#there we go now it doesn't matter lol
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tadpoles-and-daydreams · 6 months ago
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A ramble on imposter syndrome and the accessibility of witchcraft
So, I’ve been thinking. I think a lot in case you haven’t noticed. Specifically, I’ve been thinking about the major imposter syndrome I’ve been feeling lately in regards to this blog. TL;DR is at the bottom of this post.
People have been, occasionally, sending me asks requesting my opinion on things/how I do things/what I know about XYZ topic. If you are one of these people, I promise I’m not vagueposting about you in particular- in fact, I love these questions! They’re so fun to get and they actually make me sit and think sometimes, or even encourage me to write out something that I’ve been meaning to for my book of shadows. Genuinely, they're wonderful asks to receive. These questions have made me confront something, however; my blog is still small, but some people actually like what I write and value my opinion even if just a little. 
I feel like a mimic hiding in the witchcraft community. I feel like, were people to truly understand my experiences, they would want to “expose” me for knowing so little.
So I sat down with those feelings and turned it over in my head and I’ve come to a conclusion. The fact is, I don’t do research. At least- not what I think of when people talk about research. My "research" consists of the occasional rabbit hole I go down, one and two halves of different books I never finished under my belt, what I see scrolling through various social medias, and conversations I've had with other witches. I check to make sure I'm not stepping on the toes of any closed practices- in fact, that's what most of my energy goes to when it comes to research. This isn't a complaint; I'd much rather know that my craft isn't appropriative.
But I don’t know much about mythology, even that of the deities I work with. I don't even remember the holidays and what they're for. I thought Nyx was an Egyptian deity until like four months ago because I'd just heard her name in passing as a child and had never looked into the mythology... Even though I mainly work with the pantheon she belongs to. Y’all, I’ve done like three spells that I remember. My book of shadows is a messy disaster and I love it but it's got so little information in it, because I rarely write things down. Most resources (especially mythology resources) are academically worded or difficult to read for me personally, and all of these things feel like secrets I have to guard with my life because if I were to ever say them aloud, people would know I'm a fraud.
Today I've come to the conclusion that that is, in fact, absolute bullshit.
Maybe it's not, maybe this post will make some people really upset, but in my practice it's bullshit. All of the above is a result of my ADHD and the fact that I am nothing if not a hands-on learner. My craft is mostly my own experiences because that's how my whole life is; I learn by doing. My ideal learning style is sitting with another autistic person whose special interest is whatever I'm learning about and just talking for five hours, but if that's not something I can do, puzzling it out myself is the next best thing. That's what I've been doing ever since I felt had a basic foundation for my craft. Hell, even before I had a foundation I was putting my own experiences into my craft because "Well that rule just doesn't fucking vibe with me."
This post is mostly for me, but partially for anyone who feels similar. We are not broken or doing witchcraft/paganism wrong. We are simply what happens when the kid who could never do homework ends up practicing the "religion/spirituality that comes with homework." Witchcraft and paganism, in my experience, is far from accessible when it comes to the typical image of it. UPG is what makes it accessible. So yes, my practice is heavily UPG, and I don't do as much research as I think people have assumed. But I'm going to let go of the idea that I'm a fraud, because frankly I know enough about witchcraft to have supported my practice this whole time and my deities haven't smited me yet so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
TL:DR:
Fuck the rules, I don't do much research. I've researched the "basics" and what I need to so I'm not stepping on any toes of closed practices, but people seem to think I know way more than I actually do. I've felt like I was lying this whole time but frankly witchcraft just isn't accessible to someone with my flavor of auDHD, so my craft relies heavily on UPG and I've decided that I'm not broken or wrong for that and neither is anyone else. I'm tired of seeing myself as an imposter just because I make my practice doable for me.
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thevagueambition · 9 months ago
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It's so vile of JKR and the people she's boosting to paint Magnus Hirschfeld as some sort of race science enthusiast
The gay jew who was almost beat to death by Nazi thugs in 1920 for being loud about decriminalising homosexuality, women's sufferage, abortion rights, socialism, the horrors of war, suicide prevention for queer people, etc
Who only survived the burning of his pioneering Sexuality Institute because he was abroad and who died in France because he could not return to a homeland that did not acknowledge him as a German
You want to say he's the ~real Nazi~ for holding beliefs that were mainstream science at the time he held them?
Yes, Hirschfeld was a eugenicist, insofar as most doctors were prior to the Holocaust
Yes, he argued that gay people having kids would lead to sickly kids -- as an argument for why society should stop forcing gay people into heterosexual marriages
Hirschfeld was by no means perfect, but smearing the legacy of someone who was specifically, by name, targeted by the Nazis for being a jew, for being gay and yes, for pioneering gender affirming care, as if he was fucking Mengele
That is just fucking evil
(but the people who criticise her are antisemitic homophobes, right?)
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running-in-the-dark · 8 months ago
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kinda disappointed with how this weekend went. I mean, it wasn't bad! but it was our first weekend in the new apartment, and I/we wanted to get a lot done. I already did a lot during the week (a lot for me, not a lot for most people I guess), but there's lots of things that I can't do/can't do on my own, either because I'm too short or not strong enough or I need someone else to hold something or whatever. which realistically just won't get done during the week because my husband works full time, so. it sort of sucks that only one very small, unimportant thing got done. 😔
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sysig · 6 months ago
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Grump and not so grump (Patreon)
#Doodles#Villainsona#Just Desserts#Lol#Happy to be the happy sona! Of course ♪#I fiiiinally got a haircut again yaaaay#Actually all the Reds did! We all went to the local barber and they do such lovely work <3#We got our hair cut on smol's birthday and we're all adorable!#It's really nice now that it's out of my eyes and off my neck - smol's is directly in her eyes tho lol#As long as she's happy haha#Continuing the happies trend <3 This was doodled before the brain weirdness but I'm mostly back onto it :)#Got brain-work to do about it |P But better is good! I like better!!#And I like pleased <3#There was plenty to be pleased about! :D Good dreams and good conversation and games and ah <3 Happies <3#Poor Charm gets none of the above! Haha poor lad ♪#The TVAU grump was just a spacefiller so not much more to that#She is cute tho even when she's grumpy#And then the Kaiein thing lol - so I mentioned a bit back about going to meet with one of Kaiein's ''inspiration sources'' ahem ahem#It's the same as before - they're honestly quite ineffectual once you get right down to it#I read basically everything they do in bad faith because there's no established trust - and also I don't care if they're trying to insult me#If they're trying to connect it's sad - if they're trying to be mean it's pathetic - which I mean? Good?? Lol#Them not having power over me in themself is a good thing I'm glad that's where I am currently#Basically they got me a how-to book on digital art - with an emphasis on Photoshop#I know SAI is a lesser-known program but they were the one who helped me buy it - they've probably forgotten#Maaahh it doesn't matter - not even into Evil Time about it it's just so nothing pff#Someday they'll learn that giving gifts isn't the be-all end-all to making friends. I know I would've preferred nothing :P#I'm just happy to be confident enough where I am that while I don't like it - it doesn't actually do anything to me lol#It's a better place to be :)
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frankensteinmutual · 6 months ago
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I have three different endings in mind for the story I'm working on and I just can't quite decide which one to go with
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arcadequeerz · 2 years ago
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I just do not give a single shit about lg-bt-q disc-ourse anymore.
#Cade.Txts#sorry i jsut do not care.#i dont give a fuck about what flag someone does or doesn't use#i dont care about what people call themselves. stop trying to decide shit for othrr people#shut up and fuck off n leave people alone. u dont havr to 'understand' to be respectful#Idc if people use the blue 'gay' flag who cares. use whatever flag u want.#shut the fuck up about mspec gay people we're doing nothing wrong n if i have someone try n start#some shit w me about how i personally identify i will maul them through the god damn internet. shut up.#eat shit. i dont owe a explanation to u about why i'm abro ply gay n if u demand me to explain#im going to tell you to fuck off.#who the fuck cares what people call themselves. u might not like being called queer or whatever n thats cool#but some people do and thats nit a fucking slight aganst u.#and i say 'you' as just in general i guess. this isn't pointed at a specific person.#i dread pride month every year because people r going to throw some shitfit about something snd i jsut#i dont care. can we care about shit that fucking matters instead.#if u legimately call urself a exclusionist in 2023 your a shitstain and do nothing for the community.#grow the fuck up or get the fuck off the internet.#sorry i saw shit n i got mad lol. i'm so tired of peoples bullshit. worry about shit tht matters n not#how someone else identifies or what someone calls themselves- or what flag someone uses.#i'm just going to be unabashedly full of rage now.#i'm queer n trans n im pissed the end.
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bobzora · 9 months ago
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there are some bits of what they did with the rooftop scene that i like and others where i was like :/ this isn't as good as it could be. and this is an important scene lmao
#bobtalk#p3reposting#this is also a scene where i'm really attached to the old translation. so lol.#still sad that we dont have you will be given one year move forth without falter with your heart as your guide <- attached to this one also#also kind of split on the reload version of kimi no kioku. it's a good song no matter what though (the best persona song in general)#(no arguments there. nobody does it like my goat kimi no kioku.) (the reload version is good ive decided btw)#IN GENERAL. the reload cutscenes. well. the production value is higher or whatever than the original.#but man they're just. not as good im sorry. im the most annoying person in the world possibly but#i think the worst offender by FAR is the opening cutscene because the original was so striking and well directed. and reload's just does NO#hit the same at allllll. major loss imo#the awakening is the runner up when it comes to lost oomph. as one would expect lol#that's a thing with the remake like it's modernized and higher production value and it looks GREAT. and i LIKE a lot of its changes#i really do. tartarus has never been nicer to explore#but in the process there are quite a few spots where it's lost some of its. artistic vision(?) i guess.#anyway reload second persona game for me to physically cry during lmao. voice acting in the sun SL second last day scene got me#i think my main takeaway from reload is that it doesn't replace the originals. but of course it was never going to. and at the end of the#day. i'm glad it exists. i had a good time...and now i'm going to rest. lol
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hypermascbishounen · 10 months ago
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The thing about a lot of the purity culture stuff is how it's also propped up by the anti-intelectualism. Which is how you get people earnestly Charlie-day-cork-board style arguing why anything they don't like has incest subtext, while insulting anyone who actually cares about analyzing real incest subtext.
It's also hard to do any serious analysis of the state of queer works, when the well has been so thoroughly poisoned between prople policing who gets to write/enjoy it, vs writers who see regular engagement with the premise of their writing as a threat.
#Like it's just surreal to read something with serious incestuous implications then go online#And it's verboten to even acknowledge it or you are evil - but reading the thing with incest subtext is fine bc it doesn't exist nope#Meanwhile the same fandom has wanked two unrelated characters into “like incest” but only if you ship them#And don't let my pfp fool you this isn't just about one fandom this has happened in every other fandom I've been in the last few years#I feel like I am losing my fucking mind lol#And yeah it does seem to be unfortunately related to how people see “representation”#Bc you will see people basically arguing that exploring queerness through fiction is inherent fetishization#Unless it's conforming to their strict Disney S&P department standards#And that this is to protect queers and stop the spread of ...degeneracy...yeah that is just 80's sex wars garbage lol#Meanwhile the primary argument made against this will be to claim that writing queer works is inherently radical#Regardless of context or quality or artist#And that they deserve praise and that criticism is just being a hater and those fags should be grateful to their genius actually and -#yeah that is just more conservative bullshit in a different hat#No you are not beyond reproach bc of your subject matter or identity no subject matter or identity are not inherently damning#It just feels like both of these “sides” are artificial and astroterfed so that we all lose either way#And I am so done with it lol like wtf why is everyone like this now
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angorwhosebabyisthis · 2 years ago
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i keep having Thoughts about how in so many ways LL has so much potential to be a really hard-hitting, messy, no-punches-pulled exploration of what i call moral agency: not the agency to act on your beliefs, but the agency to have those beliefs at all. like, if you're being abused into internalizing a set of beliefs, or indoctrinated in such a way as to make you resistant to outside perspective, or having relevant information withheld from you even if you would be looking for it... you don't have nearly as much choice in the matter of what you believe as someone who isn't stuck in that position.
and like. the central antagonists alone are literally a massive, horrifically abusive cult that spans generations. and i really wish they had actually followed through on that, and done so with compassion for victims who might need to be held accountable, instead of treating them with hatred and dehumanization.
(and also, y'know. hadn't treated some characters who did bad things as if they had much, MUCH more agency, moral or otherwise, than they did at literally any point. COUGH FIVE COUGH COUGH COUGH)
there's just. so so so much interesting stuff to be dug into there, in a way that's deeply fundamental to the narrative where even a lot of stories about moral agency aren't, and i really wish i could scrape enough brain cells together to talk about it properly
#lorien legacies#LL mogadorians#LL number five#LL tag#LL crit tag#the really fucked up thing is how they only make the about-face to#'wow the idea that the mogs had their moral agency stripped away is tragic; evil; and violating'#when that is suddenly the ONLY bad thing that could possibly happen to them that Matters#they can go through genocide and starvation and horrific human rights abuses and be tortured in prison camps for the rest of their lives#explicitly INCLUDING THE CHILDREN. ALL OF THEM#but lol who give a shit as long as they believe the right things now. they deserve it anyway uwu#which gets a hundred times worse because what we see of adam ''giving them the ability to believe the right things'' in the end#SCREAMS cult. holy shit it screams cult so bad#and he explicitly says he doesn't care if his mom is in the camp because she'd suffer too#his reason for not wanting to see her again is that *she might believe the wrong thing still*#and rex fucks me up because his genuine compassion for other mogs and wanting to believe the best of them#ends up with him being presumably the first member of adam's fucking internment camp cult lmfao#which like. we see a dude's initiation involving carving off his head tattoos. rex has head tattoos. connect the dots 🙃#the way this series handles moral agency is.......... very deeply horrifying. don't get me started on five or the vatborn#anyway. regardless there is so much ground to be explored here and i pray to the heavens for the brain cells to do it coherently#it is especially of interest to me as someone who grew up southern baptist lmao#the crit files#cults cw#religious abuse cw#genocide cw#mutilation cw#self-harm cw#fuck off adam#dyn: but i'm helping you anyway
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unproduciblesmackdown · 1 year ago
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another specific scenario nice & simple like winston "isn't allowed to have a 'correct' cishet(tm) gender n sexuality anyways" "keeps immediately latching on to the nonbinariest people around him" billions goes yolo mode after going [just endlessly weather it at the sunk cost factory] firmly established itself as a shitshow and decides like i'm gonna hook up with a guy fr (has not already happened, in this specific scenario) and then does so, congrats to him. however, with all the precedent in the world, it's like here's your big anxiety about any autodidactic sex ed beforehand. here's your big anxiety about just general surveillance & malicious handling of it afterwards. no way anyone could have completely founded hangups about everything even further just indefinitely now. bonus points though he still goes to math meetup has real math friends over there who have Really provided the [yeah it's not actually a popularity contest here] arena & he's known them for years & let's say has at least One amicable person who talks with him out of it, maybe even two. congrats to him canonly for getting out of there, sure hurt him as much as they possibly could on his way out though, was legitimately the goal
#and no way could winston already have founded hangups abt anything to just be added to here. we would just Know if he did#(unserious remark there....)#speaking of ''it's basically like bitter exes clashing except they didn't even get to have the actual relationship(tm)''#winston gets to anytime; all the time; be on edge abt ''what if someone was intently stalking me re: what i'm doing or what info i'm#potentially leaving'' like that is what happened & not like anyone would clarify here's what we did; here's what we're now Not doing#or like that would feel (or in this case: be) trustworthy anyways#billions is all but certainly going ''oh he's fine lol. he has always just been fine lol.''#with the logic that he's fine b/c if we don't think it matters how he's affected (& we don't!) then the Reality is: it doesn't matter#dehumanize your local autist: a billions story#winston billions#and all the discussion like ''wags' Kys Data on winston is like [buy pants] [mundane handy lookups]'' like uh okay#but it's like As Though winston just could Never have looked up things So Wrong for correct cishets like ''am i gay? quiz?'' lmao#or as though wags wouldn't throw that kind of thing at someone. do we assume everyone else there would suddenly Disapprove if he did#winston evidently cast as AnyNerd in the whole saga while wags is lovingly cradled in billions' arms shh you're so epic#with any viewers who also don't get / decline the memo we're supposed to understand winston is less of a person going like Uh. What#doesn't add up with anything but aren't we all just having a delightful time w/wags as always
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opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year ago
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...
#so theres this terrible thing i do where i force myself to get up way too early and go into the lab before anyone else#bc i get overwhelmed when lots of ppl r around. its terrible bc if u do that over and over it kinda breaks ur brain#but there is something i like abt walking around while its still dark out and on ones on thr roads looking up at the stars and theyre all#haloed here bc theres actually moisture in thr air here. i feel. idk how i feel. more normal i guess. like neutral but in a negative way.#like i dont really care about anything. probably im just tired. i haven't been sleeping well. maybe its the birth control#which im still taking bc im too curious abt how my mood fluctuates when my hormones r controlled. or maybe its my mood. but ive been tired#and ive not been having fun. i just feel like im very no thoughts empty head. here's info do u have anything to say abt it? any observations#? no. no. cant read cant think cant talk in a way that makes may sense. what do we do abt it? i dunno. i dunno.#sleep maybe. stop taking the birth control maybe. talk to my councilor monday definitely. give her an insane rant abt how im definitely not#bipolar lol i think ive got a point. but i go back and forth idk. it doesn't really matter. i just find it interesting#sigh. remember when i had time to draw? remember when i wanted to draw? now im just tired#whatever. ill sleep and feel better. get my executives to function maybe. maybe. but probably not#i did cut off like 3 inches of hair on impulse. got that chin length depression haircut. classic#unrelated
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spaceoutdreamer · 2 years ago
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Last time I drank, I started telling my coworker to get therapy
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i-am-agent-washingtub · 4 months ago
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My most handsome boy 😛
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trahoalai · 4 months ago
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"ehhh whats the deal with class of 2025" "istg class of 2025 doesnt have any school spirit" class of 2025 doesn't wanna be!!!!!!! here!!!!!!!
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letbuckfuck · 4 months ago
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can i be hypocritical for a second
#shut up hanna#she says she doesn't want to hear people talking about him and then makes a post to talk about him. sorry here we go#i don't think a lot of the people obsessed with tommy are fully examining WHY they are so obsessed with him#because i'm not gonna say they're necessarily racist but i do think that they hold these implicit biases in favor of white people#(biases which poc can absolutely hold as well)#(why do you think so many poc exclusively date white ppl and then chalk it up to personal preferences)#which is why this guy that has barely had any screentime now has entire blogs dedicated to him and is getting defended by people in the#fandom in a way gay poc characters like michael and hen never were.#and you could say okay hanna well what about josh! he's a white gay man and people don't obsess over him!#and that's true and likely because a) he is not kissing buck and b) you can't attach a repression storyline to him#which is another thing people in fandom seem to gravitate towards. men with internalized homophobia.#another thing that seems to stem from these implicit biases in favor of masculinity in gay men#which now come to think of it is only enhanced by his whiteness. bc god if tommy wasn't white??? y'all would be saying the nastiest shit#which i know because it is the shit you say about eddie when you try to spin the narrative that he's homophobic. bc he's latino.#but no because tommy is a white man with previous internalized homophobia it's a beautiful tragic backstory#and you can watch the beautiful story of a masculine man becoming vulnerable and it's the most amazing thing you've ever seen in your life#and the amount of screentime this man has gotten does not warrant the amount of attention and obsession he's garnered#so i truly do think the only reason anyone would be such a big fan of his is because of their own implicit biases regarding#whiteness and masculinity#which if that was something these people would actually acknowledge and own up to? then i don't think i'd have a problem with them#and i'd be hypocritical (lol) if i said i don't also hold these biases and they seep into my fandom interests#but i'm willing to sit down and think hmm why am i acting this way about this character and should i be trying to reshape my thinking.#instead of doubling down and calling everyone that talks shit about my obsession homophobic no matter the context of their shit talking#i feel like i have more to say but i can't remember now and also i hope this makes sense bc i'm so lightheaded rn i need to eat dinner
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vicagentstan · 8 months ago
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hey people here's the ultimate boop guide!! (in case ur confused)
to boop people, just go to either the home/explore page and scroll until you find someone with a boop button next to their name like this ↓
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just click that and u booped someone!!
(some people opted out so not everyone has that option)
(also, it doesn't matter if the person is following you, your moot, etc,, u can just boop a random stranger!)
you can also boop yourself by going to your own blog and click the boop button on top of a post that you made/reblogged !
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(also gives you this pop-up lol)
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you can also view someone's blog and then boop them with this button !
last but not least we have the super boop !!
find any boop button, hover over it for a few seconds, then it should do a spinning animation; then click it and if it gives u this pop-up that means it worked :3
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update: ok i dont think super booping works on mobile :(
WAIT GUYS YOU CAN EVIL BOOP SOMEONE
hover over the boop button and wait for it to do the spinning animation at least 3 times, then click it and it should give u this pop-up
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im gonna try super booping everyone who interacts with this lol
ok im also gonna attempt to super boop your other accounts too
I CANT KEEP UP HELPP 😭 (also its almost midnight for me now..)
woke up with 7k notes and its still going 😭 not attempting to boop every single person anymore lol.. 💔
muting notifs on this post since its over
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