#there will be zero inbetween

[thelastattempt]

+

[jazz-kitty]

"rent free" dio cries, as he is eaten alive by wild animals

[wtfgaylittlezooid]

Having my own mantis gives me a lot of ideas for Gold and King lol

[thelreads]

Holy fucking shit the entire Escapist channel?!?!

[kittenpower05]

(Going through my notifications for which posts my mutuals liked) hey stop that, there's spoilers in there!! You're not There yet! What are you doing!!

[spoonyruncible]

I'm not gatekeeping, I just have some gates and I've sort of vaguely known they're there, I haven't kept them and the hinges are so rusty i doubt they'd close if I tried. But, like, for ages all that came through those gates were stray geese and a dog I think belongs to a neighbor but might just belong to himself and of course there's the hunching afflicted wrathbeast. That's just having a garden. Things grow there and random folks stumble in sometimes, mispronounce the names of my favorite varietals, say stunningly inaccurate things about them, and wander bemusedly back out.

As a surprise to probably no one I was a deeply lonely child. No one really got me or what my deal was, so when I found something I loved it was mine and mine alone to treasure. As I got older I found other people who liked 'my' things. Some of those people were horrible! But there was a kinship and it was okay to be a bit horrible so long as we could be odd together. Gardens are resilient things, they tolerate mistakes and abuse. It's absolutely wonderful to share, to dance to the same music, that imperfection becomes part of the joy of it, becomes a unique thing unto itself.

So imagine my shock when there is a garden party that rapidly becomes a festival. No one has ever really been here before, it's been me and the geese and that one dog and a few other weirdos. Suddenly my things, things people beat me for loving, are things everyone loves. All at once the landscape is unrecognizable and if I acknowledge that then I'm being a hipster. I don't mind the festival, it's nice, now it's much easier to get things I need without having to put on my trekking gear and hike out to the one obscure location that has The Supplies. It's not bad, it's just weird. It feels like there is something wrong with me instead of something wrong about liking what I like.

I'm not really talking about one specific thing here, there have been a lot of these moments where what used to be unusual or even shameful is now the big thing. And it's good, it's can be great sometimes even with the unforeseen bizarre bad parts. But there is this selfish little part of me that wants to cling to my unloved love, to put a raggedy LP on a barely working record player and lay on the wooden floor of my childhood home staring at a painting of a ship in a storm that is right beside a picture of a young man in a cap and a too large jacket and listen to sea shanties belted out by people not very good at singing while I drift and drift and drift away on the sound and the whitecaps to a place where there is only this. I love the new versions like a drowning man loves air, I am happy that people have found this beautiful thing and can enjoy it, but there is a tinge to it I don't like. A prick of pain every time I see this joy over my joy, over my joy that I was punished for, humiliated for, shamed for. I'm glad people can love these things without suffering but it makes my suffering seem so fucking stupid.

There is a certain temptation, a bitter agony, that makes me want to hiss like an abused cat and cling jealous to my silly little toys. It's not that I want them all for myself, it's that I can't let go of that little kid with a bruisy eye sulking because no one wants to play with him. It's the whisper of, "We can be friends but only in secret. I don't want people to know I'm like you." It's the enthusiasm that rapidly becomes muted because the whole world is demanding to know why you can't just be normal for once. But that same temptation to lash out is the one that makes me reach out my hand instead, especially to people who are like, "Wow! I've never been to a garden before. I'm gonna screw this up. How do I not screw it up?" because now they're that bruisy eyed kid no one wants to play with. I can't protect the person I used to be by becoming the exact thing that hurt me. Gotta keep the gate open, gotta get used to new things even if it takes noise cancelling headphones and an entirely rational amount of backsliding, gotta wake up every day and keep trying even though the world keeps throwing curveballs that no sane person could anticipate. It's all okay. We're in this together and we're all gonna be okay,

[gorgynei]

oh my god if one more dark souls youtuber gets all gross about gwynevere im gonna KILL SOMEONE. i get it its a big woman with a chest. not every single person needs to make an over the top gross sexual innuendo every single time shes on screen. im soooo irritated

[minecraft]

hytale isnt even out yet but i still hate kweebecs

[vaguely-concerned]

Evil Campaign/Zeblue Thoughts Extravaganza

This is a merry mishmash mess of reactions, transcriptions of some important scenes from the podcast, notes for my fics, and general happily unhinged ramblings about the Campaign: Star Wars Evil Campaign! Don't... don't look at the wordcount please

- blue definitely for sure would be dead a thousand times over if it weren't for zero but I also wish to point out that when blue was out for one night zero lost two arms and almost got annihilated by force lightning. blue is zero's emotional support little bitch boy and clearly his functioning without him goes down catastrophically

- blue's little holo-screen saver zero that goes 'I love you!' when it goes away and the fact that by the finale he's added a little holo-screen saver blue to keep him company, I'm just -- aaaaaah

between that and how earnestly giddy and glowing blue gets about how cool synox is as soon as he knows that synox can't hear him... zero I kind of get it. you're still bonkers for it of course but I do see where you're coming from I sort of want to stop him from getting thrown off any more roofs too even though he provably deserves it. No one who makes a little chibi Zero holo who says ‘I love you!’ when he’s just like bored is completely rotten all the way through, I agree with Zero there’s something in there that’s worth it 

- can u believe that zero's first real appearance is leenik barely scratching his chest as if with a fingernail and then he just. chops leenik's hand clean off in one turn and moves on with his life. and he gives a shrug emoji about all the grievous bodily harm he's caused when blue tells him to stand down. He bombards blue’s inbox with cat memes. In his spare time he’s a DJ. He can crunch a man’s rib cage like a soda can with barely a flick of his wrist. He knows the tango. the perfect marriage of terrifying murdermachine and goofball

- "Zero, talk some sense into me or him" hfjdksafhsakjd obviously hilarious in itself but also... damn blue trusts zero SO MUCH

- Just me gathering some info together in one place: Zero bleeds blue, and whatever happened to him before he got his cybernetics was extensive enough that it left him on life support, so he originally turned this amount of cyborg more out of necessity than anything it sounds like. (From what they say about gank culture he probably had some modifications before that too, since Tubaik is notable for being the one person we know going ‘nah bro miss me with that shit’ completely.) He says something like ‘have you ever had to regrow a face?’ to Aava, and when there’s the whole ‘just because you can’t tell that she’s armed doesn’t necessarily mean she isn’t’ thing with the possessed Force lady he says something like ‘lost a limb last time I made an assumption like that’. He’s clearly got some Issues around it — warns Aava that ‘it isn’t pretty back there’ when she asks to see his face behind the helmet, the dark side mind reading pulls out ‘there’s no power that you possess with your broken body that could ever hope to save him’ from him. He’s 53% cybernetics, making him just barely more machine than man haha. His legs are at least partially cybernetic — he has them glutes and thighs Synox is checking out. Someone says something about an exoskeleton at one point, but I’m not sure how seriously we’re meant to take that, it might have been a joke. His first appearance in Campaign proper really emphasizes that he has one cybernetic eye, but it doesn’t really come up again once the character solidifies so *shrug* I suppose he might still have that going on behind the helmet screen. He has a math chip in his head and he regrets installing it because he hates math. I love him very much

At this point I’ve stopped trying to get actual Star Wars canon ganks to make sense and declared that as far as I’m concerned hashtag Kanan gank facts reign supreme. As such: Kat agrees on calling Tubaik ‘a fox-dog sort of person’ (and jesting comparisons are drawn to various Starfox characters lol). A little under six feet tall (most wolf/cat/dog species are GIANT, for no reason [transcriber’s note: it’s for the sake of blue and the furries]). Rangy, with a short muzzle. I think Zero is probably even a bit taller than Tubaik, since Blue is actually pretty tall and Zero is noticeably taller than him again, from the Vibes.  

In short: Edge of the Empire ganks look cool as fuck in an edgy teenage guilty pleasure character design kind of way, canon Star Wars ganks look like absolute bow-legged dorks

- blue instinctively calling out for zero first thing after coming around from being stunned and zero reflexively asking blue if he's alright before being like 'wait wait why am I asking you that when the solarium's open to space and you’ve been standing here the whole time go help synox' fhsdfa

- (blue re: the story behind synox' butt tattoo lol) "Details? and will this story not make me cry, like the last one?" lmao oh that's... so cute to me somehow. Gather round for war story time with good old Uncle Synox (17) on the Bluebird. 

- Hilarious that Blue and Aava are both like ‘hell, Synox, don’t be so down on yourself, you’re a catch!’ and Zero takes a hard stance of ‘he’s mid at best honestly sry :I’ fhdskjfa. Guess Zero goes more for twinks 

- I am building out a lot of dramatic backstory for Zero in this that isn’t even hinted at anywhere in the original text, but I do think I’m backed up by the self-evident truth that anyone who’d fall in love with Blue already must have something deeply wrong with them 

- Blue’s momentary sincere tired incredulity that Corvanus (Corvanas? Who knows) is trying to tell him they’re just buying food and medicine on Metalorn is so funny to me fhsjdfhas. Also the fact that he is SO ready to double-cross everyone immediately. Like no doubt in my mind that he would have fucked over corvanus too as soon as it became the least bit convenient to him, but he really does go and collude with a rebel in his very first arc because some guy kind of annoyed him and it might serve his interests. He’s been a minister for like. A month and a half at this point. Stunning. Splendid. No notes. He’s got the moral backbone of a chocolate eclair and it fills me with wonder and affection in equal measure. 

- added bonus and new entry into the Blue Hypocrisy Hour gameshow: zero calls blue ‘kid’ not half an hour before they meet with the condescending rival minister and blue doesn’t even react. He really said ‘zero’s got roasting rights over me and you do not. The punishment is death btw make peace with whatever god you think will stoop to taking you in’ 

- ZERO HAVING BLUE’S LIFE SIGNS UP IN HIS HUD WHILE HE’S IN THE HOSPITAL AND CONSTANTLY CHECKING IT FOR REASSURANCE *insert elmo surrounded by flames gif here*  

- The way Tyler makes Zero’s voice slightly higher and softer when he’s out of the helmet… emotional terrorism specifically directed upon me and my person

-“Where’s Blue? Is Blue okay?”

augh……………………………

- man I love aava. What an interesting character. Like the very idea of anyone taking Tamlin away from the Mynock crew makes my heart shatter into a thousand pieces but it is easy to see where she’s coming from. 

- Blue twirls his hair around his finger when he gets bashful and Zero knows that………… omg

Also another testament to Blue’s ultimate character I think: he sends himself fake fanmail (lmao) superficially to praise himself and his work, but actually to ask Zero for reassurance that they’ll be together to the end and to tell him how important he is to him in just… the most bafflingly roundabout elaborate non-committal way fhdsja. Like yeah he is a raving egomaniac but under that is always ‘...but do you like. Like me?? We’re friends right???’. He doesn’t deserve it but I do kind of feel for him. imagine facing the mortifying ordeal and indignity of being twenty years old and the most pathetic person alive. Shudder. Glad that’s over with at least 

- Say what you want about Blue but truly he is not a coward. He doesn’t even scream when Tryst shoots out his kneecap and in fact does not back it down with the attitude at all afterwards. Fhdskjafs he asks Tryst to carry him and makes him! (like yeah yeah we already know you’re gay blue). Literally too insufferable to be cowed. Isn’t the capacity of the human spirit spiked with caf and megalomania beautiful

- Commander Synox and the happy private world of ‘Pincer Maneuver :)’. I love him so incredibly much

- I want you to know that my insanity levels have reached the point that I’ve trawled fucking twitter for content. I’ve been using the search function on twitter. Yes I am desperate. Yes half of the posts are gone even aside from the awful format twitter already imposes. I have spent hours in the Musky muck for a scattered few nuggets of gold and it has been worth it but STILL entering a small fandom years later is a special kind of hell and I would not wish it on my worst enemy (this was written before musk went ahead and crashed the whole thing definitively into the iceberg early in June 2023 lmao. My point still stands tho. The things you do for love)

- Zero describing working directly for the empire as ‘ew, gross’ is so funny lmao. Okay buddy you keep desperately repressing your own complicity I understand why  

- “Master? Thaaaat’s — I gotta tell you, that… Friend? Employer? Confidante? Drinking buddy? He’s, he’s a good guy. Uh…”

<3 &lt;3 <3 also the way he immediately tries to walk it back with ‘it’s mostly professional istg’ and then by the end of the arc (so literal hours later) he gives it up as a bad job and just. Is so sweet and gay about it while aava is right there and can see it. The zero in agent zero stands for ‘no (0) chill whatsoever’. (also ‘confidante’ along with some of the dialogue they have when they’re alone in a scene implies some very sweet things about their relationship to me and I’m glad Zero has found this in his life even tho it does also mean being inextricably connected to one of the most exasperating people in the galaxy lol)   

- Agent ‘yes he is incredibly annoying yes I would kill, die and live for him hope that helps’ Zero and Aava ‘it really doesn’t but good for you honey’ Arek; Ultimate Bros. They really became best bros after hanging out for one (admittedly mutually harrowing) day huh

- The fact that Blue and Zero coordinate their outfits and vehicles, including Zero’s arm… 

- does zero eat ice cream through a straw. He must, right. These are the important questions. Hopefully he and blue figure their shit out asap so he can have his helmet off comfortably and experience eating ice cream with a spoon again at least in a private setting b/c that is Sad to me somehow

- “You just asked me to go to the gala with you, with documents that I forged, to show up another minister! What could possibly be more romantic than that?” and “I need a trophy husband!!” (Aava: “*genuinely bewildered* and why does that equate to a dress in your mind???”) *sniffle* I’m so used to giving and now I get to receive —

The fact that Blue apparently had that dress made to Zero’s measurements before he knew about the gala too is very… Blue Blue we need to talk, explain the strange workings of your mind here please some of the implications across this whole arc — mind boggling, flabberghasting, deranged in the most delightful way there is something so deeply wrong with this man (affectionate despite myself)

- there’s nothing that makes me clutch my face and weep like contemplating all the ways Synox and Bacta are actually very similar. And yet. And still. And here we are and these are the things we’ve done to each other brother. It’s such an interesting way to show off character, having two people with so many shared basic instincts (they are the nature’s Team Dad wet blankets (affectionate) of their respective crews lol) who make such different moral choices about it and end up in such different situations.

- “Love’s a bind. Feelings. Bind” fhdsakj oh zero. Also why did you think having a poetry book about this just casually on you would be less incriminating 

- I have a big place in my heart for Aava/Synox. Knowledge of exact placement of buttcheek tattoo? Canonical fake dating backstory to work with? Aava will call him things like ‘babe’ and Mr. Synox ‘that’s not regulation ma’am’ doesn’t even lift an eyebrow? yes good excellent wonderful (tbh I also quite like tryst/aava and synox/that one art thief nemesis from the dear bluebird letter — campaign star wars is one of the extremely rare pieces of media where I’m mostly a multishipper. It’s only blue and zero who have got such a weird intense obsessive thing going on with each other that I can’t really see (or wish it upon lol) anyone else getting in on it on that level, other than that all combinations are pretty plausible to me and I can see this sea of queer disasterness freely intermingling haha. Thank u campaign for letting me taste the peace and equanimity it is to be a multishipper, I’m normally out there putting all my eggs in one emotion basket like a damn fool) 

- It’s so funny that Zero just lets Blue decide the colours his arms come in. Big ‘happily letting his partner buy his underwear for him kinda man’ energy despite how stylish he is otherwise

- Synox may be the character that makes me laugh the most in all of Campaign. There’s just something about his dry nasal little straight man voice saying something awful that tickles me so very much. I love him utterly you all just don’t know him like I do listen — 

- Synox: “I will say — I really admire the cybernetic thighs and, uh, and glutes that Zero — 

Blue, vehemently agreeing just a little too quickly to not have given this A Lot of thought himself: “Sturdy.”

Synox: “-- that Zero has, yeah.”

Blue: “Sturdy.”

Zero: “Powerhouse.” 

Synox: “Very firm and sturdy, able to withstand any sort of rocking on the ground or anything like that… Sometimes, in the heat of battle, I find myself admiring just how well those machines function.” 

Zero: “...wait, are you checking me out in battle? I mean, that’s fine, but —”

Synox: “Just to make sure —”

Blue, darkly in the background: “No, he isn’t.” 

Synox: “ — make sure your firm is standing… is standing tall and proper.”

Zero: “Why are you sweating so much?”  

Synox, strangled: “Is it hot in here? Is it?” 

Blue: “I’m only gonna say this once. Synox, back off.”  

What a way to send the Evil Campaign off honestly

- Blue casually saying it took like 15 to 20 minutes for him to decide he wanted Zero around for life I’m just — Blue will literally say the most insanely sweet and romantic things solely and only when he’s not aware he’s doing it huh

- for someone whose blorbo love language is fondly dragging them I haven’t made fun of zero nearly enough in this but like… remember when his main objection to blue’s (patently insane) ‘we need to get a kid to pretend to be a perfect nuclear family for the cameras’ idea was ‘yeah I’ve got like nineteen hours to work with here blue I can’t make that happen for you’. That was where he decided the problem was with this. OK simp king

- Zero’s real and deep love for Blue truly comes out in the fact that after all these years he still insists on trying to teach him self defense on a regular basis. The boy’s a twig zero he’s more of a danger to himself than to anyone else and I refuse to believe he could even make it through a pushup. And yet I understand why you must at least try  

- Blue going ballistic at the dude on Metalorn for calling him a kid while being like ‘well you know what difference of opinion here but fair enough I can respect that!’ at Synox aCTUALLY POINTING A FUCKING BLASTER AT HIM AND FIRING TWICE… blue I love you you are strange and unhinged and your priorities are rancid

- Credit where it’s due: Blue’s plan for taking over Phindar for the Empire is actually kind of clever; I wonder if that was something he’d planned for a while or if he came up with that one basically from the hospital bed? He has apparently been going to BHIKKE with Zero for years (even if he does nothing but complain the whole time, predictably, lol and Zero referring to him as ‘his date’ awww) so I can see how the idea could have been percolating in the back of his mind. Either way it’s not a lot of recovery time between the whole getting thrown off a roof thing and the broadcast he does. You get to see so many of his foibles and neuroses in the Evil campaign that it’s easy to forget he actually like. Succeeds at stuff quite frequently too lol Zero has such faith in him for a reason I guess. Did he reach his position by being insane??? (I mean yeah that too. Also Tarkin apparently just collects younger evil gays he’s going to throw in the trash and steal all the accomplishments of once it becomes convenient so that probably did something here. A Krennick is a coincidence, a Krennick and Blue is a pattern)  

- Blue: “I’m not concerned with that position. What I am concerned about is personal goals. And that is something I have in spades. I don’t know what your personal goals are, Aava; that’s why I can’t connect with you. But I have goals, I have aspirations, I have things that I want to complete, and when I complete these things, it makes me whole.”

Aava: “And they don’t have to do with getting any sort of recognition from the Empire?” 

Blue: [sounding faintly puzzled to be asked] “No.” 

This is where my brainrot truly set in I think. ‘When I complete these things, it makes me whole’ and suddenly you understand so much more of what the fuck he’s doing and why it’s never going to work and I’m just — SCREAMING. You fool. You poor stupid idiot. For Zero’s sake if nothing else I wish you a very get well soon and get your priorities in order (tbf the dice stepped up on this one later in the arc I think there’s reason to hope)  

-  Raxus:“I can feel you. You are clever to have gotten this far. But I can feel your fear. Fear of death. But not yours — how noble. You fear the death of another.”

Zero: “I’m not — you’re not in my head.” 

R: “The one you care for… you’re a very nurturing creature. You create these attachments very easily. Looking for a smaller, weaker thing to be the strong arm for.” 

Z: “Get out of my head.”

R: “YES! Anger! Yes! That is what I want. Yes, your anger and your fear — hmm, it slakes the hunger of the Fanged God.” 

Z: “You don’t know — you don’t know what you’re talking about, you don’t know me.” 

R: “I know everything that I need to know about you. I have tasted the blood of the warrior you are many times before. So often do your feelings drive you to victory… but you face the Fanged God now. You’ll be a worthy sacrifice. And after our battle, I will find him, and I will strike him down. Know this: his death is fated. The Fanged God will taste his blood, and there’s no power that you possess with your broken body that could ever hope to save him.”

New ping to Aava: “Zero: Kriff. (transcriber’s note: lol) She sees me. Or she… feels me.”

+ (about Aava trying to save the possessed lady with a ritual instead of killing her) Zero: “We have two different objectives. She threatened Blue!”

So fucking sexy across the whole spectrum tbh. Emotionally dramatically psychologically sexually interpersonally narratively, this fucks. Zero is the ultimate service top and I support him so much. He’s A Very Nurturing Creature and he found this pathetic ginger trash racoon baby in a dumpster doing the knife cat meme; he never stood a chance. Also so kinky fhsadkfhsa he. Enjoys being wielded, does he. Goodness. 

Aava saving Raxus from Zero’s righteous wrath only to have Synox swing in and shoot her dead right after is PEAK comedy and I’m so happy about it

- Aava and Zero teaming up to come up with brand new silly nicknames for Synox casually through a conversation is so blessed. Aava comes out with ‘Syclone’ at one point fhkdjfhask. Syguy. Syclopse, even.

- Transcript of The scene after the gala:

As Aava and Zero are having this conversation directly in front of Blue, Blue’s head just sorta sinks down again. And his whole body sinks down — he just drops to the ground, sits on his ass, puts his back to the bannister that’s behind him. Throws his cane off to the side. 

B:“It’s been a mess of a night. It’s been a mess of a life. I — I came from, what some would say a lot, what some would say was very little, to, to make a name, and I’ve — I’ve made a name, I have made a name that I thought matters. But every time I come to one of these events, I’m the butt of the joke. I’m the butt of the joke before I get here, I’m the butt of the joke while I’m here, I’m the butt of the joke to my face; my friends who came with me — I’m the butt of the joke right in front of them. Right now… how am I supposed to function in that type of environment? How can any person deal with that level of stress? The only thing I am is what a success I am, and I am not actually a success. I’ve convinced one person in the entire Empire to give me a shot, and that was Grand Moff Tarkin; I have done one thing successful in my entire career, and — I sit in a room with people laughing at me. 

Zero, you wanna go home? Go home. I pay for a bodyguard, not because I need a bodyguard, I pay for a bodyguard so you’ll be here. Aava?”

A: “Mhmm?”

B: “You’re an evil, evil space witch.”

A: “Morality is real relative, Blue. I take exception to ‘evil’, and I wish you wouldn’t use it.” 

B: “And you have very annoying beliefs on philosophy. But you are one of the few people I trust in a deadly situation, and that’s why I asked you to be here.”

A: “...at a gala?”

B: “Does it get any more deadly?” 

A: [crestfallen] “YES! Blue… yes.” She sinks down on her knees next to him. “These things aren’t that scary.”

B: “You can handle these things.” 

A: “Yeah.”

B: “I — listen. I know you see me as a rock.” 

Z: [Flatly & immediately] “No. No one sees you like that. You’re like…”

B: [:’( ] “Really?”

Z: “Yeah. You’re like… at best you’re wet sand. Like, you’re able to take a lot of different shapes, but —”

B: [interspersed]  “These — these are the insults to — to my name and — I — very hurtful—”

Z: “ — but at any kind of, like, opposition — a water current, even a little bit of rain, and you start crumbling apart.”

A: “There’s a difference —”

B: “Knives to my heart right now.”

A: “ — a difference between an insult and an observation.”

Z: “Yeah…”

B: “Uh, I’m not, I’m not seeing the difference between the two in this particular instance.”

Z: “No, keep going, keep going, I feel like we got a bit, side tracked you with…”

B: “Yeah, you did, okay, where were we — you all see me as a rock.”

Z: “Nah. I gotta say — again… no, we should — ”

A: “You’re very shaky. As an individual.”

Z: “Yeah. Mhm.”

A: “Both physically and mentally.”

Z: “It’s real easy to get under your skin, and I feel like — like once, you do it one time and the whole week is ruined, and…”

B: “I’m a sensitive guy, that’s what I’m trying to tell you.” 

Z: “Okay, okay, yeah — continue. Just, not a rock, but, uh, continue. [muttering all in one breath] Okay go ahead.” 

B: “You all see me as a rock. But I’m actually a sensitive guy. Every now and then you can see glimpses through, to the true Blue. And I’m a little blue, sometimes. Events like this, I thought this would be — this would be my time. Could show up someone, could be Blue, I wouldn’t be…the guy being laughed at, wouldn’t be the kid. That’s what they call me in that room, you know it.”

A: [softly] “You’re pretty young.”

Z: [also more softly] “Yeah, man.”    

B: “I don’t like being called a kid. I don’t like being treated like a kid. I don’t like being treated like the person who doesn’t belong in that room. Zero, did anyone think you didn’t belong in that room? Aava, did anyone think you didn’t belong in that room?”

A: “Probably.” 

Z: “No.”

A: “You don’t know that.”

B: “I do know that!”

A: [sighs] “They also don’t believe Zero belongs there. Because, the thing is — he’s a bodyguard. And I’m an alien. And there are starting to become problems with being an alien. Are you not paying attention to what the Empire is doing, Blue?”

B: [slightly affronted] “I’m paying very close attention to what the Empire is doing. Yes, there are xenophobic people in here, but that’s not the large reach of the Empire. (tone implies a little bit of a …?)”

A: “It’s also what you are promoting. It’s what you’re creating.”

B: “Hm, you gotta do what they want you to do, to a degree.” 

A: “Right, I’m not talking about that, I’m just saying that — that’s the increasingly predominant culture.”

B: “...do you think so?”

A: “Yes.”

B: “So you don’t feel like you belong here either?”

A: “No.”

B: “Zero, do you feel like you belong here?”

Z: “Aaah, I don’t belong here, and I don’t wanna be here.”

B: “Well, the ship doesn’t get back for another four hours. And if the three of us don’t belong in that room… why don’t we order some damn drinks and have our own little party here?”

Z: “I talked to the guy at the bar, uh, he says he’s gonna be breaking out the cherry mimosas soon. Maybe get a sneak peak at that guy, and… I don’t know, maybe see if we can get access to Jakar’s cruiser and… mess up the engine?”

A: “Yes! Yes!”

B: “I’m fully on board with this.” 

A: “Yes! Yes!”

B: “Waiter! Three mimosas and the largest wrench you have!”

Ah yes here it is… ground zero for my all-encompassing insanity. Can u believe that the dramatic climax of the Evil Campaign as it ended up is just proving once and for all that Blue has a soul somewhere in there. It took a dice roll damn near close to divine intervention, but we got there. The Force is real and it ships Zeblue. 

- the fact that the pivotal moment at the end of the evil campaign is blue rolling a fucking insight check on himself. Like that check was not about aava or zero b/c they’ve spelled their side of it out Very Clearly. That was just to find out if Blue has any idea about his own bullshit. He basically just obliviously speedran processing Some Shit about internalized homophobia and compulsory heterosexuality in a frenzy and in the least graceful way imaginable and made it the problem of everyone he loves and that was the subtextual background theme, there was so much other stupid shit going on in the foreground the whole time as well. Wild. what a strange and beautiful world we live in. what a weird little dude (affectionate). Zero’s weird little dude. Also genuinely that conversation leading up to it was more stressful to me than 90% of all horror movies lol you do not need an action scene to keep me riveted you just have to offer up some prom night drama and I’m out here biting my nails. The fellow autistic ‘blue you are getting an F- in being a person something that is possible to achieve and normal to dread’ trauma response 

- Zero (RIGHTFULLY!) being so hurt and mad at Blue and still just holding his caf and giving it to him after he’s finished his own… I’m sorry 0ni it’s love and it’s terminal

- Also Zero is extremely valid for being upset about all the shit Blue pulls in that arc but there is also the element of like… some of the lack of clarity in that relationship is on Zero too for taking the easy out of claiming he’s mostly in it for the paycheck again and again. Like for god’s sake don’t let the little trash man off the hook for any of the nonsense that just went down but you have also not been communicating what you want from this, and he is actually doing his best to provide you with the stuff you have told him you want. He’s SO interpersonally stupid and you know this, you know him, he is not going to miraculously sprout the ability to intuit your deepest hopes and dreams from nothing, especially when you specifically keep deflecting away from them fjhsdkjhfa you can’t both keep playing chicken forever

They clearly have a really intense and intimate connection and seemingly have from very early on (again blue says it took him fifteen minutes to know he wanted zero around for life so like jot that down I guess wtf), but the heavy romantic and sexual undertones to their relationship (at least in any mutual or realized way) are presumably quite a recent development — Blue met and hired Zero when he was 14/15 and from the Vibes I’d say Zero is probably about a decade older (ETA: checked the wiki and campaign twitter and that does indeed seem to be right); he seems to have had a pretty storied career and a huge life-changing injury he’d cyborged himself through already. So for the first time Zero knew him, Blue was a kid, and you can absolutely see traces of that in how they interact sometimes. Not quite parental or older brother territory, but certainly a sort of nurturing caretaking thing that makes a lot of sense once you know Zero was around for Blue’s most undignified teenage years and probably is the only reason he survived them because you know he was pissing so many people off left and right haha. 

In the Metalorn arc especially we repeatedly see Blue turning to Zero for guidance more like you would from a guardian than a bodyguard or employee or even a friend. (See: the “Awww but I wanted to rampage :(“/”We’ll go out and rampage some other day, buddy, does that sound okay?” convo especially haha but that same vibe pops up in lots of places. Actually taking the advice Zero gives is another thing entirely of course.) There’s also his complete conviction in Zero’s abilities that edges on the touchingly naive — “You’re Zero!”, like more than anything that’s got an edge to it of the utter faith a small kid has that their parent can do anything, because they always fix things.

We never hear anything about Blue’s parents and he certainly seems to be completely in control of his own estate and money, so my assumption is that they’re probably dead? My personal headcanon is that he hired Zero because his parents died (read: were politically assassinated) and wanted both security and revenge, but even aside from that I think we can read from his entire *gestures vaguely* deal that there was some deeply lacking parenting going on from the beginning haha I think I said somewhere before that if any character has ever had My Parents Never Loved Me energy it’s Blue.

And then you get to the place in the timeline where the actual podcast runs, where Blue is a grown man now, and they’re much closer to actually being equals in some ways and it’s opened ahem some new doors, but also the seesaw of their dynamic haven’t quite settled into that balance yet (and has some real hurdles they need to clear re: the employer/employee aspect of it all as well, messy power balances all around here) and it’s a bit of a Struggle, which is some of the subtextual throughline I’m seeing through their whole arc. 

So while of course part of the imbalance in their relationship is that Blue is Zero’s employer, and also wields power politically in ways Zero doesn’t (and couldn’t, because of the anti-alien policies of the Empire) and also is awful in his own strange special little ways that must be pretty hard to live with lol, there’s also all this other stuff, like the age gap where Zero is older, more experienced and capable out in the world and in relationships (also more psychologically stable in general but that’s damning with faint praise I suppose), and that their relationship must have shifted in some key ways quite recently as Blue is growing into adulthood. It’s so weird and messy and interesting at the same time that it’s oddly comforting and domestic and incredibly mutually tender-hungry and I am obsessed with it. Most of my writing energy has probably gone into picking apart ‘...so why doesn’t this feel creepy’ 

- Sort of adjacent but also fascinated by how, to Zero, Blue seems to be some insane combination of ward and liege lord (as a public thing much much more so than a private one I think but no matter what it seems deeply kinky haha) and friend and boss and brother and purpose and partner and someone he’s clearly grown to desperately want to kiss in recent years despite the warning signs etc. What if you were one of the coolest guys in the galaxy and you met a terrible little nerd guy who gives your life meaning. Zero having such a drive towards being something to someone. He likes being the right hand, the sword, and what does mutuality look like here. It’s a delicious sort of equal partners/conspirators and fealty dynamic going on it’s very interesting

- Zero’s priorities are hilarious and wonderful to me honestly. Working, however indirectly, for an Empire that is, for sure, very eager to eradicate him and people like him eventually? Mild unease and distaste at worst, eh, it’s a living, in this economy what can you do, I go where he goes. Blue not paying attention to him for 24 hours? Meltdown. Personal and spiritual crisis. I cannot live or thrive under these conditions. 

- is it logistically likely that Blue has never seen Zero’s face under the helmet before? Probably not, honestly, it’s been like six to seven years and presumably he must at least have done research on Zero to have hired him in the first place. Is it thematically delicious if he hasn’t but some day soon will? Yes. And that trumps everything else lol 

- The fact that the Bluebird crew have karaoke nights and ice cream Sundays. And Synox is being so brave about it. 

- Blue going “We are in public!” to Zero. married vibes. Also the choice of calling the hired killer he employs ‘pretty’ while he’s moving him around (which Zero must be partially letting him do because he would need to tense one (1) muscle to resist all the force Blue is physically capable of extending). Many thoughts. 

- What if Blue’s family was like… nouveau riche though. What if the wealth happened in the generation of his grandparents at most and it was based in some sort of ingenious patent in agricultural engineering or whatever because they were farmers originally. Genuinely groundbreaking stuff in that field that increased agricultural yields across the galaxy (or some significant amount of biomes, at least) and everything, but hardly something to build a political career on in the Empire. Making sense of how completely disdainful Blue gets at the idea of being a farmer because Blue is nothing if not a complete hypocrite lol

This also makes some sense out of him having both seemingly unlimited funds but also a mountain-sized chip on his shoulder to me haha. He never denies that the credits sure do help kickstart a career, but at least in his mind (BIG YMMV disclaimer on the actual facts of the situation of course lol) he’s also starting from a disadvantageous situation in other ways. He says: ‘I came from what some would say was a lot, what some would say was very little, to make a name’ (implying the name has not ‘been made’ before him, despite the embarrassment of resources his family clearly has had at their disposal?). Having him be from a non-warrior clan in Mandalorian culture and/or an established family who’d fallen entirely out of relevancy until very recently is my solution but also it’s fun that as short as this campaign is there’s enough great Stuff in it to make for this amount of theorizing haha. 

ETA: so I scoured the campaign twitter back to 2016 (*gentle sobs are heard in the background*) and apparently Blue’s parents were pacifists and (from what I could read out of it) probably connected to Satine’s system/new nobility! This matches up pretty well with what I’m going for already so that’s nice

- Commander ‘Overprotective Dad’ Synox sending a whole little squad of stormtroopers for Aava and Zero after their speeder blows up…………… 

- zeblue is just… 

Zero: *sigh* I want to fuck him so bad it makes me look silly😔

Blue, heartbroken and jealous: WHO??? Who is this mystery man I must kill I mean vet before you kiss him

Aava: you do look very silly but unfortunately I am in no position to judge

- Synox sending Blue reading material about traditional Mandalorian warrior culture because it’s Their Heritage and Blue being like ‘lol. Lmao.’ and not reading a word of it is sooooo… listen their dynamic has Layers. There’s some Stuff going on here. It’s Mandalorian fuckery all the way down. Blue is Mandalorian and fits much better in the mold Satine tried to fit the culture into, but he uses that to dedicate all his time and energy to presenting Synox, who’s in that weird liminal space of Mandalorianness of all clones what with their training and origins, as a new modern soldier’s ideal for the Empire but shorn of all distinctness or cultural specificity and that’s the thing they make together for the Empire. There’s that disdain in Blue’s view of the culture he comes from, and yet he has such a good eye for the appeal of elements of it in Synox (and also a lot of stuff about the presentation of masculinity in here haha. Blue has a Fine Eye for it. Who knows why. Could be no reason at all. Who’s to say) 

Also probably not something to read into but from Synox’ comments, Blue’s music sounds notably non-Coruscanti (what it does sound like, presumably, is ‘a fucking cacophony’)  

- Zero and Blue audibly high fiving in the background when Zero gets the ‘I’d never betray you’ right on the second try fsdfjad ah Friendship

- “why do you need a bodyguard?” 

“Look at me!”

Amazing self-own from blue outta nowhere jfsjda

- gentle reminder that after talking to jacinto reth, blue spends the rest of the metalorn arc absolutely drenched in caf. He does his little sales pitch to corvanus presumably covered in duracrete dust and definitely caf. The fact that it almost kinda worked is a miracle basically I guess people are just taken aback by being talked at loudly and confidently by a dude who looks like he’s barely out of middle school 

- Zero drawling “You’re just so wildly efficient” on his and Blue’s private line is extremely… it’s very…. Several points in this first episode where you’re just like ‘HOW! HOW are they not already fucking’ lol. (To which the answer seems to be: Probably because Blue does not seem entirely clear on what sex is yet. Man the BDSM Dear Bluebird sure was a ride but it also explains so much) He’s just talking about how he’s going to get paid to watch Blue smile. Keep it in your pants Agent Zero you’re in Louphan’s office fhdsjkah

- “Zero, just — honestly. Did I act unprofessionally or rash in this situation?”

(sounding slightly defeated) “We didn’t act any differently than we normally do. It’s just that —”

Why is this so funny to me. So that really is just how they’ve been rolling through the galaxy is it. This is just how they live. 

- The immediate shift in tone between Zero and Blue once Synox leaves the room so they’re in private and Zero freely freaking out is everything to me fhdsjakfhas it’s so… domestic. Like they’re both putting up public fronts for Synox and then collapsing into unvarnished intimate back and forth chaos the moment they’re alone.

Z: “HE DIDN’T MOVE AT ALL!”

B: [giddy]: “I know, it was really badass!”

Z: [indignant] “What, are you kidding me, are you on the droid’s side??”

B: [still equally giddy] “Well, clearly I’m not!”

I think Blue just gets off on seeing Zero do cool stuff honestly lol  

- Zero, turning to Synox: “If you draw a gun on him again, you lose that hand” SO sexy. Oh to have someone who will back you unconditionally even when you are 100% for sure the problem in this situation hahaha. Oh to feel that ride or die certainty for someone. Oh to be that utterly selfish. 

- I am making But if you saw him when he isn’t putting on that front… it’s worth it. Somehow do so much work in this fic I am taking so many things on faith but also I think I am right to. Zero might be besotted but he’s also not a fool, if Blue was genuinely a nightmare to deal with interpersonally (like one on one) most of the time I don’t think he would have stuck it out this long haha. Considering that the minister posting is a relatively new development I could see all that stress exacerbating what was already a less than pleasant/stable personality at the outset

- relistening to campaign from the beginning and getting to zero’s introduction scene again is such a ride. The first time around you’re just sitting there in ‘uh-oh leenik!!!!’ dread and then the second time my reaction was ‘AW LOOK IT’S MY GOOD GOOD FRIEND AGENT ZERO :D OMG HI’ as he walks away drenched in blood fhsakjd   

His BIG SIGH at blue talking to him over comms and telling him to stand down… there’s a little bit of early appearance weirdness going on with him in the beginning (like his weird growly voice hfsjkda) but that is pitch perfect. That is spiritually correct for him.  

- Zero (breaking Aava off during a Dear Bluebird where a Sith-adjacent sort of person is asking what to do with their murderous underling): “You give ‘em something to do, keep their hands busy. But also, you gotta think about why this person is insisting to kill so many people. Is he trying to impress you? Is he going after some attention you’re otherwise not giving him? These are all things that can feed into outlashing — acting out, taking out your aggression on something else. Whether that be meaningless tasks, or the blood of another species.”

Aava: “Absolutely! It’s a master/student relationship, and if you’re not being an adequate master to this person, then to my mind they have full right to rebel.”

Zero: “They gotta get satisfied some way.” [transcriber’s note: GOTTA GET SATISFIED SOME WAY that’s how you chose to phrase it is it? I was willing to let ‘Is he trying to impress you? Is he going after some attention you’re not giving him?’ go, but ZERO!!! BUDDY!!!!!]

Blue: “...Zero, do we need to — do we need to have a conversation? You’ve flipped the last three Scrabble boards, and now, based on, on your answer — you okay? You getting everything? Do we need to do Sunday night ice cream again? What’s going on with you, buddy? Huh?”

Zero: “Sometimes, the Bluebird isn’t as big as you think. And I just kind of want to stretch out, and there’s so many training sessions going on all the time, and everyone’s stuck to such a very strict regimen, and there’s only so many places where you can get alone time, and then you installed the morning announcements, and I don’t wake up when you wake up. And you wake up before anybody ever should wake up.”

Rare Synox and Blue bonding over being the most sleepless bitches on this ship by design lol. Listen blue I’ll believe that synox is just built different but you’re going to have a heart attack before you reach thirty pls sort this out I don’t want to see zero be a widower

- Lore note: Zero does not like Scrabble fhdskjfhas. Space Scrabble, presumably. Sprabble.

- both zero and blue noticing synox getting triggered by seeing a battle droid in the metalorn arc and stopping what they’re doing to check in with him is. Kind of sweet actually

- today I found out that the guiness world record for an ensemble of stringed instruments is 1021 people playing at the same time. so I think blue was actually being admirably restrained and everyone owes him a big apology (I jest(er) of course no one should ever apologize to blue for anything)  

- B: “I think that’s something we can all agree with. Right, Aava?”

A: “Why are you looking at me?”

B: “I’m looking at you because I don’t think you support this.”

A: “Stop.”

B: [Suspicious/incredulous] “Hmm.”

A: “Look at Zero.”

B: “I’m not gonna look at Zero.” 

A: “You like looking at Zero.”

B: “I do like looking at Zero. I’m gonna glance over there, but I’m coming right back.”

Z: [ :) ] “Hi.”

B: “‘Sup. [Beat] Aava, you need to answer the question.”

A: [Innocently] “What was the question?”

B: [Clearly derailed from one quick peek Zero-ward, laughing] “I’m… not really sure.”

What a GIFT, best setup of all time followed by slam dunk no notes 

- “You just said we need a heads result, I give you a heads result!” Love, Blue style. He will rig a coin flip to let you kill someone you really wanted to kill 

- Synox going “Zero doesn’t have any rank, it wouldn’t matter if we killed him” in the background is so underestimated both in terms of hilarity and awfulness fhsdja

- Zero’s very carefully neutral statement about Blue’s fashion sense pre-jester reveal that “You are definitely the one of us wearing the most layers” fasdkjha

- I’m going to take Zero’s after-gala ‘where are they now’ segment as definitive proof he and Blue worked it out very quickly after that night. Your honor, I summon the panini metaphor for making love (notably not having sex. Making love.) from the Dear Mynock in episode 70 as evidence for my case, and now I shall rest it safe in the knowledge that at least spiritually I am Right thank you and good night. 

He made a panini. It was good :) good for him <3

- Z: “Blue and You! Write that down!” haha awww he sounds so genuinely excited! Maybe one day when their relationship could stand up to this utmost challenge they could be a musical duo (orchestral string music and edm/house would be. It would be something as a combination.) 

- Dear Bluebirds outside of Evil Campaign:

Episode 60

Episode 73 (fashion one, jester supremacy. If you haven’t seen this animatic of that one before, please give yourself a treat and do so now, it’s one of my favorite things in the whole world) 

Episode 79 (Phindar takeover)

Episode 83 (it’s the BDSM one fjsadkl)

- Basically I think what I’m trying to say is that the Bluebird crew are a group of very bad people whose sole saving grace and hope for salvation from themselves is that they love each other. And I wrote a lot of words about that and had a lot of feelings. Thank you to the Campaign podcast for getting me through 2023, I'm very grateful.

[omppupiiras]

khkkhh i just had a violent flashback to my coworker saying "OMPPU WILL TELL U EVERYTHING" when another coworker of mine asked if i was okay with her telling the story of an embarrassing thing i did/said with the 1st coworker 😭😭 so if i ever babble or overshare here dw it's normal i will tell everyone everything sighhh

[meatsound]

turning my lawn into not a lawn is expensive and exhausting but its about to become strawberry heaven

[loreweaver-universe]

Part 3 of my first playthrough of Zero Escape: Zero Time Dilemma is up on Youtube! Click here for the ongoing playlist!

[slimmestslime]

rewatched the first season of teen titans and i remember swooning a little over slade

guess who hasnt changed

[pharaohbean]

it says something when i'm being forced (lovingly) to continue my incomplete nnwm project

did i mention my nnwm project is only doing a third of this entire book. it has 110 chapters of roughly 2k each. i didnt even get 30 done in november haha

.......please pray for my sanity-

[hostilemuppet]

[isabelguerra]

if i ever sound mean about characters know that it isn’t because i dislike them and is because i think theyd be fun to trap+shake in a jar