#there was an exam and i needed to study hard for it
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★ in his arms, the world fades // clark kent.
synopsis. feeling unwell and overwhelmed, you seek comfort in clark's arms. his warmth, soothing touch, and sweet words make the ache in your stomach—and your heart—feel bearable.
warning(s). fluff | comfort | f!reader | s1!clark | reader feels unwell stomach aches | nausea | difficulty eating | mild angst | distressing moments | academic stress | brief mentions of exams | studying | cuddling | kisses | superman references.
kari yaps. last night, i had horrible stomach pains and wrote this <333 + a lil disclaimer! i'm on ep 5 of smallville (the ads on hulu r mad annoying) so i only know a little about clark. but don't worry i will get to know all ab pookie soon !!! trust <33
it starts with the ache. sharp and twisting, like someone's wringing your stomach out like a wet rag. it's been days now—days of barely keeping food down, of your appetite wavering between nothing and everything, only for nausea to win every time. eating has become a battle, and losing feels inevitable. but you haven't told anyone, not really. maybe it's pride. maybe it's not wanting to worry anyone. maybe you're just hoping it'll go away on its own.
still, it lingers, and today's no different. you pull up to the kent farm, the gravel crunching under your tires, the sight of the red barn and yellow farmhouse somehow grounding you. you're supposed to be here to study. algebra—not exactly something you're excited about, but clark's always been good at making the hard stuff easier. it's one of the many things you love about him: his patience, his steadiness, the way he seems to know when you need a little extra reassurance. and maybe you need that today more than ever.
"hey, pretty girl," clark greets you at the door, his smile soft and familiar, like it's meant just for you. "you okay? you look…" he trails off, squinting at you in that way he does when he's trying to figure you out. "…tired."
you force a smile, shrugging it off. "just didn't sleep much last night."
it's not a lie, exactly. the ache had kept you up most of the night, twisting and turning beneath the covers, unable to find a position that didn't make it worse. but clark doesn't need to know that. not right now.
he nods, stepping aside to let you in. "i made us some lemonade," he says as you follow him up the stairs to his room. "my mom said it's good for focus or something. i don't know, but it tastes good."
you hum in response, though the thought of drinking anything right now makes your stomach churn. you'll figure out a way to avoid it later.
when you get to his room, it's the same as always—neat but lived-in, the bed made but the desk cluttered with papers and books, a small stack of cds next to his stereo. it smells faintly of pine and something distinctly clark, like sun-warmed hay and fresh laundry. it's comforting in a way you didn't realize you needed.
you settle on the floor with him, textbooks and notebooks spread out between you. he's already flipping through his algebra book, pen tapping idly against his knee as he scans the pages.
"okay," he says, glancing at you with a smile. "where should we start? graphing inequalities or quadratic equations?"
you groan, letting your head fall back against the bed. "do we have to start?"
he chuckles. "the exam's next week. i don't think mr. phillips is gonna let us wing it."
"worth a shot," you mutter, but you sit up anyway, flipping open your notebook to a blank page. you try to focus, really, but the ache is still there, dull and persistent, and it's hard to think about numbers and graphs when all you want to do is curl up in a ball and sleep.
half an hour in, you're staring at your notebook, pen tapping against the paper. clark's voice is distant as he explains something about parabolas, the words blurring together in your head. you're not even sure when you stopped listening. all you know is that your chest feels tight, your stomach twists again, and suddenly, you just can't anymore.
"hey," clark says, his voice soft with concern. "what's wrong?"
you don't answer, don't even look at him. instead, you set your notebook aside, shifting closer to him until you're wrapping your arms around his neck and burying your face in the crook of it. his skin is warm against your cheek, the faint scent of his cologne lingering there. you don't say anything, and neither does he, not at first. he just sits there, still and quiet, letting you hold on like he's been expecting this all along.
then, slowly, he moves. his arms come around you, strong and steady, and he shifts your things aside before effortlessly pulling you up with him onto the bed. his back hits the mattress, and you're lying on top of him, your head resting against his chest. his hands find your back, warm and soothing as they rub up and down in slow, gentle strokes.
you close your eyes, letting out a shaky breath. his touch is enough to warm you, enough to quiet the ache in your stomach, at least for now. you don't know how he does it—how he makes everything feel a little less heavy just by being there.
your hands move to rest on his collarbone, fingers brushing against the fabric of his t-shirt. the side of your head presses against his chest, and you can feel the steady rhythm of his heartbeat beneath your ear. it's grounding in a way you didn't know you needed.
he doesn't say anything at first, just keeps rubbing your back, his touch slow and deliberate, like he knows exactly how to calm you down. but then he starts murmuring soft, sweet things in your ear, his voice low and soothing.
"you're okay," he says, his lips brushing against the top of your head. "whatever it is, you're okay. i've got you."
his hand moves to rest on the side of your head, his thumb tracing gentle circles against your hair. he presses another kiss to your temple, then another, each one softer than the last.
"you don't have to say anything," he whispers. "just let me hold you."
and you do. you let yourself relax against him, let yourself melt into his warmth. his chest rises and falls beneath you, steady and strong, and you match your breathing to his without even realizing it. the ache in your stomach is still there, but it feels distant now, muted by the way his hands move against your back, by the way his voice wraps around you like a blanket.
"you know," he starts after a while, his voice still soft, "i'm not great at algebra either. but i'm pretty sure lying here with you is a way better use of my time."
you let out a quiet laugh, your breath fanning against his chest. "you're supposed to be the responsible one."
"yeah, well," he murmurs, his fingers threading through your hair, "even superheroes need a break sometimes."
you tilt your head to look up at him, catching the small smile playing on his lips. "superhero, huh?"
"what? you didn't know?" his grin widens, teasing. "i'm kind of a big deal."
you roll your eyes, but there's no real bite to it. "you're ridiculous."
"maybe," he says, pressing another kiss to your forehead. "but i made you laugh, didn't i?"
you hum in response, letting your head fall back against his chest. the silence that follows is comfortable, the kind that wraps around you like a warm blanket. his hand moves back to your back, tracing slow, lazy patterns against your spine.
"i mean it, though," he says after a while, his voice quieter now. "whatever's going on, you don't have to go through it alone. you can tell me."
"i know," you whisper, your fingers curling into the fabric of his shirt. "i just… i don't know. i've been feeling off lately. stomach stuff. it's probably nothing."
he frowns, his hand pausing mid-stroke. "how long?"
"a few days," you admit. "it's not a big deal. it'll pass."
"you don't know that," he says gently. "have you eaten today?"
you hesitate, and that's enough of an answer for him. he sighs, his hand resuming its slow movements against your back.
"you're stubborn, you know that?" he murmurs, but there's no heat behind it. just concern, soft and steady, like everything else about him.
"takes one to know one," you shoot back, your voice muffled against his chest.
he chuckles, the sound rumbling beneath you. "fair enough. but promise me you'll let me know if it gets worse, okay?"
"okay," you say, and you mean it. because if anyone can make you feel like everything's going to be okay, it's clark.
you stay like that for a while longer, wrapped up in each other, the rest of the world fading away. the algebra books are forgotten, but neither of you seems to care. right now, this is enough. he's enough.
and for the first time in days, the ache in your stomach feels bearable.
⎯⎯ SPECIAL TAGS. @titsout4jackles @floralscented @aileenunfiltered @st4rfckerz @jasvtsc . . . ୨୧
# ✸ ׂ ♡ ݂ 𝐊 writes.#clark kent#clark kent smallville#clark kent fluff#clark kent angst#clark kent fanfiction#clark kent fic#smallville#clark kent x reader#clark kent x you#clark kent x y/n#clark kent x female reader#clark kent x fem reader#clark x reader#clark x female reader#clark x you#clark x y/n#tom welling#tom welling x reader#tom welling x female reader#tom welling x fem reader#tom welling fluff#tom welling angst#tom welling smut#clark kent smut#tom welling x you#tom welling x y/n#smallville fluff#smallville smut#smallville x reader
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❛❛ ⛸️ + 🏒 ❞
fuck you, christopher sturniolo
✎ t.w.: sexual tension!
you sighed, throwing your books in your bag. what was the point of studying until you felt physically nauseous if the maximum you could get was always a C?
you didn't understand: you did everything you could think of to memorise and understand the stuff you had to study for your exams, yet it wasn't enough. it never was.
"hey! how..." your roommate turned to face you with a big smile on her face, holding proudly her exam sheet with a big red A written on top of it. her smile faded as soon as she saw your disappointed expression, her eyes falling to the piece of paper you had abandoned carelessly on your desk. "oh, baby..." she cooes, her hand rubbing comfortingly your arm. "it's fine, next time it'll go better, yeah?"
you shake your head, the weight of disappointment sitting heavily on your stomach. you sighed before saying, "i need to get some air. i'll see you at the rink, yeah?"
cherry sighed, but she nodded nevertheless. she whispered a soft "okay," then let go of your arm as you got up and left the room.
the halls were, as always, crowded as fuck. normally it wouldn't bother you one bit, but today...yeah, today you were pissed, to say the least. you just couldn't help it, negativity radiating from every cell of your body.
your original plan of going outside to cool your brain quickly changed, your feet bringing you elsewhere, completely out of your jurisdiction. and before you knew it, you stood at the perimeter of the ice rink, watching as a bunch of hockey players glided left and right across the arena.
your eyes caught the jersey of a man sliding right in front of you, the name "STURNIOLO", the number 3 standing proudly below it.
"yo, ice baby" chris took off his helmet right as the coach blew in the whistle, signaling the end of the practice. your friend shook his head left and right, droplets of sweat flying around. you mentally thanked the presence of the thick plastic walls between you two. chris got out of the rink, stomping his feet to reach you without losing balance.
he sat on the bench near you, putting the helmet down. "so? what are you doing here? you don't have lesson for another hour and a half."
you shrugged, sitting down beside him. "just had to get some fresh air."
chris eyed you, analyzing your face. he clearly didn't buy your lie, and he was determined to find out what was going on in your mind. "yeah, no kid, spill the truth or something cause i'm not buying your bullshit."
you groaned annoyed, well aware that he wasn't going to let it go until he had an answer. sighing, you got up, walking back and forth while explaining to him how frustrated you were at yourself cause no matter how hard you studied, nothing seemed to work and you felt like you were just loosing time.
chris didn't speak, letting you ramble on and on about your problem, eventually nodding to signal that he was, in fact, listening. you took a big breath once you finished talking, feeling definitely better. maybe cherry was right when she told you that speaking does, indeed, help.
"you do know that matt took the same exam, right?"
taken aback by his question, you didn't answer him: did he? he probably took it the year before, cause there was no way you never noticed him. you shook your head, sitting down in front of your friend.
he hummed, shrugging before casually saying "he did. passed with a straight A, maybe he can help you."
"i..."
"it's fine, really. i'll talk to him at dinner, yeah? don't worry, baby, you're gonna ace it." and just like that, he got up from the bench, grabbing his helmet before ruffling your hair and heading outside.
"hey! aren't you gonna shower or something?" you called out, watching confused as chris turned around briefly, exclaiming "water's out!" before closing the door behind him.
you furrowed your brows, clearly not expecting it. you decided to check for yourself, walking towards the door that lead to the locker room.
as you entered the room, you didn't notice the lonely gym bag hiding behind the door, its content spilling from the open zipper. you kept walking towards the showers, wanting to check the water pressure from one of the sinks there.
as you opened the door, steam engulfed you whole, blocking your view. from one of the open showers emerged matt, wrapped in a white towel. you stood frozen at the door, not knowing what to do, but with one thought in mind: fuck you, christopher sturniolo.
right as you turned around to run away from there, matt's eyes caught yours, freezing you on the spot. you couldn't help but admire the way drops of water dripped from his long hair, falling on his face and neck, running down to his exposed torso. and god, was he well sculpted. your mouth dried at the sight, your heart drumming in your ribcage. your hands itched with the want–no, the need– to touch him, to explore his body with your fingers, drawing every crevice and dip and curve of his abs.
"jesus," you whispered softly, almost inaudible, catching yourself in the act and hoping he didn't hear anything. luckily for you, he didn't. and if he did, he acted like he didn't.
he cleared his throat, smirking as your eyes snapped back to his face. "anything you like, baby?" he asked, stepping closer to you to grab another smaller towel he had placed on the sink earlier. he ran said towel through his hair, trying to absorbe as much water as possible, all while not breaking eye contact. for the first time, you asked yourself if he called you by your name or if he meant it as a pet name. either way, you didn't like how much it affected you.
"i- i'm sorry i didn't know you were here," you stuttered embarrassed, trying to regain some decency back.
he bit back a smile, genuinely amused by the situation. "clearly," he murmured, watching you struggle to not let your eyes fall back on his body. he decided to pull a little trick on you, glancing down quickly at his body knowing that the immediate reaction he would get would be a mirror of his own act. and, indeed, your eyes travelled down his body instinctively, a natural reflex of your own body betraying you.
you mentally cursed yourself, realising too late what had just happened. however, you couldn’t help but stare, noticing only now the tent hiding beneath his towel. you didn’t know if it was the steam, matt’s presence or your own arousal, but your mind began fogging like crazy, leaving you dizzy and unstable on your legs. matt took a couple steps towards you, your feet moving backwards until your back hit the cold tile wall of the shower room, effectively trapping you.
you could feel the heat radiating from his body clouding your senses, turning your brain in mush.
“matt-” you gasped, his blue eyes burning holes into your skin from the intensity of his gaze. he slowly raised his hand, caressing so delicately your cheek the same way you would touch a ceramic doll, delicate and careful in fear it might break. you closed your eyes at the contact, so delicate and warm yet so wrong and rushed. you swallowed hard before managing to croak out a soft “what are you…”
at the sound of your voice matt seemed to snap back to reality, his hand dropping by his side. the bubble of tension suddenly bursted, bringing you both back to reality, cold chills running through your arms. “shit, i-” he sighed, running a hand on his face, “you should probably go.”
you stood there paralyzed for a couple more seconds, watching as he turned around and walked away. you nodded slowly to no one in particular before running through the door, leaving the locker room. as soon as the chilled air of the halls hit your face you started breathing again, releasing a breath you didn’t know you were holding.
and as you walked towards your room, only one image crossed your mind, repeating on loop: matt sturniolo half naked in front of you, aching to touch you.
© stvrnioloslvt
𝐃𝐎 𝐍𝐎𝐓 𝐂𝐎𝐏𝐘 𝐀𝐍𝐃/𝐎𝐑 𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐀𝐋 𝐌𝐘 𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐊. 𝐈𝐍𝐒𝐏𝐎 𝐈𝐒 𝐅𝐈𝐍𝐄 𝐀𝐒 𝐋𝐎𝐍𝐆 𝐀𝐒 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐆𝐈𝐕𝐄 𝐂𝐑𝐄𝐃𝐈𝐓
ও a.n: hi guys, i'm so sorry i haven't posted in a while, i have a shit ton of exams to take and way too little time to write :(
ও anyway, hope you liked the little sexual tension between those two, i sure has hell had fun writing it! as always, you're more than welcome in my comments/inbox to ask questions, requests, etc.
ও also... look how cute this little thing is! it's a fennec fox, and i feel like it embodies 100% baby's personality, cute as fuck but also wild and not too keen on physical contact. in love with it, honestly.
love you all, bree ☾
icy taglist: @shadowthesim @sturnioloszn @sofieeeeex @m4ttg1rl @marrykisskilled @thecrawlys @x0x0bunny @izzylovesmatt @sturniolosweets @sturnslutz @user1smvtysturniolo @gabrielaperez11
#©stvrnioloslvt au[hockeyplayer!matt]#© stvrnioloslvt#🏒hockeyplayer!matt#⛸️figureskater!reader#sturniolo triplets#sturniolo fanfic#matt sturniolo#the sturniolo triplets#sturniolo tumblr#matt stuniolo fanfic#matt sturniolo smut#matt sturniolo x reader#matt x reader#matthew sturniolo#matthew bernard sturniolo#matthew sturniolo x reader
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Study session||Charles Leclerc xGender neutral!adhd!reader
Summary — after hours of trying to study and failing Charles swoops in and helps you get through it.
Word count—713
A/n I used both fem!reader male!reader and gn!reader tags
You sat at your desk, staring blankly at the pages of your textbook. Your notes were scattered in disorganized piles, highlighters of every color rolling around your workspace, but none of it was helping. you flipped the same page for the third time, but the words swam before your eyes, refusing to sink in. Your leg bounces uncontrollably under the desk, and your fingers tapped against the edge of the chair as your mind wandered.
What was I even trying to study again?
you reached for your phone out of habit, scrolling through social media for a brief escape. The timer she’d set to keep you on track went off, startling you, and you groaned in frustration. Fifteen minutes gone, and you’ve done absolutely nothing.
Charles walked in just as you buried your face in your hands, muttering under your breath. He stopped in his tracks, taking in the scene—the mess of papers, your slumped posture, and the tension radiating off you. He set his water bottle down on the counter and approached you cautiously, his footsteps soft against the floor.
“Amour,” he said gently, his voice full of concern. “What’s going on?”
you didn't lift your head. “I can’t do this, Charles. I’ve been sitting here for hours, and I’ve made zero progress. My brain just doesn’t work like this.”
He crouched beside your chair, tilting his head to meet your eyes. “What do you mean?”
Y/N sighed, dropping your hands to your lap. “I can’t stay focused. I read the same thing over and over, and it still doesn’t stick. Then I get frustrated, and I just give up. It’s like my brain wants to do anything but study. And the exam is so close… I’m panicking.”
Charles frowned, his heart aching for you. He hated seeing you so stressed, especially when he knew how hard you were trying. “Okay,” he said after a moment, his tone calm and steady. “Let’s take a breath. First, you’re not stupid, and you’re not hopeless. You just need a different way to study. I think I can help.”
you looked at him skeptically. “You? You want to help me study?”
“Yes,” he said with a confident smile. “I’m good under pressure, remember? And I have a few tricks up my sleeve.”
Before you could protest, Charles stood up and started tidying your desk, stacking your notes into neat piles and pushing the random highlighters aside. Then, he grabbed a set of flashcards from your stack of materials and pulled your chair closer to the desk so you faced him.
“Alright, that’s the plan,” he said, sitting down across from you. “We’re going to break this down into small chunks. You answer five questions, and then we take a two-minute break. During the break, you can ask me anything you want—about racing, my worst crashes, my favorite tracks. Whatever keeps you motivated. Deal?”
Y/N hesitated, your fingers twisting together nervously. “I don’t know, Charles. What if I still can’t focus?”
He reached out, taking your hand in his and giving it a reassuring squeeze. “Then we’ll find another way. But we’ll do it together. You’re not alone in this, Y/N.”
Your chest tightened at his words, but this time it wasn’t from anxiety. you nodded slowly. “Okay. Let’s try it.”
They started with the flashcards, and true to his word, Charles kept the energy light and encouraging. When you struggled to answer a question, he didn’t let you spiral into frustration. Instead, he’d rephrase it, guiding you to the answer without making you feel overwhelmed.
“See? You knew that one,” he said with a proud smile when you got the third question right.
“Only because you practically spoon-fed me the answer,” youshot back with a teasing smile.
“Details,” he said with a playful shrug. “The important thing is that you’re learning.”
When they reached the end of the first set, he held up his hands. “Break time! Alright, your turn. Ask me anything.”
Y/N leaned back in your chair, grinning for the first time that day. “Okay, fine. What’s the most embarrassing thing that’s ever happened to you during a race?”
Charles groaned dramatically, covering his face with his hands. “Ah, that’s not fair! You know my ego will never recover.”
#charles leclerc x female reader#charles leclerc x male reader#charles leclerc x you#charles leclerc blurb#charles leclerc drabble#charles leclerc fluff#charles leclerc one shot#charles leclerc x reader#charles leclerc imagine#charles leclerc#charles leclerc x yn#formula one imagine#f1 x reader#formula one x reader#formula one x you#formula one x y/n#f1 x gn!reader#gender neutral reader#f1
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The past week
• Christmas Day was good. I ate so much good food and saw some of my friends. I also got to take leftovers.
• The main break is over but my sister is here and I don’t see any studying getting done. She’s leaving on the 5th and if I don’t study at all until then it’ll be tough. I find it hard to do my regularly scheduled stuff when there’s a huge change in my space, like an entire person constantly in my room haha.
#fighting for my life#spending time with family always reminds me how not agreeable I can be#everything seems to irk me for no reason#I need to be better omg#studyinspo#studyspo#university#study#study motivation#study hard#study tumblr#study blog#studyblr#exam season#study update
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Okay I might just be reading too much into this. But while I was watching the episode *cough cough* procrastinating *cough cough I realised that they don't show how the Doctor and Ruby got there.
And I know that it's probably just meant to be vaguely like 'they just went for fun'.
BUT this is the third episode in a row where we haven't seen them arrive. And for 73 yards it was clearly a doctor who episode when it started but it immediately gets rid of the doctor. ( I know that for 73 yards and for dot and bubble it was because Ncuti Gatwa was filming other stuff but let me cook) In Dot and Bubble you could effectively be forgiven for assuming that it was a random Black Mirror episode or something similar until the Doctor turns up, and tbh if you were just flicking through channels and haven't been watching Doctor Who you could probably basically not know for much longer. In Rogue they are just there, except for the title screen (the same for dot and bubble) you could basically watch it as a Bridgerton episode until the Chuldur turn up.
(And there's whole other rant about how the Chuldur fits into the theory about this basically being a TV show within a TV show, I don't know the name for this theory)
But anyway these episodes are increasingly separated from the Doctor and Ruby as plot points particularly in the beginning of episodes. They are more and more like an excuse to tell the story or explore the topic that the writers want to explore. Which isn't totally different from the occasional episode of previous series, but this is a lot more in my memory at least from previous series. So it feels a lot like they are skimming over the more sci-fi doctor who elements. Which fits in in my mind to the idea that the 'One who waits' is a representation of story telling. I've seen theories that it's Ruby but she doesn't know it which makes sense, I think it would also make sense for it to be her parent(s) who left her, or alternatively just it's own thing all together. But it feels very like that bit where Amy is living a life and starts to realise it's all fake.
The narrowing down of these episodes into not showing them arriving, and at least in Rogue - I can't remember in the others - not showing them leaving the story, feels very different.
It feels more and more like story telling. They have covered fairy tales, Period pieces/Romance, Dystopia, War/SciFi, Musicals, Political Drama. They are also showing the doctor playing his role, something that we see companions doing often enough but we seldom see the doctor doing it.
In Space Babies he is scared of a new creature. In the Devil's Code he sings a song that makes little sense in the story, he doesn't question the road making noise. In Boom he's more himself but it's also the closes to his 'normal' environment. In 73 Yards they just fully remove him from the story, which I realise was done for filming requirements but would have been so interesting to see the doctor in a Political drama. In Dot and Bubble he plays the role of the outsider bringing information to those living under a Dystopia, how is he UNABLE to access the inside, sure he plays a role that's fairly similar to himself but Doctor Who is really Dystopian.
In Rogue he is becoming more and more his role, he is playing the role of a sort of Elizabeth Bennet style character, a strong romantic interest for the brooding man. Which is great, he makes fun of the genre, but he is hyper aware of the genre and still ends up in its pitfalls. He trusts a man so quickly he ends up handing over his sonic, he gets proposed to and basically immediately accepts. Now I am really hoping that Rogue gets to stay around I really liked him as a character, regardless of which theory of his identity if any are true. But the Doctors reaction to him is still a little out of character, he is feeling what he is SUPPOSED to feel and he is acting how he is SUPPOSED to act.
It just feels to me like an increasing number of these episodes are more and more story like and more and more separated from the more Doctor Who elements. And the lack of an introduction of how they get there, and the lack of them leaving in the TARDIS is so unusual to me and stands out to my brain so much.
It feels like they are removing elements that don't fit the genre. Anyway not sure if that makes any sense but I'm vibing with it.
#15th Doctor#Rogue#Doctor Who#I am meant to be studying - Like i have a paper and exam due tomorrow#this is not a good use of my time but I also need to yap#I have been cooking way too hard on the stuff that just doesn't need to be done#Anyway please tell me which bits are making me sound like an idiot coz I don't think I've had a coherent thought since exams started#I did not realise how long this post was getting#Doctor Who Rogue#Rogue is hot too#I might be going insane but#Theres heaps of yap in this I'm so sorry I let it get away from me#Doctor Who theory#dw meta#73 yards#doctor who series 14#susan twist#space babies#And this doesn't even get me started on Susan Twist who was like#a. partially hiredfor her amazing last name#and b. the song being 'there's always a twist at the end' and then her name always being in the credits#oooo so good
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I thought my "struggling to get anything done until its very very late at night, and only for a few hours, after a full day of fatigue and laziness" behavior was a recent thing, in the wake of graduating and being unemployed and out of schooling, but its been at the very least 5 years because I made a comic about this when i was still IN college.
#talkys#like i thought the issue was no structure or routine in my life anymore#but even in college when id have 8 am class the next day id still struggle#though i also thought/think that was just senioritis. and it never went away even after graduation.#bc i rly tanked hard at the end there. like i got to a point where i didnt care anymore id do stuff like study for a huge exam 15 minutes#before walking into it and just hoped i retained enough from the 5 mins of memorization#this is distressing for me to realize LOL i rly thot it was the lack of routine....but its just Been Like This.....#every day loafing then crawling to my desk really late and still being unable to draw#then finally getting a burst of energy an hour before needing to sleep‚ promising myself ill get started earlier tomorrow#and then not doing that bc i just feel so tired all day again. mooooooo
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Just watched Black Friday by Starkid, and now I'm wondering which Fear this would be a manifestation of. (I think Extinction would probably be in there, but what else?)
Actually, what would *all* the starkid productions be?
Nerdy Prudes Must Die would have at least a bit of Hunt... The Guy Who Didn't Like Musicals would have some Corruption...
#starkid#team starkid#hatchetfield#hatchetverse#black friday starkid#nerdy prudes must die#the guy who didn't like musicals#the magnus archives#magnus archives#tma#tma entities#next week i have my semester exams but shhhhhhhhhhh i dont need to study i need to fall facefirst into a new fandom#I tried so hard to not join the Dracula daily so that i could actually do my study but now i've just found something else to occupy my brai#i have so many fucking exams this is not good for me#but FUCK cellular biochemistry. I don't *care* what the molecules are doing. stop making me memorise amino acids!#I just have to wait... until it's all anatomy and actually *interesting* stuff#i haven't even Started studying chemistry. but that exam is the week after next. so i have time#i don't enjoy chemistry
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how do you study for such long hours? 12-16 hours? i tend to tire out after 8 hours.
bc if i'm not top of the class then what's the point. duhh
#my sincere answer is i have a degree in biochemistry#i've trained myself over a long period of time to do 8 hour study days#my stamina is probably just not like the average person's#i also break them down into blocks. 2 or 3 or 4 hour blocks idk. depends on what i have to do for the day#i also genuinely love academia and it's not hard for me to turn my phone off and throw it in a river#just so i could be engrossed in books all day#i love science i love studying i romanticize it easily i love challenging myself etc#also 12 hour and 16 hours r kinda overkill if you're not cramming for a national exam and u only have 2 weeks#i usually don't feel the need to surpass 8 hours unless i'm doing intense study camps#at the end of the day studying is a sport just like anything else#id say if ur needing to do 12 hr study days on the reg tho maybe assess ur efficiency#someone can study 8 hours a day every day but only truly be studying for like 2 hours
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#you know I really do love it when your teachers take you aside and look you dead in the eye and say that you're not trying hard enough#like dude I am trying. I spent four hours every day of my break aside from Christmas Eve and Christmas Day studying#I'm sorry that I can't remember this specific Sanscrit word or specificall when Aristotle was born but dear God I'm trying#please don't say I'm not putting in enough effort#let alone tell me that on the Big Exams where I don't get a re-do I'll barely pass#because you *are* making me feel like I know nothing#and discouraging me is going to do no good for my memory#and now I'm crying over the fact I can't identify a fucking subordinate clause and the head word in a noun phrase#because yeah that's the absolute basics and I could do it two weeks ago and now I can't and that means I am not trying hard enough#I'm academically useless and absolutely pitiful#and if I don't do well they'll put me in extra classes again which I don't have time for nor do I need because they never help in the way#that I need help#one day back at school and I'm already contemplating just saying I'm sick again#I don't know#I don't want to be here
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#I can't believe my computer broke just a couple of days before the new chapter came out.#Not to be dramatic or anything but this was my last straw#It means everything to me 😭😭😭 My puter has my whole life in in. And endless resources of everything#That's why people tell you to backup stuff 🤦🤦🤦#Okay before I get too dramatic it's not gone like I can turn it on just fine.#Except there's no cursor to be found anywhere and I can't find a way to fix it#(Yeah it's not the f4 key I've tried that. Repeatedly)#So since there's no way to turn the puter off without mouse I had to kill it the hard way 4-5 times today#(aka every time I tried turning it on again in hope everything got fixed on its own)#And when I turned it on again five minutes ago. IT DIDN'T START NORMALLY. AND IT ASKED THE SYSTEM LANGUAGE AND STUFF#I lost like. Half my lifespan. I was terrified it got formatted out of nowhere and I had lost everything#It didn't. It seemingly is fine (from what I can see from my desktop).#But man I really didn't need this kind of stress on top of average exams depression#Idk what to do... I want to go to the guy in my dorm who studies computer science but it'd be the third time I ask him for help–#and I'm a little embarrassed now. Asking for help sucks in general#But I don't have money to pay consultation...#I think there is a chance my touchpad just worn out since. Like. I use my computer extensively#But even that seems a little excessive? Not even the buttons work. I've only had this computer for three or four years...#Anyways I don't have a physical mouse. And I can't spend money to buy it when there's a chance that wouldn't fix the problem. Ughhhhhhhhhh#random rambles#If I stop posting in the next days. It's simply because I can't 😭😭😭#Goodbye people please keep posting ss kk for me
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idk how to live so im going to talk to myself out loud until i do
#listen. take a deep breath. i know your bpm is high but you need to think with me for a second.#remember that you are paper thin. all your facets are sheets of paper and what you gave her is just another one.#make a new one. you dont need it. you dont need her to see you. i know you think you need her but you will be okay. i know its hard.#you wish you could have shown her how you loved her. listen to yourself. you are made of paper.#she might be concrete or maybe wood or maybe gold. you need to start laying your roots elsewhere. shut that thought down#and blink and listen. the parts you keep thinking of arent lost. they still happened and they are yours to keep.#there is beauty in this loss. tell me about the beauty in this loss. its okay to think about it. you got to see it all and nothing more#and this is great because it would have been bad. you know it would be violent in a way you dont need. you know this to be true.#you are going to look at that empty space in her shape and youre going to fill it with everything that happened when you knew her.#the memories with her but then also the the way your friends talked you through it. the game with the clovers.#your first allergic reaction you almost died and you couldnt stop laughing and you were held so close to their hearts.#learning the names for all the floursecent gene tracking dyes that everyone else knows already. about the exam - listen again.#i know you think if you fail your life is over but you need to try your best. youre not going to get a good grade in a uni test for the fir#youre going to make up for it. youre going to make sure you make up for it. do you understand? i love you. you have to do this.#right now you need to sit up. breathe. i know your heart hurts. go to the living room. grab something to eat. i dont care if you feel full.#youre going to clean your mattress heater. youre going to study a bit longer and then youre going to sleep. youre going to tell your mother#im sorry and i might genuinely fail a test. shes going to tell you its okay. if you do badly in this course you can just become a neurosurg#just agree. dont argue right now. its okay. youre okay. you are paper thin. i know any puncture hurts.#breathe. think of your friends. think of their hands in yours. it isnt eternal.youve lived through worse. the empty sky is still beautiful.#the lack of her is still beautiful
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actually if i fail this exam in two days it will be an epic and subtle sodapop curtis reference and not an academic failure at all. the [redacted] markers simply do not understand my outsiders swag
#it's my last exam for a class that doesn't matter so it's so hard to make myself study#and if i quite possibly also have undiagnosed adhd that's also neither here nor there.#it's also very hard to make myself care enough to give me the adrenaline rush 24 hours before that i usually use to get any studying time i#due to the aforementioned not mattering#ah well. i calculated and i only need like 20% to pass the class so if i pass the class i'll be happy#if not i'll be vaguely disappointed but i have 90s in everything else this semester so no skin off my nose#anyway. back to studying#og#personal#the outsiders#sodapop curtis#barely justifiable to tag this as those but alas the blog organizational system demands what it demands
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while I’m very excited that I’m able to be happy while drawing again it’s at the expense of getting literally nothing else done. which is a problem.
#Got 2. Actually 3 [maybe a surprise 4th?] exams over the next 4 days…. Ah. I’ll be ok.#I’ve done nothing but draw and read frieren. So i also did not finish the bunny ask I wanted to finish…. Oh well.#Time management is really hard. Idk how it’s 9pm already. I need to go study.#I’ll probably cut myself off from art until all this is sorted out lol. Wish me luck
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yay i got an A on that chem exam i was really worried about!!!!!
#pomodoriwhines#i hope the final goes well next week aaaaa#i studied p hard for this test but i just know that the final is going to be difficult. i have flashcards#for now i just gotta get my beautiful presentation done for tomorrow and then i can worry about studying for the chem final#tbh i dont actually need to do that well on it in order to improve my grade. prof is being v nice and letting folks drop their lowest exam#IF their final is higher than any of their other exams. and if its worse than the exams he drops the final instead#so thats v nice of him. theres only 1 exam i completely bombed#the other one i did poorly on was bc of a time limit! nd i still passed it ok. but it was more of a scrape than i usually like lmao
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finals are coming. i do not understand quantum numbers. i do not understand undetermined coefficients. matt bellamy save me. dom howard save me. chris wolstenholme save me.
#i post#starting my reviewing a million years earlier than everyone else bc i need it#i am Stupid and i can't just cram and bullshit things on the exam and pass like a lot of my classmates can#fortunately i actually like what i study so having that discipline isn't too hard
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cant stress how obsessed i am with yamaguchis shirt
#snap chats#this is rgg related because i said so shut up ANYWAY#i DID steal this from twitter but i need to share it every with everyone so im not sorry#the person i stole this from rt'd a photoset from themselves and in it motomiya wearing The Silliest outfit ever#but ive already shared too much. ive already gone off topic too much we're moving on#i will bookmark it tho cause it makin me giggle#anyway if you cant read it. and id be so happy to type out what it says.#it says 'can't miss it!! you've got to go to nepal they have a big festival called Maha Shivaratri full moon night in february'#dont know why it makes me giggle it just does. like fuck man maybe i SHOULD go to nepal in february <- maha shivaratri is in march next yea#anyway everyone be nice to me today i have a spanish exam later and it Should be easy#but i was fighting god and the devil last night trying to sleep because my cramps decided to kick my ass EXTRA hard#I NEVER GET BAD CRAMPS WHYYYY DID IT HAVE TO BE BEFRE AN EXAM WHEN I NEED GOOD SLEEP !!!!!!#im lucky my spanish class is in the evening but god it was so painful#the last time i experienced pain as bad as that was when i was trying to sleep after busting my wrist#so awful.... i hurt a lil now but i'll get through it#ok bye let me study up just to reaffirm some Spanish Knowledge with myself
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