6, Chapter 7, Chapter 8

Chapter 9

The Griefcast Record

Keanu got out of the taxi at Whistledown Studios and headed in. Cariad and the recoding team greeted him and they got set up with teas, biscuits and a box of tissues on the table

“God, it’s just like a therapist’s room!” he joked

“Best to be prepared! They might be for me anyhow” she laughed.

Before we start though, can I just spend a moment being a fangirl and just say how amazing it is for me to meet you. There are so many films of yours I love – and my kids adore Duke Caboom!”

“ahh yes, Canada’s Greatest Stuntman” he boomed - “that was a fun role”

“and so perfectly cast right?”

“Yeah yeah I guess. I’m glad they picked me from the roster of Canadians they had lined up!”

“Ok, so thanks for letting me just gush for a moment! Are you ready?”

“Ready as I’ll ever be!”

“First tell me the story of how we managed to get you as a guest.”

“Ok so right, so errm my friend Kerry is the link. I was filming in Cornwall this past year and uh, after we wrapped I was so charmed by the place that I decided to stay and rent a place for a couple of months down there. Kerry was my landlady and one day I came across her walking along the beach, tears streaming down her face and she was listening to your show which she highly recommended to me. I admit it took a bit of persuading to listen, given the crying thing!, but she told me it was more reassuring and uplifting than upsetting. Anyway, so sorry, this is turning into a shaggy dog tale!, so I did give it a go, really loved it

“Oh thank you”

“So then one day we were discussing an episode about baby loss, something we had in common and had talked about before and she said I should do the show. Now THAT took a lot more thought and persuasion, but she said it would do me good and there would be the angle of the man’s perspective and being someone with a public profile going through loss and you know yada, yada yada so here I am, finally!

“That’s amazing and thank you so much to Kerry for listening to the show and for your persuasive talents in getting this lovely man here today. So Keanu, as you know we always start with this question. Who are we remembering today?”

“Today we’re remembering my daughter Ava who was stillborn 23 years ago this year.”

“Ok so would you mind telling me a little bit about what happened.”

“So, ahh, it was in the spring of 1999. The Matrix had just come out and my life was pretty full on. My girlfriend Jennifer became pregnant around that time. It was unplanned and I’ll be honest, I wasn’t super happy about it at first, but she wanted to keep the baby and I said I’d support her, you know, and as time went on I was more excited than worried about becoming a dad.”

“And how was the pregnancy? How far along was Jennifer when Ava died?”

“Everything seemed fine, she, Ava was growing and developing normally. Jen was healthy. Then I was away filming, a god awful project as well! And, Um, ahh, give me a minute” Keanu cleared his throat and took a drink of water.

“I swore I wouldn’t do this” he said gesturing at himself tearing up, his voice cracking slightly “but sometimes, the memories can be, uhhh, very powerful, very vivid”

“Yes you can be taken right back like it just happened can’t you, however long ago - you know I’m 20 plus years out now and still very occasionally I can be catapulted back there. So, everything looked good but you were away, filming - and I’m sure it can’t have been an awful film”

Keanu snorted

“I assure you it was!, yes anyway, Jen went for a last check up at a little over 8 months and uh, there was no heartbeat. Ava had died and so I flew home and she had to, you know, give birth in a maternity unit, hearing all the other babies being born - I mean they have to do it there because you still might need, you know, that expertise and they tried to keep us private but those places they get busy and she had to go through all that with those sounds sometimes breaking through”

“Yes I hear that that is a common experience here in the UK too and one that SANDS, the still birth charity is trying to address. It’s interesting your choice of words: “she went through that”, presumably you were there so didn’t you go through it too?”

“Yeah, yeah - I guess, I just meant that it was worse, more traumatic mentally for her and obviously physically too”

“Sure sure, but awful for both of you nonetheless”

“Indeed, it was” Keanu paused a moment as though something important had just occurred to him “and she was beautiful too you know”

“awwwww” Cariad moaned sympathetically

“she was beautiful, perfect and warm, just silent, still”

Keanu looked up at Cariad, his eyes filled with tears once more and they both just sat for a moment, taking in the pain of his loss. Eventually, Cariad started the conversation again.

“And did you both hold her? Did the hospital staff help you, you know, to say goodbye to her?”

Yeah yeah, we did hold her. They left us be for a good amount of time, they took prints of her hands and feet and a photograph. You know they were supportive in that way, especially as we knew already, you know, that she had died, they were prepared. I don’t think we were, I mean I don’t think you can prepare for that, right? Your brain won’t let you, not really.”

“Yeah yeah, we talk about that a lot on the show, there are people who say it’s better when someone dies of an illness so you know it’s coming whereas with a sudden death you suffer more shock but I still think there’s a degree of shock you experience even when you have some warning.

“Yeah yeah and it’s so stupid, we’re all just so dumb because death is coming man, to us all but we just don’t want to think about it!” He chuckled

“So are you someone who thinks about death a lot?”

“Yeah yeah it’s always there in the back of my mind, spurring me on to do things, make that film, write that script, build that bike!”

“And do you think that’s because of losing Ava?”

“I don’t know, no not really, well maybe a little but that’s come more with getting older I think - I didn’t really have that reaction at the time”

“So what was your reaction, how did you grieve for Ava?”

Another chuckle came from Keanu.

“A more appropriate question might be how didn’t I grieve for her, at the time I mean!”

“Oh?”

“Hee hee you’re like a therapist, leaving the gaps for me to fill!”

“Some of my critics say I interrupt too much and start talking about me so…..”

“We’ll that’s not very nice is it? And also not true!”

“Thanks - Comes with the territory I guess, so please, go on, fill the gap”

“What was the question again?”

“It was about how you did or didn’t grieve for Ava after her birth?”

“Mmmm well we buried her, in the new year, she was born on Christmas Eve, which is uhhh, another tricky thing about it”

“Oh that’s awful, death on high days and holidays just adds another layer right?”

“Yeah yeah. They do - so um after that I went to Georgia to shoot a movie!”

“So you threw yourself into work then?”

“Yup, my trusty friend in times of crisis. In fact I did, let me see, 1, 2, 3, yes 3 movies in the next year and then started training for the Matrix 2 and 3 so I guess the answer is I put my feelings in a tightly locked metaphorical box and didn’t open it for quite some time!”

“And was there intrusion from the press , I guess this is pre the days of the internet being so developed and social media but how was that side of it?”

“Yeah there was some, you know photographers with long lenses at the cemetery”

“God! I can’t imagine”

“Yeah pretty low, right but in a way because of the taboo of stillbirth, people, you know interviewers and stuff, didn’t ask me about it. I mean I would sometimes say “no personal questions” but at other times that hasn’t stopped people.”

“Oh like what?”

“I’m thinking of when River, River Phoenix died, even if I said I wouldn’t answer anything personal they would still ask how I felt, did I miss him. I mean, fuck! Oh sorry I can swear right?”

“Swear away, sure, and god, fuck yeah, that deserved it. I mean obviously that’s a bit of a contradiction coming from me given we’re here and I’m making you talk about private things but”

“But I agreed, that’s the deal here, it’s not the deal to segue from “how was it jumping onto a moving bus to “how do you feel about your best friend dying!”

“Absolutely. So you said you dealt with it, but much later? What about Jennifer, how did she cope?”

“Umm, I don’t know - I mean what’s normal in that situation? She cried, she wailed like a wounded animal. Her mum moved in. I was away and not there to support her like I should have been. We weren’t really a couple either by then. We were going to co-parent but not as a romantic couple you know so it was complicated. To be honest I think a little bit of her died right then - and then she died herself the following April so you know, what you see before you is the last man standing of that family unit that might have been.”

“Woo that’s tough. You’ve really been through the mill as it were.”

“Yeah, yeah but you know I AM still standing. I’m lucky.”

“And how did Jennifer die?”

“Car wreck”

“I’m so sorry”

“Thanks, me too”

“So how is that, being the only one left? Some people talk about losing key people as losing their witness.”

“Yes! That’s it, exactly. Now it’s just me here to remember Ava, to remember her coming in and out of this world”

Yeah yeah that’s hard. So you said you dealt with it later? How did that come about?”

“Midlife crisis I guess - when I turned 40, I had a bit of a meltdown, you know, wondering about my goals, what I had or hadn’t achieved. I basically “ran away” alone to Paris on my 40th birthday, to escape any awful surprise party! And you know, I quietly fell apart in a vat of wine! When I went home my friend Janey was just like “Keanu, it’s time, time for therapy!”

“Ahhh it’s great isn’t it, big fans of that on the show!”

“Yeah I guess, I mean, ahhh I wasn’t that comfortable taking the lid off but yeah it did me a favour and helped sort my shit out. And a lot of the guilt and pain of losing Ava was gone through belatedly during that process”

“And why did you feel guilty?”

“Mmmm well I think I started to think I was a curse - my sister had been sick with leukemia, Ava had died, Jen had died, River, others as well and I felt guilty for that stupid film I was working on when it happened! So yeah, there were lots of rocks to lift up, inspect what lay beneath and deal with my emotions.”

“Well you seem like you have your shit sorted now”

“I’m a work in progress!”

“So now you’re, 23 years on, how do you remember Ava and Jen now.”

“Well it’s hard to forget the day for Ava what with it being Christmas Eve. I sometimes visit their graves - after dark if I can to avoid being hounded”

“What has the world come to when a person can’t be left in peace to visit a loved one’s resting place”

“Yeah it’s fucked up right?”

“Precisely.”

“And what else? , well I do have one little thing that my friend Alex who’s an artist, made for me. It was because of something she said she did to remember her lost loved ones. She would get a Christmas ornament that in some way represented the person and hang it on her tree at Christmas. So she made this beautiful little stained glass bird to hang up on my tree or in the house if I don’t have a tree which sometimes happens. So, uh, Ava’s name in Latin would mean bird or bird like so that’s why she did that, yes so I always think of her then and you know I would think about where she would be at a given point like when my friends kids have started school again after summer break I would think “oh Ava would be starting you know kindergarten or elementary school etc.”

“And do your family share in that?”

“Yeah, yeah - especially my mom. She has no grandchildren so yeah she remembers and we’ll have a moment sometimes yeah but it can be lonely, not having the other parent there who shares the same loss.”

“Yes I’m sure it is. Grief can be very lonely sometimes. Well, Keanu I really can’t thank you enough for coming on my little podcast and sharing your experience of baby loss and loss in the public spotlight with us today. Thank you so much for telling us about your beautiful baby girl Ava and her mum Jen.”

“Thanks for having me - I know this might sound weird, but it’s been a pleasure talking with you and remembering them today so, thank you and thanks to Kerry who suggested it. She said it would be good for my soul and she, as always, was right!”

@fortheloveoffanfic @omg-imagine @iworshipkeanureeves @toomanystoriessolittletime @ladyreapermc @paperplanesandwallflowers @patric9

[starchildsteven]

My Steven Universe buds, guess who used concrete, as is, stated in the canon of the show, information to figure out what year Steven was born?

...by which I mean the 2 most reasonable possibilities. (Which also means I figured out when Connie was born... or again the 2 most reasonable possibilities.)

Tl;dr: It’s 1999 or 2000.

Get comfortable... It’s a lot.

So first off Channel Frederator's timeline is close, if not right on the money, based on my own calculations. With that said I am going to lay out why I agree that Steven was born in 2000.

To get Steven's birth year though we actually have to center the timeline around Greg with key information regarding Sour Cream, Buck Dewey and the Dondai.

As stated in "Steven's Birthday" by Greg himself he was 22 when he met Rose and the Gems. He had playing music gigs and was recording his album for about 2-4 years before this since he also said he dropped out of community college to pursue a music career and moved out of his home around this time. Assuming that Greg was, like most people, 18 when he graduated and community college is 2 years that means he left home between 18 and 20. 

In "Gem Harvest" Greg says to Andy he left home “like 2 decades ago.” Let’s not split hairs and just say he left 20 years ago to make the math easier that puts Greg anywhere from 38 to 40. We can confirm the youngest possible age Greg could be when Steven was born (which is ridiculous but possible) would be 23 making Greg 37 which means he left home 19 years ago at most because again we know that he left home when he was at least 18. However that is NOT actually possible. Because Greg remember was 22 when he met the Gems and Sour Cream, who we know is significantly older than Steven, was born when Greg was around 23. Which means we need to add however many years older Sour Cream is than Steven to Greg’s age.

This is where Buck Dewey comes into play.

As stated in "Little Graduation" Buck is going to med school to become a doctor. This means he needs to have his bachelor's degree in Pre-med which takes 4 years to complete. Steven is 16 meaning the Cool Kids, Sour Cream included, are 22 for Buck to have completed 4 years of college after finishing high school since once again most teenagers graduate at 18. Sour Cream had to be 6 when Steven was born (5 if you want to say maybe they graduated at 17 and are 21). That adds 5 or 6 years to Greg’s 23 making him 28 or 29.

That means when Steven was 14, Greg was 42 or 43 when he told Andy he left like 2 decades ago. In this case the word like is being used to indicate estimation not an exact amount. Example: If I say I left work like 20 minutes ago I could mean any number close to 20. 18, 21, etc.) If he left at 18 it would be 24 or 25 years ago, if he left at 19 it would be 23 or 24 years ago, if he left at 20 it would be 22 or 23 years ago. While some of those are a stretch, 22 and 23 are both close enough to warrant being estimated to 2 decades ago.

I know what you are all thinking “Oh my God, StarChildSteven, why did you put so much thought into this? How many hours did you waste?” (The answer to that is... embarrassing.) But the other thing you are thinking is “How does Greg’s age get us to the year Steven was born.

This is where the Dondai comes in!

Ronaldo in the episode “Beach City Drift” calls it a '96 Supremo and cars are branded either after the year they are made or the following year. So the Dondai was first on sale and new in 1995 or 1996. We can infer through the evidence in the show, Greg was older than 18 but younger than 23 when the picture of him with the Dondai was taken. Greg's character design in the photo he shows to Connie and Steven is the same he has in “Story for Steven” before switching to plain shirts and stopped wearing his star shirt at the end of "Greg the babysitter" when he he starts working at the car wash. Again we can infer he doesn’t switch back to the star shirt after this as the implication is Greg somewhat gave up on his music career. At this time we already figured out he was 23. So the picture was taken when Greg was 23 or younger. Meaning the earliest it could be in “Greg the Babysitter” is 1995. Sour Cream is about a year old in this episode based on his limited speech and motor skills (he can’t walk or form words yet but can climb well) which means it is 4 or 5 years before Steven was born.

This makes our complete timeline: Greg meets the Gems at 22, Sour Cream is born when he is 23 in the year 1995, 4 or 5 years later Rose has Steven making Greg 28 or 29 and the year is either 1999 or 2000. Considering the show first aired in 2013 and Steven was 13 we can reasonably assume it is meant to be the current year within the show. That means the year Steven was most likely born is the year 2000!

*This next section is about Connie*

Now by extension this means we can also figure out when Connie was born based on her age relevant to Steven’s age as mentioned in “Steven’s Birthday.” In that episode Steven turn 14 to which Connie replies “I’m only 12 and 3/4!” Meaning Connie will be 13 in 3 months. (12 months in a year. 3/4 of 12 months is 9 months making Connie 12 years and 9 months. So in 3 months she will turn another year old.) A year after Steven’s birthday he would be 1 and the year would be either 2000 or 2001, 3 month later in November (because 3 months after August, Steven’s birth month, is November) Connie would be born in that same year. So Connie would be born in 2000 or 2001. Though as Steven as most likely born in 2000, Connie was most likely born in 2001.

As far as the SU x GF crossover: Dipper and Mabel turned 13 in 2012 the same year Steven turned either 12 or 13 meaning the twins they are anywhere from 16 days older than Steven to a year older and 16 days older than Steven. Just in case anyone was interested. I’m certainly not saying that the fans who like the crossover have to change their headcanons.

Preemptive rebuttals:

“But Steven doesn’t age like a normal human.” He doesn’t however Greg has obviously been keeping track of Steven’s age based on the passage of time not his son’s physical age or appearance. Steven didn’t look 13 yet he and Greg still celebrated his 13th birthday. It doesn’t matter if Steven doesn’t physically age, he could still be a baby but he would still have been alive for 13 years.

“We don’t know how old Greg was when he took the picture with the Dondai? For all we know he was 26!” While that IS possible it doesn’t line up with the design he has when he and Rose record the video for Steven or his design in “Three Gems and A Baby.” Remember Steven has to be born at least 5 years after Sour Cream who was conceived when Greg was 22. So at Steven’s birth Greg has to be at least 28. He has lost a significant amount of hair. While I will concede it’s possible he lost that much hair in a year it’s not likely. Greg is also wearing the star shirt in the photo with the car. He presumably stopped wearing the star shirt at 23 at the end of “Greg the Babysitter” as we see him no longer wearing it at the end of the episode when he now wears the car wash shirt and every design of him after that has him in either plain white or black shirts.

“Why do you care what year people think Steven is born? Can’t you let people have their headcanons?” Where did I say you have to take my word for this and couldn’t headcanon Steven born in a different year? Please point to the place where I said everyone must now take it as canon that Steven was born in either of the years I mentioned. Show me where I said this information negates all the opinions of other fans. Tell me where I even implied that people absolutely had to conform the conclusion I came to. If you can’t then shut up.

“Why would you waste so much time on this? It’s not that deep.” Because I enjoy doing stuff like this. I had fun doing this. This was an activity that brought me joy. Analyzing, theorizing and compiling fandom data is something that I like doing. It’s something I enjoy taking part in and sometimes I get excited to share the results of all my hard work with other people who might be interested or care. 

“What if the Crewniverse gives us a different year eventually?” Then I’m still taking this as canon. The same way I take Steven as 18 at the end of the series as canon because I always prefer in canon evidence over Word of God. To me Word of God only matters for things we can’t figure out by watching the show. One day when everyone who worked on the show is dead there will be no more Word of God, all that will be left is the text (in this case the show) so anything not in the show will become irrelevant. I chose to implement that even when creators are still alive. Obviously I will no longer claim it as definitive canon (though I am not doing that now) but I will accept it as an alternative interpretation so long as nothing in the text contradicts it. Word of God is not text.

[tempestuous-cosplay]

just cuz

Ask me these probing NSFW questions ‘cuz I’m bored

SEXYTIMES EXPERIENCES

1. How many people have you had sex with?

13? somewhere around there.

2. Can you remember the names of everyone you’ve slept with?

if I try hard enough, yeah, but off the cuff, no

3. With whom did you first do the sexytimes? Was it good?

My first Bf, and hahahaha no. Not at all.

4. What’s the best sex you’ve ever had?

a close friend and i took MDMA and fucked for, like, 4 hours and it was lovely.

5. What’s the worst sex you’ve ever had?

this guy i banged in collage who was just bony, small, boring, and ignored me after.

6. Where’s the most unusual place you’ve had sex?

In a tent? Or the time in a church.

7. Where’s the most unusual place you’ve masturbated?

I don't have any fun or interesting stories about that.

8. Have you ever been caught doing the sexytimes?

NOPE

9. If you masturbate, when did you start, and how?

around middle school or early highschool but it was very rare bc i didn't get much from it. But the first time I actually orgasmed was when I hit 22 and got on T. then jacking it became a regular thing.

10. Have you ever been caught masturbating?

My dad walked in right before I was about to get started. that was the worst.

QUEER SHIT

11. How would you describe your sexuality using only adjectives (describing words–busy, fluffy, squishy, etc.)?

weird and complicated but friendly

12. Have you ever been in a queer relationship?

a solid 95% of my relationships have been queer. Only 1 wasn't.

13. Have you ever been in a straight relationship?

Just one. Gross

14. How and when did you realise you weren’t straight?

the moment i knew it was something that was possible. so very early.

15. Are you out to everyone you know?

p much

16. Where do you meet queer folks to date? Do you find it difficult?

I don't really date. But I made my friends through cosplay and then by meeting their friends and it just keeps going.

17. If your parents know about your sexuality, how did they react?

They always knew. I never really "Came out". I have p chill parents

18. Does your best friend know about your sexuality? How did they react?

Duh. I've slept with a number of them.

19. Describe your first queer kiss.

Much better than my first straight kiss.

20. What’s the queerest shit you’ve ever done?

My queer platonic partner :3

LET’S GET PHYSICAL

21. Are you happy with your body?

happier than i was and on my way to making it exactly how I want. Tho i do wish I was taller.

22. What’s the raddest part of your bod, and why?

my eyes are very pretty

23. What do you do with your body hair (pubes, underarms, legs, etc.)?

I don't do jack shit. Im lazy

24. Do you have stretch marks? Where?

Some where my tits used to be, inner thighs, and my love handles.

25. Describe your nipples in too much detail.

theyre kinda lopsided bc of how they were reattached during top surgery. the right one is super sensitive to touch and its kinda painful bc NERVE DAMAGE and the left one is totally numb

26. (Vagina-owners) Do you have an “innie” (small, tucked-in inner labia), or an “outie” (more visible/larger inner labia)?

supper innie. I, like, don't have an inner labia at all. Its WEIRD

27. (Vagina-owners) Is it very obvious when you’re turned on (swelling, wetness etc.)?

Yeah bc my clit is HUGE now thanks to T. It gets HARD

28. (Penis-owners) Describe the size and shape of your penis. Are you happy with it?

its, like, an inch an a half long and really small :3. I like it

29. (Penis-owners) Have you tasted your own cum? Did you like it?

Yeah, its kinda tart

30. (Breast-owners) How does the size of your breasts compare? Is one bigger than the other?

Back when I had them, the left one was a lil bigger than the right one, but i had huge badonkers. Just MASSIVE. They were nearly perfect, but they were on me, so it was horrible.

SEXUAL FANTASY LAND

31. Describe your most unusual/taboo fantasy.

consensual non-consent in fiction. I don;t think i could do it IRL.

32. Do you fantasise more about real situations, or imaginary/impossible ones?

It fluxuates, but mostly its very fantasy.

33. Who’s the oddest person you’ve fantasised about?

The Devil from The Arcana

34. Do you ever find yourself fantasising absent-mindedly, or is it something you do on purpose?

it fluxtuates, but horny daydreams are common

35. Do you always fantasise while you masturbate?

sometimes, yeah

36. When you fantasise, does it usually lead to masturbation?

it actually doesn't more than it does.

37. Have you ever had sex with someone while fantasising about someone else?

nah

38. Do you have any celebrity crushes that you fantasise about?

Hozier has had more than one sex dream in my head.

39. Have you ever fantasised about something by accident, and felt weird about it after?

oh sure. thats p normal.

40. Describe your most sexy fantasy.

hah, no. THats too much to type.

KINKTOWN USA

41. How do you feel about BDSM?

im fine with it

42. What’s your most unusual kink?

probably being a living sex doll

43. In an SM context, do you prefer giving pain, or receiving it?

Im not the biggest fan of either but I would rather receiving bc im too scared of accidentally really hurting someone

44. Do you consider yourself to be dominant, submissive, both, or neither?

Im a sub leaning switch.

45. Describe your most recent bondage experience.

got tied up in cosplay for a photoshoot.

46. In a BDSM context, have you ever referred to anyone as “daddy,” “mommy,” or any similar term?

nope but i've been called daddy

47. Do you have a kink for any bodily fluids (pee, saliva, blood, tears, cum, etc.)?

cum, blood, and spit to a small degree.

48. Have you ever revealed a kink to someone and had them react negatively?

not yet tbh.

49. Do you have any kinks that you’re ashamed of?

nah, not really

50. How much money have you spent on equipment for your kinks (toys, whips, chains, etc.)?

OOF!!! A good several hundred dollars. Like...... its a fairly high number.

COME FOR THE QUESTIONS, STAY FOR THE SUBHEADINGS

51. (Vagina-owners) Do you ever squirt when you come?

I have a few times!!

52. Have you ever come solely from penetration (anal or vaginal)?

no, that I haven't managed.

53. Can you have an orgasm without your genitals being touched?

HAH I WISH but no

54. Describe how you like your genitals to be touched.

Nice slow strokes on my clit like a dick with some gentle rubbing on the lips.

55. How sensitive are your nipples? Does nipple play turn you on?

One is numb and one is very painful. So no.

56. Do you find it easier to orgasm with another person, or through masturbation?

Jacking it. I almost never cum with a partner. Sex is more for bonding than personal pleasure tbh.

57. Have you ever had an orgasm that you weren’t expecting?

A few times, yeah!!

58. Do you get off easier from rough contact, or gentle?

rough ish??

59. What’s the best orgasm you’ve ever had?

the few times ive squirted.

60. Did it take you a while to have your first orgasm, or were you an early starter?

took until i was 22

ORAL FIXATION

61. Do you enjoy giving oral sex? Why?

YES!! Its a good mouth feel.

62. What’s your favourite position in which to receive oral?

not sure yet.

63. Describe your oral sex technique.

suck and wiggle. suck and wiggle

64. Do you find it easier to give oral to someone with the same genital configuration as you (eg., you both own vaginas/both own penises), or different?

theyre about the same amount of effort for me.

65. Describe the worst oral sex you’ve ever received.

too much teeth.

66. Describe the best oral sex you’ve ever received.

I was..... on some drug or another, can't remember what, and bro, i mELTED

67. Do you ever simulate oral sex while masturbating (sucking on dildos etc.)?

rarely but sometimes

68. How sensitive is your mouth? Is it an erogenous zone, for you?

not much? but its fine

69. Do you like 69ing?

never tried, not super interested

70. Can you deep-throat?

anything smaller than 6" yeah.

EVERYTHING BUTT

71. Do you like it in the butt?

yeah but it takes a lot for me to be willing to do it.

72. What’s the strangest object you’ve had in your butt?

a phallic shaped kite handle (I was young and stupid)

73. Do you enjoy being rimmed?

sure

74. Can you take a lot in your butt, or just a little?

just a lil

75. Describe your most recent experience with buttsex.

I was, again, on drugs a little under a year ago and let my best friend pop that particular cherry.

76. Do you like doing stuff to other people’s butts?

im indifferent leaning on rather not.

77. (Prostate-owners) Have you ever received a prostate massage?

nope

78. Do you own any buttplugs?

nope

79. Have you ever had an embarrassing buttsex experience?

not yet, hopefully never

80. Have you ever pegged someone (ie., worn a strapon and fucked them in the butt)?

not yet

SHARING IS CARING

All questions assume you’ve done group sex of some kind

81. Describe your most recent group sex experience.

got one coming up in about a week? but an orgy at a furry convention.

82. Have you ever had sex with more than two people at once (eg., foursome, moresome)?

sure have

83. Have you ever had an orgy? Would you?

yup, and YUP!!!

84. Do you enjoy watching your partner(s) having sex with others?

ehehehe yeh

85. Do you prefer to arrange group sex beforehand, or allow it to happen organically?

both are fine!

86. Have you ever felt left out during group sex?

nah, im too sexy for that

87. Have you ever done a gangbang (ie., lots of people have sex with one person, but not each other)?

not yet but i WANNA

88. Have you ever teamed up with someone and given a double blowjob/double cunnilingus?

not yet :O,,,, WAIT!!! YEAH I HAVE!!!!

89. Have you ever been penetrated by more than one person at the same time?

not yet but god I wanna

90. Have you ever been ejaculated on by more than one person at the same time?

not yet

**BONUS DARES**

100. Send me $500.

[fallin-flcwer]

JIWON’S TRUTH BOOTH

GENERAL QUESTIONS

1. Please state your full name: “Moon Ji Won” 2. Does your name(s) have any kind of meaning? If so, what is it? “My name has numerous meanings. “Ji” can either mean ‘wise’ or ‘ambitious’ and “Won” can either mean ‘beautiful woman, as well as ‘first’. My parents never really decided what it meant, but I just take it as “ambitious and beautiful woman.””  3. Do you have any nicknames? “Nope” 4. Where were you born? And in which country? “Seoul, South Korea” 5. What is your date of birth? “I was born on June the 22nd, 1998″  6. Of course, the following question; what is your Zodiac sign? “My star sign is Cancer, I believe.” 7. Do you believe in Zodiac signs? “Not completely, but I still find them interesting to read about sometimes.” 8. Where do you live? “I’ve got a house Lilac Wells, I’m staying in while I’m here. I’ve also got a house in Seoul, as well as in Tokyo but I don’t visit that one often since I’m usually busy in the first two.” 9. What is your home situation like? (ex. do you live with your family? Your partner etc.?) “I live on my own.” 10. Do you have any siblings? “I’m an only child.” 11. Do you have any kind of allergies? “None that I know of” 12. Do you own any pets? If so, what kind of pets are they? “Yes! I’ve got a miniature poodle called Bambi and a bombay cat called Byeol” 13. Why did you apply to St Jude’s? “Honestly I just did it for fun. It wasn’t until I got accepted that I realised how big of an opportunity it was.” 14. Did you had to go through a lot audition rounds? “Not really. I had already debut by the time auditions came. Personally, I think I could’ve done a lot better for my debut, but it still got me by.” 15. What is the current course you’re following? If you can switch courses, which one would you switch to and why? “I am currently doing music and dance. I think acting and fashion would be fun” 17. What is your proudest project you’ve done? “Gotta Go! I think some people my argue that Snapping was the better comeback, but I still see it as a sequel to Gotta Go. It definitely the comeback that started steering my career to where it is now.” 18. What is the proudest project that someone’s else has done? “Singular Act I! I think, especially since Everleigh and I were both opening acts for Ruby, I’ve seen her grow so much as an artist.” 19. Do you like FanCons? “Yes!” 20. What do you like about FanCons? “I like being able to meet fans.” 21. What don’t you like about FanCons? “I don’t really have anything bad to say about them.” 22. A fan memory that always stuck with you? Can be positive or negative. "While I was doing a fansign one fan walked towards me, got on her knees and bowed down. It happened so quickly and caught me completely off guard.” 23. Your favorite event so far? “I love anything halloween, to be honest.” 24. What kind of event would you like to see in the future? “Something in Korea, maybe? We’ve got quite a few K-Pop artists here now so it’d be nice to do something there.” 25. Would you recommend St Jude’s to friends, family. etc? “Yes.”

PERSONALITY QUESTIONS

26. What are your positive traits? “I am very ambitious, approachable, and detail-oriented” 27. What are you negative traits? “Sometimes I don’t know when to rest and I kinda set myself into overdrive until I’m satisfied with everything” 28. What would other people describe you as? “Hard-working, always busy and resourceful” 29. What are your pet peeves? “Does constant, loud yawners count?” 30. What makes you happy? “Seeing a project I’ve been working hard on finished.” 31. What makes you upset? “Seeing people not take me seriously because I’m a woman. It doesn’t get to me as much as it used to, but it’s still gets disheartening from time to time.” 32. What is something you love? “My parents, Byeol and Bambi, and my work.” 33. What is something you dislike? “Having my idol and hotel life interfering with each other. I’ve done a pretty good job keeping them separate, but there have been times where they’ve coincided and it got too overbearing.” 34. What are you strengths? “Singing, Dancing, Working” 35. What are you weaknesses? “I can be overly critical of myself when things don’t go to plan.” 36. A misconception people often think of you? “That everything came easy for me. Yes, I’m privileged, but that doesn’t mean that I didn’t work. In fact, it really meant that people expected more from me. I graduated high school and got my degree early, but I worked myself to the bone making sure I was on top of everything. I chose to become an idol as well as working in the hotels, and people gave me hate for it. That’s died down a bit, but still... Both jobs consist of me having to satisfy people, so I have an ongoing cycle of writing reports, writing songs, recording, choreographing, performing, promoting, the list goes on forever and it’s rare that I ever catch time to set aside for myself.” 37. Do you have any fears? “Mice and rats. I’m fine with mice that are kept as pets and stuff, but if I ever found out that there’s a mouse or a rat living in my house. I just might move out.” 38. What scares you the most? “Not being able to live up to people’s expectations of me as the next CEO of the family business.” 39. What do you do to entertain yourself? “I don’t have time to entertain myself, unless choreographing counts, but it’s still work.” 40. What is your MBTI? “I believe I am ESFJ-A” 41. How do you deal with stress? “I think I handle stress relatively well. I kinda just work through it.” 42. Are you a determined person? Are you a stubborn person? “I’m definitely a determined person” 43. Do you consider yourself selfish? “I think sometimes I can be, but after a bit I scold myself for being selfish.”  44. Would you like to be different? “Nah” 45. Are you more introverted (focused on your inner world) or more extraverted (focused on other people and the outer world)? “I’m definitely more extroverted”

ROMANCE QUESTIONS

46. What is your sexual orientation? “I’m heterosexual”  47. Current relationship status? “Single” 48. When was your first kiss? “I think I was about 17″ 49. Do you remember your first date? If so, with who was it? What did you do? “My first date was set up by my parents. It was with a one of their acquaintance’s sons in Tokyo and he showed me around the city.” 50. Have you ever experienced heart-break? “Yes” 51. Have you ever been in love? (If yes, skip to question 53) “Yes” 53. How do you know when you’re in love? "I think it’s when I realise I want to spend time with them outside of work, and I catch myself trying to make time for them despite always being busy.” 54. What would be your ideal date? “A day out exploring. I’m more of a city person, so that’s my preference, but I’m open to anywhere” 55. What is your perspective on marriage? “I’d love to get married one day, but I don’t think I’ve ever have the time for it at this rate. Maybe if I ever quit becoming an idol I will.” 56. (only for non-virgins) Are you a sub, dom or switch? “Pass” 57. What do you think of relationships? “They’re best when both parties are putting equal amounts of effort into it.”  58. What do you think of one-night stands? “I don’t really have an opinion on them. I’m not gonna lie, I’ve experienced one or two before when I was younger, but it’s not something I plan on doing again.”  59. Are you still a virgin? “No”  60. Most attractive trait in a different person? “A nice personality” 61. What matters most to you when it comes to a relationship? “Honesty and loyalty. I’m also an incredibly busy person, so I hope that they can be a bit patient with me too.” 62. Are you comfortable with PDA? Or would you be comfortable with PDA? “I think so? I’m relatively private when it comes to relationships but I think once I have the confidence to go public I’d be fine with PDA.” 63. Are you more of a type to be asked out or the type to ask the other out? “I’d rather be asked out.” 64. How do you express love to the other? “I change my schedule up to make time for them.” 65. Who is your celebrity crush? “Sung Hoon”

GETTING DEEP QUESTIONS

66. Do you regret anything? “Yes” 67. Is there something you would like to re-do? So, start all over again? “Pass” 68. What is something you would never share with anyone?  “As rewarding as my life is, it can get draining.” 69. When was the last time you cried? Why did you cry? “I definitely had a mental breakdown sometime between after Boxing Day and New Years. I got into a little argument with one of my Dad’s competitors during an event in Seoul and I had a little breakdown when I got home.” 70. Most memorable event that happened in your time in St Judes? This could be anything: “Winning Female Artist of the Year at Spotlight. Since there were so many artists nominated that had a big impact on St. Judes I was 100% certain that I wasn’t going to get it.”  71. One thing you wish you could do all over? “High school. To be honest, I didn’t really make many friends growing up, since I was so determined to rush through my studies.” 72. Someone you miss? “My mother.” 73. Something you wish you could forget? “My past relationship”  74. Who has the biggest impact on you? “My parents” 75. What is your perspective on love? Is it beautiful? Does it scare you? “Love can be risky, but if you play your cards right it can be rewarding.” 76. What has hurt you in the past that you don’t want others to go through? “Pass” 77. What is something you have gained, something you have lost and something you let go of during the past year? “I think I’ve gained a lot of direction as to where I want to go as an Idol in the past year. I haven’t necessarily lost anything, but I’ve let go of a lot of the negativity people usually give me when it come to my role in the family business.” 78. Have you ever lost a friend? do you wish you would still be friends? “I’ve definitely neglected some friendships because of my workload. If I got the chance I’d love to reconnect with them.” 79. Do you have any triggers? What is the history behind these triggers and are they related to any disorders or mental illnesses? “Nope”  80. If you could meet your 16 year old self, what would tell them? “Keep pushing through the same way you do, but don’t be afraid to relax whenever you need to.”

RANDOM QUESTION ROUND

81. Summer or Winter? “Winter” 82. Cats or dogs? “Dogs” 83. Beach or mountains? “Mountains” 84. Phone calls or texting? “Phone calls" 85. Have you ever skipped class? “No”

[hexusproductions]

Pleonexia - 50 Questions

Answering a list of 50 character questions in-character. The original list can be found here.

1. Are you a morning person or more of a night owl?

“I am more of a morning person. I’ve never been able to stay up late, and my morning routine is allegedly time-consuming.”

2. What’s the first thing you notice about a person when you meet them?

“…The mouth. Registering their expression, I suppose.”

3. You see a huge spider in your room. What do you do?

“Throw it outside, if I can. If it gets too close, I may squish it as I try to move away.”

4. If you could go back and change one decision you made in the past, what would you change?

“Nothing. I have never regretted my decisions. …I suppose I would contact my parents sooner than I did. I left them without a daughter for a long time.”

5. Tell me about your first kiss.

“My first kiss? How quaint. I’ve yet to have mine.”

6. Do you give people second chances?

“Rarely. If you wish for my forgiveness, then beg for it.”

7. Are you a cat person or a dog person?

“I’m partial towards cats. It may seem ironic, considering I am a fan of birds first and foremost, but for some reason I lean away from dogs.”

8. Do you think you’re attractive?

“I believe that I am a pretty thing, and I’ve had people both confirm and deny that idea. Keeping my view of myself at slightly above average can’t hurt anyone.”

9. What’s your worst habit?

“Hm. Worst habit…ah. I like to take things that have no value beyond my wanting them at the time. It causes quite the clutter.”

10. When was the last time you cried?

“A very long time ago. Crow was the only one to see it. This was close to when I ‘quit’ my last job.”

11. Are you a good liar?

“I don’t believe so, but in my experience, people will believe anything if they believe it will save their lives, or what’s precious to them. Choosing to believe what I say in those moments is their own fault.”

12. What’s your biggest pet peeve?

“Those who act as if they are superior merely for existing. And people who lick containers.”

13. Have you ever had your heart broken?

“Not because of anyone who deserved as much. It isn’t my place to discuss it.”

14. Are you more likely to use your fists or your words in an argument?

“Words. In an argument I want my point to come across clear and calmly.”

15. What’s something you’re naturally good at?

“My voice has always been sweet, but I did still have to work to improve it.”

16. What’s something you had to work hard to be good at?

“Quite a few things. Singing, appraisal, stealing. Even my magic took quite a lot of trial and error.”

17. Can you tell when someone is flirting with you?

“I don’t pick up on it well. Usually it gets to the point of being quite obvious by the time I realise.”

18. Do you think money can buy happiness?

“Of course it can. It can buy what makes you happy.”

19. Do you believe in destiny?

“People certainly have things they are ‘meant’ to be, things they are likely to become. It’s up to the individual to prove them wrong or right.”

20. Are you a good cook?

“I am an adequate cook. It won’t win any awards, but it is edible. I’m rarely the one to cook meals, and I would rather have someone helping me.”

21. What do you think happens after you die?

“I surely do not know. I’ve never thought about it in depth. The idea of reincarnation is certainly nice, although I am sure the world would be overrun with tapeworms and parasites in no time at all.”

22. Did you have to grow up fast?

“Yes. I was patted and pricked and marked as soon as I was seen. Making others comfortable with my appearance was the first thing I used magic for.”

23. Who do you look up to?

“My mother and father. He taught me to pursue my interests, and I hope to treat a child with the same care and understanding as she has one day.”

24. When you go to a tavern, what do you order?

“Water. I don’t drink.”

25. What do you like most about yourself?

“I’m proud of who I have become. I accept who I am and give myself everything I deserve.”

26. What do you like least about yourself?

“…I move on quickly once I have what I want. It makes the satisfaction feel shallow.”

27. Do you want kids someday?

“Eventually, yes. I don’t know if I’m suited for it yet, but someday I hope to be a mother.”

28. Are you a planner, or more spontaneous?

“It’s better to be prepared. I can think on my feet, but it’s unfortunately short-sighted in comparison.”

29. Can you keep a secret?

“If I swear to secrecy I will take it to my grave, I promise you.”

30. Do you like being the centre of attention?

“I do now. I didn’t in the past. It’s a pleasant feeling.”

31. If you knew you were going to die tomorrow, what would you do today?

“Make last-minute updates to my will. Try to prevent my death, if I can. Spend the remainder of my day with my loved ones.”

32. Do you enjoy getting all dressed up for a special occasion?

“Very much so. I rarely squander an opportunity to formally flaunt my wardrobe and jewellery.”

33. Where do you feel safe?

“My bedroom. No-one can enter without my permission. Safety means no-one could potentially attempt to hurt me.”

34. Do you love or hate being alone?

“I’m not alone. I’m neutral towards that concept.”

35. What’s the last nightmare you remember having?

“Something about roadkill. Flattened iguanas and torn-apart birds. It was quite graphic.”

36. Do you admit to mistakes when you make them?

“If I have made them, I explain what motivated me at the time. I will apologise if I decide it is warranted.”

37. Do you want to grow up to be like your parents?

“I believe I have inherited traits of theirs, as all children do. I quite like those traits.”

38. How do you deal with being sick? Are you stoic, or super whiny?

“I don’t complain, if that’s what you mean. I rest and do some of the things I enjoy in order to get better as soon as possible.”

39. What did your parents expect from you when you were born?

“Those present at my birth expected a monster. My parents expected a rather unique daughter that didn’t comprehend why she wasn’t liked.”

40. Do you have a strong sense of style?

“I have a strong sense of what I like. Much of that happens to be stylish.”

41. Would you rather camp outdoors or stay the night in an inn?

“I’d rather spend the night indoors. If I have no other choice, I’ll make the best of what’s available.”

42. Is there a food that most people like that you absolutely hate?

“Burgers. I know that sounds rather snobbish, but they’re messy.”

43. Are you more of a hoarder or a minimalist?

“I am certainly not either of those things. My collection is usually cluttered, so on a spectrum, I am a few degrees short of the hoarder side.”

44. Are you superstitious?

“No. I have seen strange enough things wandering around to not be scared of ghosts or demons, and I don’t believe in smaller superstitions like walking under ladders either.”

45. Are you the kind of person who remembers people’s birthdays and pets’ names and stuff?

“I am. Usually I’m the one who assigns the nicknames, so that certainly helps me, if no-one else.”

46. What do you do to feel better when you’re sad?

“Spend time with my favourite films, my favourite chair, and my favourite people.”

47. Is it hard for you to trust someone?

“I keep myself closed off intentionally. My trust and respect are earned.”

48. Are you susceptible to peer pressure?

“No. My choices are my own.”

49. If you decided to stop adventuring and settle down, what kind of job would you take?

“Hm. If I did decide to stop my current business and retire, I’m not sure what job would be suitable for my talents. Working in an aviary or as a professional appraiser. Or perhaps I would consider whether that would be a suitable time to look into having children.”

50. As a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?

“A pop star. I wanted to sing on a stage for a great number of people.”

[jj-lynn21]

Plastic and Glass: Rocker Axel ch 2

Ch 1    ch 3  ch 4  ch 5  ch 6  ch 7

Warnings: light angst, fluff, talk of smut, light kissing

Painting of Axel by @hiddlelecki​

Applebee’s has the air conditioning on full blast since it is so hot outside. It is 86 degrees Fahrenheit outside and maybe 40 degrees Fahrenheit in the restaurant. Stephanie shivers a little as they get inside for a minute looking for her family. It is a little after 1 p.m. so they should be there.  Stephanie sees her sister-in-law wave with a smile.

Axel whispered, “Let me go get you a hoodie from my bag. I’ll be right back.” He kisses her cheek and runs out to door.

Stephanie walks to where her family is sitting and sits down in the empty seat by her Mother. Another empty seat is across from her by her brother.

“We scare Axel off already?” Her brother laughed.

“He went to get me a hoodie since its so cool in here,” Stephanie smiled.

“That’s so sweet,” her sister-in-law complimented, “Isn’t it Mark.”

“Yeah,” her brother agreed as Axel came over.

Axel squeezed behind her Mother to put the zip up dark blue hoodie around his girl. “It’s big on you but it should keep you warm.”

Stephanie stood up proudly, “This is Axel.”

Some of the tattoos on his arms were on display but the sleeves hid the ones that might be offensive to a girl he like’s family.  Not that Stephanie had asked him to cover his tats. He just knew that it would be better for them both if he coved a few of them.

“Axel, this is my mom Laura, sister-in-law Beth and brother Mark.” Stephanie introduced her family by name.

“Good to meet you,” Axel’s voice was nervous.

He pushed Stephanie’s chair in when she sat before going around the table to sit down. Mark stood to stop him and shake his hand. Axel shook his hand and they both froze a moment in an equally tight handshake.

Mark chuckled and padded Axel on shoulder, “Good man,” He leaned in to whisper, “I will find you if you hurt her to badly.”

Axel just nodded, a little freaked out look on his face as he sat down. The waitress comes over to take drink orders while everyone is still looking over the menu. Stephanie tenses a little hoping Axel doesn’t order a beer which he does normally order when they go out for lunch or dinner. She relaxes as he orders a Pepsi. She orders the same. He notices her tensions and reaches out across the table to take her hand without saying a word.

Her mother orders club soda, “You sure you want that caffeine drink Steph. It could keep you up all night. Maybe you want a spite or juice?”

Stephanie looks at her Mother holding back the eye daggers she wants to throw, “I think I’ll be up late, so I’ll be fine.” Her voice is sweet, but she hols on to Axel’s hand like a vice grip.

“Hey Steph,” Axel breaks the tension. “They have some mac and cheese with chicken on the two for $25 and I can get a steak. We can share some cheese dip with chips and add a desert if you want?”

Her Mother shakes her head and mouths to Mark, “I am not paying for him.”

Axel see this, “My treat Stephanie. The skies the limit.” He chuckles.

Stephanie giggles, “Sounds good. I will probably be too full for dessert, but we will see.”

“We got you Mom, as Axel said the skies the limit.” Mark chuckled. “So, what you do for a living Axel?”

Axel takes a sip of his Pepsi as soon as the waitress sits it down.

She looks at Axel just recognizing him, “Hey Axel, how are you?” She smiles.

“I’m good Stacy,” He keeps a blank look on his face. “How is Simon. You two coming to the show Saturday.”

“Wouldn’t miss it,” She giggles. “Um what can I get you?”

His eyes flit to Stephanie, “Me and my girl Stephanie are going to have this two for $25. I’ll take the well-done steaks with loaded baked potato and She will have the mac and cheese with grill chicken. Grilled chicken right Stephanie?”

“Yes, Axel.” She smiled.

“Oh, cool, good to see you to Steph.” The waitress finally acknowledged someone else at the table than Axel. “I’m  not sure you ever noticed me or my boyfriend Simon at the shows. But we are always there.”

“Cool,” Stephanie nodded and smiled.

“What can I get for everyone else?” She took the rest of the table’s orders.

“Well, that was uncalled for,” Laura said. “That girl practically threw herself at you with your girlfriend right there.”

“I don’t think so,” Axel chuckled his thumb running over Stephanie’s hand. “She and her boyfriend are just big fans. I appreciate her enthusiasm.”

“Really?” Laura raised her eyebrows.

Mark changed tried to change the direction of the conversation, “So, is music something you want to make a career out of Axel?”

Axel makes eye contact with Mark, “No, the music thing is just for fun and a little extra money. I’m going to business school. I work at my uncle’s tattoo parlor now. He wants me to take over the business when he retires. It’s a lucrative business especially in a college town.”

“What do your parents think of your tattoos?” Laura griped.

Axel shrugs. Takes a deep breath, “My Mother passed away when I was really young. My Dad left me with my Uncle Derick not long after. So, I guess I don’t know what they would think,” he looks away from everyone.

Stephanie glares at her Mother. The appetizers come to distract everyone for awhile.

As Mark eats some wings he engages Axel in another conversation. “You follow football Axel or other sports?”

“Yeah, man,” Axel held a cheese chip a few inches from Stephanie’s lips. She moved to eat it.  “All the local teams. I played when I was a kid. I wasn’t very good, but I played.”

They got to talking about sports. Stephanie was happy they were getting along but tuneed out most of the conversation. She was not going to sit around watch sports center all day like her brother and sister-in-law. She didn’t even realize Axel followed sporting even. Now she thought she would eventually have to sit through some important games as long as it wasn’t a huge part of their lives. She laughed at herself for thinking so far ahead with Axel and her sitting around like her brother and sister-in-law.

The conversation was positive as the main meals came out. They talked about school. How Axel and Stephanie met. Axel invited Stephanie’s family to the show Saturday knowing they wouldn’t go. Her Mother laughed saying she was usually in bed early. Mark said the music wasn’t his cup of tea, but it was nice of Axel to invite them. He knew it was Stephanie’s scene more than his.

“Nothing wrong with rock music,” Mark stated. “Steph is like our Dad enjoying that scene.  Our Dad has a few tattoos. As long as people are not hurting each other there is nothing wrong with people liking different things. I like R & B and dance music myself.”

“That’s a cool outlook,” Axel nodded in agreement. “To each his own.”

Axel and Mark paid the checks and they all got up to leave. Axel tosses a $20 tip on the table. Mark nod in approval. They all leave together.

“We are going to grab a good spot on the beach for fireworks.” Mark looked to Axel and Stephanie. You guys can follow us or meet up later.”

“We will follow you,” Axel has his arm around Stephanie’s waist. “After that meal I could use a walk along the beach. How about you Stephanie?”

“Yeah, sounds nice,” She looked at him dreamily as they walked toward his motorcycle.

Mark and Beth smiled. Laura smirked disapprovingly. Stephanie took off the hoodie. Axel put it away. He put on her helmet and then his own. They got on the cycle pulling behind Mark’s silver minivan. Stephanie’s family were inside. They started off towards the lake.

“Well, he’s quite a hoodlum,” Laura shook her head. “I can’t believe your sister likes that.”

“He seems to be nice to her,” Mark counters. “I think he is a good guy. They like a lot of the same things and that’s important.”

“You don’t think he is just trying to sleep with her,” Laura grumbler.

“Not anymore,” Mark said without a thought. “Just hope they take precautions.”

“I can’t believe you would insinuate your sister is having sex,” Laura’s voice was angered.

Beth puts both hands over her mouth to catch a laugh.  

“We’re here,” Mark pulled into the first close parking space he saw.

Axel zoomed by pulling into a space a few cars away. Him and Stephanie got off the cycle. He put the helmets in the lockable saddle bags after he got a red blanket out and a small blue over the shoulder cooler with two waters. The two walked towards her family.

“I thought these would come in handy tonight.” Axel kept a stoic look.

“Good call man,” Mark was getting a blanket and a lawn chair out of the back of the van.

Kids ran around on the grassy hill near the beach as their parents set up blankets and chairs. A radio station truck pulled in the parking lot to set up to play some tunes. An ice cream truck followed. Mark and Axel set up their stuff in an empty spot. Mark set his Mother’s lawn chair on the other side of his blanket.  Axel and Stephanie took off their boots and socks. Axel takes off his jeans and has black shorts on. 

“Can you sit my chair between the two blankets so I can chat  with everyone easier, Mark?” Laura asked.

“Sure, Mom,” Mark and Axel each moved the blankets over to accommodate her lawn chair.

Stephanie took Axel’s hand, “We are going for a walk.”

“Oh, let’s all go.” Laura invited herself along.

“Hey, Mom, let’s go get some ice cream,” Mark suggested. “They don’t need a babysitter.”

Laura smirked at him before turning her attention back to Stephanie. “Be careful. Get back to the blanket before it gets to dark.”

Axel takes his shirt off revealing hidden tattoos. He figures at this point he made a good enough impression so if any of them don’t like him, fuck’em. He tosses the shirt onto the blanket before walking off towards the water with Stephanie. There are several other tattooed men and women with their families so Axel feels confident.

He mumbled as they were walking away, “Don’t talk to strangers or run off with any tattooed hoodlums, Stephanie.”

Stephanie laughed, “Yeah, she is um what doesn’t offend her to badly is we say she hovers.

“OK, we’ll call it hovering,” He chuckles. “Your brother seems cool with us. I mean other than threatening to track me down if I hurt you.”

They walk down to the sandy beach and along the shoreline.

“He didn’t,” Stephanie was shocked.

“Yep, but its cool.”  Axel kicked some water on her. “If I had a sister, I would be the same way. Come here.”

Axel pulled her over behind the changing room building where there was no one else around. He pinned her against the wall. One hand holding her wrists above her head. Her breath quickened as he looked at her licking his lips. His other reached under her skirt to palm her through her panties, His thumb rubbed against her slit.

“Your Mom really makes me want to wreck you,” Axel grins evilly. “Did you ever try anal with that ex of yours?”

“No, and we are not doing that here.” Stephanie struggled to get out of his grip to no avail.

“Wouldn’t think of it,” Axel leaned down to kisses that part of her neck that always made her melt right into him. “But you will try it?”

“Yes,” she murmured eyes fluttering.

Axel kissed her. His tongue darting into her mouth to touch with hers like a dance. He let her go and moved away, “I can’t wait to get you home tonight.”

“It is going to be 1 a.m. once we get home.” She reminded him. “I’m not sure I will be up to anything new after this day.”

His arm was leaning on the back of the wall behind her. His other hand dropped to his side. “We will see how we both feel later, alright?”

“Alright, Axel.” Stephanie sighed. “we should get back.”

“Oh, yeah its almost your curfew,” He teased.

“Shut up,” She laughed and smacked his chest playfully.

“Kiss me again and we will head back,” He leaned down lips close to hers before she answered.

“Small price to pay,” She kisses his lips quickly and ran.

Axel ran after her, “You are going to get it later.”

He catches her and swings her around. They were both laughing.

On the way back to the blanket their waitress from Applebee’s saw them and they stopped to talk to her and her boyfriend. The guys compared tats. Axel told him if he wanted something else to stop by his shop for a friends discount.

They got back to the blanket. Axel pulled Stephanie down. They were laughing again. 

[promisenolies]

So... I never want to forget what BTS Chicago Night One was like... the pictures and video will help that I got.. but I wanted more. Something concrete...so I wrote this: 

I have sincere doubts that I’ll ever be able to accurately describe what going to BTS’s Speak Yourself show in Chicago on May 11, 2019 meant to me. Part of being able to convey why it was such a life-altering experience for me would include y’all having an understanding as to why I love these guys so much, what their music, and general existence means to me. And that, is a task that is beyond my capabilities…but I’ll try.

               I didn’t know what I was missing. I shrugged my daughter off when she’d try to tell me about them or get me to listen to their music. I didn’t understand why anyone would listen to music outside of their native language. How do you even enjoy it? But then…in July…I heard Fake Love on the radio while on my way to a Hanson String Theory show. Something about it called to me. I jumped in and started reading lyrics (as the message is always my number one concern—after having a good groove/sound) …and I fell in love. –Do you know how hard it is to find a great beat and fat bass WITHOUT sexually degrading lyrics? Damn near impossible until BTS for me. Instead of ‘bitches, hos, money, drugs, and pimping’ they’re singing about chasing dreams, rejecting status quo, finding home with those you love and who love you, about love, relationships, and connection. They sing a wide range—pop, pop/rock, rap, hip-hop…it keeps my many moods quite satisfied.  Their music fully transcends language. You can just FEEL it, so deeply, so wholly, you don’t need to know every last word to get the message.

Then, I fell in love with THEM. I fell in love with their message of loving ourselves, speaking our truths, of not trying to meet anyone else’s expectations, to do what makes YOU happy. They are so engaged, humble, gracious, and kind. They’re funny and dorky. They’re reflective and intellectual. They’re driven and talented.

               Yes, they’re a “boy band.” Yes, they dance and wear ‘costumes.’ But these boys also write and produce their own stuff (with others as well…but still—active participants!) and always sing live. They give 110% for a minimum of two hours-even to the point of getting sick/passing out/injuring themselves.

               And the fan base!! Holy mother! Sure I feel a little isolated here in small town MN in my love for these boys (aside from my kid, my cousin’s kid, and a few friends of theirs) but the fan base is MASSIVE. And incredibly welcoming (for the most part). There’s drama of course—I mean, there are at least 20 million of us. But it’s pretty easy to stay out of and find people to connect with. It’s one thing to know there’s a network of us online… it’s a completely different thing to experience it.

               Which, I guess, brings me to this past weekend. After a roughly 8 hour drive, we arrived in Chicago. Right away, the streets were sprinkled with ARMIES—BTS and BT21 gear proudly worn and displayed. A sense of belonging and home seeped in. And that’s not a new sensation for me, as I’ve felt that every time I went to Tulsa, or Back To The Island or any other Hanson event/show. It’s a beautiful feeling. We got checked in and decided to head to Soldier Field as the merch lines were already open and apparently essentially non-existent. The field area had a small number of ARMY milling about, nothing too crazy. We stopped and took a picture of a few BTS banners, then found the merch area. And yeah, after less than a half hour later we were at the front of the line, mostly certain of our merch choices. I pretty much wanted it all, but had to limit myself. We wandered a bit more, and that’s when it finally started to sink in…I was in the same city as seven men who had altered my emotional well being over the last 10-11 months, I would be seeing them LIVE in around 12 hours. I was quickly overwhelmed and started to cry. It feels somewhat embarrassing to say, and I don’t even fully understand what it was that overwhelmed me so much. The rest of the evening was pretty chill—grabbed some dinner and mentally tried to prepare ourselves for the next day.

               The next day we went back down to Soldier field—equipped with layers and an umbrella because the weather was turning cold and rainy. When we arrived we knew we made the right call by going to get merch the afternoon before because the merch line was RIDICULOUS – we’re talking thousands of people in line. There were multiple merch locations—all with the same size lines! But we wanted to get pictures done at the BTS Studio – a very neat little booth where you get to “interact” with one of the guys via a sort of hologram like thing, but the pictures turn out so freaking legit I was dying to get one. ….however….BigHit/Mattel (I don’t know who made this call..but!) cut off the general line after we waited for two hours. There were at least a couple hundred more behind us waiting, as well as about a hundred in front of us, and there were five hours left before doors opened to the stadium so it literally made ZERO sense to cut the line. BTS SOLD OUT Soldier Field (roughly 70,000 seats) and they only allowed 250 general people into the studio (there were more QR holders—which tons of ARMY tried for an only a few got) … it was a disaster. I suppose I would have been less angry had it not been so ungodly COLD out. We certainly did not plan for 40 degree weather in MAY.

               We decided to hop an Uber and go back to the hotel until showtime. After lunch we drove downtown to check out the BTS Pop-up Store situation, and then made a quick decision to avoid that line as it literally wrapped around an entire downtown Chicago city block – INSANE—but beautiful. So, back to the hotel. The weather was not clearing up, and I was starting to worry about the show—both for our comfort but also and more importantly the guys’ safety. Wet stages are slippery and these boys don’t hold back, the risk of injury was high. So, we joked and tweeted a bit about how Yoongi (Suga) needed to say out loud that he wanted the rain to stop and skies to clear because anything Yoongi says out loud tends to happen – saying he wanted BTS to win daesangs (Korean absolute top awards – they now have 15 from 2016 to 2018) saying he wanted to go to the Grammys (and they presented at this year’s Grammy Awards) saying he wanted Billboard top 200 (done) Billboard top 100 (done) A Billboard Music Award (done x4 – three top social artist and this years top group award). So we called on Yoongi to say he didn’t want the rain… and while the boys may have said it was the power of ARMY that cleared the skies I still say it was Yoongi.

               When we got into the venue another rush of realization hit me when I saw how CLOSE to the stage we were. I may have missed out on the VIP tickets (thanks to the stupid ticketmaster app freezing on my phone) but level 100 was INCREDIBLE. Absolutely astounding really. We got our ARMY Bombs paired to our seats and then waited. They play music videos while we wait, and it was amusing to have fans scream for those as well – and indicative of how insane it was going to be once all the fans were in and seated because it was loud even with just around a few thousand inside. My brain still couldn’t quite comprehend that I was about to see BTS live, that I was as close as I was, and that it wasn’t a dream.

               The thing about it is…once it started, I had no idea what to do. Do I watch the stage, do I watch the screen, do I not try to capture any video or pictures and just dance, sing, and scream? I tried to do all of those options, but I still feel like I missed so much. I feel like it all went so quickly.

               They opened with DIONYSUS – from their new album Map of the Soul: Persona. A heavy hitting, party-anthem type song. A great opener to get the crowd hyped up (as if we needed the help) The pyrotechnics warmed it up a bit when they went off (holy shit we really were close!) The stage was amazing! Large silver leopards behind them, Greek pillars adorning the sides…totally fitting of Dionysus.

               They transitioned straight into NOT TODAY—another heavy hitter for bass, power, and intense choreo. Theses guys BURST into their stage presence, taking no prisoners and leaving us all breathless and trembling. The sensation of hearing tens of thousands of other fans screaming with you, singing with you, and doing fan chants for the guys…well, that’s a feeling I’ve never felt before.

               My first round of tears started when they did their introductions/welcome speeches. Let’s be honest, I’m Jimin biased through and through. He will always hold the biggest part of my heart out of the seven. And, honestly, I thought he was the most beautiful being I’d ever seen…but to see him in person…holy mother, there is no comparing it. He’s absolutely ethereal. An angel just walking among us. But each of their moments touched me, made me smile or laugh or just bask in the feel of love they send to us. And then…WINGS. I was so excited to know that they were performing Wings as it’s one of my favorite songs and I worried I’d never hear it live since it’s an older one. My teary-eyed state did not go away once they started it, even though it’s an upbeat song. There’s just something about BTS singing about facing fears and chasing dreams, having their wings spread and taking them to where they want to go…feeling that it was the work of ARMY helping them get there…but I know for a fact that ARMY also feel that BTS are our wings too—the way we feel encouraged and empowered to live authentically and without apology, to chase dreams and find our passions.

               A small break and then we got J-Hope’s solo JUST DANCE Hobi is a great entertainer, clearly loves the stage and his passion for dance is legitimately felt through the entire stadium. After J-Hope we got an iconic performance of EUPHORIA by Jungkook. Kookie is stunning! Absolutely beautiful. He goes from adorable baby bunny to professional rockstar in half a second. His vocals are solid and his choreo locked down. But who thought up the crazy idea of hanging onto a giant hook-like-thing and just soaring over the crowd on a cable!? My mama bear heart struggled with that, fam. But he did great and seems to really enjoy it so we’ll let it pass.

               BEST OF ME!! Ugh, another song I was DESPERATE to hear live and worried I never would. A stellar performance! The energy was still high with them and us, everyone singing along and dancing. So many of their songs are “one of my favorites” but this one definitely is. And I was GIDDY hearing it live. And yes, the answer call between Jimin and Jungkook was a highlight.  

               Clear the stage, play a quick video… and then… SERENDIPITY. This experience STILL feels like it didn’t happen. Jimin singing live… wow… just… I lack words to express Jimin and his performance. His choreography is always some of the most intricate and demanding and yet he does it flawlessly while maintaining his angelic vocals. He didn’t get the title main dancer by chance. The level of professionalism is incredible. You can tell he feels so loved by ARMY, his smile is so genuine and gracious as he’s absorbing all our cheering and screaming…and yeah, maybe a little bit of sobbing. He’s a soft, sweet person and an absolute powerhouse on stage—even with a ballad such as Serendipity.

               And then RM brings us back up in energy with his solo LOVE. They’re all great performers, and RM is no exception. It’s hard to capture a good picture of him because he’s constantly moving on the stage, making rounds to every corner. Another beautiful moment to be chanting “salam salam salam (person person person) and salang salang salang (love love love)” with tens of thousands of fans… it’s quite overwhelming.

               BOY WITH LUV is like a blur for me. They all looked AMAZING. I loved the mix of pink and blue clothing. I probably missed a ton of moments through that song because my brain short circuited, I tried to get some pictures but the movement is so constant that not many of them turned out. Strong vocals, a ton of fun together, an all around great performance.

               From the newest to some old school – DOPE followed Boy With Luv. I love the energy and power in Dope. I also loved the cute little moment I got on video between Jimin and Jungkook. Dope blended into BAEPSAE and FIRE … this medley is INSANE. I LOVE watching the guys freestyle their dancing and then effortlessly joining formation and nailing the song’s choreography. It’s stupidly impressive. JHope jumped out and attacked us all with some power dancing and then the dreaded/desired hip thrusting.

               I got absolutely zero pictures or video from IDOL because I was so enraptured by them on stage. I couldn’t take my eyes off them. It was pretty neat as Idol faded out, they went back to the top of the stage then went full in to the Idol choreography again. Like a second dance break when it appeared the song was over. Another small break and then Tae (V) comes out in pajamas on a freaking bed. The crowd lost their minds. It was a stunning performance of SINGULARITY, and I’m really hoping I can find video of the small dance break he has in it where he flung off the jacket. Sometimes Tae fades a little into the background but this performance wasn’t one of those times.

               After Singularity we got a seamless transition into FAKE LOVE—another song I have zero pics or video from because the whole thing was an experience. Seriously. Damn. From the strong, solid vocals to the hard hitting, precise choreo, to the passionate fan chants…Fake Love was perfection. …And do I really need to mention Jungkook’s abs? Oofta. I was utterly enraptured by this performance. Also, since Fake Love was the comeback I came into the fandom during, it holds a unique place in my heart.

               I don’t remember Fake Love ending, but I do remember the next song starting. SEESAW. Shit. Again, I shall remind you that Jimin is by bias—always has been always will be. But I’d be a bold-faced LIAR if I tried to say that Yoongi isn’t the most amazing performer I’ve ever seen. They are all phenomenal. But Yoongi has something extra. Something you don’t expect from him. He often flies a little under the radar, not often the highlight of red-carpet appearances or interviews, fairly soft-spoken. But when he hits the stage—watch out! Min Yoongi was BORN to be on stage. Even with a softer song, and less intense choreography Suga owns it. He commands all attention. He’s claimed in the past that he can’t “sing”, since he’s a rapper, but Seesaw (and First Love—his solo from Wings) prove otherwise. Gorgeous. I was speechless, and a bit teary watching him.

               And if I wasn’t already an emotional mess by then, Jin gets the stage to perform EPIPHANY. Oh my heart!! This was a song that when I first heard it, my heart and soul KNEW it was intense and it touched me instantly. And then, when I listened again with subs/lyrics I had a little bit of an emotional breakdown. Epiphany live was like the first time all over again. And to be surrounded by tens of thousands of other fans singing “I’m the one I should love…” Well, cue me crying.  A message of needing to love yourself before being able to find love with anyone else…well that’s a message we all need to take to heart. A stellar performance. An emotional experience.

               But then! Then you know what they did!? When we’re already emotional hot messes? They go into THE TRUTH UNTOLD. Whhyyyy!? Why would you do that to us!? The Truth Untold is a transcendent song, no way around it. A song about feelings of inadequacy, of being rejected if people knew who we really were, hiding behind masks because we’re so afraid… God, just rip out my heart. And our dear vocal line (Jimin, Jungkook, Jin, and Tae) were so lovely and beautiful and somber. The song has no choreo, no fancy stages… just four guys singing their absolute hearts out.

               Cue the rap line (Suga, RM, and JHope) coming to pull us from our emotional state with OUTRO: TEAR. Oh lord, as it started there was a woman the row behind us who asked her friend, “what song is this?” and her friend was so offended! She screamed, “Tear, bitch!” It was slightly hilarious. All three rappers dominate the stage, and having never been to a live rap show before, I gotta say the ability to maintain the flow at the speed they do is impressive. TEAR flowed into MIC DROP and ooooooh how I lost my mind! MIC DROP was the song that really got me to jump into the BTS scene head first. It’s always been a favorite, will always be a favorite. I tried to get video, but I couldn’t stop dancing so it’s pretty bad video. (also, no one wants to hear my horrible voice fan chanting and singing along) The choreography to MIC DROP kills me. The choreo (and the song itself) just screams “we’re badass and we have no apologies” so get on board or get the hell out.

               A small pause so that they could set up the guys’ giant Anpanman bounce house! ANPANMAN has always been a fun song and a great live performance, but it hit a new level when you get to watch the guys play on a giant bounce house. It’s easy to forget how young they all are and how much of their youth they kind of missed out on as they chased this dream. I mean, Jungkookie is only 21 now, was 15 when they debuted. Jin, the oldest is only 26 and was 20 at debut. They lost a lot of freedom and playful years as they trained for debut. It’s freaking adorable to watch them play on stage. Even cuter when Yoongi goes from savage rapper in MIC DROP to soft and playful on the inflatable. Jungkook chased Jimin to the top, did a little dance and then they slid down (JK after Jimin though I think he had wanted to go down together)

               Anpanman transitions into SO WHAT which is truly a sight to see. No set choreo, just the guys dancing along every last inch of the stage to spread their love to everyone in the stadium. Playful moments, a lot of laughter. It’s BTS being authentically them. And I love it.

               We all got a bit emotional during the closing speeches. Jin being classic Jin and screaming AARRRMMMYYYY at us, “today is so cold, you know…thank you for coming out today even though it’s cold and rainy, I’d like to hug you with my warm heart” (and he hugs JK) “I actually really hate being cold, I was so happy though because I was with you, Army. I LOVE YOU ARMY!!” Jimin showing us how floored he was by our presence, soaking in our cheers—eyes wide and smile bright. “I’m so so happy today. But! I hope you guys don’t catch a cold.” He then essentially points a finger at us, daring our immune systems to go against his wishes.  (the screams overtake the next part of his speech so I’m not positive as to what he said) Jimin always finishes with “I love you” and lots of hearts. Jungkook and his adorable bunny smile, acted shy when it was his turn. He starts with “…It’s been awhile. I know it’s was rainy and cold, rainy and chilly…but you warmed my heart. I hope you also felt warm energy from us. One more thing, please, don’t catch a cold. Alright? See you all again!”  Suga – commanding the stage once again. “Chicago make some noise! I heard it’s actually really cold in Chicago but I didn’t know it was going to be this cold. But because of you Army, you guys melted this place. Chicago make some noise! Today’s going to be such an unforgettable day. Thank you so much for coming out today, see you tomorrow!”  JHope: “My lovely Chicago!! Did we have fun today? Since it was raining hard, and cold, I was worried for you all. However, as I was watching all of you, having fun, with your smiles on your face, my worries disappeared and I gained my power back. Army, you guys are my hope, you’re my hope, thank you so much Army Chicago, see you tomorrow.”   Tae: “How you feeling Chicago? Make some noise. A few days ago I had a dream about chasing some stars and this scenery was exactly my dream. I really wanted to chase and make sure to grab a star. I want to keep this scenery forever (Tae fooled me and I thought his speech was over so my video stopped)…ssshhhh…we will come again next year!”  RM: (gets bundled up by Tae, fans chant KIM NAMJOON) “My parents are gonna love this.” (in response to the chanting) “Guys, welcome to the first BTS winter concert. You might catch a cold, it’s freezing but whatever, it’s special right!? It’s fresh. It’s Chicago. Is the weather a serious problem for us? So right before we get onto the stage, like during the sound check, um while we were coming to the stage it was raining a lot and like these friends and every staff were so worried that it was raining and maybe we might do the little dance not very good, so we were worried, but I told them ‘don’t worry Chicago army is going to stop the rain.’ And you guys did! Seriously you guys gave us a miracle and I love this special weather in Chicago. So when the snow comes in Korea I’ll definitely think of Chicago. …”

               And then they came right for my heart and soul performing MAKE IT RIGHT and MIKROKOSMOS. Two of my absolute favorite songs off the new album. Sweet, personal, emotional. And the realization that this euphoric experience was coming to an end and I started to lose my composure during MIKROKOSMOS. “Shine, dream, smile” …always for you boys, always for you.

It was around this time that Jimin stood at the corner of the stage facing my section and started to blow kisses. And I teared up because somehow, in a crowd of thousands of people the way Jimin sends his love into the crowd every last one of us feels like the ONLY one of us at that moment in time. You just FEEL the pure love emanating from him...and it’s a feeling unlike any other. A feeling I’ll never forget. 

               I still don’t think, almost 4000 words later, that I’ve even scrapped the surface of how incredible that night was for me. How touched I was not just by the band, but by being surrounded by thousands upon thousands of people of all ages, races, nationalities, sexual orientations, classes, genders who love them just as much as I do. BTS is so much more than seven beautiful men who dance well. BTS is connection and love. BTS is inspiration and encouragement. BTS isn’t a phase, they’re making an impact far beyond what anyone imagined. Music with a message? It’s been far too long since we’ve had that. BTS is like a long drink of fresh water after being stranded in a desert.

               BTS – Seven lights in an otherwise dreary and sad world, reminding us to find our own lights and share it with the world.

[shipwreckedwithcaptainmarrow]

70 horrible questions ... Fuck it

Guess I’m doing it too, just gonna answer it all. #gettoknowtheblogger! lol 

01: Do you have a good relationship with your parents? Absolutely, the best I ever could have hoped for, my mom was my closest friend before she passed, and my dad is the best dad I could ever ask for.  02: Who did you last say “I love you” to? My girlfriend, Ava 03: Do you regret anything? Going halfway to mom and dad’s house, then realizing the hardware store was going to close soon, and doubling back for art supplies, only to have my mom pass away the next day. 2 years ago. I will never forgive myself.  04: Are you insecure? Who isn’t? 05: What is your relationship status? Good, as far as I know, she tried to break up with me once but I didn’t realize what was happening, and a year later we’re still a thing so, good. lol 06: How do you want to die? Peacefully in sleep? I mean, who wants to die other ways? 07: What did you last eat? BBQ chicken strips my gf made 08: Played any sports? I hear paintball is a sport. So, Paintball, like, 9 years ago, lol.  09: Do you bite your nails? Nope, never have.  10: When was your last physical fight? Never been in a physical fight. Very pirate-y, I know.  11: Do you like someone? My... girlfriend? 12: Have you ever stayed up 48 hours? Yes! Me and friend stayed awake 3.5 days straight just to see who’d crash first, lol.  13: Do you hate anyone at the moment? My ex-bestfriend 14: Do you miss someone? My mom, every single day. And a couple friends from back in MI 15: Have any pets? I have a little siamese cat named Niffler that I adore, he makes chortling sounds all the time! 16: How exactly are you feeling at the moment? Drunk! 17: Ever made out in the bathroom? Not there yet. lol 18: Are you scared of spiders? I’m not a fan of most insects, but my gf loves spiders, so, I’ve grown to tolerate them, lol. 19: Would you go back in time if you were given the chance? I would, and not have gone to the fucking hardware store and went to go see my mom like I was going to.  20: Where was the last place you snogged someone? Last night, in bed. 21: What are your plans for this weekend? Fuck if I know, probably moving tons of shit from some stupid place to another. 22: Do you want to have kids? How many? No kids, I like animals tho and living my own life for me. Selfish,  I know. lol  23: Do you have piercings? How many? Both ears pierced, and lip piercing right where Andy Biersack has his. lol  24: What is/are/were your best subject(s)? Umm.. Ancient greek, roman, viking, egyptian history and mythology, the golden age of piracy, medieval eras, etc. So I guess if you’re talking school, history? History and art? Probably art a tad more. 25: Do you miss anyone from your past? My friends from Michigan, my grandma up there, and of course, my mom.  26: What are you craving right now? I was craving more rum, but now kinda just craving my mom.  27: Have you ever broken someone’s heart? Nope, I’ve been dumped 8 times, but I’ve never broken it off with anyone. 28: Have you ever been cheated on? Yep! GF #3, strung me along and ended up getting with a navy guy. Then I became a pirate a few years later down the road. Unrelated.  29: Have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry? Not that I know of, I’ve been turned into a fucking wreck because of Gfs tho lol 30: What’s irritating you right now? My ex-friend, and lack of time to do drag stuff. 31: Does somebody love you? My dad, family, gf, and I’m sure a few friends.

32: What is your favourite color? Red! 33: Do you have trust issues? Kinda, been cheated on before the one time, but I think that was a fluke. Other than that one time, actually I guess not. ...no. lol. 34: Who/what was your last dream about? My house was on fire, but I heroically saved the day and helped put it out, as well as the neighbor’s fire! 35: Who was the last person you cried in front of? Tonight, at my dad’s house, after grabbing stuff from my mom’s room. Not sure of the gf saw, but, I walked past her.  36: Do you give out second chances too easily? Absolutely yes!  37: Is it easier to forgive or forget? Forgive, hands down. 38: Is this year the best year of your life? One month in, easily not.  39: How old were you when you had your first kiss? 21 actually.  40: Have you ever walked outside completely naked? I haven’t but I’ve told people it’s awesome then confessed to having never done it myself. So. No.  51: Favourite food? Chicken 52: Do you believe everything happens for a reason? I do not! Everything is meaningless!  53: What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night? Masturbated, lol.  54: Is cheating ever okay? Nope. 55: Are you mean? Nope, not in any way, I’m the most lenient nicest second-chance giving guy you’d ever meet who’d always give you the benefit of the doubt. lol 56: How many people have you fist fought? Zero, thought I’d like to fist fight my ex-friend right now. 57: Do you believe in true love? Nah, emotions are emotions. No such thing. 58: Favourite weather? 63 degrees, slight breeze. Can wear a tank top without being cold or having to put a jacket on, and overcast, so no direct sunlight.  59: Do you like the snow? The snow is who I am, but I live in South Carolina and have been denied my true climate for far too long. 60: Do you wanna get married? Indifferent, If we do we do,I personally don’t think you need to go through legal documentation and name changing to prove you love someone.  61: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby? Depends.  62: What makes you happy? Pop-punk music, Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter, Pirates, Board Games, MTG, alcohol, friends that aren’t landlord assholes, my gf, my cat, porn, cross-dressing, etc. 63: Would you change your name? Not legally, but I like to use a different name while dressed as a Pirate and while cross-dressing.  64: Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed? Nope, lol. 65: Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? Would have to shoot her down, unless my gf is the said best friend of the opposite sex, in which case no? I don’t know many females as close friends. 66: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around? I don’t have any friends that are girls that I hang out with. I had one, but she moved to Seattle.  67: Who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to? My gf, 10 mins ago. 68: Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? Is hating your landlord deep? If not, then Tyler. lol. 69: Do you believe in soulmates? 70: Is there anyone you would die for? Nah, errything’s meaningless. lol 

[buckyhoneyno]

Beautiful Ignorance Pt. 1

Steve Rodgers x Stark!Reader

In which Steve meets a girl that he believes could be the one, only to find out she’s Tony Starks daughter.

Warnings: none…yet

 Word count – 2671

Pt.1 Pt.2 Pt.3 Pt.4 Pt.5

Masterlist

A/N Hey guys this is my first Captain America fic that I’ve ever had the heart to upload. I hope yall like it. Please give me an feedback yall have I’m really just trying to learn and grow here! I plan on making this a whole series if people are interested in reading it

 Chapter 1

Central Park was quiet today, not out of the ordinary seeing that it was barely 7am. It was a sunny Tuesday morning in the middle of September. A soft breeze flowed through the city setting the scene at a nice 67 degrees. A perfect day for a stroll through the park a luxury Steve Rodgers did not get too often. Taking the chance to get out of Stark tower for a while. He loved his team, and he would undoubtedly do anything for them but he was human and needed his space.

 His walk was peaceful, no one seemed to recognize him. The fight against Loki’s army had only been a few months ago. The battle still fresh in his mind. Shaking his head like he could actually shake off the dark thoughts that threaten to ruin his content mood. He closed his eyes for a moment, feet still moving forward as he rubbed his tired face. It was only a second he could have sworn but it must have been long enough because he was suddenly rocked off balance.

 What felt like a small boulder rammed into his chest knocking him on his back, his breath whooshing out of him as his eyes snapped open.

 A soft squeak was heard as the pair landed. Cap looked down and saw a mass of blond curls on his chest and two small hands gripping his shirt. The head of the stranger lifted, shock covering their face as blue oceans meet green seas.

 “Oh my god, I’m so sorry,” The young woman chocked out her face a bright red as she scrambled off a blushing Steve. “I was just in the zone running after my dog and didn’t even notice you were in the way, are you alright?” She took his hand and hoisted him off the ground making his eyes widen in shock at her strength. He took notice then to the large Rottweiler who sat obediently near them, head tilted to the side as it studied the humans.

“Did you hit your head, oh my god your concussed. I gave you a concussion.” Her voice was frantic as she took his frozen face in her hands examining him. Steve suddenly gained his bearings, the woman in front of him had to be some sort of goddess. He’d never seen a girl like her.

“No-No I’m alright,” Steve scolded himself for stuttering in front of the gorgeous blond. “Are you ok?”

She let out a short laugh giving him a large smile that momentarily took his breath away. “I just bulldozed you to the ground and you’re asking if I’m ok?”

“Yes?” his answer came out more like a question then an answer earning him another laugh.

“I’m perfectly fine, you broke my fall,” she reassured sounding almost like she was teasing him.

Steve raked his brain for something witty to say, god he wished he was tony right now. He’d have already secured a date with the woman. But sadly, he was Steve, a man out of his time who lacked any experience with a normal woman. He was fucked.

“Well I’m sorry about…all that,” She said waving her hand before gathering the leash that hung from the large dog.

“It alright, honestly,” Steve stated reassuringly. “Nothing I couldn’t take,”

The blonde looked him up and down with a slight smirk. “I don’t doubt that,” His eyes widened at her boldness but he covered it quickly, unable though to hide his red cheeks.

“I’m Charlie,” She stated sticking out her hand that wasn’t occupied with the leash.

“Steve,” He took her hand shaking it gently before turning to the dog. “And who might this be?”

“This is Princess,” Charlie stated proudly, giving the dog a quick scratch behind the ear. “Princess shake,” she said sweetly to the dog who held its paw out to Steve. He bent down and took the dogs paw shaking it, listening to the girl giggle softly next to him.

“Nice name, it fits,” she grinned at him in response.

“Well I’ll let you get back to your walk, it was nice meeting you Steve,” she said sweetly her voice flowing like honey to his ears. Though her words caused him a slight distress. She was leaving and he would probably never see her again. Something inside of him pushed him to be bolder.

“Do you want to go get coffee with me?” he asked quickly his words coming out so fast he thought she might not understand him. She froze for a second eyeing him till a grin broke out on her face.

“Sure,”

“I know a place a couple blocks from here if you don’t mind walking, they have a patio so princess will be able to come,” She didn’t say it but she found it endearing that he thought of her dog when making the plans. Anyone who was nice to princess couldn’t be too bad in her books.

“Sounds perfect lead the way,” He kept the urge in, to stick an elbow out for her to take. This wasn’t the 40’s.

“So, Steve, what do you do? You know other then walk through parks and get attacked by woman,” Her question made a laugh come out of him. God, he couldn’t remember the last time he laughed. Her question though did make him wonder, she obviously didn’t know who he really was so he could actually be Steve and not Captain America.

“I work for a private agency,” it wasn’t a lie, though it wasn’t the whole truth. She took his answer in stride and didn’t push the topic. “What about you?”

“At the moment, I’m taking a break from working and getting some much needed me time.” She looked so happy as she spoke about it. Obviously, she wasn’t worried about a job. “Though I have a large amount of free time and I really don’t know what hobbies to pick to fill it up,”

“Do you mind me asking what you used to do?” Steve asked curiously. 

“I modeled,” She said nonchalantly peaking up at him as they walked gaging his reaction.

“That’s…nice?” Nice? Nice! Really Steve be a bit smoother. She giggled a little as she watched his face heat up. 

“Eh it payed my bills and gave me something to do but it’s just so…unfulfilling,” she explained. “I want to do more with myself, or at least do something that has a little more value,” 

Steve couldn’t help but smile at her words. They talked as they walked to the coffee shop. Steve couldn’t remember the last time he had laughed this hard. Her humor was refreshing, she spoke to him as if they had been friends for years rather than strangers who had only just meet. Her lack of filter reminding him of Tony making him shake his head. If he ever had the chance to introduce them he was sure they would get along, maybe too well. 

“Ya and so My dad and I are in this lab trying to figure out if we can make me a science project that will win in one hour. I mean I couldn’t let that little witch Katie Gentry win,” She glared at the girl’s name continuing her story. “anyways we end up making this really cool-” she continued to explain a project that Steve couldn’t even begin to understand but he nodded along laughing at her story. 

“You seem close with your Dad,” Steve stated after she finished her story. He waited for her reply hoping he hadn’t been to forward, seeing as you both were strangers and may not want to answer personal questions.

“We are,” Her smile became softer as she talked. “He raised me on his own, so it was just me and him against the world. He’s actually the reason I’m in New York,” just by looking at her, Steve could tell that she loved her father fiercely. 

“Ya?” Steve said hopping the girl would keep talking. Human interaction like this came few and far between for Steve. He missed his time. Back when the only way to get to know a dame was to talk to her. Now a days there was phones and the internet that kept a buffer between people. 

“He needs help with designing some stuff for his…friends. I’ve done it before for him but for some reason he’s hell bent on me actually meeting them. I swear sometimes he uses me just to show off, I mean not that I mind,” she looked like she couldn’t figure out what word to say after that. She shrugged not bothering to go any deeper on that.

“What about you though, any family your close to?” she asked curiously, it was only fair he had started it.

“Nope just me,” Steve stated trying not to make the mood dark with his lack of loved ones.

Once again, the girl surprised him by nodding understandable and then quickly changing the subject.

“Soooo…got any hidden talents,” Charlie asked grinning at her random question. Steve couldn’t help but laugh nervously before he shyly answered her. 

“I can draw a bit I guess,” he rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly not a huge fan of boasting about his talent.

“ooh I love drawing…I’m not very good at it though,” she said pouting a little as she thought about all of her terrible drawings her father still had hung up in his lab from when she was a child.

“What about you any hidden talents?”

“not really, I’m a bit boring,”

“I don’t believe boring is a word that anyone would ever describe you as,” Charlie couldn’t stop the smile that came to her at his words. God, he was cute, and a gentleman. Those were hard to find now a days Charlie mused to herself. 

Their coffee had been finished for two hours but the conversation had never stopped. It was as if they had known each other for years. 

“…so, me and Buck made it back to the apartment shoes gone, Buck lost his shirt, my pants are missing a whole leg but we managed it without being arrested,” tears were streaming down her face as Charlie laughed at one of his many stories about his childhood best friend. Charlie had found out he had passed away a few years ago when Steve first said the name and had made a point to not make a big deal about it.

“God, you two must have been a handful,”

“ya we were,” his soft smile seemed reminiscent as he thought about Bucky. It still hurt to talk or think about him but it was bearable. It felt nice though to talk about him, to say his name to someone who had no knowledge of who he was. He wanted Bucky to be remembered, he deserved it.

Princess who had been asleep most of the time let out a soft whine as she sat obediently in front of them. Charlie looked confused for a moment till she picked up her phone that she had flipped over when they had first sat down. Her eyes widened as she looked at it. 10 missed calls from her father.

“Oh my god I’m so late,” She said standing quickly but froze when she looked at Steve again who had stood when she did. “I have to go I’m sorry, my dad was expecting me an hour ago,” 

“It’s alright,” Steve said reassuringly even if he was a bit disappointed that she had to leave. 

“I didn’t realize we’ve been here for three hours,” she said in disbelief looking at the time again. “we should do this again though,” she said quickly as if she didn’t even think about what she said. Her cheeks became a soft pink as she looked up at him. “I mean if you want to,”

“Y-Ya,” he responded instantly excited before coughing “I mean sure that sounds great,” 

“Here,” she said handing him her phone, “Put your number in,” he quickly typed the number and put his name before saving it. Proud of himself for doing it correctly the first time. It was one of the things the team had been helping him work on.

“It was really great meeting you Charlie,” 

“You too Steve, see you later,” she said walking backwards for a moment giving him one last smile and a wave before her and princess were off running again. 

Damn she was fast, Steve thought impressed. Turning around he had a smile on his face that wouldn’t go away and a skip in his step that stayed with him till he got back to the tower. Finding his way into the common room he crabbed some food and sat at the table. 

He wasn’t alone long till Natasha and Clint rolled in coming back from training.

“Hey Cap,” Clint said nodding at him grabbing a water bottle from the fridge, handing one to Nat while he was there. “How was your morning stroll,”

“It was good,” Steve responded vaguely not wanting to give anything away. His date with Charlie…if you could even call that a date was his business and he didn’t want his nosey friends getting in the way. 

The rest of his day went off without a hitch up until that night during their weekly team dinner. 

“Ok everyone can I have your attention,” Tony stated standing from the couch and walking in front of the TV. Natasha paused the show she was watching with a role of her eyes before focusing on him.

“My daughter is going to be visiting the tower in a few days, I want everyone on their best behavior so that I can convince her to stay,” Tony stated before being interrupted by Thor.

“I was unaware you had a child,” The God look genuinely confused as he looked at his team mates.

“Whose drawings do you think I have in my lab?” Tony questioned with a role of his eyes.

“I assumed they were your own,”

“You know what, I’ll come back to the Point Break. Right now, I need to stay on topic,” Tony said before beginning again. “My daughter is my mini me. My pride and joy. My spawn. I want her to feel comfortable here so first thing on the agenda is for her to meet all of you. And what better way to do that then- “ 

“I swear if he says throw a party,” Natasha mumbled softly to Clint. 

“to throw a party!” half of the team groaned as the other half sat contently.

“Are you sure a party is the best way for her to meet all of us,” Bruce questioned. “I mean maybe if she just came to one of our team dinners so it’s more personal.” Nat and Clint nodded agreeing with Bruce. Thor still sat wondering how he had not known that Stark was a father.

“well if she is anything like you Tony, I’m sure she will love it,” Steve finally said getting a smile from Tony.

“Exactly, see Cap gets it people,”

“So, what’s her name?” Steve asked, he knew of the kid just not any details.

“Charlotte,” Tony said getting a smile on his face that the team had never seen before. It reminded Steve of when Tony looks at his finished suits, but almost more loving. 

“well I’m sure we all are very excited to meet her,”

With the announcement, out of the way the team settled back to watching TV and lounging around. Steve sat for one staring at the phone in his hand hoping that Charlie would call him, hell even text him for all he cared. He didn’t know what it was about this girl but he was hoping he would get to see her again.

————- 

Hope yall liked it!

Part 2 will be up some time tonight

Let me know if you want to be tagged in future parts

[iimaginedragons]

blog entry #5 -- oln concert

hi everyone, i know i’ve been a shitty blogger by never posting, y’know, actual blog entries, but hey. i’m here now and i’ve got something awesome to talk about. 

just this morning i was still in montréal after one of the coolest, most energetic, most unique experiences of my life. i returned to ottawa early this morning, feeling half dead with exhaustion, but beyond happy. thanks to my incredible friend who got me and another friend early tickets with a free meet and greet, i got to meet and see the incredible band our last night play an awesome set in the small, loud, and jam-packed venue of théâtre corona.

if you’re a fan of post-hardcore music, our last night is the epitome of this genre (at least, they’re up there with a day to remember). with the perfect balance of screaming and singing (and songs with varying degrees of each) and a totally unique energy to their performances, they are literally perfect and i highly recommend everyone to check them out. everything from “age of ignorance” and onwards is mostly post-hardcore and excellent. 

our last night’s older stuff has been classified as more metalcore and screamo (their albums “the ghosts among us” and “we will all evolve”, which i know little about) and although screamo is not really my thing, i’d like to think that i recognize a talented band when i hear it, so if you like this genre, i recommend you check these albums out as well (don’t get too attached though - they don’t play anything older than “age of ignorance” live).

our last night has four members, whose names i only really memorized yesterday (i’ve known of them for about two years now, but only really became a big fan a few months ago). trevor is the screamer and co-lead singer, along with his older brother matt, who has a slightly higher but very similar voice; hearing the difference between the two can be hard (in fact, i didn’t know certain parts were matt’s until i saw it live in front of me), but for music nerds like me who enjoy analysing songs, it’s a fun exercise. woody, a really cool vegan yogi, plays bass, and tim handles the drums.

one things that made this experience absolutely amazing actually happened before we even got to the show. as my two friends and i were walking down the street and about to enter into a pub, we saw trevor, tim, and two of their stage managers walking down the street in front of us, looking around at the restaurants. out of total shock, we jumped into the pub we weren’t even sure we wanted to go into, and just as we sat down at a table, barely catching our breaths, in came trevor and tim. 

both of my friends and i are painfully shy, and so we sat quietly freaking out for our entire meal while half of our last night casually ate the same food as us about two tables away. we wanted to go see trevor, but felt bad bothering him while he was eating. thankfully, he clued in to the fact that we knew him (i’m pretty sure we were not sneaky in how we stared at him a lot yikes) and came over to talk to us and take pictures. 

it was honestly one of the coolest things that had ever happened to me. when we saw him again later at the meet and greet, he remembered us and made a point to ask us about our meal, about montréal, etc.; overall, he is just such a kind and genuine person, as is woody who we met as well. they both made a point come down near us and smile at us several times during the show. even though we didn’t get to talk to matt or tim, i wouldn’t be surprised if they were just as kind, honest, and overall just real and good people.

personally, i had never been to a post-hardcore concert before, and the energy was awesome and different from anything i had ever lived before. as an eighteen year old girl who does not exactly look very threatening, i have to say i felt a little out of place in the middle of a mosh pit, but hey, i’m always willing to try new things.

trevor’s screaming was even better live than i could have hoped for, and his singing was also great. matt did awesome as well despite being a little sharp on some parts. the band’s stage presence and energy was so raw and powerful, and it was by far the most adrenaline-packed concert i have ever been to. if i had one word for this band, i think it’d just be “badass”, because nothing describes them so fucking well.

if you ever have a chance to see our last night live - which you should, because they tour quite often - please do so. they play small venues and rarely charge over 40$ canadian (after extra fees and often with free meet and greets if you book them online early enough) despite the fact that they could, and they’re honestly so worth it. it’s the best “bang for my buck” purchase that i have ever made.

one more thing: this band’s lyrics have helped me through a lot - in their music, they address everything from structural societal problems, to issues of power, dominance, and control, to mental health crises, to big questions about life and happiness, to persistent feelings of guilt and anger towards others and yourself, to relationship difficulties, and so much more. trevor and matt are genius lyricists. 

prepare to see lots of our last night lyrics on your dash for the next little while, because i’m totally obsessed, and i will be for a while.

[casualarsonist]

The Division review (PC)

Jesus Christ Ubisoft, you really can’t help but kick yourself in the dick, can you? Is it...is it something sexual? I mean, I’m not going to judge you, but it kinda feels like there’s something else going on here. 

<Ubisoft executive masturbates aggressively>

Let’s look at the facts - you put out Watch Dogs and you lied about a whole bunch of shit in the marketing. Then the game comes out and it’s absolutely savaged by the press and public alike because the reality of the game is far from the false hype you built around it. But the interesting thing is that it’s not a bad game, not by a long stretch. It’s a fun third-person shooter with a massive open world and a deep attention to detail, entertaining mechanics (even if it does have a bit of your mindless collecting bullshit scattered around), and some top-notch production values. But you couldn’t have the public believe you were simply releasing a release a ‘good’ game, could you? No, you had to make them believe that you were releasing the BEST game, all the while knowing that the final product wouldn’t meet the promises you’d made. 

I mean, you don’t have to do much to impress us anymore. 

Why did you do that, Ubisoft? Had your CEO made certain commitments to the shareholders about pre-orders and day one sales figures? I genuinely can’t fathom why you would make such terrible, terrible marketing decisions when you had to know that there was going to be blowback - you had to know because you had been there before, hadn’t. Which brings me to the pertinent point: if your methods failed you multiple times before, why did you do it AGAIN?

Because here is The Division - a fun third-person shooter with a massive open world and a deep attention to detail, entertaining mechanics (even if it does have a bit of your mindless collecting bullshit scattered around), and some top-notch production values, and once again you lied about it in the marketing. And once again, when it was released, the game became a pariah - not because it wasn’t a good product, but because you fucked it over before it was even released. It didn’t stand a chance really, not with your ridiculous schemes to deceive the public with an almost sociopathic level of denial and self-delusion. What is it that the villain in one of your own games said about the definition of insanity?

Pictured: Ubisoft.

The Division came out TWO YEARS after Watch Dogs. And you learned nothing. People should have been fired over this. Many high-ranking people should have been fired. 

God damn you, Ubisoft. 

The Division is a third-person sort-of-MMO set in a dystopic near-future New York City. You play a nameless and voiceless agent of The Division - a top secret unit of sleeper agents brought in when the shit well and truly hits the fan. And it has, because NYC has been decimated by a deadly man-made virus transmitted via banknotes on Black Friday. The city itself has been left near deserted but for the scant few civilians who were trapped inside the quarantine, members of the Joint Task Force, and roving bands of gangs and private military soldiers that rob and kill on-sight. Your mission is to do what the normies can’t, venturing into dangerous enemy lairs to procure people, intelligence, or simply the corpses of notorious trouble-makers. 

The city is mapped, as far as I can tell, to a nearly 1:1 scale. The level of detail and effort put into the design is unprecedented; I can honestly say that I’ve never seen anything like this in my life. From the buildings that are meticulously designed inside and out, to the changing weather effects that completely alter the atmosphere of the city, to the destruction, decay, and seasonal decorations littering every single street and alley, it’s almost inconceivable the years of work that must have gone into the production of this.

<I masturbate aggressively>

The enemy leveling is handled intelligently and in such a way that a challenge always remains present, and wandering into a pack of gun-toting psychopaths can and will get you killed most of the time. It keeps you on your toes, and keeps the threat of the city real. The loot system is excellent too, and you’ll find that loot drops just rarely enough for it to feel like a real reward, yet frequently enough for you to always have something to sell or disassemble. 

And while MMOs can often be troublingly unbalanced, rewarding griefers, or forcing you into playing with people who rush the objectives and leave you behind, The Division’s multiplayer elements are not so. For the most part the game is perfectly enjoyable as a single-player-only experience as the difficulty of the main missions can be adjusted to suit those that just want to get through them as well as those that want a real challenge, whilst the base difficulty of the general encounters around the city is just high enough to keep a lone player engaged and excited. You can join other human players at any point, if you so choose, and if you do the game encourages co-operation and teamwork for the most part by carefully and astutely balancing the damage taken and dealt by enemies, making for a challenging and fun multiplayer experience, and punishing players that try to rush ahead by hammering them into the ground. 

The only time in which PvP is forced upon the player is the Dark Zone: a no-man’s-land located in the centre of Manhattan, and cordoned off from the rest of the island by towering walls. The Dark Zone is an anything-goes environment filled with the best loot in the game, difficult computer-controlled NPCs, and (on weekends) human players looking to score some sweet treasure. You can be attacked by humans only if you’re carrying loot yourself, and can traverse the area safely (at least safe from human players) by simply walking around empty handed. However, if you do collect some gear, you can only take it out of the Dark Zone by initiating a timed helicopter extraction at a few select areas of the map. During the two and a half minutes the extraction takes you will often be assaulted by computer controlled enemies, although players in your sector can also see that the extraction is taking place and can either come along and send their gear up as well, or, more commonly, try to kill you and jack your stuff. 

Pictured: How not to be a little bitch.

It is this latter behaviour that has garnered the Dark Zone an infamous reputation - one reviewer called it a ‘failed experiment’. But after enough time playing in the area, you begin to understand the psychology that may drive a lot of this behaviour. The smartest players will always travel in the Dark Zone in groups of two or more as it always pays to have backup on hand, but this doesn’t stop the odd stray player from trying to kill and rob you both. The freedom of the area allows all kinds of behaviour, and those feeling cocky or perhaps even just wanting to experiment with the game’s mechanics can often try to take you down just to see if they can get away with it. And once that’s happened to you a few times, you will begin to learn that in some situations it’s better just to shoot first and ask questions later rather than tolerate a bunch of interlopers that will likely end up shooting you in the back when they have the chance. 

Pictured: Other players in the Dark Zone

Mutually Assured Dickishness doesn’t exactly give the game a pass from all accusations of toxicity, but the roguish nature of the Dark Zone fits perfectly with its narrative context and allows for some incredibly tense and memorable gameplay moments, like the time that a player dozens of levels higher than the area catered to ran rampant, killing everyone on sight and taking what could only be worthless loot for himself. My teammate and I were hunted through the streets as we tried to flee this terrorist, hiding behind cars and in alcoves just praying that he would pass us unknowingly. Or the time that I came across two players who let me attach my gear to their extraction, seemingly uncertain if I had any friends, before attempting to take it when they realised I was alone. I waited around a corner and watched them warily, and once they did try to swipe my stuff I gunned one down before I was killed myself, but not before my gear had been extracted. I came across the same two players at a later time as they rounded a corner to find me standing there with my weapon raised. Knowing that I had outmatched one of them earlier we stood there in a tense stand off before I managed to flee unharmed. Yes, it is more lucrative to venture into the Dark Zone when others aren’t around, but there’s a certain tension that comes with never knowing when you might come across another player, and never knowing if they’re going to be friendly or not, that lends a wonderful sense of threat and challenge to the situation, and makes escaping with loot all the more rewarding.

While the DLC isn’t anything to write home about, the handling of the end-game content is enough to keep me going for at least another dozen more. Beyond the maximum player level the difficulty balances out to a more manageable degree, and the pursuit of the highest ‘gear score’, i.e. a score that denotes the level of quality gear you have equipped, becomes a customisation goal. This gear score is visible to other players, and becomes a good way of judging a threat in the Dark Zone; my gear score is likely the reason I escaped a confrontation unscathed on more than one occasion. The idea that you can intimidate Dark Zone players into not attacking is great, especially when that experience is balanced against memories of being walked over by jerks. And as the Dark Zone inevitably becomes one of the last unexplored areas of the game, the desire to level this gear score up becomes a deeply motivating thing. But even if you don’t wish to indulge that area of the Divison, there are still dozens of hours to devote elsewhere. I mean, I’m 40 hours into a game that I bought for ten pounds and I don’t want to stop, and I think that’s a damn good bargain. The player count isn’t as high as I would sometimes like it to be, especially when I’m trying to get through story missions on a really high difficulty and no-one is responding to my matchmaking calls, but it’s still alive enough to satisfy most social desires. 

Which is why it’s such a shame that Ubisoft do their utter damnedest to shoot themselves in the foot when it comes to marketing their games. The company and its leadership have lost themselves inside a world of meaningless expectations and promises, and long ago lost sight of what really matters to consumers. The bar isn’t set as high as they think it is, and endevouring to make the world think that they’re a bunch of shithead liars is counterproductive, especially when The Division is a standout in a number of ways. In fact, most of their games far exceed the expectations I have of them after the community savages them post-release. Ubisoft can make good games. I just wished they could come back down to earth and trust that we’ll see that. 

8/10

Very Good

[thenighttcat]

on those days when the temperature goes above 36 degrees,

weird stuff starts to happen.

I pretty much suspected today was going to be one of those days when I woke up and the room was hot and I was sticky with sweat. I checked my phone for the time but it was out of batt. Juice probably ran out from the alarm trying to wake me up but me not waking up.

Don’t mind my grammar, weird day is weirding up my language too.

So anyway I woke up not feeling good at all, the kind of in-between feeling you get when you overslept and wake up in the middle of morning that is not the afternoon, so you don’t really know how to start the day. When you get into such a situation, the best thing to do is to use the loo and freshen up, but my dad was in it, so I went to my parents’ bedroom toilet just to find out that my mum was using it, which is probably why my dad was using the living room toilet in the first place, which left me with no toilet to use. I later found out that they ate some weird lagsana last night which has been sending them to the bathroom every few minutes since 3am in the morning, you’d think they’d have released everything by the time I woke up but no they didn’t, which meant I was just waiting awkwardly around in the hallway not sure what to do with myself. You’d think why am I waiting in the hallway and not outside the toilet, and to that I will reply that from the hallway you have a good view of both toilets, so I can leap for either one of them the very moment it is available, plus the hallway has this echo effect that amplifies my voice whenever I call out “are you done yet?”, giving me the volume I need without my vocals having to assert much effort.

The diarhoea situation my parents were having turned out to be more serious than expected, and so I didn’t get to use any toilet in the end. What I got instead was an errand to run. My mum came out limp and pale from the toilet, and told me she needed my help to do something. I said, “What’s that?” to which she replied that she needed someone to collect the cake from a fancy bakery downtown that she ordered for the dinner party tonight. I said “We are having a dinner party?” and she said “Yes,” and then I said “Since when? For who?” but she was too weak and in a foul mood to bother to respond, she told me to stop asking questions and just go collect the cake, she’d message me the address in the family chat group. I wasn’t too happy to say the least about this random abrupt arrangement, not to mention that I wasn’t getting no word of thanks, but I knew better than to argue so I just did it anyway. 

The bakery was at Tanjong Pagar and I drove the family car to go fetch it. I thought: okay, at least there’s consolation in the fact that I get to blast my music on the car’s pretty fine speakers and get away from my house where a really nasty stench was starting to stink up the entire place. But then my sister said she was going to meet her boyfriend at some East Coast cafe and since it’s on the way I should give her a lift. I told her she wasn’t making no sense, that East Coast was completely out of the way and not at all on the way, and that I watched this funny video of this guy who I think might be our future pm talking about some East Coast plan and apparently it went all viral and people started making memes and t-shirts and mugs and crap but that anyway that is besides the point and I’m not making a detour and driving her to meet her boyfriend at some cafe at East Coast, but then my sister hopped into the car anyway and there was no way I could get rid of her and so I caved in and gave her a lift after all. That’s what happens when you’re a pushover, you get ordered by everyone including your bratty little sis. I wanted to play my music, which is like the folky kind, the classical kind and the instrumental kind, but then she says I’m some 50 year old man and she plugged out my phone and plugged in her phone and started blasting her damn korean pop and english pop and all that modern trash, which I couldn’t do anything about because I was driving and if I fought with her the car would crash and we’d both probably die and my parents who raised us all these years will be rendered childless.

While all this was going on, I want to point out that I saw the temperature indicator on the car’s dashboard inching up to around 34 or 35 degrees. Oh man, oh man, I thought, I knew it, temperature is going to burst through 36 for sure, no wonder it’s panning out to such a weird day.

Anyway back to the scene in the car. My sister was blasting her modern trash and I was grumbling and moaning and complaining but with the loud music, what with the crashing cymbals and screaming singers and all, she couldn’t hear me so I just shut up in the end. The air-con was turned all the way up and the fans were on the highest so that they were making the really loud whirring sound, but even so it was still damn hot with the sunlight penetrating through the windscreen and windows and on our faces and into our laps. To top it all off, the traffic was all jammed up and chaotic. At one point there was even this group of trishaw riders hogging the lanes, and if that wasn’t bad enough they were going in the freaking opposite direction I have no idea why, that sucked real bad. And then my sister was saying, “I think I’d have been better off taking the train” which would have pissed me off if I wasn’t already in this super dejected and depressed state and questioning my existence and the meaning of life.

When I finally got back home, the cake had melted and my parents were still in their respective toilets so I couldn’t even get to bathe or anything. I stuffed the cake into the fridge, hopefully it’ll unmelt by dinnertime, then my dog said “hey let’s go for a walk”, to which I replied “no thanks, I’m really tired,” but then she wouldn’t take no for an answer and began barking at the top of her lungs and prancing about all over the place which is her way of threatening to pee and poop all over the place, and obviously I’m going to be the one who has to clear it up and that would suck even more, so I had no choice but to leash her up and bring her to the nearby park. There were a few banglas sitting in the grass under a tree drinking booze. I was feeling really hot so I called out to them, ‘hey throw me some booze,’ and they looked at each other puzzled and confused. I went up to them and asked again with some vigorous gesturing on my part. They probably thought I was some sort of crazy-ass dude, but out of kindness, or maybe, now that I think of it, fear and terror and the desire for me to go away and leave them alone, they gave me some of their booze which tasted really bland and boring like plain water. Then it struck me, oh yeah, it ain’t booze it’s water, I just thought it was booze because I was stereotyping again. Feeling lousy because I was being reproached by my conscience, but more so because of the disappointment of not getting what I expected to be refreshing beer to quench my thirst on this awful 36 degrees hot day, I waved the dudes goodbye and went away with my pooch in tow. On the way back, my dog, hot and tired from the weather and the long walk, threw in the towel and dropped into a lying position refusing to budge. At first I thought it might be dead and tears were coming up to my eyes but then its eyes flickered and then all the sadness went away and instead was replaced with irritation because it was her idea to go for a walk in the first place and now that she’s tired she doesn’t want to move and I’ve got to carry her all the way back. Which I did, and it was damn bloody tiring, and uncomfortable too, what with a furry hot body pressed against your sweaty skin.

This all goes to show, that I’ll probably be migrating soon. With the way global warming is going, and the really weird kind of political leaders a certain country is electing to deal with the crisis, I’m pretty sure we’re going to get many more 36 degree days in the coming years, and in the coming decades, probably 37, 38, 39 maybe even 40 degree days. So yeah, time to start thinking where I should migrate to. I’m thinking Fiji, or maybe Christmas Island. Some far-flung place where global warming can’t reach if that even makes sense.

[up-label]

The 21 Best Events in Denver October 9 Through October 15

Take aim at hitting the annual Man of the Cliff festival in Avon.

There will be plenty of food for thought when LiveWell Colorado presents its inaugural Taste & Talk breakfast at 7:30 p.m. Tuesday, October 9, at Stanley Marketplace, 2501 Dallas Street in Aurora. "There isn’t a person on this planet who isn’t impacted by the food we grow and distribute," says Gabriel Guillaume, president and CEO of LiveWell Colorado. "Food is life; food is health; and while we may all struggle to eat healthy, there are a lot of people here in Colorado who simply can’t access it, can’t afford it, can’t make it available to their own kids." So on the menu for Taste & Talk will be some of the state’s most knowledgeable experts on food justice; they’ll lead conversations throughout the course of the morning, which includes a Snooze-catered breakfast. To learn more and purchase tickets, $50 (proceeds go to organizations fighting for food justice), go to livewellcolorado.org/about/events/taste-talk-breakfast-fundraiser.

Wednesday, October 10

Get an inside look at the thriving studios of Denver artists Tiffany Matheson and JD Pruitt at an Open Studio Party and Art Night hosted on the city’s edge, at the Lumenati film and video production company, 3839 Jackson Street in the Clayton neighborhood. Matheson, a current resident at the Museum of Outdoor Arts, will show off her sculptural and multimedia works, while Pruitt, an illustrator, tattoo artist and writer, will introduce his Art Night concept, which invites other artists to gather in the space regularly to talk about, share and make art. The free party runs from 6 to 11 p.m. on Wednesday, October 10; bring yourself and, if you like, your art supplies. Learn more at the Tiffany Matheson Fine Art Facebook page.

Babette’s Feast will be served at the Flatirons Food Film Fest.

Thursday, October 11

Nothing draws folks together better than food. It’s a language that everyone understands, and it’s delicious, to boot. That helps explain the popularity of the Flatirons Food Film Festival, which moves into its sixth year with a strong schedule anchored by an October 13 tribute to Anthony Bourdain that begins with a street-food reception (Bourdain would approve) and ends with a screening of Babette’s Feast, one of his favorite food-themed films. But there’s much more to do and see, including the opening-night craft-beer extravaganza built around a screening of the documentary Brewmaster on Thursday, October 11. The four-day fest runs through Sunday, October 14, at the Boulder Public Library, 1001 Arapahoe Avenue in Boulder, as well as satellite locations. Purchase a Festival Film Pass for $70 or find tickets to individual events at flatironsfoodfilmfest.org.

Artifacts of adolescence step out of your parents’ attic and onto the stage at Mortified Live!, an evening of storytelling that gently mocks youthful earnestness from the comfortably ironic perch of adulthood. The show’s premise is so simple and direct that it’s easy to see why Mortified has inspired a Netflix special and established regular outposts in over twenty cities: Who doesn’t have a record of their teenage musings that they’re unwilling to dispose of or let anyone see? During the show, which returns to the Oriental Theater, 4335 West 44th Avenue, at 8 p.m. on Thursday, October 11, performers share such embarrassing relics of high school angst as diary entries, love letters, artwork and poetry — the poetry is especially brutal — while a throwback-specializing cover band provides a soundtrack to the shame. Find tickets, $16, and more details at theorientaltheater.com.

You’ll go out of your gourd at the Taps and Tails Bier Hall.

Autumn means different things to different people, but sometimes they converge — at the Denver Zoo’s Taps and Tails Bier Hall, for example, a 21-plus evening mashing up changing colors, harvest-season eats and Oktoberfest brews with spooky, Halloweenish touches. Visit the zoo, on the north side of City Park, to enjoy an all-Colorado pop-up bier hall with brewer meet-and-greets, live entertainment nightly hosted by comedian Janae Burris, food vendors and a chance to explore the spirits in an immersive Enchanted Hollows night walk. The fun runs from 6 to 10 p.m. on Thursday, October 11, as well as the next two Thursdays; find information and tickets, $12 to $20, at denverzoo.org. But act fast: These evenings are sure to sell out.

This festival has the fright stuff.

Friday, October 12

Horror-film fans can enjoy a final fall adventure wrapped up in a scream fest at the Telluride Horror Show, which touts itself as Colorado’s first and longest-running event of its kind. Head for the hills and get a head start on Halloween from Friday, October 12, through Sunday, October 14, at three Telluride locations: the Nugget Theatre, the Palm Theatre and the historic Sheridan Opera House. Twenty feature films and fifty shorts will roll throughout the weekend; a highlight this year is the thirtieth-anniversary screening of the cult classic Killer Klowns From Outer Space, with director Stephen Chiodo on hand. Advance admission is $150 for a three-day pass or $75 for a six-pack; you can also take your chances and vie for $15 tickets for individual events, available at the door after pass-holders have been seated. Learn more at telluridehorrorshow.com.

Nearly a century after Germany and the Allied Powers signed the armistice that brought an end to what was then called the Great War, the Colorado Wind Ensemble joins forces with Voices West to present Songs of Democracy: A Commemoration of World War I. Howard Hanson’s rousing "Song of Democracy," which pairs Walt Whitman verses with a soaring neo-romantic score, forms the centerpiece of a concert program rounded out by Gustav Holst’s First Suite in E Flat, David Gillingham’s "Heroes Lost and Fallen" and Robert Spittal’s "Hymn for Peace." Let your spirits soar at a pair of remembrances: at 7: 30 p.m. Friday, October 12, at Denver’s Central Presbyterian Church, 1600 Sherman Street, and at 7:30 p.m. Saturday, October 13, at Littleton United Methodist Church, 5894 South Datura Street in Littleton. Get tickets, $15 to $18, at coloradowindensemble.org.

Saturday, October 13

As the 40 West Arts District continues to grow, the resident artists of the Glens, Lakewood’s oldest neighborhood — just a mile and a half west of 40 West along Colfax Avenue — invite you to meet them in their natural habitat during the fourth annual Glens Art Walk and Open Studios. Visit with 27 artists in ten home studios in the area from Kipling Street to Wadsworth Boulevard between Colfax and 20th avenues, from 10 a.m. to 4 p.m. on Saturday, October 13. Wares on view, which vary in style and medium, include Halloween folk art, hand-painted silk scarves, jewelry, collages, illustrations, locally sourced honey and even handmade violins. Admission is free; learn more at the Glens Art Walk Facebook page and email glensartwalk@gmail.com for a printable map.

Pupusas originated in Salvadoran home kitchens, where the simple ingredients — pancake-like griddled corn-masa tortillas and a selection of stuffings ranging from melted cheese to beans or meat — are combined by hand, with a little love thrown in. Topped with a heaping pile of curtido (pickled cabbage slaw) and a thin, fiery salsa, pupusas are comfort food of the highest degree: Mom’s home cooking elevated to perfection. To celebrate this earthy national dish, the Salvadoran dance troupe Eco Folklorico Cuscatlan is hosting Pupusa Festival 2018, a cultural and gastronomic event for all ages, on Saturday, October 13, from 10 a.m. to 7 p.m. at the Aurora Cultural Art District headquarters, 1400 Dallas Street in Aurora. Admission is free, but every penny you spend on pupusas will benefit the troupe; find information on the Pupusa Festival 2018 Facebook event page.

Brunch simply wouldn’t be the same without the hangover-abating spiciness of the Bloody Mary, one of the few classic cocktails that thrives — and remains socially acceptable — in the daylight. Celebrate the endless recipe variations inspired by this timeless libation at the Bloody Mary Festival, where some of the city’s most innovative bartenders will vie for the People’s Choice award. Enjoy sample sips of all the contenders from 10:30 a.m. to 6 p.m. on Saturday, October 13, at the Exdo Event Center, 1399 35th Street, when the tri-city tribute to breakfast booze (sister fests take place in Austin and San Francisco) alights upon Denver for a boozy battle royal. Gather your buddies and try all the Bloodys; tickets are $45 plus fees at thebloodymaryfest.com/denver-co-10-13-18.

Nottingham Park in Avon will be overflowing with mountain men during the tenth annual Man of the Cliff. “Nothing says fall like flannels, Carhartts and lumberjacks," notes Amanda Williams, co-organizer of the event. "Man of the Cliff is the perfect opportunity to celebrate the changing of the seasons in the mountains." And also do a little speed-chopping, ax-throwing or keg-tossing — or just sample some of the contents of that keg. Pay $85 in advance (or $100 at the gate) and join in all the competitions you want from 10 a.m. to 5 p.m. on Saturday, October 13, and Sunday, October 14, or just watch for free. And everyone — flannel-clad or not — can enjoy a free concert starting at 5 p.m. Saturday with Drunken Hearts and the Rebirth Brass Band. All proceeds benefit First Descents; sign up and find more information at manofthecliff.com. And as the organizers urge, "Gentlemen, start your beards!"

Prepare to meet your Maker Faire.

The egalitarian DIY maker revolution is upon us, pushing hobbyists and professionals in all sorts of creative enterprises, from robot labs and basement inventors to artists and gearheads. Maker Faire Denver 2018 showcases all of the above, plus dozens of other maker niches in a grand display that shows off the pliability of the human mind with immersive experiences, ever-popular robot wars, drone races, hands-on activities, classic cars, electric cupcake rides, tinkering demonstrations, LEGO workshops and more, ad infinitum. Enter the family-friendly world of makers at the National Western Complex starting at 11 a.m. daily on Saturday, October 13, and Sunday, October 14. Ticket options range from free to $40 in advance at eventbrite.com through October 11, with slightly higher general admission tickets available at the door. Find more info and a complete rundown of attractions at denver.makerfaire.com.

Denver may not be as big of a melting pot as New York, but it’s still home to large communities of people hailing from all around the globe. Don’t believe us? One local nonprofit, Project Worthmore, has served refugees from more than twenty countries over the past nine years, and it will celebrate that diversity at 6 p.m. Saturday, October 13, at Our Neighbors, Ourselves at the Hangar at Stanley Marketplace, 2501 Dallas Street in Aurora. This year’s theme is "The World Within," and the evening will include art, music and theatrical performances that reflect the various cultures represented in Colorado. Tickets are $60, with all proceeds supporting Project Worthmore; learn more at projectworthmore.org.

Some of Denver’s top Latino chefs (many of whom started at the bottom) will be at RISE Westwood, 3738 Morrison Road, on Saturday, October 13, for the inaugural Buen Provecho, a farm-to-table-style dinner to benefit Re:Vision, a nonprofit that works with low-income communities to cultivate a healthy food system. The evening will include dishes from Dana Rodriguez (owner/chef of Work & Class and Super Mega Bien), Jose Avila (co-owner/chef of the three Machete restaurants), Adriana Rondón (El Camino de la Arepa), Edwin Sandoval (owner of XATRUCHO and resident chef at Invisible City), Keigh Crespo (owner of Dos Abuelas @ Finn’s Manor) and Matayas Urban (chef at Leña), among others. “By shining a spotlight on the stories of these successful chefs and immigrants, we are also bringing the focus back to our community in Westwood,” says Joseph Teipel, executive director at Re:Vision. We’ll drink to that — and we can, during the 6 p.m. cocktail reception that precedes the dinner. Tickets are $100, or $175 per couple, at buenprovecho.eventbrite.com.

A decade ago, a group of friends and local musicians in Denver decided to harness the power of music and the people who love it, taking that vision to stages, open-mic nights, coffee shops, street corners, peace marches, protests and, ultimately, classrooms and youth residential treatment centers. The vision of what started as Flobots.org and is now Youth on Record is stronger than ever today, and on Saturday, October 13, community members will celebrate the work of the past decade at 10 Years Strong: A Decade of Amplifying the Voices of Our Youth. Festivities include a gallery retrospective, a silent auction, food and drink and, of course, live performances, including from the Flobots. Doors open at 6:30 p.m. for general admission (5 p.m. for VIP) at the McNichols Building in Civic Center Park; tickets start at $15 at youthonrecord.org.

Local authors are on a roll with small-press releases this fall, and Counterpath has gathered up four of them for a group book launch. Jason Arment, Steven Dunn, Julia Madsen and Nancy Stohlman are all part of Denver’s close-knit literary community, and each has something completely different to offer: Arment’s Musalaheen is an Iraq War memoir; Dunn follows up his acclaimed novel Potted Meat with water & power, a new work that takes on military culture; Madsen offers The Boneyard, The Birth Manual, A Burial: Investigations Into the Heartland, a volume of poetry; and flash-fiction maestra Stohlman introduces Madam Velvet’s Cabaret of Oddities, the written representation of a live performance. Hear them read from 7 to 9 p.m. Saturday, October 13, at Counterpath, 7935 East 14th Avenue; admission is free, and books will be available for purchase. Learn more at counterpathpress.org.

After a star-making turn as Aaron Burr in the original Broadway cast of Hamilton, Leslie Odom Jr. continues to gather accolades. In addition to landing prominent roles in the ensemble casts of Murder on the Orient Express and One Dollar, the multi-talented Odom recently penned the inspirational memoir Failing Up and recorded his debut solo album, Without You. Odom’s songs will sound even sweeter when the Grammy- and Tony Award-winning quadruple threat joins conductor Brett Mitchell and the Colorado Symphony for An Evening With Leslie Odom Jr. at 7:30 p.m. Saturday, October 13, at Boettcher Concert Hall in the Denver Performing Arts Complex. Learn more and get tickets, $29 to $99, at coloradosymphony.org.

Sunday, October 14

There’s more to art collecting than meets the eye, though it’s a habit that often gets started by pleasing your peepers. But once you find something you love, how do you continue capturing an artist’s creative effort through ownership? The hardest part is getting started, experts say, and that’s the reason for JuiceBox Gallery’s Practicing Collecting workshop, the first in a series of events aimed at demystifying the art-collecting ethos with practical, common-sense advice. Join JuiceBox artist/gallerist/entrepreneurs Lucía Rodríguez and Aaron Mulligan and collectors Krista Hanley and Stephanie Edwards for brunch and conversation at 10 a.m. Sunday, October 14, at JuiceBox, 3006A Larimer Street, for a $10 fee; find details at juiceboxdenver.com or @juiceboxdenver on Instagram or Twitter.

Gather with fellow green thumbs at FarmFest 2018, a fun (and furry) way to ring in the harvest season. Packed with such time-honored autumnal diversions as guided hayrides and a pumpkin market, FarmFest is an ideal introduction to the Urban Farm at Stapleton, 10200 Smith Road. Curious kids will enjoy the Denver Public Library-sponsored storybook farm, where farm animals join storytellers for pastoral children’s tales; the day also include a performance by country singer Jesse Cornett for their parents. Support the Urban Farm’s efforts to educate its community on the finer points of horticulture and animal husbandry while having a ball in the fall from 10 a.m. to 6 p.m. Sunday, October 14. All proceeds from ticket sales benefit Urban Farm’s outreach programs, garden maintenance and livestock care; visit theurbanfarm.org or eventbrite.com to buy tickets, $8 to $40, and learn more.

To heck with corn mazes: Folks looking for a rustic family experience need drive no further than Broken Shovels Farm Sanctuary, a safehouse for abandoned and neglected animals at 8640 Dahlia Street in Commerce City. Enjoy some seasonal agritainment and support the sanctuary at the Open Sanctuary Snuggle Day and Projectile Pumpkin Party, an event that’s as much fun for the animals — who love to gobble up broken pumpkins — as it is for you. The fun runs from 1 to 3 p.m. Sunday, October 14; bring a ripe pumpkin and pay a $5 donation at the door for entry to the farm. Learn more at the Broken Shovels Facebook page.

Monday, October 15

Even the constantly expanding universe can hardly contain its love for Neil deGrasse Tyson, a Columbia-educated astrophysicist and director of the Hayden Planetarium who’s emerged as an unlikely yet ubiquitous pop-culture figure. Tyson, who humbly assumed the mantle of his late mentor, Carl Sagan, with Cosmos: A Spacetime Odyssey (a companion piece to Sagan’s mind-blowing 1980 miniseries of the same name), is also a reliably quippy fixture of late-night talk shows and always willing to show up for an amusing cameo in such movies as Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice and The Last Sharknado: It’s About Time. Cosmos may not return until 2019, but you don’t have to wait to see Tyson: At 7:30 p.m. Monday, October 15, he’ll be at the Bellco Theatre, in the Colorado Convention Center, to present An Astrophysicist Goes to the Movies, a good-natured fact-check of cinema that doesn’t necessarily hold up to scientific scrutiny. Get ready to quibble, Star Wars nerds; get tickets, $59.50 to $95, and learn more at denverconvention.com/events.

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[savagegardenforever]

TO THE MOON AND BACK Rolling Stones Magazine - Australia june 1998

All Darren Hayes could think was "This is not happening!" It was a mantra the Savage Garden vocalist kept chanting to himself, but it wasn't taking. The nascent pop star went to take a sip of his Powerade, but then the Edge cracked a joke and Hayes involuntarily laughed, spitting purple liquid all over himself. Supermodel Helena Christensen giggled as the singer coughed and spluttered. The rain clouds were clearing in the aftermath of the Sydeny leg of U2's PopMart tour, and Hayes had climbed the various levels of celebrity patronage - the shitkicker VIP tent; the serious VIP tent where Midnight Oil were rubbing shoulders with Keanu Reeves and Samuel L. Jackson - to here: U2's dressing room, "The Bunker". He was on his own. The other half of Savage Garden, the calm, assured keyboardist Daniel Jones, was back on level two. "This is not happening! This is not happening!" he told himself. When Bono's assistant bought Hayes in, he walked past Adam Clayton and had to remind himself to be cool. But f**k it, there he was, sitting there in the corner wearing a boxing hood and those black wraparound shades: Bono himself. The Fly, McPhisto, the man who wrote "One", the man who'd just left 50,000 people enthralled. Darren Hayes's goldstar was sitting a few metres away. It was happening. Hayes was dripping wet. The Powerade had simply added to the downpour he'd already stood through, dancing at the tip of the catwalk, alongside the other true believers, lost in the music. He'd had the chance to meet Bono the previous August, when PopMart was in Los Angeles. Hayes had been transfixed bu the show but decided not to go backstage. He didn't want to be the millionth hand Bono shaked, another beaming face to be forgotten. It was different now. Over the last year Savage Garden had sold approximatley four million albums around the world - they were on the course to double that - including a phenomenal 800,000 in Australia alone. They'd scooped the 1997 ARIA Awards and had a number one single in America with "Truly Madly Deeply", the first Australian act to do so since INXS with "Need You Tonight" in 1987. But Darren Hayes didn't want to meet Bono because he felt successful. He would never dare compare Savage Garden's achievements to U2. No, Darren Hayes wanted to meet Bono because he was starting to realise the baggage that came with the success. Savage Garden were in the midst of a sold-out national tour and he was starting to feel like he had nothing more to give, that he'd been stretched so thin he would either break in two or simply dissipate. A few nights before, in Tasmania, he'd been asking himself before a show if he could go on, if not tonight, then next week, or next month in New Zealand, or the month after that in Asia, or the looming months beyond that in Europe and America. He was wondering why they'd become a teen sensation, if he could keep his marriage out of the public eye. All of these thoughts were racing through Darren Hayes's mind. And then Bono was looking at him, gesturing for him to come over and talk ...

Let it be said again: Savage Garden are a phenomenon. Together with the Spice Girls they have spearheaded the return of pop music to the top of musical charts around the world, giving focus to the desires and needs of a generation of teenage, on the whole female, fans. But behind all this is two young men from suburban Brisbane. Polite, inquistive young men who worry a lot about what's happening to them, how they should handle success, how they can prove that their brand of pop is one which will mature and grow, which will reach for resonance and a sense of belief. When I first meet Savage Garden they are preparing to have thier photo taken. It is a Saturday afternoon and Savage Garden are standing in a Sydney hotel suite, looking at clothes, prior to shooting new press shots for America. On the Sunday and Monday, with a show also scheduled on Sunday night, they're to shoot a high-budget clip for the US release of "Break Me Shake Me". Hayes is wearing all black, most noticeably a pair of jeans armour-plated with PVC. With his locks now cropped, his dewy features have lost some of their femininity. He moves around constantly, even if he fights the flu, breaking into snatches of song, delving off into varied topics of conversation without warning. Now he's appraising outfits. "How much is this stuff?" he asks the stylist, who's lacing up Hayes's boots for him. "$290 for the top and $220 for the pants, less 10%," comes the reply. Hayes pauses, then snorts. "Tell 'em to get f**ked," he retorts. Sitting on a bed, patiently having his makeup done, Daniel Jones laughs. The keyboardist is tall and rangy, with blond, spiky hair. Up close, you can see the handful of acne scars which pit the right side of his face. When he smiles, which he does often for someone so observant and low-key, his angular face becomes quite disarming. He watched the PopMart show at the mixing desk, standing beside Helena Christensen. "I said hello and then spent the rest of the show trying to smell her," he notes, grinning broadly. Because they own their very successful records - they only lease them to Roadshow Music in Australia and New Zealand and Sony Music for the rest of the world - Savage Garden have a degree of control most bands can only dream of. "There's not one cent spent, not one colour used on a front cover that we don't approve," Hayes later explains. "It's very comforting." Right now, Savage Garden are working it for photographer Robin Sellick's camera. Hayes is a natural, staring off into the middle distance while standing in the foreground, masking his face in the very definition of broodiness. Jones stands behind him, biding his time for a practice he clearly doesn't place a great deal of faith in (although he's never less than professional). As the shoot moves from hallway to penthouse, Hayes takes front and centre in every shot. "I'm always aware that I'm in the front in every photograph, but it's not because I step in front of him," he says. "Daniel takes two steps back. People just assume I'm an egomaniac." The first album that both Hayes, age 25, and Jones, age 24, bought was Michael Jackson's Thriller. George Michael is a name they both mention with respect. Out in the suburbs of Brisbane both youngsters were pop fanatics, giving vent to their obsessions. Jones was so taken with the video for "Thriller" that he and a friend started digging graves behind his house so they could recreate the video; he even began work on making the famous red jacket. Hayes went one better: he built a paper maché ET and rode around with it in the basket of his bike. But the divergent paths the two took towards Savage Garden illustrate the differences between them. By the time he was 13, Jones was more interested in making music than listening to it. He'd started buying keyboards and sequencers, creating musical beds for songs. On the New Year's Eve of 1989, aged 15, he did his first two gigs back to back, with a covers band, and walked away with $400. He never went back to school after that. Financially astute, by the time he was 17 he owned his own PA, which he regularly loaded in and out of every pub and club in Queensland. "I kind of miss those moments," Jones recalls. "I enjoyed some of those innocent pressures more than these serious ones." Darren Hayes had far more trouble realising his dreams. "My whole life," he declares, "being a singer or performer was all I ever wanted to do." But growing up in one of Brisbane's rougher suburbs didn't make this easy. There's an undercurrent of anger in Hayes when he describes those years, as if he's still upset at how people tried to deny his dreams. "Most people I went to school with had two babies before they were 20. One guy is in jail for armed robbery. Another one died in a car crash while on cocaine. Another one is a pimp. That was the level of my peers. I didn't know a single person who was even a singer. My family weren't that encouraging - which is not a criticism - but my career choice was the most alien thing you could do in my family." Hayes started studying journalism at university, but then threw it in. "My mission was to be a star," he remembers, speaking with an earnestness which can easily veer into melodrama. With his then girlfriend, a fellow Madonna fanatic, the pair auditioned for theatre college. "I got in, she didn't, so I gave it all up for her. And three months later she dumped me. I was gutted." Hayes started a Bachelor of Education majoring in Primary School Teaching, "something I did not have a drop of passion about." Still obsessed with his dreams of fame, he was sitting in a lecture in 1992, reading a Brisbane street paper, when he saw a "Singer Wanted" ad for a local covers band, Red Edge. Replying to the ad he found himself in a band room, being stared down by Jones and the rest of the band. Red Edge didn't know any of Hayes's favourites, while the prospective vocalist ("I always knew I could sing, I knew I had soul") hated their Oz rock/top 40 repertoire. He sang a piece from Little Shop of Horrors, and even though his voice broke halfway through, he was in. It was not an easy adjustment. Hayes is not technically inclined, and he perversely refused to learn the words to the band's set, relying on lyrics sheets instead ("I still don't know the words to 'Khe Sanh'," he announces with pride). The experience, he concludes, was "hideous". Hayes is walking down a corridor to a meet and greet. In the lounge, Hayes is joined by Jones, fresh from dinner. Five girls - before some shows the number has been as high as 50 - appear breathless and nervous. There's nothing studied about teen hysteria, it has an immediacy which distances it from the adult world. Savage Garden are comfortable with it. "So, would you like us to sign some stuff?" asks Jones genially. Tickets, CDs and a stuffed bear are produced. Photographs are taken. One of the girls is red in the face because she's not taking in enough oxygen. "You all go to school, don't you?" asks Hayes. The girls indicate yes. "Well let me give you a lesson about school. All the kids that were popular end up on the dole with babies. All the nerds end up pop stars." "Hey!" retorts Jones. "I was never a nerd." "Darren is brutally honest, even to himself," answers Jones when asked to describe his bandmate. "Sometimes he's his own worst critic. He's so honest that anything he's feeling comes to the surface, which really helps clear the air in the type of intense relationship we have. He reminds me of a kid, not in a bad way, but in his naivity." Asked the same question, Hayes replies, "He's probably the most intelligent person I've ever met in my life. He doesn't say anything unless he's thought it through and it's right. It might take him two or three days, but he'll come to you and say, 'I think you look really insecure when you do that. I'm just being honest.' And you'll go red because he's absolutley right. Intelligent. Calm and confident. He's devoid of insecurity." When U2 brought the Zoo TV tour to Australia in 1993, Red Edge was scheduled to play a residency in Alice Springs. Darren Hayes didn't have to think for long. He left the band. But the other thing he was pondering was writing songs with Daniel Jones. The two had slowly developed a rapport, and Hayes was impressed that Jones and several other band members already had a music publishing deal. The actual songs, however, he hated. "They were watered down 1927," he laments. "It wasn't really my thing," says Jones. "But then I hooked up with Darren and left that band." The pair began to experiment. Happily working by himself at home, Jones would create the musical backing, Hayes would suggest refinements and then add his vocals. The fourth song they wrote together was their astral retooling of "She's Leaving Home", "To The Moon & Back," and afterwards they knew they were on to something. "I turned around," says Jones, "and said, 'This is as good as anything out there. It's as good as U2, or a Seal song - the benchmarks.' That's when we became really serious." Savage Garden's five song demo - the duo envisaged themselves as a studio project and were heavily influenced by U2's Atchung Baby - was well-recieved, although the pair were disheartened by the amount of music industry players whose first queries to them were, "What do you look like?" and "Can you dance?" The duo eventually signed with veteran manager John Woodruff (Baby Animals, Diesel, Icehouse) in 1995 and he remains the linchpin of the Savage Garden organisation and their business partner. It was a relationship forged in adversity. Because they couldn't get a record deal (whether because no one could see the band's potential or because no one was willing to give Woodruff a deal for his own record label is unclear), Woodruff self-financed the album, bringing the pair to Sydney for eight months to record at the home studio of veteran producer Charles Fisher )Hoodoo Gurus, 1927). Hayes first choice for a producer was George Michael. Living in a Kings Cross Hotel on a diet of noodles and missing their families, Savage Garden struggled to finish their album. Their doubts were constant, their aims shifting each month. Woodruff licensed the album to start-up label Roadshow Music, whose early signings had been anything but auspicious. Their first single, "I Want You" - a Hayes tale about an extraordinarily vivid dream where he met and fell in love with someone so deeply that when he lost them upon waking he became depressed - was released in June 1996. "What makes me laugh about our record is that we couldn't get a deal, so we signed to the joke of the industry, Roadshow," Hayes explains. "We had dodgy artwork, dodgy videos. We had trouble getting airplay at the start. Basically, we fulfilled every criteria to be unearthed by Triple J." [Triple J is an Australian youth radio station that plays alternative music] "The day I realised how commercial we were was the day I realised that Triple J didn't playlist 'I Want You'. I was thinking that it would be an indie-pop hit that they'd play. Then it was like, 'Actually, you're the most played band on the Austereo network.'" He pauses, then smiles. "And I'll take that any day." The band did their first in-store appearance as "I Want You" climbed to number three on the charts. "All these 13 and 14-year-olds turned up, screaming 'Darren! and 'Daniel!'" remembers Jones. "I was like, "Oh f**k!' I didn't want to go through that." By the time "Moon & Back" and then "Truly Madly Deeply" had gone to number one, to be followed by their self-titled debut album in March 1997, Savage Garden had acclimatised to their new surroundings. Hayes and Jones make no bones about making commercial music, but under that banner they see a world of subtle differences. "I think the best pop is the one that shoots from the hip," asserts Hayes. "What troubles me sometimes is that we've always wanted to be completely true to ourselves, but people always assume that since we make pop music it has to be calculated and all about marketing. It was never that. There are a lot of pop bands and vocal bands which just aren't real. They're not coming from a real place." "What's so magical about the record we made is that it's so innocent and earnest. It went out there and said this is what we want to be. We didn't care about hip or cool. It was unassuming. I think we write really good pop songs, we have a great ear for a melody and we have a directness when it comes to emotion." Savage Garden's show is mildly choreographed, well-designed and given to U2 homages (which Hayes happily admits to) that the young audience (seeded with the over-30s brought in by "Truly Madly Deeply") scream along to. With just one album and a handful of b-sides to draw on, there are noticeable low points. But live, Savage Garden are a guitar band. Jones plays more guitar than keyboards, while their stage sound is fleshed out by a rhythm section, extra guitarist and backing singers. "I think we're a pop band desperatley wanting to be a rock & roll band and I think that's what's funny about us," claims Hayes. The strangest moment is when Hayes, who has so much desire and extreme emotion projected at him from an audience he works relentlessly, dedicates a song to his wife, Colby. Fans want their pop stars to be free and magical, not married with a home in the Brisbane suburbs. Hayes is vocal on every topic bar one: his wife of three years. "I think it's strange to be young and married," he says, choosing his words carefully. "Imagine being young and married and a pop star. It's tough. We refuse to be an example pf a happy marriage to anyone. The reason I very rarely talk about Colby or do a Women's Weekly spread about our new glamour house is that it's hard enough being married without being a celebrity couple. When you're happy together they love you, but Jesus, when there's problems they don't care, they tear you to bits. And I'm not ready for that." Both Hayes and Jones (who is also in a long-term relationship) decided from the start not to discuss their private lives with the media. On their first tour in May 1997 a tabloid journalist who wanted to follow up his interview with Hayes with a quick phone chat was directed by Woodruff to call him on his mobile: "His wife Colby has it." "The next day he writes some article in the paper: 'Exclusive: Singer Tries to Hide Wife!'" spits Hayes, recalling the spectre of John Lennon, who really did keep his first marriage a secret under management orders. "When did I ever say I wasn't married? When did I ever say I wanted to talk about my private life? What the f**k does it matter? Is my music different because I have a wedding ring?"

For one second I knew what it was like to be Savage Garden. After their solf-out show I leave the Entertainment Centre. Their road manager directs me out the door to the car park. As soon as I open it the 500 fans awaiting the band's departure scream in anticipation. It is electrifying, even a little scary. But when they see it's only an anonymous figure, 500 fans go, "Ohhhhh." Pop music is a cruel, cruel mistress. Last October, the flight to Sydney for the ARIAs, where they would clean up 10 awards, Daniel Jones told Darren Hayes that he couldn't take it anymore and that he was ready to leave Savage Garden. The music, which is all Jones really cared about, had been overtaken by promotion. Instead of being allowed to hide away in a recording studio, Jones was giving 40 interviews a day in America, traipsing across Europe miming on TV shows in every country. "It was pissing me off. Music was becoming more about talking about it than actually making it. I had to get back to the studio. I enjoy it and I miss it. The whole moster size of this machine takes it away from you," he notes. "The whole pep talk I now give video directors and photographers is that I don't want to be up the front. I've drawn a line for myself, and that's the compromise I had to make to deal with being in this band. Now everyone understands what it is about these two people. One wants to be here, the other wants to be here." He holds up his hands to indicate the difference, the gap between them is a metre wide. "That's the deal we made around the time of the ARIAs, but to be honest I think I've always done it," claims Hayes later. "I've always been lumbered with it because everyone assumes I love it. And lately I'm the one saying I want out, I can't do this anymore. If we ever broke up it would be because one of us wanted to be George Michael and one of us wanted to be Dave Stewart." Right now though, the topic the pair are focusing on is their next album. "We matured faster than the album," Jones says. In their mid-20s now, they're not always comfortable playing the songs they wrote as 19 and 20-year-olds. At the end of their concert Hayes tells the cheering crowd, "We have to go away now and think it all up again." "It's seriously not about chart position," clarifies Hayes. "I want a career, so if it sells half as well as this one, thank you, I'll take that. I believe a career is about ups and downs. It shouldn't be a steady gradient. The next record has to be true to itself. It won't be a knee-jerk reaction to critics. To turn around and make a Portishead album would be a big mistake. We'll f**k around with technology, we'll f**k around with drumbeats. We're courting William Orbit at the moment, because we heard the new Madonna record and I thought, 'I like what you added to that record. You added spice and flavour without taking over.' And that's what we're looking for. We want to grow up a little bit. And we're prepared to do whatever it takes." Darren Hayes was thinking that Bono was a wise old man, a wizard. The icon was talking about life, how he searches every day for new inspiration, music, their show, and Hayes was rapt, once more the little boy in love with a mysterious extra-terrestrial. And then he started to tell Bono how he felt, like a rag doll that had been twisted around too much. How sometimes after a show he considered himself a prosititute because he had to give so much from his soul to every person in the room. Bono leaned closer to Hayes and grabbed his hand, putting it to his chest. Hayes could feel the pulmonary kick of the Irishman's heartbeat. And then he spoke: "As long as the music comes from here," he said, pushing Haye's hand harder against his chest, "then it's going to scream louder than any of the kids will." And for the few seconds that followed, Darren Hayes felt at peace with himself.