#there’s only 48 working hours left this month and one of those days I have PTO for the wedding

[thefaultinoursprinkles]

that first +25% check hit and I paid all my bills, fully restocked my kitchen and household products, went out for dinner on my birthday, gave my fiancee money for a gift for me, got cities skylines DLC, bought my fiancee 2 games, donated money to 3 mutual aid requests, put $500 in savings, bought a wedding gift for each of the weddings I have to go to AND I still have money left over. the impact a higher salary has

[jerzwriter]

Thank you @liaromancewriter for this ask. Ethan x Kaycee, a kiss based on a place of insecurity. I know it was supposed to be under 1,000 words but, yeah... me. lol I hope you enjoy this

Book: Open Heart (Book 2 Timeline) Pairing: Ethan Ramsey x F!MC (Kaycee MacClennan) Rating: Teen Words: 2,300 Summary: A bright day turns stormy when Kaycee overhears an conversation that leaves her doubting herself. Can Ethan help her see the light? Or will the lights flicker out?

A/N: Participating in @choicesjunechallenge2024 - Didn't use one of the prompts, but this fic shows Kaycee bridging her understanding of their relationship, and a new place for the two of them. (It kind of fits lol)

Kaycee clutched a brown paper bag in her hand as she navigated Edenbrook’s packed halls. Normally, shift changes were her least favorite time of day. She may be a city-dweller at heart, but she was a firm believer that crowds belonged outdoors, far away from confined spaces. But today, the beguiling smile on the resident's face as she pushed her way through the throngs of visitors and staff alike told another story. Today, the crowd was providing her with a perfect cover. Today, it was her friend.

She and Ethan were official for three months, and both of them were exuding that energy and glow that only new love delivered. For Kaycee, the difference wasn’t very noticeable; typically jovial and full-of-life, only those closest to her noticed her extra rosy glow or the way her smile shined just a bit brighter.

The same couldn’t be said for Ethan, and the changes in him had the hospital rivited. Recently, there were reports of him greeting passers-by with a nod and a smile. As far as anyone could tell, he hadn’t made an intern cry in weeks. There was even a vicious rumor that he was spotted whistling down the hall after the end of a double shift. The man appeared to be... happy, and everyone clamored to understand why.

He hadn’t suffered a head injury, and if the staff’s favorite gossip, Naveen, was privy to the reason, he was keeping it to himself. The rumor mill, desperate to uncover the cause of the transformation, watched Ethan closer than TMZ tracked Taylor Swift. Ethan and Kaycee found it amusing, laughing about it when they were safely absconded in his condo, or nuzzled together under the sheets of Kaycee's bed. But amusement aside, it presented a challenge for the couple who hoped to keep the nature of their relationship under wraps at Edenbrook... at least for now.

But Kaycee hadn’t seen him for two days, the longest amount of time they’d spent apart since professing their love for each other. The texts and calls they shared over the 48-hour period were nice but not nearly enough. She was desperate to see him before he left work for the day, and the chaotic halls provided her with the perfect cover.

Most of the staff was too busy to notice her slip into his private office, and if they had, the Derry’s Roasters bag in her hand would be her excuse. After all, a resident picking up Ethan's breakfast order on the way to work wasn't out of the ordinary. With a quick scan of the area and a smile on her face, Kaycee opened his office door. Mission accomplished!

Alas, it couldn’t be that smooth. She stood at the entrance of his L-shaped suite, still undetected, when melodic laughter wafted through the air, stopping her in her tracks. What happened next, left her heart racing.

“Oh, Ethan Jonah Ramsey,” a sultry voice belted out. “You have not changed one bit!”

“Really?” he replied, Kaycee couldn't miss the smile in his voice. “Some would see that as a negative. If I am the same as I was a decade ago, that indicates zero growth.”

“Stop,” the silky voice continued. “You’ve grown plenty! It’s an attribute that you’ve managed to keep your sense of humor... and that gorgeous smile. There's no shame in that!"

A brief silence hung in the room then sound of shuffling papers was met with Ethan loudly clearing his throat.

“Well... I appreciate you stopping by today. I’ll look over the proposal in more detail and have my assistant follow up with you, but I’m afraid I do have a meeting in five....”

Chairs sliding over the tiled floor let Kaycee know she had to leave. Rushing out the door in a flash, she took refuge in the nurses’ station just outside Ethan’s office. Tossing her bag under the counter, she buried her face in a file to remain unseen.

Ethan exchanged goodbyes with not one but two women, just yards away, but the loud hum of conversations and announcements over the PA system left his words unintelligible. But one thing was obvious... he sure looked happy.

“Dr. MacClennan,” Nurse Sarah called out, and Kaycee quickly turned her way. “Dr. Tanka was looking for you.”

By the time Sarah finished relaying his message, Ethan was gone, but the two women had set up a temporary spot nearby. Perched over a laptop on the nurses’ station counter, Kaycee had a bird’s eye view to observe.

The younger of the two was around her age. With her curly hair, rounded face, and a flowing floral dress, she looked like a modern-day cherub. Her laugh suited her but also made it plain that she wasn’t the one who had been talking to Ethan.

When the other woman looked up from her laptop, Kaycee let out a gasp. She was exquisite. Thick, shiny, jet-black hair just begging to be touched flowed down to the small of her back, and her crystal blue eyes were dazzling, looking as if they could pierce anything in their path. Kaycee had no idea who the designer of her red power suit was, but the color perfectly matched the soles of her stiletto heels. Yes, Christian Louboutin looked amazing on her, andas Kaycee gazed at her own washed-out scrubs and unconsciously tucked her messy bun back in place, she wondered, had Amal Clooney moved to Boston and become a pharmaceutical exec?

Kaycee felt ashamed. Usually the picture of self-confidence, she felt herself unraveling. Something about this stranger’s beauty, effortless elegance, and charisma tugged at every insecurity she thought she had buried long ago.

“How do you know him?” The younger woman asked.

“Ethan?”

Kaycee seethed at the way his name rolled off her tongue. Ethan. Not Dr. Ramsey; the utter familiarity struck her sharper than a sword.

“We’ve known each other for a long time,” she continued.

“So you’ve worked together before?”

The vision tapped a perfectly manicured nail on the counter as she appeared to gauge how much she should divulge. With her lips curling into a smug smile, she turned to her colleague with a bravado Kaycee hoped to one day possess.

“Worked... Yes. We worked together... amongst other things.”

“Ooooh! You and Dr. Ramsey!” The younger woman gasped as Kaycee's stomach churned.

“It was a long time ago,” the woman waved. “We were both relatively new to Boston at the time. But let's say it was memorable.”

“How did you date him and let him go? If I had a chance with a man like that, I would have locked him down!”

“Well,” the raven-haired beauty laughed. “We were quite young back then. I barely wanted a commitment, but Ethan? A prison sentence may have been more appealing. Of course... that was a decade ago, and if magic can strike twice, I promise there will be a different outcome this time."

Kaycee was frozen still, terrified someone might have heard how hard she swallowed or seen the abject fear in her eyes.

“It seemed like he enjoyed seeing you," the young woman smiled. "Maybe you’ll get that second chance after all."

Kaycee welcomed the sounds their high heels walking down the hallway, still, she couldn’t pry her eyes away. She was so engrossed that she hadn’t heard her name being called... several times.

“Dr. MacClennan!” Harper barked. “Is there something important that I’m keeping you from?”

Kaycee swung around in horror. “Oh, no! No, Dr. Emery. I’m so sorry, I was just... uh...I was lost in my thoughts. What can I do for you?”

She liked Harper... admired her... but Harper was the last person she wanted to see right now. Her self-confidence already teetering, here was another reminder of who Ethan had before her. Another brilliant, beautiful and poised woman who had already earned the respect of her peers. She was everything Kaycee hoped to be when she grew up, and as their conversation wrapped up, she couldn’t remember the last time she felt this small.

Grabbing the bag from Derry’s from under the counter, Kaycee retreated to the empty diagnostic office. Pulling the muffin out, she began stuffing it into her mouth. Sorry Ethan, she thought, but I need this more than you.

After downing half of the carb-laden treat, she reclined on the sofa and shut her eyes. This mystery woman, Harper... they were both so much more than she was. All Kaycee could hear was the words of an acquaintance from long ago:

“Don’t date out of your league. When you do, you'll just spend your time worrying about how long before you’re replaced.”

The thing was, Kaycee never agreed with that sentiment, and even more, she never believed Ethan was out of her league. He didn’t treat her that way, and whenever they were together, with the aura of the magic they shared surrounding them, the thought never once crossed her mind. So why was she giving a complete stranger so much power?

She sat up in the darkened room and rested her weary head on her hands. Her shift officially started in just over ten minutes, and it was time to get herself together. She let out a groan as she tried to shake off the dark cloud that had enveloped her, just as the light switch flipped on and a worried Ethan looked her way.

“Kaycee? What’s going on? Are you hurt?”

Escape had been just a moment a way; now, she looked up at her love hoping he didn't notice the embarrassment in her eyes.

“I'm not hurt," she replied. "Not unless you count my ego."

“I’m sorry?"

Thinking of the best way to approach this, she handed him the slobbered-over, half-eaten muffin to stall for time.

“This was for you....” she snickered as Ethan held the object at arms length.

“Uh... thank you?”

“I shouldn’t have eaten it...”

“Kaycee,” he said, placing the offending muffin back on the table where it belonged. “What’s going on. What’s wrong?”

She took Ethan’s hand and leaned back on the sofa with a sigh and instructed her boyfriend to make himself comfortable. She relayed the details of her morning adventures: how she hoped to surprise him and spend a little time together before her shift began, but she stumbled upon him and Amal Clooney.

“I’m sorry, who?”

“The inncredibly hot pharma rep that was in your office,” Kaycee clarified.

“Angelique?”

“Angelique. Great,” Kaycee muttered. “ Sexy name. I feel like I should dislike her even more now.”

She told him the rest of the story and how she was ashamed of herself for becoming so worried, but she felt helpless once it began to consume her. Ethan placed a hand lovingly on her knee.

“Kaycee, if I wanted to be with Angelique, or Harper for that matter, I would be. But I don’t want them. I don’t want anyone except for you.”

“I know that,” she whispered. “And you’ve done nothing to make me think otherwise; but, sometimes, when I’m alone or when I’m confronted with two perfect exes within a ten-minute span, I feel like every insecurity I’ve had in my life awakens, and those voices tell me I’ll never be enough.”

Ethan scooted closer to Kaycee and as he wrapped a loving arm around her shoulder, she felt the tiny bits of self-doubt that were remaining begin to melt away; and when he kissed her forehead, they were tone.

“Kaycee, I wish I could help you with this, but unless I’m doing something to make you feel insecure...”

“You’re not!” She interuppted.

“Well, then, all I can do is reassure you. You’ll have to work on the underlying causes on your own, but I promise you, with all my heart....you have nothing to worry about. In fact, sometimes I wonder if I'm good enough for you."

“Seriously?” She asked with a look of disbelief. “You don't think you're good enough for me?”

“Uh, do you see how other people look at you? Do you even realize how much you have to offer? There are many times when I’ve wondered why you wasted so much time waiting on this old man to come to his senses... but in case I haven’t told you lately, I’m so glad that you did.”

“Yeah,” she smiled, running her hand along his cheek. “You are pretty lucky.”

“You better believe I am.”

Ethan brushed a strand of hair behind her ear, then placed a gentle buss on her lips. Their eyes met with a loving gaze, and he gave her another, then one more as her head tilted to the side and their lips came together so comfortably, there was no doubt they were meant to be.

Kaycee parted her lips and allowed his tongue to intertwine with hers. A rhapsody emotion washing over her as the tenderness grew more passionate, burning with a fire that defined all they had come to mean to each other.

Ethan reluctantly broke away with a smile. "Feeling better?"

“I sure am,” she beamed.

Ethan looked at his watch, then back to Kaycee with a seductive grin. “If I have your schedule down, you have ten minutes before your shift begins.”

“That’s right,” Kaycee smiled. “And how would you like to spend that time?"

"Isn't it obvious? Making out like we're between classes in high school. Are you in?"

"You better belive it," Kaycee laughed, pulling him into to another kiss.

When Kaycee walked out of the team's office ten minutes later, there was a smile on her swollen red lips and she didn't care about her disheveled scrubs. Amal Clooney had nothing on her. After all, she had Ethan Ramsey, and he had her, and they knew that was the only place they wanted to be.

@choicesficwriterscreations @openheartfanfics

Tagging others seperately.

[bleue-flora]

For absolutely no reason whatsoever, I feel like we should talk about Limbo. Because it’s a interesting topic with lots of space for theories and perhaps this will help us come back to some common ground of discussion, and be an open enough topic to allow everyone, whether someone who just joined the fandom or has been here for years, to hopefully feel safe and welcome enough to join in and share their thoughts and opinions. Go ahead and use the tag #dsmp limbo so I can see your thoughts, there is no right or wrong answer here.

To start off the discussion, we know the time dilation based on what Wilbur has said is about 30/1 - meaning every 1 second is 30 seconds in limbo, every 2 minutes is 1 hour in limbo, every 48 minutes is 1 day in limbo, every 1 day is a about 1 month in limbo and so on just to give you perspective. We also know based on both what happens in the finale and by what Dream says in the finale, that Limbo changes based on how you die and the circumstances around your death.

Now here are my thoughts at the moment on the matter. While a lot of times I see Limbo in fanfics more personalized to the person killed, one theory I came up with to explain Limbo is that it is actually is more connected to the situation around the death and killer/death.

For example, Schlatt died of a stroke and his limbo then becomes a gym, themeing off the fact of becoming healthy and fit something he wasn’t in life. That lead to his nation being taken over and him not being physically capable to stop it as well as him dying to a stroke, which we are encouraged to believe is caused by his alcoholism.

But I feel like perhaps Schlatt’s is the easiest to connect, Wilbur’s on the other hand is a little weirder. But I think the train station is actually connected to Philza having just arrived, so the relation to travel. Trains are often kept on a schedule to be on time and Philza’s appearance is just in time to kill Wilbur, but too late to stop him from pushing the button.

Mexican Dream’s limbo then reflects more of Dream than of Mexican Dream. With an empty, unfinished nation not unlike how empty and isolated Dream likely felt, as well as angry about nations for being the cause.

This theory becomes a little stronger when looking at Tommy’s 1st Limbo being an existence of basically nothing. And I think this reflects how Dream kinda has nothing at this point. Also relating to how Tommy killed the cat (and am I miss remembering that he also burned his clock?) the only thing(s) Dream had left. It could alternatively relate to an empty stomach adding an element from his death being from the potato.

Rambo’s limbo then connects to Sam for a few reasons, one I think Sam felt very alone in his efforts to keep Dream locked up. Like only he could do it and no one was helping him. It is also similar in the fact that Sam felt so cornered and trapped like killing Ranboo was the only thing he could do, similar to how one would feel stuck on a tiny island surrounded by water that burns. It’s also interesting since for Ranboo, the island is also inescapable like the prison and he is only able to leave when Mexican Dream comes (like Dream only escaping prison when Techno comes), oh and Sam lives on an island too.

Then finally Tommy’s 2nd Limbo I think pretty clearly relates to Tommy asking before he died about why and how Dream saw things, and Dream’s comment of “everything was fine before you came!” so Limbo shows Tommy Dream’s pov at the beginning. Reflecting how Dream feels, his - “I just don’t want to ever be alone.”

Anyways, hopefully that made some sense, those are just some thoughts I have at the moment. Now I wanna hear yours. :) How do you think limbo works? What do you think Punz’s and Dream’s Limbos were? What were Vik’s, Lazar’s and Connor’s Limbos? What do you think would have been Tubbo’s, Techno’s or other character’s Limbos? How was Quackity able to visit Schlatt’s Limbo in the Las Nevadas stream?…

[meowzilla93]

Fancy meeting you here! Baxter in the five years after Step 4 please!!!

We both love this man to bits and pieces, but we are also realistic

This is a jumble of my thoughts put to paper, it may not be in order but it still all matters!

ALERT: I had so much to say I needed to split this into two posts cause i maxed the character limit......

Long distance relationships are hard work, no one said this was going to be easy

The two of you are making sure to keep up that hard work, keeping up the contact, looking after each other even with the many miles between you, and supporting each other

Thing is, Baxter only has two modes – 0 or 100.

He wasn’t kidding when he said he would text you multiple times a day when you first left, because this man really did

Asking about your day, hoping you are doing well, sending confidence boosting messages, the works

If this is something you love then its all fine!

But if this is a bit much for you, or your work really cant have you being distracted multiple times day, a chat will be needed

He understands, he is a little bashful that his actioned cause this convo but he understands

Idiot he is though, pulls back a touch too much and ends up messaging maybe once a day or once ever few days

You are going to need to teach him what it means to run at 50

And over time he will understand, he just needs that patience and understanding and OPEN COMMUNICATION!!!

You alternate visits with each other, trying to do it as often as work is possible but sometimes work does get in the way and it can be months before you see each other face to face again

You are REQUIRED to be prepared to be wrapped up in a Baxter Burrito TM as soon as he sees you and you are not going anywhere for the next 24-48 business hours

I have said it before, this mans love language is physical touch, and he is clingy

He almost puts Cove to shame with how clingy he is

Being together makes him realise a lot of things about himself, and that he needs to work on some trauma that he has from his childhood, and with your support starts seeing a psychologist

The changes are slow but steady; He might not realise it himself at first, but with the activities that the psychologist recommend he do, and learning how to channel his emotions correctly, you certainly do

And you couldn’t be more proud of him! Make sure you let him know!

He is the one to drop the ‘I love you’ bomb first

It just happened, he wasn’t thinking about anything specific, it wasn’t planned

He is simply cuddled up to you, on the couch talking nonsense with a glass of wine each

You had just finished laughing at one of his ridiculous stories, and he was just staring at you as you did with hearts in his eyes

As you wipe the tears from your eyes from laughter, he moves in close, kisses your temple and with a hum, just says those three little words

He doesn’t realise it at first; You froze and slowly turned to look at him

Suddenly the gears click and WHOOF he goes bright red

But he doesn’t take it back, he just looks anywhere else but you, unable to deal with what he did, but refusing to deny it

Please put him out of his misery and say it back, or kiss his first to relax him a touch and then say it

Those dimples of his have never looked sweeter than in that moment

Its been a year, and he really wants to see you more, but you both live so far away from each other

You both have careers in your cities and he refuses to pull you away from your success

Because of this, he is very hesitant to ask you to move in with him, or even vice versa

6 months down the track, you are at his apartment again but it’s the final night you are with him

He is in such a state, its winter, he doesn’t want to let you go home and knows it’ll be a probably a few months before he sees you again because he worries about travelling conditions and wants you to be safe

As you are cuddling in bed, he holds you with such a firm grip, like he is so afraid you’ll disappear if he lets go

Whilst in that Baxter Burrito TM, he whispers gently into your shoulder “Please stay…”

He thinks it was quiet enough that you wont hear, or that you’ve fallen asleep

But you heard it

Gently you turn around, he thinks you are just getting comfortable and you look him in the eyes

MC “Ask me Baxter.”

Baxter “What?”

MC “Ask me.”

You can see all the emotions run a race in his eyes as he realises that you are asking of him

Cupping your face, gently stroking your cheek with his thumb he asks again, without whispering

“Stay with me.”

“Next time, I will stay.”

Elated is a far too gentle word to explain his emotion but you can guarantee he is over the moon with joy

It takes time to organise the move, after all you both had your own separate lives and now you need to figure out how to merge the two together, but you make it work

Moving jobs is also something that needs to be considered, but if you work remotely, it doesn’t even really matter

It takes around 4-6 months to sort out the move with all the moving pieces, but you two are finally together, for good

Baxter loves to dance, and having you around more means he gets to indulge in his love two fold and tries to do it as often as he can

Are you a good dancer too? If you suggest to him to join an amateurs comp, he is ecstatic! He hasn’t choreographed in years and he gets a chance to use that skill once again

If you just prefer it being the two of you, he is more than happy to keep at that, dancing in the living area, the kitchen, shower, bedroom….

He is a plant guy

You can take this headcannon from my cold dead hands

He loves being able to water them and tend to them and they just add colour to his place and warmth

It becomes one of his favourite hobbies

Be careful as this means you will need to keep an eye out for any new plants he snuck into your home

If you have a pet he is very careful to ensure that he only has plants that are pet friendly

Oh he for sure has a little corner dedicated to pure black plants, how could he not

The next year flies buy with little issue

Oh there where teething issues living with each other for certain, but you both learnt how to talk with each other so that it didn’t turn into an argument

Boundaries were set and honoured and life couldn’t be easier

He starts being a touch more nostalgic about his childhood; He has managed to make some wonderful friends and kept those relationships up but he cant help but think about the friends he left behind in Golden Grove

PART TWO WILL BE REBLOGGED WITH THIS ASK!!!

[1dfangirls35]

I’ve been finding myself wanting to write down just what I’ve been thinking over the past 48 hours and who better to share them with then the former community I have through this blog.

I remember the day I learned about One Direction distinctly. While I think I had heard WMYB on the radio, it was another girl in my yearbook class watching the music video on YouTube my sophomore year of high school that subsequently lead me to stay up watching Funny Moments videos on my KindleFire late into the night. There was no going back after that.

It is hard to articulate precisely what One Direction means to me. I often joke that it’s a part of my personality at this point- much to my mother’s dismay of me never growing out of the “phase”. I lived and breathed One Direction throughout my last two and a half years of high school. Watching videos, writing fanfiction, sending fangirl Fridays to my friends, and even starting this blog. Through this band I made not only a best friend, but a community of worldwide fans. In the good old days, nothing could make me happier than staying up to listen to a new album (leaked more than likely), the boys tweeting out or going to a concert. That kind of pure happiness is something that I don’t think I have experienced to the same level in my adult life.

While I was always a Louis girl, this blog was started with a Lilo focus- with my friend at that time being a Liam fan. I have always viewed Liam as a strong foundation to the band- especially in the early days. “Daddy Directioner” always guiding them. His songwriting has also been part of many of my favorite tracks.

When Zayn left my freshman year of college, I truly thought that would be the worst day in the One Direction fandom, perhaps second only to the day they announced their 18 month hiatus. But soon I learned there was a whole new aspect to being a fan as each of the boys launched their solo careers. While some members of the fandom broke off and supported individual members, I stayed true to OT5 and was so looking forward to going to each one of their solo concerts.

The dream of course, was that one day they would reunite. 20 year old me thought that would be in less than 2 years, but as each anniversary passed, I started to have a new dream about the reunion. I had my savings account accumulating and knew that when the announcement came, that experience would be priceless. I didn’t care if I was in a nursing home or raising a baby I would be there. I looked forward to the feeling I would get when they announced a reunion or dropped an unreleased album- even if it didn’t happen until I was old and decrepit.

On Wednesday I learned there was a new worst day to be in the fandom- and that was the day I learned of Liam’s tragic passing. There would never be an OT5 reunion in the way that many of us dreamed of and more importantly we had lost a piece of the band.

I think the thing people in the fandom don’t understand is even though I’ve never met Liam- I still feel like he’s been incredibly influential to my life. It’s weird to grieve someone you’ve never met but yet means so much to you. One Direction and even the boys solo work has been a comfort to me at many stressful times. If I’m having a bad day it’s always my One Direction Forever playlist I turn to. I still can’t believe he’s gone. That I will never get to see him perform Strip That Down Live or throw water at Louis on stage again. There will never be a One Direction reunion- not in the way we have dreamed of.

As I’ve gotten older I’ve realized just how much these boys must have went through at the peak of One Direction. I look at myself between the 16-22 and see how little I knew at that age and how different of a person I was. I can’t even imagine what they went through with that level of fame at such a young age. We will never know what really happened to Liam. There were be speculations and autopsies and eye witness reports but the only person who knew what was going on in those hours leading up to his death is no longer with us. I only wish that he can now see the outpouring of love and support to a boy who shaped millions of lives around the world.

This tragedy is powerful reminder of the power of social media in both his negatives and positives. It’s a reminder that social media can be a harmful and toxic environment. But I’ve also realized over the past 48 hrs that social media can be a powerful tool for connection and community. My TikTok feed is full of memories of Liam and 1D. I’m in a groupchat for girls in my city setting up a tribute. Our fandom still continues to amaze me.

My heart aches for Liam’s friends and family. For Bear. For Niall, Harry, Louis and Zayn. I can’t even imagine what they are going through right now. I hope that even if this tragedy never leads us to a formal reunion between the remaining four, that this reconnects them together. I hope Liam is in a better place now and that all his pain and suffering are gone.

Take care of each other, take care of your friends and let us remember Liam as a boy that changed our lives forever. Let us remaninsce on all the joy he brought to our lives. One Direction isn’t One Direction without him 🥲.

Rest In Peace Payno

[entomjinx]

Polls can only be a day or a week here. Huh. wild You guys get a day I guess.

Wishing to be Wanted is part 2/14 for the All is Lost; All is Found series. Oneshot.

Luffy meets Ace and Sabo way earlier than in canon (four, a few months from five) and decides that he HAS to help them because they're as lonely as he was before Makino took him in.

Rosemary By The Roadside. Multichapter

Law/Luffy college AU, Friends to lovers, slowburn. Summary is a work in progress but: A little over four years ago, 14 year old Luffy lost his memories. His grandfather says it was the caused by the same incident that left a bullet in his shoulder and thigh. Now, he's 18, starting college, and finally has just a little bit of freedom from the strict rules put in place to keep him from getting hurt again. It's only a matter of time before he has real friends, and hopefully, new memories of something other than a private online tutor and a mostly bare studio apartment.

He can't wait.

I'm... extremly picky about amnesia fics, so much so that I won't read them unless a friends asks. So I decided fuck it, I'll write one myself so it doesn't have any of my squicks.

Tower of AI. Either a oneshot or I'll break each "blessing" up by chapter.

The strawhats meet someone who can put them through a "fun" little crew bonding excercise based in trust. The catch is that their captain cannot be told the truth about the items they're going to receive, or else they'll all die for real, the illusion taking over.

Tower of Ai is based on this song, and this is my favorite cover of it if you want to give it a listen and realize exactly what I'm going to put my poor sunshine boy through.

Dinghy Dipshits (series? Multichap? idk yet)

What if the Romance Dawn trio were in those dinghys for longer than in canon? How many cursed inside jokes can I give those three? Crack treated seriously and full of headcanons.

[blazehedgehog]

This is the first Victory Royale I've had in a month and a half. I don't want to say this Fortnite season has been "bad" in so many words, because I think the new jungle area is great, but in terms of what they've done with it, it's very... perfunctory. Which has been a lot of this chapter. You'd be hard pressed to wonder if Fortnite's best days are behind it.

In the early days, Fortnite used to have mystery! Intrigue! Then it had story, which was messy and poorly told. Then it got slightly better told, at the cost of demystifying and fleshing out some of its characters in such a way that it started to feel kind of lame. The personality and tone I imprinted on Fortnite's mystery was not what they ended up going with. A common pitfall.

The opening season of this chapter, Chapter 4, served as kind of an epilogue for what had happened in Fortnite up to this point. AMIE, a robot character introduced partway through Chapter 3, needed help to travel the multiverse in search of the heroes we lost in the transition to Chapter 4. In the climax of Season 1 of Chapter 4, she said goodbye to Jonesy, the guy who was literally the face of Fortnite for most of its life, and both of them disappeared.

Keep in mind that, within the story they were conveying, Jonesy didn't go anywhere. Not that they ever told us. He just stopped being in the story. Hasn't been seen or heard from again. And when he left, he apparently took the all of Fortnite's ongoing plot threads with him, because Chapter 4 Season 2 pretty much ignored everything and was about some kind of weird cyberpunk clan war. You had to "unite the clans" by doing some incredibly basic stuff like "hit an antenna with your stick." It wasn't terrible, but it didn't have anything to do with what we'd been dealing with for four years now, and by the end of the season it was clear things were coasting on fumes.

The thing about Fortnite's story is that, love or hate it, it provided secondary gameplay. It took some of the focus away from solely just winning a match and gave you a broader sense of accomplishment. Even if you only managed to finish 20th or something, maybe you got a couple of quests done and leveled up the battle pass. And, once they started doing voiced quests, maybe you got a little bit of somewhat amusing dialog to go with it. It was flavor, even if the flavor wasn't always what you wanted to taste at that particular time.

Now here we are in Chapter 4 Season 3 and things are the thinnest they've maybe ever been. A vast jungle has spread out, taking up close to a third of the entire island. It's full of ancient ruins, and there's just... nothing about it that matters.

Fortnite's story was always ongoing. You received new story quests every week or two, give or take. The map itself was always static, but things would evolve week by week. A story event might see a building get destroyed, and as the season progressed, something would happen to those ruins. Clean up vehicles would spawn around them, and trucks carrying rubble away would appear further and further down the road in every update. Fortnite's island felt alive, like people were living and working there behind the scenes in between matches.

As of this chapter, it's happening less, and less, and less. As seasons got longer, wait times between new story quest branches got longer. Last season things came to a head, with new additions to the story hitting every month and a half. You could often finish the next branch of story quests within an hour of their release, only to be told "Additional quests will be available in 48 days!"

And now, halfway through this season, those sorts of updates have grinded to a standstill. The jungle is our one big geographical update and the rest of the map hasn't been touched. I subscribe to someone on Youtube called PlaystationGrenade because he used to do these great videos breaking down all the fun changes every update, and last season he just outright gave up because there was nothing going on anymore.

There haven't even been any story quests at all this season -- audio logs are scattered around the jungle hinting at something big on the horizon, but they're mainly teasing what is probably going to be the end of Chapter 4 in December or January. It's July.

(There was a time where Fortnite didn't reboot the entire map every single year, and maybe that's contributing to this problem.)

The best we've gotten is a quest category called "Snapshots" which, since the season's launch on June 8th, has contained exactly one single snapshot. There's no plural there.

So it's not that I hate what they've done this season, it just feels like they drop a new biome on us and check out, and it's been a problem that's getting worse over time.

It maybe wouldn't bother me so much if it wasn't for the fact they spent years and years and years building up all this lore, all these characters, all of this story, and then just cut that all off at the knees and dip. I would accept this as the sunsetting of Fortnite, but it feels like there's unfinished business, and I'm sure it's not as though Fortnite is suddenly "out of money", you know? It just feels like they've stopped trying, or at least stopped trying in ways that matter.

Salt in the wound is that, perhaps to make up for how little there is to do this season, it feels like they've really cranked the heat up on their matchmaking algorithm. I'm not one to complain about the perils of "skill based matchmaking" (SBMM) but these last couple seasons have thrown me into the deepest end of the pool where I clearly do not feel comfortable in. All my games are full of people who are miles above my skill level, snap to my face, and melt me in one or two shots. And, without decent quest content or meaningful map evolution to act as a buffer, it's starting to feel real stale playing this game. It really does feel like Epic's top shelf creative talent is focusing their attention somewhere else, and these kinds of scraps is all that's left for Fortnite.

Even if they're just trying to go back to the raw, original Fortnite gameplay of being a Battle Royale first and foremost, to that I say... once you lean so much on story and story quests, that's not a genie you can just put back in the bottle. Especially if their grand ending is "everybody died and the few remaining survivors stopped caring." I didn't love Fortnite's story, but if they've gone this far, they should at least wrap it up.

Of course, it wouldn't be the first time Epic ended something like this on a wet fart, I guess.

[yourreddancer]

Edward Lucas

Monday November 04 2024, 12.01am GMT, The Times

Whether tomorrow’s election sends a transactional Donald Trump to the White House in January or the inexperienced Kamala Harris, our security is the loser. Years of dithering and timidity in Washington and of stinginess and complacency elsewhere have eroded, probably fatally, the network of alliances that underpinned global security for the past seven decades.

The decline is clearest here in Europe. In recent weeks I have been in Prague, Riga and Warsaw. The mood in these frontline states is bleak. War is likely, and sooner than we think. Assuming Russia beats Ukraine to a standstill, President Putin’s forces could be ready for more in two years, or less. Everyone still hopes that Nato will work and that the United States will come to help. Few believe it.

We are scandalously ill-prepared for this. Our armed forces lack the muscle, supplies or logistics to fight a real war. As a scathing report this year by Sweden’s FOI defence think tank pointed out, Britain could at best provide a “limited expeditionary force” that would have “serious issues with sustainability”.

Putin knows that. So do our friends, exasperated with our habit of over-promising and under-delivering. The Nordic and Baltic members in the ten-country Joint Expeditionary Force, supposedly UK-led, will give Keir Starmer an earful over this at a summit in Tallinn in December. These vital allies may start looking elsewhere for leadership.

Starmer should be even more worried that we cannot defend ourselves. This country largely lacks air defences to protect us against the missiles that rain down daily on Ukraine’s cities and infrastructure. On a good day, assuming (fingers crossed) one of our Type 45 destroyers is seaworthy and moored in the Thames estuary, it could protect London. But only for a few hours. Once that warship has fired its 48 Aster air-defence missiles it must reload from our skimpy stockpile. That would take most of a day, assuming (also) that we still have a functioning naval base.

We assume (again) that allies will protect us. But in the event of war, other European countries’ air defences will also be fully stretched. A minimum protective shield for southeastern England alone would cost £16 billion. What chance of that? The politics of taxing the rest of the country to defend one bit of it are tricky. But a shield for the whole of the UK will be prohibitively costly.

Self-deceit is our biggest weakness. We hollowed out our armed forces, disguising the damage with secrecy and boosterism. We fired Russia-watchers who told inconvenient truths to those in power. They include Keir Giles, whose defence analysis outfit was abolished in 2010. His new book Who Will Defend Europe? is a blistering account of our defence shortcomings. He tells me that he sees “no sign” the new government has recognised the urgency of the challenge.

Russia is attacking us right now, with sabotage and other mischief. A man from Leicestershire last month pleaded guilty to aggravated arson, carried out on behalf of the Russian mercenary Wagner group. Counterterrorism police are investigating a parcel bomb in Birmingham; similar incidents in Poland and Germany could have brought down planes carrying air freight. Mysterious blazes abound: at a Monmouthshire ammunition plant in April and this week at our nuclear submarine shipyard in Barrow.

“There have been other unexplained fires and incidents at other UK defence companies,” says Francis Tusa, the editor of Defence Analysis and one of this country’s leading military pundits. Officials and the companies concerned “clam up” on these topics, he says. But hushing up Russia’s mischief invites yet more mayhem.

Our clapped-out nuclear submarines, and eventually their delayed, wildly over-budget replacements, offer tenuous reassurance against the doomsday scenario of a full-blown nuclear attack. But they evidently do not stop the aggression we face now. We urgently need to boost our resilience to these “sub-threshold” attacks with better defences of our infrastructure, industry and institutions, public and private. We need a new arsenal of crafty, painful countermeasures too.

Some countries are prepared: Finland has six-month stockpiles of food, fuel and medicine, and spaces in bomb shelters for every resident. It responds with firmness to Russian mischief. A Finnish court is the first to enforce an international judgment on confiscating Russian property to compensate Ukraine. Estonia is spending a quarter of its defence budget on ammunition alone. Poland has the biggest and most effective conventional forces in Europe. These countries see an existential threat from Russia and will fight alone if necessary. They may have to.

Ukrainians are paying for our failures. They cannot defend their crumbling front line and battered cities against Russia’s onslaught because American aid comes too little, too late, and festooned with restrictions, preventing them striking at the invaders’ airbases and troop concentrations. But we will pay later.

We had the chance to counter Kremlin imperialism alongside a big, strong, united country. Scared of the risks and costs of providing real military support, we did not take it. Ukraine bought us time to build up our own defences. We wasted that too. Disappointment there is turning to despair — and fury. A defeated, hopeless, traumatised Ukraine will be a gigantic problem for all of Europe. Meanwhile, our safety and freedom rest on a fragile assumption: that the next US administration will care more about our security than we do.

[godsnameisjoy]

THE PEACE HABIT

Date: 7 July 2024

Duration: 43 minutes at 10:02 PM

Depth:

This meditation was so good. I gave myself no opportunity to make this meditation a good one. I had napped earlier in the afternoon. I worked a few hours in the morning, not all day. I had consumed alcohol and watched TV later in the evening. Not one of those activities came in the way of the blessed flow of life energy as I meditated last night.

Other than the work in the morning, there isn’t any activity that I indulged in yesterday that Gurudev Paramahansa Yogananda recommends to turn into a habit. I am not providing a good example in any aspect of my life other than meditation.

In fact, till just a few years back, TV, alcohol and napping would cause feelings of regret when I would sit for meditation. Till the end of 2022, life energy hadn’t begun trickling inside my head during meditation. The grooves of thought in my head were from all the habits formed until 2022 at the age of 48 years.

These habits would get louder when fed with corresponding action. They would, in one way or another, keep me from finding my best depth in meditation. I would regret not working through the day if I didn’t find my attention tired enough to seek depths that are far beyond my subconscious.

My relation with my habits seems to have undergone a change in the last 18 months. The change is so good that it feels like a blessing. I am growing through my current meditations after a month of not meditating regularly. I am growing depth despite my lack of success in undoing unwanted habits. That’s the power of life energy. When in the head, the blessed force is perceived as peace.

Peace is liquid and changes the grooves in one’s head. Spiritual changes are irreversible, says the Bhagwad Gita. I had no reason to experience the most attractive sound from within my head during last night’s meditation and yet I did. It wasn’t any different from the clicks and clacks that no one but I heard regularly back in June to December of 2023. However, last night the same sound was attractive. The sound had a beauty to it. I wasn’t left high and dry after last night’s meditation.

Only peace can do this. It has the power to overcome several bad habits.

[palepinkferriswheel]

exploring a haunted house

There was a legend about the house on the corner of the street. The decrepit and run-down structure had a sinister reputation and carried with it the somber tale of impending doom. People would avoid walking past the house, believing it to be cursed. There was also something not right about the window. It was slightly crooked as if it tried to escape the very wall that held it. 

Standing in the house, in front of the same window, made me realize that what I thought was wrong. The corridors of the world harbored it’s own form of haunting. One that transcended brick and mortar.

The world is a cruel place. The Cheshire cat was right. We’re all mad here. But, all the best people are. 

Sanity is an illusion.

Sometimes you have to fall through a rabbit hole to find your wonderland.

So I did. I fell hard. Into a world of chaos. Into a world of sin.

I kept burning the midnight oil and I kept burning the bridges. I worked hard for money. And then I didn’t. The whispered conversations in smoke-filled rooms and the loud laughters reverbrating within boardrooms led me to realise that greed was the sweetest poison and led me to where I am today.

Almost killed. 

The dance with death provided a jarring awakening that there was a fine line between greed and ambition. It made me realize escaping one rabbit hole only led to the descent into another, more perilous one.

Wonderland wasn’t a realm of enchantment. It was a harrowing abyss and I had become a prisoner of my own pretensions.

The assassination attempt was not unexpected. I lived a life of paranoia, where danger lurks in the shadows and enemies are around every corner. So, when an intruder arrived at my mansion, gun in hand, I was ready.  Oddly enough, I had fantasized about it. 

Faking your own death takes a certain kind of madness, a willingness to leave your old life behind. But in this line of work, the line between the living and the dead blurs more often than you'd think.

They thought I was dead. A cold, lifeless body in a morgue drawer, a nameless victim of a twisted game.

Peering out the window, the red and blue lights made my eyes squint. This was the fourth time they had been here in the last two months. My mind raced to the day I decided to disappear from the world’s radar. I was presumed dead within 48 hours. The pool of blood and the severed finger left behind at the crime scene had played their part to perfection, obscuring my escape.

With each subsequent visit from the police, my resolve had been tested. They never imagined I'd become the ghost they had tried to create, a specter haunting the periphery of their investigations. 

I poured myself another drink as I pulled out my new phone as the notification of a text floated on my screen. The message on my phone had indicated that my client was almost here.

Man was after all a social animal. I couldn't find peace in death, so I had decided to chase my dream of becoming a private investigator.

The world is a masquerade and everyone’s wearing masks.My job was to strip away those masks, to expose the real faces beneath. In the last two months, In the last two months, all I had seen was cheating spouses and fraudulent business dealings. 

I became curiouser and curiouser with every passing second about the new case. The client's assistant had been cryptic, promising to reveal all information, including the client's name, during our meeting.

A knock on the door brought me out of my reverie. The floorboards creaked with every step I took towards the door. The old door wouldn’t open so I had to twist the doorknobs a few times.

Before me stood a tanned man, dressed in a black Tom Ford suit and dark shades, exuding a dark yet powerful aura. The room was dim, and I couldn't see his face clearly.

“Mr. Walters?” The voice was eerily familiar.

Ivory Walters was my mother’s maiden name. She had always loved me unconditionally, even though all she got in return was her husband’s belt scars on her back.

I nodded cautiously.

"My secretary must have called you. I am—" he spoke up.

"Archer Kennedy," I interrupted, and my heart quickened, my palms growing clammy as I recognized the voice.

“Do I know you? I had  explicitly asked my secretary to not reveal my name or any other information” he said, his suspicion palpable

Swallowing hard, I spoke up, my voice trembling, "I'm a private investigator, Mr. Kennedy. It's my job to know my clients."

He smiled, but it was a smile that sent shivers down my spine.

My little charade was over.

He stepped inside the house and removed his shades and surveyed the house. A fleeting thought of escape crossed my mind as I glanced toward the door.

"You certainly have quite a house," he chuckled, a hint of amusement in his voice.

He turned around and I could see his face clearly. His eyes shone like green beacons. The green that Gatsby must’ve seen every night before he ended up dead. It seemed like a warning as an unspoken truth hung in the air.

"Please, have a seat," I gestured toward a worn-out chair in the corner of the room. 

Kennedy looked at me, not blinking for a few seconds and then nodded. As he settled in, my throat went dry. I knew from the beginning that this was not going to be a run-of-the-mill case. I would either emerge victorious or become yet another skeleton in his closet. 

He seemed impressed when I kept a bottle of Moonshine in front of him. He then removed a few photos from his coat and handed them to me.

“I have a case for you Mr. Walters”, his presence oppressive in the small room. “I want you to investigate the death of Theodore Kingsley”

Jack Kingsley was a bully. He had power and he abused it. Taking bribes, molesting women and public disorder. He had done it all. The one thing I regretted was that I had his eyes. I had my father's eyes. The photos were like a mirror and I was staring right into Theodore’s eyes. Into my eyes.

Archer Kennedy knew more about me than I had anticipated.

He leaned in and spoke in a low voice, “You see, I have reasons to believe that Theo is still alive”

I cleared my throat, “The entire world believes he is dead. The police suspect his body was thrown off the nearby cliff.”

He was meticulously dressed. The thing about about such people was that even if their worlds were at sixes and sevens, they would still be dressed to the nines.

Archer leaned back in the worn-out chair, his fingers drumming lightly on his glass. His lips curled into a cryptic smile, and he took a slow sip of his drink. “Theo was a master of deception, Mr. Walters. He had a knack for making people believe what he wanted them to believe."

"Are you suggesting that he faked his own death?" I asked, trying to maintain a facade of ignorance.

Kennedy's eyes locked onto mine, and I could see the intensity in his gaze. "I don't suggest things. I investigate. And my investigation has led me to believe that Kingsley is still alive, hiding in the shadows, biding his time."

My carefully constructed new identity was unraveling. The haircut, tattoos, and weight loss couldn't hide my true self from Kennedy. My cards were about to be on the table and he was about to play his ace.

Every note that I had spent, played in my ears like a haunting melody.

“Why do you want to find him?” I inquired.

He sighed and sat back in his chair, “Theo was my business partner. We were friends. I don’t know what led him to make this decision but I want to help him because something tells me he is not exactly safe.”

Lie.

I leaned forward, trying to appear intrigued and sympathetic, though my heart raced with unease. "What do you need from me, Mr. Kennedy?"

He looked at me and spoke with a sense of urgency, “"I need you to find Theodore Kingsley, confirm whether he's alive or dead, and if he's alive”

He gulped his drink and continued “I need to ensure his safety."

Archer Kennedy was not a man who could be motivated purely by altruism.

I  weighed the options in my mind. The man who had once been my business partner was now asking for my assistance in finding the very person I had tried to bury. Myself.

I glanced outside the window to see the street lights flickering like it was morse code asking me to run away.

“I’ll do it” I assured him.

“You’re a smart man, Mr. Walters.” Archer said, his voice holding a layer of inscrutability.

I tried to maintain my composure, pushing my doubts and fears to the back of my mind. "I'll need some more information to start the investigation, Mr. Kennedy. Everything you can provide about Kingsley's disappearance would be helpful."

Kennedy nodded and reached into his coat pocket, pulling out a small envelope. He placed it on the table and slid it toward me. "Inside you'll find everything you need to know about his disappearance, his last known whereabouts, associates, and any other details that might be pertinent to your investigation."

He rose from his chair, his presence still overwhelming in the dimly lit room. "Good," he said with a nod. "I'll be in touch. Remember, Mr. Walters, time is of essence."

He extended his hand for a handshake, and I returned the gesture. I couldn't help but feel I had struck a deal with the devil. Kennedy scrutinized my hand and I froze.

“What happened to your finger?” he asked, sending chills down my spine.

“A careless accident” I shrugged, my heart in my throat.

He looked at me, doubt evident in his eyes, but he nodded and walked out the door.

When I watched him drive away into the night in his sleek black car, I sat down. I felt the world spin around me. It was as if Death himself had visited, handing me a scythe with which to end my own life. Days following my’death’, I pieced together that my business partner had orchestrated the assassination. The very man who had tried to kill me was the one whom I had made a dangerous deal with. Again.

I had entered into multiple deals with him, a daring risk-taker by nature, a trait I lacked. I had indulged for some time, my judgment clouded by the allure of wealth. But, if you grew hemlock with roses, the roses would die and these risks had proven dangerous for our company. When I finally mustered the courage to ask him to stop or quit, he chose to eliminate me from the equation.

I sifted through the folder. All the details about the deals, the news articles and photos. I read the articles one by one. The life story I wrote now led me to my tomb.

I stood, my legs still shaking and grabbed my car keys. I had bought a second-hand car with cash under a fake name which couldn’t be traced. I looked at the house in my rearview mirror. I had to run away. I wasn’t drunk but my vision was blurry. I started the car and stepped on the gas and drove off. Towards my new life.

………………………………………………………………

The next morning, Theodore Kingsley's lifeless body hung precariously from a gnarled tree branch at the edge of the cliff.

As the authorities arrived to investigate the macabre scene, their faces twisted in confusion.

The legend about the house on the corner was true.

[jeonqkooks]

to my dearest beloved ♡ just like that, the tailend of summer is upon us. has the blistering heat been treating you alright? hopefully you kept yourself hydrated and fed to ward out fatigue. what have you been up to these days? has work been smooth? have you seen any movies or shows as of late? i certainly hope you've had time for yourself amidst the chaos of life, here and there.

i've taken the time to look through your blog to catch up the last little while, and remembered that you used to have a tag for me! i filtered through it and felt myself grow guilty since you left me posts and messages there that i hadn't seen -- i'm sorry for leaving you speaking into the void; for not answering your calls. i know it's not enough to respond now but for what it's worth, i'm eternally grateful you think of me and leave me behind notes for me to open up whenever i happen to swing by. i'll try to make up for a pixel of what you provide to me in these letters of mine ♡

you told me in a previous reply that you'll be going home in november! is that still the plan? how are you feeling about that? are you excited, nervous, a little bit of both? hopefully all goes smoothly by that time and you are greeted with love by your family. will you be staying long, for the visit? hopefully you also enjoy all the homecooked meals and mini adventures i'm sure you'll get up to. i've only ever gone to vn once in my life, when i was a tiny kid -- i don't remember much now. (other than the vendors selling bánh canh for breakfast and me burning my left calf on a motorcycle exhaust ;-; i still have the scar!)

as for about me the last little while, life has been dizzying but in a good way. (1) i've recently gotten promoted at work (*´︶`*) ! which is crazy to me, because i've only been working at my clinic for just over a year... i had maybe 48 hours of full-on freakouts about the matter, feeling the suckerpunch of imposter syndrome and anxiety, but it was ultimately my circle of those closest to me that encouraged me to take the position ;u; it's going to be a huge, HUGE professional shift for me but it will open more doors than i could imagine. i'll be biting my fist probably the first 3 months into this but! slow and steady!!! (2) truly entering the era of seeing friends getting engaged and going to wedding ceremonies, left and right. it's making me excitedly nervous of hoping one of my closest friends will pop the news one day too! (i will bawl my eyes out, rip me and my makeup.) my love and i have gotten to the point in our relationship where we freely say to each other things like do you think we could have that at our wedding too? and okay but a good portion of our budget should go to the food, duh HAHA many people are asking us when is our turn, as we're hitting 6.5 years in august, but we're obviously not ready yet -- and that's okay~ we got the roles down though, of who would organize/take care of what, since he knows how much planning helps me feel safe and secure (TヮT) (3) i'm optimistic of how my strained relationships with certain family members will pan out, since i've been actively going to therapy to help heal my inner child from feelings of abandonment and pressure of being the eldest girl. it's oddly taboo to talk about actually receiving therapy, despite it being encouraged all the time in modern day today; i always get a pitiful look whenever i tell someone in passing that therapy has actually been helping me the last two months. it makes me a little sad knowing judgment still circulates for mental health but i suppose it's more of a mental game for me to get over.

goodness, my letters are out of control in terms of length. i'm sorry for breaking your screen and possibly your brain, jen love. take your time with this -- and maybe you wish not to respond at all and that's okay with me too. just know that i'm thinking of you, wholeheartedly, and am sitting down with a cup of tea beside you for a chat.

i miss you, eternally. thương thương~

with all my love,

cee ♡

can you imagine the way i soared when i came back from making dinner to see this in my inbox.. every time you swing by i swear it makes my whole day :')

the weather has been so weird here lately. just last week i was feeling like a lobster being boiled alive lol and now it's so cold that everyone's busting out their sweaters and hoodies again. work is okay, altho i'm getting restless and i'm already on the hunt for the next thing 😰 one of my closest friends here (who's also my roommate) is moving away in a few days so i've also been thinking about moving to another country

i'm so behind on all of my shows bc i'm getting into TXT 😂 tho i did go and see Barbie yesterday and that was the first time i ever cried in a movie theater lol

i do mean it when i say that i miss you on tumblr a lot and whenever certain things happen, i just think "I WISH I COULD TELL CEE" 😂 i'll leave all my notes to you under your tag from now on hehehhee. but ofc please never feel guilty about not seeing them. i know my blog isn't the most organized space and chaos ensues here every day hahahaha, but more importantly i know you've got a lot of things going on and i'm just grateful that you're here in any capacity at all <3

the plan is still to go home in november! i bought my plane ticket back in may :D i'll only be there for about 3 weeks, which is kinda short considering i haven't been back since early 2020, but oh well. i had to coordinate with my sister so we could both be there at the same time (she moved to canada so now geographically she's even closer to you than i am 😂). from now on i'd like it if i could go back every year but we shall see how things turn out! i've been so excited about it ever since i got the ticket (tho i can't say i'm looking forward to the 16hr long flight) and i've had to start putting myself on a diet in preparation for three whole weeks of nonstop eating once i'm back home lol. believe it not, i have never had bánh canh in my 23 years on this earth 😂 am i failing my people 😂

congratulations on your promotion!! your friends have probably talked your ears off about this but you're so smart and hardworking and you deserve this so so much <33 i'm glad to hear that you've started therapy too. i know it's not a very widely accepted concept in our culture but it's a huge step, and i'm proud of you for taking it <3 every time you mention your beloved i just go :')) bc you two are so wholesome it's like maybe!jk coming to life 😂 happy 6.5-year anniversary to you in advance <3

you could send me a whole thesis-length letter and i'd still ask for more 😂 thank you for popping in and letting my july end on a happy note. love you and miss you always, thương thương ♡

[centurypainting-nc]

How To Paint A House Using These Tips And Tricks

You've probably heard that painting a house is a huge job. And you may have also heard that it's one of those jobs that can take months to finish. Let me tell you: Painting your home isn't easy, but it doesn't have to be hard, either. In fact, I've painted several different houses in my life, and each time was better than the last because I learned how to do things better the next time around!

Painting a house is a major project that can take weeks.

You'll want to plan ahead, as well as make sure you have all the supplies and tools necessary to complete the job. There are several different ways to paint a house: by yourself, with friends or family members, or with hired help. If you're going at it alone, be prepared for some heavy lifting! Hiring professional painters can be expensive but will save time--and if you plan on selling your home soon after painting it (or even just want it done quickly), this may be your best option.

Don't paint when the weather is bad.

There is no point in painting your house if you don't want it to look its best. The weather can affect the drying time of paint and make it difficult for you to get a good finish, which means that your house will be exposed to more damage from water and other elements. If the temperature outside is too high or low, then this will also affect how quickly or slowly the paint dries on your walls and ceiling.

If you are using an oil-based primer or topcoat, then bad weather may cause them not only take longer than expected but also become more expensive because they need special equipment like heaters/air conditioners installed inside rooms where painting takes place so as not ruin their expensive materials!

Consider painting your house during the off-season of your city.

If you're planning on painting your house and want to save money, consider painting it during the off-season of your city. This will allow you to take advantage of better weather conditions as well as fewer people around who could get in the way while you work. You can also expect lower prices on materials like paint because they won't need to be stored for long periods of time before being sold again.

Additionally, if there are any events going on at nearby parks or recreational facilities that would normally attract visitors during this time period (e.g., summer camps), then it may be easier for them not only access those places but also find parking nearby--making them less likely than usual for anyone else who wants access

Always use quality paint and brushes.

Use high-quality paints for both interior and exterior painting projects. The better the paint, the longer it will last, and you'll have fewer touch-ups to do later on.

For interior walls, latex paints tend to be easier to work with than oil-based paints because they don't require as much ventilation or drying time. However, if your home has old wood trim or other surfaces that need protection from moisture damage (such as a deck), an oil-based stain is better suited for those materials than latex paint would be.

Use painter's tape to protect windows.

Painter's tape is a great investment for your painting project. It will protect the areas you want to keep paint-free, like windows and trim, while still allowing the rest of your house to be painted.

Painter's tape is easy to remove from any surface without damaging it in any way (unlike masking tape).

You can use painter's tape on anything from wood siding to windowsills, so it has more uses than other types of tapes do.

And best of all: painter's tape doesn't leave behind residue when removed--so there won't be any messes left behind!

Schedule at least five days for drying time between coats of paint.

It's important to let your paint dry completely before you apply another coat. If you don't, the paint will run and cause problems later on.

It takes 24-48 hours for most paints to dry, but some may take longer depending on what kind of surface they're applied to and how thickly they're applied. You should always check with the manufacturer's instructions before applying any new layer of paint over old layers in order to determine how long it will take for each layer to dry completely--and then schedule accordingly!

Get someone to help you out!

If you're painting a high wall, use a ladder to reach the top. If there are hard-to-reach areas in your home, consider getting someone to help out! If you're painting with an extension pole and it breaks (or if it just feels like too much work), try using a paintbrush with a long handle instead.

It's not as hard as you think.

It's not as hard as you think, but it still takes some planning and effort!

You can do it!

You will need to plan ahead. Make sure that you have all of the supplies that you need before starting your project so that there is no interruption in the middle of painting your home. Also, make sure that everything is ready for when they arrive at their destination (i.e., if they're going to be delivered by mail). This way, there will be no delays in getting started on time with our next step: preparation!

We're Century Painting, and we're here to make your home look better than it ever has before. We're not just painters—we're artists who are dedicated to making sure that every one of our clients gets the best possible results. We work hard to make sure that our customers are always satisfied with the quality of their project and the time it takes us to complete it. We know how important your home is to you, and we want to help you make it look the way you've always imagined.

With our experience Charlotte NC painters, we know what makes a great painting job. We live here too! Our goal is always to provide you with the best service possible at an affordable price. Whether you need interior or exterior painting or want some exterior staining done on your deck or patio furniture, we can help! We'd love to meet with you and discuss how we can make your house look amazing so give us a call today!

Century Painting 6201 Boykin Spaniel Rd, Charlotte, NC 28277, United States +17042459409 https://www.centurypaintingnc.com/ https://www.google.com/maps?cid=1817105075853326938

[amassgraveofsaints]

start somewhere

as i write this, it's june 18th, 2023.

mom is out on a business trip, dad is asleep, not for long though as he has to wake up in a few minutes.

it's my friend's birthday, and while the day is young and it's a worthwhile reason to celebrate, this is the lowest i've been in a while.

i was supposed to go to new york with my dad last night, my idea of an early father's day gift, however earlier he fell and hit his head on a table. thankfully, he's okay, though it did put a scare on me and a damper on my mood for a good portion of the day.

he's still in high spirits, eager to care for his youngest as always, and just as ready to go to work like every other day, and i can't blame him. can't let small mistakes ruin your mood.

i feel as though i'm wired different from most, though. either that or all those small mistakes are piling up, as when i walked alone for the first time in years to the supermarket, everything just... hit me.

i remember when, too. 6:45pm; an hour and 15 minutes before aew collision, and around the time the first openers were to come on at that show.

maybe it was the music. maybe it was the situation i found myself in. maybe it was the loneliness. maybe it was the shoes, which i had bought for that concert and i saw as a reminder of how much my parents love me in spite of the stupid shit i ask of them daily.

i looked tired on the outside, and i was looking for tea, so to the passerby, i'd probably just look like i was looking for a pick-me-up. internally, all of my fears, sins, and bad memories had come back with a vengeance.

there's way more negative i can say about myself than positive, but there's only so much time in the world for me to bring it all up, and the one thing i hate worse than myself is how little time there is in the world.

i can't spend forever looking back or looking forward. and yet i despise looking at the now. the past looks empty, the future looks like nothing, and the present looks even lesser than both.

but this doesn't stop the clock from ticking. and ticking. and ticking.

midnight always comes one way or another, no matter what we do.

and so the clock moved, and yet as it moved i forgot everything i did in that supermarket.

i got my stuff and left, and everything else is a blur.

i got home at around 7:58, eager to watch aew collision with my dad in lieu of the concert. i gave him the father's day gift i was to give him today then and there, and he embraced me for a hug.

aew collision began, and we watched. and as i watched, all my fears had vanished.

dm's from friends rolled in as one spectacle happened that night after another. me and my dad were ecstatic at the big spots.

it didn't fully hit me, but i understood at that moment, something i probably won't understand again in my life.

time is finite, and ever crawling. one day we will be here, the next we won't. make the most of things that disrupt your pattern. spend what you have with people you care about. chess, or a funny co-op game, or watching tabloid news shows/pro wrestling together. even if it's only for a little bit, or if it's mundane, cherish it.

as i write this, it's june 18th, 2023.

it's 4:50 am, dad is asleep. he's only slept a handful of hours due to caring for me amidst mom not being here, and yet the couple of times he woke up he's still got a smile on his face and a thumb pointed upwards.

it's my friend's birthday, a day we started off with by playing chess and cod at the same time, many a laugh to be had before she went to sleep.

i'm alone in my bed. i feel nothing like the alone i was at the supermarket.

i'm 20.

my friend is 20.

my mom is 53, 54 this wednesday.

my dad is 47, 48 next month.

the clock moves.

i know our time is finite, but for now at least, all i see is "today after today after today".

tomorrow, at night, mom will be back from her business trip and things will be back to normal, most likely.

uncle wakes up to go to work at 4:50pm, dad comes home at 5:30pm, i watch inside edition at 7pm, and the occasional chat with my online friends throughout.

last night was an outlier, as dad was off work the whole day and it's the first time since february me and him spent the whole day together.

that time we went to a concert.

this time we didn't.

there's more chances, and i won't let this roadblock fuck my day up for now.

even as things go back to business as usual, i will, at least for a couple of days, learn to appreciate today for what it is. maybe even convince dad to go to a concert next week just for us to make up for it.

will he agree? probably not.

but if not, then at least i'll have a newfound appreciation for the time we all spend together.

after all, you never know when the clock will stop unti

[vikingqueen96]

Devil in Disguise

Life was not going well for KR. Left at 8 weeks pregnant. She suffered alone until December 15th, 2021. Her birthday. She had the choice between Olive Garden and Outback Steakhouse for her birthday dinner. She chose Olive Garden. Litte did she know that that night was going to change her entire life.

KR, her dad, her sister, and her step mom all gathered at the table at the restaurant. "Welcome to Olive Garden. My name is VP and I'll be taking care of you guys this evening." Those words clanged in her mind with powerful attraction. She was instantly in awe of his looks. Dinner went like a normal dinner would go until the very end when KR decided to take a leap of faith. She is an avid player in Dungeons and Dragons and always carried around her lucky 20 sided dice. She leaned over to her sister. "1-10 i dont give him my number. 11-20 i do". As luck would have it she rolled a natural 20. It was decided. She gave him her number and he contacted her that evening.

VP ended up going to her apartment that night and they talked all through the night. They realized they had so much in common and after a few days decided to become girlfriend and boyfriend. They had a mostly happy relationship. Life hit hard when they moved in together and had to figure out what to do about KR's pregnancy. The hard decision was made to put the baby up for adoption. They researched famIlies until they found the perfect one. Because of the decision KR grew depressed as the due date grew ever closer. VP grew distant and his entire personality began to change. He was becoming cold and would push her around. On occasion he left bruising on her body but she always made excuses for him. Around month 8 of her pregnancy she grew tired of his games and at that moment, VP turned the tables and asked her to marry him. Without a thought she said yes dispite the numerous red flags.

Delivery day came and they sat in the delivery room waiting for the little boy to arrive. He finally did after what seemed like ages. He was a healthy baby boy that would come to be known as GT. After KR was moved to a different room, VP left. KR was alone over night in the hospital and had to be driven home by VP's cousin CW. She was mean and drove recklessly. Every bumb and turn made KR’s body ache. Once home she tried to sleep but she was overcome with sadness that she was left alone and had to leave her child there. She reassured herself that it was the right decision but that didnt make it any less painful.

2 weeks after her delivery, KR decided to try and go back to work dispite the pain. She needed to keep her mind off the adoption. After a couple weeks she realized it was much too soon to be working again and quit her job. She hadnt told VP yet but he found out the day after when he got her her favorite starbucks tea and was taking it to her at work. When he found out he threw the tea out the window and came home and kicked her out of their apartment. She drove to a parking lot across the street and begged him to let her back in. She had nowhere else to go. After a few hours he finally let her back in but things were about to take a turn for the worst. It only took about 20 minutes for police to arrive. VP had called and reported that KR was self harming and needed to be put on a 48 hour hold. She had no choice but to go. She was poked and prodded and stripped down at the hospital. She had to wait until the next morning to be seen by a psychiatrist. She told the doctors that her boyfriend lied to them. She was telling the honest to god truth. She never hurt herself and she could never do harm to another. They released her and she had to sit outside the hospital until her dad could pick her up and take her home.

She got home and most of VP's belongings were gone. However he still came home that next day. They agreed to do couples therapy and started doing that once a week. It seemed like things were getting better but she was wrong. In early August of 2022 KR woke up like normal and decided to play video games for a little bit before she had to go to work. VP woke up not too long after and sat next to her. She was showing him this cool thing she did and he piped up and said "This isn't going to work." KR was shocked and didn't know what to say. There was a knock on the door moments later and KR just wanted to be alone so she got up and left for the bedroom. VP chased after her and slammed her into the wall and onto the floor and ran to the room. He grabbed KR’s safe where she keeps her pistol. she noticed this and ran to the door and answered it. 2 police officers were there. VP ran out and told the oficers that KR was going for her gun because she said she was going to shoot him and then herself. Another lie. The officers stayed there while VP moved his belongings out. KR couldnt handle the pain that she felt and left for a little bit. At that moment she didnt care if he took any of her stuff. She then realized that they had a joint bank account and her paycheck was deposited there. She quickly transferred it out and then went home. He was gone by the time she got back. He called her and accused her of stealing his money. She tried to tell him that she only took out her paycheck and not a penny more. He would not back down and he would not forget.

For the next few days she sat in silence and wondered where she went wrong. Her life was crumbling around her. KR then had a doctors appointment where she found out that she had a brain tumor and she never felt more alone. She found out it was a tumor on her petuitary gland and she was scared to death. She reached out to VP to let him know and ask if she can just talk to him. He had isolated her from most of her friends and family and he was all she had left. She didnt know what else to do. He didnt care what she had to say. He assumed it was just a ploy to get back together with him. A couple more days went by and she got a call from the police department saying that VP filed for a restraining order against KR. She was heartbroken but accepted the fact that he probably never loved her.

Only a couple more days went by and animal control showed up at KR's apartment. VP and his cousin filed a report of animal abuse for her service dog, Valkyrie. KR showed them around the apartment and showed them how her dog was kept. They found absolutely no sign of neglect. Valkyrie was fat and happy and laid in the living room chewing her bone while they went around the house. She got a copy of the report and she thought that was that. Well it wasnt. Around 2am KR heard a loud banging on her front door and there were to cops standing there. They had woken her up from a dead sleep. They informed her that VP had caled in a wellness check on her and was insisting that they put her on another hold. She told them of the events of the past week. They found her to not be in danger of hurting herself or others. They apologized for disturbing her and left. This happened 2 more times after this. every couple days for a week he called in a wellness check on her. What did he care? he left her. he broke her.

September came around and things were silent until KR started recieving threatening text messages and emails from VP. On September 10th, 2022 KR was walking her dog and was attacked by a man in a hoodie and dark pants. Her wrist was sprained and her face and neck was bruised. The man stated "VP sends his regaurds." She couldnt believe what had happened to her. She went to the emergency room where they treated her and contacted metro police department. She filed a police report but nothing ever came of it. on Septemper 11th KR recieved a text message from an unknown number stating "Haha you got your *** handed to you! Serves you right you stupid *****! No one is going to believe you. If you even try to tell anybody then ill make sure they never find you. I'm always watching. I know your every move." KR could only assume it was VP who sent it. It hurt her to think he would do such a thing to her. only 3 days went by and she recieved even more texts from VP. "You can't get rid of me that easily. I'm always there. watching. and waiting. you have until noon to run back to Ohio. If you don't then I will come find you. Remember, I know where you live. I know where you keep your gun. I'm not afraid to use it on you and claim self defense. Not like you and hide it in your safe. I have the keys and you are never getting them back. Better hurry and pack *****. We see you are still home." KR called the police and filed another police report but of course they didnt listen to her. The messaged just kept coming in. All stuff saying "Go kill yourself" "You dont deserve to live.""You are nothing." KR tried to stay strong and continue on but she didnt know what to do. He just would not stop.

Around the end of September early October the maintenance man from her apartment walked in and was confused when he saw her there. KR went down to the front office and the property manager called the police on her. They showed up and informed her that VP had broken the lease on their apartment and that the community was going to start the eviction process. In a panic, KR called everyone she could think of to find a place to live for a while. eventually her grandmother came to the rescue and said she could live with her up in Anthem. She started packing immediately and moved within a couple weeks. She had a chance to start over and get her life together and to save money.

Things were finally looking up. VP was still emailing and texting her but she just kept on blocking the numbers. She knew the police wouldnt listen to her so why bother. She spent all of her time driving for uber and getting her health back under control. She saw an endocrinologist about her tumor, she started the process of getting approved for the gastric sleeve surgery, and she was finally able to work on her mental health. The past couple months took a heavy toll on her and she needed some time to work through the trauma. Things were going fantastic until December 13th, 2022.

KR was on her way to Savers with one of her sons so that she could get her kids some new clothes. She got pulled over on warm springs and marks st. She had no idea what she did wrong but she pulled out her license, insurance, and registration. The cop seemed to be taking his time until another squad car showed up and they told her that she had 17 warrents for her arrest. She had no idea what was happening and was deeply confused. Her grandmother had just pulled in behind her car when the officers started pulling her 3 year old son out of the back seat. he was screaming and crying and trying to run to KR but they held him back. KR’s grandmother took her son and called her ex husband to come pick up his son. KR was loaded into the back of the squad car and was taken to henderson jail. When they did her fingerprint they served her with a temporary protection order and said that she violated it 17 times. she looked over the document and she never did any of the things listed on those papers. she had the proof on her phone but she was not allowed to show it. they treated her like a criminal. Grabbing her arm and shoving her into a cell and patting her down and touching her in places she felt super uncomfortable being touched. She had everything on her phone. Most of the charges stated that she drove to his house and his brothers house and made threats and damaged his car. KR was an uber driver at the time and tracked all of her driving history and she never went anywhere near there. He lived in north las vegas and she lived in anthem. she was not going to waste gas going over there to mess with him when she barely had enough to do her ubering.

KR was at henderson jail until December 14th at around 10pm. She was transferred to north las vegas where she recieved the same mistreatment. She stood before a judge that looked down on her and insisted she get a psych evaluation. She didnt have a chance to do that because her grandmother put her house up and bailed her out. KR had to see a therapist once a week. She suffered from PTSD at this point and could barely eat or function. She continued to recieve threats from VP and she just blocked him as soon as she saw them. Then VP’s mother followed her on tiktok and KR immediately blocked her, screenshotted it, and sent it to her lawyer. KR knew that the police were never going to help her. She lost all faith in the justice system and grew scared of police.

After a month of healing, KR started applying for jobs since her uber driver account was now deactivated because of her new found criminal record. She job a job and was doing incredibly well. She worked as much as her boss would let her. She became a model employee.She did have to call out a few times for court dates. the arraignment, a court hearing for the psych evaluation, and one for reasons she had no clue about. All of it was so confusing to her. She didnt know what she was doing and her lawyer was a nightmare to get ahold of. VP continued to harrass her but every time he tried, she blocked him and sent screenshots to her lawyer. She tried so hard to not let it bother her, but secretly it did. She spend countless nights crying, she was scared to go outside at night alone, she was scare whenever she saw a cop or a squad car. Her mental health was severely damaged.

Fast forward to present day. June 4th, 2023. I sit in my bed writing this all out. VP has now started emailing my grandmother and she has contacted the chief of police (i believe that was his title) cops have been coming around for a couple weeks now and its horrific every time they show up. Im scared to be around them. The shear panic i feel around them is enough to shake the earth to its core. VP has messaged me a couple times telling me to plead guilty to this case or else he will kill me or make sure my body is never found. He has threatened my life, my animals' lives, and my childrens' lives. He will not stop until im dead or behind bars. I fear for my life every day. I throw myself into my job to keep my mind occupied. My boyfriend has been a godsent through this whole ordeal. He has supported me in my darkest hours and has been a shoulder to cry on. I have since gotten approved for my weight loss surgery and im going to the doctor about my tumor again. I hope to get it removed as soon as possible. An officer took a report from my grandmother and i a couple weeks ago. i gave him all the evidence i have and he now has to contact VP. im afrid that vincent will lie again and i will be blamed for something i didnt do again. Our court and police systems are beyond corrupt. Is there no justice for a single mother? The trail is on July 17th, 2023. I might be afraid but im going to walk in that building and face whatever comes my way. No matter the outcome, i will be strong. I will not let VP take any more from me. As a message for anyone out there struggling with a similar situation. Watch out for the red flags, keep your friends and family close, and never trust a Devil in Disguise. #justiceforkat

[waitingformyfavoritesongs]

12 April 2023 Wednesday 6:41 pmpdt

6:42 pmpdt what’s going on with NPR????? Something about Twitter. I to listened 👂 to npr years ago. It’s how I got some news 📰 . 😫😖😭😤🥵😤🥵

In 2015 I remembered still being h*run a lot and was still in relatively good shape, and looked in the mirror 🪞 b4 showering 🚿 and getting turned on, and m*sturbating for 2 hours at once. Pain tongue 👅 6:48 pmpdt it’s those hills man 👨. If you want results you have to be disciplined you can’t fake it. Right shin bone pain. I wish I did it for more than 1.5 years. I probably would have loooked more like the rock 🪨? 6:49 pmpdt I probably wouldn’t be crying 😭 like I am now. 6:50 pmpdt

7:14 pmpdt brain 🧠 storming ideas 💡 had a few days ago: if someone has been buried for at least 2 months, should quarterly exhume? Definition? Dig up all the cemeteries to recycle ♻️. Cemeteries are probably Bcz of Christianity ✝️ belief of the dead ☠️ rising coming back to life. If the body is decomposed... we should give up on that idea 💡 for that individual that was buried. 7:17 pmpdt if it isn’t already done ✅.

9:17 pmpdt when Arnold was governor of California I think 💭 I remember he wanted zero landfills. That would probably help a lot now. But we might find victims of murder in those landfills if we were to completely go through those. I tweeted 🐥 a Georgia murder case from Perez Hilton and the police 👮‍♂️ suspected the missing toddler would be found there. I think 💭 if you have something old, you should be able to take it to the store 🏬 and get credit for it towards a new item But I don’t know 🤷🏻‍♀️ how to make something like that work. Bcz of the incubus everything and everyone looks weirder and weirder to me. 9:24 pmpdt

9:28 pmpdt Crystal Geyser and sprite? Make their own bottles so it probably would not be difficult to accomplish? But most stuff is made in India 🇮🇳 or China 🇨🇳? I don’t know 🤷🏻‍♀️. 9:30 🕤 pmpdt 9:31 pmpdt I think 💭 no one cares if I die. There were a lot of people who could have spoken up 🆙 for me but didn’t. So the voice is a dead ☠️ case. Ursula the sea 🌊 witch 🧙. Witchy. 9:33 pmpdt 🪝🎣 it’s ironic. Bcz there were signs 🪧 that he was going to let me win. But it looks like he’s going to kill me. Bustles. Don’t matter anymore. 9:34 pmpdt don’t even think 💭 about it. It’s a trap 🪤. I’ve been warned a lot but I wasn’t sure what was truth and not. It’s a trap 🪤 for me. Crying like a cow 🐮 mooooooo. 9:35 pmpdt (min ago digging into chest bones 🦴 again. Every time I say/think something along the lines of self pity they do that. 9:36 pmpdt since 2017. The pain was unbearable since 2017. I woke up everyday feeling like it was a nightmare. I couldn’t do much Bcz of the pain. And now I have difficulty breathing most of the time that I’m awake. Everyday since the end of April 2019. It progressed. 9:39 pmpdt life is very short. I was slow to get stuff done ✅ and time went by fast 💨. There were other stuff in my life that made me believe in the incubus but it was probably only to trick me. So I should forget about it. 9:41 pmpdt Bcz those things probably don’t matter (anus sharp pain 9:42 pmpdt) I would only be kidding (spine pain 9:43 pmpdt) myself if I believed any of it. 9:43 pmpdt

10:08 pmpdt it’s clear to me now that it’s a trap 🪤 for anyone to go after the voice. Simon cowell barely said anything clearly and he got torn down for it. And I’m dying 😵. The king 🤴 of kings made the spinning chairs 🪑 his throne. The incubus. No one can go after the voice. Don’t count on it after I lose my bones 🦴. Don’t count on it after I die. Joe’s probably too scared 😱 too. He already had a hard time too. 10:13 pmpdt

10:22 pmpdt my sister was a social butterfly 🦋. She probably dated a lot more guys than I did and has a lot of friends. 10:24 pmpdt and she pushed me away a lot so she didn’t really know me that well I guess (acid pain left eyeball 👁 10:25 pmpdt).

1:35 am pdt 13 April 2023 Thursday incubus changed words again! Diarrhea 1:36 am pdt from 1996-2000 I had a neighbor next door 🚪 who never let me see inside her apartment. Right hip bone 🦴 pain 😫😖😭☹️🥺😞 she told me she had boxes 📦 of old toys for toy 🧸 faires. 1:38 am pdt but the incubus got my imagination 💭 going. 1:38 am pdt

2 am pdt brain 🧠 storming: I don’t have enough education in this but (autocorrect: bubble by but: bit. Keyboard ⌨️ : butterfly button 2:02 am pdt) I think 🤔 he doesn’t want me to write ✍️ this:hypothesis: fires 🔥 are bad Bcz when elements are heated up 🆙 into gas Phase/states 💨... maybe 🤔 I got this wrong 😑 maybe it doesn’t stay hot enough to escape through the hole 🕳 in the ozone? But if it does. .. autocorrect says: doesn’t. Ok . So we are not losing stuff to outer space 🪐? 2:06 am pdt

3:43 pmpdt I’m so scared 😱 what the incubus is going to do next. Left shoulder pain 3:44 pmpdt more acid attacks in brain 🧠 today and missed my doctor 👩‍⚕️ appointment. It would be nice if my doctor 👩‍⚕️ would automatically call ☎️ me to at least check on me by telephone ☎️ instead of acting 🎭 like I don’t exist. 3:46 pmpdt It’s getting more difficult 😞 for me to get to the appointments with my situation. 3:47 pmpdt tired 😓 a lot.

big white truck 🛻 left with human bucket 🪣 with big arm was only here for a minute I think 💭. 11:14 pmpdt

11:36 pmpdt that’s probably a sign 🪧 I’m going to kick 🦵 the bucket 🪣 soon 🔜 . Have fun with Scott and Nick Carter! Incubus let’s them do what they want all their lives. Must be fun 🤩 to be them. Everyone who is not me, I bet they feel great 👍! No one appreciates the sacrificial lamb 🐑/cow 🐄 11:39 pmpdt

[sigilmain]

Okay gonna rant coz I already did all this math for something else and I'm mad anyway.

Minimum wage in my state is $10.10

Many places used to do the thing of saying part time and then having it be like .1 hours under what is considered full time but they can't do that any more due to new laws saying if your average weekly hours are above a set amount for a 4 week period they have to give you benefits so rather than do the math they just hire at 15-20 hours a week

Which means to get full time 40 hours a week you need to work two or three jobs and hope the schedules don't overlap and if the schedules do overlap hope the places don't go "show up or get fired"

Now for math! If you are lucky enough to get 40 hours a week at minimum wage you're making $404 a week, or let's say $808 every two weeks as is the usual pay period

Keeping in mind that's before taxes come out; after taxes according to a calculator found on my state's official .gov website that's $632 every two weeks, or about $1,264 a month

The average one bedroom/one bathroom apartment in my area runs $1,000 a month on average and that's without utilities

On top of that, unless you have someone to cosign for you since they still have this outdated image that your rent should be no more than 1/3 of your income if you're not making at least $3,000 a month they will usually deny you

So to afford a one bedroom/one bathroom apartment you either need to share with 2 other people or work 120 hours a week at 9 different jobs without scheduling errors; keeping in mind there's only 168 hours in a week, so that work load leaves you 48 hours per 7 days [about 6.8 hours a day] to sleep, eat, shower, transport yourself to work, clean, do laundry, go grocery shopping, etc.

And let's say you do manage to find 2 people that you're willing to share a single bedroom and bathroom with [assuming you're just working 40 hours a week] so the rent goes down to $334 per month [rounding]

Of the $1,264 you've made that just leaves $930 per month to pay for a car/gas or transport like Uber since my area has 0 public transport, utilities [since those aren't covered in the rent], internet and phone bills, an groceries.

My last roommate's car bill was $300 a month, gas to get to and from his job that was just a 15 minute drive was nearly $100 a month. And can't forget car insurance, which you need to be able to legally drive! The cheapest car insurance in my state is about $80 a month, so there goes $480 leaving $450 behind if you're lucky to have a job that's so close by and not a 30-45 minute commute like my mom had when I was growing up

Utilities averaged around $100 a month and the internet $80 for stuff that didn't shut down the second we were both trying to watch videos on our computers, so let's say that's $180 divided by 3 people coming out to $60 a month which leaves $390

The current cheapest price I can find for cell phones is $30 a month through Cricket. Yes other places offer cheaper, including Mint Mobile at $15 a month, but those places only come at that price if you pay multiple months [usually 3-12 months] in one big lump sum. So let's take the $30 a month, leaving now $360 a month left over

I shop for myself, and my grocery bill averages $70 a week right now because of inflation. That's with me buying store brands, buying stuff to cook myself if the component ingredients are cheaper, doing meal prep, buying stuff that's on sale, having access to my house mate's store card that gives discounts on store brands because he works there, coupons, and every other money saving method that's reasonable for me. So $280 a month for groceries, and let's bump that up to $300 to account for times you gotta buy things like laundry detergent, deodorant, shampoo/conditioner, and things like that. We're down to $60 a month

$60 a month that you get to set aside to have savings. No going out to dinner, no subs to streaming services or your favorite video game or whatever, no accounting for pets or renters insurance or random expenses or your roommates eating your food or health insurance [since your jobs will likely fight you on providing it] or doctor visits or needing maintenance on your car or anything else

Working 40 hours a week with at least two jobs, often three, will leave you $60 a month to spend on non-bills if you share a one bedroom/one bathroom apartment with 2 people and the rent and utilities are paid equally between everyone and you have no surprise expenses

And people wonder why my generation and those younger have just given up on everything. This is the kind of shit that's happening to us and we get blamed for being lazy or not wanting to work but the reality is we know it doesn't matter; even if we do work we won't make enough and when we say we're struggling we'll still be called lazy when it's not our fault our government benefits too much from corporate greed to do anything meaningful about it. And why I'm just....tired. So, so tired.