#then it was gaining dazai’s approval

[brain-in-a-skin-suit]

i wholeheartedly believe that akutagawa is going to come back at the end of this arc because, while it was thematically a good death, it’s an even better rebirth

[hellaarknight]

I need to read a fic where the Akutagawa siblings are like the adopted kids of Chuuya and the reader. Hear me out on this. Chuuya is dating reader who is not part of the Mafia nor the Ada, but is good in close combat because is trained in self-defense and other techniques. Just because the reader fancy it. After a period of dating, reader gets to meet part of Chuuya's coworkers, such as Kouyo, Gin, Aku, Hirotsu etc. And becomes extremely fond of Gin and Akutagawa. First because she sees herself in Aku and his desperate attempts to gain his mentor approval and it makes her heart ache since she thinks that Chuuya is nevertheless a better mentor for Aku than Dazai. So she starts to organize dinners at Chuuyas and invite said coworkers, but more often just Aku and Gin.

Akutagawa is obviously not very fond of the outings at first, and not very fond of Chuuya's girlfriend. But even if he finds her annoying, he can't harm his superior's girlfriend. Then, he becomes somewhat accustomed to going to their place for dinner and it makes him at ease to see Gin having a new somehow friend. And maybe the hugs he receives aren't that bad after all. Even if he feels weird af at the beginning not being used to physical affection. And when she compliments his fighting skills and praises the good work him and Chuuya do during missions, it is not totally awful. I mean, it is not Dazai, it comes from a weak woman... But that weak woman makes the great executive Chuuya Nakahara fear for his life when he does something stupid, so she's not totally weak... And slowly he has a full war inside, of contradictory thoughts regarding her. And slowly he starts to respect her. And maybe even appreciate her. Sooner than later he doesn't even realize when he goes full rage on someone who dares to insult Chuuya's girlfriend.

BSD writers. I'm begging you on my knees, please someone write a fanfic with this idea. I'm begging you, I need to see the reader being a big sister for Aku and take care of him. If someone writes this or knows any similar fic, please tag me. I beg you.

[idiotwriteower]

a thing I noticed: Dazai said that he would give Akutagawa a reason to live in the flashback of Akutagawa and dazai meeting.

He DID give Akutagawa a reason to live. (Gain dazai's approval) But he'll never fully gain it, as to keep giving Akutagawa a reason to live.

NOW INEED YOU TO HEAR ME OUT.

feel like dazai is slowly give Akutagawa a reason that doesn't involve dazai.

Y'all remember when dazai met Chuuya, and spent time with him, he said that he would try living.

What l'm thinking is that dazai will make Atsushi and Akutagawa the new shin soukoku (hes already doing that)

But give Akutagawa a different reason to live, just like Chuuya gave dazai a interest in living.

By giving Atsushi as Akutagawas reason to live, he's separating himself from Akutagawa so he doesn't need dazai to live.

Idk just something

I'm a certified yapper

[starlightshadowsworld]

If Bsd and Bsd Beast have taught me anything it’s that Akutugawa and Atsushi will always find a place to belong.

But Akutagawa will never be satisfied with what he has. He will dedicate his whole life to a single minded goal in gaining that missing piece. No matter the personal cost.

For Bsd Akutagawa it’s Dazai’s approval. For Beast Akutagawa it’s getting Beast Gin back.

And Atsushi with all his power and might will be powerless when it comes to protecting his loved ones. He’ll be forced out of the only home he’s ever known. And watch helplessly as his he loved ones fall apart.

For Beast Atsushi it’s being abandoned by his parents and the Port Mafia while having to watch Beast Dazai die.

For Bsd Atsushi it’s being abandoned by his parents, the orphanage, losing the Agency. And watching all his friends vanish before his eyes.

Beast Atsushi killed the headmaster and Bsd Atsushi believes the lives of his friends (119) is something he could’ve saved.

The more things change the more they stay the same.

[fudanshipoe]

bsd character design analysis ★

– part 1: borrowed clothing and its symbolism

word count: 1.3k

includes: dazai, beast dazai, akutagawa, ranpo, yosano

1.) Dazai's Coat (PM vs ADA)

Following the Port Mafia tradition of giving a new subordinate a superior's item as a sign of loyalty, Mori gives Dazai his jacket upon his entrance into the mafia. Dazai never wears this coat correctly, instead draping it around his shoulders.

On the other hand, the coat he wears in the ADA is not only worn in the correct fashion, but it also closely resembles Odazaku's coat.

The way Dazai wears his coat symbolizes where his loyalties lie. He was never loyal to the Port Mafia, or Mori himself. Hedoes takes on Mori's influence, specifically in his acts of getting something done no matter the means. Dazai does not mind playing dirty, and this follows Mori's own ideas of finding the most optimal solution. While I don't believe Mori is entirely the reason Dazai follows this path of action, it is clear that he did have some influence on Dazai with his teachings.

Dazai is loyal to the Armed Detective Agency, however, and goes to extreme measures for his comrades, including sacrificing himself in various ways. (Meursalt, dead apple, etc).

Going back to how his coat resembles Oda's, it gives light into Oda's influence on Dazai, that being him planting a moral seed in Dazai. His final request is for Dazai to strive to be a good person and not dwell along the dark side of humanity any longer. Oda is arguably one of the most important relationships Dazai has over the course of the series. He is the one who sets Dazai on a better path, and Dazai takes his words to heart. Otherwise, he would not have joined the Armed Detective Agency and found people he is loyal to.

2.) Beast Dazai

Beast Dazai noticeably has the same scarf Mori does. This could be a signifier of position as the Port Mafia boss, but I believe it represents tactics that Beast Dazai learned from Mori. I am specifically talking about the control they both excise on others. In order for Beastzai's plan to work, he had to gain an almost absolute hold over the world immediately surrounding Oda. This is why it is mostly him, SSKK, and Oda whose lives are affected by his actions. Most everyone else's lives remain similar to the original BSD verse. The members of each organization are the same, is what I mean.

The iron grip that beast Dazai has over the Beast universe in order to reach his goal resembles the tactics Mori uses as the Port Mafia boss. Absolute control.

Beast Dazai's coat is another important factor. Unlike PM Dazai in the main BSD universe, beast Dazai wears his coat correctly and not around his shoulders. Beast Dazai is dedicated to his goal of securing a world where Oda can stay alive and freely write his novels. His loyalty is not to the Port Mafia, but that goal.

3.) Akutagawa's Coat

This is another item that follows the Port Mafia tradition and Dazai gives him his own coat on the night that he picks up Akutagawa from the slums.

Akutagawa's coat is a representation of his trauma and dependence on Dazai's recognition to live. His goal is to receive the recognition he never got from Dazai in the past, and this hinders his own development. While Akutagawa does not care about Dazai as a person, the effect Dazai's training had on him was creating a dependence on this approval.

His coat is his most important item for the greater majority of the series. He does not use his ability without it, and keeps it on at all times, which is another topic to discuss upon his coat/ability and protecting himself. In fact, he believes for a while that he can't use his ability without his coat, either, or that he is defenseless without it.

This changes during the Decay of the Angel's arc, specifically in the SSKK vs Fukuchi fight. In a pivotal moment, Akuatagwa discards his coat in order to aid Atsushi in delivering a powerful blow to Fukuchi. He uses Rashomon without his coat for the first time in this scene, too, which shows his growth as a character, and no longer relying so heavily on having to prove himself to Dazai for a reason to live. It is an example of him making his own choices and not being under the influence of Dazai's teachings onto him that he needed to prove himself useful, or that he is even useless in the first place.

4.) Ranpo's Glasses

Fukuzawa gives Ranpo an ordinary pair of glasses in the Untold Origins novel as a way to "control" his ability. Now, it is well established that these are a cheap pair, and that they are useless since Ranpo is not actually an ability user, however, the importance of it lies in Fukuzawa's influence on Ranpo, and the facade Ranpo subscribes to.

Fukuzawa is a figure that represents an integral point in Ranpo's life. Before the events of Untold Origins, Ranpo had no one in his life as a result of his parent's death. Fukuzawa is the first figure to step up for Ranpo and try to guide him, he is the sole reason Ranpo realizes he is not isolated in this world. This is important because Ranpo needs that at 14 years old. Fukuzawa is the cause if Ranpo's worldview changes, otherwise he would have continued to stray on his own uncertain path.

This also marks the beginning of Ranpo's attachment to being viewed as an ability user. He has an innate need to prove himself above the extraordinary because he cares about protecting the ones he values, namely the Agency. His resolve to be strong for his friends and family is strong, and this relates to the fact that he is so driven on remaining this image of an astounding man. He can't afford to lose his place in this light precisely because he is such an important piece of the Agency. The Agency was created because of Ranpo, after all, as a place for him to utilize his intellectual gift and to belong with Fukuzawa to.

His glasses tie back as a symbol of this in the Ranpo and Poe chapter (32). He loses his glasses while in Poe's ability space, and has a meltdown over the fact that he can't use his ability without them. It has also been established that Ranpo is self aware of his non-ability reality, yet he still clings to it because he needs to live up to that self standard, and his glasses are the object of this.

(I had images for this and yosano but Tumblr has a 10 image limit ://)

5.) Yosano and Her Butterfly Pin

There is a strong theme between life & death, and rebirth & transformation within Yosano's character.

Yosano gets her hair pin from Tachihara's older brother, who was a soldier in the "immortal army" unit under Mori's command. The way she acquires this hair pin is important because he represent a huge aspect of her trauma during this time, as the repeated abuse of her ability on him ended with his suicide. This time also cements her connection with life and death through her ability. She has the ability to control life and death itself, after all. Life is important to Yosano, this is established from her herself during her fight with Kaji through her comments on death is the lack of life, and the way she strives to save lives with her ability.

Butterflies serve as a symbol of metamorphosis, whether physical or emotional, and Yosano follows this theme well. She changes drastically as a person, as she does not let her past nor her ability connect her to that level of inhumanity she is pushed into by others' views. Golden butterflies specifically represent transformation, hope, or something along the lines of past souls as well, which fits with Yosano well.

[featherstorm2004]

Akutagawa's promise

Bsd 117

Honestly, I'm really proud of Akutagawa this chapter it feels like finally after all this time he's starting to make decisions out of his own will and not simply being a tool used by others (Dazai). Was his decision to care for Aya spurred on by Bram's request? Yes but it was ultimately his decision to follow through instead of ignoring it like he's done with basically everyone who wasn't Dazai.

And now with Aya in his life he's got a reason to fight on that's outside of gaining Dazai's approval, he's got someone to live for now as the protector he was always destined to be.

There's also the comparison between Aya and Kyouka however, I think an important distinction between the two is that ultimately Aya is nothing like Kyouka was when Akutagawa met so that means he'll probably need to change his approach with caring for Aya. When he and Kyouka met she had lost hope and was already used to killing/the mafia life, but Aya is overall a normal girl who has no such experience which means Akutagawa is going to have to learn to be more gentle and ultimately kinder/patient with her in order to properly keep his promise.

And promise's are something he is famed for taking seriously so, safe to say I'm exited!

[inamagicalhallucination]

What do you think would happen if BEAST sskk met cannon sskk?

foursome cough who said that

umm i think beast atsushi meeting canon atsushi and knowing that canon atsushi and canon dazai r like besties will be pretty interesting -- and opposite for canon atsushi to know that in another reality dazai-san would collar him

beast aku is disgusted at canon aku's desire to gain canon dazai's approval but canon aku is half smug he still has his sister and have upset that theres a world where he wouldnt

[hannigramislife]

I am not a dazai hater by any means, but you talk so respectfully (and make a lot of sense) about your opinions on him I can't help but really enjoy your blog! I particularly loved your ship opinions posts. Any other characters you want to share ship opinions on?

Hi friend!!

I'm glad I came off as respectful and left a positive impression on you! I do a lot of shit-posting about Dazai, but I do feel like I am at least fair to him when I am analyzing his actions? Other times, yeah, I'm just indulging in my desire to beat him bloody. Just, like, once. To get it out of my system XD. For science.

And the ship posts! Those were soooo fun to make. And oh, let me think about any other ships and my thoughts on them...

Fyolai (Fyodor / Nikolai) – Remember how I was like "there's just some things you don't write if you don't want people to ship two characters?" This is another case. This is the reason I disagree with people that go like "bsd is the only manga where no ships are necessary," like bro, there's so many things wrong with that sentence. It is absolutely necessary to make a bond such as these two's feel almost tangible to the viewers. It is essential to understand Nikolai's emotional dependance on Fyodor as a driving factor to his actions. Nikolai is orbiting around him, and you can see Fyodor having a genuine interest in this man, who doesn't play a big role in his grand plans. To me, these two feel kinda like Soukoku? Something something "the stars aligned so we could meet." 10/10 ship.

Ranpoe (Ranpo / Poe) – What God do I need to pray to in oder to get about 50 OVAs with these two?? Season 4 Ranpoe was the biggest treat and gift to me, personally. I love love love their dynamic so much. Like, yeah, Poe idolizes Ranpo, but he is now just as much in Ranpo's radar as well! Ranpo imprinted on him, he is Ranpo's emotional support rich boyfriend for fuck's sake. The way Ranpo uses his ability seamlessly?? Like it belongs to him?? Like he's so goddamn comfortable with it?? And what about the, "What would I do with myself if Ranpo-kun were to die..?” They're literally soulmates. They met and clicked so hard, they found each other, they suit each other, they complete each other. 10 million/10.

AtsuLucy (Atsushi / Lucy) – Firstly, I love Lucy, I think she's a great character, I love her design and personality and ability and everything. My baby. However, I have no particular attachment to this ship. It's not bad, and it's perfectly valid, but I don't see like- a need for it, you know? They understand each other, have stuff in common, and impacted each other's lives; I do love when two characters save each other left and right, so kudos for that. Honestly, they seem like they'd be absolutely amazing friends, really close, and honestly, I would love to see Atsushi have such a friendship, I think it would be good for him, but personally I don't see them in a romantic light. 9/10 ship due to the lack of feels I got from their interactions.

HiguGin (Higuchi / Gin) – I think that they're amazing and I would die for them. I need a spin-off of them. I need at least a whole WAN episode of them going on a date and shopping and eating ice cream and training and going to the beach– basically everything because they'd have the best relationship ever. I can just see them cuddling on a couch and watching TV as sskk fight over the last dumping in the kitchen. I need more about them like I need air. Also, petition for Beast Higuchi and Beast Gin to take over the Mafia. For reasons. 10/10 ship.

FukuMori (Fukuzawa / Mori) – Yeah, yeah, they're divorced Double Black and whatever, but let's be real for a second; no one can convince me that when Fukuchi first showed up, y'all's reaction was not, "Hold on a second Fukuzawa, what about your husband?!" The way Fukuchi behaved with Ranpo screamed new boyfriend trying to gain the son's approval, I was dying XD. "But Fukuchi knew Fukuzawa first!!" Yeah, yeah, I don't care– I'm not a zskk shipper until Fukuchi enters the screen. Let Fukuzawa and Mori be the yin and yang pillars of Yokohama. 9/10 ship because Mori is *sigh* a bad guy. Sad.

Odango (Oda / Ango) – They are married. No, I will not accept criticism. This is canon to me.

KuniBram (Kunikida / Bram) – My sister has decided they're also married and coparenting, so the conclusion is that they're married and coparenting.

I can't think of any ships right now, but do mention if there's one you like that I have missed!

(Honorary Mention: Dead Apple Trio) – So, we agree they fucked, right?? That wasn't subtext in the slightest, that was the greatest amount of subtle and yet ostentatious display of repressed homosexuality I've seen since SuperWhoLock hit this website. Dazai did not look that good to simply not be pushed against a table/wall. That's a disservice to him.

[dazai-fan-page]

opinion on fyozai ?

I personally don't ship it because I see it as being too competitive and more "I wanna beat you and then keep you as a pet" which isn't how they actually are, I know, but it feels like that every time I think about writing them so I just never do. Also I don't ship Nikolai and Chuuya and I can't ship Dazai with other people without making it a skk polycule because I don't like separating them. Same goes with Fyolai.

I do understand why people ship them tho, I can see the appeal.

They've got that whole arch enemy, can almost read each others mind and are constantly one uping each other, of course it's a ship. They understand each other on a freaky level, they should kiss.

Personally if I were to write an AU where they dated I think I'd probably make them be an on and off thing, neither of their friend groups approve of the relationship, which just makes them want to stay together more but they still break up on a bimonthly basis. Eventually I'd have them decide that this is just a waste of time, trying to hurt the other for whatever the reason this week, breaking up and fucking around before getting back together, it's not worth it.

If they had to be endgame I'd need Fyodor to trust Dazai to not run away and Dazai would need to trust that Fyodor wasn't just using him as means to an end. Which would be a pain in the ass to write in a cute number of chapters we'd be in a 15+ chapter fic at that point. But I'd probably have Fyodor have a breakdown and try to go hide by himself and have Dazai help him through it, at his own detriment of some kind to prove that he's not doing it for self gain. Then have Dazai get real sick so he can't do anything of "value" and have Fyodor take care of him, to prove that he doesn't only want Dazai when he's "useful"

Jazz hands thanks you goodnight

[tinkerleaf]

Akutagawa Angst Hour

✧:･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ✧

Currently thinking about Akutagawa and his life goal to gain Dazai's approval. I hate it because I saw myself doing the same with the mentors in my life. I wanted nothing more than for them to tell me I was doing a great job. I needed to impress them. I needed to impress someone.

I can also feel his pain when Atsushi comes in. He's a random mutt from the streets who comes in to completely catch Dazai's attention. It kills me because I've seen this happen all the time. I finally do something cool just for someone to come in and take it away by doing it better.

Hearing Akutagawa ask Atsushi what made him so special breaks my heart because I can feel him asking "What makes you better than me?" "What does he see in you?" Makes me so sad.

[play-rough]

Although I’m a staunch toddler Atsushi truther, a headcanon I have about him that I just adore is that it is of unanimous understanding that if he wasn’t a little then he’d be a caregiver. I imagine Sushi being very desperate to help with caring for other littles, especially babies (rip to Dazai, your remaining shred of dignity is in the clamped grip of a four year old), obviously this is partly due to ✨orphan trauma✨ but he’s also just a naturally caring person who has a lot of empathy for other littles that make him decent in anticipating their needs, cause he knows what it’s like to be in that position.

Akutagawa I feel has similar potential- he’s an alpha, but he possesses enough qualities, like his desire for approval from Dazai, to be mistaken for a submissive (are there omegas in this au? I’d have to guess yes if there are alphas but I don’t know for sure). I like the plan of them being the inverse to SKK but I feel like making them both seem just a tiny bit incompatible with their classifications would add a little kick to their dynamic.

But hey, that’s just a film theory 🧍

-🍓

I agree that Atsushi is a very kind and caring person and I could totally see him as a caregiver, my want to make SSKK mirror SKK swayed a lot of the choices 😭 but Atsushis immediate investment in akutagawa and his wellbeing despite them being on opposite sides (and being warned that akutagawa is dangerous) just shows how kind he is, and i agree it’s orphan trauma you know what it’s like to not be treated with that kindness so Atsushi always makes sure to extend it

Also absolutely in love with Atsushi babying Dazai because I think it’s so sweet for them to have the somewhat irresponsible mentor and kindhearted mentee dynamic that flips to shy baby and kid who is now his older brother 😭 it’s just such a fun range they can spend a morning with Dazai begging Atsushi to do his paperwork (atsushi refuses) and by afternoon Atsushi is begging Dazai to let him feed him goldfish crackers (Dazai refuses) 😭

Ok the bomb of a question of are there omegas? Idk i guess no, just because I think it opens up a lot of cans of worms that I just don’t want to think about and also it turns it more into a classic omegaverse story? no because i would have to think about what that does to my world building lol 😔 it was actually going to be just strictly littles, caregivers, and neutrals and i added in alphas entirely because i couldn’t really see Chuuya fitting in as a caregiver and idk for some reason i liked the idea of him being a big scary alpha who was so sweet and gentle to the baby 🥺

So my insane lore (or a short version) is that when humans where evolving we kept more animalistic traits, mostly effecting social and relationship dynamics. Some humans evolved to thrive on providing care, to ensure pack wouldn’t be without people to help the weak, sick, or young. Children had low survival rates though, and losing them often had devastating effects on the mental health of the humans who evolved these caretaking instincts, so in response other humans evolved to develop childlike mindsets once they reached adulthood. This ensured that even if that year’s baby humans survival rate was low, there were always plenty of humans that would thrive on receiving that care. Meanwhile, groups of humans hones in on hunting and defending skills, over centuries gaining abilities to sense danger and instinctively act and protect potentially vulnerable pack members. Between what is now known as alphas, caregivers, and littles, mixed in with neutrals (humans who continued to evolve without showing specific traits of the other groups), humans created their own unique pack dynamic.

Imagine that happens over a shit ton of centuries and we also go through societal modernization to reach the present day 😭 where a lot of these instincts are now just traits that are largely unused because we don’t hunt and gather food and we don’t have high youngster death rate (which in modern days littles actually moreso help curb overpopulation)

I also have a bunch of insane ideas like how is religion affected by this world?? Was Jesus an alpha??? Is there history of littles independence rights movements?? Probably, they’re probably a protected discriminatory class idk if that’s the right term this ask has gotten out of hand 😵

[mania-sama]

MISTAKE

MISTAKE - NF

➼ information ❧ Bungou Stray Dogs ❧ Pairing: Akutagawa Ryuunosuke & Dazai Osamu ❧ Tags: angst, relationship study, character study, implied/referenced child abuse, anxiety attack, discussion of death, dazai-typical suicide references ❧ Summary: The Dazai-Akutagawa apology we all need. ❧ Word Count: 1,660 ❧ Cross-posted from Archive of Our Own ❧ Original post date: 30 April 2023

Ever since Atsushi’s mentor died, Akutagawa has wondered how Dazai would die.

If one asked him a month ago, he would’ve answered quickly and honestly: suicide. It’s the most obvious answer, and anyone who has spent at least five minutes with the man would agree with Akutagawa's response. Ryuunosuke trained under Dazai for hours on end for years, yet his perspective was no different than the average person’s.

Now he isn’t so sure.

Dazai approached Akutagawa the day that the orphanage headmaster was hit by a truck, and instructed him on what to do. He remembers wondering directly afterward how he would feel if his own mentor were to pass. Dazai had not told Akutagawa to be kind, but he treated Atsushi with such anyway. It’s how he would want to be handled if he were under the same circumstances.

He’d imagined it: a report in the newspaper, his afternoon scan of the obituary, the boss, or even Atsushi. He’d grieve for a day, maybe two, and continue on trying to gain Ghost Dazai’s approval. Somehow, he didn’t believe death could stop the Demon Prodigy from affecting the living.

Akutagawa no longer believes that he will only grieve for a day. He does not believe he will grieve for two. He doesn’t know if he will grieve at all, or if Dazai’s passing will shroud his shoulders like Rashoumon. Uncertainty spreads through his veins like wildfire as he walks away from the woods, away from Dazai and the task waiting ahead.

“Before you leave, Akutagawa, I have one more thing to tell you.”

“What is it?”

“I won’t live to see the saved world. Do not let this stop you.”

Dazai didn’t explain further, and Akutagawa didn’t ask. The details wouldn’t matter in order for the mission to be completed. A part of him wishes to run back and kneel before his old mentor and beg for him to reconsider. The world could burn and Akutagawa would be happier for it if it meant Dazai would stay to watch the flames.

Akutagawa doesn’t see this as an act of suicide. Just as he makes his way to the Port Mafia building for the last time until the Decay of Angels is exterminated like unwanted rats, he’s not doing so out of personal desire. He does so because he was told to and that is that. Dazai will die not by his own will, but so the mission will be completed and the world can move on.

The man sitting on a tree stump will be dead. Akutagawa did not say goodbye.

Atsushi’s orphanage headmaster perished in a hit-and-run. Something that could’ve happened to anyone at any time anywhere. To most people, it was just an accident. To Akutagawa, his death was only another name to the many under Dazai’s long list of murders and coordinated demises.

He wonders, then, if Dazai’s death will appear as such in the newspaper.

Dazai Osamu, age 22 and member of the Armed Detective Agency, horrifically passes away in an apartment fire.

Armed Detective Agency Member Dazai Osamu dies from an unexpected heart attack at the young age of twenty-two.

Dazai—

The building Akutagawa finds himself in front of is not the main Port Mafia complex. He stands in front of the condo he shared with his sister with his heart beating rapidly in his chest. Usually, it’s a sign of an oncoming cough fit that will end in his inability to breathe properly for the next twenty minutes.

It’s not the same this time. He unlocks the front door and walks inside, tense beyond what’s strictly necessary.

Falling off a cliff.

Twenty-two.

Drunk driver.

Overdose.

Dazai Osamu.

Drowning.

Armed Detective Agency.

Akutagawa blinks. Rashoumon holds an envelope in its jaws in front of his face. It’s colored an unstained white and seemed as though it had been pressed by a steam iron. He doesn’t remember turning on the lights, walking to the dining room table, nor activating his ability. Sometimes Rashoumon could get a mind of its own, but it couldn’t have made him lose consciousness.

Disregarding the dread pooling in his gut — though he long learned to trust his instincts when his survival depended on it, and to ignore them when he had something to prove — Akutagawa grabs the envelope from the charcoal-black maw and dismisses his ability. His grip is uncharacteristically light.

Akutagawa Ryuunosuke does not receive mail. The envelope in his calloused and dirty hand is a bloody, beating heart; a raindrop still falling; a golden goblet filled with poison.

The penmanship is remarkable. His name is spelled out in kanji, dedicated to him and only him. It cannot not be mistaken for mail sent to his sister. It says Ryuunosuke, with each line fading in and out at the dots without fail. It does not say Gin.

Before he turns it around to open the envelope, he notices that the house is empty and the table is barren. There is no sign of life, no sign of a break-in, no sign of anything else misplaced or otherwise handled in any way, shape, or form. The envelope did not appear in his P.O. box, though he doesn’t ever go down to it because he does not receive mail.

He can infer that the sender knows that about him. That implies the sender knows many other things about him as well.

This does not worry him as much as his lingering thoughts of mentors, hit-and-runs, and detective agencies. Stalkers can be killed. Endless possibilities and anxieties do not die so easily.

Akutagawa returns his attention to the envelope and carefully unseals it using a pocket knife. The paper inside is off-white and thinner than the envelope. It crinkles and shakes in Akutagawa’s fingers.

He has a steady hand, he thinks. The letter shouldn’t be moving.

Perhaps it trembles in time with his unreliable heart. He continues to think of rivers, drugs, and mountains as he places the envelope on the table and properly opens the letter. There are a few things he’s expecting to be the contents: a ransom for his sister, blackmail to the police, or God-forbid a love letter.

He doesn’t consider the possibility of there being four words and a hand-drawn tiger.

I’m sorry for everything

It’s not punctuated, and the handwriting is the same as the one displayed on the envelope. Before he can truly process the sentence, he crumples the letter and throws it onto the table. The noise it makes is unsatisfying, and Akutagawa wishes it had been a head he’d slammed. At least then his anger would have a pay off.

He breathes deeply, his throat pinching in pain, and scrambles to undo his damage. He rubs the creases on the edge of the table, hard enough to get the job done but not so rough that he tears through the paper.

It doesn’t help and he panics, smoothing it out over the surface with a hand this time. Akutagawa notices his own trembles and knows that he’s been doing that since he left a dead man behind without saying goodbye.

He chokes and reads the letter and rereads it again. He presses his palm to the thin edges and hangs his head over the words as though it would encourage more to appear. The tiger head drawn below the singular sentence taunts Ryuunosuke with its little whiskers and winking eye. It isn’t cute despite the clear intention of it being so.

The Port Mafia does not apologize.

Dazai Osamu is no longer an executive under Mori. He is no longer Akutagawa Ryuunosuke’s mentor, and that has never been clearer to Akutagawa now.

His fingers curl and it takes a piece of the paper with it. When he sees his action he hurries to release, but it causes the letter to tear. A paper cut on his pointer finger bleeds and stains the letter, and the nights he spent bleeding out from Port Mafia Executive Dazai Osamu come rushing to the forefront of his mind.

I’m sorry for everything

A tiger. A goddamn tiger. Akutagawa doesn’t delude himself into believing that it’s some sort of joke; it would only waste his time. He reads it again and again and again until he’s sure he could repeat it to each and every person in the world those exact words without faltering once.

Dazai can’t be sorry. The Demon Prodigy has never apologized to anyone in his life, least of all to Akutagawa. He didn’t say sorry when he punched Ryuunosuke without warning. He didn’t say sorry when he made Akutagawa gut out an alleyway cat. He didn’t say sorry when he shot at him in front of the Black Lizard without warning. He doesn’t say sorry, nor can he be.

Akutagawa realizes with certain clarity that Dazai’s death will not be suicide. He will not set himself on fire, drown in a river, or shoot heroin in his arms until he dies.

If the plan is to commit suicide, Dazai would not have sent him an apology letter.

Dazai Osamu is no longer the Demon Prodigy that cares for no one and looks for death at every corner. He is not the Grim Reaper, the youngest executive in Port Mafia history, nor Akutagawa’s mentor. Dazai is a detective, helping innocent people, keeping himself alive, and taking care of the people around him.

Someone who doesn’t care would not go out of their way to know he doesn’t check his P.O. box, to learn his passcode, and leave the condo completely untouched because they know Gin likes to keep the living area clean and Akutagawa doesn’t like to upset his sister.

Akutagawa thought that Dazai didn’t care. He hadn’t said goodbye to the man sitting on a tree stump, but that man said goodbye to him.

I’m sorry for everything

Detective Dazai Osamu says goodbye, and Akutagawa slouches over and cries onto the hand-drawn tiger.

[thisrobinisred]

You know, I’ve been thinking about chapter 119.

Obviously, as we’ve all just found out, Akutagawa does not remember who Atsushi is. But that leaves the question, how do we get from point A to point B?

With point A being the panel shown above, and then the two hour later scene at the end of Twilight Goodbye where Akutagawa seemingly makes a call back to the boat scene being Point B.

But then I continued thinking and began to wonder, how would Akutagawa be able to make that call back, especially as Akutagawa has apparently lost his memories?

What if there wasn’t any point A to point B?

“You mean just the two of us?”

“Do we need anyone else’s help.”

Majority of us jumped to the conclusion that this was meant to be a call back, however now it doesn’t seem like that. It probably wasn’t meant to be an intentional callback - all Akutagawa did was answer his question.

Additionally, this would also partially complete Akutagawa’s character arc. Without his memories, he wouldn’t know who Dazai is. He wouldn’t be constantly trying to gain his approval to the point of risking his life on an almost daily basis. His reason to live would no longer be a few, ultimately meaningless, words from Dazai. Furthermore, Bram gave Akutagawa a new reason to live: Aya. With the last pieces of his consciousness, Bram told Akutagawa “I leave the princess in your care.” Which we can see he is taking very seriously (even showed up looking like a knight).

Numerous things also hint towards Aya being his reason to live now, such as his coat. Throughout the series, he has basically always been seen in his iconic black coat; which is implied to have been Dazai’s as when he recruits him in the forest he puts it over Akutagawa’s shoulders. Without this coat, he loses a significant piece of Dazai’s influence. When Akutagawa reappeared in chapter 118, for one of the first times, his usually completely blacked out eyes had a small bit of light in (which is usually used to signify characters relations with being in the ‘light’ in bsd). All of this because of Bram and the mission he gave Akutagawa. Compared to constantly wanting Dazai’s approval to be able to feel worthy as his reason to live, this new reason is drastically healthier and more in line with being in the ‘light’.

However, that leaves the question of, what about Gin? Does he remember her? Does he remember his sister?

We know that he cares about her (Beast especially shows this considering that’s one of Akutagawa’s reasons to live in that world) but that doesn’t exactly matter if he doesn’t know who she is. Which also leads me to think that he’s possibly not completely lost his memories, and perhaps (probably most likely) I’m just overthinking and reading things like usual!

[kyouka-supremacy]

I feel so stupid for taking so long to realize that Akutagawa's argument that he sacrificed himself to gain Dazai's approval of him is fundamentally flawed in the way that he can't receive praise if he's... Dead. Like what's the point of satisfying Dazai if he can't even hear his acknowledgement

[starlightshadowsworld]

The thing is Atsushi told Akutugawa they should run.

When they ducked out on the ship before the actual fight with Fukuchi.

Atsushi said they were no match for him. "Have you seen this strength?! He's not just a gifted he's a God of war hidden in human form."

Akutagawa refused. "I will defeat him even if means every bone in my body will crumble."

Because otherwise he will have failed the mission, and as such failed Dazai.

So when Akutugawa makes the decision to give Atsushi an escape route. It's him admitting that Atsushi was right, that they were no match for Fukuchi.

It's Akutugawa putting Atsushi's safety over the mission. Because it's more important to him that Atsushi survives than Akutugawa gaining Dazai's approval.

Because all of this, since that night in the forest has been a trial of a meaningful life.

And you're the trial for me.

[aureatchi]

okay so don't come at me but i have been possessed by something, SO !! ofc i have to run here to scream it out hehehe >:))

"she chose me," "hmm, did she?"

fyodor smiles smugly at dazai's unnerving stare, unaffected by the latter's intense gaze. in fact, it only seemed to amuse the raven haired man, if the way he effortlessly moved his chess piece to take out dazai's unfortunate pawn was any indication.

"you know reverie despises you," dazai says instead, eyes intently staring at the board, determining which piece to move next to wipe away the smug grin on his opponent's face.

"despise seems such a strong word for someone who saw us sharing annotations together." fyodor hums. "besides, she is a much better companion, academically, of course. in any case, i much prefer her over you."

dazai narrows his eyes as a grin makes its way to his face. "oh? is that how you think? then remind me who exactly was the girl that played chess with me two days ago that was, dare i say, better than you? was it not she that i spent time with, alone, might i remind you, here in the warmth of this library, our topic being you? or has that slipped your mind, dostoevsky? you saw us leaving, no?”

fyodor’s smile was forced this time. “ah, such a low blow, insulting me in the middle of a chess game. but very well, how about we make this interesting, hmm?”

“oh?”

“two weeks. one week for each of us. the first man to get reverie’s approval, that is, allowing her to be close to us and gaining her favor entirely. it is she who will choose which one of us is the better student, though i must say that having her choose between the top two students in the class sounds rather thrilling, no?”

dazai hums. “thrilling, yes. entertaining, absolutely. just wait, you’re going to lose,” he chuckled darkly, sliding his white chess piece forward, effectively checking the black king.

fyodor smiled wider, his violet eyes glinting with mischievous amusement. “always so confident.” he easily moved to protect his king.

“may the best man win.” they both said in unison just as the object of their conversation opened the door to the library quietly.

“reverie!”

…blame it on the books i saw yesterday in the bookshop okay… in any case, these three in a dark academia setting has my entire heart. expect more to come, miss rev !! mweheh >:))

ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME 🥹 !!

i’m giggling so hard at this entire thing, mia LIA, i can’t believe u wrote this for me. SHARING ANNOTATIONS W FEDYA !! u get it. BEING IN THE LIBRARY ALONE. W DAZAI !! omg me being the topic of their conversation during one of their intense chess matches has me sooo (｡≽\\\≼) & WALKING IN JUST IN TIME AT THE END !! omg the WAY you researched this from my actual lore i srsly am going to get u back day miss lia <3 you’ve spoiled me way too much !!

i’ve been reading this over & over + their little challenge ever since this came into my inbox, LOL omg they think they can play w/ me… “may the best one win” 🙂‍↕️ they think they’re the best & smartest plot twist i choose ranpo.