#there are times where i think that maybe im demisexual
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it is... something navigating this world being so sure of one part of me, but still being absolutely clueless of another. Like, I have had time to connect with myself and really figure out who I am, that neglecting who I am into feels so much more complex.
I like guys, that’s always been a given, I believe. But then I remember the rare crushes on people who aren’t guys and that’s where I stumble. I feel like an imposter using any of the multi-attraction labels because I have always just defaulted to saying that I’m gay- it’s just been the easiest label to use for myself.
#a nerd's words#needed to get this ramble out there tbh#it's... a whole thing#there are times where i think that maybe im demisexual#but then maybe it's because my whole body and its hormones just kinda mess with my libido a bit too much sometimes#and then breaking it down to the bare minimum of who i am romantically attracted to#it gets so damn confusing#because most of my crushes are guys#but then there's a few outliers and whenever i think back i'm just????#huh????#and of course it shouldn't really matter. i use the label i am most comfortable with#but then there's that small part of me saying that it's not entirely true#however when i try to entertain the thought that perhaps i am into more than one gender a similar part of me tells me i'm an imposter for it#my brain is quite something#and of course i can assure myself one thing: i fucking love my boyfriend
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contrary to my last post...how do you know if you're aromantic, or you just haven't found the mythical and elusive "THE ONE" everyone keeps going on about and promises me I will find?
every time I say i'll never date or find someone I can't stand being around or who will like me, someone always 100% of the time tells me "you have to keep looking! you will find The One™ one day! they're out there! they're real!"
i've wondered if i'm aromatic for my whole life (or at least since I learned that was a thing when I got internet as a teen) but how do you know
I feel like when I see kther aro people out there, they are so sure of themselves! they know how aro they are and aren't questioning it. it's like how I know for sure i'm asexual (being sex repulsed made that one easy lmao) but aromatic seems different and less solid.
generally, I don't care. i'm not looking for a partner and don't generally think I want one. i'm fine alone/without a relationship. it seems like tol much work and trouble. I can't even make and keep friends! why would I date?
but I feel very lonely seeing everyone in my life pair off and I have no one to rely on or lean on. I would love to have a best friend or small group of close friends, but my useless autistic ass can't even do that. but that's another rant lmao.
i always remember when someone told me once that if I want a best friend, I need to date someone. "adults don't have best friends, jnsywas they date and pair off. their partner is their best friend. you can't call another adult you aren't dating your best friends. that's only for kids."
that's so sad and lonely, yet everyone seems to believe or at least follow that dumb logic. it's times like that where I think "maybe it would be nice to have a partner," but I don't know if I just want that close relationship, or actually want a partner.
I don't know if i'm capable of being romantically attracted to someone. I know I want a really close relationship with someone where I can trust and rely on them fully. they're always there for me and I for them. we do everything together and help each other grow and live in this difficult world. but I don't want it to come with that awkward and annoying dating and romance expectation. I don't want to go on awkward first dates and have awkward "are we a thing" stage and then have the possibility of a breakup. (I can't deal with friendhips ending. a breakup would end me lmao)
I used to always say I wanted to be friends with someone first before for a while we date so I can know if I can't stand being stuck with them and them with me for a long period of time. that way I can see if if are compatible first. I think it's weird and irresponsible when people start dating before knowing who someone even is. that's just so weird (and lowkey scary) to me lmao. but I have also learned that people thinks irs wierd if you want to date after being friends because then they think you only became friends to date them and act weird about it even if it's not true. that's not the goal or reason. but no one i've been friends with passed my test anyway lmao
I remember talking about this with one friend a while back and them she suddenly a bit later accuses me of liking her and decided we can't be friends anymore. but she also didn't pass my test and wasn't the type of person I wanted. (I think she was also the person who said the quote above about adults can't have best friends)
i've never actually liked someone. when I was younger, I got aesthetic attraction mixed up with sexual attraction until I learned asexual is a thing and that's me. I also got romantic interest mixed up with admiration a d simply finding a person interesting. also both got mixed up with gender envy hahaha
but I don't even know if I could be in a relationship. I dont feel suited. I'm way too picky to like and trust anyone enough. i'm also a useless little gremlin and no one would ever like ME enough. then there's the barrier of the person would also need to be asexual because I can't deal with their sexual needs at all and would feel bad. i've met/talked to a total of like 5 asexual people in my life. we seem comparatively rare. none of them were for me obviously.
aromantic people as well. seems rare to me. I also know it's a spectrum. there's so many types. I could be somewhere in there. but I don't know if I should say i'm aromantic meaning I don't have an interest at all, or that i'm like demi and waiting for "The One ™" or whatever. where on the spectrum am I????
should I hope I find The One or try not to think about it? I don't want waiting for that mythical person to be my whole personality and life goal like most people do. that's annoying lmao. but I also don't know if i'm cursing myself to be lonely for life because I refuse to open up to the possibility...
I feel like this is some autistic black and white thinking coming in 😅 I know it doesn't matter much, but it drives me crazy whenever I do think about it.....
#usually I don't want anyone and can't stand romance anything#but there's rare times where I think “it would be nice to be cute and gay with someone right now...#whats the truth 🤨🧐#asexual#aromantic#aroace#sexuality#lgbtq#autistic#lee rambles#my phone keeps deciding its aromatic. i bet theres a bunch of typos and bad autocorrect bht i dont wanna fix it im sorry fhdjdjksks#also why cant we normalize that some people may not ever find The One and thats ok?#teach people how to be comfortable alone maybe. stop shaming people who dont want to or have never dated.#stop making me feel broken and like im missing some big important and necessary part of life!!!!#demisexual#i supposed thats a tag i could use#feel free to comment anything and try to convince my brain to accept the free spectrum and not be so b&w
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so I had a conversation while getting prepped for anesthesia yesterday where I got to educate a lesbian nurse about asexuality and it made my heart very warm
I don’t know why?? but when she asked my sexual orientation (it was in patient info) I just said “asexual” (I guess I was nervous about stuff and my brain just did it) and she was like “it doesn’t list that option so I’ll put other but what is that? If it’s okay that I’m asking”
and I was really nervous but figured I had already taken the leap without looking, so I said “well it’s like… so, you have little or no sexual attraction. Like you just don’t have it. Or some people do rarely, like I’ve had it a few times in my whole life.”
I thought about talking about demisexuality but decided to just stick with the larger umbrella for simplicity.
she considered this and asked, “is it kinda like abstinence, like you don’t want to do it?”
And I explained “well anyone can be abstinent. a lot of people figure out they’re ace because they don’t want to do it. Some people are both ace and abstinent, or celibate. Im kinda neutral about it. Like… I like it but I don’t really seek it out or think about it. But you don’t have to be both.”
And she nodded and said, “oh yeah, I was abstinent for a few years once,” like it clicked for her that she had made a choice and she wasn’t ace, and there was a difference.
And I was like “Yeah! anyone can be celibate or abstinent, but, not everyone who is, is ace.”
And I went on to explain a lot of people figure out they’re ace because they don’t have interest in sex, but that that’s not the case for everyone.
And she said “reminds me my daughter told me all about pansexual, which is more about liking person than other aspects.”
And I said “well, that might be more along the lines of panromantic?”
And she asked what I meant, and I said “well like, some people who are ace might still like people that way, like, romantically, but not always?”
And she nodded and said “yeah, that makes sense.”
So feeling encouraged I explained, “like, some people like to split up romantic and sexual attraction. Like some who are ace might still like people romantically, but not always. And if you don’t have romantic attraction and you’re ace, you’d be aro ace — aromantic asexual.”
And she kinda nodded and said “oh, that’s neat.” and then, when I talked a bit about why it can be nerve wracking yo talk about, she said “I don’t get why people get mad about that stuff. Or people think I’m a lesbian because my best friend is. People just are the way they are.”
And we had a little laugh about how ridiculous homophobia is, and then she had to go, but, that exchange really gave me hope. Just… a random person at least fifteen years my senior who heard a word and immediately was open to learning about it.
I have experienced acephobia from people in medicine and I still have no idea why I just volunteered that I’m ace. I didn’t have to. I just blurted it out before my brain caught up with my mouth. But it turned out okay and now an older lesbian nurse knows asexuality exists. (And aromanticism tho we didn’t get as much time to talk about that.)
I do wish I’d maybe worded some stuff differently or been able to go into more detail, tho the time was limited, but… yeah. Warm heart. There is good in this world Mr Frodo etc etc
to clarify as I got asked about it: she did explicitly state she was a lesbian. This is summarized to the best of my ability from memory.
#lgbtqia#queer#asexual#asexuality#ace#aspec#acespec#asexual spectrum#ace spectrum#lgbt#lgbtq#lgbtqia2s+#learning#text post#long text post#good vibes#good feelings#good stuff does happen#text
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Fic Finder
March 15th
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1. Looking for a post 1st seige burial mounds fic on ao3. It was a wip but it's been awhile so may no longer be the case. In it jc only participated in the siege as a cover to get close enough to his brother w/out endangering lotus pier. Since he leads the charge he finds wwx first and when wwx passes out after destroying the seal jc fakes wwx's death and smuggle him back to lotus pier & hides/kinda imprison him. But the longer they're together the more jc realizes a lot of the things he blamed wwx for aren't adding up (seeing through Jin manipulations).
Jc also forgot/didn't know about ayuan so when wwx wakes up he freaks out about where his baby adopted son is, but by the time jc gets back to bm yuan is no where to be found (implied lz had already got him) but jc and wwx think this means yuan is dead. Wwx is very depressed and becomes Jin ling's secret nanny whenever the kid is at lotus pier. In the most recent updates (at the time) a baby xue yang was introduced.
He saw a disguised wwx in a hidden area by lotus pier playing in the water and is basically like 'I'm cute and small too' and plots how to get himself adopted so he can also be pampered like the wealthy kid. I think there were some alternating povs. Might of been a Lan pov too, creating dramatic irony since both yuan and wwx are alive but neither side knows? Was setting up yunmeng bro reconciliation.
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2. I'm looking for a specific fic, it was modern, WWX took LWJ to a concert of post modern, like synth? Chinese music and I think NHS told WWX about it?? It had some good song recs and I'm mainly looking for the the songs- if you guys could help me out? Thank you!!!! @recombinantdna
NOT FOUND! The Quiet Room by trickybonmot (M, 39k, WangXian, Modern AU, 1990s, Goth LWJ, Cellist LWJ, College Student WWX, House Hunting, Dating, Clubbing, San Francisco, Implied/Referenced Past Child Abuse, Mental Health Issues, Academic Disaster Aftermath, Getting Together, Repressed Teen Crushes to Strangers to Lovers, Homelessness, in the form of couch surfing, background NieLan) in which WWX finds LWJ being a DJ in a goth club in the 90s and it talks a lot about music. NHS is totally an enabler.
FOUND! show me a quiver, give me tonight by spookykingdomstarlight (E, 115k, wangxian, lwj/others, communication failure, mutual pining, artists, demisexual wwx, angst w/ happy ending) WY surprised LZ by bringing him to a performance of an artist LZ likes, H i d d e n f r a g r a n c e who plays electronic guqin. The sample songs can be found in the author notes in Chapter 10
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3. hi! im looking for a fic and the only thing i remember from it was wangxian (canon divergence, maybe arranged marriage but im not sure) in maybe caiyi?? sitting down at a noodle place, and there was a thing about how wwx loved the gusu dialect and kept pestering lwj to say something in the dialect, and he knew enough of the dialect to flirt or haggle so when lwj said an endearment term (i think it was something like sweetheart?) he froze and got all panicky about wwx recognising the word because he froze too, but then wwx just asks if he swore?? THANK YOU SO MUCH IF YOU FIND IT ive been combing my bookmarks and history for almost weeks now and im so close to thinking i made it all up
FOUND? Your Hand in Mine by cerbykerby (T, 20k, WangXian, Humor, Comedy, Pining, cursed to hold hands, Light Angst, Sharing a Bed, First Dates, Embarrassment, Fluff, bathing together, wwx is a menace to society, and lwj Suffers A Lot, Canon Compliant)
FOUND? Fentao-laoshi’s Guide to Cut-Sleeve Pleasures by occultings (microcomets) (E, 31k, wangxian, canon divergence, pining while fucking, friends with benefits, first time, cloud recesses study arc, practice kissing, sharing a bed, jealousy, getting together, confessions, happy ending)
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4. For fic finder: I have lost a modern-au fic where Lan Zhan is in the hospital, in a children’s wing, and Wei Wuxian visits a lot/volunteers there. Wei Wuxian has prosthetic legs and he gets a new red pair around the point I lost the fic. I am pretty sure I found the rec through this blog but I can’t find it again TT Help please!
FOUND? 🔒 some things go forward by everythingispoetry (T, 73k, WangXian, Modern AU, Hospitals, Teenage Drama, Slow Burn, Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Happy Ending)
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5. First, thank you for everything that you do ! Your posts and recommendations and "I'm in the mood for" collections have kept my heart and soul busy for years now! I am honestly in awe of all the hard work and time you dedicate to both pages! 🥰
Unfortunately I don't remember much of the summary of the fic I'm searching for, but I wanted to try my luck. 🙈 It was a light modern dom/sub fic where WY accidentally sort of turned LZ into a sub. I think by giving him indirect orders all the time? And nobody noticed until WQ pointed it out? I searched through Ao3 with the light dom/sub tag for ages and then eventually gave up.
Maybe it rings a bell for you? 🙏🤞❤️ @papperlapapp1
FOUND? And They Were Roommates! or The Accidental Domming of Lan Wangji by DizziDreams (E, 21k, wangxian, Dom WWX, Sub LWJ, inexperienced BDSM practices, un-/under- negotiated kink, horny climbing, horny cohabitation, horny on main except by main I mean at a party surrounded by innocent bystanders, Praise Kink, Masturbation, Bondage, Lingerie, Orgasm Delay/Denial, omg they were roommates, Modern, BDSM, debatably a bit of dom drop, Public Masturbation, Edging, Getting Together, WQ has to come in and straighten this shit out)
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6. Okay so looking for a fic where lwj or wwx accidentally summon incubus/succubus wwx or lwj. (I can't remember who was the sex demon or who was the human but it is a wangxian fic)
So, the succubus needs food and it is, unsurprisingly, cum. As in they have to literally eat cum to survive. So the human is followed by this succubus/incubus everywhere they go to including his university.
The human does love feeding the sex demon and even lets him feed in the uni bathroom during breaks.
Does a fic like this exist? Does it ring any bell?
FOUND? An Array of Good Decisions by celerydragon (E, 11k, WangXian, Demon Sex Size Kink, Size Difference, Consensual Non-Consent, dubcon, Tongue Sex, Omegaverse, Humiliation, Mild Breeding Kink)
FOUND? Lan Wangji's Fullproof Guide on How (NOT) to Summon a Demon by fardimensions (E, 3k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Porn With Plot, but not a lot of plot, Incubus WWX, Demons, wwx has a tail, Wings, Interspecies Sex, Bottom LWJ/Top WWX, Anal Sex, Crack, Filthy, size queen LWJ)
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7. for the fic finder: it's a fic (dom/sub canon au?) where wei wuxian gave lan wangji a collar before he died. lan wangji keeps the collar for as long as he can but eventually the leather is too old and it breaks. there's a bunch of sadness but all is well when wei wuxian resurrects.
thank you for all you do!!
FOUND? Breathe Again by Sheehan_sidhe (E, 4k, wangxian, Grief/Mourning, Depression, Breathplay, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, POV LWJ, LWJ Has Feelings, Submissive LWJ, Crying LWJ, Grieving LWJ, Collars, Angst with an Eventual Happy Ending)
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8. for fic finder: my heart tells me it was a modern/modern with cultivation au, but my searches have been fruitless. i just remember our beloved wangxian dancing around each other, and the juniors being there with a similar problem. specifically, jin ling being tested at archery, and sizhui Totally Only There For Emotional Support And No Other Reason.
FOUND? with you, I am home by tellthemstories (M, 47k, wangxian, Modern Cultivation, fake dating for reasons, Meeting the Family, There Was Only One Bed, Casual Domesticity, wwx is oblivious in more ways than one, 'this fic is like emotional edging', this comment sums up the entire fic)
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9. heyI've been looking for a fic for a while.WWX and LWJ were in the turtle's cave of slaughter... they had no energy to fight and decided to do double cultivation.
When it comes to the part where WWX donates the golden core to JC.... during the surgery, WQ discovers WWX is pregnant, the double cultivation generated a uterus.
He is still captured by the Wen clan and thrown into the grave hill.He believes he lost the baby because of this and uses his resentful energy to survive and get revenge.
When he reaches the part at the end of the campaign where the sun falls, he goes into labor without knowing that he is still pregnant.
It's not Omegaverse.
Sorry if my writing is bad, english is not my first language @crazy-tai
FOUND? Impermanence, Transience, Permanence by Best Bepsy (BepsyGray) (E, 39k, wangxian, canon divergence, unplanned pregnancy, mpreg, gore, sunshot campaign, assumed miscarriage, medical procedures, childbirth, golden core reveal)
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10. Hello! I was wondering if anyone here knew of a fic that took place during the Wen Indoctrination? If I remember right, it was only one chapter, set mostly in the Untamed universe because Wei Wuxian and Wen Ning had worked together to make it seem like he was dead for the Wens after being locked in with that dog, but he was grabbed too early and basically paraded in front of the other disciples under the belief that he was dead. If anyone else has seen this fic, I'd be extremely grateful!
FOUND!🔒💖 the universe would turn to a mighty stranger by RavenclawLoki (T, 11k, wangxian, Angst, Eventual Fluff, Some mentions of blood, it looks like someone is dead but!!, it is okay, everything is going to be okay i promise, First Kiss, Canon Divergence, Wwx and lwj know they're in love, They just don't know the other loves them back, Everyone Lives AU, Hurt WWX, Hurt LWJ)
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11. For your next fic finder, I'm looking for a modern wangxian dating reality tv au. It's omegaverse and in the first half of the show, everyone is paired up, but in the second half of the show, it's wilderness survival with the alphas trying to catch the omegas. Wwx is a career omega who is trying to get a cash prize instead of an alpha. @leahlisabeth
FOUND? 🧡 shoot your shot – hot or knot by defractum (nyargles) (E, 51k, WangXian, Modern AU, A/B/O Dynamics, Reality Show, Hunger Games Setting, Canon-Typical Violence, Extremely Dubious Consent, Getting Together, Happy Ending, Humor, Additional Warnings In Author’s Notes)
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12. Guys I need help finding this story. So it’s about Wei ying being hit by this memory yao. And he is in pain. So lan zhan, lan yuan, lan qiren, lan huan, Jin rulan, and jiang cheng. They use this spell to take Wei ying bad memories. They hold onto this bad memories because they don’t want Wei ying to go through all of that and remember. Ofc they are traumatized but they love him, etc. sooo please if you know the name write in comments. I have been looking for it for DAYS @zodime101
FOUND? Window of the Waking Mind by mrcformoso (M, 8k, wangxian, LSZ & WWX, JC & WWX, Graphic depictions of violence, Major Character Death, Heavy Angst with a Happy Ending, Sad with a Happy Ending, Post-Canon, Torture, Golden Core Transfer, WWX Has Self-Esteem Issues, Hurt WWX, WWX Needs a Hug, WWX Needs a Break, Flashbacks, Curses, Night Hunts, Suicide, Starvation, Canonical Child Abuse, Canonical Character Death, Cannibalism, Although it was forced by the situation to survive, Healing, Hurt/Comfort, lots of comfort, Soft LQR, Learning To Communicate, Zidian Spiritual Tool, JC Tries, Reaction)
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13. hi! for the next fic finder — it was sizhui centered! him being raised by lwj but also wwx, but wwx is a ghost. and wwx has no recollection of his death and there was this one scene where he curls up around ayuans body and falls asleep and he wakes in the cloud recesses and i think he thinks he's being ignored? and then there was the whole realizing he was a ghost thing. and also lwj burying his body at the bm. pls help me T^T its Not "the dark doesnt frighten me, its mine" btw!
NOT FOUND! the moon, grown full by Deinde (T, 22k, LSZ & WWX, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Spirits, Identity Reveal, discussion of war crimes, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Grief/Mourning, Hopeful Ending, Homecoming, reclaiming your name and identity, Names, Families of Choice)
FOUND! The Intervening Years by rosemu (G, 11k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, LSZ centric, Parent-Child Relationship, Wangxian is background, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort)
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14. Hi! For fic finder: I am looking for a canon-era fic where cultivators have golden blood and regular people have red blood. When Wei Wuxian loses his core his blood fades to red, which means he has to work harder to hide his wounds or they will give away his core-less state. I particularly remember the scene where Jiang Cheng stabs him in their “mock” fight WWX hides his wound with a cloak. He takes to covering up his body fully from head to toe to avoid showing any scrapes. Then after he is revived and Jiang Cheng whips him he purposefully shows the red blood to “prove” he isn’t WWX, then I think the core reveal happens when Jin Ling stabs him and everyone knows its him and they see the red blood too. Thank you!!
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15. I need help finding a fic, I didn’t get too far into it but I really want to finish it. I think it was a longer fic and I think it’s well known and/or already in a comp or itmf answer. I i remember is that the summary put wwx as a temporary head of the Jiang Clan, from the first few chapters I think he’s tricked/strong armed into this position by JC. He had some Buisness at koi tower or a conference that would take a while so he needed a filler and wanted WWX. I think it’s post-cannon and it had someone insulting WWX in the summary and something along the lines of a statement of spite and a declaration to prove said person wrong.
This is likely a terrible description but it’s all I have. I know I got the og link from this site so someone should recognize it… Help would be greatly appreciated.
FOUND? Twelve Moons and a Fortnight by stiltonbasket (M, 290k, WangXian, Humor, Slow Burn, Post-Canon Fix-It, Long-Distance Relationship, Epistolary, Love Letters, Family Feels, a-qing lives, teenage romance, Adoption, Romantic Comedy, Happy Ending, Weddings, Case Fic, Parenthood, Politics)
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16. Hello! For the next fic finder I have two fics:
A) the only thing I remember about this fic is that it deals with the "do not speak with Wei Ying" rule. Lan Wangji was really angry when he found out and was about to go yell at his uncle, but Wei Wuxian kept trying to stop him. I remember Wwx threw himself into a pond or down a hill or something to snap Lwj out of it? I don't remember anything else about the fic unfortunately.
B) vampire au where Wwx was a vampire and the lans hunted the supernatural I think? Wangxian had to work together to stop some evil thing. I remember Wwx's backstory was something like: Wen Chao captured him and locked him in a room with a vampire, thinking it would result in Wwx dying (cultivators couldn't be turned into vampires, they would just die). But Wwx had given up his core so he got turned and Wen Chao locked him in a house with Wen Ning. There was a fire and Wwx turned Wen Ning to save his life. I also remember a scene where Wwx tried to go into Cloud Recesses, but the wards wouldn't let him. He thought this meant Lwj wanted nothing to do with him, but it was just Lan Xichen updating the wards or something.
Thank you!
16A)
FOUND?🔒Scenes From Three Winters by LtLJ (G, 12k, wangxian, post-canon, romance, family feels, family issues, family drama, PTSD, body horror, bad parent LQR, happy ending) Wei Ying throwing himself in a pond and down a hill to snap LWJ out of anger at his uncle sounds a lot like what happens at the end of Scenes from Three Winters by LtLJ but it's not specifically the 'do not speak to Wei Ying' rule that's the problem (will probably need to read other fics in the series for context)
16B)
FOUND?🔒hear the monsters calling home by sundiscus (M, 8k, wangxian, Modern Cultivation, Vampires, Misunderstandings, Angst with a Happy Ending, blood drinking (romantic))
FOUND? And you must keep your soul/ Like a secret in your throat by athena_crikey (E, 48k, WangXian, Modern with Magic, Vampire WWX, Cultivator LWJ, Case Fic, h/c Angst, Falling In Love, First Time, Reference to Torture)
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17. Hi!! for the next fic finder, I was hoping of you guys could help me find a fic where it takes place in post canon: lwj cultivates to immortality even though he didn’t want to be and wwx tried hard to catch up to him but later on passes away bc he was never able to. Lwj was so devastated and during wwx’s funeral, jc came to pay respects and lwj found out that jc has also become an immortal. lwj says something along the lines of “how dare you cultivate to immortality with his core?” it might be a reincarnation fic but that’s about all i can remember from it. Thank you so much! @makkachiin
FOUND!🔒Closer Than Eternity by Netrixie (T, 26k, WangXian, Modern AU, Reincarnation, an unhealthy addiction to starbucks, Immortals, Self-Doubt, POV Alternating, Minor Original Character(s), Canon Compliant, Post-Canon, Temporary Character Death, Angst with a Happy Ending, not for jc fans, This is not a reconciliation fic) The scene at WY's funeral is in Chapter 3.
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18. Hi! I hope my request will be clear, since English is not my first language, so I apologize in advance. I really want to read it, but I can't find a fic in which Lan Sizhui dies on a night hunt, saving the distracted Lan Zhan and Wei Ying. I don't remember many details, but I remember how the grief of A-Yuan's family and friends was described, and then A-Yuan was reborn. The fic was on ao3. @amelliss
FOUND? Setting Of The Sun by heartsdesire456 (M, 8k, WangXian , Character Death, Or Is It?, Grief/Mourning, Child Loss, Heavy Angst) i don't think it's reincarnation but this sounds similar to
FOUND? Our Son Reborn by RenaFair (T, 103k, WangXian, Mpreg, Deities, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Slow Build, There's smut, Rollercoaster of Emotions, baby a-yuan)
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19. hi, I’m look for a fic from ao3, I can’t really remember the plot but the end was wwx absorbing the tiger seal and in the process made a SILVER core. It happened in the burial mound (I think after the seal was stolen in Lanling but that might be a different fic)the timeline was before wwx’s first death because wen Qing was still alive @teasong
FOUND? ❤️ kick at the darkness 'til it bleeds daylight by AlfAlfAlfAlfAlf, tardigradeschool (T, 75k, WangXian, Hurt/Comfort, Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Eventual Happy Ending, Getting Together, Burial Mounds Settlement Days, Inspired by The Parent Trap (1998), Kid Fic, teen shenanigans, two a-yuans, Fluff and Angst)
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20. Hello! I am looking for Wangxian fanfiction where Wei Ying and Lan Zhan are lovers before Demonic cultivation and Wei Ying hurt Lan Zhan as in canon later the reunite after 13 years or something like that @abz18699-blog
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do you have any tips on distinguishing between wanting to bang/wanting to be wanted by/wanting non-sexual intimacy with someone? or is it just a case of seeing how you feel when you're actually with them and getting good at communicating about it
im probably not the best person to ask, because it took me uhh decades of fucking random people before i let myself acknowledge that sex is nearly always extremely boring to me and the only thing i'm thinking about during sex or in the lead up to sex is what i imagine the other person might be feeling about me.
every now and then a raw animal chemical attraction happens where i just feel like i NEED the person in me, i love how they smell and taste and i will risk it all to get them to bust inside me and i want them around me afterward.
but the rest of the time its this completely intellectual fantasy. instead of getting all wrapped up in the sex, or the person, all i care about is what i can convince myself it means. thoughts like this:
"oh this person is hot, it's very validating of my desirability that someone this hot wants me"
"oh that guy came very fast, how flattering that he was so turned on"
"i cant see his face in this position but i imagine that he's staring at me hungrily, that's flattering"
"wow i got someone from grindr to come over within ten minutes, im so good at sealing the deal"
"wow i cant believe i fucked eight people at this convention, how cool so many people want me"
"i've never tried this sex act before, i guess i might as well. maybe itll be useful for my writing. maybe ill like it."
thats the kind of shit that is normally playing around in my mind. when im actually attracted to someone i dont have to come up with some weird intellectual justification for why fucking is interesting or rewarding or reflective of me in a positive way. i just NEED it.
the self help guru mark manson (who is a little corny, but not bad) has this age old advice that "either something is a FUCK YES! or it's a no." and i think for some people, especially people who tend to try and persuade/guilt themselves into wanting things they dont actually want, that is a worthwhile reorientation. if i actually want someone its pretty damn unambiguous. if i have to even ask myself or sort out the true nature of my feelings, im bullshitting myself.
granted this advice wont be best for demisexuals, or for lots of other people. sometimes experimenting and trying new things sexually is great! its just. ive been doing that for a long time. i have been a very open minded, open to experience individual. and now im interested in being picky for a while
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I dont know if anyone is ready for this but these are my "Problems in We Are" post:
Disclaimer: if you have been on my blog or know me at all, you know that i love this series with my whole heart. But that being said, im nothing if not fair, and in all fairness, this series had its flaws. Less than most, but still there, these flaws do need to be addressed. My love for the series does not decrease, nor does it for the actors, characters, plots and settings.
QToey: Stagnancy that was Very Fixable.
I don't think many would disagree with me on the fact that Q and Toey's relationship became stagnant after the confession. Their moments could only be seen as Cute and their dynamic was definitely not explored any more. Another thing everyone would agree on is that we would have loved to see the ase/demisexual representation in these two characters. Had this been done, just one conversation around it, the whole plot and mood could have been shifted to a much more positive and progressive impact. Yeah the whole conversation would be a "difficult" one but Satang and Winny could have handled it.
The Lack of Focus on ChainPun
Look, I get it. There's a heirarchy of importance and ChainPun were definitely on a lower rung than the rest. I also am not against them getting together in the last minute of the last episode. But there were definitely times where there could have been a flashback scene for them, like all the others got. The only reason their relationship didnt become a background/2D narrative was because of Marc and Poon being brilliant actors. Had their efforts to make Chain and Pun important not made through the screen, there would be very little cheer for them and certainly no impact.
The First Few Episodes
Till the 5th episode, the direction and cinematography of this show was choppy as fuck. There were stills of absolutely irrelevant objects, sceneries or characters (in the moment) that could've been fixed with just a little bit of finesse in editing. It was fixed in the episodes that aired 5th and onwards, but it did almost make me drop the series (i get slightly OCD about these things)
Yet Another Almost Useless Female Character
Look me in the eyes and tell me that my girl Fai didnt deserve more. In the first couple of episodes she is shown to be integral to the group, a core member and close friend. And then poof she goes, only to appear when it is convenient to the plot. Yes we did have Aunt Pui as a prominent female character, but her role was that of a Guardian that is there in ever series, while the same series disposes every other female in it. Fai could have been given a role in the group, including the trips and outtings, and i shall die on that hill if i must.
Lastly, and surprisingly, the Way they handled Phum's parents
Till the last episode, i was big on Peem only encouraging reconciliation as he hoped for Phum to receive the love that he had himself received from his own parents. And yes, that does remain. But they could have gone without making Phum accept his father, or his father being this sweet guy who is "trying". Phum's dad is not sweet, he is not trying, he is not worthy of Phum or Fang's forgiveness. Though it was only implied and signifies just healing, i wish that the family dinner could've just meant Phum, Fang, Peem, Tan and maybe their brother, with if any, his partner, and a small intro of Peem to Phum's mom. But we shall work with what we have Ao3 and Fix Its.
With that, I end my saga and shall return to random thoughts as and when I have them and maybe a new chapter every now and then to the relic of a fic i have that no one reads lmao.
Thank you for reading and please do add on/leave your opinionss
#we are the series#we are#gmmtv#phumpeem#tanfang#qtoey#chainpun#thai bl#we are series#we are criticism#kriti criticism#i do love them all to bits and pieces#but faults exist#and need to be addressed
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death note headcanons
because i know my death note mutuals aren’t getting what they wanted from me
light
-can crack his elbows the way one would crack their knuckles
-probably had to do a musical elective in his first year of middle school and chose guitar cause he thought it would be easy but it wasn’t.
-the type of song he really enjoys is very specific. going to hell yet i tried so so hard to please god song. i missed my only chance song. why wasn’t i like the other kids song. thrones playlist. i could elaborate but i won’t
-as for sexuality, i see him as not wanting to put a label on whatever he is in theory but in practice being some type of bispec (probably berriromantic) for romantic attraction and then somewhere on the asexual spectrum for sexual attraction.
-as for gender i see him as agender whose not really in labeling himself as anything when it comes to sexuality and gender.
-agender but probably 100% fine with being super male presenting. he just wants to keep out of gender as a convo and that’s great. good for him
-no!!!!! i refuse to say this mf is aromantic (because it’s not accurate and it’d be an insult to aromantic people to say he’s aro)!!!!!
-just because he manipulated misa and kiyomi into doing his bidding and didn’t love them doesn’t immediately make him aro. i’m sure he could have found someone if he wanted to, and he could have loved them if he was with them to love them, but he wasn’t with them to love them he was with them to use them.
misa
-half belgian half japanese. her parents met in belgium while her father was on vacation.
-also im torn bcos i wanna write an au where misa is mexican and that’s it everything else is the same as canon but i’m pretty sure that’s just me wanting her to be even more Like Me (tm)
-speaks a little bit of english, way more french, and obvi japanese. finds linguistics interesting but doesn’t have enough time to research it that thoroughly
-likes being short and “small” small girl aesthetic i guess but sometimes wishes she had longer legs so she could wear skirts w/o looking silly and short
-panromantic does not see gender at all when becoming attracted to someone. i see her as def on the ace spectrum, maybe something like demisexual or aegosexual. could be me projecting dunno.
-she’s probably dated both girls and boys before
-would NOT break up with someone in a rude way or just dump them. she’d put a lot of effort into an apology and explanation into why.
-if she met miu iruma they’d be best friends. sorry i bring danganronpa into everything guys
-can we please just appeciate mexican misa for a second. she’s cooking sopa de fideo for the task and being the bilingual hot girl we all needed
-mexican misa
-as for her music taste she probably listens to upbeat english language music and sappy love songs. “there is a light that never goes out” and “melt with you” sound like go-tos for her sorry. i could also see her being a bimbo pop ayesha + britney manson girlie though
-tbh whatever your race/ethnicity is you could project it onto misa and it’d work. i love it. anyway d d d d d d d did i say m m m mexican misa
-i think she’d love love love getting her hair done!!! sensitive scalp mf but she’d still love getting her hair done
-mexican misa visiting mexico and getting braids and cute clothes and her fave candy
-was not a theatre kid. sorry guys but her middle and high school didn’t offer theatre 😔😔
lawliet
-chronically dehydrated just because he forgets to drink water. he tries to drink water and always gets afraid of developing kidney / liver problems but he just keeps forgetting. what the fuck L
-soup stan i think he’d love some good soup. soup stan x soup cooker (lawmane)
-i think you could have a really deep convo about anything with L. if you’re passionate about anything he’ll just listen and he’ll talk to you about what he’s passionate about to. he loves to think and would def entertain you with a convo about whether a hot dog is a sandwich or something dumb like that you know.
-he’s a thinker he just loves discussions
-has a british accent when speaking english bcos watari and lived in england you know. he thinks british accents in english sound good tho and LOVES making fun of how silly new york accents are (me too bro. me too)
-if he went to middle school or the japanese/british equivalent of it, he’d def be the type to choose some weird ass elective fucking creative writing instead of the “normal” guitar, choir, band, orchestra and shit
#death note#death note headcanons#light yagami#l lawliet#misa amane#yagami light#amane misa#l death note
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Question: Am I asexual?
Answer:
Im 17 years old and just (6 months ago) got out of my first relationship. The first time I was kissed too (maybe I’m late to that game I don’t really care though). The first time I kissed someone I thought “how many seconds do I have to kiss someone before pulling away seems normal and not rude because this is off, I don’t know what to do”.
I conducted some research(VERY research oriented person), and now that I’ve thought about it I can’t think of a single person I’d actually want to have sex with. Like go down on me. I thought I was pansexual but now I’m worried I’m just a straight asexual person (17 F). Because someone I know is bi and she said she was really into tits but I’m not into tits is that because I’m straight or because I’m ace???
Everyone, since I was 12, has thought I was gay. I grow up in a very queer welcoming community so it’s not condemned like in many other communities but, for example: my sister once told me that she would be very sad (I was 14) if I turned out to be bi because she wanted me to be a lesbian. Most people ask me for my pronouns, because I’m a girl with short hair (can’t be tied up) and wear man’s clothes, and I run in circles where EVERYONE is gay.
Am I Demisexual and I just haven’t found someone yet? Because I think people are pretty and even hot, but I’ve never seen ANYONE and thought “oh I’d like them to go down on me”. And I’m worried that I’ve misled everyone for years and am basically going to have to come out as straight because I like girls, but I only want to cuddle with them and be domestic, same goes with guys and everyone really.
Help, if you can, with what you think, or what I could read/watch/listen to in order to figure it out. I just feel like everyone around me knows what they are, and I still don’t.
#gay#pride month#lgbtq#lgbtqia#lgbtq community#queer#pansexual#panromantic#asexual#aroace#queer pride#pride#demisexual#straight#send help#queer community#tumblr polls#random polls#exsistential crisis#I don’t know and at this point I need help
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Hi, im very sorry if this has already been answered or established somewhere else but im curious, with your Kazumaji stuff, around what time did they start dating (i.e. after the events of Yakuza 0 and all that) and how?
tbh, I dunno!
I don't really have an established date for that cuz sometimes I'm like man they'd be really cute during y0 and then other times I set it between post y0 and the beginning of y1. The latest they would start me thinks is some months after the events of y1 but in general it sorta depends on how I'm feeling and what silly scenarios play in my head
ideas under the cut tho 👀
if we're talking y0: I like to think Kiryu has to go to Sotenbori for some reason, be it business or he's there with Nishiki for some partying. he sees Majima at the Grand being depressed and is like "damn girl those bags under your eyes makes my dick go *boing sound effect*" and asks him out 🥺 Kiryu gets rejected immediately cuz Majima's in this cycle of 'I deserve nothing but pain and suffering' but Kiryu can't read the room so he is persistently showing up at the Grand despite Majima very obviously wanting to kick his ass. eventually he relents and goes on cute™ dates with Kiryu and realizes oof maybe human intimacy be kinda gucci
if between y0 and y1: Majima's fresh in his mad dog era starting shit with people just to be annoying and Kiryu's one of his targets mainly due to the events of y0. he's kinda like "lol this goober really did some important plot stuff, huh?" and his curiosity gets the better of him because Kiryu is an enigma who eats bugs and Majima cannot suppress his need to get some sense of understanding on this weirdo. in this timeline, it's more one-sided affection from Majima that comes in the form of stabbing while Kiryu is desperately trying to fight the gay allegations and failing. eventually he caves but it's a sorta unofficial, on and off thing that Kiryu doesn't really know how to evaluate for himself. Majima doesn't really care what they are since he's high on life atm and has a cute dude with big boobs on his arm
if during y1: literally just everything Majima Everywhere. Goromi. GOROMI 😩💦 Kiryu is all: I LIKE PUSSY but everyone's like okay big man then why's Majima pole dancing for you huh. the two braincells he has start to click and he realizes maybe Majima wants to hold hands or something unthinkable like that. ngl I like to think Kiryu's thing for Yumi is like a demisexual bi thing where he's like, I do love her but she don't zap my brain quite like the bowlcut freak who knows how to punch me real good and it becomes sorta his personal introspective journey during this time. Majima is also floating in the space of am I doing this for his benefit cuz "training" or am I falling for this dork. he's pretty sad about it cuz of the Saejima reminder vibes but eventually Kiryu falls into his own person that Majima really meshes with and the two of them struggle to actually voice how they feel all the while their pants are down in some dirty alley
if after y1: (going to insert shit from a fic I'm working on) Kiryu's absolutely devastated with what happened in the Millennium Tower + now having to take care of Haruka that he's shut himself off from everyone and everything other than doing the bare minimum to live. in comes Majima being a menace like yo you can't like, let a child parent herself you gotta get outta this slump and Kiryu's all fuck you stop breaking into my house. so it's a long pain in the ass process to help Kiryu deal with his grief while Majima keeps unintentionally making googoo eyes at him and both of them are like boy I sure hope this doesn't awaken anything within me. there's also a lotta dadjima stuff going on and Kiryu's like wowie zowie so you do have a heart and Majima's like no way loser while being just 😳👉👈
#apologies for the way I write sometimes I like to put out total garble because it makes my heart go thumpa thump#god I love them I LOVE THEM#THEY UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER ON A LEVEL BEYOND THAT OF FLESH AND BLOOD AND IT HURTS KNOWING THEY DO#THAT THEY BOTH SUFFER AND THEY FEEL THAT IT'S BEST TO BE ALONE RATHER THAN BRING SOMEONE ELSE ON THE RIDE#BUT THAT RIDE BRINGS THEM BOTH TO THE SAME DESTINATION THAT THEY ARE BOTH BROKEN MEN HAUNTED BY THINGS THEY DID—THINGS THEY COULD HAVE DONE#BUT MAYBE THERE'S HOPE IN HAVING SOMEONE TO LIVE FOR—SOMEONE WHO UNDERSTANDS THE STRUGGLE OF REDEMPTION DESPITE ONE'S NATURE#TO LIFT EACH OTHER FROM THE DEPTHS OF SELF LOATHING BECAUSE THEY CAN DO BETTER#then I'm tranquilized and shoved back into my cage for relocation#kazumaji#kiryu kazuma#majima goro#my hcs
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In all honesty i don’t not. And mean DO NOT want buck and Eddie to get together this season. Like I need buck to just go through his own little story line with coming into himself and being more confident and comfortable In himself.
And that means Eddie also have figure himself out and what he actually wants too and I don’t think it’s gonna fit in this Season.
It’ll be rushed and I don’t want rushed I want them to take their time developing Buck and Eddie’s relationship; i want to see where Buck and Tommy’s relationship goes too!
I want to see what Buck learns from it.
I don’t want to see Eddie instantly jealous, I want him to oblivious to the fact that Buck and Tommy are a thing until Buck explicitly tells him.
And when does find out I want him to supportive and it can be awkwardly or him just being like..
“That doesn’t mean I think less of you, you’re my best friend and I don’t care because you’re important too me” and “I love you buck no matter ” (but he saying it platonically for right now, but ion think y’all hearing me rn!?!?)
And bucks like Eddie you don’t even know how much I needed to hear that rn like. The man could honestly burst into tears. Because honestly yeah he does need a little more reassurance from his best friend about his place in his life, He need hear Eddie say…
“Buck- no Evan you’re irreplaceable you’re My Best friend my partner there’s no one like you and no one can ever have your place In myself. You’re different”… and buck is speechless
( this all eddie ‘platonically’ speaking)
And towards end of the season like the last episode I want eddie to think back on his words and be like buck is different..
And then in season 8 Eddie is now figuring himself out and also being like damn
“ our shit goes a little bit beyond friendship and partnership.. I might maybe just Maybe be in love with my bestie/partner”
“And oh god im queer” 😧
But he’s not gay or bisexual i think it would make sense for Eddie to be demisexual.
Like I feel like Eddie needs and wants to have a connection with someone and he needs it to be special with someone..
Like does this makes sense?
And also it’s because we waited for so long for either of them to actually canonically be queer, And we finally have it and what’s the point of rushing the ship we know is end game. When we can see how it plays out slowly, I’ve waited a long time and don’t mind waiting till season 8 if that means getting what I want.
Do ya hear what I’m saying?
#buddie#like it’s no need to rush them#and honestly I wanna see Tommy some more#eddie diaz#911 fox#evan buck buckely#911 show#911 spoilers#abc 911#911 abc#911 on abc#911onfox#tommy kinard
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So I was born Intersex and I want to share with everyone how painful this shit can be, cause usually people are like 'ohhh thats so cool!' NO ITS NOT /lh. this shit is DOOKIE ASS
(also cw for talking about genitals, vaginal fluids / blood and sex EWWWW minors please avoid interracting!!!)
FIRST OF ALL let me tell you about how annoying it is that I was technically almost born the sex I wanted to be, but when the doctors saw that my junk looked all funky they said 'thats not right, lets pump them with the hormone their genitals look most similar to!" and then picked WRONG ONE
Second, and the whole reason I'm writing this post, is about how my menstral cycles are SO FRIGGIN PAINFUL because I don't produce proper mucus down there, so it gets dry and the blood dries up so it just HURTs. and THEN I get UTIs SUPER EASY from literally NOTHING. One time I used the bathroom out somewhere, but there wasn't any toilet paper and it was a single bathroom, so I hadda wait till I got home, but by the time I got home (maybe after like 2-3 hours) I GOT A FRIGGIN UTI.
I also just wanna clarify: my UTIs can span from 'just a stinging pain that go away if I just take pain killers, shower and wait it out' all the way to 'sitting in the bathroom till 5 in the morning crying because theres nothing I can do but wait till I go to the doctors tomorrow and hope I pass out from the pain' and so..
sex isn't any easier either!!! because of my hormones n vag are so wonky, I don't usually enjoy the devils tango (im demisexual), but even when I do, IT ALWAYS HURTS AFTER. and god forbid I dont pee after sex, I will get a HORRIBLE UTI that can last me for WEEKS and then I'll have to go to the doctors, get a medication to get rid of it, and suffer in bed
let me just say its not just me that gets problems with their junk. I've heard stories of peoples ovaries WRAP AROUND THEIR BALLS because they were intersex or even stories where the doctors would CUT OPEN the vagina so it works like a typical one
DGMW im not saying being intersex is a bad thing and there shouldn't be pride, in fact I really appreciate intersex pride and the community it has, plus not everyone has this experience, but I just think its funny that people think its cool, when all my life I always thought of it as REALLY inconvenient
anyways that mah rant fo todayy
#intersex#intersex pride#trans nsft#queer nsft#nsft#minors dni#minors do not interact#not safe for tumblr#only marking this nsft because it discusses s33x and stuff#18+ mdni#mdni
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god i fucking love hankcon. idk if it's just cuz im a demisexual bitch or what but just, these two men finding comfort in each other after all they went thru just fucking gets me, one learning to live after being convinced he wasn't a real thinking person and was just made to be a tool and one learning to live again after losing his son, the person he loved most in his whole life, and basically doing everything he cod to not feel anything ever again because it was all too painful, until now. connor helping hank by just this new person and experiencing all the little things of the world and having hank see the beauty in them too for the first time in so long, and hank helping connor by being a rock he can rely on—maybe hank isn't the most stable of people, but connor values what he says and believes. and (and this is where my demi ass comes in lmao) then they fall in love because they make each other better people and 😭❤️❤️ I DUNNO I JUST LOVE THEM
i mean even just them being super interdependent friends after the revolution is just fucking great, just them being intertwined in a way where they're stuck together because of their experiences during the revolution is great lmao
idk. anyways. i love them. they love each other. okay bye
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for the choose violence ask game:
1, 3, 8, 10, 12, 18, 22
answer whichever ones you want, i'm really curious about your dead boy detective and fantasy high hot takes are lol 🫶🏼
i know you said fantasy high/dead boy detectives but unfortunately most of my fandom takes have to do with comics so here we go.
the character everyone gets wrong.
kristen for sure. a lot of people paint her as this silly, irresponsible person who doesn't care about the consequences of her actions, but that's so derivative. she was raised in a restrictive, bigoted cult and it informs how she acts!! she's a teenager learning how to make her own choices after spending her entire life in an environment where thinking for yourself was actively discouraged, if not outright punished, so of course she's going to be messy.
3. worst fandom take i've seen.
hoo boy.... when you're a comics fan you've seen some abysmal takes. gotta be the takes surrounding how bruce is a coward for not wanting to kill people. yes, even the joker. is he flawed? yeah, but not wanting to permanently end a life is not one of those flaws. full stop.
8. common fandom opinion that everyone is wrong about.
honestly anything to do with tim drake and to an extent all of the bat siblings. theres a reason why i stopped engaging with the batfandom on a larger scale and that's because it has a tendency to sand down any interesting character traits in order to fit them into a nuclear family-esque dynamic. i really don't see tim and jason ever being that close, and i think they don't really see each other as siblings. also, dick was tim's robin, not jason.
10. worst part of fanon.
i'm going with comics again because it's insane how many people not only don't read the source material but actively brag about it. i think if you are going to call yourself a comics fan, then you need to read comics. otherwise you're a fucking poser. also i hate the damage xfi did to shatterstar as a character. peter david turned him into a slutty bi stereotype when in x force 1991 he literally has a panic attack the first time he gets a boner and is very specific about the people he trusts. that's not someone who would be sleeping around a lot, and yet so many people buy into that version of him and write him like that in fics. demisexual shatterstar ftw.
12. unpopular character that i actually really like.
hmm, not quite unpopular so much as niche but amadeus cho. he's such an interesting character and he deserves more love. he's a fun little anarchist and he hates the avengers and is wracked by guilt over his family dying because shield decided that a thirteen year old genius was a threat to national security and bombed his house. really interesting guy.
18. absolutely criminal that the fandom has been sleeping on...
charles and his trauma. maybe it's the aro in me but sooo many people seem only focused on charles in so much as him being in love with edwin back and im like... he has character traits outside of that.
22. my favorite part of canon that everyone else ignores
EVERYONE GO READ X FORCE 1991. rictor and shatterstar my underrated x men beloveds...
🔥choose violence ask game🔥
#soda speaks#asked and answered#marvel#x men#d20#fh#dbda#dead boy detectives#dc#batfam#kristen applebees#amadeus cho#rictor#julio richter#shatterstar#ricstar#tim drake#ask game#charles rowland
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I wonder if any other aspec has the same thoughts of me - basically, seeing a label, seeing that it fits with their experiences, but also being apprehensive to use it; because it fits but it still feels alien to use or possibly their simply scared to use it. Like me.
So for some background, I am in my late twenties (cis woman, she/her) and discovered that I was asexual in my mid twenties, and then discovered that I also was on the aromantic spectrum too a like two years ago. *For the most part I know my identity - Greyaro ace with sensual/aesthetic/alterous attraction and a desire for a QPR. And these labels fit me very well so I am comfortable with those. The reason I discovered this revelation so late was because at 16 I had a crush on a girl and since that queer experience I have gone back and forth on what labels I am. At the time my knowledge of orientations were limited to gay, straight, and bisexual. So, bc I also liked boys, I went back and forth on being bi or being straight to just (once the crush passed) seeing it as a 'fluke' and continuing to think I was straight. Teen Me: Well I don't want to have sex with her so clearly whatever these feelings are, are just confusion.
(And of course because of heteroallonormativity I never once questioned if I wanted to have sex with boys (I didn't it didn't even cross my mind) I just assumed I did. Mind you I don't have ANY romance/sexual experience so a lot of my thoughts are hypothetical at that time and couldn't be tested out. By couldn't I mean no on in my school wanted to touch me with a ten foot pool so ya know it wasn't gonna happen lol)
But even after leaving high school the crush always was at the back of my mind and I kept searching until I found my answer, which took a literal decade but I got there! It was even harder when I barely had crushes as I got older. I experimented with labels, i.e I went by aroflux for a bit but that never sounded right in my mouth; I thought I was demisexual but that wasn't correct. So labels do help me and I do view them as important while also believing that I don't need to use EVERY label and or going unlabeled is an option. However, because I'm greyaro I still feel romantic attraction and due to that I feel like I need another label (if I choose to communicate it out loud - still not out yet due to circumstance) to explain who my romantic attraction is directed toward when it happens.
This is where the *For the most part comes in; I'm not sure if I'm scared/nervous to use bi with my identity because then I have truly let go of me being straight in any form. And yes I know this is a biphobic mentality and not even really true because I can be in a straight relationship (looking wise) and still not be straight. And maybe I'm so nervous to use that word because when I first thought I was bi, as a teenager, it freaked me out and that freak out still has carried over with me today. Yea being ace isn't straight but since it has no attraction direction its like a hazy 'im not hetero' while bi is a clear 'im not hetero' and it makes me feel more exposed? Not sure that made sense. I don't want to feel or think this way either.
I use other labels to show my fluidity with attraction. One being fluid, I like that but in conversation I would still have to explain more because not everyone understands what fluid means. Two being queer but I do also feel alien using that too. And its weird that I even consider using queer as a label but am scared of using bi, like??? That doesn't make sense, queer or bi still isn't straight so I should be fine with using bi. I also thought that using panromantic could work however the bi definition fits me more than the pan one does.
Since I have no one to talk to about this I think a lot about it from time to time and I do be questioning everything.
And I'm sharing because maybe other aspecs had the exact same experience and I just wanna see if I'm solely alone in this.
One thing that can help with this is to try and surround yourself with more queer people and media, and that can really help normalize these identities and feel the stigma of them less. Whatever you're comfortable with, whether it's following people on social media or checking out your local lgbtq+ chapter and seeing if they have any events, all of it can make a difference.
I'll throw this out to followers, has anyone else had similar experiences that they feel comfortable talking about?
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Hello ooc introduction! Last updated 8/9/24
I’m Coolcat101s (that’s where I follow from) I’ve been rping on and off for over a decade now, but this is my first time rping in the dc community. My response speed and length varies but I’m online often. I’m primarily a mobile user.
Much like dc canon the ‘canonical’ (for lack of a better word) nature of any given story line is decided by vibes especially since this is a crossover friendly blog I figure this approach will help make things mesh best so if I ever have plot holes or contradict myself maybe that was a different continuity
Along that thought line while there are plots happening and time passing, because rping takes time I won’t say there’s like a set matching timeframe if that makes sense? comic time logic you know? Sometimes a day takes 3 panels and sometimes it’s 3 issues.
It can take people a while to reply I get that ^^”
Posts are in character unless otherwise specified, but some posts are meant to be things that happen in the “real world” the stylistic chooses should make these posts obvious but I like to practice writing with my ocs so expect those sometimes
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I am okay with shipping/flirting with Artem I think it’s fun ^^ but be aware that they are pretty oblivious to many things
I’m okay with violence in rp but I’d like a conversation before we do anything that would need a content warning
Update for suggestive content, all of it will be done on a sideblog instead of here bc of how family centered the main blog has become and how many kids follow this blog. So conversation required to get the url for the nsfw side blog
Minors can interact with this blog but be mindful! Muse and mun are the same age (You should really be mindful anytime youre in a mixed age group but that is sometimes forgotten by many in online spaces) I tend to keep things pg 13 and anything not would be tagged as ‘suggestive’. Any minors caught interacting with anything tagged as suggestive will get one warning in case they didn’t read this post but after that you will be blocked if it happens again
Im crossover friendly but only for content that I know if I don’t know it Artem will act confused and will wrap it up to multidimensional shenanigans causing worlds to temporarily touch or whatnot. ( known crossovers that I’m chill with: Danny Phantom, Miraculous Ladybug I’ll add more as I come across them I guess)
Artem was a self insert at one point but they became their own thing after rotating them in different scenarios so now they’re their own oc
Ongoing arc(s):
Power suppression arc (hiatus kinda, abduction interrupted so might be done)
Magic experiments
Completed arc: abduction arc
Bread boy arc
Not really an arc but the manor move
-4’11 blue eyes, hair is naturally brown but they keep it blue
-birthday June 11th (whatever year makes their age match mine in whatever continuity also their chart isn’t mathematically possible but it’s what makes sense for them)
-they’re agender and pan/demisexual, also polyamorous in theory but single in practice
They have a boyfriend fiancé husband ( @bugboi-of-gotham )
-currently has 3 children legally and fostering the Lyra siblings but in the process of adopting more and more then that live in the manor
-went to college on a full Wayne scholarship, they have a bachelors in English with a minor in folklore
-job hops between restaurant (quit daytime gig after coming into money )and goon positions
-the first goon job they ever worked for was calendar man when they were 17 and they currently work under riddler, penguin, scarecrow, and ivy
-they get robbed a lot because they have a resting smile and generally give the vibe of an easy mark when not hanging out with scary people (subsequently they hang out with scary people often)
-lives in a building owned by Red Hood but it’s debatable if they know that
Due to plot they are moving to the Manson family Manor that they inherited with their kids and bb
-Forcibly outed as a meta publicly during the abduction arc
Artem also has an easy time learning instruments and perfect pitch but they don’t equate those to a meta ability (it is linked to their power though)
-has a cat and an aloe plant
-soft spot for kids
-Artem is a witch but doesn’t have much time to study, does small spells though
> their magic is growing a lot kind of fast with the ingesting of fae food, tying themselves to bb, and training with their alt future self
-grew up going to an anti meta church/cult
-Joker killed their mom in front of them when they were 16, they aren’t really the killing type when at all possible so they don’t seek vengeance but they avoid him at all costs and will not work with him
Layout of the Manson Manor! (Manson being Artem’s mother Amara’s maiden name, if the Wayne’s are gothams royal family then think of the Manson family as like barons of gotham I guess? Rich in an old money way. Probably not well known by average people but press/other gotham elites might recognize the name. They’re like the 42nd richest family in gotham)
The fourth floor is magical and not accessible from the outside (the balconies still work somehow cause magic)
Also promises made in the manor are magically binding
From the outside this building still has 3 floors
Protections listed in link bellow
Source: https://archivaldesigns.com/collections/mansion-house-plans/products/balmoral-castle-house-plan
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Yo Aria!! Since you posted the new chapter of SICSIG I thought of making a picrew of Gabe
Here it is
I hope you like it!!
HE'S PERFECT I WANNA PUT HIM IN MY POCKET 😭😭😭🥺
Stars!! You're the best, oh my gosh!!! Look at himmmm he's so sweet im gonna pop 🥰💖💖💖 you got all the lil details perfect!! Like his watch and his button down and gorgeous curls, its so him! And he has the birthday dahlia im gonna cry 💗
This totally made me think -- Gabe getting his first pride pins would be so special for him, right?!
Like, Cas and Luca embellish all of their clothes and accessories and stuff all the time, its second nature for them with their aesthetics, but Gabriel is always so put together, its a part of the whole "perfect President Adalhard" mask, right? This guy owns an iron, for Christ's sake.
But for Cas or Luca to just give him a little present one day, and its just a little rainbow pin (and maybe a polyam pin too!), for him to clip onto the strap of his satchel somewhere, just an understated little thing, i think it'd speak volumes to him. Gabriel's journey in SICSIG is really about finding his sense of self and learning to love himself for who he is; after that whole section where he's thinking about how he identifies, wondering for a time if he was demisexual, and admiring how confident ease with which Cas and Luca use their labels... god, i really think a pride pin would mean so much to him!
Yes he ultimately decided "he was fine just being Gabriel", but for him to have agency around that? To be able to show people that he's actively living as "just Gabriel?" To visibly be part of a community, and slowly unravel the "perfect" mask he puts up by accessorising how he wants, being vocally who he wants to be? That's growth and healing right there!!
HES SO CUTE I WANNA SQUISH HIS LITTLE FACE THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS!!
#SICSIG#gabe adalhard#immortal desires#aria gets way too emotional about the blorbos again#exactly no one is surprised
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