#then the fact that i didn't for a while feels more real

[ashwhowrites]

Hello, I love your stories and I hope you can make my fun request

Can you do Eddie Munson x Death fem reader

So hear me out let's say there in the upside down (11 and everyone isn't in California there in Hawkins and in the upside down with them and while they where chilling out in the upside down when Steve got hurt all of the sudden they heard whistling and turned and see a badass fem reader and walked up to 11 and starts toying with her (just like the wolf from puss and boots yk Death and when they figured out she's actually death they somehow get her a change of heart (after she tried to kill 11 and showed off her power a bit) and her and Eddie fall in love or Eddie falls first.

Sorry if it’s long

This was actually so fun and I loved writing the Death character. So if anyone else loves it, feel free to request ( once they are open ) for more death reader. I hope this is what you wanted and you enjoy it! Thank you for requesting 🫶🏻

Death was inspired by Rio from Agatha all along, won't lie. But the Death character is NOT Rio. If that makes sense. Just don't think Aubrey plaza is the reader because she's not, just was an inspiration so I wanted to give the credit to that.

Lady Death

"I FUCKING hate these bats," Steve growled. Nancy sat on her knees as she tried to cover Steve's wounds.

"What the hell is this place?" Eddie asked once he caught his breath. All he knew was that he jumped off a boat and was in a hell pit.

"The upside down," El said. She was looking around, almost like she felt the presence of something no one had seen yet.

"Oh great, so I have to fight to survive in the normal world, and now I have to survive in this sewer-type place? And this girl has powers?" Eddie asked frantically. He knew somewhat of everything that was going on, he just didn't believe it was a real place.

"Dude, I've already told you all of this!" Dustin argued.

"No offense, kid. But I figured you were full of shit!'" Eddie spat.

"Guys! Quiet," El demanded. Everyone went silent as they looked at her. She closed her eyes, trying to feel what was wrong. "There's something here," she whispered.

"Yeah, flesh-eating bats!" Steve hissed.

Before anyone could say anything, El was flung across the ground.

"EL!" Mike shouted, running over to her. But before he could come in contact with her, she was evaluated into the air. The gang watched in horror as she seemed to be held up by her throat, by an invisible force.

"What's going on?" Robin panicked. Nancy worked faster to clean up Steve.

The sound of someone whistling filled their ears. The gang all turned to see a woman walking towards them. She was dressed in a skin-tight green bodysuit, holes on the sides that showed skin, a green crown on her head, and a dangerous smirk playing on her lips.

Everyone stared at her in fear and awe. She was incredibly beautiful, but nothing alive behind her eyes.

"Poor little El, not so strong anymore, huh?" The lady mocked, she flicked her wrist and El fell to the floor. Mike raced over to her, this time able to collect her body in his arms.

"Who are you?" El asked, panting as she took air into her lungs.

"She's Death," Eddie said in awe. Everyone looked at him shocked, how did he know who she was?

Even she was surprised. She was fast, appearing in front of Eddie in seconds as she gripped his neck. Eddie tried to cover up the fact that he was incredibly turned on by her harsh touch.

"Who are you?" she questioned, Eddie blushed under her studying eyes. She took in every inch of his face, something about him was familiar.

"Edward Munson," he choked out. The gang didn't move an inch, staring at the two.

"How do you know who I am?" She released his throat to allow him to speak. She flicked her wrist and everyone in the gang was thrown to the ground. They were stuck, not able to move a muscle.

Eddie was a little scared, looking at his friends and some people he barely knew trapped under her power.

"I've read about you. You collect souls, right? El was supposed to die from Vecna but she escaped. Unfinished business and now you have to finish her," Eddie explained, "am I right, Y/N?"

Y/N stepped away from the boy. She felt uneasy that he seemed to know everything. No one was supposed to know who she was until she took their soul, of course.

With her distracted, the gang ran over to El. El was quick to use her own powers, sending Y/N in the air and harshly crashing into the ground. Her head hit the ground with a thud and her body went still.

"LET'S GO!" Steve yelled, the gang nodded and all ran to make their escape. Eddie went to follow but when he took a look at Y/N's limp body on the floor, he stopped.

"Eddie, come on!" Dustin said, gesturing his hands to show that everyone was leaving.

"We can't just leave her," Eddie argued, against his better judgement he walked towards her.

"You said it yourself, she's Death. I think she's capable of handling a bump on the head," Mike sassed. He was annoyed that Eddie seemed to care about a stranger that was more than willing to kill El.

Eddie ignored Mike's words, kneeling down as he rolled her body over. There was a gash on her head, blood running down the side of her face. Eddie didn't have anything on him to help, but he ripped the end of his shirt and tied it around her head. He watched as his white shirt began to stain with her blood, but he didn't mind.

She couldn't die, he knew that. But he wouldn't feel right leaving her behind with no help at all.

~~~

It's been a few days since the encounter with Death, and she was in everyone's head ( just for different reasons.) El thought of her as a new enemy and most of the gang were terrified to know they were that close to Death.

But she was in Eddie's mind for a different reason. When he was younger he loved reading about death and what happened in the afterlife. He learned what death was, who death was. She's been around for centuries but never aged. Still the beautiful girl, who lost her soul too young.

Eddie often felt a connection to her. She didn't have a family, or any friends. People were scared of her, banished her, leaving her alone for years and years. She was like Eddie and Eddie was just like her. He was alone and banished in his own way, but they had much in common.

He couldn't leave her behind because he understood the pain of being alone. The pain of everyone running away, terrified. He wanted her to feel cared about for once.

Something about Eddie humanized her in a sense. She hadn't felt anything in her body since she died. She didn't feel emotions, her heart, not even her lungs. But when she was near him, touching and seeing him, she felt a beat in her chest. A flutter in her stomach.

Her body felt alive

She was able to trace where he lived from the property of his shirt. She carried the blood stained shirt in her hand as she walked through the woods, looking for his trailer park.

She felt that same beat in her chest as she walked past a small trailer. Random chairs in the front and an ash tray by the door. She walked away, the beat in her chest decreasing. With furrowed eyebrows, she walked backwards, the beat increased.

"Well look at that, having a heart is good for something," she scoffed, turning in the direction of the trailer.

She didn't knock, using her powers to fling the door right off the hinges.

Eddie was brushing his teeth when he heard his front door slam a wall.

"Shit!" He swore through his foamy mouth. He figured a big gust of wind blew through the door but when he came out, he saw Y/N standing in his house. His toothbrush hung from his mouth as he stared at her in shock.

"On-mf-e-sec-mff," he said through the foam. He turned and raced back in his bathroom to spit out the paste and rinse his mouth. He jumped when Y/N appeared behind him.

"Um, hi," Eddie said, staring at her reflection. She stood tall behind him, peaking over his shoulder. Her hair was down, framing her face. She was in her death clothes, the tight bodysuit making him gulp.

"You gave me this," she spoke bluntly. She held his shirt, hanging from her fingertips. He turned around and grabbed the shirt, tossing it to the floor.

"Thanks for bringing it back," he smiled. She flinched as she felt her heart race. But recovered with a smile.

"You're welcome," she said, turning around and walking out. Eddie followed, confusion on his face.

"Wait, where are you going?" He asked, moving to cut her off. Her body slammed against his and she stepped back. Her face stone cold.

"I dropped off the shirt. That's all that needed to be done," she said. Eddie frowned, thinking about how the only time she's in someone's presence is to kill them.

"Hey, you know you can be around people for fun, not just take their souls," the comment sounded like he was a dick but he was genuine about it. He closed the door and moved to his couch, patting the seat next to him.

She eyed him, moving cautiously and sitting next to him. "Well, thank you," she smiled. "And thank you for helping me."

"You don't have to thank me. I promise my friends are kind people, they just had to fight for their lives a few too many times," Eddie sadly laughed.

"You haven't?" She asked, Eddie could feel her eyes. He turned his head to look at her, trying not to get lost in her eyes.

"I have, I just understand how it feels to be the one that's left behind. I've studied you my whole life and you're not as scary as the books made you seem."

Y/N was in awe of the softness he showed and offered her. She couldn't remember when was the last time she got to be in someone's company.

"And by far more beautiful in person," he said, softer and quieter than before. Her heart fluttered and she felt her skin getting warm.

She felt shy, moving her head to hide away but his hand reached out. She jumped slightly at the feeling of his hand on her warm cheek. The eye contact felt intense, like she was in a trance and unable to look away. She didn't want to anyway, she wanted to stare at him all day long.

"You know, since you brought back my shirt. I think I owe you for your kindness," he whispered. Her stomach flipped as a small smile formed on his face. His perfect pink lips stretched as his white teeth were on display. She turned her head to the side, questioning him.

"You hungry?" He asked, "for food not souls." He clarified. She couldn't help but giggle at his words.

"I could eat," she smiled. He smiled back, standing up and grabbing her hand. He was prepared to go right out the door but then he stopped.

"Would you maybe feel more comfortable in..uh-" he stuttered, still feeling the effects of her suit clinging to her body and showing off her figure. "Comfier clothes?"

"What are the options?"

~

"Steve, if I hear you moan and bitch about the bats one more time, I will cut you myself," Robin threatened.

"I'd like a little support here! I could've died!" Steve argued. Nancy laughed to herself as the two began to argue. Jonathan had his arm thrown around her shoulder, looking down at the menu.

Eddie walked in, his hand in hers as he looked around for an open table. He was shocked to see Steve, Robin, Nancy and Jonathan at a table.

Steve looked up and his eyes locked on Eddie, and then the girl next to him. Eddie gave him a small wave but turned the other direction, leading Y/N. They sat at a table, with her back to his friends.

Steve raced over to their table, he wanted to see if his eyes were seeing things. But as he made it to them, his eyes were right. Eddie was holding hands with Death.

"Can I talk to you?" Steve asked, his eyes on Eddie.

"One second," Eddie said, softly kissing her hand before he let go.

The two huddled over to the side, Steve whispering harshly.

"Are you insane?"

"She's still a person!" Eddie argued

"She's a killer, Eddie. You can't just get sucked into her looks. She's evil."

"She's not! It's a job. She doesn't kill randomly. She only goes when she's called. There's some human inside of her, I'm going to bring it out. She just needs someone to show her" Eddie explained.

"You are going to risk yourself and all your friends because you want to find the human in her?" Steve scoffed, "I don't believe there's any human in her," Steve looked over at the table. She sat drumming her fingers as she twirled a knife in the air with her powers.

Eddie sighed, knowing she wasn't helping his case.

Steve noticed a look in Eddie's eyes. He was desperate and he had this soft look when his eyes cast over her.

"You fell for her already, didn't you?" Steve chuckled. It was nice to see Eddie had a romantic side to him. Steve remembered the feeling of falling in love for the first time.

"Yes," Eddie sighed. "Which I know is crazy but trust me, she came to my house and do you know how easily she could have killed me if she wanted to?"

Steve sighed, he nodded his head. Sometimes he hated being a good friend.

"Well," he puffed, landing his hand on Eddie's shoulder, "Enjoy your date. And the gang will need to hear all about it."

The hand that was on Eddie's shoulder was suddenly ripped off. Steve cried out as his arm was bent backwards behind his back and slammed into a wall.

"Y/N!" Eddie hissed, taking her body off of Steve's.

The rest of the gang looked at the commotion, fast on their feet to run to Steve.

"Sorry!" Y/N said, a look of shock in her eyes. "I felt something burn in my body and lost it."

"From what?" Steve asked, his eyes huge as he sassed the girl, who he now noticed was dressed in Eddie's clothes.

"You touched Eddie," Y/N shrugged. She wasn't exactly sure herself.

"What's going on?" Robin asked. Quickly looking Death up and down, which didn't go unnoticed by Eddie. He snapped his fingers and Robin looked at him.

"Well," Steve said as he rubbed his arm, "looks like Eddie and um Y/N here are on a date."

The gang were shocked, not sure what to say.

"And she's the jealous type," Steve added through his clenched teeth.

"I'll stop by later and talk yeah? I'd like to enjoy my date," Eddie said as he slipped his hand into hers.

"Uh sure," Nancy said, still giving the two a weird look. Jonathan kept quiet, but he was just as confused.

The gang walked back to their table, Robin looking over her shoulder as the two sat back down.

"How the hell did he manage to swing her? She's way too hot for him," Robin scoffed.

"Oh little Rob, we'll get you your own little Death lover," Steve teased.

~~~

Within a few months, Y/N was around more often. She was glued to Eddie's side whenever she could be. Eddie loved it. He loved always having someone on his arm, and he wasn't mad about the kisses that were always placed on his skin.

The gang accepted her, a little on edge at times but she was mostly harmless. It was clear that the two were head over heels for each other in their own ways.

The times she was called to do her work, Eddie waited in his trailer. His heart warming when she appeared back within minutes, claiming she missed him.

Then she'd slide in his lap, Eddie's hands landing on her hips. He rubbed his thumb against her skin, thankful for the holes in her suit. He was guilty of getting hard whenever he saw her dressed in her suit. She was Death so of course she was mean about it. Rocking her hips against him as she slowly kissed his lips.

She was his and he was hers.

Who knew Death could make someone feel so alive.

@bmunson86 @mxcheese @ladymunson @michaelfuckinglangdon @z0mbie-blah @biittersweet @mirrorsstuff @somethingvicked @micheledawn1975 @ago-godance @magnificantmermaid @tlclick73 @hargrovesswifee @cityofidek @silky-luxe @lokiofasgard616 @loving-and-dreaming @eddiemunsonsbitch69 @ashlynnkennedy @strangerthingsstories5255 @harringt8ns @pleasinghellfire @whoscamila @stusdollface93 @gretavankleep37 @bellaisswagger @arlxt @ineedmentalhelp123

[stardusttealeaves]

ARCANE DRINK HCs

So I was bored at an ungodly hour of the night so instead of sleeping....I did this.

This was written before season 2 came out. Thought this would just be a fun little ting.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jinx - water of the day/ jungle juice

If u don't know water of the day just go look at it rq : here

Yea she does that. It's either that or she makes a cooler amount of jungle juice from random stuff she grabs from the bar and makes that last for a good while.

I don't even think she likes the taste of alcohol that much. Hell I think she airs on the lightweight side. But if she's drinking she's gonna want it to be sweet and taste like juice.

Vander - Whiskey

Cmon, the big guy of the undercity gotta have something that tows the line of sophistication and earthiness. He likes the subtle complexity that it offers. Something to take the edge off after a night of running the bar.

He's not the type to get "carried away" with it but...if he isn't careful he could def chug down a thing of Sir Davis like it didn't cost 90 bucks.

Other than that he's probably gonna keep it cute with a pint of beer on the reg.

Vi - whatever gets her drunk quicker

Cmon....We've seen the season 2 shorts. We know how bad it gets.

Imma be real I wouldn't be surprised if she just got to the point of chugging straight everclear like she does NOT care.

But sure let's give her a normal non angst circumstance. I think she'd develop a taste for whiskey. Ya know as a treat.

I'd like to think Vander gave her her first drink when she was still young, not like a full pour, just a bit for the taste. She hated it at first but over time it grew on her. Now whenever she has it, she's reminded of him.

Cait - Martinis

Cait doesn't drink very often, she's more likely to drink at events her family hosts.

I think she likes to keep it classy with a martini cause it's nice to sip, plus it's a bit stronger so it makes her pace herself. But she's not an olive girly, she's a citrus twist girly. Depending on her mood it's either gonna be orange or lemon.

Mel - That's that me espresso (martini)

Yes I was legally obligated to make that joke.

This would be a fav for her to have when she has an evening to herself. It's creamy, rich, a Lil sweet. It's a nice combination. She'd also have this when she's with Jayce or anyone she considers a close friend. Otherwise she is not bringing this to a function.

Nope at the function she is a pinot grigio haver. It's light, fruity, and keeps her pushing.

Jayce - Beeyah

This dude will have a DAY of being a politician amd immediately hit the fridge for a Modelo and a lime wedge like it's a cold cigarette to ease the pain.

He's like Mr. Boss in that one episode of smiling friends asking the waitress what kinda Lagers they got. But at the same time being very anal about the fact that beers and lagers are not the same thing.

("All lagers are beers, but not all beers are lagers" - Jayce probably)

Bro is one of those guys that care about ipas.

Viktor - Vodkah + mules

No this isn't because he's eastern european.

Ok maybe partially but that's not the point.

First off I don't think his body takes hard  liquor straight up that well, so occasionally he'd have a straight shot of vodka just to feel something. It hurts but not in the usual way ya know.

But in reality if he wants something to enjoy once in a while it's gonna be a classic Moscow Mule, it's not that strong and is nice to sip.

Silco - Scotch

This feels self explanatory like look at him.

Sevika - Whiskey

Similar to Vander she's into Whiskey but she's not in it for the savoring of it. Like in her case she will actively down that sir David and grab another one off the shelf once the first bottles done.

Ekko - dry as a desert

Given the environment that the firefights have curated I don't think he's the type to drink. I wouldn't be surprised if that whole area is dry and honestly good for them.

[thatonecrookedsmile]

I decided to finally color and post this thing I made a few months ago since we're getting close to BATDR's anniversary.

Consider this a fun concept based on a few things at the very least,or a Headcanon Based On Nothing At All at most. The "basis" for this comes from the fact that the Keepers' body and head are some kind of suit, with the zipper and "lens" being the most notable details of this. Which I found interesting.

Now,could the fact that they look like suits just be a side effect of them being offshots of the Machine? Yeah,yes it could. At the end of the day,the fact that they look like that can only be summed up as "they were created that way". Wilson just accidentally created cool-looking OCs. I doubt we'll get any kind of lore drop for the Keepers in the future beyond what we already know about them (but I could always be wrong).

The moment of inspiration that led me to do these sketches was when I was reading FTB and I was thinking about Gent and their experiments for a bit. The Keepers ended up getting into those thoughts at some point,which resulted in me doing… this!

So,yeah,what if the Keepers, before the Dark Revival,were old GENT containment suits?

Essentially,in my head,when JDS closed its doors,Gent continued the ink experiments in its own workshop,and the suits above were worn by the company's scientists while conducting some of these experiments. While we don't know what else the guys at Gent were doing beyond what we saw in BATDR and FTB,I don't think it's far-fetched to say that not even their scientists would want to touch the damned ink,which,as we know,is best kept away from. So,the suits are used.

In 1952,the workshop was condemned and closed. Eventually,the location and by extension - the technologies,the experiments and things like the suits - ended up in the Ink Realm. Fast forward to 72/73,the whole thing about Wilson finding out and taking control of the Cycle happens. When it came to creating his own "guards" to help with his plans in the Cycle,I guess he just. Took stuff from the Gent workshop like the suits and other stuff like gears and pipes,threw it all through the Ink Machine and uhhhhhhh,boom,the Keepers are created.

Again,I wouldn't take this as a serious theory/speculation,and as said,more as ideas and concepts based on so little that I decided to put on paper. (Might as well consider all of this potential AU stuff)

Additional stuff:

- I didn't make the outlines and the helmet's lens glow in the first 2 sketches because I realized that it wouldn't make much sense in the suits? The Keepers,sure,make sense,but for the suits themselves? Not so much. So I left them "switched off",with the exception of the third sketch,done at the time when I hadn't thought about this detail any further.

- The idea for the fourth sketch,the gas mask,came to me while looking at reference images of real-life hazmat suits. I thought it might be intriguing to have Gent scientists wear these masks under their suits,so I sketched it out to get a better idea. The mask itself was based on one of the scrapped Keeper designs, the ones that had the more "alien" feel to them. I don't know if it would fit inside the Keeper suit,but it's still something I wanted to consider.

I also like this whole concept of the suits for two other reasons. First, it gives the Keepers an origin that predates Wilson and the Dark Revival. Second, reusing old Gent suits to create his own guards isn't that far-fetched for a man whose entire rise to power within the studio and plan to overthrow the Ink Demon has depended on the work (and existence) of others to come to fruition. So that wouldn't be so absurd.

Also,here's 2 bonus sketches. The second one has nothing to do with what I've said so far, it's just something I was playing around with at the time.

[lumdays]

chat is this real!!!

relationship charts + fun facts utc!! (sorry it's a lot of yapping)

- siyun and malleus met the same way novel!yuu (yuuya) and malleus met except siyun didn't take too kindly to him using magic on them. they had beef for a while and it settled into Respect, Sorta

(translation by @/yuurei20)

- siyun is the janitor (refused nrc studentship from crowley) so they've met a few of the students before their ingame appearances (jamil, ruggie and. jade)

- almost killed grim the first time they met

- leona often just grabs their ankle when they're passing by his spot in the botanical garden. he either makes them fall or uses them as a pillow, depending on his mood and the clothes they're wearing (if it's their regular nrc uniform then it's eep time, if it's the janitor uniform he's making them fall on their ass)

- it's not that vil isn't ambitious, it's just that siyun isn't all that interesting of an investment in the first place. so when his first few attemps didn't work, he gave up on them. they're not enough of an eyesore for him to fix anyway (also their reception to his ministrations were pretty hostile, epel bias)

- the first time epel and siyun ever met, they stood up to vil for him and all he felt was. Shame. wow, the magicless janitor is stronger, braver than him. he's. so. thankful (it's ok they magishift it out🔥🔥🔥)

- the light magic thing is uhhhh Lore Stuff, siyun has a strange connection to blot and that same connection makes them recoil at light magic (not the users themselves. Usually)

- THE ROOK AND SIYUN (onesided)BEEF!!!!! rook spreading l'amour et la beauté and forcefeeding them cheese (someone said rook is like aoyama's cousin and that's wonderful to me) meanwhile siyun is devising a hundred and seven evil plans to take him down. he chases them down as much as he does beastmen and siyun has taken to returning the energy by throwing increasingly sharp objects in his general direction (they miss by a mile cause their aim sucks ASSSSSS also their eyesight is shit but they have Bigger Problems rn)

more seriously though, rook's compliments and flattery may Mostly be in good faith but he makes siyun feel. Less Than Human (more so than they already aren't)

- if you couldn't tell, i have a huge freshmen/yun found family bias and they are Everything to me. they all think siyun's crush on jade is absolutely nuts (ortho is maybe a Little less unconvinced but he joins in with the others cause it's fun! yun gets it).

after a while, they start getting mad at other students who litter or trash the school cause it means more work for their fuckass janitor🔥🔥🔥(personally i think jack + maybe deuce are already the kind of people to pick up after other people's trash when they see it LIKE NOT ALL THE TIME, THEY’RE NOT SAINTS BUT. yea. meanwhile sebek is ABSOLUTELY the typa guy to YELL at people who litter)

- jamil and siyun were pretty good friends before shit went down in book 4, at least in siyun's perspective. it's not obvious on the chart but it actually took them a shit ton of time to actually make up and be friends again (for real this time!)

- the nrc staff and siyun all agree that crowley is public enemy number 1 (some more playfully than others read, siyun hae) but yea they all got SOMETHING against him. in siyun's case, he used a similar kind of magic as malleus first thing when they got out of the coffin and it got them tweaking really bad because they're kindaaaaaaa allergic to magic (should’ve mentioned this earlier but i forgor

- yunde time! (🤮🤮🤮🤮) siyun fell first and they fell HARD, 0 shame about shouting their love from the top of all the nrc towers or at jade himself, they 🔥dgaf, to say the least. at first, jade honest to god couldn't care less about their silly crush on him, though he did find it funny so he entertained them and ended up catching feelings by book 7 because he's a DUMBASS but by then siyun is like "i give up looking for white girl 🙂‍↕️✋️ it is not my fate" so jade is yearning + pining TOO FUCKING LATE

anyway, silly fun fact about them cause i feel like it, siyun was in jade's dream in book 7 but they basically looked like floyd

oh and

- floyd calls siyun “grouper fishie/grouper” because

yeaaaaaaaaaa…also he thinks siyun’s crush on jade is funny as shit until jade reciprocates

taglist (tell me if you wanna be added or removed🔥🔥):

@twistedwonderlandshenanigans @distant-velleity @sickle-stick @elenauaurs @heyhellohihowareyou @skriblee-ksk @angelwishess

[killuakiru]

hello!!! i love your works sm ahhhh (˶ˆᗜˆ˵)

may i request headcanons for killua and gon (separately) with an s/o who is really happy and cheerful all the time but their real emotions are actually difficult to read? ty and remember to stay hydrated!! ദ്ദി(˵ •̀ ᴗ - ˵ ) ✧

HIII ANONNN THANK YOU SOSOSO MUCH !! <33 I am more than happy to comply your request 🤲 thank you for requesting !! Hopefully you'll like it <3

side note : thank you for the requests !! my writer's block is being cured by everyone's brilliant thoughts, thank u also for the support !! I honestly didn't know my words can bring emotions to those of my readers. > < I love yall sososo much, please take care !!

⊹₊⋆ Hidden In Plain Sight !ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁

⊹₊⋆ Gn!Reader x Killua Zoldyck, Gon Freecss ( Separate ! )ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁

༉‧₊˚. Let's Start !༉‧₊˚.

༉‧₊˚. Killua Zoldyck !ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁

• Honestly, Killua was SO attracted to you mainly because he wanted to know you more, that's just who he is ! Even when you experienced horrible things, your smile never falters, leaving him very curious.

• Don't get me wrong, he loves seeing you smile and all that, and he's glad that he makes you laugh.

• But seriously, he can't shake off that feeling. If he says so himself, he can read people's emotions. ( But can be that he's surrounded by ppl who are generally easy to read )

• Ever since, he's been keeping a close eye on you— even before you both made it official. ESPECIALLY since he's not an expert when it comes to emotions.

• He keeps an eye on you on frankly everything. Your reactions if you were hurt physically, your reactions if you were denied or rejected by proposes, etc. He was DETERMINED to know your true emotions.

• But setting all of those to the side— he treats you really well, almost like how he treats Alluka. As his beloved significant other, he made a vow to himself to prioritize your needs first instead of his, knowing how unpredictable you could be.

• Although, hypothetically lets say.. You lost composure. Since you were the natural cheerful type, you'd often attached easily; Kite / Kaito, as an example.

• Kaito taught you three some simple guidance, as well as sharing stories to probably keep the children's nerves at bay. Who wouldn't? The Chimera Ants were an unknown organism, and they were regarded as highly vicious.

• The night Kaito was attacked, the sheer look of horror from your face left Killua stunned, all while Gon had a similar reaction but couldn't hold his inner rage in.

• The next morning while awaiting the Botany Hunters that accompanied Kaito, he saw you so dejected, and it was the first time seeing you like that. Your eyes were so lifeless it genuinely made Killua nervous to his core.

• Similarly to Gon, after he finished moping around, you both recovered within minutes. But Killua probably knew better as your boyfriend.

• Yes, you were back to your cheerful and talkative self, and Killua was glad, but at the same time paranoid. He knew everything had limits, his emotions, Gon's, even yours.

• After seeing that look of terror and melancholy look in your face, he's learned to ask himself; "Are they really okay?" with a heart beating in fear of losing you to succumbing to misery due to the fact you tend to keep your troubles to yourself.

༉‧₊˚. Gon Freecss !ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁

• Honestly it's a miracle how he couldn't read your emotions easily. With his keen senses, one would probably think he'd instantly find something out.

• However you were a different case, similarly to Killua, he had a gut feeling— an instinct, if you must.

• Growing up on a mountain and relying on instinct, he knew better than to leave it alone. And so even before you both became a couple, he'd make low-key questions about your wellbeing to understand what you're feeling to an extent, but you'd always brush it off or answer it with a wide smile and cheerful tone.

• Gon just brushed it off after a while, believing your facial expression as your eyes creases in genuine happiness, the way you would grow breathless when you, Killua, and Gon would joke around, he firmly believed you truly were just a happy person and nothing could affect you.

• Unlike Killua, though. Gon didn't watch over you closely. As said previously— he firmly believed you were alright and had a strong mentality.

• Gon believed you can carry yourself, and you proved that point to him ! Whenever you'd be defeated physically and mentally, he'd always watch you standing your ground with a determined expression and a fairly attractive grin.

• But, because of his carelessness, that was his major mistake. He knew your tendencies, you knew his. You both were easily attached to someone and easily trusted them.

• And since Kaito knew Gon's father, you both equally shared the same celebration. Gon had a knew lead to Ging, so any normal significant other would be happy for their boyfriend.

• So the night where Kaito was attacked, ( yes we're using the same scene ), you couldn't comprehend your emotions. Your heart hammered against your chest. Seeing that.. monster that attacked Kaito with no mercy, and that very intimidating aura. So this was a Royal Guard.

• Killua noticed your demeanor, no doubt. Even Kaito, it was clear. How your usual cheerful and light demeanor turned one of a dark and fearful demeanor, Killua tried to nudge Gon. However Gon was too engulfed in his rage to even notice.

• The day he came back to his senses, looking back at it, he felt regret in his actions. While he knew his rage was justified— he wasn't paying attention to you.

• You easily forgave him though. That sent alarming shocks to his nerves. He saw your puffy and tired eyes, even when you smiled he didn't see the familiar creases he'd normally see in your eyes.

• Even after that, his rage grew and grew. But you'd constantly be by his side, so his bloodlust would often be at bay. He loved your warming personality so much and he appreciated every piece of you.

• In the end, after everything was finished, he had grown a habit to occasionally check up on you and your wellbeing. He knew you'd always bottle up your emotions, and he knew you'd break eventually.

• When that time comes, he wants to be with you and guide you through the process. He knows it'll be hard, but he'll be patient with you if you're patient with yourself.

༉‧₊˚. End !༉‧₊˚.

Thank you for reading ! This strictly belongs to me / killuakiru and I do not give permission for you to repost on other platforms, thank you !

[rarepairronpa]

Here to chime in why I personally like Komamiki too!

I think I'm in the minority here, because I didn't start shipping this ship by seeing art or fanfiction for it; I started shipping it while playing the game, way back in 2015. In fact, I can pinpoint the exact moment I fell in love with the ship- Mikan's very first introduction! "We'll wait forever if that's what it takes," Nagito said with infinite patience for our poor little nurse, and from that moment I was sold! He even defended her from Hajime (even if that was unnecessary because Hajime wasn't actually bullying her) which is something we don't see a lot in the series (Mikan being defended from bullies). In fact, the only people I can remember off of the top of my head that do this other than Nagito is Imposter (scolding/redirecting Hiyoko), Peko (scolding/redirecting both Hiyoko and Fuyuhiko iirc), Akane (defending her at the trial from what Akane perceived as bullying - though in this case wasn't), and Mahiru (scolding Ibuki when she wanted her to take pictures of Mikan in a compromising position). I want to say Hajime did some mild defending here and there too, but I can't think of a specific instance. And that's about it. (There might be more instances in DR3, but I don't have that anywhere near memorized so I can't remember off hand.) She doesn't have a lot of people going to bat for her, so any inclination to defend her is something I'm going to zoom in on.

(Nagito in general seems to defend the girls a lot, which I appreciate- specifically from Teruteru. Which is why when people portray him as a creep, I can't get behind it at all. He's definitely portrayed in a fan service-y way, especially in Another Episode, but in SDR2 he constantly defends the girls from Teruteru's advances. Being sexual does not automatically equal being a creep, and I think at times there's this weird purity culture in how some people portray Nagito. Yes, I admit, his obsession with Ultimate's is maladaptive and I wouldn't deny an interpretation that there's messy, sexual feelings tied up in that obsession, but it's also a trauma response and at no point does he push for his "love" to be anything but "wholly one sided". He actually says exactly that in trial one. He grosses people out, sure, but I don't think he's actively doing something wrong in that sense; again, it's a maladaptive coping mechanism and more a result of his trauma than anything, and he never tries to enforce any overtly sexual feelings onto others. Being weirded out by the fetish-y way Nagito precieves the Ultimate's is perfectly understandable for the characters in universe, but I don't think Nagito is a creep for feelings he never pushes onto others. Now, he will push his ideology onto others, but that's a seperate matter.)

In this first interaction with Mikan, we see Nagito be patient and kind to her. We see him defend her. We see him trying to meet her where she's at. That's what got me hooked on this ship, and all the little interactions they had just kept me going.

For example, Mikan is the one to defend Nagito in trial one; this is because she doesn't want to die/doesn't want everyone else to die, but I think it says something that she was able to look past Nagito's "I'm crazy and evil" routine/facade and actually consider the evidence. Something that only Hajime and Chiaki have been shown to be willing to do (both in chapter 1 and in chapter 5). Everyone else dismisses Nagito as "crazy" and doesn't even try to understand him from there.

Then there's how Mikan is one of the only ones to care that Nagito is sick in chapter 3. She outright says that she will do everything she can for him, lamenting the fact that he's in this situation. She shows real care for him there- or at least, more care than most of the other characters. Hajime and Mikan very much seem to be the only ones overtly concerned about Nagito (and maybe Chiaki? She kind of just seemed worried for everyone, which is more than a lot of the characters again, but only Hajime and Mikan expressed specific concern for Nagito).

We even have Nagito talking about a hypothetical scenario of falling in love with a nurse in his FTEs. Sure, his FTEs are definitely very Komahina coded (especially that last confession one), but who are you going to think of in this game when Nagito says nurse if not the Ultimate one?

(There's also the fact that they're both outcasted by the group to different extents, and they both self deprecate in different ways and want to feel useful/needed whoch plays really well on each other. Their struggles come from similar places, which is also the appeal, at least for me, with Komahina, too.)

But then we get to trial 3. Which was my personal Armageddon when I first played, as Mikan was my favorite character, and I was already shipping komamiki by that point. This is where I have to admit, I understand the "Nagito and Mikan are worsties" agenda. As it is one I would say I'm even a fan of. What we see in trial 3 is nastiness between the two of them, and, imo, gives a real sense of what they were like in despair.

But since when does a ship having a dark side mean it's inherently a bad ship? For one thing, exploring the more messed up dynamic can be fun and interesting. I think part of why Nagito was so cold to Mikan is because, deep in his heart, he truly expected better from her. And I think Mikan responded to that with nastiness because it felt like a rejection. That nastiness isn't indicative of them having not cared about each other, but the opposite; where they both cared and then felt betrayed by that care.

I think exploring this mix of hate and fondness can be super interesting! In my view, Mikan and Nagito are more frienemies than enemies, even at their worst. I get the real sense that Mikan resented how accepting Nagito was, when he was in the same situation as her- both not being accepted/"forgiven". Add Junko into the mix, and you got toxic pettiness and jealousy abound. That's what Junko does, you know? Turn you against each other, isolate you, make you fight over her attention, have you only be united in the fact that you both worship her. That's how she functions.

Then, for Nagito's side... deep down he's always resented talent, as we know from 2.5. He's always been desperately coping with his luck, his talentlessness aside from that luck, and the extreme despair he's experienced from both of those things. He's been conditioned in a society that views him as lesser- just like Hajime, for that matter. But deep down, he truly resents talent. Having the Ultimates, who he was always told by society were so much better than him, who he believed were so much better than him, fall to despair? That would mess him up.

Because again- he expected better from them. And from, specifically, Mikan. The first person to betray his ideals of hope and talent. A part of him will be forever changed by her betrayal. Because how can you keep faith that talent is hope when the very talent around you fell into despair?

(There's also the dynamic of Nagito being chronically ill and Mikan being a nurse who specifically likes power over people. I do see how that could get toxic in the right environment; which again, can be an interesting angle to explore, honestly. I could see a universe where Mikan is attracted to Nagito specifically because he's sick and needs her. Especially if he was her actual patient, which adds even more power dynamic to the whole thing. Both Nagito and Mikan have control issues and those issues can be shaken until the whole bottle pops.)

But all of these problems, post canon? You know what they are? An interesting conflict. Working through these problems post canon is just as interesting as exacerbating them in despair. There's a dark side to this relationship, but that's okay, because with effort and time, those cracks and hurts can heal. The whole theme of SDR2 is redemption! Second chances! And that's true for these two, too. And I think it can be true for their relationship.

I do think with proper care and consideration, these problems can be solved and healed from, and a truly sweet relationship can blossom.

I think komamiki in general is an interesting ship. One that can be healthy or toxic depending on the situation/circumstances of it, but in a way that only makes them more fascinating to consider for me. Fluffy dynamics are cute! But what really draws me to a ship is when you can have variety. When different characterization in different situations can vastly change how the ship plays out. I like the option to choose, to explore those different dynamics, all the ways things could have gone. And that's what komamiki gives me! For a while, it was my favorite DR ship, and though it's been beaten out by others now, it still holds a special place in my heart.

Hii so I’m new here and haven’t touched danganronpa in years, so I’m just curious as to what got you into komamiki? My mind is blown whenever I see a ship that’s not implied in canon, so seeing your art was like woah!!!! And I just like getting people to infodump about stuff they love 💕

Thanks a lot for the question, anon! This is gonna be a long post, be prepared

In fact, I remember very poorly the moment when I got involved in this pairing. As I understand it, I saw one piece of art and just fell in love with this couple? That is, my brain clicked and was like, "Listen, I like it, there's something in this!"

If you still asking "why" I liked this pairing, then the main reason is an interesting dynamic. Yes, yes, komamiki haters, I know about the ending of the third trial and that these two "hate each other" (as they usually write). But... Isn't there a special charm in this? Has the path from hate to love stopped being a thing? I mean, at the end of the trial, it was shown how well Mikan caught Nagito's weakness. She could have left him speechless with a precise phrase. She understood Nagito.

Isn't there some spice in the fact that you are best understood by the person you dislike now? And everyone you admire didn't even try to understand you?? (yes, Hajime tried in free-time events. I know, I don't deny it. Just for now we are talking about the main plot).

Of course, I can think too much like any other fan of any other pairing. But this dynamic is driving me crazy!

It gives me pleasure to reflect on how difficult it would be for komamiki to restore a neutral relationship to begin with after the events of the game. And it's going to be difficult, as it's going to be difficult for all the killers and victims to talk about what happened, you know? And the difficulties are ✨interesting✨.

What I also like about komamiki is that they are two broken people who can understand each other. They both need psychological (and not only) help, okay?? But in this path of recovery, they can become each other's support.

Mikan is emotional, reads the general atmosphere and someone else's mood very easily, worries a lot. Nagito is actually more detached and calm (unless we're talking about hope-). He knows how to show the emotions needed at the moment, but he does not always read the general atmosphere (and does not always consider it necessary, he is on his own mind). In total, we have two broken people, one is very emotional and reads people well, and the second is calm, which adjusts to the mood of people. And both have low self-esteem and are very, let's call it, helpful. "I will do anything, just don't hate me!" and "I will do everything to become your stepping stone to hope!"

At the same time, they can learn a lot from each other and take care of each other. Mikan, of course, as a nurse. I like to think too much that she put all her strength into Nagito's life after him waking up from the New World Program. Komaeda, in turn, is sharp-tongued, and can protect his emotional girlfriend from unwanted comments verbally. He also knows how to express admiration, I think such words won't hurt Mikan. Tsumiki can also express in words and actions the importance of Nagito's life to her. Uh, a mutual aid circle??

Will such a relationship be difficult? OF COURSE, absolutely. But do you really think that any relationship does not involve difficulties? Including healthy relationships, which are being talked about a lot now? Like, guys, psychologists identify the crisis stages that ANY married couple goes through. The question is not what kind of problems are in the relationship, but how they will be solved. But I got off the subject.

If I think again about the post-canon, then I am hooked by the idea that the Class 77 will become the world's enemy. Not without reason, let's be honest. But, you see, there is no one left in their world who would accept them, except classmates (no, Makoto, don't look at me like that-). "In this world, we only have each other." Isn't this a bit dramatic, tragic and romantic?! (tragic for the most part, but we love it here)

Uh, I think this post is already quite long, it's worth taking stock. I love komamiki, I see an interesting, complex dynamic between them. Most of the time I draw them cute, gentle, romantic, well, because I like to draw them like that. I'm interested in thinking about their relationship, but drawing all sorts of cute things gives me peace of mind. Thanks again for the question, anon! It's always a joy to talk about your favorite couple^^

[background-character-341]

For most of my life I've identified as a cis girl. And then, like a month ago, I discovered that I liked the idea of being referred to as they/them or even he/him. But I still identified as cis. And for some reason the idea of being referred to by he/him just feels weird now. But I definitely felt excited about it before. Still not sure how I feel about they/them, though, so I'm leaving that for now. This is all very wild to me, and pretty confusing, but also, like, exciting? Idk.

[milquetoast27]

Subtext in The Creeping Man

I find that this story of Arthur Conan Doyle's Holmes canon features some of the most complex subtext we've had aside from A Study in Scarlet. But rather than being complex early-on because of our lack of knowledge of the characters, it is rather complicated by the fact that we both know too much and too little of their relationship. This story, with astonishing subtlety, conveys the cooperative relationship between Doyle's two characters — the nuance in their limits and strains, but also the joys that they work to reach, together. It emblemises the beauty of the Canon, where it all ties back to the joy and complexity of human understanding and belonging.

This story opens in "those latter days" (1903, near to Holmes's retirement) where Watson describes their relations as "peculiar". The word certainly feels like a euphemism from the ever-polite Dr. Watson, when it is soon made clear that their relations were far from amenable. Watson has become one of Holmes's "concentrated habits", and apparently is as good as a piece of funiture, as all of Holmes's remarks would have been as "appropriately addressed to his bedstead." It's given through snapped sentences; "I was a whetstone for his mind. I stimulated him. He liked to think aloud in my presence." This "irritation" and discordance between them is extremely concentrated in the early pages of this story, but drags through it, as well. Take, for example, the "laconic" (or perhaps iconic?) message:

"COME AT ONCE IF CONVENIENT — IF INCONVENIENT COME ALL THE SAME. S.H."

Watson gives us the original of Holmes's telegram to demonstrate to his readers just how "long-suffering" he is. A true exhaustion is apparent in how he simply shows the telegram, rather than politely referring to it. Compare this with the unendingly civil telegram sent to Watson in The Boscombe Valley Mystery, and you can see the great shift that has taken place in their alliance.

"HAVE YOU A COUPLE OF DAYS TO SPARE? HAVE JUST BEEN WIRED FOR FROM THE WEST OF ENGLAND IN CONNECTION WITH BOSCOMBE VALLEY TRAGEDY. SHALL BE GLAD IF YOU WILL COME WITH ME. AIR AND SCENERY PERFECT. LEAVE PADDINGTON BY THE 11.15."

While long-term and intimate relationships will remove need for over-courtesey, there are two very different reasons for why Doyle has shown both of these telegrams at a point in time. This accumulation of Holmes's ungrateful behaviour not only imparts Watson's utter despondancy, but also, importantly, Holmes’s — and this is something that Watson's ever-perceptive and intelligent heart does not fail to miss. It is important to note that this story nears Holmes's retirement, where he acknowledges that he has been "sluggish in mind". There is no doubt, then, that the great detective is out of his prime. Hence the temperementalness, taking his Watson for granted, and a heavier reliance on those "narrow and concentrated habits."

Despite the turbulent roads of their life, we see Watson's undying devotion co-exist with it. Past all the irritation, Watson closes, "Such was my humble role in our alliance." It is more than clear that he consciously makes the decision to remain at Holmes's side, to be his ally. Such has always been Watson's role in their alliance. His "humble" service extends to his practice as doctor and soldier. His pride is in his duty to others, and to Holmes as his assistant.

There is something that shines through Holmes's unsocial behaviour when we look closely at the text.

I sank back in my chair in some disappointment. Was it for so trivial a question as this that I had been summoned from my work? Holmes glanced across at me. "The same old Watson!" said he. "You never learn that the gravest issues may depend upon the smallest things."

We know from the Canon (opening of DANC and RESI) that Watson's emotions are like an open book to Holmes. This 'sinking in some disappointment' is not missed by Holmes's 'glance'. "The same old Watson!" he says, and I feel it important to note that he compliments one of Watson's most distinguishing features; his stability and fixture — the "one fixed point in a changing age." Yet, we may miss these details, because Holmes, ever in his own insecurity, must back-hand every praise with a teasing chide. We could say that an attempt was made to cheer Watson up, though not very successful.

Developments continue, as Holmes tryingly says "I had hoped to have a longer chat with you", then parades him with compliments before their client, "Dr. Watson is the very soul of discretion". But mixed indications continue to come as he flips back to patronising language; "You will appreciate it, Watson, when"—. Doyle further cements Holmes's particular unbecoming behaviour on this day as he further also annoys their client, who speaks in a "tone of reproach" when Holmes does not listen, and is "clearly annoyed" at irrelevant interruptions — to which, Holmes only smiles in, what I believe, is pure self-importance.

Here we find a shift — a greater effort on Holmes's part, a second round of appreciation for Watson's stability, even when his opinion is faulty. "Good, Watson! You always keep us flat-footed on the ground". He's then included in his bubble; "We were gradually coming to that conclusion, were we not, Watson?", and even a sordid attempt at bringing Watson with him on the bait of the Chequers in 'Camford' where "the port used to be above mediocrity and the linen was above reproach." (Which he follows up on!)

And, despite these attempts, their connection still does not rekindle. Watson is clearly irritated still with the inconsiderate easiness with which Holmes was able to leave London, leaving only difficulty on Watson's end to join him. It's an indicator from Doyle that nothing's remedied, yet.

Here is an interesting passage for study.

"Have you the effrontery necessary to put it through?" "We can but try." "Excellent, Watson! Compound of the Busy Bee and Excelsior. We can but try — the motto of the firm."

Burstive praise from Holmes at the merest utterance of a phrase — a phrase which has only ever been used one other time in the Canon; the previous story, The Problem of Thor Bridge. This suggests it may be some small motto of Holmes's, though one not often seen in Watson's records — this makes his use of the phrase a very Holmesian approach. This participation, no doubt, is nothing but a delight for Holmes, who is trying to restring their relationship, and continues to overenthusiastically affirm Watson's sturdiness.

Yet it's made clear that superficial praises are not a true apology, as we see signs yet again of Watson's dispassion. As they sit to their meeting with Professor Presbury, Watson writes:

Mr. Holmes smiled amiably.

This sentence may seem unassuming, but be assured it is one of the coldest in the Canon. This usage of "Mr. Holmes" is entirely unique within the Canon. In other times, when Watson has used "Mr. Holmes" or "Mr. Sherlock Holmes", it has been when speaking directly to his readers, since they would be using the honourific. This moment is the only exception, where Watson has intentionally used "Mr." to create distance and convey undesire for intimacy with Holmes (rather than any professional effect). Why has Watson used the line here? Well, Holmes is 'smiling amiably' — in a way that forces a friendly manner, one that attempts to create a good impression with Professor Presbury — which also didn't work out, by the way. Considering all the superficial means up to now employed by Holmes on his companion, Watson no doubt feels cheapened and no more important than Holmes's investigative objects; as if his trust is just as easy to gain as anyone else's, with nothing but an 'amiable smile'.

We are shown time and again that Watson isn't pleased with Holmes's desultory attempts at reconciliation, until finally, a shift happens. One that is not identifiable in the text, and so is reasonable to assume happened unpenned. We find Holmes acknowledging that "Dr. Watson has his patients to attend to", when before this information seemed completely irrelevant to him. Holmes even sent Watson a "short note asking [him] to meet at the train"! The greatest change is when we finally have Watson using "my friend" and "my comrade" for the first time in this story. Now we see Watson taking real excitement in the case, in the "assurance of [his] comrade". Self-teasing also makes its way into their dialogue as Holmes cries "Oh, Watson, Watson, what a fool I have been!" The emphasised address seems to suggest an apology for something more. It's as if he cries 'Look how wrong I have been Watson, how imperfect and daft I can be!' It's adorable, really.

All semblances of reproach towards Holmes disappear as they steal together in darkness, come to the dénoument of their adventure, as Holmes philosophises on science and nature, and described admiringly as "the man of action". Our story ends in a light-hearted resolution, as always.

"There is an early train to town, Watson, but I think we shall just have time for a cup of tea at the Chequers before we catch it."

To conclude, this story presents so much so subtly in its pages; a reflection of the small, nuanced and unseen processes between human beings, but those which we must be attentive to in order to find fuller understanding between each other. Yet, there is still much uncertainty in my inferences; which also shows the uncertainty of language and communication. We simply must be clear of ourselves, as we can only assume Holmes and Watson were, off-page, for them to have found that resolution, rather than fleeting smiles and compliments. Arthur Conan Doyle, with this story, further cements the triumph of bonds and connection, perhaps far more than any other of his stories.

[moe-broey]

Fellas can you take this somewhere else. Maybe. Just not in the fucking halls. Thanks 🫡

I couldn't resist drawing out these tags I wrote on a dif post LMFAO

Moe just has...... SO many problems.......

Close-ups of my fave shots!

The elusive Líf...

[tempestmothstorm]

"I think I would have just deleted myself if you didn't show up."

Yeah this is just straight up canon. But i have more thoughts though. So.

Like if you look into her dialogue is like abundantly clear that she’s just suicidal. It’s different from someone like Sayori who’s actively suicidal because she feels she is worse than everyone else, or Yuri who I don’t know is suicidal but has self harming tendencies she takes too far in act 2, or Natsuki who isn’t at all and is like “wtf are you guys ok”. The answer is no btw.

Monika’s whole outlook on it is that she has a lot of passive suicidal ideation that she pushes aside because she has to be the best. Her issue isn’t centered around her specifically being bad but instead a feeling of pointlessness with existing and the fact that the act existing itself puts burden on the world.

She’s also the type to make jokes about it, which I think is telling about her attitude about death, especially when compared to the others where the idea of dying is still terrifying and scary and something to hide. Meanwhile Monika acts casually as if people’s lives actually don’t matter. We all know her “left her hanging joke” and her general nonchalance with the other girls’ deaths, but the secret poem “A Joke” is probably written by Monika too, and the punchline is another reference to sayori’s death. The special poem about cutting is also by Monika, which shows that she would self harm if it weren’t for her needing to be the ‘responsible one’, and that she’d only do it again if she killed herself. She writes it as if it was a quirky relatable diary entry and not something deeply concerning, which in of itself is also deeply concerning.

There’s also the iiiiiiiiiiii.txt file that has her say that it would be “really easy to kill (herself) right now”. Reasonably the easiest way to do it would be to delete herself. While her constantly reminding the player how easy it would be to delete her is supposed to be a hint on what to do next, it does say something about her when she constantly fixates on it, almost as if she’d thought about it. Like a lot. She thinks about suicide and mental illness just as much too. Also a lot. And existential philosophy a lot. And death too. Again. A lot.

Her friends aside, she clearly just thinks about these things on her own, which implies some real bad things about her mental health considering literally everything else we know about her. Like it’s pretty obvious she’s not ok base game. And yet she doesn’t go through, in fact actively avoiding getting deleted because she still wants to see you. Because you are her only hope.

While her attachment to the player has like a dozen factors influencing it, I think a lot of it is also connected to her more suicidal ideas. She does emphasize that you “saved her” a lot in act 3 and while it mean saving her from her reality, knowing some of the other talks, it also could have saved her from giving up entirely.

Not to get too repetitive about how her life sucks, but like she really has no reason to exist in her eyes post epiphany. Nothing outside the literature club exists, there’s no past or future, everything is fake and has no consequence on the real world, and worst of all she’s completely alone with whatever connections she could have being fake. I think this one quote from her “introverts” talk basically sums up her situation:

"You know, I really do think you literally saved my life by being here with me, [player]."

"I can't imagine having been able to keep myself mentally stable, knowing that nothing here is real."

"I think I would have just deleted myself if you didn't show up."

"Sorry, i don't mean to sound dramatic or anything."

"Ahaha!"

"But I'm sure you understand yourself after spending so much time in the club."

"I mean, if you were forced to abandon everything in your life and spend your eternity with a few game characters..."

"...You'd probably find some way of killing yourself, wouldn't you?"

But yeah something something the connections you have with others gives life meaning and when the relationships she did have turned out to be false, she reached out to you, whose love could be real and whose existence as a real person is the only thing that could give her life meaning.

Another Monika talk that’s relevant would be the “No reason to be alive” talk. I’m not posting the entire thing here because it’s too long but the entire thing is pretty relevant. In it she talks about how living is pointless because you probably aren’t special and your existence alone takes up dozens of resources that isn’t worth wasting.

This highlights two factors that I think influence her thought process. One is that she feels like existence is worthless and likely won’t affect society at large, and with the whole being a video game thing the connection is obvious. The other is that she worries about how much of a burden she is on society. She wants to earn her right to exist in this world. When her reality doesn’t exist, this specific framework doesn’t seem that relevant, but when it comes to being a burden to others this ends up becoming a lot more alarming (and also creates another Sayori parallel yayyyyyyy)

Notably she mentions the key to happiness is to live selfishly and just look out for yourself and your friends. This can’t really apply in her own reality when she can’t see her friends as sentient, but when it comes to you, she can deliver just fine. She says she want to “live (her) life desperately striving to pay back (her) lifetime's worth of consumption” and with her own reality being pointless, paying back the people around her (you) is the next best thing.

But what if she failed to

"Of course, even if I fail to do that..."

"I think I would be too selfish to kill myself anyway."

"So much for being a good person, right?"

Sure thing buddy.

Another thing i want to mention is that it’s implied that these thoughts aren’t new. Like with some of these talks it’s ambiguous whether these ideas came pre or post epiphany. With her whole nihilistic thinking in base game contrasting side stories, it wouldn’t be that surprising if her thoughts got a whole lot more cynical over time. But she does seem to talk as if she’s thought about them for a while, while the epiphany was apparently recent in her memory.

For example in the “Dying” talk:

“It's something I used to think about pretty often..."

And in the “No reason to be alive” talk

"But the older I get, the more I realize that it's an immature frame of thinking."

Uh yeah these ideas aren’t new.

Of course it was probably taken to an extreme post epiphany and thinking about existential topics is normal. By itself it’s probably not some secret sign of mental illness, or at least not anything severe. (Sure she talks about a lot of stuff like mental health issues but it doesn’t really reflect on her, it just shows she can understand others perspective. Like she can talk about the introvert experience without being an introvert. Idk she’s just very empathetic and reflects a lot on the world. Makes her epiphany a lot more ironic though. So.)

But her post epiphany persona was very much built on preexisting ideas she had before that. It might not be that serious, but the fact that it’s there at all is concerning knowing what we do. The implications that come if this is all true is facilitating tbh and it honestly makes the side stories more interesting too. Like her whole “i have to be the best” attitude is probably connected to all her worries about being a burden or worthless.

And her whole thing in trust becomes a lot more layered too. The standard she holds for herself are not carried over to Sayori, who she sees as deserving of life just by being herself. She doesn’t want to be a burden or distract from Sayori’s problems, because her own true self isn’t good enough. Sayori is reassured that her existence is valuable and that she isn’t being a burden, something that goes against Monika’s entire act 3 talk yet is some she believes wholeheartedly.

This is also contrasted by base game where she straight up jokes about her death because death barely matters to her either. In base game, Sayori doesn’t matter, she isn’t special or even sentient, just a pile of code that gets in the way of Monika’s plans to reach the player. In base game Sayori is worthless and a burden, where Monika’s worldview has extended to everyone else. Yet in side stories she doesn’t think that, her standards only applies to herself because she loves her friends, they are what give her life meaning. Of course they deserve to live. They don’t need to prove their worth.

She’s a hypocrite because she values her friends more than anything. Again, the Sayori parallels are obvious from this angle, she has these exact same thoughts, with the only difference being that base game Monika projects her fears of worthlessness onto everything else while sides stories has her a lot more similar to Sayori.

Now the difference between side stories Monika and base game is really just how far their ideals reach, because normally Monika is like ok mentally , while in base game she’s suicidal along with everything else. Forget her saying she’s too selfish to do it cause it’s heavily implied she does do it in other universes.

Speaking of which I never hear people mention the MES emails in this cause a singular line puts into perspective how influential the player’s presence is on Monika and just how bad her mental health is. She is the MES’ guinea pig that everyone wants to see suffer (actually I don’t know how common knowledge this is I just got here and mostly stick to tumblr so idk)

So with the Side Stories MES email i think with all the lore drops we sorta forgot some of the more self explanatory info, including the fact that they have multiple VMs of ddlc and that there were “3 or 4 of them created and then destroyed by Monika”

While most people conclude this is just a reference to base game i think a lot of people dismiss that fact that these aren’t the game VMs, these VMs have no access to a player. Yknow. The player she relies on that supposedly saved her life.

Yeah i think she just deletes everything including her in apparently 4 separate universes. She kills her self in 4 universes.

She deletes everything in act 3 too but specifically because they get in her way between you, and the only reason she doesn’t delete herself there is that she still wants to see you. When the idea of reaching you is crushed, she gives in. By act 4 she ends up like all the other VMs, deleting everything knowing she can’t have you, can’t have reality. I mean the only thing keeping her going is the dream of reaching reality and finding real connections to people, and the idea that her existence will forever be meaningless probably pushed her to the extreme.

The player is the only real person who can give her life meaning and value, and in a world where the rest are seemingly fake, you’re also the only human connection she has. Again, the things that keep her going is her life being valuable in some way and the people around her. Post epiphany she only has you to care for with everyone else being thrown to the wayside without consideration of their own wellbeing.

So of course in act 4, where her connect to you is severed and she is suddenly aware of the harm she’s caused, she’s the lowest she’s ever been. Her reason for living is to be there for her friends and somehow pay back reality for how much she’s taken. And yet she let her friends die and let herself use them for her own selfish gain. She failed them, and has therefore become someone she see as not deserving of life. And with her last hope of the player rejecting her reach, she has no reason to keep going. So in the Easter egg where the player tries to bring her file back after deletion, she refuses to follow. She doesn’t deserve to intrude on their happy ending. She doesn’t deserve to come back.

And she doesn’t.

In future games she’ll probably return though, and with all the secret files and her motivations in the normal ending, I feel like it’s going to be for redemption by finally being there for her club.

She sticks around because no matter how much guilt she feels about just existing, she still wants to be there for her friends. Because while a lot of the act 3 dialogue was not meant to be something people agree with, there was one thing that I feel like is good if you look at it in the right way. Maybe people can’t pay back for the lifetime of consumption they’ve done just by living, but people can pay back and be worth existing just by looking out for their friends and those closest to them. Even if there can be doubts about life and existence as a whole, it doesn’t matter in the end when there’s joy to be found in the people you care about. Even if you make mistakes or hurt them, you can still find a way to make it up to them, to still deserve happiness in the end. The one thing that makes life worth it is the bonds you form with others. Because the people around you are what give life meaning.

She can’t let go and she can’t give up because she still has people she loves and wants to protect. So she’ll keep living for the people she loves. That’s all she needs to do in this world to make it worth living.

I hope she succeeds.

(Side note i took a lot of the Monika talk examples from this post. I did have my own ideas even before i read the doc and I already knew about this stuff anyways i just don’t wanna scroll through the entire wiki again to see all the Monika talks and this is pretty comprehensive. The extra imput is also useful so yeah)(anyways thanks for reading this really long tumblr essay. Good job and drink water ;D)

i would like to bring up that monika has probably considered deleting herself before

like staring at a high cliffside and getting the urge to jump

[basuralindo]

Hey do you think Jamil has trouble seeing people his age as peers?

Like, growing up having to be a caretaker to a guy literally a few months older than him, always expected to act like the adult in the situation, expected to work with adults and adopt their perspectives and pick up their slack. Do you think he just, forgets sometimes?

I mean we've seen him go into caretaker mode with other sophomores, and the only people I've seen him take seriously are juniors like Vil who also act much older than they should have to (his reactions to Leona look more like a trauma response and I don't wanna get into it here). People like Malleus and Cater still somewhat get the caretaker treatment. Like I just highly doubt that he subconsciously realizes he's actually part of his age group

Aaand that inevitably brings up Azul, who also acts like he thinks he's older than he is. Whether you're looking at it from a shipping angle or not, he reacts to Azul like an actual peer. With older students, he seems more in his element but there's still a status hierarchy which he compulsively reacts to. With Azul he doesn't acknowledge any status worth respecting or see him as someone who needs to be looked after. He just bickers like an equal, in a way that implies he actually does see Azul as a real peer, like subconsciously he's categorized this guy into the same group as himself, who was previously alone on that level (he gets like this more with the twins too, over time, but it seems to start with Azul).

And my favorite part about this is, while that response stems from them both acting more like adults in general, they elicit a pettiness from each other which drags them both down to actually acting their own age, and I just love that. Their characters are perfect foils for each other and it seems to make them both less isolated in a way.

[theradicalace]

i just think it's so funny that when *i* lash out and start bitching *about* management to my coworkers because of a stressful day at work, i get pulled into the office to discuss my attitude, but when a manager lashes out and bitches *at me* because of a stressful work day, i get a halfassed "oh sorry, but-" and i'm expected to roll over and take it.

[dont-open-dead-inside-25]

god, do people just... express emotions on accident? is that it? because every time i express something other than unbridled joy it's a deliberate and calculated move... isn't it, if you don't like someone/what they're doing you make micro changes to your behavior and then when they ask about it you say it's fine because that's the script for that situation..? if you're uncomfortable you show it in the "im trying to hide this feeling" way... like you're perfectly capable of not showing any emotion but that's not what you're supposed to do. people are supposed to be able to tell that you're hiding something you have to hit that sweet spot. and if they're close they can ask you what's up and if you're feeling rebellious you can tell them and then you can talk about it. if you're upset and "hiding" it and the person doesn't notice that's their fault. they're not doing their part in the social interaction. right?

[sysig]

It always seems like such a good idea in the moment (Patreon)

The first four are in reference to a great idea I had of - since I’ve finished my lower-limit page number testing for making books; shorter fics take up less page space, and just increasing the font size isn’t as handsome! - simply making a mini book! All it would take would be to halve the pages again, right? Just cut them right down the middle! Easy peasy!

As I’m sure you can tell by the second, no. Not easy peasy. Difficult painful un-fun >:(

Obviously I still did it tho! What do you take me for, someone who could have the idea of an even tinier book and then not do something about it?? No It’s also the only one so far to have a paper bookmark rather than a ribbon!

All told it’s a bit smaller than your average manga (I love the monochrome covers on these under their dust jackets haha <3) - you can see even with effectively doubling up the pages by halving their size, it was still very small-spined!

A quick shot while it was still being made hehe ♪ It’s Out! Paired here - and the earlier one, just without its dust jacket haha - with my Zarla SC2 collection (ft. Family, Negotiations are Going...Well, and With No Obligation) - I absolutely kicked myself after the fact for not including Out as the run-up to everything, I was really trying to make a full collection in probably-chronological order! Out would’ve been a perfect start! And it only would’ve taken like four pages!!

Ah well, it was still quite a learning experience - I probably wouldn’t make another standalone of under 4k-ish just for formatting reasons but I did get some good ideas of how to do so if I wanted to! Although, my next project is going to be even more of a formatting nightmare........I’ll get there when I get there! Lol

[keeps-ache]

ouhhh i'm turning into my grandmother [chewing on wriggley's gum]

[viiridiangreen]

uh cw fatphobia ig lol

me: i got a stationary bike

my partner's parents each time we've met since incl at the family gathering. also the entirety of my social feeds outside this app: OH YOU HATE YOUR BODY? I HATED MY BODY TOO OMG!! YOU WANNA LOSE WEIGHT? YOU WANNA B U R N F A T???? RECIPES TO SLIM DOWN! THIS ROUTINE GOT ME SHREDDED IN A MONTH! BECOME UNRECOGNISABLE! SHRINK GET SMALL FUCKING DISAPPEAR <3

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