#then it's not a good time for them or too far or they dont wanna actually go
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your yandere starscream snippet?? good lord... 🧎♀️🧎♀️as a fellow starscream simp I (and plenty of other followers) are willing to read more if u wanna expand on yandere starscream? (ignore or delete if u dont wanna :3)
[tfp] yandere!starscream x human!reader very incoherent and crack(ish) ramblings because I'm insane about this scrimblo
Imagine it’s four in the morning, and you suddenly wake up to get a drink of water. You lean over to grab the full glass on your nightstand, but you don’t even manage to touch the glass with your fingertips because you notice a pair of scarlet optics staring directly at you in the darkness. Oh, and they’re hovering right above your bed. The best part? This isn’t the first or last time this has happened, because he frequently breaks into your house at night just to look at you.
You’d better hope you sleep through his visit, because if you wake up and Starscream notices, you’ll be bombarded with a monologue about how you don’t pay him enough attention. How dare you bolt the doors against him?! You knew full well he would come to see you. And now, thanks to you, the door is ripped off its hinges, cold air is pouring into your house, and he absolutely detests the cold. So you’d better warm his majesty up—or he’ll shove himself under your blanket. Oh, and it’s only Tuesday, which means you’ve got at least ten more incidents like this to look forward to this week.
Since he enjoys breaking into your house—because it’s nice to have a place where no one takes out their frustrations on you with brute force, and where he’s at least somewhat welcome (or so he convinces himself)—he also loves to snatch a few “souvenirs” for himself. Especially when his obsession reaches its peak and he knows he won’t be able to see you for a while. Usually, it’s your clothes that he takes. They remind him of you when he desperately needs comfort.
He’ll nuzzle and cling to them, imagining he’s doing so with you, using them to stave off complete madness. The only downside of stealing clothes soaked in your scent is that the scent fades far too quickly, especially since Starscream often finds himself in rough patches. So you’ll soon notice your clothes disappearing at an alarming rate. Unfortunately, I’m afraid you’ll never get them back. Starscream will adamantly deny any knowledge of the theft and refuse to return the stolen items. By now, they’ve been so thoroughly abused that they’d never return to their original state of cleanliness anyway.
Without his obsession, Starscream is already demanding attention, but when you add a deranged and unhealthy love into the mix, his need for attention skyrockets. When you’re awake, and Starscream decides to visit you—which happens alarmingly often, especially during his self-imposed exile, he insists you keep your eyes on him at all times.
When you talk to him, you must look at him, listen carefully to what he has to say, and actively participate in the conversation. Otherwise, he becomes unbearable. You can’t walk away or leave him; you’re forced to engage. Any attempt to escape will result in manipulation—and if that doesn’t work, he’ll use force. How dare you use your phone in his presence? He’ll snatch it right out of your hands and force you into a conversation with him. Ignoring him despite his threats and insults? If you’re outside, he’ll pin you in place with his claws, forming a sort of cage, and continue his tirade as if nothing happened. If you’re indoors, he’ll trap you with his body instead.
The problem is that once physical contact occurs, Starscream has no intention of letting go.
He clings to you so desperately it’s almost disgusting. He constantly forces physical contact, whether it’s kissing, stroking, or demanding affection himself, often at the most unexpected times, like that miserable four in the morning. And since he’s nearly impossible to satisfy, these sessions can go on forever.
Hours spent stroking his helm and delivering monologues praising his majesty leave your wrist aching and your throat sore. And the next day? You can look forward to another session of the exact same thing.
He’s intensely possessive and jealous, ready to gouge out the eyes, or optics, of anyone who dares so much as glance at you. You can’t even mention your friends’ names in his presence. He’d be happiest if you stopped interacting with anyone else altogether, shrinking your circle of acquaintances down to just him. You don’t need anyone else, right?
After all, the only thing he needs to be happy is you and you alone.
He’s exhausting, demanding, and unafraid to use force to get what he wants from you, but you’ll never get rid of him, no matter how much you might want to. You can scream at him until your voice gives out, try to fortify your home against his intrusions, but Starscream isn’t going anywhere. He has no intention of giving up the only source of comfort in this vile and unjust world. He’ll fight for you at the cost of his sanity—or even his life.
#be silly#transformers x reader#starscream x reader#obsessed!starscream#yandere!starscream#yandere!transformers
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for like 3 weeks i was wondering why i was sleeping so much and felt listless. and just now I managed to email 3 people and responded to a month old message in the span of an hour because I got back to TAKING MY FUCKIN MEDS..........
#MOTHER FFFFUCKER#to be fair. my doc said I could stop taking them while im on break since i wouldnt need to be constantly pumped on stimulants#im not sure if it was a side effect but i managed to take like 3 different naps in one day and STILL managed to sleep thru the whole night#at least 2 days into my break. the weird thing is i didnt feel more or less rested afterwards. but mentally i think im in a good place rn#to really put the level of awakeness im at rn i feel weirdly confident i could start one piece. also bc of that sick new opening it BANGS#the song is really good and im in love with the animation style. did some digging and it seems one of the lead animators is masato mori#but i could be wrong. it seems he also did some work on mp100 which could explain a lot lol.. he uses smear frames really well to convey#consistent movement and fluidity!!! someone else might have done color design but it works really really well esp with odas style!!#just love the overall vibe and aesthetic and id really love to study it and incorporate a bit of it into my art.. especially the thick#outlines which i think helps to separate characters and objects on screen. though i have to say the style is definitely more suited to#animation bc of the simpleness and smears. maybe that will help me explore shapes and perspective when i draw... i wanna get better#at drawing poses and angles but i have a hard time wrapping my head around space and using perspective guide lines NGHHHH#i wonder if it has to do with my dogshit ability to judge distance. not depth perception but like. judge how far smth is in metres etc#im also wearing an N95 for the first couple weeks back bc of the wave. absolutely NO BODY is wearing a mask its so fucking over#where im sitting ive heard 5 different people coughing probably not into their elbows!!! and im just. head in my fucking hands#there was a kid sitting a couple seats away in class coughing as he pleases and i wanted to grab him in a chokehold so badly. PLEASEE#ive been annoying my family by asking them to mask up and reminding them to bring masks when they go out and showing them news articles#but at least its working bc we ordered some KN95s and my mom is at least taking me seriously so. please dont be afraid to speak up abt your#health. take care of yourself and others however u can!! wear that mask indoors at your maskless friends house!!! stay home when u can!!#im wearing a surgical mask at home too bc my parents have '''a dry throat cough''' and they are so bad at coughing into their sleeves#also im pretty sure dry throat isnt transmissible bc my brother started coughing too so.. i also tested negative but they havent tested yet#im also not a doctor but i have to keep reminding ppl whenever i can that covid and flu work differently. covid is new and too recent to#have nearly as much research done on it. it seems its also compounding so instead of building immunity it weakens the body and spreads to#to other systems which might explain brain fog and muscle weakness. i remember someone early in the pandemic got infected and it messed up#their smell/taste receptors so bad that they cant eat most foods and that stays in the front of my mind when i think abt covid. christ#yapping
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im not even done my current kuwameshi fic and im already getting ideas about new ones...
#kuwameshi#give me a sec i'll reblog later with the actual idea but like#WHAT IF UM KUWAMESHI BUT UM. PRINCESS BRIDE AU...#i also have another song fic idea but it's way sillier than the one i have on ao3#based off you me and steve by garfunkel and oates#i got the idea cos i just remembered when yusuke got back from training with genkai the 1st time and instead of a 1 on 1 date with keiko#kuwabara is also? there? and it's just so funny to me like what. and then they're supposed to all 3 go to the movies together?#AND WHEN THEY GET THERE THE 2 BOYS DITCH KEIKO?? for a mission yeah but she doesn't know that!!#and then yusuke and keiko actually go on a date alone and it gets interrupted cos of younger toguro#and shortly after kuwabara shows up so it looks like he was bound to come across them??#as far as a i remember the next time yu and keiko get together alone is the day he tells her to just wait and she's like im literally#not gonna wait for you <3 and it was so funny she just walked off lmaoo#anyway im trying to say i wanna make a silly little fic addressing the fact that keiko is like. pursuing her crush on yusuke#but kuwabara is kinda just. always there and it's fun she does like him but it's just awkward#planning on having her ask kuwa to maybe give her and yusuke some time alone like maybe just avoid their next outing#and kuwa is like oh damn :( ok good luck and yusuke shows up to the date and he's like woah wait. where tf is kuwabara?#keiko is like bruh. and she makes up some shit about him mentioning that he felt sick or wtv and yusuke is like ''then y are we here?#i should check on him. i dont think that guy has even been put outta commission by anything but my fist!'' and keiko just follows him#cos what else can she do. and kuwa is fine ofc and yusuke is like bro what gives i thought you were sick and kuwa is dense sometimes but he#catches on from keiko's desperate look and he's like well i got better *flexes his arm* and yu is like i knew you were too dumb to catch#a cold. and he's stupid happy that kuwa is fine and can come with them after all ''hey he's fine ya hear that keiko''#and then keiko is watching this whole exchange eyes blown wide open and she's like actually i just remembered i have plans#you two should totally go without me tho and yu agrees so easily that it just solidifies that she made the right call#kuwa is looking back at her all confused and she gives HIM the good luck thumbs up. he gets as red as his hair and#yusuke is worried he really is coming down with something
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like i wouldnt mind like. Not having new linear games post 5 its judt that sims 4 wasnt even supposed to Be The Sims 4 it was a last minute pivot and the base code is so outdated and was broken On launch so like. i just wish we could have the final actual sims game be like. one that was always intented to be a major sims release AND be intended to be so long term . yk
#i dont even want like. Ooh major graphical updates whatever if sims 5 was announced and they looked photorealizstic id hurl i wouldnt play#it#my ideal would ig be sims 4 with a touch more realism style wise. if this makes sense#like its a bittt too cartoony for me but i like the like. Clay hair or whatever SJFNFJ. and i think having it be simple in basegame means#you can customize it easier + itd run better on more pcs#so im fine eith that. i would nottt want it more cartoony#i also like. I understand the sims is like. an all ages game i do sometimes wish that the animations in 4 were a bit toned down#like i dont mind silly goofy wacky stuff i think its fun and like. The sims has always been a bit sillay yk. but the overexaggerated#animations r sometimes like -_-.... to me. but thats personal preference#IDK. the tags that show up when i type idk r so funny. do i ever know anything. sources say no#BUT ya i just rly wish like. if this is what they wanna do i wish theyd give us One more full game give it lots of time and love and rly rly#focus on having it excel at like. being this partnof the sims#since they wanna have like. Other sims games that have online features and multiplayer and everything. they could use that to make sure that#ts5 was Rly solid as a foundation and as like. ykwim..... they could plan updates for the future And dlc or whatever and i just think itd be#a better move than trying to make sims 4 happen#bc i judt dont think With all the updates in the world. sims 4 wont ever be like. what it couldve been. yk. i just dont think you can make#it work without Fullllyyyy just starting over.#and at this point with like..so many modders and stuff and everything and how much dlc there is thatd be impossible Esp if they keep#releasing new stuff which. They will ^_^#idk. im excited for some other lifesim games im keeping my eye out#but i rly do love the sims and i just wish that it could be as good as it could be. It has such a huge budget and team and like. if ea would#stop just trying to make as much money as possible off it i feel like they could make Such an amazing game. not to put down indie gamedevs#at all the games jve been looking at look Incredible like.. yk. but the fact those games are so good eith FAR smaller teams and budgets is#like. imagine what we could have if the sims had that amt of care and time put into it.#but whatever whatever whatever. sorry im just rambling#again ik what i would want from my platonic ideal of a sims game isnt what everyone would eant#but idk. i feel like another good step might be like. making the other sims games more available and updating them so they run better on#modern pcs. but i dont think thatll ever happen DNDNFJFNFN.
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;~; (tags vent)
#i feel so lonely and i dont know how to fix it#im trying to engage with people. im trying ot take space. im trying but nothing is helping#and like im hormonal so i wanna cry about it today#and like this loneliness isnt for one reason only#there's no One Thing#but so so many things making me feel like i cant connect#and even wiht making progress and even with coping and even with reminidng myself its okay to just feel bad sometimes like#i want company. i dont want online company i want irl company. i want friends. and im so miserable about the fact that i struggle to#make irl friends - not bc im not a good friend!! honestly tehre's been plenty of opportunities for me to make friends is the worst part#between work; disabilities; energy; and like interests/things to talk about its really hard to make friends (and tbh the first three-#really are the biggest drains). and i love my online friends i do i jsut. miss them all so much when i talk too much and then it hurts more#and i lost a friend group recently so im feelng really out of place#nearly everyday for the last idk. 5 months i had a group of people going “hey. love you” (even if they didnt say it verbatim daily) and lik#im so sad! and the feelings are coming out today ig cause i havenothing to do at work so im just. here#but yeah - ik part of this grief im experiencing is YET AGAIN experiencing change and loss re:friendships bc of things largely out of my#control /: and every time this happens it just brings up every single wound#im talking with my therapist about it too i just. wish friends were more permanent in my life yk?#or at least that i had friends irl still /: but all my deepest connections are all So far away#and it hurts so much to miss ppl rn im just. isolating myself#but i dont awnt to TALK. i dont want to TEXT. i dont want to hang out on a vc. i awnt to be held and loved and just talked to about anythin#other than the stresses in peoples lives. i want people to infodump to me w/o me having to Beg or Engage Correctly#i want people to tell me about themselves. jsut fucking lore dump in my inbox. its not dumping. i dont care about trauma dumping. if you do#cw i guess i jsut. im so tired. im tired of the “haiiiiii love you!!!!!” i have to do over the keyboard to have social connections#im tired of being so disabled i cant make friends bc no one wants to be friends w/ me irl and all the reasons (“ur a flake” “u cancel plans#“u never want to go out” “u never have energy” “why do you disappear when you need to recharge it makes me feel bad?” etc etc etc) all#relate to me being disabled and like.i feel like the problem. my existence is a problem. and the worst part is all iwant to do is just.#go run errands with someone. do important tasks &get a little treat to celebrate after. go to the doctor. the hospital. wherever im allowed#i want ot be a PERSON#): i jsut miss my friends#and liek im going to a thing later this month to try and make friends irl even if its just exercise friends
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hey guys i found this weird discontinued doll line from 2014, seems like the gimmick is each doll comes with a pet, except the pet is just an entire dude? so theyre mostly sold in two-packs, technically. i cant find much information on these except a weird tie-in comic on neocities, but i cant tell if its official or fan-made. can anyone let me know if they find more pictures of these? thx
#hey i combined 2 things im hyperfixated on again but this time the two things were ranfren and fashion dolls just like in general.#i currently do not really have proper supplies to make good doll customs of them#so for now the sanest course of action was to literally draw them as little dolls in their boxes for sale#i bet these bitches only got 5 pts of articulation /j#randal would have kanekalon hair. sebastian has polypropylene. i drew it like rooted hair but lets be real luther has molded on plastic hair#luther gets 2 releases because his hair color is inconsistent and he wears different color shirts sometimes#i think im going to draw a third release of him with nana.#a playset of the house would be fun but i am NOT drawing that....#the only ones i would want out of the ones ive drawn so far would be the randal and sebastian pack tbh.#not that i dont like luther and his catmen but their fashion isnt as interesting. which is why it was easier 2 draw#i had fun with the accessories though. i also like how i put a coffin shape behind randal and didnt do that for all the other boxes cause#it was too hard#anyways i wanna make more of these when i have the time... i wanna draw nurse randal and i want a release of satoru with camio(?spelling)#unreality#<== jic. mostly cause of my fun little caption#images that are horrid to see and look at#mspaint#dollblr#fashion dolls#ranfren#randal's friends#randal ivory#randal von ivory#sebastian de tomato smith chicken legs#luther ivory#luther von ivory#nyen catman#nyon catman
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i try so hard to set up 会話テーブル and none of the people from japanese club come and im like ah.... do they see me as too hardcore. do i expect too much and im just here being insane. but then i see my partner who has self-studied consistently for years and has transcended the need for such things and im like yeah no i could be way more hardcore these people just dont wanna commit
#mocha speaks#i am frustrated!!!! but it's fine other people came (not from jclub) and it was very good bc they actually care to study#im just like why does the japanese learning language club. not wanna come do japanese learning#the amount of times people in there go 'i wish i had speaking practice :( i wanna get better' etc etc#and im like yeah!! i made a language table!! come join my thing we can get better together!!#then it's not a good time for them or too far or they dont wanna actually go#which is fine and understandable but then they STILL are like man i wish there was somewhere to practice I AM MAKING IT EXIST RIGHT NOWWW#even worse when im like yeah ok let's meet outside of my thing to practice!! i can be flexible!!#THEY DONT WANNA GO THEN EITHERRRR
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I've been playing the new cotl update and I generally like it but god do I fucking hate like all of the balance changes just let things be strong man
#rat rambles#like Im ok with the dice relics getting nerfed because they were pretty rediculous before#but making them fragile relics is absolutely terrible and unacceptable#I dont wanna be mean abt it but like time and time again theyve nerfed things way too fucking hard and only some of them get unfucked#like I am not even slightly exaggerating when I say this one change has made all of the dice the worst relics in the game#making them a one time use just completely fucked up the balance of them especially when theres other relics that are also deeply powerful#for getting health And are good damage dealers#it also showcases that they do not understand just how bad most of the fragile relics already are#like genuinely I am baffled by this decision its been making this update so much harder to enjoy#also apparently they massively lowered the level cap which? sucks so fucking bad?#like there's ways to let things be strong without being overpowered#like literally just make it harder to level up followers as they get to the stupid high levels thatd be a much better way to go about it#because lemme tell you its obnoxious to go out of your way to pour that much attention into a follower but rewarding#and for the dice and similarly broken relics just add an extra slow charge speed#you can throw kalamars ear into that pile too along with the bomb one since it's never worth picking up as a fragile relic#like I do genuinely like this new update and what it adds so far its just that the actual yknow gameplay got a smidge bit worse#and since I like the combat in this game any negative changes on it hit much harder than most quality of life stuff#also for the actual new content I do like it but I do hope this is the last big content update at least for a while#I worry abt the game becoming too crowded with mechanics to the point it stops feeling like a coherent game#and to be clear in my personal opinion this update is already bluring the lines of those fronts#again I do genuinely rly like this update it just makes me worry abt the future of this game#I hope if they do make another larger update they focus more on expanding upon already existing mechanics instead of making new ones#like I think sin could rly use more things to do with it#like with how many ways there are to generate it its strange that almost all of the things you do with it are cosmetic#although tbf I havent been dungeoning much today so maybe theres some hidden stuff to use sin for there lol#also one huge thing that Im confused by is the choice to put the sewing building on the first tier of the inspiration tree#cause it uses silk. aka the stuff from the last dungeon most players unlock#I feel like itd be more appropriate to put it as an ofbranch of the housing tree#so basically my review of this update is that its fun and I like the new mechanics but they do feel a bit half baked#and Im not a fan of the balance changes and Im also not a fan of the gun but thats more of a me problem
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the two rules of sweeney todd cast recordjngs is 1. theyll never be better than 2012 london cast talk to the hand 2. theyll never be worse than 2005 broadway cast talk to the hand
#sry im literlly such a 2005 castrecording hater like im such a huge anti. i hate jt so baddd sounds like ass. they took the entire#orchestra out back and shot them dead leaving one piano player and.told him to judt make it work and then told sweeney that his entire#family died in a horrific fire immediately b4 he started rcording.#like im sorry ik sweeneys like a sad guys obvi i would be too yk sucks sucks Pooor thing better you should think she was dead yes i lied#cuz i looove you id be TWICE the wife she was i LOOOOOVE YOU HOW COULD THAT THING HAVE CARED FOR YOU LIKE ME !!!#anyways. but he just like. ik this sounds mena but his voice Sounds like a voice somebody would do to make fun of sweeney.#like it sounds like somebody mocking a mopey guy. but thats just the voice the guy uses 4 sweeney like..#also sry. im pretty sure the final scene lyrics they use in 2005 r the same as the original script from the 80s however. those lyrics just#dont flow as well ss the slightly edited version for the 2012.. like. hold on let me compare..#so the original Your Lucy!A crazy hag picking bones and rotten spuds out of alley ashcans!#Would you have wanted to know that she ended up like that?#whereas in 2012 its Your Lucy a mad hag. picking bones and rotten spuds out of dustbins#would you have wanted to know thats how she ended up ? and it just FLOWS BETTER SRYY.#ik its also partially bc most sweeney iterations r set. when sweeney is actually set where as 2012 sort of uses the framing devide of#disgruntled workers inn. i wanna say the 1920s? somewhere around there. which btw genius i love that devision.to draw parallels between the#working conditions of both time periods its quite genius babes. loveee to 2012 london cast recording. and it bangs far harder than those#other girls..#but like basically..imelda staunton if i ever get the opportunity i will genuinely give you 5billion dollars i dont think Aybody could ever#top her eprformance as mrs lovett. lifechanging. showstopping incredible#and michael balls sweeney is sooo good as well likee. he does such a good job balancing between like. i understand this guy. like i get him#i know his kotivationa and also This guy is fucking scary as hell#like he plays sweeney as far more like. Enraged than depressed. and i think it works RLY well for his interpretation of the character..#basically 🫰 <- thats for 2012 london cast. I wish that cast recording had all of the songs on its rly rather sickening.NO PIRELLIS MIRACLE#ELIXIR. LIKE IS IT A JOKEEEE DO YOU WANT ME DEAD ON THE STREETS? YOU SIR? ANYBIDY? GENTLEMEN NOW DONT BE SHY?#whatever. the one positive ill say for 2005 sweeney is that his performance. at times..is hysterical#i hate their version of final scene due to 2012 final scene being My favorite sweeney song. however. his like. Oh my god and also the judge#when he kills the judge and he says barker like hes powering up. he goes barkeeEEEEERRRRRR. whys that more acting than he did the entire#rest of the show. like its weird bc he was simultaneously over acting (as was the rest of the cast imo) and underacting ? like they were so#over dramatically sad that it looped back into them being completely flat and emotionless. its tly kind of impressive#but in fjnal scene when he goes OH NO !!!!! oh gOOOod. that was so funny
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#today has been a day. as in time did pass. the earth rotated. and i accomplished very little#bc im just feeling paralyzed and not so good. and i guess thats understandable#like i understand y its happening but its not any less frustrating. mostly its just knowing that i have to make life altering decisions in#the next few weeks. and the pressure of: if i dont decide to go for this one project then they dont get a student and they dont get funding#that makes me pretty nauseous. and knowing i have an interview Thursday that im not ready for and i dont really wanna do#and its a product of not talking to people like a human being. like i just dont interact with people much. when im in the lab i mostly#stand around looking unapproachable or go in when i kno there's no one there and i just dont have close friends so i dont really talk to or#text anyone. i just work and fail to get things done. so then when im in a situation where i have to talk to ppl its all anxious shrapnel#or me dominating the conversation bc i cant stand the pauses and i have so much obsessivly rotatinf in my head. and i hate it. im so sick#of hearinf my own voice but no one talk in the way i want them to. i get so bored. and i want to ask pressing and uncomfortable things but#i kno i shouldnt. but i also dont really have a filter so ill just say fucking whatever. which is what i did Saturday when a triggering#topic of conversation arose. so now my lab mate officially knows too much. but whatever wtf is he gonna do abt it. i just get so annoyed#bc now its in my head. thr fact it set me off and that i overshared and that now its in my head. annoying.#and it doesn't help with the writing things i need to finish. bc i dont like feeling like ive done something wrong and one of the reviewers#has good points. which also probably means ill have to redo my 8 days of measurements so far#but i also might b able to shorten the timeline so idk. just a lot is happening rn and i feel the pressure and by brain doesn't like#pressure. and not doing things rn is not good. things need to be done#so idk i dont feel good but it makes sense. by the end of February hopefully things will b figured out#and i should sleep and hope for a better tomorrow#unrelated
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currently wondering whether collecting my blades for a group pic would be bad for my tenuous mental health atm
#speculation nation#i was trying to list out all my blades but i have far too many to reasonably do that way#so the natural next step would be to collect them all up for a pic#i havent done that in a while. now is probably not a good time.#like!!!!!!!!!! it's not like i'd be scared of hurting myself on them or anything#my knives are a solid for Cool Factor or Practical Use only. not for bad mental health times#but having a bunch of blades before me might not be the best plan#..but also. also. i kinda really wanna collect all my babies in one place#i dont even know how many i have. i have way too many & it's been several years since ive done a group count#/ picture. and this time i will TRY to not drop my machete on my finger#still sometimes astounded that i managed to drop my machete on my finger point-first and somehow did NOT take a finger off#i was very very lucky it hit the bone rather than the joint. hurt like a bitch and left a scar but couldve been Much worse#uhm. i learned from it though! no more big machete in unidentified boxes#oh yea i forgot my machete is still located in my bed frame. im so used to it i forget i literally sleep next to a machete every night#a naked blade as long as my leg. but i keep it wrapped up with the blade Down so no injuries have occurred!#........ when i talk about this shit like this it makes me astounded no one's tried to stage an intervention#ive only gotten lil knicks from my stupidity so i guess ppl have decided im not That much of a hazard to myself#the machete in the bedframe is just from paranoia anyways. just like my axe on the display case#oh fuck i forgot i own an axe. and a spear. and several swords.#and a CANE SWORD and a fuck ton of pocket knives. guys i own a lot of blades.#this is not stopping my wish to gather them up for a group picture. it's been so long i have forgotten most of what i own. help
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ykw sometimes its better to just cancel the show
#s/he speaks#yes this is abt killing eve#(no i still havent gotten to the end it just keeps getting worse....... im here for the helene and villaneve scenes only atp)#and specifically the parallels between it and nbc hannibal#im gonna try to not go off too much bc i have enough thought to turn this into a 5 page essay#but basically#1. i feel like i dont even need to say this but if what happened to a show as popular as ke instead happened to a show a male oriented show#esp one with gay main characters. all of the writers would be in witness protection rn the backlash would have been deadly#2. besides the obvious point of misogyny and lesbophobia/hatred? discomfort? disinterest? with f/f relationships#it genuinely would have been better in the long term for ke to have ended on s3#i dont like s3 all that much but even w that being said it would have been 1000x better if it just. ended at the bridge scene#and now w the parallels to hannibal - a good chunk of what keeps hannibal alive even today (besides the great story characters etc etc)#is the fact that it was cancelled with an ambiguous ending. its the perfect recipe for endless fanfics and keeping the audience alive#by keeping them hoping that *maybe* someday there will be more to come no matter how unrealistic the expectation is#meanwhile w killing eve the fact that it is officially over there is no hope#our s4 *is there*. its there and its shit and we just have to live with it because there are no second chances#sure ppl can and do write fanfics abt alt endings and ppl still make edits n whatnot but it feels like the fandom is just dead/dying#bc any and all memory of even the best parts of the show gets tainted by the knowledge of how it ends and of how badly they fumbled it#and even worse when you KNOW it didnt have to be like that. it could have been good. and yet#idk. i said id keep this short but im still rambling i just have a lot of thoughts#i wanna post ke stuff but this is just killing any enthusiasm i had for the show so far#which is so fucking stupid bc i love it even with the shit last season and i cherish it sm its one of my all time favs im just devastated t#and esp as an excath and bi woman. s4 feels like a straight up personal attack on my own bs that i was forced to deal w#i wish women got better media i wish shows focused almost exclusively on women more i wish there were more morally grey/evil mc women#i wish representation of bi/les women existed outside of sanitized desexualized “pure bean” femxfem media#(tumblr deleted half my tags so rewriting) idk i just wish this type of show wasnt so fucking rare and that woman centred media wasnt so#“softened down” ig??? idk how to describe it but it just feels like theres no way to get any dark/gritty female media w/o it having like.#a shit ton of misogynistic violence sexualization and sa. esp when you add f/f pairings in it#like can we be fucking happy. for once. pls#rant over ig
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I randomly looked thru all my random sketches/unfinished wip files and I'm just mentally shaking past Catie like "WHY DIDNT YOU FINISH THESE!?"
#ugh theres a few i really want to finish#bcs i think the sketches are genuinely rly goor#<- not a brag. when i sketch or finish art i tend to hate it at first glance but come to love it after a period of time#so im looking at these like huh why did i think these were just nonsense/bad#but god its so hard to jump back into an old project#cause yeah the sketch looks good but its probably so far removed from my current level of skill#theres one i almost just wanna post the sketches of it and be done with it#bcs ive thought abt it so long and i go look at it longingly like every week#but its one of those things where you feel like even if you finished it +#it either wont look good as it does in your head or its not as dynamic/passionate as the og sketch yknow?#my drawing files are just a weird mix of being an absolute graveyard of sketches but also are next to my masterworks 😭#i think its good for your brain to sketch and you dont have to 'finish' everything you ever start#<- but at the same point theres some wips that make me groan bcs i reallt want them to be finished#oh chair wip i think i might have to re-sketch you if i ever wanna finish you. even tho ive really warmed to the original sketches </3#well ah anyways i think maybe matador seb will be my next thing#i wanna draw chibis again too i think#i drew them too much for a while and felt like i was losing my painting abilties#and now i only paint 💀 so its so ?????#catie.rambling.txt
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Trying in vain to explain to the cats that we can’t cuddle for a few days bc I have ringworm on my leg 😔
#idk where it came from#im assuming hospital but i was wearing pants and a jacket the whole time so???#and my parents are fine so far (and mom was the one actually having surgery)#so who knows lol#i dont want to give you my fungus babies :’(#it wont be contagious after a few days of treatment! its not for long babies i promise#i just dont wanna risk flip flopping/scratching in my sleep and exposing them :’(#altho surprisingly it hasnt been itchy at all despite the fact that it is now very blatantly ringworm#i had it on my arm in middle school and went insane from the itch#absolutely nothing - just the rash#weird but im not complaining lol#just peculiar#honestly the only reason it didnt completely escape my adhd brain today#is bc my germaphobia is really good at keeping tabs on potential contagions#so shoutout to my ocd for doing it’s fucking job for once instead of just fucking with me lol#bestie you’re my contagion alert system but sometimes you get too excited lol#right now you’re doing good tho and i’m proud of you#patting my ocd on the head for successfully keeping track of the fact that i have ringworm despite there not being any physical stimulus#to otherwise remind me#it means i dont forget and risk spreading it both to other people/animals and/or other parts of my body :)
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Life is okay actually (remembered that tomorrow my Package will be delivered (new jewelry for my big ass ear holes))
#i mean i just bought the most basic plugs#like one set thats full and one with like a tunnel hole#so far ive only been using these like. tapers? i think thyre called? the spike shaped long ear stretchers#i know youre technically not supposed to use them as your jewelry#but actual plugs are expensive#and i couldnt afford to buy a new set every time i size up#so i wanted first to get to a size i like before i buy any actual jewelry#im 16mm now and im pretty happy with it#i think i may go bigger someday in the future but its good enough for now#especially since i had a lil blowout when changing to 16#it healed now but i dont wanna go through that again lmao im good#and yeag i ordered the plugs a couple days ago and they should be here tomorrow#or day after tomorrow#which is still fone#hyped#also my baby kitten is asleep in my bed#so feeling better about her too#yippee#bee buzz
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Look at me…
Warnings:: SMUT so MDNI! (Happy now?) possessiveness if you squint, dirty talk, begging, crude language, just missionary, spit/spitting, talks of pregnancy as a form of dirty talk, squirting, hickies, unprotected sex (DONT BE SILLY, WRAP YOUR WILLY.) SoftDom!Niki x WhinyFem!Reader, Niki IS an adult and if you disagree then you can fuck right off with your delusions. Proofread!
“Oh, fuck-“ it comes out in a choked gasp as you slowly take Niki all the way, him slowly driving his cock deep inside you. “S-so…full-“ you say with difficulty, as you rake your hands down his bare back. He sucks in through his teeth when he bottoms out. Niki leans lower, large hands gently brushing hair off your face as you take deep breaths, taking time to take his fat cock. “Nice and full. You’re so good to me, baby.” He gently kisses you, rocking his hips gently to replace the pain with pleasure, which he does with ease. “So tight, all f’me, yeah?” “Yeah.” You whine out, “All…yours.” You sigh, eyes fluttering shut.
With time, Niki speeds up, to the point his hips are mercilessly hammering into your sopping pussy, rambling. “Fuck, baby. Keep looking at me, wanna see you fucking cum. Oh shit, shit shit.” Niki grinds against you, your clit coming into contact with his public bone as he grinds up messily against you. “Need you to cum in me, baby. Please, god I need this so- fuck!” You’re too far gone, only being able to take his sticky sloppiness as he pounds into oblivion, the smell of sweat and pure sex fogging the room. “Take it. Take-this-fucking-“ every word is followed by a hard thrust. “Dick, oh shit- I’m gonna cum.” He whines out, sending signals straight to your clit. Your legs wrap and lock around his waist, keeping him where you both want him to be. “Give it to me, baby. Give it to me.” You feel yet another orgasm rushing straight from your clit to your stomach, the band winding so tightly that you’re slightly scared for it to snap. “Gonna cum inside, give you my fucking babies and make you a mama. Fuck-“ a guttural whine escapes from his chest, awakening a form of feral-ness you didn’t know you held. You’re cunt is begging him to make that noise again, pussy throbbing, tightening around Niki’s big dick. “Fuck!” He moans again with a snap of his hips. “You just got so fucking tight then.” His pace becomes irregular, begging to cum because it hurts. “Don’t take your fucking eyes off me. Take my fucking dick while you look in my eyes.” His hands hold the side of your face, holding your head so you can only stare back up at him in a lustful gaze. Niki thinks you look so heavenly sinful with your hair ruffled, lips swollen and pink, covered in his spit as he drops globs of saliva into your mouth, neck adorned with dark crimson bruises. “I’m going to cum again.” You announce; your hips raising, inviting a new angle as you brace for an orgasm that feels weirder, almost like you need to pee. “Wait, baby-this feels diff- ohhhh shit.” Your orgasm rushes to you, a very powerful, delicious orgasm as you squirt everywhere, having it land mostly on Niki’s abs and pubic bone. He sits up, so he’s resting on his knees as he stares at your pussy in nothing that could’ve been mistaken for awe. “Baby girl just squirted all over-me. Fuck!” Niki’s hips speed really quickly until they completely come to a halt, a chest-heaving whine leaving his swollen, wet, bleeding lips caused by immense lip biting. “Good girl, oh good girl.”
THIS SMUT IDEA WAS GIVEN FROM A SMUT AUDIO OF NIKI! When I find the creator I’ll tag them. They start with ‘Yucky’.
UPDATE:// the creator I got this idea off of’s user is in my comments, under the helpful user who helped me remember. Please, check out both creators!
#Enhypen smut#niki smut#Niki hard thoughts#Riki smut#enhypen nishimura riki#nishimura riki#enhypen#smut
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