#there is like so much shit just rotting in my brain but yknow

[goblinbeetle]

" doctor "

[anachronisticmech]

When my brain actually comes up with a good idea for my mechsona FUCKK

[bewby]

.

[yonpote]

I need to know why and how you were anti-phannie from 2014-2016

alright here we go i get to talk about THIS shit now.

i was generally anti-rpf at that point, and honestly? i think it was for fair enough reasons as some people were a bit too eager about showing (general) youtubers stories they wrote about them sucking and fucking their friends. i think i was also pretty high and mighty about being a somewhat oldhead phannie tbh, like ugh do these gaming-channel-only people even know about dan being super edgy and offensive 🙄 and lowkey it was a lot of subtly misogynistic "i'm not like other girls" type shit like i was sooo much better than yall cuz i hadn't watched that video (yet.)

i was generally not into these sorts of fandoms to begin with. i wasnt on the superwhopotterlock side, i was on the homestuck/dangan ronpa/anime of the month side of tumblr, if that gives you an idea of what i was like lol. around 2014-15 i was very much in a community that is kinda similar to what you might see on twitter now, where if you had any interests in media that portrayed anything problematic, that means you are in full support of that problematic thing. if dan howell said something racist in 2010, it doesn't matter that he wasn't being racist in 2015 he's still racist and liking him makes you a racist etc. and of course, rpf is included in problematic topics. if you ship real people, even if said people say they don't mind it, you are a sick pervert and you should be in the loony bin for being so depraved. and if you write or read any fiction that has immoral acts, it means you support those acts in real life too and you are trying to normalize abuse and SA (yknow as if whitecishetpatriarchy hasnt normalized that enough) and you're a danger to children and you deserve to rot in prison (yknow as if a queer person writing stories about queer people hasnt heard that one before)

now here's the real kicker. in 2015-2016 i ran a game grumps fan blog where i did talk about shipping the grumps. "wait how were you anti-rpf if-" well have you ever heard of this thing called Lying? or perhaps even, Cognitive Dissonance? i HAD to run a separate blog for this interest, because if my friends knew i consumed slashfic about arin and danny they would stop being friends with me and think im this evil horrible monster etc. genuinely that was where my brain was at, and is a little bit the reason i decided to this day, to make my phannie accounts completely separate from my main accounts.

nowadays, none of my non-phannie friends actually give a fuck and i do occasionally talk about dnp being silly gay white boys w them! at this point i dont post about em on main just out of respect like "hey im sure you dont actually want to hear about british yaoi constantly regardless of our level of friendship so i'll keep it over here okay?"

also, yeah i grew out of thinking consuming media with deplorable acts makes me deplorable. my favorite tv show is hannibal. i know its shocking, but i dont actually support serial killer cannibals. i will say, i dont fuck with "pro/anti" language with regards to what is considered "problematic" or having that be an identity marker. i think that people are free to write fiction as they please so long as its all properly tagged for people who dont enjoy that kind of content to avoid. but i also think there can be and often are problems in the way these stories are written, and yeah if all the romance stories you read growing up involve some sort of force or danger, that CAN normalize this sort of action as inherent to romance stories/real life romance. but i think thats an issue with like, society at large, and it's not on an individual fic writer to be educating teens who read their dead dove fic despite the explicit rating and tags.

TL;DR: BASICALLY. I WAS A DUMBASS KNOW-IT-ALL BUT DW I GOT BETTER.

[trashsketch]

Why do you think killugon has so much appeal compared to other queer ships? I do like some other ships (im more into canon/close to canon though so there's only a few that I genuinely enjoy) but I feel like they're lacking... something, I dont know. Particularly, I like that Togashi wrote killugon angst as something vital to the plot that cant be erased without affecting the story

yknow anon I'm trying really hard to think of why killugon makes my brain rot more compared to other queer ships I really enjoyed over the past few years. I think it's partly because i really like the whole first-love-blooming-from-friendship thing, but it's got the added angst from kids who've been forced to grow up too quickly.

it's also maybe part of the queer experience overall, that you grow up knowing that you're different compared to most of your peers, but sometimes you do find someone different like you, and you bond over that quickly. it sure hits the queer/neurodivergent person close to the heart :') Togashi did an amazing job fleshing out all his characters, gon and killua are both kids who grew up in crazy circumstances, who somehow found each other by pure chance.

also much like real life, we all go through shit (it's just part of being alive), and having someone stick by you as you go through it (platonic or romantic) is kinda what we all want in the end right? when i look at the ships i really enjoyed these past few years, queer or otherwise, they all kinda go through some sort of sticking-together-through-super-tough-times plot. madoka/homura sticks out to me as one such ship oughfhgh god they are so sad. and their situation is sooooo fucked up!!!

[goblinbugthing]

ok so there’s stuff in my brain again. thoughts

basically i have this group of 7 ocs that i originally made during my dra phase and haven’t touched in years, but ive been thinking about them a lot recently and ive started to feel like revamping their characters, giving them a good old redesign, and rewriting them and their story.

ofc im gonna remake them so they’re less. yknow, really terribly written. but when i say i wanna rewrite their story i mean i wanna turn it into a fic, instead of just remaking them and leaving them alone and rotting again.

im gonna ramble more under the cut, but that’s the basics of what’s happening in my brain rn

(cw for mentions of cults, human experimentation, death/murder, and implied abuse)

anyway, these guys are pretty old characters — i made the first two of them when i was like 11 — and so of course, they are. Not Good. and its gonna take a solid amount of work to actually fix them up and make them decent. but i really want to.

lemme introduce their dumbasses real quick:

first of all, we’ve got jay! real creative name, i know (/sarcasm). they’re 16, agender, intersex, and bisexual, using they/them pronouns, and they’re a human experiment. they were abandoned when they were 6 by their (super religious) parents who thought they were a fucking demon, and they got picked up by some cultists that claimed to work for an orphanage. spoiler alert, they did not work for an orphanage, and those fuckers grabbed jay, dragged them to a facility, and experimented on them for the next 10 years. those experiments turned them into a shapeshifter. dont ask me how because i dont know. they’ve also got several very badly written mental illnesses, as is the usual with creepypasta ocs. oh yeah they were a creepypasta oc btw

then there’s jay’s gf, willow. she’s 17, cis, pan, and ace, using she/her pronouns, and she’s just a normal human girl with no special abilities. but she does have a shitty dad and a dead mother. she and jay kill her dad after a bunch of Wild Shit. violent revenge, yay!

aaand cora. she’s 17, cis, bisexual (i think, i cant find her info anywhere), and uses she/her. she’s jay’s identical twin, and also a normal human, but she has psychokinesis. like she can move stuff with her brain. cool

next on the list is sigasi. she’s 21, cis, and aroace, using she/her pronouns, and she’s also a human experiment. jay sees her as an older sister, but they’re not actually related. she’s not a shapeshifter like them, but she’s got weird void claw hands and some fucked up wings that don’t work.

and then oh dear god, delta sun. he’s 26 (i think), cis, neptunic, demiromantic, and asexual, using he/him pronouns, and he’s in the same boat as jay and sigasi. instead of being kidnapped, though, he was given to the cultists by his mother (who thought he was a demon) and was raised in the experimentation facility. also, he’s half angel. his dad is an angel while his mom is a (super religious) human.

and SPEAKING of delta’s mom, it’s hope! she’s technically in her 50s but she died at 27, cishet and uses she/her pronouns. she’s essentially just hara before hara, but she is SO MUCH MORE INSANE. LITERALLY. she’s super religious and superstitious, she’s scared of everything, she’s been gaslit and indoctrinated into the same cult that the human experimenting fuckwads are in, she’s dead, she’s fucking crazy, she’s so badly written. i love her.

and as for delta’s dad, that would be ea. he’s 427, completely genderless, and doesn’t label his sexuality. uses all pronouns because fuck it, and they’re a somewhat biblically accurate angel. i dont have much info on him unfortunately, and what i do have written down is unimportant.

as you can see, three of them are human experiments. this is because i had a phase where i was obsessed with human experimentation. i thought it was so fucking cool.

anyway! the lore behind these bastards is super complex and ive been hyperfixating on that for a few days. i dragged some old shit out of the abyss to actually remember stuff about them, and uh. god theyre so badly written it hurts me.

fuck it im making a lore doc

[dexaroth]

erm. talking abt steven universe. thoughts. yknow the.. Drill. teehehe

ok so i spent the last. 4? days binge-watching su after watching a yt vid that was titled 'in defense of steven universe' and a bit of the followup vid partly bc i was healing from my neck pain but also because i was super into the show when i was like 14 and like. the vids were well. Defending su from the 3 vids with millions of views that changed the whole overall opinion on the show and i was like damn! i vaguely remember watching something and changing my mind about su.. and probably getting bullied for liking su on google plus too lol.

its.. old enough to be nostalgic and worth of a revisit! after all i remember it being so nice and chill..! and cozy.. oh how i missed the piano song after each episode... that SOMEHOW kept being replaced by erm.. Not Better ones. and i remember that very much!

what i dont remember exactly was the capital D Discourse but i remember it was a thing. there were vids that, looking back, i cant tell if they were ironic? talking about oh gee whee steeveni forgave the war criminals! theyre nazis how could he! and and and..... . good lird.

i kinda wanted to talk abt this bc its just so.. idiotic. ive watched up until season 5 and i just finished the movie and holy shit what kind of brain worm got into peoples mind to take su so fucking seriously

it just. it was such a big thing. everyone up in arms about it. about a...

kids show.

i dont say that lightly because there are so many interests of mine that are considered childish but are complex and engaging if people didnt overlook it so much but.. this? seriously? this was what it was all about?

its fun. and cheesy and goofy. there were some parts that i went Oh Cmon! but like, its a cmon in a funny way. like yeah this could have been done better but its. a kids show. and a lot of episodes just end when theyre about to get good because of the limited time they have...

its so weird. This. is what all that was for. and thats just the usual me not knowing about anything popular nowadays besides hearing the news of when someone involved in the show was harassed off twitter or something.. and all the discourse back then of course. for this.

i dont knoww how to put this into words its so ridiculoussss

every day that passes i start to hate fandom even more.. that word already irritates me but the extent to which people elevate things. take things so out of context. bend everything to their will to the point of being unrecognizable. W H Y what do you get from this

its fucking steven universe this is such a cute show and its even better than i remember it being and that was the fucking reception it got..? for this..? ..insane. fetid even. and to think their poison got to me when i was that young.. how many people did to have this kind of rot spread to them. no wonder i have shame issues when this is the kind of reaction thats just completely expected of everyone. fucking hell

the (um. spoilers. ) diamonds being like ohhh steeviinn let us adore you!! aueough we spent like 7 episodes trying different types of nukes on you but were friends now!! is like haha thats cute. a bit rushed and cheesy but in a fun way. and people Lost Their SHIT about it good LORD how are they not cramming shakespeare into the gem cartoon! how come theyre not discussing how rose fucked that old man or whatever the fuck. we must put rebeccas head on a spike for this! //*banging onthis post hello??? is anyobyd thewre?? helppp

[yuanology]

You are like so right it’s almost impossible to find sub male jjk and then when you find it’s has like no flavor yknow like I’m down bad for soft sex but there is almost nobody who writes it

and then you came into the picture and I first saw your geto fic of hate sex and I was like 😫😫😫😫 🤍 I’ve been waiting for you all this time 💪🐸

dude, you get me. i've found barely a handful of sub jjk fics that i'm fully satisfied about (no shade done towards them, by the way! the content is just not my type) so that i literally had to whip out the keyboard and write my own out of sheer rage. let them have soft sex! let them be softly violent with each other! they've been through too much!

i'm flattered, seriously. i'm glad you enjoy my suguru fic because that shit has been rotting my brain for weeks before i sat down and wrote it. he deserves to be softly destroyed, gently forced to feed on his own violence, and that's the truth!

[doueverwonder]

here to ask u abt irenor… i’ve never heard of the ship before but i’d love to hear u explain it and break it down for me. my main question is how their relationship would work/come about, but my secondary question is who is the better chef between the two? I think cooking with/for ppl is such a sick form of intimacy so that’s why I ask.

quick disclaimer that I don't actually know enough detailed history about these two yet, I just have 2 scenarios that are giving me brain rot. I also don't use canon Ireland, I use an oc named Molly that I can't even particularly claim as my own.

okay but, they would probably hate each other at first, yknow when Sigurd is doing normal vikings raids on the coast (he was about 20, she was 21-22). I don't think they ever actually ran into each other during this time, they just knew of each others existence and decided to hate each others guts.

Now, I like to think about the time Dublin was settled was actually the end of Sigurd's raiding days. Like, there was still raiding going on in Ireland but he no longer wanted to take part. It was then, that the two of them met.

"You committed murder, arson, and thievery!"

"But I don't anymore!!!"

it took like two years for them to actually have a conversation that wasn't yelling.

anywho on Molly's side of things after about a year she just found him annoying, personifications have seen so much shit she got over Sigurd's own-partaking in the raids pretty quickly. They become kinda psuedo friends, as Sigurd is hanging around more and more with the more Norwegians that settle in Ireland. (also Molly thinks he's hot but that's a side note).

Tbh I don't actually know how/when they fell for each other and confessed but it happened at some point.

The first scene I have brain rot for is actually right here! I just adore them way back in the day having soft mornings together, (and considering like hc Iceland and Faroe Islands as their children) them teasingly arguing about who has to get out of bed first to get the baby. If I were to write it the decline in their relationship would absolutely be shown in how they interact when they first wake up going from "Good morning, I love you, I can't wait to spend all day with you, stay in bed I'll get Ida" to just... silence.

the second one I haven't written out, but I would like to if I can find time. Them both living in the US in the 1850s. Though Molly spends most her time on the East Coast and Sigurd spends his in the Midwest, they can't completely avoid running into each other once or twice. That once or twice sparks something fueled by loneliness, sentimentality, homesickness, and the need to control something. There's no real feelings in the relationship, it's very much for old times sake, they were never officially together again and they never officially broke up again. Sigurd went back to Norway, Molly fell in love with Lorenzo. And it was over.

They're friends now, and they kind of ignore their past relationships, do their best to co-parent the two now-adult children they had together. Sometimes they'll fall back into an 'what could have been' state (especially when they meet in Dublin); but it never lasts long. They're happy as friends now. They were in love, they aren't anymore, that's okay.

For the second answer, they both have pretty eccentric food tastes so I guess it really depends. I would have to say Molly though, and really because of time period when they were together she did most the cooking. Although if they were together in modern day it would probably be a pretty 50/50 split.

[37q]

11 spending a lot of time on r/AmITheAngel for like a month straight late this winter rly helped me flesh out this tension in my cranium about mass public "socialization" in the post-modern internet. a little too much detachment on there for me but its honed my skeptic eye for that mediums social propriety and writing. they could stand to identify fetish stuff a little better but theyre pretty keen compared to, like, the rest of the internet.

12 oh for some context the premise of the sub is that, like, most of the content on r/AmITheAsshole is manufactured, self-serving BS, and so they pass their time on /AITAngel by taking potshots at OP's embarrassingly obvious agenda and psychological issues. "16 year old trying to find non-scholarly quotes for their creative writing prompt", "boyfriend provoking argument material for his weird obsession over getting babytrapped" etc etc. anyways

21 so like ok weve long-tempered the observable materiality and truth of these online social domains. like weve screened for all bullshit and loopholes, people are only engaging here in formal avenues of real feeling and good faith, moderation is swift, vastly codified and arbitrarily enforced. but oh wait 99.5% of members are viewers... and commenters are encouraged to speak outwards to hypothetical audiences...

31 hm gotta admit too the reality of it makes great, free, and "natural" educational material. or cringecam footage. or fetish fuel. or argument enders. or just mundane attachment to things we think we know and things we use to fortify those assumptions!

212 nothing gets you more engaged than totally immersing yourself in the totality of a "truth", however theres a conflict in that kind of detachment, the subject-object utility. either we genuinely give a shit about all these mf's miserable lives and get offended by some commenter's moral code, or we detach, confirm, reproduce, and make it a theater.

213 and the theater isn't a fun one, either, the cynicism and objectification will rot your brain. we can slap together some semblance of critical meta-engagement -- yknow like consumption as a consumer, collecting this to use it later, self-aware bordering on parasocial viewership (my god when a lurker mentions a "well-known" commenter by name... EW!) -- but in the end our consumption of the material will mediated by the fact that, like, we can only find use of it by suspending (and IMO fundamentally sundering) the scrutability of what we hold to be true. the authenticity gets all garbled up in the process, like this is hilarious bullshit for their sense of reality but also i kind of dont think deception or gullibility is very funny for weird stuff...

2141 see right there! "weird stuff", i have a threshold based on propriety of what i consider recognizable, authentic, "real" or socially legible expressions or behavior

22 so anyways!!! somewhere down the line after weve cleared out all the riffraff and its all respectable legit service usage and socialization, and funny enough the people suddenly have no place to put their neurotic internalization of unstable social systems and mundane life, the only solace is in a simulation of reifying and legitimizing their feelings. radical expression is demoralized, and emotional authenticity is quite literally socially determined. what the hell is an outlaw

23 heres where we get into the meat of it. remember AITAngel's premise? yeah, so, writing exercise, self-confirming or -serving, 99.5% viewership, most OP's post from a throwaway account (although when they dont its INSANE), people are commenting on the OOP like "what's up with the spike in vegan child-free weddings lately"... at soooome pooooint viewers have trouble suspending their disbelief. just a lil artificial, make it a one-liner karma game with algorithmically generated prompts cuz why not. a circus! lets dress up as elephants

32 now were starting to see how we can make use of this charade. want all the dads terrified of sexism to come out of the woordworks and give you the soundbites they wish they couldve used in their custody battles? need to farm some philosophical talking points for class? do you feel alone, scared, on your last leg, and are in need of others to console you over how you allegorically represent and sterilize your series of misfortunes and poor decisions? you want validation that you didnt sit next to your mom during your friday family outing? do you need disgust, horror, shame, or really any genuinely visceral reaction to your fantasies from strangers to make it real enough to get you off? easy reification machine

[n3on-graveston3s-calling]

I'm gonna answer these both right now.

These have been sitting in my ask box for a few days and admittedly, I was just gonna let them rot there but.

Let's talk.

I write in my spare time. I don't get paid to write fanfictions ( unless they are commissioned pieces, which are all on a hold for the foreseeable future ), imagines, etc. It's something I do when I have the time & I have the muse to do so.

Why haven't I been writing as much?

-I suffered 2 major deaths in my family literally 2 weeks apart from each other. The first one, I was in vacation in another state & had to cut it short, turn around, and drive 1600 miles in 3 days to go home, pick up my family, drive to my other family, have the funeral, go through a tornado outbreak that same night while staying in a hotel & having nowhere to go, find out that some of my relatives houses were damaged & the city they lived in had been majorly damaged by the tornadoes, and then drive home. And then, 2 weeks later, there's another death on the other side of my family. So my summer was spent grieving and in funerals.

-Prior to that, I have depression!! I had a depressive episode that lasted for a hot minute where I didn't do anything!!

-NOW, I got a new job & am back to work for the first time in 1 year and 8 months. It took me a year and eight months to find a job that is nowhere even near my degree field. Wild shit. Anyways. My new job takes a LOT of mental strength. I work as an attorney's assistant. I work Wednesday & Thursday, all day. Fridays are my half days. Which doesn't sound bad!! Except I have a stack of things I have to file that is nearly 200 pages deep bc there was a gap between the person before me leaving & when I started that they got behind. So I'm busy 20 hours a week. & what I handle can be VERY emotionally hard, as I've recently found out. I can't share details bc privacy laws- but I have to read some not great shit.

-In the 4 days that I have off, I help my mother. I'm a partial caretaker for her; I do all of the grocery runs & doctor appointments in those spare times.

So. Yknow. I enjoy writing, I have requests that I've been working on & things in my drafts that I do work on in my free time, but like. I have a life, yknow? And I know everyone has shit going on in their personal lives, I get that. I know fanfiction & fandom is an escape.

But I'm just a person. I have a partner who I try to spend as much time as possible with bc we're long distance. There's a lot more happening that I'm not gonna talk about here because quite frankly- it isn't anyone's business.

I love writing. I love making fanfiction and I love writing requests but y'all have got to stop treating us writers like your personal fiction creators that exist only for your beck & call. Bc I've seen that happen a LOT over the last few years. Majority of us do this for free because we enjoy it. That's it.

So yeah. I will post when I have something done or if I have any silly little thoughts I wanna share about whichever character is taking up space in my brain.

K thanks bye.

[syn4k]

allow me to elaborate because this shit's fucked

so okay. i have a brain that is not great at responding healthily to things. this is a thing in general because of reasons and it's been happening for years. i know how to handle it by now. just because my brain says to do something doesn't mean i have to listen to it and actually do it, and i've gotten Really Good at going "no we're not going to do that [bonk with paper towel tube]" in response to concerning things over the years

one of those concerning things that i usually bonk and move on in response to is self destructive urges. i'm not talking about physical self harm here (although this is a form of self harm), mine doesn't manifest like that, i mean things like yknow not taking care of myself and not doing tasks important to keeping up with my wellbeing and stuff like that. thats how it starts. thats the base level.

because the thing is, i have to be Constantly Vigilant when dealing with this because this is one of those goddamn slippery slope things and my brain is always telling me hey, we can probably skip lunch, it'll be fine, or hey, dude, fuck doing the dishes right? who fucking cares about that anyways. yeah i know mom asked us to and she'll be dissapointed and probably mad if we don't but i mean who am i kidding you're a huge fucking disappointment anyways and if you already didn't want to move may as well dig that hole a little deeper.

you can uh. see the problem here.

it's very easy to give in and follow that urge and continue doing nothing, especially if you already deal with depression. it's self-indulgent, in a fucked up backwards kind of way. you justify doing things that are actively harmful for you by telling yourself that you deserve this, actually, you don't matter enough to have nice things happen to you anyways, and then it all spirals incredibly quickly downwards from there. you start cutting more corners and calling yourself nasty things that aren't true

also, it hurts the whole time because destroying yourself sucks! it's literal hell to experience! becoming cynical and bitter and steeping yourself in self-hatred is painful because it goes against your literal natural instinct to survive! and the entire time this is going on the rational part of your brain is screaming "what the fuck are you DOING man? this isn't good! this isn't fucking healthy! you are loved and you deserve better! please for the love of god go make some tea and talk to your friends about this they will understand. they love you. they're worried about you."

but since this is an exercise in the sunk cost fallacy, the self destructive actively rotting part of your brain that's in charge of this whole thing just shrugs loathingly and goes "well you're a lazy son of a bitch and you've sat on your ass for the past two weeks just hating yourself so you may as well throw in the towel and go full in to see what happens."

at this moment, you have a choice. you can claw your way out of this hole you've dug for yourself and explain everything with shaky breaths to the people who love you, or you can grab the shovel and keep fucking digging twice as hard and actively shun all attempts people make to help you.

the decision to make here seems obvious, doesn't it? that's not a trick question. hopefully to you it should be, because it is. but the thing is, to someone inside the hole, from this angle it looks like too much effort to even begin to climb out of. sometimes they don't even know where to start, just that they want to get out.

it takes a lot of strength and fortitude to make that decision to make things better for yourself, to prioritize your long term health over what you're feeling at the moment. it takes a lot of resolve to reach out for help, because you're ashamed of yourself for even buying into this lie at all. you'd completely understand if they turned your back on you and said no, you're too far gone, because who could ever love someone who at their core hates themself? it's so much effort and it'd make more sense to just let you go, both for their sake and yours.

sometimes the person in the hole looks up towards the sky and the chance they've been given and they take a deep breath and, with acid filling their lungs, turns back towards the ground and keeps digging.

from there it becomes exponentially harder to get them out of there because they've just stopped listening to everyone else. they actively shrug off all attempts to help. they keep digging (they haven't talked to their mother in months), keep digging (they haven't shown up to any parties and they don't leave their apartment), keep digging (they've gotten into screaming matches with everyone who speaks up about the situation), hoping futilely that if they just keep going they'll find the other side and break through and find themself on solid ground again with no hole in sight and no ruined relationships and a second chance.

that of course won't happen and the only thing actually at the bottom of that hole is one last chance to turn back because below it is death. some are saved by a light coming through the clouds. most are not.

and just like that, the hole they've dug for themself suddenly becomes a grave

it's a really fucked up thing to go through and an even more fucked up thing to watch happen to someone in real time. i dont know. this is usually the part of the post where i give advice on how to help someone going through this and on how to help them remember that they do deserve love and so much better than this, but i ran out of words and it's been a rough time lately and man i just dont have the energy.

i just wanted to talk about this because i've gone through this cycle a few times myself and it's fucking rough. it's a struggle to exist like this but you gotta remember that there is hope even if you can't see it and there is beauty even if your eyes can't behold it right now. you gotta make your own joy and hold onto it like its a fucking lifeline because it is. it's gonna hurt like a bitch and it's gonna be humiliating. you're not going to want to look yourself in the eye but you have to. i swear it's worth it.

its uh. 2pm and im still wearing pajamas. im gonna go get dressed. yeah

hey so like. dude self destructive urges are so fucked up on like so many levels.

[clownsuu]

SORRY FOR SENDING ANOTHER ASK SO SOON But I'm genuinely curious, do you have any OCs of your own that you draw, or do you just draw fandom characters and friends OCs?

A bit of a more specific question too, do you have any characters or something you unintentionally created just doodling or when burnt out? I created a character to draw when I'm frustrated with how my art is turning out, frustrated with anatomy, or have no ideas. Its something good to have 👀

(I would share him but I don't want to send you art in your asks that has nothing to do with you or your designs NDSKJAD)

I have seen your earlier ask, I might give it a good ol doodle for it- but for now this gives me an excuse to talk about some of my dumb ass characters hddhJDDH-

[cracks my knuckles and breaks all my finger bones]

(old art)

(long post)

I have a bunch of ocs that I have made in the past that aren’t fandom related- I have some I really like- but they are fandom related so I won’t show smhh- but anyway here are a few of my personal favorites-

Example one being Jack (yeah same name smhhh) he is part of a item head universe Iv created- and of course, as he looks it- is a party of a scheme-y and shady casino (no affiliations to Cuphead hfhdJDHD) He is the owner, but is stuck in a bet with a owner of a bank, and completely fucked himself over with- Jack is in denial really he does not like to be played like a deck of cards smh

(Human) Douglas- aka the “nasty big tid dude that no wonder is a character I made”- is the bank owner- really fucking scummy and cheap- rules the city despite being just a owner the bank- disgusting fucking man who smells like pennies and orphan tears-

Yeah I really enjoy those two- I also have a few more characters from this little universe I made like the mayor, Ignis, but I ain’t gunna go too far unless someone is curious lmao- but anyway, I don’t quite have characters that I accidentally unintentionally made, but I do kinda have support characters I doodle every now and then when I feel like absolute shit-

They had a name- but I completely fucking forgot JDHDGSHS- but we call them Arson Moth- They are a god of void who used to be extremely large and in charge, but somehow became small and marketable plushie sized- making them extremely irritated and upset, specially when people treat them like a soft plushie (because, yknow, they are smol and really soft-) so in revenge, the cause acts of arson and violence because fuck you hffhJDGDGD- i rarely doodle them, but they are fun to draw when really sad or frustrated cause- yknow-

Very angi small mans hdhdDH-

This, is Heart- A character of mine that I personally feel is a emotional support character I have smh- I have created him far before Sun/moon came out, but he has almost the exact same personality as sun does- (and pointy nose hffhDHDHD) They are part of a universe of personified organs that work in a “human system”, and he is the most emotional character of them all smh- the heart does what the heart does, which is be chaotic and just does anything that makes themselves and others happy- also gets into arguments with Brian (Brain)

(Fuckin nerd-) those two argue a lot- Brain wanting to have the system work in a orderly fashion, and heart wanting everyone to just be happy and motivated-

He gives me brain rot I love this dumbass so much- drawing him always makes me feel better smh- their anatomy doesn’t really matter either because they aren’t human, they are Heart-

[fishy-xp]

KinnPorsche Ep 10 Brain Rot (major spoilers)

FIRSTLY, THE BALLS OF PETE TO PULL A GUN ON VEGAS, YKNOW YOUR INSANE PSYCHO SADISTIC QUASI BOSS???? HELLO????? That man literally went from I must smile my way outta of this to I'll put a bullet in you no cap, this is between me and my bestie.

Also y'all saw the nod Porsche did to Pete once he had him on the ground right?

Okay maybe I am a bit soft for Porschay and Kim, them snuggling on the couch, much uwu BUT tiny Porschay character study is that the man child speaks his mind. Why? Because he doesn't know if he will get the chance next time. To the best of his and our knowledge his parents died unexpectedly in a crash. Any sense of stability he had was taken out from under his feet. At a young age, Porschay learnt the consequences of death and the fickleness of life. But now we see him take every opportunity because he can't afford to waste it. Who has the balls to ask an idol if they can be their personal guitar tutor? Who has the bals to confess to said idol and then say I love you not a second after he sees that his feelings are reciprocated. I don't even think Porschay is too bothered by the fact Kim didn't say it back because he's just happy he's the one that's said it. All his feelings are out there. Kim isn't running of borrowed time, but Porschay feels like he is so whatever chance he gets, he'll take the risk.

Just once, I want to be the person kaola-ing on the back of Vegas' motorbike, JUST GIVE ME ONE CHANCE KING

HOLY FUCK EVERYTHING HAPPENED ALL AT ONCE, THEY REALLY SAID FUCK YOUR GHOST SHIP

I can't even say much more, I've spent the last hour just oscillitating between "i'm fine" to "IM NOT FINE AT ALL BIG AND KEN" *uncontrollably sobbing*

I BET ALL YOU DICKHEADS FEEL BAD ABOUT SHITTING ON BIG NOW HUH DON'T YOU, HUH APOLOGISE TO MY MANS RIGHT NOW

[crumble-system]

☣️ Nyx -im adding the previous tags but now we're home we can like do another reply that has more like brains

This was really sweet whoever sent this, especially for like things that have been going on that like nobody else knows but like this system.

note we're gonna ramble a shit ton so under the cut <3

🧯Conner - We always love asks like these, especially when we don't expect them. But this did cheer us up a good bit.

Especially because we've been bed rotting just a bit because the consequences of not having meds nor therapy rn while having gone through THE horrors of this and last year of having alot of our Hugest trauma of our adolescence just becoming raw again. [this is also why mockingjay, philly & blaze 2 EXIST]

which has led us to just remember alot of the struggles that led us here.

also the many fucking jumpscares (though like all of them went positively and the people who did accidentally jumpscare us have been the best of sports & have VASTLY outweighed the negative of the original terror from being spooked)

🎱Ribs - YEAH I've definely like been told actively by alot of people of how much we like bring light & warmth to our friends and acquaintances. which has helped alot at Not being as like unstable as we would've been elsewise with all the curveballs and twists.

ALSO getting back in contact with people we were worried abt contacting & missed, helped a fuck ton because they'll all been fuckin supportive as hell.

plus telling the one (aka the dude who came into our notes like "idk if u hate me but i miss you and worried abt you" while I WAS literally venting abt missing them & being worried abt them was funny ngl) that like, WOOPS I'm here bcs of you & them being supportive as they can but still learning as a singlet helped <33.

UHHH also like getting SUPER GENUINE love from the people who we were missing and got into contact into with helped A TON. also telling them all parts of the Why Man saga helped & getting like support for what the fuck that lil shit put us thru.

adding that said person whose why I fromed also like helped during what blaze is GONNA probs talk abt

🔥Blaze - ILY BABE (ribs)

OKAY so the person who caused ribs to form, unknowningly has kind of helped me a ton to be able to help the person who got ME to form.

Which like it felt so fucking GOOD being able to do what I did recently to help said person whose why I'm here. I FUCKING improved. I GREW and I CHANGED for THE BETTER.

it's like been so funny seeing like within like a year go from one of the most DISTRUSTED to be in front due to being much more of a Perseuctor/Perpetrator combo AND JUST. Very much ACTING out because nobody in this fuckin system was listening BCS our communication was SHIT.

TO being like one of the most trusted & seen as one of the better protectors & alters to deal with stressful convos and shit to de-escalate things when the going gets ROUGH.

THE PERSON who caused me to form I don't think they REALIZE fully yet that when I said "Yeah, I was actually there for that." I LITERALLY MEANT. I FORMED THERE. AND WE WERE THERE. AND THATS WHY. THAT MEME WAS SO TERRIFYING.

BUT YKNOW HOW IT GOES, I WAS KING. DID GET JUMPSCARED BY THE DUDE CONNER ALMOST WENT TO WHEN RIBS FORMED & WHEN I FORMED NOT TOO LONG AFTER NOT TOO LONG AFTER.

also got jumpscared by THE DUDE who let us into the server where I formed, like a week later... IT WAS just to say "there's a scammer in general" but now i get cursed to see that he's fucking playing roblox now. BCS discord thinks its funny.

so like I have been RIDING the high of helping the person who caused me to form and MAKING SAID PERSON LAUGH. BCS said PERSON deserves to HAVE A GOOD DAY.

☢️ Prodigy/(Doxie) - I AM only in front for a moment to reply to this as for understandable reasons the others dont want me in front rn, and i dont wanna be either

THO I love my friends who knew me when I was still bumbling around as a newbie & the ppl ive met after coming back in EARLY 2024.

we need therapy & meds, and i need to work on myself way more b4 I can be in front for extended periods of time and not at all rn.

🦀Pablo - IM also only in front to write my piece & then peace out because ya im working on my issues too.

the message was kind and love it! ty, me & prod are going back to work on ourselves.

(we are also still working on an apology, just NOT a good time for us to attempt that)

🍋 Gayle - Yeah we've kept moving forward despite everything that's happened in the past, or how much THIS year keeps testing our strength.

like oh my god, ribs, conner and blaze u mfers are so fucking strong. i COULD not do the shit those three have been doing.

i just kind of applaud those three for being brave because they want to protect their found family of friends. AND also being strong enough to talk thru issues and shit with others.

also thank them for helping me with all the FONT bullshit <3

🎃Skull - also thanking them for help w the FONT bullshit, and also ty blaze for not teasing me abt my source once u realized that I had a legit issue with it. and also making that whole party for everyone who looks like one of our abusers, that cheered me up a ton.

🍬Candy - yeah yeah thank you blaze for helping skull be more confident, and also for sitting with me when my other thing I am the holder of gets bad when skull isn't able to. & also like helping for when you blaze, ribs or conner notice when I'm starting that ..down that road..

also ty for the multiple white & blue/blue&white hater party in headspace ribs and blaze. that shit has been fun to work through all that shit.

🌟Philly - YEAH they (as in more the others, the G6 [2015-2019] gang specifically aka Conner, Ribs, Gayle, Prod, Blaze and Nyx) really were really touched by this.

I know they've been going thru a helluva time, it's kind of why I exist. beacuse of the whole, the person who caused ribs to form & the person who caused blaze to form literally jumpscared those guys by posting ACCIDENTAL jumpscares that were close enough TO said EVENTS that they both got worried.

which led to blaze 2 and me splitting off and yknow being here to curse y'all.

UHHH IDK what I have to say abt this because like.. I am sort of apathetic, and just NOT emotional. think like coping shit + like latching onto my source being specifically Philly in (CRAB MAN SERVER). which kind of got their emotions removed.

🧲Blaze 2 - <333 iDK WHAT 2 SAY MYSELF.

the others DID really well. BUT we have been celebrating our acomplishments, THO more like privately. because god i cannot tell any of yall how fucking much the others and generally the system want to be LOUD and PROUD for how far they've come

Along with HOW much they just wanna say HOW MUCH they love the ppl they consider friends OUTLOUD AND PUBLIC, THEYRE just very much dealing with RSD and BPD BEING BITCHES.

SO they've been subdueing themselves even more, even if they wanna do it. ALSO bcs they wanna respect ppls boundaries, it's why they're NOT saying CERTAIN NAMES. OF PPL THEY LOVE.

ribs though blaze classic is done making fun of your whole CLOWN ACT abt seeming like you hated ppl but in reality you genuinely missed them though weren't letting yourself say that bcs you did not want to seem weak and were dealing with paranoid of others trying to hurt them just to get to us.

im not, im saying it outloud MF. you don't get to just tell sweetfinlet abt it. GET EXPOSED FOR ALSO BEING A LOVER.

🐦Mockingjay - THEY'VE BEEN CELEBRATING A TON OF THEIR VICTORIES.

👑Waldemar- HELL YEAH handshake, im joining you im exposing blaze proper.

clarity abt the vents is that alot of reprocessing of old events had to happen because the censored person triggered alot of alters heavily enough that they regressed & Lost access to the Full truth of the past

Very much they had to process things in a way very similar the Psychonauts 2 Level, "Psi King's Sensorium"

With the whole Confirmation Bias, Law of association, Confabulations, and just the memories were twisted.

This person also Accidentally began to use alot of tactics that older abusers & toxic ex-friends would use on us in the past, as they were Way more dependent on us than we were on them and in a misguided effort for connection they attempted to make us more dependent on them.

(or at least we hope it was accidental, that's what we want to believe. despite it all.)

Also the censored name is not crab man bluzombie nor why man willie. It's censored as despite it all we don't want ppl to find nor attack that ex-friend, they're Not worth the effort.

THERE'S A BUNCH OF WIP POETRY THEY'VE BEEN DOING SINCE 2023 and HAVE working ON pUTING IN A VIDEO. TO SHOW THEY LOVE THEIR FRIENDS

ITS SAPPY AS SHIT. IDC IF THEY CALL ME HOMOPHONIC.

🎆Flare - (I WAS BLAZE 2 BEFORE THE OTHER ONE, BUT NO BLAZE LETS HIM BE BLAZE 2 BUT I HAVE TO BE FLARE IM STILL PISSED)

I'm stealing this from MJ but...

I LOVE THEM, BUT THEY'RE A MESS. THIS SYSTEM IS KIND OF MY FOUND FAMILY OF IDIOTS.

THEY'rE CRYING OVER ONE OF THE POETRY THEY ALL WROTE FOR THAT. THIS IS A NEWER ONE.

"As I always wanted as a kid, to hang with people ; friends to just

Talk together for hours, or just exist silent as we both do our own things

Go on adventures with

Dispell eachothers worries with

Be not just seen, but also accepted whole heartedly

...

And I've found those people

Even for some it took some time to realize they were still there"

🌤️Mr A - Everything eventually will be okay, and that's what keeps us going. Also spite. Alot of spite.

Love keeps us going more though, we are filled with love always.

🧃Sour - I AM still GETTING uzed 2 being here again, ESP with the huge party we GOT now. BUt yea this is sweeettt. felt like i should say somethin

🍐Wasabi - YEAH this is NICE. I like the ENERGY we've been getting, this is why I keep refusing to leave front BUT im too shy to talk to the nice ppl we've been around. </3. im still halted by these haunting memories but im getting stronger, I will be as annoying if not MORE annoying than the others. u hear me

🍾Sparkling - I don't front as much these days as I'm helping with headspace matters but <3 this was nice.

🌝Allie - I just wanted to :3333, i have nothing to actually add. I'm just a special uwu. i need attention.

🕹️First- idk im dancing. ik we need to do owed art but that's a tomorrow thing, we're still having a moment. they'll understand.

🌼Just a gentle reminder that you bring a special kind of light and warmth to the world that often goes unnoticed by you, but it is so incredibly meaningful. Despite everything you've faced, you keep moving forward, and that’s something to be really proud of. Celebrate accomplishments, big and small. Your existence matters. You matter. The world is absolutely a better place with you in it, there is no argument there. Keep believing in yourself and growing, because you make a difference just by being you. Everything will eventually be okay and you are worthy of proving that true. 🌼🌼Just a gentle reminder that you bring a special kind of light and warmth to the world that often goes unnoticed by you, but it is so incredibly meaningful. Despite everything you've faced, you keep moving forward, and that’s something to be really proud of. Celebrate accomplishments, big and small. Your existence matters. You matter. The world is absolutely a better place with you in it, there is no argument there. Keep believing in yourself and growing, because you make a difference just by being you. Everything will eventually be okay and you are worthy of proving that true. 🌼

OUR REACTIONS TO THIS,

Never know how 2 react when ppl actually say love affirmations to us wholeheartedly but ty ty

ESP LIKE when we're in these depressive isolation episodes that we get in

Though we're getting better at dealing with em

[harryswatermelonsegment]

Pool Party

Pairing: Reader/Harry Styles

Rating: R, text book smut

Word Count: 5k 😳

Warnings: Slight sub/dom tones I guess? & alcohol consumption

A/N: Sorry this is late, life somewhat resuming here in the UK so it means I’m back at my job. I managed to fall asleep mid edit folks 😳, this is my entry for the @helladirections Summer Feeling Fic Challenge, with the prompt “pool party” click the link for the masterlist. I’m still writing two more, one for @berrynarrybanana ‘s Sex Bucketlist Challenge but it’s turning out to be a 20k slow burn I wasn’t expecting 😬.Oops. But enjoy this one, I’m proud of her. My one other blatant thirst fic can be found here. Reblogs get free gratitude for the next 5 years 🍉💕

You'd been friends with Jeff since your teens, when his parents (despite their wealth), wanted him to get a job at the restaurant you worked at. In their rightful thinking, they wanted him to learn you had to work from the ground up.

Despite your clearly different class background you found a ton of common interests making the whole thing immaterial. He was a caring, down to earth guy and you were both people who really enjoyed sarcastically taunting each other every shift. You'd got used to visiting his house in the hills even though you'd been scared to get lost at first around his parents large house. Becoming solid friends quickly, you'd managed to keep in touch, as much as adult life would now allow anyway.

You knew his main role was managing a pop star but you'd not caught up in a minute and when you did, you kept your job chat out of the conversation where you could. This is why, as you barge through the kitchen, to the pool outside, you're shocked to nearly knock a stunned Harry Styles onto his behind.

"Fuck, shit I'm so sorry" you clutch your chest looking at the red wine on his tank top and his now empty glass. The soiled garment was tucked into some dressy shorts and partly covered by a loud hawaiian patterned shirt. Oh god what had you done?

You were quite honestly mortified. You'd never actually met the man himself, usually meeting Jeff at his for a few drinks or at a restaurant. You'd heard him mentioned in stories about travelling or how his campaigns were running Jeff into the ground with meetings. So, although you weren't a massive fan of his per se, in the way you didn't ask Jeff for updates or info, the way you'd hope you'd meet the attractive pop star was definitely not this.

He looked down at the offending stain then back up into your eyes, keeping his head angled down and blinking through his lashes. You couldn't read his blank expression and it put you on edge.

Maybe it was the heat trapped in the doorway, but as your eyes stayed locked you suddenly felt a fire spread from your navel up to your cheeks, and then from your center down to your toes. Your lower stomach clenched as you stared back at the guy covered in a good 2007 French rouge.

Fuck me he's pretty, you thought.

A rapid film reel of moments; sweaty bodies, those large biceps holding you against the nearest wall, smacking of lips against skin and moans of release flashed in your brain.

It had definitely been a while since you had got laid in your defense, your mood and pent up sexual frustration getting worse by the day as you tried and failed at the L. A. dating scene. Maybe you were picky, but horny and picky was an awful place to be.

However, the reality of the embarrassing scene you were currently a star of, flipped you back into the present.

Seemingly over the initial incident and hopefully not a mind reader to your thirsty brain, he takes you in and smirks.

Harry knew from the way your breathing hitched looking at his torso that you were at least a bit interested. He had clocked you the second you walked in through the big glass doors. A shirt of a band he liked and a natural beauty he wanted to spend some times with you he pondered. Ideally naked.

Zig zagging across the world promoting the album and had left little time to enjoy another person. Status and obligation to his job making it hard to just go out and meet someone. But here you were, dressed unlike anyone else, looking absolutely adorable in your embarrassment. You must be trustworthy if you're in Jeff's home,he wasn't a "bring your friends too" kind of host with his clients usually around.

This could be a fun evening for you both, he thought. Something unspoken, almost magnetic, drawing you both to one another. Surely that wasn't all his side right?

"I was told it was a good year, but I wasn't planning on consuming it quite this way?" inwardly he rolled his eyes at the barely there quip. But you laughed anyway.

"I am so, so awfully sorry, look, let's see if there's some dish liquid or something, possibly some of my next months rent in there too if I have to replace it" you let out a nervous laugh as you walked towards the kitchen. But in all honesty you weren't kidding.

Harry laughed at your sarcastic remark, impressed by your confidence in owning the situation and getting on with things. He casually watched your hips sway past a few people in to the open plan kitchen with as much subtlety as he could, you were confidentially locating all the parts needed to try and remove the offending stain.

"You seem to know your way around 'ere. I'm er…I'm Harry by the way" awkwardly waving as you mixed some solution in the sink drenching a sponge in it.

"Yeah" you smiled turning from the sink with the damp rag "known Jeff a good while, have definitely spilt red wine here before. I'm Y/N" you giggle. The beam from his own mouth matching.

"Ah! Y/N, of course, I've heard him mention you, didn't you once hide rotting mackerel in a unpleasant guys blazer?" he chuckled

"Heyyyy. Only after he spanked my ass getting him the check. Deserved a hot plate to the crotch too" you shot back.

You weren't sure where to go from here the thought of wetting down the white tank yourself definitely appealed but also seemed far too forward.

"Um…" you began gesturing with the sponge in your hand. You expected him to take it from you to sort himself out but..

"Oh yeah sorry" he replied shimmying his shirt off, dumping it on the back of a bar stool, then, crossing his arms across his stomach and lifting the tank top over his head you were slack jawed and frozen taking in the lean muscles and tattoos littered intermittently across his abdomen. He spread the top across the islands worktop flat, then grabbing the sponge with a simple "thanks" and knitting his eyebrows together in concentration as he tried to rid the dull red mark from it's center.

You still hadn't moved. A pink twinge to your cheeks as you watched his shoulder blades and back muscles scrubbing. Dirty thoughts circling your brain still.

"I would have helped you but I didn't want to start a wet tshirt contest in such a high end establishment yknow?" you thought out loud.

"Oh yeah, good call. I'm fiercely competitive Y/N so would probably be under that fancy waterfall thing by now showing off m'moves in my pants" he wiggles his hips trying to suggestively show you his "moves" but you can't help but smirk at just how endearing this man is. Dammit.

When he's finished with his shirt he drapes it over another barstool before handing you the sponge back.

If anyone asks him if he blatantly and deliberately got naked to gauge if you were into him he'd definitely deny it. But the truth is, he definitely did. Luckily for him, with the way you bite your lip and drag your eyes down his flesh as he brushes past your side to get back to the sink, he's right.

"Speaking of getting in the water in your" you use air quotes "'pants' I'm off to get out of mine" you declare, pushing yourself from the counter and keeping eye contact a second as you stroll back to the sliding doors leading to the pool.

"I… What??"

" The pool Harry?.... What did you think I meant?" you narrow your eyes and press your lips together before shutting the glass door again and turning once more to smirk at the opened mouthed man still by the sink.

--------------------------------

You'd been schmoozing in the water for a few hours now. There were probably only 20 or so people still here and the 3rd frozen marg had got you buzzed. You were in the small hot tub type pool, attached at the top of the main one on a slightly higher level. You hadn't seen Harry for a while but the last few times you caught his eye he'd been surrounded by at least 3 other people fighting for his attention, so you banked your flirtations to soothe your own ego, grabbed another marg and tried to forget about how he had started a tornado inside you, yearning for his hands on your thighs and head peering up at you from where they met in the middle. The strong pull of lust was clearly in your head then. What a shame.

You put it to the back of your mind as you finished catching up with Glenne. Both flushed and giggly as usual, she was the perfect match for Jeff and their chemistry unmatchable. You always enjoyed hanging out with the both of them, if anything, they gave you hope your own match may be out there. She left you in the tub alone, as she went to grab herself another drink and check on her host duties boyfriend.

"Don't you find drinking whilst already in water the weirdest thing?" you look up to find Harry standing over your right shoulder as you sit with your back against the pool wall and your elbows propping you up behind you, drink in one hand. His eyes unsubtley slip down to where your breasts lay pushed together in your halter neck bikini. You definitely weren't imagining it then. Fucking fantastic, you think.

"I mean drowning yourself on the inside from the alcohol and being in more than 4 inches of water really adds a danger element to my life if I'm honest" you reply sipping your drink.

And there goes those dimples again.

He's just in a pair of yellow swimming shorts now which doesn't help the alcohol flush at all. Sitting by your right side, putting his short glass full of amber liquid and ice, on the side of the pool and sliding in to join you. He leaves a small gap, as to not appear a total letch but your smart mouth has him hooked.

Taking a sip of his drink with the water up to his collar bones he hums.

"I do feel incredibly dangerous now, you've got a point"

"I mean if you think that's danger" you edge closer, not drunk but buzzed enough to take your chances you whisper into the shell of his ear. "You should see what thrills are in the guest bathroom. 1st floor on the right? " he chokes on his drink as your suggestive whispers make his dick twitch. He definitely couldn't get out of the pool for a while.

You're gone before you get a verbal reaction. If this all goes badly then you can just hide in there and slip out to an Uber and never see Jeff again right? Right. Cool.

With a soft white towel around you and your heart rate high as you reach the main guest bedroom you enter the room, you notice a large weekend bag in there and freeze. Shit. Someone's staying over, you hadn't factored that in, but a glance to the tag and the embossed H. E. S tells you you're good. Well, if not you'll just be a creep hiding in someone's bathroom but let's not think about it too much. Your faux confidence was working well so far and what other chance was going to arise like this one? Hot celebrities need fun with strangers too right?

Entering the bathroom you rub the towel over you, leaving mostly dry skin. You'd peel away your bikini if you were definite you wouldn't need to peel it back up your limbs should this plan backfire. You move to the mirror to adjust the black flecks from your minimal makeup dispersing under your eye and just as you're about to smooth down the stray baby hairs that humidity has got to around your face, you see Harry appear in the mirror behind you. Your belly flipping over and over with the thrill he'd took the bait.

Wasting no time he smirks and holds your gaze, wrapping his hands around your waist whilst his lips attach to the junction of your neck and collarbone. His tongue drags over your soft skin and he licks and softly sucks swirls onto it with his plush lips.

"Hm. You're right. This is a more fun type of danger" he says between kisses but before he's even finished his sentence you've spun around in his arms.

The bottom of your spine cold against the marble countertop, arms around his neck as you smash your lips into one another's with urgency. Tongues and wet noises as you get to know one another through your bodies alone.

He runs his hands down your back and presses his hard length against your thigh. He's definitely packing you think as you lift up a little rub your pubic bone against his front, panting out a little moan as the sweet friction of your bodies colliding sends you into overdrive. Catching the noise through your parted lips he gently tugs on the bottom one, teeth grazing the supple flesh. This combined with his large palms kneading your ass and pulling you further, tighter, into the roll of his hips. Only two layers of damp clothing separate you,forcing your lips to break from his mouth and fully moan, not caring who may be around. You could not remember the last time a perfect stranger knew your body quite this well.

His own grunts were speeding up when he suddenly grabs the back of your thighs and hoists you up beside the sink, you gasp in shock but it was more the way the lean man thrusted you up there like it was nothing. What else could he do? You expect him to go back to kissing you but instead he pulls back with his rock hard erection outlined in the wet shorts he still has on. Looking at you dead in the eyes both raging with lust and concern. Whilst you try not to worry how you were going to accommodate him inside your tight walls.

"Is this…? I mean, you want this too right?" his hands are resting at either side of your parted thighs. You nod. "Need you to say it Y/N" he steps forward, lips wet and brushes the pad of his thumb across your bottom lip that was now puffy and pink from the earlier biting. He knew you were down to fuck, but now he wanted to test your preferences. What kind of fun you were about to have shall we say. So when you lick his thumb tip, holding his fist still and grazing your wet tongue up and down from knuckle to tip before closing your eyes and humming around the entire digit, he knew you were both in for a good time.

Removing the thumb he whispers a barely audible "fuck me" before smashing your lips back together, tongues massaging together as he peels your underwear to the side with his hand swiftly and presses digit you'd lubricated with your mouth against your clit, moving it fast from side to side with just the right amount of pressure to make your head spin. Gasping, you throw your head back, hands clasped around his neck as you lean back and feel yourself start to leak a little with arousal. The few spots dripping down on to the counter.

You could say it had been a while but really this guy was moving his way round your body in the same way you tune a guitar in key. Calloused fingers applying the right amount of pressure as you felt yourself start to get to the edge already. He was kissing down the front if your chest, between your breasts, not missing a beat when he pushed both triangles of your bikini aside and you moaned loudly as he kissed and sucked hard around your nipple, tentatively pulling it between his teeth firmly, the sound you let out made him clamp a little harder before sucking in the whole nipple again, soothing the skin his tongue. Most likely leaving a mark behind, but you kind of liked the idea of proof he'd been devouring you in all honesty.

You were becoming blissed out from all the stimulation. Clenching and moving your hips around nothing but this magical thumb working your clit up and down hard. You were overcome with this whole situation playing out the way it had. You broke away from his mouth again.

"Oh fuck.. Harry, I'm… FuckFuck I'm going to come, I'm gonna fucking… Ahhh" he pulled back one arm steadying you as your head hit the mirror behind you in your release. He just watched you and slowed his thumb down watching as the liquid cascaded onto the counter.

After you'd come down you open your eyes and shyly smiled before kissing him passionately, his hands moving around your waist tightly. You moved your hand to his shorts, teasingly grazing the outline of his cock between your fingers in hopes of repaying the favour. He does a single throaty laugh and removes your hand, holding himself against his thigh. You look at him in confusion when he splutters,

"Sorry, sorry its just I'm going t'blow my load if you touch me." then he's back on your lips "Too. Fucking. Sexy" he says between wet kisses to your jaw, neck and clavicle. "Wanted to do this since I first set eyes on you" one hand is on the back of his neck twisting nape curls between your fist whilst the other rests behind you, stopping you from hitting your head on the mirror again.

"Oh yeah? Before or after I ruined your clothes?" you laugh teasingly as he slides his hands around your back to finally remove the bikini top properly, lifting it up over your head and tossing it aside somewhere on the floor. He let's a laugh out himself completely entranced still by how natural you are around him, it was often hard to connect with strangers in his position.

"I'd spotted you walking in, was trying to open the door for you m'love" he says before sucking a red mark into your breast and massaging and pulling the other nipple slightly with his hand.

You struggle through sharp intakes of breath for a reply.

"Well….ah...that's what chivalry.. Oh.. Get's you these days I guess" and you're both laughing a little.

"Hmm. Have to try harder with my manners then won't I? I mean, I've got to clear up the mess I've made here" he cups his hand against your pussy rubbing it up and down a little with his palm. You let out a guttural noise at the friction. "Ladies first and all'tha too right?" he giggles again at himself.

You're practically cumming right then, you couldn't remember the last time someone actually went down on you. Your previous boyfriend not particularly into offering you foreplay. A main point of why he didn't stick around too long.

Harry kisses down your abdomen now, soft sloppy, sensual pecks, humming into your skin every so often in appreciation as he works at removing your soaked bikini bottoms with his hands, pushing them down to your knees before you help, letting them fall from the remaining ankle to the ground.

Harry is moving far too slow for you, kissing across each hip down to the top of your slit, breathing over where you desperately need him before paying the other side the same attention. Then he's licking up each crease where your thigh meets your pelvis.

"Y/N, just.. Just turn, that's it and lean back as far as you can there, shuffle forward until can't balance anymore" you shift your ass as forward as possible on the lip of the sink and prop yourself up on your elbows trying to be as flat as possible on the cold counter as you could, your toes behind the sink with one foot the other dangling over the edge. You keep you thighs open as Harry hunches over the counter where you now lay diagonal. He places his arms under your thighs and bends your legs flat out as he can stretch you, you're expecting some more teasing but he just looks down at your pussy licking over his lips and almost whining before burying his tongue inside you immediately. The force of his tongue lapping up your previous climax causes you once again to knock the side of your head against the mirrored wall. You turn and watch the scene almost as a spectator, witnessing yourself bare to this beautiful man, curly brown hair between your fists and making sounds like he's savouring every taste. He catches you watching before taking his mouth off you, immediately, you're whining in protest.

"Watch my eyes not my reflection baby, I'm right here"

His authoritative tone eclipsing every thought you had about the casual nickname, you stared down at the wonderful site of him lapping and suckling on your clit. Pointed tongue and firm laps against the swollen button. He then starts lapping up at your glistening hole,unhooking an arm to spread your lips open between his fingers and licking right from the bottom to the top with all the sloppy wet noises involved. He was feeling you contract as he locked faster and faster over you. His tongue deserved an award never mind his music. You couldn't believe you were on the brink of a second orgasm so quickly but when he sunk his middle finger into you at the same pace his tongue was working at, you were screaming his name into the extractor fan above before you knew it. You felt waves of liquid cascade from your pussy as he gently lapped up the produce of his work from you. You flinched in overstimulation but he cleaned up every last drop tenderly before carefully closing your legs and pivoting you round to your previous sitting up position on the counter. Neither of you had spoken a word since you came but as he leads your arms to drape over your shoulders, holding your fucked out body against his chest whilst peppering your temple with soft pecks . Then he kisses you intensely, letting you taste the sweet juices of yourself on his lips. You hummed in approval of the sweet taste as you came round.

A few minutes of carnal making out and things were heating up again. Your hands cupping his jaw then sliding to graze fingernails up and down his back, digging them in a little harder now and again and causing goosebumps to pierce through the skin rapidly under your touch.

You could feel him swallowing down grunts from the friction he was getting from his shorts covered cock brushing up and down between your slick folds.

He'd made you cum twice. Hard. He always got off of making his partners cum of course, so he was feeling beyond turned on and the slight heat of your glistening folds against his length was almostvsending him over the edge.

"I want you inside me" you whispered against his lips desperately.

No sooner had you said the words, his left hand was frantically searching through the vanities top drawer in hope. Finding a packet, checking the date quickly then tearing it between his teeth, spitting the seal onto the floor and pushing his shorts to his ankles, stepping out of them at speed before kicking them away.

He smirked when he caught your eyes bulge at his cock. He knew it was above average but the reaction was always a further compliment he thought.

Stepping forward he put on a show of putting the condom on, first rubbing the drops of sticky pre cum at the head and down his length keeping his eyes locked to yours as you wriggled on the counter with anticipation. He whined a little as it squeezed him rolling it on, so red and over sensitive from turning you on. So that's why, when you grabbed for it, he stilled your hand. Dimples appearing back in his cheeks as you looked again in confusion. He kisses you, languishing the moment before grabbing you forward from the countertop to the floor again, still keeping your lips attached. He lightly grips at your hips and turns you round to face the mirror once more.

Harry lightly grabs your throat, and the way you whimper and push your ass back against him, makes him mentally bank that idea for later perhaps. He runs his left hand up the column of your neck lightly holding your jaw between his thumb and forefinger, forcing you to look at him with his hand on your face and the other already working up and down your folds.

"I want you to watch us. Want you to watch yourself come apart. Want to watch you cum around my cock yeah? " he whispers in your ear. You noticeably shiver with excitement of what's to come.

"Please Harry, please, need it, need you."

You watch yourself babble and beg for his cock. The pathetic whimper from yourself as you try and circle your ass into his crotch again to encourage it happening. You were never patient and he's driving you insane here.

Bringing two fingers infront of your lips as you watch yourself in the mirror he looks you dead in the eye through the reflection.

"Spit" so you do, "good girl" he says kissing your cheek. His saliva lubed fingers are back rubbing your clit quickly whilst his knee nudges the back of yours to spread your feet wider as he kisses the back of your neck and shoulders. When he pauses next you're not expecting the hard thrust of him entering you entirely, sure you were dripping wet with the result of two orgasms but you cry out in a mix of stretch and pleasure as he pounds into you at a furious pace. His spare hand not on your clit is holding the bottom of your spine down as he keeps up his rhythm. His pace was that of a man desperate for release after watching you fall apart on his fingers and tongue. The build up meant he was already close as you tight walls fluttered around him. He pleads with you to stop tightening your walls around him or he's not going to last he whimpers.

You were already close again, you'd never cum this many times or this quickly in your life but you were ready for another round and by the sounds of him and the stutter his pace kept slipping you knew he was close too.

You quickly removed his hand, sucking your own fingers into your mouth to replace his own at your clit.

"M'gonna cum, but… OhOh fuck.. But need you harder. Deeper" you manage to get out.

He grunts a curse before squeezing your hips at a pressure that will leave marks tomorrow but the delight in the speed he was now able to snap his hips against the swells of your ass, was well worth it. It only took a few more seconds with the fingers that knew you best, for you to gush against his cock. Feeling absolutely exhausted you slump your sweaty chest onto the cold counter.

His orgasm taking him by surprise when you clenched up to milk him dry. He all but shouts your name as his hips stutter and you feel the warmth of his cum fill the one barrier between you.

His lips were back on your sweaty neck for a second whilst he disposed of the used condom. He ran the walk in shower and wordlessly you took his offered hand to join him under the hot spray. You'd never had an encounter end like this before not that you were a seasoned professional but after 3 orgasms the way his hands moved round your body under the water, washing away your antics with sweet strawberry-banana smelling suds on the flannel, left you with a warm floaty feeling the worn off alcohol never had.

He gently wipes your makeup from under your eyes then, smiling at the cute way your nose wrinkles slightly as he rubs at each eyebrow.

"I don't even have words" you finally laugh out blushing, not able to stand his gauge as you say it.

"Oh. So that's how to make that smart mouth o'yours stop is it? " he grins, you gasp in mock offense and go to say something but going under your chin with his thumb with his forefinger to connect your lips under the warm water spray he kisses you when you pull away you can't help but ask.

"So does this make us even on one ruined fancy vest then?"

"Hmmmm" he ponders with both hands on your face looking at the ceiling out if the falling water. " I'm not sure, I mean it was a custom, pretty high going rate those yeah"

"Yeahhhh you're right, you're right. Better factor in the cost of the custom job then hadn't I huh?"

You hurriedly sink to your knees on the tiled floor.