#there’s no allosexual explanation for that

[jellyfish-neo]

While I do agree with this post in general, I have seen "loud and stupid" characters who are either canonically or fanonically (is that a word?) ace, and they've shared some similar issues in my experience, specifically the way they all sort of sit on this spectrum of innocence.

In a nerdy or academic character, this innocence is usually explained by a lack of social experience or interest in people. On the opposite end of the spectrum though, we have characters who are deemed too stupid to understand what sex is. The primary example that comes to mind for me is Papyrus from Undertale. Even Toby Fox used this as a way to imply he was ace (along with an equally stereotypical explanation for sans, but I digress.)

While perceived unattractiveness or lack of social skills are a common thread, I think a stronger pattern is that innocence. It gives the allosexual audience a comfortable explanation for "why" a character--or anyone--would be asexual: they just don't know what they're missing. They don't have to deconstruct sex as this huge, important, universal thing in their heads. They don't have to accept asexuality as a real identity that someone who understands what sex is or feels like could have.

I'm not saying that either of these archetypes is inherently bad, or that all asexual characters need an encyclopedic knowledge of sex or whatever, but I feel like there's a lot of room on both sides and outside of this dichotomy to explore asexual characters without the comfortable explanation of innocence.

Being both aroace and a huge nerd, it irks me a little that 99% of the asexual and/or aroace headcanons I see (and not aroallo headcanons interestingly, which could be its own post but I digress) are about characters who spend all their time working/studying/etc…. scientists, academics, introverts, shut-ins, even. I assume the common reasoning is that these characters only care about their work and don’t have time for things like relationships and sex. But like. You know that’s not what asexuality is… right 😀

Obviously it’s fine to headcanon these types of characters as ace, but I just always wonder about allo fans’ reasoning for it and what it implies about their opinions of asexual people. When the ONLY characters you can think of as ace are just nerdy, quiet/socially awkward characters with no other canon implications that they’d be ace, to me it just sounds like you think people are asexual because they can’t attract sexual partners? Or because they don’t have time for relationships??

Anyway it just annoys me a little that this is the VAST majority of the ace representation I see, both in canon and fandom. I’m an aroace academic, but I’m not aroace because I don’t have time for people or because I’m shy or awkward or lonely or whatever. I’m aroace because I’m aroace lol

Tl;dr, asexual/aroace people aren’t all innocent nerdy introverts (and aroallos aren’t all extroverts with a long history of one night stands, btw). Let ace characters be loud and stupid. Or try headcanoning a loud and stupid character as ace (you can do it, I promise)

[asterdeer]

remember when they basically confirmed sex repulsed adrian monk? excellent times were had by all

[selfindulgentraptor]

Alastor's poses in this scene are so viscerally asexual

[incognitopolls]

This poll is intended to assess the role gender identity has on asexuality and aromanticism, specifically in relation to societal pressures around gender and sexual activity.

The main reason for this poll is to see if (or how) societal expectations surrounding gender roles influence the way we experience sexual and romantic attraction. Obviously there's only so much nuance that we can get with a tumblr poll like this, but it may spark interesting conversation leading to more data.

Definitions and explanations:

equally fem and masc: This means that you identify with both femininity and masculinity the same amount. For the purposes of this poll, that equal amount can include both "lots" and "not at all" (could include identities such as agender and bigender)

allosexual: Not on the asexual spectrum; experiencing sexual attraction coincident with societal expectations

acespec: On the asexual spectrum; experiencing sexual attraction differently or not at all in comparison to societal expectations (includes identities such as asexual and demisexual)

alloromantic: Not on the aromantic spectrum; experiencing romantic attraction coincident with societal expectations

arospec: On the aromantic spectrum; experiencing romantic attraction differently or not at all in comparison to societal norms (includes identities such as aromantic and demiromantic)

–

We ask your questions so you don’t have to! Submit your questions to have them posted anonymously as polls.

[bilesproblems]

Just in case any baby mspec lesbians are here, that might still be unlearning the validity bullshit and drawing lines in "acceptable" vs "unacceptable" lesbian identities:

You are not gonna be one of the good ones. Even if you're one of the ones who isn't attracted to men at all, the exclusionists will never accept your mspec identity because it goes against their hatred. The transmasc bigender lesboy who's primarily a guy but still feels like a lesbian will validate your identity and affirm your simultaneous lesbianism and mspec attraction. Even if you're a SAM user so clearly you're experiencing 2 distinct identities, exclusionists will decide on a whim that SAM users can't be lesbians and they'll demand you leave the community. The omni lesbian who's got a heavy preference for women and so calls themself a lesbian will validate your distinct experiences as two different things, deserving of having both labels.

You have to learn to give these people the same acceptance. They are your community. They are the people that will listen to you when you explain how you're simultaneously mspec and a lesbian, and they're the ones who will validate your identity. You need to unlearn the things exclusionists say. You need to unlearn "nonmen loving nonmen" as the One True Definition of Lesbian. It will take a little bit, I know. It's an adjustment. But if you push away the community you have, then you'll end up alone. The people who would have accepted your identity don't want to associate with you because you invalidated them. The people who most of your beliefs align with hate your identity. So please, don't push away the community. Take time to learn it, accept it, and be part of it. Ask questions if you want to, in good faith. If you have to, make up an explanation like exclusionists do, but instead of something bad faith, make up something you'd accept (I did this with binary trans man lesboys when I was still attached to nmlnm, because I was thinking about orchid aces and how despite not fitting a definition they're still a part of the asexual community because their unique experience makes them feel more like an asexual than an allosexual, and I realized that would totally apply to a lot of binary trans man lesboys). Whatever it takes to accept the rest of your community because if you reject it, you're aligning yourself with people who hate you.

I learned this from experience. I wanted to be one of the good ones for a hot minute. I was against pan lesbians despite being a bi lesbian because I hadn't even thought of split attraction and I thought "well bi is compatible with being a lesbian because 2+ genders and nmlnm don't contradict but pan lesbian isn't because all genders and nmlnm do." I was resistant to non-SAM mspec lesbians that liked men. I was resistant to lesboys. But thankfully I held my tongue long enough to hear them talk about their history, their experiences, and point out how genderqueerness and multigenderism would very obviously allow men to be lesbians (before I had my epiphany about binary trans man lesboys). I am forever grateful that I didn't voice my shitty baby bi lesbian opinions and immediately push away the community that accepted me as a lesbian, as a biromantic, as a term collector, and as all of me. I got the chance to grow as a person.

So even if none of this stuff makes a lot of sense to you yet, I promise you will get it in time. Do not try to be one of the good ones. You'll never be accepted by the people you're trying to appeal to. The people who will accept your explanations, will also accept the rest of the community and their explanations. You don't have to other anyone to be accepted by the people who are willing to accept you.

[gillyeowalters]

I personally do not have an issue with people shipping canonically aro-/ace characters. I might not want to see it, but I usually just block the associated tags.

What I have a problem with is when people try to (unprompted) justify their shipping. Because in 99% of all cases this leads to them spouting aphobic bullshit.

"(Character) is too sexy to be not interested in sex!"

"They are sleeping in the same bed!"

"They shared a really long hug!"

"Men always want sex!"

"Sex is important for everyone!"

or the all time popular

"There is no platonic explanation for this!"

"Asexuals can have sex" is more valid, but I am sick and tired of allosexual people who normally wouldn't give a shit about the nuances of asexuality suddenly conveniently use it as an obvious excuse.

Stop with this bullshit. If you find a pairing adorable or just aesthetically pleasing, just be honest about it. If you are horny for a character fucking another character, be honest about it. You don't need an excuse or explanation or reason to ship two characters. You do not have to try and make your favorite pairing look more 'valid'.

Because your 'reasoning' is nonsense and helps to spread harmful stereotypes.

[briefobservationdreamer]

Ace In The Hole: Discussing Asexual Representation In Hazbin Hotel And The Fandom

Alastor has become one of the most well-known asexual icons in modern media and has been the subject of quite a lot of discussion and discourse amongst fans, and I think there is a lot about this topic that really needs to be said. So, as an aroace, I would like to express some thoughts on how his asexuality is represented in Hazbin Hotel and considered throughout the fandom (with some mention of Helluva Boss briefly at the end).

To start with, I will go over all of the relevant scenes in the show, beginning with the pivotal scene since this provides the most explicit information, and then look at any meta narrative and paratext I can find, and try to remain as fair and objective as possible throughout the discussion.

It is a very brief 10-second exchange, but there is actually a lot to unpack in just these two lines of dialogue.

Rosie teases him about being asexual by jokingly dismissing the idea of Alastor and Charlie being in a relationship because Charlie would be too young for him, and then giving a more serious reason in Alastor being an "ace in the hole". As Rosie is using this as a reason for why she knows Alastor wouldn't be in a relationship with Charlie, this is definitely a pun made in reference to his sexuality rather than the common use of the phrase, which wouldn't be a logical explanation. The pun, of course, goes right over his head as asexuality wasn't really known in the early 20th century when he was alive, and Alastor doesn't tend to keep with the times as a rule.

The context that actually gives 'ace in the hole' its meaning - Rosie's comment about Charlie being too young for him - makes no clear distinction between sex and romance, merely alluding to a vague "relationship." Though, since the alternative would mean saying Charlie is far too young for him to have sex with but not too young for him to date - a distinction that is only really relevant to a couple with at least one partner not being of age yet and doesn't account for the stated age gap that in this case was portrayed in episode 5 of the show to be comparable to parent and child (Alastor wouldn't have been able to get away his "surrogate Dad" act otherwise) - Rosie could very easily be talking about romance as well, and is the interpretation that makes the most sense to me. Romance cannot be excluded from this context without justifying a person dating someone old enough to be their parent.

Finally, as Rosie and Charlie had not been officially introduced yet and Rosie is acting as though she knows nothing about Alastor and Charlie's relationship (even if she was made aware offscreen), her automatic assumption couldn't be applied to their relationship specifically, but rather anyone Alastor could have brought with him to her emporium, implying a general lack of interest in "relationships".

She has confidently concluded that Alastor is asexual, even without any explicit communication about it from Alastor. It would be extremely unlikely she could have come to that conclusion and ruled out all other possibilities (not having found the right person yet, currently being more invested in other aspects of his life, high relationship standards etc) without some very compelling evidence for it. Alastor likely would have confused the matter for them both if he ever had much of an interest in finding a partner of any kind throughout their history, even if it was just a result of ingrained societal expectations. If Alastor had been on the favourable end of even one of those spectrums, it's extremely unlikely he would have been able to articulate and express his experiences clearly enough for it to be distinguishable from allosexuality and alloromanticism without being educated on the subject, which he isn’t. Rosie has also clearly known him personally for a very long time, almost certainly decades, which would be enough time to call other possibilities into question.

Now, that is reading between the lines a lot, and we don't ultimately know what Rosie's reasoning is. Regardless of how she knows, this scene at the very least confirms that Alastor is asexual under a context that makes no distinction between sex and romance and with the implication that he isn't interested in relationships.

Aside from this, there are three scenes in the show in which the subject is brought up to him.

These scenes are occasions of him being disinterested when the topic is brought up, but they don't indicate anything conclusive about his sexual or romantic orientation. The most that can be said is that, while he generally prefers the company to men and women, he hasn't shown any kind of attraction to anyone or shown any interest in dating or sex, though the tone-deaf commercial he created in episode one indicates he is willing to occasionally engage in some sexual humour if he thinks the comedic payoff is worth it which I think is a nice touch.

As for meta narrative and paratext, Faustisse (a long-time friend of Vivzie) [Link] and Amir Talai (Alastor's voice actor in the Amazon Prime show) [Link] [Link] have stated he is aroace, however that has since been retracted to say he has only canonically been confirmed asexual, which is technically correct.

As for Vivzie herself, she has made the following comments.

HAZBIN HOTEL Cleanup Pt. 4 Ft. Edward Bosco (Alastor), Michael Kovach (Angel Dust), and Vivziepop. Timestamp: (2:23:23). "Vivzie confirms Alastor is asexual but is unaware of it, and confirms Alastor does not have a current love interest because he does not see many people as being on his level."

HAZBIN HOTEL Cleanup Pt. 5 Ft. Edward Bosco (Alastor), Michael Kovach (Angel Dust), and Vivziepop: Timestamps: 1:48:16 & 2:21:33. "Vivzie has a canon answer for Alastor's romantic aspect but does not want to ruin anyone's fun and it is not story relevant."

HAZBIN HOTEL Animation Cleanup Pt. 7 Ft. Michael Kovach (Angel Dust) and Vivziepop: Timestamp: (42:17). "Vivzie doesn't think Alastor has ever been intimate."

Hazbin Hotel Pilot Cast Live Panel (11th December 2020): Timestamp: 1:03:13. "Vivzie confirms Alastor is asexual, does not want to reveal his romantic aspect to avoid ruining anyone's fun and wishes for people to have fun while being respectful to canon."

I have also heard she has said that Alastor considers himself to be a straight man who hasn't found the right woman yet, though I haven't yet been able to locate a source for this.

These livestreams are a few years old now, well before season 1 released, so it isn't impossible she could have changed her mind, but these comments are consistent and she hasn't said or done anything to contradict them since. Four things are confirmed in her responses. 1) Alastor is asexual. 2) She has an official answer for what his romantic orientation is but does not want to officially reveal it. 3) At least part of the reason is that it will disprove ships and she doesn't want to upset people because of that (something that was also corroborated by Faustisse). 4) Alastor does not seem to have been attracted to anyone or been in a relationship with anyone in Vivzie's opinion.

The fact that Alastor is the only character whose romantic orientation has yet to be officially revealed is telling, I think. There aren't many reasons why a creator would choose to do this. One possibility is that it would spoil a pairing becoming canon in the show, however I don't think that entirely adds up. Simply revealing a character's sexuality and romantic orientation does not guarantee they will end up with someone. In Vivzie's own shows, characters such as Niffty and Loona have had their orientations confirmed and they have given attention to other characters on multiple occasions, and yet there is no implication, expectation or guarantee for them to eventually get a partner. She also expressed a wish for people to be more acknowledging of canon with regards to shipping during the Pilot VA panel. However, Alastor is single so the canon information that would contradict ships cannot be about his relationship status. It can only be about his sexual and romantic orientations. If Alastor were relationship favourable in any way, there are any number of ways she could have confirmed that without spoiling the show or going into enough detail to ruin ships, simply by saying he was relationship favourable or denying he is aromantic. Especially if he were open to all sexes, there would be no issue with her being as open about it from the start, before any expectations could be made by fans, as she has been with every other character in her shows. Instead, she opted to give no answer at all, thereby implying that definitely some if not all ships would be debunked on the basis of Alastor's orientation alone. While there is no explicit confirmation of this fact, I cannot imagine this situation would have arose if Alastor wasn't aromantic.

With what has been shown, it is understandable how someone could get the impression he isn't relationship favourable. Alastor is not attracted to anyone, he shows no signs of being interested in a relationship and there is no reason to think he is going to get together with anyone in the show. The two main defences that I've seen - "aro/ace people can still date/have sex" and "it was never confirmed he was aromantic" - do not hold much water in this case.

Now, as for the representation itself. He isn't defined by his asexuality, and the show never directly attributed his more unsavoury traits to it, though care does need to be taken about the "doesn't love anyone because he only loves himself" trope - something Vivzie has come close to insinuating, which would certainly be questionable. I personally don't mind the show's one ace character being a villain in this case, given the setting, though. Many characters in the show are portrayed negatively in Hell, regardless of their sexuality, and conversely it could even be considered infantilising to have the one asexual character also be one of the few good characters in the show. Again, the show hasn't really made that correlation.

He is too fully-developed and integral to the plot to be considered a token character. He defies being an emotionless robot/socially awkward nerd stereotype by instead being a passionate, flamboyant, charismatic man who, despite being a ruthless serial killer and a cannibal, still seems to be capable of feeling affection for others and forming close friendships. It is actually refreshing to see. Amir said it best when he said "you don't have to fuck to be fab", and I think Alastor could be good villainous ace representation if...

1. His asexuality and/or aromanticism is aknowledged just a little more in the show itself so there is no room for ambiguity. So far the only confirmation we've had is a quick and subtle joke which, while appreciated, could easily go over the heads of people who don't know what asexuality is, just as it did for Alastor. Vivzie might be fond of dropping lore on livestreams and social media, but not everyone is going to know what is said by creators outside of the show, nor should they be expected to in order to judge Hazbin Hotel as a show for its own merits.

2. He continues to have a capacity for affection and friendship, and more negative traits such as narcissism and a lack of empathy aren't attributed to him being (aro)ace. I think this is both important for giving him depth as a character and essential for avoiding harmful stereotypes. The idea that relationship averse aroaces aren't as capable of having profoundly loving relationships and will end up alone, and that people are boring or incomplete without a sexual or romantic partner is already a tired cliché that reinforces allonormativity/amatonormativity and it really needs to go.

The subject of shipping, however, is a rather complicated one in this situation. Rather than just vent my own personal feelings on the matter, I would instead like to offer a more nuanced perspective.

On the one hand, as with any minority group, being a relationship unfavourable aroace in a romance-focused and hypersexual society – to see the people around you get so invested in something elusive and unattainable for you and that you just can’t give to someone – can be a very isolating experience. Aphobia does exist, and even when others are being considerate, there will always be innocuous reminders that it is unusual. That is one of the reasons why representation of minority groups is important. In having fictional characters to relate to, it gives the healing and validating feeling of finally being acknowledged, seen and understood, as well as a chance to show the world who we really are. Relationship unfavourable fans finally find that with Alastor and feel they can relate to him, want to engage with fanbase, only for them to go online and find a vast portion of fanmade content consisting of rule 34, and shipping fanart and fanfiction. That the one aroace character is the one who gets shipped the most, and gets shipped with half the cast. That there is a large portion of the fanbase who don’t seem to care about him being aroace and use excuses to ignore it in favour of their own desires, and that the creator has refused to fully commit to his identity so those fans can be appeased. To put it into another perspective, this is not so very different from shipping an implied homosexual character in a heterosexual pairing and using the excuse that the creator never confirmed they weren’t attracted to the opposite sex to make their homosexuality more palatable. To make things worse, unlike shippers who have all of media to find other pairings if they lose their Alastor ship, we find almost nothing else if we lose our representation because likable, well developed and officially confirmed aroace characters are so exceedingly rare. It might just seem like harmless shipping fun for some people but there are a number of aroace fans, including myself, who feel more than a little uncomfortable and hurt by how much he gets shipped and sexualised in a mischaracterising and disrespectful way because a rare opportunity to find recognition, acceptance and solidarity is instead being used as an opportunity to disregard and invalidate our experiences.

On the other hand, there are people who like Alastor and enjoy the idea of him being in a relationship with another character, and perhaps even cherish it as a comfort ship. They just want to have fun expressing their love for a character they like and a dynamic between fictional characters that they find cute or charming or sexy, like kids harmlessly playing with dolls, only to be told that it is potentially disrespectful to both the character himself and to real people, and that they would have to fight and change the character’s identity and bend canon over backwards, simply to justify something they want to have fun enjoying in peace without feeling or being made to feel guilty about it. It is understandable that someone in that situation would find it difficult to acknowledge and respect Alastor’s aroace identity. There are also relationship favourable aroaces in this situation who want to explore their own identity and want to rightfully remind people that some aroace people can still have relationships.

That is ultimately the source of the problem. In one way or another, all sides feel threatened that something they deeply cherish as a source of joy and comfort will be taken away, and unfortunately there is no easy solution that will completely satisfy everyone. The best thing we can do is listen to each other, to compromise, to not paint one group with the same brush because of a few spiteful, toxic people, and to treat each other with respect and empathy for our different perspectives rather than hostility.

There is a lot to be said about managing expectations, of course, and I think that can also help to avoid and control problems like this. Fans can appropriately manage their own expectations and see the show’s content for what it is and not just what they want to see. To separate canon from fanon, in other words. It is also the responsibility of creators to properly communicate what should be expected from their content. While I can understand wanting to avoid the vitriol that comes from intense shipping wars, Vivzie’s refusal to give an official answer for Alastor’s aromanticism and the mixed messaging in merch hasn’t helped the situation, and in fact has only caused it and made it worse by leaving room for all sides to argue their case, and it doesn’t make her decision less questionable for the aroace people wanting good representation who will be hurt the most.

The only way to end the debate is to officially reveal Alastor’s orientation. At the end of the day, having aroace people be represented by an icon who is being used as queerbait by the creators and erased to prioritise shipping is simply not a good look, however unintentional or well-intentioned. LGBTQ identities still have to be explicitly confirmed in the first place for no-one to consider them cis-allo-het by default. Yes, Alastor is a fictional character, but a person’s attitude towards him being aroace can still potentially reflect their attitude towards real aroace people. How can relationship unfavourable aroace people be expected to believe that society accepts and respects them when there is such little widescale recognition, and on the rare occasions we could get actual representation, they are treated like this?

Does that mean it is wrong to ship him? Vivzie may have said we could ship anyone, but that doesn't automatically make it right. Personally, I don't enjoy shipping much in general, and I dislike Alastor ships on the basis of him being aroace, the fact that I think pretty much all of his relationships as portrayed in the show would be problematic as a mutual romance regardless of his orientation, and my general preference for canon compliance when it comes to fan content. However, I recognise that is my personal preference and can tolerate a certain amount of it in moderation. It isn't wrong just to like an Alastor pairing - and I am certainly never going to begrudge a fellow aro/ace exploring their identity on the spectrum using cartoons as an outlet with the rare piece of rep we have to share when reps currently have the whole spectrum on their shoulders - but distinctions between fanon and canon have to be made, and what has been established in canon has to be given respect.

Remember, "aro/ace people can still date/have sex" is a reminder that asexuality and aromanticism are spectrums, not an excuse to justify erasure in disregarding a character's canon asexuality/aromanticism and projecting allosexuality/alloromanticism onto them. There is so little representation already. We don't need what little we have being taken away.

In that vain, I would appreciate it if Alastor's asexuality and aromanticism gets acknowledged a little more in the show. Use characters like Angel Dust and Rosie, who are more clued in to LGBTQ identities. Rosie could hint at her reasoning for suspecting Alastor is aroace or usher away some Cannibal Town admirers. We're probably not going to see Angel Dust hitting on Alastor again, but those are the only two scenes they've directly interacted with one another.

Perhaps the other two hellaverse aces from Helluva Boss could be somewhere else on the spectrum. Alastor seems to be a relationship unfavourable aroace. Mammon could be sex favourable, considering he has no problem selling sex robots of his mascots. Octavia could be greysexual or demisexual, be more neutral about sex but could still want to find love at some point. Imagine the Goetia family trying to arrange a marriage for her. And what about more unusual dynamics, like one-sided ships or QPRs? Just some ideas, if only for fanfiction. They are both big spectrums. Let's have fun exploring them.

[prince-liest]

I am so sorry if i come off stupid with this ask but i’m not very educated on this topic and my english isn’t that good so pls dont take any offence but i’ve read some of ur fics (ur very skilled btw!!) and in some of them vox and alastor are depicted to be sexual at times but isn’t alastor acesexual? I used to think that ace ppl were repulsed(?) by sex and touch in general and now im a bit confused is he only comfortable with touch because they have a deep bond or is him being repulsed by touch just an act?

No worries at all, I think this is something that a lot of people get caught up on! Asexuality isn't very commonly talked about in terms of actually explanations, so a lot of folks tend to have the impression you did.

Asexuality is a spectrum that often correlates with but isn't actually inherently linked to comfort with touch! Asexual people can be sex-positive, sex-neutral, or sex-repulsed—or a combination of those three things depending on the context and their feelings at the time. I always write Alastor as aromantic and asexual, but I play around with his comfort levels regarding all those things depending on the fic or even how he feels in the moment, oscillating between sex-positive to fully touch-repulsed (or sometimes both, which causes some complicated feelings for him). (There are also demisexual and graysexual people but I'm just going to talk about asexuality here.)

I think a key point to understand is that for an asexual person to have sex, they're just going to have different reasons from an allosexual person. Alastor is never having sex in my radiostatic fics because he thinks Vox is hot and is super attracted to him (unlike Vox, whom I write as allo and who pretty consistently thinks Alastor is hot and wants to fuck him). Instead, some of the reasons he's slept with Vox in my works include: curiosity; societal pressure; nonsexual enjoyment of kink; sexual enjoyment of very specific acts (again, still not the same as "being sexually attracted to Vox"); seeking intimacy; being under the influence; etc.

If you think about it, allosexual people also have sex for reasons outside of sexual attraction. Lesbians may have sex with men out of social pressure or personal exploration; a lot of people have sex just because they're lonely and it's how they find intimacy; you can even imagine the stereotypical frat bro who has sex with a girl because he sees her as a status symbol; etc, etc. Just because someone is ace doesn't mean they can't have sex, it just means that their reason isn't going to be sexual attraction.

[cas-is-queer]

Nu!Who Doctors/Companions and my thoughts on their gender/sexuality ect. (I'm almost finished with season 10, so this will only cover up to Capaldi. I will be doing the small companions like Jack, and also the master/missy)

THIS IS MY PERSONAL OPINION, IF YOU DISAGREE PLZ DNI. HATE COMMENTS WILL MAKE ME CRY. Thank you.

If you have any questions on the terms used, either look it up or leave a comment and i'll respond.

9th Doctor: Demiaro/demiace. He doesn't seem super interested in romance n' stuff until later (once he knows Rose a bit better lol). I want to say he/they, but I'm not sure on that. Def pansexual (most doctor's will be lol) not giving polyamorous, not giving monogamous. he's down bad for rose and that's all he knows.

Rose Tyler: MY BISEXUAL QUEEN!! Billie Piper confirmed that Rose would've loved the doctor if they regenerated into Whittaker!Doctor instead of Tennant!Doctor. She slays so hard, I love her.

Mickey Smith: I want to say straight but we all saw him and that one guy so I'm gonna say heteroflexible, which is mostly straight but with the occasional homo interaction (that's a terrible explanation just look it up)

10th Doctor: My boy! I love 10 so very much. Demiace, slightly less demiaro but still there. (this is mostly inspired by that one clip of David Tennant saying that 'the doctor is a fairly asexual character') I want to say mostly into women, but we all saw him and Jack. I'm gonna say ominsexual, with a small/medium preference for women. giving ambiamorous, but more towards monagomous, you feel me?

Captain Jack Harkness: Most of the actors/writers/etc. say bisexual, but also admit to omnisexual, because he does get freaky with aliens. I feel like if you don´t think aliens are included in bisexual, then pansexual would be a better fit, but whatever. I'm not sure on this one, but he's def queer and also super freaky, so we stan. polyamorous if i've ever seen one

Martha Jones: I'm really unsure on this tbh. I think she doesn't really use labels, but def kisses men and women. kinda ambiguous on this, my bad.

Donna Noble: Bisexual. No evidence, gut feeling. I will not be explaining.

Simm!Master: that is a homosexual. he had a wife n shit ik, but that felt wrong. gay for the doctor. it's that simple. (i do want to clarify that he would still love fem!doctor, but like. hes gay. you feel me? timelords get that ambiguity.)

11th Doctor: hmm. hMM. he's silly. Giving pansexual. does not see gender. (danced with all the men and women equally at the Ponds wedding, was confused why the men were shy. an icon, truly) less on the demiaro, more on the demiace. (not super sexual except with River) I'd say monagomous but between River and Clara, he's most certainly not. ambiamorous.

Amy Pond: Pansexual. would kiss women, but loves Rory to death. She/they, we all know the scene i'm thinking about.

Rory Williams: bisexual. ik ik he had that whole 'im not gay' scene, but it was giving 'im not gay im bi' energy. I have no evidence for this claim, just trust me.

River Song: what a pansexual queen. canonically had at least two wives. in love with the doctor. an icon. Very much NOT asexual. Do NOT let her and Jack Harkness meet. They'd match each others freak and end up killing people.

Clara Oswald: canon bisexual, literally kissed Jane Austen. giving she/they. of all the people to fall for, fell for the doctor in his 'post-pond-depression-wet-cat-era', worst choice she ever made and i love that for her. she is babygirl, i will not explain.

12th Doctor: I'm currently on his last season right near the end, going to cry when he leaves. giving true pansexual, no preference. i have no evidence, i just think that all the doctors are pan, but some have preference, hence the omni. he/they, idfk. less on the demiaroace then all his previous regenerations, but i don't think any doctor is truly allosexual/romantic. you get the vision?

Bill Potts: !!!! My girl!! a lesbian queen!! basically the doctor's granddaughter!! queen!! her and heather are so flipping cute istg-

Nardole: literally cannot picture him with anybody. i hesitate on aroace, but also; he's def aroace.

Missy: a queen. love her so much. she/they pansexual. i feel like greyasexual/aromantic, but thats a bit hesitant. I feel like she's down for love and sex n shit, but unfortunately she fell hardcore for the doctor (and clara, to an extent), so she's just stuck. someone help her, she deserves so much better (currently on the vault era, if you couldn't tell.)

Alrighty!! that's all for now, I'll reblog and add my opinions on newer dw as I watch. lmk if I missed anyone (I don't think I did), and tell me your dw headcannons!!

Inspo:

[etirabys]

// this post is meanders a lot, and culminates in a rec for a New Yorker article that has object-level nothing to do with my starting point.

I know a lot of romantically lonely men, and my explanation for this is that they (1) are outliers on a distribution where their part of the tail end doesn't contain that many women (i.e. they have the kind of autism that makes you a programmer), (2) would be a lot happier dating women who are also in that part of the distribution.

(I am somewhat this exact guy who happens to be a Kinsey 1 female, and I think this is one of the luckiest spots you can be in vis a vis dating)

(If I were the same person I am but only attracted to women, I would give up on dating. I like dating very much, but I also think I could have a happy life being single, and the market skew would shred me psychologically.)

Since there are about as many women as there are men in the country (actually, there are more women!), it occurred to me today to ask what these men's counterpart is. Naively you'd expect it to be women who are on the tail end of a distribution that does not contain very many men. But distribution on what axis? The first guess my brain generated was "allosexual women who are so in fandom, whose sexuality is so fandom-y/textual, that they will find the sexuality of most men alien or disgusting". I certainly feel like most of my male partners' lack of interest in slow burn erotica is an impediment to our sexual compatibility, one I couldn't overcome if I didn't have physical/nontextual libido.

I wondered out loud about this to 81k, who said that Scott Alexander had asked the same question years ago and had come up with the answer of "low income black women, some women in very rural areas who can't move out, and maybe nurses". We couldn't find the post, but he pointed me at a New Yorker article about that first group.

https://web.archive.org/web/20230206160659/https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2003/08/18/the-marriage-cure

I liked it a lot.

[ineffable-hyperfixation]

Ahem *puts on best "ok people listen up" tone*

Good Omens (and everyone else) fandom! It seems we have regressed a bit....somehow? On the definition of Asexual! Let's clear this up!

Yes the actual literal meaning of the term: A=no sexual =....sex....well but actually no, which is the point of the post

Dictionary definition is why we are here!

Asexual: a person who experiences no sexual feelings or desires, or who is not sexually attracted to anyone.

Note the last line please!

Asexuality is a spectrum.

On one side you have: I cannot become sexually aroused by anything, and in some cases I do not want to

And on the other you (might) have: Literally any other stimulation other than A Face will do just fine!

Asexuals can be turned on by: the written word, a comic, a scene in a movie/show/porn/irl/etc, physical contact, etc!

There is a difference between attraction and desire! Allosexuals usually have that lumped into one thing, to them there (usually) isn't one without the other! If you're attracted to someone it means your body is uh...also good to go. For a lot of asexual people you can be attracted to someone, but your body's just off reading a book or something

Asexual people have crushes, fall in love, comment on how aesthetically pleasing someone is! But they probably don't want to jump their bones like right now (or possibly ever! Depends where you fall on the spectrum!)

You might say: no but! You're talking about demisexual people!

Maybe! Probably not! Demi is just a place way to one side of the spectrum. Where, after getting to know someone really well, you may actually look at them one day and go...."oh shit! Hi down there when'd you wake up??" Your attraction and desire have fused for this person/s...congrats!

An asexual person may never ever want to have sex with their partner. This is fine! But it needs to be discussed between everyone near the start of a relationship. And people need to acknowledge that "once you've found The One everything will click!" is pretty deeply internalized. Be sure you truly understand that that's not (necessarily) the case before commiting to a relationship

An asexual person may absolutely want to (awesome!), but have a hard time getting things moving (put down the damn book there are things to do!!) In which case it's good for all parties to see if they can figure out what sorts of things do turn you on, (as long as you're both willing and able), and how to approach letting your partner/s know they'd like to initiate fun times. (Without it coming across as awkward or pushy!) This makes for a healthy relationship!

"I'm doing this only to please my partner" is not healthy! It's also a really condescending thing to say about all asexual people! Please stop!!

And yeah an asexual person may indeed realize they're demi after starting a relationship! Neat!

Sexuality is like gender. It's all made up because we like labels! Your bits know what they want, when they want it! (Your brain ofc has the final say, I'm very well aware that bits go way off the rails sometimes, that's an entire other post lol)

Other people do not get to dictate how you feel, and like gender it can take a while to realize what your orientation may be. And that label can change so many times over the course of your life!!

Love who you love, have sex with who you (and they) want to have sex with, or don't!! But stop telling other people what they are and are not, simply because your definition or experience is different from theirs

(Please let me know if I've left out something crucial or gotten something horridly wrong! My research is personal/others experience + tumblr explanations + a google search here and there. Please do not come in my replies/comments/inbox telling me the whole post is wrong.....that's petty)

[frazelforever]

hey so i have a question- you don’t have to answer if you don’t feel like talking about your sexuality. i totally understand that it’s not your job to explain yourself to everyone

please take this in the most respectful way possible, but can you explain how you’re both bi and aroace? i’ve been led to believe that those two are the opposite, but i know that labels are not like boxes to be confined by- so can you explain to me what being bi aroace means to you

Hello! 

I don’t really mind any questions about my identities bc I think it’s important to let people know what’s possible bc maybe it could help them understand themself

There are two answers!

Not personal: a lot of people identify as either oriented aroace or angled aroace, which I likely probably fall into, I just don’t care about that label too much to do any personal research into it, but if you look those terms up, a lot of people have defined them pretty well with thought out explanations on how the two differ or how they are possible 

Me specifically! So if asked to describe my aromantism, I would say romance-adverse/repulsed, because I neither feel romantic attraction nor do I want a romantic relationship (it makes me uncomfortable). My asexuality, however, is not as straight forward. No, I don’t feel sexual attraction (at least not the same way allos do), but I’m also not against a sexual relationship. It’s also why I also say I identify as allosexual in some ways, because while I don’t feel sexual attraction, it doesn’t mean that I don’t necessarily don’t want sex. I use bi(sexual) as a sort of umbrella term for all of the differing attractions I would have towards a queer platonic partner (platonic, sensual, aesthetic, etc). If we wanted to be real technical with terms, I would say I am aroallo and asexual, because my aromantism and asexuality are seperate entities, but the way I do feel attraction is directly related to my aro identity, if that makes any sort of sense. 

So um yeah! 

[theaceoftales]

Ace of the Week #4: Kim Minho

We all want more asexual representation. And unfortunately, during the beginning stages of this wave, we're going to see a lot of explanations and focus on the differences between asexuals and allosexuals.

During all this though, it's important to remember that we're just the same as everyone else. Gossiping with friends about our relationships (in whatever form they be) while they question our taste in people. 🤷‍♀️

"Between Complete and Incomplete" is produced by Matchbox, a Korean indie production company that's perhaps best known for its subsidiary Strongberry and its queer productions (Long Time No See, Choco Milk Shake, and many more). You can watch the film on Vimeo for $3.89 USD.

[allastoredeer]

Discussing fandom and its trends is one of my favorite things 🤓 I hope you don't mind me sharing some of the pseudotheories and pseudoanalyses I've seen before (to me they're all fun and I don't think they should be taken 100% seriously, please no one be offended)

1 The name of the boat that goes first is the favorite.

Quite funny in my opinion and from what I have seen it is not necessarily false, but many times it is that putting it differently sounds *wrong*, especially when they are combinations of the name

(Although after seeing that apparently apple radio and radioapple are not the same now I need an explanation of what radiosilent is as opposed to radiostatic)

2 The sub is The favorite

The first time I saw this was in a SW comment thread with a Chinese reader who was commenting with the author about top/Bottom preferences for the language and commented on this theory. They said that the Bottom gets all the love and since you want your favorite character to be adored that's why you write it like that

3 you project yourself into the Bottom

This came from another fandom, things got heated and toxic and a common accusation from a ship is that half the ship "had no personality" and they were using it to project themselves into a relationship whith the top

Personally I think they are all true to some extent, but I also see them as renunciationist and I myself am not without my own prejudices.

Part of the problem is that in relationships m/m and w/w, they continue to be written as one part a hairy-chested alpha male and the other part a blushing, submissive (and I have a weakness for ABO bulbs but there the problem is worse). In the case of radioapple Alastor has been reduced to his ego and need for control (so he could never let go. And is there something strangely allosexual about the way they write it?) and Lucifer to his depression (so he needs to be adored... And the truth is, I do think 3 applies here)

With what we see, I think that Lucifer has no problem being at the bottom, but his preference is at the top, even bordering on the Dom.Lucifer has insecurity and depression but he also knows he is powerful and we see him being authoritarian even if he later recants.He seems to be the type who would enjoy being the one to give pleasure to his partner, but I also don't see him giving up control easily when there are already so many things in his life out of control.Lucifer doesn't want someone to come in and take control by emptying his head, he wants something he can control and show exactly how good he is at it.

Alastor, on the other hand (this is where my prejudice comes in): what does he gain by being the top? Some kind of power play? Because I feel like Alastor can find that high without involving genital play.How ace (and probably aroace and almost certainly on the gray or demi side for most fics to work) Alastor would need something more to really get involved like that, which is why I feel like the top Alastor fics almost always feel too Allo for my taste, he just fucks like anyone else.When Alastor is the Bottom the writer gives him a little more nuance.

So that's my two cents to the discussion 🙃

Honestly, I think you're on point with most of these. (I too would like to know the difference between radiosilence and radiostatic - i see a lot of different names pop up for Alastor/Vox, whether its reciprocal or unrequited, and I can't keep up with it. I think radiosilence means the attraction is one-side? Maybe?? I think??

I can see the logic behind people having their fav be the bottom because they want them to feel loved and adored. I, too, am guilty of this. It also probably helps that the top is usually depicted as doing most of work LOL (Bringing Doms and Subs into this, there are a lot of fics that explore sub-drop, usually with their fav character--which I totally get--but it'd be interesting to read more fics that explore dom-drop too).

Personally, I've never felt any real attraction towards the characters I like, so I've never projected myself as a bottom or top through a pairing to be with one of the character. I project my insecurities and life experiences on them 🤓☝️ LMAO same basic concept, just a different shades But characterXreader fics/posts are super popular! So, I see that one too.

Part of the problem is that in relationships m/m and w/w, they continue to be written as one part a hairy-chested alpha male and the other part a blushing, submissive (and I have a weakness for ABO bulbs but there the problem is worse). In the case of radioapple Alastor has been reduced to his ego and need for control (so he could never let go. And is there something strangely allosexual about the way they write it?) and Lucifer to his depression (so he needs to be adored... And the truth is, I do think 3 applies here)

Very much agreed. I enjoy Omegaverse fics too, but it's one of those fanfic tropes that I'm picky about. It needs to be written a certain way for me to really enjoy it.

I don't know, just the default that one person has to be dominate and the other has to submissive never sat right with me. For a long time, I was super squicked out by even the thought of being in a relationship because of this. I'm a small person, most people are taller than me, and I'm pretty thin, so the mental assumption that I'd have to be "the submissive one," considering that's what almost always happens in these depicted relationships, made me feel so much anger, anxiety, and discomfort. I hated the thought that that's what would be expected of me. (Personal lore drop: considering I also grew up in a hyper-religious, extremely patriarchal town, the expectation felt 10x worse and 100x more real. I dreaded getting older and starting romantic/sexual relationships).

Also, yes, with a lot of top!Alastor content I've seen, there is something very strangely allosexual about it. Or, at least that's how it comes off to me. Asexuality is a spectrum, so there's no "perfect" way to be ace, it's just...there's just something about it that feels very allosexual, and maybe why I keep shying away from it. It squicks me out a bit, ngl.

People keep saying they see Lucifer as a switch, and funnily enough, it was actually confirmed by Vivenne Mendrano that he canonically is a switch! Of course, if people want to see him exclusively as a bottom or top, that's fair. You do you, boo. We're here to have a good time. But I'm very happy with his canon sexuality, so that's where I keep him. I can see him as a sub and a dom, too.

I also see Lucifer as the type who enjoys giving his partner pleasure! Be it bottoming, topping, subbing, or domming. He'll try out kinks and position and role-play, because I headcanon him and Lilith having a very healthy, very explorative sex-life. They were freaks in the sheets, and they tried all the new, crazy shit sinners brought with them into Hell.

I keep Alastor exclusively as a bottom, though. Some of it is because I see him being kind of grossed out with the idea of a part of him going into someone else (hello self projection!) but I also see him generally being sex-indifferent. Like, he'll have sex, and he'll enjoy it, but it's not something he typically seeks out for himself. Maybe once in a way, when he's in the ✨mood✨ he'll initiate. If his partner wants sex and he doesn't, he's not forcing himself. If his partner wants sex and he's kind of just vibing--not feeling horny, but not really against it either--yeah, he'll have sex. It's not like he's getting nothing out of it, he still feels and enjoys the pleasure in the act, even if he's generally indifferent towards doing it.

If he's comfortable with it he'll even indulge their kinks (and indulge his own 😉 not all kinks have to be sexual, afterall. And even if his are, that is still valid and does not take away from his sexuality because aces can still have sexual kinks 🫵 I'm looking at you, people who assume aces can't have sexual desires). (I also gave Alastor a power kink 😏 because I think he'd be into his partner displaying immense amounts of power. It doesn't even have to be directed at him. He'll watch his boo destroy a city block and then fuck them later because that was hawt.)

A lot of it could also be because he feels too allo for me when he is written as a top. Lol "he fucks like everyone else," is a very good way to put it 😂 When he bottoms, it feels like he's written with more of his ace-identity in mind, which I love!

But also, I like Alastor being a bottom just because. I vibe with it. 'Nuff said.

Thank you for your two cents!

[mish-mash-marsh]

Is Five (tua) a-spec?

For the sake of this poll and my sanity, we're ignoring the lie that was season 4, k? :D

EDIT: I accidentally wrote aroallo twice, "alloaro" should say "alloace", please vote accordingly :)

[dross-the-fish]

Started hanging out with some new friends in a Discord server on days when work from home is slow but I'm not able to leave my desk to draw or write, and I'm honestly surprised by how good of a time I've been having, how at ease I feel. This is the first friend group I've had where most of, if not all of, the people in it are queer in ways that are similar to myself, and not just cisgendered gay or bisexual people, but people who are also non-binary/genderfluid and on the aro/ace spectrum. After a lifetime of being friends with people who were mostly straight or gay and almost all of them cis except for maybe the odd binary-transperson all of whom are allosexual. It also made me realize that I've been walling myself off from most of my old high school friends for the duration of our relationship and haven't even noticed it. I always tend to sit and let little comments slide because I don't want to get into a debate or call too much attention to aspects of myself I'm still figuring out. Dealing with behaviors that were vaguely phobic and excusing them as my friends just "not knowing better," because they seemed well intended otherwise and nothing said was overt. Feeling like before I presented ace characters to them that I needed to have some justification and explanation at the ready and brace myself for people to try and tell me that "well this character can still have sex right?" or "What's the point of making x aromantic?" because they were allosexual and alloromantic and couldn't enjoy characters that weren't "available" in that way. Debates about whether asexuality should even be part of the LGBTQ spectrum weren't common, but they happened. Being made to feel like not being attracted to my partner was unfair to my partner because "everyone deserves to feel attractive to the people who love them." "A stands for Allies" is a thing that came out of one friend's mouth. "Non-binary is trans-lite," is another. "I could never love someone I wasn't attracted to, it must suck so bad to have that part of you missing." When I eventually came out as gender fluid, they seemed accepting but never bothered to use masc pronouns because I still accept fem ones. So they just felt free to ignore my gender all together and one of them even slipped and tried to correct someone who called me "sir" because it was that easy for her to forget, even with me standing right there in a chest binder and men's clothing.

There was always been an element of being ready to defend myself, of weighing my words before I spoke them and agonizing over whether I'd have to hear empty platitudes, excuses of people just "not being used to it" and an obvious, palpable discomfort that no one was willing to unlearn, that would be left for me to bear and to feel like I was at fault for creating by simply existing. And I never noticed it because it was so prevalent and it was still preferable to the blatant hostility most of the conservative population around here has for the LGBTQ community. I can talk to these people about every other thing under the sun, call them when I'm in trouble and they'll help me and turn to them for advice and support in every other area...but the little things still matter. Even when I told myself they didn't. Being around people and feeling like I can be unguarded is such a bizarre feeling that I'm almost afraid of it. Hearing one person talk about how an aromatic character I write isn't broken and wanting strongly for that character to be told that by somebody made me want to cry. Being asked if I would prefer couple art to be sfw vs nsfw because the asexuality of one character was taken into consideration actually felt like a big deal because NO ONE HAS EVER DONE THAT BEFORE. I didn't know these things mattered so much until they happened and now I feel I'm at a crossroads and debating if I should make the effort to advocate more for myself among some of my old friends. Acceptance matters, community matters. I always knew this intellectually but it's a whole different level now that I've experienced it. I've learned that it matters to me.