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ssa-babygirl · 4 years ago

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Out of My League [Part 4]

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Single mom!Reader

Word count: ~3.2k

Summary: Why on Earth does everyone think you and Spencer are dating? That’s just ridiculous! Right?

Warning(s): the pining is strong with this one, alcohol consumption, i think there were like one or two swear words?? pretty tame

Author’s Note: OH MY GOD WE’RE BACK AGAIN!!!!! yeah it’s been WAyy too long I’m so sorry guys. ON THE BRIGHT SIDE!!! I’m almost done with the next part so the wait won’t be NEARLY as bad this time around. Ok love yall hope you like it!!!

[Previous Part] [Series Masterlist]

The play was a lovely way to spend your evening. You could hear Spencer beside you muttering the words along with the actors. The monologues were beautiful coming from the talent on stage, but it was nothing compared to your best friend’s whispers when he thought you couldn’t hear him. You looked straight ahead to the stage, fearing that he’d stop if you indicated that you were listening, but you still felt his eyes on you as he gently uttered, “I’ll follow thee and make a heaven of hell, to die upon the hand I love so well.”

Hearing the words you had read and swooned over countless times before coming from Spencer’s soft voice made a shiver run down your spine.

Spencer Reid did not just give you chills, that did not just happen, you told yourself.

The chill that ran across your body contrasted nicely with heat in your face when you felt his gaze roll over your features. You didn’t always like the feeling when someone’s eyes were on you, but something about it being Spencer’s eyes felt… right. You weren’t uncomfortable, quite the opposite, actually. You found yourself being overjoyed in your seat, but you couldn’t tell yourself why.

Or at least you refused to.

When the show ended, Spencer led you out the door you entered from, and you left the library with a dopey smile on your face as you stepped into the chilly autumn night. The sun had gone down during the play and the streetlamps glowed white against the black sky.

“You hungry?” Spencer asked.

“Starving.”

“It’s a little late for dinner, you think we’ll find a place?”

“It’s only eight o’clock, there’s gotta be somewhere.”

“A McDonald’s maybe?”

You laughed harder than you normally would, but his smile when he made his joke pulled an airy giggle from your lungs that you had no control over.

You wandered for blocks, finding restaurants that were still busy with long waits. A cute ice cream shop caught both your eyes from across the street and you and Spencer thought the same exact thing.

Some things really didn’t change since you were kids.

“You thinking what I’m thinking?”

“Of course I am, Y/N, why are we still on this side of the street?”

You crossed the road together, way too excited for grown adults to be about having ice cream for dinner. There was a line, but it was only a few people long, so you decided to wait for this more than worth it opportunity. As you approached the store, a young family was leaving. The daughter, a young girl in a pink sweater, was so focused on her cake batter flavored cone, she didn’t realize she dropped her stuffed rabbit. Spencer nearly stepped on it, but he picked it up and called after the family. They didn’t hear him, so he went after them and tapped the father on the shoulder.

“Hi, sorry, I think she dropped this.”

“Oh my goodness, Lucy, you dropped your bunny!” The mother shrieked.

“Thank you so much, really,” said Lucy’s dad, “Say thank you, sweetheart.”

“Thank you, sweetheart!” Lucy took the toy from Spencer and smiled.

About ten feet behind the scene, you were losing it. Spencer turned around after the family left and made a face while you laughed your ass off.

“That was the cutest thing I have ever seen!” You giggled as he held the door open for you, “Thanks, sweetheart.”

Spencer cracked a smile and bit his lips, gaze dropping to the floor as he blushed.

Okay, maybe that was the cutest thing you had ever seen.

“I miss when Jamie was that little. He was so cute!”

“He’s still a cute kid!” The line moves forward, you’re next up.

“Well, yeah, of course, he is! But now he knows what words mean and that’s not as funny.”

“Children learn through imitation, so it makes sense he copied things you did and said because you're his mom, he looks up to you.”

“He looks up to you, too, you know.” The family in front of you got their ice cream and left, leaving you to order, “Can I get a sugar cone of cookies and cream?” The girl behind the counter nodded and scooped your ice cream. She then turned to a catatonic Spencer, who was staring at you, cheeks flushed and lips parted. He snapped out of it and ordered a cup of rocky road with extra marshmallow fluff on top.

“What are you doing?” Spencer asked as you pulled out your credit card.

“Paying for our ice cream, what does it look like?”

“No, I’ll pay—” He reached for his pocket, but was too slow.

“Oops, too late,” you said, swiping your card and smirking. The girl behind the counter smiled and waved to you as you left.

“Did you mean that? Jamie looks up to me?”

You turned to look at Spencer, whose eyes were full of stars as he grinned back at you, “Yeah! Of course, he does!”

“Really?”

“Oh, don’t be so surprised, Spencer, you’re like his real-life superhero. You saved his life, genius, he wants to be just like you.”

“He wants to be a profiler?”

“Not necessarily. He thinks you’re a secret agent. Like a spy.”

Spencer chuckled, “And how do you feel about that?”

“Oh, it’s terrifying, I hate it.”

“Yep,” Spencer spooned some ice cream into his mouth, “That’s what I thought.”

“I mean, Jesus, Spence, I get retroactive heart attacks from all the shit you tell me about your cases, I don’t know if I want my kid getting into that. I’d worry even more than I already do.”

“You worry about me?”

“You can’t be serious.”

“What?”

“You’re my best friend, genius! Of course, I worry about you!”

You finished your ice creams on the metro and walked home in comfortable silence. As you turned the corner onto your block, you grinned up at Spencer.

“Thanks for playing tour guide today. I had fun. Haven’t gone out with friends since I moved here.”

“Why not?”

“Don’t have any friends here to go out with.”

His eyebrows jumped as he sputtered out a sentence, “Oh. W-well why don’t you come out with the team and me sometime?”

“No, they’re your friends I wouldn’t wanna intrude—”

“You wouldn't be intruding, you're my friend too.”

“Spence—”

“One of my teammates is having a dinner party tomorrow night. He’s a great cook and would love to meet you.”

You dug around your bag for your keys, “I don’t know anyone else on the team!”

“You know JJ! And Derek, too. He’s been asking about you.” Spencer’s eyes dropped to his shoes again as your welcome mat became way more interesting than your face.

“Really?” He pursed his lips and nodded. You thought it over for a moment and decided, “Fine. Text me a time and address.”

His eyes snapped back to yours, “No, I-I’ll pick you up.”

“Woah woah woah, you’re gonna drive me around?” You laughed in disbelief, “Sorry, Doc, I know our whole dynamic has changed a bit ‘cuz we’re both grown-ups now, but I’m not sure either of us is quite ready for that.”

His smile finally flashed back across his face, “Come on, I owe you.”

“For what?”

“You bought the ice cream!” His voice was high pitched.

You matched his tone, “You took me to the Shakespeare library!”

“You took me to McDonald’s 106 times in high school! I’m sure the amount of money you spent on my food could buy the whole gift shop!”

Your jaw fell open, “You counted?”

“I can’t help it!”

You rolled your eyes, failing to fight back a grin, “Goodnight, genius.”

He bit his lips and smiled, “Goodnight, Y/N.”

You jam the key in your door and push it open, closing it with your body as you sigh, leaning your head back against it.

“That good, huh?” Said a voice from the living room, causing you to jump.

“Jesus, mom, what are you still doing up?” You sigh, clutching your chest.

“Well, I put Jamie to bed, I figured I’d wait up for you so I can hear about your date!”

“Wh- mom, what are you talking about?”

“With Spencer! How was your date?”

“That wasn’t a date!”

“Really? So you guys just walked around for hours in silence doing nothing?”

“We didn’t just walk around!”

“So what’d you guys do?” She asked, wiggling her eyebrows.

“Oh my god, mom.”

“You’re not denying anything!”

“Mom!”

“You can tell me, it’s just us girls.”

“He took me to the Shakespeare Library! We got ice cream! That’s it! Nothing happened!”

“Shakespeare Library? Ice cream?” her eyebrows darted up so far it was almost like a cartoon character, “Toots, that’s not nothing!”

“It’s nothing. We just saw a play-”

“What play?”

“Midsummer Night’s Dream.”

Your mother closed her book and tossed it next to her on the couch. “Oh! You mean your favorite! Silly me for thinking this was a romantic outing!”

“It wasn’t!”

“Who paid for the ice cream?”

“I did.”

“Did he offer?”

“Yeah, but I didn’t let him.”

Your mother sighed, “You’re telling me it wasn’t a date, but all I’m hearing is that Spencer thought it was.”

“Then why didn’t he make a move?”

“So many reasons! He’s shy! He’s a gentleman! Maybe he thought you weren’t into him.”

“I’m not.”

“Then why are you so upset?”

Is everyone a profiler now? God!

“Mom, it’s getting late, I walked the length of the city today, I’m going to bed. You can stay over if you don’t wanna drive, but I’m getting some sleep.”

“Right, you need to be rested for tomorrow night. Got a dinner party to go to!”

“Were you listening?”

“The window was open just a crack, I may have heard some of the conversation.”

“Jesus…”

“What? You’re meeting his friends already, this is big.”

You groaned, dragging your feet up the stairs to your bedroom, changing out of your clothes, and hopping in the shower before cozying up for bed. Whether or not you wanted to admit your mom was right, you knew she was. And that terrified you.

(Spencer’s POV)

I rang the doorbell of her house at exactly 6:30, just like I said I would. Seconds later, the door swung open and revealed her smiling face shimmering with her makeup. I took in her outfit, a cute floral dress reaching the tops of her knees. I tried to make sure my eyes didn’t linger on the neckline for too long when I noticed a thin silver chain resting on her collarbone. A small heart-shaped pendant dangled from it.

“Wow.” Was all I could manage, “You look—”

“Totally overdressed, right? Cuz I can dress this down a bit, I just need to change the shoes and throw on a jacket. You know what? I have another dress upstairs I’ll just cha—”

“No, Y/N, you look…” Beautiful, enchanting, stunning, like the most gorgeous woman I’ve ever seen, I thought about saying all of that, but instead, I just said, “Great.”

“Really?”

“Yes.” I tried to say it as sincerely as possible, “Are you ready to go?”

“Yep!” She reached around the door to take a denim jacket from a hook on the wall, throwing it over her shoulders, “Lemme just get my purse—” she glanced around the room and cut herself off with a groan.

“What?”

“I left my bag in my room. Here, come inside, it’s chilly out.” She rushed down the hall to hurry up the stairs to what I’d assume was her bedroom. I stepped across the threshold and into the warm home. There was a faint glow of light from the kitchen, where a child’s laugh bubbled from the room. I followed the sound and found Jamie and Mrs. L/N sitting at the table doing a puzzle.

“Oh, hi, Spencer!” She called.

“Doctor Spencer!” Jamie jumped up from his seat and ran to me, wrapping his arms around my legs.

“Hey, little man!” I ruffled his hair and flashed a grin to Y/N’s mom.

I heard the tapping of shoes descending the stairs behind me, “Okay, got everything, you ready?”

I quickly turned around at the sound of Y/N’s voice and saw her smiling at Jamie beside me.

“Goodnight, Jamie-baby, I’ll see you in the morning, okay? Have fun with grandma,” she cooed as she pressed a kiss to his forehead.

“Goodnight!”

“Bye, buddy!”

“Bye, Doc!”

“Have fun you two, be safe!” Y/N’s mom grinned as she waved us away.

“Oh my god, mom, stop.”

“Okay! Goodnight, my loves!”

“Goodnight!”

Y/N marched out the door and followed the path down to the street, where my car was parked.

“Last chance, Doc, want me to drive instead?”

I passed her to open the passenger side door for her, “Not a chance, I promised.”

“What a gentleman! Now let’s see if we make it there in one piece first.”

The laugh I let out was half-mockery, half-nerves, as I was not the best driver. I had a Ph.D. in engineering and understood more about physics than most people, but that doesn’t mean I knew how to focus well enough to apply that knowledge. When it is literally impossible for me to forget that I have a 1 in 96 chance of dying in a car accident, my hypervigilance does more harm than good.

“So who am I meeting? Who’s on your team?”

My anxieties were somewhat quelled by the sound of her voice, allowing me to pull my thoughts away from the possibility of becoming one of the 20% of fatal car crashes that occur in intersections.

“Well, you already know JJ and Garcia. Hotch, my boss—”

“Tall, dark, handsome? Never smiles?”

I chuckled, “That’s the guy.”

“He seems fun at parties.”

“He’s actually not that bad. Just a bit too serious sometimes.”

“Okay, and who haven’t I met?”

“The host, David Rossi, Emily, you’ll love them.”

“Is Derek coming?”

IQ of 187 and I still don’t think anyone could have explained to me why that upset me as much as it did. It’s not like Y/N was my girlfriend or anything, she was allowed to want Derek, most girls did, so there was no reason for me to be jealous. She wasn’t mine to lose.

“Yeah. He’ll be there.”

We pulled up to Rossi’s mansion a few minutes later, after riding in semi-awkward silence. She waited for me next to her side of the car, not wanting to walk up to the door by herself. I reached out to place a reassuring hand on her shoulder as I drew closer. She gave me a tight-lipped smile before dropping her eyes to the ground between us.

“What’s wrong?”

“I’m nervous, what if they don’t like me.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, what’s not to love?” I didn’t even realize how much I meant those words at the time, so I doubt she understood how serious I was, but her smile softened and her shoulders relaxed slightly under my touch. I led her up to the front porch and rang the doorbell. Shortly after, Garcia opened the door and beamed at the two of us.

“You’re here! Oh my goodness, so nice to see you again!” She pulled Y/N into a hug that she very quickly accepted.

“Hi, Penelope, good to see you too.” She pulled away and grinned at me, the worry mostly drained from her eyes now.

“Come here, boy genius, you get one too!” She wrapped her arms around my waist and my face found its place in her blonde curls. We all went inside and saw the whole team sitting around a coffee table with glasses of wine in their hands. JJ put her glass on the table and got up from her seat on the cushy leather couch to hug Y/N.

“You’re not one of mine, are you?” Rossi sipped his drink and eyed Y/N.

“Um, this is Y/N, my uh, my friend.” I stammered.

“Ah! You’re the doctor’s little lady friend I’ve heard so much about!” Rossi put his scotch down on the table and crossed the room to kiss her on both cheeks, “Lovely to meet you, bella, I’m—”

“David Rossi. Yes, Spencer’s told me about you. Nice to meet you,” she grinned, shaking his hand.

“Ah,” he scoffed, “call me Dave.”

“What? No fair!” Emily piped up, taking a big sip of wine, “You just met her and she gets ‘Dave’ privileges? I’ve worked with you for months!”

“Emily, look me in the eyes and try to call me Dave.” She looked at him and opened her mouth like she was about to say something, but she just took another sip while JJ and Morgan laughed at her.

Hotch flashed a rare smile to Y/N, “Good to see you again.”

“Yes! Glad it’s under better circumstances, Agent Hotchner.”

“Me too. And please,” he extended a hand to her, “call me Aaron.”

This time it was Morgan who spoke up, “No way! Only Rossi calls you by your first name!”

“And me,” Emily mumbled.

“And now Y/N, too.”

“I’m honored, Aaron.”

Looking at her face now all remaining anxiety had just about vanished. I told her she had nothing to worry about, and now she was finally listening to me. Rossi called us all to the kitchen where he told us to grab a plate so he could serve us before we sat down at the table. He gave us each a plate of his famous spaghetti carbonara before taking his seat at the head of the table. The team all chatted about their lives, as we ate. Hotch showed Y/N pictures of Jack on his phone, Emily probed JJ about Will, Morgan, and Rossi poked fun at me for bringing Y/N, but I just rolled my eyes and tried to ignore them. Plates were cleaned, stories were told, and wine bottles were emptied. Mostly by Emily and Y/N.

JJ was the one to try to cut them off, “Don’t you have to drive this one home?” She gestured to me.

She put her hands up defensively, “He picked me up.”

“Reid, you hate driving!” Garcia pointed out, prompting Morgan to spare a knowing glance to Rossi.

“You do?”

“I don’t hate it, I just prefer not to.” I was a profiler, but that didn’t mean I was a good liar.

“Spence, I offered to drive you.”

I shrugged, “I didn’t mind.”

Her eyes lingered on me for another moment before taking another sip of wine and resuming her conversation with Emily. I knew they’d get along. Towards the end of the night, Rossi proposed a toast.

“To familia.”

Y/N smiled, staying quiet.

“Oh, come on now, you too, bella.” He raised his glass to her and clinked the crystal, “You’re stuck with us now, get over it.”

“I’m not complaining, Dave.” Her words were to Rossi, but she never stopped looking at me. Probably just had a bit too much to drink.

Right?

Taglist~~~

Lmk if you wanna be added! Some names didn’t work so if you don’t see your name as a tag just dm me a url and I’ll try to fix it

@lawnmoa @ellvswriting @baby-pogue @rottenearly @confused-and-really-hungry @thatsonezesty13 @deni-gonzalez @irjuejjsaa @randomfandomshitposts @bisoner @moonstarrnghtsky @smurfflynn @eldahae @t0xicllama @undeniablyyou @staplernpaper @theweirdobella @sammypotato67 @k-k0129 @helloniallslovelies @dazzlingnights @uhuhuh @booksarekindaneat @crimeshowtrash

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ashintheairlikesnow · 4 years ago

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Whumptober Day 8: Abandoned

CW: Some vaguely implied child abuse, domestic violence between spouses, blood - and like a lot of it, knives, pet whump, emotional abuse and manipulation, brief homophobia reference

I’ve been asked before about how Krista came to live at the safehouse with the others. Well. Here’s her story. Contains a reference to @whump-tr0pes‘s Honor Bound series.

—

Mr. and Mrs. Richardson had been fighting for months, and the girl had kept her head down. She’d kept quiet, stuck to her schedule. Bathrooms on Mondays, dusting and vacuum on Tuesdays when Mrs. Richardson is out of the house because Mrs. Richardson hates the sound of the vacuum, Wednesday is cleaning the childrens’ rooms, Thursday the kitchen, Friday the den and living room, Saturday and Sunday for everything she didn’t get to over the week.

The girl, who they called Sara, did her job. She stuck to her schedule. At night, she slept in her room, in her bed, and she knew that she and the children - teenagers, all three of them - listened to Mr. and Mrs. Richardson fight.

Sometimes about money, something about bank accounts that were supposed to have more in them than they did. Sometimes about women, and something about how the money in the bank accounts was going to women who weren’t Mrs. Richardson.

Sometimes about how their children were ungrateful, they didn’t understand how good they had it.

Sometimes they fought about Sara, and whether Mr. Richardson looked at her too much or in the wrong ways.

There were nights the fights were vicious and Sara was terrified of the way they screamed at each other, the sound of shattered glass on the walls. On those nights she crept out of her room and into the oldest child’s room, a girl who had just turned eighteen, and Miss Alyssa would let her lay in the bed while they both pretended to sleep, and both stayed wide awake.

Eventually, the two younger children - sixteen year old Mary and fourteen year old Evan - would creep in, too. The four of them would huddle together, the children and the Box Babe, and sit awake past midnight, waiting and waiting for it to stop.

Miss Alyssa would set her jaw and promise the younger two, eighteen and out, just get to college and you barely have to come back. Eighteen and out. I’ll be gone in three months and then we can start planning for you.

Eighteen and out. But Sara was already eighteen - Mr. Richardson told her her paperwork said she was 22, once - and she would never get out. When Miss Alyssa promised there was an escape to her siblings, she never quite looked at Sara.

But there were nights the fights weren’t bad enough to send the two younger ones in, and it was just Miss Alyssa and Sara. Miss Alyssa had told Sara one night, I think I like girls, but I think my parents would fucking kill me if I told them so.

Sara had whispered back, I think I like girls.

She repeated a lot of things they told her, it felt safer than screwing up by getting it wrong. But this hadn’t been repetition. It had been a confession.

Miss Alyssa had stared at her in the darkness, the sound of breaking glass the backdrop to the silence in the bedroom, and said, I thought they took everything like that away from you.

If they did, it didn’t work, Sara said, and the two of them giggled, half-hysterical frightened laughter, as Mrs. Richardson called Mr. Richardson a two-timing son of a bitch stealing from his kids’ fucking inheritance accounts and Miss Alyssa’s arms went around her shoulders and Sara clung tightly to Miss Alyssa’s waist, her hair a loose waterfall of blond. Mr. Richardson never wanted her to pull her hair up.

Sara was good at her job. No matter how frightened she was, no matter that the fights kept her awake, she was up at dawn to prepare breakfast, get the children their lunches ready, lay out school uniforms and Mr. Richardson’s tie.

She was good at being their Domestic.

Which was why she was so confused when Mr. Richardson ordered her into the car on a Tuesday. “But it’s-… it’s vacuuming day, Mr. Richardson,” She had protested, uncertainly, standing in the tank top and shorts she was allowed to wear, short enough to show a flash of her stomach when she had to go on her tiptoes to dust the top shelves. “Mrs. Richardson won’t like it if I still have to vacuum when she gets home.”

“I said get in the car, Sara,” Mr. Richardson snapped, his voice edged with the same violence she heard so often at night. “No one gives a fuck what Melanie wants any longer.” When Sara still didn’t move, his eyes narrowed and he stepped forward, grabbing her by the arm in a grip that bruised, dragging her out the front door.

“M-Mr. Richardson, it’s, it’s vacuuming day-”

“Shut the fuck up.”

“Shut the fuck up,” Sara repeated in a whisper, and obeyed.

The children were all at school when she was all but shoved at Mr. Richardson’s sleek black BMW, told to buckle herself in. The click of the seatbelt felt like the click of the collar being buckled around her neck each day after her shower, and she fiddled with the black leather band nervously, chin tucked down.

The radio played at low volume, and Sara looked from the corners of her eyes as they drove down the street. She had never left the neighborhood since the day that Mr. Richardson had brought her home as a Christmas gift for the family, and once they passed the four-way stop next to the sign for the subdivision, the environment around her was as foreign as another planet.

He drove in silence, ignoring her halting, soft attempts at questions. He turned the radio up each time she spoke, until Sara gave up speaking entirely. Had she done something wrong? She had always worked very hard, and Mrs. Richardson was always saying what a good job she did, and…

“Thinks she can fucking take everything from me,” Mr. Richardson muttered. “The house, the beach house, my fucking kids. She thinks she can fucking have all of that? Yeah, we’ll fucking see.”

“Sir, are you-… are you okay?”

They were stopped at an intersection and his head whipped to look at her. Sara flinched nervously backwards, dropping her hands to wring them over and around each other on the tops of her bare thighs, prickling goosebumps with the A/C on full blast.

“What? What did you say?”

“I asked, um, are you-… are you okay? You seem-”

Angry. Scary. I’m scared of you. I’m scared you’ll hurt me. I’m scared, I-

“-upset.”

“Yeah.” He laughed, bitterly, raking a hand back through his hair, jamming the gas when the light turned green, half-throwing Sara backwards against her seat from the sudden momentum. “Yeah, I’m fucking fine, Sara. Don’t you worry. Take your collar off for me, baby, all right?”

“Take the collar off, yes, sir.”

He never called her baby. That made her stomach twist in newly nervous, nauseous ways, and she slowly raised trembling fingers to the back of her neck, undoing the buckle and feeling her breath hitch, her heart start to race.

She couldn’t disobey the order, even though she felt more naked than ever when she slipped the collar off of her own neck and laid it in her lap, her thumb rubbing over the metal of the buckle itself, sliding over to the soft inner lining, then back to the metal.

“Good, good girl. Okay. Okay okay okay. Shit, fuck… you want some McDonald’s?”

“Want some McDonald’s?”

“You fucking parrot. Do you or not?”

“Um. Yes, Mr. Richardson, if you want me to want that.”

He bought her a chicken nugget Happy Meal and she picked at the fries and stared at the little toy inside, squeezing it to make Spongebob Squarepants’s eyes pop out of his head, then back in again.

Mr. Richardson drove for hours. They stopped at a rest area, and Sara used the pets-only restroom while he waited outside for her, and then they drove some more. At some point his phone started ringing, and he only snorted when he glanced down to see who it was, silenced the ringer, and kept driving.

Countryside passed them, rolling vineyards with grapes heavy on the vine, trees in other places ringed in pretty fences. Sara kept waiting for him to tell her what he was doing, where they were going, but he never did.

A new city rose around them, tall buildings she could barely crane her neck enough to see, and eventually he pulled into a small parking lot labeled EMPLOYEE PARKING ONLY and she knew he didn’t work here, but he parked, and he told her to hold out her left wrist, and she did, looking at him with pretty eyes, just a little large and wide for the thinness of her face.

He reached back behind himself into the backseat and pulled out some towels, soft, fluffy bath towels from home. She hadn’t seen him pack them, and blinked, confused, as he laid them out over the console, layers and layers of them. Four towels total. “M-Mr. Richardson?”

“Don’t scream,” He said, and she caught her breath in a sudden fear just as he brought out the knife and turned the volume up.

The car was running with the stereo at full blast. The noise was deafening inside the car, and no one could hear Sara’s tearful cries for him to stop, and her eventual screams, as Mr. Richardson cut the barcode off her wrist.

His knife slid beneath the skin, not carefully but clumsily, and she kept trying to jerk her hand free but his other hand was gripped with bruising white knuckles. She shook her head, her hair floating around her. She begged, she pleaded, she cried, and he never looked up, not once, until her wrist was a bloody mess of ruined flesh, the barcode was gone, and the towel beneath soaked up more and more blood.

He said something. She couldn’t hear him over the pounding of her own pulse in her ears, her own wails, her own fear of him.

He spoke again, and she shook her head, trying to pull her wrist back to herself. He kept his grip on it and shook it, and she let out a new burst of wailing tears, pulling away from him, panicked, kicking out without thinking. Her bare foot slammed into his arm and finally he let go of her. She desperately felt for the car door handle, and he spoke again but she only heard the click as the door opened and she fell off the side, landing on the pavement, right over the yellow line to mark a parking space.

She scooted back away from him. Her wrist was still pouring blood, it wasn’t stopping, she was smearing it all over herself, her little tank top and the skintight black shorts.

“There. If I don’t get to keep you, she sure as fuck doesn’t,” Mr. Richardson said, and he reached all the way over, throwing the towels at Sara and grabbing the handle on the door. The bloodsoaked bath towels smacked into her, and she clung to them instinctively, pressing them against her wrist.

“Mr. Richardson-… w-wait-”

He looked at her like she was nothing, not even an animal. “Good luck, Sara.”

“Good… good luck?”

He closed the door, and she had to scramble back out of the way as he nearly backed over her. The tires squealed as he pulled back out onto the road, and Sara stared dully after him. Her wrist throbbed, her neck was bare and empty and open, she was bleeding and bleeding and bleeding. He was-… he was gone, and she didn’t know where she was, and she… she belonged to him.

She slowly looked down, lifting the corner of a towel to look at the bloodied bared pinkish exposed meat where her barcode had been. It was-… gone.

She threw a second towel to the side, leaned over, and threw up onto it, losing her breakfast, losing the water she drank while she cleaned during the day, losing and losing and losing until she had nothing left to lose.

“Honey, are you-… holy Christ, are you bleeding?”

The stranger’s voice snapped her out of her disbelief and into terror, and Sara stared up at an older man looking down at her. He wore a three-piece suit and tie like Mr. Richardson wore to his office, and he gasped.

“Oh my God. Christ Al-fucking-mighty, are you okay? Did you do that to yourself?”

“I-I… I’m hurt,” She whispered. “Mr. Richardson h-hurt me.”

What else could she say?

“Do you need me to call someone? Do you have a phone?”

“Need you to call someone,” She repeated, weakly. Her heart thrummed like the hummingbirds Mrs. Richardson fed in the backyard garden with sugarwater that shone in the sun like stained glass if you looked at the feeder.

“Do you know any phone numbers, or…”

“No. I, I, I don’t know who-… who you could call, I…” She whimpered, curling over herself. She would have asked him to call Miss Alyssa or Mrs. Richardson but she wasn’t allowed to know their numbers. There was no one she could ask him to call who could come for her and keep her safe.

The man swallowed, then took his phone out of his pocket and dialed. Her head throbbed, weak and foggy, as she kept the towel on her wrist now, sniffling back tears. It settled in that she had been left here. He cut her barcode off so she couldn’t be scanned and returned home. He had abandoned her. She’d been a good pet, she’d done everything right, and he was gone.

What would Mrs. Richardson think?

What would Miss Alyssa think? Oh, she wouldn’t see Miss Alyssa again, would she? Or Miss Mary, or Mister Evan.

There were loud sirens, loud loud loud, and she tried to get back up, but dizziness dropped her back down again with a graceless thump onto the pavement, the bits of gravel sticking to her thighs. The strange man in the suit moved close to her, holding her by the shoulders, and she could only blink, struggling to keep focus, as the ambulance pulled up. He put a hand to her face and she leaned into it, closing her eyes, humming softly. She liked to be touched. That meant she was being good.

“It’s okay, honey,” The man said, softly, his eyes roaming over her not with the look of something wanting, but genuine, open, honest concern. He had a little pin in his tie, and she blinked as it glinted against the sunlight.

People jumped out of the ambulance, speaking too quickly for Sara to keep up with, but they stopped trying to speak to her when they saw the blood on her wrist. They spoke to the man in the suit, instead. He spoke back but their words were all running fuzzily together, and Sara was still bleeding.

“Hey.” Someone dropped into a crouch in front of her, a person in a uniform with short, messy auburn hair and an easy-going smile, a look of dedicated focus in their clear hazel eyes, and Sara thought they looked like Miss Alyssa, but older, a little bit, and not like Miss Alyssa at all. Not much older, either, maybe. But the focus was the same. “Hey, hi. Hi, there. Can you look at me, for just a sec? Meet my eyes? Can you focus on my finger real quick?”

They held up one finger, moving it slowly from side to side.

Sara blinked, nodded, met their gaze, followed the movement of their finger, and was rewarded with a slight widening of their smile. “Perfect. All right, okay. Can you tell me what happened?”

“My, um, Mr. Richardson l-left me,” Sara whispered, and the tears were welling up again, running out, and she shakily held out her wrist, still covered with the towel she was pressing down against it. “He left me.”

The person nodded, quick and brusque. “Did he do this to you?”

“Y-yes, he, he cut my barcode o-off-”

“He… your barcode?” Their eyes scanned quickly around them, and caught sight of something Sara had missed until now. Sara’s collar had dropped out of the car, and was lying nearby, unmistakable. “Shit. A pet. Okay, okay that changes things…”

“A pet?” The man in the suit looked at Sara - bloodstained, with loose blonde hair falling around her shoulders, wearing a spaghetti-strap cropped tank top and short shorts - and then at the ambulance people. “I didn’t-… Fuck, someone dumped her?”

“Sure looks like it,” The person crouched in front of Sara said. Their voice dropped slightly and their smile was gone. No, wait, smile again, I’m sorry I was bad. Sara raised a hand to try and touch their face, and they shifted slightly away.

“What kind of asshole dumps a pet? They can’t live on their own!”

“You’d be surprised. Can we swing by a place, Brad?” They raked a hand back through their hair, and Sara found a watery, fearful smile at the way it stood up from their head.

“Facility 1’s near here, we can drop her off at their clinic,” One of the other ones said, the others from the ambulance, the one called Brad. “They mostly just do the Box Boys but they’d take a Babe for triage, don’t you think?” He was prepping something in a box, a bandage? Something? Sara’s eyes weren’t focusing very well anymore.

“Fuck that shit,” The person said. “You know better than to tell me to go to that hellhole for help, Brad.”

“Yeah, good point. Shit, I always forget you went all lib on us after that thing with the Army-”

“Yeah, well, I fucking don’t forget it.”

“Do what you gotta do, man, just don’t get me fired.”

“Isn’t that our daily motto?” They turned back to Sara, giving her that slight, soothing smile again. “Don’t worry, sweetie. I’ve got a better idea for you.”

Sara swallowed nervously. “Mr., um, Mr. Richardson-”

“Yeah. Just hold on.” The Brad-man came to her side and took the towel off her wrist, and the other person called someone, spoke to them rapid-fire. The pain of the bandaging kept distracting Sara, along with waves of dizziness, and she missed most of the conversation except for barcode’s gone, saw the collar, and she’ll need medical care right the fuck now, we’ll do the basics and you said I could call you if.

The man in the suit helped her stand up, and the two ambulance people led her to the back. Something about standing, though, made Sara’s head go soft and white around the edges, and she slumped sideways into the man in the suit’s arms.

“You’ll be all right,” The man said, soft and gentle. “They’ll help you and you’ll feel much better soon.”

The last thing she thought was, oh, he was so kind to me, and I got blood on his nice suit.

After that, things were dark for a while.

Then she woke up, and the ambulance had stopped, and there were no lights or sirens. Reddish-Brownish Hair Person was sitting next to her, watching her intently, and breathed out in evident relief when Sara blinked up at them. “Hey. We’re just waiting for someone, and then you’ll get somewhere safe, okay?”

“Safe? I, I need to go home. Mr. Richardson-”

“I know. He dumped you. I’m sorry. That’s the third fucking dumped pet we’ve picked up this month. You’re the first one I’ve caught before they took them back to the Facility, though. Good luck for us, huh?”

“Oh. Yes. Good, good luck for us.” Sara’s eyes moved down to look at her wrist. It had been thickly bandaged and throbbed pain under the layers of gauze, but the pain seemed oddly far away, and her fingers felt numbly cool, almost cold. She blinked - once, twice, three times.

Oh, drugs.

Sara remembered drugs from training.

She made herself relax, even as her heart raced again.

“Your friend’s here,” Brad called from up front, and Reddish Hair let out a whoosh of breath and pushed themself to their feet, bent over in the back of the ambulance, to open the back doors.

Brad added, “Just so you know, our GPS officially says we’re stopped at a gas station eight miles from here getting lunch. Which means…”

“I owe you lunch, plus a drink for fucking the GPS up for me. Trust me, you’ll get it. Okay, let’s get you on your feet.”

Sara heard the crunch of feet in gravel somewhere outside the vehicle, as the person helped her to her feet. She had to lean heavily on them, into the arm around her shoulders, as the white nearly overtook her again. She was carefully helped down, and didn’t even wince as her feet settled into the gravel. There were trees, and picnic tables, and-… was this a park?

“Who’ve you brought for me?” The woman who called out to them wore sneakers, jeans, and a flannel thrown over a t-shirt, a long brown braid streaked with gray down her back. She had a kind smile, and Sara blinked at her.

Pretty, pretty, pretty.

“Dunno. Abandoned pet. Owner cut her barcode off, I saw the collar or I wouldn’t have known. First one I’ve caught in time to make this work. What happens next?”

“Our house doctor’s waiting for her.”

“Who’s your house doctor?”

“Hey.” The woman sighed, and as she held out her arms, Reddish Hair carefully helped Sara move into them, shifting the support that kept her on her feet from one to the next. “You know I can’t tell you their name.”

“Yeah, fair enough. Anyone I’d know?”

“Probably not. Thanks for this.”

“No problem. Fight the good fight, all that shit. Never give up, never surrender.”

The woman brightened into a smile. “Don’t tell me you actually went and watched Galaxy Quest?”

“Look, just because you’re old doesn’t mean you don’t have good taste in movies, Yoder.”

“Well, damn. Never thought I’d see the day someone listened to my movie recs. You’re a good egg, kiddo-”

“I am twenty-two years old, Yoder.”

“Everyone under thirty’s a baby at my age. World doesn’t deserve people as good as you, you know.”

“Nah. All I do is patch people up.” Reddish Hair gave Sara one more smile, a slightly sad one this time, then turned and jogged back to the ambulance, hopping up into the back and closing the doors. Sara blinked, and they were gone. The ambulance pulled away, and it was the second vehicle that had left Sara in a parking lot while it was driven away from her.

This time, though, she wasn’t left alone.

“All right. Well. Time to get you in my truck and take you home, huh?”

“Take me home,” Sara repeated, dully. “But Mr. Richardson-”

“Not that home. A new home. Here, I’ll help you walk.” She led Sara across the gravel, her bandaged wrist clutched to her chest, and helped her up into the truck. Sara buckled her own seatbelt, and then sat back, closing her eyes. She should cry now.

No tears came.

The new woman climbed up beside her. “All right, first things first, I’m Natalie Yoder. I help pets like you, rescues and runaways. You don’t have to be a pet anymore.”

Sara’s voice was soft, wearied. “But I signed up for this-”

“Doesn’t matter. You’re free now.”

The word meant so little, but still it tugged at something in the back of Sara’s mind. Miss Alyssa, whispering to her siblings underneath the sound of Mr. and Mrs. Richardson’s fighting, one day we’ll be free of this shit, and we won’t have to hear them anymore. We’ll be free. Eighteen and out.

“Free,” Sara repeated, in a whisper. “Free.”

“That’s right. Come on. Let’s go home.

“Home,” Sara repeated.

“Right. You’re safe now, sweetheart, I swear.”

Home. Free. Out. Safe.

It wasn’t until they pulled into the driveway of a ramshackle old house in a run-down neighborhood in the outskirts of the city, with a tall blond boy waiting for them on the front porch, that Sara could even begin to believe her.

—

@astrobly, @finder-of-rings, @slaintetowhump, @orchidscript, @moose-teeth, @whumpiary, @burtlederp, @whump-tr0pes, @raigash @whump-tr0pes

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aurorapillar · 4 years ago

Text

Title: doMECHstic life

Fandom: The Mechanisms

Characters: The Mechanisms Ensemble, Dr Carmilla

Summary: Some small domestic moments in the lives of the mechs

“You’re cheating.” Jonny accused Nastya, as he glared at the pile of cards on the table, “There’s no way you have such a good hand.”

Nastya stuck out her tongue at him as she slapped down a draw two, forcing Ashes to add more cards to their hand. “You're just upset you’re losing.” She told him, waving the small amount of cards she had left tauntingly in his face. “So much for you being a ‘dab hand at the cards’ I guess.”

Ashes snorted at that, “She’s got you there Jonny.” They commented, before glaring at their hand in displeasure, Nastya’s last move had totally messed up their plan to win. “Besides, aren't you the one cheating?”

“Of course I’m cheating!” Jonny informed her, “And so are you! Which is why there’s no way Nastya could be winning if she’s not cheating as well!”

“Wait…” From across the table Brian looked at them with a hurt expression. “You guys are cheating?”

xxxxx

“Ow!” Tim winced as the hand he’d been reaching out to grab cookie dough with was smacked with a wooden spoon. “What was that for?” He demanded, shooting a glare at his attacker that might have been intimidating had they not seen it so many times before.

“Hands off.” Jonny growled, scooting the bowl out of reach of the gunner. “It’s not good to eat the dough.”

Tim scoffed, “Oh come on, what’s the worst that could happen? I die of salmonella poisoning?”

“Oh, you’ll die all right.” Jonny told him, his hand moving towards his gun; however before he could actually do anything the sound of metal clattering against metal rang through the kitchen, causing both he and Tim to turn around in search of the source.

“Really? You too?”

“Hey, I was here first!”

Tim and Jonny both began to yell as they caught sight of Marius sitting at the counter, his metal hand stuck into the bowl of cookie dough and a totally unrepentant look on his face.

“They’re going to get eaten anyway.” He pointed out with a shrug, “Why wait?”

Jonny shot him as an answer. As he then turned his gun back towards Tim, the man raised his hands in surrender.

“I’ll wait, I’ll wait.” Normally he wouldn’t have been too worried about Jonny shooting him, but everyone knew Jonny made the best cookies on the ship, if he died there was no guarantee he’d revive before they all got eaten.

xxxxxx

There was a displeased expression on Nastya’s face as she stood, arms crossed, staring at Gunpowder Tim and the Toy Soldier in annoyance. “Did you even get any of the things I asked for?”

Tim glanced at the large pile of shopping behind him and shrugged, he honestly didn’t even remember what Nastya had asked them to get.

“We Had A Wonderful Time!” The Toy Soldier exclaimed, a happy smile on it’s painted face. It wasn’t really sure what they’d gone out to do, but it had been included and so it was happy.

Nastya rubbed at her forehead, feeling the start of a headache forming; all she’d wanted was some components to finish repairs, and instead she’d ended up with….well honestly she wasn’t sure. Within the numerous bags she could see candy, toys, clothes, decorations, and all manner of other things; the most eye-catching of all their purchases though was the giant human sized teddy bear.

“Why?” She asked, gesturing wildly at it. “Why?”

The Toy Soldier’s already big grin grew wider, wider than it should be able to in fact, but Nastya had spent far too long in the same crew as it to even notice.

“It’s Very Soft!”

Tim nodded in agreement to the Toy Solider’s claim and Nastya felt her headache grow even stronger. “How did you even get Ashes to let you….” She trailed off as she finally noticed that the other Mechanism was nowhere to be seen. She’d sent them along with Tim and the Toy Soldier since Ashes tended to take their responsibility as Quartermaster rather seriously, and thus was more likely to not frivolously buy stuff.

And yet there were plenty of frivolous purchases in front of her and no sign of Ashes.

“What happened?”

Tim shifted nervously, Nastya was no Jonny, but she could still be terrifying when she was angry.

“Well...there was this bonfire…”

xxxxxx

“Jonny Old Chap! Look” Jonny winced as the Toy Soldier enthusiastically slapped at his arm and pointed out the car window in a random direction. “There’s a McDonalds.”

Jonny gave a halfhearted glance out the window and scowled as he saw that there was in fact a McDonalds a little further ahead, he knew what would be coming next.

“We Should Stop And Get Something!”

“Yeah! I want a hamburger!” Tim agreed, and Jonny’s hand tightened on the wheel in annoyance.

“We are not stopping.” He firmly told them. Stopping would make getting to their destination take even longer and he wanted to get out of this stupid car as soon as possible.

He hated planets where the main method of transportation was cars, not because they were less technologically advanced than what he was used to, but because they were so enclosed and cramped. Give him a nice horse to ride, a train he could walk around in or a big spaceship as a method of travel, anything but a car that was filled with his idiot crewmates.

If he wasn’t the one being forced to drive perhaps it wouldn’t be so bad, he could close his eyes and attempt to take a nice nap until they got to their destination. Unfortunately, someone who totally wasn’t him, had shot their unusual driver Brian after he’d complained one too many times about them killing the cars original owner; and thus he’d found himself behind the wheel, since he didn’t trust any of the others to do it. It would have been much easier of course to just have the Aurora drop them off at their destination, but Nastya, Ashes and Raphaella had declared they had plans for the planet, plans that would be ruined if anyone saw the Aurora.

Which, given the unspoken rule among the crew to not deliberately mess up each others’ plans on a planet, meant they had to run errands the local way. Of course, Jonny had noticed that Ashes, Nastya and Raphaella all conveniently had other stuff they had to do when it came time to run said errands.

“It’s still a long drive Jonny, As a doctor I would recommend we make sure we have sustenance to keep us going.” Marius piped up from his place in the backseat, and Jonny took a hand off the wheel to flip him off.

“You’re not a real doctor Marius.” He gruffly told him, “Don’t try and pull that.”

“Actually,” Tim commented, pulling out a piece of paper and passing it forward to Ivy in the front seat. “I have his diploma right here.”

As Jonny glanced at the piece of paper and let out a snort, it was a rather impressive forgery, or rather it would have been were it not entirely written in crayon.

“When did you even make this?”

Tim shrugged, “Maybe I’ll tell you after we get McDonalds.”

“We’re not getting McDonalds.” That didn’t seem to be the answer Tim wanted and he quickly started up a chant, which Marius and the Toy Soldier joined him in.

“McDonalds! McDonalds! McDonalds!”

Rubbing at his forehead, Jonny glanced at Ivy beside him; at least she wasn’t being an annoyance.

“I wouldn’t mind something to eat.”

Jonny quickly changed his mind, Ivy was a traitor.

“Alright, you know what? Fine, we’ll stop.” Jonny told them, turning to pull into the McDonalds drive thru, and the chanting turned to cheers.

“Hi, can I take your order?” The woman at the window asked, and Jonny let out a sigh.

“Yeah, can I get one black coffee?”

xxxxx

“Watch it.” Jonny growled, ducking to avoid getting hit by one of Raphaella ’s hands as she gestured wildly in order to emphasize her point. The scientist barely spared him a glance however before returning to complaining.

“And then she had the nerve to get the Aurora to lock me out of my lab! Can you believe it?”

“That’s rough.” Brian consoled, half his attention focused on making sure the nail polish went on her fingers smoothly. “You did blow a hole in one of the walls though, you can’t blame her for being upset.”

Raphaella scoffed, “Jonny shots holes in the wall all the time and you don’t see Nastya getting upset.”

That earned her disbelieving looks from the other two occupants of the room.

“Have you somehow managed to miss all the times she’s chased me through the halls with a wrench?” Jonny questioned, before pausing and thinking about it for a moment. “Actually with how much time you spend in your lab you might have.”

Raphaella opened her mouth to argue, before realizing that he had a point. Instead she turned to Brian.

“Are you almost done? I really need to try to get back into my lab before my experiment gets away.”

Brian mentally filled the later half of that comment in his mind under ‘things I might need to be concerned about later’ and then nodded.

“They just need to dry, then you should be good to go.” He turned to Jonny. “Want me to paint yours too?”

“Sure.”

xxxxx

“Nastya look!” Nastya jumped slightly before turning to glare at the jerk of a first mate who’d startled her by whispering right into her ear. The man in question looked entirely unrepentant as he pointed across the street towards a store, or more specifically the sign in the window reading ‘All Candy 50% off’. “What do you think?”

Nastya frowned, the idea of candy was appealing, but she was well aware that neither she nor Jonny had any money on them. “I doubt Carmilla will go for it.” She told him.

“Go for what?” This time it was both of them who jumped as the doctor’s voice suddenly came from behind them. Whirling around they found Carmilla staring at them in amusement; for a moment the three of them just stared at each other and then Carmilla turned her gaze in the direction they’d been looking. “...candy huh?”

She pursed her lips, a thoughtful expression on her face as Nastya and Jonny waited nervously to hear what she would say. They were running somewhat low on funds, but it wouldn’t be that hard to get more, and she had put them through a lot recently.

“Well,” She finally said after what seemed like an eternity to the two mechansims, “I suppose you both do deserve a treat, you can pick out two things each.”

The bright smiles on her kids' faces assured her she’d made the right choice.

#the mechanisms #mechtober 2020 #my writing

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xaspiringbeamoflightx · 4 years ago

Text

A Brief Timeline of Tina and James’ Tumultuous History for the Uninitiated !!

Tina and James have been an ongoing riot-fest since 2019, but not everyone knows just how complicated their relationship actually is. They might look all cute and cuddly now, but it’s been a long time coming and they’re still working on it. Also, there are some things here that happened with a previous Peter so they’re sort of... half ret-conned but kind of not, we’ll see? Please note that this is a huge post also! Trigger Warnings: Emotional and Physical Abuse, Violence, Injury (self-harm and caused by someone else), Hospitals, Sex Work, Drug Mentions, Sex Mentions. These are all mentioned briefly but not spoken about in great detail.

So, James and Tina began life as mortal enemies. Tina started working at the Neverland Hotel when she was 19, mostly to look after Peter. They both absolutely hated James because he was a “pirate” (see: adult) and was always grumpy and bossing them around (you know, as a boss/ adult does) and they were always causing trouble for him.

Cue 2019. Tina was still firmly in the James bad pirate camp, but James finds Tina quite funny and endearing, if absolutely terrible at doing her job.

Incident 1: Tina attends a house party and while drunk catches James walking by and decides to cause some trouble for him. He follows her into the house, she continues to wind him up, and then he scoops her up and jumps into the pool with her as a bit of revenge for trouble making. (It should be noted here that Tina cannot swim and hates water, so she is absolutely livid and very embarrassed because the whole party saw this incident occur.) For a few days after, Tina avoids James in case she tries to kill him because she is #pissed.

Incident 2: The whole ordeal has been annoying Tina all week, and it culminates in her going in a huff while trying and failing to put clean sheets on the hotel beds. James investigates because she isn’t doing her job, and is a bit concerned for her. They begin to argue because Tina is in a bad mood but James doesn’t let her storm away and then the unexpected happens and Tina shows a vulnerable, meek side that neither of them saw coming. She let her guard down for a second (and it was our first oh shit moment), and then James was internally like “that was odd”.

Tina didn’t like that she let her guard down, so she's back on the must cause trouble and forget that ever happened BS as soon as she gets the chance.

Cue Incident 3: Halloween! James thinks it would be a great idea to make Tina try on some Halloween costumes for a themed Halloween Hotel thing as revenge for her throwing an absolute tantrum. Somehow... Lord... Somehow they end up flirting?? Tina is doing it to be a little shit because she thinks it’s funny, James is doing it to see what Tina does. About halfway through this, James has an epiphany! (You know, a good old Oh Shit I fancy Tina, fuck my life moment). She’s standing there in a fairy costume, James has her near enough against the wall and just as it looks like it's about to go too far, Peter swoops in and saves Tina from the evil pirate.

Incident 4: A curveball.

It’s mid-November, 2am. James is taking a walk home from his fight club, and he happens upon Tina’s street. She doesn’t sleep well because there’s always something worrying her that she 100% doesn’t let anyone know about because she doesn’t let her guard down for anyone, so she makes herself a wee cup of tea and she’s sitting on her front step drinking it. (This thread was so soft I swear) Tina is very sleepy, so her guard is fully down at this point, and for some reason she invites him in for a cup of tea if he promises not to tell anyone. She’s actually nice and honest for once, and the conversation is lovely, which has James like heart-eyes everywhere.

They talk a bit about how James used to be in a gang, and he mentions that he has a scar from where he was stabbed as a young man. In a sleepy state, Tina realises James is actually an okay person and tells him “You’re not so bad”. He mentions that the hotel is going to be refurbished, and Tina starts giving him sleepy ideas and then eventually accidentally falls asleep on his shoulder on the sofa. He puts her to bed, but quickly finds out Tina is clingy AF as she grips his arm and won’t let go when he puts her down. So, James has no choice but to sleep on her floor because he doesn’t have the heart to make her let go.

A little while after this the hotel had to close for refurbishment - it was being pretty much rebuilt from the ground up, so Peter had to go live with Tina in her tiny one-bedroom apartment, and she didn’t have to go to work for a while, but James kept her paid and employed.

Incident 5: There were some slowly building conversation between the sleepy 2am conversation and this incident, so it doesn’t come fully out of nowhere.

James gets a phone call from his estranged father, who he hasn’t spoken to since he was a child because of his mother, and asks to meet him. James panics that his life isn’t what he thinks it should be - in other words, he’s completely alone and unloved and doesn’t want his dad to know that - and asks Tina to pretend to be his fake fiancé for a few hours and says he’ll pay her for it.

She’s like “FINE if i’m getting paid but you also have to get us free McDonalds”. Tina stupidly suggests they pretend to get engaged in McDonalds for free chicken nuggets because it would be hilarious. Afterwards, they go to meet his dad, Tina pretends to be the fiancé and they eventually leave thinking all is swell. (Tina has not told Peter about this plan at all but she knows Peter doesn’t want her near James.)

Then shit just... hits the fan...

Incident 6: “Why did it have to be you?”

James, at this point, has realised he really, really, really likes Tina... And that he thinks he actually loves her. Instead of keeping it to himself, they’re walking back to the car, and he just comes out with the bombshell that he loves her and Tina does not take it well.

After a lifetime of always being strung along, Tina thinks he’s playing a cruel joke on her, because Tina wanted someone (Peter) to love her her whole life and she never got it. People have always toyed with her feelings like this in the past. When he insists he’s not joking she gets even more angry and says “Why did it have to be you?” which really stung James who has already been made feel worthless his whole life (to be revealed in a later point). Tina thinks James used her, and it’s a whole mess. They end up fighting and there are bitter tears and they have to sit in the car home like... not feeling great!! In an unexpected turn though, Tina softens and tries to lighten the mood before they get home. James’ self-worth has tanked by this point, which leads to self harm when he finally gets home, but a text from Tina pulls him out of it.

They think that’s the end of it, that Tina will never speak to James again, and James will be sad forever, but there’s more!

Incident 7: Word gets to Peter that Tina and Hook are engaged, and he is absolutely livid at Tina and demands she never speak to him again (but little does he know that somehow Tina felt so bad about what she said that she started texting James again, not apologising but like making jokes and somehow she ended up flirting with him again, and they were kind of low-key talking again. Basically by this point Tina is like Why can I not stop talking to him?) Tina insists to Peter that the whole thing was fake and that she only did it for the nuggets. Tina has promised never to speak to James again, and for a hot minute she “saw sense” and intended on not seeing him again except for work, so no more weird plans or anything because Peter said.

Then Incident 8: We are roughly at the end of January 2020. One night, at 2am Tina gets a phone call from James. He sounds awful, and he tells her he loves her again at which point Tina is confused, thinking he’s drunk. Before he can answer Tina’s question, someone takes over the call. He had been on his way to the hospital because he had been stabbed by a member of his old gang and was, y’know, actively dying.

Tina freaks out for multiple reasons, but mostly because she realises she actually really cannot lose James because he might actually be her friend, and he’s nice to her and he treats her well. (At this point she’s feeling something else but it has fully not clicked). In a pure blur, she rushes to the hospital, not telling Peter, because she thought he was legit going to die, and she was the last person he wanted to talk to before he went. Tina waits there on her own the entire time (for actual hours) while James is in emergency surgery, not knowing what’s going to happen or why she’s so scared.

In the early hours of the morning, he finally is in recovery, and Tina gets to see him, distraught talking to him while he’s out for the count. He comes around for a little bit, they have a cute, melancholy conversation and she gets to go home when the fear of him dying is gone.

Tina hen visits him almost every day in the hospital “for work related things” because she made a moodboard for one of the hotel room’s themes and needs an excuse to talk to him more. (Somewhere around here is Valentine’s Day and James feels jealous that Tina is making Peter something for dinner.)

James eventually makes a recovery and gets out of the hospital and Tina has continued to see him through the whole journey and not tell a single person that she was there on the night of the emergency. (She is completely bottling it up at this point and it’s not doing her good.) Unfortunately, James’ past catches up to him a second time.

Incident 9: He has been home for a short amount of time, but one afternoon James sends Tina a text saying that he doesn’t want anything to do with her any more. He gets quite harsh with her to really send that message home, and Tina is raging because she’s like you put me through all this emotional turmoil for nOTHING?!?!?! I think the fuck not!

He suddenly stops replying, but instead of taking the hint, Tina decides to go to James’ house for a stern word with him. James starts by trying to get her to leave angrily, but it doesn’t work because she’s stubborn. We quickly find out that the reason he wants her out of his life is to protect her from his mother! She heard about the “engagement” and wasn’t happy about it.

This is where James reveals the really hard life that he has led up to this point - His mother blamed him for his father leaving them, and then made it seem like James died to hurt his father. James ended up in care until he was 18 (and was in a gang through his teens and 20s), and was later forced to become a male escort when his mother came back for more revenge. She was just... hella abusive, not a fun time, and now, after a few years of James thinking he had gotten away from that life she showed up because she couldn’t let him be happily engaged.

The woman turns up at the house while Tina is there and starts fighting with James. At some point Tina sees nothing but red because dont treat him like that!!! and she ends up going on the attack. They finally get the woman out of the house and from that point on Tina is like nope I’m in this, must protect James!!!!!!!

Tina and James are fully not processing any of this at this point. The emotional turmoil they've both had in a short space of time is so bad that they're both 5 minutes away from a full mental breakdown and they're fully attached to each other at this point because of it.

So, one of Tina's personality traits at this point is that for sOme reason she just cannot help herself from trying to wind up James because it gets her attention. It always leads to low-key flirting that she won't admit to because she's fully in denial that she fancies him at this point, and James goes with it because he DOES fancy her and thinks it's cute. They have a few conversations after this where they're being nice to each other and whatever so there's a slight build up to this next part that Naomi and I didn't see coming until we got there...

This leads us to Incident 10: The infamous Bubbles thread.

SOOOOOOOOOO Tina, looking for attention, shows up to James' house with the intention of bugging him until he agrees to throw a party at the hotel. Totally innocent, the following was genuinely not planned on Tina’s part. Anyway, Tina shows up and James is in the bath but by this point she's fully on the I'm here for attention and this will be hilarious road so she straight up just walks into his house, goes looking for him, finds him in the bathroom and kicks off her shoes to sit on the edge of the bath for a casual conversation. (There are bubbles so do not worry, she sees nothing!)

James is rightfully thinking “wtf Tina?” but she just keeps insisting on this party like this is a normal way to ask for anything. He gets sick of it and just pulls her into the bath fully clothed. There's too much flirting going on, but they get out and get changed, and we thought that was gonna be the end of it.

But then tension builds and builds, and the penny drops. It goes where you think. They end up sleeping together, which only complicates the matter because Tina isn’t over her feelings for Peter at this point, and she is TERRIFIED that he will find out about it, so she asks James to keep it a secret.

All of this tension and drama is building and finally Tina has an actual total meltdown a few months later because at this point she hasn't told anyone any of this, and it's been building for months. [Note: This was triggered by a plot in the RP we were in at the time, which is ret conned plot-wise here, but the meltdown and following comfort still occurred because it was important. Essentially, there was a mass spiking of drinks at a festival, which made Tina paranoid and all the previous trauma hit her on the come comedown, which sent her into a 3-day-long depressive episode] Following her crisis and meltdown, James came along to see if she was okay because he couldn't get a hold of her for 3 days and she confesses that she fancies him (but hasn't said love yet).

They're fully attached to each other at this point and end up with this weird secret relationship thing going that Tina is trying to keep from Peter because she gets so paranoid that he'll never want to speak to her again. (This is where all of Tina’s Peter issues are completely heightened because she has this terrible, debilitating fear that she will hurt Peter and that he’ll hate her, because Peter’s happiness is supposed to come first.)

Eventually, Tina finds that she has no choice but to tell Peter because it's driving her nuts and she doesn't want to tell him accidentally because she's having another meltdown. It isn’t fair on James either, who genuinely loves her, and is so kind and warm and loving toward her and she is ajkgajghuahg every time she is near him. James issues her an ultimatum, but she has to tell him or he will be finished with her. She realises she can’t let that happen either and she’s stuck in the turmoil of not wanting to lose the two most important people in her life.

(Somewhere in here James ends up caring for his younger twin sisters, but this is a story for Naomi to explain if you need it.)

Incident 11: Tina tells Peter some time in November, leading to another meltdown. She confesses that there has been something going on between her and James, tells part of the emotional turmoil from the hospital and so on, and that she lied and broke her promise. [This happened in between Peter players, some creative liberties were taken]

Peter was rightfully livid about the whole thing. Read this for the meltdown.

As punishment for lying, and having a thing for thee Pirate James Hook, Peter banishes her (which in Lost Boy speak is basically death. She was terrified he would banish her and he did it) for two weeks. Tina has another total meltdown following the banishment and for the first time ever calls James to ask for help because she's so heartbroken that she can't function thinking she had lost Peter forever.

Peter disappeared some time during this two-week period, returned briefly at Christmas pretending nothing happened, and then disappeared again until recently so Tina is all over the place. For the first week she literally can't do anything, but also has been thinking a lot a lot, and then on the second week at some point she finally tells James she loves him. He showed up to fix the cabinet door she broke mid-meltdown and she's just like aiuhauighiuahgu shit i love you.

Incident 12: The Blackout, December 5th. James had plans to propose now that he really knew Tina loved him, but the blackout and the hotel being thrown into chaos threw his plan completely out the window. Until it didn’t.

Tina accidentally used the proposal mug on the final day to make James a cup of tea to de-stress while they were at the hotel, inadvertently proposing to James by accident. After a proper explanation, James finally pops the question and Tina says yes. (Because we love chaos, they snuck away from the hotel for a while for... some not safe for the workplace things) and later returned like nothing happened.

So now they’re engaged and that’s us just about up to date. I think?

Now all that’s left to do is tell Peter about the engagement...

#tina x hook #abuse tw #violence tw #self harm tw #hospital tw #drug mentions tw #idk what to tag this as #so #drabble #A Brief Timeline of Tina and James’ Tumultuous History for the Uninitiated #tina x James

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yurtletheturtlehenderson · 5 years ago

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S.T. REWRITE - S2:E7; Chapter Seven, The Lost Sister - [Pt. 3]

A Will Byers x Reader Series

In their search for answers, psychic visions draw Eleven and Y/n to a band of violent outcasts and an angry girl with a shadowy past.

||Reader's POV||

I stare at my reflection studiously. I now stood in a pair of baggy ripped jeans for someone at least a foot taller than me - though I dread to think what the clothes that didn't fit me looked like. I had to cuff them at the ankle as well as hike them around my wrist - thankfully Funshine had supplied a belt. He had also given me three shirts which had confused me at first, but I realize it was a good thing. Given how cold it was, it was wise to dress in layers. Funshine had given me a long white shirt, and an old and faded Rolling Stones tee shirt to go over it. As an added layer, a red flannel that hung over the tucked-in shirts.

I wasn't quite used to this style, but I have to say, I do kinda like it. Mom always bought our clothes, and while she did support us branching out and trying different things she always found a way around getting stuff like this. It didn't look half bad, and it was certainly warm.

Sighing, I look around the room. Besides the fire pit where my clothes are sitting nearby to dry, the room is lit by a giant sign for some sort of psychic.

Ironic.

I can hear bickering and mixed laughter downstairs, and I wander out to the balcony unsure of what I'm supposed to do now. I step back out of view, not wanting to get caught and I begin looking around. I see another stairway, and streaming through the top is a small pale gray of light. Hesitantly, I climb towards it, careful to keep my footing light.

I can hear cars passing outside as I approach the corner at the top of the stairs and I can feel a cool breeze. Cautiously, I turn the corner and I see a door labeled, ROOF ACCESS sitting ajar propped open by a brick. I catch a brief glimpse of Kali talking to El, and I realize if I can see her she could easily see me. Slowly, I readjust myself around the corner when I catch the words she speaks to El.

"What you can do is incredible. It makes you very special, Jane."

I stop, unable to make myself move and against my better judgment I stay to listen. I have to strain to hear El's soft-spoken words, but I hear them.

"Wait," she says. "Do you have a gift?"

"Different," she says. "I can make people see, or not see, whatever I choose."

I frown, my mind conjuring thousands of possibilities and weaving intricate webs that feed my anxiety.

"Is that why you made the man with the crazy hair dance?" El asks.

"Axel is not so fond of spiders, so..."

"You made him see spiders?"

There was a moment of silence, but soon enough I hear voices again.

"But it doesn't have to be scary," Kali says. "This butterfly, it isn't real. I've just convinced your mind it is. Think of it as a kind of magic."

Curiosity gets the best of me, and slowly I peek around the corner. I see Kali and El staring into up into the air, and El even swipes a hand above her head. It's a strange sight, but I know she is seeing something I am not. And that frightens me, what a dangerous power to have. Kali swipes at the air, her clenched fist retracts and her palm slowly opens revealing nothing.

I return my back against the wall when I hear El speak again.

"Are you real?"

"Yes, I'm real."

There is another silence, and it is broken moments later when I hear them break into giggles. I feel my heart clench and I sigh inwardly, ready to return to my room. But something stops me.

"Jane, you told me that your friend came here to help you, right?"

I freeze, my feet rooted in place.

"Yes."

She waits for a moment, then speaks slowly. Her voice has grown serious once more, and the tone she has when speaking about me to El rubs me the wrong way. It's like she's putting words in El's mouth.

"Something tells me there is more that story. That's an awful long way to come for a friend."

"She's like us. She has a gift."

"Really?" Kali says. "But I thought she grew up with those boys you spoke of? The ones that helped you."

"She did. But she came from the lab. She would have been called Nine."

This pause was the most damning and by far the most deafening. I could practically see the look on her face without having to turn the corner and I tried desperately to calm my heart. Again, I knew there was no logic behind this anxiety, but I did trust the feeling completely.

I didn't know what to do, or what to think and the pause must have been significant enough for El to speak up.

"What's wrong?" El asked.

I heard Kali sigh, and she proceeded to take several harsh breaths and she spoke very slowly to El.

"Was her mother [y/m/n]?"

"Yes," El said, a hint of surprise.

"Jane, do you realize just how much she has affected our lives?"

"No?"

"You say you don't remember our time together, no?" Kali asks slowly. "Well, things were a little different before the missing experiment."

"How?"

"You see, back in the rainbow room, we got to play. You say you saw this? We weren't as isolated or kept apart. But when she went missing, our lives got a whole lot harder."

"The room..." El said, her voice cracking.

"Yes, Jane, the room. I remember it too. These men that took us, took our lives, they grew very mad and very frightened when your friend escaped, and they took it out on us. The lab was never a good place, but at least we had our sanity, but they took that away too when she left."

"I remember when we went into lockdown, men stormed my room and ripped me from my toys. I was thrown in the room and I didn't come out for another day and a half. I was relocated every night, for four nights in a row. And I never saw you again, until now."

"What... are you saying?"

"Jane, let me put it this way. Does it not bother you that not only did your friend get a better life than us, but our lives were made worse because of it?"

"Well, yes. But it wasn't her fault. It was her mothers." El said confused.

I smiled.

"Maybe so, but think about it. Do you really think this friend of yours truly understands what we go through? What you go through, every day? She does not have the memories we do, she does not know the life we have lived, the bad times. She has grown up in a nice home, with a loving family. She does not understand our pain. So do you really think she could understand us?"

This time, El didn't say anything. Once again, I was wrong before. This silence was more deafening and far more damning. I felt the anger return, boiling up in my chest.

"And that is why I want you to stay. Don't you see? This could be your home, you said it yourself, we're sisters. I can teach you how to harness your anger, and strengthen your gift. We'll look after each other. We understand each other. Y/n will never understand you. But I do. Would you like that, Jane?"

Never in a million years would I expect El go side with her, but she did and I could feel my heart break into two.

"Home."

Hot anger rises to my cheeks, and I feel the heat radiating off my face. Hotly, I turn on my heel and trudge down the steps, not caring if I'm heard and I think of returning to the room but decide against it. Instead, I stomp downstairs and past the group drawing several curious glances. I ignore their comments and I rip the door open and run outside. I run and run and run, never ceasing until my lungs tire. I stop and look around, panting and I find myself in an abandoned train yard.

I try to calm my racing thoughts but they only grow stronger and faster, buzzing around my head like a swarm of hornets. I every needle of anger I felt in the past year pricking my nerves and push me to the edge, I feel every bruise anyone has ever inflicted upon me with every dagger thrown my way.

I collapse on my knees, wailing, finally allowing every feeling, every emotion I have had to repress come back with a vengeance. Head in my knees, my palms pound against the pavement and I feel a huge rush of adrenaline and relief. The wind carries my hair as I scream and I feel a gush of warm air. My hands find their way through my hair and my fingers claw at my scalp. I feel my jeans grow wet but I know it is only from my tears this time, and I take several deep breaths.

Sobs still wracked my body and it is a long while before I finally pull my head up from legs. My eyes are puffy, but I am still able to see the large cracks traveling along the pavement around me.

I look around myself in wonder, the once smooth pavement beneath me had cracked and split into several veins and tendrils spiking. I hadn't even noticed, the ground below me had shifted and quickly stumbled to my feet. Right where I had been sitting the pavement had caved in between the two breaking points where my palms had made the fracture. I looked on in amazement at what I accidentally have done.

Logically, I know I caused this.

I choke back a defeated laugh, but then I allow it to happen. For the first time, I feel truly myself. Kali was right, I don't belong here. But I don't want to belong here.

I have no reason to stay. I could help Will like I said I was doing in the first place. I could go home. And I will. There's no decision, no should I stay or should I go. El could stay if she wanted, but I'm going to go.

I'm going home.

⊹ ⊹ ⊹

By the time I reach the warehouse, my anger has grown tepid. But my mind is still made up. I'm leaving, tomorrow, first thing. But that didn't mean I couldn't still try to talk to El. When I enter the warehouse, I'm relieved I don't have the same worries as last. The downstairs is empty now but I dismiss the thought, heading up the stairs.

"Ole McDonald had a farm! E-I-E-I-O!"

I turn when I hear the family tune echo from around the corner.

What in the actual hell?

Then I remember their nickname for El and I roll my eyes. Of course, they want her in and abuse her powers but they won't treat her with any respect. I hear a slam that stops the singing and once again I find myself overhearing Kali's words.

"She found me with only this."

"What's that mean?" I recognized the voice as the woman who stepped up to Axel, the woman in green.

"It means she can find people without moving. With nothing but an image."

"You telling me Shirley's a human radar detector or some shit?" Axel asked.

"Or some shit, yes."

"Come on, no way."

"We'll find out soon enough," Kali said. "I want to do one. Tomorrow."

My brows furrowed. What the hell where are they talking about? Whatever it was didn't sound good and they clearly wanted to use El for her powers. "Sister" my ass.

"You serious, Kal?" Axel asked, his voice rising.

"We're way too hot right now." The woman warned.

Another voice joined in, the crazy looking girl who mocked me.

"Paranoid." She said, in a sing-song voice.

"Realistic." The woman corrected. "You don't kill their men and expect them to look the other way."

My eyes widen.

So that's what they're doing. They're going around killing the bad men. Yeah, they're bad men, they're terrible people who've done terrible things but this is not the solution.

"If they find us, they will unleash hell." She finished.

"So we give in to fear?" Kali snapped back. "She's in pain. She needs this. We go out tomorrow."

I heard footsteps approach and I freeze, unable to move without being seen. Much to my relief Axel falls after Kali and the footsteps pause.

"Kali!"

"What?"

I take advantage of her diverted attention and I cross the hallway before she can see me.

"What about that pesky tag-along friend of hers, what about her?"

"I have no use for her. She's not to be trusted, I want her gone by morning."

The footsteps continued and quickly I slipped into the room I had been shown. It seems El was there too, she lay in the bed on one side, nuzzled up under a bright orange blanket. I slowly step inside and all the words I had prepared to say evaporated when I saw El. She looked so comfortable, and by now she was fast asleep. I was still very upset with her, but I knew if I woke her, and told her everything, things would only end on a bad note.

Maybe I could talk to her in the morning. Obviously, I have to wake up extra early anyway to leave before they could get rid of me. Sighing, I slipped off my shoes setting them the dim fire pit and trudged to the other side of the bed. I sat on the edge, sighing greatly as I put my head in my hands. I sit like this for a moment, collecting my thoughts before I discard a few of my layers. Slowly as not to wake El, I lay myself down on the opposite side, and nuzzle myself under the covers. I don't realize how tired I am until my head hits the pillow and right as my eyes flutter closed I am awakened.

"Y/n?"

My eyes open, and I see El looking at me from where she lays.

My stomach twists in knots knowing the moment can no longer be avoided. I'd have to tell her.

"Hi, El." I croak.

I can feel a lump forming in my throat, knowing what is about to unfold. Not wanting to dread it a moment longer, I take a deep breath and rip off the bandaid.

"El, are you staying here?"

She seems taken aback, her eyebrows furrow and she gives me a curious look. It quickly morphs into sadness and she nods

"Yes." She says. "How did you know?"

"I heard."

"Oh." Is all she says.

I take another deep breath, trying to keep my emotions intact.

"But are you sure you trust Kali? I mean, we hardly know her and I'm just not so sure about all this."

Her eyebrows twitch, and I can sense a flicker of anger.

"She's my sister." She says slowly, her voice begins to harden.

This causes my own brows to flicker, and I try to hide my offense.

"And I'm your best friend, I'm only trying to look out for you. I just think maybe you should think this through."

I think about the words that Kali said about me, not only to El but the words El didn't hear.

"Get rid of her."

"She cares about me. I'm her missing piece. She said so. And she is mine." El spits.

"What? El, please. Just hear me out-"

"It's Jane."

I don't attempt to stop myself from recoiling, I look at her in disbelief.

"Okay, I'm sorry. Jane. But seriously, hear me out, please! You didn't hear the things she was just planning. The things she just said to her friends out there, you don't understand-"

"No, Y/n." She shot, cutting me off. "You don't understand me."

I gape at her, unable to fathom the person she has morphed into in so little time. I laugh dryly, looking at her distastefully.

"I guess you're right, Jane. I don't understand you. Not anymore. I came here to tell you that I'm leaving by the way, on my own choice. Not because I overheard them say they're going to get rid of me, so I won't be here when you wake up so no worries there. I'll even say hi to Mike when I get home. Goodnight," I spit, rolling over on my side my back facing her.

My words don't ease the bubbling anger in my chest and before incantations stop myself I feel it boil over.

"Some friend you are," I huff under breath.

I don't hear another word from her, all I hear is several huffs and the rustling of the sheets. Once again my head is buzzing, but rather than dwell on the angering thoughts, this time I allow sleep to take me.

⊹ ⊹ ⊹

I stir awake for what feels like the billionth time. And although I remember waking several times throughout the night, my stuff joints tell me I slept deeply. The details of last night come flooding back all too quickly and I sigh inwardly, my heart breaking all over again. Finally, I angle my wrist to glance at my watch, the time read six twenty-five. I might as well get moving. I remind myself of the words exchanged last night and that is enough to motivate me.

I slip out of bed, gracelessly but also noiseless and I'm quick to put on my shoes. Perks to sleeping in my new clothes, I didn't have to waste time getting dressed but I was awfully chilly. Thankfully my jacket managed to stay bone dry, and I am able to make sure all my actions are muted as to not draw attention. Thankfully, I hear limited signs of life throughout the warehouse apart from some occasional shuffling which I assume is from Mick, who always seems to be on the watch.

I plan my escape in my head when I realize, I needed money for the bus. My eyes flicker to El's sleeping form and down at her bag. With hushed steps, I reach the end of the bed and kneel down and carefully unzip it. My hand extends further into the bag, my eyes trained on El in case she wakes and I remind myself she planned on staying anyway. She'd have no use for bus money and sure enough, my fingers catch the dog eared corner of the paper.

My brows crease when I realize it's a lot thicker than I expected. I dig deeper, my other hand falling to prop open the stiff bag as I peer inside curiously and my fingers retract with something completely unexpected in my grip. Peculiarly enough, I find a manilla folder. I turn it over, and in an instant, I feel my mouth run dry when I see the three words etched out across the front in messing handwriting.

THE MISSING EXPERIMENT

It can't be. She wouldn't.

Numbly, I open the folder. Dozens of papers and news clippings spill out one by one and I look on in shock. Several species are annotated in pen, several notes have been taken by several different people and the feeling it leaves me with sickens me.

All my life I wondered where I came from, all my life I've been a giant question mark. So many loose threads, and unanswered questions and yet all these people had this information. By the looks of it, it's been passed down. And even El had it. My eyes find her once more but this time I look at her in disgust.

How could she keep this from me? This whole time, I'd been there to help her, and she said she was here to help me. Then why hide this?

My eyes fall back to the remaining sheets around me and I'm pulled in before I can stop. The first thing I note is an older looking file, it looks to be typed up and looks by far the oldest. It read,

Subject 009; UNTESTED

Date of Birth: TBD Sex: TBD Mother: Y/M/F/N Father: Unknown Attribute(s): increasing signs of abnormalities during pregnancy, affecting both mother and child such as drastic changes in temperature, signs of hypertension and hyperactivity. ADDITIONALLY, mother has recently begun showing signs of involuntary and unnatural physical resistance one can only describe as seismic bursts that we hypothesize is the fetus' defense mechanism.

My attention is ripped away when I hear scuffling from downstairs, and quickly I gather my thoughts. I force myself to shove this aside for a moment, and quickly I collect every stray piece of paper that had fallen within moments and return them to the folder. I thank anything and everything I can that my jacket has large inside pockets. Truthfully, the stitching ripped a few years back and expanded the length of the pocket, sure the folder would get a little bent but it would certainly do given I didn't have a bag.

I dig through El's bag once more and find the remaining money from last night's trip and I jump to my feet racing for the doorway. Out of habit, I turn to look at El one last time not knowing if I'll ever see her again. But once again, the anger quickly replaces my somber feelings and makes it easier to leave. Keeping an eye out on the other room, I slip over to the stairs.

Mick was in the other room across the hall taking watch just as I had suspected, so there was no one waiting downstairs when I flew down the steps. I race for the door and with one last glance, I'm out the door in record time.

Like I'd never been there. They surely wouldn't know the difference.

+++

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amyscascadingtabs · 5 years ago

Text

i’ll walk through hell with you

chapter 7. i’m gonna stand by you

read on ao3 here and read other chapter here!

the happy ending.

BONUS: i created fake social media posts for this! they’re here, look at them after or have them open in another window! you’ll get when it’s time - there are two instagram posts and a text conversation with rosa.

and when you decide, it’s your time to arrive

i’ve loved you for all of my life.

~ halsey, more

december.

Once Amy starts trusting that she is pregnant and the obsessive test-taking comes to an end, there’s the question of when to start telling people. There’s also the question of what to tell them.

“It just feels like I’m faking it,” she complains from the couch as she tries to write down ideas in her notebook. “It’s happy news, but it feels wrong to not even mention what we went through before getting here.”

“So tell people about it?” Jake shrugs, handing her the McFlurry she sent him out at ten p.m. to buy. “That's always an option.”

“I know, but how? How do I say hey, please be happy for us, but know that we went through hell to get here, without being overly dramatic or too personal?” She takes a spoon of the soft-serve, chewing on the mini smarties, and tries to stifle a moan when it feels like fireworks of pleasure are exploding in her mouth. “Oh my god, I love you.”

“Me or the ice cream? Never mind, shouldn't ask.”

“It's so good.”

“Can I try some?”

“You should have gotten your own.”

“You would have eaten that too,” he grins, taking his spot at one end of the couch and stretching his legs. “But I'm proud of you. McDonalds is at least an unhealthy craving. Grapes was just lame. You have the chance to eat whatever you want and blame it on pregnancy cravings, and you want grapes.”

She sticks out her tongue. “Screw you. Anyway - thoughts on a pregnancy reveal?”

“We make our own Die Hard-style short film with explosions and animations, the end slate says something like Peraltiago Baby number two, coming in June. Super badass.”

“Nope. We write everyone cards?”

“Lame and time-consuming. We have an announcement at work and one each with our families?”

“Maybe, but I still don’t know what to say.”

“We tell Leah and trust her to spread the news for us?”

“We definitely should tell her first, but counting on her to spread the news means they’re going to get twisted in some way. Remember when we went on vacation and she told all her teachers we were moving to Mexico?” Amy shakes her head. “It’s better if we say it ourselves. I don’t think I’m ready yet, though.”

“Okay,” Jake nods. “Let’s wait, then. Are you sure I can’t have any of that ice cream?”

“Not unless you want your hand chopped off.”

“Wow.”

Amy wishes they could hold off on telling people until she was sure she felt ready, but reality is quick to get in the way. The first-trimester nausea finally gets better around week thirteen, and suddenly the weight gain is a fact. She doesn’t mind it too much - she’s growing a human, all that matters is that they’re healthy - but it does make it increasingly difficult to hide. A size bigger uniform for work is easily solved and conceals the tiny bump rather well, but regular clothes are not as efficient. Her bras don't fit, her regular jeans won’t button, even the most flowy of shirts in her wardrobe seem to cling to the slightly rounded shape her stomach is taking. She’s running out of time.

With two days left until they're leaving to celebrate Christmas with the Santiagos, Amy realizes she has to give up. She's tried every possible outfit, considered whether she can just wear pajamas for the duration of the event, and very reluctantly accepted that it’s a bad idea. She's out of options. Both of her red dresses are too tight, she doesn't have any bras that work with anything sleeveless, and even the tasteful floral wrap dress she was hoping for manages to frame her bump in an obvious way. She tries on several blouses with a generous skirt, but it's still notable to the trained eye and her mom had eight kids. Amy’s screwed.

“This doesn't work,” she groans as she pulls off the blouse, throwing it on the growing no-pile. “I look stupid.”

“You look adorable,” Jake insists from his watching position on the bed. “I’d say go with the wrap dress.”

“It’s nice, but it shows off this.” She points demonstratively to her stomach, watching his eyes turn soft as he follows her hand. “This baby’s not hiding. I think we have to tell people.”

“Do you feel okay with that?”

She considers it for a moment. “I guess? I still don’t know what to say about the infertility stuff, but… I’ll figure that out.”

“It’s not like you have to make an official announcement, right? You could tell people privately, whenever you’re ready - if you want to.”

“That’s true. Maybe... it’s okay if we just enjoy these news?” She shrugs. “We are having another baby. That’s awesome. Seems fair for the world to know.”

Jake meets her tentative smile with a wide, goofy grin. “True that. So, how do we tell everyone? We’re not seeing the squad again until after Christmas.”

“We could take a cute picture with Leah and post it on social media? I know it’s cheesy, and a little impersonal, but it’s efficient and I can’t be bothered to plan an announcement.”

“I could totally work that Die Hard short film out -”

“No Die Hard.”

Jake grimaces. “Fine, fine. Your way, then. So, cute picture of Leah in a big sister-shirt?”

“Yeah, and she could be holding the latest sonogram pictures? And some short, sweet caption with that. We’ll think of something until tomorrow - that, and another thing.”

“What?”

“We have to tell her.”

Amy is, of course, overly prepared. She’s bought the pedagogical children’s books. She’s researched and taken notes on all the recommendations for how to manage the conversation and explain the matter in a way her three-year-old will understand. She’s made sure Leah’s not too tired, too hungry, or too grumpy for any other reason. Still, she’s never felt less prepared for a conversation with her kid, and she’s anxious as they take a break from playing with her toy dinosaurs - who either seem to run a bakery or catch criminals, or if it’s both, Amy can’t tell - to drink some water and subtly reveal the life-changing news.

Jake must pick up on her nervosity, because he’s the one to start the conversation.

“So, bumblebee,” he ruffles his daughter’s hair and laughs as she immediately pats it down again, “We’ve got something to tell you. A surprise, I guess.”

Leah shines up at the word surprise. “What?”

“Do you remember how miss Edwards at your daycare had a baby?” Amy tries to lead her on to the topic. “And her belly grew and got really big, and then she wasn’t at work for a while because she was at home taking care of the baby?”

Leah scrunches her forehead and pouts her lip in focus, but she nods.

“And you know how your cousin Maisie has a little brother, and Sarah and Samuel are getting a baby sibling soon?”

Another nod.

“Okay. Well, baby,” she says slowly, but her heart is beating fast. “You’re also getting a sibling.”

Leah looks around, as if the sibling in question would be hiding in her room somewhere.

“Oh, no, not today,” Amy adds, and the girl frowns.

“When?”

“This summer,” Jake fills in, “when it gets warm outside and you don’t have to wear a jacket anymore.”

“But where’s the baby now?”

“Right now the baby’s in here.” Amy pokes at the tiny bump, and Leah tilts her head as she tries to piece it all together. “It’s small, but it will grow, and then you can talk to it or feel it kick in there, if you want.”

“And when the baby comes out and grow bigger, they’re going to think you’re the coolest person ever and want to play with you all the time,” says Jake, catching Leah in his arms and tickling her neck so she giggles. “You two will have so much fun.”

“Like Anna and Elsa?”

“Well, we don’t know if it’s a sister or brother yet, but yeah. Like Anna and Elsa.”

“Okay!” Leah’s expression turns serious. “But I’m Elsa.”

Amy laughs. “Of course, baby, you can be Elsa.”

Leah accepts this, and insists they keep playing the dinosaur game which remains incomprehensible to everyone but her.

“I think that went pretty well,” Jake mumbles to Amy, and she nods, relieved.

“Dada?” Leah looks up from the dinosaurs.

“Yes, bee?”

“How did the baby get into mama’s tummy?”

Amy has never seen her husband look so uncomfortable before. His face goes from normal to beetroot in a matter of seconds as his eyes go wide, and she’s trying not to explode with laughter as she looks from Jake’s mortified expression to Leah’s curious eyes.

“We’ll read a book about that later,” Amy assures her daughter while Jake mumbles something about a very important call from the Captain as he looks at his blank phone screen and hurries out of the room. “I promise.”

Leah doesn’t seem particularly interested in changing from her Frozen-shirt or taking pictures with the sonogram print-outs she claims looks like a fish, mama, but then Jake promises her ice cream for dessert if she does and it’s a done deal. She tires after thirty seconds and she refuses to hold the pictures in any other way than in front of her face, but they get the shot and it’s good enough. It has to be, because only a minute later, their three-year-old has thrown off the sweatshirt and changed back into her t-shirt.

Amy types up the caption, presses share, and puts her phone in front of them on the kitchen table.

“Now we wait for Charles to call and yell at us for keeping this from him,” she states, and Jake snorts. “I’m betting four minutes.”

“I’m going to go with three.”

It takes one and a half.

It’s a great Christmas.

Sure, everyone is asking the same questions and she explains over and over that she’s feeling okay, better now that she’s in her second trimester, she doesn’t have any intuition as to what they’re having but Jake’s claiming it’s a boy, they’re excited, and they’re pretty sure Leah is, too. She clenches her fists underneath the table when her mom mentions how wonderful it is with a big family, how lovely it is that Amy and Jake finally decided to expand theirs, and she can see Jake do the same as he gets ready to defend her - their - honor, but she shakes her head and changes the topic before he has a chance.

She doesn’t want to be upset today.

There’s no point to being angry with her family all around. Not when Julian high-fives her and tells her good for her she keeps reproducing with those Peralta genes, not when Christian gives them actual useful tips on how to adjust from one to two kids. There’s no point in being upset when her brothers wives all tell her she can borrow maternity wear if she wants, or when Jake makes note of the mistletoe above their heads and kisses her so long and reverent that both Tony and Simon start wolf-whistling. There’s no point to being sad when Leah pulls at the edge of Amy’s dress, asking to go up, up, and Luis takes a picture of Amy and Jake kissing their daughter’s cheeks under the mistletoe.

She’s just happy.

She feels quick little flutters in her stomach throughout the day, a feeling she vaguely recognizes from the first times she felt Leah move inside her. They’re gone before she has the chance to lay a hand there, but she feels them.

Leah insists on sleeping in her parent’s shared bed that night, and even though it’s barely a queen-size and they’re all forced to huddle together with the three-year-old somehow taking up the most space, they give in. Jake and Leah both fall asleep in what seems like seconds, and Amy wants to join them, but her brain refuses. It’s not that she’s feeling anxious - her heart is so full from today, made fuller by her daughter’s face pressing into her shoulder and Jake’s hand reaching across her so he can rest it on the little bump - but there are some things she can’t stop thinking about.

Her mom’s comment about them finally deciding to expand their family, for example. All the congratulatory wishes streaming in after the picture - even Holt messaged them to give his well-wishes - that she can't fully take to heart, because no one sending them knows what she's gone through. She thinks of the shame and disappointment she’s felt throughout this year, of how much it would have hurt her to see a sweet announcement like this from someone else when she’d just had a miscarriage or another negative test. She wants to be honest - not just for her own sake, but also for the sake of a possible acquaintance out there who could be going through the same thing, feeling equally as alone in it as she did.

Amy grabs her phone from the nightstand, smiling at the mistletoe picture she's made her background, and tries out a few captions in the Notes app before settling on one.

She turns off the comments before anyone can react, not feeling like she needs anyone’s thoughts on this, and she's about to put her phone away again when she sees a single text from Rosa.

Proud of you.

Amy smiles.

She's just about to fall asleep when she feels the brief flutters again. This time, they don’t disappear right away, but repeat until she's certain of what they are.

She can't feel them from the outside yet, but she rests her hand below Jake's anyway, letting the reason behind the flutters know she's there.

“Hey there,” she whispers, lightly tapping her fingers against her abdomen. “Merry Christmas to you too, baby.”

The next little movement is right below her fingertips, and this time she can't stop herself from tearing up with joy.

february.

Everyone’s convinced Jake and Amy are having a boy. Jake claims he can feel it, and Amy believes him. She’s a Santiago, and two girls in a row are more or less unheard of in her family. Charles claims he can tell because of the position of her uterus, which grosses everyone out, but a vote is a vote. Rosa’s saying boy, as is Terry, as is Gina, as are all of Amy’s brothers and her parents. Karen Peralta invites them for dinner and talks for at least twenty minutes about how excited she is to have a grandson before Jake dutifully reminds her they don’t know the sex yet, and she waves it away and says she thought it was obvious.

The only person who doesn’t believe they’re having a boy is Leah. From the first time anyone asks, the three-year-old declares with absolute certainty that she’s having a sister, and doesn’t change her mind. Amy’s nervous about how they’ll manage the inevitable disappointment and tries to write down a pedagogical conversation plan in her head as they go for the anatomy scan, but she ends up never having to use it. It turns out Leah’s correct.

“So you’re going to be just like Anna and Elsa,” Jake tells her as he’s putting her to bed that evening. Amy’s secretly listening in on their conversation through the baby monitor - modern technology is the best. “How does that make you feel?”

She can see Leah holding up her hand on the little screen, doing what she thinks must be a thumbs up. Then her tone turns serious again.

“Dada, how did the baby get inside the tummy?”

“Uhm, didn’t you and mama read that book about it?”

“Tell it again,” Leah insists.

“Okay, okay. Cool, cool, cool. This is cool, Jake, you can handle this,” Amy hears her husband mumble to himself.

“What?”

“Nothing, bee, here we go. So, sometimes, when two people who are adults and love each other a lot, they decide they want to try and make a baby. So they take a part - cells, you remember? From both of them, and those, well, stick together? I guess. And sometimes that becomes a little baby that grows inside a mom’s tummy until it’s big and ready to come out.”

It’s pretty much an accurate description. Amy’s proud of him, but Leah doesn’t seem satisfied.

“But how do they take it?”

“You’ll learn about that when you’re older, bumblebee.”

“Like algebra?”

“Who told you about algebra?”

“Grandpa Holt.”

“That tracks. Ehrm, sure. Like… algebra.” Amy can see him grimace from a distance on the screen. “We’ll go with that. Anyway - all you need to know is that everytime it works, it’s a miracle. You were our first miracle.”

“Miracle,” Leah repeats, yawning. “Dada, can you sing now?”

Amy hears Jake take a deep breath of relief before he begins to sing the Tangled soundtrack.

“I’ll give it to you,” she tells him when he slinks into their bedroom ten minutes later, red in the face when she points to the baby monitor and he realizes she's been listening. “That was impressive.”

“You owe me big time,” he groans, slumping down on the mattress next to her, and she chuckles and kisses his forehead.

“Algebra, huh? Could you replace my X without asking Y?”

“If you had used that pick-up line on me, I literally never would have slept with you.”

april.

Leah's feelings about becoming a big sister are fluctuating to say the least. Some days, she'll ask how the baby is doing and press her hands to the ever growing bump, laughing when she's able to feel a kick. Some days she doesn't want to talk about it at all, and they make sure not to force it on her. Some days - and those days are the ones that break Amy's heart - she's angry, shutting Amy out and wanting only Jake to take care of her because she's not sure how to handle the fact that her mom looks different and is tired and can't pick her up like she used to. It's after one of those days Amy has her first breakdown about feeling like she's not enough for two kids, that she was stupid to think she ever could be, and maybe this was a bad idea. She cries under a blanket as Jake puts Leah to bed because Amy wasn't allowed to, and there's a series of soft kicks like her baby’s trying to comfort her, but it only serves to make her more out of breath. Her eyes are all puffy and red when the door to Leah's bedroom opens and the girl peeks out, giving her a cautious look before tiptoeing out to the couch, climbing into her mother's arms and burying her face in her chest.

“I don't want to be a big sister,” Leah confesses in a quiet voice. “I want to be little, too.”

“You're always going to be my little baby,” Amy promises her in full honesty then, hugging the girl as close as she can. “Forever.”

Other days, it's easier. They try to keep her involved as much as she wants to, letting her choose what outfit they’re bringing in the hospital bag and asking her opinion on where she thinks the crib should be. The girl definitely has an interesting taste in baby fashion and Amy ends up vetoing the suggestion that her little sister should go home from the hospital in a baby Santa suit, but as long as Leah feels she's been part of the decision-making, it’s good. One night, they go through photo albums of what she looked like when she was a baby, making the three-year-old proudly exclaim that she was so cute.

“You really were,” Jake agrees, catching her in his arms and tickling her. “You think your baby sibling will be as cute as you were?”

Leah just shakes her head at that, making them all laugh.

“Well, she sure is confident,” says Jake when he returns from putting her to bed, finding Amy still looking through the albums. “Crazy to think she used to be that tiny.”

“Even crazier to think we'll have another one that little, and one day they’ll be a three-year-old, too.” She lightly strokes the top of her bump, feeling a sharp kick way too close to her ribs.

“So many levels of crazy.” Jake shakes his head in bewilderment. “I wonder when you get used to the thought.”

“Never?” Amy shrugs. “Sometimes I still think this is a dream.” There’s another strong kick at that, making her flinch. “Oof. Fine, very real dream.”

It takes her a while to fall asleep that night, with her thoughts and a wildly moving baby helping to keep her awake for longer than she’d prefer. She thinks of how they’re nearing a year since they started fertility treatments, when she fought through the needles and bloating and hormonal chaos because she was praying for something to finally work, and she wonders what her reaction would have been if someone had told her about what she’d go through in the next months.

The events of their struggle to have another baby and her eventual spontaneous pregnancy feel entirely separate in her head, two roads not intersecting. She’s still bitter over their struggle, still wishing she could have saved her energy and frustration, still trying to forget it more days than not. The infinite gratitude she feels over the fact that they are having another child hasn’t erased those memories. It’s mitigated the pain, made the flashbacks much less frequent and helped her towards acceptance, but Amy knows part of her will always remember.

In an odd sense, she’s happy about it. It reminds her it was never a guarantee.

may.

The cat plans have been put on pause indefinitely, but it doesn’t keep Jake from bringing the topic up. One day, he’s coming home with onesies that have patterns with cats on them or a stuffed animal that looks like one, one day he’s leaving web pages with sources for why it’s good for kids to grow up with cats open on her computer, and another day, he’s coming with new name suggestions from what seems to be out of nowhere.

��“So for baby names, I was originally thinking Benjamin, but since that’s no longer on the table, I’m down to Meredith and Olivia.”

“That’s a weird combination of names,” Amy huffs. Jake looks the other way, tapping his feet against the floor and whistling in a way that’s probably supposed to come off innocent, but only succeeds in making his behaviour look more conspicuous. “They’re a reference to something, aren’t they?”

“Why would you say that?” Jake snorts. “That’s crazy!” His laugh is overly loud, and she shoots him a warning glare that shuts him up in a second. She’s nearly nine months pregnant now, so her don’t fuck with me-looks are pretty scary at this point.

“Tell me what they are, Jake. I know they’re not Die Hard-characters, and they’re not from Harry Potter or Ninja Turtles, so I’m going to make an assumption and say they’ve got some kind of relation to Taylor Swift.”

“Well, that depends on how you define relation -”

“Jake.”

“Fine, they’re her cats. But they’re nice names!” He wags his index finger in front of her, a childish grin on his face. “They work for humans!”

“Let the cat thing go, babe.”

“Nuh-uh, never.” He leans down, putting his face as close as possible to her bump. “Hey, kick once if you want us to get a cat ASAP.”

It takes a couple of seconds, and Amy almost thinks she’s won, but then Jake puts his hand on her shirt and instantly there’s a kick aimed against it.

“Traitor,” she mutters to the child still trying to play football with her ribs. “I’m the one growing you, you’re supposed to side with me.”

The cat conversation might be able to wait - Jake reluctantly accepts that a three-year-old, a newborn and a kitten would be a little much to take on at one time - but the name conversation’s more urgent. They’re having a baby in a month, maybe less, and even though Amy thinks it feels like forever as she waddles around with swollen ankles, unable to see her feet anymore, she knows it’s not. They need to make a decision.

“This is hopeless,” Jake groans as they look at their handwritten lists one night. They've each written down ten names, then switched with each other and crossed over ones they disliked, leaving them with exactly zero names. “How did we even decide on Leah’s name?”

“Technically, we decided on Leo as in Leonardo like Ninja Turtles, the painter and the actor, and then we found out we were having a girl and Leo became Leah.”

“I know why, I just don't know how. You said no to all of these!” He points at a scratched-out name on the list. “What's wrong with Luna?”

“Sounds too much like Leah.”

“And Abigail?”

“Too different.”

“Meredith?”

“You’ve got to let go of the obsession with Taylor Swift’s cats, man.” Amy massages her temples. “And too Grey’s Anatomy.”

“Fine. What about Olivia, then? Come on,” he says when he sees her pressing her lips together, “no one will know that’s where it’s from. It’s a cute, normal, human name. It’ll work with both our surnames and it goes well with Leah without sounding exactly like it.”

“I don’t know…”

“If we use Liv for a nickname, they’ll be Lee and Liv, which both sounds kinda badass and kinda adorable.” Jake tilts his head to the side, giving her the puppy eyes she swears were passed down straight to their first-born daughter.

He doesn’t entirely convince her, because she doesn’t want to give in to her principle about no Taylor Swift-related names, but she doesn’t hate the sound of Leah and Olivia. Really, the more she thinks about it, the more natural it sounds. She’s not giving him that satisfaction, though, so she tries to hide the smile on her face as she takes his list and writes down OLIVIA below the scratched-out names.

“This doesn’t mean I’m agreeing,” she warns him when his face lights up in excitement. “It just means I’m considering it.”

“Oh no, you’re definitely agreeing. Just like you will with the cat,” he grins, proud of himself, and she lets him have it for about three seconds before she whacks him in the shoulder.

(One evening - almost a year later - when they’re about to move into a bigger house with a garden, and their youngest daughter has started taking her first unsteady steps, Amy does agree to the cat. It’s a moment of weakness, she argues, but she never truly ends up regretting it.)

june.

Since Leah was born a timely two weeks before her due date, Amy’s hoping for the same thing to happen again. Everything is ready as can be for the arrival of their next family member, and they're just waiting, going day out and day in hoping today will be the day, but nothing’s happening. Leah asks every morning when she wakes up if today’s the baby’s birthday, and she gets equally disappointed each time they tell her they don't know yet. She also keeps asking about when she'll get to have her sleepover at uncle Charles’, which seems more of interest to her than the actual event of becoming a big sister, and she gets more and more upset for every day they have to tell her not tonight.

Amy enters her fortieth week of pregnancy, which is the most pregnant she's ever been, and time seems to move impossibly slower. She's swollen, achy, and tired, ready for this to be over and labor to start, but their baby seems to be enjoying herself in there, because the due date comes and goes without a single contraction. No more painful Braxton-Hicks than regular, no water leakage, no nothing. When the clock passes midnight on June 23rd and Amy’s officially past her due date, she’s getting seriously frustrated.

“This baby has to get out,” she complains as Jake rubs her feet that evening. Sometimes she’s pretty sure he’s an actual angel, but also, it’s what she deserves right now. “Starting tomorrow, I'm trying all of the tricks.”

“Or you wait a few days longer? You know she’ll be born eventually.”

“Nope. I need her out of me,” she says, feeling in the exact same moment how the kid’s trying to stretch out from her curled-up position, pushing her feet to Amy’s ribs and her head somewhere seriously uncomfortable, and Amy curses in pain. “Come on, kiddo. You’re clearly uncomfortable too. Don’t wait it out.”

She gets another kick in the ribs for that.

A quick Google search informs her there are many at-home methods available to try and kickstart labor, so she starts with the least terrible ones and works her way up. Sex isn’t bad, but it’s also sweaty and impractical and has no effect whatsoever. Walking is boring and makes her feet swell up like crazy. Jake suggests they go to her favorite bookshop in New York so she can walk around there and have an awesome story to tell if labor were to start in Strand’s Bookstore, but the only thing that happens is people give her sympathetic looks and she nearly cries when a book she wants to look at is on one of the lower shelves. The spicy Chipotle takeout they bring home just gives her heartburn. Pineapple makes her tongue hurt. The raspberry leaf tea tastes like chewing on grass. She saves the castor oil for last, wanting to avoid the distasteful liquid at all costs, but even that has little to no effect and Amy’s furious. On top of it all, Jake can’t stop laughing at her as she waddles around their apartment all grumpy and uncomfortable, and his laughter makes her even angrier.

(Leah just says Amy looks like a couch. That isn’t much better of a self-confidence boost, but it does, at least, make her laugh.)

When Amy’s three days past her due date with no changes, Leah decides she can’t take the anticipation anymore and throws a full-on tantrum. It takes them nearly ten minutes to figure out that the three-year-old’s not crying because she wants the baby to come out, but because the sleepover she’s going to have when her parents are at the hospital is never happening. They try to comfort her with promises of Disney movies and ice cream at home instead, but it doesn’t work, so they give up and call Charles to see if she can stay there an extra night. Charles also cries, because unfortunately, Nikolaj has gotten a stomach bug making them unsuitable for babysitting. After a moment’s consideration and consultation with their still-sobbing daughter, they call Rosa instead, and Rosa’s confused but accepts the request.

“And you're sure you know how to take care of kids for a whole night?” Jake asks when their friend stops by to pick up Leah, who is hyped to hang out with her aunt Rosa for an evening, and drags her into her room to show all her dinosaur toys the moment she steps inside the apartment.

“I assume there's instructions,” Rosa nods to the thick babysitting binder Amy's holding. “And I’ve taken care of my nieces. I’m pretty sure I can keep her alive for a while.”

“Solid. She eats pasta and she's supposed to go bed at seven, but that usually never works, so don't get too stressed about it.”

“Great.”

“Brush her teeth before she goes to sleep and don't let her backflip off the bed,” Amy adds. “There’s lots of information in the binder and we’re a phone call away if there's any issues.”

“Send us pictures if Jocelyn braids her hair!”

“Send us pictures anyway. Please update us.”

“Got it,” says Rosa and lifts up Leah on her shoulders, making the girl scream with laughter. “Pictures, pasta, no backflips. We’ll be fine. You guys enjoy your last night alone in forever,” she grins, pointing to Amy’s baby bump. “Text me if you go into labor.”

“I wish,” Amy groans, and then they’re the overly emotional parents who kiss and hug their oldest daughter goodbye until she begs them to stop.

Rosa leaves with Leah, and the apartment turns the peaceful but unnatural kind of calm they rarely experience at daytime anymore. She guesses it will be but a memory once their second baby finally arrives, but for now, she turns to Jake and asks,

“Wanna have a date night?”

And so they do.

Their last night on their own before life with two kids is gentle and undramatic - a shared bath, a takeout dinner in front of a Harry Potter movie they’ve seen a hundred times before, cuddling and chatting on the couch before going to bed at midnight with hope of a night’s undisturbed sleep.

Nine years they’ve done this, she thinks as he kisses her, and then the bump for good measure, goodnight. Nine, crazy, ever-changing years that have turned their lives upside down more times than she can count, and every day, she wakes up grateful that it’s him she gets to do this with.

It takes her upwards an hour to fall asleep. First she has to pee, then she can’t find a comfortable position, then her back is hurting and Jake has to get her heating pad. When she finally sinks into a dreamless unconsciousness, Amy’s so tired it feels like she could sleep for days.

She sleeps for an hour.

It feels like it’s only been seconds before a dull ache in her lower back and stomach wakes her up, mild at first but increasing steadily, reaching a truly painful point and then ceasing.

Weird, she thinks, and tries to fall back asleep. She’s too tired. She just wants to sleep. Whatever’s going on can surely wait until tomorrow.

A few minutes later, the same pain appears, a little stronger this time. She opens her eyes to glance at the alarm clock - 2.04 in the morning - and shifts her position in hope for that to help, but it doesn’t.

The next time it returns, her clock says 2.08. This time it’s real painful, worse than any Braxton-Hicks she’s felt before this, and it feels a lot, too much, like how she remembers the real deal from when she was in labor with Leah.

2.11, the same sensation appears again, lasting for a full minute and forcing her to breathe real deep to manage the pain. Her belly’s going rock hard for the entire time it’s lasting, too. Definitely suspicious, but she’s still too tired to reflect over it.

2.14, it happens yet another time.

Nope, is the only thought Amy can think when she realizes how close together they’re coming. Nope, nope, nope. She’s way too exhausted. She can have a baby in the morning, when she’s slept, and she’s not a fan of the idea of doing anything before then. This isn’t happening, she tries to convey to her body. This can wait until tomorrow.

2.17. This time, she can’t be still. She tries to find a comfortable position in their bed, but it doesn’t work, she needs to lean against something for support. She slides down to the floor and puts her crossed arms on the mattress, placing her head down and lightly swaying with the rest of her body as she breathes, breathes, breathes through the wave.

2.20. Another one. Amy’s fuming; she’s not having this right now, she’s tired, and no matter how badly she wants to meet this baby, she really wants to sleep before she does.

2.23, the same thing happens again.

2.26. She tries to muffle her groan in a pillow when it’s impossible to be silent. The pain is nearing what feels like an unmanageable point, and she hears Jake stirring awake at the other edge of the bed.

“Ames? What’s happening?”

“Nothing,” she says too quickly in an exhale. “Nothing’s happening.”

“Okay,” he replies in a skeptical tone, stretching himself over the bed and looking her in the eyes. “So you’re just doing that for fun, then?”

She doesn’t reply, but she's hyper-aware of him watching her scrunching her face in god-awful pain when the next contraction hits.

“Babe,” Jake asks, giving her a look of mixed worry and entertainment when it's over, “how many times has that happened?”

“Ten,” she hisses. “It’s fine. They’ll stop. I want to go back to sleep.”

“And how close together are they?”

“Three minutes. Two.”

His eyes widen with fear.

“No.” She shakes her head. “I need to sleep. This baby waited this long, it can wait until the morning.”

“I really don’t think that’s how it works.”

“It should be.”

Jake laughs nervously, stroking her hair. “Sure, but - maybe we should really, definitely, go to the hospital?”

“No, I want to go back to sleep.”

“How exactly do you plan on doing that?”

“I don't know.”

“You know, if we go to the hospital, you could have the epidural like you did last time. Then you could probably sleep for a while.”

She stares him down. “Promise me.”

“Uh, sure. Promise.”

“Okay. Let's go. But only for the epidural,” she declares, and then another torturous contraction forces her to shut up.

A quick call to their doctor confirms they should be going in immediately if contractions are that close together, so Jake is rushing, running around the apartment like a chicken with its head cut off as he packs the final things for their bags. Amy tries to help, but she's pretty useless, because every two minutes she has to lean against the nearest piece of furniture and rock slowly from side to side until the pain subsides. She's not sure how she gets in the car, because each contraction makes her feel like everything else blurs and she can't think, can't speak, can't do anything but try her best to breathe and not faint when the pain radiates through her lower back and core, intense and demanding and so much worse than she remembered.

Only a year ago, she remembers as Jake squeezes her hand and tells her he loves her, they’d been sitting in this same front seat as she cried and cried after finding out their first IVF transfer didn't take. It feels like a lifetime ago, and at the same time, like yesterday. She wonders if she could have predicted this back then, and figures probably not.

“We're having a baby,” she whispers to Jake in a break between contractions, and he smiles so wide she thinks his face is going to break. “You ready?”

“So ready. You?”

“To meet her? Yeah. To give birth? Not really.”

“You're gonna kill it,” he tells her, and there's another contraction just then so she can't reply, only grit her teeth and squeeze his wrist really hard. “You're already killing it.”

“I really can't wait for that epidural,” she mutters through the pain, and Jake just laughs.

Amy's not sure how she gets through the twenty-minute car ride. It's absolute hell, because she can't move in any way, can't do anything except keep breathing and keep holding on to the thought of the pain relief she's going to get once they get to the hospital. She wonders why people willingly choose to put themselves through this without any drugs. She sure as hell isn't going to, not after having learnt the difference last time.

Jake gets them parked and grabs their bags as Amy maneuvers herself out of the car. She manages just in time, closing the door in the same second as there’s a sudden warmth down her thighs and she almost wonders if she’s peed herself before realising what’s happening.

“Water,” she tries to communicate to Jake, and he digs up a pink water bottle from her bag before noticing her wet leggings.

“Oh. That kind of water. Well, at least you didn’t get any on the seat? Very considerate.”

She just glares at him.

Amy guesses it’s meant to be something like a five-minute walk through the corridors, but when she has to stop every other minute for the contractions that seem to have increased fivefold in strength, bringing with them an uncomfortable pressure that she really does not like, it’s probably closer to twenty minutes before they can be guided into their room.

Their doctor - the same one she had for her first labor, an older woman with dark hair and a comforting smile who perfectly meets Amy’s rock-hard criteria for professional but nice - does a quick examination, which Amy can barely feel in comparison to how much pain she’s in by now, and then she laughs.

“Yeah, you’re having a baby tonight alright. Good job getting here in time,” she nods to Jake, who looks unsure if he should accept the compliment or freak out over the possibility of not having gotten there.

“Great,” Amy huffs. “So can I get the epidural? Because I want it now. Please.”

“Oh no,” Dr. Cowan laughs. “You’re eight centimetres dilated and this seems to be progressing quickly. My guess is you’ll be pushing in half an hour, so I’m sorry, but there’s no time for that.”

“What?”

“You could have the laughing gas, if you’d like, but anything else will just slow labor down.”

“You promised,” Amy hisses towards Jake, and he holds up his hands.

“I’m pretty sure this isn’t my fault.”

“You promised!”

“What are we fighting about here?”

“I don’t know,” she confesses, and then another brutal contraction washes over her, together with the realization that she’s going to have to do the rest of this unmedicated.

She’s not happy about it.

Really, Amy's not sure how she gets through it.

To say that it's bad is an understatement; it's excruciating, some kind of evil torture she genuinely can’t believe humans were made to be able to handle, agonizing to a point where she's nearly hoping it will render her unconscious because that means she wouldn't have to take it anymore. She tries the laughing gas, but it just makes her feel dizzy and out of control, so she powers through without it. Jake tries to tell her she's crushing it, that she's badass and strong and doing amazing, but she can't waste any focus listening and eventually she tells him - not very gently - to shut the fuck up. It makes her feel kind of bad, because she knows he’s trying to be supportive, but at the same time, she really couldn't care less about his feelings because she's pretty sure she's going to die every time the pain increases.

But somehow, she survives.

One good thing - and it's not even good, it's more like a band-aid on a gaping chest wound in comparison - about no epidural is that she's free to move around, trying different positions in hope for something to ease the pain. Nothing does, but some ways give her a little bit more power, a little more control over what's happening. Amy supposes it's worth something. She does love control, even if she’d trade it in a heartbeat for some sweet, sweet pain relief. She ends up standing sort of on her hands and knees on the bed, getting some help from gravity, and it feels like the last bit stretches on forever but later on she’ll learn it was really fast. It's scary, a surrealistic thing to feel how her body just takes over, like it knows how to do something her head definitely doesn't.

And then, right as she’s certain she's not going to make it even another second, it's over.

There’s a moment of petrifying fear that something's wrong, that her baby’s about to be taken away like Leah was for the first traumatic minutes of her life, but then she hears a sharp, gurgling cry and she's not sure what’s happening but suddenly there’s a baby on her chest and everything is so, so, right.

Her daughter's kind of purple still, a little slimy and a little bloody and completely perfect, and Amy's shaking with a mix of shock, adrenaline and tears as the newborn puts her tiny hand high up on Amy's chest and she can't help but grip it, whispering a gentle hi, baby, hi, as the child squeaks in return.

She's imagined the sensation of holding her just-born baby in her arms since the first day she started thinking of having another kid, and yet all the fantasies pale in comparison to the explosive, unyielding love she feels when the newborn opens her eyes, gazing carefully at the world for the very first time.

“You know what time it is?” Jake asks her once when they’ve been moved to the recovery room, trying to fathom what just happened. “It’s five-thirty. She was born at four-thirty. When did you say you woke up?”

“Two a.m.,” Amy mumbles, and he shakes his head.

“So you did that in, what, two and a half hours? Man, you’re insane.”

“Thanks.” She chuckles, stroking her fingers over the thick, dark hair that appears to be a dominant trait for Santiago-Peralta children. Their newborn daughter is blinking at them as she tries to figure out the whole breastfeeding thing, seeming pretty exhausted from the events of the morning but not really wanting to sleep, either. “It was awful.”

“But worth it?”

“Yeah,” Amy nods without tearing her eyes away from their hour-old miracle. “Worth it. I’m not doing it again, though.”

Jake grins and kisses the top of the newborn’s head. “Very fair. I mean, we literally have the two most perfect kids the world has ever seen, so it’s not like you have to.”

“She really is perfect, huh?”

“For sure. You really are,” he whispers to their baby, running his thumb over her round cheeks and tiny nose. “Just like your sister.”

“Leah,” Amy bursts out, sitting up a little straighter and instantly regretting it because she’s sore and ungracious in every way. “We need to tell her! We never even told anyone we were going in! Fuck, I gotta text Rosa. Can you get me my phone?”

Jake brings it to her, and Amy carefully transfers their daughter over to his chest so she can have her arms free. The newborn whimpers at first, not too happy about the move, but then Jake softly pats her back through the pink and blue hospital blanket and lets her grip onto his thumb with her fist, and she’s at peace again. Her little head snuggles into his chest as she relaxes, and Amy just watches, barely making an attempt at wiping away the happy tears.

It’s been an obvious feeling to her, to hold her children for the first time and know that they are hers in some miraculous way, that they were part of her - but it’s another unique and indescribable feeling to watch Jake hold them and know they are his just as much, always safe and loved in his presence. Although she could never have predicted the sensation, she’s always had an inkling of it - a deep conviction and a ceaseless, rightful confidence that he would make the greatest dad. It keeps being proven correct.

“I forgot how small they are,” he mumbles, and there are tears in his eyes, too.

“She’s like a pound and a half bigger than Leah was.”

“Doesn’t feel like it. Do you think they look the same?”

“A little?” Amy tilts her head. “Same hair, same nose. But so different, too.”

“I think she looks a lot more like you than Lee did,” Jake smiles, stroking the little fist holding onto his thumb before kissing it. “I’m fine with that. You look like your mom, kid. Oh, don’t look so upset,” he says when the newborn scrunches her face together, “it’s a great way to look. Would you rather have my nose? Yeah, right. I didn't think so.”

Amy laughs, letting them continue their exchange as she snaps a picture of them and then sends that and another one of the first baby pictures to Rosa.

Rosa’s reply is as instant as it is shocked. She congratulates them, tells Amy she's crazy, promises them they can talk to Leah once she wakes up and even offers to drive her there later in the afternoon “if it means she'll beat Charles to meeting this baby”.

Amy figures she should probably text more people to spread the news, but the important thing is Leah knows, or at least will know, so she puts her phone on the side table and turns back to Jake.

“Rosa’s going to call us when Leah’s awake,” she says, unable to keep herself from leaning over and kissing their baby’s cheeks when she squeaks a little again.

“Great. You want to get some sleep before?”

“Oh, so bad.” Her exhaustion faded away somewhat in the chaos, pure adrenaline and a cascade of hormones keeping her awake, but it's catching up with her now. “Promise you two are good?”

“Olivia and I are great,” he promises, and his smile and their daughter’s softly blinking eyes makes her certain he’s right. “You agreed to that name, right?”

“One condition.” Amy yawns. “You are never allowed to tell her she’s named after a cat. Ever.”

She thinks she can hear him mumbling something about not making promises he won’t be able to keep, but she’s falling asleep before she can protest.

Leah’s and Olivia’s first meeting doesn’t start out great.

Amy’s trying to be methodical and gentle, making sure Olivia’s in her bassinet and she can have both arms free to hug her three-year-old, but then the infant starts wailing the moment Leah enters the room and she gets terrified, immediately trying to run out with tears streaming down her cheeks. Jake has to chase after her while Amy tends to Olivia, who’s decided she needs to eat right this second and not a moment later, except she’s literally ten hours old and not very good at nursing just yet, which only serves to increase her frustration before she calms down enough to figure it out. When she does and Amy can take a deep breath, Jake and Leah return. Leah’s calmed down a little, but she’s still red under the eyes and skeptical to even say hi to her mom and her sister. Amy’s heartbroken as the girl wraps her arms tighter around Jake and turns her head away, and there’s a second where she wonders briefly again why she thought this was a good idea.

But then, Jake asks if Leah wants to see the gift Olivia brought her - a nifty trick Amy found on some Instagram account - and the three-year-old squeals with happiness as she unwraps a singing Elsa doll, and it’s upwards from there. She dares to climb into the hospital bed and first look at the baby, then carefully pat her head, then laugh as Olivia finishes nursing and makes another squeaking noise. Amy figures Leah won’t want to hold her sister at first, but once she’s told them all about her sleepover with Rosa - it seems to have included gymnastics, a Disney movie and cake - she’s looking at the baby with a little more interest, and then she asks the question all on her own.

“Can I hold her?”

They put a pillow in her lap and a pillow behind her back for support, and Jake holds his hand under Olivia’s head throughout, but they let her. It’s the best thing Amy’s ever seen in her life. Just when she thinks it can't get better than this, Leah leans her head down so her cheek is touching her little sister's, and Amy has no way of stopping her happy tears.

She’d never thought people were lying, per se, when they’d described how your love just doubles when you have another child. She’d been certain she would love another baby just as much. It had been part of the reason she fought so hard to have one, but she realizes now that she was never even close to understanding the full meaning of double the love. The power with which she loves Leah has grown exponentially for every day, reaching infinity and still becoming stronger, and today, it's like her love for Olivia has clocked in at the same level, stretched out a hand and increased in tandem with the love for her sister. Amy wonders how it makes sense, how it’s possible for a heart to grow that big, but she's accepted that it’s one of many questions about motherhood she’ll never know the answer too.

Instead, she just makes sure she takes a series of pictures to document the moment, and then she meets Jake's eyes for a second to mouth a silent I love you.

They get to go home the next afternoon. Amy was expecting it to feel more natural with their second child, less like they’ve stolen someone else’s baby and is pretending to know what they’re doing, but it feels just as absurd as the first time when they secure her in the car seat and carry her outside.

The sun seems to be shining particularly bright as they drive, but Olivia sleeps for the whole way home.

She does not, however, continue with that for the rest of the day. Rather, she wants to eat for most of it. Which is fine; Amy knows and remembers that’s what it’s like at first. Still, it’s exhausting and far from painless while they’re both trying to figure it out, and it keeps her stuck to her corner of the couch for hours on end. This gets Leah jealous, making her throw a tantrum because she wants Amy to play with her in her room and she can’t, and there's a moment where everyone except Jake is crying at the same time before Leah calms down and accepts the suggestion of everyone watching a movie on the couch and ordering pizza for dinner. Partly to celebrate, partly because no one has the energy to cook.

There's going to be an adjustment period for them all, Amy figures. She’s certain it will come with a cavalcade of challenges, but as Leah insists on being Jake's helper as he changes a diaper and shines with pride as she hands him too many wet wipes and picks out Olivia's pajamas, she can already tell it's going to be more than worth it.

When it’s time for Leah to go to bed, she claims she wants everyone there to read stories. Amy asks, just to make sure, if that means her sister too, and Leah nods. She’s very intent on storytime taking place in her bed, though, and so Amy ends up squeezing herself to fit in the toddler bed with Olivia on her chest and Leah on her side. Jake has to sit on the floor.

“This is unfair,” he grumbles, and Leah laughs and snuggles closer to her mom, pressing a kiss to her baby sister’s head.

“Read the story, dada.”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m on it.”

They read two different stories, both of them yawning through the second one. Amy’s pretty sure Leah’s about to fall asleep, can feel the little arm draped across her stomach going heavier, more relaxed, but as Jake closes the covers to the second book, there’s a whisper.

“Another book,” it comes out in a yawn, and Jake laughs.

“Are you sure, bumblebee? I think you’re getting pretty tired.”

“No.” Leah shakes her head. “More stories.”

“Fine.” He presses a kiss to her forehead. “One more. Just for tonight.”

He begins to read, and a few minutes later, Leah’s sleeping. She has her mouth open, one arm still resting on Amy as if to hold her in place, her other arm hugging the stuffed lion animal she still sleeps with.

She seems so big in comparison to her little sister, yet so innocent and peaceful as she’s sleeping, and entirely magical to watch. Every day, Amy thanks her lucky stars that she gets to watch this child grow up and take on the world, and it blows her mind to think she’ll get to do the same with the baby curled up on her chest. It seems so far away to picture this tiny infant growing up and becoming her own unique individual, too, but she knows it will happen, and she cannot wait for the rollercoaster ride she figures raising these two children will be.

She’s squeezed into a far from comfortable position in the narrow toddler bed, she’s still sore and in pain after the nightmare that is childbirth, she's sleep-deprived and figures she's looked better after a 48 hour work shift than she does right now, but both her children are sleeping so close to her, and she's never been happier.

There’d been a time, not long ago, where she thought she’d never get to experience this. A second child had seemed like something the universe wasn't willing to give her, until it was, and now she’s living the reality she once feared would remain a dream.

She knows she’s never going to see her infertility journey as something beautiful, because it wasn’t. It was heartbreaking, soul-crushing and lonely even with Jake by her side, and the few comments she’s heard about how it must all have been worth it, though have made her want to punch someone. It was a curveball life threw her, an unfair challenge she had to go through for some reason, and she’s happy she survived it but she’s not grateful it happened. She’s simply accepted it. In the end, her life also gave her this; two objectively perfect children who are the best thing to ever happen to her, even pushing their father down to a still close second-place position. Her gratefulness for them still doesn't erase the painful experiences, but it makes them fade into the background, to a point where they’ll eventually become but a faint shadow of a memory. Amy figures that is the most she can ask for.

It takes her a moment to realize she has no idea how she's going to get up from this position. She’s closest to the wall, and she gets now that it was an unwise choice. Leah’s holding onto her arm, Olivia’s sleeping lightly and already stirring, and Amy has strong doubts in her own ability to get up without waking anyone.

She looks to Jake, hoping he might be able to help her, but finds that he’s fallen asleep on the floor using a stuffed animal as a pillow and holding his thumb between the last pages of the book they were reading. It looks ridiculous and deeply endearing at the same time, and even though it means she’s so screwed and she’s going to have to wake him somehow before Olivia starts screaming bloody murder, she can’t be mad about it.

All she can do is laugh.

and at last, i see the light

and it’s like the fog has lifted

and at last, i see the light

and it’s like the sky is new

and it’s warm, and real, and bright

and the world has somehow shifted

all at once, everything looks different

now that i see you.

~ i see the light, from tangled

#my writing #b99 #brooklyn 99 #brooklyn nine-nine #peraltiago #jake x amy #b99 fic #brooklyn 99 fic #brooklyn nine-nine fic #b99 fanfiction #brooklyn nine-nine fanfiction #jake x amy fic #jake x amy fanfiction #peraltiago fic #peraltiago fanfiction #iwthwy

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zipegs · 5 years ago

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i’ve been toying around with the idea of posting a fic rec list for a while, and finally decided that if i do, it might be nice to focus on newer and/or underrated fics in the fandom! some of my absolute favorites are on this list, and i highly suggest checking them out (and leaving the lovely authors some comments and kudos!)

this got pretty long, but it’s organized alphabetically by ship name (including gen) and then by length inside each ship!

blanky/little

Trysails by saltstreets / 2k, t

“I know I can’t do much,” Blanky said, “but you can always talk to me. If you’re so inclined.”

A (very late!) offering for Tender Tuesday, "a friend in need".

okay!!!!!! okay!!!!! hear me out on this one!! this fic is wonderful. i’m a sucker for fics dealing with edward’s suffering during the worst of crozier’s captaincy, and this one is so good. blanky is so wonderful in this; i feel like his tender, kind side frequently gets overlooked in favor of his bigger, bolder attributes, and this fic truly delivers on everything i’ve been missing! it’s really gentle and sweet and i urge you to give it a read!!!!

bridglar

in the low lamplight by stelleri / 338, g

It’s endless freezing rain outside, but the house is comfortably warm.

short and sweet! a really lovely little slice-of-life modern au

state of grace by aes3plex / 860, m

He doesn’t mean to see it. He never does.

bridglar may be the most featured pairing, but this is told from irving’s pov and also contains irving/little and references to hickey/gibson. really sad, conflicted little peek into irving’s mind (and some nice, soft bridglar as well!)

passer iagoensis by greenery / 3k, g

Night falls on the Beagle and Henry Peglar has just finished reading his very first novel.

Set in 1832.

this piece is so good!! it has some really beautiful (sad) foreshadowing of the franklin expedition, and is just... so soft, with some wonderful romantic tension!! and it’s funny! darwin and fitzroy are wonderful in this, and i’m always here for fic that deals with peglar learning to read (which this does!!!).

cracroft/crozier

the beggar’s opera by pyotr / 990, e

for all of his usual anger and surliness it was almost fun to fluster francis, to rile him where he could not retaliate. sophia had spent all her life under the thumb of some man or another; she loved francis in part because she always had the upper hand.

sophia is my queen and that’s all i’ll say about that. seriously though, this piece is just... *chef’s kiss*

fitzconte

A Cheetah Never Changes His Spots by onstraysod / 1.2k, m

Being the particular friend of James Fitzjames has its drawbacks, as Henry Le Vesconte learns during the expedition's first carnivale. But it also has its advantages, as Henry learns once the carnivale is over.

Written for Day 1 (A Special Disguise) of the 12 Days of Carnivale.

on beechey island, fitzjames reveals clio’s cheetah to the men. or... something like it! this piece is really a blast; fitzjames is in rare form, francis is glaring form the sidelines, and le vesconte is an absolute champ. and the ending is wonderfully witty and racy!

fitzier

wake me up, wake me up my darling by norvegiae / 1.4k, g / mcd

James Fitzjames feels like a new man.

The old James Fitzjames lies on the cot in front of him, cradled by the man he wishes he could have had more time with.

set during 1.09, this fic is a really poignant, heartwrenching piece in which james comes to terms with the reality of his death, and of his life, as he watches francis grieve. very sad, and wonderfully written!

what the stars give us by WetSammyWinchester / 1.7k, t / implied death

"They may know space, James, but you know what it means to truly fly."

70s scifi (space program!!!) au. really great translation of the terror; the mood in this is so good!!! and the little flashbacks are fantastic. it’s pretty sad, but it hurts in a good way.

fitzrossier

Take Your Turn, Take A Ride by courfairyac / 7.5k, e

Francis agrees to accompany his friend to a masquerade, and stumbles onto something quite unexpected.

In short: Festivities! Voyeurism! James in a dress!

listen... fitzrossier is my new weakness, and this is a really fun, hot, canon-universe (pre-expedition) au.

gen

salvation by scribomania / 250, t

The Concordia brings them survival, but not salvation.

featuring hodgson and little, and jopson. for a survival au, this little piece hurts!!! it’s so short, but it packs a punch. really, really good.

but no one remembers yet by disastermovie / 885, t

“From the mutilated state of many of the corpses and the contents of the kettles, it is evident that our wretched countrymen had been driven to the last resource—cannibalism—as a means of prolonging existence.”

—excerpt from Dr. John Rae’s report on the fate of the Franklin Expedition to the Secretary of the Admiralty (written from Repulse Bay on July 29, 1854)

sad little epilogue concerning sophia and lady jane dealing with their grief

the weary world rejoices by disastermovie / 1.3k, t

Fitzjames goes to his first Christmas party after the survivors are rescued. It doesn't go well.

this!!!! fic!!! i can’t even do it justice, it’s just so good. the slow build of james’s panic, the caroling and gaiety as a backdrop... it’s just so painful in the best way. i’m incoherent; pls just read it,

la belle dame sans merci by drowninglovers / 1.7k, g

Nobody is quite sure who the first one to start making her clothing is, but one day she scampers over the shoulders of the ABs as they line up for lunch wearing a tiny shirt to match her pants. It’s nothing special, no fancy detail, navy blue like most everything else they wear. Whoever made it must have cared a great deal, to make sure it fit her perfectly.

this is incredibly fun!!! just some good, wholesome fic about boys dressing up their favorite lady. 10000/10 would recommend.

Come Here, Fellow Servant by whipstitch / 1.9k, t

The sea is dangerous, but so too is the open sky. And in that case, Cornelius determines, a friend is an unexpected boon.

okay, i made a rule that i wasn’t going to include wips on this rec list, but i had to put this guy on here. it could be read as a stand-alone, actually, which is what i used to convince myself to include it. peglar realizes that hickey has no fucking idea what he’s doing, and tries to help him, kind, caring sweetheart that he is. this is a really, really nice little piece—i love everything about it.

lie alone by greenery / 2k, g

He turns the page. And maybe this is it. Maybe writing a letter to young Tom Hartnell is reason enough to leave the berth.

really nice oneshot featuring two good boys (hodgson & hartnell) and their wholesome status as pen pals

the crooked kind by darrenjolras / 2.3k, m / non-consensual voyeurism

“You and I, Jopson,” Hickey says, and Jopson startles at those words alone, turns an affronted gaze his way. Hickey bathes in the glacial blue of it. Like being thrown overboard. “You and I aren’t so different, you know.”

Based on that Hickey/Jopson scene. You know the one.

the terror bingo fill: court martial

not totally gen, but also not really hickey/jopson? twisted, but very much in character; hickey is his delightful self in this, and his verbal sparring with jopson is very well done and quite fun to read!

gibson/hickey

Touch Her Not Scornfully by skazka / 2k, e

Stolen moments down below.

this fic is just... really fucking good!!! it’s a fantastic look at the very early days of gibson & hickey’s relationship, and an intriguing little venture into billy’s head.

goodsir/mcdonald

And That is How it Starts by Intrepid_Inkweaver / 1.2k, g

It starts with a handshake and a warm smile at their introduction at Greenhithe.

a really sweet, lovely canon-divergent piece. written in 2nd person pov. these two are just such a good, wholesome pairing and this fic really does them justice!!

hartving

let loss reveal it by disastermovie / 1.6k, t / mcd

Tom could never quite see himself taking a wife.

this shit fucking hurts!!!!!!! it’s a beautiful glimpse at irving & hartnell’s relationship, told through hartnell’s introspection, and is written really, really well. also did i mention that it fucking hurts???

Lookout Blues by ClockworkCourier / 2.1k, g

John and Tom Hartnell talk about the future while they wait on a new shipment.

hello??? 1920s au??????? the world-building is so tangible in this, even in such a relatively short piece. it’s a really lovely little conversation between the brothers, and i absolutely loved their little discussion of irving.

we’ll tak’ a cup o’ kindness yet by drowninglovers / 6.3k, g

If this is to be the last time they interact (and it likely will), Tom wants it to be memorable.

survival au survival au!! tartnell runs into irving at john’s grave, and convinces him to stay with his family until new year’s. it’s kind of bittersweet, with some really great flashbacks (and discussions of said scenes!), and oh man is it soft!! just! really beautiful and tender, and the ending is just so cute!!!!!

hodgson/hickey

the chaos moves by itself by bluebacchus / 1.3k, e / violence, mcd

Hodgson's mind cracks and the heavens flow in.

(Written for Day 7 of Halloween TerrorFest: A disquieting metamorphosis and posted separately because I don't want to taint my main post with borderline vore)

fair warning... this fic is fucked up, but in the best possible way! the religious imagery!!!! the philosophy!!!! just!! god.

hodgson/little

Allegro, B Flat Major by whalersandsailors / 5.3k, g

George is freshly moved from his childhood home, ready to tackle the school year and his newfound independence all at once.

Too bad he's lonely, miserable, and homesick.

He turns to music when adulthood becomes unbearable, and when someone knocks at his door and leaves an anonymous note, George discovers another music lover not too far away.

have i mentioned i love george hodgson? because i love george hodgson. this fic is a beautiful modern au featuring our own georgie playing his way through his feelings (literally). the buildup to the reveal of george’s secret admirer is wonderful, and had me rooting for them from the start! really sweet, stunning fic for a pairing i’d never considered before!

joplittle

get out of the wind by Cicadaemon / 1.6k, e

Edward Little is smitten with a certain bartender.

modern au. really lovely, wholesome, and happy; just what these boys deserve!

The Thylacine by Gigi_Sinclair / 1.7k, t

"Thylacines. That's what Sophia called them, all those years ago in Van Diemen's Land. Dogs with tiger stripes, cats with pouches. They stretch their jaws at him, as Francis struggles to sit. The movement makes his head spin. He pushes the discomfort aside. He has no time to entertain it; he must escape."

also features cracroft/crozier. this is a really clever, funny piece set during francis’s withdrawal; poor francis is a bit muddled in the throes of his fever, and gets caught up in a memory from van diemen’s land. i absolutely loved little and jopson’s reactions in this, and especially jopson and crozier’s conversation the next morning.

Prelude in D Major by scribomania / 2.7k, t

Hodgson is very fond of the musical apparatus in Terror's great cabin; Edward is not.

For the Terror Bingo square "denial".

i’m a big big lover of terror lieutenant nonsense, and this fic absolutely delivers! just absolutely delightful.

When the Lights Go On Again by Gigi_Sinclair / 4.1k, t

"Edward Little's ancestors were Naval officers, almost to a man. Nevertheless, from a young age, Edward's eyes turned to the sky rather than the sea.

He longed to fly, as high and as frequently as possible. In the Royal Air Force, he got his wish. He was happy there, thriving, rising in the ranks apace and doing what he always wanted to do. Then came the first of September, 1939."

wwii au. edward is a squadron leader in the royal air force, and jopson is a corporal working for group captain crozier. i’m weak for wwi and wwii aus to begin with, and this one is done beautifully. while it doesn’t hand-wave the trauma and heartbreak of war, it doesn’t hit you over the head with it either, and the result is a really soft, bittersweet, hopeful piece.

lozer

a lily for my love by whalersandsailors / 3.7k, m

Solomon never thought that soul-signs were real, and the stories he heard about them made soulmates sound more like a prison sentence than any fairy tale romance. It is not until he finds a soul-sign on the skin of a very dear friend that he realizes their importance, as well as their undoing.

this piece is!!! beautiful!!! very poignant, and really had me feeling for solomon. i love what’s been done with the soulmark conceit—it’s not just a simple “we have soulmarks, we’re soulmates!!!’ au (which i’ll admit to enjoying too), but a really thoughtful take on the trope. the slow way tozer puzzles everything out is wonderful, and i love the glimpses we get into several of his friendships & relationships.

morfin/weekes

to help you remember by whalersandsailors / 1.2k, g

An anniversary, during which Weekes presents Morfin with a gift, and Morfin struggles to remember why.

do you ever just get clotheslined by a pairing you’d never even considered before? because that’s what this fic did to me

#the terror #the terror fic rec #the terror fic #the terror amc #fic #haven't proofread this at all so pour 1 out for the dumb mistakes #that im sure it's riddled with #anyway this is how i spent my afternoon #anyway read these fics i'm beggin u #this also showed me just how much terror fic #i have yet to read...#thinking emoji

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revengeisalwaysanoption · 5 years ago

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FICS: PROPOSTE INDECENTI + AMO GIA’ IL FINALE

I posted these on AO3 back in January. And I really wanted to have something brand new for today, but I am trying as hard as I can to have the fairy tale AU finished by tomorrow, so... Hope you’ll like them! They are BOTH IN ENGLISH ;) !!

PROPOSTE INDECENTI Seconds

10 - 9

The longest ten seconds of his whole fucking life. Maybe Niccolò really is considering turning it down, given the time and setting.

3 a.m. McDonald's. Sitting on plastic chairs. Lazily eating cold fries and a hamburger that tastes like cardboard with one hand, stroking each other's thumbs with the other. Feeling like the last men on Earth, in a deserted place that would normally be buzzing with life in the daytime.

He should have sticked to his plan, given him his scripted speech this Sunday at the Bioparco. But he didn't, and now...

8-7

… now he's screwed, isn't he? He fucked it up, and Niccolò is going to carry on and pretend this has been nothing but a bad dream.

He couldn't help it, though. Not when Niccolò was glowing with pride and elation as he showed Martino his first - published, finally!! - illustrated book.

The one Nico had lovingly renamed 'our baby' - and damn if Marti's heart didn't skip a beat at that - even though all he didn't do much but offer his moral support.

How was he supposed to resist?

6-5

He looked more beautiful than ever, in an old tracksuit and with a ridiculous headband holding his wild curls at bay. Buzzing with enthusiasm, while he told Marti about how Naima the giraffe who had her head too high in the clouds learnt from Mabel the red panda that she shouldn't fear what's in her heart. That her feelings are never too much, like so many others have been telling her.

Niccolò had always been very secretive about the plot, saying 'It's a surprise' with a mischievous glint in his eyes whenever Martino asked for more details… and right in that very moment he could see why.

"Children emotions tends to be heightened, and therefore often dismissed. I hope this can tell them that they matter, you know? That they're gonna find someone willing to listen, someday. Just like I found you."

It was their story. Edited, tweaked but still the same at its core. Shared to offer some hope to whoever might need it.

How could he not stop Niccolò right there and fumble for the box in his bag?

4-3

Flinging it into his hands and dropping on one knee felt too predictable and cheap, however.

"I… I think I'm gonna get a milkshake. Would you like me to get you anything? An ice-cream cone? A Flurry?" Then, raising a voice a couple of octaves to make it sound childlike he adds "A Happy Meal?"

"Ahah. You're so funny, have you ever considered a career as a stand-up comedian? Get me a Happy Meal, you ass." And he would have sucked on that raised middle finger, without any shame, had it been a night like any other.

But it wasn't.

Niccolò kept on gloating, until he opened the Happy Meal. His face fell, indeed, when he found the giraffe and red panda wooden figurines connected through a red silk thread and carrying a ring.

Ebony black, like his hair. Adorned with amber and aventurine, which both reminded Martino of his eyes.

Eyes which were now boring into him with a mixture of confusion and… disappointment?

Not exactly the reaction he had been wishing for. The silence between them felt a bit uncomfortable, for the first time in maybe ever, but Martino forced himself to speak.

"I know that I told you, so many times and in so many ways, that nobody knows a fucking thing about what's gonna happen tomorrow but... I am certain about ONE thing and ONE thing only: that I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you, as your HUSBAND. Don't you wanna spend the rest of your life with me?"

"That's two things, Marti. Maybe even three. I believe so… but let me just have ten seconds to think it through, okay?"

"Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. " He finally says. Each yes said before a kiss, his smile getting brighter and brighter as they both start crying. Tears they brush away with gentle fingertips, with soft lips.

"A thousand times yes, Marti." Niccolò reiterates, resting his forehead against his fiancé's. Not an old fashioned to say 'boyfriend' when you significant one is not exactly a boy anymore, but the real deal now.

Fiancé. Betrothed. Soon to be husband. He can't wait to refer to Martino using those term with friends, colleagues, guests, relatives. With all those random people he ends up talking to while queuing up at the post office - on the bus, on the train, on the subway. The whole world needs to know, and he is certain that Marti feels like the same.

"Once is more than enough."

-----------

Minutes

It still doesn’t feel real, even though he has had some minutes to let it sink in. Despite the weight of the ring dangling from his necklace - "how very Frodo of you…" "Are you calling your future husband a fucking hobbit, Mr Rametta?" - and his proposal still echoing in his ears, he fears he might wake up any minute now. Alone.

He has to take refuge in Marti’s arms, grounding himself in his warm and tight embrace. Nothing can touch him, when he’s there. Nothing can reach him, apart from Martino’s smell and the palpable solidity of his body.

"I can take it back, if you’d like." Marti mumbles, against his helix piercing.

"Don’t you dare!" Niccolò protests, first jabbing his ribs with his forefinger and then flicking his nose.

"I mean… you don't sound positively thrilled about it…" He points out, puzzled to hear Niccolò chuckle.

"Well, we're talking about spending the rest of my life with the most boring gay I've ever met…" Nico sighs dramatically, but then he gets dreadfully serious. He is so overjoyed, so full of love he could burst, and Martino better not end up thinking otherwise. "I couldn't be happier… You know that, right? I simply wanted to be the one to propose."

"Well, maybe you still can. Fifteen or twenty years from now, when we'll feel like renewing our vows or some shit…" Martino suggests, standing up and cleaning their table. They must go now, if they want to have some time left to spare to celebrate home before heading out again to work.

"Sounds lovely. You have such a way with words, Marti." Niccolò shoves him playfully, but files that piece of information into a secured corner of his brain. Might come in handy, in the future. "And how do you know about renewals, anyway? Don't tell me you've been bingewatching 'Say Yes To The Dress' on RealTime!"

"Whaaat? Me? Nope. Never. Must have heard something from Filo. Or was it Edo?"

*************

AMO GIA’ IL FINALE

Hours

Hours have gone by. It took them twice longer than usual to reach their flat, unable to walk more than a few steps without stopping for a quick peck. Or a full on make out session against a couple of closed, sturdy, doors.

Clothes were discarded on the floor as soon as they stepped inside, and they had made love until dawn. Exhausted, by then, they had fallen asleep.

Fear has had time to come knocking, and with it the painful reminder that people always leave. Or get sick of each other, and stay together only to keep up appearances.

No. That's not gonna happen. Not to them. Not when they are perfectly aware that gonna have to make a promise to each other not only on that day… but every second, every minute, every hour they spend together. Or apart.

Not necessarily with words. Which little gestures, too. Cherish their love. Never take it for granted.

"I promise you that we can make it. From now, to infinity." Martino says, softly, as he lays a kiss on Niccolò chest. Right where his heart is, just like Nico did so many years before under those red lights.

"To infinity and beyond."

"Don't start quoting Toy Story when I'm trying to be deep, Ni."

"It doesn't suit you. Now, up up up. Put something on and come with me... I don't want to miss watching the sunrise and cuddling with my betrothed on my cozy balcony."

"You are unbelievable."

"And you love that."

"I sure do, don't I?"

Imagination

This is absolutely not what Niccolò or Martino had in mind.

The unnecessary opulence, the stifling atmosphere in spite of the marvelous outdoor venue.

"It's not like you had a clear picture of what you wanted, anyway." Anyone would argue, and they would be right.

It had been easy enough to picture it back in Milan, where having a wedding in their birthday suits had sounded like the coolest idea he had ever had… But now Nico can't really see how that would go down, can't imagine it wouldn't be a complete catastrophe.

Like any other scenario they came up with. Some are too over the top, and would make Martino feel uncomfortable. Some are too dull, and would be an ill match to Niccolò's eccentricity.

Someone had to take the matter into their hands, and it wasn't like Silvia had done a bad job with the very little input she had from the grooms.

Maybe they could settle for this?

***************

Instinct

Or maybe not.

Martino refused to make this day, their day, about anyone else but themselves.

His in-laws were probably going to hate him for this, as firm believers of a time and a place for spontaneity, and their own friends were surely going to hold it against them for the next fifty years or so… but who cared?

Not him. Not when he was witnessing the first real smile of the week from Niccolò, merely by showing up on his old bike.

"Get on." It took him some fumbling, since a tight fitting tuxedo wasn't really the best attire for riding a bike, but eventually he managed to sit comfortably behind Martino.

"Where are we going?" He asked, presuming to be filled in about Marti's plan for the next few hours.

"Wherever the fuck we want." Martino said, instead, refusing to tell Niccolò anything concerning their destination. Or what they would do, once they reached it.

It didn't take too long to get to a church that Niccolò knew all too well. He had often joked about getting married in its crypt, surrounded by skulls and chandeliers made of human bones. Too bad it was hardly ever opened to the public, and totally unavailable for any kind of celebration.

"And how exactly are you planning to get in?" He inquired, walking over to the locked door.

"I might have asked Filippo to make me a copy of the key, when he got one for his photography project. Off the record." Because he knew Niccolò would love to stroll through the building undisturbed. Taking in its macabre allure, appreciating the fleeting nature of his own existence.

"Uh… Martino Rametta breaking the law by owning something he's not supposed to? A man after my own heart, I must say."

"I thought I already had it. Your heart, I mean." He commented, offhandedly, as he cursed and kicked against the rusty old door. "Oh, come on! Jesus! You were working just fine last time!"

"And this wonderful hint of blasphemy, right in front of a church. Wow." Niccolò reached out for him, then, pinning his open palm onto his own chest. "You're not mistaken, by the way. This has been yours for years."

"Same here." Marti turned to take his hand, and l let him feel how fast his heart was beating.

And then, as Marti was leaning in for a kiss, Nico moved back and brazenly snatched the keys.

"You know I've got the magic touch. Don't know whether it's in the fingers on in the wrists…"

"You better leave those innuendo at the door, Ni."

"Or what? You'll punish me, Father? You'll drag me into one of the confessionals and…"

… and he might had been tempted to do that, to drop on his knees and worship this man… Before he was basically challenged to reign in his wildest fantasies. Oh, he knew Niccolò wouldn't even try to play fair but still… He was so going to win this.

******

Memory

"... and then?" The kids asked, trying to get Mr. David's attention.

"Mh?" He had been distracted by an old lady coming to congratulate him on finally tying the knot a couple of weeks before. Shoelaces were a challenge for anyone, indeed, so it made sense he got praised for achieving that goal… Even though it took him so many years.

And that hadn't been the only interruption. For same weird reason their parents kept butting in to tell them shouldn't bother Mr. Fares. Or his 'partner'. They don't say 'husband', for some reason. Despite it being the word David uses for Michelangelo.

Grown up are so, so dumb.

"You ran away from your own wedding, got to a spooky church… and then? What happened?"

"Did you find a body and have to solve a murder?"

"I'm afraid not. We walked inside, and I read him my vows. He gave me his. I can show them to you, if you'd like? I always carry them in my pocket." Most didn't quite understand what was so great about two stick figures on a badly drawn giraffe, but the words written on the side sounded nice. Especially the closing line.

Per quanta strada abbiam fatto, e per quanta ancora ce n'è da fare… Amo già il finale.

"Booooring! I bet you went back to the ranch for the actual ceremony, after that?"

"Wrong. Remember that I started telling you all about this day because Meni asked what was the biggest prank I've ever pulled on my friends and family… That's it: making them all believe they would see US getting married and then have two other people saying 'I do' that afternoon. And this day I'm still quite proud I could pull that off. And so is my husband. I mean, our old folks were THIS close to believe we had been kidnapped."

Impressive. Kind of. Perhaps grown up can be cool, once in a blue moon?

"Ni? Nico? Earth to Niccolò Fares?" Not fair! He was a grown up! Why was he getting sweets before dinner?

"Yeah yeah, I can hear you loud and clear Marti." He gulped down his candies in a heartbeat. And then gave him a quick kiss, saying "Thanks, love."

Huh? Nico? Marti? Then why their moms - and a couple of their dads - referred to him as Michelangelo's David?

Grown ups are so, so weird.

#skam italia #final countdown weeks #week 2 #day four: share the love

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the--blackdahlia · 5 years ago

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Too Young to Fall in Love Chapter 46 (Dirt!Nikki x Reader)

Title: Too Young to Fall in Love 46

Summary: Nikki Sixx was a hard partying musician on the strip. He never expected to fall in love with anyone, until a girl knocked on his dressing room door looking for a ride home and took his breath away. Just like everything else Nikki did; the drugs, the money, the music; Nikki went hard with love. (Y/n) Bass never expected the bassist of Motley Crue to be the one to shake her calm and calculated life up. She had a plan. Graduate school, become an epic producer, and watch from behind the scenes as her brother’s band rose to fame. Nikki and (Y/n) were perfect for each other, too bad her brother, Tommy, didn’t think so.

Series warnings: Smut (18+ Please), drug use, language, referenced miscarriage, drug overdose, mentioned attempted suicide, out of character moments for everyone in the band, the timeline might be a little screwy but it’s fanfiction! I know nothing of music production and my medical knowledge is really screwy, so it won’t be accurate.

Nikki spent a good amount of time at the studio. It would be another week before touring would resume for Generation Swine. It made him nervous. He hated being away from home. Tommy was back in the studio, but Nikki kept his words short with him. He did miss his best friend, but the pain that (Y/n) was going through made Nikki mad at the way the drummer treated her. Nikki had made sure (Y/n) had asprin and a relaxing day. He made sure Ziggy was with Vanessa and that she was just a phone call away.

“Dude I’m telling you, pregnant chicks and pickles are a thing,” Vince smiled.

"Why? She wants yours more often?" Mick said, deadfaced and monotoned.

“Among other things,” he said wiggling his eyebrows. “But on a serious note, those midnight runs are no joke man.” he smiled. “This kid is going to be amazing.”

"How are things going for you and (y/n) and trying?" Mick asked nikki. Tommy looked up from his drums.

“I think she’s getting frustrated, and I don’t blame her,” Nikki sighed. “I’m thinking about getting myself checked out. I know the problem is with me man.” Nikki grabbed his bass and bowed his head. “I’m always the problem.”

"Not always." Tommy said. "Sometimes it's a brother with an endless supply of booze."

Nikki lifted his head and looked at Tommy, “Ok, you and I need to talk. But first I want to lay down these tracks. Then you and I are going to go out to eat and we’re going to talk.” Nikki looked at him.

"Okay." Tommy nodded, chugging his water. He wanted a beer so bad, but it wasn't allowed in the studio.

“Let’s get to work,” Nikki said as they began rehearsing. Not long after Nikki stood in front of Tommy. “So you told (Y/n) that she stole me from you?” he shook his head at Tommy. “Where did that come from?” Tommy just shrugged. He wasn't sure how to explain what he said. He just felt that his sister had taken his best friend, the other terror twin, and tamed him. “Ok, let’s go find a place to eat and you are going to tell me what brought this on. No booze! You need a clear head.”

"Fine." Tommy grumbled. "Might as well go to McDonald's at that point."

“Then McDonald’s it is, you want a happy meal?” Nikki teased.

"Only if I can have the Barbie toy." Tommy laughed and flipped his hair.

“Such a good girl you are!” Nikki smiled. “I’ll meet you there,”

"I'll be waiting." Tommy smiled.

Nikki and Tommy met at a local McDonalds. Nikki opting for a Big Mac Tommy actually got the happy meal. “You are such a kid man.” Nikki smiled. “Talk to me man, where did this whole thing about (Y/n) stealing me come from. Because for a lot of this journey, we were still the terror twins.”

"I just...you were staying with her more often instead of partying. And...and you opted for the hotel more….and…" Tommy dropped the fries he was holding. "I need help man."

“Why didn’t you say all this when we were back in rehab?” Nikki folded his hand on the table and looked to his friend. “Just because I was with her didn’t mean I couldn’t have fun…. I just didn’t want to mess up. I was doing blow and letting girls suck me off while talking to her… I mean… we kept partying but… I should have realized you needed me too man… I’m sorry.”

"It wasn’t just you. I screwed up with Heather. I got involved with Pam. I just keep messing things up that has nothing to do with you. And I...I screwed up with (Y/n). I should be who she talks to when she has a problem. instead she runs to New York."

“New York was on me man, you know that,” Nikki sighed. “The night I was brought back to life… in ‘87… she came to me man and … we… let’s just say I thought it was a dream or a girl who looked like her and I went for the needle again.”

"So that's where she went. she left and for days no one could get a hold of her." Tommy explained.

“Yeah,” Nikki sighed. “We just got lost in each other and… next thing I know I have the needle in my arm and she’s saying she doesn’t want to watch me die… I made the decision we should all go to rehab and get clean then.” Nikki breathed. “Been clean ever since.”

"I wish I could've made myself be clean." Tommy sighed.

“Look man, I made the decision to be clean not just for (Y/n) but for myself… I mean… I was a mess even before we got together. You know that, and we can always have fun. Who says the terror twins can’t be terrors? You can be naked and sober. Hell we’ve done it before.” Nikki let out a laugh. “You get clean because I want to see you at our wedding… I still haven’t picked a best man you know… I was hoping…”

“You mean...me?” Tommy asked. “Are you sure man? What if I become you at my wedding?”

“I don’t think you would man. Besides, that was a mistake and I’m sorry… I was not in the right place and I should have been there for you with a clear head.” Nikki shook his head in shame.

“No, it’s okay.” Tommy shrugged. “Do you have a rough estimate of when the wedding is?”

“Not sure, but I know I’m supposed to be at your parent’s for dinner tomorrow,” Nikki chuckled. “Athena mentioned something about your aunts being there.”

“Oh god you poor man,” Tommy laughed. “When I spent a summer in Greece with them, they tried to pimp me out to all the girls in town. I mean, I didn’t mind, but some of those girls had muscles bigger than my, well, everything. They grow ‘em big in Athens.” That’s when both of their cell phones rang at the same time.

“Hi ma.” Tommy answered.

“Athena? Is everything okay?” Nikki asked. Both women were talking and the boys just nodded before hanging up.

“Guess who’s coming to dinner.” Tommy groaned. “Mom didn’t tell them I got remarried until this morning and they want to meet Pamela.”

“Yeah Athena just told me,” Nikki groaned. “I gotta tell (Y/n), I hope she’s feeling better though. She had a killer migraine.”

“She still gets those?” Tommy asked. “I was kinda a dick to her back then when she got them.”

“Yeah I know,” Nikki sighed. “She threw up when she was out with your mom planning the wedding. I think she’s just stressed… I’m thinking a nice trip to Hawaii and some fun time to help her relax.”

“Is she still upset that she hasn’t been working?” Tommy asked. “I know that she’s kinda been blacklisted by a few labels because of what she did for us.”

“I think we should create our own label with her as our manager,” Nikki looked at him. “I mean, she’s done a lot for us and we can help other artists along the way. I’ve written and produced some things for other people and she’s been there to help me along the way.”

“And she did write most of my songs for my first album, which I feel guilty about.” Tommy sighed. “And she did trademark Motley Records for us. Oh! Look what she gave me a few months back. I’m waiting for the right time to record it though.” He slid the paper to Nikki to read.

Nikki read the words and closed his eyes. He knew she was feeling depressed but this was on a whole level. Looking at Tommy he gave him back the paper, “She has talent man… I just wish I could get her to see it.”

“That’s...that’s probably my fault.” Tommy told him. “I thought I was driving her in the path of a career that would be more stable than the music business by telling her there was no money in songwriting, things like that. God, I was so shitty to her.”

“Well, you’re going to have to get clean and fix it man,” Nikki sighed as he cleaned up. “I should go, I want to make sure she’s ok.”

“Okay yeah. I got some calls to make anyway.” Tommy told him. “See you tomorrow man?”

“Yeah I’ll see you tomorrow,” Nikki said as he gave him a high five and a hug. “You’re still me best friend man, don’t forget that.”

“Yeah, yeah. Don’t get soft on me now Sixx.” He smiled and headed to his car. Nikki headed home. Vanessa was parked in the driveway and Ziggy was running around happily.

“Hey Ness, is everything ok?” Nikki asked as he got out of his car and made his way inside.

“Yeah. (Y/n) called and said she was feeling better. Well enough to have the kid home, not well enough to drive.” Vanessa told him. “Oh! Vince’s oldest has some puppies they need to rehome. I was wondering if you guys want one. If not, Vince is going to try to adopt all six of them.”

“Ask (Y/n), Ness. I don’t mind Ziggy having someone to keep him company. Besides I got to talk to (Y/n) about something.” He smiled as he walked inside and laughed when Ziggy ran around the living room.

“Well, good. Because I already brought one over and (Y/n) is cuddling with her up in your room.” Vanessa told him.

Nikki laughed as he shook his head, “Alright, well let me check on her and you can go on home. Vince was saying he would have to buy an entire pickle factory for you.” he teased.

“Ha, ha. He’s sooooo funny.” Vanessa grumbled. She was already plotting how to get back at him. Maybe promising him his favorite thing and it not happening would be perfect. She left the house, leaving Nikki and Ziggy downstairs.

“Come on Zig lets go check on Mommy,” he said as he made his way upstairs with Ziggy following behind him. He reached the bedroom door and knocked softly. “(Y/n)? Can I come in?” A small bark answered him, followed by a giggle.

“Come on in.” (Y/n) laughed. “Jett, that’s your daddy and your brother.” The little labrador retriever wagged her tail happily when she saw Nikki. “Hi honey.”

“Hey,” he said as Ziggy jumped up on the bed sniffing the new puppy. Nikki leaned over and kissed her. “Feeling better?”

“Yeah a bit.” She smiled up at him. “How was your day?”

“Eventful, I talk to Tommy.” he breathed and sat on the edge of the bed caressing her cheek. “He’s going to be at the dinner tomorrow at your moms.”

“Oh, that’ll be a blast.” (Y/n) sighed. Jett whimpered and laid by her. (Y/n) scratched her ears.

“Man, Ziggy and Jett.” Nikki looked at the new puppy and ran his fingers over her. “I know hun, but… Tommy has his demons to battle and… he says he’s sorry.” Nikki looked at her. “We can cut out early tomorrow no problem.”

“I’ll sit and listen to him I guess.” (Y/n) snuggled up against Nikki. “So, what do you think of her?”

“I love her,” he smiled. “I was thinking of checking myself out… down there…” he cleared his throat. “There’s gotta be something wrong with me.”

“What?” (Y/n) looked at him. “Nikki, there’s nothing wrong with you. Trust me.” She smiled at him. “What brought this on?”

“I don’t know,” Nikki sighed. “I just feel like it’s my fault we’re not pregnant yet.”

“Something wants us to calm down and enjoy ourselves I think.” (Y/n) told him. “And, who knows, the gene that my mothers side has that allows them to have like twenty kids, it might just have skipped me.” She shrugged. “But there’s nothing wrong with you Nikki.”

“I feel like I’m letting your down,” Nikki swallowed the lump in his throat.

“Nikki, if we never have kids and just grow old with twenty dogs, I’ll be happy. As long as it’s with you.” She smiled at him.

“We can be Dogy parents,” he smiled and kissed her deeply. “I’m glad you’re feeling better.”

“Me too.” she kissed him again. “I missed my soon to be husband.”

“I missed my soon to be wife,” he breathe as he lay her down and peeled off her clothes. “Can I show you how much I missed you?”

“Oh course.” She moaned. “Just be gentle with me.” Nikki smirked.

Nikki removed his clothes as he hovered over her, gently pushing into her. “Fuck I missed you.”

“Oh god. Fuck.” (Y/n) moaned. “I missed you so much Nikki.”

“Shit sweet girl,” he moaned, “you feel so good.” (Y/n) just moaned in response. She loved having Nikki like this. She wrapped her arms and legs around him, holding him close to her.

“N-Nikki!” She moaned, cumming around him.

Nikki let out a strangled cry as he came in her, holding her body close. He collapsed next to her pulling her close. “Fuck I love you.”

“I love you too.” She curled up in his arms, resting her head on his shoulder. “Glad you came back into my life.”

“I’m glad you let me come back,” he kissed her shoulder. “I wish we were getting married tomorrow sweet girl.”

“Let’s do it.” (Y/n) whispered. “Let’s just tell everyone that we’re going to go to Vegas and if they want to be there, they can be there.”

“You and I both know that your family would kill us,” he laughed. “But… I am going to be happy seeing you walk down that aisle.” he smiled. “Nap time?”

“Mmm yes.” She said, falling asleep by him.

When he woke up later, she was gone, but he could smell food coming from the kitchen.

“What smells so good?” he smiled as both Jett and Ziggy ran up to him.

“Fried chicken, mashed potatoes, gravy, and corn.” (Y/n) said. She was just wearing her underwear and one of Nikki’s shirts.

Nikki walked up behind her and ran his hands under the shirt his fingers tickling her skin, “God you look sexy. You are going to make me fat with all this good food.”

“I think you work out enough that you won’t have to worry about it.” (Y/n) laughed.

Nikki kissed her neck and smiled, “I want you to know that you make me happy sweet girl. You are very special to me and I hope I’m making you happy.”

“I’m the happiest I’ve been in a long time.” She told him. But there was something off sometimes. She felt like some days, her meds were working and she was the best fiancee and doggy mom ever, but then there were days where she could barely pull herself out of bed, let alone put a smile on her face. She didn’t know what was wrong with her.

*********

Nikki pulled up to the Bass house and looked over at (Y/n), “You ok?”

‘Yeah.” She took a deep breath. “Are you sure we can’t just go to Vegas?”

“If you can convince your family to agree to it, i would book a flight this minute,” he smiled at her. They watched as Tommy pulled up with Pamela. (Y/n) took another deep breath.

“Are you ready?” (Y/n) asked.

“As ready as I can be,” Nikki said as he got out of the car and ran around to help (Y/n). “Just squeeze my hand if you need to ok?”

“Okay, I will.” They got out of the car and met up with Tommy and Pamela. Pamela hugged (Y/n).

“Hello you two!” She smiled. “It’s so good to see you.”

“Hi Pamela.” (Y/n) smiled at her, not making eye contact with Tommy. “Ready to go in?”

“Yeah, although I’m not sure what to expect with the aunts,” Nikki smiled nervously.

“They’re fun. Just watch out for Aunt Calliope. She’s a cheek squeezer.” Tommy laughed. (Y/n) rang the doorbell. David answered the door.

“Hey dad.” (Y/n) said, forcing a smile on her face.

“Hey pumpkin,” he said and hugged her tight. “Nikki! Good to see you,” he shook Nikki’s hand and hugged him. “Thomas and Pamela come on in guys.” he hugged each of them and smiled. “Everyone is in the living room.” They made their way in and soon, Calliope, Tahlia, and Erato were all at Nikki.

“Η αδελφή μας είχε δίκιο! Είναι! (Our sister was right! He is handsome!)” Calliope called out, pinching his cheeks.

“ Um… Hi….” He smiled and leaned to (Y/n), “What did she say?”

“That you’re handsome.” (Y/n) laughed.

“Μοιάζει σαν να έχει σκαλισθεί από τους Θεούς! (He looks like he was carved by the Gods!)” Erato laughed, watching him.

“Κορίτσια, κοιτάξτε τον κώλο. (Y/n) τα παίρνει ώριμα! (Girls, look at that ass. (Y/n) picks them ripe!)” Thalia added to it. The aunts all fawned over Nikki, separating him from (Y/n).

“Um… (Y/n)! Help!” Nikki called as they pushed him up against the wall and smiled nervously.

“Hey what about me?” Tommy looked at his aunts and pouted. “I’m here too!”

“Uh oh.” (Y/n) said. “T-Bone, you know what’s going to happen, don’t you?”

“Huh? What? I mean I’m here and they should say hi,” Tommy had no clue.

“Baby pictures…” (Y/n) hissed. Tommy went to find the albums, but his mom and aunts beat him to it. “Shit…”

“Thomas, come sit with me.” Calliope demanded. “And bring your golden bride with you.”

“Yes Tia Calliope,” he grumbled as he led Pamela to the couch as the baby pictures were passed around.

“Nikki, you must look at her.” Voula said, handing Nikki the album. There was a picture of (Y/n). She must have only been about three or four, sitting on the couch with a book in her lap and Tommy sitting on the floor in front of her. He knew she couldn’t read the book, but she was telling him a story anyway and he was listening to her as she went.

“Sweet girl! You look so cute!” Nikki held her close and smiled.

“Mom, why?” (Y/n) groaned. The aunts were all busy showing off pictures to Pamela. Athena came in through the kitchen door.

“Oh, is it baby picture time?” She teased. “This one is my favorite.” She pointed to a picture of the three Bass children on a trip to San Diego. Athena and Tommy were standing in front of the lion enclosure. Tommy had (Y/n) on his shoulders, with a pair of mouse ears on her head.

“You guys look happy,” Nikki pointed out.

“(Y/n) can I talk to you?” Tommy looked at (Y/n). seeing the pictures stirred something in him and he looked at how upset his baby sister looked when she saw them.

“Uh, sure.” (Y/n) said, getting up. Nikki watched her, ready to get up if needed, but (Y/n)’s spot by him was taken over by Thalia. “What is it?” (Y/n) asked when they made it through the kitchen door and stood in the backyard by the pool.

“I’ve been a crummy brother lately and… I know I’m not… look, I just didn’t want you to end up in the music business and be disappointed when you wouldn’t make it. But you are so talented and I was an ass for stealing your notebook when it was personal. Most of what you wrote… sis… have you talked to anyone?”

“I...I don’t know what you’re talking about…” (Y/n) said, looking out over the pool. A stray cat was drinking water from it.

“(Y/n/n)...” he took a breath. “I’m checking myself into rehab, can you promise me you’ll talk to someone… please… Oh and by the time I get out I’m taking Nikki on an awesome Bachelor party.” he tried to lighten the mood. “He loves you and he’s good for you and you’re good for him.”

“I was going to ask you something too. But if Nikki’s already claimed you as a best man…” She smiled at him. “I want you and dad to walk me down the aisle.”

“I would love to short stack,” he said as he pulled her into a big hug. She hugged him back. Athena popped her head out.

“Okay losers, dinners ready. Mom said wash your hands.” Athena told them. Tommy and (Y/n) flipped her off before going in and washing up. They took their seats for dinner. Nikki held (Y/n)’s hand.

“Think we should ask about Vegas?” he whispered.

“Yeah, I think I’m gonna say something.” (Y/n) said, smiling at Nikki. She opened her mouth to say something when Tommy interrupted.

“Okay guys, I have an announcement to make!” Tommy said. (Y/n) looked over at Nikki, who just shrugged. “We just found this out yesterday. Mom, dad, you’re going to be grandparents.” He rested a head on Pamela’s stomach. “Pamela’s pregnant!”

Nikki looked over at (Y/n) and squeezed her hand. He gave her a reassuring smile before looking at Tommy, “Congrats you two.” The aunts all turned their attention to Tommy and Pamela. (Y/n) stood up.

“I’m gonna go grab something from my old room. I’ll be right back.” She said, leading up the stairs. Her parents had let her store stuff in her old room, and had kept it slightly made up just in case she ever needed someplace to go. She shut the door to the room and looked around at everything. She had to breathe. She was letting Nikki down by not giving him kids. She knew it. She sat down on the bed and held her head in her hands.

Athena looked around for (Y/n). Nikki was cornered by the aunts who were asking him about getting (Y/n) pregnant quick. She walked up the stairs and knocked on (Y/n)’s old bedroom door. “(Y/n) it’s Thena.”

“I’m okay. Just looking for something. I’ll be out in a minute.” (Y/n) told her. She started pushing boxes around like she was actually looking. She didn’t want to go out there until she knew for sure that she would be able to keep a smile on her face.

Athena opened the door and walked inside, “you ok?”

“I’m great!” (Y/n) said, giving her a smile. “I’m...great…”

“You can kid Tommy because he’s stupid, but me? No you can’t.” She pulled (Y/n) into a hug. “I know you and Nikki are trying. Have you talked to your therapist recently?”

“I...I actually haven’t been in a few months.” (Y/n) admitted. “I was doing good, so I stopped making appointments.”

“(Y/n/n) that’s not good,” Athena sighed. “You need to call them, make an appointment.”

“I was doing so good ‘Thena. But everyone is having kids and getting married and I was going to say Nikki and I just wanted to go to Vegas and get married and Tommy made his announcement.” She sat down and sighed. “I’m letting Nikki down ‘Thena.”

"Who says you're letting him down?" Athena say with her. "That's all in your head. He loves you and he's happy. If he didn't he wouldn't let Tia Thalia pinch his ass and smile.” she laughed.

"What if he decides he wants a Pamela who can give him kids?" (Y/n) asked.

“(Y/n)?” Nikki called from downstairs.

“Is that what you think? (Y/n) I want you to talk to make an appointment, you can’t think like that.” Athena looked at her sister’s eyes. “What has got you thinking this way?”

Nikki’s footsteps could be heard coming up the stairs. Athena looked to (Y/n) and held her face in her hands. Athena wasn’t sure when her baby sister began to lose her light again but she knew she had to say something.

“I’m going to tell Nikki, he should know…” Athena moved to the door.

"He worries too much and would blame himself. Just keep it between us please."

“But…” Before Athena could argue Nikki knocked on the door.

“Sweet girl are you in here?” Nikki poked his head in and smiled. “Sorry are you guys having sister time?”

"I just came in here to look for something." (Y/n) smiled.

“I’m going to let your fiance talk to you,” Athena walked up to Nikki and smiled. She was tempted to whisper thet (Y/n) needed help but she didn’t want to send her sister over the edge.

"Are you ready to go Nikki?" (Y/n) asked.

“Yeah, are you ok?” Nikki caressed her cheek. “I know Tommy announcing something like that sucks, but I talked to your mom about the wedding…”

"Its ok Nikki." She told him. "Maybe it's a sign to no Vegas?"

“Well I was able to convince your mom to that beach wedding you were talking about,” He smiled and kissed her. “I mean I had to agree to a really huge engagement party but what’s one party your mom throws against an awesome beach wedding?”

“Oh sweetie, you have no idea what you’ve signed us up for.” (Y/n) laughed. “Imagine a Motley Crue concert, but instead of screaming girls and their metalhead boyfriends, it’s a bunch of Greeks.”

Nikki laughed and held her tight, “I love you sweet girl and this is going to happen no matter what. Even if we go to the courthouse to make it official I am marrying you this time.” Nikki held her face in his hands and kissed her. “Think we can get away with a few minutes of hot sex in your old room?”

“They still going after Tommy and Pamela?” (Y/n) asked. “Because if they are, I bet we can.” She kissed him deeply. “Just like old times.”

“They are fussing over her and I was able to get away,” he mumbled against her lips as he pulled her top off her. “I think we’ll be ok.”

“Let me just click the lock into place.” She locked the door, because her luck, Tommy would walk in on them. “How do you want me Mr. Sixx?”

“Want a ride Mrs. Sixx,” he smiled as they both shed their clothes. Nikki was peppering kisses over her body as he led them to the bed.

“I think I like hearing you say that.” She moaned softly. “We just gotta keep quiet, okay?”

Nikki laughed, “think you can do that… Mrs. Sixx,” he whispered against her skin as he sank her down on him. She bit her lip to keep from crying out as she rocked on his cock.

“N-Nikki…” She moaned softly. “F-fuck.”

Nikki brought her mouth to his as he swallowed her moans. He guided her hip on him as she bounced on his lap. She felt amazing on him. It felt even better when they thought about how they could get caught at any minute.

“I...I…” She whispered. He could hit all of the right spots and having her coming undone in minutes flat.

“Cum for me (Y/n),” he said against her lips as he kissed her furiously his hip meeting hers in fast thrusts. She kissed him deeply as she moaned loudly into his mouth, cumming around him. If they had more time, Nikki almost wanted to see how many times he could get her to cum.

“Wanna see if I can make you cum again Mrs. Sixx?” he gave her a devilish smirk before thrusting his tongue into her mouth.

“If you think you can Mr. Sixx.” She moaned into his kiss, loving the feeling of him inside of her.

Nixxi reached between them, his thumb finding her clit as he pressed circles onto it. He wanted to make her cum just one more time before he spilled into her. “Want to feel you again.” She grabbed onto him, moaning as she felt the pressure building up again. She knew she was going to scream if she wasn’t careful. Nikki buried his face into her shoulder as he felt his own pressure build. Her was trying hard not to yell out, but she felt so good.

“When we get home,” (Y/n) panted. “We can be as loud as we want.” She kissed him deeply.

“Fuck yeah,” Nikki murmured against her lips. “I’m close Mrs. Sixx. So close to cumming inside you.” he groaned as he kissed her while thrusting into her, his thumb still circling her clit.

“Cum in me baby.” She whispered as she squeezed his cock, trying to milk everything out of him. “Fill me up.”

Nikki’s thrusts became erratic as he spilled into his he kissed her deeply. When it was all said and done he placed his forehead against hers. “You’ll always be my sweet girl.”

“Promise?” She asked in a soft whisper, almost inaudible.

Nikki gazed into her eyes and smiled, “promise.” She kissed him gently.

“You know, we could climb out the window like you used to when we would fool around up here.” (Y/n) laughed a little.

“That is an idea,” he smiled and kissed her. “It’ll happen,” he whispered. “It might take us some time… but I know it will happen for us.” She was about to say what if it doesn’t. She was about to tell him her fears. But instead, she just smiled and nodded, letting him hold her until Athena knocked on the door.

“Hey you two, mom wants pictures, the aunts are getting ready to sound the horn to get the family all over, and they want to discuss a good date for the engagement party.” Athena told them. “So, stop screwing like rabbits for like five minutes, okay?” (Y/n) blushed.

Nikki chuckled and kissed (Y/n)’s shoulder, “Come on sweet girl, let’s go back to your family.” Nikki helped (Y/n) get dressed and then got dressed himself before opening the door.

(Y/n) kept a smile painted on her face for the rest of the night, feeling Athena’s eyes on her. They set an engagement party date that would work for everyone, and it gave the rest of the family from Greece to get there, as well as all of (Y/n)’s American family. They were told to invite Vince, Vanessa, and Mick, which was a given.

“Is Mick the blond one or the scary, broody one?” Erato asked Tommy and Nikki.

“The broody one,” they echoed and laughed.

“We should go on a ride on our bikes man,” Nikki smiled at Tommy.

“Yeah man, we should.” Tommy smiled. “But, actually, I start rehab in a couple days.”

“Darling niece, is Mick single?” Erato asked while Tommy and Nikki talked.

“Oh my god.” (Y/n) groaned.

Forever Tags: @anathewierdo @dekahg @marvel-af-imagines @feelmyroarrrr @nanie5 @imboredsueme @gemini0410 @aiaranradnay @babypink224221 @mogarukes @xxwarhawk @sandlee44 @shatteredabby @caswinchester2000 @supernaturalwincestsblog @lauravic @mrsambroserollinsacklesmgk @teller258316 @horrorpxnk @tommyleeownsme

Motley Crue Tags: @primal-screamer @waywardprincess666 @twistnet @saint-of-los-angeles @vader-kai @motleyfuckingcruee @sharon6713 @kawennote09 @2dead2function @nikkisixxwiththebass @iamtiber-andtiberismusic @jayprettymuchomw @charlyallise @you-know-im-a-dreamer @sweet-dreams-on-butterfly-wings @estxxmotley @arianareirg @the-normal-potato @nikki-sixxtynine @jjjjjjjoshdun @just-a-normal-fangirl18 @stella20131991 @tarahell @wowilovenikkisixx @i-want-to-shoot-myself @motleycrueee @sams-serialkiller-fetish @getbackhonkycatt @are-you-reddie54321 @flamencodiva @deacyduck @scarecrowmax @major-tom-is-a-junky @anyasthoughts @bandaids-not-groupies @ilovetomkeiferslips

Nikki Sixx Tags: @daisystuffsstuff @unknownoblivion @deakysblueoutfit @fandomshit6000 @sixx-mckagan

Too Young to Fall in Love Tags: @kingbouji3 @leximus98 @thekidbakerinthetardis @crystalbaby12 @shawnsstxtches @knockemdeadgirl @deansgirl1993 @haileynicoleseavey17

#too young to fall in love #Motley Crue #nikki sixx #nikki sixx x reader #nikki x reader #the dirt #dirt!nikki sixx #dirt!nikki sixx x reader #dirt!nikki x reader #dirt!nikki #fanfiction

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artificialqueens · 5 years ago

Text

Missed you (biadore) - adore-trash

A/N: heyooo I'm bacc. The last biadore prompt is : here. Idk how good it is cus I'm sleep deprived and it's 2am. Maybe you'll enjoy, maybe you won't. Idk.

Bye! Xo

___

The face time call was unanswered the first time, then the second, and third. Roy almost gave up on the fourth when Danny answered last second.

"Hey willow! Sorry I was with Courtney. I've missed your face." Danny smiles goofily at the camera, pushing his hair away from his face. It was done up in space buns with pieces falling out at the front, roy thought it made Danny look unbelievably cute, and adore undeniably sexy. It had to have been Roy's favourite style that Danny did with his longer hair.

"I've missed your face too, angel. Why didn't I get to speak to you yesterday? You never replied to my calls. I was worried." Roy mumbles, blushing at his words. He never knew he could feel this way for anyone, especially someone 14 years younger.

"I went out with Courtney, didn't you see the pictures on her account? They're so cute aren't they!" He gushes, bouncing slightly in his seat. Roy's smile vanishes and he nods, biting the inside of his lip to keep form saying anything he would regret. Danny caught on. "What? Did you not like them?"

"No, no. You looked beautiful. As usual." Roy shakes his head, trying to push down the bubbling feeling of jealousy pooling in the pit of his stomach. He couldn't help but be protective over Danny. I mean- fucking look at him. Sex on legs.

"Thank you, baby. What's wrong? You seem sad."

"I'm fine, just stressed. And I'm annoyed that I can't see you until Christmas." It wasn't totally untrue, he was annoyed about it. But as for this moment, he was just mad Courtney got to see his boyfriend and he didn't.

"You need to take it easy, stress isn't good for aging souls."

"Oh fuck off." Roy cackles, cracking a genuine smile.

"There we go! My baby's dimples are back."

"You're so silly."

"There's still something else though, Roy. Just tell me, you know you can't lie to me."

"I know, but it doesn't matter, it's stupid."

"Your feelings aren't stupid, baby. Cmon, spill." If anyone else had said that to Roy he would've scoffed and told them to fuck all the way off, but the way Danny says it sends butterflies errupting in his stomach and makes him want to tell him all his most hidden secrets.

"You've seen Courtney so much recently and I still don't get to see you." Roy mumbles after a beat of silence.

"I'd love to see you, you know that. I'd cancel gigs to see you. But then people would get suspicious and we don't want people to know yet. Plus, she's a part of the tour. It's not like I'm going out of my way."

"You didn't answer my messages, or calls last night. It took me four tries tonight. How many will it take tomorrow?" Roy could feel himself getting agitated, and he didn't want that. A lot of calls he has had with Danny ends with one of them being upset or mad that they can't see each other sooner than December.

"I'm sorry, okay? I've missed her and it wasnt just us out last night, a few of the other girls joined. I didn't even take my phone. When we got back to the bus we all passed out and I forgot to send you a message." Danny replies strongly, but still quiet.Roy could hear the other girls in the background chatting away, and Roy all of a sudden felt guilty for pulling Danny away from it.

"You were busy weren't you?"

"What?"

"Go back with the other girls, sorry for disturbing you. Love you." Roy murmurs, hanging up the call.

~°~

Rot sighed and lugged his oversized bag of Bianca equipment behind him through the back door to the venue. Tonight he was in Florida? No that was last night. Atlanta, that was where he was! Wendy had pissed off to McDonalds for a bit, leaving roy to himself in the dressing room to get himself ready. He took his time doing his makeup, barely greeting Wendy when she came back with a big Mac for him.

"Are you okay, hun? You haven't been yourself."

"Just irritated with myself, I'll be fine tomorrow."

"What did he do?"

"Who?" Roy looks up, mid crease and stares at Wendy, who just gives him that look. "He's been spending loads of time with Courtney and I'm jealous." Roy groans after a second, dramatically dropping his blending brush onto his vanity.

"Oh yeah I've seen all the shit on Instagram. No need to be jealous y'know." She answers, smiling smugly at her long time friend.

"I know that there isn't but I miss him and I now hate this tour all of a sudden for being so fucking long."

"Well finish getting ready we have a show to do, cry to your boy toy later tonight once you got some wine in you, deal?"

"Thank you."

"Crease!"

"YeS!"

~°~

Roy groans and falls onto his hotel bed, all makeup off his face and changed into a sleep shirt and clean boxers. At least he got a hotel tonight and not a muggy bus.

He should probably call Danny. It wouldn't too late back in LA, so Danny would be up. Roy went to pick up his laptop to FaceTime Danny when there was a knock at the door. It's not like Wendy would be up this late, she passes out before she can even take off her makeup. Roy groans and shuffles to the door, checking the peephole- only to find it covered. He sighs and opens the door to see Danny stood the other side with a duffel. Tears well in Roy's eyes and he steps forward to take the duffel from dannys hand, throwing it behind him into the room before pulling him into a bone crushing hug.

"Hey willow." Danny mumbles into his boyfriends neck, pressing a soft kiss onto the skin.

"I missed you." Roy whispers back, imhaling Danny's scent.

"You still jealous?" Danny giggles, leaning back from the hug to look at Roy properly.

"Fuck off." Roy sulks, cupping Danny's face and pulling him into a kiss. God he'd never take Danny's kisses for granted ever again, because fuck me had Roy missed them.

#rpdr fanfiction #biadore #adore delano #bianca del rio #wendy ho #adore trash #canon compliant

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schoolfullofmorons · 5 years ago

Text

title: therapy

description: She sighed softly. "It sounds like you may be developing PTSD. Have you ever tried going in for a trauma screening?"

A sort-of sequel to cigars and constellations.

"You know, you probably could've gone to this thing yourself. I mean, haven't you like - I dunno, been to therapy, like, thousands of times at this point?"

Gary tore his eyes away from the window to stare at Pete, who had both his hands on the steering wheel of the car. The shorter boy had his eyes on the road, hardly paying any attention to his ex-friend. Gary took in a sharp breath in the back of his throat as he stared at Pete's collarbone for a long moment, then looked at his face again.

"Yeah. I mean, I guess. But it's been a few months since getting out of the asylum and- and I don't know. I just thought it'd feel less overwhelming with you here." Gary tried to ignore the way his heart clenched. "You didn't have to come."

Pete's face softened, and he glanced at Gary, his brown eyes reassuring. "No, no, it's fine. I was just curious, Gary. It's been so long, I don't really know how you think anymore."

As Pete's eyes returned to the road, Gary turned his face back out the window. This new therapist had been recommended to him by Pete himself, actually, after Gary and him had had a conversation on the dorm couch, Gary telling him all the things that had been going through his head recently. The office was outside of Bullworth by about ten miles. At first a lump had formed in his throat, wondering if it was possible for him to even do this. Gary had never been able to leave Bullworth unless it was with his family, and he knew his father would never approve of him going. It would ruin the family name, or something. Plus, Gary didn't have his licence. But Pete had offered to drive him once he noticed Gary's week-long hesitation, and now here they were, out on the highway in uncomfortable silence.

It was November, and truth was, Gary had been trying his best to avoid having to do this. His experience in Happy Volts Insane Asylum had terrified him. But with senior year came harder classes, not to mention makeup work due to skipping out on his junior year. Plus with his ruined reputation came constant bullying, both from peers and authority. He wasn't even gonna mention college applications. It was exhausting, and then it was overwhelming, and then it was too much.

"I guess I've grown a lot." Gary mumbled to Pete. "Still can't drive, though."

Pete laughed. "Yeah, I remember that horror story you told me about the DMV guy not letting you get your licence in like, what, tenth grade? I think it was sophomore year, anyway, before everything happened. You said you crashed the car."

Gary winced at the story Pete recited back to him. "Aha. Yeah. That was me."

Truth was, he hadn't crashed any car. He had run a red light, and then a stop sign, and his instructor had looked at him and asked for his mental health history. Already showing signs of impulsive behaviors and violent thoughts, they had contacted his current therapist at the time and they had agreed that Gary shouldn't be allowed to drive. Legally. Ever. He was too unwell for it. Gary remembered the disappointment on his mother's face when she had told him he had been declared legally insane, so much so that he wasn't allowed to be a functioning member of society.

Not sane enough to be independent, but sane enough to get punished like someone with normal needs, Gary thought to himself and glanced at Pete. He felt guilty that he had lied, but he wasn't about to apologize now. Apologizing now meant unpacking why he lied in the first place, and unfortunately that reason was that he had ugly cried in his father's convertible on their way home from the DMV. Too embarrassing. Maybe another time.

"Gary, are you sure you're ready for this? I mean, I know I left super early, so maybe we could get something to eat? I dunno man, you just- I just want you feel good about this. About reaching out for help, I mean."

Pete took in a deep breath and Gary turned to watch him as he talked. "Like, you've always kinda tried to reach out but everyone in Bullworth just fucking sucks so you always get shit on for it. Your therapists have always sucked, that asylum probably sucked, it all sucks. Bullworth doesn't care about you and I want to give you better but I need to make sure you're ready to receive better."

"Petey..." Gary mumbled, feeling overwhelmed from the emotions coming off of his best friend. Ex-best friend. Whatever they were now.

"I just want to make sure you're okay. So like, do you want McDonald's or not? I got paid today at my job, we can get a fry or something."

Gary felt a smile growing on his face, and he raised a hand to wipe his mouth, trying to hide it. "Yeah man. A fry would be dope."

Soon enough, Petey had turned into a McDonald's and parked the car. Before he knew it they were standing in line, and Gary was looking over the toys displayed for the kid's meals.

"When I was little I always wanted one of those stupid cars." Gary told Pete, pointing at the little toy truck they were selling. The line shuffled forward slightly, and Pete turned to look at him curiously. "My dad always said it was too childish, though. He wanted me to have books and fancy oldie movies such as Forrest Gump. Watching cartoons was for babies."

"Your dad's lame." Pete shook his head once, then twice. "Who could think that cartoons are bad?"

"I dunno." Gary laughed and bumped Pete's shoulder with his own. "I always, like, okay. Don't laugh at me for this, but I liked letting you pick movies, cause you'd pick Disney cartoons and they made me feel really happy."

"You always did like The Aristocats." Pete mumbled thoughtfully.

"I think I had a thing for Thomas O'Malley, in all honesty. Maybe I'm a closeted furry or something." He grinned and Pete rolled his eyes.

"I think you have a thing for himbos. I mean, you've had a crush on Jimmy for what? Months?" Pete laughed as Gary's face turned red, and he could feel his heart in his throat, thumping hard.

"Jimmy's... not my crush. He doesn't even- I mean, I haven't even- we haven't spoken, Pete." Gary mumbled in a low voice and his eyes burned as Pete looked at him, really looked at him, and then seemed to understand with a soft 'oh' as he looked away and nodded.

"I mean... he did lead you to my car, didn't he?" Pete asked, but didn't look at Gary. "Didn't you speak with him then?"

"Not about sophomore year." Gary groaned. "God, I really fucked up with him. I fucked him up bad, I fucked up our entire relationship and I don't know how to make it up to him."

"Just talk to him, Gary. I'm sure he'd appreciate it."

"Oh yeah, I guess I'm just supposed to walk up to him and go, 'sorry for almost killing you, James,' and hope he peacefully accepts that." Gary rolled his eyes. "Think logically, Petey. He's gonna be mad - furious, even - and he'll probably yell at me, and frankly, I don't have the mental energy for that right now."

"Well, I'm proud of you for giving it some thought at least." Pete got to the front of the line and put in an order for fries, handing the cashier their money. Gary thought about that for a long moment, about how someone was proud of him despite everything.

When they got back in the car, Gary stole a fry from Pete's hands and laughed at the scandalized look he got in return. He turned on the radio and practically yelled when Nirvana came on, setting to the task of singing Smells Like Teen Spirit at the top of his lungs. Pete laughed at him, then joined him, and the rest of the ride was fun until they stepped out of the car at this new therapist's office and Gary was forced to confront a building he had sworn to himself months ago that he'd never step back into.

Pete let him hold his hand as they walked inside. The waiting room was quiet, almost deathly so, and Gary found that his leg was bouncing with anxious energy before a woman came out and called his name. He was seperated from Pete (who gave him a reassuring smile), and led into the back room.

Gary was traded off to a short, red-haired lady with piercing ocean-blue eyes and a scatter of freckles over her face. She had a tattoo poking out from the sleeve of her jacket, and regarded him with a friendly air that made Gary's head spin. The last time he had had a "nice" therapist - well, let's just say it didn't go so well. As Gary observed her, however, he kept thinking to himself how much she reminded him of Jimmy, and that was a comforting thought in of itself.

"Hello, Gary. My name is Adrian." She closed the door to the small room and led him over to a small couch that he sat down on, fidgeting with the sleeves of his jacket. "What brings you to my office today?"

"Well..." Gary chewed on his bottom lip and looked to the side, his gaze locking on an office plant. It had pretty leaves, and Gary wondered vaguely if he could touch them. "You see, my friend Pete took me to McDonald's today, and I was thinking about my dad. He didn't like for me to get the kid's meals as a child, and he didn't like for me to play with toys or watch cartoons, and I dunno, I think I grew up too fast. And it made me really sad, you know? I just, I've been realizing recently that I don't have to be so angry all the time, I don't have to be on the offensive, but now that I'm relaxing a little everything's been hitting hard."

"I see why you came, then." Adrian's voice was soft. "Parental issues dig deep, I'm glad you can open up about them so effortlessly."

"Yeah. Well, that and I spent twelve months in a mental asylum recently."

Adrian paused, staring at him. He could feel his face burning, and briefly wondered if he had said something wrong before she nodded. "Okay. And what was that like?"

Gary took in a deep breath. "It sucked. Like, really sucked, and now I can't seem to get it out of my head." This isn't going to make any sense, she's going to think you're crazy. "I used to not be afraid of anything, now I feel so scared all the time. It feels like people are watching me, and I'm really- I'm scared someone's going to like, hurt me in my sleep and sometimes I have these really intense nightmares about it and-" Gary looked away as he noticed Adrian's stare, his eyes burning for the second time that day. "Wow, this must all sound really stupid."

"No, no. Keep going." Her voice was reassuring, comforting, and he shifted, nodding.

"Sometimes if people hit me the wrong way I have these really intense flashes like stuff in there is happening again, and then I'll go days and it'll feel like nothing is real... it- it all feels like I'm watching a movie from my own body, like there's- there's stuff in front of me but it's not really there, it's just objects. It feels really strange saying it out loud, but sometimes it comes with these painful headaches and I just don't get it, I'm already on medicine for stuff but-"

"Gary, did something traumatizing happen to you in the asylum?" Adrian was looking at him very seriously, and Gary felt uncomfortable. He nodded. "Can you tell me what it was?" Gary opened his mouth to respond, but then slowly closed it again and shook his head once, twice.

She sighed softly. "It sounds like you may be developing PTSD. Have you ever tried going in for a trauma screening?"

Gary felt his head spin. "PTSD?"

"Yes. It happens when a brain cannot process a painful expierence. Usually comes with flashbacks, nightmares, and in this case," she closed her eyes, "dissociation would mean a special case of PTSD called C-PTSD."

"I..." Gary looked down at his hands. "I had no idea."

Adrian looked down at her clipboard and wrote something down. "I'm going to make you an appointment for a trauma screening, alright? We'll have to see if that's what it is. I can't say for certain with just a one-on-one conversation, but if it comes up that you really do have this, it may be best to get it treated immediately before it progresses so far along that it affects your entire life."

"Does that mean I have to get rediagnosed with everything again? I mean, I'm already diagnosed with-"

"No, no, previous diagnoses don't have to be taken into account just yet. Let's just focus on this for now, okay?" She handed him a paper with an address, date and time on it. He thumbed the paper and then nodded.

"Now, what else has been on your mind? We still have a good fifty minutes before your time is up."

- - -

He hadn't spoken a word to Pete since getting in the car. Pete had tried to talk with him, but once it was clear Gary wasn't saying anything, he had stopped and turned on the radio. Gary stared out the window, watching as the Bullworth sign passed by the car window. His chest tightened.

"Pete?"

"Yeah, man?"

"Well, you see, I have another appointment next week, and I, um..." Gary tripped over his words and Pete was shaking his head.

"No, don't worry about it, man. I'll take you."

"I also have a- a trauma screening-"

"A what?"

Gary went quiet and Pete threw him a glance. "Gary, seriously man, a trauma screening? Why?"

"Adrian thinks I have C-PTSD." Gary fidgeted with the paper in his hand and shrugged as Pete's gasp sounded from beside him. "It's no big deal so please don't worry about it, I just-"

"Gary," Pete was suddenly pulling over the car, and Gary's heart thumped loud in his throat as he put it in park and turned towards him. "PTSD? What the hell happened to you? You've never shown signs of PTSD before, even with your dad."

Gary chewed on his bottom lip and shook his head once, trying to indicate that he didn't want to talk about it, but Pete continued. "Is it the asylum? Did you talk about it with her?"

"N-not a lot..." Gary whispered, stunned by the persistence of Pete's questions. Pete reached over to take his hand and squeezed it.

"Gary, are you okay? I mean like, what happened to you man?"

And then Gary was crying. Pete pulled him into an embrace as loud sobs wracked his entire body, and Pete murmured comforting things in his ear, brushing his fingertips through the taller boy's hair.

His sobs eventually faded into sniffles, and he felt exhaustion weighing down on him heavily. He still didn't speak, but Pete didn't push him too anymore, which made him feel a little guilty. Eventually he offered, "I don't think I can talk about the asylum. I don't think I'll ever be able to."

"It's okay..."

"I don't know what's going on either. You're right. This is new and it's scary and I don't know how to handle it. I promise I'm trying I just..."

"Gary, man, stop. It's okay." Pete sighed softly and squeezed his shoulder when he pulled away. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to pry."

"It's okay." Gary wiped his face and they looked at each other. Pete smiled faintly at him and then pulled away to start the car.

By the time they got back to the school, night was beginning to fall. Gary dragged himself out of Pete Kowalski's car, exhausted, and Pete walked around to hold his hand and lead him inside the gates. When they reached the dorm's doors, Gary could see Jimmy sitting on the steps, spinning a yoyo in his hands absentmindedly. Gary stopped abruptly but Pete tugged him along, whispering reassurance.

"Hey Jim." Pete greeted, and Jimmy looked up. He stood, still shorter than Gary, and looked at their hands twined together with an air of curiousity.

"So, how was therapy?" Jimmy finally said, his voice joking yet serious all at once. Gary planned on letting Pete do the talking before Pete pulled his hand away and shrugged.

"Let Gary tell you about it, man. I got stuff to do." Pete stepped around Jimmy and entered the boy's dorm, and suddenly Gary was panicking in front of his ex-friend turned enemy.

"Um." Gary shifted his weight and rubbed a hand over his face. "I-"

"Have you been crying?" Jimmy reached a hand up to touch his face and Gary practically froze, surprise rippling through him. His face burned as Jimmy's fingers brushed over his cheeks.

"I don't see how that's any of your buisness," Gary murmured, but Jimmy only shot him an exasperated look and rolled his eyes. Taking Gary gently by the wrist, he steered the taller boy inside and led him towards Gary's room.

Gary felt his heart in his throat, not knowing how to respond to any of this as his brain took a mental check out. Jimmy let him go once they were by his own dorm room and then shrugged, looking a little lost himself.

"Look man, I know we aren't on the best terms right now, but I can't hold grudges against someone who's like, actually struggling and trying to better themselves past that or whatever. Grudges are tiring anyway. I just want you to know that like, Pete told me you've been struggling and I'll do anything I can to make sure you don't collapse and cause another schoolwide riot, alright? Don't let it get that bad again. I'm not making the same mistakes twice."

Gary didn't know what to say, processing this new information briefly. "Thank you..." He finally said. After a brief moment of silence Jimmy jerked his head in a silent nod, then turned and walked away, leaving Gary on his own again.

#gary smith #jimmy hopkins #pete kowalski #peter kowalski #petey kowalski #canis canem edit #cce #bully scholarship edition #bse #bully

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mythologymonsterlover · 6 years ago

Text

Male! Porcelain Doll Lover (pt.1)

This is about a single mom in the 1980s looking to find work. Due to an unfortunate situation, she comes across a man who claims to be made out of Porcelain?! what will she and her son do in this small town with a man like this..

warning: some swearing

female reader X Male monster

It was never easy for Jason and me. We had to survive on the food banks because I was not working. My bank got robbed last fall, and they took everything I had left. The children agency been telling me to give Jason to them since, obviously, I can’t even take care of myself right now. However, I managed to find a job suitable enough for me to work at and give me enough time to take care of my son. It’s located in Kansas in the far East and the owner had hired me as a cook who can work though 8AM to 5PM, every Monday through Friday. Really, it a blessing that we only live in Garden city. The rent there is a high so I need to find other ways of making money while working as a cook. We need money badly and I don’t want my kid not wanting to go to school anymore. I can’t get him new clothing and the kids there started to make fun of him for it, to the point where Jason would start begging me not to take him to school. It makes me feel disappointed in myself. So right now, am going to give him and me a good job that gives me a good check.

We left our home on a Sunday morning so we could go job searching. I took a shower at the house and I put on one of my old dresses that was clean enough to put on. Its light blue and original but has this beauty to it that people usually say they love. I also put on some black shoes that were a little worn out, but still look good. I feel bad for how Jason shoes where dirtier than mine though. Just looking at them makes me feel guilty for not being able to provide for my son. He look like he comes from a poor household with nothing in it, but the things he does have are his books and his toy.

When we are ready to leave, he runs out of the door with one of his books and sits in the back. I smile wryly at him and start the car up and headed onto the road.

After 20 minutes on the road Jason turns to me and asks “Mom can we get McDonald please? I’m hungry.”

He looks at me with those eyes of his, I sigh. “Hey, how about we just wait a little bit longer until we eat okay, like an hour or so?”

I am also a bit hungry, but we just need to drive for another hour to get to the main road. I look at him and his giving me one of his pouts faces but it disappears.

“Okay, fine.” He turns his attention back to his book and starts quietly reading. “Thank you.” I said in a soft voice and bring my attention back onto the road.

After an hour of driving to get to the main road, I see a McDonald’s and pull into the drive thru. I look at the cars’ clock and it says 11:40, we just missed breakfasts.

“Hi, what can I get for you today?” a man voice says through the little box, and Jason and I order a double cheeseburger and a Dr. pepper.

I pay for the food and pulled over so we could eat, but suddenly I see the car’s gauges lights come on. “Dammit, why now?” I said in a low irritated voice.

I look on my phone and try to find the closest mechanic and how cheap they are, but the connection around here is bad.

As I keep scowling at my phone Jason looks up at me with a concerned look, “Mama what’s wrong, is everything okay?” I sigh, “yes, everything fine but I’ll need to run into the restraint and ask one of the employees if they have a number I can call. Wait here for just a minute, alright?”

He looks at me a bit puzzled but nods, “Okay.”

As I exit out of the car I look at the McDonald and notice how odd it looks in this environment that we are in. It’s the only restraint in this whole valley and there is nothing else around it except the road. I don’t put too much thought into it since right now I need to figure out where the town is located. I go up to open the front doors of the restraint, but there locked shut. Then I notice words in big capital letters in front of the window that says, CLOSE. I find this extremely odd since ten minutes ago we ordered food, but I look around to see if there are any cars that might belong to one of the workers. Sadly,I don’t see any. I then started to get irritated, but I take some deep breaths to prevent myself from panicking, I try thinking what I can do.

“God, this is almost about to turn into a comedy about a sad middle age mom and her kid asking for a strange man to pick them up off the side of the road.” Saying that I decided that won’t be the case, since Jason and I will just have to walk to the next town.

I spotted a sign saying if we keep going straight, we would enter a small town. looking at the sky, I see it still light out and can make out a building. I sigh once again and close my eyes, I hope there is someone in those buildings that can help us, and I hope Jason and I don’t have to deal with any weirdos.

I head straight to the car to tell Jason what we are going to do. Jason frowns, “Mama you said that everything was okay, what’s wrong with the car?” I look at him a bit guilty, “Nothing really, I just think we need to walk to the next town and ask them if there is anything wrong with the car, that’s all.”

I say in a persuading voice, but to be honest I don’t know if i believe myself. All I can do is say it not a big deal and hope it’s not.

He looks at me suspiciously and gets out of the car, “Are you telling me the truth?” I crouch down to his level. “Yes, everything is fine Jason. We just need to walk a little bit farther to the next town, alright?” I stand up and grab his hand. He looks at me one more time, than he nods and squeezed my hand. “Okay mama.” he says in a sweet voice. As we start walking I look one more time at that McDonald, thinking how its a weird place to put it.

As we kept walking for about 30 to 50 minutes we make it to the little town. It was very quiet but I saw a car parked in front of one of a building.

I smiled a little, “Oh thank god, it would have been terrible if no one was here.” I said to Jason and he nods. As I read the sign on the top of the building it said “The Museum of History.” Huh, I also notice it feels out of place too.

“Mama, this place is kind of creepy.” Jason says has he squeezes my hand harder, I nod. “Yeah, It's alright, this museum does look really old but we will be okay.” I do wonder however if we could go somewhere else, but, as i’m in deep thoughts I hear Jason say something.

“Mom, the door.” I look up and see that the door is open a little. “Huh? Hello?” I say loud enough to be heard, but hear nothing in return. As I loosen my grip around Jason’s hand, he suddenly runs inside the museum.

“Jason, what are you doing!?” I run after him, but I paused at the front door. It has very dim lighting coming from the windows, so it was hard to see, but I could make stairs going up. As I start to walk in slowly I make out a wooden front desk, but no one’s there. Then I see some old looking red furniture in the corner of the room, and in the center there's an old statue of a man with a sword in his left hand who looks strong. I look around a little more and I call for Jason.

“Jason, come here please!” I keep calling until I hear feet running upstairs. “Jason…?” I say in a low tone. The atmosphere suddenly becomes very cold. I than worry even more for Jason’s safety in this creepy place, and i’m scared shitless. Yet, I don’t let my fear eat at me and reluctantly go up the stairs.

Each step I take makes a creaking noise, like the wooden boards will break any minute. I make it to the top though, and see a light at the end of a hallway. It engulfs the end of the corridor very brightly, and very faintly I can hear murmuring between two people. One sound like a man’s voice and the other a kid’s voice. “Jason?” I whisper.

I walk down the hallway to were the murmuring is coming from. When I come closer to the noise I see a wooden door that has a very bright light coming from underneath the crack, and for a strange reason the door looks very familiar to me, but I don’t know why.

“Mommy?” I hear a voice say. I notice it Jason’s voice and I could hear the door knob beginning to wiggle, and a moment later Jason comes out and gives me a big hug. “Jeez Jason, why did you run off like that? You made me worried.”

He looks up at me momentarily, “Sorry mommy..” I inhale a big breath and sigh; I don’t know why Jason would just run away, even when he said that this place freaks him out too. Am about to open my mouth again, but he cut me off before I can say anything.

“-Oh mommy, this man wants to talk to about the car. I told him that we were tired from walking to this place.” he says this and I pull away and feel I chill go down my spine.

“Jason, what man were you talking to?” Jason points his finger inside the room. Sure enough, I can make out a man’s figure seating in a chair.

I take a sharp breath when the figure turns around and looks at me, he looks very much like a… porcelain doll. He has a nice figure and a very clean face, but his eyes were dead like fish.

“Ah…” the strange looking man says suddenly that breaks the silence between us. He gets up out of the chair and walks toward Jason and me. As the man get closer, I grab Jason’s’ hand and bring him closer to my side.

The man notices my reaction and stops about three steps away from us. He looks me straight in the eyes, and I can see him more closely to where I notice his strange white hair as well, which are the color of clouds.

“u-mm…” I say very awkwardly as he stares at me. He smiles a little, “Hello, my name is Simon, and am the owner of this museum. Your son was talking about you looking for someone to fix your car, correct?”

he says in a deep but gentle voice. I open my mouth hesitantly, “Yes, um, we were just looking for a phone.. that we could use?” Simon glass face shapes a smile and his glass eyes beam. “I see.” He lifts one of his sleeve up and look at his a watch and frowns a bit, but then he put his sleeve down and looks up again.

“It getting quite late, it probably would be best if you stayed here for tonight, the towing company is closed during these hours anyhow and you both look exhausted.” He walks past us and out into the hallway, “Please, have a seat and I will get you both some food and drinks if you like.” I see that there are two other chairs beside his, but I look down at Jason and try and figure out how to escape this situation.

I clear my throat I say with a smile, “No, I think we are alright, but thanks anyhow.” I try to walk out of the room with Jason, however the man stares at us more worriedly. “ I understand that you would probably feel a bit uncomfortable about staying here, but I promise you it’s more dangers to go outside right now.” He then comes up to me and places his hand carefully on my arm. Even his hand looks like glass.

“Please, I have a room upstairs that you and your son can stay in; if you like I can show you it right now.” Simon walks past us and goes up the hallway to were another set of staircases is. I look at him questionably, “Why… do you want us to stay?” he flickers his eyes to Jason and then looks at me with emotionless eyes and sighs, “I would like to tell you but I rather we did it in privet, you know, not in front of your boy.” I raise an eyebrow and let go of Jason hand, he gives me a worried expression.

“Mommy?” His startled eyes look at me, but I pat his head with a smile.

“It okay baby, this will only take a minute.” He looks at me with uncertainty but speaks up to him. “U-Um sir, where should I sit at while you and mommy talk?” he says this very shyly. Simon eyes simmer and he forms the softest smile I ever seen. “Jason, if you could please sit in that room, that would be great.” Jason nods and heads off.

I look at Simon and he walks to the edge of the stairs and sits down. “Please sit.” I come to where he points at slowly, being very cautious. As I sit next to him, the air becomes cold again and sends a cold sweat down my spine. To say he didn’t give me the creeps would be an understatement.

He began to speak gently. “To tell you why you shouldn’t leave, I need your full attention.” I nod, and he lets out a sigh and starts talking. “You see, this town has a lot of death in it…Its seems that people who come to live here die in many ways, however, no one knows why so many people die here.”

I look at him very surprised. Did he just say people die here for some strange reasons? He notices my expression and begins to keep speaking. “I know this may sound strange and frightening... But am not kidding. A lot of people have died here and it usually happened during the night.”

He was looking at me sadly now, and I didn't know how to react. “What do you mean by people die here? Are you saying there is a killer on the loose?” he looks at me very worriedly and begins to speak again in a slower tone.

“I…I am not sure why a lot of people are dying here, I don’t remember...” He says this with a very forlorn look on his face. “To be honest, I don’t even know what day it is…” I’m confused by his words and frown a bit. “What do you mean you don't know what day it is?”

Simon gives me another emotionless face. “I been here a long time, I barely know what it's like to see another person.” I feel almost saddened by his words but also worried. He gives me a calm look. “I’ve been here for about eighty-nine years...” He says casually. I’m taken aback by his words, since he not only looks to be in his late thirty to early forties, but because his seems so serious about it. “ what are you trying to say?” I prompt him, but he suddenly moves his hand to touch mine. “Do you not remember me?” I am startled by his touch, but do recall of a man in my head, a man who looked just like Simon.

However, instead of telling he did look familiar, I pulled my hand away. “I’m sorry, but I think I should grab my son now.” He doesn’t say anything for a moment, but then shrugs. “Alright, that’s fine.” He looks at me very sadly, and before I can stop myself I speak out some words unexpectedly. “Listen, since it does look really dark now, I think I will take you up on that offer. Jason and I will probably stay the night.” As I sit their questioning why I said that, his eyes light up and his up on his feet in no time. “ That very good news to hear, let me show you two to the room.”

well, I think to myself, too late to speak up now.

As me and Jason stay the night, we are greeted with breakfast in the morning and all of us sit at the table. Simon makes us food a couple of more times throughout the day, and his cooking is amazing. Yet, I have this undying question to ask him why he looks so much like a porcelain doll. He doesn't look bad at all, to be honest, he looks stunning, But from what he said last night about being eighty nine years old leaves me baffled. I take him to the side of the kitchen and speak to him privately. “ Simon, you said you are eighty nine years old...and you asked me if I know you? why?” He almost looks relieved when I asked him, and turn his head toward me.

“You see, I'm not human, I’m a porcelain doll... Also, you look like my former wife.” I look at him like he just slap me in the face.

“Your joking right? Sure you look different, but you just had plastic surgery right?” he shakes his head back and forth.

“No, I was cursed when I was thirty nine, and I now live in this shallow shell of a body darling.”

I step back from him, thinking he must be on drug or something. Okay, maybe this was a bad idea to stay here with this guy. He frowns softly and steps closer to me. “You don't believe me, do you?”

he grabs my hand and places it to his face, and I could feel it. The glassy touch of his skin, and I become frozen with fear. “I’m sorry, I know this is hard to understand, but i'm being honest.” He slowly and delicately moves some hair behind my ear. he leans forward a little more until our faces are just inches apart, and I can hear my heart hammering in my rib cage.

“You look so much like my wife, before the years took her away from me...In fact, I dare say you must me her.”

I suddenly feel light headed and before i can say anything, everything turns black.

I wake up in a bed not mine and see Simon next to me worriedly, as well as Jason.

I react fast, grabbing Jason by his arm and bring him close to me. “mommy?” he says surprisingly. “What the hell are you Simon? huh!?”

I look at him with daggers in my eyes and he calmly sit at the end of the bed. “I’m a cursed soul inside of a glass shell, my lady.”

He then gets up and walks to the door. “We can talk more once you feel comfortable enough, until then, relax.”

#porcelain doll lover #reader/monster #monster x human #porcelain lover #monster lover #cursed boyfriend #monster boyfriend #girl reader x monster #girl reader #porcelain boyfriend #exophilia

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