#there are... boundaries that should be respected with strangers in my opinion

[wishful-thinking64]

One Hell of an Unpopular Opinion #05

Apology Tour completely dismantles the very thought of Stolitz ever being a remotely healthy relationship once they actually become canon on account of AT proving that Stolas doesn't truly love Blitzø for who he is but rather the idealized version of him that Stolas created within his own head and could be replaced by anyone who's willing to take/play Stolas' idealized role of a partner. __________

As much as I hate Full Moon for wasting so much of the audiences time, it did give us that scene where Blitzø was finally sick of Stolas' shit and told him off for it. However, since it's HB the show immediately tries to run damage control in it's next episode, Apology Tour. This is not only another episode that I despise but it's also the one that solidified my hatred for Stolas and his character. In the beginning of Apology Tour, Stolas bitches and moans over how Blitzø is still making their "relationship" about sex when, news flash, it's ALWAYS been about sex because you, Stolas, have kept it that way to the point where your victim feels like he has to sleep with you in order to DESERVE to keep his OWN BUSINESS RUNNING!

And Blitzø isn't wrong! Their "relationship" has always been, as Blitzø worded it back in Season #01 of HB, "a transactional fucking." Why would he see it as anything different when that's how its always been? Now, how does Stolas reply to this?

Honestly, this IS very shocking Stolas as I believe this might be the first time where you and Blitzø have interacted with one another where you're not blatantly sexualizing or romanticizing him on screen! After this he says that Blitzø should respect the fact that he isn't in the mood to sleep with or even speak to him right now. Mind you, whenever Blitzø has told Stolas in the past that he isn't in the mood to sleep with him or be flirted with, Stolas has respected that notion ONE TIME which was after the fiasco at Ozzie's back from Season #01. Otherwise, Stolas hasn't respected his boundaries for shit. Boundaries are important but you two aren't in a real relationship and even if you were respect is still a two way street. If you command respect from someone you choose to CONTINUE to disrespect on a CONSTANT/CONSISTENT basis then why the hell should they respect you? If it wasn't for his book, Blitzø wouldn't have any incentive to cross paths with Stolas at all.

Anyway, literal seconds later, Stolas tells Blitzo how he got invited to an annual anti-Blitzø party and comments on how he's above such silly nonsense only for him to quickly change his tune upon seeing Blitzø's annoyed and enraged reaction to seeing that Verosika is behind this petty pity party.

This starts a back and forth with Stolas demanding that Blitzø leaves. This results in Blitzø, yet again, reinstating on what their relationship truly is and how Stolas fetishizes him which discomforts Stolas because deep down he knows what Blitzø is saying is true.

Now, I won't get into the conversation that takes place after this comment as the critical side of the Helluva Boss fandom on Tumblr has already (rightfully) torn it to shreds. So instead, I'll save us all some time by simply skipping ahead to when Stolas is at the party after that Incubus guy (that rabbid Stolitz shippers hate) asks him if he wants to dance and why I despise that entire scene.

We see that Blitzø is uncomfortable with this and Stolas KNOWS that he's uncomfortable with this random guy asking Stolas to dance with him as Stolas made DIRECT EYE CONTACT with Blitzø! Now, Blitzø does effectively advise that Stolas take up the Incubus' offer with a hand gesture HOWEVER for Stolas to claim that he's always been in love with Blitzø and that he has eyes for him and him alone only to later MAKE OUT WITH A STRANGER just proves and validates Blitzø's feelings that you don't actually love or care about him! And moments before this scene Stolas says this.

THEN GO AND FIND THAT PERSON AS LITERALLY ANYBODY CAN DO THAT! YOU DO NOT LOVE BLITZØ, YOU MERELY LOVE THE CONCEPT OF BEING IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM BECAUSE TO YOU, YOU SEE HIM AS A "CHILDHOOD FRIEND" WHEN IN REALITY YOU KNEW HIM AND HUNG AROUND HIM FOR ONE DAY SINCE YOUR FATHER BOUGHT HIM TO BE YOUR PLAYMATE FOR A SINGLE DAY! ... *Ahem.* In conclusion, there's no amount of future retconning that Viv and Spindlehorse can do to successfully make Stolitz appear as a genuinely healthy ship without trashing the entirety of Apology Tour but even that would create/introduce an entire new set of problems. __________

Man, I've been wanting to get this one off my chest for a while as I haven't seen many people bring up these scenes from AT when discussing how and why Stolas doesn't love Blitzø. I hope you enjoyed reading my thoughts this time around and I'll see you later!

[rattusrattus3]

bro im the same way about people trying to tell me im autistic like hi i didn't ask ur opinion!! its weird and a common overstep of boundaries ??! nobody ive seen rly talks about that so ya. i hear u fr

RHAhhhhhhhhh thank u for this comment. i’ve been thinking about this a lot lately and been working on a script for it but i’m also worried its not productive to post/won’t be helpful/will be harmful ... but since u sent this ask, im gonna give a little spiel. (aka copy pasting stuff from my script im working on)

The history of psychiatry is FULL of pathologizing people who don't conform.

I want to be really clear about something: I’m not anti-label. I’m not here to shame anyone for seeking a diagnosis, or self diaognosing as autistic, ADHD, or otherwise neurodivergent. For many people, those words offer community, validation, and access to care. I fully support people embracing the language that helps them feel understood.

what I don’t support is being labeled by others—without my consent.

I’m not in denial. I have my own suspicions, my own experiences, my own rhythms and ways of being. But I’ve also made the intentional choice not to seek a diagnosis—not because I think it’s shameful, but because I don’t want or need it to understand myself. My brain is mine. I like it, & I don’t need a category to validate it/understand how it works.

mental illness is real. neurodivergence is real. but a lot of what makes them unbearable is the world we’re expected to function in. the goal shouldn’t be “how do I fix myself?” but “why is the world so hostile to softness, fluctuation, and need?”

Like ... labels should be helpful, if your autism diagnosis or finding out what autism traits you related to made YOU feel more comfortable, more understanding and able to express yourself, that’s amazing, I am happy for you!!!! It’s not that I’m ignorant of WHY people think I’m autistic. It’s just. Not how I personally choose to understand my brain! I don’t relate to the label ! I’m sorry!!! I’m happy if you do, but the label does not feel helpful to me or like I chose it for myself;.

Let me flap my hands. Let me lose my train of thought. Let me stim or fidget or spiral without assuming I’ve failed some unspoken neurotypical standard—or passed some secret test that earns me some neurodivergent badge. Let people have their brains. Without labeling them. Without “diagnosing” them. Without turning the spectrum of human behavior into a taxonomy of correctness.

There’s a difference between self-recognition and social labeling. Some people find immense relief in terms like ADHD or autism—it helps them understand their needs, find community, and access care. That’s WONDERFUL!!!! That’s valid.

But not everyone wants, needs, or benefits from those labels. And no one should be pressured into claiming an identity that doesn’t resonate, just because someone else finds it familiar.

I am trying to create space that doesn’t require proof of suffering or identity to be treated with basic respect and care. 

let people have their brains. without diagnosis, without moral panic, without gatekeeping or pathologizing.

Neurodiversity also includes people who choose not to label themselves. Mental health acceptance MUST include the right to decline categorization, to refuse treatment, to not be coerced—by the state, by the medical system, or by strangers on the internet who think they’re being supportive.

If we truly want a more inclusive world, we need to move away from the idea that diagnosis = identity, or that only labeled brains are allowed to be strange, brilliant, scattered, or alive in ways that don’t fit the mold.

ps i think autistic people are super cool! i think adhd folks are awesome! i just don't relate to those labels as a way of understanding myself....

also, foucault talking about the body and brain and how they are medicalized seriously radicalized me .. this vid might be handy for anyone curious (its 8 min and a good intro IMO) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BBJTeNTZtGU

[captainzigo]

Hi everypony!

My kofi is ko-fi.com/captainzigo if you enjoy my art, consider leaving me a tip! this is otherwise entirely a labor of love so,,,

you can also send a request with your tip! but if you choose to do so, please read the disclaimer later on in this post**

my non-art blog, where i accept asks is @snapewife-divorce-lawyer and my reblog-spam blog is @3amgaypotion also i am on bluesky: https://bsky.app/profile/captainzigo.bsky.social

that's a bunch of pictures of my oc(/ponysona) Prickly Pear. she's a cowgirl

Frequent/noteworthy questions below the break

**on donations made to me:

if you send a request with a donation, there's a 99% chance i'll do it. and that remaining 1% i'll probably just ask you for a different request. if you send me a request with a donation you are not sending me a commision. you are making a donation, and i might do you a favor as a result. you do not own the resulting art. and I am under no obligation to complete it or to do it in the way that you like. you do not need to make a donation in order to make a request.

DM me about commissions

on sending me asks:

any asks you send me should be like Strongbad emails. one paragraph. no attachments. unless you are sending me refs.

in any interactions, please keep in mind that i am a stranger on the internet and act accordingly.

unless I have explicitly said otherwise, you can safely assume that I do not count you amongst my friends. it is nothing personal, it is in fact the opposite.

why am i like this?

i am autistic. i say this because representation matters, but also because i would like to ask that you please be very frank with me. i don't even really need your patience. just say what you mean and we will get along fine.

can you draw my ocs?

you most certainly can draw any of my ocs. i'd love that acually. tag me

on (re)posting my art:

do not post my art on other platforms. do not repost my art period. I don't really exist on other platforms since i deleted Twitter. So if you see my stuff on other platforms, it's not me. except for my bluesky.

transformative works are obviously allowed, at least here in USamerica where i live. but if you want my blessing, please keep them SFW, and try to keep the spirit of the original artwork

is my blog SFW?

im in my twenties. i keep my blog SFW (as i define it) as a strict rule.

i do not consider the fact that sex exists, that some people enjoy it, or some innuendo to be NSFW. i also do not consider swearing, even as tho a sailor might, to be NSFW.

are NSFW interactions ok?

in short: no. while i have no aversion to to that sort of thing, and often actually enjoy it, i keep this blog SFW. the intention behind my art is to be SFW even when it might be skirting the line. in general, and especially, specifically with mlp, i do not wish to have NSFW interactions on the internet. please respect this boundary.

on shipping:

in my opinion, all romance real or fictional should be between people who are similar in age, doing age appropriate things, not closely related, and all with mutual consent. i am not interested in witnessing or interacting with anything outside of these parameters.

on my blue hair and pronouns:

i am a trans woman. i am also bisexual. i am also poly and demi since im listing things. i am out online becasue i know how important it is to know that you aren't alone.

do i take constructive criticism?

NO 🖕👹🖕 FUCK YOU!!!!!!! GET BLOCKED IDIOT!! unless you are a marginalized person who feels i have unintentionally made you uncomfortable somehow with my art or otherwise. in that case i am sorry and you do me a great favor by calling me out. OTHERWISE FUCK YOU DUMBASS IF YOU DONT LIKE MY ART GO DRAW YOUR OWN 🖕🖕🖕🖕

“i hate bronies”…

i don't necessarily hate you if you self identify with that label. i like to make myself off-putting to keep creeps away. i talk about it more in this post: https://www.tumblr.com/captainzigo/744131513208176640/when-i-say-i-hate-bronies-in-my-header-its

brony?

i don't hold a lot of nostalgia for old brony stuff. infact it's quite the opposite. i was a child when the show came out, and more than that i am a girl. i am not a brony.

do i like g5?

i like all generations of mip including the new stuff. gen 4 is just the one i grew up with

why is my header aurora, bori and alice from the best gift ever?

well that would be because i hate them like a mother hates a child. like the sun hates the moon. like a sickly victorian child hates the slightest morsel of bread.

on flurryheart:

i often draw stuff about cozy glow x flurry heart. this is with the understanding that cozy glow spends about a decade turned to stone. nullifying the age gap.

🤓☝️ i think you mean effect, not affect

i am dyslexic. i spell stuff wrong all the time and i type weird. please don't bother correcting me. wooptydoo your brain is wired normally. sending you a medal.

on my username:

i've had the same username since i debuted on the internet. zigo is the name of an oc i made that i dont really talk much about anymore. zigo is a fine enough nickname, and at least one person calls me that irl.

[kiefbowl]

hi, sorry for sending this outta nowhere but i guess i just need some advice. i'm a lesbian still in the closet, and there's a guy in my class who likes me. i know this because he straight up told me he'd like to be "at least friends" with me, and has called me hot "jokingly" before multiple times. the thing is, he's not a bad guy, if he wasn't into me i'd even like to be friends with him, but knowing he likes me that way makes me feel gross, makes me feel objectified. i can't hang out with him without imagining how he really thinks about me, what he imagines. he's been getting kinda touchy lately, like nowhere inappropriate, just on my shoulders and stuff, but i hate it. and i guess this is really starting to get to me, i feel so relieved when he doesn't show up to class (we're in the same class in college), and i feel tense when we talk, even if it's a fun conversation. it's starting to impact my day to day life, i feel like a piece of meat. when he said he'd like to be "at least friends" with me, i said (among other things, it was a long conversation) that i was looking for friendships, emphasis on friends. i know i should have straight up told him i wasn't interested in him romantically, but i got scared of his reaction. i don't think he'd get mad, but he'd definitely be hurt on some level. he's the main extrovert in our friend group in uni, the "glue" of the group per se, and i'm scared of people isolating me when they figure out something happened between us and i'm the reason he's sad. i want to tell him i'm a lesbian so he doesn't think i'd reject him because i dislike him, but i don't know if he's homophobic, and i'm so scared of him being one of those weirdos with a lesbian fetish. one say he saw me reading dykes to watch out for, he asked what it's about and i told him it was about the lives of a group of lesbians. i was hoping so bad he'd get the hint, but i don't think he did.

i don't know what to do. i guess i'm waiting for him to ask me out directly so i can be more firm, i can't just randomly tell him i'm not interested without the subject having come up naturally, but i'm getting kinda desperate.

I'm going to give you a few pieces of broad advice that I think will help you:

First: Any amount and any kind of touching that you don't want is inappropriate touching. You don't have to wait until it gets "bad" or "worse" until you say something. If someone jokingly touches your shoulder and you don't like it, you are within your right to say "I don't want you to touch my shoulder like that anymore" and that person, as a good person and a good friend, should immediately respect that. This is true if it's a man or a woman, someone you know or a stranger, or even family. It's your body, you get to dictate your boundaries.

Second: Retribution from friends because you aren't making yourself available as a dating option for someone is a sign of terrible, awful friends and, frankly, just as people in general. I understand being scared, especially if you think any violence is at risk, but when you're in a situation where you can't act in your own self-interest because you are too afraid of punishment, it's worth asking yourself what you are getting from these friendships beside just general companionship and not being alone. Why are these people worth your time in your opinion? Yeah, maybe they're funny and nice, maybe they aren't "evil", but are you too afraid to give them reasons to prove they actually aren't nice? Well then, it's probably because you know they aren't actually nice.

Third: You don't need to make up a rule book in your head then ask me permission to break those rules. You can tell him you're not interested, because it's not random, it's something that's weighing on your mind. You are actually the focal point in this conversation because it's about you and you are experiencing your life, not him and not your friends. If you think it will seem random to him, frame it in a way so it isn't. You can say things like, "I have a hunch you're interested in me romantically, and if that's true I want to be clear that I am not interested in that from you" or "I have something that's been weighing on my mind, and it feels awkward to talk about, but it makes me uncomfortable, and I want to discuss it with you."

Fourth: No one in this world will ever or even can fight for your comfort and pleasure that best benefits you except for you. You can sideline your own comfort forever, and what that will get you is an uncomfortable existence. There's no two ways about that. So why not fight for your comfort and pleasure, why not do the uncomfortable thing that gets you what you want than do the uncomfortable things that doesn't get you anything you want? A lifelong struggle for all of us to some degree, but perhaps this is the best time in your life to push yourself in this way. Good luck :)

[khaire-traveler]

Hi! Could you help me? I really want to worship the Theoi, but it's hard when i read the mythology :(

I mean, in the myths so many gods do it terrible things... Apollo on Cassandra and Marsyas, Dionysus on Pentheus and Orpheus, Artemis on Kallisto, Hera on Zeus's lovers and offsprings...

How can i worship, for example, Apollon, after all the horrible things he do it in the myths, i really want to but the more i seek into greek mythology, more hard is 😫

Hey, Nonny,

The most important thing to remember about the myths is not to take them literally. The myths are just that: myths. They are stories written over 2,000 years ago in a culture where many of these things were, unfortunately, considered normal. These days, we look back and frown upon these things, but back then, it was widely accepted.

The myths are not "The Bible" of Hellenic worship. Mythic literalism isn't encouraged. The myths were meant to explain things that happened in nature or why we should respect the gods (due to their power and influence), but they are not meant to be taken literally. There are lessons to be learned from them, such as to not be rude to others or to be kind to strangers and guests, but in my opinion, they're not literal representations of the gods.

In my experience, the gods are significantly different from how they're represented in the myths. Apollo, for example, is extremely kind, respectful, and doesn't overstep the boundaries that I've set. He's helped me through some of the darkest moments in my life and has been there for me right after I was SA'ed. As another example, Zeus helped me escape from a horrible abuser. He helped me cut all ties with them and protected me from their influence. He forgave past transgressions that I had made under the abuser's manipulation. He was kind, understanding, and made me feel safe. Hera, as another example, helped my family when I had prayed for her assistance during a time where my family's future was entirely uncertain. She came to me with a warm, motherly energy, and even though I had been nervous, her presence was reassuring.

Ultimately, it's your choice if you want to take the myths literally; I'm not going to stop you or anyone else from doing so. However, I disagree strongly with that point of view. The gods have proven themselves, in my experience, to be nothing but compassionate, accepting, and respectful. They have lent me their aid freely and helped me grow into a more mature, better person. I don't believe we're meant to take the myths so literally. I think the myths are stories, written thousands of years before our lifetimes, by people who thought atrocious actions were ok based on the culture they stemmed from.

I hope this clarified my opinions on the matter, and maybe it brought you some peace of mind. Take care, Nonny, and best of luck on your journey. 🧡

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

Do you think it's okay for me to write for TWST even though I don't play the game?

Personally, I don’t think anyone ever “needs” to play a game in order to enjoy it and create for it. Sometimes you can just observe art from a distance and appreciate it, or you like hearing about how it brings joy to people you know. Maybe you like the aesthetic of it but can’t really see yourself getting heavily involved with it. Perhaps you don’t like gacha games so you can’t be motivated to engage with the mechanics. There are many possible avenues.

In the case of a game like Twisted Wonderland, there may be accessibility reasons why you don’t play since the game is only in English and Japanese—and even then, maybe your country doesn’t have a server to host it. In fact, I know there are many people who are TWST fans yet only read translations or watch videos about it without having played the game themselves. Maybe they found the manga or the light novel first. Whenever the anime comes out, people might discover TWST through that. We have to consider these aspects and be more open-minded about what constitutes as a “fan” rather than gatekeeping the label of “fan” to only those who play tie game for no discernible reason. What defines someone as a fan or not isn’t the labels other people put on you—you are the one that decides what you want to label yourself, and whether you are a fan or not.

I believe that also extends to content creation in fandom spaces. No one’s stopping you from making fan art or writing fanfic (or whatever it may be) just because you don’t play the game, and nor should you need anyone’s thumbs-up to do so. When you think that you do, you’re only imposing an arbitrary limit and holding yourself back. You have to be confident in deciding what you want to make without worrying how others might perceive you for it.

Now, that being said 💦 I don’t mean to scold anyone for asking me questions, but I feel that I again need to stress this: I am an internet stranger. My opinion or approval/disapproval shouldn’t hold any more weight than the next person’s. You should not put too much value in the advice of an internet stranger either. You shouldn’t care whether or not I think something is okay for you to do. The only person who can give you “permission” is you!

I understand that maybe people may feel uncertain about themselves or are looking for reassurance from a third party, but I do not feel I am the right place to go to for these kinds of things. Even though I answer in earnest, questions of this nature make me feel like I’m being put on the spot and pressured to provide timely comfort.

I don’t feel comfortable continuously being asked for very personalized advice like this; asks like this push on the boundary and start getting into uncomfortable territory for me. I’m here to talk about Disney anime pretty boys. I’m not here to be a fandom counselor 😅 Does that make sense?

This isn’t the only time I’ve received asks of this nature, nor is it the only time I’ve had to give a public warning about this. Please be mindful and respect the boundaries I have set.

[carrotcakesthots]

Irreversible: ‘Boys will be boys’

Irreversible is a film I really appreciated but could never recommend to literally anyone I know. Obviously, this is due to the graphic content in the film. This movie is probably about as violent as a film accepted by mainstream audiences could be. At first, I didn’t want to touch this film because of its infamous reputation. I passed it off as violently misogynistic garbage. But, I actually gave it a chance and it ended up meaning a lot to me. It’s not perfect. I have my problems with it, but the movie’s strong condemnation of both casual and extreme misogyny, violence and toxic masculinity all while advocating for empathy is something that resonated with me. The entire film’s story is told in reverse chronological order, so the audience is subjected to the brutal events first and then ends on a bittersweet note, showing Alex and Marcus being a happy couple with a looming atmosphere of inevitability and dread as we already know the fate of these characters. Because of this format, the movie subverts the ‘Revenge’ movie genre by not giving us any context of the events occurring beforehand, leaving our opinions of the main character and the violence he is committing at the beginning to be preconceived. If we were given context, many might’ve tried justifying Marcus’s carnage. Some might’ve found it cathartic and it would’ve seemed gratifying for him. Instead, the audience is subjected to a long and brutal scene of a blood thirsty man killing a stranger with a fire extinguisher. There is nothing attractive to the viewer about the violence they are witnessing. It is presented as completely barbaric and inhumane as it should be instead of glorifying it and treating life as if it is valueless like how so many other films within the genre does. When the story progresses and we get more context for what is going on, we learn that who is killed in the beginning is not Le Tenia. Marcus confuses someone else for Le Tenia, starts beating him and has his arm broken. Pierre defends him and kills the stranger while Le Tenia watches. If they had thought with their heads instead of their fists, they wouldn’t have ended up killing a random guy while blinded by rage. They would’ve done the right thing and supported Alex in the hospital. There is no justification for violence and it is an unproductive way of solving complex issues. In fact, if they had more empathy, none of this would’ve happened. When Alex leaves the party, instead of following her or caring at all about Alex’s well being, Marcus is taking drugs and flirting with other women while Alex is being raped. If he held more value towards Alex rather than treating her and other women as disposable objects, all of the horrific events happening later in the movie could’ve been prevented. This is why I believe the film urges the viewer to challenge men’s misogynistic views and behaviors and to hold them accountable more often before it develops into a bigger problem. The scene directly after Alex is violently assaulted, her ex boyfriend, Pierre, is persistently asking her intrusive questions about her relationship. She’s shown to be uncomfortable and plays it off. The audience would, unfortunately, play it off too if we hadn’t seen the scene beforehand because of how normalized casually disregarding and overstepping women’s boundaries and feelings is in society. We feel more empathy for Alex, we know that women’s boundaries should be respected and shouldn’t be treated with this lack of value, dignity and respect so passively. ‘Boys will be boys’ is not a good enough excuse for being a shitty person. Misogynistic behaviour is continuously enabled until it reaches its extreme. If we don’t stop that pattern of behaviour before it escalates, when will it be too late? 

[ongreenergrasses]

"Harassment. Don't engage in targeted abuse, bullying, or harassment. Don't engage in the unwanted sexualization or sexual harassment of others. If someone is sending you unwanted messages, or reblogging your posts in an abusive way, we encourage you to be proactive. Report them, and block the hell out of them. And if someone blocks you, don't attempt to circumvent the block feature or otherwise try to communicate with them."

Is the mere act of reading a blocked blog harassment, as "don't attempt to circumvent the block feature or otherwise try to communicate with them." its under the rules of Harassment.

In your opinion, Is the act of reading a blocked block a cause for distress to the author enough that it should be avoided?

Is reading a blocked blog distressful to the person who blocked you?

another good question is anonymous interaction, unless the person knows its you, are you technically interacting with the blog, or do you have the new identity of "nonny" .

If your nonny your totally concealed. Unless "nonny" him/herself is blocked.

entertaining this in good faith, do not make me regret it.

If someone has blocked you, that is them saying that they do not want you interacting with them. that is them setting a boundary. it is up to you to decide whether or not you have enough respect for yourself and others to honor their boundaries and stay away from them. if you are block evading, I think it’s worth thinking about why…honestly to me it shows a) you’re way too attached to a stranger on the internet, who cares and b) for what it’s worth, I don’t respect you if you block evade. I’ve had multiple block evaders on my ao3 and on here and I’m sick of them.

at the same time, my blog is set to be viewable without an account, which means that block evaders can see it and send me asks if they’re logged out. that’s the agreement I entered into by running a public blog and keeping anons on. I don’t know who any of my anons are, and unless someone’s saying something really nasty I’m assuming that you’re all coming to me in good faith and will entertain whatever you have to say. I can’t control the behavior of others beyond asserting my boundaries and hoping people respect me enough to observe them. It doesn’t necessarily upset me to think that people I have blocked read my blog, it says a lot more about them and their character than it does about me.

my opinion on this however does not really matter. it is genuinely in the terms and conditions of tumblr that you just cited that if you are blocked, you should not read that person’s blog or block evade. if you are on this website, you are agreeing to abide by its rules even if you disagree with them, and that’s one of them. so I would encourage you to follow it.

[hologramcowboy]

I was listening to the con videos and could not help saying this, why would a parent ask for two actors advice to handle their child's bullying and the further consequences, especially if that child is going through such a rough time , having panic attacks in the name of school etc? This is your child's life for gods sake, not a fan experience to share! Just go to the expert for advice! Not only you are oversharing your child's life in front of a bunch of strangers but also making two actors really uncomfortable by asking for their advice.

Jensen and Jared are actors not life coaches, therapists, etc. so it is absolutely not a good idea to put them on the spot with questions like those. It’s also trying to force fandom into their private lives where it has zero business. Conventions should never be about actors sharing family moments, this is just my opinion but as a professional actor your conventions should focus on your work and your connection to your fans. Overexposing personal details is never a good idea and makes the actors seem less than professional. Same goes for fans, overexposing your private life in front of actors is so cringe I cannot even. This is just my view, of course, and people should do what feels best to them but please do so while respecting the actor’s boundaries.

[jiangwanyinscatmom]

hi i hope you are doing well! i would like to apologize for trolling and bugging you + your friends a long time ago.

i realized after a lot of self reflection that i was listening to those who i didn't even agree with fundamentally but felt pressured to accomodate their views esp when it came to how some ppl felt like wangxian and hualian were better separate with other characters + devaluing mxtx as an individual bc "the author is dead/mxtx critical". i should have curated my space and taken a stand to express my perspective but i didn't.

i apologize if i ever made you angry or down. it was more so a reflection of me and upon reflecting, relationship trauma that seeped into a space where it never should have. you don't have to accept this and maybe you don't remember. but regardless, im sorry!

Hi there.

I am glad you have been able to find a place for your own self to be comfortable with. If you feel forced or pressured to do something to be accepted by others, they are not your friends and do deserve better for yourself.

We all are allowed our own space for opinions as much as others are able to as long as it remains respectful. That's all I and my friends ask for. If you don't like me, fine, it hurts me none at all as those that have harassed me are strangers but to use my friends and to demean them has been what has hurt the most, and I do take offense on their behalf when they are attacked.

And this all applies to creators, they are the ones that have to work within the frame of a lot of hurdles to publish, create and make their content. People feel as if they are owed a part of their mind all while not having the kindness to remember they are only people as well.

Respect goes a very long way, and in the end that's all I can encourage amongst this space, but I also refuse to say it's okay to let others be forced to do things they're uncomfortable with just to fit in for having a "right" opinion. Morals are a matter of kindness first and foremost when that is used as a way to say you are better than someone, you no longer have the right to claim morals.

I hope you have been able to be comfortable in whatever hobbies you have found and able to let others know your own boundaries for your own peace of mind. I appreciate the apology and for any of my friends that you may have sent this to or will be and do take care of yourself. All the best.

[spurgie-cousin]

There isn’t a doubt in my mind that Jill had some kind of role in the end of Renee’s courtship - whether it was from boundary breaking or something happened that Jill didn’t approve of so she and David made them call it off.

I’m leaning toward the boundary breaking (sneaking glimpses of him into posts like how she films the amish people she’s around) and I think that’s why Tim and Heidi eventually set their own boundary of being allowed to share their own news when they want: I think Tim saw what Jill’s overstepping did to Renee.

OR my left field answer is the suitor/his family did some online research on the Rodrigues family and decided “nope, not going to be attached to this family until death do us part”

I totally agree tbh. My gut feeling is that Mystery Man disagreed with one of two of Jill and David's rigid standards, like I remember he seemed to be a more casual dresser compared to the Rods and I think Jill would take issue with even something that small. She's always had big opinions about how boys should look in public, church clothes with short hair, tucked in shirt, no exceptions (maybe he refused to go to the gym in jeans or something).

But I think it's equally likely that she just didn't respect his boundaries bc I don't honestly think Jill believes in boundaries in the first place (she went to funeral of a stranger's kids and filmed herself crying ffs). Bc honestly if he took the time to ask her to please not post about him on social media, it's possible he meant NOTHING at all, even him with his face blocked, bc people on the internet can still find out his identity through other context clues and he probably knows that as a gen z (assuming).

Idk I just have a feeling that Renee's parents talked her into breaking it off over something petty or small bc they're just such raging bigots, but I could be wrong who knows. I'm nosey enough to hope that either Jill or Renee spills the beans some day.

[dataframe]

I loved your peak lords thought-reading comic. The line "besides, i simply couldn't handle everyone lying to my face; acting as though i'm a woman when i'm obviously not" hit me like a truck. Is that a common feeling for trans people? I'm figuring some shit out and this really rang true.

holds your hand. i can only speak from my experience, but i would say it is a fairly common line of thought for trans people, yes. especially when someone is just starting to figure themself out, or those for whom treatment/gender affirmation is generally unattainable

unfortunately, society at large makes it particularly difficult for nonbinary people to find their place - especially if you live in a place that uses many more gender markers in conversation (he/él/etc. as opposed to sya/ta/etc.), it becomes more difficult to avoid casual misgendering outside of specifically gendered terms (in fil, siya/niya is neutral but kuya/ate/etc. would be gendered and common, even from strangers).

however - throughout my entire experience being 'transgender' (genderless), i would say you should still strive to avoid what makes you explicitly uncomfortable. if only a standard held among friends

(and, just a small note, if in the future your 'friends' are purposefully/repeatedly disregarding something as simple as "please do not use masculine/feminine terms for me" ... they are not your friends! or not friends worth having, at least. the trans stuff is not the point here: this betrays a larger issue irt not having the decency to respect your boundaries. if they can discard this on their own whim, it doesn't matter if you're cis or trans or what, they will treat you poorly if they consider your boundaries to be "irrational" in my experience... you deserve much more than that!)

many people, when interacting with those they do not know, will put up a guise of some sort. i, being autistic, do mask often and have become more keenly aware of doing so recently - as such, i've begun to consider my gender presentation to be part of this 'mask'. at times i will still be uncomfortable, but generally speaking, i don't... take the opinions of strangers to heart. it is only natural that in brief encounters people will make assumptions to navigate social spaces. the only times where it really matters, in my opinion, is when you know you will be taking this mask off. when you are meant to be around people who you are spending a lot of time with (thus, seeking comfort with) and trust. these are people who you are actively keeping in your life, and who would need to know how you want to be perceived.

it will be easier to quell your apprehensions/doubts around other trans people, of course, regarding the idea that "everyone knows i'm just pretending to be this thing i'm not" (because then, aren't you all?) -- but if you have good friends, cis or not, they will hear you out and. as a genderless person, i'm pleased enough when i hear their conclusion of "you're just you" ... the one benefit to gender being a social construct, is the social aspect. it really is much easier for cis people to reform their views if they are around trans people and are willing to listen. in turn, trans people who are still upholding a firm gender/sexual dichotomy are that much more difficult to speak with. it is in part just a matter of exposure and patience to have someone become accustomed to letting down the walls between what constitutes as "woman/man/'something else' (derogatory)" ... because there are so many examples of even cis non-conforming gays who have defined those standards and are still fully women or men. spending time in [lesbian] spaces with such people has been immensely helpful for me, personally, in breaking down my own preconceptions of what women "should" be. it truly isn't as clear-cut as society often insists upon!

and. well. going back to the trans friends thing... i really do sympathize with the uncertainty, having to just. offer your heart on a plate and be like 'please don't secretly take pieces of this and destroy my trust' (misgendering you privately/in their minds) -- but, on the other end of things? once i got used to it, i've never once thought about my friends as anything but what they've said they are. and i imagine, and hope, that your friends will feel the same if you do pursue this any further. even if treatment isn't available to you/not something you feel comfortable pursuing to make your gender identity more "obvious" at a glance, you really do deserve a space where you'll feel accepted and at ease to experiment with how you'd like to be referred to - even before making any explicit adjustments to your identity. there is no pressure to figure everything out right away. hell, even if you're not trans, you're still well within your right to bring something up like "i like being called beautiful/pretty more than handsome" or even outright "can you substitute 'bro' for 'girl'" in slang contexts. there's a gay bear i know to have asked for the latter while still happily referring to himself as his bf's husband.

ahhh i've gotten so long-winded, but... tl;dr, i do hope things work out well for you. and even if the practicality of being transgender in certain ways is difficult to handle, it is a burden you should be able to trust your friends will take, because they care for you and you deserve at least one place to feel at ease.

[youremyheaven]

For anuradha/pushya guy anon, some crafty mercurial/venusian advice (😈), don’t believe what guys say, only pay attention to actions. Don’t be too trusting until he has proven his worth. Be very suspicious if he is showering you in affection on the first date, he is only wanting to get something out of you! Both parties should treat the other as strangers, if he’s coming on way too strong and is essentially love bombing you, don’t take him seriously or watch him closely cause he could be off. If you can’t do hookups then don’t but if you do, expect the kind of behavior you experienced. Honestly, avoid dating apps like the plague. I’m of the opinion that we find who we’re meant to find and everything else is a distraction—you’ll find more of those fuckboy types the more you use apps (attracts performative attention-seeking types as much as normal folks), great guys I’ve met, I’ve met offline. You’ll hopefully find less losers irl. Men with messy boundaries like that are corny and lame 😒. Don’t believe a man who says they want something casual until they have proved mature and aware of the requirements for such an arrangement. They will usually want a mother and sexual object that they can summon and dismiss at their every sassy little whim. Don’t waste your time. That or they have relationship trauma. Not your job.

Make sure not care very much about the entire affair (maybe my Solar AK talking), be detached, confident, and maintain firm boundaries. This will repel lames like this guy. It will also attract more men the higher you hold your head and the more confident and unbothered you are—this also intimidates the other discardable men as well. Ultimately, the more you become yourself, the better your romantic prospects are! Partners, especially male ones, are not the goal but an addition. Centering and prioritizing them will only slow you down to becoming the bad bitch you are meant to be 😍😈. Especially since so many are immature, manipulative, insecure and weak-willed these days, just keep in the back of your mind that “this man needs to prove he is not an inconvenience to my life or get out of my way”. Don’t be in danger, BE the danger! I don’t mean that literally but don’t hesitate on being a bit ruthless.

That’s my dating advice, for saturn men (and all men) don’t blow smoke up their ass and actually be more humbling towards them. If you’re standing on business they tighten up quick—apparently Saturnians are not for the faint of heart 😮‍💨! Don’t let him win you over too easy. Be sweet but elusive (centered around yourself, if you forget about the guy during the day you’re doing good), be kind but unshakable. Command respect in your presence and it will be given as a reflex in dating. Not saying don’t be soft and loving, but the post-capitalist algorithm ego-polluted dating scene we have is basically a battlefield at this point in my eyes. Honestly I’ve found when a saturn man is intimidated by you they act properly. Don’t play it safe if you know how to put men in their place—clearly their mamas and daddies ain’t doin it…saturn men might also run away if they don’t feel worthy or insecure if they aren’t toxic and misogynistic. It is likely they will have something toxic around them or some kind of trauma or difficulty; I am yet to meet a Saturnian without heavy struggles. I have them too so I don’t mind, but be aware. If you do catch their eye as a relationship prospect, they will probably be weird because they feel vulnerable. They will probably confuse the hell out of you too but you just have to be stable in yourself, warm towards them and let them feel safe and seen, and never give up your autonomy. If they aren’t the worst, it is still a shot in the dark if you’ll get anywhere since it’s very likely there’s SOMETHING you’ll trigger if you reach their heart. Be patient with it if you feel the trouble is worth it. :)

Be safe and stay confident!

this is good advice for anybody in general<3

"Command respect in your presence and it will be given as a reflex in dating."🥵🥵🔥🔥🔥OHHH U ATEEE WITH THIS 1

[hanasnx]

some updates while i’m here. i miss you! whether you’re a casual enjoyer of my blog & i see you in my notes, or my mutuals, or my followers, i’ve been thinking of you :) rare vulnerable moment i do cherish this blog and all your well wishes. thank you very much. i was right, typing is a huge strain and taking a break has been very good for my hands, so i’m going to keep at it.

some things:

don’t be afraid to keep sending me asks! they’re a great joy to me, i love seeing a notif in the inbox. i’ve gotten a fair few already that i’m excited to respond to when i can come back.

i did post a fred weasley drabble and not that i have to explain myself but i wanted to say i’ve been watching the harry potter movies. i’ve never seen them in their entirety, and the earlier ones have always been christmas movies in my house so to speak so i figured id give them a fair shot. i did read the books, and i’ve seen bits and pieces of the movies (hence my interest in fred weasley when i was a tween, but seeing him again made me wanna write for him for the first time in years)

also! a very kind anon told me earlier that my response to someone wrongfully making an ai chat bot of my content was an overreaction. it was “not that deep,” i believe was the colloquial term used. so the inherent content theft of ai invading free creative spaces is solved everyone! well done! very special thanks to the anon that let me know i was overreacting towards something i am passionate about and had a strong feeling towards! wow :) i never would’ve seen it like that. genuinely i am sorry anon that you’re ugly irl and your mommy doesn’t love you, which is why you feel like you can’t have a backbone over certain things. maybe you should stop consuming the free content creators provide on tumblr because you feel so secure in criticizing the selfless service <3 it’s giving: “im an old bigot that thinks ppl must be talentless and stupid when they work at mcdonald’s, but i’m still going to eat the food from there.” you’ve been blocked btw so you’re not offended by my use of free will when making free content on the internet for your grubby little hands to get a hold of and your smooth brain to criticize my right to share my personal opinions.

because the internet is the way it is, getting “hate” online has never really bothered me since i’ve always been a person with a large enough platform for years. it’s very easy for me to ignore and block and never answer whoever has decided to send some worthless hate message. which is probably why i almost never get hate anymore but it does happen occasionally. this was different since it wasn’t an attack on me per se, more so someone trying to admonish me for having a fair reaction towards something offensive. so i’m here to tell you it’s alright to treat strangers on the internet as strangers. you’re allowed to reinforce boundaries. you’re allowed to tell people you do not appreciate their actions towards you, and don’t leave room for argument. i am a very direct person, which means i told that person firmly that they needed to delete that ai chat bot they made of my au without my consent. and i did it without remorse. and i was told “it wasn’t that deep.” well it was. and it is. it is that deep because it’s deep to me, and i know it’s something that happens to others and it is that deep to them too. so what’s the problem in it being that deep? there is none :) let things be deep. be sincere. it is very important.

also if you make ai chat bots without creator’s consent when using their content you’re a piece of shit and doing a disservice to the very person you’re trying to exalt. take a step back and reevaluate how ai harms your interests rather than progresses them as well as the creators you claim your respect and cherish. you’re a victim of propaganda, my friend! and i prolly wouldn’t have made this post if anon hadn’t said anything. so maybe they should’ve kept their mouth shut since they didn’t wanna see shit like this so bad lmfao

now that that’s out of the way, i am sending wet fat sloppy kisses to everyone’s lips tell me when you receive them

[theroguefeminist]

Sorry to bother, but can I ask a question as a teacher? Back in that AITA post you reblogged, the anon said something like "I know I'm supposed to grade objectively, but I lowered his grade for bigotry". As a Brazilian that had to take tests to enter public university, I experienced tests that openly warned me they would zero my grade for bigoted speech. Like, writing "women are inferior to men" could very much get me a zero on my ENEM essay, and then I would have been disqualified for pratically all public universities for that year. So to me, that sounded pretty objective. Maybe that wouldn't be the case for a school test, but are there not such warnings for any test in the USA?

It's not a bother! It's interesting to see how different countries might handle the situation differently. This ask is regarding this AITA. Yes, the US is very different in terms of how writing is graded. In the US, "free speech" is protected, so the opinion of a student's writing is not supposed to factor into their grade. Writing is considered "strong" or "weak" depending on the evidence and reasoning provided to support claims, and the the quality of the prose of the writing (diction, syntax, grammar, usage, etc). Obviously, grading writing is always going to be somewhat subjective and differ a bit from teacher to teacher, but the goal is to be as objective as possible in assessing writing to teach the student skills to be a better writer.

That being said, my approach is to simply not allow bigoted topics for students' writing. "Free speech" is not absolute, and as a teacher, I have the responsibility to protect students from bigotry and guide them to be more accepting. So I just steer them in a different direction, and frame the assignment in a way so that their range of topics does not include that type of opinion. So far, that has worked for me, especially since I build rapport with students where they tend to listen to my feedback. That said, this was a testing situation with a student who is a total stranger, so that makes things more difficult. But even then, I'd talk to the student and maybe give them a "retake." Also, by law in the US, bigoted statements are generally not allowed in the workplace because it is considered harassment, so the behaviors of that student in the classroom would generally not be allowed in most schools. That being said, it can depend on how liberal or conservative of an area you live in. Conservative areas may allow or even encourage bigoted behavior. Major universities in the US tend to be liberal, so they might disqualify someone's whose essay was bigoted, like in Brazil, but there can be gray area and debate about what counts as an "opinion" or "bigotry" in the US. A university could get in trouble for "censoring free speech" or being "biased" against a conservative student.

I don't support that point of view, of course. I take no issue with barring bigoted students from a college, but since this is a high school student and not someone testing into college, my goal would be to educate the teenager on bigotry and, failing that, at least set clear boundaries on acceptable behavior. I tell my students that bigotry is never allowed in the workplace and they would simply be fired for making bigoted jokes or comments in most workplaces, and that I do not accept that in my classroom not only to prepare them for that, but also to create a safe space. So for me the bigger issue is the teacher never communicating this to the student but just letting them continue to be bigoted while passive aggressively dealing with the behavior and allowing it to continue in someone else's class. It should have been reported to the principal or dean and there should have been consequences and a call home. My point of view is the teacher needs to set clear boundaries and the student needs to learn to treat others with respect. So from my perspective, the teacher didn't really do their job. But I get that it's hard.

[henrysglock]

you, after namedropping dani and sending (extremely obvious btw) hate anons to her, "we're not starting shit".

no but seriously, she's had both you and aemiron blocked (for a reason!) for months, so tell me why neither of you can respect that boundary? and all of the people supporting the dog piling on her account is freaking weird... all because she doesn't like vecna. (it's not ableist to hate a serial killer, and no, not everyone has to agree with your fan theory and, no, for the millionth time, dani never said he was born evil. which you should know, since you stalk her account like the window peepers in the sims 4 wicked whims 😕.)

also, making memes and bullying someone over having an opinion on a fictional character is mileven behavior. i hope when you're old enough to stop circle jerking over fuck ass stranger things you look back on this moment and cringe LOL.

I don’t know how many times I have to say it (I suppose it won’t matter, because I won’t be believed anyway), but I don’t send anon shit.

ICYMI: I say shit on main with my name attached, because I’m not a coward. I think this is made quite obvious by me…Saying my shit on main.

When I say I didn’t start this? I didn’t start it.

I didn’t talk shit about her until I found out she was talking shit about us. Read that again. Until I found out. Surprise! People let me know when other people are talking shit about me..Because that’s the courteous thing to do.

I didn’t say shit about her not liking Vecna. Hell, I don’t like Vecna. I don’t give a flying fuck if she likes him or not. My beef is with her calling Henry analysts irl rape apologists. I think I’m very much in the right to be a bit prickly in the face of that allegation. Me making a meme is not even close to being on that level of ridiculous and downright cruel.

I don’t appreciate being called a stalker, either. I sit here in my sandbox, I have fun making my analyses, and I mind my own damn business. This situation was made my business, so I minded it. Sue me, I guess? I respect that block every fucking day. I do not care about Dani. I have more important things to worry about…like my analyses.

I’d rather speculate about Henry than deal with this shit! And yet! Here we are. That’s why I made a whole fucking post telling people not to start shit on my behalf.

I never told anyone to say shit. I appreciate being supported, and I’m vocal about that appreciation. That’s not me encouraging dogpiling. That’s me saying “thank you for seeing through this bullshit”. I never told anyone to do anything. Don’t blame that on me.

Riddle me this though: I get shat on because someone else sent anons to Dani. She went off the rails about it, calling my friends and me irl rape apologists, and that’s fine by your (and others’) standards. But I make a meme about the situation, and suddenly I’m cringe/a bully? Suddenly, somehow, I’m the big bad here? 🤔

That math’s not mathing, bud.