#then the little bastards start killing or getting killed

[botslayer]

If the fire, sulfur, black iron, and devils every which way didn't give it away, both of us aren't in a place you want to be after you die. I'd offer you a drink but the only things they offer you usually came out of... Well. You. My own blood has a pretty good palete.

You don't have to panic. Not yet. You aren't dead, again, not yet. You're only here because everyone gets a fair warning. So change your ways, yadda yadda, find Christ, yadda yadda... Can you tell my heart isn't in it? Good. At least they'll vary up the torture for it. You get sick of eating hunks off of yourself and still being able to feel it the whole time.

Oh... You want to know what I did for that punishment? Well. It started when I was alive. I killed a man in self defense. Robber broke in, I shot him. And it was all down hill from there. I moved out to the woods after the third guy... Mostly because the best I could do there was plead manslaughter.

Anyway. I bought a plot of land not too far from a hiking trail, built a little shack. Turned it into quite the operation. I was a one-man Sawyer family. I had butcher knives, cleavers, cutting boards, sausage stuffers... I remember the first time I ate a man in those woods. The first woman was alright. I screwed up the spices for her liver, though. Live and learn. All in all? I musta got about twelve or thirteen hapless hikers where they needed to be. And I ate like a king for six years.

Why only six? Throw another skull on the fire and I'll tell you... Thank you. See. One night, another guy came traipsing up the path. Another lost and weary traveler. Two in one day, would you believe it? But winter was coming. So a quick stock up in the event of being snowed in was necessary. Problem was I was outside having a smoke and I was still draining the latest one. If he saw that there'd be no mistake what I was up to.

So here comes a seven foot slab of man. Treating the cold around him like it wasn't much of an issue. One thin hoodie over a thin T-shirt and some overalls. I took to a short conversation with him as I sized him up. He had about a foot of height on me and he was built. Big country, cornfed son of a bitch.

"Who're you?" "Who are you?" "Why are you on my property?" "You can own property this close to a hiking trail?" So on and so on... And then I asked if he knew how to get back to the trail. It was getting dark, you see. I offered to help him back if He'd just let me nab my hiking boots. He agreed and I tried to circle around him. I figured he would still be looking at my front door. Waiting like a big old dog.

But when I exited the side, butcher knife in hand, he was holding a woodcutter's axe. Still looking at the door though. I could tell his tool wasn't mine. Crazy bastard must have had it strapped to his back... I took the chance and leapt at him from the side. He shook me off but the fight forced the door to my cabin open and he got a good look at the woman on the hook. I had left the TV on and was listening to it as I smoked, lit her up enough to see.

I'll remember until eternity, when else is there to remember to down here? But I'll remember until eternity what he said after I got to my feet. "Well... This is awkward," and I think it was a joke. I don't know. But I couldn't help but laugh. "I suppose it is."

But we looked at each other... And we kept sizing each other up. I knew my chances of surviving a face-to-face fight with a bigger man with more reach were minimal... If I recall correctly, he didn't want to fight. "We don't have to do this. I could help you butcher if you want..." But I tell you no lie when I tell you meeting a kindred spirit. One so forceful. One so... Comparatively Jovial. I was in love. And love makes us all do crazy things.

The next few minutes for both of us was a game of hack-and-seek. And we were both it. I don't know if he felt the same, but I think we were both having fun slinking around my house and yard. It was a hell of a way to spend my last hour or so on Earth.

But he caught me. I rounded just the wrong corner and he had me by the scruff of my neck. His weapon, unwieldy as it was with a single hand gave me just the time I needed. I stabbed him in the throat just in time to feel the axe crack though my rib cage and split my heart. I died on top of him... I remember trying to kiss him but I don't think I got close enough to his chin.

And now I feel it is another punishment for me. To never see my darling Francis again... I take some solice knowing he hasn't seen me, either... Maybe it means he felt the same. Who can say?

... Your presence in this realm is fading... Well, your arm is translucent, that's usually a dead give away, no pun intended... Just remember. Change your ways. Or you might end up with a good view of what's happening to everyone else while what happens to you, whatever it is, goes on and on. And on. And on. And on. And on.

After successfully leading your next target to your murder-shed in the woods, they pull out an axe from themself and proclaim "oh, this is awkward."

[jumpingjoltiks]

Would you consider writing some enemies to lovers with Emmet or Ingo? 🥲

YES!! I WOULD LOVE TO.

Dearly Detested

Pairings: Emmet x gn!Reader

Warnings: None :)

You and Emmet have known each other since you were both in school - Rival Classmates

While you're both equally intelligent and passionate about battling, you have better social skills then he does. and it pisses him off.

No matter whether he beats you in a battle or not, your classmates still side with you. It isn't fair!

In your mind, this uppety jerk has been far too blunt with you. He's insulted your battle strategies, insisted that bug types (ugh, ew!) are the best, and has generally been a pest demanding battles from you.

Thankfully, once you're old enough, you're able to part ways and go on your separate journeys. You both breathe a sigh of relief at never having to see the other again.

Cut to many years later, you've just started work in Nimbasa, and who do you happen to see on a local billboard - surely it couldn't be that smug bastard and his shithead twin?! No way they're so successful!

Oh you have to beat him in battle.

You pick out the strongest members of your team and start to challenge the double lines.

It's... much harder than you expected. You're not used to double battles, but you're determined to knock that stupid grin off his face.

Emmet, meanwhile, is very satisfied watching his old rival get their team knocked out again and again.

When you finally reach him, he's almost impressed. Almost. But he can't help rubbing it in your face a little.

"I am Emmet. You have spent a long time getting to my car. Do not worry. This will be your final stop."

You're so angry that you let it get to your head, and you lose. Badly. All of your hard work and here you stand, humiliated.

"What a shame. I expected better from you. But you know, in a Double Battle, if you misread one thing, the rest will be totally different. Please win 20 battles in a row, and fight with me again."

You're going to kill him. You're actually going to kill him.

The next time you come through, you have a new strategy. It works well for you. You work through his team methodically - this time you won't let your emotions get the better of you - and you come out victorious.

"Not bad! That was a verrry exciting battle. It was fun! The next time you challenge me, I won't lose."

Your ire has been cooled by your victory. Despite yourself, you find that challenging the subway has been the most fun you and your team have had in a while. So you go again. And again.

Your battles with Emmet are always new and exciting. You try to come up with as many interesting strategies as you can, and you can tell he's doing the same. You challenge each other. It's fun to have someone who can keep up with you.

Emmet has been keeping an eye on you during your battles. There's a lot you can tell about someone from the way they fight with pokemon. You're different then how you used to be - smarter. Nicer too. You treat your team so well, even when you lose you're never upset with them.

Over time, bitter banter makes way for a certain playfulness between you. You've been fighting for so long that most of the bad blood between you has been washed away with the flow of time.

One autumn afternoon, you're buying popcorn for a flick at the local movie theater, and who should happen to saddle up beside you but the subway boss.

"Look what the purrloin dragged out! Didn't realize you ever left the tunnels."

By wild chance, he's here to see the same movie that you are. You sit together because you know each other and it's convenient. Definitely not for any other reason, you tell yourself. Certainly not because you're friends.

When it's over, you still have much of the afternoon left. You could go home, or...

Neither you nor Emmet want to part ways quite yet. What a difference from how you used to be, when you couldn't wait to get away from him. You spend most of the afternoon together, walking through one of the local parks and just talking. It's nice. You have more in common then you thought you would.

Perhaps this could be the beginning of something wonderful.

Thanks for reading 💕

Emmet happy that he won and reciting his script vs Reader wanting to gut him

[libras-interactives]

Downloaded agot ck3 mod, made the perfect Lady Arryn to romance Ned Stark for the ultimate The Last Spring realness, got pregnant from him, told Ned, he exposed my bastard secret and papa Jon Arryn imprisoned me 10/10

I love you for this ...... 10/10 indeed 🤌🏾

[artkaninchenbau]

People keep on asking for more Baby Robin and Papadile so here is more Baby Robin and Papadile. Now never ask anything from me ever again

[beef-brisket]

In a spark of electricity, Vox teleported back to his tv station. He couldn't fucking believe him. He knows Adam felt him. He was fucking screaming- he fucking came!

Vox: Stupid- deer fuck! How the fuck am I meant to compete with that short bastard!? Fucking... what the fuck... where did I go fucking wrong?

He turned to his screens and snapped his fingers, turning them on. The screens showed Adam and Rosie making their way to the hotel. That fucking hotel.

Vox: He wouldn't fucking like you- if he knew what you were like back when you first got here~. Thinking you're all high and fucking mighty- you're nothing. You're just as bad as the rest of us. Fucking murder, manipulator, cannibal- fucking... liar.

Vox smiled, opening a file completely dedicated to Adam. From the second, Vox found out about him. When he saved him from those sinners. Trying to tear him apart.

Vox: Oh, I have plenty of proof to make him see who you really are~.

Vox laughed, making his screens glitched and electricity fire off in random directions.

Adam eyed a few screens flickering in a shop window. He hates how much influence Vox has around Hell. He sighs and goes back to his conversation with Rosie.

Of only Vox didn't act like Vox. Maybe they could have had a partnership.

Rosie: Are you alright, Ad?

Adam: Yes, Rosie. Don't mind me! Just... my mind over working itself...

Rosie: You're a terrible lair, hun. I know this is about Vox. You two used to be so close! What happened?

Adam: ...He meant so much to me. But he changed. He met Valentino and became obsessed with him. But that was before he realized who Valentino was. I didn't care for the bastard. Now, I despise him.

Rosie: Ah, yes. Little Angel Dust is a member at the princesses hotel, isn't he?

Adam: He is. He's come so far. Further than I thought he would ever come. He's an amazing young man who's made some stupid choices. But he's getting there. The only thing holding him back is that damn moth. But I can't touch him. Not without starting an all-out war.

Rosie smiles: That doesn't sound like a bad thing~.

Adam: I know, my dear. But it'll cause more problems than it'll solve. Who knows, maybe thos angel will do us all a favor~.

Rosie laughs: Amen~!

Adam laughs, linking Rosie's arm with his and patting her hand: You're KILLING me, my dear! You're too much!

Rosie: Oh, you flatter me!

Adam: I would like you to stay with me. At the hotel. I need to make sure that you're safe, Rosie.

Rosie: Adam. Such a doll. I'll be fine! I'm tough!

Adam: Oh, I know you are. But I'm allowed to worry.

Rosie: I know. But I'm sure the princess wouldn't like my dietary requirements.

Adam: Hm. I could convince her~.

Rosie: Stop it, you. I'll be fine. I promise!

Adam kissed her cheek: You better keep in contact. Or I'll hunt you down myself!

Rosie: I know you will~.

They walked up the driveway to the hotel. What a long day. Adam's mind is swimming, and so is Rosie's. This calls for a nice pot of tea.

Lowkey want an au where Adam has Alastors' powers.

The tentacles

The eyes

The changing size

The shadows

The sass

The deal making

Him owning Husk and Nifty

The musical numbers

The radio control

The tentacles- have I mentioned that before?

The rivalry with Lucifer

Maybe he replaces Alastor entirely. No Alastor. Only Adam. It's always been Adam.

Thanks for coming to my tedtalk.

Only Adam lol This is good! His Husk and Nifty could be Lute and Peter.

He doesn't have to smile all the time does he?

Yessss, and he plays rock instead of jazz lol And yes of course there is a rivalry lol

[camgoloud]

he still has his tonsils. by the way if you even care

[toytulini]

me, stupidly and weirdly resistant to listening to audio books vs reading a physical book for no real reason: man i wish there was a way to like, read a book while i crochet like i do with tv shows and movies and podcasts

[fourswords]

one au idea i think would be super funny is if shadow somehow figured out that vio was only pretending to be on his side so he could get information and kill him like. almost immediately. like instead of them having time to actually get attached to each other that whole thing is foiled before it starts. and so instead of shadow flying into a rage because of a betrayal instead he's like "y'know what fuck it i can do that too" and starts talking like this whenever vio fishes for information

[catgirljaneway]

everytime i see something about tuvix i am filled with inhumane rage ngl

[euclydya]

callout post 4 our mind and heart btw:

say they want each other dead, yet caught preening each other's wings and gossiping earlier 🤔

[justascrollingghost]

It’s 4am, I’ve just finished ACOTAR and I’m pure raging that Rhys just upped and left after what was a clear mating bond snapping into place. Where the fuck you going mate?! Get your ass back here NOW!

[bitchfitch]

I wrote most of this last week but i just finished this chapter and By God i need to make people look at it. There's at least four chapters between where the fic currently stands and this one so it's going to be Ages until i get to post it to ao3. (if ur in the mgw server pwease don't read this dbdbd the second half is my submission for this period lmao)

The Erdtree towered above, it's golden branches shedding leaves like a blizzard did ice. The rot was doing its job. Spreading from where the Halligtree's roots tangled with the Erdtree's. The scarlet lines etching the golden bark in deep relief as it flaked away from the disease it had helped bare into the world.

The thrones before it's entrance, six instead of the rightful eight, were exactly as Miquella remembered them. His and Malenia's were still pulled out of the perfect ring of the others. Sat closer together and out of line. It felt fitting now. The perfect ring of Malenia's and Radagon's children symbolizing the stagnant order they had cast the lands in, only to have it broken by those who now came to claim what was theirs by birthright.

Miquella let his hand brush along the sun warmed wood of his as he passed, Malenia doing the same to hers without knowing he'd done it too.

He smiled to himself, throwing a look over his shoulder to where Mohg still stood at the entrance. His head tipped back as he looked to boughs above. It was impossible to have never seen the Erdtree, but to be at it's base for the first time must have been something spectacular. Though, it was disdain writ in the lines of his face. Unabashed and kept in full view. His knuckles going pale around his trident as he came to face the embodiment of his exiler's theology.

"Mohg," Miquella called to him, turning away from the tree and holding a hand out to him.

Mohg shook his head, took a breath and came to him. Taking his hand in his and brushing his thumb over Miquella's wedding band. His eyes fixated on it before meeting Miquella's.

"You will return to me," He said it as a statement.

"Of course. This is merely a formality," Miquella would have continued with a further reassurance, some promise or lilly scented statement about a day these thrones would be relegated to memory as the three admidst the boughs of the Halligtree became the crown of their dynasty, but his sisters prosthetic being unsheathed and her voice calling out interupted him.

"Incoming," Malenia warned the second before an omen Miquella had only ever seen in Mohg's most devastating and loss filled nightmares landed hard on the bricks between them and their goal.

Morgott stood. His face the angry grimace of a warrior who knows they will soon die in a final, pointless, stand.

Malenia stood her ground, giving the King of Leyndell a chance to accept defeat before blood was spilled. Miquella didn't hesitate a moment. His hand tightening around Mohg's as he pushed his way into Morgott's head. Searching out the threads of his will so that he could pull them loose and weave them anew, only to find a steadfast golden will. A web with no loose ends. Morgott's disgust at his own being and countless years of faithful stubborn service to the Order protecting him from Miquella's tampering.

"Traitors. You are all Traitors," Morgott growled. Miquella felt that golden net constrict, and set itself into a new kind of grim determination. Another dagger thrown and knocked away by the pole of Mohg's trident. Morgott had no chance against the true blooded gods, but he could drag Mohg down with him.

Mohg was gone from his side as soon as his shock gave way to dread. His hand held out to his brother, his trident kept lowered in a show of peace.

"Stand aside, Morgott. It is over. There's no-" his pleading masked as an order cut off as a golden dagger narrowly missed his head. A warning shot, the second dagger already forming in Morgott's hand.

Morgott launched up and summoned his hammer to bring it down on his own blood. "Traitors who would taint these grounds with our curse-" He wouldn't have missed if Mohg hadn't flown back, "-And ruined blood." Another swing another dodge.

Malenia recognized the focus Morgott had on Mohg Taking the opportunity she grabbed Miquella by his arm and dragged him towards the entrance to the tree. "This is not our battle. He will handle it."

Miquella nearly tripped over his own feet attempting to keep up with her while still he struggled to find a crack in Morgott's mind to worm his way into.

It had been centuries since the omen twins last spoke, dead to each other as they were, but still Miquella knew his husband well enough to recognize the grief Morgott's death would cause. He knew his own spell work well enough to know such grief would override Miquella's control of him and let him see all that Miquella has taken.

Morgott cast a spear their way while Mohg stumbled to right himself after taking a blow from Morgott's staff. He lead his shot to attempt to guarantee a hit. Miquella dug his heels in to stop Malenia barreling into its silent path. Again attempting to use Morgott's focus on them to worm into his head, and again finding those self imposed barriers of gold blocking his way as surely as the thorns at the entrance if Erdtree blocked their physical path.

Mohg stole Morgott's focus back, snagging his brother's tail with the prongs of his trident. Still so careful to avoid seriously hurting him as he pulled it back and sent Morgott into a roll.

Malenia forced her still living hand between the thorns, Miquella's joining hers as he gashed himself on the thorns. She called her rot through the brambles and he forced his blood into the cracks it carved to carry the disease deeper until it could clot at the branches bases. She shoved his shoulder to guide him through their carved path before she followed.

The gash in the Erdtree let it's fading light fill the dark and empty void within itself. Their mother hung by her wrists from the last arc of the shattered elden ring. Her head lolled forward, her stone like corpse limp and crumbling. The last vestiges of gold pulsing through the cracks as the arc shattered and dropped her to the ground before her youngest children.

Gold to red, the old god Marika had courted so long ago taking her body and standing in unnatural halting movements. His hand grabbed the handle of the hammer Marika had used to shatter the ring. Radagon's face was impassive as he stared down his true born heirs.

Malenia went on the offense first, her blade cutting through the air nearly too fast to see it's arcs. The razor edge cutting deep into his flesh as she stole his attention. Miquella didn't try his tricks, instead he again brought the blood coursing through his veins out of his wounds. Slashing at Radagon's back with it and forcing it into the cracks of him. Radagon swung his hammer, knocking Malenia's blade away before bringing it down on Miquella. He pulled more from his veins to give himself a shield the moment before the hammer could connect. It protected him from the brunt of the strike even as he was knocked to the ground. He struggled to keep his focus split between the blood within Radagon and the pool that he cowered beneath. His shield began to fail, he let go of his attack to focus on keeping his barrier up as he rolled away. Malenia continued her assault, uninterrupted as Radagon focussed on Miquella, until he was turning on her and cracking his hammer into her ribs. She gasped for breath, her chest stuttering as her godhood struggled to heal the wound before her splintered ribs could pierce her heart.

Miquella surged, forcing his shield to be a discuss and embedding it in the gaping chasm of Radagon's side. Even as Radagon turned on him, Miquella kept his focus, making his blood burst in a matte of thorns and vines deep within Radagon's chest. The hammer cracked into Miquella's leg, shattering the bone and making him crumple with a pained shriek. Still he kept his focus. He sent the new life surging through Radagon's dry veins and ripping through his skin. He staggered, Malenia took the opportunity. Her blade cut true, their fathers head rolling as his body slumped.

Both knew that was only the beginning. Miquella called the blood he had cast out back to himself, he couldn't risk his own veins running dry when the fight had only just begun. His leg burned with crushed veins, his pain tolerance having not been finally built through countless battles as Malenia's had been. Sha kept her attention fully on Radagon's corpse, backing towards where her brother fell to stay between him and what was to come next. Miquella's hands pressed against her ruined side his magic worming under her skin and huredly binding her injuries, his own being less important in that instant.

The moments respite didn't last long. Finally unbound from human flesh, their true parent rose. It's amorphous form warping the world around them and casting the hollow they had battled in into a new shape.

The Elden Beast, the outer god at the heart of this all, made the world accept it in its trueness, and in doing so unbound it's children from the weight of this reality.

Malenia's wings of rot spread, the patches of decayed flesh accross her body morphing into iron hard chitinous plates that melded with her prosthetics. Her helmet splitting as her own godhood crowned her in bone melting fungal growths. She soared. Her grace and speed un-matched when she was constrained turning to a blur of perfectly controlled violence in her trueness.

Her cloak of wilted flowers matched her brothers limp moth like wings. Their silken membrane bending like fabric or petals when he moved. He couldn't soar, he couldn't match his sister in battle. But he could lend her support. Unconstrained he let himself melt and meld with the world around them. Reshaping it once more to match their needs. Saplings sprouted from sun drenched red soil. Their growth accelerated by the blood he spread into them until they shot up impossibly high in moments. The Elden Beast attempted to avoid the torrent of attacks from one twin, only to be speared through by the other. Malenia lopped off it's tentacle like wings, Miquella made the branches of his trees flare and their bases crumble. Pulling the Beast down from its inside to pin it while Malenia finished the job. Her blade found its mark. She pierced through it's gelatinous head and into the glowing eye. It's attempts at battle looking more like the flailing of caught animal as she sent a shockwave through it. Splitting it open in gush of golden sparks and rain of blood.

The world around them turned bright, Miquella reformed whole and new once more as the reality they inhabited constrained itself. He heard Malenia land behind him but saw only the unalloyed gold of their future.

They'd done it.

Breathless, his heart twitching and spasming in a wasted effort to push blood through his empty veins. His father was defeated. The outer god responsible for their existence vanquished and reduced to nothing more than the Elden Ring it had forced into this world.

His eyes burned with the lingering searing light, and when it faded he was knelt before the crumbling corpse of his mother. The Elden Ring glowing bright within the cavity of her body, her broken off head laying on the ground between them. Her soul still clinging to it long after life had left her.

He felt his twin's hand on his shoulder. He put his own over hers and stood.

Together they reunited their mother's head and body, and together they plunged their hands into her chest.

Together they shredded the Queen and her god consort. Together they took the power of an outer god, and together, as the only full blooded empyreans amongst their siblings they at long last completed their accession and took their rightful place as King and Queen.

At long last, the twin gods of rot and growth did away with the stagnation of what came before them.

For the briefest moment upon stepping from the dark of the dying erdtree and into the blazing sunlight Miquella believed the glory of this day had only grown.

Mohg knelt in the center of the ring of destroyed thrones. The battle he'd been left to wage while Miquella and Malenia made their final bid having destroyed the only place all the grace born demigods had conviened peacefully.

Mohg knelt there in the center of one of the many places the graceless first born twins were never supposed to see. His shoulders heaving with life and breath, his brother held tight in his arms.

Miquella grinned, and stepped forward. The day had been won on all fronts. Morgott was an overly loyal fool but clear as the sky above was it to Miquella that he'd been saved from being a final sacrifice to the Golden Order.

Malenia's hand was on his shoulder again. Holding him firm instead of greeting as it had before. A sharp flick of her other, the still slick blade of her prosthesis flinging golden blood onto the soiled stones as she drew her blade once more.

The arm over Mohg's shoulder was limp. Mohg shook, Morgott was still.

One half laid his other down against the blood drenched ground. His hand under his twisting horns to soften the motion and not hurt what is already gone.

He leaned over his brother, pressing their heads together one last time before standing and turning to face those he had given everything for.

Miquella could see now that Mohg's mind was no longer clouded by his spells. No aching obsession coiled around his every thought. No desperate need to please and aid and serve that bordered on madness.

Miquella had promised him a place as lord consort. Had replaced the nightmares that haunted him with dreams of a dynasty born from love and blood that would have never rejected him or Morgott or all the others like them.

Now that they stood over his brother's corpse promises felt like they were worth nothing more than the breath they had been spoken with.

Mohg held his hand out to his side, his trident flew into it. Miquella's strength was nothing compared to Malenia's still he grabbed her arm and held on with all he had to stop her lunging and slaughtering the painfully mortal demigod before them.

"Mohg-" Miquella was a newly minted god king. His voice sounded like a child's in that horrid moment.

"Leave me," Mohg's words were short and cold. His eyes downcast and looking everywhere but Miquella. They had dreamed of this moment for so very long. Of reuniting and falling into eachothers embraces as King and devoted Lord.

Or Miquella had dreamed that, and he had made it Mohg's dream too.

Malenia pulled Miquella behind her, putting herself in the position of his guard as she had so many times before. Staying between him and his husband like the meager Lord of Blood could ever pose a threat to a true god. She guided him away. He hesitated and pulled, weak in the knees and exhausted from the battle, but insisting still on taking slow and halting steps. Hoping to catch Mohg's eye at least once. Hoping desperately to see something other than hate within them.

Mohg wouldn't even look at him.

Malenia pushed on his back. Broke his line of sight until they were out of the throne room and escaping to what had once been their mother's bed chamber.

They had achieved all that they had dreamed. They had become all that they were always meant to be.

Yet he felt only cold dread over the potential loss of a pawn he had always intended to be disposable.

[vaguenotions]

Oh, yes, I just love your unannounced sleepover where you both come back from the bar after carefully avoiding telling me that's where you were going, and also neglecting to tell me when you'd be home! I definitely do not want to knock you on your ass and take a bat to your dome! That would be rude and unnecessary :)

Oh yes, please do start talking about shit amongst yourselves and make me feel isolated and othered in ny own room! These moments are what I live for, of course. Naturally. Who would ever have any issues with this arrangement at all?

[themirokai]

I got this comment on a story from my Other AO3 Account this morning.

(Info redacted because I prefer keeping these accounts separate but no one follows me on the side blog I have for that account.)

The story was posted almost a year ago and is relatively “popular” by my average statistics even though it has tropes and themes that are big turnoffs for a lot of people (hence separate accounts). This popularity is undoubtedly because it’s a Marvel Loki story and that fandom is massive.

So there is obviously an algorithm or a bot scrubbing ao3 statistics and leaving this comment on fics that meet a certain metric with the main character of the fic inserted into the comment.

I had a little time to kill this morning so I decided to investigate further. And y’all this is so predatory. Come on this journey with me. It made me mad. It may make you mad.

First, if you go to Webnovel’s website, you HAVE to choose between male lead or female lead stories before you can go any further. WTF?

And that’s weird, but this gets so much worse. This is basically a pay-to-read site that has different subscription models. Which… okay BUT! The authors don’t get paid! Look at that comment again. They’re promising a supportive and nurturing community, but zero monetary compensation. It’s basically, “post your stuff here so we can get paid and you can get… nice vibes?” I mean look at this Orwellian writing:

Using the phrase “pay-to-read model” in the same sentence as “qualitative changes in lifestyles for authors” deliberately makes you think that you can get paid and maybe even make a living on this website. But that’s not actually what it says and authors will not receive one red cent.

Oh but wait, the worst is still to come. In case this breaks containment (which I kind of hope it does) this is where I mention that I’m a lawyer in the US.

I don’t do intellectual property or copyright law but I do read and write contracts for a living. So I went to look at their terms of service. It was fun!

Highlights the first, in which Webnovel gets a license to do basically whatever they want with content you post on their site. This is how they get to be paid for people reading authors’ writing without paying them anything.

Highlights the second, in which Webnovel takes no responsibility for illegally profiting off of fan fic. This all says that the writer is 100% responsible for everything the writer posts (even though only Webnovel is making money from it).

Highlights the third which say that by posting, the author is representing that they have the legal right to use and to let Webnovel use the content according to these terms. So if a writer posts fan fiction and Webnovel makes money from people reading the fan fiction, and the House of the Mouse catches wise, these sections say that that’s ALL on the writer.

So that’s a little skeevy to start off with but the thing that is seriously shitty and made me make this post was that these assholes are coming to ao3. They are actively recruiting people in comments on their fan fiction. And they are saying they are big fans of the character you’re writing about and that they share your interests.

They are recruiting fan fiction writers and giving every impression that you can make money from posting fan fiction on their site and hiding the fact that you absolutely cannot but they can make money off of you while you try, deep in their terms of service which no one but a lawyer who writes fan fic and has some time to kill will read.

I see posts on here regularly from people who don’t understand how this stuff works, don’t understand that they (and others) can not legally make a financial profit from fan fiction. And there are tons of people who will not take the time to dig into the details.

Don’t deal with these bastards. Fuck Webnovel.

[imwritesometimes]

I am once again asking you pls if you take one thing away from this blog, only one thing, let it be this: do not buy. a front loading washing machine. don't do it. do not. they are far more fuckin trouble than they're worth. don't do it.

sincerely - mine just died. again. had to go out and just buy a new TOP LOADER or pay another $400+ to have it fixed which would have been stupid af. do not do this. love urself do not buy one as I did. learn from my mistake.

[peppermint-toads]

you know what would kill simon riley?

you and soap bullying him as he tries to ride his first cock.

“what? big strong military man can’t take a little dick?” how embarrassing.

johnny stands in front of the bed with his arms crossed, watching simon pathetically try to bounce up and down on the tip of the purple dildo without it slipping out. you’re sitting on the edge of the bed, antagonizing simon as much as you can before the moment ends.

“aye, bonnie. he can dish it, but he can’t take it. nothing new for him.”

simon grunts in frustration. “shut up. the both of you.”

you giggle, because he presently poses no threat to either of you, which is typically not the case.

“i remember when you took my ass virginity, simon. don’t you? told me to take it like a good girl. think you can take that fake dick like a good girl, huh?”

a strained moan tears from simon’s throat as the tip breaches his hole and he takes the first couple inches.

“fucking, jesus.” he’s panting and refusing to make eye contact with either of you.

“that one isn’t nearly as big as soap’s. how do you plan on taking his?”

“i can do it.” simon sinks halfway down the dildo.

that part is probably true, even if it hurts like a bitch and there are tears welling in his eyes, he’s a stubborn bastard.

it started with typical banter. simon and johnny having a bit of back and forth over dinner.

“you couldn’t even handle me, lt.”

there it was. you knew he shouldn’t have said that because it sounded like a challenge. and simon couldn’t turn it down. which led you here. with simon almost fully seated on your stupid dildo.

“hate to say it, but johnny’s right. he’d split you in half.”

simon groans, he’s been feeding off your degrading comments this entire time, and you weren’t about to stop.

“look at you, whining and crying on my dildo. couldn’t even have the decency to get your own? pathetic.”

simon’s ass hits the silicone balls and he keens. his dick twitches as he cums all over himself, untouched. he collapses onto his back, heaving.

you and johnny stare, open mouthed at him. you can’t help the laugh of disbelief that spills from your mouth. you immediately clamp your hand over your lips and look over at johnny. he’s just as bewildered.