#there was a guy in fact there was more than one and several thousand tumblr users said we are going to do factions about this

[sunforgrace]

say what you will about supernatural the crowd boos and they’re right to but one thing about supernatural is it will provide a guy of all time

[companion-of-the-dragonmark]

When Was the First Kingdom of the Wilderwest Built? (HTTYD Books)

Hello, my fellow Dragonmarkers! It's been awhile! As promised, here's the article concerning the plausible timeline of the Kingdom of the Wilderwest. This article was actually a very old one of mine that I had written during this month in 2018. Why didn't I post it on here? Because I wasn't on Tumblr until 2020. And by then, I had forgotten to post this on here. Whoops. Teehee. 😜

When did Hiccup the First end the First Human-Dragon War and built the First Kingdom of the Wilderwest?

Many fans just go with what Wodensfang says in Book 11, supporting the 1000-Year Dynasty mentioned in Book 11 rather than the 500-700-Year Dynasty suggested in Book 9. In fact, it's everywhere in the HTTYD Wiki. I guess it's because fans view Book 11 to be more accurate because it's a later book? I don't know; maybe I'm thinking too hard about this.

But I want to talk through this and thoroughly go through the pros and cons of both sides of the argument and do this right. I'd love to know what you guys think about this.

Anyway, on to the topic!  

Possible Contradiction?:

In the First Book — the Book that we're all familiar with — in Chapter 6, Page 68, says that:

"The Dragon (speaking of the Green Death) had crawled down into the depths of the ocean and had gone into a Sleep Coma. Dragons can stay in this suspended state for eternity, half-dead, half-alive, buried under fathom after fathom of icy-cold seawater. Not a muscle of this particular Dragon had moved for six or seven centuries."

Wodensfang's account of Hiccup the First in Book 9 "How to Steal a Dragon's Sword", on Chapter 12, Page 203, seems to probably confirm this when he says: "Five or six centuries ago, when I was young, it was a very dark age, and the dragons and humans were at war."

He goes on further explanation in Page 208 concerning the Green Death: "...Merciless flew to the north, and to the Open Sea. He lived so long a loner that perhaps over the centuries he forgot his youth as leader of a dragon army and became quite an ordinary killer. Rumor was that several hundred years later, he was known only as the Green Death, one of the many monsters that terrorize the Deep Sea."

So you're probably saying, "Great! There it is! There's your answer! It was 600-700 years ago! Problem solved, right?"

Wrong.

In Book 11 "How to Betray a Dragon's Hero", on Chapter 6, Page 98, Wodensfang tells the story of how the Dragonmark came to be, as well as a more detailed history of the Kingdom of the Wilderwest and the story of Grimbeard the Ghastly as a boy, and how he changed the Mark. 

He says at the beginning of the story: "Once upon a time, Hiccup, a thousand or so years ago, when I was young and about the size of a Saber-Toothed Driver Dragon, I met your ancestor, Hiccup Horrendous Haddock the First, and I gave him the Dragon Jewel and trusted him with the Jewel's Secret."

In Page 100, Wodensfang repeats this by saying: "For over a thousand years, it seemed like I had made the right decision to entrust the Secret of the Dragon Jewel to the humans."

I know right? I'm as confused as you are! Didn't he say in Book 9 that it was "five or six centuries ago"? Maybe even SEVEN centuries ago? Why the change? Did he suddenly get the Dragon equivalent of memory loss due to old age? Does he not know how to count?

Here's the confusing thing: if he was rounding, this might explain it. But the thing is that you can do it with small numbers, but as the number gets bigger, you can't round up in great jumps.

(Warning: Math Ahead!)

For example, say that the number is 8, you round it up to 10 (in certain circumstances) because 8 is closer to 10 than 5. However, if it's 6, then you have to round down to 5 because 6 is closer to 5. The only time that it doesn't is when you're rounding up in percentages (55.678594375 would be 56, for example).

You can't round up to 1000 years from 600, or even 700. That's too high of a jump. Especially when you're telling a historical account. For one thing, it's inaccurate, and for another, it's lazy. And it'll spread lots of confusion.

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A Roman Piece to a Nordic Puzzle | The Hint's in the Roman Numerals: 

So then, which is it? Was the Kingdom of the Wilderwest built 600-700 years ago or 1000-odd years ago? 

First off, allow me to redirect your attention once more to the references concerning the Green Death (also known as Merciless):

The Green Death Takes His Tea by Crownflame on DeviantArt

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"The Dragon (speaking of the Green Death) had crawled down into the depths of the ocean and had gone into a Sleep Coma. Dragons can stay in this suspended state for eternity, half-dead, half-alive, buried under fathom after fathom of icy-cold seawater. Not a muscle of this particular Dragon had moved for six or seven centuries." 

And this one:

  ". . .Merciless flew to the north, and to the Open Sea. He lived so long a loner that perhaps over the centuries he forgot his youth as leader of a dragon army and became quite an ordinary killer. Rumor was that several hundred years later, he was known only as the Green Death, one of the many monsters that terrorize the Deep Sea." 

According to these two quotes concerning the Dragon Merciless, it would appear that the events were about roughly 600 years ago. The problem is that the first quote says he had been in a Sleep Coma for six or seven centuries. I don't know about you, but that doesn't seem like a lot of time to me for him to have forgotten his past and about his nemesis Hiccup. It sounds like in the latter quote, Merciless lived and journeyed alone for a long time — about 100-200 years or more — before he fell into a Sleep Coma.

What might help support this is the mention of what he had eaten in Book 1, Page 129: "He was awake now, and he had coughed up the last thing he had eaten, the Eagle Standard of the Eighth Legion, with its pathetic ribbons still flying bravely."

Now, yes, the HTTYD books are exaggeratory and any historical references are "purely coincidental," and that the Roman Dragonrustlers were about during Hiccup the Third's time (but after Book 3 was said to have fled back to Rome — which is inaccurate because Hiccup's time was during the Viking Age, over 300 years after the fall of the Roman Empire. However, I have a theory that'll explain that in the future). 

But what if we DID get historical here? According to history, the only 8th Legion in Roman history was the Legio VIII Augusta, one of the oldest Roman legions in Rome's history (along with the Legio VI Feratta, Legio VII Claudia, and the (in)famous Legio IX Hispana). They were stationed in Gaul (modern France) near the modern-day Strasbourg area (called Argentoratum in Roman times). It was founded in 65 BC by Julius Caesar during the Gaul Wars. It continued service presumedly until either before or until the Fall of Rome (400-500 AD). 

Of course, since it continued service until that time period, then it's impossible for the Green Death to have eaten the Legion, right?

As Old Wrinkly used to say: "It's not im-POSSIBLE, only im-PROBABLE. The only thing that limits us are the limits to our imaginations." 

So, taking this sagely advice, let's think about this carefully.

According to Roman history, the Eighth Legion was disbanded during the first of Rome's Civil Wars (called Caesar's Civil War and the conflict was between Caesar and Scipio) soon after the Battle and Siege of Thapsus (modern-day Tunisia) in 46 BC for unknown reasons. It was reconstituted in 44 BC by Caesar's adopted son Augustus for Caesar's veterans who had loyally served him and helped him defeat Mark Antony and gain power as Rome's first Emperor.

So basically, there's a two-year gap between the disbandment and the reinstation of the Eighth Legion, which means that Merciless could've easily have eaten the Legion during that time and nobody would've been the wiser, and when Augustus reinstated the Legion two years later, he filled the ranks with other veterans who had served Caesar and Augustus.

What do you think? Plausible?

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Possible Connection to Dragon-Aging and Dates in the Book of Dragons:

Now, in Book 1, in the back of the How to Train Your Dragon book that Hiccup reads (similar to the Book of Dragons in the film) in Chapter 4 on Page 53-58, it says that the last stamped due-date was on "16 May 866 AD". The first and second due-dates stamped on there before that were "10 June 789 AD" and "9 April 835 AD".

However, there's no mention of when that book was borrowed, or when it was returned, or the gap between the date and when Gobber the Belch had burgled it from the Meathead "Public" Library. The Hooligans seemed to have had the book for a while. So the current date of the time of Hiccup's first memoir could be anywhere from 866-900 AD — if not later! 

Suffering Scallops, it could even be in the 1000s AD!!! In Book 7, Hiccup writes in his epilogue that: "Now I am an old, old man, and the world that I created has no need for dragons. They have retreated from the civilization that I brought, along with the wolves, and the Berserks, and the monsters of my childhood."

In 1015 AD, Berserkers were outlawed, and the practice of "going berserk" as a profession and the rituals involving their cults were forbidden until by the turn of the 12th century, Berserkers had all but disappeared from human history. The end of the Viking Age was considered to be between 1066-1100 AD, so, scallops, Hiccup could very well have lived during this time.

(This could explain the crossbows in the TV series, as they were beginning to show up around this time, as well as Hiccup's quote in the first film: "300 years and I'm the first Viking who wouldn't kill a dragon!") 

And, in Book 12, Hiccup also explains in his epilogue that Sea-Dragons like Toothless can live for thousands of years, so maybe 1000-year period might be correct? There's no mention about the other sea dragons, apparently, so I guess they don't live nearly as long?

The problem is the period of growth in the Sea-Dragons. Wodensfang was probably of-age by the time he meets Hiccup the First, and he was "the size of a Saber-Toothed Driver Dragon" then. Then, as the decades and centuries went by and the Kingdom prospered, he grew to be "as large as a mountain". Then he says that hundreds of years ago, he began to "shrink in old age", as Sea-Dragons are small in young and old ages, but in adult stages they're colossal, until he shrunk to the "size of a large Viking hunting dog (probably a Norwegian Elkhound, which lived during this time and was used mainly as a guard and hunting dog)" during the time of Grimbeard the Ghastly. By Hiccup the Third's time a hundred years later, he shrunk to the size of Toothless.

Furious was still considered a baby during Hiccup the Second's time, but grew to be the size of a small elephant. Then 100 years later, he became the size of a mountain, when it doesn't seem that Wodensfang grew that big that quickly (though, to be fair, the Berserks had been feeding him well with human sacrifices for the past 100 years, among other foods, so he probably grew to be that big because of it.) He must've had an early growth spurt. lol 😂

That being said, the reason Furious and Wodensfang have different growing speeds may be likely due to Furious having been fed well since his hatchling days. Whereas it's hinted by Wodensfang himself that he's had a difficult life in his younger days, which is one of the reasons he joins Merciless' rebellion against the Vikings. So the struggle for food could've stunted his growth until he met Hiccup the First later on, at which point he grew faster as more food was available.

Meanwhile, there's Toothless, who's a baby, and has been the size of Wodensfang since the first book, and, according to Hiccup in his epilogue in Book 12, hasn't really grown up at all despite it being 62 years since the events of Book 12 (which if Hiccup was 10-11 when he got Toothless in Book 1, this would make Toothless 65-66 years old by Hiccup's death) and is still able to sleep on his chest. 

He must be a late bloomer. lol 😂

Then there's the Green Death — or Merciless — to consider. While he was Furious's size during Hiccup the First's time, and was considered to be a young dragon, then several centuries later, if not more, when he meets Hiccup the Third, he's still the same size! Do Sleep Comas delay aging and growth or something?

So basically we have FOUR Sea-Dragons who grow and age at various speeds! So I don't think we can glean anything from this.

So . . . 1000 years or 600-700 years? Honestly, I seem to get more confused the further I try to explain it! I hope you're having better luck keeping up than I am at the moment! lol 😂

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Time For a Little More Math! (cue the groans!):

Okay, I'm going to do a little more math. To be honest, graphs, charts, and basic math is the only math I love. If you don't like it, then skip if you'd like, though you'll miss out on the cool part. 😉🧐

I've done the calculations and I'll do my best with it. If there are any mistakes, please let me know and I'll correct them. 

I'll be using current time from 866-1100 AD and then add the date to when the Kingdom of the Wilderwest could've been established in Hiccup the First's time. 

I will be using the terms CTP (Current Time Period) and DFP (Dynasty Foundation Period) to avoid confusion.

Whew! Okay! Now that THAT'S done and over with, let's get to the average ages of the Kings of the Wilderwest to further prove (hopefully) which date it might've been. 

I've organized it into different sections. Before Hiccup the Third, there were 12 Kings of the Wilderwest. So I'll divide the number of years that the Dynasty could've lasted to the number of Kings to get the average lifespan that each of the Kings have to be in order for this to become plausible.

Now granted, some of these Kings could've died young (20s-30s), or very old, or in their middle-ages (pun not intended). This is the AVERAGE lifespan for each king -- not a literal statistic for each and every King. 

Unless, of course, if we were fanciful people, we might've theorized that there's some sort of magic spell in the Dragon Jewel that Wodensfang didn't mention that causes all of the Twelve Kings to die at the same age. 

In that case, if true, and if every King DOES INDEED die at the same age, then since Hiccup the Third dies at the age of 75/76, it would've been 900 years since the foundation of the Kingdom of the Wilderwest since every King would've died at the same age that Hiccup had died.

But we're not fanciful people . . . and that would be ridiculous. lol 😜

However, you're probably noticing that there are no 1000 Years among the statistics that I just showed above. That's because I had just remembered that the Kingdom of the Wilderwest collapsed a hundred years before Hiccup the Third's time. Meaning that if the Dynasty and Kingdom lasted for 1000 years, then only 900 years of that has passed as a kingdom.

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Conclusion:

So . . . WHEW! That took a long time to write (5-6 hours, though the time could've been cut in half had I not done the statistics, but then where'd be the fun in that? lol 😜)

I apologize if any of this went over your head or overwhelmed you with informational overload. If it did, then I sympathize because I'm feeling this as well — and I'm WRITING THIS! 

So my conclusion is that, basically speaking, regardless of the Kingdom being anywhere from 600-1000 years old, 100 of those years need to be subtracted since the Kingdom fell apart when Grimbeard dissolved it a hundred years prior to the current events of the Second Dragon War. So, realistically, the Kingdom — and the 12 Kings (including Grimbeard) — lasted around 500-900 years, and when Wodensfang tells Hiccup the Third about the history of the Wilderwest, he includes the 100 years into the timeframe when the Kingdom of the Wilderwest was first founded.

So I guess that, in the end, the actual date and timeline will be left up to the fans to headcanon for themselves.

If you could take anything from this, what would it be?

What current timeline do you think Hiccup the Third could be living in during the Viking Age? 900s? 1000s? 1100?

And how many years do you think that the Kingdom of the Wilderwest was established (including the 100-year gap)? 1000 years? 800? 700? 600? 

Please share your thoughts! I'd LOVE to hear from you!!! ^_^ 

Thank you SO MUCH for taking the time to read this and I am looking forward to reading any theories, corrections, suggestions, discussions, answers, and/or questions you may have. 

I hope this article finds you well, and I hope you have a splendid weekend! 

Long Live the Wilderwest!

— Companion of the Dragonmark

[katyawriteswhump]

the freak in the penthouse: the end!

E-rated (for sexual content), accidental millionaire eddie/sex-worker steve. On tumblr: Part 1 Part 2 Part 3.1 Part 3.2 Part 4.1 Part 4.2 Part 5.1 Part 5.2 Part 6.1 Part 6.2 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14 Part 15 Part 16 Part 17 or search #thefreakinthepenthouse :) On AO3

Chapter 18: Epilogue (2/2) and Happily Ever After

They passed through the hotel lobby, grinning like lovestruck morons, lost in each other’s eyes.

Odd couple didn’t even faintly capture it. Eddie was, of course, wearing a thrash metal t-shirt and a bellhop hat, while Steve sported a thousand-dollar designer suit. If they got any judgmental looks, Eddie didn’t notice any more than he cared. To these high society jerks, he might look like a flat-broke stoner. Joke on them was that the credit card Eddie had slammed on the counter was well in the black.

Vecna’s Doom Quest II had been a blockbuster hit. While he’d paid all his early royalties back to Dustin, Suzie and their charitable trusts, he and Steve had plenty of cash left over for them to live a lifestyle that… wasn’t beyond their wildest dreams, actually. So far, and with the exception of the harrowing court cases, it’d been quiet and domestic and just kinda nice.

When they approached the revolving door, Steve reached out and squeezed Eddie’s hand. Steve was always super-vigilant, looking out for him, when they were out and about in crowded places. Occasionally, Eddie also worried they were getting too responsible and middle-aged before their time.

Or maybe not.  

When they finally got back to their rented apartment, there were six messages on the answerphone:

“Dude, pick up!” Gareth whined, on the full-to-bursting tape. “Jeff’s van’s totally busted, so we’re gonna fly down and practice on your gear at the apartment. You better be ready, man.”

Ooookay. Quiet domesticity was about to be shattered.

Eddie had finally persuaded Corroded Coffin to get back together. While he army-crawled his way toward the challenge of performing live again, they’d recorded a demo and scattered-gunned it all over LA. Next week they’d gotten their first actual audition, with a lowkey Indie label.

Now, Eddie grimaced, while Steve made a beeline for the galley kitchen. While Eddie was pumped for the audition, he’d hoped they’d have a day or so more to themselves.

“Better order several crates of beer in,” muttered Steve, pausing to kick a stray drumstick out of his path. He dumped a paper bag of snaffled pastries from the hotel kitchen. “I got first dibs on the leftover cinnamon buns, before your crew eat us out of house and fucking home.”

“Look, I know you said you were fine with the band crashing here,” said Eddie, pursuing Steve across the barely visible linoleum, “you sure about that?”

“I do technically own a hotel for a few more hours.” Steve chugged back some Diet Coke then shrugged. “This place is already cluttered with your shit. I can rarely find middle C on my keyboard, so I don’t see what difference a few more sweaty bodies is gonna make, and… I get it, Eddie. If you guys wanna be real again, or whatever, capture the right vibes, you need to get back to those grass roots.”

As long as nobody smokes grass in my Babe’s apartment. Eddie wasn’t going to say that out loud, because Steve would bristle. Eddie would quietly enforce it anyway.

“Okay, feel free to change your mind,” he said. “They piss us off, I’m sure Robin can store them in your old linen closet, or something.”

Steve snickered, but genuinely seemed chill about it. In fact, his smirk segued into a grin, one hand snaking around to find that strategically placed rip in Eddie’s jeans—so yeah, basically groping Eddie’s butt-cheek. “We better make the most of our privacy, right?” he purred.

Eddie stalled only to plop back on the bellhop hat, which he’d still gotten clutched in one sweaty paw: “Your wish is my command.”

“Jesus, will you drop that shit?” Steve’s grip on Eddie’s ass tightened, and he smacked his lips to Eddie’s in an inarguably hungry kiss.

…

Steve couldn’t ever get enough of kissing Eddie. He couldn’t ever get enough of their life together.

Today, Eddie tasted of coffee and almond pastries and of… yeah, that uniquely awesome taste of Eddie. Kissing him set off the sappiest lyrics wailing in Steve’s ears. He was only sorry, as he backed Eddie out of the kitchen and toward the bedroom, that they’d not gotten Corroded Coffin’s ‘Fire Shroud’ demo blasting from the beatbox. Steve, basically, had Bryan Adams on a hell-loop: ‘You know it's truuuue, Everything I dooooo, I do it for yooooou!’

On the other hand, it was so good to have music as his happy place again.

Before, he’d hardly been able to endure songs he once loved. The feelings that they’d triggered, and the avalanche of memories, had been too overwhelming. Once he’d learned the truth about his parents, he’d been able to grieve at last. To finally move on, knowing they’d done their best to look out for him after all. It wasn’t their fault—nor his, really—that he’d been conned.

He even conceded that Extreme cover of ‘Love of my Life’ was passable. But only after he made Eddie sing the original Queen harmonies—as many as one guy could—while he was belting it out on his other new beloved, his Yamaha keyboard.

One matter between them remained slightly off-key, though.

Eddie was still hyper-conscious about how things had started out, how he’d hired Steve as a hooker. Steve was eternally telling him that he didn’t need to ‘make amends,’ that they’d rarely been out-of-kilter in the bedroom. Eddie still needed reassurance sometimes.

Which Steve was more than willing to give.

Now, when they broke for air, Steve wedged his fingers under the chin strap of the bellhop cap. He swung Eddie around with it before shoving him down flat on their entirely normal-sized double bed. Who needed Emperor-size when you sleep best entangled in each other? Eddie didn’t snore so bad since he quit, while Steve’s asthma was pretty much under control.

Though not as much as he had a demonically grinning Eddie completely under his control. He straddled Eddie’s torso, playfully pinning Eddie’s arms either side of his head.

“I can ask for anything, right?” Steve arched over Eddie, nibbling his lips down the curve of Eddie’s throat.

“Hell, yeeeeeah,” Eddie was saying, his voice pitching toward a squeak. Steve nuzzled his thrumming voice-box and undulated on top of him, bumping and grinding against his groin.

“Let’s start with getting rid of that dumb hat.”  It was flung across the room in an instant. “Seeing as I’m gonna spend the next week being your groupie”—Steve paused to scrub his tongue up the shallow stubble on Eddie’s throat— “I want you to get totally metal on my ass. I mean, Jesus, Munson! It’s been a traumatic day. I’m not in the mood for heavy lifting.”

Then he slammed back down for another kiss, rolling and grappling and hugging and laughing, till Eddie rolled on top, pinning him instead.

“Fuuuuuck, Stevie!” Eddie now sucked Steve’s earlobe, nibbling the line of his jaw. Eddie’s hands slid down his arms, thumbing the super-sensitive arc of Steve’s elbow—Christ, when he was with Eddie, every part of his skin turned into an erogenous zone. They helped each other out of their shirts—not quite sending buttons flying nor seams ripping. Eddie really loved that Exodus t-shirt, which was limited edition and pretty much irreplaceable, while Steve had only sunk money into one premium-brand court day outfit.

“God, I love you so much,” whispered Eddie. “Have I ever told you how beautiful your body is?”

“Yeah. Every day. Never gets old… Shit, yeah… Lower… Gnng!” Eddie’s breaths blazed over Steve’s tightly sucked-in belly, while Steve gyrated up against him. Then Eddie hooked his fingers in Steve’s tailored waistband and peeled Steve’s pants down—a relief, because Steve’s erection was definitely straining plenty of stitches around there. He forgot that the instant he was freed, the pants tossed aside. Eddie took Steve’s dick in his mouth and pure liquid ecstasy overtook him.

Steve rested his head back on the feather-soft pillow, otherwise floating on thin air, all his awareness confined to the blowjob. Eddie suckled briefly, then licked his length, before seeking out that tender patch round the back of Steve’s dick that Eddie knew he loved. Like he loved when Eddie’s rough knuckles kneaded and toyed at the base of his balls. He loved how they knew each other’s desires so damn well.

“Yes, there… Christ!” Steve literally went cross-eyed with need. Nevertheless, while he knew Eddie would happily blow him and swallow every last drop of jizz, that wasn’t what Steve wanted right now:

“Hey, groupie wants his ass played with.”

“Demanding brat, aren’t you, groupie?”

Steve grinned, tightened his fist in Eddie’s hair. “Always.”

Steve rolled onto his belly, and luxuriated in Eddie’s skilled hands, playing him like a goddamn musical instrument. Okay, cliché alert, but who fucking cared? Eddie worked Steve open, slicked fingers strumming inside him, and Steve leaked precum everywhere. They’d need to change the sheets before the band arrived, or there was gonna be some real grungy stains around.

Steve, still squirming and simmering, peeped back to watch Eddie lubing his so-fucking-ready dick.  Steve was in the mood for doggy, so he pushed himself up onto his forearms and knees, keening with relief when he felt Eddie’s cock nudge along his crack. His whole frame tautened to breaking point, tight springs coiling in the base of his dick and sacs. Then he unleashed a comfortable sigh and pressed backward, the same instant Eddie jerked his hips forward and breached him.

He kinda happy sobbed, eyes watering. Oh wow. That moment of total connection… that stretching, searing, almost-too-much yumminess.

“Yes… wow… so good,” he panted.

“Damn, you feel sweet, groupie,” cooed Eddie, an arm bracing Steve’s middle, kissing Steve’s nape. Steve’s shoulders loosened a little and he adjusted to the penetration.

“Not so bad yourself, rockstar.”

Steve snatched a tight breath then exhaled again, long and hard, his body softening toward a puddle of pleasure. Apart from his dick, which was obviously screamingly hard. Screw houses with swimming pools—as far as Steve was concerned, this was Eddie’s forever home. He twisted his head to nip Eddie’s ludicrously soft, lush lips with a wet kiss.

“Metal on my ass, right?”

“Whatever you desire, my Liege.”

Eddie began to move, and so did Steve. Despite what he’d said earlier, Steve found himself totally pepped for a workout. He thrust back against Eddie, setting the rhythm at that perfect pace—fast enough to set his teeth lightly rattling, but slow enough for the drag against his prostate to absolutely set him on fire. He was just reaching for his needy dick, when Eddie beat him to it, chivalrously pumping Steve to the rhythm of their lovemaking.

Steve grinned into the pillow and let the pleasure build and crash through him. They’d melded as one, like waves on the fucking sun-kissed seashore. As Eddie surged into him, Steve crashed back.

“Stevie,” sighed Eddie, voice wavering on pained. “Dammit… Fuck, fuck… how does this just keep getting better?”

“Fuuuuck!” wailed Steve, so not in the headspace for existential discussions. He was caught between wanting this to continue forever, and the sensations getting a touch too much. His climax built in those mad waves, then rushed upon him. As he started to come, Eddie did too, deep inside him, in a series of joyful, juddering thrusts.

…

They floated happily, tangled together, through their shared post-coital high.

Steve wound up dozing with his nose buried courageously close to Eddie’s sweaty armpit. Eddie, on the other hand, wasn’t quite in the mood for a nap. He stretched out and grabbed a music mag from a pile on the bedside cabinet, causing a minor avalanche.

He leafed through, until his attention zoned in on an advertisement that made his blood jump: “Yikes.”

“What?” Steve’s muffled voice resonated through Eddie’s chest.

“Check this out, Babe. The actual owners of Jimi Hendrix’s guitar are putting it up for auction.”

“Oh. Wow.” Steve’s chin dug into Eddie’s pec as he slid his face up to see what Eddie was on about, and Eddie helped by brushing his hair from his eyes. “Well, if you reckon it’s gonna help you in the audition, maybe you should—”

“Naaaah,” said Eddie, the word blending into an unbothered yawn. He chucked the magazine to the floor and curled both arms around Steve, cuddling him a little tighter. “It’s gonna be me and my two true sweethearts against the world from now on.”

“You can battle all you like with your beloved guitar, man. I’m looking forward to not having the world fight back for a change.” Steve sounded invigoratingly bitchy.

Eddie pressed a kiss to his hair. They curled up beneath the covers to enjoy being naked together… till the arrival of Corroded Coffin sent their lives spiralling off into a new kind of chaos, this time entirely of their own choosing.

The End

🐰💕🐰💕🐰💕🐰💕 🐰💕🐰💕🐰💕🐰💕 🐰💕🐰💕🐰💕

perma-tag for the best inspiration friend ever: @wheneverfeasible (who has kindly put together a playlist for this fic, which I will get up on my tumblr over the next few days hopefully, after a few final additions 😊)

Thank you for reading to the end and I really hope you enjoyed the fic. Likes, re-blogs, comments and follows are always very much appreciated and will help feed the bunnies for possible future fic, though I've a feeling this will be my last long fic, at least for now, though I do intend to finish all my WIPs, including 'power of love' over the next few weeks, if possible🐰💕🐰💕🐰💕🐰💕

On tumblr: Part 1 Part 2 Part 3.1 Part 3.2 Part 4.1 Part 4.2 Part 5.1 Part 5.2 Part 6.1 Part 6.2 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14 Part 15 Part 16 Part 17 or search #thefreakinthepenthouse :)

On AO3 All my ST stuff on AO3

[peri-helia]

Spotted: Buck, Bothered

Outsider POV on Pining BuckTommy Gym fluff inspired by tumblr Also on AO3

So Matt’s not 100% sure what this guy’s deal is, and to be honest, he’ll probably regret asking but – well, he’s intrigued okay. In a very, well mark me down as scared and horny kind of way. Because the guy – he’s a first responder, Matt knows that much - like a lot of the people who use this gym when they’re off shift and need to work through something.

And this guy must have several somethings because he is going to fucking town on that punching bag. Matt’s half expecting the thing to ricochet off the hook and hit the back wall, sides splitting.  He’s not sure what the guy’s deal exactly is though, because he’s not usually like this. Or well, he hasn’t been in a while.

He thinks the last time he’d seen the firefighter like this he’d picked up the phone to someone called Chimney – now there’s a name Matt would like to know the reason behind – and told him he didn’t want to talk to his sister. Yeah, he’d been at the gym a lot that week.

It’s not that Matt’s like, especially watching this guy mind you. He’s pretty sure his name is Buck if he’s remembering right from the time ages ago when he’d caught Matt staring. Those arms are fucking huge and look, Matt is only one man. Anyway. He’d fucking beamed at Matt across the floor, smile so eager and open in a way that had reminded Matt strongly of a golden retriever and introduced himself. Add in those baby blues, the Channel 8 news coverage of multiple last minute heroics and the fact that he’s either here or leaving on a pretty similar schedule to Matt’s own and yeah, Buck’s pretty memorable alright?

But the way he’s pummeling the punching bag has a fair few other patrons staring too. He’s completely focused on the bag, no finesse to it really just either imagining someone’s face real hard or just trying to burn through whatever it is that’s got him here in the first place.

That’s the first time.

*

He’s not expecting to see Buck again so soon, but then again he’s never normally at the gym this much either. He is not hiding from Rick’s parents, Rick is hiding him from Rick’s parents. When are you getting married? Debbie needs some cousins, don’t you want to do some travelling?  If anyone asks, he’s getting a root canal right now. He could’ve gone to the movies or gone up Runyon or something but he needed to get his gym bag out of the apartment in case anyone finds the ring while he’s out or something. So he figured he might as well.

But there’s Buck again, on one of the benches this time. There’s another guy with him – Eddie, Matt remembers after a second spent on it – all big dark eyes and great hair – who judging from the way he’s swiping at the screen of his phone, is here more to keep Buck company than actually work out. Buck picks up his own phone, unlocks it and immediately turns an interesting shade of flame. He drops his phone on the floor with a huff and when Eddie glances over, he just about grits out. “Don’t ask. Should not have looked”

Eddie holds up his hands as he doesn’t hold back a snicker and goes back to scrolling. “Told you before. Don’t recommend this as an alternative” Matt wonders if maybe Buck’s hiding out from someone too.

Buck huffs a pissy sigh and heaves himself up. He lifts the hem of his shirt to mop his forehead – Jesus – and stalks over to the punching bags. Eddie dutifully rolls off his own bench and ambles over, positioning himself to hold the bag steady, like they’ve done this a thousand times before.

That’s the second time.

--

By the sixth time, Matt’s starting to wonder if like, maybe Buck just needs to tell whoever it is that’s got him doing squats like its going out of style to go fuck themselves. He’s going to pull something.

He’s been working out for a little while, moving from squats to the punching bag and excellent form but again, he’s pummeling the living shit out of the thing. Eventually though he must feel Matt’s eyes on him because Buck turns round, wiping at his face.

Their eyes catch and fuck, fuck Matt needs to look at the red haired chick on Channel 8 or the floor or the mirror- shit not the mirrors because Buck outlined there, too. Obviously.

God, Ric always says Matt’s too honest. How the proposal hasn’t been rumbled is beyond him.

“Hey, uh”

“Hey” Buck grunts a little, leaning over to snag his water bottle, taking a long swig.

“Hey,” what the fuck, Mattie, abort, abort – “you alright, man? That punching bag looks like its about to tap out”

There are posters for mental health and talking about it all over the gym but again, its not like he knows Buck but the guy’s obviously preoccupied with something.

Buck throws a glance over his shoulder at the punching bag. He bites his lower lip for a second.

“Yeah. I know,” he ducks his head, “It’s just, well my – my boyfriend’s away and I fucking miss him, you know?”

Oh. Oh that’s – fucking adorable, really. The bent of Buck’s ire takes on new light.

“Is that why you’ve-“ Matt just about manages to bite his tongue in time, but a crooked smile flits knowingly across Buck’s face, a twinkle in his eye.

“-been working myself to the bone? Yeah, uh” he scrubs a hand across the back of his neck, ears turning a sweet pink “My captain – I’m a firefighter – said something similar. Trying to focus on other things. Work out my-“

“Frustration?”

Buck’s baby blues shoot up and yup he’s definitely gone pink now. It’s fucking endearing.

“Man, I’m the same when my fiancé – uh, well my boyfriend too, really I uh, haven’t asked him yet – is away. Ric went to a meditation retreat with our friend Annie, God I was ridiculous for like, a week”

Buck smiles, and sticks out a hand to him. They shake and Buck takes one last look at the bag. “He’s – Tommy – he’s back in a few days.”

“I hope he knows how much he’s been missed”

“Oh trust me, he will” Buck replies, and then his brain seems to catch up with his mouth and he goes practically scarlet, the blush spreading down his neck and shoulders this time.

It has Matt laughing to himself all the way home.

+

He walks into the gym to see Buck, on the mats. He’s circling a guy who – fucking hell, is he exclusively friends with models?! Are the LAFD on some kind of public service recruitment gig? The guy’s a match for Buck in bulk and height but you could cut yourself on those cheekbones.  Matt can’t help himself, he can’t look away. They’re clearly meant to be sparring but Buck must so riled up from his boyfriend’s absence that he’s not doing much but dodging. The other guy’s laughing it up, teasing, even playfully swats at Buck’s ass. His smile scrunches up his whole face as Buck jumps and then, forgoing finesse just launches himself at his friend.

They tumble to the mats, but he sees how Buck’s hand shoots out to cradle the back of his friend’s skull, lessen the impact against the tired padding.

“That’s just playing dirty” the new guy laughs again, and even from this angle, Matt can see the way he’s grinning up at Buck.

“I haven’t even begun to play” Buck smirks as his friend puts his massive hands on Buck’s hips to steady him as Buck -

Oh. Oh.

Buck shifts his hips again.

“Evan” those hands flex, Buck’s boyfriend’s voice straining in a really interesting way. His fingers have slipped under the hem of Buck’s t-shirt as the boyfriend lets his head drop, resting back against the mat, eyes glittering as he look up at Buck. Buck’s hands are pressing on his chest and they haven’t noticed, holy shit, Matt is going to leave. Matt is going to turn around and leave and find a new gym – Annie’s is really good, they do yoga and everything on a Thursday morning.

Evan?!

“Baby, I am not having welcome home sex in the gym. Chimney comes here.”

He’s nearly at the door, when he hears Buck sigh, theatrical and put upon, then “You’re no fun”

Another laugh, deep and throaty “Let me take you home and I’ll show you exactly how much fun I am”

Yeah, Matt’s done with the gym for a while. Ric should be getting home soon. There’s better ways to exercise after all.

[lemotmo]

Oh I think a few thousand is way too generous a number. If it's 2000 it's definitely not more. And I honestly don't think it's even that big. Also if people will go back and check, the Buddie comments are gaining on those posts. And once again many of their comments are unhinged. Your anon is also correct, it's the same people commenting on both posts. It's always the same people. The show can easily see this as well. The reality is 'fandom' has very little sway in what a show will or won't do. We think we have way more power than we do 😂. Another thing I think people need to remember is someone liking Tumblr/Twitter posts of 2 guys kissing is no where near the same thing as being an actual active fan. The like numbers mean absolutely nothing and people should not be using those numbers for anything.

The blocked thing is fascinating to me because Oliver basically admitted yesterday he's been doing that and several of L's fans have said they've been blocked by Ryan and other show people as well. So not only is Oliver actively avoiding any interaction with them, he's actively removing them from his page. Imagine what kind of vile garbage you have to repeatedly send actors and members of a show to get a block?? That is not a common thing. It's a big deal that they're doing that. It's a very big deal that Oliver flat out said he's doing it. It's bad enough they've pushed Oliver to this point but I don't want to even think about what Ryan's been sent.

The fact he admitted he has a burner account, Oliver has seen some things. And he once again confirmed he and Ryan send each other things.

Hey Nonny! Hope you're having a great day.

Yep I agree with all of this.

I have checked the comments on these posts out of curiosity and you described it accurately.

To be honest, if I was an actor in one of these shows, I would probably go completely private and block everyone who tried to contact me. LOL! But yeah, I wonder what horrible things some people have sent them as well. It's weird and foreign to me. I would never, not in a million years, contemplate sending a message to Oliver or Ryan. I don't know them in person, so why would I send them something? Also, their characters are not really them and I do feel like some people have some trouble seperating the actor from the character. Which is highly problematic as well.

I've also been in fandom spaces for a very long time now and I agree that we have very little sway when it comes to TV shows. And that's fine, because it doesn't disrupt the process of writing. It's impossible to cater to everyone in fandom. Ultimately they write what they think is great television and we consume it.

The writers have written Buck and Eddie as queer-coded for a long time now. They have made bi Buck canon, so why not Eddie? Basically all we are doing is reading into the writers' narrative, supporting them in their creative choices and obviously hoping that they actually 'go there'. And it seems to be going in the right direction if you ask me. :)

[staticespace]

[ID: A record made by boreal-sea on Tumblr, determining policy issues and which candidate is for and against those policies.

Policy 1. Trans rights: Trump against, Biden for. 2. Abortion access: Trump against, Biden for. 3. Environmental reform: Trump against, Biden for. 4. Healthcare reform: Trump against, Biden for. 5. Prescription reform: Trump against, Biden for. 6. Student loan forgiveness: Trump against, Biden for. 7. Infrastructure funding: Trump against, Biden for. 8. Advocating racial equity: Trump against, Biden for. 9. Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion: Trump against, Biden for. 10. Vaccines and public health: Trump against, Biden for. 11. Criminal justice reform: Trump against, Biden for. 12. Military support to Israel: Trump for, Biden for. 13. Israel/Hamas ceasefire: Trump against, Biden for. //End ID]

Okay, errh… Listen.

I'm probably going to end up voting for the old bastard, but calling someone privileged for not wanting to vote for either or considering not voting isn't really the take I think works here. Nor is simplifying these statements when their actions have said otherwise—specifically in Biden's case.

I won't try to go down the entire list, but just a few examples:

#1. At large, Biden's Criminal Justice Reform advisory has included further increasing police budgets and increasing training. CJ Reform connects to Points 1, 8, 9, and 12 in fairly open ways (police training with Israeli soldiers and "cop cities" outside of Georgia are a thing, y'know). While putting forth efforts to phase out for-profit prisons and reduce prison populations is a good thing, more police isn't really a solution to look forward to. Moreover, the for-profit phase out hasn't worked since he instated it in 2021 because of the U.S. Marshals Service, so, clearly, something else needs to give.

#2. Abortion access was lost under a Biden presidency, not Trump's. Yes, it takes a while for plans set in motion to enact, however, a common and prominent critique of Biden's presidency has been the fact he did not codify Roe v Wade. This has led to substantial medical emergencies and even deaths. Abortion access and its legality connects with Points 1, 4, 5, and 8-11 in fairly open ways.

#3. Vaccines and public health were incredibly politicized and, perhaps due to being in a capitalist society that must have the "lower cogs" at work to function at all times, the CDC and Biden himself participated in downplaying the potential severity of COVID-19 and subsequent infections. We now have hundreds of thousands of long-COVID sufferers who are experiencing permanent disability, with the number only increasing as variants continue to develop. Considering the nature of public health, it connects with Points 1, 2, 4, 5, 7, 8-9, and 11 in fairly open ways.

I'll end that there, but I really need you guys to stop putting "privileged" in your vocabulary when referring to people hesitant to vote while you undermine their legitimate concerns with his policies, public statements, and effectivity.

"You don't care for/about—"

Please. Please just shut up.

Say you'd like others to vote for Biden and why.

And then shut up about what you assume people do or don't care about.

Comments like the one just above mine are a lot more palatable for acknowledging people's worries about Biden than saying they don't care.

Just...stop doing that. It makes many people want to vote even less.

Not because I or someone else is "privileged," but because it's understandable to hate doing things someone tries to insult them into doing.

And, personally, I don't want to have to fight your insults in addition to my already existent difficulties in even getting to the voting booth.

So, if I do end up voting and managing to make it count, it will be more thanks to the person just above me than the funky lil visual on this thread.

Look.

I have made you a chart. A very simple chart.

People say "You have to draw the line somewhere, and Biden has crossed it-" and my response is "Trump has crossed way more lines than Biden".

These categories are based off of actual policy enacted by both of these men while they were in office.

If the ONLY LINE YOU CARE ABOUT is line 12, you have an incredible amount of privilege, AND YOU DO NOT CARE ABOUT PALESTINIANS. You obviously have nothing to fear from a Trump presidency, and you do not give a fuck if a ceasefire actually occurs. You are obviously fine if your queer, disabled, and marginalized loved ones are hurt. You clearly don't care about the status of American democracy, which Trump has openly stated he plans to destroy on day 1 he is in office.

[therealvinelle]

I've always wondered this, but what do you think the Cullen's political viewpoints would be, given their individual backgrounds? if vampires don't change after they turn, then surely they would all be extremely racist (especially Jasper). would this not come up at some point? they aren't like the Volturi because the Volturi are too old to care, but the Cullens are young enough that they have been brought up with opinions on stuff like sexism, racism, homophobia and the like.

Oh fuck.

You get an early answer because otherwise I'll just chicken out and delete this one, pretend I never saw it.

UMMM.

Since I'm guessing you meant American political viewpoints, we need a disclaimer. I am not American, and not too knowledgeable about your politics. Not just in the sense that I don't follow the day-to-day drama, but as I am not an American citizen there are several things I don't know, can't know because I've never lived in your country and therefore can't know what the effects of living in a country ruled by American policies is like. What I do know is based off of the news in the foreign section, social media (by which I mean tumblr posts), and Trevor Noah's Daily Show.

I am an outsider looking in.

Which is really rather appropriate, since the Cullens are too.

The Cullens go to high school and college, Carlisle works, they pay taxes, they own real estate, and submerge themselves in American culture. Esme, Edward, Rosalie, Emmett, and Bella are young enough that this is in many ways their world, and apart from timeouts they've more or less spent their entire lives, human and vampire, integrated into American society.

Not fully integrated, mind you, they do what they need to to fit in and get to school or, in Carlisle’s case, to work. They go no further. No extra-curriculars for the kids, no book clubs for Esme, no game nights for Carlisle. They walk parallel to humans, not among us.

In addition to this they're obscenely rich, which puts them another thousand miles from the experiences of your average American. They won't deal with the health system, which means healthcare is a non-issue, they're not going to need welfare or other social programs, unemployment is another non-issue. Name your issue, and the Cullens don't have personal stake in it. Even the climate crisis won't be a problem for them the way it will for us.

What I'm trying to say is, American political issues are a concept to them, not a lived reality. Just like they are for me. So hey, you made a great choice of blog to ask.

I'll also add here that you say the Volturi are too old to care, and I agree- from an ancient's point of view, racism is a matter of "which ethnicity are we hating today?", and it all looks rather arbitrary after a while. Same with every other issue - after a while it all just blends together into "what are the humans fighting over today? Which Christian denomination is the correct one? Huh. Good for them, I guess."

I can't put it any better than this post did, really. The Volturi are real people, humans are nerds and tumblr having Loki discourse. Aro thinks it's delightful and knows entirely too much about Watergate (and let's be real, Loki discourse as well), but the point I wanted to get at is that politics really don't matter to vampires.

And I don't think they matter to the Cullens either.

So, moving on to the next point while regretting I didn't put headlines in this post, I'll just state that I don't think vampires' minds are frozen. Their brains are unable to develop further, and they can never forget anything, but... well, this isn't the post for that, but in order for this to be true of vampires they would barely be sentient. They would not be able to process new impressions, to learn new things, nor to have an independent thought process. Yes, we see vampires in-universe (namely, Edward, who romanticizes himself and vampires) believe they're frozen and can never change, but there is no indication that this is a widespread belief, or even true. Quite the contrary - Carlisle went from a preacher's son who wanted to burn all the demons to living in Demon Capital for decades and then becoming a doctor and making a whole family of demons. Clearly, the guy has had a change in attitude over the years. Jasper, in his years as a newborn army general, slowly grew disenchanted with his life and developed depression. James initially meant to kill Victoria and hunted her across the earth, then became fascinated and changed his mind about it.

Had these people been incapable of change, Carlisle would still be hating demons, Jasper would be in Maria's army, and James would still be hunting Victoria.

It goes to follow, then, that they are able to adapt to new things.

The question is, would they?

Here I finally answer your question.

So, we have these people who don't really have any kind of stake in politics, who keep up to date all the same (or are forcibly kept up to date because high school) and are generally opinionated people.

Where do they then fall, politically?

(And this is where you might want to stop reading, anon, because I'm about to eviscerate these people.)

Alice votes for whoever's gonna win. She also makes a fortune off of betting each election. Trump's 1 to 10 victory in 2016 was a great day to be Alice. MAGA!

The actual policies involved are completely irrelevant, she does this because it's fun. Election means she gets to throw parties. Color coded parties for the Republican and Democratic primaries, and US-themed parties for Election Night! (Foreigner moment right here: I at first wrote "Election wake" before realizing that's not what y'all murricans call it.)

Alice loves politics. Doesn't know the issues, but she sure loves politics.

Bella votes Democrat. She actually knows about the issues, and cares about them. This girl is a Democrat through and through.

Carlisle doesn't vote. I can't imagine it feels right. Outside of faked papers he's not a US citizen, this is meddling in human affairs that he knows don't concern him.

More, this guy has never lived in a democracy.

In life, Carlisle lived under an absolute monarchy that, upon civil war, became an absolute theocracy. From there he learned that vampires live under a total dictatorship.

For the first 150 years of his life, democracy was that funky thing the Athenians did in history books thousands of years ago, no more relevant to him than the Ancient Egyptian monarchy is to me. Then the Americans, and later other European countries started doing this.

Good for them.

There's this mistake often made by those who view history from a... for lack of a better term, a solipsistic standpoint. A belief that the present day is the culmination of all of history. “My society is the best society, the most reasonable society; all the others had it backwards. Thank god we’re living in this enlightened age!”

The faith in our current system of government is one such belief. We (pardon me if this doesn’t apply to everybody reading this post) have grown up in democracies, being told this is the ultimate form of rule, and perhaps that is true - but remember the kings who have told their subjects they had were divine and the best possible ruler based on that. Remember also that most modern democracies haven’t actually been democracies for very long at all, America is the longest standing at some 230 years (not long at all in the grand scope of things) and they have a fracturing two-party system to show for it.

Every society, ever, has been told they’re the greatest, and their system of government the most just. Democracy is only the latest hit.

This is relevant to Carlisle because he’s immortal and decidedly not modern. Democracy has not been installed in him the way it was the rest of the Cullens, Jasper included. To him- well, it’s just not his world. He has no stakes in our human politics, and as he is older than every current democracy and has seen quite a few of them fall, he’s not going to internalize the democratic form of rule the way a modern human has.

I think the concept of voting is foreign to him.

It requires a level of participation in human society that he’s simply not at. He does the bare minimum to appear human so he do the work he loves, but nothing more, and I find that telling.

As it is I think he'd be iffy about his family doing it. He won’t stop them, but in voting they’re... well it’s kind of cheating. They’re not really citizens, none of this will affect them, and by voting they’re drowning out the votes of real human voters. He does not approve.

Edward votes Democrat. He's... well he’s the kind of guy who will oil a girl’s bedroom window so he can more easily watch her sleep without being discovered, justifying it to himself as being okay because if she were to tell him to get lost he’d stop immediately. Same guy is so sure that he’d leave and never return again if she wanted him to, except this is the man who returned to Forks to hang around his singer, knowing there was a significant chance he might kill her. To say nothing of his Madonna/Whore complex, or of the fact that he tried to pimp out his wife twice, and was willing to forcibly abort her child.

This guy is very much in love with chivalry, with being an enlightened and feminist man who supports and respects women, while not understanding the entire point of feminism, which is female liberation.

He votes Democrat because he’s such an enlightened feminist who cares about women’s rights.

Emmett doesn’t care to vote, but if he has to he votes Republican. The guy is from the 1930′s, and has major would-be-the-uncle-who-cracks-racist-jokes-if-he-was-older vibes.

Esme doesn’t vote, that would require getting out of the house.

More, I just... can’t see it. I can’t see her being one to read up on politics and The Issues, period, but if she has to then I doubt she’d be able to decide.

Jasper doesn’t vote. Alice can have her fun, he does not care.

There’s also the whole can of worms regarding the last time he went to bat for American politics.

I imagine he stays out of this.

Renesmée doesn't vote. She has no stock in the human affairs. Who would she vote for, on what grounds? When Bella tries to pull her to the urns, she points out that she's three years old.

Rosalie, guys, I’m sorry, but that girl is definitely gonna vote Republican. Perhaps not right now as it’s become the Trump party of insanity, but the Mitt Romney type of Republicans? Oh yes.

And for the record, yes I imagine she does vote. To step back from politics would be another way she was relinquishing her humanity, and that’s not allowed to happen. So, yes, she goes to the urns, less for the sake of the politics involved and more because like this, she’s still a part of society in some way.

Now, onto why I think she’s Republican, I think it’s both fiscal and social.

This girl was the daughter of a banker who somehow profited off of the Depression, and who then became part of a family with no material needs that would soon become billionaires thanks to Alice. Poverty to Rosalie is a non-issue, as it is I imagine she views it as a much lesser issue than what she’s had to deal with. The humans can pull themselves up by their bootstraps, Rosalie’s infertility is forever.

Rosalie’s empathy is strongest when she’s able to project onto others, and she won’t be able to project onto the less fortunate at all.

Then there’s the fact that the Republican party is all about traditional family values, and pro-life.

Rosalie, a woman from the 1930′s who idolizes her human life and who‘d love nothing more than to get to live out this fantasy, is down for that. And as of Breaking Dawn she’s vocally pro-life, so there’s that.

This all being said I don’t think Rosalie cares to sit down and fully understand these politics she’s voting for, the possible impact they’ll have- that’s not important. What’s important is what voting does for her.

TL;DR: I bet anon regrets asking.

[bottomlouisficfest]

Now that the Bottom Louis Fic Fest 2020 has concluded, we know that a lot of readers will have more time to catch up on some of the amazing fics they may have missed over the past two months. We encourage everyone to check out the full collection and to scroll through this masterpost of the 70 incredible fics that were posted during this year’s fest.

Please be sure to give all of these fics love - offer kudos, leave comments, reblog their fic posts on Tumblr, and retweet the fic posts on Twitter to help spread the word about these fics. The fest ending does not mean that our appreciation and reading of these fics has to end too.

Thank you for following along with this fest! We appreciate every single one of you - and we’ll see you later this year for the Bottom Louis Fic Fest 2021. 😊💜

Rainbow Bloom

A fic by dandelionfairies on AO3 | @dandelionfairies on Tumblr | dandelionfairi1 on Twitter

22k | Mature | Louis/Harry | Tumblr post | Twitter post

Louis is in denial. Louis has been in denial for far too long. Then Harry enters his life and everything changes.

Breakable Heaven

A fic by amomentoflove on AO3 | @daggerandrose on Tumblr | dagger_rosefics on Twitter

44k | Explicit | Louis/Harry | Tumblr post | Twitter post

“What do you think?” Louis gets captured by Harry’s green eyes, unable to look away or even take a breath.

“I think you’re the most magnificent creature I’ve ever met.”

“You must not have met many creatures then.”

Harry’s eyes glance downward to Louis’ lips and his tongue darts out to wet his own. “None like you.”

bang bang (my baby shot me down)

A fic by thepolourryexpress on AO3 | @thepolourryexpress on Tumblr | ZOUlSBUSONE on Twitter

16k | Not Rated | Louis/Harry | Tumblr post | Twitter post

“I walked in on them having sex again,” Niall says after a beat of hesitation.

Liam still looks confused. “Why’s this different from every other time we’ve seen them having sex?” Liam asks, and oh, Harry knows Liam really doesn’t want to know the answer to this one.

Niall’s gone silent then, and Harry almost thinks they’re in the clear. Liam is back to scrolling through his phone, and Zayn is whispering something to Louis that makes the older boy giggle. They’re going to get through this car ride without a murder.

But then Niall’s covering his face with his sweatshirt, taking in a breath and on his exhale, Harry hears him mutter, “Louis was wearing knickers.”

Liam’s phone clatters to the floor of the car.

Don't You Know That I'm a Moon in Daylight?

A fic by wildholly on AO3 | @bottomlwt on Tumblr | bottomloulou on Twitter

58k | Mature | Louis/Harry | Tumblr post | Twitter post

Prompt 79. Louis and Harry fell in love in the 18th century, Louis wanted Harry to convert him into a vampire, but he ended up resenting Harry for it. Fast forward to our modern days, they haven’t seen each other since then, but one day they meet again through a mutual friend. Harry was bitter for a long time, but he accepted that being angry wouldn't erase the fact that Louis was the love of his life. He wanted to court and spoil Louis like in their original time period, but Louis avoided him every time Harry tried to reconnect. Happy ending!

practice in pencil, seal it in pen

A fic by loubellies on AO3 | @loubellies on Tumblr | loubellies on Twitter

16k | Explicit | Louis/Harry | Tumblr post | Twitter post

Prompt 174: AU where drunk Harry lifts Louis up after someone says “bottoms up”. Louis blushes at Harry’s antics, flustered that his best friend knew him more than he thought. Friends to lovers with a happy ending please

or Harry is in love with Louis but he doesn't know.

tastes like summer, smiles like may

A fic by outropeace on AO3 | @outropeace on Tumblr | outropetals on Twitter

47k | Explicit | Louis/Harry | Tumblr post | Twitter post

“Is this true?” Harry grabbed the beta by the shoulders. “Bryce, where did you hear that?”

“There’s rumors going around the castle,” he smirked. “stories about his beauty and his cold attitude. They know he is an omega only because of his scent, but he has never had a heat.”

“Do you know what this means?”

Bryce smirk grew into a big smile. “He can’t give you an heir.”

A cold prince, an alpha with nothing left to lose and a kingdom with a secret.

blinded by the sparks

A fic by wallstracktwo on AO3 | @wallstracktwo on Tumblr

22k | Explicit | Louis/Harry | Tumblr post | Twitter post

"You can’t even keep your lies straight. Mike has the memory of an elephant and can remember every single detail about every single person he’s ever met, so don’t stand there and tell me that he mixed you up with someone else.” He took back Harry’s cigarette. “I saw you exchanging lower chips for higher ones. I saw you counting the cards. There is no fucking way you won seven thousand dollars tonight honestly. And so I will repeat myself — I want in. Fifty-fifty.”

Harry was completely taken aback by the stunningly attractive man standing in front of him. He made several attempts to say something — opening and closing his mouth at least twice before he was finally able to string a few words together. “What? No. No way. No. Sorry, but I work alone.”

That was the truth too — he had never trusted anyone enough to let them get close, especially when it came to his scamming, so having a partner was completely, utterly out of the question.

“Don’t you think you need someone on the…” Louis’ tongue darted out, licking his lips as his eyes flickered to Harry’s mouth, one eyebrow cocking up. “...inside.”

Or - Harry is a scammer who drifts from casino to casino. Louis is the new waiter who wants in on the scam.

somewhere in between

A fic by soldouthaz on AO3 | @soldouthaz on Tumblr | soldouthaz on Twitter

42k | Explicit | Louis/Harry | Tumblr post | Twitter post

Louis wakes up early. He brushes his teeth and can only stomach a piece of toast for breakfast, dressing quickly and heading for the car. He pulls into the parking lot of the Department of Dominance and Submission just as they’re unlocking the doors. It takes him all of an hour in the uncomfortable chairs to fill out the paperwork to the best and most accurate of his ability, handing it over to the receptionist as soon as he’s finished and wiping his sweaty palms on his business trousers.

There’s a high chance that within ten to fifteen business days, Louis will be matched with a dominant.

Shit.

On My Mind All The Time, Say You're Mine

A fic by Safetypinprince on AO3 | @roselouis on Tumblr | femboyIouis on Twitter

9k | Explicit | Louis/Harry | Tumblr post | Twitter post

“Dude, we’re inside, and it’s night time. Those don’t look as cool as you think they do.” Louis could kick himself, he sounded so stupid, but it certainly got the guy’s attention.

It was at that unfortunate moment that he noticed several other things about this hot asshole, that he hadn’t noticed just staring from afar. First, when Louis spoke to him, his gaze was kind of unfocused behind his sunglasses, and secondly, that he had a red and white cane folded up under his arm.

“I’m… Blind,” the man chuckled, awkwardly.  

Louis wanted to melt into a puddle out of pure embarrassment.

“I— am so sorry. I have to go.”

“Hey, wait, wait,” the man soothed, grabbing at Louis’ shoulders before he could get away.

“I’m sorry,” Louis repeated, looking down at his shoes.

“It’s alright,” He cackled. “I get it a lot. More than you know.”

Alternatively titled: and they were roommates.

A Silent Whisper (That's Left Unsaid)

A fic by MyEnglishRose on AO3 | @lwtisloved on Tumblr | darlinlou on Twitter

50k | Explicit | Louis/Harry | Tumblr post | Twitter post

“So… we’re doing this?”

Louis shrugs, suddenly acting disinterested.

“Your call, Curly.”

Instead of a verbal response, Harry suddenly takes Louis’ left hand in his. The black ring seems to nag him as the fire’s light reflects its polished edges. He ignores Louis’ curious gaze as he quickly takes off one of his own rings — the rose one —, sliding it on Louis’ middle finger. It is a little large and when he lets go of his hand, Louis has to curl it into a fist so the ring doesn’t immediately fall off.

“We’ll tell them it’s a promise ring, not an actual engagement,” Harry declares, trying to ignore how warm his cheeks feel. Hopefully, it can’t be seen as he is facing away from the fireplace.

“Right… could have gotten me a fitted ring though, my Harry ten years ago was more thoughtful.”

Louis’ tone is light and teasing again. It creates a small smile on Harry’s lips.

“Someday,” he whispers before he even registers it himself.

They both ignore it.

Or. A Fake Relationship & Exes to Lovers AU ft a failed proposal ten years ago, an oblivious Harry, an overworked Louis, Zayn as the protective best friend, a meddling aunt and a lot of talks about weddings and rings.

sweet like honey

A fic by falsegoodnight on AO3 | @falsegoodnight on Tumblr | falsegoodnight on Twitter

33k | Explicit | Louis/Harry | Tumblr post | Twitter post

Weeks of flat shopping with their limited budget with Louis as a librarian aid and Harry as a barista and arguments about whether a balcony or extended bathroom suite were more important (Harry wanted to be able to feel the crisp night’s air and watch the sun set and Louis just wanted to take long bubble baths) led to them stumbling across the perfect fit. A small flat only ten minutes from campus with a cramped but lovely balcony and an included bath.

It’s affordable too… well, sort of. But they always manage. Louis picks up more shifts as an aid, adapting a habit of bringing his Psych textbooks and homework with him to finish in between duties, and later his script so he can quietly practice lines with little distraction.

Harry also increases his number of shifts at the cafe and valiantly endures the nasty customers who for some reason flock to their establishment like moths to a flame.

For a while, it’s enough.

-

Or, Harry and Louis need money and they find an unconventional solution in the form of PornHub. It’s not supposed to be a big deal.

Spoonful of Sugar

A fic by zanni_scaramouche on AO3 | @zanniscaramouche on Tumblr

42k | Explicit | Louis/Harry | Tumblr post | Twitter post

Harry Styles.  

A name better suited for a myth than a man. Like the name of the devil, people either whisper it in fear or laugh it off as fable. Cut it open and this city’s heart doesn’t bleed red. It’s snowy white, and it pulses in the tight grip of Lucifer himself.

Louis Tomlinson cares for his family above all else, a fact that’s led him on a twisted path peddling drugs to support them. Just as he’s made the decision to jump ship, Louis gets snared between the two largest crime syndicates in the city. To keep his family safe he’s forced to trust the man that failed to keep his promise two years ago, the resident drug lord he’s unknowingly been working for, Harry Styles.

Let's Break the Internet

A fic by louizsv on AO3 | @ashleyjohnsonfanaccount on Tumblr | piccadillyplum on Twitter

9k | Explicit | Louis/OMC | Tumblr post | Twitter post

“I’ll tell you what,” Sam leans forward in his chair and steeples his fingers in front of his face, “If you actually make an account and sell nudie pics and porn for more than three months, I’ll believe you.”

Louis purses his lips, ignoring the returning blush on his cheeks at the thought of having to film himself in compromising positions or taking photos of himself without any clothes on. Raising his chin defiantly, Louis accepts the challenge.

“Fine,” he agrees, “But when I win, you have to make one too.”

Lips quirked, Sam nods and holds out a hand, “Deal.” -- Or, the one where Louis is an Only Fans baby.

in a sea of mist

A fic by tomlinvelvet on AO3 | @tomlinvelvetfics on Tumblr

126k | Explicit | Louis/Harry | Tumblr post | Twitter post

A Greek Mythology/Camp Half-Blood AU where Harry is lost, the road to peace is a wretched one, and somehow, through a mist of confusion and regrets, Louis seems to be the only thing that makes sense and everything Harry needs.

Across the Grey, Salty Sea

A fic by thecheshirepussycat on AO3 | @the-cheshire-pussy-cat on Tumblr | Bee_With_Mee on Twitter

19k | Explicit | Louis/Harry | Tumblr post | Twitter post

Prompt 212: Alex from Dunkirk and French escort/prostitute Louis who ends up in Alex’s quarters more nights than not. Alex gives him his dog tag to wear maybe just a lot of smut and dirty talk with Louis being a pretty princess.

When Our Worlds They Fall Apart

A fic by edensrose on AO3 | @holdingthornsandroses on Tumblr | thetrashpigeon on Twitter

42k | Explicit | Louis/Harry | Tumblr post | Twitter post

Harry put his hand over his heart as if Louis had wounded him. “You’re so harsh, my liege! Perhaps you need to relieve some tension…” He let his voice trail off suggestively.

“The day I ask YOU to relieve tension is the day I lose all my wits and join the Imperials,” Louis said. “It will never happen.”

Written for the Bottom Louis Fic Fest 2020- Prompt 325: Star Wars AU with Harry as Han Solo and Louis as Leia.

Thank you, five.

A fic by nouies on AO3 | @nouies on Tumblr | _nouies on Twitter

5k | Explicit | Louis/Harry | Tumblr post | Twitter post

“Harry?” He says as soon as he recognises the other man.

“Louis? Wh-what are you doing here?” Harry asks with a frown.

“Well, I’m here for rehearsal,” Louis announces with a proud smile.

There’s a flash of confusion on Harry’s face. “What do you mean rehearsal? I got the part, you didn’t.”

~

Prompt 195: Hamilton AU

Know I Think You're Awesome, Right?

A fic by princesshalo on AO3 | @princesshalo on Tumblr | tpwkorra on Twitter

60k | Explicit | Louis/Harry | Tumblr post | Twitter post

“Well, that’s not very Treat People With Kindness of you.”

“Neither is approaching someone with the sole intent of criticizing a cause they’re clearly passionate about, given the amount of time they’ve dedicated to advocating for it,” Louis snaps.

“Sure, but I’m not the one with the button,” Harry shrugs.

“So, is there actually something I can help you with, or did you just come to push me into pepper spraying you as well?” Louis is quickly growing impatient. Hell, he was impatient the moment that Harry made his grand entrance on campus yesterday.

“I’m just trying to assess the environment here,” Harry says, “Because if this is all you’ve got to offer trans people who just want to be able to use the bathroom in peace like the rest of us, then I’m not sure I fit in.”

“Allow me to save you the trouble, then: you don’t.”

~

Based on the prompt: a college AU where Louis is a hippie, very good vibes activist and Harry is a punk, anarchist that always gets involved in violent protests.

show you the stars in daylight

A fic by bruisedhoney on AO3 | @yvesaintlourent on Tumblr | bruisedhoney on Twitter

13k | Explicit | Louis/Harry | Tumblr post | Twitter post

Louis laughed, the sound loud and borderline obnoxious. Harry winced. “Are you kidding, Haz? I wouldn’t even look twice at someone that couldn’t pick me up.”

And, well. That was new information to Harry. It’s not like Louis had ever mentioned to him that he was his type in any way, shape, or form.  Harry shifted closer into the space between Louis’s legs, even more intrigued than before. “Why not?” he asked curiously, all pink lips and big curls. Louis smiled.

“Tiny, innocent, little Harold. Need someone that can pick me up, don’t I? I like being tossed around a little. You know, pinned down and made to take it. Lifted up like I’m nothing,” Louis said it all with a confident smile, his sharp little teeth tugging at his bottom lip as he locked eyes with the jock across the kitchen. “Think he might come over here. Move over. I don’t want him to think we’re together.”

Or, the one where Louis has a type and at sixteen and scrawy, it's definitely not his best friend's little brother Harry...ten years later, he changes his mind.

Freeway of Love (In a Pink Cadillac)

A fic by MsHydeStylinson on AO3 | @mizzhydes on Tumblr | MsHydeStylinson on Twitter

33k | Explicit | Louis/Harry | Tumblr post | Twitter post

“Did you like them?” Louis asked in a seductive tone, propping his elbow against the armrest, chin resting against his fingers.

“I’m not going to answer that,” Harry informed, lips pressed in a hard line.

“I don’t think you have to,” Louis smirked nodding slightly towards his telltale bulge and watched as Harry reddened from his neck to his forehead in a flash.

”Please, I beg you to put that phone away,” Harry pleaded with a suffering expression plastered on his face.

“Please…” Harry whined.

Or,

Louis was on his way to Miami to visit an old friend. Harry was going there for a little R&R and take in the sights and sounds.  A sudden upgrade in seating brought these polar opposites together. The universe works in mysterious ways and they are unknowingly about to embark on an adventure they will surely remember for a lifetime.

Prompt 107: Sugar daddy AU inspired by this tweet: “going to sit next to the richest looking middle aged man on my flight and scroll through my nudes for three hours straight” with rich daddy Harry and bratty baby Louis.

Won't Keep You My (Dirty Little) Secret

A fic by lovelykits on AO3 | @lovelykits on Tumblr

16k | Mature | Louis/Harry | Tumblr post | Twitter post

“I got asked out today,” Louis comments.

“Okay,” Harry shifts.

“Did you hear me? I said I got asked out.”

"You always get asked out.”

“Yeah well this time they didn’t believe I had a boyfriend!”

Or Louis and Harry have been together since the end of last year and somehow no one knows about it.

A Place With Skeletons

A fic by whoknows on AO3 | @crazyupsetter on Tumblr

50k | Explicit | Louis/Harry | Tumblr post | Twitter post

“I would choose anyone other than you,” Louis says, picking up his train of thought again. He feels a lot more cornered and defensive when they’re in Harry’s house, for some reason. It doesn’t really make sense, considering that this time, Louis was the one who couldn’t hack it any longer. He broke first. There’s something about being in Harry’s space, though, the green and earthy feeling of it. It should feel like open space with all the plants, but Louis has never felt more claustrophobic than he does when he’s here.

Harry’s chest moves against his back, a sharp intake of air. Before he can open his mouth to defend himself, Louis keeps going, “If I had a choice in any of this, I would have been saved by that elderly security guard over you. I wouldn’t mind having to have the occasional cuddle with her.”

Pretty and Pink

A fic by LarryInPanties on AO3 | @larryinpantiess on Tumblr | babielouu on Twitter

12k | Explicit | Louis/Harry | Tumblr post | Twitter post

Louis points a finger at the man’s pec, “I’ll have you know Harry, anyone would be lucky to have me as a hitchhiker buddy. I’m nice, I don’t take up too much space, and I’m pretty.”

He’s not lying.

“Let me get this straight,” Harry gives Louis a look when he lets out a tiny laugh. “Ya’ want to take a ride with me but you don’t even know where ya’ wanna go yet?”

-

Harry never lets anyone come on the road with him.

Then, a cute hitchhiker, Louis comes around.

Cold As Ice And Everything Nice

A fic by harriblou on AO3 | @harriblou on Tumblr | harriblou on Twitter

40k | Mature | Louis/Harry | Tumblr post | Twitter post

A young boy about Harry’s age was zoomed into the camera, blushing a bright red and breathing heavily and as he bowed. The crowd was cheering for him loudly and every movement he made was bashful and flustered. He had on a very nice skate dress that was purple. His name, hometown, skate scores, and all sorts of information was in a banner on the bottom half of the screen. He was really young, especially compared to all the other competitors, which was the second thing he noticed.

The first was that the boy was easily the prettiest in the entire world, the prettiest boy Harry’s ever seen. He felt his asthma squeeze his throat and his heart beat faster and his hands get a little more clammy.

or in which Louis is a professional ice-skater and he meets Harry, who offers to clean the ice for him.

You'll wait for me only.

A fic by signofthetmies on AO3 | @tired-eyes-lou on Tumblr

9k | Teen & Up | Louis/Harry | Tumblr post | Twitter post

Harry nips at the bondmark on Louis’ neck, Louis’ hands go to his hips, grounding him. He allows himself this, knowing that his Omega needs it too. Harry pulls back, “Go on a date with me.” He rushes out, looking at Louis’ eyes.

Louis laughs and shakes his head. “No, Louis, I’m serious. We’ve bonded for life anyway, might as well try.” Louis looks at him, “You’ve been thinking about this a lot.” Louis points out, Harry nods. “Okay.” Louis says and walks out leaving Harry. “Okay what?!”

_______________________

Prompt 15: Omega Louis is a lawyer that worked on omega rights cases. Alpha Harry is a corporate lawyer. Louis and Harry used to be childhood archenemies, until Louis moved to another school and they never saw each other again. Now, they’re both adults that happen to work in the same place. They behave like children and still share a mutual dislike. Both travel to work together for a case. One night they both bond accidentally. Slowly but surely, they fall in love. Enemies to lovers!

through the wheatfields and the coastlines

A fic by thepolourryexpress on AO3 | @thepolourryexpress on Tumblr | ZOUlSBUSONE on Twitter

53k | Explicit | Louis/Harry | Tumblr post | Twitter post

“You’re not from around here, are ya?” Hot Cowboy asks, tracking his little lamb with his eyes. Louis frowns slightly, having thought he was doing pretty well at not sticking out like a sore thumb. It’s not like he’s not from around here — it’s not his first summer he’s spent at his grandparents'. But he supposes that the Manhattan city lifestyle that he’s used to is always going to shine through.

“I’m visiting family for the summer,” Louis explains, cheeks a little pink. “Trying to get some work done without distractions.”

Or, alternatively, the one where Louis needs inspiration, and a certain cowboy and his lamb are the perfect distraction.

The Boy with the Tin Chest and a Glass Heart

A fic by louloubaby92 on AO3 | @louloubabys1992 on Tumblr

18k | Mature | Louis/Harry | Tumblr post | Twitter post

Alpha Harry Styles, world-renowned author of fairy-tales, is being persuaded by the Beta, Liam Payne to hire a new illustrator. Since Harry’s own illustrations are too graphic for what is supposed to be children’s stories, Liam feels the need is dire. Omega Louis does not agree with Liam since he believes that Harry’s stories are fine just the way they are. Of course this has nothing to do with Louis being totally biased or totally head over heels for Harry. It certainly has nothing to do with being jealous of the mysterious omega illustrator Liam has in mind to team Harry up with.

Seriously, it has nothing to do with that at all. Nothing, absolutely nothing, zilch, nada.

Yeah...

This Glass House

A fic by BabyPowderLou on AO3 | @compactblue on Tumblr | princessbluelou on Twitter

42k | Mature | Louis/Harry | Tumblr post | Twitter post

While deployed, Alpha Harry gets injured by an IED explosion, leaving him to deal with severe injuries in its devastating aftermath. During his road to acceptance and recovery he learns with the help of Louis and their children just how important family can be for the mind, body, and soul.

singing your praises

A fic by loubellies on AO3 | @loubellies on Tumblr | loubellies on Twitter

6k | Explicit | Louis/Harry | Tumblr post | Twitter post

Prompt 86: Louis rides Harry while wearing his packer’s jersey/sweater and gets his ass ate.

made for lovin' you

A fic by cuddlerlouis on AO3 | @cuddlerlouis on Tumblr | burntromances on Twitter

52k | Explicit | Louis/Harry | Tumblr post | Twitter post

“I’m in,” is all Louis receives. He blinks a few times, making sure he’s reading this right.

“For real?” he asks, just to be a hundred percent sure.

“Yes,” pops up. “How do you wanna pursue?” The alpha adds, like he’s on a special mission or something.

“I’m gonna call us a cab to go to mine. Once I know it’s here, I’ll leave and join you there,” Louis explains. “I’ll text you to go around five minutes before it arrives, so it doesn’t look suspicious, and our friends don’t notice us leaving together.”

“Noted.”

So Louis does, and ten minutes later, he’s sat in the backseat of a cab, next to Harry Styles, the person he hates the most but unfortunately still finds attractive. They’re on their way to fuck in Louis’ flat.

Splendid.

-

Or the one where a quick, horny decision ruins Louis’ summer plans, but may also lead to unexpected discoveries. Featuring the road trip of dreams, misunderstandings, and a bit of fate.

Stuck On You

A fic by WritewhatIwant on AO3

34k | Explicit | Louis/Harry | Tumblr post | Twitter post

Louis’ life revolves around his stickers. Harry’s life revolves around his job. The universe has decided their worlds should revolve around each other.

On the Edge

A fic by zanni_scaramouche on AO3 | @zanniscaramouche on Tumblr

47k | Explicit | Louis/Harry | Tumblr post | Twitter post

Figure skating is as vital to Louis’ identity as his DNA, so when his skates go missing right before the last Olympics of his career there may be a meltdown only vanilla bath salts can fix. Well, that and the stupidly charming hockey player he met on the plane.

Harry’s too old to be the wonder kid and too young to be taken seriously in the NHL. As an alternate thrown in at the last second, he fights to prove himself on the national team at the largest sporting event known to man. Or he will, once he gets off this flight and can focus on something other than the fussy figure skater and his stunningly blue eyes.

A baggage mix-up skews both of their perfectly laid plans for gold, forcing the two to work together as the clock clicks towards the minute they’re expected to shine on centre ice.

Be a Good Girl For Me

A fic by wannabebestseller on AO3 | @sincetheywere16and18 on Tumblr

9k | Explicit | Louis/Harry | Tumblr post | Twitter post

Based on this prompt: “AU where Harry is Louis’ older brother’s best friend. He catches Louis dancing around his room in panties and blackmails him, saying that Louis has to do anything he says or else he’ll tell Louis’ family that he wears girly underwear. Secretly soft for him, Harry gives him easy tasks and uses the whole thing to spend more time with Louis. Eventually, the orders begin to escalate and Harry teases Lou about his secret, making Louis shy and embarrassed. Louis loves the attention though, and forms a crush on his brother’s best friend. Lots of feminization, secret relationship, and enemies to lovers. Thank you!”

dripping like spider milk

A fic by raspberryoats on AO3 | @raspberryoatss on Tumblr | raspberryoatss on Twitter

64k | Explicit | Louis/Harry | Tumblr post | Twitter post

When he sees the alpha, his brown hair curling around the top of his neck and his broad back that’s filled out over the past couple of years, Louis freezes for a moment. The alpha turns around, Louis’ surprised expression mirrored on his own for a fraction of a second before he schools it into a big, yet shy grin and a wave of his huge hand. With his nostrils flared, Louis knows that he can smell him, too.

They never hired alphas, except for—

“Harry.”

or prompt 110: Louis is a retired porn star and he gets invited back to test a new line of sex products the company he worked for is releasing (would include photoshoots and videos of Louis sampling certain toys). Harry is there to photograph, film, and intimately help him along the way (preferably in a private setting).

But It's Useless

A fic by thinlines on AO3 | @thinlinez on Tumblr

26k | Explicit | Louis/Harry | Tumblr post | Twitter post

“Hey.”

Louis was even hallucinating now. He closed his eyes.

“Hey, you.”

He chuckled wetly, head still leaning against the door.

“Can you get out of the way? You're blocking the door.”

He exhaled sharply before slowly turning around. His eyes fixed onto muddy Nike trainers before it traveled up to impossibly short jogging shorts. The yellow color was atrocious, simply ghastly.

“What happened to being polite, Harold?”

OR Omega Louis would never guess that he would be trying to hack into Alpha Harry's Wifi. That is until everything changes when he tries to get to know his enemy.

Yours To Lose

A fic by loulicate on AO3 | loulicaterecs on Twitter

26k | Mature | Louis/Harry | Tumblr post | Twitter post

“I think I know the person that matches your descriptions of your dream alpha.”

“Who? And oh not my dream alpha, god you’re making me sound like a teenage school girl. I’m a mum, H.” They laugh as they watch kids gather in front of the verandah, getting ready to go back to the orphanage.

“Well, you’re gonna have to find out.” Harry winks before standing up to start cleaning their spot.

-

Or Louis always gets distracted with his mummy duty and he eventually catches Harry's attention.

Sweet Scary Creatures

A fic by Specklesock on AO3 | @specklelouis on Tumblr | specklelouiie on Twitter

13k | Mature | Louis/Harry | Tumblr post | Twitter post

They stare into each other's eyes for a while until Louis remembers this is too intimate and looks at Harry’s hands on his thigh. It spans a big portion of his thigh and Louis has always been insecure about how thick he is, so he loves that Harry has huge, dustbin hands that hold him and makes him feel smaller, safer.

We Are But Dust and Shadows

A fic by louisbarnes on AO3 | @tomlinsonbarnes on Tumblr | dreamersdiving on Twitter

51k | Explicit | Louis/Harry | Tumblr post | Twitter post

“Um, okay. I’m going to…” Harry gestured over his shoulder and gave the two of them an awkward smile.

“Wait! You got a letter.” Zayn held out the letter and Harry’s face dropped. He took the letter from Zayn, gaze locked on it like it was a bomb ready to explode. “What is it?”

“Probably just from the New York Institute,” Harry muttered. He hurried away, ripping the envelope open as he went.

“Remember when you said you didn’t want to fuck him?” Zayn broke the silence and Louis scoffed.

“Quite clearly, actually.”

Zayn grinned. “Your eye twitches when you lie.”

“Fuck off.”

Or: Louis is part of a well respected Shadowhunter family, and Harry is the Mundane turned Shadowhunter who just can’t seem to get it right.

it's hard to fight naked

A fic by bluestarwitch on AO3 | @loustarlight on Tumblr | IwtstarIight on Twitter

11k | Explicit | Louis/Harry | Tumblr post | Twitter post

Prompt 6: Louis and Harry are roommates, but they cannot stand each other. When Harry heard Louis moan his name while Louis was riding a dildo in Harry’s room (Louis thought he was alone at home), Harry couldn’t stop himself and so he ended up fucking Louis against the mattress. Happy ending!

or where Louis leaves dirty socks on the couch, Zayn does assignments while he's high, and Harry is hopelessly crushing on his roommate.

social cues

A fic by outropeace on AO3 | @outropeace on Tumblr | outropetals on Twitter

56k | Explicit | Louis/Harry | Tumblr post | Twitter post

To Harry, Louis was becoming as tangible and essential as music in his life. He still was a mystery but at the same time, he was one of the most real things Harry had. He just hoped he could live up to the image Louis probably had in his mind of him.

He could play the part, after all, what was published of him wasn’t as detached from reality. He didn’t think of himself as a rockstar cliche, although he couldn't deny he did sleep around, partied a lot, and did some drugs. But then again, wasn’t that what the majority of his friends back in his hometown were doing at college?

Harry wanted to impress Louis, he didn’t want to disappoint or leave his expectations unfulfilled, so he’d give him the full rockstar experience.

It was a very simple plan, what could possibly go wrong?

hereafter

A fic by larryent on AO3 | @larryent on Tumblr | oflarryent on Twitter

13k | Mature | Louis/Harry | Tumblr post | Twitter post

"A legacy is every life you’ve touched. And you’ve touched mine twice."

On the coast of San Franciso in 2024 is when Harry falls in love all over again.

OR

“This thing upon me is not death but it’s as real, .... this thing upon me like a flower a feast, believe me is not death and is not glory.” — Charles Bukowski, old man, dead in a room

smoke between your teeth

A fic by soldouthaz on AO3 | @soldouthaz on Tumblr | soldouthaz on Twitter

37k | Explicit | Louis/Harry | Tumblr post | Twitter post

“Alright, fine. What is it, then?" Louis asks. "Give me the best you’ve got. What’s this big reason why I smoke?"

Harry’s head lolls backward on the back of the sofa, a dopey grin on his face even though his eyes are already halfway closed - that look he gives Louis when he’s about to spout some incoherent bout of psychological bullshit.

“Oral fixation,” Harry mutters as delightfully as he can muster, his tone suggesting that it should be obvious.

--

Louis tries to stop his addiction to cigarettes and discovers he's been addicted to Harry for much, much longer.

calm me down (before i sleep)

A fic by leeanndarling on AO3 | @erodiansunflower on Tumblr | leeann_darling on Twitter

6k | Explicit | Louis/Harry | Tumblr post | Twitter post

Prompt 24: Harry is a sex shop owner that has a crush on Louis, the shy customer who flirts with him while buying cute buttplugs, lace panties, and collars. One day, Louis asked Harry to help him put on a corset (they end up fucking in the dressing room). Things escalate quickly from there, so they start seeing each other seriously while trying other sex stuff.

This World’s Ashes

A fic by sunshineandthemoonlight on AO3 | @sunshineandthemoonlight on Tumblr

34k | Explicit | Louis/Harry | Tumblr post | Twitter post

The man stares at him, and all Harry can hear is his own heartbeat, racing.

Then the stranger turns away. He walks a few paces and bends down, picking up a large knife from the ground and shoving it into a pouch attached to his belt.

“I won’t hurt you, you know.”

Harry’s eyes snap up to the man’s face. He’s looking at Harry sincerely, palms held up as though in surrender. There’s still a knife in his right hand, though, so Harry is only slightly reassured.

Harry swallows to combat the dryness of his throat, and then says, “I won’t hurt you either.”

A post-apocalypse AU where Harry, battling his past as he survives in the woods, has learnt not to trust anyone except his dog. Then Louis crashes into his life, with his bright spirit and soft lips, pulling Harry from the depths of a loneliness he hadn’t realised he was drowning in. But there is danger lurking, and Harry’s not the only one wrestling with his past.

A Springtime's Wilt, an Autumn's Bloom

A fic by snowcaplou on AO3 | snowcaplou on Twitter

20k | Explicit | Louis/Harry | Tumblr post | Twitter post

“What about you Harry? Maybe you should apply for the position,” she teases.

“Oi! You better not be trying to get rid of my best driver-- I can’t go looking for a replacement, I’m too busy!” Louis says with a playful slap to Savannah’s shoulder. It's jestful, like the rest of their conversation, but there is a possessive bite to his words-- my best driver-- the words bounce through Harry’s ears until he can just hear the words my and mine. It falls deaf on Savannah’s beta senses, but for a minute Harry thinks he can sense the same words zooming through Louis’ thoughts.

My, mine.

My alpha.

And woah, Harry’s taking it too far. At least, he thinks he’s taking it too far, but when he looks back up from his plate, Louis’ eyes are heavy on his, and for a fleeting second, Harry can pretend he heard Louis say it.

OR

Harry is Louis' personal chauffeur, and although he hides his feelings for his boss behind a wall of rigid professionalism, Louis still manages to squeeze through the cracks.

Starlight’s Crossing

A fic by smittenwithlouis on AO3 | @smittenwithlouis on Tumblr | smittenwlouis on Twitter

30k | Explicit | Louis/Harry | Tumblr post | Twitter post

He can picture it so clearly, as he holds onto Louis’ sleeping body. How they’d go exploring every inch of the galaxy without a care in the world. He builds a fairytale future in his mind, one that includes marriage, kids, and growing old together. Even after such a short time together, Harry knows that he’d say yes to anything and everything this man ever asked for. He’d follow him to the ends of the galaxy if that’s what Louis wanted.

And that thought terrifies Harry.

Or: All it takes is one night for Harry and Louis' life to change forever. Fast-forward four years, and they embark on an adventure of a lifetime across the universe.

Floating

A fic by littleLouve on AO3 | @larents on Tumblr | louvees on Twitter

10k | Explicit | Louis/Harry | Tumblr post | Twitter post

The one where Louis has control over water in every form but he doesn't know what to do with it. Harry is here to guide him.

don't want no other shade of blue

A fic by padfootyoudog on AO3 | @louisisworthit on Tumblr

43k | Explicit | Louis/Harry | Tumblr post | Twitter post

“I know you’re putting on an act,” says Harry after a moment, and Louis scowls when he realises the prince is actually amused.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” says Louis.

“All I’ve heard over the past couple of years are rumours of Prince Louis’ kindness, and generosity, and oh, he’s so handsome I can barely pour his tea without shaking!” says Harry, putting on a silly, high-pitched voice for the last bit. Louis’ scowl deepens. “I would already know if you were just another selfish, bratty omega prince. You can’t fool me, darling, but I admire your efforts.”

“As you said,” Louis grits out, “those are only rumours. I assure you, I’m a terrible person.”

—

prompt 339: it was foretold that Alpha Prince Harry would be mated to a beautiful male omega with eyes that could rival the stone amethyst, but Omega Prince Louis refuses to believe it.

Loving You's the Antidote

A fic by neverheartbroken on AO3 | @neverheartbroken on Tumblr

5k | Explicit | Louis/Harry | Tumblr post | Twitter post

Prompt 302: Alpha Harry & Omega Louis are divorced but still spend each other’s heat/rut together because they only really trust each other but things get complicated when Louis (or Harry, author’s choice) spend it with someone else. Cue angst with a happy ending. (Prompt Inspiration: Prompt 98 from the 2019 BLFF)

dirty laundry looks good on you

A fic by tomlinvelvet on AO3 | @tomlinvelvetfics on Tumblr

50k | Explicit | Louis/Harry | Tumblr post | Twitter post

When Louis Tomlinson finds his clothes lying in a sad soapy mess on top of the washing machine in which they are supposed to be, he acts upon his anger and retaliates. What he doesn’t expect is having to deal with a six-feet tall, curly-haired and dimpled man in return, who seems to arouse confusing feelings within him and to make his life take an unexpected turn for the better (or worse?).

OR; the utility room is a great place to fall in love.

no good unless it's real

A fic by fackinglouis on AO3 | @fackinglouis on Tumblr

17k | Explicit | Louis/Harry | Tumblr post | Twitter post

“Here,” Harry says, pulling a strap off his shoulder so he can dig his phone out of his bag. “We can get each other’s numbers.”

 Louis shakes his head. “I have the practice’s number already,” he tells him. “And my number is definitely on file somewhere.”

Harry pauses, smile quirking a bit as he stares at Louis. The sun is still in his eyes, though, with his sunglasses pushed up onto his head still, so Louis credits his funny face to that.

“I’m trying to give you my number, Louis,” Harry explains around a breathy laugh.

“Oh,” Louis blinks, processing that. He scratches his temple, moves a piece of longer fringe back behind his ear, and then nods. “Okay.”

Or: Louis is a very busy farmer who’s just trying to make it to his next nap and Harry’s the new hot vet that’s determined to infiltrate every area of his life.

Since the Future

A fic by bluestarwitch on AO3 | @loustarlight on Tumblr | IwtstarIight on Twitter

49k | Explicit | Louis/Harry | Tumblr post | Twitter post

"It's done."

The words were barely above a whisper when they left Harry's mouth, but they hit Louis with the force of a freight train. It was done. Holy fuck. They had created a time machine. And tomorrow, they were travelling to the future.

To Love without Reason

A fic by MuggleMirror on AO3 | @mugglemirror on Tumblr | mugglemirror on Twitter

8k | Not Rated | Louis/Harry | Tumblr post | Twitter post

“Come on in, soldier,” Louis pats Harry’s chest and walks away, leaving Harry to follow behind.

Harry stands in the living room, looking around at Louis’ dwelling. Family pictures placed high on a shelf, certificates of Louis’ practice, and other trinkets that make Harry entirely too nostalgic.

“I have to warn you,” Louis says as he puts the kettle on, the water droplets from his hair trickling down the golden skin of his back. “The door jams if you lock it so you'll have to leave it ajar.”

Harry acknowledges with a soft hum, too entranced by Louis’ glistening skin to form a coherent reply.

Sedative Duty.

A fic by daddyharrie on AO3 | @daddyharrie on Tumblr | daddyharrie on Twitter

46k | Explicit | Louis/Harry | Tumblr post | Twitter post

Pop-star of the moment Louis Tomlinson is on his third-world tour. He decides to hire renowned professional dominant Harry Styles to unwind while on the road. In an effort not to raise suspicion by the crew, fans, and press,  Harry pretends to be his bodyguard. He ends up being far more than that.

You and I 'till the day we die

A fic by Allmylovelarrie on AO3 | flightlesslarri on Twitter

10k | Explicit | Louis/Harry | Tumblr post | Twitter post

Prompt 124: A fic inspired by Groupie Love by Lana Del  Rey, where Harry is a Rockstar and Louis is his cute little boyfriend  who tries to hide himself in the middle of the crowd. (Preferably set in  the 80s)

Give So Much (Not Enough)

A fic by skinsuk on AO3 | @wifeylouis on Tumblr

24k | Mature | Louis/Harry, Louis/Alex, Harry/Tess | Tumblr post | Twitter post

“For my little lion,” Louis slid the smoothie bowl in front of  Oscar, letting him dig in with his little hands. “And for daddy.”  

He didn’t process the bowl in front of him, the  push across the table causing a raspberry to roll off and fall on his  lap, because Louis calling himself mummy may make him feel all sorts of  mushy emotions, but Louis addressing Harry as daddy was suddenly having a  very different effect on him. Since when did Louis saying daddy out  loud render him speechless?

“Daddy’s still  sleepy, but we’re up bright and early right Ossie?” Louis’ cooing shook  him out of his daze. The man coughed, picking the raspberry off his lap  and swallowing it with unintentional, and very unnecessary, eye contact  with Louis. “Well, is it better than your protein smoothies and why?”

Harry chuckled, spooning another heap of the strawberry banana goodness into his mouth, “Way better sweetheart.”

A friends to lovers au with tons of mama Louis and domesticity.

New York's Beauty

A fic by nocontrol_lou on AO3 | @saxophone17 on Tumblr | nocontrol_louis on Twitter

5k | Mature | Louis/Harry | Tumblr post | Twitter post

Prompt 104: AU where Harry is an alpha wolf and  Louis is a hybrid kitten. They were roommates. While they were arguing  about something stupid, Harry wanted to bend Louis over the kitchen  table and knot him right there. He slowly accepted his feelings and  extreme desire for Louis, so he started to tease the hybrid until he  would beg Harry to fuck him. They fall in love. Louis needs to feel comfortable with the camera so Harry fucks him until he is blushing and calm and gentle.

feeling borrowed, always blue

A fic by falsegoodnight on AO3 | @falsegoodnight on Tumblr | falsegoodnight on Twitter

67k | Explicit | Louis/Harry | Tumblr post | Twitter post

Louis’ own heartbeat picks up, eyes widening right as  Dr. Zoyansky hits a button and the unsteady pattern of thumps echoes  into the room. His breathing hitches, eyes watering as the rhythm seeps  into his insides and reverberates in his mind. A heartbeat.

He doesn’t register the tears at first, eyes fixed to the screen and vision blurring.

The  situation seems insane. Here he is, twenty-four years old, sitting in  the examination chair and listening to the heartbeat of his future  child, clutching the worn material of his changing gown with pale  fingers, one of which is weighed down by a gaudy engagement ring.

And  most noticeably - he’s entirely alone. It’s just him in the room with  his doctor, experiencing one of the most groundbreaking, life-changing moments of his entire life and he’s all alone.

-

Or, Louis has been dreaming of his wedding since he was young - he just never expected that it was going to happen like this.

Hamartia

A fic by tomlinvelvet on AO3 | @tomlinvelvetfics on Tumblr

66k | Explicit | Louis/Harry | Tumblr post | Twitter post

Eight years is a long time for Louis to mend his heart  back and erase every lingering, stubborn memory of his ex-lover, Harry  Styles. But when news of the war being over spreads across the world  like wildfire, and he stumbles upon the alpha he vowed himself to never  see ever again, he realises that not even a lifetime will be enough for  him to pick up the scattered, broken parts of his soul. He's far from expecting the alpha he loved to struggle the same way.

All the ointments in the world might never soothe the pain out, but it doesn't  take long for both of them to come to the conclusion that, maybe, the  only medicine to their heartbreaks are what caused them in the first  place.

moonlit sky over gentle waters

A fic by stardustx on AO3 | stardxstlwt on Twitter

11k | Explicit | Louis/Harry | Tumblr post | Twitter post

"The King of the Pirates! Captain Harry Styles! The one  who conquered the seven seas!" Louis boasts, sarcasm drips from his  tone, mocking him.

The bar is clean, but he still scrubs just as  fervently, his brows furrows and a small pout forms on those pink lips  Harry desperately wants to kiss. He looks down, dubiously, at the  address in his hand.

“Every lass and lad dreams of bedding a  pirate like you.” Louis huffs, gazes up at him with a despondant look  that reminds him of a grumpy kitten.

Silence fills the space as Harry mulls over his words. He finally looks up at Louis, blinking slowly. “Do they really?”

"You're an idiot."

-

OR Harry left his hometown to sail the seven seas and returns seven years later, yearning for something — or rather, someone  — that he isn't sure he can have.

Short and Sweet

A fic by 5ft9 on AO3 | cinnamouroll on Twitter

29k | Explicit | Louis/Harry | Tumblr post | Twitter post

Louis is a shy university student in a world scarce of  male omegas.  He's always dreamt of having an alpha despite his sheltered  upbringing,  fantasizing about being loved and cared for. He's  immediately smitten  by the mysterious alpha with curly hair, broad  shoulders, and the  addictive coffee scent.

under thorn and bramble

A fic by thedeathchamber on AO3 | @louehvolution on Tumblr

32k | Explicit | Louis/OMC | Tumblr post | Twitter post

Prompt 445: A historical AU where Louis is working as a  servant on a farm. The family that owns the farm is exceedingly cruel  to him and he is often exhausted and in pain from his work. A mysterious  stranger boards at the farm and is very intrigued by Louis, but Louis  doubts his interest in genuine. Any pairing fine.

Late night devil put your hands on me (and never, never, never ever let go)

A fic by summerandsunshine on AO3 | sunshine_Iou on Twitter

12k | Explicit | Louis/Harry | Tumblr post | Twitter post

Harry is a demon that feeds off of people’s nightmares. He finds his next meal in Louis’ dreams where he changes and molds them to become scary nightmares. Soon harry learns Louis is a lucid dreamer- he can act on his own in his dreams. They interact in the real world and have sex in the dream world. when Louis catches feelings the devil, Harry promises to come back to earth once and for all.

No Easy Choice, But You’re Mine

A fic by alltheselights on AO3 | @alltheselights on Tumblr | alltheselightts on Twitter

45k | Explicit | Louis/Harry | Tumblr post | Twitter post

Louis’ feet pound on the pavement as he runs, and the echo reverberates through the alley behind him. He drops the gun near a trash bin as he passes, his gloved fingers ensuring that it will never be traced back to him.

He’s panting, his thighs ache, and there’s a cramp forming beneath his ribs on the right side, but all of that is nothing compared to the exhaustion clouding his brain.  

I can’t do this anymore, Louis thinks.

Or: Louis is an omega hitman with one last job that goes a little sideways. Harry is the alpha bartender that looks a little too closely and cares a little too much.

Joker Is Wild

A fic by Typosmyown on AO3 | @palosquared on Tumblr

19k | Explicit | Louis/Harry, Louis/Various | Tumblr post | Twitter post

Prompt 390: A reality show AU where Louis, Harry, Liam, Zayn and Niall are selected to stay at confined in a luxury mansion for 1 month, where they are required to have explicit, graphic sex at all times, like a porn Big Brother kind of show. Every week there are several different sexual tasks and trials that they must overcome together, which all ends in orgasms for all of them. When the boys all discover Louis is strictly a bottom, and a slutty one at that, they all can’t wait to get their hands on him. Bonus if other hot celebs are there too, like Shawn Mendes, for example. Includes lots of hard gay sex, rimming, blowjobs, gang bangs, ass worshipping (Louis ass, of course) and double penetration.

The Pirate and The Piper

A fic by jacaranda_bloom on AO3 | @jacaranda-bloom on Tumblr | jacaranda_bloom on Twitter

38k | Explicit | Louis/Harry | Tumblr post | Twitter post

Banished from Neverland by Captain Hook and the evil Siren Minerva, Louis is forced to live in the Other World. He makes a life for himself, resigned to the fact he’s never going to see his beloved home and Lost Boys again. Five years later he’s kidnapped and returned to Neverland, only to discover a far worse fate awaits him. But with an unlikely ally by his side, can he overcome those who seek his demise and restore freedom to his homeland?

Or the one where Harry is Hook, Louis is Pan, and nothing is what it seems.

Coeur de Pirate

A fic by louizsv on AO3 | @ashleyjohnsonfanaccount on Tumblr | piccadillyplum on Twitter

34k | Explicit | Louis/Harry, Louis/OMC, Louis/Harry/OMC | Tumblr post | Twitter post

He tilts his chin up as the Captain strides across the deck, his footfalls falling loudly against the planks. The crew watches them from afar.

Stepping into his space, the Captain wraps an arm around Louis’ waist and pulls him in. He lowers his head to breathe his words against Louis’ cheeks. “I won,” he whispers, “I’ve come to claim my prize.”

if you're feeling lonely

A fic by ifthat on AO3 | @lovehl on Tumblr | omegalouis on Twitter

12k | Explicit | Louis/Harry | Tumblr post | Twitter post

The guest list is on the desk. Louis runs through it and stops a third of the way down when a familiar name catches his breath.

Harry Styles.

All he has to do is verify whether Harry Styles is the same Alpha whose scent beckoned him closer.

it's a game we play in the sheets

A fic by loubabyworship on AO3 | @strawbabyloucake on Tumblr | pillouprincess on Twitter

9k | Explicit | Louis/Harry | Tumblr post | Twitter post

“Louis is… He’s a boy I’ve been talking to.” He bit his lip, grin evident. “After I watched one of his videos during a Harry Reacts a few weeks ago I messaged him and…”

His sentence was cut short by the sound of a timid little “Hi” being whispered into his ears.

Harry closed his eyes for a second, pausing to take in the online presence of the real-life fairy, before he opened them and smiled. “Hey Lou. Ready to play with me?”

Mind Over Matter (You Under Me)

A fic by youreyesonlarry on AO3 | @youreyesonlarry on Tumblr | youreyesonlarry on Twitter

73k | Explicit | Louis/Harry | Tumblr post | Twitter post

It’s dark outside when Harry finishes practice for the day.

--------

Prompt 21: Harry stopped playing hockey (after 10 years of a professional career) because of a severe injury. The dream he worked so hard for vanished in the blink of an eye. His family insisted that he had to go to physical therapy, even if it only helped his health. Cue to personal assistant Louis, the most efficient and kind PA one could hire.

--

View the 2020 BLFF collection here.

View the 2019 BLFF collection here.

[holycatsandrabbits]

Tollense, an original serial romance by Dannye Chase, Chapter 5

A history professor falls in love with his best friend, a 3000-year-old vampire.

READ FROM THE BEGINNING

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Chapter 5

CW: blood

This chapter has 2 versions: a T-rated one here on Tumblr and an E-rated one on Ao3. The plot is the same, but there’s smut on the Ao3 version.

1999 (Two years later)

The second inhuman creature Liam met was named Bennett, and Liam liked him about as much as he liked sand in his socks. Bennett was tall and thin, with a pretty face and a predatory look in his eyes that completely spoiled it.

Liam was walking across campus on an unseasonably cold night (for Florida) and now that he’d come upon a vampire, he was glad for the light scarf he’d wound around his neck. Bennett fell into step with Liam as if they were old friends. “Looking for Kurt,” he said. “Heard around town that you know him.”

“Sorry, I can’t help you.”

Bennett peered at him more intensely, and when Liam recoiled a little, Bennett grinned. “Guess you’ve spent enough time with him to know what I am. So, uh— how good of friends are you? Cause I should tell you I really picked you out by the fact that I can smell him on you.”

Liam decided he was not going to think too hard about that one. “Was there something you needed?”

“Just want to catch up with him. Been a while.”

“Well, I’m sure he knows you’re here.”

Bennett looked confused. “How would he know that?”

“I have no idea how he does it. In any case, if he wants to see you—”

Kurt’s voice cut in, startling Bennett. “I don’t, particularly. But neither do I wish Liam to have to deal with this.”

Kurt was ahead of them on the sidewalk, a shadowed shape sitting on a half-wall by the library. Liam recognized him easily by the fact that it was difficult to decide exactly how large of a person was sitting there in the dark, as the outline of him seemed to shift restlessly. Kurt’s voice fell low, and almost seemed to ripple the air around them. “Get away from him.”

Bennett took several steps back, and Liam wasn’t sure whether Kurt had used his mental powers to compel him into moving, or if he’d just scared the man badly enough. Kurt stood up off of the wall and stepped in between Liam and Bennett. “What do you want?” he asked.

Bennett was cringing. “Look, man— if you can just give me a drop. I’m in trouble, pissed off some guys. I’ll pay you. Anything. I can get you whatever you—” Bennett’s voice trailed off and his eyes grew wide, terror growing on his face. Abruptly he turned and ran, disappearing into the dark.

When Kurt turned back to Liam, he looked completely normal. For Kurt, anyway. So only a tiny bit terrifying, if you looked closely enough around the eyes.

“A drop of what?” Liam asked. He started heading for home again, and Kurt joined him, watching Liam intently, assessing him. Liam didn’t comment on it. He’d learned that protests of his well-being were useless when Kurt was worried about him, that Kurt would perform his own examination and be satisfied only with that.

“My blood,” Kurt said finally, when his analysis had apparently ended. “A drop of it can heal humans’ wounds, and although I’ve never tried it on a vampire, I imagine it would make them stronger. They sometimes come asking for it. I’ve just never found one who wanted it for a good reason.”

Liam was not in the habit of asking Kurt a lot of questions, largely because it was more comfortable sometimes not to know an answer, and Kurt seemed to make a practice of telling Liam the truth. Liam decided to ask anyway. “So, how did you know I’d met your, ah, friend there?”

“I know what happens to you,” Kurt said.

Liam watched him for a second, doing his own assessment. “You know I’m going to accuse you of mind reading.”

Kurt turned and met his eyes, an odd expression on his face that looked a little like bewilderment and a little like a reluctant confession. “I don’t need to. I just know. Listen, Liam, are you busy tonight?”

“You don’t have plans with Jonah?”

“No, he’s out with friends.”

“Ah. Did you get a chance to—”

“I’ll eat when he gets home, if he’s up for it.” Kurt was looking at him curiously, probably because Liam didn’t usually call attention to the fact that Kurt’s lovers provided him with blood. “Do you want to head to Tollense?” Kurt asked. “It’s midnight in Germany. Site should be deserted.”

“Are you remembering something about your origins?” Liam asked.

“I’m not sure.”

Liam nodded and Kurt slipped a hand under his elbow. Their next step brought them down into a darkened river valley. The grass would be green in the sunlight, but under the stars it ran gray and then faded to black in the distance. The Tollense River was more of a sound than a sight right now, the pleasant noises of gently moving water emerging from a dark void.

It was actually warmer in Germany that night than Florida, and Liam unwound his scarf. He sat on the grass and looked up at the clear night sky.

“I think there was a bridge,” Kurt said.

“Makes sense,” Liam told him. “A bridge is a natural place for a battle. People would want to be in control of movement through a strategic point.” Liam tried to imagine the valley as it had looked three thousand years earlier, during a large-scale Bronze Age battle that historians had once thought impossible in this sparsely populated area. Kurt had been here then, young and vulnerable and a great many other things that he would never again be.

“I’m pretty sure I was on a boat under the bridge,” Kurt said. “I remember people falling, and some of them landed in it.” Kurt dropped onto the grass beside Liam. “And I was still looking for that same person that I can’t remember.”

“That’s not bad for three thousand years ago,” Liam said.

“I don’t remember dying,” Kurt said. “You’d think that would be a memorable event.”

“Are you sure you did?” Liam asked.

Kurt looked pensive, and Liam wanted to tell him that he could let go of all of it, the human mask that he tried so hard to keep on, that it wouldn’t frighten Liam to see him as he really was. But Liam wasn’t entirely sure that was true, and he was certain that it would break Kurt’s heart to think Liam was afraid of him.

“You still think I’m not a vampire,” Kurt said.

“Maybe. I mean, yes, you drink blood, but your powers are different, your blood is different, and if you never died—”

“I have the scars from the arrows in my chest. At some point, I must have been vulnerable to weapons.”

“Well, you were human. And now you’ve— changed.”

“There’s something else,” Kurt said. “It’s happened on our last three trips here.” He pointed, and Liam looked, but all he could see was the occasional glint of starlight reflected in the river. “There’s a dog,” Kurt said.

That was not what Liam had been expecting. “A dog.”

“Yeah. A large white dog. I thought he was real until I realized you don’t see him. And also, he’s got six eyes. I couldn’t see him well enough at first to notice that, but he comes closer now.”

Liam fought a little shiver. Surely with Kurt by his side he was in no danger from a spectral dog. And anyway, if Kurt thought there was danger, he’d have Liam nowhere near it.

“Six eyes,” Liam mused. “You know, in Proto-Indo-European mythology, there was sometimes said to be a three-headed dog guarding the underworld.”

“He’s just got the one head.”

“Yes, but he’s got enough eyes for three.”

“I suppose so.” Kurt sounded amused. “But why would a dog from the Underworld be appearing to me?”

“I’ll do some research.” Liam lay back on the grass, alone in a field at night with the first inhuman creature he’d met, and this one was not pathetic and frightened but incredibly dangerous and also quite sweet. Liam decided he’d like to ask another question. “Does it hurt? When you drink blood from someone?”

“No. Well, yes, but I convince them it doesn’t.” Kurt lay down too, but on his side, looking at Liam. “Actually— I usually make it feel nice.”

“Nice.”

“Very nice.”

Liam turned to look at him. Kurt’s eyes were glowing faintly in the dark. “Oh. You mean— nice.”

“Listen, Liam— you and I—” Kurt frowned, almost seeming nervous, which was not a common look for him. “When I drink blood from someone, we form a connection. Something that ties them to me, lets me know if they’re all right or in trouble. I’ve wanted that with you, for a long time. Because we’re— we’re close. But the thing is, it’s been happening anyway.”

Kurt was losing his human disguise a bit. His shape in the darkness was shifting about again. “I know where you are, and what’s happening to you. I know if you’re sick, if you’re hungry. I know when you get those damned threatening letters because they scare you.”

“Why?” Liam whispered.

“I don’t know.” Kurt looked honestly confused. “But you and I already share a greater intimacy than I’ve shared with anyone in a very long time. If I drank from you— we’d be even closer. Is that something that you would want?”

“Yes.”

Kurt was assessing him again. “You’re scared.”

“Not of you.”

“If we do this— whatever you’re scared of might not remain your secret.”

Liam felt a little wetness in his eyes. “I don’t think it’s a secret now.”

Kurt lay there looking at him for another moment, and then he sat up. Liam started to sit up as well, but Kurt put a gentle hand on his shoulder and Liam lay back down. Kurt’s hand trailed down his arm to grasp his wrist, holding him loosely, as if Kurt wanted him to have a last chance to pull away.

Liam did not pull away, and Kurt raised Liam’s wrist to his mouth. The bite was painless. To Liam it felt like a kiss, the soft, warm press of Kurt’s lips against his skin, and there was only a sort of odd lightheadedness that made him realize he was losing blood.

After a moment, Kurt raised his head, and there was a touch of color to his lips, a sort of stain in the darkness. “Do you want the full show?” he asked.

“Seems a shame to miss out,” Liam answered.

*********

Read the E-rated ending on Ao3 or continue for the T-rated ending. The plot is the same, but there’s smut on the Ao3 version.

**********

Kurt lowered his head again, but this time instead of biting, he licked at what blood had welled up on Liam’s wrist. Liam found himself floating in a daze, where every movement of Kurt’s lips or tongue brought him further into bliss. He felt the bite this time, and it was the perfect sting of pain to make the pleasure seem even sweeter. Liam moaned, and he heard Kurt make some sort of light growling noise in return.

The night and the stars seemed to fade away and there was only Kurt. Liam felt dizzy and entranced, his body and mind not his own, as Kurt drank his blood and gave him this pleasure as reward.

While Kurt sat unaffected above him.

It ended before Liam could really understand what a bleak thought that was, that he was alone in this ecstasy, not wrapped in his lover’s arms. He felt Kurt’s mouth move away from his wrist. The bliss gently ebbed away, letting Liam settle back into himself as he lay there on the grass. And yet Kurt was not gone. Liam could feel him inside, close and warm. Not in a sexual way, not anymore. But there was the realization that Kurt had felt Liam’s moment of reluctance and responded to it, maybe not understanding why it was there, but accepting it nonetheless.

Kurt lay down again, so that he could look into Liam’s eyes. He still had hold of Liam’s hand, and he’d laced their fingers together.

“Wow,” Liam said.

Kurt smiled, looking both pleased and sad. Or maybe Liam could tell that Kurt was feeling both pleased and sad. Liam, for his part, felt dizzy and a little cold, and Kurt pulled him close, resting Liam’s head against his shoulder. Liam fell asleep that way, on a battlefield three thousand years old, in the arms of a man who might have died there or perhaps could never die at all.

*******************

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Updates Fridays on Ao3 and DannyeChase.com (rated E), and Tumblr (rated T)

Want to create fic, art, or other works based on this series? Please do! Just dm or tag me.

My previous serials are for Good Omens: Mr. Fell's Bookshop and Love's Endless Light

My Carrd

[drmmyrs]

Caught in the Act (Becca x MC)

My first smut fic you guys!! I’m very new in the tumblr/writing community so I’d really appreciate feedback/constructive criticism. Also, English is not my first language so forgive me for any grammatical errors. Hope you enjoy and if not, thanks for reading anyways :))

P.S. Should I do a part 2??

Pairing: Becca x MC (Emily)

Word Count: 2300

Warning: Smut and some swearing

A/N: In this scenario, Becca and MC didn’t hook up during freshman year.

You were just about to leave when James stopped you with a book in his hand. "Can you give this to Becca? She left it in class this morning." You placed the book in your bag and bid James goodbye.

***

When you arrived home, you remembered that Zack, Kaitlyn, and Chris will be out late tonight. "I wonder if Becca's home," you mumbled to yourself. You grabbed Becca's book from your bag and proceeded to walk to her room. As you near her room, you noticed that her door is slightly ajar. You heard a whisper of your name coming from behind the door, barely audible that you weren't sure if you heard it right. Curiosity got the best of you, and you slowly crept towards the opening, your eyes widening at the sight in front of you. Becca is lying in bed in her underwear with one hand under her brassiere and the other underneath her panties, her hips slightly hunched upwards. When she noticed you at the door, her eyes widened but before she could say anything, you shouted, "sorry!" as you darted to your room. As soon as the door is shut, you pressed your back against the door, heart beating out of your chest as you processed what you just saw.

***

Hours go by as you contemplated going out of your room to have dinner. After you had mustered enough courage, you crept towards the kitchen, hoping and praying that you won't run into Becca.

As you were about to eat, you heard faint footsteps coming down the stairs and a few seconds later, Becca comes into view. When your gazes met, she quickly looked away, seemingly frozen in place. She looked as if she was contemplating if she'd rather starve than face the embarrassment of the earlier encounter. As she started heading back upstairs, you lamely said, "wait! I made dinner and... uhh.... eat with me?"

Becca slowly turned around, her eyes still not meeting yours. After what felt like forever, Becca finally decided to join you. You both ate in incredibly uncomfortable silence which you tried to alleviate by making small talk. "So... how's your day?"

"It's... okay," Becca said awkwardly, stabbing at her food.

You winced at her response. The Becca you knew would have already made a sassy remark about some girl's mismatched outfit or how some creep had tried to ask her out or anything that had annoyed her really, which is, to say the least, a lot. Ever since her fall out with her father and friends, you became the primary receiving end of her rants and annoyances, which you don't mind at all, as long as you're not the source. In fact, your playful banter with the blonde is something you had grown to look forward to. However, the recent encounter might temporarily halt your daily ritual, and the thought didn't sit well with you. She shouldn't be embarrassed, really. It's normal. You do it too. Not that you'll ever say that.

As the silence that followed grew and became deafening, you scrambled to say something, anything. "You left a book in your class earlier, and James asked me to give it back. That's why I was..." you trailed off. Really? You couldn't think of anything better to say?

Thankfully, Becca said, "so, where are the dorks?" successfully changing the subject.

"Kaitlyn has practice, Chris is hanging out with the team, and Zack said he was sleeping over at Grant's tonight."

"Right."

"Do you wanna watch a movie later?" you blurted out. Maybe if you hung out and talked about other things you could both forget about what happened.

"... what?"

"A movie... there's this movie I wanna watch and... I mean only if you're not doing anything." You held your breath as you prepared for the impending rejection.

But then Becca said, "sure, why not."

After you finished cleaning up, Becca settled on the couch as you prepared the snacks. "Do you want some wine?" you called out.

"Uh-huh," Becca answered absentmindedly while scrolling on her phone.

You sat on the couch beside Becca, handing her a glass of wine, and pressed play. You tried to focus on the movie, but your mind kept drifting back to a certain sight much more captivating, a sight that left you hot and bothered ever since. It didn't help that beside you was Becca, wearing a tank top and a tight skirt that hugged her curves in all the right places. You've always known how hot Becca was but you've never allowed yourself to think of her that way. After all, fantasizing about someone who had clearly despised you would only end up badly. But seeing her touch herself, whispering your name... no, not your name. You must've misheard, right? Right. There's no way she thought of you like that.

You didn't realize how much you've been drinking until Becca grabbed the bottle from your hand and said, "quit hogging all the wine."

Halfway through the movie and bottle of wine, you and Becca became more comfortable, exchanging commentaries about the movie, the earlier event seemingly forgotten. Except that you haven't forgotten and, frankly, you didn't want to forget.

"So, you're saying that he's potentially the most intelligent being, right?"

"Yeah?"

"Doesn't look intelligent to me. I mean he could've just wiped out all the assholes and we'd be in fucking paradise. Not to mention, people were half as many before, and it wasn't really a better time then, was it. The number of people isn't the problem here nor the lack of resources."

You raised your eyebrow at Becca. You have never seen her so riled up at a superhero movie before. No, you haven't seen her so riled up at anything but America's Most Eligible before. "Okay then, Aristotle, what do you think the problem is?"

"It's the selfish, rich assholes being selfish, rich assholes, duh."

You couldn't help but laugh. "Like you weren't once a selfish, rich asshole."

"Once? Are you saying that now I'm a selfless, humble angel?" Becca mused, sporting a dazzling smile.

"No, I'm saying that now you're just an asshole. I'm definitely the selfless, humble angel." And then you both burst out laughing.

As your laughter died down, Becca scooted closer to you and rested her head on your shoulder, the sudden move of affection rendering you frozen. You didn't know what was more intoxicating, the alcohol or Becca's perfume. After a brief deliberation, you reciprocated the gesture by leaning your head on top of hers.

"So, tell me, if you had any superpowers, what would it be?" you asked.

"I'd like to be able to fly. When I was a kid, I'd see Lily flying and imagined I was flying beside her."

"Okay. Where will we go?"

"We?"

"You're not leaving me behind, are you?

"Of course I am. You'll just drag me down." You raised your head, shooting Becca a playful scowl.

Becca rolled her eyes. "Ugh, fine. You could be my sidekick."

You shifted closer to Becca as her head nuzzled against your neck. "What crimes would we be fighting?"

"Crimes of fashion, of course."

"Like you didn't commit one when you had those awful bangs," you teased.

"Careful, Emily. We're gonna be a thousand feet in the air. We wouldn't want someone to accidentally fall, would we?"

You chuckled. "Like you would do that."

"Oh, you don't think I can?"

"Come on, Becca. We both know you'd be lost without me."

After several beats of silence, Becca lifted her head to face you, her face serious all of a sudden. "You're right. I would be." The air in the room immediately shifted as she proceeded to caress your face, her touch sending your senses into overdrive. Her fingers trailed down to your lips, and your breath hitched from anticipation. "Becca, I-" Before you could finish, Becca pressed her lips against yours, muffling your next words. The kiss was slow and sweet at first but quickly became more fervent as you pulled her onto your lap with one of your hands at the small of her back and the other behind her head. Becca looped her legs around your waist as she ran her fingers through your hair, flicking her tongue against yours in a hot, open-mouthed kiss. When you pulled apart for air, you trailed kisses down to her neck and nipped gently, eliciting a moan from Becca. Becca then placed her hand under your shirt as she pulled her body closer to yours, the space between you two becoming nonexistent.

"Emily," Becca groaned, her voice a hoarse whisper. Becca saying your name is nothing new. In fact, you have heard her say it in anger, annoyance, disgust, tears (not your fault), laughter, more annoyance, but never in a million years have you expected to hear her say your name with so much want and desire; it was utter music to your ears. She was now grinding against your lap, her wetness seeping through the fabric of her panties matching your own wetness. You pulled her in for another kiss, roughly gripping her hips as she continued to grind against you.

"Should we move this to the bedroom?" you panted between kisses. Becca unhooked her legs from your waist and planted her knees on both sides of the couch, hastily removing her top and then helping you out of yours. I guess that's a no then. The thought of someone walking in on you ravishing each other naked both thrilling and terrifying, fueling your arousal.

You pulled Becca in for another kiss, your hand darting to the hook of her bra and expertly unclasping it in one swift motion. She attempted to do yours but you leaned hard against the couch, blocking her efforts, earning you a frown. "In a while, Becs. I just wanna see you first." 

Becca pulled back from you, giving you a better view of her body. You reached out and slowly pulled down the straps of her bra, your fingers grazing her skin as your eyes locked with hers in a heated gaze. As you finished removing her bra, your eyes were greeted by a breathtaking sight, knocking you speechless. Sitting on you is a freaking goddess.

Becca smirked down at you as if pleased by your reaction. "As much as I want for you to ogle me all night, I believe it's my turn."

She leaned towards you and practically ripped your bra off. She then took a moment to appraise your body as her lips curled into a smile. "I can't believe you've been hiding this from me."

"I didn't really have a reason to be naked around you, did I?"

She raised her mouth towards your ear and sultrily whispered, "Well, now you do. And I'm gonna enjoy every. single. inch," before sucking a sensitive part behind your ear, and you swore you came just a little bit then. Overcome with desire, you placed your hands underneath Becca's skirt, grabbing her perfectly sculpted ass as you hoisted her up further, making her yelp as she staggered upward, her hands now gripping the top of the backrest with her breasts directly in front of you. Having better access, you brought one of your hands to her front, only a thin fabric separating you from her.

"You're so wet, Becs," you murmured as you started rubbing against the drenched underwear.

"Ohhh... god... Emily," Becca whimpered, her hips moving against your fingers to gain more friction.

"Tell me what you want me to do, and I'll do it," you softly uttered as you brought your other hand to her breast, softly massaging it while your nose teased the hardened nipple on her other breast.

"Touch me. Fuck me... oh, please. Fuck me hard," Becca begged.

You swept Becca's panties to the side and inserted two fingers with ease, pumping them slowly, exploring her walls, her crevices, her depth, then gradually increasing the tempo as your mouth latched to her nipple, sucking greedily at the swollen tit.

"Ohhh fuck... yes... there... that's it.... ohhh that feels so good."

You slowed your fingers down a bit as you added a third finger, stretching her further, thumb pressed firmly against her clit. Becca was now gripping your hair tightly, pushing her breast further into your mouth as your tongue flicked vigorously against her nipple. Her other nipple was attended by your thumb and index finger, pinching and rolling roughly - the pain indistinguishable from pleasure.

Becca had now lost all inhibition to keep silent; her moans echoed throughout the house while she rode your fingers in wild abandonment. She was basically screaming as you quickened the thrusts, her body struggling to keep up with the pace.

"Emily... Oh god... I'm about to..."

You redoubled your efforts, wanting to give the blonde her release. After a few more thrusts, Becca exploded, crying out in pure, carnal pleasure as your pumps slowed down, riding the waves of her orgasm. After you finally withdrew your fingers, Becca collapsed to your lap, her head slumped on your shoulder as you held her in an embrace. You gently kissed the back of her head as you lovingly caressed her back. After a moment of recuperation, Becca finally lifted her head and gave you a long, sweet kiss. When you pulled apart from the kiss, your foreheads are touching and your eyes closed. You stayed like that for a while as you breathed in each other's presence. When Becca leaned back, her smile was mischievous, her gaze playful. "Now that that's over with, shall we move on to the main event?"

"Main event?" you asked, cocking your head in confusion.

"You didn't think you'd get away unpunished, did you?"

Read Part 2

[struwwelzeter]

For a variety of reasons, I got into a bit of a rabbit hole about Richard's guitars, and my brain went "oh I know someone who will probably have opinions on this" so essentially, if you feel like it, pretty please talk RZK guitars to me? Favourite? Retired one that needs to come back? (Though I probably already know the answer, that fancy black one?)

Allrighty, buckle up because this is gonna be long. After much consideration I have decided to split it up in two parts because I don’t think I can make it fit into one post that is still vaguely tumblr appropriate, and I really wanted to do it some sort of justice. I still feel like I don’t. But oh well. Full disclaimer, I am NOT a guitarist, but I lived with a few, two of my best friends are pro players and I’m a sponge so I kind of soaked some bits and pieces up over the last 15 years. But in case any lost guitar hero finds this and disagrees with me over the finer points of tone wood: I know honey, I oversimplified, and I am wrong. I tried? 💜 for easier read I formatted everything specific to Richard’s guitars normally and anything general about electric guitars in cursive.

My main sources besides watching about a 100 a month of guitar tube videos (that is youtube for guitarists) with my ex, my main sources will be this interview and this.

Richard Z. Kruspe (of Rammstein and Emigrate)’s Guitars - In Order of Appearance, Part 1/2

Diamant (Les Paul Style)

“I traded the acoustic for a guitar called Diamant, which was like a Les Paul version in East Germany.” - RZK

Now I’m skipping the acoustic he started out with, because it’s basically impossible to know what that was, and go straight into the electric. Now presumably, it would have been something like this, a soviet build Les Paul rip off. The irony is that these still go for several thousands up on reverb today for being historical and collectors pieces. The thing is, that while anything east build might have used cheaper materials, I would assume this thing isn’t worse than any of the beginner/intermediate models sold today, if not better, and kids all over the world do decent stiff with those.

Something general about electric guitars is that you don’t really so much play the guitar, you play an entire system. The instrument doesn’t make the sound, it only influences it. You play a guitar - but you even more so play the amp. Which makes this a bit tricky, because an e-guitar is a slab of wood and a copper coil, and amps are way more complex. You can make the exact same guitar sound so many ways. Still - there are tendencies. The fact how and why and to which degree the shape and wood of a solid body (a guitar without a hollow wood piece) influences the sound is highly debated and can get a bit esoteric sounding to sane people non-guitarists, but there are some differences in how the general set up and build of the guitar changes things, and tendencies how they are traditionally outfitted. Les Paul style guitars are normally humbucker guitars, Stratocasters and Telecasters normally are outfitted with single coils. Usually a guitarist can switch - between using the bridge, the neck, or both (or more) pick ups and depending on where the pick up is located they pick up different frequencies, different aspects of the sound. Humbuckers produce a richer, deeper or fuller sound than single coils. Very roughly speaking, think the Stones vs. Metallica.

Fender Stratocaster

“Then in East Germany, we had this imagination to get one of the great guitars, to me it was always the Fender Stratocaster because it was the Jimi Hendrix guitar. I didn’t know anything about pickups or humbuckers or whatever. So there was this guy that I met in a café in my old hometown and he was buying all these books because he could get all the books out through customs and he would store them in my apartment. So we became kind of acquainted. He would come over and pick up the books. So one time he came over and I asked him if he could get me a guitar and bring it over. In East Germany, if you exchange money from East to West it would be like 1 East mark and 20 West mark. SO everything I had, I changed it to West Mark and I gave him the money and I gave him the money and asked him to please buy me a Fender Stratocaster. I gave him the money and I didn’t hear anything for like three months, nothing. I wasn’t able to call because we didn’t have phones and stuff like that – it was a different time. So I thought fuck, I gave him 1400 west mark and now he’s gone and never coming back. [...] Then my imagination was so high, I thought the guitar would just play by itself and I wouldn’t really have to do anything, which I found out was bullshit. I was really happy that I had the guitar but it wasn’t really the sound that I had in mind.” - RZK

The first time I heard that story, I literally went “no, no, no, don’t be stupid, don’t give him your money, you won’t even like that guitar, stupid, lost dumbass.” I can not, for the life of me, imagine him play anything other than humbuckers. He apparently does use single coils for some things today again in the studio, but still, it’s so obviously wrong. He did play one again sometime during the late 90s, but I couldn’t find anything on the pick ups he used with that, but can hardly imagine he kept the original, unless he needed it for a specific sound maybe in one or two songs. I get it though. For many, many people the Fender Stratocaster is THE guitar. Jimi Hendrix is the main reason for that, but it’s also the countless idols that picked it up after him for the same reason, people who ended up plastered on the walls of angsty teenagers in their own right. This totally has to do with the whole amp thing aswell. You see your idol play that type of guitar ... but it’s not even half of the sound, and it won’t sound the same. Maybe probably they changed the pick ups, they have an effect rig, the spend hours fiddling with the knobs on an amp you can never afford. It’s never the same. Which is why ...

Fender Telecaster Black Gold

Then I had a guitar that I was very fond of. It was an older black and gold telecaster – there weren’t very many of them made at that point. I put a Seymour Duncan Jeff Beck SH-4 in there, like a humbucker. I remember it was like my beauty guitar and I needed someone to put that pickup in and I was with Paul and he had more experience with that stuff than me so he would get out a hammer and a chisel and he start banging away on it and I was like ‘Fuck! Fuck! Don’t do that!’ but we put the thing in there and it was one of my favorite guitars” - RZK

... this one first didn’t really make sense for me for him. It’s even more a classic single coil guitar than the Strat is, and it only really started making sense for me when I learned he Paul indeed put a Humbucker in there. It’s a stunningly beautiful guitar, and weirdly non-modern for him. I don’t know why and this is completely instinctual on my part, but I find it fitting he played it during that time after the wall came down, which seems to have been a rough time for him generally, it seems like a somehow super emotional guitar, this relic. Telecasters were some of the first electrics ever build, it’s such a pioneer, but it’s also one that alot of punk bands used, possibly because they were old and cheap in the 70s and noisy and people customized it and put other pick ups in. The whole putting a chisel to it and adding a humbucker into it is such a “I’m gonna make whatever I have fit for me, and I’ll love it” move. If you look at it, a double coil pick up is really something you have to force to go in there, you really have to break it open. There is also this:

“... and then I think I had to sell it because I needed drugs or something. I was really sad that I sold it because I was at a very low point in my life.” - RZK

If I would get the chance to do one thing only for him to thank him for his music, I would go back in time to that Richard who is just sad about selling that guitar and hug him, and tell him he doesn’t need to worry, because they will name guitars after him in the future. It breaks my heart so fucking much. But of course, it’s what opens the doors to what happens next, which is ...

ESP 901

“That led me to my very first convention in Frankfurt. With guitars, it is like with women, you have to fall in love. Sometimes you get a guitar and you fall in love later but there has to be some sort of connection with it. So I was walking around that convention and I saw that guitar hanging at the ESP stand. It was a 901 ESP Sunburst and I was looking at it because it was such a beauty. And I was walking around for hours – they probably thought I was some weird guy who wants to steal the guitar. I bought that guitar and that’s how I got connected with ESP.” -RZK

He might have fallen for it because it is pretty, but it did come with a ESP double humbucker set up, with an added condensator to muffle up the sound, although not yet an active one (more on that later). It was a 90s metal guitar, one of those things marketed to the Metallica generation, something loud and heavy and full. Also, and this is where I will put in another general insert, there is something else about the choice of electric guitars that we haven’t talked about yet.

Now, I’ve discussed that you can push or pull the sound of a electric quite far in one or the other direction with what pick ups you use, what effects, what amps. But what this ignores is that especially standing up a guitar is a really shitty asymmetrical piece of equipment. And what that does to your body is that it needs to fit you, your hands, and your playing style. Some people prefer it chunky, others like sender. Guitarists, especially the 80s shredders, like to talk about a “fast neck”, which is another one of those things that get slightly esoteric, but which usually means a slimmer neck and slightly bigger frets, that need less way for your fingers to press until the string gets stopped. Someone who plays very bendy blues might dislike that and prefer something to dig in their fingers more down to the fretboard to get more control over how they bend the string. There are different neck profiles, there are different neck lengths, and all of it contributes to how comfortable someone might find their guitar.

I am mentioning this, because until today, Richard’s guitars are build very similarly to that ESP 901. His Eclipse Model is a tad different (again, more on that later), but the one he uses the most, the RZK I, has the same neck scale, similar frets, and that comfortable ESP slender neck. Even the shape seems to be inspired by turning it upside down. He has said in interviews that he hasn’t got very strong hands, and it makes perfect sense to me. I bought my own electric (again, more on that later) purely because I wanted to own one and not even so much because I ever had any real ambitions of learning to play it, but my friends at the time (10 years ago now) forced me to try out alot (!) of models (despite me knowing what I wanted), and the only guitars that I tried that had slimmer necks were Ibanez guitars, which in turn were wider. Ironically Frankfurt is my hometown, so the place to try a lot of different models is That exact convention Richard went to, and I haven’t skipped a Musikmesse in the last 15 years. I was at atleast one were Richard was too (I just didn’t care at the time, yikes), and it somehow greatly pleases me he found “his” guitar at that particular convention. Things have changed in recent years, but electric guitars always were in Hall 4.01, with ESP being left of center in the middle, and I don’t know, I can just see him walking in circles around it, and it makes me so emotional for him because it’s what musicians do at that place. It’s really loud, everyone is playing, there is someone better noodling around at every corner, and it can be quite an intimidating setting I think. And every year you see that one kid coming back and back again to that same stand, staring at that one guitar until they finally work up the nerve and ask to try it (or the staff takes pity on them and offer). And it’s the same everytime, they think “oh god they must think I am crazy” but really, nobody does. Everyone in that hall who owns a heart knows what those dreams are made of, and all it maybe does inspire is a “oh god, I hope that one makes it”. I digress. I think it’s more common now to look for different neck styles and companies started caring about it, but especially coming from Fender and Gibson guitars, that neck is honestly just very, very nice for weaker hands.

This is where I will stop, because it makes a good moment for a break and this post is honestly getting too out of hand otherwise. There will be a part 2 - where Richard starts using active pick ups, starts playing my favorite guitar in the whole wide world (and stops playing it), and finally, set up his own signature.

This is him with that 901 though: when he must have had it pretty much brandnew, while he used it, and right before he sold it.

[twistedtummies2]

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THINGS I WILL WRITE

Non-Kink Related Stories. (For things that do have kinks...keep reading.)

Soft Oral Vore (Fatal and Non-Fatal)

Digestion (how graphic it is can be discussed)

Belching

Facesitting/Butt Crushing/Rump Smothering

Macro/Micro or Same-Size/Full-Size

Stuffing (and Soda Chugging)

Post-Vore or Post-Stuffing Weight Gain

Sentient Fat

Mawplay

Belly Worship/Belly Smushing/Belly Smothering

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THINGS I WON’T WRITE

Possession AV

UB

CV

Food Chain Stories (or “Vore-Ception” stories, if you will)

Force-Feeding or Prey Fattening

Inflation/Weight Gain (when it’s not vore/stuffing-related)

Disposal Content

NSFW/explicitly lewd content

Overabundance of Cartoon Physics (except in non-kink works where this can apply; what I deem “overabundance” can be discussed in private)

Excessively Gory Content (what I declare “excessively gory” can be discussed in private)

Very Small Preds vs. Very Large Prey (Something like a SLIGHTLY shorter character consuming a SLIGHTLY taller one MAY be done, but something like a three-inch-tall mouse consuming a ten-foot-tall dragon is a no-no.)

Again, probably other things I just can’t think of right now.

THINGS I MIGHT WRITE.

Transformation into Food, Inanimate Objects, Etc. (I’m not into TF in the slightest, and I would rather avoid writing it as much as possible. HOWEVER, I may be persuaded to write it under certain circumstances, and for certain people.)

Hypnosis. (Depends on its use in the story and the characters involved.)

Foot/Paw-related Content. (I will NOT write this if it is the focus of the story. HOWEVER, I can be persuaded to include some minor uses of it within the course of a story where other elements are the focal point.)

Hard Vore. (This is similar to the previous point; I will not write it as the focal point of any story, but I might be persuaded to include minor uses of it in a piece with other elements as the focus.)

Prey Preparation. (Cases where the prey is treated as food in a more literal sense - things like being put into a sandwich and such. Anything involving actual cooking is NOT allowed; everything else can be discussed, it will depend on several factors.) Absorption. (Amorphous preds are not usually my game; stories involving blobby or otherwise unconventional things absorbing people, rather than eating them in the typical manner, may or may not be done under certain circumstances and for certain characters.) CHARACTERS

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[julgandomusicapontocom]

[S01EP08 - ENG - Trans] - instinct part 1, OnlyOneOf

Vignette: You are listening to Julgando Música Ponto Com, podcast where the MCs, Matteco and Nabi, share their opinions about musical projects. Follow our page on Instagram, @/julgandomusica, and also follow the official page of this podcast on the platform you are listening to. Without further ado, let’s start!

@/deusamabi: Long time no see, guys! [laugh] We are back, once more, and today our reaction is about the EP Instinct part1 of the kpop group OnlyOneOf. The group debuted in 2019 with the MV Savanna, and nowadays is composed of six members: KB, Rie, Yoojung, Junji,Mill and Nine. The group’s ex member and leader, Love, unfortunately left it in August, 2021. OnlyOneOf’s label is 8D Entertainment, which is a relatively small label, more known for being Hyewon’s (IZ*ONE) label.    

@/mattequinho: That’s right! Well, the choreography of one of the songs in the EP went viral on Tiktok, which brought more attention to the group. However, a lot of the fans who got into it after libidO became viral disappeared as fast as they showed up.   

@/deusamabi: For the kpop fans' happiness, we listened to more than only one song of the boys [laugh] and we thought it was fair to make an episode about them.

1st Track - libidO

@/deusamabi: The first track is “libidO”. Well, this is THE song. It’s the EP’s title track and it is also the one with polemic choreography we were talking about before. It’s just that this choreography is nothing if we compare it with the song itself. With only isolated parts, we might think it is just a regular pop song, however all the characteristics in it, mixed together, make it something more exotic than what we are used to in the kpop world. Actually, I wouldn’t call it “exotic”, but something that carries well the weight of the group’s own colours. An interesting fact is that when I was searching more about them, I read that they like to name their music as some kind of alternative/contemporary R&B, which explains a lot about how and why they sound like that.

@/mattequinho: Dude, what’s with this intro? This effect comes from far away with the drums… It’s lit! Then the pre chorus comes and the rhythm makes me realize that I would need more time to think about this track, because it brings several turning points, right? After 4 or 5 times that I listened to it, I started to get used to the transitions and didn’t think they sounded so different during the song anymore, you know.

@/deusamabi: Yeah, I think that while we listen to it more and more, we get used to the rhythm, and even though we get used to it, it doesn’t turn boring. I guess I listened it a thousand times, the only thing different from the first time I did it, it’s that my understanding of the song seems deeper and now I know how to sing the lyrics [laugh]. Speaking of lyrics, two amazing artists composed this one, Haeil and Xydo, who aren’t only lyricists but also producers and singers. We are gonna make an “aesthetic playlist”, including songs performed by both of them. We’re gonna add it to our episode’s official post on Tumblr, so you guys can check it out.

@/mattequinho: That’s right, guys! Now we have a Tumblr account for our podcast. There we’re gonna post the episode’s transcriptions in Portuguese, also links to media and stuff we mention, as well as translations of the transcriptions to English. The account’s name is the same as here, “julgando música ponto com”, but the “ponto com” (dot com) is written in a literal way, once Tumblr doesn’t accept punctuation marks in the username [laugh].

@ /deusamabi: Don’t forget to follow us there. Okay, well, carrying on, other names involved in the composition and musical arrangement were: SQUAR, WOON, and LVPS, besides KB and Nine, members of OnlyOneOf. I think this crazy mix is responsible for the final result that makes us addicted to it. I love this song, to me it is faultless. The first times I heard it, I thought the rap parts were a little weird because it didn’t feel like they belonged to the song, but now I’m used to it and I don’t think like this anymore. Okay, now I’m gonna mention what, to me, is the song’s backbone: the bridge and all of Love’s background vocals, the ones where he says “want you to sing on my body”,  gosh that’s crazy! This verse is stuck in my head, it’s one of those things that… That we know even when we stop listening to it (and forget about the song), twenty years later, one day randomly it’s gonna show up in our minds again. 

@/mattequinho: Yeah! [laugh] That verse was a wise choice.

2nd Track - instinct

@/mattequinho: The second track is called “instinct”... Friends,another great intro? What’s this? A movie? I’m sure that the people who produced this EP got very good credentials. The drastic change in the bridge left me asking myself if it was already the next track, and that this sudden change was one of the group’s traits. I didn’t know how I’d suffer in the near future [laugh]. Oh and the one who sang in the bridge! Amazing voice, right. (He’s talking about Love)

@/deusamabi: Man, this track is insane, first because it’s the same name as the EP’s name but it isn’t the title track, it doesn’t have an MV, also it’s super short, with only two minutes and twenty seconds. As Matteco mentioned, there’s a drastic change in the bridge that turns the song upside down before it goes back to the same vibe as before and then, out of nowhere, it ends. When you least expect it ends and that’s it. I feel like this track is some kind of “wake up, girl!” (this is a reference to a Brazilian entertainment program’s famous phrase) just to wake up the listeners [laugh] after the crazy trip that was libidO. The electric guitar at the beginning confirms my “wake up, boy!” theory… Guys… “Wake up, boy!”? What?” [laugh] [editor’s beep cut can be heard].

@/mattequinho: I made a comment about the producers previously, and well, a big crew participated in this one here. There aren’t any of the members or producers mentioned before. In this track, we’ve got: Le’mon, Jaden Jeong, Billie Jean (BADD), JJ Evans, K. Chozen, Candace Sosa and Irun; the last one belongs to the group of extremely anonymous producers that we can’t find any information about on the internet, and they must for sure be Ed Sheeran disguised [laugh].

@/deusamabi: Yeah, because we know that Ed Sheeran secretly has been making all of the kpop songs [laugh]. Anyway, guys, we didn’t find much information about Irun, but the other names are relatively well known in the industry; people who made songs for big groups like: LOONA, NCT, EXO, Red Velvet, Girls Generation, etc. So it’s not a surprise the song is good. Going back to the reaction, the key points I’d like to highlight are Mill’s background vocals, Nine’s voice that caught my attention a lot…And as I am a simple person, my favourite quote in the song, “I don’t want your love tonight 아프니까”, which we can translate as “because it hurts I don’t want your love tonight” (she gave the translation in Portuguese). Besides the fact that this sounded heavenly with Junji’s voice, I felt well represented. It’s a message of strength and resilience, guys! Sexy people also can be cheated on, let’s be more empathetic.

@/mattequinho: Right! [laugh]

3rd Track - byredO

@/mattequinho: The third track is… Wait a moment, I'm gonna let the airplane fly away. [laugh] Can you hear me?

@/deusamabi: Yeah��� wait, who passed by? John? (The word airplane in Portuguese sounds like the Brazilian version of the name John)

@/mattequinho: [laugh] The airplane.

@/deusamabi: [laugh] I swear I was like “what’s John doing at your house?” [laugh]. Kisses, John, kisses.

@/mattequinho: [laugh] Kisses, John! The third track is “byredO”. And that’s it, let’s stop it! I’m tired of complimenting all of this EP’s intros. The whistle gave me the feeling that the previous track is continuing in this one (in some kind of way), because “instinct” kinda has a country vibe(?), so putting “byredO” after it was a great choice. Wow, the R&B vibe killed me, this was my favourite song at first and it still is nowadays. I’d like to add how the explosive chorus is pleasant to listen to, and that’s it, this song’s fault is that it ends.

@/deusamabi: Right, here we have again lyrics by Haeil and Xydo, the composition is by both of them, as well as KB, Nine, senjí and Nap!er; the arrangement is by KB, Nine and Nap!er too. I think the song’s concept is interesting because it seems like there’s a vibe recap of “libidO”. Matteco talked about the whistle giving a continuation feeling, I guess it isn’t just that, the whistle is also the keypoint of the song [laugh]; it’s what makes the chorus addicting. I’m jealous because I don’t know how to whistle! [laugh] I gotta keep the feeling while singing just the “woo woo hoo hoo” part. About the track’s title [laugh], I hope they’re being paid for it, because it was a great advertisement for the Swedish brand, “byredo; I even had an episode when I wanted to buy a byredo perfume, but the lack of money stopped me [laugh]. If someone wants to send it to us as a gift, you can send a DM on Twitter or Instagram [laugh].

@/mattequinho: Right, I guarantee that we’re gonna answer very quickly [laugh].

@/deusamabi: Yeah! [laugh] Well, I think having put this name on a song that basically talks about fragr-... fra-gran-ces, I don’t know how to say this word guys, “fragrances”! I’ll start again [laugh]. It’s not my fault that I don’t know how to say “fragrances”! [laugh]

@/mattequinho: [laugh] This episode is going so well, man!

@/deusamabi: [laugh] Well, putting this name on a song that basically talks about “frÁ-grÁn-ces”? [laugh] and that has all this sensual atmosphere, was very witty, I simply loved it. It is also my favourite in the album, the quote “spray for me, spray for me every night” is top tier. I find it hilarious how easy it is to mishear it though, sometimes it kinda sounds like they’re saying “pray for me, pray for me every night”... (here Nabi makes a wrong translation of this quote into Portuguese, she actually translates it to something that means “pray to me” and not “pray for me”). By the way, sometimes when the song comes to my mind and I start to sing it, I end up saying “pray for me” then I stop and think “gosh, what is this that I’m singing?” [laugh].

@/mattequinho: Oh no! [laugh] Uh, I’m dead.

4th Track - tear Of gOd

@/deusamabi: Okay, so the fourth track is “tear Of gOd”, the lyrics are by Jaden Jeong and Le’mon once more, reinforcing the boys’ title as LOONA’s cousins. There are also XIMON, or “Simon”, I’m not sure of how we should pronounce it because I only saw videos where he was spelling the name, but it’s Hojin guys, who worked in that webseries, Woomanna, together with some of the OnlyOneOf’s members and the girls from LOONA. In the composition and arrangement, we’ve got SWEETCH and N!ko.

@/mattequinho: Man, what are the drums in this track? They’re everything. I was already enjoying and finding the chorus super addicting, then it comes the “3, 2, 1, drip it” and another transition happens, this time I might say that this one is which I like the most; and the rap verse+the voice are top tier and reminded me of  Big Sean’s vibe. Speaking about quality, I think this is the best, because it has a little bit of everything, including another addicting catchphrase: “I can’t stop my lust” [laugh].

@/deusamabi: That quote is amazing [laugh]... Okay, for a very long time this one was my favourite from the album, but with time I realized that the reason behind it’s not only because it’s a good track, but also because it’s easy to like its structure. So, after some months listening to it, I easily can imagine other groups performing the song well without losing artistic value. It’s a song made to be good, it doesn’t matter who is performing, what can be great but also can be not that good, if… If you compare with other tracks that have features which match better and in a unique way with the group. That’s it for me, I love it but compared with the other three it’s the least “OnlyOneOf”. However, although, nevertheless, I’d like to give my most sincere compliments to everyone’s voices, they sounded extremely pleasant along the track; highlighting Rie, who gave it all. 

Final comments | Marks | Merchan

@/mattequinho: Now we got to the final comments of this episode. First, I’d like to thank Nabi for making me listen to this project, it was really surprising and cool. It made me want to listen to other things by the group, which by the way I didn’t yet [laugh]. I’m still not ready, and just after we started to react and write the script for this EP, the group released a single [laugh], and I’m zero percent ready to check it out. So, my final mark is 8, and my favourite song is “byredO”, which was love at first listening, and it’s still number one in my heart.  

@/deusamabi: [laugh] My final comment is that this work is simply very good [laugh]. Guys, seriously, it’s hard to judge it or go into deep details here, because it’s something consistent, fulfills the concept well, it makes sense, sounds good, and tells a story. Surprising no one, my final mark is 9.5 and my favourite track are all of them [laugh], but I’ll choose “byredO” to make the whole nation happy. Oh… [Matteco laughs and says “yeah” interrupting her] You got happy, right? Naughty [laugh] (it’s a meme calling someone “naughty” like this in Brazilian Portuguese). I’d like to mention some curious facts for those who just got to know about the group after this reaction. In libidO’s MV description on YouTube there is… There is basically the explanation of the story, which is told by this album, so guys they already gave you the plot for the fanfiction ready, you just need to write, okay? One more thing, the physical album has four other tracks, very interesting [laugh], but we won’t go into detail, if you’re curious, buy the album and listen to them [laugh]. 8D Creative please come sponsor us [laugh].

@/mattequinho: Right! [laugh]

[Album gets a cow stamp (it tells that the work was judged as top tier). Cow’s sound effect can be heard]

Recommendations | Virtual Hugs | Ending

@/mattequinho: Now as a recommendation, I’ve got the tv show “Only Murders in The Building”, which tells the story of three neighbours who are addicted to the same criminal podcast, and because of that they decide to get together and try to solve a crime that just happened in their bulding. I recommend it because the main interesting point of this series is: we don’t just solve the main mystery, but we try to figure it out about the main character’s own mysteries. And my virtual hug goes to our friend, Mirian, who just came back home after a year and a half of a mission in another state.

@/deusamabi: Yay, Mirian, welcome back [laugh], woof woof woof. My recommendation is a k-drama that I got addicted to last month, its name is Imitation; it’s there on Viki for those who got the Standard pass, those who don’t have it can do the same as I did, and enjoy the trial week for free before canceling the subscription [laugh]. You can marathon it all, there are just twelve episodes. Well, it’s a simple plot, but at the same time I feel like it should be done; it shows a lot of the problemas idols face, there’s a classic couple with little chemistry, happy ending and a cast filled with idols. I cried in the last episode, recommed a lot. And my virtual hug today goes to… You guys who are listening to us. 

[Eding musical theme]

@/deusamabi: That’s it for today guys, don’t forget to follow us on social media and turn on the notifications of our podcast there on the platform you’re listening to. See you later! Woof woof woof!

@/mattequinho: Woof woof woof! 

@/deusamabi: And it died.

[Editor’s beep cut]

[recurring-polynya]

Tokusatsu Au where Rukia plays the lead actress in a superhero action show. Renji plays one of the villains and they are The most popular ship in the fandom. Bonus points if Orihime plays the main villain and loves every second of it.

This was the very first prompt I got, and I fell in love. Unfortunately, aside from a brief period of being grotesquely fascinated with Power Rangers as teen, I know almost nothing about tokusatsu. I did as much research as I could and I attempted to watch an episode of Kamen Rider, but my eyes glazed over halfway through. Anyway, please forgive my inaccuracies, I wrote this with my heart.

ao3 | ff.net

🏍    ⚡   🎬

“Uh, looks like we’re almost out of time,” the panel moderator for “High-Spirited Battle Clairvoyant Tomoe!: A Sneak Peak at Season 5” declared, “but would you be willing to take just a few audience questions?”

Head Screenwriter Kurosaki Ichigo glanced at Leading Actress Kuchiki Rukia out of the corner of his eye, and she gave a tiny nod.

“Yeah, sure!” he replied.

There was already a young woman waiting at the microphone, practically vibrating with anxiety. She was wearing a t-shirt that had ZabiTo4Ever!! handwritten in marker on it. Rukia knew, deep down in her bones, what the question was going to be.

“Hi, yes, hello, big fan of your work! My question is: are Tomoe and Zabimaru going to kiss this season?”

“No,” Rukia started to say.

“As you probably know,” Ichigo said loudly on top of her, “the show holds close to the core plot points of Kuna-sensei’s manga, although, because of her minimalist style, we do expand a lot of the dialogue and filler scenes. She has said in several interviews that High-Spirited Battle Clairvoyant Tomoe! is not a romance manga, so the odds of Tomoe and Zabimaru ever kissing on screen are very, very low.”

The young woman stared at Ichigo grumpily. “Does this also count Zabimaru’s secret college student identity, Satonako Takeru?”

Ichigo stared back at her. “Yes. It does.”

The next question came from a person wearing a full suit of HellKnight’s plasma armor made out of overlapping plates of cardboard. Rukia was kind of impressed by it. She wondered if he could sit down.

“Hi, Kurosaki-sensei, I am a huge fan of your work,” a voice emanated from deep within the cardboard. “I was wondering if you are influenced at all by fanworks, and if Episode 73: Pride is on the Line!: The Bake Sale Must Go On! was based in any way on the classic fanfiction, ‘Tell Me All Your Best Lies’? It’s the top story by kudos in the ZabiTo tag, which I might point out is the most popular shipping category on AO3.”

Ichigo cleared his throat gently. “I am contractually not allowed to read fanfiction, although I do enjoy fanart! There are some incredibly talented artists in the fandom, although for some reason, no one ever wants to draw pictures of Lead Screenwriters.”

“I’ll draw you, sleeping on the set like you always do,” Rukia offered, and that got a pretty big laugh. Rukia’s Tumblr of behind-the-scenes doodle comics was beloved among the fandom.

The next question was from a nonbinary person wearing a big poufy skirt and a hairstyle that would make their make-up and hair guru, Yumichika, sit up and take notice. “Hi, this is a question for Kuchiki-san! If the show is going to roughly keep pace with the manga, as it has done up until now, you should be shooting the storyline where Tomoe and Queen Bloodbuzz switch bodies later this year. I was wondering if you could comment on how you feel about filming that storyline?”

Finally! A good one! “Yes!” Rukia nodded eagerly. “I don’t usually like to speak for my fellow cast members, but Orihime and I are beyond excited about playing each other. We’ve been studying each other’s mannerisms and practicing already! Does anyone want to hear my Queen Bloodbuzz cackle?” She wagged her eyebrows as the audience cheered. “Here goes-- bwaHaHaHaHAHAHAHAAHAAAHAAAAAAAA!”

“Bonechilling,” Ichigo commented dryly as the audience erupted.

“Amazing, Kuchiki-san!” the moderator exclaimed. “I think there is time for one more, but this will be the last question!”

A tall girl in a full set of High-Spirited Battle Clairvoyant Tomoe motorcycle leathers stepped to the microphone. She was holding a notebook. “Hello!” she warbled. “In a 2020 interview with the Psychics and Sidekicks podcast, Abarai Renji was asked about his opinion on ZabiTo as a ship, and he replied,” she consulted her notebook, “‘Tomoe is such a cool lady and talented Battle Clairvoyant, and she always follows her heart and stays true to herself. I think that Zabimaru can’t help but be impressed with her, even though they’re enemies, and I always try to roll that into our on-screen interactions.’ I know that in the past you’ve refused to comment on the ship, but I was wondering if you had any thoughts on, y’know, his thoughts?”

“Well, he’s correct, of course, Tomoe is very cool and admirable,” Rukia replied, which drew a few laughs, although it seemed like the audience was leaning forward in anticipation of her answer. “Like I said, I don’t like to speak for other cast members. I’ll be doing a big cast panel with Abarai and Inoue and Matsumoto and Ukitake tomorrow afternoon, and I hope you all can make it! See you then!”

The moderator thanked them enthusiastically, and then Ichigo and Rukia slipped out the back guest entrance.

“Evasive as always, Kuchiki,” Ichigo teased.

“Whatever,” Rukia sniffed. “The higher ups say we’re not supposed to comment on stuff like that, and I was not commenting. By the way, how many secret fanfic accounts are you up to? Four?”

“It’s only three!” Ichigo paused. “I wrote that fanfic the guy brought up.”

“Of course you did,” Rukia sighed. “I do blame you personally for the popularity of the damn ship.”

“Me? Blame Kuna for making up two such sexy, emotionally constipated dumbasses!” Ichigo defended.

“Also, it’s not Ichigo’s fault that you and Abarai have insane chemistry.”

Rukia spun around, grinning. “Orihime!”

Rukia’s two co-stars, Inoue Orihime and Abarai Renji, the portrayers of Tomoe’s demonic archnemeses, stood in the hallway behind them.

“We sat in on your panel!” Orihime beamed. “You two were brilliant!”

“Don’t worry,” Renji added. “We were incognito.”

“Incognito” was relative, Rukia supposed, when you were at Tokyo’s biggest tokusatsu

convention.

Orihime was wearing a Zabimaru outfit so detailed that she probably could have won a prize down at the cosplay hall. She had the gravity-defying ponytail, the eyeliner, the insane widow's peak (complete with forehead tatts), the fangs, the motorcycle boots. The paper mache snake skull helmet was a little lopsided, but it was charming. She had her top zipped a little higher than canon, but that was forgivable, too.

Renji had taken the opposite tack of looking as much like a normal person-- or at least a normal Battle Clairvoyant Tomoe superfan-- as possible. Relaxed fit jeans and an oversized hoodie de-emphasized his ultra-fit physique. He was wearing a t-shirt with a very dramatic rendering of Orihime that said “Queen Bloodbuzz can step on me!” and a ball cap with the logo of Seireitei University, the fictional college Tomoe and Takeru attended.

“You think you’re in disguise,” Rukia pointed out, “but there are thousands of teen girls in this place with entire Tumblrs dedicated to your stupid face when you’re out of costume.”

Renji cocked an eyebrow at her. “You underestimate me, Rukia. I have bought… new sunglasses.” With a flourish, he whipped out a pair of the dorkiest wayfarers she’d ever seen, and flipped them onto his face. “I’ve disappeared! Who am I? Where am I?”

“You look really great, Orihime,” Ichigo said, his cheeks coloring a little bit. “Did you get Uryuu or Yumichika to help you with that costume?” In his continuing theme of doing things he wasn’t supposed to, Ichigo had finally started dating Orihime on the downlow around the time they finished up filming last season. It had done absolutely nothing for how shy he still got around her. They were, in Rukia’s opinion, cute as hell.

“Oh, no, that would be cheating!” Orihime replied, wagging a finger at him. “Well…maybe I did cheat, just a tiny bit. Renji helped me make the helmet and he held up references for me while I was painting on the tattoos.”

“Only the forehead ones,” Renji quickly added.

“He wouldn’t even offer feedback on my booby tattoos!” Orihime frowned. She leaned forward. “Rukia, how do they look?”

Ichigo turned even redder.

“Perfect, as in all you do!” Rukia replied loftily.

“What’s everyone got coming up next?” Renji asked. “I was thinking of slipping out and trying to pick up some real coffee.”

“I’m judging a villainess-themed cosplay competition,” Orihime chirped. “But I’m dying for a blueberry caramel iced latte. Renji, my henchman, pleeeeease!”

“Of course, my liege,” Renji replied in his Zabimaru voice.

It’s not like it had been a hard decision to accept the role of the motorcycle-riding, badass heroine of one of the most popular manga of the last decade, but it had turned out to be one of the best decisions of Rukia’s life. not just her career. Aside from a few of the money-obsessed executives, she liked nearly everyone in the cast and crew, but the fact that the fact that the ruthless, homicidal, literally Hell-spawned villains of the show were played by the two sweetest marshmallow people she had ever met just took the cake. Renji and Orihime had already known each other from some voicework they had done previously, and their excitement at working together on a live-action project had infected the entire cast from the start. Rukia wasn’t sure, but she strongly suspected that Renji was the one who had hyped Orihime up to ask Ichigo out.

“I have a writers’ workshop I’m moderating this afternoon, and I wanted to review the writing samples people sent in,” Ichigo said, scratching the back of his head. “I’d love to stop by that cosplay contest, though, at least for a few minutes.”

“You’ll be needing caffeine, too, then, eh?” Renji offered. “Hot, black, and in the largest cup they make, as usual?”

“Ugh, you’re the best,” Ichigo groaned. “You wanna power-up this season? Costume update? You know what? Maybe I’ll just have you defeat Tomoe once and for all, no one likes her anyway.”

“C’mon, you know I’m the world’s number one Tomoe simp, don’t do that!” Renji laughed.

Rukia rolled her eyes. “I’m free and I could use some fresh air. Besides, it’s going to take all your dumb muscles just to carry Kurosaki’s vat of coffee back here.”

“Cool!” Renji proclaimed. “We’ll be back soon!”

“Thanks, Renjiiiii!” Orihime waved.

“You need to stop off and put on a disguise?” Renji asked.

“No point in it, I always get recognized,” Rukia sighed, pulling her sunglasses out of her purse anyway.

“Here,” Renji said, plunking his hat on her head. “Maybe this will help.”

“Thanks,” Rukia replied, and then did a double take. “Whaaaaaat is on your head?”

“Shut up!” Renji laughed. He usually shaved his head when they were filming, because it made it easier to deal with the make-up and wigs, but since they were between seasons, he’d grown his hair out into a short, tousled mop of reddish-brown waves. He looked, for the lack of a better word, dreamy. “I shot a movie over the summer, and they wanted me to look softer.”

Rukia looked at him over the top of her sunglasses. “You didn’t tell me you were doing a movie!”

“Oh, it was just a little indy romcom thing. I wasn’t sure it was gonna pan out, I didn’t want to make a big deal out of it.”

“You were in a romcom? You’re kidding me!” They ducked out of a side door of the convention center into the bright sunshine.

“Yeah, it’s about a guy who goes to the gym to try to get ripped to impress a girl, and makes friends with me, this nice, already ripped dude who gives him lifting tips and encourages him a bunch. By the end of the movie, it turns out we have crushes on each other.”

“Oh, no, that sounds really cute, actually!”

“It was written by a woman who graduated from one of Ichigo’s writing workshops. The script was really snappy and Ichigo thought having someone like me as the gym guy would give it just a bit of campy cachet. You know what a good sense he’s got for stuff like that.”

“That was cool of you to go out on a limb a little,” Rukia replied.

Renji rubbed the back of his neck. “I’d been wanting to try something like that for a while, actually.”

Rukia blinked. “You aren’t… you aren’t thinking of leaving the show, are you?”

“Huh? No. No! No, the show means the world to me, I would never. But… it’s not gonna run forever, y’know?”

“I would have guessed you’d want to be a big action star or something!” Rukia said, throwing a few air punches. “That’s my dream!”

Renji stuffed his hands in the pockets of his hoodie. “Yeah, that’s what I thought I wanted when I first got into acting. I’d read the Tomoe manga, and I thought playing Zabimaru would be a good jumping-off point, besides just being a cool character overall.”

“Is that… not true?” Rukia frowned.

“Oh, I mean, I guess so! I didn’t really know about the fandom, though and… to be honest, I’m kinda into the idea that there are all these fans who think I’m complex and redeemable?”

Rukia regarded him out of the corner of her eye. “They just want to fix you.”

“Maybe! Ichigo made me read this one fanfic that was eight thousand words of the reader getting sick and Zabimaru making them soup? And feeding them the soup? I still haven’t decided how I feel about it.”

“How does he have time to find these things? Does he even sleep?”

“Anyway, it doesn’t hurt to be well-rounded and it was fun. I’m still mostly an action guy, but I wouldn’t mind doin’ something with a romantic subplot. A period drama or something like that. I look pretty good in hakama, you know.”

“I bet you do,” Rukia laughed. She squinted at him, but his expression was unreadable behind the shades. Renji didn’t have the classic leading man looks, not like her ridiculously famous older brother, but she could definitely see him as the best friend, the B-plot romance, with his cute, messy hair and that big doofy grin.

“By the way, I’m sorry you had to field that question about me spilling my romantic sensibilities on that podcast.”

Rukia laughed. “You didn’t even answer the question, either! These people are relentless!”

Renji stopped at a street corner and peered down the various possible directions they could go. “Which way feels like it might have a coffee shop?”

“You didn’t have one in mind before we left? I thought you knew where we were going!”

“Nah, I just like to go out and see what there is.”

“I can look up a map,” Rukia said, reaching in her bag for her phone.

“Let’s just go this way,” Renji said, stepping out into the street in the direction that had the WALK light. Rukia sighed and had to scramble to catch up with him.

“So, what do you think about it?”

“Huh?” Rukia asked. “Think about what?”

“Our ship. ZabiTo.”

“I can’t believe you just said that word out loud. And you know we’re not supposed to give our opinion on it!”

“Aw, c’mon, we’re not supposed to give public statements on our opinions. I don’t think there’s any harm in talking between ourselves. We’re in disguise, even.”

“‘Disguise’,” Rukia sniffed.

“You don’t like it, I can tell.”

“He’s a bad guy! Everyone always talks about chemistry, and that may be true, but I just don’t think that Tomoe could ever get over his acts of violence and cruelty.”

“Queen Bloodbuzz is cruel. Zabimaru is not cruel.”

“Okay, that’s fair, but still. He’s kidnapped just about all of Tomoe’s friends and or turned them into monsters at one time or another. He’s always setting Karakura Town on fire or flooding it with magic lizard goo. He ruined the sports festival.”

“Maybe the sports festival deserved to be ruined,” Renji muttered under his breath.

“Okay, you’ve got a point on that one,” Rukia admitted.

“It’s really clear though, that he’s got some agenda beyond just simping for Queen Bloodbuzz--”

“The simping for Queen Bloodbuzz is the most relatable thing about him, to be honest.”

“Granted. But, what if he’s got a good reason for everything he does, actually? What if he’s doing all of this against his own moral code as a means of infiltrating Hell itself and getting himself into a position of trust so that he can bring down the Lords of Hell from the inside?”

Rukia slipped her sunglasses down to the tip of her nose. “Does Kuna give you Zabimaru spoilers?” The reclusive creator High-Spirited Battle Clairvoyant Tomoe! was only barely involved with the television show, but she did privately meet with each of the cast members about once a year. Most of Rukia’s meetings consisted of Kuna giving her constructive criticism on her battle poses.

“No, mostly we practice sneering,” Renji replied. “But I gotta play the guy, so I gotta think about this, you know, what motivates him? I mean, you’re probably right, it would never work out. But unlike Tomoe, whose principles would call for her to ignore any attraction she has to him, Zabimaru has the freedom to pine for her, perhaps because his love is futile and he doesn’t think he deserves it anyway.”

“That’s kinda dark, dude,” Rukia frowned.

“Yes, well, that is the kind of character acting that netted me the 2019 Nickelodeon Kids’ Choice Best Villain Award, Foreign Language Category.”

“That’s literally what’s going through your head when you’re shouting that if I can’t make some sick motorcycle jump, you’ll turn all my friends into stuffed animal versions of themselves?”

“No, of course not! At those times I’m thinking about how much I love my job. OH! and what is that I see!” Renji struck an extremely Zabimaru pose. “A MISTER DONUT!”

“My hero!” Rukia exclaimed, unable to resist an opportunity to shout dramatically. “I’m sorry I doubted you!”

“I think we should get some donuts, too. Orihime loves donuts,” Renji declared.

“Oh, for sure,” Rukia agreed. She was thoughtful for a moment. It would be easy to move on to a different subject, the subject being donuts, but she wasn’t happy with leaving the last conversation hanging. “Look, Renji, just because I don’t like the dumb ship, you know that’s not a reflection on you, right?”

“Huh?” Renji replied. “You mean you don’t mind if I like it?”

“Well… I mean, I don’t, I guess, but what I really meant was, er… we joke a lot, but Tomoe and Zabimaru are just parts, y’know? Just because I don’t think Zabimaru isn’t good boyfriend material doesn’t mean I…” Rukia trailed off, suddenly realizing what she was saying. “Um. What I mean is. You’re very nice and probably one of my favorite people I’ve ever worked with and if someone I knew wanted to ask you out, I would definitely encourage them to, A+ guy, I’d say, probably would make a great boyfriend.”

Renji pushed his sunglasses up onto his forehead and regarded her for a long moment. “For the record, Kuchiki, I think that both you and Tomoe would make excellent girlfriend material.” While Rukia stood there and gaped like a fish, he turned and pushed open the door to the coffee shop. “Ichigo likes crullers and Orihime always wants the most colorful thing they’ve got. Do you know what you want?”

“I need to think about it,” Rukia squeaked. She wasn’t talking about donuts.

🏍    ⚡   🎬 

Bonus: Here are my notes from when I was making up the show. I hope this wasn’t too confusing!

High-Spirited Battle Clairvoyant Tomoe!

based on a manga by reclusive mangaka Kuna Mashiro

Head Screenwriter: Kurosaki Ichigo

🌟 Starring: 🌟

Kuchiki Rukia as Yukimura Tomoe, a spunky college student who can see ghosts and fights demons from Hell! She rides a motorcycle!

Inoue Orihime as Queen Bloodbuzz, a Lady of Hell, who seeks to gather energy from the Living Realm so that she can become the Supreme Ruler of Hell. Very aesthetic. Much bees.

Abarai Renji as Zabimaru, Queen Bloodbuzz’s ruthless henchman. He leads a double life as fierce-looking, but gentle-hearted college student Satonaka Takeru! What is his long game??

[theycallmebecca]

Be My Valentine: Part 7

Happy Valentine’s Day everyone! I’m both happy and sad that I’m posting the last part of Chris and Violet’s story. Your guys support this week has been amazing. Thank you so much.

Be My Valentine is a drabble series that I wrote for the Week of Love prompts for the HBC’s Valentine’s 2021 celebration. This series is for @the-ce-horniest-book-club​​.

Pairing: Chris Evans x Violet Hanson (OFC)

Rating: PG-13

Warnings: some language

Series Summary: Chris and Violet meet when he stops to help her with a flat tire in September. After bumping into each other again and again, Chris’s asks her out. The series follows several firsts in their relationship.

Disclaimer: This work of fiction is not to be reposted, used or translated without my permission.

Because of how tumblr can be with links (even if they’re just to other tumblr posts), I will reblog each part with a link to the masterlist.

Part 7: First Valentine’s Day

Valentine’s Day

Chris had the entire day planned for himself and Violet. Starting with taking Dodger for a nice, long walk at his favorite park.

Then the three of them would return home for a late breakfast before he’d suggest they go for a drive. Since Violet thought they were having a low-key Valentine’s Day, he knew she would say yes to going and then all of his plans would fall into place.

Chris smiled proudly at his reflection in the mirror. This time tomorrow, he’d be engaged to the beautiful woman singing in the shower behind him.

Violet had officially moved in with him at the beginning of February but had been an almost permanent part of his house since they’d returned from their Christmas trip. Most of her clothes had been in his closet by the middle of January and it had seemed silly for her to keep paying rent on a house she wasn't living in.

The night he asked her to live with him, they’d talked about other things, too. Things, like marriage and kids, that they had spoken about in general terms during one of their earlier dates. But this time the conversation had been more personal and to the point. While he hadn't actually asked her to marry him that night, he'd let her know that he wanted to marry her and wanted to have a family with her. And she had said likewise.

Which meant that when he proposed to her later today, it wouldn’t be coming completely out of left field. If anything, she would have spent the last two weeks wondering when and how it would happen.

A fact that made Chris whistle a happy tune as he left the bathroom to get dressed for their walk.

Armed with hot coffee and bundled up, they headed to the park for the first part of their Valentine’s Day. With his hands full with his coffee mug and Dodger’s leash, Violet slipped one of her gloved hands into the crook of his elbow to stay close.

They shared Valentine's themed stories from their youth as they made their way around the park, letting Dodger stop when he wanted to sniff around.

Eventually, they found themselves back where they started and got back into the car, turning the heater all the way up. Even Dodger seemed to be happy to be back in the warmth of the car as he laid his head on Violet’s shoulder.

It was as they were eating brunch, that Chris suggested they go for a drive under the guise of fulfilling part of Violet's wish of seeing more of her adopted state.

“Sure,” Violet agreed with ease. Then she glanced over her shoulder at Dodger, who was curled up in his bed fast asleep. “Are you going to wake him up to come along?”

“I figure we’ll let him sleep,” Chris replied.

While, in actuality, Chris’s mom was waiting for him to text her that they’d left so she could come pick up Dodger and take him to her house where he and Violet would go after the proposal.

He had to hide his grin behind his napkin as he imagined Violet’s reaction to seeing her parents standing in his mom’s house. He’d invited her siblings and their families to come, too, but only her parents could come because of work and school. The others, he’d been told, would be there via video chat.

Once they were finished eating, they cleaned up their brunch and then headed out to the car to go for a drive. He opened her door for her and then texted his mom as he made his way around the car to get in.

Not wanting Violet to get suspicious, he took them out a road in the opposite direction of their destination, the back road she took often. He had studied online maps to find the best route and had memorized it. As planned, the drive would give his mom more than enough time to get Dodger and get back to the house before they got there.

“I was not expecting us to end up on this road,” Violet said sometime later as she started to recognize where they were.

“Maybe we should stop for memory’s sake,” Chris suggested as he neared the spot.

“I suppose it would be romantic,” she replied, wistfully.

And in that moment Chris knew he’d chosen the right time and place. Putting his blinker on, he eased off the road and turned off the car, stopping at nearly the exact same place he’d stopped nearly five months earlier.

Getting out of the car, he made his way around and found her standing in the snow, her phone held above her head.

Knowing that was the moment, he took the ring box out of his pocket and knelt down behind her.

“Yup,” she reported. “Still no cell service.”

She turned and he saw her eyes widen in surprise. Then she was biting her lower lip and nodding her head even though he hadn’t asked her yet.

“Violet Renee Hanson, five months ago, I came to your rescue on this very spot,” he said, fighting back his own emotions. “I didn’t know then you were the one I’d been looking for. But fate did and they put you in my path again and again until I realized you were the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. Will you marry me?”

“Yes! Yes! A thousand times yes!” Violet exclaimed, tears running down her cheeks.

Standing up, he took off her glove to put the ring on her finger and then kissed her knuckles. Then he moved his hand up to her face and caressed her cheek, brushing the tears away before he leaned in and kissed her.

[tricktster]

Hey, I'm just letting you know I noticed some of your posts have been reposted on facebook by "Just Sock Thoughts"

Yeah, I feel like I get my Premium Original Content scooped by aggregators pretty frequently, and for the most part I don’t mind (or like... just don’t see it because I can’t bring myself to actually get into Instagram). But there are two aggregator incidents that stand out in my mind as particularly remarkable:

Incident 1:

I’d probably have a much bigger head about the relative frequency that one of my posts takes off if I didn’t know that becoming an Extremely Minor Internet Personality is way less about making good content than it is about... random luck, I guess. 

Like, this is actually a sideblog (so for any of my longtime buddies on here who might be wondering why I’m not following you? I prooooobably am). At the time I made this sideblog (2015-2016?), I never thought it would pick up more followers than the 200 or so I had managed to coax into following my main blog over the course of four-ish years. 

I was wrong, this account rapidly accumulated followers, and now I get scooped by aggregators on the reg. And like... it’s not like I’m doing anything different on this one than I was doing on my main, other than obscuring my identity a little better? I’m not funnier here, I’m not changing my formula, it’s just that I got enough followers when I first made this sideblog (through my patented process of Writing Explicit Undertale Fanfic in the Hopes of Getting Enough Monetary Donations That I Could Afford To Eat) that now even though I’m just posting my own weird niche bullshit on here, the odds are stacked in my favor towards any one of my posts picking up a lot of notes. If I posted the same exact thing on my extremely obscure main? The odds swing HARD the other way. In the 3-4 years before I made the trickster account, I was lucky to break 10 notes on a post, and 500 was as high as any of them went. 

Except for one. 

You’ve probably seen the post I’m talking about. It’s surpassed my most popular trickster posts by like... several hundreds of thousands of notes. I’m not linking it here for two reasons: 

A) I never scrubbed all my selfies off my main and I don’t need all y’all discovering that I’m hot as hell, and more importantly 

B) the post in question fucking sucks. 

It’s like the lowest effort meme, it’s smug and annoying, and it basically reeks of the worst era of r/athiesm. It’s the sort of shit that gets popular on facebook groups that wish they were “I fucking love science” but can’t achieve the same degree of quality... even though it’s an extremely low hurdle for them to jump. It evokes the concept of a fedora. Whenever I see it on tumblr, I want to hop in a time machine, travel back to the 17th century, convince Matsubayashi Henyasai to take me on as a pupil, train under his tutelage until he declares that I have mastered my chosen weapon, hop back into the time machine, travel to 2013, infiltrate my old apartment, and finally, at the precise moment my former self is about to click “post” on that dumbass meme, destroy her mouse, laptop, and cellphone with an incredibly accurate barrage of shurikens. 

Still, like... while it makes me cringe to my very soul whenever I encounter it, there’s a tiny part of me that has spent the last eight years just BASKING in the validation of knowing that there are several hundred thousand anonymous people out there who think I’m funny. It is not an attractive part of me, but shit, I’m an Extremely Minor Internet Personality, and you don’t become that unless you’re in some way motivated by the approval of anonymous strangers.

I’m giving you all this backstory so you can understand the significance of something that happened last month.

There I was, innocently scrolling through my news feed to see how my Trumpy uncle was justifying the whole coup thing, when I came upon a familiar image. I recoiled in horror, and then examined it more closely.

The Coolest Guy I Knew In College But Never Succeeded In Really Befriending (Because I Was Too Intimidated By How Cool He Was) had just shared my smug, cringy-as-hell meme from 2013 on his wall... and the version he had shared had been not only watermarked by one of the aforementioned wannabe “I fucking love science” groups, but also had a copyright symbol on it next to the name of some dude I’ve never even heard of.

THE MAELSTROM OF CONFLICTING EMOTIONS IS STILL OVERWHELMING ME TO THIS DAY. I AM WINCING. I AM INDIGNANT. I AM REASSESSING WHETHER THAT GUY WAS ACTUALLY AS COOL AS I THOUGHT HE WAS. I AM WEIRDLY AMUSED. I AM EXTREMELY CONFUSED. 

I AM SUSPICIOUS THAT SOMEONE MIGHT BE MAKING MONEY OFF OF MY NONSENSE, AND IF SO, I WOULD LIKE MY GODDAMN CUT. 

...

i’m fine

i’m gonna be fine

Incident 2:

This really requires a lot less elaboration than the last one, but @anagha-draws brought this aggregator post to my attention and I just can’t stop thinking about the fact that there’s a guy out there who got paid some amount of actual U.S. dollars to write a book report about the time I accidentally played WAP for my mom’s book club.