#then like. why even fucking try. if everyone's just going to have a problem with me
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spacelazarwolf · 6 hours ago
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ashkenazi is a minhag not a race. ‘ashkenazi jew’ just means ‘my ancestors ended up in the ashkenaz’ or ‘i follow ashkenazi traditions.’ it says less than nothing about what you look like. i could give you the same reply i give everyone who tries to make this argument, that there are plenty of non white ashkenazi jews, that there are plenty of white non ashkenazi jews, that it’s antisemitic as fuck to assert that ashkenazi jews have inherent racial privilege simply for being ashkenazi, but i think that’s the wrong move because i’m not going to meet you in you misconception. i’m going to try to bring you into the actual conversation.
i said this in another reblog but i’ll reiterate. individual whiteness and institutional whiteness are two very different things, and i think the reason these conversations are so exhausting is because 99.99% of the time, “are jews white” is not a discussion of individual whiteness. it’s a discussion of institutional whiteness, which is even more important to have now that many western countries are headed back toward a more explicit institutionalized white supremacy.
individual whiteness is highly contextual. if you have never had any experiences that made you question how people perceived your race, then you’re probably pretty solidly white. if sometimes you get pegged as white but sometimes you don’t, or if you have to put active effort into looking white, that is an entirely different experience than someone who’s never thought about it a day in their life. which is yet another entirely different experience from someone who is always perceived as not white and chooses not to or cannot pass as white. this is, i guess pun intended, not a black and white issue. just because you, a progressive, look at someone and think they look white doesn’t mean a racist isn’t going to look at them and notice their aquiline nose or textured hair or eye shape. there is no line between white and not white, and imo trying to create one is just giving ground to white supremacists, which i for one refuse to do.
but the problem is, people keep trying to apply these observations about individual whiteness to institutional whiteness, not understanding that institutional whiteness is not based on individual skin color. at its core, it’s based in culture. white supremacists don’t think they’re superior specifically because they have white skin. the ideology of white supremacy was created to explain why, in the eyes of white supremacists, their culture was so much better than everyone else’s. you can see this in nazi germany and fascist italy, the fixation on german culture or italian culture being superior. this was their primary motivator. physical appearance was just the thing that was most obviously different between them and other civilizations outside europe, so it was a convenient explanation.
another thing that cannot be understated in this conversation is that white supremacy was created specifically with jews in mind. yes, white supremacists in europe had contempt for different cultures in other countries and there were a lot of horrific ways that manifested. but this conversation is about jews. jews were the foreigners living among them. they had been othering us for centuries. there was always some explanation for why the jews couldn’t have rights or why the jews were the problem, whether it was cultural or religious, it always boiled down to “they aren’t like us.” and when the ideology of white supremacy was forming, a huge part of it was another attempt in a string of attempts to explain why the jews, the “other”, were inferior. it is not up for debate whether or not jews have access to institutional whiteness. we do not, because it’s an institution that was created specifically and explicitly to exclude us by name.
so hopefully with that context it’s easy to understand why “but police aren’t going to distinguish between a [non black] jew and a white person” in a conversation about institutional whiteness is simply a nonargument. it doesn’t engage with the root of the conversation, and at the end of the day all it does is derail it. and that is not helpful for anyone.
schrodinger's jew: jews are and are not white until an antisemite makes up their mind about which type of antisemite they want to be.
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blond3ang3l · 2 days ago
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Hanging with plug! Connie
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You and Connie knew each other for the last couple years. Having met him through your ex boyfriend since the two of them were homeboys, it was an unlikely friendship that grew between the two of you. People did tell him it was fucked to be hanging with the ex of a friend. He KNEW it was fucked up to his homeboy, but to be fair you were just more enjoyable to be around.
He felt like when he hung around other friends they always wanted something out of him or wanted to use him as a way to shoe off they were “down”. You were just chill and treated him like did everyone else, and that why he fucked with you. He didn’t mind doing shit for you even though you always objected. You were perfectly capable of doing and paying for you guys whenever yall went out but he always insisted.
When y’all first started to hang out one on one he expected it to be like how he was with everyone else. Just hanging in his car or his room and just smoking for hours. He was fried if he thought that all you would do is sit and smoke all day. Once in a while was whatever but you wanted to get out the house once in a while and having Connie go with you was a no brainer.
“Stay yo ass still nigga. You gonna have me fuck you up and then you gonna be mad.” Connie snorted in response while rolling his eyes. He had came over to our place at here in the morning because after arching. Few YouTube videos and tik toks you were convinced that you could cut, bleach, and dye hair. Now the dying his hair wasn’t the problem it was he cutting part, because you ad no clue what you were doing.
“Don’t fuck me up now. I don’t wanna walk around with damn bald spot or sumthin.” You snickered while taking the guard off the razor. Turning around you rubbed the mirror that laid on your nightstand to pass to him. “I think I did pretty damn good right Con?” Looking into the mirror he was surprised to see you actually did a really good job. You didn’t even know it but you were now about to be his personal barber. “ S’ alright.” “Alright??”
Connies arm wrapped around you waist to pull you in front of him while he laughed. I’m fuckin with you. you did good for a first time. Guess I’ll let you try again another time.” He took his phone out his pocket and pulled up Pinterest (which you got him addicted to) and pulled up his board of different styles of art for you to try after bleaching his hair.
“Now go through this and pick what you’re gonna do on me.” “Do I look like an artist to you?” He shrugged without a care in the world. “Well you gonna learn today.” You rolled your eyes but still happily made your way to your bathroom to get your hair dye…
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cherrycheolkat · 2 days ago
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• random slutty thoughts - seungcheol •
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seungcheol is a patient person - he knows you are trying to goad him into doing something and he doesn’t like it
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the library is normally seungcheol’s sanctuary - it’s quiet - none of his roommates seem to know it exists - it’s his space
his only problem is you showing up and invading his space
there is literally every other place to sit, but do you sit in one of these other places? no. no, you sit directly across from him
even with a divider, he can hear every little sound you make
all the little sighs and random giggles are one thing, but when your foot bumps his repeatedly - he is sure he’s going to lose his fucking mind because why don’t you seem to know you’re annoying
in fact, he’s certain you’re the least self aware person to exist - personal space, what’s that for you anyway
but this is too much!
he’s had a rough day - back-to-back difficult classes - he’s gotten a snack and he just wants to stare at his computer and play games for like an hour without being bothered
but you are in his seat - you and your hair that smells really good (he had a class with you last semester, even sitting behind you was kind of annoying, but the impossible-to-name scent of your shampoo was something he did actually like)
he thinks of sitting elsewhere - but no, this is personal because you have to know what you’re doing
he approaches, huffy and pouty
he sees your screen and pauses - of course you’re playing the same game, but you still took his seat
when he taps your shoulder, you yelp and look back, face flushed
“what?!” your eyes are huge
he rolls his eyes, “you’re in my seat,” isn’t it obvious, he wants to add
you glance around and seem to realize, “oh - aren’t they all the same?”
he stares in disbelief, “no, they aren’t,” his voice is sharp
you sigh, “okay, princess, have your seat then,” you huff as you get up and collect your things
he doesn’t care for the remark, or the way it sticks in his brain like an earwig because really ‘princess’ was uncalled for
and when he happens to see you out the following night, you actually stop to talk to him
you smile cutely, “so princess, how’s the gameplay for you?”
he glares, he knows you just want to fluster him, “it’s fine,” he says coolly
but you’re not finished, you keep asking him questions - what kind of gameplay does he like - is he part of a guild
it’s only after you leave to get a drink that he realizes how long you’ve been talking to him - he wonders if you’ll come back or not
when you do reappear, you seem to be walking towards him, but you stop when another guy approaches
he decides he should go home anyway and starts to leave, tossing his cup in the bin as he heads for the door
he’s surprised when he feels someone pinch his ass and whips around
you’re standing there, staring, “who said you could leave? we haven’t even swapped game ids,” you pout
“did you just grab my ass?”
you nod, “yeah, it’s just so,” you sigh, “i just want to touch it, okay?”
he flushes slightly, “you have no understanding of personal space,” he tried to sound like he had some high ground to stand on
you laugh, “says the guy who played with my hair when he sat behind me!”
it was like he had been slapped, “that”— “i never!” he fumbled his reply
you are suddenly very close, “yes, you definitely did and i didn’t say anything because i thought it was kind of cute,” your lips brush his cheek
he swallows roughly, his mouth feeling dry
he feels your hand on his, the way you guide his hand between both of your bodies, then lower, he feels your hip, your low stomach - you keep pressing his hand lower, until his hand is between your legs, feeling the thin fabric of your shorts
he glances around quickly, sure that someone will see
“everyone is busy, princess, don’t look so worried,” he feels your hips press closer to his
he knows you absolutely don’t care that you’re surrounded by other people
he reflexively squeezes you, hearing your soft moan close to his ear, “play with me,” you whisper
“here?” he tries to sound confident, not insanely worried
“mhmm,” you hum as you kiss his neck, “make me come,” you whisper before softly nipping at his ear lobe
“can’t we go to the bathroom or something?” he tries again, hoping for a modicum of privacy
you sigh, “you’re such a worrier,” even as you pull away and head for the bathroom
once inside, you pull him close - the heat between you returning quickly
with a door between you and the rest of humanity, he was quick to unbutton your shorts and let them slide down her thighs, he marvels at your barely there panties and how wet they are
he pushes them to the side, working his fingers into you without a thought, and when you’re quiet, he’s almost disappointed
“this is when your quiet?” he needles
you smile and kiss him, “i can be quiet in the library too,” you quip
he’s surprised when you come quickly, he watches your cum dripping down to the bathroom floor - he’s amazed he got you off so well
he plays with your pussy idly, “that’s what i want to see you do in the library, leave a puddle under the desk,” he pushes his fingers back in - he’s sure your pussy basically sucks him in
you grin, “hmm, and here i was imagining sitting under the desk with your cock in my mouth,” you moan softly against his skin
he shrugs, working his fingers deeper, “it’s not like they’re mutually exclusive,” he reasons
you giggle, “fuck, stretch me more, princess - get me ready for your cock,” you mumble
he wonders if this has been your goal all along, but really who is he to question your motivation when you’re so wet and needy
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until-the-house-shakes · 1 day ago
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Crush (part 2)
Wolfstar Raising Regulus / werewolf! Regulus / Bartylus
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It was a cold November morning during their fourth year the day Barty decided to be brave.
He had this stupid crush on his roommate, Regulus, since the beginning of their first year, and while he thought he was totally cool about it- Evan and Pandora begged to differ and told him he had to tell Regulus about it or stop gushing about him in private.
Which was really unfair in his mind.
He spent the last four years being perfectly normal about his crush in private and now he has to tell him? What type of sick prank is this?
Barty was sure that Regulus did not feel the same about him. Firstly, he was closer to Evan than he was to Barty, so that’s already a strike against the brunette. Secondly, he never laughed at Barty’s jokes. He just stared at him like he was an idiot. Sure everyone else did the same, but it hurt when Regulus did it.
Strike number two.
The third strike, and maybe the biggest in Barty’s opinion, was that Regulus refused to date anyone because of his ‘furry little problem’. During their second year of school, Barty, Evan, and Pandora figured out that their dear friend was secretly a werewolf, and from that day on, helped him however they could. They even went as far as learning to become animagi during their third year, because they learned it could help Regulus. Sure it pissed off professor Lupin because it was ‘dangerous’ and ‘really fucking stupid of them’ but hey! Now Regulus was able to spend full moons with his friends and dad, instead of with his dad alone.
Regulus made it clear to his friends and guardians that he had no interest in dating someone. That his illness only added difficulties to any possible relationship, and he didn’t see any reason to go through such hardship for a ‘mediocre partner’.
Barty had every single odd against him. He wasn’t Regulus’ favorite friend, they didn’t have much in common, and Regulus refused to date anyone. But maybe, just maybe, Barty could be the exception. Regulus didn’t want to date anyone because he didn’t want to go through the hurdles of coming out as a werewolf or lying to them every month. Barty understood the sentiment, however, if a possible date were to already know about the lycanthropy, (and help out each full moon) then there should be no problem.
At least that’s what Barty hoped.
“Hey, do you have any plans for this weekend?” Barty asked Regulus, sitting on the boy’s bed while the other flipped through some quidditch magazine. For the first time in a week, the two boys were all alone in their dorm, and Barty was finally going to take the opportunity and ask Regulus out.
Well, he was also threatened by Evan and Panda to either ask him out by this weekend, or suffer some weird punishment, and while Barty was curious, he found a date with Regulus much more enticing than the threat.
“Dad and I planned on seeing pa in Hogsmeade. Want to come with?” Regulus asked, not looking up from his magazine.
“Oh uh.. yeah I.. I would like that. Wait, don't your dads hate me?” Barty was never the parent’s favorite friend. It was a fact he came to quite enjoy about himself, but when it came to Regulus’ dads, he wished they would at least tolerate him. He did perfectly in Remus’ classes and always treated Regulus like an angel! What more could they want from the fourteen year old?
“They don’t hate you. They’re just protective of me, and you like to get into trouble. That’s all.” Regulus giggled. Gods. If Barty could record that giggle and keep it playing all day every day, he would.
“Well.. maybe I shouldn’t intervene on father-son time. Besides, I kind of wanted it to be just us.” Great, now Barty was starting to get shy. Why couldn’t this be easier? He was normally a confident kid, but the second Regulus looked at him with his innocent grey eyes, and perfect pink lips- all his confidence went out the window and he was just a shy, awkward kid.
“Barty… are you trying to ask me out on a date?” Finally Regulus put his magazine down and looked at Barty. As much as Barty loved it every time Regulus looked at him, he wished the werewolf would stop doing that. Having his eyes locked on his, made breathing and thinking very hard to do.
“… maybe.” Barty squeaked out, feeling his face flush. This could not be going further from what Barty original planned. He was meant to simply ask Regulus out, get rejected, and move on. This long, drawn out, tortuous conversation, was not supposed to be happening.
“Okay. We can have lunch together and I’ll have dinner with my dads.” Regulus shrugged, getting off his bed to grab his quidditch supplies.
Wow. That was easy.
Wait.
“Wait actually? You want to go on a date with me?” Barty asked, making sure this wasn’t some sick prank or awful dream. He would be so pissed if this was a dream.
“I know I said I didn’t want to date anyone… but you’re different. So sure. I’ll go on a date with you, but don’t make me regret it.” Regulus glared at him before leaving their dorm room to get to practice.
Barty simply stared at the closed door in awe.
He had a date with Regulus Black.
An actual date.
He had to tell everyone.
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unoriginalcontent · 2 days ago
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Been thinking a bit about this post; I do believe that to empathize with Trump voters, at least on an intellectual level, is important for purely pragmatic reasons. The idea there is that the right wing propaganda machine is a menace that no one knows how to deal with, and so if we can understand the concerns and anxieties of the conservative voter, we might have an opportunity to demonstrate how Trump is tangibly not addressing their problems and turn them against him. And hell, even if they did vote for him out of bigotry, maybe they'll still be willing to turn on him out of self-interest. However much it sucks, many of these people will not care if you simply point out that his policies harm other people. They've already set the human cost aside as acceptable losses, or else they outright support harming these people, which is why a different strategy is necessary for them. If we can get conservatives to turn on Trump, then even if it's not for the right and morally-correct reasons, that's still a win.
Of course that's all in reference to conservatives who were probably already predisposed towards whoever has an R next to their name on the ballot. When it comes to leftists who refuse to associate with democrats out of protest, I just don't know. I can understand that someone might want to vote out of self-interest and also believe that a Trump presidency is beneficial to them. Obviously they're likely to be wrong, but it's not hypocritical to have believed a lie and acted accordingly. Conversely, I think most leftists are people who will claim that government and voting shouldn't just be about self-interest, and that helping other people is a worthy end unto itself. And yeah, they should have known better.
If you're educated enough on the issues to have known all of Harris's shortcomings, how the hell do you not also know Trump's? If you know them both, how the hell can you conflate the two as equally bad?
We have this idea in the left that our systems are bad, and therefore we can never make progress until we destroy the systems entirely and build something new from the ashes. If you believe that, then please get your head out of the clouds because that's what Trump and Musk are trying to give us, and it turns out to be bad. We live in the system, we depend on the system, if we didn't then it wouldn't matter how many federal programs Trump is trying to abolish. Even if you specifically will be fine, you're writing everyone else off as an acceptable loss. It's not wrong to imagine and strive for a better world than this one, but unless you have viable alternatives ready and waiting, you won't get there by breaking things.
Maybe it's unfair to blame the current situation on people on the left who didn't vote for Harris. I don't even know how much blame matters at this point. And yet I think this is an important thing for all of us to keep in mind. Your moral clarity can be used against you. No matter how good and pure your ideals are, the real world has to come first. And right now that means acknowledging that a huge portion of our democracy chose Trump. And they don't care if you're hurt from his policies, or if I'm hurt, for a lot of these voters your suffering is probably just sugar on top. OP is absolutely right, they probably don't regret wishing leopards onto other people, but that doesn't mean it's not worth convincing them that we should stop the leopards before their faces are eaten. People are going to be poisoned by food which they voted to deregulate, and a part of me wants to think of that as justice. I feel angry. I feel spiteful. These people are taking human rights violations and touting them as victories, fuck them. But anger and spite won't fix anything, even from our side. And no matter how awful some of these people might be, together they're a hell of a voting block. I wish that I could force people to care about the suffering of others, but I can't. And so I hope that it's possible to at least get them to care about themselves.
And if you do think of yourself as progressive, and you still refused to vote for Harris, then I think OP is right, and you really do take a look at yourself. It is true that many of our problems are created and perpetuated by larger institutions beyond our control, but when it comes to democracy, it's not enough blame the system. You're a part of the system. If you don't want to participate, you need to have an alternative that is—crucially—viable, actionable, and realistic in the immediate short term. If you don't have that, which I guarantee you don't, then high-stakes elections are not the time for moral grandstanding.
Sorry for rambling here on your post, I'm probably a bit scattered. I've been having a lot of discussions with people about this sort of thing lately. Whatever strategy the left has for winning hearts and minds, it clearly hasn't worked if someone like that can still win the popular vote. I don't know how to fix that. But I think we all need to be a lot more comfortable ceding the moral high ground if it means making progress in the trenches.
Trump voters owe me financial compensation.
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dragqueenstarscream · 15 hours ago
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Having S3 Knockout/Starscream thoughts because auuuuu they’re so doomeeeeed.
Like, you’ve got Knockout, who needs his aftercare, (and like, yeah, everyone does, but Knockout is especially dependent on it, plus he’s used to Breakdown who was the aftercare master, and ofc those two facts both amplify eachother), and Starscream, who is almost certainly going to insist on domming because by Primus he is not ready to be vulnerable, and is probably gonna be giving no aftercare after because 
A: He’s never really received it himself that often if at all, 
B: Receiving it itself requires that level of emotional vulnerability that low key terrifies him, 
C: Given that aftercare is generally a foreign concept to him, his preference of what he prefers his doms to do once they’re done is to just leave so he has space to dissociate (why is this man so tragic), he probably on some level figures that’s probably also what Knockout wants him to do, so he thinks he’s doing him a favor,
and D: He probably still needs to go dissociate himself, which he didn’t expect would still happen even though he wasn’t subbing, the deeply traumatized fuck he is.
And given that they’re both catty bitches it’s not like they’re gonna talk about this afterwards and try and work through these problems, Knockout is probably gonna just say “yeah, this was a mistake, let’s not do that again” the next day and internally Starscream will be like oh thank Primus because he was just not ready for all that.
And the thing about them is that under non-toxic circumstances while they’d still probably be friends, they would under most circumstances probably never fuck, because they’re really not sexually compatible. They’re just not eachothers types, they both are mostly into big hunky mechs and the only reason they, being a pair of twinks, fucked is because at that point in time they were eachothers only non-actively-hostile relationships, and they were both desperate for the idealized version of a (for lack of a better term) human connection that they both were deeply craving but not ready to deal with the real, messy, complicated version of.
As decent as the sex itself might have been, the overall experience was deeply unsatisfying for both of them, so in the end this whole situationship gets filed away as an unfulfilling rebound fling, so it's really no wonder that when push came to shove the prospect of aimlessly roaming the galaxy with this guy didn't really appeal to Knockout.
and it's just this deeply tragic situation where while someone (Optimus, it's Optimus) could have "fixed" (read: assisted in the healing process of) Starscream, Knockout was under no obligation to be that person, even if it meant the end of Starscream's story was him getting tossed around by dragons. It's just so unfortunate.
anyways, just so this post isn't a complete downer, I do see a few circumstances where things could have worked out between them, I could see Starscream getting thrown into KO/BD working out well, maybe in some universe where Starscream succeeded in killing Megatron in S1 and ended up leader of the Decepticons with Knockout as his 2IC. Not only because Breakdown is just the absolute sweetest and as stated before, the master of aftercare, but also because Knockout still having his stability in Breakdown and not being high key depressed would probably make him more likely to want to take on a "pet project" in Starscream, so to speak. I also remember a while ago you made a post about a OP/KO/SS (sidenote, its so funny to me how the moment Knockout enters a ship the names just get reduced to letters) fic you wanted to write, I don't think I mentioned it at the time but I absolutely would read that if you made it.
So yeah, Knockout and Starscream aren't inherently doomed, but boy howdy did it turn out that way.
ohhhhhh man, these two are another guilty pleasure of mine, but yes. they are absolutely doomed with the way the narrative played out.
the way you said it pretty much sums it up. these two are searching for something in each other that neither of them will be able to find.
knock out needs someone to take care of him. he needs someone to really love him the way breakdown did. he needs someone who's willing to take care of him and make him feel like he's needed, even if he's not that open about it. it's why ratchet being grateful for him was one of the big tipping points which led him to join the autobots, the way i see it. whether or not he was into ratchet, that's up to you, but either way, he was needed.
and starscream needs to heal. this bot has been through so much, from leaving cybertron to losing his trine, and that's not even getting into all of the bullshit he's had to put up with concerning megatron. he doesn't have the strength to be emotionally vulnerable because he's afraid of the consequences of opening himself up. knock out can be a release for him, a way to just forget everything for a while, to not be himself.
so, these two, being each other's only stable relationship aboard the nemesis, sought what they needed in each other. of course this was never going to end up healthy. if they were just back on cybertron, away from the war, they probably would've been those catty best friends who are practically attached at the hip and love to judge everyone together. but in a sexual relationship? aboard the nemesis? in the middle of a war? this was doomed to fail.
it could work, though. i can see where you're coming from with ko/bd/ss, especially if megatron either stayed gone or straight up died. starscream wouldn't have to put up with megatron's shit anymore, and, since breakdown was still there, knock out and breakdown would be able to have that stability. this might leave knock out with a desire to bring starscream into their relationship, should the three of them be into that.
and i'm glad you brought up ko/op/ss or knockstarop, because it's an underrated idea and probably my ot3! the way i see them, optimus and knock out would probably get together first, but the both of them have expressed interest in starscream, so they invite him into their relationship and now they don't have to pick and choose between each other. more love to go around!
but yeah. as much as i enjoy ko/ss, they were probably never gonna turn out healthy with how canon went.
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Of my 2% capacity to be attracted to anyone, my type is like 90% women, 5% pretty men and 5% men you would swear are super fucking manly, and never questioned being straight and cis, but are now suddenly *stressed* that they can't figure out why their attraction to me [fully socially interpreted as a woman and labelled that way up until relatively recently] feels incredibly fucking gay
#you are a straight man correct? Yes. Attracted to someone you view as a woman correct? Yes... But you are afraid that makes you gay?#Afraid is a strong word but also stop asking stupid questions#The end result is I tend to date a lot of men who either then realize they are women or bi or gay and I am there when they are taking out#the messiest parts of that on whoever they are with at the time#and on one hand it means I created a space that made them feel safe enough to self examine#but on the other hand I'm their last stop when the fallout hits#OR they just realize they find the expectations put on them for masculinity to be really oppressive even negligent or abusive#I would say I need to adjust my strategy and stop trying to 'woo' men the same way I don't actually -flirt- with women#but I have already solved this problem by refusing to date ever again#The retrospective is funny though#The problem is I am attracted to men in a gay way and to women in a gay way but no one tells you the consequence of that and looking#like a pretty butch is that it really confuses the straight guys#Like why is this guy who's usually hmmm... as dom and masc as you would imagine suddenly in my lap and red and having entire feelings#about the way I am holding his hip? He doesn't knoww either and he's really pressed about it#And that thing messy lesbians do where they act jealous of you and also like they want to fuck you at the same time that looks like a red#flag from hell? Imagine dragging that out of unsuspecting straight guys -menTM-#They don't know why they are acting like that around me either but it's going to go one of two ways#either it will seem overtly threatening and aggressive to everyone involved including themselves or they'll have enough social sense#and tact to be playful about it but still not be sure if they are flirting or whether they like me at all#I have patience for one of those and unfortunately[?] it's the guy who's in my lap looks like he's being tortured and can't find his footin#not the guy telling me how much he's going to beat my ass at some game and I am going to like it or some macho bullshit#And I will be oblivious for the first 50% of it#because if there are gods they are cruel#He never realized he's actually the little spoon be nice and give him a minute#He can't tell me he likes me if he doesn't know he likes me but I opened a jar for him and asked him about his feelings and now he's warm#I actually ended up never dating many women at all because of weird lesbian mixed signals and things#At least not while they were women#I don't flirt or make friends I just decide that people are mine and start taking care of them [while respecting their autonomy and shit]#and I am starting to think this is how I make problems for myself#yes I am playing 5-d chess with gender and am now a he/they but it is not what it is cracked up to be
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j-esbian · 6 months ago
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i lost the post but i saw someone talking about how some of y’all act like being weird is a choice and like. YEAHHHHHHH.
that’s fine, it might be for you. but i just live like this and don’t know any other way. like yeah i’ve worked customer service, i can do innocuous small talk, but anything beyond that, i don’t understand what i’m missing. and it’s frustrating to see the tonal disconnect especially from people who are like “uwu embrace weirdness!!” where they’re like. dressing quirky and talking about bugs and listening to obscure music and eschewing small talk to ask Deep Questions on the first date and unlearning their tendency to not infodump. and generally have an idea of what Weirdness is supposed to look like. idk man some of us wake up and get out of bed and can’t figure out why the rest of their coworkers chitchat with each other but when they join the conversation it dies.
weirdness is value neutral. let’s stop trying to turn it into a badge because quite frankly, it’s not a choice for everyone. it’s fucking exhausting to never be on the same wavelength as other people and they’re going to react the way they do and label you the way they will without any conscious actions on your end. it’s difficult to talk about this without feeling like you’ll be dismissed as immature, a teenager whining “no one understands me” but the thing is. sometimes you don’t grow out of feeling alone and different, and there’s no good way to talk about it without feeling like people will think you’re just fishing for pity.
#most of it is stuff i can’t help like!!!#coworkers and i don’t share a lot of interests so i’m always like. yes i’ve heard of that show but haven’t seen it. no idk that band sorry#and they’ll like. talk shit abt other people who share my interests without realizing that i also like those things#so i just have to sit there and take it#i feel like i don’t have a lot in common with my friends even. a few shared interests but very different lives#in my experience the conscious choice has been to try to keep up with what’s popular but it’s just. not interesting to me#i got bored and forgot to finish s2 of stranger things and never picked it back up#even alt subcultures have gone kinda mainstream and i never quite slot in#let’s not even touch the gay culture ‘flags’ that are extremely online and unrelatablr#and the most frustrating thing. every time i try to talk about myself and my interests i feel people shutting down#one person i know. open mouth sighs in exasperation when i open my mouth#i don’t know why you’re making it my problem that we’re different#i know there is supposed to be a niche out there for everyone but some of that feels like#those niches are falling prey to marketability. if you’re too far out of the mainstream. too out of touch. it can’t be helped#a lot of messaging online is like. embrace weirdness but only if it’s subversive in a very specific way#too normal to hang out with self-proclaimed proud weirdos. too weird to hang out with normies#like i thought the thing was to disavow performativity. i’m sorry i don’t find the same things interesting#i don’t care about the office and you don’t care about the hundred years’ war. that’s fine. why is that seen as a personal fault of mine#i feel like some of the reaction i get might be bc it comes across as hipster shit. idk#i’m literally just oblivious and looking for any kind of indicator for social interaction#but so often it feels like the onus of finding common ground is on me. i have to listen abt things idk but no one cares what i have to say#i think what makes it more frustrating is this reaction from people who claim to not care. do their own thing#and then get annoyed when i do mine and it’s. different#instead of being like ‘fuck the mainstream! conformity is bullshit! be yourself!’ it’s like#‘fuck the mainstream because it doesn’t appeal to me personally and i’ve made my own club!’#and this is not going to come out right because i’m just at my limit and venting and don’t know how to say things the right way#so people don’t misunderstand me#i just happen to never like the Right Things and know the Right Things and act the Right Way and idk how else to say it other than#can we be more normal about weird people#idk it’s hard to talk abt this without sounding like i’m just complaining but i’m more bewildered and trying to state things as i see them
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cringefaecompilation · 23 hours ago
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this post got 33 notes which is 30 more notes than i thought it would get so here's the "complaining about ludinus" portion of it to pair with the "complaining about essek" portion
i get what matt was trying to do and say. that it'd be meaningless to go after him now. that he doesn't have to be full of vengeance anymore and can actually heal. but it doesn't erase what he did and what matt spent like 80 episodes showing to us.
why bother giving us elder abbadinna, which inadvertently explains that HE'S the problem and not questioning the gods? why have ashton and laudna and chet and orym and imogen all tell him that they've been so so much crap and not once did it make them wizard nazis? why have him collaborate with a group of people who are tyrant godkings that want to colonize exandria and show him abusing his fucking girlfriend just to go back and say "well actually ludinus was just sad and broken and needed therapy".
and yes ludinus is going down in history despised and hated by everyone and quite literally can never go anywhere again because he will get jumped which is "punishment" i guess and maybe c4 will open in the shattered teeth and someone will mention him passing peacefully in his sleep or getting killed in a home invasion by someone that had no idea who he was for the irony but even that would be too little too late. you said all you wanted ludinus to be punchable so what is the POINT
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i didn't want to annoy op with my ramblings about this in the tags but i think this explains (asides from my other post on it) why the "ludinus gets to have a redemption because everyone deserves to be happy" ending feels bad as well as why the brushing off essek's actions as him being a "hotboi war criminal tee hee!" both in-universe and in fandom also sucks. i'm not saying you're a privileged dumbass if you like redemption arcs or that carceral punishment is totally justified or mandatory once you've killed xyz number of people, but like... i think this is important to keep in mind when discussing this sort of thing
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californiaquail · 18 days ago
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well boss said reese has no indication of any uti or crystals only a tiny amount of red blood cells which can be caused by the manual expression. coworker insisted there was no point in taking rads to see if he's blocked from the string so going to try some laxaire and hope 😬🤞🏻also then my boss gave me a ride to the bus stop so i didn't have to carry the huge crate which was uncharacteristically nice of him 🤨
#already plotting in my head how trying to get him into emergency surgery on the weekend would go and its not great#on account of the fact that i simply do not have enough thousands of dollars for the er proper. or a way to get there but i could probably#figure that one out but not so much the money#he had a god awful time he had to see a d*g and that was horrible he hissed at it (chihuahua less than 1/3 his size)#he was SO scared i feel horrible and i almost cried a lot of times just from looking at him 😭#anyway i'm glad we did a ua though that does help some of my anxiety but now the problem is the string#it probably had a big knot in it so i'm not totally convinced it would even be able to exit the stomach but if it did thats terrifying#i don't think it was super long just the big knot#coworker also insisted strings cant cause blockages only intussuseptions which does not sound right to me particularly if it was a bulky#but not long string such as this one. but what do i m#*know#i'm still really stressed and we have to move tomorrow ugh#i forgot to grab the laxaire at the clinic so i'm going to have to go out and get some but i have to go drop off a goodwill bag anyway#ugh also while my coworker was trying to get pee from him she said “if you bite me i'll smack you in the face i dont care if your moms here”#and i didnt say anything but if she had done that i think i would have lost my mind. what the fuck is wrong with you#she is like that with all of the animals and it drives me insane or like she'll brag about how her rottweiler lifted his lip at her so she#beat him and stepped on his head (???) like some would accurately identify this as animal abuse and yet youre a vet tech???#like these animals are all having a horrible day why the fuck don't you have two seconds of patience instead of immediately going to#“oh you threatened to bite me let me force you into tonic immobility”. again what the fuck is wrong with you#same woman who justified hitting kids in the face btw. of course#my boss is actually much nicer to them for the most part than she is he's just a total douche to people (me) its weird#like i just think you should not have made your lifes work being a vet tech if you think its cool and fine to smack dogs and cats around for#not immediately doing what you want or for expressing discomfort or fear#and they are almost all fear reactive i think there have been maybe two cats that i would describe as aggressive and not just fear reactive#and i'm probably wrong honestly! theres always a reason#anyway. please everyone pray or vibe or whatever that my cat doesnt get his guts tied in knots because i dont have $10000 and his insurance#doesn't kick in for two weeks i think (i got it last night in a panic having intended to do it months ago but thought he had to have a vet#relationship in order to get it)#i'm still really scared lol. god bless#me
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loverboybrightsideghost · 2 months ago
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fuck i really am a perfectionist FUCK
#i’ll just be sitting there thinking some shit like i wish i could find the Ideal Way to do Everything surely it can’t be that hard surely if#i just keep trying different things different self-imposed systems surely i’ll find one that will get me to do everything- ah lads#AH LADS NOT AGAIN!!!!#good that i’ve started noticing though#before i’d just have the thought#now i can actually realize when i have a thought that boils down to ‘if i try hard enough i can become perfect’#coughs. coughs very discreetly and awkwardly.#i will still keep trying to be the best person best musician i can but. how do i separate that from perfectionism? how do I JUST GO HOW DO#JUST LIVE?#computer search how to become a perfect being. i mean computer search how to become able to function on command#rather than forcing myself to do things#even if it’s. IM GONNA FUCKING SCREAM this is just like when i yelled at my friend in the practice rooms#i love her and we have good conversations but i think there we reached a point where we really couldn’t help each other anymore#not like in GENERAL just in that. i have my problems and I FUCKING KNOW what they are but. i don’t know! it’s just not art fucking easy!#why is it not fucking easy it should be fucking easy! why am i scared of everything!#is everyone scared of everything??????#I NEED A THERAPIST MOMENT NUMBER FIVE THOUSAND#i might not even need a therapist though maybe i’m just fucking growing up#BUT I’D LIKE TO NOT HAVE AN UNDERCURRENT OF FEAR ON ALMOST EVERY TIME#not every time i’ve gotten better but it creeps back like the water and im like oh you and then i#can’t pull the stopper why can’t i pull the FUCKIN stopper it’s right there it’d be so easy and#nothing repels me except something mysterious some the water the water repels me#just by being there the water will not harm me it will not affect me in any way and i know this and i fear the water#should i write a fuckin poem. lmfao.
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insipid-drivel · 2 months ago
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"Biz, what would you like for your birthday this year?"
"For nobody to misgender me for a day."
Turned out too much to ask (:
#tw: transphobia#tw: misgendering#literally every person i had to talk to today misgendered me#my mom kept misgendering me over and over again even in trying to correct people#“HER pronouns are they/them” i'm going to eat the fucking sun and shit#every doctor and nurse i spoke to kept calling me she/her#“IT'S FUCKING THEY/THEM I AM NOT A GIRL"#everyone reacts like i'm some special snowflake bedwetter that can't take misgendering#when the reality is that i have never gone a single day in my LIFE where i haven't been misgendered#oh and my doctor's office was too narrow for my wheelchair which was humiliating#and i had to spend 3 hours trying to explain to mom in a way that actually made a difference WHY it matters to not misgender me#and finally it clicked at hour 3 with “YOU'RE DESCRIBING TO STRANGERS WHAT MY FUCKING GENITALS LOOK LIKE AND IT FREAKS ME OUT”#“i hadn't thought about it that way”#oh and my doctor rolled her eyes at seeing a 32 year old in a wheelchair like i was malingering in a $5k chair#and demanded to know why i use it when it wasn't relevant to my visit AT ALL#my younger and older siblings BOTH treated me like shit for my gender identity so i wound up agender#because jesus fucking christ how insecure are you fucking cunts that you can't stand NOT being the only son/daughter to our mom#so i chose to be nothing!!! and they STILL won't fucking just live and let live#everybody's gotta hate biz for fucking something and that includes gender#*biz unsubscribes from gender* “hey >:(”#i hate my life#this was literally the worst birthday in my fucking life#had to starve myself of sleep to get up at 6am to drive 4 hours to a 20 minute appointment#misgendered 100% of the time while i couldn't get my wheelchair into any exam room because the doors were too narrow#questioned for needing a wheelchair. looked at like a child for being trans. clueless mom that wouldn't back me up.#and siblings that hate me because my mom genuinely likes my company more and it's because the two of them are so selfish#they won't bother to treat our mom with basic respect or interest in her as a human being outside of a mother when i do#but THEY can't be the problem. it has to be something MY fault
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toytulini · 4 months ago
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"why are people mad about AI being pushed on them when they SHOULD be mad about all the privacy erosion??"
1) plenty of us bitches are mad and annoyed about both, actually.
2) the privacy erosion has become the normalized state of existence for the average person for the last 10 fucking years at least, its snuck in, they disguise it as Convenient Features to Help You Shop Better, and thats IF they bother telling you theyre doing it, instead of just opting all your shit in without asking, its so fucking normalized that yeah, a lot of people do not bother to question it, they just sigh in resignation and go, yeah, i guess, do i even have other options? and they do, but theyre an investment of learning and time you dont have capacity for at the moment, or maybe you do but you feel like you dont bc it feels like a bigger hurdle than it is, and computer stuff is already kind of intimidating, cos man, what if you hit the wrong thing and brick your expensive ass machine? easier to just let it data harvest, you guess, it cant be THAT bad, can it? plenty of people live like this, put up with this, seek this out, its easier not to resist the privacy erosion. fucking whatever, i guess. yeah, i guess twitter i mean X, or walmart, or facebook, can just have all of my contact info and my phone number and my birthday and phone contacts and bank information and fuck it, give them my ssn while im at it. less effort later. this is just how tech has been for the last 10 yrs. no one can effectively get rage clicks on this topic anymore bc we all fucking know. it sucks and we know. what do you want me to fucking do about it? i have other shit to deal with more urgently. etc
3)
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you cant turn anything on or log onto anything or go anywhere without hearing about whatever new shit theyre throwing AI at for no real reason, no one will fucking Shut Up about AI, and its Annoying, man
#toy txt post#toy pic post#image id in alt text#im so fucking Tired of hearing about it and in applications that make no sense cos they made the thing and are now trying to justify its#existence and cost instead of like. creating it to actually meet a need.#im annoyed at both of these things everytime i turn on the god damn computer#i keep getting texts about upgrading my phone to get one of the new AI models. man. i dont want that#i dont want it bc theyre as invasive as ever and the ai shit is stupid and i dont want it#AND YES. THERE ARE GOOD AND USEFUL AND DECENT APPLICATIONS AND USES FOR AI. I KNOW. ITS NOT ALL BAD#BUT MOST OF THE FUCKING CHATTER ABOUT IT IS ANNOYING AND THE INTERNET IS AS FILLED AS EVER WITH MEANINGLESS BULLSHIT#WHETHER IT BE AI GENERATED OR JUST TALKING ABOUT THEIR NEW BULLSHIT GENERATOR 3000. PLEASE DOWNLOAD#TO JUSTIFY THE VENTURE CAPITAL#man ppl are tired of it all. we want to opt out of it all#and some dont even want to bother.#and then theres ppl like my mom who no. i cant convince her the privacy erosion is a problem bc on an individual level she doesnt care#but i could convince her hopefully to be wary of 'answers' from ai and that they generate slop and if anyone asks you for money for ai shit#lmao Dont. okay#and at this point ill take that as a wij#win#and honestly the privacy erosion at this point. needs. legislative shit. legislative shit that isnt just 'oh the companies were data#harvesting teens? well if the companies stop giving that info to advertisers and instead give it to Their Parents. and also give them full#control of their accounts and everything the kids see. well that fixes it. no. god#its a big stupid messy problem that is gonna suck to fix and so far anyone who talks about fixing it on a mass scale is a fucking hack#who is fear mongering to exert more control over kids man it all sucks so bad. and it sucks more cos it doesnt Have To#it Could be good! computers could be good again. the answer is not necessarily everyone download linux bc thats not going to happen#maybe more ppl should and that would be good for us. yes. like idk teach it in school or some shit. but that cant be the only thing you do#windows and Microsoft and apple should not be retroactively fucking up the products they have monopolized into everyones homes & businesses#they should not be ABLE to do this. idkeverything sucks and is stupid and that sucks and is stupid and you all are complaining about dumb#rubes getting mad at the wrong thing and falling for ai fear mongering instead of being like. why are the bitches who are turning every god#damn computer into inherent spyware also shotgunning money into ai amd articles hyping up about ai
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thedevotionaltour · 5 months ago
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i havent even read enough gl to justify the feelings and emotions i have about kyle i just have the lovers heart and also something wrong with me. and my projection. in my mind he's just like me. and he would have loved college vending machine frozen cheeseburger and heating it up in the microwave at 1 in the morning because he was bored and didn't want to work on a drawing assignment on 20" x 30" paper that was due tomorrow in his freshman year. he would have loved going to the club to push off finals work that's creating the worst stress known to man in his brain. and he would love to annoy the fuck out of his roommate when high and avoiding homework on a saturday.
#IN MY MIND HE'S JUST LIKE ME and i understand why he dropped out of art school also.#i need to get back to my readings but im too into thinking about the couple dozen issues i have read#and then going i wonder what he was like in college. and the answer is definitely fucking annoying.#if i knew him i know we would be not arguing in art history class. i would be saying his takes are stupid outside of class during break.#and he would go i dont know how somoene can defend british utilitarian furniture so vehemently and try to liken it to bauhaus design#our arguments would also stem from having very different art history and therefore philosophy education. his background would be from a pro#who would focus on european canon as per usual while my prof was coming from the perspective of someone with a phd in asian art history#and a curriculum based mostly around exploring and investigating non euro art work and how movements like modernism and#post modernism functioned in other continents.#this is such a main blog post but idont care. EVERYONE HAS TO KNOW HOW I PROJECT AND INTERACT WITH HIM IN MY MIND#he would also hate how i argue for art even i dont care about by approaching it at the philosophical angle.#'how do you like this it's barely even art. or it is art. but it's a boring cop out for suckers. honestly.'#'the thing is i dont like it. i just think you need to expand your world views and stop being close minded. youre limiting yourself.'#you might go eiffel what are you basing this on? the answer is vaguely remembered panels in my mind plus generally taste opinions of his i#can gleam from what art references they give him within issues.#it would also be funny bc like. he has a background in design... he's just stubborn and snobby i think when it then comes to the realm of#fine arts. i think his opinions and how they operate in regards to design + illustration + non gallery art are probably quite different#but i cant lie. from the singular 'i dont wanna be some loser who shows up with a blank canvas to a gallery' panel i remember someone talki#about in a post i have used it to create a variety of thoughts i think he could have had.#and the answer is the opinions of someone definitely a little annoying in art school. with a pretty standard traditional training#and background that stems from euo+american art history and sensibilities that inform how he interacts with art. which is very normal#but i think it's funny to view him as someone i would probably roll my eyes at for some comments he would be making.#and it gets funnier with how he acts generally as a person.#kyle you cant be this snobby when you are drawing pin ups of your work crush in your home studio...#good lord this got so long i have a problem. hi. sorry to my new follower your kyle posting made me go ha ha kyle. i like that guy.#static.soundz#back issues box#< it might as well go there bc i blabbed way too hard and too much. sorry. overtaken by an entity in my mind
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ajxrn-archive · 7 months ago
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I’m going to. rip my fucking hair out.
#Why why why can’t I enjoy anything ever like it’s so draining I can’t even explain it#Everything makes me anxious and I really REALLY don’t think thats normal nor do I think it’s just general anxiety#I want. answers genuinely but no I can’t see help because of my mom. I probably won’t be able to find out what my fucking problem is until#I’m like. 18 or older#Well into my 20s even#Fuck. it’s like. would I even be able to afford a therapist.#especially if I got disowned/kicked out#I keep trying to convince my mom to get me help/try to get me a diagnosis#and she just doesn’t want to fucking. help me. it’s not even a money thing it’s the fact she DOESNT GIVE A FUCK about her child’s mental#problems and health. Besides if I got diagnosed with like. adhd like everyone says I have (I think it could be that or something deeper) it#would literally end in her getting MORE FUCKING MONEY like our homeschool funds thing would give us more money for like#disability or whatever. if it were adhd. I forget.#I’m trying to use that to convince her and she just doesn’t listen#but honestly it’s like. what’s the point. I know I would feel better if I had a diagnosis because I would know the actual cause of my issue#and would easily find ways to combat it and help myself instead of listening to everyone say I have adhd without a diagnosis and go by that#Because everything I do to try and help with adhd doesn’t fucking work with my deeper mental issues.#And to be really honest I think it’s a personality disorder and I’ve done my own research and I show majority of BPD symptoms#And it’s commonly mistook for adhd. But I would NEVER express that to my mom because she would twist it into me being abusive and awful#again like. fuck even if I can’t get medicated I know I would feel so. so much better about myself knowing WHY I’m like this#Instead of living my life questioning what the fuck is wrong with me#I’m so sick of being different#if you read this. why would u put urself through that.
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fragglerockopinions · 7 months ago
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#Howwwww is it 5am already I want to go home#I begged my parents and sibling to let me go home to my own bed and they wouldn't let me#I don't want to be the solution to our family problems I want to go be alone and not here#I understand me being around more would make our parents nicer and give my siblings someome sane to talk to#But I want to die and I don't want to be here and I don't care about any of these people#Once again them forcing me to go to their house made me miss an assignment. So that class is genuinely failed now.#It makes me so frustrated I could cry. Every time I say I'm doing school work#Or say I can't drop everything and drive forty minutes to their house. they laugh at me#They genuinely laugh and say I'm such a liar and I'm faking and there's no way I ever do any school work#I'm actually shaking I'm so frustrated they don't understand. That's how long it takes me.#Why can't they just realize I'm a dumbass fucking idiot. I'm so fucking stupid#I'm literally so stupid. Intellectually I'm a fucking idiot and I am so useless and slow.#Stop trying to believe I have potential to fucking waste#The fact is there is no potential but I'm fucking wasting anyway#I'm so. Dumb. When I say I'm doing school work I mean I looked at the tab and got nervous about how overdue#everything is and how I'm failing and everyone wants me to leave my safety for their own inane bullshit#I wouldn't be failing this class at all if I had been able to complete the first week on time#instead of like. sitting outside a convention center alone and in agony for Five (5) hours.#Kudos to the devil for creating the exact perfect circumstances to kill me in particular#I should reach out and go to a friend's house and it would be good for me. But.#There's no way I'm going to see or speak to anyone in this state of everything#Everyone else around me seems to have improved in mental health I'm not going to ruin that by making them let me come over#No one really believes any of the problems I have like even I don't. how are you that stupid. just stop having these problems.#I can't go to a friend's house when I have problems like this. Last time I had a breakdown and scared the fucking host and#their partner had to be the one to comfort me because I was crying too loud for autistic ears :(#I can't do that to anyone again#I'm not kidding when I say I'm a huge burden genuinely I exist to be upsetting and inconvenient and frustrating#I am literally the most selfish person to ever have existed. Just objectively. I don't care about anyone or anything at all.#I don't love my friends or my family and I don't care about what they want or need. truthfully.#I just want to sit in my tiny room where nothing changes and no one expects me to drive anywhere holy fucking shit it's 6am
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