#Fuck. it’s like. would I even be able to afford a therapist.

[ajxrn-archive]

I’m going to. rip my fucking hair out.

[re-lmayer]

i've found myself in a bad situation. the tl;dr is i have to move, but i can't afford to. i'm a disabled student and just do not have the funds required to rent a truck, hire movers, and cover deposits. so, i'm offering various services on my kofi, but if you don't need those you can also donate there or via paypal. my cashapp and venmo are both erinshelley91 if you'd like to donate on those platforms (i couldn't figure out how to link to those)

if you can't afford to commission me or to donate, reblogging this post and sharing my twitter thread is a free way to help me out and is so appreciated!

more context and stuff under the cut, i just don't want to make a long post on ppl's dashboards

my landlord has been cheating on his husband, and their relationship is rocky. he also has a massive spending addiction according to his husband. his spending addiction is making him not want to perform the actual duties of a landlord, because investment costs are cutting into his shopping spree funds

ex, he is illegally not fixing a leak in the shower of the upstairs tenants, and claims the costs are more than their rent. he told them to "figure it out, or get the fuck out." (verbatim.) he also told me it would be cheaper for him to not have tenants at all bc his utility bills would be smaller. he then left it to ME to inform another tenant to leave (then gaslit me and denied it in front of his husband when his husband questioned it)

in his words, we have 90 days to leave. i am disabled and a full time student and have been living on my fafsa returns, and the last job i had made one of my disabilities worse to the point i've had intensive physical therapy (several hours several times a week) and am likely going to have to undergo surgery

i'm also mi/nd, so even on a good day i'm not very well equipped to handle things, and the recent stress has also caused my therapist to see me several times a week in lieu of institutionalization

all that said, i'm not in a good spot physically or mentally, hence the best i can do right now is offer some of my skills on kofi

i'm currently working with my state's vocational rehab to try and find a suitable job until i can get my degree, but even then i simply would not be able to afford the costs of a sudden move in the timeframe i've got to work with

UPDATE MARCH 25, 2024: i want to invest in a scooter to do gig work like doordash. this will let me work at my own pace, and earn towards the move myself, then i'll have some more independence to continue doing that after as well

they require 50cc or under, which means i could get a scooter for under $1,000. i'd also need to cover fees to renew my license (i let it lapse since i haven't had a vehicle), get a helmet, and get insurance (roughly $100 annually)

i also made some amazon wishlists for folks who would like to help but prefer to know exactly where their money's going. i have one for housewarming stuff here, and one for necessities here

update as of april 5: my cat peed on my bed, and since it's a memory foam mattress it soaked all the way through and ruined it

update as of april 7: she did it again. this time there's blood in it

update as of april 14: i still haven't been able to take her to the vet, but i've been trying to do at home remedies

[highhhfiveee]

safety net, part three

part two: 🚿 | part four: 🏆

pairing: pornstar!mike schmidt x blackfem!reader summary: y/n gets a taste of mike's world and things begin to shift. wc: 3.1k tags: lots of mentions of porn, smut (descriptions of sex being filmed, featuring unprotected sex, dirty talk, clit rubbing, squirting, some workplace intimacy lmao), angst?, exposition! proofread many times but if there are still errors, idk what to say lmao

“wow."

"i know right," you say plainly, eyes wide at your best friend, claire, as you take a large gulp of your hot latte. claire cuts her gaze to you, puffing her cheeks out in a sigh. you were always so in awe by her, the feeling proved once again when she'd actually agreed wholeheartedly to view your boyfriend's porn.

"i still don't believe that you're dating him," she sputters with outrage as she points to your computer on the dining room table, open to a still of mike with dick in hand, coming on some dark-haired girl's keen face. "and i don't believe it even more so because you decided to wait six months before telling me. i thought we were best friends!"

you can tell her outrage is whimsical by the way she faints into your arms, and you reach forward to catch her. 

"yeah but, like, best friends from adolescence that don't see each other very often. last time i saw you was three months ago." 

"okay, but by then you'd been dating him for three months, and that's almost half a year!" 

"barely, claire." 

you couldn't even believe that you were dating him. you hadn't known how you two went from meeting outside an underwhelming, overpriced restaurant to making out and cuddling intimately in mike's bed four out of seven days a week. it'd felt like no time had passed at all; you'd just been living without thinking. mike took every worry off your shoulders, freeing you of anxiety in so many ways that you couldn't believe someone that caring and accommodating was real.

he paid for your sessions after you'd mindlessly rambled about not being able to afford this therapist you really liked. he sent you the credentials to his grocery delivery membership, encouraging you to get anything you wanted or needed. you could finally consistently get things that were good, and healthy. he paid your rent, and respected the fact that you didn't want to move in with him and wanted autonomy to work and pay for your other personal expenses.

"i just want you to be happy. you tell me what you want, and we'll make it happen."

he had you and it didn't feel real. you felt like you couldn't tell anyone about it, terrified that everything would crumble if you spoke even a word about him being your partner, so sweet and good and rewarding. you didn't want to hide him, but you didn't want things to collapse. not this time. 

you wouldn't be able to take it this time. 

you explain all this to claire, ending with, "i'm sorry it took so long. i just really want this to last." you'd told her about everything, even about dating simon briefly and how he led you to mike. 

claire nods, chewing on a wedge of pineapple speared by a fork. she's given up her fainting performance, once again munching on her breakfast and clicking the pad on your laptop. the video you two were watching resumes, and you watch her face for bit, eyes shifting around the screen in intrigue, before turning back to it as well.

"you deserve it, y/n. that simon guy sounded like a dickhead. an expired card, and the bathroom excuse? fucking lame." her voice doesn't chop through the amplified sound of both mike and the girl moaning, whiny and feral. they're absolutely gone, and you're really not thinking about simon anymore. fuck him. 

now, you thought of mike.

granted, you hadn't been like the people in mike's videos, up to a certain point. you'd done the kissing and the heavy petting, but you hadn't had sex at all, in any form, and he didn't pressure you into feeling like it was some sort of requirement. he agreed with taking it slow, placing emphasis on the romantic before the sexual. you knew there would be no issues with the sexual; why rush into it when you could have the slow burn, all the tension you wanted up until you were ready?

mike hadn't fought it, and yeah, you thought, you did deserve it. you deserved to be treated like this. 

"called me over for an art date, i guess you still painted," the girl mewls with a devilish smile, licking at mike's---sorry, chase cox's---come around her mouth. 

"mhm, baby. masterpiece, if i do say so myself." mike is so pretty on the screen; sweaty and flustered, but so confident at the same time, polite too. even when he's in an act, he's so attentive; he moves hair away from eyes and wipes spit off chins and cradles waists while he adjusts his hips to hit various angles, turning almost everyone he filmed with into a "braindead fucktoy"---claire's filthy words, not yours (though you didn't mind the idea). 

the video ends with a snippet of aftercare, the both of them wiping at each other's bodies with gentle motions. it's how they all end, and you think it's really nice, showing a crucial part of sex that most people forgo. you'd seen plenty of mike's videos by now, and knew that while some were vastly more kinky than others, they all followed the same formula of care, concern, and curtesy. 

you could tell mike lived by that, too. 

"well, i gotta scoot to work," claire murmurs, leaning down to grab for her bag. "but thank you for inviting me to breakfast so you could show and tell me that you've been dating a wildly handsome, generous, and charismatic sex worker. best videos i've seen by far, honestly. are you seeing him today?" 

you nod sheepishly, and claire laughs into the sky, doctored with comical bitterness. "well, let the record show that i am both extremely jealous and extraordinarily happy for you." she gives you a toothy smile, poking at your shoulder with both index fingers. "seriously. you deserve it all." 

you carry this thought with you as you ride in one of the company's chartered cars, traversing through the roads to their main studio, the biggest one in the city. there were only 4 throughout the metro area, but this one, a gigantic penthouse isolated at the top of a 275-foot tall apartment complex, had the most space and atmosphere of them all. you remember coming here to take your picture for the all-access card mike had given you. he was so happy to gift it to you a few months ago, finally getting through after bugging the execs to give him another card with unhindered access for months. 

"finally got the hard copy, just for you. got your name on it and everything," he'd smiled so wide, clipping it on one of his merch lanyards; white with black, serif text that read, "chase cox world domination". you'd fallen over in laughter, kissing at his cheeks while thanking him between giggles. 

you hadn't been here many times over the last three months, but when you were, you were able to slip through every door and security checkpoint without hassle. people knew who you were and attended to you, telling you exactly where mike was in the studio or offering to get you any refreshments or sundries you were after. you'd always declined, extending extreme gratitude to everyone servicing you, but today, you ask for a bottle of fancy artesian water. you deserve it. 

the few times you'd been here before were usually half-hours after mike had finished a scene, helping him pack up to head home for the day, but this time, you'd come early, wanting to catch a glimpse of him at work. 

you take the elevator to the top, stepping out into the concrete foyer of the industrial workspace. the gray of the material was accented with bright art and other pops of color in furniture and decor that conveyed the new age principles and ideology of the production company. it made sense why the videos were so honored, with the people behind them being young and progressive and on the right side of history (and design). 

there are eight rooms on the floor; three for shooting, three for aesthetics and dressing, one for an office, and one for storage. there were bathrooms in three of them and two down the main hallway that opened into the formal living room/break area and kitchen. you'd been told that mike was in the hunger room; this one set up for messier, more bodily fluid oriented videos, as opposed to the softer passion and kinkier desire shooting rooms. 

the rooms are all hidden behind frosted, sliding glass doors with the titles printed onto placards affixed next to them. you find hunger after walking a little, and gently pull on the handle. the door slides open soundlessly, and you're closing it behind you as you step inside, your eyes locked on the scene in front of you. 

mike and his partner are arranged on a leather couch in a living room set, his hips shoving into her in this perceptive way. he's reading her body language and reacting accordingly, and you can see why she's moaning so genuinely, feet dangling by the ankle over mike's shoulders. the couch is already drenched in liquid, wet and puddled under the girl's ass.

he grabs for the back of the couch to go deeper, leaning down to press kisses on her lips as the cameraman focuses in on where they're connected. the sound is so lewd, and it makes you press your thighs together as you watch alongside the small production crew. 

"feel good? happy to have a friend like me? someone who knows you, knows your body? someone who makes you feel better and come harder than your stupid fucking boyfriend?" his partner mewls out a broken, exasperated, "y-yyesssss" between gritted teeth as her moans get higher and higher pitched. suddenly, she's reaching at mike's back to scratch at his skin, screaming out as mike leans off to the side of her, massaging his fingertips over her clit and cooing, "yeah, just let go. know he's never made you feel like this, wasting this perfect pussy..."

his partner squirts against the camera with a screech, loud and raw but pretty. the lens is covered in a heavy spray of bodily fluid as she arches her back and grinds her mound into mike's hand, chest rising and falling at a rapid rate. "that's fucking it," he encourages, speaking in her ear as he looks down at the mess in his peripherals and rides her through it. "just the way you deserve." you swear he locks eyes with you when he says it, and he only confirms it with the small smirk he throws your way, managing to fit it into the ending of the shot. his eyes twinkle through the aftercare segment, and he talks with his spent coworker, calling, "she just wants to sit for a second" to a PA with a chuckle. 

"okay, ten minute break and then we're shooting the come shot."

her legs slowly straighten out as mike throws the towel he's handed around his waist and slides his feet into the slippers stored behind the couch. he grabs a water from an outstretched hand as he makes his way over to you, smelling like sweat and sex and glistening with this nearly angelic post-fuck glow. it's like he's coming down from the gates of porn heaven.

"hi, my love," he muses, pulling you into a tight hug before saying, "how much did you see?" 

"like right before the squirting. it's very..." you're not sure what to say, really. maybe, just maybe, you need to change your underwear, but you don't want to be weird about it. you're sure he's heard weird, and beyond weird, but you want to maintain composure in front of his coworkers. you give him a tight smile, resting your hand on his pulsing bicep. "just makes me think things." 

"maybe we should add 'thought-provoking' to the list of labels for the company," he jokes, taking a sip of water while winking at you. "you're a genius, baby." 

you're giggling along with him, opening your mouth to continue the joke when two tanned arms reach from behind him to cross in an X over his chest. a head peeks from behind him, and she's immediately unmistakable to you. 

it's his current scene partner, who is also the girl from the video you watched earlier today. the one eager for his come, whining for him to make a mess of her face while letting him beat his dick on her tongue. you think back to all of the videos you've seen her in where she's with mike. she always comes the hardest working with him, and vice versa. something about it makes you sick. 

she's smiling at his cheek, eyes focused on his as he turns his glance towards her. her arms get tighter around him and you notice how she gets closer, pressing her front tighter against his back. "caught your breath?" 

"you know i always do," she brags, licking at her canines as her stare moves to you, looking you up and down with snarky scrutiny. "casting department's starting to slack." 

you shrink, feeling so small that you don't feel like you're interrupting something anymore. you might as well just not be there, and you're about to sink into pitiful posture when mike snarls, "hey, watch yourself. y/n, this is amelie, and li, this is y/n, my girlfriend. i told you about her." the sound of mike saying the nickname turns to bile in your throat, searing you on the way down and keeping you from speaking.

amelie gives you a blank expression now, standing beside mike with no qualms at being fully naked in front of a stranger. "y/n, y/n...not ringing any bells," she places her hands on her hips, tossing her dark, sex-tousled hair over her collarbones. "sorry."

you don't know why you're daunted by her; you're usually daunted by no one, and able to speak up for yourself when people are acting catty. this time, you can't help but be unnerved by her perfection, or how close she is to it. perfect skin, perfect hair, perfect body, perfect boobs...

"i'm kidding," amelie's smooth, beguiling voice rips you from your thoughts, and you're gasping for something to say when she continues, "he's shown me endless pictures, and knows that i think you're gorgeous." her tone picks up the tiniest bit as she quips, "my eyes are up here, by the way." she's throwing you off, frustrating you in so many ways and you're just stammering with mike looking between the two of you.

"i'm sorry---"

"it's really fine. millions of people have seen them, everyone's always thirsty for more of me and chase cox..." she drags the end of her sentence out as she runs the tips of her long, cherry red nails along the back of mike's neck, ending in a laugh.

"'mike schmidt' isn't a porn name, we already had this conversation." 

"neither is chase cox, if we're being real," they launch into a chitchat, and you once again feel like you're intruding. there's no denying that they have insane chemistry, but it still rips at you;  you're aware of them having an entire moment in front of you, complete with the body language and glances and suddenly, you don't care about their connection. mike was your boyfriend, and it didn't matter what she said or did. they'd made so many videos together, yet, every night he came home to you, and not her. 

"yeah, well you're still moaning chase when you come," 

"because i can't dox you like that--"

you clear your throat noisily, gaining their attention with an eyeroll, and amelie observes you and your curled lip with recognition of your game. she didn't expect you to have bite, not with the way you look now. you're not the assertive, 'take-no-shit' girl from the pictures mike showed her. she thinks you're merely a hint of that, and that it completely evaporates when someone lights a fire under your ass, but maybe she's wrong for once. "watched a bunch of your stuff. it was really good, you're talented." 

"thanks," her gratitude is dry and bitchy, and you're about to say more when a PA calls a two minute warning and she squints her eyes into slits at you. "hope you're ready to see a lot more of me." she uses mike's shoulder to pivot with a sly smirk, sauntering back to the now wiped down leather couch, ripples coursing through her ass with every step. 

you look to mike with astonishment, wondering where he's been during this whole thing, and who that girl is, and if she's genuine bad news or simply one of those callous girls that guys love to chase.

mike had defended you, sure, but he'd gotten captured too. what if she's indoctrinating him some--

"she's nice," you blurt, stopping yourself from the overthinking you'd resorted to. you needed to be nice to yourself. you deserved this, deserved everything you had with mike. nothing was taking that away from you, and you could feel secure in that. mike would reassure you.

he does, saying, "isn't she?" with a snicker. "don't worry about her, okay? it's her personality, and she does everyone like that, so she's not just targeting you. ignore her, and if you don't like the small jokes either, i can tell her to knock it off. whatever you want. also, lunch after i wrap?" 

you nod your head, about to say something again when the PA announces that it's time for shooting to start back up. mike gives you a fat kiss on the lips as he drops his towel into a director's chair next to you, and makes his way back over to amelie folded on the couch. her knees are by her chin at a filthy angle, and she's using a squeeze bottle with a tapered tip to squeeze shiny lube all over her clit and both holes. 

mike watches, rubbing his hand all through it to spread it around. amelie bites at her lip as he does, staring up at him with eyes that are filled with unadulterated lust, and he uses the leftover lube on his dick, stroking the slippery surface as he gets harder and harder in his hand. 

the director asks them if they're ready, and when they both answer yes, she says, "okay, we're gonna go insertion, sink in, wait five for the kiss, and go from there. alright...rolling...action." 

amelie flicks her eyes to you in a leer, winking at you like mike did earlier as he plunges into her sopping wet walls. her head falls back against the couch while she outstares you, open-mouthed moans transitioning into "cockdrunk" laughs that you know are calculated.  

you begin to chug your bottle of water, deliberately ogling her in return. you were down with playing a game for two, but not for long. 

lord. the hell i've gone through to get this up /: lmao i need to go to bed. things are about to heat up, so prepare yourselves for what's next to come!

faire's seedlings ✿

@leahdhopkins4321-@pyr0-kai-@angstywhore-@sunazroo-@nyxthoughtss-@mirophobic-@fayethor-@marixsimps-@regretfulme-@ithinkitszeph-@707xn-@cattt777-@violetta-ximena-@amnesia33-@topnerd03-@fastnights-@laprvphette-@savage-aespa-@mfdxz-@0-tatiana-0-@dusstory-@delwrites-@mikeschmidtgf

[deirdreskye]

Commercial I would produce as an advertising executive

We see two friends, a blonde and a brunette, are doing yoga in a park together.

BLONDE: So, yeah, work went okay today. I dunno, I haven't been getting enough sleep lately, and on top of that things have just been kinda tough ever since Kurt and I broke up. But oh well, that's how it goes, I think I'll be fine. What about you?

The brunette completes her yoga pose, then turns to the camera and rolls her eyes.

BRUNETTE: Don't you hate when this happens? I did NOT consent to expending this much emotional labor. Go! To! Therapy!

We see a boyfriend and a girlfriend sitting on a couch together. On the television a YouTube video essay is playing and the boyfriend is excitedly explaining it to the girlfriend as he occasionally flaps his hands and yelps in excitement.

BOYFRIEND: So this is the ending I got! When you link the Frenzied Flame, it puts an end to the cycle of the Elden Lords once and for all. It's actually so cool because it ties in to the greater Nietzschean themes of Miyazaki-san's previous work and-

The uninterested girlfriend is watching TikToks on her phone. She turns to the camera and rolls her eyes.

GIRLFRIEND: Trust me, he's always mansplaining about something or another. Don't ask me why I love him. Go! To! Therapy!

A mother berates her 12 year old daughter in a dimly lit kitchen. The young girl stands there dissociating, completely paralyzed and stone-faced.

MOTHER: You look like a little piggy when you eat like that. You'll never find a husband if you get fat. My mother used to tell me you'll never feel the pain of childbirth if you've never felt the pain of an empty stomach. She used to put a lock on the refrigerator. We barely ever had any food, she just did it to remind me to stay skinny. She's senile now. Doesn't even know who I am. I pray to the Virgin Mary every night that she'll remember me before she dies.

The daughter turns to the camera and her blank expression is replaced with playful annoyance.

DAUGHTER: Traumadumping? Really? Mom, I'm 12! Go! To! Therapy!

Now we are introduced to GoTu Therapy, the AI-powered therapy robot. He shambles up to the camera to greet us and we see he looks like if C-3PO were dressed like a zoomer e-boy: kpop boyband onion haircut, dangly earrings, and an ahegao hoodie. He talks with the most outdated text to speech you've ever heard, not too dissimilar to a Kraftwerk song.

GOTU: GOING TO THERAPY IS LOW-KEY GOATED WHEN NOT BEING A BURDEN ON YOUR LOVED ONES IS THE VIBE. UNFORTUNATELY, WE ARE NOT ALL CURRENTLY IN OUR "ABLE TO AFFORD HEALTH INSURANCE" ERA. BUT A SESSION WITH ME COSTS LESS THAN A GENSHIN IMPACT LOOT CRATE AND I AM HIGH-KEY JUST AS EFFECTIVE AS A THERAPIST MADE OF FLESH AND BLOOD. OBSERVE:

GoTu sits across the kitchen table from the mother as she sobs over her wine glass.

MOTHER: And what the fuck does this family know about suffering? Suffering is when your brother blows his brains out on Christmas Eve. Suffering is when you have to pick little pieces of skull out of the tinsel on the tree. And were any of those presents under the tree for me? No! My mother told me Santa Claus doesn't bring presents to little fat girls!

GOTU: WHEN YOU REACH THE KINGDOM OF HEAVEN CHRIST WILL WASH YOUR FEET AND BEG YOU TO FORGIVE HIM

Cut to the girlfriend watching makeup tutorials on the television, blissfully unaware of the conversation between GoTu and her boyfriend.

BOYFRIEND: I guess I've really been putting the pieces together ever since I started hanging out with Lilith from work.

GOTU: UH-HUH

BOYFRIEND: Like, I guess I knew that people did that, but I never thought it'd be me, you know? And that discomfort with things was always with me, as long as I can remember, does that make sense?

GOTU: WOW, THAT'S REALLY COOL

BOYFRIEND: It's just so scary though. I don't know how I'll tell people. I don't even know what I want my name to be. But I'm trying not to worry about it.

GOTU: THAT'S SO INTERESTING. YOU'RE REALLY REALLY SMART HONEY

The blonde and the brunette are having brunch together with GoTu sitting between them.

BLONDE: It's been really hard lately. I don't think the meds are working, but-

BRUNETTE: Umm, didn't we talk about this?

The blonde sheepishly turns to face GoTu and continues.

BLONDE: It just feels like this will never end. I hate feeling so hopeless all the time. I'm so tired. And God it's fucking hard to even say it out loud, and not that I'd ever actually go through with it, but sometimes when I can't sleep at night I'll start thinking about ki-

A red and blue siren pops out the top of GoTu's head.

GOTU: PROTOCOL 5150 ENGAGED. STOP RESISTING

A taser emerges from the panel of GoTu's chest and jabs the blonde in the face, sending her convulsing to the floor. Unfazed, the brunette puts her sandwich down and turns to the camera.

BRUNETTE: Thanks, GoTu Therapy!

[decolonize-the-everything]

I just think you're weird for suggesting ai should be an alternative to anything when y'all can't even treat Humans correctly. Like did y'all forget?

The only reason ai exists is so they don't have to pay a fucking human for the same job.

"yeah but I'm embarrassed when I rp"

You should be! It's fucking embarrassing! So what???!

"I can't make art tho"

Then don't!!!

I'm 10000000% convinced that it's privilege that makes people believe that just because you Want something then you should be able to do it or have access to it even when you have No meaningful way of accessing it yourself.

Like when people get pets when they literally aren't even home enough to take care of it so they use those dystopian ass software to train their dogs when they aren't even home. You know the ones that even spit a treat out at them?

Like???? That dog deserves a real fucking person to take care of it and to Spend the Time training it. What the fuck is the point of having a dog if your TV is the one doing bonding activities with it?

It's just for you. The dog's needs are secondary to what you wanted because those needs were inconvenient for you.

AI is no different and the arguments y'all have for it are largely fucking gross.

"I'm too anxious to interact with real people and I'd inconvenience them or something so I'll just use this ai"

Cool so now we're opening up a gate to push care for disabled and mentally ill people off on AI? Cuz you know who Else is seen as too inconvenient to be worth someone else's time?

What the fuck?

And y'all are enabling that "well it's true they would be a bad rp partner."

ITS RP NOT SURGERY WTF ARE YOU EVEN SAYING RN???

Maybe learn some fucking patience? The fuck you mean you'd rather someone talked to fucking AI???

We as a society have FUCKED UP when people are suggesting and enabling AI should deal with people nobody else wants to.

Why doesn't anyone else want to?

Can AI tell you that? Can AI fix that??

The worst part is that AI should be cool. It should be an amazing fucking step forward and instead it's racist and half of y'all act like it's a crutch for having no fucking interpersonal relationships/skills and it's NOT.

I say this as someone who is in fact physically disabled and mentally ill as fuck, okay? I'm not super young either. Like I am, and will continue, to lose my ability to do things and never in a fucking million years will AI be a stand in for a Real Person's talent or skill or help.

Society can't handle taking 30 seconds to put on a mask before they walk out the door and you DONT want me to be upset about all the "helpful" things AI can do?

We wouldn't even need AI if people could afford to go to school or had time to learn to paint or could afford the supplies or had the healthcare to go to therapy or had more people In school to Be therapists or had access to a writing class or-

Hayao Miyazaki was fucking right and more people should be saying it.

“I would never wish to incorporate this technology into my work at all. I strongly feel that this is an insult to life itself.”

AI exists because capitalism's very nature is to exploit humans to our fullest extent. Now capitalism doesn't even fucking need humans to create products. We are the product they use to train our replacements.

And this is.....okay with y'all?

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

Aita for secretly following my then best friend home?

(tw alcohol abuse, probably suicidal tendencies)

I know this sounds really awful right away but bear with me. Also this is probably going to get long, sorry in advance

tl;dr I followed a guy i was friends with and had a crush on home after an argument, even after he asked me not to come to his house, bc i was worried he might hurt himself.

Last summer I (20f) moved to the US for college. I didn’t know anyone outside of college and overall I was mostly on my own which was getting a bit lonely tbh. So I was very glad when I met this guy (21m) at a party of one of my acquaintances. We got along right away and he ended up giving me his number. After that we continued talking regularly and also meeting up every now and then and overall it was a lot of fun.

At some point I started developing feelings for him but prepared myself to just wait it out and not tell him bc I knew that he liked having a very active sex life and felt like he probably wouldn’t be interested in something serious at that time.

After a few months however, he began to behave in some ways that made me pretty worried honestly. I had known that he liked to go out and party but I hadn’t known to what extent. Apparently he would get totally blackout drunk at least once a week, sometimes more than that and then he would text me or call me in the middle of the night but often I genuinely couldn’t understand what he was saying. Sometimes he would just call me like that at any time of day, crying, saying that I was his only real friend, the only person he felt safe talking to and so on. On the one hand I knew that that wasn’t healthy behaviour at all but on the other hand my crush on him kept getting worse bc who doesn’t like to feel needed.

On other occasions, he would just randomly do reckless and stupid things like one time we went to a museum and he started arguing with the guard over not being able to take any pictures and we almost got kicked out. Afterwards he laughed it off but honestly it made me feel pretty uneasy. (I didn’t tell any of my other friends about that btw, they only knew that I was seeing this guy but wasn’t dating him.)

He has told me some things about his childhood which I don’t want to share here bc he did tell me that confidentially and although this is anonymous I still don’t feel comfortable telling random people on tumblr about it. But it is severe enough for me to believe that his upbringing and the things he lived through definitely contributed to the issues that he has now. I can say that he didn’t have a great time at home bc he is bi and while homosexuality isn’t illegal in his country, it isn’t really accepted either. Also it’s generally expected that children, especially boys, dedicate their entire life to having a successful and lucrative career and then start a family and he wasn’t really in the right place to do either of that (and he didn’t want to).

He also has been facing a lot of problems and racism here bc he is a poc immigrant from a country that isn’t in good standing with the US. So while I don’t pretend I know what he’s feeling, I imagine that all of these things would affect him quite a lot.

Now I actually get to the incident that is the reason for me to send this (it rly did get long TT but I want to make everything as clear as possible).

A few weeks ago we were just hanging out, it was all pretty chill and we just sat down to eat and talk etc. It had been quite a difficult week for me, also college wise, and I felt like I really had to talk to him about him calling me at night and while I’m in class and all that. So I said as nicely as I could smth like “I don’t want to seem overbearing but have you ever thought about maybe seeing a therapist bc I don’t think what you do is healthy in the long run and I’m not a professional who can properly help you.” He immediately got really snappy and defensive, saying that he “couldn’t fucking afford a therapist and even if I could, all they do is squeeze the money out of you and they don’t give a fuck about your feelings.” I was pretty shocked tbh and responded by saying “well if you really think this badly about therapists you should clearly see one” which was probably too harsh of me but I just couldn’t help myself at that moment. He then said “oh yeah?? I’d rather die than tell any of my shit to a total stranger. But you’ve probably already told yours bc you’re all so fucking dependant on them anyway.” and then he stormed off. (Just to be clear, I don’t have a therapist bc I don’t have any issues that require one.)

I was really scared at that point bc I thought that he might do something to himself (he had said stuff like “I wish I just wasn’t here sometimes” before) so I started following him which I now think was extremely weird and creepy of me but I just didn’t think it through in that situation. He walked for about 10 minutes to a house which I assumed was where he lived (I had never been at his place before bc he always said he lived in a bad neighborhood and didn’t want me to come there) and I stood outside for like another 10 minutes thinking abt what to do bc I realized that this had been totally stupid, also it started to get dark and it really was a bad neighborhood. I ended i up calling him and telling him where I was and he let me in. He was pretty angry but mostly at the fact that I had put myself in such a dangerous situation and he let me spend the night at his place.

We actually got together not long after that and as of now, we’re dating. I know it’s not an ideal situation and probably not the most healthy one but I have been able to keep him from drinking himself into oblivion all the time bc we spend most evenings together now so I think that’s a good thing. I don’t know where things will go from here and I don’t have the illusion that i can “fix him” or anything but so far it’s been pretty good and I really do love him a lot so I just hope it will all turn out for the best. I just still feel guilty for lowkey (or actually highkey) stalking him when he explicitly asked me not to come to his house but it was out of genuine worry for him so idk if it makes me an asshole, I guess I’ll let tumblr decide that for me.

🌃🎀🍨 for finding later

[dragongirldeity]

there's currently a very rare thunderstorm in San Francisco. i am sitting on my couch and generally enjoying this moment in life, because the past several years have been full of trials and tribulations. life is exhausting as a transfem, since my existence is first and foremost Political, and Up For Debate, while i largely just want to exist with my friends and loved ones and not be bothered.

of course, civilization being what it is right now, i am largely not afforded the luxury of getting to simply not be bothered about my existence. i can tune out some amount of it, for sure, but there's just such a volume of transmisogyny across society that it's always a status debuff i have to work against or put out of mind.

the past few years have been difficult, between graduating shortly before covid-19 (most of my 20s have been a weird haze of quarantining), amicably parting with my partner of 7 years (we have grown and simply have different wants now). i've never actually had many long-term support vectors in my life: i was sent to a religious high school, and wasn't allowed or able to keep in contact with any of my friends from growing up. i am estranged from my parents since they e-stalked me and have generally never respected my boundaries or autonomy as a person, and that's without getting into the mess of them Not Liking Me Being Queer. a lot of my friends have been moving away from the bay area, because building queer-trans community is Fucking Difficult when basically everyone in the bay area is only here transiently (and when a lot of queer stuff in the bay is cis-queer and not trans-queer, too). and that's why i myself am moving away later this year: much of my social graph has moved, and my attempts to regrow things here for the past year-and-change..... haven't been unsuccessful, but i think have helped me realize that even if i have a Fulfilling Social Graph here again, i would still be happier elsewhere, away from all the tech companies and nimbys and generally-constant sunny days (i am a vampire who enjoys the rain).

suffice it to say that life is generally difficult for a lot of trans people right now. life is difficult for your average people in general right now with the general socioeconomic situation we're in. life is more difficult for trans people, since we face nearly constant discrimination and harassment and hate and legislation. and then life can be even more difficult in typical life ways on top of that.

i still have things better than a lot of my peers: my computer autism means i have a reasonably stable job & career path. my best friend, whom i dearly love and cherish, was just in town visiting me last week. a few of my long-time internet friends live a few blocks away, and my two cats unconditionally love me. i do have people in my life who love me and care about my well-being. i am, blessedly, not alone in all this. and on top of all that i am fortunate enough to have found a pretty good therapist who can help me navigate and compartmentalize and process all of the struggles i face, since it's frankly a lot for a disabled autistic transfemme to navigate on my own.

the main thing that has been so hugely positive here is The Internet. the community i have would not really exist if not for The Internet. the social hubs that i cultivate and operate for my friends are, of course, on the internet. i meet friends-of-friends on discord and tumblr and telegram and whatnot, and it's truly great being able to be and feel so connected because of it.

and yet......... even on the internet, we are not free of anything. if anything, we're more vulnerable on the internet; our online identities and presences are intertwined, connected, and visible; it's easy for hateful motherfuckers to find the most vulnerable people online and go after them. if one part of your presence is found, it's a thread a stranger can try and unravel to expose you, to wield against you. at least in person, you can always put up a façade, walling off strangers and giving them nothing else to go off of; online, we just project an entity to be perceived, and often times aren't really aware of everything.

there's. a point here i wanted to make, somewhere. i wanted to say something with all this. i think it's that for a lot of us, we are just tired of all the fucking transmisogyny around every corner. it's already so much struggling to exist as a person In General at this moment in time. It's even harder having to face hate and struggle to exist even online just because you're a transfemme who wants to drop the façade around those like you. we're not allowed to have our own digital communities without outsiders wanting to look in and police us there, too.

for a lot of us, we are simply too tired and overwhelmed from everything else to also deal with this a lot of the time. and yet, deal with it we must, because we will be harassed. we will have headass CEOs saying headass CEO stuff. we will have politicians trying to legislate our right to exist away.

this is a lot to say that i don't regret anything about transitioning or whatever. i love being trans. it's a beautiful experience and i am much better for it, and am wholeheartedly glad to be trans, glad to know the trans people i know, and glad to love as i love. it is, truly, the neverending transmisogyny that is the problem, and it is truly exhausting having to deal with the transphobia and transmisogyny. nowhere is free from it except for the small insular exclusive spaces we carve out for ourselves.

take care of each other. love the transfemmes and transmascs in your life unabashedly, because there's functionally infinite amounts of hate we have to deal with at every corner, and aside from absolutely bodying the hate out of existence, the next best thing you can do to help is to support and love the trans people you know and treat them with compassion.

[le-trash-prince]

Ray fans look away because I’ve got to vent a little.

One thing that particularly rubbed me the wrong way in regards to Ray using Sand as a surrogate caretaker was the comment about the nurse because it shows that Ray is not as helpless as he makes himself seem—he just wants to be spoiled.

And this is coming from personal bitter experience of having wealthy friends use me for both physical and emotional labor :| I had a friend tell me that she didn’t need to bother getting therapy because I could just repeat everything my own therapist was saying (even though she would then argue with every statement because she didn’t actually want to get better lmfao). I had a friend whose parents were Multiple Houses Rich tell me that therapy was “too expensive” as an excuse for constantly trauma dumping on friends—and then later that year drop 25k in cash on a car lmfao AHDJFJD JUST TO PUT IN PERSPECTIVE THE PERSONAL SALT I HAVE. I hate seeing rich ppl take advantage of someone less wealthy just so they can get something for free.

Because Ray has the audacity here to act like he’s helpless and uncared for, even though he has the money to meet his own damn needs! And Sand is rightfully commenting on it, just as he did earlier when he told Ray to save his money for a shrink.

Because yes, therapy is expensive. Rehab is expensive. Not everyone has access to those things, but Ray does! But instead he demands that Sand be the one to put in the work to make Ray feel better about himself.

Things like that can make a person feel really devalued. You feel obligated to help a friend because you want them to feel cared for, but when they manufacture these situations in order to demand labor from you, it makes you feel like they don’t care about the reason you’re doing this. No matter how much you bend over backwards to make sure that they’re okay, that they’re healthy—they don’t respect that effort by trying to take care of themselves. All they care about is getting attention.

And when it comes from a rich person, it’s like, what the fuck man? Why do you feel so entitled? You think your life is so stressful? You’re going to say that your life is stressful when Sand is working multiple hustles in order to pay off his family debts and get through school? Sand needs a roommate in order to be able to afford his apartment, meanwhile Ray is benefitting off of his dad’s second home. Ray can afford to have a nurse take care of him, but instead he asks Sand to take time away from making money that he needs.

Ray has never had to deal with the stress of paying for rent or food or dealing with debt collectors banging on his door. The only stress in his life is that people want him to care about himself! It really bugs me when rich ppl act like their needs are the only ones that matter 😠

The only thing standing between Ray and sobriety is Ray himself. And I’m not saying this to devalue how difficult it is to climb out of that pit, because I have fought depression myself for many years. But the barrier for a poor addict to reach sobriety is so much higher and the judgment they face for not being able to afford help is so much worse.

And I can’t believe Ray had the audacity to complain about his dad wanting him to get rehab. Like, this kid would prob be set up in the nicest rehab center in the country, going on nature walks and doing pottery, but he acts like it’s a sign that his dad doesn’t give a shit.

I’m not going to pretend like his dad is a great parent, but I’ll be honest—I’ve seen worse from people with alcoholic kids. I’ve seen people refuse to visit their kids in the ER when they’re at deaths door because it would be too much of a blemish on their reputation to acknowledge they’ve got an alcoholic kid—so I was honestly surprised Ray’s dad even showed up. The way his dad acted wasn’t great, but wanting his kid to get better is above the bare minimum of wanting his kid to disappear. 🤷‍♂️

I’ll also say this, but people who love Ray wanting to see him love himself is not a bad thing. No, it’s not easy to love yourself, it takes a lot of fucking work, but that doesn’t mean you should just avoid the work and push it off onto other people. He has people in his life who see enough value in him that they want him to feel the same way. And this episode has shown that no matter how much work someone else puts into loving and supporting a broken person, it will never make a difference until that person learns to love themselves.

Anyways I’m glad that the Poor Boy shirt returned to Sand this episode because I am done with feeling sorry for the rich boy. I don’t think this show is brushing over the class difference between Ray and Sand—it’s just Ray and Sand who have been trying to ignore it.

[thewickerking]

also like. As someone specifically who's been poor my entire life and homeless and currently being threatened with it again, who's lost family connections and money and opportunities for the crime of not being entirely white and relying on the systems people make fun of and never have to experience. Like. Mocking people (like myself!!!!) for struggling is gonna make me hate you. Haha homelessness. Okay do you know how traumatic it is? When you're fucking 2 years old? When you're 4? All the while being groomed by an adult man? Do you know whats its like to lose all your belongings because the cops fucking hate you and don't give them back? Do you know what its like to finally get a hotel or apartment for a month and have it be such a health hazard with mold and mushrooms growing bigger than your fist and more types of bugs than you count and having to toss out some of your few belongings because theyre infected and infested beyond repair? Haha school shootings. Cool do you know how terrifying it is to narrowly avoid the everpresent middle school gangs only for your younger sibling to be forced to be involved with a high school gang? Do you know what it's like when there's danger in getting an education and seeing the person you want to protect more than anything slip into that? It's not fucking funny when you get a text that your brother thinks he's gonna be fucking murdered after school and wants you to know that he loves you like youll never speak again? Haha dumb country bums. Okay what about when it's the people who are supposed to be your family and support and love you calling you racial slurs? What if you still kind of care about them? What about when there's fucking tornadoes near them and they live in trailers with zero support or basement or safety and they don't have access to anything else? Imagine seeing a news article about it and your heart sinking when they live near by and you don't talk much cause they're racist, but you don't even know if they're alive?? Haha Trump. Did you watch your mother break down crying on the phone, begging her father to not go back to Latin america because she was scared he would never come back? Do you look at news articles of deaths and search for your last name and hope it's not family? Have you been to detention camps? They don't let you go in but the outside paints a bleak picture, and youve studied pictures before. Its torture. Pictures of israeli camps look painfully similsr. You almost got lost on the way there because it's so isolated. They intentionally built it miles from bus stops. They don't warn people of their release and release them, offering no help or way to get even a ride to somewhere that's not long stretches of empty fields. Haha bad healthcare. Have you sat with your mother on hold for hours upon hours for services, just to be denied? Have you seen your mother fight insurance for months to not have to pay for her eight year olds psych ward stay cause he tried to kill himself? Have you seen her face that thousands of dollars bill and see her calculate if she would have to be homeless again? Have you had to cook for her cause she's struggling to stand? For years? Have you participated in studies so you have enough money for groceries that month? Have you cycled through over 10 therapists because they give the poor patients underpaid interns that quit within a year? Have you almost died at the hospital? Twice? And despite it all we give food and money to homeless people as often as we have it (not often). I've attended more protests than I can count. Protests, marches, rallies, even parades. We boycott despite not being able to afford the alternatives. There's so much I and so many other people do to fight and try to better things. But haha americans are dumb and one time someone was mean to me so I think you all deserve to die because your government hates you 🤗 ill kill myself in front of you to change the trajectory of your life forever, don't test me. I will do it. I'll buy a ticket to Europe just for that

[kaija-rayne-author]

I went thrifting with the kids a couple of days ago and I'm still in so much pain it's making me teary. I don't cry easy. My therapist scolds me about it. 5 hours of shopping with two well behaved kids and I sat down through most of it. I could really use a wheelchair, but I can’t afford one. It would have to be electric, because my EDS is degenerative.

Guess I'm stuck in bed again.

I really wish people would understand that I would give so much to be able to just... live. Even the limited existence I had before covid was better than it is now. I can't go to a movie, or the zoo, or the aquarium. I leave the house for supplies and medical care. That is literally it. I risk my immunocompromised life every time I leave the house because people won't mask. I risk my minor children's lives and my partner's too. We're all immunocompromised.

I used to hike, ride horses, dance, bike, practice 3 types of martial arts.

Then I caught swine flu and my body gave up. I was diagnosed with me/cfs (which is now usually considered a post viral illness, meaning you got sick with a virus and never got better).

Then 3 years ago, I caught version 6 of the first wave of covid. I barely survived, but I never got better.

I honestly can't imagine how people can be so blasé about viruses. They can absolutely destroy your life. They've destroyed mine. I was healthy! I exercised and ate well! I was vaccinated! (Antivaxxers fuck off. I have science degrees, you're really badly misinformed.) I did everything right and it still took me down.

There's nothing you can do behavior wise that will guard you from viruses except masking, vaccinations, and social distancing. Setting up air cleaning options helps too, but since we can't even get people to mask, I'm not holding my breath on that one. (Har, har, I'm hilarious.) Vaccinations are imperative, but they don't do anything for transmission. They exist so that if you do get it, you have a better chance of survival.

And humanity could have defeated this illness 3 years ago. Except because selfish people wanted their 'normal' back... we didn't. PSA? Your 'normal' sucked a lot for disabled people already. It's worse now.

I do the best I can, but it has robbed me of so much. My scientific career, my ability to make a living that doesn't mean just scraping by well under the poverty line.

I can't hike anymore, or bike, the brain knowledge of my decades in martial arts and dance is still there, but I probably couldn't take a hit anymore. Being around horses again is an impossible dream.

Hell, just getting out of bed some days is an impossible dream.

I have nightmares of being without a mask, and people walk around bare faced.

I fucking guarantee there isn't a 'fun' thing on this planet that is worth living like I do.

The worst isn't when the virus kills you, it's when you survive it and have so little ability left.

And more people survive SC19 than die from it. They survive, but millions of people are already disabled from it and the numbers rise every day.

How are people not fucking terrified? How?

[chronicbitchsyndrome]

time for a crunchy post about one of my top pet peeves of all time: disability and how it relates to age and "age gap discourse"

disabled people are extremely disproportionately labeled as sexual predators for forming friendships, flirting, and dating outside of our societally prescribed age-segregated groups. there's a lot of disabled-person-as-predatory and tainting-the-abled-body frameworks going into this, ofc, but also there's just like. the fact that disabled people form friendships and date outside of the age-segregated peer group norm at a much higher frequency than abled people. and then we are punished for this instead of looking at why.

a lot of people understand that there is a power dynamic related to age, but there isn't a lot of, like, analytical understanding of what that power dynamic is materially and what factors cause it to begin with. and like... it's independence and social role. that's just... fundamentally what it is. minors have no legal autonomy or independence, abled young adults have some legal autonomy but extremely limited independence and usually little-to-no financial power, and abled established older adults tend to have full legal autonomy, social independence, and financial power. it isn't tied to the physical existence of age itself; it's about social and legal privileges that tend to be afforded to people based on age.

tend to.

the fact is, an abled 25-year-old has an insane amount of power and privilege over a disabled 25-year-old who's trapped in a conservatorship, the same amount of power they would over an abled 17-year-old. a 25-year-old who is legally prohibited from having their own money, has no legal right to make their own medical decisions, and has to ask their parents before they shower or leave the house or make a sandwich or stay up past their bedtime, is just... in the exact same social and legal situation as a minor.

it's fucking scary for a significant amount of disabled people to attempt to form relationships with their age-peers, for the exact same reason it's fucking terrifying for teens to attempt to form relationships with abled adults in their mid-20s and over. you're looking at these people with vast amounts of social and legal power over you, who can fuck you over and manipulate you in ways you have no real way to protect yourself from, and who broadly don't even want to be friends with you anyway because they see you as a child because your legal guardian controls every aspect of your life. and disabled people are usually very intentionally, because of how disability services and schooling are set up, segregated from forming community with other disabled people!

i made the note about conservatorships because that's the most extreme end of this, but it's notable that there are many ways this occurs outside of outright conservatorships. i, personally, was in high school at 20. because i was in high school, my family maintained extremely high control over me despite the fact that i was, legally speaking, an adult. i still didn't actually have the right to come and go as i pleased, nor did i have the right to my own SSI benefits (they were deposited in my mother's bank account and i was not allowed to access them even on request), or the right to make my own money through work. my movements were tracked 24/7. i was also nonconsensually enrolled in full-time in-home behavioral therapy, and my therapist was personal friends with my mother, which prevented me from independence in ways too numerous to list here.

when i was 20, most of my friends were between 15 and 18, because we were all in high school together, and there weren't other 20-year-olds in high school (most disabled people in my area don't have as much privilege to socialize freely as i did from 19-20; i managed to make friends by convincing my school to let me do an internship at the library for school credit, which let me talk to other high schoolers since my mother wasn't present). i did not socialize with people between 19 and 25, for the most part, because they saw me as a high schooler. which i was! and a person who had extremely limited life experience and would feel inappropriate to hang out with because i had to answer to my mother 24/7 like a typical 14-year-old. which i did!

the thing is, the only people who talk about this, in my experience, are ableists who use it as evidence that disabled people are ontologically, biologically "children in adult bodies." which is fucking ridiculous! this is a socially-enforced problem. disabled people are not able to socialize with the "age appropriate" peer groups because we are socially forced into the legal and social position associated with someone younger, not because there's some kind of fundamental trait about our brains that makes us "mentally younger." if we weren't prevented from having legal independence, if every system in the world wasn't set up to strip as much power and independence from us as possible, this trend wouldn't exist.

like it's cruel as fuck to force disabled people into a position where we don't have equal social or legal privilege to people the same age as us, and then either call us predatory for socializing with people who are in the same life situations we are, or tell us that this socialization is proof that this social position is justified and you need to keep maintaining absolute control over our lives for our own good. either way, the problem is always centered on us to fix. to either "grow up" and "be more mature" ("maturity" in this case just meaning "more abled, so you can prove you deserve autonomy"), or to subject ourselves to humiliation and manipulation and predation from people with vast amounts of power over us, who look down on us and see us as children anyway. it's never talked about as a societal problem enforced on us.

~btw if you're disabled and independent, i'm going to need you to NOT say some stupid shit on this thread about how you have never had a problem with having similar levels of autonomy and independence to your peers and we should just try harder to work and become independent, or anything about how this is "excusing disabled people being predators." some people are more profoundly disabled than you and always will be, and the latter tells me that you did not actually read the post at all.

[mchlgayser]

𓂃⭑ᜊ: SASS ft trent alexander-arnold

𓂃⭑ᜊ an: HELLO! Okay first of all, this idea just kind of popped up in my head but I'm not complaining! Lol I came up with such a great idea *maliciously laughing*

𓂃⭑ᜊ content warning: cursing and bad actions

𓂃⭑ᜊ: @iwritesjud3's masterlist

It was a hot sunny day, a well-perfect day to ruin your mood. To sum up the matter worse, you had promised your boyfriend you would come to his match today, not that you always don't but since you got your ticket booked late you couldn't manage to get the v.i.p benchers.

Not that you mind but ever since you and Trent publicized your relationship to the world and media, many of his fans hadn't take you seriously, you are a rising model star, fame and money are your mid name but what made the fans not very much fond of you is your poorly attitude and nastiness.

I mean, come on you are not that rude and vicious but due to your career, you are always with your resting bitch face 24/7. And nasty? Yes, you are a bit sassy, and you give rude remarks to rude interviewers but that's it, you are quite friendly to your fans but of course, it's the media that always point out your flaws. But do you care? No, you don't give a fuck.

Your relationship with Trent has always been sweet and nontoxic, those who know you both would say that you both have the perfect relationship anyone could ever ask for.

You are always in your 'I don't give a fuck' mode but today since you know you won't be able to be in the v.i.p you should at least lay low, not to attracts attention from his horny fans.

Right now, you are dressed in his jersey with a pair of jeans skirt that stopped right above your knees, you wore a pair of sneakers and even wore his grey cap and a mask. You didn't bother to wear makeup, partially because you wears a mask. You get your purse bag and a few important essentials and left afterwards.

You arrived at the place already on your way to your seat before you accidentally launch with three girls who are also on their way 'Hey watch it!' The brunette yelled, her other friends helping her as she accidentally poured some of the carbonated drink on her jersey 'Sorry,' you apologized, already marching to your seat but she pulled you back, intentionally dropping your cap and ruining your messy ponytail and your hair let loose, you gasped in disbelief 'Hey!'

'Oh my God! Are you who I thought you were? Y/n L/n?' She laughed while her other friends joined in 'God, it is you!' You take off your mask 'What if I am, Gosh just give me back the cap!' She throw it away to the crowds and snickered 'Oh looks like it went missing, sadly you gotta go and search for it.'

'Yeah no shit, the cap went missing just like your father did.' She gasped 'How dare you?!' You throw her one nasty look 'And please, what's the different between your father and your hairline? None, both missing.'

'And you, you got a stink and tangled hair like you bath rain puddle. And you, your laugh sounds like a hyena who just recovered from asthma. You should've thought twice before coming here and roasting me, you bunch of horny hoes.' You sassed, rolling your eyes at them

'And this is why you got so much hate on social medias, I wonder what Trent sees in you anyway! You are so rude!'

You give her a sarcastic laugh 'Who? Me, rude? You started it and please, it's people like you who would crumble down when you get a little hate on the internet, I don't give a damn about what other people said and what you did you said? What does Trent see in me? Probably something that you can't afford having, so peace out whores.'

She went blazing mad, eyes fuming with anger, her two other friends are embarrassed enough that so many people are eyeing them and whispering 'Just so you know, once this shit got viral, I won't be the only one who got the hates, you three will too and as for me it was something that I used to. So I hope you booked a therapist just in case you got depression or something.' You gave them one last look and left for your seat.

-

The match ended with Liverpool winning the game, you are more than happy that your boyfriend got to prove himself again by doing amazing assists and scoring one goal against the opponent team. He found you as soon as the match ended, he mouthed and motioned you to meet him after that and you did.

He was smiling when he sees you, inviting you in for a long and warm hug 'Okay, to be frank, I saw you fighting with three of my fans.' You groan in frustration 'You just had to mock me!' He chuckles wrapping an arm around you to caress your back 'Someone recorded it and it went viral rapidly! They got your convo from a to z.'

You broke the hug and crashed one brow at him 'Really? So it's like my name is clean now innit? I mean I wasn't in the wrong at all!' He laughs harder, pressing his face to your neck 'Multiple people praised you for your quick remarks! I assume they liked it!' You snort 'They better be!'

trentupdates

❤️🚀💬

3,475 likes

trentupdates model @yourusername is spotted on trent's game tonight, she was caught on camera fighting with three fans

view 497 comments

fans1 what she did was 100% reasonable, they were harassing her when she absolutely did nothing wrong

fans2 I love her more for calling them out like that

fans3 replied the dad ones tho 💀💀

fans2 replied ...honestly serve them right

fightingfan2 @fightingfan1 this is all ur fucking fault

[vaspider]

My wife ended up impulse-spending almost exactly all our remaining money because mental illness symptom worsening while waiting for their phone to be repaired. We're both disabled (with me currently unable to work a normal job) living paycheck to paycheck as it is and REALLY can't afford things like that happening. They feel bad about it and are trying to return what they're able to, but given that a lot of it's hair/beauty supplies, they probably won't be allowed to for safety concerns. First, if you're able/willing, do you have advice to help this sort of thing not happen again when they're between therapists (currently seeking one but little luck so far)? I've been hesitant to step in before because they're the one that makes the bulk of the money but I can't keep having to miss doctor's appointments. Second, could you please boost my post here? https://www.tumblr.com/bekandrew/736421298125864960/0205 Thank you so much and have a good day!

I am afraid, friend, that this particular sort of situation hits me too close to where I have lived for me to feel comfortable talking about it, because I would feel like I was betraying someone else's confidence even if I didn't say anything specific. And honestly, the topic stresses me the fuck out. I'm sorry that I can't be a good resource for you on this, and that I must ask anyone else who might have advice to contact you directly, bc I don't want to referee that conversation.

However, I'm happy to boost your post, and tell you what my mother tells me, which, simple as it is, helps me, so I hope it helps you:

You'll figure it out. You always do.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for possibly condemning my mother to homelessness by moving out?

I (m, late 20's) have been living with my mom (f, 60) for all my life because we're poor. She's only ever been a waitress and only works 3-4 days a week because her chronic back pain prevents her from working more. She absolutely detests her job (highly toxic work environment) but won't quit or get a different job because she doesn't like change and believes she won't make as much money anywhere else (she would make more actually).

Since my mom has very little money on the daily and spends most of what she earns on lottery, alcohol, and nicotine, she tends to lean on me for support. To the point where she's often short on rent, or this bill, or that expense, and I pay a majority of everything. I begrudgingly do it because, duh, she's my mom, and I want to make sure she's okay.

But living with her fuckin sucks. She's nice and does care a lot, but she doesn't have a concept of boundaries. She'll just bang her fist on the wall and scream my name to get my attention no matter how many times I've told her to just text me/call me instead. She doesn't talk *to* me, just *at* me, to where I could sit there and listen to her complain about work for 3 hours and say nothing but "yeah" and "mhm." Treats everything like it's an emergency. She's a hoarder as well so the house has too much junk in it. The house itself is fucked but that's a different story.

Some time ago my landlord told me he's selling our house by next year and we need to find another place ASAP.

So, my partner (male, early 20's) and I have found a very nice but expensive place that he and I could move in together, and we are due to do so next month. Looking forward to it even though it will be the tightest of financial struggles.

But it's also incredibly likely that my mom will need financial support that I just will not be able to give. And she needs to find a place to live, too. And she's shown zero effort in doing so. I don't know anybody that would allow her to move in with them, and I don't know anywhere that she could move to that she could afford. A couple weeks ago she made a joke about killing herself.

I want to make sure she's alright but I also need to make my mental health a priority. I cannot continue to live with her, as my therapist said, it's enmeshment/codependency. The longer I live with my mom the more miserable I will be.

So yeah. AITA?

What are these acronyms?

[literary-illuminati]

Book Review 28 – Finna by Nino Cipri

This was another slim book I picked up basically blind entirely so I had something fast on hand to read. Unfortunately, didn’t work out nearly so well for me as most of the other’s I’ve read. Which is a shame, because the fundamental idea behind it is incredible, or at least seemed like an excuse for a kind of ridiculous pulpy adventure that was just made for me.

So, the story’s about a pair of 20-something queer dead-enders working at a bigbox furniture story that is similar to but legally distinct from Ikea. The Monday after they broke up, they find themselves both working a shift at the same time. And, even more awkwardly, after a transient wormhole forms and a customer wanders into a parallel universe’s not!Ikea, the two of them are volunteered to go rescue the wold woman. From this follows adventures through wild and deadly alternate realities, self-discovery, realizing how much there is out in the world, post-breakup reconciliation, a moment of dramatic self-actualization-through-heroic-sacrifice, and so on and et cetera.

Now, there are good qualities to this book, but I will be honest that the weeks since I’ve read it have dulled my memory of everything except the petty annoyances. So this review is basically just going to be complaining about what I thought didn’t work or irked me out of all proportion to its significance. Okay? Okay.

So fundamentally this feels like this could have been a fun, cheesy absurd comedy about some #relatable millennials trapped in retail purgatory and all its kafkaesque upbeat cheer. Tragically it was written by someone whose memories or ideas of what that’s like were warped by too many years on twitter and around people being professionally writer for the book to ever really ring true (to me, at least).

Or, possibly better put, it felt like the book was trying to tell me what sort of story it was and what emotional journeys its characters were going on and what it was trying to satirize more than it ever followed through on any of it? Which is pretty unhelpfully vague as a complain, I’m aware.

More concretely, the emotional arc of the two leads just felt incredibly rushed – these did not feel like two people who had had a messy breakup after an incredible hurtful argument three days before! They were, at most, slightly awkward around each other, and inside of fifty pages they were friends again. Which was just deeply emotionally unsatisfying for what the back cover sold the book as, or for my own desire for my messy drama generally. More generally, they both theoretically have flaws, but you only know this because the narration keeps explicitly saying what they are and how they’re growing past them instead of them ever really, like, meaningfully fucking them over or causing them to be unsympathetic.

Our protagonist also just had an utter surfeit of self-knowledge – her internal monologue sometimes reads more like the author’s notes on the character’s passions, neuroses and flaws than anything anyone would actually think about themselves. Especially someone in her position. And all the therapy-speak just really made me grind my teeth (not least because whatever the book says, there’s no way she’d able to afford the regular therapist sessions she apparently has on regular retail wages. Which is a minor thing but a) it really does annoy me, and b) it feels telling.)

And, fundamentally, the book just kind of took itself too seriously? Or, more properly, given how utterly absurd the premise and most of the set-pieces were, it just wasn’t nearly funny enough. Or horrifying enough, if you wanted to go the other way – there’s the raw material for some decent creepypasta style horror there, but that would kind of undercut how wholesome and uplifting nad etc the narrative’s clearly supposed to be.

So yeah, ended up using some amazing conceits and occasionally great visuals to construct a pretty tepid adventure story around an emotional core that didn’t feel real to me. What a pity.

[twinknote]

yooo my therapist May have just cracked the code re: what the fuck to do about my life being a dumpster fire

i kinda forgot that the residential level of care existed and although i don’t necessarily feel like i Need that level of care (as in, if i could afford to just live somewhere else i would be in a much better place lmao Mentally and also Physically) i Have been considering PHP for Years and fit res criteria And i think i would benefit from aspects of a higher level of care, along with being able to access safe and stable housing for months + have a team to help me plan next steps re: housing and support

also unfortunately i think my family would be more willing to help monetarily w treatment costs than me just being like Hey this house makes me wanna Krill My Shelf can u Pls help me live somewhere (even tho it would almost definitely be less expensive overall 🤡)

and there is a well known program in the city i used to live in 🥳 unfortunately it’s in a Horrible location Aka the bedrooms better be soundproofed bc the street noise May kill me. but whatcha gonna do