#then reuniting with Sam and wanting to be a “good example (despite the fact that Sam consistently smokes) and going straight and narrow

[bi4bisamjess]

stoner dean! stoner dean! stoner dean!

[piraytoro]

Where was your outrage when Sam had his righteous anger stolen from him, over and over, and every time this was framed as a good thing? The black man cannot be angry the way Roy and Jamie and even Ted can be. His righteous anger would not be seen as righteous, and so it must be handled by others, he must be talked or maneuvered out of it. He would not be having a perfectly natural and reasonable human reaction; he would be seen as violent, uncivilized, uppity. This would not be an issue if this was framed by the show as a problem. If the show allowed his father to admit that his anger, while justified, is directly compromising his safety. That it’s not about him and it never was; it is and always has been about the systems of oppression and racist hatred both baked into the system and being actively perpetrated by those in power. But no: he should forgive people for things they haven’t even tried to stop doing. You know, for himself. The system must be opposed only using the tools of the system itself.

Where was your outrage when Edwin Akufo and Shandy were reduced to racist caricatures, leaving in fits of rage and losing their composure entirely—their true, savage natures coming out to belie their attempts at the trappings of civilization. They don’t know how to compromise, they don’t know how to accept the decisions of others with grace, they refuse to change their behavior and only think about what they want. They’re power-hungry, but don’t know how to wield that power responsibly or justly. Both of their endings involve literally shit, a defiling of these majority-white spaces, whether pantomimed or actually physically present, while their white foils in Keeley and Rebecca are allowed to conduct themselves with grace and poise, as presented in direct contrast to them. Where was your outrage when Akufo was brought back only to be denied the very same chance to redeem himself that this show so loves to give its white characters? In the end, even fucking RUPERT is unwilling to stoop so low as he.

Where was your outrage when Dani Rojas was reduced to a caricature of machismo as soon as he was removed from a majority-white space and reunited with other Mexican players? Where was it when we had to wait the better part of two episodes before being reassured that Isaac wasn’t a fucking homophobe? Speaking of, where was it when the show completely failed to address the racist fan hate that players in this sport just like Isaac struggle with every time their team is doing poorly (and often when they’re not!) during its emotional reckoning with an equally ubiquitous homophobic slur? Where was your outrage when a giant chunk of the fandom on this very website was spewing the most reprehensible shit at Nate for doing the exact same things that at least three white men had already been forgiven for within the first few episodes of the damn show?

In fact, where is your outrage about Nate presumably STILL being the ASSISTANT KIT MAN while Roy gets promoted to head coach despite having admitted that Nate is good at all the things he struggles with. “Nate has to work his way up” why? Jamie didn’t get punished for his years of tormenting Nate. He never even apologized, he became a better person and all of a sudden people started pretending none of that ever happened. But Nate, he has to apologize individually to everyone he hurt and then he still has to “earn his spot back,” and yet no one seems to see a problem with this.

And these are just the most egregious examples. But yeah, the worst thing this show ever did was fail to unite your two or three white faves.

[typinggently]

I have never watched that show. How much background info I should look up to enjoy your Sam x Dean fiction?

Dearest, that’s so sweet ahhh 🥺🥺 Honestly, I’m so honoured that you’re willing to dive into unknown waters for me 🌹🌹🌹 I wrote up a short introduction! ✨

The basics are as follows: Sam and Dean are the sons of John and Mary Winchester, with Dean being 4 years older. After Mary’s supernatural death when Dean is 5, John sweeps his children into his car and leaves the burning corpse of their normal life behind, with a sweltering pain inside of him. Driven by fear for his sons and the burning need for revenge, John raises his sons as hunters and in motel rooms. There is, and that is crucial, no resemblance of a normal life for any of them after Mary’s death.

If we’re speaking in very basic terms, Dean is the daredevil womanising Marlboro Man, complete with muscle car and leather jacket, and Sam is the more soft-spoken smart one who eats salad and has glossy-soft hair. (However, of course, Dean is fiercely family-oriented, protective, good with children. Sam started out with a rebellious streak and is still capable of great violence when he doesn’t keep himself in check. Also Dean’s the type to gaze dreamily into his girl’s eyes and hold her hand as she rides him and Sam’s one night stands are mostly of the ‘rip off your shirt and hit it from behind’ kind.)

~🖤~

Considering there are 15 seasons to choose from, people have (naturally) picked up certain elements that they find most enjoyable. There’s a good deal of people who watch it as a (romantic) comedy.

I personally enjoy the American gothic horror, the way those two are entangled beyond comprehension and, at times, indistinguishable from the monsters they hunt. Even if my fics have different topics or are lighthearted and honey-dripping, the base note is always this: their relationship, due to nature and nurture, is incredibly obsessive. Their world has been reduced to the two of them in the confines of the car or the ever-changing motel rooms, ever since they were little. Dean’s purpose in life was to protect and care for Sam, Sam’s purpose in life was to let that happen. There’s some resentment in that, sometimes you can feel them rebelling against this tangled, claustrophobic mess, but even if they fight and snarl and break up, they always return to one another and heal those cuts in their bond, which, in essence, only means that they settle back into their entangled, Janus-like double soul.

~🖤~

I’ll give you a brief summary of the first five seasons (the core of the show, at least to me), just to illustrate my point. Despite all else that happens, I think that is the foundation of the show, and thus, probably all you need to know to understand what I have in mind while I write.

🔥.1.🔥

The story begins with Sam at college, trying to establish a life away from the road and, in essence, Dean. That attempt of normality burns on the ceiling in the person of his girlfriend Jessica, repeat performance of when his mother’s body lit up his room 21 years ago. Dean picks him up and he goes back to the car, to the life he tried to leave behind, and, essentially, to Dean. They follow a trail of breadcrumbs and coordinates John leaves them to eventually get back to him. They find John, find the demon that killed Mary, and, as the turn of a new chapter is right at their fingertips, get bulldozed by a truck.

🪦.2.🪦

Season two has Dean dying. John can’t let that happen, so he finds the demon responsible for taking everything (his wife, his life, his son) from him to trade his own soul and the only thing that could kill said demon for Dean. John dies, Dean lives, and has to live with that guilt. Just like John, he turns to hunt down the demon responsible for taking everything (his mother, his life, his father). Sam starts having visions, a power grows inside of him that he can’t begin to understand and is incredibly frightened by. The demon sweeps in to steal him away, and Dean comes just in time to catch Sam, powerful and dying, in his arms. Just like John, Dean goes to trade his life. He’s promised one year on Earth, eternity in hell after. Reunited, revived, they find the demon responsible for taking everything and with the help of their father’s soul, kill him. John goes to heaven, Sam goes on living, Dean knows he’s going to hell.

⏳.3.⏳

In season three, Sam lives and has to live with what Dean did. He desperately tries to find a cure, a solution, anything. He finds Ruby, instead, a demon who promises him all three. It doesn’t work, the overly-powerful demon Lilith who was promised Dean after one year, comes and gets him. Sam watches helplessly as Dean is torn apart, then holds him, warm but cooling, in his arms.

🩸.4.🩸

Season four finds Dean finding himself breathing underground. He digs himself out of his own grave and finds Sam and has to find out that Ruby found him first. It’s now that we learn who found Dean and raised him out of hell: Castiel, unkillable, unfathomable, unbelievable. Dean, who never believed in God, now has to learn that there’s a biblical plan laid out for Sam and him. Meanwhile, Castiel, who always believed and is starting to doubt, tries to find God, who’s responsible for it all, but vanished. Meanwhile, Sam is drawn closer and closer to Ruby, by Ruby. While Castiel raised Dean out of hell, Ruby found Sam on Earth and wrapped herself around him, offering a shoulder to cry on and a wrist to drink from. Sam, who wasn’t strong enough to save Dean, quickly gets addicted to demon blood, which makes him stronger than humanely possible — and, in Dean’s eyes, less human. He falls for Ruby and falls for her scheme, which leads to him breaking the seal that kept Lucifer contained, starting what will lead to the end of everything. Ruby’s life ends with Sam’s arms wrapped around her, holding her still as Dean sinks her own knife into her.

⌛️.5.⌛️

Season five leads to the end of the world, with Heaven and Hell trying to convince Sam and Dean to follow the plan written for them: Sam is destined to be Lucifer’s vessel, give over his body to him, while Dean is meant to do the same for Michael. They are meant to fight and kill each other, and thus decide the fate of everything, heaven, hell and earth. They refuse. Dean refuses to let Michael enter and use him, forcing heaven to manipulate their half-brother Adam to step into his big brother’s shoes. Sam invites Lucifer in, but refuses to do as he’s told and breaks the Devil’s hold over him to sacrifice himself and Adam and save everything. It ends with Sam, Adam, Michael and Lucifer trapped for eternity in the cage Sam broke the seal of, and Dean, on Earth. Alone.

(Not quite, of course. Following Sam’s wish, he finds a life for himself, a woman and a child that isn’t his but close enough that Dean can pretend. Outside, in the dark, Sam watches.)

~🖤~

Voilà, that’s it. Sam and Dean kill and die for each other, sell their souls and humanity to save one another or repent for the fact that they couldn’t. There are many, many other stories interwoven there, for example the story of the amulet Sam was meant to gift their father when he was little, for protection. When John doesn’t show up to receive the gift, he gives it to Dean. For decades, the amulet is kept right against his heart, until it stops beating and Sam takes it off, to keep it warm and safe against his own chest. When Dean returns from hell, Sam, who was never able to believe that Dean was really gone, gives it back. Its journey ends where it began, in a motel room with Sam and Dean, when Dean, who finds his faith and hope to save them and the Earth crushed, takes it off and throws it away.

(And a quick look at s6: Dean has the orange juice for breakfast, scent of freshly cut grass life Sam wanted for him for one year, until Sam comes to collect him again. After spending an eternity in the cage with Lucifer (and Adam and Michael, who presumably sat in their corner and made out while Sam was being skinned like Marsyas), Sam was lifted out (by Castiel), but lost his soul and the memories of his torment in the process. What does it mean for one to lose one’s soul, what happens to that person? Sam stops sleeping, he stops caring what other people think, he stops caring for other people in general. He’s an incredibly efficient hunter and spends most of his (limitless, sleepless) time hunting, exercising, or having sex. Despite this empty, cold shell his brother has been reduced to, Dean drops his life of dinner at eight and slow morning sex to join Sam, and gets broken up with over the phone for being too attached to Sam.)

~🖤~

This got quite long after all, but I hope this got the idea across! Those two are very fascinating characters and I love them dearly. Twisted little clowns.

[carveredlunds]

TW: SUICIDE MENTIONS I’m not the first person to point out that Chuck’s ending makes no sense. Chuck himself says he’s omniscient in 15.17. So, him needing a “heads up” from Michael about Team Free Will’s plan doesn’t make sense — he should have known what they were going to do, and he should have known what was happening when Jack absorbed his powers. He shouldn’t have lost the way he did. Unless he didn’t lose. When looked at another way, Chuck’s ending might have been what he wanted all along. Or rather, it would have been, if Sam and Dean had killed him.  According to Wikipedia, “suicide by cop or suicide by police is a suicide method in which a suicidal individual deliberately behaves in a threatening manner, with intent to provoke a lethal response from a public safety or law enforcement officer.” It is entirely possible that Chuck deliberately went full Big Bad in the hopes of eventually getting Team Free to kill him. He knows that Sam and Dean are the messengers of his destruction, after all. They’re the only ones who can finish him. And what better way to go than at the hands of your favourite humans? I’ve talked about this before, but here it is again: in 15.02, Chuck said “So, that Game of Thrones ending? Pretty great, right?” A lot of people assumed this was a sign that he didn’t know what constituted bad writing, that it was a nod from the showrunners to the audience, like they were saying to us, “Don’t worry! Supernatural’s ending won’t be that bad!” But what if he liked the ending of Game of Thrones for another reason? What if he saw himself in Dany’s final storyline — an evil tyrant, gone mad with power, being killed by the show’s protagonist for their own good? This theory still holds up if you also take into consideration season 11′s characterisation of Chuck. If you don’t just assume that everything Chuck did in season 11 was a trick or a lie (which I don’t), then he was absolutely willing to sacrifice himself to save the world from Amara. The suicidal intention was already there. But then he reunited with Amara, and figured he’d give living a shot for a while. But that didn’t work. By the time the season 14 finale rolls around, he and Amara have parted ways, and he is bitter and cynical and done with it all. He just wants out, even at the cost of everything he’s created. He’s alone without his sister, he hates himself (as he said to Becky) and he’s been alive for so long, creating whole worlds just for something to do. Speaking of Becky, I think Chuck’s visit to her in 15.04 was when his plan to commit “suicide by the Winchesters” really formed. He went to see her because he had nowhere else to go, and he starts out the episode lost and self-loathing. He writes an ending to the brother’s story which Becky doesn’t like (not featuring his own demise) so he snaps her out of existence, and rewrites the ending slightly (which is the ending we see in episode 19 — basically the same one Becky read, except now with Chuck’s death at the hands of Sam and Dean included. This is the scene where he says “This is gonna be good” to himself.) By the end of this episode, he is completely sold on the idea of being the ultimate Big Bad and letting Team Free Will kill him in the end. Before episode 4, he wanted to abandon this world with Amara, and go to create something new. This brings me nicely onto the subject of of his creations. If you look at Chuck’s systematic destruction of his other worlds as a suicidal person getting rid of all of their personal belongings and ties to life (on a cosmic scale) then it aligns with the theory that he was on a self-destructive mission. One of the common signs to watch out for in suicidal individuals is a cavalier attitude towards their belongings, with people who have made a plan to die often giving away possessions to loved ones. They may also appear cheerful, despite having a plan to die. But this is because they have a plan to die — they see an end in sight, and they’ve made a plan to get there. This too falls in line with Chuck’s behaviour. From 15.04 onwards, he is as happy-go-lucky as any other Big Bad of the show, cracking jokes, grinning jovially, and generally seeming happy. So, here is Chuck’s “Death by the Winchesters” Plan in its entirety: First, he set himself up as an antagonist in the eyes of Team Free Will in the season 14 finale. Then he destroyed all of his creations, except the world featuring the Winchesters who were the messengers of his destruction. Then, he absorbed Amara (the only other being who might want to talk him out of his plan). And finally, he went to face them in that final showdown in episode 19, in the hopes that they would kill him and finally put an end to his ancient, lonely, existence. Chuck shows lots of the hallmarks of a suicidal and depressed character, even in season 11, but definitely in seasons 14 and 15. He’s antagonistic, destructive, lonely, reckless, self-deprecating, and nihilistic. According to save.org, there are 11 warnings signs of suicide:

1. Talking about wanting to die or to kill oneself 2. Looking for a way to kill oneself 3. Talking about feeling hopeless or having no purpose 4. Talking about feeling trapped or being in unbearable pain 5. Talking about being a burden to others 6. Increasing the use of alcohol or drugs 7. Acting anxious, agitated, or reckless 8. Sleeping too little or too much 9. Withdrawing or feeling isolated 10. Showing rage or talking about seeking revenge 11. Displaying extreme mood swings Of these 11, we can remove “sleeping too little or too much”, on account of the fact that he’s God (though he does seem to sleep a lot as the Prophet Chuck, even in the middle of the day. This could be put down to his method acting, but still worth mentioning!) Anyway, really, it’s a 10 point list. And of those 10, Chuck displays the following signs: 1. Talking about wanting to die or to kill oneself (“To die at the hands of Sam Winchester. Of Dean Winchester, the ultimate killer... It's kind of glorious” in 15.19) 2. Looking for a way to kill oneself (His “Death by the Winchesters” Plan) 3. Talking about feeling hopeless or having no purpose (“Yeah, I just don’t know what I’m doing. I feel so lost” in 15.04) 4. Increasing the use of alcohol or drugs (drank excessively as the Prophet Chuck, hung out in a bar in 11.20, and went on a bender at the casino in 15.08 when he killed all the staff and hung around gambling) 5. Acting anxious, agitated, or reckless ( “You don’t need me. No one does […] I kind of hate me right now” in 15.04 shows his anxious/agitated side) 6. Withdrawing or feeling isolated (examples in this gifset I made) 7. Showing rage or talking about seeking revenge (“It’s time to start cancelling shows” in 15.12, and his many temper tantrums from 11.20 onwards) 8. Displaying extreme mood swings (see: every episode featuring Chuck from 11.20 onwards) That’s 8 out of 10. That’s 80%. And while he doesn’t actively talk about feeling trapped, being in unbearable pain or being a burden, he does say that no one needs him (in 15.04 with Becky), and talk about being unfulfilled and disappointed with the world (in 11.20 with Metatron, in 15.12 with the Radio Shed Clerk, and in 15.17 with Amara.) So perhaps his ending did make sense after all. He wanted the brothers to kill him, but instead, they refused, and left him alone to suffer.

[laora-inn]

Supernatural - 15x19. Why it’s a good ep considering Destiel

As all of my SPN metas, it’s Destiel positive and happy end positive, don’t like - don’t read.

I wasn’t disappointed of this ep’s outgoing, in fact, I’ve been waiting for something like that.  Here in September I wrote my specs for the last 7 eps, and for 15x19 there was one: “they will not talk about Cas’s saving. And he will be dead in this episode for sure”. I was especially sure about this spec after 15x18. ‘Cause THE INTRIGUE guys. 

There is no intrigue at all - only Cas’s returning/saving in 15x20 could SAVE THE SHOW. Other way - it’s never too late to rebel :) Though I don’t think it will be necessary, not in this case.  So I liked the 15x19 outcome and my hopes for the DeanCas happy end are strong as ever. 15x19 made them stronger. 

I liked a lot of things in the ep - so, so many of them. Jack and Dean’s grieving. Blood mark on Dean’s jacket. Sam and Dean’s readiness to surrender. Dean’s demand for Chuck, to return Cas - though ONLY CAS AND DEAN THEMSELVES COULD DO IT. Luci’s comeback as a fact - I speculated about it a bit here, though I thought more of Nick calling to Luci. But Nick was also Chuck’s puppet, why not?  Luci’s playing Cas - “let me in”. We saw Dean’s weakness, so clear that it hurts and could be even uncomfortable to watch. We ALL understood that was a coy the moment Luci called I suppose - but not Dean. And THIS FACT alone is nice - not the details though.  Michael’s tragedy, though hidden and not well-played - but it was there.  Chuck’s inability to love. The whole metaness of his character - “I’m cancelling your show” again. His death wish. Sam and Dean’s revenge neglect. “That’s not who I am. That’s not who we are”. Chuck as a human, without his strength. It’s strange, but I think he could be happy now! If he’ll change something in himself, of course.  Chuck’s empty Book of Death. His book is empty now, there will be no new Death... and he can start from the beginning. He can write his own story now and be redeemed - despite all the things he had done. It’s a new page for him as well. Chuck finally could be free himself.  The way Jack became the new Almighty AFTER exploding in the Empty. THE EMPTY IS THE ONE THAT GAVE HIM THE STRENGTH, it’s not the enemy. I wrote about it here.   Amara’s mentioning - and it was Sam who asked about her, she was important for both Sam and Dean all the way.  Beautiful acting - they certainly did their best with the script given. 

The way how the children should be free of their parents - Michael and Luci from Chuck, Sam and Dean from Chuck - and their dad, his name even wasn’t curved on the table by the end of the ep and despite the kind words to John in 14x13 we saw in 15x16 and 15x17 how destructive was John’s impact on Dean - not at Sam, ‘cause Dean was protecting Sam all along. Jack from Sam and Dean - this freedom is blurred though ‘cause of Cas’s absence in the episode structure. But his freedom is a good thing itself - for Jack it’s impossible to be a human, Kelly believed that. Cas believed that. Cas saw paradise on earth - so Jack’s chosen fate was in being a Child who is everywhere, in all of us, who doesn’t play with us, but lets us act ourselves. He isn’t the God as we understand him in strict norms, he isn’t cruel and abusive.  And he should be free of any expectations from Sam and Dean - Cas said it in 15x18 to him. Jack is a grown-up in his own manner. He is independent now, and that’s a good thing. 

Also, there is a promise in these shots:

We see these shots 3 times - before Jack returns all the humans, in the process of returning (see the girl whose bike was abandoned at the road at the end of 15x18 and at 15x19 beginning?) and when he talks about him being everywhere.  One More. The One.  Is Jack the One now? Is he the one more One?  Is it ONE MORE EPISODE? One more story? One more thing? One more... You can continue the thought if you want. All I want to say - these shots are visually important and I find them hopeful :)

I liked Sam and Dean in the end. I’m a Destiel shipper but I’ve never hated Sam and Sam and Dean’s relationship. I just think it’s not good for this relationship to be romantic - it’s not good for both of Sam and Dean. But I respect them and their bond and don’t see anything bad for DeanCas ship in it. In fact, it’s quite the opposite - Sam was helping both Cas and Dean all the time. I’m afraid of thinking what will happen without him. Nothing good I suppose. I liked the way this scene was filmed. It’s also hopeful for me - though the double reading here is possible.  But I think “just us” is not the end.  I liked the names curved on the table as the fact. Now it’s confirmed - they ARE a family. All of them.

I liked the choice of the song - Running on Empty. Wow. Symbolically - ‘cause the Empty in the story is the separate character AND the place, you know. I liked a clip-show at the end. It’s nostalgic and sweet, and it has Cas in it - he IS the part of that, not only as Dean’s love interest, hey. He has his own party.  Here the story of blood ends.  What’s next?

We’ll wait and see. 

And now - some things in 15x19 which left me disappointed. 

I must confess that I’ve always loved SPN myth-arcs and wasn’t noticing Destiel as a thing for a while because my interests weren’t in the field of shipping. This show wasn’t about shipping for me - and the weirdest, it isn’t about shipping for me now. It’s a DAMN GOOD STORY WITH THE SENSE. And the sense is love. Yep. 

So this episode didn’t do well with the myth-arc.  

You see, I kinda enjoyed some of Buckleming eps. For instance, 15x13 - I love it, and there are some more. I’ve even appreciated their lack of subtext, parallels, allusions sometimes. They could be very specific. One more example - when Dean in 11x03 cupped Cas’s face, it was very easy to understand the ROMANTIC nature of their relationship and stuff.

But this ep?! 

Pandemic situation added some stress I suppose. Nevertheless, all the story with Lucifer and Michael is just catastrophic. The only strong part was Lucifer telling Michael how Chuck can’t love - and the fact that his words were confirmed by the plot, and Chuck’s inability to love finally ended him. We’ve known that. We’ve predicted that. I’ve written about it here. 

“You’ve killed your own son” (c) Dean, who didn’t do that.   

But the rest part of this story---ugh. Killing Luci so easily? Michael is so plain as a character? Are you f*cking kidding me?!! Even AU!Michael was more interesting, I swear. I had a feeling that I myself could write this part of story better. And it’s not about lack of Cas as Dean’s love interest or hope for his returning, or for DeanCas whatever, I’m pretty sure we will get all of that. It’s about the myth-arc only! One of the main ones from season 4! 

All this epic story of Luci and Mike could be done much more better. Like WAY MORE BETTER. With the same convo, you know,with the same outcome, which is absolutely correct - we are not supposed to serve our parents. But different details, WTF! And that’s my main point here. 

There are some other things that I’m disappointed about, though less:   1) Betty the Reaper was a total WTF either despite of her eager lines. 2) I need more explanations about how exactly Jack gained his new power, how is he reunited with Amara, how he returned all the people BUT NOT Donna, Bobbie, Charlie, Jody, Eileen, Cas - not the people HE cares about. Or they are not important for him now? This thing could be resolved in 15x20 though. 3) I didn’t like physical violence from Chuck. A) I have some doubts if he can properly do it, he like to watch. What’s changed? I’m not convinced. B) I felt physical pain from that scene. It was awful. It all could be showed for us in a different way, but they didn’t want that. 4) I didn’t like how Chuck’s mind changes every second. I don’t kill you, I don’t care about you, you’ll live and suffer, no, I’ll kill you. It could be written more properly, but hey. This part is much more harder to fix that Luci and Mike’s. 5) I didn’t like the dog move. Like AT ALL. I loved Jensen’s kind voice and his acting, but: A) all these doggy parallels are not for me, I didn’t like how Cas was called a dog before - in Buckleming eps specifically (and that terrible parallel in 8x15!), but not only there. I didn’t like when Atropos called Sam and Dean Cas’s pets either. Not my kink, sorry - and it’s JUST TOO THICK; B) it’s classic move. So classic that it’s dumb! The Bad Guy always hurts some cute pets. Kitties, doggies, birds whatever. That’s how we are supposed to understand that he is Bad. Hey, we all know that Chuck is bad. Why to add something? To mess with Destihellers? Not helping here. 6) The moment with Luci instead of Cas (for Dean, for Jack) could be less “haha gays” and more proper either I guess. It feels more like a mocking to me the way it is, whether the idea was good. Luci played Cas for Dean before (11x11, 11x14), as he played Jess for Sam and Sarah for Nick, and he played a father for Jack. He was in his place there - a mock from Chuck. But you can’t blame Chuck on the poor writing ALL THE TIME. 7)  Also the music. It just didn’t feel right.

8) The end for Jack is right... but also somehow confusing, like something is omitted. Or SOMEONE. You know whom.

Someone whose absence also made Michael so plain, I suppose. 

Jack’s story started with Cas, I think it couldn’t end without him. Jack was so devastated to hear about his death - and all is OK in the finale? ‘Cause he is the Almighty now? And Michael - he was also connected to Cas, we saw it in 14x10, in 15x08 - all the way actually. There should be some mentioning of Cas from Michael I think. Not from the DeanCas point of view - it’s Adam who noticed something in 15x08, not Michael, Michael was angry with Cas. But somehow their connection made Michael stronger as a character. Okay, he is not strong enough to rebel. But that’s Cas who said that! He said that he felt sorry for Michael, that it’s Lucifer who was always the smart one. 

Without this context Michael isn’t easy to understand - though we heard that Adam is erased and I liked that. That’s a hint - Michael had a strong will when he had Adam, without Adam he is lost, just like AU!Michael was. 

I think he is lost because he killed his Lucifer - in both cases. He gave Chuck his ending - and Chuck can’t respect that, he doesn’t like that. He doesn’t like to win.  So Michael couldn’t rebel though he’d known about Chuck’s motives from Cas, and not because of love, but because him being a cuck.  And all this will be much more easier to understand with Cas’s mentioning. But NO. We had a dog instead. Like WTF again??? 

The Jack’s part could be fixed in 15x20 I suppose. But not Michael’s part.  Well, sorry for him.  Now I must add the myth-arc was also connected with Cas all along. He is not just the main hero’s love interest - well, HE IS, but he has also his role in the plot. HE IS A REAL TRICKSTER of the show, the rebellious one, the rule-breaker - at all levels. So without even MENTIONING him in the main myth-arc all this arc looks like a card house, and not as proper as Luci’s card house from this ep was. 

This arc deserved much more better. It deserved Cas as a trickster. Don’t like him even mentioned ‘cause he’s also Dean’s love interest? Well, say good-bye to a proper myth story. And that’s a shame, in my opinion. 

‘Cause 15x20 could be 15x19 and vice versa and both eps could win ‘cause of that. 

Well, that’s the reality we live in. And we’ve got so much goodness already. We should be thankful for that. 

9) Who the hell is curved Jack and Cas’s names on the table? Sam and Dean? Jack? With Mary, it had sense, with all these flashbacks. I understood she curved her name herself. What’s for Cas and Jack? What’s the point? Dead for good? I know that’s NOT the point. So what is it? I can’t understand it here. 

We need continuation, guys! :)

[lexs-movie-review-and-views]

Movies I watched in January 2021.

(only includes movies I watched for the first time)

 A stranger outside (directed by Jake Helgren) – 2018 (12) 2½ stars.

This film is a who is it/who did it movie about a girl named Daphne (played by Brittney Underwood) who is babysitting a young boy called Toby (played by Jet Jurgensmeyer) whose parents are out of town.

I gave it a low rating since I found it very dumb and the acting is not good, a hard movie to take seriously, the characters are also very stupid, and it is an overall very predictable movie.

But saying that, I would still recommend if you want to watch a movie you can make fun of and like seeing family bonds being made (between the babysitter and the boy). It is also a good movie if you want to get into horrors/thrillers or get someone else into them.

*spoilers*

The main reasons I found this a dumb movie is how obvious it was that the maid was the killer, like, what maid only cleans the kitchen and does it in less than 5 minutes? She was also an overall bad killer and felt like a very lazy try.

Also, the girls reaction to everything, I don’t understand why they didn’t lock all the doors and how Daphne walked through the door that she put the windchime, a very dumb move. Also, Daphne’s friends when being killed, I could not wait for the scene to be over, she wasn’t doing a particularly good job at trying to escape.

*spoilers done*

Uncle frank (directed by Alan Ball)– 2020 (15) 5 stars.

This film is about an 18-year-old named Beth (played by Sofia Lillis) who travels back from Manhattan to her hometown Creek Ville, South Carolina, with her uncle Frank (played by Paul Bettany) for a funeral and end up being joined by his boyfriend (Played by Peter Macdissi).

I gave this film such a high rating because of how real this movie feels and how the acting feels so pure and you can tell that they put effort into this. I also just really love family connections in movies. It is just such a beautiful movie, made me cry so much. This film also really highlights how much Frank is terrified of his parents fining out he is gay.

I just highly recommend this movie. Anything I say will not do this film justice.

*spoilers*

The main scenes that really stuck out to me where: 1) The flash back scenes between young Frank and past lover Sam. Mainly the scene where his dad (played by Stephen Root) catches them together one night. And he didn’t the relationship his son had with the other boy, which sends Frank into a panic. This scene also shows the type of man his dad was and how that impacted Frank.

2) The will reading where Frank is outed. This scene really pinpoints how much hatred Franks dad had towards him. In this scene you can also see the sheer panic he has and doesn’t want to stick around and find out what is family will say.

*spoilers done*

Deadly detention (directed by Blair Hayes) – 2017 (15) 1 star.

This film is about 5 high school students; the ‘hot girl’ Lexi (played by Alex Frnka), ‘hot boy’ Barrett (played by Henry Zaga), the ‘sporty female jock’ Jessica (played by Sarah Davenport), ‘the skateboarder’ Taylor (played by Jenifer Robyn Jacobs) and the ‘presumed gay, Christian’ with his bejewelled bible named Kevin (played by Coy Stewart), who all have Saturday detention. Their detention takes place in a now closed prison with someone trying to kill them.

I gave the film such a low rating since its just bad. The script is awful, the characters are written so poorly, I can’t believe this movie was able to be realised, it is also very predictable, you are able to tell who the killer is within the first 10 minutes.

This movie gave me the vibe of a poorly rewrite of ‘the breakfast club’ if it was a horror in prison. But if you want something you can watch to laugh at and not take seriously then you could watch this.

*spoilers*

The main things that really annoyed me with this film are not that the killer was obviously the cop but that:

1)    Barrett never stops smiling! Someone is trying to kill him, and he doesn’t even care.

2)    Taylor and her skateboard, she can’t even ride properly, she should have left it, it’s not important.

3)    Keven and his light up shoes, and how he had to make sure they were on the same colour, he should leave them alone and hide.

4)    And just the fact that Barrett and Lexi care more about hooking up than trying to escape a killer, especially when Berrett is already dating Jessica.

*spoilers done*

Deadpool (directed by Tim Miller) – 2016 (15) 4 stars.

This film is about a man named Wade Wilson (played by Ryan Reynolds), who wants to get revenge on a man named ajax/Francis (played by Ed Skrein) for experimenting on him to cure Wades cancer and to give him healing abilities, but it ends up leaving him disfigured.

I gave this movie a high rating because of how it managed to include multiple genres at once; for example, this film included, action, a little gore, comedy, raunchy and romance. Also, the uses of breaking the fourth wall, I think was done particularly well.

Other things I like about this film is that he does not call himself a hero, because he does not want to be and at the end of the day, he isn’t one, but he’s also not a villain.

*spoilers*

An example of this is right near the end when Colossus is giving that classic ‘you can be a hero’ hero speech, Deadpool shoots Ajax. Because killing him was what the main plot of the film was.

*spoilers done*

Soul (directed by Pete Doctor) – 2020 (PG) 3½ stars.

This film is about the journey of jazz piano player/middle school teacher, Joe Gardner (voiced by Jamie Foxx), who experiences a near death experience that gets him trapped in the afterlife, trying to reunite his soul and body, who is landed the responsibility to be the mentor to the soul, 22 (voiced by Tina Fey), who needs to find her spark to be sent to earth.

I gave this movie a middle rating because I like what it portrays – where your dreams come from, where your interests come from, also that for some, it can take a lot longer than others to figure out what they are. However, I feel like this film feel flat the longer it went on, it also feels like the people working on this got bored at the end and did not care anymore. Could as well be due to do with the fact that there were a couple things I thought would happen and make more sense but did not happen.

But its still, at the end of the day a cute, funny, family movie and great for kids to learn that they should do what they love and its okay if they take longer than others to figure out what they love to do.

*spoilers*

Examples of what I thought would happen/hoped would happen that would have made sense to be in the film are:

1)    I was expecting that Joe was going to realise that he liked being a teacher. The flash backs really set up that was going to happen but then I just did not.

2)    I was hoping that we would get a time skip to a few years later and joe and the person that 22 went into would meet. I was expecting that the happen from the beginning.

*spoilers done*

Adventures in babysitting/A night in the town (directed by Chris Columbus) – 1987 (12 or pg. if you watch the Disney + cut) 4 stars.

This film is about 17-year-old Chris Parker (played by Elisabeth Shue) who is babysitting 8-year-old Sara Anderson (played by Maia Brewton) and her 15-year-old brother, Brad (Played by Keith Coogan), but ends up in a night full of adventures, along with Brad’s friend, Daryl (played by Anthony Rapp), due to Chris needing to pick up her friend, Brenda (played by Penelope Ann Miller).

I gave this movie a high rating because I think it’s a nice funny, sweet movie. I has great family like bonds between them all, which I love to see, and it makes you feel good watching it.

What I liked in this film was that it felt like it wasn’t trying to be realistic and because of that anything so unrealistic that happens feels normal.

I do highly recommend this movie to anyone who likes comedic adventurous films.

*spoilers*

One thing I liked that I found funny was how the gang was trying to capture the kids and Chris all because of the Playboy.

I also really love the scene when we find out Chris’s boyfriend, mike (played by Bradley Whitford), was cheating and after Brads speech about Chris then says he isn’t going to hurt mike because he is a bigger person, Daryl kicks mike. I think the main reason I loved this scene was because it really shows how different each character is from each other, but they still have a great friendship.

One thing that did annoy me about this film was Chris and Dan together at the end. It would have been okay for me, but she broke up with her boyfriend that night. Also, we don’t know how old Dan is, all we know is he is in collage and Chris is 17 in high school.

*spoilers done*

Z-O-M-B-I-E-S (directed by Paul Hoen) – 2018 (pg.) 4½ stars.

This film is about a zombie named Zed (played by Milo Manheim) and a human cheerleader named Addison (played by Meg Donnelly) who become close very quickly and need to hide that due to the fact that humans still believe that zombies are evil monsters.

I gave this film a high rating due to the how this movie made me feel, it quickly became a comfort movie for me, if you watch it you will understand where I’m coming from.

I also want to point out that yes, this is a very cheesy movie but its Disney channel, what else do you expect?

And despite it being the classic Disney channel cheese it is, I would like to pinpoint that it covers issues I think kids should learn about, for example; discrimination, not to pay attention to stereotypes and rumours also not to bully someone and just because they may be ‘different’

Highly recommend to all kids and anyone older if they love cheesy films.

*spoilers*

I have seen that some people don’t like the fact that Addison compared her hair would get her treated the same way Zed gets does, and I can see where they come from but to me, I interpret Addison’s hair and wig as real things people can hide about themselves, so they don’t get treated badly and zombies as something that people can’t hide about themselves.

*spoilers done*

Z-O-M-B-I-E-S 2 (directed by Paul Hoen) – 2020 (pg.) 2 ½ stars

This film is about werewolves coming to Seabrook/Zombietown due to their charms running out of their powers, needing to find the moon stone with help from a whitehaired teenager.

I gave this movie a low rating mainly due to how much it disappointed me. I expected much more, especially because of how the first one was amazing. This film felt very fast paced and felt like they didn’t put as much effort into it.

But saying that I do recommend watching, it’s still a fun time watching.

*spoilers*

Examples of what annoyed me in this movie was;

1.     How the zombies as well as the humans automatically assumed the werewolves where evil. You would have thought that the zombies would be more understanding since humans thought that about them before and that humans wouldn’t have jumped to that conclusion as they were wrong about zombies.

2.     The ban on all monsters when the zombies didn’t do anything wrong.

3.     How bucky went back to hating zombies. I don’t understand why because at the end of the first movie he realised zombies aren’t bad.

4.     Eliza should have ran for school resident! Mainly due to her having such strong views I feel like she would have taken it very seriously.

*spoilers done*

Official secrets (directed by Gavin Hood) – 2019 (15) 3¾ stars

This film is about the true events of Katherine Gun (played by Kira Knightly), who is a British intelligence specialist and leaked secret information about an illegal NSA spy operation made to urge the UN security council to give approval for the 2003 invasion of Iraq, to the press hoping to avoid this from happening.

I gave this movie this rating due to how it keeps you engaged in what is happening, despite it being a sort of slow burn. Also, from what I heard it stayed true the real events (I’m 17 so I wasn’t old enough to remember it myself) and I like how it used the actual news footage.

This movie is also easy to follow and to know what’s happening.

I highly recommend this film if you love learning about true events/find them interesting.

The green mile (directed by Frank Darabont) – 1999 (18) 5 stars

This film is about Paul Edgecomb (played by Tom Hanks and Dabbs Greer), the commanding officer of the death row cellblock at Cold Mountain Penitentiary in Louisiana, who meets inmate, John Coffey (played by Michael Clarke Duncan), who has been accused of murdering two young girls. Paul’s life isn’t the same when he discovers John’s special gifts.

I gave this movie such a high rating because it’s just such a masterpiece of a movie. The actors did an amazing job at portraying their characters and made sure you like the characters your meant to like, despite what they did in the past and dislike the characters your meant to dislike.

This movie also gave me so many emotions, for example, one moment I’m really happy and the movie is making me feel good then the next I can’t stop crying.

Despite the rating being an 18+, I would recommend to anyone 15+.

*spoilers*

I would like to state that the mouse, Mr. Jingles is my favourite character so, if you have seen it, you can guess that when Percy (played by Doug Hutchinson) stepped on the poor thing busted into tears and then when John healed him, I started crying even more because I was so happy.

I also thought the ending to the film was very poetic in the way the Paul is still alive and that being his curse, and having to see everyone he cares about die, due to John being executed despite, in the end, being innocent.

*spoilers done*

 Those are all the movies I watched this month. Please know that these are my opinions, and its perfectly okay of you have different ones.

This is the first time I have ever done something like this so please let me know how I can improve. And let me know your thoughts. 

[fogsrollingin]

Title: not even duct tape & safety pins  Author: fogsrollingin  Fandom: Supernatural Story details: Sam & Dean, rated PG-13, 2.7k words, chapter 1/?  Summary: The minute Sam's ravaged soul slipped back into his body by Death, mind and spirit combined to manifest as something barely human. Feral. Death vanished, Dean struggled to hold a screaming, newly re-souled Sam down on the cot, and ever since he's been praying for his little brother to come back to him. A/N: my next entry for @whumptober2020! Prompts filled are No 24. "You’re not making any sense" 😵 and No 18. "Paranoia" 👀. This chapter is the first of many that will continue to be updated after Whumptober.  Tumblr link to Chapter 2 || Available on AO3

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ not even duct tape & safety pins, ch 1 ｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

Sam used to know how easy it was to break zip-ties.

Not now.

Dean discovered this fact while gently experimenting with Sam; he was long past the sentimental aspects of reuniting with his brother.

He focused on the here and now a lot more, if not for practicality than for the sake of his sanity. He studied Sam now, carefully tested him sometimes as he dwelt in the basement panic room.

It had been six weeks since Sam's ravaged soul slipped back into his body by Death, his mind and spirit combining to manifest as something barely human. Feral. Six weeks. Bobby and Dean had been diligently tracking Sam's "recovery" trying to convince themselves it wasn't devastating to witness their graphed plateau lasting longer and longer.

Today Dean figured he might as well see if some hunter's tricks could jog Sam's memories. So, a harmless experiment, the zip-ties.

Sam was always naked, unable or unwilling to clothe himself. He was always warm though. Dean made sure of that. He and Bobby monitored the thermostat religiously. It was harder to keep him clean. Sam gnashed his teeth and growled threateningly but at least he never attacked when Dean cornered him with warm wet towels to wipe off the sweat, grit and grime Sam managed to get on his skin rolling around the floors, stalking along the walls, toppling old furniture. Sure, Sam might fritz into a panic as Dean approached, screaming and terrified, but he never hit or kicked and Dean would rub him down, his ears ringing by the end of it.

Dean tried to outlast his brother's screams whenever he came near so many times. Tried to stay there through it until Sam's throat would go dry, until his vocal chords would seize up, his muscles would relax and his eyes might dull with lassitude. Dean would still be there, soft words and gentle touches and maybe it'd cut a revelation through Sam's mind that he could trust Dean when his guard was down.

But it never happened.

Sammy’s unholy shrieks never stopped until Dean would back away, shaky, the sound echoing in his head. Each time he tried, Dean would last longer than he had before but never longer than Sam could hold out, his little brother's tireless yowls a relentless barrage of mindless alarm and panic. And then every time without fail, when Dean retreated, Sam would instantly go quiet and prowl, wary unblinking eyes staying fixed on him.

It was a tactic, Dean had realized.

Depending on his mood, this knowledge made Dean either furious or on the brink of despair. It was a tactic that worked so well on him. Every time. The desperate, piercing vocals of fear and terror from Sam were never going to be something Dean could ignore.

Today Sam had screeched and shook as predicted while Dean cornered him and put the zip-tie around his bony wrists. When he stepped away, Sam calmed. Dean felt guilty for the dark amusement he felt watching Sam's exaggerated movements looking down, squinting, an aggressive wriggling of his hands trying to part them at the wrist, then the full realization dawning that he was bound; Dean had bound him.

Dean wasn't so amused when Sam looked back up at him, his face ugly with hatred and fury.

Dean never seen his little brother with that look. It was pure and unhinged, a demon's mien, and it stole his breath away.

The look vanished then though, enraged roaring and screaming took its place. Sam ran around and knocked things over and clearly had no recollection how to simply swing his arms down with his elbows tucked to split the stupid thing. He was behaving like an animal caught and trapped and trying to escape with unthinking panic.

Dean didn't remove the ties. He couldn't; he wouldn't bring the sharp pliers near Sam until he calmed down.

Dean and Bobby were worried about Sam near sharp utensils and wouldn't allow it even when they were around and watchful. They just didn't want to risk hurting Sam (or Sam hurting himself) in any way. They knew if he did, Sam wouldn't understand; he might see blood and feel pain and think it was torture, and whatever trust gained between the three of them (and Dean and Bobby had to believe there was some) could be lost.

Sharp objects certainly included razors, and Sam's modest beard stood testament to their concerns. And now, regrettably, so was a zip-tie that Sam couldn't break on his own.

Dean had to leave the room as Sam was really getting underway. His body was a wrecking ball in a tornado when he got like this, crashing through nearly everything in the panic room. Dean swung the heavy door shut, closing watery eyes and sniffing as he slotted the metal viewer open. He opened his eyes to watch, make sure Sammy didn't hurt himself. He also grabbed the pliers off a shelf to the side of the door outside and pocketed them.

Sam raged on, wrists still bound.

Six weeks. In all that time neither Bobby nor Dean had been able to find it in their hearts to bind Sam down - to the cot, for instance, or in a straitjacket. They'd been loathe to even keep him locked in the panic room but they quickly realized leaving him free to the whole house served as a kind of sensory overload for him. He'd freak out over nothing they could discern and there were too many exits to the house - including windows - where a naked Sammy could bolt. And one afternoon just days after the re-souling, that's exactly what happened. Sam had been found shivering, naked on a stack of pallets in the alley behind a Sioux Falls post office. Bobby and Dean had driven like lightning to get there as soon as they heard the dispatch chatter but two deputies were already near the post office and made it to the scene first. Sam snapped and snarled at them when they came too close.  They were at a loss of what to do about him when the Impala swerved into the alley, the two gruff men launching out to take over. Bobby had handled the two deputies as Dean had thrown a blanket over Sam, coaxed him into the Impala.

Shaken and reeling, they had taken Sam down to the panic room and spent hours with him there, patching up his cuts from the window glass he'd shattered when he'd jumped through it, guilty they had to keep him down there but knowing it was the only way to make sure this incident wouldn't be repeated. They did the room up as nice as possible. Power-washed it, got a big box mattress. Soft white sheets. A thick, cushy pillow. Plastic water bottles littered the area too. Dean and Bobby were on a constant cycle of bringing full ones down and the empties up.

Sam seemed completely indifferent about the relocation. Then they noticed a few improvements in his habits which simmered hope. He was using the bed, for example, and where before if Dean forgot to take him into the bathroom he wouldn't be able to make it in time but now Sam got up and used the toilet on his own. That was a big, big win.

So maybe the boundaries of the panic room were a good thing. But bindings had been out of the question. No cuffs, no straitjacket. They couldn't do that to him after what he'd suffered in the cage for eons, after having had his very soul shredded to ribbons by the literal devil. And they noticed that Sam never hurt them and didn't really hurt himself during his tirades so it wasn't actually necessary safety-wise.

They also never drugged him, although Bobby was starting to come around to the idea and Dean wouldn't be too difficult to persuade if things kept going the way they were. Sam needed to calm down sometimes.

But maybe these flimsy zip-ties, the first form of restraint Dean had used on his traumatized brother - but only because he thought Sam would handle them better, get out of them quick - would tucker him out. Maybe he'd shriek and snarl and jump, run, somersault and whatever other acrobatics he could try to reach an exhaustion point that'd get his guard down. Maybe far enough down Dean could catch a glimpse of... him, of Sammy. If he was still in there.

Dean's eyes pricked, his nose ran. It was this grief mingled with paralyzing terror that Sam was gone forever, his immortal soul so permanently scarred and altered there was nothing left of what Dean knew of it.

Dean blinked away tears, steadied his breath, and watched his brother wear himself out. He ended up in a heaving, sweaty heap lying in the corner, whimpering and writhing around, eyes fixed on the white plastic around his wrists in front of him. Despite the giant overhead propellers that served as ventilation, the air down there was still musty, stale, dry. Sam gulped, his breath hitching painfully. He continued to stare at his bindings, twitching and rocking his body on the floor in a mix between anxiety and what Dean figured to be self-soothing repetition.

Dean opened the door then, immediately going to the floor once he stepped inside. Sam didn't growl as much when Dean would do that.

He army-crawled to his brother. Sam shook and pressed deeper into the cement wall where it met the floor. His eyes were alert slits of suspicion as Dean closed the distance.

Sweat broke out over Dean's brow as he crept closer without much of a reaction from Sam. This was a huge first right now. The only other times Dean had made it this close to his brother, Sam was always wild and panicked and Dean was usually trying to restrain him. Sam hadn't been this calm near him since the re-souling.

Dean blanked out his mind, loosened the grip of fear that held him. But he knew any moment, this quiet between them could break apart, fly away off the rails before Dean could even think to do something with it. This was progress. This was magic.

Don't let go, Sam.

Dean reminded himself to breathe.

Sam's hands were bound by flimsy plastic in front of him as he lay on his side, huffing petulantly, his damp-from-sweat hair tangled and splayed out everywhere, beard straggly, lips chapped, but he was maintaining eye contact. His eyes were so clear, so much his little brother that it hurt deep in Dean's chest. Murky green, turquoise, patches of hazel, flecks of gold in brown, all fixed on him as though he were a stranger. Dean yearned to reach out and press the pads of his fingers to the side of Sam's face, smooth his hair, and just keep at it until Sam closed his eyes. Dean was so desperate for just that tiniest, simplest lesson of trust they might be able to experience.

Without taking his eyes off him and before he even knew what he was doing, Dean lifted a hand. Sam jerked back, shaking, looking between Dean and his hand like they were separate entities, one unpredictable and the other a snake uncoiling, rising to strike. Dean could see the countdown to panic so quickly he just went for the closest contact point between them and ended up petting Sam's arm.

It was awkward, maybe even comical if this wasn't such a desperate bid to build trust with a little brother who felt like the embodiment of the word 'trauma' right now. There was no equivalent in the human experience to the time Sam spent in hell with Lucifer. Dean knew this and in his darkest musings he wondered if trying to coax out any semblance of his Sammy was just added trauma. Hadn't he been through enough? Shouldn't Dean just let him rest, give him the necessities of life and otherwise leave the poor man to his own devices?

Dean's gut and heart always rebelled at that direction of thought. So he kept dragging his fingers gently along Sam's skin. Below the elbow, little strokes, barely there, and Sam had let out a yelp of shock and fear at first but he quieted into low breathy whimpers when he realized there was no pain. He stared at Dean's hand, eyes laser focused. He kept his whole body tense, strung like a bow and Dean realized he was doing the same.

Dean forced himself to relax. He gradually turned on his stomach, he let his legs stretch out, all while keeping a gentle watchful gaze on his brother, keeping his two fingers petting Sam's arm in an unbroken, slow rhythm.

After an interminable amount of time doing nothing else, Dean inwardly celebrated when he saw Sam start to take after him in relaxing. The steady strokes were calming, every sweet touch reinforcing Dean's presence as calm, as harmless.

---

There was a demon. It was lying down in front of Sam, petting him after having bound his wrists, and Sam didn't know its name but it was pathetic. It was always coming to him in this new hell, this round metal tube full of garbage. The demon seemed to be his keeper for the moment. Where had Lucifer gone? And what was this thing trying to do, crawling on the floor to him - trick him? Did it think he was that stupid?

The face was nice though, Sam thought detachedly. It was the first unmarred face he'd seen in ages. Another trick, no doubt, but a pleasant one to enjoy for just a moment. Same thing when the creature started touching him, stroking his arm with feather-light pressure, its fingers gentle, eyes wide open, hellish murky pits of... feelings that Sam couldn't place right now but he knew they existed out there somewhere, somewhere he was sure he couldn't touch, somewhere impossible. His heart twinged, his breath got shallow at the feeling of it, the feeling he couldn’t touch.

Sam discovered then that the demon was fast. It moved, cut the cord that bound his wrists so quickly Sam that barely saw the flash of the sharp metal that did it.

Sam made to launch up and scream this demon away again but then the touch came back, quick as anything on his arms and then down to his hands. Sam watched, eyes wide and following every moment of the demon's gentle, simple caresses as though any moment a knife would materialize and slice pain down him just as soft and pretty and elegant.

When it never came, when the demon finally just got up and left, Sam was starting to think the demon must be sick or infirm. There was something deeply wrong with it.

Looking at the door after it, Sam didn't understand the salty water on his cheeks. He rubbed the wet off until his skin was dry but his face still hurt. His body was numb as always. The demon's touches burned though. They haunted him.

---

"Sounds like progress," Bobby concluded after Dean had filled him in. He was leaning against one of his bookshelves. "So what're you being sulky for?"

Dean bit his lip, staring at nothing as he perched on a stack of books against the wall. He clicked his tongue. "Think something might be wrong with his eyes, maybe."

"Why's that?"

Dean shrugged. "He still doesn't recognize me."

Bobby sighed. After a healthy silence honoring Dean's disappointment, he finally spoke.  "People think we see with our eyes. And sure, if we lose our eyeballs, we won't see. But there's another way to disrupt eyesight and every other sense God gave ya."

Dean thought a moment before nodding with understanding. Bobby continued. "Psychological trauma can mess with what you see, hear, smell, taste..."

Dean clenched his jaw and wiped his face with his hands. "Yeah."

“Makes you wonder how much of reality Sam’s actually perceiving right now.”

"And what he remembers," Bobby added significantly. That Sam might not, might never remember Dean went unsaid but they were both thinking it.

Dean shook his head clear. "No. Doesn't matter. He can make new memories of me," he said confidently. But his eyes glistened. Bobby broke out a second bottle of whiskey.

To Be Continued...

Tumblr link to Chapter 2 || Available on AO3 A/N: 😢 Thank you so much for reading! Please like, comment, reblog if you can spare the time 💛🤗 ~ Alex

[nerdylittleshit]

Thoughts about Spn 13x22

SPOILERS! SPOILERS! SPOILERS!

This was… an episode. I don’t really have an opinion on it. It wasn’t bad but it wasn’t outstanding either. And strangely enough I got the feeling that not much happened. Or rather the things that did happen were to be expected at this point in story. The one thing however that I noticed is that Bucklemming still have a problem with the pacing. And something that keeps happening with all of their episodes, that I never noticed with any other writer, is that their episodes always feel incredible long, and despite the fact that they try to cram in as much plot/characters as they can at times also incredible boring. Or maybe it is the fact that most of the screentime went to Lucifer, doing what he likes best, talking about himself, but somehow I couldn’t warm up with this episode.

The other thing I noticed is that we end the episode in a relatively happy place. The family is reunited, everyone is safe in the bunker. Last year the penultimate episode ended with a Winchester family hug. We all remember however how season 12 ended, so if there is a pattern to be seen, 13x23 will leave us in tears. I’m scared.

Until then though let’s have a closer look at this week’s episode.

Make Room For Daddy

The meeting between Lucifer and Jack has been inevitable all season long. And though Lucifer has been the one actively looking for his son it makes sense that Jack has an interest in meeting his father as well. So far he has only heard stories but he wants to form his own opinion. Naturally Sam, Dean and Cas want to avoid this. They know that if anything Lucifer has his way with words and can be very convincing. We have seen in the past the way he was able to bring several people to say “yes” to him. But with trying to keep Jack away from Lucifer they only play into his cards. Lucifer portrays himself as the victim, the way he always did, and by trying to keep Jack away from his father they confirm this story. I think that Mary, who by now has spent several months with Jack, is right here. It is impossible to keep Lucifer from Jack, and Jack has a right to get to know his father after all. She trusts Jack however to come to his own conclusion about the true nature of Lucifer. Mary knows Jack, knows his good heart, and that Jack in time will see right through Lucifer.

One of the problems is that Sam, Dean, Cas and Gabriel tell Jack how truly evil Lucifer is, but they leave it at this very vague point, without giving him concrete examples. Lucifer has (seemingly) killed Gabriel, killed Cas, tried to kill Kelly, has tortured and abused both Sam and Rowena, and of course killed the later even twice. I’m sure I forgot something, but the point is does Jack know about this? Did they sanitize the stories about Lucifer for Jack, keeping them as vague as possible? Because somehow I doubt Jack would have had an interest in talking to him if he knew about all of this.

I also think we can officially stop worrying about Lucifer getting a redemption arc. There are quite a few characters who did get a redemption arc this season: Ketch, Gabriel, Rowena. What they all have in common is their will to change. Ketch redeemed himself in the other world, risking his own life to help strangers. Both Gabriel and Rowena stopped running away, both stopped acting selfish. And that is exactly what Lucifer is incapable of doing. The entire time he only talks about himself. He never shows responsibility for his actions. Instead he blames humanity, who in his eyes is flawed and weak, and asked to be corrupted. He blames his father. He plays the victim because that is the only role he knows.

In the end it is Gabriel who tells him who he truly is. Someone incapable of love and empathy, a cancer cell that ruined humanity forever. We see that Gabriel’s words do affect Lucifer; he starts crying. But by the end of the episode he once again proves that he has learned nothing. He is willing to let Michael destroy another world, not caring about the humans in it, just to be reunited with his son. And it shows that he doesn’t know a single thing about his son either, because all Jack wants is to keep these people save that Lucifer has now doomed.

Speaking of Michael I still wonder what his goal here is. Does he want to destroy another world? What for? I hope the season finale will give us an answer what Michael really wants. The only way I see Jack working together with Lucifer is also because the two together could be powerful enough to kill Michael.  But will they? Say we get Michael!Dean that could be a reason why Jack won’t kill Michael yet, because he would kill Dean as well. To be honest I rather see Lucifer gone and Michael as the big bad next season.

And then of course there is also heaven’s current situation that will play a role in the next season. Cas suggested Gabriel as a new leader, but it is possible AU!Michael will be in charge next season. He and Jack are the only two powerful enough to create new angels (besides God, but I wouldn’t count on him). The question though is not the power but the “how”. It’s not that a manual for creating new angels is lying around.

I am also not surprised that we saw Gabriel dying again. I’m still not sure why they brought him back in the first place to be honest. His entire arc has been in the end very similar to how his story once seemingly ended in season 5. He stopped running away, took humanity’s side, faced one of his brothers, and paid with his own life, all to help the Winchesters. It is a repeat of his season 5 storyline (minus the torture & abuse), but then again so much about the apocalypse world is a parallel to season 5 and especially 5x04. So much that even Sam & Dean said “We’ve been where you are. Hell, we are you”. We will always end up here.

There must be some kind of way outta here

Right at the beginning of the episode Sam and Dean have to face a moral conflict they haven’t really thought about yet: the fate of the people in the apocalypse world. Until now their plan was to get Mary and Jack and bring them back to our world. What they didn’t consider was the fact that by now both Mary and Jack have become part of the resistance, found their purpose in that other world and are not willing to leave their friends behind.

Because I have already seen some hate towards Mary for her decision to stay: she doesn’t act selfish, rather the opposite. She gives up the chance to be reunited with her sons because she couldn’t live with herself if she would abandon the people she fought with over the past months. She gives up her own chance of happiness in order to help others. Which is basically what Sam & Dean have been doing their entire life. Giving up their own chance to live a normal life, to be safe, so that others can.

It is interesting then how different Dean & Sam react. Because Dean is tired of giving up, tired of sacrifices. And we can’t blame him. This season alone he has lost Cas, his mother, Jack, and minutes ago Sam. He sees everything they have lost and it doesn’t match up. This is also another instance of want vs need. Dean says they need Mary, but the truth is that they don’t. They are no longer children and they have lived the biggest part of their lives without a mother. He wants his mother, and that is the difference. Wanting something or someone for your own, acting selfish for once, is not a bad thing, at least not for Dean, who always prioritized everyone else’s needs over his own. It is okay that he for once wants something for himself.

Sam on the other side sees Mary’s perspective. He has been the one suffering the most under her loss, finding her was his win. He should be devastated to learn that she doesn’t want to leave, yet he comes up with a plan. (And you can see Dean doing the maths, coming to the conclusion that with so many people in the bunker, he has to share a bed with Cas now, there is no other way) Overall this has been a positive episode for Sam. Dean takes the blame from him for bringing Lucifer to the camp, telling him there is nothing to apologize for. And he regains some agency towards Lucifer, as he is the one in the end making sure Lucifer won’t come back with them. He also for once wore some nice clothes, so that’s another bonus. And he got to hug Charlie, before he remembered that she doesn’t know him, resulting in one of the cutest Sam scenes we have seen lately.

The other thing that by now was kinda inevitable was that we would see an alternative version of Cas. There had been already some speculation after 13x18 if one of the angels we saw could have been Cas, but it makes sense that Cas has the same vessel, given that Jimmy Novak was a devout man. However… the accent. Which I honestly don’t get? Why would this Cas speak with another accent than our Cas? My first thought was that he sounded Russian, but the term that I have seen the most on my dash by now is “Nazi Cas” (which basically means Hitler’s speaking pattern, with a huge focus on the “r” because the normal German accent doesn’t sound like that). So maybe the accent was used that we would associate the angels in the other world with Nazis? Making a political statement as the US becomes more right-winged every day. I would love to know if this was mentioned in the script or if it was Misha’s choice. Still, I think they could have done without the accent. Different outfit, different behaviour, we would have already knew that this wasn’t our Cas. And remember 4x20? Within seconds we knew it wasn’t Cas talking to Sam & Dean. Misha is a good enough actor that he can do without the accents.

What I love is that they did keep consistent with the AU characters. Bobby and Charlie are pretty much the same as the ones from our world, because the Winchesters didn’t influence them as much. Bobby was already a hunter when he met them (and John), Charlie was always a rebel. Kevin and Cas however were influenced a great deal by Sam and Dean. Cas has fallen in every way imaginable, has rebelled against his angelic family and chosen the Winchesters as his new family time and time again. However we did learn in 8x21 that Cas has always been a rebel, that he never did as he was told. He has never been in fact a perfect soldier. But in that episode we also learned that Naomi brainwashed him multiple times and it is possible that exactly this happened in the other world. Cas was always a rebel, but it took Sam & Dean for him to finally break free from heaven.

The one line that stood out to me was AU Cas saying “Don’t think you are better than me” in reference to Cas supporting humanity. Which is odd considering most angels see humans as weak and flawed. So why would AU Cas think of our Cas as someone above him, knowing our Cas is helping humanity? Is it possible that AU Cas was jealous of our Cas? That he wished he could have been strong enough to step away from heaven as well, to help the humans in his world? I like to believe that AU Cas had some rebellious nature as well, but that centuries of brainwashing resulted in the cold torture machine that we saw.

And AU Cas torturing Charlie by invading her mind mirrors of course the scene where our Cas does the same with the traitor in the camp. The only difference is that our Cas stopped before the damage would be too much. But looking back at 13x14 we know how far he is willing to go to protect the people he loves. AU Cas says they are the same, and in some ways they are. They are both ruthless when it comes to their individual cause. In the end however Cas killing the other version of him, the angelic soldier Cas, was a huge metaphor for Cas killing his old self. Not subtle but nevertheless satisfying.

And that is all for this week. So long and good night.

[whiteladyofrohann]

What do you think are Jon Snow's best qualities?

I’ve had to shorten this down since Jon is such a preciousperson and has far too many great qualities, too many for me to describe, soI’ve narrowed it down to the four things I think are among Jon’s bestqualities.

Loyalty/Ability to Inspire Loyalty: Jon’sloyalty is perhaps his greatest quality. Jon has the ultimate test when he isnorth of the Wall. It would’ve been so easy for him to abandon the Night’sWatch. He was free, he could do whatever he wanted, he was accepted, he was in lovewith Ygritte, and he could’ve stayed with her and had a happy life. The factthat he sacrificed his own happiness to stay true and loyal to the Night’sWatch proves how great his loyalty is. Another example is when Sam, Grenn etcbring him back when he plans on deserting, but he remains loyal. Jon’s loyaltyto others in turn makes him inspire loyalty. He was voted Lord Commander, thewildlings were loyal to him, he has trusted companions: Sam, Sansa, Davos, allof whom are loyal, he was named King, all because his own loyalty inspiresothers to be loyal to him.

Kindness: Jon is oneof the kindest characters in Game of Thrones, a trait that is seen in all theStarks, but Jon especially. Kindness is so undervalued in fandoms, and is oftenseen as ‘boring’ but Jon being kind to others is what made me like him in thefirst place. Counting himself out so there were enough wolves for the Starkkids, helping Sam, saving the wildlings and letting them south of the wall.There are many instances of Jon being kind and he’s just a wonderful humanbeing.

Love forFamily: Despite being an outsider, Jon absolutely loves his family,another undervalued trait. His relationship with Arya is one of the best in theshow, and he also has a great relationship with Robb and Bran (not sure aboutRickon since we don’t really see or read anything, but I assume therelationship is quite good). Although his relationship with Sansa was strainedas children, it is clear that they do love each other as siblings because oftheir interactions and the fact that they are able to bury the past betweenthem again shows Jon’s love for his family.

Protectiveness:Jon is extremely protective over those he cares about and those morevulnerable than him. When Sam first arrives at Castle Black, it is Jon whotakes him under his wing and protects him as best as he can. This kind of linksinto the loyalty and kindness parts as by protecting Sam and being kind to him,Sam is loyal back to Jon and is easily Jon’s best friend and most trustedcompanion. We also see protectiveness over family, whether it is in the book orthe show. In the books, Jon sends Mance for Jeyne Poole believing her to beArya, wanting to protect Arya and keep her safe. In the show, as soon as he isreunited with Sansa, he makes it clear to her that he will go where she goesand will protect her. Sansa at this point doesn’t believe anyone can beprotected because of what’s happened to her, but Jon will not let anything happento her, demonstrating his fierce protectiveness over family.

There can be many more since Jon is just a wonderful person. Hedoes have flaws, he’s not perfect but his qualities far outweigh them. Feel freeto add your own views on Jon’s best qualities.

[fountainpenguin]

So... In your "Zone Swap" idea, does Jazz figure out Danny's secret like she does in the main series? And if so, does she try to help keep his secret without letting him know she's figured it out?

Heh heh. It’s not much of a secret, really. I’ll jot out some AU basics here because I’m still trying to figure them out myself and decide where Jazz fits best in the AU. This is kind of a rough draft, so details may change later. Skim to the bold parts if you want to see the answer to your actual question; this first part is just some “ChalkZone” babble as I gather my thoughts on secret identities.

My goal with ZoneSwap is to swap some signature parts of both “Danny Phantom” and “ChalkZone”, but still keep the characters as in-character as possible where I can while taking into account all the ways the worldbuilding has been flipped and taking creative liberties as necessary (like making Tucker a ghost to give Danny motivation to visit and protect the Ghost Zone).

As a result of this swap, Rudy can now “go chalk”, turning into Snap, and even use the magic chalk in the RealWorld (though the effects only last as long as he stays in chalk form, and erase when he switches to normal). I’ve said that he can switch at will, but really, he needs to be standing inside a closed chalk shape like a circle or a square or whatever. If he can’t find one and he doesn’t have chalk of his own on hand, he’s stuck.

He can no longer create portals at will, and has to find them instead. I think they pop up on certain chalk surfaces at random, kind of like the Ghost Zone ones do: for example, instead of drawing the underwater portal in “Water Water Everywhere”, it would have opened itself, flooding the quarry, and Rudy only would have known about it once it started attracting attention. 

I can’t decide yet if he would have tried to repair the breach while in regular form or chalk form. Hmm. I’m thinking the ZoneSwap version of this episode would share some similarities with “Life Lessons” from “Danny Phantom”, by which I mean that Reggie would go chalk and try to help Rudy save the town.

Ooh, yes. They go chalk and have to act like they get along in public because the whole town sees them and thinks they’re superhero and sidekick or something, even though they can’t stand each other. Then when the rain finally arrives, he and Reggie end up stuck under a ledge or something in the quarry / nearby area and have to watch the water rise while Penny runs frantically off in search of an umbrella, heh heh. 

As much as Reggie doesn’t care for the wonders of ChalkZone, he still appreciates the world as his escape from reality, and he doesn’t want to see it found or destroyed. Presumably, he’d use his cape like a scarf to hide his face and better conceal his identity. Gotta have secret identities! (So, for the most part, it’s Rudy who has the secret identity now, not Danny).

Rudy also has to deal with dangerous Zoners escaping into the RealWorld, and Reggie the Red, Vinnie, and Terry are bigger threats too. Finally, he’ll dissolve in water if he’s in chalk form and it will hurt a lot.

Danny, following his being zapped by his parents’ basement portal, still has ghost powers, but in this AU they only work in the Ghost Zone. Even though the Phantom look doesn’t carry over, he still calls himself by that name when addressing other ghosts, because they feel more comfortable with him that way.

He still has ghost enemies, but makes lots of ghost friends too, including Tucker, who’s been dead for the last two years. He can also create portals into the Ghost Zone through the thermos at will, but only so many before the thermos has to be recharged. Probably by dipping it in the portal in the basement and filling it with “ghost soup”.

ZS!Danny’s entire deal is, whereas Rudy is a fighter now, Danny becomes a lover kind of by default. For some reason or another, ghosts can’t survive outside of the Zone for longer than a few hours or days (not sure how long yet, but preferably hours for plot reasons). This might be because they can’t breathe, or they can’t maintain their connection to the world (the assumption being that the Zone is the only thing that keeps them grounded) and they fade away permanently.

There would need to be a definite negative association with fading for Danny to react the way he does, so perhaps instead of just fading, a ghost becomes “corrupted” when away from the Zone too long. They might start to dissolve, losing pieces of themself and some of their sanity. Ghosts who were once friendly, helpful spirits might transform into bitter nightmare creatures and act like feral or even rabid animals. Yes, now we’re getting somewhere.

Anyway, unfortunately, lots of ghosts either don’t know this, or believe it won’t happen to them (Imagine the stories that get in the news sometimes about parents putting their kids in risky situations at national parks, such as by spreading honey on their children to attract bears. Or compare it to teens who regularly have unprotected sex but don’t consider the possibility of getting pregnant or contracting STDs. That sort of mindset. “This is the kind of thing that happens to someone else”, “I’ll be careful”, “I know what I’m doing”, etc.)

Let’s face it: The Human Realm is attractive to ghosts. Technus wants to get his hands on all the flashy electronics that Walker doesn’t allow in the Ghost Zone. Skulker wants to hunt. Box Ghost wants to add to his collection. Ember wants to play her music in front of adoring teen crowds. Tucker wants to hang out with his friends. Other ghosts want to explore, visit friends and family, or just simply cause trouble.

Danny has watched his parents chase down countless of these “rogue” ghosts that I compared to feral, rabid animals here. And they’re terrifying. After reuniting with Tucker in the “pilot episode”, I presume, he learns some missing pieces from Tuck and puts together this whole “being away from the Zone too long makes these ghosts lose themselves”. 

So, he and Sam take it upon themselves to inform all the ghosts about such dangers / keep tabs on which ghosts are out and prioritize which ones need to be caught and returned first. Unfortunately, Danny probably gets pegged as a liar or something, so few ghosts are willing to go quietly back to the Zone and he has to lure them into the portals he creates with the thermos.

And there are some ghosts who are well aware of the danger, but come to him seeking aid, so he has to solve their problems, I guess. Something like that.

Basically Danny’s existence revolves around befriending the restless spirits he can and trying to better their afterlives while having a strict “ghosts are supposed to stay in the Ghost Zone” policy that no one listens to (especially a guy named Vlad who wants to exploit ghosts in some way, possibly by making them pay to leave the Zone? My original idea was that he firmly believed ghosts should be free, but I’m not sure how that will work with this “rabid ghost concept. And later in the series he’d start sending them Danny’s way by painting him as a villain for trapping him… I’m thinking Vlad had a daughter named Ellen who just recently died and he’s also trying to find her. Hmm… Thoughts?)

And of course, on the flipside, Rudy plays hero by keeping Skrawl, Craniac, and various other baddies in ChalkZone while at the same time keeping Vinnie and Terry out of it, and dealing with his school life and Reggie. He has to go chalk in order to draw stuff with the magic chalk, and he’d draw lots of things to fight for him (as opposed to attacking physically) while of course sticking to his oath to never again draw a living thing because he can’t handle the stress.

I’m loosely trying to imagine these two shows as if they were designed and written by the writers of the opposite show, therefore resulting in CZ being a darker and more actiony show and DP being cuter and more focused on world-building. That’s kind of tough though, because I can’t just remove all the awesome worldbuilding from “ChalkZone”, and a show about teenagers and ghosts tends to be angsty by default. I’m trying to find a middle ground.

To answer your actual question, everyone in Amity Park thinks ZS!Danny is a loon who runs around being a goofy ghost hunter like his parents. Since Danny can’t use his powers in the Human Realm, Valerie is Amity Park’s big hero. Instead of Phantom getting his name dragged through the dirt, the citizens of Amity Park by default attribute all of Danny’s good deeds to her, even if she only showed up at the very last minute when the cameras arrived. It’s equally as annoying to him as it was when everyone considered Phantom a villain.

Jazz would have to go into the Ghost Zone to realize that Danny has these ghostly abilities. In the Human Realm, he has to chase ghosts while fully human. Their parents would obviously be thrilled that he wants to join them in the family ghost-hunting business.

BUT Danny is trying to help and rescue ghosts, while his parents want to catch and study them. I think the big secret for Jazz to learn in this AU would be that Danny is using the portal despite their parents thinking it doesn’t work. 

She would learn (possibly during that “Snap Out of Water” parody that I nicknamed “Tuck, Tuck, Loose”) that Tuck is a ghost now, and Danny and Sam are friends with him and regularly sneak off to visit the Ghost Zone. I think she would want to be helpful, but her helpfulness probably has its limits.

Jack and Maddie, I guess, would be very worried/upset with A) Danny for befriending a ghost behind their back, B) the fact that he’s been getting in their way and preventing them from catching ghosts, and/or C) having potentially dangerous adventures in the Ghost Zone, or something along those lines. Once Vlad becomes involved, that would add another factor into the equation.

OR! About a year ago, Bill Burnett (one of “ChalkZone”’s co-creators) confirmed that a human who spends 24+ hours straight in ChalkZone will turn into a Zoner permanently, and said that if the show hadn’t stopped airing, we would have met a “British aristocrat kid” who had suffered this fate, and who teamed up with Skrawl in a big special episode (and Bill hints that this is why Skrawl kept stealing magic chalk since only a human can use it, even though we never found out why he was doing this in the show itself). 

So, I could take that detail and add it to this AU too- ZS!Jazz might find out through her parents (or probably Vlad) that the more time ZS!Danny spends in the Ghost Zone, the more corrupted and “rabid ghost-like” he’ll become (possibly because he’s half-ghost, so Sam might be immune). She might tell Danny this, but he would be upset, and they’d get into a fight over who knows more about ghosts, since he’s the one who’s visited the Zone more. 

Maybe he would begin showing signs of feral/rabid corruption, and she has to keep this from their parents while she struggles to find a cure, despite Danny constantly snapping at her that he’s fine and she needs to get off his back. With him being partly dead, maybe he suffers the same way as the other ghosts when he’s not in the Zone, but his development was delayed. So like, he can’t stay in the Ghost Zone without negative side effects, but he can’t stay out of it without negative side effects either.

If ZoneSwap were a show then Danny would probably show subtle signs the whole season, but the topic of his corruption would probably be the Season 1 finale or something, or maybe Season 2 (Personally I like the idea of Dash building a thermos of his own - possibly with Vlad’s help - as the last scene of Season 1 so he and Danny have the same weapon as a nod to Reggie and Rudy both using magic chalk in “Reggie the Red”, so we’ll make it Season 2).

So yes, in a way, Jazz would discover Danny’s ghost side. Even if he doesn’t become the same exact Phantom he does in canon, he’s still half dead and would presumably be of interest to his ghost-hunting parents, so she does her best to keep him off their radar.

I’m still kind of working out the details, but I’m getting there! I have some vague plans for this AU already figured out, but most of this I’m making things up as I go and get to answer Asks like this~

[cursedorsomethingsamrp-blog]

Supernatural 1.01. Pilot

Okay I recognize I was going to post a meta in regards to how I became attached to Sam; however as I started my rewatch; I wanted to put out some of my thoughts regarding Sam. Any opinions would be appreciated.

 I will be starting my rewatch focusing on Sam’s journey and to an extension Dean’s as there journeys are so interlinked with one another; like I mentioned in my introduction I am hoping this assists me on providing a better understanding of Sam’s characterization as he is a character very dear to my heart. Shall we get started?

The first thing I notice that makes Sam different than many characters on television is that we first meet him as an infant and the circumstances within the first few moments on television remain so important for the rest of the series. I adore just how deeply John, Mary, and most of all Dean care for Sam. Dean’s devotion to Sam is evident from the first moments; it appears as if the family is close without any secrets and that they are happy and normal until the tragedy strikes.

Upon meeting Sam at Stanford; the first line he speaks ‘Do I have to?’ while it seems innocent enough; it portrays that his journey is surrounded by the concept of free will; only as viewers we can’t know that for certain until we are further along into the series just how embedded that is in his characterization. Rewatching his happiness with Jessica and his life at Stanford makes me sad knowing what is to come for Sam; he is portrayed immediately as being optimistic, hopeful, intelligent, and compassionate within the first few minutes upon screen. My wish is that I wish we could have seen more of his life at Stanford with Jessica to see more about who they are to one another; maybe a flashback to how they met. From the little shown about Jessica; I see her as vivacious, intelligent; possibly an med student or psychology student; whom found Sam’s quiet, introverted ways intriguing; especially when discovering how intelligent he was. I believe meeting Jessica gave Sam some sort of hope for a new life; as did his other friendships in Stanford.

The interesting thing I noticed almost immediately; as happy as Sam is in his life with Jessica and as devoted as he may be to having a life as a law student; he hasn’t forgotten how to defend himself from those that may endanger his life. It makes me wonder if part of him has been waiting for the day when something may be crashing back into his life; supernatural or human. I feel sad for Sam for that reason; as he has the hope and dreams to be happy; the faith which is seen as early as the pilot to make these dreams come true; that type of desire to find achievement I appreciate. Back to Dean and Sam reuniting; I have always felt that there was more to their communication while Sam was off at college; I think Sam initially probably kept in touch but dropped off for a few reasons; some may have to do with the fact that Dean and John would not be supportive towards him in achieving his goals and he did not need that negativity in his life. Sam most likely made an effort to remain in touch with Dean; due to Dean pride he most likely took this against himself; due to what we see in the boys attitude towards family; at this point Sam’s independence is quite important to himself.

Why do I think Sam agreed to head out with Dean and not wait until after the interview? First of all I think Dean would have headed off without Sam if he wanted to wait those few days as they did not know the dangers their father was in. I feel that Dean was the reason that Sam chose to go; obviously Sam  had quite a bit of resentment towards their father; but I did not feel much of that towards his behavior towards Dean. I did feel some resentment from Dean as well as elements of being impressed by Sam’s new life; maybe some jealousy. I did also feel the fact that as much as Dean nor Sam wanted to show it; they did have a relationship that the years apart did not destroy. Sam still looked up to Dean for a reaction for example when he told him about his law school interview; wanting his brother to be proud of him; while Dean obviously did not wish to go on this hunt alone. Is strange; I can’t help wondering what Jessica made out of her last moments with Sam and how Dean just appeared; as she seemed very compassionate and supportive towards Sam. Obviously she was worried in regards to the negative family background Sam came from; regarding the fact he never spoke of his family. To be fair towards Sam; I am quite certain he never bought his family up due to John and Dean’s disdain towards his education; he probably did not think they would end up crossing paths. The goodbye with Jessica may have been rushed but it is a good motivation; for the course Jessica’s death sets Sam upon as he needed a reason to start hunting again; its quite apparent that he deeply cared for Jessica.

It does not take Sam long to get back into the swing of hunting; as he is quick to know where to look for information; while he may not enjoy it conning the cops alongside his brother. The brothers are more or less on the same page; its refreshing to see the light humor between them compared to what we receive from them upon the later seasons. Upon talking to the victim’s girlfriend; we are quick to see Sam’s strong intuition and his ability to emphasize with the young women which probably encouraged both teenagers to speak with Dean and Sam. How did Dean speak to civilians on hunts? While he is charismatic; very much a flirt he does not have the ability to ease others in the way Sam does with his well-meaning manner; so it makes me curious how he received answers upon hunts. It makes me sad for Dean; as he clearly missed Sam; its obvious from the way he goes about teasing him. I feel at this point Dean really cares for Sam; although he may not fully understand Sam’s desire for a normal life; they also see family differently due to the fact Dean has close memories of his mother while Sam does not. I don’t think Sam sees himself as abandoning his family; by abandoning the life of a hunter; as he wants good things for himself outside of the monsters; a part of me also wonders if Bobby’s distance from the Winchesters had to do with Sam’s abandonment as well (the fight that John got into which is also discussed later in the season).

I don’t think Sam’s strong intuition is tied to his blood; but who he is as a man; he clings to the sense of knowing people well as he feels their emotions well which I can definitely relate to as an introvert myself. Sam’s ability to emphasize with people is a natural part of himself; it comes from his compassion. I love that is shown; he clearly is a deep thinker; even from the pilot; however he is still learning his way; I don’t hate him for trying to find his way nor do I think its selfish him straying away to attend college; despite how much it may have hurt Dean. I love that Sam is also quite passionate and independent; its more apparent in the earlier seasons; as later he ends up sacrificing more of himself into the fight against evil and to protect his brother.

Upon discovering Constance (the spirit’s husband) cheated on her; as the brothers recognize that their father left his journal for them to find like breadcrumbs; leading them on some type of trail; upon driving on the road the spirit finds Sam. Its amazing how early in the series that Sam’s self agency is threatened; when the spirit recognizes Sam would not cheat on Jessica and forcing herself into him; only to get shot by Dean. I appreciate the most that Sam’s quick brain is able to put the information together to find the spirit’s weakspot to save his life; although Dean may not appreciate what Sam does to his car. It seems upon the end of the episode; Sam and Dean have found a place where they are at peace with one another; willing to reconnect and that Sam will be able to find a way to have his family along with his life at college then trauma once again strikes with Jessica’s murder. I definitely appreciate how for the second time Dean saved Sam from the fire; it felt by the end that Dean was his lifeline; if it was not for his brother Sam would have ran into the flames to attempt to save Jessica; but his bond with Dean was just as strong if not stronger.

How is the pilot on a rewatch? Its watchable; the emotions and bond between the brothers is introduced as are both characterizations of Dean and Sam; I think that is what people latch onto upon finding a place to enjoy the show. Watching the pilot; for myself its amazing how much times the series brings aspects from the earlier episodes back as a reminder that each moment is important which is definitely why I chose to do a rewatch in the first place as a reminder of how much is not picked up in regards to Sam’s characterization..