#there’s so much stigma against people with addictions

[glittertimes]

I shouldn’t have to actively fight to not get addicted to things! Like why are things that are addictive so easily accessible to me!

[wishcamper]

Nesta, Interrupted: gendered perceptions of alcoholism in ACOSF

CW: addiction, sexual assault, gendered violence.

Creds: I’m a licensed counselor with a degree specialization in treating addiction. I have career experience with multiple modes of mental health, trauma, and substance use treatment in women-specific carceral, institutional, and healthcare settings. And I know anyone can come on the internet and say that, but I pinky promise.

The short version:

ACOSF stigmatizes alcoholism in line with cultural standards.

Western culture feels differently about female and male alcoholics due to systemic sexism, and thus treats them differently.

Women’s experience of alcoholism is often compounded by or even a result of systemic factors and intersectional identity.

Nesta’s treatment in ACOSF, while repugnant, is in many ways very accurate of attitudes today.

(I’ll be using “women/men” and “male/female” to denote cis afab and amab people. Little research exists on the experiences of queer, nonbinary and gender expansive considerations in addiction and recovery, which is a fuckin’ shame. Studies are also largely conducted with white participants due to enormous barriers to treatment for Black, Indigenous, and people of color, so this convo is inherently incomplete where it neglects those intersections.)

Okay, first things first: ACOSF is a book that stigmatizes alcoholism. I will not be taking questions.

The number one thing to understand is that in America, land of Miss Sarah, we are very bad at addiction treatment (tx). Why? Because our culture hates addicts has as stigma around addiction. And female alcoholics bear a very specific set of stigmas based in their identity.

In Susanna Kaysen’s memoir Girl, Interrupted , Kaysen’s character is institutionalized following a non-fatal suicide attempt. When evaluated, she’s diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, that bastion of diagnoses perfect for people (75% of whom are female-identified) who don’t fit into our polite definition of functioning. As the book unfolds, she reflects on how (white) women are often pathologized when they buck against systems of oppression that create the dysfunction in them in the first place. That is not to say other women in the institution are not genuinely in need of help, nor that mental illness in women is always from a systemic wound. But it’s crucial in the treatment of female addiction and mental health disorders to considered the systemic factors of gendered violence and patriarchy, and the attitudes we hold about women who struggle with drinking.

Think about female alcoholics in media. If she’s young, she’s a loose, reckless sl*t looking for trouble and deserving of the reality check when she finds it (Amy Schumer in Trainwreck, Lindsay Lohan in general). Or if the woman are older, they are discarded, or gross, or pathetic, or evil like anyone Faye Dunaway played or Eminem’s mom in 8 Mile (deep cut lol). Men are afforded a much larger spectrum of experiences and struggles - Ernest Hemingway, Leaving Las Vegas, Sideways, the dude from A Star is Born, Frank from Shameless (brilliant), frat boys, blue collar workers, introspective tortured artists, fucking IRON MAN. I could go on forever, but I hope that illustrates the depth and diversity of male-centric stories of alcoholism not often afforded to women.

One of the most empathetic and accurate portrayals of female alcoholism, in my opinion, is in the show Sharp Objects (the book, too, but actually witnessing it makes a difference). We see Amy Adams’ Camille swig vodka from an Evian bottle while fending off vicious, veiled attacks from her verbally and emotionally abusive mother and experiencing flashbacks of teenage sexual assault. We watch her struggle to find emotional safety in her conservative hometown, both wanting to fit in and get out in order to survive. We GET why she drinks and I have trouble blaming her for it even as she wreaks havoc on herself and others. We can see her clawing just to make it out alive, and alcohol is the tool she’s using to do it, for better or worse.

Which is where Nesta enters the chat. When we get our first glimpse of her alcohol use is ACOFAS, it’s portrayed as something everyone knows about but that she’s still mostly keeping it together - her dress is clean, her hair is neatly braided, she doesn’t need a chaperone to show up to a family event. The deterioration between ACOFAS and ACOSF is alarming, and we know that alcoholism is a progressive condition so that tends to happen. Was there a particular trigger? That’s hard to say. Solstice certainly didn’t help, especially with the pressures to perform and conform to the standards of the Inner Circle aka the people in power. I imagine seeing her sisters bouncey and reveling in the world that stole them and killed their father was probably.. tough, to say the least. The barge party seems to be a turning point as well, though this one is more confusing to me. But given the child abuse, extreme poverty, sexual assault, kidnapping, bodily violation, witnessing her father’s murder, almost dying, WAR - and that’s not even to mention essentially becoming a refugee - it would be amazing if she DIDN’T drink. She 100% has complex trauma, and is looking for ways to cope.

No one with full capacity dreams of becoming an addict when they grow up. Addiction, in my professional and personal experience, is largely a strategy for coping with a deeper wound. People don’t drink to feel bad. They drink to feel good, and to survive. Nesta herself is drinking to survive, but it’s having the unfortunate side effect of killing her at the same time. As she slides into active addiction, the thought of her own death may even be comforting, and alcohol in that way is her friend. (There's some interesting research right now framing addiction as an attachment disorder, but I don't know enough to speak on it much.)

So she obviously needs help. That’s not a debate. What is a debate is how the IC should best go about intervening. A variation on the Johnson method is used in ACOSF (the one from the show Intervention) and appears to be successful only because they threaten her if she doesn’t comply. This method has mixed data to support it, and while it’s very good at getting people into tx, there is a higher relapse rate for those who receive it (1). The “family” gathers and tells her the ways she’s hurt them and tell her the consequences if she doesn’t seek the help they’re offering. And again, so many of their reason are the effects on THEM, how she’s making THEM look, not her pain.

The IC’s ignorance and dismissal of her alcoholism in ACOSF is frankly mystifying. Why do they intervene on all the drinking and sexing, anyway? It seems like they’ve been fine enough with it up to this point. But now it's gone too far, not because of her illness but because she is embarrassing them. And I don’t know about you, but between Cassian apparently fucking half of Velaris and Mor’s heavily documented emotional drinking, that’s hard to square. It makes it feel much more likely that they don’t like the way she is coping, that she is not fitting into their picture of who she’s supposed to be. This picture is inherently gendered, because Prythian society and those who live in it have explicit and implicit expectations of gender roles, whether they’ll admit it or not. Cassian and Mor are playing their roles well; Nesta is not.

That leads me to believe it is NOT all about her, but the systemic and internal factors influencing their perception of her and the ways she’s struggling. It’s distasteful to them for her, a female, to be deteriorating this publicly, despite the fact that her very identity makes it harder for her to function in the patriarchy of Prythian. We hear almost exclusively about sexual violence against women, aside from 2 male characters. Past or present assault of women is a major plot point on multiple occasions (Mor, Gwyn, Nesta, Emerie, Rhysands mom and sister, the lady of autumn, Cassians mom, Azriels mom, I could go on). But something about the way Nesta is contending with that is unacceptable, and I believe it’s because she’s not trying to cover up her dysfunction. In prythian, we keep these things hidden- Mor’s assault is never processed in full, Azriel’s mom seems to be alone at Rosehall, priestesses are literally hidden inside a mountain for centuries. Women process trauma alone and in the dark, but Nesta is in the light and she is loud. She is refusing to hide her problems, and the IC don’t like that, whether they realize it or not.

So why don’t the IC understand this? Like I said earlier, as a culture we hate addicts, or what they stand for, in very much the same way I think we hate people experiencing homelessness. We convince ourselves it was a series of bad choices that led someone where they are, choices we would never make because we are smart, smarter than them. We believe are more in control than that. We can prevent bad things from happening to us because we are good, because we are better than whoever it’s happening to. But the reality is almost ALL of us are one hospital stay away from homelessness, just as all of us are one trauma away from addiction. And with female addicts, we have another layer of expecting women to only struggle nicely and quietly, or to go away. Intersectional factors are at play here, too: white women are much more likely to have alcoholism attributed to mental health and trauma factors, where people of color often suffer the same addiction being more associated with crime. You can imagine how that plays out differently.

So what is the effect of all this? Gendered expectations lead to not only external stigma around addiction and tx, but also to internalized stigma which can limit willingness to seek tx. (2) Many social forces encourage women to drink and discourage them from telling anyone. Factors such as poverty, family planning, access to education, racial discrimination, and location can make services harder to access. Internally, women are more likely to enter treatment with less confidence in their ability to succeed, but report more strengths and more potential to grow recovery strengths during and following tx. For men, the pattern is reversed (3). And women have more successful tx episodes overall when gendered considerations are a part of the design and implementation of services (4). For Nesta, the effect is that she’s forced into treatment and copes by having hate sex with her ex and changing herself to conform to her family’s expectations while the House and the Valkyrie’s actually take care of her. I do not see how Sarah drew the line from there to recovery, I truly don’t. If anything, she recovers in spite of the ICs intervention, not because of it.

In summary, Nesta Archeron deserved better. Nesta deserved the same compassion the book gives to men who are struggling, and it’s a reflection of not just the book’s culture but the author’s culture that she doesn’t get it. Female alcoholics are worthy of treatment that integrates their identities, as those identities are often essential factors contributing to their addiction. What's shown in ACOSF is a reality many women live, and they shouldn't have to.

Barry Loneck, James A. Garrett & Steven M Banks (1996) The Johnson Intervention and Relapse During Outpatient Treatment, The American Journal of Drug and Alcohol Abuse, 22:3, 363-375, DOI: 10.3109/00952999609001665

Groshkova T, Best D, White W. The Assessment of Recovery Capital: Properties and psychometrics of a measure of addiction recovery strengths. Drug Alcohol Rev. 2013;32(2):187–94.

Best D, Vanderplasschen W, Nisic M. Measuring capital in active addiction and recovery: the development of the strengths and barriers recovery scale (SABRS). Subst Abuse Treat, Prev Policy. 2020;15(1):1–8.

Polak, K., Haug, N.A., Drachenberg, H.E. et al. Gender Considerations in Addiction: Implications for Treatment. Curr Treat Options Psych 2, 326–338 (2015). https://doi.org/10.1007/s40501-015-0054-5

[pokegyns]

some thoughts:

i think radical feminism is antithetical to transgender ideology. i think we should still treat trans people as people and not be disgusting towards them, but trans ideology is still inherently misogynistic and patriarchal. so i don’t understand “trans inclusive radical feminism”… what are we including? people who believe sex based oppression isn’t real? people who believe in “trans misogyny”? people who “identify” with gender roles that have oppressed women for centuries? people who medicalise gender nonconformity? people who believe homosexuality is bigoted?

these ideologies don’t belong in radical feminism simply because they are anti feminist. so therefore radical feminism is inherently trans exclusionary and i refuse to believe that’s a bad thing.

obviously detrans women and women experiencing sex or gender dysphoria who aren’t trans aren’t included as trans ideologists i’m talking about.

there is so much misinformation and stigma surrounding transness on radblr, and just lack of information. it can be confusing being on the outside looking in! as a detrans woman who's often assumed to be firmly against transition, instead of how i'm highly critical of it and want safety measures within the community to be put in place to prevent detransitions and unhealthy transitions and misplaced identification... i think it's very easy to forget that dysphoria is a mental disorder and trans rights are a mix of gnc rights and disability activism / mental health advocacy. and as most of us know, radblr has a HUGE problem with rampant ableist ignorance.

the trans community is split in two, with some sharing both sides.

there's the dysphoric side, where there needs to be discussions on how to manage a complex disorder and not shame people for trying out different healing treatments. i want to erase the stigma of people with disorders, dysphoria included, choosing treatments that at times carry risks. this can be pain medication with potential addiction, or transition treatments or psych meds that potentially come with side effects and just might not help you in the end. i also hate how neurodivergent/mh communities can turn toxic fast, but i still am glad people can share their experiences with others, find people's stories in battling a disorder and gain more mental stability. this includes dysphoric people for me. as a physically and mentally disabled woman, my dysphoric trans activism is also my disability activism. and my detrans side gives me a complex perspective, because for me, it turned out to be the wrong treatment. some people are anti-psych because meds fucked them up instead of helping them. i am psych critical, because meds saved my life.

i am all for them exploring their treatment options, physical transition included, as long as they're educated on the risks and prepared for potential reverse dysphoria. the tra community handles that in a SUPER inappropriate, unhealthy, and honestly dangerous way and they're shooting themselves in the foot bc they don't push for better healthcare, leading to more detransitioners, leading to more trans stigma.

now on the other side, the term trans (and nonbinary, since not all nonbinary ppl identify as trans) for some can simply be a label to find likeminded gnc people, enjoy a punk-adjacent subculture focused on breaking gender roles and pissing off the patriarchy, and simply enjoying crossdressing and using terms that makes them happy.

dysphoric people still exist, and dysphoria is debilitating. it's a complex issue. for some, dysphoria is more neurodivergent, and it just is stubbornly staying and so they look for more intensive treatments. for others, it's more like a mental illness, and the condition can be treatable and may come from gender roles. and even if a specific person had a root cause for their dysphoria that relates to the patriarchy, i still wouldn't judge them for transitioning if it seems like it's just not going away no matter how hard they try. just like how i'm wary of people going on hardcore, addictive pain meds, or try treatments that come with risks for their physical health, but i know it helps many people and i don't want the option off the table. they are suffering. i care deeply. i fucking hate reverse dysphoria, but i hate ableism even more. i hate the stigma of disorders and the shaming of mentally ill & neurodivergent people, people with mental disorders, including dysphoria as is listed in the DSM.

i know the trans community is confusing. frustrating. often immature. people who are mentally suffering are often not in the right mind to do realistic, down-to-earth activism, but god knows they try and like in neurodivergent activism spaces it can get unhinged in a unique kinda way. we can call out their sexism, their homophobia, their misogyny, without resorting to ableism and transphobia - aka, what imo is a mix of ableism and gncphobia.

dysphoric people deserve healthcare reform. tras keep fucking things up for homosexuals and female/afab people and just make fools of themselves. radfems, esp non-detrans bio women, are often out of touch when it comes to trans issues.

it's easy to resort to extremist views on these things. it can be easier to embrace black-and-white thinking. but it's not the way, trust me! there are grey areas. we need reform, not the destruction of transness being a concept at all, whether it be the gnc subculture or the dysphoric side of it. there are a fuckton of trans issues to tackle. it's okay to be frustrated, to feel hurt, to be worried, to think maybe transness shouldn't be recognized as anything and those people should just be poked out of it somehow. but you can't just force someone's brain to be neurotypical, or cis/non-trans, or take away labels that feel meaningful to some folks even if you find them silly. it's counterproductive. the trans community has a lot of flaws, but it's a puzzle that can be figured out! please hear out trans radfem & nuancefem voices on this as well <3

-mod pikachu ⚡

[ohisms]

↪     𝑬𝑵𝑫𝑳𝑬𝑺𝑺 𝑾𝑶𝑵𝑫𝑬𝑹 .    (  a  series  of  sentence  starters  from  season  5  of  syfy’s  “ warehouse 13 ” .  adjust  phrasing  as  necessary . )

nothing to worry about on this end .

keep me posted .

i’ve got another idea .

wait ,  wait ,  wait . . .

i’m not a total idiot .

look ,  [ name ] ,  that’s not what matters right now .

drive .  okay ?  just . . . drive fast .

of all the illegal things i’ve done ,  this is probably the least illegal .

we are not talking about that !

are you kidding me ?!

i’m gonna need another pair of hands .

i’ve got a plan i’m absolutely certain will work .

not cool !  not cool !

oh my god ,  what a great idea ,  [ name ] !  wish i’d thought of that !

i’ll explain later .

[ name ] , what just happened ?

i want him dead .

i just think we should make an informed decision .

heartbreaking ,  isn’t it ?  when someone you loved and thought you knew turns out to be someone else ?

the question is ;  are you with me ,  or are you against me ?

hey !  what’d you do that for ?

there goes our element of surprise .

you have no idea what you’re giving up .

so ,  sue me .  i didn’t want you to die .

stop staring at me !

this way i can keep an eye on you .

patience ,  and all will be revealed .

follow my instructions for a change .

are you busy tonight ?

i will cut you .

now if you’ll excuse me , i have to get ready .

do you want to tell me the truth , this time ?

i don’t need you to protect me .

should i ignore the fact that that sounds insane ?

you’re lying , it makes no sense .

i haven’t hurt anyone .

there’s no way i’m leaving you like this .

you have been lying to me .

i haven’t forgotten about  [ name ] .

a little bit dramatic ,  don’t you think ?

okay ,  your life is worse .  congrats .

there’s no need to close that door forever .

can we stop talking about this and just get back to work ?

how about we just start with this ?

hopefully you’ll understand why i did what i did .

i told you i’d be back .

despite everything [ name ] told you ,  you’re here anyways .

life is shorter than you ever think .

i think a little danger is worth it ,  don’t you ?

please note that i didn’t say anything about how dangerous that would be .

you take one hand ,  i’ll take the other ?

what’s so important ?

i’m not blaming you ,  i just wanna know what happened .

i don’t understand .  where am i ?

listen ,  there was -   there was a car accident .

no way ,  come on .  i don’t believe you .

we’re gonna talk everything through from the very beginning .

i have the feeling this is gonna take awhile .

don’t worry about it .  i’ll take care of  [ name ] .

i didn’t have very much when i came here ,  so i guess i’m kind of trying to make up for that .

the internet’s still around ?

i gotta say ,  i’m really hating this .  i just ,  nothing feels real .

i’m just gonna wake up and be me again .

this cannot be my life !

please stop saying it’s gonna be alright because it’s not !

i was in a mental institution .

not to outdo you ,  but crazy girl carries a lot more stigma .

my strongest memories of you have to do with that guitar .

oh ,  boo - hoo ,  what .  is .  the .  plan ?

did you not hear me say very ,  very carefully ?!

this place is about as secure as a kiosk at the mall .

do not snap at me ,  okay ?

do you have any enemies ?  anyone who might want to hurt you ?

am i doing all these things with my mind ?!

i haven’t cursed anyone in years .

weren’t you nervous to play in front of people ?

let’s just say i’m addicted to more than just coffee .

would you play for me ?

since you missed the concert ,  i thought we could have one of our own .

my keen sense of perception is giving me the impression that you are upset .

don’t partonize me ,  [ name ] .

look ,  why don’t we just quietly work together ?

it was an accident ,  i didn’t mean for anyone to get hurt .

i didn’t know it was gonna be dangerous .

no one’s gonna die !  okay ?  we’re gonna fix this .

have you seen him ?  i mean ,  really looked at him ?

when you really love someone ,  you want them to be happy .  even if it isn’t with you .

talking down to me does not help !

i’m not talking down to you ,  i’m just talking you DOWN  ...  there’s a difference .

it’s this place ,  it’s a thousand things !

you SHOT me ?!

with clear eyes  ...  and a full heart ,  you can’t lose .

will you tell me everything that happened while i was sleeping ?

i’m so sorry ,  i know i should’ve told you sooner .

i remember ,  now .  i remember everything .

i’m not gonna let you go back to that .

you’ve tried everything ,  haven’t you ?

if i only get one day ,  i am so ,  so glad i got this one .

i’m counting on you to fix all of this .

i’ll find a way .  i promise .

what answer will make you stop asking ?

relax ,  i’m not here for you .

that’s why you’re yelling like your hair’s on fire ?

i hate being friends with you .

i want to punch things .

i’m on the verge of a major breakthrough !

fine ,  i’ll go .  this better be snappy .

i called the police ,  they said i had to wait 24 hours .

[allthecanadianpolitics]

I don't understand why Provincial Governments are being allowed to destroy public health systems... like... separating Mental Health and Addiction into a separate thing will cause barriers and stigma (there's already so much stigma against mental health and addiction, this won't help??) that will prevent people from seeking help. and for profit private health care systems will cause financial barriers.. isn't all that a violation of the Canada Health Act, or something? why is it being allowed? I don't understand?

"The Canada Health Act sets out the primary objective of Canadian health care policy, which is "to protect, promote and restore the physical and mental well-being of residents of Canada and to facilitate reasonable access to health services without financial or other barriers.""

~~~~

[transmutationisms]

I feel like this is likely a bat to a hornet's nest topic but I deeply respect your takes and thoughts overall a lot so here goes: I really appreciate that the show frankly goes out of its way to not pathologize its characters and lets the audience sit with them in the context of their own lives. So I'm kind of baffled that so much focus is given to "diagnosing" them in fan discussions, the vast brunt of which Kendall gets. I don't understand how you can watch this show and understand him as someone who's been heavily abused and had his reactions to being abused weaponized against him and come away being like "wow it's so cringe he acts like that, he must have a brain disease and is just too stupid to understand that. every action he takes is because he is manic/depressed/letting the disease manifest. if only he took the good moral Legal drugs that I do instead of the ontologically bad ones that are Illegal and for dirty addicts. hopefully one day he will Get Help and Receive Treatment so he will be more palatable (no whatever he's done up to this point doesn't count because it didn't work which must inherently be due to his own moral failings)." How did a show like this attract so many Reganites??

bat at a hornets' nest yes. yeah i've said before that i dislike diagnosing fictional characters as a general rule. it's tautological ("they do [x] because they have [y], and they have [y] because they do [x]") and abrogates further analysis of their motives or the meanings of their actions. and it's doubly irksome to me with succession, because unlike a lot of tv, i genuinely don't think that it's written within the weltanschauung of dsm neurobio determinism. ie, it's not a show where the answer to "why did he do that?" is ever supposed to be "his brain is just like that"—these actions are supposed to mean something about what the character wants and needs, and the effect of the capitalist milieu on those things. it's psychological, not psychiatric (& of course, psychoanalytic approaches are common in formal literary studies, whereas blunt psychiatric diagnosis is decidedly less so).

with kendall's drug use there are some particularly irritating ways this all plays out. i've been fiddling with my own reading emphasising the context of logan's demands on kendall and the construction of bourgeois masculinity, and have tried to place kendall's drug use as a response to neoliberal control mechanisms à la deleuze or foucault. i could certainly be challenged on elements of this reading, but what i see on this website is generally just an endless slog of very biomedicalised reads that seem to have no awareness of the particular historical and social baggage present in that model. i do agree there's an element of reactionary DARE-esque moralising going on here (stg if i have to read one more post written by someone who, like, has never so much as met a coke user and thinks all drugs instantaneously give you irreversible morally weighted heart damage, lmao), but it's honestly not just that.

i think most of the time when people do this they're not trying to be reactionary or regressive, and often they not only don't believe themselves to be moralising affective distress, but actually think the dsm diagnosis is the way to avoid that type of moralisation. this is essentially the "it's a discrete disease entity, so they have no control over it and can't help it, so it's not their fault" argument. in practice this fails on many levels. for one thing, it often implicitly assumes that 'ending the stigma' requires any kind of mental disability or affective distress to be treated analogously to physical disability or illness, as though those latter are not also consistently stigmatised and moralised—because ableism is actually more complex than that and has to do with the fact that capitalism values people on the basis of the 'use' it can make of them and their bodies, etc etc. it is also, again, a wildly decontextualised understanding of affective distress, the reasons why people use drugs—including in a manner that feels compulsive and out of control—and so forth.

i'll add also that wrt succession, i actually do see a LOT of pathologisation thrown at roman as well, and more than an incidental amount directed at connor, tom, shiv, and logan. which is to say, i don't think this is solely about people's discomfort with addicts. there's a broad tendency among fans, echoing the even broader social tendency, to see medical diagnosis as personally liberatory, and medicine and psychiatry as passing 'objective' judgments that are necessary in order for a person to 'get better.' this is essentially positivism and is very much a status that the medical profession has fought to obtain (in france you can trace certain 18th-century discourses on national decline, aristocratic luxury, and the corrupting influence of the city -> the birth of clinical medicine after the first revolution -> social hygiene and the pathologisation of the parisian urban poor -> the third republic's 'physician-legislators' and the general class status and professionalisation of medicine; i know less about the gory details of the american and british cases simply by dint of what i do professionally).

we tend to forget these histories when talking about science; it presents itself as a set of timeless, incontrovertible truths that are simply waiting to be uncovered, and we have entire industries of science communication and journalism that propagate this view. which is to say, circling back to succession, i don't believe that most people diagnosing and pathologising these characters are trying to be reactionary or are aware that there are reactionary and moralising elements inherently built into these discourses. i think they're largely people who have not been given the tools to see alternatives, like the perspectives dominant in the history and sociology of science, which are very much kept paywalled and inaccessible on purpose because this is profitable for the academe.

this type of popular literary analysis is simply not going to go anywhere as long as this is still the status and the moral resonance of medicine (and psychiatry by extension because it gained its professional independence without sacrificing the appeal to medico-scientific epistemological authority). i don't think succession viewers are any more or less prone to this type of thinking than the general population they exist amongst. i firmly disagree with this attitude, obviously, and like i said, i don't actually think succession is written 'psychiatrically,' which cannot be said for all tv lol. but i more or less expect to encounter this type of deference to medico-psychiatric judgments in 95% of social interactions and contexts, again because of a combination of institutional control of information, other forms of inaccessibility, and physicians' and psychiatrists' advocacy for their own class and professional interests, both historically and ongoing today.

[cheezewhis]

I'm just gonna say this once because of sick of this shit.

You cannot be a leftist if you don't support sex workers. If you insult and shame sex workers, you are not a leftist. If you insult and shame consumers of the sex work industry (which yes, does include people who watch *gasp* porn) then you are harming sex workers because every industry needs a demand as much as supply.

So stop using porn as an insult and equating pron to morality because you're only making life harder for sex workers by continuing the stigma against their industries.

Yes, some people are forced into sex work for a variety of reasons, but some people like their jobs. It's just like any industry where some jobs are good and some are terrible. And even if people are forced into those jobs, we should still support them and work to get labor laws protecting them. Which we can't do, if you go around like a fire and brimstone preacher saying porn is immoral or some bullshit.

Also stop using "porn addicted" as an insult maybe because it's a symptom of sever problems so...

[k9effect]

A Hangclone omegaverse au WOULD HIT. I’ve had so many thoughts about those two but put them into an A/B/O dynamic and it’s even better. Like could you imagine prickly omega hangman going against his dynamic to try and court older alpha Cyclone. Cyclone would be head over heels but at the beginning he’d be super insecure because he knows jake could do better with someone younger and who isn’t a divorcee then he and Jake make it official and maybe they get a surprise little one on the way and Cyclone is super cocky about it. Or maybe its cocky alpha hangman trying to court older omega Cyclone. Maybe cyclone already has a pup or two from a previous mating and doesn’t want anymore and he cannot understand why for the life of him an Alpha like Hangman would want to be with him when he’s significantly older, already has kids with another alpha and doesn’t want anymore and addicted to his job.

Yessssss you understand the vision!!!

Theres a lot of variations in my mind:

I think about omega!jake who had to push his omega-ness aside to get to where he is in the military cause of like, stigma or smth. He tries to just come across as a beta or even an alpha if hes lucky. He's never really gotten to indulge in omegan things. But then beau is taking a liking to him and jake feels safe and slowly leaves hints that hes more omegan than anyone suspected. Beau taking it all in stride and giving jake everything he needs to be able to really indulge. Helping him nest properly for the first time and letting him be vulnerable and put his guard down.

I also imagine omega!jake getting injured and maybe its before they get together but alpha!beau is so keyed up and flooded with adrenaline, hes pacing outside jake's hospital room cause the omega hes attached to is hurt but he doesnt know he jake wants him in there or not. So hes growling at people that walk past, almost not letting nurses in, he doesnt sleep a wink, hes so scattered and anxious and running on instincts. When jake finally wakes up he just smells protective alpha and gets this warm feeling of "safe".

And yeah, god, omega!cyclone with kids is so good. Maybe since he already had some and hes older he doesnt want anymore and hes scared that jake would be mad but turns out jake doesnt really care one way or the other about pups, he just wants beau. And honestly? If he doesnt need to share him thats a plus

I ALSO think about alpha/alpha hangclone. Like not only do they have the age gap and the rank gap, but now they have to battle the stigma of two alphas being together. Learning to work with one another and give each other what they need without being overbearing or doing it the wrong way.

Theres just so much potential and i am so fucking soft for them

[halfetirosie]

🔥🔥🔥 RAISE YOUR HAND IF YOU WANT TO COMMIT A MURDER WITH ME!!!! 🔥🔥🔥

(Elysium 04-05 React-os!)

1) Eiden making an excellent point here--

Even in our own world, there's still a lot of stigma around "red light districts" and/or the industries they involve (sex work, alcohol, recreational drug use, etc). While you should always be careful and responsible with these activities, they are not inherently bad!

(I feel like some people might have gotten the wrong idea about my thoughts on these things--specifically, on drug use--from my last post. But please don't misunderstand; I am NOT against any of these things. What I AM against is people deliberately exploiting others using these things, fueling addiction for their own profit. ♡)

2) Dude, of course Kuya put his own essence-infused bracelet into the mix!

Why don't you just properly PROPOSE to him already, you foxy bastard??? (˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶)

It's cute, but also funny that he did this. Like, I imagine that when Kuya saw this bracelet event was happening he knew Eiden would be interested in participating too; and since he's jealous and possessive, he specially added his essence to the bracelet so Eiden would be sure to choose his---thus, not being paired with anyone else!

Kuya is certainly back on his Tsundere Bullshit™!

....And also his Yandere Bullshit™ I guess??? (ᵕ—ᴗ—)

3) Oh no.... Well, SHIT....

Look, I assumed Kuya had to have been involved in starting the Elysium club, but to be involved with the creation of that whack-ass addictive drug????? Bruh.....

Like, that alone wouldn't have bothered me that much, but since we've seen how Reverie addiction is becoming a serious problem [in the Water Territory], I ain't gonna lie, I am not very pleased with the fox right now...

4) SPEAKING OF YANDERE BULLSHIT---

*Hisses in this bitch's general direction*

CREEPY! WEIRDO! BAD VIBES! EW!!!!

What is it with Kuya attracting so many freaks? First the stalker tanuki, and now THIS creature????

5) Hm... I'm guessing Kuya got into this who agreement with Vampire Bitch for the sake of sufficient entertainment---a.k.a sufficient distraction from his long-ass life....

I'm guessing Kuya has gotten tired of the activities that take place here---which might be a good sign, showing that he's more "entertained" by the daily life with the clan? Maybe?

....WAIT......

MORE IMPORTANTLY---WHAT'S THIS THING VAMPIRE BITCH IS SAYING HE "ARRANGED"???

HE BETTER NOT BE REFERRING TO OLIVINE, I SWEAR TO GOD I'MMA THROW HANDS---

6) Oh? Could it be? A Responsible Kuya™???

I am now a bit less upset with Foxy Grandpa! I'm impressed he had the foresight to tell Vampire Bitch not to force the drug onto people.

...Although, the fact that Kuya felt the need to bring this up in conversation could have worrying implications. Like, does that mean he found out that people were being forced to take the drug? 🤔

Either way, I'm glad Kuya is going to cut ties with this shady place.

7) Huh, it seems like Vampire Bitch is REALLy REALLY officially being cut off.

(◔_◔) Dawg, that superficial answer will NOT impress the fox...

I think the answer Kuya was looking for has to do with my theory of what Kuya himself was looking for in Elysium---and also why the word "Dream" is plastered all across this event. He probably wanted to hear something along the lines of, "To escape from reality," "To live in a dream," or hell, "To be happy."

But Vampire Bitch must never have been in this business for these reasons---or maybe he forgot it over the years. Now, he's just corrupt.

8) NOOOOO!!!! I WAS FUCKING RIGHT!!!!!!

THIS

BASTARD

WAS TREATING OLIVINE LIKE AN OBJECT

AND PLANNING TO "GIFT" HIM TO KUYA??????

I AM GOING TO KILL HIM!!!!!!!

,; (ง 🔥 ﾛ 🔥 )ง ;,

Gang. Think about this for a second. He never says he's going to "introduce" Olivine to Kuya. He refers to Olivine as a form of "entertainment" and a "gift."

This BASTARD was trying to PIMP OLIVINE OUT WITHOUT HIS CONSENT.

And why might he think he can do that? What methods do you think this DRUG DEALER might have used to achieve that, hm?????

This is REALLY HELLA BAD.

HOW DARE HE?!?!?!?!?!

*ENRAGED SCREAMING ECHOES INTO THE NIGHT*

🔥 End of report! 🔥

[lttleghost]

literally the people in the BrBa fandom who like think its super important to focus somewhat on the bad things Jesse's done instead of just acknowledging those things tend to have misunderstandings on either how selling drugs increase harm (which while there's other complexities to parts of the drug trade, simply making and providing drugs alone does not increase the harm those drugs cause) or they have misremembered some of his actual actions as being more in his control than they actually were, and with some people it really feels like it comes from the stigma against addicts even if they think they're not falling into that

and like again this lack of understanding around everything relating to drugs and addiction especially, even from people that mean well, is the whole reason it's more important to focus on the good in Jesse and how he's the victim rather than acting like there's no one acknowledges his flaws and the bad things he's done, cause a huge fucking swath of people outside our little tumblr circles do and act like every single bad thing in his life as entirely his responsibility without aknowledging any way that the world worked against him or the abuse he faced and see him as less of a person because he's an addict

and like I do think if Jesse wasn't the type of person that sees his own flaws and ultimately tries to do his best to change and learn even in the terrible situation he's in that doesn't want that change to happen, and instead needed people to like... constantly tell him to be better, then yeah it'd definitely be much more important to focus on those flaws and the bad things he did... but that's not the case, even the one thing he plans to do that was awful AND fully his choice (trying to sell drugs to the rehab group) was something he snapped himself out of when he was able to concretely see a consequence he hadn't considered before, this doesn't negate that trying to sell drugs to the rehab group was wrong, but it does add complexity to how we judge that action playing into Jesse as a whole

like you can't just sit there and act like ur so smart for aknowledging a character written like a real person is complex without thinking about the greater social commentary you're getting across when you insist we can't simply aknowledge the bad things a character does and have to still really judge them on those things or say calling them a "good person" erases the bad they've done and not consider if what you're saying is like... useful on a wider scale in combating the stigmatization of characters like Jesse (especially surrounding drug selling/making/using drugs) or if you're just refering to "woobification" bullshit that isn't particularly prevalent in the wider world

[beardedmrbean]

Chrissy Reifschneider had just left rehab to treat her heroin addiction in 2017 when she started taking tianeptine, popularly dubbed “gas station heroin." The 41-year-old from Alabama was struggling with low energy, so a family member who worked at a gas station recommended she try the pills. 

Within days, Reifschneider was hooked, and three dark years cruised by. Now four years clean, Reifschneider reflects on the deception that contributed to her tianeptine addiction and the overwhelming shame that followed. It's a trend that addiction medicine experts say shines a sobering light on the ongoing mental health crisis that's driving people to "easy" solutions amid widespread healthcare accessibility issues in the U.S.

“I thought well, I'm not sticking a needle in my arm, so I literally convinced myself that I wasn’t a drug addict until I realized I didn't recognize who I was anymore,” Reifschneider said. “It's crazy to think that these gas station pills just controlled me. I was ashamed because I'd rather people know I was shooting up heroin than actually spending all this time and money on over-the-counter (drugs).”

Tianeptine is prescribed as an antidepressant in some European, Asian and Latin American countries, but it’s not approved for any medical use in the U.S. Still, companies are marketing and selling tianeptine products as dietary supplements typically in pill and powder form, claiming it can improve brain function and treat depression, anxiety, pain and even opioid use disorder. 

Tianeptine has been banned in Alabama, Florida, Georgia, Indiana, Kentucky, Michigan, Mississippi, Ohio and Tennessee.

Reifschneider used to take five pills every four hours, which she said gave her enough of a “warm, fuzzy buzz” without making her feel clammy or nauseous, similar to the effects of doing too much heroin, she said. The brand she purchased recommends two capsules daily “or as needed,” and advises against exceeding three capsules in a 24-hour period. 

She started to lose her hair and lots of weight; had auditory hallucinations; developed paranoia surrounding electronics, at times using 10 cellphones at once; and began to convince herself that she was “better off dead.” Reifschneider would even chat with gas station employees about how dangerous the pills were: “I was silently crying out for help.” 

After several unsuccessful stays in rehab, Reifschneider quit “cold turkey” and entered a withdrawal state for the next six months, which she said felt similar to but lasted longer than her withdrawal from heroin and fentanyl. Today, she continues to “feel like a 15-year-old in my brain,” alluding to her debilitating memory problems. “It’s one of my more shameful things,” she said.

Poison control cases involving tianeptine have increased nationwide, from 11 total cases between 2000 and 2013 to 151 cases in 2020, the FDA says. Many poison control calls often involve severe withdrawal symptoms, such as agitation, vomiting and diarrhea, because people typically consume higher doses than those prescribed in other countries, according to a 2018 CDC report.

Dr. Holly Geyer, an internal medicine physician specializing in addiction medicine with the Mayo Clinic, said fear of withdrawal and the depression that follows can contribute to addiction to a variety of substances. 

“These often aren't people who are chasing a high. They're just trying to feel normal, and if there's a drug out there that helps them curb that appetite, they're probably going to take it until it as a solution becomes the problem,” Geyer said. “These people are trapped biologically, mentally and spiritually. It's a horrible situation to be in, and I can tell you tianeptine does not let them out of it.” 

Shame and stigma prevail among addiction recovery circles 

Since Reifschneider joined social media to share her tianeptine experience, neighbors and friends have confided in her with their own struggles with the supplement. “It was a very dark secret we all kept in our recovery circle because it was so shameful,” she said. “We all felt better about ourselves because we weren’t doing the worst of the worst.”

Aaron Weiner, an addiction psychologist, says that mentality is “completely reasonable” considering the stigma and “traditionalism” that still weighs on drug use in general. “There’s a very intense mental health burden in this country right now,” he said.

Tianeptine is marketed as a supplement, but it’s really an opioid receptor agonist. That means it binds to the same receptors in the brain that heroin, fentanyl and other opioids do, causing similar euphoric and addictive effects by hijacking the body’s dopamine system. So when people use tianeptine amid their recovery journey to cope with withdrawal or other lingering effects, judgment frequently follows.

“In a lot of recovery circles, the goal is complete abstinence from all intoxicating substances,” Weiner said. “In this scenario, some people may assume they’re substituting one drug for another, and say they’re not really sober.”

Similar judgment occurs among those taking FDA-approved medications for opioid use disorder (MOUD), including methadone, buprenorphine and naltrexone — some of which are opioids themselves. Mounting evidence shows that they reduce opioid cravings and withdrawal symptoms, and block their euphoric effects, Weiner said, but don’t make people “high” or cause withdrawal when dosed properly. 

Although MOUD use has grown by more than 100% over the last decade, nearly 90% of people living with opioid use disorder are not receiving these medications, according to a 2022 study published in the International Journal of Drug Policy. Experts say stigma is partly to blame. 

“One of the greatest problems we have in this country is that of stigma; we label people, then throw them out with their diagnoses,” Geyer said. “So when many of them turn to MOUD, they experience equal amounts of stigma and are led to think that no one could yell at them or be offended if they use supplements like tianeptine that they think are safer.” 

"It kills me to know this is still out there"

Reifschneider said she visited a doctor who specializes in addiction medicine two times for help to detox from tianeptine, but neither attempt was successful.

“The doctor had no idea what these pills were, but he wanted to help me because he could see my desperation,” Reifschneider said. “I was terrified to come off of them alone, so I didn’t know what to do.” 

She ultimately detoxed herself, but this lack of awareness and access to proper treatment, Geyer said, is what deters people away from evidence-based treatment and attracts them to the illicit market.

Data show that nearly 50% of counties in the U.S., don’t have MOUD medication providers and 32% don’t have any specialty substance abuse treatment programs at all. 

“There's not a whole lot of attention paid to tianeptine because it’s one of many drugs that you could find at gas stations these days that are not technically outlawed but certainly not beneficial,” Geyer said. “The big name drugs out there like fentanyl is where the money has historically been in this industry, so that's where most treatment approaches have focused.”

After years of rehab, Reifschneider said she wants to lay low and just live a normal life, but knowing that tianeptine is still being sold on gas station shelves weighs on her.

“I'm honestly grateful that there's been more awareness, but it kills me to know this is still out there,” she said.

[pluckyredhead]

Red Hood and the Outlaws #4 (2011)

Back on Lobdell's bullshit!

There had been vague references to Roy being a "screwup" in the first three issues of the book, but this issue confirms that he is, as he was pre-Flashpoint, an addict in recovery. There are two major differences, though: one, his sobriety seems a lot shakier than it was pre-Flashpoint (at least, before Lian's death), and two, he is now an alcoholic, rather than a narcotics addict. Pre-Flashpoint, Roy was regularly shown drinking casually and sometimes even actively drunk (Ollie's bachelor party), and it was never depicted as a problem for him, though Kyle at one point gently teases him about staying away from booze. (Interestingly, Ollie is occasionally depicted as having an unhealthy relationship with alcohol himself, but no line is ever drawn between his potential addiction and Roy's, in any continuity.)

I'm of two minds about the change. On the one hand, though I have a strong attachment to the original "Snowbirds Don't Fly," it was very much commenting on a specific cultural moment, as well as being very deliberately designed to open up conversation about drugs and drug addiction in comic books (prior to "Snowbirds," the depiction of drug use was banned by the Comics Code Authority). There's no reason to stick specifically to heroin, other than tradition. I hate to praise Tom King, and I have quibbles with him giving Roy an addiction to prescription drugs in Heroes in Crisis (if injuries in the field led to Roy's reliance on and then addiction to prescription painkillers, why is he the only superhero to develop an addiction? it should be like a third of them!), but it's a choice that feels very current, the way that heroin felt very current in 1971. (People obviously still do heroin, but you know what I mean.)

Making Roy an alcoholic instead of a heroin addict provides an interesting opportunity to compare the two addictions. Alcoholism is much more culturally accepted (and, you know, legal), easier to hide, and carries far less stigma, both when using and when in recovery. And yet RHATO depicts a Roy who appears to be in greater disgrace with the superhero community than pre-Flashpoint Roy ever was. It would have been interesting to explore the difference in how the two addictions are received, in getting and staying sober, in the dangers of using any substance to excess, even legal and widely accepted ones. A thoughtful writer could have told a really moving story with this change.

Of course, we're talking about Lobdell here, so the change feels completely arbitrary and downright lazy, especially since Lobdell (and King) has a habit of doing zero research and changing things at random. Both the alcoholism and the prescription drug addiction wind up coming across like all addictions are interchangeable, which is...shitty.

But, you know. It could have been good.

On the other hand, here we have the debut of the single best thing about all of RHATO: the Jaybird nickname. Drink it in, friends.

Meanwhile, Kori gets attacked by this guy, Crux:

She's TAMARANEAN. In fact, the word "Tamaranean" is used later on the same page. What a shitshow.

Crux is a human whose parents were killed when a random Tamaranean spaceship hit their car (why were Tamaraneans just cruising by Earth? no idea), so he devoted his life to destroying aliens in general and Tamaraneans in particular, including using alien DNA so he can turn himself into a giant bat-lizard at will.

Meanwhile, the hot lady sheriff turns out to be an Untitled, and she and Jason frisk each other sexily before she turns into a monster and attacks. It's boring.

The issue ends with Roy going to help Kori, who is losing her fight, and Jason facing off against the Untitled. So to sum of the events of the issue, two fights start and Roy calls Jason "Jaybird" for the first time. It's amazing how little story you can tell in when you average like two panels per page!

[shit-talk-turner]

I’m a psychologist. I’ve met many men who have a hard time showing love. I constantly see people who label them as autistic or cold which only fuels harmful stereotypes. Stop diagnosing celebrities. Outside of my professional work, I’m a huge Arctic Monkeys fan. I saw them live multiple times and was lucky enough to spend some time in their social circle. I’ve lost count on how many times I’ve cringed reading this blog. Gossiping is a part of human nature and I absolutely understand the concept of this whole thing, I didn’t come here to ruin the party. I see the entertainment value even though I’m probably way older than most participants. I absolutely love the open mindedness of the blog owner and her objection against things like: misogyny, fetishizing someone’s sexual orientation, bodyshaming, doxing and other venomous behaviors that are unfortunately, very common in the fandom. I wanted to take a moment to express my gratitude because I’m someone who devotes their entire existence to fight stigma and spread awareness of said topics. On the other hand, I had a pretty good laugh on here reading some of your humorous fashion takes, linguistic jokes and biting satire of the French culture. Pointing out the absurd of current social media trends is also something worth mentioning! Kudos to you because you definitely have a fascinating personality, rich sense of humor and some unique aura in your ways of responding that kinda made me addicted to this blog. Believe or not but I work with famous individuals and understanding their complex minds and relationships dynamics is a big part of my daily routine. I understand witticism but one thing I’ve noticed here keeps bothering me and it’s the main reason I decided to leave a comment….I keep seeing this callous and tranquil attitude towards heartbreak and the general difficult nature of romantic relationships. Now this is the part where I turn into a lame boomer and despite my private connections to people whose problems are the core of your entertainment, I try to stay as objective as possible. No one asked but it truly saddens me to see how much ignorance, misinformation and forms of sadism are being normalized within the fan community. And it’s often only because someone doesn’t meet your expectations of what you consider a „healthy relationship”. I hate(big word but it’s mandatory here) how easily you jump to conclusions with so little information. Like the lack of smile or physical touch in candid photos are being basically treated as diagnostic criteria. Or someone’s stage presence and theatrical mannerism is being called „autistic” without hesitation. The overall lack of education here is constantly showing. Sometimes it feels like you hate your idol, constantly trying to get your dirty hands on the most intimate aspects of his life…and do you really think this type of energy is innocent? Or don’t you see how pathetic it is to literally wait for someone’s heart break because it provides content and the awful egomaniac side of you needs to prove something? And you try to justify all of this because someone has made some mistakes in the past. So, you create a whole image of a possibly complex person by taking little scraps from their social media activity. I know how ridiculous it will sound but please, imagine educated professionals building someone’s entire psychological portrait using very short and blurry videos from parties and concerts. Oh lord. Someone’s awkwardness or dancing skills determine if they’re worthy of love? Whaaaaat? There are so many beautiful and powerful ways of communicating love or forming connection that will never be visible through the lens of an online platform. People have so many personalities and ways of conveying emotions. Not everything has to be obvious or clear. The lack of enthusiasm in body language is not always depression or unhappiness. Our past mistakes don’t reflect our true identity. Imagine yourself being judged by old Facebook posts! This absurdity kills me.

We two are individuals that work with people and understand the importance of relationships and how deep a humans personality goes. Of course we understand no one here (including us) can know everything about these people or what goes on in their lives. Thats why we keep our speculation and shit talk here and don’t take it to their social media profiles or something. We’re not wishing for anyone’s downfall but we do love gossiping about AM and right now, the well is dry, so yes a break up would be content. Notice how we’re not doing anything to bring it about. Just waiting for whatever content we’re going to get so we can enjoy it as is. We also welcome anyone to judge us based on our own social media, past and present (though obviously we’re maintaining our anonymity) because nothing in our past is as misogynistic or racist like some of the people we discuss here. Thanks for being here and for your thoughts

[otter1962crystalball]

If I Could Talk to My Younger Self

June 21, 2024

Happy Summer Solstice and 21st day of Pride. What if I could go back in time and talk to my younger self? What would I say? What time period would I go? What situations need addressing? I think that we are the sum of all of our experiences and I know that all the things that happened, good or bad, made me who I am. If I had a role model to follow, maybe things would have been easier. I’ve heard quite a few men talk about not having a role model as a gay man or child. Rick Clemons’ Over 40 Gay Men Gay Talk is a good example. What if I’d had a role model? What would that role model say? So for today, I’m going to visit a number of times in my past and tell my younger self the he is on the right path and let him know how to deal with the pain of rejection, the horrors of being bullied, the fear of the unknown and more. Maybe that would have made my life a little easier. So, here goes…

The first time I would go back would be when I was five and tell him that whenever he feels different that he is not alone.  As an adult, I know he was feeling like he was the only one that was made that way. I’d tell him that he is not a mistake and that God will not wipe his name out of his book (See my Pride and Spirituality blog on June 2, 2024).

I would also let him know that there will be tough times ahead, but he will be strong and that he must not feel inferior or less than anyone else. He will also know that he will come to accept himself as he is and not feel less of a human being. As I reflect I know that there are so many gay men who have grown up pretending to be something other than what they really were. If the younger Grant could hear that he is not alone and not a mistake, he might have an opportunity to develop a much stronger sense of self esteem and not lose that zest for life that he had at that time.

The second time I would go back to is when I was first bullied by the kids at school. The day that he got berated in the changeroom is when I would pull him aside (See my Bullying entry on June 5th). I would tell him to not be afraid to be different and that others may not always accept that. I’ll let him know that in time, more and more people will be allies and those bullies are just insecure children who seek out others they perceive as weak and different. I’d mention that one day he will be able to celebrate the fact that he is gay.

The third time I would visit myself is when I was waiting for a bus as I left for Calgary against my parents’ wishes (See my Pride Blog Entry Why Did God Make Them That way). I would tell him that again, he wasn’t alone. I would tell him that he needed to do what he was doing to become the man he was supposed to. He would have to accept himself before expecting anyone else to accept him.

The fourth time would be the day I found out that I was HIV+. I would take him to a park and sit with him. I would tell him that he would get through this and that it wasn’t a death sentence. I would let him know that there would be a lot of stigma around this syndrome. I would tell him that it wasn’t because he deserved it or that he was a bad person (See my Pride Blog Entry “White Picket Fence and All! - Part 2"). I would mention that he is and always will be a strong person who can get through difficult times - as long as he believes in himself.

The fifth time would be when I was standing at the back window worrying that Dean might blow up my house making crystal meth (Blog called “Facing Addiction). I would tell him that the world might look bleak at the moment, but he will get through this with courage and grace. It will be difficult and there may be times when he wants to give up and that he should never, ever give up. I would say that he has so much to live for and will accomplish wonderful things.

The sixth time would be when I was struggling with codependency with my ex-husband or the next boyfriend who was also a narcissist like my ex-husband. I’ve just realized that I’ve not written about this so I will cover it tomorrow in my blog. 

I think that is the last time I would want to visit. I didn’t include my bout with cancer because, while it was difficult, I had a lot of tools that I earned in all the other situations that could help me with my diagnosis.

As I look back on my life, I see myself taking steps forward and some backward. What is promising is that I am moving ahead more than behind. I think this is the answer to my questions at the beginning of this blog. I am a sum of my experiences and I am stronger for it. 

For Pride, I am celebrating getting through life without a role model. It’s my hope that maybe there is a young gay man somewhere who could benefit from an older gay man’s experiences and build hope for their future lives.

Carpe diem. Happy Pride.

[weepingpussywillowtree]

Below the read more is a long long rant about people being judgemental about my choice to be sober and also on how judgemental people can be about what is fun to different people. References to family alcoholism/drug addiction contained herein.

Drives me nuts when people pretend like people who don't drink are the judgemental ones when there is a massive stigma around being sober and I literally constantly get called boring for it. Yes, I have tried drinking. Yes, I have tried partying. Yes, I've tried the flashing lights and loud music. I may have not tried all of these things exactly in conjunction, but I have tried parts of them together.

But people just assume I'm a prude or boring or that I'm the one judging them. Like, it's just not for me. That's all. Then they ask a bunch of invasive questions about why you're sober, and it's like no... I don't want to talk about my family trauma and the fact that like many autistic people, when I have access to alcohol I use it to cope with working full time and constantly masking. It reminds me of this friend I had in college who would have people straight up yell at him when he was offered chocolate and he'd politely decline saying that he's not fond of chocolate. People always took it so personally, like it said something about their taste that he just didn't like chocolate. I'm not against alcohol and drugs, almost all of my friends drink and do one kind of drug or another, but when people find out that I made a choice that's the best for me specifically they always act like I'm personally taking a shit on their bed. I'm not against drugs, my cousin is literally moving across the country to a state where she can start legally practicing psychotherapy with psychedelics and I think that's cool and should be legal everywhere! I'm literally addicted to caffeine! I do not care! I'm not sheltered either, I literally grew up with a bunch of alcoholics and opiate addicts, and I still don't think drugs and alcohol are evil.

It hit me the other day how much people tie up being fun with alcohol and drugs when I went to the city for a weekend with my partner. We went to trendy restaurants, went to the aquarium, went to the fine arts museum, travelled all around the city looking at shit, did an escape room, and then stayed up late playing board games and eating snacks at a board game cafe.

We were staying with my aunt, who is a recovering alcoholic, like most of my family. On the second day, after hearing our schedule for the day, she was like "wow you guys are really packing in the fun, huh?". And I realized that's the first time in my entire life I've been called fun. The next day, she talked about how liberating it is to be over 50 now, because she's part of an over 50 social group, and they literally never ask questions about her not drinking. She orders a seltzer water and no one even questions it, whereas when she was younger, it was just constant peer pressure and judgement. I'm just so sick of this idea in general that there's a life script you should follow, that people should do this or that when they're young and this or that when they're old. My aunt is an extroverted person. Imagine how her life might have been better if she'd been able to find other outgoing, non-judgemental friends earlier in life. How revolutionary that might have been for her.

Idk, everyone just needs to be nicer and stop assuming that they know what fun means for everyone and that they're more liberated because they do a substance you've chosen not to. Also, while there is value in trying things that you might not like, I see no need to bang my head against the wall trying every party-like experience when I've never liked one before just so I can justify myself to pedantic assholes who are like 'well, have you tried this specifically??'.

[ewanmitchellcrumbs]

If you're still curious, my sister is really into astrology and actually gets paid to read people's charts. From what she has said to me, there's a stigma against pisces men because they're (allegedly) the most likely to cheat in the whole zodiac. They also are prone to addiction issues unless they keep a really tight leash on themselves. They'll typically do best with a partner who isn't too sweet or a doormat; they need someone strong-willed who can call them out if they try any bs.

They have lots of good qualities too, but I don't want this to get too long.

That is interesting! I've only dated one Pisces guy. He was lovely while we were together, not so much when I tried to end things. I have no idea if that's down to his star sign or just him being a prick though, haha.

The only other person who I know that's a Pisces is an old friend of mine, she's not a guy though, and I know the signs vary slightly depending on gender.

Please note: anonymous asks for this account are currently turned off. I am just working through a backlog.