#there were some terms i couldnt find but mostly everythings there!

[losergendered]

(sorry if this is too much stuff but can you also include the past sprites for characters with them)

Honey/Miss Hailey from Ribbon Rabbit Daycare is an autistic, verbal, transneu, demigirl, girlflux, canon lesbian, demisexual, hyperromantic, beegender, honeycoric, honeyjamgender, apigender, genderbumble, honeyan, mushroomgender, biogender, naturecoric, naturecollector, flowergender woman with OCD, canon depression and arthritis who uses she/it/they/ve/ae/bee/honey/pollen/bumble/ buzz/sting/flower/honeycomb/hive/api/🐝/🍯/🌸/💐/🌼 pronouns!

💐s girlfriend Tonn/Tahlia is an autistic, semiverbal, bigender, bigender woman, canon lesbian, asexual, caedromantic, femme, medigender, nursething, medipuppic, medicattic, medibunnic, nursecoric, nursewinged, nursyricgender, cloudcoric, foggender woman with DPD, amnesia and muscular dystrophy who uses she/they/it/ve/ae/nurse/med/hospi/bandaid/ pill/doc/iv/cloud/rain/haze/fog/☁️/🌧️/🌫️/💊/💉/🩹 pronouns!

Trixi is a canon autistic, hyperverbal, canon transfem, demigirl, canon panromantic, pan lesbian, canon asexual, demiromantic, femme, autigender, traumacoric, traumafem, cutecoric, cutegender, catgender, bungender, kitgender, bunnygender, eepygender, catbungender, rainbowbunian, marshybungender, bunnytix, cutecollector girl with ADHD, GAD, depression and obsessive dream disorder who uses she/they/it/xe/bun/bunny/rabbit/hop/soft/ fuzzy/cute/kit/cat/kitty/mew/purr/paw/flop/fluff/hugz/🐰/🐇/🥕/🌸/🐾/🧃/🌈 pronouns!

Flops boyfriend Momo is an autistic, semiverbal, transmasc, demiboy, polypan, gay, asexual, canon demiromantic, queerplatonic, peachigender, fruitgender, berrygender, citrusgender, fruitcoric, strawbgender, cherrygender, blueberrygender, plumgender, peargender, sourcandygender, orangegender, naturecoric boy with GAD, PTSD, PPD, dyslexia and depression who uses he/they/it/ae/vir/peach/cherry/plum/lych/mango/nectar/apri/🍑/🍓/🍒/🍉/🍊/🍬 pronouns!

Trixis friend Sky is an autistic, verbal, transmasc, genderfluid, canon panromantic, canon asexual, canon aromantic, autigender, scenecoric, scenegender, webcoric, memegender, memecoric, skillissuephrasic, memecollector, kandiravermeane, nyancatgender, kandigender, nyancatic, noobgender, robloxgender, cringecoric, tacnaynic, catnipgender furry with ADHD, BPD, NPD and asthma who uses he/she/it/they/xe/zey/zhe/sh3/h3/th3y/1t/meme/cringe/roblo/noob/nya/nyan/cat/kit/ k1tty/k1ttenz/zoom/stim/🌈/😈/any pronouns!

Trixis adoptive mom Susie is an autistic, verbal, canon biromantic, canon asexual, demiromantic, bakerygender, bakerycoric, cakegender, dessertic, cookiegender, muffingender, beysgender, pastromic, bakephoric, croissantgender, lovebakean woman with PTSD and depression who uses she/love/bake/heart/cake/pie/sweetie/🍰/🥮 pronouns!

Unknown/Amélie Finch is an autistic, nonverbal, canon transfem, transfemmasc, biromantic, canon asexual, canon aromantic, intersex, butch, uncannyvalleyic, neurogender, hoodiegender, borderix, bordergender, creepgender, losergirl, gendercreep girl with BPD, NPD, PTSD, dejected narcissism, depression and muscular dystrophy who uses she/they/xe pronouns!

Axel is an autistic, semiverbal, transneumasc, transfem questioning, bi gay, canon gay, demisexual, canon akioromantic, polymonoflux, intersex, sciencegender, sciencecoric, chemgender, chemistrygender, simulthing, madscien, doggender, pupgender, alienpupgender, slimepupgender man with OCD, canon germaphobia, tourettes, and epilepsy who uses he/it/xe/they/sci/pup/dog/woof/doggy/puppy/bark/arf/chem/chemical/test/experi/🧪/🐾/🦴/💉 pronouns!

🧪 has a crush on Spector, an autistic, hyperverbal, transneu, nonbinary, agender, canon biromantic, turigirl, aegosexual, aromantic, polyamorous, futch, sciencegender, sciencecoric, genderscientist, virusgender, gooplexic, fouscitze, madscien, madscientistgender, madvialic, toxiccore, experithing, vilegender, frankengender, acidgender, slimeweirdo, scithing, sevenhundredmillionratsgender, biohazardlexic, pronounhoarding woman with ADHD, OCD, BPD, SzPD and chronic pain who uses it/he/xe/they/she/sh3/th3y/sci/bio/chem/ chemical/hazard/acid/slime/goo/chaos/vile/ experiment/toxic/mad/psych/scien/virus/ electric/lab/test/goggle/mayhem/rainbow/bright/neon/🧪/💉/🌈/💊/🧬/🔭/⚡️/X3 pronouns!

Patty is an autistic, verbal, transfem, girlflux, canon unlabled, sapphic, acespec, butch, burgercatgender, burgerbungender, burgerpupgender, burgerratgender, cowgender, meatgirl, beefgender woman with ADHD and POTS who uses she/he/🥩/🍖/🐮/🍔 pronouns!

🐮s girlfriend Kettle is an autistic, semiverbal, transmasc, nonbinary, canon biromantic, asexual, hyperromantic, femme, muttongender, ewegender, sheepgender, fleecygender, lambgender, popcorngender, genderpopcorn, caramelcornic, circusgender, cottoncandyic, carnimelodic, sillygender girl with ADHD and echolalia with she/it/they/he/pop/lamb/ewe/ram/sheep/ baa/horn/fleece/fuzz/treat/circus/🍿/🎪/🎠/🐑/🐏 pronouns!

Ink/Iris is an autistic, nonverbal, canon nonbinary, bi gaybian, apothisexual, canon requiesromantic, GNC, autigender, hoodiegender, ichthyogender, koigender, fishskeletic, ghotigender, fishgender, narwhalgender, oceanic, sharkgender, achegender, cavusgender, depressifem, depressimasc boy with OCD, GAD, SAD, depression, body dysmorphia and bulimia who uses they/it/xe/thing/shark/ocean/sea/wave/kelp/coral/fish/fin/squid/octo/jelly/🌊/🐟/🐠/🐡/🦑/🪼/🪸/🐋 pronouns!

🐟 has a (mutual) crush on Marlon, an autistic, semiverbal, nonbinary, genderfluid, canon unlabled, aegosexual, jesterdesic, jestergender, circusgender, pinkgender, cutecoric, cutegoric, cutehoarder, pastelpinkgender, gendercute, dollcute, pastelgender, pastelpurplegender, delusogender, pinklita, sweetcute, cottoncandyic, kawaiicoric, pinkoric, cutebeing boy with ADHD, schizoaffective disorder, chronic vocal tic disorder and delusions who uses He/it/she/cyute/💕/🌸/🌷/🎀/🍭/🍬/🧸/🐾/🍡/🍮/🍰 pronouns!

Cyute works with Pip, an autistic, hyperverbal, agender, apangender, canon pansexual, apothisexual, apothiromantic, clowngender, clowncoric, circusgender, circuscandyic, clowndollgender, evilclownic, jesterdesic, sillyheehoogender, clownmeatic, gendervillain, evilgender, prankgender thing with ADHD, BPD, NPD, PTSD, manic episodes and anger issues who uses he/xe/zey/xae/zhe/clown/circus/jester/honk/prank/pop/bop/pitter/laugh/rainbow/fool/color/juggle/balloon/trick/🤡/🎪/🎡/🎠/🎈/🌈/🎉/:o)/:o( pronouns!

🌈 used to work with Taffy, an autistic, verbal, girlflux, canon unlabled, sapphic, asexual, demiromantic, kidcoric, rainbowgender, kiddiekitty, neonrainbowgender, neongender, bouncygender, glittergender, nosaebire, kiddieduckic, kiddiepuppic, kiddiebearic, kiddiehamstic, kiddiebunnic, kiddierattic, kiddiesnailic, 🌈emojic girl with ADHD, SPD and ehler danlos syndrome who uses she/it/zhe/🌈/🍭/🍬 pronouns!

Hanani is an autistic, hyperverbal, genderfluid, pangender, canon bisexual, arofluid, canon polyamorous, eccentrigender, schizic, ghostgender, skhizeingender, ghostcoric, chaoscoric, ghostfem, ghostneu, ghostmasc, phasmaeic, sillygender, tbhgender girl with ADHD, BPD, HPD, schizophrenia, manic episodes, muscular dystrophy and catatonia who uses she/xe/they/ve/silly/stim/weird/chao/ghost/spirit/boo/haunt/spookie/phantom/scary/para/🌈/♾️/👻/💥 pronouns!

Their brother Lazarus is an autistic, verbal, canon bisexual, aromantic, intersex, witchic, witchgender, eyegender, goldoculuminic, scopogender, thirdeyegender, eldritchboy, lovecraftic, lovecrafthing, eldritchthing, unholything man with NPD, ASPD, PTSD, depression, anger issues and muscular dystrophy who uses he/xe/occult/eye/scopo/symbol/rune/mon/eldri/? pronouns!

Symbols adopted daughter Luna is an autistic, semiverbal, agender, unlabled, canon asexual, canon aromantic, queerplatonic, intersex, autigender, witchgender, witchish, covenwitch, stargender, wildwitch, witchgirl, zombiegender, kittengender, zombzgender, wizardic, wizorbic, fantasygender, magicgender, circgender, faegender, magicia, magicoric girl with OCD, dysgraphia and fibromyalgia who uses she/it/they/he/ve/shx/thxy/ae/fae/ae/witch/wiz/sparkle/dazzle/glitter/magic/wand/mage/mana/spell/potion/cast/conjure/charm/hex/zombie/rot/🪄/🧪/🪻/✨/⭐️/🌟/💫/🔮 pronouns! 

Tobi is an autistic, semiverbal, canon transmasc, demiboy, canon bisexual, no lesboy, veldihet, hyperverbal, demiromantic, darklovecoric, romanticreepthing, eatyourheartoutphrasic, romantigorecoric, dissecaregender, hauntmour, needyloverboy, passionconceptic, lovegoreic, lovebodiment, rosegore man with BPD, MasoPD, OLD and SAD who uses he/ve/love/obsess/lover/romance/❤️/🥀/🔪/🩸 pronouns!

Veir girlfriend Vanessa is an autistic, verbal, transfem, canon bisexual, arospec, intersex, polyamorous, rosegender, rosegore, bloodcoric, rosebloodaxean, darklovecoric, lovesickgender, obsesscoric, obsessilovic, deadlovegender, lovegoric, gasperichornic, romancegoric woman with ADHD, BPD, NPD, SadoPD and arthritis who uses she/they/ve/vae/rose/blood/red/kiss/wine/🥀/❤️/🩸/🍷 pronouns!

Riuki is an autistic, semiverbal, transmasc, nonbinary, canon biromantic, canon asexual, grayromantic, transmascject, emocoric, emocatgender, vampbatbloodkissic, emothing, emoboyish, loserboy, emox, emolovecatgender, vampcatgender, killercattic, gorrorslashxic, gothcattic, gothcoric, metallian, sketchgender, lovegoric, genderhoarder boy with ADHD, PTSD, depression and canon insomnia who uses xe/he/they/h3/th3y/ix/hx/thxy/xt/it/emo/spike/meow/purr/maow/loser/blood/vamp/fang/bite/gore/slash/bat/rot/bone/🩸/🥀/🔪/🐾/🦴/💔/🦷/📼 pronouns!

Meows boyfriend Sakira is an autistic, semiverbal, canon transgender, transfem, demiboy, canon biromantic, bi gay, turigirl, asexual, hyperromantic, queerplatonic, intersex, kitsunegender, joygender, foxgender, foxboygender, softfoxgender, vulpisilly, foxberrix, kitsunic, kitsuneboyic, 

8-bit_kitsunic, vulamovillian, fuchsgender, konpeitocoric, pandabam therian with ADHD, DPD and dyslexia who uses he/it/she/they/ve/fox/kit/kitsune/vix/viy/fluff/red/silly/ioy/paw/tail/🎍/🎋/🦊/✨/💫/🐲/:D/:P/:)/:} pronouns!

Riukis friend Soda/Sam is an autistic, verbal, transneufem, agender, canon pansexual, pan lesbian, aromantic, polyamorous, femme, autigender, scenecoric, scenegender, catgender, scenecatgender, sodagender, colagender, sodayic, fizzydrinkic, cherrysodagender, popsodagender, snackgender, rainbowgender, caliadorcakic, cucomlovia, gleepcatgender, creepercatgender, iracodethmic, spacecolagender, musicgender girl with ADHD, BPD, dysgraphia and hyperempathy who uses she/it/he/they/xe/zy/shx/hx/thxy/scene/rainbow/color/bright/music/rock/star/cat/kit/ kitten/kitty/owo/rawr/nya/mew/meow/meorr/ purrr/paw/tail/whisker/game/glep/soda/pop/fizzy/🐱/🐈/🐈‍⬛/🌈/🎸/🎶/🎵/🎧/✨/⭐️/💫/:P/:3 pronouns!

Purrr and 🔪 are also friends with Crawler, an autistic, semiverbal, transneumasc, canon lesbian, queer, canon asexual, canon aromantic, soft butch, intersex, dyke, facecovercomfin, crackedmaskic, maskgender, scenecoric, scemogender, scenegender, cringecoric, musicgender, scenevampiric, metalgoric, metalvamp, vampgender, musicstar, ravegender, grungical, musijoyic, metalfem, metalmasc, musictix, scenezombix enby with ADHD, BPD, OSDD, depression and body dysmorphia who uses she/they/he/xe/zyx/shx/sh#/hx/h#/thxy/th#y/scemo/scene/loud/crash/bam/forensic/bash/bang/music/rock/metal/nightcore/night/kandi/raccoon/💀/🌈/🎵/🎶/🎸/🌙/🦝/🎹/🌌/🌃 pronouns!

🦝s qpp K9 is an autistic, nonverbal, canon transmasc, genderfluid, bxy, canon gay, asexual, apothisexual, aromantic, queerplatonic, faggot, emocoric, scenecoric, scenegender, musicgender, ametalmasc, scenevampiric, vampgender, headphojoyic, musictix, metallian, vamptix, scenix, emox, scemocoric, cartoonspinnic, oldcartoonvampic, puptoongender, hallotoongender boy with inattentive ADHD, SAD, dyslexia, muscular dystrophy and extreme facial scarring who uses he/it/xe/scene/scemo/rawr/vamp/bite/fang/blood/nya/cartoon/animate/silly/hyper/music/metal/toons/monster/plur/XD/X3/🦷/🌈/🎸/🎶/🎵/🦝/🎨/:D/:(/>:)/>:(/:P pronouns!

Ophiuchus is an autistic, verbal, trans woman, canon pansexual, aromantic, polyamorous, intersex, snakedeity, sotosnakian, snakegender, snakeboy, snakegirl, gorgongender, rosegender, roseboy, rosegirl, victoriangender, rosuerte, gendernoies, roseblood creature with GAD and DID who uses he/it/they/xe/vae/ey/snake/slither/venom/fang/hiss/poison/scale/python/viper/serpent/cobra/rose/blossom/petal/flower/🐍/🌹/🥀 pronouns!

Vipers adoptive daughter Junk is an autistic, nonverbal, gxrl, lesbian, canon asexual, canon aromantic, dyke, depressifem, geweldin, affectugender, depreneu, deprefem, achegender, sikgender, cavusgender, depressintensic, neurogender, trashgender girl with GAD, PTSD, depression, bulimia and chronic dizziness who uses she/it/they/he/xe/worthless/trash/ache/sick/puke/guts/🔪 pronouns!

They’re all controlled by Vilorad Craven, an autistic, verbal, boyfluid, canon unlabled, alicoromantic, godgender, genderdeity, soldiety, angelgender, wargod, wardiety, deangelus, kamigender, theosolic, godboy, obsessumix, celestigender, godbodiment, godcomplexic, theoluxic, seraphgender being with NPD, BPD, OCD, OLD, manic episodes, anger issues and a god complex who uses he/xe/thon/hymm/god/diety/divine/heavenly/seraphim/archangel/entity/ae/ve/thae/deus/numen/angelus/divinitas/caelestia/caelum/entitatem/archangelus/☀️/🌅/🖌️/🎨/🪽 pronouns and has a crush on the Player!

posted!

[randomperson0k]

the evil thoughts got me fucked up and shit

OH forgot to mention: top 2 images are the final 'redesign', 2 images below are concept sketches i made for the 'redesigns'

tgs jekyll and hyde but they got evaporated by my evil headcanon beam and stitched back together by somebody who has no experience with using a needle and thread to the point where theyre more just like a seperate character

im sorry for my sins

PLEASE HEAR ME OUT BEFORE BITING A CHUNK OUT OF MY ARM. if anybody wants to read about my evil headcanon world all the stuff is below. wasnt really exaggerating when i said i ripped their character apart and stitched them back together though.

i do have a google doc full of everything i headcanon for tgs but some of that is embarrassing as hell so im just slapping the important stuff here

most of these 'headcanons' are here more because they make me happy than to actually make any sense. as a warning.

smokes fat blunt puffs it in your face anyways uh trans henry jekyll yeah (gets shot) ty person from the j&h community i was messaging that dragged me to the dark side and introduced me to the world of embracing my j&h trans headcanons. a true angel.

i really like more book inspired takes on j&h than the musical ones soo uhh.. yeah theyre the same person fully no j&h arguing thing. im soooorrrrryyy its just my preference for adaptations and i find it a lot more fun to play with story wise. also some other reasons but i wont get into those

polyamorous and bisexual (bi because... obvious reasons. poly because of that one couple they meet up with in the comic every now and then. my favourite ... ship (i think thats the right term?) in the comic. i love them.)

gas mask because it looks cool + chemical shenanigans ("oh but those didnt exist" shh. shhhhh.")

speaking of chemicals! they are much more into science. mostly does science-y stuff when theyre hyde though. they like to break into lodgers rooms and contribute to experiments.

facial hair. thats it. no further reasoning will be given

tried making jekyll in the concept redesign of him look older. failed SO bad im sorry i know its horrible.

hyde has pointy ears + pointer teeth (and green tongue because potion goop) + slit pupils because i am incapable of designing a human hyde. i have no idea why but i just cant.

earrings because 1: i have a bad habit of giving designs earrings and 2: i remember seeing a few headcanons of j&h with earrings and they were so tasty to look at so i had to do my own

bandage scarf thing from the beta tgs hyde design + newer tgs design that only shows up in the mind... world.... thing.

added the uhhh goggles from the old design too.

red and green hat because i couldnt decide if i wanted hyde to have the red hat from the old design of tgs hyde or the green hat from the current design. ripped it in half and chose both. great decision making i know

chunks of brown hair in hydes because why not. also red ring around one eye as like a weird variant of half heterchomia.

hyde has weird patches of green colored skin idk it just looked cool when i was fiddling with colors so i kept it

hyde has red scales in certain spots of the design. no further explanation

gave hyde black gloves to contrast jekylls white gloves + cmon. hyde probably touches the most gross revolting shit with the places they go to. they deserve some gloves.

changed their body type a litttttle bit just a smudge

i was going to give jekyll a cravat around the neck (a really bad designing habit of mine is to give characters cravats. not my fault they look so cool) both as a fancy thing + to hide lack of a adams apple buuttt the design felt way too clumped so im scrapping that. ignore the cravat in the drawing. grrr bARKBAKRABK

actually does sparkle visually/not just as a non-existent visual effect and people can actually see it. lanyon always swats them away because the sparkles get in his face.

hyde is more shorter than shown in the comic, more like book hydes height. like a foot or more shorter than jekyll. jekyll stays around the same height though. hydes probably the shortest one in the society.

permanent eyebags. does not sleep but cmon we all already knew that

hyde has a strong scottish accent instead of the other accent he fakes in the comic that i always forget the name of

has a cane like the og book. its a sword cane.... yeah i have a addiction, im sorry. (like half my own personal characters have sword canes)

i suck so bad at drawing shoes so hydes shoes look like ass but theyre supposed to be big boots since this guy probably walks through yucky mucky areas and stuff

i would totally write some oneshots or something like that of these guys going on adventures doing experiments and stuff yknow . (stuff like lodgers content and interactions, lanyon and hyde interactions because i enjoy secret identity and person said secret identity personal knows outside of their secret identity interactions, that one couple i talked about before interactions with jekyll/hyde and just in general random oneshots that make no sense) if i actually had any literacy skill

anyways im done my ramble. now you guys can shoot me

[antiv3nom]

asuka ask game? pick your favorite one

ok so i do enjoy asuka guiltygear but i have been thinking REALLY hard about asuka tekken as of late so we're talking about her today

also this took me WAY too long to post i apologize but it Is out here so yaaaay

favorite thing about them:

ok so legally i have to mention asuka's tekken 8 design because motherfucker WHAT were they thinking with that one. what the fuck was the inspiration. but i love it so much i cannot lie

other than that, i really enjoy her rivalry with lili and how moderately insane that bit has gotten, and i like how they've kept her a character who is a) defensively focused in her gameplay even among the generally aggressive play of t8, and b) has a generally down-to-earth feel to her despite. Everything. happening in tekken

least favorite thing about them:

so i was actually talking to a friend about this recently and she explained my feelings really well, its like. asuka feels like the protagonist of another story that isnt being told.

it feels like she has so much stuff that COULD be a really interesting plot focus for her but it just. hasnt been? like everything between her and feng COULD be so neat but its just been sort of...by the wayside for the past few games in favor of keeping up with the mishimas (new sitcom there btw)

favorite line:

asuka's quotes are fun but most arent super noteworthy unfortunately? its mostly pretty standard fare for fighting game open and win quotes unforch :( i will say though, i do really enjoy this win line in t8 from her:

It's not good to fight all the time. Well, see ya!

bc like. girl. what do you think youre out here doing rn. girl please

(note: i dont speak japanese so i couldnt say anything towards this, but i wonder if asuka speaks with a kansai accent/dialect in game? her being from osaka and all, itd be a cool little addition)

brOTP:

omg actually ive seen stuff between leo and asuka that's been fun before i really enjoy that, iirc theyre not super close in the main canon but i wanna say in the non-canon webcomic theyre friends? i think thats right? either way its a fun concept

OTP:

asulili...uwoagh........

fellas is it gay to buy your rival's dojo and fill it entirely with roses to get their attention? certainly not. certainly.

i do wish we saw some amount more narrative tension between them since most of it has sort of dissolved by t8 but i do think theyre really cute and as mentioned before i really do enjoy their whole bit its awesome

SHOUTOUT ASULILI WEEK BTW I DONT HAVE THE TIME TO PARTICIPATE BUT I AM HYPED ABOUT ITS EXISTENCE

nOTP:

i do not think i have been around long enough to see another pairing for asuka, let alone one i dislike, so i cannot answer this question LMAO

random headcanon:

spun my mental wheel of headcanon topics and it wouldnt stop spinning for like half an hour unfortunately so im just telling you that i think asuka would play baiken or may in strive

unpopular opinion:

i still havent been here long enough to know whats unpopular regarding her :,) although i think in terms of gameplay i think she's cooler than most people believe, though i do agree that her current iteraiton in t8 isnt very strong within the meta unforch :(

song i associate with them:

i can nigh on guarantee that it's because ive been listening to this song while thinking about her really hard recently but absolute zero by natori (banger btw go watch the music video it goes unbelievably hard), i think the lyrics arent entirely unfitting though!!!

favorite picture of them:

i really like this profile art option for her, the posing is fun and the textures on the clothing are really impressive

and then also i have to mention her preset 3 outfit which i LOVE SO SO MUCH

(apologies as i cant find a better example pic and do not feel like opening t8 at 2 in the morning on this day)

[notesfortherapy]

A few years a go a group of friends did something really shitty. When I called them out, some of them apologised, one of them snapped at me, suggesting I'd done something to hurt them, and then pretended to be friends with me in public, but ignored me in private.

I reached out multiple times. Every time I raised what was happening with other friends, they made excuses. No-one could/would tell me what I'd done wrong. They just kept telling me she was probably busy and not doing very well (this was post lockdown but still vaguely pandemic times).

Months became years. Excuses became "its water under the bridge now". This friend still refused to talk to me.

I thought I'd mostly come to terms until recently I talked to her partner (he was my friend first, I introed them, we're strictly platonic) and I mentioned how I couldnt talk to anyone else from that group anymore, because I was censoring everything, and so were they.

And as I was exlaining I felt white hot anger flood me, like it was all happening, all over again.

The fact is I cant "come to terms" until I forgive her. That means letting go, finding an understanding, allowing room for her to be a real human in my head, not just the villain in the story I tell myself.

Some of you may be thinking "that seems like a lot of time and energy for someone who doesnt give a shit about you". But I've expended a lot more energy on being angry over the last 3 years. Energy that I didnt have to give in the midst of everything else.

So I dont know how to forgive her, or the rest of the group, but Im going to try every day. For me.

[kinki-cami]

Nah sonic final boss music got me feeling like super sonic/team super sonic and super shadow could beat the shit out of the affini

I mean da faq they gunna do against chaos control, both sonic and shadow can do it (see sonic 06) and sonic already killed a fucking giant spaceship oh AND A BEING WHO LITERALLY EATED TIME and Sonic Robot Cthulu God (metal overlord)

Oh i almost forgot: chaos god too (Perfect Chaos) speaking of all of those bosses cpuld probably defeat the affini too (except maybe The End) i mean Neo Metal: shapeshift to hide as an affini, then Assimilate their ship into your form as metal overlord, Time Eater Eated time, need i say more (and is also mostly clockwork and phantasm so theres not really programming to corrupt) and giant Antideluvian Chaos God who literally created the term 'antideluvian' and is made purely of water: unless they have a death star, they aint killing perfect Chaos

Im sorry Open yoyr heart got stuck in my head and it got me thinkin

No inwont tag this bc this was simply me being autistic and i will be heavily embarrassed if anyone actually finds and reads this, oh and no tags means not even "my post" tags

I swear if you read this far just kill me stg (this is a joke) but hey umm that means your in the less than 1% who like me ranting for no reason interesting so umm yeah, havent had that happen, mostly due to people irl not liking me too much and not having a way to deal with my depression, hey you know what since you did heres a secret: i tried to off myself once, i failed tho uhh and my brains favorite dissociation technique is being so hyperaware of the situation it hurts, ive only dissociated properly once and that was when i made popcorn and just wanted some for myself but mother wanted some and i was already depressed and i didnt wanna go througb the effort of using thebpopcorn machine so i wanted to make it on the stove but because mother said the stove popcorn was gross and i HAD to make it i had to use the popcorn machine and i just sorta... broke like everything went numb and i couldnt feel amd everything felt so distant the worst part was i had a "therapist" (doctors were saying i hate eating when that was a lie so they had me in this therapy to try to get me tl eat more or something but she, i dont think gave a shit bc she was apparently getting paid minimum wage) and when i told her abojt it, mind you last time i said ibwas read a philosophy book, i told her yeah the other day nothing felt real, and she responded with, ah you doing some more philosophy again nice, and yeah so fuck that uhh no one will ever read this lmfao soo yeah uhh cheers peoples in my head

[uglypastels]

So i went to a wedding this weekend

And it fucked me up.

It was so beautiful and so fun to see my family and to see them happy. It was kind of a theme how we're all getting older. Like, my great uncle was shocked to see me taking shots haha, but also like, the bride was my second cousin (idk the terms exactly, but its that kind of connection) and she was like the baby of that side of the family (also one of my favorite people in the whole world) and here she was getting marries and looking so beautiful and happy with her groom. Like, seriously, watching her and him felt like a fucking movie. And her sister just had a baby and its the cutest little munchkin ever. I hadnt seen either of them in ages and finally got to meet both their partners and during the entire wedding i was surrounded by my parents, my uncle and aunt and all these people loving each other with families of their own and for the first time i actually thought like fuck this does actually look kind of nice. Like, i would like to have something like that. And like during some of the quieter bits i started lile thinking of my own little hypothetical wedding.

But at the same time, we had all been so close and used to constantly see each other but then people moved away and this had been the first time in six years that i saw most of my family. Last time since another previous wedding (my grandma's actually. Her second one and she and her husband are just the perfect pensioner couple, just vibing and traveling the world). So its become that kind of thing and so obviously people started joking "oh guess we'll see each other next time at your wedding hahah" meaning me. And my mind immediately went to, so we'll never see each other again because whenthefuck could it happen? I've never been in an actual relationship, coming closest to obsessing over celebrities/fictional characters or getting too attached to some random guys i stumble into online who either live too far away to make anything work or turn out to be fucking assholes, or just both - mostly because i have never felt that i could find anything real in my life... but then again i've never made an effort, did i?

And not even just romantically... like, i was looking around at the wedding and there were so many people there. Of course mostly family from both sides of the happy couple, but also friends and i just couldnt stop thinking how, if i were to make a guest list, i wouldnt have anyone to put on it. Maybe 3-5 froends and even those  friends might be a stretch since we dont even keep in contact often so would they would care to come to my wedding (i am getting so fucking pathetically dumb here but im spiralling so let me rant assdfggsjsjksld)

Like, there were a lot of people invited here that the bride and groom knew from university... and im in my second (out of 3) year rn and i would not want anyone from this time at my wedding. At least, theres, no one who i am close enough to, to think Yeah they should deffinotely be there ony special day. I absolutely blame myself from this distancing away from everything but then i did have three potential great uni friends last year and then they fucking backstabbed me and i cant be in a room with them without wanting to cry so thats a fucking great experience. And i tried spending this year finding new friends but 1) i'm too afraid to innitiate any kind of conversation 2) i am horrible at talking to people wether i know them or not - even my own family. I literally kill the conversation bc i dont know what to say to them 3) i get too self conscious and immediately get the feeling they hate me 4) i am uncomfortable with making plans so will never have opportunities to like strengthen any kind of relationship outside of said class. -> this then also leads to the mlst uneventful student live ever.

But in the end, this is all such fucking bushit. On the rational level because i know i am only 21 and i have a whole life ahead of me and i dont know what will and could happen. But however logical that is, it doesnt matter because nothing would work since i have horrible commitment issues, no healthy references of relationships that could help me form any sort of mental support or idea on how to do anything. I have no personal confidence or belief i could find someone, and have no care for myself so how would i know how to care for someone else, especially with my horrible lack of understanding other people or social... anything.

That then also ties into having kids. Like yeah, happy family and all that (of course i know that baby does not equal the only solution to happiness etc.) But i do not think my body would be able to handle it and i doubt i would be able to take care of another whole human being that depends on it.

So yeah, i'm a fucking train wreck.

Its 1 am and im crying in bed writing this giant hugely personal venting speech out and i dont even know if i should post it bc on one side it might make me a bit better to let it out there in the world, but then i also dont need the whole world to see it

[blyszczopies]

i talked about this with a friend recently and we both feel like... its almost impossible to make online friends now? like we used to have lots of online friends, like when i was in elementary and middle school i had more online friends than irl friends. and the friend i talked about it with is literally one of the two of my only online friend i have rn. we have known each other for like 10 years now. we were like 11 when we started talking on fucking deviantart

and i have to admit that when i was around 17 years old (not that far ago lmao) i assumed that i no longer can make friends online because i was extremely insecure about everything at the time and that it was the reason i couldnt make friends online. but now that im much more confident in myself... making new online friends still feels extremely difficult. even if i have been mutuals with someone for years if i tried to DM them it would feel like coming up to a stranger. yes i have known u for some time no we have never really talked.

at this point idk if its just my preference for hanging out offline because u can just chill in the same room which feels like socializing, which i find difficult if not impossible to achieve online. or maybe now with social media being mostly dominated by interacting through likes and resharing already existing posts... u dont really communicate much. this is nothing compared to how people would leave genuine nice comments under deviantions. this is nothing compared to talking to people on forums where you could only interact through comments.

man idk if im making sense but i do wonder if thats an universal experience. maybe im just old in terms of not catching up on how the internet operates now, maybe im just too nostalgic. perhaps i just need to try harder or something because yes i myself dont talk much on the internet and mostly only like and reblog stuff

[limelocked]

some backstory: basically look at this post then work on the assumption that phil is like Ancient/ages slower than humans/players

phil meets babyblade for the first time (brought to you largely unedited from discord messages)

---

thinking about phil being a traveller, walking or flying from town to town trying to find the new place to stay for like 100 years as a cryptid, passing thought a town, well developed with electrical streetlights not yet too common for testificates or players. The day pass slowly into night and with an unwillingness to take into an inn he settles to finding a cave or tree to camp in.

Techno is at that point perhaps half Phils height but still built shockingly strong for a child and he knows well not to disturb armed people sleeping in the woods. The dew clings to his hooves and fur as he inspects the man sleeping among the leaves and his wings. Phil is already awake, watching back from under the shade of his hat, seeing this upright, scar covered, piglet inspect him. Phil slowly moves as if he's just woken up and techno scampers away

phil knows about pigmen, hes never seen one of course but he's heard plenty about them. Theres villager texts with myths about them and its generally accepted that they're the cause of ruined structures though different cultures seem to disagree on if they caused the ruin or caused the building now in disrepair. He asks in town about pigmen but they only talk about what a pest the zombie pigmen and piglins that come through the resident portal are, the undertone of hate matching that of those that theorize towards the more... evil side of the pigmen. 

 They have heard nothing about any pigmen in the area, for all the town knows, and for all that most people know. They dont exist and they might never have

So he goes back to the forest and "accidentally" leaves some food and trinkets at the food of the tree, barely getting any sleep as he waits for the little creature to arrive. And he does. And with caution the piglet studies the food and items for a while, freezing with every movment of the wind through phils great folded wings. Techno takes some of the food, not all of it, and none of the items even though a cheap dagger seemed to make him hesitate on that choice

It goes on for a few nights, phil sleeping through most of them but knowing who it was that took the gifts and left the little napkin neatly still covering what he didnt take and who he found one morning returning with a handful of berries as a return gift. Phils back fucking hurt sleeping in the tree but he'd gotten invested now so what're you gonna do yknow?

Its noon after a week and a day and phil is half nocturnal because of this little thing coming to take and give like trade under his tree. He's almost falling asleep when bushes move and he's back on (exhausted) high alert. He doesnt move. Under him theres no napkin or items or food this time, he just needed a nap, but that doesnt bother the pink spot down on the ground from moving closer and inspecting the spot.  He's disappointed but returns shortly after with more berries and a messy leg of lamb. He thinks, as phil will never find out, that he's stolen everything this stranger has in terms of food so he has to give back some that he's gotten himself right? its only polite? 

"did you get the lamb by yourself?" to say that techno jumped out of his skin would be an underestimation. 

He didnt freeze but instead, just as cautiously as he seemed to do everything, hunched down into a fighters stance knowing well that the man with wings above him could easily catch him "dont worry mate" phils tone became softer, testing the bounderies of this child "-im not going to hurt you if that's what youre worried about"

he didnt change positions other than to look up slowly to.... g- glare? was this little pig kid GLARING at him?! what was that gonna do?? who would be intimidated by this adorable little fuck?!?! Phil would admit it every time anything even remotely related came up later that he laughed, i mean who wouldnt? hed liken it to a puppy glaring you down and how could that be taken seriously its just cute if anything 

techno, covered in scars of battles both with people and with nature, looked at this winged man in almost disbelief. phil, the nicknamed angel of death who seemingly could never die himself, was almost falling off the branch he'd been using as a bed for a week clutching his stomach as he laughed.

"what?!" the impatient, small, voice piped up after a few seconds "whats so funny!?" the seriousness both stopped phil in his tracks and Didnt Help At All. the tone was serious and.. desperate. it caught him off guard and finally his balance fails and he falls, unfurling his wings to catch himself and kicking up leaves and dust from the ground before his adorable little thief 

 "you're a piglet, you couldnt beat me up so stop looking like it" this was the closest the two had ever been, still a few meters apart but it was apparent that techno had only just realized just how Tall phil was compared to him, and how imposing his wings were when stretched to their full width

"heehh i could totally kill you" fake it til you make it, a strategy that had won him many battles before and it had only failed him.... a few times....  "oh could you?" while techno sounded cocky and serious phil was playful and in the ears of this kid, taunting  "mm.. ya" but phil didnt fail to notice how easily a child had threatened murder

-

A month can go quick and a conversation can go slow. A festival had been set up in the time that it took the two to finish their talk under the tree, or so techno would have you believe. There had been three weeks of food being left by both parties and playful banter countered by genuine threats becoming less so by the meeting. Phil had gifted techno, who'd in exchange given his name, the dagger he'd looked at that first night. The exchange was there sure but phil had also had to joke about techno not being able to kill him with bare hoof hand things, he'd need, yknow, a weapon

They sat then, that meeting in the woods a month after their first encounter, sharing food in relative silence. "-and you dont have any parents im guessing or else you'd not be hanging out with this stranger" phil said absentmindedly, a retort to his own lack of family

"fuck off"

stunned. he looked at techno shocked not only at the swear but at the nerve he'd apparently struck, "sorry mate- didnt mean.." he trailed off, studying the pigs reaction but there was none, he'd just kept eating... he watched for a moment more before debating taking another bite of his own food but, no, no he could be stupid "that means you can travel more though right?" a recovery, but only a stepping stone

"mm, guess so yeah" bait effective

"have you been to to the north much?" "... nah.. mostly around here and west" there was a long pause before the eventual "i think" that phil had come to expect at this point, though this time it wasnt accompanied by an equally unsure "im pretty sure"

"well im leaving town, could come with me?"

[peachiikawa]

Caged Bird | Prince!Oikawa Tooru x Reader

a/n: if you know anything about fairytales then you might realize that the reader has the flute of the pied piper, though modified for the story. been watching a lot of once upon a time and got the idea from the neverland arc. hope you enjoy!

word count: 1.9k

genre: fantasy, romance

trigger warnings: reader gets hurt a bit but nothing graphic

summary: oikawa has always lived a lonesome life in the cage that is his castle. one day he sneaks out and a beautiful melody leads him to you, a traveling musician. oikawa is about to find out that his luck is going to change for the better.

oikawa gazed out over the town from his balcony

he let out a long sigh as he grew bored from his studies

“why the long face trashykawa?”

his bestfriend and knight walked up next to him and leaned against the railing

“oh you know, just bored of being in this castle. theres a whole town of people out there and im stuck in here. gets tiring after a while”

iwaizumi listened to his friend and nodded along to what he was saying

“then sneak out for a day”

oikawas eyes widened

“youd help me sneak out?”

“only if you come back by sundown”

so oikawa grabbed his cloak and thanks to iwas help got out of the castle

despite being born and raised in this town oikawa had no idea where he was

and after about ten minutes he was completely and utterly lost

until he heard the faint sound of a flute

he followed the sound until he ended up in the mostly cleared out town square where he saw you playing a small wooden flute for those who were present, though you had no audience

everyone walked past you as if you were invisible like you werent playing such a beautiful song

he approached you slowly and listened until you finished your performance

“that was really good”

you looked up at him and smiled

“always a pleasure to play for those who need it”

the bright smile on your face felt warm and inviting

like he was meant to be here

“would you like to take a seat next to me?”

you gestured to the spot next to you and he gladly took it

“so...whats your story”

hes hesitant to answer your question

“ill tell you mine if you tell me yours”

you set your flute down in your bag next to you

“well first of all my names y/n and my life is nothing too interesting. im a traveling performer and play my flute as a way to pass time and help those who need it. always come across the most interesting people this way”

traveling. thats something oikawa could only dream of

“so cmon now tell me about you”

he peaked at you through his hood

“ok but dont make a big commotion..im oikawa tooru”

you laughed a bit

“thats funny you share the same name as the prince”

you stopped laughing when you saw the serious look in his eyes

“oh..oh! im so sorry for being so rude!”

you started to scramble around when he grabbed your wrists to stop your movements

“shh yes im the prince but stop flailing people are starting to look”

once you had calmed down he went on

“ive been confined to my castle my whole life and stuck to certain rules i have to follow. it seems like even if i catch a break something else comes along. i have to stay this perfect image because im the prince and it just gets so lonely. its as if im a bird trapped in a cage and theres no way out”

ah so there it is

the reason he could hear your flute

you picked a flower that was growing next to you and placed it in his hair as you spoke

“im sorry your lifes been like that but oikawa, if i may be so bold, even a caged bird will become wise enough to break free. the dream of flying is too great to resist”

Once you had properly placed the flower you smiled at him before standing up from your spot and grabbing your bag

you then held your hand out to him

but he couldnt gather his thoughts

you were so bright it was almost blinding

“now cmon! lets go have some fun!”

he looked at the hand held out to him

and with a leap of faith, he took it

he was going to get out of this cage, this perpetual cycle

and finally add some meaning to his life

day after day you two spent your time together

oikawas days that were once filled with hollow words and empty actions were now filled with happiness

filled with you

and everyday slowly but surely he was falling for you

passing glances turned into prolonged gazes

his heart could no longer stay still around you

you became the key to his happiness

but for now...he had to be content with just being next to you

it would be too selfish otherwise

to ask you to stay with him here in the kingdom...he could never trap you like that

“so what are we doing today y/n?”

you were strolling through the town on a quiet sunday afternoon like you had the last few sundays

“how about we go to the bakery? theyre usually busy but since its sunday i bet its not as packed and then i want to take you somewhere”

he was curious as to what you had in store but decided against asking questions

so you two got some baked goods and headed out towards the woods

“cmon we’re almost there”

you pushed some branches and shrubs out of the way

and one eventually hit him in the face

“watch it y/n! i keep getting wacked by you”

you just chuckled a bit which oikawa had found adorable in itself

it made his heart slow just hearing it

“just come on!”

eventually you two made it to a clearing over a beautiful lake

he didnt know that there was something like this so close by

he was absolutely amazed by it

“take a seat oikawa! we can rest and eat here!”

this moment was just too perfect to him

with you here he felt as if nothing bad could happen

that if he only could see your smile everything would be alright

being content with just being at your side...was no longer and option

he knew that if he wanted this he needed to take his chance

“y/n”

your eyes were full of life and he couldnt help but feel so happy next to you

and before he knew it he was closing the gap between the two of you with a hand gently cradling your cheek

but right before you two could kiss you were ripped away from him

“dont you dare touch the prince commoner!”

oikawa frantically looked around as many of his guards came out of the brush

“get your hands off of them!”

you were pressed to the ground and the sight almost broke his heart

“sorry your highness but we’re under strict orders to bring you back and throw whoever was seducing you to leave the castle into the dungeon”

the guard that had been on you lifted you up like you were a sack and bound you by rope

you gave oikawa a final smile before you were taken away even though you were so banged up that it made him want to puke

he was speechless

this is what he was talking about

being so controlled and monitored made him feel so small and helpless

and he absolutely abhorred it

“your highness your mother is waiting for you in the throne room”

oikawa was beyond upset

this isnt how he wants to live

“mother how could you throw the only good thing in my life away!”

his mother sneered at his words

“only good thing? what need to you have for that filthy peasant! and how dare you cast me aside as if i hadnt given you everything you own, everything you are is because of me! i will not allow for any of this nonsense! now go wash up. and dont you dare ever leave the castle again and i forbid you from seeing that nasty peasant again. wasting your time with such a person...”

he gritted his teeth and was about turn to leave

his emotions were running too high

he wasnt himself and he knew it

but even so...he wont allow it to end like this

he was going to end it on his terms

“no”

“what did you say?”

he stood his ground

“i said no mother. im going to live the way i want and with who i want. ill gladly give up my title because frankly, i never wanted it in the first place. and dont you ever call y/n filthy or nasty again. their so incredibly kind and full of joy and laughter. i can only hope to be like that one day. so ive decided that im leaving. with y/n.”

as soon as the doors shut behind him he let out the breath he didnt even know he was holding

but it also felt as if there was a giant weight off of him now

“im coming y/n dont you worry”

it had been a couple hours since you were brought to your cell

you didnt have any major injuries, just a few cuts and scratches from when you were body slammed to the ground

“do you mind if i play?”

you pulled out your flute and the guard nodded

“thank you!”

you started playing and filled the cell you were in with a relaxing tune

“why do you play if it doesnt make noise?”

you stopped and looked at the spiky haired man who stood outside your cell

“it takes a certain person to appreciate its music”

he just looked at you as if you were crazy

but you continued anyways

until you heard frantic running coming from down the hall

“iwa you gotta let them out”

oikawa was panting trying to catch his breath

“dude no offense but your mom would kill me and you if i just let them out”

oikawa grabbed the key from iwaizumis waist before he even realized what had happened

“dont worry about it iwa. and dont worry about me. today i start my new life. it was good knowing you buddy”

they gripped hands the way they always had. A solemn but knowing look was shared between them

“if i had known me letting you leave the castle one time would lead to this...i would have done it a lot sooner. good luck out there bud”

oikawa quickly turned to you and helped you off of the ground

“you ready to run?”

he cupped your cheek and ran his thumb over one of the small cuts

hed be sure to treat that later

you nodded and leaned into his hand

“are you sure this is what you want?”

you were happy to leave with him

its more than you could ever ask for

“y/n youre the only person thats made me feel free. and by doing this i will be.”

you two finally got to share the kiss you had been deprived of and not only was it full of love but also full of hope for your future

“then lets go”

and you two sprinted off to your next adventure together

the flute you possessed was one he could no longer hear the sound of after that day

for it was enchanted, only to be be heard by those who were lost and lonely

with you he was neither anymore

and he couldnt be any happier than living out the rest of his days with you as a free man, a bird outside of its cage

[bridgyrose]

Ladybug Bumbleby angst

Only Yang fell and the rest escaped. Yang is in Not-Wonderland for a year while the team mourns her.

Yang eventually escapes, ready to tell Blake she loved her. But ruby and yang had begun a relationship while they thought she was dead

(Since I had something similar going... a continuation of this post)

“What do you mean you thought I was dead?!” Yang practically growled at her sister after stumbling across the memorial. “Did you even think to look for me?” 

“We tried! But everywhere we could think of left us to a dead end!” Ruby sighed, trying to calm herself a bit. “Ambrosius wasnt much help in trying to tell us where falling would take you. Just… that you were gone. And we still dont have the lamp and even if we did, its not like Jinn would be able to answer any of our questions.” 

Yang’s anger started to subside a bit, realizing how unfair she was being to her sister. “I… right… you guys were sorta put against a rock…” 

“And we still had our mission to finish. Still have our mission to complete. The Atlas and Mantle citizens are mostly settled but there are still… issues. We’ve been lucky that Salem hasnt shown up here yet. We’ve gotten… busy. I’m sorry we couldnt devote more time to trying to find you, but we needed things to settle before we could.” 

Yang nodded and sat down, starting to feel guilty. “Sorry, I just… when I heard about the memorial service and saw the statue, it made me feel like you had all given up.” 

“We’d never give up on you Yang.” Ruby smiled a bit at her sister, immediately pulling her into a hug. “But part of us knew it was easier to honor you like this in case you really were dead.” 

Yang gently hugged Ruby back, smiling a bit. “I get it. I really do. I’m sorry I was angry.” 

“You had every right to be.” 

Yang slowly pulled away from Ruby, taking a few deep breaths as she looked around the apartment. She was a bit surprised on how much it looked like their home from Patch, giving a nice, welcome feeling to anyone who stepped through the door. “You know, your place almost reminds me of dad’s. Just missing Zwei running around.” 

Ruby smiled a bit. “What can I say? I got a little homesick and having the place look like this reminded me of you.” 

Yang nodded and got up. “So, I guess I should figure out where I’m going to stay. You wouldnt happen to know where Blake’s staying at, would you? I… I have something I need to tell her.” 

“Right… about that-” 

Just before Ruby could finish her thought, Blake walked into the apartment, freezing when she saw Yang. “Yang? Is… is that really you?” 

Yang smiled a bit and walked over to Blake, pulling her into a hug. “Yes, it’s me. I’ve missed you so much.” 

Blake smiled softly and hugged Yang back. “I… I cant believe you’re still alive. We all assumed the worst when we couldnt find you after you fell.” 

“Well, I’m back.” Yang pulled away for a moment, smiling at Blake. “And… I have something  I need to tell you. Something I should’ve told you a long time ago.” 

“And… what’s that?” 

“I love you Blake. I loved you ever since we first met.” 

Blake’s smile slowly turned into a grimace as she looked towards Ruby. “You… havent told her yet, have you?” 

“I was getting there, you just… came home a bit earlier than expected.” Ruby sighed and sat down. “Can we… discuss this later? Let’s all celebrate Yang-” 

Yang slowly turned to her sister, worry in her eyes. “Ruby? What havent you told me?” 

Ruby started rubbing the back of her head nervously, fidgeting with her ponytail. “W-well… you see… Blake and I are… dating.” 

“Dating?” 

Blake walked over to Ruby, sitting down next to her. “Yang, you were gone for months. We started looking for you and… there came to be a point where we thought you were really gone. Ruby was there to comfort me and one thing led to another…” 

Yang felt her heart snap in two as she listened, taking a few deep breaths. “Right…” 

Ruby sighed and looked away from Yang. “I’m sorry Yang. I… I wanted to tell you but wasnt entirely sure how to bring it up.” 

“No, I get it. I’m gone for almost a year and you have all moved on with your lives.” 

“It’s not like that-” 

“Well that’s how it feels.” Yang turned to start walking out of the apartment. “I’ll find somewhere to stay for now. And I’ll… I’ll help you all when you need it.” 

Ruby sighed as she watched Yang walk off, slumping into the couch. “She’s been back for all of five minutes and it feels like I’ve stabbed her in the back.” 

Blake cuddled into Ruby, holding her close. “She’ll come to terms with it. It’ll take her a bit of time, but she will. She’s your sister, she wont stay mad at you forever.” 

“I know. I’m still just… worried.” 

Yang slowly closed the door behind her and started walking around the city, looking for anywhere that still had rooms. Even now as she looked around Vacuo, everything looked foreign from coming to visit with her dad. For once, she felt completely lost in the world, feeling like she didnt belong. Having fallen through the world, now a complete stranger. 

“Hey, you're the girl who died defending Atlas, arent you?” 

Yang stopped and looked behind her, seeing a woman with red hair and a chain link top smirking at her. “Not so much dead, am I?” 

“No, you’re not. But, maybe you could help me out with something. You look a bit down on your luck and could use a bit of extra lien, right? Maybe a place to stay?” 

“I dont have time-” 

The woman used her semblance to create a small dust devil to block Yang’s path. “I’m not sure I made this clear. I have a job for you that will give you money and a place to stay.” 

Yang sighed for a moment, figuring she might as well hear the woman out. “And… what is this job?” 

“Just a favor I owe someone. A little dangerous, protecting some cargo from some grimm. Nothing you couldnt handle.” 

“Alright, I’m in.” 

The woman smiled a bit and started walking off. “Follow me then. The name’s Carmine.” 

Yang kept an eye on the woman, following close behind. “Yang.” 

“It’s a pleasure to meet you.” 

[huntsman-ash]

Headcanon: Pacifica

(Before Sinday begins for me, I give you where Ash and Team CAMO are currently based out of).

Every continent on Remnant has islands off its coasts. Sheered off by water action, by cataclysmic incidents with the tectonics, or simply having formed seperatly, they dot the coastlines of most of Remnant's landmasses.

Solitas is no different. And because its Solitas, and the majority of it is a frozen hellscape, almost every single one has at least some habitation.

One has...quite a lot.

(Please excuse the WoR map, I couldnt find a proper official one and RT are jerks and wont make one that actually works)

This is the island of Pacifica, the largest island in the south-west of Solitas, directly west of Atlas itself and the closest settlement to the small port of Cross's Landing.

Though here it is one single, large island, it is in fact a psudo-chain; the large island of Pacifica, the smaller northerly island of Wakattu, and the uninhabited, cloud-shrouded isle of Peliu.

Though they are the closest island to Atlas, the people who live there are not actually Atlesian, in bloodline or in government. They come from much older stock, a remnant if you will of a forgotten age.

Originally a mostly bare island, with a minor native population of marine faunus (primarily orcas) originating from nearby Wakattu, Pacifica was first founded during the Great War, when (being the closest island to Sanus, which is almost directly south of it via Vytal) it was utilized as an arms and embarkation base alongside Cross's Landing to load the invasion force that would eventually steamroll through northern Vale. As the decade of the Great War rolled on, a city formed to support the base, and to allow for the production, repair, enhancement and resupply of military goods of every sort. As it became more and more important, and more equipment flowed into it, its military asset grew as well. And as the war ground on, Mantle began to fear a counter attack from Vytal into it, and from there, a stepping stone to Solitas itself.

And so they set about building Pacifica into an unbreakable Iron Cage; delving to the shallow sea floor, they raised great walls, thicker even than the ones that would later defend Mantle itself, bristling with Dust shield projectors and defensive batteries. The island itself was enforced with gun batteries, missile systems, aircraft launch systems, air strips, and dockyards for the entire Mantle Navy. A full Army was stationed there at all times, usually new recruits cutting their teeth in combat against raiding parties from Vale or the Grimm that seemed to constantly be attracted to Peliu. The populous was slowly consumed into this, making the island a military nation-state with the explicet purpose of brunting every and all aggression from Vale to Mantle.

And then the Great War ended in Vacuo. Everything stopped. Peace filled the world and everyone was happy.

Except for Pacifica. They weren't particularly happy about what had happened...and they liked the power they had now. No longer were they merely a small outpost of something greater, they had TEETH now.

No pirate or bandit thought to approach them for they new the agonizingly fast death that would result. Aside from Peliu, the Grimm were no threat. Even the Wakattu, who at first had been hesitant to have so much equipment, so close, were grateful to have Pacifica's guns around when the largest of aquatic Grimm inevitably swam to their islands shores, seeking the creature that the people and the island itself were named for, as they had done for time immortal.

So when Mantle offered to take all their equipment back and restore the island to what it was before, the Pacifican Preatorian Defender (their equivilent of a king, or headmaster, or ruler) promptly told them, in no uncertain terms, to "fuck right off". Then Pacifica raised their sheilds, rolled out their guns, and stood on alert for anyone trying to come and take their power by force.

No one did of course. The time after the Great War was one of rebuilding. Mantle simply left Pacifica to do its own thing and 80 years of peace did the rest. Pacifica eventually became a productive member of the King of Vale's imagined peaceful Remnant.

Currently the nation is considered an island-state, with no official affiliation to any kingdom, but heavy trade ties to Atlas specifically (for obvious reasons). Their main imports are technology and Dust, unsurprisingly, with their main exports being aquatic food of all kinds, certain medicines Atlas can't make themselves, and enhancements to existing tech using some of the machinery that Mantle left behind. They also mildly trade with Vale for produce.

At least, that was the situation till the Fall of Vale...and, more recently, the Fall of Atlas.

During the Second Fall, Pacifica went into full military mode again; members of the Pacifica Guard swear up and down the Leviathan Grimm was approaching Pacifica itself, saw how many guns it had pointed at it and the swarm of interceptor fighters and the men and women in armor standing ready to face it...and it turned for Atlas because it would be a softer target.

When the CCTS went down fully, the island effectively went dark, relying on its internal equipment to maintain coms between units and citizens, unable to contact the outside world.

Needless to say, it was a rather nasty shock when, about a day into the siege of Atlas, an airship arrived.

Formerly an SDC Dust carrier, retrofitted into a heavily militarized "pleasure boat", this was the Final Solution, the personal vessel of Tahoma Vulcan of Vulcan Arms. On board was almost every Vulcan Arms employee, several dozen Mantle civilians who'd been swept up, every surviving Atlas "Helljumper" lead by their leader Hood Vulcan, the majority of the ladies of Madam Pappillion's Crystal Unicorn hotel (formerly the Glass Unicorn) alongside the Madam herself...

And Hunter-Killer Fireteam CAMO.

The uproar was quite something, but quickly settled down to military precision, as those that could fight were quickly and seamlessly folded into Pacifica's existing defensive measures.

The Madam and her ladies bid their leave here to settle on Wakattu, reuniting the Madam with her former bodyguard and head of security, Matriarch (head of the Wakattu tribe and its various pods) and the civilians were dispersed into the overall population to rest and recover.

And then literally half a day later, the shattered, battered remains of Atlas's Second Fleet arrived, First having headed south for Argus.

They told a horror story of what happened, of the destruction of the Whale by the Ace Ops, of Ironwoods sudden madness, and how, based on what they'd last seen, the kingdom was GONE, crashed into the tundra, burying Mantle with it.

With precision their forces were folded in as well, forming the First United Solitasian Protectorate Fleet.

And at some point during this, the 2500 meter long monstrosity known as the Spirit of Ice arrived...

And THEN, as if that wasn't enough, a couple dozen scrap-built ships came rolling in from the west, from the seemingly uninhabited dragon continent, all bearing the Grimm Eye of Salem.

Cultists, apparently, humans twisted to her worship or something similar. Madmen and savages to an individual...but in no way, shape, or form even near combat ready.

The USPF SLAUGHTERED them. The vindictive feeling soothed the rage of the Atlesians, and united them all in a common goal. A pact formed in blood of the unworthy, as the Lord Preatorian said.

As of now, Pacifica is the most defended settlement in the north of Remnant. And as of recently, they've finally begun opening the shield again to let teams out, to begin probing the tundra, the Atlas Wastes, and the new lake that covers both kingdoms...

And to let the Hunter-Killer team that shelters among them do their job once more.

[thenervousmedic]

I had a minecraft dream last night...

This is going to be a long post, but bear eith me, and take the time to read it.

I don't dream about minecraft very often. In fact this might be a first. I'm still in bed while writing this, as im afraid if I wait I'll lose a bunch of the memories.

It involved myself and a few members of the Dream SMP getting sucked into MC. Ironic, I know. Dream, George, Badboyhalo, Tecnoblade, Wilbur Soot, Tommyinnit, and myself. We all looked like our avatars... mostly, and even had some special skills i'll get into later.

To be clear, they were as they are in real life in terms of personality.

I've not watched the dream smp yet... maybe I should start soon. Anyway, side tracked...

The world worked differently than normal MC. It was more realistic, especially the combat and movement. Anything you can do irl you can do here. The drawback was that it made everything harder and more exhausting.

I was dragged in a month before the others, where over the next four weeks, I'd figure out how the lives system works; how difficult movement was; that crafting was nearly the same as normal mc; and how to build.

Five lives. There was a little tracker on the back of your hand, five squares for five lives. Each life you lost, a square would disappear. But it wasnt that simple. Every tine you died you'd feel the affects of the world more. Eating took longer, everything cost more and more realistic amounts of effort, and most importantly... taking damage would actually hurt.

On your first life damage was less of a danger and more of a 'stat' to just be aware of. Getting attacked, shot, exploded next to, ect wasn't too bad. But the more you died the more these things started to get scary. Arrows would tear their way in and ve painful to remove. You'd bleed and have actual wounds that needed care.

By the time the smp members were spawning in, I'd already been reduced to my last life. I was never good at minecraft, though im alright irl with a bow it didnt help much.

You spawn in unconcious. I'd lost my first life that way. I spawned above water. A painless drowning. I hadn't gone back to the ocean since, it scared the fuck out of me.

The first to arrive was Techno. I went back to spawn for the good sheep spawns there. Found him asleep in the grass. He was lucky no creepers had spawned.

Nearly everyone was bigger than me, I'm pretty small, so hauling this guys limp piglin ass all the way to my little safety shack was really hard.

Then Dream and George one after another. Badboy. Tommy... and finally Wilbur.

Wilbur was... a special case. He was a ghost. Just like his ghostbur skin had been. Fully awake, really freaking out. I was near collapsing from taking everyone else to my home, wasnt really much of a comfort, but I at least managed to convince him to come with me after the sun started to dip.

When we got back Wilbur helped me make beds. Couldn't have everyone sleeping propped up against the walls... Wilbur couldn't grab anything, but he could open and close chests. He also found out he could manafest things like his guitar, and a plushie orca. Things that made him a little less anxious. It was nice to hear music again.

I didnt get to talk to him long. We finished the beds, put everyone on one, then I immediatly konked the fuck out over the crafting table.

By the time I woke up, everyone was already awake and talking. The typical suspects. Why are we here, how, what happened, is this even real. You get the picture. I guess usually social anxiety, especially in the presence of people I admire so much, would've been a big stressor but after a month alone in this world I damn near started bawling at the thought of someone else even existing.

I told them all I know. We are stuck here, we have lives, dont fucking lose them it makes the game harder. The physics are just as janky as regular minecraft, mobs are much more articulated, armour actually has weight and at this point I wasnt aware of the little buffs everyone had to a particular skill.

Dream was incredibly good at exploiting the game's wonky system and parkouring, even of he couldnt nessesarily do it irl.

Techno was suddenly extremely knowledgeable about combat and could handle most weapons effectively. He was also a piglin-type guy which made him immune to fire.

George's coding skills translated directly into redstone knowledge, letting him build ridiculous machines with enough respources.

Tommy had incredible luck with loot and generally got good enchants.

And Bad was, thanks to his skin, some form of demonic entity and would be completely ignored by most hostile mobs.

Wilbur, as you know, was a ghost who could phase through anything and summon ghostly items.

We didn't find out everyone's special trait immediatly, of course. It happened over many days of trail and error trying to collect resources, build, and have fun.

Turns out my skill was useless by myself, hence why I never found it before they arrived. Anything I gave to another person was twice as effective. Healing items helped more, food would fill them on smaller portions, armour would get a free temporary enchant depending on what they needed.

I'd never liked playing minecraft alone.

I'm losing some of the dream, I shoukd wtite some bullet points down or this post will be miles long.

Tommy accidently befriended a wolf, he named it Wilbur to mess with Wilbur. We had two Wilburs.

Bad was constantly driven up the wall by peoples language but truly was using it as a coping mechanism early on because he was afraid of being stuck here forever. We made sure to swear occasionally so he'd get the oportunity to yell at us.

Techno lost his first life when a creeper blast threw him directly into Dream's sword.

Dream never got over it.

Wilbur started making more songs and even made a few targetted at the groups adventures.

Wilbur descovered if he goes into the floor he cant tell which was is up, this terrified him, he never went underground again.

George made automatic farms and eventually even non-minecraft typical things like a morning alarm clock, a compass that pointed to the nearest village, and invented new armour that was more lightweight but still protective.

Wilbur the wolf regularly barked at and mauled giant spiders before they got anywhere near the house, much to literally everyone's relief.

Bad learned how to read and write enchanting table symbols.

I taught Dream how to repair his clothes and in return he showed me how to build traps.

Techno learned he could talk hoglin, piglin, and villager.

Bad learned he could stare at endermen and mistakingly assumed everyone could so he told everyone else its ok to do so.

Tommy lost his first life to an enderman.

Wilbur worked with george for a whole week on special gloves that would let him touch stuff.

I took an arrow dangerously close to the lungs after Tomny's first respawn trying to bring him home.

Dream realised he couldn't take off his mask and wished he could see the world normally again, nobody knew what his vision was like.

Bad descovered a joy for cooking.

Bad also tamed a cat and named it Muffin.

Muffin the cat would ride Wilbur the wolf around.

Dream lost his first life to hunger after pushing himself for too long.

Techno took a wrong step in the neather and lost his second life to a seriously long fall.

I never knew what I looked like...

Tommy lost his second life being overrun by zombies without a weapon. We made a rule to never leave the house alone after this many deaths.

Bad descovered pretty late that milk is poisonous to him and thus cakes will kill him. He lost a life to cake. He was devastated.

Tommy built a cute campfire. He and Wilbur would mess around singing at it. Wolf Wilbur thoroughly enjoyed this.

I would stay up most of the night watching everyone sleep because I worried the house could get invaded or surrounded. They found out after Phantoms started spawning and made a rule that at least one of then would stay awake at night to make me feel better.

George built Dream an obstacle course with lots of moving parts and such. He ran it every morning.

I learned how to play guitar from Wilbur at the campfire.

Torches never burnt out after they arrived. No idea why.

That's all I can remember...

It was a hard dream, I was sad and angry sometimes... but the happy moments made it worth it.

I hope I return to that dream someday.

[randomsevans]

a long , long time

Weekly challenge

@donutloverxo

@captain-rogers-beard 

hasn't been read through so please ignore  the mistakes please 

this is sorta a continued  of  ROSE  , but can be read by its self 

How ? 

How can you do this ? How are you going to keep going ? Why did he do this ? Why leave you ? Why leave his daughter ? why her , why is it always her ? 

you dont know how your going to do this ,you dont know how your gonna cop being a single parent , you dont know how you are going to do it alone ,. More importantly how are you going to get over him ?

How are you ever going to get over Steve Rogers ?

one thing is for sure , you have to for the sake of your daughter . Even though you will never love another , because Steve no matter what will always be your first and only love and that why it hurts so much .But you need to at  least be strong for your daughter , she just lost her father.

Time , time is all you need .

===================================

it was a random Sunday , at a random park where Steve sat , He knows that he has just when back to ever one , but he hasn't showed his face yet.  He looked around the park as the tree rustle against the wind as the odd person or two passes by . At this moment he feels peace .He had lived a beautiful life , with the women he truly loves and he wouldn't change .A life with Peggy , a life in his time was everything Steve wanted and got . 

But for him the last 8 years or so haven't been easy , with old age playing effect on him ,the snap  and the death of his love he was mostly been by himself . leaving him more time to think about them , her , you , his daughter . wonder what it would be like if he stay , how you are , did you meet some one else ? the thought sickens steve your his wife ... wait was his wife and what about his daughter he doesn't want another man raiser her .But what thats what it like now he made his choice and no matter what life he picked , it would always be filled with what ifs / and questions , theory on how he life would of went .

He buried the memory of you and his daughter for so long , Peggy never knew he had a  daughter or a wife . His other children never know that there have a sister who is the same age as their grandchildren . He never thought about you , not untill it came to the years where he knew some place in the world right now , you and his younger self where together , meeting , working , dating , married , a child all together . And now your by your self .

on the days like when he asked you to marry him , got married  he thought about you all day , was so so temper to go and see you and him self , but it was to risky . he remember everything , every detail to your hair , dress , your shocked face when he got on his knee . the small tear that rolled down your cheek where saying your “i dos “ . He would sit there on those days buying a single rose and drawing you. 

even on the day you were born you never left his mind , he find it quiet funny and sad on that day , thinking this is the day his wife was born , but also all the pain that was to come your way , that he couldnt do anyhing about

But htere were days like the 7th of January 2020 were he couldn't just sit there by himself with his thoughts . He made his way to a random hospital in Brooklyn . He sat outside on a bench for hours , people would pass by ask if was okay an odd nurse or too  would come up and ask if he was a patience . unknowingly to them his daughter , his eldest , yet youngest chronologically was being born . He sat there for hours thinking and remembering , the first time he holded her , her first steps , the annoyed look  on your face when her first word was “pa “ , he remember how happy he was , he swears he never smiled so wide so happy , spinning his daughter around promising her the world because she said dad first . He chucked at the memory . He left sortly after not getting a glance at you or his daughter since he could risk seeing his self .

that was roughly three years ago and on that day every year he would celebrate in one why . he would also send her a gift which he knows he should but he couldn't stop him self  .

Now he sits here on this bench, knowing soon he will have to see everyone well at least Bruce and Bucky to tell them not his okay an nothing went wrong . He was so lost in his thoughts he didnt notice the little girl run passed and trip over a rock right in frount of him

the girl had pushed her hands ifrount of her to try and save her self and let out a little cry . Steve got up the fastest her could , he reach of her hand and helped her up , while looking around to see if there was anyone running after her , not yet anyway .

the little girl was now up on her feet , with small sniffles . Her hair was long and blonde covering her face in all different direction . Her little hands trying to push her hair out of her face . Steve kneeled down to help her . 

“ are you ok....”

he stop , his old heart began to beat face , his eyes wide 

“ Sarah ?”

the sight of his daughter broke him , he didnt realise how much he  missed her , his first child , the one he promise to always be around .

“ hmm “ was the onlt thing that came out of her . she glanced up to meet steves eyes . Blue meet blue , the same blue

Hers widen , in shook  , she looked like she was about to cry .

“ h ... how do yo. you know ..my ..n..name “ she coked on every word , taking her time .

Steve was silent  he didn't know what to say , the fact that his daughter that he left behind was right infrount of him. 

her mouth only widen as she brought her tiny hand up towards steve face and pointed at his teary eyes .

“ y.. you ... you stole my daddy's eyes “ her little face scrunched up angerly  

he slighlt chuckled shaking his head “ n..no i didnt blue “

her hand quickly wet to her side at the name 

“wh... onli  daddy cowlds me t..hat “

“ i..  i know “ his tears now fully streaming downs his eyes .

“how?” she asked quickly 

“be..because ..” he truly didnt know what to say

“ your my daddy ?” 

he forget how smart she was , she may only be three but even Tony said shell grew up to be a genius and has the smartest around about an 8 year old the least time there checked 

he nodded his head in relief , the little girl only seem to grow anger as she place her hand on his cheek .

“liar .. my daddy is young .... my daddy will hurt you .... my daddy is c.cap .. amwerica  he .. does good ..and doesn't liek liars “ but then she paused for a moment her eyes grew red and her lip trembled “b...but his a li..liar ... he l...my daddy ..left me “ 

and with that she fell to the ground with aloud sob , and Steve went with her , both crying on the floor

“ h..”

“mm im sorry blue ...but i am your .. daddy ?” he knows he shouldn't but he couldn't help it his little girl right there crying over him , his heart is breaking and dying 

“how could i ever leave her ? “but he did 

“ho.. how ?” you looked up 

he stay silent how do you tell you daughter you left her and her mother to grow old with some one else.

“ how do i know your .. not lying ?”he glared at him . the same expression she shares with you , he let out a small chuckled , his daughter asking all the right question , she she so much like you . 

“ i call .. you blue be..because  we both .. have blue eyes “ a small smile placed on his lips , at the memory of finding the perfect  nickname of his daughter   . 

she just nodded in agreement staring him down . he smile shiftig on his bony knees . 

“ yo.. your first word was pa ... your birthday is 7th of January , you cant go to sleep with out  piggy .. yo..you favoit food is cookie .. double double chocolate chips that antie nat makes .... you love that silly little show that .. “ 

“the song “ she cut him off 

“what ?” he titled his head 

“ if you are really my daddy .. you know the song “ her eyes soften almost coming to terms that he is her father 

he paused for a mintes , cold tears falling from his eyes , every memory , everytime he song her to sleep with the song , the song that was your and his first dance together as husband and wife   

“it ... its” he could trust his own words , his voice he was so emotional he was sure hes old fragil body would give  away .

“ its .. its been a . long .. long time “ he closer his eyes in  a temper to clear his vision as he sung the melody 

“never thought that you would be standing here so close to me ,

theres so much i feel that i should say 

but words can wait untill some other day 

kiss me once the kiss me twist 

then kiss me one again 

its been a long long time 

haven't felt like this my dear 

since cant remember when 

you'll never know how many dreams 

iv dreamed about you 

or just how empty there seem with out you 

so kiss me once then kiss me twist 

then kiss me once again “ 

he paushed on ever word , every line , a thousand memory and emotions , him meaning every word as he looked into the yes of his daughter , that he had missed so much , the same blue eys he shared . The ones that have grown to accept that he is her father , her papa , her daddy .

with both teary eyes ,cold stinging cheeks against the hash wind on he ground of a random park , on a random Sunday , there finish the song together meaning very word , as father and daughter 

“its been a long , long time “

[iridescentides]

rules: to show appreciation of gifmakers and how much they grow and what they do, post one of your first gifs and one of your most recent gifs, then tag some gifmakers to see how much they’ve grown and improved.

i was tagged by @smilecapsules! thank you so much sarah!

okay i couldnt decide on just two gifs to post, so this is really just gonna be a giant journey through all my gifmaking progress up to this point. for your sake, i have hid it under the read more.

if you want the tl;dr version, it can basically be summed up in that i went from this:

to this:

in just one year!

here is one of the first gifs i ever made:

back in 2016-2017 i used an app called gif toaster on my ipad to make super simple basic gifs from videos that i downloaded from youtube, with another ipad app that is not available anymore. this gif is important bc girl meets world (and specifically rilaya) is what made me want to gif in the first place! i was so inspired by all the beautiful, deep, creative edits made by the gmw fandom and wanted to make cool stuff of my own. i definitely had a phase where i edited the lyrics to girls like girls onto every wlw pairing i ever shipped.

next theres this one:

which is a sample from probably the worst gifset i have ever created. i dont delete anything ever, so if you go far enough back in my tag, its still there. i used to edit gifs frame by frame, with like 4 different apps/websites. that clover? i painstakingly added it in the same spot over and over to each individual frame!

and here’s the last pre-photoshop example i will include:

when i learned how to use overlays on lunapic and had a very prolific text post meme phase, which i mostly put to work on my andi mack sideblog. despite the absolutely awful quality, this gifset has more notes than most of the sets ive posted. descendants 2 was so fun to post about.

i pretty much took a year off from tumblr in 2018, stopped creating stuff for the most part, became disconnected from lots of my old online friends. BUT THEN a bitch came back better than ever and finally took the steps to start learning photoshop in the summer of 2019! here are some samples of things i made when i had just barely learned to use photoshop:

i started off with a gifset of my favorite band, bc ultimately my motiviation for making gifs always has and always will be to preserve the things i love the most. a few things to note here: i think i pretty much only added a brightness layer to this (bc i didnt know how to color yet), i hadnt heard of optimal dimensions so i didnt bother resizing this, and the image is vertically squished, which i didnt know how to fix at the time. i remember that it was a huge accomplishment for me to learn how to add text.

next we have this one:

where i started learning how to use brushes. i was very focused on the umbrella academy when i first started using photoshop, and i was determined to teach myself to add pretty colors to things!

but THIS is where i changed the game:

THIS is where it really started, folks! i had seen enough coloring tutorials to learn how to use selective color layers. and the first thing i did with them was oversaturate my cyans into oblivion. this was the best gif in the set, and everyone’s skin was super yellow toned in all the others.

from there i became more adventurous:

this sally gif marks a point in time where i started getting comfortable with my position as a gifmaker. i started to develop my coloring own style. but funnily enough, at this point, i still didnt know how to sharpen yet! i was still editing in frames instead of timeline, and i couldnt figure out what the people in tutorials were talking about when they mentioned timeline stuff.

in december i posted a hairspray gifset that i would define as the moment i learned and started mastering the vibrant coloring that i still do to this day:

after this i arrived at what i consider to be my current style in terms of coloring and creativity.

[warning, coming next is a massive dump of recent (since march) gifs that im very proud of]

so there you have it! i went from struggling and being very hard on myself for not having edits that i thought were as good as other people’s, to really finding my style and voice as a gifmaker. im so proud of how far ive come and everything im able to make and do now! if you are someone who is just starting out as a gifmaker, my advice to you is to not worry if what youre making isnt perfect! it takes a lot of work and practice to get to the place you wanna be, but definitely enjoy the journey, read lots of tutorials, and always try to keep learning!

im tagging: @ewangmcgregor​ @dancingwithourshandstied​ @colewald​ @asterflor​ @zu-ko​ @queenrojpag​ @stanzier​ @vangoghs​ @crayonstoperfume​ @tmhnks​ @diegohargreves​ @timeslord​ @gabriellabolton​

[redwoodrroad]

i feel like i never have time anymore but afnskncjs one thing i’ve been thinking about lately is eridunis’s particular form of necromancy—i think primarily he focuses on minions that look entirely like the game models, but what he feels, what gives him his power, is this internal coldness he’s always had

i think ever since he was a kid, he’salways been really sensitive to the cold—not to mention, environmentally he’s sort of been raised such that summers were always easier than winters—and i think that really lends to his magic. not to be dramatic but i think his fear of the cold and discomfort and eventual hatred for it unlocked something that led into his unique iteration of necromancy, right; like im also thinking of how there are certain skills linked with coldness, to include the #1 skill for greatswords or the reaper’s elite skill shout, “chilled to the bone.” i just think it’s pretty fitting in terms of game mechanics AND thematically as i’ll describe—

i think this extends to his general physicality and like.... getting around in the world. his internal body temperature is probably significantly lower than the average human’s because of this innate magic living inside him, magic that itself is very cold, and it causes him to feel sort of like he can never really be warm enough unless he concentrates on tamping down that magical well and directing it somewhere other than his core instead of shivering everywhere he goes. all of this is to say that it is PURPOSEFUL that he wears such warm clothing all the time—like the aurora armor he wore between season 1 and season 3 and the winter solstice outfit he’s been consistently wearing since then

i think the cold also lends to his asthma? which is something i havent really talked about with him either, but he has asthma! it mostly becomes exacerbated when he’s fighting—i was originally inspired by the built-in thing human player characters say when theyre low on health which is “can’t... breathe...” and like i use to have major trouble breathing when i was a kid + running during gym class or when i played sports (but it wasnt ever established medically as asthma so i couldnt get out of any of it), SO i incorporated that into eridunis as well, and now i think it also lends to this idea of coldness being eridunis’s experience with his magic

so that’s ! all i really have to say on this for now. may write some more stuff up later to include how he deas with his asthma as he gets into bigger and badder fights, how arkus helps him, how others react when they find out their commander has this major disability, and how ultimately while it gets in the way and prevents him from doing some things, it’s just something he works around and copes with like everything else. this is also a tangent from the original point of this post, but i thought it was still pretty pertinent. thank you for reading! and happy bday to my boy 🥰

[orchidbreezefc]

OKAY COOL I WAS ON THE FENCE ABOUT POSTING MY OWN EXPERIENCES IN THE KFAM DISCORD BECAUSE A POST ABOUT People Being Mean To Sage Specifically SEEMED KIND OF MASTURBATORY OR SELF-PITYING OR WHATEVER BUT IF WE REALLY ARE GOING TO STILL BE OUT HERE PUSHING THE This Server Is A Lovely Familial Community And Dissenters Are The Problem NARRATIVE EVEN NOW? HELL NO. ABSOLUTELY NOT.

obviously this is hard to be objective about. this stuff is a lot less concrete than my first post, a lot more based on vibes i got, which, yknow, is why it’s not in my first post. but if anyone identifies with this, if anyone sees their own experiences in this discord reflected in mine, then it’s going to be worth the worry i’m reading too much into things, or others thinking the same of me. if i can help anyone who felt like THEY were mistreated there and weren’t sure if they were reading too much into things, then. it’s worth it. especially since the M.O. in there was ‘everything’s fine and if not we’re going to MAKE IT FINE by silencing anyone who disagrees’.

a lot of talk has been done about the censorship (word used loosely, first amendment protects from the government not from the mods etc, definitely a specific suppression of dissenting ideas though) the mods have been doing--once more i suggest @kfam-tea for receipts and screenshots. not something i feel great about, but not something i have personal experience with, so i won't speak to it. see also my first post about my interactions with the creators. it touches on the dogpiling, which i'll go into more depth on in this post. you can find it [link: here].

so. the first thing in the official discord that tipped me off about the hivemind samethink phenomenon is that the whole place is distinctly frosty on the subject of samben. that’s a post all its own, one that follows through to numbers on ao3 and whatever, but i’m not here to make a ship manifesto. suffice it to say i got attached to the ship upon listening, inhaled the (suspiciously small) ao3 tag, and was stopped in my tracks at the discord server where any implication of such ship inclinations were met with silence and pointed changes of subject.

distinctly weird. distinctly unusual fandom behavior, that i couldnt even hint around shipping the two men whose incredibly profound relationship is literally the crux of the show, who have exchanged ‘i love you’s, one of whom is confirmed gay--all other romantic entanglements aside, because when have those stopped shippers? that was weird. i realize that's maybe a bit tinfoil hat of me. it could have been the goldfish-bowl big-brother-is-watching vibe from having creators in there, except, as i said, it carries to other sites.

anyway, much more concrete was when i spoke out about my thoughts on ben’s actions in ep68. again, enough there for another post, so tl;dr: he was doing his best, he’s a good guy and a good friend, but his actions DIRECTLY outed sammy to the WHOLE town, without allowing sammy to say the words himself. it was an accident, yes, but it had tangible, harmful consequences, and even accidental harm warrants apology. it should at least be... acknowledged. at some point. by the show OR the fandom. it's a disservice to ben himself to never get the chance to own up to it.

this was an unacceptable take. i tried breaching this topic and making my case twice, and got THOROUGHLY dogpiled both times. a dozen fans crawled out of the woodwork to argue heatedly, sometimes getting quite aggressive, sometimes toeing the line of outright hostility toward me personally. definitely some downright rude messages. not once did anybody speak up to defend my right to put forward my dissenting opinion, let alone SUPPORT my argument, god forbid. ben’s were the actions of a good friend, i was told. outing someone to their whole town without giving them the chance to say it on their own terms didn't qualify as harm at all, i was told, on account of ben's heart being in the right place.

still, the opinions being argued matter less than the attitudes and behaviors. people don't have to agree with me about that ep, i don't care. i do care about being given the right to, as a single person on my own, have space to make an argument without being shouted down by a dozen people. i do care about how it fit into a greater pattern of forbidding any criticism of the show, and ben in particular, who is a good friend and therefore all of his actions are good and harmless, who is our resident heterosexual unassailable paragon of purity. which might explain the samben problem--sammy/ron[/jack] was perfectly fine, even popular, but there was never a whisper of shipping ben with anyone but emily. they're Official. theyre The Perfect Couple. don't you dare challenge that (and for the most part, i didn’t dare. i quickly learned not to).

my [link: previous post] details kyle's response to these fun events, where he specifically went out of the way to follow me being shouted into silence (a result of me being driven to literal tears and shutting down rather than invite more argument) with a warm congratulations to everybody for their conduct in this discussion. because that's the kind of conversation kyle wants to specifically and explicitly praise and encourage, i guess.

anyway. this contributed to the growing sense over my time in the discord that people held a certain distaste for me but didn’t want to say anything direct. instead they talked around me, ignored me, immediately changed the subject from my messages, the whole while bestowing constant glowing compliments on each other and endlessly repeating saccharine sentiments about what a nice family type community they were, how grateful they were for the discord being such a positive space. i suppose that’s an easy impression to get when negativity is ruthlessly suppressed (and apparently outright censored nowadays) and instead of insults or, god forbid, communication with people with whom folks might take issue, they just (more or less) silently stonewall and cold shoulder them.

again, i could be misreading cues, being egocentric or tinfoil hat by reading this pattern into how i in particular was treated. either way, the fact that i was given the fandom friday shout out the week after KFAM live was definitely... strange. fishy, even. i was already mostly out the door at that point, had been for weeks--it was actually in my last few days speaking there period. i felt strangely guilty that they would dedicate a day to me when i didn’t like being there much and hardly spoke any longer. one thing’s for sure: my congratulations were fewer and more impersonal, perfunctory, and/or generic than other fans got (i kept a screenshot). i still have no idea what to make of that one, but there you have it.

p.s.: since vagues are in vogue now apparently, i might as well mention the person who's been accused of being A Problem In The Discord For A While Now, among nastier things, which definitely is not an effort to justify kyle's passive aggressive response to their untagged post which used the phrase 'death of the author', or kyle subsequently crying on twitter about death threats because apparently he couldn't be bothered to google a basic literary analysis term and thought if he was vague enough nobody would look into what was actually said. i guess he was right, if the hundreds of asspats and outcries against The Evils Of Podcast Fan Meanies were any indication.

i digress. i just wanted to testify that the fan in question was one of maybe three or four people on the server who consistently treated me nicely and acted like they liked me. and that another fan who claimed to be uncomfortable around death-of-the-author-person was the person who came the closest to being outright nasty to me when i expressed a critical opinion. make of that what you will i guess!

p.p.s.: if i never say anything more about this whole thing or the creators’ part in it, i do want to say for the record: noah james is fully exempt from all of this and remains absolutely wonderful and a whole treasure. like dont pedestalize male creators and assume them incapable of wrongdoing etc etc but i had an hour long midnight denny’s breakfast sitting across from him and he was nothing short of an angel the whole time. sweetest guy i’ve ever met. he hasn’t breathed a word about any of this drama. he may not even know it’s going on because he’s too busy being the most beautiful and talented man in america or something. i love you noah